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castiel-left-his-mark-on-me · 3 years

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Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

#omg #I don't even know if this makes sense #this took way too long to write #j2 #cockles #long post #spn family #so glad you see you back again my dear #welcome to hell #it's hotter now

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years

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Not So Alone

Pairing: Loki x female teen!reader (platonic) Summary: Meeting a young fan of his gives Loki some renewed hope. Warnings: none :) A/N: Here you go nonny! Hope you enjoy :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @lowkeyorlokificrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @castiels-majestic-wings @kozkaboi @cozy-the-overlord @birdgirl90 @myraiswack @mythicalgarlicknot @what-a-flammable-heart @marvelouslovely @laurenandloki @fallinallinmendes @sophlubbwriting

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Loki was never one any person thought of much note, a sad fact he’d near resigned himself to, setting his face and body into an unbothered mask. The outside, at least, convinced everyone else, though no amount of staring at an emotionless reflection could impress upon Loki that he didn’t care. His mind was far too tumultuous for that. Anyway, for being the God of Lies, Loki has never figured out how to effectively lie to himself.

Five years in the Avengers Tower was far more than enough for the downtrodden god, and now he lived in an unremarkable apartment building that held some kind of charm to him, if solely for the reason there was a small, privately owned bookshop beneath it. He enjoyed the neatly arranged books in the display window, greeting him as he walked up the three stairs to unlock the building crammed in with so many others every day. Once his courage had been gathered two months after his initial move, he’d begun frequenting the store often.

Regardless of whether he was able to escape the relative misery he found himself stewing in by living in the Tower, he still had to work with the team that still managed to hold some amount of contempt for him even after he’d proved himself repeatedly. Simply, they weren’t cut from the same cloth, and when trying to sew the fabrics together, they clashed something awful. A truly dreadful state for a team of superheroes to work in, remarked Loki to himself often, and had resolved to make himself as small and agreeable as possible, though the sharp wit never died in his tongue. Such an attitude as he adopted seemed to suit the others just fine, and missions were carried out successfully and without any major mishaps more often than not.

Today he was heading that familiar way up to his home after a trip to the supermarket, when he saw a young girl sitting on those slate steps he could take two at a time if he really wanted to. Midgardians aged differently than what he was used to, so he wasn’t much good at supposing someone’s age, but he thought you looked to be about in your teenaged years. You were sitting glumly upon those cold, grey steps, staring down at the blank, stark white pages of a sketchpad. Your eraser on the tip of the pencil made a dull thump-thump-thump as you tapped it against the emptiness waiting to be enlivened by strokes from the opposite, leaden end.

“Pardon,” he said, carefully moving on your side.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I-” you cut off with a heinous sort of gasp, the kind Loki would have thought fake if not for the raw feeling behind it. “Y-you’re Loki!”

“Ah, so I have been found out,” he chuckled, somewhat nervously. It seemed you said it with a sort of starstruck wonder, but he could hardly believe such a thing possible and figured it was wishful thinking on his part.

“Oh my gosh!! I’m your biggest fan,” you squealed before introducing yourself and brandishing your still unfilled sketchbook and pencil toward him. “If-if it’s not too much trouble, could I maybe get y-your signature... Please?”

Now the shoe was on the other foot, and he felt shock at this stuttered request. It felt almost like some long forgotten fever dream. Someone wanted his signature? At this point, it was a small thing for the other avengers at this point, but not so for Loki, who so many were still afraid to meet eyes with. He could have continued wistfully standing there as if reminiscing over some passed joy, but this was the present, and he did not want to disappoint his biggest, possibly only, fan.

“Alright,” he granted, putting down his bags of fresh produce and fish he was planning on cooking up for dinner that night. He took the offered paper and scrawled a quick note, made out to the name you’d given him moments before. He was never much of an emotional speaker, but he hoped it sufficed. He finished with his well-practiced, looping signature. “Here you go, little one.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Loki!”

He chuckled a little at the sound of the name. True, he went by no surname as he felt he didn’t belong to any one particular group or family, and would rather not be reminded of his lineage, true or otherwise. Still, hearing the honorific before his name was unusual, especially when your continued respect prompted you to offer to help with his groceries.

“I am certain you need to be running home soon, it is almost dinner time. But I appreciate it immensely.”

“Don’t worry about that,” you persisted, grabbing a bag anyway. “I lice in the building. We just moved here. But you save the city literally all the time, and your powers are so cool! You deserve a little extra respect.”

“If you say so,” he managed, still in a fit of disbelief. “If anything, it should be because I am elderly. Over 1,000 years old, you know,” he joked.

Indeed, you did know, and began to ask him a series of questions about things he might have experienced in history, though pausing to ramble about how you hoped you weren’t pestering and to stop you if you were, he interjected it was no bother at all. By the time you reached the third floor where his rooms resided, you were bubbling with uncontainable excitement, sharing that your new home was on the same level, just a few doors down.

Once you’d helped him deliver his things to his table, he showed you back to the door when you told him your father would be home from work at any minute, and the god thought it important to introduce himself to his new neighbor. In those few minutes, you began to shy away again, that stutter coming back, as if you’d realized anew just what exactly was happening.

Loki shook the hand of the man you’d identified as your father, a nearly middle-aged sir who was just on the cusp of graying. He exchanged a quick conversation with him that resulted in an invitation to dinner that weekend. The god was near sure you were ready to collapse with excitement when he said yes, but you managed to remain relatively calm, though there was a certain spark behind your eyes. Still, it was a school night, and you had some homework to complete, so you all said goodbye to each other and went your separate ways.

As Loki settled down for the evening in his favorite, comfy armchair with the book he’d started the night before, for the first time in a long time, he felt not so alone, and most thrilling of all, he felt appreciated.

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xo-cuteplosion-xo · 3 years

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The Ending of The Everlasting Sun.

Soukoku angst: will have 2 parts, one is Chuuya pov another is Dazai pov (Dazai is part 1 aka this piece. I'll start chuuya's tomorrow)

I’ll do a version for Dazai after (not pov but version so Chuuya can have the dose of Dazai’s pain T_T).

Warnings: Death, gore, violence, angst with just more angst. (idk if i consider dazai ooc but towards the end is mostly how i feel the situation would happen, so kinda ooc)

TBH, I don't know why I wrote this but hey I love feeding peeps and myself angst so, here you go.

The Ending of The Everlasting Sun. | A Soukoku Angst one-shot |

words: 4264

Dazai’s pov- (it swaps between third and first. I know my writing style is weird af)

The sun, a forever gleaming light in life. They say even in death, the sun won’t fade from your view. For light, something that brings reason to a life so pitched in black is everlasting. There is a place that resides within a person the sun that will never leave. Like the memories that one left behind shall forever hold. Memories will not fade, even as the deceased are placed within mounds of dirt, their body left to neatly decompose.

They say it is natural to feel your heart so heavy. To feel so pained when death washes over. Death can change a human, they say, death is rebirth, something shall always come from it. In some ways, Dazai knew the truth of such words. For he’s experienced the death of his light. At least he had thought the brunette, who’d stuck by his suicidal tendencies, his cruel ways, he thought that man had been the light. He had changed, he’d moved on into the light of this world. His heart may still be shadowed in the darkness the mafia left. The memories of those he left may never leave, but he was in the light. He was the light for another now. Still, dark himself, he’d help lead his news pupil to the light. He repeated this so often, yet why, why did his mind travel back to those days, the days when he was alongside that small ginger boy? The boy with anger issues could be heard a mile away, was he important? Why must he feel as if he left behind something important when he’d listened to a friend's dying wish? Surely he was better off now? He felt better, life wasn’t as black or as unlit as it had once been. So why? Why was it always that ginger that popped into his head on those restless nights? He worried so much if he was okay. If he was out there using that uncontrollable side without him. Ever since he left, he’d worried that ginger would do something as stupid as that. So maybe, just maybe, this world had blessed him with two lights. A light to change, that light had left him to save him. Then the second light, the light that showed him he could love and be loved. This world could take both lights to make such a realization, and eventually, this world, so cruel and dark would. Not by fate, but by the hand of an enemy who sought out Dazai’s weakness.

I stood beneath pelting rain, my mind held within it one thought, where was he? Never had the small boy I'd fallen for in my early teens missed a chance to torment me as I had tormented him. Never had he let the phone, to which we still held each other's numbers unblocked, reach the full number of rings before the voicemail kicked in. I had never felt this before. Nor had I the courage to admit such a thing. For feelings were only a danger to men like myself. I am undoubtedly cruel. Even now, in my early twenties, I stand beneath the rain alone. The mistakes of my past hanging over me for somebody to eventually discover. The past profession I had tried to hide and had hidden well for many years was creeping to my heels. The man whom I'd sought help from was gone, his final words my reason to be in the light. If neither side means anything, he told me to help the defenseless, to help the orphans. That is what I did. I left behind the ginger-haired boy whom, I now say with hesitance, I loved. It is a fine point that I was able to decline such things until after I left the mafia, for otherwise, I may have tried to do good whilst in the mafia, so I could stay with my final light within my life. Many have shed their light on me. The orphan I took in has shocked me many times, reading me in a way I thought only Oda, my extinguished light, could. He knew I was mourning that past friend when he found me at his grave. He continues to shock me to this day, the only one who can occasionally see past the mask I've worn since I was 14, since Mori found me. Kunikida has taught me responsibility and morals. There is still a bottle of things I shall never change. Some people can’t change. My mind prevents me from collecting such information about being human. My ability says it all, does it not? It is a perfect description of myself. The intelligence I share with Dostoevsky is merely one of the many things that keep me behind the wall of change. I may do things for another reason, but I am still a shadow over the people around me. I curse them all, I have brought heavy burdens onto the agency, I harm all of those around me. Love is a feeling I'm incapable of. At least, I can not recognize true love, only conclude that is what this pain is. It is a pain like no other, it is not physical, but no sense of being can push away the tangent throb of every beat. It is my mind, and the way I was brought up so young, that initially warped me beyond repair. That is why I am here, running in the rain despite my coworkers protesting to stop me.

Dazai understood the trap he was headed for, but he knew the trap would result in a fatality either way. If it was his death that waited for him, then he was alright with that. If it was painless, and he died a quick death before his mouth could run to say final bidding words to Chuuya, then he’d die. If this taunt was to break him, if he were to be late, he would drop to his knees and beg his old friend, who lay watching over him, to be forgiven for his actions tonight. If some awful being really did oversee this world, let it give Dazai one moment of peace. Let him have one good light stay until he is gone. He couldn’t do it again, the pain of holding a bloodied body within his arms, it would be hell. He knew not of true mourning, the pain of losing the one, who in a storybook, could be considered a soulmate. He knew it, others knew it, so many people knew the way he stared at Chuuya was not a friendly matter. There was lust within his soft chocolate hues, a hidden cave behind closed doors. Secret thoughts hidden in his mind. The things he wished he could have done before he left, the way he wanted to fix things, to regain what he had lost by leaving the mafia.

With every soft patter, Dazai flew between streets and yards. With every step, he grew closer and closer. With every new step, he felt his heart sink. For the area around was brittle and frail. The ground was crushed and indented. Some buildings lay in tattered pieces. Holes the size of beds lay stretched in the buildings and grass. The worst began to form in his head as his legs picked up into a pace he thought he could never take into. His lungs burned with the inhaled drips of water that turned to flames within his lungs. He pushed past the pain, the burn, the tired flail of limbs. His legs grew numb, but he refused to stop until his arms were flying open doors to a building that looked so horribly damaged.

As if I were the show that night, I could remember the lights. My lungs felt like fire, and my legs were ready to buckle beneath my frail body. I had not eaten a proper meal for weeks, my pockets empty from money spent to cover the scars I had littered my body with. The night is a haze within my mind. An unwilling nightmare I wish to set aside and to never look at again. A night I wish could be rewritten. It was a night that even I had thought the same way as Destoveski. My mind was no longer set right, that side of me to which was feared, had ripped from its confines and torn through to confine me to my own mind. I had truly wanted to tear a sheet from the book spoken about so much in this little town of Yokohama. If it meant my lights could come back and this world could change, then I would, I would do it without a blink. I’d make myself the villain to free my light. I would do it for the right reasons. Yet, I could never ruin the lights of others. There would be too many sacrifices to do such a thing at that moment. To this day, I curse myself for thinking like that man, thinking about such things would make me like him. Dostoevsky was no man I wanted to be.

