#saved money just to dump it on merch again

[swampstew]

Made poor financial decisions but doing it for my man🥲

#raven squawks #saved money just to dump it on merch again #hahahahahahahahahaha

[itsthemysterykids]

Pride Parade headcanons before this beloved month comes to an end?

Coraline

Bisexual Badass (She/Her)

Crazy irresponsible aunt of Pride

Always getting into trouble with the authorities

Makes sure to carry around a mask and gloves just in case she doesn’t want to leave any evidence behind

May or may not have been behind the prank where a ton of glue and glitter got dumped on protesters

Literal definition of ‘Be Bi, Do Crime!’

Tank Tops… That is all

… Also Crocs

Wears a bisexual cape

Out of everyone’s league

… Okay, she gone, Coraline simps over every pretty person she sees!

A tall girl dress as She-Ra walked by, followed a guy dressed as He-Man, and she got a nosebleed

She wants to give every Lesbian Goddess a gift, either jewelry or money

Hayley Kiyoko is her anthem

Learning how to Vogue. She’s a disaster

Cannot walk in heels to save her life

She, Neil, and Raz drink the most juice boxes

Likes to yell at TERFs

Definitely one of the loudest at Pride

Joins in on glitter fights whenever Mabel starts them

She threw glitter at Lili and saw her life flash before her eyes

Can and will bring a t-shirt cannon… And she can and will fire shirts at protesters on full blast

Next to Mabel, she eats the most sugar

One time, she had a major sugar rush and almost ended up joining a cult… Or starting one. She can’t remember

Chugs a ton of melted Icees

Wybie

Pan Trans Dude (He/Him)

Has been going to Pride with his grandma since he came out to her

May or May not be a Pride icon

Has enough binders to rotate through the week

Donates his old ones to those in need

This is the only time of the year where Wybie will refer to a person as ‘Hon’

Total mom of Pride

Like Mabel, if you ask, he will hug you

Carries a frying pan around for protection

Is terrified of losing Raz and Lili in a crowd. THEY’RE SO SHORT!

Brings those leash backpacks for kids just in case the others get into trouble

Supplies the snacks

Dyes his hair white and paints pink marks under his eyes to look like Allura because she’s a goddess and people refer to him as a goddex

Every time Wybie flips his hair, a trans girl gets a cupcake

Every time Wybie flips his hair, a trans boy also gets a cupcake

He unintentionally adopts people

Gets asked out nearly every year

People also like to give him gifts

Coraline, Mabel, and Neil ask him to be their wingman, but everyone’s too focused on him

Has the grace and poise of Billy Porter

Participates in glitters wars with the others

He didn’t win one year when Coraline threw glitter at Lili. No one was safe.

One year, some TERFs walked over just to yell at him. They walked away in love

Norman

Agender Gay Demiromantic Asexual (They/Them & He/Him)

Was roped into letting Mabel, Neil, and Raz do his makeup

Black lipstick every day

Also rainbow eyeshadow

Dipper may or may not have gotten a nosebleed

The ghost of Martha P Johnson goes with him to pride for protection

The first time Norman went to Pride, they cried. Everyone was so accepting!

Everyone immediately wanted to comfort him because seeing Norman cry should be illegal

Has to convince Stonewall Riot ghosts to not throw stuff at police

Long story short, one ghost threw a brick at a protester and now protesters fear Norman

They think he has ‘gay mind powers’. He’s not complaining

Has been carried by Drag Queens

Just to piss of protesters for the hell of it, they kissed Dipper… Then they did it again just for the hell of it

They get hugged every five minutes

Doesn’t know which cape to wear, so he rotates

Is a master at glitter wars. Seriously, this kid can dodge. Mabel gets frustrated every time

Hoodies and beanies no matter how hot it is

Raz: Norman! You’re sweating bullets!

Norman: Beauty is pain.

Raz: But-

Norman: BEAUTY IS PAIN!

Dressed as a witch one time (Made sure Aggie was okay with it first) and wore the rainbow flag as a cape

They cursed protesters with their ‘gay mind powers’

Neil

Omniromantic (He/Him)

He’s the Pride Dad, Wybie’s the Pride Mom

Wears Deadpool merch every year

Then he pretends to break the fourth wall

Likes to Cosplay with Mabel and Raz

They went as She-Ra, Bow, and Glimmer. Guess who was who

Rolls around in body glitter with Mabel before every parade

Wears a shirt that says ‘Free Hugs’

Sometimes unintentionally adopts people with Wybie

Likes to carry people on his shoulders

Rainbow lipstick. SLAYED

Teaching Coraline how to Vogue

Always the first one out in the Glitter Wars

Then Lili got hit and… It was a massacre

Eats a ton of marshmallows

Brings a ukulele and sings ‘Everyone is just a Little Gay’

Everyone will throw hands if Neil gets hurt

Some protesters tried to beat him up and they met the business end of a Drag Queen’s nine inch heel

Likes to do makeup

He once painted rainbows on kids’ faces

Supplies extra glitter while Mabel brings the main supply

Pacifist, but will not hesitate if the situation calls for it

Did drag one year. He was good, but not on Raz’s level

Norman’s wingman and it’s exhausting!

Why must his friend be a disaster?

Dipper

Bill Nye the Bi-ence Guy! (He/Him & Ze/Zir)

Likes to throw his old binders into the crowd

Gender envious of Wybie

Seriously, he’s a total goddex!

Only let’s Mabel do his makeup. It’s that sibling trust

Tank top and khaki shorts

Dipper doesn’t know it, but people find zir iconic

Different Pride caps every day

Mabel is zir wingwoman

When Norman kissed him in front of protesters, Mabel had to keep him from passing out later

When protestors attack, ze goes LGBT scientist on their butts, explaining the difference between gender and sex, what hormone blockers actually do, and how not every gay person has AIDS

Makes flower crowns with Lili. It’s relaxing

Comes out every year

Dipper: Okay… I am Bisexual.

Mabel: Dipper, we know. You come out to us every year.

Dipper: Oh… I do?

Stan: Yes! And we love you just the way you are!

Dipper: Well, thank you for being an ally!

Once asked Norman out during a parade. Now the two have a day named after them

One protester tried to hit Mabel and ze just saw red

He had a major sugar high one day and starting singing all the Pride songs he knew

Now people clap and cheer whenever he walks by

Mabel

PanRomantic (She/Her)

Calls everyone ‘My loves!’

Also a pride icon

Drag Queens LOVE her outfits

Beauty guru

She has a vlog Dipper helps her out with, and she promotes different products from LGBTQ+-owned companies

Will do everyone’s makeup

Seriously, her mascara is on point

Hugs pride kids who were forced to sneak out or were kicked out of their homes

Then she buys them ice cream

She likes to knit Pride-themed sweaters and then just pass them out to anyone who wants them

A drag queen wore one to one of her shows and Mabel got over 30K followers on her Instagram

Now people are throwing hundreds of dollars at her for just a beanie

Some say Mabel fired the first glitter ball, which started the Mystery Kids Glitter Wars

Wears Crystal Gem merch

She cosplayed as Pearl and warded off protesters with her spear

Same with her Rose Quartz sword

Dipper’s wingwoman before ze asked Norman out… And it was in no way easy

After Dipper and Norman finally got together, she and Neil celebrated with Rainbow Unicorn Frappuccinos

Out of respect for Mabel, the coffee shop gave her the recipe for Rainbow Unicorn Frappuccinos

Brings her Polaroid camera and scrapbook to document every moment

Raz

Genderfluid Bi-Guy (He/Him)

Good at makeup, but he’s not on Mabel’s level… No one is

But he is a pro at drag

He mainly does drag versions of BNHA characters. He slayed as Drag Deku

Is trying to teach Coraline how to walk in heels… It’s hopeless

He’s been working heels since he was eight. It’s all about balance

Has over thirty-five wigs

Likes to wear feathered boas

Dressed as Peter Pan one time and threw rainbow glitter at the protestors

Fanny packs

Somehow, he makes them look good

Backflipped away from protesters

Likes to belt Steven Universe songs and songs from The PROM Soundtrack

Buys all of the Pride merch he can get his hands on. It concerns Lili sometimes

Hid in a Drag Queen’s dress when Lili got involved in the glitter wars

Once stole fifty candy bars without getting caught

Is everyone’s impulse control… If they don’t do anything crazy, he will

Raz: Oh, the burden!

Coraline: Raz, no one told you to eat a ton of sprinkles

Joins Wybie and Dipper in throwing their binders to the crowd. He just throws them at random and goes, ‘Binders! Binders! Binders!’

Small but feral

Immediately starting singing ‘Turn it Off’ as soon as someone said “light switch”

Whenever a protestor says, “you’re going to hell!” He fires back with a “I’ll save you a seat!”

Lili

Nonbinary (They/Them & She/Her)

Sarcastic Pride shirts

Has a shrine of George Salazar

Will bite a TERF and has a shirt that says exactly that

Dyes their pigtails rainbow for every pride parade

Boots…

Also scrunchies

Draws stars on the cuffs of her jeans

She once took down a protester twice her size and now they all fear her

Norman/Lili: FEAR SQUAD!

Wears a “Queers for Isabela” shirt

Makes flower crowns with Dipper to pass around

Getting a flower crown from Lili is an honor

Acts as Raz’s impulse control by threatening him with a spray bottle of makeup remover

Whenever the Mystery Kids even think about throwing glitter she will hold up a fistful of it and have them crying like babies

Drag Queens and Kings love her. She’s sassy, has nice hair, and is a pro at eye shadow

Will buy binders for people with their own money

They also buy Raz ring-pops. (Sugar free, though)

Once set fire to a TERF’s hair after they tried to beat up Dipper

Supplies juice boxes

LOVES Rainbow Unicorn Frappuccinos

They had a sugar rush that lasted for hours

And the next day, the Mystery Kids were all laughing and no one will tell them why

Wears a denim with over a hundred Pride-themed buttons

Paints Pride flags on their boots

Stole a motorcycle from one of the Dykes on Bikes and went on a joyride

#coraline #mystery kids #paranorman #gravity falls #psychonauts #the mystery kids #ask stuff #answered ask #pride month #pride headcanon #bisexual #Pansexual #asexual #Aromantic #nonbinary #transgender #gay

[nyxbearkitty]

"You can't take Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts away from us!" We're not asking you to throw out things you've already bought, we're asking you to stop lining that racist, antisemitic transphobe's pockets, because she's using the money to make it easier to legally chokehold trans people in the UK.

"I post fan content but that doesn't mean I support her!" She's not dead, she's still getting money from this, you can't separate her from her work. She puts her -isms and -phobias in her work anyways. Inevitably you will end up encouraging someone to consume/give her money, because fandom content gets people interested in a franchise, and some are going to buy even if you tell them to consume "responsibly". Join a private discord if you're so desperate, but public fan works will make it worse.

"I'm one person, a few dollars isn't gonna do anything." If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. That's not a personal attack or a judge of your character, I'm not calling you a bad person, I'm saying it's a harmful decision (because good people do sometimes make bad decisions, surprise surprise). And you wouldn't be the only one, don't act like you are.

"But it's my hyperfixation and/or special interest!" I get that, I've had to cut those out in the past as well. It hurts, but it's not as bad as you think it's going to be. It's easier to dump one hyperfixation/SpIn when you get introduced to another, and people are posting recommendations for similar works and active fandoms to help replace them. If you turn your nose up at every offer, you might miss something you would've really enjoyed and become attached to.

"But this is my comfort series and it saved my life!" I can empathize with this as well. I'm not gonna call you a bad person for getting nostalgic or for using something that's already in your home to cope with your life. Again, we're just asking you to not give her money, or make it easier to give her money.

We're literally just asking you to not be a strikebreaker, we're not breaking into your house, stealing your merch, and wiping your computer. I don't have a problem with your entire being, I have a problem with strikebreaking.

#I'm blocking blockheads should they pop up #jkr is an asshole #anti jkr #jkr discourse

[obeymeluv]

You Steal the Boys’ Clothes

Something I’ve been thinking of for a while.

Lucifer

It was rare the eldest was without his cape, as everything seemed to be a formal event and he must be dressed to impress. Being dressed to impress, however, means being clean so he gets it cleaned from time to time

Lucifer is a very organized, practical man. Constantly towing the line of obsessive for the sake of orderliness.

He knows where his cape should be, and that it’s not there

With a demon’s-only screech that warns Mammon to stretch his calves and run, Lucifer hunts down the three most likely suspects to interrogate them (Mammon, Satan, and Belphegor).

He tries to get a two-for-one by dragging Mammon into the study where Satan sits smugly with a book (because he knows he didn’t do it but MAN is he enjoying this!)

Imagine surprising not one, but THREE demons when you come shuffling down the hall with a Lucifer’s cape wrapped around you like a blanket.

It whispers and it drags and it absolutely DROWNS you.

Very charming. Ethereal, almost like some sort of wedding wear

Lucifer would’ve never imagined you’d be the culprit, and now his poor brain is trying to save and process the idea of you looking so sleepy-happy in his clothes

And the ex-angel falls all over again.

He catches the little cheek nuzzle and way you bunch it around your body, a foot poking out not to get tangled

Satan and Mammon will probably die laughing instead of at his hands, but Lucifer could really care less

Lucifer idly wonders where you’d curled up that he totally missed you, and escorts you gently but red-faced to your room

Satan and Mammon tag along, and when they see Lucifer come out with his cape they can only deduce he put you to bed.

Mammon

With no homework to do and some money in the bank, Mammon was ready to spend the weekend tearing up the town with you!

He was fresh out of the shower and mostly dressed, searching feverishly for his beloved white and brown jacket

Mammon wasn’t the cleanest person by nature (hello, money hoarder and collector of interesting/valuable things) so he tidied up as he went

As he started to suspect one of his little brothers was holding the jacket for ransom, he sent out a group text asking about it

There were several typical smart-ass responses (Lucifer, Asmo, and Satan) and he was in the middle of a snark fight when you showed up at his door somewhere between bashful and chill

In HIS jacket

Mammon’s brain shuts down.

HIS baby in HIS jacket? HELL YEAH! OH GOD, IT’S TOO PERFECT!

FIEND, TAKING HIS HEART!

“It’s kind of a human thing,” you explain. “There is a one-jacket fee among couples. Usually it’s a hoodie.” you tease, reluctant to shrug it off, “But this seems to be your only jacket so I guess I could give it back.”

It’s very subtle, but he’s worn that jacket for centuries and no amount of detergent can disguise the scent that makes his heart skip a beat

Something about the smell of your skin and a hint of his has him purring

You hold the jacket out to him. Mammon wraps his fingers around it and swings it around until he’s holding it over one shoulder

The yellow takes over in his eyes a little more. Gets a little brighter and intense.

“You want to take anything else off?” he husks playfully

Your day out turns into staying in and Mammon is happy to trade his jacket for a shirt you can sleep in (like, forever. It’s fine. Whatever, dummy.)

Leviathan

It was actually really hard to steal Levi’s clothes because he lived in his hoodie and turtleneck. His RAD uniform was really just for show and that wasn’t what you were looking for, anyways. You didn’t want to chill in uniform.

He was very particular about his merch because certain shirts were collector’s items and he didn’t like people messing with his folding patterns

You went to Asmo with your dilemma and he found it absolutely ADORABLE. It was almost enough to make him jealous, really

Somehow (Asmo being Asmo?), the fifth- born was able to swipe one of the green button-ups Levi wore under his RAD uniform

His first thought was to alter the garment to make it fit you (matching outfits? YES!) but Levi would probably kill him. His big bro hated shopping for clothes unless he HAD to have them.

Asmo gets the bright idea to magically/temporarily alter the fabric to fit you. Maybe Levi will like it so much he’ll just give you a shirt! 💖 (Or get some fucking outside time and go buy more shirts!)

Levi catches his own scent somewhere outside of the door and his brain goes off. He hits the pause button at lightning speed.

No one else smells like him! They haven’t shared bath products in centuries! He already finished his laundry so what’s happening?!

His first thought is: Mammon broke into my room while I was in the bathroom and stole something to pawn!

Levi doesn’t even think to take inventory of his stuff, barging out of his room to hunt down his big brother

He’s yelling and whining before he even sees him. Then he sees you. In his shirt.

All the angry words die in his throat as the absolute mortification and adoration sets his face on fire

SO KAWAII! It basically makes up for your normie-ness.

Levi’s stuck standing there, blushing his head off and unable to say anything as his fists shake with joy and nervousness

He gets a nosebleed. One of his brothers are laughing at him.

You guide him back to his room to take care of him, Levi lets you and becomes very fascinated with the idea of you in his clothes .Lots of petting and figuring out you look DOUBLY MEGA CUTE when the magic wears off and you’re just in a pool of fabric.

He’s totally down for matching clothes and definitely lets you keep the one you’re wearing.

Satan

His wardrobe is very...interesting...to say the least

Colors and personal combinations aside, Satan actually has a very smart wardrobe. Lots of basics and easy layers.

You can’t steal his signature green sweater or the blazer he seems to live in, so you settle for an emerald knit sweater that has a bit of a v-neck/university feel to it

It takes Satan a while to notice, as he’s buried in a book. You two tend to gravitate towards each other and just enjoy a cozy, companionable silence

He’s just finished a book and is debating cracking open one from the stack to his left when the color catches his eye

The smooth, sly comment dies on his lips when he realizes he likes the damn thing because IT’S HIS

You look very cozy and warm. It’s a very ‘cuddle me’ kind of look.

Perhaps you could warm his lap? Or give his poor hands a rest under the hem?

Very cheeky and clever. Grabs you by the sleeve of it just to ‘answer his curiosity about whether it matched his nails’.

Does he have a cute university student kink? If he didn’t, he does now?

There’s a 50-50 chance of you guys having sex.

Will definitely want to hold you and cuddle you close, petting the fabric and whispering compliments into it.

If you don’t already have a business/academic attire, Satan will definitely suggest a few pieces because YES. This is a thing he loves and it DOES things to him.

