#support seeking

[unwelcome-ozian]

#seeking support #support seeking

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[sharkface]

If there are supposedly hordes of trans women sniffing out shy moody androgynous goth boys and turning them into extroverted freaky raver puppygirls explain why hasn't it happened to me yet. Am I not pretty enough

#This is a joke but seriously you guys are weird as fuck for thinking a 'guy' who hangs out with a lot of trans women eventually becoming #one herself is some evidence of being 'turned' instead of the simpler and more reasonable explanation that the reason that #she hung out with mostly trans girls and was ok with them talking about her becoming a girl jokingly OR serious is probably just that #she already wanted to be a girl and the trans girls she hung out with helped her become more comfortable with that idea and #gave her the tools and confidence to pursue that. There is no prime directive because closeted trans people are not fucking aliens who #have nooo idea what's going on with themselves and should be isolated from people who could help them figure themselves out #and support them through that realization and their transition. You are straight up parroting conservative talking points about protecting #our vulnerable cis people from the big scary trans agenda that seeks to corrupt their beautiful god given genders. Get a grip #talk

[cyanbeetle]

My Wonder Woman and friends

#my art #the last drawing is from a panel in the legend of Wonder Woman that I find really funny #I’m so sorry to the public. if I had free reign I’d change so much about Diana’s supporting cast #especially barbara and Steve I think there’s so much missing potential with both of them to be interesting antagonists/friends to Diana #maybe if I read more comics I’ll find them in the narrative roles I seek.. alas #wonder woman #diana of themyscira #dc #dc comics #etta candy #steve trevor #barbara ann minerva #barbara minerva

[thankfulfortomorrow]

Good Morning Cuties :)

#me #selfie #bi #bisexual #gay #lesbian #queer #gwlg #sapphic pics #sapphic seeking sapphic #sapphic #lgbtq #gwlg post #gwlg selfie #gwlg blog #wlw #women supporting women #women like women #merry christmas #happy new year #happy hannukah #Thor #thirsty #5k celebration #woohoo #woot woot #hollywood #my body #my stuff #good morning

[wiggly-round-worm]

I’ll be honest i HATE the way the QSMP fanbase is treating Gegg and Tallulah. Like Gegg literally just appears, bro hasn’t done a single thing and people start talking about how they want him to die 😭 ?? And Tallulah starts feeling insecure trough no fault of Gegg and the Gegg tag just EXPLODES with hate. I’m a big petty baby and i don’t like seeing /neg in the tags bro. It just kinda feels like tallulahs the golden child who can do no wrong and Geggs the scapegoat who’s blamed for everything, and i feel like people are already taking it too far

#Gegg #QSMP #worm do rant #I can't belive im ranting about minecraft egg roleplay #To be honest i really relate to the whole seeking love an affection thing #so the first gegg stream was kind of like emotionally comforting almost #and then this gegg stream was fucking awful ngl #like its super funny #but seeing how people reacted to gegg made me upset #Also? geniunely starting to not like Tallulah #just by assosiation #don't like seeing her treated as the golden child at geggs expense #this might all sound rlly stupid but im off my meds and i need to be emotionally invested in something that has no consaquence over my life #because if i focus on my actual problems im gonna kay em ess #HE DID FLOW UP TILINS ROOM THATS FUCKED UP #but aside from that? bros innocent #i support geggs rights and geggs wrongs

[angellic-critique]

Yeah Viv is going to super hell lol

I want to be shocked so badly but to the point of having most of the angels being vague black women whereas velvette/alastor are loose caricatures of mishandled lost potential I don't know what to tell this fandom anymore.

It's ridiculous how much this fandom chooses to speak actively over black voices instead of lifting to encourage the fact that vivs writing is sooooo racist as HELL<3

#anti vivziepop #fucked up #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel critical #please stop supporting spindlehorse #vivziepop critical #anti helluva boss #please stop supporting vivziepop #spindlehorse critical #trash askbox #im also recieving harrassment for saying mentally ill people should seek help so yknow thats a bonus too that were so demonized '-' #please stop supporting hazbin hotel #please stop supporting helluva boss #anti amazon prime #anti amazon #anti hazbin hotel #anti A24

[solisaureus]

honestly i think the counterpush against the toxic notions of “love will fix you” and “i can love them better” have swung too far and now people are saying things like “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” and “it’s unhealthy to seek comfort from your partner when you’re mentally ill”

like let’s be fr here. the number one most effective intervention for mental illness is social support. i honestly think the devaluation of friendships and other non-romantic sources of emotional support has contributed to this issue — the common unhealthy extremes being “your romantic partner will heal you with love” and “you need to heal yourself on your own.” expecting a mentally ill person to recover entirely alone is not only cruel, it’s unrealistic and infeasible without social support. thus, it’s normal and healthy to rely on your romantic partner for comfort and support. it’s just that it BECOMES unhealthy if they are the only or the main source of comfort and support in a mentally ill person’s life.

so no, dating someone who loves you won’t fix your mental illness. but not having to cope with it alone damn well helps.

