#still haven't Fully processed it but my heart is so full of love and good memories.

[yououghtaknow]

the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is never ending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is never ending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is never ending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is never ending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love the grief is never ending but so is the love the grief is neverending but so is the love

#experienced a Big loss today #still haven't Fully processed it but my heart is so full of love and good memories. #spent a solid half hour crying to great adventure from kimberly akimbo in the bathroom. feeling: Catharsis. #going to listen to my silly little podcasts and do my silly little writing and wait for fhjy <3

[regulusrules]

FIC RECS: Tore apart my sanity edition

Missed doing those, especially that the brilliance of this fandom is quite endless. You'd think you've read everything, then a fic comes and makes you stare two ceilings above. I think we all have PhDs in ceiling reading at this point.

1. through storm and hellfire by @prattery.

Look, I know I scream a lot about fics, but this time it's so rightfully, I swear. There is something about this one that just unravels you so fully, so reverently. It was a spiritual experience; reading this fic. Anything written by this author is a spiritual experience. If you're new to my blog, you will soon know that I fall apart for such beautiful prose so easily. And the way Arthur was written here.. holy lord in the sky. I haven't survived this fic as of yet (weeks later). It was not Merlin who got kidnapped here; it's our literal hearts.

2. you hold a knife at my throat (i tell you exactly where to cut) by @nextstopparis.

All I can say is that I found this one on the night of my final MA exam and risked failing because I stayed up till dawn reading it. And guess what? I'd do it a hundred times over. Because this fic killed me 🤩 With a knife knowing exactly where to cut 🤩

Whenever it's Protective!Arthur that is as much consumed by Merlin's safety as Merlin was with his, then know I am absolutely and utterly gone. And everything that comes with Arthur teaching Merlin how to wield weapons and its close proximity trope. Oh boy. I was literally killed, I'm telling you.

3. Of Course Falling in Love is Awful. Why Else Would They Call It a Crush? by watchriverdale.

Respectfully, how does this marvel of a fic have less than a thousand reads?? If I may, it's one of the best AU - Canon Divergence that I've read in so long! Merlin being an actual physician, Arthur making silly excuses to go visit Merlin and it ending up for him falling head over heels, BAMF elements of both, just everything! Absolutely AMAZING. And the full circle at the end; what an icon.

4. The Walls of Camelot by spqr. (@andthepeople)

I'm literally not joking when I say my brain function grew and developed more after reading this fic. It was so fully-fledged in a way you don't find in literal published books. The amount of creativity and research combined in this fic.. WOW! You just literally live the war with them, all emotions entangled, all thoughts experienced. I think I had the hardest time processing that the fic ended more than anything else because of how invested I was in the story. I didn't want it to end. It was a wonderful, wonderful ride.

5. I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121. (@lancelotofthelake)

You know when fic writers begin to narrate Arthur through Merlin's eyes and describe him as golden? That is what I would say as the overall feel of this fic. I felt it radiating gold and beauty. It was unmatched, truly. From the AU idea to its execution.. I was hooked all 18K. I'd give it 18K kudos of my own alone. And the way it was written !!! Please. Any Arthur who just loves Merlin a tad too much is unparalleled. And when the same energy is returned by Merlin >>>

Oh and lastly: “Ask me who you were there to me, Merlin.” I'll leave you at that.

+ 1: My heart is readily yours by yours truly.

Have I mentioned how much this one tore my own sanity apart while writing it? (yes. yes I already have like a thousand times, tell me to shut up about it already). But it's for good reason. I am a changed human being after this fic. For better or for worse, I'm still not sure about that.

#LJ recs #merlin #fic recs #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin fic #arthur pendragon #ao3 #merthur fic recommendations #if you know the authors' @ on tumblr let me know so that I tag them! #regulusrules recs

[monstersandmaw]

Hey, first off - I LOVE Gabe and Odessa's story. Gabe's POV is the preview is just SO GOOD! Would you object to me writing some fanfiction from Gabe's POV for some parts of season one? I wanted to run it by you first since this is your series, and I didn't want to step on any toes.

Eh, I'm in two minds about this, and I'm fully aware I come off as a hypocrite either way, so please be gentle with me. Also I'm quite tired when I'm answering this so I may not be as articulate as I'd like.

First of all, thank you, and thank you for asking. I'm deeply honoured that you like Gabe and Odessa's story enough to be inspired to create, so please don't forget that with the rest of this, and take it all with a pinch of salt at the end of the day.

Basically, I want to publish this story formally to sell it as a complete novel (once it's had another full edit and tidy up). I therefore don't want to muddy the waters by having more 'Gabe & Odessa' content out there, even if it's fanfic, which is the main reason I'm not 100% behind there being fanfic of them.

However, there is an interlude from Gabe's POV that I published, and some of Season Two is from Gabe's POV, so I'm also protective of his POV in a way I really should probably just let go of... This is mostly because you haven't really got to know Gabe yet (since S1 was all Odessa's POV), and there are a lot of details about him and his character and backstory that I've deliberately saved for 'Season Two' (and beyond!!💍)...

Thirdly, it was posted by me on here for free, with love, and I'm weird about there being fanfic (i.e. content in the same format) based on something I shared with you just because I loved it. Fan art is different (for me) because it's a different medium, but I don't know if I have any right to be protective over any kind of fan content really... I have a weird and hypocritical line in the sand that if it's an OC that I posted for free as a passion project, it's not super cool to write fanfic for them, but if it's something that's been fully and finally released in its entirety (especially if there's a commercial aspect to it) then it's ok to write fanfic for it??? I have no idea. Basically, you're welcome to write fanfic for it after I've published it on Kindle and finished the project, but not on Tumblr when it's still ongoing?? How weird is that?? Ughh. I hate my brain and my heart. That's the bit I meant seemed hypocritical. I fully support the production of fan content online, but not when it was just 'my random blorbo whom i love and shared for free with you'??

Ultimately though, if you want to write it, I can't and won't stop you.

I'd really prefer it if you didn't post or share it publicly, and honestly it really is mainly because I don't want there to be more G&O content out there that could lead a future publisher to say 'hey, we looked into it and there's G&O content out there, and it's gonna complicate the process of publication..' but also for the other reasons listed above.

Thank you for asking, and since you asked, those are my thoughts on it.

#fanfic on my ocs makes me really weird but i fully support fanfic for published media #fanfiction #on fanfiction #gabe & odessa #werewolf #please don't eat me for having mixed and complicated feelings on this

[halfagone]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼(No pressure if you don't want to though!)Hope you have a good day! ✨

Oh wow, another one! I guess I'll just have to do five more of these, thankfully I have enough for that. 😅

First off, I guess we have:

I have not touched this fic in a hot minute, but this is technically my first DPxDC fic? I just passed its one year anniversary as well, but I haven't updated it in months now. There is a lot more I want to do for this story, but it's just so long that I really have to have to time and schedule to work it all out. Maybe when LL's Ascent is over I can pull through with it. And maybe Off With [the Demon's] Head. And maybe bloodlines and maybe- well, you get the idea. XD

This one took a little while longer to gain traction from what I've seen, but I am really proud about how I whipped this out so quickly for the event. I had been between ideas at the time, and I just needed something to get me into gear since the DP/DC Crossover Week was the first time I'd ever done a prompt week. But this was my first work of that event, so it holds a special place in my heart.

I know it's not the most popular fic from me but I am really excited for what this fic will bring and what I plan on doing with it. Horror as a genre is very fun and interesting to play with, but there are so many visual horror elements that don't always come across the same way on printed word as it might as onscreen. So it's an intricate process to try and incorporate those elements in a way that readers can still feel the fear and tension even when they can't see it as clearly as through a movie.

I wrote this fic in like... 10 hours I think? So much work, holy cow. But I do really love the Danny x Cass relationship so it was a great opportunity to share more of it with the world. I wanted to include Cass' canonical struggle with illiteracy and being essentially mute from a young age, and I am glad I could make it work in a relationship when communication is so important.

So this is the first sapphic relationship I have ever written. Like, fully blown sapphic relationship. weekend wonders technically includes a sapphic relationship as well, but I haven't written enough of that fic to really explore it. It's such a shame that f/f fics don't do well though, because they are a lot of fun to explore. And I did get to include my girl Cass in this one, so it was a good experience for my first full-blown fic.

#halfagone replies #halfagone's fics

[lutawolf]

Soft D/s Element of Not Me Episode 13

If you don't know what soft D/s element or tendencies are, then you haven't read my other posts. You can find them on my master list here. If you're interested in more D/s content then check out my general master list here, there is also a short bio there telling you, my qualifications.

There are several types of subs and Doms for that matter. Which I give somewhat of a description here. The important thing to understand is that while a person might be a natural submissive and use to listening and responding to commands. They do draw a line at who they will take commands from.

We start this episode with White being more himself. He there supporting Sean but doesn't step in. He lets him have full lead.

Sean and White are now in an established relationship. There is care, protection, and support.

The go back to the abandon building to stake out and White finds his button. "It's my button. I thought you'd kept it." "Because I needed to get over you, I left it here." Sean wants it back now but White says no. "I'll give it back later." Sean then tells White to rest; he'll take first watch. He taps his shoulder indicating to White to use him to rest on.

While resting White makes the button bracelet. Jewelry has long been a sign of commitment. Add in the significance of the button. It was originally taken as a reminder of the moment because it was that special and because the button was the one right next to his heart. Then Sean left it because he needed to get over White but then it was found again, just like their relationship. Then White put it on a bracelet so that it can never be left behind again, just like them. Solid and together.

The drugs are being moved out of the warehouse. Everyone jumps into action, playing their part. Then Yok and Sean start arguing over where to drop the drugs, but Sean doesn't want to listen. White has shown full support of Sean as the leader but now he sees something he disagrees with. Look at how he talks to Sean though, he isn't commanding or demanding but explaining. Guiding Sean to see his side of things.

White can see Sean is struggling. This is bound to bring up some feelings considering its correlation to how his father died. So White offers all the comfort he can give. This is also comfort for White because in all the other missions, he has needed Sean's support. When the friends start teasing, you can easily tell that White could care less. Still Sean commands him to just keep hugging him. He is fully aware that White needs the support just as much as he does.

Then they come to the traffic stop. White sends a message to Gumpa. They make a plan B, White quickly tells the others. They have to make a run for it but in the process, Yok is shot. Sean knows he has to buy them more time. He tells White to get Gram and Yok out of here and he'll catch up with them. "Sean, I'll see you soon."

What I love about this whole situation, is that you see the balance of a D/s relationship and how well these two types of individuals work together. I know that I used the word balance, and it comes off as an oxymoron but hear me out. D/s is about one having more power and control than the other so it would appear there is not balance but for these particular types of individuals it is. When you have a Dom that knows how to listen, you have a better leader. You have a better mission when you don't have everyone fighting to lead.

Sean gives a good enough distraction that everyone can escape to the car. He then meets up with them, but the bleeding is too bad, and they have to go to the hospital.

While at the hospital White starts uploading all the information, they have to their ROL account. Sean gets onto White asking him what he is doing and if he is addicted to social media. White quickly assures him no and explains what he is doing. To which Sean has to eat some humble pie. "Thank you for helping me."

Then shit hits the fan. They try to escape but Dan shows up. Dan who has been put in a predicament of keeping his love and friends safe, as well as his parents. Honestly the part that kills me is when Sean cries. Not because Dan pulled a gun on him but because Dan hurt his friend. Thankfully Black comes to the rescue along with Dan slightly redeeming himself. He'll fully redeem himself in the next episode because all signs point to him following them and seeing them captured, taking a picture of the car tag and posting it. Because who else could have?

