#now im turning seventeen in the fall. what the fuck

[amorette-valentina]

yall ever think about her (i dont)

#when she has bad identity issues and ugly 2020 eyeliner ♥️♥️ #bnha oc comeback #knha #amorette valentina #her bias in gidle is yuqi btw #school is starting up again and i am now 2 years older than amorette #time is so crazy cos when knha started i was fourteen #now im turning seventeen in the fall. what the fuck #maybe ill draw more amorette maybe i wont just know that this is all the content youre gonna get out of me rn cos of school n stuff 😔 #and who knows maybe one day ill actually explain and show how her quirk works

[call-memissbrightside]

can i request an angst/comfort where bkg and reader get into an argument where reader is jealous and frustrated of his coworker who is obviously flirting with him, but he doesn’t notice?

tw: physical fight, jealousy, bad words

It’s the way she throws her head back to laugh at every moment Katsuki blows up as Kirishima explains about the time they snuck out of the dorms to sneak off to the red district— blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard the story a million times. It’s not that funny, it doesn’t require the little intern from Katsuki’s agency to howl like a hyena as the story unfolded. She definitely didn’t need to pat your boyfriend’s chest to calm him down.

“You okay?” Shoto asked, nudging you with his elbow. You were glaring hard, the drink in your hand almost shattering at how hard you were holding it.

It’s when the little intern laid her head on Katsuki’s chest as she held her stomach as Kirishima concluded the story, that’s when you had enough.

“Oh I’m about to beat this bitch up,” you declare, moving towards them and quickly pulled the chick off Katsuki by her hair.

Of course the fight (could you call it that if only you fished out the punches?) didn’t last long with all the heroes at the little kickback in Izuku’s backyard.

Katsuki had to pull you away, his arm like steel across your abdomen as he hauled you off the intern who was now on the floor, bleeding and crying.

You didn’t feel bad. You didn’t feel anything but anger. Now that the threat was gone, you turned that anger towards your boyfriend.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

Katsuki was mad too, and he looked like he had no idea why you just beat up the intern.

The whole thing made you laugh .

“You sicko, you liked having that little girl all up on you? What is she? Barely seventeen?”

You try walking back into the party but Katsuki moved to block you.

“Don’t tell me you got into a fight because of a little flirting from the intern?” Katsuki just knew how to piss you off.

“You fucking knew she was flirting with you in front of me and you did nothing? Wow, real piece of shit you are.” You were beyond livid.

“Enough,” Katsuki ordered but you didn’t want to back down. The drinks in your stomach and the jealousy in your heart wouldn’t let you.

“Let me guess, you’re fucking her?” Katsuki rolled his eyes at your cheap dig.

Much to your annoyance, he was quick in pulling you into his chest and smacking your ass hard, making you jump and hiss in pain.

“Shut the fuck up, you know I only dream of your pussy,” Katsuki mumbled against your closed lips, eager to make you break and kiss him back.

Tears, stupid tears of fear and rejection made your eyes sting but you blinked hard to stop them from falling.

“Oh baby.”

All teasing ceased once he heard you sniffle. Hugging you to his chest, Katsuki placed a brute kiss on your forehead.

“Im sorry, I should’ve said something.” He sighed, swaying your body to help calm you down.

“I don’t like her like that,” he continued. “She was drunk and I was worried she’d fall over and Kirishima just kept talking —,” Katsuki shook his head.

“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt by that.” Katsuki said, softly. “I’m sorry.”

All the high emotions were gone and now you just felt small but Katsuki held you for a bit more as the party continued on like nothing ever happened.

Kissing Katsuki and promising no more fights, you walked hand in hand with him back to where the party was held.

“Go on,” Katsuki was back to teasing and he loved the cringe look on your face as you went to go apologize to the intern. You’d only given her a small bruise on her cheek and she seemed more than happy with all the attention Kirishima was now giving her.

After that awkward conversation and the promise that as long as you kept your distance, she wouldn’t press charges, you returned to your boyfriend.

He was sitting in a lawn chair, sipping on a beer and patted his thigh for you to sit in his lap.

“Crazy bitch,” Katsuki kissed your neck, squeezing you into a hug with his chest to your back. You opened your mouth to argue but Katsuki squeezed you.

“I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.”

#bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugo katuski #bnha bakugou #lmao I said I would take a break #than I just sat and wrote this one out in 30 min tops

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part seventeen

| part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve | part thirteen | part fourteen | part fifteen | part sixteen |

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - swearing, kissing, use of y/n, mention of family issues, mention of domestic abuse (not between chris and reader), fluff

word count - 2k??

NOT PROOFREAD

-

chris and i both dosed off and i woke up with him on top of me with his face buried in to my neck. i hear my phone ringing and gently untangle myself from him to go answer it. he groans as i move from under him and i freeze, “sorry” i whisper and walk over to my phone on his desk.

i swear my face loses all its colour as i read, incoming call from mom.

i pick it up and run to the bathroom. shutting the door and sitting on the toilet and answering the phone.

“mom?” i saw in a low tone in hopes of no one hearing me. “y/n where have you been i havent seen you in 2 days now.” she croaked. my hand flies over my mouth as i feel tears pricking my eyes, “ive- um, ive been at a friends house mom.” my voice breaks. “are you ok?” i ask.

“yes sweetie im fine, why wouldnt i be fine.” she states. tears now falling from my eyes in shock as she is completely avoiding the fact that i witnessed my father abusing her right in front of me. “what do you mean ‘why wouldnt you be fine’. you know exactly what i mean by asking if your okay mom.” i whisper yell.

“y/n its fine your dad just had a moment-“ i cut her off. “mom stop avoiding the problem here! dad was abusing you, plain and simple. dont act like it didnt happen because i saw it with my own eyes.” i raise my voice. the tears flowing out of my eyes are full of pure anger and frustration, why the fuck is she acting like everything is ok. it absolutely is not. “its ok honey, i promise. just come home please. have news to tell you but i would rather tell you in person”

“ok. in not staying in that house with him though, i hope you know that.” i growl. “i understand, see you soon y/n.”

i hang up the phone and rest it on the counter dropping my head in to my hands as i feel as thought i should rip out every last strand of my hair. how am i supposed to go home and talk to her as if everything is normal. what about chris. i dont even think he would drive me to my house after what happened with my dad the last time, which i bet my mom doesnt even know about that. i angrily sigh, wiping my tears and get up from where im seated and grab my phone walking in to chris’ room. i walk in quietly to see chris face down head turned to the side with his phone in one hand. “baby, who called? you sounded angry.” chris mumbles as he hears me walking into the room, sitting upright.

my face flushes at him hearing me and i tense up. “um- my mom called. she wants me to go home for the night.” i basically whisper. “y/n no.” chris huffs, “i know chris but its my mom were talking about, i cant leave her alone forever.”

“what happens if your dad is there” he questions. i bring my arms up to hug myself. “chris i promise if anything happens i will text you immediately.” i walk over to him and sit on the edge of his bed. “i understand, just please be careful” he pulls me in to his lap and i wrap my arms around his shoulders. running my hands through his hair as his hands are on my back. “i dont ever want to see you that hurt again.” he says pressing a kiss to my forehead and i squeeze him closer to me. “ill be ok i promise.”

-

chris drove me to my house and would not let go of my hand the entire time, giving me nervous smiles here and there. “chris im going to my home, im not moving away forever.” i try to lighten the mood. “i know i just want you to be safe and dont forget to c-“ i cut him off.

“call you if i feel unsafe, babe i understand i promise.” i reassure. he pulls up to my house and leans over to kiss me. “i love you, be safe.” he whispers putting a hand to my cheek. i close my eyes and lean in to his palm putting my hand over his. i kiss the inside of his palm and lean in to kiss him again, “i love you.” i say before getting out. i walk towards my front door and chris doesnt leave until i get inside.

thankfully i didnt see my dads car on the drive way as i walk in, closing the door behind me and see my mom sitting on the couch which a mug of tea in her hand and shes watching tv. the house is clean and looks like absolutely nothing happened in here. “mom” she looks over at me and im surprised to see that she has no bruises or anything. she actually looks perfectly fine?

“y/n oh my god it feels so good to see you. you have no idea, i had no clue where you were.”

“i was with a friend, i couldnt be here after what happened.”

“yeah lets talk about that-“ she trails off mid conversation and goes to the kitchen. “i kicked your dad out, it was happening for years and knowing that you saw that side of him-“ she paused.

“it wasnt right letting you have to witness that, i should have done something when it began years ago.”

“years mom, years you have been letting him do that to you?” i croak.

“i know, im weak, fraile, a failure, a bad mom, vulnerable, but i stayed with him in hopes that you wouldnt grow up without a father.” she sighs. “mom if you were getting abused, leaving would have been better than being with him.” i console.

“your not weak, your the strongest person i know.”

her face warmed up and she walked towards me giving me a hug. the first hug i had gotten from my mom in years. she pulled away, “was that chris that dropped you off.��� she smiled, “yeah.” i sniffle and wipe my tears away. “so are you guys dating now.” she prys. “mom right now is not the time to bring up my boy issues.” i roll my eyes.

“sweetie, right now is a time of celebration. we are both free, your dad was a sick mother fucker that i should have dumped years ago. i love him and always will but i couldnt let you see him like that again.”

“i understand.” i walked over to the kitchen counter and sat down. she couldnt take her eyes off me.

“something is so different about you today.” she admires, “mom i was gone for 2 days nothing about me changed that much.” i laugh. “oh really? your wearing a hoodie that says ‘sturniolo’ on the back” i look at chris’ hoodie and roll my eyes, “and your genuinely smiling.” she smiles, “you my daughter have a boyfriend.”

“hes not my boyfriend mom oh my god, i was at his house for 2 days and didnt really pack that heavy.” i try to explain. “y/n im not dumb. you have always liked that sturniolo boy. why didnt you stay with anna if your not dating chris?”

“anna and i arent friends anymore, shes a bitch.” my moms eyes go wide as i rarely swear around her. “ok, but your dating chris.”

“mommmmm.” i groan, “i know everything honey, theres no denying it.” i giggle and go to my room. checking my phone to texts from chris.

friday 12:34pm

chris: babe is everything ok?

chris: is your dad there?

chris: baby answerrr

chris: hellooooo????

i smile at my phone and respond

y/n: everything is ok, my mom actually kicked my dad out so everything is all good over here :))

chris: oh good good

chris: i love you have a good time with your mom sweet girl

i feel my heart squirm at him calling me sweet girl and i smiled to myself. god i love him.

-

me and mom spent the day together going grocery shopping and just being around eachother happily. my time away from chris just made me crave being around him. i never new someones presence could be so addictive, i just wanted to be with him at all times. i got in the shower around 7pm and while in the shower i decided on going to his house. getting out of the shower, brushing my teeth, doing skincare, blowdrying my hair and finally putting on his hoodie and some sweatpants. i give up on trying to impress him with my clothing as he has literally seen what i look like when i first wake up.

going downstairs my mom smiles at me, “have fun with your boyfriend!” she says in a taunting tone, “not my boyfriend.” i sing song back at her.

mom mentioning chris as my boyfriend made me think about our situation. we love eachother but he has yet to ask to be my boyfriend. i wonder if i should bring it up to him, would that ruin stuff? i mean we pretty much call eachother our fake boyfriend and girlfriend already. what would hurt about making it real boyfriend and girlfriend. this is so confusing god. for people in books its so simple to transition from talking to dating but i am completely overthinking this.

i pull up to chris’ house and knock on the door, waiting for someone to open it and his mom opens it, “y/n! we werent expecting you, come in come in.”

“hi, sorry for barging in like this i just came to see chris.” i smiled, “oh chris? yeah hes just up in his room, you can join us for dinner me and jimmy just got back from our trip and we heard lots about you while we were away.” she chuckles.

i make my way upstairs and knock on his door, “who is it?” he yells, i crack open the door and i see him at his gaming chair. he looks over and his face lights up, “y/n! come sit.” he says patting the spot on his bed that is close to his setup. he mutes his mic and turns around and i sit down. he puts his hands on my knees and leans in to peck my lips. “i missed you, i didnt know you were coming here.”

“well i missed you so i decided to come hangout for a bit.” i say. “your mom invited me for dinner.” i chuckled. “matt told mom we were together now so shes eager to get to know you.” he says and i gasp.

“were together?”

“i mean yeah.” he says furrowing his eye brows, “well you didnt even ask me to be your girlfriend yet.”

“y/n l/n will you be my girlfriend?” he grins, “chris sturniolo yes i will.”, ok so that was easy. i pull him in for a kiss and move to sit on his lap. i sit with my legs curled up against his thigh and my back to the arm rest of his gaming chair with my arms wrapped around his torso. “you smell good.” he says kissing the top of my head while playing his game. “well i would hope so i just showered.”

“your so annoying im trying to be sweet, your so literal.” he chuckles. “well you love me anway” i say kissing his cheek.

“mhm” he places another kiss on the top of my head and i cuddle into his torso even more.

-

thanks for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @matthewloverr @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry y @stunza @realuvrrr @sturnsjtop @tubl-mc @lilsstvrn @sturniololol l @sturnssmuts @emlovesthesturniolos s

a/n: love you all!!! sorry this took forever to come out <333

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n #chris sturniolo x you #matty b sturniolo #matt sturniolo angst #matthew bernard sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #sturniolo

[our-aroace-experience]

I'm aromatic and that's all I've ever told people I'm probably on the ace spectrum but I've never ever once TOLD a person I was ace. I've identified myself with aro and I'm comfortable in it and my identity but every and I mean EVERY person I've known and told about me being aro will tell others and when referencing me to myself says ace. I had a friend who had many labels and I thought they'd understand that I'm aro not ace cause they used they/them and neopronouns but EVERY AND I MEAN EVERY TIME XE INTRODUCED SOMEONE TO ME They'd say I'm ace.

"oh this is dense she's ace"

"I'm actually aromatic"

"same thing".

"I know your so done hearing me talk about dating people and having crush being ace and all"

"I'm aromatic not ace and it doesn't bug me"

"Okay~"

They said "okay" in a weird way and looking back I think they were trying to make me jealous that I can't love and then didn't believe me when I said I didn't care.

This next instance made me never talk about my identity around or with them ever again.

"happy birthday!!!!!"

"I'm finally legal let's GOOOO!"(I just turned AOC)

"don't make jokes about you having sex it make me uncomfortable cuz your ace"

"I'm not ace I'm aro and you know that and you make sex jokes at me all the time and make them with others I can make sex jokes if I want"

"well I don't like it and it's the same thing. you know your just a little baby in my mind which makes it weird hearing you say that and your my best friend so I don't want to think of you with others.

I ghost xem after but reading that almost make me puke. IM, ME AM NOT ALOUD TO MAKE SEX JOKES CUZ U SEE ME AS A BABY CUZ YOU THINK IM ACE AND SEX REPULSED, FUCK YOU.

Another thing is my family, we're a very open family having no problems with pronoun or name changes or being gay the only problem is my aunt married a conservative American

My younger cousin maybe 8 at that point made a gay dating joke after my aunt said something about boys maybe to impress me since I'm 8 years older then him and I told nah that's not me I'm aromatic which means I don't like boys or girls my aunt chimed in saying "we don't need to be talking about this with HIM, he doesn't need to now this "I told her "he is the one that brought it up so he obviously knows and just like how you talk about girls dating boys I could talk about me not dating anyone it makes no difference especially when he is making innuendos. Wait have you even had sex Ed?" "No" he replied, then my oh so fun chimed in saying "he's too young for sex ed it's good he hasn't had in it." "No I'm more surprised he hasn't had sex ed it's important he should have it." "No he's too young" "remember how I was sexually assaulted when I was six and I had no clue what happened to me until I had sex Ed and was told that it was bad and to tell my parent them told my mom and got help do you want him oblivious if it happened to him" "it's different." "How?" He stopped talking and went outside I asked my cousin is he wanted to play Minecraft he said yes so we did that but a few hours later to the bathroom my aunt grabbed me and asked if I was serious about was I said about boys and girls I told her "yes I'm aromatic and don't like boys or girls or anyone like the opposite of being bi." "Are you sure maybe you just haven't met the right person"(I was kinda floored by this she would've said that if I said I like girls) "yes I'm sure I'm seventeen and have never have a crush or ever wanted to be with someone" "but what if one day you fall in love" "and what if one day aliens take over the planet it's possible but I'm not going to bother myself thinking about it." "Well I just don't want you trapping yourself in this label stopping yourself from liking someone." "I never have and probably never will like someone but if magically one day I do I won't stop myself does that sound good to you?" "Yes".

I just love negotiating my identity to keep people happy I've had that exact talk maybe 11 times now and im so done with it, I'm known for my patience explaining sexuality stuff to my older family cause I know their just curious but please stop checking in to see if I've change my sexuality like a clown fish I'm so done.

This was mostly a long rant but I just wanted it out there and to leave it on a good note my mom loves me for who I am and makes fun of my family and people who just can't get it through their head that I'm not going to ever date someone I'm her star child with no drama ✨ which I always find funny.

Love to all that have a hard time with it I love you and your valuable and valid

i’m so sorry to hear about your friends and family, you mum sounds lovely!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aro pride #ace pride #long post

[agaypanic]

Can I request alysssa from teotfw and it’s literally just the reader as James instead!! But the reader is ever so slightly more normal - literally go crazy I just thought that would be a cool idea!!

Two Girls and a Car (Alyssa Foley X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You and Alyssa, two rebellious loners, find each other at school and decide to date. Her being sick of her new family and you tired of your boring life, you decide to steal your dad’s car and skip town.

A/N: teotfw but make it sapphic>>> couple things, 1: this is based off the first episode (im using a script teehee) where reader is james with less murderous tendencies. 2: idk how good this is gonna be bc i usually write in second person, but bc of the show being told in first person perspectives, this is written in first person but only from reader’s pov. 3: if you couldn’t tell from my derry girl fics (or any other non-american media i write), im american so i dont really know english lingo or anything that well. 4: this could be a two parter?? Or maybe a series??? Lmk what yall think

***

I’m Y/n.

I’m seventeen.

And I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with me. Like, really wrong.

When I was eight, I realized I didn’t have a sense of humor. At first, I thought that my dad was just the worst at jokes. And he is, probably. But nothing’s really amusing to me, and I don’t know why.

I’ve always wanted to punch my dad in the face. That seems like a problem, considering he’s my dad and all. But if you met him, you’d probably agree. Even if he looks all cheery and nice, he’s a bit of a prick.

When I was nine, my dad bought a deep-fat fryer he had seen on an American shopping channel. One day, I put my hand in it. I wanted to make myself feel something.

It worked, but only for a moment. Now I have a fucked up hand, all for a moment of feeling something.

I was in the cafeteria when I first met her. Alyssa. She was the new girl, and after shouting at her friends and smashing something on the ground, she made her way over to me. She stood right in front of me, staring me down.

“Hey.” I hear after taking off my headphones.

“Hey.”

“I’ve seen you skating.” I didn’t know how to respond. We stared at each other for a moment before she spoke again. “You’re pretty shit.”

“Fuck off.”

Alyssa was interesting, to say the least. After school, she found me again, sitting on a bench outside.

“Are you waiting for me?” She asked. I wasn’t; I just didn’t want to go home yet. But instead, I nodded, and she sat on the bench beside me.

The next thing I knew, we were making out. I didn’t really mind it. Alyssa was a bit of an aggressive kisser, but I had never really kissed anyone before, so I didn’t feel like complaining. 

I wonder if I could fall in love with Alyssa. Maybe not. But I could pretend.

She grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob, but then she pulled away.

“What happened to your hand?” Alyssa asked, gesturing to my fucked up hand that was on her tit. 

“Shut up.” I didn’t want to talk about it, and luckily, she didn’t feel like pressing. So I just switched hands, letting the messed up one grip at her sweater as we continued snogging. It was an okay way to pass the time, better than sitting at home. 

Eventually, we had to leave. So we just started walking. I don’t think either of us knew where we were going, so we just wandered down the middle of a vacant street. I would’ve ridden my skateboard, but apparently I was shit at it.

“I haven’t got a phone,” Alyssa said suddenly. 

“Okay.”

“I smashed it.” So that must’ve been what she’d thrown in the cafeteria today.

“Okay.” I could feel her look at me.

“Like, on purpose.” Did she want me to think she was crazy? Maybe she was, but I don’t think I had any room to judge her.

“Okay.” 

“So you can’t call me.” This time, she turned to me slightly as she spoke, like she was trying to invoke a reaction in me.

“That’s fine.” She seemed surprised that I had finally given a different response. “I don’t have a phone either.”

“Really?” Alyssa asked, turning to me again.

“Yeah. I hate them.” I didn’t see the point of them. Just like I didn’t see the point in this conversation. What did people in love talk about? “Wanna go on a date?”

***

She said yes. So I took her to a diner, one that was cheap but still looked nice and had decent food. But it didn’t last long. Alyssa had ordered a few things, and the waitress made a comment about how hungry she was. They both giggled, but Alyssa’s was more insincere.

“And an extra fucking spoon.” Alyssa finished off, setting the menu down. The waitress looked horrified.

“Excuse me?”

“For her,” Alyssa said, gesturing to me. I guess it was nice of her to think about me, but I didn’t feel like eating a banana split.

The waitress scoffed, closing her notepad.

“Sorry. You can’t use language like that. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to ask you and your friend to leave.”

“She’s my girlfriend.” Alyssa corrected.

“Fine, I’ll have to ask you and your girlfriend to leave.”

“Okay.” Her tone was mocking, and the waitress gave her a look. Alyssa sighed, seeming more sincere. “Okay, I’m sorry. Sorry.” The waitress seemed pleased, but that’s when it really went to shit. “I will have… a great big banana shit with extra fucking cherries all on top of it.”

“Right, yeah, that’s it. Marvin!” The waitress called back to the kitchen, where the only other person in this diner was. 

“Oh yeah!” Alyssa raised her voice, staring the woman down. “Go get Marvin! See if Marvin can make a banana split for me, you fucking cunt!” Then she grabbed her things and stormed out of the diner, slamming the door behind her. 

It was clear that Alyssa had a short fuse.

“Sorry about her,” I said. The waitress and I stared at each other for a minute before I grabbed my board and left. Alyssa was stomping down the street, so I used my skateboard to catch up. She had her usual deadpan expression when I got to her. “...You okay?”

“Shut up.” I didn’t feel like arguing. “God, I think we live in the most boring town on the planet.”

“Probably.”

“Everyone’s so fucking square.” She said with a huff. Then she looked at me. “Are you boring too?”

Probably.

“No.” 

We walked for a bit before Alyssa spoke again.

“Can we go to your house?”

***

I said yes. When we got to my place, Alyssa said my house was weird and had too many windows. I didn’t really notice until she brought it up. 

Alyssa likes to touch and grab things. I guess looking at it wasn’t enough for her, but it was starting to get on my nerves a bit.

“Is this your mum?” She asked, holding up a picture.

“Yeah.” I didn’t have to look at the photo to know it was her. I didn’t like looking at pictures of my mum anymore. “She lives in Japan.” She doesn’t.

“Cool.” Alyssa stared at the picture for a moment. “You look like her.”

I felt stiff after that. Alyssa didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she didn’t care enough to mention it.

Then the front door opened, and I felt even stiffer.

“Fuck.” I muttered. This day was shit. Before Alyssa could ask what was wrong, my dad’s voice bellowed from the hallway.

“The hunter has returned!”

When he saw Alyssa, he insisted on us sitting down for a cup of tea so we could all chat. I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down and had a chat with my dad, but I definitely didn’t want to start now. Dad sat at the head of the table while Alyssa and I sat across from each other.

“Well, this is nice!” My dad said. I could feel the idiotic smile radiating off of him.

“What is?” Alyssa asked. 

“This. You two.” Dad gestured to the two of us. I drank my tea so I wouldn’t have to say anything. He let out a laugh. “What a relief! You know, I always thought there was something wrong with her.” This was a good reminder of why I didn’t talk to my dad. “I thought probably she’d never like anyone, or would even… Well, you know. Which is fine, obviously. But, here you are.”

“Maybe she doesn’t,” Alyssa suggested. She was a very blunt and confrontational person. Maybe it was a good thing we met. “Maybe she’s asexual. Maybe I’m just bi-curious.” Alyssa leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her tea. “We’re dealing with a really broad spectrum these days.”

We fell into an awkward silence after that. The only sounds made were drinking and the occasional sniffle. Eventually, my cup was empty, but I wasn’t about to stick around for another.

“Let’s go to my room,” I said abruptly, standing up. Alyssa was hot on my heels, clearly also wanting to get away. Dad said goodbye to us, but neither of us answered.

When we got to my room down the hall, I shut the door and opened the window. I climbed through it to sit on the roof, and Alyssa sat beside me. We stared out of the neighborhood and the setting sun for a while.

“Your dad’s a prick.”

“I know.” I sighed, laying down and crossing my arms and ankles. I felt like I could be honest with her, like she wouldn’t judge me for whatever I said. “Sometimes, I feel like punching him in the face.”

“You should definitely do that.” She responded, lying down with me.

If you looked past the slight brashness, Alyssa was sort of… Sweet.

“Have you ever eaten a pussy before?”

Sort of.

“A couple.” It was a lie, but she didn’t have to know that.

“I want you to eat mine.”

“Now?” I lifted my head and looked around the roof that we were lying on. “Here?”

“Tomorrow.” She rolled her eyes, but there seemed to be a hint of amusement on her face. “And not on your roof. I’ll be here at eleven.”

Alyssa got up and crawled back through the window. I would’ve walked her out, but I didn’t want to get up. Or see my dad again. 

But when I sat up again, she was down below on the pavement, walking away.

“Alyssa!” I called out. She turned around, squinting up to look at me. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Y/n.”

***

I was ready at ten. I needed time to prepare. I figured the best place to give Alyssa head would be my bedroom, but I had to be ready for anything. For all I knew, she’d lay herself down on the table where we had tea yesterday. She seemed like she’d do that, to get back at my dad or something.

When it turned eleven, I sat on the couch and waited. I quickly grew restless, and I didn’t know why. I took out my pocket knife, fiddling with it to pass the time. My dad had gotten it for me when I was about twelve. Said it was a good tool to have on you, that you’d never know when you’d need it. I didn’t exactly use it for intended purposes. Mainly carving up shit in the house when I was bored or pissed. Either my dad didn’t notice or just didn’t want to say anything about it.

When twelve came around, I started to think Alyssa might not be coming. That I did all that waiting for nothing.

But then, at half past one, someone started pounding on the door.

“Y/n!” It was Alyssa.

As I walked to the door, I put the knife back in my pocket. I wondered what had taken Alyssa so long. But when I opened the door, I didn’t even get a chance to ask. She walked past me into the house, tossing her jacket on the floor.

As she stomped off to the living room, she started to take off her shirt. I quickly shut the door and followed after her. I found Alyssa sitting on the couch, head leaning all the way back and eyes closed. She must’ve been deep in thought.

“Come here.” She said, sitting up properly. I did as told, looking at her from the corner of my eye as I sat next to her.

“Did you still wanna…” I trailed off, clearing my throat as I gestured between us. “You know.”

“I dunno.” Alyssa sighed. That made me a bit relieved because I don’t know if I was in the mood to eat pussy now. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“I’m serious.” I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Alyssa not be serious. “Let’s leave this shithole town. Now. You hate it, I hate it. Our parents are dickheads. You’ve got a car.”

“It’s my dad’s.” But all the other reasons were very convincing. 

“Who’s a dickhead.” That was fair. “Look, I’m going whether you come with me or not. Are you in?”

I didn’t have to think about my answer. I hated everything about this place. I hated my dad, hated school. I was even starting to hate how many windows our house had. 

And I think I liked Alyssa, or at the very least tolerated her.

“Sure.”

Alyssa put her top and jacket back on, and I grabbed my shoes. Dad would be coming back any minute with groceries, so all we had to do was wait for him to pull into the driveway.

I heard the car pull in, and Alyssa followed me out the door. My dad was walking towards us, a huge stupid grin on his face as he saw us. 

Before I could even give it a second thought, I swung my fist at him. I punched him in the cheek, and he was quickly on the floor. I snatched the keys that flew out of his hand off of the ground, and soon, Alyssa and I were speeding out of my driveway.

“Are you scared?” She asked, a big smile on her face. It didn’t look as stupid on her as it usually did on anyone else. 

“I dunno. Maybe a little. ” I answer. “But my hand hurts a little.” My knuckles were throbbing. I had never punched someone before. “Are you? Scared?”

“No.”

I didn’t know where we were going, or if we’d ever come back. But I punched my dad in the face and stole his car. That felt like a good place to start.

#agaypanic #alyssa foley x reader #alyssa foley #teotfw alyssa #teotfw alyssa x reader #teotfw #teotfw x reader #the end of the f***ing world

[briiwcc]

fezco x oc • hate you

before fezco was known as the town's drug dealer, he was just a regular high school student. well, as regular as any kid who lived in the shitty part of town with a drug dealing grandma could be but when fezco was seventeen he had a semi-normal life.

he got pretty decent grades and he was great at math. he also basically stayed to himself, or at least tried to.

but, there was always one person who seemed to always get a kick out of bothering him.

sasha motherfuckin' james...

a sixteen year old star lifted up her hand for the fifth time in the period and frowned once her teacher called on someone else.

"why don't we give the other students a chance ms. james."

star looked behind her to see mrs. stevens had called on fezco.

"it's not like he knows anything." she mumbles with a small giggle causing an uproar of laughs to fall behind her.

fezco leaned forward in his seat and raised his right eyebrow. "sasha, what did you jus' say about me?" he asks clenching his jaw when star turned around in her seat to face him with an annoyingly perfect smile, "oh? im sorry. should i say it a little slower? i know it's hard with you being on the short bus and all." she evilly mocked.

god, fezco hated her. he hated how she walked around like she owned the place, he hated how she talked down on everyone and fezco always wondered, who gave her the right?

star was just like the rest of the shitty people in this shitty town. stuck going nowhere.

so, why the hell was her head up so high.

star james single-handedly made fezco's high school life hell every day, he never knew what he had done to provoke her but it seemed she just always got a kick in making his life miserable and he fucking hated her for it.

"now if i smack the shit out of you i would be wrong, right?"

"alright! the both of you enough." mrs stevens interrupted with a tired sigh, it seemed like everyday the two students were at eachother's throats and she felt helpless just watching.

just as she was about to ask them if they wanted detention the final bell rang and all her students quickly left her classroom.

star put her worksheets in her folder and tossed it in her bag before standing up and throwing it over one shoulder. she made her way into the hallway and gasped when a scrawny body bumped into hers.

she looked down seeing the spilled coffee all over her white jeans and shoes. the boy immediately bent down trying to wipe it off.

"i'm sorry."

"don't fucking touch me!"

the neurotic boy stood up and star watched as his cheeks turned red in embarrassment and she wasn't scared to admit she got a kick out of making him nervous, "i'm sorry. it was just an accident."

star tilted her head to the side, "is that what the doctors told your mom and dad at the hospital?" seeing the look on his face she giggles and walked past him making sure to bump her shoulder into his.

fezco, who watched the whole interaction go down sent him a sympathetic look. "you good?"

"yeah, she's the worst." the lanky sophomore picked up his books that fell and smiled when fezco helped him, "thanks, man i really appreciate it."

