#scared of everything

[xashtray]

I'm scared to have friends, to have romantic partners, to just have someone beside me. I'm scared that they will only leave and abandon me, only leave bruises, scars, and pain. I'm scared that I'll get too close, get too attached to them, being dependent on them, and come off as clingy or weird or whatever. I'm scared that if I open up they will use my flaws against me. I'm scared that they will hate me for being myself, hate me for anything i do and hate me for no reasons. I'm scared to find myself being alone and lonely if they're not here with me, because I'm supposed to be okay with my loneliness. I'm scared, too scared to let someone in. too scared just to even type out a text, give a call, or even start a convo, to reach out for someone. to ask someone to be my friend, to be here for me, to be here with me, to listen to me, to have fun with me, anything they could do with and for me. because I have assumed they will leave as soon as they walk into my life.

#personal #fear of being alone #fear of rejection #fear of abandonment #fear of intimacy #avoidant #anxious #disorganized #kinda depressing #self destruction #depressing shit #self isolation #scared of everything #scared of people #sadnees #d3pression #alone #lonely #i am lonely #loneliness #lonesome #i am not okay #this is depressing #vent #personal vent #pushing away #push away #borderline #mentally unstable

[jupiter-moonchild]

I feel this all the way down to my pikachu socks 🥺

When I was a little kid, I remember my mum saying to someone that I was shy.

I wasn't shy, I was fucking terrified of everyone, everything and everywhere that wasn't my house.

We didn't have a phone in the house for many years and when I was 13 my dad got a landline installed.

All was fine for a while, I didn't use the phone as I only had one singular friend and she lived just 12 houses away from me. She didn't have a landline phone either. I would just run down the road to her house, knock on the door and ask her mum if Helen was in. So I had no need to use the phone.

Then the calls started. At first it only affected mum. Someone would ring the house phone and just say nothing. She could hear them shuffling their feet in the booth of a payphone.

This was back when anyone could find your number in the phone book. If they knew your name they could get your number and address.

I picked up the phone when it was ringing one time. The man on the phone was breathing hard and said the most vile things. I slammed the phone down and ran to my dad. He typed the 1471 code into the phone, rang the number and after a few rings a lady answered the phone. She told us it was a payphone. The payphone that was situated just around the corner from our house.

This freaked us out. This was the 80s, we didn't have cctv.

Dad changed our number and asked to be X directory. This meant they couldn't get our number from a book anymore.

The trouble stopped, I'm guessing he picked another number from the book and hassled someone else.

Years later, I'm grown up living in my own house, my best friend lives in the same house with me, and we start getting weirdo phone calls. It went on for months.

When we moved I decided to not get a phone at the new place. I went for 7 years with no phone. It was awesome.

Fast forward to the 90s and I still had no land line but my dad wanted to be able to contact me. The rest of the family had mobile phones, my best friend had a landline, I was still refusing to have a phone because of my fears.

He got me a pager. 🙄 Against my will I had to carry it around so my dad could page me. I would then have to walk to a payphone to ring him. We had a good system, I would ring the house phone and drop the call and he would ring straight back so I didn't have to pay.

Then my brother got a mobile phone and convinced me to get the exact same phone because normally a text cost 12 pence but between these phones it was 5 pence.

This was also back when one network couldn't ring another network so we all got BT phones, which later became O2.

Over the years I've realised that I really don't like talking to strangers on the phone. I even feel anxious trying to make appointments for the Dr.

The worst ones are when I psyche myself up to make an important call only to be met with the automated system. "If you want blah please press 1"

I have maybe 10 minutes of what I call "bravery battery" to use and they waste half of it with their circle pit of despair. When someone finally picks up the call it's like a jump scare and I immediately want to throw up.

Incoming calls are even worse. My heart rate skyrockets as soon as the land line starts ringing. Most times it's Helen, but on the times it isn't my stomach drops and my brain freezes.

I don't think my relationship with phones will ever improve now. I'm fine with texts, emails, msgs through the apps, as they give me time to process the information before requiring action but phone calls are not my favourite thing.

So yeah, Mr Frodo. I feel ya.

