#obviously the bad kids love her but what a terrible reminder of all her insecurities

[cryptic-corvids-blog]

something something adaine has always struggled with feeling like there is something wrong with her, that she is not enough, that she is wrong somehow. she starts making friends and tries to unlearn the idea that she is hard to love and not worth the effort. then there’s a boy who might have a crush on her, who seems sorry for what his party is doing, and she doesn’t know how she feels about it. but no, he was just using her, because why would anyone care about adaine abernant? something something

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #adaine abernant #d20 fantasy high #d20 fhjy #dimension 20 fhjy #d20 fhjy spoilers #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #oisin hakinvar #i personally think adaine is aroace #but my god #i feel so bad for my girl #obviously the bad kids love her but what a terrible reminder of all her insecurities #someone give her a hug PLEASE #i am so emotional over this

[jaesvelvet]

jealousy jealousy — kim junkyu

words: 1.7k words

warning: grammartical errors,idk what i write does it make sense? reader being insecure!

pairing: junkyu+fem reader

notes: i want to publish my jihoon's ff but i haven't finish it yet since my school is starting soon😭 anyway this ff inspired by olvia rodrigo's song, jealousy jealousy (remember you're beautiful just like the way you are!!!🤍)

you couldn't help but grinned as you step into the famous YG building. it feels like a dream come true. you used to be a trainee in a small company for 5 months before decided to left, you realized that you didn't have the talent to be an idol, you're just average on everything, that's all. you gasped when you saw a huge screen in front of the escalator playing blackpink's mv on the screen. YG is that rich exactly like the news said.

"y/n!"

you turn, grinning widely at junkyu, who from the convenience store with some snacks on both of his hands. you waved at him and junkyu laugh in response

"i'm sorry for being late," he said, handing some bread to you

"no it's okay i just got here," you said

you and junkyu are best friends since high school, you're the one who supported junkyu's journey to debut, and junkyu was grateful to have a friend like you, junkyu always convince you to audition at YG but you refused since you now want to focus on your studies. but after junkyu accidentally saw a book full of lyrics song at your desk, he forced you to record one of the songs in his studio and release it on soundcloud so junkyu could promote the song to his fans.

of course, you reject the offer saying you can't sing and you don't want any attention in the university. a medical science student releases a song on a soundcloud, out of the blue, and treasure junkyu promoted her music?? no way!

however junkyu being junkyu, he didn't give up and keep encouraging you to record one of your songs, you didn't need to prepare anything just bring the lyrics and yourself, and the rest, he will work on it. after weeks tried to convince the you, you finally agreed with one term; which is junkyu need to buy you food. a lot of food.

"okay so here it's my studio, um it isn't something to brag about since half of the members have their studio," he said, opening the door of his studio showing his messy studio with a big portrait of treasure on the wall.

"you should clean your studio if you want to impress a girl kyu" you joked, getting a whine from junkyu mumbling that he would never see the world again if he brings a 'girlfriend' over.

junkyu pressed something on his keyboard and bass sound came out, making you flinch, the instrument that junkyu creates is mellow and kinda strident? as soon as you heard the instrument you know which lyrics from your lyrics book would go along and make a perfect song

"i have a perfect song for this" you excited, taking out your black notebook and turn to a back page—clearly the lyrics are fresh from the oven.

"okay i'm gonna play it and you sing the lyrics okay?"

you nodded and sing a little bit of the lyrics

"i kinda wanna throw

my phone across the room

'cause all i see are girls

too good to be true"

"woah! it's perfect" junkyu gasped, amazed at how the instrument he made suits perfectly with your lyrics. you smile, you didn't suprised much since you know how much passion junkyu has in music.

"okay now you eat first, i'm gonna rearrange the lyrics to suit with the melody," he said and get a nod from you. you eat the bread that junkyu bought for you, you also eyeing the studio, it's kinda cold in here cause the space not too big and they put a big ass aircond on top of you.

junkyu notice your quiver, he rolled his eye when you only wearing a thin black shirt material, he scoffs before handing you his pink hoodie that he left in the studio yesterday.

"i won't turn off the aircond so you must wear this hoodie, it's been a week since i wash it," he said in a teasing voice, you frown yet you have no choice to wear the pink treasure hoodie or else, you're gonna die in this cold studio.

you sigh in relief when the hoodie warms your cold body, you side-eyeing junkyu who looks so serious rearrange the lyrics, you then click on the instagram icon, you felt blue as you saw haeri post on your feed— haeri is a popular rich girl in your university, you and her once assigned in a group for an assignment and she is very kind and open about her opinions, she also very serious when it comes to study/work and she is pretty, to your eyes she is like a goddess. she is so pretty, kind, and selfless, and you really lying if you didn't jealous of her. she has a perfect life and you still struggling to get a diploma.

you slowly pressed the screen twice, liking a picture of haeri; wearing a beanie and a mask in a cafe without posing too much, getting 2 thousand likes within 1 hour. you wonder how is it to be like a rich popular pretty girl in university? well, damn sure you will get all of the pretty privileges in your life. you sighed as you realized you're comparing yourself again with haeri. you always remind yourself not to compare yourself to anyone since you're beautiful enough but you can't. the funniest thing is you and haeri didn't even know each other, yet you being so jealous of her life. sometimes you just feel small, you want to be like them.

"y/n!" junkyu shakes your body making you slap his hand

"what!?"

"i called you for like thousand times! you didn't hear me?" junkyu said, stroking his hand that got slapped by you

"oh i'm sorry, im zoning out, you're done rearranging?"

junkyu nodded

"you can listen to the instrument and practice your lyric with it," he said

"okay"

an hour passed, you finally get the tempo, beat, and rhythm right, you grin excitedly as junkyu put the headphones on your head and directing the microphone to you

"you ready?" junkyu asked

"yes i am" with that, junkyu clicked on something and you could hear the instrument, you begin to sing the verse of your song choice.

i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room

'cause all i see are girls too good to be true

with paper-white teeth and perfect bodies

wish i didn't care

you stop singing and look at junkyu curiously making junkyu paused the song and look back at you with a confused look

"why?"

"doesn't singer usually stop singing for producers fix their mistakes?" you asked making junkyu giggle

"yes that's true but you didn't have any mistake, you're doing good, i will pause the music if i have something to fix" he explained, getting an 'oh' from you. you continue singing the song.

i know their beauty's not my lack

but it feels like that weight is on my back

and i can't let it go

com-comparison is killin' me slowly

i think i think too much

'bout kids who don't know me

i'm so sick of myself

i'd rather be, rather be

anyone, anyone else

my jealousy, jealousy started followin' me

started followin' me

as you singing the song that you wrote, junkyu couldn't help but wonder who is the person, you dedicated to? or how you inspired to write this song? this song is obviously about your insecurities about some girl, and you don't even know her! junkyu pout when you felt like this, he knew how insecurities could kill you, back then when he was a trainee he felt insecure with all of the trainees that beat him to debut, he felt he doesn't belong in here but with you and his members on his side, he gained confidence and prove to the world that he is himself and nothing can change that.

all your friends are so cool, you go out every night

in your daddy's nice car, yeah, you're livin' the life

got a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend, too

i wanna be you so bad and i don't even know you

all i see is what u should be

happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy

all i see is what i should be

i'm losin' it, all i get's jealousy, jealousy

you remove the headphone as soon as the instrument stop playing, you handing the headphone without noticing junkyu's face, chaeyul grabbed the water bottle and drink, her throat felt dry after singing a whole song which you have never done in your life, making you wonder how did singer voice so stable when singing live?

"kyu—oh my god why are you looking at me like that?" you take one step back as you saw junkyu looking at you with frowns on his face, you bit her lips was your singing that terrible?

"sit down here" he ordered, you quickly took a seat beside him without saying anything

junkyu grab your hand and rubs it softly while looking at you with his brown eyes.

"what you see is all fake y/n. she living her best life is what you see what you want, but you didn't see her pain, how hard she must through a day in her life, we didn't know if she struggles behind, you also know you can't compare yourself to others right? you're beautiful" he said

"but, i don't know kyu. i couldn't help but felt all jealous of her, i feel like a total loser" you said

“no y/n, you're not a loser! hear me out, you do great, you beautiful and an amazing person, so why do you need to be insecure to a person you never know? everyone is beautiful on their own, you're an original version of yourself and no one else could be you. you are special and unique, you wouldn't know if someone is jealous of your life, a successful medical student who has a great voice. you need to love yourself more, let yourself shine in your spotlight. trust me popular life wouldn't great as you think" he said

you smile at his words

"thank you kyu, honestly, you're right.i didn't appreciate myself enough this past week, hearing you said that making me feel great about myself, i am me, there's nothing anyone could change about me"

junkyu smile and pat your head

"that's my girl"

#treasure imagines #treasure scenario #treasure yg #treasure junkyu #kim junkyu #junkyu imagines #junkyu scenarios #junkyu fluff #junkyu angst #treaure blurbs

[highly-flammable]

Reacting to Legacies 3x03 (SPOILERS):

1. So ARE we FINALLY getting to some proper firstborn Mikaelson witch breakdowns?

2. Oh well, apparently no. They'll just try to wave it off as some one time thing probably.

3. So Hope and Landon are on a break. Okay. TBH watching them sass each other is interesting.

4. The guidance counselor is pretty much a compulsion monster, is that it? Well, I do like his wardrobe.

5. Alyssa's concern for MG is so fake I can't.

6. Nobody other than Jed read for Stefan? THE DISRESPECT.

7. Lizzie playing Caroline makes total sense but them asking Josie to play the lead without even an audition looks a bit bad TBH. Like, give the other interested people a chance, at least.

8. I find it a bit repetitive how there are mind-controlling monsters popping out again and again.

9. So MG is basically going through a phase similar to what Cami was going through when Klaus used to compel her at the beginning of TO. Considering Quincy's fondness for Cami, he must have liked playing that.

10. I understand that Landon is supposed to be a capable songwriter in-universe but it takes more than that to write and direct a musical and it's very weird that they didn't even find a guest star to pose as a Drama or English teacher who is guiding him or something. WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?

11. I kinda feel like some of the lead characters in this show are colour-coded. I see Hope and Landon in red and blue a lot (the two gowns we have seen Hope wearing also fall into this pattern) and Josie wears yellow in like, every other episode. If I recall correctly, Lizzie wears a lot of white, too. I wonder what the reasoning behind these choices are.

12. Well, I liked Hope and Landon's relationship in S1, I have no idea what was going on with it in S2, and I still don't know what to think about it.

13. Lizzie casts herself in Caroline's role and then chokes at rehearsal. Not totally unrealistic but still feels a bit forced to me. Would have been better if Landon cast her because she's Caroline's daughter and Lizzie was a bit apprehensive in the first place because she didn't want to mess up the role.

14. I appreciate the show taking a moment to talk about Lizzie's bipolar disorder though. It's been a while.

15. "Bonnie just disappears for long periods of time"? Dude, she's still super important and you're putting her in the play. Right? RIGHT?!

16. Landon, THANK YOU for pointing out how weird Caroline and Alaric's relationship was. The guy deadass got engaged to her and had a pissing contest over her with Stefan, that will never not gross me out.

17. So the monster is mind controlling Landon to put Klaus into the play. Saw this coming IG.

18. Hope is painting again, like her dad used to do when he felt things were going out of control. I've been rewatching TO and this is making me so emotional. I MISS KLAUS AND HIS SHENANIGANS. And not a single character on Legacies comes close to Klaus, Elijah and Hayley for me. (Sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings but Legacies really is a downgrade from TVD and TO)

19. Ugh, why would he use the contents of the letter as lyrics? Dude, is it because you're mind-controlled? No, I don't like this. Klaus loved Hope to the ends of the earth and wanted everyone to know but Hope wants to keep things private, and her wishes should have been respected.

20. So apparently Landon tries not to put Klaus' villainous antics into the show. Well, okay, it's definitely a copout but since he is Hope's boyfriend, makes sense. But I don't understand why the musical HAS TO BE about the Salvatore school. The accreditation excuse is lazy, writers! Also, Landon, my dude, Klaus was a major donor of the school. Put that in instead of the other things, stop pissing off your girlfriend FFS. Even if you're mind-controlled 🤦🏻‍♀️

21. I do find it funny how Landon is all gaga over Klaus' use of language though. The guy really did have the best lines, didn't he? (Tied with Elijah, I suppose, for me)

22. The other singers of the first song are really good so Kaylee sounds a bit rusty in comparison. Also, she reminds me too much of Dark!Josie with the hair and makeup. From a distance, she can be mistaken for Nina though.

23. I love that the backstage activities are being shown.

24. I'm digging Jed as Stefan and I really like his singing voice. And the Hero Hair wig cracked me up. Kaleb is obviously good at singing at it's nice to hear more from him. I also like how Chris Lee didn't try to exactly emulate Ian and played Damon how someone who has only heard about him might play him.

25. Is Hope painting herself before the pit or something? Or is this supposed to symbolize her despair at her parents' loss? ALSO, I WANT SOMEONE TO MENTION HAYLEY :( Why is Hayley so ignored?!

26. The same person probably wrote MG's notes and Caroline's letter IRL and therefore, in-universe, MG has Caroline's handwriting and it's funny to me.

27. Jenny sings well, I like it. I don't understand the song though, was Caroline actually ever feeling this insecure? I feel like the song became a lot more about Lizzie than her mother. (It's been forever since I watched TVD, if anyone has yet to guess, I prefer watching TO)

28. The doppelganger thing cracked me up.

29. Wait why did the monster attack Josie?! Ohhhh he's forcing Landon to improvise and put Klaus' song at the end. Well, I guess it makes it seem a bit less like Landon's fault. But would Hope know that?

30. It's hilarious how they lowkey make a call back to Nina leaving TVD and them having to put Elena in a sleep spell though.

31. Landon having a hissy fit is funny to me. Aria needs more comedic scenes.

32. Wait, where did Jade come from? Has she been in the school all these weeks?

33. While the scene seems a bit shabby to me, Klaus talking to Hope reminds me of their scene from TO 4X03. I needed more of Summer Fontana and Joseph Morgan together. Also, the donation did get mentioned, YASSSS. Man did some horrific things but he did fund the school so maybe a little less badmouthing in the presence of his daughter now that you know the story, eh, students?

34. The fact that the guidance counselor actually wore a leather jacket and a henley is cracking me up. It's really bizarre.

35. "Terrible painter" XD Klaus would have eaten you for saying that if he were alive.

36. Um, Hope, wouldn't you ask your family if you are doing enough to make your father proud, instead of this random bloke who supposedly met him once?! Maybe call Freya or Rebekah.

37. Why is this monster being nice to Hope? Doesn't it try to break people up or something? You'd think he'd try to piss her off even more and ruin her relationship with Landon.

38. Stefan was trying to be more like Damon by sacrificing himself? Um, what?

39. Well, this musical at least gave Stefan and Caroline a goodbye scene. I wonder how much the twins remember Stefan, must have been a bit emotional for Lizzie to play that. Jenny's singing was gooood, really liked it.

40. JED WAS GONNA KISS LIZZIE AND I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN. But a forehead kiss does work.

41. Hope's playing Elena now? What?

42. Ngl I want Hope and Jed to be friends. She needs more of a connection to her wolf side. Both of her parents wanted her to be surrounded by wolves and she's barely interacting with the wolves in this show, which always makes me sad.

43. So this monster can also do little spells and move physical objects eh? Whatever, this is random.

44. And this monster brings people back together? Why?

45. So when Hope is singing, is she doing it as Elena or Hope? She came on stage as Elena, but I thought the song is about Hope. So WHAT IS IT?

46. Oh Damon's on stage, so Hope is singing as Elena and it's a call back to the graveyard scene from the TVD finale.

47. Danielle sings pretty well. It's good she decided to perform this time.

48. Okay, that lifting up scene was adorable. I feel like Hope and Landon are at their cutest when they're a bit spontaneous. But she's Elena on stage and it lowkey looks like Landon crashed her romantic scene with Damon to kiss her so I'm cackling.

49. How much older is Jade supposed to be than Josie?

50. So is Josie going to leave the school for a while and that's why Ethan will be back in the picture?

51. Jade used to babysit Josie? Okay, it is hella awkward.

52. Josie why, don't do this, yikes. Kissing her once doesn't make it non-creepy.

53. The Sheriff feels kinda shoehorned to me. Also, I don't care for Matt Davis or his character.

54. So Candice did the voiceover for Caroline's letter. That's nice for the show. I still don't understand why the letter showed up in Hope's fireplace though LOL.

55. This episode should have spent more time exploring the aftermath of the loss of Rafael. The abrupt shift from the last episode wasn't nice.

56. Yeah, kids, talk out your problems, thanks.

57. I feel like Klaus is too much of a controversial figure that Hope's conflict about her father's reputation would be resolved in one day. This is feeling undercooked. Speaking of, when is one of Klaus' or Hayley's enemies coming after Hope, because she did inherit all of them. Would make for better storytelling than this monster of the week nonsense. And yeah, still no mention of Hayley, I hate this.

58. The monster's characterization was really odd to me and I am so tired of this format SMH.

59. So they toyed with MG for weeks to get a vampire for the spell? That sounds like too much effort. There are tons of vampires from Klaus and Rebekah's bloodline, they couldn't find another? Also, I wonder who is the wolf that they will use.

Well, I felt like this episode was mostly okay, but not that well-cooked or epic or whatever. What is horrific is that they didn't show Bonnie, though. They could have at least gotten a female black guest character who is one of the witch students or something. This is very offensive.

Also, I don't think it makes sense for the show to do any more musicals in the future. This ain't Riverdale.

#legacies #legacies cw #hope mikaelson #landon kirby #lizzie saltzman #josie saltzman #kaleb #jed #milton greasley #alyssa chang #jade #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall #elena gilbert #damon salvatore #stefan salvatore #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes #cami o'connell

[sepublic]

Wing it like Witches!

           Let me tell you- I was WORRIED this episode would make me sad and angsty, but instead it just made me happy and all warm inside! I know that sounds super-corny but like…

           I LOVED this episode! I was worried from the promo pic that Boscha’s bullying would really get to Luz, Gus, and Willow, but… It didn’t! I mean, it still got to WILLOW hence the entire episode, but otherwise Luz and Gus were less “Wow I’m really being reminded of my insecurities from bullying” and more “I can’t believe she ACTUALLY did that. She wasted her entire school day doing that. This girl is NUTS, is she okay back home?”

           (The more I see of Boscha, the more I have to wonder if she IS okay back home… Obviously not crippled with self-loathing to the extent that Amity is, but never mind.)

           What’s really surprise to see though; LILITH IS A RED-HEAD!?!? I remember seeing that first pic of young Eda with two other classmates, one of whom was obscured and the other had glasses; And I thought, is THAT girl Lilith, could it be? Is the girl with the obscured face the one who stole Lilith’s lunch money, potentially that favorite character from Season 2 that Dana alluded to? My mind is racing, but either way young Eda and Lilith are utterly adorable! I do have to wonder if what Lilith had to say about Eda’s bad memory was just a jab, or something more… Given that the show has alluded to Eda possibly having amnesia with MORE than just her curse…!

