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arlh0e · 3 months

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Moving on in time

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Hozier x gn! Reader, angst, post-break up, youre in his band, touring with Hozier, public embarassment, emotions on high, mutual frustration, miscommunication, tension you could cut with a knife

Summary: Its been months since the break up, you had been with andrew for years, but with the touring and your busy schedules, you decided it was best for the two of you to go your seperate ways. At the time, you hadn’t thought about the fact that when he decided it was time to record and release a new album, you would be back on tour with him, helping him perform music that he had written about your break up.

You had been avoiding andrew like the plague offstage for months. You were well into the unreal unearth tour, and though you enjoyed his music, and you loved playing with him and the band, you really hadn’t realized how emotionally taxing this would be.

Playing bass in the band meant you stood up toward the front of the stage next to him. And you had made a point to pretend that everything was fine and cool while you were performing, but truth be told, there was no possible way that the two of you could ever have anything even resembling a friendship ever again.

It broke your heart all over again if you were being honest. You hated not speaking to him, but you hated having to act like you were still best friends even more.

Tonights show was particularly hard on you. You were all sleep deprived, and Andrew had gotten particularly frustrated during sound check, so even though the show had been running smoothly, tensions were on high and you were doing everything in your power not to show it.

You were doing your best to calm down, but listening to music he had written about how angry he was with you and how your whole relationship was nothing but toxic (First Time was by far your least favorite, it painted a completely inaccurate portrayal of how you treated him.) it wasn’t exactly what you’d call an easy feat.

The biggest problem came during Francesca. He always glanced over to you periodically, it was something that he did to everyone, to make sure everyone was doing okay, but for whatever reason, during francesca, he took it upon himself to all but stare you down for the majority of the song.

It was subtle at first, barely noticeable, just sideways glances, but by the time the second chorus came around, he was turned in your direction staring at you as he sang.

Jesus fucking christ.

This man really had the audacity to spend hours shit talking on you and then sing the only kind words he had to say directly to you.

Whatever happened to keeping his private life a secret? Whatever happened to “there’s no muse”?

He was staring a hole into you, all but calling you out publicly in front of an audience of god knows how many people. You had known he wasn’t perfect, everyone was capable of mistakes, but this isn’t something you’d ever expect from him.

This was cruel.

And the worst part about it? He actually looked genuine. He was looking at you, pleading, all but begging silently. Of course, you knew it was all an act, likely something he had planned to grab the attention of his fans and get people talking, but it still hurt.

You knew that you were still in love with him, and realistically, you had thought until the album release, that he had felt the same, and as much as you hated the idea, you had thought that reconciliation might be possible.

Seeing him look at you like that, like he was still in love with you, like he actually meant a word of what he was saying made you want to cry. You were stunned.

You honestly half decided then and there that you would quit at the earliest opportunity. You loved touring with him and you loved music being your full time job, but this was too much. He couldn’t do this to you.

You held eye contact with him, willing yourself not to be the first to look away, refusing to let him win.

You did your best to stabilize the lump in your throat as you stepped toward the mic, still looking at him as you sang his lyrics with him.

“Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I.”

It was a phrase he used to say to you, something he had told you toward the beginning of your relationship, when you were still in the process of healing from the religious bull shit your parents had instilled into you, and you went through a short lived patch of worrying that if there was a hell, you’d be going there because you had slept with Andrew so soon.

He had comforted you by telling you that if there were a heaven, the walls weren’t strong enough to hold two people who were so in love with one another and that you’d both be sent to hell for loving more absolutely and unconditionally than god himself.

It was a sweet sentiment, and something he knew only you would get, nevertheless fan went crazy over the lyrics that were meant to comfort you but that he had twisted into something that only brought you pain now.

You knew what he was doing when he wrote it and that was what felt the worst. He had turned what you had once considered your greatest comfort and the most heart wrenchingly beautiful thing anyone had ever said to you into your single least favorite sentence in the entire english language.

As the song came to a close, you maintained eye contact with him for a concerning amount of time, as the crowd erupted into applause.

Finally, he turned away from you, looking back to the audience and thanking them for coming before ushering the band forward for a bow.

You walked forward, took Andrews hand briefly and bowed, staying there just long enough for the lights to come down and then you all but ran backstage.

The tears were flowing freely by that point, not wanting anyone to see you, you rushed to the nearest bathroom, locked the door and cried.

You knew he wasn’t fond of you anymore, but this was a new kind of distaste. Cruelty like that bordered on hatred, a sentiment which, until now you didn’t think he was even capable of. If you had known that this was what would come of the decision to break up, you wouldn’t have done it. Hell, if you had known, you would’ve opted to just stay friends.

You debated how you would go about quitting. After that stunt, you knew that this was no longer good for you, regardless of how much you loved touring and regardless of how much you loved him. You needed to leave and to never speak to him again. Distance was the only way you’d ever get over him.

Once you had calmed yourself down, you opened the door, and headed down the hallway to Andrew’s dressing room and knocked on the door. After a few deep breaths, you were ready to face him.

The door opened just a crack, before opening fully. “Ehm… Hey?” He looked genuinely confused. Sounded it too, though his whole body did visibly relax when he saw it was you.

“Hey.” You took one more deep breath before continuing. “I just wanted to let you know, I think it’s time to find a new bassist. I will not be touring you any longer after the break in December.” Your voice broke a little bit toward the end. You were angry with yourself for showing how upset you were. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had gotten a reaction out of you.

His face fell. “What? Why? If it’s about us not talking, I swear I’m not ignoring you, I just-” you cut him off mid-sentence.

“No. Andrew it’s about everything.” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. “I can handle standing next to you while you play music about how much you hate me for breaking up with you. Thats fair. It’s deserved even. But what I can’t stand is that. What you just did on that stage was nothing short of cruel.”

He let out a sigh, looking down at his feet. “I didn’t-” he cut himself off, running his hands over his face. “I didn’t meanwhile it like that I just-“

“Then how did you mean it Andrew? Because what it looked like to me was you talking shit to thousands of people and then acting like you still want me because you knew it was going to hurt.” I was all but yelling at him by now. I was positive that a few stage hands were overhearing this, but I didn’t even care. For all I cared, the whole world could know about how awful he was being.

“Can you please just come in? Can we talk about it? Please?” He looked completely genuine. I couldn’t tell if he was just stressed about losing an original member of the band, or if he actually cared that he had hurt me, either way, he wasn’t going to change my mind.

“Fine. 10 minutes, but don’t expect to change anything. Im quitting. You’re not changing that.” I said sternly, moving past him to sit on the small couch in the corner of the room. With a sigh, he closed the door, and let out a sigh.

“You wanted to talk. So talk.” I cross my legs on the couch, looking down at my hands, refusing to look at him.

“Look, I’ve been wanting to explain the album to you for a while.” He walked across the small room, placing himself on the opposite side of the couch from you. “When we broke up, I was hurt and I was angry, and I channeled that into my writing.

That doesn’t excuse any of it, and you’re well within your rights to be upset with me, thats more than fair.” He let out a sigh, looking at his hands, you could tell he was shaking. You wondered if this was as stressful for him as it was for you. If he was upset, you knew it wasn’t for the right reasons of course.

“I just don’t want you to think that I don’t still care about you. I was devastated, hell, I still am but I don’t want you thinking I hate you or something. I wasn’t doing anything to hurt you, I use my writing as an outlet and I needed a way to turn this into something I was proud of.”

I looked up to meet his eyes. They held nothing but truth. It was one of the great things about knowing him so well, I could read him like a book. If he was lying to save his own ass, I’d know.

“And I already said that I understand that.” You took a few breaths, trying to calm yourself and failing miserably. Your tears broke free and you sniffled as you wiped your face. “What I don’t understand is why you took something you used to say to me for my comfort, threw it into a song about me and then stared me down onstage while you sang those words and looked at me like you’re still in love with me, knowing damn well that I’m not over you.” The words left my mouth before I could even process what was happening.

My hand shot up to my mouth. Way to go. Just show the man all your cards. Throw away any advantage you had in the conversation. Great job.

His eyes lit up a bit. For the first time in months, it looked like he had hope. It pulled at your heart a bit, seeing him react that way even though you knew it wasn’t out of any remaining love he held for you. He was just glad you didn’t hate him probably.

“Okay, A.) I didn’t know that, and had I known, we would’ve had this conversation way earlier and B.) I wrote Francesca as a last ditch effort to get you back. I put that in there because it’s the truth.” He sighed again, this time a bit more hopeful, but still frustrated and sad. “I wasn’t planning on singing it to you. It just kind of happened. I didn’t think, I am sorry for that. And Im even more sorry for not explaining myself earlier.” His hand moves to his hair, running his fingers through his curls. It was something he did when he was thinking really hard about something.

“I get that.” You sighed in response. “I still think it’s best that I leave though. As far as I can tell, it’s better for both of us if we just cut contact.” You were still crying, bordering on sobbing. You pull your knees into your chest and curl your arms around yourself. It was a hard enough decision to make, but putting the thought into action was so much harder.

“Please don’t say that.” He sat up, moving slightly closer to you, he was pleading with his eyes, he looked desperate. You could even see the beginnings of a few tears filling his eyes. “Look, I know I’ve said a lot of shit that really hurt you, I can’t take that back, but please at least give me the chance to try and fix it.” The first of his tears spilled over and his voice cracked.

“Andrew, before all of this, I would have said yes, hell I would have even said we could try being together again, but at this point, I don’t know if I’ll ever go a day without questioning if you actually care about me. Thats not something that can be fixed.” I pull away from him, turning and putting my feet on the ground.

“Baby, please just let me try. And if you still want to leave by December, then I won’t stop you, but I’ve been dying seeing you every day and not talking to you.” He moves next to me and takes one of my hands in both of his. “Please. Just can we try?”

You sigh, looking down at your hand in his. He was so warm, his touch just as inviting as you remembered, he was close enough that you could smell him, he still wore the same cologne you had picked out for him years ago. It was woodsy and sort of musky, and the way it mixed with his natural scent drove you absolutely nuts.

With another sigh, you lean your head onto his shoulder. “I kinda hate you a little bit.” You huff, frustrated. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t wan’t to work things out between the two of you. You wanted nothing more than to take everything back and go back to being together.

He chuckled a little bit, leaning his head to rest against the top of yours. “Thats okay.” You can feel him smile against your hair, placing a kiss on the top of your forehead. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

You move yourself closer to him, pulling your legs into his lap. “I really do miss you.” Your voice is muffled by his chest. “As stupid as it sounds I’ve thought about just coming back probably a million times.”

His hand is in your hair, moving across your scalp, soothingly. It was nice. “It’s not stupid. I’ve come so close to cornering and begging you to take me back on a handful of occasions.”

You laugh a little bit. “Just don’t write any more mean songs about me okay?” You look up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time since the start of this conversation.

He leans down and places his lips against yours for a fleeting second. “I promise, love.”

I tell you what, when an Idea strikes, I be writing so fast, I did that in like 3 hours.

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lily-blue · 1 year

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Three magical words

☆ characters: best friend!taehyun & you ☆ genre: soulmate au, friends to lovers ☆ summary: you live in a world where you have to exchange i love yous with your soulmate for fate to tell you they are the one for you; if they are not, your relationship is destined to fall apart sooner or later ☆ words: 6,2k ☆ also: i’d like to dedicate this story to my own soulmate, @dat-town ♥ it’s crazy how it’s been nine years already that we started to talk… sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday (or well, a couple of years at most, to be more realistic), but other times it feels like we’ve known each other our whole life. damn, we’re really getting old, aren’t we, kathy? anyway, i love you to the moon~ ☆ taglist: @soobin-chois

When you had been young, around seven or eight years old, you had often thrown careless I love yous like they had been confetti. However, the older you had grown, the more you had understood why adults were so afraid of these words. They had already learned an important lesson you had yet to learn in your teenage years: how it felt when one’s heart got broken.

You lived in a world where no matter how much effort you put into a romantic relationship or how determined you were that you genuinely loved that person, if you weren’t together with your soulmate, things never worked out. Of course, there were people who refused to believe that they didn’t have a say in who their heart belonged to. They were the majority of society, actually, people who were willing to try just to fail over and over again, unwilling to realize that their reasons for breaking up were more or less the same: different schedules, different interests, and different goals in life. Their bond simply wasn’t strong enough to last.

Yet, to find such an unbreakable connection, you needed to give a chance to a lot of people. It was unfair, but that was how the soulmate system worked: you were either one of the lucky ones who were a hundred percent sure in their feelings, or you were bound to break under the weight of your uncertainties. Because only when you exchanged I love yous with the one who was destined to be with you did fate tell you whether they were the one you could love unafraid. It was a wicked game, but a game no one could escape from and everyone bounded to participate in one point in their life.

You couldn’t have said that you were different from the majority. There had been a time when you had also thought you had total control over your love life, hence you had experienced the same stages everyone did while growing up. As soon as you had learned about the soulmate system, you had sworn that you would be an exception and that your heart would be okay even after giving out chances to people whose love wasn’t made for making you happy. Then, you had gotten into your first relationship; there had come the first banters over his clinginess and your need for personal space, and the first fights that you couldn’t have solved with simple sorrys… The realization that you two hadn’t been a good match had come sooner than your acceptance. As many teenagers, you had also hated to admit that you had been wrong, so you had stayed with your first love for a year just to make the heartbreak more painful when you hadn’t seen the butterflies in your tummy coming alive once the confessions had fallen from your lips on the night of your anniversary. The pain had changed you. You had become wary and soon after, you had closed yourself off from potential soulmates entirely.

