#that sounds sad but i mean it in a good way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asstrolo · 2 days

Text

astrology observations for sad people

— the signs who I personally believe are really misunderstood by their peers are often capricorns and aquarius because of their saturnian tendencies where they become the mature, bigger person or are aloof of how they're presenting themselves, they always think they know better or people feel very intimidated by their personalities and, because people don't understand them, they alienate them,

— aries and scorpio as they are very intense, over confident people, other's might feel put-off by them, they can be very controlling and have a "I don't care" kind of personality that doesn't usually goes well with others, their ways of always trying to make themselves clear and understood causes the opposite effect, they are often misjudged as villainous or mean,

— geminis are also put in a place of having to know better, not given a chance or space to mess up as they are very intelligent people and show it, others might have big expectations which are often not met since they prefer to do what makes them happy and makes them curious, they tend to over-inflate themselves, or the opposite, and people take their words too seriously or not at all, very polarizing sign.

— a stellium in 4th can be super difficult to deal with, specially if it falls on not easy planets like mars, or saturn, uranus, or pluto. These people are always dragged back to their family issues no matter how much they try to escape, their parents maybe gave them too much responsibilities as little kids or vented to their child without thinking of the consequences, if these people ever decide to have a family they should always consider if they're doing it because they want to or because it is what's expected of them.

— chiron in social signs as gemini, aquarius and libra feel very alienated at all times, having social interactions is a learning experience for them, whether is good or bad, I also notice people usually get obsessed with them? They don't respect these people¡s space or it could be the other way around, to me is a placement where you'll learn to not be socially inept or teach people how to treat you right for some reason?

— saturn IS a complicated planet, it depends on the person's other planets and aspects how they deal with saturn, a person with moon conjuct saturn has a harder time dealing with their emotions than a capricorn moon. Even when the energies are similar, they don't have the same impact.

— now, a person with a capricornian stellium or dominant does deal with the saturn energy much comfortably than a person with sun trine saturn, because they were born with it. I personally believe you accommodate, or your aspects accommodate to you as you grow and evolve as a person.

— a pisces stellium, specially if is on moon or ascendants, is very perceptive to other's opinion on them, not in a superficial way but more on a "does this person thinks i'm being fair or mean?" Let's not forget the sister sign of Pisces is Virgo, so these signs also share the analytical or more neurotic way of seeing the world. A Pisces Rising is very self-aware of how they come off to people or how they are seen, they might not show it or say anything about it, a Pisces mercury might be self-conscious about how they approach others, how their voice sounds or how they come off when talking.

— I do believe leo's have a harder time being appreciated by people, as they devote to other's so easily they could neglect themselves in the process. Is the kind of person who is always looking out for someone to make happy or to make them feel comfortable because is something they want reciprocated. But this is a thing that can happen to fire signs a lot, they can be overbearing or too kind to people that it ends up backfiring on them, they have a very childlike mentally.

— is true what they say, a 12th house stellium in a natal chart makes the person passive and/or too in their own world, they have premonitions in dreams, but I've also seen these individuals have a really hard time with sleep, they have paranormal experiences a lot that some of them are used to it. They can be in some sort of medication, but not all, and not always these people are medicated or doing substances, they have an easier time to have out-of-body experiences, like lucid dreaming or sleep paralysis, these can occur because these people are super sensitive and get easily drained and stressed. Is important they are taking care of their energy at all times, I've met many that have one, two or more 12th house placement where I've found out some other person has been doing some sort of witchcraft on them, or have a big negative energy that this 12th houser sucks accidentally.

— having a mercurial dominant or rising can be super difficult when it comes to feeling, they tend to rationalize everything too much, are easily distracted and indulgent, they are very, very anxious at all times on all situations, even if they show otherwise. they overthink things too much, are the kind to be incredibly self-aware or completely out of touch with themselves.

— the ascendant aspecting negatively the mercury gives the individual speech impediment or a very shy personality, an almost inaudible voice or a raspy one, people with this placement have a harder time getting their thoughts across, or people might misinterpret them.

— keeping the conversation going, mercury negatively aspecting saturn makes a shy and reserved person, someone who, as a kid or a teen, has problems with being heard, or people simply didn't care or asked for this person's opinions, they might had been very codependent on an adult or somebody else to talk or to get to be seen, as they grow older they learn to communicate rather excellently, they might want to treat their shyness or whatever problem they have with unwanted attention or negligence

— neptune in personal houses like the 1st, 7th, 4th or 10th is really tricky. you might ignore gut feelings bout certain individuals, or on the contrary, believe someone is good when they aren't. these people can be their own worst enemies as they are super perceptive of how they come across to others, or how others make them feel.

— neptune in the 1st is common on actors and models and singers, usually on famous people, because they can create a fantasy of how they want people to see them, or act like chameleons around people, this creates a series of identity crisis during their lives.

— neptune in 7th is prone to feel things that really aren't there? they convince themselves somebody hates them or likes them for just one interaction, these individuals are like a sponge in social situations and they take everything somebody tells them to the heart. they also are known to lie a lot to people on behalf of good manners, they like to be liked.

— neptune in 4th house has a really confusing or unclear family situation, they might adopt the role of the parent when they shouldn't, or are treated as a child even as an adult, something in their family, in what they think is normal growing up, isn't. the most likely to stay in a bad situation for many, many years because they don't know any better, or think it's normal.

— neptune in 10th, although it deals with fame and impersonal relationships, to me, is just as fundamental as the houses listed above. they don't see themselves through their own eyes, or feel like they depend on other's perceptions on themselves too much, they are confident, or pretend it really well. these individuals know how to act the part, how to commit to the bit, they never feel that sense of belonging anywhere, because they might show different parts of their personalities to different people

— for me, the hardest moons to have are capricorn, scorpio and virgo.

— capricorn moon is a strictly analytical sign, they don't feel comfortable in the moon as is where the emotions and insecurities shine the most.

— scorpio moon is a very intense sign, as opposite to the Capricorn, they can be super emotional, or completely numb, very extremist and their emotions are black or white, polarizing.

— virgo moon is extremely difficult, they don't like to have to feel things, they like to think and act with precaution and it's hard for them to let their emotions slip, the kind of friend who'd have the most practical advice to all sort of topics, a helpful hand in all situations, but when it comes to them as individuals, they let themselves be too much, their head is always at a thousand percent. From what I've gathered of this moon is that, yes, they are neurotic when it comes to certain things, but completely careless to others, and it's usually to themselves, you won't ever see a Virgo moon misbehave or dress bad, but they can hold a lot of suppressed shame or anger or sadness, like they tie it with a bow in a box and keep it locked.

— lastly, no aspect or moon or sign is bad, they are just more difficult than others, there are people with easy aspects, like sun sextile or trine jupiter, they are prone to idealization and inferiority complexes. it's true that a person that has the harmonious aspects is lazier or gets unmotivated way easier. nothing is really set in stone, you can have a moon conjunct saturn and a cancer mercury in 9th house, your way of expressing yourself is more reserved, but optimistic and even childlike. when it comes to astrology, every single aspect and sign, and house counts to describe a person.