#forgive me if this is incomprehensible i have a migraine #but i’ve been thinking abt this for a while. especially since the tsats discourse has people #claiming that solangelo is toxic because nico relies on will for emotional support #first of all they rely on each other for emotional support. that’s what relationships are for #and second of all seeking comfort from your partner isn’t inherently unhealthy behavior i just think we have this association that it is #because we see unhealthy representations of it all the time but i strongly feel that tsats isn’t one of them #robin text

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Embracing Autistic Challenges

The Autistic Teacher

#autism #actually autistic #autism awareness month #autism acceptence month #embracing challenges #self awareness #seeking support #practice self care #embrace your differences #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #The Autistic Teacher (Facebook)

[aceofwhump]

Prodigal Son 1x02

#whumpedit #whump #prodigal son #malcolm bright #tom payne #gil arroyo #lou diamond phillips #my gifs #mod post #stumbling #dizzy #support #seeking support #father son #did i make this entire gifset purely because i love that moment in the last gif when gil rubs malcolm's shoulder? #yes #yes i did #it's lovely #soft #so soft

[jmdbjk]

And another thing...

Korean news media hyping how BTS has continued to release content with no gap even while enlisted in the military.

Yonhap News.

KBS News.

"Is this BTS' military service?" astounded, like... what kind of military service is this where the members are still active while they are enlisted??

They've even coined a new term to describe it: Rubber Shoe Content.

Apparently this sort of thing has not been done before, at least not to this extent, when an idol group is on break fulfilling their military obligation and release things for the fans while they are away.

"They are creating a new activity model to fill the gap with so-called 'rubber shoe content' for fans waiting for BTS, from music videos and entertainment documentary films to offline events."

The planning that had to have occurred and length of time it took for all of this to be produced... BTS and their staff, along with their agency BigHit and the resources available to them via Hybe, were able to carry out this extensive effort so that we would continually have things to look forward to while they are away. They worked hard before enlisting for us.

And we know more is coming! Wait until K-news sees Jimin and Jungkook doing MMA in their sleep!!

#bts military service #do the right thing and support their hard work #they did all of this for us #heard on the internet: #kpoppie speaking about poor performances during current award show stages: BTS created art on stage #FIFA already seeking a deal with “international band” BTS for future World Cups #k-news media doing great PR work for BTS #whats up with the british royal family?

[siracethegreat]

noooo tango don't be sad hug your emotional support large guy !!!!

#I say this as a large man myself btw please seek me as support I want to give nice hugs #I think some people see that as a fatphobic idea?? but idk I personally find it silly :3 #hermitcraft #tangotek fanart #tangotek #tango tek #erm should I ship tag this....? #uhhh sure why not #hermitshipping #tangpulse #kay wait is impulse using tumblr real or fake cause I don't want him in my house but idk where he is #hashtag risk taking ig #impulsesv #sir ace drawing shit #impulsesv fanart

[neproxrezi]

why am i getting all the uninteresting blazes from people who think their insta / tiktok success will be replicable here. you are on the mentally ill ageing blogger website held up by weird trans furries like the sky above atlas. you can't be an influencer on here the website collectively owns $4

#im getting so many basic bitch tweets and dancing videos #and all the replies r just 'this is not the website you think it is' #thank you for paying to support the website but it does not have the clout you seem to be seeking #dibi #my favourite blaze so far was the worst poem ive ever fucking read #and op deactivated within 24 hours. #absolutely ruthless

[cl0ckworkqueerness]

