#this took me 4 hours of grinding nonstop

[snazzyturtles]

“Backseat Lover”

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4

tsukishima x f!reader, nsfw, mdni

you and tsukishima have hated each other since the minute you moved into the house across the street from his. but when his car breaks down on the ride home, and you're stuck with him for the night, things are bound to happen

wc: 5 k

tw: enemies to lovers, car fucking, grinding, semi-public sex, unprotected, creampie, biting, marking, pet names (pipsqueak, shortie, baby), tsukki & reader are lowkey both tsunderes so prepare for smack talk

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

"sup pipsqueak-" tsukishima whispered in your ear as you opened your locker. you snapped your head around to look at him, yamaguchi snickering close behind him. you narrowed your eyes and rolled them.

"you do realize that it's pretty narcissistic to call anyone that's a centimeter shorter than you a pipsqueak, right beanpole?”

he chuckled a bit and leaned in closer. "pipsqueak" he whispered once more.

you grabbed your books from your locker, swinging and hitting him in the chest with it before turning around. "shut up kei~" you yelled over your shoulder as you walked away.

his eyes went wide, his back hitting the locker door he was pushed against. yamaguchi was bent over laughing at your actions as tsukishima simply stared at your back as you left, his breath catching. he didn't think you could hit that hard. "so the pipsqueak is still feisty…” 

“i like feisty…” he whispered under his breath.

you and tsukishima had been like this ever since you moved into the house across the street from his in middle school. it was your final year in high school, and yet your dynamic had still never changed. you don't think you'll ever understand why he acted this way, picking on you nonstop, but you weren't someone who took that treatment. getting multiple classes with him and his friends this year definitely didn't help though, it only made you two have to see each other even more often.

he pushed himself off the locker and ran after you. ”hey, pipsqueak. you know i got my driver's license right?" he said smugly as he walked up to you.

you glanced in his direction with your eyebrow raised. "oh really? and that matters to me because…?”

"i don't know, pipsqueak, maybe because now you don't have to walk all the way home from school anymore? no wonder you’re still in shape, you have to cover a lot of ground.” he smirked at you.

you stared at him in silence for a bit, before sighing and looking away “...okay fine. whatever.”

"you actually want a ride?" tsukki’s smirk grew, “aweee, are you finally letting go of your pride and ego, pipsqueak?" he poked your cheeks, chuckling at you.

you rolled my eyes at him. "no, it's just probably going to be easier than walking home… i wanna give my legs a break.”

“awe, lazy little pipsqueak-“ he leaned down and spoke at you with a baby voice, before smirking and standing back up, looming over you. "but if you are thinking you're going to be sitting in the front, you’re wrong. the front seats are for big kids, and i don’t want to hear your smart mouth." he smirked at you.

you stared at him with furrowed brows, obviously upset and growing more annoyed as the conversation progressed. "are you serious? i'm already going to have to wait until after you finish volleyball practice, i think i deserve front seat rights.”

"nah, i'm the one doing you the favor. back seat or walk, pipsqueak~”

“…ugh fine! whatever. let's just… get to class and... figure this out later.” you mumbled under your breath, turning your head.

"hehe, shortie’s finally becoming submissive, as she should be. i knew it’d happen one day." he smirked at you and ruffled your hair as you entered the classroom. rolling your eyes, you sat down at your desk, looking away from him.

—————

you sat through the final two classes of the day, collecting your things and heading to the library. you wanted to stay as far away from him for as long as you possibly could, but when the hour passed and the library closed, you were required to go to the gym and watch tsukishima's volleyball practice.

you knew he played, seeing him occasionally play with his brother or friends in the neighborhood, but you had never actually seen him in action. he looked…. hot.

the sweat was dripping off his body, muscles flexing and panting hard as he practiced. his t-shirt was tight, sticking to his skin, and you could practically count his abs from where you sat. you had never noticed his physique, and while he was still just about as skinny as he was when you first met him, he had definitely buffed up over the years. you kept having to look down at your phone to act like you weren't staring at him, but it was definitely obvious to the boys in the gym- especially tsukishima.

he could feel your eyes, watching every move he’d make, every play he did, every dive he made. after practice ended for the night, he turned and looked at you for a moment, smiling and winked at you as he went to the showers.

his wink made you freeze, eyes glued to his back as he walked away and out of the room. did he notice you staring?

he soon came out of the locker room after a quick shower and changing into different clothes, walking towards the parking lot with you trailing after him and his long strides. once you got to the car, he opened up the door to the back seat, snickering as you rolled your eyes and threw your bag in the back, sliding in after it. he slammed the door shut, turning to open his and sit in the front. starting the engine, he looked back at you with a smirk, "tired pipsqueak?"

you looked at him with a dead stare and shook your head.

"no." you said, putting your headphones on as he backed the car out of its parking spot.

you sat in silence for a few minutes, and he couldn't stop himself from chuckling at the way you were acting. he could hear you muttering the words to the song you were listening to under your breath. "you know i can still hear you, right pipsqueak?” he spoke up louder, smiling at you through the rearview mirror.

you were staring out of the window, trying your best to ignore him as he drove out of the parking lot and got on the road that led to your side of town. it was late, and you were too tired and annoyed to deal with his teasing or even bother to give any back anymore. The car became silent once he realized you weren't going to interact with him, and he decided to just stare forward at the road he was driving on while you watched the dark scenery passing as you moved through the mountainside on your way home.

suddenly, the car jolted, making you lurch forward in your seat and hit the back of his as the car abruptly came to a stop.

“k-kei? what just happened?”

"hm?" his eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at you through the rearview mirror, cursing under his breath. "damn this car is old. it must be the alternator- pipsqueak, can you come and check with me?” he yelled over his shoulder as he got out of the car and headed towards the front.

your eyes were blown wide as you followed him out of the car, circling to open the hood. when tsukishima opened it, smoke began to come out.

"yeah, i think the car's dead... here let me call-“ when you looked down to turn your phone on, you noticed it wasn't turning on whenever you’d hit the on button. the battery had run out- your phone was dead.

"uh oh…"

he just sighed, closing the hood again with an obviously frustrated slam. that car was ancient, a hand-me-down from his older brother when he got a new one. he should've known this would happen sooner than later.

"well, shit. we’re gonna have to wait until someone passes by on this road to help, or walk to the house. you want me to carry you on my back?”

your eyes blew wide at his suggestion, not expecting him to volunteer to carry you like that. “i-let’s just wait for someone to come by… another car has to drive past at some point tonight, right?” you sat back down in the backseat as tsukishima stood with his back pressed against the side of the car. you were stuck.

"damn, why did this have to happen to us?” you buried your face in your hands.

his foot was tapping against the road from the state of stress that was shared between the two of you. you already looked so tired and upset, and it made him feel more agitated. "relax pipsqueak, i'm sure someone will pass by… we just have to be patient.” he sank to his knees and sat against the car, letting out a long sigh.

you groaned, flinging your head back against the seat to look out the sunroof. “ughhhh.”

"our luck, nobody's going to pass by until tomorrow morning. let's face it, nobody drives around this part of town this late at night. we're stuck kei.”

he looked up towards you, and then stared out into the road that stood ahead. you were probably right. "maybe we should just sleep then. i have a blanket in the trunk, it gets cold around this part of town at night so we’ll probably need it…” 

“you can sleep on my lap if you want" he smirked up at you in addition to his side comment, taking you by surprise from his forwardness.

your face started burning bright red. ”y-yeah, i guess you're right.” you looked at the front of the car, before turning to look back at him as he stood up again. “i’ll probably have to do that though, you're so tall that i don't think the front seat will be very comfortable…”

tsukishima chuckled as he went to open the trunk and picked up a small blanket. he walked back towards you and handed you the blanket, smirking again. “you’ll have to be the little spoon today, shortie.”

he picked you up and placed you against himself, his chest pressing into your back and the small blanket laid on top of your waists. the feeling was awkward, and you lay there in silence as you stared at the back of the front seat. you rotated your head slightly to look back at him, whispering, ”h-hey kei? can i ask you a question?”

he looked down at you, and his hand began to play with the ends of your hair. "sure, pipsqueak. you can ask me anything." he murmured in a grumbly voice. when his hands started touching your hair, you froze, suddenly unable to think.

"why are you so mean to me, and then act like… this, sometimes? it… it's confusing..”

he stared at you, implying that this was not a question he was prepared for. he kept playing with your hair as he stayed silent, thinking. the silence was definitely awkward, and he could see how uncomfortable you were becoming. he decided to be honest with you, not wanting to lie to you anymore.

"i don't really know. your voice, your face, your personality, everything about you has always been just so annoying, but i think i’ve slowly begun liking you, i guess? i don't know if that makes sense.”

you slowly shifted your body weight to the other side, turning over to look into his eyes. you were face to face, close enough that you could feel his breath ghosting your nose as you looked up. "w-wait... what? you... you... like me?”

you were so close that he could smell the leftover scent of your strawberry shampoo in your hair, making his heart beat faster and have to hold back a moan. he looked into your eyes, your facial expression looking so cute for once. "i think i do pipsqueak." 

he looked scared of his own words, that his feelings might ruin the relationship you shared. years of holding the idea of mutual hate and irritation, suddenly turning into love confessions in a cramped car seat. you stared at each other in silence for a minute, unsure of what to do, before tsukishima shifted and began to lean his head down and forward towards yours.

he leaned in closer and closer to you, and you could feel his warm breath right next to your lips. "pipsqueak~" he whispered, just before your lips met.

his lips were soft, and he kissed you kindly as his hand snaked around to hold the back of your head closer to him. he was being gentle with you for what felt like the first time, his mouth almost teasing yours from how light he was being. it took your breath away- you would've never thought you’d be doing this with him. when the kiss finally broke, you sat there, panting and staring into his eyes. he was still blushing, and just looking at you made his body tremble.

"that was... uh…” he looked at you with his eyes darting around in uncertainty. he just kissed you, and neither of you could believe what just happened. “uhhm… pipsqueak? can i kiss you again?”

you were shaking, your breaths coming out short and heavy. you definitely didn't expect that. "y-yes kei" you whispered. he leaned closer to kiss you once again, wrapping his arms around you so he could hold you even more closely. 

"god i want you, pipsqueak.” he whispered in your ear while moving to kiss your cheek. you whimpered at his words, eyes squeezing shut. it made you blush- you weren't expecting him to say that.

he suddenly sat up, pulling you up onto his lap as he began to kiss you again, more passionately. faster. harder.

after the first two kisses, he definitely wanted more. he wanted you to be his, and only his. ”i think i might love you, pipsqueak.” he murmured under his breath. your breath caught at his words. love? kei tsukishima loved you? a moan left your throat as he continued to kiss you, your mind and thoughts blurred by all of this.

you both didn't want your lips to stop touching,  feeling like you could finally be happy for once by just kissing each other. your lips were his heaven. he began feeling your body and running his hands through your hair as he started to kiss and nibble you on the neck. "baby, i want you so bad~" he whispered in your ear.

a long whine escaped your mouth as you felt his teeth tug at the skin on your neck, his hands beginning to trail under the back of your shirt. “w-w-want you too kei" you breathed out.

he let out a small exhale at your words, smirking to himself. his hand began to explore your body more, feeling the curves and bumps of your soft, sexy skin. he wanted to be with you right there, and he wanted you to be his. "you are so soft, pipsqueak-" he whispered as he kept kissing and licking at your neck.

your neck was so sensitive, more sensitive than you thought it could be. his actions were making you go crazy, and his hands touching you at the same time as his mouth was almost too much. the noises you were making were loud and constant. your hands began to trail from his shoulders down too, trying to trace his abs through his shirt.

his lips kept moving further down your neck, leaving hickeys as he kissed your neck like a starved man. "pipsqueak-" he whispered seductively into your ear, as if the nickname was now a dirty word.

you moaned loudly when you heard him say that, your head rolling back, exposing your neck even further. his hands lowered to your ass, gripping it and lifting you slightly to pull you closer to him. your chests were now touching, and you could practically feel all of him. your legs were on either side of his, pressed against each other so close you could feel the other’s breaths and small shivers. you could feel his body heat as you became closer and closer to him; your hips, your waist, your legs, all pushed against his.

he leaned in closer to kiss your neck, trailing his tongue from your ear along your jaw, tickling your throat. he could finally feel you, everything. you were one. his hands slowly tightened around to your hips, grabbing them and starting to pull them back and forth, aiding you in grinding atop him. the feeling made you whine even louder.

“p-pipsqueak..! o-oh my god..." his jaw dropped and his cheeks turned bright red when he began to feel your movements. his heart was racing as he tried to keep himself from making noises, but he couldn't help it. he was surprised that you continued grinding on him, but then again, he wanted this too- he wanted you. his body was becoming sensitive, reacting to your touches and movements. he continued to kiss your neck, slowly moving his tongue up the open skin as he felt your warm friction.

it felt so good, you felt closer to him than you could have imagined you’d ever be. your uniform skirt didn't leave much fabric between the two of you, just his pants and your small panties rubbing against him. "k-kei...aH" your voice caught when you felt his arousal poking you, at the same time as him biting your collarbone.

"p-pipsqueak, i have to..." he couldn't finish that sentence, he was becoming too sensitive to keep his cool. his hands were shaking, as he struggled to take off your skirt. his fingers found the buttons, quickly removing them and throwing your skirt into the seat next to you. he ran his hands under your shirt, warm fingers brushing against your skin as he began pulling your shirt and bra up and over your head at once. the air was cold, and your breathing was heavy as you sat atop him in only your panties.

"k-kei... please…”

it was hot now, and he was still wearing both his shirt and pants, the fabric now rubbing against your bare skin. you began to touch all over his body eagerly searching for more contact. you were so close to each other, your body on his, your legs wrapped around his waist, and he began to let his hands wander around your soft, smooth skin.

