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aftgficrec · 3 months

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hi besties! can i be a bit weird and ask for sick fics here? old/new/favorites, any will do! just some big ol’ hurt/ comfort, especially if combined with some emotional hurt/comfort 🥰

There’s nothing weird about this at all! Apart from the fics below, there’s also our sickfic tag as well as our hurt/comfort tag for more (see our tag page under the heading ‘themes - injuries/illnesses/conditions’). - S

Previous recs:

cool andreil sick fics here

sick fics here

foxes with headaches/sick fics here

10k+ sick fics here

Andreil in hospital here

Neil with major injury here

Neil gets injured (post canon) here

Neil & car accidents here

accident-prone Neil here

Andreil with amnesia here

medical Andreil/Aaron & Neil here

Neil getting roofied here

Also see…

‘we're one (there's nothing to be done)’ here

‘Just like that day’ here

‘head case (what to do with you)’ here

‘Such Stuff as Dreams are Made’ here

‘Neil Josten Is a Lucky Man’ here

‘Broken’ here

‘If Only I Were Enough’ (completed) here

‘I'll Come Back To You’ here

‘glass in the trees (objects in the rearview)’ here

‘Running Ragged’ here

‘To Love and Be Loved’ here

‘all that looking down’ here

‘next best thing’, keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?)’ and ‘no matter when and where, we’ll be alright’ here

‘Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe)’, ‘I remeber tears streaming down your face (for me to wipe them away)’, ‘you crawled inside my head’, ‘living leaves so many holes in us’, ‘Ciggarette Smoke Cure’, ‘Breathless’, ‘i've done my time’ and ‘cats and close calls’ here

‘The Highs and Lows of Pre-med Majors' here (Aaron)

‘Hold My Hand?’ here

‘Echo’ here

I’m More Than This Body of Mine by yall_send_help [Rated M, 88811 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

The doctor took a pause, which Nathaniel was able to use to ask, “what about my leg?” The two pigs had the audacity to look surprised. The doctor looked over at them with a hint of confusion. “You didn’t tell him?” Towns shook his head as Browning said, “you told us not to.” Dr. Byrd nodded her head in approval and turned back to the bed. “Nathaniel…” she trailed off, reevaluating her words. “Would you mind if I sit?” and only after his own nod did she. “The damage done to your leg… it was unlike what most of the staff at this hospital had ever seen. The surgeons tried to save it, but…” She looked down at where his legs were and Nathaniel did too, only to feel himself pale at what he found. “The surgery took about three hours,” Dr. Byrd continued. “The only reason why it took so long was because the surgeons really did try to save your leg. They did. Amputations usually take only half that time. Eventually, Dr. McCoy called it. Because of the damage done to your leg, we couldn’t wake you up to ask. It had to go. I’m sorry.” or - the one where neil goes to baltimore and comes back missing a leg

tw: torture, tw: amputation, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: blood, tw: animal cruelty, tw: implied/referenced drug overdose

fireproof by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 2097 words, complete, 2024]

Andrew gets his flu shot.

Things Always Gets Worse Before They Gets Better series by Renee_Walker_09 [Rated G, 40141 words, incomplete, 3 complete works, 2024]

Part 1: Beginnings & Endings (G, 1083 words)

It's 1:30 in the morning. The Foxes are celebrating their championship win against the Ravens the only way they know how to: booze, partying, and a little bit more booze. Nothing could possibly ruin this?

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury

Part 2: You Mean Everything To Me (G, 12767 words)

There are two crashed cars. There’s blood on the floor. Lights are flashing all around. Andrew is standing in the middle of the crash site with a blanket draped across his shoulders as he stares straight at Neil, lying on the floor.

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: (temporary) major character death, tw: suicide attempt, tw: drug overdose, tw: blood, tw: self harm

Part 3: Hours, Days, Weeks (G, 26299 words)

Andrew is lying in a coma following the accident. His condition is critical. And Neil and Aaron have to find a way to cope. Neil and Aaron’s POVs of the crash and the past 6 weeks

tw: car accident, tw: blood, tw: major character injury, tw: (temporary) major character death, tw: self harm, tw: panic attacks, tw: seizures

NB: find art for the fics by the author here as well as embedded in the fics

Even goalkeepers can’t block sickness by BlowingYourMind [Rated G, 12768 words, complete, 2024]

“Rabbit,” Andrew peered up at him with half lidded eyes, “Yes or no?” “Yes ‘Drew,” Neil clasped his hands at Andrew’s elbows, “it’s always a yes, you know that.” “No ‘s not,” Andrew weakly argued as he took hold of Neil’s chest pad, using it to leverage himself upwards. It was awkward work of walking half-delirious Andrew back to the locker room, shielding him from the crowd while keeping him on his feet, but they managed. Or Andrew becomes very sick at an away game, and Neil and the foxes take care of him.

tw: vomit

the upswing by missgivings [Not Rated, 45569 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

The next universe over, life has gone a bit easier on Andrew. He’s gainfully employed as a nurse of all things, working beside his best friend Renee, and living in relative harmony with his brother, the recently graduated Dr. Aaron Minyard. Everything’s fine. It’s fine that he hasn’t spoken to Kevin in person for three years. It’s fine if Aaron’s leaving him to marry his stupid doctor girlfriend. It’s fine until the boy with the box-dyed hair stumbles into the ER and passes out at his feet, bringing a world of secrets and trouble with him. And Neil? Neil’s looking for any port in a storm.

tw: major character injury, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced self harm

please (don't bite) by Major_816 [Rated M, 5478 words, complete, 2024]

Genioglossus. It’s a fan-shaped muscle and forms the bulk of the inferior part of the tongue. It stretches to the hyoid bone too. ~ Neil wakes up to a bad day and it just gets worse.

tw: blood, tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: nightmares, tw: flashbacks, tw: vomit

Will you love me for who I am, not for who I was? by something_boring [Rated T, 1580 words, complete, 2024]

Neil is sick on New Year's eve, wakes up to the fireworks, and continues to have a panic attack about his time on the run.

tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Your Needs, My Needs by TogeMythia [Rated T, 1073 words, complete, 2023]

‘Neil.’ He whined, his face still buried under the blankets. ‘Hrmph?’ Neil responded with a confused noise from somewhere across the bed. ‘Do you feel as shit as you sound?’ - Or Neil and Andrew wake up sick on Christmas day.

tw: vomit

To be safe by HushedStars [Rated G, 2116 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is feeling unwell. He seeks comfort from Matt. It was late at night. Neil stood in the kitchen, deep in thought but still with one ear alert for any movement of his roommates. He shifted from foot to foot, hands digging into his sore neck

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks

Safe with him by 1mNot4Hum4n [Not Rated, 2434 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is sick but doesn't want to admit it. He can't be sick. He can't be weak. Luckily Andrew is there to make sure his junkie is okay, and remind him that he has people around him who are willing to do anything to protect him.

