#pls ignore that whole post i am so mentally okay always | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

in-superbloom · 3 years

Text

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

#anna writes #perhaps she does write after all #alright i'm gonna go hide somewhere now bye #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin fic #ashton 5sos #ashton irwin x oc #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #ashton irwin imagine #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #anna writes: rwylm

62 notes · View notes

jinkicake · 4 years

Text

Periods Don’t Stop Nothing But A Sentence

Bokuto, Kuroo, Ushijima learn about the benefits of having sex while you’re on your period and offer their help.

Bokuto Koutarou x Reader

Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

For you, lovely anon~~ I wrote a majority of this at like 5 am so maybe that’s why it may sound a little crazy, hehe. (･ω･)v Also to all my loves who also experience periods, allow me to offer a great investment! A heating pad, I’ve been using the same one for years and it’s so worth it like it helps sooo much with cramps and aches. I recommend!

S M U T </3

WC- 1,974

~~~

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto would not be afraid to bring this up, he wants to do whatever he can to help you~

He would never talk about having sex on your period in a gross degrading way or any way that makes you uncomfortable because Bokuto respects women

It would be so casual, like when he sees you hurting because of your cramps he would offer you an orgasm, ugh how sweet right?

And even though, who would want an orgasm during their period when they are feeling so gross and sick…. But who could say no?

Bokuto would plan this out and do it exactly the way you want to achieve the orgasm, making sure you are well-situated the entire time

Again, Bokuto would only do this if you were okay with it like poor thing just wants to make you feel better

Since he does not understand the pain and horrific feeling that comes with having a period, Bokuto wants to help you however he can and in the best way

He is such a sweet boy, please

Sex is sex, I don’t think you being on your period would make it any different for him

Expect the sweetest cuddles and shit afterward ~~~

Bokuto’s hands grip your hips gently, his thumbs caress your sides as he stares down at you. His golden eyes are full of concern and he watches your every reaction as he drags his clothed cock over your center. The simple motion has you weak, despite the layers of clothes between the two of you, you feel everything. The pleasure is immense, the tip of his cock rubs your clit in just the right way to make you close your eyes in relief.

“A-are you okay?” Bokuto whispers, not wanting to disrupt your moment. He lowers his lips to kiss your temple, the soft action is drastically different from the way his hips are moving. It’s almost sinful.

“Don’t stop,” You pant into his neck as your back arches into his chest. Your hips rise and you start to grind into him. It should be illegal, how he feels as you clutch his back. You can feel every muscle rippling under your touch, he is so warm, so hard that it makes the overall experience ten times better. His large arms make you feel so protected, so cared for, that you just want to hear him cum already. Your hands slide up his back to his hair and you fist the grey strands between your fingers. Bokuto keeps knocking his hips into yours and tries to silence his grunts, but you won’t have it. “let me hear you Koutarou.”

You tug roughly on his hair and moan loudly when he ruts against you, Bokuto leans down closer to you and braces himself on one of his elbows beside your head.

“Ah, baby you can’t just do that,” Bokuto warns and you ignore him, instead you focus on his hand that is cupping your breast. His large palm gently works the soft flesh and is sure not to be too rough with your sensitive nipples. You tilt your chin up and press your lips to Bokuto’s, moaning when he kisses you back. It’s almost as if any restraint inside your boyfriend snaps and he is straight into fucking you like he normally would. The hand on your hip holds you still as his cock grinds into your clothed core, over and over his hips continue to move. As your mouth falls open at the moans slipping past your lips, the ones that Bokuto is selfishly taking as his own, your boyfriend wastes no time in sticking his tongue in your mouth. It almost works as a gag, silencing any noises you make even as you cum in your panties.

Kuroo Tetsurou

PLS KUROO WOULD SO BE INTO IT

“Periods don’t stop nothing but a sentence babygirl” -Kuroo Tetsurou

This information would probably always be in the back of his mind every time you got your period,,,,

Kuroo would only bring it up if you brought it up because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, like push anything on you

Yeah, Kuroo would not care if you are on your period, if you’re horny and he’s horny like?? What is the issue, what is stopping you two?

As long as you’re okay with it and want it, of course, he will do whatever you desire~

Sidebar. Wait, isn’t Kuroo like in med school? Or he’s studying biology or something….. so even if he did not find it appetizing he wouldn’t care and would still do it. Biology students have seen worse already….

He supports the natural pain reliever that is solely giving you orgasms

Would he make period jokes? Lol yeah he would, but all in good fun, just to cheer you up and make you laugh~

In the end, Kuroo just wants you to be comfortable. If you feel more comfortable doing it in the shower or wherever, he would follow. He’ll treat you so delicately like he will take such good care of you~~

The warm water completely soaks you, feeling amazing against your skin as it takes away some of the aches you are facing. You’re leaning back against Kuroo’s chest as he washes your hair, his long fingers massage your scalp and the heat against your lower back almost makes you quiver.

“Tetsurou,” You call and give in to each of his touches, pressing your thighs together subconsciously.

“Hmm, what is it kitten?” Kuroo coos into your ear, lightly kissing up to your neck while massaging the shampoo throughout the bottom of your hair.

“Please fuck me.” You beg, your voice coming out breathy and you feel your boyfriend halt his fingers in your hair.

“Are you sure baby? That’s okay with you?” He asks, placing his hands on your shoulders to turn you around so he can look into your eyes. When you nod, you saw something flash in his eyes, a cocky smile lights up his face.

“Rinse your hair out, I’ll be right back,” Kuroo promises and kisses the corner of your lip before stepping out of the shower. As you stand under the showerhead, you listen as your boyfriend rummages through the cabinets. No doubt, setting up towels for after you’re all done and getting you clothes that you had forgotten to. When he comes back in front of you, you can’t help but frown at the condom he has on but your core jolts nonetheless. “how do you want it kitten?”

You back into one of the walls, hissing at the cool temperature against your shoulders. Kuroo stands on top of you and you can’t help but spread your legs as you look up at him.

“I’m just going to go for it, okay?” He checks with you once more and you nod, closing your eyes when you feel one of his arms wrap around your waist. “Look at me.” His tone is more demanding this time and you whine before opening your eyes. Kuroo is staring down at you, his lips hovering over your own and as soon as he presses them together, he slides into you.

His moans are muffled against your lips, the feeling of your walls gripping him so tightly nearly breaks him out into a sweat. Kuroo continues to work your lips, slipping his tongue into your mouth to rub against your own.

You can already feel most of the pain diminishing as he thrusts into you, the pleasure being the only thing you can focus on.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

This sweet baby, ugh, he would find out the whole ‘benefits from having sex while on your period’ after he deeply searched the internet on ways to help you

Ushijima hates seeing his sweet love in pain, okay? He was very worried and decided to do research, mentally noting that heat can help relieve your cramps the moment he found it out

He’d bluntly bring it up, like if you’re curled on the bed in a ball, Ushijima would just sit down beside you and recite everything he remembered

“Orgasms might relieve your cramps and headaches” “Having sex can shorten your period” “It’ll help you relax and soothe your moody mind”

It might be awkward at first, like why is he bringing this up? Does he really want to have sex while you’re on your period? You’d just have to smile and nod

“I want to help you, if you’ll allow me” Ushijima would offer whatever he can to help you feel better

Personally, I don’t think he would care at all that you’re on your period. It’s just sex to him, or a means to help relieve the pain you’re facing.

He’d take full control, you don’t even have to lift a finger. Ushijima is all about YOU!

Yes, he would look up and do extensive research on what he can do to make you most comfortable and of course he would communicate with you to see what you want

Ushijima is just such a big sweetheart and would take so much care of you, even if it would be so hard for him to take it slow, hehe

“You can take one more,” Ushijima tells you as he brings the vibrator back down to your clit. “Right, my love?” He pushes when you don’t respond and even though he has the small device hovering over your clit, you can still feel the vibrations. You manage to give him a weak nod through your post-orgasm clouded mind. “No, use your words.” Ushijima continues to run one of his hands alongside your inner thigh, massaging the soft skin.

“Yes, I can. Please Wakatoshi.” You beg and Ushijima glances up at your eyes before back down at your clothed core. He nods and presses the vibrating toy against your clit, gently circling it before resting it once more.

“Orgasms can help your period become shorter.” He tells you and you furrow your brows in confusion, but still nodding at the fact. “Your cramps may lessen too, it can help you relax.”

“Umm, thanks for letting me know?” You hum and try to once again focus on his light touches along your thigh. Ushijima goes to open his mouth again but you shoot him a pointed look. “It isn’t really the best dirty talk, honey.” You smile softly and he closes his mouth, nodding in thought as he continues to hold the vibrator to your clit. You watch as his head lowers to kiss your hip, mouthing at the skin before moving his lips to your stomach, you get a vision full of brown hair. “Wakatoshi~” You breathe and your boyfriend quietly moans against your skin. He runs his nose along your hipbone before pushing one of your legs up. Ushijima stretches the other leg straight out while the other bends up with your knee facing the ceiling.

“Tell me if it gets too much.” His words fall numb on your ears because all you can focus on is the deeper stimulation on your clit. As Ushijima continues to hold the device, that looks quite tiny in his hands, he moves to rest between your thighs. Behind the vibration, you can see the way he is holding the back of your thigh and kissing along the inside of it. The sight alone nearly made you come undone.

“T-talk me through it.” You can feel it creeping but you need more, you need Ushijima so badly.

“You’re doing so good, my beautiful love.” He starts lightly, pushing the vibrator and gently applying more pressure with each of his words. “I can’t wait to eat you out until your legs are numb and then fuck you until you can’t speak. Wouldn’t you like that? I know how badly you want it but you have to be patient.” His voice is so low, rumbling deep from his chest like he is barley holding back from doing just as he described. Sadly you know he can’t, at least not for a few days.

#bokuto kotarou x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #ushijima x reader #bokuto smut #kuroo smut #ushijima smut #haikyuu fic #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you

2K notes · View notes

washymylifeaway · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu fanfic recs for ones I liked hehe

EDIT: I made a pt 2

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am recommending some fanfics for popular(ish) ships that I personally really enjoyed! I’m only doing one or two fics per ship (which in hindsight is KILLING me so I’m just putting the first fics I find and am like I really liked that one LOL) because I wanted to do a shorter fic rec list (tho watch this become super long LOL). I also may or may not be procrastinating finishing a couple other long posts, so there’s that hehe. For the (kinda but not really) public consensus for best fics per ship (by kudo count) check out some of my other posts. Also I’m putting some ships I don’t actually read much of (OOPS LOL) so if you think that there’s a fic that fits my type (if I even have a consistent type) better, pls tell me LOL. Otherwise, pls continue heh :)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading to make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) and stay healthy!

IwaOI:

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k // ok so does me liking this fic make me basic cause I feel basic LOL. I really love mafia fics, and the way the story line developed was SO good, like IN LOVE with this story. This is a fic where you should read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY before diving in, but if the length scares you, don’t be. It’s so easy to fall in and get lost in the writing!

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k // again, basic? Probably LOL but it’s good so I have no shame ;) Again, pls don’t let the word count scare you (cause it scared me LOL), you get really into it after like 2 paragraphs, so just make sure you have enough time to finish hehe.

KuroKen:

Thicker Than Blood by kylar (M) 91.4k // are you surprised that there is another mafia one? You really shouldn’t be LOL. Anyway, I’ll just be here pushing my mafia fanfic agenda while you read this monster of a fic hehe :) Definitely read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY because there is some very sensitive topics involved! I also adore the oibokuroo friendship headcannon, so more reasons to read, right?

Liked, Commented and Subscribed by Royal Society of Pandas (Abarcelos) (T) 45.7k // this fic is SO funny omg. I read it and I had to stop so many times just to laugh because I could not stop sometimes LOL. However, there IS angst towards the end, it gets resolved, but it’s still there... But honestly, it just adds such depth and flavor to the fic, so pls read it!

BokuAka:

bang! now we're even by Authoress (M) 11.9k // so I’ll be honest, I don’t read a lot of BokuAka (...oops?) and so I wouldn’t consider myself as the best person to be recommending fics for this ship (in general too LOL).... ANyway, I love myself some good spy AUs (was gonna put that IwaOi spy AU but the LIMIT), and Akaashi in a dress? Like the tags might state, what more do you need? The characters are done beautifully, and the story development is SO good, so I give you all my humble BokuAka rec.

Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (M) 60k // man do I really love fighting in my fics LOL. This was super good and the plot itself kept me really engaged (what a twist omg). It does talk a bit about mental health issues, but it’s done so well, and they really did this AU justice!

DaiSuga:

How to Manage by SuggestiveScribe (E) 39.3k // ok so yea yea we established, I’m basic, BUT can you blame me? This might’ve been one of the first DaiSuga’s I’ve read and I have no regrets. Literally, this fic series is one of my favorites, so OF COURSE I had to add it somewhere :D Honestly, I don’t even think you need to read the first one to understand what’s going on, but I would just cause it has some funny DaiSuga moments too ;) This is explicit for PWP, so proceed with caution~~

Add New Contact by booksong (G) 8.5k // this one! It’s so cute and poor Daichi LOL. He really out here doing the most,,, Anyway, we love tech Suga, and a nice dash of snarky tsukki (LOL is he salt, yes yes he is). It’s very fluff and pine, so if you want to read Daichi having gay panic like 24/7, go right ahead LOL.

SakuAtsu:

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k // ummmm, haha what, another mafia AU? Me, predictable? Noooo, never..... Anyway, this one was so freakin’ good like, love it so much! It’s one of my favorite mafia AU fics, and I love the story line progression. Poor Atsumu being dragged into this mess, but it’s okay because THEY are IN LOVE. Honestly, this fic is Atsumu best boy like he is the best boy. BEST BOY.

Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.9k // I ignored all of the other fics I LOVE in this ship (like the pain I’m in rn), but I love this fic with my whole heart. Like I have reread this fic multiple multiple times because I love it so much (tho I might’ve skipped the angst a couple of times cause I didn’t want the pain okay?). I keep coming back, and the second fic in this series is SO funny and cute and I love it here. Please read it, it’s so FREAKING good, angst and ALL.

KyouHaba:

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // IK you’re all like, you’re missing such great fics, like no I’m not I just made myself hate myself by limiting fics to two per,,, I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

MatsuHana:

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // I told myself I was gonna put my most angsty fics on another post (which I will for my other favorite MatsuHana angst fic which I love), but this fic. Omg I saw it and I was like I have to. Literally I have to. I hate angst, but read it. It, the, plot, omg, I jjfnsfknalkjdnf ljksan. Like I’m not sure you understand. This fic. asjfjfsadnldjb. I never thought I could hate a character SO MUCH,,,, like SO MUCH. READ TAGS, WARNINGS, AND SUMMARIES because some serious stuff really goes down. Bless Iwa-chan.