"baby... i want you so bad… i can't wait anymore.” he whispered in your ear as he started to kiss your body all over, his lips finding every inch of your skin as his fingers started to explore as well. he was sucking hard against whatever skin he could reach from his position, wanting to mark you, claim you.

your moans and whining became louder as his lips and hands went to places they hadn't touched before. you tugged at his uniform top, trying to quickly unbutton and take it off of him. you wanted to see him more, make it even between the two of you. he made a loud noise when you touched a sensitive spot, mumbling something about volleyball bruises, before gripping your hands and taking control. he wanted more, he needed more.

tsukishima quickly threw the rest of his shirt off and snaked his hand up from your thighs to your hips as he lifted you with one of his arms, the other reaching underneath himself to yank his pants down to his knees. placing you back down on his lap, where underwear was the only barrier that protected you from touching each other, making you whine louder and his eyes roll back once he felt your heat.

his heart started beating super fast, and he was sweating lightly in his anticipation. he could feel you, your thighs, your hips, your breath, everything. when you shifted your weight to lean in and kiss him again, it pressed his clothed cock against the wet spot in your panties, making him groan loud and shiver. god, you were his. he took off his boxers, making him more vulnerable to you. you were one, and you were more than just friends now.

he stared into your eyes as he slowly reached towards you, lifting you again, pulling your panties to the side, and lowering you down on his cock. the moan that left your mouth was deafening, and made his eyes roll back. you were lightly panting as you tried to slowly sink onto him, your eyes squeezed shut. “i should have known how long you’d be, considering how lanky you are.”

“shut up.” he grunted, bucking his hips as almost a punishment for your response, slamming balls deep into you. your mouth hung open and your head flung back, looking like you wanted to scream but couldn't. your expression turned him on even more, and he grabbed your hips, aiding them in moving on him.

you felt him slowly, gently, moving you up and down, your legs and arms wrapped around him like he was your safe place. his eyes were locked into yours, his hands holding you around him as if all he wanted was to keep you close to him, keep feeling you. your grip around his chest was practically choking him, your gummy walls squeezing and milking his cock. your breath was shaking and your legs were quivering as you started moving. “fuck! you’re so tight, baby.”

you wouldn't have believed it if you told yourself a few hours ago that you’d be doing this with tsukishima kei, fucking him in the back of a car on the side of the road, but here you were. enjoying all of it, whining and moaning at the top of your lungs for him.

”k-k-kei..." you couldn't form full sentences as your hips rocked back and forth against his.

your hearts were exploding as you moved. your body against his, it would be a sin not to enjoy it. he was feeling you all over with his large calloused hands, slowly and gently exploring you. he kept you close to him by holding your hips tight, nibbling at your neck and jaw. you were his lover now, and the world outside the car didn't exist. only the two of you, only intense pleasure.

you were mewling, it felt so good. his hands trailing your skin made goosebumps form and you shivered under his touch. "kei i-i.." a groan left your throat as you felt his cock bump your sweet spot.

hearing your moans, he couldn't keep his cool anymore. he felt like he was losing himself and that he was going completely insane from your touch. he began moaning and whispering praise into your ear, coaxing you to continue even more. "pipsqueak, please... don't stop."

you started moving quicker, bouncing up and down on his lap while your mouths were glued to each other. your stomach was beginning to feel twisted, and you couldn't help it when your whines got more constant. his body was twitching with every sensation that was made, and he had lost all his patience. he didn't want it to end, he wanted the night to go on forever. 

he was sweating heavily even though it was cold inside the car. he felt crazy, insane, like he had lost every feeling of logic in his head, and it was all about you and him. his moans were becoming louder now, the sound of leather squeaking against hot skin amplified each time you moved.

"k-kei? i-i'm close" you whispered out. your legs were squeezing even tighter around his hips as you moved, almost like a warning.

he felt you, and your words made his heart stop. "baby... can i..." he looked at you, begging you for permission. "can i…” he whispered.

you nodded your head furiously, panting and looking into his eyes. ”yes... please.”

tsukishima felt like he was going to blow up, and he was begging you silently to just do it. his body was shaking so hard because of what you were doing to him. even though he was trying not to, he looked so desperate, staring into your eyes as you were riding him harder and harder. "baby, i'm all yours”

you felt him buck his hips, his cock ramming up and hitting that deep spot inside you that had you seeing stars, and that was the final thing to make you explode. you tensed up, practically screaming your whines out as your body shook around him, gripping his shoulders so hard you were sure your nails would leave indentations in the morning.

he was barely controlling himself, whimpering your name over and over again just hoping you were enjoying him as he was enjoying you. the look on your face, the way your eyes were squeezed shut, your voice mewling, your cunt squeezing and fluttering around his cock. everything about you was making him lose control. he closed his eyes and moaned loudly through gritted teeth. "ohhh my god baby… fuckkk…”

you felt him tense up, and his cock began twitching inside you as he came, a warmth spreading through your core. you looked up at him, both of you panting heavily as you leaned up to kiss him again.

the sounds of the two of you breathing mixed together, almost synchronized. he was panting heavily, but he continued to kiss and hug you like he couldn't get enough of you. when your mouths finally split, you started to lift yourself from his lap so you could sit on the seat next to him, only to feel his warm cum begin to drip out of your pussy once you began to move. you stopped, looking down, and shaking as a moan left your mouth at the feeling.

"pipsqueak, i, uhm, was that..." he looked a little bit scared, staying silent for once, waiting for your response and wanting to help you as much as possible, he didn't want anything bad to happen to you.

you nodded slowly, chuckling at his reaction. "it's you kei…” you looked back up at him, “-it’s okay, thank you.”

tsukishima stayed silent, still trying to process what happened. "thank you too, baby." he whispered to you. his face was still flushed, but he was starting to calm down. "are you okay? i didn't hurt you, did i?”

you looked into his eyes, smiling. ”i'm alright kei..." you giggled, "you've hit me with a volleyball before, many times. don’t worry about pain.” he smiled at you, he was glad you were okay. the conversation felt flat, almost nervous, but it was still sweet.

"yeah, that makes sense." he laughed gently. you shuffled off of his legs, sitting next to him in the backseat. the air between you two was awkward now, with the only sounds cutting the silence being the sounds of nature outside the car and the heavy breaths you were still making. "so what are we gonna do now?" he whispered, staring up at the night sky through the sunroof.

the stars above you were beautiful, the wind felt soft and peaceful. you looked up, watching the view above you as you tried to think about what just happened. “...don't really know to be honest…”

you took a breath and swallowed. "i mean, we could go back to acting like we hate each other, pretending this never happened…” you paused, glancing over to his face, then whispered, “...or do you want to do something else about it?”

"mmm, i don't think we can just forget about this..." 

suddenly, a smirk crossed his face and he began to laugh a little under his breath.

"okay, i have to admit, the first time i met you, i thought you were gross and a pipsqueak, and i didn't expect that i would ever be in a situation like this with you. it's insane... but, i want to be with you now, i want to be your lover. can i be your lover? can i make you fall in love with me?" he asked with a soft voice.

you smiled, turning your head to look at him. "i have to be honest, i thought the same way about you. you were always cold and bitchy towards me from the start, and i didn't know why, so i had just decided to return that back towards you... and now? i don't think i can do that anymore.” your reached up, brushing some of his fallen, sweaty hair away from his brow. "i think i might like that though.”

tsukishima took your hand in his and softly smiled. he wasn't the same guy you knew, he was different now, he was vulnerable. he whispered to you. "i never want to be away from you, i want to share everything with you. i’ll be your lover. i'm yours now.”

a soft smile spread as you nodded, leaning up to press a small kiss on the tip of his nose. his whole body was filled with butterflies and he was blushing hard at your response. "pipsqueak, you are adorable." he leaned into you again, resting his head on top of yours, burying his face in your hair. "can we stay here for the rest of the night? just the two of us?" he mumbled, sighing, "don't wanna leave.”

you nodded, shuffling to be closer with him, curling your body to press with his. you grabbed at the small blanket that had long since fallen to the floor and draped it over your bare bodies cuddled next to each other. you knew that in the morning, things would be different. things would change. and you couldn't determine if that would be a good or bad thing, but at that moment, it was just you two, in your own little world of the backseat. you fell asleep with his warm arms wrapped around you, your face tucked into his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breaths as you drifted off, not waking until the sun rose the next morning.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

a/n: the fic was named after a song they play nonstop where i work & it lowkey matched the fic a lot lol, if you wanna listen to it as a prerequisite it's "back seat lover" by mayer hawthorne :)

tag list, comment to be added ^-^

@tsukiran , @msbyomimi , @sun-yo , @leenmizeke , @kei-tsuki21 , @hissy-fit18 , @totallynoanalien , @riiceandsoup , @ks-tsukki , @qyiyiqng , @yuri-2004 , @c1nn-amon , @em-writes-posts , @longhairandnormalhairtsukkisimp , @goryki , @blackreadersalty , @dinotittes , @utaralita-blog

if your username is bolded, your blog isn’t showing up for me to tag! i’m sorry!

#bksl🌖 #grace writes ✍🏻 #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x reader #tsukki smut #tsukishima smut #tsukishima x y/n #hq smut #hq fanfic #hq x reader #hq #hq x you #hq tsukishima #hq tsukki #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu smut #haikyuu fic #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyu smut #tsukki x reader #haikyuu tsukishima #haikyuu tsukki #tw.creampie #tw.public sex #tw.smut

[incorrectbatfam]

Finals Season

Batfamily Week 2023 day 6: Body Swap | Hugs | “You owe me big time.”

Summary

Steph and Cass switch bodies.

Any other time, this wouldn’t be a big deal. They’d lay low while they figure it out like they always do.

This isn’t any other time, though.

It’s finals season.

Everyone had a thing. 

Some cooked. Others composed music or made scientific breakthroughs. Dick swung from chandeliers. Damian drew pets napping in sunbeams. Jason quotes Jane Austen in the mirror. Tim took photos and Duke wrote stories about them. Bruce was Dad. 

Cass fought. That was her thing, as decided before she was born. Running along rooftops, swinging through the city, and giving enemies a taste of her batarangs. She stopped bad people from doing their things. It’s fast, it’s nonstop battles where she barely got a breather between the rushes of adrenaline. 

Steph had a lot of things—purple, breakfast food, randomly breaking into song. But right now, her big thing was school. 

School wasn’t Cass’s thing. David Cain deprived her of anything that would help her remotely succeed in it, and even though the Wayne family helped her recover some of those abilities, she couldn’t compete with the way Steph grinded through college on top of her other responsibilities. 

But now, Cass had no choice. It had to be. 

(Long story short: magic villain, the usual ordeal. They gave their case to Dick and Jason because of it.)

Steph (in Cass’s body) paced around her apartment panicking on the phone while Cass (in Steph’s body) tried to decipher the hieroglyphic study guide. This test was supposed to be about humans. Why were there pictures of dogs and rats?

“Harper, I’m telling you, there’s nothing left to do but wait,” Steph said from the other room. “The Batcomputer already ran a full analysis—twice. It should wear off in forty-eight hours, which isn’t enough time to make my final.” 

Cass turned back to the study guide and squinted. 

How was this guy’s name pronounced? Fred? Frude? According to this, he was the first person to analyze psychos. 

“I called the office, but they said the last day to reschedule was two weeks ago. How does that even make sense? What if I came down with salmonella the night before?” Steph sighed. “I’ll probably just spam the dean's email again. It worked for my student loans.” 

She hung up and flopped onto the couch next to Cass. “You already know the bad news.”

Cass nodded. 

“I can’t afford to fail this test,” she groaned. “It’s a required class and it’s supposed to be the easiest.” 

Cass looked at the guide. It still didn’t make sense. But then she looked at Steph, head in her hands mumbling to herself. 

“I can take it.”

“No, you can’t.”

“When’s the test?”

Steph pulled the syllabus out of her backpack. “Noon, day after tomorrow.”

Cass counted on her fingers. “That’s thirty-six hours.”

Steph looked at her incredulously. “You want to cram a whole semester of Intro Psych in a day and a half?”

She shrugged. “I can try. If you don’t take it, you fail. If I take it, you might fail less.” 

Steph bit her lip. “It’s better than nothing.”

Cass beamed. “Where do we start?”

.

.

.

Read the rest on Ao3

@batfamilyweek

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5

#batfamweek2023 #cassandra cain #orphan #stephanie brown #spoiler #harper row #bluebird #cullen row #bruce wayne #batman #batfamily #batfam #batgirls #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #dc comics #dc fanfic #fandom event #fanfiction

[noyasboxdye]

Character: Kenma K. Header creds: @leekn6w​ Song: I’m loving your vibe by Xavier Goodman !!WARNINGS!!: College/University AU, Smoking/Drug Usage, Male! Reader Title: Cute Party boy

You had been sitting in the corner of someone's house deciding to finally give up on finding your friends knowing that they had probably already found some random guy to hook up with. Looking around and watching the drunk young adults grind, sing, dance, scream and drink the night away you finally had enough of sitting there, you stood up from your seat walking into the kitchen and looking at the several different arrangements of drinks noticing they had fireball, whiskey, tequila, gin, brandy, and several other things in one section then having the beer in another.

Not wanting anything to hard and hating beer you went for the fruit punch pouring your cup 3/4 of the way and walking up the stairs making the decision not to open any closed doors knowing that one or several of your friends could be in that room doing things you didn't want to vision your friends doing right now. Noticing a slightly open door, seeing smoke continuously flowing out of the room as people go in and out some alone some with friends or partners.

Finally concluding that you didn't have anything to do and you were tired of being so sober you walked into the room the aroma of weed and what you think is vanilla and strawberry flavored juul pods. Sitting down on the couch near a window, trying to stay your farthest from the two men you were on the couch next to.

Pulling out your pod and taking a longer hit then you would usually and exhaling taking note to the pudding head and black haired male next to him who had been taking glances and staring on and off for about 20 minutes now. Taking your phone out trying to figure out why your phone had been vibrating in your back pocket continuously for a few minutes now. Rolling your eye seeing that your mother had been calling you and texting you nonstop making sure you were studying for your tests that weren't happening till like 3 months.

Texting your mother and telling her that you've been studying all week and its 10pm on a Saturday and you had been cramming for the past week and a half with barely any breaks. Turning your phone off whilst rolling your eyes. Noticing that the two boys across from you were still continuing to stare at you, you stared back at the two hoping that it would make them stop.

Them finally stopping you go on your phone texting your friends once more as an attempt to check on them even though you knew that at least two of them were together. "Hey..." the bed head said. "Uhm- hi." you said not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now. "I know we've been staring at you for a while now and sorry for that, but my friend said your beautiful/handsome and he would love it if you gave him his number." he said with a slight smirk on his face. "Well I mean sure but only if he comes over and asks himself." you say looking at the bi haired colored boy.