The light pulsed for a moment before illuminating the room in a sharp glow of white. Dazai stood blinded before the room came into focus, the empty space warm in comparison to the pelting rain. For a moment, the world had paused, allowing his mind to make a sharp halt and think. Though his thoughts were not something he wished to hear. The thoughts inside his head screamed an equal verse to the night he’d lost Oda. He had no more time to pause, as soon as he’d adjusted to the blaring lights, he was scanning the room, finding the spots of blood, the corpses littered on the ground. Then, he was running against his will again. The next thing he knew, he was diving forward too quickly brush against the ginger, who’d consumed his thoughts since they reunited all that time ago.

The first thoughts I had when I felt the cloth of his jacket, the same one I had sown hat-rack into when we were 15, were thoughts of panic. I was always the type of man who wore a mask, but that mask only masked my depression. I yearned for death, I lived to be human, and that feeling you have right as you fall victim to death may be my only chance at life. My co-workers were never worried about me. At first, I had shocked them. I remember the way Kunikida halted with his trust, how on my first job he watched me with a hawk's eye. Never once did I not feel the burning gaze of his judgment. I never blamed him, I was a man with an erased past. There was nothing to tell whether I was good or evil. The day I entered the agency, I would have said I was that darker gray that wisps on the side of black. Today, I would tell you I wanted to be the light, to be good, but I am far from it. It shall always be my nature to look up into another and dive within their soul. My hands are skilled in ways of torture. I could shoot down an enemy with my eyes closed. These pieces of me still exist, even though I had locked them to the confine of my mind, a faraway nightmare that haunted me. The faces of the victims who plead because they had family, haunt me. It’s not remorse I feel, it’s a haunting reminder that I shall never see that friend again. When I die, I shall not meet him in the afterlife, if there is one at all. I like to believe that one can look up and think there is such a place. These thoughts, wishes, all suddenly reappeared the moment his body fell to the floor. Yet, even coated in his own blood, his breathing so unsteady I feared he was only a few breaths from death, he remained beautiful. How could I, a genius strategist with an inhumane IQ, let this happen? Why had I not called him, this ginger, ocean-eyed slug? Chuuya, he’d always be those names to me. I still wonder why we call each other such things, but it makes us both feel alive. With him, I could act like a child, as I never had a true chance to be a child. Even now, if I could muster up the courage as I write, I'd twist the narrative so it looked as if I did not care. If I did that, I would dishonor the words we had shared that night.

Dazai rushed over the pavement to grab hold of Chuuya. His hands sliding over the boy's body to pull him over his lap. His eyes are a sea of worry and panic. One of his hands grabbed the boy’s wrist lightly, his pulse was so slow, his eyes were already slowly dropping, but Dazai stayed confident. “Hey Chibi, you’re an idiot.”

The frail form of the boy beneath him cracked a small smile. “You’re the idiot you- his body racked itself with a spurt of coughs, his lips dripping crimson to join the stains on his perfectly pale skin.- d-damn mackerel.”

Dazai dropped the boy's wrist with a chuckle, pressing his hand to the boy's lips. “Yeah, I know Chibi, I know. - The ginger's eyes began to flutter shut.- No Chibi, your eyes have to stay open. Look, I've got people coming to fix you up. So just try to keep yourself awake.” Dazai’s hand moved to cup the other's cheek. “You’ll be okay.”

Chuuya’s breath staggered a wheeze interrupting the shallow breaths he’d been going through. “I’m dying, aren't I?”

Dazai shook his head, feeling his chest sting with the familiar pain of grief. As if somebody took a microscope over the feeling, it continued to grow. By now, he was sure the pain exceeded the total amount of grief he’d gone through with Oda’s passing. “No Chibi, you’re not… you're not dying.” He paused in that sentence looking down at Chuuya, who laughed dryly.

“So fucking optimistic.” They sat in silence, and Chuuya's eyes fixed on Dazai. Though it was unnoticed by Dazai, his clouded tired eyes were on his lips. He was taking into memory the parts of wishes he’d never get. Every passing second, Chuuya felt his eyes threaten to drip shut. He was trying to listen to Dazai, but his eyes were bricks; sleep a melody that sang to him. With the fear of never waking up again, Chuuya lifted his hand from his side to reach Dazai’s cheek, his blood leaving a mark. “Hey, Dazai.” His voice lacked anything but sincerity.

“No Chuuya. No, you’re okay! Just a few more minutes and Yosano will be here! Fuck, just stop moving, keep your eyes open, keep breathing because you’re alright.” Chuuya had never seen Dazai act like this before. So as Dazai’s hand warmly wrapped around his, his head pressing into the cold touch of Chuuya’s, words were spoken.

“Dazai, I. Never. H-hated… you. I. lov-” before those words could finish, his body was shaking. Tears were forming, he was still conscious and very much alive, but his entire system of organs and cells were rejecting him. The use of corruption had been at its limit long before Dazai had touched him. Before his ability had been canceled out, he was beyond death. The way he coughed his hands, flailing out to grab Dazai’s shirt and press their bodies together, made even Dazai emotional. Dazai managed to still the boy's movements. His eyes half-open as he tried to hold onto whatever string was left. “Lo-” this time he was cut off by Dazai’s hand. His head shaking, hearing Chuuya speak would make this far too real.

He wasn’t ready to let him go. For the first time, he wanted to be far from death, far from the pain and suffering of humankind. So as Chuuya smiled and looked to the ceiling, his hand continued to stroke Dazai’s cheek. A reminder he was still alive.

That moment ended all too quickly when Chuuya took a final staggered breath and looked to Dazai. “Loved you.” He finished his sentence before his eyes dropped shut. His hand slipped into a limp state within Dazai’s hold.

It took the brunette no time to jump to compressions. He continuously screamed. A voice that had never once mourned, or shed a tear, now sat in a contorted expression between agony and doubt. His mind was static, for the first time nothing clear could form within his head. He shrieked out for Chuuya. Open your eyes, he had chanted and begged before he no longer had the strength to continue. He simply fell on top of Chuuya, his ear to his chest praying to hear a soft thud. Three minutes passed before his body, devoid of any, and everything was yanked away. Had he been shown a mirror, one would not have recognized Dazai. His clothes were bloodied, his hair disheveled and wet from the rain he’d run in only a handful of minutes ago.

Dazai sat numbly as his co-workers looked around trying to find if there was any danger left. When the scene was clear and Yosano made the final statement, the world truly crumbled. Still, despite having started CPR and rescue breaths, despite having felt the cooling touch of his skin, Dazai had held onto the hope that Yosano would fix this. He watched as she put on a work face. Her heels clicked across the ground as she walked over to Dazai with a doctor's approach, not a friend's approach. She bent before Dazai and began to speak. “Dazai, I need you to focus your eyes on me, alright?” Dazai could read her mind like an open book. His mind, in his numb state, had returned to his 17-year-old self. Devoid of any real feeling, bent on causing pain and suffering. He tilted his head like that child-self would in this situation. For once, he genuinely felt human. “I understand you were close to Nakahara-san. You were also here at the scene. It’s with much regret-” before she could finish, Dazai’s eyes grew cold and clouded, his lips a snarl as he shoved her.

“He’s okay! Chuuya is okay, he’ll wake up! He always does, even when I have to change things in a second advance because I fucked up. He's okay! We’re soukoku, double black. We can’t be put down. We’re partners, we need each other." even Yosano froze at the sudden outburst. The way Dazai cried without realizing the tears were falling. The way he tried to look happy as if he hadn’t watched Chuuya die within his arms. “Right… he’s okay right?” Dazai hardly knew what he was saying, his head foggy, his mind trying to stay collected.

If one could compare him to anything, one would say that moment he'd looked like a child, no older than fourteen, who’d watched a death before their eyes. Yosano collected herself before shaking her head. She decided to take the approach she’d have with a child instead of an adult. For in this moment, Dazai was experiencing what one could call his first-ever truly emotional loss. This was the first time his mind was catching up with him. “Dazai, Chuuya cared very much for you. You know that right?”

Dazai seemed to calm slightly at the thought as he focused on Yosano. “Yeah, he loved me… he said he loved me.” Suddenly, the situation became worse than she’d thought.

“Mhm, and you loved him too?” Dazai took his time to slowly nod before gulping and shrinking down.

“And now… he’s not coming home. No more loud, annoying comments. No more nights at the bar…” Dazai’s voice choked before the sounds of more footsteps followed in.

A high-pitched female voice screamed in a shrieking roar. “Where is he!” Dazai knew that voice. Kouyo, his Ane-san. At least, at one point she’d been his Ane-san. But his eyes stopped looking at Yosano and instead took a glimpse at Chuuya, whose corpse still lay there.

Once more, Dazai’s emotions took control, and he placed his hands over his eyes and shut himself away. Yosano swore under her breath and stood up. “Which one is he?” Yosano stood up rather angrily. She disliked her conversations being so rudely interrupted, even if it were somebody she had a small connection with.

“Chuuya…” the red-haired female stormed over before spotting Dazai first. His body cradled in like a child. A position she’d never seen him in. Her heart could only lurch to the worst. Hesitantly, she looked off to the side and saw it. The bloodied corpse. She spent no more time looking, she couldn’t.

She shoved Yosano away from Dazai, a boy she had once helped to look after and almost raise. Though she resented the boy for abandoning his role as an executive, she knew how much the pair had been connected. So she’d be a mother or older sister for a bit. Something Dazai had never seemed to have. “Dazai, it’s Kouyo, can you look at me? I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

Dazai peeked from his arms, sniffing in his delirious state as he lunged towards her. Not in a hostile way, but an embrace. Something he never thought he’d need. He felt so human, so alive, but at the same time, he felt so dead inside. He felt as if his life had been torn and replaced within seconds. This feeling he couldn’t place a name on. “I was too late… I couldn’t, and now he’s and I… it’s all my-'' Kouyo was quick to shut him down, muffling her own sobs as she rocked Dazai in her arms.

“Hush child, these things happen. The fault is never that you could not make it in time. The fault lies within the bastard who did this. He always took extremes to protect you, Dazai. So hush now, let yourself grieve.” There was a slight pause as the agency starred in shock. This woman, who most of them knew as a vengeful woman with no remorse, sat cradling a grown man from an opposing organization as if he were her child, no more like an older sister cradling a younger brother. “Dazai, I won’t criticize your reaction, I've seen it many times in the mafia. Little children who witness death at such a young age think they are immune to it. They find another blame or they say they are monsters. You were 14 when Mori took you in. You never had somebody to teach you to grieve. You never needed to, not until now. So listen to me child, you’re going to let it all out, the years of pain and suffering, the years of grief for lost friends, even I have cried in my life. Nobody is immune to pain, some of us just think we are.” As Kouyo spoke, she noted Dazai’s breathing reached a slowing point. He was fast asleep before she finished her words. Her touch was gentle as she brushed a lock of his hair behind his ears.

Next, she walked over to Chuuya and hung her head, murmuring words of mourning. She walked off quickly, but came back moments later with his hat. “He’d want somebody to have it.” Yosano stood beside Kouyo, who choked back her own tears.

“I think it should go to Dazai. He always mocked his hats, even though he loved seeing Chuuya in them. They really were meant for each other. It’s unfortunate such a great pair ended up… in a life like this. Perhaps they will be reborn in an era where they are nothing but students who fall in love. I like to think there is always a second chance for lives that end too short.”

With a nod, they both looked to Dazai, who looked at peace sleeping on the ground.

When I woke up that day after, I could hardly remember anything. I had lost myself completely to the side that was human. I truly did try to live on, but it was difficult. No matter where I looked, I could see his laugh, I hated it. The pain that constantly wrapped around me. Hence, why I sit here with a pen. I never took myself to write my thoughts down. Oda had once ruminated about being a reader, he died before he ever could. I miss them both. I say that, but when I look down at the tear-stained paper, so many of them were for Chuuya. A love I never got to kiss or truly love. Today, I will not wake up. I no longer care about things like making my death overly complex and comfortable. I shall go to sleep with Chuuya’s hat at my side. I shall die with him at my side. That is how it should have been. Chuuya should have lived that night. I shall never know what sparked him to use corruption without me there. All I know is the worst person in the world, Destovesky, who now lay in a ditch from my own pistol, threatened the ginger to such an extent he felt the need to use it. In a way, I have solved several problems with one action. I killed the criminal, and I'm killing the single person whose blood runs more mafia black than any other.

Tag list If you want to be added when I upload fics/HC etc., just shoot me an ask: @jadegreenimmortality

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terramythos · 3 years

Text

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 10 of 26

Title: The Picture of Dorian Gray (1890)

Author: Oscar Wilde

Genre/Tags: Fiction, Gothic Horror, Third-Person, LGBT Protagonist (I... guess)

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 4/13/2021

Date Finished: 4/20/2021

When artist Basil Hallward paints a picture of the beautiful and innocent Dorian Gray, he believes he’s created his masterpiece. Seeing himself on the canvas, Dorian wishes to remain forever young and beautiful while the portrait ages in his stead. The bargain comes true. While Dorian grows older and descends a path of hedonism and moral corruption, his portrait changes to reflect his true nature while his physical body remains eternally youthful. As his debauchery grows worse, and the portrait warps to reflect his corruption, Dorian’s past begins to catch up to him.

