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serendipitous-magic · 3 years

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What is your writing advice for young people who want to write fanfiction and original stories in the near future?

If this is just Way Too Much, skip to the end (#16). My most important piece of advice is there. I also happen to think #5 is pretty good.

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1) Literally just write. Write whatever you want, and do a lot of it.

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2) You don’t have to post everything. In fact you don’t have to post anything. You can, don’t get me wrong, but it can be intimidating to sit down and think “I will now write something that other people will see and read and judge with their eyeballs.” Because that’s probably gonna lead to nerves and writer's block. Just write down the ideas that you have, the things you want to write, whatever’s in your brain that you want to explore and expand upon and make into something. And then if you want to, share it. Or don’t share it. I have plenty of half-baked ideas and documents and random story chapters and shit hidden away on my Google Drive that will never see the light of day, for a whole number of reasons. I wanted to write it but it wasn’t ~Spicy~ enough to warrant posting, or it’s only like an eighth of a good idea, or it’s like one scene with no story around it, or it’s just something incredibly self-indulgent I just wanted to write for my own enjoyment.

Point being, don’t write for other people. Don’t write so that other people can read it; write what you want, write for yourself, and then if you want to share it, do.

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3) You can pretty much ignore any and all of these for fanfiction. In fact, you can ignore pretty much any rules or guidelines you want for fanfiction. Fanfic is a sandbox. You don’t have to be a “professional writer” to post fic. No one expects you to be Stephen King or Margaret Atwood. Fanfic is just for playing in a fandom and having fun. If you wanna write a 50 chapter slow burn with very little plot aside from the OTP slowly getting to know each other, and no real stakes or central conflict, I guarantee people would read that. Really, fanfiction is the Old West of writing: lawless, wild, unpredictable, and free.

However, here are the rules you must follow:

-Separate your paragraphs. (I’m sure you know this already, but I’m gonna say it anyway just in case.) Do not post one big block of text. Make a paragraph break when someone new is talking, when the characters are in a new place, when a new event occurs that changes the scene, when a chunk of time has passed, and when there’s a major change in subject.

-I know it’s obvious, but... grammar, punctuation, and capitalization. They exist to make writing easy for readers to read, and more people will read your stuff if they don’t have to stop and try to figure out what you meant.

-Use tags and labels, as is possible with whatever site you’re using. Especially if you include possibly triggering content in your story. Again, I know it’s obvious, but it’s common courtesy. Bonus: tagging the themes and content of your story helps readers find it and read it :)

-If possible, limit the use of all-caps and exclamation marks / question marks. 99% of the time, one ! or one ? will do. If you overload the page with a lot of all-caps and long rows of exclamation marks or question marks, it hampers readability.

... That’s literally all I can think of. And, like I said, it’s all pretty basic stuff. You were probably rolling your eyes like, “Uh, yeah, Gwen, I know.” But that’s literally it. You can pretty much do whatever you want in fanfic.

That being said, here’s my advice for both fanfiction and original work...

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4) A quick and dirty rule for coming up with a plot, starting a story, keeping up pacing, or maintaining tension: figure out what dreams, desires, and goals are nearest and dearest to your main character’s heart (see #16). Then set up the main conflict to be directly in opposition to that goal. It doesn’t have to be in a tangible way, though it could be. But, if your main character wants more than anything to reach the ships on the southern coast of your world and sail to a new life, make sure the main conflict immediately prevents them from doing that - in fact, make sure to send them north. If your main character just wants to keep their loved ones safe, kidnap the loved ones. If your main character just wants to date their best-friend-turned-crush, make sure they think they have no chance - or, make them cocky about it, and make sure it makes Person B determined not to ever like them. You get it. Figure out what your character most wants, and then keep them from having that. Boom - your conflict now ties in with your character's motivation. It's like instant yeast for plots.

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5) If you’re anything like me, you want your first draft to be Good, despite all that advice about how the first draft doesn’t have to be good and it’s just to get words on the page, yadda yadda. And if you’re somewhat of a perfectionist (like myself), it’s easy to get stuck looking at a blank page because you don’t have The Perfect Words, and you want what you write to be Good the first time.

Here’s how I cheat that:

Instead of trying to write a Good First Draft from a blank page, hit the enter key a few times, skip a little down on the page, change your ink to red (or blue, or whatever - just something immediately identifiable as Not Black) and just thought vomit. Write whatever the hell you’re thinking, exactly as you think it. Don’t worry about it being readable, don’t worry about narrative flow for now, don’t worry about covering all the details, don’t worry about anything except either a) getting all the details of your idea out onto the page, whether that’s a lot or whether it’s just a sentence or two, or b) if you don’t have an idea yet, finding your way there.

Because this method is also very good for finding your way to ideas when you’re stuck in writer’s block.

Because of how human brains work, getting this stuff out onto the page - in all its messy, stream-of-consciousness glory - will likely spark more thoughts. As you write your original idea about the scene, it’ll likely spark more ideas. Creation begets creation. If you just start thought-vomiting your ideas onto the page, chances are you’ll think of more things as you go, and you’ll start filling out description or dialogue or tone or action or whatever, and pretty soon the scene starts writing itself.

Not sure where you’re going with the scene or which ideas you wanna use? Use a lot of ambivalent language in your “thought-vomit draft.” My pre-writing notes are chock-full of the words “maybe,” “perhaps,” and the phrases, “At some point...” and “...or something like that.” In this way, I don’t tie myself down to one idea; it’s just an idea, and I’m keeping it on the page in case I use it, but I might chuck it in the trash or change it or whatever.

And then, once your ideas for the scene (or story, or chapter, or whatever) are on the page, then go back to the top and start translating them into a “real” first draft. Use black ink, and start copy-pasting chunks of the thought-vomit up into the top part of the document and translating them into Draft 1. Separate out paragraphs where paragraph breaks should be. Add the correct punctuation and whatnot. Change “describe the lobby here - include potted plants, fancy carpet, blood stain, etc.” into an actual description of the lobby. Flesh it out, or condense, or whatever it needs. And if you’re still stuck, change back to red ink and ramble some more until you find a path that feels right, then plug that in. This keeps you from looking at a blank page, and it allows you to generate a kind of Draft 0.5, somewhere between a plan and a first draft.

You don’t have to use every idea. Like I said, jot down whatever comes to mind, put a “maybe” before or after it, and keep working. If the idea grabs you and you wanna keep expanding on it and exploring it, cool. If you just wanna jot it down so you don’t forget it and then move on, also cool. Red-ink draft / “thought-vomit draft” is your time to jump around in the timeline, add or finesse details at whatever point your brain moves to, etc. Don’t try to do it exactly in story order, because you will get tangential thoughts and ideas, and you will not remember to write them down five pages later when you finally get to taking notes on that scene. Trust me. On that note...

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6) Write everything down the moment you think of it. Seriously.

“I’ll remember it when I get around to writing that scene in a couple days / weeks / months (/years).”

You won’t.

Write it down.

Phone, journal, google docs - hell, my family regularly laughs at me for grabbing a napkin during dinner and scribbling thoughts down alongside pasta sauce stains.

And then, once you have it written down somewhere...

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7) Consolidate your writing ideas in one place.

Maybe this isn’t really your style, and that’s totally chill.

Buuuut, if you’re Type-A like me - or if you tend to be somewhat unorganized and you know you’ll lose track of your writing notes if they’re scattered across multiple notebooks, journals, napkins, phone notes, etc. - having one consolidated document of notes is a life saver. I keep mine on Google Docs so I can access it, add to it, and look through it for inspiration anywhere at any time. When I have one of those Shower Thoughts that I jot down on my phone or on a napkin during dinner, I set myself a reminder on my phone to type it up in my Story Ideas document later.

(Or, if the idea I had was for a story of mine that I’ve already started planning / drafting / whatever, I put it in the document for that story instead of the Big Random Story Ideas doc. You get it.)

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8) Have other ways to collect and save writing ideas, besides just writing stuff down. If you like Pinterest, make pinterest boards of your characters or stories or settings or whatever. If you’re big into playlists, make a playlist for your character / setting / story / etc. Or both. Or something else. I’m not good at drawing, but maybe you are, and maybe you like to draw your ideas. Whatever form it takes, having another way to save ideas and think about your stories is invaluable.

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9) Some writers can just start writing with no idea where the story is going, and they just kind of figure it out as they go. I envy those writers. And I do that sometimes for fanfiction, where the stakes are somewhat lower and the audience is reading more for scene-to-scene enjoyment (and to see their OTP kiss) than for a Driving And Compelling Narrative.

But here’s the thing: especially if you’re just kind of starting out, writing without some sort of plan is really, really hard, and will likely lead you into a slow, meandering narrative that will likely frustrate you.

Even if you think you’re someone that just can’t write with a plan (and again, I have the highest respect for pansters out there - I don’t know how you do it, you crazy bastards, but you keep doing you) - even if you think “I can’t work with plans, they’re too prescriptive, I just want to write and see what happens -”

Try at least making the most skeletal of plans.

Even if you have no clue what 90% of the story is, yet. That’s fine. But you need to have some idea of what you’re building to, even if that’s nothing more specific than a feeling, or a turning point for your character. Even if your entire plan for everything beyond Chapter 1 is, “At some point, Charlie needs to realize that Ed was lying to her.”

This is where those Draft 0.5 notes come in handy. Because, more than likely, working on your current scene that way will spark ideas for later scenes, which you can put down at the bottom of the document and save for when they become relevant. In my experience, the line between planning ahead and making a Draft 0.5 is exceptionally thin. One can quickly turn into the other.

If you’re really, really resistant to the idea of planning ahead, that’s okay. It’s not everybody’s style. But for the love of all that is holy, write down your ideas for future scenes, even if you’re a person that doesn’t like to plan and writes only in story order, because you will not remember that idea once you get to that scene.

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10) You don’t have to write in order.

Here’s the thing: I’m a person that can only do my Draft 1 in story order (meaning, chronological order). I just have to be in that flow; I need to write in story order for me to best channel where the character is at from scene to scene, both narratively and emotionally.

But my Thought Vomit Draft is another thing entirely. By using the brain hack of putting my notes in red (or another color, it doesn’t matter) and going down to the bottom of the document / page and taking notes there, and then integrating them into whatever plan I have, and then translating them into Draft 1 once I get there in the story - by doing that, I can get my good ideas onto the page (and expound upon them and let my muse carry me and ride that momentum while I’m in the moment of inspiration) without writing out of order.

Maybe that’s just me. But if you’re a person who really prefers to write in story order, that could be hugely helpful to you. It is to me.

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11) Emotion and motivation will do more for your story than technicalities of plot.

If your characters really care about something, and their journey through the (shaky or weak) plot is emotionally engaging, it will be a much more compelling story than a story with a “perfect” plot and unrelatable or unmotivated characters.

If your characters care about what they’re doing, and it means something to them, and their goals and actions are driven by dreams or fears or emotions that are integral to who they are, your audience will care too. If you have a perfectly crafted plot that hits all the right beats and has high stakes and fast pacing and drama - but your characters don’t connect with what’s happening in a way that’s deeply meaningful or emotional for them? You’re gonna have a hard time engaging readers.

When in doubt, prioritize character emotion and motivation over plot. Emotion is what drives story.

This power is highly exploitable. (Just look at pulp novels and shitty but entertaining movies.) You can even use it to glaze over plot holes or reinvigorate a limp narrative. Use it that way sparingly, though. It’s a band-aid, not a surgery.

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12) Evil villains are hard to write - mostly because there are very few truly evil people in the world. (There are a few. Billionaires and several big name politicians come to mind.) But by and large, there aren’t that many evil people. There are plenty of bad people, but bad people have some good in them, somewhere in there. Trying to write an evil villain is hard, because they often turn very cartoony.

Here’s a tip: it’s much easier to write antagonists who aren’t evil. Even if they’re bad people. Of course, there’s no reason you can’t write a villain that’s just truly evil - a serial killer, or an abuser, or a billionaire, or someone who legit just wants to hurt people or blow up the earth or stay in control of an oppressed population, or whatever. But chances are, it’s gonna be really hard to make them feel real, and even harder to create a plot around them that doesn’t feel forced or contrived.

Instead, try writing an antagonist / villain whose motivations and goals directly clash with your protagonist’s - but not because they want to take over the world or see people suffer. Write an antagonist who’s chaotic good, but whose perception of the situation is completely opposite from your hero’s. Write an antagonist whose only desire is to save people, and who will do anything to achieve that goal - anything. Write an antagonist who believes in the letter of the law, and will hinder and oppose the hero’s methods even if they agree with the hero’s motivation. Write an antagonist who got in way over their head and did some things they regret, and now they don’t know how to get out, and they’re doing their best but whatever they set in motion is too powerful for them to stop now.

Write villains who are human. Write a killer who thought they were doing the right thing by taking their victim out of the equation, who vomits at the sight of the body and sobs over the grave they dig. Write a government leader who truly believes she’s doing what’s best for her people in the long-term, even if it might hurt them in the short term, and is willing to endure the hatred and belligerence of the masses if it means securing what she thinks is a better future for her people. Write a teenage bully that thinks they’re the one being picked on by the world, and they’re just fighting back, standing their ground. Write a scientist who will break any code of ethics and hurt anyone he needs to - in order to bring back his baby sister from the grave, because he promised her he’d protect her and he failed. Write an antagonist who is selfish and self-centered and capricious - because in order to survive they had to look out for Number One, and that habit ain’t about to break anytime soon.

Write villains who aren’t even villains. Write antagonists who oppose the hero because of moral differences. Write antagonists who are trying to do the right thing. Write antagonists who treat the heroes with kindness and dignity and respect and gentleness.

They don’t have to be good. They don’t have to be Misunderstood Sweethearts who “deserve” a redemption arc. They can be cruel and nasty and dismissive and callous and violent and etc. etc.

Just hesitate before you make them Evil-with-a-capital-E. Because evil is hard to write, and honestly, boring to read. Flawed human beings with goals and motivations that directly oppose the main characters’ are much easier to write and much more interesting to read.

Ask why. Why is your villain trying to take over the world? What does that even mean? Are they trying to create a Star-Trek-like post-capitalism utopia, but they know that won’t happen in a million lifetimes, so they’re trying to do it by force? Are they actually super in favor of human rights, but they got very impatient waiting for the world to do anything about poverty and war, so they decided to take it into their own hands? Are they determined to fix the world - no matter the cost? Are they terrified and overwhelmed, but committed to see it through to the end? Or - maybe they’re just doing it on a dare. Maybe they don’t really give a shit about world domination, they were just a mediocre rich white guy who decided to fuck around and find out, and now he’s kind of curious how far he can take this thing. And now he’s kind of an internationally-wanted criminal, so he’s kind of stuck living on his hidden private island in his multi-billion dollar secret base, strapping lasers to sharks’ heads for the hell of it. Gross, selfish, uncaring, and dangerous? For sure. Evil? Depends on your definition. See, now we’re getting somewhere.

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13) It’s tempting to let the plot control the characters. It’s easy to drop your characters into a situation and see how they react. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t drive plot. In fact, it bogs down pacing. Instead, try to build you plot off of your characters’ actions and decisions. Let your character build their own situation. Not to say it should go they way they wanted it to go; in fact, usually, their grand plans should go to hell very quickly. But having the characters take action and make decisions, and letting the plot develop based on that, is much easier to make compelling than making a rigid series of events and then trying to herd your characters into them.

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14) Having trouble justifying a character’s actions? Consider having them make the opposite decision, or having them approach the situation in a different way. For example: you need your character to go meet the bad guy, for plot reasons, even though there’s no way it’s not a trap. If the character goes, readers are gonna be groaning with their head in their hands, because c’mon man, that was really fucking stupid. But he’s gotta go, because the plot needs that. Two ways you might handle this: a) He knows it’s probably a trap. He decides not to go. The plot conspires to get him near the villain anyway. Or, b) He knows it’s a trap. But he needs to go, for (insert reasons here). So, he approaches it in an unexpected way. He brings backup, recruiting a side character we met earlier in the story. Or he arrives on the back of a dragon, because ain’t nobody gonna fuck with a dude on a dragon. Or he goes - early, and ambushes the villain. It may work, it may not. He may get himself kidnapped anyway. But it moves the plot along without having Stupid Hero Syndrome.

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15) This is a legit piece of advice: if all of this sounds overwhelming, literally just ignore it and write what you want. For real. Writing should be fun, and every single writer operates differently. If you’re sitting here like “I’m getting stressed just reading this,” just flip me a good-natured bird and get on with your life. I promise I won’t take it personally. Same goes for literally any other writing advice you see. Lots of rules and guidelines can very quickly make anything thoroughly un-fun. Just write. If you’re passionate about it and you do it for long enough, you’ll start figuring out the tips and tricks on your own.

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16) Here’s the best piece of advice I can give you: know your characters. More importantly, know what’s important to them. Build their personality and decisions off of that, and build your plot off of their decisions.

I see a lot of character building sheets that ask a shit-ton of questions like “What’s their most prized possession?” “Do they like their family?” “What’s their favorite food?”

And while these are good questions, my problem with this type of character building is that if you start there, with the little stuff, you’re building on nothing. IMO, to make a truly strong character (not strong like Inner Strength, strong like effective), you need a strong foundation.

Here are the things you must know about your character:

a) What are their greatest fears / deepest insecurities? And I don’t mean “wasps” or “heights.” I mean the deep shit. I mean fears like “living a meaningless life,” or “turning out just like their parents,” or “that no one will ever love them,” or “being powerless.” You may say, “But they’re really scared of wasps! They fall into a wasp nest when they were little and got stung so much they almost died!” Great! That’s a fantastic bit of backstory. They should absolutely be afraid of wasps, and that should absolutely be an impediment later in the story. But dig deeper. What about that event actually scarred them? Was it the helplessness? Stumbling around, swatting at the air, not being able to do a single thing to stop what was happening to them? Was it that they were alone, and no matter how loud they screamed, no one was coming? Was it the bodily horror of feeling themself turn into an inhuman creature as they swelled up from the stings, unable to move their fingers or face normally anymore?

And don’t forget insecurities, because those factor in, too. Are they deeply insecure about their identity? Do they believe, deep down, that they’re ugly? Did they grow up poor and they’ve always been really touchy about that? Why? Dig deep. Figure out what really, really bothers them.

b) What are their hopes and dreams? What do they truly want out of life? What do they consider the most valuable to their experience here in this thing called life? Is it the freedom to forge their own path and be independent? Is it the approval of their family or peers? Is it a home? Is it knowledge, or understanding? Spiritual fulfillment? Is it deeply important to them that they contribute to their community, or protect those they love? What do they need in order to feel truly and deeply fulfilled in life?

Figure out those two things (each one encompasses several things, btw, you don’t have to stop at just one for each), and then use that to inform how they behave and the types of decisions they make within the story.

It also informs character behavior and personality.

Let’s say we have a character who’s afraid of helplessness. They’re probably gonna be the person that always wants to do something, try something, no matter how hopeless the situation seems. They’d despise just sitting and waiting, probably, because it makes them feel powerless. They might even be the person that makes rash decisions and acts impulsively and puts themself in danger unnecessarily, because in their mind it’s better than being at the mercy of fate. This is one way you could use a character’s personality to inform their decisions, which in turn helps to inform plot.