According to your mother, your eagerness to open up to others in hope of finding your other half would come back with time, but you really weren’t so sure. You would have liked to think that your life was a whole on its own, too, and you didn’t need anyone to fill in the cracks since those as well were a part of the real you.

There were more important things in life than romantic love anyway. Like your best friend’s birthday month and your (hopefully) last winter break before you became a full-fledged adult with a business degree. Your urge to diss the society with Taeyhun on his worn couch while munching on instant ramen and to complain about how difficult it was to get a job even when one was willing and had super low standards was indescribably high as usual. February never failed to bring the worst out of you. Cold months never did.

A week before Valentine’s Day, you were on a friendly date with Taehyun at that new coffee shop that had opened a corner from your family’s home, just killing some time and enjoying life to the fullest, when your mutual friends finally arrived and you could stop dwelling on whether you should have asked for a cinnamon latte or an apple pie flavored one. Although you knew it most probably wasn’t the last time you came here, so making a decision wasn’t that crucial - you could have always tried the other one next time, after all -, you still had a hard time choosing. For some reason, you always did, even at places you were a regular at, hence ended up ordering the same thing week after week.

‘Are you sure it’s a good i…’ Hueningkai’s voice reached your ears when you put the plastic menu card back in its holder and waved at the newcomers with a soft smile that they did not return.

You furrowed your brows in confusion when Beomgyu cut his friend off mid-sentence while he threw his coat on the back of the chair in front of you.

‘I’ve already told you I am. It’s romantic. Choerry likes these kinds of stuff and I think it’s lovely,’ he claimed, confusing you even more, because it sounded like they were arguing about Beomgyu’s girlfriend and you had thought everyone liked the shy albeit cheerful girl he was seeing since early December.

‘What are you bickering about this time?’ You inquired, knowing that if it wasn’t you, no one would ask them for details. Your best friend might have had a soft spot for his close friends, but he didn’t like unnecessary drama.

‘Nothing.’

‘He wants to confess on Valentine’s Day,’ Hueningkai said at the same time Beomgyu tried to put an end to the conversation, earning a displeased huff from the younger boy.

The silence that fell on your small group was heavy with unsaid arguments, unasked advice, and palpable anxiety; it planted itself in your chest and made it hard to think of anything else but those scars each one of you had worn on your heart. You were munching on your lower lip while you were trying to come up with something, anything you could have said.

‘Jeez… Don’t be so supportive,’ Beomgyu grumped, visibly irked by everyone’s reaction, not that you blamed him for it. It must have hurt him that his closest friends were so unwilling to support his relationship, but in reality, he had to know that they were only worried about him. They were just boys. They showed concern differently.

‘It’s because you’re stupid. You chose the worst day to break your hearts,’ Taehyun claimed, his unbothered tone borderline scolding. You sucked in your lower lip in panic, exchanging an uneasy glance with Kai before you shifted your gaze back to Beomgyu. You wished you could have lightened up the mood somehow, but the soulmate topic was a sensitive topic all around the world, especially for people your age. Generally, young adults had already lived enough to encounter heartbreaks, but were still too young to accept them as an inevitable part of life.

‘Yerim is my soulmate. I can feel it,’ Beomgyu retorted before he smashed his palms against the table and pushed himself into a standing position. His gaze wandered from one person to another until it returned to Taehyun. ‘You’ll be sorry for not supporting me.’

As soon as Beomgyu turned his back on your table and took the first steps towards the blonde boy behind the counter, you nudged your best friend with a disapproving sigh.

‘Don’t you think it was unnecessarily rude?’ You asked quietly yet firmly, not taking your worried eyes off the boy who was currently vibing with the barista like the two of them had known each other for decades. Beomgyu’s big theatrical hand gestures would have made you smile on any other day, under any other circumstances, but with his last words echoing in your head, they only amplified your protective, big sister side.

‘Last time he confessed, he was wailing for weeks. It’s not rude enough,’ Taehyun said before he stood up as well and pulled Hueining Kai towards their friend to order.

You stayed seated to make sure your table didn’t get accidentally occupied by another group of friends - a habit you had gained during those summer breaks that you had spent in Europe with your aunt and her family -, and watched the boys with your chin resting atop of the back of your hand.

You knew Beomgyu loved company even when he was sad. He was the type of person who both wanted to hide his sorrow and put it on display at the same time, someone who wanted to seem strong, but craved pampering, too. Because of these, he usually ended up venting in a sarcastic way, turning his situation into a joke, then crying two minutes into the movie you were watching together because the characters were so relatable (or because his ex loved the same popcorn flavor you had offered him carelessly without knowing this crucial detail).

Reminiscing about the last time Beomgyu had thought he found his soulmate, you hoped he was a bit more ready for the consequences this time.

‘Here.’

You snapped your head in Taehyun’s direction when he slid your drink in front of you and shot a grateful smile at him when he did the same with his own. Your chest felt warm at the realization that he had ordered both lattes you wanted to try and even let you choose which one you wanted to keep for yourself.

‘Thanks,’ you beamed at him, loving the newness of the apple pie latte on the tip of your tongue, but choosing the familiar taste nevertheless.

You offered a sip from the cinnamon latte to Taehyun and smiled at the way he hummed around the paper straw, stealing another gulp for good measure before he gave it back to you. He might have looked grumpy and annoyed seven or eight times out of ten - depending on various external factors in his life such as the number of assignments he had to finish a week or how big of a mess his roommates might have left at their place -, but you loved how under the heartless facade, he was such a big softie for his friends. You wouldn’t have changed a single thing about him even if you could.

You spent hours at the coffee shop, chatting about the anime you were watching these days, childhood memories with each other and your own families, how you could still remember Februaries when you could have played in the snow, and recipes you wanted to master for the new semester at the dorm. It was fun and the background music was tranquil enough for you to not want to leave the place anytime soon. However, your sore asscheeks definitely weren’t of the same opinion and nor were the boys’.

Since both Taehyun and you had moved back to the neighborhood for the winter break to spend some with your families, but the boy’s parents were rarely at home due to their busy schedules, he offered their place for a impromptu movie night (you might have dropped hints here and there that you had still hadn’t seen that sci-fi movie he couldn’t have stopped talking about when it had come out) and almost regretted immediately when Soobin, Yeonjun, and Sakura also showed up at his door.

You were sandwiched between Sakura and Taehyun on the couch with a blanket on your legs and a bowl of Cheetos in your hands when the movie started and stayed there through the night even when Hueningkai put on a comedy next, or when Yeonjun insisted on watching the Chinese Step Up movie for old time’s sake. Seeing the cast, suddenly, you couldn’t decide whether he was teasing you because of your Channing Tatum obsession in middle school or your UNIQ phase that, more or less, was still going strong.

Either way, the movie was very much up to your liking since it reminded you of that summer when you had successfully convinced your parents to let you attend the dance camp where you had first met Yeonjun. Your fleeting crush on the older boy might have subsided the moment he had sat beside you during the bonfire and your hair had caught on fire because of the stick he should have roasted the marshmallows on, but your bond had been unbreakable ever since. You also liked seeing Kim Sungjoo’s smile.

The plot was already over its climax when your best friend’s head fell on your shoulder and you couldn’t have helped an endeared smile when your gaze stuck on his slightly parted lips. Spending so much time with a bunch of extroverts must have been tiring for him, too, but you appreciated him for making this night possible.

Admittedly, you didn’t pay too much attention to the movie after Taehyun had fallen asleep. His calm features were simply more interesting. (At least, to you.) Not to mention that one look at his hand so close to yours was enough for your mind to be immediately occupied with thoughts you rarely let loose. You wondered how it would have felt to hold it again like when you had been younger and your homeroom teacher in elementary school had forced you to hold hands with your classmates while walking from your classroom to the school yard. A part of you doubted his skin would have still been soft against yours, but if you wanted to be honest, those memories might have been altered by your imagination. You knew for a fact that little Taehyun hadn’t been a big fan of you back in those days. He had always called you stupid.

Still, at moments like this, when you could burn the tiniest details of his face in your memories without his snarky remarks, you found yourself pondering whether Taehyun giving you so much comfort with his presence could have meant more than friendship. Could it have been what Beomgyu was feeling whenever he was dead set on how he had already found his soulmate? Maybe. But even if it was, it wasn’t that he hadn’t been wrong about it before.

And it wasn’t that you could have tested it out on your own. Even if you had said those words to your best friend, you were pretty certain he wouldn’t have said it back to you to allow the system to prove your assumption right or wrong. You could be sure about this because when you two had met, you had been still a toothless six-year-old and he had screamed at you whenever you carelessly told someone you loved them a lot.

‘Was it that bad?’ Taehyun’s raspy voice pulled you back to the present, painting your cheeks a light shade of pink.

‘Hm?’

‘The movie,’ he pointed out with his head still on your shoulder. His voice was quiet like a whisper, but because of his closeness and how his breath tickled your neck, it felt like he was screaming at you. It dressed your lower arm in goosebumps. ‘You’re deep in thoughts.’

You let out a soft chuckle when he lifted his hand in front of your face and poked the furrow between your brows.

‘I’m just tired,’ you whispered, not pulling away or making the smallest attempt to shake his hand off. Taehyun and you had grown closer during high school and your bond had become a lot stronger during your university years, but it was still rather unusual that he touched you. You wanted to prolong the momentarily intimacy.

‘Then stay. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t mind it,’ he proposed, tainting you with the idea. Your parents lived ten minutes from Taehyun’s family, but it was already past midnight and the weather was unreasonably cold. Staying over sounded like a dream coming true.

‘Okay. But I’m not making us breakfast,’ you agreed, the ultimate tasting weak on the tip of your tongue. You might have loved the way his pillowy blankets embraced your body in the morning, they might have made it super hard to get out of bed too soon, but you would have done so without any complaints if he had asked you to.

You knew he was aware of it, too.

‘Fine. I’ll make us some omelet if you send them away,’ your best friend negotiated and only then you realized that you two weren’t alone in the living room.

A bit disoriented, you turned your head towards your friends. Soobin and Kai were helping Sakura with the empty bowls and bottles, Beomgyu was flexing his dance moves to everyone and anyone who was willing to pay attention to him, while Yeonjun was texting and dealing with your hyperactive friend simultaneously. The laptop’s screen was already black, but you had a feeling that no one had bothered to turn it off.

You looked down at your best friend.

‘Deal,’ you agreed with an over-exaggerating sigh before you pulled away from the boy and stood up from the couch.

Standing, you clapped your hands to gain everyone’s attention, then told them the horrible news: it was time for them to leave. Despite his pouty lips, there wasn’t an ounce of mercy in you when Beomgyu tried to convince you why you should have persuaded Taehyun to let him stay, too, but did make him and the others a mug of hot chocolate to give them some extra warmth for the road. You weren’t heartless after all.

(Although, Taehyun couldn’t stop smiling at you when half an hour later, you shut the door in Beomgyu’s face.)

You spent Valentine’s Day with Yeonjun, Sakura, and Taehyun. The four of you pretended to be on a double date to get discounts in that popular coffee shop near campus that none of you could have afforded on a daily basis and one of the trending restaurants downtown where one needed to wear elegant clothes to be acknowledged. The experience might have failed to beat last year when Hueningkai had convinced you to go to the amusement park with him, but it successfully took your mind off Beomgyu’s date and the possibility of him getting his heart broken on the very day most people celebrated love.

‘Should we grab a drink? I feel like we should,’ Sakura thought out loud, pulling you towards the nearest bus stop by your arm, giggling as though she had said or heard something funny. The red wine you had drunk with your steak must have gotten in her head.

You turned your head and looked behind your back, rosy lips pouty and eyes pleading, but Yeonjun was too busy with his phone as he usually was these days and Taehyun did nothing but pouted back at you. You groaned in defeat when Sakura tugged on your coat and repeated her question.

‘I don’t think I can drink more. Why don’t we go back to the boys’ place and watch a movie? We could cuddle,’ you proposed, knowing well how much she loved nuzzling close to people during your movie nights regardless of their gender. It was never about intimacy for her, but the comfort that another person’s warmth could give her. She rarely spoke about it, but she missed Kagoshima and her family there a lot.

Sakura furrowed her brows, tapped her lower lip with her index finger once, twice, and three times, then shot a beaming smile at you.

‘Sounds good to me,’ she agreed before she noticed the night bus you planned to take and ran towards it with an iron grip on your hand and without giving a damn whether the boys were following you two.

Needless to say, she fell asleep on the couch in the guys’ shared apartment before you could have chosen a movie; thus, Yeonjun had to carry her to Soobin’s bedroom because the boy was luckily out of town and none of you had the heart to let her sleep in the living room.

The following morning, you woke up for the familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee and your best friend’s delicious omelet. You also heard a loud thud from the other side of Taehyun’s bedroom’s door, but you were too lazy to get out of bed and investigate when it was most probably one of your friends’ doing.

You turned away from the windows, pulled the blanket over your shoulders, so that it would have hid them perfectly, then closed your eyes to steal yourself five more min…

‘I’ve an important announcement. Get your ass to the living room!’ Beomgyu yelled from the threshold, his words getting louder and louder until you threw a pillow at you. ‘Hah! I knew you were awake. Taehyun’s just too soft on you.’

‘Get out!’ You groaned, lowkey wondering whether everyone else was already up or you were his first victim that morning. Yeonjun would have probably killed him if he had barged in on him after last night and you would have definitely woken up if he had dared to do the same to a hangover Sakura, right?