'tis the season by moonix [Rated T, 5579 words, complete, 2023]

Five holidays Andrew had to let Kevin take care of him and one time he got to return the favour.

i called your name ‘til the fever broke by cyanica [Rated T, 5632 words, incomplete, last updated Nov 2023]

Neil’s breath is hot and awful against Andrew’s thigh. “I can’t be sick on your birthday,” he says, like it’s that simple. “I can’t be sick on you on your birthday.” “How considerate,” Andrew’s voice is a bland murmur, and he is left watching Neil’s bloodless, wet lips, as he curls into Andrew’s lap. Neil gently pulls away after a moment, leaning back into Andrew’s hand on his neck. “Is me being sick still making you anxious?” he asks. Fever-stricken with dizzied-eyes and delirious thoughts, he knows Andrew without more than a moment beside him, a look into his eyes that makes Andrew feel undone, found. Or Neil is sick and Andrew isn’t coping well.

tw: vomit, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: anxiety

You Know I'm Good On My Own by sambutwithbooks [Rated G, 4568 words, complete, Aftg Then And Now 2023]

Andrew breaks his arm two games into the season and it feels a little bit like Neil’s world snaps with it. (A snapshot of Neil and Andrew between Andrew coming home from the hospital and going back home to Palmetto State.)

tw: major character injury

that's my line by sillyunicorn6154 [Rated G, 1291 words, complete, 2023]

Andrew is definitely not sick. But he is a little stubborn.

You're not fine, but you will be by karmenvi [Not Rated, 616 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is sick, so Andrew takes care of him. So it was supposed to be a sickfic, but it turned into 'Andrew stares at Neil and thinks his boyfriend is the prettiest boy in the world.' Anyway, enjoy some fluff.

I'll be okay if he's here by obsessivereader156 [Not Rated, 1673 words, complete, 2023]

“Thank you, Drew,” Neil says for the twentieth time, feeling so lucky to have someone take care of him. “Say it again and I will kill you.” “You’re just so nice to me,” Neil says a bit deliriously, “I’ve never had someone take care of me when I’m sick.”

If it means losing you, then no by LostMess_24 [Rated T, 6712 words, complete, 2023]

There was something against his hand, a pressure he knew too well, a hand that fit so perfectly against his, making Andrew’s presence known, making Neil’s entire body relax, slowing his breathing a bit. But before Neil could see the man at his side, it hit him. He was starting to feel it, all around him. Those white walls, the mattress he was in, the soft yet old sheets, the pressure on his arm. And finally, unmistakably, the regular and aggressive beeps, signs of a life that was his own. He was in a hospital bed. There’s an accident. Those idiots would do anything and everything to protect each other.

tw: major character injury, tw: car accidents

cause and effect by mistyrie [Rated M, 13107 words, complete, 2023]

"Andrew realized what he was seeing but he couldn’t comprehend it. He didn’t know how to help. There was no enemy to deal with – there was just Neil seizing on the floor and Andrew didn’t know what to do." Neil starts having seizures and Andrew tries to help.

tw: seizures (epilepsy)

how the foxes act when they're sick by @detectivebambam [tumblr, 2024]

headcanons on the foxes and illness

headcanons on Neil getting sick by @24-0z [tumblr, 2022]

Neil doesn't get sick very often, so when he finally catches the bug that had been going around campus, he's suddenly 8 years old again, sweating and trembling with fever

SICK!Neil for my soul. by @satan-in-a-v-neck [tumblr, 2021]

Neil is acting strange. Ask every fox and they'll tell you that for the past three days Neil Josten wasn't acting very Neil Josteny.

tw: vomit

illness/injuries as background event:

The Songs Around Us by doodlingstuff [Rated M, 80075 words, complete, 2022]

The mission was simple: Nathaniel would join Astral Foxes as Neil Josten and make them part of Moriyama Music. In reality, Neil became real, found a home, and fell in love despite his lies. When the Moriyamas send the Butcher to remind Neil of his mission and Andrew's life ends on the line, Neil will have to find a way to escape his fate and bring Andrew back. As he gets closer to losing the man he loves the most, Neil will realize that sometimes, music is the only answer, and others, truth is the only weapon he can use. Another Band!AU. This time extra angsty.

tw: torture, tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: violence

NB: find art for this fic by @doodlingstuff here

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hp-fanfic-archive · 3 months

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Of mammals, birds and reptiles by Jessa_yeah Pairing: Hermione/Ginny, Minerva Mcgonagall/Pomona Sprout/Rolanda Hooch Rating: G Word Count: 2k Podfic available here Read by: Thunder_of_Dragons Length: 10-30 minutes Post-war Hogwarts. A small note appears on the announcement board in the hall, offering extracurricular courses. Ginny and Hermione sign up. Something new builds from there - something good. A story about healing, growth, hope, love and comfort.

find the full podfic library here

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bitternanami · 2 months

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something i think is really interesting about dungeon meshi is the cast's respective views on food as the story progresses. the way many adventurers get through the dungeon is to eat when they Must, but mostly rely on healing magic to keep going when they're tired or beaten down. death is something you can buy your way out of, here.

having these lower stakes when it comes to running yourself too hard has made a lot of people in this setting kind of devalue food and what it does for you.

im not all the way through the manga yet, but so far i really like how it goes about debunking that mindset.

long post under the cut, cw explicit discussion of disordered eating. textual depiction of unhealthy methods of dealing with it. please be cautious!

it seems like to most folks, food is either a decadent luxury, like when the governor offers mr tance a feast as a show of power and wealth, (although he is the only one who actually eats in that scene as he talks about his ambitions);

[id: the governor and mr. tance talk politics and hierarchies, while the governor eats from a bowl. mr. tance's meal is not visible behind a speech bubble.

"so you believe the sorceror is an elf?" he asks.

"i can't say with absolute certainty," mr. tance replies, "but the spells are not ones dwarves and humans typically use." /end id]

like the painted-royal feasts laios tries to partake in that never actually nourish him...

[id: laios, fresh out of the living painting feast, surprisedly holding his grumbling stomach /end id]

or, to the working class, it's pretty much exclusively fuel. i'm thinking about the scene where kabru's party, ostensibly intended to be our view into how adventuring Typically goes for most people, is shown preparing to go to the dungeon by like. walking up to someone and ordering 'a weeks' worth of rations.' purely functional.

[id: kabru enters a store, and the merchant says "welcome!"

kabru says "i need a week's worth of rations for six, and two days' worth of water."

"sure thing." the merchant then reaches behind him and grabs a large cube-shaped package, wrapped in nondescript cloth and tied in place. it thumps onto the counter in front of them both. /end id]

when kabru hands mickbell his food for the trip, he complains about how heavy it is on his back. it's a necessary liability.

we also see chilchuck, in an early chapter where there isn't much food to go around, grumbling about how he used to be better at not noticing when he was hungry. he's frustrated that he's more attuned to his bodily needs, now that he's starting to fill them with regularity.

[id: chilchuck, the only one awake, sits in his bedroll and glares at the timekeeping-candle burning down in front of him while he listens to his stomach growl. moving to find his canteen and fill himself with water instead, he thinks to himself, "my stomach has gotten weaker. i used to be able to go two days without food." /end id]

(like im not even gonna lie this is a big mood. the healing process is really really annoying)

even laios, early on, working out the logistics of going back for falin, considers his expenses and ultimately the thing he decides to save money on is their food supply. like, even the guy most invested in eating as an experience kind of just assumes he will Figure It Out. its what hes eating, not how hes eating it that matters to him at that point.