Perhaps one never seems so much at one’s ease as when one has to play a part. Certainly no one looking at Dorian Gray that night could have believed that he had passed through a tragedy as horrible as any tragedy of our age. Those finely-shaped fingers could never have clutched a knife for sin, nor those smiling lips have cried out on God and goodness. He himself could not help wondering at the calm of his demeanour, and for a moment felt keenly the terrible pleasure of a double life.

Full review, some spoilers, and content warnings under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Misogyny (mostly satirical). Racism and antisemitism (not so much). Emotional manipulation, blackmail, suicide, graphic murder, and death. Recreational drug use.

Reviewing a classic novel through a modern lens is always going to be a challenge for me. The world seems to change a lot every decade, let alone every century—whether some canonized classic holds up today is pretty hit or miss (sorry, English degree). And considering the sheer amount of academic focus on classic texts, it’s not like I’m going to have a “fresh take” on one for a casual review. I read and reviewed The Count of Monte Cristo last year, and thought it aged remarkably well over 170+ years.

Somehow I never read Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray for school. I tried reading it independently in my late teens/early twenties, and honestly think I was just too stupid for it. Needing a shorter read before the next Murderbot book releases at the end of the month, I grabbed Dorian Gray off the shelf and decided to give it another shot. By the end, I was pleasantly surprised how much I liked the book.

I’m actually going to discuss my pain points before I get into what worked for me. The first half of the book is very slow-paced. The Picture of Dorian Gray is famous for… well… the picture. But it isn’t relevant until the halfway point of the novel, when Dorian does something truly reprehensible and finds his image in the picture has changed. There’s a lot of setup before this discovery. The first half of the book has a lot of fluff, with characters talking about stuff that happened off screen, discussing various philosophies, and so on without progressing the story. Some of this is fine, as it establishes Dorian’s initial character so the contrast later is all the more striking. I just think it could have been shorter. I realize this comes down to personal taste.

I’m also torn on the Wilde’s writing style. He’s very clever, and there are many philosophical ideas in his writing that did genuinely made me stop and think. The prose is also beautiful and descriptive; this is especially useful when it contrasts the horror elements of the story. However, there’s a lot of unnatural, long monologue in the story. Not sure if it’s the time period, Wilde’s background as a playwright, or just his writing style in general (maybe all three), but the characters ramble a LOT. My favorite game was trying to imagine how other characters were reacting to a literal wall of text.

I also feel the need to mention this book has some bigoted content, as implied in my content warnings. The misogyny in the story is satirical; it’s spouted by the biggest tool in the book, Lord Henry, whose whole shtick is being paradoxical. You just need basic critical thought to figure that out. However, some things don’t have that excuse. A minor character in the first half is an obvious anti-Semitic caricature. There’s also some pretty racist content, particularly when Wilde describes Gray’s musical instrument collection. While these are small parts of the book, it’d be disingenuous not to acknowledge them.

All that being said, there were many aspects of the book I enjoyed, particularly in the second half. Wilde does a great job characterizing terrible people who fully believe what they say. Lord Henry is an obvious example, and Dorian follows his lead as the story progresses. One of my favorite bits was after Sibyl’s suicide (which Dorian instigated by being a piece of shit). Dorian is initially shocked, but as he and Lord Henry discuss it, they come to the conclusion that her suicide was a good thing because it had thematic merit. It’s just such a brazen, horrible way to alleviate one’s guilt.

Dorian also goes to significant lengths to justify his actions. At one point, he murders Basil to keep the portrait a secret. While he briefly feels guilty about this, Dorian grows angry at the inconvenience of having killed this man, supposedly an old friend. He even separates himself from the situation, expressing that Basil died in such a horrible way. Bro, you killed him! It was you! The cognitive dissonance is just stunning.

It’s also viscerally satisfying to read about Dorian’s downfall as his awful choices catch up to him. Dorian becoming tormented by the portrait is just... *chef’s kiss*. Is it surprising? No, it’s pretty standard Gothic horror fare. But there’s something to be said about seeing a genuinely horrible man finally pay for what he’s done after getting away with it for so long. I wish real life worked that way.

There’s the picture itself, too. I know it’s The Thing most people know about this novel -- but I just think it’s a cool concept. I like the idea of someone’s likeness reflecting their true self, and the psychological effect it has on the subject. Most of the novel is fiction with realistic horror elements, but I like that there’s a touch of the supernatural thanks to Dorian’s picture. It’s an element I wouldn’t mind seeing in more works.

It's sad to read Dorian Gray with the context of what happened to Wilde. The homoeroticism in the novel is obvious, but tame compared to works today. Wilde and this book are a depressing case study in how queer people are simultaneously erased and reviled in recent history. Wilde was tortured for his homosexuality (and died from resulting health complications) over 100 years ago, yet the 1994 edition of Dorian Gray I read refers to his real homosexual relationship as a "close friendship". It's an infuriating and tragic paradox. Things have improved by inches, but we still have so far to go.

As I grow older I find I appreciate classic works more than when I was forced to read them for school. The Picture of Dorian Gray is a gripping Gothic horror story. Some aspects didn't age particularly well, but that's true for almost anything over time. If you're in the market for this kind of book, I do recommend it.

#this review is late but in my defense the nier remake came out #taylor reads #2021 reading challenge #8/10

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msjr0119 · 5 years

Text

Love, Fate, Destiny

Part 9- Walk away

Riley Brooks is a waitress in a ‘Dive bar” in New York. One Saturday night, her past comes back to haunt her as some unfamiliar punters enter her bar on a bachelor party- one of them being someone who she was once close to.

*CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY*

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012

******

It had been nine months since the social season was in Lythikos. There had been drama, tears, heartbreak and love.

Six months ago Liam married Olivia in an elaborate royal wedding against his father’s wishes. Everyone was pleased and happy for the new king as he could marry for love. Olivia took on her new roles and responsibilities with perfection- she was a natural which shocked most people. Madeleine had attempted to jeopardise the remaining of the social season in order to win the crown again. However she failed yet again, she was humiliated again, she was hated even more due to her meddling.

It was nine months since Riley abruptly left without informing anyone. Leaving not only made her heartbroken but also Drake. She was a hypocrite. She always blamed Drake for disappearing all those years ago- but then she did exactly the same.

It was the day of the Royal Regetta, Riley and Drake had tried to keep their distance from each other. Not wanting to cause a scandal due to Maxwell nearly giving their secret away in the Lythikos wine cellar. King Constantine had informed the press that he was abdicating the throne and that Liam would become King sooner rather than later.

Maxwell had used the excuse that they didn’t have any funds to hire a crew for House Beaumont’s boat- hiring Drake was a cunning plan to get the two love birds some alone time away from prying eyes. The trio had won the race surprisingly- Olivia wasn’t too thrilled but accepted that she wasn’t the Queen of everything.

After the race the suitors joined Olivia on her over-elaborate, luxurious yacht- there was champagne and wine from different regions of France- as well as canopies that were influenced by the Mediterranean. Madeleine made a beeline for Riley and Hana along with Kiara.

“Lady Riley, I must congratulate you. I notice that yourself and the commoner are quite close.”

“We are just friends Countess.”

“Well make sure it stays that way! Lady Kiara was his first love, I’m sure Duchess Olivia has informed you about that at the derby.”

“Yes, she did. Why would you be reiterating this fact? Why does it matter to me?” Riley discreetly grit her teeth, annoyed at Madeleine enjoying making everyone’s life hell.

“Oh it doesn’t matter to you. I’m just informing you. Did you know that Lady Kiara and Drake caused quite a scandal when they were 15?”

“Maddy please!” Kiara pleaded, whilst Riley and Hana looked bewildered- wondering if they needed to find some popcorn to eat whilst Madeleine stirred irrelevant information- doing her forte, creating drama.

“Why Kiara? You and Drake were once a family. It’s such a shame that you were forced to abort your baby.”

Riley stood frozen, feeling like she was about to hyperventilate. Why wouldn’t Drake inform her about this? He said he wanted to marry her but couldn’t tell her that he would have been a father. Hana gulped hard, before dragging Riley away. That was the last time they all saw Riley Brooks.

*****

Riley packed her bags immediately once arriving back at the palace, deciding to leave her close friends a note each- including Drake. Leaving the only man she had truly ever loved. She had text him asking if the rumours were true regarding his and Kiara’s past - he denied it. Asking everyone else for reassurance - they all confirmed that Madeleine was speaking the truth. Now believing she couldn’t trust Drake- she regretting abandoning her live in New York.

Sneaking out of the palace, she wasn’t sure where she was going. What she was going to do with her life. All she knew was that this short time in Cordonia would need to be erased from her mind.

I tell myself, this time it's different.

No goodbyes, cause eyes can't bear to see it.

I'll never survive on one that's coming.

If I stay, ooh no!

Just walk away! Oh, and don't look back

Cause if my heart breaks, it's gonna hurt so bad

You know I'm strong, but I can't take that

Before It's too late, oh, just walk away!

Riley didn’t want anymore unexpected surprises to occur in the future- causing more heartache, deciding to leave would be devastating for both her and Drake but it was her only option. The fact that he had impregnated Kiara was a shock- but the fact he lied about it made her original undecided decision now clear.

******

Liam all those months ago felt as if he was the tip of the iceberg for Riley’s departure. The last night in Lythikos, she had met him in his grand suite. Unknowingly to him, she agreed to do this with Drake and Maxwell to use Liam as an alibi in case Maddy and Kiara did in fact witness Drake and Riley in the wine cellar. She seemed shaken when she arrived at the suite, he had just assumed it was due to being with him alone. He tested the water and kissed her unexpectedly- resulting in a stinging slap on his cheek. It wasn’t until a few days later that Olivia explained why Riley had quite possibly left Cordonia- Kiara’s abortion.

On many occasions Liam had travelled to New York with his friends to attempt to find Riley and bring her back to Drake. They all tried to ring her, text her, contact her on social media- but there was no response. It was as if Riley Brooks was non-existent. After many failed attempts they could never find her. Finding Daniel and Lola the two refused to tell the friends any information regarding her- much to everyone’s annoyance. Feeling frustrated every time they returned to Cordonia without her, they saw Drake’s face sink- he was heartbroken all over again. During arguments he blamed Liam constantly for bringing her here in the first place- why he couldn’t drag her out of the masquerade ball to save her and save their relationship will always haunt him- and will be one of the biggest regrets of his life.

Working late at night, catching up on paperwork- Liam felt his eyes feel heavier with every second that went by. The scotch was previously preventing him face planting his desk. A sudden sharp knock at the door, surely woke him up slightly.

“Come in.”

“Sorry to disturb you, your Majesty.” Liam fixed his facial expression for his guard.

“It’s alright Bast. What can I help you with?”

“It’s what I can help you with, Sir. After lots of research, we believe....”

“You believe what? Just tell me Bast!” Liam snapped before shortly apologising for his short temper.

“We may have some links on Lady Riley. She has a new Instagram page - Rileyj1. We remained searching everything to do with Riley, Brooks, New York. Things that would make sense- anything to find her. After more research, we discovered that her mother’s maiden name was Johnson. Assuming that’s why there’s a ‘J’ in her username, she has most likely changed her name to this also.”

“Do you have any links as to where she may be? Does Drake know?” Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, not knowing what to do. Drake had been an alcoholic mess the last nine months- shutting everybody and everything out.

“According to the page, she spends most of her time in New York and Jersey. No we haven’t informed him.. although we are struggling to interpret her latest post. We may have to inform Drake?”

Liam looked bewildered at Bastien, picking up the bottle of scotch he shook it- to see how much remained. He had a feeling he may need some more scotch to recover from the words that Bastien was possibly about to speak. He couldn’t understand why an Instagram post would make all the difference if they inform Drake with information regarding the love of his life. Bastien asked if Liam would like to view the post and comments- Liam nodded, his heart was beating ten to the dozen, not knowing what exactly to expect. Gasping, his baby blues widened, his jaw was agape and could quite possibly stay in that position.

Yankee2018- Aw Riley, she’s absolutely gorgeous! Congrats guys!

