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zepskies · 1 year

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Never Say Goodbye - Part 8

Pairing: Dean x Female Reader

Summary: The first time you and Dean sensed each other’s thoughts and feelings, you were just kids. It would take years to realize that you both were bonded for life, and even longer to finally meet. [Soulmate AU] (Rated M for eventual scenes – 18+)

Word Count: 5,000 Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort and feels, alcoholism lol

Part 8: Long Distance

Sam stayed back at Bobby’s while Dean accompanied you back home, now that it was no longer a crime scene. When your dad finally got off of work, he greeted you in the living room with relief in his eyes and a warm hug.

That warmth diminished when he noticed Dean standing behind you.

“Dean’s a friend of Bobby’s,” you explained. Dean introduced himself and shook Jack’s hand.

“Yeah, wanted to make sure she got here okay,” Dean added.

Jack scrutinized him as they shook hands. Maybe he suspected that you and Dean weren’t telling the whole truth, but Jack seemed to accept things.

For now.

“I think we’ve got frozen pizzas for dinner if we don’t want to order out,” you said. You went over to the kitchen to check, but without you realizing, that brought you right to the spot where you were assaulted just two days ago.

The blood had been scrubbed off the tile floor. There were still small, suspect stains in the grout, though. You looked up and saw your reflection in the microwave. It wasn’t unlike that night, when you had looked up and seen your bloody face, then looked down and seen Danny Schmitt lying dead on the floor.

You flinched when a hand came to rest on your shoulder. It was Dean, and you gave him a small grateful look. You briefly covered his hand with yours, but you took a breath and forced yourself to move past the spot, and continue toward the fridge.

Jack watched the small moment between you and Dean. Dean knew that Jack had caught it, while you remained oblivious as you puttered around in the kitchen.

The three of you made somewhat painful small talk while waiting for the pizzas to cook. When it was done, Dean helped set the table and you cut out the slices. Jack took an opportunity to grab a beer and approach you.

“So why’s Skater Boy still in my house?” Jack asked. You could only assume he meant Dean.

“Dad, please don’t be rude,” you warned.

“You seein’ him or something?”

You set down the pizza cutter and gave Jack a pointed look. “As a matter of fact, yes.”

Dean could hear you and Jack talking from the dining room. He took issue with your dad’s phrasing. It was a little more than “seeing,” but at least now he understood what you’d been talking about with your dad. The guy was a hard-ass.

So Dean would go along with however you wanted to play this. It was only fair.

The problem was, this mostly left you to keep the conversation going once the three of you sat down to eat. For forty-five minutes you did your best to fill the silences, but Jack was a man of sparing words.

“So yeah, I should be able to finish my thesis in time. I’m looking to have a job lined up after I graduate next semester, but the only thing I’ve really been seeing is teaching positions,” you explained.

“Teaching’s acceptable,” your dad said, after finishing his second beer. “And doable, for you.”

You glanced at your dad with a telling press of your lips.

Dean understood your annoyance. Doable for you?

What was that supposed to mean?

“Well, I’m not sure I want to teach,” you said. “I’m thinking of applying to the natural history museum here in Sioux Falls.”

“And do what, dust off wax mannequins?” Jack remarked.

You set down your glass of water a bit too hard. “If you’re going to say something, say it.”

Jack gave you a look of exasperation. “I’m just sayin’. You went to college without a real plan, now it’s bitin’ you in the ass. And it ain’t been cheap—”

“For you it has, because I put myself through college,” you countered.

“What I’m saying is, now you’ve limited yourself—”

Jack actually reminded Dean of his dad in a lot of ways. But he had a feeling this man didn’t know his daughter very well. Dean wasn’t normally one to meddle in things that weren’t his business, but you were stressed out enough. He didn’t like the way your shoulders were tightening. He could feel your upset through the soul bond, and your eyes were dangerously close to frustrated tears.

He touched your knee beneath the table and looked over at Jack.

“Look, maybe we could just take things down a couple notches here,” Dean suggested.

Jack turned to him with an angry frown. “Now would be a very good time for you to butt out. Dean, was it? Matter of fact, why don’t you get the hell out of my house—”

“Okay, that’s enough!” you shouted. You clenched one fist on the dining table, the other on your knee beneath the table.

Both men looked at you with mixed reactions of surprise.

You turned to your dad. “The difference between you and me is I pursued what I was interested in. You went after what you were good at.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Jack asked, after his shock wore off.

“Nothing,” you said. “But neither is what I did. I’m proud of where I am so far, what I’ve accomplished. I’m sorry if you don’t think that’s worth much, but I do. You don’t have to agree with my choices, but you can at least respect me.”

Silence fell across the table.

Secretly, Dean was proud of you, and he tapered down a smile. He knew you sensed it when you glanced at him.

“I respect you,” Jack said, pulling your attention away. “But I’m still your father.”

You shook your head. “You don’t, Dad. If you did, it wouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I’m not dating Dean. He’s my soulmate.”

Once again, shock made the air tense. Jack’s eyes were open wide, looking from you, to Dean, and back again. His brows furrowed.

So Dean, ever the tension breaker, offered you and Jack a resigned grin. He pointed to his and Jack’s beer bottles, which were empty.

“Well,” he said, “I’ll get the whiskey.”

When your father’s shock finally wore off, he had plenty of questions for Dean. About where he lived, his job, his life in general—most of which Dean couldn’t answer honestly. Jack was a police detective by trade. As such, he was a perceptive man who knew he wasn’t getting the whole story, but eventually you cut off the inquisition.

You showed Dean up to your room, where you two were able to get some privacy.

“I’m proud of you,” he said, once you both sat on the edge of your bed. “I could tell that, uh…that conversation with your dad was a long time coming.”

You nodded, but you couldn’t quite smile. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow,” he replied.

Tomorrow. You sighed, but you also tried not to let him sense your darkening emotions. Instead, you sat up straight and gave him a decisive look.

“Okay, then I’m staying with you at Bobby’s tonight,” you said. One more night together.

Dean’s lips raised into a grin. “Yes, ma’am.”

You spent that night mostly playing cards with Sam, Dean, and Bobby as they taught you how to hustle poker. You drank and ate and laughed, and at night, you and Dean continued to learn each other’s bodies.

In the morning, you hugged both Sam and Dean goodbye.

“I’m sorry,” Dean apologized again while he held you. “I’ll call you later.”

Holding back your tears, you nodded and kissed him one more time. He tucked a finger beneath your chin to keep your head up. You tried at a smile, which he appreciated.

Then Sam and Dean climbed into the Impala. You watched them leave, and Bobby laid a supportive hand on your shoulder.

The next year was torturous for you both.

Dean updated you after various hunts. Not on a regular schedule, but often enough. Sam started calling now and then with historical questions—some you could answer off the top of your head, and some you actually put in some effort into researching. Dean didn’t like it at first, but soon he started calling you for information himself.

You were smart, quick on your feet, and realistically, a convenient resource since you had access to a university library. You enjoyed it though. You were happy to be helpful to them, but you also liked the research. Often they were interesting topics in the mythologies of different cultures (if you took out the whole hashing and slashing of innocent people and monsters out of it).

But that part too was gratifying; you felt like you were helping them save lives, in whatever small way you could offer.

You also visited Bobby more often. It was your last semester of college and he helped you with your thesis, actually giving you good notes. Dean, bless him, was encouraging, but really only helped you with the movie references. Bobby actually gave you feedback on your writing and added tidbits to the historical aspects as well.

You learned that Bobby was actually really smart. Maybe that was where you got your affinity for history and language arts.

One day though, your uncle noticed that you weren’t as into it as usual. You had a half-drunk beer in your hand while the two of you working in the living room—on the final draft of your thesis.

Bobby had asked you a question about a certain line, but you hadn’t heard him.

“Hey, you awake over there?” he asked. Jolting in your seat, you looked over at him apologetically.

“Sorry, what?”

Bobby smiled wryly. “Let me guess. Dean ain’t called you?”

You shook your head. “I talked to him yesterday. They’re investigating a cursed painting in New York somewhere.”

“So what’s with the face?”

You shrugged. “Nothing.”

After you didn’t give Bobby anything to go on, he sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Okay…”

You two spent an extended moment in relative silence, where only faint music from the radio played in the background. Plus, the occasional turning of pages from Bobby’s book.

“It’s just,” you started to say. Bobby closed his book with an expectant look on his face.

“I’ve waited twenty-four years to find him,” you said. “Twenty-fucking-four. And now I still have to wait. How long will it be until I can start my life?”

“Well first of all, you’ve been living your life long before Dean,” Bobby pointed out. “You have your own thing going, and right now, so does Dean. When he finishes dealing with his past, he’ll be able to start thinkin’ about his future.”

That was fair, you considered. It made you feel a bit immature when he put it like that. Nor was it realistic of you to expect Dean to drop everything else in his life for you…

You and your uncle had gotten closer over the past few months. So you felt you could ask him something that had been on your mind for a long time.

“Feel free to ignore me, but, about Aunt Karen…was she your soulmate?” you asked.

Bobby looked over at you after sipping at a fifth of whiskey. He seemed reluctant to even say her name.

“She was,” he admitted.

You knew this would be a sensitive subject, but you took a chance. “What happened to her, Bobby?”

At first, he was quiet. You just waited to see what he would say, if he was willing to trust you. After a short while, slowly, he told you.

She’d been possessed by a demon.

Not one exactly like Sam and Dean were hunting, but close enough. However, Bobby didn’t know then what he knew now.

She’d been coming at him with a knife, and before he realized what he was doing, he was defending himself with the same knife. But she just kept coming. It took your father, Jack, to pull her off of him. And Rufus, who had been tracking the thing, broke into Bobby’s house and exorcised the demon.

Then, a black spirit drained out of Karen’s body. She had enough awareness to look down at her three stab wounds before she fell to the floor. Finally, she bled out.

She was gone before either Jack or Bobby could get her to a hospital.

Jack had reluctantly helped cover up the scene by saying she’d suffered a psychotic break and attacked her husband. Bobby’s case was self-defense.

You could relate to that, at least.

By the end of his story, you were trying in vain to stifle your tears. When you were able to speak, you asked another question.

“Then…why does Dad hate you so much if it wasn’t you fault?”

“Because I killed her. My own wife, my…” Bobby sighed, a heavy, sharp exhale. “His baby sister. I can’t blame him.”

Because he still blamed himself. In the end, it was blood all over him and the body of his soulmate in his arms.

You didn’t know how to comfort him, but you tried. Still silently crying, you rested your hands on his arm while he couldn’t quite bring the whiskey back to his lips.

When you graduated in May, you didn’t expect Sam and Dean to come. You’d told them about it, but when the ceremony came and you stood on that stage, you didn’t see the brothers in the crowd. You saw your dad, Bobby, some of your colleagues from the university, and a couple of your best friends from high school.

You forced your disappointment down and accepted your diploma with a smile. You were now finished with school, complete with your master’s degree in Greek and Roman Studies. And in two weeks, you had a job lined up at the local museum. You would be giving exhibit tours, and you already had a script you had to memorize by your first day.

Maybe it was basic, but there was a path for growth there for you. In a few years you could work yourself up to museum curator!

The point was, you felt it was a step in the right direction.

Later at home that night, your dad congratulated you while you cut up the cake he bought for you in the kitchen. He set a hand on your shoulder, subtly asking you to pause what you were doing. You turned to him with a smile.

“I’m proud of you, darlin’,” he said. “You’ve got drive, and you did what you set out to do…so much of you reminds me of your mom that way.”

Tears welled up in your eyes. Thinking about your conversation with Bobby a few weeks ago, you looked at your dad a bit differently. You had compassion for him. Like Bobby, Jack had lost his person. He was just a man who couldn’t let go.

“I get why you have a hard time remembering Mom,” you said. “Now that I have Dean, I can’t imagine how I would feel if I lost him.”

But it was still a monumental fear. Every day that you didn’t hear from Dean between hunts could be nerve-wracking when you thought about what he was doing. Especially when you didn’t know how much he left out for your sake.

So when Jack nodded, you looked up and saw rare emotion in his eyes.

“How’s Dean?” he asked.

“He’s on a job in South Carolina,” you lied, and felt a twinge of guilt doing it. “Severe rat infestation.”

“Okay. And he couldn’t take a couple days off the rats to be here today?”

Your lips pursed at the question—mainly because it was the same one you had. You just didn’t want your dad to know that.

“He’s working hard,” was all that you could think to reply. You knew it totally didn’t convince your dad, but you handed him a slice of cake to shut him up about it.

Later in your room, you laid out your cap and gown on your bed. You debated keeping them in your closet, or just donating them. It wasn’t like you were ever going to wear this again.

Hey, beautiful.

You gasped when Dean’s thoughts startled you. You whipped around and there he was in your doorway, dressed in his usual jeans, shirt, and leather jacket combo. He smiled and held a bouquet of flowers for you.

“Congratulations, Professor,” he said.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you went to him. You actually almost bowled him over by jumping into his arms.

“Whoa!” he said with a laugh. He gripped your thighs tight around his hips but lost a few steps, crashing against the wall and disturbing some of your frames. You both laughed and kissed deeply.

After a while, you slid back down to your feet and he stroked your cheek in affection. He offered you the flowers again, and you accepted them with a pink blush. They weren’t just basic roses. Most of them you couldn’t name, but there were daisies and large orange flowers, thin springs of small white and green ones, white and red flowers that greeted you with soft blooming petals.

“Thank you, these are beautiful,” you said.

His smile fell. “Sorry I’m late.”

Your excitement dimmed, but you shook your head. “It’s okay.”

Dean noticed your cap and gown on the bed and gestured to them.

“Mind modeling that little number for me?” he teased.

Your mouth twitched. “What, really?”

“Yeah, why not? I wanna see the full package of the college grad.”

With another little blush, you obliged him. After setting down the flowers on your dresser, you slipped on your large, silky graduation gown first, then the cap. You adjusted the tassel so it wasn’t directly in your face. Then you grinned and struck a pose for him in the shapeless gown.

“Real sexy, huh?”

Dean smirked. “Absolutely. College girls are always sexy.”

You laughed and dropped the pose. Both of you sat down on the bed while you took off the cap. Dean fixed your frizzy hair as a result.

“Well, officially I’m not a college girl anymore,” you pointed out. “I’m starting at the museum soon, I think I told you.”

Dean nodded. “That’s okay. Hot nerds are even better.”

You giggled and took his larger hand in yours. “Where’s Sam?”

“Chillin’ at Bobby’s.”

“Ah…you saw my dad?”

“Downstairs. Wasn’t exactly happy to see me,” Dean said. “I, uh…I am sorry I couldn’t make it to the big ceremony.”

You shook your head with a smile. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

Soon, you fell into the pull of him as he guided you into a kiss. You held his face in your hands, and he tugged you into his lap.

“Up for a sleepover?” you asked between heated kisses. Though it was difficult to think at the moment, Dean hesitated.

“What about your dad?” He groaned when your nails dragged down the back of his neck. You gave a nipping kiss between his neck and shoulder.

“You can be quiet, can’t you?” you said against his skin. Normally you wouldn’t dream of doing this when your dad was in the house, but it had been months since you’d seen Dean. Months.

One of your hands moved down between your bodies to palm at the growing bulge in his jeans.

“Well,” he said with a grunt, “I’m always up for a challenge.”

He left you on the bed, just long enough to get up and lock the bedroom door, before he all but tacked you back onto the bed and made you squeal.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Jack heard your bedroom door click. He sighed, trying his damnedest not to think about what might be going on upstairs.

He could storm up there and break down the door (like he was itching to do). You might be an adult, but this was still his house…

But he also didn’t want to disturb the newfound peace he’d found with you today.

Time for a drink, he decided. He grabbed his keys and headed out to the nearest bar.

Jack loved his town. He’d lived here most of his life, met his wife here, started a family and a career and all the rest here. But there was only one good bar, and that meant he was liable to run into his brother-in-law, AKA the town drunk.

Jack spotted Bobby down at the end of the bar with a young man, dark-haired and likely in his early 20s. Jack knew that your Dean was staying at Bobby’s house. Jack also knew that your Dean had a brother, Sam. This dark-haired beanpole was most likely him.

Jack didn’t know much about Dean, or his family, but he wanted to. He wanted to know more about the man in his daughter’s life.

So instead of heeding his instinct to sit at the bar alone, he made his way all the way down and greeted Sam and Bobby civilly.

“Your Dean’s brother?” Jack asked. Sam’s handshake was firm as he nodded. Jack detected the strength behind that loose-fitting flannel.

Hmm, not so much a beanpole, Jack thought.

“Yes, sir. I’m Sam,” he replied.

Jack nodded at their whiskey glasses. “Let me buy another round.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Bobby said.

“It’s all right,” Jack said. “I’ve got it.”

Bobby wasn’t sure what Jack was aiming at. They hadn’t spoken directly in a few years. But he could assume it had something to do with Dean dating the man’s daughter.

Jack turned to Sam and asked mild, probing questions. He learned that Sam had gone to college: pre-law at Stanford. He had been all set to go to law school and become a successful lawyer. Sam sounded like the kind of guy Jack would’ve preferred you end up with.

“But instead, you became a traveling exterminator,” Jack said. “What happened there?”