That's all for this episode. Hope you guys enjoyed it. 💜💜💜

#not me #not me the series #not me series #not me kink #luta opinions #coconuts mafia #luta talks not me series

[lunarheslwt]

First (incoherent) thoughts on each song from FITF after first listen: track by track

Alright so I wanted to put together a post with my first thoughts on each of the songs as I'm listening. I probably won't focus on lyrics because I don't even process lyrics during a first listen and also Louis' accent means I lose half of it anyways. So it's going off on vibes and melody mostly. This is mostly for my benefit so I can always remember how I felt about each song the first time.

The greatest: I'd listened to this ONCE when the leak came out and was stunned because I couldn't believe it was Louis. A perfect tour opener and album opener. It gets your heart racing from the start which is GREAT. is going bang so hard live and the first verse is so fitting to start a show off with. A headbanger. His confidence in this??? It feels like the musical version of him on stage in all his confident glory. 10/10. These ratings won't be accurate bc I'm gonna likely think each song is better than the other.

Written all over your face: y'all. I've seen god. I blacked out a little. Who let him moan hey babe into my ear like that. If I was Harry and he said it like that I'd instantly forgive. Amongst other things. It SCREAMS "I'm married to an aquarius" and that makes me laugh. It's so fucking sexy, that guitar melody is like crack, the flow of the second verse is the holy grail. I knew it would be a fav and God it's a FAV. fucks absolutely hard. What the fuck. 10000000/10.

Bigger than me: we know her we love her. I still think it's such a big vocal moment for him. His vocals are absolutely insane. 8.5/10 (only bc I've grown used to her!)

Lucky again: again had listened to the leak but this version is so different!!! The drums seem different and are closer and louder and Louis' voice too feels up close than before. It hits a little harder and I love that!!! Criminal that he cut out the outro of "I'm in love I'm in love". It's so VIBEY and I stand by it being fireproof 2.0. I love the lyrics and I think it's so clever and also they make me sob bc I'm thinking of THEM. 9.75/10 (again only bc I'm used to it I think!)

Face the music: I didn't know what to expect but I LOVE IT. That guitar is so "I must bang my head hard to this". It's going to be HUGE live especially when the WOAHHHH ohhh chant hits. It's so ENERGETIC and FUN and I love the theme of it so much, of wanting to be in the moment, not wanting to focus on the negative bits of life. The "I don't wanna face the music/but I still wanna dance with you" is so clever bc it's playing with thematic imagery but also saying "I would rather live in the moment with you then focus on all the negativity". It's CUTE. I love it. 10/10

Chicago: a grower. Initially I was not TOO hyped but the song then grew and grew and got so full that I was fully vibing by the end. The strings at the end chefs kiss. It's giving rom com sound track, a little cheesy and I love it. It's more walls era sounding but still fits in this album. I love the last like 50 seconds of it so much. 9/10

All the time: literally nothing I could've ever expected??? My brain had to recalibrate. I didn't understand a word of it like he's so airy and whispery (which is GREAT I love it I need a moment) but the higher tone in the chorus is so!!?? The little alien beats towards the end!! Is so funky and fun!! I can't tell if this is a sad one bc I didn't catch the lyrics. It's very vibey and I can see it growing on me insanely. 9/10

Out of my system: SLAPS SLAPS SLAPS. I'm glad I haven't over listened to this one yet. Still one of my favs from the album so far I think. I love punk rock Louis SO MUCH I fucking love the guitar and drums in this. It's a moment. 100000/10

Headline: chill and vibey and could fit on mitam!! I love her! His ACCENT is so thick on this one I'm obsessed. It's giving breakup song like never before so. Kinda feel like it's about you know who. Overlooking that it's catchy and the way he ends it with "sometimes I wake up and wish that you're beside me" (smth like that) in good raspy low voice?? Absolutely ended me. 8.5/10.

Saturdays: oh this one HURT. The lyrics HURT but I'm a sucker for melancholy. His clear soft voice in this?;!? Cuts me open but I love it?? But when that music dropped before building up it gave infinity and fix you and I'm obsessed with that I love when songs do that. Took it to a whole other level and it became a fav. And then him ending it softly?!?? EVIL GENIUS. It's so good. And painful. And good. The lyrics have left ME broken. 20/10.

Silver tongues: I could go on and on but I'm obsessed with it. I claimed her and I was right for it. I love how euphoric it is. I love the lyrics. It's such a banger and is already well settled into my faves. His brain is so massive for this song. 637357/10.

She is beauty we are world class: literally not what I could ever expect but I'm so here for it?? So DANCEY, so tight, giving club rave shake your ass sexy little number. It's just. It's so good. The "surrounded by lights" over and over!!! The percussion scratches my brain just right!! Very different but very very catchy I love it. 18/10

Common people: a more chill moment but absolutely beautiful?? I love the sentiments, singing about his past and roots and home. I love how soft his voice is in this. It's so heartwarming and sweet. I love how it gradually builds too. 10/10

Angels fly: SO GORGEOUS. From what I get of the lyrics, very sweet !! Chill but I love how it builds and I love the harmonies!! The lyrics made me all mushy. The high notes in the bridge?? My God he's an angel???; 9.5/10

Holding on to heartache: quite modern sounds I knew would be there but still was taken by surprise!! But he makes it work so well. I think it'll be a grower. His lyricism is INSANE. The bridge though where he's belting?? 10/10 transcendental experience. Overall 8.5/10 for now I'm overwhelmed with all the new stuff I need time to grow into them all

That's the way love goes: SAD. lyrics sad :( his voice is so soft and soothing and healing. The lyrics are also healing in a way. Acoustic and very calming to listen to. The nod to miss you?? And I guess it really was about helping a friend through heartache huh. The strings?!? And he ends it like that??? Lord. 10/10.

Paradise: I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR IT TO BE THAT GOOD?? SLAPPED?? DESERVES TO BE IN THE DELUXE?!?? the drums!! It's so cheery and hype!! THE LYRICS MADE ME EMO theymadeittheyaremakingit "paradise is getting closer" "I've never wanted something as much as I want you" IM!?? it's such a classic indie rock sounding song I need it live bc it'll fuck hard live GOD 1647457/10

Overall: I can't believe how good all of it is Louis is unreal I was right this is my favorite album

#louis tomlinson #faith in the future #faith in the future review #first listen #track by track #FITF #lt2

[wickedhawtwexler]

What did you think of the LOST finale?

still processing but overall i think i liked it!

i'm a little disappointed that the flash-sideways was purgatory/the afterlife/whatever. i really liked the idea of it being a whole alternate universe, where they're aware of the bonds they have with one another without having to go through the actual trauma of the plane crash. i wanted to see them go on to live these mostly-normal lives and live happily ever after together, and i think it totally would've worked with the whole time travel element. but i didn't dislike that it was purgatory. i think it was an interesting idea it just wasn't what i had theorized lol. i'm glad that the island itself wasn't purgatory — i keep hearing about that theory and i would've hated that.

but i liked how everything on the island was wrapped up. hurley and ben staying behind to protect the island makes sense to me — hurley is the most "good" so him wanting to protect against evil felt fitting, and with ben having given up everything for the island i don't see him ever leaving.

i was nervous that they were going to kill off claire or leave her behind on the island, and i'm glad they didn't. also, it hurts my heart how she never felt good enough for her son, but i love how she and kate are going to raise aaron together <3

i find it really interesting how the show brings up the idea of fate/destiny over & over again but it wasn't fate that brought them to the island, it was a conscious choice by jacob who selected them to come. i guess in a way that's sort of destiny, it's a purpose they have that they don't know about and they didn't choose. i was thinking more of fate as in an amorphous force, so it definitely wasn't what i was expecting 🤔

there were a few things that i would have liked to get more answers about. i feel like i didn't totally get the full story about the cursed numbers, or how desmond not pushing the button crashed the plane (although they could have fully explained this and i just missed it, i haven't finished going through the lost wiki and i'm only like halfway through billiam's videos about lost).

also i literally cried at multiple points, including when they all were at the concert together in the flash-sideways and also when vincent laid by jack as he died at the very end. 😭

but yeah, overall i liked it! the characters i liked had reasonable endings to their arcs and most of the mysteries i cared about were explained. there are things i would've done differently, but i think that's easy for me to say as an unpublished wannabe novelist and not a writer for a huge network television show lmao.

#as a fan of the x-files (who watched the final episode of the revival live) i think i have a low bar for finales #if it doesn't enrage me or make me laugh at the ridiculousness i'm like ''yeah that's a pretty cool ending''

[jess-oh]

what do i title this

Hello, journal!

I dont think I've actually ever reread an entry until today. A part of me was always so afraid of the shame I'd feel of who I used to be. I haven't written here in a while since I realize I kept trying to think my way out of everything which caused a severe disconnect between my heart and my mind but my therapist, Sophia Ou, encouraged me to journal again to process my thoughts but to instead focus on how I feel instead so I'm here to give it a go!

Current update on where I'm at in life. I still live in Chicago on Buena Ave in Buena Park. I started going to Planet Fitness a couple months ago and am still trying to figure out a good schedule between traditional workouts and climbing. I have a new schedule for this week and I feel pretty good about it. It consists of waking up at 6:30am Monday through Thursday where I workout before work Monday through Wednesday, climb after work Wednesday, climb before on Thursday, and after service on Sunday. I'm slowly becoming entirely too busy again. I do really enjoy serving youth group but Cara has been pushing for us, me and Khalid, to be more involved and dedicate more time to the ministry/greater church recently. I already am so busy and have been enjoying having no social plans scheduled during the week. I do my best to give her space to speak and share her ideas but sometimes it's hard to interject and communicate my thoughts and concerns. There's also some semblance of guilt that quietly goes along with it. Who am I to disagree with her stance as it relates to matters of the church when I, myself, am not all right, with God? I just really need to carve out time in my schedule to dedicate to him again. I remember around this time, last year, I was super dedicated to doing daily QTs as I was losing my mind over the potential opportunity of moving to a new city for a Google Fellowship. I have built so much of my life in Chicago and giving that all up for 6 months shook me to my very core. I don't think I was mentally prepared to take that risk then but so much has changed now. I'm not that close with Sophie and Thor anymore, I've been at a new church post Lakeview for a while now, and have generally grown as a person. I hangout with Earl and Gongjoo a lot more now, which has been great, especially getting to play with Ellia! Her first birthday was only a couple months ago! I love her so much!

If the opportunity for a new job arose today, I would still feel hesitant to take it but I feel a lot more prepared now. Thank you for knowing what I needed at that time, God.

Currently, I'm a graphic designer at Freeosk. I've technically been here for 3 years since my hire date but my full time Freeoskiversary is on June 1st. I recently started looking into UX Design and while there is still much research to do before fully making the career jump, I actually feel pretty good about pursuing this path. Even the thought of being able to research and gather data made me feel excited for some internal work on a Freeosk project recently. I need to work on my fear of public speaking and be more comfortable with presenting but I think this feels like a good idea.

God, I pray for guidance as I attempt to navigate my next steps from here. I'm not sure what you have planned for my life and I know I so often rely only on my shoulders but I definitely want to make sure I'm right by you first before actually making any life changing decisions moving forward. I don't yet know what the future holds but I am excited to found out. For once, I am excited for life and what it can bring. I am no longer so afraid of the pain but I am bright-eyed for a brighter future. Please let this future come.

