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thetarsier · 11 months

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heyyy!! i hope you’re well!! i was hoping you could write a jealous!aaron x reader where she’s basically getting hit on while she’s at girls night and maybe penelope snaps a picture of her and the guy and sends it to the BAU gc and aaron basically drives over and suprises you because he was jealous

a/n: hi! thank you for the request, lovely, i was so excited to write this one :)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings/notes: drinking, asshole-type men (yes that's a warning)

<3: aaron hotchner x fem!reader, established relationship

Girls' night always - always - ended in one of your own getting hit on. Usually, it was JJ, but Emily fielded her fair share of creepy drunk men. Penelope tended to go after men herself, and you were the quiet one that laughed along with the others at the strange men eyeing them up. Rarely were you ever the target of their affections.

It was something that the other girls constantly tried to change, with JJ repeatedly pointing you out to the men who came over to the table (which almost always ended in you ducking away to the bathroom until the guy got the hint). They didn’t know that you were more than content being an observer of their conversations, happy to celebrate the numbers Emily and Penelope received and laugh over the rejections of the men that came after JJ.

They didn’t know, because they all still thought that you were single. You’d never told them otherwise, and that was mostly because of who you were currently dating: Aaron Hotchner, your boss.

It was a connection that blossomed over the many years of you being at the BAU, not the same as some rushed, half-assed attempt to score during a night out. He loved you, and you loved him, and you were trying to take it slow out of the eyes of your coworkers. It’d worked for almost two years now with only a few minor slip-ups that were easy to explain away to the people who’d witnessed them.

Not Rossi, however. Rossi had you two figured out almost as soon as you started to take things seriously, and now he acted as your protector. He changed subjects, scolded, and made those who questioned you or Aaron seem stupid. He was the perfect person to have as a secret keeper, mostly because he didn’t have it in him to care that much.

And he’d done a beautiful job, too. It was a running joke on the BAU group chat that Penelope’s mission on your nights out was to find you someone to go home with. This was why, despite your usual invisibility, when a guy approached you at the bar, you were left alone with him, your girlfriends disappearing into the crowd around you.

“-And so, yeah, I would say I’m self-made. I mean, my dad did lend me most of the money I used to actually start up, and all of my customers came from the family company, too, but I run the place, you know?” The guy interrupted his ramblings to take a sip from his beer, and you continued your nodding.

You were used to listening to fast ramblings, thanks to Spencer, but usually his monologues were interesting, and you could follow them with relative fascination. This guy was just… awful. At storytelling, and being a good conversationalist in general.

“He hasn’t stopped talking this whole time,” JJ observed from their table, shaking her head, “Can’t imagine he’s particularly decent.”

“She hasn’t walked away, yet, though,” Emily shrugged, “Maybe he’s like Reid?”

“Does he look like Reid?” Penelope pulled her phone out of her bag, “Doesn’t matter. Mission half accomplished - everyone has to see this.”

She snapped a photo of the two of you, him leaning into you, you leaning onto the bar. From an outsider's perspective, with the angle that Penelope had taken the photo, it might have looked like you were enjoying his advances more than you actually were. You felt the vibration in your pocket as Penelope sent your photo to the group chat, but you didn’t look, too focussed on how you were going to get out of the man’s company without causing a scene to care about what your phone was doing.

“Oh, look,” Emily pointed to Penelope’s phone, “Morgan’s already responded-” She switched to a lower tone of voice as she read out the man’s text. “-Doesn’t count, Babygirl. Nobody’s gone home yet.”

“He’s right, you know,” JJ looked back at you and the man, “And I don’t think this is a match made in heaven.”

“I can’t keep losing this bet!” Penelope complained as she shoved her phone back in her bag and sat down, disheartened.

“Ha!” Emily laughed, looking at her own phone, “Hotch has seen it.”

“Oh, that’s embarrassing,” JJ stifled her own laugh by taking a sip of her drink, “Delete it, Garcia. Her boss has seen that.”

“He’s seen it all - he’s in the group chat,” Penelope defended, “Maybe the embarrassment of her constant failure will lure her into a perfect match.”

“That makes sense,” Emily commented sarcastically, eyes roaming over the crowd.

You laughed politely at the man’s joke before averting your eyes down to your lemonade. You weren’t supposed to be the designated driver - the four of you were meant to get a cab - but once you’d found out about Penelope’s plan, you’d switched to non-alcoholic drinks.

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust yourself, but you studied serial killers and rapists for a living, and you knew that some men liked to take advantage. If you were drunk, you couldn’t defend yourself as well as if you were sober. Usually, it wasn’t an issue - you had your girls - but sometimes the anxiety was too much for you to enjoy a drink, and that anxiety only increased tenfold when you were left alone with a guy.

The man’s droning on was getting so tedious that when you looked over his shoulder and saw Aaron - neat suit and all - you thought you had imagined him. Then, when he started moving closer, you started to worry that he would get the wrong idea.

But, he knew you, and you could tell by his caution that he was well aware of how you were feeling, tuned into your discomfort. Once you’d confirmed that your boyfriend was, in fact, in the same bar as you, you smiled and communicated with your eyes something that you hoped sounded like: ‘Get the hell over here right now.’

“Excuse me,” Aaron attached himself to your side, and you instantly felt safer, “What are we talking about over here?”

“Hey, back off, man,” The guy stood up straighter, and Aaron slipped an arm around your waist, “I’ve been talking to her all night.��

“Yes, and clearly it was riveting conversation,” Aaron eyed the many empty bottles surrounding the two of you and then your own singular glass of lemonade with disdain, “But it’s time to say goodnight.”

He didn’t even allow the man to say anything else, just used his grip on your waist to spin the two of you around and toward where he knew the girls were sitting. His arm left your waist once the two of you were no longer shielded by other people, and as you approached the tall table, sliding into the spare chair, you scowled at Penelope.

“Next time you try to set me up against my will, at least make sure he’s not a jerk.”

“Next time, my love.” She promised, placing a warm hand on your shoulder.

Aaron stood to your right, in between you and JJ, and you gestured to him as you looked between your three friends, “Look at who had to come and save me,” You feigned annoyance, and acted as though you were secretly telling the girls of your embarrassment, “How did you even know we were here?”

“Oh, my God. He saw the photo.” Penelope gasped.

“The what?”

“Garcia put a photo of you and the guy on the group chat to try and prove that she’d succeeded in her mission,” JJ admitted, amusement swimming in her blue eyes as she looked between you and Aaron.

“Oh, you’re asking for an HR case,” You pointed a finger at the flamboyant blonde, who smiled sweetly at you, tucking her hands underneath her chin, “You sent a picture of me at a bar to all of my colleagues?”

“If it makes you feel any better, Morgan said it doesn’t count.”

“Oh, great, so you sent my picture to my colleagues, and it didn’t even count.” You were only joking with them, and each of them was well aware of that fact.

“Still,” Emily turned her attention back to Aaron, “Why are you here?”

You also turned to look back at him as he rubbed the back of his neck. He clearly hadn’t thought much past the initial urge to save you from your misery, and you were sure that not even Rossi could’ve lied your way out of the situation.

“Um…” He narrowed his eyes, brain working overtime for something believable, “I was here already for, the, uh…”

His eyes darted down to yours in desperation. You laughed at him, leaning your head back onto his shoulder and reaching your hand down to grab at his. The secrecy was on your account, as most things in your relationship were; not only because he was technically your boss, but also because he was head-over-heels obsessed with you. It was created on your account, and you would be the one to break it.

“Okay, guys, there’s a reason why I never go home with anyone from the bar…” You grinned, peeking up at Aaron from where the back of your head rested just below his chin before you looked back at the girls.

Penelope was shocked into silence, her mouth wide open, hands stuck out by her sides, JJ was sporting a happy smile of her own, and Emily had a hand over her mouth, eyes blown with shock. After a few seconds of silence, where Aaron squeezed your hand to soothe both of your nerves, the group sprung into action.

“Oh, my God!” Emily chuckled, “I knew there was something going on. I knew it!”

“Oh, this is… This is…” Penelope waved her hands around.

“Wonderful,” JJ finished, reaching over to touch your other hand that rested on the table, “And congratulations - you had everyone fooled.”

“It’s been hard,” You conceded, “Sometimes during hard cases, it was slightly too hard, but we’ve gotten through it.”

“Oh, you guys,” Penelope tilted her head to the side, “You’re too adorable.”

“And on that note,” You smiled, picking up your purse, “I think we should probably go.”

You said your goodbyes, and Aaron managed to get out his own through his uncharacteristic blushes and stutters, and you made your way out to Aaron’s car, hand in hand.

“Why did you come?” You asked him out of curiosity once he’d climbed into his side of the car.

“Honest answer?” He raised an eyebrow and you nodded, turning your body towards his, “Really, I saw that photo of you with the guy, and I didn’t even think about it. I just got in the car.”

“Oh, you were jealous,” You teased, poking his arm gently, “It’s okay, Hotchner, I’m all yours, anyway.”

“Good,” He leaned over the centre console, fingers gripping your chin and encouraging your face closer to his, “Because I’m all yours.”

Each of his kisses was a seal to his promise.

It was only in the morning, when you finally checked your phone after a night with Aaron, that you realised another photo had been snapped of you. One of you and Aaron walking out of the bar holding hands. Penelope had sent it to the group chat with the message ‘Mission finally successful.’

The group chat had barely shut up since, question after question rolling into your inbox.

You groaned, falling back into your pillow, where Aaron kissed a path from the tip of your middle finger to your cheek, smiling against your skin.

“If it makes you feel any better, Dave will stop bothering us about telling the truth now,” He mumbled into your neck, and you sighed, a smile on your face as you played with his hair.

“Very true, Hotchner. Just remember: it was your jealousy that got us into this mess, so you’re dealing with the questions we’re going to get.”

He laughed into your skin, an agreement.

#aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #but h'sversion

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agentjazzy · 5 months

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The Evil Dead Dashboard Simulator

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

YES I got my girlfriend a pretty pretty necklace from a gumball machine and when she sees it she's going to give me so so many kisses :)

(411 Notes)

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

man, fuck tourists, I was heading to my spot when a car came up and honked at us, all friendly like, so me and buddy waved bc there wasn't anyone else there, but then they YELLED at us???? we were just walking?? wtf did we even DO

#i hope the bridge collapses i hope they all DIE #vent

(4,079 Notes)

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

unethical life pro tip: if you overhear your professor talking about their family cabin that they have, and they have open office hours posted, it's your RIGHT to go check that shit out

they're not gonna be there!! they have papers to grade and other shit to deal with!!! free cabin!!!

🌋 thehillsalsohaveanniceass 📛 Follow

op what are you going to do when you roll up and they're just sitting there

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

lmao his ass is NOT going to be in that cabin 😂 he just got back from a vacation with his family or something (dipshit couldn't wait until break) he's supposed to be at his office and he does NOT have the vacation days to be leaving so soon

(151 Notes)

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

fml my older brother asked if I wanted to tag along on a trip to a cabin and I said sure bc it beats staying at home w/ dad

BUT IT'S A COUPLE TRIP

HE'S BRINGING HIS COWORKER/GIRLFRIEND THAT HE DOESN'T SHUT UP ABOUT, HIS FRIEND IS BRINGING HIS GIRLFRIEND, WHYYYY DID THEY INVITE ME

#if i knew i would've said no 😭 #he didn't even invite his Actual best friend #which SUCKS bc then we could've fooled around when no one was paying attention #huh who said that 😳 #cheryl posting

(4 Notes)

📜 anthroapologist 🦀 Follow

haters will hear you scurrying underneath the bowels of your home and freak out like HELLO where else am I supposed to scurry????

(1,288 Notes)

🔮 shessellingseashells Follow

you ever feel like people Immediately forget your name upon meeting you :(

#i might be too high but i don't think any of these people know my full name #i mean I'm Definitely high #and tried moonshine for the first time #but like. really feeling like an outsider rn

(0 Notes)

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

it's so hard being the only chad amongst nerds, like, I GET IT, you're too much of a pussy to investigate the creepy fucking cellar, the LEAST you can do is let me listen to the tapes I found down there, they're cool as fuck

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

okay and now they're all yelling at me bc a stupid tree broke a window right when the tape got good 😑

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

fuck it, here's a recording of the tape, I hope none of you guys are cowards like all my friends apparently are, have fun bc I can't

(206,089 Notes)

💀 theevilacrosstheland Follow

when someone plays your song you can feel that shit in your SOUL catch me coming towards you at 15mph awoken from my eternal slumber if I hear that first note fr

(6,282 Notes)

🔍 peachycraftsection Follow

my boyfriend spent $14 in quarters attempting to get a magnifying glass necklace from one of those gumball machine toy capsules at work bc he knows I LOVE mysteries and detective stories and I need to [redacted] him in the [redacted] right NOW 💖💖💖

(432 Notes)

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

everyone's making out rn which is REAL inconvenient bc there is Absolutely Something Outside

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

should I check it out

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

there's no one online to tell me no so.....

📝 charcoalfingertips Follow

op you haven't posted in an hour are you okay???

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

I'm Irrevocably Changed Now 👍

(104 Notes)

🌹 deadite420 Follow

I'm just a silly goofy guy if I happened to have killed and maimed and bite and stab that's just who I am and how I show love ^_^

(5,724 Notes)

🔮 deadite68 Follow

coyotes are SO right, if youre trapped somewhere or someone grabs ya, just bite your limb off, no hesitation, show superiority, it's not like THEY'RE gonna do it

(2,051 Notes)

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

whhy is there so muchh blood everywhere........

#help #i accidentally kept my mouthh open and blood got in it :((((( #my head hurts sso bad bookcases kept falling on me

(5 Notes)

🔩 deadite883 Follow

heehee i love crawling through pipes and electrical outlets

(207 Notes)

🎶 8tracksarebetterthancassettes Follow

I logged onto Tumblr and wtf why am I following so many people with deadite in their username? is it a reference? did I miss a meme? are we mishapocolypse-ing again?