Asmodeus

He’s the type to let you think you stole something

Probably stages what he wants you to steal just so you take it

Honestly, I could just see him dumping some of his clothes on you because you’re dating now and this is a cute thing he read about!

It’s super likely he’s into couple outfits or coordinating outfits, so he’s either spent time in his closet pre-planning or asked you to try on a million things just because

This cutie pie purposely orders THE BIGGEST thing he can find so you can both fit in it at the same time

Asmo loves you to pieces no matter what, but seeing you in his clothes makes him squeal and hit a note Mammon has threatened to murder him over

Ever dramatic, this is like, THE BEST THING EVER

A MILLION Devilgram posts about it (safe ones, of course)

Do you guys spark a couple’s trend and spade of lover’s stealing each other’s clothes to snap a victory pic? Maybe

Probably fake faints at the sheer glory of you in HIS bomb ass clothes. Definitely fans himself

Spoils you rotten with compliments

This man is weak. “Gorgeous! Smother me.” as he falls back on the bed and gestures to his face

He won’t turn down the idea of sexy times (depends on your libido, comfort, etc.) but sometimes he makes raunchy jokes just to be funny. Smothering could also mean using him like a body pillow (which he’s totally okay with).

You get max cuddles and WILL be the envy of Devilgram

Beelzebub

Beel felt a little guilty for leaving you at the House of Lamentation with his brothers

You guys were supposed to hang out after school but there was an emergency practice. The coach always got pre-game jitters and demanded a few last runs. He showered and ran back to the House, hoping you still had time for him.

He tiptoed quietly into his shared room, unsurprised to find you waiting there for him. You’d been caught in Belphie’s sleepy little aura by the looks of it,

Beelzebub couldn’t help the grin or little hum that made it past his lips. Your eyes were open but he didn’t know if you actually saw him. You looked super cute in his humongous bed though

You were getting sleepier and sleepier, your eyelids getting heavier and heavier. Beel pulled the sheets over you and gentle untangled the arm you managed to latch on to

Maybe waking up to a bit of food would make up for everything! Beel toiled away in the kitchen, making a cute little snack tray for the two of you.

In reality, it could probably feed at least twenty, and he ate at least half of what he prepped.

Beel returned to the room with what he considered a decent amount (scraps, kind of, but enough variety! He tried! It’s the thought that counts!) and was surprised to see his sheets all tangled and half-kicked from the bed

You were wearing his jacket now, passed out and turned into the furry lining that usually went across his shoulders and neck

DId you sleep walk? He was trying to understand how you’d gotten into his jacket

Beel realized it was the first time you’d been in his clothes and it was enough to make his heart melt

Super huge on you, obviously (extra fabric everywhere), but so cute! He could basically swaddle you in his jacket

“They’re a restless sleeper,” Belphie yawned. “I thought it would help them calm down.”

It used to work on Belphie, so Beel could see why he resorted to it

Beel offered his twin some food, sitting carefully on your other side.

He shifted some of the parka fur away from your face, trying to fix your hair and nudge your chin up so your nose wasn’t buried in anything. He stroked your cheek a little, mesmerized by the sight of you and how you felt.

Belphie declined, muttering something about, ‘Stop looking like that and eat your food! Gross!’ before Beel settled for patting your head one last time and eating quietly

Belphegor

He’s another one that’s hard to steal from

You’d think it’d be easy since he sleeps all the time, but Belphie really only wears 10% of the clothes he buys

Yes, he’s a pajama snob and has all things comfy and cozy, but hardly any of them smell like him because he falls asleep anywhere with little issue (no special clothes required!)

You thought about stealing his blue cardigan with the pocket, but he’s always sleeping in it!

Belphie picks up on your train of thought, and the frustration, because you fall asleep thinking about it. Dreaming about coyly stealing his cardigan and being all cute and snuggly in bed

It’s enough to wake him up, shuffle to you, and break your sleep. He flops down on your bed with his cardigan unbuttoned and says ‘climb on’ while patting his chest

You’re obviously sleepy and confused and he loves it. Belphie slides you onto his chest and wraps his arms around you, resting bits of the fabric on your back as you settle into him

It’s not the same but it’s close enough

Would you be offended if he got you cow pajamas so he could snuggle you like his favorite pillow? He falls asleep wondering about the answer

He wakes up to see that Beel has covered the two of you with his favorite blanket.

You in his blanket? Against him? Slowly smelling of him and his clothes? It’s the best thing to fall asleep to.

Makes a joke out of your clothes-stealing quest by stripping one of his pillowcases off and putting you in it like a little sack. You have to stay on his bed now because you’re his pillow and all pillows stay on the bed.

“What? You wanted to smell like me! It’s something I use!“ Belphie defends as you wonder whether or not you like this human pillow thing while he snuggles you.

#Obey me! #Obey me! x reader #Lucifer x reader #Mammon x reader #Leviathan x reader #levi x reader #Satan x Reader #Asmodeus x reader #asmo x reader #beel x reader #Beelzebub x reader #Belphegor x reader #Belphie x reader

[shinsousbedroom]

Plus Ultra! Go Beyond the Screen!

celebrity AU drabble series, 3K~, quirkless actor Midoriya Izuku gets interviewed

[Read on AO3.]

GO BEYOND!

A conversation with Japan’s rising star Midoriya Izuku on standing up on set and off as the next symbol for peace. A GQ Japan exclusive.

By Taneo Tokuda | Correspondent

[Image of Midoriya Izuku, leaning next to a window, his body arched off the wall. His head is tilted up and over towards the camera, the left side of his body illuminated from the light coming in, the right side fading into the shadows. He’s wearing a sheepish grin, tugging at the tie around his neck with a single hooked finger, jacket sliding off his shoulders. He’s wearing Best Jeanist’s exclusive non-denim line, and the monocolor layering of velvets in the lighting make his green hair, red shoes, and tie pop in rich color even more.]

I’d been warned that Midoriya Izuku has no regard for outdated formality. He’s far from callous or jaded — sweet and optimistic are two words often used to describe him — but propriety is something he has never been concerned with.

I’d been warned, but I didn’t understand.

Any journalist who’s worked the entertainment beat for a while knows there’s a cadence every interview follows. The details may change, but there are conventional practices that help an interview go smoothly for both the interviewer and subject, to make the most of a complicated relationship between celebrities and the media.

This interview starts behind the scenes, as most do, with the e-mail I send out to Midoriya’s manager, laying out a request to speak with his charge. The enthusiastic response comes just an hour later and references details from a number of stories I’d written across the entire span of my career.

It isn’t his manager’s response. It’s Midoriya’s.

That was my second warning to assume nothing, but I still stumble into Midoriya’s apartment expecting a clean, contemporary, moderately-sized apartment. It’s rare to host interviews in celebrity homes, and when it happens, it’s meant to be a statement — power, wealth, pride, affected sincerity.

Instead, Midoriya opens the door halfway and apologizes because he moved in recently and there’s still a stack of boxes blocking him from opening it any further. The door handle nearly catches between the buttons of my shirt as I squeeze through the crack. Once inside, I trip over his trademark red shoes and nearly take him down in the process.

He catches me in his arms and says with a wry grin, “Don’t worry, I am here!”

That, of course, is a classic reference to his latest role: All Might. All for One will be a Netflix reboot of the old '80s superhero film franchise that turned Toshinori Yagi into a household name. In a casting coup that stunned fans and industry insiders alike, Midoriya fell into the role shortly after making headlines for saving a life during a villain attack on the set of long-running soap opera The Quirked and the Quirkless. The villain had been looking for Toshinori, and in his absence, grabbed a crewmember hostage. Midoriya attacked the villain despite having no quirk.

Soon after, Toshinori reversed his longstanding refusal to produce an All Might reboot and gave the studio a green light — with a stipulation. Just as the franchise had brought him up from obscurity, so must the franchise fill its ranks with youths aiming to catch their big breaks. Enter: Midoriya Izuku.

Midoriya sets me back down gently — yes, he picked me up when I fell, even though I’m a full half meter taller than him — and I’m more inclined to see his suitability as Toshinori’s successor.

Physically, he still looks nothing like his mentor. Where Toshinori is buff, Midoriya is lean, tall to his short, loud to his soft. Toshinori held his strength in the brash, nigh-cocky attitude that got him into as much trouble as himself as it did in the show as All Might. Midoriya carries strength like woven spider silk; it’s graceful and dangerous, but all too easy to overlook for those unused to subtlety. But he carries the same bright aura of unwavering love and determination.

More to the point, I also felt his arms and abs in the fall, and he may not look like he has the muscles of All Might, but they are definitely there.

“You can take a seat anywhere in the living room if you’d like,” Midoriya says, ushering me down the hall with a light hand on my back. “Breakfast will be ready in just a few minutes, but I haven’t put together the kitchen table yet, so living room it is.”

“Breakfast? Did we decide on a working breakfast?” I replied.

“I couldn’t invite a guest into my home without offering snacks! Since this interview coincides with breakfast, I made breakfast.” He pushes me towards the sofa and wags a finger at me when I try to follow him to the kitchen anyway. “No guests allowed to hover or help in the kitchen. It’s too small!”

The rest of the apartment is half unpacked, and haphazardly at that. Boxes are open, dumped out into piles on the floor where they will likely be permanently placed. I perch on the arm of a ratty sofa by the only portion of the room that’s been set up. It’s a veritable shrine to pro heros, fictional and real alike. Two of the five shelves are devoted solely to All Might merchandise.

Midoriya appears behind me, as if by quirk. “Ah, do you collect hero memorabilia? I’ve been a big fan of All Might since I was little, and then I started following hero society in general when I got into middle school, so I’ve built up a lot over the years especially rare items like if you look at the back corner there’s a particularly cool figure of All Might from the emerald era which if you remember was received so poorly that most of the merch was shelved in one location and subsequently destroyed during a villain attack…” He goes on without end or pause, taking me through the history of each item on the third shelf. At minute six, he abruptly tenses mid-sentence. I can almost feel the heat from his red face as he starts stammering apologies for wasting my time and gingerly puts his collection away again.

“You've got a lot of stuff I haven’t seen. It’s interesting.” It makes me uncomfortable how much he clearly doesn’t believe me. “It’ll be good content, that you have such a long history being an All Might fan.” He shrugs my words aside, and gestures behind me to a giant spread he’d laid out on the coffee table before seeing my interest in his collection.

We sit. For a moment, the only sound in the apartment is the clatter of silverware, the muffled bustle of Tokyo’s streets at midmorning a soothing counterpoint. I’m considering how to break the lingering tension I caused. But then —

“I’m a quirkless soap opera actor who seemingly got the biggest role of the decade for doing something completely unrelated to acting. I’m optimistic, not an idiot.” There’s a taut line to his shoulders again, at odds with the quiet, delicate way he drinks his miso soup.

His eyes trail back to the curio shelf of hero merchandise. A heaviness builds between us in the seconds it takes him to think. “I grew up in a neighborhood hostile to me and my mother. I mumble my thoughts out loud and have an obsession for heroes that edges past societally acceptable as an adult. I have no quirk, she had no husband, we had no money. Any insult you could say about us, I’ve heard it.”

He looks me dead in the eyes and leans forward. I can’t help but mirror him. “It would be disrespectful to everyone who supported me to get here if I let the back talk get to me. I worked hard for this role, and I earn it with every new day of effort I put into it. All Might is the symbol for peace, and I intend to embody that legacy. No one will be able to doubt me when I’m done.”

Anyone who’s familiar with Midoriya’s reputation knows not to be surprised by his humility, but it’s a revelation to see this drive, his earnest focus pinning down my full attention. The last bit of the puzzle that was his casting choice is answered in one overwhelming look. If All for One does it right, his magnetism is going to Detroit Smash every heart in Japan.

“The waffles!” He springs up and mutters his way back to the kitchen, cutting past the moment. “I forgot the waffles, Kirishima gave me a waffle maker the shape of All Might’s crest as a housewarming gift, they’re so cute and surprisingly detailed…” In just a few seconds he plops the plate down amid the overfull table and settles back into his seat with a smile. “So? Should we get started?”

Interview has been edited for length and clarity. For the full article, visit us online. Catch the first season of All for One on Netflix, streaming xx xxx.

[Image of Midoriya Izuku sitting outdoors on some sidewalk steps in workout gear, leaning back on one arm, the other hand raised to cover his face from the sun. He’s wearing bright green short shorts and a very loose tank top, the arm holes cut out so deep that the angle lets the photographer capture the sheen of oil and sweat across his ribs and back as light filters through the shirt. One sock is pulled up taut, the other scrunched down, same classic red shoes still on his feet. His legs and arms and hands are haphazardly wrapped in carefully grimed bandages, as is his makeup, smudges of dirt across his cheeks along with make up to bruise his lips a deep, pouty red. Boxing gloves hang over his shoulders, and a bandana mimicking the famed mouth guard from All Might’s most iconic outfit hangs around his neck.]

TT: Congratulations on your first starring role! How does the move from semi-recurring character to protagonist feel?

MI: It’s a huge challenge, one I’m incredibly excited for! My character in Quirkless wasn’t supposed to be mine. I’d already been involved with the show as a quirkless consultant but one day on set, they’d had a huge scheduling conflict, and Director Ryuko remembered I’d originally auditioned for the show for a character that was ultimately cut. She brought me in as a literal last minute replacement, and soon enough a three-episode run expanded into a semi-regular spot next season. At least with All for One I’ve had tons of time to prepare.

TT: Take us through what it was like getting the role of All Might.

MI: I think the media explained the villain attack that brought me to the studio’s attention plenty. What's more important is when after I recovered, Toshinori-san contacted me and connected me to his talent agency, and my new manager was the one that successfully nabbed me an audition for the new show. They had us go through a few standard readings and chemistry checks, and then I got the part.

TT: You auditioned?

MI: I did! That’s what makes the rumors of favoritism even more frustrating. I promise I didn’t get the role because I stopped a villain attack on set! Well, I hope I didn’t.

[File photograph of Toshinori Yagi and Midoriya Izuku post-hostage situation. The stage is in disarray, black goop covering the furniture and floor of a fake hospital waiting room in a thick layer of sticky slime. They stand off-center in the foreground, Midoriya rubbing a fist over his eye, exhausted, possibly crying, as Toshinori pulls him into his side for a hug. Both have shock blankets draped across their shoulders. Emergency respondents case and clean the scene in the background.]

TT: How does it feel to take up the mantle of one of the most iconic comic book characters of all time?

MI: I’d be lying if I didn’t say nerve-wracking, but I’m more excited than anything. I’ve dreamed about this since I was 5, when the doctors first told me I’d never have a quirk and never be a licensed hero. All that love was redirected toward All Might. Some people might say being too big a fanboy will make playing him hard, but I’ve been preparing for this my entire life, and that’s what I’m trying to hold on to instead of anxiety. Toshinori-san has also been a spectacular mentor to me through this whole process.

TT: It's been said that Toshinori-san implemented a rigorous vetting process to work in any position on the crew. Recommendations, mentorship networks — because everyone is new to film.

MI: That’s only true to a certain extent. I wouldn’t say most of us are complete newcomers; we’ve all been around the industry for a fair number of years making our careers off it one way or another. We definitely wouldn’t have gotten hired to such prominent roles without Toshinori’s interference, yes. Because of his stipulation, the studio wanted to minimize as much of the havoc inexperience might cause such a beloved, big budget reboot by offering us close, mandatory support networks featuring industry professionals who’ve been working in their field for decades.

So far, the idea has really worked out well. We get to implement fun new ideas we don’t realize are impossible yet, and the mentors temper our more […] impractical ideas with logic and experience. The cast also has gotten a lot of support from the old cast of the '80s run!

TT: You’re known for being an advocate for quirkless rights in the entertainment industry. Has that impacted the way you approach your career and what opportunities you take?

MI: It isn’t just the entertainment industry I’m interested in for my advocacy work. Society’s rabid obsession with quirks is a problem across all of Japan, for both the quirkless and those with quirks. But as an actor, I happen to have personal insight with the roadblocks that prevent quirkless individuals from succeeding in film. We make up a fourth of the Japanese population, but less than 1% of the Japanese Film Union, in the mere century from when quirks first showed up across the globe. There’s no other explanation for such a miserly diversity rate than discrimination.

Studios have gotten so used to using quirks to sift through application stacks, looking for who can offer the most with just a quirk name and description. Toshinori-san has easily admitted that the electricity he emits when engaging his strength quirk was one of the reasons he won the role of All Might over better known actor Todoroki Enji. It was one less special effect the studio would have to spend money and time on. Viewing accommodation as a costly complication is historically dangerous to all types of minorities across the globe. How am I supposed to compete when people think I can’t offer anything unique compared to the host of wild quirks out there?

TT: Wow, that’s quite the speech.

MI: I’ve practiced a few times.

TT: Really?

MI: Quirk discrimination was my thesis topic at UA.

TT: You went to UA? That didn't show up in my research.

MI: Oh, I […] was in their support program for a while.

TT: Why did you decide to pursue acting instead? They don’t have a fine arts program, do they?

MI: As much as I love support work, it’s a stressful field. [Laughs] I started looking for an outlet that had nothing to do with hero work when an old friend dragged me onto a set. I’d completely forgotten how much I loved acting, and it wasn’t long before I decided to pursue that over support work, for however long it would have me.

TT: Would you ever consider returning to support work?

MI: Yes, but it gets harder the longer you’ve been away. I still keep up my qualifications, and keep up with my old classmates. Some consulting here and there. But for now, I’m happy using my background to help me act a better All Might.

[Photograph of Midoriya Izuku sitting in an office chair, facing three-quarters towards the camera even as he lays half across a desk. The decor is rich: old, dark wooden furniture, ornate work across the frame of the chair and desk, half-filled bookshelves in the background. His cheek rests against his arm stretched along the edge of the deck; one leg is tucked under the seat and the other is extended out. His outfit is artfully ripped name brand jeans and a tight shirt, color blocked in All Might’s classic red, white, and blue. Tiny figurines of All Might in his various costumes across all his comic book and screen appearances dot across his body as if they’ve climbed across his body, and Midoriya is an Atlas holding the weight of these ideals across his shoulders and arms and legs, a Gulliver tied down and overwhelmed. But his expression is vibrant, determined. Not quite a smile, but nowhere near defeated.]