           Speaking of which; LILITH AND EDA GETTING ALONG! Well, sort of- I mean they’re technically adversarial by the end of this episode, but only technically. Lilith knows where the Owl House is, finally; And we get to see in this episode just how capable Hooty really IS as a security system, surprisingly enough! He even manages to capture LILITH; Though to be fair, she may not have been super-invested in the mission given this was her sister we’re talking about, but still! Coupled with Hooty mercilessly tearing apart those toys in Adventures in the Elements, and I have to wonder if he’s ever, like… KILLED people before, y’know?

           …Maybe I don’t want that answer. Regardless, I love Luz’s little cheeky interference with Eda’s game, but Eda still manages to win by her last trick; Just pure, genuine skill and talent! That was a twist, I was expecting Eda to have another cheat or to be caught by Lilith, but as I said before… Eda isn’t humble, and for a GOOD reason! Lilith ain’t no slouch either, and I love that King willingly donned a cheerleader outfit just to offer support! I mean, maybe Eda MADE him, but otherwise he didn’t seem to have much of an issue so long as it was just at home!

           And… I LOVE the little small moments between Eda and Lilith, where… Lilith KNOWS she has to turn her sister in, she’s getting desperate, but it’s also low-key breaking her heart to do this! And when she loses the match and just… FALLS on her knees in despair, questioning herself, and Eda picking her up? Giving her that signature ring, just to make Lilith look better? I… I LOVE these sisters, why can’t they make up?! Lilith isn’t even aiming to imprison Eda, she just wants her to join the Emperor’s Coven and continue doing stuff alongside her, like old times!

           And Eda… Eda still needs her autonomy, but she knows that Lilith isn’t some cruel person. She knows that Lilith loves her sister and wants the best, that she’s in a terrible position; Eda knows how stifling the Coven System is, and while being beneath Belos provides a lot of power… It also provides a lot of PRESSURE as well! Sure, Lilith chose this… But Eda still believes that Lilith is deserving of kindness and compassion!

           (Let me tell you, considering I don’t think we’ve seen any Eda clips past this episode, I was LEGIT afraid she’d get captured by the end… thank goodness!)

           What’s also fascinating to note is that Emperor Belos was in charge since fiftyyears ago; Given the speculation that Eda isn’t as old as she looks, this indicates Belos is PRETTY old himself, by a large margin; Especially when one considers how long-lived Bump is! It’s a small moment telling us how he established the Coven Heads five decades ago, but I really appreciated it; And in general, this episode seems to be our final, light-hearted breather before we get into the REALLY heavy stuff… Keep in mind, our last two episodes were originally planned to air side-by-side, like a two-part season finale! On a lesser note, we see the Heximal System teacher giving a History lesson, confirming what I suspected earlier; That some subjects include students from all tracks, simply because the subject-matter applies across any and all covens, and History is one of them! Love the small world-building here!

           Given how we don’t see anything else of Willow and Gus past that scene in Belos’ treasury, I have to wonder… What if those two get captured, and only Luz can escape? Amidst King –and possibly Eda- being taken as well, Luz might be looking at a one-man operation here! Which just makes her all the more impressive… Like looking at her now, even if she DOES lose against Lilith; She’d still have been going toe-to-toe with the Head of the Emperor’s Coven, even if only briefly! Luz has come a far way away from where she started as just a powerless human, and has amassed FOUR glyphs; Light, Ice, Plant, and Fire!

           And BOY HOWDY is she good at them! Seriously, I bet she could’ve easily beaten Boscha in a Witch’s Duel if she wanted; Though it’s worth noting that according to Willow, Grudgby is apparently the only language she speaks… Given that shot of her room at the beginning, I have to wonder if that’s where her MAIN self-worth lies in! In the beginning Boscha acknowledges to herself that she’s hated, ‘so long as she is feared’; And her monologue low-key gives me, “Doesn’t know how to make friends so copes by putting herself above everybody else and overinflating her own self-importance under the impression that people are just secretly jealous!” vibes. (In some ways she’s like Grace from Infinity Train…)

That aside, I just get a sensation of pride from seeing how adept and adaptable Luz is, and the way she learned Fire from Boscha of all people –Which I called!- is both hilarious but goes to show what kind of a learner she is… I feel like Eda, like we’ve watched our kid grow and get stronger and I can’t WAIT to see what she pulls off next! Amidst her learning Magic and then defying the Coven System… you go Luz, YOU GO!

           And, it seems I’m not the only person who shares this sentiment! Even after Boscha’s bullying, we don’t see anybody beyond her gang make fun of Luz and co.! When Willow gets trashed poured on her, some students are watching, but… They seem kind of disturbed by it all? They’re not outright vouching on her behalf like Luz, possibly because Boscha is watching; But still! It is SO cathartic to see Willow being beloved by the entire school like that, even if she’s keeping her friend-circle to a select few; People LIKE her, and it’s what she deserves! Like Luz, I’m SO proud…!

           I’m still disappointed we didn’t get the names of Boscha’s other friends, but I really like their inclusion here! I liked how they all seemed rather uncomfortable with seeing Luz forfeit, only to be made Boscha’s target practice; And how Luz is so bright, bubbly, and infectiously-cheerful, spreading her good will to others! Like, this girl is TOO kind, and so loving… She has no bounds and I love how those other girls are even affected by Luz, genuinely enjoying her and wanting to be friends, alongside having Willow as a teammate! I have to wonder if they’ll ditch Boscha after this… Or at the very least, try to talk her down as friends of Boscha that she actually cares about and vice-versa (compared to Amity, who has always been cold towards Boscha, hence why her talking wouldn’t have made a difference)!

           Speaking of Amity… C’mon, girl. Your CRUSH is showing, the way you’re getting flustered, imagining seeing Luz in a ‘cute’ uniform and everything… Gus being utterly confused, but you can tell that the gears in Willow’s head are turning and honestly; She’s all for it, likely! I think this is the first time Amity has had an ACTUAL crush on someone she can talk to, instead of some distant figure or a fictional character! It’s so heartwarming seeing her navigate it, getting to actually deal with feelings like a kid is supposed to be allowed to do! And Luz being clueless… That, or she thinks Amity is into WILLOW, which makes a lot of sense too!

           (After all, Luz knows that her parents wouldn’t approve of her being Amity’s girlfriend… But Luz, you have NO idea how much she cares, she literally loves you more than she fears them! And Amity, knowing that her parents wouldn’t approve and struggling with this no doubt, but her love for Luz is really shining through over all of that!)

           To put it simply; Luz is FRIEND-shaped, she’s lovable, there’s no escaping liking her! Maybe Boscha will always be a bully, and I know one might call it ‘cliché’… But honestly I’d love to see Boscha eventually warm up to Luz and HER infectious positivity as well! Also, I saw that twist with the Rusty Smidge coming from a mile away, and I love how Luz low-key gets into a genuine rant over it! Although the loss doesn’t matter, as Luz’s team was clearly more adept and Boscha’s friends don’t seem interested in forcing Luz and her friends to do all of that other stuff…

           Anyhow, I love seeing Amity stand up for her friends, and when she says that her social life has improved because she’s with Luz, in spite of Boscha’s claims… I really CAN see her standing up to her parents, sometime later! I speculated a while back that depending on how her and Luz’s relationship in Enchanting Grom Fright goes, it’d really impact what Amity does later down the line, and I was right! But it IS worth noting that Amity may not yet know that Luz has to leave… King and Eda know, and the former mentioned this in front of Willow and Gus! It’s possible that Luz has laid out her plans to return every summer (and during winter break and whatnot), which would definitely lessen Amity’s angst by an infinite amount! And seeing as how she has instantaneous access to the Demon Realm, who’s to say she can’t pop in every day, after school! Sure she might not be actively living in the Owl House anymore, but otherwise…!

           On another note with Amity, I love her and Luz getting to geek out over The Good Witch Azura, and it’s funny to see the show confirm what I wondered about earlier; About Amity secretly making Azura references in public, under the knowledge that nobody would recognize them and realize she’s a nerd… But LUZ does now, and the two can bond! Also, Amity getting to have fun with Luz and co. at the end, being CARRIED by Luz, fully accepted into the home… I know you also have the library as a safe space Amity, but you’ve also got the Owl House as well! And it seems Hooty bears no grudges, either!

           Also, someone speculated recently that Amity has her goth-sense from Lilith… and given the implication that Lilith dyed her hair, I can REALLY SEE IT! I’m disappointed we didn’t get any interactions between the two… But the way it was set up, I feel like if Eda and Lilith were there they’d be too busy cheering on their kids respectively! Or not, we’ve seen them prioritize their feud in Covention… But back then Luz and Amity weren’t on the same team!

           Back to Amity, it’s interesting that she used to be on the Grudgby team, and was good at it, even being CAPTAIN when Boscha wasn’t; But then explicitly quit when she accidentally hurt some of her ‘friends’ merely once. Even if she never cared for them in the past, even if this was before she met Luz and learned to be kind and open again… She was ALWAYS someone who was self-conscious of her actions! And sure, the issue is that Amity is a LITTLE too self-conscious, constantly berating herself, holding herself accountable for every mistake… But regardless, it says a lot how guilty she feels to have hurt her teammates, even if it was an accident and a one-time incident that resulted in victory!

           I’ll probably do ANOTHER post about it later, but it says a lot; How Amity feels like she should step up as a Blight, and she DOES outshine the others… But because of that inherent guilt but also compassion, she actually quits Grudgby out of guilt! Which leads me to the idea that even if she tolerated Boscha and co., she wouldn’t have wanted to hurt them; Again, because she’s critical of herself, but also because Amity isn’t cruel and it may have reminded her of how she treated Willow! I have to respect and fear for Amity on quitting Grudgby after that…

           Again, I think she has the issue of being too overtly-critical of herself, and that it’s honestly THE issue that defines her problems; But on the other hand, I feel like Amity’s parents would’ve been displeased to see their star child quit the team, just for hurting some ‘lesser’ witches? I’m scared for what may have happened to Amity, but it also says a lot that she made a potentially defiant move simply because she didn’t want to hurt yet another friend…

           (That, or her parents wanted Amity to focus on Abominations and other studies, and coupled with Amity’s guilt, it was the perfect opportunity to get her off the team. Which would be sad, but not surprising.)

           Anyhow, I just think it’s interesting that Boscha and co. don’t ever seem to have any resentment towards Amity until recently. It’s possible Boscha DID dislike Amity up until she stepped down… But it makes me wonder if Boscha, like, looked up to Amity and wanted her approval and attention? Given how she’s always framed as following Amity… Perhaps Amity stepping down led to Boscha taking the spotlight, and so Boscha feels indebted towards Amity for her fame (and potential source of self-worth)?

           Last but DEFINITELY not least; Somebody else (I’m sorry I keep forgetting) alluded to how in Understanding Willow, there was the issue set up of Luz meaning the best for friends… But also sometimes invading their privacy, or overriding what they want, so she can live out her fantasies at the same time! And, like- A big part of her IS doing this for her friends, that much is clear… But Luz does have an issue sometimes with clearing fantasy from reality! It’s a more advanced lesson from the one she learned in Episode 2, continuing off of that, and I LOVE it!

           Like, I really do LOVE how Luz recognizes in this episode that even if a part of her is motivated in helping Willow, she’s also using this as a chance to live out her underdog Azura fantasies, and how Willow points this out to her… and Luz realizes that she’s right! She actively MAKES a change to her behavior, and makes up for it by fixing Willow’s hairclip and even forfeiting on Willow’s behalf and taking all the punishment… All because she doesn’t want her friend to be uncomfortable! Man, Luz is SO ridiculously kind, I keep saying she’s my favorite but she REALLY IS! What a lovable dork, no wonder Boscha and her friends are falling for her!

           (Also RIP Skara, you were the fourth one in a team of three. Although given how she helped carry Luz and Amity in the previous episode, amidst already having more screen time… I can see this as a way for the writers to give more of a spotlight to Boscha’s other friends, while subtly acknowledging that Skara likely has gotten over her bias towards Luz and the others. I wonder if Boscha also noticed and that’s why she was left out; That, or she’s the least-skilled? I dunno, but it was neat to see and I’ll overanalyze the moment regardless!)

           On a lesser note; Willow’s last name is Park, which is a Korean surname! Coupled with her VA’s ethnicity and Willow/Tati Gabrielle being listed amongst other Asian rep characters and VAs, and I think it’s safe to say that she’s the Boiling Isles equivalent to Asian; Which let me tell you, is VERY nice to see!

           Overall, this was an AMAZING episode! It was a heartwarming, feel-good episode that reaffirmed character relationships and love while still expanding on them, adding in more friends to the group… It was pretty much nothing but happy moments and revelations! Obviously things are setting up in the next two episodes to go REALLY crazy, especially with Luz potentially getting banned from Hexside for defying Lilith and Belos… But it’s clear to say that she’s left QUITE the good impression on the administration and students! And I can see some even vibing with Luz’s ideas even after she gets kicked out… Perhaps Luz will unknowingly start a rebellion of sorts?

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house willow #willow park #the owl house boscha #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house amity #amity blight #analysis

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ‘I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’ 

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family 

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him 

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan! 

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #sh #meta #magnus bane meta #camille belcourt is an abuser #long post #ask #anonymous #camille's trash party #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

[disasterinadress97]

Dallas Winston Headcannons nobody asked for 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trigger warning ⚠️

A bit of nsfw in there too

Pre Tulsa, life in New York

• His mom was a drug addict and had Bipolar 1 disorder

• He has/had 4 siblings, an older brother (six years older) from his moms previous relationship, older sister (five years older) from his dads past relationship, a twin brother (who was trans ftm) and a little sister (eight years younger than him)

• He was always the one to take care of his mom during her depressive episodes when she wouldn’t leave her bed.

• She often left days-weeks at a time when she was in a manic state

• He practically raises his baby sister, she died when she was four due to cancer

• That was when he decided he hates kids cause they always reminded him of her

• he was always stealing and dealing to get his twin brother anything to help his body dismorphia and feel more comfortable in his body

• His mom often sold his body and his brother’s to her drug dealer when they couldn’t afford drugs (his dad did not know this at the time)

• his dad was actually a good dad till their mom walked out on them when he was 9, that was when he started drinking and abused Dallas because ‘you fuckin look so much like her’

• He was apart of two gangs in New York, one of which was a Drag Queen gang

• The one Queen lived beside him and always heard fighting, she took him under her wing and after his mom left they were practically the ones who raised him and his little sister

• the two older siblings and his twin left a little while after their mom did, that was when he learned you can’t trust anyone

• you bet your ass this boy dressed in drag with his queens, a master with make up, can’t change my mind

• can walk in high heels/‘stripper shoes’ like no other!

• started selling his body to strangers for money after his mom left and his dad started drinking to afford to feed his sister and himself

• His other gang was a bunch of stereotypical big mean, manly gang members

• He started dating a guy from said gang, this guy was hella abusive, controlling and manipulative. Also was twice Dal’s age

• when Dallas left New York he broke up with him and the guy beat the shit out of him and burned him with a poker ‘so you’ll never forget me’

In Tulsa/present?

• has some severe PTSD, also suffers from abandonment issues, anxiety, depression and Bipolar 2 disorder

• Loves him some Rupauls drag race, reminds him of his Queens and how much he misses them

• Acts so tough and mean because In New York he was tough and knew it but was always seen as the ‘little kid’ so going to Tulsa that wasn’t gonna happen again

• first people he came out to about being bi was Mr and Mrs Curtis

• they also found out he was selling his body for rent/food money and that was when they realised how much they care about him

• him and Mrs. Curtis were super close, she was the closest thing he had to a real mom.

• He is actually so soft behind the tough guy act

• cuddles? All the time

• is a total brat sub/bottom don’t @ me

• the gang found out about his Drag Queen past when he accidentally sent pony the wrong photo from his phone ‘you tell them you die!’

• he obviously blabbed

• everyone was shook.

• Johnny was amazed because ‘he’s so tough but so pretty!’

• two bit laughed but lowkey was impressed with Dallys confidence to do that

• Steve was just ‘if it makes him nicer and happier than whateva’

• you already know soda begged him to do his make up let’s ge honest

• Darrel was quiet but was also a good dad and was like ‘as long as it keeps him out of jail we will always love him’

• he was touched but also super embarrassed the gang found out about it, but was thankful they were cool with it

• gang 100% harassed him to wear drag for them Atleast once

• one day dallas brought his make up and shoes over, he did his and soda’s make up and wore his shoes and the gang was shook! ‘How can you walk in those?! So easily??’ ‘He looks prettier than half the girls at school!’

• all the support from the gang!

• Dallas actually reads a lot like pony does but doesn’t talk about it incase he gets made fun of for the books he likes

• is also really smart but plays dumb

• this boy LOVES vampires, they’re his guilty pleasure. We talking the vampire chronicles, the vampire diaries, true blood, he even liked the twilight books but will never tell a soul!

Dating headcanons!

General:

• cuddles all the time

• is very insecure and gets jealous easy

• surprisingly isn’t violent or aggressive when jealous, he’s scared if he is they will leave

• plot twist! Sylvia was actually a beard so Soc’s and other gangs wouldn’t know he’s bi

• they only said she cheated cause she was caught with another dude. The hate and hurt was all an act

• is a brat so will tease his dom in public subtly but so much

• is super clingy

• wants to be together all the time

• always needs reassurance ‘are you sure you’re still happy? Like I didn’t do anything wrong?’ ‘No, babe I love you’. ‘Oh okay, are you sure tho?’ 24/7

Johnny

• always getting Johnny to stay at bucks or his dads when his dad isn’t home so Johnny is safe

• feeding this boy all the time!

• when he hears dal is a bottom Johnny is shook but surpringly into a ‘daddy’ role

• drive in dates whenever they can

• they watch the stars a lot

• when Dallas is super anxious he picks at his nails a lot and Johnny holds his hands to help him feel a bit at ease

• when Dallas is in a manic state Johnny follows him anywhere he goes. Parties, fights, anything. He just wants to make sure he doesn’t get jailed again or hurt

• Johnny highkey loves when Dallas dresses in drag ‘you’re just so confident and hot!’

Steve

• watches while Steve works on his cars, he likes seeing Steve so interested and content

• when either of them fight with their dads they drive around all night and talk. They are both quiet about feelings usually but wanna be there for each other

• hangs around the DX while Steve and soda work

• both don’t say a lot normally but are always touching each other

• when Dallas is in a depressive episode Steve will come to bucks and just lay with him for hours

• They talk about both their moms walking out on them sometimes. They both swear if they ever met these women there would be hell to pay ‘how could she abandon this beautiful person?’