265 notes · View notes

a-dauntless-daffodil · 3 days

Text

Emily: “I’m really sorry Vaggie didn’t feel comfortable coming back here. If there’s anything I can do to change that-”

Charlie: “Probably not! It was kinda a sign of her endless love for me that she visited haven again at all!”

Emily: “Oh! Oh that’s nice!!”

Charlie: “Which I NEVER would have asked her to do anyway, if I’d KNOWN the truth about her history up here!”

Emily: “Right. I’m so sorry about that too, by the-”

Charlie: “I mean, I’m not the kind of girl who askes her girlfriend to go spend an afternoon sitting across from the people who ripped off her wings! And her eye! And left her slumped against a dumpster looking half dead!”

Emily: “A… dumpster?”

Charlie: “Making the woman you love relive all that without even rEALIZING it would be pretty fucked up, wouldn’t it??”

Emily: “V- very.”

Charlie: “IT HYPOTHETICALLY COULD MAKE SOMEONE FEEL KINDA TERRIBLE AFTERWARDS, DON’T YOU THINK?”

Emily: “I’m sure it did!”

Charlie: “H Y P O T H E T I C A L L Y”

Emily: “Could! I could see that, yes, if it HAD happened, that would’ve been…”

Emily: “…”

Emily: “Are you- um, is she, errr.. doing better now?”

Charlie: “SO much better she’s doing SO great these days!!!!”

IN HELL

Vaggie: (lying face down on the hotel lobby floor) “I promise I won’t stop helping you morons when she dumps me. I won’t let her dream die just because I was dumb enough to think I could be part of it.”

Angel Dust: “That’s nice toots.”

Vaggie: “Thanks.”

Angel Dust: “Not sad or stupidly gay or anythin’.”

Vaggie: “Thanks.”

Cherri Bomb: “Sad? Angie, it’s perfect!” (takes picture) “I’ve been thinking this place could use a new rug…”

Niffty: (stepping on vaggie) “Squishy!”

Husk: “Get the fuck off her.” (at vaggie) “You, get the fuck UP.”

Vaggie: “Why.”

Alastor: “Hmmm, because this is PAINFULLY pathetic to watch, even for me?”

Vaggie: “Guess I’ll be here forever then.”

Angel Dust: “Vag-GAY c’mon, ya girlfirend’s not gonna dump ya. What’s the competition even!?”

Vaggie: “There’s an angel up in heaven who's helping Charlie work towards her life long dreams as we speak, and she's taller than me, got more wings than me, not as stabby as me, and also not a mass murderer or a liar or missing an eye.”

Cherri Bomb: "Hey!"

Vaggie: "No offence to the other one-eyed ladies here, but it's different when you've got a fucked up empty eye socket."

Niffty: (sighs dreamily) "I bet losing it hurt soooo baaaaad..."

Vaggie: "Never telling my girlfriend why I'd actually lost it or how it made me look like the deranged murder angel I was, even while she tried kissing it better for me, ended up hurting way worse."

Angel Dust: “That's a point….”

Angel Dust: “...alright, so Charlie’s PROBABLY not gonna dump ya-”

Niffty: “Oh that’s a weird sound!” (giggling) (bounces on vaggie) “I think she’s dying~”

Husk: “If you fucks kill her, I’m telling her demon princess girlfriend and pouring myself a drink to go with your fucking tormented howls.”

Vaggie: (muffled) “what if she’s my ex-girlfriend”

Husk: “…I’ll pour you a fucking drink and listen to your tormented howls.”

Niffty: “ME TOO I’LL LISTEN TOO!”

Alastor: “Dear one, perhaps if you were NOT standing on her skull and compressing her WRETCHED cries into the floor, we could be hearing them already.”

Niffty: “Whoops~ Heheheeh~”

Cherri Bomb: (recording it) “Damn, that groan’s been going on for ages… Bitch has some lung capacity on her.”

Angel Dust: “Point one for Vag-gay! Probs as good eating out as ya are at HOLDING out on ya girl!!!”

Vaggie: “uuuughhh…uaauuugghhaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaahhhhrrrgh..” (whimpers)

Niffty: “Okay.” (GIGGLES) “NOW she’s dying~” (bounces)

IN HEAVEN

Charlie: “Everything’s totally fine I have NO idea why you’d even ASK!”

Emily: “You’ve spent the entire time up here staring at pictures of Vaggie on your phone?”

Charlie: “I’m allowed to look at my girlfriend!”

Emily: “While crying and sniffling into your sleeve?”

Charlie: (sobbing) (desperately patting down her jacket) “SHE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHICH OF MY POCKETS HAS THE HANDKERCHIEF IN IT, OKAY??”

Emily: (smiling) “I think you two are going to be just fine.”

Charlie: (BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY INTO JACKET SLEEVE, which catches on FIRE)

Emily: “…..not your clothes, though. You might need a new set of those.”

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #chaggie #emily hazbin hotel #vaggie #angel dust hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #niffty hazbin hotel #cherri bomb hazbin hotel #incorrect quotes #silly nonsense #charlie comes home without her suit jacket and vaggie literally faints thinking she's given to some other angel #charlie does not get why everyone is happy to hear she burnt her own jacket off on accident #while trying and failing to find her special demon-sneeze proof handkerchief #which vaggie (once conscious again) pulls out of her own blouse #bc remember babe- we figured out you kept mistaking it for part of your pocket lining? no matter which pocket we put it in???#so vaggie just started carrying one for her instead #it immediately comes in useful again #emily watches cherri's livestream of this via pentious's phone and CHEERS #while sTILL covered in the ashes and soot of charlie's former jacket #negotiations with heaven are going great #chaggie has a fanpage up there now and everything

252 notes · View notes

hanniebaeee · 2 days

Text

Cherish

Husband Hyunjin x fem!reader

Warning: Smut MDNI

Genre: Fluff/Smut

Summary: Hyunjin doesn't understand what it's like for you - being a stay at home mum for your twin daughters. Until he does.

You get your babies ready as Hyunjin silently takes some bags to the car. You help your husband buckle them up in their car seats and he turns to you, looking miserable.

'Baby, all this over a silly argument?' He asked, making a sad face. 'Can't we just go together? It'll be a good chance for us to all spend time together.'

'Hyunjin.' You say, and he stops at the warning flashing in your tone. 'You know why we're doing this. You said I'm having such an easy time. So yeah, I just want you to have an easy time with your 2-year-old daughters. What's wrong with that?'

He sighed.

'I'm so sorry, jagiya.' He pleads. 'I was an idiot. I was stressed and angry. I just took it all out on you. It's not an excuse, I know. Please, how can I fix this?'

'By taking Mia and Ara on this trip. Spend time with them.' You said, voice stern.

'Promise me, if I do this we'll be ok. Promise me that.' He said, taking your hand and placing it against his chest.