"no problem."

the school day went by pretty fast after that and before he knew it fezco was laid up in his bed typing away at his laptop trying to complete his calculus homework which was way past due.

he heard a notification come from his phone and rolled his eyes at the contact before opening the message thread

stupid fuckin' bitch

you called me sasha today

stupid fuckin' bitch

tf did i tell you about calling

me by my government

fez

shut the fuck up bro

fez

the fuck do you want

stupid fuckin' bitch

u free 2nite?

fez

be here in 20

seen

not even 15 minutes had passed before fezco was opening his front door and sneaking the girl inside.

and before the two knew it...

star moaned throwing her head back as fezco thrusted into her.

"what was that shit you was talkin' earlier huh?" he mocked sneaking his hand to cover her face with the palm of his hand.

fezco's ocean eyes were black with hatred and lust, admiring how her boobs bounced with every movement he made, how her cries died on her throat due to his hand, how the bed slammed against the wall making the photos she put up shake a little from the amount of force.

"fuck-" star whimpered placing her hand on his lower abdomen, "please don't stop." she cries, her actions contradicting her statements.

fezco lifted his hand from her face allowing her to breathe correctly again and placed it on the side of her head. he usually preferred hitting it from the back when it came to star because the sight of her face pissed him off and turned him on all at the same time which, ultimately pissed him off.

i just wanna fuck. no strings attached.

when star first said those words he 100% thought she was just trying to make a fool out of him which wouldn't be a surprise since she was probably the most evilest bitch that ever walked the face of the earth.

but, she was also hot so you know, why not?

"i'm coming." she announced feeling the familiar hot sensation in her stomach, star came around his dick soaking him in her arousal.

fezco quickly pulled out and jerked himself off onto her stomach making her cringe, "ew i told you to stop fucking doing that." she slapped her stomach in a useless attempt at wiping it off.

he threw her legs to the side and star sat up rolling her eyes as she tried to find a rag.

"someone's a little rude."

fezco tosses her a damp one after emerging from the bathroom.

star thanks him and pulls him back by his bicep when he went to walk away, "what? no kiss goodbye?" she mockingly asks puckering her lips.

"yo get the fuck out my house."

#euphoria #fezco euphoria #fezco fanfic #fezco smut #fezco fic #fezco imagine #original content #original story

[that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main]

Frank fathering a little girl,

but shes older now hcs

Reader: female reader

Type: Headcannons + long scenarios (part 6💀)

Note: YEAH GET FRANK BACK

Warnings: Lots of blood, lots of mentioning of ways to die, we love that

Dedications: @alidafirtup homie deserves the love @pietromaximoffluvr

Masterlists: Marvel | The "Playlist"

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You can't sleep, it's recon, going over plans and getting was seemed to be the tenth time to sleep before you got to see Frank.

You keep thinking "Frank would want you to sleep" but you keep seeing him dying rather waking you up for school with a smile.

You wander, hours aimlessly in Matts apartment cup of coffee in hand: you should just go. Go by yourself, go get Frank, you can handle Fisk on your own

"You're an idiot for even thinking that."

Y/n turned her head, everyone sleeping in the living room. She rubbed her eyes and behind her ears, setting the cup of coffee down on the counter and grabbing the Fireball.

"Hey-"

She whipped around quickly, Matt up, "hey. Hey. Just me. Just me."

Y/n sighed, "dude...god damn..." y/n groaned.

"This isnt going to keep you up anymore than coffee is." Matt responded, "You need sleep, and not to become an alcoholic."

Y/n rubbed over her eyes, "Come on."

"No. No im fine..." y/n spoke, sighing and taking a deep breath in Matt taking the mug from infront of her.

"Please. Sleep." Matt begged, "if not for me or for yourself. For Frank."

"I hate you." Y/n laughed tiredly.

"Love you too." Matt spoke walking along side the counter and patting her shoulder, holding onto it as they walked towards the couch.

So you tried to sleep. All curled up in the corner of the couch.

It was useless, no sleep, and not to mention thaf billboard was bright as fuck.

So you tried to day dream with your eyes closed, what would you and Frank be doing now?

It was Sunday, pancakes for breakfast with eggs and burnt bacon, dinner at Peter and Aunt Mays. With a long long drive afterwards, just you and Frank, no where in mind. No where to be.

You'd most likely fall asleep, and he'd care you inside despite you being a full grown teen and he'd stay with you, till you fell asleep, or maybe had a nightmare

A seventeen year old crying to her dad about a nightmare. It was almost Comicial. You kaying with your head in his chest as he rubbed your shoulder

"Now listen kid. I ain't goin anywhere."

You believed it and he kept his word.

He was there whenever you needed him, and sometimes he needed you just as bad. Bad dreams common in the house hold

You'd find him looking over you from your open door. Or him asleep leaning against the frame of the bed. He'd talk to you if he needed, which always happened.

Your mind drifted to a song, you no no idea the name nor the artist, just a small chunk you had heard on the radio you had headphones plugged into before it died, that small peice reminded you of Frank,you didn't know why,

"did you get enough love my little dove, why do you cry. And im sorry I left, but it was for the best"

You dont know why exactly, but it did, maybe because at the end of the day you were both alone, left alone either by choice or not

"Wake up!"

It was sudden, Y/n shot up, heart pounding out of her ears as she looked around, everyone still asleep, bilboard robbing her of her eyesight.

Covering her eyes with her arms she sighed getting up to go to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror she looked like crap, eyes red, dark circles prominet.

Sighing she ran the water on cold, leaning down she splashed it in her face and leaned back up once she grabbed a towel to wipe her face.

Yet it had become darker where she stood, a forever shadow loomed over her.

Turning around slowly, she looked up: "Shit-"

Running her hip bone right into Matts porcelain counter top she wreathed in pain.

"You seem less surpised than others." It spoke.

Y/n looked up at the...well...she didnt know exactly what it was. A pigeon man?

"You. You have a good day." Y/n sighed, holding her hip as she made her way out.

"You can not ignore me-"

"Yeah yeah..." Y/n sighed, wincing, "God damn Matt what is your sink made of? Fucking steel?"

She made her way back over to the couch,talking her previous seat.

"I am a god. You dare ignore me-"

Y/n silenced him by flipping him off and holding a pillow to her face

"Yeah...yeah I am..."

God what a werid dream.

You actually got some sleep, not that it was much. Yeah it was closer to none than anything.

Bucky woke you up, slapping a few papers in your face

You sighed getting up, and as you walked to the table you were handed a plate of left over bacon and eggs and day old pancakes.

Aunt may, foggy and karen had gone out for supplies, mostly medical supplies.

So the breakfast you all had quiet, it could be well...anyones last meal, you're all the underdogs at the end of the day, the ones below the big heros.

After breakfast you didnt bother doing the dishes, everyone finshed there food, and drinks and just sat in silent.

Pep talk? Yeah no ones ready for that.

So when the time comes, everything's ready, its time

You're all suited up, the suns setting, and you're on the roof. Maybe last moment gitters out the way.

"You up here?" Matt asked, dressed in his daredevil suit, mask in hand.

"Yeah." Y/n spoke as Matt walked up to her, her hand out to tell him where she is.

He felt the air and grabbed it, smiling as he pasued next to her.

"Pray with me?" Matt questioned, "Not to anything. Or anyone. Just for good luck?"

Y/n nodded, "Yeah...okay."

Both got to there knees, sitting infront of one another his hands clasping hers tightly.

And Matt started, never used God's name, or Jesus, just prayed, prayed that they could watch each others back, cracked a few jokes here and then, asked New York to support and help in bringing Wilson Fisk to justice. Y/n figured it was more of Matts way to calm down than anything, feeling his hands jitter over hers occasionally.

He finished with a deep breath,

"And I pray to god that my old man doesnt find out matt let me drink Fireball." Y/n prayed.

Matt sighing with a laugh following short after.

"Im gonna have to pray to god for that one too." He smiled pulling his hands away leaving a cross in your grasp, "Consider it me looking over you."

It's time. No beating around the bush, no games. It's time to go get you're old man back.

You all split up into teams. You're with Buck and Matts with Peter. Scotts alone, mostly because hes the only one able to shrink and someone needs to cut the power.

"This is pathetic. You need me."

"I don't need shit from you pigeon boy." Y/n glared.

Barnes only looked at her, "What?"

"What?"

"Who are you talking too?" He argued.

"What do you mean who? You dumbass he's right there!"

"Who!?"

"I don't know what he is! He's there though!- he can't see you can he."

"No. He can't."

Thats extremely embarssing

But you can hear the enemy on there way so you both split and hide quickly.

"My name. Is Khonshu-"

"Yeah Hi. Y/n- now shhh."

Newest shit disturber team. Lets gooooo

So luckily you're not caught, and you regroup with Barnes and make your way down the hall.

And scotts cut the power.

Bustin through that door as quick as you could, taking out men as quick as you could.

And when the lights come back on no ones in there, no fisk, no frank, just bodies that have dropped and a chair, restraints leather and it covered in blood, old tools on a metal tray on a metal cart, covered in fresh and old blood.

"No...no...he was suppose to be here..." Y/n started, "He was suppose to be here!"

A phone starts to ring, its on one of the men and Bucky's quick to help her look, finding the phone, Y/n picks it up.

"Hello. Ms.Castle."

"Fisk." Y/n seethed, "Let him go. And fight me. Like a man you pussy."

Fisk was calm, "I'd like to invite you, and only you, up the elevator shaft."

"Where is Frank." Y/n demanded, "Tell me."

"I have a proposal for you." He spoke, "now. Come the elevator shaft is around the corner to your left and down the hall."

The phone line went dead. Y/n looking at it in anger before throwing it against the wall in anger.

"Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!" She shouted.

You only did what told despite Bucky telling you to stop, something about you're going to get yourself killed. Your only response was "dont follow me"

You stood in that elevator shaft, Bucky running to find the others.

You were expecting a mob after you waited the long elevator ride, but nothing there, but a servent.

"Ms. Castle. Please follow me."

She followed in silence, weary of what was happening, she was out of place just walking down the hall. Close behind followed Khonshu.

"Use the suit. You need it."

"What fucking suit." Y/n whispered in argument, "Im seeing a giant mummfied pigeon with a moon staff, what I need is my dad and some fucking mental help."

Khonshu scoffed, "When someone offers you a hand you take it. I spent time trying to find you."

"Creep much?" Y/n whispered back, "What do you even want from me."

"Wilson Fisk must pay for his actions."

"What did he do to you? He probably cant even see you."

"You incompetent." Khonshu argued, "I am Khonshu-"

"Yeah I know. Speed it up where almost there." Y/n argued softly.

"I am the god of the moon. I control the night sky, and anything that rains under it. I am true justice and I am vegence."

"So what you kill bad people?" Y/n argued.

Khonshu sighed, "Yes. My Avatar does such things in my name. In return I provide protection. I am offering you a tempoary partner ship. Fisk is unjust, and has made many bleed. Including you. He must face real justice."

"Turns out I like you after all pigeon boy."

You agreed to his terms his pain point being you were going to get Frank back.

So when the big doors opened to a large suite, you've never been in something so beatiful before.

It made you sick to your stomach how someone so sick and twisted got all this, but that didnt matter, you could care less, Frank sat, dried and fresh blood covering his face, tied to a white chair.

Fisk sitting across from him and another man, both dressed nicely, top of the line.

"Ms.Castle. please. Sit." Fisk spoke.

Frank couldn't recognize her besides the "Ms.Castle" that was said, his worst fear come true. Y/n had turned into him on the outside. He had only hoped it was different on the inside.

Y/n walked over, taking a seat window behind her and threw it, a large drop. She covered in dirt and blood, her dark colors clashed against the whites of the room.

"Wilson."

The man turned around, standing up, Vanessa at the top of stairs.

"Beatiful. Isnt she?" Wilson asked Y/n who stayed silent, Venessa all dressed up, all fany and nice, Wilson met her st the bottom of the stairs, with a soft hand bringing her over and pulling her chair out to sit, she sat across from Y/n, and between the man and Wilson.

Y/n was silent, as food was put infront of them all, and a fresh glass of wine.

"Please. Take the mask off." Fisk spoke.

Y/n took it off with a sigh of breathe, setting it down next to the table.

"Fuck..." Frank sputtered, coughing up some blood as Y/n tried to not look at him, if she looked anymore, she'd break.

"Not what you were expecting out of your daughter Mr.Castle-"

"Snap his neck. It's easy, use the suit." Khonshu spoke, "Even without it your entirely capable."

"-For your daughter to have the same life as you, for her to become you-" Fisk contuined, Y/n's blood boiling with every word.

"No.." Frank spoke, groaning at the pain riddled across his body.

"Summon the suit. Now." Khonshu ordered.

"-it is one of my greatest fears," Fisk admited, "My child. Turning into me, a monster. A murderer. A terrorist. To be a horrible father like my own was, to ruin my child-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Y/n screamed, hands slammed down on the table wipping the expensive china and wine glass away, she standing up with fury as she was ingulfed in white bandages.

"Im done playing fucking games! Im taking your fucking head!" Y/n shouted.

Oh and you weren't taking no for an answer, you bet you flipped that table with one hand

And now that you have Khonshu's suit

OHHHH NOTHIN STOPIN U NOW BABY

Fisk actually tries to fight back, bitch is loosin tbh

Doesnt mean he doesn't land a few good hits that knock you down

The other two got away but you could careless.

"IM FUCKING YOU UP RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW!"

But Frank calls your name and you turn and he's shaking his head at you

Sure killing people is one thing, but trigger killing? He doesn't want you stuck in that dark deep void.

"Don't..." he spits, "don't do it. Don't let this be your bad day."

Y/n only looks at him, Fisk there, he's down, face bashed in. Shes so close. But Fisk gets back up and suddenly your in the sky and thrown across the room.

But you're up and fighting again, and you best be damn know you got your face pumbled but still won.

You can hear gunshots, mutliple, of every type of gun.

The others are coming, which dosent give you much time to kill Fisk.

Theres so many ways, so many, crack his skull in two making him bite the corner of the table, maybe even the stairs, break the window and push his face into one of the broken peices. Maybe split the white painting up and stab him in the hard with one of the pieces of wood, perhaps one of these weapons from Khonshu. Maybe you'll be old fashion and beat his face in.

You go with kicking his head into a pulp,

But only a few kicks in and here they come

"HEY! HEY HEY!" Matt argued, Grabbing her with Peter, they back from there own bloody battle, each one covered in fresh blood.

"Fuck you that's my fucking father you peice of shit!" Y/n cried, " Fuck you!"

She escapes there grip just for Bucky to grab her and take her to the ground.

"Hey! Hey! Stop! Alright!?" He shouted ripping the hood and the bandage formed mask off her face, "Breathe! God damn it breath!"

It takes a mintue, but they calm her down, Bucky still ontop of her, her hands pinned to her back as he held them, the suit disappears gradually but with a quick pace. Her forehead presses against the carpeted floor.

"That's it. Okay?" Bucky speaks, getting off her snd letting her roll to her back.

"The Police are on there way." Scott tells, Frank leaning on him as he takes heavy breathes, "We gotta spilt."

Bucky gets Y/n up, one hand on her bicep.

"I'll wait here with Fisk." Matt explains, looking in her general direction, "Go. Now."

#frank castle x female reader #frank castle x reader #frank caslte #frank castle angst #marvels frank castle #marvel frank castle #marvel fic #marvel x reader #marvel angst #angst #x reader #x female reader #oh no. anyways- #female reader

[rainileo]

imagine josh (seventeen) walking in on you masturbating

roommate!joshua x (female reader)

warnings: dildo use, swearing, sexy josh, dirty talking

lmk if i miss anything (not proof read)

a/n: IM BACK!! Sorry for being gone for so long, I had lost motivation to write but I feel like it’s good to be back on here and connecting with you all<3

5:30 pm

“Fuck.” You desperately whisper under your breath, throwing your head back as pleasure courses through your body rapidly. Your thighs shake around your hands and your back arches up in response.

Your heart pounds violently in your chest and beads of sweat quickly falling down the sides of your face from the rapid movements from your arm.

Thrusting the thick, pink dildo in and out of your sopping heat, your thighs shake harder as you pick up the pace.

The moans from the two porn actors resonating around your room and your ears burn from how loud the girl is moaning, causing your insides to flutter.

Trailing your free hand between your legs, you speedily rub your clit, desperately attempting to bring yourself to your release.

You body becomes tense and hot from how hard you were trying. Your insides burning and your eyes fluttering close as the tip of the dildo brushes against your sweet spot.

The only thing was, you completely missed your roommate coming into your shared apartment. The noises of the video, concealing the sounds of his curious steps towards your room.

And of course you thought you would be alone longer so you had left your door wide open, your lower half wide open and on display to whomever walked through your door.

You were so focused on your pleasure that you didn’t even notice Joshua walking into your room, getting an eye full of you desperately thrusting your... fairly large, pink dildo into your dripping pussy.

Joshua was immediately stopped in his tracks at the site of you, his mouth dropping open in shock, eyes widening.

The way you were eagerly arching your back, hand still furiously rubbing your bundle of nerves, caused Josh to fall weak in the knees at the sight.

Joshua had always thought you were undeniably hot, and honestly had thought about you in this way, but this was different. It was so much more surreal now that he was seeing it right in front of him.

You moan out loudly and the sound goes straight to his groin, his dick slightly twitching and hardening in the confines of his pants.

“Holy shit.” Josh says a bit too loudly. Otherwise if he had kept quiet you probably wouldn’t notice him. Your head shoots up in panic and your eyes are wide with shock.

The two guys make eye contact and everything goes still, the sex noises resounding around the room. You lift yourself onto your elbows to get a better look at him, dildo stilling deep inside of you.

Josh only smirks at your look; hair falling into your face, chest rising and falling frantically, your thighs covered in your wetness. He almost wants to pinch himself, feeling way too lucky to catch you in this act.

You both don’t say anything, just silently staring and blinking each other until one of you decides to break the silence,

“I-i’m sorry, I didn’t mean to catch you like this, I-I just heard-“

“-will you fuck me?” Cutting him off, biting your lip again and shifting your thighs around. The long dildo stays unmoving deep inside of you, and you continue to clench around it, awaiting his response.

“Holy fuck, yeah.” Josh says, letting his bag drop onto the floor and striding towards you.

He slowly crawls onto the bed, settling in between your legs, going to hover over you. you go to turn off the porn, reaching down to grab it but he stops you by grabbing your wrist, turning the phone to himself to see what plays on the screen. He let out and airy laugh when he sees the content that plays on your phone and drops your arm, looking into your eyes darkly and speaking,

“you like it rough, huh?” He questions and red blooms all over your face, becoming even more flushed. Josh swells with pride in seeing your reaction, smiling to himself.

You let go of your lip that was stuck between your lips and lick them seductively. Nodding silently in response to his question, breathing through your nose heavily.

“You want me to fuck you hard and rough baby?” His voice drops an octave, causing you to clench around the rubber between your legs.

You whimper and nod your head furiously this time, becoming more and more needy by the second, wanting him inside of you. Josh chuckles darkly and reaches his hand between the two of you and grips the dildo, pulling it out slowly, and roughly pushing it right back into you, and continuing that motion.

The movements cause you to let you mouth drop open and whine loudly. Looking into his eyes, you plead silently. “F-fuck that feels so good,” spiting out, back arching again in response to his ministrations.

“You want my cock angel?”

Letting one of your free hands trail up to rest on the nape of his neck, he stops to move one of his warm palma to your thigh, awaiting your response before continuing on. Your eyebrows furrow together at the lack of movement, biting your lip and bucking your hips, “yes josh please fuck me.” You answer, both hands moving to the sides of his face, giving him a quick peck as he his starts his movements of thrusting the dildo inside of you again.

“Good girl.” Was all he said as he kissed your forehead, pulling out the long dildo, leaving you whining from the loss of being filled. The dildo is tossed somewhere you’re not aware of as your focus is completely on Josh as he begins to remove his shirt, also tossing it somewhere unknown.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a little while now.” His comment makes you clench in anticipation again, him smirking after noticing and moving his hands to undo his pants, quickly shifting them off and throwing them somewhere along with the other forgotten garments.

“Me too.”

The sigh you let out is quickly cut off from him leaning down to kiss you again, pecking your lips and licking over them making you gasp out, allowing him to let his tongue explore your mouth.

The kiss you share is rough, teeth clashing as he moves his hand down to your core, letting his palm run over your wetness, spreading it and shoving his fingers in briefly to tease you.

The motion makes you desperately whine at him, intertwining your fingers into his hair and pulling it. “So impatient.” Commenting against your mouth.

With that he lets go of your lips and slowly moves down your torso. Taking a few minutes to leaves kisses against your torso, pecking your sternum once more before looking up to you through his lashes, “protection?” You motion to your bedside table, and he quickly crawls over to obtain one to move back to his position just as fast.

Moving back to his original position between your legs and opening the gold packet with his teeth, hastily sheathing the rubber onto his length. You let your focus fall on his movements between your legs and watch him intently, “you tell me when to stop.” He hastily says once before kissing you deeply and pushing the tip of his cock into you slowly.

The fingers in his hair tighten again as he grunts into your mouth, fully sheeting himself inside of you.

Josh pulls away from your mouth once he’s balls deep, checking for any negative reaction in your expressions. You desperately buck your hips up into him and he takes that as a sign to start thrusting, immediately gaining a fast pace, slamming into you roughly.

“Shit.” you spit out, watching between your legs to see him pistoning in and out of you, your wetness coating his cock completely.

Your brows sit in the middle of your face, furrowed as his cock fills you nicely. “God, you feel amazing around me baby.” Josh’s praise makes you clench around him, moaning out just as his tip hits your sweet spot when he grinds perfectly into you.

“Mhm, it’s feels so fucking good.” Your hands travel to his forearms, nails digging in from the pleasure.

He perfectly switches between slamming his pelvis against your to slowly grinding down into you to hit that spot perfectly. It makes you arch into him, chest brushing against his.

He takes notice towards your untouched mounds, slowing himself to a grind to grip them in his hands, kneading them roughly.

“So fucking beautiful.”

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagine #seventeen smut #joshua smut #mingyu smut #wonwoo smut #dino smut #dokyeom smut #hoshi smut #jeonghan smut #seungkwan smut #seungcheol smut #vernon smut #the8 smut #jun smut #woozi smut

[angellesword]

JAMAIS VU | JJK (one-shot)

➭ Sooyoung and Jungkook just got married when a terrible car accident happened, leading Sooyoung to her death and Jungkook to a visionless world. This incident forced the Jeons to ask you, a caregiver who sounded like Sooyoung, to pretend like you were Jungkook’s late wife in order to convince him to push through his eye surgery.

Would you do it?

alternatively,

“I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.”

Pairing: rich husband!jungkook x caregiver!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, hurt/comfort, slight married au, (pretend wife) slight strangers to lovers (it’s really complicated.)

Word Count: 34.6k (ONE SHOT)

Warnings: car accident, resulting to severe injuries and death, cursing, blood, JK is in coma for weeks, GUYS LISTEN: JK will be in a car accident and the consequences are INACCURATE. He’s only alive because of a ‘miracle.’ Seriously, the motif of this fic is INACCURACY lmao, discussion of eye surgery, identity theft, FRAUD!!!! OC takes advantage of JK’s disability, FRAUD, FRAUD, and did I mention fraud already? dubious consent, JK cums in his pants, kissing, oral sex (f.receiving) tricked into having sex, rape (y’all JK thought OC is his wife) handjob, thigh riding, multiple orgasms, physical violence, stalking, death threats, trauma, JK is seventeen when he got into a relationship with 25 y/o Sooyoung, so you know, grooming! suicidal thoughts, power tripping, mention of smoking (pot) slut shaming, human trafficking, abandoning of a newborn baby, foreplay in public (swimming pool) unprotected sex, hate fucking??? rough sex??? squirting, impregnation kink, OC and JK banged against the piano. ah. JK is a pianist but i don’t know anything about this organ (IM SORRY)

dictionary: sajangnim - boss | male: hyung - older brother | noona - older sister | jagiya: darling/baby/honey

Click here for the spotify playlist of this fic. (PLEASE.)

Jeon Jungkook was barely eighteen when he married Sooyoung—the girl who he claimed was the love of his life.

He was so into her that he didn't even bat an eyelash when his parents threatened to cut him out of the will.

"I don't care. I love Sooyoung and I will marry her." Jungkook tongued the inside of his cheek, sending a nasty glare to his mother. "Even if you disinherit me."

Even if you disinherit me. Such a bold thing to say for someone who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Jungkook was raised in a world where he could have anything he wanted with just a snap of his fingers.

He lived off his parents' money, not knowing real responsibility. All this time he was inside a bubble made out of diamond.

But this bubble popped when he turned his back on his family to be with Kang Sooyoung.

"I can't believe we really did it!" Sooyoung squealed in the passenger seat, the adrenaline hadn't worn off yet. It had been less than an hour since she got married.

The wedding wasn't grand but only because it was rushed. No one attended the ceremony, not even their families and friends.

Sooyoung didn't mind. What's important was their honeymoon. Jungkook promised to bring her to Maldives. They're on their way to the airport now actually.

"We did, huh. Everything's worth it, Sooyoung-ah." Jungkook glanced at his wife, flashing her his toothy grin. There were sparks in his eyes. "Leaving my family is worth it."

The spark was gone the moment Sooyoung opened her mouth.

"Jungkook," the tone of her voice was rough. Her heart was thumping, but this time it wasn't because of euphoria.

Sooyoung was agitated. She could only hope she was wrong for taking his statement at face value. She had to ask him what he meant, right?

"You—" she swallowed thickly, unsure how to phrase her thoughts. "Please tell me your family agreed to us getting married..."

Jungkook nipped at his upper lip, his grip on the steering wheel tightening.

"Jungkook." She said his name in a demanding way. She needed an answer. Now.

"They didn't." He murmured, refusing to look at his wife. "They told me they'd disown me if I married you."

Sooyoung sucked in a breath. Her voice was shaky when she asked him why his family didn't like her.

Jungkook didn't want to respond to that. He knew the answer would break her heart. The Jeons didn't like Sooyoung because she was a gold digging bitch—at least this was what Jungkook's older sister said.

Jeon Jang-mi couldn't think of any other reason why twenty five year-old Sooyoung would want to marry Jungkook. The latter was barely an adult. He didn't understand how the real world worked. She doubted he could fulfill the desires of an older woman. Jungkook didn't think so though. He snarled at his sister, saying that she didn't know shit.

Sooyoung married him because of love, not money. However, this was where Jungkook was wrong.

Jang-mi was right all along. Sooyoung turned out to be a gold digger.

"Y-You have to go back!" She demanded in distress. "Go back to your family and ask for their forgiveness.You can't live your life without their support, Jungkook!"

At first he thought she was being sweet.

"That's sweet," so he told her that. "But I won't. I hate them. They don't want me to be happy—"

"This isn't about you being happy, you brat! This is about us surviving!" She hissed at him, hitting his arm. "You are a child, Jungkook! This is stupid! You are stupid! How do you think you'll live without your family's money, huh!?"

"I'll find a job!" Sooyoung was upset and so was he. Jungkook never raised his voice at her before, but she was pissing him off. Calling him stupid and making him feel like a boy. He was a man now. He got married!

"Find a job?" She scoffed. "Do you hear yourself, huh!? You haven't even been to college! You are a fucking high school graduate, Jungkook! Who would want to hire you?" Now she cackled, her eyes brimmed with tears, not with sadness but with frustration.

Jungkook was stubborn.

"I told you already! I will find a job!" He repeated. "My friend’s friend opened a restaurant and they're looking for a delivery boy—"

"A delivery boy!" She gaped at him. "Jungkook, I swear to God if you applied for that job I'm going to divorce you!"

Jungkook abruptly stopped the car upon hearing that. "What did you just say?" His eyes darted quickly to her, his nostrils flaring.

"You're going to what?" His ears were red, brows pinched together. He was so confused and hurt and infuriated he didn't know what to do.

"I will divorce you!"

It was like he had been punched in the gut.

"I only married you for money, Jeon. If you can't provide for me, then what's the point of staying in this relationship? I don't love you."

She glared daggers at him.

"I will never love you."

It's funny that with four words, the world he took years to build would collapse just like that.

"Y-You don't mean that." Jungkook felt like life was sucked out of him.

He felt weak. Defeated.

Jang-mi was right. Sooyoung was a gold digger.

"So either apologize to your parents and beg them not to cut you out of the will or keep your pride and lose me."

She was a bitch too.

"No." If she was bitch, then he was a brat.

"I won't lose you."

Jungkook started to drive once again.

Sooyoung let out a breath of relief; however, the complacency she thought she had had been shattered when Jungkook drove straight ahead.

"Uh, Jungkook," she creased her forehead. "This is not the way to your parents' estate. You need to turn around."

"No." He stepped on the gas harder.

She panicked.

"What do you mean no?" Her eyes were wide, her mind was running wild. "You said you didn't want to lose me!"

"I did say that," harder. He stepped on the gas harder. "But I didn't say I'll apologize to my parents."

"Jungkook!" Sooyoung shrieked because her husband fooled her and also because he was going too fast.

100 km/h.

"We're off on our own, Sooyoung. We're going home. I rented an apartment for us."

110 km/h.

"No! Stop the car, Jungkook! Let me go! I don't want to be with you!" She unfastened her seat belt.

Jungkook was alarmed, thinking that she would get away.

He stepped on the gas with more force.

120 km/h.

"Bastard!" Sooyoung cried, hitting his arms, thighs, and chest. "Stop the car! I want to get out!"

Sooyoung's wish came true.

She got out of the car.

Not through the door though.

But through the window.

Jungkook was going too fast that their car crashed into something big. Jungkook couldn't really remember what it was.

His mind was hazy. Blood dripped down his head.

But he remembered wanting to get out of the car.

He knew he had to go to Sooyoung. He had to check on her. She was lying on the ground, surrounded by her own blood and shattered windshield glass.

But he couldn't. His head hurt, his body hurt, his heart hurt and all he wanted to do was sleep.

So he slept.

A miracle.

The doctors told the Jeon family that ‘miracle’ was the only explanation why Jungkook was alive.

In almost all cases, people who got into a car accident ended up dying, especially if they were reckless on the street.

Jungkook was reckless. He should have been dead...but he wasn't.

He was alive, suffering from injuries—well, severe injuries.

Jungkook was unconscious for two whole days. He also didn't respond to Dr. Kim Namjoon’s commands, not even on any stimuli, including painful ones.

Dr. Kim had to declare that Jungkook was in a coma.

Coma normally lasted for no more than two to three weeks. However Jungkook's case was different. He stayed unconscious for six weeks before evolving to the next level of consciousness which was vegetative state.

As a caregiver for three years now, you were aware that people who entered the vegetative state would be awake, but unaware.

This was why you weren't startled when Jungkook suddenly opened his eyes. You were surprised, however, when he grabbed your hand forcefully, stopping you from dabbing a damp washcloth to his face.

"S-Sooyoung!" Jungkook panted, heart recoiling.

You flinched, pupils dilating because of your sudden skin contact with patient Jeon. His grip on your hand was so tight you felt like he was cutting your blood flow. Water from the damp washcloth also cascaded down your arms as he squeezed your hand harder.