SunaOsa:

Accidentally in Love by pancake_surprise (T) 19.6k // JOSE CUERVO strikes. I love this fic and all the chaos in it. The way they were supposed to be the responsible couple (of friends LOL),,, sike. This one is only a slight angst and it’s mostly love and fun :) Also technically this is no longer the first fic in the series, but I’m still putting this one cause the other one is SakuAtsu orientated hehe :)

Spring Secrets by DeathBelle (T) 3.8k // Seasons might be one of my favorite (as all things also seem to be) series of all times. I don’t like rerecommending fics I’ve already said to read, which is why I’m not yelling at you to go read a certain other fic (which is my life and blood). Anyway, this fic series is all fluff barely angst (maybe that’s why I like it) but it’s so freakin good pls read it all ahhhhhh.

Komori/Suna (what is their ship name):

I wish to live in a world by hatsuna (T) 24.8k // ok ngl this fic was so sad and relatable? Like I was like wtf why are you making me cry rn even though like I shouldn’t be? My heart? Pain. (Hotel? Trivago.) Technically, this is END GAME but the main pairing is kinda SakuAtsu???? Something of the sort, but also their relationship (Komori and Sakusa) is written so well and idk guys I think you need to read this fic rn.

Ah the two fic limit hurt me, but fear not I am making ship specific rec posts (LOL I’m so dramatic), so if you wanted more of a ship,,,, its a coming hehe. And yes I did say I’m making an angsty fic rec post, but we’ll see if it gets finished before I side-track with posts like these LOL.

155 notes · View notes

yyxgin · 3 years

Text

𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 || 𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧

𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐘 !! @spookybias you are my assigned person for the winter fic exchange !! I know you said I should post the fic in an hour when I sent you the ask but jokes on me I had a mental breakdown so that didn't happen,,anyways here we are now and pls act surprised <3 (@districtninewriters)

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐚𝐮, 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐮

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟐.𝟓 𝐤

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈'𝐦 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞

“What is that?” snorts your classmate Seungmin as you stride into the classroom, disgusted look on your face as you remember your first class is business, which is, dare you say, the next closest thing to death.

“What?” you furrow your brows, confusingly looking yourself up and down to your best abilities, trying to find anything remotely close to anything your dear friend could be laughing at you about. Your shoes are there, you didn’t forget to change your pyjama pants either (yes, this did, indeed happen once and nobody will ever forget about it), you even put your best hoodie on! So what was bothering Seungmin so much?

“That coffee cup,” grins your seatmate as you plop down at the chair next to him and put the travel thermo-cup of coffee onto the wooden desk to keep you company as you try hard not to fall asleep while the teacher rambles about inflation and unemployment.

You finally realise what he’s getting on, grinning, but trying to act unbothered nonetheless. “What about it?” you ask.

“Why does it have ‘world’s greatest grandpa’ on it and why are you bringing it to class?” he laughs, pointing to the white letters fancily sitting on the light brown travel mug, face scrunched up in disbelief mixed with amusement.

“Oh, well, Jeongin gave it to me,” you explain matter-of-factly, “which is, pretty much, the answer to your first question, I believe.” you nod.

“Not only the first one, trust me,” rolls his eyes Seungmin, seeing your annoyed look.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the second question was why are you bringing it to class and the answer still stays the same - Jeongin. He gave it to you, so you’re now carrying it around all the time,” he teases you, knowing damn well what it does to you when he jokes around about your supposed feelings for your best friend.

“And? He’s my best friend. He gave it to me like a year ago and I’ve been using it ever since, it’s practical,” you shrug, ignoring the way you feel yourself blushing a little at the comment.

“Practical, uh-huh, I get it,” smirks Seungmin, “you sure you’re not carrying around because you miss him?”

You look at him, look so cold it could freeze him to the chair. “Of course I miss him. He’s my best friend. But that’s not why I’m carrying this around and if you don’t stop making fun of me, I’ll make sure the coffee inside of this ends up in your lap instead.”

Seungmin only shakes his head, his stupid grin growing wider and wider by the minute. “I’m not teasing you. You just took it that way,” he exclaims, “which, pretty much, speaks for itself, if you ask me-”

You daringly take the cup into your hand, playfully hovering the coffee above his lap, making your seat-mate jolt away from you quickly to save himself from a horrible burn on his private area. “Yah, be careful!”

“I warned you,” you shrug, taking a sip from the coffee, seeing the boy move back next to you once you don’t seem as dangerous.

“When is he coming back, anyway?” asks Seungmin, lifting his eyebrows. “So I know when to pack my bags and move to the desk behind you again.”

You playfully roll your eyes. Seungmin has been your seat-mate for the time being, when Jeongin went on his student exchange program to Japan three months ago. He was lucky enough to be chosen and you were happy for him, you really were, but Seungmin was right. You missed your best friend like crazy. And on Friday, he is finally coming back.

“In two days,” you peep, feeling the blush creeping back onto your cheeks.

“So that’s why you cancelled our plans for Friday!” exclaims Seungmin, grinning.

“And? I see your stupid face every day, Jeongin’s finally coming back after two months and you just expect me to spend the day with you?” you huff, pointing to his figure sitting next to you.

“Oh my god, you really are that whipped for him-”

“I still have enough coffee here to burn your peepee,” you innocently smile, showing him the light-brown gift you got from your best friend a year ago, seeing Seungmin sigh and throw his hands up in defeat.

“Okay, okay,” he tells you, once again rolling his eyes at your antics, “just make sure not to kiss him once you finally see him-”

“Kim Seungmin I swear to god-”

“I got you a gift,” mumbles Jeongin in between munching on his ramen, mouth full and cheeks puffed out. If it was anyone else, you’d call them out for being disgusting and talking with an open mouth, but it was Yang Jeongin we’re talking about. He was absolutely adorable doing so. You two are currently at his favorite restaurant after you met him at the airport, cheesily throwing yourself into his arms as soon as you saw him, talking the day away as he tells you all about his trip to Japan, hanging on his every word.

“You didn’t have to,” you shake your head at him, seeing him roll his eyes.

“It’s nothing big, trust me, I’m still broke,” he giggles, “did you really expect me to go to Japan for three months and not get you anything? That would be rude.”

“But you already got me so many snacks!” you pout, trying to pursue him.

“Oh, we’ll eat those together so that doesn’t even count anyway,” he giggles, waving his hand.

It’s not that you don’t want that gift. It’s just the fact that you were one hundred percent sure you will be a blushing mess while receiving it. And you don’t really want your best friend to find out about your little crush on him, do you?

Now, hear me out. As much as you would like to tell Seungmin that you were not falling for your best friend, you would be lying. You don’t even know when it happened, to be honest.

You’ve known Jeongin since the two of you were kids. He bravely introduced himself to you in kindergarten and even though you were too shy to talk to anyone there, he was your king in the shining armour when another girl kicked down your sand castle in the playground. That itself proves to your three year old self that the dimpled boy could be trusted and so you were best friends ever since.

You watched him grow up right in front of your eyes. From the little boy with eyes as a fox to the young man he was now, broad shoulders and a charming smile always sitting on top of his lips. His eyes stayed the same, though, the hint of mischiefness behind them swooning you over every time you looked at him. You don’t notice it right away, but if you really take a step back, it was impossible for you to not fall in love with the boy.

The first time you really took the possibility of your feelings being something more than just a friendship was right at the moment he left. You walked him to the airport, squeezing his body tightly, feeling the warmth radiating from him and smiling widely just so you don’t cry. You felt pathetic for the tears in your eyes, batting them away swiftly by blinking abruptly, not wanting your best friend to see in fear of being teased again.

Once you pulled away from the hug, his eyes were focused on yours, his hands softly holding you by the shoulders, sighing. “Behave while I’m away, okay?” he grinned.

“Of course, captain,” you giggled, saluting, pursing your lips together to stop them from quivering.

“Are those tears in your eyes?” asked Jeongin, teasing you, snickering when you felt the said tears finally escape from your eyes onto your cheeks, his thumbs wiping them away as you felt the cold metal of the ring on his pinkie on your cheek. “Stop crying, you dummy. I’ll be back in three months. That’s not that long, is it?”

“It’s not,” you nodded, laughing softly.

“So why are you crying?” he asked with a gentle tone in his voice that surprised you, expecting to be teased again.

“I’ll miss you,” you shrugged.

“I’ll miss you too,” he shook his head, laughing, “stop crying. I’ll call you every day.”

You just nodded, seeing his flight appear on the informative sign above his head, signaling the fact that he had to leave soon. “You should go. Don’t want to miss the flight, do you?”

“Okay,” he nodded and moved closer to you, hugging you one last time. You almost expected him to pull away quickly and run to the gate, when he swiftly leaned in and pecked your forehead.

You watched him run away after that, giggling as he turned around and waved at you in the process, tugging your lips into a smile. Yes. This was the first time you realised you were foolishly in love with your best friend. Because when he pecked your forehead and the stupid butterflies decided to make their way into your stomach, you also realised one thing - and that is, you wished he kissed you on the lips instead.

“Y/n? Are you even listening?” asks Jeongin, waving his hand in front of your face to bring you back into reality.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,” you nod, trying to sound like you didn’t just spend a solid few minutes daydreaming about his face. You notice how different he looks with blue hair, remembering something about his japanese friend Riki dying it for him like the second week after he landed in Tokyo. It looked so much better in person. It suited him.

“So, as I was saying,” he starts, reaching for something in his bag, “the gift.”

“No,” you shake your head, “I don’t want it.”

“Y/n, don’t be stupid. I’ve known you for my whole life and I am perfectly certain you like getting gifts so shut up already and let me give you a gift.” rolls his eyes Jeongin, putting the black box onto the table in front of you, waiting for you to take it.

You look at it with daring eyes, contemplating the choice for a bit before you take the box into your hands and hesitantly open it. Inside, you see a beautiful bracelet, cute just like your best friend, the pretty teal color shining into your eyes as you scan the lettered beads on the it and- oh.

Oh.

Oh?

“Why is there ‘best mum’ written on it?” you ask, biting down on your lip to keep yourself from bursting out in laughter.

“Okay, hear me out. Me and Riki went to this one cute japanese store and it had those cutesy bracelets there and I really wanted to get you one, but they had none with your name on it and all the friendship ones were sold out already, so I took the next best choice!” he argues, seeing your amused face.

“That’s exactly what you said about the ‘world’s greatest grandpa’ coffee cup as well!” you giggle, facepalming in the process, but taking the bracelet and putting it around your hand nonetheless. You smile at the sight of it. Of course you liked it. You didn’t even care about the obnoxiously wrong sign on it, in fact, you kind of love it just for the sheer fact of those little gifts being kind of your thing now.

“You still like it, so…” he laughs at you, seeing you play around with the beads of the bracelet, examining it.

“Of course I do, Jeongin,” you shake your head in disbelief, “of course I do.”

“What will Jeongin give you for Valentine’s day today?” asks you Seungmin, grinning from ear to ear at the sight of your frustrated face.

“Nothing?” you glare at him, “since he’s not my boyfriend, you know,” you scoff.

“Awh, is our little y/n-ie sad?” the boy teases you as you shut your locker in his face obnoxiously loud so he knows it’s time for him to finally shut his mouth for a moment.

“I’m not. And you know that.” you grunt, rolling your eyes.

“Uh-huh, so if I told you Yang Jeongin is just talking to another girl with a rose in his hand, you wouldn’t care the slightest bit-”

“Where?!” you jolt, turning around furiously, looking for the blue head in the hallway, but noticing nothing. Just then you realise Seungmin is watching you with a playful smirk on his lips, enjoying the view of your panicked expression.

“I was just joking, chill. But speaking of our little Innie, he’s just walked in from behind the corner, so I’ll leave you two to it-”

“No-”

“Bye!” screams Seungmin and disappears into the boy’s bathroom so you can’t follow his tall figure inside. What does he even think about himself? Leaving you with your crush alone on Valentine's day? It wasn’t like you were absolutely terrified of someone walking up to the boy and asking him to be their Valentine, you swear!! It was just… the slightest hint of hope that maybe, he will be the one to ask you this year that is scaring you.

Oh, what a fool you were.

“Y/n!” you hear someone call you, knowing damn well it was your best friend. You wait for him to catch up to you, smiling at his face. He looks even better than usual with his hair parted in the middle, you can even tell he put some effort into picking out his outfit today. He looks nice, yet you fear that fact, because that must mean he wants to look nice for some reason - someone, in particular, and that is not good, considering it was Valentine’s day.

“Hey,” you smile at him, “all dressed up today. Trying to impress somebody?” you bitterly laugh, seeing him blush a little.

“Well, do you think it'll work?” he sighs, looking down to his feet. It wasn’t like Jeongin to act so shy around you. What was going on?

“So, who are you trying to impress, then?” you smile, trying to look unbothered.

“I brought you something!” suddenly bursts out Jeongin, seeing your surprised face as he doesn’t answer your question.

“What?” you ask, confused.

“Umm, wait-” he says, rummaging through his backpack, taking out a baked pastry in the shape of a big heart you recognise as a gingerbread, “here. I got this for you.”

You hesitantly take the gingerbread into your hands, seeing how it’s decorated with pretty flowers drawn in colored frosting, a big sign on top of it written in cursive making you blush just at the sight of it.

‘Lovely girlfriend’, there says, making you bitterly giggle.

“Let me guess. They didn’t have any best friend ones in the store,” you scoff, knowing damn well that was the reason for the sign on top of the gingerbread, not even sure if they bake ones with best friends signs on them in the first place.

“They did, actually,” he sheepishly mumbles, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“Then why- why didn’t you just take that one?” you ask, feeling your blush growing deeper and deeper.

“Well, umm-” he musters up to awkwardly mutter, “well, you see, I was wondering if maybe you could make that statement on the gingerbread true, you know?” he asks, seeing you freeze.

You feel like something hit you over your head, you feel like you are dreaming. Because this surely cannot be happening right now, right?

“If not, I can just eat that one and buy you a ‘best friends forever’ one instead, it’s all good, you know, but you could just let me know now so I-”

You cut him off, eagerly throwing yourself into his arms, giggling to yourself. His body relaxes in the instance, his hands gripping your hips as he holds you close, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” you nod, pulling away from him so you can look him in the eye.

