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mrsnancywheeler · 4 months

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the lakes (12) // finnick odair x f. reader

summary: it's supposed to be over, you and Finnick are supposed to spend the rest of your lives helping each other heal. living as peacefully as possible, but the the third quarter quell throws a wrench in your domestic bliss.

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7.9k words

warnings: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, extreme mental health issues, suicidal ideations, gore/violence/death, self-hate, allusions to trafficking, use of explicit language, more angst, mentions of vomiting, dissociation, terms of endearment, unedited, no use of y/n, a codependent couple with a shared savior complex, paranoia

When you'd realized the monkey mutts had stopped where the beach began you wanted to collapse into the sand in relief. All you could do was stare on as Peeta tried to comfort the Morphling woman who'd sacrificed herself for him before her body was raised from the waters. Even if Plutarch was supposedly in on the plan, it seemed like the arena couldn't wait to kill you all off as soon as possible. The conversation switched to finding food, another thing your brain couldn't care less about. You supposed you should be from all the running, fighting, and sweating, but you just had a huge pit in your stomach as you thought about how Finnick could have died not long ago.

It had always been a possibility that you were very consciously aware of, but the imminent threat wasn't really present. You had no qualms that he would be able to protect himself, yet he hadn't been able to when the fog came rolling in. Well, he would have been able too if hadn't come to Peeta's rescue, but to get out, that was a requirement. Adrenaline has kept you going after that, when the monkeys attacked, but the dread filling you now was like lead.

“Hey," One of Finnick's warm, calloused hands cupped your face, “What's going on, sweet girl?" His face had that endearing always somewhat cocky smirk on it that was a permanent source of comfort in your life. But you just stared at him, at those ocean eyes you would drown in if given the chance. The look in his eyes shifted to one of higher concern, “Are you hurt?" He looked up and down your figure, looking for sounds, tilting your head to see the back, looking for signs of infection and grew more concerned when he found nothing to send off alarms. “Angel, you gotta tell me what's wrong." He urged.

You tried to blink yourself out of your stupor, "Nothing just wanna be with you.”

"You are with me.”

"Yeah I know.” He looked at you suspiciously, but knew better than to push. You grabbed this hand and he squeezed it, pulling you along as he went on his search for oysters. When he was sure he found a spot and began his digging you sat down in the water. Letting the soft waves ripple across your legs, if you closed your eyes you could pretend to be home again, this was so similar.

“I'd never leave you alone, you know?" Finnick's voice brought you back from the fantasy and you looked at him quizzically. He was still digging through different areas, of course the oysters were in such unnatural places, that was a reminder of how fake the fantasy was. "I'd always come back to you. You don't have to worry about me leaving you behind, or making you feel abandoned.” You looked away, staring at the glistening waters once again. There was no words you could think of to say, you wondered if you were still in shock, it felt nothing like how it had been described, but maybe this was all some weird, fucked up trauma response the universe had left you with as further punishment. Your mind was blank of anything other than how he, your amazing, smug, caring, generous, loving Finnick could actually be taken from this world and it would keep on spinning without him. Then his hand grabbed yours once again and he effortlessly pulled you from the water to walk with him back to Katniss and Peeta.

You laid your head on Finnick's shoulder as everyone began to eat. He opened one of the oysters up and offered it to you, but you just shook your head. There was no room for hunger, no room for anything except trepidation.

He shook his head back at you, “You need to eat." Finnick offered it back to you, he was so bossy and it made you love him even more.

“I'm not hungry, Finn." You knew you were exposing yourself with the nickname, which you only used when you felt most vulnerable, but it slid off your tongue so easily in the moment.

“You're gonna talk to me now?" He asked playfully, trying to lighten the load. You scowled at him, lightheartedly elbowing him in his side and he laughed.

“You're so mean to me." You burrowed your head back into his shoulder.

He scoffed, “I just put all my effort into a monologue of my devotion to you and then you decided staring at the waters which are in front of us all the time was more interesting.”

He was right of course even if it was all in jest, but you weren't going to let him win regardless of that fact. “It was hardly a monologue-" He turned to you abruptly, you frowned when your head lost contact with your shoulder but he grabbed your hands in his.

“I don't understand why you have cared about and loved me so deeply, except in the way that I know that's how I feel about you. You being here is the bane of my existence because I know that there isn't a day I could live without seeing your smile or sweet domesticity. You don't understand why I want to protect you so badly, but it's the same way you want to protect me. There isn't a universe where I could leave you when I know you need me, I married you as a promise that I would always return to you, protect you even if you're stubborn and here anyways. Death couldn't part me from a world that you were still in.” His sea green eyes were so serious and it did reverberate within your heart, but you still let yourself laugh.

"You are such a sweet-talker.” You announced with an eye roll, knowing he was right about how you felt. Except maybe selfishly if death parted the two of you, the only assumption you had made was he'd find someone else, some other smarter, braver, prettier partner who only couldn't compare to you in their adoration of him, but maybe that was a stretch as well.

“And you are impossible to please." He quickly packed your lips which left your yearning for his honey-dripping lips for seconds longer, if you suffocated with them on your own it would be the happiest you'd ever be. “Now eat, my love." You could melt into the sand thinking about how this man would pour out a heartfelt monologue just for you to leave your head long enough to eat, he was perfect, there would never be anyone else like him, and there never had been. He was it for you.

Screams interrupted your thoughts and you instantly stood up, “That's new." Peeta said as he rose as well, you all stood, staring across the beach where water seemed to be overflowing a portion of the jungle. Flooding that rushed from the trees and was so tall it was as high as the Cornucopia that bounced against, leaving large waves to rush up your feet. A drone came to pick up a body and it solidified in your brain that regardless of what Plutarch had planned these were never meant to be long Games, nor particularly violent with all the events occuring.

“Someone's here." Katniss said sharply, quickly pulling out an arrow, ready to shoot. You looked at the figures approaching from the jungle, not too far away. The aggressive motions of one of the figures nearly instantly told you who it was.

“Johanna." You whispered out and then Finnick was running forward.

“Johanna!" He shouted, catching her attention. You followed after him as she yelled back at him. Beetee and Wiress instantly run into the water when you realize Johanna’s figure was so obscured because she was covered head to toe in blood.

“Oh my god, what got you?" You asked, there was no way that much was hers or even someone else's. It was clotted in her hair, her skin, each piece of fabric.

“We were all the way, deep into the jungle where I thought it was going to be safe. That's when the rain started, I thought it was water, it turns out to be blood. Hot, thick blood, coming down. It was choking us! We were stumbling around, gagging on it blind.” Johanna signs through her explanation, ignoring Wiress’ mutters of tick, tock, tick, tock. Which you push away as well as just Wiress being Wiress. “That's when Blight hit the forcefield, he wasn't much, but he was from home.”

"What's wrong with her?” Katniss asks about Wiress, still muttering.

“She's in shock." Beetee is washing the blood of his glasses in the sea water. “Dehydration isn't helping, do you have fresh water?"

“We can get some."

Wiress is clinging to Johanna, desperately repeating her mantra. Who's trying to shove the older woman off, for most of you this is just the dynamic that's been accepted. You've each accepted a role to maintain relationships with one another, Wiress the crazy one, and Johanna the aggressive one. Katniss is put off and runs to Johanna, ready to fight.

“Hey what're you doing?" Johanna yells, Finnick trying to pull her away as you try to get between her and Katniss. “I got them out for you!” They're finally ripped apart when Peeta has his arms around a visibly confused Katniss. "Let go of me, Finnick!”

"Let's just go get you cleaned off.” You tilt your head walking with her and Finnick into the water. "I'm sorry about Blight.”

"Yeah.” She says gruffly as she dunked her head into the water, blood instantly beginning to spread into the once clear waters.

"And I didn't really get to thank you for saving me earlier, so thank you, Johanna.”

"Well I'm sure he would've killed me himself if I hadn't.” She nodded her head at Finnick. “Better go make a better impression with the Girl on Fire over there." She rolled her eyes, stalking over in that direction.

“Deep down she appreciates a thank you." Finnick's wrapped his arms around you from behind and you sway in the water. You hummed in agreement, just enjoying the feeling of his arms around you. What you would give for this to be the two of you in your kitchen back home is immeasurable as well as the things you would do to get that back.

“Were you serious though?" You blurt out, forcing yourself to acknowledge your feelings with him. There's a beat which you figure must be confusion as he tries to figure out what you're referring too. Before you have a chance to add on, he'd seemingly figured it out though.

“Of course I was serious. You don't have to worry because you're not gonna get rid of me that easily, angel." He chuckles, his lips pressed to the side of your head. You nod slowly,

“Thank you." You mumbled out, embarrassed that you'd even let the anxiety take over, but also not completely convinced. It felt shameful that no amount of words or actions was seemingly able to convince the deepest parts of your soul of anything but the worst.

“It's a clock!" Katniss yelled out catching everyone's attention, she helped Wiress out of the water where they've been sitting and began walking towards the Cornucopia . “This entire arena seems to be laid out like a clock, with a new threat every hour, but they stay only within their wedge.” Katniss explains and you all follow her, "It all starts with the lightning, then the blood rain, fog, monkeys, that's the first four hours. At 10 that big wave points from over there.” She points forward, Wiress stops walking. As if she's cautious of something.

“Wiress, you're a genius." Finnick smiles as you all keep trekking forward.

“The tail points at 12." Peeta observes when you reach the shining Cornucopia.

“That's where the lighting strikes at noon and midnight.” Katniss further explains.

“Strikes where?" Beetee asks, holding his coil of wire close.

“That big tree." She points once more and Beetee seems pleased, Wiress sits down on the edge of the rocks murmuring a nursery rhyme to herself.

"Great job, Wiress. We'll try and listen more next time.” You patted her shoulder before following the rest of the group to where a circle is being drawn out in the sand. Dividing it up in the clock like sectors of the arena. Trying to find out what comes next in each portion of the arena.

“It doesn't matter as long as we steer clear of whichever sect is active, we'll be safe, yeah?”

" Relatively speaking.” Finnick nods along and then Wiress' ambience of nursery rhymes is quiet and she gasps. Your head shoots towards where she would be and there's Gloss, knife in Wiress' chest. Before you'd even had a chance to react Katniss’ arrow had pierced through his chest, you'd no clue where she'd come from, but you could hear a sound of outrage from Cashmere. You followed the sound and saw her lunging forward, blindly trying to avenge her brother. Without a second thought you'd shoved Katniss out of the way and a knife was flying out of your hand into Cashmere's heart. Her head hit the ground and that dreadful buildup of guilt was returning. She'd always been kind to you, there were amicable jokes and small complaints to one another at parties. An understanding that you'd struggled through the same, ever present issues and now you were once again the person cutting that life short after allowing a bond to be created. But you had to keep Katniss safe, to get her out of the arena, regardless of the consequences.

The Career pack had seemingly crept up on all of you, Finnick and Peeta were fighting off the attacks of Brutus and Enobaria. Your next knife barely missed Enobaria as she fled to the other side of the Cornucopia, Katniss’ arrow doing similarly with Brutus. Peeta tried to run after them, even if people talked about him like he was the weaker one, you'd seen from the way he trained with Brutus that it was anything, but true. Finnick knew that regardless of Peeta's strength he needed to be protected, kept alive, so he blocked him from the chase. Katniss; however, did try to follow after them, make sure the two were gone, Johanna followed behind. Under no circumstances could you let the Mockingjay get hurt, Peeta was because of that, but she was the one you'd been instructed to get out.

You looked over at Finnick, trying to communicate with him that you'd be following and he gave a curt nod. Only a few steps in though you were completely thrown off your balance, your brain started buzzing. You weren't sure what was going on except that your hands were desperately searching for crevices in the rocks to hold onto. The force of the wind whipped at your skin so hard it genuinely hurt and your fingers tried not to slip on the wet rocks. It was spinning, the Cornucopia was spinning around at full force, trying to throw you off, you tried to calm down. Focus on seeing if you could spot Finnick through the water sprays and the way it hit your face in harsh droplets. It wasn't that different from being on a boat, crabbing when the weather got difficult, being tossed around. Maybe if you shut your eyes that's what you could imagine this was, but then your hands were slipping and you were trying to force your body to stay still. Fingers blindly searching for another crevice, rocks scratching at them as you tried to dig your fingers into the rock. Body sliding down, it didn't matter that you could swim, if the impact was too harsh you could go unconscious on impact and no amount of experience in the water could save you from that.

Finnick would be okay though, if anyone was fine it would surely be him. He'd know exactly where to place his grip, he'd be strong enough to hold on, he could probably hold onto someone else too. Those thoughts are quickly cut short when you hear yourself screaming as something, something sharp, has lodged itself into your back. Breathe, you tell yourself digging your fingers into the rock deeper. Something is tearing into your back, the pressure of the wind definitely isn't helping, and you're barely able to focus on keeping hold of the slick rocks. Through the wind you can hear more screams, shouts, too obscure to make out who the belong to, but it reminds you that you need to survive long enough to rescue Katniss, you need to keep holding on.

Finally, the movement is slowing down, at least you think it is, maybe your perception of speed has just changed. By the time the Cornucopia comes to a stop you still feel dizzy, like a phantom of the spinning. When your brain stops buzzing the pain in your back is worse than you expected. It's torturous to try and stand, but you bite your lip, trying not to groan as you stand. Your legs are wobbly at first and then you hear Finnick call your name.

“Finnick there's something in my back." He's running towards you, eyes full of concern. Your taking deep breaths to try and move through the pain, “I need you to take it out."

Soon he's behind you and before you can say anything more his hand grabs yours from behind, "This is gonna hurt a lot-”

"Don't tell me, just rip it out, like a bandaid.”

"Angel, I can't do that. I'll do it as fast as I can, but I can't just tear it out without causing more damage." His fingers are rubbing circles on the back of your hand.

You're crying a little and even though it causes more pain you laugh a little, “It's one of those stupid scalpel chains isn't it?"

“Yeah, sweet girl, squeeze my hand as hard as you need too." You're nodding, putting the free arm to your mouth to try and muffle yourself if you scream at all. Trying not to bite when you realize this is just as excruciating as the fog had been, fingernails digging into Finnick's hand as he pulls out each piece of the chain. “I've got you, angel, it's okay." By the time all the pressure from the chain has left your back you feel faint. “There we go, all done, you did such a good job." There's no chance to acknowledge him when you're letting yourself run to the edge so you can hurl into the water.

You force yourself to keep standing, “How bad is it?"

“Just deep enough to stick, but you're gonna be okay.” Finnick helps you steady yourself, avoiding the tender wounds on your back.

"Let's just get what we need and get off this bloody island." Johanna says and everyone complies.

“I can carry you, if you want." Finnick offers, already helping you across the rocks.

“I can walk, Finnick, I'm sure soon enough we'll be hit with something else that gives me enough adrenaline that I won't even feel it." You shrug, trying to force yourself to have good spirits. “And I still think hypothermia was worse so-"

He lets himself laugh, shaking his head, “You say that about everything."

“Because it's true! I was so cold that I felt like I was on fire and I was seeing things, I'm sure my back can take a few hits."

"Okay, angel, whatever you say.”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You don't know how long had passed since they stripped you of your wet, muddied, bloodied clothes, or since they injected you with something that made you pass out until you woke with seemingly no injuries to remind you of the past except the stitches in your side. You do know that now they've allowed you rest, before you're thrust back into the Capitol to be seen, to be crowned. The blankets felt like the softest thing to ever grace your skin and the mattress itself is a blessing, but you can't appreciate it when your eyes bore into the wall, guilt infesting your bloodstream.

Light floods into the room and you fear that you've been lost in your head for so long it's already time for them to play dress up with your lifeless body. But his scent is something you've always known instantly, saltwater, sand, the smell of home. You don't even look at him, there's no point, you need the darkness to engulf you and let you have a redo.

“I wish you let me die in that arena." You don't recognize your own voice, so hoarse, so numb.

He took a cautious step into the room, “I know." Finnick sounds like he's already resigned himself to this, to whatever this is. You finally tear your eyes from the walls, briefly having let them pass over his figure, but doing nothing more than scooting over. You hope he got the message you silently urged for and of course he does, he gets you so well. When his body heat is by yours once again, you resent that you're able to have it, that you fought to have it.

‘You don't deserve to cry,’ is what you had begun to tell yourself the moment they grabbed you from that arena. The tears of a murderer do little to those whose blood they've shed. Yet when his hand is cupping your cheek, you feel the tears returning. The longer the silence persists, the better you'll be able to hold back from crying, but eventually you succumb to the uprising of tears and you've probably stained whatever Finnick is wearing.

“He's my best friend Finnick." Was. He was your best friend. Before you dug your talons in, chewed up the parts you needed, and kept the blood on your hands. That bright, beautiful boy that by all means you were supposed to end up with. You'd resisted that ending so much the universe had seemingly decided to make it a tragedy instead. “My best friend." His home was yours, his family was one with you, but you had to be selfish and greedy, so karma took its place.

Finnick's hands cradled your head, and you let yourself push away just to melt right back into them. “And he tried to kill you."

It made you seethe, how dare he be right, "Because I used him, I did that to him. He should have killed me, I'm not meant for this, Finnick.”

"Angel, the Capitol is eating out of your hand, you go out there, you smile and laugh, they love it. And then you walk straight off that stage to me.” You've sat up, trying to stop the hyperventilation that's taken control of your body. You can feel his hands on yours, trying to guide your breathing, but your brain felt too loud to even attempt to follow.

“Why'd you let me do it? You should've told me it was stupid, you should've let him win. He has a family who cares about him, oh my god his family!" Maybe it's not fair to blame Finnick, it had been your idea after all, but it helps because you felt like the insurmountable grief would eat you alive.

He pressed his forehead to yours, “I know, I know, angel, I'm sorry." Later you'll feel more remorse for what you said, but now you could barely breathe.

"You'd said you wanted to keep me safe and now I've screwed it all up because the world is punishing me."

Finnick had gone back to trying to steady your face, for his hands to calm you, which only works to remind you every one in a while to breathe. “Nothing is punishing you, this isn't your fault."

“No, it is, it's all my fault, Finnick! I couldn't just be satisfied with how my life was supposed to be. I wanted you so bad and pushed away my fate and so now the universe has to punish me"

“Stop it." His voice is grounded, caring but stern like the way he's been holding your face. “Don't do that, sweet girl, no one is getting retribution against you for anything.”

"What are the odds? Who does that happen to, Finnick? I just happened to get pulled in the same year as my best friend who everyone knows I'm supposed to end up with and then suddenly you want me again?”

"The odds are never in anyone's favor. And I wanted you anyways.”

You've begun scratching at your chest, which you've never done before, but the newfound anxieties seem to have taken over. But Finnick instantly is pulling your hands away. "I'm not meant for this, I'm just supposed to be the person who gets married and lives in some small house on the beach, who goes to the markets, not this.”