[id: marcille looks down at the ingredients they've gathered, the walking mushroom and the scorpion in an unappetizing heap on the ground, and asks laios "so how exactly do we eat them?"

he responds "let's just cook them, like normal." /end id]

but its here that senshi introduces the idea of food as art and as healing. its exciting and its fascinating for laios, getting to taste the creatures hes been reading about and fighting, but i dont think it would ever really help him feel full if not for this.

[id: three panels of laios tasting the scorpion hotpot, looking stunned, and then excitedly telling senshi "delicious!"

senshi matches his energy, asking "isn't it? isn't it?" /end id]

pictured: guy who had resigned himself to kind of just doing his best rediscovers the joy in something tasting really fucking good

what they did last time isnt going to work. falin is gone, and constantly anesthetizing their pain and healing through their weakness is no longer a realistic option for the party. in order to make it through they must all relearn how to eat well, one by one and as a group over and over again, because its either that or nothing.

one of my favorite depictions of this idea thus far is when marcille is seriously low on health and mana, and both of these problems are mitigated by taking care of herself, and trying to get iron and protein

[id: marcille, looking sickly, wakes to laios saying, "marcille, marcille, can you sit up? we've got something nice for you."

she watches senshi grill pieces of kelpie liver on a low fire, while laios ties a bib around her neck. /end id]

and drinking a bunch of dead water spirits. she gets the idea, she's supposed to get in nutrients and it'll help her feel better, but in aiming for the quick, inefficient fix, namely chugging that shit down like she heard it was good to Stay Hydrated and decided that would be the thing that fixes her,

[id: marcille throws back a cup of boiled undine-water, her face red. laios asks, "do you really need to drink it that fast?"

she gasps out "...the magical energy stored in nature spirits is actually quite hard to absorb. even if you drink a lot, the majority of it is excreted without being absorbed," and takes another drink. "that's why i need to drink as much as i can."

laios says weakly "you'll get water poisoning," but marcille only stops when senshi puts a hand on her shoulder and says,

"it's easier to absorb nutrients if ye digest them with food. that's a fundamental rule of nutrition."

marcille says, "senshi..." contemplative

and he holds out a bowl of tentuclus and a thumbs up. "let's get cooking!" /end id]

she doesn't immediately realize the answer is that she needs more than that. she's been working hard. she needs care, and she needs nourishment.

once she gets that, though, she makes her boiled water into a stew, and she works to make that stew as good as she can, and everyone can have some.

because in dungeon meshi, to feed yourself or allow yourself to be fed is treated as performing a kindness for yourself. food is what propels you, but there is also an art and a joy inherent to the process of making it; in the way you feel when you've had enough to eat.

[id: senshi watches as chilchuck and marcille eat and excitedly hash out plans.

"i've got a good feeling about this! maybe it'll work out!" chilchuck says

marcille responds, "well it's easier to feel optimistic on a full stomach!"

senshi smiles, proud. /end id]

^^^ i want to put this image on my wall

when you're working through disordered eating habits, you really do have to keep learning this shit. (in my experience, learning about cooking is one of the best ways to do so.)

i'll have to see if my thesis holds up as i continue, but i think one of the reasons the portrayal here resonates with me so hard is that ryoko kui puts most of her characters at eye level with me on this. they're all working at it, too. the text and i are both commiserating, and encouraging each other, 'have some more, you'll feel better.'

#its late -_- idk if this fullly gets across what i mean but ive been thinking about this for weeks #dungeon meshi #recovery #cooking tag #disordered eating cw #im on chp 31 atm but im like. squinting and steepling my fingers looking for this theme as i go now

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soldier-poet-king · 9 months

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Larian really pulling a reverse uno by focusing hard on astarion's prettyboy flirt vibe in all the marketing and then making his arc about reclaiming bodily autonomy

I love them for it. It's everything I wanted from astarion. I'm obsessed with him.

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #astarion #ANYWAY I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS #just like..vibrating at my desk at work. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THEMES??? WHAT ABOUT TRAUMA AND RECOVERY #What about TRUST and HAND HOLDING AND HUGS AS MORE IMPORTANT SIGNS OF SAID TRUST THAN SEX #i mean we can also talk about hot vampires i am ALSO here for that #but hes my blorbo bc of the angst and thematic potential of it all

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borderlinebelle · 4 days

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🪄🧠

a brain busted lunacy letter to:

YOU AND UR VERY OWN HUMAN EYES- READING THIS RIGHT NOW

+ tumblr,

I need each and every one of you to pls hear me out: i want you to feel it too. Remember long form content? Alright, gather your tits. Let’s get into it. 😈 if you remember how to read … come down there and see it for yourself.

hey you little bag of flesh meat, cartridge, water and electricity… come closer i said… 🙂

I deeply find the tumblr space, as a whole, so vitally valuable to our current society. I, like all of you, have painstakingly enjoyed sifting, repurposing, creating, and displaying a woven unique tapestry… mine is currently over 10 years long. A historical virtual “scroll” 📜… Manila ironic in the worst way: the scroll 🤳🏾 that consumes us.

This isn’t MINDLESSLY scrolling… it feels like… peaking penetratingly into the minds of human beings through their own perceptions.

Every fucking photo, gif, text post, meme, story, song, collage, any and all of it … was put there purposely. Everything … means something to someone here. That’s … fucking incredible.

That’s … fucking human magic. 🪄 something no other social media platform can recreate in the world of TikTok’s, we remained tumblr.

Every single mf time I find a new blog or revisit a mutual’s blog… and I just burst with color and vibrance and wild wickedness and I … drift… loosing myself in the back of your brains, I’m saved.

I’m saved from my own brain, trauma, habits, hangups, mental health… I’m just safe.. tucked behind YOUR brain… and they always fucking feel JUST like mine… so thank you.

I love human beings so much and this is my MOST favorite way to experience them. I’m so fucking happy I haven’t been able to log back into my TIKTOK for months. This is the only place I want to be when I’m online.

The tumblr scroll is so much more healthy: i see these feeds as very distinct and endlessly versatile flip book of human ingenuity and stupidity and comradery and community stitched together to make a pattern that mirrors a portion of a person… can you imagine? IT’S FASCINATING! I mean I know It’s equally ugly here and often… yet outstandingly but overwhelmingly … this is a safe space for creators and the many fandoms we express and decompress with.

i remain almost speechless,on the brink of pure pleasure… on how absolutely embedded i am into all of your collective energy on this stupid little imperfectly perfect fucked up little platform.

Look at April Fool’s Day: Tumblr reminded us all.. to just exhale and have fun TOGETHER. Ugh. gut me gently with the sheer scale of talent and genius and curiosity and kindness and skill and silly and authentic and absurd and individual yet succinct creation of … art. Of feed art. 🖼️ the scale and silly of the creativity around that now HOLIDAY, was tremendous and stupid and clever and community and inclusive.

i hope to one day gain support in organizing and leading a team of experts to create a true con for us. i have experience in events and .. I care. 🧠🪄

tumblr… this … is one of my longest lasting relationships, and i cherish the time so very dearly. From screaming at porn bots to whispering to mutuals… I’m so grateful for all of it.