His heart was racing. He was anxious.

'I need you to understand, Hyunjin.' You say. 'This is not a punishment, ok?'

He nods, kissing you hand and then pulling you closer to kiss your lips.

'I love you.' He said, his hold on you is tight.

You nod and feel your heart sink as you look at your girls.

'Say it. Say it back.' He said and you could hear how desperate he sounded. He was afraid that you'd be gone when he got back. He was afraid to lose you.

'I love you, Hyunjinnie.' You whisper and he stays still for a minute before removing himself from you forcefully and walking to the driver's seat. You take this time to kiss your babies and tell them to be nice to daddy.

Tears sting your eyes as you watch your husband drive away. Going back to the house, you sit and cry. You couldn't help but think that you were being a bit unreasonable with him. This was all over a stupid fight that happened when his parents were over.

It was understandable that he was exhausted after a day full of practice and things, but it gave him no right to call you lazy and 'lucky to be at home all day'. You had never seen his mum so mad before. She snapped and scolded him in Korean - you were still at the basics, so you didn't really understand what she was saying. But her tone suggested the content quite well.

Hyunjin was in tears and he walked away, skipping dinner and you felt terrible for the entire thing.

His mum called you a while after he left to see if everything was ok.

'I still feel like this was a mistake.' You say sadly. 'I mean, I know that he didn't mean what he said.'

'He needs to understand what you do for him and babies, Y/N. Sweetheart, you spend the entire day home with your kids. You don't get a break at all. You don't complain so he doesn't know how you feel. I know this will be a good opportunity for him to learn what it's like to take care of two little children all on his own. You'll thank me for this. Ok? Now, stop brooding and go spend time with your friends. You deserve this break.' His mum said.

You speak for some more time before you hang up and decide to call your best friend, Jisoo. You plan things for the weekend and though you miss Hyunjin and the girls, you have a good time with Jisoo. You realize how much you have missed this.

Hyunjin sent you pictures of them playing and having a good time at the cute Airbnb they had rented next to a woodland. He seemed to be doing ok, and you were glad. What you didn't know was that Hyunjin was a tearful mess - he had no idea what he was doing even though you had given him instructions for literally everything. The babies were a handful and he felt so ashamed of himself for the way he spoke to you.

It was around 10:45 pm when you decided to go to bed. You had showered and done your bedtime routines before finally settling down under the duvet. It was raining heavily and you were a bit worried about Hyunjin's long drive back home the next morning. He was planning to start early in the morning, but if it continued to rain, he would have to wait it out before driving.

You tried to push these thoughts out of your mind and concentrate on your book when you heard your doorbell. You wondered who it could be this late and in this weather. Just then, your phone rang. You saw Hyunjin's name on the screen and quickly pick up.

'Hey, baby, open the door.' He said and you could hear his fast breaths.

'You're here? In this weather?!' You ask, running to get the door.

You yank the door open only to see him, drenched and shivering.

'Oh my God! What happened?! Where are the girls?!' You ask, looking behind him and then back at him, worried.

He stepped in quickly and closed the door behind you.

'Hyunjin! What's going on?' You ask, way too afraid now.

'Y/N, I dropped them off with my mum.' He said, taking off his wet jacket and dropping it on the floor. Water dripped from this long hair, and some drops slid down is face and neck. He takes his shoes off next and then his socks and leaves them on the side as well.

'Oh?' You said, and nod. 'Ok... but why?'

'I... I just wanted to be with you.' He said softly. 'Alone.'

You nod again, cheeks warming up and heartbeat picking up the pace. It's been a while since you felt this way. He kept looking at you, now running a hand over his face to wipe away some of the moisture.

'You should change. You'll catch a cold or some-' Hyunjin just stepped forward and pressed his lips to yours. Arms around you, he kissed you nice and deep. His tongue slipped into your mouth, and he moaned softly, tilting his head for a better angle.

You pulled back to breathe and he just looked at you with so much love, you felt really - nice.

'Is everything ok?' You ask and he nods. Then he scoops you up in arms, one hand around your waist and the other under your knees. You arms go around his neck and you squeal in surprise.

'Hyunjin!' You say, giving him a wide eyed look. He just smiles and starts climbing the stairs, up to your bedroom. Once there, he places you slowly to the edge of the bed and kneels down in front of you.

'I'm so sorry, jagiya.' He says, sadly. 'I'm so sorry for being an asshole and saying all those things to you.'

'It's alright Jinnie.' You say, cupping his face with your hands. 'I'm not mad.'

'You should be, though. I'm so ashamed of myself. I mean, I can't believe it didn't occur to me the kind of effort you put into our family every single day. Mia and Ara, they're amazing and it's because of you.'

'Baby, we're both good parents.' You try to reason with him.

But he shakes his head and says, 'I didn't teach them to brush their teeth or put on their shoes or eat on their own. You did. All alone. Damn, they can identify all the dinosaurs. I don't think I can pronounce one name right. How did you do all that? These two days - all I could think of was how proud I am of you. I'm so damn proud to say you're mine and of everything you've done for the babies.'

'I also realized how hard it is to look after two toddlers. They drove me up the wall in less than two hours since we reached the cottage. I mean, I don't even know how you do it. I don't know how.' He continued with a smile.

You realize you were crying only when Hyunjin reaches out and wipes the tears off your cheeks. 'I love you so much and I promise I'll never disrespect you ever again. If I do, I want you to divorce me. 'Coz seriously-'

'I'm not going to divorce you, Hyunjin.' You said with a laugh. 'I love you way too much for that.'

'I love you way too much too.' Hyunjin said, and ran his fingers through his damp hair.

You get up from the bed to get a towel and dry his hair. He sat with his head on your lap as you did so. Once done, he stood up and started stripping. You sat still, blushing and unable to look at him as discarded his clothes and stepped closer to you.

'You know what else I realized?' He asked, moving you to the middle of the bed.

'What?' You ask.

He hovers over you, and says, 'That you're so fucking hot. You carried my babies inside you. You brought them into this world. And you're doing such a good job being their mum and being my... everything. I don't think I would still be doing what I love if it weren't for you, taking a step back for us all.'

And you realize how much you've been craving his appreciation. You sob as he says sweet things to you and then he's on top of you, kissing you like he's never had a chance to do so before. His hands brush along your thighs and he lifts your night dress up and over your head, tossing it aside. He kisses your neck and collarbone, while he discards all of your clothes.

He takes his time with you, worshiping your body and pleasuring you with his mouth and fingers before finally you've had enough and told him that you wanted him.

He didn't need to be told more than once and he was in you, in the blink of an eye. Soft words of love and sounds of passion filled the room. You whined as he picked up pace, going a bit faster, his own body nearing it's high. He kissed you over and over again, and finally you came - shaking and gripping on to him tightly. You were clearly overstimulated and you shiver as he goes faster, chasing his own orgasm.

He pressed his face to your neck as he came, his soft groan giving you goosebumps.