Dean had evaded this question before, but Sam told him something different.

“Well, uh, to be honest…something happened that kind of derailed things,” Sam said.

“Which was?” Jack asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

Sam met his gaze steadily, but Jack saw something deep there, held behind polite bar conversation.

“My girlfriend died,” he confessed.

Jack set down his bourbon on the counter. A tendril of guilt licked down his spine for pressing. “I’m sorry.”

Sam nodded. “After that, I spun out for a while…but Dean, he didn’t let me crash. He got me back working with him on the job. Something…constructive. It kept me going.”

Jack considered that with his glass back up to his lips.

“After my wife died, I had my work and my daughter,” he said. “That’s it. That’s my life. It’s honest.”

Sam inclined his head. The conversation continued from there, on and off while they drank. Bobby interjected every now and then, but he kept nursing his second whiskey.

Eventually though, Sam bowed out with one last shake of Jack’s hand and a pat to Bobby’s back. It left the two older men to finish their drinks.

“They’re hunters, aren’t they? Like your friend Rufus,” Jack said.

Bobby glanced at him. Then he sighed.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “But they know what they’re doing.”

Jack shook his head. Goddamn hunters.

But the more he considered his brother-in-law, your conversation with him earlier resonated in his mind.

“I get why you have a hard time remembering Mom,” you had said. “Now that I have Dean, I can’t imagine how I would feel if I lost him.”

Jack looked over at Bobby. As much as he hated to admit it, they were living the same life, more or less. He’d just had you to keep him somewhat anchored. Approaching sane and respectable. Bobby had been alone.

“It doesn’t get easier, does it?” Jack asked.

“What doesn’t?”

“Life,” he replied. “Without her.”

Bobby paused. Once he realized what Jack was really saying, he sighed once again.

“Nope,” he agreed.

“I don’t know Dean Winchester,” Jack said. “You do. Should I be worried?”

“He’s a good kid. Got some rough angles,” Bobby conceded. “But you’ll never find a more loyal man in Creation. He’d break his own neck before he’d hurt that girl.”

Jack nodded. “Good. Saves me the trouble of breakin’ it for him.”

Bobby chuckled and finished his whiskey. Jack ordered him another.

Bobby looked over at him again. “Thanks.”

Jack nodded. They drank in companionable silence until the bar closed.

The next morning, you and Dean stood outside your house on the driveway. The Impala shone next to you in the bright day’s sun. Soon, you’d have to watch the car peel away. In a way, it was harder the second time.

Dean held your cheek and kissed you nice and slow. You knew he could sense what you were feeling right now, but you tried to hold it back from your connection as much as you could.

You let your hand drift down from his shoulder to his chest, over his heart.

I love you, you wanted to say. It was poised on your tongue, but you were afraid of being the first one to say it. Maybe it was silly, but you wondered if you had gotten attached to him more quickly than he had to you.

Meanwhile, Dean sensed your anxiety and worry, but he didn’t hear your thoughts and insecurities that you were holding back. So he just chocked it up to the fact that he was leaving. Guilt nagged at his heart.

“I’ll call you,” he promised. He always promised to call, and he always did. This time, it just didn’t make you feel that much better.

But you still faked a smile and bent to grab the bagged up containers you’d put together for Sam and Dean. It was some homemade chicken parmesan and garlic rolls, which would probably last for all of a couple of hours, knowing Dean.

“Share with your brother this time,” you reminded him. Dean smirked and took the bag from you.

“No promises.”

The next few months were spent with you and Dean each focusing on your jobs. You talked on a frequent non-schedule basis: phone calls on your lunch break, on your commute before or after work, between Dean’s hunts, on long drives across state lines.

When you didn’t have time to talk, you sent emails. Yours were often longer and more detailed than Dean’s, but that was just how he spoke. Direct and to the point, albeit with one or two dirty jokes thrown in.

Sometimes all you two had time for was a brief text here and there. Dean would wish you a good morning. He’d tease you, asking what you were wearing.

“Yoga pants and a ratty old shirt,” you’d replied once.

He’d said: “Hmm, yoga pants.”

You laughed. “You’re ridiculous. I’m literally eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s right now.”

“Ooh, what flavor?”

You’d rolled your eyes. The only thing that distracted his dirty mind was his stomach.

Sometimes you would send him a new song to listen to (which he would complain about, if it was anything past 1989).

But then that day came.

That dreaded day when Dean didn’t answer your call. It wasn’t just that he didn’t answer right then. You had finished your last tour of the museum for a class of second graders and were walking out to your car. It wasn’t unusual for Dean to hit you back later if he was mid-hunt.

So you waited until the evening without a response. A warning bell trilled in your mind, but you tried not to get worried just yet. You decided to text him.

Hey, just checking in.

You went to bed that night still waiting for his reply.

Then the morning came, and you went a little crazy. You called him twice, then Sam.

When Sam didn’t pick up, that little bell in your mind was a screaming fire alarm. It was a Friday though. You still had to go to work.

So you got ready for your day as usual, though even your manager Jerry noticed that you were distracted. You had been working at the museum for around six months now, and you had proven yourself to be a dedicated worker and enthusiastic about your work. So Jerry knew when you were having an off day.

“You all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” you said. “It’s nothing.”

“Okay, well, you’ve got another tour in five minutes,” he reminded you, before he tsked and rushed over to a group of teenagers who were messing with the neanderthal exhibit.

You sighed. The moment you thought about checking your phone again, it rang in your pocket.

Quickly you checked who it was, your eyes widening. You answered, “Sam? Is everything okay? I’ve been calling—”

“Listen,” Sam said. “I…I need to tell you something.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach when you heard his tone. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t good.

“What happened?” you asked.

“We found our dad,” he said. “And the demon.”

You gasped and moved to a corner of the museum for some privacy. “You did? That’s…that’s great! But what—”

“We got into an accident,” said Sam. “My dad and I are okay, but Dean, he’s…”

Your breath stilled in your lungs, even as your heart started to pound.

“Where are you?” You started toward the back offices to grab your purse and fished for your car keys. While Sam told you the hospital and the city, your heels clacked on the shiny tile as you booked it to your car.

“Hey, where are you going?” Jerry asked.

You put Sam on hold for a moment and said, without hesitation (and tears in your eyes):

“I’m sorry, I have a family emergency. My boyfriend just got hit by a truck.”

AN: Aaand another cliffhanger. But I'm sure you know where this is going next...

2.01 "In My Time of Dying," in which the reader finally meets John Winchester, but she could end up losing Dean for good this time.

(Also, there are just a few more chapters after this. I promise I won't go through the entire show lol.)

To keep reading: PART 9

Series Masterlist

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

@curlycarley @buckywenal24 @jamerlynn @iprobablyshipit91 @globetrotter28 @deamus-liv @irgendwas122 @deans-spinster-witch @dogbarkbark4445 @my-proof-is-you @vera0124 @deans-baby-momma @lacilou @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @happygoodvibe @theonlymaninthesky @spnexploration @itzabbyxx @cevans-winchester @imagineteller1ller1 @icequeen1371 @mininjageek @tiredqueen73 @bitchwitch1981 @abbigaleelizabeth @ohgodthebogisback @where-the-river-bends @loveprof6 @thespnlover

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liketaylorswift · 11 months

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find the other albums here (x)

#i have reasons for all of these so there are no wrong answers!#ashley’s polls #album theses #lover #taylor swift poll

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call-sign-shark · 9 months

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Hey Bunny part. 2 || Teaser

A/N: Hey my lovely moots! Quick message to tell you that I'll be replying to each of your nice comments during this week end 'cause I've had quite a rough week. But I finished my thesis and sent it, so that's a win. In the meantime, here's a little teaser for the second part of Hey Bunny that's going to be posted on Tuesday!

Requests/Asks open for Yandere!Arthur. Prompt Ideas.

PART 1 || MASTERLIST

“Fuck me.” Arthur grunted when he noticed the damaged door handle, undeniable proof that you had done everything in your power to escape. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat… You had tried to escape. In a matter of seconds, Arthur’s heart rate had increased, and his mouth had gone dry at the escalating anger he was experiencing. Why? Why would you want to escape him? His first flicker of irritation manifested itself with the way his body tensed and the long inhale he took.

“I—I want to leave.” You said as firmly as you could, standing up in front of the bed.

“Leave?” His forehead creased under his frowning brows, “Nah, you ain’t leaving.” He straight off replied. All the softness and the honey with which he usually talked to you had disappeared, handing over a corrosive hostility. You batted your eyelashes in surprise, not recognizing him anymore.

Tagging some of Arthur’s bunnies who might be interested: @helen06dreamer @zablife @brummiereader @peakyltd @peakyswritings @dearshelby @raincoffeeandfandoms @beardedfacetimetravel

#peaky blinders #Arthur shelby #Peaky blinders imagine #Arthur shelby x reader #Peaky blinders x reader #arthur shelby x y/n #arthur shelby x ofc #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders fanfic #Tommy shelby #dark fanfiction #yandere x reader #dark!arthur shelby

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chenfordspiral · 1 year

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A Chenford Thesis on 5x12

Hello hello, I’m back with another Chenford ‘thesis’, or whatever we wanna call these things! This time, 5x12 will be taken apart as I try to analyze every little detail that I’ve noticed during my approximately 936481 rewatches.

Be warned. I thought my essay for 5x08 was long. But this one has taken the cake. And I seriously have no idea when or how the f*** that happened. Anyway, if you’re interested and willing to sacrifice some of your time, enjoy the next... no. I better don't say how long this actually is...

Let’s start this whole thing with the episode's cold open.

I love how Tim has always been the one to open doors and let Lucy walk in, or out, first. As early as 1x03, he’s been the one to hold the doors open. And did you catch Lucy’s excited look after she says “I love your music” to Kelly Clarkson? She’s looking toward Tim, wanting to share her excitement with him. Because he’s the one she wants to enjoy and share everything with.

I don’t know why these two little details make me so giddy and wanna squeal with joy, but they do.

I’m just so completely gone for them at this point.

I’m barely ten sentences in, and I’m already struggling to keep writing because I can’t stop my little happy dance.

This is gonna be great.

We jump to the next (?) morning, and see Tamara doing yoga in her and Lucy’s apartment. I’m so glad she’s finally back. I’ve been wondering where in the world she’s been since we last saw her in 5x03.

Lucy comes out of her bedroom, surprising Tamara a bit: “You’re here,” to which Lucy responds sarcastically “I live here.” But then Tamara lets her, and all of us, know why she’s surprised. “I went to bed at one and you still weren’t home.” “Oh, I came home around then. I must have just missed you. Trivia went late.” “And how was trivia?”

Yeah, we can all tell by the way she asks that she knows that Lucy’s lying to her. We don’t know what happened the night before, but Tamara definitely knows that trivia is not where Lucy was. This is shaping up to become an interesting conversation between these two honorary sisters.

Lucy has a whole cover story already planned, like she did the episode before when Nolan asked her and Tim what they did the night before (not that he was asking them about their plans together, he was just making conversation). “Amazing. I came up with this obscure fact about Josephine Baker so I’m feeling pretty good about myself.” This actually sounds believable, right? If it weren’t for the way Tamara asked before, I’d totally buy that story. But Tamara knows better than me.

“You are such a smooth liar. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All that undercover training.”

Oh, Lucy. You’re being called out here. Tamara knows you well enough to spot your lies at this point. But, as always, Lucy denies. “I’m not lying.” But her little sister ain’t letting her off the hook here. She needs confirmation. And she needs Lucy to know that she knows. Whatever that may be.

“I saw Tim drop you off.” Busted. No point in hiding it anymore, Lucy.

And can I just briefly say how happy it makes me that Tamara is the first person to officially know they’re dating? Yes, I suspect that Genny knows, too. But we never saw that. Tamara is the first person whose reaction we’ve seen on screen. These two have started out as a rookie and her ‘puppy’ and are now roomies/besties/sisters – simply put: family. It’s so wonderful to see how far they’ve come.

Lucy realizes that there’s no way she can deny anything here anymore. Which means that something must have happened that made it perfectly clear to Tamara that it wasn’t just a friendly get together between two friends, but that they’re actually together together now. No, I’m totally not imagining them making out like teenagers in his truck. Nope. Not at all.

Lucy lets her bag fall to the floor unceremoniously, almost literally dropping the weight that’s been on her shoulders because she’s been keeping her relationship with Tim a secret. Finally, there’s at least one person she can share this with. “Urgh. Thank god! I am so over coming up with cover stories.” Yeah, I’d be, too.

She quickly moves around the couch to sit down on it in front of Tamara as she says it. And that girl needs details. “Ok, why the big secret? You’re both single.” Well, technically they’re not. Not anymore, at least. Lucy was single for all of three minutes before Tim asked her out. But Tamara’s asking what we’re all wondering. Why are you still hiding this? Yes, we have the job issue, but that could be taken care of so you could be together officially. What’s holding you back?

“I mean, we’re just keeping it under wraps until we figure things out.” Okay. That makes sense. Neither one of them is ready to face those professional changes yet, are they? Because it’s such a big part of who they are. Working together is how they met. How they got to know each other. It’s where they fell in love with each other. It’s hard having to let that go.

But they will have to, eventually. Nope, I don’t think I’m liking this any more than they are. Because it’s how we fell in love with these two, as well. Side by side, riding together in the shop. Okay, they haven’t done that regularly for quite some time, but still.

And Tamara catches on remarkably quickly. So she lets it be and switches topics. Ish. “Well, if you ever need me to, uh, clear out for the night, you know, play my music real loud, just let me know.” Ooh, did she really just go there? Wow. These two must be as close as we all think they are for her to be comfortable enough to talk about this kind of thing.

Lucy’s trying to hide her laugh by pressing her lips together because she did not expect that from her little sis. “We’re not sleeping together.” Now that’s got Tamara intrigued. And confused. Look at her reaction. She can’t think of any reason why these two would not have slept together at this point. She clearly was not expecting that. “Why not?”

Lucy takes a moment before she answers. “We’re… taking it slow. We wanna do this right.” There we have it. She wants to make sure she doesn’t screw anything up. Not that sleeping together would do that. But she wants to just be with him before going any further. And again, I admire her for that. And she says we. Because she knows that they’re in this together. And that Tim respects her choices and wishes.

“So, you’re not sure how you feel?” Again, Tamara can’t really come up with any reason as to why they haven’t done it yet other than this. Because that would explain why they’re holding off on that. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been together, but she knows that it’s weird for Lucy not to have slept with him yet. And they’re both adults, right?

“No, I know exactly how I feel. I mean, this is the most amazing relationship I’ve been in since… ever.” Wow. It’s only been a few weeks, they haven’t even taken each other’s clothes of, and yet, she knows this is the most amazing relationship she’s ever had. Yup, girl is in love. And I couldn’t be happier with that knowledge. Because it’s so amazing to hear her say that out loud. But it’s just making Tamara wonder even more.

“Okay, and you’re waiting why, again?” Yeah Lucy, why are you waiting? Well, we kind of know why. She and Tim still haven’t talked about the obvious elephant in the room: he’s her boss. They can’t actually be together because the LAPD doesn’t allow it. But she considers Tamara’s point of view. ‘You know you love each other, you’re happy, why are you waiting?’

Which is what gives us one of the most unexpected little Chenford moments in TR history. Okay, that sounded dramatic, and it wasn’t even unexpected anymore when the episode actually aired, because we’d seen the sneak peek, but still – unexpected that it happened at all. Tim and Lucy greet each other in the parking lot before their shift, moving to walk side by side and falling into step. Both of them reach for the other. Tim ‘I hate public displays of affection’ Bradford can’t keep his hand to himself and taps her thigh while she brushes his hand with hers.

I can’t believe this moment actually happened. These two don’t care that they’re surrounded by a dozen cops who could’ve spotted their little flirty gestures. Also, they saw each other, what, a few hours before and yet, can’t keep their hands to themselves? Gosh, I love them. They’re so in love.

I love that Tim is willing to display his affection. We barely saw any of that with his previous girlfriends, and definitely not in public. Him and Blondie Bitchface barely treated each other as if they were dating. It all just felt forced. But with Lucy, it’s natural. Because he adores her and wants to be close to her at all times. And look at that damn smile. Oh, our boy is so. Freaking. Happy.

Lucy takes a moment to recollect herself before she lets Tim know: “Uhm, tonight is the night.” We all know this was coming thanks to the promo and sneak peek, but Tim definitely did not. He turns to look at her and furrows his brows. Something tells me that they must’ve had a moment or two where they were close to crossing that final line, but Lucy said not yet; not tonight. So he’s pleasantly surprised with where this conversation is going. “Really?”

And look at the way Lucy’s smiling at him before he asks. Yeah, she’s definitely enjoying being able to catch him off guard like this. “Yes, really,” she says in a tone of voice that has me going weak. And leaves no room for questioning. How is Tim supposed to say no to that? Look at that excited smile once he realizes that she means what he thinks she meant. And then he doesn’t miss a beat. Because he’s been ready for that for a while.

“My place or yours? Jealous dog, or nosy roommate?” And, omg. I’m only now fully realizing the heavy side eye she gives him while he’s talking. Yup. She’s ready, too. But as the words register, she stops walking and lets him know that “Tamara knows.” Whoops. Tim ain’t looking too happy about it. “What? You told her?!” “No, she has eyes. I didn’t have to.”