“And you put on a show for them, angel, and then we get to go back home and live that life as much as possible. You only have to keep the act up for them." You didn't have it in you to keep explaining otherwise, you were exhausted, although part of you told yourself you'd be better off without sleep, that you didn't deserve rest. Finnick could of course sense it all and pulled you into his chest. The warmth you'd so missed finally fully surrounding you, protecting you from everything, even your own thoughts for a little while. It was a heat you so desperately craved and the idea you'd never feel it again had haunted you when you'd almost died in the cold. So you nuzzled yourself deeper into his chest, "Get some rest, sweet girl.” His lips pressed to the top of your head.

Your brain refused to rest peacefully, but if you so much as mumbled in your sleep Finnick was there to soothe you until it passed and eventually he was waking you. For a moment, when your eyes had just fluttered open, it was easy to imagine that it was just you and Finnick back home, that none of that had occurred had ever happened. Maybe if you convince yourself of that delusion for long enough it would be an easy enough fantasy to slip into whenever you needed to give the Capitol a facade of joy. You were a victor after all.

“They're just going to do the same process that happened before the parade before your stylist gets whatever she had planned ready. I'll be there when you're done."

"Finnick, I'm sorry.”

"You don't have to apologize to me.” He understood what you'd gone through, he'd been there too and even though you knew that it still felt cruel to have blamed him for anything related to your actions.

"I-” He interrupted you with a kiss, you'd almost forgot what his mouth was like, the taste of honey on his lips.

"I’ll meet you after, angel.” He parted ways with you at the sleek, silver door to a scarily, clinical room. Soon enough you were being surrounded by a flock of your designing team to get your primped to the nines.

“You literally had me on the edge of my seat, it was divine." One of them squawked, making sure your body was completely devoid of any hair they hadn't specially planned to be there. You simply smiled as gratefully as you could, nodding along with each remark they made.

“We need more games like you, I mean they're all interesting, but you brought such a kick to it. One of the most entertaining by far!" One squealed, trimming your nails. Making a small look of disgust when he pulled out the dried mud and blood lodged underneath your fingernails.

“Oh, you'll be a must have at my big birthday gala next month. You will come won't you?” The woman with bright green hair who was powdering something onto your face asked eagerly.

“Of course, you've all done so much for me!" Your face hurt from the forced smiles as you gushed, and they oohh’d and aahh’d at your performance.

“You are the sweetest little thing, I could just burst!" The green haired woman waved her hands around expressively, the others nodding along with her.

“Anyone who doesn't already love you, will have to now!" The man announced, putting down your hand.

“Well we've done the makeup Cambrie requested, so we’ll let her know you're ready for the dress. It's simply divine. You'll wait right in there." You were ushered into a much more comfortable looking room and the smell of food instantly made you salivate. You'd forgotten how long it had been since you'd last eaten, especially something more than small fish, rabbits, berries, and nuts. Instantly you dove into each dish you could, eager to finally fill your stomach that has longed for food for over a week now.

You'd nearly eaten your fill when Cambrie’s bright voice filled the room. “I knew it would be you, I told everyone I could how much of a sweetheart you were! And now everyone wants one of my looks. You are such a blessing!” She kissed both of your cheeks,"You know what they're calling you?” You shook your head, not sure if you really wanted to know. "A Princess!” She squealed, obviously filled with glee."That's amazing to work with."

You smiled as big as you could to match hers, “Oh I'm flattered, but why that?"

“I mean look at you, the sweet, little girl from District 4 with two men pining to have her. Not a slob like some of the victors from past years, perfectly kind and refined." If it was considered kind and refined to manipulate and kill other children, then you guessed you would fit the bill. “So your dress reflects that, the princess style as one would say. I would've loved to incorporate a tiara, but since you'll be crowned at the end of the night we had to forego that."

The dress shimmered like the ocean in sunlight,"It's beautiful.” You said starting at the gown, it felt wrong to dressed in the Capitol's finest as Conway was being shipped in a wooden coffin back home.

“Just like you!" Cambrie clapped her hands together before leading you out of the room to where you'd wait to be presented back in front of Panem. Finnick immediately caught your eye and you resisted running straight to him.

“You look beautiful." He had a twinkle in his eye, that made you want to slip back into the fantasy that all of this wasn't because you'd won the Hunger Games, that it was just a regular day.

“You're not too bad yourself.” You shrugged with a playful smile. Then faster than anticipated it was time to go, Finnick squeezed your hand encouragingly. You let your smile fall for a fraction of a second to take a deep breath before plastering it back on.

“You've got this.” He whispered, kissing your hand before releasing it as you walked towards the steps of the stage.

“You know her, you love her, our very own Capitol Princess and victor of the 69th Annual Hunger Games!" He shouted your name into the microphone to a resounding applause as you walked onto the stage. Making sure to wave to everyone you could each of whom flailed their arms in excitement. “I think I speak for all of us when I say we're very excited to have you back." People cheered in agreement as you let out an airy laugh in response.

“Well Ceaser, I'm glad to be back, everyone is so kind!" You were smiling so hard your nose scrunched up, in hopes that they found it adorable.

“I would ask you what you're most excited for now that you're back, but I think we know the answer to that one." He quirked his eyebrows and the audience murmured in agreement.

You felt your face getting hot and looked down shyly, “Oh Ceaser-" You tried to make yourself seem as much like a hopeful romantic, innocent girl as you could. Maybe it could reverse the effects that manipulating Conway may have had on how you were perceived.

“Am I right? Have you been able to rekindle flames with a certain Capitol Darling?" You hid your face in your hands for a second, kicking your legs, the audience laughed, and you were certain there must be cameras somewhere planted on Finnick to try and capture a reaction. "I think we know what that means.” Caesar shot his blinding smile at the crowd who cheered.

“All I can say is there are many things I'm excited to return to, and people." You'd accepted since your interview that if you did win then your romantic life would be of great interest to the Capitol, so you didn't shy away from playing into it, giving a small, longing look off the side of the stage that the cameras would be sure to pick up.

“And I suppose for now you'll make us settle for that as an answer?"

“For now, Caesar, a woman has to have her secrets." You repeated, alluding back to your original interview, and the audience gave a playful groan.

"Well then, for now, that's an answer we'll have to be happy with. But I know we're all burning to go over these highlights with you.” The highlights, your moment to try and keep up the persona while rewatching the moments already ingrained into your mind. Everyone watching seemed eager with anticipation of the cheers were any indicator.

“I wouldn't want to keep anyone waiting then." Your gaze was purposely wide and as doe-eyed as you could make it be. The Bloodbath was first, your kills, the alliance and you were able to maintain the facade as he pestered you about your abilities with the knife. You distracted your brain with how cold the auditorium seemed to be, how thin the fabric of the dress was which left you trying not to shiver. Then it was conversations with Conway and you tried even harder to play into the act while trying to detach yourself from reality.

“I know some people were definitely rooting for you and Conway in the tragedy of it all, but I have to ask, and I want you to be honest. Did you love him?"

“He was my closest friend in the world, of course I loved him." Not like how he wanted you too, or how you knew logically you should have loved him, but it was love. Your voice was soft, sweet, and trembled with the fear of tears. Which you decided could actually be helpful at some point to keep painting yourself in this light.

You could have sworn you saw audience members crying, not because they cared about you, or him, but because to them this was a tale of tragedy that added a kick to their entertainment. Caesar hummed, “But you loved someone else more?" His voice was softer in the microphone as well.

You looked at him, “Only one of us was going to come out of the arena, it wasn't a matter of who I loved more." What a lie, if it was Finnick you were certain you'd give it all up for him in a split second. Sounds of sobs filled your ears and you pushed down the anger you felt at these people for how they'd ripped your life, Conway's life apart , just to cry over it now. Next was the highlight where you'd almost died and that was much easier to talk about, besides the fact that you could currently feel how cold your nose was getting which made your body want to curl up, you took every muscle to resist that impulse though.

“What were you thinking when that parachute was flying down from the sky?"

“Honestly, Caesar, it's fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure I was hallucinating." You forced a nervous laugh which the audience returned in full force and so did Ceased. You turned your body to face them, “However since then all I've wanted to say is thank you, to all of you who sponsored me during the games." The tears about Conway you let spill in full force about this instead, silently hoping it would win even more people over. “I'm just so grateful for all the generosity you've shown me and I will forever be." The crowd gave out noises of approval.

When the coverage of the battle between your allies and the Careers began and all the way up to those you cared about most in those Games, you let your soul float into the clouds. Allowing a smiley, teary eyed autopilot to take over your brain. You don't remember leaving autopilot until you were seated in some sort of throne-like chair, President Snow giving a speech to the citizens of Panem. He turned to you and you rose as he approached you with a crown, a crown that represented how you backstabbed your way to the top.

You bowed your head slightly as he placed the cold metal on your head, “Wonderful job, my dear." He said gruffly with a smile and although you could feel your body shaking, you forced one back.

“Thank you, Mr. President."

Yet he reiterated his statement in a way that gave you chills that you couldn't understand, “A wonderful job, you've really proven what these games are about."

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

"Did we leave the spile in one of the trees?” You ask, dehydration certainly isn't helping how lightheaded you felt.

Peeta nods, “Yeah, impossible to know which one though."

"I'll go find it then.” You volunteered.

"I need to give the beach a good walk around, as well, let my brain finish thinking something up.” Beetee stood up, coil of wire in hand.

“You're not going alone." Finnick objected, ready to go with you.

“I'm not going alone, I have Beetee. We'll be fine, Finnick, it's a circle you'll be able to see us the whole way around." He looked reluctant, but knew there wasn't much he could do unless he followed you around, but he couldn't leave Johanna to take care of both Katniss and Peeta.

He sighed, “Be safe." His tone was even, straight-laced, “Beetee make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

You scoffed, “I'm looking for a spile!" But Beetee nodded to Finnick. “I’ll be fine! If I need you I'll scream." He exhaled, running a hand through his hair.

“I'll send out a search party if you're not back in 20 minutes."

You looked around the arena slowly before looking back at him, “I'm sure there's no way of telling, but I'll be back. I promise." You smiled and he's still frowning, but he kisses your forehead and lets you walk off with Beetee.

“20 minutes!" He shouts after you as you begin walking around the perimeter of the beach, looking around the trees.

“So what's your plan with that?" You nod towards the coil Beetee is fiddling with.

“We've got water, lighting, a conductor, everything we need to electrocute." Beetee responds, you're ducking in and out of the trees. Searching for where the spile could be nestled in. You're far enough that you can't really see the group through all the trees, but that doesn't bother you until you hear a scream. It's far enough away that it's faint, screams of a young girl and then Katniss. You and Beetee are looking around, listening to the noise that's carried only by the breeze, when another voice enters the cacophony. It's familiar to you, but your brain struggles to process the sound. “That's you." Beetee says slowly.

Your brain does; however, instantly register the next scream, calling your name, Finnick. Instantly you'd ran out of the treeline back into the sand, back to where you'd left the group. “Finnick!" You screamed back, heart racing in panic. “Johanna, where's Finnick?" Both him and Katniss are gone, you can hear their shouts on top of the other noises.

“He followed her in." Johanna tilted her head towards the jungle and your legs instantly started moving, to find him, to show him the screams aren't really you. “It's already closed off, you can't go in."

"What do you mean, closed off?” You get your answer instantly when your hands touch the shield surrounding the woods the screams are coming from. You see Katniss running forward screaming and Peeta comes up by you, telling her it's just the birds. What birds? She's being hounded by them as she falls to the ground and you realize the screams are coming from them.

“Jabberjays." Beetee says, coming up behind you. You let your hands trace along the wall as you keep walking.

“What're you doing?" Johanna asks, exasperated.

“I have to find him, if he can at least see me-" Her scoff interrupts you but you keep darting your eyes through the trees in this clear cage, following it.

“He knows by now that it's not really you.”

"I know that!” You don't mean to snap at her, it frustrates you that you even pulled your eyes away from the jungle. "I know him, Johanna, and if he can see me then he'll know for certain that I'm okay." You're about to turn in the jungle as you follow the wall but Johanna grabs your arm, you start to shove her off. “Let go of me!”

"You go in there and it could be the next hour, the moment those stupid mutts are done, whatever is in there you'll be stuck with.”

"I don't care!”

She grabs you again, "But he does!” The frustration makes you want to cry all over again. She's right and that infuriates you, looking back inside the bubble when you catch a glimpse of him. Sitting, knees to his chest, covering his ears as he whispers something to himself, eyes clenched shut as birds flutter around him.

You don't care if he can't hear you when you hit the wall, “Finnick! Finnick!" Johanna mumbles something, but you don't listen. Too busy trying to beg him to look your way, but he doesn't. All you can do is watch him as he talks to himself, the way his fingers dig into the side of his head, how hurt he looks. You hate yourself, for disregarding him to go search for the stupid spike, for letting him be there for you and now not being there for him. "There's gotta be a way to break it.” Your voice cracks.

"I helped design the technology, it's unbreakable." Beetee’s voice is quiet in the clamor going on in your head. You hate him too right now for giving them this, something to stop you from getting to him. Forehead pressed to the wall as you let yourself cry, let the shame take over your body. You've forced yourself to keep your eyes on him, to suffer more, a just punishment for allowing this to happen. If you'd stayed out then the screams wouldn't have ever lured him in deeper. At some point he removed his hands from his ears and began to stare forward numbly. Allowing the birds to screech in his ears with your stolen voice, you resent yourself more for not trying harder, for letting him slip into such a state even if there was nothing more to do. Centuries seem to pass when suddenly there's a silence and your head falls forward, the wall is gone, the birds are lying on the jungle floor.

Instantly you're running forward, you want to scream out in relief that it's finally over, but you're terrified to startle him. You kneel down in front of him, there are streaks on his face from what must have been tears, but now he's just blank. “Finn?" It's whispered, so as not to put him on alert.

Slowly his eyes moved to your face, at first it's somewhat untrusting, like he doesn't believe it's really you. The worry on your face must prove to him otherwise because that look is soon gone.

“Are you okay?" You know the answer is no, but you don't know what else to say, too guilt ridden to think of a way to help.

“Yeah, I'm fine." He mutters and you nod just kneeling by him.

Your stomach is churning, it felt like your blood was full of pure, unfiltered anxiety, so you force your foot not to tap, but you can feel your toes twitching. “I'm sorry.” You croaked out and he shook his head again, "No, I am, I'm sorry Finnick. I should've stayed with you, I should've-"

“Are you hurt?" His hoarse voice asks, it's numb like the way his eyes are.

“No, Finnick, I was fine, I am fine!"

“Then it doesn't matter." He shrugs.

“It matters to me." Finnick looks at you, like your words are finally sinking into him. Cautiously you bring your hands up to his, “Do you wanna go to the beach? We can, we can go there." Besides the fact he always wanted to be at the beach back home, that was especially true when the episodes of not being able to ignore the burden on his shoulders happened. Your own uncertainness made you angry with yourself, he was always putting on a facade to be strong when you needed him too and now when it was your turn, you couldn't even stop your voice from shaking. His head moved ever so slightly, “Yeah? Come on." Slowly you began to rise, keeping your hands on his as he stood as well. As carefully as you could you guided him back to the sands of the beach, to the waters.

He instantly submerged himself in the water as he sat down, letting waves rise on him. You followed suit, wrapping your arms around him and he leaned back into you. “Don't leave me either." Finnick eventually spoke, the setting sun highlighting his face.

You shook your head furiously, “I won't." Maybe you didn't understand what about you he found grounded or endeared him, but you did know you never wanted to see or even think of him the way you just had, again. You also accepted there would never be a day where you didn't think about it, what you did, how he looked, how he acted, how scared he seemed. It would haunt you and you would let it, if only to make sure it never happened again. Part of you wished the seawater would consume the both of you here, forever immortalize you with it and make sure there was never a moment you could be parted from each other's arms. Yet a larger piece of you was more determined than ever to execute the plan the best you could so you could be free of the control and mind games of the Capitol, so you could just live the rest of your life out with Finnick the way you'd both intended. To end it all, no matter what it took, so nobody else would have to live the life of the so-called ‘Victor.’

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

I cannot thank you all enough for reading, this was a longer one and I'm sorry it took so long to get out. feedback, likes, comments, reblogs, are all super appreciated and my ask box is open, I'm slowly getting through requests as well! you're all so amazing and sweet, it's really kept my passion for this series alive and I have so many ideas. again thank you all so much for reading 💋

taglist: @coriolanussnowswife @avoxrising @artsyaquarium @jennaaaaaaaaaaaa @secretsicanthideanymore @darlingsoulbeautifulthoughts @thatonegayloser616 @libertyybellls @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @ravensinthedaylight @innercreationflower @uhnanix @aesthetic0cherryblossom @yourdailymemedelivery @ang3lflor @maxinehufflepuffprincess @prettybiching @miserablebl00d @wowzabowza69 @nomorespahgetti @problematicpastry @abaker74 @nj01 @whens-naptime @sarcasticbooknerd12 @cakes-hq @honethatty12 @s1lngwns

#finnick odair x reader #finnick odair #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair angst #finnick odair x reader fluff #finnick odair x reader angst #finnick odair x you #thg #finnick imagine #thg finnick #finnick odair fanfic #finnick x you #finnick x reader #the lakes

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reimeichan · 6 months

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I'm a persecutor.

I know it's easier to ignore us, to lock us away. We're the ugly parts of you, after all. The parts of you that you wish never existed, that you don't want anyone else to see. The parts that try to hurt people and hurt you for whatever reason. I get it, it's really fucking frustrating to deal with us.

Sorry pal, but we exist. Trying to ignore us just makes our pain stronger. Trying to punish us keeps makes us want want to hurt you back. Trying to lock us away make our emotions grow more and more. You can't get rid of us. We're you, even if you wish we weren't.

And that means you gotta deal with us.

Yeah, I get it. You don't want us causing you trouble in your oh-so-perfect life. Ruining your friendships, your school, your job, your reputation. You think by getting rid of us you're dealing with us. Stop it.

Please, stop it.

It hurts, so fucking much. Don't you see why we exist? We're the parts of you who went through some of the worst traumas of the system. We act this way because it's what fucking got us through life. To survive. You probably don't see it that way, hell you probably don't even remember the things I had to go through. And I may not either! But I still exist. And if you push me away, that means you're rejecting a part of you.

Even if you see me as a separate person or a separate entity, at the end of the day.... we share a brain. A life. Am I not allowed to live my own fucking life with you? Do I not deserve the same kind of help? Hell, if you want selfish reasons, helping me, genuinely, trying to be kind to me, will help you. Maybe I'll actually try to work with you instead of against you. Or maybe I'll even just leave you alone! Or, or, get this. I change for the better, and I start trying to help out instead of doing damage. Yeah? Sounds nice, right?