Or, let’s say we have a character whose greatest fear is being left behind or forgotten. We may have a chatterbox on our hands. They might be obnoxious. They might love the spotlight, constantly vying for attention no matter the situation, because deep down they’re so afraid that they’d be forgotten otherwise. Or, it may go the opposite way. They may be so afraid of people leaving them that they’re terrified of bothering people. They don’t want to do anything that could annoy people, anything that might give people a reason to leave them. They might be exceedingly polite, quiet, accommodating. A push-over, really.

These are two nearly opposite types of personalities, both stemming from the same core fear/insecurity. You can go a lot of different ways with it. But if you build on that strong foundation, you’ll have a strong character, and a stronger plot.

Likewise, the structure of your story can and should inform the design of these character traits. If you need your characters to team up near the end, it may be impactful if you give your main character a deep fear of commitment, an insecurity about being unwanted or left behind, and make them highly value independence and freedom. That could make their team-up for the final battle very meaningful. Conversely, you can use your character’s deepest fears and desires to help design the plot. Is your character deeply insecure about voicing their opinions or taking a stand, because of trauma they faced in the past? Make them face that. Build that into the climactic third act. Give them the big inspirational speech where they stand up and talk about what they believe to be important, what they think the group should do. And then design that character arc to run through the story, giving you more handholds and stepping stones, more pieces of foundation on which to design the plot.

In this way, character should inform story as much as story informs character. It’s a feedback loop.

Bonus: if you build your character and your plot off of each other in this way, it automatically starts to build in the foundations of that emotional investment I mentioned earlier. If your character’s decisions are based on what they most want and do not want in life, you basically have your character motivation and stakes pre-built.

Note: you need to know these things about your villain, too.

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I’m genuinely sorry about the length of this, lmao. But you did ask.

Best of luck!

Edit: I forgot an important one:

17) Start when the scene starts and end when the scene ends.

What do I mean by that?

If your notes say “Danny asks Nicole out after school and majorly flubs it,” start the scene when Danny approaches Nicole after school. Better yet, cold-open the scene on “I was wondering if, you know, you’d wanna. You know. Hang out some time?”

Don’t start that morning when Danny goes to school, unless you’re gonna cover the school day in like one or two sentences. Don’t spend whole paragraphs going through the school day, unless it’s to cover other plot points first (in which case apply these same guidelines there), or if the paragraphs are there for a specific reason, like to illustrate how stressed he is and how it seems like every little thing is going wrong. Even then, trim the fat as much as possible. Expounding and describing everything Moment-to-moment is for the meat of the scenes, not the leading-up-to and coming-away-from.

Here’s my rule of thumb: study how and when movies cut from scene to scene. Movies have exceptionally strict, limited time for storytelling; they’re excellent examples of starting a scene when the plot point starts and ending when it’s over. If you can’t picture a movie showing everything you showed, start the scene later and end it earlier.

#asks #anon #writing advice #writing tips #writing #fanfic writing #fanfiction #character creation #plot development #character development #my advice #original writing

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jasper-pagan-witch · 2 years

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On my way, pal

(there's a mild of graphic language and gun mentioning so take that as a TW everyone)

Alright so I was talking to my boyfriend about media famous people, people who we find pretty (hello Pedro Pascal and Cara Dune 👋 ) and we get to the topic of overrated ppl that doesn't deserve all of that roar, then we narrow down to an actor that said that his wife shouldn't work but only take care of the home and I was feeling a bit of an edgelord so I told him that if it is so the actor's wife and himself should be together in the kitchen but I said that she should cut him into pieces and put everywhere like in the oven, a bunch of plates yadda yadda yadda. We laughed a lot with that and don't like this guy anyways so we called it a day despite me going full Hannibal Lecter on the guy and I screenshot it and posted it somewhere.

An acquaintance of ours said that some women liked it anyways and I argued that if so it was up to HER decide that and not someone else. If she doesn't want a career or going to uni it doesn't make her less of a human BUT the birdbrained thing kept saying that some women liked it anyways.

Ok at this point I say that I no longer want to communicate with him and he sends an audio about that which I don't even listen and he says "I'm sorry if this offended you in any way" to which I reply no I'm not even a woman (I'm agender) but I can easily identify people talking bullshit. He tells me to calm down and stuff and I end with "well I told you I don't want to talk to you anymore if I wasn't clear before" and that I hope he can never have a partner and if he does may the gods help her.

Now that's the fun part bc I have received some improptu deity visits before but now Hera appears at the right side of my bed (I wonder how long she's been there, she looked like a sniper on the roof, I didn't knew she was there?????????) and all she does is to lower down her staff and goes away and I hear a voice in my head saying “Noted.” and I go like ?????????????? Holy shit!!!!!!!!

I would be like really surprised if she didn't have that laser pointer scopes. Like. She couldn't be more sharp than that. It looked like she heard what what I was talking and came down just to tie the knot into fucking up the guy's love life

Ohhhhh snap!

Yeah, it's quite rude of your acquaintance and that actor both to say that sort of thing. Very patriarchy. I hope that the wife of the actor gets a better spouse or just stays single instead of continuing to put up with that kind of douche canoe.

And Hera popping in at the end? Iconic. I shall await updates.

#jasper post #answered #corpse-esque #not witchcraft #personal

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unreachablevoice · 4 years

Text

I may or may not have another Idea...

Maribat Master List | Continuation

OKay this is another Daminette Idea but uh the only difference is that this is not romantic... at all. Just uhhh familial??? Is that correct?? but either way, yeah.. it’s family-centric.

Now I am not only obsessed with the uhh romantic and cute ship called Daminette but I am also in love with the idea of Damian being Marinette’s pseudo brother. Like it’s cute and Damian’s finally given the chance to like act more like his age and be a child for once so that’s a plus.

Oh and you can read that particular au right hereee and hereeee. These are like... different takes on that kind of au so yeah... but both are still equally great like you will not be disappointed I promise.

Oh and uhh warning?? (as always) there’s a bit of swearing and improper words so read with caution!

Anywayssss back to the main topic, my Idea is kind of like those two fics except... Marinette and Damian are like not pseudo siblings. No. This Idea is called... Damian’s Adoptive Mom AU.

Confused?

Allow me to explain.

You see, I was like scrolling through Youtube and like I came across a Youtuber (well duh). And that particular Youtuber is like 20-23 years old?? I think??? and she like adopted a kid. Yes. I know she’s pretty young to become a mom but uhh I think it’s cute? and heartwarming? because like she gave a kid a chance to like become a part of a family.

Anyway (2x), that made me thinking. What if Marinette adopted Damian? like no she’s not like Bruce who’s now dubbed as a serial adopter. No, she just adopted Damian? like he’s the only one who she has had the pleasure of adopting.

Oh by the way this Idea also like came to me at night and didn’t let me sleep just like my last AU hahahha XD (and I seriously have to stop doing this and focus on my fics more ughhh!)

Anywaysss (3x), hmm how should I start this uh... Damian’s ten. Like Ra’s dead now and like Talia’s on her way to drop Damian off to Bruce (look I’m not that inclined on the dc fandom okay? I just know stuff because of how many fics I’ve read XD). And like somewhere between that, Talia like came across/cross paths with Marinette? (she’s roughly the same age as Bruce here and has already established herself as someone amazing in the Fashion world and is known world wide now and is super rich and you get the gist)

Now, since they crossed paths like they’re just staring at each other because they piqued Marinette’s interest cuz like why do they look like they just came out of a freaking warzone???? and Talia’s like formulating a plan. Like she thought what if she doesn’t drop Damian off to his father? and just like keeps him hidden from him because she knows Bruce will just get Damian wrap in on that vigilante and fighting stuff and she just wants Damian to be like a normal kid for once? (#TaliaKindaCares)

So like she goes to Marinette and like straight up says: “Would you like to take my son?” and points at Damian behind her.

Like Marinette’s confused because why did this person just walk right up to her for no apparent reason other than to like give her her son???? What???

So like she looks at Talia all confused and Talia explains (more like excuses) that she can’t take care of Damian (her son) anymore and is like putting him up for adoption and like she looks like a nice enough person to accept him (she somehow did an investigation about Marinette in a span of few seconds and confirmed that yes she has a clean record and is like nice because she does all this charity things and yadda yadda yadda... don’t ask me how). And like she also secretly says that Damian is like not needed anymore so she doesn’t want him (okay so now it’s back to #TaliaDoesNotCare)

And Marinette like hears this and is like fucking pissed because what do you mean you don’t want and/or need him???? What kind of parent/mother/woman/HUMAN DOES THAT????? YOU’RE SO FUCKING HEARTLESS!!!

Marinette fumes and like Talia somehow persuades her to like adopt Damian... well not really since Marinette felt empathy for the kid since his mother is just basically giving him away so she just accepted.

Now that leads to like Marinette being dragged by Talia (with Damian) to like a court or something (there’s a word for that place I just forgot it ughhh) and like making Marinette adopt Damian and Talia handing over her parental rights to her.

Then as like they finished all that shit, Marinette like turns to Talia and stares at her intently and says in all seriousness: “You decided to give him away. So now, no matter what you do, even if you you get down on your knees and cry and beg me to give him back to you, I will not return him. He is mine now. He is now my son and no matter what you say will never change that. Ever.” Talia flinches at her words and meanwhile, Damian will forever deny that Marinette declaring all of that made him feel warm inside and secretly loves his new mom now.

So yeah after that Talia business and she leaves, Marinette like asks for Damian’s hand? cuz like holding hands while walking? since he is technically her child now? and don’t parents hold their children’s hands while walking? plus she suspected that Damain rarely had any skinship with his so called “mother” so Marinette decides to like be the one who’ll supply him all that maternal love he needs and like Damian’s confused but like just complies and holds her hand or something.

(Okay I know that for some of you this is not that important but like, for me, this part is the beginning or like the start or the spark that raised up that flag where Damian’s like finally learning what love and what having a parental figure feels like... okay, ONWARDS!)

So yeah they go back to Marinette’s house, but in this case a penthouse cuz like she rich now like I said. But like she’s not actually the one who bought the house. Like her uncle was the one who gave it to her and she can’t refuse it anymore because like her uncle bought it under her name (any guess on who that uncle is??? and if you did get it, yes. I am going for that AU! And you can’t tell me otherwise!!!) so yeahh.

And like as soon as like they enter, Damian begins to ask stuff like where are his quarters? He wishes to rest and get settled now. And is there rules on which he should follow? certain boundaries that she have set for him?

And Marinette’s like confused because why the heck he asking about rules??? and who the fuck taught him to speak like a freaking old man???

But then since he looks absolutely serious she like sits him down and speaks in like a soft voice, “Look, I know that you’re an al Ghul. That you’re from the League of Assassins.” Damian kinda flinches at that. (Also Marinette is like The Great Guardian of The MIraculous and like before Master Fu handed his title over to her, he like explained how the League of Assassins and the Order of The Miraculous have been on a feud now (like most Maribat Fics yeah))

So like Marinette sighs, since she can see the nervous and scared look on Damian’s face and like continues, “So I want you to know that whatever they taught you there are not up to my morals.” Damian’s face goes even paler. “That means no killing. I don’t want you fighting anyone and getting hurt in the process.” And Damian like just looks at her and kind of wants to argue about the no killing thing (because Marinette is a very nice and worried Mama for her new child) but is also like confused because she doesn’t want him to be hurt??? What??

So like he just stares at nothing??? and is like trying to comprehend what she actually said. And Marinette smiles at him or something and yeah.

There’s also some instances where hmm Marinette would like bring him to work with her and like everybody coos at him with how adorable he is and how chubby his cheeks are and like he just scowls at them to back them off and Marinette laughs at him and says that they are correct, he is an adorable chubby-cheeked boy.

Anyway (4x this idea has a lot of ‘anyway/s’), umm hmm I think Damian would like keep on denying and telling himself that like he will not treat her as his mom and accept her or something unless like she proves herself or something.

So with that said, I have a plot for that... Damian is like uhh kidnapped?? LIke let’s just say that it’s not Gotham’s Rogues or something no it’s uh like someone lowkey but like also has the proper equipment to pull off this kind of stuff or something. Someone who like knows Marinette, how famous and rich of a designer she is and like beats him up because like he really needs the money and like since like his MOM is a rich ass designer he’ll be fine so yeah... plus he also adds like since he’s a lowkey criminal, it’s much harder to like go after the Wayne’s (y’all hear foreshadowing?? no?? okay..)

And then like all of a sudden BOOM! BAM! a red-spotted heroine comes crashing in and like, no not beats the hell out of the guy, she’s still nice, she like disarms him or something and ties him up and sends him to the police and yadda yadda yadda. And like after all that shit, she looks at Damain and is like “oh my god are you okay?” “holy shit of course you’re not okay, look at you!” “goddammit he’ll pay for hurting you” and most importantly... “WHY DID YOU NOT FIGHT BACK?! YOU’RE A FORMER HEIR OF A BUNCH OF MANIACS!!!”

(By the way because of that little stunt, the batfam are like now aware of her)

Like Ladybug’s frantic and is like worrying about him and Damian’s like... “Who are you?” “Don’t touch me” and another most importantly.. “I need to return to my MOM so please let me through”

And like ladybug just stares at him and like all teary eyed because he JUST CALLED HER MOM! HE’S NEVER ADDRESSED HER BY HER NAME NOR BY “MOM” BEFORE!!! And like she grabs him and yoyos them to their house and like Damian’s confused because how on earth did this person know where he lives??? And why is she still here??? she’s not allowed to be here!!!

And like in all Marinette fashion like she just freaking de-transforms and like fucking bone crushing hugs him and cries because she was SO WORRIED! AND HE WAS HURT BECAUSE OF HER! WHY THE HELL DID HE NOT FIGHT BACK???!!!

And like yeah Damian’s surprised to find out that his mom is like an actual superhero. No WONDER SHE DOESN’T LIKE KILLING!!! And like after he like snaps out of his shocked daze he like hugs her back and like also kind of cries (he’ll forever take it to his grave and tell her that it was just that her hair was poking his eyes when they were hugging). And like in a meek and sad and like broken voice he says: “You said no fighting.”

And Marinette like looks at him incredulously and is like yes she did tell him that but when you’re being held captive and is in the brink of death, OF COURSE YOU FIGHT BACK!!!

And like he answers: “I wasn’t in the brink of death.” and pouts or something. And says how he got it under control and Marinette retaliates like UNDER CONTROL??? YOU’RE BEATEN UP AND BLOODY RIGHT NOW AND IF SHE DIDN’T COME WHEN SHE DID, HE COULD’VE DIED FOR PETE’S SAKE!

Long story short, Marinette earned Damian’s respect that night (even though he won’t admit it but like he already has her in like a high regard) and like he pestered her to like let him be a superhero too cuz like since his Mom is a superhero, shouldn’t he be one as well?

And like Marinette straight out refuses because no it’s too dangerous and like Gotham is not her turf, there’s already lots of vigilantes here no need to add more and besides they’re like pretty territorial.

Which led to Damian being all pouty and sulky and like ignores Marinette.

It took Marinette three weeks straight to like finally make Damian to stop ignoring her--his own goddamn mother--and it included with lots of coddling and sorry’s and cooking him his favorite food... Let's just say that was also the part where Alfred the cat came into view.

I dunno how Marinette got him the cat but I guess it’s the same as cannon (I am not in the dc fandom okay??? I just know some stuff because of the ficsss) but like she gave it to him so that he'd stop sulking AND she's also the one who gave him the idea of naming the cat Alfred Pennyworth.

Because like she explains that Master Fu tells her stories about past Miraculous Holders and like there's this Peacock Miraculous Holder who's really awesome and his name is Alfred Pennyworth (ya damn right I'm drinking from that cup! I'm going for that au and no one can stop me!)

So like that's the start of Damian's love for animals and yeah.... that also led to like them getting Titus and then eventually Batcow (yes they're vegetarians now)

Okay this is getting out of hand so like I dunno what's next.

Oh! But uh Bruce finds out about Damian like after 3 years??? when Damian's like 13 now????? And like Talia told Bruce about it one day or something. And like Bruce asks Tim (everything's the same like Bruce still adopts Dick, Jason, and Tim except Damian like didn't go to him???) or someone to like investigate or check if their DNAs match or something (Don't ask me how) and like yup you're family yes the DNAs match and yadda yadda yadda.

And like Bruce decides to like go to their house (again, don't, it's detective stuff) and like sees a penthouse and is like this is where they live????? Pretty grand (oh my gosh that's such an old way of describing something hahahhaha) for someone like Talia.

So like he doorbells and like meets Marinette (you decide if it's Brucinette... I'm just here for that family goodness) and like she smirks smiles at him (Talia already like told her when they first met???? In the court????) and like lets him in and blah blah blah

And then like Bruce meets Damian and he's just teary eyed on how they look so alike and Talia didn't tell him he had a son like him???? And she only did after like 13 years????? Da fuq?????

And then like he hears Damian call Marinette his mom and is like what???? Isn't Talia his mother????? And is like confused af.

So like Marinette explains everything and like Damian's grouchy, and no it's not because his mom did not tell him about his father, his birth mother should've been the one to do that, it's because he doesn't want Bruce to like take him away from his mom.

Bruce explains that no he's not trying to take him away from his mother, he just wants to like get to know him and spend time with him.

So like Damian agrees (persuaded by yours truly, Marinette Dupain-Cheng) and is like met with the Wayne Manor and is like da fuq???? My house is already big but this is humongous!!!!

So like yeah he meets Bruce's adoptive sons and is like the same as when he met them in cannon but like without the killing (Marinette taught him about the Miraculous and trained him more so like yeah there's still fighting).

And like he REALLY doesn't like them because if he has new siblings then that means his mom won't pay attention to him anymore (Don't tell mom he said that, she'll never let him live it down) And like he introduces himself in all Damian glory: “I’m Damian Dupain-Cheng.” (kyaaaaa oh my gosh I just fangirled here oh my gosh hahahaha I don’t even know why XD)

So like yeah I dunno what's next and how it goes but uh yeah he meets all of the Wayne's and pseudo Wayne's and maybe just MAYBE he'll try to come to like them. For his mom's sake.

Oh and uh... remember the foreshadowing?? I like to uhh imagine that the batfam are like doing everything they can to like find out who that red-spotted heroine is (by the way her suit changed drastically over the years) and like dubbed her as “Ladybird” (like all maribat fics again hahaha). So like imagine when they find out that their favorite designer (yes I’m also drinking from that cup XD) and “Ladybird” is one and the same person AND has been UNDER THEIR NOSES THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

Maribat Master List | Continuation

Anyways (5x goddammit what is wrong with me and I keep using this word???) Phew this is a long ass Idea and I dunno hahahhaha as alwaysss if you want to write this tag me (you know I was debating on writing this as a fic actually but uhh I decided against it and just did this instead XD) and feel free to add more if you like :)

Tags:

@joejoejodee (you said any maribat ideas... is this it??)

@k-poplunardreams (is this the same idea for that particular theme/topic???)

@thornalchemist23 (I still don’t know where umm you’re asking to be tagged to hahahaha sorry umm maybe tell me so I don’t have to umm tag you accidentally on stuff that you don’t like???)

