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xpeachesncream · 3 years

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how many drinks? | one shot (jjk)

summary: the question is - how many drinks would it take for you to sleep with your bestfriend?

pairing: jjk x reader

genre: (18+) college au, dance group au, bestfriends/bestfriends with some benefits au | fluff, smut, sprinkle of angst

words: ~12.2k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, kind of crack-y, dancer!jk to fulfill my needs, unprotected sex, sprinkle of dirty talk, fingering, sprinkle of a handjob, slight biting, nails digging into skin, oc almost gets taken advantage of/forced into doing things she doesn’t wanna do, rough handling, song kang is in this too because i’m also a hooch for him but he’s an ass here, alcohol consumption, intoxication, mentions of blunts/smoking, house parties, cuddling, kissing/makeout sessions, straddling, breast/nipple play, hickeys, fucking on the edge of the bed, multiple orgasms, fingering, licking/neck kisses, oral (f. receiving)

note: one shot title is taken from miguel's song ‘how many drinks’ + a couple of things--

both hoseok and jimin’s piece mentioned below are inspired by real-life pieces my old dance mentor has choreographed and taught. this is the inspiration behind hoseok’s couple piece; this is the inspiration for jimin’s piece

i’m a hooch for all three of them in this video

enjoy imagining koo and oc dancing part of their couples piece like this 🥺

"Y/N." You picked up Jungkook's call as you sat at your desk in your dorm room. You had been finishing up your bio homework until the interruption came blaring through on your headphones.

"Yes?"

"Can I nap in your room?"

"The fuck I look like? A hotel?" You snorted.

"Yeah, a 5 star at that with how good you take care of me." He tries to butter you up, causing you to roll your eyes.

"You're lucky I like you."

"Yesssssssss!" You hear him faintly exclaim on the other line. "Be there in a sec."

"You know my doors are always unlocked." Which, it was true. So many of your friends had decided to live off campus that you and your other bestfriend [and beloved suitemate] were probably the only few left on campus. And that meant people were constantly in your room, hanging out or using both of your rooms, [with permission] or the couches in the shared living room space of your suite as a place to nap. College, amirite? Why the fuck would you lose your parking spot to go back to your apartment when you have friends who lived right on campus? You weren't just good for smuggling free food from the cafeteria to your broke ass, struggling off-campus friends.

Sooner or later, you're greeted by a fluffy, black-haired Jungkook, looking like his shit must have air-dried with how wavy and voluminous it was. He swings your door open so aggressively that you jump a bit in your seat, swinging off your headphones like you weren't even expecting him. You watch as he flings himself onto your neatly made bed like he hasn't felt a bed in years.

"Ugh, yes." He moans as he belly flops onto your bed and stays in that position.

"When's your next class, you little baby?"

"In like an hour or so, I don't know." He says sleepily. "Wake me up, please?"

"Sure." You realize it's Wednesday, and he definitely has Ecology lab later at 3:00PM. You figured you'd wake him up by 2:30 just to give him enough time to groggily walk his ass back over to the science building.

You and Jungkook weren't really close before college. It was moreso that you knew of each other since high school because of mutual friends. You'd see him at parties and he'd see you, but it was never more than the casual hi and bye and small talk. Maybe the occasional comments on facebook pages and the likes on pictures on instagram. But foreel, other than that, that's as real as your friendship got for awhile. You didn't mind it though, you were good with your set of friends and he was good with his. A lot of your friends attended the same university as you two and then your groups intertwined even more.

But, it wasn't until the past couple of months or so where you both unexpectedly got really close - simply just by talking more and being around each other more. You both had similar interests and Jungkook wasn't the most vocal in his group, but with you, he seemed to talk endlessly. He loved comics and he loved raving to you about Marvel and DC superheroes. He loved to draw, and he'd draw you things every now and then - his most recent being you as a scientist superhero saving the world from overgrown malaria-infected mosquito monsters. It was the cutest thing you had ever seen, and you tacked it against your cork board near your desk. Then, small things like that turned to bringing you food or boba, being stuck at the hip where he'd only go to a certain place on campus if you were there; texting each other inside jokes and funny ass tweets all day turned to facetime sleepover calls and then late hangouts eventually turned to actual sleepovers in your bed, where he'd drape his arm around while you both slept but it never escalated into anything more than that in bed. Although he did fucking hate your medium-sized Olaf plushie that took shelter on your bed - he'd always hike it across the room and talk about how annoying he is and how he's always taking his spot. You never understood it, really.

And then soon, it turned to small displays of affection behind closed doors, where Jungkook would hold you close. Hold your hand if you two were in the room watching a show, or movie. Small kisses exchanged. Big kisses exchanged, making out sessions. But, that was literally it. Nothing else. No sex. No pressure. Lots of unspoken feelings, obviously, but you weren't gonna be the one to bring that up. Because you were comfortable, and if anything, you didn't wanna ruin what you guys already had going.

Like, is this a friends with benefits thing? Maybe? Maybe not? It was hard to label it because it's not like you both determined so, it kind of just fell together that way. And there was really no pressure to fuck every single time you got affectionate. It was cute, sweet. And no one really knew it was like that behind doors - possibly your suitemate Kass and her boyfriend, Jimin, but that's only because you shared the dorm suite with her. Jimin was also one of Jungkook's roommates and his really good friend, so whenever they had slept over on the same night, it was pure and utter chaos. But honestly, if Kass and Jimin hadn't been around you two much, they most certainly wouldn't have the idea.

Whatever it was, it was a comfortable closeness that you both experienced and appreciated. However, the both of you were afraid of discussing what this really was, afraid it'll ruin the dynamic. The atmosphere. Having to come to terms of what it might, or might not be. Neither of you can fully admit that you like the other. Although, it got hard. People did lightly tease you two because you both always looked for each other and were stuck by the hip out on campus.

Oh, well. Bottom line is that you liked your relationship where it was at, but it doesn't mean you haven't thought about the what if's. Jungkook was insanely attractive, and it's no lie that girls swarmed him left and right on campus, but he didn't give a shit [either he didn't give a shit or he was dumb as hell?]. Okay, rewind — to be fair, he would have a fling or two, flirt once or twice. He'd tell you so and so was cute and that they've hung out or texted, but that's it. He just wasn't necessarily looking for anything cause he too enjoyed where he was at with everything.

It doesn't take long before Sleeping Beauty is snoring face down on your bed, looking like Patrick Star with the way he's sprawled out. But, you continue to do your work until it was time to wake him. You gently shake him, his puppy eyes looking back at you after being face down all nap.

"Class time."

"No." He groans. "Can't I just stay here with you?"

"No, dude. Get to class." You chuckle. "You already skipped last week."

"Yeah, but this is a new week Y/N."

"Jungkook." You almost say in a scolding manner.

"Fiiiiiiine." He whines as he shoots up and hops off from your bed. "Are you going to our party on Friday?"

"I said I'd think about it right?"

"Yeah, like on Monday. It's Wednesday."

"And I'm still thinking about it." You snort, making him pout.

"Just come for a little bit."

"Why? You know parties aren't my thing and you'll be too drunk anyways. I'll end up wanting to go right the fuck back home as soon as I step outside."

"I'd like to be drunk and have you there. It'll be more fun!" He pouts as he holds your hand and swings it back and forth.

"I mean, to be completely honest, I'll probably end up going because of Kass anyways."

"Because of Kass." He rolls his eyes. "Oooookay. Not because of you, Jungkook, no." He says sarcastically, brows furrowed.

"Ew. You're such a fucking whiner. Leave." You laugh, throwing an empty water bottle at him.

"I'm kidding." He chuckles. "Wanna grab dinner with me after practice?"

"Sure. If you pay." He groans

"Fine. I'll see you later." He puckers up his lips to blow you a kiss, which you automatically reject by giving him a look before turning your attention back to your homework. You were hoping he'd offer to go to In-n-Out because you were craving that #2 with animal fries and a neapolitan shake, plus there was a Target in the same plaza that you wanted to drag him to for new pens and clearance sale shopping. And you wouldn't even warn him about it. He would tag along, no question.

Hoseok stands in front of the mirrors in the studio, pacing back and forth as your dance group learned a couple of 8-counts from this new piece he had been brewing up. Apparently, it was supposed to be a couples piece but he wasn't sure if he was going to keep it that way. He watched to see if this would be better as a group, or if he should stick to his original plans.

Your college dance group was a small group formed by people with pure, genuine interest and love for modern hip hop choreography. Hoseok was the dance lead, with Jimin being the back up lead. The group came together, taught each other pieces, taught workshops for those interested on campus and performed at the various talent shows and productions the school had throughout the year. It was just your group's way of showcasing your talents, something you all purely enjoyed, and it was nice to see the love and support given by the audiences.

"Okay, run that from the top one more time please. We'll take break after, swear." Hoseok chuckles and gives Jimin the cue to start the song back at the starting point. Jungkook makes a funny face at you as he huffs and puffs, trying to catch his breath from the last time you went through the counts.

"Ew." You giggle, slightly pushing him aside. Miguel's How Many Drinks begins to blast through the studio speakers, Jungkook doing his best to sing along and match his tone all while focusing on his steps. Once you're done going through the counts, the music continues to play, Jungkook twirling over to you just to sing—

"Cause I ain't leavin' aloneeee, I feel like I could be honest, babe." He spins to your other side. "We both know that we're grown, that's why I wanna knooooow - how many drinks will it take you to leave with meeeeEEeeeE?"

"You can give me all the drinks in the world and I swear I still wouldn't." You snort, making him frown and click his teeth.

"Too bad that's not really how you act when I ask to sleep over, though." Silence as you stick your tongue out at him. Cause, yeah. You really do tell him to sleep over without hesitation. You loved his company, you can’t lie. "Yeah, fraudulent as hell. I never taught you that." He jokes.

"Shut up, Jungkook—"

"Okay!" Hoseok says, clapping his hands. "This'll be a couple piece. I honestly think it'll work better that way, just like I envisioned it. I'll work with the couple to clean this up before the performance, but to whoever isn't casted for this, Jimin still has a piece to teach the rest of you, so don't feel discouraged!" Hoseok chuckles a bit, giving the rest of the group a small smile. "So with that being said - Y/N, Jungkook, I want you two to do this piece."

"Ouuuuuuuu." Jimin teases you from the sidelines, causing you to put up your middle finger.

"We won’t let you down, cap." Jungkook swings his arm around you.

"I'll teach you the rest of the piece next practice so we can start polishing it up and making it clean before the talent show."

"Sounds good with me." You flatly say, even though 100%, you're pretty excited for many reasons. One, you had been wanting to do a solo or couples piece for awhile, and two, your partner was Jungkook. Your best friend, your ride or die, the dude you've spent so much time with and gave your affection to behind closed doors. It made you giddy just thinking about it, even if you'd blatantly lie to his face later on when he'd tease you. And Jungkook felt the same. You missed the way he subtly bit on his bottom lip when you were named his partner, just so he wouldn't smile too big in front of you.

After practice, you egg him on enough to agree to take you to In-N-Out, without hinting at the plan you had drafted out in your head earlier. The plan that says you're gonna drag his ass to Target afterwards and he had no choice but to come along.

"Y/N, you liar." He groans. "You said you weren't gonna go to Target." He pouts as you follows behind you anyway.

"Kook, I literally just need to get one thing."

"What's the one thing that you couldn't get on your own time?"

"I don't know, I'll have to find out when we get in there." You giggled, causing him to groan again. "Plus, we're here already. Killing two birds with one stone."

"Ah shit, I suppose I can get some bottles for the party."

"Yeah, make yourself useful Jungkook."

"Yeah, make yourself useful Jungkook, aheh." He mocks your tone and does that really weird and ugly ass laugh that dudes always do when they try to mock girls, however, you ignore it because you've just stepped into Target and bitch, this was Disneyland to you. Heaven. Paradise.

"Hm, what are we drinking on Friday?" He says his text outloud as he follows you around the dollar section where you begin to pick up really unnecessary items that you're probably just gonna store away in or around your desk somewhere.

"Should be holy water because you all need it."

"Mmm, I don't know, I don't think they have that but we can check." He responds ever so seriously, causing you to chuckle.

"How many people are you expecting?"

"Honestly, I don't even know. We said we'd keep it to close friends only. I don't really have any friends, so that's all on them."

"Ah, makes sense as to how the entire class was invited." You fire back sarcastically. "Your upstairs neighbors are really gonna have a blast."

"They're invited too."

"You guys are so dumb." He laughs when you hit him against the chest. After walking a bit, the two of you head towards the alcohol aisle, Jungkook grabbing what his arms will allow him to grab since alcohol is a little cheaper here than other grocery stores. "Isn't there a limit as to how much alcohol you can buy?"

"I don't see anything anywhere." He hauls about 4 big bottles back to the cashiers. "Besides, I'm giving them business compared to Safeway and those other grocery stores."

"Grab the coupon at least, genuis. It could save you some money." You take off the coupons from the three bottles.

He looks down at the coupon attached to the 4th bottle. "Sign up today and get 2% cash back on every bottle you buy." He snorts after reading the coupon outloud. "More like sign up today and get 2% cash back turnt." He looks at you. "This doesn't sound like a coupon, miss. Where's the ‘get 5 dollars off’ bullshit?"

"2% cash back turnt? Really?" You furrow your brows at him and hand the coupons to the cashier. "Here. God, maybe you shouldn't be hosting parties with your roommates."

"Maybe not." He holds his bags, even grabbing onto yours as you both walk out to his car. He turns up the radio, the both of you singing along to the songs coming through. When he pulls up to the lot of Edgehill Village, he parks in someone else's marked spot only because it's technically next to your door and he doesn't anticipate to stay long. But honestly, that never goes as planned. He grabs your bag from the trunk, silently following behind you as you unlock your door to an empty suite - just as you expected. Kass was most likely at Jungkook’s, spending the night with Jimin, and you'd be alone for the night. It didn't matter to you though, the peace and quiet was always nice.

"You sure you're gonna be okay here alone?" You nod.

"Yup. It's kind of nice actually." You lean forward onto your bed since it's raised a little higher than usual with bed risers, and open up your laptop. Jungkook sets your Target bag down and wraps his arms around you from behind, planting a kiss on your cheek and on your jawline.

"You sure you don't want me to sleep over? Cuddles sound nice."

"It sounds like you want to."

"Only if you want me to." He nuzzles his head against your neck, waiting for your response.

"Kook, please." You chuckle. "If you wanna sleepover, then go ahead."

"Yesssss! I do."

"Well you need to find parking, or else the person that owns that parking spot will be highly upset."

"You got it, captain. Pull up a movie!" He says, dashing out of your room to move his car. He's most likely going to come back in another 5 minutes, being that the only free parking at this time of night is probably on the other end in the gym's lot, or somewhere on the streets [if he got lucky].

And so that 5 minutes sure does go by before Jungkook is breathing heavily when he walks into your room, duffle bag swung over his shoulder with a big, dorky ass smile on his face.

"I'm back!"

"I see." You snort, still going through the movies.

"Hey, let's run through what Hobi taught us first."

"Ugh, I'm so tired though."

"Cooooome on, just once." He pulls you by the hand, his body pressed against yours as his his other arm wraps around your waist. "Please." His puppy dog eyes look down at you, causing you to push him away because fucking hell, that shit makes you weak. Makes the pussy throb just a lil, you know? Christ.

"Only if you watch 10 Things I Hate About You."

"Sure, I don't mind." He pulls up the song on your laptop. The both of you face the mirror in front of you, careful not to hit each other since you had such limited space to fully move around. Running through it once was a full blown lie, being that you both are doing it for almost 5-6 times before you're laughing at how out of breath you already are. You're so out of it and winded by the last time around that you accidentally hit Jungkook in the face, causing him to whine and stumble off to the side.

"Oh shit!" You laugh. "I'm so sorry, Kookie!" You run over to cup his face. "Are you okay? You good?"

"Shit, Y/N. You have a heavy hand." He keeps his hand against his cheek.

"I'm sorry." You lean in to plant a kiss on his cheek, but Jungkook being Jungkook, he looks to the side to have his lips meet yours instead. He picks you up in one swift motion, your legs wrapped around his torso as he sits you on your bed, your hands still cupping his face. And honestly, you really wanted him. You've always wanted him since this whole thing started. God, he was attractive to you - every little thing about Jungkook was a fucking weakness, but you weren't gonna let up first. Not tonight. The scar on his cheek, his soft, fluffy hair, his toned body, his muscular ass arms, the way he held onto you when you both slept, the way he kissed you.

Lord, he was truly going to be the death of you.

Before the kiss could get any deeper, you smile into it and back away, keeping your gaze on the small, dazed smile Jungkook has on his face.

"Can we watch now?" You ask, subtly biting onto your bottom lip.

"Yeah, good idea."

"Actually, after all that, I need to shower first."

"Can I join?" His eyes light up.

"Sit your ass down. You can go after." You laugh as you hop off the bed, grabbing your pajamas for a quick shower. You literally take 10 minutes, walking back into your room with wet hair and an oversized shirt and shorts underneath. Although you had been completely comfortable with Jungkook, the both of you have never really seen each other fully naked like that. Whenever he slept over, you were both always fully clothed. You've seen him hop out of the shower and come in shirtless, but that's probably about it. You start to brush your teeth as he rummages through his emergency duffle bag full of shit that he holds in the trunk of his car, grabbing a fresh pair of clothes to change into after his shower. You already know his ass is gonna use your shampoo for everything because he loves the smell of it and always talks about how good your hair smells.

While waiting for him, you slip yourself under your covers and pull the laptop closer to you, scrolling through your phone aimlessly to see what's new on instagram. Which, is absolutely nothing, so you let out a dissatisfied sigh.

"Ready!" He comes in, tossing his towel aside and shutting off the lights to crawl into your bed with you.

"You smell just like me." You chuckle.

"It's great, isn't it?"

"Your hair isn't bothering you?" You run your hand through his incredibly wet hair as he shakes his head.

"No, I'll be good."

"Okay." He wraps his arm around you to pull you onto his body, the movie already off to a start. As the movie goes on, you find yourself getting sleep as both of your bodies sink deeper into the sheets, Jungkook still not letting you go. The laptop rests on his belly, while your head is on his chest, his heartbeat the one thing putting you to sleep pretty quickly. He's comfortable, just as you are. He's warm, you're warm. He's content, you're content. You drift off to sleep while he continues to watch, knowing your bodies will be pressed tightly against each other in the morning.

"Kook there's so many fucking people here. The cops are gonna come and shut this down quick." Jungkook shrugs.

"Oh well, wasn't my idea." He snorts. "Shot?!" He hands you a shot that you take with ease, feeling like you aren't drunk enough for all this shit and all these people. "Atta girl."

"Yuck, though." You slightly make a sour face as you feel the warmth trickle down your throat and into your stomach.

"Heeeey, whyyyyy do you look so FaMiliaR?" This girl asks Jungkook in a weird, flirty tone, where every other consonant goes up and down. She's obviously really fucking drunk and out of her mind because for one, she definitely goes to the same school as you two, and she has definitely been in class with Jungkook before.

"Oh uh, my name's Justin Bieber. I used to sing from time to time." He says nonchalantly with you furrowing your forehead at him because what kind of response did he just give her?! What did he just tell her? You're so embarrassed that you slowly turn on your heel and walk out of the kitchen as you hear him sing One Less Lonely Girl hella out of tune, with the girl completely smitten over his drunk ass.

"Where's Jungkookie?" Kass asks as she sits on Jimin's lap.

"Over there, pretending to be Justin Bieber apparently."

"Oh, nice. You don't come across that often." Jimin says sarcastically. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yeah, stay here tonight, with Kookie." Kass wiggles her eyebrows, her cheek resting on top of Jimin's head. "It's not like that's anything new."

"Um, I'd rather much be back in the dorm."

"That cold, lonely place? When you could be here, in such a pretty apartment with such a pretty boy?" You shake your head at her.

"Unbelievable." You mutter. Suddenly, an incredibly tall man walks into the apartment, reaching about 6'1 and almost hitting the ceiling with his tall ass. You've never seen him before, but he walks in with Hoseok and Namjoon and for whatever reason, you can't peel your eyes off of him. "Woah, who's that?"

"Who's what?" Jungkook finally comes to your side after being Justin Bieber for a good minute or so, his eyes following yours. Who was he and why were you looking at him so intensely?

"That's Kang! You've never met him?" Jimin says, doing a slight nod to greet him as he passes by. Kang and his fine self looks up at you, a small smirk creeping up at the corner of his lips as he continues through to the kitchen behind Hoseok and Namjoon. "He's a transfer and on the basketball team."

"He's fiiiiine." You and Kass swoon over him a bit, Jungkook giving you a look.

"He's alriiiight. I've seen better."

"Shut up, no one asked you." You lightly punch him on the side, making him lightly groan while Jimin and Kass laugh. The rest of the party, you suddenly have a goal to find out more about Kang and see what he's about because you and Jungkook weren't official. You both didn't really know what this was, but one thing you knew for sure was that it wasn't anything exclusive. You wouldn't bring it up, so wouldn't Jungkook - so was this really something all that meaningful?

Whatever, you didn't wanna keep going in circles about it.

Jungkook fucking hates it though, and he's honestly really jealous that you're suddenly trying to be all cute and woo the new, tall, handsome [but he's not really that fucking handsome to Jungkook for christ's sake] basketball player. Jungkook almost wants to mock his every move and how suavé he is, almost looking like a try hard with the way he's leaning against the wall and talking to you.

Wait— he's talking to you?! You were literally right next to him 2 seconds ago.

"What the fuck?" He squints, trying to make sure he's actually looking at you.

"You're so full of shit." Jimin laughs.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you just admit that you like her and stop being childish about it?"

"I don't like her. She's just my bestfriend."

"Um, okay?" Jimin snorts. "When you sleep at her place every chance you get and vice versa? When she has a ton of your shirts and hoodies in her own fucking closet? When you always get so affectionate with her in the dorm? Sure, you don't like her."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do, you've done it in front of me and Kass before but you both tried playing it off. I don't understand you two."

"Well, I don't like her. She obviously doesn't either with the way she's trying to be all up on him." Jungkook glares at you, his teeth biting the rim of the cup harshly as he brings it to his lips to take a sip.

"Whatever, I'm just saying dude. Probably better to be straight up about it than not."

"Kaaaaaaay." Jungkook responds sarcastically, trying to play off how butthurt he was right now. Cause yeah, he did fucking like you. He was just scared to admit it though because of reasons like this - the fact that you possibly didn't like him back killed him. The fact that you could possibly be using him to feel wanted, needed. It made his stomach turn.

He just really liked you, and god, did he want to be the one in your bed tonight. Whether or not that ended up in sex, whatever. He just wanted to be the one to touch you, be on you.

Meanwhile, Kang was attractive as hell and ouwee, were you feeling him tonight. You were, you really were - except, you could literally feel the holes Jungkook was burning through you from across the room. You'd occasionally glance over due to how distracting it was, Jungkook literally have no shame with eyeing you, almost glaring at you, from across the apartment.

"Is it too forward if I ask for your number already?" Kang licks his lips, his teeth lightly piercing his bottom lip as he looks down at you.

"No." You smirk at him, taking his phone to put your number in.

"We should kick it soon. I'd love to hang out with you and get to know you better."

"Yeah, just let me know when." You blush, until you're suddenly pulled out of your daze by a loud 'ahem,' the loudest throat-clearing you have ever heard in your life. You turn to see Jungkook making his way back over to the shots, knowing damn well he's calling you over. "See you around?" Kang winks before he tips his cup to you and gives you a single nod.

"Sure thing, cutiepie." You bite onto your bottom lip, making your way over to Jungkook at the shot station, instantly pinching his arm.

"What the fuck?"

"Nobody was calling you over." Jungkook smirks.

"Shut the fuck up, yes you were. I know that was you clearing your throat like that."

"I'm sorry, does it bother you?" He blinks cutely, tilting his head to the side. "Besides, why come over here when you're too busy with your man?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Why in the hell would I be jealous, Y/N? Do you." The words sting you, even though part of you still wants to believe that Jungkook may actually like you. All you can do is sigh and brush it off, placing your cup down in front of him as he pours himself another shot. "You sure?"

"Just give me the damn shot." You say, making it your 7th.

And the 7th turns into 8, 8 turns into 9, 9 turns into 10. And at 10, you're pretty fucking drunk even as the party is starting to die down by the time it's close to 2am. All 10 were a good combination of shots and mixed drinks.

10 drinks.

10 drinks is what it took for you to lay in Jungkook's bed at the end of the night, hands tangled in his fluffy hair as your makeout session intensifies by the minute - all due to this sexual tension, frustration, whatever the hell it was brewing between you two after all this time. The both of you are drunk as hell, and it's pretty evident with the way you can still taste the alcohol on his tongue, both sloppily touching up on each other, kisses getting wetter, clothes coming off like there's no tomorrow.

"Wait, are you sure?" Jungkook says, about to unhook your bra.

"Jungkook, god, just fuck me." You plead drunkily, the room spinning around you. He continues to unhook your bra, tossing it across the room where your other clothes lay, peppering kisses along your neck before licking up a stripe to meet your lips again. He hooks his fingers across the band of your panties, tugging them down and letting them get lost within his sheets. You take this as leverage to tug his boxer briefs down, already stroking his hardened member the moment you come into contact with it. The sad thing is that you both are so fucking drunk, you can't even appreciate the fact that you both are naked in front of each other for the first time ever.

You can't even come to terms with the fact that you both are about to fuck each other and cross that boundary completely.

But, hell, what do you care? You were drunk. You got a cute guy's number. You're getting dick at the end of the night.

"Oh shit, Y/N." He moans into your mouth as he feels you stroking him. "Need to feel you." He quickly runs his finger down your fold, slipping in two digits to pump them in and out, quickly prepping you for his dick.

"Hnnng--Kook." You bite onto your bottom lip as your eyes shut close momentarily, your head digging deeper into the pillow the more he tries to stretch you out. "Want you inside of me."

"I got you." He says. You almost whine at the loss of contact until you feel his tip poking at your entrance. He slowly continues to slip himself inside of you, Kook letting out a small groan while your mouth was left open, a soundless moan releasing before you hiss and take in all of him. He fills you up so well, so completely. He was so big that you felt full, bloated, with him being inside of you the way he was.

"Ohhhhhgod." You whimper as he starts to steady his pace, the lewd noises of his cock slipping in and out of your wet pussy filling his room - god forbid if Jimin or their other roommate Yoongi heard this right now. It would be nothing short of pornographic.

"You're so wet. Is that all for me?" He says, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head as he begins to aggressively thrust into you.

"Y-yes." You whine.

"Say it again."

"All for you, Kook."

"I fucking thought so." He drunkily responds as one hand grips onto your hips tightly, the other in your hair as he digs his head back into the crook of your neck, his tongue messily licking near your jaw before he nibbles onto your earlobe.

"Hmmmmgggh, Jungkook. Fuck." You moan as you start to work your hips upward into his, your clit rubbing against his pelvis, causing the pleasure to pool quickly within the pit of your stomach. It causes goosebumps to pierce through the surface of your skin, your hands gripping tighter on his hair. "You're-you're gonna make me cum. Faster." You plead. He does just so, hammering into you, the sound of his hips slamming into yours bouncing off of the walls.