His eyes are smiling back at you, a shy gaze sent your way as he bites down on his lip before leaning in and softly kissing your forehead again, just like that day at the airport. When he pulls away, he sees you staring at him with stars in your eyes, making him the happiest person on this whole entire planet, cursing himself for not buying the pretty necklace with ‘my love’ written on it back in Japan instead.

But as he sees you gazing onto him, his eyes fall down onto your lips subconsciously, inviting you to take the first step now, standing on your tip-toes to lock your lips in a sweet peck.

And right then and there, you realise he has always been the sweetest gift of them all.

GENNY❣❣❣once again, sUrPrIsE hihi umm okay,,well i hope you like this 😎 i am glad i could finally write about jeongin some more,,also i am so glad i got you as my assigned person because ENGENE TWINS !! you are actually my first engene friend djdk yes i did say friend because we are legally friends now i dont make the rules. thanks for answering my random ass questions and for screaming about enhypen with me <33 you are a really cool and wholesome bean and i hope we can continue being friends hihi ily

— your 🎄 anon, Bar <3

#districtninewriters #kafenetwork #stayverse #stayhavennet #kpopscape #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids drabble #stray kids fluff #stray kids oneshot #jeongin imagine #jeongin scenario #jeongin drabble #jeongin fluff #jeongin oneshot

158 notes · View notes

peggyrose19 · 3 years

Text

here have a fun fact unrelated to the rest of this post: my university has an unofficial banana patrol instagram account and it’s the best thing i’ve ever seen. it was started 2 days ago. they have 41 posts

pls just ignore the rest of this

do you ever just.....not want to wake up? you just want to stay in bed all day and sleep so nothing hurts anymore and nothing is hard anymore. and not even in a suicidal way, there’s a difference and it’s subtle but it’s there. because you know there’s people out there that love you, you know you hold worth, you know there’s things worth living for. i know all of this. so no, you’re not suicidal. you’re not going to kill yourself, because despite it all you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to wake up.

but no you can’t do that because you have school and homework and expectations piled on you to do well and be okay and you never thought you’d want to hurt yourself but sometimes you can see the appeal. everyone’s out there having a grand old time it seems. they make friends and keep them, and they go out together and have fun. they post cute selfies on social media and everything is fucking great. they can just do this shit, they don’t overthink it. you haven’t made friends since the fourth grade, how on earth do they expect you to do it now? i’ve spent 18 months in my home how do i make friends with strangers? how do i make friends with people who are stable and good and kind and can do things at the drop of a hat and everything is fucking perfect? how do i pretend to be fine to a stranger when everything is falling apart and i just want to cry? i want my best friend back.

of course these strangers are all just normal. or at least normal in the ways that you aren’t. they don’t have an internal panic attack anytime a question is asked, anytime food or dining is brought up because they’re fucking normal and can just go do that shit while you’re left wondering what the fuck is wrong with you.

except you know what’s wrong and you can’t fix it because that’s too much and you can’t fix that when everything else is falling apart. and you hate how much it controls you. you hate it more than anything, and you can’t do anything about it. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate it so much.

there’s no comfort anymore. there’s nothing anymore because it’s all new and unfamiliar and not routine and somehow going to the wedding made everything worse because for 3 days you had the familiarity back and then it disappeared again behind pouring rain and red brake lights and you can’t get it back and goddamnit do i want it back.

i just want to go home but i can’t go home because i need to be here, i can’t just drop out. i’m expected to graduate college, i always have been, i can’t give up 10 days in. besides what would i do at home? sit around and mope? watch my mental health get even worse? or get a job and spend every day hating myself for forcing myself out of bed? that’s no way to live. so i can’t go home.

i haven’t written in weeks. i’ve read barely anything. television won’t hold my attention. homework is just grueling. the problem of course is i want to write. but i’m just so. empty. so what the hell do you do when nothing makes it better? when the escapes no longer work? it seems you turn to tiktok

i’ve been dissociating since i turned 18 and it’s been five months. or maybe it’s been 18. maybe it’s been since i turned 17 and the whole world went to shit. because nothing has truly happened since then, has it? i went to school on the computer and missed all my friends and i graduated and left dance and started college and saw my cousin get married and none of it is real none of it has happened.

and honestly i don’t even know what’s wrong anymore, i don’t know where all of this is coming from. i never thought this would be easy but i never thought it’d be this hard. the hard things are easy and the easy things are hard and i don’t want to do it anymore. why can’t things just be easy.

i promise i’m okay. because if i’m not okay then i don’t know what i am and i know i’m not okay but that’s not acceptable anymore. and please don’t ask if i’m okay because i may just fucking scream. it’s not your fault i promise. truly it’s not one’s fault, except maybe mine. or the patriarchy. either works at this point.

and maybe this is just an excuse to avoid actually getting help but who fucking knows certainly not me. if i tell you does it count as telling someone will i be okay again if i get it off my chest? well i’ll let you know i guess. so far i’m just tired. i’m so tired. and scared.

but whatever. it’s fine.

so i promise i’m okay. if you read this far, please don’t be too concerned. this isn’t goodbye or anything. please trust me on that. it’s just....a scream into the dark. or maybe a hope that something will get better.

anyways. i’m going to bed now cause i have to go to class in the morning as if everything is fine. ily all. thanks for all the support <3 and i’m hoping to get some writing posted again in the next couple weeks

#vent #delete later #if you saw this no you didn't #suicide mention #enjoy the banana fun fact #my school is wack

10 notes · View notes

vendettacanons · 4 years

Note

Did you like the ending to Little Hope?

// This is an unpopular opinion apparently, but yeah! Overall, I think Little Hope was a massive massive improvement from Man of Medan. Granted, it still fell into some of the same flaws and holes as Man of Medan.

// Putting things under a cut bc SPOILERS, and also because I got super emotional and really in-depth with a psychoanalysis portion of this.

// The game felt more beautiful and polished than the first admittedly. I liked the environment and lighting improvements. Man of Medan was well done, but Little Hope goes it just felt much more natural and at home.

// As far as flaws— The characters from the first game were a bit more memorable in a sense (at least Conrad, Fliss, and Brad were in my opinion) but don’t get me wrong, that is a low bar. I haven’t found any characters from the games thus far particularly noteworthy, memorable, or in fact... likable in any way really. It feels like we just never get to know them enough to actually form an opinion on them. And the traits they’re given don’t really match up with the dialogue options. Which, in Man of Medan, there really isn’t an excuse for. In Little Hope, it’s better explained that they aren’t real— the people represent caricatures of traits the bus driver exhibits. They’re symbols more than anything.

// The game follows two intertwined storylines that are actually blended together quite nicely, which is impressive because that is something that is hard to do without feeling forced (Outlast 2 I’m looking at you). And yeah, it does have its cliches and its moments where things feel very rough or make little sense, I won’t ignore those. The game definitely has its lapses in logic. And yes, it is very frustrating how a character can survive the whole game and die at the end— I was PISSED when I saw that happen but once I saw the ending it made sense why. The death of the characters means an incomplete story arc— or certain traits of the bus driver that were never addressed and thus were not given proper closure.

// I know a lot of people seemed to dislike the ending for one reason or another. A lot of people felt it was a copout and I know more than a few did not like the idea of “oh it was mental illness all along :/”. But personally, I loved that. I’m not sure what mental illness in particular the bus driver was dealing with, but I believe it was schizophrenia. And honestly, the game handled it so well in my opinion. It didn’t glorify it or use it as a scapegoat or demonize it, it didn’t use it as a last minute explanation, the ending cutscenes with Vince literally show that it was the underlying cause of everything the entire time and we just never put it together. Which is exactly what the characters felt too. We were experiencing things from a first-person perspective, while trying to figure things out from a third-person perspective, and that really hit me because that is what it’s like to be schizophrenic. It is trying to rationalize what your mind is conjuring up, trying to understand that it isn’t real when it feels so, so convincingly tangible. And that’s another part of it the ending captured well. People with schizophrenia often don’t have any idea that what they’re seeing isn’t real, and so being snapped out of it can be just as jarring for them as it was for us when we realized the truth.

// A lot of people don’t think the game’s display of it was realistic for a lot of reasons, but the truth is, it’s surprisingly realistic in its portrayal. I liken it to ‘A Beautiful Mind’ a lot and I’ll explain why.

1) The town’s history includes witch trials like those mentioned in Salem. If you’ve ever seen or read the very popular Crucible, which features an interpretation of the witch trials the game is based off, then it explains why the flashbacks happen. Knowledge of certain events that one is familiar with tend to impact what kinds of hallucinations someone with schizophrenia may have.

2) The traumatic events at the beginning. We know the bus driver is the sole survivor of a fire that killed his entire family. He was falsely blamed for it even after he was cleared of charges and still holds guilt over not being able to save anyone from his family and is haunted by a result, which is why he has these hallucinations of friends that share the appearance of his family, and why he keeps seeing their faces everywhere— in flashbacks, in photos— everywhere. The idea of hallucinating entire people or having grand delusions, while not particularly common among most schizophrenics, is still very much something that many experience, especially if they’ve been traumatized or are untreated. He even acknowledges that it’s his family he’s seeing if he saves Mary and persecutes the priest in the last flashbacks.

3) The demons. A lot of people think it fell in line with the stereotype that schizophrenics “see monsters” and this disliked it. And again, while this is not always the case, there are many cases of this happening. In the worst cases, schizophrenics have reported seeing horrible disfigured people and creatures, and these are usually created by perceptions that are more or less the same as when you see a creepy-shaped shadow in your room in the dark. They can sometimes be based off of things seen in movies, in horror events, or culminated by other experiences, but the bottom line is that they can be conjured by the mind. And in the game, they serve as a symbol of guilt. They are the embodiment of “inner demons”, and they will kill whatever characters don’t finish their arc of progression it seems.

4) Repetitive cycles. Schizophrenics tend to see patterns. Not everyone of course, but noticing patterns and repeating them is a common trait. (Again, think ‘A Beautiful Mind’: the scenes where he looks for code patterns and keeps seeing Game Theory everywhere). The deaths of the characters and their Witch Trial doubles coincide with how the family died at the beginning: Daniel’s og died on the fence, his double died on a fence, he can die by being spreared by his demon, the father was crushed to death, the Witch Trial Version was crushed to death, John can have his neck snapped, etc. These “patterns of thought” are another common sign in schizophrenics. Seeing or doing things over and over again. His families faces is the big tie-in really.

5) Smaller note: Identity. As with everything else on this list, this doesn’t apply to all schizophrenics but many do hallucinate their own identities when they are deluding. Hence why the bus driver keeps seeing a younger version of himself. This is not so common as the other symptoms but it exists.

// Overall, Little Hope seemed like a massive improvement from Man of Medan, and while I normally don’t like the idea of mental illness being used as a giant plot hook, in Little Hope it was done tactfully and respectfully. It provided the blueprint for an engaging storyline and was addressed in a manner that was clearly very well-researched. It was not made light of in any sort of way, and it still managed to provide for a very entertaining game experience while also providing a very deep message: ‘we all have to confront our pasts and lay them to rest at some point. It’s never too late to forgive yourself.’ To me, Little Hope was amazing and I was genuinely brought to tears because of how close to home it hit, and how it told such a good story of someone with a mental illness I’m all too familiar with. Words can’t describe how much it meant to me to see a story being portrayed like that with such tact.

// And again, this is just my opinion on everything. These are just my interpretations of events that happen and connections I made while playing. I haven’t even addressed a lot of things in the game but if I did this post would be even longer so let me just leave it at: yes, I like Little Hope a lot. It has a special place in my heart, it made me cry, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good horror game experience. Also, if you haven’t, please go watch ‘A Beautiful Mind’. I don’t normally mention movies as a primary source, but that movie is based off of the true story of John Nash and was pulled from his biography. It’s very eye-opening and beautiful.

// And also as a disclaimer: I am not a professional psychologist or anything. My facts are based solely off of my own research, my own consultations with professionals, and first-hand experiences (with undifferentiated schizophrenia specifically). Pls don’t take what I say as fact, do your own research, talk to professionals for more insight, and take what I say with a grain of salt. Your Mileage May Vary and that’s okay. ❤️

#// v? crying on main?#// it’s more likely than you think #so this is what you meant : ask #i’m never changing who i am : anonymous #// ooc #// mun v #// mun v rambles #tw violence mention #tw death mention #tw fire mention #tw trauma mention #little hope #the dark pictures anthology #tdpa #the dark pictures #the dark pictures little hope

17 notes · View notes

rangotangomango · 4 years

Note

Okay, but which in your opinion is the better avatar, Aang or Korra (I've not yet watched LoK) And btw love your blog! :)

(thank you so much!!!!!! for sending an ask and being so sweet!!! every time your blog pops up on my dash or in my notifs i get excited bc ik u always have the best posts!!)

❗️spoilers for LoK❗️(like half of its spoilers lmao)

omg this is a LOADED question!! aang will always have a special place in my heart, and he went through so much so young. he took responsibility when he was no where near ready and did an amazing job!! (i don’t think the way that his parenting style was explained in LoK was accurate to his character arc and was just used to develop his kids character’s and humanize him but that’s a whole different rant) he also stayed true to his beliefs in a really well written way in the finale, and just has one of the best character arcs and has one of purest hearts. he was an amazing avatar and changed the world in his time buttttt, korra enemies that were way worse!! she faced the spirit of evil incarnate and won, was tortured by zaheer, brought back the airbenders, balanced the spirit and mortal world, had her bending taken, and took out a dictator with an insanely powerful weapon. the show portrays her mental health journey in a way never explored in atla and she grows so much as a person throughout the series. korra is not a perfect person. she’s arrogant, impulsive, stubborn, and kinda mess sometimes but she learns from her mistakes and becomes a kind, merciful, and mature person by the end of the series (also wlw rep makes me go godysiskxhosksidoskxjdi). one of the reasons the show gets so much distain is for a few reasons in my opinion.

1. the plot fuels the character development while in atla the character development fuels the plot

2. the show was originally written to have one season. each time they made a new season it was expected to be the last but nickelodeon was like aha sike make another one after the last episode was written to be the conclusion. so there isn’t much flow between the seasons but i still think they did a great job with it!!

3. not to be controversial but i stg some of y’all just hate seeing women be flawed and powerful. (i see the same shit with katara discourse... of course she talks about her trauma a lot!!! she’s 14 and it dictates her entire way of life???? plus it’s a way to relate to ppl shut the fuck up u guys suck) like she’s not perfect and that’s the point!!!!! neither was zuko or sokka but we all love them!!! it’s the character development that’s important!!! people/characters change!! especially korra!!! which is one of the reasons i love her!!! (i’m have the big gay for her ok??? wlw himbo rights.)

