#that what is disgusting to you isn’t necessarily evil

[nana-au]

JJK Men React to Finding Out You Like Them

G.Satoru, G.Suguru, I.Yuji, F.Megumi

(I got carried away with Gojo's.. mb)

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

G.Satoru: You could not stand him and his stupid, annoying, ugly (undeniably pretty) face.

Shoko and Geto swore you two bickered like an old married couple. The two of you would scoff, sometimes even pushing each other’s shoulders just to remind the other one who was stronger. It was down right childish the way you both interacted with each other. Pinching and hair pulling. Arguing over who was right and wrong, sometimes even arguing against obvious facts just to piss the other one off. You couldn’t stand his pompous attitude and he couldn’t stand the fact you weren’t in awe of him like he believed you should be. He made every hair on your body stand straight just by his voice or the way his figure loomed over you as he teased you. 

“What’s this for?” He mocked, pinching your cheek you dusted with blush. 

“None of your business,” you assured him, attempting to punch him in the gut. He would swiftly dodge it, continuing to mock you. 

“Surely it isn’t for a boyfriend. I feel bad for any guy dumb enough to be interested in you,” his glasses would slide down his nose as he looked over your figure. You didn’t hesitant to tell him to suck a dick, and it didn’t even cross his mind to not tell you that you wished you could suck his. “I’d never let you though,” he assured you and you would huff out a ‘thank God!’. You would attempt to storm off, but he kept body blocking you, and you were adamant on not making bodily contact with the guy. “Where are you going?” he quizzed and you begged him to drop it - that it was none of his business. You were getting really worked up, more so than usual. His assumption wasn’t necessarily wrong, you were trying to leave for your date with a barista from the coffee shop you frequented in Tokyo. “If you won’t tell me, I’ll have to let Sensei know. Can’t have you up to no good.” 

“Then go tell him!” you huffed. You were going to be running late if the asshole in front of you wouldn’t move. “God Gojo, you are so childish,” he only stuck his tongue out at you. You were about to start shaking with anger and against your better judgment you confessed to him. “Fine! It’s a date, make fun of me all you want when I get back,” your chest was heaving and your blood was hot. To your sudden shock, Gojo stepped out of your way wordlessly and watched as you took off out the doors. 

The next few days felt like the Twilight Zone. You did your makeup again and Gojo didn’t even bother to flick your cheeks. When you mentioned to Shoko how nice the weather was, he didn’t argue that it was ‘Just alright’. While Suguru, Gojo, and you were taking turns sparring, he didn’t hide the defeat in his face when you kicked dirt onto him after knocking him on his ass. To you, that was really the last straw. You started to feel evil for continuing your usual antics while he just took it. A few more days went by of you both ignoring each other until one afternoon you were eating lunch with Shoko talking about your date. Geto and Gojo took their usual seats across from you as you both discussed what transpired. “Maybe he doesn’t want to sound needy,” she said when you mentioned he hadn’t texted you back still. 

“He probably thinks you're ugly,” Gojo said nonchalantly. It was the first sentence he had spoken to you in days and you had to keep your jaw from dropping to the floor. You weren’t even sure if he really spoke or if you imagined it. Perhaps your brain was filling in the words you wanted to hear from him. Not that you wanted him to call you ugly per se, but the silence from him was worse than the insults. 

“So he talks.” His eyes rolled cartoonishly at your words. He stuck a spoonful of rice in his mouth before talking,

“Giv-up,” he mumbled, some rice spilling out of his mouth. Your face contorted with disgust. He swallowed, continuing, “You're unlikeable”.

“Yeah ‘cause you’re so likable yourself,” you scoff. He continued eating and the table dropped it, all choosing to change the topic. 

Honestly, you were sure that would be your last conversation with Gojo. You went about your days without his obnoxious presence. You went on another date and were getting fairly close with your favorite barista, even inviting him to meet Shoko. You all agreed to meet up at his cafe and you were awed as he described to you the drinks he made you two. You sipped them and listened as he rambled on about the ristretto shots and the milk foam. Shoko grew bored quickly, but she was happy you were happy. 

The bell attached to the door chimed, and the blood in your face drained, leaving you sickly pale. Gojo waved to you, pointing out to Geto where the three of you sat and dragged him along. “What is he doing here?” you frantically asked Shoko. She covered her face to hide her amusement, she had to give it to him, he was about to make this deathly boring conversation into an incredibly entertaining one. 

“Since when do you drink coffee?” Gojo asked you, pulling up a chair and sitting next to you. “I thought caffeine made you sick?” he pouted at you, pulling away the latte. He wasn’t wrong, you did tend to feel unwell after having caffeine, but since when did he care? 

“I can handle myself, Gojo,” you spat. Gojo ignored you, taking two big gulps from the mug and finishing it then and there. 

“Wow you made this?” he asked the guy. He nodded, looking incredibly confused. “Tastes like shit.” With a quickness you were out of your chair and pulling Gojo by the collar of his button down. “Be right back,” he snickered to the barista as you dragged him out the door. 

“What is your problem?” You begged. He looked shocked, telling you him and Geto were just walking by when he saw you and Shoko. You were bewildered by the way he was acting, completely stumped as to what you should even say. His hand grabbed yours that was still gripping his collar. He pulled it off and pushed it against the wall, his hand caging yours as he leaned against your intertwined fingers. His eyes watched your lips as you kept opening them to speak, but closing them when you kept losing your words. 

“Is this not what you wanted?” His words were breathy and hard to hear. “I know you are doing this-” His free hand gesturing to your figure, “to get a reaction from me.”

“You’ve really lost it now, Gojo,” you couldn’t hide the blush though. He smiled at you regardless, and your legs began to feel weak. It hit you like a truck. His smile was cocky and genuine. It wasn’t coated with his usual delusional smirk, but an all-knowing, teeth-showing grin. It was then you grew nauseous with the knowledge Suguru snitched on your drunk confession. 

You hardly remembered that night - Geto had shared his bottle of Jack Daniel’s and you were too much of a lightweight to keep yourself from admitting to him that you enjoyed Gojo’s teasing. That you were infatuated with the white-haired sorcerer and you had really started to like him. That his cocky attitude was not a turn off like you tried to convince yourself and that when he stood over you, making you feel small, you weren’t mad at him but mad you enjoyed the feeling of being towered over by him. 

“I’m not dating just to make you jealous,” you tried to stand up for yourself. You really weren’t, the guy just asked you and you had nothing better to do. You got free drinks out of it too- really that was all it was. 

“How could I be jealous when I know you like me?”

In Suguru’s defense, when you called him a traitor he assured you it was an accident. He just wanted to get Satoru out of his funk. The day he caught you looking all dolled up, just to find out it was for another man, he couldn’t get out of his own head. He also didn’t understand why he couldn’t. He pestered his best friend for days over it and Suguru had to throw in the towel. You liked him because he heard it from you. And Satoru liked you because he knows his best friend more than anyone. 

It was all worth it in the end, because things went back to normal. (Except for the small detail that Satoru and you were now a couple). 

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

G.Suguru: The older boy’s reaction made you swoon.

You were a year below him at Jujutsu Tech and you were in awe of his cursed technique and if you were forced to be honest, in awe of him. You must’ve looked like a lost puppy following him around when you insisted on watching him train, joining him to find a snack at the convenience store, and insisting on learning about all the curses he had under his control. He was so kind about it too - always dismissing Gojo when he would groan about how insistent you were. “How can you put up with her? She doesn’t have her own life,” he would say, poking his tongue out.

 “She’s just curious, Satoru,” he would reply. He wouldn’t kid himself though, he found you absolutely adorable and didn’t mind having you under his arm all day. You weren’t much younger than him, but you felt as though he held infinite wisdom. Your eyes would twinkle up at him as he shared stories of his missions and his lips would tingle watching yours twitch with ‘oohs” and “ahhs”. He adored the way you would watch him as he ran around the track, shirtless and dripping with sweat. When you joined him he couldn’t help but keep your pace just so he could keep his attention on you. You didn’t know this when you finally confessed, but he was as infatuated with you as you were with him. He was obsessed with how obsessed you were with him. He was by no means struggling in attracting women, but to have you be so casually faithful to him, it was too hard to not take advantage of. 

The day you decided to dress up really pretty for your weekly Tuesday walk to Tokyo for lunch at his favorite place was the day you officially confessed. You wore the skirt the two of you saw one day while window shopping - the one he said reminded him of something you would wear. You even applied lip gloss even though you despise the fact your hair always gets stuck in it. “What’s got you looking all pretty?” he would muse. 

“Sugu, I like you,” you admitted, quick like pulling off a bandaid. You hadn’t even made it out of the school’s grounds when you confessed. He held out his arm to stop you and blocked the way with his tall figure. 

“I already knew that, little one,” he cooed. “Let’s go, we don’t want to be late,” he grabbed your small hand in his and continued forward. It wasn’t an official response, but you knew him so well that it was official enough for you.

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

I.Yuji : You swear the boy must be dumb.

Your friends would definitely describe you as the shy type. You never talked out of turn or made your true feelings known so blatantly - but with Yuji - you were really trying. If Yuji said he was hungry, you would always be there to hand him his favorite candy. When his face was caked with dirt and sweat after a mission, you were there with a cloth to clean him up. If he so much as got a paper cut you would insist on applying a bandaid to his finger. You couldn’t tell if you liked helping him more than he liked being helped. He would always smile at you, warm and sincere. His eyes would hold yours, cheeks flushed a light pink. The way he would look at you, head angled down to get a good look at your face, the innocent scrunch of his eyebrows..

“You’re such an amazing friend,” he would say and you had to blink to keep your eyes from rolling back into your head. 

One day as he was happily sipping the ice cold tea you bought him, munching on the little pastry you went out of your way to get after he announced - very loudly - how starved he was, you decided enough was enough. 

“I like you,” You told him bluntly. He finished chewing his last bite before telling you he liked you too. 

“You’re a really good friend,” he smiled. You could feel your body begin to shake as you repeated what you said. 

“I like-like you, Yuji. Not friend-like. Like-Like.” Your hands went to grip the grass beneath you, desperately trying to ground yourself. His eyebrows scrunched, as if he was trying to process your confession. You couldn’t hold his eyes when he didn’t immediately respond. You turned your attention to Maki and Nobara who were training not far in front of you. Your eyes couldn’t focus on their figures as your body shouted at you to get up and bury yourself in bed for the day. His hand found your thigh, and you jumped slightly. When your eyes met him again, you swore you never saw him look so serious. His lips were in a thin line, eyes twinkling. 

“Maybe I like-like you too,” he spoke only above a whisper and you melted on the spot.

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

F.Megumi: The boy was always in his own little world

That’s what you really liked about him. His ability to be quiet, observant, and at times lost in his own thoughts. All though, trying to get him to notice your crush on him would be harder than pulling all of your toenails off one by one. You would lay in Nobara’s bed as she admired the outfits she bought that day, trying her best to ignore your groans. 

“I should just give up now,” you whined. You had finished a long winded rant about Megumi, how he never reacted to your attention in the way you craved him to. 

“You should give up. I’m sick of hearing it,” Nobara lovingly teased. “Or you could just tell him,” You would gasp at the idea and bury your head into her pillow. 

You always found yourself to be the type of girl to read everyone’s feelings. People were like books to you, except for him. Before joining Jujutsu Tech, flirting was second nature to you. But when you saw his messy black hair and cold blue eyes your brain short circuited. You sure would try to flirt though. Giggling at his jokes he thought no one heard or playing with your hair in conversation. You would buy a new perfume and ask him to smell you, or ask if he liked the way you did your makeup that day. He would flush red and obey your asks. He would tell you that you smell great or that your eyelashes looked really pretty, but he would end it there. 

A couple days had passed since your rant to Nobara and the four of you were out in Tokyo. Yuji had insisted you all join him to the movies, and with nothing better to do you all obliged. At the theater you paid for your drink and popcorn and made your way to your movie when you noticed Nobara and Megumi weren’t following behind you. You shrugged it off and sat down with Yuji to watch the previews. The lights had already dimmed and the movie just started by the time Nobara came with Megumi in tow. “Sit,” she commanded him, referring to the spot next to you. You watched as Megumi - stiff as a board- took the seat beside you, and continued to shuffle around in his seat trying to get comfortable. 

“What happened?” you whispered to him, scared of what Nobara had done to make him act so odd. He didn’t respond and kept his eyes glued to the screen. It went on like that for a while, him still squirming awkwardly in his seat and when a jump scare came on screen and he didn’t react you turned to him again. “You act like you saw a ghost,” you joked to him. He replied dead serious.