Lolahughes- @yankee2018 She’s like a doll...🥰 love ya chick! Need to meet up soon haven’t seen ya in forever! #schoolreunionasap

DanielMitchell- Don’t drop her! I know how you loved to drop glasses and plates in your waitressing days 🤣..Only joking... 😜

Bethanyhughes- We must all meet up soon? 🍾 #proudauntiebeth

Bigapple123- Ri holding a baby? I never thought I’d see the day 😆, you wouldn’t even hold my children. Only joking cuz! Love ya 😘

Liam didn’t want to read anymore comments, Riley looked beautiful and she was smiling. It was a genuine smile. Reading the comments, he because frustrated and angry with Lola and Daniel- it was written in black and white, it was photographic evidence that they had been in touch with Riley this whole time. Liam’s mind was working out the dates- a pregnancy lasts nine months, nine months ago we were in Lythikos... did Drake and Riley? Shit!

“Bastien! Get the royal jet ready. Tomorrow- everyone is taking a trip to the states and we are not leaving until we find her!”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #riley brooks #drakewalker #liam rhys #hanalee #maxwell beaumont #trr bastien #trr kiara #trr madeleine #trr lovefatedestiny

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miss-sternennacht · 4 years

Text

Tsukasa Yugi isn’t who we think he is.

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stonefreeak · 5 years

Text

Here we go, the first CK update of 2019!

Worried, Yoda is. Brought up a terrible thought, his conversation with young Skywalker and Tano did.

Sabotaged, young Anakin's padawanship was. Know this, the Council does. Investigating it, they are. Much they have uncovered, but much still in the dark, Yoda now believes. Know what truly happened, they do not. Know why it happened, they do not.

Help Skywalker with his trauma, Master Hestish did. On a mission to help other traumatised children, she went. Died, she did. Coincidence, it could be. But worry that it was not, Yoda does. If sent on more than his share of missions, Obi-Wan was, why so? To separate him from Skywalker, perhaps? If so, get rid of Skywalker's other closest support pillar, his mind healer, why not?

A former war zone with traumatised children. Send Master Hestish, obvious, the choice was. But if falsified the report was... If former war zone, former was not... then sent to her death, Master Hestish was. Murdered, she would have been.

See it, they did not. Unfortunate and tragic circumstance, they believed it. Followed Senate information and demands, they did. They do. They have for centuries.

If under a Sith Lord, the Senate is, murdered Jedi, how many are there then?

Trap of the Sith, the Senate has become? If so, escape the trap, how can they? Simply leave, they cannot. If try, they do, close, the jaws of this trap no doubt would.

Worried, Yoda is. Let the feeling go, he cannot yet. Meditate, he needs to. But task before him, he has first.