Uhm, Lucy. Yes, that is true. But what about the all the other people in your lives? Do they not have eyes, too? Do you really think you’ve been keeping this from everybody? I am certain that some of the people they’re closest to have figured it out. Or suspect there’s something going on. Both Grey and Aaron have definitely seen the change. Aaron maybe even more so than anyone else because he’s been riding with both of them. He’s also the only person, aside from Tim, who knew that she wanted to break up with Assford.

Lucy keeps talking. Yes, Tamara knows, “But, she is staying at her friends tonight, so.” Soooo, he can come over and they can do stuff. Somebody please tell these two to stop looking at each other all hot and bothered in front of the station. At this rate, everyone will know without either one of them needing to say a word.

“Hey.” Oh, thank god. Or in this case, Grey. Watch how fast they snap out of their little bubble, put a foot of distance between them and turn toward Grey. They can try all they want, but he definitely saw them looking at each other. Oooh, if he didn’t suspect before, which he totally did, he definitely does now. “Coincidence, I was just gonna call you. Lopez needs Aaron’s help on a surveillance. So I was thinking, why don’t you two ride together today?”

They share a quick look before answering. “Great.” “Yeah, whatever you need, sir.”

Aaaand, more reason for Grey to suspect something’s happening between them. Remember how uncomfortable they were at the idea of having to ride together again in 5x08? And now they share one quick look and agree with no hesitation? Yeah, they’re really making this easy for him.

Also, I’m convinced that Grey takes the opportunity here to hopefully make them realize that they need to talk about the work thing and eventually officially let him know. He’s let them be since he noticed the change in their relationship, but he’s still a professional. He can’t in good conscience let them work together like this for too much longer. He’s subtly trying to give them a nudge in the right direction.

Grey walks off, leaving Tim and Lucy standing in the parking lot.

“Mmmh, this is gonna be awkward.” I have to agree with Lucy here. Before, they were going into work thinking they’d just see each other at the end of shift. They could spend the entire day thinking about what’s gonna happen later that night, but it’d be fine because they’re not together all the time. Now, they have to spend the rest of the day in close proximity knowing what they wanna do later. That does sound a little awkward.

They start walking toward the entrance, immediately gravitating toward each other again. They literally can’t stay apart from each other, it’s like they’re attached at the hip. And I just love how comfortable they are with that.

Anyway. Tim disagrees with her. “Doesn’t have to be. We’ve ridden together hundreds of times.” “Never as a couple.” COUPLE! It is now in fact canon that one of them has referred to them as a couple. And Lucy’s the one saying it first! Nope, I’m not freaking out.

But she has a point. This is different.

“On the streets we won’t be.” Haha, Timothy. You keep telling yourself that you can completely separate professional and personal here. If you could, you two wouldn’t even be dating in the first place. “So, are you telling me that you’re not gonna be thinking about tonight?” (Does she say so or sir? I still don’t know.) And oh, now she’s the one holding the door open for him? How I love these two. He takes a beat before, very unconvincingly, answering “Not at all. Thank you.”

Lucy looks at him as he walks inside. “Me neither,” she says as she proceeds to drop her gaze to check out his ass. Lucy, my girl. You’re very subtle. Don’t be shocked if half the station’s already suspecting you’re together. You’re already kind of acting as if everybody knows. How bad is this going to be once it’s actually official?

Moving on.

“I could tell Grey I got food poisoning.” Interesting. I love how much Lucy doesn’t want them to ride together today. But I have to wonder why. Is it more than just about what she’d planned for tonight? Or is it also a way of avoiding that talk they don’t seem to want to have yet? “Just to get out of riding with me?” Yup, Tim ain’t happy that she wants to get out of this. He likes spending time with her, no matter where it is.

“Yeah. I mean, I get the day off. We avoid all this weirdness. Wins all around.” “You’re overthinking this. We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.” Again, Timothy. If you had ever been able to do that with Lucy, you wouldn’t be dating. It’s been personal from day one. And it’s only gotten more personal since then.

“Oh, and you can just shut it off? At 7:59, I’m your girlfriend.” His WHAT?! I’ll be honest. I squealed so loud that I feared I’d woken up one of my neighbors at two in the morning (hi to all my fellow Europeans out there). I was NOT expecting Lucy Chen, the woman who calls the guys she dates WIP rather than boyfriend, referring to herself as Tim’s girlfriend after a matter of weeks of being with him.

Time and time again, she’s shown that this relationship with Tim is different to all her previous ones. And I love the progress here. She just wasn’t with the right person before. She tried to keep everyone at a distance as much as possible because she didn’t want to commit to anybody. Yes, she dated them, but that’s in part because it was fun to be with someone because at least she’d be with someone.

But none of those relationships ever had a chance of lasting. The guys always seemed more invested than her. And the one guy we know that she actually referred to as her boyfriend is the one who cheated on her with her best friend. It’s hard to fully trust and commit to someone after that. Especially when you have Vanessa and Patrick Chen as your parents.

But she’s found the one exception in Tim. So she’s perfectly happy to acknowledge their relationship for what it is. Because she trusts him. And she has faith in them to be able to make this work, no matter what.

“At 8:01, I’m – I’m your what? Your subordinate?” “Yeah.” Tim looks very unimpressed. He can’t believe she doesn’t believe that he can separate the two. But Lucy knows better. “Really? Hmm.” She then proceeds to do this cute little pose as if she were asking ‘So how do I look? Notice anything?’ And oh, yup. Something seems a little off. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, either. “What?” asks Tim as he’s kind of mirroring her stance, totally oblivious.

“My duty belt. My taser is on the wrong side. Normally you’d be all over me for something like this.” Oh, the taser, duh. Damn, I’m blind. Anyway. Lucy points it out: ‘normally.’ Because that’s what you’d kind of expect from Tim, right? On the job, he’s always been more of a hardass, especially while she was his rookie. Sure, he’s softened a bit toward her over time, but ultimately, he always made sure to let her know when she did something wrong. And not always in kind.

So Lucy has a valid point. But we also know what he’s willing to do for the people he loves. We know what he almost did for Isabel. There’s no doubt he’d do the same for Lucy.

“You did that on purpose?” “Mh-mh.” “You don’t do Tim Tests. I do Tim Tests.” “Well, that’s cause this isn’t a Tim Test. It’s a Lucy Lesson.” I cannot with these two. They really are two parts of one whole. Tim Tests, Lucy Lessons. What are they gonna put their future children through? Chenford Challenges? “And admit it. You are taking it easy on me. We’re not even on duty yet and our dynamic has changed.”

And another little “Lucy arm touch”. Girl, your love is showing. And Tim is, again, less than impressed by what she has to say. He’s really not enjoying this and wants it to be over. “Get in the car.” “It’s called a shop.” Oh, the Lucy sass. I love it. Unlike Tim in this moment. He just stares at her and motions his finger for her to just get in the car. She smirks at him while she closes the trunk.

I really should’ve seen what was coming from a mile away, but I didn’t.

When we next see them, they’re casually strolling down the sidewalk side by side, both holding to-go coffee cups in their hands. Lucy stops him with another little arm touch to get his attention. “Hey. So, you haven’t noticed?” I admit, I was expecting another ‘what?’ from Tim. But this time, he knew what she meant. “That you’re carrying your coffee in your gun hand? Of course I did. I just haven’t said anything because these Lucy Lessons are pointless.”

Oh, Tim’s still a little grumpy about the whole thing. But at least he knew to expect another lesson. “You really don’t think you’re treating me differently?” I can answer this for Tim. No, he doesn’t. But he is, actually. We all remember 2x19, when he snapped at her for carrying the police tape in her gun hand instead of her left. His reaction now is the complete opposite. Tim, why are you denying this?

“You’re not a rookie. You wanna change up your duty belt, carry your coffee in your right hand, it’s up to you. You know. This isn’t about us. I’d give Thorsen the same leeway.” Would you though, Tim? No, she’s not a rookie anymore, and neither is Aaron. But that hasn’t stopped him from chastising them when they did something wrong, which would include keeping their gun hand free. So of course it is about them, Tim’s just in denial here.

Why? Because Tim Bradford doesn’t like change. But he knows, deep down, that their work relationship has to change at some point in order for them to build a lasting personal and romantic relationship.

And Lucy doesn’t believe him when he says it, either. She hums a very disbelieving mh-mh, definitely not buying it. I actually think it’s fascinating that Tim isn’t the one to consider the work issue, at all, as it seems. I always thought that they wouldn’t get together because Tim would never date a subordinate officer and break rules that way. I expected him to be like ‘Ok, no. We can’t do this. I want to, but we can’t’.

I fully expected them to not get together until after they’d sorted out that problem. So now for Lucy to be the one to actually think about this and Tim being ignorant about it? Plot twist I did not see coming. But again, it makes sense, actually. Because Tim doesn’t like change.

They’re interrupted by a dispenser guy looking for help because another one, who we later learn is called Sergio, is threatening his business by parking his pot dispensary van basically in front of his store. I won’t go over this scene in detail, but will point out a few things.

First, Tim just snatching the coffee cup out of Lucy’s hand to put aside. He’s always had a thing for snatching things out of her hand, and I don’t know why I enjoy that so much. But I’m glad the tradition continues. Second, they fall into an easy rhythm, working together seamlessly. And I don’t even have to point out the mirrored stances, do I? Third, their expressions when Sergio climbs into the van but can’t get away because he doesn’t have his keys. Perfection. And lastly, Tim’s “I don’t have time for this” as he grabs his radio. The whole scene is hilarious, but that last part always sends me.

We jump to the station, where they’re processing Sergio. “Okay, so we are citing you out, which means we will not be talking your fingerprints or your mug shots as long as you promise to show up in court.” “Anything to get out of here.” Sergio grabs the bag after Lucy’s taken it out of the lockers and put it down in front of him. “Wait a minute. Where are my earrings?” “I put them in the bag.” “Sure you did. They’re a half carat each.” Only now is Tim looking up from his paperwork. Surely this guy isn’t insinuating that his girlfriend stole something, is he?

“I didn’t take your earrings. I know they were in there.” “Must be a nice perk of the job. Pocket whatever catches your eye.” Oh, yeah. Tim’s a little pissed now. Look at the way he’s looking at Sergio. No one is allowed to accuse Lucy, of all people, of stealing. So he chimes in. “Sir, no one stole anything.” “This is robbery. Wait a minute. You had your gun – this is armed robbery.” Woah, woops. This guy ain’t holding back.

“Ok, I’m sure your earrings will turn up and we’ll call you when we have them.” Is it just me or was Tim intentionally looking at Lucy for a few seconds while saying that as if to gauge her reaction? Like he was making sure that they’re on the same page and nothing was actually handled wrong? I don’t know, but while I was writing this, that look seemed a little calculating after staring at it for way too long. Or maybe it was just his way of saying ‘don’t worry, I got your back. You did nothing wrong’.

Guess I will never know. For now I’m a little undecided, but considering how the episode continues, it might’ve just been that reassuring ‘I got you’ look.

Sergio is still pissed and demands a receipt, but Lucy tells him they don’t issue those. ”Look, it’s all in the police report. If you want to file a complaint, you can do so at the front desk on your way out.” He’s still grumpy when he leaves. Lucy turns back toward Tim: “I didn’t take the earrings.” “I know.” Ok, so maybe that look really was just a reassurance that he got her back, and I started reading too much into it while rewatching over and over again. Woopsie. Apologies for this little mess. Anyway.

“This stuff happens sometimes.” Look at you Tim. Totally defending your girl. But Lucy doesn’t like that. “No, it doesn’t. Not to me. God, I’ve been so focused on us. Did I screw up?” She looks at him a little pleadingly: ‘Tell me I didn’t make a mistake because I was the one too focused on us.’ And Tim doesn’t like that option, either. Because that would mean that he was part of the reason she screwed up. And that would be the worst thing for him.

He doesn’t want her to fail in her job. Ever. But even less so if he thinks he was part of the problem or the catalyst for it. No, she would never blame him. And neither would any of us. But Tim is a master at blaming himself for things he’s not actually to blame for. So if Lucy did in fact screw up, he’d have to write her up. Because he’s the supervisor patrol sergeant, he takes care of these things. He’d be the reason she might get punished.

And that just won’t do.

Which is why they spend the next several minutes (hours?) looking for those earrings. But no luck. They can’t find them. Tim will literally not give up. “We’ll keep checking until we find them.” But Lucy reminds him that he needs to report it. “Wait. Okay, okay, okay, look. You need to file a memorandum with the chief. It’s protocol. I get it.” She seems perfectly content with the fact that he’ll have to do this. She’s not scared of what might happen to her. She just needs him to accept that he’ll have to report her soon.

Tim’s not giving in though. “We’re not there yet.” “Well, how long can it wait?” “I have discretion with things like this. We find the earrings, no paperwork necessary.” ”But if we don’t, you need to report me to IA.” He’s staring at her with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth, appalled at the idea of having to report her. So he thinks of one last possibility. “Maybe janitorial swept them up.” He stands up and walks off, leaving Lucy very confused and disbelieving that he would just not give up and report her.

When Lucy comes home, we see Tamara packing a bag, ready to go to her friend’s house, leaving the place for Lucy and Tim. “Sorry! I meant to be outta here by now!” But there’s no Tim. Lucy acknowledges Tamara with a deep sigh, which makes her turn back around and look at her. “Don’t worry about it. We cancelled our date.”

Can I just say how much I love the fact that these two are close enough for Lucy to just walk into Tamara’s room and make herself comfortable on her bed? They really have come so incredibly far.

We can see that Tamara is a little surprised. “What happened?” “Well, Tim and I rode together today, and it really drove home all of the problems with dating your boss.” Oh, right to the point Lucy. But she’s right. There isn’t just one problem, there are several. Tim being her boss is number one. One of them, or both, losing focus and potentially making mistakes because they’re together is number two. Tim not wanting to report her when she makes mistakes is number three. Basically ignoring the fact that there are problems is number four.

Yes, I’m looking at you, Timothy.

And Tamara knows it, too. “It did seem tricky, but I didn’t wanna say anything.” Because they’re finally together. Because she doesn’t want to disrupt their happiness. Because she knows that they have to get there on their own and figure it out themselves.

“Does that mean you guys are breaking up?” NO. Don’t even put that out there, please. These two have been through so much together, I’m sure they’ll figure it out. But I get why Tamara would immediately jump to worst case scenario. I don’t think she’s had a lot of good examples of healthy relationships in her life. Hell, even Lucy herself hasn’t exactly been a great example. Tamara saw her relationship with the WIP.

But Lucy isn’t even entertaining that idea. “No. We’ll figure out how to make it work.”

Look at her being totally content that they’ll figure it all out. Breaking up isn’t even an option for her. They’ve made it this far, no way is she giving up now. I’m glad we’re on the same page here, Lucy. Tamara is not fully convinced yet, though. “Great. How?”

Again, I don’t blame her for being sceptic. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows enough to know that something’s gotta change for them at work. But given everything she knows about Lucy and her past relationships and semi-commitment, and everything she knows about Tim and him being a creature of habit (because everybody who’s known him for longer than a second knows that), it seems almost impossible to her at the moment to see how they could make it work.

I was always very excited, if not a little scared, to see how they would handle the work issue whenever they decided to make Chenford canon. We didn’t know what to expect going into the episode, so this was kind of the point for me to really start being scared. Even though I had complete faith in Tim and Lucy to work it out together, because that ‘how’ just stuck with me, and TV shows have a tendency to make things more dramatic than they have to be. But given the relative drama-free way they made them canon, I really didn’t need to worry about this at all, did I?

Tamara opens the door sometime later, and we see Tim standing there, both hands in his pockets. Tamara turns around without saying anything to him, instead choosing to let Lucy know “Lucy, your boyfriend’s here!”

Wow. Not only did we get Lucy calling them a couple and herself Tim’s girlfriend earlier, now we have someone referring to Tim as Lucy’s boyfriend. We just keep on winning with this episode, don’t we. But I cannot get over Tim’s reaction here. That tiny smile turns into a frown so fast. I’m cackling.

I still don’t know how to fully interpret it, to be honest. Is he surprised to hear someone refer to him as Lucy’s boyfriend? Is he surprised with how easily she says it? Does he not want her to use that title? Okay, I think we can rule out that last one. But still, his expression is pure gold here. And I am choosing to believe it’s because it’s the first time he’s heard it; makes it all more real once you hear it from someone else.

“Did she tell you I figured it out on my own? I’d make a great detective.” “I have no doubt.” I love how supportive he is of her here. Not only have Lucy and Tamara come a long way, but Tim and Tamara have as well. She went from simply being Lucy’s puppy to someone he genuinely cares for and supports. They’re already such a cute little family.

Have I mentioned Tim just casually walking into the apartment without actually being invited in? No? Okay. Then I have now. Because he doesn’t need an invitation anymore, he’s always welcome in Lucy’s space now. And Tamara’s, too. He’s not an outsider looking in anymore. He finally gets to be a part of Lucy’s life the way he’s wanted for longer than he’s willing to admit.