'Oh my god, I missed you so much. I missed us.' He mumbled, nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

'I missed you too Jinnie' you whisper, turning your face to kiss him again.

You both stay tangled in each other and the sheets for a while before showering together and going to sleep.

Your side of the bed was empty when Hyunjin opened his eyes. With a whine, he got up and pulled on a pair of sweatpants before walking downstairs to the kitchen. He could hear your voice and you were laughing at something. His eyes are barely open as he steps into the kitchen and sees you standing by the hob, cooking. There is a glow on your face and he smiles seeing it.

He comes behind you and gives you a back hug, kissing you neck lovingly.

'Hyunjin!' You hiss, trying to step away and that's when he heard a little voice saying, 'Dada!'

He jumps back and turns around to see his mum looking at him with the most bored expression on her face.

'Oh my God! What are you doing here?!' He asked, trying to cover his bare chest.

'I brought the kids home.' She said pointing at the said kids.

'I thought I said we'll let you know the time?' He said, blushing.

'Hyunjin, don't be rude!' You say, slapping his hand.

'Their mum called and wanted them back. What am I to say?' His mum said with a shrug. 'So I brought them in, even though she said she'd come and get them. Now, please go wear a shirt.'

Hyunjin just huffs in annoyance before walking out of the room.

'I'm so sorry for that.' You say, hoping you weren't blushing too much.

The older woman just smiled at you.

'I just want to see you both happy.' She said. 'I told you it'll work.'

And she looked so smug, you had to laugh. Hyunjin came back with a shirt on and saw you both laughing.

'What's so funny?' He asked and his mum said, 'Mind your own business, boy.'

'That's not very nice.' Hyunjin said, going and picking up his daughters - one in each hand. But he was genuinely so happy to see all his girls happy and smiling.

Especially, you.

a/n: Hyunjin's mum is the star of the show. Ok bye.

238 notes · View notes

silken-moonlight · 3 days

Text

Older Alpha x Human waitress/ The Elegence Series Part 8

A/N: Since I will be working for the next couple days, I have a shorter new chapter for you guys today. I like this one a lot.

[Your POV]

The booth the three of you sat in was comfortable, with three armchairs and some very old and torn carpet beneath your shoes. Nick's Cave had several booths like this where you could sit and talk. The dance floor was on the other side of the room, so there was enough space between the two areas.

Desmond looked a little out of place in his dress shirt and pants, as if he had been dragged along. The old armchairs and relatively cheap drinks seemed out of place for him. You realized once again how handsome and attractive he was. Your eyes roamed his face as he listened to his brother. The slightest smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and the gaze in his eyes when he watched his brother was filled with affection. His blue eyes showed genuine interest in his brother. His beard looked well-kept and soft...for a moment, you imagined what it would be like to kiss him. You tried to think of something else, blushing and quickly looking away from him. Sipping from your cocktail instead.

"Dad never changed. He is still an asshole, I keep him out of all decisions. While I value and respect his experience, his ways are neither modern nor as effective as they could be." Desmond told Will, who listened. "You know, I never thought I would say this, but I agree with you. What you're doing with the pack actually sounds good." Desmond smiled again; he did it more often these days.

"Thank you, Will. I appreciate your words. I strive to make it a good pack." His gaze went to you, and you gave him a coy smile, still thinking about your little daydream of kissing him.

"She has a great relationship with her parents,” Will told Desmond. “She still has daddy issues, so you have a chance, Des.” “Will!” you exclaimed, throwing your napkin at him and blushing extremely. Unable to meet Desmond’s eyes, you could hear him chuckle. It was a deep, rich sound. By the moon, was this all embarrassing for you right now? “Oh, come on, my brother’s a catch,” Will teased both of you.

You lifted your gaze from the ground to Desmond. He looked at you with a smile. "No need to be shy, sweetheart. He just wants to tease us." You laughed nervously and nodded, sipping again from your drink. At this rate, you would be tipsy in the next ten minutes. Maybe you... could shut up Will by then.

You dealt with the alcohol in your system. You felt a little bold and a little curious. "What position do you have in your pack?" you asked Desmond. His eyes were filled with smugness when he answered, "I am the alpha of my pack." You knew that; you just wanted to open the conversation somehow. "And how is that? It must be stressful, doesn't it?"

"At times, yes. These days, it's a lot of paperwork and a lot of responsibility. A lot of politics, too. You have to balance your private life and your position as a leader. My life lacks a partner, my mate, so I spend most of the time more as an Alpha than an individual." There was a strange tug in your chest; you wanted to comfort him. "I rarely take the time for myself to relax unless I'm at my lake house," he added while you listened. "That sounds...lonely." This earned you a sad smile. "I'm used to it, darling. Sometimes we have to sacrifice everything so others can live better." You smiled with a touch of sadness. "I absolutely understand what you mean. We give what we can give and take the little we deserve."

"Still...there are also good sides. Many, no, plenty. I believe you would like my pack and where most of our pack lives," Desmond said while sipping his whiskey. You were all interested now. "Tell me about it." Desmond's smile grew wider. "We live up in the Starfall mountains. We've got a little village where we do everything from. That's where most of the pack lives. We also have many pack members outside of the village. Many study, live somewhere else, or have other reasons." He explained further and leaned towards you. He smelled so good, you wanted Nothing more than to bury your nose in his neck and stay there.

You stopped yourself at that thought. Gods, you were such a creep, you told yourself. Still, you leaned in as well, your shoulders touching as he pulled out his phone to show you some pictures of the pack and the region.

"It looks so peaceful there." You heard yourself say. "Are humans allowed there? I know some werewolf communities do not like humans to be around." You asked and looked up at him. You could get lost in those eyes. Maybe you imagined it, but you could see the sky of the Starfall mountains. Maybe even the surface of lakes on rainy days. Thunderstorm eyes, with yearning in their gaze, your breath was caught. What had he seen? What had he felt? What made him, him?

You realized that there was silence between the two of you, his gaze still on you. "I am so sorry...When I'm tipsy I get lost in details and I admired your eyes." Desmond chuckled and answered, "No worries, Darling, but be careful with looking so intensely into the eyes of a wolf. They can interpret it very differently...." His voice was almost a purr, and you felt yourself blushing again.

"Oh my gods, get a room, you animals!" Will said and laughed so hard that he began to hiccup, and tears were slipping out of his eyes. You looked away, embarrassed not only by yourself but also by the comment of your best friend.

146 notes · View notes

love-note-musings · 2 days

Note

For the Emoji drabble!

🏹 + Leviathan ??

Have a good day! ^^

╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ Obey Me! Leviathan x Reader

from this emoji prompt list: 🏹 | waking up from a nightmare

✩₊˚.⋆please ignore that this literally was sitting in my drafts for literal years lmao☾⋆⁺₊✧

Envy does as envy knows best. It festers, becomes symptomatic, viral, and infectious. Left untreated, it can leave a nasty scar where there’s supposed to be something tender. And Levi, out of all people, knows this the best. He’s the most infected out of them all.