You winced, pressing the buzzer to indicate that you needed help. Patient Jeon Jungkook was in a coma for six weeks. He was supposed to be weak and unable to move.

How could he grip your hand like this?

"Sooyoung!" Patient Jeon screamed again, voice low and hoarse. You saw tears rolled down his cheeks. He looked like he was in a lot of pain.

"Sooyoung, d-don't leave me! Please!"

Jungkook was starting to get aggressive. His grip on you grew tighter but you didn't push him away. You couldn't do that to a patient who was breaking apart. You were his only anchor, you couldn't let him drown in sorrow.

"What happened—oh, my! Jungkook!" Jinjoo, Jungkook's other older sister, covered her mouth, too shocked to see that her brother was going feral.

The doctors and Jungkook's mother were surprised as well. No one thought that they'd be seeing someone who was in a coma for weeks acting like he was suddenly possessed—too strong and hard to control.

"Sooyoung! I need to see Sooyoung!" He sounded so broken that your heart churned. You wanted to turn away and leave the medical workers to tend to him; but you couldn't. You were stuck here, wallowing with the pain of Jungkook's cold hand holding and scratching you.

"I need to see Sooyoung!" He repeated, sobbing and choking. "Why can't I see Sooyoung? Why can't I see anything?"

"Dr. Kim! Why is he like this?" Jungkook's mother weeped. The pain of seeing her son like this killed her, especially because the doctor didn't seem like he had an explanation why the patient was acting like this.

Jungkook was supposed to be in vegetative state while Dr. Kim was expected to perform a series of formal tests, confirming that patient Jeon's condition was worsening toward brain death.

Instead of that, here they were, trying to calm an aggressive patient. Dr. Kim instructed the nurses to sedate Jungkook. The task was proven to be difficult as Jungkook struggled to get away, like there's somewhere else he needed to be.

You realized immediately where he wanted to go.

"Sshh, Jungkook..." You caressed his hand that's still holding you. "It's me Sooyoung. I'm here...I'm not going to leave you...sshh..."

"Sooyoung?" Instantly, Jungkook calmed down, allowing the nurses to move quickly as they sedated him.

Jungkook winced in pain. His grip on your hand was loosening.

"Sooyoung...I'm sorry, don't leave me..." He trailed off, eyes fluttering shut. "I'll be good..." This was the last thing he said before losing consciousness.

The day of the accident, Sooyoung's wish came true: she wanted to get away from him.

She did.

When Jungkook woke up after being in a coma for weeks, he made a wish too: he hoped Sooyoung would be around when he woke up again.

His wish didn't come true.

Kang Sooyoung was dead. She died seconds after their car crashed.

Mrs. Jeon and her two daughters were worried about you—this was the only rational reason you could think of as to why they invited you to their estate.

"Here..." Mrs. Jeon said warmly as she placed a cup of tea in front of you.

"Thanks," you grinned, eyes roaming around the place.

The Jeon estate was probably the biggest house you had ever been to. Their breakfast nook was thrice bigger than your apartment. Everything you saw sparkled with gold and diamonds.

They're not just rich. They're rich rich.

You glanced back at Mrs. Jeon, about to tell her that they had a lovely home; however, you weren't able to speak when you saw the scowl on her face.

She was staring at your hand, the same hand her son scratched when he woke up aggressive.

"Ah," you hid your hand immediately, not wanting her to worry. "It's nothing." You lied. Your hand hurt. There were scratches on the back of your hand and palm.

Jungkook's fingernails were sharp and long. He got you good.

"It's not nothing," Jang-mi blurted out beside you. She gritted her teeth after calling your name, the tone of her voice made you feel like you had offended her.

"You got hurt because of my brother." Now she sounded dejected.

"It's my job to help patients, Ms. Jang-mi." You hoped the smile you gave her was somehow reassuring. You didn't want her to worry because you're honestly okay. "I've been through worse. Some patients are really aggressive, although I have to say I wasn't expecting Patient Jeon to act like that."

Shivers ran down your spine upon remembering what happened three days ago. You still had no idea where Jungkook got that energy to fight you and the medical workers.

Could it be, just like what they said, a miracle? You hadn't seen patient Jeon since he was first sedated. The Jeons asked you to take a break for a short while since they understood that you're probably shaken up because of what the youngest Jeon had done to you.

Admittedly, you thought that the short vacation was unnecessary. You were a caregiver, your job was to take care of your patients, especially when they're behaving that way. But the Jeons were feeling guilty, forcing you to unwind for a week. They said you didn't have to worry about salary deductions. They got it covered.

"Our Jungkookie is very lucky to be given a second chance..." Mrs. Jeon's throat closed up, she could feel tears forming in her eyes.

Your heart stirred as you looked at her. You weren't a mother, but you felt like you understood what she's going through right now. Nothing's more painful than watching your son on his deathbed and not knowing what to do.

Mrs. Jeon felt helpless.

"It's not just luck. I'm sure he deserves to live. Your son is a good person..." This was something similar to what you always said to the family of your patients albeit not knowing a single thing about them.

It wouldn't hurt to be supportive, right? How bad was it to lift someone up when you obviously had the means to do so?

"How's he doing, by the way?" You asked, sipping your tea and hoping they'd finally tell you why you were here.

Were they worried about you getting hurt? Or was there something else? You were an independent caregiver, Mina, your friend, recommended you to the Jeons weeks ago. You instantly accepted the job to look after Jungkook because if you were being honest, this was probably the easiest caregiving job you had ever taken.

Patient Jeon had seven caregivers because there were seven days a week. You were tasked to look after him every Monday for twenty four hours. Your job included wiping his face, making sure he's receiving proper treatment from the hospital, and singing. You liked singing lullabies to him. Mrs. Jeon told you that her son was musically inclined so you thought singing might help him recover.

"He's..." Mrs. Jeon wanted to answer your question, unfortunately she trailed off. She felt like there's a lump in her throat.

When you looked at Mrs. Jeon's daughters, you noticed their somber expression too, causing you to panic.

Did something bad happen to Jungkook?

Jinjoo confirmed it.

"Our Jungkookie...his eyes..." She was having a hard time completing her statement. She felt like there were heavy stones in her chest, "they're damaged. He can't see."

"Oh." Your shoulders dropped, sympathy swimming in your eyes. You had looked after blind people before. Your heart broke every time they shared their stories to you—how they wished they could see the blue sky, the leaves from falling down, and the smile of their loved ones.

As if being reminded by your former patients' stories wasn't painful enough, the Jeons started to tell you Jungkook's current condition in detail, breaking your heart even more.

They said he was blind, an obvious consequence of driving recklessly. Jungkook needed to go through surgery in order to see again.

"I'm sorry to hear that," you bit your lower lip, feeling bad. "How's Jungkook holding up?"

The pain in your chest didn't go away, especially when the Jeons revealed to you that Jungkook wasn't doing very well. He was frustrated with the situation, he was so angry. He kept crying and lashing out on everyone.

All he wanted was to see again. He wanted—no, he needed his vision back so he could see Sooyoung again.

"Kang Sooyoung?" Your brow shot up. "She's Jungkook's late wife, right?"

Mrs. Jeon and her daughters kept quiet. They looked uncomfortable when you said the words late wife. You understood the situation at once.

"You...haven't told him..." You said slowly.

Mrs. Jeon shook her head, face pale and lips trembling, like she was caught doing something wrong.

You didn't know what happened between Jungkook and his wife, but you overheard the other caregivers gossiping that Patient Jeon and Sooyoung had a terrible fight, leading to the accident.

The cops went to the hospital a few weeks back. They weren't able to get any information though. Jungkook was in a coma and Sooyoung was dead. The security cameras were the only evidence the authorities could refer to. From what you had heard, it looked like Jungkook was over-speeding, causing his car to crash into a barrier.

The lawyers of the Jeons took care of it. In short, Jungkook wouldn't be held accountable, all he needed to do was to get better.

Except that he couldn't get better without Sooyoung by his side.

"We haven't had the chance to tell him the truth..." Jinjoo admitted, explaining that Jungkook showed aggression whenever they tried to insinuate that something happened to Sooyoung.

He would go feral and then the medical workers would be forced to sedate him again.

"That's rough. Please tell me if there's something I can do to help." You truly wanted to help, but this was also your way of subtly asking them if you could go back to work again.

You hated being stuck at home doing nothing, and for some reason, you also couldn't stop worrying about Jungkook.

The way he cried Sooyoung's name, the way his body trembled, and the way he gripped your hand...all of these were making your heart churn. It was like you could feel exactly what he was feeling.

"Actually..." Mrs. Jeon and her daughters looked at one another, it was as if they're silently agreeing into something. "There is."

Your ears perked up at that. Squaring your shoulders, you told them you're willing to do anything—this was your first mistake.

Looking back, you realized that your first mistake was when your life truly began.

Your second mistake? Agreeing to what the Jeons wanted you to do.

Third mistake? Leaving when he needed you the most.

Absurd.

"Please. You only need to pretend like you're his wife until the day of his surgery..."

You thought the Jeons were being ridiculous when they asked you this.

Truthfully, you were too stunned to speak.

"I—" You tried. You really did. However, you just ended up pressing your lips together.

In your twenty three years of existence, this was the first time you heard something so absurd. No matter how many times they reiterated their idea, you still thought the same thing: they're insane.

Demented.

Cruel.

The Jeons were cruel.

"We'll pay you. A blank check, if you'll just let us."

Your breathing hitched. A blank check! Your head was already spinning just by thinking about it.

It was bad and you knew it, yet you still allowed yourself to imagine having the money to pay rent in a livable apartment, to finally experience hot water gracing your skin, and to eat real food and not just leftovers of your patients.

Maybe with the Jeons' money, you could finally fulfill your job of being a bar owner, providing booze and a place where people could have fun and forget.

"But—" You were supposed to be against this. You were supposed to tell them that this plan would come back and bite them.

Hard.

"Why me?" But your question made it seem like you were agreeing, that they only needed to butter you up first before you said yes.

"Because you sound like that bitc—Sooyoung." Jinjoo corrected herself before she said something that might turn you off.

Who even called a dead person a bitch?

You weren't convinced by Jinjoo's explanation though. This was when Jang-mi decided to interject the conversation.

"Look, I understand that we're asking too much. It's not part of your job but you said you care for your patients, right?"

You had a bad feeling about this. It's dangerous how your own belief could be used against you.

"Jungkook is your patient and he needs to heal." Jang-mi looked desperate. You could feel it. She wanted to hold your hand and squeeze it tight until it hurt and you didn't have a choice but to just...give in.

"We know our brother well. Jungkook wouldn't want to push through the surgery if he finds out that his wife is dead. H-He's...." She let out a shaky breath, "going to question the point of seeing...and living if he can't be with Sooyoung."

"I don't know how to help him. Y-You said I sound like her..." You felt goosebumps attacking your skin. "But I don't know how to be her."

You didn't know what Sooyoung was like. You didn't know what Jungkook expected her to be. Hell, you didn't even know if you really sounded like her.

You saw her pictures though. She didn't look like you but you had the same weight, the same height.

It could work said by the tiny voice inside your head. You wanted nothing but to smack yourself for thinking this way.

For heaven's sake. This was illegal.

You could go to jail.

You were going to be an identity thief if you ever agreed to this preposterous plan.

Say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes. But the voice inside your head would not shut up.

Say yes.

There were also so many points to raise. Say yes.

A lot of things to argue. Say yes,

and a lot of things that didn't make sense. Say yes.

But in that moment, you felt like you were compelled: yes yes yes yes.

Maybe it was the somber atmosphere. Yes.

Maybe it was the desperation in their eyes, the desperation that was squeezing your heart tight. Yes.

Or maybe it was Jungkook and the way he held you. Yes.

Did it matter? No.

You guessed it did not. Yes.

All you knew was that someone was pulling you, and like a magnet, you clashed—thinking that it was the normal thing to do. Yes.

You finally gave in, saying yes. And that, my friend, was your second mistake.

You take it back—wait. This didn't sound right.

You wanted to take it back. Right. This sounded better.

"I said I don't want to fucking eat!"

You know what didn't sound better? Jungkook. He wasn't even good, nothing like the person you thought deserved a chance to live.

Jungkook was terrifying. His family was right. He lashed out on everyone.

You saw it with your two eyes today.

You saw how he swatted the tray of food in front of him, causing it to drop down the floor.

You winced. That's one meal for you. One meal you wanted to have but couldn't.

"Jungkook-ah..." Mrs. Jeon attempted to stroke her son's face, but just like what he did to his food, he also swatted his mother's hand away.

"Don't you fucking touch me! I don't need your sorry ass! I want my wife! Give me Sooyoung..." He was a beast who turned into a prey whenever he mentioned his wife's name.

Sooyoung. That was you now.

You agreed to the plan of the Jeons this morning, but you told them you had to meet Jungkook first. You had the right to know who you're dealing with before really diving in.

Jungkook was in the VIP room of the hospital. He still had many people looking after him. The Jeons actually hired more caregivers. They were looking for someone who could tame Jungkook.

No one could, so they went to you.

It was Jinjoo's idea to let you pretend like you were Sooyoung. Jungkook's older sister thought this was the easier and most effective way to calm her sibling.

She was right.

"I'm here, Jungkook." You murmured, voice so low you doubted he heard you.

He did.

He heard you. The change in his expression and behavior were instant.

"Sooyoung?" Jungkook sounded like a kicked puppy, lips protruding into a sulky pout.

"I-Is that you, Sooyoung-ah?" His voice cracked too.

You glanced at Mrs. Jeon as if you're asking for her permission to answer her son. Jungkook's face was angled towards your direction. Obviously, he couldn't see you, but it didn't mean it made you feel less nervous.

You felt like he was staring into your soul.

"Y-Yeah." Like him, you stammered too. It was a good thing that you were standing in the far corner of the room. Your voice might waver more if you went closer to him.

"Sorry I can't take care of you right now. I'm recovering too...you know, from...injuries." The Jeons didnt set limitations.

They said you only needed to pretend like you were Sooyoung. You could do that, but you had to draw a line. You didn't want to touch Jungkook intimately. No. That was too much.

The only way you could think of in order to escape being intimate towards him was by pretending like you were physically unable to do so.

"It's okay," he said softly as he smiled at you.

Your heart fluttered upon seeing his toothy grin. Jungkook didn't look like he could harm a fly whenever he was smiling.

You liked him when he was like this: soft and not throwing things.

"I'll take anything as long as you're here." The Jeons felt like they could finally breathe after Jungkook said this.

You sucked in a deep breath before saying: "then eat, Jungkook. You'll need your energy back so we can go home."

Your husband grinned, nodding his head like a child waiting for a reward. For the first time since he woke up, Jungkook finally ate well.

The sense of security Jungkook promised was only applicable when you were around.

Days after you told him that you were his wife, Jungkook was back at his destructive habits. He was lashing out on everyone and acting like a brat again.

"If you take another step towards me I'll make sure to fucking erase your face."

Fucking erase your face.

Fucking end your family line.

Fucking kill you.

These were some of his usual threats to his caregivers who were only trying to tend to him. Jungkook was back home but nothing much had changed. His routine was similar to how his day went when he was still staying at the hospital: he was stuck inside his room, he barely ate, and he snarled at those who were trying to converse with him.

Jungkook’s diamond bubble popped, but he blew another one and it was bigger and harder to pop than the previous one. His new bubble was made out of frustration and desolation.

Today, he threatened to erase the face of Dahyun, his new Monday caregiver, for trying to convince him to step outside of his room.

Dahyun simply wanted the best for Jungkook, saying that he needed to at least let sunlights grace his body.

Jungkook refused.

"What's happening here?" You barged inside Jungkook's room when you heard his scream.

Dahyung looked relieved to see you. She was aware of the power you had over Jungkook.

"Sooyoung." Dahyung called through gritted teeth. She and the other caregivers knew that you were pretending to be someone you were not.

Oh the things you all did just for this brat. Dahyun was certain no one would want to be with Jungkook if his family wasn't wealthy. Who would even want to deal with him? He acted like a child and it was getting annoying.

"Jungkook doesn't want to go out." The caregiver let out an exhausted breath, explaining that the patient needed to go out because his face was already so pale and that he needed a serotonin boost.

"I'll handle him." You offered her a tight smile before mouthing an apology.

Dahyun's annoyed face softened because of that. She nodded her head and patted your shoulder before heading out of the room, leaving you all alone with your fake husband.

"Jungkook..." You called as you went near him.

"Where have you been?" He folded his arms, brows knitting. He was also sporting this small pout. If you didn't know any better, you'd chuckle at how adorable he was.

You knew this was just a facade though. Jungkook wasn't a cute guy. He was a boy who hurt people when he didn't get what he desired.

"Out." You replied as you made your way behind his wheelchair. You gripped on the push handle while Jungkook looked back at you.

"Out where?" His lips protrude more.

Yeah. Out where? Said by the little voice inside your head, as if it was mocking you for running away from your responsibilities.

But I didn't leave. You scolded the voice. You just went to the garden here at Jeon estate to relax for a moment.

You owed it to yourself to at least breathe. You couldn't let Jungkook suffocate you.

It was tiring.

Living at the Jeon estate with Jungkook and his family was wearing you out. Sure, you weren't his caregiver anymore but it didn't mean you had escaped your duties.

Pretending to be Jungkook's wife was harder than being his caregiver. He was so demanding. He always wanted to be with you to the point that you already forgot the concept of alone time.

The only time he let you go was when you had to go to the bathroom. Other than that, he was always in the same room as you.

He never touched you though.

He tried to reach for you but you always moved away. You saw hurt crossed his face every time you did that. Admittedly, it made you feel guilty, but you told yourself you were doing him a favor.

Attachment was a dangerous thing. It was already bad that you two slept in the same room. Not in the same bed though.

Your excuse was that you were injured so you needed a big space where no one could accidentally kick you while you were sleeping. This was for the better. He couldn't get used to your touch because this setup was temporary. You'd disappear in his life after a few months.

Weeks from now, you wouldn't be by his side even when he was having a nightmare. You wouldn't be able to sing him a lullaby to help him calm down.

His life would change as soon as he undergoes surgery.

"Garden." You pushed his wheelchair. Luckily, Jungkook didn't threaten to erase your face. "It's nice to be out there, Kookie..."

The nickname rolled off your tongue before you could stop yourself. Jungkook tensed because of it.

He liked that nickname but Sooyoung never called him that. She said it sounded childish.

"L-Let's go out, okay?" You pushed his wheelchair, hoping that it would push the awkwardness away too.

You ought to learn how to act like Sooyoung. You and Jungkook's family had to be careful, otherwise all of these sacrifices would be for nothing.

Fortunately, Jungkook didn't comment on that. He let silence embrace you both as you pushed his wheelchair, only stopping when you reached the garden.

Jungkook clamped his eyes shut and then he inhaled deeply.

You remained standing behind his wheelchair while he relished on the warmth of the sun. The soft chirp of the birds as well as the sound of the wind blowing calmed his nerves.

It felt good to be out.

"Feels nice," and he finally admitted it, albeit sheepishly.

A smile bloomed on your face.

"Told you."

He didn't respond, letting the now comfortable silence engulf you once again.

After a short while, however, you broke the silence.

"You owe Dahyun an apology."

Instead of being defensive, he surprised you by releasing a breath as he muttered "I know," under his breath.

It gave you more courage to call him out for behaving so poorly.

"You can't treat people like that, Jungkook. I understand that you're frustrated with the situation, but you have to know that you're not the only one with feelings here." You swallowed thickly as you looked up at the sky. "Everyone gets hurt too..."

Jungkook felt like there was a lump in his throat. You were right and "you changed," too. He felt like you were not the Sooyoung he knew. Your voice sounded the same but your perspective changed.

Did the accident also change your life? Just like how it changed him?

"W-What do you mean?" You were back at it again. Stammering...Worrying that he would see right through your lies.

"You used to tell me it didn't matter how I treat people..." Jungkook reminisced about what Sooyoung told him whenever he made decisions that didn't sit right with people, like purchasing luxurious items, clubbing on weekdays, and smoking pot. "That I should be loved just the way I am, that if they can't accept me, then they don't deserve me."

It sounded so romantic, especially coming from the love of his life. Who wouldn't fall head over heels for someone who knew how to love your flaws?

"I'm full of shit then." You replied. "If you really care about someone, then you should help them to get better. You shouldn't teach them to love the things that are destructive—the things that should be changed. You're not allowing them to grow by condoning something wrong."

Instead of taking your speech seriously, Jungkook just laughed.

"Wow. Big words. You hit your head that hard, huh?"

You grinned too, understanding at once that Jungkook hated conversations like this.

"We both did."

Again, he didn't respond, but you were right. Both of you hit your head and both of you changed.

You changed into a better person while he changed into a monster.

You were right. He had been treating people around him badly. He was frustrated.

"You need to wash your hair, Jungkook."

Jungkoom hummed, enjoying the feeling of your fingers running through his dark locks. His hair grew fast.

"Seriously. When did you last wash your hair? It stinks. I can see your dandruff—"

"Hey!" He winced, clearly offended. "I wanted to wash my hair...I just...." He sighed, biting his lower lip. "This is all new to me, you know? What if I slipped on the tub?"

The smile on your face disappeared, heart leaping up to your throat. Empathy was also patting your shoulders.

Jungkook was having a difficult time because of his damaged eyes.

"Maybe we can ask Jackson to help you?" You enquired tentatively. Jackson was one of Jungkook's caregivers. You figured he could help your husband wash up if he's not comfortable with the female caregivers.

Jungkook scoffed though.

"You think I'm letting a man near my dick?"

"Jungkook..." You exhaled loudly. Here we go again. "That's literally Jackson's job. He's helped a lot of people like you before. I can assure you there would be no malice—"

"I said no, Sooyoung." He smacked his lips together, annoyed.

You didn't know how else to help him so you just remained quiet.

Jungkook felt like he had been stabbed in the heart when he noticed the shift in your behavior.

He upset you. Again.

"What if..." Jungkook drew in a breath and your ears perked up.

You smiled.

So he's offering an alternative now? That's....a progress, right?

"What if you help me take a bath instead?"

Immediately, you lost your smile.

"Jungkook—"

"What? I'm your husband," he cut you off. "You seemed okay to me now. You can move around. Hell, you even brought me outside."

You knew where he was going. His reasoning made sense too. Technically speaking, you were still his caregiver.

It was your job to help him bathe.

"Please, jagiya." He held your hand that was resting on the push handle of the wheelchair. Jungkook could walk but he's limping. He's undergoing physical therapy but as usual, he needed to be convinced to do it. Jungkook hated using white cane too.

"You said I stink. I know..." He squeezed your hand. "I can smell myself. My scalp itches too."

"Fine," in the end, you relented, reminding yourself that this was part of your job. "Let's go take a bath, you big boy."

Jungkook broke into a boyish grin. He didn't let go of your hand until you reached your shared bedroom.

Helping your husband take a bath wasn't as grueling as you originally thought it would be.

Jungkook was pretty cooperative. When you asked him to get into the tub, he immediately complied. His legs wobbled though.

He wasn't used to walking again so you had to assist him.

Jungkook took off his shirt the moment he got into the tub, causing you to stifle a gasp. Jungkook had a nice body for an eighteen years old. His mother told you he liked going to the gym before the accident.

This was why he had deep collarbones, abs, and toned back muscle. Very pleasing to the eyes, but as much you liked looking at his body, you had to look away when he started to unbutton his pants.

"Sooyoung..." He called your attention, forcing you to cast your gaze back to him.

Jungkook was handing you his dirty clothes.

You grabbed them and then you adjusted the temperature of the heater, asking him if he preferred hot or lukewarm water.

"Hot, jagiya. Please..." He closed his eyes, leaning against the wall as he tried to relax his muscles.

You turned on the faucet, causing Jungkook to moan. He missed the feeling of warm water cascading down his skin.

"I'm gonna wash your hair, Kookie..." It's that nickname again. This time, Jungkook didn't tense when you mentioned it.

You proceeded to wash his hair. Jungkook closed his eyes, a contented sigh escaping his lips from time to time.

Your hands on his hair were softer than he remembered.

It took you five minutes to really wash his hair. When you stopped, Jungkook opened his eyes.

"Done already?" He was pouting.

You couldn't help it. You smiled. He looked so innocent, so adorable.

"You're big enough to wash your body." You handed him the soap.

Jungkook pouted more but he didn't complain. He just started washing his body.

He couldn't stop thinking about how nice it must have felt to feel your hands all over his body though, especially on his dick.

But Jungkook wouldn't tell you that.

Not yet.

Jungkook's mood was lifted after a good warm bath. He didn't throw a tantrum for the rest of the day.

You thought your talk in the garden earlier this day also helped him navigate his feelings.

Days later, Jungkook officially turned into a much better patient.

"I'm full, Nayeon-ssi." He politely rejected his caregiver's offer to add more food on his plate.

Nayeon was pleased to hear Jungkook say this. Beaming, she took his plate and asked if he wanted dessert.

"I'd like some dasik." Jungkook requested and one of their helpers immediately provided him this sweet treat.

Jungkook sniffed the dessert first before taking a bite. His stomach churned while eating. Jungkook was learning how to eat on his own, but sometimes it was difficult.

He felt like crying every time he sniffed his food before actually eating. He missed those times when he could see the lovely detail of this dessert. Right now, he could only smell to know the flavor of what he was munching.

A green tea dasik.

His tears threatened to fall but he inhaled deeply to stop it from trickling down his cheeks.

He promised you he'd do better. He couldn't lose his cool just because he couldn't see what he was eating.

He was bigger than his disability.

"Thanks for the food." Jungkook bowed to no one in particular after finishing his lunch. He could only hope that he was facing his helpers as he bowed to them.

Nayeon helped him sit back on his wheelchair.

"Where do you want to go, Mr. Jeon?" The caregiver enquired.

To my wife. Jungkook bit his tongue before he could say this. You were probably resting in your shared bedroom. You said you didn't feel well.

"Is it too late to make an appointment with my physical therapist today?"

Nayeon was taken aback by Jungkook's request. Was this another miracle?

"No! Not at all, Mr. Jeon..."

Jungkook smiled. Good. He'd get better soon.

The following weeks you spent with Jungkook passed by like a blink of an eye.

Everything seemed to be going smooth these days, unlike your first week in this mansion. Actually, Jungkook still demanded your presence from time to time, but he wasn't acting like a brat whenever you couldn't tend to his needs.

Take for instance the case of Min Yoongi, a client of yours who called you yesterday morning to ask if you could look after his grandmother for that day. Yoongi had a business meeting outside the city. He said he couldn't cancel it since it was an emergency. You were the only caregiver who crossed his mind, mainly because Mrs. Min, his grandmother, couldn't stop talking about you. For her, you were the best caregiver ever.

You couldn't say no to Mrs. Min. Admittedly, she was the best patient for you too. She wasn't hard to deal with. Mrs. Min actually listened when you told her that no, she couldn't eat another pudding.

Yoongi arrived back in Seoul at around eleven pm. He kept saying sorry for monopolizing your time. Your agreement with him was that you were only going to look after his grandmother till 5pm, but time continued to tick and Yoongi was still nowhere to be seen.

He wasn't answering your calls. By 10:50pm, you decided to call Jang-mi to tell her you couldn't make it home tonight. You didn't have the heart to leave Mrs. Min all by herself.

But just as when you're getting ready to sleep on the couch, you heard someone opening the door.

It was Yoongi.

The first thing he did was to bow down to you and apologize. He looked like a mess. His eyes were red and he was catching his breath. Yoongi looked like he aged three times since you saw him this morning.

It was then that you decided to cut him some slack. He clearly needed rest. Yoongi was sweet, despite his apparent exhaustion, he still offered to drop you home.

You declined the offer because Jang-mi told you to ring their driver whenever you're ready to go back to the mansion.

The Jeons were very understanding. They weren't demanding you to stay with Jungkook 24/7 even though it was clear it's what your husband wanted.

"Where'd you go?" Was the first thing he said to you the moment you stepped inside your shared bedroom.

It was already 11:42pm.

Jungkook couldn't sleep because he was waiting for you.

"It's late. Why are you still awake?" You dodged his question by asking him a question.

Jungkook was sitting on his bed, the pillow carrying the weight of the back of his head.

"Couldn't sleep. I was waiting for you." He pursed his lips into a thin line. "So where'd you go? I haven't seen you all day."

You left this morning while he was still sleeping. Of course you asked for the permission of the Jeons. You just didn't know what excuse they told Jungkook when he asked where you went.

"Just out," you uttered your usual excuse as you headed towards your bed.

Jungkook's expression remained unreadable. For some reason, it made you feel guilty, so you added "work. I went to work."

You thought this answer would somehow reassure him; however, it looked like you messed things up more.

You saw how his impassive face turned into ice. His jaw ticked, hands balling into a fist.

"Okay," but in the end, Jungkook simply exhaled calmly. He switched off the lamp beside his bed. "Good night, Sooyoung."

He didn't wait for your response as he was already turning away from you.

Your heart fell.

You two slept on separate beds but you normally faced each other, talking about random things until you fell asleep, sometimes Jungkook would ask you to sing to him.

This night was different though.

The air was colder, the room was quiet, and for the first time since you got here, Jungkook slept with his back facing you.

Guilt.

This was what you felt the morning after you went to the house of the Mins.

Jungkook woke up before you, asking Momo, his caregiver of the day, to accompany him to the garden. When you found out about this, your heart started to feel like it was being squeezed.

Jungkook usually pestered you to join him in the garden to enjoy the sunlight while drinking his favorite chocolate chip frappé. He had a sweet tooth, making you cringe sometimes. He liked adding four pumps of chocolate syrup on his already sweet drink.

You wondered if he was enjoying this drink right now.

You could've been the one accompanying him. You scoffed at the little voice inside your head, it was funny that it popped up whenever you felt like shit.

Yes. You felt terrible for not telling Jungkook the truth last night—wait. You did tell him the truth! You just didn't dive into details.

Was it wrong?

Yes, you idiot. The voice said.

You sighed. Maybe you were an idiot. You weren't even sure if Sooyoung had a job. The Jeons failed to mention this very crucial information to you.

Maybe you should talk to them. You had to ask what excuse they gave Jungkook about your whereabouts yesterday.

"We may have told Jungkook you're a..." Jang-mi winced, as if she was uncomfortable to tell you the truth. "A slut."

You gasped. Of course you fucking gasped. Why would they say that?

"Not you though," Jinjoo corrected her sister immediately. You, Mrs. Jeon, and her daughters were discussing here at their breakfast nook while you all watched Jungkook enjoy his frappé through the floor length window.

Momo was talking to Jungkook but the latter didn't look like he was listening. A frown was etched on his face.

Was it because of what happened last night?

"Sooyoung. We told Jungkook his wife is a slut." Jinjoo explained to you that Sooyoung was a stripper. She and Jungkook actually met in a club when Jungkook was only seventeen.

Their brother used a fake identification card and their parents' money to get into the club. Sooyoung knew Jungkook was a minor but she still pursued him. All for money, obviously.

"That's why he got so upset when I told him I was at work last night," you grunted, too annoyed with yourself.

Jungkook probably thought his wife was cheating on him. Damn it.

"Yeah, because we just proved him wrong. Now he can't face us." Jinjoo scowled.