Soda

• all the spooning you could ask for

• Dallas is always complimenting him. ‘You’re so pretty wtf’

• on the anniversary of sodas parents death Dallas buys him flowers and they go to their graves

• when Dallas doesn’t answer his phone Soda highkey panics ‘what if he’s hurt?! What if he’s in jail ahain?’

• Dallas always feels bad about this and tries to make it up to him

• soda is always reminding Dallas he’s not alone and he loves him

• when soda really misses his mom Dallas and him talk about some of their favourite memories with her. Soda is still sad but it makes him a little happier knowing how much she cared about him and the one he loves so much

Two bit

• jokes 24/7

• when the gang isn’t around Dallas only calls him Keith or babe

• two doesn’t usually like his name but when Dallas says it he hates it a little less every time

• two bits mom wasn’t a fan of Dallas at first but after a while and gets to know him she loves him so much ‘mom I’m home’ ‘where is dallas’ ‘idk’ ‘tell him to come over I’m making his favourite dish’

• when two bit gets jealous or feels Dallas is he always puts his arm around his waist or kissing him so the person gets the hint

• twos little sister looks up to their relationship a lot and loves how happy her brother is

• two doesn’t stop drinking but slows down on it when Dallas mentions once it worries him sometimes

• Dallas and twos little sister get close really fast. Dallas is always giving her advice and one day brings her some old make up of his and she loves it!

• two doesn’t understand why dallas seems a little sad after times like these until one day dallas tells him about his little sister and how two should spend more time with her, ‘just in case something happens. I don’t want you to regret anything like I do’

• two makes a point to spend more time together the three of them after that

Pony

• they read together sometimes

• Dallas will go to literally any movie if pony is interested

• picks pony up from school everyday

• if Dallas gets arrested you know pony is lecturing him for Atleast a half hour. Dallas just sits there with heart eyes because ‘damn I missed this pain in my ass’

• dates at the Dingo are their Friday night ritual

• they both have terrible nightmares and are always cuddling and comforting eachother after

• Dallas is always saying little things to pony about his relationship with Darrel ‘I know he’s on your case all the time but it’s cause he means well’. Dallas then tells pony about his brothers and sister and how he wishes he could live with them and see them like pony can with Darrel

• pony and dar still fight sometimes after this but never in front of Dallas

Darrel

• they don’t go out a lot for dates but like to watch their favourite shows together (they kick the gang out for a few hours on these nights)

• Darrel brings out the brat in Dallas 24/7 and he teases him all the time until Darrel gets to a point he just looks at him and with a deep voice ‘bedroom now’ and Dallas practically trips over his own feet running to the room

• they are not quiet either! The gang sees them go in Dar’s room and they all groan and leave ASAP

• the gang found out about them when the gang came over and heard Dallas call out ‘daddy!’ And never let him live it down ‘how’s it going daddy’s boy’ ‘I will literally kill you two bitch’

• Darrel never celebrates his birthday after his parents die and Dallas puts an end to that so fast. He goes all out, flowers, presents, sexy time. Anything he can do

• always sitting on Darrel’s lap, clinging to him, hugging. All of it. He’s just amazed and thankful he has such a strong and beautiful bf who loves him

• dar once let dallas do make up on him and Darrel borderline didn’t like how good he looked in it

• Dallas got him to experiment in drag and Darrel felt hella empowered. Now they dress up together sometimes. But dar says only Dallas is allowed to see him like that

• this makes dal feel extra special and close to dar and he loves it

Tim

• sarcastism never stops

• Tim is quiet but really protective, he can say whatever he wants about Dallas but once someone says one bad thing they best be ready to square up

• patching eachother up after fights al the time

• they be kinky bitches man!

• after a nightmare Dallas told Tim a little bit about his ex and it took dallas an hour to talk him out of going to New York to kill this man

• Dallas does strip teases for Tim in his stripper shoes on special occasions.

• Tim didn’t tease him for his make up or anything, he actually found it real pretty on him

• Tim never lets him stay at his own place or bucks after they get together.

• Tim is Demi sexual

• Dallas heard his ex was released out of prison and has a sever panic attack. Tim was right there reassuring him ‘babe I’m right here. No ones gonna hurt you’.

• dals mom comes to town and Tim got Angela and her friends to give her a ‘Tulsa greeting’. Needless to say she left as soon as she came

This was so long and horrible I’m sorry

Special thanks to @sunlitcigars for helping with some ideas and encouraging me to post these

#dallas winston #outsiders #headcanon #dallyboy #jally #steve/dallas #dalbit #twobit #sodapop #darrel curtis #steve randle #sodapop curtis #johnny cade #mental health #ptsd #new york #tulsa #the outsiders #they trash im sorry

[where-fading-princesses-live]

double standards

So I was watching this very interesting video last night...  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di_R6Md-L80

And around 6:43, he talks about the classic Mary Sue trope and how, if you have a male character in a work of fiction who is presented as equally perfect and free of flaw (in other words, a Gary Stu), the criticism is less harsh towards him, or in some cases, nearly nonexistent. Some might even say he's a total bad-ass and how dare you find fault in someone so impossibly cool? But if they're female? Good god, it's bad writing and anti-feminist. People seem to be generally way more accepting of male archetypes who fall under this trope than the likes of their female counterparts, hence double standards. You see this all the time in action flicks for instance. Arnold Schwarzenegger films, anyone? James Bond whomst??? But suddenly you have Rey who's arguably not better or worse than the likes of those characters, and yet, the general opinion of her is... kind of unfair. Understandable, nonetheless... I'm not a fan of her either but at the same time, I don't think we should judge her harsher than male characters who have similar treatments. Male characters like that shouldn't be excused. I'm not saying Stus are NEVER pointed out or criticized, but this guy does have a point. There seems to be a much more airtight scrutiny surrounding female characters of this nature and it might be due to internalized misogyny or ''something something quantum quantum...'' Granted, I don't think Stus/Sues should be a widely accepted overused theme regardless, and that should be blamed on poor writing rather than sexism. Whether male, female, both, neither and everything in-between, characters need to be well-written, well-developed, believable and nuanced and blah blah blah. I'm not really here to talk about that. What I want to point out is double standards. And yes, this is sexism.

Take Rick and Morty for example. I'm not going to get too deep into it, but the fandom seems to praise the shit out of Rick who can easily be labelled a Stu because as we're constantly reminded, he's supposedly the ''smartest man in the universe''. Now, when you create a character who is a self-professed genius and placed on a pedestal by the writers, it can definitely come off Stu-ish. It's not that Rick unrealistically lacks flaws... no, this man is LOADED with flaws, but the fact that he's a literal badass who can get out of almost any sticky situation... well, like I said, there's more to his character than that and I'm not going to get into it, but Rick rarely, if ever, fails. Sometimes there's moments of vulnerability and the fact that he keeps trying to change but just slips back into his old ways, that makes him much more 3-dimensional than a Stu... but you know, despite his narcissism, his sarcasm, his alcoholism and mistreatment of his family and his incapability of maintaining healthy long-term relationships, he still has a limitless ability to create, a superior intelligence level even when compared to higher lifeforms on other planets, enabling him to outsmart entire government organizations and civilizations spanning galaxies, well... you can see where I'm going with this. There's no person on this planet like that who exists irl, even among the smartest of history's greatest men. Yes, it's a cartoon, it's meant to be far-fetched. Yes, it's sci-fi so we're expected to suspend our disbelief. Yes, there's a reason for it. Yes, it drives the core of the story. But even if there's times where it seems Rick will definitely fail, he never truly has an ALL IS LOST MOMENT because the writers conveniently write him out of most of his troubles, because the series has to keep going (obviously). Basically, I never feel a real sense of danger when Rick is in trouble because I know he'll get out alive (if not, there's infinite amount of Ricks and infinite amount of realities to replace him-- not to mention he can replace his family members as many times as he fucks up which became the show's laziest overused point in my opinion). Rick's not a bad character. Far from it. That's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is his daughter, Beth. Okay, no, she doesn't specifically bother me. The way the fandom sees her bothers me. Now Beth is undoubtedly cut from the same cloth. You know what they say, like father like daughter. And yet... the fandom fails to recognize her as a potentially great character, just as equally flawed and brilliant minded as Rick. She's a genius horse surgeon in a failing marriage. (I will go out on a limb and say she's more well written than Rick *ducks from flying tomatoes*.) I mean, her story is literally almost the same as her father's, her flaws are just as realistic--in fact, she's probably more realistic because she's not the ''smartest so and so of the godforsaken universe'' which is just as bad as annoyingly cringey The Chosen One trope. She's just Beth. A terribly smart woman with abandonment issues and trust issues and all other kinds of issues, but you can't blame her given her upbringing. By no means perfect or good at everything she does. Or loved (or hated) by everyone or hailed a genius by the entire flipping universe. You can't even call her a Sue. Yet some of the fandom chooses to label her a b*tch for whatever reason... even though her characterization is near identical to D*ck, er I mean Rick (e.g. she drinks just as much when she hits an all time low). She's just as awful with just as many fuck ups yet she's more sympathetic due to the way Rick raised her (or didn't raise her)... yet there's a double standard because somehow, because she's a female, she's a worse character than Rick, who's a male and apparently awesome (brownie points because he's one of the the two titular characters so you *can't* hate him, it's against the law). If Beth were Rick's son instead of his daughter, I wonder if the general opinion would be the same or not. If Rick were a woman.... he would be Rey, now would he? Don't deny it.

Then there's Ed Edd n' Eddy. As much as I love praising the hell out of this show, I also like to crap on it. There's no shame in pointing out flaws in your faves. But this isn't so much the flaw in the actual show and the actual writing, but again, I'm taking a jab at the fandom and how they perceive male characters v. female characters.

Sarah. Sarah is almost exactly like the female Eddy. She's little and bratty and loud af. She's probably the most hated character on the show (even Jimmy and Kevin are more liked than she is). I used to not like Sarah either but I never really asked myself WHY. When I compared her to Eddy, I realized that they're literally, almost the same character and I have no real reason to hate her (yeah yeah a lot of the cul-de-sac kids share eerily similar traits to the Eds and it was no accident; it makes you wonder why the kids hate the Eds so much if they ostracize them for the very same quirks they have, and it's not just the scams--it's because kids at this age are terribly insecure about themselves and tend to make fun of more vulnerable others who share their flaws to make themselves feel better. I was bullied in middle school for acne by... wait for it.... kids who had acne. GASP. Imagine that. So my point is, we often despise traits in others we despise in ourselves, not to mention we don't perceive ourselves the way others perceive us, hence, the Looking Glass Self theory. Basically, EEnE is deeper than it appears on the surface, and I've analyzed this before during those EEnE Appreciation Month things, so I won't bother repeating myself, but that's the basic idea in a nutshell.)

Ahem, before I get off on a further tangent, let me reiterate my main point. Sarah IS Eddy. No, not really, but yes, kinda really. Her voice can be irritating and grates on your nerves at times, she's bossy and controlling of her friends (I honestly love her friendship with Jimmy, and how they both defy stereotypical gender norms, and how protective she is of him, but there's times where she pushes his buttons), and though she doesn't hold Jimmy back from finding his own independence apart from her the way Eddy sometimes does to Ed and Edd who he treats them more as cronies in the first season (for instance, Sarah doesn't raise objection to Jimmy joining the Urban Rangers and finding his own identity and making other friends besides her, I mean they don't have to be glued to the hip and she damn well knows that), and yet... the way she treats Ed... well... even if Eddy stands up for Ed against Sarah and grows increasingly annoyed with the way she walks all over him... Eddy ain't much better, pumpkins. DON'T ACT LIKE HE'S BETTER THAN HER. Sure, male characters *always* get excused for this kind of behavior, but if it's a girl, she's automatically a mega beyotch with no redeeming qualities. If she's a b, he's a b, and they both have potential to redeem their flaws.  They should be treated equally.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Eddy. He's one of my favorite characters. OPE. And there's the tea.

Most people LOVE Eddy (not everybody, and if you don't, that's fine; you don't even have to like Sarah, but I have a case). Despite the fact that he's bossy, sarcastic, rude, selfish, self-absorbed, over confident, flamboyant, vain, screams with a voice that makes your ears bleed.... well, gee, didn't I just describe Sarah? Sarah loves make-up clothes and hair just as much as Eddy loves speedos and deodorant and cheap shampoo and dressing to the nines for Jonny's Arbor Day Party. Hell, Sarah had a complete meltdown because she lost her freakin' earring! Eddy flipped the fuck out when Ed lost his porno mags. THEY'RE. THE. SAME. FUCKING. PERSON. (and it's why they butt heads but that's a topic for another day, because you know, you can't fight fire with fire... you can argue the same for Eddy and Kevin)

Yet, the fandom HATES Sarah and LOVES Eddy. Probably not cuz she's female, but aside from the Kankers, the girls (and Jimmy, poor Jimmy) seem to receive harsher judgment towards them as characters by fans, even if they have similar traits to the boys. I'm sure it's because Sarah isn't as well written or developed a character as Eddy (who's a main cast member, actually the driving force of the show, the primary lead) BUT that's not to say Sarah doesn't have her moments of vulnerability or moments of total bad-assery that makes her.... well... interesting  if given the chance. (In BPS, she beats the living shit out of the Kankers and devises a plan for her and Jimmy to escape their enslavement, one of my all-time favorite scenes in the entire movie; not to mention she beats the crap out of EVERYONE on the show and it's usually, not always, well-deserved but it's entertaining nonetheless: cat fights with Nazz, even beating up Rolf who's twice her size, etc.). The fact that everyone is afraid of this little girl??? (maybe except Kevin). I mean, this chick is fearless, and yet, she still has moments of weakness. That's 3-dimensional if you ask me. She's more than just the bratty little sister. I didn't used to like her, but after studying her more, I've come to appreciate her. There's nothing about her that makes her an inherently ''bad'' female character. She plays a role, as do they all, and she plays the role perfectly.

Last but not least: Nazz. Everyone's favorite (I'm kidding). I don't know if the fandom hates Sarah or Nazz more. I can understand the hate towards Sarah, but Nazz seems even less just. Nazz is like one of the nicest people on the show and never really does anything to warrant the hate (until the infamous flanderized Season 5-- don't judge me, I love S5 regardless)... but even then she's still nice, if a bit artificially so. I mean, she becomes a bit of a Mean Girl (they all kinda do; it must be how the clique school environment changes a person), but she still goes out of her way to be inclusive towards everyone (even if she can be spotted in the background laughing at the Eds along with the others at times, but they're ALL guilty of this... ya'll out here lovin' on Rolf or Jonny or whatever, and pretending like they're saints, but they laugh at our precious Ed boys too. Also, precious Ed boys are not complete angels either and sometimes they need a good ass whooping or two. I mean, they're just kids. Kids are assholes). She's not a bad person though; she roots for all the contestants during the Spelling Bee. She personally appoints Ed to be the mascot of the football team. I can go on and on. She's just nice. Maybe that's why fans hate her. Because nice is boring. Nice is... personality-less. I don't think Nazz has as much eccentricity as the other characters, obviously, but she, too, has her moments (she yodels, for starters). She's not entirely lacking in personality. Sure, she may have as much personality as a board of wood (actually, I take that back, Plank has MORE personality than her XD) buuuut.... Idk, I like Nazz. I didn't at first either. But even if it irks me a bit that she's reduced down to the unattainable love interest and not much else, she, too, isn't an inherently ''bad'' female character. She has the least development of all the cast members, but she fills her role effectively. Without her, the show would feel like it's missing something. Even if she doesn't appear as often.

What bothers me the most is that she plays the same part as Kevin, only female. Kevin's the quintessential jock/bully popular leader of the kids, the King of the Cul-de-sac if you will (self-appointed or otherwise, just don't tell Eddy I told you). Nazz is like his Homecoming Queen, even if they're not an official couple (they spend the whole series as a ''will they or won't they Ross and Rachel'') and though not the leader of the kids collectively, she does sometimes lead the girls (or really, Sarah and Jimmy), while Kevin leads the boys (Jonny and Rolf, excluding the Eds). AND YET Kevin, though sometimes hated by fans, isn't nearly *as* hated as Nazz. Yet, he has as much personality as her (sorry, I love you, Kev). I mean, THEY'RE. ALMOST. THE. SAME. CHARACTER. Good looking, sporty, popular... He's also the least developed character of the male cast. Plank has more development than him and that's kinda sad... y'know... getting beat by a board of wood. (But Plank comes alive through Jonny, so basically Jonny is split into two separate characters; Plank reveals aspects of Jonny that he won't reveal to us, and vice versa. I can talk about Jonny all day, but let's not, because this is about Nazz.) I mean, again, Nazz and Kevin both have their moments of vulnerability and it's not like they're NEVER interesting; I beg to differ. Kevin, anyway, has two great episodes that revolve directly around his insecurities and anxieties and deep-seated fears, some deep shit I wish we got to see with Nazz. But instead we got BPS and it was hands-down the best character development we ever saw from her in the entire show's run. It's sad it had to be the end, because if they gave us more BPS Nazz throughout the series, she would have been a well rounded 3-d character.

Nazz is angry AF in BPS and I live for angry Nazz. We can kind of feel for her here because Kevin is such a dunce. She's finally reciprocating his feelings and he decides to turn the other way.... for his goddamn inanimate bike. It's something Jonny would do, but Kev always loved that bike... I guess more than Nazz, and it's one of the greatest love triangles ever. Phantom of the Opera don't interact. Ahem. My point is, Nazz finally displays more personality here-- like actual fucking emotion beyond just being nice and pretty (sure, we've seen her get angry sometimes, or freaked out other times, but never like this). Buuuuuut the fandom sees otherwise. They hated Nazz even MORE after this, despite that.... the male characters in BPS, like Rolf who punches through a tree and Edd and Eddy who go at it all piss and vinegar in an actual fist fight, are angry fucking men, and they're allowed to be angry and not Nazz because...? They have more testosterone and she doesn't? Because penises are more justified than vaginas? Oops, no, sorry, women can only be angry when they're on their periods, my bad. I mean, everybody's out in this freezing cold swamp, having a break down, at their wit's end, reaching their ''all is lost'' moment... yet, Rolf and the Eds are allowed to vent their frustrations on each other or on the surrounding environment. But not Nazz. No, Nazz is being a b*tch because.... Kevin's paying more attention to a non-living machine than to her. And he sat flat on his skinny ass and didn't help her when she needed him the most. And she didn't have to tag along with him but she did. She didn't have to put up with his cold aloofness but she did. And even if she was trying to catch his attention and flirt with him at inappropriate times she wasn't entirely useless. It was HER idea to find Eddy's brother. If she hadn't suggested it, he'd still be riding around in circles chasing his shadow. Yeah, okay, she's a total b*tch.

God forbid women have emotions. God forbid women cry or get frustrated. Then they're b*tches. But if they're pretty and nice and perfect and popular, they're Sues. Yet, male characters with the same traits.... get lighter sentences. No one even bats an eye. Boys will be boys am I right?