He couldn’t escape the sensation that he was the worst choice for you even during sleep. The idea that you had merely settled for him out of pity clung onto him like a leech, regardless of the assurances you offered him. Levi knew that constantly reaffirming him was tiring, he knew that it was annoying, but he couldn’t shake this lurching feeling off of him.

Dreams lived to affirm his fears. He could have forgiven you for cheating, why wouldn’t you? He could have forgiven you for falling out of love, for choosing someone else—in fact, he expected it. Out of everything, he could have forgiven you for almost everything you could throw his way if it meant he could stay by your side a little while longer. So, while the amalgamation of his fears constructed itself in front of him, Levi had already forgiven you.

There was a red tint on your face as your brows furrowed, eyes barreling down onto his figure. Hurling insult after insult all the while yelling at the top of your lungs, Levi could only look up at you as if you were a god, listening as you affirmed all of the negative thoughts he had about himself. If you out of all people could see it, then it must be true, right? When he could see how happy and joyful you looked with others, he couldn’t help but compare the smile you gave to him versus the one you gave to your friends.

Levi didn’t notice that he had woken up with tears staining the corners of his eyes, or how they dripped down off his cheek and onto the pillow beneath his head. All he could feel was the gapping feeling inside his chest and the way his lungs stung. He didn’t notice that he was heaving until you placed your hand on his chest.

“Shh, I got you,” you assured while sitting him up on your bed. using your thumb you wiped off some of the tears flooding his face and pulled him close.

He was hesitant even as he felt your arms holding him. Slowly, he crumbled into your embrace, resting his head against your chest so he could feel your heartbeat. His arms shakily held onto you while he hid his tear stained face. You offered him such comfort and softness even when his own subconscious gave him none.

“What kind of nightmare has gotten you so sad, dear?”

Levi found it hard to explain to you something so otherworldly, something so contrary to your demeanor. A nightmare - because that’s all it was. And because you weren’t the amalgamation he constructed in his mind. You weren’t some cruel human who would pluck at his heartstrings and drag them along like a dog on the leash. This was the real you. Your arms were warm, your gaze was soft. In the moment, it felt silly to even imagine you as some sort of poised bully.

Yet, that image always came back as some sort of lurking insecurity. You had certainly done nothing to give him such vivid fears. More importantly, how could he explain this to you all in the dead of night?

"Can you just. . I mean, we can talk about it later. Can you just hold me, like this, for now?" Levi managed to stutter out while he willed to calm his beating heart.

All you did was smile at him. "Yeah, of course, Levi. You want me to put on a show for background noise while you go back to sleep?"

"Sounds good." He answered, more than content to stay right here with you.

Neither of you even seemed to notice that most of your blankets and pillows had already been kicked off the bed.

41 notes · View notes

ticklygiggles · 3 days

Text

A hardworking kohai | Aiichirou Nitori, Yamazaki Sousuke & Matsuoka Rin

A/N: Another one for always wonderful and amazing Max (@wertzunge) THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAAAX. It has been a HOT minute since I wrote something for Free! So nostalgic! ❤️ I hope you enjoy this one Max! ❤️❤️

Summary: Nitori lost a very important competition, but he'll learn that his senpai will always be there for him!

Words: 1k+

Don't. Cry. Do not cry!

Nitori pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes to stop the tears burning in the corners of his eyes. He couldn't stand himself at that moment. He was angry, sad, disappointed and with a lot of emotions that almost made him go crazy. He had been beating himself since yesterday afternoon. He hadn't left his room, not even for dinner or breakfast… if only he had been a little faster, just a couple of seconds faster– he would have definitely won, but he had come in an embarrassing second place. Nitori trained so much, harder than anyone, spending his free time practicing over and over again, but what did it get him? Nothing. All that time, all that tiredness, fear and anxiety for nothing.

One hundred meters wasn't that big of a deal, so how was it possible that he had failed so horribly? He made a fool of himself in front of his senpais… They must really be disappointed in him. Nitori didn't have the face to look them in the eye, so he thought the best thing would be to miss some of his practices, what was the worst that could happen? Getting expelled? Either way, at that moment he didn't think he was that good at swimming anymore. He couldn't even win a stupid hundred meter race.

“Stop crying!” He growled, wiping a couple of tears damping his eyelashes. “I'm such a fool.”

“Ai?” Nitori raised his head when he heard two knocks on the door. “May I come in?”

“Isn't it your room too?”

“... Sousuke…,” Rin said awkwardly before clearing his throat, speaking a little louder for Nitori to hear him. “Ai, we're coming in, okay?”

Nitori choked on a gasp and he curled tighter on himself under the blanket. It was Rin-senpai and Yamazaki-senpai! Nitori didn't want to see them, he felt so ashamed. Rin was always there to support him and Sousuke helped him train, Nitori had failed them. He made them waste their time on him. He simply couldn't look at them.

When he heard the door opening, he nearly held his breath, not daring to move a muscle, wanting to make them think he was sleeping.

I want to die. He whined deep inside him, but refused to move.

“Ai, training is about to start, are you not coming?”

Nitori really wanted to look like he was asleep, but he couldn't resist answering his senpai. “I… I don't think I can train right now, Rin-senpai… I don't feel too good.” His voice was muffled under the blanket and his toes curled, hoping they would leave.

“Ai, you did very well,” Rin continued and more tears filled Nitori’s eyes, he didn't want to hear that from him. He'd rather hear Rin yelling at him and telling him he was useless. “It happens, you know? You sometimes win and sometimes don't.”

“That's not very helpful, Rin.”

“Sousuke!”

Sousuke sighed deeply and Ai felt his heart racing within his chest. “What Rin's trying to say, Nitori, is that no matter how hard we work, how hard we train and try, sometimes it's not enough-”

“That sounds even more terrible!”

“Shut it and listen… but that doesn't mean that we're not good at what we're doing, it just means that you just gotta push yourself a little harder and then, you'll see all of that hard work will not be in vain. That's just how things are, don't you think?”

Small bitter tears fell down Nitori's cheeks. He really wanted to win that competition. It's true that he still had a year left before leaving high school, but he already felt the weight of time on his shoulders. Would he one day be as amazing as Rin and Sousuke? Nitori doubted it and was terrified that he would never make it. He didn't have much time left to practice, when was all his effort going to be enough?

“Ai?” Rin asked softly, his hand patting Nitori's back as his sobs seemed to echo throughout the school. “Sousuke gave you some amazing words there, didn't he?” Nitori nodded, but he wasn't sure they were able to tell he did so under the blanket. “Don't beat yourself like this. You haven't eaten anything and you didn't go to class today. You did so good, Nitori.”

“You definitely were so much cooler than Rin back in time.”

“Oi. I was pretty cool. Just like Ai.”

“C’mon, Nitori. We still need to train. You're about to break your own record, remember?”