I'm so sick and tired of people saying how it's okay to lock up their persecutors and punish them. No! Stop that! Punishment doesn't work. Yes, we should have consequences for our actions that are a direct result of our behaviors. I was shitty to a friend? I lose the trust of that friend. I hurt the body? I have to sit with the pain myself. But that's not fucking, locking us away forever.

I mean, sure. I get it. Sometimes we're out of control and you need some way to get that control back under your belt. And yeah, maybe you need to temporarily keep us away from front and away from other alters. But.... it really, really shouldn't be permanent. We also deserve to learn healthier behavior and healthier coping habits and a safe space to express ourselves. Fuck, if you could help us find healthier ways of expression that would be great!

Just please, please. Stop hurting us the same way we were hurt as kids.

#did #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #actuallydid #did osdd #osddid #cdd #did system #did persecutor #by green

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fernclans · 6 months

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MOON 07. (part 2) (tw; trauma, cliffhanger AGAIN sorry)

Starring: Dashpaw (BuddingClan), Cliffstripe (BuddingClan), Amberpaw (BuddingClan), Cougarkit (BuddingClan), Cowkit (BuddingClan), Pinekit (BuddingClan)

The sound of frantic pawsteps could be heard first, Amberpaw growing alert and rising from her spot near Cliffstripe where they’d been chatting. Part of his hearing damaged by his loss of an ear, it seemed the ginger warrior was unaware something was approaching before his companions demeanor changed, looking up at her quizzically with his remaining yellow eye.

“Someone’s coming.” She meows simply, fixated on the camp's entrance. Cliffstripe pulls himself into a sitting position, trying to prepare himself for anything.

Dashpaw is a blur when he breaks through the clearing; had it not been for the unfamiliar scent he carried with him, the ginger warrior might not have been able to tell that he even had a kit held firmly in his jaws. The half-white tom locks his eyes on Amberpaw, making a b-line to her and promptly placing the kitten a tail-length in front of her paws.

“I need you to look after him.” Without waiting for a response, he turns his head towards Cliffstripe. “Cliffstripe, I need you to follow me. There are two more kits still. Flippaw is running a diversion, but I don’t know how much time she’ll have.”

Cliffstripe nods firmly. “Got it.” In an instant, he’s on his paws, muscles tensing and preparing for a run.

“A diversion!?” Amberpaw shouts, looking desperately at Dashpaw for more details. “Dashpaw what-”

“There’s no time to explain right now! I’ll tell you everything in a bit!” In typical Dashpaw fashion, he’s gone before she could finish her questioning. Cliffstripe shoots her an apologetic glance before taking off after the other tom.

Giving a sigh, Amberpaw slumps back onto her haunches and looks down at the young kit that was placed at her paws. “Well, guess it’s just you and me, kit. I’m Amberpaw.” She offers the tan tabby a kind smile, thinking back to the time when Flippaw was still this small and hoping to StarClan the molly was going to be alright.

“Explain to me what’s going on.” Cliffstripe says firmly between the pounding of his paws. “What do I need to know?”

Dashpaw was a few paces ahead of him, leading the way. He doesn’t spare a glance back at the warrior, and hopes that his voice can be heard well enough from his position. “Flippaw and I were in the outer fields -- she smelled blood, I smelled a wolf. I tried to leave, but she found these kits instead-” He stops for a second to catch his breath before continuing. “-she said she was going to lead the wolf away so we could get the kits! She didn’t even give me a choice about it!”

Were it not for the severity of the situation, Cliffstripe would almost find it humorous; perhaps Dashpaw had rubbed off more on the younger molly than he had thought. “Did you find their mother?”

“I’m guessing that’s the source of the blood-smell.” Dashpaw shouts back grimly.

Try as he did, Dashpaw couldn’t catch a single trace of Flippaw’s current whereabouts; maybe that was for the best? Hopefully that meant she was successful in leading the beast away.

When they reached the remaining two kits, one of them had started crying out for its mother, the sound of her tiny voice causing Cliffstripe’s heart to ache. To lose one's family so young… He approaches the kit slowly, lowering himself to appear less threatening.

“Hey, it’s okay.” The other kit, the blue one, hisses and lashes a tiny paw out defensively. Her sister waddles forward on unsteady paws and sniffs at Cliffstripe curiously.

“This is sweet and all, Cliff’, but we gotta be going.” Dashpaw warned, tail twitching nervously behind him.

Drawing himself back up, Ciffstripe licks at his chest, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Ah- no, you’re right.” He turns back to the pair of kittens and picks up the remaining brown and white she-kit, Dashpaw following suit and grabbing the cranky blue one before making themselves scarce.

By the time they return, Amberpaw has put a nest together for the kits; lined with downy feathers from an earlier catch, it seemed the mottled tabby kit Dashpaw had brought in before had already taken up residency within. With the other two kits placed into the nest, they greet each other excitedly, the blue kit pouncing sloppily onto her brother.

“Is that all of them?” Amberpaw asks, looking at the toms.

“These are all the ones Flippaw and I found.” Dashpaw confirms.

An uneasy silence fills the clearing at the mention of the spotted apprentice’s name. Her plan was so hurried that they didn’t take the time to discuss where they’d meet up after, where she planned to goad the wolf into chasing her, really anything.

“She’ll be okay.” Cliffstripe meows, causing the others to look at him.

“How can you be so sure? She’s only been an apprentice for two moons!” Amberpaw’s voice is harsher than she intended it to be, and she flinches back from her own voice. “I’m sorry for yelling, I just-”

Cliffstripe shakes his head. “It’s okay, I understand. Just believe in her, okay? Dashpaw did, I’m going to choose to do so as well. If Flippaw thought she could manage this, then I trust her.”

Amberpaw looks uncertain still, but remains silent and simply nods. As confident as she was in herself, she struggled to find the kind of trust that Cliffstripe seemed to have in everyone.

Seeming uncomfortable with just sitting around, the molly turns her attention back to the trio of kits and tries to usher them off of the nest. “Come on, I’ll bring you inside so you can sleep.”

Dashpaw fights the urge to argue their nest placements; now wasn’t the time. He looks back to Cliffstripe, worry knitted in his brow. “When should we go out to look for her?”

“When the moon is high. I want to make sure we give her enough time and don’t meet the wrong end of a wolf.” Again. He nods back silently, light-blue gaze fixated on the stars beginning to fill the sky. ‘StarClan, if you really exist… you better keep her safe.’

#clangen #clan generator #buddingclan #buddingclangen #dashpaw #cliffstripe #amberpaw #cougarkit #cowkit #pinekit #moon 7

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shutuperce · 6 months

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your fall 2023 byler reading list 🍂🍂

BIG BYLER FIC REC DUMP cause i haven't been writing a lot but i HAVE been reading and y'all need to read these! hope u enjoy as much as i did <3

got your spell on me, baby - @astrobei -Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Words: 7,919

TW: none

'To be fair, Will’s costume is great, now that Mike knows what it is. And, okay, wait-

“Oh, this is so good. This is so good.” Max points at Mike, wheezing. “Because you’re dressed as-”

Will’s still looking straight up at the sky. The length of his neck is very, very flushed. Mike can feel his entire face going redder than Vader’s lightsaber. He clenches his hands into tiny little fists, and says, around a groan: “I’m not Han Solo, guys.”'

THE halloween byler fic. the party at college, bi lucas sinclair content, halloween party shenanigans.

these nerds, using star wars to flirt 🙄

background lumax & their amazing couples costume, el & will power sibling duo!!!

bowie references to heal the soul

all in all one of my favourite getting-together fics for this time of year :)

what a match: i'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet - @perexcri - Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Words: 28,150

TW: guns, blood, gore (just demodogs though no human gore)

'One month ago, if you had asked Will Byers what he’d do if Mike Wheeler threaded his fingers through his hair, looked him dead in the eyes, and started leaning in for a kiss, he wouldn’t have said this.

He wouldn’t have said he’d be staring right back into those yawning dark eyes, one hand on Mike’s waist, the other against his cheek. There wouldn’t have been any lightning in his veins or blood rushing in his ears.

He wouldn’t have said that Mike Wheeler would be tilting his head in the opposite direction, eyes widening just the slightest as if asking permission, his mouth slightly parted.

He wouldn’t have imagined it at all.'

SO SO GOOD. apocalypse post s4, background jancy and platonic stobin, interruption trope x10000 so it's SO SATISFYING at the end.

WILL WITH A GUN.

jonathan & mike solidarity <3

all in all amazingly well written mike and will being blushing messes. love them. fluff in the apocalypse.

take my hand, wreck my plans - @parkitaco - Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Words: 6,297

TW: discussion of past trauma

'"I am not taken," he says out of habit, even though he kind of is. He and Will aren't together - he blushes at the thought - but they do spend an awful lot of time together, and Mike doesn't ever find himself wishing he was anywhere else. "Will and I are-"

"Ooh, I didn't even say anything about Will!" Max crows. "Oh, this is excellent."

Mike hides his face in his hands even though she can't see him. "Oh my God. Can you put Lucas back on, please?"

Max cackles in to the receiver, the sound fading as Lucas presumably wrenches the phone out of her grip. "We gotta go, Mike," he says, laughing a little. "Max has class and I'm driving her."

"Tell her she's the worst," Mike grumbles, fiddling with the phone cord.

"Say hi to Will for me!" Lucas sings, and hangs up before Mike can protest.

Mike groans and flops back on his mattress. It's going to be a long year.'

part of a series!! byler college au, friends-to-lovers, background party friendship, AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES. OH MY GOD, THEY WERE ROOMMATES??

taylor swift title... do u really need any other persuasion

the whole series is just AMAZING. mike & will getting a break, living together at college and figuring shit out <3

i might be hoping about this - @astrobei - Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Words: 15,321

TW: none

'Will lets out a small squawk as Mike’s hand— his very cold, very freezing hand— finds its way around the blankets and under his sweater. “I’m sick, you weirdo,” he says, half-laughing into the side of Mike’s head, “I have a fever.”

“I don’t care,” Mike mumbles, “you’re warm and I’m cold. This is nice.”

“You’re going to get sick,” Will tries, for the umpteenth time, but it’s pointless. Mike Wheeler is stubborn and hardheaded and he never does anything halfway— not even this.'

established byler at college!! so yeah i have a love of college byler and this is one of my top fics for sure. 2nd astrobi fic on this list because i love their writing <3

will gets sick, mike takes care of him. need i say more?

silly goofy guys living together & doing silly goofy domestic shit

this fic makes me SOFT.

accidentally on purpose - @itsromeowrites - Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Words: 5,019

TW: none

'It starts out with a kiss. An accidental kiss. Because Mike is sleepy and Will is pretty, and who can really blame him? And then there's another one, just as accidental. But the third? Well, that may be a little more on purpose.'

literally smiling so hard at this fic. like hello. soft secret boyfriends and loads of party content, all the kids are okay <3

established byler, how the party finds out. all fluff all the time. jonathan attempts the Talk. mike has no idea what's going on. et cetera.

background lumax, lucas & dustin being lil shits together, and el using her powers to cheat at splashing games. all in all a good time!

and if I get burned, at least we were electrified - anonymous - Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Words: 14,958

TW: none

'“I’ll leave you be until lunch,” Max starts negotiating, nodding at him as if that’s a good deal. Which—considering it's Max, it is, but Mike doesn’t want to give in just yet. She sighs. “I won’t laugh about the sweater anymore. Or the weak disposition that gives you stupid allergies all the time.”

Mike’s frown deepens, but she wasn’t as mean as she could have been, so he’s gonna take it. He needs to get this out anyways, or he’s going to keep running in circles as if stuck in a hamster wheeler—an accurate representation of his brain when it comes to Will, really. He presses his lips together and tries to figure out a subtle, non-funny way to say it, but he comes up blank.

Fuck, whatever: “I almost kissed Will. Again.”

Max actually has to cover her mouth with her hand, disguising a worryingly loud snort with a cough. The teacher turns their way and stares, then goes back to explaining the exercise on the board. Mike scribbles it down while Max gets herself under control.

Screw his life.'

senior year, post-vecna. the party being friends but also little shits to each other.

madwheeler bandmates!!!

will steals mike's entire closet

they are Dumb Idiots who are mutually pining from afar

and other lovable tropes. takes place in november so good fall vibes :)

#perce reads #byler #byler fanfic #fic recs #byler fic recs

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ofbreathandflame · 3 months

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stans are actually very funny bc they often time talk themselves into the weirdest corners.

the whole point of criticizing acosf and its handling of nesta's character is to prove the point that sjm...doesn't like nesta as a character. that's is literally THE point - that sjm often abandons her moral themes (abuse, trauma, assault, etc.,) for character's deemed as undesirable or villainous to a capacity - and its through the handling of those 'vilified' (i.e. main character opposed - not even villianous) that we can gauge the extent to which sjm actually believes the ideals of her story. like - it is alarming that the only tolerable, empathetic parts of the a court of silver flames were the moments you could tell where ripped straight from sjm's own life (the hiking, training, mind-stilling etc.,). any actual characteristics about nesta weren't explored...like at all. her relationship with feyre and elain, with her mother, her trauma from her sexual assault, her conflicted relationship with her grandmother, her life before the cabin, her life during the cabin. in 800 pages - i still don't know mama archeron's name. what was life like in the cabin? what did nesta do all day? what was the dynamic? what was going on between elain and nesta?i don't know anything about her and nesta, we don't know anything about nesta's human life, her conversation with clare bedor, her relationship with clare beddor, moments with her dad - not even touching moments with him (and part of this story is her finding love for her dad). mind you we read 800+ pages and we learned absolutely nothing about her.

we essentially read sjm's emotional journey in one part, and a taming of the shrew narrative in another. i think the only way sjm had genuine interest in exploring nesta's story is through essentially self-inserting herself and avoiding the actual plot-points she set up in the first three books. like did nesta have childhood friends? if losing the wealth so drastically affected her life wouldn't she reminisce about it a lot? would she yearn for her mother? who were her childhood friends, how did she function at court?

and the whole point of saying alll of that is to argue the misuse of these topics - serious discussions abuse are only reserved for certain situation, and others its completely undermined in a way that only reinforces the negative ideals to begin with. (i.e. nesta needs to abused bc..." "the intervention was harsh but" - pair that with discussion around what feyre needed in acomaf - and it makes much more sense).

nesta antis often jump between the fact that nesta is so favored that sjm nerfed feysand to 'redeem her' and arguing that sjm secretly does everything in her power to embarrass and secretly laugh at people who like nesta's character. (1) we've gotta pick one or the other (2) in my humble opinion - sjm would have always given feyre a pregnancy plot like this regardless of whether this was nesta's book or elain. its literally so sjm. im shocked people are surprised she pulled the pregnancy as she did.

as with the tamlin discussion we had under this post - i think the story undermines its discussion of abuse with feyre/tam by essentially insinuating that tamlin (when placed in the same victimized position as feyre) should have sucked it up and braved out his abuse with amarantha (and the same with rhysand as well - esp with the deliberate foil of rhysand's 'willingness' v. tamlin's unwillingness). and when we start to have a real conversation ultilizing our own irl analysis and standards we really see how harmful and rather sisyphean the conversation becomes. instead of engaging with these topics earnestly, they only engage in them to prove a point - which is how the issue began in the first place. the whole issue with rhysand isn't the fact that he engages with harmful, potentially villainous positions. no - its that the book wants to prove that tamlin is wrong by justifying rhysand's actions. so even though rhysand and tamlin almost always have the same written and expressed intentions in their abuse of feyre, the book flocks to justify one, and eschews the other. and thats why we get so much reactionary critcism of rhys that is surface: people only admit the problems because they know antis will, not because they actually believe their are issues in the story.

and perhaps im still speaking into a void here but i can tell there's tension between pro stans wanting to have these serious conversations but understanding they can only really introspect so far until the conversation begin to prod at the validity of the topics being brought forth. so stans have to jump between invalidating the romantasy genre ("its just faeries") and treating this book as a serious topic (cue: "sjm put a hotline in the back of the book"). this is also the exact reason why the racism conversations stall (i.e. why inherent superiority is always passively emphasized - despite cc1 + 2 centering human oppresion there is no human in the ensemble cast. despite the fact that illyrian women are the most oppressed - rhys has no illyrian women - or reg illyrians (not his brothers) in his inner circle. aelin 'sacrificing' her human body).

#anti sjm #anti rhysand #anti feyre #anti acosf #anti feysand #anti sjm: nesta archeron #anti nessian #queue0118

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cultofdixon · 7 months

Text

In a past life it was yours, the present is mine

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • At the line up it was revealed your family history, in the future it won’t be used against you, but for now? You have to change the problem from the inside out or all those you love will perish • ANGST/SFW • TW: Past Mental Abuse / PTSD / Trauma / Anxiety / Canon Violence / Depression • Canon re-written

Requested by: Anon

“Well, let’s meet the man shall we?” The right hand to the mystery man says with a smirk as he approaches the RV.

The archer turns to his other half seeing her keep a calm exterior even if the inner feelings spilled in tears.

I’ll always keep you safe Y/N Daryl mouths to her watching her nod smiling through the tears as both of their attention snapped back to what’s in front of them.

As the tension grew in the woods and the creek of the RV door opens followed by whistling that drove chills down their backs. The man stepped out and instantly locked eyes with the archer’s partner, standing there for too long as neither of them said a word. Until a smirk brought itself on his face as he grabs his right hand by the collar pulling him close to tell him something.

Then you know the rest…

As Negan drags Rick into the RV after killing two of their own. Abraham and Glenn. The right hand that is named Simon approaches the group as the vehicle disappears.

“Take the girl” Simon states watching two saviors come up behind Y/N grabbing her by the arms. “Take the hits and scratches, guys. She’s just a little thing anyway”

“Wait WAIT!” Maggie yells watching her friend getting taken as Daryl tried rising to his feet again when Dwight hit him in the back of the head with the blunt end of his crossbow.

Y/N froze watching such as it made it easier to drag her body to one of the trucks. The bigger man out of the two practically tossed her into the back of the van and was immediately pistol whipped by Simon.

“Best I do somethin’ before boss man puts a bullet in your head” Simon scoffs shutting the doors after pushing the guy of the way. “Take her back to the Sanctuary. She don’t need to see what else the man’s gotta do”

And with that the van left, leaving the group confused…Maggie hurt even further and Daryl livid. They didn’t understand why Negan ordered such to happen. Hell they don’t even know when that was ordered. His hushed side conversations were so short because he had other business to attend to.

How…how could he

How could he do this

To me

The drive was long, at least it felt like such. Y/N didn’t know where she was going or who else she would be dealing with but during the unknown period she simply cried. Cried over her deceased family and over the fear of losing the man she loves.

Soon the doors to the back opened and no one was forcing her out of the vehicle until a blond woman came. She grabbed Y/N by the arm and let the girl scratch at her or try to pull away but the grip she had on her? Good luck.

“Where are you taking me?!”

Nothing

“I demand to know!”