I can go on but yeah, don't say double standards are total BS. In this essay I will

#personal shit #eene #ed edd n eddy #rick and morty #feminism #mary sue #gary stu #nazz #sarah

[angel-deux-writes]

Hey, I am going to say this as anonymous and it may take a few messages. A lot of the recent comment bashing your fic were made by me like the recent comment on chapter 6 and 20. Why did I do it? Because I hate jaime, I hated him being a good person in a fic written so well

(2/4) Why did I target Robb? Because you showed some insecurity and uncertainties in writing him, he was a easy target, a chink in your armour so made comments from both sides - as his haters and lover. Why did I do it? Idk I was being a bitch and bullying because I could. 

(3/4)  Why am I telling you now? Because looking at your recent posts it seemed like victory but I feel so bad about it and I ain't even able to sleep and its 10 in the morning. I am so so sorry.

(4/4)  Please do not stop writing because of bitches like me, you are fantastic and deserve all the praises and love. You were so good is one of the reasons I was jealous of you as I am never that good and did all this, again I am very sorry for all the pain I may have caused.

uh, okay, so 

(under a cut for length)

I had several initial reactions to this, most of which were some variety of “clearly this isn’t real”? Like I thought a really nice reader/one of my friends here was trying to make me think that all my recent critical reviews were really just a single Rude Gus in a trenchcoat? But there WAS a recent anon comment on Chapter 20, and one on Chapter 5 as well, and I don’t think I ever mentioned the chapters specifically? So either this reader is very dedicated and went through to find the comments i was referencing (in which case, thank you for your efforts?? I guess??) or this is real

And like

if it’s real, okay. it reminds me viscerally of this time just after college when I got a series of emotional messages from this girl I grew up with. I wouldn’t have ever classified her as a “bully”, at least not to me, but out of all the kids in my neighborhood, she was definitely the meanest. She was really tough and athletic, and she was competitive, too, so fun neighborhood games turned into just...unfun contests of strength that she always won. And she was the kind of person who liked to make others laugh by making fun of everyone else. And yeah, I guess it kind of WAS bullying, but at the time I just thought she was kind of a dick. We were kids! She was fine in high school, and we played softball together, and while she was always a little rough around the edges, I just took it as a part of her personality.

But she had apparently been thinking about it! For years, it had bothered her. She laid it all out in those messages, talking about how horrible she had been to me. And at first I was kind of stunned, because I thought it was just kid shit, and here she was telling me in these messages that no, she actually really hated me, and she had been mean to me on purpose. She asked me for my forgiveness, and said that she’d spent years feeling sorry about it and finally needed to tell me everything. I can’t remember what I said. I don’t remember if I even responded. I just remember reading those messages and feeling SICK. Like...I suppose on some level I was glad that she felt sorry for it, but on the other hand, the fact that she had been specifically targeting me for no reason I could discern kinda fucked me up. I’m not a very intense person. My anxiety is one thing, but on another level I’m just...a very chill kind of lady. I don’t try to upset people. I like people to have a good time. I’m a good listener and I try to blend into the background because I’m shy. I’m just. Why would she feel the need to target me? What did I do?

And that’s kind of how these messages are making me feel now. I’m just...like, I’m a grown-up. I have a job. I pay bills. And I write fic and have enjoyed these past couple of months sharing fic with people. I’m not trying to make any waves. I don’t start shit. I don’t talk shit. I’ve made some cool friends, and I don’t think I’ve done anything particularly terrible. I’m so obviously a j/b fic author. Jaime Lannister is the first tagged character. Jaime/Brienne is the first tagged relationship. Like. I don’t click on Jon and Dany fic because I don’t want to read it. Even if it’s in the j/b tag, I skip it. I can’t understand why you would read enough of a jaime/brienne fic just to get angry when what you find is, in fact, soft on Jaime. I know my “so far up Jaime’s ass he’s seeing stars” tag is fairly recent, but a quick look at my author page would have told you everything! I can’t understand the mentality, or how you arrived at it, or why you would derive pleasure from making someone else unhappy. I’m glad you felt sorry for it. I hope that you feel better. I hope that next time you take a step back and reflect on what you’re doing. I hope you’re young, I really do, and I hope that the future treats you better and you find a happier and more creative outlet. 

I just, idk bud, I don’t really know what else to say lmao

#i debated responding to this for a long time #but I feel like #if it ISNT fake #I should respond to it in some way #im too tired for this honestly #and old???? im 30!!!! #also very funny that this happened the day after i posted about that high school friend stuff #because this feels similar in a way i hate!! #Anonymous

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 1x2 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

It has now been two weeks without new AWAE content, and the fate of the show is still uncertain, no matter what Moira might have said recently. She did say, however, that “you can return to it and it will always be here for you”, so let’s dive right into what I remember to be one of the darkest episodes in the whole series...

I said dark, and it’s dark, alright - even just in  terms of lighting. The cold open is almost black and white (with a lot more black than white), and fully deserving of the modifier “cold” (although that is just a technical term and there have been quite a few beautiful cold opens throughout the series). I’m not sure how I’m supposed to make it through this, but well, I made it once before, so why not?

I cannot imagine the intensity of the negative emotions Anne must have been taken over by in order to be rendered completely speechless. Not after she spoke some of her “25-cent words” even when she claimed to be in the depths of despair. Imagine how much worse she must be feeling now. Imagine that if you can, because it is beyond me. 

You know, one of the most horrific things about this episode in my memory of it was the man that claims to have been sent “by her family”. I mean, it is horrific to think what would have happened to Anne if she had gone with him, it is utterly horrific that there must be other kids out there who might fall prey to him, but something I hadn’t considered before is how horrific, though lucky at the time, it is that she doesn’t believe him because she has no family at the time. I mean, as much as I am... at odds with my family, to say the least, I couldn’t ever imagine a life without them. It must be so terrible, I don’t even have a word for it in my vocabulary of four languages. 

I don’t even want to think about what must be going through poor Matthew’s mind right now. The man has never been a parent in his life, thought he might become one to Anne for a little while, and now he seems to be losing her again. I do not want to watch my favourites suffer so much, and yet I will have to. I sent myself on this journey, and now I’ll have to go through with it. 

You know how much worse it feels to return to something bad after you’ve seen better? Anne might have survived the orphanage with at least half her sanity, but not after she’s seen Green Gables. We saw the way she viewed it and every single thing within it. Going back to that nightmarish place again after that...I don’t want to think about it. Gosh, even seeing her go back just to investigate her past in season 3 was so frightful, imagine how she must feel now that she thinks she’ll have to live there indefinitely... 

You have no idea how relieved I am to see this horrifying cold open is finally over. I might have to go back and watch the 3x5 cold open with Beekeeper Gilbert to fix me after this. Not that the rest of the episode promises to be much brighter... might as well focus on the intro.

As dark as this episode is, seeing my tiny boy Jerry for a minute brightens it a bit for me. See, this is what rewatching is for. When I was watching the episode for the first time, there was no way for me to know that Jerry would go on to become one of the little bright lights that this series would bring into my life. And now just seeing him in the middle of all the tragedy and drama of it all, just being there, not fazed by the whole situation... his neutral presence is kind of grounding for me. 

As Marilla delivers her worried speech, I’m getting flashbacks of 3x9, where she is in a similar situation - except she already saw Anne as her daughter at that point. Here, Anne still hasn’t quite grown on her, and yet she is so worried - but I mean, after all, it was Marilla who sent her away, only to realise her error immediately afterwards. That last one kind of reminds me of Anne in 3x10 ripping up Gilbert’s letter and then running down to put it back together. It’s kind of on a lower scale of importance than what is happening in this episode, but I can’t help seeing it as an Anne/ Marilla parallel. They really have much more in common than it might seem at first.

Sure, Rachel might be there to try and calm Marilla down and give her hope, but... “Boy!” He has a name, you know. Wouldn’t hurt to learn it, even if he’s just the hired boy (of course, he’s not “just” anything, he’s a honorary part of the family - even if he’s in no way there to replace Anne). Rachel has good intentions, but she annoys me most of the time. 

That one shot of Anne peeking through the leaves and branches... this episode might be dark, but it still has moments that are 100% my aesthetic. 

[Image credit: kissthemgoodbye]

Mr. Avery? Isn’t he the one who unknowingly helped Ka’kwet escape in 3x8? I don’t know much about this man, but what I know is he’s given a ride to both Anne and Ka’kwet, this being one of many similarities between the two. Seriously, I need a season 4 in which Ka’kwet is saved from that school.

Seeing Matthew go through all this when he doesn’t even know for sure if he’ll ever find Anne... heartbreaking. He really does love her already. A true kindred spirit. But seriously, that girl didn’t look like her at all, even from the back. She did remind me of season 3 Anne, though.

Seeing Anne so cheerful and her usual talkative self brightens my day, except I don’t know how long it’s going to last, and at this point I’m completely lost as to what she’s planning to do. But that’s what rewatching is for. 

Poor Matthew went through more in a couple of days than he’s been through his whole long life... possibly. I certainly hope so. And Marilla can’t even bring herself to speak (which isn’t as striking as when it was Anne, but still), and she’s going out of her way to take care of Jerry, as if to make up for how she treated Anne. The girl really shook up their lives in just so little time, didn’t she?

I will never forget what I thought when I first watched Anne recite poems at the station. I could never do that, I thought. People frighten me. But there is Anne, who has been hurt, abused, neglected by so many, and yet she keeps that bright big smile on her face and goes on reciting with the truest passion I’ve ever seen. I have no words to describe my admiration for her.

I cannot to this day believe Anne was willing to turn her back on Matthew - all until she heard the word “daughter” - spoken with such sincerity that she must have felt it in the depths of her soul. Poor old Matthew, who went through all this trouble just to find her again... and she was going to turn her back on him because having a family seemed too good to be true. Because she had been hurt one time too many. But this little word changed it all. It warms my heart, you know - seeing Anne find family in the Cuthberts, then in other people around her. I’m not crying, you are.

At several points after Anne came back, I could see Marilla was trying to apologise for accusing her of stealing the brooch - but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Because she’s obviously still overwhelmed with guilt over what happened to Anne after that. And my, you could cut the tension between the two of them with a butter knife. Just resolve this quickly, will you? It’s obviously making Matthew feel very uncomfortable.

Jerry’s attitude to Anne is killing me... in a positive way. As in, it makes me laugh. These two are such typical siblings - they just don’t know it yet. There’s a heartbreaking moment to it, though, and it will always be there: after seeing him so destroyed, so insecure in 3x7, every instance of him just being a shameless little deadpan snarker will be a slap in the face reminding me of the one single time he wasn’t. I’m not even sure if an apology on Diana’s part would fix this completely, but it wouldn’t hurt to try, now would it? #renewannewithane

Speaking of Diana, there she is now. And she’s so openly happy to see Anne back... I say openly because Marilla flat out refuses to show any emotion about it, and Matthew isn’t exactly know for his eloquent expression. And Jerry was all like “leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep here, and I stayed up late because of you”. So yeah, it sure is nice to hear someone openly express joy about seeing her back.

And of course, the Barries just have to ruin it all, don’t they? It’s surprising how open-minded Diana is with parents like these. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had turned out like Josie. And yet she’s not. How do these things happen?

I see Billy Andrews did not start out much better than he ended up... in contrast to Prissy, who did start out at the very bottom - “Doesn’t she have awful red hair?” Well, to say it in Diana’s tone, she didn’t choose to have red hair, did she? And she’ll try to change it with disastrous results. But there’s time for that. And for Prissy’s great character development.

That scene where Marilla finally apologises to Anne... it was a glimmer of gold in the pitch black atmosphere of this episode. I think Jerry deserves an apology scene at least half as good as this one. And Diana deserves it too, as she didn’t mean to hurt him so bad. The season 3 finale did us dirty in pretending like nothing ever happened between them. But as I said a little while ago, Diana was raised by her parents, so it’s understandable why she acted the way she did. I just think she deserves her character development to be acknowledged by getting a good apology scene with Jerry. We must make that happen. #renewannewithane

Oh, I had forgotten this happened in this episode! But what a beautiful, bright end to a dark and frightful chapter it is... Anne becoming an official Cuthbert. And there are all those little details hinting at the future... the cordial, the pen... my heart is melting.

“Anne Shirley- Cuthbert of Green Gables, nee Halifax” Goodness, Anne, you’re not marrying Green Gables! Speaking of marrying, it’s such a pity we’ll probably never get to see Anne add Blythe to her list of last names. But when that happens, I believe she won’t drop the Shirley- Cuthbert. I mean, it’s so beautifully symbolic. Shirley, her past and origin; Cuthbert, her present and the first real family she’s had (just because her birth parents were robbed of the chance to raise her); and Blythe, her future, her soulmate. Three whole families that she belongs to - the girl who once didn’t have any family but herself. I think that’s beautiful.

To sum up, in this episode we saw: lots of impenetrable darkness, literal and figurative; Matthew nearly getting himself killed while looking for Anne; Marilla nearly falling ill from worrying for both of them; Anne keeping her head up and earning her wages by performing poems and stories at the train station; Matthew calling Anne his daughter for the first time; Jerry’s grounding semi-detached presence amid the drama; Marilla coming to terms with what she did and apologising beautifully; most people of Avonlea not being quite convinced about Anne yet; Anne becoming an official Cuthbert.

#anne with an e #anne with an e season 1 #anne with an e s1 #awae #awae season 1 #awae s1 #renew anne with an e #renew awae #anne shirley cuthbert #matthew cuthbert #marilla cuthbert #jerry baynard #diana barry #jnk watches awae

[takerfoxx]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Season 4, Episode 6, First Impressions!

=ahem=

YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!

THAT’S MY GIRL! THAT’S MY SCORPIA! ALL HAIL PRINCESS SCORPIA!

=ahem=

Anyway...

So yeah.

Um...

SCORPIA!

Okay, okay, okay. So, as you might have picked up, Scorpia is kind of my favorite character, and when I checked out the names of this season’s episodes and saw that one of them was called “Princess Scorpia,” I’ve been marking down the days ever since. And it did not disappoint! In fact, it’s up there with Promise, White Out, and Roll With It as one of my favorite non-finale episodes. Mainly because the focus was all of my favorite subplots, and there was just so much wonderful character development.

Okay, so Scorpia’s obviously the star here, so we’ll do the good guys first. On their side, we get to see DT on the job, sowing chaos and bringing everyone’s issues to the forefront. It kind of reminds of The Yoko Factor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where Spike nearly tore apart the Scoobie gang not by creating problems, but by identifying pre-existing problems and just dropping tiny little comments here and there to make them bigger. Also, I got a kick about how Bow is such a peacemaker that DT was all like, “Shit, this guy is making me work!”

I have to say though, while I totally get why Glimmer feels the way she does, I am kind of on Adora’s side here. Like it or not, Glimmer is just too important to risk in the field. She’s the queen now, and that comes with it certain responsibilities that she has to adhere to for the good of her people. Which of course Shadow Weaver is targeting and bringing out. Kind of surprised that Adora and Bow haven’t staged a major intervention over Glimmer learning magic from Shadow Weaver instead of dropping a few snide comments. Like, this is a serious problem! Shouldn’t they be confronting it directly?

Also, total lol over DT pretty much having to drag that Horde soldier along with their performance. 

So anyway, here we get a deep look into Scorpia’s life. Like most of the kids in the Horde, she was raised into it from birth, in part because her family’s kingdom was where Hordak had originally crash-landed. It was fascinating to see just how much she’s been lying to herself about...well, everything. I mean, her morning routine involves pushing down her doubts and insecurities! And that trip to her family’s old royal hall...wow. The whole bit about her family “letting” the Horde stay when standing in the literal ruins of their home is very telling. She didn’t even know her grandfather’s name! 

It’s kind of a pattern with her. She’ll state something that’s obviously bad but put the best spin on it, even when that spin is obviously a lie, from her talk about how Catra’s just under a lot of stress and really does like her to everything about her family (what happened to her moms?!) to the Horde in general. Even Lonnie saw right through her bullshit, and she’s as indoctrinated as Scorpia is. 

Fortunately, Emily is around, and she is having none of that shit! I mean, it’s one thing to tell Scorpia that Catra’s not her friend and has become a bad person, it’s another thing to be able to provide visual aids when needed. Scorpia so desperately craved Catra’s friendship that she was willing to overlook every bit of cruelty, every insult, every...well, everything. Even Catra straight up telling her that they weren’t friends wasn’t enough to get through to Scorpia, but Emily showing her exactly what Catra did to Entrapta, who genuinely was Scorpia’s friend, finally did the trick.

You know, as clever as that broken piece of junk fakeout to save Emily was, I also think it was a test. Scorpia was giving Catra one final chance to do something decent for once in her life, and Catra completely failed. And Scorpia’s reaction...damn. I mean, “You’re a bad friend” doesn’t sound so bad on paper, but given both of their histories it just cut deep. Catra had no response at all, and did nothing as Scorpia walked away. 

It comes as no surprise that I was cheering for Scorpia the whole way. Sure, I shipped them early on and would love some kind of reconciliation, but Catra’s quite frankly a terrible person right now. She’s as toxic as Shadow Weaver was, though much less subtle about it. But Scorpia finally was able to break that cycle, break away from all those lies and abuse, and just walk away, to leave the Horde and set out to do the right thing, and that thing is going to find her only real friend Entrapta! 

As for Catra, she is completely cracking. Lack of sleep plus growing guilt complex plus lying to herself more than Scorpia was plus feeling like she was abandoned by everyone. I truly think that she took Scorpia for granted, that she expected Scorpia to stay and support her no matter how much she mistreated her. And when Scorpia just left, that made her crack even more. She’s going to implode, and soon. And honestly, that might be the best thing for her.

No, I don’t know what their super weapon is. Maybe some kind of giant pulse bot.

#she-ra and the princesses of power #she ra #adora #bow #glimmer #double trouble #scorpia #catra #entrapta #emily #reaction

[queenofcats17]

Epic

I’ve written BATIM fics to Hadestown songs before. But I recently rediscovered this song, and I wanted to write it. This video held a lot of inspiration too. 

This story is very much about my version of Joey, but the song works for many of them, I believe.

@halfusek ‘s Abomination also heavily influenced this.

Heavy and hard is the heart of the king King of iron, king of steel The heart of the king loves everything Like the hammer loves the nail

Joey Drew had long since convinced himself that the world was against him. A lifetime of bullying and ostracization had told him that no one was ever going to support him. The school had never done anything to help him. His parents had brought up the subject time after time, and the administration had said they’d do something. But they never did. Because he was different. The administration couldn’t very well tell the students not to beat up the sickly Jewish kid, right? After quite a while of this, his older sister Esther just started beating up those who dared hurt her brother. Of course, most had been quick to demonize her for this, but it had made Joey feel better. 

“You don’t need to beat them up,” Joey said as Esther cleaned off the fresh scrape on her knee. “Everybody just gets mad at you for it.” Their parents had told her off for getting into another fight, especially given she was about to go into high school. They were more worried about her than anything else, though, unlike the school administration. They didn’t know how much they could protect her. 