"Ahhh—Y/N." He groans.

"Just like that, just like that, just like that!" You repeat, your clit feeling incredibly stimulated by the way it rubs against his skin while he fucks into you. "Oh shit! Jungkook!" You moan loudly, biting his shoulder as you feel yourself trembling hard in his grip, your orgasm taking over your entire body.

"Shit, shit, shit—Y/N, Shiiiit." He says into your neck, followed by more curses and groans as you feel him coat your walls warmly. He stays inside of you until the both of you come back down to normalcy, your breathing becoming more regulated. He slowly slips himself out, plopping next to you on the bed, but doesn't welcome you into his arms.

The night goes on, the both of you sleeping on your own sides of Jungkook's bed, not really saying a word to each other. Because the both of you, although still pretty drunk, are more aware by the time it's over and it's become so clear how fucked up this got.

You were hurt. Completely hurt. Because you didn't expect Jungkook to just fucking ghost you after that night. You wanted to talk about it, maybe come to the conclusion that you two should just distance yourselves from each other to figure this out, even if it would hurt you a lot to do so.

No.

That morning, Jimin and Kass had to take you back to campus because Jungkook had darted out of his room, nowhere to be seen until later that night. The next week or so, there were no texts, no calls. No visiting your dorm, no asking to sleepover.

Nothing.

Just radio silence, white noise, if you will.

The one thing he could come up with was a stupid response to your text when you finally caved and asked what you did wrong mid-week.

Something along the lines of 'what do you want me to say, Y/N? do you want me to force myself to feel a certain way?'

Followed by a 'i'm sorry, fuck. that came out really wrong' even though you thought it came out perfectly fine. You understood loud and clear.

Even though this wasn't really an exclusive thing, or even a 'thing' if we wanna be straight up, you still couldn't help but feel like Jungkook had just dumped your ass with no explanation and you were still waiting for that explanation to come, whether it would or not. And because of this, you started to see Kang, hangout with him more often. He even took you out on a dinner date and you really enjoyed his company. He seemed genuine, caring, supportive - even if a lot of the basketball boys were the complete opposite. He was different, you liked to think.

And so you stand in front of the mirrors in the dance studio, you and Jungkook awkwardly running through the piece with Hoseok watching, confused as to why all of a sudden the two of you have this weird tension going on. It hasn't entirely ruined the couple piece, but it hasn't brought it together, either. The both of you could barely look at each other, barely get into the movements, the emotions behind the motions. Hoseok had to correct a few things, his 'pah pah pah's' echoing in the room constantly with how many times you and Jungkook had to be set straight for your sloppy steps today.

"Okay, I'm not saying it's bad, cause it's not. But can you both please act like you at least like each other or something? What's going on with you two? You aren't normally like this." Hoseok says, coming down to a crouch in front of the mirrors.

"Nothing, we'll do better. Don't worry." You brush off the entire question with your quick response. Jungkook looks at you, his hands on his hips, lightly frowning at how much you're distancing yourself even though he knows its entirely his fault for running from his feelings and not being honest with you.

"Okay, let's do it from the top." The music starts, you getting into the piece without making any eye contact with Jungkook. Even the steps that cause you to be close and near Jungkook, you look anywhere but his eyes, and your touch is light, trying your hardest not to let any feelings pass through the motion. Hoseok is a little more pleased this time around, but it still doesn't sit right with him, so he lets you two take a break while he heads to the other studio to check on Jimin and the rest of the group.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"Jungkook, you don't get to ask me that." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, not sure if he should continue on or not.

"Y/N—"

"Save it, and let's just get this over with, okay? I don't wanna be here just as much as you." Your words cut him deep because dear, you have gotten him completely misunderstood and yet, he still can't speak. He still can't talk about his feelings. He still can't save this even though he wants to, even though he loathes seeing you the way you are with Kang.

"I never said—"

"Kay, ready? Let's run this full out and make it a good one so we can call it for today." Hoseok says, clapping his hands to hype you two up somehow. The music starts and you're finally able to get into the steps. The emotions. And god, it's only because you're so hurt by your own bestfriend. You're hurt that he fucked you so good, and then dipped. You're hurt that he couldn't even face you the day after. You're hurt that after all this time, he made it seem like you still didn't matter enough - at least enough for an explanation, for some kind of reasoning, conversation, behind what just went down between the both of you. Between what has been going down between the both of you.

Besides the stupid ass responses he gave you through text.

You get so into your feelings that you don't even realize you're tearing up by the time the piece is over, and Jungkook catches it even though you face away from him as soon as the music cuts out.

"Nice, okay! That was so much better! Let's pick it up next session, yeah? We'll keep cleaning it up. Thanks guys!" Hoseok says. You immediately head towards the wall, grabbing your things to avoid any confrontation from Jungkook, but he grabs your arm as soon as you slip through the door.

"Y/N, wait. Stop."

"Let me go." You yank your arm from his grip.

"Why are you crying?" He stops in front of you, his hands placed on your arms to prevent you from moving any further.

"I'm not." You blatantly lie while you aggressively wipe away the stragglers coming down.

"Really? Just gonna lie like that?"

"Why do you care? You haven't said shit to me all week." You snap back, and Jungkook is taken aback from the tone in your voice. You remove his hands from your arms, and take one last look at him before shaking your head and walking off.

Next mistake? He doesn't come after you.

This was a waste of fucking time. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn't let you hurt like this.

You let out a deep sigh before clutching onto your things and walking back to your dorm. The walk from the gym/fitness center was damn near on the other end of campus compared to your dorm. It would be a good 10 minute walk if you really took your time. A good 10 minutes to ponder on your thoughts.

Yes, you liked Jungkook. You really liked him. Having sex with him solidified those feelings even more. How could you not have feelings for your bestfriend after all the moments you've shared? Was it your fault for assuming that? Was it your fault for walking through that door when it seemed to be completely open for you?

"Sup." Kang comes out of nowhere, pulling you out of your thoughts. He swings his arm around your shoulder, gently pulling you closer to his body. "Just got out of practice?"

"Sure did." You give him a toothless smile. Yes, he was attractive as hell. He always will be. But, even with the time you spent together, the date he took you on, he still couldn't make you feel the way Jungkook has been able to make you feel.

"How was it?"

"Um, it was alright. Nothing new really, just cleaning up the piece before the show. You're going right?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He smiles down at you. "Listen, I don't know if you've heard, but there's another party tonight."

"A party? It's Wednesday." You snort.

"Yeah, I mean, one of the boys on the Lacrosse team is throwing it at his family house because his parents will be gone. Wanna come? I'll pick you up. We don't have to stay for long." You looked at your watch.

"What time is it at?"

"Like 9ish?" Enough time for you to shower and get a quick dinner in your belly. Why the hell not? You were caught up for the week. You didn't have any pressing assignments that were due asap.

"Sure. I'll come."

"Cool. See you later then?" He says, about to part ways with you. You simply give him a nod before walking deeper into Edgehill village. You hoped you wouldn't regret this tonight, and you really hoped he meant it when he said you two didn't have to stay for long. You drag yourself into your room, seeing Kass' door wide open, revealing her packing up her duffle bag.

"Hey, where are you headed during the middle of the week?"

"My two classes got cancelled for tomorrow so me and Jiminie are heading out for a mini getaway for our anniversary." You cross your arms and smile. "He's just gonna catch up on shit when we get back I guess." She laughs.

"That sounds cute. I hope you have loads of fun this weekend, babe."

"What are you gonna do?" Kass and Jimin were obviously aware of everything happening between you and Jungkook being that they had to be the ones to take you home. They never pressed on it though, knowing you both were still pretty upset about how things were playing out. They figured you two would eventually work it out, but until then, they would just sit back and keep their mouths shut. You two were being completely stubborn, but it wasn't their relationship to fix.

"Well, there's this party Kang wants to take me to tonight."

"The Lacrosse party? Messy." She laughs. "Be careful, but also have fun, yeah? I still don’t know if I trust him.”

"Yeah I know."

"Tell me how it goes!"

"I will." You wave her off as you head into your room and shut the door. You figured you would just grab dinner on campus to avoid spending more money than you should; after all, dinner seemed to be pretty bomb tonight. You didn't mind going alone, sometimes Namjoon would join you, asking for you to bring him a plate of food while he does the hard job of sneaking inside the cafeteria through the back door. He usually waits for you at a free table and ends up staying there to have dinner with you, updating you on how life has been, how school has been. Sometimes Hoseok would join you, too. Either way, you didn't mind if no one joined. It was nice to have dinner by yourself from time to time.

You get there on time to be able to grab some food, eat quietly and head out before the cafeteria gets way too busy for your liking. You slip into the shower and throw on a mini skirt, a crop top and a denim jacket, lightly fluffing your hair in the mirror and adding a dab of lip gloss to your lips before Kang is calling you to tell you he's outside your dorm. He's wearing something similar to your color palette, however, you don't make much out of it since this also wasn't really an exclusive thing and you sure as hell weren't going around telling people you and Kang had a thing going on.

To him, you two might be a thing. You've definitely overheard people talking about you two in passing.

To you though, you two definitely weren't. And it was a big fuck you to Jungkook for that.

The house is packed from end to end already, and you're surprised being that it has barely hit 10 minutes since the party was expected to take off. Kang is having to park down the hill, allowing you to hop onto his back for a quick piggy back ride up until you reach the front of the house. There's people already fucked up out on the lawn [you figured they fucked themselves over during their pre-game session cause that shit really happens from time to time], either laying there drunkily or yacking on a free patch of grass.

Gross.

Messy, indeed.

Some people are posted, smoking blunts and offering it to people who were passing by. You and Kang both pass up on it, the idea of not knowing where it has been not sitting right with you. You both head straight to the bottles, taking shots and downing mixed drinks to chase it with so that you can catch up with majority of the crowd. Kang has his arm around your shoulder throughout the night, keeping you close to him, even when he's getting pretty drunk. You realize he's a little more handsy than usual, a little more touchy than you expected him to be. It doesn't bother you for a minute, until he really tries to hike up your skirt while you sit on his lap. You gently shoo his hand away, playing it off while he nuzzles his head against your neck.

"Let's go upstairs, babe." He says, the pet name sounding incredibly off coming from him. Maybe you were drunk, maybe you really just weren't in the mood. It just didn't sound cute, if that even makes sense?

"Okay." You respond stupidly, not wanting to cause a scene at a lacrosse party. You intertwine your fingers with his as he leads the way up the stairs, eyeing the doors as they come into view. He leans forward towards each door, making sure it's clear before opening it. You assume he finally finds one that he's satisfied with when you catch the small smirk that grows at the corner of his lips when he turns the door knob and brings you inside. He pulls you into a deep, rough kiss, one that doesn't even allow you to breathe and process what the fuck is even going on. You can't get into it for the life of you, no matter how hard you try to back away. "Wait, wait."

"What's wrong, baby? Isn't this what you wanted?" He says, kissing down your neck as he drops his jacket to the floor. He gently pushes you onto the bed, his hands traveling up your skirt as you lay there trying to push him off.

"Wait, stop." He doesn't listen. He continues until his hands are literally hooking onto your panties, his finger swiping down your clothed folds. You try fighting him off, but he's way stronger than you. He continues to be aggressive, forcefully trying to shove your panties down until you muster up all the energy you have to finally push him off of you completely. "Stop!"

"What the fuck? I thought you wanted this?"

"Who the hell said that?"

"Are you serious? The way that you're dressed and the way that you look at me. The way you approached me at your friend's party - isn't it all because of this? Because you wanted me? Why are you backing out now?"

"Jesus, get over yourself." You stand, fixing your skirt back down. He furrows his brows at you before his hand grips your arm tightly, shoving you against the wall.

"The fuck, you can't just leave without giving me anything. I brought you here to this party."

"Let me go! You're fucking sick. No one even told you I wanted this to go down. I don't know who you think you are, but you need to get yourself together and stop assuming every pussy is yours to take." He attempts to pin you, his hand holding up both of your hands against the wall while the other tries to pull up your skirt. Someone accidentally opens the door, distracting him and giving you leverage to shove him off and get the fuck away. You dart down the steps, fixing your skirt as you head outside and away from the house.

Fuck, you're far from campus. And Kass and Jimin aren't around.

God.

You groan and run your hand through your hair as you continue to walk down the hill and into the neighborhood to get as far away as possible from that house and that gross ass dude. He was literally just like the rest of the basketball team. You've heard stories and they weren't nice. Looks like he was trained well already, and that shit was sad. What a waste. A beautiful human being with such a nasty, sick mindset. You hoped other girls hadn't fallen for his shit.

Ugh, it sends shivers down your spine. Bad shivers.

"Hello? Y/N?"

"Kook, can you come pick me up please?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Where are you?"

"I'll drop my location. Please hurry." You say, looking back to make sure your coast was clear. You drop the pin into your text thread with Jungkook and sit on the curb until his arrival. It's getting pretty chilly out, and the denim jacket you're wearing fails to provide you with the warmth you're looking for. Sooner or later, Jungkook is pulling up, damn near hopping out before he can shift the gear into park.

"You okay? What happened?" He says, opening the door for you before rushing over to the driver's seat.

"Nothing, can we just go back to your place?" He nods silently, and doesn't press any further after hearing your tone. He watches from his peripherals how you fiddle with your fingers and constantly reach to pull your skirt down even though he doesn't think there's any other way you could pull it down even more. He watches as he parks the car on the curb in front of his apartment how you simply undo your seatbelt and hop out to walk straight into his apartment. He watches as you welcome yourself into his closet and pick out some clothes for you to change in.

You were hurt, and his blood boils thinking about who could've done this and what they could have possibly done.

I mean, no. He knows who did this, but the question was what exactly did he try?

He hears the shower turn on, then quickly get turned off after a good 5 minutes. You had stepped in for a quick body shower, using Jungkook's bodywash just to rid yourself of feeling gross. Feeling gross from being shoulder to shoulder all night long, people breathing down your neck. Kang touching you inappropriately. You slip into Jungkook's clothes, his scent wrapping around you entirely. When you head back into the room, Jungkook has his headset back on as he faces his computer, logging back onto his game of League of Legends. You silently toss your dirty clothes to the side of his room, making a mental note to grab it tomorrow morning and toss it straight into the laundry.

Straight into a fire, perhaps. But you loved those clothes so much, it was unfortunate it'd have such a horrible memory to go with it.

Jungkook slowly removes his headset again and removes himself from his game before he heads over and sits on the edge of his bed. You simply look at him, pursing your lips tightly together to prevent yourself from crying.

But he can tell.

"What happened Y/N?" The question triggers you, making you cry into your hands as he sits there, dumbfounded and worried at how he can fix this and make you feel better. "Look, you don't have to tell me all the details but please tell me how I can help. At least tell me if I need to beat Kang's ass." He says, pulling you into his arms.

"He tried to fucking take advantage of me." You mumble as you remove your face from your hands.

"He did what?" He manages to ask even though he has a hard time swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. He already assumed you had placed him in the same category as Kang even though he never intended to take advantage of you. He really took that night as something special [even drunk], and he never meant to make you feel like you were a used object. Not like Kang.

"He-he," You sniffed. "He tried to force me into having sex with him. He took me upstairs at that lacrosse guy's party or whoever the hell it even was, and he started to aggressively kiss me. And then he tried to force my panties down and touch me there, and—"

"Okay, please don't go on or else I'll literally go over there and tear his ass apart right now. I promise you." He says sternly, his jaw clenching tightly. "God, fuck. I'm so sorry Y/N. I can't apologize on his behalf but fuck, you didn't deserve that." He uses his sweater to wipe your tears.

"I don't even know why I'm crying, this shit isn't even worth it." You groaned. "It's just overwhelming to process, I guess."

"That's okay." He says, letting out a sigh as he brushes his hand through your hair and continues to wipe the stragglers falling from your eyes. "Anything I can get you right now?"

"No, I'm probably just gonna go to bed." He nods. "Thank you for picking me up."

"Of course. You know I'll always be there." He says. You slip yourself into his sheets, watching as he makes his way back to his desk. But fuck, the only thing you needed right now was him. You didn't want this distance anymore, and you just wanted to be comforted in true Jungkook fashion.

"Wait."

"Hm?" He hums as he has a hand placed on the head of his chair while he turns to you.

"Can you just lay with me?"

"Yeah." He says, shutting off his computer before making his way over to you in the dark. You feel him slip in next to you, his arm snaking around your shoulders so he can pull you close and onto his chest. "Better?"

"Yeah." You say, shutting your eyes as you listen to his heart beat.

"Y/N."

"Yeah?"

"I never meant to take advantage of you, or make you feel like I used you that one night." Silence. "It was dumb of me, but I just— I had trouble coming to terms with my feelings. I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same way, but I thought fuck it, at least you would know, right?"

"What are you talking about, Kook?" You ask, close to a whisper.

"I'm saying that I really fucking like you, Y/N. No, that's not right." He curses himself. "I-I uh, I'm in love with you. And I don't know if I messed this up already with the way I acted, god I hope not, but you at least deserve to know that I truly do value you and that you mean alot to me. That night, even though we were pretty plastered, it meant a lot to me. It was more than just sex and I'm sure you felt that too." He waits for your response as his fingers rake through your hair. "Please say something, anything."

"I feel the same way, Jungkook. You're an idiot for running off, but I couldn't even stay mad at you. You just know how to hit my soft spots and I can never say no to it. Can never turn my back on it." He presses a kiss against the top of your head.

"Fuck, I'm really glad to hear that cause I don't know what I would have done besides cry if you rejected me." You playfully hit his chest.

"You're annoying." You jokingly say as you chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I never wanted to hurt you."

"It's okay." You look up to press your lips against his before laying back down.

"And Kang better be fucking glad you're pressed against my body right now because I'm still looking to beat his ass."

"He's not even worth it." Is the last thing you say before you find yourself drifting into a deep sleep, in the comfort of Jungkook's arms.

"You two feeling okay? Nervous?" You and Jungkook shake your heads. "Good, you guys got this. You've been looking amazing during practice, the audience will love you two, no doubt. Just remember to show emotions through expressions and hit every beat sharply." Hoseok nods in unison with the both of you.

"Got it, thanks Hobi." You smile at him toothlessly. You and Jungkook patiently waited for your turn backstage, the talent show already off to a wild and fun start. So many students came by to showcase their talents - from beatboxing, open mic, freestyling [like Yoongi did], dancing, singing, you name it. It was always a fun time at the talent show, and it was always nice to see people getting love for the shit they loved to do.

"You're up next." Hoseok says. "I'll be in the front row. Kick ass and have fun!" He says as he rushes off towards the opposite end to head back out to his seat in the theater.

"Ready?" Jungkook holds out his hand for you to take.

"I think so." You playfully respond as the backstage crew is rushing out the previous talent and rushing you two in to take your places on stage. The lights pick up as soon as the music starts, Kang's big ass head already in full view for you. He's definitely not smiling, no, he has a look of pure disgust because he simply couldn't get what he wanted from you.

And boy, who's fault was that? Not yours, no sir. It was his fault for thinking he had it like that.

But anyways, you're feeling the music, you're feeling the piece because you're dancing with your bestfriend and there wasn't this grey area anymore. It was easier to get into the motions, to get into the feeling, especially when things felt right between the two of you.

And God, what else is more attractive than Jeon Jungkook hitting his 8 counts so smoothly, with just enough umph to make it pop but make it pop cleanly.

Yo, please. I beg. Send some help. You could literally melt on stage.

The moments where Jungkook has to be close to you, where he has to touch you - you let him, and you touch him with meaning. You don't stray away this time because you have no reason to. The crowd is cheering, lots of 'ou's' and 'aw's' erupting from various places in the theater.

"Pretty lady." Jungkook whispers in your ear as the move requires his hands to be placed on your hips for a quick moment. You hear him slightly singing along to the song as he parts from you, causing you to blush.

Sooner or later, the couple piece is over and the song is transitioning to Jimin's piece, you and Jungkook rushing off the stage so the next group can take their positions. Jimin wanted to test his limits, creating a piece a little different than his usual taste - Chris Brown's Came to Do begins blaring through the theater speakers. You immediately jump into Jungkook's arms once you both reach backstage, the both of you immensely happy and pumped that you got through the piece without messing up one step or beat. It went so smoothly that Hoseok was standing in the front row, clapping and cheering in typical Hoseok fashion. You intertwine your fingers with his, slipping through the side door to catch Jimin's piece on stage. You and Jungkook are cheering them on, always impressed by the shit your friends can come up with. You both loved dancing, but you couldn't even imagine coming up with your own pieces to teach people.

That night after the show, everyone heads to a nearby restaurant for dinner with everyone. You all take up almost an entire section of the restaurant, splitting two long tables to accommodate the entire group with doubled the waitresses to take your orders. You settle for water, splitting an abnormally huge and filled deep dish pizza with Jimin, Kass and Jungkook. It was a good day, a good night, everyone at the table happily eating and chatting it up over dinner. You turn down any drinks because to be honest, drinks lowkey make you queasy just from the thought of how much you drank at Jungkook's apartment, plus the added bonus of that party Kang took you to. Jungkook declines as well, knowing he has to drive you back safely.

Jimin and Kass head back to the apartment because Yoongi says he's gonna hang out with Joon And Hoseok for a bit, and they warn you and Jungkook that things may get loud so the both of you decide to really stick to the plan of bringing you back to the dorm. Jungkook does his usual routine of dropping you off first before finding parking around campus. You hop in the shower and come out in Jungkook's oversized crewneck that he left in your closet, forgoing the shorts because you certainly thing that at this point, he'd love to see you in his sweater and panties.

And he does. He smiles as he pulls you close, his hands traveling up your sweater, only to find out that you literally don't have shit on besides some cute little boyshorts. He feels himself hardening in his pants quick because he's incredibly attracted to you and everything about you, always has been, always will be.

"You did amazing tonight." He says, gently kissing your forehead.

"You did too, partner." He gives you a slightly shocked look.

"Is that all I am to you? Your dance partner?"

"Yeah, why? Were you expecting more?" You joke as you smile up at him.

"Yeah, I was."

"Oh?" He gently swoops you up into his arms, your legs wrapped tightly around his torso as he sits you on the bed, his hands resting on your thighs while you continued to hold him around the neck. "Care to tell me what you were expecting?"

"Well, you know, my best friend—" He presses a kiss against your lips, thumbs gently rubbing circles against your hips. "My girlfriend."

"Hm, say that again?" Your fingers are gently playing with the ends of his hair, your lips barely grazing his.

"My girlfriend." He says closed to a whisper, kissing you softly. The kiss deepens quick, Jungkook's tongue lining your bottom lip as his way of asking for permission to take it further. You gladly take it and let him in, your tongues instantly fighting for dominance. Your fingers travel up his hair, tugging ever so slightly just to let him know you want more. That you need more.

And he gets that.

His fingers hook onto the band of your boyshorts, tugging them down and letting them fall down your legs and onto the floor. He breaks the kiss momentarily, his brown, puppy dog eyes looking straight into yours.

"Hey." He says, brushing the hair out of your face.

"Hm?"

"I know I said the last time was special, and it was. It is." He corrects himself. "But, I wanna do right by you this time around. So, is it okay if I keep going? Are you comfortable?" He asks properly, since the two of you are both sober and perfectly coherent, aware of your surroundings and the fact that you'll be seeing each other fully naked in a few minutes.

"Yes." You respond. "Yes, I want you to keep going. I want you. This." He simply nods, bringing his lips back onto yours. His hands climb up your sweater and gently gives your breasts a good squeeze, earning a small moan from the both of you. His other hand begins to travel down to your pussy, two long fingers slowly probing your entrance and causing your breathing to hitch.

"You okay?" He asks lowly. You nod, biting onto your bottom lip as you tilt your head back and rest on your hands, no longer able to keep up with the kiss due to all the pleasure starting to pile up deep in your core. Jungkook starts of slow, his head now buried into the crook of your neck as he works his digits upward, tickling at the right spot.

"Ohhhh, Kook." You mewl as his tongue swipes across the surface of your neck, biting gently beneath your jaw. He begins to pick up the pace, the sounds of him finger fucking you filling up the room entirely.

"Fuck, you're so wet baby." He groans into your neck.

"I'm gonna cum." You whine, teeth almost piercing through your bottom lip in between your whimpers.

"Need to taste you." He removes his fingers and sinks down in between your thighs, gripping onto them and pulling you just a teensy bit more off the edge of the bed so he can get a good angle. The sight of his eyes looking up at you in between your legs is to die for, and the sight alone is enough to make you cum. But, you hold on, you ride out for a little longer - feeling Jungkook's tongue swipe in and out of your folds before he's sucking endlessly on your clit.

"Ahhh, fuck, wait, Jungkook!" He slightly smiles while eating you out, signaling that he's not stopping even if you beg him to. "Hnnng—shit!" You moan loudly as you feel yourself toppling over the edge, your body shaking in Jungkook's grip. You twitch every time he continues to suck gently on your sensitive nub, letting you ride out the rest of your high. He comes back up to your lips, the taste of your own cum lingering on it as you kiss him deeply.

"You taste so good." He says, back to twirling your nipples in between his fingers.

"Wanna feel you." You fiddle with his jeans, undoing his belt and sliding the rest down as much as you could. Jungkook gets out of his shirt and tosses it aside before helping get the sweater above your head. His eyes glow at the sight of your bare body in front of him, wanting to do nothing but please you and please you well.

"God, you're so perfect." He places kisses down your collarbone, to the surface of your breasts before quickly swirling his tongue around your perked buds. You moan as you tug down onto his boxer briefs, immediately stroking his hardened member while he tended to you. Jungkook was a fucking beauty himself - his soft hair, his perfectly toned body, his long 'thick in all the right places' dick.

"Please." You plead. "I want you inside of me." You whimper, causing Jungkook's breathing to hitch when you slightly tighten your grip at the base of his shaft. He gently pushes your hand aside to take over, lining himself up at your entrance. He inserts the tip, watching your eyes roll to the back of the head as he slowly sinks into you.

"Mmmmmgod." He moans. "So tight for me, baby. So fucking wet and tight." He repeats, close to a growl. Your moaning begins to pick up, matching the pace of his thrusting. You're still on the edge of the bed, Jungkook keeping you steady by gripping your thighs tightly. He marvels at the sight of your titties bouncing up and down with every thrust, hissing and shutting his eyes momentarily to keep himself grounded and to prevent himself from coming too quickly. Cause god, he can literally blow any second now.

"Jungggggkooook, yessssss!" You moan loudly, whining even at this point with how good he feels fucking into you at such a fast pace. You're feeling slightly sore already from him hammering into you, but nonetheless, it builds more pleasure for you and you want nothing but to reach your high again. "I-I'm coming!" Jungkook moans in unison with you when he feels your walls pulsating against his cock.

"Such a good girl for me." He says, slowing his pace. The creamy sounds of Jungkook's cock slipping inside and out is music to the both of your ears. He finally gains the courage to remove himself, sitting next to your spot on the edge of the bed and pulling you onto his lap. You swing a leg over, your hands resting on the nape of his neck while you sink yourself lower onto his length. Your mouth opens to let out a moan, but the best you can do is let out a hiss. It feels too fucking good that you can't even process it thoroughly. Jungkook pushes your lips down onto his by grabbing your neck, his other hand guiding the movement of your hips as you roll into him.