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lena-oleanderson · 5 months

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i talk about god a lot.

#web weaving #god #religious imagery #religious themes #poetry #poem #lena's bad poetry archives #on recovery #on love #on friendship #on god #on faith #on grief #etc #this post isn't nearly complete #queer poets #lena's poetry archives

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epilogueart · 1 year

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just finished God of War: Ragnarok so I’m here to do my bits

#me: finishes a beautiful and well put together game that touches on themes of growth loss abuse recovery grief parenthood growing up #also me: alright time to draw these characters in scenes from its always sunny #god of war #god of war ragnorak #gow #kratos #god of war mimir #my art #gow art #mimir #brok #brok god of war

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jordanstrophe · 1 year

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Whumpee’s just stepped free from captivity and own nothing but the tattered clothes they wore: -Who then get pulled into a store by caretaker who tells them to pick out “whatever they want.”

-Style points? Whumpee has absolutely none of it, not looking to be indebted to anyone.

-Fluff points? Caretaker shakes their head and buys whatever whumpee looks at with a brightened or interested expression.

There. Now they can’t say no.

#whump #whumpee #caretaker #caretaking #whump tropes #whump themes #whump things #whumpee x caretaker #whump prompts #caretaker prompts #whump scenario #caretaker scenario #recovery prompts #whump recovery #rescued whumpee #whump drabble #recovering whumpee #whump fluff #caretaking scenario

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iamgodsoopsie · 4 months

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Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 2:

Part 1 link

Part 3 link

More Astarion headcanons! (that are mostly me projecting but with an Astarion flavored twist.)

BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.

Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.

[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]

Spoiler warning

Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings: I cannot stress these enough this post is much more descriptive and potentially triggering than part one was.

These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.

I hope you're ready for abrupt mood swings.

--- One minute he's codependent and can't make a decision on his own because he's overwhelmed, the next he's hyper-independent and will take offense at any suggestion you make.

----- Astarion is aware that staying in either of the two extremes is unhealthy and would eventually lead him to acting like Cazador.

^ This ties into point two: You need walk the fine line between patient and understanding while he processes "200 years of Shit. PURE SHIT!". And at the same time you need to be firm in your own boundaries with how you allow him to treat you.

--- He's gone 200 years without autonomy and has no memory of what life was like before Cazador turned him. He has no frame of reference other than romance novels and watching couples interact with each other from afar.

-----TBH the best thing for him is to stay in regular contact with Halsin. The man has the same flavor as trauma as Astarion while also having strong boundaries and open honest/ healthy communication in his relationships. He can unjudgementally help Astarion navigate the pitfalls of his healing journey through first hand experience.

Plus Ultra Catholic levels of guilt.

--- Guilt for what he did while he was a spawn. Guilt for how he started his relationship with you (even after you've told him you forgive him multiple times). Guilt for how he lashes out at the one person who has shown him unconditional love (you). Guilt because he feels like he's dragging you down into his darkness and tainting you. Guilt because he fears he's pulling you down to bring himself up. Guilt for feeling guilty because it doesn't absolve him of his sins and makes healing harder.

Self-esteem issues

--- He was SA'd for 200 years, he was forced into prostitution, he was tortured in every conceivable way, he was made to do reprehensible things and learned to find "joy" in them because he would've lost all of himself and his humanity otherwise.

------ His inner saboteur (who sounds like Cazador and himself simultaneously- adding to his self hate) tells him that he is disgusting, wrong, filthy, a burden, unlovable, undeserving of happiness, a monster.

------- Like everything else these thoughts will become less frequent and easier for him to handle as time goes on. All you can do is love him while he self-flagellates and hates himself. One day he'll see himself as you see him.

^ Tying into all the points above, especially the one right before this one. You're going to feel useless. Most of the time all you can do is demonstrate your love for him and sit there with him while he is bombarded with years of repressed feelings forcing their way out.

--- In the beginning your attempts to help him will frequently seem to have the opposite of their intended effect.

----- It's important that you be honest with him about how you're doing mentally. It does him no favors if you set yourself on fire to keep him warm.

------- You'll be angry on his behalf and can't exact revenge.

--------- That being said you are helping him so much more than you think you are. I cannot express in words how much just being there while Astarion slogs through the painful process of healing will help him.

^ ALL of these will get less intense and easier to deal with in time. He will heal and move on from his horrid past. But, it will involve a lot of trial and error. He will have periods of exponential growth followed by a hard backslide in progress. But he will get there.

I wouldn't say that loving Astarion is hard, but it does involve conscious effort on both his and your parts.

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bearotonin-international · 7 months

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do you have any silly goofy grizzly bear pictures? it’s been almost one year since i took in my grandma’s cat (who’s actually named grizzly bear) after my grandma moved into an assisted living home. she’s recently had some health issues and is moving again, so i thought i would send her some funny pictures of grizzly bear (the cat) and actual grizzly bears to help her feel better ❤️ thank you for all the work that you do with this blog btw!

hi friend! please tell your grandmother that a bear-loving team of strangers on the internet wish her a speedy recovery and hopes she has a very lovely day and enjoys these very silly grizzly bears!

#we decided to go with a yoga theme #to promote strength and conditioning and speedy recovery obviously #the team is sometimes silly #sometimes being most of the time #obviously #hope this cheers your grandma up friend #ask

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aftgficrec · 9 months

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IT'S OPENNNNNNN!!!!!

You peeps are absolutely amazing. Love everything you do for this blog.

Do you have any recommendations for any new twinyard bonding fics, with or without Nicky. Or even any with Nicky and one twin?

Or anything around Wymack and Kevin having father son bonding or something like that.

Thank you in advance 💜

OK so sometimes I go off the deep end with these searches and it has happened once again. We’ve tagged a lot of fics with 'twinyards bonding,' even if it’s just a small part of the story — we’re just here for the healing, you know? So rather than delete this huge list of previous recs, I’m going to put them in another post.

Bonus: fics with background twinyards bonding here.