TT: Does it bother you, having your quirklessness constantly be the focus of your career and identity?

MI: Of course! I’m a lot more than the superpower I don’t have. I’m a pretty private person, but I want to do great things. I want to inspire people, to make everyone feel safe and like they belong. If that means I have to feel some discomfort, it’s more than worth it. I’m a big kid with a therapist, so I’m prepared to balance my needs with those of my career.

TT: I’m not helping, am I?

MI: Like I said, I’ve deliberately opened myself up to that focus when I’ve put myself out there as someone willing to talk about these important issues publicly. You’re not asking anything I wouldn’t expect of any good interviewer.

TT: Speaking of privacy, your co-worker Todoroki Shouto is infamous for his taciturn personality and complete seclusion from the public eye, even during personal interviews. What is it like working with him on set?

MI: I have a bone to pick with you journalists about that! Remember what I was saying about how quirk reputations hurt those with strong quirks as much as those without? Todoroki Shouto is a wonderful person, and I’m so glad we get to work together. But boy, that reputation of his does him a disservice. He’s more than just Endeavor’s son and a powerful quirk. […] He’s his own man with a lot to say — it’s just no one’s asked him the right questions, yet. Once you do, you’ll find he shines brighter than any of the characters he’s played. It’s frustrating to see a good man overlooked again and again in favor of easier topics like a flashy quirk and flashy father.

TT: One last question. Isn’t it a hassle to squeeze past those boxes each day to use the front door?

MI: I don’t use the front door.

TT: Then…?

MI: Wouldn’t you like to know? ■

#bnha #my hero academia #bnha fanfic #midoriya izuku #taneo tokuda #quirkless midoriya izuku #celebrity AU #BUT THERE ARE STILL QUIRKS GIVE ME MORE CONTENT ABOUT QUICKS FUNCTIONING IN NORMAL SOCIETY AND THOSE IMPLICATIONS #lolo's fic writing tag

[sunsetinmyvein]

I Know That I’ll Lose - Chapter Six - Give it a Rest, I Could Persuade You

It had been about a month since she last saw Matty. He and the band had to fly out quite early the morning after the festival, so there wasn’t really a chance to catch up again once they parted ways at the bar. But that was okay, because he was considerably more talkative this time around than what he had been the last time. It wasn’t quite the same as getting to properly hang out, and she missed seeing the rest of the band as well, but it was still better than nothing and made the distance more tolerable. She found herself holding her phone in her hand, contemplating if she should call Matty or not. Their last proper phone call was a while ago now – roughly a week she thought – and she wanted to tell him about the dumb thing that happened today that she thought he’d appreciate. She knew that it wasn’t too late yet where he currently was, and the show that they had played earlier that evening should’ve finished by now. But she was always wary that he was a busy guy. As she deliberated on this, her phone started buzzing in her hand. For a second she thought maybe he really did have some form of crazy mindreading skills. But it wasn’t Matty, it was her brother.

“Hey! How’s things?” She asked as she answered the call. 

“I…” He sighed through the phone. “I got an email about you.” Her brother started saying, his tone sounding unsure.

 “What sort of email?” She asked with a frown, sitting up properly on the couch. This conversation was clearly important.

Before her brain had a chance to jump to the worst conclusion, he continued, “A job offer. For you. To tour internationally with a band doing merch.” He answered.

There were a few moments of silence on the line as she processed this information. “Shit, what?” She asked incredulously.

“Some guy called No Rome?” It was more of a question than a statement, he clearly didn’t know who that artist was. “Their label emailed me.” He continued, but she had sort of tuned out of what he was saying. She had heard that name before but couldn’t remember where… “They said that they had received high recommendations about you or something.”

“That’s so crazy, I don’t even-” The metaphorical lightbulb went off as she remembered that band name. “Wait...” That was the regular support act for The 1975. The gears started turning at this point. “Did they say who the recommendation came from?” She questioned.

“No. Why?”

“I’ll call you back.” She replied instantly, knowing more than likely who had caused this email to be sent.

  She hung up the phone before promptly starting another call. “Matty,” She began as soon as he picked up, skipping the pleasantries.

“Yes?” He asked, an innocent tone to his voice.

“What is this job offer thing that you’ve done?” She accused.

“What job offer thing?” He asked back.

“I know it was you.” She stated, not wanting to beat around the bush with something like this. This was a big deal if it was true.

“Did you get offered something interesting?” He continued. The amusement was starting to seep into his voice at this point.

“Just fucking tell me.” She said with a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose.

He hummed thoughtfully, waiting a moment before responding, “Maybe you should just accept the job and I can tell you next week in person.” Well, at least that confirmed that he knew about it.

“You really expect me to just drop everything I have here and come gallivant around on tour with you?” She questioned.

“Kind of.” He answered bluntly.

  Okay. So, it was a real job offer then. A real job offer that had probably been suggested by Matty, which did lower the legitimacy of it a little bit. But it was still a job offer that wanted to pay for her to travel internationally. That was still a lot of information to handle. The first question that floated to the top was definitely the elephant in the room, “Why on earth did you get them to ask me to do No Rome’s merch? You’re fucking on tour together. It’ll be 1975 merch for the majority.” She pointed out.

“No, you only have to do No Rome.” He replied.

“But that…” That didn’t make any sense whatsoever. “Why isn’t that just included in whoever does your merch?” She asked in confusion.

“I thought he deserved his own merch person.” He answered.

  “But they’re going to be sold from the same place? How am I meant to only serve people who want No Rome stuff?” This job offer was so far only raising more questions than solutions.

“Oh no, no, no. You don’t have to sell to anyone.” He laughed like it was entirely too obvious. “You just have to do the counts and setup.”

That made even less sense. Just the setup? That was like telling someone to drive to work, set their desk up, turn their computer on, log in and then just go home to let someone else do all the work on your account with all your settings and preferences. They wouldn’t know where anything was or what your methods were. There was no point in preparing everything if you weren’t the one dealing with it. “Matty… That’s not how working merch works.” She tried to explain.

“That’s how this job works.” He corrected. “You essentially do prep work.”

“And then what?” She asked.

“And then you can watch the shows and hang out.” He answered.

  Right. That’s what this was about. The job offer was clearly just a front so that he could socialise with her without her work getting in the way. “Are you just shitty that we didn’t get to hangout all day during the festival?” She asked with a chuckle.

“No.” He shot back instantly.

“Liar!” She retaliated loudly with a laugh.

“Fuckin’ take the job, love.” He sighed tiredly.

“And if I don’t want to?” She challenged.

She was just met with his loud laugh in response. “You want to.” The level of certainty in his voice, that cocky tone. Fuck. She hated to admit that simple things he did like that were enough to pull a reaction out of her. He was attractive when he was confident. At that moment, she was thankful that he couldn’t see her because he would no doubt make it much worse in person. But he was right - it was a crazy good opportunity. It added a ridiculously good reference to her resume, and she was going to get paid good money to hang out with her friends. She would be insane to say no. But she was also well aware that being in close capacity to Matthew Healy for so long was probably going to be difficult. She weighed up the pros and cons briefly in her head as she tried to come to a decision.

“Fine.” She agreed eventually. “Send me the details.”

  A contract was sent to her within a matter of minutes. It outlined that she was going to be on tour with them for a month and a half and would fly out late next week. A free holiday spent in good company? It was an offer too good to be true, really. And she was going to get paid to do it! Just over a week wasn’t much time to get everything sorted to be away from home for six weeks, but it would have to suffice. Before her flight departed, they had sent her the details of a taxi company that would take her to the lot that the tour buses were waiting in. They also sent through which bus number plate to meet them at with the code to get into it to dump her luggage. The only issue was, it was a huge lot. There were at least fifty odd tour buses in this place. It took a good deal of searching to work out which bus was the one that she was meant to go to, and lugging her suitcase through the lot was starting to get tiring. When she finally spotted the plate that she was after it was like the lagoon in the middle of a desert; she was worried that it might just be a mirage. But she started walking over to the No Rome tour bus, only to feel a hand land on her shoulder. She turned, half anticipating to see a security guard asking her why she’d been wandering around for the last half hour, only to see Matty standing behind her.

  “Oh, hey.” She smiled up at him, not having expected to see him so soon after getting here.

“I have some unfortunate news,” He said with a crestfallen expression as he began steering her away from the bus. She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “Rome’s tour bus is a fairly small bus, and was actually already fully booked by the time you were confirmed to come with us.” He admitted.

“Oh.” She said with a frown.

“So, you have to stay in the other bus.” He continued. She could see the stupid smile on his face that he was trying to hide.

“Oh.” She repeated with an eyeroll, suddenly realising where he was going with this. “And I suppose that everyone else on that bus has already picked out bunks?” She asked with a deep sigh.

“Yes.” He answered.

“And the only one that’s left free is conveniently right next to yours?” She questioned.

He let out an exaggerated gasp, “How could you possibly know such confidential information?”

“Call it a hunch.” She muttered under her breath.

  The tour bus that he led her to was indeed considerably bigger than the one she had been told to go to originally. He punched some code into the keypad next to the door before holding it open and ushering her inside. The bus was empty save for all the suitcases and bags strewn across it. It reminded her of a fancy caravan; everything was sleek, black and designed to save space. It seemed to have a few fancy add ons, namely the impressive coffee making setup in the kitchen, which Matty assured her George couldn’t leave home without. As she was taking in the space around her, he stepped behind and walked through the kitchen to the bunks in the middle of the bus. He called her over, snapping her back to reality as she walked across to where he was standing. They were a lot more spacious than she expected them to be. All of the bunks except for two had bags already tucked away in them, a few had the curtains pulled shut. She recognised Matty’s backpack sitting in the one on the bottom right hand side. She looked down at the bunk next to his with disdain. This was only going to end badly.

  “You don’t have to take that one.” He began. She looked back at him, urging him to continue with what the other option possibly was. “You’re welcome to be on top of me.” He offered. He tapped his fingers against the empty bunk above his as he said it, but the look in his eyes was definitely getting at a different angle.

“I’ll take this one.” She answered quickly, turning away from him and gesturing to the bottom bunk next to his.

“I assure you that I don’t mind.” He added with a suggestive smirk.

“I know you don’t. That’s the problem.” She huffed as she put her bag into the bunk.

“Or we could switch and I could be on top-”

“Stop.” She interrupted as she spun to glare at him. Had he always been standing that close behind her? It suddenly seemed far too close. “Stop talking.” He couldn’t help but grin at the flustered look on her face.

  He left her to her own devices after that, figuring that he would wait in the front lounge while she got her bearings. At this point in his career, he’d spent a good portion of his life in tour buses. But he remembered having to find his way around them at the start; all of the tiny compartments took a while to figure out. Also, he’d probably overwhelmed her enough considering that she had just stepped off of a plane all of two hours ago. It wasn’t long before the rest of the band and the small amount of crew that were on their bus started filing in. Introductions were exchanged, luggage was stowed under the vehicle, a few snacks to get them through until the next stop were stored, and then their convoy were on the way to show number one. He hadn’t lied when he mentioned that Rome had a smaller bus. His bus only slept six, whereas The 1975 had two buses of twelve. It did make more sense for her to stay on one of the bigger ones, he just made sure to have a say in which of the two bigger ones she was placed on. The bus that they were currently on mostly housed the performing crew, and the extended crew behind the scenes stayed on the second bus. Typically, the latter had considerably earlier start and finish times for their working day than the former did, so it made sense to split the two to avoid people running on next to no sleep. These three buses in combination with the few trucks that were used to cart their stage, lighting rigs and merch across the country for the whole tour resulted in a fairly impressive operation. It was pretty astounding for Y/N/N to think that she was a part of it.

  After the festival had ended, Matty had spent a good deal of time sending texts, writing emails and having meetings in an effort to try and coordinate what ended up being a considerably more extensive plan than what he had expected. Her comment about how she’d ‘never get anything done’ if he was her boss set the idea into motion that maybe if she had a role within Dirty Hit, he’d be able to see her more often. If he saw her more often, there was a pretty decent chance that he’d be able to get her to fess up to being into him. Because try as he might to just ‘let it go’ as George had suggested, he couldn’t drop it when he knew full well that she was. He hadn’t thought that arranging someone else to come on tour was really going to be that difficult, but apparently it was. It was less about money and more about the logistics of having another person to account into every single plan for a six-week schedule. However, now that she was actually here, all of his efforts felt worth it. Regardless of the bet with himself, regardless of the needier part of him wanting her around as an emotional crutch for when things got hard, it was just nice to have an extra friend around to bounce off of within the confines of the tour bus. It felt comforting to have another presence about to keep him grounded, George had probably done enough of that over the past few years to last him a lifetime. But being grounded and rational wasn’t the way to start off a tour. The way to start off a tour was with shots.

  “Tequila? Really?” Adam groaned as the shot glass was forced into his hand by the eager singer.

“What’s wrong with tequila, Hann?” Matty asked with a frown as he continued pouring and handing them out.

“Nothing is wrong with the tequila itself, but you drinking tequila is a different story.” He elaborated. “And we’re only on night one of forty-six. You really wanna set the bar so soon?” Ross gave a nod of agreement as Adam spoke, and it was clear that George was hesitant as well.

“Look lads, we have someone on this tour who has never experienced the thrills of touring with us before.” As he spoke, he happened to be pouring the shot of the exact person he was referring to and he smiled fondly at her as he passed it across. She found herself suddenly feeling like the fifth wheel as he threw her under the bus like that. “We need to put in at least a little bit of effort, yeah?” He spun back to the group; his own tequila shot in hand. “To a brilliant tour.” He grinned, holding his shot glass up in toast. The boys all shouted a few words of agreement as the five of them downed their shots. But the burn of that tequila was only the beginning. As Adam had predicted, what started as one shot quickly turned to two, which turned to more, which turned to drinking games, which turned to everyone drunkenly stumbling into bed at two in the morning after a solid eight hours of drinking. To the bus driver’s dismay at his suddenly rowdy passengers, the rest of the crew had also rapidly gotten involved and suffered much the same fate. Y/N/N had quickly discovered when their celebrations finally wrapped up that getting into a tiny bunk on the floor while inebriated wasn’t as easy as it would’ve seemed. But she was very grateful that her bunk was at least level with the ground, as opposed to George who promptly rolled out of his and crashed against the hard surface when he tried to reposition himself in his bed.

  A part of her understood why Matty had insisted on drinks on the first night. Once everyone was drunk, any awkwardness was quickly forgotten about. It was a lot easier to bond with people when you were too drunk to be self-conscious. Now that everyone on the bus had a friendship base to go off of, a funny story to reminisce over, there was no reason for anyone to be pushed to the wayside for the sake of cliques or not having anything to talk about. But as expected, Matty had to take it a step too far and was definitely the most hungover out of everyone the next morning. The tour bus had arrived at their first stop at about six that morning. Everyone else on the vehicle had been up at a fairly decent hour, the band a little bit later than the rest of the crew as they weren’t needed until later in the day. But not Matty. It was after ten by the time someone figured that they should do something about it.

“You should go check on him.” Ross urged, looking across the small kitchen table at Y/N/N.

“Why me?” She frowned.

“Because I’m sure he’d prefer to be woken up by you than us.” He explained, a small chuckle escaping despite his best attempts to hold in.

“The last time I had to wake him up for a show when he was hungover, I threw a glass of ice water on him.” George said. “But to be fair, the last time he woke me up, he did it with a fucking megaphone and I smacked my head into the bunk above mine…” He scowled at the memory, rubbing his forehead as he reminisced about the pain. “I’ll go get the ice cubes.” He offered as he motioned to stand up, suddenly motivated that only one glass of freezing cold water wasn’t enough payback for that event.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get him.” She sighed, motioning for George to sit back down.

“You’re too nice to him.” Adam said, shaking his head with a small smile.

“Yeah, probably.” She agreed with a laugh as she stood up.

  She made her way down the bus towards the bunks, slowly opening the sliding door that connected them to the kitchen to try and prevent any excess noise making its way through. As she did, the other boys decided that they’d make themselves sparse, just in case. The three of them were well aware of Matty’s intentions about bringing her on tour, and they had seen his track record with girls when he put his mind to it. As much as what they knew of Y/N/N would lead them to believe that she was pretty stubborn, they didn’t want to stick around to hear the results if Matty’s plan succeeded. Also, it was as good an excuse as any to start their day. “You alive in there, Matty?” She asked quietly, knocking softly on the side of his bunk above where his head would’ve been with her shoe. “You need to function at some point today.” The curtain slowly pulled open, revealing what appeared to be a very tired Matty. The five o’clock shadow he had going on highlighted the small amount of stubble that he had neglected to shave the day prior, and the bags under his eyes made him look like he’d just suffered an entirely sleepless night. He winced at the sudden amount of light flooding into his bunk, rolling over onto his back.

  “I need a coffee.” He groaned, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes to try and dull how bright the artificial lighting was on the bus.

“I told you that you’d regret playing that drinking game.” She sighed. “Do you need me to go make you one?” She added with a laugh, staring down at the hungover man in front of her with amusement as he rolled his way onto the floor between their bunks.

“No, not that instant shit that we have here.” He huffed, slowly pulling himself to his feet. He pulled a hand through his unruly hair, trying to sort out how messy it had become in his restless sleep. “I need a real coffee.  And George hates it when I use his contraption without askin'.” He continued as he started grabbing a few things out of his bag, throwing a jacket on over the top of the clothes that he had passed out in last night and slipping some shoes on. “C’mon.” He mumbled as he started walking towards the door.