I had a series of unfortunate events happen recently(e.g. scraped car door pretty bad and had to pay 2k for repairs, 2 credit cards and $100 cash stolen from wallet, my dad got laid off and still hasnt found a job in 2 months, my relationship with my sister got tense because of my disproval of her boyfriend, i realized i outgrew my friendship with sophie, and i havent been right with God lately). I've been doing my best to just keep my head held up high and push through but it has admittedly been hard and discouraging. Not yet depressing discouraging but definitely a challenge, nonetheless.

Thank you for all that you have done and will do for my life, God.

I pray this all in your name,

Amen.

#long time no see

[nameless-shrimp]

TWO GHOSTS || OSAMU DAZAI

↳ PAIRING: Osamu Dazai x GN! Reader

↳ TYPE: one-shot

↳ WORD COUNT: 1.6k

↳ WARNINGS: mention of reader's depression, Dazai's unhappy thoughts, mild angst and hurt/comfort, heavy grammar errors

↳ SYNOPSIS: Dazai prepares a treat for you, but once he realizes you're not in the happiest mood, he tries to help. However, he feels the same.

↳ AUTHOR'S NOTES: i haven't been feeling well so i needed to release my emotions through writing, and i wanted some dazai comfort. so this came out in the process. i challenged myself to use apple pie and ghosts in one fic for an autumn-themed fic, and i hope you guys like it. :)

↳ AUTUMN PROMPT LIST

He dances along to the music softly blaring from the old radio. A gentle strum of guitar echoing across the kitchen. The scent of freshly baked apple pie rests on the marble counter; he smiles in pure delight. Pride. Dazai feels proud knowing that his finished dessert has been completed to an elegant mouth-salivating piece—and he chooses not to let Kunikida take full credit for stopping by his semi-clean apartment to take care of the prepping.

Rather so, Dazai will thank him later by saving a slice.

The door clicks open. His eyebrows raise in a giddy manner. He unties his messy apron, fully ready to swing his arms wide open. Soon, the grin falters to a frown, seeing your face look down at the floor below you. Droplets of rain drip from the bits of your clothes. With the way your body nearly stumbles from one step in; the bag settles down to the floor in a flash, and you walk past him. Nose dipping high to the air; adrenaline at its peek from the apple pie.

Dazai remains still for a moment, watching the ghost deep within your soul, hoping to try to find a moment of existence within the act of living. A mind reader, he’d call himself, and he smiles, understanding the tension that arises from your slumped figure. You almost limp your way to the kitchen—exhaustion overtaking your shoulders before you push yourself onto one of the high chairs.

He walks in the kitchen with a trail of his fingers on the counter. Tap after another. The rain still dies down to its steady beats of pitter-patter from the outside. Dazai keeps a smile on his face; inhaling the scent of pie that arouses the air, and he throws his arms around you in an instant. His sleeves pick up rain droplets, but he pays no mind to this.

“One of those days, my love?” He asks; you remain quiet. Dazai doesn’t push it further. He holds his head back—kitchen light washes the room to a mellow white. Instead, he departs for a brief moment. A click of the plates remains audible to you, though your head remains low. And he returns back, with a fork and a—somewhat—properly cut slice of apple pie on the plate. “Kunikida and I made this for you.”

“More like Kunikida made it,” you force a chuckle. He stiffens, aware of your unusual change of displeasuring nature, yet his heartbeat remains to match with yours. “Right?”

“Yeah.” Dazai responds. “He did.”

He cuts a small bit and offers to feed you. Of course, you give in; sweetness hitting your peak, lost in the sugary adrenaline high. And Dazai leans in to kiss you, lips tied together into a gentle connection. Lips taste so sweet; looks remain real to his eyes, almost lost in the hazel-lit structure of his irises while indulging the bittersweet of dessert and empty emotions.

He takes your hand with his before you can try to take another bite. Dazai wails a finger around, shaking his head. “Dance with me, my sweet,” he laughs; you frown. And you insist on fighting back, though you decide to soothe his words with your everlasting glow.

The two of you start to sway along to the simple guitar music that continues to echo in the background. Ambience noise of nothing but faint strums; the moon dances on Dazai’s good side, head resting close to your head. He keeps his heart steady, closely matching yours, with the genuine taste of sugar that dwells upon his lips. The ghost remains in your heart—an empty, hollow figure, where he recalled that you both shared the same stories; tongue-tied feelings that were left to be hidden from amongst the crowd though you bestowed these emotions to each other—galaxies hidden across the irises of one another.

Two shallow spirits standing amongst one another in hopes of finding what it would be like to have a heartbeat once more. Dazai allows himself to be mindful of his heart—now racing its pace once your smile rises. He closes his eyes, lips pressing against your forehead; warmth radiating from the skin. Body close to the shallow atmosphere of your heart, ghost trapped underneath the ribcage, with both of you dancing underneath the kitchen light. Maroon souls swirling in half-empty glasses; apple pie as a side.

Despising the world as Dazai did, he recalled every moment you shared with him together. The amount of degradation he put upon himself was unfathomable, no surprise—a list led to infinity. Though if a world were to call a man to be hopelessly in love with a similar paranormal empty spirit such as his, it would’ve been him, for the relationship that he cherished with you. Hand connected with yours—in spirit, and through the hardships of what life had offered through the plentiful seasons of the year, even around the time of the colored leaves on the trees.

“Osamu?”

He opens his eyes, continuing to sway his body as you follow along. His palms are met with your cheeks; tear-stained eyes noticeable to him. Dazai places more kisses along your forehead in hopes of easing the mental burden—to wash away the hurricane, as he always hopes. And he tilts his head, eyes lost in a hazel of orange. “Yes, my love?” He responds.

You sigh deeply, closing your eyes. The dam breaks, and the tears sprinkle. “Do you love me?”

He blinks mindlessly before shaking his head. “Of course I love you. With all of my heart. You’re important to me, forever,” he chuckles before kissing your forehead once more. “Why would you ask something like that?”

“I’m sorry,” you sigh, wiping away a few tears. “You seem so quiet today. That’s all. I got worried.”

Dazai remains silent—ironically. For a moment, he glances at the apple pie resting on the marble counter along with your barely-touched piece on the table. He licks his lips; sweetness on the tip of his tongue, yet his throat still stung. And he continues to grow his usual smile, allowing you to be engulfed by his arms. Trapped. Yet it was home. A comfortable gesture he always did in hopes of having the moon twirl around your figure; this time, slowly and closely inching towards the kitchen window.

“Don’t worry, my sweet,” he says, tone so honey-like. “I will always love you…”

He puts his head down, sighing deeply. A ghost deep within him, cravely so desperately for a type of joy when your presence was not around, regardless of the immense suffering that he’d go on the daily. Yet he was reminded that his presence was not alone, and Dazai allowed his own walls to crumble down for that moment—he squeezes your body close to yours, matching your beats along with his; chest to chest. Rather than fortifying his walls, instead, he gives his emotions to you—an open desire. Yours. His. Together—tied as forbidden spirits.

“I’m just trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.”

tags: @whorefordazai @tender-rosiey @internetkilledtheroxstar @sadcannibal @bsdparadise @pompompurin1028 @amemuraa @tetsustation @milky-toast @missrown @requiem626k @jessbeinme15 @kyuus4ku @so-chile @kiyokoxd @dazaiaiko @meatbun-aku @chuuyasboots

#bsd dazai x reader #bsd dazai x you #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #bungo stray dogs x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai imagines #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #dazai #Spotify

[learning-needle-lace]

Intro

I started to learn how to make needle lace on 2-22-22 and figured I would document the processes here! I have written a bit about the kind of lace i make and listed the resources I have used so far and a bit about them below. If you are a more experienced needle lace maker please drop any recommendations you have!

Table of Contents:

1. What kind of lace do I make?

2. Tutorials

3. Patterns

4. Thread

5. Blog Tag Guide

1. What kind of lace do I make?

I make what is best described as modernized Western European needle lace or couched cordonnet. It is 'true lace', meaning it's not made by working into a preexisting fabric or thread foundation/ground material*.

It is made with a base of a cordonnet- thread/s used to make an outline. The cordonnet is couched to a temporary backing. Couching is a stitch that works from the back of the backing, goes over the corrdenet (not through it!) that allows the lace to be stabilized during the making process but is fully removable from the backing once finished. Once couched, A needle is used to make knots, mostly butthole stitches, that fill in the gaps of the cordonnet and go over the cordonnet to seal everything in.

I am partial to the geometric designs of Reticella- a cutwork lace- but don't use true Reticella techniques for my full pieces. Most of the techniques I use are adapted and modernized from Reticella, Punto in Aria, Kenmare lace, and general modern buttonhole needle lace techniques.

While I started learning lace-making a little while back, I am still a beginner. Lace is time intensive so I have made 4 pieces total. I still have a lot to learn but am loving it!

*not that laces that are made with fabric or thread foundations are not real lace, just not classified as 'true lace'. While I don't love the term, I haven't heard another one that communicates the same idea. The term needlepoint lace is also sometimes used to refer to 'true lace' but only ones made with a needle. It is also easily confused with the much more popular canvas work- Needlepoint embroidery, so I choose not to use this term for clarity's sake.

2. Tutorials:

I started with Michael Dennis's Needle Lace Made Easy Tutorials. I have a hard time following written instructions so these videos were perfect for me.

Lynxlace has a ton of information on a wide variety of types of lace. The website is from 2011 and is only avable through way back machine now, so it doesn't have the most accessible design and some of the diagrams are a bit hard to follow, but the amount of info here makes up for it.

ENCYCLOPEDIA OF NEEDLEWORK By Thérèse de Dillmont was published in 1884 but has a lot of info and good diagrams.

LACEIOLI is a lace-making forum. While it is now only accessible through way back machine, there is still a lot of helpful info to get yourself oriented. It seems that they were in the process of moving forum hosting platforms so try laceioli.org too.

RSN Stitch Bank is an AMAZING guide on various stitches for several types of Needlework. Highly recommend.

3. Patterns:

Needle-made laces by Thérèse de Dillmont has been my go to collection of patterns so far.

The Antique Pattern Library has a good collection of patterns, photos, and books on need lace (and other arts and crafts). Everything here is public domain.

Internet Archive also has patterns, books, and photos of needle lace. The site is easy to navigate and allows you to filter your results.

Les Singuliers et Nouveaux Portraicts by Federico de Vinciolo has beautiful designs for needle lace and filet lace. Pretty complex but worth a look even if it's just to admire the designs.

4. Thread:

Coats Crochet Red Heart Fashion Crochet, Thread Size 3, White. It's cheap and quite a large thread size for lace making. However, I found it a good starting thread to try out the craft.

DMC 167G 20-Blanc Cebelia Crochet Cotton, White, Size 20, White. It's a very nice thread, tightly woven, and smooth. I have had very few problems with fraying so far. I wouldn't go much smaller than this until you are well-practiced with the craft.

Handy Hands has a good thread size guide which I found helpful.

5. Blog Tag Guide:

#learning guides: I try to include references for stitches and techniques on detail posts. If you're looking to replicate a stitch I've done look here.

Pattern: I tag all of my posts with what pattern I am using. It is the name of the book/site and the pattern number/name. For links to the books/sites check the pattern list above. Below are all of my pattern tags.

#Needle-made laces p28 #Needle-made laces p51

Project Tags: If I make something without using a published pattern I tag it with the name I have dubbed the project.