Nicky with the twins here and Kevin and Wymack bonding here are being bumped to their own asks. -A

twinyards bonding since our last ask

‘Shut Up and Dance (With Me),’ ‘never said that i didn't need you,’ ‘Inked Truths’ series and ‘prove your love’ here

‘A World of HIPAA Violations’ here

‘Nor are we forgiven’ here

‘Follow You Through The Dark’ here

‘Did You Get What You Deserve?’ and ‘The Ash is in Our Clothes’ here

‘take yourself home’ here

‘I Think Mom Was Hiding Something…,’ and ‘In Our Family Portrait’ here

‘Poetry in Motion’ here

‘The Strays’ and ‘Arsonist's Lullabye’ here

‘Medical misunderstandings’ here

‘tall twinyards' series here

‘if you can't take the heat…’ and ‘Microsleep’ here

‘The first time Andrew let Aaron see…’ here

‘Unique Souls’ and ‘Don't Mind Us’ here

‘Little Miracles’ and ‘Where There is Magic…’ here

‘Witness,’ ‘there’s a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly,’ and ‘… cry over Aaron Minyard tonight’ here

‘Suddenly I see’ here

‘"Wrong Minyard" - Aaron Minyard’ here

‘False Equivalence’ here

‘I’ve been silent for so long,’ ‘in my life i have seen people walk into the sea…,’ ‘Trial,’ ‘You know I don't care,’ and ‘Lists’ here

‘The Road Trip’ here

‘What He Would Give’ and ‘let me tell you something…’ here

‘lamb to the slaughter’ (updated) here

previous twinyards goodness

Andrew supportive of Aaron here

twinyards relationship 2 here

twinyards growing up together here

healthy sibling rivalry here

canon divergent low angst twinyards here

low angst twinyards aus here

domestic fluff w/twinyards bonding, Neil & Aaron friendship here

Aaron & Neil rapprochement here

more Aaron relapse here

twinyards mistaken identity here

Neil mistakes Aaron for Andrew here

the twins with siblings/kids here

twins discover their dad here

why Minyard last name? here

twins meet later in life 2 here

twins meet later, without the trauma here

pre canon

breaking every finger, praying that it makes me clean by orionauriga [Rated M, 9505 Words, Complete, 2023]

Then: Aaron, on the other side of the bathroom door, screaming Andrew’s name in delirious rage. Between: Andrew, fractured between blissfully medicated and painfully sober, trapped with doctors meant to be helping him. Now: Kevin, hands twisted into his hair, watching in silent agony as Andrew sloshes his vodka down the sink. — No one has ever accused Andrew Minyard of being caring, but he is more than capable of handling his loved ones’ addictions. He’s gone through withdrawal before, after all. He knows what it’s like.

tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: vomit, tw: withdrawal, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Both of you, against- by itallcomesbacktoandreil [Rated T, 618 Words, Complete, 2022]

idk what to tell you, this is a vent piece, it isnt even originally about the twinyards, but i wanted to post it and felt they could fit in this

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

In this Gemini weather by codename_adler [Not Rated, 1187 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]

When Aaron found out about his twin brother Andrew, at 13, he wrote him a letter. Here is that letter.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

this is me choosing you by thewintersolstice [Rated T, 7467 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape 2022]

In the months before Tilda's death, Andrew and Aaron try to learn how to care about each other -- aka twinyards bonding as only twinyards can (badly). or three times andrew tried to be a good brother and one time aaron finally got it.

tw: alcohol, tw: implied/referenced drug use, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to by love_in_the_city [Rated G, 2782 Words, Complete, Twinyards Appreciation Week 2022]

Part 1 of Twinyards Appreciation Week 2022 Five times the twins have cried on their birthdays and one time they didn’t have to

tw: child abuse, tw: implied/referenced drug use

until then I walk alone series by rekikiri [Rated T, Collection, Updated July 2023]

Part 1: sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me [3291 Words, Complete, 2023] Andrew gifts Aaron a guitar, and that may just be the start of them learning to exist with each other.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse. tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

NB: inspired by this art by @foxesrefuge; this art also inspired the fic ‘rooftop songs’ recc’d here

Part 2: another turning point, a fork stuck in the road [7718 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2023] aaron is hurt, and andrew won’t let his mother hurt the only family he chose to keep, no matter the cost.

tw: child abuse, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood, tw: drug addiction, tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism, tw: canonical character death, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: car accidents

My life by diangelonico [Rated T, 562 Words, Complete, 2023]

“You were miserable. You were so unhappy. You hated your life.” Andrew said, angry. “Is was my life.”

tw: canonical character death, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

we'll take it slow (and grow as we go) by pipedreamparrish [Rated T, 2755 Words, Complete, 2020]

the Twinyards's birthday's through the ages, featuring very ugly ties, large sugar intakes, and lots of growth and healing)

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm

post canon

Mirror, Mirror by This_Witch_Writes [Rated T, 7347 Words, Complete, Dec 2022, Locked]

Part 3 of Heimkehr means Homecoming series, parts 1 & 2 here

Aaron and Andrew spent the first 16 years of their lives apart, so they aren’t exactly those twins with the telepathy and in-jokes. Except sometimes. Two mirrors as seen through two imaginary friends, one visitors day in juvie, two relapses and one late night phone call.

tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: abortion discussion

Give Me Another Minute (to Lay Here in Your Echo) by This_Witch_Writes [Rated T, 26732 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

A year post-canon, when they thought they were safe, Neil goes missing.

tw: implied major character death, tw: kidnapping, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: drugs, tw: alcohol, tw: implied/referenced human trafficking, tw: graphic nightmares, tw: gun violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: major character injury

Don't Strike Me Down by crymeariversong11 [Rated T, 5021 Words, Complete, 2022]

Kevin ends up in the hospital and the Minyard Twins realize they have feelings.

Trial Talk by sirfatcat_mccatterson [Rated G, 1638 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Prompt from anon on Tumblr Twinyard bonding before Aarons trial.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

No Words Necessary by emmy (emmy7) [Rated T, 820 Words, Complete, 2023]

Aaron in the aftermath of Drake's murder trial.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Thicker Than Water by exy_shmexy [981 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Aaron himself found himself at a loss for words. He had tossed and turned over what to say for a couple days ever since he sent the text to Andrew telling him he wanted to visit his mother’s grave and if he could come with him.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Raw Sugar by Paradoxolotl [Rated T, 3686 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Betsy tells Aaron and Andrew to find something they can bond over.

NB: fic art by @fortheloveofexy here

I was born sick by Harmonique [Rated G, 3082 Words, Complete, 2023]

Part 2 of AFTG whump

Aaron is sick. Aaron should rest, but he has an exam, classes, and a match in the evening. Aaron is an idiot. Thankfully, he has a boyfriend and a brother to make sure he rests

After thousands of cold days by LadyTimelessness [Rated T, 3310 Words, Complete, 2023]

Double sessions was originally a stupid idea. None of them cared about building (or establishing) brothers relations anymore. Andrew always knew it wouldn't work, and neither did Aaron. They learned to live with each other at the level of neighbors, and it seemed to suit everyone. None of the twins needed more.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder

Contraposition by Reiss [Rated T, 3595 Words, Complete, 2023]

Andrew and Arron have an emotional and tearful bonding session on the roof of Fox Tower and a breakthrough in their emotions follows.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: violence

Twin Calls series by makememakesense [Rated T, Collection with 2 complete works, Twinyards Appreciation Week 2022]

Part 1: The pressure in my veins (Talk it down, talk it down) [1573 Words] Andrew deals with being a single Cat Dad. Part 2: We're doing alright [1478 Words] POV you're freaking out about having Twins. Who do you call?

alternate universes

I'm leaving this town (and I'm changing my address) by zweimam [Rated T, 21028 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2023]

Aaron has been looking for his brother for six years. Right when he's beginning to lose all hope, he meets Neil Josten.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced suicidal thoughts, tw: dissociation, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction

Damned If You Do by Inthewritespot [Rated T, 13508 Words, Complete, 2022]

When his cousin Nicky calls about some friends disappearing under ghostly circumstances, Andrew Minyard forces his twin back into the family business. This is a Twinyard Supernatural AU

tw: canonical character death, tw: blood/gore

gutterwitch blues by nanatsuyu [Rated T, 20882 Words, Complete, 2023]

It isn't the worst job Andrew's ever been not paid to do. He and Aaron grew up managing the place, after all. Five years of silence doesn't change that. He can handle visiting 'home' one last time.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder

togetherness by Nightingale231 [Rated T, 683 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Andrew and Aaron are brothers. Andrew is the alpha of the twins, and Aaron the omega. Neil and Aaron are friends.

