#same for Grayson

[panakina]

I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.

#tim and damian started with black capes that are only yellow on the outside #and they’re still very good obvious they’re all bats #but its not quite the same #jason todd #dc #red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #batfam #batman #bruce wayne

[violent138]

League members discussing meeting Robin at work:

"Compared to Bats, Robin was a total sweetheart. Ball of sunshine."

"Man, must've been a good day then, the kid I met was a real anklebiter. He pulled out a sword and everything."

"Anklebiter is harsh, the sweet boy I met barely said a word, he just kept asking about Themyscira and the lasso."

"He? I met a blonde girl."

"No, no, black haired boy with blue eyes. We're talking about Robin."

"Yeah same here, blue eyed and tanned."

"Pretty sure he had green eyes. And talked fancy. And kind of scolded me for time travelling."

"The child I met was paler than the moon."

"I'm telling you I met a girl, and she was Robin."

"Well... either we're all wrong or we're all right."

So they arrive at the conclusion that Bats has a shape-shifter for a kid.

#Not particularly original #however still amusing #They conveniently forget how many years have passed between interactions #And also forget that people can have the same“hero” name #Batman #Batfamily #dc robin #like Red Hood (there was another red hood before that) #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #Jason todd #Damian Wayne #Tim Drake #Stephanie brown #This came to me in a fever dream #jla #justice league

[arunneronthird]

in the batcave where i feel safe

#i love their old suits #and jason who looked the same 30 years #damian wayne #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #robin #red hood #nightwing #red robin #batman #dc comics #weezer #cant believe i get to use that tag #my art #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

[gildedlead]

Duke: …So, is Two-Face like, B’s ex or something?

Steph: I think it’s more of a situationship? They still seem to have some feelings going on there.

Jason: Yeah right, and get accused of cheating on Selina? I think not. They’ve been dating for as long as I can remember.

Dick: That’s…strange, cause I’m pretty sure he and Clark are married. Big Blue gave him a ring and everything.

Damian: A Kryptonite ring. One that Father keeps in a lead lined safe with the rest of the alien’s bane. Besides, everyone knows Mother’s laid her claim to him already. Only a fool would interfere with such a union.

Cass: Talia and Bruce are about as divorced as two people can be.

Tim: No, you guys are all missing the point. If we want Bruce to have a partner, we need to pick the most profitable option for us. [ pulling up a PowerPoint ] Hear. Me. Out.

—-Later, At the Watchtower-—

Oliver: Bats, why are your kids inviting me over for dinner?

#bruce voice how many of them can I reasonably ground at the same time #chatterbox behavior #batfam #duke thomas #the signal #stephanie brown #spoiler dc #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #damian wayne #dc robin #cassandra cain #batgirl #tim drake #red robin #oliver queen #green arrow #bruce wayne #batman

[dragonpyre]

Young Dick to young Jason: hey, I can see you’re feeling down. Wanna steal the Batmobile?

Adult Dick to adult Jason (who nearly killed a dude): hey, I can see you’re feeling down. Wanna steal the Batmobile?

#these are both canon btw and take place in the same comic #blood brothers btw #the second time Dick lets Jason drive #he sort of immediately wrecks it but it was for a good cause #Jason todd #dick Grayson #dc #text post #batbros #batkids #batfam #batfamily

[l-just-want-to-see]

isn’t the fundamental tragedy of 18 year old Dick that he wants to be free but instead he is loved and of 18 year old Jason that he wants to be loved but instead he is free

#and neither are happy #dick and jason make me insane a little bit #they’re brothers but they aren’t they grew up together in the sense that they didn’t but they lived through the same thing a decade apart #dick grayson #jason todd #batfam #dc comics

[graysonsmullet]

dick: my itty bitty, teeny weeny tiny little baby brother

Jason: *is the size and shape of a brick shit house

#Jason will never not be dick’s baby brother #he will also be the same about Damian when he grows up #dick grayson #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #dc comics

[p1nkshield]

Jason found out that the easiest way to get the things he wants from Bruce and Dick is to be the slightest bit cute. Chaos follows.

Bruce: Tell me again why you let Jason drive the Batmobile behind my back?

Dick: [mumbles]

Bruce: hn?

Dick: He called me big brother okay! He said please! He pulled the little wing card! I caved Bruce! I caved under the pressure!

Bruce: You can look Darkseid in the eye and crack jokes but the moment Jason says please you crack under pressure?