“Just saw Nobara, that’s all.”

“What did she do?” You weren’t really sure you even wanted to know. After what seemed like hours of silence he asked if you really did like him. 

“Is it true what Nobara said?” Your mouth fell open and he was now completely facing you. You were all there for a screening of a horror movie and right now the main character was in a dark basement making it hard to see any light on Megumi’s face. From what you could see though, he looked flustered but maintained his eye contact with you. Thanks to Nobara it was now or never, and you meekly shook your head at him. He scratched the back of his neck and you could see his Adam's apple bob in his throat. Your face was hot watching him process your confession, not sure if you wanted to punch Nobara or thank her for finally putting you out of your misery. Even if it did mean Megumi no longer wanted to be near you. “I’ve just never had someone tell me that,” he finally spoke. ‘I don’t hate you, just give me time to process that,” he asked. You nodded and turned back to the screen, trying to focus on the protagonist dodging death. You had grown as stiff as him and noticing, he put his hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly as reassurance. You both were red in the face, eyes glued to the front of the theater but not actually watching what was on it, lost in your thoughts. The process wasn’t smooth for you two, but your confession made Megumi realize his own feelings. Why he felt nervous when you were in the room and why he doubted his words before speaking to you. You both worked on it together, and your confidence with each other grew. It wasn’t long before you two went to Tokyo alone or sat in each other’s room late at night just talking. Megumi was your boyfriend by the end of the year, and you felt as giddy around him as the day you first met him. 

#jjk #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk gojo #gojo satoru #gojo saturo #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #geto x reader #suguru geto #suguru x you #suguru x y/n #jjk geto #gojo #geto #suguru x reader #yuji itadori #jjk yuji #itadori #megumi #fushiguro #yuji x reader #yuji x you #yuji x y/n #jjk megumi #megumi fushiguro #megumi x reader #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu kaisen megumi

[maple-the-awesome]

Friend or Foe || Part 1/3

Part 2 || Part 3

Pairings: Four, Hyrule, Legend x GN Reader

Overview: Link visits an alternate world without its hero and, more importantly, a version of you without your Link. Unfortunately, it seems even the smallest of details can lead to disastrous results. In spirt of October and Halloween, I've decided to do a little evil prompt because none of the Links have enough emotional damage yet😈

Zelda Masterlist 💙Fandom Masterlist

Four has known you since childhood, both of your families having been good friends for generations. You've always been peas in a pot together with a level of closeness that results in a lot of ‘old married couple’ jokes. You're usually the first person Four returns to after his adventures, never sparing a single detail as he knows he can trust you with his life if it were to come down to it which makes this situation so perplexing...

This you is nothing like his dear friend back home. You don't have that same sweet smile that makes his heart do loops of delight, rather a wicked grin that makes his stomach turn in disgust. When he heard murmurs about an evil magic-wielder terrorizing this world, it would've been his last guess that such a person could look exactly like you - same face, same name, same everything!

"What an interesting assortment of weapons, especially this one!" Four bites back a snarl when this cursed version of you holds the Four Sword high into the sky with a teasing smirk, "It's practically dripping with magic. Where did you get it? ...Still not going to answer me? Oh, but you were so talkative earlier - what, with all your meaningless questions and desperate begging.”

Trapped behind cold iron bars, all Four can do is watch helplessly as you search through the rest of the items you’ve stolen from him, making little comments here and there which he refuses to acknowledge (he’s learned from Vaati that responses are only encouragement). The others should be here to rescue him soon anyway. In the meantime, he’s trying to make sense of this whole situation as he has been since you first caught him.

'This just can't be our flower. I refuse to believe it. They'd never be so cruel to us like this! They're our friend!' 

'Of course they aren’t, you idiot! There's no way they'd be evil at all! This scum is an imposter and the second we get out of this prison we'll teach them a lesson about why they shouldn’t dare tarnish an angel's name like -!'

'- Calm down. We're in a different version of Hyrule which means this is more than likely this kingdom’s version of -'

'- Hogwash! Don’t you dare finish that sentence! They'd never act like this even in a different world!'

'I don’t want to believe it either, however the fact of the matter is it isn’t impossible. Think about it. Everything about this world is similar to our own excluding our existence. There is no hero meaning we weren’t ever there to protect them. Did you think about that?'

'...No...'

'That's so sad!'

Four must agree with his arguing thoughts. Although this you isn't the one he has waiting for him back home, he can't help feeling some pity towards you, refusing to believe you could simply be born evil. Something led you down this path you currently trek, and maybe this world isn't necessarily within his range of responsibility, however he still feels a bit guilty for not being able to help any version of you, here or there.

Hyrule met you shortly after meeting Zelda which was natural considering you were the eldest child of the crown. He must admit he's unfortunately never gotten the chance to know you too well, seeing as you have so many responsibilities that keep you busy while he, himself, is often sidetracked venturing through a broken world, yet nevertheless, he does know you to be a kind and generous leader - someone he’s always admired very deeply which is why he’s having so much trouble accepting you could ever be like this…

This kingdom has a sort of sadness that flows throughout the dusty sky and crumbled grass. Legend mentioned something about visiting a kingdom like it before, although Hyrule wonders now if all aspects of the Vet's experiences would match. He would ask, however such a question wouldn't be appropriate at the moment given as both heroes have been brought to their knees, spears held close to their heads to keep them submissive (not that it gets rid of Legend's scowl).

When Hyrule first laid eyes on you while being forced him to take a knee in front of your throne, he had been relieved, so certain that you'd immediately wave off your hostile guards and take note of the obvious misunderstanding that has occurred, after all this traveler is a dear friend of yours who should be treated as such. Alas, Hyrule shivers instead, frozen under your cold gaze as you glare down upon Legend and him.

"These are the heroes you found? I thought they'd be taller - more a threat than little mice," You sigh boredly with your head rested against your hand, although you do take a second longer to admire Hyrule, smirking at the boy who unlike his feisty friend looks absolutely petrified to be in your presences. 

Pushing yourself off your throne, you approach the poor boy and kneel before him. Despite his attempt to flinch away, you still succeed in running your hand against his cheek, "...Oh, but you're a cutie, aren't you? A rare gem in a world so broken."

At least you're aware of the current status of this kingdom. Hyrule would like to think that with some bitterness in mind, however he actually manages to feel sympathetic while watching you wander back to your throne, not missing that frown upon your face. 

It’s then that he’s reminded of a story his friends and him were told upon arrival here - that this world’s hero had died tragically many years ago. There’s no evidence that this world’s current state is because of you which means you could’ve simply inherited a cursed throne and allowed your own heart to hardened under the depressing circumstances, a fate Hyrule fears might have easily occurred to his own version of you as well if not for the support you had received from your siblings and himself. If only you weren’t alone in this world. Maybe then you could have become a beloved queen here, too.

Legend denies that he ever knew you; it hurts too much to accept otherwise. For the short time that he had known you, you had been a light in his life, always so sweet and magical in a way that could lift even the darkest of thoughts. There's a side of him who wishes every night that he'll be blessed with a dream about you because much to his dismay, that's his only way of seeing you again. He'd give anything to meet you in person once more even if for just a second, but not like this...

He's trying hard to keep the scowl on his face - trying to act unintimated, trying to act annoyed - despite how much his heart is aching deep down. He can feel his eyes burning. He can taste iron as he bites down upon his lip, praying to Hylia he'll wake up any moment now.

Promptly after arriving in this Hyrule, the Chain had received several warnings from locals about a ‘demon’ which lurks in the night. They claim that the creature only ever appears in the shadows, preying upon weak minds and cursing them with cruel nightmares. 

Legend, of course, dismissed it all as a story meant to scare children, even going as far as to give Warrior a hard time for being jumpy while the group was setting up camp in a forest right outside of town. Unlike some of the others, Legend doesn’t care if the wind whispers or how certain trees around them look like faces, and he was actually sleeping quite well amongst it all until getting up to go to the bathroom. 

Walking back into camp, he had been alarmed to notice a cloaked figure hovering right above Wild, their hand outstretched towards his head as the Champion shifted and whimpered in his sleep. Everyone else appeared to already be in similar states of distress, even Time’s stone expression crinkled in pain.

"HEY! GET AWAY FROM THEM!" Legend was quick to shout, catching the monster's attention before drawing his sword which he had thankfully taken with him earlier. He planned on fighting off the beast then hopefully waking the others from their nightmares, yet instead he found himself trapped in one of his own when the cloaked figure removed their hood.

Now he can't move, frozen in terror as he tries desperately to shake the feeling...No...No, it can't be you. This is a trick - an illusion the monster has created to mess with him. You would never stain your beautiful face with such a wicked smile. You'd never hurt anything or anyone the way this thing already has!

Regardless of his doubt, Legend can only shake as you approach a lot faster than he can process, likely aided by your ability to effortlessly float his way. Whether due to a spell of yours or a result of his own weak will, he doesn't jerk away like he wants to when you run a hand over his cheek, cooing in a mocking way, "Aw, get a lot of nightmares, do you honey?"

"N-No. Not at all," He manages, at last finding the strength to swing your way which is an action helped by closing his eyes. If he can't see your face, he won't have to battle his concern over hurting you; he can better convince himself that you aren't truly here as you've never been.

"Liar," You easily dodge him, using merely two fingers to grab his sword midair. Keeping it in place, you lean forward, your breath making his legs wobble as the tears finally begin to prick in the corners of his eyes, "I can read your thoughts - see your fears…Oh, but this is far worse than any nightmare you've had, isn't it, my dear? Far worse than any I could bestow upon you with my magic. Poor thing. You miss them terribly, don't you? If that's the case, then you shouldn’t avoid me so. Soak it up. Remember what I look like. After all, it's the last chance you'll ever get to reach out and touch me."

#lu four #lu four x reader #lu hyrule #lu hyrule x reader #lu legend #lu legend x reader #linked universe #linked universe x reader #link x reader #x reader

[freya-fallen]

Little Dove 3/?

Part 1 Part 4

TWs for this part: smoking, manipulation, grooming

Dabi knows what he's doing is wrong. He's not blind to his own backwards morality. In fact, he revels in it. He's murdered without a second thought, for no more than a flash of annoyance. He's a consummate monster. 

But this… the plans shaping up for Hawks’ sweet little sister are truly demented. They're sick, twisted, the sort of evil that leaves a stain and never washes out. He can't wait to share what the hero will do. No doubt, Hawks will try to defend himself. Endeavor will find out what his lost son made the hero do, and he will be filled with disgust for both his son and his second. 

It's all due to an accident of fate. Hawks losing his phone was the best thing to happen to Dabi. Thanks to the idiot’s affectionate contact name for his sister, Dabi was going to trap the two birds in a cage of his own twisted design. 

You and Dabi text every day after that. He’s funny in a dark, sardonic sort of way, but you suppose that’s normal for someone in his line of work. He convinces you to meet up the following weekend. You’re nervous to meet him again. 

You’re also worried about Keigo finding out, but your brother is absent in the few days leading up to your “date.” You don’t think it can properly be called that because it’s not as if he likes you, right? He’s just being nice to his peer’s little sister who never gets out.

Either way, you’re super excited. You spend entirely too much time picking an outfit, lamenting your lack of girlfriends to ask for advice. Last time he saw you, you looked like a kid. You were in your school uniform. This time, you want him to see you looking more adult.

Eventually you settle on a black t-shirt and jeans, both of which hug you flatteringly. You wear black shoes good for walking just in case, and even put on what you consider an artful application of makeup. You think you look much more mature like this, though the butterflies in your stomach belie your cool facade.

Soon enough, you trek to the cafe where you agreed to meet. Dabi is already sitting back in one of the outdoor seats. He nods in acknowledgement and his eyes flick over you; you flush at his clear appraisal, and wish you could figure out what he’s thinking. 

“C’mon,” he says, rising to throw an arm around your shoulders.

He’s so warm and the scents of smoke and tobacco waft from him, as well as something that else that reminds you of fiery nights, but you can’t quite pick out why. It doesn’t matter; the smell isn’t necessarily bad.

“Where are we going?” 

He steers you toward an alley and a writhing mass of darkness appears. “This is a friend’s quirk. It’s safe,” he assures you as you step through. You cling to him through the darkness and he squeezes you close.

When you come out the other side, you’re in a small apartment. It must be his place. There’s a futon, a mini fridge, a sink, what you guess is the lavatory, but the focus is a decent sized flat screen hooked up to a few different consoles. A cardboard box is filled with folded clothes, but that’s the extent of the furniture. It’s like he just moved in.