Art

book scene: Aaron’s drug detox art by @nniivek

The Minyard Twins art by @alef-art

Aaron and Andrew sand castle building competition art by @emry-stars-art

Twinyard AU with ghost Andrew art by @ol-unreliable

au where aaron and neil are best friends first comic by @02511213942

Nicky’s picture of the twins art by @prince-peachie

we face the fire together, brothers to the end art by @scribblesandsuch21

aftg inktober day 4: twinyards art by @tigerjawed

twinyards in a campus coffee shop art by @/whyzard on twitter

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delawaredetroit · 29 days

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Or not. Or maybe wanting success only as a means to an end to acquire people as a goal is rancid. This manga has several character arcs focused around the evil of treating people like objects - particularly surrounding Endeavor, All for One, and Chisaki. Why doesn't that same logic apply for women?

#bnha reread #bnha 67 #bnha #mineta minoru #recovery girl #shuzenji chiyo #less mad abt mineta having that opinion as much as the narrative treating it as no big deal bc it contradicts the themes

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aletterinthenameofsanity · 18 days

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This Rotten Work Has Been Published!

Do you like Carry On or NBC's Community? Do you like messy lesbians in an enemies-to-lovers dynamic? Do you want to know what happens to Chosen Ones after they defeat their villain? Do you wish for a version of Harry Potter that isn't transphobic, homophobic, antisemitic, and racist? (Did you enjoy the seventy million fics I wrote about the mentors coping with the aftermath of the Hunger Games?) Do you like messy background poly bisexuals?

Well, here it is, y'all: all of the edits are done and my book baby has been published! Rachel and Daiyu are finally here for y'all to meet! I'm ordering my own copies now (and will definitely update y'all with photos when they arrive, especially now that I can get a photo with BOTH of my books), but for now, I just wanted to give y'all the link so you can check it out. I'm going to put the blurb below to those who are confused as to what this might be!

Amazon.com: This Rotten Work: 9798879537734: Jenkins, Kenna: Books

The moment Chosen One Rachel Barsky finally kills her magical high school’s evil Headmaster, she’s out. No pressure, no politics, and certainly no more death tournaments for her. She ditches the Magical Realm for a far more chill Normie community college with her two best friends, determined to finally get some blessed peace and quiet—maybe even a good nap. It’s what she deserves after giving up her teenage years to a prophecy that nearly killed her more times than she can count.

But of course Rachel can’t catch a break. Her first day of classes, tragedy arrives on campus in the form of Daiyu Nightbane, Rachel’s archrival and the annoyingly attractive daughter of the now-dead Headmaster. Daiyu’s acting suspiciously normal, Rachel is pissed, and her friends are preaching forgiveness and peace. What gives?

Rachel expects to have to grit her teeth and soldier through the annoyance of her rival haunting her early retirement, but she quickly learns that expectations are never made to last. After an explosive duel that ends up with one of them knocked off of their feet, Rachel is forced to see a kinder side of Daiyu than she ever glimpsed during high school.

Over a school year filled with Shakespeare, lightning magic, and quite a lot of kosher BBQ, Rachel finds herself toppling head-over-heels into an unlikely romance with her rival while she struggles with nightmares, grief, and lingering questions from her high school years. Is it possible to finally make a life for herself? Can the Chosen One really have a happy ending with the golden girl that ruled the school?

---

And to all those who have been following this saga (or liked my fics with similar premises/themes), I think I've managed to gather all of your usernames here for the official publishing!

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captainkirkk · 2 years

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Was anyone going to tell me that Violent Evergarden is about trauma-recovery and a child soldier experiencing civilian life for the first time or was I supposed to watch it on a whim one day and find out myself

#i GASPED when i realised the themes of this story #i thought it was just a sad romance for some reason?? i didn't realise it was THIS up my alley #main character who's been a child soldier and never experienced civilian life and is wrong-footed know that the war is over #trauma recovery!!!#i'm only one episode in so i'm sure the story is going to change more #but i am Living right now #my posts #violet evergarden

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vimbry · 2 months

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random sparks recs for tmbg fans who want to get into them (based on general lyricism/instrumental energy):

wonder girl (if you like: unreleased dial-a-song demos, pink)

fletcher honorama (if you like: unreleased dial-a-song demos, then/misc T, pink, factory showroom, the else, nanobots)

B.C. (if you like: then/misc T, flood, apollo 18)

talent is an asset (if you like: then/misc T, pink)

those mysteries (if you like: lincoln, factory showroom, long tall weekend, join us)

goofing off (if you like: lincoln, factory showroom, join us)

beat the clock (if you like: then/misc T, pink, mink car)

angst in my pants (if you like: then/misc T, pink)

eaten by the monster of love (if you like: then/misc T, lincoln, flood, the spine)

funny face (if you like: pink, mink car)

national crime awareness week (if you like: mink car, indestructible object)

dick around (if you like: john henry, factory showroom, long tall weekend, the else, glean)

lighten up, morrissey (if you like: john henry, the spine, the else, glean)

strange animal (if you like: the spine, the else, join us, nanobots, BOOK)

#feel free to add more suggestions or appropriate album/era comparisons to ones already listed #when I say ltw I am thinking more ''reprehensible''#I think a few of those mink cars might be generous but I'm going for what perky misery and a slight '80s synth sound fits best beyond debut #I'd say ''when I'm with you'' as well but I'm kinda lost on what to compare it to #there's also ''the decline and fall of me'' which is very tmbg in its sardonic illness/recovery theme #but as a rec it's a bit on the sensitive side maybe #sparks #tmbg #long post

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whump-tr0pes · 3 months

Text

Honor Bound 6 - 25

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3, Honor Bound 4, Honor Bound 5, and the prequel Vera.

AO3

Masterlist

Contents: PTSD, Ellis is pregnant and also a grumpy asshole, themes of self-harm, Ellis being cringe, past captivity, past child abuse, fucky coping mechanisms around past child abuse, discussion of murder, angst, recovery

It kept occurring to Isaac that there really wasn’t much to the town of Laporte. Not the proper downtown area, anyway. There was the general store, the post office that doubled as the gathering space, the clothing and alterations shop, the feed and machinery shop, the tannery, and a few other buildings that Isaac couldn’t deduce the use for just from looking at them. He wondered if some of them had a seasonal use, or if some of them stood empty. The town had the look of a place that had been abandoned for a long time and was only now starting to fill up with people again. Still, it had never been large to begin with – that much was obvious. He could see the entire town at once, glancing down the street. There were so few places to run, to hide, to find cover.