🌿 dirtissoyummy Follow

I think it might be a virus transmitted by bots but idk I'm too scared to interact

🤡 thespareshemp Follow

okay I investigated to see if it was a bot swarm or people having fun SO

for the first cluster of blogs, all their IPs are logging from the same location, which usually means a lazy bot swarm BUT I went through all their archives and most of them, before changing urls, interacted with one another naturally and stuff, @-ing one another and junk, and they seem to know each other irl

so it's just friends having fun!! and then people joining in on the fun!! feel free to reblog without fear!

#they're all still posting original content so that's kinda a giveaway #even though it's all 'deadite'fied and all #i wonder if theyre doing an arg thing

(1,004 Notes)

🔍 deadite81 Follow

when men are SOAKED with blood 👌😍🥰😘💖🥰🥰💖😍👌😘😘😘💖💖😍

(20,983 Notes)

🤡 deadite6091 Follow

JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOHN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US

🛏 honkshoomimi Follow

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You Will Be Dead By Dawn

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🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

🥐 evilpillsburydoughboy Follow

hey you live near the state line right? can you check the news real quick

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

uhhhhhhhhh

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BRIDGE IS GONE

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

fml if any of you need me i'm going to lay down in the cold and let the forest take me

(4,079 Notes)

🛏 deadite7390 Follow

if you were to break me down to my pure essence you would be left with pure, unfiltered evil

also grits

mmmmmm grits

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🎥 deadite3023 Follow

falling down the stairs is the most efficient way to go down them :)

(941 Notes)

🎲 deadite69 Follow

y'all ever open the window and AUGH OUGH UGH UGH UGH AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA THE AGONIES and then you adjust to the sunlight and you're fine

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP ME

(3 Notes)

#I MAY HAVE GOTTEN CARRIED AWAY #long post #unreality #tumblr simulator #dashboard simulation #ash williams #cheryl williams #scotty evil dead #linda evil dead #the evil dead #evil dead #jazzy keeps blogging til the blog ends

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junnieverse · 8 months

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JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY ➳ P. SUNGHOON

➙ synopsis: your boyfriend sunghoon gets jealous whenever he sees you getting a bit too close to another member and he can't take it

pairing: park sunghoon x gn!reader [ft. jake sim]

genre: fluff, a little angst

word count: 0.8k

request: " hi! can you write about hoon being jealous cause you’re being (platonically) flirty with your friend? like saying ily to each other, cuddling, taking couples pics etc "

warnings: not proofread (may be typos), not based on the Olivia Rodrigo song

a/n: here it is, I kinda changed it up and made hoon jealous because (y/n) was more 'flirtatious' with another member so I hope that's okay too, if not, just tell me and I'll change it to your liking as per your request :)

a/n (2) EDIT: the people who saw this as a hc, no you didn't. and I rewrote this because I was quite unsatisfied with it at first and so I decided to use what I had before and made it a oneshot instead.

You knew your boyfriend was someone who was always cracking a joke with friends, but you also knew Park Sunghoon was a jealous person.

Having dated for quite some time, he thought it through and decided to finally introduce you to his group members because they were not only his coworkers but also like a second family to him.

Ofcourse he wanted his the people he spent majority of his time with to like his favourite person.

You were able to meet his members and they absolutely loved you, some more than others Sunghoon noticed too.

Undoubtedly you were a very likeable person. You were kind, funny and outgoing, the perfect partner to him he would say but you were being a bit too kind to his members.

He at the very least thought you would simply be cordial with his members, he didn't expect you to be so close to them to the point where you would playfully banter and share inside jokes with them.

To be more specific, why did it have to be Jake, his best friend.

Sunghoon's jealousy was like a ticking time bomb.

Yes, he was upset to find out you were a Jake pc collector but he let that go.

And yes, you showed him the lego bouquet Jake made for you and despite his rage burning inside of him, he let that go too.

But this new friendship between you and his friend was driving him up the wall, he was bound to explode at any time.

At some point he did have enough of it and he confronted you about a post you made with Jake, having captioned it, 'out with my favourite person, luv u <3', you hadn't seen any harm in this platonic flirting whereas your boyfriend couldn't wrap his head around the fact that it you couldn't see anything wrong with it AND he felt like he was slowly losing you to his own friend.

You had came over to the enhypen dorm later that day to have a movie night with your boyfriend and passing by the kitchen, you notice Jake and excitedly give him a hug before sharing a handshake.

He let out a scoff not believing it, how could you have a handshake with Jake but not him, YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND?

"Well if you'll excuse us, I have a movie date with MY girlfriend." Sunghoon interrupts your conversation with Jake as he held onto your wrist and dragged you away into the living room where he had everything set up.

Everything was going just as he liked, you were both cuddled up on the couch watching a movie, you had all the attention on him and obviously, no Jake.

Or so he thought.

"Hey, could I join you guys if you don't mind. Ni-ki and Heeseung are out playing basketball but I felt like staying in today." he says scratching the back of his neck.

"Ofcourse Jakey!" you say right before Sunghoon was about to protest as you patted the seat beside you as Jake sat down getting comfortable.

JAKEY?! Sunghoon was fuming at this point, when did you even reach the nickname basis with him? He loved his best friend, he really did, but more than anything in the world right now, Sunghoon wanted to cuss him out for ruining your indoor date.

Looking over you at the end of the movie, Sunghoon turns to see you laying your head on Jake's shoulder peacefully asleep and that was his breaking point.

All that pent up jealousy and possessiveness he felt finally exploded.

"Yah! Are you trying to steal my partner from me? I'm tired of you always trying to take them away!" he quickly stands up as he yelled at Jake pointing an accusing finger at him.

The commotion had woken you up and before you could talk to your boyfriend he left the room to try and calm himself down.

Jake had felt bad for making his best friend feel this way, it obviously wasn't intentional, he just thought you were a great friend he made who he got along well with.

"I'm so sorry Hoonie, you know it was never my intention to make you feel like a third wheel of some sort, you're always my number one." you try your best to reassure him.

As angry as he was, he also knew he was at fault for lashing out on both you and Jake as well as not expressing how left out he felt.

It took alot in him to do it, but Sunghoon put his pride aside and apologised to Jake and ofcourse Jake apologised too, they knew they couldn't stay mad at each other anyway.

All you needed to do to keep your boyfriend happy was to make sure you gave him your undivided attention alot more and ofcourse showering him with all your kisses and compliments did just the trick to see his beautiful smile again.

"Wow, I have the most handsome boyfriend huh?" you tell him trying to fuel his ego as his ears went red and he gave you a kiss on your cheek.

"Gross." you heard a voice say turning to see Riki pass by making a disgusted face at the amount of affection you and Sunghoon gave each other.

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bellysoupset · 5 months

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Okay, so, two things:

One, does Leo ever get jealous or upset when he sees kids with loving and caring parents?

Two, maybe a fic where Leo hasn’t been feeling well all day and on his way home he sees a super sweet family with a dad and a cute giggly son, and for some reason his feverish brain combined with the sweetness sends him into a depression episode. And then he goes home and takes Benadryl for his fever and his anti depressants as well, and basically over-sedates himself, and Jon gets home later to find Leo almost completely out of it and he freaks out.

I know you’re doing the mini saga rn, but I was thinking maybe you could do this after?

Sorry if this request is too long!!!😭😭!!😭

I'm sorry it took forever to write this!! This poor fic has been in my drafts for too long, I'm so sorry!

----------------

Leo knew he was not supposed to covet things that weren't his. That had been a maxim of his father and during most days Leo still agreed to it, all trauma aside.

Except during the holidays. He wasn't sure what was it about the end of the year that brought up the ugliest parts of him. Maybe it was all the fake glee or the longer nights and shorter days or the fact he wasn't practicing nearly as much sports or the fact that consumerism was off the charts and even though he could afford things now, he didn't think he'd ever get rid of that feeling in the pit of his stomach when standing in a cashier line. Maybe it was all that put together.

Or maybe it was the drilling about Holiday Spirit. In his house that had meant discounted alcoholic eggnog and much screaming, his father calling him a "little elf", school being out for recess so him being stuck in a house with no heat and an incredibly pissed off man, who was drunk off his ass.

For everyone else, though, holiday spirit meant being more kind or loving or charitable. Right. Leo rolled his eyes as he watched his coworker boast about the charity he was helping at the end of the year.

There was also the fact that the "philanthropy works" that his colleagues liked to gloated about were more often than not directed at people who were just Leo, except seven years ago.

He pressed on his keyboard with a little more force, rubbing at his temples. He had a headache from all the smells permeating the office — Sandras' peppermint candle, Chuck's cinnamon rolls he had brought for everyone else, Dean's fucking overpowering cologne his girlfriend had gifted him — and the loud noise wasn't making his life any better.

Leo sighed, squinting at his screen. Normally he could do his job in his sleep. Research had always been his forte, even back in high school, and he knew he aced it, because his boss always planted him as the paralegal for the big clients, where the lawyer would need a lot of research help in a short period of time.

Today he was struggling to put two and two together, let alone figure out if there were any similar cases that could serve as their defense. His stomach grumbled and Leo decided he needed a break from Sandra and Dean's incessant bickering, getting up and going to the coffee machine.

"Hey Wagner," Chuck opened a little smile, "what's with the sour face?"

"Headache," Leo answered truthfully, grabbing the biggest paper cup and starting the coffee machine. Damn, he really needed one of these back at home, "it's fine, there's just forty minutes more."

"That sucks man, feel better," Chuck said, but didn't move, "do you have any plans for the holiday break?"

"That's only next month," Leo wrinkled his nose in distaste. Could people stop pre-gaming for December in the middle of fucking November? Halloween had just happened-

"Well, there's thanksgiving," Chuck shrugged, "in less than two weeks."

"Oh," Leo sighed, having completely forgotten thanksgiving. He didn't think he had ever celebrated that.

"Are you going back home?"

Ha!

Leo nearly snorted in his coffee cup, instead changing it halfway so it looked like he was just blowing off the steam, "no, there's n- No. It's just me and Jon, so I'll probably do whatever his plans are."

Which Leo didn't think he had any... Jonah's plans lately were solely eat, sleep, study, hand in his final works for graduation, work. Rinse repeat.

"Hope you guys have fun," Chuck smiled brightly, before side stepping him and walking back to his desk, "get a turkey or something."

"Or something," Leo grumbled, squeezing his eyes and shuddering violently. He was also freezing. He blamed that on Sandra, who just had to wear the fancy coat she got in the designer sale at Nordstrom, so the a/c was at stupidly low levels, for sure.

Even though he had said it was just forty minutes more, they dragged. By the time Leo managed to get out of the office, his headache had escalated significantly and his stomach was hurting, since all he had eaten all day was a pastry at lunch and copious amounts of coffee. He was freezing to the point of his teeth chattering and he it was only when he stepped out of the elevator, buttoning up his coat, that he realized most people didn't seem to be feeling that chilly.

Sandra poked his side, "Wagner, you mind?"

He had stopped right at the ID scan, so he quickly apologized, jumping to the side as she scanned her card and then looked over her shoulder at him, "are you alright?"

"What?" Leo squinted at her, the lights reflecting off her blonde hair.

"Are you feeling alright?" Sandra repeated, "you're quieter than usual, that's all."

"Yeah, uhm..." He shrugged, running his own ID over the scan and joining her as they walked to the parking lot, "I'm fine, I'm just freez-" he shut up, stunned into silence when his co-worker lightly touched his forehead, getting on her tiptoes to reach him.

"You're running a fever there, Wagner," she rolled her eyes, clicking her car keys, "are you alright to drive?"

"Yeah, of course!" His voice came out squeaky at the sudden display of care and Sandra shrugged, smiling at him.

"Alright, take care," she waved, moving away to her designated spot and Leo was left a little stunned into silence, before collecting himself and getting in his own car. He really needed to stop being stubborn and let Bella fix his radio like she had offered, because there was just a terrible silence the entire drive home.

Leo stopped at a red light, just a street away from home and rested his forehead on the steering wheel. Now that Sandra had pointed it out, he couldn't deny the fever. Everything hurt, the sound of the wind howling outside hurt, his head was pounding, the kid's squealing as they walked ahead of their parents on the street...

He watched as a little boy ran back to his father, in a ridiculously large coat. The kid barely reached his dad's hip, he couldn't be over four years old. He was blabbing, cheeks all red and Leo watched the dad let out a chuckle and grab the lapels of his son's coat, covering his face in kisses.

Someone honked behind him and Leo jumped, startled. He had missed the green light.

The remaining 5 minutes to his house, were dark five minutes. Not only because the clouds clumped together to start spilling snow, but because his thoughts started to run down a dangerous road.

This was what he hated the most about the holidays. How his dark thoughts creeped up on him with such ease, how much emphasis was there on family and love and how it highlighted that he was painfully alone in this world. There was no place to go for thanksgiving and there was no father to smooch his face and comfort him and none of the garbage that every single TV ad was showing now.

He avoided the first floor, not in the mood to force a smile for Matthew, and once he got home, Leo went straight to the bedroom, stripping out of his tux jacket and kicking off the shoes.

JD meowed, pushing the door ajar as she entered the room, climbing the bed and forcing herself on his lap even when he paid her no mind. He was too busy trying to undo his tie with one hand, the other one running through the mess of meds they kept in the bedside table drawer.

Vaguely Leo was aware that Jonah kept more meds in the first aid kit, but he couldn't remember where it was and his head was throbbing too much and he felt like fucking crying, so he decided not to go looking. They were out of paracetamol, but still had benadryl and Leo swallowed the little pink pill dry, before opening the drawer right under that one, where he kept his own stuff.

He always took his meds in the morning and then two before bed, but even thought it was only six PM, Leo decided to just taken them already. He wanted to sleep for fifty years, maybe sleep and just... Just stop existing all together.

Leo rubbed his face at the thought, letting out a groan, and his cat let out a meow, forcing her head in the space between his arms.

"Hey," he sighed, scratching her behind the ears, "hey, sweetheart, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm not doing that..." he reassured JD, pulling on the blankets so he could crawl under them. Jonah had left the heater on, but the apartment was still freezing.

JD meowed, chewing on his now undone tie and Leo wrapped an arm around her, thinking that maybe he should get out of the office clothes.... Then fell asleep.