Nitori was starting to feel guilty and even more ashamed than before. Sousuke's words had really resonated in his heart and knowing that they didn't really hate him after all made him feel overwhelmed. Now, he definitely didn't want to stick his head out from under the blanket, so he curled on himself even more, his crying stopping.

“Ai? Do you feel any better?” Nitori nodded a bit. He felt better somehow. “Then, would you come out from down there?” He shook his head, he was still too embarrassed to look at them. “Ai…”

The room fell silent and Nitori was sure they would both leave. After that conversation he felt a little calmer, but he still didn't feel completely good enough to face them and–

“Eek!” Nitori squealed loudly, his whole leg jolting when he felt fingers wiggling against one of his socked feet.

“Oh? Did you see that, Sousuke-kun~?”

Nitori gasped, pressing his hands over his mouth.

“You're insufferable," Sousuke said, but Nitori could hear a smile on his lips.

“What do you mean~?”

Nitori had no time for anything at all; in seconds, strong, firm hands were closing around his ankles and light fingers started to wiggled up and down both his soles. Ai exploded in loud giggles, pulling at his trapped feet and curling his toes.

“Thahat tihickles!” Nitori said, finally emerging from under the blanket to look at his mean senpais tickling his feet. Each one grabbing one of his feet, Sousuke scratching at the skin under Nitori's toes while Rin skittered his blunt nails against his arch.

“Oh, look at him, Sousuke! He finally came out!” Rin said with a huge grin on his lips. “He just needed a little bit of encouragement!”

Sousuke chucked, “it seems like so. It's good to see you again, Nitori. Are you ready to get out of here?”

Nitori shook his head, the tickling barely left him room to think about something else that wasn't that electrifying sensation. He laughed, squirming from side to side and desperately pulling at his legs.

“N-Nohoho, plehehease! S-Stohohop!”

“Did you hear that, Rin?” Sousuke asked, making Nitori shriek when he found out that his little toe was exceptionally sensitive and he scratched intently at the stem.

“Oh I did,” Rin answered with a nod, his fingers focusing on the ball of Nitori's foot, making him scrunch his sole. “Ai clearly said that he needs more tickles to get convinced that he did super well in his competition!”

“Mhmm. That's exactly what he said.”

Nitori squeezed his eyes shut, laughing and squirming in the limited space of the bed. They were trying to kill him, definitely!

“Y-Yahahamazakihi-sehenpahai, plehease! Not theHEre!" He begged, curling his toes as hard as he could, feeling like his calf was going to get a cramp.

“Huh?! Sousuke is making you laugh more? Not possible!” Rin said and Nitori squeaked when he pulled his sock off, his toes spread, feeling the cold air on his heated skin. “I'm definitely better at this. I have a little sister.”

Poor Gou-san! Nitori thought as he banged his fist against the bed once Rin’s fingernails skittered across his bare foot. He scratched at the pinkish skin, as if he wanted to find something underneath. Nitori would like to cry out that it hurt, but it didn't! It almost felt like Rin wasn't even touching his sole as he tickled him viciously.

“RiHIhin-senpaHAHAI! N-No m-mohOHOre!”

“Hehe, you see? I'm way better than-”

“AHAHAHA! N-Not there! Not thehehere, plehehease!”

Nitori nearly banged his head against the bed rail when his other sock had also disappeared and Sousuke’s blunt nails scratched that very tender spot on the side of his big toe, around the slightly protruding bone.

“Were you saying, Rin-san?” Sousuke teased and Nitori trashed desperately, tears of laughter running down his cheeks.

With a soft growl, Rin pulled Nitori’s toes back to make the skin taut and his fingers wiggled right in the middle of his foot, making Nitori cackle hysterically.

“N-NO MOHORE, plehease!” Nitori begged, pulling at his legs. “It's tohohoo tihihicklish!”

“Okay, but who's better at it? Me or Sousuke?” Rin asked with a big grin on his lips and Nitori could only shake his head.

“Quickly, Nitori. We need to know right now.”

Nitori couldn't speak! His laughter only increased in desperation the more they tickled him, panicking at the thought of them never stopping, somehow. To say who was the best at tickling him? They both tickled him terribly badly!

Nitori didn't know if he was the one that could free himself or if they let him off the hook, but he pulled at his feet and he could finally hide them under the blanket. He sat up, breathing heavily and wiping his tears as he pointed at them.

“Y-Yohou both, s-suhuck so bahad!” He gasped out, his cheeks adorably pink and wet and his lips stretching in a big, big smile.

He should have known what he was getting into by saying those words, but he didn't even have time to regret it before having his two senpais on him. Four hands sneaked under his shirt, a pair latched to his sides, squeezing at his flesh. The other pair clawed at his tummy, even dipping a finger into his navel.

Nitori shrieked, laughing brightly as he tried to fight those hands off. His legs kicked wildly behind Rin and Sousuke. He couldn't remember the last time he was tickled like this– perhaps since he was a child. Those mean hands didn't leave even a small piece of skin untickled, the sensitive skin between his ribs and hips was squeezed, lightly caressed, poked and prodded by Sousuke until the tickling settled against that soft and hyper ticklish spot right underneath his ribcage.

Meanwhile, Rin vibrated his fingers against Nitori's tummy, clawed at it, squeezed it and poked repeatedly until he found a horrible ticklish place against Nitori's lower tummy, right under his belly button and between his hips bones.

Nitori was in hysterics, crying and laughing and having the fun of his life. He didn't remember how fun being tickled was! It felt nice to just laugh freely like this, his brain couldn't focus on anything else beside the tickling, so there were no intrusive thoughts making him feel depressed and anxious… but he was getting a bit tired.

“I'm s-sorry! I'm sohohorry! Ahahaha! Plehease!”

The tickling stopped and Nitori barely had time to catch his breath before he was trapped between Rin and Sousuke, their strong arms wrapping around him in a right hug. Nitori flushed, becoming stiff.

“W-W-W-What?!”

“You did so well in that competition, Nitori,” Sousuke mumbled at his right.

“That's right. We're very proud of you, Ai!” Rin said, gently patting Nitori's back.

Nitori's wet eyes filled with tears again and he just couldn't help but hug Rin and Sousuke back, sobbing a little.

“Thank you both very much!" He said in tears. "I promise you that I will try harder and harder!!”

Rin and Sousuke laughed happily and Nitori squealed when they started tickling his sides again, forcing out giggles out of him as he tried to keep hugging them.

"You haven't said who's better at tickling, though! It's obviously me!"

"Nope. It is me."

"STAHAHAP!"

It was really nice to know that his senpai appreciated him so much, Nitori would really continue to do his best so that they would always feel proud of him!

#free!#free! tickling #nitori aiichirou #yamazaki sousuke #matsuoka rin #ticklish!nitori #tickle fic #tickling #mia's commissions #commisions

49 notes · View notes

ava451 · 2 days

Note

Hiii! What do you think about Sloan with a s/o that works as a veterinarian and has an easier time interacting with animals rather than people due to their social anxiety?

On the outside they seem so unapproachable and stoic due to that being their resting face but often times they're just nervous...they always give the softest looks to their patients though!