As if Gavin could sense his unease, he nudged Isaac’s shoulder. “You okay?” Gavin murmured.

“Of course,” Isaac said flatly. “Just looking around.” General store, clothing shop, post office. Feed and machine shop, tannery. Right side of the street, left. He tried to tell himself that his eyes were sweeping both sides of the street equally, that he was giving equal attention to each building as he looked around casually for threats.

He tried to tell himself that his eyes weren’t flicking to the door of the post office every few seconds.

Gavin followed Isaac’s gaze with his own and squeezed Isaac’s hand. “I… I don’t need to be in town, Isaac, I just wanted to be outside—”

“No,” Isaac snapped. He bit his tongue, regret flooding him. “I’m sorry. No. It’s alright.”

Gavin held Isaac’s gaze for a long moment. Isaac’s stomach clenched as he realized Gavin’s lips were thin, his grip shaking. “Oh… Gavin, are you--?”

“Just cold,” Gavin huffed. His head fell forward, and Isaac pressed a kiss to his forehead. “But I don’t care. I want to be outside in the sun.”

Isaac blew out a slow breath through his nose and pulled Gavin close to his side, sliding an arm around his waist to support him. “Of course. Of course. Let’s… yeah. Outside.” He glanced up, tilting his face back for the warm rays that pushed away the fall chill.

The door to the post office swung open. Isaac’s head snapped forward. His stomach twisted. Ice choked his veins, and his hand closed around the gun in his waistband.

“Well, if it isn’t bitchboy out of bed at last,” came a voice he recognized. His muscles ached from how hard they were locked, holding him in place.

“Hey, Ellis,” came Gavin’s reply beside him. Isaac blinked, and he was staring at Finn and Ellis as they strolled out of the post office – Ellis looking uneasily at Gavin, and Finn with a concerned look at Isaac.

Isaac numbly released the gun. It remained tucked in his waistband. He hadn’t frozen that badly in years, not since—

Turn the corner. There was a guard there, shocked. Didn’t know Isaac was coming. Reached for his gun. Isaac raised his. Finger tightened on the trigger.

He can’t.

Isaac blinked away sudden tears as Finn and Ellis approached them. “Hey,” he croaked. “Hey, guys,” he tried again, and his voice cooperated this time.

“Hey yourself,” Ellis said with a groan. “Guess who’s got back pain today?” They looked around. “Oh? Just me? Thank god, whenever I ask that around Vera or Gray they never let me hear the end of it.”

“How are you two?” Finn asked, but they were looking only at Isaac. “Were you, um… expecting someone else? Edrissa doesn’t come into town, not without—”

“We weren’t… expecting Edrissa,” Isaac said weakly. The fresh cuts on his arms itched. The unbroken skin between them itched more.

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “Then… why…?”

“How’re you feeling, your highness?” Ellis said with another less-than-gentle nudge to Gavin. “You’re up, which is… more than I was expecting, actually.” They let out a laugh with a slightly manic edge that finally broke through the fog in Isaac’s mind.

He blinked. “Jesus, Ellis. You haven’t called him ‘your highness,’ in…”

“Yeah, maybe not in the greatest of taste…” Finn said gently.

Ellis let out a shrill laugh. “Yeah, no, totally, I’m just… trying to make him feel like old times, like… nothing’s changed, we’re still just… you know, you’re our bitchboy, we’re all one big happy family, like… um… b-before.” They lapsed into silence just as quickly as they had spoken and stared at the ground between their feet.

Isaac’s throat ached as he swallowed hard, looking between Gavin and Ellis. Finn was staring at their partner with their mouth slightly open. Gavin shivered against Isaac’s side, just as he had been doing almost every moment for the days since Isaac had pulled him from the basement.

Gavin stepped forward and put a thin hand on Ellis’s shoulder. “You have no idea how many times I wished I could have another chance to be the family’s bitchboy again,” he said, with a deeply solemn tone.

Ellis’s head snapped up with speed that rivaled a gunshot. Their eyes were wide, lips parted, and they stared at Gavin, unmoving.

“Oh,” they gasped. “Oh, you’re making a joke. Oh, thank fuck. I thought that fucker really did fuck with your head.”

Gavin managed a painful-sounding laugh. “Not like that,” he said, voice softening.

Isaac blinked, seeing the basement, the barrel of Schiester’s gun pointed at his heart.

“I w-want to be with him,” he croaked, his eyes fixed on Schiester. “I w-want…” He swallowed thickly. The words burned his tongue, but he pushed them out. “I want to… Please, l-let me be his… his plaything… again. Please… h-hurt me… for him.”

Isaac swallowed again. Today is a rough day. I’m aware of myself enough to know that today is a rough day. And that’s… something, at least. His hand shook in Gavin’s, and he loosened his grip. He forced himself to take a deep breath and let it out.

“So you’re doing, um… better, then,” Ellis said weakly, their frenetic jokes gone. They chewed their lip as they glanced at the retraced scars on Gavin’s face. “You look… better.”

“Yeah, Ellis,” Gavin said. He offered them a soft smile. “Thanks for asking. I’m… I’m doing okay.”

“Good.” Ellis nodded slowly. “That’s good.”

Finn spoke, their eyes searching Isaac’s face. “And you, Isaac? You doing alright?”

Isaac’s throat tightened. He pulled Gavin closer to him, happier to keep everyone focused on Gavin. “Um, yeah,” he said. He winced internally as his voice broke. “Yeah. I’m okay. Just… relieved to have Gavin back.” He stared at the ground, ignoring how he could now feel all of their gazes on his face like a physical touch.

Gavin’s gaze was heaviest. He knew about the… the scars. Vera didn’t even know about them yet, although Isaac knew they would probably all find out eventually. A finger of shame crept up his spine. Goosebumps crawled across his skin and pricked the cuts on his arms.

The door to the post office slammed open, and Isaac flinched like he’d been slapped. Laughter poured out of the open door. Two people who Isaac didn’t recognize came out, waving back to someone inside, smiles wide and boisterous. Finn turned to follow Isaac’s gaze.

“Relax, Isaac,” Ellis said, a hint of sarcasm returning to their voice. “Your boy’s back.”

Isaac swallowed hard as his gaze shifted to the ground again. “Yeah, I know,” he murmured. He wanted to leave, to hide. Not to seek cover, as he would from spraying bullets – but as he had once wanted to hide from Rosa, when her fury at him burned hottest, and he knew he could not buy a reprieve with a cleaner shot, a harder hit, a tidier room.

He never hid, though. After he ran from his mother, he never ran from his problems again. Until he ran from the guard who killed Jordan.

“Fuck,” he breathed, and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Who’s here, Isaac?” Finn whispered. Gravel scraped under their shoe, and Isaac forced himself to open his eyes and look at them. Their face was pale, their eyes wide, and their hand was wrapped around Ellis’s wrist. “Is it not safe here?”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Ellis spat through their teeth. “Are you—”

“No,” Isaac said, holding out a hand to them both. His head spun. Gavin is safe, but is anyone safe at all with Rosa here…? He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head to clear it. “No. Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m just… having a rough day. Can we… can we maybe… keep talking and just… walk towards the house?”