---------------

Jonah wasn't a festivities type of man. He had never been, not even back when he was a teenager and he definitely wasn't the type now, when he was so stressed about graduation.

Yet, he knew Leo was acting pouty for the past ten days and his bet was that it was related to the holiday season. It was very unlike Leo to not openly complain about what was upsetting him, unless it was something close to his heart, when he closed off like a clam.

So if Leo wanted Holidays, Jonah was going to give him Holidays. Hopefully with a better outcome than Halloween, Jon cringed at the thought.

"What is this?" Jon asked, as Wendy reached inside her car and pushed a big tupperware in his hand.

"Torrone," she said, fishing one of the little white squares, "it's an Italian candy, traditional around Christmas. Vin's mom sells them, but she made a huge first batch and sent him. Here's some for you and Leo."

"But Ma made them for Vince..."

"Vince has half my fridge filled with these," Wendy rolled her eyes, getting in the driver's seat of her car, "just remember to get a picture of Leo eating it so we can send it to ma."

"Alright Dee, bye," Jon sniffed one the little white bars, before turning around to get in his own car. That had been the start of his Christmas mini spree and the reason why he was going up to their apartment now carrying not just the tupperware, but a bunch of little boxes of fairy lights, a wreath and a bag of groceries to make a black forest cake.

Jon wasn't daft, he knew Leo was being terribly considerate with the fact he had all but put their whole relationship in the backburner so he could focus in the school work. He needed to woo the guy a little bit.

"Leo?" Jonah pushed the door open, before crouching down to grab all the items again, "Leo, I got a bunch of shit I think you'll like..." he thought nothing of it when there wasn't an answer, instead starting to put things away. He found a good jar for Ma's little torrones and checked on JD's food bowl, frowning as he realized Leo hadn't fed her yet.

"Leo, did you feed JD? Her bowl is empty..." he said, but still got no answer. Jonah didn't wait for one, shaking the little empty dish until he heard their cat trotting back to the kitchen, then filling it up. She snaked between his legs, purring as Jon scratched her behind the ear and watched her eat for a little bit.

Only then did he frown at Leo's full absence, walking back to their room. Jonah wasn't sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn't his boyfriend buried under all their blankets, heavily asleep. He checked his watch. Eight o'clock.

"That's early," Jonah whispered, moving closer to get a good look at his face, "Leo?"

There was no answer, not a snore, nothing. Leo's blonde hair was peaking out and so was the top half of his face, but that was it.

Jon sighed, a little bummed he was already asleep, but deciding against waking him, tiptoeing back out of the room. JD was still in the kitchen, happily munching on her treat and Jonah crouched down next to her again, "why did Leo go to bed so early, do you know?" he asked, causing the cat to stop eating for a second, before she went back in.

He put away all the groceries, then went through the fridge. They meal prepped and Jonah frowned as he realized there were exactly as many frozen dishes as there had been when he left the house earlier that day.

Happy that he had found an excuse to wake Leo up, Jonah got two containers out and put them to defrost, while walking back to the room. Leo hadn't moved a muscle and he didn't stir even when Jon sat on his side of the bed, brushing his bangs.

"Leo..." he whispered, shaking him lightly, "baby wak-" Jonah interrupted himself, noticing Leo was still wearing his office clothes. That was very unusual... So was the low heat rolling off of him.

"Goddammit Leo," Jon sighed, touching his face and feeling the low grade fever. He shook him a little harder, "Leo, wake up. You gotta eat something..."

Still nothing. By now, normally, the blonde would be blinking awake.

Jonah frowned, pushing the blankets down and shaking him a little more, "Leo, wake up..." his voice raised at the end as alarm bells started to go through his mind, so he all but rattled the other man, finally causing Leo to open his eyes.

Jon was about to let out a relieved sigh, but he didn't have the chance, as Leo slurred something unintelligible and then passed right back asleep.

Jonah rattled him again, harshly, and this time he got no reaction, not even a whine.

"Leo!" he called, leaning in so he could feel his boyfriend's breathing, planting two fingers to his jugular in search of a pulse. His own heart was drumming in his ears, so it took Jonah a second before he could differentiate what was his, what was Leo's.

The blonde's heartbeat were slow...Too slow. His breathing was weirdly timed.

Jonah felt vaguely dizzy as he looked around the room, in search of his coat. He had left his cellphone inside the pocket... He almost got sick as he saw the three different medications sitting on Leo's bedside table.

His usual Zoloft and Ambien and... Benadryl?

Jon frowned at the label, before shaking the antidepressant case and ambien. Both were still full, Leo hadn't taken more than he should... Or at least, it didn't look like he had, not on purpose.

"Baby," Jonah patted his cheeks, with more force than he'd normally use, "baby, open your eyes for me. Wake up-" he bit the inside of his cheek, before deciding that fuck that and splashing a little bit of water on his boyfriend's face.

Leo blinked, confused and drowsy, "why am I wet..." he groaned, attempting to go back to sleep, but Jonah stopped him, patting his cheek again.

"Leo, hey, look at me- How many pills did you take?"

"Uhm?" he yawned, his eyes starting to roll back again.

"LEO!" Jonah shook him vehemently, forcing the blonde to wake up, "how. many. pills?"

Leo groaned, rubbing his eyes, "Jon...?"

"Yes, baby, it's me," Jonah shook him again, holding the pill bottles in front of his face, "how many pills?"

"One," Leo slumped back against the pillow, "just one."

"Each?"

The blonde nodded, yawning again, "I don't feel so good..."

"I know, baby," Jon grabbed his shoulders again, forcing him to sit up once more, "c'mon, we're going to the ER."

"What...?" Leo groaned, slumping forward so his forehead met Jon's shoulder, "no, I'm not sick, I'm just... I'm just off..."

"Yeah, because you took two sedatives and your antidepressants," Jonah scoffed, looking one of Leo's arms around his neck, "c'mon, baby, get up."

"Jon, no, stop-" Leo weakly tried to shove off his chest, but his legs were almost jelly under him and the only thing keeping him up was Jonah holding him tightly, "I wanna sleep..."

"Nope," Jon dragged him out of the room, "no sleep for you until a psychiatrist checks you out."

"No!" Leo shoved at his arm and then stumbled back, falling sit on the edge of the bed. Jonah glared at him, feeling his own temper flare up, fueled by the sheer stress.

The stress of the situation, the panic of finding Leo like that, but also the overall stress that had been Halloween, followed by Leo's appendicitis, followed his quickly approaching deadlines...

"You're getting in the car even if I have to fucking carry you, Leo," Jonah glared at him, "get up."

If he expected to get a rise out of the blonde, he didn't. Instead Leo planted a hand on his chest and fell back on the bed, facing the ceiling as he groaned, "Jon, I feel really weird..."

"Yes, get up-"

"No, there's... There's someone standing in our hallway," Leo said and Jonah glanced at the open door and saw nothing, not even JD.

"There isn't, baby, its in your head..." he grabbed his boyfriend's arm, pulling him up again, "c'mon-"

"No, they're gonna get me."

"Ah fuck's sake," Jonah sighed, although while this was scary, he much rather have Leo fighting him and responsive than dead to the world, "no one is going to get you, Leo..."

All he got as an answer was a whimper.

"Fuck," Jon whispered, leaving the room in two steps to grab the coat he had hung behind the door and his phone, already dialing 911.

They asked him how many pills Leo had taken and upon Jonah's answer, a lady said "It doesn't sound like a suicide attempt, we're going to transfer you to poison control. Please stay on the line and stay calm."

A suicide attempt. Jonah's mouth dried as he sat right next to Leo on the bed, wrapping a hand around his wrist and feeling his pulse, barely listening as the poison control responder said that at this dosage going to the ER wasn't necessary. To keep checking on him and get loads of liquids on Leo, take him to emergency if he started throwing up or struggling to breathe.

Jon's ears were still ringing as he crouched down next to Leo again, now holding a glass of cold water, with a straw sticking out.

"C'mon, baby, just one sip, it's gonna help..."

Leo groaned again, but after a little more prodding, he did open his mouth and took the drink. Apparently he had been thirsty, because he drained the entire cup without much of Jonah's prodding.

He pulled back, looking slightly more awake, "Jon..." Leo clumsily grabbed his face, "something's wrong."

"I know, Leo," Jonah pulled back from the clumsy face squeeze, planting a kiss on the blonde's brow, "you'll feel better in the morning... Well, probably hungover as fuck, but you'll feel better in the morning..." his voice caught at the end and Leo pulled back, frowning.

"Are you sad...?"

"No, I'm fine, I'm fine," Jonah cleared his throat, "why did you take the benadryl?"

"What?" Leo blinked, struggling to keep his eyes open, "get into bed..."

"The third medication, Leo," Jonah raised the little box in front of his eyes, "why did you take it?"

"My head hurt..." Leo yawned, "had a fever... Couldn't find the right-" he yawned again, tugging on Jon's shirt to pull him closer, "the right one."

Jonah let out a little sigh of relief, allowing himself to get pulled into a clumsy, weird hug, the best that Leo's half sedated brain could do.

"I love you," he whispered, voice muffled by Leo's shirt and the blonde let out a hum, sounding like he was falling right back asleep. Still, Jonah did hear a faint, "love you too" said in return.

#leo wagner #mywriting #sedation #too much medication #light angst #sickfic

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sapphickorro · 1 year

Text

First Christmas Together

Pairing(s) - Agatha Harkness x fem!Reader

summary: Being alone on Christmas had become second nature to you, that was until Agatha came into your life, showing you just how special the holiday can be.

warnings: 18+, strap-on sex (r recieving), oral/face riding (a recieving), fingering (r receiving), dirty talk, mommy kink, Christmas, breeding kink, overstim if you squint, pet names (good girl, baby), smut, hurt/comfort

word count: 2,363

A/N: for all my people that are celebrating Christmas alone, just like me. To my non-Christmas readers, my apologies, your daily dose of fics will come back after the holidays.

ao3 - masterlist

Christmas time was always a sore subject for you. Watching couples and families walk into the jewelry store you work at to buy each other gifts. Even though it was Christmas, today was no different, if anything there were just more customers.

When you finally finish your shift and pass it off to your coworker that had just arrived, you check your phone to see unread messages from your girlfriend, Agatha.

“Call me when you finish your shift?” You quietly read to yourself. You smile down at your phone rolling your eyes at the gif she sent of a rabbit dressed in a Santa outfit. Your hands wander to the call button and press it.

It only takes her less than a minute to answer you, “Hey Aggie, just finished my shift.” You sit down on the bench outside of your building, your free hand finding comfort in your pocket from the cold.

“Want me to pick you up?” She says as she starts to get up putting on a coat. She answers the question herself as she walks out the door with her keys.

“I don’t want to bother you. Shouldn’t you have guests over right now?” You check the time on your phone seeing that it was already 6 in the night. “I’ll take the bus.”

“Nonsense, Wanda and Vis left earlier. It’s Christmas, can’t have you waiting around for a bus.” You hear the engine of her car start and you smile to yourself. This is the first Christmas where you aren’t taking the bus alone to get home.

“I love you.” You whisper into the phone. You can’t see it but Agatha smiles at your words. “I love you too.” Her words are full of love, even digitally you can feel it warming your heart. She sets the phone down onto the passenger seat and begins to drive to your workplace.

When she arrives you take up the place of her phone in the passenger seat and the drive back is quiet. A welcoming quiet.

“Are you going anywhere for Christmas?” Agatha asks you at a red light, looking at your solemn expression at the mention of Christmas. “Nah, I have nowhere to go.” You look back at her and her eyes soften. You can tell she’s pitying you.

“Don’t be upset at that, I’ve dealt with this for years. It’s not as upsetting every year that passes.” You say placing a hand on her right hand, giving her a tight squeeze.

She doesn’t say anything but begins to drive when the light turns green. When you turn your head back to look out the window you realize that she’s missed a turn. “Aggie, this is the wrong way back to my home.” You look at her again.

“I know, just enjoy the ride.” Her hand lets go of yours before finding them again after turning on the car radio, a Christmas station being played. You don’t question her as you sit curious at where you could be going.

“We’re here.” You look up and notice that you’re parked at an open mall. “Why did you bring me here?”

She opens her side of the door before walking towards yours to open it for you. She holds onto your hand as you step out admiring the bright Christmas lights that adorn the outside of the mall. The two of you walk inside and you take in just how large the mall truly is. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Christmas is the time of giving. You’ve already given so much to me, I think it’s time I give back.” She leans over to give you a kiss on your cheeks as you stare at her confusingly.

“I’m letting you have a shopping spree, hun.” She chuckles at your confusion. “What? I can’t do that. I’ve never spent more than 50 dollars at one place.” Your eyes widen at her preposition.

“Well, first time for everything.” She doesn’t let you respond before dragging you off to all of the stores.

When you finally finish all of your shopping, you’re left with bags on each of your hands. Agatha’s holding the majority of them before heading back to your car. Most of the items Agatha had to beg you to buy them as she thinks they’d look cute on you. In the end, she pays for all of the items without telling you the total after countless times of you begging for her to tell you how much you spent.

“I don’t know why you’d spend so much money on me.” You say looking down at your hands while Agatha drives home in the now pitch black night. “There’s no reason other than that you’re deserving of it.” She says focused on the road.

“Thank you.” You feel the emotions start flowing out of your eyes. You try to sniffle it away but Agatha hears your uneven breathing. She leans over again to take your hands in her own and rubs her thumb over your skin.

When you get to Agatha’s home you drop all the bags of items that she had bought for you before slamming your lips onto her own, your hands holding onto her face. She slides her hands down to your waist after slamming the door shut with her leg and then locking it.

She pulls back as she looks down at you, her eyes lidded, “You don’t have to repay me in sex you know.”

You smile up at her before peppering kisses all over her neck, “I know, I just find you extremely sexy right now.”

She smiles before picking you up in her arms and running up her stairs. You yelp out giggling and tightening your legs around her. She drops you down onto her bed, attacking you with kisses all over your face.