"Mmmggg—Jungkook." You whimper in between kisses. "You feel so fucking good, god. You're gonna make me cum again."

"Yeah, cum for me. Cum all over me. It's yours." He grunts, his hands guiding you to work him faster. Your movements are getting sloppier, and you feel your wetness starting to coat his pelvis. He doesn't give a fuck though, and neither do you. This shit feels too good for you to worry about the mess you're making on him.

"Cum with me please." He moans at the sound of you whispering into his ear.

"Faster, baby." He says, almost making you cry at how awfully close you are to unraveling. You tug onto his hair, your head buried deep into his neck as you try and suck onto the surface, trying to find an outlet, some kind of release, until you let go. You suck harshly as you coat his cock with your cum, leaving a purple mark right at the base of his neck. You continue to ride out your high, rolling your hips sloppily as Jungkook finally lets himself go, his moan bouncing off of your walls as his seed fills you up warmly.

You stay in your position, slowly raising your head to cup his cheeks and kiss him deeply once more.

"Fuck, I love you." He says slightly pulling away.

"I love you too." You giggle.

"Didn't actually need any drinks to do this now, did we?" Jungkook jokes, softly pinching your hip.

"Shut up."

"Damn, you both couldn't even at least try to be quiet?!" Jimin yells from outside the door.

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doubleleoenergy · 3 years

Text

Whatever You Like

Yeah, I want your body, I need your body. Long as you got me, you won't need nobody.

Pairing: sugardaddy!Sam Wilson x latina!fem!reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, mentions of alcohol, daddy kink, pet names (bonita, mi amor), passionate sex, wall sex, mentions of impregnation

Summary: Newly engaged y/n and sugardaddy!Sam are celebrating their enagement party with their loved ones.

Notes: This is my submission for @balenciagabucky‘s/@dulceslibrary 3k writing challenge.

“Here comes y/n.” Tony announced, cocking his head in the direction of the glass staircase.

Sam turned at Tony’s statement, excusing himself from the group as he waltzed across the floor to meet her at the end of the stairs. His eyes followed her every move as she sashayed down the steps, her hips swaying as she walked. Her body was enveloped in a tight red sparkly dress, a plunging neckline and thin straps drawing attention to her voluptuous breasts. Her nails were freshly manicured to match her toes peeking out of her strappy black stilettos, clicking against the glass steps as she walked down towards Sam.

She flashed one of her million-watt smiles at him, his hand reaching out to grab hers and help her down the final steps.

“Stunning as ever, my bonita.” Sam gushed, moving his hand up high to give her a spin, his eyes running over her entire body as she did a 360 turn for him.

“You’re not so bad yourself, mi amor.” Y/N purred, the words rolling off her tongue before she leaned up on her tippy toes to kiss his lips.

Sam hadn’t met y/n in a conventional way, the only people who knew the truth were Sarah and the team. He knew that there were plenty of women who would die to be with him, with Captain America, but he wanted someone special. Someone he could trust with his crazy life. After swiping through multiple dating apps and going on a few horrendous dates, he saw an ad for a sugar baby dating site.

He signed up on a whim, more so curious as to what a sugar baby lifestyle entailed. There were lots of women on the site and even some men, most with profile pictures of them in scantily clad outfits with large fur coats and diamond jewelry. Searching through the profiles he came across one that stood out among the rest. Y/N’s profile included a picture you would see on Facebook; y/n in a baby blue bodycon dress, standing by the countertop of a bar holding a beer and smiling that infectious smile. Her profile read: “Not sure how any of this works, my friend told me to sign up. Just looking to put myself through nursing school. I’m not going to respond if you’re super old. I also know self-defense so don’t try anything.”

Sam liked that she was different, that she had ambition, that she was a normal twenty-one-year-old just trying to make ends meet. He knew what that was like in life, and so he asked her out for a coffee date. That coffee date turned into a second coffee date, and then a dinner date. And one year later it turned into an engagement. Y/N was everything he could’ve ever wanted and more. She was selfless, intelligent, a feisty Latina who with a bat of her long lashes could get him to bend in any argument. She was a great cook, an amazing nurse, and phenomenal in the bedroom.

He never felt taken advantage of in their relationship, she was always up front and honest about what she wanted, and when things turned into more, he never for a second thought she was using him for money. He spoiled her with clothes, jewelry, and flowers, despite her protests on only needing money for school. Sam wanted to offer her everything in the world and would continue to do so for the rest of their lives together.

Sam led y/n over to the team, grabbing them each a glass of champagne from a nearby server, his hand on the small of y/n’s back as they walked.

“There’s the happy couple!” Steve cheered, patting Sam’s shoulder as he stood beside them. He raised his glass high in the air, gesturing for the rest of the team to do the same. “Y/N, I’ve never seen Sam as happy as he has been over the past year with you. Just having you in his life has made him a better person. Plus, he looks much better with you by his side.” Steve teased. “To a lifetime of happiness for you both.” Everyone clinked their glasses together, Sam smiling proudly as he took a sip from his glass.

“Couldn't have said it better myself.” Bucky added, crossing his arms over his chest, his metal arm shining in the light of the chandelier.

“So, have you guys decided on a date yet?” Nat questioned, grabbing a mini muffuletta off a nearby tray and chewing thoughtfully on it as she made eye contact with y/n.

“We’re thinking sometime in the spring, possibly April, back in Louisiana. Sarah already offered to make all of the food for the reception.” Y/N responded, looking up lovingly at Sam.

“That way we don’t get as much of the Louisiana heat. Nothing worse than wearing a full suit and sweating through it within twenty minutes of being outside. It’ll be small, mostly just the team and some family friends from back home.” With y/n and Sam’s parents both deceased, they didn’t have much family to attend. To them it was more than okay, the day would be filled with love regardless.

The celebration continued late into the evening, everyone leaving on their own accord besides the team, who had gathered sharing stories of the good old days and successful missions. Y/N sat on the armrest of the couch; her legs draped over Sam’s body. Her nails ran up and down his chest absentmindedly as she listened to their stories.

Her eyes focused on Sam’s body, the way his navy button up clung to his arms, his muscles taut against the fabric. His black slacks were tight enough to reveal the outline of his cock, teasing and taunting y/n all night with just the sight of it.

Y/N’s lips danced against Sam’s ear, her voice a low and seductive whisper. “Meet me upstairs in five minutes. Don’t make it obvious.” And with that y/n excused herself, letting the group know that she was headed to the restroom.

Stepping into the elevator, y/n headed up to the second floor, leaning against the wall as she waited for Sam. Five minutes passed, the ding of the elevator making her lips curl into a bewitching smile, the doors opening to reveal Sam, his eyes blown wide with lust. Y/N tilted her head in the direction of a nearby door, her heels clicking against the tile floor as she turned the knob, walking into one of the many guest bedrooms on that floor.

Sam followed close behind, shutting the door behind them and locking it. He wasted no time, pushing y/n against the bedroom wall, his hands sweeping over her body as his lips crashed against hers. His lips trailed down the supple skin of her neck, inhaling her intoxicating perfume as he kissed down her collarbone. He peppered kisses along her exposed cleavage, a whine escaping her lips.

“We’ve don’t have much time mi amor, been thinking about your cock all night, I need it.” She pleaded, her hands moving down to unbuckle his belt and free his thick cock.

A low hum vibrated deep in his chest, helping her push his trousers down, kicking them aside as his left hand snaked under her dress, a dark chuckle leaving his lips. “You’re not wearing any panties, my bonita.”

His fingers swiped against her slit, feeling them coated with her juices, pushing her dress up to bunch it around her waist. “Soaked already for me, I need to fill this tight pussy.”

And with that Sam parted her legs with his thigh, his hands moving to grip the back of her thighs before tugging her up. Y/N wrapped her legs instinctively around his waist, crashing their lips together again as she felt his cock rub against her folds.

“Please mi amor,..” She panted, trying to buck her hips down on his cock.

“Say it.” Sam commanded, teasing her folds with the tip.

“Please daddy.” The words send shivers down Sam’s spine, lining up his cock and sliding her down onto him, filling her pussy. He felt her stretching around him, letting her adjust to his size before pulling her up off his cock and slamming her back down.

“So, fucking tight, how are you so tight when I fill this cunt day and night with my cock?” He continued to bounce her up and down, her back rubbing against the wall with each thrust. Her hands were wrapped tight around Sam’s neck, her nails digging into the skin.

“Can’t wait to marry you, to fill you up with my cock for the rest of our lives. Want to fuck a baby into you.” Y/N mewled, peppering kisses along his jawline.

“You like that idea, huh? My bonita.” He can feel her walls tightening around him, a sign of her orgasm building up. “Cum for me, make a mess on daddy’s cock.”

He thrusted once, twice, three times before she came, her legs shaking around his waist and her eyes rolling back into her head as she released. Sam continued to fuck her through her high, his own orgasm following quickly after hers. He stilled inside of her, holding them against the wall for a moment before he gently pulled her off his cock, a mix of their cum dripping down her thigh.

“I love you so much Sam.” She cooed, kissing him once more. He cupped her face, resting his forehead against hers.

“I love you too, bonita. Now let’s clean up and get back down to the party, we’ve got a lot to celebrate.”

#balenciagabucky #balenciagabucky3k #dulceslibrary #sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x fem!reader #sam wilson smut #sam wilson x reader smut

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let-the-dream-begin · 4 years

Text

In My Daughter’s Eyes Chapter 8: Coincidence

Chapter 7

Read on AO3

A few sessions at the stables passed since Claire and Jamie’s discussion about his brother. Claire had felt uneasy that first week, seeing him after he’d shared something so private with her, but he seemed to be none the wiser to her discomfort, nor did he have any of his own. He was chipper as ever and didn’t treat her or Faith any differently. It was strange knowing something so viscerally painful about this man’s life and going on with him as usual, like it was normal for them to have shared something like that. Claire supposed she should have been uncomfortable, but as more and more weeks passed by since that day, she felt nothing but at ease in his presence.

Additionally, as time went on, Claire was becoming more comfortable in her new role at the hospital. Joe was becoming a true friend. They could often be found hiding in the same corners, drinking coffee together, or taking lunch together. He’d shown her pictures of his family and she of hers, having to confess then that Faith’s father was not in the picture. Upon revealing the whole story, Joe had looked at her calmly from across the table they were sharing and said, very simply:

“Fuck Frank.”

They kept making plans for Faith and Claire to come to his house for dinner, which, of course, kept getting thwarted by conflicting schedules. It was a running joke between the two that they were actually only pretending to like one another, and making excuses to avoid going to each other’s homes.

God, she was grateful to have him.

For that matter, she was quite grateful for Mary Hawkins as well. While Claire didn’t see her in person anymore since Faith had switched appointment times, the sweet girl was always checking in with her over Facebook Messenger, asking her how Faith was adjusting. They, too, kept making plans to get lunch that were always put on hold, aside from the one time they’d managed to meet at a Starbucks for five minutes before Faith started panicking about the noise. Mary had been beside herself with apologies over Messenger, and Claire spent several minutes calming her down as well as Faith.

It would appear that a social life was always just out of reach for Claire. Oh well. Maybe someday. She was trying, after all.

The Facebook group of other moms was comforting as well, and even though Claire was hardly active in it, the sense of camaraderie she felt reading stories and seeing events planned for their children was uplifting to say the least. She often found herself wishing that Faith was able to enjoy these events, and that she had the time in her schedule with the hospital to even attempt them.

Maybe someday.

The equine therapy did seem to be helping, and so did Faith’s time with Mrs. Lickett. Claire had confirmed with her to make sure it wasn’t hopeful-mummy-blinders making her think so, and she’d agreed. There was improvement, however small, from the time Mrs. Lickett had met Faith. She did not have meltdowns with any less frequency, but they were the slightest bit easier to be talked down from. Not all of them, of course. It would be a while, or perhaps never, until Faith was entirely capable of stopping a meltdown once it started. But Mrs. Lickett seemed pleased with her progress nonetheless.

Claire was coming home to different crafts and drawings every day, and these past few weeks, they were all Halloween themed. Colored plates with google-eyes and construction paper glued together to look like pumpkins, bats, and Frankensteins, little ghosts on string made out of cotton balls glued to white paper, and even (with Claire’s permission) lollipops covered in tissue to look like ghosts. Claire was enjoying copying the faces that Faith and Mrs. Lickett had drawn on them to make Faith laugh before unwrapping them to eat.

Claire even considered picking up some pumpkins at a grocery store on her way home from work so she could try her hand at carving them with Faith. Claire’s unconventional upbringing had not left room for such frivolities, and Frank had never been interested in the mess it would make in the house, so Claire had never actually done it before. But the thought of trying something new with her daughter in their new life was thrilling to her.

Toni had informed them yesterday at the stables that for Halloween week, the kids could wear a costume, as long as they were able to ride safely in it. Claire was thrilled; she knew she couldn't actually spend Halloween with Faith or take her trick-or-treating, so to get to see her in costume, even not on the actual holiday, would be a comfort. She and Mrs. Lickett had discussed perhaps allowing her to take Faith trick-or-treating herself before Claire got home from work, but nothing had been solidified yet.

On Saturday morning after breakfast, Claire led Faith into her bedroom. Faith had a purple trunk in her room that she and Claire had adorned with countless princess stickers over the years, containing all of her dress-up costumes.

“Alright, Faith. Who will it be this year?” They sat down in front of the trunk together, Claire lifting the lid. “Which princess do you want to be when you ride Pippi this week?”

Faith often put the costumes on and wore them around the house, and now the apartment. This was only her fourth Halloween, so she hadn’t used them all for the holiday, but they had all certainly been used. Her first Halloween, Claire had put her in an adorable Dumbo costume. Her second, she was a precious little Minnie Mouse, and her third, she was Elsa, of course.

As she watched Faith dig through the trunk, her eyes fiery with excitement, Claire was sure she’d go for Anna this year. She was certain that if it were possible to wear two costumes at once, she would have been both Anna and Elsa last year.

So Claire was surprised when Faith pulled out a blue-green dress with Celtic trim.

“Merida?” Claire said, smiling through her furrowed brows. “That’s who you want to be this year?”

Claire certainly had no objection, but Brave had never particularly been one of Faith’s favorites.

Faith took the lid of the trunk from Claire and began repeatedly poking her finger into one of the stickers. Claire looked closer, and an enormous grin spread over her face as it dawned on her.

It was a sticker of Merida, riding her horse, bow and arrow aimed.

“Yes, darling!” Claire laughed, hugging Faith from behind and pulling her into her lap, sitting cross-legged. “You’re going to be just like Merida and Angus when you ride Pippi! Is that right?” She kissed her cheek repeatedly and tickled her. “Is that right?”

Faith giggled incessantly and squirmed to get out of her mother’s grip, but not before Claire planted one last kiss to her cheek. Dizzy with giddiness, Claire began cleaning up the mess that Faith had made of her costumes, and it wasn’t long before she heard the beginning of Brave coming from the tellie. Apparently, Faith had been getting the hang of the DVD player by herself. The Scottish burr of the protagonist caught Claire’s ear, and she paused, lingering on the Cinderella dress she’d just picked up.

Jamie is Scottish.

Her mind was suddenly treated to the image of Jamie’s face lighting up upon recognizing the Celtic patterns on the costume, and upon Claire telling him that Faith was dressed as a Scottish princess. Perhaps he would know without needing to be told. Was Brave popular in Scotland, or was that a sweeping generalization?

Either way, she couldn't shake the thought of those blue eyes, impossibly bright, his smile ridiculously wide (and crooked), his deep, chesty laugh. Yes, he would certainly get a kick out of Faith’s costume of choice. Faith certainly didn’t know that Merida and Mister Jamie shared heritage, unless she had some uncanny ability to place accents that Claire was unaware of. She’d chosen Merida this year because of her newfound love of riding horses, and it just so happened that the best rider out of the whole line-up of princesses in her chest was also the only Scottish one.

Claire shook her head, laughing as she closed up the trunk again.

Bloody funny coincidence.

——

Friday came, and Claire found herself almost as giddy as her four-year-old daughter. She was over the moon at Faith's excitement as she pulled the costume over her head.

"Now where did my little Faith go?" Claire said absurdly. "She was here just a moment ago, but she's been replaced with a Scottish princess!"

Faith gave a shrieking giggle and bounced up and down, jiggling her hands. Claire laughed out loud.

"Do a twirl for me, Princess, let me see."

Faith began spinning, the skirts of the dress poofing out. This was somewhat of a tradition for them. Whenever Faith wore a dress, costume or not, Faith loved to twirl and see the skirt flutter as she did.

"Look at you!" Claire said, clapping her hands. "Miss Toni is going to be so excited, and Pippi, and all the kids, and Erica." Faith dashed to her bed to retrieve Horsie. "And Mister Jamie, too. Mister Jamie will be very excited." Claire felt a rush of excitement herself, thinking of his face when he laid eyes on Faith.

"Alright, Princess. Off we go." Claire stood up and took Faith's hand, leading her out of her room. "Go get your pumpkin." Faith grasped the trick-or-treat pumpkin that was sitting on the coffee table. Claire knew it wasn't going to be filled at the stables as it would be on the actual holiday, but since she couldn't be there while Faith actually trick-or-treated, she wanted to be able to see her holding it in her costume for today.

"Can Mummy get a picture, lovie? Please?" Claire stood back with her phone. "Can you smile, Princess? Please?" Faith was holding the plastic pumpkin in front of her face, shaking her head.

"For Auntie Gillian, Faith," Claire pleaded. "You know she loves to see you in your costume, and Merida is her favorite! Please, darling."

At the mention of her beloved godmother, Faith changed her tune. She moved the pumpkin away and had an excited look on her face, and Claire immediately snapped the picture. She got a few more of Faith in various stages of excitement.

"Thank you, baby. You're a very good girl." Claire kissed her head and quickly sent the photos to Gillian, typing:

We went Full-Scot this year! How proud are you??

Her heart light, Claire led Faith down the stairs and to the car. Once Claire settled into the driver's seat after Faith was all buckled, her phone buzzed and she opened it to see a slew of messages from Gillian:

Gillian [4:32]: OMG!! LOOK AT HER!!

Gillian [4:32]: What a doll!! Tell her Auntie G says she looks beautiful!!

Gillian [4:33]: SCOTLAND! SCOTLAND! SCOTLAND!

Claire chuckled to herself, shaking her head as she put her phone in her purse.

"Auntie G says you look beautiful, darling." Claire flashed a smile into the rear view mirror, and Faith hummed contentedly. Claire had deliberately left Faith’s curls untamed today in an attempt to mimic Merida's hair the best she could without the wild red color. She was damn proud of how adorable her daughter looked.

When they arrived at the stable, Claire was certain Faith could have rocketed into the sky given how high she was jumping with excitement. When they entered the welcome center, there was a wide assortment of princesses, superheroes and Star Wars characters. Claire's smile widened to see Toni wearing tiny pigtail braids and a blue checkered dress.

"Not in Kansas anymore, are you?" Claire said. Toni looked up from her computer and her face lit up.

"Oh my goodness! Look at you!" Toni squealed with delight, standing up from behind the counter and stretching her body over it. "Princess Faith lives up to her title! You look amazing Faith!"

Faith hummed and twirled back and forth, swishing the skirts.

"Hello, Faith," Erica said sweetly, donning plaid, pigtails, and a cowgirl hat with matching boots. "I love your costume. Mister Jamie is going to love it."

"Oh wait until you see him!" Toni squealed.

"What do you mean — ?"

At that moment, the back door opened, revealing a little Captain America and his mother, followed by the most astonishing thing Claire had seen all day.

Mister Jamie was wearing a kilt. And a shoulder sash that matched, and tall boots, and a brooch, and a sporran.

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.

"He does this every year," Toni said, laughing. "A Highlander for Halloween, every day of the week!"

Claire couldn't stop staring long enough to respond.

"Alright Captain America, sir!" Jamie boomed, reaching behind the counter and producing a fistful of candy. "Here's yer bounty, lad. 'Twas a pleasure riding wi' America's finest." Little Nolan was beaming, and his mother was too. "Have a great Halloween, Mrs. Weiss. See ye next week."

As the two of them departed toward the front door, Toni looked like she was going to explode.

"Jamie! Jamie, look!" She was incessantly swatting at his shoulder.

He finally obliged her, looking down at Faith, and every mental image Claire had conjured over the course of the week didn't even come close to the real thing.

She didn't think his eyes had ever been bluer, or his smile more crooked, or his cheeks more pink.

"Well, what do we have here?" He crouched down in front of Faith, and the fabric of his kilt slid up to reveal his knees. "Is this a real Scottish princess right before my eyes?"

Faith gave another squealing giggle, bouncing up and down. What happened next was nothing short of astonishing. Faith, Claire's daughter that did not -- under any circumstances -- allow anyone but her mother to lay a hand on her, all of a sudden thrust her hands onto the plaid of his shoulder sash.

Claire's stomach lurched, about to launch into a speech about boundaries and personal space, but Jamie put up a hand to stop her, his eyes never leaving Faith.

"D'ye like my tartan, Miss Merida?" He was entranced by Faith, who was equally as mesmerized. She must have recognized the clothing from the film; all the men in Brave dressed nearly identical to how Jamie looked.

Her little fingers began circling his silver brooch, and Jamie’s chest expanded with pride. “That’s the Fraser brooch, has our motto on it as well. D’ye like it?” Faith just hummed and bounced again. “I’m glad to hear that. I like yer dress verra much. Ye look bonny.”

Claire sucked in a sharp breath upon realizing that her mouth had been hanging open since Jamie had appeared, and she snapped her lips together.

“This is just too perfect,” Toni gushed, coming out from behind the camera. “I have to get a picture of this for the wall. If you don’t mind?”

“No, of course, go ahead.” Claire threw a quick glance at the wall to her right, containing hundreds of photos of children on horses, getting high-fives from therapists, group photos at holiday gatherings, and so many more. To think of her daughter stuck up there among the throng made her heart swell.

She truly does belong here.

She watched in awe as Faith cooperated without question for the photo, not even attempting to cover her face. She was smiling the most cheesy smile Claire had ever seen on her daughter’s face, and Jamie’s was almost just as wide. Claire quickly shuffled beside Toni to get a picture for her phone as well. She sent it to Gillian before putting her phone away:

You won’t believe this. Faith’s therapist is an honest-to-God Highlander, and he wore this.

Pictures taken, Toni took Faith’s candy pumpkin and put it behind the counter for safekeeping.

“Are ye ready then, Princess Merida? To ride yer noble steed?” Jamie stood up and started walking toward the back door, and Claire had to scramble to grab her hand before she was out the door and a mile ahead of them.

“And where’s yer costume, Sassenach?” Jamie smirked, walking backwards as usual.

“The memo I got said the children were to dress up, not the parents,” she said, playfully defensive. “Besides, I haven’t worn a Halloween costume since I was still a teenager.”

“Och, ye’re no fun then, are ye?” he said with an emphatic wave of his hand. “How did ye celebrate the holiday all these years?”

“I didn’t go to those wild parties in college, or med school for that matter.” She shrugged indifferently. “Just watched a movie with my roommate, if we even had time for that.”

“And after that? Ye never dressed up with yer wean?”

Something dark clouded Claire’s mind for the smallest moment.

“You can’t be serious.”

“It’s her first Halloween! I think it would be sweet if — ”

“It’s a sweet idea. But you are a grown woman, darling.”

She shook her head. “No.”

Jamie didn’t miss how her face had fallen, how clipped her response had been. His brows crinkled together in concern. If he wanted to say something, he didn’t, and they passed the rest of the way to the stable in silence, save Faith’s incessant giggling.

Erica and Jamie got Faith settled with holding the reins, and then Jamie hung back, as usual, while Erica led Faith to the riding hall.

“Is it real?” Claire said abruptly, and he looked at her with confusion. “What I mean is…is the material authentic?”

“Oh.” He grinned, nodding in understanding. “Aye, ’tis. This is real Fraser tartan, in my family fer generations.”

“It’s lovely,” Claire said. “You only ever wear it on Halloween?”

“Mostly, but not only. Wore it to my sister’s wedding a few years back, our Ma’s funeral before that.” He said it so casually, but her heart strained to hear it. How much had this man suffered…?

“Special occasions, tradition, ye ken,” he said. “I just like to show it off on the days I’m allowed to stand out a bit.”

He winked, and Claire felt her cheeks get hot.

“What is it?” she said, eyeing the brooch. “The Fraser motto?”

He made a noise in the back of his throat and removed it from the plaid, handing it over to her. She held it close and ran her fingers over the letters.

“Je suis prest,” she read. “I am ready.”

He seemed taken aback at first by her perfect pronunciation and her translation, but then he smiled widely. “Aye.”

“Ready for what?” she teased, handing him back the delicate silver.

He smirked as he put it back in its place, then peered up at her through his lashes. “Anything.”

——

Claire watched contentedly as Faith rode, once again in awe at the sheer insanity of the coincidence that her daughter and her therapist had both chosen Highlander apparel for Halloween. It was like watching a deleted scene from Brave: the princess’s father teaching little Merida to ride.

And then she shook her head clear of that thought, admonishing herself for allowing such an inappropriate thought.

“Did you plan that?” A voice filled her ears, and she jumped.

“Hm?” She turned to see a mom looking at her, someone she’d come to know as Mrs. Beardsley in the weeks that she and Faith had been coming to the stables at this time.

“Did you plan that, you and Mister Jamie?”

“No, not at all,” Claire said, laughing. “She picked it because Merida rides a horse. I had no idea he was going to wear that.”

Mrs. Beardsley chuckled. “That’s pretty funny.”

“Isn’t it?” Claire glanced over at Kezzie, Mrs. Beardsley’s son. He was dressed like Superman, and his therapist was praising him in sign language. “He looks adorable, too.”

Mrs. Beardsley thanked her, and they continued watching their children in amiable silence. Claire had snapped about a million pictures of Faith on her horse, with and without Jamie in the frame. When they were back in the stable, Pippi brushed and helmet removed, Claire requested just one more picture.

“Could I get one of her with Pippi before you put her away? Without the helmet?” she asked Jamie shyly.

“Aye, of course.” He smiled warmly.

Claire snapped as many as she could, and though Faith was staring at Pippi rather than ever looking at the camera, she didn’t mind at all.

“Alright, got it.”

Jamie grinned and went to take the reins to put Pippi away, but Faith would not move at first. She was nuzzling her face into Pippi’s snout, and Jamie apparently couldn't bring himself to move either of them just yet. Unbeknownst to either Faith or Jamie, Claire snapped a final picture:

Faith mesmerized by her horse, and Jamie mesmerized by Faith.

She would not be sending that one to Gillian.

They returned to the welcome center, and Toni put some candy in Faith’s pumpkin, causing her to squeal with excitement again. Jamie lathered his hands in hand sanitizer before plunging his hand into a bowl full of little yellow, orange, and white triangles.

“What on Earth is that?” Claire scrunched up her nose.