Jungkook was already upset even before you arrived at the mansion. The Jeons told you they had an argument with Jungkook during lunch time.

Apparently, Mrs. Jeons' daughters kept on talking shit about Sooyoung, causing Jungkook to explode. He was so mad at his family. He questioned why they took you and him back to this mansion if they're just going to disrespect you.

It was your idea. Jungkook told you before that he didn't want to live with his family, that you two could rent a small apartment, but Mrs. Jeon shook her head at you. The deal was that you'd live in their estate until Jungkook's surgery. Besides, you didn't want to live alone with him.

You weren't a real couple. You were just his caregiver.

"It doesn't matter." Mrs. Jeon clasped her hands together. "I think it's better if he thinks that way. He needs to fall out of love with Sooyoung. It will save him from the heartbreak when it's time for you to leave."

When it's time for you to leave. You didn't know why this statement felt like a punch in the gut.

The Jeons dismissed you after that. You still felt guilty though. It's strange when Jungkook's not following you like a lost puppy.

Make it up to him. The voice was back.

You heaved a deep sigh, fidgeting. Should you do something?

Yes. Make him happy.

"Damn it." You cussed and without thinking much about it, you barged into your shared bedroom.

Jungkook looked startled when he heard the door opened.

"Sorry." You apologized sheepishly. Jungkook was sitting on the bed, squishing the massage ball in his hands.

He shrugged nonchalantly, like it didn't bother him—like he didn't care that you were here.

That felt like another punch in the gut. Fuck. Why were you feeling like this?

"How's your morning?" You enquired, still fidgeting.

"Nothing new." Jungkook shrugged again. His entire attention was focused on the massage ball. He was squeezing it with so much force.

"Well..." You licked your lower lip as you played with the doorknob. Damn it. Why were you so nervous?

You didn't do anything wrong.

"Do you want to do something new?"

Jungkook scoffed. He scoffed at something you said.

"Like what? It's not like blind people have many options." He raised the massage ball in the air, like he was proving to you that his life was completely useless.

It pained you that he thought this way.

"Jungkook..." You called softly. His jaw just clenched.

"I'm going to sleep." He threw the ball on the floor. It bounced once before rolling off near the foot of the bed.

You swallowed thickly.

"You already slept for nine hours, Jungkook." You let go of the doorknob. "Why don't we do something fun instead?"

If he was excited, Jungkook didn't let you see it. His stoic expression remained as he asked what's on your mind.

"Amusement park. Let's go to Lotte World..."

It was a bad idea.

You knew you weren't supposed to go on a date with Jungkook. Mrs. Jeon said it's better if her son would fall out of love with Sooyoung.

You should help do this, yet you're doing the exact opposite of it.

Jungkook was falling deeper in love with Sooyoung because of you.

"I'm so happy we're doing this!" You had been with Jungkook for weeks now, sometimes you stayed by his side 24/7. You thought you had seen every emotion he was capable of feeling.

Mostly it's just anger and frustration.

He looked different today.

Jungkook's face was glowing. His toothy grin was on full display. You wondered how he looked if his eyes were sparkling. Jang-mi told you his brother's eyes were the best part of him: wide and doe. It would be very challenging to say no when he stared at you using his biggest asset.

"Jungkook! Let's try this!" You didn't wait for his approval before forcing him to wear devil horns headband.

"Sooyoung," he grimaced at you, lips pouting as he angrily touched the horns.

He groaned, saying that he wasn't evil.

"No, you're not. You're a bunny boy." You giggled, making him groan. He hated being treated like a baby.

"Are you wearing something too?" He touched your head, feeling the design of your headband in his hand.

He huffed when he realized you're wearing an angel halo.

"This is unfair! I'm not a devil!" He repeated which earned a chuckle from you.

He was right though. He wasn't a devil. You were actually the evil one here. You're a fraudster, acting like you were better than his white cane from guiding him.

You weren't. Jungkook had to trust himself before he decided to use the white cane.

Jungkook didn't have to trust you before he decided to rely on you. You just popped into the scene, forcing him to believe you were here for him.

"Let's try more rides?" You brushed off the guilt engulfing you by clearing your throat.

Jungkook beamed, telling you he wanted to ride the ferris wheel.

The two of you had already tried almost all rides fit to Jungkook's condition, thanks to the priority seating lane, you didn't have to wait long.

"Ah. I want this to be our last ride," Jungkook uttered as you helped him get inside the cabin of the ferris wheel.

"You bet. We've tried almost all rides. I'm tired!" You complained playfully.

You were tired but not bored. Jungkook was the best companion in a place like this.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I wanna thank you," Jungkook sounded sincere, his cheeks were turning red, like he was shy to admit this.

"You're my husband, Jungkook. I'd do anything for you." A lie.

A lie you shouldn't have said. What were you doing? This wasn't part of the contract.

But the Jeons told you to look after him. You're just doing that. How convenient that the voice inside your head was suddenly back.

Your lips pursed as Jungkook elucidated how much he appreciated this day.

"Glad to hear that, Sooyoung-ah. Although I never thought you'd bring me here. You said you hate going to amusement parks. You called me childish when I bought us tickets here, remember?"

Something pricked at your heart from the inside when you heard Jungkook's chuckle. He was grinning but you could hear the pain in his voice.

"I hit my head hard, remember?" You mimicked his joke from weeks before.

His smile grew bigger as his hand found yours. Slowly, he intertwined your fingers, sighing when he felt how warm your hand was.

It was more intense than he remembered. Jungkook never felt like he was being electrified when he touched Sooyoung's hand before.

Today, he felt like there were butterflies in his stomach. He felt hot too, like a teenager who finally found the courage to admit his feelings to his crush.

This moment felt like a new beginning.

"How's it?" Jungkook enquired after a moment of stillness. The wind blew harsher, making him realize that you two were on the top now.

You didn't answer.

"I mean the view..." He corrected when he realized that his question was vague. "How does it look?"

Jungkook was still holding your left hand, and so you used your right hand to take off his sunglasses.

Jungkook squinted, not used to the blinding lights. His heart recoiled when you gently pushed the hair covering his eyes to the side.

It revealed his eyes more.

"It's beautiful, Kookie..."

Shivers ran down his spine. For some reason, he felt like you were staring at him instead of the view.

You smiled because his gut feeling was right. You were looking at him and it was that moment when you realized that there's nothing more beautiful than the boy who used to have doe eyes.

You and Jungkook collapsed on your separate beds the moment you reached home.

"Jungkook, I need to help you wash up first. You stink." You teased while trying to sit on the bed. You needed to pull yourself together. You still had responsibilities.

Unfortunately Jungkook wasn't making your job easier. He groaned, covering himself with a blanket as he hugged his pillow.

"I'm so tired, jagiya. I can't even open my eyes..." He yawned.

You mirrored his action. You were so tired that when you saw him close his eyes, you did too.

Groan.

Your eyes flickered open. It was that sound again. The same sound that caused you to instantly get up to attend to Jungkook who was breathing heavily.

"N-No!" He choked, expression twisting to hurt and discomfort. Beads of sweat formed in his head.

"Kookie..." You lightly called him, which was the complete opposite of how you shake him awake.

Four taps later, Jungkook finally opened his eyes. He sat up on the bed almost immediately, his chest heaved violently as he turned to face you.

"S-Sooyoung!" He sobbed, throwing his arms around you. He breathed you in heavily as if he was scared you're gonna disappear.

"Ssshh..." And so you tried to dismiss that silly idea. You were here. You were not gonna leave. "It's okay, love. It's just a dream."

"A nightmare!" He corrected you. His forehead hit your collarbone so hard you felt like he was going to crush it.

Jungkook breathed in your scent once again. Everything was different. Did he remember things differently? Or did things just change?

Why did he feel like you were not the Sooyoung he loved?

Why did his heart clench in a good way whenever you assured him everything was alright? Why were you so sweet and why did he like you better this way?

"I— I saw it. They're going to take you away from me..." He weeped while gripping on the hem of your shirt as if his life depended on it.

Jungkook had nightmares before but he never talked about it. Admittedly, his dreadful dreams were the only ones he kept away from you. He shut himself down whenever you asked what happened while he was sleeping. Jungkook never answered you. There was even this time when he went as far as snapping at you when you insisted on knowing the details of his dream.

He looked so broken that you had to let it go. You knew forcing him to share only brought him pain.

"No one's going to take me away from you." You assured him because you had a feeling this was the better thing to do. People tended to share more on their own. You wanted him to trust you on his own and not just because you coaxed him to do so.

"You don't understand! I saw it!" He insisted. "The light pulled you and you just gave in. You didn't even fight! It's...it's like you want to leave! I kept calling your name but you never looked back! Not even once—"

"Kookie." You had to cut him off. He was hyperventilating. His body trembled and the neckline of your shirt was wet with his tears.

You tried to grab his shoulders, forcing him to focus on you. He didn't. He pushed you away, flinching terribly when you touched him.

"Stop it! Stop it! Just fucking stop it!" He cried. Stress and terror were evident on his face. "Stop acting like nothing bothers you! Like everything is okay! It's not!"

His voice was strained from screaming. The Jeons knew Jungkook was having nightmares from time to time. A few weeks ago, they barged into your shared room to make sure everything was fine, but they realized Jungkook became more agitated when he was surrounded by people.

You couldn't blame him. It was really frightening to be around people, especially when you're the only one who couldn't see them. Being alone in the dark was the worst.

"You!" He choked back a sob. He failed. He sputtered angry words. "You almost died because of me! You should hate me! You said you don't love me so why?" He was shouting right in front of your face, spit everywhere.

His face was surrounded by darkness. You hated seeing him like this.

"Why are you still here? You said you're gonna divorce me! Why haven't you—"

You pulled him to your chest but he started squirming against your hold. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks.

You embraced him until he stopped struggling. He was so tired he just let you hold him.

He didn't speak. You chose not to assure him things would be okay soon. No. You couldn't do that now that he told you how it made him feel.

Jungkook hated himself. He felt like you kept your frustration to yourself because you didn't want to upset him.

What he didn't know was that you just didn't know how to react. You didn't know what happened between him and Sooyoung. Hell, you weren't even aware that his late wife wanted to divorce him.

Jungkook thought you were holding back whenever he tried to talk to you about the day of the accident. What he wasn't aware of was that you didn't say anything because you didn't know anything, and that he was wrong:

you were not Kang Sooyoung. You were not the girl he loved.

That night, Jungkook refused to be comforted by you. He stopped struggling to get away, but it didn't mean he liked that you were holding him.

He also refused your offer to sing him a lullaby. He told you he was tired and that he didn't need unnecessary noise.

You went back to your own bed upon hearing that.

Jungkook, just like what he did last night, turned his back on you again.

A week passed since Jungkook dreamt about you being taken away from him.

Seven days and he was still giving you the cold shoulder.

"Where's Jungkook?" You asked Chaeyoung, another caregiver of your husband.

"Ah," she smiled at you. "He's with Taehyung and Jimin."

Oh.

He's accepting visitors now? You heard all about Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin, Jungkook's two best friends. Mrs. Jeon said her son was an introvert, he didn't really like interacting with many people.

Before Jungkook met Sooyoung, Mrs. Jeon claimed that all he ever did was stay in his room to play video games, the piano, and hangout with Taehyung and Jimin.

Mrs. Jeon also told you not to worry about Jungkook's friends. Apparently, they knew all about you. They promised to keep their mouth glued together since they believed the Jeons knew what was best for Jungkook.

They asked you to pretend to be Sooyoung for a good reason.

You weren't so sure about this anymore though. Were you helping Jungkook? Or were you just making things worse?

You're helping him. Jinjoo's voice echoed inside your head. Jungkook's sister told you that the only reason why Jungkook pushed through physical therapy was because he wanted to become a better person for you.

Jungkook spent the past weeks going to his therapist. He could walk straight now, legs no longer wobbling. He still needed assistance though. Jungkook sometimes lost his patience and he told you many times he hated his white cane.

The only time you didn't hear him complain about his cane was when you visited the amusement park together.

"He seems sad these days, you know? I'm happy his friends visited him." Chaeyoung said. She also told you Jungkook and his friends were currently in the studio room.

Jungkook had his own studio in this estate. The Jeons said Jungkook's dream was to become a pianist. He gave up on his dream when he met Sooyoung.

It's like Jungkook's whole world turned black and all the colors he saw were dancing inside Sooyoung's eyes.

That's how much he adored her.

"Yeah. Good for him." This was the last thing you said to Chaeyoung and then you walked away, leaving her alone to do her job.

Ten days.

It took you this long to surrender to the voice inside your head that's telling you to patch things up with Jungkook.

"Where's Jungkook?" Seemed to be the only question you knew how to ask the caregivers. This time it was Dahyun who had to answer you.

"In his studio..."

You sighed upon hearing this. Don't get it wrong. You're glad he's doing something not just productive but also something he loved. However, the ugly feeling in your stomach wouldn't stop attacking you thinking that he's avoiding you.

Jungkook barely left his studio. There were times he chose to sleep there too, leaving you all alone in your shared bedroom.

You didn't know when you started missing his presence. You just knew something inside of you felt hollow without him by your side.

"Is he with Taehyung and Jimin?" You asked another question.

"No, he's alone. The boys haven't been back since last week."

"Okay. Thanks, Dahyun." You didn't waste any more time. You went to the second floor of the mansion to visit Jungkook in his studio.

You knocked on the door thrice before you heard Jungkook's soft voice telling you it's okay to come in.

His soft voice was not the same with his facial expression though.

There he was, sitting in front of his black grand piano with his brow pinched together. His eyes were close as he massaged his throbbing temple.

"Kookie?"

Jungkook visibly tensed upon hearing you call his name.

Oh.

He certainly didn't expect you to come here. He thought Dahyun was the one who knocked to bring him snacks.

"You busy?" You asked carefully. Jungkook heard you playing with the doorknob again, a habit you did whenever you felt nervous or shy.

"No. My head hurts." He admitted with a grunt.

You furrowed your brows, worried he was overworking himself.

"Maybe rest first? You've been working hard since morning." You closed the door when you found the courage to really go inside of his studio. He said you could come in, right?

"Working hard?" He scoffed, like you said a terrible joke. "If sitting for hours in front of this piano is called working hard, then I guess congratulations to me! I have accomplished literally nothing."

Jungkook grabbed the sheet music, crumpling it angrily as he added "I can't even read this shit," and then he threw it on the ground.

He sure knew how to throw a fit. Jungkook turned into a kid when he's frustrated.

Jungkook felt you moving towards him. You crouched to pick up the crumpled paper, causing him to suck in a breath.

He worried you thought he's being a brat again. He sighed, opening up. "It's just so frustrating."

You hummed to let him know you're listening.

"I keep playing the same song because I can't read what's in that." He attempted to point at the sheet music in your hand, but since he couldn't see, he ended up pointing at your face.

You bit your lip, thinking that he was frustrated with you too.

Jungkook continued his rant, expressing that it was hard to rely on his muscle memory, especially when all he wanted was to learn to play new songs.

He also called himself names. You realized Jungkook's directing his anger towards himself now.

"Jungkook." You touched his shoulder, hoping it would stop him from uttering mean things about himself.

He did. He froze at your touch.

"You don't always have to try new things to be considered good at something, you know?" You rubbed his shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. You could see him holding his breath. It was apparent he couldn't relax in your presence.

"Repetition isn't always bad. It's okay to do something over and over again and still end up falling in love with it." You smiled. "If doing the same thing is bad, then why do some people still light a second stick of cigarette? Why do we still smile upon seeing the face of the person we love? Despite seeing them all the time? Why do people...make love every night?"

You didn't wait for his response.

"The thing is, doing the same thing doesn't necessarily equate to the same feeling. Every day, we experience something new."

You watched Jungkook gulp, like he was really pondering your words. He stayed quiet for a while before he let out a deep breath.

"You're right." He exhaled once more. "I mean...I've been practicing playing this certain song and I never get bored. I guess it evokes different feelings every time."

A smile finally bloomed on his face as he reminisced the moment he played that mentioned song.

"Can you play it for me?" You requested before you could stop yourself. A big part of you wanted to hear him play. The Jeons told you he's really great.

Jungkook hummed in agreement. He spread his legs, patting his thigh as he urged you to sit there. "Okay. C'mere..."

Your body was moving before you could even think about it. Jungkook dug his fingers into your hip, gently pulling you to sit on his lap.

You stifle a gasp when you felt something twitch in his sweatpants.

Jungkook didn't seem fazed by it so you ignored it too. Besides, you didn't have time to think about it since you felt like your mind had been pulled into another dimension when Jungkook started playing In All Honesty, I Do using the piano.

Your eyes lingered on Jungkook's hands, his long fingers hitting the keys with precision. It was like he was born to do something as amazing as this.

You leaned against Jungkook's chest when you felt him loosened up. He was finally at ease even though you were close to him—too close to the point that you felt his hot breath on your shoulders. He was breathing loudly.

You closed your eyes, feeling the music deep in your bones. You were too lost in the feeling that you didn't even flinch when you felt Jungkook's lips pressing feathery kisses on the side of your neck.

His wet lips moved south, kissing and nibbling at your shoulders.

Your neck craned, parting your lips in pleasure. It felt so good.

At some point, you started grinding on his lap, loving the way his cock hit your center.

"Jagiya," your core heated at the sound of his low grunts.

Lost. You were still so lost at the feeling of his lips against your skin and the music filling your ears.

You threw your head back, little moans and cries escaping your lips as you rubbed yourself against his bulge, seeking more friction.

Jesus fucking Christ. He felt so big and good.

Jungkook's groans were loud and the music—oh, God the music. He was hitting random keys with a controlled amount of weight and power. Forte. Crescendo.

Jungkook could feel it. He was close. Accelerando.

"Sooyoung...fuck." Accelerando.

He stopped hitting the keys, hands finding its way cup your tits.

His stomach clenched, breath so ragged against your nape it made goosebumps appear on your skin.

Jungkook let go.

You felt the wetness on his sweatpants staining the back of your thighs, it was followed by a loud thud—his forehead hitting your shoulder blade.

You peeled your eyes open at the realization of what just happened, your blood running cold as you bit your trembling lips.

You recoiled.

In horror.

In Shame.

In Disgust.

"Sooyoung?" Jungkook called, confused when you abruptly got into your feet.

"I— I need to go." You excused yourself, not waiting for him to answer. You didn't even look at him.

How could you?

You were humiliated. You took advantage of Jungkook and his disability.

You weren't just a fraudster. You're a disgusting slut.

Jungkook came.

He really fucking came under five minutes.

Should he be ashamed?

Yes. Definitely. He took care of his needs before his wife, but...how could he stop himself?

You felt so good. So fucking hot. You were right. Doing the same thing evoked a different feeling every time.

You didn't kiss him, didn't touch his dick. You grind on his lap but that's the end of it. What the fuck happened? How could you make him come in his pants just by doing that?

It took him fucking Sooyoung's mouth before he become hard. What changed? Was it time? The accident? The music?

Why couldn't he get enough of you?

"Fuck." Jungkook groaned as his forehead hit the keys of the piano, producing an ugly sound.

You stormed out of the room, leaving him all hot and bothered. His stomach dropped, face twisting in pain and humiliation with the realization that you left.

Jungkook couldn't follow you.

Your chest felt heavy. It was like a machete was stuck in your heart, every time you moved, it dug deeper—so deep it made you weak.

You took advantage of Jungkook.

He was vulnerable and you used it for your sick pleasure. You swore you didn't know what you were doing though.

It was like you were coax to grind on him, to allow him to suck and bite at your neck and shoulders.

You touched the side of your neck that was still tingling because of Jungkook’s sloppy kisses.

You shivered at the feeling—of Jungkook kissing you and Mr. Jeon calling your name.

"Are you okay?" Mr. Jeon, Jungkook's father, asked. His brows were knitted as he stared at you with worry sparkling in his eyes.

You were currently at Mr. Jeon's office room. He asked one of their helpers to tell you he wanted to see you.

"Huh?" You blinked, distracted by the events that unfolded in Jungkook's studio room hours ago.You couldn't seem to focus on other things. Chaeyoung actually told you to rest when a plate slipped out of your hands, shattering.

"You are not okay," Mr. Jeon answered his query. He wasn't the type of person who would touch someone without their permission. Normally, he didn't even bother shaking the hands of his clients. He had to grab your wrist though. It looked like you needed support even though you were sitting on a chair; your face screamed agony, eyes hazy from unshed tears.

You were biting your quivering lips.

This was exactly the reason why he wanted to see you. Mr. Jeon was very observant. You didn't look thrilled that you were pretending to be Sooyoung, but ever since you got here, this was the only time he saw you looking so....dejected.

Was it because Jungkook?

"Did he..." He abruptly let go of your wrist, it was as though you were burning his skin. "Did my son..."

Mr. Jeon kept on trailing off. He spoke slowly too, barely getting words out of his mouth.

You had seen Mr. Jeon many times since you got here; however, you hadn't had the chance to talk to him. He was distant and cold. He had the same expression as Jungkook's when he didn't like something. Their only difference was that Jungkook threw tantrums like a kid. His father, on the other hand, expressed his distaste through logic.

He was the only person in Jungkook's life who was so against the idea of you pretending to be his son's late wife.

"Did he hurt you?" You weren't sure if you were tripping or if his teeth were chattering.

You instantly defended Jungkook. "No." He did not hurt me. I hurt him. I took advantage of him. You wanted to say, yet you pressed your lips together.

Your answer caused relief to wash over him.

Mr. Jeon didn't raise his kid to hurt people, especially women. He had a wife and two daughters. He wouldn't appreciate it if people hurt the women in his life. He knew he needed to teach his son manners to avoid karma.

"You're sure?"

"Yes." You don't understand. I'm the one who hurt your son.

"If it's not Jungkook..." He trailed off again, clasping his hands, Mr. Jeon debated whether he should ask personal questions or dismiss you.

"Then who's making you sad?" He chose the former option. "What's making you sad?"

You couldn't answer so you just balled your hand into a fist. Mr. Jeon sighed.

"It's none of my business, I know..." He stared into your eyes. You did too, noticing that he looked like his son.

You briefly wondered if Jungkook's eyes used to be this bright as well.

"I just hope you're not having a hard time because of my son. You and my family know very well that I am not pleased with this plan." He said this many times already.

"But I can't let him hurt any more people. He's caused enough damage."

You nodded, watching as the corner of his mouth quirk up.

"He didn't hurt me, Mr. Jeon. I promise you that." You repeated and it made him plaster a fake smile.

"I believe you now. Such a relief to know. I'm not sure if I can still cover up for him if he ends up messing things up with you."

Mr. Jeon saw it: your curious eyes, like you wanted to ask what he did to protect his son.

He faked a smile again, uttering your name and saying, "sometimes we do horrible things for the sake of our loved ones..."

Mr. Jeon paid people to clean Jungkook's mess. He used money to make sure the authorities, the media, and even those who knew Sooyoung wouldn't say something about her death.

You heard from Jinjoo that Sooyoung, just like you, was alone in life. She was an only child and her mother was a call-girl who got pregnant by one of her clients. The father didn't want to do anything with them.

Tough life.

"I need you to promise to tell me if Jungkook ever does something you don't like. I will deal with him." He swallowed thickly. "Accordingly."

The only thing you could do was nod. Not because you agreed—you didn't. You were a hypocrite. To do horrible things for the sake of our loved ones.What a bull. We shouldn't.

You used to be so against this idea. You even told Jungkook to change for the better and don't just settle with 'that's how I do it' or 'that's just who I am.'

Things changed, because right now you found yourself tight-lipped, just wanting this conversation to be over.

Bull.

You were not better than Jungkook or his father because just like them, you did horrible things too.

Whatever this game you and Jungkook were playing, well...it wasn't fun anymore.

When you did something he didn't like, he would not talk to you.

If he had done something to upset you, you wouldn't talk to him too.

You two always gave each other a hard time, always dodging the bullet and as a revenge, you threw grenades.

You kept avoiding Jungkook and he was tired of it, so days after the incident in the studio room, he decided to defuse the bomb before it exploded right in his face.

"Sooyoung-ah..." Jungkook called you early in the morning. You just woke up but you're already hurrying to get out of bed.

Jungkook hated it. He had been waiting for you to wake up so he could talk to you. Why were you making it so difficult?

"I need to prepare your breakfast." You wriggled out of his grasp when he grabbed your wrist.

Sigh.

"I'm not hungry. We need to talk."

You shook your head.

"I don't have anything to say to you." Wriggle. Wriggle.

"I need to talk to you." He corrected himself.

You managed to pull your hand away.

"Later." You rushed towards the door, unfortunately Jungkook was stubborn enough to follow you.

He stumbled without his cane, body bumping into the pole of his four-poster bed.

Your head snapped to his direction the second you heard him yelp in pain.

"Jungkook!" You attended to him at once.

He groaned, rubbing his forehead that turned red. You saw a small bump forming on it.

"Shit. Sit down, I'll get an ice pack." You helped him sit on the bed as you examined his forehead. It didn't look that bad but your stomach still stirred. Jungkook's expression told you he was in a lot of pain.

You were about to leave the room; however, Jungkook gripped the hem of your shirt tightly.

"Don't go, jagiya..." He pleaded. The lump in his throat made his tone shaky. He looked like a kicked puppy.

"Jungkook," you called his name as you pushed his hair back. A sigh left your lips. "You're hurt, baby. I need to take care—"

Your voice drowned to nothingness when he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your stomach.

"It doesn't hurt much. Please...just stay with me." You flinched because you're ticklish. You could feel Jungkook's hot breath on your stomach. The fabric of your shirt was thin.

You weren't sure what compelled you to stay still, allowing Jungkook to embrace and inhale your lovely scent.

You smelled different. Good different, a little less intense than the real Sooyoung. She smelled passion, you smelled comfort.

You waited until Jungkook let you go. It took him long though. He pulled you to sit next to him right after breaking off the embrace.

You two stayed quiet. Jungkook chose to play with your fingers. His head was hanging low, like he was embarrassed or something like that.

"Jungkook....you think I don't see you wincing?" You tilted your head, Jungkook avoided your stare. "I know you're in pain. Please, let me get an ice pack...you can play with my fingers later."

Jungkook's head snapped up. He pouted his lips.

"You're treating me like a child."

"Because you're acting like one." You bopped his nose, chuckling lightly at the small bump on his forehead.

"I'm acting like a child?" He scoffed, shoving your hand away so he could fold his arms over his chest. "Says the one who's been ignoring me for—"

He suddenly stopped speaking. Jungkook sucked in a breath and then shook his head.

He was still pouting his lips.

"You know what? It doesn't matter. That's...that's not what I want to say," he rubbed his nape, his cheeks were red.

"What I wanna do is...apologize..." The color staining his cheeks turned brighter. Your heart swelled with adoration. Why was he so charming?

"I...I shouldn't have..." He was having a hard time formulating his statement. Jungkook gulped. This was the first time he was glad he couldn't see your reaction.

"Come like that. I—I...it's wrong to say I'm caught in the moment because I should be thinking about your comfort above anything else. I guess I'm just...excited? It's been a while and I...."

He kept swallowing hard.

"I just missed you so much, jagiya. B-But I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.... If I touched or did something you don't like, please tell me." Because how was he supposed to know when you didn't speak? He couldn't see your expression.

You didn't tell him to stop.

"If it makes you feel any better...then I'll...I'll never touch you again," it pained him to say this. Jungkook wanted to stay by your side, to feel you, to touch you. The thought of not being able to do this hurt like hell.

Without knowing it, his tears fell.

"Kookie..." You murmured, pushing his hair to the side again. It hurt. It hurt seeing him like this.

"I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss you every day." His voice was barely audible. You saw his hands trembling too, like he wanted to cup your face but was scared to scare you away again.

He was so afraid to mess up. He didn't realize it was this hard to be ignored. Jungkook avoided you because your presence was becoming too much. He was afraid he's gonna lose it if you decided to leave. That's what you said you'd do before the accident, right? You wanted to leave him.

He wanted to change your mind about it. He felt like the only way to do that was to give you space. He failed though. What happened in the studio was a clear sign that he failed. You left. You seemed disgusted with him and it hurt. It hurt so bad.

"I'm here, Jungkook." You reminded him. His hands were still aching to touch you.

You leaned closer to him, implying that it's okay. You wouldn't act as baffled like the last time.

You wanted this—it's part of your job, right? You had to make him feel good, to assure him it’s fine.

"Yeah..." He swallowed and it hurt. The lump hurt him. Everything hurt. His head too. He was pretending to be okay, but it hurt. It felt hot and it was throbbing, "but it's not enough. I crave you, jagiya..."

He could feel your heavy breathing fanning his face. Jungkook sucked in a deep breath.

His heartbeat doubled. His logic was dissipating. The only thing he wanted to do was to breathe you in.

You were so close.

Your nose touched his. Jungkook tilted his head, breath hitting your cheek.

He pursed his lips together. What to do? You smelled so good. He couldn't see but he could feel, like you were waiting for him to do the move.

"I crave you more than I did before..." He did. He cupped your cheeks using his quivering hands.

Your skin was hot. It felt good—to touch you like this.

"Kookie..." You called. So soft, as though you were begging him to do something.

"It's okay..." You added, tugging at his heartstrings.

Jungkook closed his eyes, lowering his head and kissing you on the mouth.

Gently.

Passionately.

And then hard.

Hungry. Lustful.

He giggled though. Jeon Jungkook giggled in between kisses, like a kid, like he won something.

He did.

He won. That moment, he felt like you truly wanted him. Too.

The thing you felt for Jungkook overrode the guilt that had been nudging you the past days. It's annoying and you blamed the little voice inside your head because of this.

Where was the voice when you needed it to mess up with you? Where was it when you needed it to say you fucked up? That you're playing with a very dangerous fire when you allowed Jungkook to kiss you?

When you wanted him to kiss you?

You wondered what the voice would say if it was poking your brain right now. But since it wasn't here, your mind wandered, thinking about your parents.

What would they say if they found out their daughter was not only a fraudster but also a bitch? Would they laugh at you? Snarl at you? Hate you?

Well...if they ended up hating you, then you could say you're all even. You hated your parents before. You hated that they abandoned you, like you were nothing.

They simply left you in a basket right in front of an orphanage. You didn't even have a name. You were a newborn. A fucking newborn. Someone in the orphanage gave you a name, your last name, on the contrary, was randomly chosen by the government.

Pathetic.

You felt helpless and this was when you realized you didn't want anybody to feel this way. You chose to be a caregiver for this same reason. No one guided you, no one took care of you.

You didn't want those who were helpless to feel like they're walking alone, that no one cared for them. It was the worst feeling. Ever.

Tears trickled down your face upon remembering your childhood. It was tough.

But you know what's more difficult?

"Hi," Jungkook.

Your husband was back. He climbed onto the bed, settling beside you.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

No. This was the right answer. This was what you should say.

"Okay," but both your heart and mind betrayed you.

You waited for it.

You waited for the voice to come back and sneer at you, unfortunately you were greeted by stillness—well...not really. Jungkook's soft plea was ringing inside your head.

Damn it. This was why you couldn't say no. His voice had magic. He knew how to use it to coax you to do what he wanted. It's so annoying.

You already spent the whole day acting like his wife. You did all things together. You even helped him wash his hair again.