"Okay- wait sorry hold on." hurriedly getting up from the old beaten up couch with a smile on his face walking back over the his friend and whispering in his ear while pointing at you, the shorter boy blushes with a smile on his face getting up from his chair and awkwardly shuffling over to you. Sitting next to you and smiling the blush on his cheeks becoming more prominent.

"Hey... sorry about my friend. I told him to leave you alone, but he didn't listen." he said rubbing the back of his neck. "It's fine... so what's your name." you said as you took a hit from your juul "My names Kenma. What's yours?" he said finally starting to seem a little bit comfortable with you. "(M/N)" you said holding your hand out to shake his hand a warm smile coming across your face as you feel his skin contact yours.

"Your pretty to by the way." you say moving your phone out of your back pocket not liking the feeling of your mother blowing up your phone against your butt cheek. "What-?" Kenma said look up at you with wide eyes. "Your friend told me you thought I was pretty/handsome, so I said your pretty." You said smiling. "Oh ah- thanks." he said with a slight chuckle tucking some stray strands of hair behind his ear frowning slightly.

"You going to ask for my number or do I have to." you said smirking slightly in a more teasing/sensual tone, the smirk becoming wider and more prominent when that heavy blush that dusted his cheeks earlier dusted them once again. "You look like a strawberry again Kenma." you state teasing him once again and making his blush deeper. "So- uhm can I have your number... then." he says pointing at the phone on your thigh.

"Yeah sure give me your phone right quick" he says giggling a bit at how shy he was. "Yeah sure- here..." he says practically glowing and shaking a little from excitement. "Uh I called my number so your number should be in my phone now, and my contact name is my name. I didn't know what you wanted it as, so I put it as that." you said handing him his phone back and half way making sure he noticed. "Okay thanks I'll call you tonight to make sure you get home- if that's okay with you."

"Yeah it's fine with me. And I'll do the same if I leave before you." you said your voice lowering slightly as you start to become calmer and more comfortable around him. "Okay cool. You want a drink-" he says not knowing what to do now his mind creating an awkward atmosphere that wasn't even there. "Yeah sure. They didn't have anything good though which is why I got juice before." you said warning him that nothing good would be in the downstairs kitchen.

"Yeah I got mostly juice too. My friend wanted me to get a little tipsy so he wasn't drunk alone." he said you both walking down stairs as Kenma texts Kuroo letting him know where he was going so he would leave without him, it happened once and he'll never allow it to happen ever again. "Kool-Aid or Hawaiian punch?" you said as you chose something from the fridge. "Kool-Aid... duh." Kenma said laughing a bit.

"Which flavor?" you say. "Purple and red." answered checking his phone. "You like purple! I love purple too everyone I meet hates purple." you say a childlike grin on your face. (Yes, ur getting excited over Kool-Aid. The purple flavor deserves more hype!!) "Kenma!" the boy from earlier said hurriedly walking over to you both. "Yes kuroo." he said drinking out of his cup, you laughing a bit noticing he drinks like a 1st grader after they just got done playing outside.

"It's almost 3 we got to go. You have class at like 8 and my class is an hour before yours so let's go." Kuroo said ready to drag him away. "Well I have to go I have a pretty early class tomorrow, but I'll be sure to call you." he said making sure he had everything he originally came with in his pockets. "Yeah sure bye Kenma and..." pausing waiting for Kuroo to tell you his name again. "Oh! Kuroo my names Kuroo."

"And Kuroo. We'll talk later 'mkay?" you said smiling at Kuroo then going to look back at Kenma. "Yeah sure I'll probably text you first by the way." he said him and Kuroo grabbing each other's hands and saying bye. Checking the time, the realization finally settling in that your friends were still missing, and it was almost 3 in the morning.

'Jesus fucking christ where the hell are these fuckers' you think to yourself storming back up the steps your patients being thin to none. 'On my mommy if these hoes fucking somebody I'm leaving' putting your ear up to at least 4 different doors before you finally found them, seeing one friend passed out in the bathroom and the others scattered around the room.

"My god what did you guys get yourselves into" you said finally feeling the exhaustion that you were suppressing throughout the past two weeks. "Ty's sick and vomiting it's guts out in the bathroom, Isaiah's knocked he's been like that for about an hour now, and Alex was crying but ink's now under the desk over there... and I didn't drink a lot so I'm fine." your friend said you trying to find Alex.

"Ok well its... 5 minutes away from being 4 am.", "Okay..."

**Timeskip**

After taking everyone home and making sure they got in bed safely you and your friend Malik both shared an uber back to both of your houses. Finally reaching the comfort of your room you go to your connected bathroom and start getting ready for the night. Taking a shower, doing your skin care, getting a snack while putting on your show starting to finally calm down.

Finally finishing your food getting up to brush your teeth and going back to your room pressing play to your show again. Turing on your night light and finally laying down. Jumping slightly when you hear you phone go off completely forgetting about it. Turning over to your nightstand to get your phone. Confused when an unknown number shows up on your phone.

In your messages

Unknown: Hey this (M/N) right?

You: Who's this .-.

Unknown: It's Kenma we met at the party... remember?

You: Oh yeah, it's (M/N)

You: Hey Kenma

Cute party boy: Hey (M/N)

Cute party boy: hru?

You: I'm doing good hbu?

Cute party boy: I'm doing good :)

Cute party boy: srry for texting u so late btw I just wanted to do it now, so I didn't forget lol.

You: No worries you're fine :)

Cute party boy: Alr good.

Cute party boy: did you make it home ok or are you still at the party?

You: no I ended up finding my friends after you left so I'm home now.

You: hbu?

Cute party boy: yeah I made it home fine lol

Cute party boy: Did you want to hang out again?

You: yh sure when

Cute party boy: are you busy on Sundays?

You: no Sundays are usually free for me

Cute party boy: you wanna hang out tomorrow

You: yh tht works lol

Cute party boy: mk well i gtg im tired so goodnight :D

You: yh same goodnight sweet dreams and sleep well

Cute party boy: you too sweet dreams and sleep well

After saying your goodbyes to Kenma you put your phone back on the dresser watching a few episodes of your show, finally slipping off into peaceful sleep.

#noyas.works #kenma kuzome #kenma x male reader #post timeskip #kenma fluff #haikyu fluff #hq fluff #fluff #haikyuu!! #hq #kenma x reader #kenma x y/n #kenma x you

[homeinchaldea]

Took me 4 silver apples and nonstop hours to grind, but I finally finished LB3 in main acc

Finally I can sit back for LB4.

I have to say, I enjoy the story a lot, especially it’s introspection about politics, philosophy, and what it means to be a human. The tone of the story kinda felt right, the comedic scenes are funny (especially the Tank scene and Chen Gong + Red Hare’s antics) and the emotional ones felt well done (the scenes between Xiang Yu and Yu Mei-ren). I know the Urobuchi is Spartacus real creator, but I enjoy how the author fleshes the character into a rebel with layers of depth.

I like that fact that QSH is a fully realised character, being blindsided by their limited view of humanity while able to learn and adapt from new situations. There’s also the fact that they do deal with Chaldea in a concrete, understandable way, taking action to stop them when it seem Chaldea is working against them, and their initial disinterest to do so felt understandable. It’s like if someone took my grievances of Skadi’s character and make it better

Conversely, the relationship between Yu and Gao, tho promising and ultimately enjoyable, didn’t seem to go anywhere. Gao is particularly sidelined as a servant, especially he end up being Yu’s emergency fuel. It kinda feels like the writers of LB2 and LB3 respectively have completely opposite preferences between the Crypter/Servant pair and the Lostbelt King.

Anyhow, I enjoy the story of LB3 a lot. Can’t wait for the LB4 and its Lostbelt king kicking my ass rip.

#fate series #fate/grand order #fgo #koala plays fgo #perhaps I may have some questions about Urobuchi and his ideas #but insofar I think his writing can be solid at times #another thing is the boy #I though Gerda’s lack of presence can be excused #but after seeing the village boy getting an actual character arc despite of appearing in only like a few scenes #I felt there’s not much excuse about it #or maybe both Losbelts are entirely different beasts #ah well #I’ll leave the Alt acc with weekend

[bellemorte180]

Little Love

If it wasn't for the court ordered custody order, Caroline and Klaus probably would have killed each other. While they tried to be civil for their daughter, it wasn't easy. However, after a night in the Emergency Room something softened between the two of them. Slowly thing began to change and maybe....just maybe...they can see beyond the hatred they built up for one another.

Written for Klaroline Week. Day 4 Enemies to Lovers 

Thank you @klaroline-events, for putting this all together

Caroline tapped her highlighter against her notebook. Everything was organized precisely and she marked each foot note with a specific color. She glanced at the article on the screen and smiled. It was perfect and finished a head of schedule. Glancing at the clock which were blaring the number 9:15 pm, and noticed that she had just under three hours left before she had to have it submitted in order for it to make the morning paper. She flipped through her notes again, triple checking that everything she had was correct. Caroline was not a journalist who printed mistakes and she hated doing redactions. They were embarrassing.

Caroline was lost in thought that she did not hear the creaking of her home office door or the patter of feet coming up to her. It wasn’t until a small hand tapped her on the arm that caused her to jumped slightly.

“Mommy? I don’t feel good.” Caroline looked down at her six-year-old daughter, Lizzie, and sighed. The little girl was clutching the pink unicorn that her aunt had gifted her as a baby and she rarely let go of. She had curly blonde hair, blue eyes and dimples that Caroline despised who they had originated from. Lizzie had trouble sleeping and at times simply could not just go to sleep no matter how hard Caroline tried to put her down. Caroline had more than one late night just trying to get her to close her eyes. It had been awhile since Lizzie refused to sleep but on occasion, she had bursts of insomnia.

“What’s wrong baby?” She put on her best mom voice and knelt beside her. She felt her daughter’s head and realized that she was warm. Very warm. This was more than just not being able to sleep and wanting her mother’s attention. “What hurts?”

“My head. It won’t stop thumping.” Lizzie replied, rubbing her ear as she went. Caroline stood and held out her arms. Lizzie early crawled into them, allowing Caroline to pick her up. Despite the fact that her daughter was growing very quickly and probably would be taller than Caroline one day, Caroline could lift her easily. Lizzie was a very active child with a very picky appetite that it was difficult for Caroline to convince her to eat three solid complete meals a day. While she was not underweight by any means, she was still a skinny child.

Caroline carried Lizzie into the bathroom and sat her down on the counter. She fished through the cabinet and pulled out the child’s thermometer that she spent way too much money on. She had to ensure that it was accurate and it had not let her down yet. She stuck the thermometer under Lizzie’s tongue and waited the few seconds before pulling it out.

103.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Caroline could feel her heart begin to beat faster and the slight panic well up in her chest. Her daughter just didn’t have a fever, she had a high fever. She could tell that her daughter was not feeling the best and decided to try and calm herself before making matter worse. Lizzie had a tendency to overreact and throw a tantrum when she was scared…or hurt…or angry…or very happy.

It was a trait Caroline insisted that Lizzie did not inherit from her.

“Lizzie, we are going put some clothes on and take a drive okay?”

“I don’t want to go for a drive.” Lizzie whined but Caroline persisted.

“I know but we have to.” Caroline picked Lizzie back up and walked into her daughter’s bedroom. She pulled out a pair of small black leggings, a large shirt and sweatshirt. Lizzie dressed with minimal protest, which told Caroline exactly how sick her child was and put on a pair sock and small sneakers on her feet. Once dressed, Caroline quickly slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed her own sweatshirt; still being dressed from her day.

She picked up Lizzie and left the town house she rented in the middle of Richmond, Virginia. She strapped Lizzie into her booster seat and ran around the car and slipped into the driver’s seat. Once she was down the road, heading towards the hospital, she glanced back to see that Lizzie had drifted off slightly; her pink unicorn still clutched tightly to her chest. Caroline reached for her phone, which was in the back pocket of her jeans and dialed. It rang three times before clicking to voicemail.

Scowling, Caroline hung up and dialed again but this time it only rang once before the voicemail picked up.

“Klaus, I know you hate hearing from me but if you do not call me back in three seconds, I will rain hell down on you. Do you understand?” While it probably wasn’t the best way to leave a message, Caroline was stressed and having to call Klaus was never a pleasant experience in her opinion. If he did not call her back, she would try again….and again….and again until he got so irritated with her, he would have to pick up the phone. Klaus must have been thinking along the same lines because less than a minute later, his name popped up on her caller ID.

"I’m working Caroline.” Working, right. That was code for painting in Klaus’s book. While Caroline would admit that Klaus was a talented artist, he owned an art gallery that showed other people’s art and she was willing to bet that was not a gallery show at 9:30 on a Wednesday night.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t willing to bet that, because art showings could happen on a weeknight, but that was beside the point.

“Yeah, well I’m driving your daughter to the emergency room so I win.”

“Lizzie?” Klaus’s voice changed from one of irritation to worry. There was a softness to it that Caroline rarely heard from him; possibly because it was never really directed at her. She heard it when the spoke to their daughter but he rarely treated her with the same affection. “What is wrong?”

“She woke up complaining about her head hurting. She was hot to the touch and had a fever of 103.” Caroline replied and Klaus hissed.

“Did you give her anything?”

“The moment I took her temp, I put her in this car and called you.”

“What was she like before? Was she not feeling well before you put her to bed?” Caroling grind her teeth. She hated when Klaus gave her the holier than thou attitude when it came to their daughter. She knew how to care for her child and while she would say that Klaus is a good father, being a shitty human being notwithstanding, she did not need him questioning her parenting skills.

“She was fine. She watched Frozen a million times, played with her pink unicorn, picked at her dinner, and talked nonstop about what she wants for her birthday, despite the fact it’s like six months away.”

“She picked at her dinner? Did she eat anything at all?”

“Oh, don’t give me that Klaus. You and I both know that our daughter is the pickiest eater on the planet. I was able to get her to eat a few chicken nuggets and some broccoli.”

“Lizzie loves chicken nuggets.”

“Not tonight she didn’t.” Klaus had no reply because he knew that Caroline was right. Lizzie had a tendency to love one food and then hate it the next day. It was a never-ending game of guessing which foods she would eat on a day to day basis. The fact that Caroline was able to convince Lizzie to eat a couple pieces of broccoli was a major win.

“What hospital?”