“So?” Esther didn’t look up, wincing a bit as she applied the rubbing alcohol to her scrape. “They hurt you, so they deserve to be hurt back.”

“But Ma and Pa are always really mad when you beat them up.” Joey hugged his knees, trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t care.” Esther looked up, her eyes meeting his. “You’re my brother and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” 

At the time, he’d felt comforted by her words. He felt better knowing that she was on his side. But then she’d gotten into high school, and she’d turned her back on him like everyone else. Suddenly she had responsibilities and expectations to uphold. Suddenly, she didn’t have time for him anymore. His parents weren’t much better, in his opinion. They too talked about expectations and responsibilities. 

“A career in the arts is rather risky, don’t you think?” They’d say. “Are you sure you’d be able to get by?" They were always talking about money, if he’d be able to make a living, if he’d be comfortable. Their families had had nothing when they’d come here. They knew what it was to be hungry. Their worry had nothing to do with his abilities. But to Joey, barely 18 and angry at everything, it felt as though they didn’t believe in him. So, he decided that he didn’t need friends nor family. Obviously, everyone would only abandon him in the end. They’d never believed in him anyway. If he wanted to be successful, he had to harden his heart. He couldn’t let anyone get in the way of his ambition. 

After Henry had left, he’d hardened his heart once more. He’d thought Henry would stay. He’d thought Henry would support him, would share in his dreams and be by his side forever. But Henry too had abandoned him. Everyone left in the end. And so Joey’s talk of dreams grew hollow. Not even he believed himself anymore.

But the heart of a man is a simple one Small and soft, flesh and blood And all that it loves is a woman A woman is all that it loves

He had moments of what he called weakness, of course. Moments where he missed his family, missed having friends, missed having people to support him. But he knew how to deal with those moments of weakness. He knew how to numb his feelings to make sure they didn’t bother him. Alcohol usually did the job well enough. He’d sit in his office, drinking until he couldn’t see or think straight. 

“You shouldn’t drink so much, sir,” Grant told him whenever he found Joey doing this. “It’s bad for you.” 

“Shut up,” Joey growled from behind his bottle. “Just give me the reports and get out.” There were very few who had seen him in this state. Grant was one of them because Joey knew Grant could keep his mouth shut. And so, Grant bowed his head, put the reports on the table, and left. 

Alone once more, Joey cursed his heart. No matter how hard he tried, these moments always crept up on him. Some little thing would happen and remind him of better days, of what he’d once had. He’d gotten rid of any reminders of Henry in the years after his friend had left, and no one dared speak Henry’s name for fear of setting Joey off. For all his smiles and talk of dreams, Joey was a cruel and unforgiving person. Sammy was the only one who could talk back to him without getting fired. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Drew?!” Sammy yelled, slamming his hands on Joey’s desk. 

“Is something wrong, Sammy?” Joey asked, trying to hide the slight slur in his words. That day hadn’t been a particularly good one. It was the anniversary of the founding of the studio, a reminder to Joey that the man he’d thought he could depend on had left him high and dry. Sure, Henry visited, he sent letters, but it did nothing to mend Joey’s broken heart. He’d coped with it the way he always did. By drinking. 

“You’re giving me two days to write three songs,” Sammy growled. “That’s not enough time and you know it.” 

“I’m sure you can do it,” Joey said dismissively. “If you can’t, I’ll find another music director.” Sammy was about to launch into a tirade but suddenly stopped. He leaned closer, eyes narrowed, and sniffed.

“Have you been drinking?” He asked, his voice softening. He looked genuinely concerned. Immediately, Joey felt rage well up in his chest. 

“That’s none of your business, Lawrence.” He snapped. “Are you going to get me the songs or not?” But Sammy was undeterred.

“Are you alright?” He asked, leaning on the desk. “You can tell me if you’re not.”

“I’m fine.” Joey gritted his teeth, forcing himself to smile. “Don’t you have songs to write? We’re on a deadline. I won’t have you missing it.”

“You’re not alright.” Sammy insisted. “I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Joey. What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I’m fine.”

Sammy drew back a bit, eyes narrowing in thought. Then recognition passed over his face. 

“Oh...” He stood up. “It’s the anniversary of the founding of the studio.”

“Yes, it is. But that’s not important.” Joey’s smile was so wide and so clearly forced it looked unnatural. “You should get back to work, Sammy.”

“You know you can talk to me if you need to.” Sammy moved to lean on the desk again, to get close to Joey. Joey shoved him as hard as he could, sending the music director stumbling backward. 

“I don’t need your pity. I’m paying you to work, not to hold my hand and play shrink.” He growled, letting the facade drop. “If you can’t do your job, I’ll find someone who can. Do you understand?” For a moment, Sammy looked hurt. Then his face settled into a mask of irritated indifference. 

“I understand.” His voice was monotone as he turned and left. Joey collapsed back into his chair, fishing out his nearly empty bottle of whatever booze he’d picked up from the liquor store. It didn’t matter what it was. Just so long as it got him drunk.

And Hades is King of the scythe and the sword He covers the world in the color of rust He scrapes the sky and scars the earth And he comes down heavy and hard on us

He taught himself not to care about other people, to put his own success and happiness first. Nothing else mattered as long as he survived and his name was remembered. He wasn’t a good boss, he knew that full well. He pushed his employees further than they were able to go, demanded more of them than he should have. Sammy and Grant were perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of him, the animators were overworked and underpaid, the studio was hemorrhaging money, and that wasn’t even touching on the absolute mess with Bendy Land. 

His employees talked behind his back, sure, saying that they didn’t understand what he was doing with the company. But when push came to shove, they were afraid of him. They’d do what he asked because he was the one with the power. He was king in this studio, holding their souls in the palms of his hands. Whether they liked it or not, they would give up their lives for the sake of his dream. Their lives were inconsequential. They didn’t matter. No one mattered but him. 

He was justified he told himself as he sliced Norman’s neck, the blood soaking into his white shirt and staining his skin rust red. The projectionist had been poking around, snooping in on Joey’s plans. He’d gone looking and had found the grotesque version of Bendy that the GENT Ink Machine had produced.

“You should have left well enough alone.” He whispered as he watched the light fade from the older man’s eyes. He didn’t enjoy this. The killing. He liked having the power over other people, but the process of killing was...messy. It wasn’t a pleasurable experience for him. Some part of him was sickened by the killing. But it was necessary. No one would stop him. 

He dragged Norman’s body to one of the coffins, setting it beside the one that held Susie’s body. She’d been one of the earliest sacrifices. So eager to reclaim Alice Angel. It still tickled him how easy it had been to manipulate her into giving up her life. Sammy had been furious with him, of course, but Joey had managed to talk him around to it. 

“She’s happy. She’s embodying the role she loves. Besides, now she’ll be young and beautiful forever!” Joey had told him. “She’ll never have to worry about losing roles because she’s getting too old or she’s not pretty enough. Don’t you want her to have security?” 

Susie was a sweet girl, but so terribly insecure. Both Joey and Sammy knew this. Her insecurity was what had driven her away from Sammy and into Joey’s arms. From what Joey could tell, she’d always been riddled with anxieties. Always afraid of not being good enough, not being pretty enough. She’d been voicing Alice Angel for years when Joey decided to replace her, so it was natural that she’d grow attached to the character. Of course, he didn’t really think Allison could do better. He just needed a reason to make Susie desperate. 

Allison herself had been rather unaffected by Joey, but that was only because Thomas had stepped in and protected her. Joey wasn’t sure if she knew what he’d done. She was always polite and courteous to him, so he imagined she didn’t. Still, she was much more confident in herself than Susie was, and thus harder to manipulate. She could be flattered, yes, but that only went so far. He knew he couldn’t seduce her the way he had Susie, nor could he prey on her insecurities. Her only weakness was Thomas, and Joey wasn’t eager to take on the other man in a fight.

It was their fault for falling for his manipulation, he told himself. If they were smarter, they wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Of course, most weren’t fooled by his act. They could see through his bullshit smiles and fine words. But those who did believe him...Well, he didn’t let them get away.

But even that hardest of hearts unhardened Suddenly, when he saw her there Persephone in her mother’s garden Sun on her shoulders, wind in her hair

Joey had known he was gay since he’d been very young. He’d learned quickly not to publicize his attraction to men, especially after he’d been mercilessly bullied for kissing another boy on the playground, but it was still there. No amount of suppression would make it just go away. When he’d been 18, his attempts to harden his heart were much less successful than he’d hoped, especially after he met Henry. The moment he’d laid eyes on Henry, his heart had melted. Henry had always been rather babyfaced, but as a fresh-faced college student, he’d been downright cherubic. 

The two of them had run into each other on their first day of classes. Joey hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, and neither had Henry apparently, so they’d run straight into each other. Joey wasn’t exactly in the best of moods, so he was prepared to scream at whoever had run into him. Until he saw Henry’s face. Henry was flat on his ass, his large glasses askew, his soft brown hair mussed in a way that was frankly adorable. He was wearing an oversized sweater, pants that were too big for him, and some beaten up loafers. He looked like just about every nerd Joey had gotten stuffed in lockers with, and yet infinitely cuter. His lips looked so soft and plush, and Joey just wanted to bury his face in the other boy’s fluffy hair. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” Henry looked distraught, trying desperately to gather up his and Joey’s books. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. I-”

“I-It’s okay.” Joey cleared his throat, helping to gather the books as well. “I wasn’t looking where I was going either.”

“I guess we were both lost in our own worlds, huh?” Henry smiled. And Joey’s heart melted. 

“Yeah.” Joey smiled back, a tad awkwardly. “Um, I’m Joey. Joey Drew.” He held out a hand to the smaller boy. Henry stared at the offered hand for a moment before gingerly shaking it. 

“Henry. Henry Stein.” His smile turned shy. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“So, um, which class are you headed to?” Joey withdrew his hand, shoving it in his pocket. 

Henry fumbled his books a bit to pull out his schedule. “Umm...Introduction to Art History, room 406.”

“Me too!” Joey’s face lit up. 

“Really?” Henry brightened as well. “What a coincidence!”

“Maybe we could sit together,” Joey suggested, a hopeful note in his voice. He hadn’t been able to make a lot of friends since he’d come to the college. It didn’t help that he was living in a ratty apartment a mile from campus because he couldn’t afford on-campus housing. 

“I’d love that!” Henry gave him a big smile, and Joey’s heart melted. 

The smell of the flowers she held in her hand And the pollen that fell from her fingertips And suddenly Hades was only a man With a taste of nectar upon his lips, singing: La la la la la la la…

Being Henry’s friend was the best thing that had ever happened to Joey. For what felt like the first time in his life, he had a friend. Henry was in his corner, no matter what happened. He was Jewish too, although Joey had long since abandoned his faith. Absolutely no one was allowed to know about that part of him. He wanted to make something of himself, and he’d seen how being open about their heritage and faith had affected his parents. Even his sister hadn’t publicized her faith. Sometimes Joey wished he could find the comfort in religion that Henry and his family did. It would have been nice to have something he could believe in. 

Henry wasn’t ashamed of who he was. He had none of the persistent self-loathing that Joey did. When they’d met, Henry had admittedly still been figuring himself out. But even as the two of them grew into adulthood, Henry showed no signs of developing any kind of self-hatred. He proved to be easy-going and calm, reigning in Joey’s more manic tendencies. The two of them worked well together, especially once the studio was set up. Joey had the charisma and silver tongue to get through the business parts, as well as quite a lot of ideas, while Henry supplied the actual content.

Joey was never happier than when he was with Henry. Henry was such a genuinely good person, always polite and kind to everyone he met. Or at least, polite. There were some cases where he didn’t particularly want to be kind. He made Joey want to be a better person, always pushing him in the right direction or to do the right thing. He relied perhaps a bit too much on Henry to be his moral compass. Henry had never been one for confrontation, something Joey only really noticed in passing. He didn’t often speak out against Joey, tending instead to keep his grievances to himself. After all, his grievances were always rather small. Just little things. But as time went on, his grievances began to build. Still, he kept quiet, always telling himself he’d bring his complaints up at a later date. 

Then they’d opened the studio together. Henry had been seeing Linda for nearly a year at this point. He’d met her when he and Joey were working odd jobs in order to get up enough money to start the studio. Joey hadn’t been all that fond of her at first but had relented his displeasure after seeing how happy she made Henry. He was also a little scared Linda would beat him up. She was a small woman, but she’d been working a factory job when they’d met her. 

“This is it!” Joey said, wrapping an arm around Henry and pulling him closer. “Our own studio!”

“It is pretty exciting, huh?” Henry grinned, unable to stop himself from laughing. 

“Come on! You have to see the inside!” Joey let go of him, fumbling out some keys and opening the door with a flourish. Joey’s expression was enough to send Henry into another wave of laughter. His friend very much resembled an excited child, eager to show their parent something they were proud of. 

He stepped inside, looking curiously around. The hallways still smelled faintly of sawdust. Everything was new and fresh, completely untouched. Henry almost didn’t want to venture further in for fear of sullying this place with his presence. 

“What do you think?” Joey asked, striding in behind him. 

“Well, it’s great so far.” Henry glanced back at him with a smile. His excitement continued as he entered what seemed to be the main lobby. Until he saw the company name plastered onto three reels. 

“Joey Drew...Studios?” His smile fell a bit. He turned to Joey, who was standing nearby with an eager look on his face. “Why is the studio named after you?”

“I thought you said you didn’t mind being out of the spotlight?” Joey’s eager expression dampened a bit.

“I don’t. It just...” Henry pursed his lips, then sighed and shook his head. “You know, nevermind. It’s not important.”

“Are...Are you sure?” Joey asked. 

“I’m sure.” Henry nodded. “Now show me the rest of the studio.”

“Well, alright.” Joey gestured for him to follow. 

The rest of the tour went well, but Joey couldn’t put that moment from his mind. Henry had seemed rather upset to see Joey’s name on the wall and not his own. But Henry had said that he didn’t mind being out of the spotlight. So what was the problem with it? He tried to put it from his mind and focus on getting the studio off the ground. 

Norman, Sammy, and Wally were some of the first few to be hired. Both Henry and Joey had become friends with Sammy after working at a bar where he played music. He was responsible for bringing in most of the band, since he had more contacts in that field. Wally and Norman, meanwhile, had responded to ads put in the paper by the studio asking for a janitor and a projectionist. 

At first, Henry was the only animator they had. Joey trusted no one else to draw Bendy and Boris. Henry had always had a tendency to work himself harder than he should, but with Joey relying on him like this he’d gotten even worse. The other employees would often come in to find that Henry hadn’t gone home, finding him asleep at his desk or drinking an ungodly amount of coffee in order to keep going. Everyone became rather worried about him, especially Linda. 

She came by the studio a lot to check on Henry. Joey heard her talking to Henry in hushed tones whenever she visited. Occasionally, she’d stop in to say hello to Joey and ask how he was doing, but more often than not she just made a beeline for her husband’s desk. Joey mostly tried to stay out of her way, but he had a bad habit of eavesdropping when it came to Henry. 

“I’m fine, Lin, really.” Henry’s words were slurred by his lack of sleep. “I just need to meet this deadline.” 

“You say that every time.” Linda sighed. “You can’t keep going like this. You’ll end up killing yourself.”

“I’m not going to die.” Henry laughed, but the sound was hollow. Joey felt his heart sink at the sound of Henry’s voice. God, Henry sounded so tired. He wasn’t killing his best friend, was he? He quickly shook his head. That was ridiculous. If Henry felt he was being overworked, he would have told him. And so he walked away, failing to hear the rest of Linda and Henry’s conversation. 

“Well, have you at least talked to Joey?” Linda asked, glancing down the hallway to the staircase that led to Joey’s office. 

“Not...yet.” Henry hunched his shoulders, drawing into himself. “But I will. I promise, I will.”

“Henry...” Linda cupped her husband’s face in her hands. “You can’t keep putting it off.”

“I know...” Henry averted his gaze but lifted his hands to touch hers. “I just don’t want to bother him. The studio’s just getting off the ground, so we’ve all been busy. It wouldn’t be fair for me to dump my problems on him.”

“If he’s really your friend, he’ll understand.” Linda pulled away. “I hope you’ll be home for dinner tonight.” She knew full well he probably wouldn’t be. But she could hope.

As more time passed, Henry’s grievances began to build. He tried to push them down, but he was almost at his breaking point now. No matter how hard he tamped them down, they rose up again, constantly at the back of his mind.

Joey relied on him far too much to push him in the right direction. 

Joey took credit for work Henry had done. 

Joey expected far too much of him. 

Joey took and took and took and never gave anything. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. When he entered Joey’s office, his friend was a little surprised. Henry had a rather grim look on his face, one Joey was rather sure he hadn’t seen before.

“Is something wrong?” Joey asked, quickly shuffling away his paperwork. 

Henry took a deep breath, leaning on Joey’s desk. “We need to talk.”

“We...We do?” Joey felt his stomach begin to sink. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Joey.” Henry continued, his eyes on the floor. “I haven’t seen Linda in weeks now, I’m working so hard I can't remember what it’s like to sleep on an actual bed. It’s just...It’s too much.” Joey stared at him for a moment, licking his lips. Why did his mouth suddenly feel so dry?

“I...I understand.” He managed to force the words out, putting on a shaky smile. “I’m so sorry, Henry. I didn’t know how much pressure I was putting on you.” 

Henry immediately relaxed, as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “I know this was supposed to be our dream, but I really need to find somewhere else. I can’t work for you. You’re my best friend. I can’t be strictly professional around you.” 

“I understand.” Joey nodded again, his smile staying in place. But Henry could tell his friend was forcing himself to put up a happy front.

“I’m not leaving you, Joey.” He reached out and took Joey’s hand in his. “I’m still going to be here for you. I’ll visit. I just can’t work here anymore.” Joey looked down at Henry’s hands, admiring the callouses on Henry’s fingers and the ink that forever seemed to outline the ridges of his fingertips.

“I know.” His voice was soft as he lifted his gaze to meet Henry’s. “I hope you’ll be happier elsewhere.”

“Thank you.” Henry squeezed his hand. “And I hope you make this the most amazing studio the world has ever seen.”

Joey wished he could believe him.

And what has become of the heart of that man, Now that the man is King? What has become of the heart of that man, Now that he has everything?

One could count on one hand the number of people who brought up how much Joey had changed.  Wally was one, but that was only because he tended to just say whatever was on his mind without thinking. Sammy was the one who brought it up the most often. He was one of the original employees, after all. He’d seen Joey’s slow descent into madness and wasn’t afraid to call him out on it. 

”What happened to your dream?!” He demanded after Joey had given him yet another impossible deadline. 

“What does the deadline have to do with my ‘dream’?” Joey asked coolly. Grant had delivered that month’s expense reports, so Joey was already in a rather sour mood.