Wasn't it enough? Why were you so greedy? Why did you like monopolizing Jungkook's time and attention?

"Jagiya?" Your train thoughts came into a halt when he called your name.

You hummed to let him know you were listening. You didn't dare speak though, too afraid to let him hear the tremor in your voice.

"Are you....sad?" He asked slowly.

When he didn't get any response from you, he sighed.

"I'm sorry." He apologized thinking that he upset you again. Jungkook pressed his lips together before proceeding. "I just...you sound sad..."

Jungkook couldn't see you but he could read you.

"I'm just tired, Kookie. We had a busy day, remember?"

"Oh," Jungkook was fiddling with the blanket. He suddenly stopped.

And then he cleared his throat.

"You..." He swallowed hard. The crimson color was staining his cheeks once again. "Do you...perhaps want me to make you feel better?"

Jungkook's voice was soft and shy, you weren't sure if you understood what he meant. Help you feel better by what?

Was he thinking what you're thinking?

"Aren't you tired?"

"N-No." He answered so fast that he choked. It was like he's gonna be in pain if he didn't respond immediately. "I wanna help you."

He inched closer to you.

"Just wanna help my wife feel better," the way he whispered this elicited an involuntary moan from you.

Jungkook smirked. This was exactly what he wanted to hear. He took this as a hint to snake his arms around your waist, pulling close.

"Please, jagiya...let me take care of you," he desperately murmured, his lips grazing your ear.

"Jungkook," you inhaled deeply, whimpering and gripping the bedsheet as he gently bit your ear.

"Yes, baby?" He said, voice low and hoarse, his hand groping your ass. "You like this?"

Jungkook's hand slid down to cup your heat from the back. He then hovered over you to silence your gasps using his mouth. He kissed you lightly at first, his tongue gently sucking on your lower lip. The soft pop was making you crazy.

"Jungkook," you mewled impatiently as you kissed him hard. You felt him smirk, clearly enjoying your eagerness as his hands travelled all over your body. He was taking his sweet time feeling your every inch of skin, like he was memorizing it.

Desire settled in the pit of your stomach when his long fingers slowly fiddled with the waistband of your satin shorts.

"Jungkook," you broke the kiss just to growl at him. What was taking him so fucking long? You thought he wanted to make you feel better?

"Ssshh..." He shut you up by kissing you once more. One moment he's peppering kisses all over your face and neck, the next he was yanking off your shorts.

He trailed his long fingers on your underwear. He wetted his lip salaciously upon realizing you're wearing a lace panties.

Fuck. Fuck. He'd give up anything just to see you right now. He imagined the look on your face as he removed your soaked underwear, spreading your legs right after.

Jungkook grabbed your right foot, kissing your sole, your calves—all the way to your inner thigh.

"Oh," your pussy clenched, desperate for something, anything.

"Am I doing good, noona?" Jungkook asked innocently, his upper lip twitching as he dipped his head on your thigh, kissing it more.

You hummed, wriggling until his face hit your center. Jungkook growled as he pulled your other feet, settling it over his shoulder. His hands dug into your hips to keep you in your place. You're squirming too much.

"Patience, baby..." He chuckled, struggling to steady you. He realized you wouldn't stop until you got what you wanted, so Jungkook dove in, moaning loud when his lips brushed against your cunt.

"Jung—Kook...I need you to oh!" You gripped the sheets again when without a warning, Jungkook ran his tongue through your parted folds.

"Sweet." Jungkook's lips twitched when your arousal coated his tongue.

"Shit...so good," tears brimmed in your eyes as Jungkook sucked on your clit.

"Relax, jagiya. I'm not going to hurt you." He cooed and pushed his tongue in and out of your pussy.

Your head tingled with foreign sensation. You gasped and screamed just as Jungkook added a finger in your hole. He pumped and curled it with the same rhythm of his tongue.

"Jungkook..." You cried, body convulsing. Your husband hummed. "F-Fingers. I need more."

You were so riled up. You took off your top so you could play with your breasts.

"Anything you want..." He followed your request. Jungkook didn't stop pumping and licking and sucking until you saw stars.

He was so obedient, tending to your needs like a good boy. Your heart swelled with both pain, lust, and envy.

Was he like this to his original wife? Did he follow whatever she wanted? Did she get to stare at his eyes as he swirled his tongue on her clit?

Fuck. The thought was enough to make your head spin.

You wanted that too. You wanted Jungkook to look at you with desire. You wanted him to be a good boy. All for you.

"Jungkook." You cried as you rocked your hips. Your stomach clenched, body flushed and full of sweat. "Don't stop please. I'm so close."

"Do it." He purred, slapping your clit before rubbing circles on it. His tongue continued to make wonders in your hole. "Shit. Yes, baby. That's right. Do it. Cum on my fingers." Jungkook kept patting your convulsing pussy, every tap caused you to squirt.

"Jungkook. I—I can't." You pushed his hand weakly.

"You can take more, jagiya." Jungkook rolled onto his back, hastily taking off his sweatpants and then he tugged you on top of him. You yelped with how quick he moved.

"You will ride my thigh, baby..." He leaned forward, cupping your face and murmuring this. You just came but you already felt heat building in your stomach.

He said those words as if he could read your mind.

"Go on." He demanded, digging his fingers into your waist and urging you to grind on his thigh.

You whimpered and gave it. Shit. Jungkook was so hot. He dipped his head to your chest, taking your nipple on his mouth while his hand palmed your other breast.

"Jungkook, oh my, God!" You couldn't stop whimpering as you rubbed your cunt against his muscular thigh. You cast your gaze on his hard cock, it was pressed on his stomach.

The tip of his dick was red, slit leaking with precum. It twitched, like it was begging to be touched...to be sucked.

Your mouth watered at the sight of it, unable to stop yourself from taking his cock in both of your hands, giving it few pumps.

Jungkook hissed at your touch. He sucked on your nipple harder.

"Fuck. Yes..." He licked your neck—"Use my thigh to make you cum, jagiya,"—and sucked bruises there.

You whimpered as you pulled his mouth back to yours for a rough kiss. You pumped his cock up and down, eliciting a deep growl from him.

"Mmph...I missed having you like this..." He confessed. Sooyoung always said she liked riding his thigh. Jungkook too. The feeling of her wet cunt on his skin was pure ecstasy.

"You're dripping all over me." Jungkook grunted while kissing your neck, his fingers found its way to your clit, encouraging you to come as he chased his high too.

You did nothing but to rub yourself against his thigh as you pumped his dick and massaged his balls. You wanted to take him in your mouth, but Jungkook was already coming, his abs clenched and you felt him spill his hot cum in your hands.

"Shit...Shit..." He rubbed your circles on your clit with so much ferocity, afraid to leave you chasing pleasure on your own.

It did the trick. You came on his thigh while you're busy sucking your fingers. You wondered what Jungkook's eyes would look if he saw you doing this.

Would his gaze darkened? Would he look at you with doe eyes and blushing cheeks?

"You feel better?" Your thoughts were halted when Jungkook spoke. He kissed you, smirking when he tasted him on your mouth. He slapped your ass.

"Jungkook!" You scolded him but he only laughed.

"What? You know you like it." He teased and kissed your mouth again.

You responded; however you slightly pushed his chest away before he could deepen the kiss.

Heat was traveling all over your body. Again.

"Kookie...we can't. I've come twice. I'll pass out if we go again."

Jungkook pouted but he relented. You got off his lap, wincing when you felt something leaking in your thighs.

"Ugh, I need to shower. " You snorted. "You too. We're filthy." And sticky with cum.

"Let's shower together?"

"No." You answered at once. You just wanted to tease him.

"Then I lost interest." Like a child, Jungkook collapsed on bed and kicked his feet.

"Get up you filthy boy!" You chuckled as you tried to pull his hands. Jungkook groaned, mirroring your action.

He was stronger than you so he managed to pull you to bed.

"Jungkook! Let me go!" You pried your arm out of his grasp but Jungkook only tightened his embrace to you. He even caged your legs with his thighs.

"Let's stay here for a while, jagiya. Let me cuddle you..."

And there it goes again—Jungkook's ability to coax you in doing what he desired. It sucked that you couldn't resist him.

You allowed him to hug you and to caress the top of your head lovingly. He also planted soft kisses on your ear and jawline.

Jungkook started humming, causing your eyes to flutter closed.

You were sleepy.

He was too. You heard him yawn. After that, he murmured something that was loud and clear in your head, a scream that shattered your fragile heart and its sharp pieces pierced through your whole body.

"I love you, Sooyoung..."

You didn't fall asleep.

You weren't able to fall asleep, but Jungkook did. Once you're sure he was cozy enough, you gently lifted his arm that was draped over your stomach.

You needed to get away from here.

You ran to the bathroom, locking it at once in case Jungkook woke up. You also opened the faucet to conceal your already silent whimpers.

Disgust.

The harrowing feeling in the pit of your stomach was back. The voice was still nowhere to be found which if you're being honest, was a big relief.

How were you supposed to get up and continue to live if the voice was here to remind you that you fucked up? Big time? That you weren't different from Jungkook's wife?

The Jeons said they hated Sooyoung because she was a gold-digging bitch. Were you different though? You agreed to do this for money too, and now you're using Jungkook for your sick pleasure too.

They're right.

You're nothing like Sooyoung.

Because you're so much worse.

You stared hard at your reflection in the mirror.

Tears cascaded down your cheeks.

You didn't notice the person staring right back at you.

You didn't know if she's still you.

You had to pull yourself together before you lost yourself here.

"This won't happen again." You told her. You told this to the person staring right back at you, hoping you could control her. After all, she's still you, right?

The woman in the mirror wasn't you.

She was uncontrollable. She didn't listen.

It happened again.

"Jungkook," your voice was unrecognizable. Were you scolding him or were you encouraging him to continue?

You and Jungkook were currently swimming in the pool here at the Jeon estate. It was just the two of you here, no helpers in sight. Maybe this was the reason why Jungkook was riled up.

He untied the strings of your bikini top, kneading your breast while smiling playfully. He shushed you when you tried to swat his hands away.

"You'll like this, jagiya." He wrapped his hand around your waist, pulling you closer on the side of the pool, the one near the return jet.

You gasped when he turned you around, your cunt feeling the high pressure of the water coming from the return jet.

"I'll help you cum so hard." He whispered as he showered kisses all over you exposed back, his hands reaching around to squeeze your tits. You liked how he rolled your nipples between his fingers.

Jungkook bit your shoulder when you started rubbing your ass against his hard cock.

You wanted to make him feel good too. You realized he always made sure to satiate you first. It had always been like this.

One time you two were in the kitchen to bake some cupcakes. Jungkook ate you out while you were leaning against the kitchen counter. He wasn't even bothered that his cock was left untouched. He came in his pants again though.

You also learned he was good at giving massages. You were sore from doing all of his laundry three days ago. Jungkook was very sensitive to smell. He didn't like the way their maids washed his clothes so he begged you to help him do the laundry. Jungkook told you specific steps on how to wash his clothes.

It took you hours to finish the laundry because he had a lot of dirty clothes. Jungkook was high-maintenance. He changed his clothes from time to time. Sweat bothered him so much, but going back, since you were exhausted, he offered to help your sore muscles through erotic massage and cunnilings.

You ended falling asleep after coming twice. Again, Jungkook's cock was left untouched.

There's also this one time when you were enjoying a peaceful dinner with the Jeons. Jungkook was sitting beside you and you could tell he was bored. He didn't want to hear his sisters talking about business anymore.

You discreetly pinched the side of his stomach when he started sighing loudly, hinting that he wanted to leave the table already.

"Behave." You remembered telling him. Jungkook only pouted his lips. A smile bloomed on your face when he followed your order. He even tried to engage in the conversation, but after a few minutes, he felt boredom tapping his shoulders.

Jungkook decided to play around, his hand finding its way to your thigh. You stifled a gasp, subtly asking him what he thought he was doing.

Jungkook shrugged as he ate his glazed donut. His other hand was busy digging on the soft flesh of your thighs, fingers trailing your heat.

"So wet," he whispered as he pushed your underwear to the side.

Jungkook ended up finger fucking you under the table that night. You couldn't do anything aside from faking a smile and wishing they hadn't noticed when with a few pumps, you came hard on Jungkook's fingers.

"Delicious." He shamelessly licked his cum coated finger in front of his family, pretending as if your arousal was the sugar icing of his glazed donut.

Ugh.

Damn Jeon Jungkook.

If there's one thing better than Jungkook making you cum, you could say it's when you two lay in bed at night.

Gone were the days you slept on separate beds. You had done freakier things with Jungkook to still be uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping by his side.

Fortunately, Jungkook didn't try to seduce you at night. He was already content holding you in his arms. He liked it when you rested your head against his chest while he repeatedly kissed your head.

"Alright, jagiya. What do you wanna learn about me tonight?" Jungkook suppressed his yawn.

He got tired swimming all day that all he wanted to do now was sleep. He didn't want to break his promise to you though. Weeks ago, you two made a deal to talk about random things about yourselves.

You wanted to get to know Jungkook. He felt the same way too. It was because you found out that Sooyoung never really shared her personal life with her husband. She also didn't try to learn more about Jungkook's personality. All she wanted from him was money.

"Hmm," you traced lazy circles on his chest. Jungkook was so warm. "Did you always want to be a pianist?"

"No."

His response surprised you.

"I like music, that's for sure, but I only tried playing that organ when Jinjoo-noona told me she likes boys who play the piano. You see, I really like my sisters. They treat me so well, you know? Jang-mi-noona too. She always gave me sweet snacks when I was younger."

Your heart swelled with adoration upon learning this story. You imagined Jungkook doing his best just to make his siblings proud.

"My tutors said I have a good future in the music industry. They call me a prodigy..." He trailed off, embarrassed to repeat the compliments made by his teachers. "I guess it got in my head a little so I said...why not try it? I can't think about anything I want to do yet so I figured it's best to follow what the grown ups say. They're supposed to know everything, right?"

Of course almost everyone believed that. What they didn't know was that adults were just like children too. They experienced new things every day. They were suddenly thrown into the real word even without their consent.

Adults had it worse than children actually. At least kids had adults to look after them, to do things for them when they found it too hard. But the adults? They didn't have anyone. They were expected to succeed all the time, a wrong move could cost them their lives.

"But I got tired of it. I realize I only like playing piano in my free time. I didn't want it to be my career. I didn't want it to define me." He sighed. "I didn't want it to become a chore."

Because playing piano was Jungkook's outlet, his escape from reality. Every time he hit the key, he felt like he was in another world. But if he chose to perform because people wanted it, then he would be forced to live in their world. He would be pressured to live in reality. His escape wouldn't be an escape anymore. He would be burdened now that people had expectations he needed to live up to.

Jungkook didn't want that.

That's the reason why he quit. His mother was wrong. He gave up because he wanted to and not because of Sooyoung.

"It's only a chore if you think it that way. You're responsible for your thoughts, Kookie. An unpleasant thing for others may be pleasant to you. It's just a matter of perspective. I hope you don't hinder yourself from doing something you love simply because you have doubts."

Jungkook's lips twitched.

"I really don't understand why you suddenly become so wise," he laughed as he kissed you on the cheeks. "What about you, Sooyoung-ah? What's your dream?"

"I want to open my own bar."

Jungkook visibly tensed at that. He didn't say anything at first though. He just moved closer to you, almost squeezing you in his chest, like he was afraid you'd get away.

And then he nuzzled your cheeks affectionately.

"Why? You miss performing, jagiya?" He must be talking about Sooyoung's job. Did he think you wanted to open a bar so 'you' could continue strip dancing and pleasuring different men at the end of the night?

"No, Kookie. All I want is to perform in front you." You tilted your head so that you could welcome his mouth.

Jungkook moaned between the kisses. He grabbed both of your cheeks to deepen the intimate act. He craved you. He would always crave you.

"So be a good boy and get better, okay? You have to see again. You still need to watch me perform for you..."

Time passed by. You weren't sure how long you had been pretending to be Jungkook's wife. All you knew was that you were starting to forget this was all an act.

You didn't hesitate to look back whenever someone called you by the name Sooyoung. You also didn't stop Jungkook whenever he touched your body as if it belonged to him.

"We have good news for you!" Mrs. Jeon's eyes twinkled one afternoon.

You were having lunch with the Jeons which was nothing new, except that Jungkook's father was here too.

Jang-mi and Jinjoo seemed excited as well. They looked like they were bubbles threatening to burst.

"What's the good news, eomma?" Jungkook asked nonchalantly as he stuffed his mouth with food.

You immediately wiped the remnant of kimchi sauce on the side of his lips. Jungkook kissed you in return.

He was comfortable showering you with affection in front of his family. He wasn't like this months ago though. Jungkook didn't even want the two of you to eat with his family before, but now he realized that the Jeons were fond of you. He felt like they loved you more than they loved him.

He couldn't blame his family though. You were easy to love—easier than the first time he met you at the club. Jungkook wasn't sure what triggered the change but he most certainly loved post-accident Sooyoung more.

"Your eye surgery has been confirmed, Jungkookie. You can have your vision back soon!"

You weren't sure how many times you hoped to hear these words before. If you remembered it correctly, you wished almost a hundred times a day for this very moment to happen. You imagined dancing around like you won the lottery because technically, you did.

You could finally have your blank check and leave Jeon Jungkook; however, now that it's happening, you felt like you had been robbed—it was as though the money you won from the lottery suddenly vanished, leaving you with unlimited liabilities.

You felt like you had to abscond in order to save yourself from your sins.

It's funny because that's exactly what you were supposed to do soon. You had to leave Jungkook and never come back.

You caused him so much pain and he'd know this soon.

You were damned.

As it turned out, you weren't the only one who was thrilled to know that Jungkook's surgery was happening soon.

Apparently, Jungkook didn't want to go to surgery too.

"Your hair is getting longer, Kookie." You said while brushing his hair with your fingers. It's the middle of the night. As usual, you two were cuddling on the same bed. The only difference from the other nights was that this time, you were the one stroking his hair and kissing him on the head.

You weren't sure why Jungkook was lonely. He barely talked the whole day. Maybe it had something to with the surgery? His mood changed right after hearing his mother's 'good news.'

"Braid my hair?" Jungkook asked softly.

You gave him a wild look.

"It's two in the morning, Jungkook."

"So?" His pouted lips indicated that he didn't care about time. All he wanted was for you to play with his hair. It was very soothing.

"Fine." You told him to sit on the accent chair. You grabbed your hairbrush and went behind the chair. Jungkook wrapped his hands around your wrist though.

"Sit on my lap, jagiya."

You groaned at his request.

"I thought you wanted me to braid your hair?"

"I do. But I want you to do it while sitting on my lap..." He patted his thigh.

You sighed, relenting.

"Don't expect this to look good. I can't properly braid your hair in this position."

Jungkook just hummed. His eyes fluttered shut when you started brushing his soft locks.

"Damn it. It's hard!" You complained when you found it hard to braid his hair in this posture. You changed position by straddling his lap. "Don't you get hard, Jeon."

You said when you felt his dick hitting your center.

He responded by burying his face in your neck. You were kidding. This was the first time he didn't react to your jokes.

He must be really sad.

You decided to just braid his hair. You weren't going to force him to share what he felt because who knew? Maybe he himself wasn't sure what he felt.

But you were wrong. Jungkook was certain about his feelings.

"I don't want to undergo surgery."

You dropped your hairbrush. You bit your lip too, your hands balled into a fist.

What did he just say?

"Don't be stubborn, Jungkook." You gritted your teeth.

Who would have thought you'd have this reaction? You couldn't lie. You were disappointed too when Mrs. Jeon said Jungkook could have his vision back soon. However it's only because you didn't want to leave yet.

Now that you're hearing Jungkook say that he didn't want to get better, you realized you two didn't really share the same feeling.

You wanted him to get better, even if it meant you had to leave and hurt him. This was for his own good. You were temporary in his life.

You weren't the girl who made a vow to stay with him always and forever.

You were a fraudster—taking this in mind, you realized you had to convince Jungkook to push through the eye surgery.

You got off his lap. Jungkook grabbed your wrist before you could take another step away from him.

"But what if you leave me?" You saw different emotions coming from Jungkook: anger, frustration, desolation, and loneliness.

But never fear.

It wasn't like Jungkook wasn't scared. He was. He was frightened almost all the time, but the fear he was showing now was different.

It's the kind of fear that would break him beyond repair. Jungkook didn't know if he could survive life without you by his side.

"Don't be silly. W-Why would I leave?" Your heart was hammering through your chest.

Did Jungkook know? Did he know you were pretending to be his wife?

The answer was no. He was oblivious about your plan, regrettably what he believed the reason why you'd leave was more shocking than him knowing the truth.

"Because you will no longer pity me!" The frustration he felt was back. Tears immediately filled Jungkook's eyes. He was gripping your hand with the same force he used the first time he woke up after being in a coma for weeks.

Jungkook's chest heaved. He was shivering all over, even his teeth chattered.

You realized he was hyperventilating. He was so scared. The fight that happened inside his car which led to the accident was coming back to him.

He could taste the anxiety in his mouth when Sooyoung claimed she'd divorce him. Jungkook remembered how his wife unfastened her seat belt, like she was willing to jump out of the door just to get away from him—all of these frightened the hell out of him.

You didn't know what else to do but to hug him.

"Jungkook...stop..." Your embrace tightened. You were basically squishing him in your chest. You would do anything to make him believe you're not going anywhere. This situation was frustrating him. He was probably stumbling in the dark thinking that his wife wasn't going to guide him through the light.

"I'm not going to leave you, my Jungkookie. I'm always here." You cupped both of his cheeks before nuzzling them.

And then you said your last straw.

"I love you, Jungkook...."

He stopped trembling right away.

I love you.

You didn't think it would be so easy to utter these three words. Was it because you were good at lying? Or was it because you were being honest when you expressed your feelings?

You didn't want to think about it anymore. You were done questioning yourself. All you wanted to do now was appreciate Jungkook's response.

"I love you too."

I love you too. He said this while emphasizing the word you. This was the first time he said these three words without attaching Sooyoung's name.

For a moment, you felt like Jungkook was confessing to you and not to his late wife.

It felt so good you were certain you're gonna treasure this moment forever.

You thought you'd have to shed blood, sweat, and tears just to convince Jungkook to undergo surgery, fortunately telling him that you loved him already did the trick.

You wondered how many times Sooyoung had said those words to him. Jungkook looked taken aback when you confessed. Maybe his real wife wasn't that expressive?

"Don't put anything near your eyes, Kookie." You reminded him while helping him brush his hair.

Jungkook just finished taking a bath. You were helping him groom himself. This was a special day, as in the day when he'd finally push through the surgery.

"Not even eye cream? I didn't get to sleep last night. What if I look like shit?" He pouted while you chuckled.

"You're perfect, pretty boy," and then you gave him a peck on the lips. Jungkook tried to deepen the kiss, making you giggle.

"Stop. We'll be late." You playfully shoved his chest. Jungkook grumbled but didn't say anything.

The Jeons were already waiting for you and Jungkook when you stepped out of the bedroom.

"Ready?" Mrs. Jeon smiled, though it's forced. You could tell she's nervous.

"Yes, eomeoni." You grinned back hoping it would somehow calm her down. You wanted to assure her you wouldn't leave until Jungkook's in the hospital.

There's no need for you to stay and wait for the surgery to finish. The doctors guaranteed it would be successful. As it should. The Jeon paid a large sum of money for this.

"Perfect. Let's go!" Mrs. Jeon instructed the helpers and drivers to move.

You assisted Jungkook in getting into the car. He specifically requested to be in the same vehicle as you. He also said he didn't want any other people, except the driver, to ride with you two.

"Good?" You fondled the back of Jungkook's hand.

He's so quiet and instead of answering, he simply squeezed your hand and rested his head on your shoulder.

You swore you could feel his heart beating.

"You're nervous?"

Jungkook groaned in response.

You kissed the side of his head and then you asked him if he wanted you to sing. Jungkook loved your voice so much. It instantly calmed him down.

"Okay, baby." You kissed his temple again before humming. The song stuck in your mind was Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. It had a soft melody that helped someone feel at ease.

"Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in. Lie down with me, yeah ~ and hold me in your arms..."

You couldn't help but smile. The nights you spent cuddled with Jungkook flashed in your mind.

Oh, how fast the night changed. Before, you didn't want Jungkook anywhere near you. He scared you, he made you feel like he was going to hurt everyone around him.

"And your heart's against my chest. Your lips pressed to my neck..."

This was your favorite position. Nothing would top the feeling of being able to feel Jungkook's heart beat.

You thought some people were exaggerating when they said they could spend their life listening to the heartbeat of the people they loved.

You understood them now. Jungkook's heartbeat provided you comfort. It was a constant reminder that he was capable of loving, and that he was alive—he was real and he was going to stay with you, even if it was just for a short while.

"I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet..." Your voice almost cracked but you held it in.

You inhaled sharply. I'm falling for your eyes, but they will never know me. This was how it should be.

No word 'yet,' because you would never be given a chance to see Jungkook again after this.

"And with a feeling I'll forget. I'm in love now..."

You had to forget him. You had to run very, very far away from him.

"Kiss me like you wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love..."

You had never kissed someone the way you kissed Jungkook. With others, you sought comfort. With Jungkook, you strived to be the comfort.

Lies. You were not the embodiment of comfort. You were the personification of despair and betrayal.

"Settle down with me and I'll be your safety...you'll be my lady ~"

Jungkook swore he'd change for you. He would no longer act just to save face. He'd beg his parents to write his name in the will again if that's going to make you happy.

He'd be your safety. You'd never go astray as long as he was alive.

"I was made to keep your body warm, but I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms..."

But for now, he'd ask you to keep him safe. He was cold, he was stuck in a very dark place. He needed you to light him up and keep him warm.

He didn't need to ask. You would do that. Anything for your sweet Jeon Jungkook.

You continued singing while holding him in your arms. He looked so small like this, like a boy who needed love.

He needed love.

He wanted to be loved by you.

You wanted to give him love too, so after you sang the last verse of the song, you smiled and nuzzled his cheeks...

And then you kissed both of his eyes.

The medical workers assisted Jungkook the second the car stopped in front of the hospital building.

"What about you, Sooyoung-ah?" Jungkook asked when he realized you were still inside the car. He didn't feel you move.

"I'll follow you in a while, Kookie. I just need a moment..."

Jungkook furrowed his brow, but instead of questioning you, he just sighed.

You smiled sadly.

"It's going to be okay, Jungkook-ah. I promise I'll be the first person you'd see after the surgery."

Jungkook couldn't help it. A smile bloomed on his face.

"Okay. I love you, noona."

"I love you too, my Kookie..."

Jungkook was escorted inside the hospital after that. You, on the other hand, immediately closed the door of the car.

You turned to the driver of the Jeons who was already looking at you.

"Where should I drop you, Mam?"

You smiled at the driver.

"Anywhere. Just make sure it's very far away from here."

A low moan escaped her mouth as she arched her back, welcoming the pleasure of his cock teasing her entrance.

"Call me, Kookie." He demanded, lips dangerously close to her mouth. He wanted to hear her say his name first.

"W-What?" The woman seemed lost. She cried when he slapped her ass cheek. It hurt, but it felt good.

She wanted him to do it again.

"Say it." He repeated, this time his voice was colder as he dragged the tip of his cock through her wet folds.

"Kookie..." The girl mewled. She would do anything he wanted as long as he didn't stop pleasuring her.

But he stopped.

He stopped just when she was about to reach her high.

"What the fuck—"

"Get out." He pulled away from her.

The girl gasped. She's about to say something but he beat her to it.

"You're not her. I don't want to see your face. Get out."

The girl was too stunned to speak so she just let out a huff, glaring at him as she immediately straightened her dress.

"You're a fucking asshole, Jungkook." And then she left.

Everybody left.

What was wrong about him and why did everyone leave? Was it because that girl was right? Was he really an asshole?

"But she's not her." Jungkook muttered under his breath, trying to silence the voice in his head telling him he fucked up.

He fucked up the good thing he had with that girl just because she's not you.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." The growl Taehyung let out didn't even make Jungkook flinch.

He had done far more embarrassing things than banged Taehyung's door in the middle of the night.

"My head hurts, hyung." Jungkook groaned as he made his way to the couch. He didn't have to wait for the older boy to let him in. He just knew he was always welcome here.

"You can't just barge in here at three fucking am, Jeon." Or maybe not. Needless to say, Jungkook didn't care. Taehyung owed him one.

"You owe me one, Kim." And he never failed to remind Taehyung this.

"I owe you one?" The owner of the house scoffed. He was sneering as if Jungkook's presence was a big burden, but then he proceeded to make hot cocoa for the 'intruder.' Taehyung also grabbed ibuprofen in his medicine cabinet.

He handed the cocoa and the pill to Jungkook.

"Drink up, you idiot." Taehyung let out an exhale as he plopped down beside the younger boy.

"You reek alcohol and..." Taehyung sniffed Jungkook's neck. "Girls. I can smell different perfumes on you. Damn, how many girls did you fuck?"

It was a good question. Jungkook tried to remember, sadly he couldn't. He shrugged, as if he didn't care.

"Doesn't matter. They're not her."

Taehyung sucked in a deep breath after Jungkook said those words. He really lost it, huh?

"Of course they're not her. It's been five years, Kook. When will you realize she doesn't want to be found?"

"I will never stop looking for her. She owes me too." Jungkook tightened his hold on the cup of cocoa. However, the determination he felt was shattered when Taehyung spoke again.

"Why do you keep insisting people owe you something? Haven't you learned anything in five years, huh, Jungkookie?"

Jungkookie. What a fucking lame way to call him. It reminded him of the way you utter his nickname: Kookie.

He hated it. He hated you so much. How was it possible for you to still occupy his thoughts even though it had been five years since you left?

Five years since his eye surgery.

Five years since he started seeing again.

Five years since he found out Sooyoung died.

Five years since he came to know about his family's cruel plan.

Five years since the Jeons revealed you're nothing but a fraud.

Five years since you left.

You left.

You left after telling him you'd never leave. You were a liar. A user. A manipulator. You tricked him and he was too naïve to realize it.

"I have. And it's to confront people who owe me."

Taehyung scoffed again. He couldn't help it. Jungkook was being petty.

"So is that why you're here? You want to confront me? You want to know why I didn't describe her face?" Taehyung shook his head. "Is it my fault I don't remember? How many times do I have to tell you we only saw her once—"

"I don't care! You should try harder!" Jungkook was raging when he turned to his best friend. His eyes were bloodshot that Taehyung couldn't help but swallow thickly.

Jungkook looked so miserable without you.

"That's all I'm asking, hyung. To try harder! You know how desperate I am!"

Jungkook's scream reminded Taehyung about what happened five years ago. It was very similar to this. He remembered Jungkook barging in his home in the middle of the night; his face was pale, eyes dilated as if he'd lose something important if he blinked.

"Hyung! You have to help me!" Eighteen year-old Jungkook begged. He was clutching a sketchbook in his chest.

"Jungkook, what's happening? Calm down..." Taehyung tried to comfort the younger boy. He wasn't an expert or something, but he felt like getting stressed would affect Jungkook's healing process. His eye surgery was successful; however it didn't mean his life was already back to normal. He still needed to be careful. He needed to manage his stress level, especially because it hadn't even been a week since the surgery.