“Aggieee.” You drag out the ‘e’ sound as you laugh at her feathered kisses. She moves her hands down to the zipper of your jacket and unzips it. You help her get you out of the jacket by lifting your upper half up to slide it off your arms. You then take off your undershirt by pulling it from the bottom over your head.

Agatha does the honors of unclasping your bra and laying you down on your chest to admire your upper half. She groans at the sight of your breasts before swooping down to capture them with her mouth, alternating from each one to give each of them equal attention.

“It’s so icky down there, I need you so bad.” Your voice strains. Agatha runs her tongue down your stomach to the strings of your sweatpants. “You wanna show me how badly you need me by being a good girl for me?”

You nod fervently at her, your eye contact making your pussy pulse. Still maintaining that eye contact, Agatha undoes the knot of your sweatpants with her teeth before tugging the pants down to your ankles. As if she couldn’t be more attractive, your face flushes red. Your whole body heats up, surely thinking that the window in the room can open and your body heat would still keep the room warm.

Agatha gets up pulling your pants to the floor before taking off her own shirt. She undresses down to her underwear before pulling it off too. Your mouth practically drools at the sight of her nude body.

“You wanna be a good girl for Mommy?” She slowly crawls back towards you as you nod again. “Then be a good girl and make mommy cum.” She slowly lowers her pussy onto your face giving you a test ride as you stick out your tongue.

Your hands move their way up to her thighs as your tongue starts lapping at her folds. “Oh, baby. Yes, right there.” She starts riding your face slowly, placing her hands in your hair. Her head raises with her mouth wide open, moaning at the pleasure.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl.” Her hips start to speed up, riding you to try to get off quicker. She tugs at your hair when she feels herself getting closer and you moan into her clit sending the vibrations straight to her core.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum all over your pretty face.” She says before opening her mouth in a gasp. Her hips tense around you and you continue to lap at her, easing her through her orgasm. When she finally comes down from her high, she slides off of you, her back hitting the blankets beside you. Your face is covered with her juices as she laughs, kissing your lips and tasting herself on you.

You’re about to cuddle up to her when she gets up, standing at the side of the bed now, “Oh, I’m not done yet.” You sit up questioning what she’s about to do.

She walks into her closet and takes a couple minutes before coming back out, revealing the long strap hoisted around her waist. The color of the fake cock being red and white, imitating the colors of a candy cane.

Your eyes widen at the size of it, unsure if you were able to take it all. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” She says, sensing your anxiety at it. She gets back onto the bed kissing your forehead and then slowly kissing her way down to your thighs. She slowly tugs off your underwear, peppering kisses over your clit causing you to squirm under her. “Mommy, don’t tease.” She chuckles into your pussy, the vibrations making you rub your lower half over her face.

She leans back causing you to whine before slowly prodding a finger over your hole. She then inserts it into you causing you to moan softly.

“You’re so wet I bet my cock would just slide right in.” She inserts a second finger, working into you. Your bite your lips filtering your moans, “Don’t hide your lovely noises from me.” She leans up to your lips, capturing you in a heated kiss. When she pulls back she starts to ram her fingers into you causing you to gasp at the sudden speed change.

“Oh baby, if I could just keep you in my home forever and not have you worry about working for a dime ever again I would.” She groans at the sloshing sounds of your pussy. “Actually, we can. Why don't you quit your job hm? Move in with me, let me take care of you like a good mommy would.”

“I want to be yours forever, mommy.” You lift your hands to her face pulling her in for a deep kiss.

“I’m so close, mommy.” You moan into her mouth with your eyes tightly shut, Agatha’s fingers curl in you, pleasuring you in all the right spots. She starts marking your neck again, surely giving you hickeys to wake up to, tomorrow. You drop your hands down onto the bed, your fingers gripping the bed sheets.

“Let go, baby.” With her permission, you orgasm, moaning out her name. Agatha slows her fingers before pulling them out. You open your eyes to the sight of her sucking her fingers clean and moaning out, “You taste better than any treat in the world.”

Agatha waits till your breath evens back out before rubbing the tip of her strap over your folds. You try to pull away, “Mommy, too sensitive.”

She pulls you back by placing her hands on your waist and stilling you, “You can give mommy another right, baby?” You look into her eyes, she pulls the puppy dog eyes on you and you nod your head slowly, “I can try, mommy.”

“That’s my good girl.” She smiles at you before slowly nudging the tip into your pussy. You hold your breath as you feel yourself stretching out. Your eyes clenched shut. You feel one of your hands being lifted by Agatha’s hands. She slides her palm into yours, holding your hand to ease your nervousness.

“You’re doing so good for mommy.” She uses her other hand to wipe the tears that were falling down your cheeks. She slowly moves the whole length into you, allowing you time to get used to the stretch.

“You can move now, mommy.” You give her the okay and she starts to slowly move in and out of you. The pain easing up into pleasure as you clench her hand.

“Mommy, so full.” You groan out. “I know baby, I know.” You wrap your legs around her hips trying to feel her closer to you

Agatha starts to speed up into harsher thrusts. Her hips moving back and forth till the sound of skin slapping fills the room. You arch your back moaning at the strap hitting your walls in all the right spots, making you closer and closer to cumming.

“Gonna breed this pretty pussy.” She lowers her hands to the bed as she hovers over you, bottoming out. The bed creaks with the force she rams into you. “You want that, baby? Want our little pups running around celebrating Christmas with us?”

You nod your head, “Yes, want that so bad.” Your moans increase as Agatha’s head drops into your neck marking you more. Her grunts being music to your ears.

“Mommy, gonna cum.” She lifts her head to look at you, “Cum for me baby, cum around my cock.”

You release a guttural moan, arching your back and tightening the hold your legs have on Agatha’s hips. When your back lowers back onto the bed and your grip on Agatha’s hip loosens, she slides out of you, peppering kisses on your hands along the way.

You shut your eyes, feeling exhaustion and sleep wash over you before you’re awoken to a damp towel wiping your folds. You shift a little at the sensitive contact against your bud and Agatha drops a kiss on your clit one last time. She turns the towel to the other side before wiping the sweat off your forehead. Agatha climbs onto the bed, turning you to spoon your back.

“Merry Christmas my love.” She whispers into your hair.

“Merry Christmas, Aggie.” You respond quietly before falling asleep.

#﹔﹒ korro writes﹒ ෆ #agatha harkness x you #agatha harkness fic #agatha harkness smut #korro writes 🎞

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bluewinnerangel · 2 years

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hi there,

i hope this is the right place to share my story. i ended up on your blog because i have been trying to work through some things that have happened in my past and my research has brought me here. i wouldn't call myself a larrie per say but I have been doing a lot of reading in this space and a lot of what i read has resonated with my experience, so i thought i would share because i feel like my perspective would help a lot of people here understand the mechanics of closeting a lot better.

the bottom line is, i was a beard. i'm from a northern european country and what you would call conventionally pretty. when i was in my early twenties i tried to make a living through modelling and the odd bit of acting. never anything international or anything that would make me recognisable, but for a couple of years i made a decent living through it and managed to work my way around my country's entertainment industry quite well. about a year in, my management company suggested i went on a few dates with one of their clients, who was an up and coming singer (ironically, he had started out on a reality singing tv show). at first i thought they were trying to actually set us up, but it became pretty clear to me that he was gay and closeted. we spent more than a year and a half "together", while his career was taking off. i could go into more detail about contracts and stuff, although stakes for us were much lower than what we're discussing on this blog, but i am bound by an nda so i really wont go into any details about the relationship.

what i came here to say, though, is that i think a lot of people see the relationship between a closeted celebrity and their beard as something black and white, a purely transactional exchange between two people that despise each other, and its really not like that at all. i spent more time with my "bf" during those two years than i did with anyone else in my life. we traveled together, i spent time with his family, went to a lot of his shows - that life can be quite lonely and we actually became really good friends through it. when he won an award, i was genuinely happy and moved for him. when i saw the pictures taken of me crying of joy, it wasn't an act. we spent a lot of time together that wasn't for the cameras, pretended to be a couple even at private dinners or events. only a handful of people knew we weren't a real couple, and that includes only one of my very close friends at the time. we shared a room and a bed. i think people here look at what is happening with harry and olivia wilde and think that they don't spend any more time together than what is put on the internet, and i know for a fact that it's not true. i also know for sure that they are not a couple, i look at them and see my past, clear as day. two people bound together by an agreement, who at least partially enjoy each others company, but who are not romantically involved. i think people here spend a lot of time looking for hatred and disgust in their interactions, and i don't think you will find that. what you'll see is two adult coworkers making the best of a very unusual situation.

now, i'm not here to defend olivia wilde. i don't know her and don't particularly like her, and the time i spent with someone closeted has given me endless sympathy for people who are in the same situation and much much less for those who even partially take advantage of that (me included, though i cut myself a bit more slack because i was young, naive and also very much a victim of an abusive industry). but i do see in her things i used to feel, and i thought it might be interesting for you all to understand that. there was a specific period of time, when my "bf" was at the peak of his very shortlived career, where i really got lost in the illusion of being the girlfriend of a star, and i lost myself for a bit. when i would walk in a room with him and everyone stared and envied me, i liked that. i felt like i was most desirable, most enviable, to the point where i almost forgot that our relationship wasn't real. it wasn't being with him that was special to me, it was being perceived as his gf that gave me the biggest thrill. it became almost an addiction, i was near the stage at his shows every single time, and when i see olivia wilde doing the same i see myself. i think she knows, intellectually, that she is not harry's partner, and that this has an expiration date, but for people who live in the public eye and that are severely narcissistic like she is (and to an extent i was), the public life is the only one that matters, so in a sense if she is perceived as harry styles's girlfriend then she will BE, in her heart of hearts, harry styles's girlfriend, and i imagine that is a pretty addictive feeling.

i hope i didn't bore you with this and that you understand my goal in sharing this with you all. there is no point in overanalysing their interactions or in projecting your dislike of her onto harry. he probably likes her well enough, and will also be completely fine once their contract ends and they go their separate ways (my hunch is that it will be soon but who knows). i know that nuance is not big on the internet, and these are ugly feelings to open up about, and god knows i do that enough in therapy. but i see what you're all doing here and i know it is painful and can feel hopeless. all i can offer is, you're not wrong. you're not conspiracists. this is how it works, but since it's real life it's all a lot more nuanced than it looks.

ps my former "bf" is now very happy with his partner. he's not out publicly but has been out in his private life for a while now. we still see each other every once in a while. it gets better :)

#thank you for sharing #long post

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chainsawctopus · 1 year

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What do u think of yoshiden

Oh boy. If you're here on my account then you probably already know who I am and how absolutely insane I am for them, but I'm gonna ramble anyway LOL thanks for giving me the opportunity to show people on Tumblr how insane I am ‼✌😁 If people who don't know me from twitter find this, hi I'm TK! I may be a little deranged for Yoshiden, just a tiny bit y'know- Yoshiden means a lot to me for various reasons but I'll just put down all my insane ramblings down belowwww [CSM Spoilers if anime onlys/new readers find this post somehow] [Serious Section] -Denji's distrust/disliking for men/straight up internalized homophobia is most likely because of his past abusers being male (the mafia and his father), so if he starts to trust Yoshida throughout the course of part 2 and they end up forming an actual bond, whether it's romantic or platonic, it kind of helps Denji get over his distrust and help him cope with that trauma knowing that hey not all dudes are that bad actually, this guy's pretty nice. (You could say that Beam already did that and they had a good bond too but Beam is... y'know... *finger across neck* bleh... and Denji still emphasizes he wouldn't let a dude sit on him in 104 so...)

-Surprise surprise, I'm in on the bi Denji agenda because I'm bisexual and all my favs have to be bi 😁😁/hj But seriously, bi Denji is a pretty good concept cause aside from getting rid of his internalized homophobia, it also helps him get over/cope with his trauma as I said above. Part 1 was all about Denji learning about different kinds of love (familial love from the Hayakawa family, romantic love from Reze, and the mess that is sexual->maternal->abusive love from Makima, etc etc), so exploring his sexuality in part 2 could be a nice little addition to that. (Bonus points for the new kind of familial love he has for Nayuta now that he's her older brother/father figure; bonus BONUS points if Yoshida's the other dad LOL) [Delusional Absolutely Normal Section] -Yoshida's canonically a pretty boy as stated by another guy, so maybe if Denji stares at him long enough he'll realize guys can be as pretty as girls too and think it's fine to find guys attractive LMAO

-We all agree Yoshida's gay or at least mspec mlm leaning/preference right? Right. -Anyway, I'M A TOTAL SUCKER FOR ONE-SIDED LOVE STORIES LOL I'd like to think Yoshida has coworkers who could've taken the job of watching over Denji but he deliberately asked to do the job because he found him cute back in part 1, though realistically he probably only got chosen for the job cause he knew about Denji's identity already and he's also in high school, but we're not here for realism, we're here for gay people. (Gay people being Hirofumi Yoshida.) (Did you see him at the table with Angel while Denji and Power were talking about barf and stuff? Dude was smiling while listening to them talk about random shit, he probably became interested in Denji then and there; hell, even the goddamn onigiri scene where Denji still eats it after it fell to the ground probably made him go 'woah this guy is sick in the head I'm in love') Back to the one sided thing, the idea of Yoshida being willing to die while protecting Denji is???? insane??? and I love it because it really shows how devoted he is not only to his job but to Denji in general. He's never truly lost his temper at Denji, even when he used his bare hands on the cake, even when he let himself get sat on by girls, and even how he only wants to reveal himself as Chainsaw Man just to get a girlfriend. Sure, he called him hopeless in the recent chapter, but he never raised his voice or fought back. He's always trying to be patient with him even when he's being completely ridiculous. Copypasting what I've said on twitter here: If someone started scooping and eating the cake I bought with their bare hands, I wouldn't just sit there and go "Aaaaaah!", I'd definitely get pissed. Yoshida has FEELINGS for this boy, I swear. He said NOTHING about it. NOTHING. No "Why the hell'd you do that?" or "Dude that's gross" OR ANYTHING, he immediately just goes back to talking about trying to prevent Denji from revealing his identity. If someone I liked, however, would eat cake with their bare hands, I'd just be embarrassed but also find it cute so I'd let it slide. (Tested and proven 👍)