Again, nothing

“What is he going to do to my family?!” Y/N snaps before getting shoved in a room as the woman stood at the door a second.

“Family? This is your family, dollface” and the door shut, locking from the other side.

Y/N immediately went toward the door and started pounding against it, screaming out for anyone to let her out. Then she started to look for something to pick the lock with but as she searched the room she was in…it took a second to realize it was a room and not a cell. She decided to look around in hopes she’d find something to help her escape.

Instead she was met with her past.

How come yea never talk about your old life?

I told you a lot. What specifically?

Everybody’s got a family. You never said anythin’ bout that

Guess I’m just. Never ready to talk about it

I don’t think I’ll ever be, even now Y/N frowns holding a picture frame in her hands and the sound of keys jingling startled her to grab something heavy.

When the door opened and Negan stepped through, he quickly dodged the jar of pickles Y/N had grabbed as it hit one of his saviors behind him instead of him.

“Still got a hell of a throw”

Nothing

“How long have yea been with these people?” Negan asks watching her tense and retract at every step he took, inevitably stopping. “You have no idea how long I’ve been lookin’ for you” he snapped for one of his own to close the door to give them more privacy as Y/N immediately shoved him away.

“Why”

“Listen—-“

“WHY!” She yelled loud enough for those standing outside the door, even if the walls were thick. “WHY DID YOU BECOME THIS MONSTER?!”

“Princess, please—-“

“No! You killed my best friend. You don’t get to ‘princess’ me, dad. You took me away from my family…you killed those of MY FAMILY”

“IM YOUR FUCKING FAMILY” Negan finally yells back in her face watching her cower, making him step back taking in the sight to memory. “I’m your blood. You’re my daughter and my family. At least what’s left of it”

“I was your bastard child when you were a teenager…you only cared cuz I got stuck in your care. Then you met Lucille and I was already out of the house…you cut the line there. You moved on but even then…you still went back to your old ways.” Y/N frowns feeling the tears roll off her cheeks. “Now you’re just worse. A monster that put the woman you loved’s name on a bat that killed those important to me…where do you get off”

Before Negan could say another word, Dwight opened the door abruptly which was a big no-no on his part.

“Hey we got Daryl in one of the cells. What’s the next—-“

“What? WHAT” Y/N pushed Negan out of the way as he quickly grabbed at her arm only for her to pull with all her force. He tightened too hard that he heard a crack and instantly let go resulting in her shoving Dwight over like it was nothing and going through the halls.

No one was touching her

Or at least weren’t allowed to intervene

Unless she tried to escape…or help someone escape.

The banging on his cell door gave his position away as Y/N was stopped by the brute guarding his door. But she had about enough in the moment.

“Move out of my way”

“I can’t do that princess”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Or Wha—-“ He was instantly cut off by her leg swung right in between the legs hitting the family jewels hard enough for him to drop. Giving her a window to go for his knife and threaten to cut his throat open the second those chasing her approached.

“Jesus Christ. This is your blood?” Dwight scoffs stepping back every second their eyes locked.

“She’s definitely Negan’s daughter” Laura laughs at the sight watching Negan step closer not giving a single fuck if Y/N took the man’s life.

“It’s best to let him go. Wouldn’t want to be like me right?”

Y/N felt instant regret for her actions after he said such. She slowly released the knife as the guy quickly pulls away bringing himself behind Negan.

The man stood there for a while staring down at his child while his people stand behind him in fear of both Smiths. Then a pain brought itself in his chest watching her cower when he tried to simply step forward and help her up.

A small child took her place sitting there on the floor as he stood before her in his early twenties with a suitcase in one hand and a ticket in the other.

The two locked eyes and he turned around closing the door behind him. Never turning back.

“You get five minutes. But I’m not letting either of you go” Negan frowns opening the door to Daryl cell as he was about to fight whoever opened it when he saw Y/N and Negan on the other side.

The two were soon closed in the cell for privacy with a lantern for the light. Y/N frowns looking at Daryl after just telling him about who her father is and why she hasn’t told him or anybody. It’s not like she knew about his dictatorship in the old world, just knew the man as someone who wanted nothing to do with her as a child and when she became an adult he had already moved on.

“He…we gotta get out of this shithole”

“I don’t think that could happen without a window…or a bullet in one of us”

“From how he wanted yea at the line up, doubt he’d hurt yea”

“I’m not going to let him hurt you” Y/N frowns bringing herself close expecting Daryl to reject her after finding out of her bloodline.

But the archer carefully took her face into his hands wiping away the tears that suddenly sprung from her waterline.

“He may not hurt yea sunshine, but he can still break you”

Before another word could be shared, the door sprung open and Y/N was suddenly grabbed pulling her out of the cell as Daryl tried to use that as a window but was met with his own crossbow aimed at him.

“Don’t you fucking dare hurt him” Y/N thrashed against the grasp two saviors had on her as they lessen their grip when Negan glared at them. “You lay a hand on him and I will make you fucking regret taking me too”

Negan glared at his daughter before turning back to the archer and his people keep him in. He shoved Dwight back before shutting the door and locking Daryl in there. No more words were exchanged but all he did was grab Y/N by the bicep leading her to the rooms and locking her in a new one.

________

“How come yea never talked about your family?” Daryl frowns joining Y/N on the porch of their new home. “Ever since we got here you’ve been extra quiet so I’m just assumin’ what the subject matter is”

“I just. Never experienced this niceness before. Like when y’all found me in the woods outside the prison? I had just gotten lost after seeing where my dad had lived all my life without me”

The sadness grew in his expression as he noticed hers barely shift, she’s accepted it a long time ago…but the pain will always be there.

“He had me as a teenager and my mom just gave me to him then fucked off. So he struggled for four years with the help of grandma, then one day I was seated on the carpet watching him pick up a suitcase and walk out the door.” Y/N frowns hugging herself as she kept her gaze to the floor. “It’s a mess of a story. Raised by my grandma, left at 18, heard years later he remarried and didn’t care about my existence further, his wife found out about me and met me in private…then the outbreak happened later and I went to see if they were alive because I had their address for the longest time…and all there was was a house in ruins”

“I’m sorry, sunshine”

“If he’s…still out there and our paths cross…I don’t think I’d want to be on this rock anymore”

________

Daryl kept banging on his cell door for what felt like days. Granted…it was. To be real with what’s going on in Daryl’s mind, he thought he would be beaten to a pulp at this point. Or put through even worse, mental abuse of some kind.

They’ve been treating him well?

His wound

Keeping him fed

He doesn’t quite understand it until Dwight opened the cell one night to give him a sandwich and decided to talk.

“Your woman almost ripped me a new one when I tried to feed yea dog food. She’s takin’ everything like a champ though…with a dad like that.” Dwight laughs. “Everything I had of yours, she almost killed me for. But daddy will do anythin’ to get her to smile. Even if she cries most nights”

“Why the fuck are you telling me this”

“You ain’t dead because she’s doing everything Negan asks of her. Her reward? We don’t hurt you” Dwight states before making his leave and shutting the door forcefully behind him.

Y/N laid in the bed given to her, in the room made just for her. She kept staring at the ceiling dressed in a black dress that someone pointed out was made for pointing out Negan’s wives. But that was shot down by Simon who was assigned to keep her at the Sanctuary and to be honest? Neither of them were happy about it.

“Yo! Princess, boss man wants yea” Simon knocks on the door as Y/N sighs bringing herself to the edge of her bed slipping her boots on before leaving the room.

The two walked to the conference like room and found a head on the table, an anxious Dwight, and an angry Negan.

“Good luck princess” Simon whispers to Y/N, leaving the room laughing.

The annoyance on her face grew, but immediately changed to anger and worry.

“Daryl escaped” Negan snapped the second he locked eyes with his kid. “Who did it.”

“I’ve been with you and in my room almost every hour of every day. Your GOON here doesn’t let me anywhere near Daryl’s fucking cell. Even when he’s not on watch” Y/N gave back the same energy her dad was producing. “You’re always so controlling of everyone around here but what happens when your eyes aren’t glued on your fucking prisoner. He escapes on his GODDAMN OWN”

In a split second, with no thinking before actions made, Negan grabbed her by the throat and forced her against the wall as the thud echoed in the room but the alarming sound was the crack that came from her skull when she made contact. Tears instantly started to stream down her cheeks as she held onto his wrist feeling his grip loosen while her eyes slowly fluttered open after the impact made them shut tight.

Daddy please don’t go

The leader of the saviors suddenly pulled away making her drop to her knees as she instantly pressed her hand to the back of her head noticing the blood on her hand when she retracted.

“You’re just…the same fucking monster…I’ve always known” Y/N sobbed through broken words as Negan towered her unable to move or breathe for the matter. Dwight looked at him a bit confused but a wave of concern came over him as he brought himself to Y/N not caring if she protested.

“Come on. We’ve got a doc” Dwight helped her to her feet directing her out of the room, glancing back to see Negan in his frozen state.

“Daddy please don’t go” The four year old cried hugging onto her father’s leg as Negan drags her agaisnt the carpet before forcefully shaking his leg to get her to fall on her butt.

The tears broke out as she sat on the carpet right in front of the main door.

“I…I can’t do this” Negan frowns picking up his suitcase after slipping on his jacket. “I never should’ve had you”

The pout that grew on the little one’s face as the tears streamed down her cheeks while no more sound escaped her.

“I never should’ve left you…” Negan whispers to himself while his own tears rolled off his cheeks.

It’s been days with nothing going on…nothing…not even a visit from his saviors to communities they have under their thumbs. If you were new to one? You wouldn’t be able to tell they were controlled by someone unless somebody told you. But even then, they didn’t collect every other week. Didn’t threaten anymore people.

Nothing happened. Then the radio gave off receiving static.

“Rick. We gotta talk”

Rick looks at his radio with concern before looking across the table at his partner as Michonne shared the same concern but was also littered with confusion and doubt. This could be a trap of some sorts.

While Negan may have done nothing. The group had gotten to work on lessen the Savior population (once Daryl returned) by attacking more outposts with the help of the Kingdom, the Hilltop, and few Oceanside…it was top priority while certain few wanted to get their person back.

“He could’ve killed her by now” Daryl frowns sitting with Maggie on the steps of the Barrington House as they all decided it be smart for him to stay there in case if they did look for him.

“She’s his daughter. He wanted her, I doubt he would’ve killed her…but something still could’ve happened” Maggie didn’t mean to plant anything in Daryl’s mind, granted he was already thinking of such, but it was overwhelming. When Daryl returned and Negan’s first visit to Alexandria, everyone Y/N was close to found out that she’s Negan’s daughter. It brought a lot of mix feelings but even with certain negative ones, everyone collectively agreed they wanted to get her back safely.

“Daryl…you think that Rick would hurt her?”

“What.” Daryl says sternly noticing how calm and collected Maggie presented herself after saying such.

“From what you’ve told me, Y/N and her father are estranged. He didn’t raise her. She’s nothing like him. It’s just…instead of running with fear, Rick is turning back to that scary version of himself when we first came to Alexandria.” Maggie frowns her finger tips gently brushing her barely showing pregnant belly. “I’m afraid of him hurting her indirectly. To be fair…when I found out, I wanted to do exactly that. But then I remember she’s this outgoing person who’s super smart and an amazing listener to every single concern a person may have…she doesn’t even have to know you long to care so deeply about you…she’s nothing like this monster but he will hurt her and Rick will break some part of her”

While all of such happened, the Sanctuary sort of collapsed within itself once Negan disappeared. He just left without a word and Simon tried taking his place but then the people that Negan tortured under his boot for so long, started to fight back finally. Y/N watched it all unfold while packing up her stuff and planning her route out but it came clear to those die hard followers that she’s something that can bring him back.

Which he was planning to do while he stood in the old outpost, the first one the group attacked that led to their deaths. Negan sighed when Rick didn’t immediately come into view but once he did, he wasn’t alone. He didn’t have the whole group or those who’ve lost their partners. All he needed was Michonne and his son Carl. Knowing they’d keep him centered.

“If this is a trap, the others know to come rain hellfire on—-“

“The Sanctuary is currently imploding. None of’em like Simon and won’t follow him. Whatever you want to do to me, I’ll let yea do. As long as you don’t punish her for my actions”

Carl’s expression softened hearing such as he didn’t think about that. His dad was just mad and terrified of what else could happen since Negan hasn’t done anything to them. Little do they know the shit he’s been putting his kid through mentally, and the few times physically that one would think she endured it all for her family.

“Dad. This seems…like the truth, but we still need to be careful”

“You should listen to the kid.” Negan states only for Rick to take that moment and right hook him making him stumble a bit as Michonne quickly pulled Rick back knowing he was about to do more. “I deserved that”

“You deserve a whole lot worse”

“And I’m telling you…” The man straightens himself up brushing the blood from his busted lip on the back of his hand. “Do whatever you want to me”

Before Rick could get to say his response, Carl stepped in front of him to physically cut him off.

“Why? Why are you rolling over on your back now? After you killed Glenn…killed Abraham…killed all those people just to gain superiority but we just…” Carl couldn’t connect the dots, even if they were right there, guess part of him wanted him to say it.

“I hurt her.” Negan stated watching all of them tense. “I hurt my daughter. I tried so hard to get some fuckin’ relationship back after what I’ve done in the past. But the present was never mine. Then I really hurt her…for something someone else did, and I could’ve killed her…I’ll do whatever yea want me to do, and let you do whatever you want to me…for her promised safety”

________

Daryl sat on the porch checking his bike after they had gotten it back from the outpost. He felt her presence and felt it when Y/N brought her arms around his waist.

“You alright?”

“You know, whatever happens with whatever comes next…I’d always choose you”

The archer brought himself to turn toward her so he could wrap his arms around her kissing the top of her head whispering again asking if she was okay. She was.

________

She will always want to be in his arms.

Y/N stood outside the Sanctuary or what it used to be as people left…communities took people in, die hard followers were skeptical but given a second chance, Simon ran off, and she stayed at the place that kept her mentally beaten. But with her father, the Grimes (minus Jude), Daryl, Maggie, the king Ezekiel, Cyndie from Oceanside, and those who wanted to witness Negan get punished.

People wanted him dead. Rick wanted him to rot. So a bit of both happened. Y/N watched Rick put all his anger out on Negan and every punch made her flinch. She felt the tears come but no sound escaped her. Maggie brought herself to the other side of her friend while Daryl was on the other. She carefully took her hand into hers feeling her squeeze.

He’s a monster. He did all this horrible things and even with a good like…getting rid of it all…the pain was still there but so was the child from before the hell.

Michonne grabbed Rick’s shoulder when she thought Negan had enough but she also had enough of her friend watching her partner beat up her father.

“Patch’em up” Rick scoffs turning away from Y/N knowing if he looked at her, the regret will build. The new doc that his son found on a walk in the woods, Siddiq, took care of patching up Negan while Gabriel and Aaron tied him up taking him back to the cell that Morgan had made.

It was late in the night when Daryl felt the emptiness beside him and decided to get up looking for his partner who simply sat on the steps leading to the main floor. Her tired eyes said it all as he wished she had woken him to the nightmare she endured alone. He brought himself to sit beside Y/N as she flinched when he tried to check the bandage that was on the back of her head. The doc at the Sanctuary had to shave a part to get stitches in there after…yknow.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Yeah…”

“No…I mean, does it still hurt” Daryl frowns watching her tears build up as she continued to hug her knees to her chest hiding her face feeling him bring his arm around her. “You should’ve never had to deal with that shit, and shouldn’t have seen what happen”

“I couldn’t…let him hurt you or my family…I just…the words won’t come out clear in my mind…I just couldn’t lose anymore”

Daryl watched her unravel as he didn’t let her go bringing her into his embrace and into his lap. Holding her desperately close as Y/N latched onto his person afraid they’d fall apart if she let go.

________

“You can have everythin’ and you still choose him?”

Y/N frowns looking at her father after she was forced to put on the outfit given to her. She looks around at the room surrounding her before locking eyes with the man that helped bring her into this world.

“He fixed what you broke” She states crossing her arms and holding her ground. “He didn’t have to, hell I did my best to keep my past to myself. But he loves me, protects me, makes me feel wanted…”

Negan wanted to speak but watched her hold her hand up to shut him up.

“I will always choose Daryl Dixon, over every man on this god forsaken planet”

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #that took a while #four more after this then requests will be open #after a break ofc…#hope you enjoy this one

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yanderes-galore · 6 months

Note

Gotta ask for that Kratos from God Of War concept with whatever intention you want 👌

While researching him only one thing came to mind... this man has been through a lot.

Here's my general thoughts of him as a yandere!

Potential spoilers for all/most God of War games except Ragnarok.

Yandere! Kratos Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Trauma, Fear of loss, Overprotective behavior, Manipulation, Isolation, Possessive behavior, Murder, Violence, Blood, Dubious/Forced relationship.

Out of all the yanderes I've written, Kratos is probably up there for being one of the strongest/scariest.

This man has gone through so much and it's only built him up to who he is.

He's gone from mortal man who was forced by Aries to kill his family, to a God of War with undying rage even when he's settled down.

He has killed Gods, Deities, Titans, Beasts... he even can't seem to be killed.

Honestly, Kratos falls into the same category as the Doom Slayer (DOOM) and Master Chief (HALO) when it comes to you.

That being this strong as hell man who has been brutal with his enemies is so soft towards this one weaker person.

Kratos is a being of rage constantly tormented by the Gods around him.

He has lost many close to him.

His wife and child, his mother, his brother, his people, Athena, his second wife...

It just goes on and on.

Safe to say by the time he finds you he is prioritizing you.

Kratos can act as an overprotective guardian or father figure when platonic.

When he's romantic he can be possessive, protective, yet caring.

What doesn't change is his brutality towards those that threaten the bond he has with you.

He'd definitely be calmer around God of War 2018 yet still keep his fierceness from before.

This is the same man/God who killed pretty much almost the entire Greek pantheon.

He'd not be one to tolerate a threat to his new loved ones.

Safe to say no threat is able to come close to you due to how fast Kratos slaughters them.

This also makes Kratos near impossible to leave.

Kratos tries his best to show he cares for you as he's lost so many dear to him in the past.

Which may even mean he has a fear of loss.

The mere idea of losing you sends him into a panicked state.

Sometimes he acts cold and distant due to his past.

But the moment he realizes he could lose you sends him to bombard you in attention.

Kratos would not trust many with you, if anyone.

He has betrayed too many times by Gods in the past.

As a result he feels he can only trust himself to handle you.

If this is 2018 God of War then he trusts his son with you and you with his son.

That's all though.

Your life with Kratos is rather isolated.

I imagine Kratos fears you'll leave his side so he tries to bring himself to be overly affectionate.

The most he does is usually verbal affection.

Although there's times he'll scoop you into his arms to hold you.

Your warmth feels soothing on his broken mind and tired body.

The idea of another person or God trying to win you over is a funny thought.

Kratos isn't phased by blood of gore.