"I-I can’t. I went to Jimin-hyung but he can't help me. You're my only hope, hyung!" Jungkook was staring at his best friend using those doe eyes, the asset which was very hard to resist. No one was immune to this, not even Taehyung.

"Tell me how I can help you, Kook."

It was the wrong thing to say. Jungkook became more riled up. He clumsily sat on the couch as he opened his sketchbook.

"You met her, right? You met the girl who pretended to be my wife. You..." Jungkook's lips quivered. He was slurring because he was speaking too fast.

It broke Taehyung's heart to see him like this. Jungkook was restless. The bags under his eyes were getting darker. He lost weight in a span of days.

This was bad.

"You have to describe to me how she looks, hyung. I-I will draw her face. I'm good at it, you know? I...I can draw! Please. Please...I really need to see her."

"Jungkook—" Taehyung's voice drowned when Jungkook spoke frantically.

"Let's start with something easy, okay? What's the color of her eyes? What about its shape? Almond? Upturned? Small? Speak up, hyung. Lips! Does she have thin lips? Thick? Nose? Her lips? Her eyes? Almond?"

Taehyung stopped listening to Jungkook. He kept repeating the same thing. It's obvious he wasn't in the right state of mind. He was so desperate to the point that he looked pathetic. Who were you and what did you do to Jungkook?

Why did he become like this?

"I'm sorry, Kook. I really can't remember her face. I only met her once because you basically pushed us away from her." Jungkook used to be so immature. He felt jealousy consuming him whenever you talked to his friends and male caregivers.

"Try harder. Please! I have to see her." Jungkook cried the same thing over and over again.

Taehyung repeatedly shook his head too.

"I can't help you, Jungkookie. What about your family? They see her all the time before."

Jungkook threw his pencil away because of the frustration he felt at Taehyung's suggestion.

"You think I didn't ask them?" It was stupid. Taehyung was stupid. Of course Jungkook begged his family to tell him the truth about you; unfortunately they kept their mouth shut. Besides, Jungkook wasn't sure if he could trust the information his family would give him. They fooled him before, what's stopping them from doing it again?

He remembered begging them to tell him your name though.

"I'm sorry, Jungkook-ah. We don't know her real name too." Jinjoo was remorseful.

Jungkook hated her. He couldn't believe he used to adore his sister. They're all liars. How could they not know your name? They were the ones who hired you.

Jungkook was so desperate he didn't believe his sisters. He tried asking their helpers and his other caregivers about you; regrettably it looked like they were paid to shut up.

Jungkook went as far as demanding a CCTV copy of the day you and him went to Lotte World, hoping he could at least see your face even on that small screen. Unfortunately, just like the caregivers and other helpers, they were paid by the Jeons too.

Or was it you? Did you use the blank check the Jeons gave you to silence those people? Yes, he knew about the deal you made with his family. Jungkook was feral. He demanded to know about the reason for your pretense. Mrs. Jeon told her son the truth. She told him everything except any information that would reveal your identity.

Everyone was protecting you, even Taehyung and Jimin and it's breaking his heart. Why did you want to get away from him? Didn't he treat you right? Didn't you feel anything for him? Was everything that you two had done meant nothing to you?

It's unfair.

Jungkook's heart recoiled every time he thought about those moments. You weren't his real wife but what he felt for you during those moments were real.

It's real.

It's real and he wanted to be able to look into your eyes and ask if it's real for you too.

Jungkook swore he would never give up looking for you. He would do anything just to see you again, even if it meant flipping the world upside down, even if it meant stringing along women who sounded like you—because even though five years had passed, all he could think about was you and the way you kissed his eyes.

Jungkook woke up to the sound of his phone ringing.

"Shit." He grumbled, hands automatically massaging his aching neck. He wanted to open his eyes, but the blinding light was making it difficult to do so.

The blinding light was none other than the sun, which he didn't understand. The curtains in his room were always close. Who the fuck drew it open today?

"Fucking shut up already." Jungkook let a roar while fumbling his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. He immediately pressed the blinking screen to listen to his voicemail.

"Good morning, Mr. Jeon. It's detective Jung Hoseok. I take it you're still asleep? Please call me back once you receive this message. I have new information about your Jane Doe."

Hoseok's voice was what forced Jungkook to peel his eyes open. This was also the time when he realized he wasn't in his apartment. He was slouching on the couch in Taehyung's living room. Ah. This was why his neck was stiff. He was in a very awkward position for hours.

"Also, please stop threatening to kill my subordinates. We take threats very seriously in this job. Call me back when this message reaches you. Have a great day, Mr. Jeon."

The voice message ended after that. Jungkook gritted his teeth. It was early in the morning but he's already annoyed. He told Hoseok to stop calling you Jane Doe.

It made him feel like you were dead. He's pretty sure you're not. Your whereabouts were just unknown—this was also the reason why Jungkook hired Jung Hoseok. He was said to be the best detective when it came to finding a lost person.

It's been five years since Jungkook hired him, unfortunately he still hadn't found you. It made Jungkook irritable, leading him to threaten the people working for Hoseok. They're all useless. Why couldn't they find you?

Admittedly, the answer was simple. Hoseok and his team were looking for you across the globe. There was a possibility that you left Korea after getting your blank check.

But where exactly did you go?

Maybe Jungkook could ask Hoseok. He said he had new information about you, right?

"Let's meet in our usual meeting place. Be there in ten minutes." Jungkook also sent a voice message to the detective.

He sighed, hoping this was the day he'd finally see you.

Jungkook was pissed and Hoseok was the culprit.

"Why are you the one deciding where and when we should fucking meet, huh?" Jungkook was spitting fire. He told the detective he wanted to meet up in ten minutes; however, Hoseok said he would only meet Jungkook at exactly eleven pm tonight. He also changed the location of their meeting.

Hoseok wanted to meet up in a bar somewhere in the unprogressive part of Seoul. The idea made Jungkook scoff. There were many high-end bars located in Itaewon. Why would the detective choose a cheap bar?

"Fucking Jung Hoseok." Jungkook gritted his teeth as he removed his helmet. He shook his head, causing his mint locks to become messy.

Jungkook was driving a motorcycle. He tried to avoid using other vehicles after his surgery, especially cars. He hated cars because it only reminded him of the two women he lost.

Fucking cars.

"Where the fuck are you, Jung? I can't fucking leave my bike here." Jungkook hissed, profanities escaped his mouth as he sent another voice message to the detective. Why wasn't he answering Jungkook's call? It's already 11:05pm.

Jungkook couldn't decide whether to leave his bike in this shitty parking space and search every bar in this shitty neighborhood or to stay and just wait for the detective's call. Hoseok didn't mention the name of the bar where he planned to meet Jungkook.

What a scumbag. He's full of shit. Jungkook was annoyed. He felt like he's wasting his money on Hoseok.

"Fuck it." He cussed again before deciding to leave his bike in the dark. Who cared? Jungkook realized he didn't care if someone stole it. All he could think about right now was the information Hoseok had managed to gather. This inspired him to roam around the neighborhood, though he couldn't help but roll his eyes as he jumped from one bar to another. Every place was empty. Jungkook wondered why these people decided to conduct their business in this neighborhood. It was obvious that customers flocked at Itaewon. Who would even want to go here? This place was similar to a pigsty.

"What can I get you, pretty boy?"

Jungkook flinched when an old woman suddenly touched his shoulder. She smiled at him, stretching her lips wider, unfortunately it still failed to straighten the crease on her forehead.

She must be really old.

"Uh..." Jungkook looked around. Hoseok wasn't here. "I'm just looking around. Sorry, I'll leave—ouch! What the fuck—"

Jungkook yelped in pain when the woman unexpectedly hit his shoulder. She was old yet her hand was still heavy, like it was made of metal.

"Aigoo! You're a bad luck! You dared to enter my shop and just leave without buying anything? You're supposed to be my first customer! You ruined my luck tonight!" The older woman kept on hitting Jungkook. She struck his arms, his chest, and the back of his head.

"Ah, stop it!" Jungkook covered his face. "Fine! Fine! I'll order everything on the menu! Just stop hitting me!"

The old woman complied at once. Her big smile was back, eyes twinkling.

What the hell.

"Good, good! Now sit down like a good boy and I'll prepare your food!"

Jungkook didn't have a choice but to do what the woman said.

Damn it.

Jungkook didn't know it but you worked right across the bar where he's currently at. It's the same place where Hoseok wanted to meet him.

Jungkook wished to see you tonight and Hoseok's going to make sure that would happen.

"Let me guess..." You flashed Hoseok a big grin as you raised your brow. "One Moscow Mule, right?"

The detective grinned back at you as he nodded his head. His expression only caused you to smile wider.

You didn't know Hoseok's name but you already knew the drink he would order. It's the same thing every night. Hoseok discovered Déjà vu, the name of the bar where you worked, three weeks ago. Ever since that night, he never failed to go back to this place.

He swung by at eleven on the dot. Hoseok's actions were predictable. First, he would swiftly come in as he removed his hat. After that he would go straight to the bar counter, occupying the third spot of the bar stool. Customers rarely went to this bar so that spot was always available for Hoseok.

Once he's settled on his seat, Hoseok would flash you a charming smile and proceed to order his favorite drink: Moscow Mule. Tonight you beat him by saying it first.

Hoseok usually stayed for just ten minutes. He was always silent as he sipped on his drink, carefully scanning the whole place.

There were only five people in the bar and that included you and him already.

"Rough night at work?" You weren't sure what compelled you to start a conversation with Hoseok. Maybe it's his smile?

Hoseok always smiled brightly at you. He still did it tonight, but something didn't feel right. Tonight, his smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah. My boss is being a butt." He snorted.

"Hm, all bosses are butts though."

"Yah! I heard that!" Seokjin, the bar owner, aka your boss, heard what you just said.

"Oh! Sajangnim! I didn't see you there." You faked a gasp, lying that you had no idea he was standing just a meter away from you. Seokjin was busy mixing drinks—his own drink.

Hoseok raised his brow in amusement. He had been visiting this bar for three weeks now but this was the first time he saw you interact with your boss. It was apparent that you had a good relationship with him.

"So what did you do that made your boss mad?"

Hoseok didn't realize he was spacing out until he felt Seokjin's breath fanning his cheek. Damn. Seokjin was leaning too close to him. It made Hoseok's cheeks turn red.

He was literally the most handsome man Hoseok had ever seen—this was coming from a man who had travelled the whole world. Shit.

"Ah! Why are you assuming he's the one at fault?" You pointed at Hoses' face.

Seokjin snorted.

"Because the boss is always right!"

Hoseok's lips twitched as he watched you bicker with your boss. He found it amusing and frankly, it made him wonder if you ever talked to Jungkook like this too.

Hoseok had known his boss for five years now; regrettably he hadn't seen Jungkook smile. Not even once. He was always scowling, as though he was angry at the world. Actually, he looked like he was carrying the world on his shoulders.

Except it's not his world. How could it be when his world was bickering with Seokjin right now?

"He's not really a butt, you know? My boss is just going through something." Hoseok interjected your conversation with your boss.

You turned to face Hoseok.

"Damn. You shouldn't have said that. I lost to him now!" You playfully pouted while glaring at Seokjin. The latter laughed it off, happy that he won.

Hoseok chuckled as well.

"Sorry. I just have to ready myself, you know...to kiss his ass. I'm meeting him tonight."

"Wait! Right now? As in...here?" You were shocked that you almost dropped the second glass of Hoseok's drink.

Was it weird that you suddenly felt nervous? His boss wasn't your boss, yet you felt like you're the one being reprimanded.

Your heart actually skipped a beat.

"Yeah—"

The bell rang, indicating that someone entered the bar.

You, Seokjin, and Hoseok all turned towards the door where Jungkook just emerged.

"That's him. That's my boss..." Hoseok switched his gaze back to you just so he could watch your reaction. He was expecting to see ‘surprise’ painting your face and honestly, you didn't disappoint.

You made the exact face Hoseok had been imagining. It's almost comically painful to see your eyes growing big. Your body froze though, like you suddenly became a mannequin. Hoseok wasn't sure if you were even breathing. He also didn't know that your stomach twisted in pain and fear.

"Jung Hoseok, you fucking asshole!"

Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook was back.

Run. Unlike five years ago, the voice in your head was cooperating now, telling you to run for the hills before Jungkook saw you.

His attention was currently focused on Hoseok. Jungkook was fuming. His jaw ticked and for the very first time, you saw how his hooded eyes bore into you.

Into you.

His eyes bore into you.

Into you—Into you?

"Have we met before?"

You choked.

You literally choked on your spit when Jungkook spoke to you. You were so stunned to see him that you didn't realize when he looked at you. Weren't he just lashing out on Hoseok?

"Man, if you had a dollar every time someone uses that pick up line to you, you'd surely be rich by now." Seokjin was the one who answered Jungkook's question. Your boss shook his head like he was disappointed. This bar rarely had customers but when someone came, they always tried to hit on you—this was why Seokjin made sure to be around all the time. He was ready to butt in the moment he sensed a customer was making you uncomfortable.

He couldn't decipher the current situation though. Did you know Jungkook? Why were you rooted on your spot? Did something happen between the two of you before? Seokjin had many queries running inside head.

"I—I'm not..." Jungkook pursed his lips, brows knitting while explaining his side to your boss. "I know I haven't seen her before, but she seems..."

Your fake husband trailed off, not knowing how to complete his statement. What's the right word to use? Familiar?

"Jamais vu." Hoseok interrupted, supping his drink. "I believe that's the term you're looking for, Mr. Jeon."

Mr. Jeon. No doubt, he was really the same man you love—took advantage of before.

He was the same Jungkook who showed you love just because he thought you were his wife. Jamais Vu. Hoseok was right. Jungkook had literally never seen you, but you were familiar.

You were familiar because you had kissed him, touched him, and murmured sweet nothings to him as you chased your high.

It had been five years since you had seen him. Who would have thought you'd meet again like this?

"Well, what I think is that you're stupid if you've met her before and forgot about it. How could you? She's literally the best person in this world." Seokjin put his arms around you, as if he was protecting you. You two had known each other for years now. You wouldn't mind him doing this. You were comfortable around him.

Truthfully, you appreciated that he's doing this for you. You weren't really sure what to do right now. You were still frozen and scared to speak.

Would he remember my voice if I speak? You wondered, making your heart recoiled. Shit. No.

"Ah, so you know how to kiss butts too, huh?" Hoseok teased, still going at it with the joke. Seokjin didn't miss the way the detective watched your expression—it was like he's waiting for you to react in a certain way.

It's very different with the way Jungkook looked at you. Hoseok's boss stared at you like you were a damn puzzle he needed to solve. His gaze was both dark and sparkling though. Weird combination.

"You got me! But I can definitely do way more than that—" Seokjin turned you around, almost pushing you away from Hoseok and Jungkook's stare.

"—Mr. Jeon!" Your boss called Jungkook's attention in another attempt to stop him from eying you. He succeeded.

Barely.

"Looks like you had a rough night. Care for a drink? It's on the house..."

"Huh? Um—" Jungkook licked his lips, momentarily shifting his attention to Seokjin. "Drink? Yeah. I need one. Whatever you can make. I don't....have preference."

And then he was looking at you again.

Seokjin grinned.

"Perfect! I'll have your drink ready." Your boss smiled at Jungkook before turning to you. "You're free to take your break. You must be tired..."

You were not—at least not physically. Your shift just started, but you wouldn't mind taking a break.

You needed it. You needed to get out of here.

"Thanks, Sajangnim." You turned your back on Seokjin before he could reply, desperate to shake off the weird way your heart fluttered as Jungkook stared at you.

The night you met Jungkook again after five years, you decided to do what you're best at: running.

You listened to the voice inside your head that used to be annoying. In fairness, the voice wasn't urging you to do something stupid.

For once, it told you something you should have done in the first place.

You should have never agreed to the plans of the Jeons. You shouldn’t have pretended to be someone you were not because you see, five years had passed but you're still pining after Jungkook.

It's stupid and you knew it. You were an idiot for falling into the trap you made. You were an idiot for thinking that the affection Jungkook had shown you was for you.

Thinking about those sweet moments still left you teary-eyed. The longing you felt was so intense that sometimes you just wanted to rip your heart out.

This was one of those times.

Seeing Jungkook after five years made the hole in your heart deeper. You missed him so much. All you wanted to do was hug him and kiss him again.

But you couldn't.

You couldn't because things had changed. He changed. He was no longer the boy you could easily fool.

Jungkook grew up and he could see now.

You were afraid he could see through your lies so you had to leave. You told Seokjin you only needed a break for fifteen minutes, sadly thirty minutes had passed but your heart was still beating violently.

There was no way you could go back inside the bar while Jungkook was around.

No. You would never allow your paths to cross again. The guilt you felt was already heavy. You would surely stumble if you gave into the selfish part of you who wanted to be with him again.

No. You weren't going to repeat the same mistake before, not now that you were in control of the girl you saw in the mirror.

She was no longer weak for Jeon Jungkook.

"I guess you found out before I even had the chance to tell you, huh?" The corner of Hoseok's mouth twitched as he watched Jungkook watch you hurriedly leave the bar the second Seokjin said you could take a break.

"Is..." Jungkook slowly switched his gaze at the detective when he couldn't see you anymore. Where did you go? What did you do during your breaks? Did you smoke? Drink coffee? Meet up with someone?

Jungkook realized he knew absolutely nothing about you. Not even your name.

"Is she..." Jungkook repeated again. It's hard to get the words out of his mouth.

"She is." Hoseok understood it anyway. "She's the person you're looking for. She's the one who pretended to be your wife."

Jungkook's heart constricted, throat closing up.

He couldn't breathe.

"T-That's her...?" Jungkook's voice broke, eyes brimming with tears.

He was conflicted. He wanted to run after you, confront you, embrace you, shout at you, kiss you...but he's frozen—which was the complete opposite of what's happening inside of him.

When you left, Jungkook felt like his world stopped. He didn't want to do anything aside from being angry. Dark thought clouded his mind too. I should have died with Sooyoung that day. Jungkook also isolated himself for months.

He didn't want to see people because he felt like all of them were just going to trick him. It's very difficult to trust now that the person who he believed with all of his heart ended up crushing his spirit.

Jungkook wanted to be mad at you. How could he do it when the moment he saw you, he instantly felt like his world was spinning again?

He saw everything with color again. It wasn't stuck in your eyes or in Sooyoung's eyes. The colors were everywhere.

It's not just the colors; the air he breathed finally filled his lungs too.

And the sound ringing in his ears? It intensified. As matter of fact, he could feel his heart beating with the same rhythm of the music blasting in this bar.

I've been running through the jungle I've been running with the wolves

To get to you, to get to you

Jungkook's world was bright now that he found you. He spent the last five years running through the jungle and teaming up with wolves just to reach you.

I've been down the darkest alleys

Saw the dark side of the moon

To get to you, to get to you

Jungkook remembered all the things he had done to get to you—the thing he had to go through in order to get in touch with Hoseok.

It's not enough that Jungkook had money. Hoseok was a big deal. You had to prove yourself to him before he worked for you.

Jungkook, at the age of nineteen, begged and almost kissed Hoseok's feet just to make him want to find you.

It paid off. Hoseok was loyal to Jungkook now. He would do anything to find you.

But it wasn't easy. The detective took long to find you, forcing Jungkook to execute his own mission:

I've looked for love in every stranger, took too much to ease the anger all for you

He did. Taehyung and Jimin scolded him though. His friends told him he couldn't possibly fuck and entertain all women who sounded like you.

Jungkook cackled at the memory of that. It's like his life was flashing before his eyes. Everything came back to him, reminding him about the pain he had to go through, but it’s not to encourage him to get mad at you.

No.

Jungkook chose to think otherwise.

He was reminded of the hardships to make him realize that getting you back would be worth it.

Jungkook swore he'd get to you.

Your shift at Déjà vu started at 10:30pm every night. Seokjin couldn't afford to hire more staff so you worked for him every single day, including Sundays.

You didn't mind. You needed money and frankly, being a bartender in Seokjin's bar was easy. You got paid well even though you barely mixed drinks. As mentioned, customers rarely visited the store.

Hoseok was the only regular customer you had. Unfortunately, it looked like he wasn't going to be here tonight.

Or ever.

Another customer arrived at eleven on the dot though.

"Hi." Jungkook.

Just when you thought you'd never see him again, Jungkook came back and shattered that silly thought you had.

Like last night, you were caught off guard by his presence again. Jungkook occupied Hoseok's spot while you tried your best to smile.

You were certain you looked constipated, but you figured that's better than letting him hear your voice.

That's dangerous.

"Margarita. Please..." Jungkook said softly as he stared at you. Like last night, he looked at you like he was trying to figure out if you were the one who put the stars in the sky.

It made your heart clench. It's painful to hear his voice again after so long. Not just that, you also felt like there's something wrong with his request—like it was incomplete.

You realized you're waiting for him to say the word jagiya.

"Miss...?" Jungkook blurted out, pulling you back to reality. You spaced out in front of him. Again. What the hell was wrong with you?

You nodded at Jungkook, grabbing your shaker and not biting his bait. He called you miss and then he trailed off, as if he wanted you to say your name.

Thank goodness Seokjin didn't require you to wear a name tag. Jungkook pouted though. He thought he'd coax you to utter your name without really asking for it.

Guess he had to try harder, huh? But not now. Definitely not now. All he could do tonight was stare at you as you prepared his order.

Jungkook was the new Hoseok. As expected, the detective didn't visit Déjà vu again. However Jungkook did.

He came back every night, eleven on the dot. Jungkook was like Hoseok too. He would swiftly enter the bar and go straight to the bar counter.

Hoseok had a hat. Jungkook brought his helmet that complemented his black leather jacket.

You had never seen Jungkook dressed up like this before. He only wore a plain white shirt and sweatpants back when you were still pretending to be Sooyoung.

Jungkook was more stylish now. He even dyed his hair mint. Jungwoo, Jang-mi's three year-old son, always teased Jungkook, saying that his uncle's hair was like mint chocolate.

Jungkook's hair was also longer than you remembered. Things changed. His already toned body was thicker too. Underneath his jacket was a body that seemed like it had been sculptured to perfection. You could see the tattoos on the back of his hand too. You wondered if he was hiding his inked arms under his jacket. You wished you could see.

"Thanks," Jungkook smiled warmly at you when you placed his margarita in front of him. Tonight marked the tenth time of his visit in this bar.

Jungkook never failed to show up. Fortunately you weren't that bothered anymore. He wasn't doing anything that made you uncomfortable.

Jungkook literally sat on the bar stool, silently sipping on his drink. You noticed how he winced every time he supped his margarita. You always had to suppress your laughter upon seeing his scowl though.

You couldn't help it. A lot of things changed about Jungkook but you realized he was still the same boy who despised bitter things.

"He's staring at you again." Seokjin discreetly whispered to you while preparing the order of another customer. "Are you sure he's not bothering you?"

"I'm fine." You let out a deep breath, looking back at Jungkook who wasn't looking at you anymore. His attention was focused on whatever the other customer beside him was saying.

You turned to Seokjin, unable to stomach the sight of Jungkook conversing with another woman. What was wrong with you? You didn't have the right to feel this way.

"Do you know him or something?" Seokjin poured the drink on a glass.

You liked Seokjin, you really did, but you weren't about to tell him how you got to know Jungkook. It's fucked up. He might end up firing you or worse, hating you.

"No. Not really." You grabbed the glass of cocktail your boss had made. "I'll bring this to our lovely customer over there."

Seokjin didn't argue but you heard him laugh.

You swore you even heard him mutter "jealous," under his breath.

Jungkook didn't know how to get your attention. You always shut him out whenever he tried to strike a conversation with you.

The most frustrating part was that he never heard you speak, not even a single word. You would just smile, shake or nod your head.

It's a relief that he got to talk to another person. This woman sitting beside Jungkook randomly approached him. She talked about how much she liked his tattoos.

She surely knew how to get someone's attention.

"Glazed donut, huh?" You were on your way to deliver the woman's drink when you saw her trace her fingers on the donut inked on the space between Jungkook's thumb and index finger.

Your breathing hitched.

"Ah, it's my favorite snack. I like to uh..." Jungkook cleared his throat, you saw in your peripheral vision that he's glancing at you. His cheeks were scarlet. "...lick the sugar icing on my f-fingers."

What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. This was all you could think about as you placed the woman's drink on the counter top.

"Thanks." The woman smiled at you before switching her gaze back to Jungkook. She opened another topic but you didn't hear it. Your mind was flying again.

Why did Jungkook look at you while talking about his tattoo? Could it be...did he...know who you were? Was that the reason why he kept coming back to this place?

But why? What did he want from you? Revenge? Answers? What?

"Hey, you okay?" Seokjin was standing beside you in an instant. He grabbed your shoulders because you looked like you're about to fall.

Jungkook noticed it too. He abruptly stood up, reaching out for you. He didn't get to help you though. Seokjin already saved you from falling.

"I need to go home." Your voice was barely audible, you weren't sure if your boss heard you.

He did.

Seokjin nodded his head, about to ask if you needed a ride, but you shook your head and immediately headed towards the exit.

You released a deep breath the moment you stepped out of the bar. The wind blew and you shivered.

You shivered because of two reasons. First was because of the wind, the second reason was because Jungkook suddenly grabbed your wrist, forcing you to turn to him.

He followed you.

"Are you okay?" He asked, voice laced with concern that he forgot about anything else. He even ignored your apparent shock because of the unexpected skin contact. This was just like the first time he grabbed your hand when he woke up from the coma.

The only difference was that tonight, he grabbed your hand so gently, like you were made of clay.

You didn't know how to answer Jungkook. Ugly thoughts swam in your head. You honestly believed he was here to make you pay for tricking him five years ago.

It made your head dizzy, heart beating violently against your ribcage. Jungkook's touch was like fire.

You were ice.

You pulled your hand away from him.

He was shocked. You saw hurt crossed his face.

You didn't care.

Like the first night, you ran away.

As usual, Jungkook didn't stop you.

Seokjin was worried about you.

"Do I need to kick Jungkook out of here?" This was why he asked if you wanted Jungkook to never be able to step inside Déjà vu ever again.

All you had to say was yes, however it looked like cat got your tongue. You were in conflict with yourself. A part of you didn't want to see him, the other part of you hated to lose him again. Besides, it wasn't fair to ban him from going here. He wasn't doing anything wrong. You didn't want Seokjin to lose his only regular customer.

"There's no need. I'm fine."

"You're fine?" Your boss raised his brow skeptically. It's ten minutes before eleven pm. You had to speak the truth since if ever you said yes, then he would be needing time to prepare how to kick Jungkook out nicely.

"You're fine that he's always here? You honestly don't mind that he looks at you with...I don't know… intense longing?" He uttered your name with a sigh. "That guy is whipped for you."

You almost scoffed at him when he said that. Jungkook? Whipped for you? More like detested you.

You took advantage of him, remember?

"It's either you find him cute or creepy as fuck. Either way I need you to decide. Kick him out or let him pine after you?"

"He's not pining after me!" You didn't understand why you're getting worked up because of this.

It's your stupid heart's fault. It kept skipping a beat whenever Seokjin said Jungkook had feelings for you.

Your boss sighed.

"Fine," and then he raised his hands as if he was surrendering. "Whatever you say."

The conversation ended after that. Seokjin let you practice your breathing technique that wouldn't make you look like a fool in front of Jungkook.

The clock ticked while your heart skipped beats.

11pm.

Your breathing hitched when you saw the time. Your eyes automatically drifted to the door, bracing yourself to see Jungkook.

11:25pm and there's still no sign of him.

Maybe he's running late.

11:57pm.

The bell rang.

Your eyes lit up.

But it wasn't Jungkook. It's a new customer.

You sighed.

12:04am.

1:23am.

2:06am.

3:15am.

Time passed by.

You kept your eyes glued on the door.

Seokjin tapped your shoulders, telling you your shift had ended.

"Time to go home. You look tired."

You blinked.

"Right. See you later, sajangnim..."

Seokjin just smiled, realizing that he might be wrong. Jungkook wasn't pining after you.

You're the one pining after Jungkook.

Or maybe it was a mutual pining?

Seokjin shrugged. Oh well, he'd just have to see how this would unfold.

It appeared like your love story would not progress.

It had been three days since Jungkook last visited Seokjin's bar. To be honest you're starting to doubt if he was ever gonna come back.

Maybe he realized there's no point of seeing you anymore? After all, you were nothing but a memory from the past that he should forget.

You're insignificant in his life—you were able to confirm this when after five days, Jungkook was still nowhere to be found.

His absence demotivated you to go to work. You knew you'd just end up staring at the door as you waited for him, so what's the point?

What's the point of going to work?

"Where the hell are you?" Apparently, your boss didn't share the same sentiment. He had been texting and calling you nonstop for twenty minutes now, asking why you're running late. His messages went unanswered though.

You were too busy staring outside the window of the bus to answer him. Tch. What was the big deal? You were ten minutes late, yes, but did it matter?

It's not like you had customers.

You had been late before too. Seokjin never once complained. He knew your other job was demanding. Aside from being a bartender, you also worked as a supermarket cashier, your other boss was an ass, forcing you to do things more than what you originally signed up for.

You didn't know if you could handle it if Seokjin turned out to be like your other boss. The tone of Seokjin's voice when he sent you a voice message sounded agitated, like he didn't know what to do.

It suddenly occurred to you that maybe something terrible happened at the shop. Taking this mind, you immediately headed inside the bar.

But everything seemed normal.

Except one thing.

"What happened to your face?"

You weren't sure who's more shocked. Was it you who saw Jungkook sitting on his usual spot, his face was covered with cuts. Or was it him? This was the first time he heard you spoke after five years.

"Jungkook-ssi right here stumbled across those punks at 8th street." Seokjin was the one who answered your question because Jungkook was too stunned to hear your voice.

Man, no doubt. He was really whipped for you. Seokjin wouldn't question it anymore.

"They hurt you?" It took everything in you not to cup his face. Your heart recoiled.

"Barely." Jungkook smirked. "I hit them pretty hard. Cowards. They started running."

"Jungkook!" You gasped, eyes growing big. "You shouldn't have hit them back! What if they have a weapon?"

You were fuming. He's such an idiot. An idiot who couldn't stop chuckling and teasing you!

"Are you worried about me?"

"Are you kidding me?" You lost it. You cupped his face without thinking. There were cuts but they weren't deep. It also looked like it had been treated. Seokjin helped him when he realized you wouldn't come anytime soon.

"Of course I'm worried! How could I not when you're acting like an idiot?" You titled his face, examining if there were other cuts.

Jungkook relished in the warmth of your hand gracing his skin, causing him to close his eyes. When he opened them again, his breathing hitched.

You caught his gaze, staring deep into his soft brown eyes.

"Ahem." Seokjin cleared his throat, smirking upon realizing that your face was just inches away from Jungkook.

It's like you snapped back to reality. You cleared your throat as you flinched away from him.

"I— I need to change to my uniform." You excused yourself without waiting for them to answer.

You sighed.

Operation to ignore Jeon Jungkook: failed.

You failed to ignore Jungkook twice that night. You didn't care if he realized that your voice was familiar. You'd rather be the evil person than see him get hurt again.