If, miraculously, Yoshida canonically confesses to Denji, he'd probably still pine for him even if Denji turns him down, which he probably will. Yoshida realizes, after being his bodyguard for a while, that he really enjoys Denji and being around him; he'd get too attached to those feelings and still shower him with appreciation even if he knows it'll never be reciprocated. Just knowing that Denji's being given the love he deserves is enough for him, even if Denji doesn't want or care about that love. It's kinda selfish of Yoshida, but he doesn't care, all he cares about is that he likes Denji and he's willing to keep that up until he dies. -Anywayyyyy, even though they're both good in battle they're both absolute fucking losers LOL Yoshida getting thrown out the window is and will always be my favorite scene from him. Denji got called a loser by Asa, so maybe if Denji just turned his head 90 degrees after that rejection, he would've seen another loser and they could've been the most pathetic loser4loser couple in existence, it's great, c'mon Denji just accept you can like men already

-I kinda maybe kin Yoshida soooo- 💀 I mostly started kinning him for his appearance and how he's visibly deranged in part 1 LOL, but seeing his attitude towards Denji in part 2 really made me like wow he just like me fr‼ I'm sick in the head for this cute guy who is also kinda sick in the head‼ So yeah that really added to my appreciation for yoshiden LMAOSKJSDKF Ok that's all it's almost 6am and my brain is empty, maybe I'll add to this later, hopefully that answers your question anon 😁👍‼‼‼💥💥💥 I dunno if you expected an essay but BOOM, I hope I get a good score LOL

#chainsaw man #chainsawman #csm #yoshiden #yoshidenji #denji #hirofumi yoshida #can't believe my first serious post on tumblr is a goddamn yoshiden ramble but hey what else did you expect from tk chainsawctopus right #if shipping yoshiden got me a boyfriend then everyone should just start shipping yoshiden to find love it'll work 100% trust me #it's kinda funny cause my bf is literally the ceo of yoshiden #follow punkkrat right now or explode sorry you have no choice #i remember some1 asked him to make a 50 paragraph essay abt yoshiden and he said that's my thing so i hope that anon sees this post hey ano #anyway stream in the back room by syudou

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novastories · 1 year

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I Will Rescue You

Title and story inspired the song “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle.

Summary: The team solves a case, and Aurora learns to open up.

Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping, gun and knife usage, and attempted suicide (from the perpetrator, not heavily detailed.)

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: I just want to thank everyone for all the new support recently, it means the world to me that people are reading my story!

I’m so excited for the next upcoming chapters! We will get Bradley soon I promise! The next chapter though, is going to shift the story to what I’ve been waiting for! And probably what everyone else has been waiting for! 🫣Please listen to the song if you can! I love having songs for each chapter. This one definitely has a double meaning, where not only do they rescue someone, but Aurora gets rescued by her found family. 💛

Shoutout to my beta reader, and editor @reginleight!

On that note! Please enjoy the chapter. As always, comments, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated! 🤭

Previous | Next | Masterlist

“Okay, what do you have for me?” Gibbs asks.

It was the next day and Aurora had come back to the office, with a clearer mindset, and the determination to crack this case..

Tony, Ziva, McGee, and Aurora were researching anything and everything they could on the petty officer and who would have motive to kill him.

“Girlfriend checks out. She was at a job conference with coworkers able to back up her story,” McGee was the first to reply.

“Same with Lieutenant Seresin,” Aurora follows up. “We were able to eliminate him as a suspect due to the DNA Abby had found under the victim’s fingernails when he was defending himself, as well as on a metal pipe aka the murder weapon. And he was seen by a few officers on board that he was passed out in his bunk.”

“Anyone else, or are you just telling me that we have run out of suspects?” Gibbs sighs, his frustration beginning to show.

“I think I found something,” Tony reports, quickly setting down his phone.

“An ex-girlfriend of the petty officer. Her name is-”

“Emma Reynolds. Made several calls to our petty officer, including the night that he was killed,” Ziva interrupts Tony.

“Made several voicemails threatening him too,” Tony interjects after Ziva interrupted him.

“Why didn’t we find that in our initial search?” Gibbs asks.

“They were erased. We just got the cell phone restored due to the information Abby got.” Ziva shrugs.

“What does she say in the voicemail?” McGee asks.

“Listen for yourself,” Dinozzo replies, putting the voicemail on speaker for the group to listen..

“You will regret ever dumping me. You get to go off and date a new girl while getting the satisfaction of being in a happy relationship? No way! You’re going to pay for what you did. Including whoever told you about me cheating on you!”

“So we have a motive and evidence!” Aurora exclaims.

“Is that enough for a warrant?” McGee quirks a brow in question.

All of a sudden, a phone rings out causing everyone to look toward the source. Aurora.

“Sorry, oh wait, hold on,” Aurora tells them, confused at seeing the caller ID. “It’s Jake.”

“Jake?” Gibbs asks.

“Lieutenant Seresin,” Aurora explains before answering the phone. “Agent Benjamin.”

“Why did you kidnap me?” Jake questions, his voice sounding a bit far away.

“Because you are the only person who knows my identity, and now you’re going to take the blame for Derek’s death!” a female voice yells out.

“NCIS is going to find you, and when they do they’re going to put you in jail” Jake retorts, his voice raising almost matching the woman’s.

“Jake’s been kidnapped by the killer, sounds female,” Aurora examines the call, as she places her phone on speaker. From what she can gather, Jake must have dialed her number so they could find him.

“Fits the ex-girlfriend's motive,” Tony affirms.

“McGee-”

“On it boss,” McGee says, interrupting Gibbs as he starts tracing the phone. While he does that, the team starts gearing up so they could leave as soon as they had the location. Aurora sets the phone down and mutes her side of the call. She makes sure to grab her knife, gun, and badge.

“Alright, got it. Looks like an abandoned house 15 minutes from here.”

“Let’s go!” Gibbs shouts as the team runs out, hoping to save Jake on time and capture the killer.

—

“David, secure the perimeter. Artemis, you and I will go in from the front. Dinozzo, McGee, side entrance and back got it?”

“Got it boss.” They all reply.

Everyone moved into position, as Aurora adjusted her vest, making sure her gun was loaded. On Gibb’s signal, she kicks down the door to the abandoned house.

“Freeze! NCIS!” she yells out, aiming her gun inside the house.

Jake Seresin was tied up to a chair, eyes a bit glazed over, while a woman holding a gun to his head stood behind him. Remembering the picture and profile she’d seen, Aurora instantly recognized her as the ex-girlfriend, Emma Reynolds.

Aurora’s eyes flashed from when she was tied up and tortured, before the memory could overtake her, she shook it off and fought against it. She had to get Jake safely out of here, she needed to do her job.

Noting Emma’s facial expression, it appeared she did not expect the NCIS team to find her so soon.

“You come any closer, and Lieutenant Seresin here gets a bullet in his brain!” the woman threatens.

“Emma, you don’t want to do that!” Gibbs shouts at her.

“Emma, just put the gun down-” Aurora yells before she is interrupted by Emma.

“NO! I will not go to jail for something that was justified! Derek deserved to die! He got what was coming to him!”

“Emma, calm down. Here I’ll put my gun away, just put yours down too.” Aurora slowly began to holster her gun. Gibbs, standing next to Aurora, kept his gun trained on the woman in case she decides to change her target.

Seeing as she wasn’t going to make a move in doing so just yet, Gibbs spoke up. “Just let Lieutenant Seresin go. He’s an innocent bystander-”

“No, he isn’t! If it wasn’t for him, Derek wouldn’t have broken up with me!”

“You cheated on him with another officer on the ship! He thought it was me! I had to tell him!” Jake yells out to defend himself.

“And y-you were going to take the b-blame for his death,” Emma stamers.

“Emma, it’s over. Put down the gun!” Aurora shouts at the woman. There was a bang, and soon Ziva, McGee, and Tony surrounds her, guns in hand.

Emma grew frustrated. “I’m not going to jail!”

“There is no other way, Emma!” Aurora tells her.

Slowly, Emma removes the gun from Jake’s head.

Aurora sighs in relief until seeing Emma then turn the gun to her own head. Just as she’s about to pull the trigger, Aurora acts quickly, whipping out her knife and expertly throwing it at the gun, knocking it clean from Emma’s hand.

Left defenseless and with no more cards up her sleeve, Ziva takes her down just as Tony retrieves the knocked gun. Gibbs and Aurora let out a breath that they were holding before Aurora helps McGee untie Jake from the chair. She grabs her knife that was left impaled into the wall before kneeling down beside Jake, scanning over his body for any injuries. A small scratch on his cheek, and a small bump on his head, but other than that he seemed unharmed.

“You came,” Jake smiles at Aurora.

“You called,” she replied, smirking at him. She uses her knife to help cut away any remaining rope. McGee then unties the last of the rope leaving Jake no longer bound to the chair. He stands up and sways a little. Aurora quickly puts her knife in her holster and stands to support him before he could fall.

“Ok Hangman, time to get you checked by the paramedics,” she chuckles at Jake’s actions, leading him outside to where local LEOs and paramedics were on the scene.

Gibbs was talking to a local LEO while Aurora helped Jake sit at the back of the ambulance, with Tony, Ziva, and McGee trailing behind them.

“Thank you. All of you,” Jake says, giving all of them a sincere look of gratitude.

“It’s our job, we’re just glad you’re alright,” Ziva says, speaking for the team. Her eyes just so happen to wander to Aurora, suspecting there might be something going on between the two in front of her.

“I’m really glad you’re okay, Jake,” Aurora smiles.

The paramedics soon come up saying that they will need to bring the lieutenant to the hospital for a check up. Before they could leave, Aurora stopped Jake, giving him a concerned look. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Nah,” shaking his head, Jake gave her a confident grin. “I’ll just get a quick check up and head to NCIS for a statement. I’ll meet you back at the Navy yard, Mitchell?”

She smiles at hearing her last name.

“See ya in a bit then, Hangman.” Jake waves to all of them as he’s loaded into the back of the ambulance, soon disappearing from sight as they leave. Aurora turns around and sees her team looking at her, confused.

“Mitchell?” Ziva asks, confused.

Aurora sighs. “I’ll explain when we get back to the Navy yard.”

—

“So, wait. Your last name is actually Mitchell?” McGee asks incredulously, trying to wrap his head around the new information. In fact, the whole team was trying to wrap their heads around this one.

Aurora sat down at her desk in the bullpen, while Tony, Ziva, Abby, McGee, and Palmer stood around her.

“Yep,” Aurora confirms as she puts her hand under her chin, trying to gauge her team’s response and facial expressions.

Tony and McGee looked at each other, before they ran to their desks to pull up information. Aurora and Ziva look at each other and roll their eyes as Abby and Palmer chuckle at their antics. McGee then says he found something and puts it up on the bullpen TV screen. On it, showed her dad’s profile.

“Woah, he’s hot.” Abby acknowledges looking at her dad’s official Navy photo.

“Abby!” Aurora laughs at her outburst. Ziva nods approvingly at Abby’s comment, agreeing with her.

“Wait, I have another one too,” Tony says, as he puts another profile up on the screen right next to her dad’s. It was her brother’s.

“Oh, he’s cute too! How are you related to good looking men, Rory?” Abby asks as Aurora chuckles at her antics, choosing not to answer the rhetorical question.

“Your dad is Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell?!” Tony said, not believing it.

Aurora laughs and nods. “And that’s my brother. You both work fast.”

“Wait? What’s a Maverick?” Ziva asks, confused.

“Not a what, a who. Maverick is his call sign. States here Captain Mitchell is a highly decorated captain, a naval aviator graduated from Top Gun in ‘86,” McGee summarized from the profile he found “Has medals and awards, and currently is the pilot in a secret Mach 10 project, called the Darkstar.”

“Callsign?” Ziva’s brows furrow. “What’s a callsign?”

“A nickname each naval aviator has rather than using their actual name,” Aurora explains.

“And then there’s Chief Petty Officer Peyton Benjamin-Mitchell. He’s a naval aviation mechanic, graduated from the Naval Academy, currently deployed on the USS Franklin, with a stop in Japan,” Tony reads from the profile.

“Well that explains the postcard,” Ziva acknowledges.

“Actually half,” Aurora smirks at Ziva and Abby knowing they’ll be wondering what she meant by that.

“Your dad is a legend!” McGee exclaims. “I’ve heard of the Mitchell name from my dad so many times.”

“The Mitchell Legacy,” Aurora sarcastically mumbles.

“Why didn’t you tell us this before? Why are you telling us now?” Ziva asks.

Aurora takes a deep breath and lets it out.

“I didn’t want you all to treat me differently,” Aurora shrugs. “Take you, for example, Ziva. Everyone connects you to your dad who’s the head director of Mossad. They assume things about you and you’ve had to prove them wrong, as well as step up to your position. I just wanted a clean slate, a way to make my own name and not be connected to the Mitchell name,” she explains.

“But why tell us now?” Abby reiterates Ziva’s last question, standing next to the woman.

Aurora looks at all of them and smiles. “Because it was time to come clean to you all. You are also my family, you have been there for me, and I figured it was time to trust you all to know the rest of me.”

Abby finally bursts, throwing her arms around her friend in a big hug, Ziva joining in as well.

“Wait, then how does Lieutenant Seresin know about your last name?” McGee asks.

“Because I know her brother and her boyfriend,” a voice interrupts and they all turn towards it. Jake Seresin stood there, back from the hospital, smirking at them.

“Wait, boyfriend?!” The team yells out, as Aurora rolls her eyes at Jake.

“Best friend.” Aurora corrects, looking at him. “Glad to see you’re doing better.”

“Well, I guess I have you to thank for that,” he confesses.

“McGee, you should probably bring Lieutenant Seresin to the conference room for his statement? Gibbs is probably waiting for him there,” Tony tells McGee, his tone commandeering. McGee rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue.

“Sure, right this way Lieutenant,” McGee says, leading Jake to the stairs up the conference room.

They all watch Jake and McGee disappear going up the stairs before then turning back to Aurora.