Anyways (5x for fuck’s sake! ughhh) there are some people who wished to be tagged for the uhh Daminette Age Gap AU and umm this is all I have for now and this is not exactly that AU so I didn’t tag you... sorry :(

#ml #mlb #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ml x dc #mlb x dc #miraculous x dc #dc x mlb #dc x miraculous #dc x ml #dc #brucinette #mamanette #mominette #mama marinette #maribat #marinette x batfam #Damian's Adoptive Mom au

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ketsuyuki-hibana-typed · 4 years

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I get it, Anon, I get it. All of the Pillars are alive. But, I'll be lying if I said I'm not mad at Muzan, but he's hot. And Muzan you is still a dick.

HEEE HEEE *MJ voices*

Overall, this is really fun to write!

Kibutsuji Muzan x Friendly!Reader (Domestic Taisho EraAU)

Let's say. Muzan didn't really care about the Pillars. He actually sickened by "Killing Muzan by Ubuyashiki: A Whole Plan" scenarios, but keep searching for Blue Spider Lily.

He didn't order his Upper and Lower Moons to kill the Pillars. Whatever, they could slay his minions, yadda yadda but he will not lay up his hand on the Pillars nor the Ubuyashikis.

The reason was simple.

You.

"Muzan, it's me!" Your cheerful voice was heard from the front door, he stopped everything he do and quickly rushed to you

"Good morning, (y/n)."

"Morning, Muzan!" You put your shoes on the shoe rack. "I will make breakfast, like always! What do you want, Muzan?"

"Everything you cook will be fine by me."

"Okay!"

He actually didn't need to eat that, but seeing you with your Demon Slayer uniform covered with apron every morning was really pleasant. Also your food is somehow great on his taste bud.

"Oh, thank you for the antidote! Shinobu-chan said that she wanted to know you, but since you said to not tell anyone, I came up with a reason!" You put rice on his bowl and gave it to him.

"And what kind of reason you give to that Shinobu?" He took that bowl and started to eat. Who the fuck is Shinobu, he thought.

"I said that I picked it somewhere on the ground!"

"That's the stupidest reason you could come out with. And she believed that?"

"I don't know, she just sighed and continued her works." Muzan chuckled. He usually stared at you eating, almost forgot his own food.

He remembered the first time he met you. He was hiding after he lose on his fight with Tanjirou and the Pillars at Ubiyashiki residence.

Muzan recognized you as one of the new Pillars and about to change his appearance but he was caught by you. He really thought he will be killed

But instead, you said, "Are you lost? Can I help you? You look pale."

Instead killing you on the spot for saying him 'pale, he's playing along with the role, told you that his name is Toshikuni Muzan and he's a doctor who had special disease that couldn't stand under the sun.

When he knew that you are new Pillar, he thought about taking advantage from you to gather information about Demon Slayers. He thought about turning you into demon, or abducting you from there.

But none of it was done.

Now, the whole plan is a mess. His intelligence and tactical thoughts are useless. He was simply enthralled by your own charm. He could read your mind, clearer than the sky. He never sense any animosity thorough your head. It's just cloud of full happiness and full of kind thought.

He fell, really hard, for you.

And you didn't realize because thanks to you, the demon races including Upper and Lower Moons were about to extinct because he didn't create them anymore. He simply ordered his only trusted demon and Upper Moons now, Kokushibou and Akaza, to searched Blue Spider Lily. The rest could fuck off.

And now, you became his 'personal assistant' including his lover.

After cleaning the plates, you headed out to headquarters to give daily reports.

"Where's my daily kiss?"

"Hm, what kiss?" You stood in front of the shoe rack, looking confused.

"Here." He pointed his cheek.

"But aren't that supposed to do by married couple?" You tilted your head.

"Aren't we going to be a married couple soon?"

"We are going to be?" You became more confused, it made Muzan infuriated but he hid it well. "Just once won't hurt, I guess."

You tip-toed and hold his shoulder, did a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Have a good day."

"Bye, see you on night!"

You didn't live with him because you still have sick dad and little sister at your home. He has offered you to stay at his house, along with your family but you refused since you didn't want to disturb his research.

When you don't have something to do on the headquarters or currently not training your students, you visited him again in the afternoon.

You usually asked him what he wanted to do, helping him or sometimes just sitting on his lab and reading some journals he made.

"How is your father? Did the medicine I made worked?" He asked while shaking his test tube slowly.

"Yes!" You jumped from your seat and ran towards his desk. "He felt so much better! Thanks to you, Muzan! I probably never find a kind doctor like you!"

"Well, that compliment seems super honest to me."

"Of course, I'm honest! Right! How should I pay you back?"

"Date with me, tonight."

"Whaaat?? Aren't we always dating at night? Well, except the day when I have mission."

"That's fine."

"If you insist, we'll go!"

He smiled again. You always succeeded on attempt to make him pleased, more than anyone else. It's just a simpel thing though, but he appreciated it.

After eat lunch, you took a seat on his sofa, doze off and take a nap there. Muzan joined you, sometimes he slept on your thighs, sometimes you slept on his shoulder when he reading his book.

"Muzan-sama, I came to-"

"Ssh." Muzan put his finger in front of his lips when he saw Akaza from the window.

"Ah." Akaza lowered his voice when he peeked up on Muzan's shoulder. "Miss (y/n) is here, I see. Excuse me."

He didn't want anyone to disturb your nap. Not after he saw your eye bags, plus scars here and there.

Well, should I ordered my remained demons to escape or don't attack her, he thought. He looked at you again. Wow, what an idiot expression.

"Mu... Zan... How about... Scaly... Skin..."

He wiped your drool, and smiled with the same idiot expression with you.

It really hits different when people were in love, indeed.

When night comes, your 'date' with him is started.

You will hold his hand and pulled him around on the way. The reason, again, is simple.

"I'm not really familiar around this city."

"Huh? Even though you live near here? No worries! I'll be your guide!" You showed him smug smile, and grabbed his hand.

If Douma was around, he probably laughed at you because he knew that Muzan could remember roads and places in the blink of eye.

But, no, he won't tell you the truth.

When you walked around, you usually bumped on your fellow Pillars.

"Tanjirou!!"

"(y/n)! How are you doing?" Tanjirou approached you with bright smile.

"I'm great!"

"Did you just go alone? I just got news from Kasugaigarasu about this place. There are demons, it's dangerous to walk around alone in this city."

"Huh, but I walked with Mu- I mean, Toshikuni-san, my- eh? Where did he go."

"Hm?"

"It- It's my acquaintance." You looked around like a chick lose its mother.

"I see. Anyway, please be careful."

"I will! Thank you, Tanjirou!"

After Tanjirou waved his hand, you looked for him. "Muzan! Muzan, where are you- whoa!" You almost slipped and someone caught your back in time.

"Careful there, lady."

"Muzan! Where have you been? I just meet one of the strongest Pillar, I wanted to introduce you to him."

"I didn't want to meddle with Pillars except you."

"Why is that?"

"By the way-" He put a red hairpin on your hair. You tapped your head, feeling something. "Perfect."

"Muuuu, you always bought me things when we're dating! The only things I ever gave to you were handmade omamori and knitted scarf. It's so unfair!" You light-hitting his chest, he just laughed while playfully fend your hand.

"That's the essential of dating." He patted your hair. "Let's go."

You're still grumpy but soon forget about that. Both of you continued your walk, from the square to a little bit quiet place.

"Oh, hi, grandpa!! How is your udon selling today?"

"Auntie, let me help you!"

"Girl, you look cute on that dress!"

Muzan rubbed his forehead. Are you really not knowing the concept of 'Minding your own business'?

"You're really friendly."

"These are the people who helped me!"

"Just a little help."

"It means a lot for me!"

"Hah, read the situations will you." He mumbled. He didn't really like her being so friendly towards other. It really pissed him off.

"Oh? Oh? Muzan, are you jealous?" You elbowed his ribs.

"Yes, so kiss me." He moved his face towards you. You hold his face down.

"Why is everything had to be resolve by kiss?! Muzan you-"

You suddenly stopped. The sense of demons lingered around your body.

"Muzan, back off." You unsheathed your hidden sword. "The demons are here. Tanjirou was right about the rumour."

You didn't waste your time. Not wanting the demons attacking first, you went to the direction where the demons were ready to kill you.

He just stood there while crossing his arms, smile proudly of his little baby slashing down numerous demons in no time.

Oh, what a poor demons, they probably wanted to report something to Muzan. But nah, he will just ask Akaza what happened

"Done! I'll give the reports thorough my crows later."

"What a reckless move." He wiped the blood on your cheek. "I see you're not hurt anywhere. Thank you for protecting me."

"Of course!"

"Let us continue our walk."

It's just both of you now, heading back to home.

"You see, Muzan. I might kill demon and all but..." You looked down and smiled vaguely. "I wonder what kind of life they had before they become demon. Is she a daughter? Future bride? A samurai? I don't know. But I always pray they will get a good life in the next reincarnation after I ended their life as a demon."

"Really? How thoughtful of you." He stopped and stood in front of his house.

"Yeah. So-" You looked at his eyes, grabbing his hand and clasped it gently. "I hope you could heal, I hope you could see the sun, feeling the warm dissipate into your body on our next life. I hope we could meet on our next life."

Again, he read your mind. Nothing. just pure thought about him being a complete healthy... Human. It's weird because he saw the human value inside you.

He didn't just fell for you, he was demolished by you to the ground.

Your sister sometimes told you to stay him at night because he seems lonely.

"Nee-chan, I will take care of father."

"But-"

"I'm a Demon Slayer too, count on me!"

"Well..."

"Toshikuni-san looks lonely in that big house, as his lover shouldn't you accompany him?"

Since there's no problem with it, sometimes you went to his house an sleep with him. When you do, he's really happy and always promised he didn't do anything weird towards you without your consent.

His bed was so big, unlike the futon on your house. After change into your bed robe, you likes to roll around without worry.

"You really like my bed?"

"Uh-hum." You put your cheek on his pillows. "It smelled like you."

"That's why I told you to move here." He positioned himself besides you. He tugged you into the blanket, kissed you on the forehead and brought you closer to his chest. He caressed your back until you fell asleep.

"Good night, Muzan."

"Good night, (y/n). Sweet dreams."

He didn't need sleep, he only need you to stay by his side.

Oh how he wish he went back to human again.

#kimetsu no yaiba imagines #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba scenarios #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #kny x reader #kny #kny imagines #kny headcanons #kny scenarios #kny muzan #kimetsu no yaiba muzan #kibutsuji x reader #kibutsuji muzan x reader #muzan kibutsuji x reader #muzan x reader #kibutsuji muzan #muzan kibutsuji

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cynthiaandsamus · 3 years

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Custom Toonami Block Week 77 Rundown!

Code Geass: So since Shirley’s dead, Lelouch has a similar thought to Cornelia and blames the power of Geass itself instead of her actual murderer. So instead of using the Geass Order like he planned he decides to say fuck it and burn it all to the ground, completing his Darth Vader transformation by not only killing the men, but the women AND THE CHILDREN AND THE SCIENTISTS (Science is the fourth gender, look it up, it’s in Dr. Stone). But yeah half of this episode is just murdering scientist who granted were making child supersoldiers but also don’t have any weapons, like they have zero security no wonder Cornelia was able to walk right up to V.V. And the Black Knights are pissed about killing civilians but I feel like once the horde of children starts making them shoot each other they should get the picture. Rolo murders all his friends, C.C. murders all her former supports, Dietard puts a ninja hit out on Ohgi and Viletta also wants to kill Ohgi, poor Ohgi the dude has like nothing going for him and just ended up in this fucked up chess game and he’s just some dude that fell in love when he saw Viletta naked (didn’t we all) but anyway V.V. pilots Jeremiah’s Pumpkin Battleship and before Lelouch can make Rolo kamikaze himself for killing Shirley, Cornelia wipes him out anyway in probably her most badass moment in the series, using the Pumpkin Battleship’s Byakugan Blindspot to bring it down. V.V. is dead like five times over but Charles comes out to drag Lelouch into the Spear of Longinus so he can do Human Instrumentality or whatever.

Inuyasha: Naraku’s kidnapped Rin so Sesshomaru will kill Inuyasha for him and Sesshomaru hates two things more than anything: being implied he likes humans, and being told what to do, so he tells Naraku to fuck off and goes to fuck him up. This being one of Naraku’s plans of course Sesshomaru doesn’t actually have a choice in this and the battle is a farce so he can spread bits of himself all over and absorb Sesshomaru like Super Buu did to Mystic Gohan. However Inuyasha’s new powerup lets him throw a wrench in that by breaking his barrier and Kagura has to pretend to fight him even though she just wants the doggy brothers to fuck Naraku up. Also Kohaku and Rin have a cute little interaction while he’s holding her captive and Kohaku sees Sango again which triggers his selective amnesia shit. Like you get the feeling Kagura probably would’ve been a better guard for Rin but Naraku only has so many named demons and Kanna isn’t allowed to do anything so might as well throw Kohaku in there to get bonus mental damage to Sango which only works out if you know they’re going to split up like that. But again, this is one of Naraku’s plans so it’s like 50% torture, 50% just trolling people to fuck with their heads.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Younger Toguro faked his death and ambushes Yusuke’s date with Keiko because the plot just doesn’t want this relationship to happen. Toguro pulls up on a motorcycle which is just kind of weird to see and he takes Yusuke somewhere, idk if they walked or if Yusuke got on the back of the motorcycle but Toguro either tossing his motorcycle away to go walk to a car park with Yusuke or Yusuke holding onto Toguro’s waist while they ride are equally hilarious images. Anyway Toguro demolishes the parking garage while still breaking all the rocks that are about to crush Yusuke just to literally flex on him how much stronger he was than when they fought. It’s weird because Toguro seems to kinda be mad about having to fake a loss but also respect Yusuke as a fighter which is strange since Kuwabara was the one that put in the effort for that fake win. That doesn’t matter though cause it’s DARK TOURNAMENT TIME BABY! One of the most iconic anime arcs ever is about to begin and it’s kinda funny they yadda yadda over a two month training arc like there’s like three minutes of Kuwabara training with Hiei and Kurama (where Kurama is the bad cop ironically enough) and Yusuke training with Genkai again before it’s like “Okay let’s just get to the tournament” like I don’t think I’ve ever seen an anime where they announce the tournament and then go sign up for it in the same episode, usually they milk that shit to really sell the preparation but they go with “Here’s a few scene and Yusuke’s a lot stronger now, take our word for it” which is a funny way to start one of the most epic tournament arcs ever.

Fate Zero: This is an episode I’ve heard a lot about, Iskandar, Saber and Gilgamesh fuck around drinking, the whole thing kinda reads like a fanfiction or a Ghost in the Shell episode since 75% of it is just talking. Gilgamesh is basically like “Yo, see that shit? All that shit is my shit, even if I don’t know what it is, it’s mine, so fuck off.” Iskandar’s like “What could the man who once conquered the whole world want? To conquer the whole world TWICE!” and Saber’s like “Hey my whole country got destroyed cause I was thrown into a role I was grossly underqualified for so, maybe not that?” and this pisses Iskandar off because her regret and martyrdom isolates and enfeebles her, he sees the downfall of nations as inevitable and leadership as something to form a community that emulates their leader, not to isolate the ruler as some lone pillar. Also Kirei’s Assassins jump them and Iskandar uses Unlimited Dude Works to stomp them all. Basically it’s the whole Ling/Bradley discussion from FMA but with more nuance, rulers have to benefit their people but they can’t be so dragged down by it that it destroys everyone involved once that pillar collapses. So Iskandar’s like “Yeah you have a really toxic way of looking at things Saber, I’m out. Stop beating yourself up about what’s already happened.” And Gilgamesh is like “No, let her keep beating herself up, this fun, I’m having fun.” So Saber has the admiration of the villain and the disdain of the hero which is an odd situation to be in.

Konosuba: So this one is an OVA or something I think so we don’t get closure on the whole “Kazuma is going to jail for horny and non-horny crimes alike” subplot but we do get a cute little story about Kazuma slowly getting murdered while basically doing the Higurashi Punishment Games on everyone. Ironically he’s not pervy enough for Darkness or Aqua because he’s just a voyeur for Darkness and Aqua he apparently has no sexual attraction to whatsoever. It’s kind of interesting because a few times one or two of them heavily imply they’d just straight up take his virginity if it’d help and he doesn’t go for it, I don’t know if that’s better or worse than what he actually does but once again the ‘principled scumbag’ archetype comes into play and it’s always fun to see what Kazuma will or won’t do, it tends to be just enough that we’re willing to see him punished but not enough to make us hate him, it’s a surprisingly good balance. Anyway, Darkness is boobs, Kazuma may be a lolicon for Megumin, Yunyun and Wiz are also boobs, Aqua is boner repellant and Kazuma dies anyway because the real wish was the friends we made along the way but real friends are the ones that murder you when you’re a scumbag… or something. On to Season 2 next week!

Sailor Moon Crystal: I’m kind of loving the Evil Tuxedo Mask aesthetic, like the bishie face with the red eyes and the suit is really cool-looking. Anyway Tuxedo Mask is evil now and seduces Usagi all over again with the power of evil and video games. There’s probably a message here about girls falling for toxic boys but that’s the subtext over a lot of Sailor Moon that there’s lots of bullshit out to get teen girls and they shouldn’t waste their energy on it. Usagi’s kind of having an existential crisis over evil Tuxedo Mask and Luna’s feeling bad about calling him evil before and now that he actually is evil she doesn’t know what to do. Anyway he finds Zordon’s Tower by hypnotizing Makoto and we do the full transformation scene and speech for four of the scouts so you really know they were stretching the plot with this one. Usagi gets over herself but it’s too late, Evil Mask has the crystal and summons Queen Beryl by… flapping his cape, guess calling her was that easy, man you’d think they coulda just stomped these guys a long time ago but oh well.

Durarara!!: We leave off where Shizuo just crushed someone with a car door, good times. Celty takes the knife they had, believing it to be Saika but is so superstitious about it she doesn’t even see it’s a crappy Pampered Chef knife that’s like two years old max. Then Haruna, the reporter’s daughter reveals not only did she have a weird relationship with the teacher hitting on Anri but she’s also controlling all the Saika zombies around the city because to swords cutting people is loving them like how sharks bite things to see what they are. She sics her army on Anri and Shizuo separately and goes after her teacher who was just coming to sexually harass Anri again so… yay? Anyway Shizuo says fuck you to being in a polyamorous relationship with hundreds of sword zombies and Anri reveals that Haruna’s Saika isn’t the real Saika because HER Saika is the real Saika, we got katana school girls here folks, it really is an anime after all.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Code Geass #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Fate Zero #Konosuba #Sailor Moon Crystal #Durarara!!

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johannesviii · 3 years

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Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

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cerberus253 · 3 years

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Hello. What kind of girl do you think Drago would like, what would he find attractive in her to draw his attention? And under what circumstances can this happen? Ie ... within the framework of the series it is rather difficult to imagine, Drago seems to be interested only in his "destiny" to conquer, but this beautiful boy needs love and he is so young.

Oh this is a question! Okay so, there is a bit of a difference between what attracts Drago’s attention, and what he unconsciously desires and truly needs.