"Thanks for treating my face and for the drinks, Seokjin-hyung." Jungkook smiled at your boss while grabbing his helmet.

Jungkook hated drinking margarita, but he enjoyed two glasses tonight. It helped him with the pain he's feeling. Truthfully, the punches of those punks hurt like a bitch. Thank heavens Jungkook knew how to fight.

"No problem, Jungkook-ah. Just be careful on your way home, okay? Don't fight those punks. Just call the police or run fast. Remember that safety comes first! Pride comes second!"

Jungkook just chuckled. He waved Seokjin goodbye before turning to smile at you. After that he headed straight to the exit. He's surprised, however, when you trailed after him.

"Wait. Jungkook!" You called his attention. Damn him and his long legs.

"Huh?" He faced you, eyes twinkling.

"Um—I'll walk with you."

"You'll walk with me?" Jungkook reiterated your question while his nose scrunched adorably. He looked like an idiot sporting those wide doe eyes.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Yeah, you know...just in case you encounter those punks again."

Jungkook snorted at that, asking what you could do if ever that happened. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of you walking with him and you going back to the bar alone.

What if those punks ended up hurting you? Jungkook wasn't ready to be convicted of murder, but he'd definitely end up in prison if someone laid their hands on you.

"Don't worry about me. I know those people. We're pretty close. I grew up with them in the orphanage..." You said mindlessly.

Jungkook's jaw ticked. Right. Hoseok told him everything about you, except your name. Jungkook specifically wanted to hear it from you. Anyway, Hoseok said you were an orphan. Your parents abandoned you and you still hadn't seen them. Not even once.

You were alone.

"And I'm actually hoping to run into them. I need to kick their ass for hurting you." You joked hoping that it would somehow cut the thick layer of tension engulfing the two of you.

It worked. Jungkook smiled a little.

"Okay. I guess I'll be fine as long as you're by my side..."

Jungkook getting beaten up was like a wakeup call to you. It made you realize that life was short. Literally anything could happen right now and you wouldn't be able to control it.

Why waste time? Why ignored the person who made you happy?

"Try this." You grined cheekily at Jungkook as you placed the glass of chocolate margarita on the counter top.

This was an experiment on your part. Chocolate margaritas existed before, but you made your own version. You figured Jungkook would like it because he never said no when it came to chocolate.

As expected, he brought the glass to his lips while his eyes twinkled.

"It's so good!" Jungkook moaned, eliciting a chuckle from you. You told him to slow down because it still contained alcohol.

Jungkook didn't seem to mind though. He finished the drink immediately, chocolate syrup staining his lips.

"Wipe your mouth, you big baby!" You playfully threw a napkin on his face.

Jungkook obliged, asking this: "Can you make me another one? I want more. Please."

"Wait here." You said, grabbing your shaker and the bottle of chocolate syrup. You supposed you could add extra drizzle of syrup. Seokjin wasn't here. He couldn't scold you for pampering Jungkook a little too much.

Seokjin had been complaining these past few days. He's barely breaking even. The last thing he needed right now was Jungkook demanding extra cheese on his burger for free.

Jungkook didn't just order margarita. He also made sure to buy a burger. It's his only excuse so that he could hangout longer here. He wanted to be with you more.

He also arrived earlier than before. Jungkook was at the door at exactly 10:30pm. He would only leave when your shift ended. He'd always walk you to the bus station too.

It had been two weeks since your relationship had improved. You were still holding back though. You hadn't told him the truth; that you're the one who pretended to be Sooyoung. You hadn't even told him your name yet. You just told him he could call you Ms. Bartender.

"This is really good! Are you sure this is the first time you made this?" Jungkook said as he supped on his second glass of chocolate margarita.

You looked back at him while cleaning some bar utensils. As usual, it's just you and him. No other customers in sight.

"Maybe it's because you're doing something you love that's why you're so good at it." Jungkook said after you confirmed this was the first time you made chocolate margarita. Maybe he could request Seokjin to add this on the menu.

"But sometimes people don't really have a choice but to be good at something in order to survive." You retorted. Just like how good you were at tricking him.

Jungkook pouted his lips.

"Don't you like your job?"

"I do." You really did, but your dream was more than this. You wanted to be a bar owner. This was the main reason why you accepted the Jeons' offer in the first place.

But in the end, you chose not to accept the blank check. You couldn't do it. Your conscience wouldn't allow you to sleep.

The Jeons were very insistent though. They said it's the only thing they could do to pay you back for helping Jungkook.

"I'm happy I could help Jungkook, Mrs. Jeon. But I really can't accept the money. I'm sorry." You remembered saying this to Jungkook's mom.

Your one and only request to her was for your identity not to be revealed. You begged the Jeons not to say anything about you no matter what happened. You also said it didn’t matter if they made you look like a bad person to Jungkook. If that would help him move on from you, then it’s fine.

They complied. For five years, your life was quiet. However it didn't mean Jungkook would stop looking for you.

You were still unaware how he managed to find you. Did he have someone to help him? Was it Hoseok?

"You know, someone told me before to look at things from a different angle whenever I feel like I'm being burdened." Jungkook reminisced about what you told him five years ago. "A chore is only a chore if you think it that way."

You smiled at the memory too. Who would have thought that Jungkook took your advice seriously?

"That's a good way to look at things." You dried your hands. You're done cleaning. "Thank the person who said that for me."

For a moment, Jungkook didn't speak. He simply stared at you, trying to read your expression.

He guessed you're still not ready to admit the truth.

That's okay.

He could wait.

"I will..."

You understood Seokjin when he cried and told you he couldn't do business anymore.

He was tired.

He opened Déjà vu years ago, unfortunately he's still stuck in the same place. Seokjin regretted rushing into business. He literally knew nothing about the industry he chose.

"Sajangnim, I know we're desperate but what the fuck?" You widened your eyes at Seokjin as you asked him why in hell did he buy a grand piano, a drum set, and other instruments you doubted he knew the names.

"I'm trying to solve our problem!" He gaped at you, offended that you didn't like his idea.

You didn't. This was such a waste of money.

"It's not!" Your boss assured you. "People like music. I'm sure they'll crowd this place if they hear—"

You scoffed, refusing to let him explain any further.

"I hate to break it to you, Sajangnim, but you're not the pied piper that you think you are."

Seokjin gasped dramatically, annoyed that you didn't trust him.

"I know I'm not! That's why I'm going to invite a small band to play for us. I can pay them."

"Do you even know people who are in a band?" You folded your arms over your chest, challenging him.

However, you were surprised when his shoulders hunched, lips protruding.

"I was hoping you could help me with that..." He winced when you scoffed.

"I knew it!" And then you grumbled. This was the problem with Seokjin. "You didn't think this through." He was impulsive.

"I'm sorry, okay!?" But this was also the thing about him. He instantly accepted his mistakes. "Please help me. I can't do this without you..."

Seokjin pleaded, making you feel bad. You wanted to help your boss, but just like him, you didn't know what to do as well.

"Um—guys?" Jungkook interjected. "I heard you talking and I might have an idea..."

Seokjin's head snapped up and met the younger boy's gaze; he stared at Jungkook who was sitting on his usual spot with interest.

"Ah, Jungkookie! I know I can count on you! Please share with us your brilliant idea."

Jungkook didn't look confident, but he wanted to be helpful so he inhaled deeply, explaining that he used to play the piano in a band.

Bangtan. This was the name of their band. It consisted of three members: him, Taehyung who played the drums, and Jimin, their main vocalist and guitarist.

The three of them simply wanted to have fun. Admittedly, they disbanded right after graduating high school. Jungkook said he could still ask his bandmates to play at Seokjin's bar. Taehyung and Jimin would surely grab any opportunity to perform again.

"Are you sure, Jungkook-ah? Wouldn't it hinder your job?" Seokjin asked, worried.

Jungkook shook his head, saying that he didn't really have a 'job.' Jungkook inherited a lot of money from his parents. He utilized it from investing in the stock market and real estate. He also hired a financial manager who could help him.

Jungkook's money was more than enough to get him by until he died. On the other hand, Taehyung and Jimin were business owners as well. Jungkook was sure his best friends could squeeze in some time to perform.

"It's settled then. Thank you so much, Jungkook!" Seokjin shook the younger boy's hand. "Drinks on the house again. Order whatever you want."

Jungkook's ears perked up at that, smiling widely, he turned to you.

"Chocolate margarita please..."

You smiled at him too.

"Yeah. Coming right up."

It worked.

You couldn't believe it really worked.

"Last song for the night is our version of Unwell by Matchbox Twenty." Jimin was charming. He said these simple words but the people in this bar were already going crazy.

The power he held was insane. Jungkook and his bandmates were the sole reason why people flocked to Seokjin's bar.

It's amazing, really. In just a week, you had managed to accumulate Déjà vu's annual profit.

Gone were the days when you'd just stare at the door and wait for customers to miraculously come in. These days, you weren't even able to breathe.

Everyone was busy in this bar. There were always drinks to make, burgers to fry, and tables to clean. Seokjin had to hire more workers because of this.

"My back hurts." Yeonjun, your new co-worker, complained. He had been waiting tables for more than twelve hours already. He's spent.

"It's okay, Yeonjun. You can go home. I'll manage." You tapped your co-worker's shoulder. You honestly felt bad for him. Yeonjun worked hard just to pay for his tuition fee.

"Are you sure, noona?" Yeonjun yawned. He could barely keep his eyes open.

It's three thirty am.

“Yes.”

"Thanks. See you later, noona." Yeonjun left at once. He's scared you'd change your mind.

You wouldn't. You knew what he was going through. Besides, Jungkook was here to help you.

"Seokjin-hyung isn't paying me enough to do this shit." Jungkook complained even though he didn't mind working for your boss at all. He just despised seeing the tired look on your face. Like Yeonjun, you're working overtime too.

"I'll scold him later. Just help me now, Jungkook. I'll treat you a cup of ramen after this."

"Deal." Jungkook beamed, snatching the sponge from your hands. "Go rest on the couch. I'll finish washing the dishes here."

You didn't argue. Yawning, you plopped down on the couch. You took a nap while Jungkook cleaned up.

He didn't want to wake you up, however he knew you'd end up having a stiff neck if you slept on that God forsaken couch.

"Let's get you home..." Jungkook offered his hand, helping you stand up.

You took it but you shook your head.

"Later. We need to eat first. I promised to treat you, right?" Jungkook's too hungry to protest so he let you be.

You two went to a convenience store nearby. You brought some cup noodles while Jungkook looked for a table.

"You like your noodles like this, right?" You grinned at Jungkook as you placed the ready to eat noodles in front of him. It's fresh from the microwave.

Jungkook liked spicy noodles. You also brought some cheese and added it to his noodles.

You weren't sure how many Mrs. Jeon caught you and her son midnight snacking on spicy ramen before.

Ah. Memories.

"Yes!" Jungkook's love for noodles was apparent by the sparks in his eyes.

You chuckled. He was so adorable.

Jungkook finished his food in a few minutes. You asked if he wanted more but he simply shook his head, smiling at you.

He was content. He had the chance to eat his favorite food while spending time with you.

He couldn't ask for more.

"I'm full. Thanks, jagiya..." He said before leaning his head on your shoulder.

He closed his eyes and breathed you in.

What a happy night.

Jagiya.

Jungkook called you jagiya.

"Are you okay, noona?" Yeonjun didn't have a choice but to snap his fingers to bring you back to reality.

You're spacing out.

"Yeah." You blinked, flinching.

Yeonjun scratched the back of his head, sheepishly saying that you guys didn't have time to space out.

It was another hectic night at Déjà vu.

"I know. I'm sorry." You smiled apologetically and got back to work at once.

Damn Jungkook for distracting you. It had been hours since Jungkook called you jagiya. You didn't comment on it and neither did he. It seemed like a slip of the tongue anyway.

Still, you couldn't help but overthink.

Did he know about you? You hadn't exactly asked him that. You hadn't confessed too. You knew you should, especially now that the two of you were already friends.

Your relationship wouldn't progress if you were keeping a secret from him. Jungkook deserved to know the truth, right?

Besides, you were tired—tired from the secrets and guilt poking your shoulders from time to time.

"I need a drink." Taehyung randomly approached you. He was leaning on the bar counter and staring at you. The look on his eyes was intense.

"O-Oh. Okay. What would you like?" You stammered.

You hadn't talked to Taehyung that much. You were scared he'd tell his best friend about your identity, luckily he didn't.

Jimin kept his mouth shut too. You only met them once anyway. Maybe they forgot about you?

Whatever the reason was, you're just glad they didn't seem to despise you. They treated you the same way they treated Seokjin and your other co-workers, although...Taehyung's gaze was always intense, like he was waiting for you to mess up.

"Gibson and for you to sing."

"What?" Your eyes darted to him.

Taehyung's jaw clenched, his eyes turning dark as he said, "We need a vocalist. Jimin's voice is strained and the boss said you could sing."

The way he's looking at you made you feel like you didn't have a choice. Your legs trembled, too afraid to piss him off.

Damn it. Why didn't you object when Jungkook proposed to let Jimin and Taehyung perform at Déjà vu?

You basically dug your own grave. You're that stupid.

"Okay."

You made his drink and after that, you followed him on the stage. Jimin and Jungkook didn't have any idea that Taehyung forced you to do this.

Taehyung simply said he'd find someone who could sing. The bandmates didn't realize Taehyung was talking about you.

"We'll be performing three songs tonight. I'm sorry." Jungkook smiled apologetically at you.

You brushed it off, lying that it's fine.

It wasn't. What if you fucked up?

"Just three songs, Ms. Bartender. We're really sorry. I can't sing tonight." Jimin apologized too. He's just going to play the guitar tonight.

"Don't worry about it." You grinned at Jimin and then you asked them what songs you're going to perform.

"Never Be Alone, Electric Love, and Kiss Me..."

"Kiss Me?" You choked. Shit. Did they mean Kiss Me by...

"Ed Sheeran." Jimin confirmed your fear.

You didn't have time to react because Taehyung was already talking to the crowd, saying that they're sorry Jimin couldn't sing tonight.

"Hey..." Jungkook gently grabbed your shoulders while Taehyung spoke. He realized that you're nervous.

"Don't worry too much, okay? I can sing too. I'll duet with you."

It was a bad idea but it's too late to back out now. Everyone was waiting, even Seokjin. He's the loudest one in the crowd.

Fuck it. You said to yourself as the band started playing. Seokjin also bought a small monitor where the lyrics of the song appeared.

You didn't have a hard time singing since you knew these songs by heart, especially the last song you're gonna perform.

"Our last performance is Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran." Taehyung announced, making the people cooed.

It was such a sweet song for them. But for you? It was bittersweet. It reminded you of your last moment with Jungkook, the time when you kissed his eyes—the time when he couldn't see.

Right now, however, he could. He was actually staring at you as you sang. You both agreed to duet on the bridge part.

It was the most emotional part, you two were almost screaming at each other as a way to express the song.

It made your heart recoiled.

"Yeah I've been feeling everything—"

The song was the perfect way to describe what he was feeling starting from five years ago:

"From hate to love—"

It started from hate, Jungkook thought he hated you when he found out you're nothing but a fraud.

He blamed the whole world. He blamed his family. He blamed himself. Hell, he even blamed Sooyoung.

But as time passed by, Jungkook came to know that he didn't really hate you.

Maybe he loved you.

You took care of him, you were patient, and you tried to understand the pain he was going through.

"From love to lust—"

It changed though. Deep inside, he was haunted by your fraudulent actions. He realized he couldn't possibly love someone who he hadn't seen, who he didn't know.

Lust was all he could think about. He was in denial. He felt like the longing was actually lust. He craved you but he didn't love you.

"From lust to truth—"

But who was he kidding? He didn't know anything—not until he knew your version of the truth.

"I guess that's how I know you..."

He had to see for himself. He got to know you from hate to love, from love to lust, and from lust to truth.

This time, he wanted to know his version of truth.

That's why he stayed with you, that's why he chose to give you a chance. He wanted to get to know the real you.

Jungkook realized you're still holding something back, but your actions were almost similar to how you acted around him before.

"This feels like falling in love. We're falling in love..." The song ended with you and Jungkook still staring at each other.

You ignored the loud cheer of the crowd because all you could hear was the beating of your heart.

"See you later, noona. Just tell Jungkook-hyung I already left." For the second time around, you let Yeonjun off the hook.

He was tired and he still had classes tomorrow so you figured it's best to send him home. Again, you didn't mind cleaning up on your own.

The fact that Jungkook was here already comforted you. However, he wasn't helping you close up. Jungkook looked like he was still high from the performance four hours ago. He was still seated in front of the grand piano, just randomly playing songs that came in his mind.

"You ready to go?" You asked Jungkook after you're done cleaning. All of your co-workers, including your boss, left.

It's just you and Jungkook in here.

"Hmm," Jungkook hummed in response, lost in the music.

A smile bloomed on your face. He looked so peaceful like this; his hands were gracefully hitting the keys while his tantalizing eyes bore into you.

"Would you ever teach me how to play?" You enquired.

Jungkook hummed again, pleased to hear you ask that.

"I can do it now." The way he spread his leg and patted his thigh reminded you of the time when you visited him in his studio five years ago.

Almost everything you felt that day, you felt now too. You guessed you're just more nervous and less bold than before.

"Come here..." He urged you like the last time. He was licking his lower lip, hooded eyes making you shiver.

Shit.

Jungkook was more dangerous now that he could see.

"Hmm," he hummed again, his hands engulfing around your waist as you sat on his lap.

"Hands on the keys, jagiya."

Your breathing hitched at the endearment. He reached for your hands and he placed it on top of the keys himself.

You were trembling. You could feel his hot breath on your nape and shoulder.

Jungkook wasn't teaching you to play the piano. He just placed his hands on the back of your hands, dragging them to hit the keys.

You recognized the song he was playing. It's Inside Out. Jungkook started whispering the lyrics of the song in your ear, his lips gently biting your earlobe.

"Jungkook." You said his name and it's like music to his ears.

"What do you want, jagiya?" He enquired but his mouth was already busy doing its own thing. He kissed your shoulder going to your back.

You already changed into a black dress. This was the same dress you wore while performing. Thank heavens you had this in your locker. However you weren't sure if it was a good idea to wear this tonight.

The dress had a zipper down the back. Jungkook was actually playing with the zipper using his teeth.

"Jungkook." You should be stopping him instead of continuously murmuring his name as he dragged the zipper down. He was still using his teeth.

But you didn't. The voice inside your head was telling you to let him ruin you. It's funny actually. You couldn't believe that after teaming up with the voice inside your head for years, your relationship would still end up with betrayal.

The voice betrayed you. It was teaming up with the selfish part of you again.

It feels good. Don't stop him.

"I missed this." Your back was fully exposed now. Jungkook's dick twitched upon catching a glimpse of your underwear.

"I waited five years for this." He peppered kisses on your back. "Five years..."

Jungkook stopped playing the piano. His hands pulled down the dress and unclasped your brassiere to totally expose your body. He threw your clothes on the floor, excpet your panties.

You gasped.

"I looked for you all over the world, only to realize you're just here. In fucking Seoul."

He bit your shoulders and slapped your tits, making you yelp. But he massaged them at once, chuckling at the sound of your cries.

You deserved more punishment. Who would have thought you're in Seoul? Jungkook believed you ran very far away from him.

That's actually your original plan, but you figured no one would look for you in the same city where you committed your sins.

You're reminded of your sins.

"Jungkook..." You whined, trying to push his hands squeezing your breasts. "W-We can't..."

You had done a lot of bad things to Jungkook. Enjoying his touch was unfair. You couldn't. It's wrong, although Jungkook believed otherwise.

"Why not? We've done this before, right? It didn't stop you from grinding on my cock even though you know you're not the person I thought you were."

His voice was like a knife stabbing through your heart. His words were like poison, making you weak until you could no longer breathe.

His touches, however, were what's going to bring you back to life. Jungkook continued to touch you everywhere, a smirk was plastered on his lips because it was obvious you're so turned on right now. Arousal was dripping down your lace panties.

Jungkook let out an animalistic groan, his hand travelling to cup your clothed heat.

"Oh, jagi...you're soaked..."

"J-Jungkook..." You liked the feeling of his fingers brushing against your cunt. Jungkook dragged his lips on your exposed collarbones. His fingers were playing with your drenched folds.

"Hmm, you like that, jagi?" He cooed, heart swelling with pride because of the pleasure he elicited from you.

You could only pathetically utter his name. You felt weak in the knees already.

"You should answer when I'm talking to you," he growled, slapping your clit violently.

"M'sorry," you mewled, gripping the hem of Jungkook's shirt into a ball.

"Oh, so my baby is sorry?" He cackled, derision lacing his tone. "For what? For pretending to be my wife? For making a fool out of me? Or for leaving when I needed you the most?"

Your response was a moan. It made Jungkook angrier and hornier as he dragged his fingers through your folds, collecting your pooled-up wetness in his fingers.

"You're so hungry for me you don't even care that I know your secret?" Jungkook grunted, making sure to run his tongue down your spinal cord as he cursed under his breath.

You chose not to speak even when your stomach was twisting because of embarrassment and guilt. Was there something you could say that would make him feel better?

None, right? Saying sorry wouldn't change the fact that you had tricked him.

Jungkook hated your silence though. He roughly pushed your back, your forehead hitting the piano keys which produced an ear-shattering sound.

"Don't move." Jungkook ordered. He abruptly stood up, causing you to lose your balance.

Jungkook pushed the chair away, leaving you in a very awkward position. You were bending forward. Your forehead was still resting against the piano keys.

He ripped off your underwear.

Jungkook sucked in a breath, your ass was up in the air, cunt on full display. You looked so delicious like this, so ready to take him. He ran his tongue through your nape down to the back of your hip and then he spanked your ass.

You cried in pain as Jungkook got down on his knees. He liked the view of your cunt here more. He once again smacked your ass before massaging it.

"J-Jungkook...please eat my pussy." You didn't know where the request came from. You just claimed that you're less bold now. How the fuck did you manage to utter such filthy words?

Jungkook liked it. Your request made his dick twitched in his pants.

"Yeah? You want me to stretch you out? Eat your pussy so good till you're squirting on my face?"

Fuck. That sounded so good, both for you and Jungkook, but the latter was a bit skeptical.

"Do you deserve it, though? Do you deserve to feel good after everything you've put me through?" He snarled, but God he's so, so tempted to touch your pussy.

He gave into the temptation. Without a warning, he stuck a finger in your hole.

You whined in pleasure. More. You needed more.

"Do you have any idea how it feels to know that everything you've come to love turns out to be fake? Do you know how painful it is to know that your wife is dead? And your pretend wife left?"

The frustration was coming back to Jungkook. He inserted another finger in your pussy, pumping so hard it hurt.

Jungkook cursed.

"Ah, fuck." And then bit the inside of his cheek, his sultry gaze was directed at your cunt, watching it clench. "Your pussy lips look so puffy. I can't fucking wait to taste you."

Jungkook dove right in. He's clearly torn between punishing you and making you feel good.

He's good at both because now, you were sobbing as you rocked your hips, suffocating him with your dripping sex.

Jungkook licked a strip up your cunt ever so slowly, gathering your arousal in his tongue. You tasted better than he remembered.

"Want your fingers..." You choked back a sob. You were greedy. His tongue wasn't enough for you, but Jungkook's hands were busy unbuckling his belt and pulling down his jeans.

He stroked his fat cock.

"You asked for it," He couldn't deny you though, so he ran his tongue through your folds, slightly biting your pussy lips and then he inserted two fingers in your hole.

You screamed in pleasure. His fingers were hitting your cervix.

"You're making such a mess, baby," Jungkook chuckled, feeling your cum hit his face and shirt. You squirted and he loved it.

It's too good, better than his imagination actually. Jungkook wasn't even embarrassed to admit that he jacked off at the thought of you.

Your face was always blurred in his dreams though. Jungkook couldn't believe he survived five years just by playing the sound of your voice in his head and imagining the feel of your hands on his cock.

Jungkook stood up, his dick slapping his stomach. He needed to feel you.

"Did you miss this, baby?" He stroked his cock, slapping his length against the soft plush of your ass.

You started grinding. Jungkook's dick was so hard. You bet it'd feel good inside of you.

You voiced it out.

"Jungkook, I need you to fuck me." Need not just want. You felt so empty without him and this was the only way you could think of to make up for all the pain you caused him.

You wished filling you could fill the hole in his heart. He made you whole after all. Here's to hoping you could do the same thing to him.

"You want me to fill you up?" Jungkook cooed, his dick getting harder. He hadn't fucked you before. It's always just oral sex, the thought of finally feeling you whole made his heart swelled with different emotions.

"Fuck. I should've done it before..." He groaned, rubbing his length against your asshole before slowly dragging it down to your folds. "I should've fucked you, I should've fucked a baby in you so you wouldn't have a choice but to stay with me."

Your head was spinning because of the words exiting his mouth. But not in a bad way. You liked it.

"You want that, jagi? You want to carry my baby?” He grunted. “Because I do. I wanna see you grow big and tell the whole world you're mine." He rubbed the tip of his cock on your clit before finally filling you.

You yelped. Bloody hell. He's so fucking big.

"Is this okay," Jungkook paused for a while. He wanted to fill you fully but he didn't want to hurt you.

"I'm okay," beads of sweat formed on your forehead. "I can take it."

"You sure?" Jungkook started kissing your nape.

"Yes. Move, Jungkook. Please."

He obliged, sinking his cock deeper. He rubbed circles on your clit. Jungkook's precum was licking, causing you to get even wetter.

The piano was still producing that ear-shattering sound because of how rough Jungkook was fucking you.

You couldn't stop whining and moaning. So good.

"You fuck me so w-well—oh."

Jungkook hit your g-spot. You were seeing white, your legs shaking. You kept clenching his cock but you still came undone before him.

You could feel him slowing down.

"D-Don't stop..." You urged him to continue. "You can use me, Kookie..." Your statement only drove him crazy.

He abruptly pulled out, turning your body around so that he could see your face. Jungkook then dug his hands into your hips, carrying you and dropping you to sit on the larger lid of the piano.

Your cum dripped down. Jungkook pushed it back inside your pussy using his cock while you wrapped your legs around his waist.

"Call me Kookie again. Please." He rasped. Jungkook looked like the man you knew.

The man who would do anything you want, the boy who would pout when he's throwing a tantrum. As of this moment, you felt like he was your Kookie.

Jungkook felt like crying. He had demanded other women to call him that, testing if they sounded like you.

He's disappointed every time. But now? His dream was coming true. He couldn't believe he was hearing that nickname from the right person.

"Can I cum inside?" Jungkook was close. He was pleading, tears threatening to fall. He didn't know why he suddenly felt emotional. Perhaps it's the way you murmur his nickname, so sweet and so gentle.

"Yes, Kookie. You can..." You pushed his hair back and kissed him hard.

Jungkook responded by deepening the kiss. Few more thrusts and then he reached his high. He immediately buried his face in your neck.

You both remained quiet, allowing yourselves to breathe first.

You broke the silence after a short while. You broke it by whispering your name in his ears.

It's like a trigger.

A trigger that caused his tears to roll down his cheeks.

Jungkook sobbed, his heart recoiling.

You said it. You said your name. You finally trusted him enough to tell him your name.

Jungkook sobbed again. His face was still buried in your neck. Your tears fell too.

Jungkook kept repeating your name while crying. He liked it. He liked it so much.

He repeated it a hundred times over before kissing you on the mouth.

- ONE MONTH LATER -

"She doesn't really like flowers." Jungkook bit his nails as he watched you pick up a bouquet of white roses.

You winced at him.

"But we can't visit her empty handed, Kookie."

He wanted to say we could. The first time Jungkook visited her grave, all he brought was his remorseful self and his tears watering her headstone.

Jungkook couldn't forget that time. It was the same day he found out you were gone and Sooyoung's dead.

He was so torn. He remembered choosing between running to find you and clasping his hand together as he begged Sooyoung's spirit to forgive him.

He also remembered choosing the latter option. He was too guilty. Someone died because of him—his wife died because of him.

Maybe losing you and her was his punishment. Jungkook didn't deserve to be with someone. He didn't deserve to be happy. What he deserved was to suffer alone.

But you were here now.

You broke his curse.

You wanted to be with him. You wanted to help him heal properly.

There were still many mistakes to be fixed, sins to be atoned, but one thing's for sure: he wasn't alone.

"I think she can tolerate this." Jungkook's hand moved on its own accord. He picked up a bouquet of lilies.

Your scowl turned into a smile. Beaming, you told the seller you'd buy the bouquet Jungkook was cradling in his arms.

Jungkook asked you to hold the bouquet for him because he couldn't possibly drive his motorcycle while holding it.

You nodded and hopped on his bike. The ride to the cemetery was just a few minutes. It also took Jungkook a few moments before his tears trickled down his face.

Visiting Sooyoung's grave was similar to the feeling he had when he first found out she was dead. It still hurt like hell.

Admittedly, Jungkook rarely visited here. It's just his fifth time actually. He only went here once a year since he couldn't handle the reality reminding him that his beloved wife was dead.

"I saw her in my dream last night..." Jungkook opened up while you were patting his shoulders.

"Yeah?"

Jungkook nodded. It's the reason why he asked if you could go with him today here at the cemetery. He wanted to see her.

"She smiled brightly at me." He wasn't lying or wasn't trying to make himself feel better. He knew he fucked up. But was it wrong to think that she had somehow forgiven him?

For five years, Jungkook was haunted by his nightmare. Sooyoung would always appear in his unconscious state, like she was being consumed by darkness.

But last night was different. There's no shadow. It's just Sooyoung and her beautiful smile—the same smile that captured his heart.

Looking back, Sooyoung wasn't really as bad as what Jungkook's family made her appear. It just so happened that she lived a tough life, the kind of life that Jungkook couldn't live.

"I can't say that she forgave you, Kookie. Because I'm not her and who knows? Maybe she's never mad at you." You shrugged. "She could also be raging while watching us right now."

You laughed a little at that. Jungkook shivered. It scared him.

"Look...the point is that we'll never know. Perhaps your dream doesn't have anything to do with her at all. Maybe it's just your mind and soul’s way of telling you it's okay to move on..."

You explained to him your point. It didn't mean that he had to forget about the tragedy, but he should at least move on and try his damn best not to repeat that mistake ever again.

"Thanks, jagi." Jungkook wasn't sure what else to say so he simply thanked you and put his hand on your shoulder.

You leaned against him, resting your head on his chest.

So many thoughts were running inside Jungkook's head right now. Could he do it? Could he move forward? Could he forgive himself?

He was also thinking why this cruel thing happened to him in the first place. What was the universe trying to prove? Did it hate him? For being a brat? For not being appreciative enough? For turning his back on his family?

Was there a deeper reason why this happened? Or was it the universe's way of telling him that maybe, he and Sooyoung weren't meant to be—at least not in this lifetime...in their next life maybe they could try again.

But right now, you’re everything he had.

You and him were destined to be together in this life and to be honest, he wouldn't mind if this current lifetime would go on forever and ever.