“Ok, talk to us about this best friend/boyfriend of yours!” Abby exclaims, excitedly.

“And your brother!” Ziva insists.

Aurora groans but then proceeds to tell them all about Bradley and Peyton.

—

“So, you’re heading out?” Aurora asks Jake. He had just come back down after having to give his statement on the case and went straight to joining Aurora at her desk.

“Yep, the USS Seahawk is bound for departure in a few hours,” Jake replies, as he takes a look at the picture she had pinned on a corkboard behind her.

After she came clean to her team, she started putting pictures of her family that she had hid away in her desk drawer, including the postcard from Bradley and Peyron.

“Wow, what a way to spend time off the ship. Kidnapped, spending most of the time in the Navy Yard,” Aurora sarcastically replies to him.

“I still can’t believe she hid in your car that you were borrowing, hit you on the head, drove the car with you in it, and then dragged you into that abandoned house And you STILL didn’t wake up until she tightened the rope,” Aurora looks at Jake in disbelief.

“Hey, she had a strong arm, and upper body strength!” Jake remarks, tearing his gaze away from the corkboard.

“It’s a good thing she was so focused on kidnapping you, she forgot to take your phone away.”

“I’m just glad your number was the one I pressed, and not like your brother’s,” Jake cringes at the thought.

Aurora nods, because Peyton wouldn’t answer since he’s at sea.

Deep down, she was sad he was leaving. She had really bonded with Jake, and he was one of the reasons why she started opening up to her team.

“At least I finally got to meet THE Artemis. Everyone is going to be so jealous,” Jake teases.

Aurora laughs and smiles at him. “Be safe? I know how you flyboys get when you’re in those fighter jets,” she sassily remarks at him.

“Always am safe,” he winks at her.

She shakes her head. “And, please don’t give Bradley a hard time when you see him. I know you two butt heads a lot of times,” she advises.

“Well, he starts it,” he protests, making her chuckle at his remark.

“And you and Peyton? I won’t say anything.” She winks.

Jake rolls his eyes, looking away. “Nothing is even there.”

“Yet.”

“You be safe too Mitchell,” changing the subject, Jake returns his gaze to her. “Still can’t believe you brought a knife to a gunfight.”

“Hey, that knife saved your life!” They both chuckle. Jake turns to the rest of the team to give them a goodbye and thanks as well. Aurora stands up after he says his last goodbye to Tony, who also weirdly he had bonded with as well.

“Let me walk you to the elevators,” Aurora volunteers. Without any protest from him, they walk to the elevator as Jake hits the button to go down.

“Call me sometime,” Jake tells her as they stand waiting for the elevator.

She chuckles and shakes her head. “Here we go again with the flirting.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” Jake jokes. Once the elevator doors open and Jake’s inside, he gives Aurora one final wave goodbye.

“See you next time, Artemis.”

“See ya around, Hangman.”

—

“You heading home yet Arty-choke?” Dinozzo asks Aurora, as the team starts packing up for the day.

“That was the worst nickname you’ve ever made up, DiNaggy,” Aurora retorts looking up from what she was writing.

“Hey, I give my best with what’s been given! And DiNaggy isn’t your best either.”

“It is, you nag me a lot. But I am still partial to DiNutsos.”

Tony sticks his tongue out at her in retaliation.

“I still can’t believe your brother’s nickname is Apollo, when we gave you Artemis. What are the odds of that happening?” McGee ponders.

“I still can’t believe you came from a Naval aviation legacy, and still went into a career Navy adjacent,” Tony marvels at Aurora’s background.

“And I still can’t believe you all are still here,” Gibbs snaps as he looks up from his paperwork that he was finishing. “Do you need me to assign more work?”

“Nope!” “No thanks!” Tony and McGee reply, grabbing their bags and saying their goodbyes to everyone before heading out for the elevators..

Shaking her head, Aurora went back to writing, noticing out of the corner of her eye when Ziva approached her desk.

“Hey, wanna go to the bar with Abby and I? I’ll buy the first round,” Ziva offers, trying to convince her friend to go out with them.

“Yeah, can I actually meet you both there? I’m just going to finish up something and make a quick phone call real quick. I can’t stay out too long though. I want to get home to my puppy,” Aurora replies.

Ziva chuckles. “Yeah, sounds good. See you in a bit!” She walks out, headed to the elevators as Aurora goes back to her writing.

A few minutes pass by as she folds the paper, and puts it in an envelope. As she’s about to write on the envelope, she sees Gibbs turn off his desk light, a signal that he’s heading home.

Gibbs stands and turns to Aurora. “You doing alright, kiddo? You did good today.”

She smiles at Gibbs. “I’m doing a lot better, Gibbs. Thank you for today, last night, and for all the days that I’ve been on this team,” she tells him.

Gibbs chuckles, and kisses the top of her head, a fatherly gesture. “We’re always here for you, Artemis. Go home soon, alright?”

“Yes’sir,” Aurora says, giving a mock salute as Gibbs shakes his head before heading out.

Sighing, she puts a hand to her head. No panic attacks today, for that Aurora was grateful. She knew she was going to have to take it a few days at a time. She was going to schedule a therapist that was recommended to her by McGee and she was going to be alright.

Coming out of her thoughts, Aurora went back to the envelope, putting the name and address on it before slipping it into her bag. She was going to mail it out in the morning. Peyton and Bradley would get it hopefully at a speedy pace. She then turns her chair and sees her corkboard, not as bare anymore.

Pictures of her family, Bradley, Goose, Carole, Ice and Sarah were now displayed proudly. She takes a photo into her hands, holding it as if it would help the memory come back to life. The last picture she had of the trio, taken by her Uncle Goose at the graduation party. Aurora in the middle laughing while Peyton made a funny face and Bradley smiling down at Aurora. The one time she can remember being happy.

She smiles as she puts the photo next to a photo of the NCIS team during one Thanksgiving she had spent with them when she wasn’t able to go home to San Diego that year. She leans back into her chair, biting the inside of her cheek.

Aurora was nervous for this phone call, but she knew it was something she needed to do sooner rather than later. She grabs her phone off her desk and clicks on the number that she had called a few times. Putting the phone to her ear, she waits and listens to the phone ring until she hears the person answer on the other end.

“Hello?”

Aurora’s eyes started to water at hearing his voice, a voice she had missed and wished she had called more often. She took a deep breath, nervous to come clean to him about everything, her panic attacks, her PTSD. Aurora was scared of his reaction because she knew all he wanted was to protect her. But she was ready to tell him, no more hiding.

“Hi dad.”

---

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Disclaimer: This story is fictitious. All works are written by me and only posted here. Please do not copy, repost, or plagiarize on any other platform without my permission!

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peaceisadirtyword · 2 years

Text

august (modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!! Please don’t hate me, July was a mess for me and I’m in Denmark right now trying to get my life together in some way! I will explain everything in a separate post if you want me to! But anyway, I had this written and as August just started I'd thought I’d post this😅 I think my writing is not what it once was, but I truly hope you like this one♥️ because I really enjoyed writing it.

I won’t bother you anymore, I’ll let you read and (hopefully) enjoy🥰 thank you!

Warnings: smut, a bit of angst, it’s ivar, he’s in love with Freydis

Words: +8k (I’m so sorry lol)

based on the song august by Taylor Swift🖤

Moodboard by me (taking screenshots and pics from pinterest!)

Ivar Lothbrok was the last person you expected to ask you on a date. You had been nervous about his presence for the entire evening, while Ivar and his brothers were sitting in the small bar you worked at, just in front of the beach, and ordering drinks as they watched the football game. It shouldn’t have surprised you to see them there, half of Kattegat went to the bar whenever there was a match, as your boss had decided to put an enormous TV to attract more customers to the big terrace just outside his local. He was happy as hell, but you preferred the quiet evenings of the early summer, when only some tourists and regulars came to grab a quick beer and maybe something to eat. But that day was even more chaotic.

Dealing with drunk guys was a nightmare itself, but when those guys were also mad because Norway was losing against Sweden it became too much to handle. Luckily, your coworker was nice enough to change tables with you so you wouldn’t have to deal with them. He had more experience in that field anyway.

But turning around and seeing the Lothbrok men sitting on one of the largest tables made you wonder whether it was better to deal with drunk men or with your childhood crush and his entire family.

They were polite and nice. Apparently, Ragnar Lothbrok was back in town for the summer, and Björn, his eldest son, was back from southern Europe where he had spent the entire winter working on his own business. So the entire city of Kattegat knew they were there, even if they didn’t make an effort to acknowledge the rumours surrounding their family.

Hvitserk and Ubbe recognized you. It wasn’t until Ragnar asked why you looked so familiar and Ubbe added that you were always in Ivar’s class that he raised his head to look at you with curiosity. Even if Ubbe, Hvitserk and Sigurd knew you -they had hooked up with some of your friends back in high school- you didn’t remember talking to him since primary school, when you broke some kid’s nose because he was messing with Ivar. The both of you were in detention together that day, until Aslaug came to pick him up and he left. Even then, he barely talked to you. But it didn’t stop you from developing a very strange crush on him, a crush that no matter how many people you dated, it wouldn't go away.

Until he got a girlfriend. You remembered the way your heart seemed to stop and your stomach twisted so much you thought you’d be sick when you saw them together on campus. You had cried, feeling stupid because he probably didn’t remember you existed, and had to endure an entire year of them being together, until Freydis left him just before summer. You tried not to feel happy, knowing Ivar was head over heels for her and he would probably be heartbroken but even if you felt the worst person in the world, you were still happy she left.

It was the first time you saw Ivar since the summer started, and he barely curved his lips to smile at you for a second and he went back to looking down at his own lap while his brothers chatted around him.

After taking their orders you went back to the bar to get the drinks, and you spent the rest of your shift so focused on your work that you missed Ivar’s stares. Hvitserk wouldn’t stop pestering him about how nice you looked that summer, and that he should ask you out as you had always had a crush on him. Ivar didn’t fully believe his brother’s words but you did look cute, and the thought of moving on and forgetting Freydis with someone else was very attractive for him, so maybe it was that what made him walk over to the bar while you cleaned some glasses and prepared to close, after his family was already walking down the street after Norway lost the match. Not that they cared so much, as they were half Swedish and half Danish.

You looked completely taken aback when he left the piece of paper with his number on the bar, barely making any eye contact with you in case you burst out laughing.

Instead, you stuttered a bit while asking him what was it, and tried to fix your hair, flustered and knowing you didn’t look your best, after an entire evening of running around carrying drinks.

“I thought we could maybe…” Ivar had cleared his throat, hating Hvitserk and himself at that moment “Go out sometime, if you want to”.

So a week later, after a few days processing that Ivar Lothbrok asked you out and building the courage to text him, you sat on the now cold sand of the beach with an ice cream on your hand and looking at the fjord in front of you, still tense because you sat next to your crush. He invited you to the cinema, and he had been polite but still distant and somewhat cold when you went to grab a late dinner, almost like he was being forced to be there. His blue eyes avoided yours and he barely spoke.

You had a very interesting conversation about politics, when you commented on a very hot topic on international politics and Ivar raised an eyebrow and seemed to listen to you for the first time that day. But the conversation died when you couldn’t find common ground on a specific topic.

And you were about to finish your ice cream and go back home, to inform your friends that it had been a disaster and that Ivar was by no means interested in you. It would hurt to process that, but a night out with your girls and maybe a hookup with a random tourist would help.

Until he spoke, with his eyes still fixed on the sun that disappeared behind the ocean.

“I remember you”

You stopped licking the ice cream, turning to look at him with a confused expression.

“I remember you would defend me in school” he added, finally looking at you “I remember you standing up for me even if I didn’t ask you to”

“Yeah” you shrugged “I know how it feels when everyone decides to hate you just because they feel like hating someone”

“You were the only one in class that stood up for me” he shrugged “I never said thank you”

“It’s nothing” you giggled “Honestly, it was many years ago, you had enough on your plate to stop and think about me” you shook your head. Ivar as a child not only had to deal with a disease, but also with his parent’s separation, his father’s absence and his mother’s addictions. You remembered hearing your family talk about it for years.

“Yes but I kept seeing you in high school and at university” he said “And I never said anything”

You tried to hold back an excited smile.

“You didn’t need to invite me out to thank me”

“I didn’t invite you out because of that” he raised an eyebrow “I did because I thought…” he looked down, his cheeks reddening softly “I thought you were interesting and I would like to get to know you…”

And my brothers pushed me, he thought. Ubbe and Hvitserk wouldn’t stop trying to make him talk to girls since Freydis left. And you were the only one Ivar kind of liked out of all the girls they had proposed.

“Oh” you smiled brightly at him “Well, that’s nice” you giggled “Nice to meet you, then, I’m Y/N” you offered your hand. Ivar looked at it for a moment and you’d swear you saw his lips curved on a small smile. The first time he smiled at you.

“Ivar” he took your hand “Nice to meet you”

____________________________________

Kattegat’s Port was one of the biggest in Scandinavia. Everyone agreed that it was impressive and the entire city was proud of it. But soon, you learnt Ivar preferred the old, small harbour that had only small boats and ships that imitated the viking longships. Most of them were made by Floki, Ivar’s uncle (even if you were very sure that they didn’t share the same bloodline), and he had spent most of his childhood in that place. A bit further away from the city centre, it looked like the perfect place for a late picnic on a summer evening, and somehow you managed to change shifts at work as soon as Ivar called to invite you.

This would be your third… Date? You weren’t sure whether they could be called dates or not, as he hadn’t made any move towards you, maybe he was just lonely and in need of a friend. In any case, and even if your heart broke a bit more whenever you thought about it, you were fine with being his friend, way more than you had ever imagined.

You had to admit the place was beautiful, cosier than the port and even romantic. Ivar was already there when you arrived, with your favourite dress on and a strawberry cake you had managed to make even if you were too nervous. There was some food over a plaid blanket and Ivar admitted his brothers helped him to do it.

“This place is beautiful” you muttered, looking at the closest longship that swayed in the water.

“Floki built all of these” Ivar said, making you look at him with a small smile. After spending some time with him, you learnt that his tone of voice changed whenever he talked of someone or something that meant a lot for him.