Lucy emerges from her bedroom. “Hey. I thought we cancelled.” “Uh, we didn’t.” “Oh.” So Tim was still expecting something tonight? Or did he just wanna talk about work and how to proceed with the earring situation? Either way, he just wants to spend more time with his girlfriend. Wow, we can actually say that now. This is still wild.

Also, note how Lucy didn’t correct Tamara when she called Tim boyfriend. She always made sure everyone, including the guy she was dating, knew that they were not her boyfriend, even after they’d been together for a while. Calling herself his girlfriend, not correcting someone when they call Tim her boyfriend… Lucy, I love how much you love him.

And oh. A Chenford hug! Can you see me melting? Look at the way she slides one hand over his shoulder to the side of his neck and the other over his chest. Look at the way he bends down toward her and just totally nuzzles into her neck, taking comfort in her arms. Definitely reminds me of 4x09. No, I am not crying again.

And with Tamara right there next to them. They can finally show their affection for each other not just to each other but in front of someone else, and I love that they don’t shy away from it and are totally comfortable with it.

There’s a few moments of awkward silence as they look at Tamara and she’s looking at them. She seems to sense that they need to be alone and talk, and excuses herself to her room, leaving them be. Tim starts explaining why he’s there. “Ok, listen. I– I’ve been going over things from today. What if someone found the earrings a-and assumed they belonged to a female officer, so they left them in the women’s locker room.” Okay, so earring situation it is.

Also, first: I did not catch that look on Lucy’s face right before they switch angles after Tim says ‘today’ when I first watched the episode. She is enjoying something here. That is screaming smug and mischievous. We just don’t know why. Second: I know I mentioned how Tim is now welcome in Lucy’s space, but I just adore the way he feels comfortable enough to just walk around her apartment and sit down at the kitchen counter. Third: he’s clearly been at her place many times before this since they started dating.

And lastly: he is still trying to find a way to not have to report Lucy. Damn, he really doesn’t want to have to do this. But Lucy knows that he can’t avoid it forever.

“Yeah, I checked already. I mean, come on. Y-you have to report it now.” “I know.” Look at the way he keeps his eyes closed for that extra second before answering. He is not liking this. At all. Yes, he knows he has to do it, but he’s still hesitant. He doesn’t want to be the reason Lucy might have to face whatever consequences there are for being accused of stealing. “I mean, if it was Aaron, you would’ve reported him already.”

“I know. But it’s not Aaron. I-It’s you.” And there we have it. The confirmation that Tim will follow his heart instead of his head when it comes to the people he loves. Really, when it comes to Lucy. Because over time she’s come to be more important than anything else. He’s finally found the right person, he’s not willing to risk anything because of his job. And remember, this is the same guy who laid into Lucy for not reporting him for suicidal ideation in 2x01. She was protecting him and all he did was get mad at her. But now he is the one trying to turn a blind eye and protect her. He really has come such a long way. Oh, the things love can do to a man.

“And you can’t be subjective when it comes to me, right?” All he can do is shake his head. No, he really can’t. He wants to, but he can’t. Because Lucy is more important than following protocol, no matter how wrong it is from a professional point of view. And he knows it and doesn’t like it. We all know he would definitely report her eventually, because he has to. Lucy is his voice of reason and would never let him cover for her and her mistakes.

Lucy hums a “Mh-hmm.” She totally knew it. “And thus endeth the Lucy Lesson.” Okay. Well played, Lucy. Well played. I should’ve, but I did not see this coming. At all. And Tim didn’t, either. “The what? The earrings were never missing?” I am dying at the way he said that ‘what’. He’s so exasperated but damn. Lucy is having the time of her life. Listen to her laughs. Once more, she got him. I hope they never change, because this is just another chapter of their awesome ‘prank war’.

“Nope. I set them aside and gave them back to Sergio after work.” “That’s evil. And impressive. And evil.” “I know, but – you weren’t facing the problem.” She is, once again, absolutely right. He wasn’t facing it. He was trying his best to ignore it. But they can’t ignore it for much longer. Even less so now that they know that he really can’t stay subjective with her.

“Okay. Well, now I am. So what do we do?” We. Ever since they started dating, it’s been a we instead of an I. And I love that. Because they’re facing these problems together, not apart. They’ll find a way to work it all out together. They’ve finally made it here, there isn’t a world in which they won’t figure it out together. I love how absolutely sure they are with and of each other. And I appreciate TR for making them deal with this so maturely. There’s no unnecessary fighting or arguing.

It's the next day, and Tim and Lucy are riding together again. They’re still brainstorming what to do about the work situation. “We only have two real options.” “Break up or one of leaves Mid-Wilshire.” Again, straight to the point. They both know there’s not many possibilities here. Well, two, to be exact, as Lucy points out and Tim fills in the gaps. It’s either this, or that.

Lucy is quick to jump in. “It should be me.” Wow. Neither one of them entertained the idea of breaking up for even a fraction of a second. It was silently agreed that that was not an option. And I am losing it again. Because that speaks volumes. They danced around each other for so long, hid their true feelings from each other for months before taking the leap, but it’s only taken a few weeks of dating for them to be absolutely confident in their relationship and sure of their commitment to each other.

Lucy doesn’t even blink before offering to be the one to leave. She’s willing to change something professionally? Humongous. Because we’ve never seen Lucy so committed to anyone before. And I love that for her. And for Tim.

But Tim doesn’t like that idea. “No. No, you love it here.” “No, I do, but –“ Lucy knows that Tim’s a creature of habit who needs stability. She knows how much he loves patrol. She doesn’t want him to compromise that for her and their relationship. “There isn’t an open sergeant supervisor job anywhere else in the division. I checked. Which means you would have to take a demotion, and that’s not happening. So…”

So, she’s thought this through. She looked up available options and saw that there wasn’t anything that would be fitting for Tim (does that mean she also knows about the position Grey offers Tim later?). So she offers to be the one to transfer, even though she knows that means she’ll have to prove herself all over again.

But it’s the lesser evil for her because she can easily go to a different station as a P2, but he can’t just transfer anywhere because there’d have to be an available supervisor position for him first for her to be okay with that.

“Lucy, I –“ He doesn’t look happy at the thought of her leaving Mid-Wilshire. Because he doesn’t want the burden to fall on her. But Lucy’s quick to stop him. “No, it’ll be fine. Rookies leave their first station after making P2 all the time.” She doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect either, but she knows that that’s the only way they can be together without hiding and without him having to take a demotion.

“That’s true.” He might be agreeing with her here, but he’s still not loving the idea of her leaving. She looks over at him. “So. This is the best move, right?” She’s actively turning her attention toward him because she’s not just making this decision on her own. She wants his input because his opinion matters. This isn’t just about her, it’s about both of them, so they’re both included in the decision-making process.

“Maybe. But we don’t have to decide right now.” Oh, he still doesn’t want to face it, does he? But the look toward her after she turns her gaze back forward? Wow. That basically screams, “Oh, she would actually do this for us.” He’s not expecting to be more important than her job and be put first. Because in his previous relationships, he had to be the one to make all the sacrifices, no debate.

But Lucy’s willing to be the one to sacrifice something. She knows he doesn’t like doing things he doesn’t want to. She knows he doesn’t like change. So she doesn’t even ask him to be the one to go. As much as he’s not expecting to be put ahead of anything else, she’s not expecting him to want to change something professionally, either. But maybe he would make an exception here. Because Lucy has always been different. But we’ll see.

And again. They’re having a conversation about their relationship in front of a billion cameras. They know these shop cams are there, right? Do they not care who reviews the footage and hears their conversations? For two people who still haven’t made their relationship public, they don’t seem to be worried about that at all. (And yes, I know. This is how the show works. Where else could they have this conversation while they’re working if not in the shop or with their body cams on? But if we pretended this was real life, they’d probably have been found out a while ago.)

They hear the call from Nolan about the hostage situation with the doctor’s family. I don’t have much to say about this entire sequence except for: they’re total badasses and work together seamlessly – still. They’ve built a professional trust over the years that is hard to break. They might have started as rookie and TO, but somewhere along the way – ignoring the romantic part of it all – they’ve learned to trust each other implicitly and became partners on the job.

But who knows how long that would work while they’re dating. We already saw a glimpse of what Tim is willing to do for Lucy with the earring situation. So that change needs to happen before something significant can even happen on duty.

After their shift, they’re in the parking lot again. This time, they’re standing at the back of the shop, ready to unload. Tim’s opening the trunk when he tells Lucy “Nice work today.” She’s a little surprised at the compliment, but not nearly as much as she used to be, like in 4x03 after her failed attempt to prank Tim with the booties again. Why? Because getting a compliment or a ‘good job’ from Tim is not an everyday occurrence. But he’s gotten much better with it, especially with her.

She smiles. “You, too. It’s not a bad way to end our partnership. Saving a family.” “Yeah,” he responds as Lucy picks lint off his uniform. Married, much? They’ve been together for a matter of weeks, and they’re already acting as if it’s been years. Because… it has been years, hasn’t it? They might not have been together romantically, but they’ve always had that special connection that had them acting like a married couple even when they were dating other people. Lucy’s first two shifts as his rookie just bonded them in a way that is hard to break.

Anyway. “Although, we’re – we’re still not partners,” Tim continues. There’s a slight teasing note in his voice, and it gets him the reaction from Lucy he was likely expecting. A smile and a little loving shove to the arm. “I mean, on the job, anyway,” he adds. Uhm, Timothy. You are partners on the job. You can say whatever you want – she’s your partner. But oh, wait. You’re still not admitting you’re partners on the job, but did you just tell her you’re partners in life?

Oh, Tim. I love you. And I love your love for Lucy.

Look at the way he looks at her. I know I’ve often mentioned this before, but I adore the way he’s just openly showing her how much he adores her now that they’re together. Because now he can. He doesn’t have to hide it and suppress his feelings for her anymore. And neither does she as she looks back at him lovingly. Have we ever seen her look at someone that way before?

Well, actually. This reminds me of the way she looked at him when they finally got that dance at Nyla’s wedding. Damn. Girl’s been smitten for a while. How did it take them so long to get here, again?

“It’s gonna be so weird going to a different station, knowing I’m not gonna see you all day.” “Yeah.” Oh, this is making me feel very melancholy and sad. This really is about to be the end of an era, isn’t it? I mentioned this very early in this essay, but again: we fell in love with these two in the shop, side by side. We watched them slowly but surely fall for each other in that same shop. It’s hard to imagine that being over (even though we already got a taste of it after Lucy got back from UC school).

But this has more finality to it. Because now it really is time for a new beginning. The dating era, if you will. Or the we’re-gonna-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together era.

Maybe it’s actually a good thing they started dating before they figured out that whole work situation. Because it gave them the time to transition from partners on the job, or whatever they were after 5x01 and until 5x08, to partners in life while still having something familiar to fall back on.

Tim continues. “And there’s no guarantee that our shifts will sync up.” He’s talking from experience. We know him and Isabel worked in different divisions and had to sync up their shifts as best as possible. But Lucy doesn’t know what that’s like. “I hadn’t thought of that.” Lucy, stop breaking my heart. “Wait wait wait. So by doing the right thing we’re actually gonna see each other a lot less?” “Most likely.” “Nooo.” Again, stop breaking my heart, Lucy. That ‘no’ is seriously tugging on my heartstrings.

Because this is not what she wanted when she suggested transferring. She didn’t even think about that possibility. She just wanted to do this right, so they could finally stop hiding. After Tim’s confirmative “Yeah,” Lucy turns back toward the shop. Neither one of them is happy about the possibility of seeing each other significantly less. But as Lucy goes to grab the war bags out of the trunk, watch Tim. We can practically see the wheels turning and land on: ‘no, this isn’t happening’. Right here in this moment, he decides that this isn’t how it’s gonna be.

Lucy grabs the war bags and turns back toward Tim: “I’m gonna put in my transfer request in the morning.” Oh. She doesn’t like the prospect of not seeing Tim as much, but is still willing to transfer anyway? Wow. Because she still believes they can make it work. Because she knows it’s the right thing to do. And again: she doesn’t necessarily think Tim would want to change something. She knows him.

But we saw that Tim had a bit of a moment of revelation right before she said it. Because he knows that neither one of them would be truly happy with that. And once more, he got confirmation that Lucy is willing to transfer, even if she doesn’t love it.

So this is that last bit of reassurance he needs. She doesn’t love this, but is still willing to transfer so they can stay together. She’s choosing Tim. And that’s huge. For both of them. For Tim, because he’s finally put first in a relationship. For Lucy, because she’s ready to fully commit to this relationship in a way she never has before.

And because she is, he’s taking the burden from her by taking the bags from her.

We all see this moment for what it is: coming full circle. The guy who always made Lucy carry all the gear, even at the beginning of this episode, is now willingly taking the bags from her. And we see Lucy’s reaction to that. She’s not expecting it, hence that little move and the appreciative smile. Wow. But it’s also something more. With this little moment he’s showing her that he's willing to do something he doesn’t normally do. So, in a way, this is foreshadowing for the bigger gesture that’s coming later.

Also, Tim’s reaction to Lucy’s reaction? That just screams ‘damn it, I’m freaking whipped’. And I love it.

It’s after shift when Tim is knocking on Grey’s door. He didn’t even change into civvies yet, he’s still in uniform. “Got a minute?” “Sure,” Grey responds, motioning for Tim to come in. He closes the door behind him before he moves to take a seat at Grey’s desk. We know that whatever Tim has to say is important. He has to clear his throat before he starts talking. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” Grey tilts his head. He’s intrigued. Is this the moment?

Tim takes another breath and then just lets it out. “Lucy and I started dating a few weeks ago.” Yup, Tim’s actually coming clean here. And that’s not easy. Because he’s telling his boss that he’s been dating a subordinate for weeks. That he’s dating his former rookie. That he fell in love with his former rookie. That’s a kind of vulnerability Tim doesn’t like. Because he doesn’t know how Grey will respond and if he and Lucy have to face any consequences.

Grey takes a breath as he leans back in his chair. Ha, that little smirk. Yeah, he totally knows already. “I suspected as much.” See, he definitely saw the change in their behavior. And let’s be real. Anybody with eyes could see the change. They haven’t exactly been subtle. They could barely keep any kind of distance between them. Sure, Grey didn’t know for sure, but he knew enough.

“Sir, we wouldn’t have lied but we… needed time to figure out how we felt.” Figure out how you felt? Maybe that’s not entirely true, because I’m sure they both know how they feel about each other. But making sure they really are on the same page about where this relationship is going and how they feel about that? Yeah, that’s definitely the case. I might be wrong, but, well. Anyway.

“And since we’re having this talk, I assume it’s serious.” “It is,” Tim says without hesitation. There is no doubt in his mind anymore that he and Lucy are building something that’s real. Something that’s meant to last. Forever.

“But, for it to be appropriate, I need to move out of her chain of command.” No, Grey doesn’t seem very happy at the prospect of Tim leaving patrol. He’s a great sergeant, a great supervisor, and Grey doesn’t like losing him to a different job. But he still says “Ok.” Tim’s simple ‘it is’ is enough for Grey to accept it.

Because Grey knows that Tim, of all people, would never date a subordinate officer unless it was serious. He probably never even got close to any of his previous rookies, as far as we can tell. He seems to keep it firmly professional. But with Lucy it’s been different from day one. She had a front row seat to his heartbreak over Isabel. He let her in, couldn’t have prevented it if he’d tried.

Lucy just managed to warm herself into his heart. He never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened.

And Grey knows that. He’s seen happily married Tim. He’s seen heartbroken Tim after Isabel left. He’s seen him trying to find his way again but never quite getting it right. He’s seen Lucy experience the worst kind of trauma and still persevere. All the while witnessing that neither ever seemed as much like themselves as they are when they’re around each other. Because they’ve always brought out the best in each other. So he let them be for as long as he could fathom turning a blind eye on them and until they were ready to come to him.

And he’s not planning on reprimanding the two of them or reporting them to IA. And I love that. Sure, it was against the rules. But he knows why they hid it. Because he knows them both.

This entire scene is so powerful. We have a direct link back to when Tim asked Grey about what it would mean to transfer to the NYPD when Rachel moved. We saw how much he hated the idea of having to start over. But we also have a link back to when Grey told him he’d scored well on the sergeant’s exam and how hesitant he was to take that position at North Hollywood. Grey immediately looked over at Lucy. He knew why Tim was hesitant.

So he knows that this relationship with Lucy isn’t just casual or something short term when Tim is willing to move out of patrol. And while Grey’s not exactly happy about it, he’s still willing to offer him a different job. But he’s also making sure that Tim knows the open spot isn’t a great position.

“Unfortunately, there’s only one position open that will do that.” “I’ll take it.” Timothy! Oh, my heart. He doesn’t even let Grey tell him what that position is before he says he’ll take it, without hesitation. Right now, he couldn’t care less about what that position is. He only cares that it’s no longer in Lucy’s chain of command. “It’s not a great job.” Tim shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take it.”

Oh, my heart can‘t handle this.

For the first time in Tim’s life – that we’ve seen – he’s willing to change his career because of a relationship, for the woman he’s with. We all know Tim’s a creature of habit, and both Lucy and Grey have even called him a control freak before.