#palmette-lotus chain

#not lace: sometimes I post things that aren't lace but are not too far removed from fiber arts. If you want to browse them or filter them out, use this tag

Museum Tags: If I post a photo of a piece that is in a museum, I include the museum name in the tags. I also include a link to the museum's online collection/database entry for the piece if I can.

#Museu del Disseny de Barcelona

#needle lace #lace making #crafts #fiber art #textile art #chrochet #doily #handmade #tatting #art #fashion history #learning guides

[enamouredfae]

♡ Pick a Card ♡

What you need to know in order to be ready for the love you so longingly seek!

This reading is looking at anything you might need to heal or grow into in order to enter future relationships as your higher self. I am not looking at your future, but simply trying to guide you towards your highest good in the field of love. Many of us have internalized certain perceptions of love that we must unlearn, or have lived through difficult moments which have closed us off or made experiencing love more difficult. If you are in a toxic relationship/situation, please do not take any messages that might seem to tell you to stay in it. With this reading, I will hopefully open you up to some introspection and hopefully growth. You may very well be attracted to multiple piles and that is ok! Read all that attract you and take what resonates. Each pile has three pieces of advice, so mixing and matching is invited!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1

Charm: Knot

1. Yang

Yang tells me that you need to learn to become more proactive in love. You cannot wait around. You must act! You need to manifest your desires into the material world by doing. It's perfectly fine to do the first move, no matter what society deems "acceptable", it is even invited with this card.

23. Peace

Radical acceptance is necessary for inner peace and in this case for a higher love. You must first love yourself fully, light and shadow self, before loving someone else in the way that you both deserve! And you deserve radical acceptance, we are all flawed and intricate people! As long as we are willing to change and grow and put in the work, past mistakes can be atoned for.

38. To be fair

This card tells me that you need to learn to be more balanced in relationships. Are you giving more than the other parties? Are you giving less? We must be fair to both others and ourselves. When someone in the relationship gives more, they may feel underappreciated which can become unmotivating, but they can also overwhelm the other person. You must learn balance.

Pile 2

Charm: Cactus

7. To the sea (reversed)

"When fishermen cannot go to sea, they stay at home and repair their nets." This is a quote from the guidebook that I had to rewrite here because it encapsulates the advice perfectly. You probably long for love like fishermen long for the sea. This card is telling me that the problem isn't coming from you, but the external world. An idea that just popped up in my head is a queer teen living in a homophobic area or with homophobic parents, so it is likely that this could be your situation. If it is, I love you, please take care of yourself, love and better days will come, don't worry! But you must wait a while longer until the external world matches your vibration, perhaps you'll have to move, wait until you're safe to go out to the sea. Until then, go with the flow.

50. No place like home (reversed)

This card seems to work perfectly with the previous one, it reminds us that what is familiar isn't always the best, because it keeps us from growing. If you want change, you can't keep going to the same things/people that haven't worked before, it's counterintuitive. It is natural to go back to what's familiar, but try something new. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Choose unfamiliar.

34. A leg up (reversed)

You are carrying the burden of your world all alone. You probably don't feel safe sharing what you feel, or are very uncomfortable with vulnerability. To be honest with you, right before writing this part of the reading, I started tearing up, you are holding in so much hurt... You need to voice your struggles, being vulnerable is proof of immense strength, believe me! I know it's hard! Start little by little with someone you really trust!

Pile 3

Charm: Star

35. Loyal Heart

Ok if one pile is ready for the beginning of a relationship it's this one. It is the perfect time for you to create loyal commitments. It is possible that you are already in a committed relationship, but at the very least you are surrounded by loyal, devoted people. Don't forget to be devoted and loyal in return!

4. Higher Power (reversed)

This card is inviting you to trust in whatever divine power you believe in, trust that the universe is divinely guiding you and protecting you. I feel like if a certain religion or spiritual path attracts or fascinates you, you should start looking into it, careful with being disrespectful or appropriating it, especially with closed practices, please do your research! But connecting to Source would be beneficial to you in the long run!

25. Round and Round

You are stuck in a cycle that you must break. Do not worry, you shouldn't feel bad, it's all part of the learning process. Remember: you've been through this before, think back on how that made you feel the previous times, are you sure you want to go through that again? Breaking this cycle is a form of self-care, and you need to care for yourself! You are subconsciously punishing yourself by staying in this cycle, try thinking about the root of why you're doing so! It could help you in breaking it!

Pile 4

Charm: "Love"

8. The tribe

You may want to find your tribe, or you have recently found it. You might feel like you finally belong, or are longing for that feeling. Whenever I get this card, I think of the astrology/witchcraft/tarot community here! It may be the same for you! You are welcome here, and hopefully, you feel like you belong! Contributing to any community that you are passionate about, whether online or in real life, will bring you great joy and satisfaction. Your tribe awaits and needs you! It's possible that that's where you'll find love as well!

6. Not for you (reversed)

Let them go. Whoever you first thought of, it's time to stop obsessing over them. "Don't chase after what flees you." I'm sure you realize this is not serving you, but how do you stop? This card is suggesting radical acceptance and surrender, that this is a sign that someone or something much better is waiting for you. I suggest reminding yourself that they aren't perfect and that you have just come to idealize them.

52. Mending (reversed)

You are very likely going through a grieving period right now. There is so much hurt and disappointment. "Heartbreak is a strange healer of souls." It may feel awful now, but trust that when you look back one day, you will see that the hurt you're feeling now, transformed you in a powerful way. This card is inviting you to accept the heartbreak and push through it, situations like this open us up to seeing the world in a new way, to growing. Better days are coming!

Pile 5

Charm: Angel

28. Building blocks (reversed)

Are you acting according to your belief system? Are you following the advice you give others? You must look carefully at your core foundation. It seems to me that you have done a lot of inner growth, but are still stuck in your old ways. Your outer self isn't matching your inner self. Start doing what you preach!

47. Go the distance

I feel like you're someone that wants love right now! For it to come fast and smoothly, like a sprint. You must learn to see love more realistically, as a long-distance race of endurance. You may be the type to immediately run at the sight of a problem. You must learn to be dedicated and work in love, it won't always be the idealized version you keep reading about or watching. Love demands work!

32. Here and Now (reversed)

You live in the past, don't you? So much regret and nostalgia... Or perhaps you live in the future? Daydreams and ambition. There is a need to learn to live in the here and now, you cannot change the past, and the future is infinite. They're both elusive, and unreliable; now is tangible, real, and full of immediate possibilities.

Pile 6

Charm: Mars Symbol

22. Blessed

This beautiful card talks about an unexpected and "unearned" wonderful event, that seems like divine intervention, a gift from the universe. The advice I take from this card is to practice gratitude because you seem to be blessed in the love department. Perhaps you already know who "the one" is for you. If you don't, trust that the universe has someone wonderful for you!

31. Why?

Ask yourself why you feel as you do about/in love? It is time for some introspection. You need to think and identify unhealthy patterns in your love life. Why do you act as you do in a relationship? Identify what in your past has caused this behavior. It won't solve the problem right away, but it's a good first step. Understanding the problem will be validating.

27. Exchanging gifts (reversed)

"Be careful what you pray for because you might just get it." You need to be ready for the energy exchange that will happen if this happens. This card talks about an imbalance between giving and receiving. You must learn that if you receive a lot, you must return a lot, love needs to be balanced. If you give more, you aren't actually in control, the other party could be consciously or unconsciously taking advantage of your generosity!

Pile 7

Charm: Eternally Open Heart Locket

17. The Fates

You must learn to accept that there are things and people you simply cannot control and change. You cannot blame yourself for things beyond your control, nor can you blame others for things they cannot control. Just be wise enough to tell the difference between things one can control and things one cannot!! If you have a tendency to mold people into your ideal, making them lose their essence, you must learn to accept people for who they are. It is not your job to change them: the desire to change must come from them, for them.

15. Message in a bottle

Try asking for specific signs from the universe, or start becoming more aware of them. Synchronicities are all around you, they're the way that the universe confirms that you're on the right path! Listen carefully to those you communicate with, they could be delivering a cledon to you. This card itself is a good sign, a favorable answer to the question occupying your mind.

9. Treasure Island

You might've already, but if you haven't, MANIFEST YOUR LOVE!! You will be greatly rewarded when you embrace the law of attraction and your intuition. Depending on your belief in how manifestation works, try being mindful of free will! If you believe that love spells on specific people are influencing their free will, then it is immoral to manifest a specific person. If you don't believe that that is how manifestation works, do as you will, just be in line with your beliefs! This card is also a great sign, you're on the right path, and have good fortune on your side. Very lucky pile!!

Pile 8

Charm: Boot

2. Yin (reversed)

You must learn to receive, only being the giver isn't good for you. You deserve to receive! Be open to embodying yin and yang equally. "You stop the flow of abundance when you constantly insist upon being the giver." Be the listener, the one that learns, the one that is being led.

33. Chaos and Conflict

You may be afraid of chaos and conflict, but you must remember that they can rid you of what's no longer serving you. Conflict also implies two sides, remember that yours isn't the only one, and conflict can lead to mutual understanding. Learn to put up boundaries, but also to respect those of others. When you finally see the potential of healing that conflict can cause, you'll be ready for mature communication in relationships.

20. Imagine

Remember that you can create what you imagine! Your imagination is powerful in manifesting your desires, but it can't do everything for you! Manifestation is work, when an opportunity arises, act! This card can also be a sign that the person you're manifesting will be entering your life soon. When they appear, don't just wait, and daydream! The imagination part of manifesting is done, now it's time to act.

Pile 9

Charm: Knife

21. Clean it up

It's time to let go and declutter your mind. Think about what is no longer serving you, about the things that only overwhelm you, and make you overthink, they aren't good for you. It might also help you to declutter in general, your house, your closet, your phone, your feed, etc. Make room for the new and the better.

48. Poised (reversed)

Think carefully, are you really ready for love right now? Because this card is telling me that you aren't. It's ok to be a "late bloomer", and it's important to be ready for love, as to not hurt the one you love, and yourself. Being single isn't a sign of "failure", it gives you the time and space to focus on yourself, on your growth, on your healing, on exploring and understanding yourself. Being single can seem like a curse, but it's a blessing, it's what you need right now.

16. All that glitters

Are you being yourself in love? Are they? Don't succumb to the power of superficiality. Either let go of the mask or look beyond theirs! "Imagine that all the glitter is gone. Would you still desire the object or person?" If one falls for the glitter, what will happen on the day they forgets to glue it on?

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

#3:33 #take what resonates #pick a card #pick a pile #fortune telling #divination #cartomancy #tarot cards #collective reading #collective tarot reading #collective oracle reading #free tarot reading #free oracle reading #tarot #tarotreading #oracle #oracle cards #love reading #oracles #witchcraft #enamouredfaepickacard #enamouredfae

[courtlyharlequin]

🦁 + I’m an introvert and extremely awkward when it comes to meeting new people </3 so it takes a lot of time to fully warm up to them! I can get real quiet around people I just met to the point where they don’t notice me at all and I dislike this part about me because that’s so sad but!! loud asf around people I’m comfortable with. I really really really am down bad for night skies and astronomy. I’ve always wanted to be able to see a sky full of dazzling stars but unfortunately due to all the light pollution in cities I won’t be able to see them :( so it’s always been a dream of mine to witness such beauty, even better with a person I cherish and love 🥺

AHHHH I couldn’t help but jump in on this event! Couldn’t bear to miss out on your amazing writing <33 congratulations on 1k+ and wishing all the best for you Vivi!! You’re such a sweetheart please know that 💛

(also this is such a good event idea you’re always the best 😮‍💨)

Starlight

Warning(s): female reader

A/N: Hello Leona’s housewif– I mean Sem!! Semmy Sem Sem!! Thank you so much for stopping by~ I really appreciate the support. You’re super sweet!! I was worried this event would flop since it’s different from what I’ve done in the past, but it turned out alright!! It’s actually my favorite event so far. I’m proud of myself so thank you for the compliment. It means a lot ♡ Anyhow, I hope you like it! I came to deliver (╯✧▽✧)╯

You frowned at the pile of laundry in the corner of Leona’s room. It wasn’t even in the hamper. His garments were draped over different pieces of furniture. You squinted, making out the shape of his gym uniform in the midst of the dark. It laid on his desk, crumpled up into a ball with sharp points protruding out of its sides.