“You’re practically a slave driver now!” Sammy slammed his hands on the desk. “You’re working everyone too hard and expecting too much of us! You used to care about the employees here! Now you just treat them like machines!”

“I do care about my employees.” Joey looked the slightest bit offended. “I’m simply pushing you all so you can achieve your true potential.”

“Our true potential.” Sammy scoffed, drawing away and folding his arms. “That’s bullshit.”

“Well, it certainly worked for Susie.” 

Sammy stiffened at the mention of Susie. He hadn’t been allowed to see her since her transformation into Alice. Joey had told him that Susie didn’t want to see him, which was partially true. He also didn’t want Sammy undoing all of his hard work and showing Susie how she’d been manipulated. 

“Is she...She’s still alright, isn’t she?” His voice was much softer and he wouldn’t look at Joey. His fingers began to twitch as he fought the urge to start fidgeting. 

“She’s fine.” Joey smiled, folding his hands on his desk. “Although, if you keep pushing me, she might not continue to be.” 

“Don’t hurt her.” Sammy’s eyes snapped up. 

“Then keep doing your work.” Joey’s smile widened. 

“I can’t do it,” Sammy said, giving in to his desire to fidget. “There’s too much to be done and not enough time.”

“You just have to believe, Sammy.” Joey’s voice was soft and soothing. “Have faith in me.” A flash of annoyance passed across Sammy’s face, but he said nothing. 

“If you do as I say, everything will be fine.” Joey continued. “Now go on. You have songs to complete.” He gestured to the door. Sammy gritted his teeth and hung his head. Without another word, he turned and left the office. 

Joey sat back in his chair, satisfied by this outcome. Perhaps, though, he should pay a visit to Alice. It had been a bit since his last visit. She’d been a bit...emotional the last time. She was still upset about the whole debacle with Allison, not to mention that she hadn’t come out ‘perfect’ enough to earn Joey’s praise. 

He filed away the rest of his paperwork and headed to where Susie was. She was a floor or two up, along with a few other transformed employees. It was a bit sad that no one had asked where Wally had gone. Perhaps they were all happier now that he wasn’t constantly chattering in their ears. He’d been a terrible mechanic too. Joey hummed to himself as the elevator screeched upwards. He saw Thomas talking to Allison on one of the floors and waved. Thomas gave him a poisonous glare. 

“Hey, Mr. Drew.” The employee in charge of watching the ink creatures greeted him when he stepped off. They were a skinny kid of indeterminate race and gender who called themselves Adrien Amsel. They tended to blend into the background because everything about them was brown, from their hair to their clothes. Joey had just kind of found them on the street and decided they’d be a good person to hire since they didn’t ask any questions or care about much of anything. They had something that was like a reception desk or guard post. It was just a desk with a chair. 

“Hello, Adrien.” Joey strode out of the elevator. “How is my angel doing today?” 

Adrien shrugged, their gaze mostly on their book. “I mean, she hasn’t started screaming or anything.”

There was music coming from inside, which was probably a good sign. Joey moved to the door, looking over at Adrien. The teenager flipped a page. They were reading a copy of Grimm’s Fairytales.

“Fairytales, hm?” Joey paused with his hand on the doorknob. 

“It was a present from my godfather,” Adrien said. “I thought it’d be rude if I didn’t read it.”

“Alright.” Joey turned back to the door. “You know what to do if things get out of hand.”

“Yep.” Adrien gestured vaguely what looked like a fire extinguisher at their side. It wasn’t really a fire extinguisher. It was filled with acetone. Susie’s body was made of ink now, so acetone was a good deterrent for...unwanted behavior. 

Joey smiled and walked in, closing the door behind him. He was rather pleased with the scene he found before him. Alice was sitting in the middle of the room singing while the other ink creatures played instruments. They couldn’t play well, since most of them had malformed limbs, but they were playing all the same. A chorus for an angel. Boris was playing the clarinet, but it was wildly out of tune. Alice stopped, gently slapping Boris’ back. 

“What happened to your musicality?” She asked. “You’re great at the clarinet!” Boris looked sheepish, hunching his shoulders. 

“Don’t give him too hard of a time,” Joey said, entering the room with the pomp and circumstance he thought was necessary. “He’s still getting used to this new world.” Boris moved away from Joey, whimpering. Or at least, he was trying to whimper. Joey had made sure he couldn’t make any noise. 

“Joey!” Alice immediately stood up. She was the perfect image of Alice. But without a halo. He needed to find some way to get her a halo.

“Hello, my darling angel.” Joey walked forward, cupping Alice’s face in his hands. “You’re as lovely as ever.”

“I thought...You said I wasn’t perfect.” Alice lowered her eyes shyly, her cheeks coloring.

“You’re not perfect yet, but we will make you perfect.” Joey rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “After all, you’re my angel.” Alice smile, but then quickly looked back at him.

“But what about Allison?” She demanded, taking Joey’s hands off of her. “You aren’t going to replace me again, are you? You haven’t come back in a while. How am I supposed to know that you didn’t just decide you could do better with her?!” The ink around her began to bubble, the ink making up her body began to dribble. Boris whimpered, backing up. 

“I won’t replace you,” Joey assured her, keeping his cool. “In my eyes, you’re the only Alice. I only had Allison take the role to see if it would drive up sales. Obviously, the world wasn’t fooled.” He took her hand again. “You are the only Alice Angel.”

“...You better not be lying to me.” Alice stared at him. She hadn’t been a dangerous person as a human. But ink creatures had certain powers. And Alice was a very powerful ink creature. 

“I would never lie to you.” Joey kissed her cheek. He was lucky Susie had always fallen for this sort of thing. Lucky that she’d never picked up on his unrequited crush on Henry. Boris watched him warily, holding the clarinet to his chest as though it would save him. Joey kept smiling.

Alice seemed satisfied by this, a smile returning to her face. She walked back to where she’d been sitting, arranging herself primly on her chair. 

“So, what brings you here?” She asked. “You never visit anymore.”

“Things have been...busy,” Joey said slowly, sitting down next to her. “I’ve been dealing with quite a bit.”

“You’re always working so much nowadays.” Alice rested her head on his shoulder. Her horns dug into his shoulder a bit. “Always so serious.”

“I suppose you’re going to bring up how I’ve changed, hm?” Joey let the bitterness slip into his voice. 

Alice pulled away, her brow furrowed. “Did someone else bring it up?”

“Sammy did.” Joey’s smile fell a bit as his irritation became plain. “Kept talking about how I’d forgotten my ‘dream’. All of this is for my dream! I push them so that they can achieve their true potential! So that we can all be better!” He slammed his fist down on the chair beside him. All the other ink creatures had shied away from him at this, especially Boris. But Alice stayed.

“You have changed. But it’s not a bad thing.” She said, smiling and taking his arm. “Sammy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He never did.” Her nose wrinkled in disgust for a moment. “You’re making dreams come true.”

“Yes, I am.” Joey smiled back. “And it’s all thanks to you.” 

She was such a fool for trusting him. It would only bring her pain in the end. 

The more he has, the more he holds, The greater the weight of the world on his shoulders See how he labors beneath that load Afraid to look up, and afraid to let go And he keeps his head low, and he keeps his back bending He grows so afraid that he'll lose what he owns But what he doesn't know is that what he's defending Is already gone

The bigger the studio got, the tighter Joey held to it. No one could say he didn’t love this studio. Everything he did was to ensure its success. But somewhere along the way, his love had become twisted. He loved the studio as a possession, something he could own, something he could use. He loved his workers not as people, but as tools. Everything within the studio walls was his, and woe to anyone who tried to take what was his. The employees could call him incompetent all they liked. He was in charge. He couldn’t let this studio fail. He couldn’t. If he failed, then those who had doubted him would be right. He wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction. 

He became controlling, demanding perfection from everyone in the studio. 

Bertrum and Lacie tried to take it away from him. Bertrum had threatened to quit, to take all his plans and go elsewhere. He and Joey had been having an argument about it near the elevator shaft on Level S. Bertrum had his plans and blueprints shoved in a bag and clutched to his chest. 

“Bertie, please, you can’t leave.” Joey’s smile was forced and fragile. He felt he might snap at any moment. He knew he probably wasn’t going to get Bendyland off the ground. Not with Grant dead. They’d found the accountant hanging in his office. The pressure had gotten too much for him.

“Let me go, Mr. Drew!” Bertrum snapped. “There’s no point in me staying! This park clearly isn’t going to happen!” 

“It will happen! It will!” Joey was practically begging now, trying to grab at Bertrum as the park architect dodged him.

“You’re deranged!” Bertrum yelled. “A fool! I never should have agreed to work for you!” For a moment, Joey saw red. A fool?! He’d show him a fool! Before he knew what he was doing, he’d shoved Bertrum into the elevator shaft. He stood there, staring into the darkness, listening as the architect’s body hit the bottom of the shaft. He felt...relieved. Bertrum had been so irritating! Always questioning him! But Bertrum was gone now. 

“Bertie? I’ve got the rest of your....papers.” Lacie came walking up with another bundle of papers. She trailed off when she saw Joey standing in front of the shaft, Bertrum’s papers scattered about. She looked at Joey and she knew what he’d done. She dropped the papers and ran at him. All Joey had to do was step out of her way. Even then, she managed to grab one of his suspenders as she went by. If she was going down, she was taking him with her. Joey barely got a hold of the post on the edge of the shaft, and the jerk nearly sent him tumbling down. The only thing holding Lacie up was Joey’s suspender, and it wasn’t very strong. Lacie knew this. 

“I hope you rot in Hell, Drew.” She growled. Then the suspender snapped. Joey managed to pull himself back onto the landing. He sat there for a little, composing himself, then he threw the rest of the papers into the shaft. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself. It was all going to be fine. 

It wasn’t fine. He’d underestimated just how badly in debt they were. Esther was the one to give serve him the bankruptcy papers. Her firm wasn’t handling the case, but she’d wanted to serve it to him. She’d wanted to help him. Her eyes were tired and pleading and she promised she would help him. He didn’t want her help. He didn’t want anyone’s help. He had to find some way to fix this. He couldn’t lose everything he’d worked so hard for. So...He panicked. No one was going to take this away from him. No one. Everything here was his, everyone here was his. They would die for his dream. They had to. 

On the last official day of operation, Joey locked the doors to the studio and went down to where they kept the twisted copy of Bendy. He wasn’t allowed near the other creatures as they’d found he tended to...dissolve other ink creatures. He opened his spellbook and began to chant. He’d held a goodbye party in the breakroom, with provided cake and coffee. Everyone had gotten something. They hadn’t even noticed the inky taste in everything. As Joey chanted, the employees began to feel strange. Soon enough, they began to vomit, shocked and horrified when they saw they were throwing up ink. The ink continued to pour out of them, starting to consume them. The employees screamed, scrambling for the doors. Their panic and fear spiked when they found the doors were locked. Joey could hear their screams even from where he was. 

“This is my studio.” He said, closing the book. “No one is taking this away from me.” Bendy tilted its head to the side curiously. 

“Tommy said you needed a soul.” Joey smiled. “So I’ll give you a soul.” He wrapped his arms around the demon, allowing the ink to spread over him, consuming him whole. He’d wanted to live forever. Now he would. 

Where is the treasure inside your chest? Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth? Where is the man with his hat in his hands? Who stands in the garden with nothing to lose, singing: La la la la la la la…

It was all over now. The studio he’d worked so hard to build had crumbled, leaving him trapped in a hell of his mistakes, gazing out over his crooked empire and the people he’d destroyed. The dreams were gone. Had it been worth it? Had his actions been justified, in the end? 

He’d brought his creations to life, hadn't he? They walked and talked and breathed and thought, didn’t they? But...No. They didn’t.  Bendy had been born without a soul, and Joey’s fusion with him had produced a twisted and horrifying monstrosity. He’d taken Boris' voice, and all subsequent Borises lacked voices as well. Alice’s mind was fractured due to an ill-fated run-in with Joey himself. The Butcher Gang were twisted mockeries of their animated counterparts. None of it was right. None of it was the way it was supposed to be. And he knew it was his fault. He’d been so unwilling to let his studio go he’d turned it into a horror show. 

“You just have to believe.” He’d said that before, in an audio log. He wondered if he’d ever actually believed that before he’d adopted that persona to manipulate his workers. Henry had believed. Henry had always believed. Henry had always pushed him to do the right thing. Without his family there, Henry had been his moral compass. 

“He should have pushed harder.” He growled to himself, trapped within the ink, surrounded by the reminders of how he’d failed. Henry should have done something. Henry should have stopped him. Henry should never have left. If he could just get Henry back...Henry would fix things. Henry would put everything right! All he needed to do was get Henry back into the studio. Henry had the heart that Joey needed. Henry had always been the soul of the studio. If he could just get Henry back, then everything would be fine. It was Henry’s fault that this had happened, anyway.

But deep down, Joey knew that this was his fault. All of it was on him. He’d lost sight of what he and Henry had sought to create together. He’d lost sight of his dream, his happiness. He should have listened to the others, should have accepted their help, should have acknowledged his own shortcomings. He was in too deep, though. He’d become too wrapped up in his own ambition. He couldn’t just admit his mistakes now. And so, in the ink, he let his anger fuel him. The young man who’d stood side by side with Henry was gone. There was only a monster now. 

La la la la la la la…

La la la la la la la…

La la la la la la la…

#bendy and the ink machine #fanfiction #joey drew #henry stein #esther klein #esther drew #tw: alcholism #tw: murder #tw: violence #tw: death #tw: drinking #sammy lawrence #linda stein #bertrum piedmont #grant cohen #lacie benton #susie campbell #alice angel #wally franks #boris the wolf #tw: suicide #tw: vomit #tw: body horror

[maureenbrown]

spy au w/ saphael

war with love

so simon is a spy and everything

he gets sent to be roomies with raphael and befriend him

and then to go to a wedding where valentine will be there and take him out

and at first everything is cute! and domestic and fluffy!

like they meet in chapter one and backgrounds are established

and in chapter two they get a little bit more domestic where simon is a night owl and raphael has these late shifts and falls asleep on simon

and then theres a city tour!! and near the end there is this open mic singing thing and so obviously they go bc simon and raphael sings and simon is just w o w

meeting!! raphaels!! friends!! and learning more about the past. and this wanting to learn spanish for raphael and also a fancyish meal

raphael learns that simon is learning spanish and teases him lke a lil loser but is also really happy. then they find vida mia snow and sim gets sad bc he doesnt wanna leave raphael ever

then theres more opening up (via viddia atta girl) and their first kiss and stuff. or maybe that hapens in the last chapter idk. simon also gets a job at a flowers place NERD

he gets flowers for like. everything

they go out shopping and also they go out clubbing and simon gets drunk and he makes out with someone who isnt raphael and has sex by mistake

bc now they’re exclusive and raphael is sosososo upset and that trust is betrayed

and they fight and simon feels like shit and he almost leaves bc valentine isnt worth this pain

but he stays. raphael is worth it. vidia is worth it.

its super awkward tension bt it slowly defuses down and raphael finally is willing to talk

and he forgives simon bc he will always forgive simon

and they fall into a familier patter and simon finally meets raph’s family

and then its the pre wedding days where again flower everywhere and theres a job loss confession on raphael’s behalf poor bby

they get matching outfits and simon is reminded of his mission and so he does it well and thats good

and wedding day huge slurs are also thrown around a possible fight but its all okay.

and then simon finds out raphael is an assassin and his next mark is simon so he runs with vidia.

end of war with love.

relationships with other characters

magnus bane

magnus knows both parties and will not take sides

he consoles raphael and his heart goes out to simon

when raphael decides to leave the orginzation magnus supports him and gives him lita

raphael spends years looking for simon but he never asks magnus bc he would never pressure his friend like that

he also knows about lita and loves her and is like a father to her

lightwood siblings

alec finds out thru magnus and after a while he listens

and he realizes that yeah raphael is a lil shit but hes alsoa good person

not all monsters do terrible things and so he develops a relationship and in actuality he also uses raphael to make sure simon and his family stay safe

eventually izzy finds out bc alec can never keep anything fro her

and izzy and raphael!! have a great friendship!!

they speak spansh to each other and are so comfortable with each other and are so good in fighting and sparring

and its so awkward when simon finds out that they knew this whole time but never said anything

but neither of them would betray the other bc friendship

clace

they never knew about raph

and are super pissed with simon

but they work with him and as time goes on they get a little bit easier with him

mydia

so this is in another universe and like mia and raphael have a pretty damn good relationship

and he tells her and she comforts him when hes at his lowest

she and lydia have a thing and its so secretive no one knows [but raph, and magnus. and simon shh]

and lydia is besties with simon in this universe and kinda found out on accident??

shes a spy ffs she overheard some shit and investigated

it led to a h u g e mydia fight

regardless they made up and they also kinda know the story individually and arent taking sides

they just love both people want want the bet i love them

mia and vidia get along great once the initial shock is over tbqh its awesome

and like mia and lita already besties so its a+

vidia mia rose [backstory]

so saphael fund this poor baby girl all abandoned and obviously took her in

simon wanted to name her after a disney fairy FUCKING NERD but raphael wanted to name her after his sister and so they came to a compromise where her first name would be vidia and her middle name mia after IZZY!! SISTER! OC!!! and her last name snow bc they found her on a bench and she was so delicately wrapped she looked so soft

they took her in and raphael is really good with kids with and simon is so!!

her mother couldnt take care of her she left a note and its so movie-like its almost sounds fake.

since they dont know her birthday they decided it would be on the day they found her.

gay. as. hell.