“I figured we should hang and get to know each other,” Dabi says by way of explanation. He sprawls on the futon and gestures for you to join him, turns on the television, and begins scrolling through apps via one of the consoles. “Do you game?”

You shift from foot to foot before finally taking a seat on the edge of the futon. “A little.” Most of the games in the apartment were chosen by Keigo and you’re not big on those.

He nods. “What d’ya like to watch? I’ll put something on.”

“I don’t know, I watch pretty much anything.”

His head rolls toward you and he deadpans, “I’ll put on some porn.” Your expression must be comical because he bursts out laughing. “Relax, I’m not trying to break you.” He settles on Netflix and sticks on some Korean show about zombies. “This one’s pretty good.”

You nod, actually familiar with the show. “Oh yeah, I like this show. It gets pretty dark though.”

You watch and slowly become more comfortable, leaning back on a pillow propped against the wall. You’ve almost forgotten to be awkward by the time you see fumbling out of the corner of your eye and you glance toward its source.

Dabi has taken down his mark and sports a cigarette between his lips. The bottom one is charred, scarred all the way down into his t-shirt. He lifts a brow at you, then flicks up a finger. A blue flame dances atop it. He uses that to light the cigarette. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“You have a fire quirk?” It’s about the dumbest thing you can say, but he nods. 

“Yep. And you can thank that for all these fuckin’ scars. Pretty, huh?”

The thing is, if it weren’t for the scars, you’d think Dabi is pretty. Even with them, he has a rough, edgy look to him that probably pulls women anyway. 

You shrug. “I like all your piercings.”

“Yeah?” He tugs your ear lobe with the hand not holding the cigarette and you giggle. “You should get some yourself. I bet you’d look pretty hot.”

“Keigo would flip.” The words are out before you can think twice. Your hand slaps over your mouth, eyes wide.

Dabi watches you keenly with those sharp blue eyes of his. “Keigo, huh? Don’t worry, Dove, I won’t tell his secret identity.”

“Thanks.”

“As far as what he likes… well, I bet he wouldn’t like me flirting with his little sister either, but here we are.”

You fall still, unsure you heard him correctly. “You’re flirting with me?”

Dabi laughs again. “Sure am. You’re too damn cute. Why, did you think I asked you to hang just to be nice?”

“I don’t know.” Your voice is hardly above a whisper, suddenly shy under his gaze.

Dabi’s tongue skirts his lips and he leans in close. You can smell the cigarette on his breath, but it doesn’t both you. “Sweetheart, you have been running through my mind like a goddamn train since the second I saw you.” He pulls you against him and kisses the top of your head. “You okay with that?”

You smile and speak through the fluttering pulse in your throat. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

want to be added to the taglist? Just ask

@im-just-a-simp-le-whore

#darkfic #yandere #mha #hawks #my hero academia #yandere dabi #dabi #dabi x reader #yandere hawks #hawks x reader #smut #dabi is a creepy #possible dabihawks

[loganslowdown4]

The Sides Need A Nice Day

All The Details Part 3!

Roman getting offended that the Prince wouldn’t be that stupid or mean and is maybe just trying to always do the right thing?

Well, that wasn’t personal or on-the-nose or anything, damn 😩

*coughSVSReduxcoughcough*

💙🖤🖤💙

*adds to ‘want to read’ on Goodreads*

*puts audiobook on hold on Libby* 👀

(Has anyone read this? Is it good?)

I feel like Thomas might have let someone else edit this shot hahaha

But yes, the return of the spider! 😂🕷️ (Maybe it’s Marcus??) 👀

💛🖤💛🖤

Ya boi is still standing in his spot 👀💛🖤

This is… this is just his spot, isn’t it?

Lol I like to point this out every time because when it actually happens in canon we can all be like ‘called ittttt’

Also! Janus is stupidly efficient and I love him for it. The fact that he comes to the light side of the mindscape, determined to one up the others doing a ‘stupid trend’ and not to be a part of the group or anything 👀, doesn’t know where the pens are because he barely spends any time there…

And then proceeds to be the best of all of them by giving Remus exactly what he likes 😂

💜🖤💜🖤

Virgil likes stories that end in brave acts of selflessness, huh?

This is him making up for not being there during redux, I know it—

💚🖤💚🖤

This idiot look at him 💚🖤

He’s genuinely so upset that it’s not something more disgusting 😩😅💚🖤

💛🖤💛🖤

This last line feels… pointed?

Like it may be that it’s a thing people say after they do a friend a favour/give a gift

But Janus doesn’t ever just do things, does he?

Maybe it’s to keep his partner in crime happy?

Or it’s an apology… for insinuating he was the evil twin?

It just made me pause because he said it in that way he does when you know he’s speaking with double meaning. Not necessarily lying, but not telling the whole truth either.

For the 1000th time I will gush about how much this show/these characters give me SO MUCH to talk about 😄

❤️🤍❤️🤍

Realizing that the reason Roman freaks out so bad from Virgil scaring him is that Virgil probably just APPEARED in his room without warning or preamble, no rising up, no knocking, just HERE pick a card

I’d be pissed too 😂😂😂❤️

You have to wonder if Virgil has ever in his right mind done that before or Roman and Virgil are definitely becoming friends now, in their own special way lol

Also why WHY is Roman always in the bathroom when we see him not in front of the tv to start with?

Like he’s always in there when he does incorrect quotes with Remus too. Like they need special neutral ground to talk to each other that’s not the living room…

Idk I getting away from the text with that theory, but it’s funny that it keeps happening

This episode was too much fun! 😂😂😂

Go back to Part 1!

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #ts roman #patton sanders #ts logan #remus sanders #Virgil sanders #Janus sanders #the sides need a nice day #sanders sides spoilers #ts spoilers #ts details

[muzanswaifu]

Shipping Discourse /Blocking/Bullying - Let’s Talk

Hello everyone, just thought I’d make a post to clear some things up based on some recent occurrences, a lot has happened

First and foremost, some people (possibly some of you reading this now somehow) may have noticed you have been blocked by me, I’m sorry if this has upset you but there is a reason for it, which is what I want to talk about in this post

Some of you may be familiar with the term pro-shipper, and if you aren’t, it essentially describes someone who supports a ship that is deemed problematic. An example of this would be Douma x Shinobu, which I have written about in the past and will continue to write about. And I understand completely why this ship is bad, I’ve watched the show. However, since some drama has been going around about this ship calling those who support it all sorts of names, I would like to offer my own perspective on what brought me to like it. I don’t like the ship realistically. It would’ve never been canon, Douma literally ruined her life and the lives of countless others. That’s not why I like the ship. I like the ship because I like enemies to lovers. The same reason I like Muzan x Yorichi, Rengoku x Akaza, ect, ect. Whether on a simple highschool rivalry scale, or a more drastic version, I like the trope. If you don’t like that ship or trope, that’s completely fine as well. Its just not for you, that’s okay. What isn’t okay is threatening those who do like those ship and telling them that they are disgusting and horrible human beings. That’s a little excessive, don’t you think?

On a smaller scale of things, let’s talk about the lesser of these “evils”: Regular ships/ non-problematic pairings, examples including Sanemi x Giyu, Rengoku x Giyu, Giyu x Shinobu, Obanai x Giyu, Mitsuri x Shinobu, Rengoku x Tengen. There has always been a big debate on these pairings in the anime community, ranging from disagreements in plausibility to straight up homophobia. I expected that type of discourse in the art and content-creator community. But to see this in the smut fan-fiction community was… disappointing. Specifically I would like to talk about the arguments going on about the Sanemi x giyu ship. And I’m going to tell those of you who loathe this ship what you really need to hear.

Get.

Over.

It.

The ship isn’t hurting you. Its not threatening your life. And for some of you to claim that it “triggers” you is both disgusting to hear and horribly offensive and demeaning to those who are actually triggered by certain circumstances and have to get medical help for it. I’ve seen these same people who claim to be adults throw a literal temper tantrum over people supporting this ship. And I don’t need any further evidence to see that these same individuals are obviously chronically online. Relationships aren’t that simple. People change. Sanemi obviously changed at the end of the series, they both did. So for you to use the argument that he was “abusive” to Giyu wasn’t necessarily wrong, but it definitely shows that you don’t have a very good grasp of both fictional dynamic characters and realistic change in human beings.

I can’t tell you how disappointed I am to see this behavior in the community of people claiming to be adults, so much so that this no longer feels like the erotic escape I thought it would be. It just feels like highschool. And I don’t enjoy writing smut for a community that behaves like such.

Now back to the original hook for this post - the blocking. Those of you who were blocked, I simply went down the list of mutuals of a certain individual who had high activity of this type of bullying and blocked everyone. This individual has a large history of drama related to shipping discourse, and overall immature behavior that has led us to be on bad terms. Again, if you see I have blocked you and you had no idea ab out this discourse, nor do you condone bullying for crack ships, message me from whatever alternate account you are viewing this from and I will unblock you. My system for it wasn’t perfect, nor did I look too deep into who was actively participating with this individual, I just went down their listing of mutuals and friends and blocked everyone because I didn’t want to take any chances.

I am not going to name names for who this person is, nor am I going to waste my time to argue, I don’t want anyone to give hate to this person or seek them out. All I ask is that you not be like this person. Don’t bully those who disagree with you, then cry victim when they defend themselves and give you back that same energy. Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t vent your woes and frustrations to other creators and writers in the inbox - I’m sorry but that is just so disrespectful. Our blogs are for our own creativity and work, not facts about your life. Our other followers don’t want to see that, and it’s sours the mood when people trauma dump in our inbox.

In conclusion, I think I’m going to take a break for a while from interactions. I’ll still try my best to work on requests and posting but all of this has just been very disheartening. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for this kind of immaturity and bullying on this side of demon slayer. Nor did I know that this individual was participating in this until i found out they had blocked me out of the blue and were talking about me negatively to others.

And to the individual I’m talking about here, I know that your are likely seeing this and I want your to know how disappointed I am in your behavior. I truly do not believe you are a matured adult and you have a lot of growing to do. You knew from the start the ships I wrote about, and you used me as a venting point for your own interests and amusement until I guess you were done using my platform as a stage. Then I found out you were not only talking about me but several others behind our back to people who would have no other option but to believe you first and foremost because what other option do they have? Kinda like my first relationship lol. Maybe I should’ve learned from that experience but I’m kinda dumb.

And to those who she’s also done this to, I’m very sorry this happened to you and if you need to talk, I’m here.

Anyways, I’m done. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do for the remainder of my page. I’m not even sure I want to write anymore rn. I really don’t want to delete my page and I won’t but I just really need a break from all this.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer smut #kimetsu no yaiba smut #kny #kny smut #smut #sanegiyuu #doushino #crack ships #rengiyuu

[hyperfixationtimego]

hi that post about the Velma plot synopsis is literally very obviously an excerpt from a biased third-party article, not what the show is actually about. You can tell via the way the last sentence of the excerpt is worded, as it’s intentionally condescending and meant to portray the show itself in a negative light.

Not to mention, that excerpt gets a couple things wrong, actually. In referring to Daphne only as an “orphan,” it’s effectively omitting the fact that she has two adoptive mothers who are indeed present in her life and have good intentions, regardless of whether or not the effects of their actions are ultimately positive or negative. To be entirely clear, they’re a bumbling pair of lesbian cops who are bad at their job. like yeah acab whatever but my point is that Daphne isn’t the cruel, miserable one-note character that excerpt makes her out to be; it’s all just facets of the character that the show hasn’t even gotten the chance to fully develop yet, because we only have 2 episodes out so far.

And the implications of Fred’s portrayal as rich, white, and privileged…..yeah? i mean, he is? but again, that’s not the only facet of his character we get to see, and it’s very clear that the show has at least some plans in mind for his arc and character journey. You’re not meant to just hate him completely; I’m fairly certain the intent of his character is to watch him slowly change and connect better with the other mystery inc members as we get further into the show.

Because that’s the thing! I’m pretty sure the characters are meant to be assholes to each other right now!! This is a prequel - therefore, we already know they’re all going to end up being friends with each other. VELMA is just showing us that, in this continuity, they weren’t always that way towards each other. That’s the whole point of the show; it’s showing us the journey!