What I think would catch Drago’s attention and maybe heart is a girl who speaks her mind, knows what she wants, ambitious, dark-humored, athletic, cruel, snarky, has a dominating personality, doesn’t take no for an answer, and will do anything to get what she wants. So, basically a stereotypical evil tom-boy female villain in a cartoon show. The first character that comes to mind is Shego from Kim Possible. I’m not sure if she’s exact, but she’s a good starting point for what Drago might like.

It’d start off as a basic master and sidekick, all business and whatnot and maybe Drago finding them a bit annoying and sees them as more of a rival, but then he starts getting feelings through common interests and yadda yadda yadda... Here’s the problem, though. Although it is cute to think about two evil individuals being a couple because oh boy they’re so alike, that’s the problem, they are too alike. Yeah, they may enjoy torturing people and committing domestic terrorism, making snarky remarks and enjoying their evilness, but get over that superficial level and you’ll cross loads of problems.

This is definitely destroying the playful “shipping fantasy“ and taking things too seriously, but ya know what, I’m still going to do it.

Anyway, that said character may catch his eye at first, maybe he’ll attempt going somewhere, but eventually personal problems would arise on Drago’s end. Assuming you’ve read my other Drago QnAs, Drago has mental and emotional issues, having a low self-esteem, anxiety, maybe depression, and constantly needing reassurance from others, all on top of having a different culture compared to humans, which causes issues on it’s own. So, although Drago would like the evil female stereotype, what he needs is someone he can fully trust, is patient and understanding with him, is connected with their emotions, sympathetic, observant, not minding the drastic changes between wanting affection and avoiding it from him (having depression will do that to people, but mostly it tends to make the person want to isolate themselves. Know this, though, if you are dating someone with chronic depression, and they constantly do that, do NOT let that be an indicator of if they love you or not, for more often than not their love for you is at its greatest point. Why don’t they just stay by you instead of isolating? I cannot explain, but their world and their battles are far different than a normal person’s; all I can say is trust them. What stereotypical villain knows that and practices it?).

All the evil female stereotypes I see are always annoyed by emotions, bring others down just to make themselves feel better or just out of cruelty and think it’s funny, and their sympathy and compassion was lost years ago and they do not care anymore; they be real bitches. HOWEVER, I’m saying that is a STEREOTYPE. I’m sure there are more complicated female villains out there with a roller coaster of emotions, but what it comes down to they all have emotional trauma/trouble on their end and would not be too fitting with a partner who is just as damaged. Whether you want to or not, you cannot fix someone if you have not fixed yourself; it will only end in ruin. Now, if the female villain has the same trauma as Drago does, and they somehow communicate it with one other (that requires throwing out their pride and exposing their vulnerability, and who is going to do that first and admit they aren’t perfect instead of just getting angry and taking that anger out on the other, which damages the relationship past repairment if not treated soon enough, is beyond me), things could work out; neither of them would worry about proving themselves to the other, they can potentially empathize with each other (ya know, if that characteristic is taught in the first place, because we know neither of them initially have it), and they won’t have to worry about being abandoned because of what they cannot do for the other.

Basically, Drago needs a combination of the two. He’ll like a girl who is confident, speaks her mind, can argue and debate with him, has a bit of a sadistic side (sadistic towards others, NOT towards Drago), courageous, and a sprinkle of territorialness, but he needs someone who is patient and understanding with him and his issues, kind and loving (at least towards him), smart and open minded, and maybe having similar mental disorders that they have at least a decent grasp on, at least enough to help Drago through his. Mixing all this together with a broad sense of humor, not being a sensitive snowflake but respectful enough if something really upsets and hurts him they will halt whatever it is, being brave enough to speak against him if something is really upsetting and hurting them, and being by his side through thick and thin. At least, this is what I think. He would like a badass fighter (metaphorically), but needs a truly loving partner.

This is a little weird, but I legit believe that a relationship between Drago and I could work for a while and fill in that “emotion teaching“ slot, but lasting forever I highly doubt it because I don’t fill in all those “badassery“ characteristics; at least not in public. We’d totes be friends, though, even if he just contacts me very little and out of the blue with some random personal question XD The close friends I have tend to tell me they absolutely appreciate how they can just talk to me about anything and not have the fear of being misunderstood and judged. I take that as my number one good quality :V

#ask #jackie chan adventures #jca #drago #girlfriend #love

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fizzingwizard · 4 years

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I’m gonna talk Star Wars.

I been told there’s a bunch of drama (mostly shipping related?) going down RN so let me be clear, I don’t have time for that. This is the opinion of a casual fan (EXTREMELY casual fan), who doesn’t engage with Star Wars outside of the movies, and doesn’t think about it in between releases. I don’t know Star Wars lore and I don’t care. And I definitely don’t care who you ship/who you hate/what BNF was a jerk to you/yadda yadda seen it all before hun.

I know a leeeeeeetle bit more about the outer Star Wars universe now thanks to The Mandalorian, which I love to pieces, and which reminded me why I loved the original trilogy more than any of the sequel/prequel movies ever did. Mandalorian has a way of bringing the fun along with the drama and the action.

Anyway so here’s a random fan’s messy, undeveloped thoughts a month after finally seeing TRoS.

Honestly my beef with it is this: Finn. I loved TFA because of Finn. Because of Rey too - and Poe - but mainly I stan Finn. Because I just think Storm Trooper-turned-Rebel is too fucking awesome.

And the way he was depicted - not some cold hard killer, not some unfeeling robot who needs to relearn empathy - but someone with an inner kindness and sense of justice. That was so unexpected. I never dreamed up a Storm Trooper defecting, let alone one who defected because he’s just too damn human to be programmed into the perfect soldier.

And I feel like... the movies ended Finn’s story there. In the first movie. It’s like they had this great, captivating idea - “what if a Storm Trooper joined the rebels?” - and then had no follow up for it, but did it anyway. He’s got some cool moments in the other movies, of course he does. But, idk. I just thought it was all gonna have more of an impact. It really became Rey’s trilogy, and I suppose it was from the start, but I thought there’d be a bit more sharing.

Finn > Kylo Ren. Not a ship thing, just a “which character do you want to know more about?” thing. For me that was definitely Finn. And I feel like this is a theme in my life? I join a fandom and instantly fall for the character who to me seems to have a bunch of potential and an awesome personality, but the writers don’t take them where I’d hoped, and instead shunt them aside to focus on exploring some brooding edgelord.

I get that redemption stories are powerful and I like an anti-hero as much as anyone else. Actually, I loved Rey being someone with the ability to raise Kylo up. I don’t hate Kylo Ren at all and I always expected him to come back to the light side at least to a certain degree (I was almost wrong, judging by the scrapped script, but in the end they did what I figured they would). After all, he’s Han and Leia’s kid, he must have light in him somewhere - and writers bank on audiences getting excited over the question of how he’d rediscover it, and whether it’d be in time (considering the atrocities he’d been involved in already, “in time” has a very vague meaning).

I don’t hate Kylo and Rey facing The Big Bad together in the end, although I did think it was a little "isn’t this the sort of story I liked to read in middle school?” But yeah, it was too predictable to be disappointing.

What was a huge disappointment was that Finn wasn’t there too. I know he was off being awesome with Poe but I really REALLY don’t think that’s where he needed to be. He’s fucking force sensitive. Let him use the force!!

What I wish had happened was, when Rey does her “I must face him alone” thing and winds up cut off from Finn and Poe and has to deal with Kylo - Finn should’ve gone too. There should have been some other way, even an extremely difficult one, where he goes after her. Means Poe goes back alone, but Poe’s also got a subplot of his own that doesn’t have room for two. He’s got to take the lead in a seemingly unwinnable battle and that’s the sort of thing that is even more heart-wrenching when your friends are absent and in trouble themselves somewhere else. Poe seems to like Rey in TRoS, but he’s also frustrated by her. Poe’s heart is with the war. Where’s Finn’s heart? I think it’s with both Rey and the war, but I think Rey should have gotten precedence. After all, we just finished establishing that Finn is NOT the perfect soldier. He does what he wants. There ought to be huge potential for Finn to grapple with light or dark himself, but I guess... no?

Rey could have had her little tete-a-tete with Kylo all by themselves while Finn’s out struggling to get to her and taking a long time. I just needed him to join them before the end. Be the unpredictable element. Finn doesn’t have a spiritual connection with Kylo Ren. Finn has no reason to trust him. What if Finn showed up right when Kylo’s blown back to his death in that crevice and has the chance either to save him or let him fall? Either way, we could still have Kylo’s spirit coming back to breathe life back into Rey. Preferably while Finn’s holding her. I guess then there’d be less kissing, though. :) I’m okay with that.

I don’t hate Kylo/Rey as a ship. It’s a normal ship tbh. Everyone likes the bad guy. Wolverine fucks Mystique every chance he gets and how about that girl who fell head over heels for Khan in the original Star Trek? For Wolvie I’m not sure if it’s a complex thing or just lust anymore, but he always comes back to the X-men. Khan girl left with Khan, but only after saving the Enterprise from him. Good guy/bad guy ships can got all sorts of unexpected ways, no one really expects she’ll be straightening his tie on his way off to his perfectly normal white collar job while she stays home with their adorable, Force sensitive child and promises him he’ll get lucky if he’s home on time. (I’d love to say Rey/Kylo Ren is doing more than just capitalizing on that dynamic but uh, I think it’s too late for that.)

But that doesn’t (shouldn’t!) mean that story comes at the expense of everyone else’s story. It could be more powerful, not less, with a third player. Or even a fourth. Instead they drew a line between Rey & Kylo/ Finn & Poe and sent them in different directions. That might have been fine with me, as much as I wanted Finn to help Rey, if both storylines had been equally powerful. But they weren’t! One was just a war! It had lots of cameos and lots of typical “we’re losing! wait! there’s an entire fleet of ships beyond those clouds!” moments. At the time I turned to my BF and said “Forth Riders of Rohan!”

Like come on.

I enjoyed the movie. It just left such a pile of could-have-beens behind that it really cuts back on that enjoyment.

IMO, they should have done something different in TLJ. If they’d set things up for this movie more in TLJ, I might not feel so cheated. It’s almost like you can just skip TLJ and just watch the first and third to get the story here. And speaking of TLJ, I haven’t mentioned Rose, and it’s only because 1) yeah she deserved so much better! and 2) I can barely even remember her, because she had the misfortune of being introduced in TLJ, which has now been rendered only semi-relevant, and then was for the most part absent in TRoS. Another missed opportunity. It’s like the writers went “Let’s introduce a character who’s just gone through a war-related trauma and continues in fight in that same war, because that sort of strength resonates with people! But like with Finn we’re not gonna bother creating any follow-up to that so her entire story will pretty much be over as soon as you meet her.”

Big fat MEH to all of this.

But for all the disappointments, I still LOVE Finn/Rey/Poe. I love it the same way I loved Luke/Leia/Han. The fun is there, the camaraderie is there - the stuff that makes you give a damn when bad things happen to them is there. The beginning of TRoS that gave us Finn, Rey, and Poe wandering around together was my favorite bit since Rey flew Han’s ship. The dynamic was almost the same as the original trio. It was almost there, it was so close I could taste it.

Mandalorian, you’ve managed to win back my heart to the fandom. I’m counting on you!

#star wars

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amuseoffyre · 5 years

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Crossing Paths - 1345-1351 - The Great Mortality

Notes: My take on one of the reasons Crowley isn’t a fan of the 14th century. This is Not A Happy Chapter.

1345 – Sarai Batu

Flies flitted along the surface of the Volga, the heat leaving a soupy mist clinging to the surface.

Aziraphale fanned himself with his cap as he plodded along with the caravan towards the bridge. The city lay ahead, clay walls and towers stretching up to a sky thick with heavy grey thunderheads. A storm was coming and it was going to be a big one.

Ahead of him, a wagon was trundling slowly onwards, one of its passengers slumping forwards off the open back.

Aziraphale hurried to catch up with it, catching the boy before he could fall off the wagon. The poor creature looked exhausted, blinking in confusion, as Aziraphale gently pushed him back upright against the bales on the cart.

“He has a fever,” the boy’s neighbour said with a sour look at him. “I told him to sit on the front with his father, but he insists he is well enough to sit here and not fall.”

“I will be fine,” the boy said hoarsely, though Aziraphale was far from convinced. The boy was shivering despite the heat and his lips had traces of blood on them. Clearly he hadn’t been drinking nearly enough.

“There are alchemists in the city,” Aziraphale said with a reassuring smile. “They will be able to help.”

All the same, he walked alongside the cart, keeping a careful eye on the boy, as they trundled up onto the bridge and towards the city gates.

The boy’s neighbour, a middle-aged woman who gave the strong impression of maternity, was more than happy to talk, explaining they had come north from Ashtrakhan and had been on the road for days. They had finally gathered enough for their son to attend one of the Medressahs in Sarai Batu and were bringing goods to trade while they delivered him.

“A student?” Aziraphale smiled. “That’s wonderful. They have some marvellous teachers here, I am told.”

The boy smiled wanly. “It is so.”

“And what brings you to the city?” The mother asked.

Technically, he didn’t lie. “I carry messages.” Technically, ‘carry’ was stretching the truth a bit. Delivering was more accurate. For some reason, he had to report on a new and viable piece of land some 200 kilometres further north, though he had not dared to ask why. The word had to be spread organically, he was told, and so naturally, he had let it slip to everyone he could on the caravan.

Why they needed to know such things, he had no idea, when they had a beautiful and expansive city already. Possibly for an expansion. Maybe a brother-city. Still, it wasn’t his place to ask and so, he had not, though it didn’t stop him wondering.

Ahead of them, the gates were opened and the guards were stopping each new arrival.

“Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale leaned around the side of the cart to see one of the guards hurrying towards him, grinning, barely recognisable in his pointed helmet, his red hair hidden. He excused himself to the mother, then trotted towards the guard. “Crowley? What on earth are you dressed as a guard for?”

Crowley made a face. “Business as usual. Go in, be distracting, tempt people, yadda-yadda.” He reached out and plucked as Aziraphale’s dusty sleeve. “What the Heaven are you? Some kind of wandering hermit come down from your cave?”

Aziraphale swatted his hands away. “It’s quite the fashion!”

“Maybe twenty years ago, yeah.” He jerked his head towards the city. “You going in?”

Aziraphale nodded. “I have some messages to deliver.”

“Ugh.” Crowley made a face. “Fun.” He turned, pointing out one of the guards. “That’s Mirza. Tell him I cleared you.”

Aziraphale smiled with relief. It had been a long journey and finally reaching his destination would be a pleasant respite. “Thank you.”

Crowley snorted, waving him away. “Get out of it, angel.”

The guard, Mirza, a sleepy-eyed man who smelled quite strongly of date wine, let Aziraphale exactly as promised. He didn’t seem like the kind of man who needed much encouragement to be tempted. The angel waited on the other side for the cart and the mother and son, pointing them in the direction of the right quarter to find something for the boy’s well-being.

“Enjoy your schooling,” he called after them, as they rolled away, then he turned, sniffing the air. Somewhere nearby, something spicy and delicious was cooking. And it so happened that inns were a perfect place to spread interesting messages, so he followed his nose and his growling stomach in that direction.

_______________________

1347 – Off the coast of Messina

The ship pitched and Crowley grabbed at one of the trailing ropes to steady himself.

No one shouted out in warning. Only a few of the crew were on the upper deck and they had enough to deal with.

“Where are you, my lad?” He picked his way along the deck, grimacing. There was a lot more slop there than usual. Human waste from the looks of it too. He was about to head up towards the forecastle when a familiar presence prickled at his senses.

Aziraphale? Here?

Crowley glanced at the forecastle, then shrugged. It could wait.

The angel wasn’t on the deck, but it wasn’t a big ship and it didn’t take long to find him. He was standing by the hammock of one of the crew, his hand on the young man’s brow and didn’t even seem to notice the rest of the invalids in their swaying hammocks all around him. The place stank, even more than the average ship’s belly, and that was really saying something. Vomit and slop and waste mixed in a wet slurry on the floor.

“Didn’t know you were coming out this way,” Crowley said, ducking between the wildly swaying hammocks.

Aziraphale glanced back at him. “Last minute secondment,” he said with a pained smile. “I might have left this one to you, otherwise.”

The demon ducked under the hammock, popping up on the other side and peered at the angel’s charge. The young man was whey-faced and sweating, his eyelids fluttering, a thin blanket pulled up close to his chin. “Anything special?”

The angel’s lips pursed. “Nothing more than a minor healing,” he said, and Crowley knew him well enough to hear what was going unsaid. Whole ship of sailors looking a bit peaky and he was only allowed to help one of them. “He needs to be well enough to get himself home.” He glanced over at Crowley. “You?”

Crowley waved vaguely in the direction of the forecastle. “I’m meant to be tempting the captain. Had it in my schedule for a couple of weeks now.”

The angel’s brow furrowed. “Bit odd, both of us being sent to this one ship.”

And even more odd, the fact that Aziraphale was questioning it.

“Who knows with our lot?” Crowley shrugged. “You done?”

“A few more minutes,” Aziraphale demurred. “You…” He waved a hand. “You have work to do. We can find each other on the deck.”

Crowley snaked his way back through the swaying hammocks to the narrow staircase. The ship was swaying and rolling far more than it should have been. Crowley had been on enough ships to tell that things were definitely wrong with it.

It took him several minutes to get up to the forecastle and when he reached the helm, he understood why it all felt so horribly wrong.

The Captain was leaning against the ship’s wheel and looked almost as ill as the man that Aziraphale was tending belowdeck, his face grey and drawn. Blood frothed in bubbles at his nose and mouth, and Crowley could see the cord he’d strapped around himself to hold himself to the wheel, trying to steer his ship home.

His ship full of sick and dying sailors.

Crowley could remember Astrakhan and Istanbul and everywhere in between and the bodies lying where they fell.

“It’s all right,” he murmured, stepping out of ether into solid matter. “You can stop.”

The Captain stared at him, his eyes yellowed and bloodshot. “We’re so close to home.”

“You are,” Crowley consoled gently, “but… but…” A cross swayed at the man’s throat, and oh, it was a dirty trick to play on a dying man, but he let his wings unfurl. “You can rest now. You’ve come so far. It’s time to rest.”

The man swayed helplessly as the wheel turned, his grip too weak to stop it. “Rest,” he echoed.

The cord snapped under Crowley’s touch and he caught the man as he staggered. “Yes,” he said, slipping his shoulder under the Captain’s arm. “Come. Rest. You’ve done well enough.”

It was barely really a temptation, not when the man was so weak and could barely speak let alone resist being laid gently down on his narrow cot. Black-tipped fingers clutched spasmodically at the covers and Crowley sat on the edge of the bed, watching him.

The ship rolled again, veering starboard, and the man shuddered, struggling to rise.

“Rest,” Crowley repeated softly, offering a vision of smooth waters and a still harbour and at last, the man’s taut body sagged against the narrow bed.

He waited a few more minutes, then slipped back out of the cabin, making his way down onto the deck. Aziraphale was standing by the mast, just to the side of reality. No wonder. The angel wasn’t good with ships. Never had been, not since Noah.