“Leona?” you called.

Your voice echoed throughout his room. No response. You placed a hand on your hips. It was nearly midnight. Where else could he be, if not in his room at an hour like this? You scolded yourself for getting your hopes up. But how could you not? It was Leona Kingscholar of all people. Sure, he was incredibly entitled at times–  some would even call him arrogant, but he was so fine. You occasionally stopped by the makeshift field to watch him play. His prowess, his hair tied up, his leadership– everything he did made your heart flutter. You didn’t think he would notice you on the bleachers– let alone jokingly coin the term “darling” whilst calling you out for ogling at with heart eyes. You died of embarrassment that day.

Even to this day, you were absolutely smitten with him. You still haven't processed the fact that he asked you out. Him. He asked you out. Your mind was filled with hopelessly romantic daydreams and scenarios for days on end. You had brushed over the fact that he was Leona Kingscholar: an incredibly handsome athlete that you admired from afar, but also the troublesome student who skipped classes and made his underclassmen his errand boy.

It didn’t set in that he was the same person until now. Could he have ditched you? You slapped both hands on your cheeks. He wouldn’t waste your time like that. You weren’t his servant. You were his lover– if you even counted as one anyway. This was your first date after all. Moreover, you were a girl. Female. Leona would treat you well. He wouldn’t stand you up. According to Cater, Afterglow Savannah was a “ladies first” kind of culture. Hopefully, he wasn’t lying. The redhead always had a habit of ferreting out things. You would like to have hope in Leona– whether or not Cater told you was true. He was complex– layered like a piece of origami. There was much to unfold.

The moonlight embraced you as you made your way to the balcony of his room. You leaned against the railing. The sky was a deep indigo blue, dotted with brilliant, twinkling stars.

“Wow…” you breathed.

“Yeah.”

You yelped. The starlit sky was replaced with piercing green eyes.

“Leona!”

You took a step back, averting your gaze from his. You had never seen them up close before. You had never been so close to his face before either. His braids tickled your face. You angled your neck upward, getting a clearer view of Leona. He laid flat on his stomach, craning his neck over the edge of his bedroom’s roof. Your eyes trailed down his chest. Gravity pulled down his shirt. It hung loosely around his body, exposing his entire upper body if you looked through the V cut at the right angle. You coughed, turning around to not strain your neck amongst other reasons. Noting your change in position, Leona propped himself up with his elbows, looking down on you.

“Good evening to you, (y/n).”

“What are you doing up there?”

You hesitantly reached for his face, pausing to see if he’d push you away. He hummed. You brushed his bangs aside. His ears twitched.

“The stars are nicer up here,” he said.

“Stars?”

“You said you liked the stars didn’t you? ‘Down bad for the stars’ if I remember correctly?”

“Well yes– I mean no,” you coughed, “Yes, I like the stars.”

Out of all the things he could’ve remembered, he remembered that particular sentence. Granted, it was a rather bizarre combination of words. “Stars” and “down bad” weren’t typically paired together. Your cheeks flushed as he flashed you a smirk.

He offered you a hand. You cocked your head to the side. Your eyes widened as he grabbed your hand with his and hoisted you up onto the roof. He grunted as you struggled.

“Hold still,” he hissed.

Your breath hitched at the sudden movement.

Leona sighed, slowly lowering you to the ground, “Use your feet to gain some leverage. Put them up against the wall. Kinda like rock climbing. Don’t struggle so much.”

You nodded. He pulled up effortlessly this time.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it now?”

You rolled your eyes as you crawled onto the wooly blanket Leona was resting on. He pushed a basket of fruit and pastries to your side. You glanced at the goods then to him. His hair shrouded his face. His tail swayed back and forth. You giggled, grabbing a handful of berries before making yourself comfortable by his side.

“You’re right.”

“Hah?”

“The stars are nicer up here.”

“They are.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Sometimes.”

You leaned against his shoulder. His tail brushed your side as he wrapped an arm around you.

“Do you need anything? It can get cold up here.”

“No, not at all. Thank you though.”

“Let me know if you do.”

“Okay.”

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland imagines #twst imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #event fic #first date event #fave

[chasingstxrdust]

He said he loves me! he said it yesterday while we were talking about life and shit! he told me he’s been wanting to say it! That he thinks it all the time! and I got so fluttery! all I could think was like bitch me too! 

#I haven't technically said it back yet #cuz like the situation in which it was said #wasn't really an i love you I love you too kinda moment #and there are other personal things behind why he had been so hesitant to finally say something as well #so like still idk how to proceed for here #like casual i love yous don't feel normal yet still #so like very situational and I want to say it back #but I just need the right moment #but regardless #my heart has never felt so full #and this is amazing #and I still haven't fully processed #BUT HE SAID IT #HE SAID IT FIRST #I can't believe shit has been so good lately

[yarbz]

cowardly game of rival — n.jaemin ( f )

synopsis!

 ━ as the girl’s football team captain, you were used to the endless derogatory taunts, the wolf-whistling, the attempts at romance being boys telling you what they thought of barcelona’s starting XII. na jaemin fell into all those catergories, a detestable flea in your hair. as sworn enemies, there was not even an inkling of romance, and you were convinced that your attraction to him was ONLY physical. weren’t you?

pairing ━ na jaemin x female!reader

word count ━ 6k

genres ━ fluff, rival!au, football!au, comedy, romance, very little of the football game is described in detail.

warnings ━ profanity, football terms, dirty jokes, y/n and jaemin are literally just cowards

( author's note! )

this one came to mind when i thought of how i love female footballers and decided that jaemin would be the idiot in question to chicken out of confessing to their crush by being an ass instead. i really hope you like it !! other notes are sissoko is the name of like three different players and a cracker is slang for a really good goal.

Football.

A sport of creatively insane wits, fancy footwork and incoherent celebrations. Those were all the things you loved about it, along with the ridiculously cute uniform.

It provided you an escape from the man's world, a chance to carve out your own story, free from the shackles of stereotypes. At least, that's what you'd initially thought.

Unfortunately, the boy's football team made it their sole objective in life to demean you. As captain, you took on the strenuous task of refusing to resort to physical violence when a stupid comment about your short length was made or when boys assumed you couldn't tell your Sissoko's apart (you could, quite well actually).

You had taken it as a sign of war, and refused to comment on their pathetic sneers. You did, however, feel as if Na Jaemin made a blood pact or something to be a parasite towards you.

He stood at the cusp of six foot, towering over you like an evergreen beanstalk, cheshire-cat like smile taunting you. Chocolate colour tresses fell over his eyes in straight lines, shielding his forehead.

It's not like you paid attention to his visage, but even you had to admit in your spite that he was attractive. And horribly so.

Today started like every other, going to your locker before heading to your homeroom. Luckily, you'd managed to get there before the freshmen started to pile in. Being a senior had its positives along with its various faults, one of them being the early access you got to the school.

You jammed your key in the lock, flinging open the locker door, making quick work of exchanging your books. In your fast-paced stupor, you didn't notice the figure leaning behind the door. You slammed the door shut, nail catching an patch of skin, scraping it.

"If you wanted me to leave, you could've been less catty." The voice wheedled, throwing a withering glare in your direction. You rolled your eyes, annoyed, arms crossed across your chest.

"Jaemin." You sighed, rubbing your temples. "Why are you hiding behind my locker? Are you looking for a death wish?"

He sat up slowly, soothing his reddening nose, suddenly regaining his smile as he leaned closer towards your face. "If I was looking for a death wish, I'd eat whatever food you just stuffed in there."

"Fuck off. Don't see you making any gourmet meals."

"I'm the gourmet meal." He slithered, breath fanning your nose. From this distance, you could see the wonder swimming within his eyes, breath caught in your throat.

Damn, he was too fine.

You tore your gaze from his eyes, "And yet, I don't feel inclined to taste it." He jumped back in surprise, eyes widening, giving you an opening to dash. Chuffed that you left him speechless, you walked towards your next class, resisting the urge to turn back to revel in his awe-struck face.

Jaemin's eyebrow quirked in curiosity, crooked smirk hanging from his lips. He watched you stalk away, cursing underneath his breath softly. You carried a fiery aura around you, burning him with every snarky remark — even though it beat him bruised ghastly lavenders, he could bear to play with fire if it meant you would pay him attention.

You see, Jaemin did not hate you as per say. The 'hate' which you believed in was merely his inability to profess his affections towards you. For lack of a better word, he was a coward.

A dashingly handsome one, but a fragile, chicken-legged coward all the same.

You'd made it to class in record time, ego bared boldly on your shoulders, attracting the curious eyes of your best friends Yangyang and Donghyuck. Both were terrorists in their own right, but you couldn't help loving them all the same. Sure, they came as a dreadful pair, but love had decided to shackle your heart to them.

"What's got you so happy? Jaemin finally drop dead?" Yangyang joked, shifting to make space for you. Headband strapped to the pinnacle of his forehead, he grinned at you from beneath the base of stretchy ebony material.

"No..not yet." You hummed, sad lilt to your tone.

"Awh, didn't kill him yet?" Donghyuck teased, nudging Yangyang in their laughter. "I think it must be love stopping you from committing the crime yourself." You shoved both, peals of laughter tickling your throat at their whines of pain.

"If you don't shut up, I'll be killing you two instead, never mind Jaemin." You snapped. "Love is what I feel when I score a cracker from the halfway line. Seeing Jaemin makes me want to jump out of the nearest window."

"Are you sure it's not just unresolved sexual tension? I, too get antsy when I haven't jacked off—"

"Finish that sentence and you'll have no arms."

"I'm flexible enough to suck myself off." Yangyang mused, "You'll never stop my libido."

"You're disgusting." You and Donghyuck said in sync, swatting his grabby hands from flying at your shoulders. Quite frankly, you didn't want to hear about his freakishly boneless limbs, or his untameable sex drive, nor hear anything about his genitals at all.

"Does that count as self—"

"Yes, it does. Please don't be telling people that I'm your friend, or that you can do that. It's not a little icebreaker."

Friendship with these two had crossed all sorts of personal boundaries you didn't know existed, and it was starting to decompose you, like a rotting piece of cabbage infested by slugs, yet still hanging on for the glimpse of sunlight to regenerate.

Okay, so you were being dramatic. But, that didn't explain their dire need to over share certain aspects of their lives with you.

"Doesn't change the topic at hand —Did you get my pun?" He asked, looking for Donghyuck's reaction.

"I did. Not going to comment on it before she breaks my arms. Just know I enjoyed it very much."

"If I wanted to mess around with Jaemin, I'd put my hand in a beehive. It'd sting less." You snarled, slamming down your books. They winced comically, faces alert as the teacher walked into the class.