“Chippenham.”

“I’ll see you there.” Klaus hung up the phone and Caroline tossed hers onto the passenger side seat. She glanced in the back and saw that her daughter was still sleeping. Despite the fact that it was hard for Klaus and Caroline to have a civil conversation, they generally tried not to fight in front of her. So, the rarely spoke to each other outside of text messages. They didn’t even provide the transportation to and from each other’s houses, relying on Klaus’s sister Rebekah to both pick up Lizzie and drop her off at their respective homes.

Caroline had no problem with that arrangement because she actually liked Rebekah.

Klaus and Caroline met through a mutual friend; sort of. Caroline’s friend Katherine had been dating Klaus’s brother Elijah and the two met at their New Year’s Eve party one year. One to many vodka-cranberries had Caroline running off with Klaus to his apartment and was in his bed before the clock struck midnight. But their romantic interlude only happened once.

Okay, several times but it was only one night.

When Caroline discovered she was pregnant, she first thing she did was have Katherine give her Klaus’s number. She told him the news and he flipped his shit. He didn’t believe her at first and it wasn’t until she took an in-utero DNA test that confirmed he was the father that he started believing her. However, their relationship did not improve. Caroline wondered if he would have even stepped up and been there for his child if it hadn’t been for Elijah kicking his ass to do the right thing. In the back of her mind, she knew that was not a fair thought but none-the-less, Klaus was a right jack ass to her at first.

And Caroline still couldn’t believe Katherine dumped Elijah for Mason Lockwood. Complete downgrade in Caroline’s opinion.

The relationship between Klaus and Caroline did not improve with time. They both had a temper and it clashed with the best of them. However, there were small moments when the two could come together for the sake of their daughter. He was with her during labor and she still remembered when Klaus held Lizzie for the first time. He even bought her a small silver bracelet with Lizzie’s birthstone inside it in order to celebrate the birth of their daughter.

He didn’t even fight her on wanting to name Lizzie after her mother who had died when Caroline was a teenager.

But then there were times where he was vindictive and just down right cruel. When Caroline started dating Tyler Lockwood for a while, Klaus flat out refused to allow Lizzie around him. Granted, Caroline was not about introduce her daughter to some stranger but Klaus hated Tyler with a passion that baffled Caroline. She had to point out that he had women in and out of his life that she didn’t feel was a good example for Lizzie.

It was a back and forth tug of war between the two of them. When the relationship between Caroline and Tyler fizzled out (which she partly blamed Klaus for), Klaus was far to smug for her liking. He also liked to mention whichever girlfriend he was with to just annoy her as much as possible.

f it wasn’t for their court ordered custody agreement, Caroline was sure that they would have killed each other by now.

They came to a week on week off agreement with Rebekah providing the transportation; with Elijah as an alternate if Rebekah was not available. There was no way in hell Caroline trusted Kol in a car with her child. Klaus and Caroline actually agreed on that fact. The two had little to no contact directly with one another outside of emergencies and the few activities their daughter was in. During those times they could at least pretend to be civil.

Sometimes.

When Caroline pulled into the hospital parking lot, she gently got Lizzie out of the car and walked her into the emergency room hospital. By the time the nurses were checking her in and Caroline was filling out the necessary paperwork, Lizzie curled up in her lap; refusing to let go of her mother, Caroline’s phone buzzed to let her know that Klaus was parking his ridiculous expensive car. He must have sped the entire way but Caroline couldn’t blame him. She would have done the same thing in his position. She saw him all but run in, his eyes darting around, looking for her.

“Klaus.” Caroline called and his eyes snapped toward her. She eyed him up and down as he made his way over to them. His hair was a complete disaster, probably from pulling at it due to stress. He was in a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt that had seen better days. He was covered in paint, which confirmed to Caroline that he had indeed been working on his latest project.

“How is she?”

“She slept pretty much the entire way here but she is still warm. The nurses said it’s a quiet night so it shouldn’t take to terribly long to take her back.” Klaus nodded and saw that she will filling out paperwork.

“Here, let me take her.” Klaus reached over and took Lizzie from her arms, which Caroline was grateful for because it made filling out the forms much easier.

“Daddy?” Lizzie woke up slowly and gave Klaus a small smile, the dimples they shared showing on her cheeks.

“Hey little love, how are you feeling?”

“Not good.” Lizzie wrapped her arms around Klaus and buried her head in his neck. Caroline couldn’t help but give a small smile. No matter her feelings about Klaus, she had to admit that it melted her heart to see her daughter interact with her father. “Will you stay with me?”

“I wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

“Shit.” Caroline hissed out and closed her eyes. She brought the clipboard to her head and rested her forehead against it.

“Mommy, that’s an Uncle Kol word.” Caroline couldn’t help but crack a small smile at that and Klaus outright laughed. Lizzie narrowed her eyes at the two of them, not liking that they where laughing at her. “Well it is!”

“That’s right and what do we say about Uncle Kol.” Klaus asked.

“Ignore him because he is always wrong.”

“That’s right.” Klaus stated and looked over to Caroline. “What’s wrong?”

“I forgot her insurance card.” Caroline scowled. It was not like her to forget things. She typically was always on top of everything that she double checked and triple checked if she had what she needed when she left the house; but this time she was in such a rush that she didn’t think to check. “And my entire wallet actually.”

“Here.” Klaus shifted and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and pulled out his copy of the card. For a split second, he saw a picture of Lizzie in his wallet and she smiled at that. “Use mine. It should be up to date. And I’ll take care of the bill to when we check out, so don’t worry about that.”

“Thank you.” Caroline muttered. She hadn’t thought about the hospital copay. Klaus was good for it and she knew that but money had been a touchy subject with them for a time. When she was pregnant, Klaus accused her of getting pregnant on purpose to take him for money; which Caroline did not do and out of stubbornness, she never once filed for child support, even though she could have used the money at the time; having only been a little over twenty-one when she fell pregnant.

They lapsed into silence and once they were called back into a room. Klaus, who was still holding Lizzie, laid her down upon the bed. She pulled her pink unicorn to her chest and eyed the nurse worryingly. Their daughter was not one who trusted strangers, at all. In fact, she rarely made friends with children her own age because she didn’t trust new people easily.

That and she had a prickly personality.

Something Caroline insists that she got from Klaus.

The nurse checked her temperature and other vitals all the while asking both Klaus and Caroline questions. When Caroline was going over why she brought her in, Klaus did not interrupt once nor scold her for something he would have done differently. The nurse said that the doctor would be in momentarily and slipped out.

Lizzie feel asleep soon after and both Klaus and Caroline lapsed back into silence. Caroline stood from the uncomfortable hospital chair and paced the room. She could feel Klaus’s eyes on her with every movement she made but she could not be sure if it was out of annoyance or sympathy. The silence between them was driving her insane, especially since she was not one who did silence well.

“Thank you.”

“What for Caroline?”

“Coming tonight.”

“She is my daughter. I would drop everything for her.” Klaus replied and Caroline nodded. She could not argue with that and honestly, Caroline did not have it in her to argue. “I hope Haley does not mind that I pulled you out so late.” Granted, it was only a little after ten but still, Haley was a right bitch in Caroline’s opinion.

“Haley?”

“Yeah. You know, your girlfriend.”

“Oh. Haley and I ended things about five months ago.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Caroline paused, mainly because she never asked. “Although that explains why Lizzie hasn’t mentioned her in a while.” Lizzie hated Haley. It wasn’t that Haley mistreated Lizzie, Caroline would not stand for that and if she was forced to admit it neither would Klaus, but that Lizzie did not like how Haley babied her. In fact, she was surprised that Lizzie didn’t spill those beans the moment she learned that Klaus gave her the boot. Secret keeping was not Lizzie’s strong suit. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. That entire relationship was a train wreck.” Caroline snorted at that. She didn’t like Haley the moment she met her over a year ago. Caroline could not explain why but there was something that just drove Caroline insane when she saw them together. “You can say it Caroline. I know you want to.”

“I told you so.” Klaus just rolled his eyes at her. She smiled lightly. The knowledge that his relationship with Haley was over made her feel slightly better. It was petty but Caroline didn’t care. “What happened? I mean, never mind. None of my business.”

“No. It’s fine.” For a moment, Caroline wanted to ask if he was feeling alright. He usually got annoyed if Caroline pried too much. Which she honestly didn’t do that often, only when she was concerned with who Klaus brought around Lizzie. “I caught her tampering with her birth control.” Caroline whipped around and gave Klaus a shocked looked. In fact, Caroline was certain that her eyes were bulging out of her head. “Yeah. I had the same exact look except add in my temper.”

“Well, fuck.”

“That’s an Uncle Kol word, Caroline.”

“Bite me.” She shook her head. “Seriously? Like, Seriously?”

“Yup.” Klaus nodded. “She thought that if she got pregnant and gave me a baby, then I would stop spending all my time with Lizzie during my weeks. She didn’t like the fact that Lizzie came first.” He paused. “Because she does you know. I know I was irritated when you called me tonight but Lizzie does come first for me. Always and forever.”

“I know that Klaus and I’ve never doubted that. Not once.” Klaus gave her an incredulous look as though he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. Caroline sighed and sat back down in the empty chair. She knew this was probably the most honest conversation they have had in a very long time. “You’re a good dad Klaus. No matter what our relationship is like, I know that when it comes to Lizzie, you’ll be there.”

Before either one of them could say anything else, the doctor came in and looked at the small patient who was still clutching her unicorn as though her life depended upon it. An ear infection. When the doctor told them that it wasn’t anything life threatening, because in the back of Caroline’s mind she was certainly obsessing that it was, they both let out a sigh of relief. The doctor prescribed some antibiotics and sent them home. Lizzie slept through the majority of everything, which was very much unlike her. Klaus checked them out while Caroline took their sleeping daughter to her car, with a promise that she would let Klaus say goodbye to her before driving off. When she saw Klaus striding across the parking lot to her car, he had something in his hand that Caroline would have freaked out when she discovered it was missing.

A bright pink unicorn.

“Thank you! If she would have woke up without that…”

“It would have been the end of the world as we know it.” Klaus joked but they both knew how true that statement would have been. Lizzie would have thrown a fit, especially since she was sick. When Lizzie threw a tantrum, it was not a pretty sight. It also took Caroline by surprise that Klaus brought the unicorn to her and not hid it, making her suffer Lizzie’s meltdown. If she would have been in Klaus’s position, Caroline never would have done it but most certainly would have thought about it. Klaus gave her soft smile before crawling into the back of her car in order to kiss the top of Lizzie’s head. “I love you, little love.”

Klaus climbed out of the back, closed the door and looked at Caroline. A small awkward moment passed between them and the way Klaus was looking at her made her believe that there was something he wanted to say to her. Klaus was not one to mince his words and always said what was on his mind. The fact that he was staying silent worried Caroline.

“Well, goodnight.” She moved to walk around her car but Klaus stopped her.

“Caroline…” He paused, looking for the words but Caroline could tell he chickened out. “Will you call me in the morning? Let me know how she is doing?”

“Of course.” The shared a small smile and Caroline climbed into her car. Klaus stood in the parking lot, watching her drive off; a move that she was not sure exactly what to make of. By the time she got home, it was well after midnight. When she was getting ready to get into bed for the few hours of sleep before Lizzie woke, she noticed that she had a message from Klaus on her phone.

Thank you for your honesty.

*

The changes were subtle. At first, everything remained the same. They communicated by text message and Rebekah picked Lizzie up and dropped her off. There was something in Rebekah’s demeanor though whenever she looked at Caroline. A small smirk or an all-knowing glance that infuriated Caroline. If she didn’t have a stable understanding with Lizzie’s aunt, she would have called her out on it but she refrained.

Caroline needed to be on good terms with at least one Mikaelson.

However, the messages from Klaus were different. Friendlier. Gone were the snarky comments and explosive unfounded accusations. Instead, he added pleasantries that Caroline was convinced were absent from his vocabulary. He wished her good morning before asking about their daughter and every night he told her goodnight after every phone call with Lizzie. She would never admit it but each time, Caroline felt her stomach flutter ever so slight; but she would deny it upon pain of death.

Soon enough, just communicating by text message stopped. Klaus would call her when he wanted to check in on Lizzie. Their conversations were strictly about her but eventually they moved onto more personal topics. It started with Klaus complementing her on an article she had written. Caroline was unsure what surprised her more, the fact that he read one of her articles or that he agreed with her opinion.

There were times that Klaus would call her out of the blue with something that had nothing to do with Lizzie. He called when their daughter was at school and during times that he knew Caroline would be available, such as her lunch break or the hour she had before Lizzie got off the bus. The cordial relationship they built took months but Caroline found that it was far more pleasant than arguing every time they had to speak to one another. It baffled her at first but Caroline felt that if Klaus was going to put in the effort to be more pleasant with her, than she was not going to be the one who messed that up.

Her pride would not allow it; because that was all it was. Pride. Nothing more. Nope. Not at all.

Then one day when it was time for the exchange of custody, Caroline opened her front door to find, not Rebekah but Klaus. It had been months since Lizzie had her ear infection and she had not seen him in person since. They spoke almost everyday but actually seeing him in person took Caroline off guard. If anyone were to ask her about the blush heating up her skin, she would deny it.

“Lizzie, your dad’s here!” Caroline stepped aside and allowed Klaus to enter the house. His eyes darted around, taking in the pictures in her entry hall. She realized that this was the first time he had actually step foot inside her house. He had always known where she lived, and had been in the backyard but he had never actually been inside it. Caroline was tempted to ask why he had come but decided against it. “Would you like something to drink? Lizzie is probably still deciding which friend her unicorn would like to come with.”

Klaus snorted at that.

“If could be ages before that decision is made.”

“Coffee?” Klaus nodded and followed her into the kitchen. He looked around and smirked at the insane amount of organization her home had. He had known Caroline was a neat freak and had a case of OCD that she would deny, but seeing it so ingrained in her home was humorous to him; but he was wise enough to keep his comments to himself. At least he knew where Lizzie got her obsession that everything be neat and orderly from, because it certainly was not him. “How do you take it?”

“Black.”

“Of course, you do.” Klaus raised his eyebrows in question but Caroline just rolled her eyes in response. She made his coffee and gave it to him. “While you’re here, it would be a good time for us to talk.”

“About?”

“A special day for a special someone.”