  He let out a grunt of dissatisfaction as he stepped outside into the morning sunshine. Even through his sunglasses it was still far too harsh and made his head pound ten times worse. The jetlag probably wasn’t helping his state of mind, either. But he knew from their last tour here that there was a café nearby that would give him a decent coffee. Once he got that into his system, it would start to get him back on the road to recovery before he had to play tonight. He looked behind him briefly to verify that she was following before starting down the street in the vague direction that he recalled his source of caffeine being in. She trailed behind him, mostly taking in the scenery around her rather than really focusing on anything else. Being in new locations always gave her such a feeling of unending potential. There was so much to discover and explore, so many nooks and crannies that you’d never find if you didn’t go hunting for them. The two of them walked to the café mostly in silence, except for the few ‘ow’s that escaped from the singer at the odd exceptionally loud noise that they passed.

  Matty chose to sit down outside at the table closest to the café entrance, eager to have a smoke, get some sustenance as quick as possible, and then get back in time for a shower. Maybe a nap too if he was lucky. A server quickly made their way over to them, menus in hand and a friendly customer service smile on their face. He declined the menu, waving his hand dismissively as the server offered it out to him. “Just a black coffee, thanks.” He said with a nod. “Oh, and some toast. Dry toast.” He added as an afterthought. Experience had taught him that the sooner he could stomach food, the quicker he’d be out of this hangover. They seemed a bit taken aback by his abruptness, but took note of his request and her order of a cup of tea and toast anyway. Given the simplicity of their meal, it took all of a few minutes before it was placed in front of them. Matty took an eager sip of the hot beverage, feeling a much more comforting burn in his throat than the ones he had been feeling last night.

  As they ate their meal, he found himself watching her carefully as he absentmindedly chewed at the dry carbohydrates that he knew he needed. It had been a while since he’d had a hungover breakfast with anyone other than the band. Partially because they were who he was around for 90% of his time, but also in part because he wasn’t comfortable enough around anyone else in his life to still want to hang out with them the morning after drinking. In fact, it had been a while since he’d properly felt comfortable around anyone except the band. And yet here he was. Again. He hadn’t really expected a few offhand flirty comments to turn into a friendship that he enjoyed so much. “It’s nice havin’ you out here.” He said casually around a mouthful of toast. The genuine tone in his voice set off the butterflies in her stomach for a brief moment. She looked back at him, feeling the need to verify if this was a joke or leading to a sleazy remark, but he seemed entirely serious.

“It’s weird being out here. Feels like stepping into a different world.” She replied honestly.

He nodded in agreement, “You’ll get used to it pretty quick.” He said as he took a sip of his coffee. The drink was slowly starting to take effect. “At least I hope so. I’d hate to have dragged you along only for you to have a shitty time.” He added with a laugh.

“I couldn’t have a shitty time.” She said, shaking her head slightly. He raised an eyebrow in question. “I came out here to hang out with four guys who I consider friends, and I get to do that every day.” She shrugged. He couldn’t help but grin at that.

“Good to know.”

  They finished up their meal, and once Matty had decided that the caffeine had finally put him in a good enough mindset, he lit up a cigarette and suggested they head off. “The day is before us. We have endless possibilities.” He said as he gestured broadly at the city around them.

“No, we don’t. You have a show to sort out, and you need to show me what I’m meant to be doing with this merch, given you were so insistent that I take this job.” She pointed out.

He let out a long sigh, nodding slightly in agreement. “I should probably introduce you to Rome first so that you know whose merch you’re setting up.” He conceded, starting to walk back in the direction of the tour buses. She started following him, mulling over what he had said. Eventually she realised why he’d want to introduce her to Rome before showing her the actual job she was out here to do.

“You just wanna stall so you don’t have to start work.” She accused.

“Me? Avoid working?” He gasped. “Never.” He added sarcastically as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. “Come on, now.”

  He seemed to have entirely too much enthusiasm for someone who had been incredibly hungover not more than an hour ago, pointing out every building he recognised on their walk back to the tour bus. It was abundantly clear with how expressive he was that he was legitimately interested in teaching her about these things. She had to admit that it was nice seeing him passionate about things, even little things like the fact that he was able to kind of show her around a city he’d been in once or twice before. When they reached the bus, he held the door open and gestured for her to step in. On the inside, Rome’s bus did appear to be pretty much exactly the same as the other two buses that everyone else was in; it just simply had six less beds which made it considerably shorter than the others. As Matty stepped in behind her, he spotted Rome sitting in the open lounge at the back of the bus. He stepped around her, taking a few quick paces to close the distance and leaving her to follow.

  “This right here is my good buddy Rome.” He said with a broad grin, his volume increasing with each word he spoke as he all but ran over and tackled the blue-haired boy into a hug. Matty hadn’t left very much time for Rome to react, pretty much only looking up from his phone in time to defend himself at the last second. It was reassuring to see that he was overly enthusiastic with his affection for all of his friends, not just her. The boy laughed loudly as Matty tormented him for a few moments before he was finally able to free himself, stand up to take a few steps towards her.

“Nice to finally meet you.” He smiled as he held his hand out to her. “I was a little surprised to hear that there was gonna be someone else doing my merch this tour.” He added as she shook it and returned his smile.

“That would make two of us.” She agreed with a light laugh, glancing at Matty standing behind him.

“I just figured that you finally deserved some of your own crew instead of stealin’ mine all the time.” Matty offered with a shrug, wrapping an arm around Rome’s shoulders. She noticed that Rome made Matty seem a lot taller than he actually was as they stood next to each other like this. It was a stark contrast to seeing him with his own band members who practically dwarfed him.

  “So, should we sit down, maybe have a joint?” Matty offered in an attempt to play gracious host, gesturing back towards the lounge.

“Can’t. Meant to be working.” She reminded him. He rolled his eyes at her excuse.

“Fine, get to know each other a bit, then?” He rephrased.

“Adam was telling me you guys had soundcheck at twe-” Rome started saying, until Matty just spoke over him.

“Let’s sit down. How’ve you been, man?” He interrupted, trying to shut Rome up and pull him towards the couch.

“If that’s true then you only have fifteen minutes to get inside.” She reminded him. “And you still have to show me where my stuff is.” Matty groaned loudly at this, checking his phone to confirm that they were both telling the truth about the time. George had mentioned something last night about a midday soundcheck once the stage was set up so that the lighting guys could continue without being interrupted. He supposed it was sensible to be on time for that.

“Fine. Let’s go.” He huffed, starting to head towards the door. “Not much of an introduction, though.” He added under his breath. After shouting a quick goodbye to Rome over his shoulder, they headed back out of the bus and inside the venue. She assumed that Matty must’ve known where he was going because he beelined through the hallways like a man on a mission. This arena was a bit bigger than the one that she had seen them in the first time and she tried to retain the corners they were taking in her head so that she didn’t get turned around again. Eventually they stopped at a pallet towards the back of the building absolutely loaded with boxes.

  “This-” He started as he scanned through the pallet of stock, eventually pulling a box down from the very top, “is yours.” He held out the box. “And you set it up in that van that we passed near the front entrance.” He added.

She looked at him, then at the box. Was he done..? Maybe they were waiting on extra boxes? Or there was more to grab somewhere else? Surely this couldn’t be it? “A box? One box?” She asked in confusion. As she looked back to him for clarification, he seemed unphased by this information. “For the whole tour?” She continued.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“This is really it?” She asked incredulously as she took it.

“Yep.” He confirmed, still nodding.

“Oh my god, Matty. I’m going to die of boredom being out here with only this.” She groaned, opening the box to see if it was even full. Knowing him it was probably empty, anyway. Maybe she should take back her comment about not being able to have a terrible time while she was out here.

“Payback for the festival.” He chuckled as she was able to verify that it was, indeed, full of shirts. Thank god.

“Don’t you fucking start.” She said with a glare, turning to point at him. “You chose to do that.” She reminded him.

“And you chose to do this.” He quipped with a smirk. “Unless you had some ulterior motive?” He asked nonchalantly. She knew full well what he was trying to get at, but it wasn’t going to work in this instance.

“Seeing my friends was, in fact, the primary motive.” She answered with a smug look.

“Mmm… sure.” He replied in a disbelieving tone. “I have to go soundcheck, I’ll catch up with you in a bit.” He said, turning on his heel and walking back in the direction that they had come from.

  She trusted Matty - well, mostly trusted Matty - but she still read the labels on every box on that pallet just in case there was secretly more stock hidden somewhere. Once she had finally resigned herself to her fate of having next to no work to do at every show, she carried her one, single box back to the empty merch stand. It took her all of twenty minutes to set up merch for Rome. There were only sixty shirts in total to count in, and folding them was nothing compared to the amount of stock she had been forced to fold at other events. Rome had ducked in to the van once she was done to chat and keep her company, explaining a bit of the meaning behind the shirt design he had chosen and telling her about how he had met Matty. He seemed to be a really nice kid; she could see why Matty got along with him so well. They carried on chatting in the merch van until Ross came to find them and show them to the backstage waiting area so that the rest of the merch crew could set up. Everyone else had already made their way over there so that they could kill the time until it was finally time to play. Matty seemed to intentionally take his time getting ready for the show, asking her opinion on just about every little change that he made. Despite the confident bravado, he did seem to have a good deal of nerves bubbling away under the surface. He knew that he was setting the bar for what the whole tour would have in store. Kids would spread photos online of what they’d seen, what he’d done, what the setlist was. First impressions mattered. But as expected, the show was an astounding start to the six weeks that lay ahead. The band came off the stage buzzing with excitement and adrenaline, ready to tackle everything else that was thrown their way.

  The next week was pretty much spent establishing a rough routine for the rest of the tour. It only took playing the one show for the band to get a feel for it again, and once the rest of the crew had set up and pulled down a couple of shows, everyone was back in the groove of what to expect. The band were also starting to get readjusted to doing interviews and social media releases while on the road. It was a gruelling schedule at times trying to fit it all in to one day and still somehow manage to get enough sleep for the next, but not one they were strangers to. However, what Y/N/N was quickly finding out in her daily routine, was that there was absolutely no personal space on a tour bus. She had been under the impression that bands generally took a few days here and there to have breaks between shows, but not this band. Nope. The thing about The 1975 was that they just did. not. stop. If this band wasn’t about to play a show, they were on the road to the next one. So, if they weren’t in a venue organising the day ahead, or pit stopped somewhere for an interview or similar, they were in the tour bus. They had a good mentality of everyone just being able to chill out and do their own thing when on the bus, which mostly consisted of trying to talk to people back at home or watching a movie wherever you could find space. But that many people crammed into such a tiny area who all shared conflicting schedules meant that you rapidly learned things about your roommates that you didn’t think you’d ever know. It hadn’t crossed her mind that she would have to quickly learn the bathroom habits of everyone else on this vehicle if she ever had a hope in hell of using it herself. On the plus side, it did mean that you also had to be comfortable in each other’s space for the sake of your own sanity.

  As a result of needing people to vent to about this lack of space, she had found herself dragged headfirst into the chaos and hilarity that was Matty’s close friend circle. Having their stable company and friendship made dealing with the little issues about living on a tour bus a lot easier. Someone eating the last of the cereal was a lot less annoying when she could turn and laugh with Ross about it. She was finding out the more she got to know them that George was definitely the sensible one of the group who kept everyone else - namely Matty - in line, Ross was proving himself to be the funniest of the four of them - when Matty wasn’t around to try and one-up him - and Adam was a lot more reserved in bigger groups – especially when Matty was in them and just spoke over everyone else (there seemed to be a common theme appearing about how it was easier to get to know Matty’s friends without Matty present) - but more than happy to chat one on one when you got him onto a topic of mutual interest. And where she had already been fairly comfortable around the egocentric frontman, she was now finding that he was almost essential to her daily survival. From their in-jokes about dumb things, to having someone to talk to who knew her a slight bit better than everyone else, to just being able to have him around to watch TV shows with; the longer she spent trapped in the tour bus with him, the harder it was getting for her to be able to deny being into him. But there was no point in telling him any of this, because admitting her feelings wasn’t going to get her anywhere. It would just give him the satisfaction that he’d won and she’d be putting herself on the line with no reciprocation. However, Matty was also finding their time together to be having an overwhelmingly positive effect. It was incredibly convenient for him to have someone around who kept him in such a good mood all the time and who provided such good company. He hadn’t felt this happy in quite a while.

  One afternoon on the bus she was trying to find something to occupy her time, deciding that maybe watching a movie would fill the void until they arrived at the next venue and she could get out and explore a bit. She knocked on the closed door of the back lounge, slowly pulling it open after she didn’t receive a reply. Upon peeking her head around the door, she was met with the curly haired Matty sitting on his laptop, a single headphone sitting in one of his ears and an open notebook on the table next to him. He didn’t look up as she stepped in, and it took her a moment to realise what he was doing. “Oh my god, are you working?” She asked in surprise.

“I do that sometimes.” He mumbled, not tearing his eyes away from his laptop.

“I have to admit, I was starting to think that you didn’t.” She laughed as she shuffled around the couch to see what he was doing. He was clearly fiddling with audio tracks in an editing program, but her knowledge beyond that was pretty limited. The notebook next to him seemed to be full of half-formed ideas that didn’t offer much context. She watched him in silence for a few moments before he decided to explain what he was doing.

  “I’m trying to edit the bridge of this song and get it to sound how we want in our heads. George had a go at it this morning but couldn’t quite get the right sound, he asked if I could take a look at it.” He clarified. She nodded in understanding.

“It’s nice seeing you do something productive instead of just hindering the work of everyone else around you.” She teased, nudging him slightly with her elbow.

He flashed her a sarcastic look. “You know that I’ve spent the better part of two decades working to get this band where it is, yeah?” He asked bitterly, the sour mood he was in from not being able to sort this song out seeping into his tone.

“So I’ve heard. But most of the time you act like the cliché rock star that you tell everyone you’re not.” She shot back with a challenging look.

  He opened his mouth to argue with her point, before realising that from her perspective, that was pretty much all that he did. She hadn’t had the chance to see him in the studio, in the label offices planning things out with Jamie, doing a serious interview, or do anything that was work related really other than perform and show off. He imagined that must come across as pretty arrogant of him to claim he got the band to where it is when he acted like he’d been at this point for all of his life. “How do I explain this…” He hummed, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back into the couch to think of the right words to say. “I don’t often get the chance to fuck about anymore. I used to a lot when I was younger. I fucked around and partied enough when I was younger for all of us guys combined, really.” He gave a short laugh, “But as we got bigger, I had to get my act together. More people were watching us, social media was a very prevalent thing in regards to marketing a band and our image, I had to knock it off for the sake of the band as a whole. Even just how much time I was wasting on it started to affect how much effort I could put into where we were going, and I didn’t want that. But people don’t change until it’s too hard not to. I was sort of required to shift into a more serious place in my life, when… y’know, it all got drawn out into the spotlight. But I miss it. I miss the freedom that came with getting to fuck about all the time.” He explained, glancing across at her to verify if she was understanding him correctly.

  “So… you fuck around now because you haven’t for ages?” She asked, not really following where he was going with this.

“No, I…” He let out a sigh, trying to make his thoughts more eloquent. “It’s nice not having to be on my best behaviour around you, is what I’m getting at. It’s just a breath of fresh air amongst constant press and being recorded.” He simplified. “And the band doesn’t let me get away with as much as you do. That’s why you don’t see me serious very often.” Ah. She got what he meant now. “But, for the next six weeks you’re stuck living with me.” He chuckled. “Which means you’ll get to see all sides of me, not just the ones that I want you to.” Matty seemed to have a good knack for making jokes out of comments that were probably more serious than he thought they were. He looked down at her once he was satisfied that she was following along with his reasoning, only now realising that she was wearing his hoodie that he had given her the day after they’d met. A grin slowly spread across his face at this. “Nice hoodie.” He said with a small nod of approval. She had to look down to remind herself of what he was referring to, before meeting his gaze again with a slight blush dusting her cheeks. “It looks good on you.” He added, keeping the ‘better than it did on me’ part of that sentence to himself.

“Thanks.” She mumbled, unsure of what else to say to the compliment.

  He went back to working after that, still trying to shuffle around new samples into the audio file to get the sound perfect. She figured that it would be pretty rude of her to put a movie on while he was working, so she decided to just watch him instead. It became considerably easier to follow along with what he was doing when he unplugged the headphones and allowed the laptop speakers to play aloud what he was working on. The track sounded like a less bass-y version of Depth from the small snippets she was hearing. It was interesting seeing his creative process and watching the looks that crossed his face as he tried to get the thoughts out of his head and into the song. As they got closer and closer to the next venue, Matty was beginning to take note of just how long she had actually been watching him work. All he was doing was messing with files in a program, surely there was no way in hell a girl would watch him do that for over an hour if she wasn’t interested in him. The fact that she refused to tell him just ate away at his mind.

He slammed shut the laptop suddenly, forcing her attention to him and away from the screen. “You should just tell me.” He said.

“Tell you what?” She asked in confusion, but the look he threw back at her in response made it click.

“You’ve fuckin’ been watching me all afternoon.” He laughed loudly as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, “Just admit it.” He added lowly.

“In your dreams.” She scoffed.

“Every night, love.” He shot back with a smirk.

  As more time progressed on the tour, Matty could feel himself edging ever so slightly closer to getting her to crack. His plan to establish what the right buttons were to encourage a reaction was working well. He was already well aware that she enjoyed seeing him play guitar. During soundchecks he had seen the way that she watched his fingers move across the frets and how she got distracted by it, and she was always pretty enthralled whenever he was on stage. So, that was one item off the list that he could play to his advantage. The other week she had told him that she liked his hair when it was messy, that was another. He was pretty confident that she liked the physical attention because she had stopped pushing him away now and tended to sit next to him before she sat next to anyone else. She was only ever becoming more receptive to the comments and actions that he was trying to use to fish for what worked and what didn’t. But she was still so damn stubborn about it. The two of them were both getting more resistant the more the other pushed. He refused to let up until she admitted the truth, and she refused to say it to him purely on principle at this point. If she caved now, he’d lord it over her for the remaining four weeks of the tour. But this constant game that they were at was starting to grate on the rest of the band, mainly George. He was beginning to find that this girl’s company was actually very enjoyable and he didn’t want to see Matty go and fuck it all up when he finally won. He also didn’t want to find himself caught in the middle trying to console both parties of a messy situation while trapped on a tour bus with the both of them. But at this point, he knew that Matty of all people should know better. He figured that maybe he should take the time to remind his best friend that there was a time and a place for everything, and that maybe on a tour bus wasn’t the time for this.