Talk to Master Namun and young Ellé, he must.

~~~~

Ellé continues crossing off reports on the long long lists of completed cross-checks. The work is almost mind-numbing in it's repetitiveness, but Master Namun is great company. Whenever they take a break, she regales Ellé with a story from the Temple, a Jedi myth, some of her research, or a mission she's been on in the past.

There is a part of Ellé that worries, however. She's been away from her lady's side so much lately, and while she trusts her handmaiden sisters implicitly, she cannot shake the feeling that she's somehow neglecting her duty. However, she understands why her lady deemed this so important. There are so many reports that come up with inconsistencies when compared to the automatically saved-copies from the secondary backup hard drives shared by Naboo and several of its neighbouring systems. The automated systems create a copy of all Republic reports, mission specs, and bills as soon as they're uploaded to the Senate system, meaning it's a copy of the first version of everything. It also saves all updated versions as a sub-section file, to track changes in documents. The system and hard drives compiling the information will make a list of all changes done to the copied files, and require Senator specific passwords.

While Ellé wasn't sure why Lady Amidala had asked her to set it up together with the neighbouring systems when she first took office as Senator at the time, she's now very glad that Lady Amidala had the idea at all. She might have heard about it from someone else, perhaps there are more caches like this, but Ellé doesn't know for sure.

The number of altered reports sent to the Jedi are staggering. One or two would be nothing, but it is not just one or two. The more they look, the more they find. So very many. The more they found, the grimmer the look on Master Namun's face. The details vary, some have very few alterations, some have many. Only a minority has logged alterations in the main system—meaning they were altered legally and above-board—while most have had their logs erased.

She doesn't like it at all. That the Senate's record keeping and reports are this easy to change, this easy to fake... It's worrying. Has this been exploited in other ways? More than just to target the Jedi?

The sound of knocking on the private study room's door breaks Ellé out of her thoughts. Who would come to visit them here? The room is set to do not disturb, and most wouldn't even know who is in here at all...

"I'll see who it is, Master Namun," she says, and gets to her feet.

"Thank you." Master Namun remains seated, her crutches leaning against the table.

While Ellé wasn't sure what, or who, she was expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

"Master Yoda!"

The small Jedi Master hobbles inside as Ellé quickly stepped aside to let him inside, the door sliding shut behind him.

"Master Namun, Young Ellé... A request for you, I have."

A request?

"Absolutely, Master Yoda. What can we help you with?" Master Namun's voice is calm, but Ellé has spent enough time in her presence to recognise the slightest hint of worry in the stiffness of her shoulders.

"A mission, I would like for you to look into. Whether details were changed, I want to know."

So, a specific mission. That's both interesting and worrying. Ellé finds herself moving her weight from foot to foot, unable to stand entirely still. There's a nagging feeling of worry in her gut. The Jedi have been friends of Naboo ever since the Battle, and to see the horrors that have been inflicted on them under Senate watch has been awful. If Master Yoda is looking for a specific mission... It cannot be anything good.

"What are the details, Master Yoda? I will write them down and look into it as quickly as possible," Master Namun says as she pulls a piece of flimsi closer, britsel pen ready in her hand.

"Around 14 years ago, it would be. A mission to Imenth. Went on it, Master Hestish and Padawan Areeth did."

Master Namun visibly startles, her eyes widen and her mouth drops open. It's obvious that she recognises the mission Master Yoda is talking about.

"Master Hestish... Bharani Hestish... and Padawan Areeth... They died on that mission to Imenth. You believe...?" she trails off, but her implied question is clear.

"Know, I do not. Make hasty judgements, I do not wish to. But possible, I believe it is." Master Yoda's ears droop, and his eyes are trained at the floor.

Master Namun draws a deep shuddering breath and nods. "Absolutely, Master Yoda. I will look into it as soon as I finish with the report I'm currently working on. How do I divulge my results?"

Sensitive information cannot be sent over a comm. It's only ever spoken of in private rooms with jammers running.

"Schedule a meeting with me, you should. If something of note there is, take it to the Council I will. If not, then leave it be, we shall."

The words hang heavy in the air for the briefest of moments.

"Understood, Master Yoda," Master Namun says and nods her head once.

They say their goodbyes before Master Yoda heads off again and Ellé takes her place at the table again.

Master Namun's eyes are far away, but they are also shinier than usual—a hint of tears.

"Master Namun?" Ellé breathes, worried.

Master Nmun doesn't turn to face Ellé, barely reacts to her presence at all.

"Bharani Hestish was a good friend of mine. Her loss was terrible. If she was murdered..." She doesn't finish the sentence.

Ellé bites her lip and feels an ice cold lump form in her stomach. All of this is... remote, to her. It's horrible, but it is also slightly unreal. It's names of people she doesn't know and have mostly never met. But Master Namun must know some of these people... How much worse mustn't it be for her?

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)

#Supreme Chancellor Obi Wan Kenobi #yoda #star wars #update #my writing

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daazurebanana · 4 years

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“It is so hard to be a normal person when one is not a normal person.”

Helping Mental Disorders

When I was a senior in high school, I went on a field trip with my English class to Salt Lake City to see a Sundance film. The movie, “Notes on Blindness”, was a true story about a man named John Hull who had a disease that took his sight when he was in his 30s. I remember being totally in awe of the way the film showed blindness, something I never expected to see or feel. Mental disorders are, in a unique way, a kind of blindness. Living with a mental illness is like living in a different world -- one that cannot be understood or lived in by the meager average human like me. Now, I don’t say that to offend, though offense is bound to be taken by someone on this planet, I will verbally stand my ground from where I sit on my couch. You, try as you might, can never truly empathize with me, and I likewise, cannot completely empathize with you no matter how similar we may be. Thus, really, we are all blind in a way. If this is true of two “normal” people, the divide is especially wide between a normal person and one with mental illness. Nevertheless, I don’t mean to imply by this that mental disorders should be eliminated or dismissed. I don’t think mental disorders should be erased. This is a research argument is it not? I merely wish to draw your attention to the goods and evils of mental disorders, whether someone else’s or your own; focusing on clinical depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety as they are found in my family.

Partial Personality Disorder

A long-time loyal social worker for a foster care facility, one probably wouldn’t immediately assume my step-aunt Sarah suffered from Borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPD, also known as an emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD). BPD is a mental disorder similar to bipolar in its propensity to mood swings as a result of abandonment and instability issues in their relationships, make being alone extremely difficult, causing extreme behaviors that tend to drive other people away. It includes symptoms like “self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships. The effect BPD has on one’s perception of self and others creates many difficulties in daily life” (Mayo Clinic).

Her development of BPD was in response to the divorce of her parents. Her father and older siblings, while she remained with her mother . As she approached the teenage years, she showed increased symptoms of abandonment issues as is common. She struggled with cutting, became very volatile, suicidal and promiscuous. The symptoms worsened as she got older until eventually, her mother admitted her to the hospital for treatment. As she became an adult, she was able to gain more control of her moods with the help of education in social work and the natural passage of time. Though Sarah does not mention her diagnosis in the memoir, as she describes the everyday niceties of life and the trials, there is a trace of something off-balanced about the way she describes people and memories which could easily be put down to the cancer she was struggling with, or simply exaggeration (Southey, Sarah).

Although Sarah is not a blood-relative, her disorder intrigues me. According to the Mayo clinic’s page about treating BPD, psychotherapy is the best option. With patience and willingness to make changes, patients could eventually learn to live in a self-reliant manner. Perhaps the most valuable lesson from my step-aunt’s memoir is that no matter when or how it happens, success is often possible. This doesn’t mean it is easy. In a rather hard-to-understand article I perused, the authors said that ‘it cannot be denied that people with mental disorders cannot recover completely and (the illness) will even hamper their productivity” (Agustina Barimbing, Maryati). Certainly, in my aunt’s case, for example, success was delayed by her disorder, but it was not stopped. Sure, not everyone can be an astronaut, but satisfaction with self and achievements is possible. This is possible for anyone by finding knowing personal limits and asking for help when needed. This is true of both people both with and without disabilities.

Bipolar

Memories are stretchy and blurry things, pliable to new information and experiences so I can’t give the exact order of the events of the year I turned six, but I do remember moving to Utah, my mom giving birth to twins, and my dad being admitted to the hospital. My aunt and uncle offered to watch my older sister and me, so we packed some clothes and drove for hours before arriving to be baked alive in the suffocating Las Vegas heat for two weeks (the equivalent of 2 months in kid-years). Being six, I couldn’t understand why I was with these people instead of my own family. Every night I’d sit on my bed with my 16-year-old cousin and sob fat tears as I made her show me how many days were left before I could go home.

What I couldn’t comprehend at the time was that my father was admitted to the hospital due to a mental breakdown. It was the beginning of a recession and he had just lost his job, been injured in a car accident, become the father of (now) 6 children, and signed a new mortgage. He was thrown into a situation that would have been too much pressure even for someone without his struggles with a mental disorder. That episode was the first of many I can remember--the latest being last week, when he had a severe anxiety attack and was admitted for a week and a half to a mental institution that confiscated every possible danger, right down to his shoelaces.

My father has severe anxiety and bipolar II, meaning instead of having extreme highs and extreme lows, he experiences what is called ‘hypomania’: an emotional spectrum that has less extreme manic episodes and spends more time in the depression, resembling clinical depression. For a very long time I personally--and I am sure I am not alone--have had the tendency to interpret his reaction to stress as weakness. Reflecting on my six-year-old mindset, the belief that when presented with a trial, it is one’s own responsibility to remain strong and to protect those one loves--not to weigh them down, was incorrect. One of the main roadblocks to helping those with and without mental disorders is a difficulty “with self-care and...informing others of their needs” (Arredondo, Emanuel), and being sensitive to the needs for special support without bias is important. Such prejudices is society can be poisonous because issues that arise can’t be solved because the sufferer does not feel they can openly share their feelings.

In society, vulnerability and sensitivity seem like signs of human weakness; something to be smothered, swallowed and overcome. But that is simply not true. It is true that mental disorders cause problems--to put it mildly. But here is a thought that a friend of mine put to me one day as I was moping around about something: “if it is inevitable, why not be happy about it?” That is not to say that anyone is wrong for being unhappy, but if it is inevitable, why beat ourselves up about it? Depending on the disorder, the reactions in our body that produce the disorder are different. One’s proclivity to having a disorder is not as simple as having one or not having one. In the article “Psychiatric genetics: back to the future," by Carson M. Owen and M. O’Donovan, it is explained that, although there are exceptions, disorders are a result of genes interacting with other genes or genes reacting to the environment. Gene-gene interaction implies that a person has the disorder no matter how the environment interacts with them, whereas gene-environment interaction refers to one developing a disorder as a result of a negative environment. But here’s the thing: both have the potential of disorder either way. Both often become apparent in teenage years to young adulthood when people are faced with a lot of stressful situations and decisions like college, moving away from home, dating, marriage, and starting a career. If stress is the catalyst, how can one a genetic predisposition to avoid a disorder? Although a perfect life is ideal, it is also impossible, as I have shown in the experience of my Aunt Sarah.

So much money and effort is spent on preventing and treating mental disorders, that the concept that mental disorders destroy is drilled into our craniums. But what do they inspire? There is a natural tendency to consider mental illness as something that is a burden. We have a tendency in our lives to see problems and try to fix all of them at once, but what we really need to do is take a breath and figure out what we can and cannot control, and from there press forward. Accepting our weaknesses is not the same thing as being satisfied with them.

Dr. Jamison is a well-renowned psychiatrist who specialized in academic medicine and manic-depressive illness (bipolar). In her autobiography: “An Unquiet Mind”, she shares her research related to bipolar as well as her experience as she undergoes the same intense mood swings as her patients. Kay Jamison helps the blind to see, in a way (or, to continue my earlier comparison, she helps the seeing to be blind.) "An Unquiet Mind" (more than anything else I have ever read) helps a person on the outside looking in to understand the chaotic nature of disorders--meaning chaotic in the sense of "uncontrollable", not necessarily "manic".

She relates having a disorder to the lifestyle of a blind teenager she used to counsel. Having met with him for many months, she felt she understood what it was like to be blind; however, one day she came to see him in class and was shocked to see that the room was totally dark, while he and the rest of the class were sitting quietly listening to a recording. This experience made her realize that she really did not know what is meant to be blind. We cannot fully understand what it is like to live with another's disorder, but Dr. Jamison says that we can love them and just be with them. The diversity of every single human ‘bean’s’ perspective adds spice to the whole of the culture. Our culture is profoundly influenced by the positives of mental illness. Bipolar disorder and depression are linked to creativity and productivity--many poets, writers, actors, singers, and other artists have made significant contributions to society. Take Dostoyevsky and Van Gogh (and my own father who has written 9 novels, a chemistry, and a computer textbook, makes cheese, is a blacksmith, a lapidarist...you get the picture).

As I have said, I don’t think the mental disorder is completely bad, but it does include some inherent and devastating problems. Some of the downsides of bipolar and depression include suicide, psychosis, abuse of others, loss of productivity and meaning, among others. In order to treat, or even better, prevent the negative effects of mental disorders, there are many resources available for both those who struggle with it personally and those who are affected, such as family and friends. Mental disorders make a person turn emotionally inward and become isolated although what they really need is a source to provide energy and emotional support, or in other words, provide energy and hope that life really is worth living. “To supply this demand”, it is “essential in these contexts to build social networks and the provision of social support”(Batistela Vicente, Jéssica).

Mental health issues are best handled by having some sort of structure in place. This structure can be found in multiple places: non-profit support groups for mental illness such as Conflict Prevention and Resolution--Brazil (CPR), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), or Omotenashi--Family Experiences Learning Program (FELP), organized religion, or extended family and friends. More often than not, a combination of a few is the most successful in creating a constant safety net. Having these resources when “facing difficulties such as time investment; economic dependency, deprivation of the needs of other family members, lack of social activities and reduction of relations with the outside world,” give much-needed stability and prevent feelings of isolation.

Some form of organization especially helps children, as they are often too young to recognize their own need for support. Research has found time and time again that a church community --unpresuming but always available-- is the optimal choice, with mental and emotional disorders, having much lower rates among young adults who were raised in homogeneous religion-based home. Religion is what saved my father’s life despite numerous trials with his anxiety throughout the years. In the study done by CPR in Brazil, one mother of a child with a mental disorder said: “I would listen, would ask for support, I have always asked assistance from God”. Having a personal relationship with a higher being provides comfort when family and friends are unavailable. As with any child, having a “scaffolding on which to hang one’s life” offers direction in the long run, whereas a child who doesn’t go to church, for example, bases their morals off their parents but does not have the benefit of a social support system. In the case of non-religious people, participating in NAMI or school groups are ideal (Batistela Vicente, Jéssica).