‘You have two minutes. I have important news!’ He insisted, coaxing another pained groan out of you before he shut the door. You wanted more than two more minutes, but you were aware that Beomgyu’s threats were rarely empty. You had already seen him exchanging sugar for salt in those identical containers the boys had, hiding Soobin’s underwear in their freezer, and throwing one of Kai’s plushies out the window when they disregarded him.

You walked out of the room with a fluffy blanket around your figure and headed straight to the couch with half-opened eyes.

‘Finally, our dear Pillow Princess decided to bless us with her presence,’ Beomgyu said, the nickname falling from his lips in English, making you wonder whether he would have ever learned what this phrase really meant or when would someone from your friend group make the effort to enlighten him.

‘Get to the point, Beomgyu!’ You grumped, then sat down on the couch and leaned your head on the closest shoulder you found. It was Yeonjun’s, whose other one was already supporting Sakura’s head.

The living room’s temperature was pleasantly warm and the blanket around you almost lulled you back to sleep when Taehyun joined the half-asleep group and Beomgyu took it as a sign to raise his voice again.

Your shoulders tensed when the boy clapped his hands, but then you felt a soft touch on your arm and turning towards the culprit, you came face to face with your Hello Kitty mug. You raised a brow, but accepted the coffee your best friend had made you with a grateful smile.

‘I found my soulmate. It’s Yerim, obviously, in case someone still has doubts,’ the boys said with a smug smile on his face as he dragged his gaze from one person to another. ‘I accept apologies in cash and donuts,’ he added, clearly waiting for something.

However, words didn’t come so easily. Not because you weren’t happy for him and Choerry. You were delighted that they had found each other. It was rather the initial shock that made your tongue heavy.

Still, you willed yourself and stood up from the couch, put your mug in the base of the worn furniture, and let the blanket pool at your knees as you rushed up to the boy and pulled him in your embrace. You might have been too sleepy a minute ago to remember his risky plan for Valentine’s Day, but now that you did, all your worries and gratitude came crashing down on you at once.

‘I’m so happy for you,’ you murmured against his ear, caressing his nape with your slightly trembling hand. ‘How did she take it? Did you stay with her for the night? If so, why are you here? Did you really leave her alone to brag to us about your soulmate in person?’ You threw every question at him that your mind was able to form, scolding him and congratulating him at the same time. Though, you weren’t angry with him anymore for waking you up.

You couldn’t have told when you started to cry or whether it had been you who had shed the first happy tears or Beomgyu. It hardly even mattered when the rest of your friends joined in the hug and you were suddenly sandwiched between Yeonjun and Beomgyu or Taehyun and Beomgyu, fighting for each breath.

You spent the morning in the living room, munching on your omelet, sipping on good coffee, and listening to the boys’ stories from the day before as though you hadn’t been present when Yeonjun had kissed Sakura’s cheek for a free macaron or when Taehyun had pretended to be a foreigner so that the overexcited waiter at the same coffee shop would have stopped giving him relationship advice.

It was around 1PM when Soobin got back from Ansan and around an hour or two later when Sakura and Yeonjun left for dance practice. Still in your pajamas, you were contemplating if you should have gone home, too, but then your best friend proposed an Alice in Borderland marathon that you couldn’t refuse.

‘Do you think we will also meet our soulmates one day?’ You found yourself asking while you were waiting for the popcorn in the kitchen, your thoughts wandering back to Beomgyu and Yerim at the sight of the hot choco Taehyun was preparing for you.

You paid close attention to his body language, praying that your blunt question didn’t upset him. Though, even with all those years behind your back, you couldn’t have been sure what his nonchalant shrug really meant. Did he try to play it cool? Did he truly not care?

‘Probably,’ he said at last, shooting a proud smile in your direction when he slid your mug towards you on the kitchen counter. ‘But I’m perfectly fine with just you and the guys in my life. You nag me almost as much as any real girlfriend would,’ Taehyun teased, the corner of your lips twitching because of his claim. As if he hadn’t nagged you just as much!

The truth was, you were oddly fine with just him and your friends in your life, too, but you didn’t want to give Taehyun another reason to make fun of you. Instead, you jumped on the opportunity and got the popcorn out of the microwave and followed him in his room with two huge bowls of snacks in your hands as though everything had been back to normal and your brain hadn’t tried to sabotage your friendship with memories of when just the two of you with him had been more than enough.

You had always thought that many things would change in your dynamics with your friends once one of you found their soulmate, but Beomgyu showed no signs of wanting to spend less time with any of you. He brought Yerim for your programmes more frequently, but they still had their separate lives and friend groups. The lack of dramatic change brought you comfort and shook you up on another level.

‘I told you to wear your gloves, but you never listen,’ your best friend scolded you as soon as you entered your parents’ house and he caught a glimpse at your scarlet skin while you were getting rid of your coats and boots.

‘I would’ve brought them if someone hadn’t been in such a hurry,’ you retorted with a click of your tongue, not blaming him for your carelessness for real. You knew it was your fault, that he had been only joking when he had said he would have left without you if you hadn’t been outside in a minute, but you didn’t feel like agreeing with him, either.

Instead, you nudged his shoulder with an apologetic smile and rushed to the kitchen to make yourself some hot chocolate. You might have already drunk with a big mug at the outdoor ice rink where you had spent the last couple of hours with your friends and Kim Minju, Soobin’s new hoobae at the broadcasting station, but one could have never had too much hot chocolate in winter break. No one could have convinced you of the opposite.

You took two porcelain mugs out of the cabinet, then stood on your tiptoes to put your hands on the chocolate powder as well when Taehyun grabbed it for you and took your red hands in his own right after he placed the unopened box on the counter. You looked up at him with wide eyes, confusion and something akin to gratitude blending in your orbs.

‘Taehyun?’ You breathed when he lifted your cold hands to his mouth and blew hot air on the sensitive skin. You had to gulp down your growing nervousness when his thumbs started to draw nonfigurative patterns on the back of your hands.

‘Hm?’ He mused, not taking his eyes off those red patches that the unforgiving cold had left on your skin.

A rational part of you knew this was nowhere near the most intimate moment you two shared. You had already exchanged forehead kisses in his bed right before you had fallen asleep, you had held him close for hours when his grandparents’ old Golden Retriever had died, and he had also seen you half-naked when you had lost your bikini top in the sea because of a bigger wave. You had grown up together. Your heart shouldn’t have fluttered from this gesture.

But it did.

‘How do you feel about being around me?’ You asked in a whisper. You could tell the exact moment when your question hit home: it was written on his face, in the way he furrowed his eyebrows and slowly lifted his head. His confusion was scary, it ate away at your confidence, but you had no desire to dance back on your words. Not now when the question was finally out in the open. ‘Is it different from when you’re with others?’ You pushed, just a little more.

Taehyun didn’t let go of your hands, but he took them away from his mouth and let them fall between the both of you. His smile was subtle, but it gave you hope.

‘I mean, you smell a lot better than the guys…’

‘That’s not what I meant,’ you cut him off with an unamused scoff, feeling a bit disappointed and very much vulnerable because of how much you wished to hear an answer that resembled your own messy feelings for him. You would have been so freaking happy with a simple yes, too, without any further explanation, that his answer made you feel worse than any no could have done.

Yet, you didn’t pull your hands out of his.

‘I know that’s not what you meant,’ he said in a neutral voice, his nonchalance mocking you, but you had known him even before you had gotten to know what I love you really meant, so you let the silence settle and used it as a shield. You used every passing second to muster up your courage because you knew that if you had let this opportunity slip through your fingers, it might have taken you years to bring the soulmate topic up again.

You stood still in front of the kitchen counter like a moth frozen in amber and couldn’t make your stiff limbs move even when Taehyun let go of you and walked up to the fridge to get the oat milk out of it.

There had been a time when he had openly hated you for using the word love so carelessly, but you had grown up since then. You had matured. You had learned the difference between admiration, obsession, and love - or so you would have liked to believe.

‘I like being around you. More than I like being around the guys. You’re funny and witty and a real pain in the ass in the best way possible. You know the worst sides of me and you’re still here, motivating me to be better, to do better,’ you started while you were still facing his back because this way it was easier. It wasn’t about momentary excitement for you, it was about something much deeper and a lot more permanent. ‘You know the way to comfort me when I’m upset, you know my favorite snacks, my favorite shows, my favorite everything even though I always claim to have no favorites at all…’

The air stuck in your throat when Taehyun turned around. His facial expressions were hard, but the way his knuckles turned white around the carton made it difficult to distinguish his anger from frustration or fear.

‘Don’t do it. Don’t say–’

‘I love you, Taehyun,’ you confessed nevertheless, telling yourself that it was the right thing to do and that you could have always apologized for your desperation later in case he walked out on you. It was a situation in which both of you were right and wrong, where both of you had your reasons. He had just as much right to be upset with your behavior as much you had to be upset with his refusal.

You would work through the consequences together when you got there.

But to be able to get anywhere together, Taehyun had to say these words back to you and he was clearly wary of doing so. He avoided your eyes and stumbled a step further from you as though you had pulled the rug from under his feet.

Pushing aside your own worries, you took a step closer to him, then another. You didn’t stop until you were standing right in front of him and then… Then, you took his cheeks in your hands and instead of forcing him to look at you, you fondled his skin with your thumbs.

‘It’ll be fine. We will be fine,’ you whispered, afraid that your usual tone or volume could have scared him away. ‘Please.’

Your heart was pulsing in your entire body: you could feel its presence in your neck and the tip of your fingers, but you didn’t tear your gaze away from him. Instead, you gave him as much time as he needed and let him hide his face in the crook of your neck when his feelings came crashing down on him.

Taehyun’s body was trembling in your embrace like leaves in silly autumn weather; his arms clinged onto your torso like you were the only thing that kept him on the surface when he said:

‘I love you, too.’

Because of your position, Taehyun couldn’t see them, but you did: those small, shimmering butterflies Beomgyu had been talking about. They were lingering around you in an uneven circle, never flying too close, but never leaving your sides, either, until their shine slowly faded away. People said they were the phenomenon one could feel in their tummy when they were around their destined lovers, but you weren’t actually sure. What you were certain of, however, was that they were beautiful and Taehyun needed to see them, too.

Your movements were tentative. You pulled away from the boy as gently as you could while you were still stroking his blade bones to soothe his nerves.

‘Look!’ You said quietly as though you were talking to a child. You couldn’t have been sure how long these creatures would have stayed around you to celebrate your bond with Taehyun, but you didn’t want to rush him. Even if you were scared to death that he would miss them and stay forever blind for the fact that you were meant to be.

When he opened his eyes, you saw your own emotions reflecting in his orbs. He seemed a bit more taken aback than you, but you could tell he was relieved and that he accepted your fate as naturally as you did.

Beomgyu was right after all. Sometimes you just knew because you felt it in your guts: the connection that brought you into and kept you in each other’s life.

The butterflies stayed with you for a day, but neither of your friends could see them, so you didn’t bother to tell them about the subtle change in your relationship. At first, you decided to not talk about it to avoid their teasing; later, it would have felt forced to bring it up out of the blue.

Still, none of your dates with Taehyun felt like a secret. You might have kept the PDA low, but you held each other’s hand during your movie nights with your friends and shared a few chaste kisses here and there when it felt natural.

It was almost ridiculous how no one was suspecting a thing with your weekly outdoor dates until Soobin walked in on you two kissing in the kitchen while you were stress baking at their place the week before your exam period. And it was definitely hilarious how fastly the news spread after he excused himself and rushed into his room.

That night, you didn’t have a chance to worry about your exams, because your friends made sure all hell broke loose once they showed up at the door. It was chaotic - empty pizza boxes and half-empty soju bottles all around in the living room -, but your life had never been more amazing.

You still believed soulmates didn’t make one’s life whole: your life had always been and always would be a whole on its own. But being with Taehyun surely made the experience better.

the end.

#taehyun x reader #taehyun x you #txt scenarios #soulmate au #txt fluff #friends to lovers au #ssbyme #kang taehyun #taehyun #taehyun fluff #txt soulmate au

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bliphany · 7 months

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The Coffee was not drugged. The Coffee reflected how we related to our own and other people's free will (of making one’s own choice)

So I read this post and agreed with it so much I felt myself vibrating. After a few hours of thinking about it, I wanted to ramble more under op’s post, initially, but found that it grew way too long. So, I decided to make a separate post.

After two months since Good Omens season 2 finale, my view of various theories/metas concerning the final fifteen minutes is that, I am okay with most of them as long as they don't erase Aziraphale’s agency.

Did Aziraphale genuinely want to fix Heaven with Crowley but with Crowley’s strong refusal he took the second best thing he thought he could get? I’m fine with that.

Did Aziraphale tried to fix Heaven to make it worthy of Crowley, the world he loved, and his idea of real goodness (he wouldn’t see the world suffer if he could help it) and with the newly-gained information of Second Coming he made his choice even though it broke his heart? I liked this a lot. It was my initial thought right after the finale and I’m still about 65-70% standing by this take.

Did Aziraphale lie to gain more wiggle room in an urgent, intense, and limited-resource situation while due to his own and Crowley’s backgrounds and characteristics they also hurt each other in the process? YES YES YES. Right now this is my favorite interpretation because it’s a realistic and complex bag of limitation/repression from the system, individual’s agency despite of it, free will and choices (never means we won’t make mistakes but always means we can still choose to do something), and their mutual (mis)understandings and relationship dynamics. It’s SO GOOD. It can lead to so many possibilities. It has its depth and enough twist for both characters and the audience. It well-reflected our world and can bring valuable discussions.