#introvert #socially awkward #social anxiety #scared of everything #alwayskeepfighting #my life is just turmoil

[insignificantfailure]

dunno about you but I'm terrified of the washing machine, the stove, the oven, the heating thingy

no reason for this post, just some perks of living with generalised anxiety: my heart will burst out of my chest if I hear one whir

maybe I should make a list of more "unreasonable" things I'm afraid of:

when the neighbours make any sounds, I think in my head that I did something wrong (like being too loud) and they're being loud of purpose because they're mad

when the door ring starts going even though we're not expecting anyone, gosh I feel like an animal in the wild and I go tiptoeing to hide in the bedroom

when we're about to leave the house and I have to check the oven ~four times to make sure! it's off, I do a little funny thing with my fingers: so there are five buttons, and I use one finger for one button back and forth like a dance, four times in total (two forwards, two backwards), but it only needs to touch my fingertips because if I mess up I have to start again. more often than not I make my girlfriend check as well because I can't trust myself

when I hear the electricity at night and I'm afraid we'll die in our sleep from something going boom

when we turn on the gas thingy for the heating and I have to stand next to it for at least a few minutes to ensure the sound is smooth which can then put my mind at ease that we won't explode and die, only then I can go back to the bedroom

I have to go watch the washing machine every few minutes to make sure it won't go moving which could cause a water leak while it's still running which means I could die from being electrocu-, gahhh this is so stupid

I KNOW none of these will happen, what are the odds... but I'm constantly afraid. I've been living away from my parents house for six years now, you'd think I'd be used to handling everything by now

honestly if my girlfriend wasn't around to help, comfort, and reassure me I'd go totally insane

#personal #vent #tw anxiety #tw anxeity #tw anxious #generalized anxiety disorder #anxienty #anxitey #i'm a loser #scared of everything #see this is why I think I might also ve neurodivergent #neurodivergent #? #ocd I have for sure #actually ocd #ocd #fear of death

[etrocain]

Could you love me while I hate myself? Recreation of the scared of everything by zeph album cover using grass and foliage brushes on procreate.

#scared of everything #procreate #digital art #digital painting #art support

[blckdairycattle]

I was a child and I was back there again, In my childhood home, before everything went to shit, and I was young and carefree and I was happy and hopeful until I grew up and I am not anymore..

#childhood #depressing shit #tw depressing stuff #inner child #i miss my childhood #tw depressing thoughts #unhappiness #time marches on #scared of the future #scared of everything

[sweetprincexiang]

Another piece of art that I like might have given up on a little bit, but it’s also vent art. I want to improve on it more.

#vent art #vent #oc #sad #idk man #ftm artist #i'm scared #scared of everything #art #digital art

[forecast-rain]

I really wasn’t a good friend before huh

#cloud posts #I'm looking through some of my old discord messages and... #damn #I was really struggling back then. #(a year ago) #I was just... a volotile mass of emotions #ready to explode at any moment #and hurt the people I cared about #scared of everything #of myself #there were just so many compounding factors... #man. #I was. really not doing well back then. #just... wow #I am so sorry to anyone who knew me back then #I tried but I was just... #I knew my emotions were volatile #and combined with so many other factors... #I hurt people #and I knew I did too and I felt awful about it but... #...man. #man... #it's... honestly amazing how much better I'm doing now than last year. #I was right... I really did need to start going to the counsellor lol #*the school counsellor #and learn how conversations work #cause by god I'm doing so much better now #it's incredible #I wonder how many factors played into each part...? #hmm...

[hantu-burung]

every image of a tawny frogmouth is perfection. i've never seen a single picture of a tawny that dissapoints.

#they're stunning. theyre dignified. theyre old and scruffly. they're invisble. theyre adorable. theyre sillygoofy. #theyre adorably grouchy. theyre full of love. theyre ugly as hell. theyre gorgeous. theyre scared little animals. theyre wise storytellers. #and i genuinely am not saying this to be XD quirkyty or anything but. podargus strigoides is the cutest latin name i've EVER heard. #theyre perfect. everything to me. make me smile in the darkest of times #tawnies

[lupilusblog]

"Why, oh why does god hate me?"