“Ye’ve never heard of candy corn, Sassenach?” Jamie said playfully. “It’s quite American, I suppose.”

She chuckled. “Should I try it, then? Since I’m American now?”

“Aye, suppose ye should.”

Claire cleaned her hands as well before taking one of the little triangles into her fingers and popping it into her mouth. As she bit into it, her taste buds were immediately assaulted by the most sickening sweetness she’d ever tasted. Her face screwed up in disgust, and Jamie burst into laughter.

“That bad, is it?” he said, his laughter rumbling in his chest. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him laugh so hard.

“It’s revolting,” Claire said, not even wanting to swallow it. “I practically want to spit it out.”

He laughed harder at that, tears leaking from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Sassenach. I didna think ye’d be so appalled.”

“You either love it or you hate it, at least in my experience,” Toni said. “I could’ve told you she’d hate it.”

Claire did not miss the look he gave her in response, but she didn't have time to contemplate its intention.

She reluctantly swallowed the grainy sweetness, and she shuddered in disgust. “Christ. Remind me to never try anything you give me again.”

“Will do,” he said, laughter finally subsiding. “What sort of sweets d’ye like, then, if this was too much fer ye?”

“Richer things, for sure. Chocolate.”

“Ghirardelli or Lindt?” Toni chimed in. “The Lindt truffles are my favorite.”

“Oh, I couldn’t choose, I love both,” Claire said. Jamie popped another handful of candy corn into his mouth, and Claire upturned her nose. “I can’t imagine eating handfuls of that when such a thing as Lindt truffles exist.”

“Dinna yuck someone else’s yum, Sassenach. Must I talk to ye like ye’re one of the kids?” He gave her a mocking look of warning, and she rolled her eyes.

“Oh, I love sour candy too,” Claire said. “If there are any sour patch kids in that bucket I may have to steal them.” She gestured to Faith’s little pumpkin.

“Here’s an extra one, just for mom,” Toni said, plucking a little bag of the sour candy from the bowl behind the counter and handing it to Claire.

“Thanks.” Claire smiled warmly, putting it in her purse. “Well, I guess we should be off, then.” Claire took Faith’s hand. “Say goodbye to the Scottish warrior, Faith.”

Claire gave Jamie a smirk, and he grinned back at her.

“S’long Merida,” Jamie said. “It’s been a pleasure.” He gave a ridiculously low bow, and Faith giggled. It took a moment for Claire to realize that she was giggling herself.

“Bye-bye, Princess!” Toni said, and Erica echoed.

Faith waved gleefully, yanking Claire toward the door, never one to delay her McDonald’s.

“Happy Halloween, Sassenach,” Jamie said warmly, hands resting on the belt holding his kilt up.

She flashed a final grin at him before Faith’s tugging won out, and they were out the door and walking toward the car.

Claire buckled in her squirming little girl, and she absently thought that it might be a struggle to get her to sleep tonight. Today was so wonderful, however, that she didn’t care at all.

Once Claire was settled in the driver’s seat, she reached into her purse to check her phone, having heard it go off several times while she was otherwise occupied. She chuckled softly to see five messages from Gillian, and then opened them:

Gillian [4:54]: holy hell Claire

Gillian [4:54]: ye’ve got to be JOKING

Gillian [4:54]: THAT is her therapist???

Gillian [4:54]: he is the hottest bloody man I’ve ever seen in my life

Gillian [4:54]: and he’s in a feckin KILT

Gillian [4:55]: if you don’t get on that i’m booking a flight and getting on it myself

Claire sucked in a sharp breath and threw her phone into the passenger seat, every muscle in her body stiffening.

As if the damn woman could sense from an ocean away that Claire was ignoring her texts, her phone buzzed again.

Gillian [6:12]: well? am I booking a flight? ;)

Claire [6:12]: Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, G.

#outlander #outlander au #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction #claire fraser #claire beauchamp #faith fraser #jamie fraser

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larryfanficwriter98 · 3 years

Text

Chapter One

-You Are My Favorite Distraction-

It wasn't that Harry didn't love his job. He did and he loved the company, but the building was understaffed, and Harry was doing five different jobs at once. His official title was Chief Media Officer, however at the moment he also filled in the roles of Chief Communications Officer, Chief Costumer Officer, Chief Listening Officer, and Chief Brand Officer. Granted most of those jobs could he pushed into three separate ones however the Manchester Branch wasn't exactly paying much attention. To say he and other Chief Officers were overworked and underpaid for all the work they did was an understatement. It came as no surprise when Janitors started getting fired then lower employees and then finally the first top level employee was let go. Despite Liam, Chief Networking Officer along with Chief Compliance Officer, Chief Operating Officer, and Chief Human Resources Officer, in constant communications with the other Chief Networking Officer at the Main Branch located in London, nothing was ever done about it.

"Hey Haz, what do you think is going to happen?" Liam asked entering his office with his laptop and a few files.

"I think we should probably pack up our desks and find new jobs." Harry said as he continued to type out an email to one of their Manchester customers.

"But which position do we apply for?" Liam questioned.

"Your favorite." Harry guessed with a shrug, "can I help you with something Liam?" Harry asked looking over at his best friend since childhood.

"Yes, actually you can help me decide on what to do if- no when we get shut down." Harry sighed as he saved his work then stood up and rounded his desk, "I like working here...well not here but here."

"Yeah, so do I and I know it sucks because you done everything you could, we all did, but it's not our fault." Harry told him.

"I know that. I just-" They were interrupted by Liam's phone ringing inside his office across from Harry's, "We'll talk later."

Harry has worked for Preserve Earth ever since he was eighteen working in the warehouse having to wear tacky white polo shirts. Back then Preserve Earth was still new and was barely considered more than a small business. They only had biodegradable dinnerware like cups, silverware, plates, and bowls. Standard things. They had just started biodegradable bags of various types when Harry had applied for an office position in London. He had worked in customer service on the second floor for two years. Then the accident happened, and Harry hadn't been able to stay in London after that and had applied for a transfer to the, at the time, new Manchester location. He had started interning with the Chief Media Officer and then had gotten a position as his assistant. Fourteen months after that he had left to train new employees at Liverpool and Harry had been given the job six months later when he decided to stay in Liverpool.

He had been the youngest Chief Officer of the entire company which had gotten a lot of attention from everyone. Everyone had told them it was a bad idea having someone in their early twenties be the front man for the media. The President of the Manchester Branch had stood by his decision and by Harry and Harry had made sure to do his absolute best in his work and it showed by twenty-five, two years after being put in his position Harry had been wanted as the Chief Media Office by large corporate organizations all over the UK and even some from America. The Manchester branch revenue grew in twenty-eight months more than it had grown in the past four years it had been opened. The President had retired soon after and a new president came, and Harry had tentatively brought up social media and how it could grow the business and connect to the customers better and the new CEO had agreed to a trial run of six months. Harry watched a few training videos online and then started ''Preserve Earth Manchester'' social media profiles on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. The first two months only showed minimal growth as Harry grew the platforms, but then he wore a pink suit and apparently it was very controversial, and his picture traveled everywhere and then they found his personal Instagram account which promoted his work because he did love the company and he really did love the products. Then the company had to start limiting sales of the products they sold to regular people like backpacks and water bottles and even ecofriendly biodegradable phones cases. Even then it was in high demand and had shipping wait times.

Harry had been called into the President's office while he had been on the phone with the Owner of the company. He had apologized as soon as he entered the room then had sat there quietly for two hours not able to listen to anything they said. When he had ended the call, Harry had wasted in silence for five anxious minutes before he had grinned and told Harry that he was welcome to keep the social medias and that he needed everything Harry had done and read by tomorrow so he could send it off to the other branches. However, they had been a few companies that had left the company as they didn't think a man in a pink suit was a good representation of the company. Or whatever the bullshit excuse was. Every President and the Owner had done a press release stating,

"Preserve Earth is an ecofriendly, biodegradable, and compostable company that is LGBT plus friendly. Our employees are encouraged to wear whatever they feel comfortable in as long as it is appropriate for their position. We encourage all of our employees to be their authentic selves and to be whoever they want to be and to wear whatever they wish to wear. The Chief Media Officer dress policy states and I quote, "The Chief Media Officer must wear business formal attire during press releases that will be aired on television. They are not required, but are encouraged to have their skirts, if they so choose to wear them, at their knee. However, they are allowed to wear them to their thighs, miniskirts are not allowed it must be two to three inches below the bottom. This is to prevent cameras from getting inappropriate shots of a person as they bend, squat, walk up or down stairs, or sit down this is not an act to prevent 'distractions' in the workplace. The Chief Media Officer is required to wear business casual attire to work unless told otherwise." With that said Mr. Styles did not break dress code policy and therefore will not be 'held responsible'. That is all thank you."

Harry had been very embarrassed and had apologized multiple times to his boss, but he had laughed and waved it off.

"Harry I'm forty-three years old and even I know that the world is changing for the better. You can wear whatever you want as long as I do see Harry junior or his two buddies down there. Got that?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Get back to work kid."

Harry had loved his boss and had been saddened when he announced his retirement only three years ago. Mr. Fritz wasn't a terrible boss right away, but after eighteen months Harry and everyone else got a pay cut. Which...okay it was reasonable since they wanted to divert some of the money towards opening another branch and Harry was paid a lot. Then six months later and there was another pay cut. Then employees started getting fired and well...here they were. Three years with a new boss and completely overworked and fearing they were next on the firing list.

"Excuse me." Harry looked up from his computer to see a woman dressed in a black blazer and skirt combo.

"Yes?"

"I need to speak to Mister Payne where is he office?"

"Directly across the hall he's on the phone at the moment."

"Thank you." Harry didn't bother reminding her he was on the phone and went back to typing when he heard another male's voice coming from Liam's office. Harry paused furrowing his brow as he listened to the conversation.

"Sir-" that was Liam, Harry knew that for sure.

"Your job was to contact my networking officers. Miss Caldor is head of Networking at the London branch. I had to find out this branch was broke was through my financial officers. I understand everyone here is overworked and I apologize for that however you did not do your job-" Harry stood up and stormed across the hall entering the office.

"Who the hell are you talking to like that?" Harry asked only faltering slightly when he noticed the large group of people in Liam's office one of them being the CEO/Owner of the entire company.

"Excuse me." Louis said raising a brow.

"Liam has been in constant communication with Eleanor since he started working here five years ago. They exchange weekly emails he told her when we got the first pay cut then the second then the firings. I've been in constant communications with her for over a year. So don't you dare come into his office yelling at him as if he's on the wrong when it was your side who didn't do their job. We barely have enough time to pee during the day let alone write twenty-five emails to your employee to make sure she takes us seriously. I don't give a damn who you are I will not allow anyone who has stuck out this long with this treatment to be blamed while your bullshit Networking officers spent three weeks in the Bahamas two months ago for doing excellent work while this man has put in one hundred hours a fucking week with three pay cuts in less than two years. Also let's not forget that when you first opened your second branch you promised one to two annual visits only for you not to show up for the past six years. So how about you talk to your officers before you come over here and start pointing fingers at people who barley sleep five hours a night for your company. If you would have let Liam speak before jumping down on him, I'm sure he would have been more than happy to show you the email your officer sent us telling us we are being overly dramatic, and no one can possibly work roughly fourteen hours a day. Which we don't we clock out after ten and work the rest of the six off the clock for free. You're welcome for that by the way. Also-"

"Harry." Liam hissed.

"What? No fuck this guy I have a whole lot more to say to this fuck head who thinks he can just waltz right in here and-" Liam covered his mouth and quickly shoved him out of his office locking the door once Harry was out, "Pansy!" Harry shouted before he closed and locked his office door around his office to stare at the document upfront of him. Harry slowly calmed down and continued working until he was interrupted yet again, but this time by three sharp knocks at his door.

"Go away." Harry said.

"Can I at least apologize?"

"There you just did now go away." Harry groaned when he heard his lock turn and he glared at Liam who held up the spare key Harry gave him out of trust, "you're a traitor."

"Sue me." Liam said pocketing the key as Louis Tomlinson walked into his office.

"May I explain myself?" Louis asked.

"That depends is this going to be where you make up an excuse of stress then I, for whatever reason, forgives you despite you not learning from it and doing it again later on? Because if so, then no you may not." Harry spoke as he continued to type too focused on getting this document finished before his train of thought left him.

"He watches too many Hallmark movies around the holidays, and I sort of messed up his tea this morning. He's pissy."

"And not sorry by the way so if you're expecting me to apologize after you I won't. I shouldn't have snapped nor cursed at you, but I don't regret it. Oh, and this isn't me trying to be rude this is me trying to get these words on screen before my train of thought leaves me for a different task." Harry explained.

"Good luck." Liam said before he was hurrying out of his office.

"What is it that you want then?" Harry asked.

"I apologize I didn't realize my Networking Officer wasn't completely honest with me when she told me of the only email she had received which was yesterday morning."

"Thank you."

"So...we're good?"

"Yeah, we're fine."

"It doesn't feel like we're fine." Harry looked away from his screen towards Louis who admittedly not two hours ago he thought was extremely hot.

"I do not apologize for what I said however I do apologize for the way it came out. I should have spoken to you more calmly and more rationally. We're fine now I do have to finish this template before we all meet up together and discuss what's going to happen next. So, give me like...thirty minutes?"

"Thank you, but you didn't need to do that."

"I'm a grown mature man I know when I'm wrong- well in this case half wrong."

"We'll have a meeting in an hour." Harry nodded in acknowledgement then looked at him when he didn't leave right away.

"Yes?"

"Nothing just... Why haven't we met before?"

"Because I live in Manchester, and you live in London?"

"Yes, but I have visited this office quite a few times."

"I lock my office door or I'm busy on the phone. Besides during the annual gala, we all sort of stick to our own coworkers and don't mingle. I especially tend to stick with Liam and Niall who stick close to the back, so we're not spotted sneaking sips of a flask."

"Right. Well, it was nice to meet you, Harry." Louis said giving him an appreciative once over that, unfortunately, made heat rise in his cheeks as Harry focused on the screen upfront of him.

"Yeah...you too." Louis smiled at him before he turned and walked out of the office, Harry quickly stood up and locked his office door again shaking his head. Absolutely fucking not.

#ceo louis tomlinson #Larry Stylinson #larry shippers #larries #larry fanfiction #larry stylinson fanfiction #business owner louis tomlinson #chief officer harry styles #business larry fic

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corkcitylibraries · 3 years

Text

Cork in Verse | Ana Spehar interviews Jim Crickard

Cork in Verse is a series of interviews by Ana Spehar with Cork Poets. This week Ana interviews Jim Crickard.

Jim Crickard’s poetry is camp, entertaining work that explores culture, sexuality and identity with a hint of colour. In 2020 he was invited to represent Cork in the Cork-Coventry Twin City Exchange, which was moved online due to pandemic. In 2019 he was selected by Poetry Ireland for the inaugural Versify series and performed to a sold out show at Dublin Fringe Festival. He came second in the 2019 All Ireland Poetry Slam Final (and is working through his feelings about it with a therapist). In 2018, he won the Cuirt Spoken Word Platform and was awarded a slot to perform at Electric Picnic. In 2020 his poetry was broadcasted on RTE Arena. A poem he wrote was shortlisted in the 2018 O'Bheal International Five Words Competition, and his work has been published in Automatic Pilot, A New Ulster, and Contemporary Poetry.

When did you start writing?

I started writing when was 16. I had just come out of the closet, my older brother Shane (20) died the same year in a road traffic accident. Looking back, I think I needed space for expression. I started out with a journal before sleep. It was playful, private, and helped organise my thoughts. I’d draw a little picture at the end of each entry. I acted a bit like Virginia Woolf, with a high-neck collar, writing solemnly by candle light. When people write diaries, I think they secretly fantasise them being found and read by the masses.

When I was introduced to poetry in my Leaving Cert, I found it to be a bit stiff and flowery with poets like Keats, which had some appeal, but when we moved on to Adrienne Rich and Eavan Boland I was a lot more inspired. It was seeing people use the art form to represent women and give voice to minorities, and how they both textured their work with the confessional. I started writing my own poetry at the end of my journal entries but kept it secret. After a few years, and my first break-up, I started sharing online on a site called AllPoetry. It was great because there were little competitions between users and when I won a few of them I felt brave enough to share my work on Facebook. A few people were kind, but most were indifferent.

When I started going to O’Bheal in Cork, though, I really felt like writing could have a future for me. Writing and performing alongside other writers really makes it a lot more gratifying and instils the self-belief you need to keep going.

Could you tell us more about your creative process?

I’m always on the lookout for something to play with and tease out until it’s a poem. I write with the intention of making people laugh when they hear me perform. Unfortunately, ideas rarely happen when I’m walking around day-dreaming. I mostly need to sit down and write to find the idea or follow whatever I’ve got on my mind. One of my favourite poems that I’ve written takes a hen party in a gay bar and expands it into a series of images and scenarios that delight me and make me laugh. If it makes me laugh, then I trust that it’ll make a crowd of people laugh. I didn’t start out with that idea of the hen party though, I was trying to write a rather embarrassing romantic poem set in a gay bar, it was for a guy I was briefly dating. Suddenly there was a hen party in the corner. They abducted me with their willy-straws and novelty-glasses, and I followed their embarrassing moments and social faux-pas as they ran around, interloping and ruining the sacred queer-space. I was much more interested in them than the romantic poem I set out to write. I suppose it’s important to trust where the poem is going and let it reveal itself. If I ignored them and focused on the poem I was trying to write then I’d have missed out.

How does the creative process of writing affect your mood?

I’m elated when it comes together. I love when I get into a flow and my fingers are typing as fast as they can and what I’m writing is surprising me. That doesn’t always happen though, it can be slow and boring and the cursor can be blinking in front of me waiting for me to write something.

How often do you write? Do you write every day?

I wish I wrote every day. I’ve heard multiple sources say that that’s the best way to approach it, and I would definitely believe it. I have had periods where I wrote a new poem every week, possibly more than one. I have also had long periods of not expressing anything on the page. The latter feels depressing and I feel my life passing me by. It is this dread I feel that I’m losing precious time to grow and improve as a writer. I rationalise it by reminding myself that I need to work full-time, clean my apartment, cook dinner, which is all true. I also excuse myself by saying that I need to relax and watch some TV or listen to a podcast. I think that writing is the purest of me-time and I’d like to transform my relationship with it.

Can you tell us more about Venus Envy?

I have been known to dress in drag from time to time... I performed as Venus for Pride in O’Bheal. Afterwards I went to The Crane Lane with all of the poets. It was interesting being a drag queen out of context in another bar... People wanted to talk to me, some random stranger touched me as they passed by, and someone confided in me with something they had not mentioned before. There’s a strange power to being in drag. It’s like being a shaman, a eunuch, a jester, who is on the outside looking in. You can say things that you daren’t dream of otherwise, and people love you for it. If I had the time and money to do it more often I would. Drag will always have a special place in my heart, and on my right arm is a tattoo-portrait of Panti Bliss, the Queen of Ireland. I’ve thought about putting more drag queens beside her, but it would be like Mount Rushmore of Drag on my arm. Who knows, maybe I will.

‘Hen Party in The George’

Be careful around the corners, don’t make eye-contact at the bar,

watch out for the mom, she’s on safari, in search of exotic birds.

For a parrot to echo her punchlines,

or maybe a cockatoo,

she’s prowling around the cocktail lounge,

she’s looking for me and you.

The mother of the bride uses her lazy-eye

to her advantage,

she edges into a group of faces with meandering conversation.

Now blocking their exit, unsure

who she’s addressing,

on about her gay hairdresser, how great

he is with the scissors.

“I’ve never had a problem with the gays now myself” she says,

pausing to sip from a pink plastic penis,

pausing for praise.

And one by one, the gays fly south,

migrating to the bar,

to the dance floor, to South-Africa if necessary.

“Snobs” she calls em -

“them gays can be awful touchy.”

All her Christmases at once

when the black crow drag queen

stalking her long legs across the stage,

seven foot tall, in a silver crown of feathers refracting light off the disco-ball.

“Jesus” she says, stealing the

microphone: “you’re looking better than me”

“I should feckin hope so” the drag queen says “you’re twice me bleedin’ age!”

Slowly, slowly, the hen party has pissed off all of the George...

Abandoning punctured plastic husbands all over the stage.

Flashing so many cameras it feels like E.T.’s family has landed.

A gathering parliament of lesbians encircles the hens,

a murder of goth gays come down from their perch

I wonder if they’ve seen Hitchcock’s movie, ‘The Birds…’

by Jim Crickard

Sex in the Housing Crisis

We are the generation of born-again virgins

headboards disturb housemates on shift work,

Air-traffic controllers should be included in rent

to coordinate times to get the ride

Landlords can afford to support our sex-lives

and change carpets once in a while

We are the generation of born-again virgins

Like ships in the night, we work to survive,

but we are no thirty year old cargo boats…

anchored in the harbour, waiting for labour,

we are Ferrari red speed boats

with miles to go before we sleep,

miles to go before we sleep.

We are the generation of born again virgins

Nothing kills the mood like mildew

home-sense is built on the backs of millennials

fumigating probate houses

converted into one-beds

with constellations of mould

and half their salary paid

to make out on an old couch

facing a microwave

We are the generation of born again virgins

If you’re living with parents you can forget it

unless you can face breaking their trust

and explain condoms in the toilet-drain.

We must not forget about our parents sex-lives

afraid their carefully considered bed springs

will be heard by their thirty somethings

Let’s give the government hell for

this inter-generational dry spell!

by Jim Crickard

#corkcitylibraries #CorkInVerse #JimCrickard

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dansnaturepictures · 3 years

Photo

28/08/21-Pennington

After seeing a nice group of Linnets walking down from the old trip I took the first picture in this photoset of some when scanning Fishtail lagoon where we were looking for a Little Stint that was said to be at the back of the lagoon and other birds I was thrilled to see a bright reddish insect burst out of a thick bush. I mistook it for a butterfly initially but then realised what it was. A beautiful tiger moth. I knew straight away it wasn’t one of my favourite moths that I am yet to see this year the Scarlet Tiger moth which I have seen on many occasions over the years and been lucky to so am more used to seeing. But I then suspected instantly and confirmed really as I followed it into a nice sheltered area within the bushes that it was a moth I held aspirations to see for a while a stunning Jersey Tiger moth. It was so thrilling to see not only a new moth again lately but a species I had heard of a lot and longed to see. I was so thrilled to get this glorious view of this fine species and see it briefly on the way back too. One of my best moth and summer moments this year, and a milestone moth one in more ways than one as the 50th identified moth to species level I have recorded on my moth life list now and 25th this year. Since I got the iNaturalist Seek app for help with ID and started doing a moth year list again I have noticed and managed to identify so many which has felt like a real revelation of learning and recording something more in 2021 which I am loving a key theme of my year.

Getting down to the shore and I was delighted by a few strong views of a charming raft of Eider pretty close in to shore I got the record shot in the second picture in this photoset of these, with a few of the males sporting traces of their white feathers in the eclipse they are going through in the moulting months. Adding well to my closest ever Hampshire views of Eiders with some so close in at Lymington a bit further along the coast in May in a generally good Eider year for us.

We might not have found the Little Stint but there were many awesome avian moments on the renowned top birding area of fishtail lagoon and the floods at the back and channel beside or looking down into the neighbouring lagoons. Seeing Greenshank, Spotted Redshank, Snipe and a gigantic Great White Egret seen on the next lagoon for the second Saturday running all stars of our big Rutland Water trip this time last week was special. The Great White Egret was very special as it was my first ever seen on this site. I have seen lots reported here but as I watched Little Egrets also on Fishtail lagoon today I reflected how I never seemed to see this bird which is getting so common in Hampshire now here until today with a great view of it standing tall and flying prominently through the air too. An I believe unprecedented for me third Wood Sandpiper in one year was a brilliant bird to see here a few times as well. Ruff and Little Ringed Plover were more top waders to see on the lagoon, and there were some smashing young bird moments as I loved noticing a cute grey young Coot shown in the eighth picture in this photoset up close firstly on the channel then the lagoon and the adorable patchy plumaged young Shelducks with one sweetly shuffling across a shingle island. A Mediterranean Gull getting towards lighter winter plumage, along with the noticeable lack of terns hinted towards autumnal days to come. A headline moment was a divine brown female Sparrowhawk darting over the lagoon which was a very exciting view of a raptor as it flew over the mudflats the other side of the path too.

I noticed some great soapwort aka wild Sweet Williams wonderful pink flowers on the way down to the lagoon and it was great to see sea lavender looking nice as I saw and first learnt when here last in July. My standout flower moment of the walk came just before the Sparrowhawk when I noticed some pretty lilac one of my favourite colours and yellow sea aster growing at the base of the lagoon. One of the flowers I look forward to seeing most especially as we approach late summer which this place is so good for so I was happy to see these as my first of the year of them. Yarrow, carrot, teasel, thistle, ragwort, bindweed and nettles were flowers I enjoyed seeing today too.

I took the third-seventh pictures in this photoset of landscape and sky scenes on the walk a strong walk for them both with some breathtaking scenes around of varied habitats with the mudflats, lagoons, sea, fields and over to the Isle of Wight seeing this really well in the telescope whilst looking at birds. A real smashing coastal habitat as always this place is a real credit to the New Forest, Hampshire and the south. In the fourth picture the tower at Fawley Power Station is just visible. This could be the last picture I take with this prominent Hampshire landmark within as I’ve known its going to be demolished for a long time but someone on a Facebook photography group I am in recently said it was the last night with it being lit up so demolition is presumably imminent.

On the way back to the car in a glorious summer moment I loved noticing an abundance of little birds in a small tree rising to projections on barer branches on the tree to reach out and feed on a noticeable cluster of midges around the tree. The birds were one old world flycatcher doing something like fly catching a Robin who’s feathers were morphing from the streaky brown of juvenile which always looks great into more adult plumage with the iconic red breast present. Starlings flew out of the bush too but these moments were headlined by two types of Whitethroats. At least a couple of the gorgeous brown backed Common Whitethroat, and one deliciously grey Lesser Whitethroat. A year tick for my Mum and a precious and probably also unprecedented second in a year for me which I was very pleased with for one of my birds of the year again. I did enjoy watching these birds in the binoculars, scope and trying for photos with their migration not too far away now. A great end to a very pleasing walk.

Wildlife Sightings Summary: My first ever Jersey Tiger moth, three of my favourite birds the Great White Egret, Little Egret and Shelduck, Mallard, a few nice Teals one more around in autumn and winter, Eider Duck, Coot, lots of mobile Canada Geese which was nice to see, Cormorant, Lapwings very well with some close intimate views of them flying, Black-tailed Godwit, Redshank with one hobbling, Spotted Redshank, Greenshank, Ruff, Oystercatcher, Dunlin, Little Ringed Plover, Snipe, lots of Black-headed Gulls, Mediterranean Gull, Herring Gull, Sparrowhawk, Robin, Whitethroat, Lesser Whitethroat, Linnet, Swallow, lots of Woodpigeons with one seen for a while on a fence post, Collared Dove, Starling, lots of great Pied Wagtails, Linnet, Small White butterfly, midges and I heard a honking Raven. Before going out today I took the ninth picture in this photoset of a lovely yellow flower on the balcony among some other plants I enjoyed on the balcony and I really liked seeing and photographing as I tweeted on Dans_Pictures tonight fuchsia and hebe two stars of the garden flower scene nicely together. On the way back through the garden when home I enjoyed lots more nice flowers especially one of the stunning sunflowers which I got a picture of and tweeted. There were great sky scenes at home tonight too with some nice red towards sunset and I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset out the front among others.