Was there something we weren’t shown and actually Aziraphale and Crowley had come up with some plan? I’m okay with that it might be fun.

What I personally don’t want (aside from “oh it’s all God’s plan God wanted them to love each other God is one of us”… but that’s another post I guess…) is to erase the weight of Aziraphale’s choice at the end of Season 2, along with all the good and bad and everything in between it could bring to the table and all the valuable exploration of “how could we thrive to make hard choices even (especially) under limited circumstances, with "a cup of coffee."

I believe that coffee did mean something though...

"Give me Coffee/Freedom or give me death."

Coffee means freedom to choose and free will. Coffee/freedom which Aziraphale was half-forced to take, meaning the “free” choice pushed upon you weren’t as “free” as it seemed after all. Especially true under our current capitalism world, wasn't it? But it was not completely drunk without Aziraphale's agency, either. Coffee/freedom which Crowley asked six shots of. Coffee/freedom which Nina served every day but still on her way to break free from a previous not-free situation. Coffee/freedom which Ms. Sandwich claimed tasted better when Nina was happy.

I think it's also worth mentioning that, Aziraphale served Muriel tea and demonstrated how to drink it but respected their choice not to drink just yet. Aziraphale invited Jim/Gabriel to have a cup of cocoa which Jim/Gabriel described as the best thing ever.

The coffee was not drugged. The coffee was a metaphor of many different ways people could relate to their free will and ability/responsibility to choose.

The most interesting part was, theoretically, we people praise free will, we value choices, and we love love characters to have their agency...

Until they made a choice that we personally don't like, against our point of view, or hurt us.**

**This is also why I never truly believed Crowley would Refuse Aziraphale with capital R in canon... Crowley was definitely heartbroken, but between the two of them, he was also the one who valued and respected people making their own choices more. We saw he did that again and again even when he didn't personally agree. The only once he "took" away others choice in canon was to prevent a suicide.**

Then, that was free will no more. We'd framed it as if said individual was nonconsensual. Or the relationship must be bad or unhealthy. Which was understandable, emotionally, but that was also exactly the point of people having free will, wasn't it?

Giving people agency means acknowledging that they are different individuals from us. There's connection. There's love. There's devotion. They're still their own person just like we are our own. Giving people freedom to choose means they might, will, and should be allowed to choose differently. If their choices break our hearts. Well, they break our hearts. That happens because people are people.

People can't truly choose/love us freely if they aren't also given the freedom to not choose/love us. (Not saying Aziraphale and Crowley didn’t love each other because they definitely do. I’m just saying, they’ve been co-shaping humanity from the start of course they would act more and more like people, and to paraphrase what Adam once said, it made no sense to make people people and then be mad at them when they acted like, well, people)

Ursula Le. Guin wrote this short story called "Nine Lives" and it was about real, meaningful connections were created by reaching out a hand in the dark, without knowing for sure whether there would be other people to reach back.

It’s a practice. To love and to love under the blessing and curse of free will choice.

Idk I’m just… the “coffee was drugged theory” especially didn’t make sense to me personally, because Good Omens has always been a story about human free will.

#good omens #good omens meta #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #Aziraphale’s choice #my good omens meta

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filmmakerdreamst · 1 year

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Lyra and Will is the best YA romance I've ever read. Not joking when I say I felt hollow for months when I read the part where they had to be separated at the end of 'The Amber Spyglass'.

Amir and Dafne did a fantastic job. I loved how they gave them more soft moments without cheapening their bond. Throughout the books, their relationship is incredibly delicate and subtly written (they're young after all) and they could have easily made it more obvious and over exaggerated for a Mainstream Audience. You'd think that wouldn't be possible but thats what Moira Walley Beckett did with Anne and Gilbert in 'Anne with an E' (that relationship basically consisted of staring at each other from a distance in that show rather than having a consistent build up)

I read an interview of Amir saying that he and Dafne never really looked at it as a romantic thing. It was more important that Will and Lyra were two friends that get along, and something might happen if it does happen. "When playing the scenes, it was never in the back of my mind" which is the way it should be approached with Lyra and Will because their relationship was not "framed as romantic" by Philip Pullman, it came naturally.

Edit: I wrote this analysis ^^ before my re-read and after re-reading the books I realised that was a bad approach to Lyra and Will's relationship. Even from the start, Lyra and Will's interactions are charged in the books and playing platonic until the finale at the end, is kind of a weird decision.

I personally always saw it as a deep bond between two teenagers, that became physical during the end because of everything they went through. It went beyond the typical romantic duality.

However, If I had to choose which version of their relationship I prefer (the book or the TV Show) I would have to choose the book. Because I felt during the last third, in the finale, that their relationship was a bit compacted like kiss -- you have to choose worlds -- separation. In the book, that part is so dragged out and emotional. Lyra and Will spend ages trying to find loopholes, find that there are none, then both of them get angry and upset. And it’s described that the angel felt their 'sorrows in the air'. In the tv show, I didn't really feel all that because everything was so 'get to the point' - when this is supposed to be a drawn out climax.

Unlike some others, I simultaneously believe that Lyra and Will are each others other half/soulmates. They are the only people in 'His Dark Materials' that can touch each others daemons without it being a violation and they will never love anyone else the way they loved each other. That's basically confirmed in 'The Secret of Commonwealth' (the spin off to 'His Dark Materials) where Lyra states that she still thinks of him every hour and that he’s the centre of her life.

And that their separation made sense.

Even though it was the most heartbreaking thing I ever read and left me hollow inside - its not realistic for them to have a solid relationship at 14 or how ever young they were at that point, especially on top of all their trauma. Also, it’s suggested in the books that everything must go back to the way that it was (closing all the windows) almost saying to the reader, you can't live in a fantasy world forever, you have to go back to the real world and live a full life. It’s like at the end of 'The Lord of the Rings' where Frodo destroys the ring, yet still dies at the end because of everything he went through.

It’s not fair. It’s not right. But thats just how life goes sometimes. Plus it made their ending a lot more memorable and iconic. I've actually gone to their real bench in Oxford and cried.

Although saying that, Philip Pullman has to let them see each other again when they're adults, in the last 'Book of Dust' - at least one last time come on now. But I have a feeling he won't reunite them until they die because he’s a cruel, cruel man.

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beyondspaceandstars · 2 years

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Treacherous (6)

Relationship: Druig x Reader Warnings: n/a (i think) Summary: Soulmate!AU - Soulmate tattoos are incredibly rare but you’ve never felt really proud to have one. Everyone else around you gushed over it while you found the whole thing ominous and a little inconvenient. Truthfully, you were never really convinced you’d find your other half… That is until a random camping trip leads you to a quaint village run by a dark and brooding man who just so happens to be your soulmate. Stuck in the forest with nothing else to lose, you agree to join his world, his little village, and see if there’s actually love behind the markings. A/N: so...... this is a part i wrote but never published on tumblr (haha wooooow). but, as promised, i will be continuing this fic. i truly thought i had given up on it (i had a lot going on in my personal life) but then i saw people, like, enjoy it...? like even still a couple months later i was getting stuff on ao3 about it and i figured well if people like it then i guess i can try to continue it and so far, im getting back into the swing of it all.

‘Treacherous’ Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You could tell Druig was still upset when he came to get you for dinner that night. You had spent the day alone, mindlessly wandering through the home. Nothing had been able to keep your attention, from snooping around to checking out Druig’s fascinating collection of random books. Only the despair and regret you felt were all that could consume you.

Druig’s dark presence later that day did zero to help, but it wasn't like you expected it to. Part of your hurt came from him, from the bond.

You two walked in silence towards the dining hall. The only indication that Druig was actually still beside you was his ghostly touch on your lower back, guiding you. Even for how upset he was, you could tell he still wanted you around.

Once you reached the dining hall, Druig wordlessly motioned for you to enter. You did so immediately and made a bee-line for the two reserved seats you had faced the village in earlier. You suspected they were a permanent feature.

You did your best not to make eye contact with anyone as you sat down. You had no interest in really learning how fast words traveled in the village.

Druig joined you in his accompanying seat moments later. The hall was quiet and still.

"Evening," Druig greeted his villagers in English before switching to give a brief address in Portuguese. His voice sounded so distant in your ears despite his proximity to you.

Food scooped onto your plate brought your attention back to the dining hall. You looked up out of reflex. It was Druig who was serving you this time. Why—

"You need to eat," he simply said. "I know you have gone without all day." That’s when you felt a tug, a good tug, on the bond. Tears began welling in your eyes.

"Druig, I’m so—,"

"No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for throwing so much at you. I-I got ahead of myself. There’s so much excitement, so much I want, that I’ve been going too fast." He sighed and placed the bowl of what looked to be grilled vegetables back on the table. "I realize I’m only going to push you away if I keep this up."

You were so relieved at his words. You could cry over it as well.

"I’m glad to hear you say that," you admitted.

Only a small part of you wondered why you were entertaining this. You didn’t have to deal with it — you could leave…somehow. But you also couldn’t, not really. Not realistically. It was a fantasy you were going to have to get over. That started by being an adult, by handling relationships as one. Because you had to be honest, this was a relationship of some sort.

"Good," Druig finally said with a nod of his head. He looked a little confused. You had a feeling he wasn’t used to apologizing. "Eat, now. I won’t have you withering away, aye."

His brief but accented words made you chuckle before you dove into a spread of vegetables and unknown meats. You didn’t really want to know what kind of animal gave its life for this meal so you ate silently and observed the villagers deep in their conversations. They no longer stared at you — well, at least the adults didn’t — making meals slightly more enjoyable.

You were just about finished when someone tugged at the hem of your dress. You looked down next to you to find the girl from class earlier. The one invested in love.

She looked at you with big, pleading blue eyes and mumbled, "I’m sorry."

You placed your fork and knife back on the table. "Sorry?" You frowned. "What for?"

You could tell she was searching for the correct English words so you waited patiently.

"You were…s-sad."

Your eyes grew wide and a bit embarrassed. "Oh—Oh, not with…"

Druig had apparently been listening because he piped up to save the day by translating what you were trying to explain.

When he was done, the girl smiled happily and said good night. You watched her hop back over to her family.

"Thank you," you said to Druig.

He responded by placing his hand on your knee beneath the table. So small, yet so electric.

***

Druig seemed a bit jittery the next morning. He had awoken before you, which was no surprise, but in your sleepy state, you suddenly smelled…coffee?

You at up on your side of the bed, careful not to fall. You had taken to sleeping as close to the edge as possible in hope of putting space between you and Druig but it wasn’t really an ideal situation.

You swung your feet off of the bed, now awake and curious. You’d never been awoken to coffee here before. You didn’t even realize they had it but that wasn’t saying much given your limited knowledge of the rainforest. You clearly hadn’t looked at enough travel blogs before taking your trip.

You tip-toed out of the bedroom and down the hall. Peaking around the corner, you found Druig standing in the kitchen…cooking? Something was sizzling on the stove. Water dripped from a filter in a carafe on the counter. Two plates were set up, each graced with a slice of toast. To say you were confused would be the understatement of the century.

But before you could ask what he was doing, Druig spoke. "Good morning."

You jumped, unaware that he knew you were there which was borderline stupid of you. He was constantly aware of your presence just as you were aware of his.

"Good morning," you said as you walked into the kitchen. You stepped around to the counter and inspected your surroundings. Scrambled eggs mixed with pepper and what smelled like cheese were cooking away. "What-What are you doing?"

"Making us breakfast," he said like it should be obvious. And, well, it was obvious but also…unexpected.

"I didn’t know you cooked," you responded. "Won’t the villagers miss you at their breakfast?"

Druig scoffed. "Despite what you may believe, I do not need to oversee them at all times. I have missed many breakfasts and I will miss many more. I… I just wanted to do something nice for us this morning. I’m certainly not the most skilled cook here but I do my best."

You glanced at the eggs and coffee as Druig walked over to pull a fresh bowl of berries out of the fridge. You frowned. You had never looked in the fridge. You had no idea it contained, well, anything.

Druig turned off the stove and began constructing your plates. A scoop of eggs, handful of berries, marmalade spread on the toast. "Would you get our cups of coffee prepared?" He asked.

You looked at the carafe then at the mugs sitting nearby. The use of our still wasn’t settling right in any capacity but you tried not to let it show. "How do you take your coffee?" Druig was already away setting the table. He moved so fast and fluidly throughout this home like this was how it was all supposed to be, just so content.

"One scoop of sugar, please," he said. "The canister is in the cupboard. Milk is in the fridge if you need it."

You turned back to the mugs and slowly poured the fresh coffee. You added a scoop of sugar to one and left the other plain. Sure, you missed your scoop of sugar and vanilla creamer, but, frankly, you didn’t want to make your coffee how you liked it. The idea of being that comfortable here was a little jarring to think about. You carried the mugs over to join Druig at the table. He was already digging around in his scrambled eggs like he was looking for the perfect bite.

You sipped your coffee and ignored how it burned your tongue. You just needed something to do. Despite the fact you two shared a bed — practically shared a life now — sitting here alone with him was still quite intimidating.

"Everything looks very good," you commented and took a bite of toast. It was incredibly fresh and crunchy. The butter was rich and melted on your tongue. There was still no denying the villagers here had some talent. You knew food from the outside world didn’t exactly make its way around here so to think they forged this, grew this, created this was beyond impressive. If you ever made it home, you didn’t think you were going to take your five-dollar coffee for granted ever again.