He didn’t look happy, even though he’d just performed a miracle, and judging by the way he was watching the suffering crewmen, Crowley could guess why.

Still, he glanced around as Crowley approached. “Finished already?”

Crowley nodded. “We should probably get out of here. Don’t want to raise any questions.”

“Messina?” Aziraphale suggested with a brittle smile. “They have some lovely seafood there.”

“Sounds good,” Crowley agreed at once, just wanting to be away from the ship.

It wasn’t until several months later that he pieced together why they were both there. Why his temptation would have steered the ship off course. Why, at the last minute, Heaven had intervened and sent a blessing to save a man who would bring the ship safely in to port. Why Messina was forever marked as the source of the Great Mortality.

By then, it was too late. By then, the body count was already growing.

In the years that followed, he never told Aziraphale.

_____________________________

1349 – South of Toledo

“Crowley?”

The demon didn’t look up from the dirt he was kneeling on. “Don’t.”

“You– what are you doing?”

The demon’s head was bowed, his hands lying – filthy – in his lap. “There’s no one left.” He sounded calm. Far too calm for Aziraphale’s comfort. “I thought someone should… take care of things.”

Aziraphale looked around at the deserted village. He had passed through some ten years earlier on his way south to Seville with a trade delegation. It wasn’t a large village, but it wasn’t small either. Several hundred people who worked the fields, living in closely packed houses.

“All of them?” He couldn’t keep the tremor from his voice.

Crowley nodded, picking at a loose thread in his tunic. “It’s getting worse,” he murmured. “Have you been in London recently?”

Aziraphale shook his head, throat dry. “How bad?”

Crowley looked up at him. “Could be as much as half.”

“Oh Lord…” Aziraphale breathed. The city had been flourishing and he had come to love it a great deal in his many occasions spending time there. It was – as he had told Crowley a few centuries earlier – beginning to feel like home.

“Don’t think they’re much in the mood to help just now, do you?” Crowley didn’t sound angry so much as tired. He ran a hand over his face, smearing dirt on his already filthy cheeks. “I’m– it’s– I’m meant to make things worse.” He laughed bitterly and prodded the grave he was kneeling on. “I was meant to tempt him. Best I could do was tempt him to stop. Told him I’d finish what he was doing for him.”

Finish.

Aziraphale stared around the place that had once been a meadow, but now was lined with makeshift wooden crosses, some barely more than two pieces of wood tied together with string.

The demon looked up at him, eyes shadowed and bleak. “What are you doing here anyway, angel? No one left for you. No miracles to be given. Too late for that.”

“I don’t know,” Aziraphale admitted unhappily.

It was all exhausting and there was so little respite, between the Great Mortality burning its way through Europe, the political carnage ripping through Asia and so many little incidents that felt like the first pebbles of avalanches of upheaval.

It was so tempting to press his luck, offer blessing and respite and kindness and miracles where he could, but there were too many angels abroad now. The risk was too great and there were so very many people, far too many for him to save them all.

With visible effort, Crowley struggled back to his feet.

“I need a drink,” he said. “Saw a couple of bottles in one of the houses.”

Aziraphale baulked. “Stealing from the dead?”

The demon’s eyes flashed brief fire, but it was gone almost as soon as it appeared. “It’s not like they’ll need it where they’re going.” He ran his hand over his face again. “C’mon, angel. I need– we need to… not think about all of this. Just for a little bit.”

When Crowley picked his way back in the direction of the village, Aziraphale followed.

____________________________

1350 – Kutná Hora

The streets were deserted.

It was too familiar now. People hiding away inside, as if that could stop what was happening.

Crowley made his way through the winding streets of the city. He had no reason to be there. There had been some vague orders about tempting some woman to steal some thing, but he was tired and no one was really keeping score.

Instead, he was winding deeper into the hovels of the poor quarter, following the glowing beacon of energy he knew better than anyone else.

The house was little more than a shack, probably the home to a tightly-packed family. Or maybe it had been once. There were marks etched into the door. A warning to others no doubt. At least they hadn’t gone as far as bricking it up to keep the contagion contained. Some places had been that extreme.

Crowley pushed the door open carefully, the hinges creaking, and ducked inside. It was gloomy enough that he had to remove his glasses, squinting around. Yeah, definitely a former home to a number of people. One of them was still… almost fresh.

“Hello, Crowley.” Aziraphale was sitting on the floor, a small bundle in his arms.

“Angel.” He crossed the floor, ignoring the body on the bed behind the angel. “What’ve you got there?”

Aziraphale looked about as tired as Crowley felt, deep lines scored in his face, but he smiled, small and brittle. “I saved her,” he said, every word enunciated with broken-glass sharpness. “She’ll be fine.” He parts the ragged blanket to show a small round face and large, dark eyes.

“Oh, angel…”

“I had one miracle left,” Aziraphale said quietly, as if he hadn’t heard him. “And she was so very scared and… she’s only little. It only took a little one.”

And if Heaven realised…

“Let’s take her somewhere safe then,” Crowley prompted gently. “There’s a church. They’ll take her in.”

He hoped they would, at least. The churchmen had suffered as much as anyone, giving their lives to help their faithful to their rest. But a child, especially one so small would be– they had to see a blessing for what it was, didn’t they? A living child surrounded by so much death had to be a blessing for them.

The church wasn’t far, but Crowley slipped his hand under Aziraphale’s arm anyway. The angel looked utterly spent and the last thing they needed was for him to fall and drop the precious little life he’d risked so much to save.

At the steps of the church, he let Aziraphale go and miracled up a basket and some warmer blankets for the baby. Getting Aziraphale to loosen his grip and let the baby go was another matter, but the angel was too worn out to resist for long and Crowley laid her in the makeshift crib.

“Take her in,” he urged the angel. “Someone will look after her.”

He waited outside in the stretching shadows as the angel disappeared into the gloom of the church. The bells chimed twice before Aziraphale emerged, empty-handed and drawn.

“D’you want company, angel?” Crowley asked quietly, watching him with concern.

Aziraphale nodded stiffly. “Please,” he whispered.

_________________________________

1351 – Smolensk

“Do you think it’s going to end?”

Crowley leaned across the table and obligingly refilled Aziraphale’s cup. “Must do. Can’t keep going forever. It’ll run out of people.”

Aziraphale nodded wearily. He had seen a lot of dreadful things in his time. Humans could be horribly creative. But there was something different about a sickness that was utterly indiscriminate about who lived and who died. It was one thing to despair of man’s inhumanity, but another entirely to know there was absolutely no rhyme nor reason for the millions of dead scattered from Asia and across the breadth of Europe.

“We do what we can. You know that.” Crowley looked down into his own cup.

Aziraphale nodded again. While his miracles were sparser, he blessed where he could, granting respite and peace and soothing what hurts he could. Crowley’s temptations were… unsettlingly similar: tempting people to stop fighting, tempting them to rest, tempting them to indulge in a last piece of bliss before the end.

“When this is done,” he said slowly, “I am going to get so drunk I can’t even see straight.”

“Don’t we do that all the time?” The demon raised his cup in demonstration.

“No, I mean properly drunk,” Aziraphale replied, shaking his head. “Strongest thing I can find. If I don’t regain consciousness for a few days, I will consider my job done.”

Crowley lowered his cup from his lips. “Angel, that sounds like a bloody marvellous idea.”

Aziraphale tried to smile. “You think so?”

“Name a time and a place and I’ll bring the strongest rotgut I can find.” Crowley offered his cup for a toast. “To getting utterly ratarsed?”

Aziraphale tapped his cup to Crowley’s. “And not remembering a second of it.”

#fic: crossing paths #good omens #good omens fic #crowley #aziraphale

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mcnstres · 6 years

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( casually slides onto the dash ) HEY THERE! i’m s, and yes, it does indeed stand for shithead, and i live in pst. i turned twenty just four days ago so that means three hundred and sixty-one more days until i can legally drink in the united states. cue the confetti poppers. but anyways, i’m v v excited to be here and can’t wait to plot with you all! that being said, hmu if uh, you know, you wanna like, plot or sumthin sumthin. my IMs are open but if that’s not really your style, i also have a discord that i’d happily give out if you ask. but yeah, below the read more is all that jazz, yadda yadda, ye.

rape tw, abortion tw, death tw

* ADRIA ARJONA & CISFEMALE / / here we’ve got BELLE MÁRQUEZ-ROSALES, the THIRTY-EIGHT year old VAMPIRE - luckily, SHE actually looks about TWENTY-FIVE years old. with a reputation for being BENIGN, AUDACIOUS, CREDULOUS, and SELF-DEPRECIATIVE, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them. BELLE has been around faulk hollow for 2 WEEKS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear CONFIDENTLY LOST by SABRINA CLAUDIO? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

she was born and raised in grand haven, michigan. her mom had her at 16 and idk where her dad went but uh, he wasn’t in the picture. her aunt was 27 when her mom had her, and she’d already been told she couldn’t have kids, so when belle was born it was kind of a blessing in disguise for her. the mom didn’t really want anything to do with the kid, she was a teenager at the time and was too wacked out over the fact that the baby-daddy vanished. so yeah, her aunt and uncle were basically her parents

never had a good relationship with her mom. also has a lot of half-siblings due to the fact that her mom just wouldn’t stop having kids lol

belle’s always been kind of, idk, perfect?? she was a good baby, quiet, barely ever cried, always sleeping; she was a good kid, remembered her abc’s and times tables in the first few weeks she learned them, never talked back to her tia; she was an exceptionally good teenager, didn’t drink or smoke like the other kids, kept straight a’s, did hella volunteer work, etc. you get the whole gist. she was just... good. she did everything she could to NOT become her mother, and so she worked hard and kept out of trouble

but then when she was 16, belle was raped. it happened after her sophomore homecoming football game; her friend wanted to go to a party to celebrate and belle didn’t want her to go alone so basically she only went to keep an eye on her. long story short, belle found herself locked in a room with a drunk guy and that’s when he took advantage of her. she ended up pregnant afterwards and got an abortion. at first, she was going to keep it because she was raised by a very religious family, that’s partially the reason why she has so many damn half-siblings, but her aunt supported her decision to get the abortion

despite what’d happened to her, belle continued to try and see the best out of her life. she used it as her motivation to get stronger, to get out of grand haven and make a better life for herself. she graduated high school as valedictorian and then ended up going to the university of michigan

she entered college as a human biology major. she wanted to get her phd in gynaecology and eventually join the msf, aka, doctors without borders

life seemed to be going well for her. she fell in love, got into med school, and she just felt like everything was on track

but you know, something bad always has to happen when she thinks everything’s good and dun dun dun she gets turned into a vampire!! she, tommy(da bf at the time), and his sister were ambushed by vampires. while tommy survived, she and his sister were turned. they decided to stay away from him and let him believe they were dead because one, belle couldn’t control her bloodlust for shit and she didn’t want to end up killing him or sumthin, and two, she was ashamed of what she was. she thought he’d see her as a monster. to this day, belle still hasn’t really come to terms with the fact that she’s a vampire

belle and tommy’s sister have basically been moving from town to town, living in a place until blah blah something goes wrong and they have to move again. the last time they had to move from somewhere was because belle almost killed someone, yay. they’ve been in faulk hollow for about 2 weeks now and she isn’t really aware that there are other things besides vampires out there??? like “ghosts??? ghosts aren’t real”

no daylight ring so ya girl stuck in da dark. BUT if there were some kind of witchy woo out there that’d make one for her... that’d like.. be a nice thing to plot out *eye emoji*

totes drinks blood bags. she a bambi lover and drinking from humans is a huge no-no for her because uh surprise she still has problems with her bloodlust

* THEO JAMES & CISMALE / / here we’ve got ANDREI OVCHUKHOV, the SEVEN HUNDRED AND THREE year old VAMPIRE - luckily, HE actually looks about THIRTY-SIX years old. with a reputation for being ENDEARING, VIGOROUS, IMPETUOUS, and INTEMPERATE, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them. ANDREI has been around faulk hollow for FIFTY-FOUR YEARS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear GLORY & GORE by LORDE? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

he was born into a family of farmers in early 14th century russia. he was the eldest out of six children and his parents were simple, kind people. they struggled to make a living out of their harsh environment but always remained optimistic

things only got harder after his father died of disease. he had to take on the role of the “man” in the house and continued to farm, which mind you, was not at all what he wanted to do. he wanted something more out of life, to be something more. he had such ambition but was tied down to a lesser living by his obligation to family

1351, the black death came to russia. the weakest and less fortunate were contaminated first, so it came to no surprise when one by one, his siblings began dying of the plague. first it was his youngest sister, then it was his brother, and so on. the last person to die was his mother. he’d been by their sides the whole time, not caring if he too would get infected, and took care of them all until their last breath

one night, when andrei was sitting alone in the empty little house, a stranger came knocking at his door. it was storming heavily that night and the woman was looking for shelter. he warned her that the plague still lingered in his home, but oddly enough, she didn’t care. he let her stay and during the short time she was there, andrei basically told her his whole life story. she was an unfamiliar face and he was in dire need of letting out all his pain, so who better to tell than a person he probably wouldn’t ever see again? the next morning, she turned him without permission and without hesitation

at first, andrei had doubts about his vampirism. he didn’t like the idea about having to feed off of humans, but after awhile, all those doubts and sense of moral faded away. he realized that being a vampire was what he’d wanted all along - the abilities, the immortality, all of it. he could get anything he wanted and soon that power started to get to his head. that, and the bad influence his maker was on him. they spent his first century as a vampire together, sometimes as lovers, sometimes not, but in either aspect, she always had some kind of hold over him. she introduced him to the wealthier side of life, to over-indulgence, luxury, all that sha-bang. she created the person he is today. but after awhile, things began to get strained between them and their companionship ended rather abruptly(probs pretty violently too ngl) and to this day, andrei still holds hella negative feelings towards the other

after three centuries of taking lover after lover, partying like the world was gonna end, surrounding himself with luxury and wealth, basically living as the dionysus incarnate, he met yelena vladimirovna. he found her absolutely breathtaking and it found it extremely hard to stay away, even after news of her betrothal got around. the night of her wedding, he seduced her with promises of immortality and ever since then, they’ve been together. that’s his boo yo.

they partied hella and lived an extravagant life for the longest, so when they decided to settle down in faulk hollow, it was a huge change for him. he didn’t really like the boring and subtle lifestyle, but let’s be real, he’d probs do anything for yelena so he dealt with it. but fifty-four years later and he’s starting to get real anxious, he might even start killing people randomly because he’s bored and needs something to do lmao

got a daylight ring wayyy back when. also probs gave one to yelena as some kind of “engagement” ring

can be seen strolling around town in gucci and versace because he’s #extra

#◤ ❛ ―– ᴅᴏᴇs ’s’ sᴛᴀɴᴅ ғᴏʀ sʜɪᴛʜᴇᴀᴅ ▹ ooc #faulk.intro #rape tw #abortion tw #death tw

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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Do you have a Beatles shirt? why would I? Do you know anyone who is going through a hard time? ... me?... Do you stay up really late, or are you one of the first people asleep? stay up late

Do have any plans for this evening? nope How has this day been for you? sigh... Did you get to sleep in today? nope Is life at all what you expected it to be when you were a kid? pfft The last thing that made you angry? What about sad? no comment Do you think about the way things used to be often? mhm Is there anyone that you would like for things to be the same with? grandma for example What do you feel like right now? ugh... The last text message you recieved says? “Może coś pooglądam” When was the last time you totally freaked out? recently

What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? had sex

Did anyone close to you give birth this year? my ex friends

Did anyone close to you die? no one close

What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? health, money, peace or however to call this state

Did you suffer illness or injury? sadly

What was the best thing you bought? can’t decide

What song will always remind you of 2020? shitload

What do you wish you’d done more of? eat if possible

What do you wish you’d done less of? worry, spend time visiting doctors, paying for meds, suffering, waste of time and money <yadda, yadda, yadda> *wash hands - jk

What did you want and not get? medical help and job

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? nothing has changed

What kept you sane? internet (music, games, tumblr and such), my gf, dad, sleeping, shopping...

What issue stirred you the most? mine or world problems?

would you ever watch a bullfight? I’m against bull fights would you ever travel to Greece? not interested what sound can you hear right now? sawing wood and washing machine

Do you remember what you wore yesterday? had my blue pants with daisies and SW tee with plaid sleeveles shirt over it What is your favorite kind of fabric? cotton and polyester? Would you consider your voice high, low, or in the middle? childish, weird

When did you first hear of Harry Potter? my elementary school bestie been obsessed with it

How many pictures do you take a month on average? *shrug* Are you the type people should take seriously, or should they think you’re joking most of the time? I’m often joking but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take me srsly at all, you know? What do you think of therapists? useless Do you have a bad temper? do I? What do you think about how around Halloween a lot of people harm black cats? that is a dumb excuse, not that anything gives you right to hurt cats in other situation than protecting yourself/someone from an attack Would you ever go to a sperm bank to get pregnant? creepy Do you have the same initials as anyone else you know? no one I know has initials like I do What do you think of people who use the saying, “Ignorance is bliss” in defense of something? that’s true but we can’t be ignorant all the damn time If a little kid walked up to you and asked, “Are you goth?”, how would you respond? awww thx but I’m not Does it annoy you when people say their heart is “broken”? only when they reffer to crush they never even spoken to once Would you rather hang out with friends, hang out with one close friend, or be alone? be alone Would you know exactly how to help a person if they were choking on something? in theory, I’d try my best What are you listening to? Talor Swift - Love story Have you ever painted one of those “Paint By Numbers” things? several times

What color is your carpet? no carpet in my room

Do you have shower curtains? we don’t

Do you think Oprah is lame? Ellen is

Do you play with dead bugs? *screams and runs away*

What was the last bug you killed? mosquito?

Do you flush trash down the toilet? that can clog the toilet so nope

How many country songs have you heard today? not a single one

How many yellow shoes do you own? 1 pair

Don’t you just love those ‘Axe’ commercials? they’re incredibly stupid and irritating

Did you know that the average human eats 8 total spiders in their sleep? I heard

If you had to switch races, what would you be? asian?

What is your favorite shade of blue? navy?

Have you ever thought about getting a mohawk? in middle school I had this idea for a moment :x

What’s your favorite extinct animal? mammoth, dodo, moa

What’s your favorite eating utensil? tiny forks are cute and wooden spoons are nostalgic

When was the last time your stomach growled in a quiet place? this or last month *awkward*

Have you ever rolled around in wet grass? not wet

Where was the last public bathroom you used located? KFC

Have you ever dipped a guy’s hand in warm water while they were sleeping? I’m not an asshole

Do you ever imagine random people in their underwear? whaaat?

Do you have any asian neighbors? our neighborhood ain’t diverse

Does your grandmother/grandfather use a walker? cane

Do you die without chewing gum?apparently not. I haven’t had gum in years and I’m still here.