  On a fairly dismal afternoon, Matty had found himself sulking at the kitchen table for the last half an hour or so. He had opened one of his social media apps to check on how things were doing at home, only to find a picture of his ex kissing some other guy plastered across the front of it. It had been about six months since she’d left him, but seeing her move on didn’t sting any less. It still felt like a blow to his self-esteem that she’d move on before he had. He was knocked out of his daze of staring at his phone in discontent when the bus door suddenly flung open and a very determined George stormed inside. 

“What’s your plan with all this?” George asked bluntly as he sat down across from him at the table.

Matty stared across at his best friend blankly, trying to catch up to whatever train of thought George had caught that he’d apparently missed the call for. “What do you mean?” He asked, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“What happens if she turns around and says that she’s into you?” He questioned.

“When.” He specified with a pointed look.

“Whatever, man.” The drummer huffed in annoyance. “What happens after you’ve conned this girl into falling for you?” He rephrased.

  Matty wasn’t overly fond with the choice of words that George had used. Conned? That wasn’t what he was doing. He was just having a bit of fun, wasn’t he? But what did happen when she finally told him..? He hadn’t really thought that far ahead, he was too focused on accomplishing step one to work out what step two was. “Matty.” George called, clicking his fingers in front of the singer’s face to drag his attention back to reality. “All I’m saying is, don’t fuck her over, yeah? She deserves better than that.”

“Oh, I…” He scratched at the back of his neck nervously, suddenly feeling like a kid being told off by his parents. “Well, I wasn’t intending on it.” He mumbled.

“Good intentions only go so far,” He clapped a hand down on Matty’s shoulder. “and I’ve seen your track record. Be careful.” He warned as he stood up from the table and started heading back towards the door of the bus. “Oh, and,” He spun back around, pointing across the bus at his friend with a serious expression. “keep it to a minimum when the rest of us are around, wouldn’t you?”

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinmyvein

[curlyhairallday]

Bumps and Dumps - Part 6

Harry and Hattie were best friends and fuck buddies until she got knocked up. Her life was becoming one big mess and even though her best friend had finally admitted his feeling but she believed it is only because of the baby.

Harold: Him…….

Hatters: We were just friends Harry and he actually seems to care about me and he didn’t have to knock me up to realise.

Harry kept rereading the text he finally realised how bad he had screwed up his chances with her. He had always known she liked him for the most part he never realised though that one day when the universe had made it clear he can be selfish he can have her she would no longer want him. He had spent the whole of the SNL after party looking at this photo of her and fucking sink boy. Aj had been his only real threat and now he was playing the role of Dad to his unborn baby, he should be rubbing her back not him. Ever since that skit all he thought about was them going to birthing classes, getting the nursery ready in the new house and talking to her bump. Harry had been getting updates from Gemma apparently Hattie had the tiniest bump which more looked like she was bloated but only they knew it was their spud.

He tried to type her a message several times and gave up. He just kept looking at that photo he went onto twitter to see what his fans were saying. He knew Jeff would come over and try and come up with a plan to diffuse the situation but he also knew Jeff wouldn’t care as after looking at his fans tweets everyone was speculating he was going to become a Godfather to Aj’s baby all he wanted to tweet was it’s mine. Most people had assumed she had just drunk a few too many and was paying the price. Harry was so wrapped up in his phone he had forgotten that he had invited his mates to the after party including two of his exes Kendall and Camille.

“What you looking at Styles.”

Kendall quickly grabbed his phone away, Kendall had never quite known what was going on between him and Hattie but she herself thought they were meant to be together. Kendall had realised shortly into her fling with Harry that their was another women and she had never disliked Hattie the two had got on well. They were not best friends but that was because they were opposites Kendall and Camille were both slightly vain and their lives were hollywood. Where as, Hattie dreamed differently something Harry found intriguing she hated the spotlight and anything glitz and glam she craved a different lifestyle she loved fighting for people to get their attackers behind bars and helping men and women to prosecute their other halfs for domestic abuse. She didn’t need attention or money she needed to help. Where as, Camille and Kendall spent time and money on the latest clothes to look cool which is something them and Harry had bonded over, Hattie spent most her time around the house in his hoddies or merch. He tried not to compare them to Hattie when he had dated them both as he knew no matter what they would always fall short. Even when Hattie lectured him on the dangers of drug use or how he shouldn’t smoke or allow Camille to smoke in the house because his lungs wouldn’t work very well and he wouldn’t be able to hold the high notes, Hattie was a goody goody in that sense and Harry loved her for that. Now she would save her lectures for court when she realised that her child was better with Aj as a father than this fuck up. He downed his drink to help with the sorrow.

“So Harriet is having fun, wow look her new boyfriend is hot.”

“Of course.”

“Come on Styles you are normally the first to admire a man's good looks.”

“I’d admire them if he had any, she could do better.” Harry grumbled.

“By better do you mean you? I must admit thought you two would finally end up together, I was surprised you and Camille lasted so long didn’t think you could stand to distance yourself from her.”

Harry knew she was right they had cut multiple trips short during there time together because Hattie had a big test or she was stressed or he just missed her.

“I heard my name.”

Camille kissed Harry on the cheek as she joined him and Kendall.  Him and Camille were on good terms even though at the end it had hurt but he always knew he was trying to make himself love someone, when that place had already been filed.

“H, why are you so sad you just killed SNL.”

“Capital is saying you’re going to be a Godfather, is that why you’re so sad missed because you missed your shot?”

Kendall exclaimed while looking through the twitter feed.

“Harry wouldn’t care about that. When is she due? I am surprised she didn’t tell you first? Wait is she still living with you?”

Camille fired question after question at him, Camille was lovely and intelligent but she was one of those people who never wanted her ex to move on almost like a power move. In her mind Harry would have never fancied Hattie as he should still be into her. Harry quickly downed his drink he had been trying to stop drinking to fill a void but he was currently failing.

“Styles tell us what’s going on? so we can cheer your miserable ass up and get the fuck out of here and celebrate.”

Harry looked around at all of his friends in the room they were all so Harry and here to congratulate him.

“It’s mine.”

“What’s yours H?”

Camille stroked his arm and glanced at Kendall waiting for her to answer, she normally understood Harry.

“Whats going on over here?”

Jeff joined the group kissing both the girls on the cheek before looking at his mates solomon expression. Harry grabbed another drink of a waiter and downed it. Kendall passed Jeff Harry’s phone.

“Harry mate slow down a bit. I will sort it have you called Hattie made sure she is ok?” Jeff tried to reason knowing that Harry wasn’t handling his transition into parenthood the best mainly due to the baby mumma issues. He also knew one of Harry’s rules was protect Hattie so even though this would blow over in the press it probably wouldn’t have made it there if she hadn’t been friends with Harry or caught with the future CEO of one of the most prestigious law firms in the Country.

“The baby its mine.”

“Wait what?” Camille laughed out not believing him.

“She’s nearly twelve weeks, I am going to be a dad.”

Jeff was busy texting someone probably to get the press under control about Hattie.

“So why is your girlfriend with a random guy at 6am?”

“We aren’t together she doesn’t want me. I screwed it up by ignoring her for other people. Her exact last text was basically said I only want her because I knocked her up.”

“Let’s just have fun H.” Camille gave him and kendall both a glass.

The rest of the night was a blur until he woke up the next morning to five missed calls from Gemma and two from Anne. He could barely open his eyes the hangover was that bad.

“Hey Mum, sorry I was out last night?”

“Harry you need to call Hattie. She is devastated they told her that the no longer required her at the firm. Said the press photo was not a good look for the company having a employee throwing up at 6am outside Starbucks. Apparently clients won’t take her seriously and she did sevre damage ”

“Wait what? Did she say she’s pregnant?”

“Gemma has tried to comfort her but she’s distraught. She did they already knew she thinks that’s why they did it. She said to Gemma is was a possibility.”

“I can’t come home mum I have the late late show and my interview with Apple.”

“Harry you need to do something? Honestly Gemma called me panicked as you weren’t answering Hattie tried to call you of Gemma phone apparently her pregnancy hormones caused her to throw hers at the floor the other day.”

“Mum I am going to go.”

Harry layed there trying to figure out what to say, he couldn’t get out of work these things had been booked for months. Maybe he could convince her to fly out here for a break I mean he was sure his record label could use a solicitor but knew she hates that bit of the law.

“Gemma pass me to Hattie” He cut of his sister hello he was in a rush.

“Hattie, I am so sorry baby. You’re amazing.”

He could hear her hiccuping back her tears this was her dream job she had been through shit to keep this job and now she had lost it thanks to him.

“I wo-r-ked sooo …. Hard Harry.”

She began sobbing again he knew how hard she’d worked.  She was a robot at uni trying to get a first and not settling for anything less.

“Hatters baby, come to LA.  I have to be here all week but we can figure stuff out ok. I promise I will make you feel better.”

“I can’t even get drunk to numb this pain.”

Harry chuckled a drunk Hattie was a scary sight .

“Get on a plane now I will pick you up myself we will get ice cream and cake or anything spud will stomach.”

“I can’t Aj said he could get me a interview at his dads, In the family law section it’s not perfect but it’s something. I was really helping people though H they took it away because of spud. I am not going to resent spud though it’s not his fault or hers. It’s his mummy’s for being a whore.”

“Hattie what the fuck? You are not a whore.”

“That’s what twitter is saying and the people at work said I get around.”

She began crying again and selfishly all he cared about was the fact that she would be working with Aj and that made his blood boil. He also still had the hangover from hell and was struggling to not vomit.

“When is this interview?” He calmly asked so to not upset her.

“Later today.”

“Ok after I will book a flight this evening. You need a little break we can spend the rest of the week together I only have to work today and tomorrow. I can selffishly get my best friend back and hopefully you will feel a bit better.”

“I think I like that, I am sorry for being a bitch recently it’s hormones and also I couldn’t hold in my feelings.”

“We can talk when you get here.”

Hattie was annoyed with herself for apologising she was still mad at him but she wanted him bad. She had the interview and Aj had helped her a lot they had offered her a job and she was so thankful for Aj. If not she would be a pregnant singleish mum with no money at least she lived with Harry so she wouldn’t be on the street. She was excited to start next week mainly because Emily had been distant with her recently so Aj was all she had friends wise who wasn’t somehow linked to Harry. She had packed light for LA not wanting to take a lot as the morning sickness had made her feel very weak. She was surprised that she was willingly seeing Harry but she needed to. They had never spent this long without constant communication she was also excited for him to hold her as she still couldn’t believe she had lost her job and managed to get a new one in a 24hour period I guess it goes to show how important it is to know the right people.

She spent the whole flight passed out in front of the toilet or with her head down it being sick. She was convinced this baby hated her.

Bump and Dumps Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6

#Harry Styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfction #one direction #one direction fanfiction

[princeanxious]

“Egg-celent” TSS- Patceit

Warnings: Aphobia, sympathetic deceit

I was requested to write this prompt with anyship, i gave it a shot xD , all errors are mine, and i hope ya’ll like it bc it’s almost 1 am for me.

Prompt: “You’re famous and I jokingly left a comment on your social media post asking if you’ll go egg my ex-partner’s house with me this weekend, and I never actually expected you to respond, let alone show up Friday night with dark sweatshirts, toilet paper rolls, and three egg cartons tucked under your arm” AU

Prior/extra info: Patceit AU where Patton is Famous(and has a youtube and uses it for good) and just moved into Dimitri’s hometown, and Dimitri is also a youtuber but a much smaller one, known for amazing stage/costume makeup artistry and the peculiar way that one side of his face is covered in freckles and the fact that his eyes have heterochromia. Patton is also really tall(6’4) and Dimitri is really short(5’2).

———

‘Hey, /PatPuffballSanders, wanna help me go egg my ex’s house this weekend? I’d bet it’d be sp-egg-tacular.’

-posted at 10:23 pm, by /BoopDiSnek

The short makeup artist hadn’t expected things to escalate this far, and well, in all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything to happen at all. Perhaps it was the fact that Patton Sanders was famous, known well for his pretty voice, sneaky puns, dad humor, and growing popularity as a voice actor.

He was a ray of sunshine, and readily used that talent on every social platform he could to make people smile, but primarily on Youtube. The tall puppy of a man had a pun of the day, animal shelter promo of the week, and a monthly charity stream where he’d invite his friends and other youtubers of all kinds to play games and skits and challenges to raise money for all sorts of causes.

The puffball has a moral streak a mile wide, and has a segment for ‘Dad Chats’ in his videos with his viewers about how they should choose go about certain issues, and how their choices and feelings would affect their decisions, among other topics. He wasn’t good at words, but he tries to be the best influence he can, and that much was evident in any of his videos.

Perhaps it was the fact that Dimitri was still heartbroken, his boyfriend dumping him a week ago for someone else after a year and a half of dating. All because he was a ‘killjoy’ for not feeling sexually attracted to the man. It wasn’t even that Dimitri didn’t want it, he just hadn’t felt any of the sort towards his ex yet and didn’t feel the need to fake an act. It hadn’t sat well with his ex-boyfriends ego, apparently, as was evident in their last fight leading towards their breakup.

The words ‘freak’ and ‘prude’ had indeed stung, but not more than ‘unlovable’ had, the sentence burned into the forefront of his thoughts as his ex exclaimed it.

And maybe Dimitri had been a little out of it, typing the sarcastic message through his angry tears.

Even when pressing the post button had sent a jolt of nervousness through him, having tagged his favorite ball of sunshine, he’d never expected a response. It was evident in the comments his followers added to his post, concerned about his full week of silence, that the question had been silly. Patton? Patton Hart Sanders? The Patton Hart Sanders, egging a house? Sure, Patton had just moved into Dimitri’s hometown, but their hometown was big enough that he’d probably never run into the voice actor anyhow. And Patton just wasn’t that kind of person.

In any case, his phone had been left on the charger as he went to make some tea, and had almost spilled it everywhere when he returned 10 minutes later. A single notification from Patton Sanders himself sat, waiting to be read.

‘Now, I don’t know about eggin’ a house, Kiddo, but you sure have got me on the ‘Egg’ of my seat, ‘fryin’ to know whats eating at you. You feeling okay, Di?’’ It was a private message, sent two minutes ago, and Dimitri was barely breathing.

Okay, so maybe Dimitri was pretty gay for Patton, it was a popular type of crush, nothing very real, and that was all. He looked up to the man, definitely. However, there was no way in heaven that Patton Sanders had privately dm’d him. He could scarcely believe it, even after triple checking that this was an official Patton Sanders account. Perhaps it was unprofessional, but Patton seemed genuinely worried and was trying to reach out, and that made Dimitri feel guilty.

“Hey Pat! Don’t worry about it, I was just joking around.” He squinted at the sentence, scrutinizing it for any particular error before sending it, Patton’s response was almost immediate.

“Something tells me you weren’t, but i’ll let it slide for now, kiddo. The question remains, are you feeling okay?”

“Honestly? No, but i will be. Aphobia sucks, though. Some dude my ex turned out to be.”

It took Patton three extra minutes to respond, a hesitance present in his response. “Oh goodness, that sounds bad.. on second thought, that egging his house idea doesn’t sound so mean after all, Di!” Dimitri snorted, gently waving off the others suggestion through another message.

Back and forth they went for another hour, talking about video ideas and plans and possible collab ideas. Perhaps Dimitri was in over his head, he’d never collabed with anyone before, but he wasn’t going to turn Patton's suggestion for a stage makeup challenge for a charity livestream down.

Eventually they both went to bed, and time moved on.

Dimitri picked himself back up and threw himself back into his videos, breaking the silence with a short explanation video followed by his regularly scheduled videos. By the time Friday rolled around, Dimitri had all but forgotten about his question to Patton. Over the course of the week, both of them had gotten closer, talking about their town and suggestions of places to go, and promises to meet up that hopefully would not become empty.

It was mid-afternoon when Dimitri, who was currently mid-edit thankfully and not mid-makeup mode, got a knock on his door. Confused, he wandered to his front door and opened it, peering through his glasses at the outside world.

Well, attempting to peer, as suddenly Dimitri is met with a blue sweater-clad chest and a happy squeal of excitement coming from the man standing at his door. It takes two seconds for Dimitri to blink upwards at the taller man and recognize him as Patton Sanders, it takes Dimitri two more minutes for his brain to catch up with Patton’s excited rambling.

And to catch up with the fact that Patton is hugging him.

He notices Patton has a few things in one arm, most notably, a couple cartons of eggs. He can’t help but crack a smile, completely flabbergasted that Patton actually thought of going through with this.

Dimitri’s thoughts are going wild, and he’s pretty sure he has a headache coming on, but instead of addressing it, he plays it cool and invites the other in and decides to make tea for the both of them.

When Patton pulls out two black sweaters, one turned inside out,along with a mask and some toilet paper, Dimitri can’t hold back his giggles. He misses the way Patton lights up at the sound, and lets Patton know that they really weren’t going to egg his ex’s house. The relief is evident in Patton’s voice, “Thank goodness! I don’t think we’d fair too well in the dark!”

Dimitri can’t help but agree, adjusting his glasses. No, not even his contacts could save him for the depth perception nightmare that was aiming in the dark, plus, they’d easily get caught. Absently, Dimitri moves to hand the inside out sweater back, flipping it right side out now that the dark interior wasn’t needed, only to pause. His eyes caught on the graphic print on the front of the sweater, adjusting it in his hands so he could see it fully. He paused again, squinting at the familiar design.