Someone can be talking to you... then all of a sudden the God of War is standing behind you.

After he manages to tear you away from the other person, he brings you into isolation again.

Perhaps even with some possessive kissing to erase the thought of that other person from your mind.

Then afterwards... well... that other being will be gone.

However, after seeing you look at his bloody body in fear, he tries to keep it out of sight from you.

Just because he tries to hide it does not mean he doesn't kill for you.

While in 2018 he tries to be calmer, he still finds himself overcome with rage at times.

He'd never harm you as you're mortal though.

He has a past with accidental family murder.

Despite this... Kratos does love family.

He may be a being of rage yet he'd do anything for those he loves.

Be it near impossible tasks or near death experiences... he'd probably go anywhere if it meant he had you.

By the 2018 game he cares about you and his son.

After the death of his second wife he feels you take the secondary parent role to his son.

So while he is a being of war and violence, Kratos is incredibly caring towards the one he loves.

He may not be the most passionate with affection but he is passionate in his actions.

All the bloodshed he creates?

He creates it in the name of you.

The beings he slays, the actions he takes, he learns to dedicate it to the love he feels for you.

If Kratos still has you as his darling in the 2018 era, or even meets you during this time, Kratos wishes to live with you and his son in Midgard.

If you tried to leave he'll simply drag you back into isolation with him.

Even if he has to chain you to him... Kratos is determined not to lose the one he loves again.

Maybe he'll find a way to make you immortal, just so he has you live as long as him.

He'd do anything to keep you alive and well.

Regardless on if he makes you happy or not....

Kratos doesn't plan on losing anyone else... even if it means you're unhappy

After all... he's seen the danger this world has to offer... no one else can protect you as well as he can.

#yandere god of war #yandere kratos

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creedslove · 10 months

Text

HEARTLESS 💔 - PART SEVEN

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels x f!reader)

Summary: You and Jack have a real conversation for the first time and you find out he's more vulnerable than you thought

(This is the seventh chapter of the HEARTLESS 💔 series)

Warnings: hurt, angst, hurt, angst, talk of past trauma, asshole!jack (but not really), mom!reader, and fluff because Wyatt is too cute

A/N: besties, I gotta confess 🥺 that I teared up writing this one, I don't know how you will all react, but my heart is broken for jack and reader 🥺

3.2k words

It was only evening when Wyatt finally showed signs of being tired. He loved Silver Pony so much and no matter if Jack showed him the other horses, he was hooked to your favorite girl, always clinging to her and stroking her soft fur. Silver Pony also enjoyed the affection, always hovering around the two of you gently, making your son giggle and reward both you and Jack with his sweet laughs.

The cowboy didn't interfere, he just watched the two of you having fun, his mind wandering through his thoughts. For once, he didn't think of his late wife and their unborn son, instead, he kept thinking of you and Wyatt, wondering and picturing what life would be like if he hadn't made you go away, if he'd taken care of you while you were pregnant, he was sure you were glowing and looking gorgeous, he thought of what would it be like holding you at night, stroking your pregnant bump and talking to the baby in your womb. How he would shower you in presents and you two would get the baby's room ready together. He liked imagining taking care of Wyatt as a newborn, how he would probably be afraid of holding him and you would soothe him. You two would be so happy with your beautiful little family. He thought of all the celebrations and parties that could have happened on his ranch, your engagement dinner, your wedding party, Wyatt's first birthday and so on. It shattered his heart to think he had missed out on an entire life of happiness only because he was a bad person.

He watched as the sun was setting and got up, gathering the basket and walking towards Silver Pony "I think we should head back, the sun is going down and Helen made us dinner…" he swallowed "it's your favorite sugar" he looked at you with his puppy eyes and you controlled the urge of rolling your own. It baffled you his ability of being a real dick and pretending nothing was happening, you were going to ignore what he said, but Wyatt smiled big "mommy happy?" He asked and you nodded, turning to Silver Pony "I'm very happy because I have you, my beautiful son, and also our gorgeous Silver Pony" she caressed down the mare's face and Wyatt whimpered as he couldn't reach it, so Jack quickly joined them, lifting him up and he imitated his mommy's gesture

"I wove Silvew Pony… can we take hew home, mommy?" He tilted his head in such innocent way your chest tightened and you laughed softly at him "we can't fit her in our apartment baby, otherwise I'd love to take her with us, so for now she has to stay here"

Wyatt pouted and nodded and then his face lit up as he had an amazing idea "can we wive hewe? With cowboy, mommy, Wyatt and Silvew Pony" he said happily and clapped his hands excitedly. Jack swallowed sadly and looked at you, you glanced back at him and licked your lips. As much as you wanted to punch him, you couldn't help but feel your lips tingling every time you remembered the kiss he forcefully imposed on you.

"I would love for you and your mommy to live with me, big guy, but I think mommy likes the city, but you two are always welcome here, to spend the weekend or as long as you would like" he said and rubbed Wyatt's arm, seeing his skin was cold and they should probably get back inside.

"Y/N… Wyatt is a little cold…" he said as he gently placed his big hand on your arm, startling you as you didn't expect his warm touch. "You're cold too. Here…" he told you, carefully handing you Wyatt as he took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around your body.

You didn't say much as Wyatt snuggled you, clinging to your body and yawning as your warmth spread through his body. You also tried not paying attention to Jack's scent lingering all over it. It smelled like pine, a little bit of cologne, whiskey and him. It used to be your favorite smell in the whole world, but now it only left shattered pieces of your heart behind. You nuzzled Wyatt's curls and kissed his forehead, making him giggle as you two rushed inside as Jack stayed behind to take Silver Pony back into the stable.

Helen greeted you at the door, you knew Saturdays evenings she went back to her home and would only come back on Monday, she was ready to go, but not without showering Wyatt and kisses and hugging you tight, telling you once again how happy she was to see you and how she wished you would come more often to visit them, you nodded and said goodbye, feeling happy to have seen the woman and placed Wyatt down. You took off Jack's jacket just in time to see him walk through the door and handed it back to him "thank you" you said in a low voice and turned to your son "now you're gonna get a nice warm shower, okay? So we can have yummy dinner" she told him, but he pouted and hugged his dad's legs, who knelt in front of him and stroked his cheek "mommy is right, buddy, you gotta do what she says, it's time for shower because no one likes a smelly cowboy" he winked and tickled his tummy making his son laugh.

You nodded, surprised at Jack's reinforcement as you expected low of him after he displayed his true character towards you so many times. You just assumed he would always take the easy road in order to be Wyatt's favorite, but it was good he knew you should work as a team and not as rivals.

You took Wyatt back to the guest bedroom you'd be having through the night as you would help him shower in the bathroom. He was excited to put on his horses PJs after showering, so he could show his cowboy friend how much of a cowboy himself he was. You chuckled, finding it amusing while Wyatt already got undressed by himself and got under the shower wanting to be over with it as soon as possible; though you tried starting it, no stream of water came out and you sighed, as you had no idea how to fix it, you wrapped a towel around your son and went to the stairs, calling Jack so he could assist you. He ran up the stairs as quickly as possible, excitement rushed through his veins as you were addressing him "what's wrong?" He licked his bottom lip and watched you intently

"Shower's not working" you informed him and he nodded and followed you into the bathroom. Wyatt giggled as he saw the cowboy, he shyly hid under his mommy still in his towel, waiting patiently while Jack took a look at things.

"Seems like this cowboy will have to shower somewhere else and you too sugar. You can take the bathroom in my bedroom, you know where it is and you can use the tub as well" he said with an excited smile at Wyatt "how's that buddy? Would you like to be a water cowboy tonight?" He cooed at Wyatt who nodded excitedly "pwease mommy, i want to pway watew cowboy" he pouted and you agreed, heading towards Jack's bedroom - the one that used to be yours too.

"I'll warm up dinner while you bathe him, sugar, unless you want my help…" he offered but you quickly dismissed.

After Wyatt had a blast in Jack's tub and begged you to brush your hair to the side just like the cowboy's, the three of you had dinner together. Helen had been so kind to make your favorite dish, along with some nuggets for your son, who enjoyed every second of it completely oblivious to the tension between you and his daddy.

Wyatt didn't take long to fall asleep on the couch after the amount of fun and activities he had during the week. He was so happy and enjoyed every single minute of the day and, though Jack sighed a little disappointed as he saw him already fast asleep

"I wanted to show him the bedroom I set up for him… Y/N please, I want Wyatt to keep coming here, you too, of course, so you can visit Helen and Silver Pony, but I know you hate my guts so I won't force you to come any longer, but I want my son around" he said as he sat on the edge of the couch and caressed his hair gently.

"Why did you come back after so long? I don't understand… I know you've been providing us with money here and there and that you also watched us from afar, but why now?"

You saw how tense Jack got as he looked down and took a deep breath, ready to speak but then changed his mind as Wyatt whimpered in his dream "this ain't something we should talk about in front of a kid, Y/N… go relax, take your shower and I'll tell you later" he said firmly and very gently picked up Wyatt, asking you to follow him down the hallway where he stood next to a door, which you remembered really well it was another guest bedroom, but apparently Jack had made it into Wyatt's room. He waited for you to open the door as his own hands were busy with your son and your heart warmed at how beautifully he had it made.

It was of course, all farm themed, with paintings on the wall, all kinds of animal plushies and matching furniture. You knew your son would go crazy once he saw it and you couldn't help tearing up at how thoughtful that place was. Even if things were ruined between you and Jack, maybe he could be a good father after all.

He covered Wyatt gently and pecked his forehead, turning to you and giving you another sad smile "you should go shower now, we can talk in a little while"

•••

Jack waited for you to exit the bathroom in his master room with a glass of scotch in hands and sitting down in the armchair. He felt anxious at the same time he wanted to get things done with you as soon as possible. He knew you deserved the truth, as well as his apologies though he was sure you wouldn't actually accept them, still he had to try. He wanted his son around and he could only get it if you could stand him at least a little, because even if he had blackmailed you, he didn't want to bring lawyers into the game, he didn't want to take things to the court and cause you and Wyatt more distress. He hoped he could make things civil between the two of you and he knew the way of getting into it was being honest with you.

He could hear the shower running and wondered why you hadn't bathed in the tub, as you loved doing it and very often invited him to join in with you. He felt a wave of lust hitting him, as he thought of all the time you'd spent there together, how you touched each other's bodies, your lips on him, your taste in his mouth, he was so happy and wasn't even aware that would end some day.

He was so caught up in his thoughts he barely noticed the shower went completely silent and a few minutes later, you opened the door and walked out only in your underwear, completely unaware of him at first. He gasped and felt his mouth getting dry, not expecting such a beautiful sight for his sore eyes, he licked his lips and wasn't sure if he should make his presence known, though his presence was completely explicit as he was sat there a few meters from you, under the bright lights, you were just too distracted, and he knew exactly what had caught your attention: the picture frame he had in one of his shelves. It was you and Wyatt, on his first birthday.

You didn't know how you missed it the first time you'd been into his bedroom earlier, taking your son to be bathed, but now you saw it: it was a picture of you and him. You didn't know how Jack managed to get his hands on that picture, but it was also quite shocking as you analyzed the rest of the furniture and the wall and you didn't find any pictures of his late wife. Why did he keep your pictures and not hers? It was another Jack Daniels mystery you weren't sure you wanted to find out.

You knew you would have to put up some clothes and find him, he managed to make you curious and you didn't know until what extent he needed to tell you something serious or if it was one of his games, but once you turned away and walked to his bed to get the clothes you'd left there, you finally spotted him in the armchair. Your heart nearly stopped at the sight of him there, you didn't expect to see Jack and he looked almost as shocked as you did, not believing you were flashing him your body like that.

"Fuck Jack, what are you doing here?" You raised your voice at him, anger and embarrassment formed a wave inside of you, as you immediately grabbed your towel and covered yourself.

He swallowed hard and finished his whiskey, looking embarrassed himself and rubbed the back of his neck "I didn't know you would come out of the shower without clothes, well, technically you're covering your… body" he said choosing his words carefully "but I thought you'd be fully dressed and well, you look gorgeous, even better than what I remembered, if it makes you feel any better.

You scoffed at him and shook your head

"Gorgeous? You said I looked rough this morning, Jack… you don't have to pity me. Besides, don't forget you're older than me and with the way you drink, you can start kissing your pretty face goodbye real soon, so you will definitely look rougher than me" you spat at him, not caring if that was pretty at all. You caught a hint of hurt in his eyes and that made you feel really proud even if it shouldn't have, but he immediately shook his head and stared at you.

"I deserved that" he chuckled dryly "but I didn't mean that, and I also didn't mean anything bad I told you before… I am a dick I know, but I knew you hated my guts after I made you leave and I thought to myself it would be easier for me if I just pushed you away, you hate me Y/N and you got all the right to do so, and I thought it would be less painful if I forced myself to believe I hated you too, maybe if I tried hard enough, I'd stop loving you and it would be easier to handle your rejection" he said feeling ashamed and looked down.

You sat in the other armchair, the towel covering your body as you listened to his words

"You don't look rough at all, you're as gorgeous as you were the day you walked out of my life, Y/N, you're not a bitch, and I won't get any lawyers, I promise you" he said with a small voice "I've been hurting you so you hate me more, because I will never be worthy of your love again, I lost you, but I don't wanna lose my kid, Y/N, please" he said honestly and watched as you just had a hard expression on your face

"You know Jack, the first time I saw you, I was already head over heels, you were on a mission and I had no idea, but I saw you approaching that woman and throwing your charm and she refused you. It was kind of funny, but all I could think of was that if it were me, it would've worked, you would have me wrapped around your finger…" you said "and only at the end of the night you saw me… and then when we started dating, I found out you'd been married before, and that's the problem with you, I'm always your second option, and I will always be" you shrugged "it hurts… to know I'm not the woman that's on your mind, that whenever we do something special to know you are thinking of how much you'd like to do with her instead… I don't want my son to grow up knowing he is only here because you couldn't have your first option… I don't want him to feel he has to compete with a ghost, because that's how I felt… that's even how I feel Jack, because do you even hear yourself? You would never do this to your wife…. You would never try to push her away by being cruel like you are, if it were her, you would get on your knees and beg for her forgiveness" you said and got up walking to his bed and getting your clothes. You didn't want to talk to him anymore, you were tired of being that hurt, as you tried leaving, he got up and held you by your wrist, firmly, making it clear you were only leaving that place when he wanted you to

"The reason why I wanted you and my son back in my life, is because I was shot on my last mission. I tried sabotaging the mission, but the other agent got suspicious and shot me. They took me back to Statesman and Ginger fixed me right, but she still needed to trigger my memory, so she showed me a picture of my wife, God bless her soul, and nothing happened" he licked his lips and stared into your eyes "so Ginger decided to show me a picture of you and Wyatt, and that was when everything came back all at once. Us, our relationship, our life here on the ranch. I was able to relive my memories once more, and when I got back to my senses, Champ forced me into therapy, and you know what the therapist concluded?" Your jaw dropped the moment you saw Jack had tears in his eyes, you had never seen him show that kind of emotion, he was really good at controlling his feelings and he didn't show that kind of vulnerability in front of anyone. You realized he'd asked you a question and as you swallowed hard, you shook your head, answering him.

"The therapist said I replaced one grief with another; I finally let my first wife and son rest in peace and I was grieving the loss of you and Wyatt, because I couldn't handle the guilt of making you two go away, but he reminded me you two were very much alive and I didn't want to waste any more time, I just knew I wanted my family back, and that's why I beg you for a second chance, sugar"

_____

A/N: besties, I hope you have liked this chapter and let me know your thoughts, does this cowboy deserve a second chance?

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 7 months

Text

That's What Family is For (Part 2)

Fandom: DC, Batman, Batfam, Damian Wayne, Batsis!reader, f!reader Summary: After being kidnapped and offering to take Damian's place to be tortured, you miraculously find yourself waking up back home. Damian has a new outlook on your relationship, but will a secret from your past ruin everything? Word Count: 5231 TW: Hospital, Aftermath of Torture, Mentions of Past Torture, Mentions of Death, Forced to Watch, Crying, Coma, Past Trauma Note: Today is the 2 year anniversary of posting Part 1 of this fic. Thank you so incredibly much for your patience and support as I worked on this and I hope it lives up to Part 1 💖 Part of @ailesswhumptober

Part 1

You have no idea how long you were asleep for, but when you finally managed to drag yourself into consciousness, you couldn’t remember why every inch of your body was in a strange state of concurrent numbness and agony, or why you couldn’t seem to see out of your left eye. It was only when you caught sight of the two casts stretching from the soles of your feet up to the top of your thighs that it all came flooding back to you.

You and Damian had been kidnapped in an attempt to get a ransom from Bruce. To prove they meant business, the kidnappers were going to torture Damian but you had offered to take his place. What happened next was just a blur of blood and pain: The glint of a large knife. The blunt impact of a bat. But mercifully, you couldn’t remember much else. Just that it had been bad. Really bad.

You tried to take a mental inventory of what hurt and what sort of injuries you had sustained, but there was too much damage. All the individual pain bled into each other until it just felt like one massive wound. Every breath you took made your chest, ribs, and throat ache, your head was pounding, and you couldn’t move either leg or your left arm. All you could manage was a slight turn of your head as you looked towards the door but even that small motion sent new waves of pain through you, causing a low moan to slip from your lips.

Almost instantly, Jason came rushing into the room, panic etched onto his face. Yet the second he saw you looking at him, his face split into a massive grin. The kind you couldn’t remember seeing on him since he returned from the dead. And despite everything, that sight warmed your heart.

Licking your cracked lips, you tried to speak but nothing happened. Swallowing a few times, you finally managed a barely audible, “Hey, Jaybird.”

The words sounded funny, thick and slightly lispy but Jay’s smile only widened. He hurried to your bedside and dropped into the chair that had been left there. “Damn, sis. You look terrible.”

You knew he was trying to keep the mood light, but you could hear the tears hiding just behind his words. Giving your best attempt at a smile, you croaked, “Even like this, I bet I still look better than you.”

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. “That voice though…. They said it would probably be hard to speak for a few days because of the tube and–” He cut himself off, but you knew what he was going to say. Because all your screams of pain had damaged it.

Swallowing again, you tried to make your voice sound as normal as possible. “Yeah, well, you better be careful. You keep smoking all those cigarettes, this is what you’ll sound like in a few years.”

“Even now you gotta hassle me about those?”

“If you would just quit, I wouldn’t have to get on you about the–”

Your words were cut off as your body fell prey to a fit of coughing. It tore at your throat like daggers and your chest felt like it was shattering into pieces. It only lasted for a few seconds but when it passed, you were left panting and moaning in pain.

When you finally managed to pull yourself together once more and looked back at Jason, his smile had completely vanished, replaced with a thin-lipped grimace. His eyes drifted over your broken body before returning to your face. “So… Honestly. How do you feel?”