in conclusion i am indecisive and love them both and they are just so different. both are amazing but korra objectively did more avatar-y stuff in the series??? on the other hand aang is baby and i would die for him.

also pls ignore my lack of capitalization i’m typing on my phone and have my caps turned off hehe

#LoK #legend of korra #aang #atla #atla aang #korra #avatar the legend of korra #avatar the last airbender #i am in love with korra #i will never not defend her #aang is a baby angel and i just #i just love him ok???????#we stan and support katara on this blog #katara #atla is my fav but i will fight for korra jddofifk

27 notes · View notes

savnofilter · 4 years

Text

answering all anonymous asks

i have a lot of mixed opinions and stuff so i just compiled them into one post. the public ones i will be posting separately, simply because i feel they are different. all responses are under the cut!

tw: mentions of pedophilia and gore.

i am and thank you!! i havent really eaten since tuesday but ive trying to keep my fluids up. i hope you are doing okay as well, anon!

~ i learned about puberty when i was 6 only because my sisters had already learnt it (ages 8). the educational sites used were always catered to helping the youth learn about periods, puberty, and everything that comes along with it. once i was at age 8, i also had access to the sites as well.

~ the idea of sex was brought around to me around 8. at 9 i had an experience but i will not get into it since it’s still slightly traumatic for me. other than having a negative experience with it, i yet again already had an understanding because of my older sister’s and i’s class experiences to have a grasp of it.

i would also like to add that my parent were never prudes. bringing up this point, disclaimer that they havent done anything weird to me or my sister. once i was 11 (in 6th grade), i was learning about sex and reproduction. my mother has always told me if i had any questions about that type of stuff, that i should never be afraid to ask.

if she felt anything was too explicit she would tell me that i didnt have to learn about that right now and that when i am older she would be receptive responding. i honestly think the hate stems from the fact that they dont get dicked down well enough from their own bfs that they have to write the pent up frustration on minor characters.

i mean with the cult running around, yes it is. if you are not in a close circle or have an established following, you will have a much harder time getting your stuff out there. its not impossible but it is much definitely more difficult to start up.

if you need help with getting your work out there i am more than welcome in trying to help you out tho!

THANK. YOU. someone had to fucking say it, couldnt be me since they refuse to listen to me. do you know how predatory in itself trying to control what minors of the same age doing together???? the only time i can see minors getting “arrested” unless it was public indecency. also why are you an adult knowing about 14 y.os getting arrested for sexual intercourse? 🤡

it definitely is safe. the people most active are teenagers so do not feel afraid. if there are any concerns please come to me since i am the original and head of the server.

!!! exactly. her sorry ass callout post about my age and followers LOL. “sorry i have more notes than you” i- i had to laugh. i think its so funny because if this was about followers i wouldve done this earlier, not when i hit 5,000 followers.

^ this. all it took was a gabby hannah callout post about my age cnckjsvd couldnt be me. these people preach about keeping kids safe, the kids of the fandom speak up about an abuse and toxicity problem and suddenly we’re ruining the fandom? pick one or the other pls. 🤡

i just honestly find it concerning that theyre thirsting over a character thats um.... HALF YOUR AGE. fake or not its weird asf. its really not your place to say people shouldnt be uncomfortable because you write them “aged 18+” and the most you age them up to is 18 and still write them in U.A. i dont really understand why its such a hard concept to understand.

i just think its concerning that the same people who think i have no sexual awareness have no problem writing characters my age and the only version that theyre aged up is in their fics.

theres something wrong in this equation here.... 😗

lmao these adults have no problem giving people trauma. and yes, yes, and yes. we arent saying that there is a problem aging them up, its how you do it. its really the fact that theyre aging them up and having them at the dorms and aizawa is still somehow, their homeroom teacher? please make it make sense.

if youre especially going to age up someone and youre about 22+, your excuse is that, “their fake so it shouldnt be a problem” is predatory in all the wrong kind of ways.

^ they hate to see it. but once again they did make this an age thing,,, obviously they only learned about sex when they hit 18, and i have hacked the system and infiltrated adult territory. 🤡

right. people are like 16 y.os cant have sex -- no its in place so adults like you dont think you can fuck them any younger. thats all i have to say. but no, im fifteen, i dont have a brain or any sense of the world. no h*rny card for me.

💀 imagine being old enough to understand that stuff can be triggering and no human should even be saying that... getting those shane dawson gore fantasies here.

“no one is mad at you for writing smut. adults are mad because youre writing smut”

your adults arent mentally sound and this is why im making this post. ❤️

lmao i am okay!! ive been having phantom nerve pain where my knuckles are because of that ask though and i had a gore dream. : ) i spoke clearly and properly, when i took them as a joke (yknow being the clowns that they are), they got mad! 1/10, would not recommend a conversation! apparently shes more mature about me but her last post was about riding a teenager’s forehead cnjk vdfd COULD NOT BE ME. she choose to ignore all the other claims and it shows~ 🍵

i dont really mind, ive been wanting to talk about my age on this blog for a really long time since last but sometimes things come sooner than later. even if you dont support my work, i still thank you for supporting me as a person!

RIGHT?! im just really concerned that there are adults who understand that there are moral issues here and some dont. this is why im making a post on a select few and not the whole adult community. thank you for coming to my TED talk.

LMFAO but they dont see it?! 😂 i think me writing about characters my own age is much better than someone who has 10+ years, or better yet, MORE THAN HALF THEIR AGE writing about them. you had your hormones suppressed, doesnt mean mine should as well. 💓

personally, if i was an adult and i made a callout post on someone’s age, i would put a disclaimer to not bully the minors in question,,, just putting out there. your mature and respectful queen is doing magic. 🥰

^ and let me make it clear, after the point of time i realized that following was 18+ blogs was bad, i stopped following them. and even now im sifting through and unfollowing all of them. yes, i do have a brain at fifteen and can think. i know its a foreign concept for some people. 😳

no no no, its okay! i lied about being an adult so this all my fault. :D just think its concerning someone so easily can say one thing and everyone can follow. real cult behaviour and shes the leader. been thinking about making a mean girls poster and sticking her pfp on regina, but even regina had redemption and realized she had work to do. : )

lmao these people have said, “i started reading/writing smut when i was 11-13 but i realized how wrong it was and stopped” so how does it differ from me? you dont magically get good at 18. dont be a hypocrite.

even adults themselves are afraid to speak up. all it took was a shitty post for them to ignore the whole story. these people ignore all the abuse, therapy, toxicity, pedophilia (umbrella term) and everything else that she and her friends are being brought to light about. it shows how much of a blind eye that people have.

this is not a tati situation, i will not go back on my words.

this is understandable. this is even past the age, and this me repeating myself once again. i wasnt even the one who said i was groomed i- its people who were in your, space. think about that.

it really is. and what makes it more concerning that the same people who preach this will talk about how they want to, “beat us the fuck up” or rip our fingers for showing out concern for the vagueness of aged up in fics sometimes.

i even stated that its not everyone who does this but no one will listen.

#tw gore #tw grooming #sav talks

25 notes · View notes

istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 5 years

Text

Would You Be Mad? (SMUT)

anonymous said: Since requests are open can I request a smutty yet fluffy Bri please ? 💞

(a/n: srry for any typos im posting this RLLY quick before i go into work so pls dont roast me ok enjoy ur sinful sunday u nasties. also as always gif creds to @imladrs)

There were a lot of things in life you’d expected to hear from Brian May. Let me tune my guitar again, did you hear about this obscure blah blah scientific find, Roger’s an arse, why is Freddie being a tart, is there a meat-free option – you had heard them all. You expected them, and in turn, you received.

“If I kissed you, would you be mad at me?” was not one of those things. But now you had heard it, live and in the flesh, and you had no idea how to react.

You had chose to spend the night in, declining a night on the town with the boys, and Brian ended up missing you about an hour into drinking, so his tipsy giant self managed to show up on your doorstep, looking undeniably fit in a simple green polyester button up and black trousers. The buttons of the shirt were undone to the middle of his chest and was askew from his hour at the club, revealing hints of a gently tanned, slim torso, and his mid-waist trousers only accentuated his already long legs. He’d drank just enough to give his eyelids a bit of weight, and the way he looked at you with heavy hazel eyes and a toothy grin made your cheeks heat up.

God, keep it in your pants, you’d thought as you let him in. And maybe he’d been thinking the same. After all, you weren’t expecting company, so your lace and silk teddy/shorts combo was practically leaving little to be desired for. But neither of you had followed that rule tonight, and now you were here, Brian fucking May asking if you would be angry if he kissed you. As if.

It started out innocent enough. You’d invited him in, gotten him a glass of water and some snacks. He was grateful, and sat cross-legged on the end of your pull-out couch’s bed, snacking away. You returned to your laying position you’d been in before he’d arrived, on your side facing him, when he’d suddenly brought up your ex in the middle of polite conversation.

“How is Colin?” he asked, visibly sneering as he said his name and making you laugh as you toyed with the pages of your book, not really reading at this point. Brian was now laid down at a weird angle, his head resting against your stomach as he laid across the diagonal length of the bed so that his feet weren’t dangling off. Sitting your book to the side, you began to play with a piece of his hair and pursed your lips, trying to think of the last time you’d heard from Colin.

You knew Brian had always disliked him thoroughly, and this had led to Colin accusing Brian of trying to steal you from him, which had blown up into this whole big thing that ended in Colin leaving and Brian trying to avoid seeing you so he wouldn’t upset you. But it didn’t last. Brian was back within a few weeks, showing up at random times to spend the day with you. After all, you’d both clearly preferred each other’s company the most for a long time, and had been close friends for even longer. Even Roger was jealous of how much time Brian spent with you, but he never made a big deal about it with Brian. Instead, he made it a running joke, but that was okay with you, and you assumed it was okay with Brian (It was - he loved it).

“Haven’t got a clue, honestly,” you admitted, twirling a single curl around your finger before slowly stretching it out. “Haven’t seen him since he showed up on my doorstep drunk last month,” you teased playfully, giving his hair a gentle tug and smiling softly. “But I turned him away.”

Brian, unbeknownst to you, gasped softly and shifted his hips, turning a brilliant shade of red as you tugged on his hair. He was already drunk and horny, so everything about you in your silk teddy and shorts, right there for the taking, was turning him on. Now it was getting to the point where he needed to act on it before he had a mess to clean up in his trousers. They were restricting enough that he felt like he was going to burst out of his pants if he wasn’t careful, so he flipped over on his stomach, holding back a sharp inhale as his clothed cock rubbed up against the bed while he was getting comfortable.

After a shaky recovery breath, he spoke. “The difference between me and Colin showing up on your doorstep is that I’m a young, dashing, intelligent man here to have a good night in with you, and he’s just… well, Colin.” That got you giggling, and Brian grinned lopsidedly as he rested his head on both of his hands, crossing them and laying down on your thighs. His warm, twinkling eyes scanned your face as you laughed, soaking all of it in. “Besides, fuck him!”

“Why so?” you asked, a cheeky edge to your voice as you sat up a bit. You’d be lying if you said the sight of Brian down there wasn’t doing something for you, so upped the ante a bit against your common sense. “And I mean, I have, so there’s that.”

“Oh, you know what I meant,” Brian groaned, still grinning as he propped his arm up on your leg carefully, resting his head in his hand. “I bet he’s a lousy fuck either way. Probably doesn’t even know how to last longer than 30 seconds.”

“Well, you’re not wrong there,” you mused, mainly to yourself, and then you reached out again to toy with his hair. “I don’t even know if he was attracted to me very much. It seemed like I didn’t really do it for him unless I was a quick fuck. Must not have been his type or something.”

“You, not doing it for him?” Brian asked, his voice unashamedly incredulous. “The man must be blind, then. You’re way too pretty to just be a ‘quick fuck.’” Your cheeks flushed a bit as he continued to watch you, eyelids still heavy from the liquor in his system but his eyes alive and teeming with energy. “You’re beautiful, Colin’s a prick for not appreciating you as much as you deserve.”

“Brian, you’re just drunk and saying that to be nice. Stop being such a sweetheart,” you laughed softly.

He rolled his eyes and gave you an ‘are you kidding’ look before shaking his head. “I’m serious, Y/N, you’re gorgeous. You’re mental if you don’t think I’m telling the truth. Why won’t you believe me?”

“Ouch,” you laughed, rubbing the side of your face and smiling as Brian cocked his head to the side a bit, curious. “I’m mental? That pisses me right off, I’ll have to kick you out of here for that one.”

“Oh, no!” Brian pretended to be panicked, but it only lasted a moment before he started grinning dopily again. “I don’t want to make my lovely host angry, I take it back.” A wide grin spread across your face as you gently shoved his shoulder, and his unbalanced equilibrium made him fall backwards with a groan. And when he rolled over, you were immediately distracted by the bulge in the crotch area of his pants, your cheeks flushing even more than before.

Suddenly, the air was tense as Brian noticed where you were looking, but he didn’t seem ashamed when he met your gaze again. Instead, he sat up, hovering over you as he kept eye contact, his gears shifted completely. No longer was playful Brian up to bat. This was different, a Brian you’d never seen before. He was imposing, attentive, and sensuous as his hand came to rest on your side. There was still a sweet look in his eyes, but something else lingered there, something darker.

You tried to say something, anything, but no words would come to mind as you stared back at him for what seemed like way too long. His tongue darted out and quickly wetted his lips as he glanced at yours, and then you spoke, finally remembering that the two of you were actually in the middle of a conversation. “You take it back? What part?”

He ignored that, the corner of his lip tugging upward as he leaned in a bit closer, then stopped himself. “If I kissed you, would you be mad at me?” His voice was somewhat clear, drunkenly unafraid, and he watched your eyes for any hint of a reaction as you remained quiet, biting your lip.

Finally, you responded. “Can’t be kicking you out if you kiss me, can I?” Brian’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he chuckled, and his hand slid around you to rest on your lower back as he pressed his forehead against yours, your noses brushing up against one another’s before you closed the distance and pressed your lips to his.

He tasted like whiskey and beer, an intoxicating mix of the two still lingering on his lips as he kissed back, a languorous pace to it while he savored the feeling of your lips on his. You reached up to cup his jaw with one hand, and he almost leaned into your touch as he tilted his head slowly, deepening the kiss and pressing your body up against his. The taut front fabric of his trousers pressed up against your thigh, so you raised your thigh up a bit to rub it against his bulge.

A breathy moan escaped his lips, Brian pulling away for a moment to regain his thoughts before he kissed you again, rolling over on his back and pulling you on top of him. He wasn’t urgent about it, taking it slow and easy as he sat up a bit to make it easier for the both of you. His hand rubbing up and down your side, he spoke against your lips quietly, just for the two of you to hear, even if there was not a single soul around. “Hey, I meant it when I said you’re beautiful.”