Tim doesn’t really like change. He likes stability, which is something he didn’t have growing up. There’s a reason he chose to join the military and then the LAPD. There’s structure. And protocols. And rules.

Yes, he’s putting his life on the line every day so there’s a certain kind of instability, but protecting people is something he’s good at. Something he trusts himself to be able to do. Even as a sergeant, he stayed on patrol. Because that’s where he wants to be, it’s what he likes. What gives him comfort.

For Tim to change career paths, he has to feel safe and secure in his life outside of work. And Lucy is the first person in a long time, maybe ever, that has provided him with stability and safety in every possible way, long before they even started dating.

She helped him through the Isabel stuff, didn’t leave his side in the quarantine house. She recorded audiobooks for him so he could study for the sergeant’s exam. She was there for him when he confronted his father, she showed up to the hospital even though they were still awkward with each other. She’s there when he needs her. And even when he doesn’t. She takes care of him no questions asked.

I came across a song a while ago and part of the lyrics perfectly describe Tim’s situation here: I just don’t like change / Cause it’s so hard for me to rearrange / But with you it’s not the same / Cause now I would leave home and change my name.

Because this relationship with Lucy is different. Yes, they’ve only been together for like a month and a half or so at this point, but Tim knows this is different. Because Lucy was ready to change stations and start over so they could stay together without hiding or breaking rules.

She didn’t ask or expect him to switch jobs. She didn’t say: you need to go, cause I’m staying here, I don’t care what you want – my needs are more important than yours. No. She said: you, our relationship, is more important than anything else. She’s shown him that he’s more important. She offered and was willing to be the one to change stations. She put him and their relationship ahead of everything else. What other woman has ever really put him first in their relationship?

Ashley wanted him to retire for her, Rachel moved across the country. Neither one of them even truly considered his opinion. It was ‘so this is your only option, otherwise we’re done’. Isabel lost herself to drugs because she felt she couldn’t live up to Tim’s standards. Every single relationship has manifested that ‘I don’t deserve to be loved’ feeling in his mind.

But Lucy has always been different. Because Tim is different for her (I keep repeating myself, help). For once, him and his comfort and needs are what’s important and considered in a relationship. It’s not all take take take from Lucy and give give give from Tim. It’s a partnership. A give and take. From both of them. It’s grounded in mutual trust, and respect, and friendship.

So he’s willing to do what he doesn’t like: change something.

Tim Bradford, romantic at heart. But we already knew that. But it’s just so beautiful to see again.

He needed that absolute certainty that this relationship is as serious for Lucy as it is for him. Yes, she’s given him numerous indications that it was, but when you’ve experienced so much romantic trauma, you start doubting everything, whether you want to or not.

We briefly saw that uncertainty in 5x09 in Grey’s office when Lucy still hadn’t broken up with Assford. “If you’re having second thoughts…” because some part of him still couldn’t believe that this was real. He needed that reassurance that it’s still happening, while he also made sure that she’s still on board, that he wasn’t pressuring or forcing her to do something she didn’t want to.

Lucy was quick to shut those insecurities down. “No, I – I’m not” as she looked at him with fondness. He smiled back at her, happy that she still wanted it. “Good.” I really can’t ignore those looks. They’re in Grey’s office, at work, looking at each other with so much love and affection in their eyes that I’m sure they’d forgotten where they were in that moment.

And we saw those heart eyes again at the end of that episode, when he could finally properly ask her out on a date, and they stared at each other after she said yes.

But back to 5x12.

So, Lucy being absolutely willing to change stations and refusing for him to even think about a demotion was that last bit of assurance that he might’ve needed. That, and the fact that neither one of them would be happy having to try and sync up schedules when working at different stations is what made him go to Grey, come clean, and take a lesser job without knowing what that job even was.

Tim also knows that Lucy never would’ve let him go to Grey to be the one to sacrifice professionally and accept any sergeant job available, which is why he didn’t tell her. Why he went to Grey alone and before she could put in her transfer request.

And let’s be honest. Lucy has always mattered more than his job. He took the sergeant’s exam, but didn’t transfer so he could finish training her, as already briefly mentioned. I’m almost certain that a part of him didn’t want to leave for NY because that would’ve meant leaving her, too. He made her the arresting officer on every report because she deserved the recognition, and he wanted her to succeed.

So, in a way, it’s actually very Tim for him to take a professional step back. But he’s okay with that. Because it’s Lucy. No, he won’t be on patrol anymore, probably for the first time since he started as a rookie.

But he’s content with that decision. Because it doesn’t matter. As long as he can be with Lucy, none of that matters.

And he’s not giving any more than Lucy was willing to give herself. And that’s the big difference.

We see a beautiful shot of downtown LA (Is it downtown? Someone please correct my European a** if I’m wrong.) before we see Tim and Lucy in her apartment again. He’s chilling at her kitchen counter while she’s standing on the other side.

“So I’ve been thinking. Hollywood division would be kind of ideal.” I love that Lucy is still fully committed to that transfer. She’s already made her peace with it. She’s been thinking about which station would be the best for her to not have to commute all over town every day and has actually made a decision. I love her commitment to it all.

She turns around, moving toward the fridge, because, yes. She’s totally cooking for her boyfriend. And I love that. We know they both love to cook, and there’s something so sweet in knowing that they’re now with someone who they can enjoy that with. And there’s something extra sweet and intimate about the fact that Tim isn’t helping her because she wants to cook for him. She totally told him to sit his butt down and chill, I’m sure of it.

“Well, it’s not necessary. I... talked to Grey and you’re looking at the new Court Liaison Sergeant.” Court Liaison?! Wow, Grey really wasn’t lying when he said that it’s not a great job. Man, our boy Timothy is really in love. He could’ve said no after Grey eventually told him what the job was, but he very obviously didn’t. The things they’re both willing to do for each other, urgh. They make me sick.

And Lucy is shocked. Not only did he tell Grey, although, that isn’t her concern here, but he also took a very boring sounding job without telling her. She stares at him for a few moments while she closes the fridge and then moves back toward the counter. “But that’s a desk job.” Oh. This is getting worse. Not only does Tim now have to deal with the courts and lawyers and what not. But he also has to sit at a desk for it? Yeah, that’s really not a great job for him.

“Yeah. Out of your chain of command.” He sounds so calm. He doesn’t care about the job. He just wants to be with her. Again, this is huge for Tim. He took a job without knowing what it is and even after finding out, he sticks with that decision to leave patrol. As long as it gets him out of Lucy’s chain of command so they can both stay at Mid-Wilshire, he would’ve taken any job. And he has.

Lucy keeps staring at him. She thought they’d agreed that she’d transfer, and suddenly he’s telling her he took a desk job? Yeah, she didn’t see this coming. And watch the look on her face right before she starts moving around the counter to be closer to Tim. That’s not exactly happy. Why? Because Tim hates desk work. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.” I love that she’s only concerned about his well-being and happiness and nothing else. She doesn’t even mention the fact that he told Grey about their relationship.

“That doesn’t matter. Look, you and I’ll get to see each other every day a-and you won’t have to travel to some, I don’t know, far away station where they’re gonna make you work the midnight shift because you’re a newbie.” “Tim, it’s–“ But he interrupts her. “It’s done. Okay? No sense in arguing about it.” Yeah, he’s right. Why argue when it’s already a done deal? Nothing she could say to him right would make him change his mind. But aww. Look at him looking at her. I’ve probably said it a few times already, but my heart is melting.

He is so incredibly smitten. But also thankful. Because he now knows with absolute certainty that this is real. She wouldn’t have suggested to transfer if she wasn’t fully committed to him. To them.

Lucy seems to accept it (for now). “But we’re so good at arguing.” They really are. She leans over toward him, moving her hands over his shoulders toward his neck, kissing him in a move that is so incredibly sweet and intimate. Because he just sits there and lets it happen. He murmurs a little “I know” before going in for another kiss while standing up. His right hand moves toward her thigh – because he’s a thigh man – trailing upwards to her waist while her hands slide from his shoulders down over his chest.

“But I’m hoping we’re good at certain other things, as well.” Oh. Well, I did not see this one coming. But there it is. Because our man Timothy has been ready for this for a while. Even more so since Lucy put it on the table the day before. They’re gravitating toward each other until they’re basically pressed together from head to toe as Lucy’s hands settle on his chest.

“Oh?” Uhm, yup. She’s definitely on board.

I love everything about this moment. His smile! Have we ever seen him smile like this? Then there’s the swaying, their foreheads almost touching, their noses actually touching, the overall gravitational pull toward one another, her playing with his shirt as she asks “You wanna find out right now?”

Everything about this makes my heart flutter. Because it’s so perfectly them.

And yeah, fine, ok. This episode only aired two weeks after the one with their first date. So Lucy’s “I wanna take things slow” seems to have been thrown out the window.

But again. I choose to live in a world where that date happened in late November/early December, and this is therefore about six to seven-ish weeks later. (I’m not sorry for making my own timeline. I actually think 5x10 might’ve been supposed to air in December, too but got pushed back because it was a crossover and Feds had a pretty big cliffhanger they wanted to carry over to the new year. But who knows with these shows.)

Now, is seven weeks long to wait until you sleep with someone or not? For Lucy, it seems long. For both of them, really. We know they don’t usually shy away from that. They’ve known each other for years at this point so it was never about getting to know each other first. No. It was about cherishing the early stages of this new relationship. A relationship that will be the last for both of them.

So, I’d consider it an acceptable amount of time for them to wait. We don’t know how long Lucy planned on waiting; maybe it was always just a spur of the moment kind of thing and without giving herself a timeline to keep up with, at least not past what she said in 5x10 (first & second date, first kiss). I’ve recently had the thought that she might’ve needed that reassurance about their jobs before taking that next step just as much as Tim did.

Because dating your boss is one thing, actually sleeping with him is something else entirely.

Maybe it’s a little out there, but it could’ve also played a part in her decision. She wants to do this relationship right, after all, and part of doing this right includes following the rules about dating within the same chain of command. It wasn’t just about making sure she didn’t screw it up; it was about making sure that every potential risk wouldn’t be a risk that could threaten their relationship.

She wasn’t ready for this before, for many different little reasons. And that’s perfectly fine. Healthy. Admirable, even. Because no one should ever feel obligated to do something in a relationship before they’re ready and I love her for setting some boundaries (and him for accepting it so easily). It doesn’t matter that it’s Tim, and that she wants it all with him. Or maybe it does. A whole lot, actually. Because it’s Tim. Nothing has ever been more important than them and doing it the right way.

And Lucy is definitely ready now. Because the last issue that was in their way is taken care of. They’re no longer working together, at least not within the same chain of command. They can be together now. Officially. Openly.

So she starts popping those buttons on his shirt as soon as he whispers that soft “Yeah” and before their lips even touch again. That shirt is coming off fast, dear god. And Tim came prepared. No Henley like he wore the night before when he came over. No. A button down, with snaps. Easy and fast access guaranteed. Also, the little moan from Lucy as she pushes the shirt over his shoulders? Someone send help, please.

I die a little every time I see the way he’s looking at her as she’s admiring his body while he strips. And it’s the way that Tim, who we all know likes everything pretty clean-cut and organized, just lets his shirt fall to the floor. Seriously, I don’t know why that gives me so much satisfaction, but it does. And then there’s Lucy touching him, tracing the tip of her fingers from his sides over the v-cut toward his abdomen.

Excuse me for a second while I try to recollect myself.

It’s so freaking intimate.

As soon as that shirt is gone, his hands go to cradle her face while she’s moving her left to the side of his face and her right to his back, both getting lost in another passion-fueled kiss while Lucy lets out another pleased little noise. Girl is enjoying herself alright. And they keep swaying into those kisses, too. As they break apart to get a breath of air, Lucy’s hand moves down his back to settle on his waist before they go back for an even more passionate kiss. Because holy moly, Tim ain’t holding anything back anymore.

And as they keep swaying with those kisses – really, it kinda looks like they’re dancing because they’re constantly moving, which is also what they did in that airplane bathroom – that Tim’s back is turned toward us. And we get a good look at his scars.

There is something so poetic about seeing those scars. We could already see the bullet wound from when he got shot in the Pilot on his abdomen when he took his shirt off. But now we can see the rest. Four scars on his back – one on his neck, one on either one of his shoulder blades, another on the small of his back.

Tim has endured so much emotional and physical trauma in his life. Here, we get to see the physical side of it. He’s scarred, but he lets himself love and be loved again. Because he trusts Lucy with everything. His life, his happiness, his heart.

He once said that trust has to be earned. And Lucy’s earned his trust, time and time again. Because she kept showing up. She cared. She’s shown him that people are worthy of trust. That she is worthy of his trust. And that he is worthy of hers.

And, this might be very far-fetched, but I can’t get my brain to shut up. We can see Tim’s scars, but we also see Lucy admiring him while he was taking his shirt of. Yes, she’s appreciating his body, but I also see it as a subtle metaphor that, despite all his scars – physical and emotional – she still adores him. All of him.

No matter how scarred he might be, he’s still worthy of love. He deserves love. Because he’s so much more than just his scars or his past.

“I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds. Knife wounds. Broken bottle. Then there’s the ones you can’t see. Isabel’s addiction. A dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they’re a part of me.”

Yes, it’s all part of his story, but it’s not the whole story. Those scars aren’t everything.

He said it himself once when he confronted his father: “I’m who I am in spite of you!”

In spite of all the pain, he chose to be the kind of man he is and not be like his father. He found a way to become his own person. And somewhere along the way, after even more heartbreak, he found a reason to become an even better version of himself. But, to be fair: that version’s been there all along. Lucy just managed to bring it (back) to the surface.

And now he can freely look at that reason whenever he wants with so much adoration, so much love in his eyes that I’m feeling sick to my stomach because the butterflies are creating havoc in there.

Tim just walked away from almost a decade and a half of patrol. And yet, he’s happy. He’s beaming with joy. Because he gets to be with Lucy. I know we’ve all noticed it, but I have to point it out again. We have never seen Tim so calm and at peace before. This is what finding and being with the right person will do to you.

And he’s done the same for her. Because she was willing to walk away from her job, too. The woman who doesn’t like commitment was ready to start over professionally at a different station after being with Tim for a few weeks.

She also has more than enough reasons to not want to put her heart out there. Her trauma might not be like the one Tim has experienced, but it’s still trauma. Her parents made sure to make her feel unlovable basically her whole life. Again, the only guy she seemed to be kind of serious about cheated on her. Others broke up with her without a second thought. So her defense mechanism became keeping guys at a romantic distance.

Yes, she’s a very caring person who’s there for her friends and those in need – which I love, because she became the opposite of her parents whose care is always conditional. But romantically? She likes to keep her distance even when she’s in a relationship; and even though she’s often the one to make the first move. But in 5x08, she was the one who was hesitant until Tim made clear he wanted it as much as she did. That she mattered to him enough for him to be willing to risk it all. That he loved her enough to risk it.

Tim did the opposite of her parents and every other guy before him: make her feel wanted and appreciated and loved just the way she is.

Her willingness to transfer is such a beautiful gesture of love. No, they’re nowhere near ready to actually say those words, but they showed each other their love through these selfless gestures, no words necessary.

They really have found their forever person.

But back to the scene.

And then there’s something about the way Lucy just lets her head fall back in this moment while they’re kissing right before they start walking toward her bedroom. It’s like she’s completely giving herself to him here. Because she is. Lucy “commitment phobe” Chen is one hundred percent in this. She’s ready for this next step with the only guy she’s ever loved.

Also, I’m a sucker for their height difference. Now I just need a kiss where she’s not wearing some kind of heels. Then I’ve seen everything I needed to see. Okay, not everything, but it’s one of the things that’s been on my wish list since before they were together.

Lucy lets out another moan as she’s smiling into that kiss as they start moving toward the bedroom. She even giggles into that kiss. Again, girl’s enjoying herself; she’s happy. One of his hands then comes up to move behind her head while the other goes to the door frame, preventing Lucy’s head from hitting the wall. He’s always been protective of her, and that only heightened after the whole Caleb thing and even more so once he realized he was in love with her. So to see this little move? Yeah, I don’t know why it makes me go feral, but it does. Because even in their haze of lust, he’s making sure she feels safe with him.

And this entire time, we see respectful Tim. Yes, he’s the one to start the flirting and steer the conversation in that direction. But he doesn’t just go for it, he waits for her response. He’s letting her know he’s ready, but he’s also letting her decide whether she’s ready for this, too.

And once she’s given him the verbal confirmation and he knows she is, he doesn’t hold back. He’s pretty firm with those kisses and his hands cupping her face, but: it’s not forceful. It’s passionate. It’s a mix of joy and hunger and want and desire. It’s love. You can see in the way he kisses her and cradles her face how much he loves her.

As they continue to make out against the door frame – seriously, how is this even real?! – one of Lucy’s hands moves toward his neck, holding him close. His left moves from cradling the side of her face to her waist as they actually finally back into her bedroom. He closes the door almost all the way before fully slamming it shut, but instead of going straight for the bed, we can see that they’re still at that door. Because we can see Lucy’s hair against the not entirely see-through glass, where Tim has undoubtedly pushed her back against. They just love making out against doors, don’t they?

Damn, these two are seriously hungry for each other.