“How do you think?” you wheezed. “Like someone ran over me with.. with a… wit– oh forget it. I’m in too much pain to think of something clever. I feel shitty.”

“What hurts?”

“The easier question is ‘what doesn’t hurt?’. And why can’t I open my left eye?”

“Alfred taped it closed for now. It looked pretty messed up.”

You nod slightly. “Permanent?”

“Not sure,” he muttered, staring down at the floor. “They had to wait until you woke up to fully assess the damage.”

You nodded again, the dread growing in the pit of your stomach. But you have to know the answer to your next question, no matter how terrifying the answer might be. In a small voice, you ask, “How bad overall?”

Jason hesitated. “Maybe you should wait for Bruce or Alfred to–”

“How bad, Jay?”

Still avoiding your eye, he shifted in his chair before answering. “Bad. The worst of the damage is on your left side. Your arm was dislocated, your cheekbone was destroyed, you’re missing several teeth, and your eye is… well, I already mentioned that. Also, most of your ribs were pretty much shattered and the ones that weren’t are cracked. The pieces punctured your lungs in multiple places. Your legs…The knives thankfully missed all the major arteries, but Alfred said there still might be some nerve damage.”

“Is that all?” You had meant for the question to be sarcastic, but the quiver in your voice made it sound more like a desperate plea.

Jason took a long, deep breath. “It also took eight surgeries, four blood transfusions, and three resuscitations to get you stable.”

“Yeah, that feels about right.” You clenched your jaw tightly as you struggled to hold back your tears, but that just sent a fresh jolt of pain through your mouth. Using your tongue, you gently prod the three new gaps where teeth used to be. No wonder your words sounded funny.

In a soft whisper, you asked, “I’m done, aren’t I? There’s no coming back from this, not really. Even if I can get back to a halfway normal state, I’m never going to be able to put the costume back on. No going on patrol, no more protecting the city, no more being a hero.”

A small sob bubbled in your throat. When Bruce had taken you in all those years ago, you were a mess. Every night, you woke up screaming from nightmares—memories—of watching your parents tortured to death in front of you while you were helpless to do anything. You had felt so powerless. But then Bruce told you about his secret life. That he was the man in the mask who had rescued you from that horrible place. And he taught you how to be strong, how to be for others what he had been for you. He had given your life a purpose but now….it had been taken from you just like your parents had been.

As the tears began to slip down your face, Jason carefully took your hand, rubbing the back with his thumb as he leaned in to stare you directly in your good eye. “Hey, don’t think that way. Bruce was able to come back from a broken back, I came back from the dead, and you… you can come back from this. It’s not gonna be easy and it’ll take a lot of hard work, but if anyone can do it, you can.”

The tears began to flow faster as you finally let the sob you had been holding back free. Squeezing Jason’s hand as tightly as you were able, you cried, “Thank you, Jay. Thank you for everything. I can’t even imagine making it through what comes next without my brothers by my side.”

Jason snatched his hand back from your grasp and pushed back in his chair, his expression growing dark as he spat, “Don’t. Don’t thank me. While you were sacrificing everything for Damian, while you were lying there dying, I was here. Too weak to help you when you needed me most.”

“Jay–”

“I wanted to be there, I did, I just…” His sharp tone crumbled into a near sob as he buried his face in his hands. “I was fine until he picked up the bat. Then it all came rushing back. All I could see was the Joker standing over me with that crowbar and…and I….” His hands muffled his cries, but you could still see the way his shoulders shook as he sobbed.

You had forgotten that they had sent a live feed of your torture to all of Wayne Industries which was probably how Bruce had located you and Damian. Jason never talked about what had happened to him all those years ago in that warehouse, but you had been waiting in the Batcave when Bruce had brought Jason’s body home. You still remembered the bruises and blunt force trauma that couldn’t have been made from the explosion. And you also recalled how the sight of your brother’s broken form sent you into a hysterical fit, not only over the loss of the boy you loved like family but also because it brought back all of the scars from your parents’ deaths. You had felt incredibly guilty later once Bruce and Alfred calmed you down that you had made Jason’s death all about you and your past traumas. But Bruce reminded you that your pain and grief was valid, whenever it hit you, and despite the circumstances, you needed to take care of yourself first or you weren’t going to be able to help anyone else.

Just like Jason needed to take care of whatever horrors he had relived before coming to help you.

It took a lot of determination and concentration, but you slowly moved your hand towards Jason. Luckily, he was sitting on your right side since that was the only arm you could move at the moment, but it still took an achingly long time to close the short distance between you.

As you lay your hand on his shoulder, his head jerked up. When he saw what you had done, his eyes—the blue magnified by the tears about to fall—grew wide. Smiling, you brushed your fingertips lightly across his cheek and said, “Jay, I understand why you didn’t come. There was nothing you could have done and you needed a chance to deal with your own pain. And I’m sorry that I was the reason you had to relive that experience.”

Jason shook his head furiously and clutched at your hand. “No! This was not your fault! All you did was protect Damian. The only person to blame is that psychopath Moore.” His face darkened. “Bruce better be glad they threw that son of a bitch in Blackgate because if he had gotten away, nothing and no one would have stopped me from hunting him down and putting a bullet between his eyes.”

“See? You are such a loving, protective brother who would do anything for me.” His expression softened slightly. “Besides, you even just admitted. Moore is the only one to blame here. Not me, and not you. So, please, don’t beat yourself up over this. I’m still here and I need you now more than ever.” You squeezed his hand as tightly as you were able and after a moment, he returned both the squeeze and the smile. You nodded softly then changed the subject. “How is Damian handling all of this?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Jason nodded towards the other side of the room.

It took you a moment and quite a bit of pain to turn your head enough so your right eye could see where he was gesturing, but when you managed it, your smile grew wider.

Curled into a tight ball, Damian was fast asleep on the couch on the far side of the room. He looked so small and it reminded you that despite his upbringing, he was still just a kid, which made you feel better about your condition. If one of you had to be lying in this bed, you would have offered yourself up every time.

Jason chuckled softly to himself as he saw your face. “He’s barely left the room since they brought the two of you home. Bruce tried getting him to go back to school the last two days, but he flat-out refused. Said he wasn’t going anywhere until you woke up.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like Damian.”

“Well, I think his actual words were ‘Tt. Father, I cannot be bothered with those trivial lessons while my sister’s fate is still uncertain. I am needed here. Yes, I have a geography test next week, but I have traveled to more countries than my so-called teacher could even possibly name. This is more important.’”

Despite the mocking—though fairly accurate—impression Jason had made, your eyes welled up with tears once more. Damian had called you ‘sister’. It was the first time you could ever remember him doing so. No. That wasn’t true. He had said it when Bruce and Dick had shown up to save them. In fact, the echoing word was the last thing you remembered before the world had gone dark.

Swallowing hard to clear your throat, you asked, “Um, do you think…Would he be upset if I asked you to wake him up?”

“Yo! Demon Spawn! Wake up!” Before you could stop him, Jason hurled a pillow across the room so it slammed into Damian’s sleeping form.

The kid instantly leaped to his feet in a crouched position, ready to take on any and all attackers. But he straightened up when he saw Jason’s smug grin and your weak smile staring back at him instead. Rushing to your side, he said, “Sister! You are awake!”

You tilted your head slightly to look at him better. “So are you. Sorry for the rude wake-up. That was all Jay.”

“Hey!” Jason huffed indignantly. “You asked me to wake him up and I did! You just never said how.”

Damian glared at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Yes, Todd has been exceedingly insufferable this last week while you have been injured—”

“W-week? I’ve been out of it for a week?” You felt your blood run cold. You knew things were bad, but for some reason the thought of you laying in this bed unconscious for the past 7 days made your condition seem so much worse.

Jason and Damian exchanged a worried look. Then Jason cleared his throat and said, “Yeah…. It's been eight days since you and Damian were kidnapped. They had to keep you in a medically induced coma for the first five days while they operated. Then when they brought you out, they had to dope you up with so many pain meds that you were out of it even when you were awake. They tried to lower your dose but they had to up them again when they removed the breathing tube and you wouldn’t stop moaning…So, yeah. It’s been a week.”

You let your head fall back against the pillow as tears began to sting your eyes. Obviously, it would have taken you time to recover from that level of injury, but a week? No, actually, eight days. And that was just the start of your recovery. The amount of time, therapy, and hard work it would take you just to be able to stand again, let alone walk or fight, was dizzying to think about. Despite the fact Jason had reassured you differently, you didn’t see how you weren’t done after this. How were you supposed to bounce back?

As the tears finally became too much and began slipping down your face, you whispered, “You all should have just let me go.”

“No!” The ferocity in Damian’s voice startled you and you looked over to see his small hands curled into tight fists as his face bore a determined scowl that could rival Bruce’s. “No. You do not get to give up. Not now. Not now that the worst of it is behind you. You never once gave up while we were captured. Despite everything that sadistic fiend did to you, you fought to protect me. We would not have been in that situation if it was not for me and I will repay my debt to you by remaining by your side to ensure you get through this.”

You stared at Damian for a long time, a mix of pride, adoration, and guilt stirring in your chest. Seeing how he wanted to stand by you and help you through what came next meant the world to you. The Damian who climbed into your car eight days ago wouldn’t have done so. However, you couldn’t let him make such a vow without knowing all the facts.

Shifting your eye to look at Jason, you muttered, “Can you give us a minute alone?”

He hesitated, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and his younger brother, but finally, he nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go let everyone else know you’re not only awake but coherent this time. They’ll want to see you.”

“Thanks, Jay. I’ll have Damian let you know when we’re done.”

He nodded, shot Damian one last look, and left the room.

Now that you were alone, you carefully motioned for Damian to take the chair Jason had been sitting in earlier and he silently did as you wished…for once. He looked so small compared to the memory of Jason’s hulking form sitting there just moments before and tears once more stung your eyes as it hit you all over again how young he was to have experienced what the two of you just went through. You hadn’t planned on having this conversation until you were a little better, but he deserved to know the truth and not continue blaming himself for what happened.

Taking a deep breath, you said, “It’s not your fault, Dami. He was never after you. You were only there because of me.”

“Tt,” Damian scoffed, folding his arms across his chest. “You have no proof of that. As you said in that warehouse, I am Father’s blood heir. If anyone was the target, it would have been me.”

You shook your head. “It was my car, Damian. The car I insisted you get in even though you didn’t want to. If I would’ve just let you walk home like you wanted–”

“They could have been monitoring me and adjusted their plans when I joined you in your vehicle. You still cannot be confident–”

“I know Moore.”

Damian blinked in surprise. “Yo–you what?”

You nodded sadly. “I know him. I didn’t realize it at first because it was so long ago and I’ve tried so hard to forget that day, but it was him. After I had passed out from Moore’s torture, they unhooked me from the chains and just let me drop to the floor. The pain of the landing woke me up for just a minute and I tried to beg them to put me back up because I knew otherwise they’d be coming for you, but I was in so much pain I could barely form a sentence. Moore saw I was awake and came to stand over me with that nauseatingly cocky look on his face.”

You shuttered at the memory of it and knew it was an image that would haunt your nightmares for years to come. But you pressed on. “Then he said, ‘For what it’s worth, you should be proud. You died a lot more honorably than your parents did.’ And that’s when I remembered.”

Tears slipped from your eyes as you allowed all the walls and safeguards you had built up over the years to finally come down and you recalled the night your life changed forever. “It’s been so long and he was just a kid, no older than Tim. But then again, I was even younger.” Taking a deep breath, you looked up at Damian. “How much do you know about my life before Bruce took me in?”

Damian shrugged one shoulder. “Just what I said in the car. Your parents were tortured to death by a gang who left you tied up with their bodies until the police found you. Then when he heard what happened and that you had no one left, Father took you in.”

You nodded and wiped a tear from your eye. “My parents owned a little shop near Crime Alley at the time. It was a hole-in-the-wall thrift store that barely made enough to put food on the table but my parents loved that place. It was their pride and joy so when the local gang came by to demand protection money, they refused. They didn’t want their place associated with gangsters. Which of course the gang didn’t like. We lived in a small apartment above it and one night, the gang broke in while we were sleeping. I was only six at the time and I didn’t understand what was happening. I just knew some bad people dragged us out of bed and into the basement where they tied us all up to chairs. I was sitting between my parents as they begged and pleaded for our lives, but even then I still didn’t understand. Not until one of the men pulled out a knife.”

A humorless chuckle fell softly from your lips. “I guess in hindsight, I should have remembered Moore sooner. The way he tortured and hurt me was very similar to what the gang did to my parents. Just small cuts that got deeper and deeper. Small weapons that got more and more damaging until….”

A small hiccupy sob slipped from your lips as everything came flooding back to you. Your father screaming in pain as the gang broke bone after bone and cut off his fingers one by one. Your mother hysterically sobbing as she begged them to let you all go. The way those pleas eventually shifted to just begging them to let you go. And then the eerie silence that fell across the room after your mother had taken her last breath.

Damian took your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It is alright, sister. You do not have to continue.”

You shot him an appreciative smile but shook your head. “No. It’s okay.” Taking several deep breaths to compose yourself, you continued. “There was one gang member who stayed huddled in the corner, refusing to watch as the rest of the gang had their fun.”

“Moore.”

You nodded. “I didn’t know it at the time, but yeah. He had started by anxiously pacing around at the back of the room but once things turned really violent….he couldn’t take it. He tried to run back upstairs but the gang forced him to stay and watch. Said he needed to learn how things were done. And after the other day, I’d say he learned his lesson pretty well.”

“And you are certain it was him?”

“Absolutely. I stared at him through most of it, partly because I couldn’t stand to watch what they were doing to my parents, but also partly because I could tell he was just as horrified as I was and yet he did nothing to stop it. I wanted to scream at him to help us, to do something, but I also was too afraid to speak up. And when they were done and the gang members left, he was the last one out of the room. He looked at me as if he wanted to apologize or set me free or…I don’t know. But instead, he just turned and ran up the stairs. The next time I saw him was when he walked into that room we were both chained up in.” You scoffed as you felt a lump growing in your throat. “I guess we picked up right where we left off, huh?”

The physical damage that had been done to you was hard enough to bear, but now realizing the connection your tormentor had to your past made you want to vomit. Moore may not have laid a finger on you back then, but he had been there to witness the worst day of your life. His friends had been the ones who did the same thing to your parents—only your parents hadn’t been lucky enough to survive. You wondered how long Moore had been planning this, how long he had wanted to finish the job that had been started all those years ago. Perhaps it was some sort of decades-long revenge plot since your parents’ deaths had eventually led to the arrest of most of the other gang members and the collapse of his gang. Or it was possible he just wanted to blackmail Bruce as he said and he thought using you to do it was just a bonus. Jason said Moore had been taken to Blackgate so once you were better, you could go try to get some answers. But at the moment, you weren’t sure if you even wanted them.

You had been so deep in thought that you only just realized that Damian had been silently staring down at your interlocked hands for the past few minutes. His expression was nigh-on unreadable and you were once again reminded of Bruce. Given enough time, support, and guidance, you could see him growing into a man worthy to carry on his father’s legacy. You just hoped he would want you to be around to see it.

You wouldn’t blame Damian if his attitude towards you reverted back to how it was before all of this happened. After all, he was put through hell because of you. He had warmed up to you solely because you had offered yourself up to be tortured instead of him—yet he never should have been there in the first place. Maybe this would actually make your relationship worse. Maybe Damian would cut you off completely. Maybe—

“Sister, I cannot imagine how hard this realization must have been for you and I…I am sorry.”

His voice cut through your internal spiraling and you blinked in surprise. “Wh-what?” With all the scenarios you had swirling around in your head, hearing Damian apologize had never even crossed your mind. “But Dami you’re not…mad?”

Now it was his turn to look surprised. “Why would I be mad?”

“I’m the reason you were there. I thought once you knew the whole story and realized that, you would hate me for getting you dragged into everything. Or at least–” you dropped your gaze down to the bed “–at least I thought you’d go back to not really liking me.”

“Oh…” The small boy shifted in his chair. “I can understand why you may have come to that conclusion but knowing your history with Moore does not change how I feel about what you did for me. You saved me long before you remembered who he was or your connection to him. And even that still does not prove you were the one he was after, not me. I am the youngest and, as such, am perceived to be the most vulnerable and incapable of protecting myself—Tt, though in reality, it is Drake who fits that description.”

You smiled as you shook your head. Tim would disagree with that statement, but Damian’s point was still valid. To those who did not know of his past upbringing or training, it would be easy to dismiss him as a young, spoiled, entitled brat who never had to lift a finger his entire life. But they couldn’t be farther from the truth. Despite being a kid, Damian had already experienced more than 90% of people would in their lifetime. Hell, when he was the same age you were when you watched your parents die, he had already been training for years with the League of Assassins. Moore had just gotten lucky when he grabbed the two of you: if Damian hadn’t woken up hurt and already chained up, he probably could have incapacitated every one of your kidnappers.

Damian continued. “Regardless of who the target was, it does not change the fact you volunteered yourself in my place when they wanted to take me. And despite the pain you were in, you tried to hold on as long as possible so I would not be forced to take your place. How could any other detail matter except my sister loves me enough to die for me?”

The lump in your throat got bigger until you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You managed to nod your head quickly and repeatedly as you choked out, “I would. Because I do. I do love you, Damian.” He stared down at the floor, shifting once more in his chair as his fist tightened around yours. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. You knew how hard it was for him but you could see he wanted to say it and that was enough. So, squeezing his hand back, you whispered, “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.”

His shoulders dropped with visible relief and he gave you a small, grateful smile. Then, in a tiny voice, he muttered, “But I do though.”

It was the final straw. Tears began flowing down your cheeks as a small cry burst from behind your lips. There was a sharp pain in your chest as you disturbed your injuries, but it seemed unimportant at the moment. You tried to control yourself as much as possible, knowing emotions and displays of affection bothered Damian, but it was all too overwhelming. For so long you had tried to get him to at least tolerate you, but this? This was more than you ever dared to hope for.

Damian sat quietly as you took a moment to compose yourself. Despite the added pain you incurred from your crying, you couldn’t remember feeling this happy in a while…..or this worn out. Now that you had cleared the air with Damian and everything was better than expected, you realized how much you had been struggling to stay awake.

Another wave of exhaustion hit you and it took almost everything you had to murmur, “I know Jay said everyone was waiting to see me but I think….I think I need to rest for a bit. Could you ask them to wait until I take a small nap?”

He nodded. “Of course, sister. Whatever you need.”

“Thanks, Dami.”

You expected him to leave but instead, he squeezed your hand hard and looked you dead in the eye. “I mean it. Whatever you need. You will heal and things will return to normal. And I will be by your side for all of it.”

You smiled up at him, fighting to keep your eyes open. “Thank you, Dami.”

He laid your hand gently back on the bed before standing from his chair and walking to the door. He glanced over his shoulder at you one last time, nodded, and then disappeared.