You smiled against his lips, kissing his lower lip before gently taking ahold of it with your teeth and tugging a bit. He made a pleased noise in the back of his throat and moved his hand to rest under your teddy, his rough skin brushing up against the soft curve of your waist. “Tell me how beautiful I am,” you murmured, ducking your head under his chin and pressing an affectionate kiss there, then trailing your lips down his neck and pressing lazy kisses to it as you made your way down to just above where his shirt started coming together.

“God, Y/N,” he almost whispered, his eyes watching your every move as you looked up at him through your lashes, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, button by button. “You’re like a fucking dream to look at, love.”

That brought a sly smile to your lips, and you unbuttoned the last button on his shirt, pushing it open to expose his whole torso. You straddled his hips as you did so, running your hands up his lightly toned, slim chest. His ribs just poked out of his skin, and you pressed a kiss to his collarbone before moving back up to kiss him on the lips again. This time he was more eager, trapping you there with a firm hand resting on the nape of your neck. But you didn’t mind, and you moved your lips in sync with him as he rested his free hand on your hip. He finally pulled away to take a breath, and you took the opportunity to pull your teddy up and over your head, tossing it to the side.

Brian’s pupils dilated even more as he looked over your body, marveling quietly at you. You pushed off his shirt as he ogled, tossing it to the side as well and reaching down to toy with the button on his pants afterwards. His teeth found his lip, and he chewed on it as he tore his eyes away from your body to look back up at you, a smile gracing his lips when you raised an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, distracted,” he mumbled, pulling you back in for a quick kiss before starting to push down your sleep shorts. “You’re too stunning, you have an unfair advantage right now.”

You giggled at that, moving off of him carefully to push off your sleep shorts. Now you were completely naked in front of Brian, your friend, and you didn’t feel at all nervous. It was like he was meant to see you like this, and there were no expectations. His praise was probably fueling most of that, but it was nice to be appreciated like this. “You’re not bad yourself, so I see no advantage,” you teased quietly, kneeling between his legs and undoing the buttons of his trousers as you kept eye contact with him.

Carefully kicking his pants off once you’d unbuttoned them and pulled them down, Brian watched in drunken amazement as you hovered over him for a moment before pressing a kiss to his abdomen. You reached up with one hand to palm him through his boxers, and received a throaty groan in response. His hand brushed back through your hair, and he admired you with a lustful, yet doting look in his eyes.

“Oh, Jesus,” he breathed out as you moved down to brush your lips over the thin layer of fabric that separated you from his cock. His eyelids fluttered closed as you did so, his head falling back against the back of the couch a bit. It took all of his energy to lift his head again and look at you, his lips parted slightly as he took shallow, quick breaths. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Y/N.”

This time, you only grinned mischievously in response to his slurring compliments, moving to the side to pull down his boxers. His cock sprung free from its restraints readily, but Brian didn’t even give you a chance to admire him before he was on top of you again, his lips attaching to your shoulder. Brian pinned you down with his own body, his cock brushing up against your thigh as he reached down to rub your clit hard and slow, eliciting a quiet purr of pleasure from you and making him shiver at the noise.

“So, so beautiful,” he mumbled against your shoulder, trailing love bites along the skin framing it and searching up your neck before stopping at your jaw. “You’re an angel,” he whispered this time, his lips agonizingly close to your ear and making goosebumps rise on your arms as you felt his hot breath against your earlobe.

You moaned lowly as his fingers pushed into you, your cheeks splotchy with redness as you felt an overload of lust and fondness at the same time. Brian was making you feel like a princess, but at the same time, his fingers were working so expertly at your core that you were quickly unraveling in his hands. “Bri,” you murmured, and he pulled back to gaze down at you as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you, a cocky smile playing at his lips. You weren’t sure how to phrase it, but a curl of his fingers inside of you and the thought came tumbling out of your mouth before you could stop it. “Make love to me?”

Something in his demeanor changed as he slowed down, then pulled his fingers out of you and instead slid them up your sex, slick from how wet he’d made you in such a short time. “Make love to you?” he clarified, not even seeming remotely put off by the idea. You nodded, biting your lip as you studied his face, trying to gauge his reaction. “Of course,” he finally replied, his voice full of tenderness as he slowly rubbed his fingers around your clit in circles and ducked down to engage you in a quick but deep, passionate kiss.

All of your nerve endings felt like they were in flames at this point, every point on your body hypersensitive. You felt his hand leave your core, his hips shifting as he moved to sit back on his heels, grabbing his wallet out of his jeans and retrieving a condom. You watched as he put it on, focused on doing it right, and you found yourself blushing lightly as he met your gaze once he’d rolled it on.

“You sure you want this?” he asked, genuinely wanting to make sure you were being honest as he went to kneel between your legs. You nodded, and he smiled goofily, his drunken eyes holding even more of a smile than his own lips as he leaned up to kiss your forehead. His forehead then resting against yours, he took your hips with one hand and pulled you a bit closer, wrapping his other hand around his length and lining himself up carefully. You watched this happen, then looked up into his eyes, which were unnervingly close to your own. He noticed this and looked up at you, meeting your gaze with an unreadable emotion flitting across his face as he slowly pushed into you, maintaining eye contact.

The pressure of him filling you was almost alien, as it had been a moment since you’d even fooled around with anyone besides Colin, on top of the fact that this was Brian, your close friend, someone you’d never really expected to have on top of you. Your arms wrapped around his torso as you inhaled sharply, your fingers digging into his back when he bottomed out in you, a soft gasp escaping his lips. After a moment, he pulled out halfway and began to thrust slowly, with a purpose. Each roll of his hips was careful, calculated, and oh-so-satisfying as he focused on taking it slow, his nose nuzzled up against your cheek and short, shaky breaths hitting your jaw with each thrust.

“Brian, you feel so good,” you moaned in appreciation, his hips pressing against yours with each thrust. He groaned something incoherent, one hand gripping the top of the couch above your head and supporting his weight as he found your hand with his free one, lacing his fingers into yours and squeezing your hand. That little gesture made your heart soar, and you arched your back slightly to press up against him, your bodies melded together as he pushed himself into you, deep and slow.

“Oh, Y/N, you’re fucking amazing,” he groaned out, gradually speeding up his thrusts as he buried his face in your neck, murmuring praises over and over. One of your hands found his hair, and you tangled your fingers in it as you let your head fall back against the back of the couch, in complete bliss because of Brian’s gentle way with you. When his lips brushed up against your sweet spot, you involuntarily curled up your fingers in his hair and tugged slightly, making him choke out a low groan as his hips stuttered for a moment. He couldn’t be in this position if he wanted to last any longer, so he pulled out of you, to your chagrin, but he quickly laid on his side and turned you on your side as well. You were facing away from him, and you gasped softly in surprise as he lifted your leg up and slowly slid his cock into you again, his lips pressed firmly against your shoulder.

Colin had never taken you like this. In fact, no one had ever taken you like this before, and you were on cloud 9 as he thrusted into you carefully, his hips pressing against your ass with every thrust and making you smile in pure bliss. So it only added to your pleasure when he reached around you to rub your clit in time with his thrusts. This was overload, and you couldn’t mask your excitement as you moaned out his name, which made him grunt in appreciation and let out a few noises of pleasure himself. He cursed under his breath as you rested your hand on his forearm, gripping it tightly to ground yourself as he made waves of ecstasy roll through you.

Brian was just as undone as you were, the feeling of your hand gripping on to him for dear life only sending him closer to the edge as he thrusted into you deeper and faster, his thrusts becoming sloppy and signaling to you that he couldn’t last much longer. “God, you’re perfect,” he breathed out, resting his forehead against your shoulder as his lips remained parted in a silent moan, his trembling breaths hitting your back and making you shiver. When he knew he couldn’t hold out any more, he had to slip his free hand under your head and force your jaw to the side so that you were looking up at him, his head hovering over yours as he buried his cock as deep inside of you as he could go. He smashed his lips against yours, muffling the loud moans tumbling out of him as he came, hitting his climax and shaking a bit as his high ran its course.

You pulled away from the heated kiss as he quieted down a bit, an almost pitiful moan escaping his lips at the loss of contact, but you were too close to the edge to notice much as his fingers continued to rub your clit quickly. He was intent on making you climax now, his fingers working wildly at your core as he pulled out, and you looked up into his eyes, your lips parting as you moaned his name, your climax hitting you all at once and sending you reeling. He watched you unravel beneath him, his name on your lips repeatedly as you rode out your high while keeping eye contact with him, and it was enough of a sight to make him groan lowly, even though he was far from being horny anymore.

As soon as you’d came down from your high, your eyelids fluttered closed and you sighed softly, nuzzling into his hand. “Holy shit, Brian,” you murmured, exhausted from what had just taken place and overwhelmed by how good he’d just made you feel.

“You okay?” he asked, running his thumb along your lower lip, and when you nodded, he smiled softly and climbed over you, ambling his way into the kitchen. He cleaned himself off and disposed of the condom properly, then came back with a rag so you could clean yourself up as he pulled his boxers on again. He handed you his shirt after you’d cleaned yourself up a bit, and you sat up to pull it on, buttoning it almost all the way up. Brian climbed back onto the bed with you, halfway sitting up next to you and watching you quietly.

After you’d gotten yourself at least somewhat covered up with his shirt, you looked over to him and smiled before laying down by his side, curling up against him and wrapping your arm around his torso. He ran his fingers back through your hair, taking a deep breath before resting his hand on your head.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmured, his voice full of admiration as he watched your eyelids flutter closed again, your breathing slowing down considerably. You reached over and took his hand that was on the opposite side of him, intertwining your fingers together and resting them back on the bed as you hummed softly.

“Good night, drunkard that showed up on my doorstep,” you replied sleepily, Brian laughing and shaking his head as he settled down next to you, pulling a blanket over the both of you before drifting off to a peaceful, deep sleep.

taglist - @crosmopolitan @just-ladyme @rogerfxckingtaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok @moreinfinite @fruityfreddie @poachedhazontoast @strawberryfields-forever @imladrs @psychoticobsession

message me/reply to this to be added to the permanent taglist!

#brian may x reader #brian may smut #brian may imagine #brian may x reader smut #queen smut #queen imagine #smut

706 notes · View notes

so-langdon · 5 years

Text

Cracks - Duncan Shepherd x Fem! Reader

Summary: After finding out the news of being adopted, Duncan goes to Y/N for comfort.

Warnings: Third person POV, fluff, angst, sad! Duncan, some swearing

A/N: I’ve never been interested in watching House of Cards, but I just watched season six, purely for Duncan, and even then I skimmed through and only watched the Duncan scenes loll. So if anything seems off from the actual story, pls forgive

Also will post the next chapter of Innocence Meets Corruption sometime next week hopefully!! :))

“You know, she told me to ask you something,” Duncan spoke towards his mother. “She told me to ask you where I came from,” he adds, an expression of hesitation and potential betrayal registering on his face.

The look on Annette’s face was all it took for Duncan to realize the reality. The confirmation of what Claire's questions meant when telling Duncan to ask Annette of where he came from; asking him of the first memory he had of his mother.

He knew now. Especially as Annette stalked back down the hall into the other room, demanding Seth to put out the headline of Claire's abortion of sixteen weeks, completely ignoring Duncan’s questioning.

Duncan was as put together as he looked. He was confident, composed and self-assured. He was handsome, intelligent, smooth and charismatic. He knew how to do his job and he knew how to do it well. He knew all of this about himself. He might come off as arrogant to some, but he was just self-aware, humbly enlightened of his wealth, power and position.

But one seemingly little mistake, and it was desolation for him and his so called family.

Just before questioning Annette of where he came from, his “uncle” Bill was throwing a tantrum of sorts. Duncan was being insulted, not just of his intelligence and choices, but whole being it seemed. It wasn’t like Duncan to get caught up in the emotions. But he couldn’t help that his uncle’s prior words of saying, “This towel is smarter than you,” “Seth is smarter than you,” “The sweat on my brow is smarter than you, Duncan,” seemed to hurt him in a way that normally wouldn’t have.

And now to add to that was his family was not even his actual family. Not really, not anymore, it seemed.

It was taking a difficult toll on him. His “uncle’s” words, plus finding out this family secret within such a short about of time was upsetting him more than he liked to admit. He wasn’t sure how to handle or react to any of it.

The only thing that came to mind regarding all this was he wanted to talk to a friend of his. Sort of a friend. The only person he could think of wanting to confide to that could be of any help or comfort was Y/N.

He’d met her a few years ago when out with a mutual group of friends for the evening. The friend group had planned on going out for a good time, wanting to get some drinks, relax and have fun. Y/N shared the same friends Duncan had, though the two had never personally met before until then.

Once out that night with their group of mutual friends and meeting each other, they hadn’t exactly clicked as everyone might have hoped. Duncan and Y/N were sarcastic and feisty towards each other, firing comebacks constantly back and forth, seeming to argue on everything: Which restaurant to attend, which bars to hop, what round of shots to order.

Their bickering was endless, but it somehow worked. Their constant back and forth was amusing, obvious teasing, though you’d never catch them sitting side by side or having just a friendly chat. Not when there was always something for them to argue about. You could say they were “frenemies,” having a love/hate relationship.

Nonetheless, no matter the amount they argued, there were times they could be civil and tolerate each other. Duncan also knew how kind and compassionate Y/N was. And this is what made him want to reach out to her in this distressing time of his life.

Taking a drive over to Y/N’s apartment once Duncan left the presence of his “mother” and “uncle”, he realized an impatience growing in him. He hurried, wanting to arrive to her doorstep as soon as he could, wanting to speak with her quickly. He felt himself deteriorating mentally over all that had happened to him within the last few hours and felt Y/N was his only outlet.

Duncan found himself knocking on her door quite frantically as he arrived, recognizing he needed to try and contain his composure before being greeted by the girl. He didn’t need to hear any teasing or bickering about his desperate knocking. Any teasing for that matter was the last thing he needed at this moment. But it was a risk he was willing for to see Y/N.

Duncan held his breath when hearing the locks of the door being unlocked. Whatever breath he held escaped his body when she answered the door. Though she narrowed her eyes at his presence, obviously confused, he couldn’t help but find her so gorgeous where she stood. Wearing a black over-sized band tee and black leggings, she looked adorably comfy and alluring all at once. It wasn’t unusual that he found himself drawn and attracted to her, but he always had to keep himself contained considering the type of relationship they had.

“Duncan Shepherd,” she spoke, almost sarcastically. “To what do I owe this,” she looked him up and down. “Pleasure?”