"I’m glad you’re enjoying it," Druig said with a small smile. He took another bite of eggs. "There is something I wanted to talk to you about this morning."

Your stomach twisted into knots. You thought you two had resolved your issue. It should be water under the bridge. Was he upset still? Why would he make this breakfast? Was he… Was he going to do something to you? No, why would he? You two are —

Druig’s hand gently laid over your’s on the table. You nearly yelped at his touch. There was absolutely no hiding the racing thoughts that had just flown through your head.

"There’s no need to be nervous, dear," he said with the utmost gentle voice. "I… I have an idea. But I want your input on it first."

You were nearly taken aback by Druig’s noticeable nervousness but you didn’t mention it. "What is it?"

"I would like you to meet some of the women of the village. They have a little…group where they craft necessities for the village. Sew clothing, make blankets, things like that. I thought maybe you could join them."

You slid your hand away from Druig’s. "I—I’m not sure." It wasn’t the crafting that really got to you — you had some knowledge in hobbies like crocheting and such — it was the idea of having to interact, to fit in with everyone. You were proving to be a little challenged in that area.

He smirked, almost humored by your concern. "Do not fret. They would be more than glad to teach you if that is what you are worried about." It wasn’t but you didn’t correct him. "I have overheard them and they already seem quite fond of you."

You bit the inside of your cheek. "They don’t really—,"

"Know you?" Druig finished your sentence with ease and amusement. "You need to stop worrying about that, dear."

You would likely never admit it out loud but he was right. None of this would ever work if your brain kept getting stuck on the more minute pieces.

You sighed. "Okay."

***

Druig led you to where the women congregated in the courtyard to complete their tasks. As you approached the group, you immediately recognized them as the ones you had asked for assistance from when you stumbled into this…world. That realization made you a tad bit more nervous but you couldn’t do anything about it. Druig had an incredibly tight grip on your hand.

He called out to the group of six women in their native tongue. All heads turned to you two. The women’s faces lit up once they noticed you trailing behind Druig.

"Welcome, welcome," an older woman spoke quickly as she stood waving you over.

"Ladies," Druig greets them then motions towards you, letting your hands finally disconnect. "You know my beautiful dear."

They nodded, slowly. You pretended not to notice that not exactly everyone in the group was totally sold on you yet. Some eyed you suspiciously but shot you forced smiles. Others kept their concentration on their work.

You were forced to stand awkwardly to the side as Druig gave the older woman a rundown of what he expected. She nodded eagerly, her eyes holding such fascination. She was practically consumed by the conversation. It was interesting, really, seeing the different approaches to Druig. Some looked at him like he was sent from heaven — which, well, maybe some could argue he was — while others paid him the bare minimum respect. You noted the latter was rarer than the former but it was clear to see that whatever attitude they had towards Druig was immediately extended to you.

You heard Druig ask the woman if she understood. Once she gave a definitive nod, the pair broke apart and the woman was now the one grasping your hand. She motioned for you to sit and you obeyed, trying to make yourself comfortable on a blanket the women had spread out over the ground. You looked around at the group. They appeared to be…knitting. They made yarn out here, too?

You felt someone plop down next to you and you looked over, surprised to find Druig had stayed. You furrowed your brows in silent questioning.

"You’ll likely still need me to translate, darling," he said.

You shook your head as the older woman handed you knitting needles and a ball of yarn. "I am fairly well-versed in knitting, actually."

Druig’s jaw went slack. "You couldn’t have told me that sooner?"

You shrugged. "I… When was I really supposed to tell you that? We haven’t exactly done any icebreakers."

Druig didn’t respond immediately, giving you time to begin your knitting. You weren’t totally sure what you were going for but so far it seemed to be a…blanket? Well, alright. You look at the other women’s projects. Some were busy with scarves, some with hats, others starting on socks. Until someone told you specifically what was needed, you’d continue with your blanket, you decided.

"Maybe you’re right," Druig said abruptly. You frowned and continued your knots.

"Right? About what?"

"We need to get to know one another better."

"I never said—,"

"We know so much yet so little it feels," Druig said, promptly cutting off your weak protests. But really, what did you have to protest? He wasn’t wrong. It was only slightly backward that he decided now would be the best time to pump the brakes and learn more about one another.

When you didn’t say anymore, Druig continued. "I suggest we have a…date."

You scoffed, not taking your eyes off your work-in-progress blanket. "A date?"

"Yes, a date," he confirmed. "That’s what humans do, aye? Even soulmates?"

"I…" Your words faded. You had to think about that for a second. Did soulmates go on dates? You were very familiar with dating people without soulmates. You had to assume it was the same among soulmates. "Yes, soulmates go on dates." You sighed. "Just because you are matched with someone doesn’t mean, like, life just begins. There may still be work to do. I… I think we’ve proven that."

From the corner of your eye, you saw Druig smirking. He looked incredibly pleased with this proposition. You couldn’t even deny that the idea of a date was a little bit exciting. Maybe something would conspire. There were obvious physical sparks between you two but when it came to an emotional understanding, you were on separate planes. A date could at least be fun. You were intrigued to see what Druig came up with.

"Very well then," he said with a nod. "We will have a date."

"Wonderful," you said and that was that. It was decided.

Druig was quiet for the rest of the afternoon while you continued on your blanket but you could feel his eyes on you the entire time. You did your best to ignore it and try to focus on your purpose here. The women around you were conversing in their native tongue and you could only pick up bits here and there but you truly didn’t mind. You were very focused on making something at least presentable. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself again.

A little weight was taken off your shoulders when the woman Druig spoke to — you presumed she was sort of in charge of this whole congregation — patted your kneed and said, "¡Bien!" You smiled, very pleased with what you had accomplished today. It felt great actually, sitting among the other women and creating something for the village. You weren’t sure where your blanket was actually going to go once you were done but it was at least a little contribution.

The group broke for the day just before dinner time. The women paired off, still chatting as they made their way back to their homes and families. Some women departed solo but quickly met up with others who had been working in a different part of the village. You watched them carefully as you stood from the blanket after having given the older women your project to store until tomorrow.

You felt Druig approach you from behind. A light hand was placed on your lower back.

"Did you have a nice time?" He asked. "If — If not, I’m sure there’s something else we can find for you —,"

You shook your head, cutting him off. "It was good," you confessed cautiously, a little shortly. "I haven’t had the chance to just sit down and knit in a long time."

"There are other projects they can teach you as well."

"That’s…nice."

Your words felt stupid but it was hard to speak when something was simmering. You didn’t want to admit out loud how content and natural it felt to spend your afternoon doing the most simple but enjoyable task. With Druig by your side.

For just a couple of hours, your brain was on one thing. Part of you even blocked out the fact you were where you were. You could only imagine what other crafts and projects would do for you. It was nerve-wracking in a way you couldn’t understand. There was little you could do to formulate exactly what you were feeling.

It was almost like…something had clicked.

You shot down the feeling immediately. That was ridiculous. That was insane. Why could’ve clicked? You were just knitting. You were probably tired from repeated restless nights in that shared bed. Your exhaustion was making you feel things alarming. You were definitely taking a nap after dinner — on the couch. Far away from your soulmate. Just for a bit. But if you were lucky, he’d leave you there for the night.

If Druig could sense your uncertainty — which you wouldn’t absolutely bet on — he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he moved his hand from your back and grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers.

"Come on," he said, tugging you gently as he began walking away from the courtyard. "I want to check on dinner before it’s served."

You didn’t resist as Druig led you over to the dining hall, that weird feeling inside you dormant but brewing.

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showrunnerihardlyknowher · 1 year

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Initially, I deleted this ask after I read it, because I am of the internet belief that not everything needs to be publicly posted/responded to as that only invites in inbox debates. But then I started thinking more about what was said, and I started getting annoyed again, so let me start by saying this: This is the one and only ask about the topic that I will reply to with an actual answer. For now, I'm still heated, and I have things to say.

Her psychological consequences mean nothing to me. Where was this concern for people's psychological wellbeing when it came to unicornofgt watching their work get stolen and watered down before their own eyes and flaring up their physical ailments? For bolshoycorvid who was ignored and cast aside, whose characters were cut out of the loop despite making up half of the story? For the friends who could only sit and let our friends vent to us about the growing distress and anxiety they felt in dealing with the drama and its eventual fallout? For the mutuals and fans who lost a great series and several great content creators as a result?

She drastically reduced posting -- Bestie, my friends had to stop posting entirely because they only out they could see from this hot mess was by abandoning their blogs and everything with it!! They lost their stories and characters, they lost internet friends and fans, they lost their passions for the craft and the desire to share anything publicly again lest they be belittled for feeling bitter about it being ruined for them. Not to mention, when she does post, she's still posting to 20K+ followers that were gained due to her actions at the expense of unicornofgt and bolshoycorvid.

And yeah, that post was mean and angry. And yeah, this post is also mean and angry. Because!! I'm angry!! I'm not going to sugarcoat anything that I'm feeling just for someone who doesn't want to lie in the bed she made!!

Do I want abuse to happen to her? No. Do I want anyone to hurt her, including herself? No. If I thought she was capable of being held accountable for her actions and face whatever consequences, then that would have already happened when this mess first came to light. But the fact of the matter is that it wasn't, and that's what I'm upset about, because it was instead conveniently forgotten by everyone and it feels like I'm the only one left who still feels upset about this. People were already far more considerate for her feelings than for the feelings of those who were affected twice as severely

Ideally, the consequence would be she loses the clout she stole from unicornofgt and bolshoycorvid, that they and our other mutuals never had to leave, that GTMS could pick up where it left off to everyone's open arms without anything tainting its past. But it can't. It never will. So realistically, the only consequence I can hope for is people will see the other side of the story and remember everything that was lost in a matter of months.

Not to mention, blindly supporting her, reassuring her that she did nothing wrong, insisting their was equal faults on both sides; all that does is prevent her from learning any lesson from what's happened. It shows she can do what she wants, have an entire series prematurely ended and creators leave in droves, say a simple sorry, and then move on with her life and popularity. And what happens to everyone else? Forgotten. Blamed. Their joy of creativity killed. Their desire to share another idea gone. Really, who am I going to be more sorry for here?

#ask #anon #but what about cham's feelings -- what about iris's feelings!! what about taylor's feelings!!#literally why would i care about how she feels when she's the one who caused my friends i leave!!#the whole reason this shit was swept under the rug in the first place is because people prioritized HER feelings over THEIRS #and i'm here to tell you that i don't care!!!!!#she feels bad about it its making her so sad -- good that's literally the point of owning up to what you did #im not here to spare anyone's feelings when no one thought to think of the actual people affected

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megaeralwrites · 11 months

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5 Things I Learned While Querying + Helpful Resources

Writing and publishing a novel has been a lifelong ambition for me. I achieved the first half of that dream when I wrote my first novel at age 9 or 10. It was called The Pharaoh’s Ghost, which is, well, extremely on-brand for me. Although I’ve worked on many other writing projects over the years, I didn’t make a serious effort to get a book published until 2022. My debut novel will be coming out next year, shortly after my 40th birthday. It only took me 30 years to get there!

I hit the querying trenches in the summer of 2022 with little sense of how it all worked. By February 2023, I had signed a contract with CamCat Books. The whole process was an exhausting emotional thrill ride and one of the most interesting learning experiences of my life.

I’m by no means a grizzled veteran of the querying and publication process at this point, but as someone fresh from the trenches, I have a pretty good sense of what it looks like right now. I thought it might be helpful to other writers starting their own querying journeys—or coming back after a long hiatus—if I discussed a few of the things I learned along the way.

If you’d rather skip my rambling and get straight to the helpful resources, scroll down to the end of the post. Every link I’ve listed there played an immensely valuable role in the querying process for me.

It helps to go in with a game plan.

Querying a manuscript for the first time feels nebulous and scary. One thing I’ve seen a lot of my fellow authors grappling with is the question of how long to keep at it before shelving a project. How many agents should you query before you set it aside and move on to the next book—or go to Plan B (which, for many authors, is self-pub)?

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It depends on your personal goals, the nature of the book you’re trying to publish, and your stomach for dealing with the querying grind, which takes a lot of time and emotional energy. But one of the best decisions I made for the sake of my mental health during this process was setting those limits for myself ahead of time.

I read an article that advised querying 80 agents before giving up on finding representation for a project. I’ve also seen similar pieces recommending other numbers, like 100 or 150. Those are arbitrary numbers, of course. Some (incredibly lucky!) writers get picked up after querying fewer than a dozen agents, and others query hundreds before getting their “yes”. But I liked 80—it felt attainable, realistic, and not completely overwhelming.

(By the way, no matter how many agents you decide to query, you’ll want to make a spreadsheet. There are a lot of moving parts to keep track of when you’re querying multiple agents. I had a big spreadsheet o’ agents and publishers that I made in Excel that helped me stay on top of things like who I’d already queried and who I still planned to query, expected response times, whether I’d heard back from an agent yet, whether I had already queried someone else at the same agency, etc. There’s no way I could have managed it all without the spreadsheet.)

I also came up with a backup plan. Two of them, actually—for me, plan B was to submit my book directly to presses that take unagented manuscripts. Plan C was to self-publish. Having these other options in place was incredibly comforting as I waded around in the querying trenches. I knew that one way or another, my story would find a home. Ultimately, no matter what happened, I was in control of its final destiny.