I'll tell you EXACTLY what I think about that.

I think that Sloan is very good with people who have social anxiety because they chatter non-stop. There is never awkward silence with them, they talk for the both of you if you really can't get a word out. And they smile all the time and laugh, which is so contagious that you can't help but chuckle a bit too.

That being said, they probably think you need to lighten up because of your resting ":/"-face! It's their life's mission now. Even if you aren't even grumpy or anything, they like to see you smile, so get ready for really stupid jokes and getting memes shoved in your face constantly.

Maybe first... some words on how you two have met. I can't really see Sloan having a pet since they're out travelling so much. Who would take care of it? Even if they had somebody, the pet wouldn't even know them because they're working abroad so often. Which is lowkey sad, because Sloan is just the type to get a huge Husky or rescue 5 feral stray cats from the street.

What I can see them doing though is carrying in injured animals they found, be that a bunch of kittens they found abandoned in a trash can, or an injured hawk with a limp wing, or a sick-looking dog, or a whole ass deer with a hurt leg they found on the highway - Sloan definitely has a soft spot for animals of all kinds and their heart would break if they just walked past without taking action. Plus they probably drive some rusty pick-up truck for all their equipment so there's loads 'n loads of space.

They live in Canada, I am so sorry for having to bring moose into this but if they found an injured one on the highway you bet they would try to drag it into their car and get some help.

So it's really no surprise that they would make your acquaintance considering your job, and more importantly, that you two would keep crossing paths.

Maybe you would even work as a veterinarian at these wildlife emergency hotlines that are on duty at night? I think I'll go with this one. Either way, Sloan always explains exactly where they found the patient, and what sounds it made (imitating them too...) and what they did to take care of it until they got here - all throughout you look at them very seriously. I mean, it's nice that you don't have to pull every piece of information out of their nose - talking to strangers is a nightmare after all - but they flail their arms and motion wildly as they talk, meanwhile you stand there stiff as a branch listening- you don't even know what to say, you just nod and turn to your patient, proceeding to examine it gently and carefully and whispering some soothing words to calm it.

You think Sloan leaves? Sloan stays right in that room, even shuffles closer. Starts complimenting how good you are with animals!! It's already so relaxed!! You must be an animal whisperer!! Woowww, where did you learn that? Do you have pets? You must have! Chatter chatter chatter-

Until you need to awkwardly ask them to maybe wait outside, cause - you're so sorry, you don't mean it in a rude way - but the animal is already stressed, and every voice talking is a reason for more stress - not that they're stressful per se, but, you know -

"Oh yeah!! Sure!! I'll wait outside!" (It's 1am at the wildlife refuge? Don't they wanna go home?? No?? No!)

You patch up your patient, which takes quite a while, and when you flex your fingers, heading outside to get some fresh air, maybe smoke a cigarette, get a hot drink, you immediately get jumpscared by Sloan waiting RIGHT OUTSIDE AS THEY SAID THEY WOULD- "Heyyy, how's the patient?"

You can only stare. Then you awkwardly say : "You're still here?" "Oh yeah, of course. Wanted to hear how the little one's doing." "It's doing well." "Good!! Good! You taking a break? Wanna granola bar? I have one - oh this one's expired. ... you still want it?"

You probably won't get left alone for the rest of the night, and better get used to it too, because when they bring in an animal they're sure to stick around. Maybe they hope to get you to speak to THEM in that soft voice you use for your patients, or get one of these soft looks of yours - I'm not saying they daydream about being a poor hurt wolf in your care, being told everything's going to be fine, but that's exactly what I'm saying.

Getting into a relationship with you turns out to be a very long, arduous process, because you can't make or keep eye contact, and every time Sloan invites you to a party (Not going to the club, more like a LAN party with their pals from the Wayfinder Society. There's pizza and beer and Sloan monologuing about how Rome was better off as empire than republic and exactly why Julius Caesar had some mad rizz) you shake your head, apologizing a lot, saying you don't like that sort of stuff. At the same time, Sloan has scruples asking you to go on a hike, just the two of you, because they fear you will think they're going to murder you or abduct you.

Not to mention that they're sometimes gone on a mission for several weeks. And when they come back, your face is all stoic, only your voice wavering a little as you ask them about the trip they've been on. At one point they falter, joking about how they're gonna leave you to your work then... Immediately your head snaps up. "Why?"

"Umm... aren't you busy?"

"Somewhat. But you never leave before sunrise."

Is there some sort of panic in your eyes that you may have done something wrong that they're leaving so early?? Is that a blush on your cheeks?

That's all the encouragement they needed.

"Yeah, nevermind. I'll stay. Since you're gonna miss me so much, hehe."

You don't deny that. You don't deny that!

At one point you confide, while talking about how you got this job, and why you work these night shifts specifically, that your social anxiety would just never let you work 'normal hours' and that animals are much more pleasant than people, aren't they?

"They sure are. Sucks that some bozo keeps tagging after you at work, huh?"

You shrug. "I don't mind you." "Hahah." "No really, I don't." "Sometimes you look a little..." //they pull a face. You chuckle. "That's just my face. Trust me, when I get upset I look different."

It takes maybe half a year of Sloan keeping you company at work before you agree to come over and hang out with them. They're overjoyed!! Finally managed to ask that cute vet out!!

The moment of truth! You arrive at their place ("There's nobody else here, right??" "Nah, just us." "Ok, good." "Sorry. Are you good?" "Yeah. I'd just rather be alone with you. .... wait-" "Awww, SHUCKS!") and they tell you they actually do have a pet... and it's been feeling a little down lately, maybe lack of attention, could you check it out?

"Oh god, Sloan, with all the time you spend abroad- what kind of animal is it??"

"... This is Rosetta."

"........"

"My owner likes you! Hey, Rosetta, keep it shut, what the hell."

God what an idiot. You've already fallen in love.

When you handle Rosetta all cautiously, using your soft voice on it ("Oh, you're just such a pretty rock, are you not? Such a pretty little rock!") Sloan gets a little jealous. "God I wish that were me." "Huh?" "Nothing!"

(Part 2 coming in hot. Stay tuned.)