~RX (Medicate), Theory of a Deadman

#mein leben #meine gefühle #meine welt #age regressor #my thougts #words #im so scared #cant sleep #no sleep #scared #angst #lost light #loch #my life #music #scared of people #blog of feelings #scared of everything #tears

[xashtray]

you say you built up walls. baby, i built myself up a whole goddamn house

#personal #xashtray #mental breakdown #mentally unstable #mentally fucked #trust issues #depressing shit #kinda depressing #this is depressing #tw depressing stuff #mentally ill #self destruction #i really wish i was someone else #personal rant #anxious #push away #disorganized #depressed #destruction #scared of everything #mentally exhausted #sick of everything #everyone leaves #i hate everything #i hate this #trauma #song lyrics

[banitsabby]

my new favourite song 🥺 Scared of Everything - Zeph

#zeph #scared of everything

[avavolturi]

Do people post a lot of face reveals here? Just curious.

#face reveal #should i or should i not #scared of everything

[microwave-core]

what do you mean the green rain has arrived???

#stardew valley #green rain #sdv 1.6 spoilers #this event is kind of everything to me #it just comes out of no where without explanation #and gus' letter just like 'saloon is open to anyone who is scared shitless' just made the atmosphere so bizarre #i love green rain tho mmmm moss #so much moss...

[sergle]

underrated thing I enjoy is when a tv show needs to have a rat in a scene, and it’s supposed to be like. a wild nasty ass scary rat, but obviously they’re using someone’s beautiful chubby clean trained pet rat. occasionally it looks like they put some coconut oil or something on its fur to make it look grubby. just a little something for me.

#really really enjoy #and it's got like a sweet face and everything #and actors have to pretend to be scared of it #idk I just like it #sergle answers

[99-devilz]

my friend called v1 lame so i made this in response. blood thirsty war robot cries like booboo idiot and is dangled like sobbing wet pathetic creature

#this is kinda stupid so im only poasting on tumblr #im scared of my 100+ new followers on twit from my stupid goober animation #ultrakill #ultrakill v1 #ultrakill gabriel #ultrakill shitpost #this was also semi made in response to those posts of hakita holding v1 like cattus #i thot they were funne.... #i also want to hold the little machine like creature!!! #its so small compared to everything else in garm....

[egophiliac]

Tl;Dr - I stopped playing the game but I like the characters and I wanna draw them but idk if the wiki I use is up to date for cards

Do u know any wikis that have up to date cards for all the twst characters-

Asking specifically bc of Malleus cause I can't tell anymore if he has any more new cards bc HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A 100 DISNEY ANIVERSARY CARD IN THE WIKI I USE 😭

Like compared to everyone else in Disanomia, he has 12 cards (in the wiki I use) and then Lilia has 17 cards 💀

Cause I think Malleus has a Bean's Day card as well, but that could just be a fanmade one, I don't have JP twst nor ENG twst anymore so I can't confirm it myself urhghrhevw 🫠

Malleus doesn't have a Beans Day card, so that would've been fanmade! and the 100 anniversary cards are actually the new round of birthday cards, so most of the characters don't have 'em yet -- Malleus should be getting his in a couple of days, when his birthday event starts! oh god my keeeeeys

I think the wiki.gg stays pretty up to date? it looks to me like they have everything that's currently up through JP, at least. :O I did go through and do a quick count just because I couldn't believe Malleus only had 12 cards, but. he really does have the least...defeated only by Silver with 13...astonishing. we need his gargoyle club wear immediately.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #...maybe? tenuously? i have no idea #i think lilia and floyd are tied for the most at 18 each #twst loves the chaotic gremlins #granted card quantity is separate from card rarity/significance/whatever #i remember all of us losing our minds when vargas camp 2 came out and trey FINALLY got an event ssr after a million years #anyway i am looking forward to the upcoming magift cards and all don't get me wrong #but i am VERY VERY excited to see what the gargoyle club wear looks like #i NEED to 1) know what malleus thinks gargoyle fashion is and 2) see him in it #jade is also in a weird club by himself but at least that. y'know. has a gear theme and everything. #tangentially i do sometimes think about the fact that malleus and jade are both in single-member clubs #despite how in...i think lilia's robes story the music club was in danger of disbanding because they only had three members #although i do genuinely believe that crowley is too scared of both jade and malleus to tell them they can't have their clubs #so y'know. it tracks.