I didn’t get all the way through Plan A before my path took an unexpected and delightful turn. I had queried 70-some agents and gotten a few bites (but no offers yet) when I joined an indie press’s Twitter pitching event on the spur of the moment. One of the editors liked my pitch, so I submitted my MS to them. A couple months later, I had a book deal. Which brings me to my next point:

2. Getting an agent and self-publishing aren’t the only paths to publication.

If you’re gearing up to try and get a book traditionally published, brace yourself. You’re going to be buried under an avalanche of well-meaning friends, relatives, and total strangers advising you to self-publish.

Self-pub is a completely viable and valid path to publication, and some authors are mind-bogglingly successful at it. I have nothing but admiration for those who can pull it off, and as I mentioned above, it was on my list of options if other avenues didn’t work out for me. I wanted to try the trad approach first, though. I may be a personage of many talents, but I have the business acumen of a sea sponge. I went into this venture knowing that I would benefit greatly from the support and guidance of a professional team that knows the ins and outs of bringing a newborn book into the world.

But for those who are struggling to connect with an agent, there is an alternative that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough—submitting directly to presses that take unagented manuscripts. These are not typically Big Five publishers. They may refer to themselves as indie presses or small presses, but they publish on the traditional model. This means that they take care of the costs and logistics of designing, printing, and distributing your book. They also pay their authors (in the form of royalties, advances, or both).

This is the path I ended up taking, and I couldn’t be happier. The publication process is personalized and collaborative in a way that, from my understanding, you aren’t likely to get with one of the Big Five. I'll still need to do a lot of my own marketing, but that's increasingly true of authors working with major publishing houses as well.

All that said, be careful. Do your research before signing with any press (or agent, for that matter). Read up on them on forums like Absolute Write and check if they have a Writer Beware entry. Talk to other authors who have worked with them, if possible. And if a publisher asks you for money, either run away or go in fully informed about what you are dealing with—i.e., not a traditional publisher, but a hybrid, assisted, or vanity press. Also keep in mind that even established trad publishers sometimes engage in unsavory business practices (or they might just not be the best fit for you, personally, for whatever reason), so dig a little deeper even if you’re pretty sure you’re dealing with an outfit that’s legit.

(Incidentally, one of the big green flags for me with CamCat was that the publisher, Sue, advised me right up front to get my contract reviewed by the legal team at The Authors Guild before I signed it. This is excellent advice for any writer, whether you’re signing with an agent or a publisher. The Authors Guild gives free legal advice and support to all dues-paying members, so your only investment is the price of membership—we’re talking about $100-ish per year, depending on your membership level—which is much, much more affordable than hiring a lawyer.)

For more information about the possible paths to publication and the pros and cons of each, check out this helpful breakdown from Jane Friedman.

3. The waiting is the worst part (or it was for me, anyway).

Querying a book takes forever. There is so. Much. Waiting. Most agents are overwhelmed. Some of them take months or even years to get back to querying authors . . . that is, if they respond to you at all. For me, the waiting was harder than the actual rejections. At least a quick rejection brings closure! You know you can move on and stop worrying about it.

Waiting to hear back after you’ve gotten a request for additional pages or a full manuscript is even harder. Once you get a request, you have a tantalizing sliver of hope to hold onto, but a request is no guarantee you’ll get an offer of rep. So you spend the next several weeks (or months) on tenterhooks, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And if you do get an offer, then you get to hurry up and wait some more. Authors who manage to land an agent and crawl out of the hell that is querying are then plunged into the purgatory of being “on sub.” Your agent must shop your book around to different potential publishers, another process that can take months or years.

Since I skipped the agent bit, I was lucky enough to be spared some of that additional waiting. But even after you sign with a publisher, there’s still a lot of waiting involved in the process of preparing a book for publication. The time from signing the contract to release is typically about 12-18 months. At this point it’s happy waiting, of course. There’s light at the end of the tunnel! Really exciting things are happening during the waiting! Still, if you’re an anxious or impatient sort of person, just . . . be prepared. It’s a looooong process.

4. The Twitter writing community is incredibly helpful.

Twitter is a wretched hive of scum and villainy, we all know this. It’s always had these tendencies, and the recent Muskening has only made them worse. If you want to use it for, well, anything, it’s important to curate your experience carefully. Be judicious about the accounts you follow. Be prepared to block liberally. I’ve found it helpful to use my writing Twitter strictly for writing stuff. Honing in with a laser focus will help you avoid the soul-deadening morass of literal Nazis, flat-Earthers, and Bitcoin bros.

Despite all those caveats, the Twitter writing community is full of kind, helpful, brilliant, and creative people. Dive into tags like #WritingCommunity, #amquerying, and #MSWL to connect with both authors in the trenches and agents/editors who are open to queries. You’ll find people who are happy to discuss writing, commiserate about the woes of querying or being on sub, help you come up with comps or fine-tune your pitches and query letters, and trade advice in DMs about which agents and presses are good to work with and which ones to avoid. It’s a great place to look for beta readers and critique partners.

You’ll also see agents, publishers/editors, and writers behaving badly, which can be alarming and discouraging. But that stuff is helpful in its own way. You’ll get a sense of the major pitfalls to watch out for and how to keep yourself safe.

One of the most useful things, for me, has been participating in Twitter pitching events. As the name suggests, these are events where you post pitches for books you are querying—sometimes accompanied by moodboards or other visuals, sometimes not—and industry people will like pitches they are interested in. A like from an agent or a publisher is an invitation to query them. Sometimes industry folks who are otherwise closed for submissions will consider queries based on pitch event likes. This tweet contains a list of upcoming pitching events (although it is not exhaustive).

Some pitching events, like #moodpitch, have several days of bonus activities leading up to the main event. This can be a fantastic opportunity to network with other writers and finetune your pitches.

Not only are these events good for connecting with potential agents and publishers, but they’re amazing community building opportunities. Querying writers get together to critique each other’s pitches, swap support during the event (this involves retweeting and commenting on each other’s pitches so the algorithm doesn’t eat them--no liking, since that's just for agents and publishers), and cheer each other on. I’ve seen some incredible pitches and found a lot of writing community mutuals this way.

I connected with CamCat Books through #CamCatPitMad, a pitching event just for CamCat that currently takes place four times a year. You can check out the dates and event rules here. Although this particular event is more limited in scope than your average Twitter pitchfest since it’s just for one publisher instead of an industry free-for-all, the rules and setup are pretty typical.

Unfortunately, agents and authors alike have recently raised alarms about sharing pitches and snippets online at events like these due to concerns about the theft of ideas—both by humans and AIs. You can see a thread about this issue here. I honestly don’t know how concerned anyone should be about either possibility, but it’s something to keep in mind if you’re weighing the risks and benefits of joining a pitching event.

5. You don’t need a massive social media following to get published.

When you’re new to the querying process, you’ll see a lot of well-meaning advice that isn’t necessarily accurate. One thing I’ve seen pop up a few times is this idea that agents and publishers won’t even look at you unless you already have a major social media presence and tons of followers. This is alarming news for new writers trying to break into the industry, but fortunately, it’s simply not true.

Sure, it’s a good idea to already have a basic author website and some social media platforms set up, and a lot of agents and publishers will ask to see them. But you don’t need to be a successful influencer with a huge ready-made fanbase to find representation or get a book deal. Just relax, focus on the monumental tasks of writing and querying your books, and put yourself out there on social media whenever you have the spoons to manage it. Engage with other writers and readers and just have fun. After a while, you’ll start to build a following naturally. Don’t sweat it.

On a related note, you don't necessarily have to hire a pro editor before querying, either. Get your book as polished as possible before you query or submit it, of course. But keep in mind that if you get an agent, they'll most likely help you edit your book, and then it will be edited again once it hits the publishing house. In the meantime, find some readers with a good grasp of the things you struggle with the most, whether it's SPAG or story structure.

Finally, here are some invaluable resources I stumbled across during my querying journey:

Manuscript Wish List: If you’re not sure where to look for agents or publishers, this is an excellent place to start. Industry people post information here about what they want (and don’t want!) as well as instructions for querying them. Make sure to check the agency or publisher website before submitting, since the info on the MSWL website isn’t always up-to-date.

QueryTracker: Any writer who’s seriously querying a book is going to end up using this website in some capacity. Many agents require you to query them through forms on the industry-end website, QueryManager. You can then monitor the status of your queries through the sister site, QueryTracker. QueryTracker also allows you to search for agents by genre and other filters. I found it worthwhile to subscribe to the premium version (just $25 per year) and get access to the additional features, such as the ability to view individual agents’ query response rates and other data.

Writer Beware: One of the biggest industry watchdogs. Want to find out if a potential agent, agency, or publisher is legit? Start here.

Publishing … and Other Forms of Insanity: Erica Verrillo does a great job keeping on top of industry news. Her website is an invaluable source of information about agents, publishers, writing contests, conferences, and other resources and opportunities for writers at all stages of the querying and publication journey.

Jane Friedman’s website: Jane Friedman has decades of experience in various aspects of the publishing industry, and her website is a great resource for new writers trying to get a sense of how it all works. She offers tips on topics like how to find agents and publishers, the differences between trad and self-publishing, and how to write an effective query letter.

Absolute Write Water Cooler: This is a forum for authors and an excellent place to find advice and informative industry gossip. If you’re wondering whether a particular agent or publisher is good to work with, search for them here. You’re likely to find a discussion thread where writers are sharing their experiences.

The Authors Guild: This is America’s oldest professional organization for authors. In addition to offering free legal services to members, they provide website hosting and building services, discussion forums, educational materials and events, and assistance for writers seeking various types of insurance (from media liability to dental!).

#writing community #publishing #querying #writing resources #publishing resources

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crystalelemental · 3 months

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In a distressingly rare moment of clarity, I acted before rationalization could settle in and have deleted Masters from my phone.

I feel this decision may seem sudden, but it’s been bubbling for a while. Since anniversary, actually. EX Roles were shitty. It was a bad, frustrating implementation of an unnecessary system. Having it be with Kantrio did not help at all. Even with additions like Halloween Roxanne or my favorite mythical in Meloetta dropping, I get a short burst of enjoyment and then hit a wall. What’s being added just isn’t keeping a hold on me.

A big part of it is gameplay. Having given a legitimate, maximum effort try at Gauntlet, and still come up just shy of top 100, I find myself uninterested in pushing further. The Grass High Score event went comparably. While I had several missing tools on that front, the fact is I barely broke top 200 despite what felt like a very strong showing. Could I make better with Psychic, knowing I have every tool? Probably not, actually. They’re not all EX, SS Steven is only 1/5, and I don’t feel like putting in the resources. So I don’t know what I’d realistically be aiming for. Villa’s dead, and the new mode demands resources just to play. Lodge was never interesting as a game mode, but I’m getting tired of managing it every day.

But at the top of this growing list of disengagement is Champion Stadium. The 3k meta is absolutely miserable for off-type when dealing with modern regions. I tried to do something fun, a clear of each stage with one form of Cynthia, and I couldn’t do it. My 5/5 base Cynthia was not able to handle any of those stages. At the point a max invested pair cannot, through any attempted means, seem to net a clear, I feel like we’re hitting walls that are no longer fun to scale. But on the reverse side, playing to on-type means first try blitzing every stage, completing the whole event in like 10 minutes. Which is not fun either. So if the other modes are stale and not worth the effort, and the main fun mode has lost its fun because on type is too easy and off type too restrictive…what’s left?

The answer I came up with is “nothing.” I have been here before with FEH, when the entire game no longer feels fun, and every start of the new week is met with the grumble of obligation rather than excitement to have something to do. I’ve even stopped caring about a lot of what’s released; Iono is not a particularly low tier favorite from Paldea, and I don’t have her superior in NC Blue, yet skipping her was incredibly easy. I just don’t feel any draw to the game.

I won’t pretend there is no chance of me coming back. Half Anni is in another month, and it’s possible we get Volo. With a sufficient favorite, I could return. But I’m giving up hoping for Caitlin. We haven’t seen a Cynthia or Lillie in ages. Jasmine’s most recent scraps were being treated worse than a BP pair that’s a year old. Hell, even if they do a Volo release, there’s good odds he gets the Rose treatment. I let it slide before because Rose sucks so who cares, but pulling that with an actually good antagonist would be unforgivable.

For anyone who reads them, sorry but there won’t be any post-datamine stuff, nor any teambuilding guides this month. I’m sitting this one out. And depending on how that goes, maybe dropping it altogether.

#personal shenanigans

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tyrantisterror · 2 years

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Jurassic World: Dominion is the biggest, loudest, dumbest Jurassic World movie yet

Ok not really, but almost! When I was through the first half of this one I felt pretty confident it would out-stupid Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, but the second half managed to pull it from that brink just slightly, allowing Fallen Kingdom to keep its crown as the dumbest Jurassic franchise film of all time. But do not fear: Jurassic World: Dominion is still dumb.

So, like, tangent time - a lot of negative reviews about the Jurassic franchise have this stock criticism of “every movie is just people trapped on an island with dinosaurs.” And I think that’d bad criticism for a couple of reasons. First, lots of movie series look same-y if you describe them in reductive terms like that, but for some reason monster movies seem to be the only ones that get raked over the coals for it. I could just as easily and accurately summarize every superhero movie as “people in costumes punch each other,” but that doesn’t stop Hollywood from making fifty of them every month and critics from giving them decent to glowing reviews for bringing a “fresh” take to the genre.