It’s caught her off guard with seeing Duncan, standing with his obvious fit and tall frame, broad shoulders, and brunette hair pushed back in a way that always had her trying not to stare for too long. She usually liked a clean shaven face, but the stubble on Duncan’s face always had her stomach flipping, and she dreaded the day he would shave it off, if ever. The way he carried himself, with such a dominant confidence, she often found herself trying not to blush over his handsome looks. Not to mention his gorgeous blue piercing eyes that always took her breath away.

“Thought we could have a bit of a chat,” Duncan spoke collectedly. “A chat, really,” she starts, not believing him. He stared back at her casually. “I know you better than that,” she crosses her arms. “I know there has to be some ulterior motive.” Duncan shakes his head nonchalantly. “What is it? Need extra people to attend some charity ball your family is holding? Or need more support for a Shepherd’s Foundation project? Because if so, I’m not interes--” “No, no, it’s nothing like that,” Duncan waves off. “I, I know this is.. out of the ordinary, but I thought we could.. hang out?” Duncan says laid-back. Y/N narrows her eyes. “Hang out,” she repeats confused. Duncan nodded. “Uh.. Are you sure there isn’t some other reason?” “Why? Is it so hard to believe I’d want to hang out with you?” Duncan asks questioningly. She laughs a bit, “You’re kidding, right? You know how we are with each other.” Duncan doesn’t say anything. “Uhm,” she looks behind her as if she were to be looking at someone. “Am I interrupting anything,” Duncan asks, pushing sudden disappointment and even slight jealousy down his throat. Looking back at Duncan, she shakes her head. “No, no. I was just, um,” she pauses. She sighs. “Okay. Don’t laugh, but.. I was watching Twilight,” she drops her arms. “Twilight,” Duncan actually laughs genuinely. “It’s my guilty pleasure, alright,” she defends. “I always liked the movies when I was younger. Everyone hated on it to just be ‘cool,’ and I don’t know, the story isn’t that bad.” Duncan raises his eyes like he’s calling bullshit. “Shut up,” she glares. “I said don’t judge me.” “I would never,” Duncan says teasingly. “Whatever,” she waves him off. “You want to come in then, or not?” She stands back, gesturing inside for him. Duncan gladly steps in, Y/N closing the door behind as he enters. “I’ll turn the movie off now, for your sake. But I hope you realize you’re cutting into my ‘me time.’ So you owe me,” she points, walking off into her living room and turning the movie off. “I’m so flattered,” Duncan retorts sarcastically as he follows her. “You should be. Of all the people to show to my doorstep, and it’s you,” she adds, shaking her head as she walks again towards her kitchen. “Oh come on, Y/N. You know you like me,” Duncan teases as he continues to follow her. Y/N walks around to the far side of her kitchen, rolling her eyes. “You are my least favorite human on the planet, Duncan.” “Then why are you allowing me into your home and letting me disturb your beloved Twilight time?” He asks as he stands at the door frame of the room. “Because I’m a nice fucking person, Shepherd,” she fires back.

Duncan grins, their banter and disputing always border-lining playfulness, therefore he knows that if he annoys her profusely, she still doesn’t hate him, even if she says she does.

“Anything you’d like to drink,” Y/N asks, reaching for her cabinets and opening them to grab some glasses. “Whatever you’re having,” Duncan says as he steps further into the kitchen and pulls a chair out at the counter bar in the middle of the room. “How about a shot of Whiskey,” Y/N offers as she places the glasses on the counter in front of him. “I’ll definitely have a glass,” Duncan explains, sighing out discreetly.

Biting her tongue, she can see that there’s something bothering Duncan. She heard it in his tone. She curiously wonders to herself what it could be, wondering if that’s why he’s actually come over to see her, maybe to talk to her about it. It would make more sense somehow compared to Duncan just wanting to “hang out” so suddenly.

Pouring Duncan a shot of whiskey and sliding the glass over to him, he gladly takes the cup, downing the drink in one swallow. She pours herself a glass too, and takes a seat beside Duncan at the counter where he sits. She refills Duncan’s glass again but tells him to slow down with a soft laugh.

“So what’s bugging you,” she asks, holding the glass in her hand but not drinking as she looks over at him beside her. Looking at her with a narrowed expression, he shakes his head a bit. “Bugging me? Nothing’s bugging me,” he lies. “Oh please,” she rolls her eyes. “Yes there is. I can read it on your face.” Duncan looks over at her with an impassive expression. “Don’t try and hide it now. I know something is bothering you,” she points out.

Duncan came over here in the first place wanting to confide and vent to Y/N, knowing she’s a good listener and nonjudgmental. But as he sits with her now in her kitchen, he can’t bring himself to utter the words he wants to. So he pushes it all down, trying to drown out the day’s events instead.

“Nope,” Duncan says as he downs the second shot of whiskey, letting out a deep sigh afterwards. “Just, coming to hang out.” “Seriously,” Y/N mutters, not believing him. “Yep.” Y/N sighs, “Alright. Whatever you say, Duncan. Cheers then,” she raises her glass and brings it to her lips, drinking down her whiskey shot. “I thought you didn’t like whiskey?” He questions as he watches her drink.

Y/N hated whiskey, actually. The smell, the taste, the burn afterwards. It disgusted her. It didn’t make her feel good or give her any way of relaxing. She despised the liquor. But she always had a bottle around now because she knew Duncan liked it, and when their friends would come over to hang out for whatever reason, she wanted to have the bottle just in case Duncan showed too, like last time.

She wasn’t going to admit this to him though.

“It’s alright sometimes,” Y/N grits, trying to hold back on giving a disgusted face over the taste and burn of the whiskey. She looks over at him. “It’s an acquired taste that not everyone appreciates.” “Didn’t I tell you that after you had a sip of my drink once and threw up over it?” Duncan asks, smirking lightly. “Don’t be so dramatic,” she scoffs. “I didn’t throw up.” “You were practically dry heaving,” Duncan rolls his eyes. “You’re exaggerating. I had never tried it before, I just needed to get used to it.” “Mhm,” Duncan smiles. “Whatever you say, Y/N.” “Bite me, Duncan,” she rolls her eyes again, looking away.

Duncan doesn’t say anything as he grins and looks her up and down in her seat, taking in her outward appearance. Finding her as a mix of adorable and sexy, and loving how sassy and full spirited she could be with him, yet there was a sweetness to her too.

Looking back at Duncan, she asks, “So what actually brought you over here?”

Duncan’s grin fades, looking down at the empty glass of whiskey in front of him. He had almost forgot what was bothering him.

Pushing the glass away, he sighs, and pushes a hand through his brunette locks. He wanted to speak to Y/N so badly of the day’s events, but something in him had him refraining because he didn’t want to seem weak, or even unlovable, with telling her about the news. He wouldn’t want Y/N to think of him in those ways as it would potentially ruin any positivity she had for him, if there was any at all.

He shrugs, “I told you. Just wanted to hang out.” “Don’t give me that. We’re not exactly two peas in a pod,” she says. “Out of all the friends we have, and you decide to show up to my doorstep? To hang out?” Duncan brings a hand to his mouth, wiping away as if something were there. He looks away, trying to think of an excuse he can come up with that isn’t the truth. “Duncan,” Y/N says, bringing his focus back to her as he looks back at her. “What’s going on?” “I hadn’t seen you in awhile,” he tries to play off. She sighs out again. “Fine. Okay, I won’t pry. You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you, why you showed up,” she starts. “But you can talk to me, about whatever, if you need, you know,” she adds, tone softening.

He knew he could talk to her, which was the whole point of why he showed up. But he became more fearful in telling her what was going on the longer he sat there in front of her. Part of him desperately wanted to vent to her, to let out everything, but the other part kept him on lock down, refusing to let him speak.

His mind seemed to be racing with conflicting choices, adding to his distress of the day’s earlier events. “I think I need another shot,” he laughs lightly without humor, reaching over for the bottle of whiskey on the counter in front of them.

“Dude,” Y/N says, stopping his hand and pushing the bottle further away from him. “No, chill. Take it easy. Let me get you some water. I don’t need you to be the one dry-heaving after too many glasses.” Duncan can’t help but smile a bit over her words as she in-directs about her first experience with the drink.

After getting him a glass of water, Duncan thanks her, appreciating the refreshing drink and taking a long sip of the cool beverage, breathing out after. “What’s going on in that head of yours? I can see how whatever it is that’s bothering you is getting at you more and more the longer you’re here,” Y/N points out, trying to coax it out of him.

Duncan holds his breath for a moment. He did come all the way over here to vent to her, but should he really open to her, he wonders to himself. He knows he has nothing to be apprehensive about, but he can’t help but worry about what she will ultimately think. Yet, he knows he can trust her.

He sighs out after a quiet moment. He looks over at her, his eyes looking clouded and somewhat dispirited.

“Duncan,” she speaks softly, narrowing her eyes with sorrow, seeing a transition in his eyes. Usually his eyes are so lively, enticing, and ready to fire back with a comeback to match hers, but they’re dismal now. She reaches a hand over, covering his as it rests on the counter. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” She asks, her tone genuine and gentle. He glances at her hand on his before he shakes his head. Her touch is warm and caring, and it causes a stir in his chest. He looks back at Y/N, half-shrugging, “No, not really.” “What’s wrong,” she turns to him in her seat, facing him. “What happened?” He sighs out. “You can talk to me,” Y/N assures. “I know. I know I can,” Duncan begins. “It’s.. why I came over here,” he admits. Y/N nods a bit. She’s upset Duncan is obviously upset and has something bothering him. But she can’t ignore the fact that it makes her happy that Duncan chose her to trust with confiding to. “For some reason,” a reason Duncan wasn’t ready to admit, “I knew out of everyone in my life, you would be the most trustworthy and honest, actually,” he shakes his head again, looking away. Y/N thinks over his chosen words. “Did someone you trust betray you,” she asks. “’Betray,’” he laughs. “That’s a word for it.” “What is it? What is it that happened? Did someone do something?” “It’s what they didn’t do,” he looks back at her, scrunching his nose as he sniffs. Y/N looks at him, keeping quiet, but her expression encouraging him to talk. “I, um,” Duncan starts. She raises her eyes, her expression tender as she waits for Duncan to continue speaking. Duncan bites his tongue, but then sighs out. “I found out I.. I’m adopted,” he states sorrowful. Y/N’s eyes widen a bit, taking in the sudden words from Duncan. “Oh, wow. Um,” she trails off, trying to figure out the proper response to give. “It’s not that. Not completely,” Duncan leans back in his chair. “It’s the fact that my own ‘mother’ didn’t have the audacity to tell me herself, and that when I did find out, she didn’t bother explaining or, or... or to even console me about it,” he looks at her despairingly, “like it meant nothing,” Duncan breathes out. “What do you mean,” she narrows her eyes, trying to make sense of his words. “Fuck,” Duncan mumbles, closing his eyes for a second. He hates how vulnerable he is now in front of her. Looking away, he stands up. “I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have shown up, told you anything. I’m sorry, I’ll go,” he says, walking out of her kitchen without another look. “Duncan, wait,” Y/N stands up too, following after him. “Hold on Duncan,” she calls. Rushing after him, she grabs his shoulder before he reaches the door, turning him back to her. He looks away like he couldn’t care less. “Give me a minute, give me a second to listen to you, okay? I’m not judging you, I’m not gonna tell anyone anything about your business. You know that.” “That’s not my concern,” he looks at her. “I just know it, it’ll give you more of a reason to hate me probably. I mean, my own ‘family’ doesn’t care about me apparently, so why would you?” “Duncan, of course they care, they,” she trails off, stopping, trying to find the right words to say. “I, I can’t understand what you’re talking about unless you tell me everything that happened.” “I don’t want to talk about everything that happened. I’m trying to block it out of my mind, Y/N,” Duncan exclaims. Y/N nods, “Right, okay, you’re right, I’m sorry. I know. I should know that. I just, I don’t know how to help without knowing the full story.” “You don’t have to fucking know everything,” he calls, gesturing a hand out. “Maybe just, I don’t know, just,” he trails off, shaking his head. He just wanted to be told he was worth an explanation, told it would be okay, to just be held, to have someone to hold onto. Releasing a deep breath, he brings his hands to his face, trying to hide the fact that his eyes are beginning to water. “Duncan, hey, it’s okay,” she speaks softly, stepping over. She reaches up to grab his wrists, pulling gently on them until he drops them with hers to expose his sorrowful face. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, we don’t need to talk about it. I’m here. I’m here for you, whatever you need. I’m here.”

With her hold still on Duncan’s wrists, she brings them to wrap around her shoulders as she closes the space between them and wraps her arms around his torso.

She hugs him, her hold tight but not constricting, her hands trailing gently along his back soothingly. Her hold comforting, and safe, giving Duncan a sense of security he didn’t realize he had been craving.

He begins to wonder if this is how all her hugs felt. The two always greeted with a snarky hello or teasing wave. They were never close enough to be personal with each other, much less to even hug. It’s why this whole situation was confusing and a bit difficult, to be unguarded like this.

Tightening his own hold around Y/N, he nuzzles his face into her hair and the crook of her neck, as if he’s trying to hide away from the world. He sighs into her hold, taking in her embrace, feeling a solace in Y/N that he had never felt before with anyone. Not with any of his “family,” past relationships, other friends, no one. It confused him, adding to the bewilderment of why something in him wanted to reach out to her in the first place. But ultimately, Duncan was more than thankful to his own self for making the decision to come see her.

Duncan was still perplexed at how Y/N had managed to calm him down. He seemed to be breaking down earlier when starting to shout at her a bit. The day’s events were starting to overcome him. But once he had her hold around him, it was like a release, a breath of fresh air for him. He could breathe again, think clearly, felt he was alright and cared for.

Y/N lured him to the couch, causing him to sit beside her while she tucked her feet underneath her. She let Duncan take his time with opening up to her.

As he gradually began to open up, he felt more of a relief flooding him, finally letting out everything that had happened. He told her how once actually asking his “mother” where he was from, he knew it was true he was adopted from the way she reacted. It hurt him to know that he had been lied to, but it hurt more when Annette didn’t bother to talk to him.

“She didn’t even fucking say anything to me. She just stormed off to Seth and yelled about wanting to put out the headline of Claire’s fucking abortion. It was like she didn’t even care how it was impacting me, just wanted to get her stupid revenge, or whatever,” Duncan glared, fighting back tears for a minute as he recalled the earlier events of the day. “You deserve better,” she tells him. “You deserved more respect, and reasoning, more than what you got,” Y/N explains, holding his hand in her lap.

The comforting touch of her hand with his had him hesitating on what to say next. She rubbed soft circles against his skin, her warm-hearted spirit coursing through his mind as he imagined his next move.