And after all this time, I don’t blame them. Because they deserve this. It’s time to enjoy this new intimacy. This happiness. This love.

They’ve fought their demons, separately and together. They’ve experienced different kinds of traumas over the years and still managed to come out stronger than ever before. They’ve ignored and struggled with their feelings for far longer than they realized before finally accepting them and taking the leap together.

And if anyone deserves to finally be this freakishly happy, it’s Tim and Lucy.

My deepest gratitude goes, once again, to @escapismqueen. This time, she actually did kind of write parts of this, so thank you for letting me use it all and providing me with the necessary inspiration and missing words when my brain just couldn’t properly function anymore. Also, a big thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read my stuff about 5x08 and/or 5x10 and now also this. Every single one of you makes me want to keep writing. And it’s so much fun, too. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me next.

#chenford #the rookie #lucy chen #tim bradford #how did this get so out of hand #it feels a little all over the place so apologies if it doesn't make much sense haha #this is what i do instead of focusing on my bachelor's #someone seriously send help #i just love being in my little chenford bubble #because i love these two idiots in love #a chenford thesis

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atsadi-shenanigans · 3 months

Text

Feeding Alligators 32 - Munchies

Gale is hungry and not for food. So is Astarion, and that innuendo IS intended.

On AO3.

So, y’all nearly lose Lae’zel. Mostly because outta the three options y’all got, “searching for the hidden location of a bunch of lizard murder hobos” sounded like the longest, most involved, and most dangerous one.

Lae’zel takes it about as well as can be expected. She cuts one of her training dummies into pieces with a single-minded viciousness that makes you wonder who’s face she’s projecting onto it.

She does end up staying, though.

Then there’s the western route. Y’all murdered druids so Halsin could have a smooth transition back into power if 1. Y’all even find him, 2. He ain’t dead, and 3. Y’all ain’t dead. Three steps makes this one slightly less of a pain but still not ideal.

So then there’s old Auntie Ethel.

You show Gale the map she gave you, with her house marked on it—damn thing is enchanted and he eyeballs it real weird. There’s only her house and a mark he says is some kinda wayfinder rune stone thingamabob.

To which Wyll chimes in about the rampaging demon woman you kinda roped all y’all into dealing with.

To which Gale puffs up, lifts his hands, and opens a fucking portal.

“Jesus fuck,” you say. “How the fuck long have you been sitting on that?”

“Will it trap us in a stone?” Astarion says, having decided to grace y’all with his presence, though he seems kinda put out by it.

Not long, Gale explains. And also no, on the stone thing.

Gale took a hit after waking up in a portal after the butthole ship went down. Shadowheart and the others chime in with the same. Spells weaker. Some unsteady (Gale says with a pointed look at Astarion, who dodges it) or unusable. Only Astarion seems to have netted positives (which sends him preening for about five minutes).

But their strength is returning, gradually. Gale had felt his magic capacity (“connection with the Weave, Eleanor” so now you’re calling it his mojo) increasing every day. So now he can cast this. Apparently, it connects to that rune stone thing on the map by Auntie’s house. As best you understand it (in between zoning out) it’s kinda a train station (or subway, since it “tunnels between the fabrics of the realms”). Y’all’ve seen weird marks carved into big rocks; those are the waypoints.

You call them teleporters, cause that’s what they seem like to you and you couldn’t follow his detailed explanation all the way through. It ain’t like you can use magic anyway.

As none of y’all want to spend the night at some stranger’s house in god-knows-where, y’all break for the night to settle in.

But Gale catches you before you get far. Up close, you can see sweat on his brow. He’s trying hard to hold himself straight, project calm and coolness as usual. But there’s a strain around his eyes that you ain’t seen before.

“May I have a word?” he says.

Only Astarion lingers, idly swirling a cup of wine near the fire. He looks up as you glance his way, but then you look to Gale again.

“Sure,” you say.

He leads you off a bit, out of earshot of most of camp. Stops at the tree you and Wyll had chatted under.

There, he tries to slap on a smile. But there’s tension around his eyes, and even the smile seems to twitch with effort.

“We’ve been on the road together for some time now, haven’t we?” he says. “Survived some perils, overcame some obstacles. Ever since you were kind enough to pull me from that stone, I’ve seen you demonstrate remarkable guile and generosity.”

This is a speech, you realize. Man’s practiced this. He’s usually expressive when he talks; waves his hands a bit and his face is animated. Here, he’s still and forced-pleasant. You watch him sharper as he goes on; having delivered the opening sentence, he backs that up with exaggerated examples you ain’t sure even he believes.

“In short, I’ve grown to trust you,” he says. And there’s the thesis.

“Okay?” you say.

He waits a pause. Probably expected something more, and when you don’t elaborate, he sort of stumbles into the next part. Uses more words than he needs to (he must be one of those people who get a “five page essay” assignment and turn that sucker into fifteen pages, single-spaced) to get to the next part. “You see, I have this… condition. Very different from the parasite we share, but just as deadly.”

You frown. “What kinda condition?”

Much better than leading with “is it contagious”, which you want to do.

“The specifics are rather personal. Suffice to say, it’s a malady I’ve learned to live with. Though not without some effort.”

Like slamming down both a dirt and a blood potion in the morning. The man makes these for you. He was one of the first of them (Shadowheart being the actual first) who tried to help you. And he cooks for y’all. You owe the man your time and attention.

And then he says he needs a magic item. Which, okay? There’s gotta be plenty of those around Faerun, right?

“I wouldn’t ask this of you if it weren’t vital—dare I say it, critical,” he says. “I may have, ah, pushed it aside for too long, now. The need has become severe.”

You nod, but then catch his glance. You got your arms folded, and your glowing ring lights his face in soft blue in the shade of twilight. Your first, real jewelry. Your enchanted jewelry.

“I know the allure magical items possess. I understand their value, and their power. All this to say: I understand the sacrifice I ask of you, and I promise, you will be rewarded with any and all means at my disposal.”

Again, the flicker of his gaze. The raw hunger in his eyes. Except it’s not just hunger, is it? That’s fear tightening his jaw and drawing a line between his brows.

“What happens if you don’t get an item?” you say.

He loses the last few threads of fake charm. His face goes entirely grim. “It’s already started, I’m afraid. And as you’ve probably noticed. I’ll spare you the finer details, but it begins with simple biological deterioration. Muscle spasms, disorientation, a slight ringing in the ears. And, if left for too long…catastrophe. And not just for myself.”

Jesus on a pogo stick. Only now do you notice the tremor in his hands. The hands he’s carefully left hanging at his sides, rather than draw attention to them as…as he normally does goddamnit.

“Why in the fuck didn’t you say something sooner?” And what the fuck is it about this group of screwheads not letting anybody else know they’re literally starving or like, melting from the fucking inside? These fucking people.

To this, Gale winces. “I don’t intend to impugn what I’ve now seen is your good character…”

“But we’re all a bunch of strangers on a butthole ship. Yeah, okay, I probably didn’t need to ask that.”

A lizard murder hobo, a vampire, and now a wizard with a chronic illness. What the fuck are Shadowheart and Wyll hiding?

You look at the ring. The one good thing in all this. The first actually nice thing you’ve ever had.

But Gale don’t look well at all. And he’s helped you so much in all this. You probably owe him your life, and it’s bad group dynamics to let one of them stumble and fall.

You sigh.

The second you get something nice, the universe comes to snatch it away. As usual.

You try to ignore the way your throat tightens as you wiggle the ring off your pinkie. It’s not even that nice of a ring and it was too small to begin with. And Faerun is littered with more. This was probably their version of one of them quarter machines in a grocery store selling kid’s jewelry. You ain’t gonna get upset over something that small, not when it sounds like this man’s life actually depends on it.

You hold the ring out. His whole face lights up in relief. “Thank you.”

He presses his hands to his chest. His whole body flares in purple light and he kind of grimaces, but it’s the Thanos snap that dissolves the ring to dust what really grabs your attention.

“Holy shit,” you say.

“Yes, it’s quite a sight.” He pants a couple of moments, dry swallows a couple more times, and then sighs as his whole frame relaxes. “H’oh, that hit the spot. I can feel it work. The magic is a lullaby that sings the demon inside to sleep.”

And if that ain’t the most concerning phrase. He must see the “what the fuck” on your face, because he lifts his hands (oh look, he’s gesturing again), and continues. “Not literally. I’m only saying, it has worked. And I am indebted to you, most gracious lady. You can count on me for any aid that you require.”

You…did do it because he makes the potion that keeps your soul from flying off into space. But you also did it because he’s part of the group and you don’t like seeing people hungry or hurting.

“It’s all good,” you say. “How, um, how often d’you need one of them?”

“I was able to wait about a tenday between, back home. I had a steady supply of such artifacts in my tower at Waterdeep, mind you, and I wasn’t gallivanting about the countryside with a worm in my head while fighting packs of goblins. I nearly pushed it too far, this time, and it hasn’t even been that. I suspect I may be down to a hand of days, maybe a few more.”

So about five days, give or take. Swell. Peachy.

Fuck.

“Right,” you say. “I guess we’ll have to keep an eye out, huh?”

The look he gives you is so warm and relieved you have to look away. “I am sorry for asking this of you, but I truly, truly appreciate your help. You do your people credit, Eleanor, to have raised such rare kindness in a person.”

And that’s hitting too close to home.

You nod again, mumble something about heading in for the night. He sweeps down into a both-arms-out bow and leaves you with a defined pep in his step.

He passes Astarion on his way back up, who gives the wizard a single, arched eyebrow.

When the vampire man reaches you, he says, “I’ve known people hungry for power, but Gale takes a bit too literally for my liking. At least I only take blood.”

So he heard. You wonder just how sharp them pointed ears actually are.

Gale needed that ring. You know that, logically. But still, you look to your bare pinkie finger and the cold disappointment sinks into you.

“At least he only wanted that trinket,” Astarion says. “Can you imagine if we’d had to give him something more valuable? Gods, what happens when he needs another one? I’m not donating.”

You try to smile. But too much has happened today, and your own masking game ain’t up to par at the moment. Astarion gives you a sort of pitying look.

“Don’t tell me you actually thought that bauble was useful?” he says.

“Not really. Just, you know. First actually gold thing I ever wore.” And that makes you feel even more pathetic, so time to change the subject and make a joke! “So that means the next one we find, I call dibs, got it?”

He lifts his hands in surrender. Eyes you a second. “Lower class family, was it? Grew up with a single pair of shoes between you and your siblings, and one good dress to visit whichever temple your family liked?”

You huff. “I had three skirts, thank you very much.”

“Oooh, someone’s family was moving up in the world.”

Normally, you’d be down for this sort of game. Teasing is fun when the other person plays into it. But this topic…it’s a little more difficult. And you’d really like nothing more than to crawl into your tent, lay down on your face, and pass out until morning.

You try to smile.

“I’m heading in for the night,” you say. Pause and look him over. He’s a touch paler than he has been the last couple days. A light smear of purple smudged under his eyes. “Have you, y’know, fed on anybody else? Since me, I mean?”

“Haven’t had the chance, darling. Are you offering?” A glint in his eye. You don’t miss his gaze moving down your neck.

“Not tonight, sorry. You took more than my usual donations, I think, and I ain’t really sure how healing spells work when it comes to replacing red blood cells.” At his stare, you veer off into explaining that part of biology, as best you can remember. Then, “But I think in a week, I should be okay. If, y’know, that’ll still help you out.”

He’s on full smarm when he says, “How could I turn down such a delectable offer? Though I’ll be sure to take less next time.”

There’s a slight question at the end of that sentence.

“And I’ll be ready with a potion and some actual bandages,” you say. Last damn thing you need is the whole crew finding your half-bled carcass drooling in the dirt again.

Astarion literally twirls one of his curls around his finger. He’s got such Blanche Devereaux energy.

“Well,” he drawls. “Do let me know when you feel up to it.”

You nod. Lift a hand. “Night.”

“Good night, darling. Do sleep well. I’ll be waiting in my own tent, whiling away the time until I can taste you again.”

Jesus lord.

You consider flipping him off. Decide you don’t wanna take the time to explain that gesture and get into a verbal sparring match over the potential innuendo. Settle for a, “You do that.”

Never has a bedroll been so comfortable.

Which is why you shouldn’t be so surprised when, halfway through a dream involving you and Deadpool (except you were Deadpool?) robbing a steam engine while fighting ninjas armed with a gatling gun, the dream shifts and your soul slams back into your body.

The sudden physicality of it jolts you. Dreams don’t have feeling, but suddenly the air is cool and smells vaguely like…burnt metal? Carbonized steak? You lie flat on your back, staring up at an old screensaver of spinning, LSD purple clouds. And there’s somebody talking nearby. And that voice is vaguely familiar.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #astarion #astarion x tav #feeding alligators fic #plus size tav #demisexual tav #bg3 fanfic #astarion fanfic #slow burn #they're both dumb #it's a goddamn isekai #i'm not sorry

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bunnvoid · 2 years

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"(...)also they aren’t siblings soo" and Jason and Tim are tho? Show at least comic panel to prove your thesis

Sure sweetie, let’s pick up some comics shall we? I’ll be nice to give you the time of day because google is free mind you. And comics can be accessed for free if you can’t buy any :) cackling ‘thesis’ bro we ain’t in school

Shoutout to sohoteveryonedied for a huge portion of these screenshots, your awesome

But I mean here you go

Keep in mind for a majority of Tim’s interaction with Jason he’s been a minor and Jason is over 19. Y’all out here catching a case

A few grabbed from my collection with things as recent as Task Force Z #8 (last two examples, with the first one being from Tim talking about Jason)

Also they’re both adopted by Bruce, emancipated and independent or not they’re still his children.

So I won’t be taking ‘well technically-‘ to quote the ever lovely Shane Madej ‘anytime you have to say it’s not incest, technically, that’s not great’

So here’s them referring to Bruce as their father.

Longish post but yeah, get out of my blog with this dude. Don’t know who you’re trying to convince other than yourself :D

Go drink a slushee or something to cool it 💚 have a lovely day^^

#anon #step bro type beat vibes I’m getting from anon #into the void #tim drake #jason todd #red hood #red robin #I’m a whole adult and despite my issues with my mom she’s still my mom

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pristina-nomine · 1 year

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so my knowledge about her is entirely limited to your posts, but may I request ophélie from la passe miroir for the character ask? 💌 very curious about this series!

Ah, I'm so happy that my posts got you curious about it ✨ (I’m also so sorry for the super late reply, but this week stuff just kept happening and I haven’t had a moment to write anything) Anyway! Thanks for allowing me to indulge in more obnoxious gushing u.u

Favorite thing about her: that she's devoid of any sentimentalism, even if the plot constantly puts her through super angsty scenarios. And that in her character arc of opening up to others and accepting the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, this part of her never really changes; she comes to realize that feelings are not necessarily melodramatic, that she can love and love deeply, but always in her own way

Least favorite thing about her: even though I really like the general theme of Thorn’s wounds running too deep to be magically cured by him falling for Ophélie, at times in tome 3 I did wish she wasn’t that accommodating to him. Which, again, is a fundamental point of her personal growth and objectively well done (and he’s like. very much accommodating to her as well), but there are a couple of specific scenes where it rubs me the wrong way a bit, can’t help it

Favorite line: Il n’avait pas le droit!!!! Character thesis statement. Iconique. Also, given that the whole series is her internal monologue, honorary mention to the resolve moment in the final paragraphs of tome 1

brOTP: so many to choose from, so I’ll go with: the scarf. Unironically one of my favorite characters.

OTP: Thorn, of course. I love that they’re one and the same obstinate communication disaster, that he realizes it almost immediately and does nothing at all to shy away from or hide his feelings, while she needs to go through her whole journey to understand and accept this new part of herself. Excited to read in which other way they’ll misunderstand each other in tome 4! (I’m not actually. Let them be content, at least for a while, please)

nOTP: given that Ophélie notp-ies herself with everyone aha I'd say Renard, Archibald, anyone of the dudes she forms a strong friendship with, basically (I’m not as opposed with the gals for some reason? But I’m also very monogamous with my ships, so still ain’t it)

Random headcanon: this may be more of a general lore thing because I also apply it to other characters, but the use of "of Anima" - ie the place she comes from - as a surname stand-in, Middle Ages style (mainly because I hate tagging characters with only their first name so I had to make something up aha)

(Wait, now that I think about it, they do use the Family Spirits names in the wedding ceremony... that's pretty much the canon equivalent of a surname... well, there goes my headcanon)

Unpopular opinion: welp, I don't even know what the popular opinions are, the fandom here is so minuscule aha. One thing may be that I'm very adamant about her being in her early twenties, or 19 at least? If she was a teen her uneasiness about romance/sexuality and frustration at feeling "half a woman" and "a child" simply wouldn't hit as hard

Song I associate with her: Alice's Theme by Danny Elfman!!

Favorite picture of her: this picture of an Edwardian young lady who looks precisely how I see her with my mind's eye, minus the scarf

Bonus: these stunning portraits by @fantasy-seal and Ilenia Pastore

#anyway there is much to chew in this series but I'd wholeheartedly recommend it even if only for the simple pleasure of reading #like I'm enjoying it immensely on an almost gut level - which prevents me to appreciate it fully in a way I fear?#and yet it feels amazing to be so sucked into a book #la passe miroir #ophélie d’anima #ask games #ophélie de dame artemis #...this actually sounds super cool I'm changing all the tags #@francophone friends: do you confirm that the correct titles for the family spirits are 'dame' and 'seigneur'#recensioni

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rarathephotographydrone-uh29 · 14 days

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Hey Rara 👋, what's your favorite kind of human stuff?