Second, the most recent Jurassic World movies are very much NOT “just” people trapped on an island with dinosaurs - while the second half of each sequel has a setpiece of people trapped in a space with dinosaurs, the first half of them consists of a bunch of stupid shit where the writers desperately try to figure out what to do when people AREN’T trapped with dinosaurs, and that’s where these movies get REALLY dumb. Maybe “people trapped on dinosaur island” is this series’ lane, and maybe they should be allowed to stay there.

Ok, tangent done.

The writing, editing, and directing is bad in this movie - moreso in the first half, as the second half picks up in all three of those elements, but it’s still never what I’d call good. There are sporadic moments of quality, mainly carried by the actors and the spectacle, but, like, we gotta stop letting Colin Trevorrow do movies, guys. He’s not good at it.

Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern, and Sam Neil are all fantastic actors, and while they’re not good enough to keep you from realizing a lot of their lines are badly written and their scenes abruptly edited in a way that is REALLY distracting (especially in the first half), because no human can work miracles, they are good enough to bring a lot of charm and charisma regardless of the material, and it helps that the clearly remember how these characters were written under Spielberg and bring little touches and subtleties in their performances that Colin Trevorrow wouldn’t have thought to ask for. Also, like, holy shit these three aged like wine, goddamn, if you’re into milfs and/or dilfs this is your jam, good lord

I think the second half of the movie works because it focuses more on the original JP trio than it does on the odious leads of the previous two Jurassic World movies, which is good because Claire Dearing is an inconsistently written mess of a character and Owen Grady is... possibly one of my least favorite characters in fiction? Like damn, “guy who domesticates dinosaurs” is what I wanted to be when I grew up and somehow I hate this character with a passion, good job Colin.

There’s a couple of corporate characters introduced in this movie (sorta - Dodgson technically was in the first film, but he was in it so little and had none of the character traits he does here, so it might as well be his first movie in the franchise) that I actually found pretty compelling. Dodgson is kind of a relief because he’s not a sneering, over-the-top villain like the previous Jurassic World movie bad guys, but rather a more realistic, awkward “human lives are just statistics in an equation that makes me money” style corporate villain, and the actor playing him does an excellent job selling it. He’s evil in the vein of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk, and I like that. His second in command is a really interesting character too, possibly the best written character in the whole movie, and to say more would unfortunately spoil some things, but still, worth noting.

But enough about humans! Dinosaurs! That’s what this is all about in the end, after all. How are the dinosaurs?

Well, much better than in Fallen Kingdom, thank god! I mean, that’s a low fucking bar to clear, but still. The carnivores are no longer self-destructively murderous! They value their lives over committing wanton acts of slaughter! It’s a small thing, I suppose, but it’s something Fallen Kingdom fucked up royally, so my joy is indescribable!

Even the Giga more or less acts like just a big, territorial predator. Yes, despite Colin Trevorrow’s inexplicable and utterly bonkers fucking statement about the Giga being Heath Ledger’s The Joker’s Scalysona, the Giganotosaurus is presented as just a big predator who wants food. Low bar to clear, but we cleared it!

Blue and Rexy, the only likable characters to appear in every Jurassic World movie, have diminished roles in this one, but they get some satisfying emotional moments, and that’s nice.

All that said... I’m lowkey annoyed that this movie’s writing made me kinda dislike tropes I’m normally a slut for. There’s a big monster fight at the end of this movie, and, like... it was not earned. The first Jurassic World, for its many faults, properly set up its big monster fight, and that fight was the natural climax of its story. It was earned. Here the big monster fight comes after the story is pretty much wrapped up, tacked on as if it was something the studio exec’s demanded at the last minute. It’s not set up and has no weight, and so it felt... pointless.

And if I, a person who wrote two fucking books where there’s a big monster fight in almost every chapter, think the big monster fight at the end of your movie was unnecessary and unengaging, that’s a bad sign, right?

But it’s fun. It’s dumb, but it’s enjoyably dumb, like a Friday the 13th movie or an Andrew WK song. And there’s some lovely spectacle of dinosaurs in the modern world that, to date, you really can’t get anywhere else, and the novelty of that is enough to make my inner child happy. So, if you’re in the mood for big, dumb fun with dinosaurs, this is for you.

#Jurassic World #Jurassic World: Dominion

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larathia · 1 year

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So I finally got my hands on the Beast movie. (review/analysis)

As a movie: ...wow. That was bad. That was ....Flash Gordon (the 1980s one, soundtrack by Queen, that one) levels of “seriously, you need a BUDGET to do this story, why didn’t you get one?”

As a BSD AU, though, there was some interesting stuff here.

Let me get the ‘movie itself’ bit out of the way first, though.

For anyone going “But I wanna see! I wanna see!” - I feel you. I do. I’d been scrabbling for months trying to get my hands on this movie, to see what it showed. And so I feel I really should tell you....WOW THIS MOVIE NEEDED AT LEAST FIVE TIMES THE BUDGET IT APPARENTLY GOT, okay. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen better SFX on movies from the 1980s. In fact, I know I have; that’s why the comparison to Flash Gordon came to mind, because it’s the only 80s movie I can think of offhand where the SFX are comparable-to-slightly-worse than this.

Akutagawa is definitely the central figure of the movie. They did not have anywhere near the budget to do Rashomon justice. The utter failure to do Rashomon any kind of justice actually makes the acting worse. Have you ever seen the 1960s Batman? Adam West? (If you haven’t, go look it up, I’ll wait.)

Bluntly, the fight scenes - and you know, there’s a lot of those - look like 1960s Batman fight scenes. Just without the ‘pow’ and ‘biff’ animations. It’s just about impossible to take it seriously. Even Oda’s fight scenes, which should have looked utterly Matrix-esque, came off this way. And if you’re thinking ‘yeah but the Matrix needed a budget’ - agreed. I will therefore add that even Kenji’s fights were 60s-Batman levels of cartoonish.

They didn’t even manage to make Dazai’s swan dive off the tower look realistic. I half-thought, the way they did that shot, that Dazai was going to swoop off into the clouds like a goth mummy Superman.

As for the costuming....I’ve seen better at conventions among the cosplayers, not gonna lie. I’ve seen better wigs on cosplayers, I’ve seen better costumes on cosplayers.

I’m sure the actors did their best with what they had, and sometimes - sometimes, despite all this, they managed to pull off a scene well. There are moments here and there where I forgot for a few seconds that I was watching a fansubbed movie that looked like a fan production. But I couldn’t fall into the movie on its own merits. I just couldn’t. I wanted to so much, and it just wasn’t going to happen.

Okay. Now that I’ve lowered your expectations to a more realistic level regarding “wanna see!”, let’s move on to the content.

I would like to begin by saying this movie expects that anyone who is sitting down to watch it has

1) Read the manga, 2) Read the light novels, 3) Also read the Beast manga, and 4) Watched the anime.

It harks back to all of these at different times, and also alludes to things in the manga(s) that it does not go into depth on because it assumes you already know all that shit. And then it goes in its own direction, all the while kind of winking at the audience like “hey, I bet you were expecting a straight adaptation, but GUESS WHAT” Sometimes, this leads to honestly bizarre choices. Like using the quite gentle-sounding ending-credits music from the anime during a big fight scene between Akutagawa and Atsushi. Other times it’s more puzzling...like nearly every appearance of Fyodor.

I will say that watching the movie cast certain parts of the manga in a new light for me; namely, some of Dazai’s motivations. It honestly felt to me, watching this, like B!Dazai used what he changed to try and actually ...wake Akutagawa up? Make Aku realize just what he’s been doing wrong all this time? Because in this version, he really was going to kill Gin...and you’d think that would be a terrible thing, but it actually comes off as kind of a mercy to her. A way to spare her from feeling responsible for her brother’s choices, since he’d happily kill the whole world to ‘get her back’. And it made me think of why B!Dazai kept Gin as a secretary, instead of recruiting her - we know she’s actually quite a capable member of the Black Lizards, main timeline. I think Dazai kept her a secretary because he needed her to be...well, pure. Pure enough at heart that she could see her brother being an out of control rabid dog and recognize it for what it was, and call him out on it. Because nobody else could get through to Aku. Everyone tried, but no one got through. It was Gin basically telling him he’s a soulless monster born to do evil that shook Aku up enough to start really questioning himself. And Gin did that because of how Dazai had treated her up to that point, meaning Dazai basically turned Gin into the key to cluebat Aku into growing the fuck up.

I was ...also less inclined to blame Dazai for how Atsushi turned out. Atsushi is just...broken, regardless of what universe he’s in, and in the Mafia you don’t get healed from that, you just learn to deal with it.Dazai’s order not to return to the orphanage likely had a lot to do with Mori being in there somewhere, and a desire to keep Atsushi from getting even more broken by the old headmaster. He seems to be as gentle with Atsushi as the situation allows.

Ah, but y’wanted to know what’s different.

Well, first, Fyodor is in this motherfucker. When Oda goes into a top secret facility to get the recording of Dazai so Aku can hear the Man In Black’s voice, Oda runs right into a cello-playing Fyodor. Who gives him the recording. And incidentally poisons Oda with a contact poison on the disc’s case. Why? Who the fuck knows. Fyodor and nobody else, that’s who. (Oda seems to just get better from the poison.)

Second, there’s a coda after the credits. In it, Atsushi is summoned to a supermax prison cell, where a straight up deranged Chuuya is being held by the government. Despite, y’know, being in a government supermax prison, Chuuya declares himself Boss of the Mafia. In this capacity he’s called Atsushi to attend him, and when Atsushi says he’s out, Chuuya says Kyouka’s already returned to the fold, oh and btw go kill the ADA.

Chuuya is deranged, it turns out, because he’s spent seven years plotting to kill Dazai, and then the fucker up and offs himself one day for shits and giggles (as Chuuya sees it). He can’t kill Dazai now, so he’ll go after the ADA, which attacked the Mafia and the attack resulted in the death of a Boss, therefore the mafia is honor-bound to avenge said Boss. (This is actually reasonable, since while Dazai does kill himself, the only witnesses are the ADA and Atsushi, who can be argued to be a traitor to the mafia. And the ADA really did storm the mafia base and kill a lot of people and it’s ...actually pretty reasonable for Chuuya to demand the mafia retaliate. That IS how such orgs work.)

For this movie, I have to say, a double-black shipper would need glasses so heavily rose-tinted you can’t tell the difference between blood and water to see any kind of shipness here. Chuuya haaaaaaaaates Dazai. And Dazai seems to regard tormenting Chuuya as a kind of stress ball.

Fyodor, meanwhile, is sending assassins after Aku and Atsushi with a timeline of ‘two weeks’, after which apparently the world will destabilize. (Because three people know about the Book; those two and him.) He says he’s fine being the ‘only one who knows the truth’. He then eyeballs the camera with basically a ‘come see part 2 when it comes out’.

Gods, I really hope if they DO a part 2 they get a godsdamned SFX budget.

The main takeaway that I feel is relevant here, is that the movie pretty much underlines that the Book’s reality-rewriting power is decidedly limited. Which I do hope will be relevant very soon in the manga.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd analysis

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runn0ft · 2 years

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oh those ARE fun questions! 28, 38, and 18 (I will let you pick which behind the scenes director's cut you wanna give)

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

Oh, how you flatter me with this one.

So, because Sad Old Men is Meyer reminiscing about the ups and downs in his relationship with Charlie, I knew I had to include the ride somehow. I think that many of the events of Meyer’s life after 1929 were a direct result of his marriage and subsequently ruining Anna’s life. I don’t even mean this in like “the woman foils my otp” fandom sense. I mean this in that Charlie was the only one who had the right idea in recognizing that men in their line of business could not have it all. They were not meant to be family men, and this was something I imagine he tried to impart to Meyer a lot before his wedding. Prior to this scene, Meyer remembers his wedding reception. How solemn Charlie was, the heated moment they share just before someone inevitably comes looking for the groom, and only a mere handful of months later the love of his life is almost ripped away from him. Meyer has to grapple with so many little agonies around the ride. Like, he literally said it was the worst day of his life. He can’t send out the dogs (yet), he can’t go to the hospital, and he can’t blow up his new marriage (although in fic canon he totally does because even fucked up love conquers all). I originally wrote this as Meyer playing care taker and unsuccessfully trying to split his time between tending to Charlie and his new home life but ultimately, I figured the most realistic way to portray the ride was after Charlie’s release and how Meyer pulls the strings to exact his revenge, how it actually warrants him getting his hands dirty, and how he deals with his guilt around it.

Meyer wanted his pound of flesh. The thought of retribution burrowed itself under his skin like a parasite leaving a new kind of hunger in its wake. One that wasn’t satiated until the men responsible were brought to him on their knees.

He made sure they were afraid in their final moments. Pissing themselves and crying out for their mothers.

When it was done, Charlie’s wounds were pink and freshly healed under Meyer’s lips. He felt Charlie’s jaw clench at the contact and he made to pull away, but Meyer kept him still. He squeezed Charlie's shoulder with one hand, fingers dipping beneath the collar of his shirt, the other spread open against the good side of his face. Meyer didn’t say he was sorry—for Anna, for not coming to him when he wanted, so instead he pressed his mouth fervently to Charlie’s marred eye and cheek. It wasn’t until Charlie inclined his head to kiss him that Meyer understood there was never anything to forgive.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Honestly, I think it’s Charlie. I love rolling his voice around in my head and trying to translate it effectively into writing. He’s also just, such a presence. He’s truly larger than life and he knows it.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

God, where do I start. A couple of things.