Glancing from their hands to her face, he studied her eyes, desperately wanting to know what was going through her mind as all of this unfolded. Her eyes were pure, showcasing an emotion he didn’t know how to interpret.

Even as his eyes flickered around her face, glancing over her lips on more than one occasion, he didn’t know how to read her expression. But he started reading more into his own feelings instead, figuring he should discover what he’s feeling instead of trying to figure her out first.

“I’m sorry this happened to you, in this way,” Y/N added apologetically. “If there’s anything more I can do, let me know. I’ll listen to you all night if I need to.”

Duncan’s eyes glance over her face again for a moment before he forces himself to look away. The kindness in her voice, the beauty she radiated, he had to look away from her in order to not lean over and kiss her. The crave he felt in him, of wanting his lips against hers, it was an unending greediness he realized he had always felt for her but was too afraid to think upon.

“Does this mean I can start campaigning for you to be more liberal now,” Y/N says teasingly. Duncan laughs a bit, smiling as he looks back at her. “Really? That’s your concern now?” Y/N grins a bit, “No. I just wanted to make you smile.” Duncan rolls his eyes, still smiling. “See, it worked though,” she points, laughing a bit as she looks over at him with a look of fondness. “You have a great smile. It lights up any room,” she breathes out sheepishly. Duncan’s smile fades a bit, only because her words catch him off guard. The compliment causes his heart to beat faster inside of his chest. “You’re one to talk. Your smile is beautiful, really it’s my favorite thing about you.” Y/N raises her eyes. “Well. One of my favorite things about you,” he adds. Y/N flushes a bit, biting on her lip as she fights her own urge to lean over and kiss him, too. “I should probably get going,” Duncan says flatly. “I don’t want to take up too much of your night,” he stands, knowing he needs to leave before he does something stupid, like kiss her, considering he really wants to. Y/N stands up too. “It’s not really a big deal. You’re always welcomed over here,” she explains with a casual tone. She didn’t want Duncan to leave. But she couldn’t show any disappointment or honesty about it. She didn’t know Duncan didn’t want to leave her either.

As Y/N walks him to her door, she crosses her arms as Duncan opens it, but turns back to her.

“Thanks for tonight. I.. really appreciated it,” Duncan tells her sincerely. Y/N nods, “Of course. I’m here for you, whenever. About whatever.” Duncan nods too. He looks over her frame, wishing he could stay longer, wishing she’d ask him to stay, wishing he would just admit the feelings he has for her as he’s starting to accept them as the seconds pass. As his eyes look over her face, an unintentional smile grows on his face. “What,” Y/N asks, raising her eyes. Duncan hesitates, shaking his head. “Nothing. Just.. You’re really great,” he says, looking at her adoringly. Y/N smiles. “Get home safely. Call me if you need anything.” Duncan gives a nod. “I will.” “Good night,” she adds.

Duncan takes a step away, Y/N stepping forward to close the door after she sees him off. But as she looks up at him as he steps back over to her she looks at him confused. Duncan leans over, and smoothly presses his lips to her cheek sweetly.

The simple, innocent touch of his lips against her skin, the feel of his stubble along her, has her heart fluttering in a way she never figured possible. “Good night, Y/N,” Duncan smiles as he pulls away, a hint of a smirk residing on his face. He steps away, heading for his car, leaving Y/N with prominent rosy cheeks that were impossible to miss, even in the nightfall.

Watching Duncan leave, she knew deep down that the feelings she had for him were far more than just friendly or playful. It worried her as she felt Duncan wouldn’t ever return the same feelings.

But she still couldn’t help but wonder that maybe if she filled the cracks in his heart, he would fill the same cracks in hers too someday.

#Duncan Shepherd #Duncan Shepherd x reader #House of Cards #House of Cards season six #House of Cards season 6 #Duncan Shepherd x fem! reader #duncan shepherd x fem reader #duncan shepherd imagine #duncan shepherd story #duncan shepherd fanfic #duncan sheperd #michael langdon imagine #Michael Langdon fanfic #Michael Langdon oneshot #Michael langdon one shot #Michael Langdon x reader #duncan shepherd oneshot #duncan shepherd one shot

277 notes · View notes

dailydoseofbeautiful-image · 4 years

Text

1) IT’S OKAY TO FAIL

I’m not sure how other 34 year olds feel when their 35th birthday is coming up. As for me, I felt like my failures grew more apparent. Celebrate what you HAVE accomplished and be grateful for another day.

2) CRAVE TO BE A BEGINNER AGAIN

I’ve been wanting to try something new for a good minute. Like point number one, it’s okay to fail at something! This goes hand in hand with being a beginner. I strongly believe in being a student of life. I always wanted to learn a new language.

3) LOVE YOUR PARENTS

We are often so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old! If you needed a reminder to call your parents, this is it. Do it now! My mom is my world. She was my worst enemy as a teenager but now my best friend as an adult <3

4) MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE

Fuck what everyone is doing on Instagram. Fuck what your high school friends are doing. Fuck what your college friends are doing. Live your life at your own pace. If you had kids or want kids before marriage, fuck it. If you chose your career before a man, FUCK IT. You will move at the pace that is meant for YOU.

5) SO LIVE THE LIFE AND TAKE EVERY CHANCE TO BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE..

Being true to yourself takes guts. First, you’ve got to face everything around you and figure out what is important; what you think really counts ;). second, you’ve got to interact with a lot of people who may see things differently.

6) RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. and that’s the key. it’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

7) SOULMATE

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah.. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then Leave.

8) 30S ARE BETTER THAN YOUR 20S

It’s the same! Except we’re still young enough to have fun without making dumb decisions. We’re also more mindful financially! We always have experienced and seen things and know what not to repeat. I feel a little more at ease at 30. I’m caring less about what other people think. I really don’t have energy for it anymore!

9) WEAR THE FUCKING SUNSCREEN

My mom always told me to wear sunscreen on my face. I never listened. I have a lot of sunspots on my face now! Wearing sunscreen helps protect you from skin cancer, wrinkles and sunspots/freckles. If you aren’t listening to ya mama, listen to me! lol I wear Glossier’s Invisible Shield, but they’ve been sold out for a good minute. So, I’m currently using Super Goop’s Sunscreen Moisturizer. So far, it hasn’t made me break out!

10) TAKE OFF YOUR MAKE UP BEFORE BED

At the very least, keep some make up removal wipes beside your bed! I know we’re tired af at the end of the night, but you’ll be doing your skin a huge favor in the long run. Just know that make up wipes don’t take off everything, you’d be surprised how much is still on your face! So always try to go further and do your skin care routine.

11) LIFE

This Life is what you make it. no matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes. it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girl’s will be your Friends - they’ll act like it anyways. but just remember, some come, some go. the ones that stay with you through everything- they’re your true best friends. don’t let go of them. As for Lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if yoi give up, you’ll never find your soulmate, you’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? so keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

12) GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT

Everyone on social media posts their highlight reels but only a few share the grit and grind behind it all. Don’t forget to give yourself credit even for the smallest things that you don’t think is “post worthy”. Pat yourself on the back!

13) BE MORE SELF AWARE OF HOW YOU REACT TO OTHERS

I strongly believe in the butterfly effect. How you treat others can leave a positive or negative effect on them. I always try my best to be kind to others. If I can’t be kind, I’m very quiet! Even if people are mean to me, I think deeper like are they having a bad day? Maybe my kind act can help them change their mood.

14) BE NICE AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN

Best recipe to live by. So many people offer a lending hand but expect so much in return.

15) DON’T FORCE THINGS – LET IT FLOW ORGANICALLY

Someone who forces shit to happen is ignorant & aggressive. You can’t force relationships or friendships to work out. It doesn’t work that way if it’s ONE SIDED. Sometimes, TIME helps a situation out. Let it play out, what’s destined to be yours will be yours!!! All relationships should be bloomed organically. Always try to understand one another. Some people don’t move like you and that’s okay.

16) YOU DON’T TOLERATE PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS LIKE YOU USED TO

Enough said. Ain’t no body got time for that.

17) IT’S NORMAL TO SEE A THERAPIST

You don’t have to be “crazy” to see a therapist. I did and it was life changing. There’s a huge stigma with mental health, but it’s actually more common than people think. People struggle with it daily but hide it because of the stigma. I also found out that students who are trying to become a therapist offer free or very affordable services to those who don’t have insurance! Check out any college and I’m sure you’ll find something fitting!

18) MEDITATE.. DO THAT SHIT PLS

Practice your breathing too! Headspace is really helpful app that concentrates on various subjects: anxiety, depression, stress, etc. I don’t meditate long! It can be as little as 3 minutes. Taking a moment to find yourself again can help you in the long run.

19) NOW’S THE TIME TO SEE THE WORLD

BITCH, you better be planning to travel!!!!! I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re a woman reading this, we MUST DO IT NOW. Before you have kids, just do yourself this favor. You won’t regret it. Seeing parts of the world has broaden my perspective immensely!

20) MARI KONDO THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE: CLOTHES, BOOKS…PEOPLE

I’m at this point in my life where I’m looking at everything and everyONE and ask myself, does this spark joy?! It’s completely necessary for you to start fresh and say thank you to things and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life.

21) IF YOU DON’T HEAL WHAT HURT YOU, YOU WILL BLEED ON PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T CUT YOU (@THEASLAYWAY)

You can’t rely on someone else to fill the void you were supposed to heal yourself first. Don’t be selfish and make sure that you are completed healed when moving on to the next partner!

22) DO WHAT YOU WANT, POST WHAT YOU WANT, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!!!!

WE AINT GIVIN A FUCK IN 2019 & MOVING FORWARD. Go ahead and post what you want. We’re not living for the validation of others.

23) DON’T LIVE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM

Currently trying to get through this right now. lol

24) MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

This goes with 17 & 18. If I sound like I’m repeating myself, then it’s because I really am adamant about it! I didn’t always have GAD, but when I realized I had it, I learned to take the necessary steps to control my anxiety. I realized working out in the gym is not the only “exercising” I should be doing. I should be practicing affirmation, gratitude & meditation.

25) BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GET CLOSE TO

Some people really just in it for the gossip. Keep your circle tight and you’ll be aiite. For me, being in the social media industry has led me to meet several people. It’s rare to meet someone genuine, so I always make sure I keep my distance but still always show respect and give them an opportunity to open up.

26) OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE TOXIC IN YOUR LIFE, BUT MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT THE TOXIC ONE

As you get older, accountability will help you grow. Owning up to your actions towards others can help you realize how you react towards others or situations. Before pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. I’m a strong believer of what you give this world is gonna come back to you.

27) PLEASE DON’T WORK OUT ON ONLY BOOTY AND ABS

I remember signing up for the gym and telling the membership counselor my goal was to grow a bigger butt and get abs. I’ve learned that your body works as a whole unit, not in isolation! Overall strength over aesthetic is the wave! I love being strong <3

28) RESEARCH HOW YOU CAN IDENTIFY PERSONALITY DISORDERS

You’ll come across people in your life that you can’t see eye to eye with. It could be family, your partner or your friends. I think it’s important to grasp a better understanding of personality traits/disorders such as narcissism, bipolar, emotional abusers, psychopaths, etc. They come or are in your life more often than you think! Not only do I suggest to gain insight on it, but also I recommend researching how to DEAL with it. I promise you things will come to light once you do.

29) LOVE YOURSELF – YOU CAN’T SERVE FROM AN EMPTY VESSEL

Your 20s are your selfish years. Remember to put yourself FIRST. We cannot love someone successfully without loving ourselves first. Our first love should be ourselves to know how WE want to be loved. We must feel secure before stepping into anything serious. Live life for yourself, be gracious and love yourself wholeheartedly.

30) BEFORE YOU ARGUE

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

31) NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

never take responsibility for ppl not seing your worth. There was nothing u could have changed them. No perfection would have made them loyal. No sacrifice would have them made committed. Stop taking blame for decisions that aren't yours

32) Success is never owned.. it’s rented, and the rent is due everyday. -pacman

33) SOMETIMES

I care too much, I trust too much, I think too much, I love too much, everything about me is just too much. But even so I wouldn’t want to change that about me. Just holding onto the hope that one day my “too much” will be everything someone could ever want.

34) FROM GOOD THINGS TO BAD THINGS

From good things, we learn to be a thankful person. From bad things, we learn to be a strong person. Remember that everything will not go the way you want it to. It's a matter of learning that life isn't handed to you. Stop worrying about what others want. Think about what you want, if you listen too much to what people say about you, you will never be who you really are.

4 notes · View notes

lilyswritings · 6 years

Text

Crash and Burn

I WILL NOT BE WRITING A PART TWO (pls see this post). Thank you.

anonymous requested: 1) Could you write a really angsty one shot with Doctor Strange where you knew him before he got into the car accident and you always helped him with his paperwork and things that he deemed 'weren't important enough for him', and liked him, but he never noticed you because he was more interested in Christina. So after he gets into the accident, you're the one who helps take care of him when Christie needs time to rest, but he always thinks that it was only Christie taking care of him because a 2) lways asleep when you took care of him. And then when he gets into that argument with Christie, a similar argument happens between you and Stephen, and he says a lot of hurtful things since he doesn't know that you're the one who has been helping him this whole time. And then when he becomes Doctor Strange, he finally realises how badly he's treate you all these years. I AM SO SO SORRY FOR MAKING THIS SO LONG AND IM A REALLY SHITTY REQUESTER BUT THIS HAS BEEN IN MY MIND FOR SO LONG AND I SUC 3) K AT WRITING AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE THIS I'M JUST RANTING AND I'M A REALLY SHITTY PERSON I'M SO SORRY BYE HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY <3

author’s note: Okay, when I first got this request (back when Doctor Strange CAME OUT) I fell in love with it and have been working on it ever since! I’m sorry it took over a year to write, and it still doesn’t have the ending you wanted, but I’m a perfectionist and I’m only JUST NOW happy with how it turned out. MAJOR ANGST WARNING!!! please enjoy!

warnings: car crash, injuries, Stephen being an asshole, description of hospital

word count: 1,897

Stephen Strange x Reader

Strange and Palmer. Palmer and Strange. Not Strange and Y/L/N. That’s how it has always been. Christine and Stephen, even when they aren’t dating, act like they’ve been married for years -- they have a perfect synchronisation, they balance each other out and fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. So where does that leave you?

The background, of course. It doesn’t matter that you’d graduated the same medical school at the same time as the both of them, or that you are highly skilled in most fields of medicine. You file the papers, deal with the ‘boring’ patients, and stand in the background, awaiting your orders.