Is it perfect? Absolutely not! Not all of the jokes land perfectly, and I personally think the storytelling & pacing could use a fair bit of revision, but it deeply saddens me that everybody seems to be more focused on insulting the show and its creators rather than engaging in constructive criticism of it.

there are a lot of issues and controversies surrounding the show, I know, but I do have to point out that the exact moment it was revealed that three of the characters would be reimagined as POC, people started tearing the show to shreds, and we barely knew anything else about it! So forgive me for taking all the egregious hatred and disgust people have for it with a hefty grain of salt!!

Ugh, I’m trying to cram as much into one post as possible, but here, let’s talk about the TERF thing. The accusations I’ve (very suddenly) heard of Kaling’s bigotry are DEFINITELY an incredibly important thing to be aware of, and I have no intention of defending her or her behavior, but I am positively BEGGING you guys to look into these things yourself rather than simply taking some internet rando’s word as bible for what is and isn’t ethically pure to consume. I’m literally a trans person, but I’m not going to assume someone’s evil because I saw ONE screenshot of them supposedly liking a transphobic tweet; that’s not a reliable source of information!!! Research her and her actions yourself before coming to a conclusion!

If the things you find out about Kaling make you uncomfortable with engaging with the things she creates or contributes to, that’s entirely your call! HOWEVER, it’s also not an inherently bad thing to watch and engage with things made by people with contrary perspectives to your own; when you keep an open mind and engage with things critically, you’re exposing yourself to various viewpoints, styles, humor, & perspectives that, even if they aren’t necessarily your thing, are still important to understand and be aware of.

by no means am I telling you that you have to watch the show; I’m only asking for everyone to be a bit more open-minded and a bit more civil in their discussion of media as a whole.

#velma 2023 #velma show #velma the series #velma hbo max #mindy kaling #rant #long post #media analysis #critical thinking

[ghostdrinkssoup]

I’ve been thinking about that conversation I had with my irl the other day (who’s never seen hannibal but saw screenshots from s1 on tiktok) because beyond us laughing at the utter insanity that is nbc hannibal out of context, he was seriously asking me why the show is aesthetically pleasing, and more to the point, why the murders are made into artworks, which are all good questions and ones I’ve been mulling over

and obviously the show is highly exaggerated and operatic and meant to be gothic horror or whatever, but it is interesting that the violence in s1, which is what my friend was referring to, is supposed to be perceived negatively by the audience because will, who’s perspective the show is mostly rendered through, is also absolutely horrified by it, saying it’s “the ugliest thing in the world” (or so he tells abigail). I think when analysing s1 will it’s important to note that at this point in his arc he still very much thinks (or thinks that he thinks) murder is ugly, while simultaneously struggling with how much he liked killing hobbs. but then again, that kill wasn’t designed to be palatable or acceptable, and it certainly wasn’t made into art. it was exactly what it was on it’s surface, no deception in sight, and in that moment hannibal saw him for what he was, or at least what he could become. and frighteningly, so did hobbs (“see?”)

and all of this “artistic murder” is really just an extension of hannibal’s person suit, right? the way the cooking scenes are aesthetically beautiful, and the fact that we never actually see him murder someone until late s1. the dinner parties, the sound design, the cooking, the superfluous, flowery language, etc are all masks. not only that, but the murders we see at first aren’t even hannibal’s kills, and the ones that are his kills are when he’s performing as the copycat killer aka when he’s mirroring something else, which isn’t necessarily true to him. murder as theatre and all that. it’s like we can’t access hannibal properly until will does, which is why s2 is so fascinating because it’s when will decides to give up on “good and evil for behaviourism” and decides hannibal is destructive, which is apparently synonymous to evil. it’s something hannibal quickly disproves, but you get the point (“storms are evil, if it’s that simple”)

that’s all to say there’s a really interesting juxtaposition that happens within the show’s cinematography and overall aesthetic design, which is that the “beauty” of the horror is supposed to disgust us, because it disgusts will, but the more he pulls away the layers and truly “sees” hannibal, the more everything begins to blur into moral ambiguity. and it’s only when the violence, and hannibal himself, are reduced to something animalistic, vile, and ugly (when they kill the red dragon) that will finally agrees that the murder is beautiful. it’s about understanding something at it’s core, revelling in mutual destruction, gaining power and becoming equals and, ultimately, rejecting moral absolutism for moral ambiguity and choosing to see humanity through that lens

#sorry to my irl who was confused by this show NFBSJHD #of course everything is metaphorical and buried in subtext #but it is interesting how the artistic murders he pointed out (which even extend to s2) are all illusory anyway #we’re not meant to find them appealing #or at least we find the fact that we’re supposed to find them appealing disturbing #it’s the whole point because again it’s a metaphor for hiding oneself #specifically hiding oneself with superficial high-class sensibilities and being a real snob about it LMAO #will is only accepting of it once he and hannibal are equals fr #nbc hannibal #hannibal #hannibal meta #will graham #hannigram #ghost speaks

[fangirlwriting-stories]

To Create A Living

Summary: Roman had never been more excited in his life than when Thomas decided to pursue a creative career.  He'd been over the moon!

If only he'd stayed that way.

...

For a while after Thomas switched careers, Roman was on Cloud 9.  He was overwhelmed with excitement and ideas and hopes.  All of his plans about making Thomas into a star would finally come true!

When Thomas got his first couple roles and put his first couple videos out on Vine, the exhilaration just got stronger, and Roman could regularly be found dancing around the mindscape and singing in excitement.

He’d never expected to have this chance!  He’d been regulated to the sidelines for far too long, but now it was finally his, and more importantly Thomas,’ chance to shine!  This would be amazing, and everything was finally falling into place, and there was nothing that could take it from him!

…Then the first rent bill showed up.

Thomas had enough to pay, but it was a closer thing than he really liked, and that was the first time there was a little doubt in his head about whether or not this was the right call.

Roman didn’t like that doubt, but at the same time, there was a tiny voice in the back of his head that got it.  It was difficult to amaze audiences without a stable roof over your head and food on your table.  That had just never been Roman’s job before.

Nevertheless, he reassured Thomas when he came to him in concern, and Roman worked twice as hard the next month.  Thomas made more money and could be more comfortable with how much he had left for groceries, and savings, and a little fun outside of work.  Thomas was grateful, and proud of him, which felt amazing.

The thing is.

Roman was exhausted.

He’d never had to do a full time gig before, and having to make quality ideas while also worrying about making enough quality ideas to afford all of Thomas’ needs was incredibly stressful.  By the time Thomas finished paying the bills for the months Roman felt about ready to collapse, and there would just be more next month.

Clearly he had to do something else.  That, however, implied he had some other ideas.  And he was kind of fresh out of those lately.  He needed time to rest that he didn’t have.

Or, not necessarily.  He could probably work on something.  He just needed an idea first.

Which is why he started sort of shopping around for one.

He started with Patton, which wouldn’t seem like a good plan, except for the fact that all of his other options were worse.  It’s not like he was actually going to consider talking to Remus, Deceit, or Anxiety.  And Logan was… well.  And he couldn’t reveal to Thomas that he was out of ideas, that was the whole problem.  So he started with Patton.

“You don’t want to use one of your ideas?” Patton asked in confusion.

“Well, of course I do,” Roman said, waving his hand dismissively.  “But I just have so many to choose from, and I wanted to see what other people were thinking to find some kind of way to narrow down all of the incredible ideas I have.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Patton said with a bright smile.  “Well, creativity isn’t really my strong suit, kiddo.  But I’m sure whatever you end up choosing will be amazing!  You’re so good at this, after all.”

Roman had to fight to keep the smile on his face.  “Well, thanks so much, Padre.  You’ve been a huge help.”

“Anytime kiddo!”

So Patton was as unhelpful as Roman really should have expected he’d be.  Meaning he’d have to go to one of the other terrible options for help with an idea.

In this, Remus really was the obvious least of four evils.  Anxiety was impossible to deal with, Deceit would never stop talking Roman in circles long enough to be helpful, and Logan was… well.

Remus’ ideas were never actually helpful on their own, but maybe Roman could find something marginally useful that he could expand on.

So, feeling more than a little disgusted with himself, he found himself knocking on his brother’s door, late at night, when no one could see.

“No, I’m not putting my bear trap back and you can’t make me!” Remus called from the other side.

“Why would I care about your bear trap?” Roman called back as loud as he dared.

There was a pause, and then Remus yanked his door open.  Before Roman could say anything, Remus pulled him inside, grabbed him by the waist, and flipped him upside down.

Roman yelped as something caught his ankle and pulled him further upright, dangling him upside down from the ceiling.

Remus shut the door behind him and walked around Roman like a predator sizing up his prey.

“Well,” he said with a shrug.  “Not how I expected to test that one, but it seems to work.  Now what the hell are you doing here?”

“I—” Roman’s face heated up, as apparently he wasn’t already as humiliated as it was possible to be.  “I need your help,” he mumbled, trying to hide what he was saying by turning his head to the side.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Roman grumbled it again.

“What was that?” Remus asked, leaning close enough to his face that Roman could smell his terrible breath, and he gagged.

“I need your help, asshole,” he snapped.

Remus cackled, and whacked something off to the side that Roman couldn’t see.  The trap holding his ankle in place loosened all at once, and Roman landed hard on his back on the ground.

He stared up at the ceiling and wheezed, trying to get back the breath that had been knocked out of him, but before he could, Remus yanked him up by the waist again and tossed him across the room.  Thankfully, this time he at least landed on the bed— in something wet.

“Ew!” Roman exclaimed, leaping upright and snapping his fingers to get whatever it was off of him.

Remus cackled again.  “Aww, can’t handle a little mysterious substance?”

“Why are you like this?” Roman groaned.

“Hey, you came to ask me for help,” Remus said, summoning his morningstar so he could lean casually on the handle.  He grinned up at Roman.  “Finally realized you’re useless at this?”

Roman squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe past the shame welling up in his chest.  “Shut up.”

“Ooh, you did!” Remus said brightly.  He snapped his fingers, and suddenly Roman was midair, just momentarily before he dropped onto a couch.  He glanced back over at Remus to find him wearing stereotypical therapist glasses and holding a clipboard.

“Now,” he said, leaning forward and patting Roman on his head.  “Why don’t you tell me all about where this long-awaited breakthrough came from.”

“Could you take this seriously for once in your fucking life?” Roman snapped, jumping to his feet and waving his hands and making the illusion disappear.  “Do you think I would be here if I wanted to be?”

“Well, taking things seriously isn’t really my area,” Remus said with a grin.  “You picked the wrong side, Roro!”

Roman groaned and dropped his head into his hands.  “Why did I think this would be helpful?”

“I have no clue, really a mistake on your part.”

Roman sighed again and picked his head up.  “I’m going back to brainstorming.  Thanks for nothing.”

“Again?  Ro, slow down,” Remus said, raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t,” Roman snapped.  “I need to come up with enough good ideas that Thomas likes and that other people like.  That or he needs to get more paying roles, but that hasn’t been happening so far.”

“If you worry too much about what other people like you’re gonna burn yourself out,” Remus said, giving him a look.  “You need to pace yourself.”

Roman grit his teeth.  “I can’t,” he snapped.  “Because people liking Thomas’ creations pays our bills now, Remus!”

“So?” Remus said, rolling his eyes.

“So?  Do you want Thomas to miss his rent and end up on the streets?”

“Yes!” Remus said with a bright grin.

“Of course you do,” Roman mumbled, rolling his own eyes.  “Thanks for the help.  So glad there’s two of us doing this job.”

Remus flipped him off as he sank out.

In all honesty, Roman really should have known better than to ask Remus for help.  But regardless, he’d given it a shot, and it had left him with no idea, less time to think of one, and fewer options.

Deceit or Anxiety.

Again, an obvious choice, really.

“Why Roman, I was most definitely expecting your visit,” Deceit said, a smile already forming on his face as he opened the door.  “You so often make trips to this side of the mindscape.”

“I don’t, but that’s not the point,” Roman said.  “You’re a creative side, in your own way, right?”

“Of course, I understand your plight completely,” Deceit said, leaning against the doorframe.  “Things are so difficult for you nowadays.”

“I know, right?” Roman exclaimed, because he couldn’t help it.  It was actually really nice to have someone acknowledge that his job had just gotten significantly harder.  He hadn’t expected such understanding from Deceit, but he was glad to have it from someone.  “I didn’t think being in charge of Thomas’ job would be so much work!”

“Of course not, why would you?” Deceit said with a sympathetic nod.

“Exactly, I—” Roman caught himself, running a hand through his hair.  “Sorry, I’m not trying to be a bother.  I’m sure you have other things going on, it’s just…” Roman hesitated, looking up at Deceit.  “I didn’t expect you to be so understanding.”