It held a cute albino snake curled around a small round ornament, blepping contently with the words ‘It cold’ next to her. Under the graphic, the name of the snake was presented in pretty cursive lettering, ‘Nova.’

“Pat.. is this?? My winter merch??” Dimitri could barely hold back his disbelief, glancing up at a flustered Patton. Patton owned the merch of his pet albino python, Nova, and goodness gracious Dimitri needed to sit down.

“In my defence!! Nova is cute!! And she's even cuter when happily curled around you!” Patton huffed, arms crossed as he blushed, though unashamed at his remark. Dimitri’s mind went a hundred different ways at that, before just putting his face in his hands and sighing.

After calming down a bit, he had an idea, and glanced up at Patton who blinked at him nervously, afraid he’d messed up somehow.

“Wanna hold her?” Patton’s bright grin was worth the brief stuttering of Dimitri’s thoughts.

With permission, a picture was taken of Patton with Nova wrapped around his shoulders, captioned ‘Nova found her #1 fan, it seems!’ and posted on both of their social accounts.

And if the media went a little shipping crazy at the two’s meeting, that was fine by them.

(The End?)

I might draw somethink for this but idk yet.)

#sanders sides #patton sanders #sympathetic deceit #patceit #luka writes #luka’s aus

[missmexicana13]

How Taylor has been my lifeline for 10 years

This is the first time I am sharing about this, I’m truly scared of doing so but at the same time i think I "gotta step into the daylight and let it go”

Hi there, I've been a Swiftie since 2009 the first time I listened to Love Story and I was completely hooked with @taylorswift ever since (it was around the time my life started to get very messy)

Long story short, I’ve had a complicated life specially in the romance area, more than some and less than others I know that. When I was around 17-18 I fell in love with one of the worst human beings on earth, after a while he started to show his true colors and it was awful he became very violent, I tried to break it off but he kept stalking me showed up everywhere, sometimes in campus he just showed up and stole my phone from me and ran, he sexually abused me, he even tried to run me over with his car several times, he blackmailed me with doing things to my friends and family or with personal pictures... I don’t really know whats worse the physical or the emotional abuse, I mean bruises heal they always do but the emotional scars, the paranoia and the loneliness is another thing.

For a long year that was my life, it was awful I felt so lonely all my “friends” started taking a distance from me as I was very toxic, I was always depressed, he got so bad into my head I started to believe everything he said to me. At one point I tried to get help and talk to my mom, when I wanted to tell her about the sexual abuse she just screamed at me because I wasn’t a virgin anymore, she literally told me she did not raised sluts and that I had to get out of her house, I was so broken I could not believe that the person that was supposed to love me and support me unconditionally just did that... At that point I turned to @taylorswift ‘s music even more, I felt like she was the only one on my side. 

At one point I thought he got bored of me, my mom (after a lot of begging) let me stay at home and I was just surviving I had terrible nightmares when he always came to get me, so at one point I didn’t sleep or eat I was a mess. Slowly I got into different activities around campus to do something and meet new people, I met this guy who was very kind and sweet to me, I though he liked me one day he picked me up to go to a party and to get to know his friends I was SUPER excited, I got dressed up really nice and there it was, my abusive ex, turns out they were friends and all along they were playing me (this guy did not liked me, he even had a pregnant girlfriend!), my ex he was so drunk at he started to corner me everybody seeing all that was going on and no doing anything. 

I spent years feeling very bad about myself, I did not date, I did not trusted anyone. I started to seek comfort in food and gaining weight as it made me feel that nobody would want to ever tough our abuse someone that is not physically attractive. And more and more @taylorswift became my lifeline, her music was my outlet I could get lost into her lyrics and she would not either judge me.

It took me around 5 years to trust someone again. I started dating someone from work, he was very complicated but I really liked him so I fought so hard to make it work. Eventually we got serious. I’m originally from Venezuela which is a Country that is doing extremely bad things got very difficult with the government and basically I had to leave, he decided to come with me a Mexico. It was not easy but we tried, we even asked me to marry him... And then it all crashed beautifully down after a while, he just plain dumped me in the middle of the street one day, we were still living in the same apartment I had nowhere else to go.. 

So here I am, very lonely, in a city I hate, with like a 2k debt that I can’t pay off, hiding behind a smile every day at work ... And the only positive thing in my life is @taylorswift her music is just my therapy, what makes me happy even for a little while, I get lost in lyrics and I do not need anything else. 

The only thing keeping me glued together is the dream of seeing her live one day, that would make me the happiest as I accepted long time ago I’ll never get the chance to meet her I do not have like money to buy merch and take awesome pictures or fly to US to her concerts. Either way, I’m still a true fan and I adore her so much I hope one time she gets the chance to read this, not because I need a notice but I truly and deeply want for her to know how important she is for me, how her music has saved me so many times.

@taylorswift @taylornation I love you and I thank you for saving me. 

#taylor swift #i love taylor swift #Swifties #ts #lover #ts7 #why i love taylor swift #about me #survivor #abussive relationships #ed

[padalickingood]

-NEED HELP MOVING OUT-

Hi everyone! This one’s gonna be a long one but I hope I can implore you all to take a quick minute of your time to read this and hopefully share it with others TvT. I’ve really been taking my time procrastinating from writing this because I never liked talking much about my own personal situation and dumping that on people, but I’ve unfortunately reached a point where I'm a bit desperate for any kind of help If I am going to try and make this happen.  

Recently I’ve started a serious goal of saving up enough money in order to move out by early next summer. I have attempted to make plans to move from my family home many times in the past couple of years and unfortunately have never managed to get anywhere near to achieving that goal due to my financial situation. Things have gotten increasingly stressful and emotionally exhausting in my current situation and I’ve officially hit that point where I’m willing to ask for assistance online.  

As a freelance artist, even with my Etsy, Patreon, ko-fi, and commission work combined I barely manage to make enough for basic living essentials which doesn’t include any sort of insurance or homeowner/apt owner expenses. Currently I do my very best to pay for as much as I can on my own and even so I still require support from my parents by them allowing me to live with them and them providing internet etc. What I pay for out of pocket is limited to things I need personally such as food, clothes, basic living supplies, art/store supplies etc. I’ve also recently limited myself from buying anything that is not completely necessary for essential living like eating out, movies, buying gifts over a certain price limit for friends, as well as canceling any travel plans from here on out. 

At this point I feel like It’s important for me to explain why I am a freelance artist as opposed to having any other type of job that could potentially be easier and pay better. This may be a bit of a tl;dr but I feel like it should at least be mentioned because the impact it’s had. Several years ago (I wanna say 2013 ish?) I dropped out of my community college because of essentially having a breakdown. The entire experience had left such a negative impact on me that my mood had very noticeably 180’d from high school to 2nd year of college. It was probably the closest I've come to being any level of depressed, which is not a word I throw around lightly as it’s something I don’t think I've felt anywhere near the level of those who struggle with it. Overall those years were so incredibly demoralizing and difficult for me that I made the tough decision of leaving school, something I had never even considered doing in my past (I never even skipped class in high school up until last day of senior year lol). Deciding to leave when I did though was probably the right decision because to this day, I still feel the lasting negative effects those years had on me. After I left school, I picked up a retail job and worked there for about a year and half. It wasn’t something I was really eager to do but was necessary as I wasn’t going to school anymore. With no degree though a minimum wage job was my only real option. Unfortunately, my experiences working weren’t all that positive either (as something I'm sure many of you also experience). I struggled to maintain motivation and continued to feel incredibly negative. It got so bad that it effected my relationships with family and friends as it kept me in a very antisocial mood. I ended up quitting that job shortly after and decided to try and go full freelance. Ever Since then I've worked on building up my store, commissions and anything else I could to try and make money from my art. To this day I still struggle with building up my online presence to the point where I can make a living off of it, but one thing that drastically changed for the better was my mood. My mental health has always been an absolute priority for me and I make a conscious effort to never force myself into anything that I know will have a negative impact on my health, which is why I dropped out of college and quit that job. I knew that if I stayed there it would have absolutely gotten so bad that It would have left much deeper scars than it has. And Although working in Freelance is no easy task and comes with its own degrees of stress, I find it far more rewarding and worth managing that stress. 

But as a result of those years I’ve been afraid of going back to either school or a minimum wage job. I know if I return to a job like that it will pull me back into a mental space that I'm just not willing to sacrifice myself to, and as far as College goes, I simply can’t afford it. However, with deciding to become a freelance artist I've dedicated my time to trying to build myself back up with my art and create a presence online where I can simultaneously do what I know makes me happy while also earning a living off of it. My progress has been slow and over the years I've felt like I've hit a standstill which brings me to my overall goal of wanting to move out. As I mentioned before I had been making attempts to move since around the time I worked in retail. Things haven’t panned out since then as I am still struggling to try and build up my store/Patreon/overall customer basis online. Unfortunately, also within these past few years tensions have been at a pretty constant high in my household because of it. There’s an added weight of still being so reliant on my parents after all these years and it being used against me, that the stress I’ve accumulated from it has kept me from being as productive as I would like. Recently with some current events I’ve just about hit a breaking point and am willing to do anything I can in order to save up so I can officially move out. I’m incredibly tired emotionally from still being here and I’ve started to take serious steps to making this move happen. Luckily I’ve been able to find a friend I can move out with so I won’t be paying rent on my own and I’ve calculated how much I could potentially make a month if I stick to a packed workload schedule. It’s not ideal but I’ve committed to this freelance work and I’m willing to work as hard as I can to reach my goal, and if all goes well then by this time next year i’ll be able to move out.

In writing this I hope that I can ask for support in helping me raise enough so I can try and move out of an unhealthy situation into hopefully something better.  

And to be clear I'm not doing a kickstarter or gofund me. That’s just simply not something this warrants. I know have options and I know that all I need to do is to work much much harder than someone with a 9to5 in order to earn what I need. The only reason I decided to write this out is to share WHY your support is so incredibly important to me and why sharing my work to anyone you can is very essential to my livelihood. Right now, I am very far away from earning nearly enough on a monthly basis in order to move out within a year, but I'm hoping that can change for the better. I simply ask for those who support my work to continue to do so and for those who haven’t and are absolutely financially able to consider supporting my work and share it with anyone you know. Whether it’s commissions, store merch, Patreon rewards, ko-fi etc. Every tiny bit helps me so much!  

---------------------------- 

Here are the ways you can support me!

✪ Patreon: With the cheapest tier being 2$ a month you guys can get early access to all of my artwork a month in advance as well as other bonus content at the 2$ and above tier that is exclusive to patrons only. I have details about my rewards and goals on my Patreon that you don’t have to pay to view! Simply visit my homepage and browse through the rewards and bio to see if it interests you! 

✪ Ko-fi: I recently added a moving goal fund there which will show its progress with each kofi donation! The goal is ambitions and I don’t really expect to reach it but I wanted to just aim high and try and earn as much as I can. Also, I do sketch commissions there occasionally and may do other types of small commissions. So, if you’d like to support me while also getting something for yourself keep an eye out for my announcements on my twitter! 

✪ Commissions/adoptables: I’m going to officially be opening up my commissions soon but before that I wanted to try my hand at selling some adoptables! I’ll have more information about them after I finish up my current batch of commissions but I'm going to try and stick to those for now with some small YCH commissions sprinkled in between. After those though I’ll be opening up regular commissions again ^^ 

✪ Etsy:  I’m actually not sure If I'm going to keep my store up for much longer since I get charged a fee on each listing but before it closes you could help support me by buying merch from my store! 

-------------------------- 

And lastly, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read through this and for those who follow me/support me in any way that you can. Even your reblogs/retweets on my work mean so much to me and help me so much I could never fully express how much I’m thankful to have such an amazing and lovely following of people <3 Thank you for your time

#I honestly don't know what to tag this as #signal boost #aib's rambling #patreon #ko fi #ko fi donations #already want to delete this hhhh......

[changinglifewithbpd]

Backstory

Some people may think I have it easy and for the most part, I have for most of my life. But with having Borderline Personalities Disorder, I myself have made it difficult for myself. Not that I wanted to, it just happens. I go very irrational and tend to focus my energy on the wrong things instead of the right ones.

 Growing up I always had behavioral issues that just never seemed to go away. I have been in therapy since I was a little tyke, and I have had my episodes for as long as I can remember. I would always hold in all my feelings and then BOOM! they would all explode out all at once. My parents (mom and stepdad who is my dad in my heart, bio-dad is very out of the picture) tried everything that they could. From therapy, to cutting dairy out of my diet completely because they thought that would help calm me. They sent me to treatment for the first time when I was thirteen and treatment became my teen years. From Boystown to Residential Treatment Centers to Treatment Shelters and everything that they could to try and fix me. That led to a lot of bridges burning and lasting resentments.

 By the time I was 18, I had an apartment to my own, but my depression got ahold of me. I couldn't keep a job and living alone made the depression way worse. I couldn't keep up with the bills and I eventually went and lived back with my parents and sisters. It was good for a while but then I started getting into my dream of just traveling full time selling merch for bands. That just made everything worse since I didn't get my life correctly started first. I still have that dream, many people I know still ask for me to come out for a leg of different tours or do local gigs. Unfortunately, right now, I need to focus on getting my life on track before I can do anything big with the music scene again.

 I was still trying to live out my dreams, but still wasn't making enough money to support that. It tore more rips in my relationships with my family. And then I eventually snapped with everything around me going sour.

 My family decided to go to a football game with our favorite team and didn't ask me or even tell me until the day of. They took my sister's friend instead of me and you could say I was hurt and got really upset. I went to work that night and got ahold of some alcohol after from someone, considering I was only 20. I went home and started drinking. I was thinking "what am I going to do?" I had just lost my job (full time not seasonal one) and just got dumped. It seemed my family still didn't care about me after all the years of treatment and us trying to make those amends. My sisters were my half-sisters (from my stepdad) and they never called me their sister. It was heartbreaking and I was at a total loss in my life on what I should do. So, I decided I was going to kill myself. I was very much intoxicated and decided I was going to kill myself in a fire, in the house that my parents rented and be no more.

 I started the fire in multiple places, took some pills (which you're not supposed to mix with alcohol) and tried to fall asleep with the fire just starting. I must have dozed off because my phone went off and I saw it was almost dead. I didn't notice how much the fire had started and spread and I went downstairs to try and grab my charger and started to panic. I had a moment of complete soberness. The dogs were already outside before I started the fire, I didn't want my family to hate me that much for dying and burning everything, I thought if they lost the dogs too, they would never forgive me even if I was already dead. The fire was red, so red that it canceled out my anger enough to see clearly for the moment. I grabbed my phone ran out of the house and called 911. I tried to play it off that a space heater started the fire but then I cracked and admitted to it and had to go to jail.

 I got out a week later a rather large amount on bail. I then started to try and fix my life. I got on meds, started to see a therapist and was doing everything I could to have a job and keep it. I was sentenced to 3 years’ probation a few months later. I also had to pay restitution and go to many different classes. I was doing good for a short amount of time in my life. Then I turned 21... I had turned 21 before I was sentenced and was starting to rely on alcohol too much already. Even on probation, I was drinking. I know putting that public even though my real identity is hidden for the most part here, it is risky to post such things. But I am trying to be more accountable of myself and need to be more honest with myself and others.

 I had a good job at a bar and grill that was popular in my hometown. I loved it. But with more and more drinking it got harder and harder to keep sane with everything going on between probation and trying to be in school while working a full-time job. I was living with my grandparents trying to keep up with my dreams of touring, but still was failing no matter how hard I tried. That job had to let me go because of things not related to work but the image I was putting out for their company coming into work hungover, and I understand that more now than I did back then. I will be honest sober me is way better than binge drinking me. That is why I am taking this huge break from music and most of all drinking, to get my life on track. Maybe one day I will be able to drink again but maybe not as well. Whatever works out best for me.

 After I got let go of the bar and grill job, I got kicked out of my current living situation at my grandparents and was about to get kicked out of my other living situation as well. The night I left that place I got my first DUI because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had to dodge one car at my friend’s apartment and ended up on a grassed hill that I couldn't move off. I don't know if the cops were called or were just there but even though I wasn't driving at that moment I still got a DUI, still being on probation and in a different county.

 That made things a lot worse for me. I had to go on a continuous alcohol monitor, and they had to violate my probation. I started trying to better my life again and was doing a lot better sober. 2019 hit and for some reason I just could not keep a job. 2 jobs went out of business, one wasn't paying me for all the jobs and hard work I was doing, so I left them. And once I had a good job, I get arrested for another DUI, 2 days after I had finished everything for the other one. Almost a year apart from each other, but as well as in the same month that started all the hurt in the first place, the fire. I couldn't get out on bail, they violated me, and I had to spend a total of 85 days in two different jails. Not a lot compared to others. It has made me want to completely change my life around though.

 Here i am 4 days after getting out of jail and I have already started doing the things I would say I would do. There is a list, and I mean a big list of things I need to do but I will in time get there. Like I said in my

First Entry, this blog is to help me be accountable. To share what I have planned and how it is affecting my life. As well as, sharing what I have done that has helped me and try new things people suggest giving those thoughts of how they worked for me and how they may work for others. Not many people may care about this, but it is something I thought about to help me by helping others.

 I will go into more detail about my past and everything when it comes up but for now that is the current series of events of how my life has gone for a bit. It sucks but it’s what I need to do for a while to get myself on track. So I can have the best life ever for myself.

 This is my journey... jump along if you would like. Invite others, for I will be not only talking about mental health but recovery as well. We are a growing community, and as everyone keeps saying, you never know what is going to hit you and change your life forever. Maybe this blog will be my saving grace.

#mentalhealth #borderline personality disorder #blog

[a-functional-lowlife-blog]

8.11.19

So I’ve never really utilized anything other than a diary to jot down my daily feels, but something tells me I might find some comfort knowing that nobody can sneak into my room and read my journal. Tumblr seems like a good enough void to dump these thoughts into. Maybe it’s my psyche craving a positive outlet.. Id rather this be private, but sometimes connections supposed to help, right?  If topics of abuse, death, suicide, or depression trigger you, please do not continue reading. So I guess, let’s start from the top.