“Ah. Yes. That.” Klaus took a sip of his coffee. “I can’t believe she is going to be seven.”

“Right?” Caroline shook her head. It felt like yesterday that Lizzie was an infant, screaming at the top of her lungs demanding that the world pay attention to her. Since Lizzie’s first birthday, it was the one day that both Klaus and Caroline tried to be on their best behavior because neither one of them wanted to ruin Lizzie’s day by the two of them bickering. “She wants a party. I was thinking we could do it the second weekend of September? Its technically not on her birthday but Rebekah mentioned that she was going out of town for work and I know she would hate to miss it.”

“That should be fine. Theme?” Klaus

“Princess.”

“Of course. What else would it be?” Klaus drawled out. “I mean, what else would the daughter of, oh what was it?” He paused for dramatic effect. “Oh yes. Miss Mystic Falls. Of course, Lizzie would want something that would require her to wear a tiara.”

“Oh, really? You want to go there?” Caroline laughed at him. “May I remind you that it was not me that bought her that doll house in the form of a castle with a doll that looked identical to her? I don’t think it was me that created this princess obsession.”

“Well, in my defense she is practically royalty.” Caroline just snorted.

“She has you wrapped around her little finger.” Klaus opened his mouth but Caroline pointed at her finger at him, silencing him. Klaus backpedaled and smirked. “And don’t you even try to deny it.”

“Are the two of you getting along?” Both Klaus’s and Caroline’s snapped to the archway that lead into the kitchen. Lizzie was standing there with her hands on her hips and her head cocked. Her blue eyes were darting between the two of them as though she was judging them both; and she probably was. “It’s weird.”

“Elizabeth!” Caroline scolded but Lizzie just rolled her eyes. Caroline could tell that Klaus was holding back a laugh and she just gave him a looked that dared him to laugh out loud. Instead, he just tilted his head toward their daughter as though to say her attitude was all Caroline. She was going to so much fun as a teenager.

“Hi Daddy!” Lizzie skipped over to Klaus and jumped into his lap. He lifted her up easily and kissed the top of her head.

“Hello little love. Are you ready?” Lizzie nodded, causing her blond pigtails to bounce slightly. “Okay, go say goodbye to your mom and we can get going.” Lizzie hopped back down and walked over to Caroline, with her arms open wide. Caroline scoped Lizzie up into a big hug and held her tightly. It was always hard saying goodbye to her daughter for an entire week, even though she knew she would speak to her every day.

“I love you, Lizzie.”

“Love you too.” Lizzie let go and all but flounced over to her father, pulling him by the hand. Klaus laughed and gave Caroline a gentle wave. “Bye mommy!”

*

“We’ve all noticed it, you know.” Rebekah replied, sipping her non-alcoholic drink while looking at Caroline questioning look. Caroline was very strict about having alcohol at her daughter’s birthday parties. The rule was mainly meant for Kol who at one point, though it was a bright idea to spike a three-year old’s punch at her birthday.

“Noticed what?” Caroline asked, tearing her eyes from Lizzie who was running around with a few other girls her age. There were not a lot of children present, mainly because none of the other Mikaelson siblings had children and Lizzie did not make friends easily.

“That you and Klaus seem, friendly.”

“We have a child together. We should be friendly.”

“That never stopped you before.”

“Rebekah.” Caroline stated in warning.

“What? I’m just pointing out the obvious.” Rebekah tossed her blond curls over her shoulder, glaring at Caroline. “All I’m saying is that we all see it. Klaus no longer wants to throw something at the mention of your name and you don’t have that scowl on your face when you see him.”

“We are trying to be better for Lizzie, Rebekah. That’s all.” Caroline stated and even she didn’t believe was she was saying. “We fought all the time and even though we tried to keep it from Lizzie, she knew we didn’t get along and it hurt her. We’re trying to be better for the sole purpose of making her life easier.”

“Try saying that once more with feeling and I might believe you.” Caroline rolled her eyes. “Look, Klaus could do far worse that you in terms of a relationship. Hell, he has done far worse. Not only do we actually like you and your obsessive tendencies but you are also Lizzie’s mom and that makes you family.” Rebekah paused. “But if you tell anyone I said that I will deny it. Now, I am going to go over there and play with the puppy my brother bought my niece.”

With that Rebekah walked away and Caroline just shook her head. She glanced over to Klaus who was staring daggers at Kol, who seemed way to pleased with himself. It did not take a genius to figure out what the topic of Klaus’s rage was. She bit her lip and walked over to Klaus, hoping to calm his anger before he murdered Kol during their daughter’s seventh birthday party. Homicide could wait until after the cake at least.

“Klaus.” He turned to look at her. “If you kill him, I’ll help you bury the body but it will have to wait until after the party.”

“He bought her a puppy!” Klaus hissed, through his teeth. Neither Klaus nor Caroline were pet people. Klaus didn’t have the time and Caroline didn’t want to clean up after them. Having a child was enough for both of them. Kol, apparently had other ideas. “He didn’t run this by me and there is no way in hell you would agree to a puppy.”

“Nope.”

“But he bought her one anyway.”

“Yes. Yes, he did.”

“We can’t keep it.”

“Absolutely not.” Both Klaus and Caroline looked over to their daughter who was laughing hysterically as the small dog licked and jumped on her. Her eyes were dancing with happiness and she was smiling so widely, Caroline thought her cheeks had to hurt.

“Damn it.”

“Week on week off? Where Lizzie goes, the dog goes too?”

“Fine.” Klaus hissed out. Shooting another murderous glare at Kol, who just blew Klaus a kiss. “I may take you up on the body disposal later.” Caroline nodded but said nothing. Klaus pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes tightly. “There is something I wanted to discuss with you before Kol brought that beast to the party.”

“About what?”

“I have an art showing next weekend. I was hoping to have Lizzie there.” Caroline cocked her head at him confused. He never had Lizzie come to one of his showings before mainly because they were not exactly kid friendly. “I know it is technically your weekend, but I would offer make-up time-“

“Klaus, I’m not worried about that.” Caroline replied, waiving her hand dismissing the idea of make-up time. “It’s just, don’t you think she would be bored. I mean, you’re so busy at those things and I highly doubt that there would be other kids there, and I don’t think the artist would appreciate Lizzie ruining their art.” She could see the hurt look in Klaus’s eyes and Caroline hated herself for a moment. “But if you want her there and the artist is okay with a seven-year-old who has way too many opinions, then sure.”

“He doesn’t mind. The artist I mean.” Klaus paused. “Would you like to come?”

“What?” Caroline asked, in a very high-pitched voice.

“I mean, to bring Lizzie and you could stay if you wanted to, look at the art. Get free wine.” Caroline laughed lightly. “And I would be there. We could you know, meet there and spend time…together.” He looked at her in that bashful way that reminded her of that New Years Eve all those years ago. He seemed shy and unsure of himself-a part of Klaus that she was not really familiar with.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

It wasn’t until hours later, when Lizzie had crashed from her sugar high and Caroline was trying get their new puppy into his crate-fucking Kol-that the reality hit Caroline. She had a date with Klaus. Well, kind of.

*

Caroline obsessed what to wear. She had never been to one of Klaus’s gallery openings before and was clueless on what to wear. In the week that passed since Lizzie’s birthday, Caroline tried to play it cool with him; not drawing attention to the fact that they had a date coming up. Except it wasn’t really a date but it kind of was. Part of her didn’t know if they had actually made plans for the gallery showing or if she had imagined it. When Klaus had randomly called her to confirm, it all became real.

It threw Caroline into panic mode. She called Katherine, demanding her to come over and help her get ready. Being the best friend that she was, Katherine complied. It actually surprised Caroline how well Katherine was taking the news that she had a date with Klaus. When her relationship with Elijah crashed and burned, which was all Katherine’s fault, she vowed never to have anything to do with a Mikaelson again…Lizzie excluded.

“Honey, we all knew this was coming one day.” Katherine said as she curled Caroline’s hair. “The two of you fought like cats and dogs for you not to get together at some point. Kol thought it was going to be sooner but I figured it would take you guys awhile, didn’t think seven years though.”

“Wait. You talk to Kol?”

“No. This was pre-break up but we all took bets.”

“Oh.” Caroline paused. “Wait what!?”

“You look really pretty Mommy.” Lizzie said, strolling into Caroline’s bedroom as though she owned the place. The puppy, that Lizzie promptly names Olaf because of his white hair, happily following after her. Lizzie was in a peach colored dress and had her hair tied back into a bun with ringlet framing her face. She was very excited for this evening because it meant she got to dress up in a pretty dress.

“Thank Sweetie. You look very pretty too.”

“I know.” Lizzie replied and jumped on Caroline’s bed after helping Olaf up on it. Katherine snorted at the little girl and shook her head. Caroline didn’t even bother correcting her for there was no use at this point.

“Got to admire the kid’s confidence, I’ll admit to that.” Caroline rolled her eyes. No matter how hard she tried, Lizzie was always going to be something of a diva. “I wonder who she got that from?”

“Me.”

“I was going to say Klaus.” Caroline gave Katherine a menacing look, refraining from sticking out her tongue at her best friend. She had to at least try and set a good example for Lizzie. “There you go. All done.” Caroline stood up and admired herself in her full-length mirror. She was wearing a light blue cocktail dress that pinned had her shoulder with a silver clasp while the other shoulder was completely bare. She wore silver stilettos that matched the clasp and her hair was pinned back lightly on one side with the rest hung down in waves. Her make-up was light and natural and she wore only a silver bracelet on her wrist. It was a gift Klaus had given her the day she gave birth to Lizzie. It was the first and last gift he had ever given her.

“You always did look good in blue.” Katherine said, admiring her handiwork. “Now the question becomes, what are you wearing underneath it?” “Katherine! Stop it. We’re so not going there.”

“Denial however, does not look good on you.”

The drive to the gallery did not take long and a part of her wished it did. The closer she got to the gallery, the faster her heart began to pound. She kept thinking back on Katherine’s words and how everyone expected them to end up together one way or another. In truth, the last several months Caroline found herself softening to Klaus. She couldn’t explain what happened but she couldn’t help but miss him when he wasn’t around. Then there was the obvious fact that she was attracted to him. That had never changed and she vividly remembered what he was like in bed.

She would never admit it aloud but that memory had fueled some of her wildest daydreams.

“Are we getting out of the car Mommy?” Lizzie asked impatiently. Caroline shook herself and nodded. She didn’t realize that they had been sitting in the parking lot for several minutes while Caroline worked up the courage to go inside. She stepped out and unbuckled Lizzie from her booster seat. Lizzie all but ran towards the door that had people spilling into it. Caroline caught up with her daughter as quickly as she good in stilettos and grabbed her wrist.

“What have I told you about running off in a parking lot without me?”

“Sorry Mommy.” Caroline just nodded and headed toward the entryway. The gallery was packed. She was not sure what she expected. She knew Klaus’s business was successful, given the fact that he had money to throw around, but she never expected this popularity. She looked around, not knowing where to turn first.

“Caroline.” She turned when she heard Klaus’s voice. He came strolling towards her and her breath caught in her throat. He was wearing black slacks, a white button-down dress shirt and a suit jacket that had to be professionally tailored. He looked good and well put together that Caroline couldn’t help but flash back to the night they met. When he reached them, Klaus leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Thank you for coming. You look beautiful.”

“Of course, and thank you.”

“What about me Daddy?” Lizzie chimed in, not used to being ignored by her father. Klaus smiled widely and knelt down to his daughter. He pulled her to him and hugged her closely.

“I’m sorry little love. I didn’t recognize you for a second. All I saw was a young lady who was too grown up to be my daughter.” Lizzie giggled and threw her head back. “Don’t be silly! It’s just me.” Klaus went in and started pressing kisses all over her face, causing Lizzie to laugh even louder. Caroline could see the curious stares but it didn’t seem to be bothering to many people. Besides, this was Klaus’s place of business and if he felt comfortable enough for such displays of affection for his daughter, Caroline was not going to stop him.

“My man Klaus Mikaelson!” Caroline’s eyes turned to a tall dark man walking their way. He was impeccably dressed with a fedora on top of his head, giving him an eccentric look. He had a wide smile with impossibly white teeth. Klaus stood and greeted the man with a pat on the back. “You have out done yourself this time. I am impressed. I already have a few pieces that I am interested in buying.”

“Thank you. Your business is very much appreciated.” Klaus smiled at the man and Caroline could tell the two had a friendly relationship. “Come, there is someone I would like you to meet. Caroline, this is Marcel Gerard. He is an art collector from New Orleans. Marcel, this is Caroline.”

“A pleasure to finally put a name with such a beautiful face.” Before Caroline could reply, or unpack such a statement, Klaus narrowed his eyes at Marcel.

“Marcel. Behave.” Klaus uttered in warning. The other man just laughed and patted Klaus’s shoulder, showing that he meant no harm. Lizzie pulled on Klaus’s sleeve, not wanting to be forgotten. “And this beautiful lady is our daughter, Lizzie.” Marcel bent down to be at eye level with Lizzie, who beamed at him, appreciating the gesture.

“Well, I’ve heard many great things about you.”

“I know. My dad never stops talking about me.” Marcel just laughed at the reply and stood, shaking his head at Klaus. People sometimes blanched at Lizzie’s bluntness and confidence that Caroline found it amusing how some people reacted. While Lizzie was a loving child who cared deeply when others were hurting, she also demanded the room when she was in it.

“Well she is most certainly your child Klaus.” Marcel replied has he stood. Klaus just nodded and looked down fondly at his daughter. There was that soft smile that graced his lips whenever he looked at his daughter. Marcel turned to Caroline. “I hope you don’t mind if I steal Klaus for a minute? I’ll promise to have him back in one piece after a few minutes.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll only be a little bit. Okay? Take a look around and I’ll find you.” Caroline nodded and watched Klaus walk off with Marcel, the two clearly discussing business.

“Can I go over their Mommy? It’s Auntie Bex and Uncle Elijah.” Lizzie asked and Caroline turned to see both Rebekah and Elijah in deep conversation. She was surprised to see them at the gallery, for she did not realize that they came to Klaus’s showings. The Mikaelson siblings were always supportive of one another but to come to a random showing? She had to admire their loyalty.