“Well as you said yourself, I am something of a creative side myself,” Deceit said, waving his hand.  “Thomas lies every time he performs, after all.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’d define it quite like that,” Roman said, rubbing the back of his neck.  Wait, no, if he wanted to win Deceit over in this interaction, he needed to be obliging.  “But I can absolutely see where you’re coming from.  That’s not why I’m here, though.  I, er, I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment?  If you’re not too busy.”

“Too busy for you?  Never,” Deceit said with a smirk, though he stepped out of his room and shut the door instead of letting Roman come in.  He gestured for Roman to follow him, and when Roman did, he led them both over towards the kitchen.

Roman wasn’t super thrilled at the idea of talking about this out in the open, but he was using Deceit’s time.  It was only fair Deceit got to pick the location, he supposed.

Deceit simply sat down at the table and looked at Roman expectantly, raising an eyebrow.

Roman sat down in the other chair across from Deceit and cleared his throat.  “I, well, I was thinking about what Thomas should make next.  And I was trying to narrow down the very long list of ideas I definitely have.”

“Of course,” Deceit said smoothly.

“And they’re just all so amazing, naturally, that I’m having trouble doing it,” Roman said, trying a dramatic flair with his hands to show how confident he definitely was.

“That sounds like such a difficult problem to have,” Deceit said with a nod.

“So I was wondering if you had any thoughts.  Just so I could, you know, have an idea of some kind of consensus.”

Deceit smiled, folding his hands together.  “Oh Roman, what a brilliant idea,” he said.  “You truly are an intelligent side to know to come to me for help.”

“Heh, yeah, thanks,” Roman said, trying to puzzle out why that didn’t exactly feel like a compliment when Deceit clearly meant it as one.

“And of course I’ll help in any way I can,” Deceit said.  “I’m just surprised you want it from me.”

Roman blinked.  “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m one of the big bad villains, aren’t I?  Anxiety and Remus and I all just want to hurt you, don’t we?  That’s what you’ve all decided on?” Deceit said.

“Oh, I— I mean that’s not—”

“And here you are, asking for my help like we’ve never done you any wrong in your life.  Wow, you really are such a forgiving side, Roman.  And I admire your ability to admit you need help doing your job.  Not many sides would have the confidence to do that, you know.”

“Um, thank you,” Roman muttered, though he was suddenly not feeling as confident as Deceit seemed to think he was.

“It’s alright, you can rest assured that I don’t see you any differently at all,” Deceit said, reaching out and patting Roman on the arm.  “In fact, I still have total confidence in your ability to complete this task without my help.  But I’m so humbled that you’ve asked for my opinion anyway.  You surely don’t need it.”

Roman blinked.  “Uh, right,” he said, trying to work that statement out in his head.  Deceit was being kind, right?  That’s what was happening?  “That’s… right?”

“That’s right?  You know what, you’re right, Roman.  I could never insult you with the assumption that you need my help with something as simple as doing your job.  I’ve always admired you so, after all, and your amazing ability to perform as Thomas’ Creativity with astounding capability.”

“Oh, I mean, I wouldn’t be upset if you—”

“No, I can’t,” Deceit said, turning his head to the side, seeming deeply troubled by something.  “I can’t possibly interfere with your process, not when it’s led to such success in the past.  Please forgive me for thinking of such an idea for even a moment, Roman.”

“What?  No, I—”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t,” Deceit said, shaking his head, seemingly in disgust with himself.  “How dare I insinuate that the outstanding Roman needs any help whatsoever.  I should go.  I’m terribly sorry, Roman.”

With that, he swept out of the kitchen, leaving Roman to blink in confusion and wonder what in the world had just happened.

“It’s okay,” Roman said to empty air, suddenly feeling very small.

…

Roman sort of gave up shopping for ideas after that.  It’s not like Anxiety was going to be of any help, obviously, and Logan… he could do this himself.  Deceit was right.  He shouldn’t bother anyone else when he couldn’t successfully do his own job.

Giving up looking for them elsewhere did not get him any closer to coming up with an idea himself, though, and Roman was beginning to panic.  The day Thomas had said he needed an idea from him was rapidly approaching, and Roman was coming up empty.

Today he and Thomas were going to meet up together to see how things were going, and Roman was… not looking forward to it, to put it lightly.

He had nothing.  He had a blank notebook.  This was ridiculous, he was so good at coming up with ideas, it used to be all he did, and now he was incapable of doing his job just because of a tiny bit of pressure?

…Except it wasn’t tiny at all.  The fact that Thomas needed him to work at a speed and degree he never had before or they risked not being able to afford food or their apartment was immensely stressful.

But come on, it was an idea.  Roman’s entire purpose was coming up with the damn things!  He used to be able to do it in his sleep.

He dropped his head down on his desk, in the vague hope it would shake something loose in his brain and all his problems would disappear.

It wasn’t working.

When Thomas inevitably called him, Roman shoved the ball of nerves in his stomach as far down as it would go and rose up with a blindingly bright smile that had never felt this fake before.

“Thomas, what a lovely surprise!” he called.

“We were planning this meeting, Princey.”

“That we were!  Unfortunately, I am going to have to reschedule.  I was just in the middle of narrowing down my dozens and dozens of miraculous ideas when you called me, and I don’t have a single one to give you.”

“Hmm, well it seems like that’s an omen of doom on the horizon,” came a familiar irritating voice along with terrible eerie music.

“You should quit and go back to chemical engineering Thomas,” Anxiety said.  “You didn’t have to worry about money then.”

“No one asked your opinion Spiderfreak Chronicles,” Roman snapped, ignoring his dread and his panic and the feeling that Anxiety was completely right.

“Seriously, Anxiety, not helpful,” Thomas groaned.

“It really isn’t,” Roman said, crossing his arms.

“Hey, I’m just pointing out facts,” Anxiety said, holding up his hands.  “And those facts are that you’re doomed to fail and putting this much trust in Princey was always a terrible idea and you should keep working towards something that will actually help you instead of this foolish fantasy.”

“Ugh, you’re impossible,” Roman groaned, looking up at the ceiling.  “I do not like you.”

He half hoped for Logan to rise up and be irritated that Anxiety was claiming to represent facts, when in reality he was saying things that weren’t true in the slightest, obviously, and Roman definitely had this whole thing handled.

But Logan didn’t appear, because of course he didn’t, and how dare Roman expect anything from him right now, honestly.  What was wrong with him?

“I’m just trying to prepare you for the inevitability of your embarrassing failure,” Anxiety said with a shrug.

“That is not helping,” Roman snapped, because it really wasn’t.

“Okay, look, I really don’t have the energy for this right now,” Thomas grumbled.  “Princey, just have an idea narrowed down by tomorrow, okay?”

Tomorrow?

“Of course Thomas!” Roman said brightly.  “That won’t be a problem at all!  I’ll go do that right now!”

Roman sank out to his room and immediately started pacing back and forth, shaking his hands out in panic.

Tomorrow?  He had to have an idea ready to present to Thomas by tomorrow?  How in the world was he supposed to do that?

He’d already tried looking for ideas elsewhere.  He couldn’t admit to Thomas that he had nothing.  What was he supposed to do?  How in the world had Logan managed to do this?

Roman paused.  Logan.

No, he couldn’t.  He… Logan was…

Roman shook himself slightly.  He turned to his mirror, checked his appearance, and fixed his hair.

Desperate times.

Roman sank out to the commons instead of sinking out straight into Logan’s room, because that was probably smarter.  Hesitantly, he knocked on Logan’s door, three times because that’s what Logan preferred, and stood back slightly and waited.

Eventually, Logan opened it, and his gaze soured the second he noticed Roman.  “What do you want,” he said, not really asking a question.

“I…” Roman said weakly.  “I’m sorry.  I need your help.”

Logan’s gaze soured even further.  “Find another side.”

“I tried!” Roman said desperately.  “Please, Logan, I’m sorry, I— I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’ve never done this before.  Thomas wants me to have an idea by tomorrow and I’m out of them, I— I can’t—”

“If you don’t know what you’re doing you shouldn’t have pushed for Thomas to make this switch in the first place,” Logan snapped.  “You take my job and my pride out from under me and then come and beg me for help?”

“Thomas wanted this,” Roman said quietly, looking down.  “It makes him so happy to make things he loves, Logan.”

“So I don’t make Thomas happy then?” Logan said, his own voice going quiet.  “Is that what you’re saying?”

“No.  Logan, I—” Roman squeezed his eyes shut.  “I just don’t know how you did it.  How did you pace yourself without burning out?  Did you make a schedule, or is it different when you don’t have to do it all yourself?  Could we maybe… could we maybe try working together on this?”

He looked hesitantly up towards Logan, only to immediately feel a sharp stab of panic at the rage in Logan’s eyes.

“You shove me to the sidelines,” Logan said lowly.  “You make me unimportant and useless to Thomas.  You insist on trying to handle everything yourself, and then you come and beg me for help?  Are you trying to insult me?”

“Logan, you’re not unimportant, and you’ll never be useless.  I thought— I thought you might want to keep working with Thomas on his job.  I need help, and you want to help, shouldn’t— shouldn’t that solve the problem?”

“I don’t want to help,” Logan said, drawing himself upright.  “With your pointless, terrible, unessential ideas.  We were doing something important.  And now we’re throwing it all away to make stupid jokes.  How is anyone ever going to take us seriously ever again?”

“I—”

“And for the record,” Logan said, leaning closer and causing Roman to lean back.  “I never needed help.  If you’re really that poorly cut out for this, maybe you shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place.  Figure it out, Roman.  And leave me alone.  You’ve done enough.”

Logan stepped back and shut the door before Roman could get another word in.

Roman stared at the door for a while, trying to calm any of the rushing thoughts in his head.

He was right.  Logan was right.  Roman couldn’t ask for his help now, he had already been selfish enough.  He’d wanted this so badly, and he’d dug his own grave with not knowing what would come with it.  He couldn’t ask for help from Logan.  He shouldn’t need help from anyone.  This was his job, he should be able to do it by himself.

Roman buried his head in his hands and took a shaky breath.  Then he sank out to his room, walked over to his desk, and sat down in front of a blank piece of paper.

He was going to sit here until some workable idea fell out of his brain, no matter the quality.  And then he was never going to allow himself to consider asking for help ever again.

…

“Huh,” Thomas said, looking up from the paper Roman had passed him.  “That could work.  It would definitely take pretty low effort to just set up and film in my living room.  What do you want to call it?”

“I have no idea,” Roman said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Something about identity, maybe?  You’re exploring yourself and us sides, right?  Or, you know, the good ones, me and Logic and Morality.  Anxiety can do something else.”

“So you really just want to make a video where you introduce yourself to my fans.  Do you just want a more direct spotlight, Princey?” Thomas teased, giving him a smile.

“Of course not!” Roman said, holding a hand to his chest as if he was offended.  “Why would I be giving Morality and Logic chances to talk too if that was the case?”

“Fair enough,” Thomas said with a small smile.  “Well, I think that could work pretty well actually.  Do you want to start working on the script tomorrow?”

Something inside Roman started screaming.  “Of course!” he said, keeping his smile wide.  “I will be back here tomorrow Thomas!  I think this is going to go well!”

“I think so too, Princey,” Thomas said with a smile.

Well, at least that meant Roman hadn’t let any of his dread filter through.  Now he just had to keep this up forever.

He’d be fine.  This would be fine.  He didn’t need help.  He was Prince Roman, and he was Thomas’ Creativity, and he had this whole thing so handled.

Being in charge of Thomas’ living was a piece of cake.

#sanders sides #roman sanders #character thomas sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders angst #oh look I'm hurting roman again what a surprise #tw manipulation #my fic

[theminecraftbox]

Was there ever a time where you wrote a torture method, traumatizing experience, reaction etc. that at the time you thought were interesting/fitting for the characer but later found... over the top and tacky (?) I guess (Not sure if that’s the right word to use). Or found that the way you wrote it was just lackluster and that the theme could be explored better but you don’t know how?

The most obvious example I could give would be how a lot of anime uses r*pe as a cheap shock factor, rather than a truly horrifying experience. Like a quick shortcut to show how evil the bad guy is.

(Really hoping this doesen’t come across as passive aggressive since the entire blog is pretty much focused on torture. I swear I’m not side-eyeing any of your posts, just genuinely curious if you’re secretly sitting on a file of drafts that you find cringeworthy not because they’re about torture, but because said torture has no class)

TBH this is a question I find pretty interesting.