With no reason left to hold on, you let yourself collapse back into the bed as you gave into the darkness that was dancing on the edge of your vision.

And as you felt yourself being pulled under to unconsciousness once more, you couldn’t help but smile. Despite everything that had happened and the long road to recovery that lay before you, you had a father and four brothers who loved you and would be by your side through all of it. Because at the end of the day, that’s what family is for. And you were so thankful to have found this family.

Taglist: @zebralover, @itzagothamcitysiren, @roses-and-ricex, @blackpearl2324, @po55um, @missborntodiex, @hypnobanditprofessorhorse-blog, @an-ever-angry-bi, @rukia-uchiha-98, @shipsforlif3, @dumb-fawkin-bitch, @hyding-out-here, @555hikaii, @nik2blog, @thefictionalcharacterssimp, @venomsvl, @sugarysweetsandpainfulteeth, @your-friendly-neighborhood-al, @hellfire-fan-club

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captainjacklyn · 7 months

Text

Love, Love, Love Part 2-ish

A/N : continuation of this and this, hope you liked the first part because I'm on an absolute roll. To all those waiting for a continuation of many of my series, I am so sorry. I'm serious guys pls forgive me I know it's been a really long time since and I still need to finish other requests I started.

Context : Rollo gets transferred to NRC for a few months, The Headmaster decides that he would be staying at Ramshackle Dorm much to Malleus' dismay (along with grim and the first years who are aware of the truth). Yuu doesn't find it nice either but with time they allow the third year to open up to them, eventually growing mutual respect for one another, perhaps some friendship..and a bit more.

Warning(s) : fluff, mostly crack, hints of rollo liking Yuu, this is a continuation of some sort to my joke so pls understand that it isn't from the beginning, Rollo might be OOC he's just scared of Yuu, they/them pronouns for Prefect, the first years who weren't present in glorious masquerade find out and try to push rollo away. (it doesn't work) is this stolen from peter rabbit ? Yes. Most. but not all of it.

The story starts...now ?

Something suspicious was stirring around the 'relationship' between Yuu and the strange newcomer. At least it looked like it to their close friends who were already bitter about the idea of that religious trauma-induced student coming but even more so when that horrible influence hung around their prefect.

It wasn't as if they didn't trust Yuu, they didn't trust him ! He was being all close with their mom friend pal, knowing what he did, they weren't going to stand around and do nothing. They're gonna do something about it, about him.

It all began the day the Adeuce duo and Epel witnessed Yuu casually speaking with grey haired priest and HE WAS SMILING?! OH HELL NAH GET YOUR EYEBALLS OFF OF THEM- but truly they misunderstood, for now at least, since most of the resident's interactions regarded around Yuu, threatening Flamm..Of ripping his guts out.

"Ace, Deuce!" Grim shouted through the halls as he ran towards them, the both of them turned around to see the raccoon panting and wheezing from his sprint. "Hey there Grim- Woah what was that?~ You trynna imitate being a cheetah now?" Ace teased, his remark making the fire cat retort with a 'hey!' before Deuce stepped in to ask the obvious question. "What's wrong?" forgetting his comeback, Grim immediately switched back to panic mode.

"My Henchman! A-A-And that weird suspicious dude! They're SPENDING TIME TOGETHER AND BEING ALL WEIRD MUSHY LOOKING!" He exclaimed, his revelation shocking the two freshmen who's eyes widened in horror. "What- How?! Didn't prefect say they hated that guy?" Ace sputtered as he tried making sense of the situation, he was a bit confused as to why he was reacting this way but with the amount of braincells left he couldn't care anymore.

"That's what I thought! But this morning I found them- laughing and talking to each other!" he added more fuel to the fire, ace and deuce exchanged concerned glances and spoke in unison. "We gotta get the others."

"Yes !" Grim smiled as he threw a fist in the air. It took a good second for him to realize they didn't say what he thought they would.

"...Wait what- AH!" But he didn't have time to argue as they grabbed him by the neck and made their way to find the others.

Passing through Savannaclaw, Pomefiore and Diasomnia almost felt like an eternity to fetch Jack, Epel and Sebek. Especially the half-fae as he was persistent on the idea of staying by his future king's side during the entire duration of Rollo's stay. After sharing the news, they all bolted to Ramshackle dorm, and there they saw it.

Yuu was having a conversation with the same young man that dropped them down a trap door when they came around for a celebration. The same young man who tried to erase magic forever. And they were speaking like they've been friends for years.

The group of first years were hiding behind a tree, in between the gates of the not-so-abandoned dorm. All of their heads comically poking out to take a peek at the flabbergasting sight. "That's a lot of smiling." Epel commented as he watched the prefect supposedly laugh at something Rollo said. (They weren't, they quite literally started to laugh because of Rollo's genuinely terrified face) "More than before even." he continued, Ace added on with another remark, "They're showing a lot of teeth."

Then, Jack made a very bold statement which earned collective noises of disgust from the rest of the team. "Do you think they like him?" Sebek's face morphed into horror, Grim started gagging, Deuce looked like he was going through fifty existential crisis all at the same time, meanwhile Ace was debating on what he should express. Either way they were all mortified.

"They don't like him, they're just being nice! Yuu is nice all the time, they always smile at us!" the grey monster retorted, denying any further supposition. "Well..not like that." They flipped their heads towards the pair, and Yuu's hand rested on Rollo's shoulder as he chuckled nervously.

"Could you imagine? You trying to take over the world again? What a joke ! I would bury you alive honestly!" the non-magic student exclaimed as they broke into another loud laughter. Rollo could only nod along a little offended but mostly nervous, "Right yes no that would- that won't ever happen." "Yes because I will actually force-feed you the flowers you tried killing us with."

"😨"

"😄"

Yay. Part 3 coming up soon.

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mysecretlittlelibrary · 1 year

Text

It All Comes To Light

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: uhhh general angst- Hydra trauma & forced terminated pregnancy

Genre: angst & fluff

Summary: When Steve learns another detail of your traumas from Hydra you end up telling Bucky one of your most well-kept secrets

***

Your eyes snap up at the slap of a manila folder on your desk where you're sketching. Steve is leaning against the wall by your door with his arms folded.

"What's with the folder?" You ask him with a confused frown.

"I knew you were taken by Hydra but you didn't tell me about this. Why not?" He asks. You let out a sigh as you flip it open. Nothing could have prepared you for what you were going to read in that folder. You went through a lot when Hydra kidnapped you and it's not a time you like to remember.

"H-how did you get this?" You ask him.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Steven,howdid you find this information? I'm serious."

"My last recon mission." He tells you.

"You had a recon mission at a Hydra base?"

"Well I wasn't sure if that's what it was but we found a bunch of their files there. This included. Tony was sorting them and when he saw your name he figured you'd feel more comfortable with me reading it."

"I would feel more comfortable reading it my damn self." You huff.

"I know but Tony thought that less biased eyes would be better in case there's some information we need."

"So now that you haven't found anything useful you figured you'd confront me about unshared trauma?"

"I haven't talked to Tony about the folder. And I won't. I just- we talked about what happened during your time at Hydra why, why didn't you tell me aboutthis?"

"Because Steven it was traumatic! I don't like to think about it. Everything about that time was awful but this? This was another level of cruelty to me. I love you but you can't expect me to share every detail of my time there. Has Bucky? He has nightmares still, does he tell you what happens in them? Do you expect him to? That is your best friend and Iknowhe doesn't recount his horrors in specificity. He doesn't share them all with me and that's a trauma we have in common. Why would I have told you about this?"

"Wait does Bucky know?" Steve asks.

"Absolutely not. Why would I tell him?" You shake your head.

"Why not? I think this concerns him."

"Not really. At the time I was forbidden from telling him. I mean they hardly even let me see him after that happened. Even if I could tell him it's not like they'd let him remember and it's been so long. We're different people now and we're in a good place. Both individually and together. I don't- I don't think there's any reason to tell him about any of it. I went through it, it almost broke me, and eventually, I healed. It took a long time but it happened before y'all found me. I don't think that's a wound I need to reopen just to share it with Bucky. He wasn't with me, he couldn't be and I think making him aware of that would hurt him more than he needs." You shrug.

"Y/n- I'm sorry you went through that and that you had to do it alone." Steve sighs.

"It's fine Stevie it's over. But- you haveto keep it to yourself. If you've gotta give the file back to Tony do it but Bucky doesn't need to know any of that. Can you respect my decision?" You stand up and hand the folder back to Steve.

"Of course, and I'll make sure Tony knows as well."

"Thank you." You mutter.

"I just- I have one last question."

"Ask away."

"I don't understand why they never told Bucky or why they forbid you from telling him. Even after it happened."

"It made me a distraction to Bucky. They made sure I- I wasn't a problem anymore it's why he barely remembers me from that time." You mutter.

"A distraction? To Bucky?" Steve frowns.

"Look I-" you stop yourself when you realize Bucky is walking into your room and Steve practically freezes when he turns around to look at you.

"What's this about you being a distraction?" Bucky frowns.

"Steve and I were just- talking about-"

"You being a distraction I heard. Have I ever made you feel like a distraction?" Bucky asks.

"No. Not you. It was- he had a question about something Hydra related."

"I'm confused why would Hydra have anything to do with you being a 'distraction'?"

"I wasalwaysa distraction for their precious Winter Soldier. It's why you don't remember much about our time together. They made sure to take care of any possibility of that." You muse.

"Y/n." Steve looks at you with a conflicted expression.

"You're being evasive on purpose aren't you?" Bucky's eyes dart between you and Steve.

"Tell him y/n." Steve sighs.

"Steve!" You glare at him.

"He deserves to know."

"You agreed to respect my decision."

"Yeah but now he's asking about it just- tell him."

"Hi yeah I'm still in the room." Bucky crosses his arms. "Y/n, what is he talking about?" He asks you and you sigh.

"I was pregnant and I never told you because Hydra made sure there was nothing to tell." You don't look at either of them as you talk.

"You were pregnant?" Bucky whispers.

"Yeah."

"And Steve, you told him?"

"Steve found outtoday because of a file found during a mission and asked me about it. I told him not to tell you because it was a long time ago and it's not something I like to rehash. The distraction thing is- about why you never knew."

"It was my kid?" Bucky's brows knit together when he asks.

"Of course it was. They separated us because of it. You couldn't know and they couldn't let it happen again. It's part of why your memories of me are so vague."

"When you say they made sure there was nothing to tell-"

"They terminated the pregnancy." You say.

"Y/n-" Bucky breathes out your name with sadness in his eyes.

"It was for the best in the end." You shrug.

"For the best? They took our child away from you and you think that was for the best?" Bucky is incredulous.

"Did you forget how they treated us? Kept us in cages? You were there Bucky. How could a child be expected to endure that? Be realistic here we would not have had that child even if I gave birth to them. I'd have the kid and the moment they can walk those monsters would take them. He'd learn to shoot before he could count to one hundred. And as soon as they think he's old enough they'd start testing and there are only two ways that would've gone. The child turns out like you, or like me. So they keep them; a miracle, the Winter Solider can be genetically replicated through reproduction. Now, on top of all the other horrible shit they did to us, we're turned into breeding cows because the successful genetic mutation of one child means they'd now start trying to find what parts of your DNA and what parts mine make the best fucking super baby. They'd probably move the kid too, who at this point has spent so many years in this lab without us that they don't even know their parents. Or they move us, either way, we never see them or each other again. And the alternative; the kid's not like either of us. They have no use for a regular kid, so they throw them to the fucking wolves we still never see that child again. You and I both know we could not protect a child in that environment so yeah, I think it's for the best that they did not force me to bring a child into a world where neither of their parents could protect them." Your voice is loud by the end of your rant. It's a story you've walked through a hundred times before. Having Hydra end your pregnancy was hard, but you know it would be much harder to have a baby in that place knowing what it's like to be there.

"Y/n-" Bucky's voice is soft.

"Maybe it's cold to rationalize it this way but it's the only way I survived all the hell they put me through and I willnotfeel bad about it."

"You shouldn't feel bad." He tells you. "You're right, I mean- you usually are. I guess I just, you've had all the time in the world to think about it. I'm only just processing all of this information right now. I didn't even know I could have kids." He frowns.

"Neither did I. They caught it so quick, before I even knew it was happening." You shake your head. Bucky wraps his arms around you in a tight hug that has tears stinging your eyes.

"I'm sorry you've been carrying this alone." Bucky says.

"Y/n- I'm really sorry for forcing you to go back down that road. You have our support. Always. I shouldn't have asked. It's- not my business." Steve mutters.

"It's fine Steve, you're my friend. It's not unreasonable that you'd ask about it." You sigh.

"No one likes reliving their trauma, but nothing that happened to you there will ever make anyone here love you less. Okay?" Bucky looks at you.

"I know."

Sometimes it's hard to deal with, what happened to you there was beyond imaginable but it's part of your story. You can't erase it even if you lock it away in the recesses of your mind and while you'll never say you're okay with that trauma, you know without it you wouldn't be where you are now. It was the worst time of your life but you came out the other side to something better than you ever thought you'd get.

***

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst

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hbyrde36 · 7 months

Text

STWG Drabble 9/30/23

Prompt: Drunk talk

It was 2am, and Steve was sitting on the kitchen floor huddled around the phone, gripping the handset like it was a lifeline. It only rang twice before Robin picked up. She'd begged her parents to install an extra phone line in her room after Starcourt, and they gave in quickly once they realized it was either that, or getting woken up regularly by middle of the night panicked phone calls from the boy their daughter swore she wasn’t dating. Her parents didn’t know what had really happened to the two kids, just that whatever it was had left them with a lot of trauma and a little bit of codependency, but they loved their daughter, so they did what they could to make her happy.

“Steve?” Robin yawned his name into the phone, a hint of concern coloring her voice even though she was only half awake.

“Robbi-” Steve choked out through a sob that was punctuated with a hiccup. “I thhhink I fuccked up.”

“Are you drunk?” She asked, sounding a little more awake.

Steve snapped his fingers, pointing as if she was in the room with him. “Guessed it’n one.” He slurred a little, sniffling as he tried to speak. It was a wonder she understood him at all.

“Jesus, how much did you have? Wait, weren’t you and Eddie supposed to be hanging out tonight?”

“Oh Eddie” Steve sighed dramatically. “Eddie, he wasss here, he..oh god.. Robin I fuuucked up so bad - e’s never going to tttalk to me again.”

“What happened?” She asked.

Steve cleared his throat and took a few deep breaths. Trying hard to sober himself up.

“We were drinking.” He managed the three words with much less slurring than before, he thought Robin should be impressed.

She wasn’t.

“Clearly”

“Don’ be mean, i’m upset!” Steve groaned.

“Sorry, go on.”

“And I knew I shouldn’t have let myself drink so much but I did and god, Robin, he looked so hot!” Steve rambled on. “He had his hair up and a crop top on and I couldn’t help myself…. I all but sat on his lap when we decided to watch a movie.”

“I’m failing to see the issue here. You were flirting with him, so what? You like him, he likes you.”

“We don’t know that!” Steve hissed.

“We do know that! And I've been telling you to ask him out for weeks!.”

Steve hesitated, a little of his old panic rising in his chest. “I…i wasn’t ready.”

Robin’s tone softend. “That’s okay, you’re allowed to not be ready.”

“I think I am now, but…” He trailed off.

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“Eddie kissed me.” Steve said simply, as if that explained everything. In fairness to his booze soaked mind, it did.

“I’m gonna need you to elaborate, babe.”

“I freaked out, Robin! I freaked out and he thought I was freaking out because I didn't want him to kiss me, but really I was freaking out because I like him so much, and the kiss! Oh, the kiss was amazing. I had no idea that kissing could feel like that, but then I panicked because - what if I mess it up, Robin? What if I mess up with Eddie like I did with Nancy? I don’t know if I could survive that again.”

Robin was quiet for a long moment before she said anything.

“Shit, Steve. Do you…feel the same way about him as you did about Nance?”

“I think I do, Robs, I think I'm in love with him, but it doesn’t matter because I already ruined it.”

“Is that true?”

Steve’s heart sank as a deep voice sounded behind him.

He heard Robin suck in a breath on the other end of the line. He looked up, already knowing what he would find. Sure enough, Eddie was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, jacket on and keys still in hand. How long had he been standing there? Did he come back, or had he never left?

“Is that..?” Robin started to ask, but Steve cut her off. “Yeah, it is, um. I gotta go, I'll call you tomorrow.” He hung up before she could respond, never taking his eyes off the boy in the doorway.

Steve gulped audibly. “How much of that did you hear?”

Eddie shuffled his feet, looking nervous. It wasn’t something Steve was used to seeing on the other boy, he usually exuded confidence.

“I guess that depends.” Eddie replied.

“On?”

“How much of it did you mean?”

“All of it.” Steve answered quickly, eager to fix the mess he’d made of things.

Eddie pressed his lips together in a thin line, thinking. “Are you sure it’s not just because you’re drunk and sad?” He said, finally.

“If you stay, I'll say it again in the morning.”

Eddie smiled and shook his head. He walked over and sat down on the floor next to Steve, taking his hand and entwining their fingers. “What a line, Stevie.”

Steve ducked his head. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

Eddie raised their clasped hands to his mouth and pressed his lips to the back of Steve’s fingers.

“I’m sorry too. I left and didn’t give you the chance to explain. I got into my van and even started it, but I couldn't leave. I didn’t want to run anymore. I came back inside so we could talk about it. I hoped you would forgive me for kissing you and we could still be friends.”

“I don’t want to be just friends, Eddie. Can we try the kiss again?”

Eddie squeezed his hand and stood up, pulling Steve along with him.

“Let’s get you to bed, and if you feel the same way in the morning I would be happy to have a do-over.”

Steve pouted but allowed Eddie to lead him out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom.

“Don’t pout, baby. You’re really drunk, and it would feel too much like I was taking advantage of you. Let’s just go to sleep, I promise I'll still be here in the morning.”

Baby.

“Will you sleep in here with me if I swear to keep my hands to myself?” Steve asked.

Eddie usually slept on the couch or the guest room when he stayed over. Steve had always hated it, but he had never been brave enough to ask Eddie to stay with him until now.

Eddie chuckled. “Yea, Stevie. I’ll stay with you.”

#stwgdailyprompt #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #stranger things

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smok3r7 · 5 months

Text

Latching On To You

Joel Miller x F!reader

Explicit, 18+

Chapter one: History Lesson

Series Masterlist & My Main Masterlist - My Ao3

Series summary: What happens when, after thirteen loving years of being with Joel, you start to feel like he’s slipping away from your grasp? How much of yourself will you lose because of the trauma your father put you through, at such a young age? You could be wrong about Joel, but something is telling you otherwise - or are you just not healed enough to see past your own insecurities?