#venture overwatch #overwatch venture #overwatch 2 #overwatch 2 venture #sloan cameron #sloane cameron #venture x reader #sloan cameron x reader #thanks for requesting this!#vet s/o #social anxiety s/o

33 notes · View notes

spookyscottie · 5 hours

Text

btw SAI was a wonderful, joyous, colorful and fun era and you're all stupid and mean for hating on her like that. SAI didnt do anything wrong, just admit you're full of nothing but hate and edginess. SAI brought us REDECORATE. SAI brought us SO much fun content, amazing tour pics, the backing band, pink haired tyler, the livestream, awesome merch and so so so much more. it's like so weird how so many people hate SAI.. it ties into the storyline, it sounds good as fuck, and sure its different from what they usually do but no artist, regardless of their medium, should feel like they need to stick to one thing all the time. yes, we're used to the usual sad tunes, but isnt it so refreshing to listen to the same man who wrote 'drown' and 'falling too' sing about some happy shit? like. he just wanted to be whimsical and full of joy.. it's not really that deep?? like hating on a FULL album and era is insane to me. could not be me!! SAI haters need to stand in the corner n think about what they did bc nobody's gonna disrespect my baby like that. shes just full of wonder and love, leave her alone.

and the fact that the craving (single) is ... let's be real here .. definitely about SAI era.. like the delivery is just astounding to me. they made it VERY clear that they put so much work and effort into making SAI happen, and they got soooo much backlash about it. causing them to think it was a "miss". it's just so unfortunate to me. I'm not super far up tyler and joshs asses, but damn, I'd feel that way too if most of my fanbase didnt like something I put a lot of effort into for them. thatd hurt me to my core.

moral of the story, ur all dumb and I hate u

#twenty one pilots #tyler joseph #twentyonepilots #josh dun #scaled and icy #scotties yap sessions

21 notes · View notes

a-substantial-trash-pile · 2 days

Text

i love my mom but man does it suck when she starts talking to me about god shit. because it always leads to her trying to guilt trip me into being more religious, saying things like, “it makes your dad and i very sad that you don’t believe in god” and “you’re depressed like this because you don’t talk to god.” when i tell her that choosing not to go to church anymore is one of the few choices in my life that i don’t regret, she gets upset with me. sorry, going to go on a little bit of a rant about family and religion here (specifically catholic/christian), but i’ll stick it below the cut.

usually this convo comes up when my cousin is mentioned, because my mom and my aunt will gush about how my cousin goes to church every sunday. this happened today actually. they ignore the fact that my cousin is still a horribly spoiled, selfish, honestly terrible person who yells at/doesn’t bother to help her physically disabled, sickly mom. my “wonderful church-going” cousin who left to go on a vacation to hawaii with my shit uncle, leaving my aunt alone at home even though she had covid AND had recently broken her back. which led to me having to take 2 weeks off of work at the last minute to go stay with my aunt and take care of her. during those 2 weeks, my “wonderful” 20-something-year-old cousin would repeatedly call my aunt to cry and complain that she wanted to come home because she “didn’t feel good.” and my aunt, laying in bed with her broken back and various other health issues, would baby her. oh, but my cousin goes to church, so that means she’s such a good person! i just don’t get it.

one of the reasons i refuse to go to church anymore is because of this backwards-ass hypocritical way of thinking so many people there seem to have. there’s just this feeling of insincerity to it all where people show up once a week to pat themselves on the back for being “good people”, then gather in the lobby after mass to gossip about the one trans woman who recently joined the congregation (unfortunately this isn’t an example i made up). or later go to the supermarket and yell at an underpaid employee. or go on a hawaii vacation and leave your mom home alone with a broken back.

i attended church from age 1 to age 18. as i grew older, church started to feel more and more suffocating. it got to the point where i was having anxiety attacks during mass. i tried distracting myself with drawing on the pamphlets given out at the front door. and when i was banned from that, i resorted to drawing on my skin, which didn’t last long. i ended up sneaking earbuds in and hiding the wires under my hair and clothes so i could drown out the sounds of church with music. i would just stare at the floor and try to just focusing on breathing, but it was just all too suffocating. i was told that the reason i was feeling and acting this way in church was because “the devil was talking to me.” “the devil” was trying to take me away from church and god, so i needed to stop feeling like this and just pray. that time i started crying in the pew because it all became too much and i felt incredibly overwhelmed? that’s the devil. pray about it. uh, actually, mr. jesus, it was because i have bad social and generalized fuckin anxiety. and also very likely autistic but i haven’t been officially diagnosed until this day. so yeah.

thinking back on it now, it was kind of fucked up. but i don’t blame my parents for how they acted. sometimes i feel a little angry and disappointed about how they handled things, but i don’t blame them. because as i watched kids be baptized, i would hear the priest tell the parents that it was their responsibility to raise their kid to be a good god-fearing person. that it was their responsibility to keep their kid from “straying from the light” and avoiding damnation. i know my parents were told the same thing when i was baptized. that it’ll be their fault if i “stray from the light” and end up getting sent to hell. i just see it as guilt-tripping bullshit. it was my choice to not go to church or follow the religion. i hate that this system has told my parents they should feel guilty about this and that it’s their fault that my soul won’t be saved, because they didn’t “guide me in the lord’s way” good enough. i hate that this system has made me feel like i’ve failed my parents. it’s bullshit.

i’m sure there are churches out there who contain genuinely good, accepting folk. and i’m sure there are people who find comfort in having a religion. i’m glad for them. i’ve just personally have some negative experiences with religion and I’ve learned that it’s just not for me.

i try my best to be a good and kind person. i try really, really hard. i just don’t go to church anymore. the fact that i don’t do this one thing shouldn’t devalue all my efforts.

#trash rants #religious trauma #long post

23 notes · View notes

66sharkteeth · 3 days

Note

Hey man. No offense (genuinely, not sure if theres a bette way to ask this) but why do you care so much about a small handful of fans not understanding a few parts of the story? Yeah it's been explained before but with most if not all works - especially ones with a big audience - there are always people who misunderstand or missed something. Or just have a different opinion coz art can be subjective like that. Not trying to criticize you at all, but just seemed like a good amount of your frustrated rants come from this so, wondering why.

ahaha i literally asked about this on twitter yesterday... asking how i can remind people about events and facts in the story without coming off mean or condescending.

i SWEAR 99% of the time I'm not actually mad at someone just...forgetting or mixing things up, but i've been worried i've been coming off wrong lately so that's precisely why i asked haha. definitely gonna be working on my tone!

if you mean like in my weekly thoughts tho, those are very much kind of just...brain rambles. i know there was one a few weeks ago i was legit kind of mad during...but most of that wasn't even over misunderstandings, it was frustration over people not being able to differentiate their tastes and criticism, like how I get frustrated when people say horror is bad just because...they don't like horror. Like no, it's not bad, it's just not for you. I wanna be able to tell dark stories and it's frustrating when people tell me I'm a bad writer simply because they don't like dark stories. That's the only time in recent memory I've been...legit frustrated haha.

I swear tho, I'm 99% of the time not actually mad in my posts here (regarding misunderstandings) but i know i can get excited and use caps lock a lot which can come off cranky but i swear i'm trying to sound more in the tone of

There's exceptions like the note above and times when people were being incredibly violent and gross to Lyss last season (sorry, I just don't love reading misogynistic comments about how my character deserves a violent death to the point some people legit harassed me about her). but overall, i'm NOT mad and am trying harder to make that clear in my tone.

now... if you mean me getting sad when there's one harsh comment out of 100... sorry, that's just how my brain works ahah. i know i'm definitely not alone in that. it's just a lot easier to remember a bee sting that's still throbbing a few days later than 100 butterflies, no matter how pretty they were.

21 notes · View notes