Are you glad it’s summer? yasss How many calories would you say you take in a day? fuck off Have you ever pissed outside? more than once Ever not liked someone because of their race? I’m not a racist Are you pregnant? I an asexual lesbian and have period rn... Do you wanna be? no way in hell Do you share a bathroom? with fam Do you hate it? YES Describe your entire family in 3 words. mom, dad, sister Do you shower once daily? yep

Are you by any chance a perfectionist? slightly How would you react if your artwork became famous? wow

Would you turn people into stone if you could? waste of space, who would want to look at those statues? Have you ever cooked a cake over a campfire? (I have, it worked ^_^) it’s possible?! good to know Are there any orange clocks in your house? why orange... Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? ... left? When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up? often Which shoe do you put on first? whichever What will you eat next? rice or oatmeal? Name something that you have more than 28 of. problems Do you like peas? why not Do you enjoy llamas? yup

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ask-sanji · 7 years

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i'd like to create an ask blog like yours (about the idiot marimo though) so any advice? thx

//get lost.

jk. XD

OMG!!! LET ME ENCOURAGE YOU TO ACTUALLY DO IT!!! I might be not the really best person to give one advices, but here are some tips for you and everyone who owns an askblog or planning to make one I guess

It’s good to dedicate yourself into an askblog, but don’t tire yourself over it. It’s okay if you are slow in responding, people won’t take it as a problem. You have a life. Remember you are a human too.

Also if you got hate for advice number one WELP FUCK THEM and just ignore the shitheads. If they dislike your blog they can find another or make one of their own.

It’s good to KNOW and connect with your character, emotionally. Find out about them, know them. Be the character. Feel the character. So you can imagine what they would act in ANY kind of situation. Use your own headcanons. It’s okay! Don’t be scared! People interpret the same character the different way. Take me and @ask-the-cook‘s Sanji. We are similiar, but not entirely. He is definitely gayer. (I fucking love you you piece of shitty me.) We have our own headcanons and portrayals and it doesn’t make us any less “Sanji”. Keeping things IC are okay, but being OOC(whether it’s on purpose or not) at times is OKAY too. GO WILD. People have different headcanons and it could be interesting to see all of them.

I personally recommend making your askblog a MAIN BLOG. As in you make an entire new tumblr account using a different e-mail address yadda yadda (yeah it’s hella complicated). But it’s kinda worth it! You can interact with other askblogs and people more! Making your askblog a secondary blog is not that much of a problem either. Maybe you can do it like @asknijivinsmoke‘s style, where the mod types everywhere with @asknijivinsmoke whenever they interact with someone or sending asks (in anon or not) writing the said URL before saying your commentary/ask. The other reason why I recommend making your askblog a main one is because you can manage your follow list easier so you can keep track of other ask/rpbloggers so you can keep interact with them.

INTERACT!!! It’s up to you! You might be shy or too awkward but don’t worry people are mostly chill! And interaction can leads to ridiculous roleplays and dramas and events just like what I did with all my brothers (hahahaha!)

This is optional but I recommend to use TAGS. I have to admit I am the MOST UNORGANIZED PERSON you could’ve ever meet… but I try my best to keep track and tag every of my posts so people can filter things out easily when they want to find something (I have a tag list page here and I keep it updated every time a new one is added). The tag page could be optional, but at least make sure to tag your posts so people can check it out even if they have to do it manually to do so.

Some askblogs don’t really open their submission, but I think it’s best if you kept both ask and submit box open. The PM could be turned off if you are awkward. And you can close both of the ask and submit boxes when you feel like closing asks for a moment. OH! And place the ASK LINK to somewhere VISIBLE so people can find it easier!!!

AND MOSTLY… REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN!!! Don’t stress yourself just because you own an askblog. Do the blog for yourself, and not for anyone else.

I hope these helps! I am not really good in writing this kinda thing. It’s messy and all but bleh whatever XDDD

So once again, have fun and good luck!!! And welcome to the askblogging world :D Don’t be shy to CONTACT ME anytime and INTERACT. I AM ALL OPEN!!!!

Also if you want some tips for getting popularity in askblogging, @askrosetto got it covered in this post.

Oh,… and for the “get lost” comment on the beginning of this post..

maybe you should actually go do it. Go and get yourself lost. You are planning to be a Zoro anyway, right? It would be IC. lol.

#text #anonymous #answer #toro post #askblog #tips #???#what do i even tag this as #story

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joshhutchsource · 7 years

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Josh Hutcherson AMA Transcript

This is the transcript from Josh’s AMA on Reddit on February 16th, 2017. All spelling and grammar errors are as written by the original people This is very long, so the majority is under a read more.

Q: Do you miss working with the Hunger Games cast?

Josh: yes... they were the best! family forever. i miss them all dearly... however we still hang now and then and keep in touch.

Q: Hi! What's your favorite television show to watch?

Josh: the Bob Ross painting show... i can benge for hours

Q: Hey Mr. Hutcherson, is there any actor (that you have not yet worked with) that you wish to work with someday?

Josh: so many.... joaquin phoenix is up there for sure.

Q: Hi Josh, You got second class treatment from Rosemary Telesco and continued with Katniss Everdeen. Does it hurt your feelings?

Josh: hahaha.... life imitates art…

Q: What do you define as your first "big break" into acting and that business?

Josh: For me my first ever job was personally my big break.. I was 9 and I held a goat in the backgroud for a bible study video in ohio.... everyone starts somewhere…

Q: How do you go about choosing a script that you want to work on, both for this project and other professional work?

Josh: I want originality. Characters that are bold and have clear voices. i also want to push the boundaries of what reality is.

Q: Hey Josh! What is the craziest encounter you've had with a fan?

Josh: i had two girls and their mom show up at my door a few years ago during christmas with my family..... that was..... awkward. Im not answering the door next time. Haha

Q: do you think 2017 is going to be a good year?

Josh: hard to believe it can be... however I feel like so many people are getting involved that werent before... this is a moment when people feel energized.

Q: If you had not been an actor, what profession would you have done?

Josh: i like building stuff... and i like photography... maybe building stuff and taking pictures of it... if thats a job

Q: Because Im sure you get the same questions over and over - what's your favorite day of the week, and why?

Josh: Thursday... not becuase im here... but because i like how the word looks. and wednesday is finally over.

Q: JOSH is there anything you couldn't live without?

Josh: my freedom of speech and gluten

Q: your favorite song at this moment?

Josh: Lazarus by David Bowie

Q: Why were you such a little bitch in the hunger games ?

Josh: i prefer other words... however this little bitch survived. so... yeah.

Q: Which country do you think is the safest in a zombie apocalypse?

Josh: Iceland... no doubt. Zombies hate Byjork

Q: What's your idea of a successful person. What would make someone successful in your eyes?

Josh: A person who is comfortable in their skin... I'm defintely not. I have gotten better as time goes on but someone who is and who is genuine is successful for me.

Q: Do you have any advice for someone dealing with depression?

Josh: I'm not certified to answer this sort of thing. However I go back to perception. As well as really find what you care about and express it. film, music, walking... whatever it is that you can connect with is what i try to lose myself in.

Q: i feel like, in my mind, i always associate you with the jungle. Why is that?

Josh: that really makes me smile. I love the jungle and i feel a part of it often. thank you.

Q: hi josh, I'm not very good at english so I can't write a good question but do you like mango?

Josh: yes... im human. never trust someone who doesnt

Q: What do you think about Darren Aeronosfsky as a director?

Josh: I think hes great... requiem is on point!!

Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Josh: here in this ama.

probably isolated somehwere thinking of ideas of things to make movies about. I dont know!!!! cant think that far ahead honestly.

Q: in ten words can you describe your experience directing "Ape"?

Josh: BEst experience of my life creatively hello cars cat apples

Q: What's your favorite food?

Josh: Skyline Chili... Only available in the greater Cincy area…

Q: You still here? And if so, what do you think of the Oscar contenders this year?

Josh: Moonlight!!! That movie was incredible. I also really loved LA LA Land. those two really stood out for me. so many great performances though. Denzel was on point!

Q: Donald Trump or President Snow ?

Josh: I mean... one in the same right?

Q: How are Driver and Manchi?

Josh: they are the loves of my life.... I worship them. I believe they are quite happy. they get plenty of love and attention!

Q: ‼️‼️‼️ BERNIE SANDERS !!!! ❗️❗️❗️❗️

now that i got your attention,

Do you watch TV SHOWS ? If yes which one

You are such an inspiration to me. After almost 10 years as a fan, im really proud of you and everything you've achieved! I cant wait to watch ALL your upcomings projects and you are such an AMAZING human being Joshua. Thank you for everything. Seeing you in Paris in 2015 was the best moment of my life, i hope i will see you again and talk with you. Please don't forget your fans, we love you so much. (We missed you so much) Will you ever come back in France? :)

Josh: THANK YOU!! that made my day=] I love france and would love to come back!

I do watch some tv... not so so much. I really love GIRLS. that show is so perfect in so many ways. Ive never seen a show that feels more flawed and honest like that one. Best characters ever.

Q: Really wanna know if you'll keep supporting Bernie although the election is over?

Josh: ABSOLUTELY. we must. things are crazy now but we need to vote in local elections and keep our voices loud. I miss the days when Bernie was a real option…

Q: Hey Josh! Congrats on your director debut of "Ape." Were there things you did differently as an actor because you were also the director? How did it change your perspective?

Josh: it was hard... I liked it a lot but it was tough because i couldnt watch the monitors obviously so i had to make notes in my mind while acting in the scene... i realy liked this experience though and i have somehow even more respect for directors than before.

Q: Do you believe in a real life happy ending? If yes, what would you tell someone who kind of lost hope?

Josh: I think a happy ending is possible. I really believe its all about perception. If you can learn to manage that then you can find ways to be happy all the time

Q: HEY JOSH! I'm so glad you have finally done an AMA!

What advice would you give you're teenage self when entering the theatre/acting community?

Josh: thick skin. actors are the most insecure and insane types of people... with that you need to have thick skin to deflect the dissapointment and let downs and judgements.

Q: Do you want to repeat the experience as a director??

Josh: No doubt. I loved it. its extremely addictive and Im feining fo some mo.

Q: Hi Josh ! How are you ? Will there be a French subtitled version for Ape ? I'm a French fan :) Thank you !

Josh: oui... i think.

Q: Yooo RV was a dumpster fire of a movie...that being said, how awesome was it to work with Robin Williams??

Josh: hahahahah! Robin is a saint... biggest heart in the world and never a dull moment. he was the best.

Q: What kind of movies would you like to direct in the future?

Josh: I like stuff that bends reality and questions the human condition... bending the rules. I love films like being john malkovich and eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

Q: Hey Josh! What's your all time favorite movie or a movie you think everyone needs to see?

Josh: Two for the Road. 60's film that was way ahead of its time and has inspried so many modern love stories. its great!

Q: Hello, Josh! As an aspiring filmmaker, I know how tedious making any sort of film can be. What gets you motivated to create? Also, what’s your favorite snack? Cause, duh, snacks are some of the best motivators.

Josh: Honestly I think i get inspired when i see a dope movie... like when i saw moonlight i just wanted to go out and create something personal and important.

Also sitting in a restaurant looking around and making up stories about the people...

Snack..... kale. Fuk off kale!! frosted flakes

Q: JOSH. Huge fan, you're awesome, yadda yadda ;)

You're such a strong ally to the LGBT community. How did you get involved with your organization, Straight But Not Narrow? What is your advice to the community in the wake of certain political events?

Josh: We started SBNN becuase it felt like there was a lack of outreach to bridge communities together... especially in schools where bullying is brutal. I think now more than ever showing your support to your neighbors is paramount in surviving whats going on.

We are all here and human

Q: What was it like working with Mark Ruffalo?

Josh: Hes the best guy in the world. I love that human!

Q: Josh! Favorite 80's movie?

Josh: Lost Boys

Q: Do you have any directorial advice?

Josh: prepare!! Its so important to know what you want to make so when youre there on set you have it all set up.

The script is the absolute base for everything. understad it inside and out.

Q: Hi Josh!

You and I went to the same school, and you even lived in the same neighborhood as some of my close friends. We’ve never met because you always looked like you wanted privacy and I wanted to respect that, plus I’m a shy person who wouldn’t have known what to say. I’ve always wondered if you felt like you sort of missed out on your high-school experience, and if that impacted you on a social and mental level.

I’m trying to pursue my dream of becoming a published author, but sometimes I just feel like it’s never going to happen and that I’ll never be successful in the only thing that I’m passionate about. What advice would you give to someone who’s been told over and over again to give up their dream and focus on a more practical plan for their life?

Thanks for doing this AMA! It’s really awesome seeing someone from Union doing what they love!

Josh: I think that going for something different in life is for sure the most important thing to do... FUCK THE HATERS!

Only you can stop yourself from going for it.

that should be on an inspirational cat poster...

Q: How would you beat up Donald trump?

Josh: With knowledge.... it seems to be his biggest weakness…

Q: Would you rather be attacked by 50 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?

Josh: One horse sized duck.... no question... Ive seen some big ass ducks…

Q: What are the kind of things you learned while working your blockbuster role in "The Hunger Games Trilogy"?

Josh: TEAMWORK. we had massive crews and it is not possible without all that.

Q: Josh Do you have any Tips for a Happy life?

Josh: Inner happiness... you wont find it in anything else in the world. thats the only way to get by and be happy

Q: what is the number one thing on your bucket list?

Josh: go to patagonia…

Q: Was this role challenging for you to play and how do you think you did?

Josh: It definitely was challenging... its a deep and dark place to go to and I like tapping into that side of myself... I think I did alright... Im my hardest critic

Q: It's so easy to hack me because all of my passwords are your name, what do you think about that?

Josh: Its kinda dope,... maybe try changing it for a bit?

Q: What is your favorite horror movie?

Josh: I really like It Follows... and classics like the shining of course... some chronenburg stuff too... butchered that spelling

Q: Is it harder to be an actor or a director?

Have you thought about being in another large franchise such as the hunger games?

Josh: Hmmm. I would say that directing definitely requires a shit ton more focus and work!!! Id say thats more challenging for sure

Q: Are you looking forward to doing the full length APE?

Josh: YES!!! The plan is to fastrack this into production after the short comes out. the feature is even deeper and darker... gonna be weird…

Q: If Peeta tried to fight you, could real life you take him down?

Josh: fuck yeah!!! well... maybe not. I have a ferocious side that I can tap into.

Q: Hi Josh (my brothers name too) What is the most Hollywood thing you have done/seen so far?

Josh: dont ever come to hollywood for a vacation... its tacky and nothing like they make it seem. Hah.

Q: There's definitely a theme of dealing with mental health issues in your film. Is this something you've dealt with personally?

Josh: There have been moments where I've questioned my mental state... haven't gone too far down that road but I think it's beyond interesting to try to empathize and deal with people who are dealing with those.

Q: hey josh! the other night i was really high and felt like i was you. did you feel it too?

Josh: Wait... was that monday?? I felt something then…

Q: Hi,

What is your dream role, if you could have any in the world, and what is your dream directorial role (genre, plot, cast to direct)? If you had to pick one of these, dream role or dream directing opportunity, which would you prefer to do?

Now this is the obligatory thank-you part that I could not pass up the opportunity to post, considering how much your LGBT+ work has meant to me:

I figured this would be a good opportunity to send some well-deserved thanks your way and hope you see it…! This idea of wanting to thank you started in a letter I started writing a good few years ago now… which I still happen to have in my bedside table, because it never got sent. (I don’t think I ever figured out where to send fan-mail to you, which didn’t help my cause.)

I don’t remember, when I was younger, knowing of any out actors. I’m 20 now, but up until my mid-teens, there was a big blank space around the ideas of ‘LGBT+’ and ‘the world’ being connected for me. I’ve known I was gay since I was 11, but the experience was very isolating, not knowing any gay people in real life. I had no foundation to go on, no experience in this, and obviously felt as though I couldn’t talk with anyone about it, even though I remember very few support-type services.

I remember seeing you in Zathura (my Dad loves Jumanji, so it was bound to happen) and ever since then, I think I’ve just sort of stuck with you. I must have seen that movie when I was about 12/13, and I think that’s when I started to hear what it was you were saying, because I noticed it was relevant to me. I followed what you were saying, and as I got older and more aware of myself and the world, it really started to have an impact on me. I felt as though that was my connection, as though that was my way of learning partly about who I was.

Even though you weren’t gay, the fact that you were only a few years older than me and were into the things and the field I also enjoyed really helped me relate to you. Because I related to you and because you actually meant something to me, the message you seemed so passionate about really resonated with me and it gave me a sort of courage and hope I don’t think someone older (or just generally someone whom I didn’t look up to) would have been able to instil. For the first time, someone I liked and someone I respected was talking about this thing I wasn’t able to share with anyone else. And they were a proper force in the ‘wider world.’

I never really struggle with ‘being gay,’ but I struggled with what other people might have thought, and again your dialogue helped with that. It was just so amazing to see someone whom I respected acting in a way that showed me he would treat me and people like me just as he would any other person. Even though it wasn’t a two way conversation between us, I felt that because you were a person with such a big stature who was brave enough to say this in public, that surely you knew people like me were out there and you were at least partially talking to us.

In the big scheme of things, I didn’t have it as hard as some others do, and I never want to take that for granted. My parents are relatively liberal and Australia is an OK climate to LGBT+ in. But I still found that it was hard to relate who I was with something bigger, and it was scary thinking about whether I would have to start a journey of discovery (not just self-discovery, but a discovery of ‘everything LGBT+’ I suppose you could say) on my own. Simply said, you helped me bridge the gap that I think sometimes people forget exists, even for young LGBT+ people in “supportive” environments. Just because they’re supportive doesn’t mean they’re informative or comfortable.

Nowadays, I’m so happy when I see younger celebrities come out, because I know how much that visibility and that platform means to young LGBT+ kids who simply want to see someone like them on television or in the media. Ellen Page, Charlie Carver, Tom Daley, Troye Sivan, Gus Kenworthy, etc, are all fantastic people that I just know will help make all the difference in someone’s life, as you did in mine.

So, all in all, I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do for me and everyone else like me! I think it’s fair to say you’re not just an ally, but a friend too. I hope one day I get to shake your hand and thank you in-person for what you’ve done.

(...well this is the most personal thing I've ever written on this website.)

Josh: Of course! I think its beyond important to give people their voice and fair shot at what they want from life. GET OUT OF THE WAY HATERS!

Only light can drive out dark.

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bluepenguinstories · 4 years

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Happiness Overload Chapter Forty-Four

We held a funeral in the gardens of our island. Hail Mary's in the form of dead flies thrown over a patch of dirt. Oh, Jeremiah. He would have loved those flies. They were his favorite.

“Care to share any parting words, dear sister?” I turned to the froggy girl beside me, also in mourning.

“Polo!”

Polo stepped up to the patch of dirt. We never bothered with a casket; not because we couldn't have afforded one, but because it would have made much more sense to us to let Jeremiah decompose on his own. It's what he would have wanted. Probably. Not like we could have asked him after he was already dead.

“Polo,” she croaked in that way a griever would croak. After that, she hopped away. That was her whole speech. Her great eulogy. With my head down, I wiped away a single tear that may not have even been there. My eye might have just been itchy due to allergies.

“Thank you, dear sister. Tell me, who has a greater brother-sister bond than the two of us?”

She opened her mouth and flapped her tongue about. Wasn't sure what that was all about, but that was the beauty of it all: I didn't have to know anything.