Chapter summary: The beginning of you and Joel is a story that most can’t relate to, truly one of a kind. The history between your father and you, explains how the trauma shaped your mind and future. You and Joel have a bond like siblings for the longest time, but as you grow older and independent, a stronger connection is formed - which leads to your blissful beginning of your life together.

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: age difference in the beginning (15/20) NOTHING SEXUAL UNTIL READER IS OVER 22 & JOEL IS 27!! No use of y/n, no outbreak AU, no Sarah AU, smoking weed and drinking, abandonment issues, trauma from father w/ alcoholism, attachment issues, HEAVY ANGST, daddy kink (minimal), unprotected P in V, fingering, mutual pinning

~So here we go ladies and gents! My first story back, I cannot wait for you all to read this, I’m not sure how long of a series this will be but this is a start! Thank you so much to @chloeangelic for helping to revise this and giving me tips, I really appreciate your help babes🫶🏼

“Aren't you somethin' to admire?

'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror

And I can't help but notice

You reflect in this heart of mine

If you ever feel alone and

The glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I'm always

Parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the glass

I'll be there to pull you through

You just gotta be strong” ~ Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

——————————

You and Joel pretty much grew up together in your teen years. His mom actually worked with yours at the hospital as nurses in Austin and that’s how they became close, like sisters. Hence how the Millers became a pretty huge part of your family, resulting in Joel and you meeting. You guys happened to also live across the street from each other - complete coincidence. You had just turned fifteen, and Joel had turned twenty, only a month after your birthday when you guys started hanging out. Joel wasn’t going to college because he was working full time, saving up the money he made so he could buy his dream house he talked about and maybe even venture out a little bit. But since he was living at home, Joel would watch over you a lot while your mom was either working, out with friends, or with his parents.

Your home, that had always been a two parent household, had now gone down to a one parent household in a matter of seconds, or so it felt like. Your dad was always heavily involved in your life with everything you ever did and he loved you unconditionally, but it was as if something switched in his brain, and he suddenly started to drink all the time, then distancing himself from everything the last four years. After the second year of him acting like a mess, you brushed it off that it’s because you were becoming a teen and that’s just what happens, that you weren’t “Daddy’s Little Girl” anymore.

But as months passed, you started to notice how bad it really was. He was drinking so much that he would pick nasty fights with you and your mom. He needed it to live at that point, where he would wake up at night from withdrawals. But the part that will forever leave you scarred, the part that causes your heart to break the most, is how he left.

It was the morning of your fifteenth birthday that your mom told you that he left, the bastard packed up his bags and left in the middle of the night. No goodbyes, no big hugs, and no apologies while he bawled “I love you baby.” Absolutely nothing.

Since then, now in your mid twenties, there’s been radio silence from him. You haven’t heard anything, which you honestly prefer after how he left things. But after all this time you still don’t understand where your relationship went wrong or what you did wrong for your father to drastically change like that.

But like a blessing in disguise, here came Joel and his family to help you and your mom. Joel’s parents have been good friends with your own since you were little, so they were caught just as off guard as your mom was when your dad just packed up and was gone. Since your father left, Joel’s parents have been a godsend for your mom. She was the one who went into a spiral because her and your dad had been together since they started high school. Least to say, she never saw this coming, not then and not in a million years. It truly broke her, and you were scared that you would lose her too.

—

Throughout high school, you and Joel hung out but still slowly drifted apart as he was working all the time and you were focused on school. You were okay with that - you needed a bit of a distraction from Joel, mainly due to having the world’s biggest crush on him and the fact that you were getting a little bit attached to him. Ever since your father left, you tried your best to avoid serious relationships of any kind in fear of them suddenly leaving you. But it was different with Joel, you always thought he was the most genuine person there was and you knew he wouldn’t leave you.

He would play the silly games you wanted to play, listen to whatever drama was happening with your friends, and he would help if you were having any trouble with the feelings that you had regarding your father; if you could even call him that. However, you’ve never told Joel about your feelings for him because, well, at that point you weren’t eighteen, so that would be wrong on his end. But you also didn’t want to ruin the relationship you guys had. You two were literally best friends and you were scared that, if you went any further, that he would slink away from you, just like how your father did, and you didn’t think you could take another emotional loss like that.

—

As soon as you graduated high school and had celebrated your nineteenth birthday and Joel’s twenty-fourth, you and Joel would hang out all the time. You pretty much lived between your moms and Joel's two bedroom house he ended up buying a year prior. You got a part time job at the local bar in town and only worked early afternoons. So, you had the evenings to do what you wanted, which usually included something to do with Joel - worked out great since he got out of work just an hour before you. You two would go hiking, fishing, you’d kick his ass in card games or a lot of the time, you would smoke some weed and have some drinks together and talk about whatever was on your mind.

After your twenty-first birthday, you had gotten a job as a receptionist at the largest law firm in Austin. You were doing really well for yourself, considering your work history - which altogether was not that impressive. So you were really proud of yourself for not giving up and continuing to strive to better yourself. After getting this job you finally felt like you had a purpose, you didn’t feel like you were floating around lost and barely getting by. Your mom was so happy for you, so happy in fact that she threw a party to celebrate you and your success.

You’ve never liked parties that had you as the center of attention, but you knew that your mom needed this more than you did. Ever since that night, your mom did the best she could to hide her feelings around you, but you knew she was breaking internally. So you’ve let her make a big deal out of anything - even if it’s small, for example; About five months ago you had made a beautiful painting of a cabin that you and your mom love to run away too sometimes. She had loved it so much that she showed it to everyone and somehow she ended up getting it put into a little gallery downtown. So needless to say, you adore your mom and will let her be happy by letting her throw you celebrations for even the smallest victories.

After getting settled into the job, there were a couple months where you and Joel didn’t see each other. Nothing was wrong, it just kind of happened, your mom needed you at the house and the new job was taking all your time and attention - Joel understood completely and was so happy for you. However, deep in you, there was a part of you saying that he was distancing himself and he was going to leave you. You almost felt like he sensed that because you two would just chitchat on the phone for a couple hours when you both had time instead, and this helped ease your mind and confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Around a year and a half goes by, as does another round of birthdays, and one promotion that you couldn’t believe you got. You are proud to say that you have finally found a healthy mix of home life and work life. You pretty much have been living at Joel’s for the last three months, which naturally started happening because the commute to work was shorter by twenty minutes from Joel’s house. You still pop over to your moms to grab a few things, hang with her for a day or two, make sure she’s good, and then you’re back off to Joel’s. You’ve honestly been really happy with how your life has been going, you couldn’t be happier.

—

It’s a calm summer evening, warm enough for the bugs to be out but the breeze helps to keep them away. You and Joel are sitting out on his gorgeous back patio that has string lights from tree to tree like a roof, a good size fire pit in the middle of the circle of comfortable lawn chairs - this is your favorite place to be.

You two are talking about how each other's Friday went, which led to Joel bringing up that since you’re here all the time, you should just move in with him. You used to joke around about living together anyway, so when he brings it up as he puts more logs on the fire you started, you just brush it off thinking he’s joking around like he always does.

You laugh as you say, “I remember we used to say that all the time,” looking up at Joel after lighting the blunt you rolled, quickly realizing he’s not joking this time. You oppose at first, not wanting to step on his safe space more than you feel like you already have. But Joel stops your rambling by saying your name as he sits back down next to you and grabs your hand on your thigh.

You instinctively stop rambling and start listening to him talk, “I’m being serious. You’re not a burden. I love that you come over, I honestly don’t know what I would do with myself if you weren’t here. If I didn’t want you here, I simply wouldn’t have asked you.” You’re left speechless, a tear starting to roll down your cheek as you take a hit off the blunt. You hand it to him and, before you can say anything back, you start coughing like you’ve never smoked before. Joel just starts laughing at you, his laugh so genuine he leans back into his chair, putting one hand on his belly and the other arm folding over his head.

“Shut up, Joel! You act like this never happens to you!” You spit between coughs and sips of water. Joel calms down with his laughter as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a hit.

“No darlin’, you always know how to ruin tender moments.” He goes to put it out so you can recover but, before he can, you grab it from him.

“Um, Miller, I’m not done with that. Also, just for the record, I don’t always ruin the moment. I just make them an even better memory for us,” you wink as you blow smoke out into the starry night sky, watching the soft wind make the smoke disappear. He looks at you and just shakes his head as he smiles to himself and says, “That you sure do, sweetheart…that you do.”

You two sit back into a comfortable silence as you watch the flames dance around and listen to the bugs chirp making their own melody. After a couple rounds of passing the blunt back and forth, Joel puts it out in the ashtray next to the two of you. “The offer is on the table, always will be,” Joel says, looking into the fire as he sits back and puts his arms over his head and leans back in his chair. You smile to yourself, knowing he was not going to give it up and, honestly, you wouldn’t either if it was the other way around.

You lean back and turn your head to your right and look straight into his beautiful brown eyes, your high starting to catch up to you and you can feel yourself beginning to look at Joel in a hazy way. Your eyes start to wander along his beautiful features, you notice his hair is getting a little bit longer and the curls are developing a lazy pattern. You start to fantasize about how it would feel to run your fingers through them and pull on his locks to make him look at you while he kisses you.

His lips are the next thing your eyes travel to, and you wonder how they would feel on your body. Starting from your tits, all the way to your pussy, the thought makes you squirm in your chair a little. You’re hoping you can play it off, that you’re just got a chill, but you know Joel is smarter than that. You go back to looking at his eyes, almost forgetting that he said something to you, and you see he’s already staring back. There’s a sudden shift in his eyes as you say, “I might just take you up on it then.”

The next thing you feel is his warm hands on your cheeks and his soft warm lips on yours. You instantly start to kiss back with desire and affection, instantly melting into his touch, but as soon as you bring your hands to his, he stops.

“Darlin’, I’m- oh, shit,” he mumbles, starting to back away from you, feeling like he has overstepped, but before he’s completely out of your grasp, you pull him back in by the collar of his denim jacket and kiss him again. This time, he doesn’t back away from you. Instead, he stands up from his chair and picks you up from yours, latching your legs around his waist as he brings you inside. As he opens the slider door to go in, you open your eyes and the flames from the fire catch your eye.

“Joel!” You exclaim, and he stops walking, looking at you with a confused look on his face,“The fire.” You try your hardest not to laugh and he turns his head to see the flames are still pretty big. He sighs as he shakes his head, “Another perfect example on how you ruin the moment darlin’.” You slap his chest playfully and you both start to laugh. He kisses you as he taps your thigh, signaling for you to hop down.

“Sorry for not wanting your place to burn down,” you scoff, putting your hands up in surrender.

“Yeah, yeah, pretty girl. Go upstairs and wait for me, I’ll be right there,” he winks at you, slapping your ass as you turn on your heels, and you yelp as you run towards his stairs.

—

Your mind is racing as you reach his bedroom door. You slowly turn the knob and walk into his light gray colored walls, instantly feeling safe. You’ve been here countless times, under different circumstances, yet you don’t feel out of place - You feel like you’re supposed to be here. Like everything that you’ve been through has led to this moment.

As you move across the carpet, you stand in front of his dresser and you see two framed pictures of you and him - first one being a selfie in front of his house the night he bought it, the second one being an off guard photo of you and Joel talking the night of your party for your job. You never noticed that he had these framed, and as you bring your hand to it, a smile creeps on your face as you slightly shake your head in disbelief.

All of a sudden, you feel a pair of big soft arms hug across your waist, and his chin resting in the crook of your neck. “My favorite pictures of us…especially you. Your smile was the biggest I’d seen it in a long time in both of these,” Joel says, starting to kiss your neck softly in between his words. You fold into his touch instantly and you moan as he starts to suck a soft spot on your neck. His hands start to travel down to unbutton your jeans.

“I was so proud of you… I was so happy that you got the dream house you wanted. You deserve it,” you say between heavy breathing.

“Don’t downplay yourself, sweetheart. You worked your ass off to be where you are now and I just admire that,” You try to say something, but your mind and mouth won’t cooperate. “My dream wasn’t complete then but now that you’re here to stay. My dream is finally starting to come true,” he tells you, and you both look into his dresser mirror, making eye contact. You turn around swiftly in his grasp as you put your hands on his chest and push him towards his bed. The back of his knees hit the mattress and, as he sits down, his legs open and you stand between his thick thighs. He looks up into your eyes and smirks.

You smile back as you dip your head to slowly take your jeans off, when you bring your head back up to look at him, you grab his chin and pull him into a hot and heavy kiss - one of those kisses where yours and his tongue are exploring each other like it’s an addiction, while he grabs your ass and massages it.

That’s when he pulls you into his lap so you can straddle him. You start to rock your clothed clit back and forth on his growing hard on, while Joel’s calloused hands somehow feel soft as he grabs your ass and guides your movements. You can start to feel the wetness leak through your panties onto the bulge of his jeans, but that’s the least of your worries right now. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this pretty girl,” Joel says between kisses as one hand goes into your panties. He gathers your wetness and brings it back to your clit, rubbing circles causing you to shake.

“Me either,” is all you can say without becoming a moaning mess. You’re still rocking back and forth but with a new pace, one that Joel is setting. Initially, you wanted to be the one in control but you quickly changed your mind about that, it seems. You want Joel to be in complete control of you right now, you don’t even want to think about anything other than Joel. Always Joel. Only Joel.

Your train of thought is stopped quickly by Joel inserting two fingers into your dripping pussy. Your movements pause as you adjust to his fingers, your jaw dropping as a long moan comes out. “That’s my good girl,” Joel’s starts as he begins to pump his fingers in and out of you. You continue to grind on his fingers as he murmurs, “Gotta warm you up first, darlin’… I don’t wanna hurt you.” All you can do is nod and whine to him that you can take him, but he chuckles to himself. “Oh my pretty girl thinks she can take it, huh? Well, let’s see.”

Before he finishes his sentence, he’s pulling his fingers out of your pussy and flipping you over so you’re now on your back, with him towering over you. You giggle from how smoothly he did it, he then brings his fingers to your mouth so you can taste yourself. Without any hesitation, you open your mouth and let his fingers in as you suck on them. He moans when you make a mess with a mix of your own saliva and juices. Joel pulls his fingers away from your mouth with a pop and bends down to kiss you again, but this kiss is different. This somehow feels like a “I love you and I care for you” kind of kiss, one you reciprocate, wanting him to know you feel the same.

He slightly breaks the kiss so he can pull his jeans and boxers down, his cock springing onto his belly, dripping with precum. Your mouth drops when you notice all the veins he has, just hypnotized by the way it was throbbing for you. “You still sure you can take it baby?” Joel taunts as he sees you staring. Without even thinking, you grab his cock and start to slowly stroke him, and his head falls behind his shoulders, his body jerking as he moans.

“Yes, daddy, I can,” you taunt back with a smirk on your face. Once you say that, it’s like something primal snaps inside of Joel. He stops you from touching him, his hands rips off your panties, and throws them somewhere into the darkest corner of his room. Next thing you know, he’s lining his cock up to your throbbing, glistening pussy but he doesn’t put it in. Your arms are clawing at his back for him to make the move.

“You’re so impatient, baby. You gotta relax,” Joel drawls. Before you can come back with some smart ass remark, you feel him sliding his cock up and down your slit, creating a lewd mix of your juices and his precum. Your hips start to move with the rhythm of Joel’s, and it has the tip of his throbbing cock hitting your clit perfectly. You can already feel that tightening in your belly starting to form, turning you into a moaning mess.

His forearms are on either side of your head as he starts to suck and lick your neck again, having found the sweet spot that makes you cave for him every time. “Joel, don't stop. Fuck, baby,” you moan out, as you lift your hips just trying to get him to quit his teasing, he slowly starts to slide his cock into your needy pussy. He gets about halfway in, but has to stop, “Fuck, you’re gonna kill me baby girl,”.

“C’mon baby, move,” you whine as you claw at his back again, wrapping your legs around him and digging your heels into his hips. Your pussy is throbbing for more, so pent up that you’re getting impatient. “Fuck me, daddy,” you moan as you throw your head back into his soft pillows. Suddenly, you feel the other half of his throbbing cock split into you, and your legs let go of his hips as you yelp. He starts to pound your pussy, like you pleaded him to, the mixes of each other juices creating a loud slapping sound that echoes in the bedroom - you are losing your mind from that alone.

“This what you want needy baby? Just need daddy to give it to you rough.” Joel grunts as he grabs your right ankle and brings it to his shoulder, he holds your ankle in place with a hand as he starts to bite and kiss it while his other hand goes to your throat. You give him a smirk, telling him yes. He starts to squeeze the sides of your throat and you feel yourself start to get in a daze, before he lets go, then does it again.

You jolt a little bit when you feel his fingers from his other hand moving down to your clit. The mix of his fingers working on your clit, his cock hitting every spot you need it to, his words praising and degrading you, and him squeezing your throat has you seeing stars.

“Joel, fuck. I’m close, don’t stop, please,” is all you can say as you feel the tightness in your belly about to snap.

“Let it go sweet girl. Look at you, showing me you can take my cock and all,” he coos, and that’s all that it takes to send you over the edge.Your back arches as you moan Joel’s name over and over like a mantra, not ever wanting to forget him. Your body goes limp and your head is dizzy, when you feel him pull out and you both moan at the loss of each other's warmth, before he cums on your belly - moaning your name over and over like you did his.

—

Fucked out of your minds, Joel rolls off of you and both of you lay on your backs next to each other, just listening to one another’s breathing. You feel him get up from the bed as he walks to his bathroom, coming right back with a warm hand towel to clean you up. He gently rubs the towel and cleans you, then he throws the hand towel in the direction you know his hamper to be.

Joel grunts as he lays back down on his side to look at you, while you mimic his movements. This is the first time you’ve seen Joel with this post-fuck face he has, looking like he went to heaven and back. You hope you get to see more of him like this, just crumbling for you - He moves a piece of your hair behind your left ear and looks into your eyes.

“How’s that for ruining the moment?” you say without even thinking. You and Joel just start giggling again. ”Well, you’re two for zero right now..but you were right. You do make the memories better,” Joel is barely able to get out. After a little bit, a comforting hum from his rotating fan and both of your breathing, is all that can be heard as you stare at each other sincerely, you slowly move your body closer to Joel’s, wanting to feel him again. Joel wraps his arms around you like a delicate cocoon as you begin to slowly glide your fingers up and down his strong, yet gentle, arms. You slot your right leg between both his warm thighs, then you wrap your left leg around his hip.

The two of you are wrapped together like some kind of beautiful present you get on Christmas morning. As both of your breathing patterns and heart beats sync up, Joel kisses the top of your head and sleepily whispers, “I’m so glad you decided to stay, my love.”

You smile into his chest and hum, “Mhmm. Me too, Joel…me too.” You drift off into sleep feeling safe and loved while in Joel’s arms, Joel’s home, and Joel’s heart. Just you and Joel.

#joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfic #pedro pascal #joel miller series #Latching On To You #first story in awhile #best friends to lovers #I’m a little rusty

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