BIRTHDAY:

FANCAST: zendaya

vidia mia rose [personality]

nicknames include: dia, viddie (it was a dumb nickname by jace bye) and mini mia or mm! by raphael and lita calls her snow (no one else)

shes likes a gryffindor - ravenclaw

like a hanna marin x aria montgomery

shes extremely stubborn in her eays and refuses to back down even if she knows that shes in the wrong

and like really reckless and does dangerous things just for the fun of it

she also would die for her friends and family (she hates that raphael is a part of that)

and like really quick witted which is why she and lita clash so much at first

and shes so lazy but knows randm facts about random things

shes so into history and loves analyzing things bye

shes also really gifted musically wise like she can sing and since simon always sang and played guitar she did too

but there s some raphael in her like she ended up playing piano instead. and like i said really protective and quickwitted

she wants to be remembered for something and wants to do great things but also?? nothing is special about her (or so she thinks)

tales of a fairy;; vidia mia snow

lita aubree snow [backstory]

she was in the system and it sucked

so she ran away and tried to pickpocket magnus bane and obviously failed

but he saw the potential in her and didnt wanna turn her into a spy so he gave her to raphael and she became like his right hand man

shes met all of his family and has trained with him and honestly?? there is no one she trusts more

she doesnt see him as a father figure tho. like a teacher yeah mentor would be the better word

and she thinks that she owes him everything

raphael sees her skill set bc obviously she can thieve p well and he hones in the pick pocketing better. and shes also a grifter

she loves raphael, she loves the family that she found on her own

even tho shes hella insecure about who she is and why her parents dont love her

BIRTHDAY:

FANCAST: janella salvador

lita aubree snow [personality]

nicknames include: lina, las, or any of her other identities, bree (usually raphael only), and when she and vidia are going at it, mine or reeree [aubREE] bc nERDS

shes like raphael and magnus a huffie slytherin

like sophie deveroux but more sarcastic x alison dilaurentis?

shes really patient and can wait to get what she wants. and can enetrain herself for hours/days

shes really charismatic people are just drawn in, and they /want/ to meet her

and thats where her manipulative side comes out like gets people to trust her and then uses it to her advantage

she teases and knows how to use people. shes so cunning and also doesnt know who she is

shes a grifter and has so many facades but who is she really? is she a good person? lita is so insecure about herself and its the worst she gets really bad

shes hardworking and puts her heart and soul into things and also will defend the people she loves

and thats where she and vidia clash so much

shes also really flirtatious (thanks to magnus) and flirts with everyone bc secrets and she likes to hook up

it takes a lot to get her trust and if you break up you done son.

she wants to be someone people whisper about years from now but. is she a good enough person?

pansexual and hooks up with anyone cute

flowers blooming in winter;; lita aubree snow

fairys and flowers destroy each other

battlescars  young god  anything you can do i can do better  give your heart a break  

#clearing out drafts

[lifesizehysteria]

United We Stand | An AdamsFoster Fic

Prompt: (Day 30) “If you insist”

A/N: For day three of the #elitewritingchallenge. I decided to do the prompts in the order they inspire me rather than in numerical order since I’m not staying on schedule anyway. 

A/N: This is the haunted house story that precedes the flashback in The Night Before Christmas. It was cut from that fic because it didn’t feel necessary but I’d written it and wanted to share it. So I held onto it until I was able to tweak it into a full, standalone one-shot. This prompt seemed like the perfect opportunity to share it.

“Look, look!” Brandon pulled at Stef’s hand and pointed through the rows of white tents and food carts, toward a haunted house on the other side of Fall Fest. “Can we go? Please, please, please?” Brandon danced before his moms, his hands folded under his chin as he begged.

“Maybe not today, B,” Lena said.

Brandon’s face was already forming a pout. “Why not?”

Lena looked down at the two children who stood between her and her partner. She couldn’t see how this could possibly be a good idea. They’d only been fostering the twins for a few months but the alarm bells sounding in her head made her very wary about how either of them would handle a haunted house. A shared glance over their heads told Lena that she and Stef were on the same page.

Stef turned to Brandon. “I think maybe it’s a little too scary, bub.”

“I’m not scared!” their son declared and puffed out his chest.

“You’re not the only one here,” Stef reminded him. Brandon was still adjusting to having siblings and he wasn’t always good about considering their feelings.

“Well, if they’re scared, can’t you just take me by myself?” he complained with a scowl.

“Brandon,” Stef warned.

“I wanna go too! I’m not scared!” Jesús piped up, breaking from beside his sister to join Brandon.

Lena looked at Stef again, trying desperately to communicate through near imperceptible facial expressions and telepathy.

Finally, Stef shrugged. “I guess, if you both really want to go, I can take the two of you through the haunted house.” Lena cleared her throat and looked to the ground to stifle her shock. Clearly the telepathy had not worked. “Mariana and Mama can meet us at the end.” When Stef looked to Lena for agreement on the compromise, there was a No on the tip of her tongue but Mariana broke in first.

“If they’re going, I’m going, too,” her little voice chirped.

Lena touched the girl’s shoulder. “You don’t have to go, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

When Mariana looked up at her, determination flashed in her eyes. “I want to. I’m not scared.” With her chin jutting in the air, she marched over to take up rank next to Jesús.

The three stood in a line of protest — defiant and unmoving, demanding their right to be scared out of their minds.

Stef threw her arms out to the side in surrender. “Okay. If you insist.”

The boys whooped with delight while Mariana’s face paled.

“Last one there’s a rotten egg!” Brandon slugged Jesús on the arm to give himself a head start as the boys took off in the direction of the attraction.

“Hey, wait for me!” Mariana called and ran after them, her fear forgotten at the threat of being the rotten egg.

Stef looked helplessly at Lena.

“I guess we’re all going,” she said with far more amusement than Lena felt. When they looked back in the direction of the kids, they were already alarmingly far ahead. “Hey, hey! Slow down! No running!” Stef called out a warning as she followed them in a brisk jog, leaving Lena standing alone.

“I guess we are,” Lena said to herself before trudging in the direction of her family who were all barreling toward this terrible, terrible idea.

By the time Lena caught up to her brood, Stef had managed to wrangle the boys as much as one can contain a whirlwind. At least they were no more than a few feet in front with Mariana lagging behind them and Stef bringing up the rear. The boys were trying to one-up each other with the possible horrors that awaited them in the haunted house. They had quite the imaginations and as each new suggestion was more gory and detailed than the last, the distance between them and Mariana continued to grow.

“I can’t believe you agreed to this,” Lena hissed as she came up beside her partner. She walked with her arms crossed tight over her stomach.

“I’m sorry, love,” Stef whispered back. “How was I supposed to know she’d want to go?”

“She doesn’t want to go,” Lena scoffed, shaking her head, wondering how Stef couldn’t see that. “She just doesn’t want to be left out. And even if she did, I don’t think a haunted house is a good idea.”

“Okay, sure, maybe it’s not ideal but I don’t think it’ll be that bad. We went with Brandon last year.”

“Yeah, Stef, and he ended up sleeping in our bed for a week.”

“Sure but look at him now.” She gestured toward him as he pretended to projectile vomit while Jesús was doubled over in a full belly laugh. “It obviously didn’t traumatize him or he wouldn’t be dying to go this year.”

“Brandon has had a very different life than Mariana and Jesús have,” Lena stated, her tone bordering on condescension. They may not have been fostering the twins for very long but Lena already knew that Mariana, though courageous in the truest sense of the word, was a highly sensitive soul. She was such a clever girl with a keen imagination and some very deep-seated insecurities that her short yet troubled life had given her. That coupled with an environment meant to elicit fear was a recipe for disaster. And Lena wasn’t too eager for Jesús to go through, either.

“I am aware of that, Lena,” Stef replied, her words terse in defense.

Lena softened. “I just don’t want to put them through anything that’s…” She paused, searching for the right words. “They’ve finally started to feel safe with us and I don’t want to undo that.”

“Neither do I. But sweetheart, as much as we want to, we can’t protect them from the whole world and trying to is just going to end up hurting them more in the end. We have choose when to protect them and when to give them the space and the agency to make mistakes. If that means we deal with a week of nightmares, then we’ll deal with it.”

Lena exhaled and let her arms fall to her sides. She knew that if their roles had been reversed, she would have told Stef exactly the same thing.

“So you do listen to me sometimes,” she teased, moving closer to slide her hand into Stef’s, their fingers lacing together.

Stef gave a nonchalant shrug, a smug glint in her eye. “Sometimes.”

Lena shook her head, her face alight with laughter. “Do I sound that pretentious when I say things like that?”

“I plead the fifth.” Stef winked and nudged Lena with her shoulder.

The two women closed the distance between themselves and the kids as they approached the line for the attraction. The boys were still going with the graphic predictions as they queued up to wait their turn.

“Boys.” The single word was a stern warning from Stef.

Jesús dropped the conversation without question, hanging his head a little, but Brandon looked at her, affronted. “What, Mom?”

“That’s enough.” Noting her seriousness, he huffed but relented as he turned away.

“There are lots of other kids around and we don’t want to scare them,” Lena clarified. After the explanation, Jesús’ head perked up. He had a real tendency to lay blame on himself for any and all minor behavioral corrections. Since noticing, Lena had been making a conscious effort to offer more explanations along with corrections and so far she had noticed quite an improvement.

The line moved at a steady pace. Groups were being let in about three minutes apart. The three children were involved in a game of I Spy, which kept them occupied as they waited. Lena and Stef stood behind them, touching at the shoulders and sharing snippets of conversation between lengths of easy silence. As they neared the front of the line, the sounds from inside the house began to reach them. Squeals and shrieks drifted out of the makeshift building and with each one, Mariana looked more apprehensive. By the time the family before them entered, the little girl’s back was rigid and her hands were balled in tight fists by her sides.

Lena nudged Stef with her elbow, nodding her head in the direction of their foster daughter.

“You alright, sweet pea?” Stef asked. Mariana jumped at the question but turned her head over her shoulder and nodded, her black ponytail rippling down her back.

In the presence of Mariana’s trepidation, the family grew quiet during the rest of their wait. Lena chewed the inside of her lip. She wanted so badly to yank her out of the line for her own sake. As if she could read Lena’s mind, Stef’s hand slipped into hers, affording her strength with a gentle squeeze. If only that telepathy had been working earlier; they wouldn’t be here now.

“Okay, folks. You’re up.” The gentleman working the attraction beckoned them forward. He rattled off his script like a seasoned flight attendant. “Remember, keep your hands to yourselves; no touching, no running, and certainly no hitting. You’re here for thrills, they’re here for bills; the monsters are people, too. Have fun and happy screams.” He waved them toward the entrance and the two women held their breath, waiting for Mariana to move. She didn’t.

“C’mon, Mariana,” Brandon urged. He was inching closer to the entrance, impatient after waiting in line so long.

Mariana’s feet had taken root in the grass.

When the host looked expectantly from her to the two women, Lena offered an apologetic wave. “Sorry. Just give us a minute.”

“Can I let the next group go?”

“Of course. Thank you,” she said as she knelt down on one knee beside Mariana. “It’s okay if you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared.” Her quiet voice trembled, giving herself away.

“You know, I get scared too, sometimes. Especially when I don’t know what to expect.”

The girl’s brown eyes were bright with worry and curiosity as she looked at Lena. “You do?”

“Yeah. All the time.”

Mariana fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “Are you scared now?”

Lena nodded. “A little bit.” Of course, it wasn’t the haunted house itself that scared her but she kept that detail to herself. “Are you?”

The girl’s eyes dropped to the ground and she hesitated before nodding her head.

Jesús took his sister’s hand before Lena had a chance to speak again.

“If you’re scared, we don’t have to go.” His disappointment was obvious when he looked with longing at the dark entrance in front of them but his jaw was set with certainty. Lena felt a tightness around her heart at the touching gesture. He was alway so willing to sacrifice for his sister.

“Yeah, it’s okay if you don’t wanna go.” Brandon stepped in front of them, facing Mariana with his hands on his hips. “It’s just a lame haunted house. It’s probably not even good.” Pride swelled in Lena’s chest at her son’s sudden change of heart and she shared a quick look with Stef who seemed just as surprised as Lena. Maybe he really was getting a hang of this big brother thing.

Mariana looked between Brandon and her brother, her mouth pursing as she considered his offer. Finally, she shook her head.

“I wanna go. I won’t be scared if you guys are with me,” she said and reached for Brandon’s hand. United, the three turned toward the haunted house, their hands linked while they waited for their turn. Lena shared a look of love and pride with Stef as she returned to her side. She took her hand and squeezed it gently, grateful despite herself that Stef had agreed to this terrible, wonderful idea.

#elitewritingchallenge #adamsfosterfic #the fosters #adamsfoster #otp: adamsfoster #written by lifesizehysteria #fanfiction

[sepublic]

Gus Porter and Amity Blight

          It’s fascinating, really… Writing about Gus and the Blight Twins interacting, I realized more and appreciated just how similar Gus and Amity are, while still being different- Like two sides of the same coin! Which ties back to another post I made, giving Gus the elemental motif of Water, which led to my speculation on how this might character a relationship with Amity and her Fire (amidst Gus being a counter to Boscha’s Fire).

           Gus and Amity are both precocious kids, sure… There’s this idea that they DO enjoy learning, and have a family lineage they’re ‘proud’ of. These kids are intelligent, and they come across as confident… But admittedly, there’s a bit of loneliness, of not being heard/taken seriously. But despite having more family members, Amity’s loneliness was a lot more damaging and potent, and her issues of not being heard came from her family members dismissing Amity herself! Whilst with Gus, this mostly came from his peers, who were older than him anyway and thus had more ‘reason’ to underestimate the kid.

           Not to mention, Gus and Perry clearly get along, because even if Gus DOES have some insecurity, here or there… He IS a person and so of course he’s going to have ‘flaws’, just like anyone else! Not to downplay them or anything of course. But it’s obvious that ultimately, Gus is happy, confident, and self-assured, and he knows who he is and doesn’t have to hide it, or be different from it despite being an Illusionist… In contrast to Amity, who clearly isn’t happy with who she is, feels like she has to make up for it, and wears a ‘mask’.

           Gus uses his Illusions to bolster, to show off, and to enhance his own identity, while Amity hides who she is, telling herself to shut up and be a quiet and obedient kid who doesn’t stick out amidst the rest of her family, she’s ashamed of herself. Amity dyes her hair because of what Odalia told her, and she actively sees herself as someone to change and ‘improve’ upon, in order to live up to the Blight family standard… But Gus? Gus is happy with himself because the Porter lineage consists of dweebuses… They’re people who are happy with who they are, and they’ve transmitted the same sentiments towards their children!

           Gus looks up to Perry, but it’s a healthy relationship… He genuinely admires his father because of his own choice, because Perry was good and kind to him! But Amity, she looks up to her parents because they made her dependent upon them, they indoctrinated her… They made Amity base her self-worth upon their approval. The Blight name is a curse to Amity, a reminder that she’s never good enough; Whilst the Porter name tells Gus that whoever he is, that’s valid and he should be proud of it!

           How fitting then, is it, that Gus helps lead the rebellion against Belos alongside Willow and his father Perry, who seems intrigued by what his kid has to say; Whilst Odalia and Alador would never listen to what Amity has to tell them! Gus is the one who is reassured of his own self-worth, that he’s perfectly valid as is, by the Oracle Orb… while Amity still has doubts over herself, even if Luz IS helping her overcome this. Amity is of a higher-class, nobler status in life, she comes across as more presitigous as a top student and tries a lot…

           But Gus, who definitely DOES participate, is still a lot more talented, and managed to ascend a few grades when Amity couldn’t, and is still happy with learning at school. Gus’ life comes across as less glamorous, he had less friends with just Willow, and then Luz… But those friends ended up a lot closer and more genuine to him than Boscha and her group were to Amity. And in the end, Gus gained even more friends through Eda and King… And while Amity ‘lost’ Boscha and the others, she alsojoined in on the friend group with Gus! So they have each other in a sense, because actual friendships are reciprocal and two-way.

           They both had a passion for an extra-curricular activity that they were in charge of, too; Amity had the Hexside Banshees, Gus had the Human Appreciation Society! And both willingly ousted themselves from membership entirely from said group, despite their legitimate enjoyment of it. Gus and Amity did so because they ‘paid the price’ for hurting someone else… in Amity’s case, this was herself being too critical of herself for accidentally injuring Boscha and Amelia with the Thorn Vault.

          With Gus, he DID accept the consequences of his genuine mistake, and by doing so, allowed Luz to enroll in Hexside! Amity only hurt herself, but Gus ended up helping Luz and his relationship with her and others in the end. Finally, Amity’s departure was wholly her own decision, while Gus was somewhat forced to leave because of Mattholomule’s antics, and Principal Bump’s punishment. Either way, what Amity did was bad for herself, while what Gus did was a moment of maturity and growth!

          It works with how Water and Fire are polar opposites, but they’re also intertwined with one another… Gus is the ideal to Amity’s life. He’s not as extreme in his differentiation as Luz and her colder Ice, so there’s still plenty of similarities… Just as Luz reflects Amity in one way, so does Gus in the other! He’s an Amity who is happy with himself, who has a family lineage he can actually enjoy and be a part of, etc. The more I think of it, the more fascinating it is to me, how similar yet different the two are; Especially since Gus and his motif of Water provided unconditional friendship to Willow, in the wake of Amity and her Fire damaging the girl’s self-esteem.

          And while Amity and Gus have their academic skill and surprising ‘maturity’ acknowledged… Amity’s maturity is superificial, more blind and quiet obedience than anything else, while Gus’ maturity is real and applies to his self-worth. Not to mention, Amity’s ‘maturity’ causes others to not see her as a kid who still needs emotional support and has insecurities, whilst other people recognize Gus as still being young and needing help; But at the same time, they don’t infantilize him! Gus has needs, sure, but he also has a lot to offer. People generally seem more fixated on what they can do for him, VS Amity’s parents asking so much of her.

           Sadly, the interactions between Gus and Amity have been practically zero. I guess I can’t blame Gus, he’s seen how terrible Amity was towards Willow, so he might be reluctant to know her personally… And similarly, Amity is too shy and reserved to extend friendship readily, already has this with Luz, and might be afraid of disappointing Gus, amidst him having witnessed Willow’s abuse longer than Luz did. To Amity, who was likely afraid of losing Luz’s opinion of her when Willow’s memories came into play; She probably assumes that Gus has a bad opinion of her.

           Whether or not he does, I can’t say for sure… But the kid seems too good-natured and open to bear a grudge. At the very least, Amity has improved a lot, and Gus has been busy in other interactions, such as with Eda, King, and regrettably, Hooty. But if they DID interact in Season 2, I’d love to see Gus and Amity take note of the comparisons and dichotomy of their lives… Perhaps Amity becomes envious of Gus, or at least wishes she had what he does, while deciding to look after the kid- She doesn’t want him to become like her!

           Gus realizes that Amity is unfortunate… He better appreciates his relationship with Perry, as if he doesn’t already, and I can see him offering a lot of confidence to Amity! Maybe helping her relax, listen to what she has to say… We never see it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Gus was someone who listened a lot to what Willow had to say in the past, just as Luz does to Willow AND Amity! Gus becoming friends with Amity could help the girl make new connections and solidify them, to both her and Luz’s delight… And Gus is elated to have another audience member to entertain with his illusions, someone who will listen to him!

          Because like King, while he does have issues with feeling unheard… In the end, he makes a point of letting himself be noticed, hence his enjoyment of Illusions, self-confidence, and one-time stint as MC at Grom! Whilst Amity tries NOT to be noticed, at least not in the individual sense- She’ll draw attention to the façade she has the Blight Child, and as a faceless member of the Emperor’s Coven one day… And that’s another dichotomy; The Blights are covenscouts and support Belos’ reign, while Perry Porter works with the news, reporting on some of the less desirable parts of Belos’ rule, and his own role is used by Gus to help lead an uprising against the Emperor; To show the truth to Belos’ cruelty, which is ironic for a kid who specializes in Illusions!

