anyway i just wanna say i love queer masculinity… this one goes out to all butches and he/him lesbians and trans men and bears ..,,
there is something so amazing and special about taking something that has been used so often to oppress us and turn it into something wonderful and gentle and kind.
queer masculinity is not toxic or harsh it is strong and caring and so full of love.
it’s making sure your friends are safe, walking with them or driving them home. its carrying in groceries, making dinner, doing housework because masculinity isn’t about telling others what to do, it’s doing it yourself before anyone has a chance to notice it hasn’t been done.
it’s fixing your friends car for free, refusing to call maintenance when things go wrong at home, because it’s easier to just figure it out yourself (and you’ll do a better job anyway). its catching bugs and putting them outside when your partner is scared.
it’s loving the outdoors and dirt and mud and getting scraped up and sweaty. its being at home with your partner and putting your arm around them so they feel safe and secure.
it’s being the “dad” or “grandpa” of your friend groups, the one who people go to to ask for advice or comfort. its wearing clothes that belong in a different decade because goddamnit my dad was the coolest guy ever in the 90s and i am so glad i look just like him!
its working on the toxicity, going to therapy, learning and growing and removing the parts of yourself that don’t allow you to flourish.
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This is me being brave but uh selfshippers / ficto folks / etc -- I'm kicking around concepts for a solo journaling TTRPG about what it's like to have a F/O; if you want to contribute a idea of what you feel is a 'core experience' for that, please do so! Negative things are okay, btw -- a lot of my own experiences are negative.
Anyway, here's what I have so far (note these are pretty personal, and pretty ... not happy):
longing / yearning / etc
knowing there will never be physicality / you will never hear their voice / etc etc etc
in that same vein, loving someone you cannot touch/etc
imagining your f/o with you
leaving notes 'from' your f/o
the self love aspect
the use of this as coping mechanism (ymmv)
this as orientation (ymmv)
imagines (ie scenarios with your f/o), headcanons, etc
interacting with f/o source
community (or lack of)
dealing with feeling shame / being picked on or hated / etc
Thanks. Remember, your F/O loves you.
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Hello all! I've consolidated the responses so far to my call for 'core selfship / ficto experiences' in relation to my 'having a f/o' solo journaling ttrpg project-- I want to let you all see what's been offered so far and also explain a bit more about what a solo journaling ttrpg is! (:
That explanation and the ideas offered below the cut, because otherwise this is a long post. For anyone this post breaks on, please forgive me.
To start, what's a ttrpg? It's short of table top role-playing game, sometimes called a physical game. If you've ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons (D&D), you know what a table top game is!
For those who haven't, table top games are basically like if you took playing pretend and gave it some rules-- or didn't. The world of TTRPG games is vast and encompasses a wide range of games from super crunchy structured rules with Lots of dice and math to games that are less than one page and super loose and free-form-- some don't even use dice!
The difference here is that most people think you need a group to play tabletop games. And if that's the experience you want, that's true. However, clever gamers have made rules and ways to play games by themselves! Some people emulate the person who runs the game using a generator, while others do games more guided by prompts. This latter one is what I'm doing-- it's called a journaling game.
Journaling games have a basic core of the idea that you / your character journals their experiences as they play (or after, if you don't want to interrupt your flow). Usually the main mechanic is generating prompts off a list using dice or card pulls, but some of these games also include mechanics like ticking boxes off, gathering resources, and making choices.
I'm still trying to figure out what mechanics I want in my game. Obviously there will prompts, but everything else I'm workshopping-- right now I've been gathering data, in the form of looking at other solo games for how they handle their gameplay. Sadly none of the things I've looked at quite fit what I want, but they're useful enough that I've began a design document.
In terms of themes - I want to touch on longing, distance, intimacy (not essentially romantic), and self love/etc. I'm also toying with the concept of a eventual expansion that allows you to play as your F/O, but I need a base game first, so that's just an idea right now.
Anyway, here's what folks have suggested as ideas so far --
- longing yearning etc
- knowing there will never be physicality / hearing their voice / etc
- loving someone you cannot touch/etc
- the self love aspect
- imagines, headcanons, etc
- interacting with f/os source
- community or lack of
- dealing with feeling shame/etc or being picked on/etc for selfshipping
- dealing with jealously/difficulty 'sharing'
- aking things related to your f/o (example: wedding albums)
- easy source eod joy and comfort
- knowing songs and art f/o would like
- finding things that are stressful LESS so because talking about it with f/o would help
- the cute guilty pride of 'I like this character' 'me too I actually self ship with them'
- having a friend who understands when no one else is around (even if they are from media)
- daydreaming
- trying to get yourself to dream about them
- always knowing exactly what to commission someone for
- spending money on f/o related things (merch, other items that remind you of them, comms)
- selfship when the relationship is something you'd never want irl
- using selfship to figure out what you want (in a relationship for example)
- social aspect (assumptions people make, the selfship community)
- dreams about your f/o
- f/os helping against self negativity
- feeling like they're present in your life (and or imagning them with you)
- feeling insecure (bc you can't get confirmation f/o returns/would return feelings)
- freedom of headcanon and making S/Is
- becoming in a way part of another world
- never lacking someone to talk to
- the painful remembrance that f/o is not real and cannot really do X for you (X = have your back, for example)
- self generated serotonin
- becoming familiar with the shape of their face
- getting your daydreaming muscles back up to strength
- analyzing songs through a new lens
- feeling both love and loneliness in the community
- writing letters to your f/o (maybe even writing some 'back' from them?")
- buying clothes to say you stole from them
- feeling your f/o loves you no matter what and will be there for you always
- gaining comfort from your f/o on bad days
- being able to tell f/o anything, from interests others may find weird to traumas and beyond
- f/o helping you overcome anxiety and boosting self esteem
- creating because of your f/o (art writing etc)
- re above: selfship as a creative outlet
- the interplay of selfship and kin
- relating something mundane to your f/o and thus it becomes special
- using your f/o to motivate yourself ('f/o would want me to take care of myself')
- self made f/os aka OC f/os rather than media ones
- seeing your f/o get bashed or misinterpred
- fear of ridicule
- daydreaming but it becomes problematic (ie it interrupts getting important tasks done etc)
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