Jungkook was happy to have you.

 this fic is a PAIN IN THE ASS to write. seriously. it took me so long! I can’t even look at this one more time. Mental breakdown is real. Please give me love (in the form of feedback) if you can. Thank you!

more JJK fics written by me:

EUPHORIA | MAGIC SHOP | YOUR EYES TELL or check MASTERLIST

#jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #ficswithluv #jungkook x reader #jungkook roommate au #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #husband jungkook #blind jungkook #jungkook strangers to lovers #armywriterssupport

[definitelyseven]

deal | seventeen - final

summary: when your step-mom unexpectedly offers you a deal you can’t resist, you decide to give her a taste of her own medicine by seducing her potential suitor, Im Jaebum.

one (m) | two | three (m) | four (m) | five | six (m) | seven | eight (m) | nine | ten | eleven | twelve (m) | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen |

“H-how could you?” you whimpered with tears in your eyes as you opened the door. Kai stares blankly at you, in shock.

“You didn’t think I was going to let Y/N marry you without a background check, did you?” Jaebum asked rhetorically.

“Y/N, I can explain. Please,” Kai begged, making his way to you. You shake your head at him as he grabs for your arm.

“Don’t,” you said through your teeth but he doesn’t listen and reaches for you again. “Don’t fucking touch me!” you screamed at him. “Did you always know about the money?”

He doesn’t respond.  

You chuckled in disbelief, “How long? Answer me!”

“The whole time,” he confessed.

“Did you ever love me?” you asked as tears kept falling from your eyes. “Or did you love my money?”

“Of course I love you!” he tells you. “Y/N, please.”

“So what? You want me to sleep with him to benefit your career? Is that what you think of me?” you continued to sob.

“He said just one night.”

You were never a violent person but you couldn’t control your anger anymore. You raised your hand and slapped him across the face.

“How could you?”

Kai runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek, scoffing at you. “Don’t play me Y/N. How is it that the richest businessman in Seoul willing to do anything you ask? You and I both know your relationship isn’t that simple.”

“It’s not like that,” you tried to explain. “I left him.”

“I WAS YOUR BUOY! You were dying and I saved you,” he shouted at you. "I saved you from drowning,” he said with tears in your eyes. 

“That’s not true,” you tried to convince yourself. “That’s not true,” you repeated. 

“It wasn’t always like this, you know?” Kai said. “I loved you since the day I laid eyes on you. Believe it or not, I already loved you on our third date when Eunbi saw me with you.”

”You were never my buoy.” It was like every time you spoke, you were trying to convince yourself he was wrong. 

But you knew he was right. 

He was your buoy and he saved you from drowning. He was the one that was there for you when you needed someone the most. 

“Enough. Get out,” Jaebum steps in. “I am perfectly fine with my own insurance agent.”

“We had a deal!”

“So what? Piss me off some more and I’ll make sure you’ll never make another deal again,” he threatened. “You should know I’m a very powerful man.”

Kai shakes his head in disbelief before turning to you. “And you expect me to believe there’s nothing going on between you two?” He rolls his eyes at you before gathering his things. “I’ll be gone by morning,” he said before leaving. 

“Now you know what kind of man he is. Don’t waste your time on him anymore,” he whispers as he strokes your head.

“W-why?” you sobbed, turning to face him. “Why did you have to expose him? Why did you have to tell me? I was happy...” you cried as you gripped onto his suite. Your knees felt weak and you could no longer hold yourself up. You fall to the ground.

“I was trying to protect you,” he said.

“Protect me? All you’ve been doing is hurt me,” you sobbed.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he explains.

You scoffed at him, “Imagined if you tried.”

“I never said I was a good person but everything I’ve done for you was in your best interest,” he said. He strokes his thumb across your cheek. “I need you to believe me once more. Just like how I believed you when you said falling in love with me was never part of the deal.”

You looked up at him, tears still clouding in your eyes. "Do you know how hard it was for me to get over you?”

“Are you over me?” Jaebum asks. He picks you up from the ground and brings you over to the couch. He sits down next to you, “Are you?”

“Yes,” you lied, covering your face in your hands. Maybe it was unfair of you to be mad at Kai. He wasn’t entirely wrong. You did use him as a buoy to get over Jaebum and he stood by your side when you were broken.

“I know you hate me for what I did two years ago - for picking her; choosing her but I had too. I wasn’t just thinking about myself. I had to think about my company, the thing my father spent his entire life building. I couldn’t disappoint my family.”

“Please don’t explain,” you begged. Your heart ached with his every word.

“I did what I thought was the best way for you to get back your $20 million dollars. I’ve known Eunbi my entire life. I know her and I know she took your inheritance. I know she took your money and there was no way you would ever get it back. It was the only way I knew how to give it back,” he continued to explain. You looked at him. “You don’t think I could find you if I wanted to?”

He was right. You never left Seoul. If he wanted to, he could easily find you. “Please stop explaining,” you begged him.

“You have to believe me -”

“I do believe you,” you interrupted. “I believe you, Jae.” 

He lets out a sigh of relief. “I never stopped thinking about you,” he confessed. He grabs your hand in his. “I missed you so much.” You quickly pulled your hand away. He was still a married man. “What’s wrong?”

“Just because I believe you, it doesn’t mean we can go back to how we were. You’re still married,” you reminded him. 

“We don’t love each other. She lives her life as she wants and I live mine as I want,” he explained. “It’s all for publicity.”

You shake your head, moving away from him. “It doesn’t matter. She’s still your wife. She’s still the person you’ll link arms with in public. I don’t want to be the other woman,” you tell him. “I’m not the other women.”

“You’re not the other women.”

“Can you walk out in public with me? Are you able to break ties with Eunbi and never see her again?” you asked him. 

Jaebum remains quiet. 

“You and I both know you can’t do that - you won’t do that.” You wiped the tears off your cheeks before standing up. “I appreciate you helping me see what kind of person Kai is and helping me get my inheritance back. I miss Minguk too but I can never be with you again.”

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t want to see me ever again.”

You sighed, reaching over to stroke his cheek. “I do love you. I will always love you,” you admitted. You watched as his eyes sparkle in happiness. “And that’s exactly why we can’t be together, why I have to leave you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Just because you love someone it doesn’t mean you get to end up with them,” you explained. You could tell he was still confused. “Sometimes things aren’t meant to be,” you paused. “We’re not meant to be.”

“All this time, I was trying to protect you. I was on your side.”

“But if you had the option to chose again, it will be her. It will always be her!” you exclaimed, eyes clouding with tears again. “You will always chose her.”

Jaebum remained silent because he knew it was true too. 

“Now you know why we can’t be together. My heart won’t be able to take another heartbreak. I think it will actually kill me,” you tell him. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” you tell him before standing up. You grabbed your things quietly before leaving. 

Just as you expected, by the time you got home, Kai was already gone. Everything that belonged to him was gone. You couldn’t believe the person you spent two years of your life with, can easily pack all their things and leave; as if they never existed in your life. 

But you were just about to do the same. If you stayed any longer, you knew you would change your mind. And this was a decision you couldn’t go back on. This was the only way to save yourself - without anyone else’s help. You need to move on. You need to find someone that will pick you 30, 40, 50 years from now; you need to find someone that will pick you every time.

Jaebum wasn’t that person. He was never going to be that person.

a little note from jennie: i was going back and forth on whether they would end up together but you can’t always have a happy ending and you don’t always get to end up with the person you love. sorry if you expected something different. hope you enjoyed this series. love you all to the moon and back. please listen to Jay B’s new song - switch it up :)

#got7 #got7 angst #got7 imagine #got7 scenarios #got7 smut #got7 fluff #got7 fanfic #got7 au #got7 forever #got7 jaebum #im jaebum #got7 jinyoung #park jinyoung #got7 mark #mark tuan #got7 jayb #got7 jackson #jackson wang #got7 youngjae #choi youngjae #got7 bambam #bambam #got7 yugyeom #kim yugyeom #ahgase #igot7 #igot7withgot7 #kpop got7 #kpop fanfic #definitelyseven

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Seventeen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows

TW: discussion of SA

***

Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.

Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.

“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”

“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”

“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.

Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”

“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”

Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.

Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”

“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”

Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.

Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.

“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”

Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”

“For what?”

“This conversation.”

Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”

The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”

She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”

Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.

“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.

“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”

Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”

“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”

“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”

“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.

Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”

Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.

“On New Year’s.”

“And you turned it down?”

“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.

“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.

“The movie?”

“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”

Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”

She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”

Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.

“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”

She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”

“Of course I said no because of you.”

“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”

“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”

“You sound codependent,” she retorts.

He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”

He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.

“Why not?” he demands.

“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”

“Again: why the fuck not?”

So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”

Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”

“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.

“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”

“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”

“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.

“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.

“How so?” she challenges.

“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”

Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.

“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”

“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”

“I do not,” Nesta defends.

“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”

Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?

“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.

“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.

She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”

That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”

“Forever.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.

He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”

Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”

“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”

The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.

“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”

A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.

“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”

When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”

She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”

Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”

Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”

“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”

She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.

“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”

“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.

“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”

Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”

“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”

“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”

***

Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.

Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.

Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”

“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”

“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.

“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”

“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.

“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”

“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.

“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.

Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.

“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.

“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.

Gwyn pales.

“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.

“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”

Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”

She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.

Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”

“But I didn’t do anything—”

She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”

“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”

“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.

Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”

Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”

Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”

“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.

Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.

“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”

But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.

Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”

Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”

“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”

Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”

“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.

***

They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.

Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”

“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.

Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.

Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.

Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”

“Why?” Nesta says.

“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”

“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”

Nesta doesn’t give her form back.

“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”

“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.

Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.

Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”

Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”

“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.

She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.

“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.

But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.

“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.

“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.

“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.

Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”

“But I’m not done yet—”

“Now.”

“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.

Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.

Gwyn makes a face at her back.

“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.

“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.

Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”

She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.

“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”

“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”

Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?

At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”

“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”

Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”

“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.

But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.

During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.

“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”

Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”

“Just not today?”

Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”

Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.

After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”

Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”

Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.

Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.

Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”

Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”

“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”

The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.

Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.

“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”

Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”

“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”

Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”

Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”

Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”

“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”

“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”

“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”

Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.

“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.

“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”

They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.

Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.

Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”

“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.

“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.

“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”

“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”

“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”

Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.

“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can’t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.

That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.

***

a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #ncssianwrites #a favor #nessian fic #nessian au

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

[shokobuns]

“still?” - 21. epilogue: happy birthday, rin!

word count: 0.5k

warnings: suggested sex, cussing, atsumu getting slapped

“tsumu, get your damn ass behind the fucking couch, NOW!”

“bold of you to assume the couch can cover my juicy voluminous dumptruck ass!”

“you’re fucking annoying! osamu’s gonna be here with him any minute!”

you nudge kiyoomi who proceeds to force atsumu’s body downwards and he falls to the ground with a loud thud. your mouth opens in shock and atsumu groans at the pain, you giggle, almost dropping the cake in your hands. “that’s what happens when you don’t fucking listen!”

“suck my dick!”

“no thank you.” kita replies instantly.

you turn to your old captain, giving him a thumbs up and he smiles back. all of you were in the dark, anticipating the click of the lock that signified that your boyfriend was home. voices, one of them definitely being osamu, could be heard outside and it made you both nervous and excited at the same time.

click.

“happy birthday!”

everyone jumped up, the cake in your hands being held tight, streamers popping from every direction, sakusa unenthusiastically holding a bottle of liquor, komori with a party hat that barely fit his head. kita held a lighter to the candle of the cake while everyone sang in their own spots, with the exception of you cautiously walking towards suna.

he looked at you with a twinkle in his eye and a smile that contrasted his usual disinterested expression, making your face flush. with a final happy birthday, he blew out the candles before cupping your cheeks and catching your lips in a deep kiss.

“suna, you’re gonna make her drop the fucking cake!” osamu yelled, immediately taking the platter away from you and setting it on the table.

“am i not allowed to kiss my girlfriend on my birthday?” he joked, pulling you close to his chest.

“you mean our girlfriend?” atsumu teased, earning a slap on the back of the head from sakusa and another from aran. the rest of the jackadlers shrank.

“don’t even joke about that. now where’s my boyfriend?”

“here” kenma raised his hand, “i left you a little gift in your room.”

“thanks, bro.”

“no problem.

the atmosphere was overall comfortable, everyone already tipsy or chomping down on the food osamu had brought. you sat on the couch on suna’s lap with his arms wrapped around you, his lips pressing small kisses to the sides of your face from time to time as aran recalled the supply closet incident. while the sounds of different conversations filled the room, he leaned in close to your ear, “so are you gonna give me my real birthday present later?”

“what ever are you talking about, my dear boyfriend? premarital sex is not allowed in this christian household.” you reply sarcastically, pecking his cheek.

“so i guess i have to marry you at some point, then?”

“rin what-”

“you heard me.”

“you can’t just say stuff like that if you’re not serious-”

“i’m serious.”

you felt like you were seventeen again, your heartbeat quickening and palms getting sweaty. “you really want to marry me someday?” you ask, a grin plastered on your face.

“why wouldn’t i?”

TAGLIST: @etherealiwa​ @kac-chowsballs​ @volleybloop​ @sinshinx @xxsuu​ @pieckiya​ @anngelllla​ @kenssister​ @humanitysvertigo​ @6sakusa​ @waywardcowboyllamavoid​ @tchalameme​ @honeydrip​ @s0utien​ @afuckingunicornn​ @r1ntar0u @kotwd​ @sirachano0dles​ @shrimpypenis​ @helloalex80​ @ladymartiini​ @himbokutoes​ @tsukkiswifeey​ @sunakissses​ @siv-creates​ @luvemme​ @bap-kingdom​ @frozenovernoya @normalisthenewnorm​ @ems1des​ @iwaisa​ @bap-kingdom​ @luvemme​ @kaashikoi​ @gautier-lei​ @muchlovebonez​ @heyatsumu​ @setterspirit​ @erens-piss-cleaner​ @kashxyou​ @sry-bby​ @httppbaby​ @kodzuklutz​ @sheireenyx​ @tsukkisfatsimp​ @lovinnoya​ @hi-im-a-bat​ @satorisflatass​ @riceballsandanime​ @j0ypin​ @bubbly-arianaa​ @fi-chanwrites​ @darlingkuroo​ @bakugouswh0r3​ @pandauniverse @yamayoomi​ @satorisflatass​ @ssunasimpp​ @shouyouorange​ @marissaraeblr​ @ms-hope​ @bunny-on-crack​

#suna rintarou smau #rintarou suna smau #suna rintarou x reader #rintarou suna x reader #suna rintarou x you #rintarou suna x y/n

[petesvodka]

sick and tired

word count - 700

warnings - jus' general 15+ i think

a.n. - im kind of losing my shit, but it's alright. all is well

my requests are open, if you've got any interesting ideas you'd like to see further elaborated on :)

.`

He digs a dark hoodie out from underneath his blankets, bleary-eyed and drunkenly warm. His dark hair sticks up from the side of his head as he brushes his teeth, considers eating breakfast, only to fall back into his old black car.

Pete is tired. Tired, and sick, and lost, and angry and sad and bored and stressed and anxious and just so goddamn lonely.

Another day in the halls of a building he’s never felt quite comfortable in. Fall hints and teases him with sugary drinks and warmer layers, only to steal them away in the sunny afternoons.

He breaks pencils in the pockets of his hoodie as he walks between classes. The earbuds in his ears are silent, props to help him pretend like he doesn’t exist. Pete used to laugh a lot in class, used to make the class laugh a lot too— now, he mostly just stares at the blankest wall he can find.

Nights are agony, and he’s sick of writing why. He’s so done with the endless identical pages of messy handwritten stories, all complaining of the same stupid thing. His therapist tells him it’s good for him.

But Pete only feels crazier when he sees how often he repeats himself.

He thinks it’s because of how quickly the day he leaves is approaching. The floor is falling out from under his feet.

A home that is no longer his, with things like “you’ll be gone next year” constantly floating around.

He’s finally become temporary. Plans are made without him. Futures are created with him off in his own story, studying all night or smoking weed or whatever they expect him to do. Whatever they expect with him in college. Because he’s not even sure what he’s getting himself into yet.

How can he be happy here when it’s so clearly not for him? School echoes the same monotone around his brain, the same task-and-reward he’s been doing since he was five. Write the paper. Turn in the homework. Fill out the worksheet. Do the research. Take notes. Study the notes. Even when his passing or failing doesn’t matter, the pressure is still on. He must do the things and get the stuff. He must work.

It’s so useless. So fucking useless. Why not spend his last year loving where he has grown up? Why not take the day to walk slowly through town, memorizing the way that bricks are laid across the streets he’s walked since before he could talk? Why can’t he take time to get used to growing old?

Because he’s almost not a kid. So fucking scarily close to not being a kid.

And that’s what keeps him up at night, when he’s trying to convince himself it’s worth it to go to bed so he can get out of it in the morning. That it’s worth it to shut his eyes rather than keep them wide open, rather than laughing at the moonlight and jumping at shadows as he sneaks around the quiet part of town.

Pete should be going to bed, not getting shitfaced in dorm room that hasn’t been cleaned since the day they moved in, and definitely not tasting skin he’s never seen in daylight. He shouldn’t be taking late-night hikes to stare at the stars, or inhaling from something he’s not entirely sure of.

Pete shouldn’t run through the streets at night laughing wildly just because he can or driving through for milkshakes just because his friends are high and they want McDonalds. He shouldn’t be living. No. He should be tucked under his blankets and sleeping softly, as he has been for the past seventeen years.

But even with all that sound sleeping, Pete is so sick and tired. His mono is coming back (a brief stint with a girl who looked better in the moonlight than anyone else) and it makes his throat ache through the long, quiet nights. He never really sleeps at night for the possibilities that bombard his mind, so in the morning all he craves is quiet so he can rest.

And yeah, Pete is fucking sick and tired of being in high school.

#pete davidson concept #pete davidson x reader #pete davidson #mars writes #concept writing #requests are open :)

[miomio-san]

as you all may or may not know mammon is clingy. like, really clingy. so clingy that it’s kinda annoying to the average person.

which is why he’s so completely caught off guard when you return his affection without hesitation.

he’s very confused, bemused, shell shocked, flabbergasted, and in complete awe of how unapologetically touchy you are with him.

at first he thought, of course they’re clinging onto me, im great! then it quickly turned into what if theyre only being clingy because they feel bad that my brothers keep making fun of me.

(okay levi 🙄🤚🏾)

like, mans is just feeling all types of ways but you’re over here like, “yes, finally someone who isn’t running away from my love.”

you’re constantly touching mammon, not in a sexual way, just in a way to remind him you’re there.

like resting your head on his shoulder, holding his hand, ruffling his hair (says he hates it but you know you better), sitting on his lap (he doesn’t care if you think you’re heavy, sit on him mamas), and just about anything that that has to do with you being really close to him.

(he complains that he needs his space but will get all huffy if you aren’t practically glue onto him)

you’re always making the first move.

(be nice, hes shy 😔👉👈)

he would make a move first but his brothers are little shits who will stop at nothing to make fun of him for being “soft”

says that he is, in fact, not soft whilst also simultaneously cuddling you and peppering light kisses on your neck.

(righttt 🙄🙄)

now, all this is happening in the comfort of your own home, the house of lamentation.

god forbid mammon even think of making a move while you two are in a public setting. sure he talks a big game but he, like levi, is going to need to conjure a lot of confidence to even show any pda.

(consciously of course, because he’s really affectionate when he’s not aware that he’s being affectionate)

he’s trying his best, he really is, but mammon would rather die than to taint his reputation.

(not like it isn’t ruined already goofy)

but it’s not like he can’t make the first move, he’s just thinking what if he doesn’t read the room, makes a move and fucks up so bad you think you should break up with him then and there.

(you don’t think mammon is thinking these things because of his kleptomaniac tendencies but, my boy’s got a brain in there)

but mammon loves, loves, loves how clingy and affectionate you are with him. you just drown him in your love and he just wants to stay in your loving embrace for the rest of his long, long days.

you both have a ritual where everytime you see each other, whether its switching between classes, outside shopping or even just hanging out in the house of lamentation, you both will always, always, sprint towards each other at full speed and basically tackle the other person into a hug.

(most of the time you are the way whose ass gets knocked over when y’all do this, your poor booty 😔 and everything else)

you guys are known as the “how the fuck can they stand that guy” couple. everyone seems to think mammon isn’t that great for you.

(even mf who dont like you feel bad he’s dating you lmao but fuck them 🖕🏾🖕🏾)

when everyone is ignoring mammon you’re immediately the first one to shut them tf down.

“umm, hello? why the fuck are y’all not listening to my amazing boyfriend and his tale of how he stole from that one witch, who ended up cursing him to hiccup loudly every time he tried to steal something from someone, and how embarrassing it was to be caught by lucifer like that?”

“because he’s told us this seventeen times!”

“WELL, LISTEN AGAIN!”

he use to be very insecure about your relationship because of the attention you get from not only his brothers but also the exchange students. it also didn’t help his brothers and his peers would constantly tell him how much you deserve better than a scummy idiot like him.

you obviously defend your boyfriend because why the hell are they making him feel insecure about the relationship you both agreed upon.

you like him, he likes you, thats it. why do y’all need outsiders opinion on your relationship

(not me falling in love with you 😩😩😩 go bestie speak your truth 🗣🗣)

mammon practically melts into your arms whenever you guys cuddle.

when you caress your fingers across his cheeks as he stares at you with this look thats filled with love, and pure admiration, slowly trailing your hand to his head as your fingers glide through his hair, putting him at ease as he gently closes his eyes, allowing himself to yet again be vulnerable, with you and only you.

that side of mammon is reserved for you. he loves you dearly.

(hes so soft 🥺🥺)

granted, sometimes mammon messes up and the fact he activately is trying to stop his bad habits is amazing!

you being there for him and loving him; he thinks it’s a privilege.

you bring out the best in him and he’s grateful that it was you who gave him the honor of being your bf.

#[ 📝 ] shh， mio’s writing. #mammon x reader #mammon x s/o #mammon x mc #obey me mammon x reader #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #obey me brothers x reader #im soft #i love him #omg im gonna cry wtff #nobody talk to me im in my mammon loving hours #its the fact that mfs HATE mammon #like how could you hate such a sweetheart #more for me 😩😋😋 #motmps #ngl im clingy as fuck so if the mf i like or am dating said im /too/ clingy id disintegrate on the stop 😀🤚🏾 #fuck no am i suffering that humiliation 😟😟

[floatinginwords]

Saved by the Devil (17/?) - Thomas Shelby

Summary: Father and reader are reunited, Reader faces her past and future at once. (Im getting better kind of?) 

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Fem!Reader (Romantic)

Warning: Unhealthy father and daughter relationship.

A/N: This chapter took oh so long but I’m glad that we get to see this relationship between Father and Daughter in this one. Also i named the father George so sorry if you know someone named George. Comments and feedback is always appreciated and as always have a good night and take care of yourselves. 

Italics = flashback

George (L/N), your father was a man that everyone feared. You knew this ever since you were a little girl. You saw the air he prided himself with, the way people parted like the red sea whenever he walked, the way no one would look him in his eye. You used to worship the ground he walked on. You would cry on to your mother why you couldn’t spend more time with the man, she would give you a look that you didn’t understand then. She was horrified when George did decide to take you for a tour of his ‘office.’ She could do nothing but watch you bounce happily away on your father hand. You still remember the day.

 “You can’t take her, not there.” Your mother cried to him

 “Shes gonna need to learn sooner or later.”

 “Then later!” She yelled.

 He ignores her cries as he drags you along. You had a big smile at finally getting time with your father. You didn’t understand why she was against this.

The walk was brisk, you even stopped for a treat. You ended up jumping from one place to another. Your father talking to people, shaking their hands. You noticed how they looked to him like a leader. So you asked.

 “Im a boss honey,” He answered, “You will be too one day. You’ll help me run all this.”

 “Really?” you said

 “You just gotta be tough. Can you do that?”

 You nodded pulling off your toughest face. The next place he leads you is some old train tracks that aren’t used anymore. A group of men stand around in a circle. All of them waiting for him.

 “You brought a kid to this?” One of them says.

 “You got a problem with that?” George says cocking his gun you didn’t realize he had.

 The man shakes his head no and pints where the rest of them gather, “They got him over there.”

Your father no longer holds your hand as he walks ahead of you. You follow slowly. You can see the man in the middle of the circle. Looking worn down and beaten. Your father stands ahead of him, he plays with gun in the air. He talks words you block out. You just watch the man as is eyes loosely follow your father. He cries uncontrollable begging for his life. You see his body fall before you hear the gun. You don’t cry, you don’t say a word. Your father pats you on the head and says you did good.

 Soon he took you everywhere and anywhere, spending more time with him less with your mother. You became a different person as you became used to the violence. You saw different side of your father more than once but he still treated you like a good. He wanted you prepared for anything and you just wanted to prove that you could be. So learning wasn’t an issue and neither was the perfection you set yourself up for. You became a mini version of him, you didn’t mind unlike your mother who was just horrified. She fought for you to stay in school when he would convince you to leave. She wanted to to date, have a normal job. But you wouldn’t listen to her. You father was your hero at the time you saw nothing wrong with anything that was happening.

 “Your tainting her. Its not good for her to be around this stuff.”

 You listen from atop of the stairs, now only seventeen.

 “Son or daughter, my child is gonna learn the business and learn it right!” He yelled

 “Then ill tell the police, everything I know. Ill take her away or- or”

 “Are you threatening me?”

 “I want my daughter back! You’re running her.”

 “She’s growing up, deal with it.” He turns away from her, gives her the side eye before walking out. You go to sleep, hoping for them to forgive and forget.

 You wake in the middle of night for a glass of water when you found your mother dead. You cry for the first time over a dead body. Holding your mothers hand close to her face, hoping for  a reaction. Your father walks in and pauses. You can see through your lashes that his hands were stained red. You don’t say anything. He brings  out two shovels and hands one to you. George tells you nothing more but to dig in the backyard.

 You don’t. He scolds you for not listening, for not working faster. He digs it himself. He doesn’t look you in the eye as you watch his bury dirt on top of your mother. You share a tea later in the night. You just watch the inside of your cup, the steam rising up. He drinks his greedily, eating cookies as if it’s a regular Sunday morning.

That’s when your relationship changed. You begun to bicker and challenge everything he said or did. You couldn’t understand why he would do that. Or how he even could. You didn’t know what you could do, so you held the emotions in for a long time. Growing distant with your father. He confronts you on your behavior and you no longer hokd your tounge with him.

 “You killed her. Why?”

 “You wouldn’t understand.”

 “I had to bury her, do you know what that was like?”

 “In this business you’ll have to bury a lot more like her.”

 “she had nothing to do with it.” You state.

 He looks at your small figure, your eyes welling up with tears. “Don’t cry.”

 “Why did you do it? Why did you kill my mother?” You press the issue your voice growing louder wanting , needingthe answer. Wanting all this to make sense.

 “Why does it matter? So you can tell the whole city?” He turns on you quick.

 “What if I did, does that scare you?”

 “Watch your mouth girl.”

 “Is that why you killed my mother? Cause she didn’t watch her mouth.” He gets up quickly punching a hole in the wall near your face. You stay still as tears fall from you eyes slowly.

 No longer were the two of you a pair. The father daughter duo was dead. He iced you of the business. Meeting happening without you, transactions with your knowledge. He treated you like a stranger he shared a house with. But every chance you got when you would see him. You questioned him, wanted him to feel bad. No answer at this point would satisfy you, you know that. But you hoped the guilt would eat at his soul for the rest of time. You were there to remind him. And he didn’t like that.

It was the day before you turned eighteen, when you were surprised with a knock on the door. The men claimed to be doctors as they grabbed you by the wrist, throwing you in their car, declaring you insane. You didn’t understand what was happening and that only made them laugh sealing their opinion on what state your mind was as you panicked. The doctors told you nothing but that your father had expressed concerns over your health. And that he was doing this for your own good. Being there made you feel insane but you tried your best to repeal the order to get out. But the doctors were well played off, some of the nurses being Georges goons, no one would let you out unless he said so. Until Tommy Shelby came in, of course you were finally free from that cage.

 So now you stand in front of this man, you had idolized and called father. A man who now is only a murderer, a thief, a low life, your enemy. You clench your jaw as he opens his arms to you. The wrinkles on Georges face crease as he smiles. He’s older in the face and hold a cane in his hand.

 “What? No hug?”

 “Fuck off.”

 “What a lovely choice of words. Im glad to see your okay. I meant to visit…” You glare at him, “but I’ve been busy. Its good to finally find you.”

 “You don’t have to play dumb. How long have you been following me. Ive noticed since a month ago.”

 “Hmm you’re slacking. Its been longer than that. You really think I would let my daughter be out and about, not knowing shes safe.”

 “I had hoped the rumors of your death were true. Guess I hoped too much.”

 “Ah yes your little hit on me. Didn’t go as planned did it.” He glances over at the smoke floating in the town miles from us, “Your work I assume.”

 “Did you do that to Trinity?”

 “It wasn’t anything personal. No need to throw a tantrum.”

 You huff and hold yourself back from stabbing right where he stood. “You had no right-“

 George interrupts you, “After the stunt you pulled. Asking Thomas Shelby to kill me in exchange you tell him a few locations. You know what he did when he found me. He shook my hand. The man helps me fake my death, im off to America. Can you guess where?”

 “New York.”

 “That’s right and its bigger and its booming, honey. And here you are sleeping with a man who lies to you, who is no different than me or the other men ive killed or hurt.”

 “Im not-not” You blush at the accusation your father throws to you. You had forgotten for a second how Tommy Shelby was involved in this. You remember asking him and never getting a clear answer. Especially when you were so unsure with what was going on, you should have pressed more. Not been so easy to trust him. You could have been more prepared for this, left the country sooner.

 “Listen, I’m just here to help you-“

 “By locking me up calling me crazy, or was it when you killed my mother, or had me followed or when you killed my friend.”

 “I understand your mad. But honey we are better as a team than not. Remember me and you fighting the world together.” He uses a funny light hearted voice. One that he would use only to manipulate you when you were younger.

 “What do you want from me?”

 He sighs, “I need a peace treaty. And the family’s got this son.-“

 You scoff, “Are you kidding me?”

 “its what best for our family. And honestly you have no choice in the matter. Ill drag you there myself if I have to.”

 “I’d like to see you try.” You pull put your knife and hold it out in attack position.

 “You’re gonna kill me, your old man,” He uses a mockingly sad voice before erupting into a mad laughter, “You might as well do it now cause you wouldn’t want me as your enemy.”

 “I think it might be too late for that.”  You press the knife against your own throat, pressing hard against your skin. You can feel a trickle of warm blood run down. Now George finally panics.

 “Hey, Hey! Don’t do that!” He yells.

 “Walk out of here and don’t turn back.  Now! “You command.

 Your father follows your orders because you knew it as well as he that in this game you were now an important chess piece. And he wouldn’t have no use with a dead bride.

 “I’ll be seeing you very soon.” He says as he walks further and further away. You watch until his figure is nothing more than a blur. That’s when you finally release the grip on your knife.

You sit down on the ground and quietly sob into your hands. You don’t know the time when you finally stop but its still night and still no train. You hear the sound of a lighter flicking on. You curse under your breath as you get up, ready to die tonight if it meant not being in your fathers plan.

 “You are really testing my patience tonight.” You say turning around. Only it wasn’t your father standing there.

 “Cigarette? You look like you could use one.” The deep voice says. And there you are, Face to face once again with Thomas Shelby.

#Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #peaky blinder fanfic #fanfic