           As the son of a reporter, Gus has likely heard a LOT of gossip… So it’s possible he’ll be a lot more privy than most to Belos’ corruption, in the event that Perry likely does some investigation, or at least a lot of reporting and inevitably gets assigned to a thing or two. Whilst Amity’s parents keep her shielded from the truth of the Emperor’s Coven, or at least try to justify it… But Gus, he could be someone who helps Amity realize how corrupt Belos is, and how a good relationship with a parent that discusses the family name actually looks like! He can help Amity realize the truth- Again, another ironic contrast to his Illusionist talents. Assuming what happened with Luz, Eda, and Lilith isn’t already enough for Amity…

           Obviously Gus doesn’t HAVE to be friends with Amity and vice-versa. I can understand if he wants to avoid her because of what she did to Willow. But I think if the two WERE to interact, there’s some potential… At the very least, there’s a lot of thematic connections, similarities, and differences that are worth noting and appreciating. I’m just imagining Gus seeing Amity as being all down and in the pits, cheering her up with Illusions… And Amity listens to and understands Gus when he has to vent a bit.

           Amusingly, he’s also a self-proclaimed ‘Human expert’! So I can see Amity looking to GUS of all people on guidance on how to woo Luz, and navigate her human culture… And Gus, despite meaning well, just sets up Amity for failure and antics as he teaches her all of the wrong things! Imagine Amity nervously coming up to Luz, dressed in a rain poncho because it’s apparently a ‘display of romantic affection’ while Gus unblinkingly flashes her a thumbs-up from behind a bush! And then that leads to his disappointment as he realizes he screwed up…

           Or, Luz is such a goober who loves Amity that she takes it all in stride and genuinely enjoys it, leading to Gus being triumphant in his knowledge, while telling Amity ‘I told you so!’ Amity can’t BELIEVE she actually listened to him- But it paid off in the end, didn’t it? And hey, maybe she can use her power as a Blight to nab a human artifact for Gus… Or at least show him of Azura, assuming Luz already hasn’t! But given that book series is about witches and not humans themselves, I can see Gus not being too intrigued.

           To Amity, Gus is this weird, unusual little kid with a lot of ideas, surprisingly precocious… But she appreciates his confidence in himself, and how sweet he can be! While Gus sees Amity as Willow’s former friend who REALLY hurt her, but has since improved… And he knows through Luz and Willow that her parents are outright abusive, maybe he’s even had past interactions with Emira and Edric, as members of the same track! Either way, Gus has a lot of natural curiosity that wasn’t quashed or taken advantage of by his father, but actually supported… Maybe he’ll be interested in interviewing Amity, getting to know the REAL Amity Blight, encouraging her to come forth! And Amity is uncertain, maybe flattered… Maybe she humors him and actually DOES open up a little, maybe not.

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house gus #gus porter #the owl house amity #amity blight #the owl house perry #perry porter #the owl house odalia #odalia blight #the owl house alador #alador blight #augustus porter

[clefairytails]

lesbian tag game

thx for sending me this @redcladsheikah <3 all my lesbian friends should do this too, if you want uwu i’m too lazy to tag like 50 ppl hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh @lebians @tiedyked @talaxian @lesbian-mcelroy @ireallylikecameras 

1: did you ever think you were straight?

not really, i knew i liked girls even as a child. but i did go through multiple periods of trying to convince myself i was straight, needless to say it didn’t work out lol.

2: what’s your favorite element of gay culture?

our sense of humor! it’s amazing that we’re all so funny despite putting up with so much bullshit.

3: are you femme, butch, or neither?

femme! i’ve been looking into femme history lately, bcs the idea that femme is just an aesthetic is a misconception c:

4: do you prefer to date femmes or butches?

tbh every time i declare i have a type i immediately fall for someone that’s the complete opposite of that, so i have no idea. lately i’ve been wanting a goth gf, but i just developed a crush on a prep soooo i’m terrible at self-reflection. this bitch don’t know what she want.

5: what’s the worst part about being a lesbian?

the feeling that there’s a part of you that needs to be fixed, but you can’t do anything about it. it’s like seeing a picture on the wall that’s crooked, but it’s stuck like that and you can’t ever straighten it. or having a hair out of place that keeps sticking up no matter how much you try to gel it down.

6: what’s the best part of being a lesbian?

is women too obvious of an answer? girls are angels and i’d die for all of them

7: how long were you questioning for?

pretty much never, i guess. i had crushes on girls since kindergarten, then in 2nd grade i was told girls could only like boys, so i tried my best to be straight even though in my heart i knew i wasn’t. since i couldn’t make myself like boys, i kinda just ignored the idea of liking anyone at all until middle school, when i found out what the word “lesbian” means online. of course, all the stuff i found about lesbians called us disgusting perverts, so i went through many phases of calling myself literally anything else but a lesbian. i’ve only started using the word lesbian specifically in the last few years, especially since i joined an amazing discord group. i love them so much, they’ve helped me feel so proud of being a lesbian <3

8: what’s the most annoying thing straight people do?

exist. 

jk lmao, i’m honestly not annoyed by straight people, but i like making jokes as if i am. it’s hard to annoy me in general, i’ve got a high tolerance for that type of stuff. if i have to answer, i hate it when strangers (usually straight men) pry into my sex life, but i’m not really annoyed by that as much as i am creeped out.

9: what do you look for in a girl?

vampirism is my only requirement.

10: if you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you choose?

@lebians bcs i feel they’d be the most able to put up with my bullshit. everyone else would kill me on sight. if only @ireallylikecameras was still single, then when we got married we could put together our 50% employee discounts at BK and get infinite food for free, ending world hunger. i think that’s how it works, but also im gay and therefore bad at math.

11: do you have a crush right now?

does being in love count as a crush? if so, then i have three.

12: do you fall in love easily?

i crush easily, and i say i’m in love easily bcs i’m a leo (meaning i need to exaggerate to live), but actually feeling love? only once.

13: is there anyone in your life right now you think you’ll date in the future?

fingers crossed.

14: is there anyone you want to be kissing right now?

at the moment i’m feeling very touch repulsed, so no. but i also go through periods of feeling touch starved, and during those times i’d kiss pretty much anyone lmao.

15: do you think you’ve met your future wife yet?

i don’t know if i want to be married. i hate making commitments.

16: top, bottom, or vers?

i suspect i’m a bottom, but i’m also a virgin with no self awareness about what she wants or likes, so who really knows.

17: is there anyone you wish you could fuck right now?

still feeling touch repulsed, so no. also i have issues with actual real life sex. i always think i want to have sex, but when the situation becomes real, i feel disgusted by it and chicken out. i have no idea if this is some sort of asexuality or internalized lesbophobia. i should probably go to therapy lol.

18: rough or gentle?

rough, in theory. like i said, virgin who doesn’t know what she likes. but as a general rule, i don’t like slowness.

19: how many stereotypes do you fit into?

i’m fat, hairy, make lots of jokes about hating men (at least online, not in real life bcs i dont wanna get stabbed), i sometimes look like a guy,

20: what version of the lesbian flag do you like most? (butch, lipstick, original, etc.)

i like the femme one! i have it as my banner, it’s the lipstick lesbian flag without the lip print. the original flag was so fucking good, too bad it got taken by the terfs. the labrys is such a powerful image, and purple is a good color. also i saw a moon lesbian flag going around, that one is so good.

21: do you have a good gaydar?

hhhh i’d like to pretend i do but tbh i’m not very observant and straight up bad at reading people.

22: be honest, would you rather be straight?

yes and no. i’d rather have been born straight, because it would’ve saved me so much pain, but it’s a few years too late for that lol. if there was a magic pill that could make me straight today, i wouldn’t take it. i’ve been through so much as a lesbian, it means something to me now and i wouldn’t trade that for anything.

23: are you cis?

yep.

24: are you a sugar mommy or a sugar baby at heart?

hardcore sugar baby. my dream job is being an older woman’s trophy wife.

25: are you committed to someone at all right now emotionally?

hhhhhhhhhh unfortunately. i don’t want to be.

26: are you looking for a serious relationship currently?

yes, but i shouldn’t be. i don’t think i’m ready to be in one.

27: is there someone you’d like to be in a serious relationship in?

yes, but she’s straight and already married lmao. whoops.

28: do you want children?

no, i’m too selfish and irresponsible.

29: is your family accepting of your sexuality?

my mom and dad are, though they don’t take it very seriously. pretty sure they expect me to grow out of it one day. can’t blame them tho, i’m waiting for the same thing lmao. my extended family is huge, and their opinions range from being extremely homophobic to being gay themselves, but i’m interacting with them less and less as i get older.

30: how confident are you in your sexuality?

very confident, though i don’t want to be. i’m still secretly hoping one day i’ll see a guy i’m attracted to and he’ll fix me, but being realistic, i’m a huge fucking lesbian. women are enchanting.

31: are you polyamorous or monogamous?

monogamous. my insecure ass could not be poly hhhhhh.

32: what advice do you have for your 12 year old self?

be more selfish. you don’t have to put yourself second for the sake of others, especially at your age. nothing you do will matter in a decade, go fucking wild.

33: have you ever been to a gay bar?

nope. i want to go one day, but i have terrible social anxiety.

34: leather jackets or flannel?

both of those are really hot, but i’m gonna go with leather jacket.

35: describe your dream girlfriend

- vampire

- big tiddy goth gf

- nice personality or smthn

- uhhhhhhhhh tiddy

(ok but srsly, i can’t answer this question bcs i NEVER know what i want!! i always thought my type was THICC for sure, but all three of the ladies i have feelings for rn are pretty skinny and flat chested)

36: do you have any lesbian friends?

at least 50 lol.

37: what elements of gay culture do you actively participate in?

air, water, sometimes earth. never fire.

38: do you find straight people irritating?

nope, but i do find straight pda uncomfortable to look at. mostly bcs it reminds me of what i'm supposed to want. but i’d never tell a straight person that, obviously. i’m not rude.

39: would you rather adopt a kid or have a biological kid?

i’ll adopt a tortoise, and feed her any children that cross my path. but if i did ever have a child, i’d want it to be biologically mine and my wife’s. mostly bcs i’d want to know what it would look like, which is a selfish and stupid reason to have kids, and exactly why i’m not gonna lmao.

40: do you love yourself?

i’m a LEO (jokes aside, i don’t know. sometimes i do, sometimes i don’t. but i love myself more as time goes on. definitely more than i did than when i was a teen, at least.)

#tag game #long post #im a LEO

[heavymetalhexcode]

Paladin Character Analysis

Here I am once again where I should be doing something productive yet thinking about Voltron. I am hyped for season 5! The thing on my mind today is an analysis of the Voltron crew’s personalities, largely viewed through the ways I can relate to them (or not). Each character is very archetypal, but I think the show does a reasonable job of throwing in a bit more complexity, allowing a lot of very different people to see different qualities that they admire or possess. That's how people decide they like fictional characters, after all. I've ordered this list roughly in order of how much I identify with or think I understand each person.

More after the cut. Much more.

Lance

Water. This is my element. It ebbs and flows, displaying equal gentleness and strength as befits the situation, and Lance has proven he is a versatile member of the team. The scene where he told Coran he misses rain really stuck with me – rain on the roof is possibly the most relaxing sound I can think of.

He's fun and lighthearted, often cracking jokes and trying to make the others smile. I find humor is often the best way for me to deal with stress or grief. Immediately upon coming out of the cryo pod, he makes a joke about Allura asking him on a date – and yes, I do believe that was a joke -- which shifts the tone of the conversation away from grievous injury. In the space mall, he jumps to help Pidge find the money for the game console so they could have something fun to do in the Castle. The blue lion is probably the most welcoming and friendly of the bunch, something that I strive to be despite being kind of terrible at dealing with people, and I'm sure that my first flight in a lion would have looked a lot like his. Despite putting up a front of confidence and cheer, he's insecure about his role on the team. It's only after he receives explicit recognition from his idol Shiro that he begins to feel confident in his skills. Even then he still has doubts, so much so that he offers to step aside for Allura.

Overcompensating. Absolutely. He likes girls, sure, but he's also way too overt about it. It's possible that he really is just that flirty, but I think he's overplaying it to draw attention away from something else, either intentionally or not. It could be that he's still figuring out or uncomfortable with his sexuality (there's just enough Klance chemistry that I would believe it if the show went that way), but it might just be that he's being loud, boisterous, and obnoxious to draw attention away from the fact that he's not always a carefree party boy. It's hard to say right now, but I bet we'll be getting some clues down the line. Personally I like the idea of a bi character on Voltron, and Lance fits the mold for someone still in the closet.

Lance's self-care routine is an awesome inversion of typical gender roles.  I think he and Hunk (cooking) are the only ones we've seen with noteworthy feminine-coded interests, and you know who's not about that "girly" life? Pidge! Allura is more typically effeminate than Pidge, which is fine, but I love that not being the only kind of femininity we see on the crew. It can be hard for a guy to accept having feminine interests, and Lance being comfortable doing so shows that either a) he really cares about making a good impression and strives to be well groomed or b) he don't give a shit what you think and will pamper himself if he wants. Possibly both.

Pidge

Nature! Technology! It seems conflicted! I'm a computer scientist who loves to unplug for a few days and go hiking or whatever. These two seemingly opposite interests in a person can absolutely blend, and it was great to see her realize that on Olkarion.

Machines > people. One of the primary reasons I decided to become a programmer, and I'm pretty sure the same is at least partly true for Pidge. She was a misfit at school because she was driven to learn (and possibly some other stuff), made fun of for her intelligence, and appears to have withdrawn from people to work on computers. I didn't have to deal with a lot of that, and I'm very thankful for the environment I had in my schools growing up. She needed the team to help draw her out of her shell, and now her friends are a surrogate family. Apparently, a lot of people like to characterize her as ace because she's a nerd, and while I agree with the ace bit, I argue it's actually the other way around.  Computers don't ostracize you because they don't understand you. Computers won't mock you or tell you that you just "haven't found the right person yet." I know some ace folks who have told me what it's like to grow up with that crap, and I'm not surprised Pidge gave up on people. I also headcanon her as trans, which is yet another possible source of social issues. That bathroom moment at the mall? Very telling.

The way she reacts to alien technology may look over the top, but let me tell you, an elegantly written algorithm is one of the most beautiful things in the universe. AI is exciting! The materials are exciting! There's so much shiny technology to explore out there!

Shiro

He is in his 30s. I will fight you. I know it's only supposed to be an age gap of a few years, but his appearance, behavior, and voice all make me believe he is older than canon. 

Good lord, this man needs a therapist! Shiro is so busy supporting the rest of the team and helping them through the zillion difficult situations this war has gotten them into that he hasn't taken time to deal with his own demons. He needs that. He's put things behind him, sure, and we're not seeing his PTSD so much anymore, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. He managed to shove it all away in a corner and stop looking at it. It'll be interesting to see what Sendak's return does to his mental health. Poor Space Dad.

Shiro is my favorite paladin. Hands down. I'm very drawn to dad figures, and he's attractive to boot. He's confident, a quick thinker, and does a remarkable job keeping emotions in check and leading with logic without being perfect. We get to see that even he has his limits with Slav and Sendak. He supports his team, knows their strengths, and doesn't force anyone to do things they don't want to. We've seen gallows humor from him as well as bad sound effects, and when he thinks he might die, he names his replacement to be sure that the team won't feel lost when he's gone. I'm also pretty sure he and I handle emotional stress in similar ways: poorly.

On the subject of stress as relates to shipping, I have thoughts. Shiro is hurting hard, and he needs someone he feels close enough to that he can confide his pain in them. I've been in a similar situation (to a lesser degree), pushing things away and bottling emotions up until it did very bad things for me. It took the kind of trust I could only form with my SO to start learning how to lean on someone else, and even now, years later and in a much better place, I can only think of three people I consider confidants. (Yes, I am absolutely projecting here, but) I wouldn't be surprised if Shiro has similar difficulties opening up. There isn't anyone he feels comfortable talking to yet, and he might need a stronger bond than the one between friends and teammates before he can. Unfortunately for our black paladin, I have a hard time picturing him with anyone currently available. The age/maturity gap that I can't get over immediately rules out the younger paladins. Besides, they're his kids. If Shiro is going to get into a relationship, he needs someone who can give him the kind of support he extends to everyone else, not someone who looks up to him like a father figure. Next choice? Allura, but they're both too focused on the war. They've got bigger things to worry about than dating, and neither will probably even think about such things until after they've won. Maybe a someday option, but not now. Coran? Just... no. Despite needing a deeper relationship in a bad way, I think Shiro is too private, focused, and traumatized right now to even think about it.

Can I just say I love watching him fight? It's beautiful. He's very fast, fluid, and in the other guy's face. Always very well animated, too.

Hunk

I love Hunk. Dude's awesome. He reminds me a lot of my sister: obsessed with food, just wants to be comfy, a little high strung when things don't go according to plan. No wonder he and Lance are bros. Not a lot of character depth for him yet, which makes me sad. Seems like Hunk is mostly played for laughs, so I appreciate that he was suspicious of Rolo and Nyma instead of any of the others. Of course, Hunk is also pretty stable as a person, so he's not in need of as much growth as the rest of the paladins. He's a solid grounding presence (ha ha) for them.

Keith

Keith is... difficult. I have a hard time getting into his head. He's a rebel; I'm not really. His anger is hot; I think mine is cold. He needs to figure out his family to know who he is; I couldn't do that until I got away from mine. He obviously cares about his teammates, and they're probably the closest thing to a functional family he's ever had. I wish we had gotten to see him struggle and grow more in a leadership role. While he is too reckless to be a good leader, the consequences of those disastrous first missions should have helped him do better. Instead there was an irritating time skip and OH YEAH KEITH'S TOTES IN THE BLADE. I wish that time had been handled better.

That said, he's doing well in the Blade. I like him there. There's more room for personal responsibility and the snap decision making that he likes to do. It's letting him stay in his comfort zone instead of pushing him to improve like leading Voltron would have, so pros and cons, but that was not a role that suited him. He'll find opportunities that are better for him. Even after real Shiro comes back and they beat the stuffing out of Kuron, I think staying with Marmora would be better for Keith.

Allura

I WISH SHE HAD MORE DEVELOPMENT. This gal kicks ass. I love her. She's not your standard princess in some ways, but she's also been their magic plot device more than once. Alteans are chameleons? Let's see that referenced again, please! The Balmera thing? Sweet, but I wish we knew more about that too. Is that a royal thing only? Could Coran do a ceremony? Probably not to save the whole creature, but I don't see why he wouldn't be able to do it on a smaller scale. Haggar/Honerva does magic stuff, too, which either tells us magic isn't just a royal thing or it's a result of messing with quintessence. Hard to say.

The mice? Much Disney princess. Such wow. Useful little buggers, though.

She really is the heart of Voltron, and she's the commander of the war effort as well. Devoted as hell. She killed her dad a second time for the war. She got (partly) over her Galra grudge for the war. She's been a diplomat, a support pilot, and a paladin for the war. Allura is cool.

Coran

He's the goofy uncle whose prime function is watching out for Allura. Flair for the dramatic. Not really much to say here. Nice 'stache.

#voltron #too much time on my hands #character analysis