Dick: like you wouldn’t crumble into dust if he said “Hey Dad can I have a rocket launcher please?”

Bruce, thinking about it: … yeah I would fold like laundry.

Dick: Exactly!

#dick grayson #jason todd #bruce wayne #incorrect batfamily quotes #wally shows dick a picture of Jason when he was young and him now #corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures #dick: they’re the same picture #wally: No-

[sepia-stained-sunset]

Dick: Hey, Jas- why the hell are you wearing a bucket hat indoors?

Jason, who wanted to copy his big brother's mullet but accidentally lopped too much hair off: Hey, bucket hats are cool, okay?!

Dick: Alright...?

*4 Years Later*

Jason: 'Sup, Ti- why are you wearing a hat indoors?

Tim, who thought Jason's white stripe was cool and tried to imitate it but accidentally bleached way too much hair: Hats are really cool, Jason

Jason: *realises* oh. Oh my god...

*2 Years Later*

Tim: Hey, brat, did you- uh, why are you wearing a hat at dinner?

Damian, who secretly thinks Tim's eyebrow notch is cool and tried to copy it but accidentally shaved off half an eyebrow: Because hats are cool, idiot

Tim: *softly* oh. I get it now...

#bonus points if it's the same hat #tim drake #jason todd #batfam shenanigans #damian wayne #dick grayson #batsiblings #batboys #bat brothers

[inspisart]

dick took the news that a strange thirteen year old broke into his apartment while he was away at the circus pretty well, I gotta say

#this is not how the interaction played out in the issue btw lol I'm just having a bit of fun #tim drake #dick grayson #batfam #dc #the new titans issue 65 #inspi art #I remember being baffled when i read ALPOD and tim broke into dick’s apartment like it was nothing to find out where he’d gone #like where did he learn that? reddit? #I chalked it up to comicbook goofiness and wolfman stretching suspension of disbelief a little to keep the plot moving #which is why it surprised me when they acknowledged it again #and by doing so cemented tim knowing how to pick locks and being used to breaking into apartments as a canon fact(TM) #and so hence forth he would continued to be a little contradictory weirdo who’s both normal and incredibly not normal at the same time

[catmanbowser]

AGH DICKS

#dick grayson #nightwing #dc #catman's art #look at him what a bug #he’s such a bug to me #like a bug #i was gonna caption it as ‘two guys one dick’ but nevermind.. #as in its the same dick guy #i hope dc never change his name #def not referenced from a jerma picture no sir

[celaenaeiln]

Jason: *barging into the cave* What the hell are you doing?! The little brat said Dick’s been kidnapped, so why are you just sitting here?!

Tim: *taking a slow sip of coffee* he hasn’t been kidnapped.

Jason: What do you mean? Where is he then?

Tim: He’s hanging out with the Titans

Jason: *putting down his helmet and grabbing a cookie off Tim’s plate* Then why’d the toddler say he’s been kidnapped.

Tim: *glaring at him for stealing his precious cookie* He learned that if Dick couldn’t spend time with him he could just say that Dick’s been kidnapped so that the rest of us would crash the place to “rescue” him.

Jason: That’s…that’s actually pretty smart. I wonder where he learned that.

Tim: *side-eyeing a hunched and scowling Bruce over the rim of his coffee mug*

Jason:

#Bruce and co have crashed many titans gatherings before co learned the lesson #Tim won’t tell Jason but he does the same thing when he wants dick’s time to himself #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #bruce wayne #batman #batfam incorrect quotes

[rubydubydoo122]

Ghost Jason: Shit, Bruce is gonna kill himself. I gotta send him something to care about [spots stalker Tim] Bingo!

Tim: I gotta ask Dick to be Robin again

Ghost! Jason:… I was thinking you walk up to Bruce with puppy eyes, but close enough.

Dick: No.

Tim: I guess… if that didn’t work… I’ll have to be Robin

Ghost! Jason: that’s not what I meant, but there’s no way Bruce is gonna let you—

Bruce:… hrg [yes]

Ghost! Jason: NO BRUCE, YOU WERE SUPPOSED ADOPT HIM NOT MAKE HIM ROBIN!!! god, sometimes you gotta do things yourself [wakes up in coffin with only vengeance on his mind]

#jason todd #batman #batfam #dick grayson #red hood #tim drake #bruce wayne #dc comics #robin tim drake #cus if you do the math #Jason woke up in his grave around the same time as Tim knocked on Dicks door… so yeah

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

A Catfish??