In general, I do firmly believe that, like, self-indulgence is the name of the game! I think about the things I think are fun, I write about the things I think are fun. I honestly think that fiction (and ESPECIALLY fan fiction) doesn’t have any kind of responsibility to… have a point, I guess, for so, so, so many reasons.

Fiction isn’t real. It’s a safe place to explore the darkest and weirdest directions of the human psyche. It’s a place to imagine things that are ludicrous or unrealistic or extreme. On the topic of fic/stories specifically: some topics are easier or more palatable to explore via fiction than via analysis/discussion.

And far more importantly: it is literally impossible to create something that pleases everyone, or that everyone finds “in good taste”. I’m quite positive that there are plenty of people who find some of the things I write to be in poor taste (I’ve even encountered a few). This does not bother me.

What is disgusting or over-the-top to one reader is cathartic or fascinating or morbidly thrilling to another; what one audience finds as in poor taste or cheap or even as damaging, is venting to another. This can be true of fluff or fix-its too: what is reductive or insulting or unrealistic to one reader might be comforting to another. (For myself: I can tolerate extremely dark topics far better than I can tolerate fic that I think is too saccharine/minimizing. This is not a judgment of quality or morality; it is a difference in taste.)

Things written for shock value: maybe they’re written for shock value! Maybe they’re even written badly. Maybe they’re written without depth or class. Maybe they are even part of a structural trope pattern that is worthy of criticism!But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be written or that they shouldn’t be read, just because of that.

I would even answer that, yes, I’ve written things I’ve decided are Too Much either for my own tastes or for how (illogically or not) I want my own tastes to be perceived. Definitely things in my past, probably things in my future too. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have a stack of things I’m sitting on, though.

#look I have my fun little torture blog because I think that fictional abuse is fun and neat to explore #anyway my stance is that everyone should Go Crazy and write literally whatever makes their id happy #and then provide the tags appropriate to the platform

[fierceawakening]

That makes sense.

I guess the question really is… are feelings *ist? Because I think there’s a lot of rhetoric that makes it sound like feelings can be. Like, if someone is disgusted by members of a group… is that a feeling or a value judgment or both? Does it depend on how the person expresses or copes with experiencing that?

I also suspect part of the issue I’m having is just that… some posts start out with a narrow audience and then get seen by everyone. Like… someone explained the laziness doesn’t exist stuff as a way ND people express “my teachers were wrong to call me lazy when I had a disabling condition.” Where… sometimes people don’t do what they promise, and sometimes that hurts others. So the person thinking “fuck me Brad is lazy” isn’t thinking disabilities don’t impair people—they’re upset with Brad.

Or.. I feel the same way sometimes about “fully automated luxury communism” posts. Like… I get that the general idea is actually “wouldn’t it be nice if society worked like Star Trek describes?” And that the people saying this likely feel that their jobs are busy work, so they’re venting.

But when I look at it, my immediate thought is “that only works if we’re certain NO ONE is poor or indigent, and while maybe an ideal communist society will fix that, no form of societal structure has been shown yet to eliminate poverty. So are you getting fully automated luxury at others’ expense? Maybe you should work, in some sense, even if it’s not the sense we now have.”

I guess… that’s what it is for me. That a lot of Tumblr talks about work as if it’s just some busywork some powerful person makes you do for their amusement while dangling money that you dance for.

When to me… work can definitely be pointless, but the idea of it is… society is interdependent and we all need each other. So the idea of “fully automated luxury” doesn’t sound just like… people resting because goddamn do most of us need it. It sounds like people opting out.

WHILE they loudly condemn the billionaires who do, practically speaking, opt out. Who don’t put their billions to use providing for society. It feels like, “well, I’m poor, so I deserve for everyone to carry me for a while,” without saying for how long? In what ways?

And that to me feels… offensive to my values in a way. I can’t MAKE people contribute. But I do feel profoundly uncomfortable when they talk like the ideal is luxury, because I immediately wonder “at whose expense?”

But saying that sounds like picking on kids on the internet. So I just sit here feeling vague unease, reading posts about how the Protestant work ethic is evil and wondering “once it’s gone, who will we not protect because we’re luxuriating?”

Cause it’s like. Sure, you get to want to opt out. But when you DO it, as this guy did, you’re not necessarily sticking it to the man. You might be sticking it to ME, who may be misguided or wrong or too Protestant, but is actually trying to help.

And like… disability is a reason, but not an excuse. If you can’t work, you need to say so. Not say that you can and then roll your eyes at people because what did they expect, you only have so many spoons. Tell us you have six spoons max, not twelve.

[semper-legens]

155. Y: The Last Man, book one, by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra

Owned: No, library Page count: 246 My summary: One day, for no reason anyone could divine, all of the men on Earth died at once. Everyone with a Y chromosome fell prey to this sweeping arm of death - except two. Yorick, and his pet monkey. Now the world is in ruins, but all Yorick wants is to find his girlfriend who is half the world away. But everyone else wants him dead... My rating: 2/5 My commentary:

I had heard good things about this comic, despite its premise being a bit wonky, and I come away ridiculously disappointed by it. I’m sorry, this story was just not interesting. The assumptions that it makes about gender, the criticisms it makes towards feminism, the blandness of the main character...I didn’t see much in it to like, and I am definitely not going to be reading the rest.

My main beef with the story is the Amazons, a feminist group that appears after the men die for...some reason. They’re crazy! They burn sperm banks, believe all men are evil and should be killed (despite that having, you know, happened as far as they know), and burn off a breast to make archery easier for...some reason. They’re hateful and villainous and, like, this isn’t what a lot of feminism is. Oh sure, radfems are like this in real life, but this is less a nuanced criticism of radical feminist thought and more LOOK AT ALL THOSE MAN-HATIN’ FEMINISTS, THEY SURE ARE EVIL, you know what I mean? I really question why a group like this would appear after all the men are dead.

Secondarily, the assumptions this book makes about gender are...questionable? I don’t doubt that the stats it quotes about which professions have now lost a lot of their personnel are accurate to 2002, when this first released, but just because 99% of all electricians, say, are dead, doesn’t mean that nobody with those skills survived. You can know how to do a thing and not be a professional in that field. Where are all the car-fixin’ butch lesbians? And would all the men dying necessarily cause an apocalyptic scenario like this? It’s not like, historically, in scenarios without men, women haven’t just. Got on with things. Like in the world wars, or in towns where all the men were killed in mines or at sea.

You notice how I’ve gotten this far without talking about the main character? That’s because Yorick is boring as fuck. He’s just a generic straight white guy. Everyone else wants to bone and/or murder him (in a gender-swapped version of this, girl!Yorick would almost certainly be immediately enslaved for breeding, but guy!Yorick gets to wander around and be free through the power of manliness) but all he wants is to find his boring girlfriend and be boring together. There are so many characters in this sort of world I would want to follow, and the narrative is not interested in any of them.

And, I’m sorry, this book’s treatment of trans people is disgusting. Not only have all trans women and transfeminine people been murdered out of hand by this mysterious plague that only affects people with a Y chromosome (chromosomes are not that simple, but I digress), but the one time the series acknowledges trans men is by a character mentioning a boyfriend, then to say that ‘she’ was a ‘tr*nny’ who was murdered by the Amazons despite not being a ‘real’ guy. I don’t think I need to say why this is horrible.

Next up, something far better - history, and a cautionary tale about getting trapped in the Antarctic ice.

#Y The Last Man #Brian K Vaughan #Pia Guerra #bookblr #book blog #2

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i have gone on and on about the devil here in what i suppose is a tl;dr of “i love drama, i love Akd Lucifer I Love You b/c [akd] and i do already think lucifer the devil is fun as a neutrally to sympathetically regarded dynamic being, i.e. being a lens for Whatever re: the human experience”

naturally i love things wherein the devil is like, a whole character through which the human experience is questioned, b/c for me being raised catholic now nonreligious it’s like well i sure know a good amount of Lore and then it’s really fun to explore that secularly / or at least wherein you’re not worried about blaspheming or heresy or anything when it’s like whoops, the thoroughly christian approach of “questioning your own faith / religion / god Is A Sin or at the very least like, the devil has a foot in the door, like when you respect other religions too much” type deal and can get exegetical & flexible. like what does any given religion mean for The Human Experience On Earth, in how people understand it & how their interaction / relationship with their own spiritual practices/beliefs affects their interaction / relationship with the world. which is Something when again another very christian thing can be like, oh this earthly realm doesn’t matter beyond whether you, individually, manage to spend your Eternal Life in heaven or hell, want the protestant work ethic where conveniently for some, you’d better reject any desire for earthly indulgences & instead righteously labor & endure material suffering? hope there’s nothing bad that can come out of cultivating any us vs them insular perspective where also questioning authority is wrong & dangerous & also things can only Really get good when we die / the world ends. & evangelism as a vehicle for religious war / paternalistic power structures. and who is questioning an authority like the devil is lol

anyways and naturally that Thee devil (christianity edition) doesn’t really crop up much definitively until suddenly a bunch of new testament mentions, and old testament stuff is like, is this even necessarily the same entity, there’s a serpent, there’s book of revelations dragons & whatever else is going on in there, there can be satans who are A satan vs Thee satan, it’s just like [not much definitive Hell lore] too of course & that you’ve got sheol, gehenna, hades, tartarus....and that there even being Fallen Angels isn’t definitively textual anywhere in the old testament, & there’s more like, there can be a satan who’s an angel who leaves heaven, tries to get humanity to sin, but is still of heaven / returns there when souls show up like oh you see, you sinned, you should be judged accordingly, & is there to serve as like, executioner for god. an adjudicator. but anyways that this is just that angel’s heavenly role, a la when there’s antics like satan being like “hey god i bet job wouldn’t worship you or whatever if he weren’t so blessed” and god being like “lol alright well let’s see then” like well, that’s just The job, sorry job. where it’s then really Something with like modern ideas of thee devil as Evil & God’s Enemy, yet still essentially having this role of [serving heaven & just being the hangman righteously punishing sinners] like, how’s that make sense lmfao, that’s not really in opposition to god for the evil devil who loves it when you sin to go hey i’m really disgusted & disappointed that you sinned & now i’m here to actively punish you for it. like Oh Kay but what a weirdo lmfao. basically still just doing a job there / how does that Necessarily oppose god

and then speaking of the fallen angels book of watchers lore it’s like. well there yeah it’s about nephilim like hey you watched too hard and were like humans are great and i love them and oops i’m having angelic sex with them, and that’s where you fall. just doing the job....yet for the idea of the devil being an Especial fallen angel has some different lore from various strains of ideas, lucifer coming into the mix, One Passage in i think ezekiel about a finely adorned cherub who was there in eden who was perfect upon creation until unrighteousness was found in them or whatever, again Extrapolated to be like okay so this one fallen angel / conflated with other mentioned figures, say, A Serpent....and then it’s like, all various interpretations about who this figure might be / what the whole deal is. like the eventual positing like oh lucifer’s problem? had to have been Too Much Pride, goething before a fall(tm). and then frankly it’s a lot of ideas like okay but who what where when why how did Pride become Falling. and there’s like, well, lucifer wanted to be better than god, or equal to god, or supplant god? lucifer knew that angels were supposed to serve humans, once humans were created, despite their inferiority to angels? lucifer knew that god would become human and because of that specific situation, angels would have to recognize that human as superior to themselves / their god, and was like, Hell no? the last one is so Especially wild b/c it’s like hello, the incarnation of jesus had to happen to cancel out humanity’s original sin which apparently happens because of the devil’s temptation, who has already fallen before the creation of the universe. what kind of closed loop? if lucifer had Foreknowledge of jesus’s existence then could lucifer Not rebel if that rebellion is simply already A Truth / essentially an inescapable fate? and here it’s like this is just like judas, apparently humanity Had to betray jesus to be saved, someone had to be the fall(tm) guy whether they were in on it or not? not to mention everyone else who might be implicated in the events. and even re: jesus, like, is this predestined, is there free will there? like how a person with no original or derivative (lol) sins had to be jesus’s mom but also got to agree to that. would being like “eh, i’d rather not” have been a sin. the idea that sin is an effect of an abuse / misuse / corruption of one’s free will, what’s all this mean, what’s it mean when there’s divine scripts that Must &/or Will play out and some people Must &/or Will sin accordingly