I’m 2X years old, & I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing with my life right now. I’m a gamer, & employed, But it’s not like I”m pursuing some great dream. I’m kind of coasting through life, trading experiences for fragments of myself. But I’m honestly rather content, at the moment. I make decent enough money. I can afford to shelter myself, feed myself, & entertain myself. So to some people, yeah it might look like i’ve had it pretty easy. In some ways, I have; in others, not really. 

It was just me & my mom growing up. Dad wasn’t around, & i don’t really want to get into that right now. My mom did everything she could for me. And I, of course being a growing hormonal boy, never truly appreciated it until I got into the real world. Thanks mom. She low-key prepared me for almost anything. I graduated high school, no special titles or accolades, but I could hear her screaming well above the entire stadium of parents when they called my name. I hope I can make her that proud again someday. I haven’t seen her in almost 4 years. Life can be a bitch like that once you’re an actual adult.

Since graduating high school, I’ve fathered a child, a little girl, who continues to blow my mind every day, with her brains & beauty. Damn, my ugly mug made one amazing little girl. Everything I do, I do for her. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. The mother & I are still on fantastic terms, but we separated a couple years after the birth. It just didn’t work as a healthy relationship anymore, & our daughter deserved better than that. 

After we parted ways, I got myself tangled up with a girl that, in hindsight, I should have never said hello to. Now don’t get me wrong, the first 2 years were truly magical. She was young, beautiful, petite body, alternative with piercings & tattoos. Which was basically me, young, rather handsome, fit body, alternative with piercings and tattoos. A match, it would seem, made in heaven. She made me feel alive again. She reinvigorated me to my soul, showed me new experiences I never could have imagined, or dared to do otherwise. I felt happy. Which for me, is a rather fleeting bird, one that’s typically driven away by the raven. It was just like a fairy-tale. We all know those aren’t real. I should have seen the warning signs. The “red flags” that everyone says I ignored. But red flags look like regular flags when looking through rose-tinted glass. If you’ve stumbled upon this by chance, & are triggered by abuse, or suicide, I suggest you stop reading now. 

It started out with little things. Roast-like insults, but sometimes they hurt a little more than they should. Which, obviously, led my mind to tell me “stop being so sensitive.” I’d let it slide. As we approached the 2 year mark, it started getting nastier. Her patience with me was very thin. The smallest error, like I forgot to pick up soda on the way home from my 10 hour shift once, led to me being belittled with insults to my intelligence & even attacks on my dedication to her. It only got worse as time went on. I silently cried myself to sleep most nights. My self-esteem was in an entirely different dimension by this point. I’ve become completely submissive to her. I looked at myself in the mirror one night, after doing things that I regret doing, and being disgusted in myself for letting it get so bad. For never stepping back up & standing my ground. I got us through homelessness. I had helped her get help because she had a severe mental illness that I will not put here. Her every wish, within my power, was my command. Why should I tolerate being treated like something stuck to the bottom of her shoe when kindness didn’t suit her?  So I did. That was the first time she hit me. Just once, open palmed to my left temple.

It didn’t stop. It got worse. I will not go into details, because almost 3 years later, I still panic when I try to think about those months. Most of my friends & family do not know how bad it got. And those that do, do not even know who she even was. It collapsed faster when I started to dissociate after multiple (thankfully) failed suicide attempts. I started cheating, trying to get her to leave me, since she wouldn’t allow me to leave her without threatening to kill herself. “You’re my soulmate, I won’t live without you.” She kept me in that state of submissive fear for another year, using the same lines. Using the same deflection tactics to make me question myself. All while calling me her “soul mate”. I hate that fucking word now. 

But I did finally get the courage to leave. In the middle of the night, a train ride back to my hometown. She tried to work back into my life a few times over the next 2 years. I eventually stopped talking to her, because she would always try to convince me to come back to her, that it can be different, that she’s willing to start over. So I stopped talking to her last year. And now, I can’t anymore, because last month, she killed herself. I honestly never stopped loving her. I can feel the hole where her energy used to be, the bits she contributed to my soul, snuffed out.. I blame myself for her suicide. And I hate that I fell in love with such a beautiful, toxic soul.

We can skip over the few fling relationships I held while in my hometown, except for one girl, who I will forever thank for showing me what a true loving, healthy relationship, based on trust and open communication can actually be like. We got into it knowing we were on a time limit, because I was already in the process of saving up to move again, this time, 3,000 miles away. But we had good chemistry, and I think the relationship was the perfect amount of time for both of us. She’s a LoZ girl. Major fan. As in, owns every game, tons of merch, follows tons of streamers on Twitch who play Legend of Zelda, especially if it’s Ocarina of Time. Coastal gamer girl is probably the best description of her. She’s still one of my best friends, & I talk to her on occasion. She’s super happy, and living a rather adventurous life. I’m super happy for her. 

Our fateful day came, and I had to move away. She comforted me during the entire packing process. Which literally filled 2 boxes I shipped to my new address, my military backpack, & a laptop case. It still resulted in 8 hours of back to back anxiety attacks. I only knew TWO people in the town where I was moving to. One of them, I had never physically met before in our entire 14 year friendship. So, rightfully, I was terrified to leave. I’d reconnected with old friends in my hometown. I’d met an amazing girl in my hometown. I’d landed a really fantastic job in the medical field in my hometown. What was I thinking?! Leave all of THIS?!

But I knew why. She knew why. Everyone in my life knew why. The answer was simple. Yeah, I had a good job, a good girl, & a relatively good life. But I wasn’t truly happy. In my soul. Just as I was in the states I’ve lived before. And that was okay. We had the perfect amount of happiness.

So here I am, in an undisclosed new location, three-thousand miles away from my hometown. And honestly, I’m happier here than I’ve ever been anywhere else. Do I see myself dying here? No, not really. But I could kick it here for a decade or so, if the fates allow my life that long? Sure. The best friend I’d never met before, is just as amazing in person. We play video games together now & then, and go out to the downtown bar scene sometimes for karaoke. There’s 3 roommates total. I enjoy being their roommate. Also, there’s 4 cats. who I absolutely love, and will contemplate posting their pictures here too, for memories sake.

I’ve made some really amazing friends, especially one girl in particular. She’s been very good to me, in many ways. Dinners, events, concerts, party weekend for my last birthday to pass. All while both of us just have a blast around each other. She’s helped me alot these last few months, everything from food to rent, while I struggled to find work, & get on my own two feet. I struggled for 5 months before I landed myself where I am now. So to celebrate, she & I went and got tattoos today.

I got a tattoo of the chemical structure of serotonin on my wrist. To remind myself to be happy, because I’ve already spent so much time being sad. And that I’m going to keep making myself happier, by staying true to myself, learning & growing from the events I’ve been through in my life, both good and bad. Creative, & destructive. Because it’s all molded me into who I am now.

So really without getting into childhood stories, high school shenanigans, & college hijinx, that’s the story of Z. A recent handle I’ve taken to lately, in case someone does decide to read this. I’d like to add to this little... off-site journal once a week, maybe more often.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I’m sufficiently stoned now, & would like to return to playing Apex Legends.

Signing off, 

Z

#journal #private #tw suicide #tw abuse #tw drugs #read at your own discretion #do not repost #venting

[miss-m-calling]

Shipoween 2020 letter

Canons requested: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Starred Up, Witchblade (TV)

Dear writer,

Hello and thank you for writing for me. I’m very excited to read whatever you come up with.

Without further ado…

Lenny Bruce/Miriam “Midge” Maisel/Susie Myerson

Lenny Bruce & Miriam “Midge” Maisel & Susie Myerson

Lenny Bruce/Miriam “Midge” Maisel & Miriam “Midge” Maisel/Susie Myerson

I’m here for Midge’s adventures in the intoxicating, foul-mouthed, and often-frustrating world of comedy, so her dynamic with Susie and Lenny is where it’s at. I just love the interactions between these three, and between every pair combination among them: Midge and Susie bantering and swearing and tits-upping even when they irritate each other, Midge and Lenny bringing the pathos as well as the humor, and Lenny and Susie both being hardened old pros with still a little glimmer of starry eyes. I am good with either V-shaped triad/poly or hey, Susie (whom I absolutely read as gay) might find a way to be good with a full-on triangle… If you want to keep it platonic, True Companions all the way, always there for each other, even when they want to strangle each other. And as much as I like the comedy inherent in the characters, I also love that they’re all three, each in their own way, messed up people and dysfunctional to various degrees. So yeah, I just want Midge to hand the kids over to her parents, ditch Joel once and for all, marry (interpret that as literally or as loosely as you want) both Susie and Lenny, and for the three of them to ride off into the sunset to make comedy history. Canon-specific DNWs: anything above M rating, pairing any two as a / couple with the third as a & hanger-on, and while Lenny can still be his RL messed-up, drugged-up self – albeit the gentler version the show gives us – it would be good if he didn’t kick the bucket a handful of years down the line.

Most of these prompts are from before S3 dropped – feel free to work with canon or diverge however you see fit, I am all caught up now:

-Does Susie manage them both? Does Midge open for Lenny on tour? Does he open for her??? Or they become equal stars on the comedy circuit?

-Maybe Lenny joins Shy Baldwin’s tour, or they run into him while touring Europe or the US, or after Shy fires Midge, Midge and Susie cobble together a Midge-only tour of America and keep crossing Lenny’s own touring path, and they all tool around, and yes I would love as much period detail and geography porn as you can throw at me. And while Lenny and Midge have seen the world, Susie hasn’t – her reaction to different foods, languages, customs, landscapes would be spectacular to witness. Especially if “different” is someplace as close to New York as Jersey or Connecticut, or someplace as far away and different as, say, Japan.

-If they do go to Europe, somehow or other they also tour the Soviet Bloc. Cue culture clashes, getting followed (or thinking they’re being followed) by the secret police, getting hammered on vodka and herring and pickles, and then when they get back to the States, the Feds grill them. It’s all dead serious, and Midge and Lenny refuse to take it as seriously as they should, while Susie is trying but the whole thing is really pissing her off…

-Lenny’s burned out, and Midge is just getting started. This dissonance may or may not find some sort of resolution. One thing’s for sure: Susie has limited patience for both Lenny’s depression and Midge’s need to make everything pretty.

-Instead of going to Joel for a no-way-is-that-closure fling after the Steve Allen Show taping, Midge goes to have a drink or seven with the two people who have, in their own ways, always been there for her and never let her down.

-Midge goes on TV again, this time as the star: longer set, prime time slot, dressing room, the works. She’s dying of nerves. Lenny and Susie coach her through it.

-More radio work to make ends meet in between gigs: hilaribad period ads, hilaribad radio drama, running all over town to be on time, getting paid in all kinds of dubious merch…

-Midge and Susie head out west to make it big and stay with Lenny once they’re in Los Angeles, and it’s marvelous (ha ha) and disastrous in equal measure.

-More of Susie being the hypercompetent manager we saw especially in S3! (And please don’t dwell on her gambling problem, I was not a fan.)

-They all three get drunk, maybe with a hint of sadness if it’s the holidays (you can ignore my DNW about holidays, but please let that be just the background, not the lynchpin of the story) or someone’s birthday, and there’s a bar fight, running from the cops, eating greasy food at ass o’clock, and possibly kissing, not necessarily in that order.

-One or two or all three of them get arrested/have court appearances all over America and have to bail each other out, or find someone to bail them all out, or secure legal counsel – you get the drift. Or all three of them are trying to explain to a single lawyer what happened, talking over each other, the two pros not being able to resist landing zingers and Susie not being far behind, and the lawyer just getting more and more confused.

-They get in trouble some other way – offended patrons, surly management, shitty hotels, tour bus breaks down in the middle of Wyoming – and have to have each other’s backs because no one else will.

-Three-person road trip or tour, and only Susie knows how to drive. So Midge decides to learn, right then and there. And Lenny… Lenny may or may not be too lazy/hungover/lying about not knowing how. There’s supposed to be a rotation so everyone gets to stretch out on the back seat for equal lengths of time, but you know the system doesn’t work too well in practice. Also, they play games in the car to while away the time, and they do it their own way of course: I spy, cows on my side, yellow car, never have I ever, 20 questions, or riffing on whatever’s playing on the radio…

-They sit down to watch the moon landing (you can move it up a bit so it’s not happening a whole decade after S2) – by which I mean, Midge is all gung-ho about the moon landing, and Lenny and Susie are like whatever – and things don’t quite go to plan, but a good time is eventually had by all.

-It’s Yom Kippur again, and Midge wants to do the whole production: synagogue, breaking fast, the lot. Lenny and Susie would rather eat glass. Midge gets her way, of course. Does she decide to bring Susie and Lenny home to meet – or meet properly – her parents??? I bet Abe and Rose’s reactions would be something to see. (This too is an exception to my DNW about holiday settings – I just want stuff to get as crazy as it did the two times we saw Yom Kippur celebrated on the show, and for everything to still somehow turn out relatively OK.)

-Midge and Lenny have cheered each other up when the going got extra rough. I want for Susie to be especially down in the dumps – maybe her boozehound of a mother died and Susie took it worse than she does in canon, maybe some asshole told her she’s a shit manager and got her right in her insecurities – and Midge to rope Lenny into trying to cheer her up. And for Susie to fight them every step of the way but still be glad they care enough to try.

-Inspired by Susie’s brother looking just like her, by which I mean she and he and their sister look nothing alike, and by Lenny’s “she’s my mother” quip about Midge at the TV studio and then his “let me introduce my wife or maybe my sister” in Miami – Midge, Susie, and Lenny pretend to all be blood relatives, or mafiosi, or spies, or something else they’re not, while out in public, say in a restaurant. Just to be assholes and see how long they can keep it going before they break character or people figure them out, or call the cops, or something. There’s totally a bet on who corpses and breaks character first. Or, nice hotels ca. 1960 weren’t very big on letting unmarried couples, let alone threesomes stay in rooms together – pretending to be family might make that easier; forgetting what they’re meant to be to each other, or mixing up their backstories might make it harder. Or they’re just trying to save money by only getting one room, there’s only one free room in the hotel, or any other screwball reason you can invent.

-Lenny and Midge do a (comeback) tour of the Borscht Belt, and all the Steiner Mountain Resort guests (especially the gossipy old hens from the beauty salon) and staff go to see them – and heckle.

-Stuff happens and they end up performing at some hole in the wall place where no one knows who they are (or no one believes it’s really those people they’ve seen on TV) – tough crowd, but a good workout for the two comics, and if Susie gets to threaten to rip off someone’s head, all the better.

-Lenny and Midge honing their routines – and maybe developing a double act – and Susie being all “oh my fucking god, what the fuck!!! … They’re actually good. I’m so proud.”

-Sharing a bed with two other people is an ongoing project: who sleeps (or refuses to sleep) in the middle? Who gets up during the night and why? Who starfishes across most of the bed? Who snores, and how does this get handled? If alcohol or pot have happened, how does that affect the sleeping arrangements? Also, Susie and Lenny witness and react to Midge’s beauty routine, ‘nuff said. Or, for various reasons one person after another ends up decamping to another room/bed/couch, but it doesn’t help them get much sleep or even stay there very long (this is inspired by my love of Shirley Jackson and her short story/humorous essay “The Night We All Had Grippe”). If you prefer to keep it platonic, most of this would work if they’re just sharing a double bedroom on tour (I leave the reason for why Lenny is bunking with the women up to you).

Starred Up (2013 movie)

Oliver Baumer/Eric Love

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell - yowza!

For this canon, my dubcon DNW does not apply.

Prompts:

-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.

-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.

-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.

-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.

-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.

-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.

-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.

-Role reversal: Oliver as the con (jittery, shut off, sticking out like a sore thumb in prison with all his fancy learning, yet no pushover) and Eric as the newbie counselor (kid from the wrong side of the tracks made good? Youthful hoodlum turned around his life, now trying to help others via tough love and lots of swearing and maybe a bit of manipulation when called for?)

Witchblade (TV) Sara Pezzini/Danny Woo

I used to love this show back in the day, and loved it again in all its hokey gloriousness when I rewatched it recently. Sara figuring things out and being a principled badass, but maybe out of her depth with the Witchblade, and her dynamic with Danny, whether he’s a ghost or alive, it’s all catnip to me. Sara is not extremely quippy, she has a job to do dammit! and don’t look at her vulnerable side, just don’t look at it!, and I love that about her (she’s much harsher in S1, after Danny’s death, than in S2); ditto that Danny is somewhat softer than she is, but still can hold his own thanksverymuch (well, when the plot doesn’t require him to get nabbed by bad guys) and has a bit of a deadpan snarker side too. I’d love something that plays around with their canon dynamic from either season, or uses canon as just a starting point. Some of my prompts lean dark or horror-y, so don’t be shy about going there; I’d also enjoy a story in which the Witchblade itself ends up not being very significant (say, they start to investigate a possibly mystical case and then nope, plain murder). Canon-specific DNW: Irons and any version of Nottingham appearing (you can mention them if you need to).

Prompts:

-The Witchblade is more parasitic than symbiotic, and instead of Sara learning to control it, its feeding on Sara affects her more and more over time. Or, the visions and dreams ramp up into full-blown paranoia and/or disassociation. The Witchblade’s POV, maybe (it is sentient)? Asking for help is the hardest thing for someone like Sara, but what are (more than) friends for? I’d also enjoy a dubcon scenario (exception to blanket DNW) where Sara really shouldn’t be having sex when her head is all messed up by the Witchblade’s influence, but… well… they do. The Witchblade canonically enjoys violence and bloodshed perpetrated by its wearers, so it stands to reason that it might lower other inhibitions too.