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harrysgoldrush · 4 years

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chapter 2: styles v vegan contract

masterlist

tag list

part 1

Y/N Y/LN.

In her final year of law school and already planning on getting her LLM in Environmental Law and Politics. A true force to be reckoned with. Tom had told him that much the moment he closed the office door behind him.

Tom’s office was one of the bigger advisor’s offices on campus, with his desk pushed up against the left wall furthest from the door with two mismatched embroidered chairs that he had stolen from the Tisch School of Arts last year. A giant bookcase covered the whole back wall with books sitting on top of each neatly organized row. The right side of his office was occupied by a worn leather couch that had only fit through the narrow door by some miracle. There was a coffee table with some of the school’s different magazines and newspapers and a small black fridge that always had sodas and Tom’s leftovers.

Harry could imagine her taking naps on that sofa, falling asleep as she plotted her next protest, asking Tom for advice while he answered emails. She wouldn’t even knock, she’d make a beeline to the fridge to grab water. Except she hated those bottles. What did she do instead? Maybe she would finish Tom’s salad for him, his wife always brought him one for lunch and he only ever ate the “exciting” parts before he tucked it away in that fridge.

“Harry, she’s in two of your classes this semester,” Tom had laughed, setting his reading glasses down on his desk as he sat back down. “Your Public and Private Governance Seminar and International Trade and Investment Law and Policy Seminar. Those are small classes, I’m surprised you two haven’t met before.”

Sinking in his chair, he held his back closely as he defended, “We have met before. Last week at Sloan Energy.”

“Ah,” Tom hummed, clearly entertained at Harry’s reaction. Scooting his chair closer, he closed his laptop so he could look directly at him. “She’s been leading that protest for a while now, I think it will be six weeks this Friday.”

“Is there any way to stop her?”

“From protesting for Green Energy? No.” Taking a deep breath, he rubbed at his neck and added hesitantly, “I suppose you could always talk to her? She’s reasonable enough, she just switched advisors this semester because she wanted to make Mark’s workload lighter; he’s semi-retired now.”

Tom went on to check in with Harry about his internship and how his classes were going so far but Harry could hardly focus, feeling himself drift towards the question of the hour: how could he convince her to move the protest?

From the short interaction he had had with Y/N and Tom’s high praise, he was beginning to think that he was Sloan Energy’s last hope. Why else would they turn to him, an intern, when they had a whole team of more than qualified lawyers? And why had Tom thrown him to the wolves, knowing that another student was leading a whole movement against the company?

Before he could ask, Tom was standing up and shaking his hand. “You’ll have to keep me updated on Sloan Energy and the protests. I’m eager to hear what happens.”

“Yeah, Tom I will. And thanks again for telling me about the internship.”

Tom was quiet for a minute, his smile frozen and his eyes narrowing before he nodded. “Of course, Harry. Jeff Azoff is an old student of mine. When he reached out about looking to hire students, I immediately thought of you. Pays a lot more than that paralegal you’ve been working for since your first year here.”

As Harry was leaving the office, he was surprised to see a new blue bin right next to Tom’s trash can. A single plastic salad bowl sat in it, still dripping water as if it had just been rinsed clean.

“Is this new?”

“It was a gift, actually. Just got it last week.”

The first thing Harry did after his meeting was text Sarah and Mitch, asking what they knew of Y/N Y/LN. Walking briskly down the hallway, Harry’s searches on Instagram and Facebook proved to be a waste of time. Twitter was useless, with only a few pictures of protests with faces blurred and no mention of her. As he waited for the elevator, Harry opened a new note on his phone and began to type down everything he knew.

Studies Environmental Law

No social media.

Protests when not in class

In my governance and policy seminars

Meeting tonight????

Throughout his Financial Regulation seminar, Harry could hardly focus as their guest speaker outlined the history of finance regulation in the US, wondering how he had never noticed her in his classes. In the sea of sleek and professionally dressed law students, she was like a rainbow colored rocky shore. The only thing standing between him and a guaranteed job after graduation was a strangely dressed classmate.

As soon as they were dismissed, Harry unlocked his phone, relieved to see that Mitch knew her pretty well, having dated her old roommate last year.

She was always really weird about showers. Her and Katie got into this huge fight at the end of the year because Katie had bought a Keurig and I guess that’s bad for the environment. When Y/N got mad about it, Katie locked herself in the bathroom and ran the shower for an hour. By the time she came out of the shower, Y/N had moved out.

Definitely weird.

Sarah had had class with her before and seemed annoyed at Mitch’s response.

It’s called being environmentally friendly, Rowland. Y/N has been practicing zero-waste since high school. She’s not weird, she’s thoughtful. My first year when I was dehydrated, she took me to the hospital and went to all of my classes for me to take notes. If I wouldn’t be risking arrest and my degree, I’d be protesting with her. She’s a better person than both of you combined. If she wasn’t so busy, she’d be top of our year easily. Why are you asking about her, Harry?

Ignoring her question, Harry put his phone away and kept walking, though he wasn’t entirely sure where to go. He hadn’t been able to convince Tom to give him her schedule although he could probably ask Jeff. And what was that meeting later tonight? Was it with Sloan Energy? Was that why they weren’t expected at the office today?

He wasn’t complaining, in fact he was beyond thankful to have a night to catch up with his studies and term papers, knowing he wouldn’t be getting much sleep either way.

Deciding to get a coffee to keep him warm while he plotted, Harry ducked into the Starbucks across the street and stood in line, making awkward eye contact at an old professor of his who was sitting with a much younger woman. Looking away quickly, his eyes landed on a basket with a sign that said ‘Reusable Cups $3.99’.

Suddenly, he felt inspired.

Pulling his phone out again, he quickly typed into his search engine ‘is coffee or tea better for earth?’ with a surprising yet logical result. Grabbing two of the reusable coffee cups, Harry smiled widely at the barista.

“Um, just one coffee black. And whatever your healthiest hot tea is.”

Soon, Harry was walking briskly towards Sloan Energy, hoping Y/N wasn’t at her meeting yet. He had only seen her a few hours ago with her bright colors and worn fabrics but as he got closer to the building, it felt like it had been years since he heard her familiar voice, thanking the small gathering around her through her red and white megaphone. The hot drinks in his hand had managed to only spill minimally on the frantic trip across The Village, surviving the packed subway and crowds of tourists.

She was easier to spot now that he knew where to look. The crowd was smaller than it had been the day before, with a few slowly easing out of the group to get somewhere warmer. As Harry made his way to her, he was glad he didn’t have his internship today; he blended in much better with his dark jeans and black zip tie shirt with NYU School of Law embroidered on the chest.

He waited as she informed the group of tomorrow’s meeting times before approaching. It was just them now. Y/N didn’t seem too surprised to see him as she lowered her megaphone and walked towards him, one eyebrow raised as she took in the two white reusable cups in his gloved hands.

“What is this?”

“Green tea,” Holding it out to her, he pulled it back just as quickly and examined the two cups before holding out the other one. “This one’s green tea. Thought you might be cold.”

“No, I meant why are you bringing me a drink?” When he didn’t respond, she asked with a cautious smile, “Did you poison it or something?”

Shaking his head, Harry glanced towards the main doors of Sloan Energy as she took the drink from him, taking a sip before humming. “It's good. Thanks. Harry, right?”

“Yeah. Harry Styles.”

Looping her free hand through the wrist strap of the horn, she wrapped her bare hands around the warm mug as she looked up at him. “Well can I help you, Harry Styles? Or do you just like to watch?”

“Do you want to maybe grab a drink?” He asked, feeling colder with every second he stood under her cautious gaze.

“Besides the one you just gave me?” Smiling, she glanced at the watch on her wrist that looked more like a piece of wood before she cleared her throat and took another sip of her tea. “I have a meeting in an hour so I probably shouldn’t be drinking yet.”

Harry could feel his shoulders droop unintentionally and watched as her eyes widen before she added quickly, “But I’m starving. Have you eaten today?”

She had taken them to a vegan place only a few minutes away, leading them to a table without hesitation, leading Harry to believe she had probably been here a few times before. He was beginning to notice how attentive Y/N was, from the corner of his eye he could see her casually observing him as he read the menu above the counter.

“Hope you don’t mind vegan, I always come here when I’m in the area.” She suddenly apologized as she dug through her backpack, taking out a much smaller back with her name sewn into it. “Their fries are really good, they’re air fried. The salads are pretty good too.”

They were quiet, with her eating her guacamole burger as he used the bamboo utensils she had handed him once he sat down with his salad.

“Don’t worry, they’re clean.” She had explained when he gave her a curious look. They’re safer than actual utensils, they last long. Better for the earth than those plastic things they give out here. Don’t even get me started on the metal stuff.”

The bag she had pulled out of her backpack had turned out to be a pouch with handkerchiefs, bamboo straws and bamboo utensils. The clinking he had heard earlier in her bag turned out to be mason jars.

“So, you just bring those with you everywhere?”

“Pretty much. I’m just doing my part to lower our carbon footprint. I bring my own containers and utensils mostly. Some places around here are getting better. Chloe, the manager, uses plates that are made of recycled materials and then recycles them again when they’re used.”

Nodding, Harry stabbed at his salad thoughtfully. “So why are you protesting Sloan? No offense, but don’t you have better things to do? Like study?”

“Why do you intern there? Aren’t there less morally corrupt businesses you could work for?”

“They’re one of the most successful energy companies on the East Coast--” He began but her sharp laugh was back, cutting him off quickly.

“And one of the most environmentally harmful energy companies in the US. It’s 2019, who uses coal anymore?”

“It’s not that harmful to the environment, it’s a natural resource.” He was glad he had paid attention to his Oil and Gas seminar last week. He only hoped she hadn’t. “Mining and burning the coal doesn’t harm the surrounding earth.”

“Uh, ever heard of global warming? They’re burning fossil fuels that are destroying the atmosphere. It’s not just cows.” She had been paying attention. Finishing off her sandwich, she took her final sip of her tea and looked at him expectantly.

“What?”

“Just say that they’re paying you a shit ton of money to intern. You don’t need to defend them to me, I’m not going to change my opinion until they change their system.”

Sighing, Harry nodded, not knowing what else to say.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here then?”

He set down her bamboo fork, a sign of defeat. He hadn’t prepared as much as he should have.

“I need you to move your protest.”

“Because?”

“If I get you to move your protest from their front doors, they’ll give me an actual job on their legal team once I pass the bar.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t expected that, her voice laced with pity and uncertainty.

“Yeah.”

After an excruciatingly long pause, she nodded. “Okay.”

“What?” Harry was more than surprised as he watched her shrug and wipe at her hands with the dark red cloth she had laid over her lap when she had started eating.

“I’ll do it.”

“But?”

“I have conditions. Obviously. Do you have any paper?”

He shook his head and watched her begin to dig through her backpack. “What? Are you drawing up a contract or something?”

“Yep,” Pulling out a pen and an old flyer for one of the first protests with the words ‘recycled paper’ stamped on it, Harry watched as she began to write messily on the black back side of it. It was bright yellow and her pen ink was a dark blue, her handwriting long and looped which he found fitting. “Today’s the twenty-fifth right?”

When he hummed in agreement, she continued. “Okay. This contract is between Y/N Y/LN and Harry Styles. Y/N Y/LN has agreed to move her protest permanently from outside of Sloan Energy on the understanding that Harry Styles will educate himself on eco-friendly behavior and practices zero-waste to the best of his ability. Styles must also make an effort to change Sloan Energy from inside, beginning with recycling bins within the building. Once he is hired, Styles is expected to push for green energy. How does that sound?”

“That sounds like I’m doing a lot more than you.”

“Do you want them to hire you or not? I’m doing you multiple favors here, Styles.”

“Can I read it over and get back to you?”

She nodded before quickly scribbling something at the bottom of the contract. After she slid it across the table, he realized it was her number.

“So we can meet outside of my protesting hours should you Don’t think your bosses would be too happy to see you fraternizing with the enemy.” She was smiling now, one full of mischief that made him feel like she was letting him in on a big secret. Harry couldn’t help but smile back, not quite sure what he might be agreeing on.

As she packed up, Harry was tempted to ask her where she was headed, but she beat him to it; it was like she could read his mind. “Don’t follow me this time, okay? Twice in one day should be enough for you, my own apartment is lucky to see me once.”

He didn’t see a point in disagreeing with the girl as she left the small café. Looking around, it was as if all of the charm of the room had vanished with her, the pink walls now looking faded, the table sticky, the chair uncomfortable cold.

By the time he got home, it had only gotten colder. His roommate, Ed, was an aspiring musician who had decided tonight was the perfect night to hold a private concert in the shower, his only audience being the last of their cold water. Shivering, Harry simply changed into warmer clothes and sat at his desk, putting on an old rock station before he got to work.

Jeff had asked him yesterday to begin looking into Energy Law and he had a paper due in two days that he had yet to start. Choosing to begin on the latter, Harry got to work, cranking out three pages before he remembered the folded up flyer in his coat pocket. Deciding now was as good as ever to stretch his legs, he walked back to the living room to grab it from the coat rack, his eyes tracing over her handwriting that reminded him of kindergarten teacher.

Adding her number, he typed out a short text and paused for a moment. If he texted her, that was it. He’d be agreeing to do whatever it is she laid out in this contract of theirs. Still, if he wanted the job, he knew he had to at least try.

hey, it’s harry. how was that secret meeting of urs?

Returning to his desk, Harry was surprised when his phone pinged. He didn’t take her for a quick responder. His smile fell when he saw it was a text from Jeff. He never texts, he was an email addict. He had a template for almost anything.

What the hell did you do, Styles? Y/N Y/LN just left the office. Moving the protest to washington square.

Before he could respond, his phone pinged again, her contact name flashing at the top of the screen.

have you decided when you want to meet to sign the contract? :)

tags: @berrynarrybanana @brwnskin-bunnyteeth @harry-is-my-medicine @detroitkiwis @theresthingsthatwellneverknow @fromyourstrulyh @cassiopeiaskies @ggaayyyong @mortumnoctis

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unorthodoxx-page · 3 years

Text

Blurb #2 - Numbers and Monsters

I’m not going to lie, this one was hard to write. I couldn’t really find a voice or figure out what story I really wanted to tell. I’ve given myself a time limit when it comes to these blurbs as to not over think them, and I used every last second.

All in all, I think its ok, but not really great.

As always, let me know what you think!

P.S: This was also a book idea but idk. It’s not really speaking to me.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Andorra, or that’s what the ICTF tells us, it’s hard to be sure. It happens like this. Twenty years ago, an Andorran boy named Biel posts a picture of a mysterious tattoo on his arm. It’s a simple tattoo really, just eight small numbers going down the length of his forearm. In the post he claims to have no idea where it came from or what the numbers represents; and he asks if anyone else experienced the same phenomenon. The post receives little attention, a few comments mentioning dates and hoaxes, but doesn’t break over fifteen likes, and why would it? There’s nothing interesting or remarkable about the post, just a blurry candid shot of his arm. So, it gets lost in a sea of viral hopefuls turned losers, their account holders sighing in disappointment when their special moments are deemed mediocre by the world. There’s nothing about it after that, and there’s a half-hearted vacation pic on his Facebook the following day.

Ten days later an avalanche in Arinsal buries Biel and his mysterious tattoo along with him. His accounts are deactivated, and the world keeps scrolling.

Sometime later, a blurry picture comes out of a small town near Konkan Hills, India. The picture shows a ritual of some sort, capturing a man praying over a child. Old as the land he kneels on, mouth frozen in hymn, he sprinkles the girl in vibrant dust. this picture captures the hearts of a small group of photographers. Some call him a Pujari, due to the religious nature of the ceremony, while other academics are hesitant to label him as such since no one really recognizes the ritual. It’s a small argument and it gains some traction in a tight circle of religious scholars, but the influence is negligible. Either way, the priest gains some notoriety as a testament to older and unknown practices still being performed in isolated areas, but he’s not important.

What’s important is the child. The young girl, no older than 10, sitting before the man. She is surrounded by flowers and incense and shrouded in a simple white gown. Her head down and posture demure, she accepts the prayer with a rare grace that’s not typically found in one so young, but that’s not really important either. What is important are the eight black numbers peaking just above her dress collar.

A mudslide swallows the town two weeks later.

This keeps happening.

Barbara goes missing in Yellowstone, Lucas disappears in the Australian outback, Hiroto’s tragic death in Toyama Prefecture. Akim. Kofi. Camila. Daiyu, and many, many others. No one takes note but a fringe conspiracy group called The Knowing. They saw the important parts, which were the tattoos of course. A few of the victims took pictures of these new additions to their bodies before their timely demise. Posts and text messages claiming that they woke up with the numbers on their bodies. Each laughed off by loved ones or the internet labelling them pranks or hoaxes. Which isn’t unusual, there was an epidemic of pranks that crossed the line back in those days, so it was easy to write them off as such. The placements weren’t identical, but the eight digits is what connected all the victims. The Knowing talked about it day and night, cataloging each new victim they could, trying to map out a pattern. They were close, but unsuccessful. Both in their investigation and attempts to spread the word. There was a huge global problem happening, and the world was none the wiser.

Until Anderson Keery.

Two years after Biel, an up-and-coming actor is invited to an up-and-coming talk show. Vivian Lance has worked hard to get where she is, toiled and struggled in every network she PA’d and Anchored for to finally get this reward. It’s her debut morning and her first guest matches the infancy of her career. Anderson’s not a nobody, but he’s definitely not famous enough to draw a significant audience. They have less than a hundred guests in attendance, but for right now it’s enough. It’s a standard interview, going over his ups and downs until the big reveal of his casting in a major studio franchise. The crowd will go wild and hopefully her ratings will too.

Vivian is ready to launch herself into history. Oprah didn’t become Oprah in a night. It takes time to become a legend, and Vivian Lance was on the road to becoming one.

The interview goes smoothly until it doesn’t. Vivian receives a note from her PA that a fight broke out between Anderson and his team before he came on set. She doesn’t need to guess why they’re telling her this.

“So,” she begins. The interviews been going well, but now it’s time to shake things up a bit. “A little birdy told me there were some issues with your team? Is everything ok?”

Anderson’s smile stretches and she knowns she’s asked the right question. He cuts her a look, aryan features twitching in anger before he controls himself. Ooh, a temper problem. She definitely needs to poke at this.

“Oh,” He laughs, “It was nothing. My team just played a little prank on me.”

The crowd chuckles and oohs on que and she leans forward, smiling conspiratorially. “Don’t hold out on us. What was it?”

His glare is scorching, yet polite. Anderson didn’t want to be here anymore than she wanted him as a guest. Both believed that they were better than where they were at that precise moment. Or at least that’s what history tells us.

“They put a fake tattoo on me while I was sleeping.” Anderson smiles sheepishly, throwing a shy look to the cameras. “I kind of flipped because I thought it was real.”

“Really!” Vivian laughs, leaning back to really sell it. The crowd laughs with her. “Can you show us? Or would it be……..inappropriate?”

The crowd whistles and catcalls. Anderson laughs again and turns his back to her, pulling down his collar. “Here. I hope the back of my neck is safe for TV.”

“One..one..two,” she leans forward to read the rest, “three…two…zero…two…four?”

“I know,” He deadpans, “It doesn’t make sense to me either.”

Vivian sits for a moment, before jumping up, shocking her audience and guest. “Wait! Its eleven, twenty-three, twenty twenty-four. That’s today date!”

“Wow,” Anderson replies, and the crowd burst into laughter. “I guess you’re right.”

“Why todays date?”

“You’ll have to ask them. I’m still-.”

The building shakes and the camera falls, throwing Vivian and Anderson onto the floor. The crowd screams and someone shouts “Earthquake!” before a bone chilling, tonal wail fills the building. It cuts through the noise and leaves nothing but silence in its wake.

Vivian is the only one still fully in frame. Her face is wide in fear and confusion, “What-?”

The building shakes again, debris starts falling, the air is filled with screams of fear and despair before the camera goes black.

The reports after that are a little fuzzy, but here’s what we know. During Vivian's first live broadcast, in the middle of the day, something destroyed the Studio. Conflicting reports from eyewitnesses will say it was a bomb, another will say a plane, but most will say a Hand. An open palm reaching from the heavens itself to crush the tiny building out of existence.

Everyone in the studio dies and just like that, Vivian becomes a legend overnight.

It’s a mad scramble after that. All major governments and internet sleuths were turning the world upside down to figure out what happened. It took no time at all to find The Knowing, they weren’t exactly being secretive and before you knew it, they were everywhere. Every news station was talking about it. Outraged that the world governments hadn’t noticed an issue, even though they missed it as well. It took one hour to figure out that the numbers were dates and two to connect that they were expirations.

The story was everywhere, and then more people started posting their numbers. A lot were fakes, but the ones that were real? They didn’t stand a chance. Many hid. Some disappearing to never be heard from again and others taking whole building and towns with them. People were getting desperate, but what changed things again was Amanda Edmund.

Amanda was a regular girl. She had no special talents, had average grades, average looks and average friends. The world would have never noticed her if it was for two things. One, the most important, she was the Presidents daughter, and two? She was marked. There was no hiding it, how could you when the girl was branded across her forehead. Some were relieved, believing that if anyone would survive and end this madness, it would be the President. There’s no way he would let his daughter parish. The other half of the country held their breaths.

The day after Amanda’s date passed, the media converged in the middle of the Sonoran Desert. They presented, voices stuttering and palms shaking, the death of the president and his daughter. They reported in front of a massive hole where the president and his family had been hiding. The aerial photo proved a lot of theories. No one could deny the obvious finger scrapings around the edge. To most, it looked like god himself plucked the bunker out of the dirt, but the survivor’s testimony will prove the opposite.

They spoke of the darks creatures first. The ones that preceded The Grasp. Gnarling, drooling things that held no shape. They dripped, one said. Dripped straight through the ceiling. The smell of death and rotting flesh filled the base, another described. They were small at first, the size of a wolf, then they got bigger. It was a bear, the last one screamed, eyes deranged, and no sense left in his being. With a row of teeth, a shark would be jealous of. Nothing we threw hurt it, in fact, they absorbed it. I watched it tear a man to pieces before eating his heart.

The three survivors’ stories were horrific. A gruesome retelling of an unbeatable foe because what else could it be? According to them, nothing worked on these monsters, and if the president couldn’t stop them?

More people died. Politicians, poverty stricken, sinner and saints, no one was safe. Before the world knew it, twenty years have passed by, and we are no closer to ending the threat. The Numbered are cast out now. They live in peace up until the night before expiration and the cities, towns and villages walk them out. Lead them somewhere remote and their story added to the remembrance board.

It’s sick. It’s routine, and it will keep going for years until Ahadi.

Twenty years after Biel, a boy named Ahadi woke up with eight numbers above his knee. He knew the process, and so did his town. The town cried over the unfortunate boy and threw him a celebration to honor his life. His mother sobbed day and night and his father held him tight, praying for him to survive. That night, the entire town walked him to the edge of the Congo Forest. An Honorist took his photo, and he shared his final goodbyes with his family before walking to his final resting place.

Two days later, he walked back out.

The town was shocked. The world was shocked. No one had ever survived an expiration. The ICTF and world media outlets descended on the town, each wanting to know how he survived and what it meant. Now this where things get a bit redacted. The ICTF didn’t release a lot of details, but what we know is that the tattoo is no longer a stark black, but a faded grey color. The world took that as a sign of the boys safety and a beacon of hope. That there is a way to survive these creatures. When asked how he did it, Ahadi would only say one thing.

“I held my breath.”

He would say nothing else. The world theorized that he couldn’t say anything else, a price for surviving, some whisper. A hint, others shout. That’s all the world needed, hell that’s all she needed, because history won’t help her here.

Aniyah doesn’t have time, in fact, she has very limited time. Her dates been stamped, and she refuses to be one of the Remembered.

#blurb #blurbs #writing #writer #writeblr #writblr #creative writing #monster #monster story #fiction #Author #writing prompt #original work #original characers #original writing

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boughtwithaprice · 3 years

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I Kissed His Books Goodbye

Kae Salonzo Perez- Dilla

April 30, 2021

It was in 2019 when one of my favorite Christian authors shocked the Christian world by announcing his separation from his wife. It was Joshua Harris, the famous author and pastor who wrote, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" which sold millions of copies since their publication in the 90s and made him like a Christian celebrity. I was totally heartbroken when this news popped on my IG feed. A year before this devastating news, I came across Joshua Harris on Facebook and YouTube where I learned about his recent project at that time which is also the reasn why he resurfaced. He was on some documentary film of some sort where he reevaluated his very own books mentioned earlier. I have also watched his TED Ed segment where he apologized for the lives destroyed by his book. He said that he was too young when he wrote his famous books. I was puzzled at that time which led me to do more research a.k.a stalking. I am a good stalker, you know. Kidding aside! So, from there, I started stalking the Harris couple on their social media accounts. I will not forget feeling that something was already off from their relationship since they are both absent from each other's daily activities. I do not know if that is just normal with other people but to me, it isn’t. Also, it struck me that Shannon and the Harris daughters "appear" to be highly modern and very much "in the trend" kind of way when it comes to their clothes, music, and social media posts. Given that they are in the limelight of conservative believers, this is a diversion. I was not a diehard fan of Joshua Harris and so I do not really know what happened to him after writing his books, after getting married to the girl of his prayers, and after pastoring a mega church for 17 years. However, I suddenly recalled an information he disclosed in one of his books. It was about Shannon whose inches close to starting her music career but then converted to her newfound faith and so this dream career of hers was aborted. This, I strongly recalled when I found lots of her IG post informing the world that she is about to release her music albums -which her songs don’t have the slightest expression of her love for God. For a preacher’s wife, for a Christian woman, so to speak, her recent project gave me another major what-in-the-world-is-happening moment. These findings surprised me! That's why I'm not really taken aback when Joshua Harris announced that he and his wife, Shannon, are eventually divorcing. Perhaps something bigger is afoot since then.

I know I am very late to make a fuss about Joshua Harris and his chosen path today, but I just want to express my thoughts since I kept seeing him lately. I was instantly reminded that I followed him on IG! And now I think about unfollowing him so I would be free from another stress. So, following his separation from his wife in 2019, more of his announcements on the social media just got more terrible as time pass by. He then denounced his Christian faith and joined an LGBTQ parade publicly. What worst could happen now? He has been posting his personal criticism on “Christianity" and against people "in the faith" with the notion of man's freedom being suppressed by God's will. He makes obedience to God appear so vexing and that it’s the very thing that stifle man from enjoying earthly pleasures. He just twisted the truth about ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’. God is angry at the wicked every day and so we were all once hated by God until he shows us His grace (Psalms 7: 11). But tolerating a sinner could never equate to any form of love. Unless man sees himself as a sinner, he will never repent and seek God. Harris has numerous posts about this particular topic! As I see it, one could assume that it is his way of answering back to the spiteful comments he keeps on receiving from the Christian group. He’s making the believers look like a group of unbelievable people for hurting him with God’s truths. The truth will surely hurt him.