“Do we need to call the others?” Finn murmured.

“Fuck, no,” Isaac ground out. His throat clogged with frustration. “No, just… it’s just hard for me to think right now. The others are fine. Just. Gavin, come on and—” He didn’t wait for an answer before he turned and half-dragged Gavin in the opposite direction they had just come. Ellis and Finn jogged to keep up.

“Okay, we’re fine and just going for a nice run with a pregnant person. Cool,” Ellis groused.

“Sorry,” Isaac huffed. He slowed his stride. “Sorry.” He forced himself to take a deep breath. As much as it made the hair on the back of his neck prickle to have his back to the post office, he found his chest didn’t feel nearly so tight now that he was walking away from it. With another deep inhale and exhale, his arm around Gavin’s waist relaxed a little as well. “Sorry,” he whispered, just for Gavin, and pressed a kiss into Gavin’s hair.

Gavin said nothing, just looked at Isaac with unfathomable worry in his eyes. Isaac’s heart twisted.

They were already out of downtown Laporte and down the lane surrounded by wooded forest once more. They left the road and wove between the trees. Isaac slowed his steps even further. The sun dappled the bed of dead pine needles on the ground, and a cool breeze ruffled the strands of Isaac’s hair that had pulled free of the elastic. He cleared his throat and slipped his arm from around Gavin’s waist so he could squeeze his hand.

“So, um, Rosa lives here,” he said softly.

Finn stopped dead in their tracks. Ellis kept walking straight into a branch at face-level and let out a squawk.

“…the Rosa?” Finn finally managed.

“Yup,” Isaac said.

For a long moment, the only sound was the wind blowing through the canopy of the trees above. Then, Ellis said to Gavin, “Did you know about this?”

“Yes,” Gavin murmured.

“And she’s still alive?” Ellis snapped.

Gavin’s jaw flexed. “He wouldn’t—”

“What fuckin’ good are you if she’s still—”

“Hey,” Isaac snarled, stepping between them both and drawing himself up to his full height until he towered over Ellis.

Ellis rolled their eyes and crossed their arms over their chest. “I was mostly joking, Isaac, calm down.” They jutted their chin out at Gavin. “I’m just surprised he didn’t take a run at her, that’s all. Any one of us would have—”

“He did,” Isaac said through his teeth. “He wasn’t exactly in the best condition to challenge her for my soul.”

“Not your soul,” Finn said with a shrug. “But, like… your childhood.”

“I wasn’t a child,” Isaac said helplessly.

“For fuck’s sake, Isaac,” Gavin said with a groan. He threw a look at Finn and Ellis. “This is not the first time we’ve had this conversation.”

“Wait, you can’t just…” Isaac spread his hands.

“But that’s why you’re so jumpy today, huh?” Finn said softly. Isaac fell silent and nodded. He dug a toe into the layer of pine needles, all the way down to the topsoil. The top of his boot came away wet and stained.

Everyone was silent for a long time. After a while, Ellis began walking again, and Isaac was grateful to no longer have everyone’s eyes on him. Gavin’s fingers were cold where they entwined with his, but Gavin was smiling; nothing could have torn Isaac away from his side, walking with his family through a peaceful forest with nothing to fear but his own past.

“So… what are we gonna do about this?” Ellis said.

Isaac pushed out a slow breath. “There’s nothing to be done,” he mumbled. “It’s not like she’s a syndicate leader or something. She fights against the syndicates, or at least she did at some point. We can’t just kill her.”

Ellis chuckled. “I asked what we were going to do, not whether we were going to kill her. But I’m glad to see your brain moving in the right direction. No, I mean… so, are we moving again?”

“No,” Isaac said quickly. “No way. This is the safest place for Gavin, and Zachariah. It’s the first chance we’ve had at some real community. Besides.” He squeezed Gavin’s hand. “We just got here.”

“You used to live on the road, and I’m okay with people being less than enthused about me if you don’t have to live like this,” Gavin replied.

“Don’t listen to him, I’m not moving again while I’m pregnant,” Ellis called from ahead.

Finn rolled their eyes. “Real nice, Ellis.”

“Fine, but you’re moving all the boxes,” Ellis griped.

“What, all two of them?” Finn shot back.

“Here’s what I want to know,” Ellis said, finally turning around. “Does Vera know?”

Finn looked at Isaac. He froze under the attention. Gavin’s thumb moved back and forth against his hand, and he pulled Gavin close against his side again.

“No,” Isaac said roughly.

Ellis’s head fell back in a raucous laugh. “Hoo boy, I can’t wait to see her reaction. That bitch’ll be dead within an hour, just you wait.”

“I need to talk to her about a few things tonight, maybe we’ll get to it,” Isaac murmured. Gavin pressed a kiss to his shoulder. His stomach bucked at the simple touch.

If she’s still willing to talk to me after she finds out I decided to punish myself for losing Gavin after all, I’ll tell her about Rosa.

“Well, fill me in on how it goes,” Ellis said, their laughter not yet died down. “I need a play-by-play of how exactly she intends on handling this situation. And then obviously ask her if she needs help dumping the body.”

Isaac forced a smile. “Yeah. Obviously. Thanks for, um… for listening.”

“Of course,” Finn said. They pulled Isaac into a hug. He unwound his arm from around Gavin’s waist and crushed Finn in his embrace before pulling away, feeling only a little shaky.

“Any time,” Ellis said with a rare tone of solemnity. “You’re family, Isaac. Someone fucks with one of us… especially the baby version of one of us…” They shrugged tightly. “I don’t know, dude. It’s fucked up, what she did. I mean, I’m an asshole, but I still can’t imagine doing what she did to a fucking kid. Maybe it’s because I’m a parent. I don’t know. But… still.” Ellis lightly punched Isaac on the arm. He offered them a hesitant smile. “We’re here for you. Obviously.”

“Thanks, Ellis,” he whispered.

“Yeah, shut up,” they whimpered, their voice suddenly tight. They turned in an abrupt about-face and headed back to the lane towards their house. “Fucking pregnancy hormones,” they hissed, and dashed tears from their eyes.

Gavin smiled and returned to Isaac’s side once more. It felt… perfect, easy, safe. As Isaac’s slung his arm around Gavin’s waist once more, and Gavin turned his head to place a kiss on Isaac’s shoulder, it felt like the one thing that made sense in the uneasy noise of Isaac’s mind. He couldn’t suppress a smile as he followed Ellis and Finn down the sun-streaked lane as the wind blew the autumn leaves about their feet.

Continued here

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#honor bound 6 #whump #hurt/comfort #Isaac/Gavin #Fillis #PTSD #pregnancy #themes of self-harm #Ellis is a cringelord: confirmed #past captivity #past child abuse #complicated feelings about abusers #frank discussion of murder #angst #recovery #let's take some bets everyone #who thinks Rosa is surviving this book #and who thinks she's dying

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