At last, it was my turn. You could say that my steps forward were less of a walk and more of a chaotic crawl. Now, who would make such an analogy was beyond me, but the point was, you could have made such an analogy. Wouldn't blame you if you did.

I cleared my throat, and began my speech:

“Dear brother Jeremiah, I never understood a single word you said, but you sure helped me drink my wine.”

I did that whole Catholic hand motion across the shoulders and chest thing. You know the one. Not that I did. But I didn't need to, I just needed to act like I did. Actually, I knew, because of course I did, I had knowledge of just about anything at any given point in time (but never all at once and sometimes I knew things while other times I wouldn't know the things I previous knew. Such was my fate), but I had to act like someone who didn't know who was acting like someone who did.

If you're confused, don't be. Life and death in its natural states are chaotic, confusing messes. So if you wanted to break the curse, you just had to say that you weren't confused. That made enough sense, didn't it?

Next to me stood our headquarters, a simple building in the middle of an island. To think, I built this whole organization, known as Lilypad, through such virtues as lying, cheating, and stealing. Was it always easy? Actually, yes. Humans are easily exploited.

From such a statement, you might have considered me some kind of monster. But that couldn't have been further from the truth. I loved (and love, tenses are confusing as well as they were and always have been confusing. Thinking about tenses have always made me, well, tense) all my siblings, just as I've loved everyone and everything I've ever met, in some way or another.

When news broke of Jeremiah's death, I had a whole crew ready to clean up the evidence and transport his body in a safe and delicate matter. But also in a matter that signified urgency. Because it was an urgent matter. We have always cared for our own. With a sigh, I made preparations toward other important matters. One of my associates and “siblings” in this non-related family approached me. For the sake of argument, we'll say this one was named “Gumby”.

“What do we do now, Marco?”

“We move forward,” was my sullen response to the great and gay axolotl. “Just as we always do.”

My shadowed finger clicked on the phone's screen. What would happen next, I was already aware of, but it had to be done for it was the responsible thing to do.

As usual, been bummin' and schemin', being the baddest of asses, yadda yadda.

Well, wouldn't you have it, I was in the privacy of a crowded street when I got my long-awaited phone call.

“Finally! What took you so long? Never mind that, what I'm more interested in is whether I have to call you Celia V. or if I can just call you Celia? Like, is the 'V' really that important? Maybe we don't have that kind of relationship where I can just call you 'Celia'.”

“Kelly Roger, I regret to inform you that I am not that woman,” came an old, familiar croon. Almost had a bit of a laugh to his tone, but then, it could have been an attempt to sound solemn. Ugh. Hated that guy. But...he called at a convenient time.

“Marco!” Hey, I got his name right! “Holy shit! Okay, so you probably won't believe this, but I've been in a dilemma for the past hour or so on how I was going to contact you and out of the blue, you call!”

“I know what you want, but I ask: must you torment a man in pain?”

I paced about and picked my nose. “What, is this about how the guy you sent to kill me fell off a building and died? Yeah, I think I've earned this one.”

“Jeremiah was a dear friend of mine. He is irreplaceable.”

“Wait. Dude. His name was Jeremiah? And he was a bullfrog? And he was a good friend of yours? Holy shit. This is just one stupid reference, isn't it? What kind of fucked up world do we live in where you genetically engineer someone just for the sake of some stupid reference?”

I swear, I was gonna bust a nut laughing. This was too much.

“Please don't laugh, I'm still in mourning.”

“What's your deal, anyway? Why're you so obsessed with me?”

“Take a seat. There should be a bench somewhere.”

“Why, is this gonna be a long story?”

No answer. I checked my phone. He was still on the line. I groaned and looked around. Just a couple blocks over, I found a bench and sat my stupid ass down.

“You could have joined us, but now...it is too late for that.”

“Yeah, kinda figured that when you sent someone to kill me.”

“Shh. I'm telling a story. See, you could have joined us and it probably would have gone like it did in another timeline. Or universe, if you prefer. See, another me manipulated another you to take the ride in the elevators several times until you were so braindead that you put your trust in me. Then, I crushed it. Why? So I could start a catastrophe. Why would I do that? Because my alternate self is an idiot who doesn't appreciate what he has. Oh, I know the reason. His mind isn't quite clear, he's bored. He's frustrated. He wants answers. Just as any man would, really. Or any man who isn't human and who's lived as long as I have. But that's neither here nor there.”

“Okay, soo...you're high on something, aren't you?”

“Always. That is also neither here nor there. Please, don't interrupt me. I deserve to have a whole thousand word speech.”

“Not really. But go on.”

“What about me? What makes this me and that me so different? I'll tell you what, Ol' K. Rog. It all comes down to integrity and commitment. At least one of those I don't actually have, but I'm not sure which one. Which is not to say that I, speaking to you now, am not or will not get bored of the empire that I have raised. But who would I be if I just abandoned it for some other goal? No, this isn't about me. This is about frogs everywhere who --”

“God damn it, will you get on with it? Nobody cares.”

“You are quite rude, you know that? And while I do find it charming, even funny, and just a tad amusing, it's still worth pointing out.”

“Can you keep it to, like, five words, minimum? Wrap it up here!”

“Okay...” He sighed. Not out of defeat, but if I had to wager, just for dramatic effect. “So the me here and the me there are aware of each other and neither of us agree, and we both accomplish what we set out to do and we both meet our downfall, just in different ways. For me...the address to where my base is...”

He gave it to me. Easy as that.

Then, he hung up.

I threw my fists into the air and yelled “woo-hoo!” (But I don't mean like The Sims kind of 'woo-hoo') Everything was going my way. Take that, Conrad!

My boss could be a real sadist.

Well, any boss could. Just by virtue of being someone's boss. But my boss had a real fetish for it, I could just tell.

While there were countless examples, the current one was that she was not present when I needed to speak with her.

“Etna!” I called out.

Silence.

Actually, maybe this wasn't such a bad situation. I mean, no boss, no work, right? I was finally free!

I got up out of my seat, and as soon as I did so, she appeared.

“Where are you going?”

“Uh, to the bathroom? What are you going to do, monitor my bathroom time?”

“Please, I'm much more civil than that. Do I not let you come and go as you please?”

“Uh...shit. Yeah. You're right.”

“All I ask is you update me if any progress has been made.”

Right! That reminded me!

“Hey, so earlier, Kelly Roger wanted to know where we're located. Said if I told, they'd give the address to Lilypad's base. But I figured since we're, like, a big secret and all...”

“Go ahead.”

“What? Just like that?”

“I know what Kelly Roger is trying to do. I find it amusing. So I'd like to play along.”

“Uh-huh...”

“Celia V.”

Yikes. Referred to me by name. This can't be good.

“Do you know the best way to break someone?”

“No? Unlike you, I have actual hobbies.”

“Not through bodily harm, but by crushing their spirit.”

Yeah. Real charming.

Didn't have time to stretch my legs or nothin' before the next call came in. Probably Marco again about to drop a whole essay bomb on me.

“What is it this time? It can't really be that important, can it?”

“Uh...yeah? Yeah it can. Didn't I even say I'd call you?”

Oh. It was Celia V.

“Sorry, my head's a mess.”

“Really? I thought there was nothing in it.”

“Oh, har-har. Do you want Lilypad's address or not?”

“That depends, do you want to know my address?”

My heart skipped a beat.

“W-Why would I want to know that? It's not like I'm coming over.”

“Etna's not home.”

“What?”

“I'm talking about my boss's HQ. Where's your mind at?”

“Nowhere! Jeez! Anyway, you gonna tell me or what?”

“Hm...how can I trust that you won't hang up as soon as I tell you? Maybe you should tell me Lilypad's address first.”

“No way! If I did that, you'd just hang up and I'd never find out the location of your boss's lair.”

“So what are we to do? It's not like we could just blurt it out at the same time, because then neither of us would catch a word the other was saying.”

“...Actually I was thinking that would've been a great idea...” Well, there goes that plan.

“WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! DO I HAVE TO CARRY ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS FOR THE BOTH OF US?!”

“Hey! This isn't easy!”

She huffed. “Not like I said it was. How about we just meet in person and you can take me to Lilypad's base and I can tell you the address to the ETNA Corporation's base on the way. Deal?”

“You mean, like, IRL?”

“We've already met once. Don't make this more awkward than it has to be.”

Oh right. She was that one naruto cosplayer at the parking garage. Totally forgot that even happened until she mentioned it. Funny, too, seeing as my hand still hurt like hell.

At last, I gave her my apprehensive response:

“Let me consult my waifus on this, first.”

“Seriously? Look, I don't have time for this.”

She hung up. How rude. She didn't even wait to hear what my waifus had to say.

I took to my seat, a throne. Before, I didn't have a throne. I had an office where I slept, and that was royal enough for me. But for the special occasion soon to occur, I figured I would pull out a chair from under one of the computer desks and microphone in hand, addressed my non-biological family of frog people.

“Brothers, sisters. It was nice knowing you all. But soon, we will be raided. This is not me giving up on our goal, as the bomb is still set to go off. In a few years, we may see new frogs rise from the ashes. Consider this a necessary sacrifice.”

There were croaks and bellows, burps and groans. Quite the uproar.

“I understand your frustration, I do. None of us want to die. Except me. I've always been curious to know if I could, y'know? I've lived for thousands upon thousands of years, so if I manage to get killed, this will be a new experience for me.”

“Polo! Polo!” There it was, the cries of my sister. Oh, anyone, anyone but her.

“Go, go and find yourself a girlfriend. For the sake of your dear brother.”

Polo hopped offstage. There was no stage, so really, she hopped her way to the back of the building where the emergency exit was. I knew she would take a gondola and travel far, collecting many flies along the way.

“Ah,” I closed my eyes and smiled. “This is fine.”

I could already hear the boots raining outside, soon to crash through the door and the whole building to erupt in a blaze of gunfire and bloodshed.

If, they proved unsuccessful, if my froggy friends killed them, or if they failed to kill me, well...that was fine too. Either way, there would be entertainment.

See, my other self had it all wrong. Why trigger the end of the world when just the fact that the angel had been introduced to the world signified that the end would come in its own time? For that matter, why wait for such a thing to happen when we could see the end at any time? All we had to do was close our eyes...

If she thought I was going to sit and wait for her to show up, she had another thing coming. There were several hard drives worth of hentai in my backpack and it all wasn't going to watch itself.

So, I got up and stretched my legs. Then stretched my arms. It was as if I was gearing up for a big race, something that would never happen given 1) asthma, and 2) fuck exercise.

Just as I started walking toward wherever it was I was walking toward, I caught a glimpse of brown hair, ponytail, and not a 2D character. In other words...c'est la dork herself.

Sadly, she was not wearing that orange jumpsuit this time. Just as I was beginning to associate it with her, instead she wore a black T-shirt with text that read 'I woke up like this' and pajama pants with little bunny rabbits on them. There was also heavy eye-baggage going on, which led me to the theory that she really did wake up like that.

“I'm surprised you're not wearing slippers,” I greeted.

“Shut up. This is professional attire.”

“Professional 'what'? Professional sleepyhead?”

She kicked my shin and I yelled out.

“Fuck! Fuck!”

“Just take me there already,” she growled.

“Fine, sheesh. What about the address to your secret base?”

She passed me a rolled up sheet of paper. As I unrolled it I was expecting it to say 'fuck you, just take me to Lilypad's base or I'll kill you', but instead, it actually had an address. Still, it could have been a fake, or a false lead.

“How do I know this is legit?” I pressed.

“Dude, I hate my boss. She's so domineering. And I'm not even into BDSM.”

“So that means?”

“Whatever you were planning to do with that information, go ahead.”

“Well, I was gonna tell Marco, and I was gonna have his gang and your boss's gang duke it out in the hopes that the two would destroy each other. But now that you're next to me, that would probably be a bad idea.”

“Go ahead,” she shrugged. We were still walking, headed toward the docks. “Call him right now.”

“I don't actually know his number...”

“Ah, too bad. You were almost smart for a second there.”

“Wouldn't you be out of a job if ETNA Corp got destroyed or something?”

“Eh, I got a cousin in Chicago. I could probably crash at her place. That, and I might be able to collect unemployment.”

There was something suspicious about how chummy we were getting. How she just seemed so okay with the prospect of her whole organization going down. Either she was planning something devious, or...yeah, that was the only option.

“So what do you plan to do once we get there?” I threw the question.

“Tell my boss, what else would I do?”

“I thought you hated her!”

“Yeah, well, it's still my job. For now, anyway.”

We continued walking down the street, it would be about a mile or two to the docks and to be honest, I did not feel like I was in any sort of rush. Maybe I could even stall to figure out how to perfect my plan...

“Hey, look! There's an ice cream shop!”

She groaned. “Focus. This isn't a date.”

“I-I know that! I was just testing you to see if you knew that!”

“OH MY GOD. Have you even been around another girl before?”

“Yeah, Velvet.”

She pondered that. “Oh yeah I forgot about that. What was that like? I bet she drove you off the walls because of how annoying she can be!”

“How would you know?”

“Because it's been my job to watch you guys!” Then she held her belly and gave a hearty laugh. “And this whole time, none of you knew! I really am the best!”

I shrugged. “Such is life.”

“So anyway, what was she like?”

“Eh...untrustworthy? Sometimes worrying...she'd pull her hair out from stress. Really freaked me out. Oh, and she would sometimes avoid certain people when she wasn't feeling up to it.”

“Yikes! Sounds like a nervous wreck!”

“Yeah, but I mean, I guess she was good at what she did? She was capable at doing whatever Conrad threw at her, the problem was that he'd give her these tasks most would find impossible and give her impossibly short deadlines.”

“Jeez, and I thought my boss was rough. I can't imagine a boss who would do something like that.”

We arrived at the docks and at first I thought it best to just write down the address for her.

“Do you have a piece of paper and something to write with?”

“Tch. Why bother? You could just take me there, right?”

“What? You just like hanging around me that much or somethin'?”

“NO! But you could write down a fake address. I want to know I've got the real deal.”

I sighed. Things were not going according to plan after all. She was just way too clever. I must have underestimated her because of how idiotic she appeared at first glance, but after spending a little more time with her...it was clear I couldn't get anything past her!

But! Not to worry! Nothing had changed! I could still pull this off!

...until I looked around and realized one tiny problem.

“Yeah, there's no way we're gonna get there,” I blurted out.

“WHAT?! WHAT. THE. FRIAR TUCK. DID YOU SAY?”

“There's no boat or nothin'. Unless you wanna swim all the way out there.”

“Wait a sec. I thought the hideout was somewhere on these docks.”

“...I mean, I'm not even sure, myself...I've never been there...” I muttered.

“I HEARD THAT!”

Without hesitation, she grabbed onto the collar of my shirt and held me over the dockside.

“I ought to have you sleeping with the fishes! You lead me all this way and you don't even know where this place is!”

Shit. Not only am I afraid of heights, but I can't swim either. The great goddess Aqua would have a riot if she knew the predicament I was in. Think, think...

“Hey! Look over there! There's a boat!”

She turned her head.

“Nice boat,” she remarked.

She set me back down and all I could think about was how strong she must have been to have picked me up. I didn't think she had it in her.

As it turned out, she had a terrible sense of judgment: it wasn't a nice boat, not at all. It was some dingy old raft thing, and you had to use paddles, too!

I shook my head.

“No way am I getting in that thing!”

“You don't got a choice, bud.”

“If I get in there, my clothes will get dirty!”

“Your clothes are already dirty.”

I wanted to protest further, but it was like I was being held at gunpoint. Which, I wouldn't be surprised if I was, given our previous encounters, so if she did have a gun hidden somewhere, I may as well go along and do as she says.

We paddled toward the island where Lilypad's base was said to be located at, me giving directions along the way.

“Turn here!”

She started paddling.

“No wait, I think it's the other way!”

“ARGH! WHAT ARE YOU? A BACKSEAT DRIVER?”

“I'm paddling too. Here, if you want, we can switch seats and you can be in the back.”

“NO!”

It went on like that for several (minutes? Days? Weeks? Years?) seconds (yeah, let's go with that. Who gives a fuck, anyway? Time is an illusion or some shit like that) until at last, we reached the island. I could no longer see the docks, and the city itself looked like a blur (maybe that was a sign I needed new glasses?) from where I was sitting. So, if I had to guess, it was at least a few feet out from the docks.

The island itself was quite small, but big enough to host a building, which indeed stood in the middle of the pathetic excuse for an island. The building itself, just looked like a single-floor office building. Not even all that interesting. Just white all around. Guess they were going for that minimalistic look, but if you ask me, if you're going to be a villainous organization, you may as well make your lair look cool.

“Ah! We're here at last!” stretched my enemy, not companion, Celia V.

“Yeah, yeah, now hold up your end of the deal,” I climbed out of the dingy boat and didn't even bother giving the building a passing glance. Celia V. got out a sheet of paper and tore it, then wrote the address down and handed it to me.

“Stuff it in your pocket, don't lose it, don't let anyone else see it, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know how this works.”

“There, if nothing else, I'm a lady of my word.”

She pulled out a phone from her pocket and it just occurred to me what she might have been about to do.

“Hey! What are you doing?!”

She shushed me, then held the phone up to her ear. “I'm calling my boss, what does it look like?”

“I thought you hated her!”

“Sure, but I still have a job for now, and what boss isn't horrible?”

Hm...good point. Though I remember the Ganon fight in Ocarina of Time being pretty dope.

“Come on, come on...”

She growled, then hung up.

“That's weird, I'm not getting a response. Usually she picks up right away.”

While yes, I wished I could have brought her over to the side of good, when all is said and done, the only good person was me, anyway. Everyone else was a loser, so it only stood to reason that she would always side with one of the villains. I was about to tell her such until I noticed smoke coming out of the building.

“Never mind that! I see smoke!” I started running off. My heart was racing. Whatever was going on, it was NOT part of the plan.

“Huh. That's not a thing buildings usually do?” I could hear her say off in the distance. Yeah, wasn't even worth mentioning that she said that, just typical idiot stuff from her. If this was a book, or a script from a movie (let's be honest, I would make for an AMAZING movie character) I'd probably want to have had that line deleted, but that's not really my place, now is it?

Once I burst through the doors of the lame-ass building, I was shocked: wrecked computers and tables, darkened walls and something having caught fire off in the corner, and if that wasn't bad enough, dead frog people.

“What...what's going on?”

Okay, so you would think this was all part of the plan, right? I wanted Lilypad defeated. But this is too early. I wanted to have some of Lilypad's goons wreck the ETNA lair, too! That way the two could have canceled each other out.

I was trying to wrap my head around what had gone on, but I had to stop mid-thought as soon as I saw a tall lady in a lab coat standing in the middle of the room.

“Hey, lady! You got shit for brains or something?! This place ain't safe!”

At first, it was as if she didn't hear me, but just a few seconds later, she turned around, a wicked smile on her face.

“Ah, you must be Kelly Roger. I was hoping you would come.” There was something...off about the way she spoke. As if she was GLADoS or something.

“Uh, yeah? Duh. Guess my reputation has spread across the land.”

Now was not the time to celebrate, however. In fact, I was just left more confused what such a lady (or robot? Could have been a terminator) was doing here.

“H-How do you know my name?”

“I've been watching you. You and your friends.”