Apart from football, you enjoyed learning — how to make things, break things, self defense, people skills, and education fell not too far from that. Classes like biology interested you greatly, which is why you found yourself fully immersed in the process of respiration.

Your mind drifted for a second, thinking back to what he'd said. Was it actually sexual tension? Did you actually bare an emotion other than loathing towards him? Then, you thought of that face and how you'd want to do nothing more than break his pretty little nose—

Yeah. There it was. You were normal after all.

School had come to her daily dreadful end, and you were happily striding into the ladies' changing rooms for football training. Nobody had gotten here yet, luckily.

You glanced over into the full body mirror, tugging at your shorts until they fell just above the bump of your knee, pulling your sock midway at your calf. Lean abs shone underneath the dim light, and you proudly paraded around the room, happy to be alone.

A knock on the door came, and you swung the door open with a feverish excitement. "Who is it?"

"Didn't take me as a bra kinda girl. Was thinking more spandex or a binder." Jaemin seethed, hands on hips, azure jersey hanging off his lithe frame.

"You're insufferable. Why are you here?" You groaned, choosing to ignore his taunt at your breast size. His eyes crinkled into upside down crescents, wandering lower to the dip of your frilly black bra.

"To see my favourite girl, of course." He whistled, eyes still glued to your unmarked expanse of skin. "I think those need a new owner." He pointed towards your chest.

"Preferably one whose face I can stand to look at."

"I'm roaring with laughter." You snarked, voice dripping with sarcasm, making no attempt to cover yourself up. Jaemin was still staring, face flushed a flaming cerise. "You gonna keep staring or are you gonna leave me alone?"

"I'm not staring. Why are you staring at me?" He shot defensively. Your eyes narrowed at him, watching his cheeks darken with every lingering stare.

"You're in the girl's changing room, drooling over two lumps of fat on the body of a girl that you hate. The real inquisition here is your lack of sensibility to stop thirsting after anything with a vagina."

Jaemin stayed silent, eyes boring holes into your full lips, tongue instinctively darting out to wet his own nimble, chapped ones. Rolling your eyes, you lead him to the door, hand clasped against the door handle.

Then, you heard loud footsteps approaching the room, incoherent rambling increasing in clarity. You began to conjure up a plan, wondering how on Earth you'd be able to kick Jaemin out without the girls knowing.

With the shouts of the team gradually getting closer, you panicked, chucking Jaemin into a locker.

"Fine, I'll leave! Lemme out!" He squirmed, trying to come out of the metal confines.

"You can't leave now, they're literally outside. Do you want to be stomped to death by Nike Mercurials?" You hissed, closing the door over, much to his protests.

"Don't wanna die with the last image being your breasts."

"If you survive this, I'll gladly provide you a new image."

He shut up at that, and you straightened, reaching for your jersey in a false calmness. The girls burst in, squeals of various greetings being thrown across the room.

You smiled gently at them, encouraging them to get changed, joining in to laugh at their jokes. The topic kept shifting from manicures to new boots before finally settling on Na Jaemin.

"Cap'n, what's going on with you and Jaemin?" One of the girls asked, batting her eyelashes softly. "A boy on the football team told me that you guys are dating."

Dating..that devil? A sin punishable by death! You repelled all instinct to shudder in disgust, instead choosing to maintain a neutral expression.

"I am absolutely not dating Na Jaemin. He's a despicable little mongrel and I'd rather eat my shoe—"

"Mon bébé chérie, why do you curse me like this?" Jaemin squeezed from the locker, voice like a wounded puppy.

"Did you hear that? I think it was—"

"No! It's my Jaemin impression. Isn't it so good?" You spluttered, voice rising in volume. You were sure that your face was a painful beetroot, breathing crazily as you over-exerted yourself.

"Cap'n, it was so good I almost thought Jaemin was in here with us!" She gushed, hands clasped. "You guys would be so cute together. Even if you don't like him, I think he most definitely has feelings for you."

The rest of the girls joined in at this, shouts of 'you should take a chance!' resounding in the hollow room. You'd already ruled out that as a possibility, chalking it down to his uncontrollable thirst for being a pest. Na Jaemin was your rival, the utter bane of your existence, a rodent that fed on robbing your spirits dry of any positivity.

"He'll get a chance when pigs fly." You muttered, noticing their eyes staring at you inquisitively, as if they knew something you didn't. Awkwardly, you smiled at the girls, ushering them towards the door, scanning the hallway after the last one had skipped out.

Jaemin untangled himself from the locker, straightening his limbs, pulling at his calves in a stretch. You peered over your shoulder, frown deepening at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jaemin breathed, walking into your personal bubble. He was way too close. His breath tickled your forehead, eyes dark with something you couldn't decipher.

He felt his heart pound against his chest, resisting the urge to pick the stray hair in your eye to the side. You were looking at him with a confused expression, nose scrunched, eyebrows furrowed. You were going to be the death of him. Devastated, he broke eye contact, feeling all forms of fight seep from his bones.

"You don't like me." You whispered, wincing at the wobble in your voice. "Everyone's just saying that....right?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"No. I want you to say no."

"I can't do that."

"Well, you have to say no. I don't want to hear the rest of your sentence — keep us as just this." You softly yelled, pointing between the pair of you. "Don't change anything."

"Okay. I'll leave, but only because you want me to. But, before I go..you've gotta start being more observant." He sighed, ruffling your hair before making his way out.

"I’m plenty observant. Wouldn’t be a good player if I wasn’t.”

"I’ll see it when I believe it. Oh, and the thing you said about pigs flying..”

“What about it?”

“Renjun’s working on it.”

You laughed heartily, locking the door behind you. So, Jaemin did in fact think of you as his Aphrodite — all those nicknames were genuinely created out of affections. 'Mon bébé chérie' held a lot more emotional weight than it did twenty minutes ago, and you had to breathe before your eyes prickled with saltine tears.

Fresh air hit you like a loaded delivery truck, Mother Nature delicately wiping the tears from your eyes, shaking you with a cold flourish, roaring your cheeks to life. The team had already started their warm-up drills, as opposed to the boys' football team who were cooling down from their jog.

You ran over, tightening your ponytail, shifting into 'Captain' mode. The coach pushed you into the circle, encouraging you to take the reins. "Team, we've been doing nothing but straight work. Let's make this session count before the match tomorrow." You shouted, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline.

The team chanted back, settling into their positions for the first drill — a penalty shoot out. You stepped to the ball, striding back to gain a better angle, socks hugging your knees.

Giving yourself a five second countdown, you charged at the ball, foot pointed, kicking it with a passion that rivalled Lionel Messi. It rolled in the back of the net, flying past Hyejoo, who could barely even process it.

"Still got those fire feet, I see, Cap'n!"

"Lady Luck gave them to me for a reason." You boasted, smugness slapped all over your face.

From the corner of your eye, Jaemin snickered, winking at you when you turned to make eye contact. At least he had the audacity to keep up appearances in front of everyone, even if you had probably made everything awkward.

"My granny could kick better than that, babes!" He boomed from across the pitch, teasing smirk on his lips.

"Your granny lives in a retirement home and still calls on you 'Nana Banana'..it's not very nice to lie." You retorted, eyes narrowed, nearing his hunched form.

"Doesn't mean she can't kick your ass. Granny was a little Aguero back in the day."

"She can't if I'm the Manè, can she?"

"But I'm a Modric. I'll beat your ass, any day, any time." He grinned, leaning in to you. "In any way you want."

You heard blood pumping in your ears, your cheeks filling with immense heat. He grabbed your cheeks softly, grinning even wider when you flushed even warmer, a human sauna. Pushing a lock out of your eyes, he searched your eyes for any sense of rage, face softening at your lack of that emotion.

"Any..way..I want?" You mouthed silently, innuendo catching your attention again as you mulled over the words. "Na Jaemin, you're a dirty boy."

"I think you're the dirty girl." He hummed, saying the next sentence in an octave that made your head spin, quietly enough that only the two of you could hear. "Sauntering around in your little Victoria's Secret bra, cozying up to me without even batting an eyelash or covering up."

"These boobs are mine. I'm allowed to show them to anyone I want."

"So you admit to showing them to me? You admit that you were trying to put on a show for me?" He pressed, purposely craning his neck over you.

"I was trying to change. If you didn't come into the room like a little pervert, you'd never have gotten a visual of these."

"And yet I know how they look now. There's nothing that can erase that image."

"Fuck you, Na Jaemin."

"I think you meant to say fuck me, but I'll allow the slip-up just because I'm so nice." You squirmed under his predatory gaze, heat in your cheeks akin to a fever. "Better get back to training, Cap. Your team's got a match tomorrow."

You hissed at him weakly, choosing to walk away from his provocation, going back to the team, who were all smiling at you with a glint in their eye. By the looks on their faces, they'd definitely taken that exchange as a form of flirting.

Not that you were disputing it, of course.

The coach rounded the girls up, calling them to grab bibs. You relaxed, running over to take the last bib once you'd calmed down. Na Jaemin was a little toe-sucking, filthy mongrel who only knew how to charm his way out of everything — totally not your ideal type or anything.

His penance for being blunt coupled with that honeyed voice was what was throwing you off. Not your physical attraction to him. At least, you hoped so.

The shrill shriek of the whistle behind you shook you out of your mind, bringing your attention back to the practice game. With every shot at the goal, you could see Jaemin taunting you, making kissy faces.

After the first half, you weren't sure if it was real or if you were hallucinating — almost like a mirage, he was wearing that stupid little smirk and there was nothing more you wanted than to slap those lips clean off his face.

Soon enough, you clocked that it wasn't just an illusion, as he'd shifted to the opposite end of the pitch, the other boys from the football team watching from the stands.

They'd started jeering at every pass, exaggerating their reactions, commentary toeing the border of sexual harassment. You volleyed the ball on your foot, battering it into the stands, grinning widely as it hit one of the boys in the face, leaving his nose lopsided.

"If you're gonna be a sexist piece of shit, just fuck off. My team doesn't deserve to hear your brain-dead commentary, nor see your fuck face." You smiled, bite in your voice. "Kindly take the opinion that nobody asked for and shove it up your ass."

Jaemin's eyes twinkled with respect, breath caught in his throat at the dark look in your eyes. He felt his chest warm in adoration, heart doubling in size. "You heard the lady."

"Includes you too, Jaemin. Better get home before Granny Na starts missing her little boy."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Fuck off." You said playfully, recovering the ball. He waved you bye, lugging his bag over his shoulder, fixing the collar of his jersey. A beam touched your lips, face lighting up.

Jaemin smirked back at you, taking his leave. He dragged the remnants away with him, leaving the girl's football team alone in the cooling dwindle of Autumn light.

"Nice shorts." A tug.

"Oh? Na Jaemin complimenting me?" You mused in surprise, arms folded across your chest.

"You didn't let me finish." Jaemin whispered, standing on the sidelines of the pitch, pulling at the hem of your shorts. "Ooh, I can see your stubble. Better bring out the razor."

Your jaw tightened, feeling that rush of annoyance fill your veins again. The nerve.

"More stubble than you'll ever grow on that chin."

"At least I'm not a human Sasquatch."

"I've got hair in the right places—" You started, catching the innuendo, glaring at Jaemin's raised eyebrows. "—I know what I meant. Don't be such a dirty boy."

"Say it again. Love the way it rolls off your tongue."

You gaped at him, whole body blowing a fuse, skin reddening at his tone. Sweltering heat danced atop each fingertip, each muscle, making you jolt. His gaze was still glued to your face, relishing the quickly dilating pupils in your eyes.