There is no denying of the fact that Joshua Harris is still a hot issue among Christians today. Every time Christians talk about relationships, Joshua and his books are brought into place. Before the declaration of his newfound path away from Christ, his books were said to be the "Bible" of Christian romance. Decades ago, Joshua and his books were often referred to when Christians tend to look for godly relationships to pattern theirs. I personally and seriously took note of the contents of his books since I was in a relationship when I read them back then. Just like the other Harris loyalists, I would always mention his name and the things I have learned from his books when giving advice to my friends both in and out of the church during girl talks. It's such a shame that I have to evaluate my old self and admit that I have passed onto others the words of Harris more than God's. This, I humbly ask forgiveness from the Lord. And so, fast forward to the present time, look at how events have turned now. No one knows what really happened between Joshua and Shannon, but I'm pretty sure that whatever hit their relationship is a reflection of their individual relationship with God which have finally come in fruition in time. The book of Jeremiah says in chapter 7 verse 24, But they hearkened not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward, and not forward. Whilst spending years and years of their life in the ministry, I could not help but wonder, was God really there "in" them? Frankly, although no man is in the position, it’s hard not to question their salvation thinking about what happened to them.

Joshua Harris have said in an interview that he excommunicated himself from his church because he failed to follow the standards required by the scriptures. In his words, he sounded like he was the victim more than the traitor. To add, one of his videos on YouTube showed live reactions from the offended readers of his books. I personally think that was a clear picture answering the question of why he ended up retracting his beliefs in public. He responded to those people in oppose to what Christians should be doing when being persecuted. He wanted to please them so bad to the point where he just decided to abandon his post, leave his God or god and follow them as if that was the best decision to reach out to them. His mindset is just so disappointing. At some point, did he blame God for earning his haters? Is that why he went after people he doesn’t personally know and has no relationship with God? Was he supposed to reevaluate through the Bible or through people’s lenses? How many were Christians in that pool of readers? It was just necessary to apologize for the wrong points that resulted to misguided readers, but why leave the faith? It’s true that it takes lots of courage to face the music but I don’t see the part where leaving your faith is a new definition of bravery.

When a Christian is found to be challenged, he ought to thrive. What happened to standing fast in the faith written in 1 Corinthians 16:13? But instead, Joshua Harris allowed the enemy to overpower him. He heard the wrong side. Well, to start with, he's probably not a genuine Christian. We don't want to judge him but again, we have been warned in Ephesians 4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; A Youtuber also commented that a Christian should never find his life in the Lord burdensome. Sadly, Harris has put down his cross, got tired and stopped following the Savior. A believer's walk with Christ was never promised to go through an easy road but we will always find ourselves consistently rejoicing in His grace despite the way. Otherwise, those who are just pretending to understand the gospel will soon be revealed and will simply walk away because they were not meant to be in the fold of Christ in the first place.

Just recently, not only Harris have denounced his faith in Christ. There were others. Although this is not new anymore because there were others even before Harris’s time, but in this age of social media, issues like this have great impact in the Christian society perceived in various wavelength. And this case has left Christiandom a question-- what do we do with the learnings gained from such persons? It is fitting to know where the line should be drawn when reading Christian books. The Lord has commanded us to daily seek Him in prayer and in the scriptures. Even the prophets enquired and searched diligently (1 Peter 1: 10). Hence, to check if the materials we read carry God’s truth in them, they must be aligned to what the Bible says. God’s words should affirm the ideas being offered to us by other books whether they appear new or not. I believe that the things I learned from Joshua’s books really helped me assess my former relationship and double check if it indeed glorifies the Lord. But I do not give credit to the author because most of the concepts of the godly dating he presented were extracted from the Bible and were inspired by the people around him that were ‘in Christ’, and Lord willing, still walking with Him until now. Joshua Harris have miserably left his once professed faith and no wonder when ‘his followers’ do the same too. The Lord only revealed the impending danger of following leaders and prominent individuals with such devotion that should only belong to God. We should be vigilant and be fully aware of where and with whom do we pour our faith into. 2 Peter 3:17, KJV: "Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness."

The books written by Joshua Harris have heavily influenced his Christian readers. However, more than those pages that illuminated his beliefs before, what would really speak for himself is the life he chose to live today. I have kissed dating goodbye long time ago, not because of his books, but because God has been gracious to me and provided me a godly man to marry. I won’t recommend Joshua’s books but I will be keeping them. If people see them on my shelf one day, I know significant lessons could be drawn from them --more than courtship and dating, but particularly about a Christian’s walk with Christ.

We are in the end times and we are witnessing the falling away of man as said in 2 Thessalonians 2:3. But by God’s grace, His true children will persevere until His glorious return. The sad story of Joshua Harris just proved that our God is a perfect God who is solely worthy of receiving man’s adoration and trust. Not that He needs any of it, but it’s just crystal clear that no one else does. And that no earthly relationship should we model ours after except that of Christ and His love for the church which we could learn nowhere else but from the scriptures.

Isaiah 40:25-31

To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One.

Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.

Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

#joshuaharris #ikisseddatingggoodbye #joshuaharrisbooks #boymeetsgirl #kaperanggot #dating #courtship #christian #christianity #christianromance #godlydating #romance #christianlove

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foolishlovebugbaby · 4 years

Text

ten-thousand miles gone

prologue

summary: they say time heals all wounds, but the one left by han jisung on your heart is one that you still treat tenderly. alternatively; han jisung reappears into your life like a whirlwind, knocking you off of your feet, after leaving you without a goodbye.

genre: angst

warnings: nothing triggering or rated

word count: 6k

note: in my head, the mind map of the way this particular fic ended went in so many directions, but this was very draining to write so i settled on the one that wouldn’t leave you hanging.

been travelling these wide roads for so long my heart’s been far from you ten-thousand miles gone

In your younger years, life had always seemed to move gradually. Time seemed to be muffled by all the firsts and seconds that came and went like waves, distracting everyone from the reality of growing pains. But college certainly ripped off that bandaid, a cushion no longer supporting your fall into the harsh realities of life.

Second semester of sophomore year had just ended, so now every college student across the country was making a beeline for the airports and bus stations, with tickets home clasped tightly between hands that were potentially developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Luckily for you, home was two train rides and a taxicab away. But like all your independent adventures of navigating life unhinged, no journey would be complete without twenty-something voicemails from your mother telling you to padlock your luggage and some vague, superstitious advice she read on Facebook.

[To ma: yes, i didnt forget to pack your scarf and no, im not going to drink ginger and ginseng to ward off bad train spirits.]

[From ma: thank you. suit yourself , you will be bad spirit magnet !]

You chuckle and shove your phone into your pocket, hailing a cab with one hand while the other slings an abnormally large duffle bag over your shoulder. “North-Hill train station please.” You say to the cab driver and shove your luggage into the seat next to you.

You let out a tired sigh and slump into the pleather seats. Butterflies swarmed your stomach- you always seemed to get them whenever you went back home. Back to the place of some of your greatest and worst memories. Somehow, through the years, the fear of seeing him again in that godforsaken town died down, because the thought of ever being able to see him again at all proved itself to be almost impossible.

Even a fool knows this, you’re the best thing I’ve got…

You almost choke on your spit when that song comes on the radio. Of course that song had to come on so conveniently in the middle of your trip down melancholy lane. You have half a mind to reach over and turn the radio off, but decide against it when you see the cute old man bobbing his head to it.

So instead your mind traces its steps back a few moments until all you’re reminded of is him.

In your head you remember all these great experiences- graduation day, senior prom, camp nights during wintertime and summer carnivals down at the boardwalk. But then your mind tortures you and conjures up these images of what it would’ve been like to have experienced it all with him next to you and suddenly the memories become less fond. It’s treacherous, really, being your own worst enemy. But you learnt the hard way that time slows down for no one.

When you get to the train station, you move in a daze. The muscle memory of validating your ticket and walking to the platform does all the work for you. And usually that would be a good thing, except now it only allowed you to stay in your head a lot more. It’s funny, really, how everytime you see posters and billboards of his group around you don’t flinch. Not anymore at least. Because you don’t know him anymore, and he’s probably forgotten about you.

Sometimes, you’re convinced he was just a character that your very active imagination conjured up to fill gaps in your life with meaning. But every time you open a picture of the pair of you way back when, you’re met with the reality that he was real. Even if it was just for a short amount of time, he was visible to you. Tangible. And meant galaxies to you.

[From mama han: cant wait 2 see u back again ! have dinner with us soon xoxo]

You smile fondly down at your phone once you’re situated in your seat, typing out a reply to the woman you consider a second mom.

You thanked the universe for still keeping her in your life. Sure, her son would probably be known to you as the biggest jackass to exist for eternity, but she would remain sweet and tender in your heart for longer than that.

[To mama han: can’t wait to see you too:)]

You don’t confirm your spot at their dinner table, because frankly speaking, the last time you stepped foot in their house was the summer before university when you went to drop off a box of jisung’s things that you found in your room- sweatshirts, t-shirt’s, notes and other miscellaneous items that demanded you remember every miniscule moment spent with him. And since then you’ve found every excuse not to go near that place. You knew it probably hurt the woman whenever you conjured up some arbitrary excuse to not dig in to her incredible cooking, but the finger is to be pointed at Han Jisung and Han Jisung only. Screw him.

She sometimes tries to address the elephant in the room whenever you do get to talk during her visits at your childhood home. Like It would be great to have you both visit at the same time or Would you like me to call him? I’m sure he’s not busy right now. Yeah, subtle as a gun, but you love her still.

You’re not one to believe in luck, and if you did you’d actually quite fancy yourself as the most unluckiest person of them all, but you thank the heavens that he’s never been back home the same time as you have. Either that, or you’re just way too good at being further than a 10-mile radius from him. Like last semester break, when you got word from one of your childhood friends that he would be in town so you decided to cancel all your plans of going back home under the guise of going on a group excursion somewhere up north. Obviously, all you did was stay in your dorm and binge watch Gossip Girl for three weeks, but you concluded that anything would be better than having to confront your demons- or demon. Singular.

What would you even say if you saw him? Realistically, not that much. Ideally, you’d destroy him with words. All that pent up anger for him leaving you behind and all the unresolved feelings left to concentrate in an urn you buried deep in yourself exploding like Pandora's box right before him. 5 years passed, and yet you still found it difficult to imagine what a conversation would be like with him again.

Honestly, you’d tell him to stay a while longer, just so that he’d remain vivid in your memories once he decided to leave again.

When the taxi cab pulled up in front of your childhood home, you were half asleep and in desperate need of a solid meal. “Thanks, keep the change,” you say groggily as you pass the money to the driver.

You take a deep breath once you’re out of the car, your duffle bag slung around your frame. It’s been a very long time since you were last here. The months seemed to pile up without you noticing, and now that you think about it, it had been a good whole year that passed. You don’t know where the time went, but you were definitely here now.

You trudge up to the door, ringing the bell once. “Hey ma,” You say as she squeals and pulls you in for a hug. “I’m glad you’re back in one piece, especially since you ignored my advice.” She says pointedly and ushers you in. “Yeah, well, I guess the train spirits didn’t feel like victimising me today.” She looks at you with her mouth hung open and slaps your arm.

“Don’t say that!” She’s about to scold you more when your dad enters the living room in his pajama pants. “My daughter finally decides to show her face around here! Send in the doves!” You always knew that you got your flare for drama from your dad.

“How are you doing sweetie, we missed you.” He gives you a big bear hug and you sigh. “I know, it’s been too long.”

“There is not enough time in this world to mope around! Now, darling, it’s very late so your father and I are off to bed. There’s some leftovers for you in the toaster oven in case you get hungry,” They both smother you in a hug and you almost suffocate. “We’d love to hear all about your university in the morning. Sleep tight honey.”

And so you’re left to your own devices. Again. Sighing, you reluctantly head up the stairs and make your way into your old room. A smile finds its place on your lips.

The room is oddly clean- you figured your mother must have emotionally cleaned in here (more than once) during your time away from home. But the walls are still the same ugly navy blue, and your star-print curtains remained planted in front of your windows with planet decorations all over the ceiling to match. Funny. He helped you decorate. Said it made your room feel like the universe was just the two of you.

You didn’t know that what he really meant was that you were his safe place.

You spend a good thirty-minutes unpacking, tinkering around your old room and texting your friends about your trip home. It feels like an eternity passed when you finally decide to listen to your growling stomach and go get something to eat. But you’re picky and nothing in your kitchen seems to entice you enough to devour it, so you swipe your house keys off the kitchen countertop and head to your door. 7-Eleven it is. You’re dressed in a pair of leggings and a pink sweater with fluffy slides to match, but you could care less.

As you walk out of your driveway and head down your street, you pass by his house. The lights are off (of course, since it’s an ungodly 1AM) and it practically looked like a dollhouse.

You turn your gaze away.

The walk to the local 7-Eleven is only 5 Hozier tracks away, so you reach there in no time. Your tummy growls when you enter, and you immediately head to the instant section. Hmm, ramen, tteokbokki or pasta, choices choices choices…

You’re too busy pondering to notice the figure clad in sweats and a baseball cap standing frozen at the end of the aisle, gaping like a fish your way. He practically isn’t breathing, but your presence had knocked the wind right out of his chest.

“Y-Y/n?” He manages to breathe out, and you look around, confused. Did someone just say my name?

Your eyes slowly turn to his figure, and you can barely see who it is from afar. Tan skin can be seen from the collar under his hoodie, and dirty-blonde hair peeks out at the ends of his baseball cap. You feel like you’re seeing things, because you know that baseball cap. You bought it.

Slowly, your eyes trail over his face, and you feel the air leave your lungs.

Jisung still remembers the last time he saw you. Well, the last time he saw you before he didn’t say goodbye.

It was a Thursday afternoon, History class had just ended. On the way out, he caught a glimpse of you. He hadn’t seen much of you the entire week, but that was because he was actively trying to avoid you. But there you were, at your locker putting away your books with that puppy-dog expression you always wore whenever you were tired and in need of a good nap. He stood for a few moments, taking you in. Even if your hair was messily up in a bun with a hoodie two sizes too big drowning your frame, he still thought you looked like an absolute dream. He wanted to go up to you and ask you how was calculus? And when you pout and say boring, he would suggest you come over for some hot chocolate and a movie. And you would say yes, with a sleepy, lopsided smile, and his body would feel all warm and fuzzy at the sight of you.

But he doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he leaves his heart by the lockers, and with one last look, he walks away. His jacket does nothing to warm the cold that creeps its way up.

Had he known he wouldn’t get to see you one last time after that, he would’ve watched you for a few seconds longer. Had he known that you would fall sick and stay home from school the day before his flight, he would have told you to take better care of yourself. And had he known that the last time he’d see you would be when you’re drained and tired and down, he would have gone up to you to make you smile, one last time.

He never stopped recreating pictures of you in his head, fearing the outlines of you would fade.

Except now, as you stand a mere six feet away, he feels as though you stepped out of his mind and into his world once again. He can see you. You’re there.

None of the pictures of you that he drew up in his head would ever compare to the way you looked right then. Beautiful, just as he remembered you.

Your name feels like a foreign language when it leaves his lips.

The air is so thick between the pair of you that it makes everything around him slow down. He sees your eyes move from confusion, to shock, to utter fear and bewilderment, and then to pain. It feels as though a knife impaled his heart when he sees your eyes quiver.

He always loved your eyes. Dark brown, like freshly turned over earth, warmed by the sun. They look at him with sorrow now.

Your arms drop to your sides and your lips quake, “J-Jisung?” God, he forgot what it was like to hear his name in your voice. He hates that it’s said with so much heartache.

You run out without thinking twice.

“Stop, slow down! W-wait!” You hear his voice call out for you, but you continue to run- where? You don’t know. You just wanted to get away. Your feet take you far down the sidewalk, lamp-posts your only source of light at this time of night.

But you’re not fast enough, and for the first time in a long time, you feel his grip on your arm.

“Let go of me,” You say, your voice already breaking. He breaks with it.

“Y/N listen-” He pants out.

“No, let go of me!” You snatch your arm away from his grip. God, you’re furious. And hurt. And every other emotion there is to feel when you see the person who left you with nothing.

Your raised voice startles the two of you, and you both stand there for a moment, breathless. From running, from shock.

He doesn’t say anything and just gapes at you, “Well?” You provoke pointedly. “What? Cat got your tongue?”

“No ‘Hey y/n! How’ve you been? Long time no see since, you know, I abandoned you’.” You say harshly and the knife in his heart twists.

“I know you’re hurt-” You cut him off.

“Hurt? Hurt? Hurt doesn’t even come close to what I feel, Jisung.” All the words you want to spew get caught in the back of your throat and you fight yourself to keep it together because you don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t want him to catch you vulnerable and raw, because you don’t know if you can trust him with that part of you again.

“Can we please just- can we please just talk?” He begs, and you scoff. “Please?” His eyes plead with you, and you frustratedly run a hand through your hair.

“So talk.” You cross your arms over your chest and look at anywhere but him. He doesn’t say anything, and each time he tries to, all he does is end up biting his tongue. Where does he even begin?

“I’m sorry,” He croaks out, even though it’s the worst thing to say.

“Great. All is forgiven.” You’re ruthless, but that’s only because he didn’t show any mercy when he left.

He searches your eyes, not knowing what he could say to make things right. Or if that was even a possibility anymore. You both stand in silence for a while, and slowly your resolve breaks away.

“Why?” You say, your voice coarse and exhausted. “Why’d you do it? I tortured myself for months- no, years asking myself what I did wrong that caused you to leave me like that. What- was it something I said? Something I did? Please- tell me, I’m begging you,” You’re full-on sobbing now, tears flowing down your face like waves. They twinkle in the warm streetlights and he feels the ground beneath him crumble. The wound he left on your heart was ripped open again, and you couldn’t help but bleed in front of him. “P-please, Jisung. It’s been killing me for so long.”

Tears leave his eyes, “It wasn’t your fault,” He says softly.

“Then what was it? Because for all this time I broke myself down, questioning why you left like that. For so long I thought you were mad at me- I thought you became tired of me, bored of having me around. Do you know what that’s like? Tearing yourself apart to find answers you know you can’t answer by yourself?” “Shit, I thought you didn’t need me anymore. Which sucked, because I needed you.” You whisper through ragged breaths and he takes careful steps closer to you.

“Of course I still needed you- I haven’t stopped needing you, y/n.” His voice is as broken as yours.

“Then why?” Your voice is barely above a whisper and you struggle so hard to not fall to the ground.

“Do you know what it felt like to wake up one morning, clueless and thinking everything was fine, and then finding out that it was, in fact, not? Do you know what it was like to find out the person you cared for the most up and left you alone and with no explanation- not even a single goodbye? To be desperate to hear his voice again, and wonder to yourself why it was so easy for him to cut you off like that?” He stood right in front of you, so close that he could touch you.

“I searched for you. I still looked for you in the hallways at school, hoping it was just one of your stupid pranks. I waited in my room for you to climb up to my window again and whisk me away to the park for one of our late-night walks. I called your phone for days, just in case you’d finally get annoyed and pick up. You never did. You never did,” You didn’t notice that your face was in his hands and that he tried so desperately to wipe your tears away, his own streaming down his face.

He sucked in a breath, “I left like that because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get on that plane with you watching. That I would drop everything, all my stupid dreams, to stay in this stupid town for god knows how long with you. Leaving you was the most painful part,”

“That day I found out I passed the audition- do you remember? You were so happy for me, more happy than I was. The only thing on my mind was the fact that I had to leave everything behind to chase after this dream- to chase after a dream that came true because of you. I wasn’t sure anymore. But you were so sure of me, so ready to see me attain everything we talked about, that the thought of all of that being in vain because of my cowardice ate me up inside. I thought that maybe if I could keep you at a distance- make you mad at me for ignoring you, have you hate me- that it would make it a little easier to let you go of me,” Your lips quiver.

“It wasn’t easy-”

“I know, I know that.” He rests his forehead against yours and squeezes his eyes shut as he hears your soft sobs. “It was so that I wouldn’t have a memory of leaving you behind in an airport. I wasn’t ready to have that image in my mind haunt me. I’ve regretted it everyday. You have to believe me when I say that.”

“Then why didn’t you call back? Or even send a message?” Your eyes search his for answers as you pull your forehead away from his to get a clearer look.

“I thought you hated me. That you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Bullshit. You thought wrong.” Angrily, you push at his chest with closed fists and shut eyes, “You thought wrong,” You push him away until you’re no longer in his grip. “Let me go,” You whimper when he tries to reach for you again. “That doesn’t justify why you left me like that. I felt like I meant nothing to you for so long. You threw me away like I didn’t mean anything- made me feel like I was insignificant.”

“You meant everything to me!” He shouts out, shocking you into silence. “Don’t you see it?” When you only stare at him in confusion, he sucks in a breath.

“The mere thought of leaving you was enough for me to think twice. Sitting with you in French class and giggling because we didn’t understand a word, spending so many nights with you in your ridiculous dinosaur onesie, getting to walk around aimlessly until 4am in this godforsaken town as if time wasn’t fleeting- I-,” He runs a hand over his face, frustratedly wiping his tears away. “I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I didn’t want to miss graduation, the day we looked forward to since grade school. I didn’t want to facetime you on prom night while you look so goddamn beautiful, knowing that someone else would be getting to slow dance with you. Knowing that I wouldn’t be there, that I would be missing out- that I would be missing you every goddamn day made me realise I wouldn’t be able to last without you.”

“Selfishly ripping you apart from me felt like the only option. And it was so cruel, I know that. I’m the selfish asshole,” He takes exactly five steps to stand in front of you, and places a hand tenderly on your cheek.

“I was selfish because I knew I couldn’t have you. I was in love with you, y/n. So fucking in love and you didn’t even know. And after all this time, I still am.” He says that last sentence in a whisper, and before you know it, his lips are on yours.

His mouth is so warm against yours, so tender, and yet they set your skin on fire.

You pull away and take two steps back.

“Y-you don’t get to kiss m-me like that, not again,” You say breathless. You’re reminded of sophomore year, and the kiss in his living room that made you feel weightless and lightheaded.

“Y/n-”

“I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” Your heart hammers in your chest and the blood rushes to your face so fast that you swear you’re shivering. His eyes are illuminated by the streetlamps and you see them break right before you, defeated. Yours are no different.

You walk away, choking back sobs.

He doesn’t try to stop you.

It’s 4PM when you decide to get out of bed.

Your eyes are practically closed shut from your lack of sleep and you don’t bother to brush your hair, or undrape the blanket around your shoulders when you head downstairs. Your parents are sitting in the living room, oblivious and unassuming, but when they see you they almost go into cardiac arrest.

“What’s wrong?” Your mother asks tentatively, extremely unsure as to why her daughter looked so abnormally disheveled. “Did you know he was going to be back in town?” You croak out, and she sighs.

“So you saw him.” She states, and your dad pretends to read the newspaper.

“Why didn’t you tell me ma, you know what happened-”

“Exactly; everyone knows what happened, and everyone knows how ruined you’ve both been because of it. But nothing’s going to change if you keep sweeping it under the rug. Honey, I know you’re hurting,” She rests a hand on your cheek and you close your eyes at the feeling. “But this is your chance to get closure.”

“What if I don’t want it anymore?”

“Oh that’s a load of cow dung. Look at you; you’re a mess.” Gee, thanks mom.

She bites her lip and pauses for a second, “What if I told you that during your first year in college, the very first semester you were away, he came back? It was the autumn before things took off for him, and he showed up in town looking for you everywhere, not knowing you had left. I felt so bad, but you’re my daughter, and my first instinct was to protect you because I knew that for the first time in a long time, you were enjoying yourself. So I didn’t give him your new number, said your phone was broken, and he was absolutely heartbroken. I regret it slightly, but maybe this time you both can stop being constantly out of step.”

Your mouth hung agape and your head spun. He looked for me?

“Don’t leave things like this, you need each other.” She gives you a squeeze, and you sigh.

She was right. Years passed with so many things left unsaid, so much time gone. And as much as you hated to admit it, you were never going to get that time back. It would kill you knowing that you didn’t take the chance to fix things. You were already broken down to your bones, what’s left to chip away?

You uncoil yourself from your blanket and fling it onto the couch, groaning when you realise you’re going to have to face him again. The events that had elapsed last night were still hard to wrap your mind around, and you found yourself wondering if it ever did happen. You could already feel your heart pound at the thought of it. His words float in your mind ceaselessly; so much so that when you step out of your house, you almost miss the slumped figure on your sidewalk.

He gets up at the sound of your door closing.

His hair was messy, pointing every which way, and the same clothes from earlier were now wrinkled and crimped. His eyes devastated you. They looked worn down and exhausted, much like yours did.

“Walk with me?” He breathes out, and you nod.

Seeing him in daylight is different. As you two walk, you become increasingly aware of exactly how much he’s grown. He used to be only a few centimeters taller than you, but now you only reach his chin. Barely. But his skin is the same golden tan and his cheeks remained full. You’re close enough that you can smell his scent- a scent you didn’t know you missed until now. But in retrospect, you just missed him.

You both reach the small park in the middle of your neighborhood, and you find yourselves under the big oak tree that he had deemed our spot all those years ago. You look up into his eyes, and for a moment you remember what it’s like to feel home again.

“Do you remember the first time we found this place? You were always so terrible at hide and seek.”

You find yourself smiling at the memory. He hid from you, behind this very tree, for so long that it had felt like you spent hours searching for him. When you finally did find him, you were angry and upset with him with red cheeks to match.

“That’s only because you were always so good at hiding from me,” There’s ambiguity that you didn’t intend in that statement, which brings you both back to silence.

After a while, you gather the courage to speak again. “So about that kiss-” He winces and scratches the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry for catching you off-guard like that last night-”

“I’m talking about the one on your birthday, sophomore year.” His lips squeeze into a tight line and his round eyes stare at you dumbfoundedly.

“I-I always thought you never remembered that. You never brought it up, so I thought that it was just a mistake.” You fiddle with your fingers and gnaw at your bottom lip, feeling the heat creep to the back of your neck.

“Y/n, it was never a mistake. I wanted to kiss you- and I did- because I was sick of being confused about my feelings for you.” You look back up at him, “I didn’t bring it up because I was too scared of scaring you away with it all.”

“Well you should’ve, so that I wouldn’t be so confused either.” His expression changes, and you didn’t think it was possible, but it becomes even more defeated than it was a few moments ago. He rubs his face with his face with his hands, leaning against the tree.

He’s about to speak again, but your lips reach his before he gets the chance.

His soft cheeks rest in your hands as you taste him, soaking in the feeling of his warm lips against yours. This time, for the first time, the kiss lasts longer than a few seconds.

The sensation sends shivers up your arms and down your spine. When he kisses you back, he kisses you with so much fervour that you’re worried you’ll pass out at the feeling. But his arms grip you tightly around your waist to keep you there, with him, firmly in place. Your mind is fuzzy and your heart beats erratically in your chest when he squeezes your waist. Craving him like this is new to you, and yet you can’t help but yearn for more.