It is important to note that in the case of serious mental disorders, often social support is insufficient and requires the aid of medication. Modern medicine, though often abused, as I am well aware of from my time spent training as a pharmacy technician, is necessary for those who struggle seriously with mental illness. The importance of medicine and the fact that there is no shame in it is also the knowledge that I think should be more widespread—with caution. I took medicine for ADHD when I was about 10, and the results were great, but I only used it for a while in order to establish good habits. This may be the case for minor diagnoses like mine, medicine was not necessary but was helpful for my schooling. Serious mental disorders like bipolar, severe anxiety, and clinical depression, however, may require more than a short term prescription for establishing habits. One point Dr. Jamison emphasizes is that if she was given the option to go back and live a life without manic-depressive illness, she would not; granted the medicine was still available.

I have come eventually to realize that just because something appears wrong doesn’t mean I have to fix it. Mental health can be treated and cared for, but in chronic and genetic situations, though it might be subdued many people don’t realize that it cannot be cured. And this is okay. As the quote says, the mental disorder will “hamper [the individual’s and their friends and family’s] productivity” (Agustina Barimbing, Maryati). I believe this is true not only but specifically when the individual’s relations try to fix them. This puts a strain on everyone and only leads to everyone involved blaming each other and themselves.

“Oh mother, how is it for you?”

(Hull, John)

At an emotional scene from the movie “Notes on Blindness,” John Hull’s wife reflected on her husband’s wrestle with his loss of sight and with it so many other things and mused: “Shall I scratch my eyes out, shall I follow you into this world?” Those with mental disorders are not the only ones affected by it. Family and friends struggle to help their loved ones but can easily become discouraged by the task of relieving the load. Caring for a loved one with mental illness is often a“lonely battle”(Kageyama, Masako). Families are required to learn to live with the disease, facing the difficulties and adapting to the new situation in order to maintain a difficult balance within the family. It can be very isolating and caregivers sometimes sacrifice their own physical and mental well being and that of other loved ones to help the person with a mental disorder. Aid from the same support programs offer comfort and understanding by “address(ing) members’ need for knowledge about mental illness, reduc(ing) their feelings of guilt and self‐blame, decreas(ing) caregivers’ burdens, help(ing) families cope, and improv(ing) parent-child relationships” (Kageyama, Masako). With a community that understands the family members as well as the individual with the mental disorder, feelings of isolation and pressure subside, relationships are healthier.

In the book by Jane Clayson Johnson, "Silent Souls Weeping: Depression, Sharing Stories Finding Hope", Johnson interviews the husband of a woman with clinical depression who shares how his view of and reactions to his wife’s episodes evolved over the years. At first, he did not feel like family, but someone that was obligated to serve hand and foot. He got caught in a vicious cycle of blaming her for not controlling herself and blaming himself for not being able to fix it. Eventually, he realized casting blaming only dug the pit of depression deeper.

So he did what is unarguably easier said than done, and decided to stop blaming people and start “blaming the illness”. Of the experience he said:"(life with) a person with a mental illness is not doomed to be miserable", it is the responsibility and blame that we stubbornly hold on to that make us miserable. Instead of holding on to virulent bitterness and letting the illness be a barrier, he decided to love his wife. The overarching theme of "An Unquiet Mind" and "Silent Souls Weeping" is the saving grace of simply loving those struggling with some disorder: not because it miraculously relieves them of the symptoms, but because it makes life “worth living”.

The simplest, and yet two of the most beneficial treatment are both education and acceptance. Mental disorders are not a project that can be “fixed”(Clayson Johnson, Johnson) by the experiencer or their loved ones, but one can offer love and can educate themselves. Though undoubtedly necessary for some individuals on a case by case scenario, it would do the most good for both sides to familiarize themselves with the other person’s situation. This creates a kinship of sorts, humanizes others. Just like when you meet the person who will be your best friend the first time you see them, we should not make assumptions but instead, make an effort to understand. The teaching that losing oneself to find oneself is absolutely correct. Love is a treatment in itself.

Works Cited

Agustina Barimbing, Maryati, et al .“Family Atmosphere Make Family Resilience Which Have Adolescent with Mental Disorder (According to “Resilience” Theory of Haase & Peterson)”. International Journal of Nursing Education. July 2019. 1.

Arredondo, Emanuel, et al. “The Global Impact of Intellectual Disability and Other Mental Disorders in Children”. International Journal of Childbirth Education. 2019, Vol. 34 Issue 2, p14-17.

Batistela Vicente, Jéssica, et al. “Mental disorder in childhood: family structure and their social relations”. Escola Anna Nery Revista de Enfermagem. vol. 19, 2015, pp 107-114.

Burland, Joyce. “NAMI: Family to Family Education Program”. NAMI. 2001.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237

Johnson, Jane Clayson. "Silent Souls Weeping: Depression, Sharing Stories Finding Hope". Desert Book. 2018.

Kugelmass, Heather. “Mental disorder among nonreligious adolescents”. Mental Health, Religion & Culture (MENT HEALTH RELIGION CULT). 2015, vol. 18, issue 5.

Kageyama, Masako, et al. “Changes in Families' Caregiving Experiences through Involvement as Participants then Facilitators in a Family Peer-Education Program for Mental Disorders in Japan”. Family Process. 2017, vol. 56 Issue 2, p408.

Lucille Southey, Sarah. “Sarah Lucille Southey: A Memoir”. Dollison Road Books. 2016.

Middleton, Peter, et al. “Notes on Blindness”. 2016

Owen, M., Cardno, A. & O'Donovan, M. "Psychiatric genetics: back to the future". Mol Psychiatry, vol 5, 2000, pp 22–31.

#all you need is love meds therapy and yeah

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inputgarlic92 · 3 years

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The Best Method to Setup Limits In Between Each of Us and Our Social Applications

Our usual smart phone end user touches her or his cell phone twenty-six hundred instances daily, as stated by a report by a findings firm. And that is just the common user, the study found that extreme cellphone users use their devices a lot more than fifty four hundred occasions every single day. Activities like writing, lightly tapping, and sliding the smart phone’s display screen counted for a touch. Apple some time ago revealed their device end users unlock their mobile phones 85 times every day. That’s roughly six or seven times each and every hour. When there is one development from each one of these studies, it this our smart phone is an certain component of our lives right this moment and if all of us usually do not established healthier boundaries with that, the impact can be hazardous. All of our mental wellness is a factor of a range of variables. One particular variable at this time may be the bad utilization of mobile phones. Anxiousness, despression symptoms, sleep disorders, inability to concentrate, no reassurance are some results of a cellphone addiction and unhealthy social media experience. There are a variety of actions and feelings which were worth noticing in this regard: An incessant would need to tap into and then touch her or his smart phone and the programs frequently. Strong thoughts of envy generated by social media articles of other participants and often the continuous need to examine one by one. Consistent poor evaluation and competitiveness with others online lives and posts. Withdrawal symptoms the instant the smartphone is not available. Finding our cell phones maybe even if not considered necessary thanks to habit to find if they're any brand-new announcements and email. Fear of losing updates in case one has not seen all updates and posts. The frequent tracking turns into a basic need to feel hooked up. Counting the number of likes in the threads as it becomes admired to the users self esteem. In order to increase addiction, all developers need to do is bind a end user's behavior (like yanking a switch) with a variable incentive. You draw a handle and instantly collect whether an attractive incentive or nothing at all. Addictiveness is usually strengthened when the pace of compensation is more changeable. Products and ınternet sites use sporadic adjustable gains all over their goods mainly because it is beneficial for commercial enterprise. Yet in other occasions, slot machines emerge by accident. For example, there is absolutely no vicious corporation behind most of email who intentionally chose to make it a slot machine. Not a soul makes money when millions read their inbox and nothing's there. Nor did Apple and Google's designers wish phones to work like slots. This appeared by chance. However now, companies like Google and others have a responsibility to cut down these types of effects simply by changing intermittent variable gains into lesser obsessive, more constant ones considering enhanced model. For instance, they may encourage users to set constant times throughout the day or week for if they wish to examine slot machine programs, and correspondingly adjust once new announcements are sent to line up with these times. So here are some healthy practices with respect to our cellphonesThe Right Approach to Generate Limits In Between Us and Our Social Media In recent times the number of times a smart phone user uses their cell is around two and five thousand times every single day, that innovative study quite frankly brought up a giant alert all over the market sector but not just for cell phones, but also linked to our very own health and wellbeing. Actions like writing, lightly tapping, and swiping the smart phone’s screen counted for an impression. Apple last summer confirmed their device end users unlock their individual smart phones ninety times each day. That is just about six or seven instances each single hour. If there is a single breakthrough from each one of these researches, it this that our cellphone is an certain component of our activities today and if we usually do not define healthier limitations with it, the consequences could be adverse. Much of our mental wellness is one factor of several variables. One particular variable at this moment may be the bad practice of cell phones. Panic, sadness, sleep issues, failure to focus, absolutely no satisfaction are some results of a cell phone obsession and poor social media activity.

There is several habits and emotions that will be worth noticing in this regard: An incessant user would need to tap or touch her or his cellphone and all the programs frequently. Long lasting feelings of envy put together by social media content of many other people and often the endless necessity to examine all of them. Daily dangerous evaluation and competitiveness with other individuals on-line lifestyle and threads. Drawback symptoms the minute the cellphone is not close by. Reaching out for our mobile phones even if it's not appropriate as a result of custom to find if they're any fresh announcements and texts. Fear of missing notifications in case one has not viewed all improvements and articles. read here The frequent reviewing transforms into a need to seem interconnected. Checking the quantity of likes in the articles since it transforms into loved to the users personal worth. If you would like to boost addiction, all tech designers should do is bind a user's action (like pulling a switch) with a variable benefit. You pull a handle and immediately receive whether an attractive bonus or nothing. Addictiveness is usually maximized when the amount of prize is most changing. Software and ınternet sites sprinkle frequent adaptable rewards around their products simply because it is best for commercial enterprise. However in various other situations, slot machines arise by surprise. For instance, there is absolutely no vicious corporation causing most of email who consciously thought we would make it a slot machine. No company profits when millions examine their email and is empty. Neither did Google and Apple's designers desire cell phones to work like slots. The idea arose by chance. But now businesses like Apple and Google have a responsibility to diminish these issues by transforming irregular adjustable rewards into much less addicting, more constant ones considering enhanced structure. For instance, they can inspire consumers to set estimated moments each day or week for when they like to examine slot machine applications, and then adapt the moment new announcements are sent to align with these occasions. So here are some healthy and balanced habits with respect to our mobile phones and social media which will help develop overall health Don't check your phone for the very first couple of hours immediately after getting up. Searching for latest notifications and emails is not how you want to start your morning. It'll only boost your stress and anxiety. In case you are not in decent mental health or are going through a awful phase or time and observing other folks write about about their spectacular activities is taking you further down, please make sure to steer clear of social media. Place emphasis on setting up your own great genuine lifestyle and exceptional mental health and consequently thoughts of jealousy and constant bad assessment will end up being prevented. You will be able to celebrate in others happy testimonies on and off social networking. cellphones experience a radiation rate. Pay attention and use appropriately. One of the notifications on an phone can be found under configurations. It advises you to use a headphones or a speaker option during a phone call to reduce radio frequency direct exposure, to keep cautiously the phone over 5mm from the human body to make sure exposure levels remain low. Turn all phones off 60 mins before sleeping to experience greater quality sleep. In the event that you rest with the cell phone next to you, you can also place the phone on plane setting, which usually helps prevent the rays from the cellphone. Get traditional and go through an uplifting book prior to going to bed. You will sleep a lot better. Depending on your daily life and work schedules, include fixed times to examine your announcements and facebook messages, if you can, rather than frequently trying for your cellphone. For example, it may be once every couple of hours based on your daily activities and job. Do a smartphone detoxification once in a while according to your plans. Have smartphone free hours throughout the day to ensure you get used to it and won't be restless with your cellphone once isn't available. I actually truly imagine technology is excellent. Innately it is unbiased by nature. Its how we work with it that may make all the difference. Any time all of us utilize it to inspire our very own life a lot more and make it more efficient, connected and easier, we are using it favorably. We are all vulnerable to cultural acceptance. The need to belong, to be accepted or valued by our peers is probably the greatest human aspirations. But now our social affirmation can be in the palm of tech companies. Each and every one innately answers to social acceptance, however, many demographics, like students, are more susceptible to it than other people. That is why it's so crucial to acknowledge how effective manufacturers are if they make use of this vulnerability. The moment I get flagged by my pal, I picture him carrying out a cognizant decision to tag me. However I don't identify how a business like Google thought about his doing that initially. If all else fails, you may without exception take the gigantic alternative and erase some social apps from your phone. Particularly for internet sites like Instagram, you can even sign in from the web if there is an issue you really need to check without finding the need to tap open the app at a moment's warning and get lost in your News Feed. You be in charge of your tech. Don't let it influence you. If perhaps you are intrigued with how much time you're spending on your mobile phone, social content, streaming video, or making use of your products in general, occasionally it requires more than self-control to end. If you only like to enjoy 30 minutes on Whatsapp or really want to limit yourself at 1 or 2 Netflix series, set up that period. Allot precise windows in your life for the web actions you care about. The minute that window is finished, put the products down. Another strategy to develop halting hints is certainly to set an alert for if it is time to absolutely finish, and put your clock or smartphone over the room so you have to get up to turn it off. Alone a tool is designed to aid in a number of ways. All of us are not designed to end up being slaves of our smart phones nonetheless it is supposed to give us have greater days.

#smartphones #social media

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kinonoranove · 6 years

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Kino no Tabi (2017) episode 9 review

“Various Country”

I said in my ep 5 review that the adaptations of Kino no Tabi tend to excel with short stories, and this episode is no exception. Besides the heavy stories that either contain violence or philosophical meanings, Kino no Tabi also has fun traveling stories for the sake of traveling, witnessing and learning from the world, and this episode showcased some of those. Even though these stories do not share any theme with each other (and to be honest, to be able to find and string along similar theme among stories is not easy), each one offers interesting facets in Kino’s world.