“Uh-huh...that's creepy as fuck.”

“Your friends meant little to me, as their impact was next to zero, but I just had to make sure they knew how futile their efforts were. So, I snuffed them out.”

Yeah. That was not good news. My heart started feeling heavier, the heartbeats restless. If I could have thought of a joke to fit the situation, I would have. But all I could do was stand there as she continued to speak.

“You...what?”

“Yes, the place you used to hide under the university? I was the one responsible for its wreckage. I sent mercenaries and watched as they scurried in a panic. Their screams when the bullets rained down on them them were most delightful.”

“Stop that!”

She lifted her glasses up, her expression changing into one of concern.

“You don't like hearing about your friends' deaths? How interesting. I would have thought that it would have provided you some closure.”

She paced about the room in a way that almost looked like she was floating, like a wraith.

“Which brings us to today. Before I heard of your plans, I didn't think I could reach the same levels of pleasure so soon. Once again, this group meant nothing to me, as they would have failed in their endeavors sooner or later, but you could say I couldn't help myself.”

Behind me were the clacking of footsteps, then I heard the doors bust open again.

“Boss? What are you doing here?”

Boss? So that means...fuck.

“Although limited in what I can do outside my domain, I can appear anywhere where there is a computer terminal able to support me.”

I turned to Celia V.

“What?! This robot thing is your boss?”

“First of all, she's an AI, and yeah. Nobody's perfect, OK?”

So, the big boss rears her ugly head. Actually, she didn't look all that bad, and considering she was an AI, that meant she was 2D which automatically placed her on a higher tier than Celia V. over there.

“Yes. My associate here told me all about your plans. After that, it wasn't all that hard to figure out where this place was located on my own,” robo-boss lady explained.

“What? How could you?” I turned to Celia V. once more.

“Dude, you already knew I wasn't on your side.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. That makes things a bit easier to swallow, I suppose.”

“So you did what you did best and did the whole 'send soldiers and explodey' thing here?!” I turned back to The Big Boss.

“Yes, although I can do many things well. I am a supersmart AI, after all.”

“Fuck you, Kizuna! There can only be one!”

“Well, actually, there are hundreds of virtual youtubers,” Celia V. corrected me.

“Look! I don't need your mansplaining, okay? I know when I'm right!”

“I'M A FUCKING GIRL, YOU DICK!”

Not-Kizuna-AI laughed and glared at me. “So once again, you failed. You let your friends die while you ran off, and now, you failed in doing what you believed to be 'setting things right'. Not to worry, however, as I am most kind and once you realize what I am doing is for the betterment of humanity, you may come to thank me.”

“Nah, fuck humanity! I just wanna feel like I matter!”

She laughed once more.

“You never have, and you never will. Your insignificance is laughable at best.”

I shook my head. I felt like I was about to burst into tears. Fuck. Did this stupid robot have that much of a hold over me? As if she could read my mind, she approached me and her fake-hand hovered over my head.

“Now, go home. Go to your family. You are not needed here.”

For just a moment, I felt a burst of white light, and I closed my eyes. When the flash was gone, I opened my eyes, and I was still standing. Alive.

So, I did what I did best: I noped the fuck outta there. That, my dudes, is when the tears really began to fall.

Damn.

Look, I knew my boss could be harsh, but was any of that really necessary?

I seriously need a new career.

“Did you have to do that or did you just wanna ham it up?”

Miss virtual CEO turned to me, and made a faux look of surprise.

“Was I not merciful?”

“What? Because you could've killed them, too?”

Honestly, her doing something like that was why all bosses needed the guillotine.

“Go after Kelly Roger. They may yet have something to hide.”

Ugh. Really. I couldn't just be done with this whole mess? Didn't I deserve a vacation or something?

“Then,” she continued. “When you find out, I want you to kill them.”

“WHAT?!” I balked. “No way! You already told Kelly Roger how insignificant that sap is, can't you just let things be?”

“You will do this.”

“Listen here: I gotta draw the line somewhere and I've drawn my line! I quit!”

“You may quit after you have done what I requested. Refuse and I will have you killed.”

“FINE!”

I stormed out, stamping my foot along the way.

I'll follow them, but I'm not gonna kill them. Kelly Roger's too pathetic to kill.

When I got outside, the boat (raft?) was already gone. Kelly Roger had already taken off and I had no idea how I would make it out of the island.

Okay, let's set one thing straight: I don't do what anyone tells me, not even anything I tell me. There was no way I was just going to 'go home', whatever that meant. No way was the battle over just because of some minor detail. Plus, this was a net positive, if anything. Like, Lilypad was gone. Which means no more harassment from that Marco guy. Now I just had to deal with ETNA Corp.

She said something about manifesting wherever a computer could support her, but if all the computers were destroyed, how did that even work? Ugh, my brain hurts, I just need to get back to the docks.

I arrived back at the docks and made a break for the warehouse. Conrad's letter did say something about some kinda experiment, and there was that thing covered up that I didn't bother checking out. What did I have to lose checking it out now? Even though I was willing to bet it was just something stupid like a ray gun or something.

So in order to skip the whole “I went through here, then I did this, then I did this” thing, let's skip right to the part where I was at that underground airport hanger, where nearby, the secret entrance lay.

I was about to move the crate (again) when I felt something hit my back. I thought it was nothing, maybe just my imagination, until I felt something wrap its way around my stomach and lift me into the air. I looked down and saw what was coiling me: tentacles. They turned me around, and I was met face-to-face with the frog don himself. The tentacles seemed to have shot out from his back, of all places.

“I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going,” I groaned.

“Oh, K. Rog, funny how you can still make jokes in a situation like this.”

“How are you alive?”

He wagged a finger. “Sad to say, I've yet to die. I escaped, but...my sister wasn't so lucky.”

“Oh. Jeez. I'm sorry,” I sympathized except when I remembered how much of a dick he was. “Wait a sec, no I'm not!”

“Yes, you see...she survived as well. But now we are separated. Do you know how hard it is being a Marco without a Polo?”

“You're not even wearing polo!” It was true, he was wearing some kind of Hawaiian T-shirt.

The tentacles constricted further. “Y'know, I always thought this would be hot, but the real thing isn't as sexy.”

“Let's see if you can still make jokes after I've killed you.”

I gulped. “It wasn't a joke, it really doesn't feel good.”

They squeezed even tighter and I was sure sooner or later, I would just break in half. That, or my bones would be crushed and I'd suffocate, but however you look at it, I'd be dead.

“This isn't personal, it's just...personal.”

Okay, I had to give him credit where due, that wasn't such a bad one-liner.

Before I could call curtains on myself, I heard the fire of gunshots and I tilted my head to see Celia V. up on some rafters, holding a machine gun in her hands.

“I do NOT want to know what was going on here,” she stuck her tongue out and made gagging sounds.

“This isn't as lewd as I would have liked!” I called to her. I was still gasping for air, but at least I could still speak.

“I do like friends! They are such fun people, and make for a great meal!” Marco grinned and clapped, then let me go, turning his focus to Celia V.

“Ugh! This is SO exhausting!” She yelled, then jumped down from the rafters. It was a surprise she didn't break her leg or something. “I should be at home binge watching Boruto!”

...Yeah. I knew she had terrible taste.

“Hello, friend! I would like to eat you, but you have no nutritional value, so I think I will wait until I have a salt shaker on hand!”

I couldn't tell if that meant Marco was going to run away, or if it was just Marco going off on another tangent. Either way, I looked around and decided to use the commotion to make my way down.

I pushed aside the crate and opened the hatch. I could hear Celia V's voice behind me:

“Hey! Get back here!”

Nope. Wasn't gonna happen.

I raced down the stairs and tripped halfway down, gracelessly falling to the bottom.

“Owie,” I whined. I shook my head and got up. “Hey bitch-ass door! Open the fuck up!”

“PASSWORD ACCEPTED.”

Seems I could say whatever I wanted and that door would open for me. Must have voice recognition or something. I wanted to go in, then go out and try a different phrase, but I knew time was of the essence, so I just got my badass self in the room and pulled the sheet off of whatever was being hidden.

“No way...”

My eyes widened, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

“Conrad, you've outdone yourself.”

In a glass case was what looked like a suit of armor, but I knew better. It was a mech suit! It had to be! No, not only that, it had a bug-like helmet which reminded me all too well of Kamen Rider.

Taped to the glass case was a note. It read:

“I have built a suit that I combined with genetically altered bliss DNA to power the suit. If my theory is correct, you should be able to fly around upon wearing it, and will be granted the ability to jump between universes. Please note that there may be some side-effects, like the loss of sanity, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.”

“Hell yeah!” I broke open the case and got fitted into the suit. As I did so, I heard a banging from outside the room. Celia V. was pounding at the door.

“Open up! She yelled.

If I had to guess, she was probably there to finish the job and kill me. That, or she was ready to confess her love to me.

I managed to get the suit on and I tried figuring out where the button to warp out of there was. While doing so, I heard her shoot open the door. She looked pretty beat up, but mostly fine.

“What the fuck...” she whispered.

“Goodbye, my love,” I gave her one final reply as I found the button.

“I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!”

Before she could do, or say, anymore, I pressed the button and I was out of there.

Somewhere, there had to be a universe where I wasn't such a loser and I managed to save the day and defeat both Lilypad and The Flashbulb and was praised as the hero people ought to see me as. I knew I would find that universe sooner or later.

#happiness overload #stories #scifi #action #comedy #dumb characters #gay frogs #kamen rider #writing #fiction #whatever other tags ought to go here

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samanthasroberts · 5 years

Text

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Confessions Of A Mid-20’s Drama Queen

Welcome back to another week where I sit through my own personal hell, aka , and try not to put myself into an alcohol-induced coma. And shoutout to all the keyboard warriors who love to type shit in the commentsyall take this show way too seriously.

We start with Mona and Emily discussing Charlotte, who apparently stood Mona up the night of the murder. What kind of loser gets stood up by another chick at a shitty diner?

Emily is like and Monas like, uh no? I feel like thats pretty much the only answer you can give at that point. Emily figures that Mona changed her mind in the trial so that Charlotte would be out of jail and Mona could get to her, which is like real far-fetched.

Mona is like and OKAY thats a line straight out of .

Chris Hanson: Did you know that this was a 13 year old girl? Mona: I, uh, just came to talk to her.

Monas like *what would you do if your son was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor.* and Ems like Monas like, well even if I wanted to kill her, she fucking stood me up so yeah. Of course, this whole conversation is overheard by A.

Aria is like,lets tell the police it wasnt me at the diner! Arias really seen some shit lately. She got burnt and questioned by the police. All Hannas had done to her is getting shitty room service food with a cryptic note. Spencer is like,

Lucas is back. Goddammit. Anyways, he overhears Hanna talking to weird ass Jordan on the phone, and is like Hannas like, Where are you gonna seat him Han? No one wants to sit next to the virginal weird kid from high school. You cant just mix the band geeks with the Plastics, thats not how this works.

Besides, there is this scenario:

Priest: Speak now or forever hold your pe- Lucas: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hanna is like, . Wear those ties Lucas, you look like a second place winner at a science fair. He tells Hanna that hes thinking of buying some factory and giving Rosewood a second chance. LOL rookie mistake.

Ali and Snaggletooth are being sexually aggressive in some shit bed and breakfast somewhere in bumfuck nowhere, East Coast. The Ali from Season 3 would have been honeymooning in fucking Paris rn. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Speaking of falling, Ali trips on her skanky heel and takes a tumble down the stairs, effectively knocking herself out. OKAY, did I not set that up just perfectly?

Alis in the hospital with a concussion, and Snaggle is like, you need to stay in the hospital. Shes like and its like, because thats how injuries work dumbass. The manager of the shit hotel is like and its like duh you know that shit is tampered with.

Ali: I was really happy before I fell, maybe this is my karma Snaggle: Thats not how the Universe works

ARE YOU SURE? Because pretty sure its an established fact that what goes up, must come down. Also, Ali its not karma, you just clearly dont know how to put one foot in front of the other and walk like a normal fucking human.

Snaggle is like, its an accident and he would know all about those, since his face looks like it was a victim of a tragic lawn mower accident. Ali decides to text her friends a selfie of her in the hospital, because concussion photoshoots, so hot right now.

All the Liars are like . They have 3 days to give up the murderer, because A is a psycho. All the girls are shit talking Mona and Hanna comes to her defense, because Hanna is like, such a good friend.

Aria and Ezra are getting ready to go to a dinner with their boss and Ezras talking about how he doesnt like the book ending or some shit. Arias like and that shit is about to go from an Ernest Hemingway to a really quick with Ezras freaky self.

Hanna goes to visit Ali in the hospital and Ali tells her she is going back to Rosewood when she can gtfo of this hospital. Ali has flowers all over the room, because apparently people like her, wtf?, and Ali says that they are all from Snaggle.

Of course, Hanna is looking at all the flowers and sees a very creepy card that has pictures of a staircase, and all of them on it. Either Snaggle is one fucked up dude, or A is just like, really a dick. Honestly, probs both. Obvi, Hanna steals the card.

Emily facetimes Spencer a video of Mona and Sara Harveys body guard dude chatting it up. Weve all seen , Im expecting some bodyguard three-way action ASAP. Also, how did Emily even remember that body guard? I watch this show every fucking week and make it a point to write down every flaw they have, and even I didnt remember this. Wow, I need to get it together.

Also, them talking looks like any relationship I have ever had: Mona talking shit and the dude sitting there looking awkward. Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard when he leaves.

Back to Snaggle and Hans. Hanna is like, And Snaggle is like, Im sure you said the same thing about that B and B, you human chipmunk. Hes like and its like cough, cough, lesbianssssss.

Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard and act like idiots on crack and pretend to hit the bodyguards car. Hes like uhhhh no its fine, and Spencer somehow manages to get information on the papers he is holding. I have seen better body guarding by the fucking preteens in Project X. Seriously who is this dude?

Spencer learns that the documents our shit security guard has are blueprints to Radley, because of fucking course. Do they just hand out blueprints willy nilly in this town? God I hate myself every time I watch this stupid fucking show.

Aria is reading Ezras newest chapter and it flashes back to a conversation with Ezra and Nicole. Ezra is begging Nicole to come with him, but shes like

Anyways, Ezra goes to his typical EZRA MAD, EZRA SMASH mode and basically yells at her and leaves fucking pissed off. And yeah, thats the last time he saw his girlfriend. One girlfriend you took advantage of when she was a teenager, the other you let get kidnapped by terrorists. Let that soak in.

Hes like , and Arias like,

Emily follows the bodyguard to a fucking ice cream truck? Wtf? And hes just casually sitting there, licking a Drumstick, when Sara Harvey drives up and gets something from him. Wait a second, she cant text and grip shit because of her hands, but she can drive? The streets of Rosewood are not safe. Maybe she was the girl who tried to run over Emily at the diner. She wasnt really trying to run her over, she was just making a very sloppy three point turn.

Hanna shows Caleb the staircase card. Caleb is like why did you come to me? And Hanna is like They decide to call As bluff, because that plan has worked every time before.

Spencer is on the phone with Emily, when she is greeted by her boyfriend and his ex. What a time to be alive. They act super weird, and then Hanna makes up some bullshit story about how she killed Charlotte. She starts crying to Spencer and Spencer is like YOOOOO THIS IS HEAVY SHIT.

Then Hannas like PSYCH and tells Caleb Well thats the stupidest shit Ive ever heard. Caleb is like and its like NO WTF HANNA DOESNT KNOW JACK SHIT. LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. NOTHING. SHE KNOWS NOTHING. Why doesnt anyone understand this?

Aria and Ezra are at dinner with the editor and shes like, l Arias like and Ezra is like NAH I GOT U FAM, Ill have it to you by next week. Ezras that dick in every college class who votes against the deadline extension. There is a special place in hell for you.

Hanna and Caleb are pleading their case to Emily and Emilys like And for once, I agree with her. Spencer backs up Caleb and Hanna and is like, *under her breath* . This sounds like every parental argument.

Emily/Dad: We cant support our daughter moving in with her boyfriend Spencer/Mom: We need to support her, because if we dont shell work against us. And I want grandbabies!

Hanna is like and grabs Calebs hand very lovingly. Spencers like and its all v awkward. Spencer does what I would 100% do in this situationmake snarky jealous comments and guzzle a shit ton of red wine. I am Spencer, we are all Spencer (without the bangs, obviously.)

Emily also suggests they visit Ye Old Lizard King Toby and let him know about this whole shindig. Again, this idea never works out.

The editor lady tells her that Liam isnt on the team anymore and Aria is like, uhhhh okay. So I guess that relationship is pretty much dead. Good talk.

Spencer flashes back to a night with Caleb in Europe, talking about art and his foster homes or some shit. Yawn. For once, Spencer actually looks good in a nice dress. You did okay PLL wardrobe, dont get too excited over your one time you didnt fail.

Its a pretty pointless flashback, except it shows major sexual tension between Spencer and Caleb in Europe, which is like right after they both broke up with their significant others. See, I told you it was pointless?

Caleb goes to drop Hanna off at Lucas place and he asks Caleb on a very awkward man date. Below are the actual quotes:

Lucas: Do you lunch? Caleb: Uh, yeah I lunch. Lucas: Lets lunch!

A whole portion of dialogue that could have been summed up to we should get lunch sometime. Fuck yourself, Freeform.

Lucas shows Hanna the factory he wants to build and is like Shes like If she even THINKS her shit is going to be better than Clothes Over Bros, shes straight trippin. Lucas is like Bitches love companies.

Okay my high school friends will barely buy me a beer, let alone give me a fucking factory.

Ali has a dream of some kind and sees her mom, dressed in a fugly green top and with some bushy ass hair. I know they have leave-in conditioner in heaven, you lazy bitch. She tells Ali that Snaggle will take care of her and that she loves her, yadda yadda. For a loving mother, she also looks like she lowkey wants to strangle the shit out of Ali.

Mona and Sara meet up, the two sketchiest bitches on the block. Sara looks like Miley Cyrus if she ate herself and took makeup inspiration from a raccoon. Seriously there is like 6 pounds of eyeliner on this bitch.

Mona is like and Sara is like Sara is like, . Oh stfu Sara. You look like a balloon shaped like Nick Carter and your only friend is a dude who eats ice cream on a street corner like a fucking poverty stricken 6-year-old.

Ezra and Aria are having tea like a bunch of pussies and Aria drops the A bomb on him. She goes from 0 to 100 real quick and is like I HAVE TO END THIS.

Back to Ali and Snaggle. Lucky us. Ali tells Snaggle to go to his conference in Chicago and that when he gets back theyll resume their daily programing of boning each other (what a fucking gross mental picture.)

Caleb and Hanna present their shit idea to the group, who all agreeits a shit idea. Caleb is like . Hes getting awfully close to Hanna and Spencer looks like she is about to cut a bitch.

Caleb: This isnt a cheer-ocracy Spencer: Youre being a real cheer-tator, Caleb!

The plan starts by Hanna sending a message to A saying leave my friends alone and then a Carly Rae Jepsen-esqe version of Call Me comes on, while the binary code of her text shows up on the screen. A gets the text of that dumbass admitting to murder. Its about to go down.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/12/17/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/

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