First, a fic author I really admire once admitted to writing their magnum opus on their phone, so I was like, huh, okay I’m going to give that a go and then I just. Never stopped. I write all my fic on my phone. Not on a laptop. Not in Word. It all lives on my phone, a fact that absolutely horrifies my friends, but honestly it’s great because if I do have that single brilliant half-lucid sentence that comes to me at 4am, I can literally open the doc, plug it in, and roll over and go back to sleep.

Second, it has to be guaranteed that I will be completely alone for an extended amount of time in order to write. I’m not talking for like, an afternoon (although I have had to force myself to do this out of necessity), I mean days. Ideally a week. I need the worms to completely consume me so I can be totally and unabashedly insane and ride the wave. This is very unfortunate and inconvenient when it comes to any kind of productivity, but now I understand why writers go on retreats.

Weird Questions for Writers

#weird writer asks #sorry i really went off here but you chose such great questions i couldn't help myself #mine #boardwalk empire fic #soulmates in crime #meyer lansky #charlie luciano #boardwalk empire

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thxcitylights · 2 years

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I’m not in the mood to write out some beautiful words tracing the curves and sharp edges of my ugly feelings. I don’t want to write out the beginning middle and end, because the entirety of us and its length is a blurry uncertainty right now. I don’t believe in sequels, nor trilogies, I don’t think things just fall into place after the first or second ending.

And im just so angry.

I don’t want to write because I don’t want to think about how it felt to have you gone and reappear all within the matter of a month. and you revisit the stage and reintroduce yourself into my life with a phone call that held all of the answers I’ve been searching for since Easter. I’ve been analyzing the scattered pieces of our memory, brushing them off, and treating my interpretations of these half burnt pages as factual answers to our demise. The answers I’ve been pleading for from the universe for the last month. And it turns out the inked answers you so willingly spilled on my lap stained worse than just simply writing you off as a horrible person who didn’t want me. but running my fingers over the rips in my conclusions that were deducted from the artifacts of my past, i knew in my heart they weren’t the case with us. and they weren’t. It was much more complicated and adult than that.

Because you did think about us together, you’ve already played out this relationship, this fantasy of us over and over for 9 months in your head. You assigned us roles and wrote out the dialogue and adapted it to screenplay to capture the beauty of what was us. And it was golden, vivid, and peace, and the simple answer to both of our individual anguishes. until you ended it 20 minutes in with rolling credits and a song that sang of hopeless regret, which in your mind, was the inevitable. But in reality, we never even went on a real date. We knew each other once in person 4 seasons ago and we kept up this fantasy of each other without speaking for 3 months in between that.

And you tell me to be realistic, “long-distance never works”, but I think I am being realistic because I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. You can’t call something a lost cause without even allowing yourself a chance to become passionate for it and diving deeper into its being. nor is there even a relationship in the question at this time, that’s not even on my table of negotiables. you are a total stranger that I’ve barely known since the heat of august. But here we are.. sitting in the grieving process like we know any sort of ending when there was no actual beginning. We sit here not acknowledging the other as we both sulk in our melted potential. And I know you’re protecting yourself from your most vulnerable parts and you don’t want to relive your harshest breakup, but we’re not even at the point to be considering that. So no, i am not the one being naïve and living in a fantasy world, I am not the stupid little girl pleading for you. You are living in a movie and I’m not even playing the part you assigned me because you don’t even know my character well enough to write her into your picture. You don’t know her art, her family dynamic, what she does for herself outside of loving you. You don’t know me. Because I’m living outside of your premeditated tragedy script. im here, 30 minutes away from your doorstep. So please, anytime now, join me in reality.

I guess maybe I was in the mood to write about it.

#spilled ink #spilled words #sad quotes #breakup quotes #spilled thoughts #words n quotes #writerscreed #written in pen #words #spilled poetry #poetry #blossomfully #life decisions #life quotes #self love quotes #self love #writing community #writing blog #spilled writing

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weightless-reveries · 14 days

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So today, marks 4 days since I've left my partner of 5 years... I really miss him, but yet I feel so much relief. I'm also scared. Things are so fresh. My mind and heart vunerable. Nothing out of the ordinary, given the circumstances..

I'm sitting at the local Starbucks, watching my best friend work after leaving work myself. They just took their last break of the night and chose to spend it with me. Hands on my thighs, and prolonged staring. It's breaking the public barrier now..

I should mention i am so fucking in love with this person. So in love I don't know whether to avoid eye contact or stare at them. I try to avoid staring, as I feel so creepy, even if the feelings are mutual.

The other day they said to me, in the dimly lit back booth of a local bar, that they don't wanna put labels on what we have. We are best friends, after all. Best friends that hold eachothers hands, touch eachother, kiss... fuck

We are best friends that are in love...

I turned down a movie with my ex, that I miss so much. I turned down a dinner date with my boss whom i love and enjoy their company, just to sit in this starbucks, and hope for little looks that make my heart flutter. Its more than enough for my yearning soul that craves their love and attention. This is all I wanted today. And I got it. Even though I felt a bit off. My demons were strong today.

The trip here was lovely, the sky was gorgeous. It was a little chilly, but nice enough to enjoy the cold outside. I'm happy to have this time and just... allow myself to think. Normally, I wouldnt have this time. I'd be bombarded with 10+ things to do, half of which I wouldn't actually want to participate in and realistically nothing remotely romantic would happen for weeks, months.. at this point, it was all routine.

I loved my partner. I still love this person.

But after so many years and so much begging, I didn't feel anything anymore. At least toward them. I felt warm and taken care of. But I didn't feel like myself.

My best friend and I, our eyes are tethered to eachother. In any crowded room, our eyes will find eachother. Our hands intertwine, and they say that's as far as it goes. I want to believe them. Until they intertwine themselves under the sheets with me. I wonder, if truly, they understand the magnitude of our love... or if I'm just another body to them? Another story to write about (which, I'm sure I am in some respects) but I feel that they wouldn't want me talking about us like that.

They told me I'm their priority and they don't want anyone else. Even if we aren't together or totally commited.

I'll be honest, that truly made me want to get under my ex, even if it was for a last time...

I'm just afraid of what that might do to him and myself.. and my best friend. If they are in love with me I think that would, in fact, hurt them. But they are the ones that doesn't want labels despite feeling what we feel.

This is so lovingly confusing of a time.

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44gamez · 4 months

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6 Realistic Gaming Predictions for 2024

Predictions made from a whole business are virtually at all times fallacious and are a waste of time — however they’re very enjoyable should you don’t take them too significantly. That’s what that is. A enjoyable, consequence-free prognostication that, like Babe Ruth pointing on the stands from the batter’s field, can be full of daring and really particular called-shots, most of which gained’t come to cross.

2024: Life like Gaming Predictions

However you by no means know, particularly since I’ll be making gaming predictions that aren’t so fanciful; predictions that don’t really feel too far out of the realm of risk; and predictions that possibly actually have a sense of inevitability. There’s simply one thing very 2024 about predictions like… The Nintendo Change successor makes its debut

Picture: Nintendo The Nintendo Change will flip seven years previous this coming March. It’s already felt like an ageing console for not less than a number of of these years. Nintendo consoles are by no means technical powerhouses, however in an period when gaming tech feels prefer it has one other breakthrough each few months, the Change feels prefer it’s woefully behind the occasions. That each one modifications in 2024. That is the yr that Nintendo, as they typically do, decides to be the primary of the foremost console producers to announce all-new {hardware}, a successor to the Nintendo Change. A successor that places portability first however with a beefier set of chips and doodads that carry the Change 2 (or no matter they find yourself calling it) on par with hand-held PCs just like the Steam Deck and the ROG Ally, simply two of the hand-held consoles that discovered success within the current moveable gaming gold rush. The Change was a novel idea when it got here out. It’ll be fascinating to see how Nintendo reacts to a market that has imitated and iterated on its concepts. A a lot quieter yr for large sport releases

Picture: Bethesda Video games Studio 2023 was an onslaught of large sport releases. Some all of us assumed could be hits on some degree (Tears of the Kingdom) and others that took the gaming world without warning (Baldur’s Gate 3). Trying forward at 2024’s slate of video games, there aren’t as many big-name titles that may for positive dominate the cultural dialog, not less than not that I can see from again right here in 2023. That’s to not say the schedule is devoid of attention-grabbing video games. Each month has one thing for everybody, and 2024 feels just like the yr Silksong may lastly drop. However, utilizing the 2023 Recreation Awards nominees as an imperfect indicator of launch schedule power, 2024 doesn’t really feel like a yr when each sport nominated for Recreation of the Yr might have been the undisputed GOTY in every other yr. 2024 may have its huge releases. It’ll have surprises that take the gaming world by storm. However, I predict, most likely incorrectly, that 2024 can be a whole calendar yr that allows you to catch your breath somewhat, and possibly even present simply sufficient room to clear that 2023 backlog. Extra video games which might be each sport

Picture: Roblox Company Roblox created a mannequin that different main builders and publishers will certainly comply with. One of many largest already is. Epic Video games took observe of how Roblox constructed its wild success off the thought of being a hub for different video games…after which simply determined to do this. Why launch a complete sport with all of the advertising and marketing fanfare that comes with it when you may launch a smaller, less complicated, extra polished model of an concept as only one small half of a bigger suite of video games? You may play Fortnite in Fortnite, however now you may as well play a racing sport in Fortnite. And a Rockband-style rhythm sport. And a Minecraft-inspired survival sport. Fortnite isn’t only one sport anymore — it’s each sport, similar to how Roblox isn’t one sport, it’s a hub for each sort of sport. Simply because the reside service sport grew to become a pattern that each main writer needed to get their arms on, the Hub-style sport will really seize the business in 2024. Simply consider it: in 2024, we might see Activision toss a Tony Hawk’s Professional Skater-inspired mode into Name of Obligation. We might see Ubisoft use the Murderer’s Creed traversal mechanics to make a parkour racing sport or a online game model of these skilled tag clips you see floating across the web. Prepare to listen to the phrase “hub” far more than you ever thought attainable. Netflix will safe the publishing rights to a serious sport

Picture: PC Invasion Netflix’s foothold within the gaming business has been steadily rising yr by yr. Simply a few weeks earlier than this text was revealed, Netflix made it attainable to play the remasters of all three PlayStation 2-era Grand Theft Auto video games in your telephone as a part of your Netflix subscription. This was after a yr of snatching up a sequence of high-profile indie darlings to beef up their gaming choices, an inventory that now contains Immortality, Into the Breach, Loss of life’s Door, Lifeless Cells, Earlier than Your Eyes, Kentucky Route Zero, Oxenfree, Oxenfree 2, and several other others. Netflix took Microsoft’s threats of turning into the “Netflix of gaming” fairly significantly and mentioned, “No, truly, Netflix could be the Netflix of gaming.” This not solely gained’t cease in 2024 however I wouldn’t be stunned if a big-name sport from a big-name developer is introduced as a Netflix unique. The fabled Bloodborne remake will solely be playable in the identical app you utilize to look at Seinfeld. Perhaps you’ll unwind after a irritating Silksong boss combat with a few Nice British Baking Present episodes. Netflix desires to be taken significantly as a gaming outlet, so it’s solely a matter of time earlier than it pulls the set off on an enormous transfer that establishes its place within the higher echelons of gaming locations. The acquisition wars will rage on

Picture: Microsoft I’m not going to say to know a factor about company economics. If rates of interest drop in 2024, and inflation subsides consequently (if that’s even the way it works), will sport builders/studios be much less keen to promote themselves to large companies, a la Microsoft’s takeover of Activision/Blizzard? Uh, possibly? I don’t know. All that stuff’s approach over my head. However one factor that gained’t be subsiding anytime quickly is Microsoft and Sony’s jockeying for place in no matter the way forward for gaming finally ends up wanting like. PlayStation is making an attempt to promote {hardware} whereas Xbox is making an attempt to promote a service in Recreation Cross. Each want glitzy unique video games to promote their wares to potential consumers. For those who thought it was nuts that Sony now owns Bungie which was once owned by Microsoft, and that Microsoft now owns the Warcraft and Name of Obligation individuals, then begin mentally getting ready your self for different main acquisition information in 2024. Each firms are waiting for the following console era, nevertheless that takes form, and are angling to be the corporate with one of the best video games that may solely be discovered on a PlayStation console or a platform with Recreation Cross on it. Extra and Greater video games from Roblox creators

Picture: Zeekerss I’ve already talked somewhat about Roblox’s potential affect on the way forward for the business, however there’s one other approach the gaming hub will change the business in 2024 and past. Let’s use Deadly Firm for instance. The scary co-op sport took everybody without warning when it grew to become a late-2023 hit. Individuals have been impressed that this enjoyable and wildly standard little sport that got here out of nowhere was made by only one particular person, an indie developer who calls themselves Zeekerss. Properly, should you had been part of the Roblox scene for the previous decade, you wouldn’t have been too stunned by Zeekerss success, as they'd been creating video games for Roblox (and itch.io) for practically a decade earlier than the large success of Deadly Firm. Roblox, for as a lot because it exploits the onerous work of its person base, stays a spot the place blossoming sport builders get of their fabled 10,000 hours of unseen expertise earlier than they’re able to hit it huge. It’s a coaching floor, and the fruits of its tutelage are solely simply beginning to blossom. I believe 2024 would be the yr when the kids of Roblox will escape throughout each style and platform within the gaming world. Source link Read the full article

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