“Sure, but make sure you stay in one of our sights at all times.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Caroline replied and watched as her daughter walked over to Elijah. She tugged on her uncle’s sleeve and Elijah smiled when he saw who was interrupting his conversation. Elijah bent down and hugged the little girl before Rebekah engulfed her into a hug herself. Elijah turned and smiled at Caroline, letting her know that he would watch Lizzie until she wanted to go back to her parents. She gave him a small wave and started weaving through the crowd.

She viewed the paintings and couldn’t help but notice something familiar about them. Some were bright, full of light and just had a feeling of warmth. Then there were others that were dark and have a hint of loneliness behind it. The artist clearly had a wide range of emotions and Caroline couldn’t help but connect with the art.

She rounded a slight corner and saw a collection that was roped off slightly. There was a plaque that had a description on it but it was the subject of the paintings. There were at least six paintings of a face she knew well; a face she loved more than her own self.

Lizzie.

Each painting had such love put into it that Caroline didn’t know if she could breath. There were paintings of Lizzie smiling, laughing and running. There was a painting of her in a tutu, dancing during her first ballet class. There was a painting of her sleeping with that blasted pink unicorn clutched to her chest. Each and every painting had bright colors, love and such devotion that Caroline could not question the love the artist felt for her daughter.

Then there was a painted in the center of them all. This was the only one that Lizzie shared the spotlight in. Lizzie was smiling widely and laughing, a tiara perched on her head. She was looking up to the other person in the painting. Caroline. The detail on her own appearance in the artwork was astounding, it did not just mirror Caroline, but the emotion that was written on her face echoed every moment her heart burst at the mere sight of her daughter. The artist had to of spent a good amount of time gazing at Caroline to be able to capture such an emotion perfectly.

Suddenly, it all made sense to Caroline.

This wasn’t some random art show for some random artist trying to get his big break. Why she saw both Rebekah and Elijah there-and was willing to bet Kol was lurking somewhere in the crowed. It made sense why Klaus would want Lizzie there. Why he wanted her there.

This was Klaus’ art show. He was showing his pieces to the world for the first time.

Overwhelmed, Caroline looked down and read the plaque that described the collection.

Little Love By: N. Mikaelson Collection not for sale.

“I had hoped that I would be the one to show you these.” Caroline turned around, to see Klaus standing before her. He looked bashful and vulnerable. He stepped forward and ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the tears that she had not realized where falling. “Please know that I would never sell a painting of our daughter to some stranger but I had to show them.”

“Klaus. They are…I don’t know what to say.” Caroline looked back at the paintings. Each and every time she looked at them it was like watching Klaus hold their daughter for the first time all over again. That love a father can only have for his daughter was etched onto each and every canvas. “That painting of her and I…when?”

“I’ve seen you give her that look a thousand times Caroline. Even when we were not on the best of terms, no one could deny that you loved her.” A new wave of tears flooded down her cheeks. “I’ll admit that, that particular painting is newer but the sentiment remains the same.”

“Mommy! Daddy! I’m famous!” Lizzie’s voice chimed in as she came running towards them, a brochure waiving in the air. She shoved the paper into Caroline’s hand and pointed to a listing of the paintings and collections. At the very bottom, under the listing of Little Love there was a painting simply named A Mother’s Love. “There is a set named after me! Little Love! That’s me!”

“That’s right you are!” Klaus teased Lizzie but the little girl wasn’t looking at her father. Instead she was staring up at Caroline with a worried look on her face. She stepped forward and hugged Caroline around the waist.

“Why are you sad Mommy?” Lizzie asked and Caroline realized that she still was crying. Caroline bent down to be at eye level with her daughter.

“I’m not sad honey. I’m happy.” Caroline’s eyes glanced up at Klaus and she could see that he was taken aback. Slowly, a smile spread across his face and the dimples Caroline adored popped out. “I’m very, very happy.”

“So happy tears?”

“Yeah. Happy tears.”

“Okay!” Lizzie turned from her mother, satisfied that she was perfectly fine and turned to her father. “Can I see the pictures now!”

“Of course, little love.” Klaus reached out and lifted Lizzie into his arms. He picked her up easily and began pointing out each painting to her in detail, describing the moment he was trying to capture when he painted them. Caroline just stood there, watching them with that familiar flutter in her stomach, and she knew.

Before her stood the man, she had vowed to hate for all eternity. The man who she joked with Katherine, out of earshot of Lizzie, that was her enemy.

She was in love with him.

*

In the few short weeks that followed, Caroline did not know how to act. Something had changed between Klaus and Caroline. She examined every inch of her feelings and went over every possibility of when they changed from her hating him to falling completely in love with him. She had no answers to that question, only that she was somewhere in the middle before she knew what she was feeling.

Caroline’s birthday fell on a random Tuesday in October. It was Klaus’s week to have Lizzie but offered to let Caroline have her instead. She shook her head, stating that she would do something with Lizzie the upcoming Saturday instead. However, Caroline did take off work, using her birthday as an excuse, but in all reality, it was to obsess over if she should tell Klaus how she felt.

What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he did? There were so many things to consider and the biggest one would be Lizzie. What if he did feel the same and they began to build something between them? What if Lizzie gets comfortable with them being together and then they break up? Could she put her daughter through that?

All those thoughts ran through her head as she heard a knock on her front door. Caroline pulled herself from her sofa and went over to answer the door. Behind it was a delivery man and Caroline creased her eyebrows. She hadn’t ordered anything but the delivery man held out a slip for her to sign. She could see a large package behind him and she was curious as to its contents. Caroline signed the slip and took the package inside. It was lighter than she was expecting, given its size. Carefully, she tore the brown packaging paper to revel a canvas.

It was the painting of herself and Lizzie from Klaus’s art show. Caroline lowered herself to the ground in order to look at the painting face on. Being so up close and personal to it was different from viewing it at the gallery. It was just as beautiful but she could see each stroke of the brush and effort put into both herself and Lizzie’s appearance. After what seemed to be forever, Caroline slowly stood and picked up the painting. A small card slipped out from the back and landed on the floor. She careful leaned the painting against the wall, unsure where she was going to put it yet, and bent down to pick up the card.

Happy Birthday, Caroline. Klaus.

It was as though a damn broke through her emotion and Caroline’s decision was made. She quickly slipped on a pair of boots, grabbed a coat and dashed out to her car. She drove through the busy streets of Richmond and pulled into the parking lot of Klaus’s apartment complex. She knew he would be home, or at least she hoped. Due to their prior conversations, Klaus had told her that he typically only worked the mornings at the gallery during his week with Lizzie.

She pulled into an empty spot and all but ran to the front door of the apartment building. She knew it would be locked, for only tenants could get in without a key. She looked for the bell of Klaus’s apartment and rang it. She prayed that he was home.

“Hello?” Klaus’s voice sounded through the speaker and Caroline let out the breath she had been holding.

“Klaus? It’s Caroline. Can I come up?”

“Yeah. Sure.” She could tell that he sounded confused at the fact that she was there. After a second, Caroline heard the click of the lock and that the door to the building was open. She made her way inside and headed towards Klaus’s apartment. Once she reached it, the door was already open and Klaus was leaning against its frame with his arms crossed. Caroline brushed past him and stepped inside.

She had not been in his apartment since the night that Lizzie was conceived. It still had the large windows and brick walls along the far wall. The building used to be an old factory during the Civil War that was reconstructed into apartments. She could see his artwork on the walls but pictures of Lizzie and his family also decorated the walls. She could see toys that clearly belonged to his daughter on the floor and her one coat hanging off a chair. Olaf ran over to her quickly, his bushy white tale wagging widely. Caroline bent down to put him and rub his belly, knowing that he would not leave her to speak with Klaus until he received some sort of attention.

“Thank you.” She whispered, as she stroked Olaf. “For the painting. Thank you.”

“It’s your birthday. There is no need to thank me.” Klaus shrugged. For a moment, she didn’t know what to say. She looked down at her hands, a question burning at her lips to be formed.

“What changed? Between us?” Klaus just looked at her in confusion but there was an understanding behind his eyes. “Months ago, you and I couldn’t be in the same room without it derailing into an argument. Now you’re sending me paintings and we talk every day and…. you’ve become one of the most important people in my life. What changed?”

“I fucked up.” Klaus replied simply and Caroline blanched. Out of everything, that was not the response she was expecting. “When I first learned you were pregnant. I reacted badly.”

“Understatement of the century.” Caroline replied and Klaus just smirked and nodded.

“I didn’t want to believe you. That night we spent together was…amazing. When you called me, I thought you were reaching to, I don’t know. Maybe grab dinner? See where things went between us? Maybe just to go another round?” Caroline snorted at that. “I wasn’t ready to be a dad and I took it out on you. I said horrible things and did horrible things.”

“Yes. You did.” Caroline replied. “But you weren’t the only one the blame Klaus. I held onto that hurt and anger for a long time. I tried so hard to hang onto all awful things you’ve done, forgetting that everyone deserves a second chance.”

“I know and I deserved all that anger. I know that Caroline.” Klaus admitted. “When Lizzie was born, it really changed everything for me. I loved her instantly and I knew that you would always be apart of my life. I wanted to do better and be better for Lizzie’s sake. I bought you that bracelet as a peace offering, hoping that we could start over. Maybe actually get to know one another and maybe…I don’t…see where things went.”

“But I was so angry at you.” Caroline felt her heart drop. If she had just been nicer to him in those beginning days when Lizzie was born, maybe things would be different. She knew he wasn’t innocent and that their relationship took a two-way street but he had tried. She didn’t. “And eventually, you gave up.”

“Rather quickly actually. Then things just fell back to how they were when you where pregnant and it was just…easier I guess.”

“Then what changed?”

“Remember, that night at the hospital, when Lizzie had that ear infection.” Caroline nodded, remembered how much that high Lizzie’s fever had been and how it had worried her.

“You told me that you knew I was a good dad and that at the end of the day, you knew I would always be there for Lizzie. To be honest with you Caroline, I had assumed that you thought I was the worst dad in the world and that if it wasn’t for the court order, I would never see Lizzie.”

“What?!” Caroline was actually shocked. She knew that their relationship was bad but she never thought Klaus felt as though she would keep Lizzie from him. “I would never, ever keep Lizzie from you. Yes. I didn’t always agree with your choices and I sure as hell know you didn’t always agree with mine but you’re her father Klaus. She loves you and no matter what happens between us, no matter what this” Caroline pointed between them, “is, you would always have an open door to her.”

“I know that now. It was a hard realization but that night, sitting in the middle of an emergency hospital room, I realized that we could do better. We actually talked that night and well, I just wanted more.” Klaus said and gave her a small smile. “Then, over time I got to know you. You became so much more than just the mother of my daughter. You became Caroline and you made me question everything.”

“Yeah. You became more than the narcissistic asshole that knocked me up.” Klaus snorted at that, wondering how many times she had called him that over the years. It was her go too insults for him.

“So, what is this?” He replied, pointing between them, mimicking the motion she made moments before. “Why did you really come here today? It wasn’t because of the painting.”

“Because…” Caroline’s thoughts were jumping back and forth. Did she confess how she felt for him, taking that giant leap that could leave her crashing and burning? Or did she keep the good thing they had going but know that it would hurt her to watch him eventually move on with his life, only keeping her as a friend? “Fuck it.”

With that, Caroline marched forward and slammed her lips to Klaus’s. He was shocked at first but once he realized that this was for real, Klaus pulled Caroline to him and put everything he had into that kiss. Caroline weaved her things through his blond curls and arched her back, pressing her chest as closely to him as she could. Klaus bit down lightly on her lip when the kiss broke apart. Their eyes locked for a moment and she could see Klaus searching for answers.

“Caroline?”

“I came here because I want this. I want you and me and Lizzie. I want joint parent teacher conferences and family dinners. I want to curl up on the couch with you after Lizzie goes to bed. I want to come to your gallery openings and for you to smirk at my articles, making snide comments when you disagree with something. I want to make love to you at night and share those stupid secret smiles couples have when they share something.” Caroline rambled on and Klaus just let her, a wide goofy smile on his lips. “I want to be a family Klaus. With you. Because I love you.”

Klaus crashed his lips to Caroline’s again. It was bruising and passionate. Caroline wrapped her arms around his shoulders and opened her lips to allow for Klaus’s tongue entrance. She felt herself go weak at the taste of him, remembering exactly what that tongue was capable of. Klaus’s hands were roaming all over her body, feeling every curve his hands could grip.

Caroline pushed his Henley upward until Klaus was forced to end their kiss in order to pull it over his head. As quickly as he tossed it aside, his lips where back onto her. Caroline touched his chest, her nails dragging down the length of his abs, while Klaus’s hands gripped her hips, bringing her as close to him as possible.

“Bedroom. Now.” Caroline whispered. She didn’t care if it was mid-afternoon; it was her birthday after all. Klaus laced their fingers together and quickly was dragging her down the hall towards his bedroom. Once inside, Caroline stopped him at the end of the bed and gently pushed him down upon it. He simply cocked his eyebrow at her in question. Caroline smirked before she straddled him. “Shh. Just relax.”

She leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips before placing a kiss on the base of his neck. She nipped and sucked his pulse for a moment, knowing that she would leave a mark. Klaus hissed when she bit just slightly too hard, but he didn’t tell her to stop. She began to move her lips downward, her tongue peaking out to lick and suck on his skin. She used her teeth to nip at his nipples while one of her hands scratched the other one.

As she made her way down his chest and stomach, Caroline’s eyes peaked upward. Klaus was staring down at her, his eyes filled with desire, causing her panties to become painfully wet. She kissed the skin that was just above the waist of his pants while her hands worked on undoing his belt. Once the buckle was undone, Caroline pulled the zipper down and roughly yanked his pants down his hips. Klaus lifted up slightly and made her job slightly easier. Once his pants were down around his ankles, Caroline eyed his penis. She remembered vividly what that felt like to be inside her. She leaned down, kissed the side of his thighs teasingly.

“Caroline.” Klaus hissed out her name, his erection straining painfully. She smirked evilly before leaning in and kissed the tip of his penis, once…. twice…three times before engulfing him fully; her tongue swirling around the length of him. “Jesus Fuck. Just like that.”

Klaus threw his head back and Caroline could see his eyes fluttering shut. His one hand reached down and gripped her blonde hair, massaging her head as she bobbed up and down. Caroline reached up and cupped his balls, rolling them gently in her hands as he muttered incoherent words. She could tell that he was close to finding his release and Caroline added a slight bit more pressure…just enough for-

“Daddy! I’m home!”