All of the bat children are horrified when they found out the boy Damian has been talking online, someone they were expecting to be a 5’3 twig. Someone who Damian has been crushing on for years turned out to be a 6’3 muscle-bound fucker that makes Jason look small.

They are even more horrified when they realized they never gave Damian the internet talk and for some reason Bruce is not reacting like this is something of concern and what the fuck-?!

The reason Bruce is not freaking out like the rest of his kids is quite simple.

He can see the last of the baby fat clinging to Danny’s face, he notices how even though Danny is a walking tank of a being, he still glances at the doorways like they could not be trusted.

Like he wasn’t used to his height.

No Bruce is not concerned, because all signs and research just points to one fact.

Danny Fenton has came into a Fenton-sized growth spurt.

#now Bruce could clear up the confusion #but the kids did take the Batmobile out on a joyride a week ago #so this can just be a test on their reasoning under familial circumstances #like Bruce did not go out of his way to vet his youngest son’s first crush #dp x dc #writing prompt #danny fenton #danny phantom #dc x dp #jason todd #batman #shipping #dick grayson #tim drake #duke thomas #Cass knows of course #she’s not going to tell #same with babs #Danny a couple months before his visit: Doors suddenly hate me Dami :n; #Damian short king Wayne who likes to be picked up even if he never admits to it #damian: tragic. #the kids saw one photo of Dan and Danny and connected some dots that were never there #dead serious #writting prompt

[trashmakerarticle]

Batfam as cats

Tim: Tim vs Tim (he’s fighting his intrusive thoughts)

Dick: he found the photos that Bruce kept

Damian: he’s cute but will bite

Barbra: shh she’s working

Cass: she lurking

Steph: she says hi

Jason: he will hurt you if you interrupt his read time again

Duke: he did smth and you’ll never know what it is. It will be the mystery that will haunt you.

Bruce: I’m Batman

Part two

#bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #damian wayne #duke thomas #cassandra cain #Stephanie brown #barbra gordon #feel free to add more #Tim radiates orange cat for me #same with Damian being black cat #head empty no thought #that’s both tim & dami as well as orange & black cats #they have smooth brains

[batfamhyperfixation]

*At a Batfamily meeting*

Tim: As the only one in a committed relationship- Selina doesn't count after your whole wedding drama- I really feel-

Jason: what do you mean 'thE OnLY oNe', you aren't the only one

Tim: oh yeah, who else is in a serious committed relationship?

Jason: Me? I've literally been married for years?

Bruce: EXCUSE ME???

Dick: who to?

Jason: Roy

Dick: EXCUSE ME??? EWWW YOU AND ROY, GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD, MY FRIEND AND MY LITTLE BROTHER GROSSS

Jason: Wait, did none of you know? I literally call him my partner all the time

Tim: To be honest we thought you meant partner in crime, not marriage

Jason: I mean, both but still...

*Later, during the ✨vigilante hours✨ of the night*

Bruce: I hear you are married to my son

Roy, panicking cause Bruce is really protective of his kids: Oh, shit, um, yes- yes sir

Bruce: without my blessing

Roy: uh, yeah, we were on a time crunch, married couples can't testify against each other

Bruce: without inviting me to the wedding

Roy: I uh- you were gone that weekend, business trip

Bruce: I haVE A PRIVATE JET, I WOULD HAVE FLOWN IN! IT WAS MY SONS WEDDING, I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE BEEN THERE

Roy: I'm sorry, sir

Bruce: tell me one more thing

Bruce: was Ollie there?

Roy: No

Bruce: Does Ollie know

Roy: No

Bruce: your recompense is to allow me to be the one to tell him so I can brag to him that I knew first

Roy: uh, sure?

#bruce tells ollie #who has the same freakout and interrogation except against Jason #and both men force the two to have a vows renewal so they can all be there #but both men just use it as an excuse to one up each other #roy and jason are just like i mean free stuff #and tim is just sitting in the corner with bernard all angry cause he wanted to be the first wedding within the family #and he coulda been if he just shut his mouth and let Jason be happily married at the courthouse without a wedding involved #jayroy #jason todd #roy harper #red hood #red hood and the outlaws #jason todd and the outlaws #tim drake #dick grayson #bruce wayne #incorrect batfamily quotes #bat family #batfam #batkids #the outlaws #dc outlaws #the only person who knew was alfred #he was their witness and he was the first person Jason told #and lian obviously #and kory was there but she couldnt be a witness cause she is an alien