"I—"

"—Would rather have you speechless after our first time, not for your championship final. When you win, I'll buy you fucking adorable ice cream with the little star sprinkles that you like."

"Going to ignore you on that first statement, but the second one sounds like a motive."

"Win the match, and I'll ask you out. Properly."

You saw his eyes flash with something passionate, flakes of gooey molasses swirling behind the irises. Before you opened your mouth to reply to him, he pleaded silently for you to just take it as it was. "Gimme a chance. Who knows you better than your enemy? Nobody."

"I mean..."

"Only you know that my grandma calls me those corny names or that I see her all the time."

"Or that you lose every game that's not football because you're too lazy to pay attention." You added.

"And I know that you broke a guy's jaw because he was bothering Yangyang." He continued. "And I also know that you know one thing I've never told anyone."

"Ooh, what's that?"

"That I like you."

You looked away from him sheepishly, goosebumps popping up on your skin, and whether it was from the cold or from his words, you didn't know. He was looking down at you tenderly, ruffling your bed of hair, pressing a small, wet kiss to your forehead as the whistle blew.

"Don't play with fire, Na."

"You're more like a carpet burn."

You sighed, defeated. "Fine. I'll give you an answer when we win. If you're playing me, I'll break your arms."

"Okay. Go get 'em, Lady Luck." He smiled, waving you off as you scurried onto the pitch, face glowing under the fluorescent lights. Jaemin felt his chest tighten with pride, jaw aching from all the strenuous smiling.

With that absurdly contented face, you reminded him of a cross between a kid at a carnival and a man about to kill another. Your hair gathered wildly atop your head, a wicked glare painting your face.

This was you at peace, he deduced. Even with the gruesome of expressions, you looked calm. The pitch was truly your home away from home.

Two minutes into the second half saw you being carried off on a stretcher with a torn hamstring. You'd fallen to the grass, no sounds coming from your limp body. Jaemin swore he felt his heart plunge into his ass, and with a frantic flourish, he was coddling your head into his chest.

"Luck, don't die on me. I'm supposed to take you out for ice cream after this, and I stole Renjun's Baskin Robbins loyalty card to cut costs so if we don't go, I'll be getting beat up without having kissed your stupid face." He babbled, slapping your cheeks, scared that you'd genuinely lost your life.

You groaned, rolling slowly in the elastic. "Stop touching my face, I'll get acne." Mildly concussed, you soothed your throbbing headache, registering Jaemin's face looming over you. "Jaemin?"

"Oh, thank God. Thought I'd never see that unruly sparkle in your eyes again."

"Fuck off. My hamstring feels like a fried chicken mukbang and you're talking about my eyes."

"I can't cry before our first date. You'll think I'm a wimp."

"Already think that."

He hit your arm lightly, beaming at your focus on his face, meeting your eyes. You were glaring at him with a kissable pout on your lips, eyebrows furrowed — he wanted to pepper your face in balmy kisses.

The paramedic pushed him away, leading you to the ambulance. You flipped him off, yelling loudly as they wheeled you in, "Make sure you win! Won't forgive you if you don't."

The girl's football team had gathered around the door, all tight-lipped smiles and crumpled faces. They visibly brightened at your declaration, huddling together to recalibrate — the ref blew her whistle to call them back, summoning them back into position.

Yangyang and Donghyuck left the stands, rushing into the ambulance alongside you, closing the door behind them. Jaemin could faintly hear your loud curses, and sighed in relief, knowing that you'd be fine.

With two goals up, the team were at optimum working speed, playing loyally for your honour. Jaemin stood at the sidelines, holding your jacket in his hands as he recorded the match on his phone, wanting to send it to you later.

At 90 minutes, the girl's team had become the winner of the Division One Seoul Inter-district championship, and Jaemin was content. Not because it meant you'd go on that date with him, but because he could feel how much it meant to them.

Everyone around him was cheering madly, chanting and spraying assorted drinks in each other's faces, an infectious joy lingering in his veins. Amongst all the commotion, he'd somehow been pushed into the middle of the team, feeling their gazes boring into his frame.

"You like Cap'n, right?" The brunette said, eyes bright.

"No. I don't like her. She's my rival." Jaemin lied pathetically, trying to escape their judgement.

"Why were you in the locker room then?"

"Damn. How do you know that?"

"Cap'n is horrible at lying, so she's always upfront. She also cannot do an impression so she never attempts it."

"Wow, you guys sure know your stuff. Bet she's glad to have a team like you. I know I'm feeling a little jealous."

"Cut the smooth talk. If you like Cap'n, just be straightforward. She's more innocent than she seems, and can get her heart broken easily."

"Got it." He nodded, "Well...ladies, I have to thank you for the advice."

"No problem, but if you break her heart.." They chorused, "We'll break that pretty little nose." Fifteen studded feet swung at his face, narrowly skimming the bridge of his nose.

He flinched, caught off guard, grin bared. "Now, I definitely got that message. I'll be going to check up on her, what do you want me to say?"

"We've already called her and shown her the trophy, so we have nothing left to say, you, however...take all the time you need."

"Since I have your blessing, am I allowed to—"

"Don't finish that sentence. Keep in your lane."

Jaemin promptly closed his mouth, and bid them a goodbye, dashing into his car towards the hospital, stopping at Baskin Robbins to buy the ice cream he promised. He hoped you’d at least be able to eat the sprinkles (the ones you liked were expensive, and if you didn’t eat them, he’d just wasted an extra 2,500 won.)

In the hospital, you were now dressed in a medical gown, surrounded by the two idiots. It smelt like an experiment lab, and the spotless shades of ivory splashed on the walls made you feel a tad bit overwhelmed.

Your leg had already undergone the MRSI scan, and the nurses had told you that you’d definitely tore your hamstring, but surgery would fix it right up along with natural healing.

Of course, all those details lacked in comparison to your team finally winning the trophy you’d worked so hard towards — that excitement numbed the pain considerably.

“We thought you’d somehow died.” Yangyang confessed, grasping your hands in his clammy ones.

“You did.” Donghyuck sneered, pointing at him, continuing when he saw your face change in confusion. “Yang was convinced that you were invincible like Superman or something. He started blubbering about how you could definitely defeat the grim reaper in close contact and that should be enough to steal back your soul or whatever—”

“I’m just never going to ask questions again.”

“Jaemin was on the verge of a breakdown when he saw you fall. Never have I ever seen him run so fast towards a girl.” Donghyuck said, hand on chin in mock thought.

You blushed, remembering your promise about the ice cream and falling back into the bed in distress.

“What’s going on with you? I saw you two all friendly at the sidelines.” Yangyang murmured, eyes squinting in judgement. “Don’t tell me...you guys fucked before the game?”

Suddenly it was too hot in the room. You fanned yourself to cool down, slapping your own cheeks before pulling Yangyang’s ears. “Yeah, because I have the guts to just have my first time in a school setting.” You deadpanned.

“Naughty girl.” Both boys swooned, unable to note your sarcasm.

“Just because my leg is gone doesn’t mean I can’t harm you anymore. I’ll break your kneecaps.”

In the midst of your fight with your best friends, you spotted Jaemin opening the door, wearing that greasy smirk that made butterflies tickle your throat.

“I see a broken leg isn’t enough to stop you, is it?” Jaemin drawled from the door, hands behind his back. “Still threatening people?”

“It’s not threatening if they deserve it.” You mumbled, suddenly shy. Jaemin maintained his distance from you, arm outstretched, ice cream tub in hand. He was looking away from you, faint blush tinting his cheeks, lips squeezed in a puffy ‘o’.

“Not that I remembered or anything, but you did say something about liking these sprinkles.” He said, eyes darting around to focus on anything but you.

“I do...like these sprinkles..how did you know?”

“Everyone calls you star, and you’re cute. It’s your personality in an edible sugar shape.”

You rolled your eyes at his words, forgetting both Donghyuck and Yangyang were seated in the room. It felt like the two of you were just stuck in your own world, glaring at each other like a pair of lovers.

Unfortunately, that moment was cut short by your ungracious best friends, cooing annoyingly. They were squealing like little girls, incomprehensible screams of ‘our girl’s grown up!’ scraping your eardrums.

“Leave me alone!” You whined, face scrunched in discomfort, making futile attempts to push them away. “Jaemin...please get these two off me.”

“Asking your boyfriend to get rid of us? Already?” Yangyang hollered, one of Jaemin’s arms stopping him from jumping on you again.

“He’s not my boyfriend. As of now, he’s the only sensible one who isn’t mauling the girl with a broken leg, and that’s why I’m asking him for help.”

“Should I throw them out?”

“Yes —actually, do whatever. Let them go terrorise someone that isn’t me.”

“Your wish is my command.”

On that, Jaemin escorted both boys outside, shutting the door on them, cutting off the beginning to their long-winded rant with a smile. That left the two of you alone.

Oddly enough, the silence wasn’t stifling but rather a conversation of the mind — you were able to see what he wanted to say by looking into those mocha coloured eyes. You threw the ice cream tub in the bin, reaching for Jaemin’s hands shyly.

He’d sat down beside you on the bed, just staring at you like you were an abstract painting, a mosaic of a splendid array, unable to take his eyes off you. He took your hand warmly, running his fingers over your calloused knuckles, sharing his heat with you.

“Jaemin.” You yawned, head falling onto his shoulder. “I’m saying yes to your date. If I didn’t get injured, you could’ve taken me out today, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry. Being with you is enough for me, even if I do want to comment on your horrible tackles during the match.” Jaemin teased, grabbing your hand a little tighter.

“Haha...I’m dying of laughter.”

“Hey! None of that here.”

“Sorry. I’m just happy. My team won our first championship, which we’ve been trying to do for three years, and I feel on top of the world. All those years of boys being absolute dickheads to us about our abilities, trying to put us down have amounted to this moment. I’m at peace right now.”

“Don’t apologise. I should be sorry instead. It was easier to talk to you if I pretended I hated you. I shouldn’t have been like that.”

“I accept your apology. But..I think it was cute you couldn’t tell me you liked me! That’s so endearing.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s my line! Well, you were always attractive to me, even when you were being a dickhead. Now that I think about it, you’re at your hottest when you’re being mean.”

“Is that so?” Jaemin mused, rolling onto his hands, dangling over you, lips eerily close to your own. “Do you want me to treat you mean, keep you keen?”

“Firstly, don’t ever say that again.” You stopped him, hand placed on his chest to push him away lightly. “Secondly, I’ve never had a boyfriend or my first kiss. That means no experience.” You slurred that last part, rushing the words so he wouldn’t be able to hear.

“Cap’n, you’re telling me that I’ll be your first?”

“Not if you don’t ask me out.”

Jaemin sat back beside you, looking up to the ceiling. This was the moment. He took a deep breath, standing up before you, hands rubbing his stomach softly to calm down.

“I wanted to do a real dramatic confession, but I rushed over here in fear that you wouldn’t be able to hit me again, so I’ll have to stick with my speech.” He cheesed, trying to ease himself of his nerves. You laughed, hissing in mock anger when he wore that stupid grin. “I like you. Like a lot. Sometimes, I come to school with a dirty scowl on my face, but then I see your face and start smiling like a love struck fool. You’re someone that I wouldn’t want to lose.”

“Jaemin, you little mongrel. Come here.” You waved him over, arms outstretched in a hug. “Even though I know your ego won’t let you ask me out properly, I would love to be your girlfriend. However, if my heart is broken..I’ll be stoning your car.”

“Thought you were gonna say that you’d break my face.”