You remembered Floki and Helga, as she had been the best doctor in town and probably the sweetest human being you had ever met and Floki was known for being Ragnar’s close friend and the best carpenter in all of Scandinavia.

“Where are they now?” you asked softly, they had left one day, no one truly knew where or why and no one was brave enough to ask.

“Iceland” Ivar shrugged “They left”

You pouted, his sad tone contrasted with the other times he had mentioned Floki.

“Everyone ends up leaving” he added, shaking his head and turning his head to grab a few grapes he had brought “Ubbe is leaving now too, and Sigurd, not that I care about Sigurd” he rolled his eyes “But soon it will just be my mother, Hvitserk and I, until I finish the degree at least”

“Not everyone leaves, then” you smiled, trying to cheer him up a bit “Hvitserk and your mom are still here with you”

“My mother has no choice, she’s my mother” Ivar looked at you almost like he thought you were mocking him “And Hvitserk… He could leave with Ubbe but for some reason he wants to stay… Ubbe is going to England to work on my father’s business” he explained “Which is now run by Björn and his mother… I understand Hvitserk, I would rather drown than work for Björn''

You held back a giggle.

“And he’s also staying with you” you pointed out, taking a sip of the champagne Ivar brought. It was one of the expensive ones, way better than the one you drank during Christmas “So not everyone leaves”

His small smile faded again.

“I suppose he will do it someday too”

You moved to kneel closer to him. Ivar eyed you with curiosity.

“You have very little faith on people, Ivar” you said, shrugging “It’s not fair, you can’t possibly know what people will do”

“I thought Freydis would stay” he cleared his throat “And she left too, like my father, like Floki, like Ubbe”

It was the first time he talked about Freydis in your presence. You licked your lips and drank a bit more.

“You’re still young, handsome, smart… You could work on being a bit nicer, but… You have time to find someone else'' you giggled, even if you didn’t mean it. You really liked Ivar, but you hoped he wouldn’t find someone at least for a while.

“Someone that thinks I am handsome and smart?” he asked, tilting his head with a playful smirk. Your head felt a bit lighter then, and the sudden nerves made you tremble. He was closer now, and you had to take a deep breath and think very carefully about your next words.

“Maybe, someone you like”

“That I like someone doesn’t mean that I can make them happy” he added “I’m not ready for another relationship, I’m not ready to have all of Kattegat talking about it, wondering when they’ll leave me again” his smirk faded, and now he sounded serious. You knew he wasn’t talking hypothetically anymore “For now”

You nodded.

“Until you’re ready, I guess”

“Until I’m ready” he repeated slowly, almost like he was amazed by those words “Until I don’t feel like a replaceable, useless thing?”

“I’m no psychologist, but I’d say so” you smiled softly “You’re not a replaceable, useless thing, Ivar”

“I can’t have another serious relationship right now, Y/N” he sighed “I truly can’t”

“That’s okay” you muttered, biting your lip. Your eyes never left him, even if he was looking at the sea now. You were more than ready for a relationship, but a mere glance, a promise, a smile and a kiss was more than enough, knowing he only needed time and maybe he’d be yours one day.

“Are you sure?” he turned to look at you, and you looked so pretty and innocent, looking at him with doe eyes under the dim light of the twilight that he felt bad for using you in some way. But he hadn’t felt as good as when he was with you since Freydis left.

And it wouldn’t hurt to try and move on, right?

You didn’t answer. Instead, you leaned in and kissed him softly. Ivar closed his eyes, sighing, and kissed you back. You tasted sweet, like the strawberry cake you had brought, and somehow you were softer than Freydis. Ivar had warm and soft lips, better than you had ever imagined, and his hand cupping your face was comforting. It felt like your first kiss all over again, and in some way it was. It was the first kiss you wanted.

When you broke the kiss, Ivar looked much more relaxed. And he smiled at you. Your heart fluttered, and you didn’t remember feeling so happy in your entire life.

______________________________________________________

The sky lit up with a new flash of lighting, startling you, just as Ivar opened the door to his house. You hesitated before entering, but he practically pulled you in with a roll of his eyes. It was the first time you stepped into the giant Lothbrok house, and it was… Quieter than you thought.

“I don’t want to wet the floor” you muttered, looking down at the beautiful and flawless wooden floor. Probably his mother would kill you if you damaged it.

“It’s okay, you can’t stay out there” Ivar scoffed, part annoyed and part amused. He saw your widened eyes as you glanced around the entrance while taking off your shoes, and he thought you looked sweet, all wet and intimidated. It felt good to bring you to his house, almost like he was exposing a new part of himself. It helped that everyone was out that day too.

“Come” he pointed at the hallway that led to his room. While all of his brothers slept upstairs, he couldn’t walk upstairs sometimes, so Aslaug reformed the old playing room and Ivar moved there when he was too big for Aslaug or Floki to carry him. It had bothered him sometimes, especially when his brothers would stay in Hvitserk’s room playing video games and he found himself all alone downstairs, crying and feeling lonely. Or when during their high school years Ubbe or Hvitserk would bring some friends to spend the night and Ivar would be left apart when they finished eating and went upstairs to listen to music, drink and talk.

“You can have a shower if you want” he pointed at the bathroom as soon as he entered his bedroom. You glanced around, the large shelf full of books grabbed your attention, as well as some vinyls and posters, but you didn’t stare too much, thinking he might not enjoy people staring at his things.

“Thank you” you smiled softly, and Ivar’s face softened when he looked at you, taking a couple of steps towards you, he kissed your wet cheek softly. After a couple of weeks he was way more comfortable in your presence, and he kind of liked how excited you looked whenever he’d take the first step and kiss you.

“You have fresh towels in the bathroom” he continued “I’ll give you some of my clothes while yours dry, okay?” he walked over to his wardrobe and you turned around so he wouldn’t see your excited smile.

When you closed the bathroom door behind you, your eyes travelled around the room. It was enormous, like the rest of the house. Especially the shower, which was obviously adapted for him. The big mirror was spotless, the sink and walls were made of marble, but the floor was still wood, less slippery and warmer.

You took your clothes off, leaving them carefully folded next to the door and entered the shower. It was big enough so Ivar could move inside with no problem, and the water was warm. You let it run down your body and relaxed under it, immediately forgetting the cold rain that had surprised you during your date. The plan had been to go to the beach, nothing too special, but the rain had interrupted you and you had ran into his house, which was close and also empty.

You wondered if he would have invited you in with his family inside.

Even if that shower felt like heaven, you stepped out after rinsing off the soft gel that felt like gold on your skin and quickly took one of the fresh towels you had retrieved from the small cabinet under the sink. After drying off your hair, you secured the towel around your body and took your damp clothes before opening the door.

Ivar sat on the bed, looking down at his phone and only raised his head when you stepped out. For a moment his eyes wandered down your body, only covered by the white towel that reached the middle of your thighs. You trembled under his stare. Not even weeks hanging out with him were enough to calm you down in his presence.

“Give me those” he cleared his throat as he stood up, leaning into his crutch with a small wince of pain. You pouted and looked at his legs “I’ll put them in the dryer”

“I can do it” you mumbled, wondering if the rain and the dampness worsened his pain “Just tell me where it is”

“Are you sure? My brothers could arrive at any moment, maybe receiving them half naked is not a good idea” he bit his lip to hold back a laugh when you widen your eyes “It’s fine, I’ll do it and I’ll give you some dry clothes so you can change” he shrugged and you gave them to him and immediately your hands grabbed the towel to make sure it stayed in its place. Not that you’d mind getting naked in front of Ivar Lothbrok.

When he was back you still stood awkwardly next to his bed. That seemed to amuse Ivar, who opened his wardrobe and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“I’d give you something from my sister’s but she’s not in Kattegat now and keeps her bedroom locked when that happens” he shrugged. Smart choice, you thought, knowing you’d do the same if you had to share a house with five brothers.

“It’s okay” you muttered, grabbing the clothes “Thank you”

“What happened? The cat’s got your tongue?” he looked about to laugh again, and you looked down a bit flustered.

“Don’t laugh at me” you replied, biting your lip and glaring at him playfully.

“I’m not” he widened his eyes and pouted with feigned innocence.

“Being naked in someone else’s room is never comfortable, right?” you raised an eyebrow before you realised what you said, but Ivar was already laughing and shaking his head.

“I’m going to take a shower now” he said “You’re welcome to grab something from the kitchen or anything, but get dressed first” he raised an eyebrow.

You nodded and turned around to face the bed and give him some privacy as he grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and faced the wardrobe again, probably to get dry clothes for himself. But when you heard the shirt falling to the floor, you turned your head slowly.

His back was amazing. You already knew it, you had seen him grow into a huge and strong man, and you had touched it during some of your makeout sessions in the past couple of weeks. You had seen him shirtless on the beach other summers, with his brothers and always with his legs covered. Out of all of them, except maybe Björn, he was the strongest one, the muscles of his chest, arms and back toned from all of those years carrying his own weight. His skin had a golden undertone that seemed to glow, especially now that it was slightly wet. And his long hair collected in small braids and a ponytail brushed his shoulders.

But what made you part your lips in awe were the tattoos. They covered the upper part of his back, shoulders and chest and you had seen a peak of them when he wore short sleeves, but they were even more beautiful from up close, and when his muscles tensed underneath them it almost looked like they were moving. They were nordic designs, like the ones everyone in his family had. You always found them fascinating.

But his head turning to look at you interrupted your thoughts and you quickly turned around, biting your lip when you realised he caught you.

“You were looking” he said, and he sounded partly amusedand partly surprised.

“Just wanted to see your tattoos” you muttered in reply, and it was in part true “Sorry”

“Don’t be” he shrugged even if you couldn’t see him. You heard his steps and his crutch approaching you and your heart started beating faster “Want to see them?”

When you turned around again he stood just behind you, and you had to look up to meet his eyes. When you looked at his chest again, your fingertips tingled with an avid need of running them over the ink lines.

“How did you get them?” you asked. They were a bit less perfect than the ones you had seen, the edges weren’t as clean but they looked beautiful anyway, almost like the ones a viking would have worn.

“The technique is called stick and poke” he shrugged “It’s a more traditional way”

“Sounds painful” you frowned, and Ivar’s lips curved on a smile.

“I’m used to pain”

You pouted again and raised your head to look at him, but didn’t say anything. You had seen him struggling over the years, knowing he spent long periods in the hospital, with long and painful treatments…

“I would like to get a tattoo” you commented, knowing he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his legs and his pain “Maybe this summer”

You finally felt brave enough to run a finger down one of the lines that crossed his chest, still looking down to avoid his gaze.

“I can take you” he said, and you nodded absentmindedly, amazed by how soft his skin felt under your touch. Then his hand touched your jaw, making you raise your head and the next thing you felt were his lips against yours. You whined in surprise but kissed him back, suddenly his chest was closer than ever and his warmth surrounded you. His hand left your face at the same time as yours grabbed his shoulders. It travelled down your body, and it burned your skin over the towel. When he reached your thigh and the edge of the towel, Ivar pulled down, and it fell down faster than you thought. It pooled around your feet, and you sighed against his lips nervously. Was it always this hot inside this room? Ivar’s lips left yours to kiss down your neck and collarbone. You were surprised to hear the sounds that were coming out of your mouth.

Suddenly he stepped back, but his ocean eyes didn’t leave yours as he walked over to the bed and sat down, taking sharp breaths with his chest rising quickly. He let the crutch fall down to the floor and leant back, supporting himself with his arms. You blinked quickly, suddenly feeling a bit conscious as you were completely naked in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, you approached him, scanning his face looking for any sign of discomfort. But when you stood close enough, he grabbed the back of your thighs and pulled you closer. His warm lips reached your belly and you gasped. It was more difficult to focus on being insecure about your body when his lips came so dangerously close to that zone between your legs…

When Ivar finally pushed you so you’d straddle his lap, you felt his already hard member pulsing against your core and your eyes fluttered shut when he kissed your collarbone again. When you opened them he was looking at you with his mouth on your chest, and it didn’t take long before you leant in to kiss him again. You had been with other people before, but you had never been so aroused in your life, feeling almost like you were floating.

Your fingers left his shoulders to caress his hair. Not really caring if you ruined his braids, you ran your fingers through it, finding it the softest thing you had ever touched. He let out a low moan, and you moaned in response. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. But both the kiss and your caresses were interrupted by his hand reaching between your legs. Your entire body tensed and Ivar made a shooting sound with his mouth into your ear as he found your clit. This time the both of you groaned at the same time, you when he started moving his fingers and him when you bit down on his neck a bit rougher than you intended.

You let your head fall down onto his shoulder when one of his fingers entered you, letting out a moan a bit weaker, even if your volume only went up when he pushed in a second one and his thumb pressed on your clit. When Ivar curled his fingers and breathed into your ear, your walls clenched around his fingers. You were going to cum embarrassingly soon.

“Are you going to cum for me?” he whispered, and the sound of his voice so close was what you needed to start trembling and nodding desperately “Yes?”

“Yeah” you moaned “Ivar don’t stop… Fuck” you gasped when you finally felt it travelling down your lower belly. His mouth found your soft spot under your ear, and the force of your orgasm was enough to make you see stars behind your closed eyes, not even aware of the sounds you were making anymore.

When Ivar retrieved his fingers, he made you look at him as he licked them, into his now darkened eyes before pulling you in to kiss you again, biting your lips forcefully and making you moan again when you tasted yourself on his tongue. He didn’t even let you breathe before he whispered again against your ear.

“Good girl”

You let out a strange sound, and as he crawled back to lean his head onto the pillows of his bed, still looking at you with a smirk of satisfaction on his face, you were more than sure that you’d do anything for him. As long as he looked and talked to you like that.

You didn’t even realise when you started crawling over him and straddled his lap again. With him laying down underneath you it was easier to unbuckle his pants, finally freeing his cock. Ivar let out a relieved sigh, but looked down to grab your wrist as soon as his pants were at the middle of his thighs.

“That’s enough” he muttered, and for a moment he looked shy. You stopped then, looking at him carefully.

“Do you want me to stop?” you asked softly, suddenly remembering his legs and the pain he could have been feeling with you writhing on his lap.