The episode opened with a story about two bandits, one young and one old, who were preying on the travelers and giving out evaluations on them. This one is a good re-introducing to the 3 sets of main characters in Kino no Tabi LNs: Kino/ Hermes, Shizu/Riku/Ti, and Master/Partner. The young bandits underestimated Kino’s & Shizu’s groups, but the old one knew better thanks to traumatic experience with Master. At least the young bandit had good taste. Though I would do without that lip gloss effect on Kino’s lips, Kino is already cute and doesn’t need that, no thank you.

Next is a country where citizens can build up virtue points for their good deeds, and got deduct points for bad deeds. The story showed the good society that benefited from this system, and at the same time showed a possibility where a potential criminal could take advantage of it. Kino talked with the ex-president of the country, and he turned out to be a person who originally wanted to earn so many points just so he can kill a person and got away with it thanks to his insanely high points. Either Kino or an innocent baby could have become his victim if not thanks to Kino’s extreme caution, and the man got cold feet even after considering killing the baby. It’s a truly tense story.

Then we arrived at a Cooking Land, where people mistook Kino for a famous traveling chef and urged Kino to cook for them. Kino’s cooking “ability” was shown in some stories in the novel, and it’s awful enough to be Kino’s actual deadliest weapon that even Master avoids (LOL), but Land of Cooking is the only story when it’s the most open about it. The cooking result was really amusing, with Kino’s Fried Chicken (or KFC for short, lol, though it’s called Kinoyaki in the menu) being a dish with extremely spicy seasoning that can knock people off their chair. Kino seemed to be in a very good mood in the whole story however, as there were nobody who was that excited to try Kino’s cooking before, much to Hermes’s dread. It’s so amusing that they still made the dish the Cooking Land’s specialty for its uniqueness. Later a person who was hinted to be the real traveling chef put a spin on the dish and it’s become equally popular.

The episode continued with a short piece about Shizu’s group, which is about wishes and commentary how in the end they will not come to anything, unless you try to do something about them. I originally read this short story at a time when I was still banking on some wishes on life, and Ti’s comment was a wake-up call for me to actually act something about my wishes rather than doing nothing. The anime showcased the story in an anthology format so it doesn’t leave the time for the meaning to sink in, but it was still a good piece.

That last country where they asked to erase traveler’s good memories with their land was such a tease, and at the same time such a killjoy that violates with Kino’s traveling purpose. This showed some good Kino and Hermes’s dynamic. In alone time Kino can be playful and tease Hermes, but now had to beg Hermes to tell about memories of what happened at that country. However Hermes wanted to keep promise with that country so he refused, much to Kino’s whining. It’s really nice to see their alone interaction inside the show.

Finally, the author of the original LN, Keiichi Sigsawa left an anime afterword in the ending credit to encourage viewers to pursue their dreams, because his dream of an anime afterword has come true (LOL). In the LN Sigsawa also tends to break the fourth wall with his afterwords and he has a sense of humor as well. There were a time when his afterword sprung out in the middle of a volume, much to Kino’s dismay (LOL). So if any viewers thought this should be placed at the end of the show, the truth is putting it in the middle of the show is actually more Sigsawa’s style. All in all, a very enjoyable episode.

#Kino no Tabi #Kino's Journey #anime #review

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glorykrp · 7 years

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SHOWING RESULTS FOR: SOOIL.

✩ Nam Sooil ✩ November 2nd, 1995 ✩ Namyangju, South Korea ✩ Halcyon

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PERSONAL LIFE.

november 2nd, 1995 - 9:27 PM

after twelve grueling hours of labour, nam sooil is born. he reportedly screams so loud that patients in the hospital’s neurology ward, two floors up, issue complaints to their nurses. his mother soon falls asleep, but she and her husband spare a moment to share a smile - with that kind of voice, there’s no doubt, their son will belong onstage.

january 19th, 1998 - 8:04 PM

his mother is on a world tour, performing pieces from her most notable operatic roles and a few of his father’s best compositions, and sooil is given permission to follow along. tonight they are in sydney, australia, and he is so tired from the flight earlier that day, and it’s so close to his bedtime. as his mother’s makeup artist completes her finishing touches and she heads towards the stage, the tears come. he’s crying, his mother takes an extra thirty seconds to hug him and wipe his tears, and her manager crouches down to his height and tries to reassure him that “she’ll be back soon, i promise!” they carry him backstage and let him watch his mother perform from the wings, but he doesn’t care about that anymore - his eyes are fixated on the audience, the applause. he’s fascinated. he watches the stage for the rest of the tour, and doesn’t cry once.

april 12th, 2000 - 2:48 PM

he sits at a shiny grand piano, stacked on top of a pillow and the bench so that he could reach the keys. his father blows notes through a harmonica and he plays them, matching each one perfectly. another man (dad says he’s korea’s best music teacher but really he just seems kinda loud and scary) laughs and claps his dad on the back. he is not entirely sure why he smiles as he keeps following along.

january 30th, 2002 - 9:15 PM

he is at the piano again, but this time there are people watching and lights pointed at him that make him squint. his feet can’t touch the floor but his knee bounces; sitting still for stretches of time makes him restless, and he wishes he weren’t stuck there. but he can see his parents standing backstage, beaming and giving him a thumbs up, squeezing each other’s hands. he knows what they want so he complies - his small, six year old fingers find their places on the keys and he plays. the reviews that come out the next day are glowing - how could such a young child play chopin so easily and so skillfully? with the parents he has, it’s no wonder it comes so naturally to the boy. he becomes a name in the classical world overnight.

september 22nd, 2003 - 10:34 AM

the park near the nams’ house has a community centre with a kids’ baseball team, and sooil begs his parents to let him join. they have a hundred concerns - if he hurts his hands now, he risks losing a career that has hardly begun. but the coach comes over to talk to them. they’re just kids, they don’t hurt themselves too bad, he’s careful, and if something does happen, he’ll heal quicker now than when he’s older. finally sooil gets to do something he really wants. he runs around, rolls in the dirt, catches and throws and bats to his heart’s content. for the first time ever, he is able to run all the energy from his body.

august 26th, 2006 - 12:09 PM

he’s out with his friends getting burgers for lunch when a car drives past them, blaring some kind of noise with an upbeat rhythm that he can feel through the pavement. he stops walking, his heart pounds. in his ten years of life, he’s never heard something like it. one of his friends says “ugh my noona always plays super junior so loud i hate it” and sooil is hooked. he stays up all night listening to old shinhwa and tvxq cds borrowed from the library, and he fills an entire notebook with compositions that week. they’re messy and awful, but he knows he has to keep going.

december 15th, 2008 - 6:17 PM

it’s not like he’s given up classical. he’s still playing recitals, helping his mother rehearse, dropping by her concerts every once in a while to accompany her. but one day over dinner he announces that he’d auditioned for an entertainment company, and that they’d offered him a contract, and he can see it. his parents hate it. they think he’s wasting the gift he has on garbage. they don’t say much about it, until it’s too obvious, and everyone is sensitive and everyone is yelling and he’s tired, so so tired of it all.

march 3rd, 2010 - 7:54 AM

he thought being a piano prodigy would’ve been a bit more of an asset in the music industry, but boy did he know now. after just over a year of training, sooil has discovered every flaw and crack in his talent that exists. training to be a vocalist should be easy for the son of a celebrated opera singer, but sooil’s narrow range proves that not all of his mom’s gifts were passed on to him. he’s a hard worker, and he knows they see a debut ahead for him - his compositions are where his talent really lies, and even his not-ideal vocals are improving. it’s just a matter of determination and patience.

february 10th, 2013 - 12:41 PM

it took a while, but now he’s here. onstage, grinning from ear to ear, a mic in his hand, his sweaty palm no match for his vice-like grip. for a moment he forgot about the blood, the sweat, the tears that brought him this far; he forgot that his parents were likely not watching the broadcast at home. sooil felt that he’d climbed everest, and now he had no choice but to go further, higher, into the stars.

STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES.

+ comfortable: sooil is very comfortable onstage, in front of a camera, in front of the public. his infectious bright energy allows him to draw attention towards himself, which is a great asset on variety shows and much appreciated by shyer group members.

- anxious: since early on one of the best ways for him to contribute to the group was by composing, but when halcyon went through their decline soon after debut, it was easy to put the blame on himself. as they’ve started picking themselves back up, sooil still can’t shake the threat of easy and quick failure that lurks around every corner.

+ sponge: sooil is good at picking up skills and learning quickly. even if he can’t quite master something completely, he can usually get to a decent level of comfort with it - it’s helped him a ton in his acting career, especially right at the start.

- spread too thin: while sooil is obviously multitalented and versatile, it’s impossible that he masters everything. the expectations placed on him to write music, act, work on his voice, ignore antis, and keep his bubbly energy up means more stress and less confidence.

+ vitamin: sooil is the cute, youngest halcyon - he learned from the start how to work it. he’s good at making people smile and laugh, even if it’s at his own expense. when things start going in the wrong direction, sooil turns the mood back up.

- proud: although he learns easily, sooil is not usually ready to admit he needs help with anything. this means that a problem that could be fixed with a few pointers and practise runs takes way longer, way more convincing, and way more frustration than necessary.

2017 INTERVIEW.

being famous was great when they were the rookies everyone loved and talked about, but it got old real fast. about a year after their debut, halcyon had their highly anticipated second comeback - another full album, with four whole tracks written by sooil. the press fawned over them, the fans counted down the minutes, the album was polished with pride. they released it and the responses were… tepid. it was worse than if they had been truly bad. after a year of so much praise and popularity, sooil scrolled through chatboards and twitter threads calling his music, the music he and his group wrote and poured so much work into and bled for, “boring”, “repetitive”, “old”. as soon as he heard it, he knew the fans were right. suddenly he hated performing the songs, hated having to talk about them over and over on tv, hated having to write new ones. he hated standing onstage and seeing fewer signs with their names, fewer lightsticks in their colours, hearing less and less voices chanting along.

for the next comeback, sooil tried to write songs that were more upbeat, uptempo, exciting, a dance track like the ones he’d found and fallen in love with as a kid. nebula turned them down. they kept releasing more of the same, they kept watching fans go. by 2015, sooil could walk around town without a mask on to hide his face. after hex debuted, there was another, more exciting boy group from nebula. the fame and recognition they had worked so hard to earn was being taken out from under them.

now that he’s earned some more personal fame from acting and that halcyon’s recent releases have gotten better responses, sooil’s ego is sufficiently pampered with crowds waiting to take his photo at the airport, full schedules, sold out fansigns. but fame has a new edge to it now that he knows how easy it is to lose it, and how hard it is to earn it back.

#glr: profile #glr: black #glr: halcyon

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fuckyeahnickburkhardt · 7 years

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I wish the writers hadn't gone the Nadalind route but I see why some would choose her over Juliette bc the writers made her more sympathetic. While what she did was wrong, she was under duress. She later even says that it wasn't something she enjoyed, just what she had to do to get her daughter back. She even asked Nick&friends for their help first. She had lost her baby and no one else would help her. It's different from Juliette, who did the things she did bc of vengeance w the intent to hurt.

[cont] Juliette had a right to be hurt and angry, but the writers made her so irredeemable by having her so thoroughly betray Nick (and his mother, who did nothing to her). Adalind was kinda expected to do bad things, as she was villian for a time, but Juliette was the love interest. The one who was supposed to care about Nick. She was also friends with Rosalee yet she hurt her and tried to have Nick shoot Monroe. I just think the writers made it too easy to hate her.

This is one of those rare cases where I don’t actually think the blame falls completely on the writers for the way Juliette is viewed by a certain (very loud) section of the fandom (although I do blame them entirely for making Nadalind in any way canon even for a moment). Because if you’re not watching Grimm with misogyny goggles on, Juliette is no more hateful or horrible than any other character on the show.

I wrote a post on my personal blog a few seasons ago about the reasons Juliette is hated more avidly and consistently than other character on the show–long before anyone actually had anything like a reason. You can read that post here if you’re interested. In summary, Juliette is hated more than Adalind or Rosalee, or pretty much any recurring female side character, because she commits the apparently unforgivable sin–to a misogynistic audience–of being a female love interest with thoughts, desires, goals, and emotions which occasionally conflict with or challenge those of the male protagonist.

I would also argue that Adalind has done a lot of things before the oft-mentioned season three finale that were not done under duress. She did horrible things for power, for Sean’s attention, literally as part of her daily job, or just because she was told to. The fact that she did one of the many horrible things she’s done under duress doesn’t erase all the other awful things.

Nor does it help her case that she was still attacking one of the people she’d hurt most and taunting them with what she’d done “under duress” a few episodes before she suddenly decided she wanted to change…a growth spurt in character development which coincided suspiciously with needing help from all these people she’d hurt.

Now, consider the situation Juliette was in when she enacted her vengeance in season 4. She was under the thrall of powers that canonically influence people to do terrible things. She was suffering these powers not as someone who was born a hexenbiest, but as a regular human subject to the “side effects” of a completely experimental, untried, unpredictable set of magical circumstances.

Add to that the fact that in the span of a few days she was made to feel unwelcome and unsafe in her own home, lost her boyfriend of seven years and any concept of the future they might have had, and found herself lacking the support of any friends she thought had any hope of understanding what was happening to her. Juliette was in an extremely bad place, both mentally and emotionally, when she did the things she did. And it’s telling that she specifically attacked the things and people that symbolized what she (not incorrectly) saw as the source of all her pain: Nick’s life as a Grimm.

That doesn’t make the things she did okay, but it’s very much up for debate, on both a canonical and also a meta level, at this point whether Juliette can truly be held culpable for all the things she did–or whether the rest of Team Grimm can be truly blameless.

To be fair, Adalind had also lost a lot when she went on her vengeance spree…but recall that she was not under the influence of hexenbiest powers when she put Juliette in a coma. A coma that resulted in her losing all memories of Nick and developing a dangerous magical obsession with Sean that could have killed them both.

Juliette did the things she did because she was scared, angry, alone, grieving, and under the influence of dangerous, uncharted magic. Arguably, her emotions directed her destructive behavior’s targets but did not cause the destructive behavior itself. After all, Juliette has been all of those things before, and has never attacked the people she cares about or blamed them for her own pain. In fact, before the hexenbiest powers it was much more in-character for Juliette to put aside her own concerns in favor of what her friends might need at any point in time.

Adalind, on the other hand, did what she did because she was scared, angry, alone, grieving, and that was her pure human reaction: to lash out and hurt people, including innocent people who’d never done anything to her. Her emotions may have directed her destructive behavior’s targets, but Adalind herself caused the destructive behavior. She had no powers to be her excuse or explanation.

The reason fandom finds the one lovable and the other unacceptable is that Adalind was introduced as a villain and thus allowed to do her villain thing with audience impunity, whereas Juliette was introduced as a love interest and vilified by the audience every time she dared to do anything that wasn’t 100% sycophantically in line with whatever Nick might want or need. Add in a heaping dose of rape culture encouraging audiences to see healthy relationships as “boring” and aggressive, violent ones as “passionate,” and there you have it: the main reason many fans prefer Adalind over Juliette as Nick’s endgame love interest.