[trigger warning: mention of sexual assault]

the specific breed of queer queerphobia is just as if not more frightening than non-queer queerphobia, specifically in this case as it relates to acespec/arospec people (terms which will hence be combined into "aspec" for the sake of clarity, see the tags for a quick note about this)

if it's not already clear from my posts, i am very supportive of the silenced, erased, and shunned parts of the queer community. i involve myself a great deal in breaking down the walls that queer people have decided to erect in order to determine who does and doesn't get to call themselves "queer". nothing breaks my heart more than seeing other people who experience the world in a way starkly different from perisex, allosexual, alloromantic, cisgender, heterosexual people, get shunned from a family who also experiences the world in such a difference way, simply because it's not different "enough", or not different in the way they want to be different

aspec people will always unquestionably be queer, regardless of anything else that would or wouldn't make them queer. period.

aspec people should not and should never need to "justify" themselves to attend pride, not just "as an ally", but as someone whose relationship with romance and sex (the act) differs from what is expected of a "normal" person. they are inherently different, they are inherently queer. full stop.

aphobia exists, regardless of whether or not you follow your blatant bigotry with "no it doesn't". you cannot erase your shittiness by following up your shittiness with "by the way, I'm not being shitty". and if you know you are being aphobic, and you are proud of such a thing, rethink the way you see queerness as a whole. you are a vile human being, and should unlearn the oppression olympics. you not only are an athlete in it, but you are the obstacles. you are the fucking problem.

aspec people regularly face discrimination and harassment for being aspec. the comments of "why do you refuse to give me grandkids" and "maybe you just haven't found the right person yet" and "you're broken" and "you're going through a phase" have all been said about gay people, about lesbians, and about aspec people. aspec people face violence for being aspec. aspec people face corrective rape for being aspec. aspec people face crocodile tears claws that intend to "help", aspec people face blood and claws that intend to hurt, aspec people face real, visible hatred. and even if they weren't "oppressed enough", WHICH THEY UNDENIABLY ARE, 1) there isn't an oppression goal someone needs to hit to become valid, and 2) queer people should not be defined by the oppression we face, anyway.

"b-b-but what about cishet asexual people!!!" i have never seen a sentence less scary in my life. cishet people can be queer, you know? cishet people can be intersex (if they choose to identify as queer), cis people can be asexual and aromantic, pericishet people can in fact be demisexual and heteroromantic, and guess what? they're still queer. they still differ from what's "normal". they're still allowed to pride, because pride is not meant to gatekeep.

pride is meant to celebrate our differences, to fight against those who try to suppress us, and to unite those who feel crushed by the heel of normality.

so don't fucking do their job for them.

#not gender related #asexual #aromantic #acespec #arospec #aspec #acephobia #arophobia #aphobia #note: #i don't know when i saw this or if this person was being serious but i saw someone say that ''aspec'' is actually used to refer to the #autism spectrum and should not be used for ace/aro people and instead should be replaced with acespec and arospec? #as an autistic person who is autistic in such a way that makes it literally impossible for me to mask this is absolutely stupid. #i have NEVER seen this used for autistic people however i HAVE seen it been used as a ''correction'' for ace and aro people seeking #community and support from one another. #i don't know if that's still a thing people say but just in case anyone does: No

[ingravinoveritas]

feuerkindjana replied to your post "More pictures of David at the press night for…"

He looks like he's missing his emotional support pet

@feuerkindjana He really does...

There is just something about that one red carpet pic in particular, with how smol and vulnerable David looks. I do think it would be lovely if he had Michael on his arm, having him there to handle the photographers and be assertive in the way that David sometimes finds difficult to do himself. Plus David does look a bit cold in the late January chill, so he would probably more than welcome having Michael there to keep him warm. They just seem like they would make the loveliest couple walking the red carpet together...

#feuerkindjana #reply post #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #he seeks comfort from Michael #and i love that Michael is both his emotional support pet and his big Welsh bear #they are perfect together your honor #a friendship that's become something more #ineffable lovers #discourse #gif by me

[lesbiradshaw]

if they didn’t want me to believe that rooster and hangman were in love then maybe they shouldn’t have included significant scenes of them parting and reuniting that directly parallel each other… just a thought.

#like its kinda crazy the only two people we see bradley Talk To before launching are jake and mav #and jake is the one who seeks him out to basically say goodbye (please make it back) and it seems like it almost prompts bradley into + #finally going to seek out maverick in the same way #‘Hangman walks away; leaving Rooster to contemplate the gravity of what’s happening’ #the script supports my spiraling. btw. #idk the implications of the unspoken level of care there is there. #like oooooooohhhhhkay #i could talk about this all day. sorry. #sereshaw #hangster #top gun maverick #tgm