Caroline shot up as though she had been shocked, topping from the bed as she went. Landing on her back, Caroline covered her face with her hands, praying that her daughter didn’t come any closer to Klaus’s bedroom. Klaus jumped from the bed and ran over to his pants, pulling them on quickly.

“I’ll be out in a second Lizzie! Shit. Shit. Shit.” Klaus zipped up his pants and buckled the belt. “Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” He held out his hand to Caroline, helping her up from the floor. Her face was still bright red with embarrassment. This has never happened to her before. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I cannot believe forgot that she would be coming home soon.”

“Well we were kind of distracted.” Klaus replied, with a smirk. He leaned and kissed her gently. It was different from the kisses they shared earlier. This one was soft, warm and full of promise. “Get cleaned up and stay for dinner. Spend the evening with Lizzie and I, she would love that and then later we can-“

“Talk?”

“I was going to say pick up where we left off but sure.”

“Or we could do both.”

“Both sounds good.” Caroline smiled cheekily at him and gave him another peck. It was quick because they both knew if they dawdled any longer, Lizzie would come looking for him and would have many questions as to, not only why her mother was there but why was she in his bedroom of all places. Klaus moved towards his bedroom door and looked back at her. “And for the record Caroline, I love you too.”

#klaroline #kcauweek2020 #klaroline fanfiction #caroline x klaus #i'm super proud of this #turned out better than I was expecting #got a bit long #sorry not sorry

[seamus-southwell]

I’m sorry

okay so i’m going through a rough time right now, and it’s entirely my fault. about 3 - 4 months ago i was in a bad place. i lost who i was, and i did a lot of things that really confuse me now because they aren’t anything at all like what i would do now. i got into drugs, i lied to people about what i was doing and who i was with, i drank whiskey in school and shit talked my girlfriend behind her back, worst of all, i kept it all a secret from her. i was convincing myself that i didn’t love her, and i was blaming all my actions on her. and i hate myself for it, i am really in love with her and looking back i can’t forgive myself, i survived a suicide attempt the other week, which was triggered by remembering the things that i had done.

one of the things i did, that i fucking hate myself for, was have an affair. i honestly hate myself for it, and it’s the main cause of my depression. the thoughts and guilt of what i had done never leave me alone. during this affiar, five events occured, or five that i remember, i repressed a lot of things that i did due to the guilt and hate that it brewed within myself, i prayed that it was all a dream because that was honestly what i hoped it was, i didn’t want to live in a world where i had done the things i had.

the five events that occured where as follows, first was kissing, then later on i sent pictures of sexual nature that were clearly, in text agreed upon and consented to. then there was a bit of a break before another night there was more kissing again. after that i lied to them and told them that i loved them over text. then, (and this is where the problem arises), i snuck over to their house while no one else was home, this was agreed upon before hand and so was a list of things that we were comfortable with, which was kissing, and over the clothes touching. (fuck i really hate this whole situation, i hate all of this) when we were there thats what we did, however at one point i placed my hand under their shirt and on their waist, and my thumb rested on their underwear. i asked if they were comfortable with it and they said that they were not, so i stopped. because we were cuddling every now and then my hand would brush against their skin, but i made no attempt to force my hands underneath their clothing. at one point, we were discussing preferred roles in sex play, and we both said that we were typically the dom. i asked them, if they wanted to try being dominated with over the clothes grinding/dry humping. they thought about it for a few seconds before responding with “yes okay” with a nod. so we did, after maybe about 10 seconds i stopped and asked if they enjoyed it, and if they wanted to do it more, they nodded and said yes. so we did for maybe about half an hour more. after that we both caught the bus together back to the town where i lived in. on the way we discussed what had happened, to which they said “i wasn’t expecting it to go that far, i have to think about it to makesure that i’m okay with that” and i responded with “i hope everything is okay, and i hope you enjoyed it, i’m sorry if we did anything that made you uncomfortable.” now things kinda fizzled out and i lost complete interest in any kind of relationship with them. then, a few weeks later it started up again. it was even more fucked up this time, and on my part. it was the same night that my girlfriend tried to kill herself, and her parents told me that she did not want to see or talk to me, and then lied to her and told her that i had not even asked to talk to her or see her. anyway that same night the friend that i had the affair with was at my house. we started making out again, and i justified it as i was hurt and my girlfriend had broken a promise she had made and i was telling myself that it was okay, despite the fact it wasn’t something that i really wanted. I’m a satyromaniac and tend to lack the ability to regulate sexual desires, i have it under control now, but i didn’t then. the making out transitioned into the dry humping again, with no words exchanged, but their body language and enthusiasm indicated that they wanted to. afterwards they thanked me and said that they were glad that they got to do that with me again, and i said that i have no interest in ever participating in that again because it was wrong. that was the end of our relationship.

skip forward to 3 weeks ago. i come home to a string of messages from this person. along the lines of this:

“the things you did to me have traumatised me” “you manipulated me and took advantage of me” “you sexually assaulted and abused me” “i did not consent to that”

for months i had been pretending that it had never happened, my girlfriend and i had been going through tough times recently because of things that i had done, some that she had found out, some that i had come clean and told her. i had been tempted to tell her about my affair, but i had recently had an epiphany and realised that she was the one i wanted to spend my entire life with. despite my instincts, as i began to change into the person i should have been, i never told her about anything to do with my affair, as i was too afriad to loose her. things had finally started to get better due to the nonstop effort i was putting in to restore a relationship with the most beautiful girl in the entire world, both physically and personality wise. then they messaged my girlfriend and told them everything.

my girlfriend left the next day. now my girlfriend only know the side of the story that my friend has told them, and they lie and embelish actions taken to portray me as a evil manipulative rapist. my now Ex, and my friend, went around telling all my other friends what had happened, my Ex believing an altered chain of events and my friend lying about what and who i am.

right now, i’m trapped at home, not allowed to message friends, not allowed to return to school. my girlfriend left me as is refusing to talk to me to even let me apologised, turned down birthday and christmas presents i left for her, purely out of kindness. The friend is filing sexual assault alegations through the school, and my friends refuse to speak to me. i feel lost. my entire future seems non existant. i don’t want to live in a world without my Ex girlfriend, i lack the motivation to continue, and i’m facing 6 weeks of school holidays isolated and alone, none of my friends are really willing to hear me talk, let my try and make ammends, i have voiced that i am going to just accept the allegations, even if they aren’t true, and just try to become a better person. but my ex isn’t returning to school next year, she’s leaving to pursue a hairdressing apprenticehship, and today was the last day of school. i’m scared i’ll never get to see her again, i’m scared that i’ll never get the chance to make ammends. 

i’ve lost all direction and hope, i don’t want to be alive in a world without her, but i lack the strength to kill myself, i’ve already tried. i can’t. i can’t even bring myself to eat. i just want to stop existing, i want to go back in time, none of this feels real, it feels like a bad dream. it feels like i destroyed reality

#depression #break up #girlfriend #cheating #regrets #confession #Help #cry for help #mental health

[thisnerdsadventures]

how operating systems went for me

the beginning

In the beginning, there was doubt. And fear. But mostly doubt, because I “sort of” knew C, and I could /kind of/ figure out page tables, and I took the prereq for the class, so it shouldn’t be that bad? Well, I was expecting it to be bad, but absolutely nothing worse than 046 right? because that was known to be the worst of CS at this school, so nothing could be worse than that....right?

Wrong. WRONG! First class I was like, ah you know, i know Linux. I’ve OPENED A FILE BEFORE. I know what a FILE DESCRIPTOR IS. (wrong. i truly did not know what a file descriptor was, in all of its essence.) If you read my Admissions post, you’d know that my life was in the process of being truly wrecked by my paper revisions, so I wasn’t able to start on the first lab until the weekend, and it took me around an hour to do the first exercise, which was really one solid line of code, and I was like well ok, there’s only like five exercises, shouldn’t be too bad.

WRONG AGAIN! the last exercise will forever be engraved in my brain as xargs because it took me and my friend K a solid TEN HOURS. to do the last exercise. JUST THE LAST ONE. It was the first time in maybe like a year I went to an office hours. I had never spent so long thinking about recursion in my life. I have really vivid memories of sitting at the rooftop garden with K at the poolside chairs near the Marriott staring back at the googz office, tear streaming down my face, as I thought ahead about whether I should drop the class early. (ok it wasn’t this dramatic, but I was definitely staring longingly at the coffee baristas through the window.)

And after we finished the lab, we thought, oh maybe this is just a poor learning curve. Maybe it gets better from here.

the crisis begins

*say it with me this time* WROOOOONG - we really thought the next lab would be better because it seemed like the last exercise of the last lab, but slightly expanded. but L o L! we had spent a solid five hours with no progress up until like 3am, when I lied in bed in the dark and panic emailed my advisor, asking to meet the next day. There is a calendar event in my calendar called Cry to John (john’s my advisor). I spent perhaps the entire next day up until my meeting at 4pm working on the lab, making a bit more progress after going to office hours. During my meeting, I relayed how hard the class had been so far, and whether I should drop it to the undergrad version of the class, and it got to the point where I was just like “but its just. SO HARD” and he replied “....it’s a grad class dude”

After I returned home, I consulted my head of house and he also suggested I either drop the class or drop it to the undergrad version. I really was like “lol my dude, I’m already only on 42 units, I can’t really just drop this class. it’s already like two and a half weeks into the semester.” So I ended up dropping it to undergrad status.

A few more late nights pulled because I *surprise* have OTHER CLASSES other than this one, and I still ended up staying up til nearly 3am the night before career fair finishing up the lab. A total of more than 20 hours spent on this lab, and I thought, maybe just maybe this would be the hardest lab.

And the next lab wasn’t too bad. I had spent a solid 12 hours on it, but got it done pretty efficiently. Unfortunately, it was still the time in the semester where I was doing like 1923819238 things and catching up with 1928319238 people, so it felt overwhelming, but wasn’t /that/ bad. so i thought things were turning up! I also met up with my old googz team at around this point and told them that it was a hell class, and they relayed their sympathies.

lazy_alloc

So was it in fact, getting better? WRONGGGGGG. the next lab was perhaps the WORST LAB OF THE ENTIRE CLASS. By this point, we had hit the first week of october, and I had deleted instagram off my phone in an attempt to better focus on classes. due to other things happening, like various house gov events, an 18.06 exam, and another pset, I was only able to put in around 6 hours of office hours time on this lab before Wednesday night, where K and I quickly realized that this shit was no joke, unlike the last lab. We had also met our other friend at office hours who would become the third member of our group chat kalloc==0 (iykyk), and we befriended her after including her in our sarcastic comments about lazy allocation. It was maybe four hours into an all-nighter that we went to Verdes, realized Verdes was closed, and proceeded to sit on the floor of the student center and yell about how hard this class was.

It was then like 5am, and I decided to sleep and wake up in the morning to look at it again. It was then 8:30 am, and then it was 12pm, and then it was 4pm, and I had mandatory class. My friend passed me in Stata and asked how i was, and i replied “look at me. LOOK AT ME”

It was then 6pm. I had spent 20 hours of the past 24 hours doing this lab. and the most extraordinary thing happened -- I got the OK. I cried. I weeped. I texted my friends and let them know I was alive. And I slept for a long time.

exam szn

Ok truly, things could not get that much worse after this right? WRONGGGGGG. the first exam was just around the corner! After maybe a week of rest, I started the grind, a painful realization that I knew nothing, I did not truly know what a page table was, I had no idea how a system call worked, and the throwing shit at the wall style of doing the labs was indeed going to catch up with me. It was the long weekend, but I was still studying 4-6 hours a day on top of everything else I was doing, and many nights in the student center were spent in sadness. I barely remember anything from this caffeine/adrenaline fueled week. And I got a whopping 40% on the exam! yay me

All I remember after the exam was crying from shock in Stata after the exam because it was so hard, eating too much at hot pot and nearly throwing up in the Uber, and almost punching a hole in the ceiling because I was so happy that my score was not single digits. I was actually so tired after a week of studying nonstop that I had to S^3 one of my other psets because I legitimately could not think nor read. My friend was then like why dont you just yeet to new york for a break, and i was like who in the right mind would do that??? and then i yeeted to new york (as you can read about in another post of mine). Truly an amazing decision because I really needed a break from that craziness. After that, the learning curve did chill a little. My life though? no, I went to Princeton for a hackathon, stayed up all night doing stuff for our party, and then managed to finish the very last lab of the class right before Thanksgiving break.

the finish line

This brings us to the last week of the semester, where I thank my lucky stars I dropped to the undergrad version of the class, because I watched K suffer through a whole week of all nighters for the final project, in which I definitely would have straight up had a mental breakdown, because that week was still somehow one of the worst weeks of the semester for me (two poster sessions, exam, two week pset). But luckily I was straight up j chilling until the final because i had finished the last lab before break.

obviously, this takes us to last week, which was our finals week, where I spent 40-50 hours over the course of a week just studying for this exam, which features a day where I had done a midterm from 9am-12pm and then proceeded to study from 2pm to 2am for this operating systems class, and I had had three cups of coffee, which I don’t strongly recommend as a life decision. But after much strife and anxiety, I had mustered out a 60/76 on the final exam, which I thought was a solid B, but much to my shock and my other friend’s delight (she checked my class grade for me), I actually somehow got an A after this shit of a class, despite not knowing how to use a pointer 3 months ago, despite trying to survive against grad students, despite having to pour 18239128983x energy into understanding lectures??? somehow. anyways, now i am absolutely sure I have gone through the worst thing you could ever go through in this school. if anything turns out to be harder than this, i’m pretty sure it’s not worth it lol

#m #it is truly amazing people follow this blog

[eureka-its-zico]

Suddenly I See You: Chapter 9

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

A/N: Finally!! After weeks of writing in small spurts and trying to adjust to working the damn graveyard shift I successfully finished chapter 9. Now, I'm still pretty much exhausted, so my editing maybe shit, so I apologize in advance. I hope you all enjoy this chapter since there’s literally only one left. I want to thank @nicolettesachef​ for the wonderful song she informed me of by Ivan B - Our Time Together. Sidenote: this has a moment of a change of POV to Zico and Minho. You’ve been warned.