-Witchblade v. mythological monsters. In S1, even with everything else that’s going on, Sara absolutely scoffs at the possibility of vampires. So of course I want: Witchblade v. vampires! The scarier and more feral, the better. Or, it’s implied that the Witchblade was forged from a meteorite, so it’s basically an eldritch artefact from outer space. Yes, please lean all the way into the Lovecraftian tropes! (The moon is turning red, the Old Ones are back, it’s the end of the world as we know it, but Sara’s got her partner by her side.) Or something from Chinese mythology, so Danny can kick extra ass. Or, for a silly take on Chinese culture: Sara and Danny in the world of Big Trouble in Little China, another old fave of mine, the entire plot of which revolves around… a woman with green eyes and an unwanted connection to the supernatural.

-The Witchblade has a reputation for abandoning its wearers just when they need it the most. True to form, it slips off of Sara’s fist, leaving her and Danny to save themselves with good old-fashioned guns, fisticuffs, martial arts, and of course having each other’s back.

-More of the psychedelic-ness in many of Sara’s fight scenes, where now she’s a woman in a leather jacket with a gauntlet on her arm, now she’s a knight in armor! Now her opponent is human, now he’s a wolf-shaped spirit of evil and hatred! Playing around with the characters’ senses and perceptions – yes!

-Instead of seeing only Danny and needing him to play intermediary for Sara to talk to other ghosts, the Witchblade makes Sara see ghosts all over the place, and it’s getting to her. Ghost!Danny may or may not help with that. Or, ghost!Danny is basically always around, whether Sara can see him or not. He manifests when Sara is masturbating, and you can’t really feel guilty if the ghost of your dead partner whom you’ve always had a thing for helps you out, and anyway you’re probably going crazy and none of this is real, so it doesn’t count anyway… right?

-Case fic/stakeouts and banter. Flirting to pass the long and stressful days at work. Quick and guilty sex because Danny’s married. Slow and intense sex if handwave he’s not married but “oh noes we’re partners, we shouldn’t be doing this, but somehow we keep doing it anyway.” Hooking up in the car. I’ve always headcanoned that they had a thing pre-canon which ended for Reasons, but they both kinda wish it hadn’t, hence the hand kissing, and the “I can’t even touch you,” and the coffee bringing/stealing, etc. So feel free to play around with that.

-Undercover as married, undercover as a gangster and his moll (LOL at Sara as a moll, or have Sara as the gangster and Danny as her lieutenant/enforcer/arm candy), undercover as “they think we’re fucking, better fake it real good for the people listening in, oops shit got real fast, careful don’t say each other’s real name or you’ll blow your cover.”

-More timey-wimey shenanigans with the Witchblade. Maybe it allows Sara to manipulate time more than once. Maybe she starts doing it way too often, throwing the continuum out of whack (something non-linear would be very interesting). Maybe she and/or Danny remember some or all of what happened in S1. Something about all the multiverse versions of them, possibly splitting off from a dramatic moment. Time loops and feelings are a combustible mix.

-Apart from the super obvious shippiness, what I like about S1 especially is how Sara rolls with the weirdness the Witchblade has brought into her life, instead of reaching for rational explanations. More of that (I can’t think of a better way to put it), and double extra brownie points if alive!Danny figures out at least some of what’s going on with Sara’s bracelet and somehow gets in on the action. Maybe a Danny saves the day divergence? Or how about a loophole that allows a man close to the Witchblade’s wearer to wield it temporarily, but There Is a Price to Pay.

Likes:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love stories about characters at work and play, group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, etc.

I love irony, snark, humor as well as angst arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in, linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories, hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, worldbuilding, competence, spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who can get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), oh-god-why-did-it-have-to-be-you-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this, bickering yet loving couples, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping. A dynamic I cannot resist is shipping a couple who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, one betrayed the other or they betrayed each other), and while they love and want each other they’re also not willing to change sides or surrender/compromise their identity for the other’s benefit, and how they might (or not) make their relationship work anyway.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it-hammer-and-tongs, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. When it fits the characters and their canon dynamic, you also can’t go wrong with we-both-wanted-this-for-forever-and-now-we-both-know-it-so-here-we-go-diving-in-headfirst. For het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.

DNWs:

MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, kinks, incest, underage, genderswap/genderbent characters, xeno, non-/dub-con, torture and abuse (this and non-/dub-con can be mentioned if the story needs it, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it), dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore/blood and come are fine), toilet humor, character bashing, issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons, unrequested ships, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (meaning my requested characters being or staying dead by story’s end), serious illness or injury, pregnancy and children, holiday or wedding setting/theme, secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job, reference to RL current events, 1st/2nd person POV, unrequested crossovers or fusions, AUs which have nothing to do with canon

#dear author letter #shipoween 2020

[mistsinthenight]

This is long and personal, I'm sorry, I just had to get it out. Writing it like this and putting it out where it could be seen helps. I don't know why, but it helps.

It seems I am even less emotionally stable than I thought. I am sitting at the history section in the college library, because it was the most empty one in this floor. I came here specifically because of that. I needed a place with relative privacy so I could break down (a bathroom stall would make it hard to breath after a while, without AC). It's been building up for around two and a half hours. It doesn't even make sense, for me to be like this. It was not so bad, probably, and it's not like I didn't see it coming. I knew I was getting worse, I just hadn't realized it came to that point. So what happened is that I got a talk from my boss saying I have to improve my social skills immediately. Communicate better, speak louder, and basically be more sociable. He also said people found it hard to talk to me and that sometimes I gave harsh answers (which I don't remember happening but both me not realizing and doing it in the first place are probably because of the sleep deprivation - I get like that when I'm tired. I just hadn't realized it was happening at work). It's not such a big deal, right? I've been like that all my life. Except he had to take the time to point it out and demand that I fix it. And he's right. It's not good that I am like this. It's bad, actually. But I don't know how to be any different. You can ask me to be more sociable, but how do I do that? What does that entail? If I Google "how to be more communicative" I'll get answers telling me to "speak my mind" and "don't be afraid of what others will say" and shit like that. That doesn't help me, damn. When people are talking, I know I'm expected to contribute, say something, state my opinion, but I don't have one, usually. I don't know what to say. I never know what to say. I can't strike conversation, I can't keep conversation going. I can monologue for an hour about something I'm passionate about, if there's the right environment, but doing that with other people? I can't. I don't know how to. I know these people skills are something I have to develop, that I won't be able to stay at any job without them. It has to happen, but how do I make it happen? When I start thinking that "this has to happen, I have to do this, be like this", the opposite occurs. I need someone to tell me exactly what to do, how to act, how to behave, because I can't figure it out on my own. I need help. But what kind of help? From whom? And I know it could be much worse, who am I to talk about this, I don't have real issues, but it still has me a mess in the back of a library, hiding between the bookshelves. I have class in 90 minutes and I'll have to get out of here before that to get something to eat and splash cold water on my face. I've been here almost 40 minutes and I calm down for a while, but later it starts anew. Two times I've cried and I'm calmer right now, but I still feel like the wrong line of thought will get me crying again. I am supposed to figure my shit out today and come to work bouncing tomorrow, suddenly a different person. Is the impression I got from what I was told. How would I ever be able to pull that off? Ah, I'm crying again. I just started thinking that I feel lonely. I am usually surrounded by people, daily, but there's no one I'm close to. My group of friends from high school is growing apart, we've been growing apart since the end of classes in December 2015, we barely talk anymore, we rarely meet. When I try to initiate a conversation in our group chat no one answers, or one person does, and it doesn't go further. I miss them so much, I miss what we had, seeing each other everyday for four years. How do I keep friendships from falling apart? I know it's happening because of the distance, at least mostly. We live in different cities and work and study, there's no time for anything else, it's not just me, or is it? Do they want to keep this? I don't know. I miss what it was like with Jade Eagle, in Guild Wars 2. I joined them in the end of 2014. That's two and a half years ago. There were 13 members, including me. Since then, we grew fast, and today we have (or had, when I last logged in a few weeks ago) just short of 100 members. I don't know most of them. I know the older crew, the guild leaders and officers and senior members, but there are so many strangers now. And guild chat is dead, most of the time I was online. It used to, but it doesn't feel like home anymore. Hasn't for a long time. To be honest, hasn't since I took a five month hiatus starting in May last year, at least. That was the time I joined Lumia, in FFXIV. We have always been small, and happy to stay that way. We're close. I was close to them. It felt like family. It felt /right/, like I belonged. But now I haven't really talked to anyone since college started, because I don't have the time to play anything anymore. What I did with Dragon Age already took it's toll on my studies. I haven't played FFXIV in a month, at least, and I miss Lumia so much. We have a discord channel, and it's pretty active, but I don't usually talk there. I can talk with them in game, it feels natural, but outside it's not the same for me. If I start or join a discussion, or something, it doesn't take long for me to not know what to say, and I fall silent. That happens much less often if I'm talking to someone in game, and that's probably because then we're talking more about the game. Why am I like this? I miss them, and I have a viable method of communication at all times, with my phone, but I don't use it. It's getting dark outside. I got distracted talking about that. Back to the point, where do I even start looking? What am I supposed to do? What's it gonna be like tomorrow, when I have to go back to work and have figured my shit out, but probably didn't? My internship from high school (which had a technical course, I studied electrotechnics) is over, and I'm going to continue as an intern, but through college, since the areas match and I could do it. It wasn't their plan, though. They wanted to hire me to work 8 (actually nearly 9) hours a day, and it wouldn't be manageable while doing 5 classes this semester, which is why I asked for that. Several times after college started I thought that I'd quit after these 6 months are over, in September, but today I made a decision. I am going​ to quit then. I even know exactly how to justify it, and it will be true (it is true), but my main reason is that I can't take it anymore. I hadn't actually thought about what quitting would entail, but today I did. I won't even look for another job this year, I'll wait until 2018. And I know that it could - and probably will - be worse, if I manage to get one. But I knew this was not something I was going to do indefinitely, and that I probably wouldn't be able to stay for over a year. What quitting means, for me, is that I won't have a personal income anymore. My parents are paying for my tuition, for which I'll be eternally grateful, and so I hate to take their money for anything else. I've been buying a lot of stuff that resonates with my core, and fan merch. That'll have to stop, immediately. If I save as much as possible, I could have around R$5000 by the end of this new internship. That's around $1600. It could pay for a bit more than two months of college, five classes, but not three months. I've no idea how long it would last if I didn't help pay for my tuition and used it for the rest of the things I need, though. But it would probably be less than I'm spending daily right now, if only because I'd eat mostly at home, while I don't work. I realize I'm getting to logistics I shouldn't really be sharing, but it calms me, to write everything I'm thinking about. Remnants of the days I used to write, perhaps. (Back at 2011/2012 I used to be a part of some RPG forums, RPGs where everything is written, and the story builds step after step. I grew out of it.) I didn't look up anything I was supposed to - how do I become more communicative? More sociable? Better to be around and talk to? - but I feel more stable, now. I think I'm ready to go outside. I would say I'm sorry about dumping all this on you, if there's even anyone who would read everything, but I'm not. Writing made me feel better and I wrote it thinking about sharing it, so it would've been a waste of time if I don't.

#personal

[hubcitylandscaping]

Our 2019 Trailer Setup For Lawn Care!! ► Revealing The New Exmark Staris Mower

Alrighty guys this is our 2019 lawn care trailer setup that a lot of you were asking to see! This setup also includes the 2019 Exmark Staris stand on mower that we’ll be using this summer, as well as a few other upgrades to the equipment line up.

I know these lawn care trailer setup videos are really popular for us in the lawn care community, lord knows I love watching all of your guys’! I watched a ton of these way before we had a YouTube channel, and was always encouraged by the idea of having a baller setup one day!

By no means are we here to brag or anything of the like with our current setup. This is just the progress we’ve made over the last few years, and hopefully it just gives you guys some ideas as well on what you can build out and expand your business too. A lot of you guys have much larger setup’s and equipment at your disposal, so trust me when I say, I’m not in competition with any of ya’ll, ha!

Are you guys making some upgrades to your equipment line up this year? Any new purchases like mowers, trucks, or hand tools? Feel free to leave a comment down below, I’d love to hear what your guys’ 2019 trailer setup looks like!

Keep Up With Us!

► Subscribe To Our Channel: http://tinyurl.com/jjtlsb8 ► Smash The Bell To Be Part Of Notification Squad! ► Follow Us on Instagram: http://tinyurl.com/jbf9y7p

Want To Send Us A Product Or Piece Of Equipment To Review? Email Us: [email protected]

**Brian’s Lawn Maintenance is powered by Yardbook.com**

Check out these other favorite videos from Brian’s Lawn Maintenance!

►Making Moves! ► Picking Up Brandon’s New 7×14 Sure Trac Dump Trailer https://bit.ly/2T5eHX5

►Blower Wars 3.0! Testing The New STIHL BR800 & ECHO PB-8010

►MY 10 YEAR CHALLENGE – Showing Photos Of My Very FIRST Lawn Care Setup https://bit.ly/2XzPVwS

► Check Out Our Second Channel! Our Daily-ish Behind The Scenes Vlog Channel! Fullerton Party Of Two!** https://tinyurl.com/ybqwo4as ________________________________________________________

Hope you guys are enjoying the videos and the channel. It’s awesome getting to create content for you guys. I truly hope our videos entertain and provide benefit to you guys with your businesses. If you’d like to support our channel, the best way to help us monetarily is by using our affiliates links and purchasing your gear online with us through our online partners. Don’t forget to save money with our promo codes down below as well! Thank you again in advance for the support. ***Visit the Lawntrepreneur Academy for Training Programs To Start A Lawn Care Business Of Your Own!*** https://bit.ly/2GAhAbM

***NEW MERCH!*** *Lawntrepreneur T-Shirt and More!* https://teespring.com/stores/brians-lawn-maintenance

***Like The Products We Use In The Vlogs? Check Them Out In Our Store!*** https://www.amazon.com/shop/brianslawnmaintenance

Our Affiliate Partners: www.EquipmentDefender.com (Brians10 Save 10%) www.KujoYardwear.com (Brians10 Save 10%+Free Shipping!) www.ISOTunesaudio.com (Brians10 Save $10!) www.ProvenLocks.com (Brians10 Save 10%) www.Sprayers-Plus.com (BriansLawn3Ship) (Free Shipping) www.VoltHeat.com (Brians10 Save 10%) ______________________________________________ Thank you for watching! If you enjoyed this video, please shoot it a big Thumbs UP and LIKE! If you haven’t done it already, make sure you SUBSCRIBE! That way you can get the latest and greatest when our newest videos release!

from Hub City Landscaping Blog https://blog.hubcitylandscaping.com/2019/05/02/our-2019-trailer-setup-for-lawn-care-%e2%96%ba-revealing-the-new-exmark-staris-mower/

[hubcitylandscaping]

How To Earn COMMERCIAL Lawn Care Work – 6 Tips That Have Worked For Me!

I wanted to share with you guys 6 practical tips for earning more commercial lawn care work, and what I have found to work the best for my own business. I know one of the biggest questions I get is: how do we earn commercial lawn care work.

Let’s take the guessing game out of the equation and put pen to paper about the actual process to get commercial work. This is based on my experience and what has worked best for me. Every business, company, and commercial job site is different, no doubting that. But no matter the site, the process to earn the work is pretty similar.

I’ve found over the last 3-4 years since we’ve been bidding and earning commercial work, these tips have worked for me. I just wanted to pass the information along, and try to take some of the mystery out of how to earn more commercial work!

Were these tips helpful for you guys? Did we miss anything, or any other tips you’d like to add? Let me know in the comment section down below!

Keep Up With Us!

► Subscribe To Our Channel: http://tinyurl.com/jjtlsb8 ► Smash The Bell To Be Part Of Notification Squad! ► Follow Us on Instagram: http://tinyurl.com/jbf9y7p

Want To Send Us A Product Or Piece Of Equipment To Review? Email Us: [email protected]

**Brian’s Lawn Maintenance is powered by Yardbook.com**

Check out these other favorite videos from Brian’s Lawn Maintenance!

►Making Moves! ► Picking Up Brandon’s New 7×14 Sure Trac Dump Trailer https://bit.ly/2T5eHX5

►Blower Wars 3.0! Testing The New STIHL BR800 & ECHO PB-8010

►MY 10 YEAR CHALLENGE – Showing Photos Of My Very FIRST Lawn Care Setup https://bit.ly/2XzPVwS

► Check Out Our Second Channel! Our Daily-ish Behind The Scenes Vlog Channel! Fullerton Party Of Two!** https://tinyurl.com/ybqwo4as ________________________________________________________

Hope you guys are enjoying the videos and the channel. It’s awesome getting to create content for you guys. I truly hope our videos entertain and provide benefit to you guys with your businesses. If you’d like to support our channel, the best way to help us monetarily is by using our affiliates links and purchasing your gear online with us through our online partners. Don’t forget to save money with our promo codes down below as well! Thank you again in advance for the support. ***Visit the Lawntrepreneur Academy for Training Programs To Start A Lawn Care Business Of Your Own!*** https://bit.ly/2GAhAbM

***NEW MERCH!*** *Lawntrepreneur T-Shirt and More!* https://teespring.com/stores/brians-lawn-maintenance

***Like The Products We Use In The Vlogs? Check Them Out In Our Store!*** https://www.amazon.com/shop/brianslawnmaintenance

Our Affiliate Partners: www.EquipmentDefender.com (Brians10 Save 10%) www.KujoYardwear.com (Brians10 Save 10%+Free Shipping!) www.ISOTunesaudio.com (Brians10 Save $10!) www.ProvenLocks.com (Brians10 Save 10%) www.Sprayers-Plus.com (BriansLawn3Ship) (Free Shipping) www.VoltHeat.com (Brians10 Save 10%) ______________________________________________ Thank you for watching! If you enjoyed this video, please shoot it a big Thumbs UP and LIKE! If you haven’t done it already, make sure you SUBSCRIBE! That way you can get the latest and greatest when our newest videos release!

from Hub City Landscaping Blog https://blog.hubcitylandscaping.com/2019/04/09/how-to-earn-commercial-lawn-care-work-6-tips-that-have-worked-for-me/