Where words failed you before, you make up for it in slow dances across his lips.

“It was worth it, right?” Your question comes as a surprise to him.

Earlier, when the sun had begun to set, the two of you decided that public parks were not exactly the most ideal place to have a heart-to-heart. So you walked back to his place, hands shoved in to the depths of your pockets, but your shoulders brushing against his with every step.

The two of you laid face to face on his bed, pillow-width apart.

“Leaving, yes. Hurting you, not at all.” He answers quietly, his hand drawing circles on the small of your back.

Under his bedroom lights, you take his breath away. His eyes trace over your features, over every dip and bump of the outlines of your face and he hopes that this vision of you never leaves him. He takes in every mole and freckle on your face like it’s the first time he’s seen them, when the reality is that he always used to map out constellations on your cheeks while you slept. He’s afraid that if he blinks, you’ll vanish again, so he tries to keep his gaze steady on yours, unwavering and certain. The way he looks at you sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy.

“I miss you,” You say, your voice meek and he feels his heart break all over again. “I miss you too.” You both speak in present-tense because even though he could touch you, see you, he knew it would take an indefinite amount of time for the pain of losing so many moments to heal.

He pulls you into him, savouring the feeling of your embrace. Holding you makes him feel at home, and god knows he’s been away for so long. You nestle into the crook of his neck, and his hands rest under your sweater and on supple skin, willing your pain to go away.

There are an infinite amount of things he wants to tell you, but he figures “I love you.” would suffice for now.

Life never slowed down. As much as it felt like it had when you spent your days with him again, the days piled up one by one. And soon enough, time caught up.

Soon enough, you would need to book your train ticket back to the city, because your three-week long semester break would draw to a close. He would have to book a plane ticket back to glitz and glamour, and the pair of you would wind up in the same dilemma that you were in five years ago.

Only this time, he never leaves your side during your fleeting time together. This time, he tries to make up for all the lost moments within the span of three weeks. He doesn’t let go of any chance to be with you- to hold you, to touch you, to kiss you. He imprints the feeling of his skin on yours so that you never forget. So that he never forgets. Your eyes are cosmic in the moments that you share intimately, and he soaks up every inch of you so that he never forgets what it feels like to share the same breath.

He listens to all your stories and all your bizarre adventures with a fond smile, because you tell them with such wonder that it makes him feel like he was there. Your voice is the only one he wants in his head.

When he drops you off at the station, he doesn’t say goodbye. But not like last time; he doesn’t say goodbye because instead he says I’ll see you soon and Get there safely. When he watches the train pull away from the platform, he prays he sees it soon again because it carries his heart with him.

He likes to imagine that you send him voice notes of your day and how frustrated you are with you OChem professor. That you send him pictures of yourself, and all the cute little cats you come across during your walks to class. That you send him long letters in the mail like the hopeless romantic that you are. In return, he would introduce you to his members- he knows you’d get along with Hyunjin the best, because you both would like to bitch about him while he’s still in the room. He likes the idea of facetiming you whenever you have the time, and getting to say he misses you, even if it’s only through a screen. He likes to imagine that in every lyric he writes, an essence of you treads in his words, because you’re his only muse. And he envisions the day when he’s finally back in the town where time slows, up in your room where the rest of the world crumbles away and your slates are clean once again.

But for now he watches as the train becomes nothing but a speck in the distance, waiting for it all to play out.

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck / i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''love bites (so do i)'' by halestorm

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onlinw-vent · 3 years

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Please help me. I want to kill myself. My mother said that she would try and find a psychologist for me to talk to, but that was last year in October and nothing has been done about it since, unless of course I went through another depressive episode where she always says “I’m trying to get you somewhere good, but there’s nothing available”. I don’t really care who or where it is but I just can’t talk to her about my problems because I see how quickly she judges other people and I’m really scared of judgement. She gets offended when I say I’d rather talk to a psychologist rather than her. She says things like “I just wished I could have a good relationship with my daughter” but it’s nothing against her really, I feel like it’s easier for me to talk to people I don’t know, not people that I share a house with, because in my eyes it makes me feel embarrassed.

At school, I talked to the pastor because one day I started crying and I couldn’t stop. That day I shared the most information I have ever shared with anyone. I told them that I had thought of killing myself many times before but that I’d never actually do it because I didn’t want mum to find out. The next day, a teacher pulled me out of class to talk about it, they said they’d get me again the following week to talk to me about my problems. But they never did. My main issue is that I feel like I’m always the irrelevant one, the person who people always talk over. The one that’s left out of the friend group. The one who has to be partners with the teacher in HPE. The person when the teacher would tell someone to swap places with, they’d reply with “who?” So when that teacher never got back to me, and I never talked to the pastor, or the school counsellor, I felt like I was just forgotten about as usual. But maybe it’s my fault I didn’t go back and confront them about it, but I couldn’t because it’s hard for me to talk and I have social anxiety that I feel is getting worse and worse as years pass.

There is one person though, I’m not saying there name but, I’ll call him Boy while I’m writing this. The moment I saw him at the start of that school year, I knew I was in love with him. Boy was very attractive to me, he had very messy hair, kinda mean-ish eyebrows, and a smile that captivated me. Even though everything about him made me stare in awe. Boy and I shared a sense of humour, and even though we had never talked at the time, I knew he was exactly like me. In classes that he wasn’t with his close friends he would be very quiet and participate in class discussions a lot. He had very good grades too from what I heard of. But when Boy was with classes with his friends he was a completely different person, he was rowdy, wild, loud and always disturbing the class. I remember it taking me by surprise at first, it’s making me happy writing about him. It wasn’t before long that I started to like him more, and more, and more. Not just for no reason though, countless times boy would stick up for me like that one time when my friends skipped class but got caught and it spread across the school. All our classmates would talk to my friends about it while I stand there awkwardly, until Boy asked if I skipped with them as well. I didn’t, but one friend replied for me before I could speak. Or a time where a classmate was told to swap seats with me and they said that they didn’t know who I was, like I mentioned earlier but Boy would say to them “Stop being so rude, her name is _____” or on that same day which was I think the first time we talked, our class got cool new furniture and there where small tables for people sitting on cushions, small stools, or bean bags, and a girl came up to me and asked if she could take my small desk for a friend of hers. Me being the people pleasing person I am said “Okay” but then Boy said “No, _____ needs it.”, I was kind of in shock at the time no one has ever done something like that for me, I kind of regret being so speechless though, because even till this day, I haven’t thanked him for doing that, because at the time I was asked, I really didn’t want to give her my desk, but I didn’t have the guts to say no. Soon after that, Boy moved his desk next to me, who was sitting on a beanbag on the floor. He left me once again, speechless because I wasn’t the guy I had stalked for months to move next of me all of a sudden. Then he started talking to my friends and I. I told him how I hated when girls would put on there Instagram stories “Until my birthday” and a count down for like, 5 months, AND HE AGREED WITH ME. I had never felt more successful in my life. He also told me how he saw me in a friend’s TikTok and he was surprised at how different I was. It made me laugh. He makes me happy. Our school has this thing where every Friday a different song plays, and that afternoon it played ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ on the loud speaker. I immediately made that our song, and then I got in the car and I cried, and whenever I hear that song I cry.

About the stalking, it started about half way through that year. The first year we met. I would listen deeply to his conversations, learn more and more about him. I know his middle name, his birthday, the year he got his appendix removed, the school he went to before high school, the names of his 2 siblings, and what he wants to be when he’s older. Then I’d get home go on the internet and google his name, I found out he had an old YouTube channel. I watched all his videos, I stalked his Instagram, I’d read all the comments to see how he’d reply to people, I’d see everyone he followed, I’d create a fake Facebook account and I found his Father’s profile which I fortunately found some photos of him when he was younger, I found the profile of the team he played football for and found photos of him there, and also the school’s account where I again, found pictures of Boy. Of course there was his school photos too. I built up a collection of all the photos of him, and every bit of information I found about him, I’d write in a diary that I’ve had since year 5, I’d write every interaction I’ve had with him word for word. As time went by and as I got more obsessed and mentally unstable, I started self harming by cutting my wrist with a pair of serrated, iridescent, Osaqi scissors, while I was thinking about him, crying about how much I wanted us to be together, be boyfriend and girlfriend and maybe even have sex. He treated me like an equal, included me, and stood up for me. I had never known anyone like that in my life and I’ve never had anyone as important to me as he was.

Now it’s the year after that and I still love boy. However, I don’t have any classes with him, or even many classes with friends. I’m the most alone I’ve ever felt in my life. I still see him walking around school sometimes, he’s changed his hair, he’s gotten a lot taller than me, and his voice sounds deeper. My heart pounds out of my chest whenever we make eye contact, or whenever we just happen to pass each other. Deep down I always felt like he knew about me liking him so much but I can’t be so sure. I had school camp recently, everyone was getting prepared for dinner then a storm hit, and it started hailing, so everyone had to come inside. And I saw him across the room. Boy kept looking at me, and I kept looking at him. I was sitting with a friend at the time and I really felt like a cry because I missed him so much and my heart has been longing to be with him for so long. I went home early from that camp because I couldn’t stop crying. It’s not like there was any use staying there anyway because I was once separated from my friends, being in a different group from them, and being on a different bus. I cried on the bus, because I couldn’t stop thinking of all my friends having fun together without me like they always do. But I’m kind of glad they don’t treat me like Boy treats me, because then maybe I wouldn’t like him as much, but then again he is pretty irresistible and about 4 of my friends have had a crush on him once, which of course would make me furious but I would pretend to be excited for them. I can’t live without Boy. I want him to be mine, I want him to talk to me, I want him to run away with me, I want him to cry with me, I want him to laugh with me, I want him to hug me, I want him to kiss me, and I want him to have sex with me. I don’t even care what happens but if I get the chance to be friends with him or at least just talk to him, I want to tell him everything, or even just say thank you.

I always wonder why he would treat me so nicely? But maybe he’s like that to everyone, although I didn’t see him sticking up for anyone else, I could just mean nothing to him. He could’ve even forgotten that I existed now. Or maybe I never existed to him in the first place.

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loonyginger · 4 years

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» broken strings.

requested.

genre: angst to fluff–

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 2.7k

Your parents have warned you. And so did your friends. Yet, you’ve refused to listen to them and instead chose to do what you wanted for once in your life. You were sick and tired of everyone trying to tell you what you should do and what not … after all, you were old enough to make your own decisions.

But now as you scrolled through your social media feed, you couldn’t help but reconsider the decision you have made nearly a year ago. Dating an idol. Or to be more specific – dating Choi San, member of ATEEZ, one of the most successful rookie groups these days.

Back in the day where he first asked you out, you couldn’t believe he was being serious about that. Never would you have thought to catch anyone’s attention and especially not the one of an Idol. You never thought of yourself as attractive, you felt uneasy in your body and overall insecure so why would this man who’s got those angelic and also demonic looks be interested in you? Together with his band, he travelled the world and met each day so many fans of which most were female, so why exactly did he choose you out of all of them?

San has successfully managed to push those thoughts of yours aside. Ever since you began dating, he has proven every day how much he loved you. For him, you were the most astounding woman he has met. Independent, strong-minded, intelligent and overall just perfect. However, as your eyes moved across your display you couldn’t help but tear up by reading the comments of some fans regarding you.

Only yesterday, San has taken you out to a fancy restaurant to make it up to you since he barely got to see you due to their latest comeback. It was the first time in over a month that you’ve been able to see him in person and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss his presence. Of course, he made sure to text you every day but his responses were also delayed due to his busy schedules. The happier you were when the day finally came where he’d return home to you.

Usually, the two of you didn’t show up on many public sections. Due to his increasing fame, people would recognise him more often than a year ago and with that questions would come up why he was accompanied by an unknown female person. Neither one of you was ready to go public with the relationship yet and with that you meant yourself. San couldn’t care less if the whole world knew you belonged to him, in fact, he’d love to let everyone know that he was blessed to have such an amazing girlfriend like you.

Nevertheless, you didn’t want to make a fuss about it. All you wanted was him to focus on his career, on his improvement of becoming even better than he already was. Since San didn’t want to push you to go public, he accepted your decision and waited for you to be comfortable with taking the first step into this sort of direction.

As your boyfriend eventually took you to the restaurant you told him your concerns about it, that people might recognise him which wasn’t very unlikely and rumours would begin to spread once they'd see who he was with. Nevertheless, he insisted on taking you to that specific place, assuring you that nothing would happen during the few hours you’d spend there. Eventually, you let him convince you since you were absolutely in no mood to argue. After all, you only wanted to spend time with San before he’d be gone for another month or even longer.

Just as you feared, people recognised your man once you left the restaurant after a proper dinner. A bunch of fans immediately grabbed for their phones to take pictures and start filming both of you in excitement. Protectively, San shoved his body in front of you to prevent the fans to take any pictures since he was fully aware of how uncomfortable it made you being in the centre of attention, especially because you didn’t want anyone to start questioning who he was with.

However, San hadn’t been really successful with shielding you from the fans’ phones so only seconds later, they’ve uploaded them on every single social media platform you could think of. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and so on. Not even an hour later you could see your timeline being flooded with pictures of San and you heading out of the restaurant, hand in hand – even though you ripped your hand off his once you recognised the fans gathering around you. But it had been too late … they’ve already taken several pictures which were proof enough for everyone to recognise you as Choi San’s girlfriend.

Once you finally managed to get rid of his fans, you fell into silence for the rest of the night. Despite San’s attempts of cheering you up, trying to assure you that everything was fine since KQ Entertainment didn’t have a dating ban like other companies did and Atiny were going to love you, you didn’t talk back to him. In fact, his constant talking was too much for you to handle in the current situation.

Unintentionally, you eventually snapped at him, accusing him of being the reason why your relationship has gone public despite your wish to keep it as long private as possible. You have never talked to him like that. San had never given you a reason to snap, in fact, he had been the one to soothe you whenever you were in distress so it seemingly surprised and hurt him to hear you talking like that.

“Thanks to you everyone knows about us! Why did you have to convince me to go to this damn restaurant anyway? Why couldn’t you have stayed away for a little longer? If it wasn't for you, all of this wouldn’t have happened!”

Remembering the words, you shouted at your boyfriend shortly after you arrived at your apartment and how his face fell into a devastating expression afterwards ached your heart. You didn’t mean those words, yet you’ve thrown them at San careless like you were. After that, the black-haired didn’t even bother to respond to you. Instead, he had turned around and left before you could even hold him back.

Now, the morning after, you were curled up in your bed with your phone in your palm, scrolling through your timeline only to read the comments which people made about the recent news that included you and San’s relationship. To your surprise, however, there were many positive comments, fans being happy for the two of you. Surely, there were also those people who couldn’t help but complain that he was no longer single and that he even deserved someone better looking than you. Nevertheless, those were quickly shushed by others who were showing support to your guys' relationship.

Honestly, those mean comments didn’t affect you as much as you thought they would. Probably that was also because you were having other troubles than that now. You haven’t heard from San all night and now it was nearly noon and yet, he hasn’t texted you or has made any other attempt to contact you. And you couldn’t blame him. After all, you had been the one who snapped at him in a way you shouldn’t have.

Blinking away your tears, you decided it was best to try to reach out for him. With a quick swipe, you closed your Twitter and searched for San’s number to start typing words on the display of your phone.

I have something to tell you. Can you come over?

Not thinking further about it, you pressed the send button, staring at the display for some seconds longer as if you waited for something to happen. As you were about to flop the device down on your mattress your eyes spotted the small text beneath your message, telling you that your boyfriend has read the one you sent him. However, he didn’t bother to write something back.

A deep sigh parted your lips as you threw your phone onto your bed, your back meeting the softness of your mattress as you allowed your body to fall backwards. Why were you so stupid? You couldn’t blame him for not talking to you … what you’ve said the previous night was unacceptable. San has tried his best to comfort you, he has always taken care of you, no matter what state you were in and you couldn’t even contain your anger for once.

Tears of desperation formed in your eye sockets as you realised that you probably have ruined your relationship only because you couldn't control your emotions just once in your damn life. Being pained by the thought that San might not forgive you for your behaviour, you shifted to the side in order to press your moistened cheeks in your soft cushion, refusing to let out a desperate yelp which sneaked up in the top of your lungs.

You had no idea how many minutes or even hours passed but sooner or later your breath has calmed down but the pain hasn’t subsided and you were sure that this wouldn’t anytime soon. No sobs were audible, however, tears continued to stream down your reddened cheeks. You cried silently into your pillow whilst silence has taken over your bedroom. Suddenly, you heard the sound of the door to your apartment opening up which caused you to shift a little. The only person who had access except you was San.

Blinking the remaining tears away, you crawled across the mattress to set a foot down on the cold ground, shuffling over to the door which would lead you to the living room where you eventually laid your teary eyes upon his features. For several seconds, both of you just stood there, glaring at each other without saying a word to interrupt the silence. Neither one of you knew where to start, how to start this conversation. As your eyes roamed over his angel-like features, you could spot the pain which laid behind it. His warm eyes have lost their mischievous gleam you were used to look at and it pained you, even more, to be aware of the fact that it was you who has taken it from him.

“San–”, you began, your voice hoarse due to the lots of crying of the past few hours. It cracked before you were able to continue talking but honestly, you weren’t even sure of what to say to the male in front of you. You could sense once again that tears left wet trails on each of your cheeks as they slid down, dropping on the black hoodie which actually belonged to your boyfriend.

No more words needed to be said. Without further ado, the taller male approached you, his face revealing the pain he held within him as he witnessed you crying right in front of him. Seconds later, you found yourself in the arms of the male you’ve hurt the night before. San held you close to his chest, refusing to remove his arms of your body anytime soon.

“I’m so sorry, San”, you choked out, burying your face against his chest as you grabbed on his shirt if your dear life depended on it. He brought his palm up to the back of your head, caressing your hair in a soothing way whilst the other one steadied you on your spine.

“Shhh it’s fine”, he whispered close to your ear and as those words left his lips you could feel how the pressure fell off your shoulders at once. “I should be the one apologising to you, jagi. I’ve been too careless”, San continued as he slowly began to sway you in his arms in order to calm your nerves. To be honest, that your boyfriend told you it was his fault wasn’t making the situation any better.

“N-no”, you interrupted the raven-haired male, shaking your head fiercely until you eventually gazed up into the eyes of the person you’ve fallen for not so long ago. “You don’t have to apologise. It was me who screamed at you for nothing. You merely wanted to do something with me what normal couples do. Despite what has happened, it didn’t give me the right to talk to you like I did yesterday. If there’s one to blame it’s me”, you stated with your weak voice, swallowing down the thick knot inside of your throat which had been present ever since the second you were aware of San being in your apartment.

His hands moved from the back of your head towards your face, his gentle fingers tracing along your wet cheek, its skin feeling as soft as ever beneath his fingertips. The corners of his lips twitched into a slight smile, revealing his dimples which were one of your favourite parts of his smile. “I don’t blame you for anything, y/n. I never could.” San’s soothing voice reached your ears and immediately send a soft shiver down your spine, your head moving into a short nod to sign him how thankful you were for his forgiveness.

“I'm sorry that I’ve dragged you into such an uncomfortable situation, y/n. I should have known better”, San started again, mumbling against your forehead lovingly which he had kissed seconds before. Upon that comment, you only shook your head and rose your chin to have a proper gaze on the male in front of you. “I came with you voluntarily. You’re right … we cannot hide our relationship forever. Perhaps it’s good that it happened like that.”

San’s forehead wrinkled once he fully grasped what you just said to him. Did he misread you? “So, you’re okay with our relationship being public now?”, he’d question carefully, one brow rose in suspicion without tearing his gaze off your face.

“I mean, there’s nothing I can do about it anyway, right? And besides, it means that we no longer need to hide from the rest of the world which is quite relieving, I have to admit”, you rolled your shoulders into a simple shrug, leaving your boyfriend all speechless by what you just said. However, he had to release an amused chuckle upon your confession as he leaned in for a sweet and loving kiss, allowing his lips to brush softly against yours.

“I cannot wait to officially introduce you to Atiny. They will love you”, he whispered against your lips, his teeth sinking into your lower lip in a teasing manner to which you just chuckled warmly. “I’m not so sure about that yet. According to my Twitter, some cannot accept the fact that you’re a taken man”, you responded, allowing your noses to touch with gentle strokes whilst both of you kept your eyes shut to enjoy the intensity of the current moment.

San only hummed to that, pulling you even closer to his frame – this time a little more adamant. “Stop worrying about that. Most of them love you already but not as much as I do.” Another chuckle escaped your lips as you opened your eyes just to roll them in a playful manner before your gaze got locked with San’s once again, their mischievous sparkle has finally returned.

“I love you, Choi San. More than you can imagine.”

With that being said, the taller male pressed his lips back onto yours. At first, he was all gentle and loving as always. But with each second that passed, you could sense the growing dominance of your boyfriend which he laid into the kisses. Gentle but yet determined, he began to push you back towards your bedroom and you were instantly aware that neither one of you would leave this room for the next few hours.

#ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #san x reader #ateez angst #choi san #ateez fluff #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho

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otterenergy1962 · 4 years

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Letting go of old beliefs - part 3

In part 1 and 2, I wrote about life situations that caused me to have limiting beliefs about myself. For this entry, I am focusing on one that has run through the core of my being and has been persistently there for my entire life. As I examine it, I am starting to locate the actual point(s) in time that caused this limiting belief.

I am plain and unattractive.

It is a simple fact that I don’t always see why others people think that I am attractive. Some people even go as far as to say that I already know that or that I take advantage of it. I’ve been accused of being an attention seeker for posting a picture of my weightlifting progress… Many people just make assumptions and seem to be quite willing to express the same to me because they feel safe behind their keyboard. Would any of them have the courage to say so in front of my face?

One of my old desires was to look like a Tom of Finland drawing. For my straight friends, Tom of Finland was an artist who drew gay men in a hyper-masculine manner. The men were often extremely muscular and well-endowed. I always thought that I was a man who was too far from even being close to resembling a hyper-masculine caricature. I felt very different inside. I was still that overweight kid that had low self esteem and low self worth.

Sometimes guys project their ideas and feelings onto me. I’ve gotten friendship requests on FaceBook from men who seem to be a really nice guys. Once friended and without my request, a dick pic (or other parts of the body) shows up and I feel disappointed because they must only see me for what they believe I am. If I post a picture of myself without my shirt on does that mean that I am a whore and want others to automatically think think that I am seeking such? That I am willing to toss them a nude shot of me without any self-respect?

My ex husband would often say that I was the straightest gay man that he had ever known. He said this because I would often wear jeans and a t-shirt, didn’t seem to have any fashion sense or didn’t partake in the stereotypical gay man’s activities. I didn’t want to sleep around with everyone, didn’t obsess with HGTV, didn’t go to raves stoned on various drugs or believing that the grass might be greener on the other side of some stupid fence so that I could dump one man for a better one…. He even said that I didn’t have the gay designer gene!

After all, I didn’t fit the Tom of Finland stereotype. I liked reading, writing, science fiction, gardening, cooking and more. I liked walking on the beach and camping. I didn’t ride a motorbike or wear leather and role play hyper-masculine fantasies. So, why didn’t I start acting like I was a Tom of Finland man so that I could PRETEND that I was something that I was not? My ex husband, Henry, did that all the time. I used to giggle about his desire to be a butch leather fantasy man who loved doilies, frilly antique pieces and miniature doll houses! I didn’t deem it necessary to pretend that I was something that I wasn’t.

In my journey of self discovery, I have learned that it is okay to be silly, dance to Madonna in my underwear while making dinner or singing Donna Summer tunes while cleaning the house. By the way, I clean my house in jeans and a t-shirt! How “un-gay” can that be? I love otters, not in the gay sense, but the animal. A gay otter is a man that loves bears. Bears are big and hairy guys. So, I’m not a gay otter, but am nicknamed Otter because I want to be playful like my spirit animal. A friend recently told me that one of things he loves about talking to me is how I say goodbye on a FaceTime call. I wave bye-bye like I do with my students! He says that I have this cute child-like grin on my face and wave quick little wave. He says it is really cute! Okay, definitely not Tom of Finland! What makes it okay is that I don’t have to conform. I can be anything I want.

As I write this, I think back to when I was a child. I loved to play ball tossing games and skipping rope. Tom of Finland guys don’t skip Double Dutch… or do they? This brings up a question that my friend, Gary, recently asked me. “What would you say to that little kid that loved Double Dutch and tossing a ball against a wall whilst singing songs? Why does he like doing those things?” He would say because it was fun. There wasn’t a rule that said I couldn’t do those things. I didn’t like playing sports that much and seemed to enjoy the girls’ company more than the boys’.

It wasn’t until I was a few years later that I found out that being different would surface in a negative way. Suddenly, the word “Fag” starting being heard. The Double Dutch guy was a fag who felt dumpy and nondescript. I think that I was trying to make myself that way to avoid being noticed. If you made yourself as nondescript as possible, the bullies wouldn’t notice you as much. Duck your head and look the other way! I can even remember telling my mother that I didn’t feel good about myself. She just said that I would grow out of it…

I didn’t. I took that idea into my adult life. I continued to believe that I was nondescript and unattractive. When I came out, men liked me because of my age, or so I thought. I figured that being young made you attractive. It never occurred to me that I was attractive in some other way.

I’ve already written about the AIDS crisis and how it affected me. When you are HIV+, you see the world through a different lens. In the early years of AIDS, people like me were considered pariahs. You were considered so because people were afraid. I remember the stories of the early years where men who had this unknown disease were isolated in rooms at hospitals, their food trays left in the hallway for fear of getting this unknown disease. For more information, read this article: https://www.out.com/positive-voices/2016/12/01/woman-who-cared-hundreds-abandoned-gay-men-dying-aids#media-gallery-media-1 . Like the men in the story, I felt abandoned. My partner at the time was so afraid of the syndrome that he refused to touch me. In my mind, he abandoned me, so I abandoned him and tried to move on. Relationships became more and more difficult. Even hook ups were impossible because I didn’t want to infect someone else by accident. So all those years of dealing with HIV had a major affect on my view of being unattractive and undesirable. It fortified my original concept of myself. Gradually, as I met more HIV+ men, I began to have relationships that were more comfortable, but the effect of the situation has stayed with my all of my adult life.

I’ve also written about how exercise saved my life in those times. I’ve been exercising ever since in the form of weights, aerobics and group fitness classes. I also taught them from 1990-2013 and developed a real sense of physical fitness. In those times, I developed the belief that to be attractive, one had to be muscular and fit. I was able to hide my disability though exercise and bulking up. In all that time, I never considered the possibility of looking inside and seeing the person or soul who had the muscular, fit body. All I could see was an imperfect body, never fit enough, all the flaws with my face, my body, and my soul. I could rally a major list of flaws, but seldom looked at the positives.