You and puppy drone B can trade some stuff some time, they also love to collect stuff ^^

Oh mi robo-gosh, my first question! Heyyyy! Hi! Hola! And all other languages!

Okay I could go on an entire thesis about this but I should probably keep it short else my phone will probably explode from word length- xd

But to answer your question, I thought no one would ever ask! Okay okokokokok!! So- *MY* favourite kind of human stuff other than the tonnes of movies that I own has to be all the silly items they seemed to have! Like- seriously!

Like here’s a quick list of examples of stuff that I got!! (Not all of it btw but my favourite ones out of my bunch!)

1- A giant scythe! I don’t think it’s a real one- and it ain’t sharp. But it’s real fancy and got purple ribbons all down it! Shiny too!

2- These rubber bracelets that look like shapes of random stuff when you take them off!! Like- it becomes a heart!? Then back to a bracelet!

3- My ukulele! Of course! I decorated it and everything! Don’t think the other drones appreciate my playing tho! =.=

4- A colourful cube that’s like divided into 9 squares and you can twist and turn it and stuff! Colours are all jambled though…

Annnnd number 5-

I attached a picture of me and my personal favourite item I’ve got in my collection! I name them Felicia. They’re a rubber bird.

And *yes* they do make squeaky sounds. I added some filter sticker stars around them- geheheheheheh! >:3

#and just saying i would love to see B’s collection!?#that’s their name right? I would love to meet them!!#I also have small weird human figurines! they got little axes and helmets! and a really weird lizard with wings!#I’d be so happy to trade with a fellow collector one time! :D #murder drones #murder drones art #murder drones oc #oc rp blog #oc rp #oc #oc art #oc artwork #art #artwork #digital art

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cassatine · 2 years

Note

I would love to know your ideas about Daemon/Rhaenyra and their deranged love!

Ongoing manifesto is [here]

that being said idk that’s a bit. too vague and open-ended a question. pls be more specific next time but for now:

They’re the same person in different bodies and they both looked at their mirror self and thought yeah I’d tap that?? And after ten years of separation, ten years of distance from the mirror self, the only one that truly understood them: I’d rather burn the world down I’d rather be feared than live without that again?? Heights of Targ psychosexual fuckery right there!!

They both subscribe to the idea that only dragon people are real people! Targaryen exceptionalism all the way for them. Why do you think even Rhaenyra’s love for Alicent did not translate to understanding or protection or anything beyond ‘love me fear me adore me’.

Not to deny the unhinged romanticism of the “meant to burn together” line but what I’m personally obsessed by is “they will fear what else we might be capable of”, like that’s their thesis statement and political program rolled into one and it’s hot as fuck. Also stupid as fuck, because that program hasn’t worked out that well for any dynasty in the long term, like, ever, but also: better burn together than keep on living a half life. Viserys called them “restless and chaotic” back when he first thought they’d shagged and really, he’d pegged them right. They tried normalcy (as much as feudal people with pet metaphorical nuclear weapons can be normal) and it turned out to suck ass — “happy enough”, says Daemon of his time with Laena (which, ouch), “droll tragedy”, says Rhaenyra of her life, of her years trying to play by the rules (also ouch). And they’d have gone back to it if not for each other — one spousal funeral reunion shag of tenderness and they were like “meant to burn together” never gonna be separated again!! No cost too dear!!

I get that the argument that they’re getting married for political reasons only get people’s hackles up, and lbr it is on the level of saying water is dry, but imo swinging the pendulum to the other extreme (nothing to do with the political at all) isn’t that much better in the end. It is a political partnership. Rhaenyra doesn’t say “with you as my husband and prince consort my claim wouldn’t be so easily challenged” for people to say that she hasn’t taken the political repercussions of a wedding into account. And whether Rhaenyra is really, really crap at maths or whether she’s fudging the numbers because she wants Daemon that bad (it’s the later, of course it’s the later), the fact is that she makes a political argument for their getting married. Sometimes people both want to climb each other and to be a political power couple steamrolling all opposition until everything explodes in their face (better have everything explode in your face than go through life like you’re already dead for one minute longer than needed).

Rhaenyra has it bad for Daemon, but she has it bad for the throne too. If she didn’t she’d cut her losses and they’d move to Pentos or wherever, and she is very much not gonna do that. They love each other insanely, but they love power too.

Laenor is a darling and we love him but by ep7 it’s kinda obvious that while Rhaenyra does like him she’s been disappointed in him as a political partner for a while (ftr it’s understandable that he’s flaky, what with the trauma of what happened re: Joffrey). He gives her the ‘ready to commit now’ speech and for ten years she’d have had to take it even with no way to know whether Laenor would follow up on it, because she had no other option, but alas for him he gives her the speech after Daemon pops up, freshly single, while the situation with Alicent and the Greens hits No Return Point, and Rhaenyra says: actually yes I deserve a husband that supports me, a political partner I can actually trust to look after my interests, one who will kill a bitch for me, and that ain’t you.

She didn’t free Laenor!! It’s not a victory for the gays!! She functionally exiled him because she chose Daemon over him. She told her husband and friend of ten years to fuck off to Essos and never come back and let his family believe him dead because her mirror self was back and it’s her mirror self she wants. Let her and Daemon be selfish on that one instead of dressing it up as a victory for us queers.

Everyone goes on about Rhaenyra having a case of gender, and she sure fucking does, but you know who else does? Fucking Daemon, that’s who. Viserys says he’s the Visenya of the family. He straights up wields Visenya’s sword. He was sent off to Runestone where his wife was in charge, and where all that would have been expected of him was to do the do and bring forth some heirs, which in Westeros is what's expected of women (also he’d obv. have resented being married to a normie and not another Targ, because only dragon people are real people), and being a cursed mix of extreme insecurity and overblown dragon pride he simply couldn’t handle any of it, hence the extremely unhappy wedding with Rhea, but also his tendency to overperform masculinity à la westorosi (violence). And yet he’s gonna fucking kneel to Rhaenyra!!

Daemon is literally going to crown her!! I am the crown (I am the realm) she told Criston and what’s the one title Daemon will take? Protector of the Realm. He’s going to die for her!! Fighting her war!! Just like Rhaenys died fighting Aegon’s war!!

Ok. Look. Wherever canon goes — at the end of the day some people see incestuous legacies fuckery and like clockwork they go, oh the latest generation has to fuck and do it in full ancestors cosplay while insistently calling each other by familial relationship terms, and they have to make it weird for everyone else, and they also have to kill a lot people to maintain their grasp on power, and by some people I mean me.

#house of the dragon #daemyra #daemon targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #meta #the rhaenys wannabe agenda #ask #anon

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channelworldbluez · 17 days

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Women on Radblr: I am currently studying for my Bachelors in (insert STEM major here) and writing this extensive thesis statement right now.

Me, unemployed smoking a Newport: I got several certifications in JavaScript, Java, C#, but most I can do is code some shit but by code some shit I’m just gonna copy it from a library but it ain’t gonna work still plus best I can do is make sure the backend of a website is running smoothly and imma copy most of the code from GitHub but I wouldn’t count on me anyways wanna hear this beat I made in Fl Studio. Wanna hear this song I recorded?

#me #txt #I know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves but all of you are so smart #and I’m like idk what happened to me I used to be something lmao

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helenofsimblr · 9 months

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Lysa: I haven’t seen you much since the Station incident. Thank-you.

Guy: Glad you liked the robot.

Lysa: No, not the fucking robot, if it wasn’t for you… me and Jimmy would be dead along with everybody else here. You saved us brother, you’re a godsdamned hero.

Guy: I’m no hero Lysa, I'm just a scientist.

Jimmy: Well now I just gotta disagree there son. That was something what you did.

Guy: I had a lot of help.

Jimmy: See the way your floaty sister Elita tells it, it was you, one on one, against a super powered lunatic. If that ain’t heroic I dunno what is.

Guy: It's easy to be brave when you have enhanced strength. Not so easy when you’re just a regular man. You’re a braver man than me Jimmy, you’re a cop.

****

Lysa: So in addition to the huge muscles, that huge brain of yours too huh? Assistant Professor?

Jimmy: Dang, no end to this boy’s talents. I tell you, I’ve met some folks who worked hard but you and your little friend Isaac have done some incredible things.

Guy: Ha, yeah… regular Mr Talent.

Elita: Guy for all his swagger and confidence was never one that needed his ego stroked. In fact, heaps of admiration and praise like this made him feel uncomfortable. Also the sting of Evelyn’s rejection was still there.

Lysa: So this brainy geek did all three sciences as his degree in TWO years! Then he did his PhD in one! His thesis was good enough to be classed as breakthrough research. Now he’s a professor!

Guy: Just an assistant professor… I only cover class…

Jimmy: What you professorin’ there Guy?

Guy: Uh, Recombinant Neogenics. So enough about that boring stuff, how about you guys? Excited?

****

Jimmy: I think we are, how about you darlin’?

Lysa: Be excited to have a drink again! Guy, the doctors said that I had to stop smoking and drinking, can you believe that? Wasn’t long ago they said it didn’t matter.

Jimmy: Oh come on darlin’ it's only for a short time. You can have a glass of wine when she’s born.

Guy: Well as long as the baby is fine, all other concerns are secondary right?

Jimmy: Absolutely. Well said, Professor. So we wanna know, is there any lady in your sights currently huh? Because there was this wonderful new police recruit and I could see if she’s available or free? Maybe set you guys up?

Guy: Uh, well, no lady as such Jimmy, I mean I’ve been so focussed on my work lately. And the girl I was interested in, I kinda… well she’s getting married to somebody else so…

Lysa: You had a lucky escape!

Guy: Ah, speaking of escape, I uh just remembered I need to get back and edit the paper Isaac and I have been working on. I’ll see you guys again! Good luck for the clinic Lysa!

#ts4 #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ksu #tales from the district #Season Two #Guy #Lysa #Jimmy

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stevetonyweekly · 1 year

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SteveTony Weekly - February 5th

Hello! Welcome to this week’s rec list--it was a busy week on my end and I spent a few nights reading comics so the list is a little shorter than normal. But check it out and be sure to leave your author a comment/kudos!

~*~

Captain's Favour, Devil's Due by Diomedes

Tony went missing for five months. He came back smelling like the sea.

The bloodstain was a crimson Rorshach test; you could see whatever you wanted in it.

A Pristine White Shirt for Steven G. Rogers by sepulchralcrease

Aka how I imagine Steve could join the Noir Universe.

Told through a series of time skips Steve and Tony's relationship progress. Their relationship progresses with Steve's ever nicer shirts and Tony's seemingly near perfect ability to stain them. Some time after Project Insight Steve gets assigned to escort Tony on his next adventure. The problem is that Tony isn't supposed to know that the Army is involved or the fact that Steve is actually Captain America. When the truth comes out it nearly ends what could have been.

like hares they mistook confidence for capacity by silkspectred

Steve and Tony’s first time, during which they create their bond.

The Northman by sabrecmc

Alpha Warlord Steve takes Omega Tony as his prize

How We Met by FestiveFerret

Life was pretty simple for Tony - work on his graduate thesis, hang out with his robotics projects in his unusual apartment, and fuck people for money. At least, it was simple until he met Steve Rogers.

I Think You'll Understand by Sineala

Steve's first night in Avengers Mansion is a lonely one, until Iron Man stops by to welcome him to his new home.

Don't need your superpowers (just your hands) by tictactoews

Tony is hurt and stubborn, but Steve ain't having it.

Bring Some Peace by BlossomsintheMist

Tony is tired, Steve is affectionate, and they spend some time together. Pretty much pure relaxing fluff.

feelings that never left by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)

The last thing Tony expects while working on the time machine for the so-called Time Heist is to be confronted with the very man he thought he'd made his peace with. Guess some wounds run deeper than we think.

Looking by Fluffypanda

Stephen gets injured on a mission with Sigurd.

the ice is getting thinner under me and you by meidui

Steve is supposed to be at a bar downtown with the rest of his team. Steve is not supposed to be back in the emptied out stadium, his back slammed against the lockers with Tony's tongue in his mouth.

Or: For as long as Steve can remember, years before he was even drafted onto the Brooklyn Bears as a rookie, Tony Stark has been truly excellent at two things: hockey and pissing people off.

squeeze the stick and pull the trigger by meidui

Tony does most things in his life for fun. Hockey, one night stands, blowjob shots, Steve Rogers.

Or: Six years into his NHL career, Tony allows himself to think that maybe—maybe, he would like something different, something more. Then comes Steve Rogers.

two hearts, one home by quidhitch

Later, Tony will spend hours thinking about the urgency of it— the burning Right Here, Right Now of the first time they touched. Meant to be was such a funny, stupid thought until he met Steve.

Kaleidoscope by farawatt

Steve's memories are falling apart.

#stevetony weekly #stevetony fic #stony fic #fic recs #rec list #stony #stevetony #steve rogers #tony stark #captain america #iron man

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liketaylorswift · 11 months

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find the other albums here (x)

#i have a reason for all of these so there’s no wrong answers!#ashley’s polls #album theses #fearless #taylor swift poll

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portgasdwrld · 11 months

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Ask rules 🤍

If your ask contain any type of spoiler for One Piece, I’m deleting the ask 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m half way through the anime lmao

One piece timestamp: I am at Whole Cake

I write both NSFW & SFW :)

-I write mainly for

One Piece: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Ace, Robin (might add other people as I advance in the anime, you can try yourself if they aren’t mentioned tho) No, I won’t write about Chopper 💀 or anyone that I have no inspiration for.

JJK: I write for mostly all of them, might have a bias for Megumi, Gojo and Choso :)

Tokyo revenger (my beloved) : Write for mostly everyone ngl, beside if I have no inspiration. Biased for Mickey, Kazutora & Baji 🫧 (all catch up with the manga)

NSFW // SFW Ask

-I don’t write for piss kink, furry, hybrid, stepcest or incest,r//pe, minors, age gap, shipping characters,feet kink and wtv else I might find uncomfortable. 🌥️

-If you request an NSFW ask, you can’t do it anonymously. Your age have to be in your bio 🫶🏻

When I write…

I write firstly for myself so I apologize in advance if I take time or don’t chose what you sent me. This is just for fun and if I ain’t having fun doing it, it’s not worth it for me❤️

It’s my headcanons, so it’s fine if you don’t agree but don’t be mean

I refuse to have any type of negative behaviour here, so wtv asks/comments contain homophobia, racism, misogyny, etc. Will be deleted and u will be blocked.

I write mostly straight relationships because that’s what I’m most familiar and best at.

BUT!! I do write gender neutral reader & M x M but only SFW ask. F x F can be NSFW + SFW.

No trauma dumping, or thesis request.

If I didn’t do ur ask then I didn’t. That’s all…

That’s pretty much it for now, might add more later if needed 👍🏻

#one piece #jujutsu kaisen #tokyo revengers #ask box #one piece ask blog #jjk ask blog #tokyo rev headcanons

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vincess-princess · 1 year

Text

in darkness shall you be reborn

Chapter 10

Word count: 3763 Warnings: violence A/N: im sorry this took me so long, life got in the way. i started taking meds for my depression and got into a new relationship, and also my thesis deadline is looming... also i had to practically rewrite this one from scratch too. idk when i'll be able to update, i have exams in a month, but i'll do my best <3

When they walked out of the bathhouse and into the pub next door, night had already descended upon the town, the full moon high up in the cloudless sky bathing dirty alleyways and shabby houses in silvery light. There they found Holmes and good two-thirds of the Shout crew, who rather predictably deemed the establishment a worthy investment of their scarce time off. Holmes seemed to be familiar with many of them, shaking their hands and conversing in that hardly legible pirate jargon Vince still struggled to understand. If it wasn’t for his suit, he’d fit right in.

“Ay, you came!” He noticed Nikki and Vince at the door and beckoned them to the table he was occupying.

“I fucking wish,” Nikki grumbled, maneuvering between the chairs. The Shout crew was far from the only clients of the pub tonight, and it was messy, busy and loud. The room was soaked through with smells of smoke, cheap beer and onions, and the walls practically rattled with every roar of laughter or cry of indignation drunk sailors emitted, which they did plenty.

Holmes must have fought a hard battle to keep the chairs at his table in their places, as the sailors at the tables nearby, many of them on shaky stools, frequently shot him resentful glances. When Nikki and Vince sat down, these glances redirected their ire at them – the bastards coming in so late yet getting the good chairs! – but no verbal complaints were made. The benefit of dining with two pirates armed to the teeth, Vince almost chuckled. Holmes wasn’t a walking armory like Nikki, but didn’t make much effort to hide a pistol on his hip and a dagger on another either.

