Batlantern Headcanons Because I Found My New Brainrot and I Cannot Contain Myself (Platonic or Romantic, You Decide <3)
Hal is the only one who gets away with calling Bruce nicknames. Oliver tried calling Bruce “Spooky” once. He still has nightmares.
Several long-winded missions combined with Hal’s couch-surfing escapades have resulted in Hal having his own official Wayne guest room.
Alfred has smacked Hal with a dish towel several times. Reasons include: trying to wash the dishes, using a mini vac that he brought from home, and spitting gum into the garbage without wrapping it in a tissue first.
Tim gave Hal all of their streaming passwords to piss Bruce off. Hal proceeded to make his own profiles because he fears nothing, so Bruce changed all of his profile names to “Parasite.” Since then, it’s turned into an all-out war of renaming Hal’s profile every time they’re using it.
Highlights so far have included Sugar Baby, Freeloader, Ring Pop, Green Abomination, Magical Girl, Noisemaker, The Better Side Piece, and This is Your Official Eviction Notice Hal. (Bruce still hasn’t changed the passwords.)
Hal: You need to let go of your fear, Bats. Let’s do a simple breathing exercise. Bruce: I am breathing. Hal: No, like calming breaths. Follow my lead, okay? In- no, not that fast. Maybe close your eyes first. In…and out-No. No. Are you having a panic attack? Do I need to call someone?
For one mission, a few other JL members had to go undercover as couples. Bruce and Hal were the spares and paired up out of necessity. To everyone’s surprise, however, they were the most convincing duo because they “bickered like an old married couple.”
Bruce: I’m growing soft, Clark. I’m weak now. Clark: You told Hal ‘Good job.’ What’s wrong with that? Bruce: It’s unprofessional! *in the other room* Hal: I think Batman just confessed his undying love to me.
They have each other’s coffee orders memorized and regularly prepare the other’s coffee for them out of habit when they’re together.
After a while, Hal stops playfully flirting with everyone and reserves it only for Bruce because he gives the best reactions.
At a ‘Thank You, Justice League’ party hosted by Bruce Wayne, Hal slips up and flirts with Bruce in his civvies, only for Brucie Wayne to flirt back without missing a beat.
Hal had to go cool down in the bathroom for a few minutes. He was not ready for that. (Bruce is so fucking smug too. He’s been waiting FOREVER to give Hal a taste of his own medicine.)
Hal, introducing Bruce to the Lantern Corp: This is my pet bat. Careful, he bites.
Bruce, introducing Hal to new JL members: This is my partner. He’s been in training for ten years.
During an important strategy meeting, Hal waves his hand around, and Bruce just sighs. “What now, Lantern?” “Your plan of attack has like four holes in it.” “Where?” Hal gestures to the areas and suggests different strategies, and suddenly Bruce is like Does anyone else think it’s hot in here?
He lies in bed that night contemplating every single life event that’s lead up to Hal Fucking Jordan turning him on with his impeccable battle strategy.
Barry: I think Batman’s mad at me. He didn’t even react when I told him about the great rescue mission from last week. Hal: What do you mean? He was smiling the whole time. Barry: His face didn’t move an inch. Hal: You didn’t notice the lip twitch?
Batman has blackmail material on every single Justice League member, but only Hal has blackmail material on Bruce and the guts to use it. (Hal knows Bruce gets pedicures for fun. And he gets little designs on his toes too.)
Arthur: So when did you and Green Lantern start….you know. Bruce: No, I do not. What did we start? Arthur: You know what?! I think I forgot to walk my fish. Bye!
*Barry sees Hal with a hickey while they’re drinking coffee* Barry, jokingly: Did Bruce give you that? Hal: Yes, actually. How’d you know? Barry, backing away frantically: Oh okay, cool! Okay okay. Cool. Cool cool cool. Okay. Bruce, entering: What’s with him? Hal: I don’t know. He doesn’t seem to like the mug you bought me, though.
The JL has a betting pool called “BatLantern FMK” where they bet on which will happen first: will they fuck, marry, or kill each other?
Only Clark, Diana, and J’onn know that one of them happened already
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I'm forever losing my mind about s2e4, because I don't know about you all, but I expected them to drag the conflict out and I was so relieved they didn't.
It would have been such an easy choice to make Ed and Stede have lots of misunderstandings and accidentally hurt each other further. It would've been so easy I was expecting them to do it, even though I didn't like it or think it fit very well for Ed and Stede.
But they didn't take the path of easy conflict! The writers of OFMD fucking care so much about their story and their characters and it shows. Yes, Ed and Stede are tense with each other at first. Yes, they need to talk like adults. Yes, they're both emotionally constipated so that'll be tough. But they do it!
And the reason this works so well is because it makes it so immediately obvious that Ed and Stede just click so well that it's really hard for them to be upset with each other. "Can we not do this now?" Stede asks after Ed tells Anne and Mary how he "completely boned it" near the start of the episode, to which Ed responds "can do it any time I like!" Already, even with so little talking, they both seem to take it completely as a given that they're not going to just disappear from each other's lives.
And, yes, Ed gives Stede clear boundaries. He does not want to hear an explicit love confession yet, he makes it clear that he was already all in and Stede broke that trust, but he's deeply charmed and comforted when Stede shifts to "I love everything about you" instead. My absolute favorite moment this episode is after Anne and Mary tease Ed about his beard, and Stede tells him he likes it, and Ed gives him the softest little "thank you." He doesn't even want to look at Stede in that moment, but still, even after Stede has hurt him so badly and he doesn't yet have context for that, Ed doesn't doubt for a second that Stede's compliment is genuine or worry that Stede is trying to manipulate him back into his good graces with compliments.
And once they're starting to get on the same page with each other? Fuck, they're just so in sync so quickly, immediately a team when Anne and Mary start having a go at them. They're constantly glancing at each other, making little faces at each other, checking in on the other's reaction.
I don't doubt that Ed and Stede are going to butt heads every now and again. They both have big personalities and are very emotional and they'll know exactly what'll hurt most to say when they fight. But they both know they're completely safe with each other and they'd never mean to hurt each other. They're gonna be just fine.
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Vampire Arthur: You look positively stunning my dear [pulls Merlin close] I knew the colour red suited you. [Twirls Merlin around and holds the slender body to his chest] A perfect fit.
Merlin: [leans head back onto Arthur's shoulder] How the heck did you get my measurements right? [Spins away, dress swishing as he moves back and forth, following in Arthur's lead]
Vampire Arthur: My hands just know how your body feels [smirk]
Merlin: [rolls eyes] Must you make it sound like we've fucked, when we never have? [He gasps as he is dipped, lips almost touching Arthur's]
Vampire Arthur: [eyes-half lidded, he traces Merlin's bottom lip with his fingertips] Then tell me darling, why don't we?
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