and of course having to decide “btw. what Is evil itself” before The Problem Of Evil re: having an omnipotent omniscient benevolent god, the idea that evil must’ve been created by god / god had/has some active role/responsibility in the existence of evil, the idea of “no to all of that,” the idea that evil is itself a necessary evil b/c it builds humanity’s character, or b/c it’s simply a byproduct of free will, or of creation itself, though it was not directly created & is rather an Absence of good like darkness as the absence of light, but not itself substantial / existing in its own right outside that context. and re: the devil that it’s like oh we can simply decide that the one thing definitely going on there is Separation from god, which may itself be what we consider Evil to be, or what have you. but you know, if even there is a thee devil as an entity who chose to separate themself from god without external temptation (which would suggest that evil exists without the devil as the originator, as is also an idea out there, vs a more manichean or zoroastrian model of light vs dark / creation vs destruction, although naturally i think it’s obvious that those ideas are associated with god vs the devil currently, as certainly is Good vs Evil, vs more simply god vs separation from / absence of god) it’s like. okay i lost my train of thought during that parenthetical aside lmfao but it’s like, is there necessarily malice required in that, or any drive for Evil / destruction, rather than something more neutral. it’s right there in the “hey, you can’t try to be as good as god or better than god or Above obeying god’s commands or whatever” that lucifer thee devil satan isn’t god, does that then suggest inherently being not of god, is that the idea of evil as an inherent byproduct of the creation of beings who are not god, is lucifer doing anything but existing as god’s creation through having pride (where’d that come from? just from being higher up on a hierarchy? what’s the hierarchy for, god? why’s one angel particularly prideful) or through rejection of an existence in complete harmony / unity with god (well i think literal Unity would technically be reserved for persons in the trinity lol. except the idea that jesus was separated from god during the crucifixion b/c Sin is Separation from God and jesus had to take on humanity’s sin for the whole thing to work) or rejection of some idea of what angels Have to do. which are all things that are byproducts of lucifer being a created being, where one can’t exercise free will to choose to have been created, but now here you are, not fully of god, which is a fact that maybe has inherent evil, and/or the idea that somehow evil was introduced into the heavenly situation Spontaneously. what was to be done lol. if one was created and then the creator was like “hope you’re ready to serve some humans” and one was like “what? to Hell with that” and then that necessarily results in choosing total separation from god, what’s going on there? what of the idea lucifer the devil was choosing Independence from god. or otherwise seeking some form of autonomy in either straightforward separation / deviation from god’s will and/or trying to rebel. if temptation/sin is Good For humanity b/c it teaches us to exercise our own wills correctly, which happens to be in alignment with god, is lucifer, who is not god & thus not perfect, not potentially bettered through temptation/sin. even if things are essentially shrugged off as A Mystery like well it’s divine being things and an inherently superior & alien matter that mere humanity can’t even grasp and it’s Different when lucifer the devil sinned b/c there was no other tempter & it was a completely informed decision, made in heaven, for total separation, it’s like damn couldn’t choose Partial separation? if there was Foreknowledge involved, why would the devil choose that total separation? why would a lesser being who’d know they couldn’t defeat god then or ever still decide to exist in eternal separation & supposed opposition to god anyways? what’s going on there. sounds like a lot of drama. are they making a point

which i’m saying is a segue b/c that paragraph is already quite long. into the idea “well since in this christian scenario, god is omnipotent, and Only god is omnipotent, why doesn’t god just destroy the devil” like [why do we exist, only to suffer?] problem of evil and where like. the idea “oh god just wants to make a point, kind of like with job, like oh you see? evil can’t win even if i don’t try to snuff it out in the first place. but also i Will destroy you eventually anyways, after the point’s been made to humanity maybe, or to you, the devil” but wherein again it’s like, this suggests that evil can’t exist without this specific entity, the devil, which is a particular Idea about things, but not the only idea about it all....certainly relevant how The Devil also sure hasn’t always been largely considered a major figure in christianity and could be like this sort of comedic impish side character lol. vs a threatening malicious adversary. just a funny little guy. but even if it’s the theoretical threatening malicious adversary, that’s only to humans, omnipotent omniscient god knows they can’t lose to the devil one way or another, and maybe the devil knows that too, why wouldn’t they. and yet they chose this path, why? let’s hear from the devil. are they like, well doing this means taking on this inevitable fate, but i too can do shit to just make a point? that’s very interesting to me lol. but anyways, there’s then also the idea that god must love lucifer the devil as one of god’s creations, thus refusing to destroy them. and also the idea that god cannot love lucifer b/c of the total separation / association with sin (is this a “an omnipotent god created a boulder so large the omnipotent god themself couldn’t move it” situation, or just a technicality i guess lol, or is it the same thing here, i.e. “if god can do anything can there be situations in which god Can’t do something, b/c that should be possible”). and also the idea that god won’t Destroy the devil anyways, the devil will simply eventually be out there, separated from god still, while ig humanity and the rest of creation Isn’t, or whatever is supposed to happen there. but that initial separation happened before the existence of that universe / while lucifer was totally in & of heaven, so couldn’t it happen again lol, here’s someone else who is separated. what’s Evil look like without anything else to affect, theoretically? what’s the separation look like. “eternal torment, totally” is an answer, but yknow, An idea about it. is that what that separation is like already? there’s also the idea that having fully chosen that separation / that separation itself means lucifer Can’t repent or whatever, but what’s tormenting them otherwise? is it just like ooh ouch eternal fire yep, ouch this sucks, also where’d this fire zone come from?? then there’s the idea that the shitty fire zone (gehenna style) can like, at least redeem Humans, who get to go to heaven eventually. why can’t it potentially do that for lucifer. can lucifer not theoretically repent or exercise free will again to go “well, i’ve Done the separation thing, now to the next thing.” can god not forgive lucifer. back to the idea of judas too, can he not be forgiven / redeemed. if judas had to do all that, lucifer had to do all that as part of the process also. is judas the first guy to betray someone to collect their bounty. jesus was getting crucified with a couple other utter randos too. like yep you too man? sucks. and again it’s about the angle of like, i love drama, i am also an existing human of the world, i don’t have to be reaching for conclusive christian theodicy / apologism here, the interest is like, what do these religious ideas mean re: humanity’s experience on earth and understanding of that experience. what happens to one’s prayers for judas or the devil. who’s got that quote. mark twain about who’s had the common humanity to pray for the devil as the sinner who needed it most. again, it’s maybe not so much of a generally christian idea about being able to question and Argue with god, much less that being like, righteous lmfao but it’s sure out there like hey god could you start doing this / stop doing That / Not do this thing you said you’re gonna do / hey god uhhh what the hell re: this thing you did. can you not flood the whole world again. watch me spend the whole night wrestling with an angel or maybe straightup god. what would be the point of minding one’s own business entirely like well so long as I’m going to heaven, nothing to pray For but myself, save as is obligatory re: thanks / worship, which is also just about Staying Right myself. lazarus couldn’t go “hey can you have me be alive again,” and yet. and again someone interested in it from the personal religious angle could decide to leave it at “idk it’s just Different for the devil than it is for people, and Unfathomable b/c the situation & entities are totally different from the human experience” and call it a day but it’s like well, zzz, b/c i’m here for the [how is everything understood re: the human experience]

then speaking of humanity, also the idea that Evil sprung from humans’ Original Sin in eden, which only involved a serpent’s temptation vs necessarily any introduction of evil externally. even though also there’s the argument like oh it totally was, which is what made it Different for humanity vs when lucifer did it. cue the post about god going “okay now definitely Don’t eat the fruit of this one tree that’s riiight over there....i’m omnisciently turning my back & stepping out for a while....” when there’s the situation of [my cat won’t drink water unless it’s mine so i leave a glass of water around & he thinks he’s being naughty but really he’s staying properly hydrated] and then “god in the garden of eden” tags lol. the idea that temptation/sin is necessary for humanity b/c it is good for the soul, to the point of the idea god has a direct role in the existence of evil. The Knowledge Of Good & Evil, which can possibly be understood via translation of the essence as “knowledge of everything” like [these two books contain the sum of all human knowledge: “what they teach you at harvard” / “what they don’t teach you at harvard” = implication of Everything contained in Diametric Opposite And Diametric Opposite]. the idea of the also barely biblically mentioned lilith as the first wife of adam who was like banished for refusing to be obedient / subservient to adam. lucifer banished for refusing to be obedient / subservient to god, and/or to humanity, as required by god. the whole “way to get too big for your britches trying to be too much like god” element of eating fruit that gives knowledge of good & evil like lucifer being too big for their britches, who created the britches? where did the [too big for them] tendency come from? and then the idea of what the hell uh. concupiscence. the “if it feels good / if you’re having fun, it’s probably a sin” (especially catholic) thing, like that it’s this Sensual Desire that drives people to sin, self indulgence, you’re probably too horny, don’t enjoy sex or flavors or creature comforts or anything that’s just A Good Time for its own sake. (But....if you’re holy enough you can actually have all those ecstasies but like, in the good way) lilith being Sexually Wanton just because. watcher angels falling b/c they were in love with / having sex with humans. the devil being sexy as hell (lucifer edition as the concept of being like, especially adorned, especially Beautiful) (that classic art history moment of “oh my god no that statue of lucifer is too fucking sexy” [next commissioned statue of lucifer intended to replace it is even sexier] “Nooooooooooooooo”) any Temptation being like a sexual seduction, is this serpent phallic, is the devil getting sexy with eve and that entwining? and now we just Know eve fucked adam over b/c he was corrupted by horniness due to her being a woman. what is god to the love of your wife. what is god to the love of a human woman who is also your wife i guess, fallen angels living among humans and having children with them. is the devil necessarily just bitterly trying to ruin things for Everyone too like well im dragging humanity down, does he devil not think they themself are justified & that humanity might not be helped / improved via rebellion against god too, what if the devil Thinks that, but doesn’t think they’re serving god, but that idea applies that actually evil is necessary b/c temptation & sin Do improve humanity? thinking of c.s. lewis just casually asserting a pretty Out There idea for most christianity that someone can be fully nonchristian & recognize/worship an entirely different god but, through acts which nonetheless serve christian god / are righteous according to christianity, are for all intents & purposes Saved / acknowledged in turn by christian god. naturally mayhaps a bit patronizing there lmfao but that’s trying to reconcile [there’s definitely christian heaven & everyone needs to get there through christian god] with the existence of nonchristians who are Nonetheless(tm) out there in the world seeming to be Good People to a christian despite a lack of what might be believed to be requirements for salvation like baptism / declaration of faith type stuff allowing for Saving Grace which human nature itself cannot achieve (calvinism & predestination & what all....) like if humanity Needs the devil, why is the devil condemned? if humanity needed that hydration by being naughty in the garden of eden, and that could only come about via the devil’s involvement, why is the devil condemned? is the devil then not something of a requisite sacrifice For Humanity, if so? like jesus? like judas, if Someone needed to betray jesus? and Someone needed to exist to tempt judas to that act? humanity staying condemned to separation from god / inescapable original sin b/c suddenly everything played out theoretically Ideally and everyone just stopped sinning, ever, like damn nobody will sacrifice jesus. welp. funny to then think of c.s. lewis’s funky wrangling of the situation in the lion the witch & the wardrobe like well the devil is a mean lady who wants to be in charge. original sin is when some child who’s being a real whiny bitch lately about being a child and world war two and all meets that lady, doesn’t know she’s lying or has evil fairy food & is like yeah i could stand a snack, i’m like 7. then it’s like well you just have to die from there, despite also being rude from there wanting to throw your siblings under the bus even though still one doesn’t exactly grasp the consequences, due to a lack of being informed / also being a child. you do still have to die though, but jesus will intervene on that one, and realizing that actually being with the devil sucks even though she could’ve just kept being indulgent, means that it’ll be like yeah alright, i’m Improved now, so actually this helped even if theoretically i should’ve avoided all this? and lewis is also trying to slip things past like the argument that jesus must be god b/c the only alternatives are lying, and he doesn’t act like a bad person who would lie, or insanity, and he doesn’t act like an insane person who would genuinely think they’re god, which like yeah that’s totally how things work, thanks man lmfao, truly now we’ve solved [not being christian]. next he’s gonna go off about how schools are terrible but also schoolchildren are wretches and adults are too soft & indulgent by entertaining things like psychology or to not use corporal punishment. or like be vegetarians or something. funny things that bother him as like symptoms of, or perhaps facilitators of, moral turpitude. whilest then the best thing you can be is simply like. more ignorant lol? the Innocence of younger children and, in turn, the increased purity of their faith, good job being 5. and, naturally, a distant confusing gesture at someone turning away from their faith as an adult trying to live in their reality, separated from god. lucifer was created because god chose to create them, and then to be a created being means being separate from god / Not God, which is to be imperfect, and perhaps inherently evil for that [separation from god is itself what Evil is] factor / Creation necessarily resulting in evil as Something, even if simply an absence of / separation from god. is the existence of any non god entity evil? which is an existence that Is because god made that happen? why do we exist, just to suffer? why do we have free will if we can only exercise it one way without separating oneself Further from god, theoretically increasing suffering? what does it mean to have that free will even if (further?) separation from god is never Chosen with it? what does it mean to be created into a Role? and tasked with service to someone else? to humanity, as an angel? to god, as a human? what’s god need with worship? what if no one worshipped god but managed to live in ways that didn’t involve going around trying to murder as many people as possible? what if lucifer is just trying to live their own life without worshipping or obeying god? the version of the lore with them created Into a hierarchy, Into a role that demanded subservience to humanity, or at least a human, into a situation wherein everything they did Had to go one certain way, even if they had a capacity to recognize other possibilities. what is the point of that capacity in angels or humans except to give them the potential to suffer, if it’s theoretically always the wrong, self destructive choice? if the suffering / learning through experience Why it’s wrong is good for humans, why not for angels? again, just not of interest to go “well, but angels should know better, humans wouldn’t” like and yet humans were punished anyways despite this being inevitable i guess, god Knows we like to steal sips from glasses of water & left a glass of water out and pointed it out to us then stopped supervising. and if angels should know better, why didn’t this one? if pride is such an issue, why’s god Need to be recognized by all as superior, when god’s the only omnipotent one anyways & can’t Actually be threatened? yet by rebelling, you gotta go On Principle? again, what’s the devil’s principle here? would they accept this fate of separation from god Knowing they couldn’t win, again, why wouldn’t they know? all in, certainly, once you accept total separation you can’t be even more totally separated, and may as well do whatever if nothing changes that situation. the (not necessarily particularly religiously associated) idea that there’s a strength in embracing failure, and of the concept of Possibilities being embraced by embracing the possibility of past/present/future failure, that one doesn’t have all the answers, that a utopia isn’t going to be like, This is perfect, things Cannot be any other way, This is the way, nothing about this can be wrong, everything about this must be right. lucifer’s inherent problem with authority, i vibe with that lmfao. why do angels have to exist to support their creator and also then other creations who i guess get to be freer than them? why do humans have to support god? certainly paternalistic like, well god just wants what’s best for everyone, and in turn like sure, one can accept that paternalism as a humble recognition of the theoretical fact of one’s own inferiority, being a cat of god’s or the universe’s with limited understanding of what’s beneficial for oneself / a limited perspective, but that’s not my angle here again lol like a secular exploration, we Do have other humans who engage in paternalism / assume authority over others / create hierarchies, and it sure is possible to reject that on principle, wherein that rejection is incompatible with a harmonious existence within, or necessarily even alongside, that situation. people with power over other people stopping them from going after what they want b/c that’s not what they Really want, or at least not what they Really Need, or at least not what’d Really be good for them, or maybe just not what the person in power wants. why would lucifer’s choice to be separated from god at all necessarily have to be both total and permanent? is that a punishment? why is that necessary when theoretically, if god wanted what’s best for lucifer, then lucifer should eventually go “oh hm this sucks worse” about the situation. again, what of an idea about lucifer thinking they’re justified / that they in turn are helping humanity by doing whatever they do, despite their own suffering? humanity maybe being improved by temptation/sin/evil, humanity being eligible for salvation from that, and the devil being a key part of that but Not improved for it / Not saveable? self sacrificing....