“That too.”

He snuggled closer into you, peering up at you with shining eyes, not wanting to move too much to keep you comfortable. You grinned back at him, placing a soft kiss on his head, running a hand through his hair.

That familiar silence returned, and that’s how you fell asleep with Na Jaemin enveloped in your chest. Although you’d broken a leg, Lady Luck seemed to have twiddled her fingers to send you a ‘get well soon’ present, the ever cunning Na Jaemin.

Five months later had you no longer hobbling around on crutches like a hobbit, but walking proud and tall. Jaemin drove you to school (using the excuse of carpooling) and helped you take your books to first period everyday — the alpha male in him winced seeing you attempt any ‘heavy lifting’, and he’d made it a routine.

“Can you fuck off? I can carry this.” You complained, pinching his side. “Just because I see a physio biweekly doesn’t mean I’m about as able-bodied as a monkey.”

“Got the hair to be a monkey.” He snorted.

“Look who’s talking, Mr.Sasquatch. Bigger feet than his prints, you little scoundrel.”

“Big feet means big—”

“Don’t finish that if you wanna keep the body part in question.”

“—heart. Dirty girl.”

You felt the honey pooling in your stomach, kissing his cheek in haste to escape his relentless teasing. He shut up at that, pulling you back to kiss you properly, attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway.

“Get to class.” He announced as he parted from you, enjoying your petulant face. You hit him softly, flipping him off from behind you, blowing him a kiss.

Ah, Na Jaemin. You still hated him. Just a little less this time.

#na jaemin imagines #jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #jaemin fluff #na jaemin scénarios #na jaemin fluff #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct #nct dream #nct2020 #kpop imagines #kpop scénarios #kpop fluff #kpop #nct smut #kpop smut

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

I'm. The new covers, op. The new covers. Gosh. Both of them hold so much symbolism. And technically they both are canon, they are both original ideas that could perfectly be valid. Horikoshi simply found something better. But anyways, I'm going to go ahead and ramble about it because Im- Op, prepare for a long ask! Hope you like it!

So!

On the one where Katsuki's the one in the picture, he's not on his knees like he is in the other two covers. Instead, he has his face down, body forward, one hand on one leg, the other one holding out for something...He's bowing. Bowing in Japanese culture is a pretty big deal. Hes not just tilting his head a bit, his head and body are on full on commitment.

Such a tilted bow means a LOT, specially from THIS guy, Mr dont let anyone walk in front of me. Even more when hes not just bowing, but accepting such an open display of given help, Mr shonen anime lone wolf. Accepting something he always has trouble admitting to. Accepting the past, accepting the wrongs. Accepting Izukus help means so much, and that's what these three covers have in common.

His hand is sctretching out. He's ready to say yes to that hand out in the air.

(Ps. I wonder if he's watching his own reflection on the water in this panel, as well?)

Hes in middle of the picture with those childhood friend at the back, which means audience. It means letting people see what hes done, what he's sorry for. He is being open and exposed and vulnerable. That's no fighting stance.

Remember guys, in case you haven't noticed before, Horikoshi puts lots of metaphorical value in his manga and on his covers. Sometimes you've got to dig in deep and think to get the bigger picture. And in this case, the bigger picture screams regret and wanting to make things right from the start.

This cover occurs in the past, at the moment where everything started, and Katsuki fully remembers this. Katwuki has thought of this, is thinking about this. He's had eye bags for gods sake, he's clearly troubled by all of what it means.

These three covers are the visual explanation of what's going on inside Katsuki's head, because this is clearly focused on him and his perspective.

(Ps. Rivers symbolise the massage of time. If that doesnt add to everything else, I dont know what to tell you.)

So! Next!

Wow, if this isnt one of my favourite things ever. Okay. Christ.

I have two options here. Scratch that, three options. Scream into the void, scream into this post, or actually make a good presentation of my inner turmoil. I'll have to go by the third option. (Haha. Just like horikoshi did. Dont # me, I'm funny in my head.)

This cover melted my insides, froze them all over, and hit me with them like a hammer.

I know they're kids, but let me get this straight-so kids seriously look at their friends with these looks in their eyes and think "ah, yes. This is my very good friend. This gentle smile and kind look I'm giving him as if he was my whole world? Well, hes just a very good friend."

I looked at my childhood crush this way, I dont know what to tell you.

Anyway, let's actually jump to the information at hand.

This panel seems like it's making a reference to what Katsuki wishes could have been. And if that's not absolutely soul-crushing...this cover is Katsuki's feelings, guys. These are probably his very thoughts. This scene has gone through Katsuki's head at some point.

We've got Izuku in his stuck up pose all over again, in just an awkward angle. It's like katsuki isnt looking AT this katsuki right now, but at the spot where the actual past Katsuki, at some point, was. As if this Isuku is frozen in time. Dont believe too much in this paragraph, I still have my doubts about that, but I feel it's a possibility. Izukus eyes seem to be focused on the water, while Katsuki is just the tiniest bit back, reaching for Izukus hand. And gosh.

I dont think I've ever seen older NOR child Katsuki have this look plasted into his face before. He's...sheepish. Kindly, awkwardly sheepish. No hate, no anger, no shame, no nothing. His face is clear and sweet and has this "Whoops. You got me. But thanks." kind of expression on.

The hand behind his head, just the tiniest but embarassed? That little smile? It's all so soft.

Rambling about softness though- I really liked the hand scene in this particular panel. If you close up your view, you realise that theres no effort to pull anyone out of nowhere. In this panel, they are simply holding hands in frozen time for no purpose at all.

Katsuki has his hand around Izuku...simply holding there.

Again, because the angle is awkward, it's kind of messy, but you get the point.

It's all simply beautiful. Horikoshi clean likes give me life.

And lastly. The actual cover.

I screeched so hard when I saw this. My first instinct when seeing this for the first time was to straight up go trigger happy fingers and write about it to my friends. Christ.

Everything is so...SOft. horikoshi made a good decision by mixing both previous drawings in one. We have parts of the two covers in one, which is amazing. In this one, Katsuki isnt alone, as Izuku's there too. But we dont have the audience either. Probably because the main focus on this panel is no one else except them two.

Again, Katsuki looks like he's bowing, but instead of looking all the way down, he's in the middle. Not looking at Izuku nor looking at the ground, like it shows in the previous covers. Instead, Horikoshi found a middle ground. He's looking at his hand. At the gesture.

Hes not holding hands quite yet, but his hand is there. At arms reach. Not close enough but there. Wanting.

Theres so much regret and again, softness.

Again, like you Op said a bit bad, the angle is off here. This is present Katsuki remembering his past. The angle is off because this Izuku isnt holding out for our Katsuki. This is a memory. A wish. Katsuki's wish.

(Ps. Izukus trousers drenched in the rivers water. This detail was so nice. It's a subtle action that describes Izukus characterization so much. Izuku went in the river with Katsuki in mind, not caring if he got his clothes soaked in the process too. For Izuku, only Katsuki was there. And for Katsuki, only Izuku is.

As a plus, I can't believe the cover of this is literally called Bakugou Katsuki rising. They named the entire thing after that one chapter. Actually, I very much, totally believe it. It's the moment so many people have been waiting for, after all. The moment so many scenes have been amounting for, little by little.

*dreamy sigh*

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this little thing, I had to get it out of my system and dont want to bother my dear friends anymore than needed.

Have a good day, OP! I'll stay updated!

You kinda just...took my heart and curb stomped it, not gonna lie. Your observations are so beautiful and so accurate. The sketch with little Bakugou taking Izuku’s hand is so...raw, and yeah, that expression is definitely one of love. Those eyes, the way he is HOLDING Izuku’s hand, not TAKING it. He isn’t taking it to stand up, he is literally just...holding it. 

That isn’t the way you take someone’s hand when you’re trying to pull yourself up. It’s an awkward angle and just...wouldn’t work right. No, he is literally just holding his hand, and that’s exactly what Bakugou wishes he did all that time ago. He wishes that he not only took Deku’s hand, but held onto it. Held it as if it were something precious, something to be cared for and protected. 

These are Bakugou’s true feelings expressed in these drawings, and I think Horikoshi released them on purpose, to show us more of what he wanted Bakugou to be feelings through all of this. Since after all, we know that Bakugou expresses himself in action, not so much words. And because Horikoshi is an absolute genius, he thought to give us these other glimpses in how he feels through these actions. 

And the other sketch with him bowing his body to Izuku, and the way the log looks like it’s on his back with his ‘friends’ on top of it. 

The pressure of needing to be the coolest, the strongest, the best. Those kids put that kind of pressure on him, even if they never realized it. They encouraged his behavior and fed his ego, and it never allowed him to see how he was wrong. But now he is realizing it, and he is bowing himself in light of that acknowledgement. He is lowering his head and putting his pride away, so he can get back what he lost all those years ago; the opportunity to take Izuku’s hand.

To take the hand of the only one of those kids that ever loved him unconditionally. Who never pressured him or expected him to be invincible. Who saw all of his flaws and was completely prepared to support him despite all of it. The only one. 

I’m just a mess over all of this, and I am so incredibly thankful to Horikoshi for creating this beautiful relationship. AND IN A SHOUNEN MANGA, NONETHELESS!!  

Thank you friend, for your beautiful thoughts. I think they’re spot on, and I am so emotional all over again because of this. 

#bnha spoilers #bnha #mha #bkbk #bakudeku #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #deku #bnha meta #bnha analysis #blackiee-is-heree #asks #basketball idiot #basketball idiot replies

[flowercrown-bard]

ooh 1, 2, 4 👀

Thank you!!

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Ah I'm so glad you asked bc I'm actually really excited about this! I'm doing a thing for the mountain archives prompts. Now I'm really bad at choosing prompts and I'm also bad at writing one shots so I figured I'd just include as many prompts as I could into a longer piece. And since I couldn't make the prompts make sense in a single story line, it's going to be a choose-your-own-adventure fic ^^

Process is... not as good as I had hoped. But today I finished the first full ending and the first half-ending (it will make sense once I've finished it). So... only like 12 more endings to go *nervous laughter*

I love most about it that I'm doing it. It's not perfect by any means but I've wanted to write another choose-your-own-adventure thingy since I posted the last one and I'm just really happy that I'm finally getting around to it

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I'm going with my reincarnation au. (minor spoiler) I have this one scene already fully written in my head (but I write in chronological order so I haven't actually written it yet) and um... It's another character death scene. There were some things that really gave me trouble with that fic and I think that one scene could solve them all (here's to hoping it will actually turn out good XD)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

So, it's not exactly something I'm proud of but it's something I really like. It's from my fic Congealed:

"For the moment their eyes met, Geralt's heart congealed in his chest. It hardened, froze completely, and with it all feeling, all the love he had ever felt for Jaskier."

So. I didn't exactly come up with this myself. I was having the most vivid and drastic dream and this line was the last thing that was said in that dream before I woke up. It was 4am and that line was still so fresh in my mind that I just had to write it down so I wouldn't forget it. And then I couldn't sleep so I just wrote a fic around it. It's not the most coherent story bc again, I had just woken up and it was based on a dream but this line I really like.

In my dream it was in German and it sounded far more dramatic and fairytale like:

"Als sich ihre Blicke trafen, erstarrte ihm das Herz im Leib und er verlor alle Liebe die er für sie empfand."

Ask game

#Thank you for the ask! #<3 #That dream was the best #And I'm so excited about that mountain archive project! #It's not my best writing by far but I'm proud that I'm doing it anyways #Ask game