“No” he shook his head and grabbed your neck to bring you down and kiss you again “Just leave my pants on”

You nodded quickly, even if you felt a sting of sadness knowing he didn’t trust you enough to show you his legs. But the thought quickly left your mind when he caressed your body again, grabbing your ass and touching your waist and your thighs, making you let out needy moans again. It was like you couldn’t get enough.

You reached down to grab his member, and he took a sharp breath as his muscles tensed under your body. With a small smile on your lips as he lost control for a moment, you started moving your hand up and down. His eyes fluttered shut and his grip on your waist tightened. Ivar let himself enjoy your touch for a minute, letting out hisses and breathy moans before grabbing your wrist to make you stop. You licked your lips as he reached to open one of the drawers on the small table he had next to his bed, and you trembled in anticipation when he took a condom out. Immediately his eyes were back on yours, and you felt hypnotised again.

“Open it” he ordered, with the same, firm voice from earlier. You had to suppress a moan as you obeyed, ripping the package carefully “Put it on” your hands were almost shaking as you did it, finally realising the size and the thickness of his member, which made you gulp “Come here”.

Back on your original position, you straddled his lap carefully as he laid down on his back. His hands grabbed your hips and his eyes wandered down your body slowly. You felt a bit self-conscious again but he didn’t let you cover yourself. Instead Ivar lined his member with your entrance, teasing you with the tip until you whined in protest and made him smirk.

“Sit down” he said, and you obeyed again. His hand guided your hips as he filled you for the first time. It was overwhelming, slow and a bit painful, but even if you didn’t make the effort to hide your moans, you forced yourself to keep your eyes open, enjoying the way his face contorted in pleasure and he had to fight the need of thrusting up into you while his eyes narrowed. He didn’t stop until he was fully inside you, and he let out a groan as he waited a few seconds to let you adjust. Then he opened his eyes again and licked his lips before saying “Now ride me”.

You didn’t need to be told twice. You started moving your hips slowly, and immediately the pleasure filled every single corner of your body. His breathy moans only encouraged you to move faster, even if the tight grip of his hand on your hip still guided you, setting up the pace. His other hand caressed your waist, your belly, your chest, grabbed your neck and even touched your lips when he pulled you down to kiss you again. Your legs were already shaking around him, you felt light-headed and you nearly begged against his lips.

Ivar stopped then, guiding your hips to move in circles and then back and forth, which made you yelp when his member started pressing on a very specific spot inside you.

You didn’t even realise you had started to beg until Ivar let out a breath against your ear.

“Please what?” he muttered “Do you want to come?”

You only had enough strength to nod, sitting back down to make it go deeper. His hand left your body to touch your clit again, and you gasped when he made you move faster.

“You look so beautiful like this” he said, his voice breathy and deeper than ever “And you feel so good, Y/N…”

You whispered his name, as a warning. It was too much and the intensity of the pressure building in your lower belly told you it was going to be strong. Painful even.

Ivar gritted his teeth together. If your walls were clenching so hard around him then, he couldn’t even imagine how it would feel when you…

“Cum then” he whispered again as he started thrusting again “Cum for me”

You closed your eyes and let out a moan so loud he would’ve thought it was a scream. Your entire body clenched and trembled, you felt like passing away when a giant wave of pleasure washed over you, almost making you drown. Your nails dig into his shoulders and chest, and Ivar let out a hiss in between moans. He had planned to hold on a bit longer, but the feeling of your walls clenching so tightly around him was too much.

The both of you ended up panting and shaking, and you had to move away from him as soon as your orgasm ended, too sensitive to tolerate any kind of contact. Ivar sat down as you licked your lips and laid on the bed next to him, feeling dizzy and almost like you were going to pass out. Your limbs felt heavy and you weren’t sure whether you could walk at that moment. Ivar took the condom off, leaving it on the floor carefully before laying back down to catch his breath. You smiled then, for some reason you felt the need of smiling and giggling like an idiot. God, if that wasn’t the best experience of your entire life…

“Are you okay?” Ivar turned his head to look at you “Sorry if I was too rough…”

“I’m fine” you smiled at him “I just need a moment” you closed your eyes again, taking a deep breath. Ivar chuckled and rubbed his face. It felt good to have a distraction, to finally feel like he had taken Freydis out of his system. And you were so sweet and good to him…

After a few minutes, and completely against your will, you left the bed. You wanted nothing more than to crawl back in and cuddle him. Inhale his scent while leaning onto his chest and kiss him again, this time slowly, caress his hair and fall asleep with his heart beating under your ear. But he hadn’t made a move towards you, and you were already embarrassed remembering the sounds you had made just a few minutes before. Your legs still felt shaky as you grabbed the towel and covered yourself, even though it was maybe a bit too late for that, before going back to the bathroom.

After peeing and cleaning yourself as fast as you could, you stepped out again. This time Ivar was standing, and looked at you with a small smile.

“I’m going to have the shower now” he said, and you nodded, biting your lip “If you’re thirsty you can go to the kitchen and grab some water”

You nodded before the door closed again behind him, and finally got dressed.

A few minutes later, when you reached the kitchen with the intention of drinking at least two litres of ice-cold water, you found Ubbe and Hvitserk sitting next to the kitchen island, both talking quietly and eating something. Hvitserk was the first one that saw you, smirking widely and winking at you.

“Hello” he looked very amused as you stood there, dressed in his little brother’s clothes and wishing the Earth would explode at that moment.

“Hi Y/N” Ubbe smiled politely at you “It’s nice to see you again”

“Hi” you mumbled, knowing you couldn’t turn around and go back to Ivar’s bedroom without losing all of the dignity you had left “I… Can I have some water?”

“Of course” Ubbe stood up before you could add anything else and opened a cabinet to grab a glass.

“Yeah, I think you need it” Hvitserk chuckled “How was your day? Interesting?”

You nearly choked with the water, and Ubbe hit his brother’s head softly, rolling his eyes with an amused smile.

“Ignore him, Y/N” he winked at you “Want to eat something?”

_______________________________________________________

The small tattoo studio to which Ivar took you was located on a busy street, but somehow you had never noticed it before. The owner was a giant man with long, grey hair and a beard, and his serious expression changed completely when Ivar entered the local. They exchanged a big smile and a handshake while you stood next to the door shyly, looking around. You had insisted on getting a tattoo the modern way, and Ivar had laughed at that, reassuring you that Haakon -the giant man you supposed- could do that too.

“Today it’s not for me” Ivar shook his head when Haakon asked him which design he had in mind. Then he turned to look at you, and you smiled “She’s Y/N, she would like to get a tattoo and I told her you’re the best artist in all Scandinavia”

The man shot you a gentle smile and nodded, motioning for you to approach the counter so he could show you some designs. After a while discussing different ones and the changes he could do so it would look better on you and also be unique, you finally laid on the chair as Haakon printed the design and prepared his tools. Ivar sat on a chair next to you, a small smile on his lips. You got to hold his hand during the whole process, and the sting of the tattoo was somewhat forgotten when you realised it was the first time you held his hand and prayed so it wouldn’t be the last.

_______________________________________________________

When you got the idea of that improvised trip to Lapland, you didn’t expect for it to actually happen. But that day when the sun went up you were sitting on a train with Ivar next to you, and you looked out of the window feeling the luckiest person in the entire world, hoping that warmth would last forever. His leg was touching yours, and your hand twitched with the need of grabbing his.

A week ago, during a night in which the rain and thunder didn’t let you sleep, you opened your laptop and organised a trip out of boredom. Lapland was always a good idea, and even better when after Lapland you got to travel around Finland by train and fly back home from Helsinki. Trains were a cheaper option and way more comfortable for Ivar, who had now way more space to stretch his legs and a comfortable seat. You had messaged him at dawn that same night, thinking he’d say no. He took a few minutes but he said yes. And you had squealed like a teenager at the thought of a trip with him. Ubbe had given you a few tips to help with his legs, and Ivar was surprisingly very calm and even looking forward to the trip.

“Feels good to be out of that city for a while” he muttered, his eyes narrowed as he just woke up and the sunlight hit them directly “I needed a distraction”

You turned your head to smile at him. Ivar’s expression relaxed. He liked you, and found it very cute that you always had a smile for him.

“Yeah, I guess” you shrugged “It’s a good way to end the summer too”

Ivar nodded absentmindedly. His phone inside his pocket burned then, and he remembered the text he received a few days ago. A part of him needed that trip to get it out of his mind, to avoid overthinking. But her words were embedded in his head.

I’ll be back on September 1st. Then we can talk. I miss you♡

Ivar wondered how she could miss him when it was her who left him. For someone else. Ivar had had his heart broken for the entire summer, but August had been a bit more tolerable thanks to you. So when you proposed that trip he said yes. He hoped he could get her out of his mind but it seemed impossible. Not even with you next to him to distract him.

“I hope we can see the Northern Lights?” you said looking at the sky with a hopeful sigh “It’s romantic”

“I’m afraid it’s a bit early for the Northern Lights” Ivar chuckled “But who knows… I’m not a very romantic person, though”

You looked at him with an eyebrow raised. You had seen him looking at Freydis, you had heard what he had done for her.

“I don’t believe that” you shrugged “I think everyone is romantic in their own way… Being romantic is not necessarily sending big bouquets of flowers every Friday, or organising a dinner with candles and rose petals on a Saturday, sometimes it’s just a simple gesture, or words”

“But sometimes a simple gesture or words are more difficult than a bouquet” he replied “Especially when you feel like you’re never good enough”

Your smile faded and you pouted, feeling your heart break for him.

“Who made you feel like you’re not good enough, Ivar?” you asked quietly, reaching to caress his hair softly. He didn’t move.

“Many people” he said with a sigh “When they leave me for someone better, or when no matter what I do that is never enough, when they couldn’t care less about me”

You frowned and stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

“I care about you” you said quietly “I wouldn’t leave if you don’t want me to, and no matter what you do it’s always enough” you smiled up at him, who looked taken aback “Don’t waste your time on people that don’t appreciate you”

Ivar gulped. He felt his eyes burning with tears but he refused to cry. He wished it was that easy.

“Don’t be sad” you pouted again “I want you to enjoy the rest of the summer”

Why do you care so much?, he wanted to ask. But then you stood up and closed the door to the compartment, locking it before drawing the curtains. And he knew exactly what you had in mind when you turned around with a shy smile. He thought it would be much easier if he could fall in love with you.

______________________________________________

August felt too short. Soon the days started to get shorter, and it rained more often. Suddenly you stopped going to the beach, and the university emails about the starting of the classes filled your inbox.

And Ivar stopped texting.

Finland had been a dream. It made you believe it could last, because for a few days it felt real. You didn’t hide on a harbour, or waited until everyone left the beach to sit on the sand. He kissed you, laughed with you, his fingers traced the lines of your new tattoo during the night, under the bedsheets of the cheap hotels you had booked. Those days were like a dream.

But dreams end too.

And suddenly you went from chasing Northern Lights to stare at your phone in silence, in the middle of the night waiting for a text, a call, anything that would calm your fears. He didn’t reply, didn’t call back. You saw Ubbe and Hvitserk on the bar a couple of times, but didn’t dare to ask them. You even went to the harbour a few times, waiting in case he’d appear from nowhere with a rational explanation. But he never did.

Sometimes you’d be angry, wanting nothing else than to send him a voice note or a huge text, but you always ended up deleting the whole thing before pressing send with the tears running down your face. Because at the end of the day, you could not lose someone who was never yours. And Ivar had never been yours, there was always something between the two of you that was impossible to ignore.

That first day of university you understood why.

Your friends were all back from their holidays, all tanned and with longer hair, new dresses and collars they had bought on those souvenir shops that are usually in front of the beaches. Maybe you should have been a bit jealous of them and their holidays around the world, but you wouldn’t change that summer with Ivar for anything else. In fact, you dreamed of leaving for a proper holiday with him one day. Maybe Italy, Greece or Spain…

They giggled around you, telling you stories about cute lifeguards, southern boys (and girls) with an accent and the best mojitos they had ever tried. You smiled with them, having missed them way more than you thought, until you spotted them in the parking lot.

Freydis was the first one. She jumped out of Hvitserk’s car laughing, and Ivar came out after her. He also had a big smile on his face, and said something before she giggled again, leaning in to kiss him.

Something inside you broke, and you couldn’t stop looking as they walked towards the main building. Hvitserk walked behind them, not looking very enthusiastic about Freydis’ return. But your eyes were glued to Ivar. Wishing he’d turn his head and look at you, acknowledge you at least, something that reassured you that what you lived that summer was real, even if it ended as quickly as it started.

He did look at you, his smile faded slowly when he finally spotted you, and you held back your breath until he looked away again.

“I heard she came back from Sweden not so long ago” your best friend spoke next to you, and you knew who she was talking about “She’s so pretty, it’s unfair”

“Yeah” you said softly. For some reason you didn’t feel the sadness you had been feeling since Ivar stopped talking to you. Instead you felt your eyes fill with tears of disappointment, which hurt even more.

“They do look cute together, Ivar is hot” she giggled “Maybe we’ll find something like that too, someday”

“I doubt that” you replied, thinking with your young innocence that you would never be able to love someone as much as you loved him. They entered the building then, and it was like seeing a door closing on your face, knowing it would probably never open again.

“Shall we get to class?” your friend, oblivious to your heartbreak, pointed at the hallway full of students.

“Yeah, I… I need to go to the toilet, save me a seat?” you replied, clearing your throat before taking a couple of steps towards the toilets.

“Sure, but don’t be late! It’s the first day” she winked at you and turned around, walking towards the classroom. You quickly entered the toilets, locking yourself in one of the stalls as the first tears started rolling down your cheeks, knowing you didn’t have much time because the classes were about to start, but relieved because at least you’d have a distraction.

The tears felt like fire on your skin, they burned and ruined the makeup you had put on that morning, hoping you’d see him and he’d give you one of his smiles, maybe cross that door with your hand on his. People would start talking but he couldn’t care less. It was the hope for that moment that kept you going for the entire summer. And you would have waited forever.

___________________________________________

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