It’s not like they ignore you -- being ignored and not being payed any attention are two different things. You feel especially lonely one Tuesday morning, right before your shift ends, sitting at your desk and typing up medical reports on one of Palmer’s recent patients. You slowly tune out, fingers typing monotonously as your foot taps against the ground, awaiting that small chime on your phone to signal your shift end. Just as the alarm goes off, and your heart soars, you’re pulled back into reality as Stephen rushes around the corner.

“Y/N?” He calls, and your brows tug together.

“Yes?” You ask, hopefulness in your voice. Are you needed? Does he want you to help him operate? But no, everything crashes when he opens his mouth again.

“Where’s Christine?”

You try your hardest not to visibly deflate, turning and paging her. “Wing 3.” You answer, curtly, and off he runs again. You sigh, printing the forms, stamping them, and sliding them onto the office desk and you walk to grab your coat and scarf. You hear a small commotion in another wing, but shake your head as you wrap the scarf around your neck and exit the hospital, feet moving quickly to take you home as you fight the heaviness in your eyelids. When you finally get back to your small apartment -- probably a fourth (or less) of the size of Stephen’s -- you flop onto your bed, your eyes shutting with the dread of another long night shift.

It isn’t too long before you wake up again, but when you do, the sky is dark, and heavy, loud rain lashes at your windows. You yawn, turning on your lights, and shift your computer onto your lap to type up some reports. Halfway through one, though, Stephen calls you on your work number.

“-Hello?” You answer, confusion coating your words.

“Y/N? What have you got for me for tomorrow?” He asks, voice smooth (and cocky) as ever, and you mentally slap yourself as you realize he wanted notes by the time he had to head to his talk. You quickly pull up the pages.

“Right, well, we have a woman who had a seizure shortly after experimenting with--”

You can hear the boredom in his voice. “Next.” You roll your eyes, flipping the page.

“Man whose spinal cord seized up, tugging on his tendons and--”

“You remember that I am a neurosurgeon, right?” You shake your head.

“Stephen, you can’t just write off all these-” You cut yourself off at the sound of an engine revving comes through the line, and narrowed eyes flick over to the window displaying the torrential downpour outside.

“Steve, you’re not actually driving in this weather, are you?”

He scoffs, “Of course not!”. A beat, and you raise an eyebrow, even though he can’t see you.

“For a doctor, you care awfully little about your life.” You try to joke, but find your heart too worried to joke. He chuckles on the end of the line, and then it goes quiet.

“Send me some patient files, I’ll take a look at them.” You shake your head, dragging the files into a folder on your laptop for later.

“Not right now -- I’ll send them to you later, after your talk.” He scoffs, and you giggle.

“What are you, my mother? Don’t you trust me enough to--”

The deafening screech of tires fills the line, the sound of metal crashing into metal causing you to jump. Eyes widening, you push yourself up off of your bed, still clutching the phone. “Stephen?” The quiet that greets you causes panic to rush through you, and you find your shaking fingers ending the call and dialing 911.

“Shit shit shit shit...” You repeat, running out of your bedroom to grab your coat and slip on your shoes as you explain everything to the operator. You run all the way to the hospital, knowing you can’t drive in this weather, and when you arrive an emergency helicopter has just landed, picking you up and speeding away on the route of where Stephen was headed. The rest of the night passes in a blur.

The sight of his fancy car face down in the water, the cold nipping at you as you run into the water, wading towards the car and trying to open the door, desperately. The ambulance taking the both of you back to the hospital. Christine’s stupid voicemail answering you every time you call her. That goddamn heart monitor, a constant background noise. And finally -- Stephen, his hands impaled with shards of metal, a bruise forming around his eyes, and blood pouring from his forehead.

Your hands shake horribly as you wheel him to the operating room, watching the nurses scramble to find a surgeon. When they come back with Dr. Anders, a very new doctor with little experience, you grit your teeth, pulling on your gloves, and take on the task of saving your (very dear to you) colleague yourself.

You did great, they tell you. Better than Palmer could have. You saved him. You did better than any other doctor we have, they say, but you know it isn’t true. Stephen could have done better, if you hadn’t -- if he hadn’t been so careless. You don’t wait next to him, for him to wake up. You can’t face the inevitable overwhelming disappointment, when he wakes up and realizes his hands are beyond repair.

You find yourself in the cafeteria, eyes bleakly staring into the black coffee in front of you, your head in your hands. You catch the empathetic glance of an older woman, a few tables away, but you can’t bring yourself to acknowledge her.

You watch Christina run past you, towards Stephen’s room, and scoff as you see Nick enter the cafeteria just behind her, a nice suit on. He catches your glance, but you just look back into the swirling darkness of the coffee. You punch in your card, taking a day off, and go home.

In the next few months, you manage to bring yourself to stop by Stephen’s almost every day. You pick up the insane brochures for medical facilities that could possibly save him, the ones he leaves behind everywhere, and when you get home you spend hours researching flights, costs, treatments, and therapy.

You anonymously pay for a treatment for him, one just outside the city, and you accompany him there when he thinks he was able to pay for it himself. It sets you back a month’s rent, but he seems just that little bit less broken after it, so you find comfort in it.

You don’t bring him food often -- you figure out that mealtimes are when he and Christina spend time together. You just do the anonymous work, like convincing visiting doctors to look at his file, or paying for certain medication and delivering it to him, claiming it was free or off his paycheck. He never seems to notice that he’s too broke to afford it, and just accepts that he got it and that’s all that matters. But everything seems to crash around you, one night when you bring up the accident.

“Look, Stephen...” You start, sitting on the couch as he tries to write his name, over and over, the scribble of the pen emanating around the room. “We need to discuss what happened, that night.”

He looks up, dropping the pen, and curses. “What night?” He asks, almost sounding bored, and you breathe in deeply. “The... The accident.” He stops, his jaw clenching, and stands up abruptly.

“What’s there to talk about? I fell off a cliff. Some doctor butchered my hands. And now I’m trying to reverse that.” You flinch when he says butchered, your fears creeping up around you.

“We need to talk about... The details. Why you fell, if--” He stops you.

“No, we don’t. Why are you doing this?” You almost scoff at the question, standing up and walking towards him.

“Because I care about you!” You admit.

“You care about me? Don’t kid yourself, Y/N, you’ve never cared about me!” You step back, horrified, but he keeps going. “I have money, I know that’s why you hang around.” Your mouth gapes as you register the insult.

“Of course that’s not -- I’ve stuck around you through everything!” You shout, and he turns and points at you, accusatory finger raised.

“What about when I got into the crash? What about when you were nowhere to be found when Christine was operating on me and--” You scoff, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“Christine wasn’t on duty that night!” You yell, causing him to stop and stumble back, but you push on.

“Christine came in later that night to sit by you, after I had spent hours in the rain trying to find you and pull you out of your sinking car. After I operated on you, because they were going to let an almost intern do it. Christine was on leave that night on a date with Nick!” You practically scream the last part, searing tears finally falling onto your face.

Stephen has an unreadable expression on his face as he watches you fall apart in front of him, but somehow he still manages to hurt you more.

“Maybe Christine could have saved my hands -- You’re practically just a secretary.” You inhale, sharply, mouth opening and closing at the harsh words. He seems to realize his mistake, that he took it too far, but when he reaches for you you shove his hand away.

“Y/N...” He mutters, and you shake your head.

“No, Stephen. You don’t get to do that to me. Seven years, I’ve stood by you -- defended you, watched out for you, found cases worth your precious time. I’m done.” You punctuate the last word with a jab of your finger, spinning around to grab your things.

"You’re a real piece of shit, you know.” You mutter, turning and walking towards the doors. You stand outside, and just before the door closes you say, “Goodbye, Stephen.”

It’s pathetic, really. You sit in your car, watching the rain run down your windshield as the tears run down your face, for the most part of an hour. At one point you even bang your hands on the steering wheel, honking at a poor passerby who jumps and starts running.

Your eyes are raw, and tired, just like you feel, but it’s stupid, and you know that. You have to stop. Finally, you wipe your eyes and calm yourself, pulling out of the space and zooming away from Stephen’s apartment building -- you don’t return after that.

#doctor strange imagine #doctor strange x reader #mcu imagine #doctor strange #dr strange imagine #MCU #Doctor Stephen Strange #mcu oneshot #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #yikes.txt #lmao

1K notes · View notes

ms-marmar · 4 years

Text

quarantine relapse

hey y’all! i hope you’re safe and healthy. with the state of things around the world, it’s hard not to feel distress, hopelessness, anxiety, pain, and a whole lot of other negative feelings.

for one thing, quarantine has been difficult, to say the least. ive come to notice that many (myself included) have created expectations for themselves to practice certain behaviors during this pandemic in efforts to try to carry on as if things were normal, minimize the effects that this shift in environment has on us, and prevent ourselves from becoming “lazy.” ppl have set out to try to be more productive (from home), follow a schedule, dabble into new hobbies, work out from home, try new recipes and diets, etc.

unfortunately, many face even more struggles with this pandemic than just a shift from their daily routine. many of you are facing insecurities regarding your health, employment, finances, and much more. such pressures can trigger increased anxieties and lead to the unhealthy coping mechanisms (ie. self harm, restricting, binging, purging, etc) that you’ve built up over time.

i struggled (and still struggle) to commit to a routine, often feeling guilty for failing to do so. i thought about how i was lucky to be in the comfort of my financially stable household, seemingly separated from the outside world and personally unaffected by the coronavirus. i have so much privilege in this moment that i shouldn’t be feeling such despair and instability. im stuck at home, with nothing to do but sit around on my laptop to attend online classes and try to find some hobbies to pass the time. even though everything else going in the world hangs in my mind like a grey cloud of concern, the biggest worry constantly invading my mind was just about what i had to eat. im sure youve heard ppl despair over the possibility of gaining weight by staying cooped up at home, unable to go outside or to the gym. in a house full of food, many of which are “fear foods” with long shelf lives, ive been battling the temptation to mindlessly binge on snacks all day. it’s also easy to opt out for restricting. for instance, when supplies are low at the store, you decide NOT to get that last loaf of bread, thinking someone else could use it more than you. by justifying that you dont need that food, it can become a cycle of justifying that you dont need any food. there’s also that feeling of guilt that arises when you do get the food, knowing full well it’s something that’ll just get purged. there are numerous experiences y’all have gone through and are (re)facing right now as a result of our present day. the pandemic has created circumstances in which new thoughts and anxieties provide a gateway to practicing disordered eating behaviors as a source of relief.

as a result of this quarantine climate, all these thoughts and expectations, many of which have resurfaced from the shame and guilt ive already felt for years, continued to build up. my concern over weight gain turned into fear, and i fell back into the vicious cycle of binging and purging.

thing is, nothing right now is normal. the moment we’re living in is beyond control. it’s natural to feel helpless. however, we can’t let that take over our lives. the “little” things we can contribute every day to help the cause (ie. social distancing, limiting going outside, being hygienic, showing appreciation to essential workers, keeping yourself and others informed, donating to groups, etc) can go a long way. you’re not helpless if you can do something to show your support. additionally, we don’t need to punish ourselves for the changes we’re experiencing. staying at home might mean we don’t move around as often, and that’s okay. you being hungry after sitting all day? also okay! all these are natural as we adjust to these lifestyle changes.

apologies i am late with this. for some, quarantine restrictions are easing up. however, pls continue to limit your outside excursions,practice social distancing and hygiene, and wear masks. times are ambiguous and cases are still very much present (and numbers continue to rise). in addition, social justice movements have experienced a recent surge. pls be safe and support your families, friends, and communities. we all deserve to be treated equally and need to stand up to oppressive systems in whatever ways we can. take time to educate yourselves and others, while maintaining a balance in order to not overwhelm yourselves and create more stress/anxiety. i know these ideas seem contradictory, but i know each of us have different thresholds for stress. find yours and develop healthy mechanisms to cope with them. reaching out is always the best option.

takeaways n important things to keep in mind or try (some of which you may have already heard before; however, sometimes we need a reminder):

-its okay to relapse. recovery is full of ups n downs, its not linear

-u dont have to earn the right to eat. ur body is communicating to you what it needs. if you’re confused over your hunger and satiety levels, which often happens due to changes in brain chemistry, maybe this guideline is helpful. it’s from one of my lectures in an eating disorders class i took last quarter. act according to your body’s physiological responses. if you’re hungry, please eat. if you’re about to go over your fullness levels, please stop yourself and do something else to distract you. maybe call a friend to hold yourself accountable. ik everything is easier said than done, and i struggle with this myself, but every thought and effort counts:

-limit your media use. sometimes watching the news all day or watching how others seem to be doing great in quarantine can trigger anxiety and disappointment. opt for enjoyable activities, learn something new, or meditate.

-try to eat regularly. 2-3 meals a day, with some snacks between. do not ignore your hunger cues. you might then become very hungry, which increases the likelihood of binging then purging.

-you’re not alone. many articles have been written about how quarantine has made a hard blow to everyone, especially those with need insecurities and/or mental illness. i encourage you to please reach out to any trusted individual in some way if you’re experiencing any challenges. refer to the bottom of this post for some links about having ed’s during the pandemic. seek covid relief and emergency funds if you are in need (here’s an informational website with grant resources in the US link)

-having said that, seek out a support system. therapists, support groups, etc have moved online. now is the time to join them, especially if you haven’t had time in the past. talk to friends and/or family when you can. be transparent with your needs.

-feel free to reblog with or comment any resources you may find helpful for others

there are definitely some viewpoints that i’ve missed, and i apologize if through this post i haven’t made you feel a part of this struggle when it’s something you also experience. i just want to say that every experience is valid, and they vary widely. eating disorders affect ANYONE. i wrote this mainly with my own experiences and observations in mind, and i’d love for you all to share your own stories. i want you to keep fighting through. i want you to see the end of this pandemic, to be able to go outside again and experience life to its fullest. all those plans you had but were forced to cancel? you can do them when things have become okay again. didnt have plans? make some so you have something to look forward to when this is over. you have to conquer this battle by putting your health first and realizing the danger you’re putting your body in when you engage in disordered eating. there’s so much waiting for you in the future. recovery is a long, hard journey that we’re reluctant to embark on at first. but i promise that nothing will feel as beautiful and relieving than when you live free from this toxic mindset. pls stay safe everyone. my heart goes out to you and all the different struggles you’re facing. we’re in this together.

thank you if you’ve read this and made it this far.

articles about ed’s during quarantine:

1 2 3 4 5

ms-marmar xx

#ana #ana recovery #mia #mia recovery #not pro just using tags #dont promote eds just using popular tags #ed #ednos #eds #binge eating disorder #binging and purging #eating disorders #eating disoder recovery #long post

0 notes