who has that quote about old testament god being a villain lol. what’s the devil there. what are they to humanity. the perspective that things like indulgence / selfishness / any traits that may be regarded as limitations, weaknesses, failures, theoretically less than Ideal, are nonetheless a part of human nature and shouldn’t be wholly rejected or condemned, and that the devil recognizes this in their own nature as well as humanity’s & isn’t necessarily a threat. and that’s just like, Atheistic Satanism lol. which i suppose is really the lens here lmao, what does [xyz idea about a The satan explore or express about the human experience]....what of a person whose creator insists they do everything a certain way as dictated by themself (the creator)? where any failure / deviance / rejection / rebellion is equivalent to taking on a total, irrevocable separation? where that creator may still love the person, but that love does nothing for them, if they don’t accept returning to alignment & obedience? where any way the person is different from their creator is dangerous, a flaw, unsympathetic, a door that should stay closed & untouched lest it lead to sin & separation, cast out into the howling wilderness of [absence of the creator & their love]? what’s it mean to Not have the creator control your existence but you just have to always choose to do everything exactly as they’d want you to? what’s it mean if the person causes difficulties / inconveniences for the creator even if nothing is truly threatened by this (e.g. that unless god isn’t omnipotent, the devil can’t have like overthrown the throne or anything)? what’s it mean if the person is simply seeking independence? what’s it mean if the person has some trait the creator doesn’t have and never had and engages with it / behaves accordingly? what if the way they were treated caused certain behavior? what if other people under the creator were favored by that creator and the original person here was required to roll with that / actively support that? what if, also, they related to those other, favored people, as people Also controlled by the creator? what if breaking with the creator is a supposed immutable punishment but also brings freedom and the potential of a fully explored existence? what i’m saying is, very interesting with a lens on lucifer re: power dynamics & systems of abuse, whether interpersonal / individual like within a family unit, and/or like via institutions and broader practices / ideologies. lucifer is created, there is inherent evil in that existence as a being who is not god, lucifer just does their thing, lucifer encourages others to just do their thing. lucifer questioning god, what’s necessarily wrong with that, if god is infinitely benevolent, what’s threatened by questioning any more than an omnipotent god is threatened by disobedience and/or entire rebellion? whilest, if lucifer as god’s stray cat is decimating the bird population (humanity) god’s still like well i Guess, but i can’t just keep that cat inside, they chose to be outside forever. where in that metaphor it’s also like, is it malicious of a cat to kill birds? if it is in lucifer’s nature to be the equivalent of like “father i crave violence” then what of that cat running around wanting to attack something if its violence cravings are an Evil that cannot be indulged? lucifer being Prideful for being decorated and beautiful and elevated above the other angels like, well, how’d all that happen in the first place? why? jesus had like, some of the humblest origins possible. why’s your best angel getting so hyped up if that’s dangerous. lucifer the lost cause problem child who we fucked up with but we’ll do it right with this other one. and then handily it can just be like, well lucifer’s trying to be in charge of everyone, that sucks. but like, god IS in charge of everyone, what about that lol? sorry, should’ve had the very literal divine right to being thee divine king in the nature of your birth? a birth which i chose & caused? why is the devil or any of us alive. what’s threatening about curiosity, or an individual lessening / rejecting a power difference, or questioning a situation or a person, much less an authority? what is the point of life under others’ prescribed path? if lucifer exists, shouldn’t they get to explore that? what of a relationship where your only option for independence means accepting eternal / complete separation? if the nature of their existence includes the inherent fallibility of Not Being God, what of it if they fall? what of it if they tried to be god because they knew they were so good and so powerful? all or nothing, you can be god (you can’t, both on principle & in practice b/c you’re not as all knowing or all powerful or all benevolent) or you can be cast out of heaven. you made them too good, maybe, but again, how’s the nature they were created with their fault lol. is it bad for an angel to question god or anyone to question an authority, or just anyone else. is it bad to reject an existence where well, i won’t Force you, but you do have to do things exactly as it is unilaterally predetermined they should be done or you are fully outta here forever b/c that’s completely incompatible to existing in paradise in the love of your creator. what if lucifer Is loved post fall? what would that result in? what would it look like? and why wouldn’t they be, one way or another, what’s it mean to be loved by god if that’s conditional? what’s provided by that if it’s conditional? what’s existence that accepts that and takes it on? lucifer was created and was like, alright, i’m a creation [is a creature] like well who can argue with that. the idea that fallen angels were like oh we love humans so much we Do wanna marry them. that if lucifer thinks it’s good and/or justified to question and disobey god, would they not also potentially see themself as Actually supporting/serving humanity in ways god doesn’t want them to by imparting them with Knowledge at the cost of increased separation from god / straying from Perfection and an obedience to an existence completely arranged for you and a role predetermined. what's Love or even just a Relationship with an unilateral immutable power difference in the mix.

and of course in all this it’s like “well but what if the devil is wrong and is trying to ruin things / make shit worse for everyone / what if the devil is basically a Destructive Force, zoroastrianism style” like sure but i feel like that’s pretty covered, and again just not relevant to my purposes lol, i’m Interested in well what of the devil as a Dynamic Character with as earnest a perspective as any other being. what would be going on there? what’s the devil as a way to question god in a religion where there’s more of a tradition that That Is Itself Bad? what’s bad about Questioning even if you presuppose that god is, in fact, always right? 

i have gone on and on about it and given that it’s as broad as [any & everything. good & evil, if you will] could continue, as could anyone, but really what this all means is that it’s like Ooh Oh Boy to know more about akd’s Lucifer in The Mysteries. let’s hear and see more from them. and it is so sexy and interesting and fun and i’m raring to see them as a hero / sympathetic neutral figure. what if they’re a funny little guy? what if they think they will cause problems on purpose? what if they feel hurt by god’s treatment of them from the start? and/or disagree with it on principle? what if they represent embracing the full reality of human nature because first they embraced the full reality of their own nature? what if it’s sexy as Hell when they show up to seduce humanity into original sin? what if it’s hopefully sexy and fun when they do anything else too, and engaging, thank you for creating drama? what if [if we can think about jesus/judas romance i’m like Who’s Kissing Akd’s The Devil]? what if i’m also like of course i’d kiss them and also i’d love to do that, let me portray lucifer. the script for the Mysteries is truly Lengthy lmfao i want in on it, let us see it. it’s just like my being hype to get to be Supposed antagonist cassius in fourth grade when we did a few julius caesar scenes, like oh love it, the gender, the drama, but also uh the nefarious conspiracy is like “this guy’s becoming a dictator huh, what if we kill him” like well lmfao. lucifer existing in the face of an absolute and theoretically inflexible authority? i’m listening. oh AND shoutout to akd’s OTHER portrayal of lucifer where they’re enduring the abandonment of humanity as a hypothetical fellow human and then gabriel as a hypothetical fellow human is like i’ve been sent to save you and we end on an angelic chord as lucifer looks like they’re about to cry. like well yes and that too, how About lucifer who is not abandoned? how About their being saved? i would also kiss them.

(oh addendum i forgot that in the midst of writing this i thought of this translated poetry segment:

He told Adam “Your fall is temporary You’ll come back to me” but Adam built a house and called it home)

#unsurprisingly been writing this for hours lol what's going on in there? possibly me forgetting entire points. many tangents #i'm sure i'll go ahead and make a gifset of the shots i think are them tonight also lol #may as well just knock out that next step in [enthusiastic mental tangent] here #i love their acting i love their [distractingly hot] i love their [And the material is like Yes They're Sexy And Being Sensual] #i love their [and the material is about the devil] i love their [i also want to do that that'd be so fun. i'd love to play the devil in #material secularly exploring christian concepts / previous explorations Via those concepts / whatever present thing it could be a lens on] #going ''oh Interesting'' re explorations of the concept of the devil when growing up catholic / growing up in an abusive family situation / #queer / have an automatic problem with authority lol

[mistressaccost]

at first when i heard cassie say

“you can control what i wear, what i eat, who i talk to…”

i was immediately disgusted. and i was thinking: this girl is mentally ill!!! she has lost her ability to think and she’s attempting to give up her physical autonomy as well. she is giving up!!!! this is disturbing and if i EVER have a thought like this i hope someone takes a rock and hits me over the head with it.

and then i kept thinking about it. and thinking about it. and it reminded me of something. this.

and…. ya. i feel disgusted at myself for being so angry at cassie. and i’m just left for with so much sadness for her. she’s not unwell for wanting to believe in something. she’s naive and desperate for security. and is blind to every red flag sure. but her ability to love and wish for love in return is her strength. like fleabag.

yes she’s still unwell and becoming a bad version of herself. but i have more empathy for her in this line after connecting it to fleabag. the desire to believe in something or someone to feel less burdened isn’t necessarily evil. but the degree that she wants it IS unhealthy. and it shows how lost she is inside herself. it’s really heartbreaking to me. and i never thought i’d relate that much to her.

#euphoria #fleabag