#grimm #grimm meta #juliette silverton #misogyny #rape culture #liza answers #anonymous #ask box

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socialattractionuk · 5 years

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Disabled woman slams strangers who mistake her boyfriend for her carer

(Picture: PA Real Life)

A disabled woman has slammed ‘ignorant’ strangers who mistake her able-bodied boyfriend for her carer – and even ask invasive questions about her sex life.

25-year-old Jasmine Lowdon has been with her partner Alex Hay, 24, for ten years, after the pair met at school.

During this time, Jasmine was diagnosed with illnesses including epilepsy, ME and tachycardia syndrome. She now uses a wheelchair.

Though Jasmine and Alex’s relationship is stronger than ever, the reactions of strangers really do frustrate Jasmine.

She said: ‘We constantly get people thinking Alex is my carer. Once, when we were out on a date together, a lady even asked what time he finished work.

‘People will also speak over my head, directly to him, or even see the chair as an open invitation to ask questions.

‘It’s fine if it’s children, as they are still learning, but adults can be very rude. We’ve literally been asked about our sex life on the bus before.

(Picture: PA Real Life)

‘I wish people would stop making assumptions and see us for what we are – a young couple, in love, just like anybody else.’

Jasmine, who is unable to work, met retail worker Alex when they were just 12 years old.

Immediately drawn to one another, they used to hold hands in the playground.

But before long, Jasmine’s health rapidly declined as she began to suffer mysterious seizures.

She recalled: ‘I would lose consciousness, and my head would jerk around.’

Eventually, aged 14, she was diagnosed with epilepsy.

Though initially relieved to have an answer for what was causing her symptoms, things went from bad to worse.

‘Shortly after my diagnosis, I began feeling incredibly tired, to the point where I’d struggle to get out of bed,’ she explained.

(Picture: PA Real Life)

‘At first, I thought it was just my body reacting to the epilepsy, but eventually I realised it wasn’t right.’

Consulting the doctor, Jasmine was referred for a string of tests and, aged 17, was diagnosed with ME, also known as chronic fatigue syndrome.

A chronic condition, common symptoms include debilitating pain, fatigue, sleep and memory issues and migraines.

‘It can be very difficult to get an ME diagnosis, as there is no set test for it,’ said Jasmine. ‘So, in a way, I was lucky it was diagnosed.

‘But my health was still deteriorating. Not only was I having seizures related to the epilepsy, but I also began fainting too.

‘Doctors were struggling to tell the difference, as they look outwardly similar, but I could tell them apart. With fainting, I would get really hot and feel sick, whereas with a seizure, it was like a swarm of bees were in my head, and I’d completely pass out.’

After yet more tests, aged 19, Jasmine attended Newcastle’s CRESTA Clinic for a tilt table test to determine the cause of her fainting.

During the procedure, she was strapped to a motorised table before being tilted at different angles while her body’s reactions – including her heart rate, blood pressure and any light-headedness – were monitored.

The results showed that, in addition to her other conditions, she also had PoTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).

‘It’s an abnormal increase in the heart rate that occurs after sitting up or standing,’ she explained.

‘Where someone else’s blood would be able to pump round their body, mine pools in my legs, which can leave me light-headed and cause me to faint.

‘I can’t stand for more than a couple of minutes, which is where the wheelchair comes in. Anything that raises the heart rate can be a trigger, so heat is also a problem.

‘The summer heatwave last year was a nightmare, and I can’t even shower or bathe in hot water without Alex there to help me.

‘We learnt the hard way that shock is a trigger too, after a friend jumped out on me as a joke and I fainted. He felt awful, but knows not to do it now.’

In January 2015 things came to a head and Jasmine ‘completely crashed’ – ending up bedbound for a month.

She continued: ‘The PoTs in particular was very bad. I couldn’t even sit up in bed without fainting.’

(Picture: PA Real Life)

But, having become her official boyfriend when they were 15, Alex was by Jasmine’s side throughout.

She added: ‘When I was younger, I’d really worry that he’d have enough of looking after me, or get sick of the fact I couldn’t always keep up with our friends, and leave me.

‘But he’s been there throughout, and got me through some truly awful times.’

While the young couple are stronger than ever, Jasmine does still find herself the target of hurtful comments or assumptions, and hopes that, by speaking out, she will help normalise disabled and able-bodied people being in relationships.

She explained: ‘People are constantly calling Alex a hero, or telling him it’s great he can “see past” my wheelchair.

‘I know they mean well, but I find it patronising, and it erases my experiences. We both know I’m disabled – we can’t pretend otherwise – but I’m still me.

‘Once, we even had someone offer to take him for a drink ‘to give him a break’ which I was really taken aback by. He is great at remaining calm, though. We always just talk about it afterwards and make sure each other are okay, as we don’t want to react at the time and cause a scene.’

Jasmine also gets upset when people talk about her as if she isn’t there, which often falls in with the assumption that Alex is her carer.

She said: ‘I think it all stems from society struggling to normalise relationships between able-bodied and disabled people.

(Picture: PA Real Life)

People will see Alex and think, “What’s a young lad like that doing with her?”

‘When we are out on dates, though, he will purposefully squeeze my hand or do something like that, to make it clear we are a couple.

‘Although he does help me a lot with my health issues, he is, first and foremost, my boyfriend. We’re no different to any other couple, and can still do all the same things – it’s just that we may have to adapt slightly.’

More: Dating

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Though there is no set treatment for her conditions, Jasmine is feeling hopeful.

Currently, she mainly uses a wheelchair for distances longer than a couple of metres, but is working hard to maintain a balance between ‘over and underdoing it’ to keep herself as well as possible. She also has regular physiotherapy appointments to help build up her strength.

And, whatever the future holds, she knows Alex will be by her side.

‘We live together now, and are on the same page with marriage and all of that in the future,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine life without him. We’re a real unit and have learned to laugh during tough times.

‘Going through so much together has also taught us not to worry about petty problems.’

MORE: What is a flexitarian diet?

MORE: British soaps are paving the way for disability representation

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 7 years

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Classicaloid 13 | Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 1 | Masamune-kun’s Revenge 1 | Erased 2 - 5

My streaming site says this show is a reverse harem, and I laugh at it every time I see it.

Trout…? *LOLs, but…*

Well, that’s a piece of transformative fiction I wouldn’t like to write. (In case you don’t know it by my love of magical girls, I love transformations.)

“That bum. Is he planning to eat me?” – Never has a line about a man transformed into a fish made me laugh so hard…probably because I’ve seen a work where a woman gets transformed into an eel, but I’ve never seen man to fish fiction before…

How did fish!Schu get into the washing machine? They’ll probably answer that question anyway, but I wanted to ask it before I found out the answer. Update: They didn’t, but it’s pretty safe to assume he got there the same way fish!Schu got around to other bodies of water.

Of course they’d have a sign saying “Watch out for fire”, knowing Beethes.

Off model fish. Never though I’d complain about a fish’s eyes in animation. Also, isn’t it goldfish with limited mental capacity?

Salmo trutta is at least correct.

Never have I laughed so hard at an animated fish…

Eh? I never questioned what Schu would call Sousuke, but there you go. Also, Sousuke doesn’t know English.

Aw no. I see the clincher coming. Poor Schu.

Pencil frame? In the fish episode? Okay, who had enough budget for that? (incredulous)

I didn’t know that fish gyoza existed until now. I guess I should’ve known.

Hey wait a second. Black bass. Bass are a type of guitar. I see what you did there, Classicaloid staff and Fujita-kantoku. *nods approvingly*

*looks into the “predatory” part of bass* Oops. “Know that you can feed trout to selected sizes of bass.”

Meuniere is the only one I had to check up.

Why is Liszt only scolding the Piece of Junk (Sousuke)? I know she’s done it every other episode but she really has it out for him, doesn’t she?

What the-Okay, you know you’re on to some crazy antics when you have anthropomorphic fish. *still laughs crazily*

Wait, so Liszt is a lionfish. Guess I should’ve known.

Motz is a flying fish. Less predictable, but eh.

Cho-chan is an eel, specifically one found in volcanic vents at the bottom of the sea.

Holy fish, Batman! We found Nemo…er, Kanae.

Okay, I take some of my enjoyment of this ep back, thanks to you Beethes.

Sousuke is a sea snail. LOL.

I like limpets too, but pond snail…? Never heard of it. Sorry for my inaccuracy.

Japanese mystery snail? Now that’s mysterious. Aside from that, I’d never heard of an eel that lived in ponds…LOL, so my knowledge is adapted to sea life but not ponds. Okay then, I learnt something about myself today.

Thank you for your censor head, Beethes. Thank you so very much.

That’s kinda cute. Not only are there bubbles, but there’s the anthropomorphic fish versions of the group popping up (I presume in time to the music), with Sousuke and Kanae covering for Bach/Bada/Tchaiko.

(Masamune-kun’s Revenge 1)

There’s a passing resemblance to One Wish They Never Wanted to this show, so since this anime must’ve come before it, I’m here to compare.

I’m with the girl at 0:31 (Masamune’s sister).

His mum?!

I think the pun is that “Moleo” is also read “Shigeo”, but the middle character is “hair”…so there you have it. *makes Not Bad face but is otherwise not quite convinced by this show*

Wa-wa-wait! Standard practice is that you don’t use your OP in the first ep, isn’t it? You use the ED, but not the OP, and debut the OP and ED in their proper spots in ep 2. This is blasphemy!

OP title: Wagamama means “selfish”, so I think the OP title suits the show well.

Nope, not even hot guys can get away with drooling...not to me, no.

Shuri is best girl in this show.

What is with servant girl’s eyebrows? I swear, if they had another girl in that posse of Aki’s, we’d have a Mean Girls AU on our hands!

Adagaki Aki is the only name I’ll remember once I get out of here, I bet. Only a few times reading synopses of this show, and I already remembered it. I bet I won’t even remember the “Makabe” part of Masamune’s name.

Masamune needs a sign saying “Caution: Do Not Pass By. Dramatic Stare in Progress” or something.

Okay, I need that Mean Girls AU now.

Cat donut. I want one.

Well, if a girl looks around like that so many times, y’think she wouldn’t be hiding something?!

Basically, you turned your protagonist into a male version of a mean girl to upstage a mean girl?...Nice try, but no dice. It’s kinda cliched.

Hypoglycemia? Hmm. It’s not always associated with diabetes, but I tend to associate the two. Speaking of stomachs rumbling, I once sat a test with my stomach basically playing a symphony for the last half…yeah, not gonna think about it.

Then how did Masamune get a photo with Aki?

Oh. It’s nice that he’s keeping Tanabe-kun’s secret. (still not wholly convinced)

Okay: verdict time – it looks pretty, but that Kirito face ain’t doing it for me and neither are Yoshino’s eyebrows. The jokes tend to miss and I’ve got a potential plot hole on my hands. Overall…I could probably handle one more episode of it, and that’s what I’ll take for the sake of its potential.

…*sees “Elemetal World”* Okay, add “a lot of cliches” to the list too.

(Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 1)

Hey, Blue Exorcist. Haven’t seen this since I marathoned the ending 5 episodes or so a few years back. I was wondering how they’d handle the anime-only ending, but they’ve just cut it off like nothing ever happened. It seems a situation much like Noragami, only Noragami’s anime-only ending is much better (IMHO, but YMMV).

…and yes, I’ve read enough of the manga to know this is called the “Impure King Part”, but I’m using the AnimeLab name for convenience. Also, what is up with the complicated kanji? It says “episode 1”, sure, but I didn’t know such complicated kanji existed for “Small Beginnings”. Update: Kyoto Impure King Arc. That’s a better way to explain it.

“Satoru”…haha. (At the time of typing, I was rewatching Erased. LOL)

Considering the name “Saburota” suggests he’s one of at least 3 children, that makes sense.

Celesta (from one of my stories “Next to Me”) is a Shura-type character. I should really take some cues from this Shura for Celesta going forward.

It feels weird seeing the Kyoto trio shrug off Rin’s friendliness now. Must be because I’ve been through this part of the woods once before. Plus did you see they’re on the Nozomi shinkansen? (It’s kinda like this MTR (city express MTR, Hong Kong) or a plane or something…) Someone bothered to translate the ticker to English, even.

Unwilling, LOL.

(Erased ep 2)

It was from this ep that I learnt the Japanese word for “palm (of the hand)”.

Apparently Re:Re got resurrected for Erased? Or am I wrong about this? Update: Yeah, I was wrong.

Mask Man I assme is Kamen Rider or Ultraman, but I dunno what Black is.

The type of backpack Satoru’s got is a randoseru and he had a recorder with it. There’s a manga out there called “Recorder and Randoseru”, IIRC.

Hanba-gu aren’t actually hamburgers. They’re hamburger patties, or to get technical, Hamburg patties.

Since I still haven’t been too badly damaged by a person’s death so far (but eventually I know I will), there’s an undercurrent of melancholy running through this show for me…

How does Erased get away with all these trademarks? Were they in the source material? Plus, I’ve never hear the term “chew the fat” until now. Huh.

The word “hope” is on the back wall lots and lots of times (presumably kids’ calligraphy work), if you didn’t know.

So. The kanji for “palm (of the hand)” that is there during the titlecard is read tenohira. Kinda long, but it’s an advanced kanji. I probably shouldn’t know it as it’s quite the advanced kanji, but hey, I get curious about these sorts of things…

I never understand why there’s occasionally urinal scenes in media. Is it to promote a sense of camaraderie in guys? *shrugs*

McGregor gloves are apparently the ones with all the fingers…? Not sure. Google-sensei wasn’t very definite on it.

I think Satoru goes “youkai” because he suspected his mum of being one there for a second.

The pink on the ground and the yellow of the house…it’s like a colour palette. Only, Kayo will go to danger and Satoru will go home to his house, that isn’t truly his house anymore.

By the way, I’ve liked both Sayuri songs that have been used for anime so far, even if they’re both EDS. When I heard Sayuri was doing the ED for Erased, I liked it even more. (Even still, I only use the name Erased out of convenience. I much prefer the name Boku Dake ga Inai Machi otherwise.)

(ep 3)

This Hamada…I only just finished watching Yuri!!! on Ice a few days back (as of time of typing), and now Hamada reminds me of Yurio.

Yuuki – he reminds me of my dad. My dad has a stuttering problem which makes him sound nervous on occasion. Come to think of it, I was thinking of unique ways to study at one point (I can get bored pretty easily though not to ADHD standards), and as a result made a “biology helper” (visual novel). I made the visual novel around a character who I called Satoru, based on what I learnt about the name for Erased. (Note: Satoru can mean “to perceive” or “to understand”.)

Speaking of visual novels, I think there should be a visual novel for this. An official one that stays faithful to the manga.

Not sure I’ve noticed it until now, but Yuuki has freckles…he looks like Renzou Shima (Blue Exorcist) to me for some reason…

The word for “birthmark” can also mean “bruise”.

Satou is different to Satoru, even if the names are one letter difference.

The bins said “5 – 4” in one shot and “5 の 4” in another. They mean the same thing though.

Is Satoru x Kayo technically a ship? Or not? I’d go “ick!” if Satoru still counted as being his normal age in this timeline, for ships’ sake.

(ep 4)

How can you tease a child about girlfriends when he’s barely old enough to fall in love? (Physically, that is.)

Liveman? Falcon? Okay, who decided on this background chatter?!

Okay…revelation time, before we go forward. Showa Genroku is criminally underrated by the masses, but good enough for an s2. Erased seems to have been more of a public praise while SGRS got it on the critics’ side, and while I consider myself to be more casual than critic, I side with the critics on this. (By the way, I tend to root for the underdog series and also have a critic’s sensibility for series, if you haven’t caught on to that yet. I’m a bit of a paradox in that sense.)

What happened to Satoru’s dad?

At least the “You’re pretty” went down like you’d expect kids to handle it…haha.

Welp, at least the sentence with “pole” (as in “North Pole”) did actually have the kanji for “pole” in it. If this were an English lesson though, the kid would’ve gotten an X. (Remember, O is the way to say “correct” on schoolwork in Japan.)

Uh…using my standard conversion, 5000 yen = $50. That’s a lot of sandwiches…

(ep 5)

Back to griping about CGI cars for me…

The Last Supper? Surely, the only meaning for that being there must be a symbolic one.

The manager is basically playing the role of Satoru here…awkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

Cafeteria? The kanji means that, but wouldn’t it be better to call it a “restaurant”?

ONE PUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH! Hahaha.

“Majin” can mean “demon god” with the right kanji.

The pencil frames make for a good contrast.

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