“Why’s your hair wet? You two had waste poured on you or something?” Holmes squinted when they neared the table. “Wait, no, you’re too clean for that. Was there a sudden rain that I inexplicably missed? Did you go swimming? Or worked up some sweat unloading cargo? No, Sixx, would never carry loads himself when he’s got a slave nearby. Nay, I can’t even imagine what you two were doing. Or maybe I can, but later, when I’m in private.” He flashed them a toothy grin. Vince pretended he hadn’t heard the last part.

“Done jeering?” Nikki scowled, plopping onto the chair. Vince lowered himself carefully onto his, as if it could crumple under him any minute. “We were in the bathhouse across the street.”

“Oh, there were no rooms at the inn?”

“You rascal,” Sixx said sweetly. “We were bathing. A thing you do in bathhouses, among others.”

“Now, that’s the most improbable guess of all I’ve made,” Holmes laughed. “For all I know, you’d rather suffocate on your own stench.”

“Lies and slander,” Nikki huffed indignantly.

“It was my request,” Vince said. He knew he’d have to pay for this later, but just couldn’t help it.

“Ha! I knew it!” Holmes banged his fist on the table. “He ain’t gonna let you fool anyone, right, Sixx?”

“Yeah,” Nikki said with an unnerving smile. Vince only saw a glimpse of his hand in the air when a slap on the cheek burned his skin and sent his head swaying.

“Damn, Sixx,” he heard Holmes sighing, “keep your disciplinary process behind closed doors, won’t you?”

“Won’t work with this one. He’ll behave only if he knows he can get his ass kicked whenever and wherever.”

“From my experience, all stick and no carrot never made any slave more docile.”

“Well, then your experience is clearly limited. Now, I thought I came here to get pissed, not lectured.”

“Very well.” Holmes leaned onto the back of his chair. “Hope you’re right about this. Hey, waitress! Over here! Whatcha gonna have?”

“They got any wine?” Nikki picked up a crust of bread from a plate at the center of the table and carefully bit it. He could as well gnaw on the table itself, Vince understood from his expression.

“Wine? For you?” Holmes raised an eyebrow, but Nikki’s face remained serious, so he chose not to continue with a joke he clearly had in mind. “Sometimes, when there are shipments. You can never count on it, though. A Dutch ship docked here a couple weeks ago, so I reckon they still may’ve got some left.”

“I shall have some then. Sure hope it’s not that sparkling shit the French keep pushing. I don’t want any air in my wine.” Nikki dropped the crust back onto the plate with disgust on his face. Vince last ate in the morning, and with every passing minute the crust looked more and more alluring. He hadn’t fallen so low, though – for now.

“You’re being unfair to the French.” Holmes laughed. “They hate it as much as you do. It’s the English who you should berate. You an Englishman, Vinnie?” He suddenly turned to Vince.

“I-“ Vince began, but Nikki didn’t let him finish.

“That don’t matter, Chris. He ain’t got no home anymore besides the Shout.” Nikki appeared nonchalant, but Vince could see his body tense up like a taut string.

Holmes, smiling placidly, didn’t seem to notice anything. “That’s what I tell all my slaves too. The past is in the past. It’s the present you should think about. Ya hear me, Vinnie?”

Vince didn’t reply, his throat tightening.

“You should do that too. It’ll make life easier for both you and your master. Oh, at last! It’s only been a whole day!” He lashed at the waitress that shuffled to their table, a thin, tired woman, the silver in whose hair didn’t match the still youthful face. She withstood the attack with indifference of a rock, making Vince a little bit envious of her thick skin. That’s probably what spending one’s days and nights surrounded by crude, vulgar men could do to anyone, more so to a woman.

Nikki ordered his wine, and Holmes brandy. Vince watched them detachedly, nursing his burning cheek. He had already realised that the combination of the collar and ragged clothes on him were the reason people here pointedly ignored him, addressing only Nikki, so Vince didn’t expect the waitress to turn to him after she took the orders. She did, though.

“And you? The blond fella? Whatcha gonna have?”

It took Vince a couple of seconds to understand that she was talking to him. She was probably just too tired to figure it out, much less to notice what her question did to Vince, but if he had any money, he would tip her twice her wage.

He looked questioningly at Nikki, who after a short hesitation nodded. Vince didn’t expect this part to be over so fast, moreso with such an outcome, which was why the next one - choosing the drink – took him an embarrassingly long amount of time. One part of him wanted to get so drunk that he would pass out and lie uncaring and senseless through whatever debt Nikki would want him to return. Another still buzzed annoyingly in the back of his mind, if you want to escape you need your mind unclouded by spirits. Wouldn’t Nikki get suspicious if he refused to drink, though? Maybe he could pour the drink out while no one was looking?

“Rum,” he finally said when the pause stretched for too long. He’d never tried it, might as well get a taste of this lowly drunkard experience. He was living on a lowly drunkard ship now, after all.

“Oh, he’s really in it now!” Chris laughed, and his laughter spread like contagion to the Shout crew, shaking the walls of the small pub. Other clients didn’t seem to like that much, frowning and murmuring disapprovingly, but didn’t yet dare to protest out loud. “A bottle of rum and a mug for the pretty boy!”

“I don’t need a whole bottle-“ Vince protested, but nobody listened to him anymore – nobody except Nikki, whose sharp gaze almost clawed into him when their eyes met. Damn, he was certainly suspecting something. Now, if Vince didn’t drink the whole bottle, he’d grow wary.

The tired waitress brought them their drinks, flung the mugs and the shots on the table so forcefully Nikki’s wine and Holmes’ brandy splashed over the rim of their mugs, slapped Chris’s hand off her butt and left. The bottle in front of Vince was made of dark, foggy glass, the darker liquid inside it barely visible. The bottle was smaller than he feared, though. He always handled alcohol pretty well, and the dark glass obscured the amount of liquid inside, possible to determine only by putting it against a light. Maybe he could still pull it off?

“Well, for the meeting!” Chris toasted, clinking his mug against Nikki’s. Then both looked at Vince expectingly. Vince hurried to pour some rum into his mug (only hoping its taste would mask whatever was in there before) and clinked it against theirs awkwardly, acutely sensing that they only permitted him to do so as long as this fickle illusion of their equality amused them. Then Holmes sucked in nearly half of his brandy at once, and Nikki took a few gulps of his wine – such a sophisticated drink wasted in such an inelegant manner, Vince shuddered. Not wanting to attract even more of captain’s suspicion, he followed suit and took a big sip of his rum.

Oh, that was a mistake. The liquid, somehow both sickly sweet and bitter, burned its way down his mouth and throat, making him grimace and cough. The room again roared with laughter.

“Our princess isn’t used to strong spirits!” someone shouted. Vince’s cheeks began to burn. God, why was he always so easy to turn red?

Embarrassment and alcohol got to his head then, he later figured, shame and anger muddling his rationality. For a moment, the hurt and humiliation of the insults overpowered his desire for freedom, and he upended the mug into his mouth and swallowed the rum in two forceful gulps.

His mouth burned, but there was no water in sight to wash down the disgusting taste. As the rum dissolved the remains of Vince’s dignity, the lonely crust of bread finally served its purpose, like an old, wrinkly hooker finding a client desperate enough. It tasted just as stale as it looked.

“Wow, look at that,” Nikki grinned. “How ya feeling?”

“Very well,” Vince exhaled, trying not to break a tooth on the crust. “Don’t feel anything.”

“For now,” Nikki nodded condescendingly. “Just you try to go take a piss.”

“And what’s gonna ha- oh, shit.” Vince clutched the table to stay up after he so recklessly sprang onto his feet. His mind was still clear, but his legs liberated themselves from his tyranny and now were doing their own thing, which didn’t coincide with Vince’s intentions. “It all went into my legs.”

“First time’s always like this.”

“I have drunk before.”

“Well, that’s no wine or sherry or whatever you used to drink in your villa. Its purpose is to knock you off your feet as quick as possible. Because you don’t wanna drink more of this shit than necessary.”

“It does taste like shit,” Vince nodded, his mouth still burning, and dropped back onto the chair. Time seemed to slip between his fingers, and he could only watch it run out. Maybe the spirit would clear out just as fast as it hit?

“More?” Chris pointed at the bottle, still perceptibly half-full. “Or maybe you’d like something lighter, like we unassuming folk here?”

“I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Being the most sober person in the room is no fun, you know.”

“I’ll manage.”

“He’s a delight to have in the crew, I see.” Chris told Nikki, smiling sarcastically.

“Absolutely. You haven’t heard his best yet – not in his element today, it seems. He’s usually much bolder. I would have taught him how to talk to his seniors if I didn’t enjoy it so much. He’s like a small dog barking at dogs ten times its size.”

“Small dogs also bite.”

“Yeah, he tried.” Nikki rolled up his sleeve and showed Holmes the cut Vince dealt him in the first fight. It had already closed, though the edges were still red and inflamed. Hoping that Nikki would die of infection was too unrealistic even for Vince, though. “I was impressed, really – that was a close hit, almost cut open my axillary. Too bad it got me angry.”

Rage sparked inside Vince’s chest. They talked about him like he wasn’t there – no, worse, like he was an animal or an object, and to them, he probably was. He wanted to bang on the table and scream, I’m still here, bastards, but they would laugh at him at best and grow angry at worst.

“I won’t listen to this anymore,” he said through gritted teeth and rose from the table. Not quickly enough, unfortunately - Nikki caught him by the sleeve and pulled him back onto the chair.

“Nobody’s asking your opinion, slave,” he grinned unpleasantly. “You stay here as long as I do.”

Vince bit his lip, a bitter retort lingering on his tongue. His snarky comebacks were the only revenge he still could enact, but if Nikki enjoyed them, he wouldn’t give him that pleasure. The problem was, his tongue was often quicker than his thought.

Nikki and Holmes, meanwhile, had finished their drinks and craved more.

“Hey! Waitress!” Nikki waved his hand in the air, but the waitress, who shortly before went into the back room, didn’t answer his call. “Where’s this bitch? Were she my employee, I’d already had her flogged. Vinnie, go fetch her.”

“You sure would,” Vince murmured under his breath.

“What did you just say?” Nikki inquired sharply.

“I said,” Vince raised his voice, rum stirring boldness inside him he’s been suppressing the whole day, “my legs won’t let me, remember?

“That’s definitely not what you said.”

“Maybe you misheard.” Vince smiled into Nikki’s frowning face. Holmes stifled a laugh.

Nikki narrowed his eyes, eyeing Vince for a while, counting pros and cons of lashing out. The cons seemed to have won, because he exhaled and leaned back onto his chair.

“Maybe I did,” he said with a one-sided smile. “Anyway, you heard me. Go fetch the waitress. And don’t you veer off somewhere I can’t see you.”

“If I fall down halfway, I deflect all the blame,” Vince dropped, rising from his chair. He didn’t catch Nikki’s reply – maybe he didn’t reply at all. This would have alarmed him were it not for the rum.

Vince staggered between the tables, leaning on chairs and sometimes on someone’s shoulders, eliciting angry cries from their owners, though the offence wasn’t considered serious enough to warrant use of force. He peered into the back room and found the waitress there, leaning onto the counter, staring at the wall with empty eyes. For some reason, a shiver went down his spine.

“Excuse me, miss,” he said into her back, “my… companions there would like a refill.”

She turned to him quickly, startled, and eyed him warily from head to toes. Then recognition appeared in her eyes.

“Of course,” she said, making an effort to smile. “What did they have?”

“Brandy and wine.”

“Very well. And you?”

“Nothing, thanks.”

“All right. Tell your companions I’ll be back in a moment.”

She disappeared behind a small door in the other corner of the room, probably leading to the cellar. Vince backed away a bit – look at me, Nikki, I’m behaving, I’m keeping in your sight – and leaned onto the counter. Being away from crude jokes and sleazy glances of the pirates felt nice-

A slap so strong landed on his ass that it rang throughout the entire pub. God, why couldn’t Nikki leave him alone just for a second…

“What’s a pretty lass like you doing in the place like this?“ leered some sailor, long-bearded, bald and reeking of cheap beer. When Vince turned to him, sporting his two-day stubble, his mouth fell open.

“You’re- you’re-“ the man didn’t get to finish, because Vince punched him right in the face. It was a vile thing to do – the fella just made a mistake, after all – but Vince was so wrought up from the constant mocking and taunting that this was the last straw.

Rum led his fist astray, the punch landing on the cheekbone instead of swiftly breaking the nose like it did in his good days. The sailor wavered on wobbly legs but kept his balance. His face flushed red with anger.

“You fucker!” he grunted, throwing a punch at Vince. Vince leapt back to dodge the hit, but his legs betrayed him at the worst moment possible – he’ll never drink this foul substance again, god damn it - and he had to clutch onto the counter to stay upright. The man used this moment of weakness to grab him by the collar of his shirt. The sound of fabric tearing reached Vince’s ears, although the collar held on so far. Mick would hardly lend him another shirt, a thought flashed through his mind.

Vince pulled the sailor’s beard as hard as he could. The man yelped in pain and planted a punch under his eye. Vince couldn’t dodge, his collar in an iron-like grip, and white exploded in front of his left eye, pain shooting through his skull. His head fell back, and the guy kicked him in the stomach, pushing the air out of his lungs.

His grip suddenly weakened, then released Vince entirely. He staggered back and would have fallen down if not for someone’s arms propping him up in the back. A mop of black hair flashed past his seeing eye, and then he heard the sailor’s nose crack.

“Hey, you all right?” he heard a familiar voice. It took him a few seconds to recognize that it was Holmes holding him by the shoulders. He didn’t answer - he was listening to the sailor’s pained cries as Nikki rammed his fists into his face until he was gurgling on his blood and spitting out his teeth. And when Nikki let go of the guy, letting him slide down the counter lifelessly onto the floor, and turned to Vince and Chris, his face was so distorted by rage Vince shuddered. The next second it smoothened out, but the vision stayed in front of Vince’s eyes for the rest of the night.

He grinned – no, bared his teeth, so much like a panther Vince almost expected him to growl – and, not sparing Vince another look, headed back to their table. From there they then heard a cry of a poor bastard that wanted to steal their chairs. The crew cheered and raised their mugs for a toast.

The bald sailor lay on the floor bloodied and beaten, his face a single enormous bruise, his chest rising and falling heavily. The bartender looked him over with a frown, then called his errand boys (probably his sons – same heavy jaw, same droopy eyes) and they promptly grabbed a leg each and dragged the sailor out.

On wobbly legs Vince returned to their table and sank onto the chair, avoiding looking at Nikki. The captain sat there sipping wine – the waitress must have brought it during the fight - with an indifferent expression, but Vince could see he was pleased as a cat that snatched a fish off a table.

“He almost knocked you out,” he taunted. “D’ya ever think before fighting a fella twice your weight?”

“I could handle him just fine,” Vince murmured and pressed the cold rum bottle to his throbbing eye. The pain lessened somewhat. “You didn’t even give me a chance.”

“Because he would have kicked your ass,” Nikki dismissed him confidently. “And I ain’t gonna drag your body to the ship on my back. I saved your ass, and this is what I get! And then you act all offended that I’m so harsh with you. Your manners leave a lot to be desired.”

“Vinnie, it’s clear he’s expecting a thank you kiss,” Holmes laughed. “Or maybe something more upon your return. Look at that face - not a single pristine thought behind these eyes.”

Nikki snickered shamelessly. Vince felt sick to the stomach.

“I have to visit the latrine,” he murmured, dropped the bottle onto the table, got up and stumbled to the door, holding onto the tables on his way. His mind was crystal clear, but his body was still under the influence of the spirit, although less so after the beating- fight, he meant fight. He expected Nikki to follow him, but he only followed him with his eyes – Vince could feel it burn holes in his back.

There was a barrel with water outside, next to the door. Vince drank from it hungrily, then washed his face. The water dripping back into the barrel was pink. Vince carefully examined the damage with the tips of his fingers. His nose wasn’t broken, and his eye could still see, although it was hard to open because the skin around it began to swell. There’ll be an ugly bruise for a while, but no permanent damage, hopefully.

He looked around, but people in this part of the street were few and far between – everybody who wanted to go to the pub already got there. The latrine – a wooden outhouse with a smell so malodorous Vince had to convince himself to breathe around it – looked exceptionally uninviting. Vince decided he would rather take a leak onto the bar wall in front of the whole street, which he promptly did. Judging by the typical stains on the walls, he was far from being the only one to resolve so. Unexpectedly, he remembered his governess, a woman of great knowledge and manners and little to no sense of humor. She probably would faint were she to see him right now: dressed in a torn shirt with bloodstains on it and dirty breeches, barefoot and collared, hair loose and disheveled, face cut and bruised, pissing on a wall outside a port bar. Here, though, nobody spared him more than a passing glance: he matched the surroundings really well.

And if he just walked away, nobody would spare him a second thought as well.

Vince pulled his breeches up, buttoned them with trembling fingers, washed his hands in the barrel, wiped them on his shirt, looked around sneakily and darted into a dark alley behind the bar.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #vinikki #motley crue #pirate au #motley crue fanfiction #yknow i. really feel better now. with the meds and all.#i have more energy and spring is coming which means the seasonal part of my depression is off for now #but idk how it will affect this fic. i used to write it to express my anguish through it. now i have little to no of it left #i still have like 16k of unedited writing in my document so maybe that will tide you over until next fall #but i also itch to write something original. so maybe i'll be doing that #in darkness shall you be reborn

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