It has been in the last few years after major relationships ended, and dealing with cancer that I have come to see what I need to see. I began to look inside for the answers. I am still on that road to understanding and loving myself. I can honestly say that I am an attractive man, not totally because of my outside appearance, but what is also inside. My friend, Gary, again come up with a nugget of wisdom one night as we discussed the difference between being attractive, being desirable, being appealing etc. We even discussed who we thought was stunningly beautiful! The nugget was, “Keep your eyes, ears and heart open to an opportunity to try something new!” I’ve opened all of my senses to take the opportunity to see what is beautiful in me!

So, I was curious about what people thought of me. I asked a group of friends, some of them have been sexual partners and some have been platonic friends. The answers stunned me. The points that came up the most were:

“… you are a man that speaks and acts from your heart and have nothing but the best intentions for those you care about most.”

“You’re incredibly kind and caring. You’ve been kind of like a "Daddy" type to me by nurturing me and giving me tough love when needed. You're an animal lover. You’re intelligent. Strong. All of that. Confident.”

“Your eyes are intense, showing your beautiful soul and genuine warm and caring smile. Then you’re so warm, kind, respectful, affectionate... fun and adventurous.”

“You come across as what we call in Arabic, ‘the combination of the opposites’ - you are silent and brooding but at the same time really kind and caring, and you can be goofy and fun when the time calls for it. You are a serious man who has no problem showing emotions and vulnerability. You are strong, yet fragile.”

“You’re kind and easily let people in. And it’s just very easy to be around you, a very welcoming presence.”

Where there examples that showed that they thought I was attractive? You bet! However, they have been tempered with the above points, telling me that it is more than just what is on the outside, and that the inside is just as important:

“Physically, for me you are definition of what I consider hot, attractive, not pretty girly but stern masculine look and a warm beautiful smile, you’re tall and muscular and very aggressive sexually chemistry that just is a drug to me.”

“Obviously you’re extremely handsome and built. You’re into a lot of fun and hot things, such as rubber and kink.”

“Superficially, you’re ruggedly handsome.”

“Ok, here’s my honest answer: physical aspects: silver, salt and pepper hair and beard are very attractive to me, combined those signs of a well seasoned man with the body of a well trained one and then you have a lethal combo that many can’t resist.”

“And top if off, you’re a very sexy and handsome man. ❤️”

So, can I honestly say that I am attractive? Am I a Tom of Finland kind of guy? The answer has been coming to me more lately. I’ve taken a few selfies and I’ve looked past the crooked smile and the grey hair. I’ve ignored the wrinkles and saw the warmth and beauty in my own eyes. There is a softness and a love that I’ve not noticed before. Is it selfish or conceited to find the self love and the things that make me attractive to myself? I’m going to have to say no. If anyone says that I am posting pictures of me with my new glasses to just to get attention or to make me feel better by hearing everyone’s opinions… I have have something to say: These guys need to push off and find somewhere else to dump their own insecurities! They need to acknowledge their projections and their own conceptions of self onto me. I’m not a narcissistic man who posts pictures and says, “Look at me! Hello! I am here! I am beautiful and don’t I know it?” Give me a fucking break! All I am is a man who looked into the mirror, deep into his own eyes and found the soul and heart of a man that people find attractive and beautiful for many reasons.

I’ve since had that conversation with the little boy inside who thought he was nondescript and unattractive. We’ve consoled each other and come to love each other for all of our traits. Thank you guys (Gary, Bryan, Seann, Ray, Masoud et al), for your comments. Thank you for helping me see that being attractive starts at home in the belief of the self. I love you guys!

Carpe diem!

#self love #hope #love

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shite-stories · 3 years

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This was the first short story I worked on that turned out to be not so fucking short. A classic and wholesome tale of Animal Crossing, friendships and good old fashioned Glaswegian sectariansim.

Island Explorers

Abigail took a deep breath and looked out through the window of her mum's big SUV. "Do I really need to start school today mom?" she sighed.

Gwen looked at her daughter from the driver seat of her car, she still couldn't get used to how she sat on the right side of the car and her daughter on the left, the left side was the "right" side to sit on, “You gotta start your new school sometime sweetheart, we've been in Scotland for two weeks now. I’m sure Lochend High School will be great sweetie, your dad starts in the office today and I gotta run some errands and pick up some groceries."

"I guess" Abigail sighed once more as she slid out of the big car. "I'll see you later Mom". She turned and faced her new school as her mum pulled into the morning traffic and disappeared down the street. Abigail and her family had moved to Scotland about two weeks ago so her dad could start work in a new office in Glasgow. Her dad was really smart with computers and this company had offered him a fortune to move out and oversee a project for them, they'd wanted him that badly they'd paid all the relocation expenses and helped them find a home to live in.

None of that really occupied Abigail's mind at the moment, as those things rarely do in a fifteen year old. Presently, what was forefront in her mind was how she was going to make some friends. She hated the awkward, tentative first few steps of trying to make friends and this was going to be especially hard as she could barely understand a word anyone said.

Resigning herself to her fate, she hefted her bag onto her shoulder and made her way to the school gates.

It was like nothing she'd ever seen before, everything was so alien to her. At her school in the USA none of the other kids had to wear a uniform whereas here, everyone wore shirts, trousers, skirts and blazers (even if some of them did look like their clothes had been shot at them from a cannon this morning). A lot of the kids seemed to playing football, not real football obviously, all these kids were playing "soccer". Abigail wondered if any of the kids played real football here at this school and if they'd have a cheer squad she could try-out for.

She stood aimlessly in the playground watching the groups of other pupils mill around her, all awaiting the first bell to signal the beginning of the day's lessons. A group of boys wandered by, whispering and conspiring with one other as they all stole glances in her direction. One of them eventually separated himself from the gaggle, he had hair spiked up with far too much gel and a face heavily decked out in spots, he called over to her.

"Here hen, big Mikey here wants tae know if you'll be his burd, the big cunt said he fancies ye and he 'hinks yer tidy"

Abigail blinked, "Huh?" was all that came out. They might have well been speaking Korean because she didn't understand a word that this kid had said.

"Aw fuck off Darren ya prick, leave her be."

The voice from behind Abigail appeared at her shoulder and belonged to a girl of roughly equal height to herself, her blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail which swung to the side as she tilted her head in a mocking fashion. "She's no interested in big smelly Mikey or you ya wee rat, she might be new but al be sure tae tell her aww aboot you gittin crabs aff yer cousin and big Mikey's mouldy feet"

Again, Abigail had absolutely no idea what had just been said but the context made it obvious. The other four boys in the group erupted into roaring laughter, whilst Mikey and Darren both turned shades of scarlet

"Fuck up Steph ya fuckin' fenian." Darren spat as he stormed off, the rest of his group still laughing and cajoling him.

Stephanie turned to Abigail and smiled "Sorry aboot that, that Darren's a fuckin' pervert. You're that new lassie fae America int ye? Ahm Stephanie"

It took Abigail a second or two but what Stephanie had said eventually clicked into place "Oh yeah, that's me, I'm Abigail" She smiled awkwardly but Stephanie returned the smile and gestured that Abigail should follow her. Stephanie led Abigail over to a group of girls and made introductions. Most of the girls had their faces glued to their phones or were splitting earphones listening to pounding dance music. A couple of the girls had Nintendo Switches and were playing games that Abigail couldn't see.

"What're you guys playing?"

Neither of the three girls looked up but in unison they answered "Island Explorers "

This, definitely perked up Abigail's day. She'd brought her Switch to school with her (anticipating a lunchtime sat by herself) and her favourite games were the Island Explorers series. The game was simple enough, you had your own little island that you could do whatever you wanted on, plant trees, go fishing, build your camp up to a house and a million other little things to improve the look of your own little slice of paradise. One of the biggest aspects of the game was visiting other people's islands. Some stuff wasn't available on your own island and you had to go out to get it from elsewhere. You could also only build certain things if you found the plans on other people's islands. Abigail had played the game with her friends in USA before she left for Scotland but still visited their islands when she could (the time difference made it difficult for her to be awake when her friends were free)

Abigail pulled her switch out and passed the next 15 minutes showing off her island to what soon became her new group of friends.

The next few days passed by in a blur, Abigail got to know her new friends and they all played together on Island Explorers. She'd even managed to get one of her friends from back home to join in one evening. The weekend soon dawned on Abigail

"You should join wan ae the Facebook groups fur the school Abbie, we've got wan fur everycunt that plays Island Explorers at the school." Stacey told her as they were leaving through the school gates on Friday afternoon "Everywan posts links tae their island so ye can visit and what stuff they've got if ye need any'hin."

Abigail promised she would when she got home. Once home she chatted with her parents about her first week at school, asked her dad how he was settling in at the new office (apparently things were going "Swell" and the guys at the office were "A hoot")

"They even gave me a nickname!" Her dad declared after telling his family how great and welcoming his new colleagues were "Brad The Bawbag"

That evening after dinner, Abigail took herself to her room and began trawling through the various facebook groups she could find. Stacey had invited her to the Island Explorer's page someone had set up for the school and Stephanie had invited her to the general school page for pupils at the school (which turned out to be more of a page for gossiping, posting unflattering pictures of other pupils and petty arguments about subjects that Abigail really didn't understand)

After she joined both groups, Facebook suggested a few more to her, based on some of the other pages and groups she had liked. She joined pages for "Lochend Yung Team", "Island Explorers Mad Squad", "Lochend Loyals" and one titled "Lochend Protestant Paradise". Her parents weren't super religious but her mum always liked the community aspect of going to church, so she thought she'd join the page as well and if the people looked nice she'd invite her mum to the page.

She spent the evening looking through some posts and visited a few other player's islands from what they'd put up in the various groups, most people were really helpful and she managed to get some new crafting plans, loads of materials she couldn't find on her own island and even some animals that weren't native to her own little island. She always made sure to trade or gift things to other players, spare crafting plans she had, some of the games currency or even just some materials the other person was low on.

Abigail loved seeing what people had done with their Islands, some took on a specific theme, (Steph's island looked Japanese, all cherry blossom trees, traditional arches and sweeping bridges). Other people didn't really put much effort into how their island looked, either that or Abigail just didn't understand what sort of look they were going for.

She found a post by Darren Smith (she realised this was the same Darren from her first day at school). He'd put a post up saying that he'd finally finished his island and it was having a grand opening to show it to everyone.

"Awrite troops, Casa Del Smith is finished an' open, mon doon an witness mah fuckin masterpiece fur yersel. Am dain mini games, got a firework display planned and am geein away shit loads ae stuff that a dinnae need noo

Nae fannyin aboot wae ma stuff

Nae stealin mah stuff

Nae Fenians haha

DAZZA1690RFC - H8A-3D0-10A-0LA"

Abigail couldn't really work out what Darren was saying, but about thirty people had commented on it already saying they were going, so she copied the island code into her Switch and made her way to Darren's island.

She watched her avatar be ferried to Darren's island as the area loaded up, the ferry ride gave a decent view of Darren's island and some of its features while a banner of text rolled across the sky as she digitally sailed to the port "Welcome to DAZZA1690RFC's Island, Ibrox!"

The banner had unfurled over the island as she drifted past several poles, proudly fluttering with different flags, one looked liked England's flag but it in the middle it had a red hand within a white star, the second was the flag for the UK which Abigail recognised straight away. The last flag she wasn't sure about, it was a blue flag, set against the background looked to be a white badge she thought she recognised from one of the local football teams. "Gee, this guy really loves soccer, huh?" she said to herself.

Her little boat finally docked and she began wandering around Darren's island. Stacey was there but she couldn't see Stephanie anywhere even though she knew she was online and playing. She typed out a hello to Stacey and a handful of other people but she mainly sauntered around by herself. She had docked at the East side of Ibrox and decided she'd move along to the West and explore there.

Abigail could see why Darren was so proud of his island. He had some really rare buildings and structures that Abigail hadn't seen yet along with loads of custom images loaded into canvases that were left around the gardens. she wandered past a collection of pine trees that were planted in the shape of some letters "F.T.P" - She didn't know what that stood for, "For the people?" she guessed aloud to herself.

She came to a cobbled path at the west side of the island that led north, she followed the path that was lined with lamps draped with bunting and blue coloured bells. The path led to a huge hedge maze,

Abigail zoomed her view out as far as it could go and she could see that the maze was also in the shape of that soccer club badge. She went inside and found a statue of an old guy made of white stone. A plaque sat in front of the man and Abigail walked her little avatar over to read it

"In big Walter's name:

WATP

Fuck the Pope

Big Jock Knew"

Abigail puzzled over the meaning of the plaque. "Who was "Big Walter"? What did this new acronym stand for? What did big Jock know? And what did Darren have against the Pope?". She had too many questions and thought she might find some answers with everyone else. She made her way back to the centre of the island resolved to clear some of these things up, she was also keen to see how the party was going with the other visitors and what everyone else was up to.

She arrived at the central section of the island to a crowd had gathered in front of Darren's two storey home. Darren stood on a platform in front of the crowd and was typing out a welcome to everyone. Hi speech bubbles hovered above his head with each new declaration. for some reason Darren was typing all in caps, Abigail wasn't sure if he was "shouting" or if he just hadn't turned off his caps lock.

"AWRITE TROOPS! WELCOME TAE IBROX. MAH ISLAND'S THE FUCKIN' BEST AND AW YOURS IS SHITE, THAT'S WHY YER AW HERE"

"THE FIREWORKS ARE GAWNE BE SET AFF IN A MINUTE AND EFTER THAT WE CAN AW GIT INTAE A GAME AE ..."

A speech bubble appeared from the crowd and covered the rest of Darren's, obscuring what he was saying.

"Fuck up Darren ya cunt"

Darren's little avatar hopped up and down and paced towards the crowd

"WHO EH FUCK WIS AHT!? WHOS TRYIN TAE GIT FUCKIN WIDE?"

Another speech bubble popped up from the fringes of the crowd, away from Darren as he waded into the crowd. "Yer island's as shite as yer maw's haircut"

Darren's avatar spun and pushed through the crowd to the outspoken player "WIT YOU SAYIN' YA CUNT? AL FUCKIN DO YOU!"

"Aye hawd on al get ma fishin net oot so a can stop you an yer cousin's crabs ya clatty bastard"

Various speech bubbles from other avatars in the crowd started to pop up. "Lolololol", "haha this is fuckin' brilliant", "fight fight fight fight!"

Abigail now noticed several of the avatars had changed their outfit. Her own outfit was some cute dungarees with a yellow shirt and flowery matching hat. She stood out against many of the crowd how now either wore blue and white T-Shirts or green T-shirts with white hoops.

Adorable little pixelated hell broke loose.

Darren and the second offender both brought out shovels and started attacking one another. handfuls of the crowd from either side joined in with shovels, fishing rods and bug catching nets. pockets of similar brawling had broken out amidst the crowd but a number of avatars had ran in different directions. Many headed towards the pier to leave the island and head home, some groups headed towards the west of the island towards the maze, a few headed into the house and she seen a couple making their way to Darren's gardens and vegetable patches.

"Torch the fuckin' place"

Abigail trotted past a group of white and green clad avatars all holding tiny candles aloft as they were chased by a blue wave, tools held aloft.

"Holy shit" Abigail whispered to herself as she watched the bedlam unfolding on the screen. She decided she would head to the pier as well and get herself off Darren's island before everything burned down.

On her way she seen a group of blue defenders loyal to Darren surrounding a pair of green and white avatars, pummelling them with shovels. The brutality was muted by the little stars that popped up along with the "BONK" text everytime someone was hit, injuries were nothing more than dazed spirals instead of eyes and little crosshatched "#" to show scuffs and scrapes.

As the ship sailed out from the island, she took in the spectacle as a whole. Brawls were dotted about everywhere she looked, a good portion of the island was now on fire including every tree on Darren's island, Darren's two storey house was now a three storey blaze and she could see players running back and forth from the nearby well with buckets full of water that were having absolutely no effect to the inferno. Darren's maze had been gutted and reshaped into what looked like a giant penis and testicles, the statue in the middle of "Big Walter" now had a large purple aubergine sticking from his face and "Hail Hail" sprayed across it in paint. Her last sight of the island was of Darren's flags that had been replaced by images of what looked like another football badge, an older ugly looking man with ginger hair and an even uglier looking man in a football strip with a shaved head holding his arms wide.

The following morning, Abigail sat at the kitchen table catching up on her first weekends homework.

“Hey mom.” Abigail asked her mum without looking up from her maths textbook.

“Yes sweetie?” Her mum replied, not looking up from the cutting board she was preparing dinner on.

“Do you or dad know what a fenian bastard is?”

Abigail’s mum stopped cutting the veggies and looked at Abigail.

“Gee, I dunno Abbie, maybe your father knows. Brad! Could you helps us with something hon’?”

“Yes dear?” Abigail’s dad called through from the living room.

“Any idea what a fenian bastard is Brad?"

Brad walked through to the kitchen, folding and tucking his newspaper under his arm while scratching his chin.

“Well gosh, that’s got me stumped, I’ve never heard of a fenian bastard before. I’ll ask the fellas in the office tomorrow and see if they know”

“Thanks Dad” Abigail smiled up at her father as he turned to return to the living room and resume reading his paper.

“Oh! Dad, could you ask them what a hun cunt is too?”

The following weeks were quite informative to Abigail, she learned about the religious divide in Glasgow and its two main football teams. She still didn't understand how the two were linked or why, but she was getting there. She'd also started to understand the local lingo a bit better, both spoken and typed over the internet.

She'd noticed that lots of people were talking about "the old firm game" and how it was expected to be a good one. Having no clue what this was, she asked Stephanie to fill in the blanks one day at school as they were walking to class.

"It's a game ae fitbaw between Ranger's and Celtic" (Stephanie had pronounced Celtic, "Sellick" for some reason) "It's like Glesga's Superbowl, except it happens a couple a times a year. And there's less adverts. And mare fightin'. And it's no shite."

"Ohhhh, I get it" Abigail said. "So it's like the Packers and the Bears, or the Cowboys and the Giants, right?"

Steph screwed up her face at Abigail

"Aye if ye say so hen." Steph's face then lit up like she'd just remembered something "Ye want tae come roon tae mine tae watch the game? Ma da will be away tae the pub tae watch it so we can watch it on the big telly, av got the rest ae the lassies comin' roon tae."

Abigail was mentally a couple of seconds behind as she ran the enigma of the Glaswegian dialect through her language decryption ciphers.

Eventually "Yeah, that sounds great Steph!"

Screenshots from Darren's party had been spread across various Facebook groups and it looked like Darren had commented on every single one of them, swearing revenge. He even got into a fight in school one day with one of the perpetrators of the digitised arson.

Darren wasn't the only one in trouble however.

Abigail was in the kitchen helping her mum prepare dinner, she heard her dad's car pull onto the driveway outside and laughed at her mum's joke about what her dad would think about having salad for dinner tonight. As Abigail heard the car door slam shut almost as loudly as the front door, she had the sense that a salad wasn't going to be what set her dad off.

"Abigail!" he called before even getting to the kitchen. "You and I need to have words young lady!"

Abigail and her mum shared a glance, her mum gave a shrug that said "I don't know".

Abigail's dad stormed into kitchen and pinned Abigail to the spot with his gaze "What's a "Fenian bastard"? What's a "Hun cunt"?" Each phrase was bitten off and punctuated with air quotes. "Where did you learn that sort of language young lady!?"

As Abigail's face grew to a deeper and deeper shade of scarlet, her mum walked to her husband and embraced him. "What's up honey?"

"Well!" Abigail's dad fumed. "I've had just a swell day at work! First, I found out that "Fenian" and "Hun" aren't phrases that should be thrown around a quarterly meeting with the company directors!"

Abigail's dad usually was a pretty chilled out guy, this was the angriest she'd ever seen him.

"Where did you learn that sort of language Abigail? I also didn't realise how much you were swearing either! I thought these were all single words "Huncunt" or something, you know I hate that sort of language under my roof."

Abigail blustered and stuttered incomplete excuses to her dad "Dad, well I, the other kids at school, and, well"

"That's enough missy" her dad cut her off with a slash of his hand through the air. "You're grounded." Abigail's "But, Dad" reply was cut short as her dad shouted over her, "I don't care about your dumb party tomorrow either, you'll just have to take your punishment and miss watching this soccer game with your friends."

"I'm sure you'll see them play each other during the playoffs, dear. Oh, what was the other thing Brad?" Abigail's mum was trying her best to smooth out the tension in the room and defuse things.

Abigail's dad didn't seem to get the message.

"Apparently "Bawbag Brad" isn't the nickname I thought it was, they're basically calling me nutsack Brad!" Her dad's voice took on an exacerbated tone, which Abigail couldn't help but stifle a laugh to despite the injustice done to her.

Her dad glared at her. "Go to your room Abbie, now!"

Abigail lamented over her now solitary weekend and she broke the news to Stephanie that she wouldn't be coming to the party, once Stephanie was finished laughing at Abigail's predicament, she told her that she'd be missed.

"Aw, aye, before a go, if ye dae want tae watch the game somebody'll huv a stream on the go in Island Explorers. Plenty folk hack a stream intae their island and get a squad roon tae watch it."

Stephanie signed herself off from the chat for the night. Despite having little to do the following day, stayed up late to devise a cunning plan.

The following day Abigail got up early, helped her mum around the house and cleaned both her mum and dad's cars. This put her dad in a significantly better mood (something Abigail had planned on all along) so he acquiesced to her request to play with her Nintendo.

She wasn't overly interested in football, she thought to herself "Soccer's dumb, all they do is kick the ball around and dive like they're Olympic gymnasts" Abigail had seen cheerleaders take harder knocks and stay upright, why couldn't these guys? Despite that she thought it was a decent enough way to waste her time today.

She trawled through a few of the Facebook groups and quickly found how to link a live video stream onto her island. Abigail had a big outdoor theatre set up on her island (she used to regularly have a movie night with all of her friends from the USA) and she set up the stream to play on that. She posted into a couple of groups a link to her island and set the preferences to "public - open" meaning people could come and go as they please, she'd seen quite a few people doing similar things but all the streams seemed to be "private - invite only".

She shrugged and copied the post to a few other pages and went to make some snacks before the game.

She returned to her game with a handful of snacks, all of which were soon forgotten when she seen just how busy her island was. Abigail's island "Never-never" was swarming with avatars, cute little characters controlled by players from all over Glasgow were congregating in various groups all around. She'd fenced off certain parts of her island, mainly her house and gardens, so no one could get there without Abigail first opening the gate. The rest of the island however, was swarming. She found it hard navigate her avatar around for all the speech bubbles obscuring her vision, as soon as she started to read what one said a different text bubble would pop up cutting on whatever she was being said.

Few of the avatars looked alike, but many had the same strips (or variations of) that she'd seen during Darren's failed party. A lead weight settled in Abigail's gut and she started to have doubts on the wisdom of throwing a party, she now realised why so many people throwing similar parties had set theirs to private. Deciding it was too late to change things now, she pressed on through the crowd to her big theatre screen and switched it on.

"Hey guys! Welcome to my party! I hope you all have an awesome time xD"

A flurry of speech bubbles exploded from the gathered crowd, from what Abigail could see people were cheering and having a good time.

She grinned to herself as she manoeuvred her avatar through the crowd again, she decided to quickly craft some fireworks and set them off when the match kicked off in five minutes.

As she busied herself in a little corner away from the group, she caught an glimpse of a speech bubble that looked worryingly familiar, the lead weight in her stomach felt significantly heavier now.

"FOLLOW FOLLOW WE WILL FOLLOW RANGERS! FUCKIN YAS YA CUNTS"

Darren's avatar trotted at the front of a group of around twenty other players, all dressed identically as he was in his teams blue colours.

They'd bullied their way to the middle of the clearing in front of the theatre screen and their chants were making reading anything else an impossibility. "HERE BOIS LETS GET THE SASH GAWN, A FUCKIN LOVE THAT SONG"

"A thought youd be oot deliverin the Avon fur yer da Dazza"

An avatar decked out in a green and white strip opposite from Darren detached himself from a group, most of which followed him and now stood across the clearing from the blue bubble of Darren's entourage.

"WIT YOU SAYIN JONNY A FUCKIN TAIG? YER MAW PUNS COUNCIL YA UNWASHED FUCKIN ZOMBIE" Darren's avatar stomped up and down as he delivered his reply. It was obvious the rest of the crowd had noticed this as no one else was saying anything.

"Am sayin' ahm just surprised ye've got time tae watch the game between deliverin Avon fur yer da and shaggin yer cousin" Various bubbles filled with "LOL" or "Haha" floated up around Jonny's retort.

"SHE WISNE MA FUCKIN COUSIN FUR FUCK SAKE, HOW MANY TIMES DAE A NEED TAE TELL YE YA TATTIE PEELIN CUNT!?"

"Aye? Tell is again who she wis Dazza"

Darren's reply didn't come as quick as his previous ones, Abigail guessed she wasn't the only one sat with baited breath infront of their console waiting for the reply.

"SHE WIS ONLY MA SECOND COUSIN"

A lull descended over the scene, if only for a second as Darren's declaration hung in the air, solitary.

The eruption of laughter wasn't confined to the game, Abigail burst into fits of giggle as flurries of "HAHA" and "LOL" burst from almost every avatar present.

"FUCK THIS MAN, INTAE THESE CUNTS TROOPS!"

Darren threw what was presumably the first item in his inventory, a rainbow trout, at Jonny which struck his avatar in the face and sent it to the ground. Darren's avatar sprinted forward with his group hot on his heels, Jonny's gang leapt to meet them and a melee broke out. Shovels, mops, brooms and fishing hooks rose and fell to the steady beat of "Boop!", the games default sound when a player was struck.

Other players had already started trashing and looting her island amidst the chaos.

"What the fuck is it with these Scot's and starting fires in this game!?" Abigail mumbled to herself, as she praised her forethought to fence off her home.

As Abigail tried deal with the situation, fire fighting both literally and metaphorically, she soon saw that the situation was well beyond her control. It wasn't long before she retreated to the safety of her garden, her own little oasis in the middle of this inferno. She sat her avatar on her porch swing and watched as the anarchy devolved to chaos and then from chaos to a small riot. Gangs still marauded around hunting for victims and fires still burned, but the pandemonium was slowly petering out.

The embers were finally dying out when...

"YE HINK YE'VE FUCKIN' WON THIS JONNY YA DICK? YER RANG, AV TEXT A FEW MATES AE MINE"

"That right Dazza? Av phoned a few ae ma boys tae"

Abigail sighed as two groups emerged, both clad in colours of the opposite team and significantly bigger than the previous groups.

A bubble popped up from one avatar amidst the ocean of blue and white "Intae these dirty cunts Inter City Boys!"

A reply popped up as a wave of green and white crashed against them "CSC number fuckin one!"

Abigail rolled her eyes and threw her Nintendo onto her bed, closing the game as she did so.

"Maybe it's time I found a new way to spend my time" Abigail thought as she scrolled through her news feed. She decided to take a break from Island Explorers and definitely wanted to keep her distance from this whole "Old Firm" and "Secterianism" thing, she really didn't understand it at all.

"Ohh, the school has a netball team, neat!"

Abigail clicked join on the group for Lochend's girls Netball team, The Green Brigade.

#short story #reading #readblr #writing #writers on tumblr #scottish writers #writeblr #phonetics #glasgow #glaswegian #animal crossing #rangers fc #celtic fc #story #storyblr

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