Genre: Mino x Reader, Zico x Reader

Words: 11442

Disclaimer: As usual, any gifs used are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!!

I don’t know if you felt that or not. But it felt like two people kissing after hours of thinking about it. It felt like two people talking after nights of silence. It felt like two people touching after weeks of being numb. It felt like two people facing each other after months of looking away. It felt like two people in love after years of being alone. And it felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other.

The Corner of You and Me - Iain S. Thomas

There was a brief moment where your lips parted from Zico. Where his hands still cradled your face and the universe paused its breath and let you hold that moment of wonder in his eyes before it inhaled, and everything changed. In a matter of microseconds you went from feeling like a star resurrected to a comet crashing.

Your eyes watching helplessly as his eyes skimmed your face with a pleading to stay rooted where you stood. A promise to keep you grounded through the pain you knew that was taking shape behind you.

But the aching sound of your name still rang like a cry of sorrow in your ears. A broken record that kept repeating until your bones grew hollow at its skipping beat. Zico’s eyes implored you not to move away: if only it were possible. You wondered if this was how you’d always remember this night. The broken sound of Minho and the misery of losing you in Zico’s eyes as you stepped away.

You turned around to face Minho. His features a rolling mixture of anger and grief. His gaze ticking back and forth between you and Zico, with his fists curling and uncurling at his sides. Rage sparked on his face and you held your breath, ready for him to step forward and cause a fight. But he didn't.

Minho spared you one last fleeting look before he turned and walked away. He moved, and so did you. Your feet carrying you forward with the brief feeling of Zico’s hand reaching out at your back.

“Minho! Yah! Minho!”

Your voice cracked and you raced to catch up with his pace. His long legs covering ground that left you struggling to keep up. You knew he wasn't going to turn around and so you got in front of him with your hands splayed out to stop him, but he moved around you. So you grabbed for his arm and tugged only to have him shake you violently off.

“Minho, please!”

That's when he whirled on you. All that anger before a mask for the destructive sadness that left an imprint of his pain in streaks down his face.

“What do you want?! You made your choice! Go back to him.”

“Minho, please! Zico’s the one that kissed me!”

“And you were what? Powerless to stop it? Don't make excuses, Y/N I saw you! I saw the whole thing.”

“Why are you acting like this?!”

“Because it should have been me!”

Minho’s voice rose with his words but cracked. The tears now streaming down freely to match the pace of your own. His hands reached out to mimic the way Zico had moments early, only to drop back down at his sides.

“But it's too late to tell you isn't it? That I’m in love with you, and I wanted you to be happy with me. That I wanted to be the one you ran to for comfort: instead you ran into the arms of another. It's not me that you love: it's him.”

You tried to take a step forward only to end with a broken sob when he stepped away from you. A hand in frustration trying to rub his face clean to make him seem less calm and more unstable.

“Minho-ah,” you hiccuped. “We can - we can talk about this.”

He shook his head violently as if he could shake your weak attempt at comforting him out of his head. Like a pesky bug that only annoyed him further with no hope of soothing the broken boy in front of you.

“No we can't. Go back to your boyfriend, Y/N. I don't want you anywhere around me.”

His words struck you like a sledgehammer to you chest crippling you until your legs buckled and left you wobbling to stay grounded. Minho didn't stay to see the affect of his words. His feet carrying him forward in a rush that left him sprinting away from you.

It felt like you couldn't breathe past the hiccuping in your chest. Minho’s figure disappearing into the darkness before it grew absent by the tears thata blurred your eyes. Parts of you frayed and ripped until a numbness left you turning on your heels to walk back like a zombie to your dorm. That's when you saw Zico still there and looking vacant as the dead.

“You never wanted to kiss me, did you?”

Your mouth opened like a fish gasping for a breath. No. This is all wrong!

“That's not what I - of course I did.”

The words were meek and desperate. You did want Zico to kiss you. Didn't you? Of course you did. There wasn't a doubt in your mind that was what you wanted, so why did you feel unsure? Zico tucked his hands in his pockets while his head dropped to the ground.

“That's not what it sounds like. It sounds like I was just a stand in. Just the guy who was there because you didn't think you could have him.”

“Jiho,” you sobbed, “it's not like that-”

He moved his hand up to stop you.

“Just-just stop please. I get it now, kitten. It’s my fault for ever thinking I was good enough.”

Zico turned to head in the opposite direction of Minho; leaving you standing paralyzed to watch his retreat. Everything inside of you screamed for you to run after him; to find the right words to get him to understand he meant more to you than that. That he was more than enough. That he’d saved you from believing you weren't worth anyone’s affections, but the spontaneous thought died in your chest as quickly as you’d created it.

Was it possible he’d been a stand-in? You never imagined Minho would admit he felt something for you; past childhood friendship or had the urge to kiss you. Suddenly, the oxygen in your lungs swelled and wouldn't release. You couldn't breathe past the ache that flared like needles in your chest and, this time, your knees did crumble. The only sound that your lungs were able to produce, were hollowed sobs that shook through your body, left alone on the cement, and no one to help you back up.

What was left of your night was in tatters. Tomorrow was a school day. You were supposed to have breakfast with Minho at your usual place. Art class was tomorrow too, and Zico was supposed to be there, but a part of you wondered if he’d be another no show like the day before. You couldn't blame either of them if they never wanted to see your face again. How was it possible to go from being the girl no one wanted, to suddenly being the one two boys’ wanted?

You tried to comprehend it as you sat in a curled ball on your bed. Somewhere in there you thought you’d heard your roommate ask if you were okay. Nothing was okay, and you didn't know how to make it right, but you didn't feel like telling her that. Your brain misfired with reminders that you had homework to turn in. The idea of trying to solve forty-three equations felt impossible. It was an F you were proudly willing to take.

Somewhere between the nonstop chattering of your brain you’d passed out. When you woke up the night before felt like a nightmare; something your subconscious cooked up just to wake you up with a stomach that tossed like you’d consumed the ocean. The effect coating your tongue with a sickness that rendered your voice useless.

You got dressed like you were in mourning and lazily did your hair in a bun. A thousand loose strands making you want to take it down, but you didn't. Your appearance didn't matter when your world was coming apart at the seams. You walked by the café and you weren't sure why. It's not that you expected Minho to be there waiting for you, but a part of you hoped he would. Maybe wanting to see you even after everything that happened. So when you didn't see him, it wasn't a shock. Just another reminder that your nightmare was real life, and this time you couldn't escape it.

The first few classes you were just a body in a room. Another presence that contributed nothing to the discussions; your mind busy preparing itself for art class. You didn't expect for Zico to be there, just like Minho hadn't been at the café, but when you walked in to find him at his usual seat planted thigh-to-thigh with Jae Eun, there was a brief millisecond you couldn’t breathe. You’d tried to inhale a breath, until the air caught in your throat. Your eyes watching helplessly at the way her hand rested on his leg, making what relief you’d felt choke in a flare of jealousy and disappointment.

You could feel Jae Eun’s smug smile without having to actually see it. It grated along your skin with your rage corroding your blood like acid in your veins. You wanted to grab her hand and toss it off of him. To tell her he wasn't just an object to obtain; Zico was so much more than what he pretended to be.

But you did none of that.

Zico didn't make a move to stop her, and his eyes never bothered to glance in your direction. The both of you knowing the other was there, because how could you ignore the presence of someone that saved you countless times from raging currents? So you did your best to raise your head high and stride to your seat a couple chairs away from them. The sound of her giggles making your teeth grind together.

You sat your bag down and took your time removing the charcoal from your bag. Your gaze landing on the stark white of your canvas like an empty void you didn't have a clue how to fill. Your peripherals betraying you by glancing over in their direction. You took note that Jae Eun did a majority of the talking; Zico’s eyes mainly stayed focus on his canvas, without ever giving much to the conversation she held on her own.

You weren't sure whether or not it was something you should take comfort in. The answer being a decisive no when his head turned in your direction. Your eyes locking together for a heartbeat before he swiftly looked away. It was long enough that it gave you what you didn't ask for: seeing you hurt him.

The realization struck you hard and made your eyes search for salvation in the stark white linen. Luckily, your thoughts were interrupted by your teacher making her appearance in front of the class. Her soft plea that you all face forward making your eyes divert up to do as she asked.

“I gave your finals for this semester a lot of thought. There was the usual thesis of classic artists too modern; the range of techniques. Instead, I decided on something much different: I want each of you to paint me something you love. I leave the interpretation open to all of you. It will be due by next week. I leave you all to begin with your concepts now.”

This had to be one big cosmic joke. You expected her to turn around from walking back to her desk and shout, “Just kidding!” Of course, she didn't. She’d ever been the joking kind. Your gaze drifted back to your blank canvas as your mind swirled with attempts of ideas, but came up empty. How could you possibly depict what love was when the mention of it sent you into a whirlwind. What you knew of love was that it hurt. It never worked out. You either had it and lost it or completely failed to see the signs to grab a hold of it. It wasn't simple like the movies, but exhausting trying to map your way through unspoken lines.

Throughout the class the charcoal touched the canvas but never left more than a dot of where it hovered. Your vision constantly flickering over to Zico; wondering of how you could get him to talk to you. When the bell sounded you still hadn't come up with anything foolproof, but you saw him get up to leave, Jae Eun in tow, and your mouth spit out the first thing that popped into your head.

“Jiho, we need to talk about our philosophy finale.”

Jae Eun looked less than amused as she was the first to turn and give you her full attention. You didn't care if she looked down on you or not. Your focus was only on his rigged back and the fact he didn't turn around yet. It felt like you were sinking into the floor when he still didn't say anything. The comfort of him actually turning around did little to ease the feeling. His face was hard as stone as he tipped his head for Jae Eun to go on without him. Her own tsk of disapproval at being dismissed something neither of you cared to acknowledge.

You were sure hours must have passed while you both stood in silence. Zico showed no signs he was going to start the conversation and left his hands inside the pockets of his jeans when you outstretched your hand for him to take. Your hand dropped back down to your side, as you nodded your head for him to, hopefully, follow you out of class.

It all felt wrong; the way you brushed past him and the butterflies didn't burst into your veins, making your heart race in anticipation at his presence. Instead, it cracked as your head kept turning to make sure he was still following you. The way your hand ached at the dismissal he gave making sure every part of him that could, and had, touched you was buried away.

You pushed open the hall door and took the steps one giant leap at a time. The streetlamps beginning to illuminate the sidewalks as the sun began to go down behind the trees. It was a walk that you’d shared with Zico countless times, but this was the first walk that filled every step with apprehension.

When you felt you were far enough away from campus, and any other passing students, you turned to face him. Zico made sure there was a couple feet between you, and you hated the way it made you feel.

“You don't have to worry about the finale. I finished it a couple weeks ago.”

He was talking to you like he used too. When you bumped into each other all those months ago; you were just another person in his way. Your sadness sparked to rage in an instant. Sure, what happened earlier that morning hadn’t been the best thing, but why did any of them get to own the luxury of hurting? What about you? The thought alone was enough to steel your nerves for what you said next.

“Don’t ignore me again, please. I don't deserve it.”

You’d wanted your words to make an impact, but by the fire that flared up behind his eyes, you weren't sure if it was the kind of reaction you wanted.

“You don't deserve it? Y/N, I know you don't deserve it, but if you think we can be buddy-buddy after what happened this morning...you’re delusional.”

The rage that had given you strength to speak came roaring back in a way you never felt.

“What is it with you both?! You act like you hold the monopoly on being heartbroken!”

“Did I ever say that?!” Zico bellowed. He took giant steps that closed the small gap between you, and you struggled to keep your feet from moving back. “I just can't - I can’t just be around while you decide to -”

Zico stopped before he finished. His eyes still holding onto the fire of his pain, but inside you could see it wither. His brows were no longer furrowed. They grown soft like his eyes, as they took in your face. He was the first one to take a step back and it took everything you had not to reach out to him.

“While I decide to what?”

“It doesn't matter,” he dismissed.

“Yes, it does matter. You matter to me, Jiho. I don't want to lose you while I try to figure out how to fix all of this. To get everyone back to when they were happy.”

Zico shook out a snort that left a mirthless laugh floating out into the empty street. His hands placed on his hips as his eyes regarded you like you’d suddenly sprung two heads.

“You know what your problem is?""Oh please, do tell me since you're so goddamn perceptive.""You're so wrapped up in trying to make everyone else happy that you're too scared to find your own happiness. So you let people walk all over you and make you miserable. Normal people would do something to change that, but not you."Zico’s words were perceptive: more than what you wanted it to be. It caused a childish anger to bubble up and make you want to shove him, but you were able to stifle the sensation. So you switched it to the only other equally childish thing to do, which was yell at him and stomp your feet.

"What is so wrong with wanting everyone to be happy?!""It's unrealistic! You can't keep someone happy all the time. You can't make up an excuse to always walk on eggshells. Jesus, Y/N! I like you a lot, and I know- I know you like me too. Why can't that be enough?"Your heart squeezed tight in your chest; mouth clamped tight and eyes burning as you took in his pleading appearance. Here he was telling you what you'd wanted to hear, but it felt wrong and tainted somehow. Nothing felt the same and you didn't know the right thing to say. Maybe nothing was right, but you couldn't leave him in silence, knowing your next words would wound him. "Because...because I can't just leave Minho-ah hurting like that, Jiho."Zico's lips pressed so tightly together they all but disappeared. A feet you would've teased him for if you weren't watching his composure crumble before you. You immediately wanted to take it all back, but could you? If being with him cost you Minho, could you live without him? So many unanswered questions swirled in your head until you got dizzy with the voices. Zico turned away from you as he tried to shield the tears from being seen. He wiped them away roughly with the sleeve of his coat. Instantly, you wanted to take it all back. You wanted to go back and rewrite history and fight harder to stay away from him. Maybe then you wouldn't be the cause of so much pain; watching helplessly as Zico reconstructed his barriers you’d grown to knew so well, and looked back at you like you were nothing more than a stranger. Your heart shattered into a million pieces."Why don't you go be with him, then."He turned on his heel and started walking away, and you couldn't believe it. Your mouth dropping open as you called after him. "Jiho! Jiho!"When he didn't turn around, or show signs of slowing, you decided you would just have to stop him. Without giving it a second thought, you sprinted after him."Jiho, wait!"Your hand latched onto the sleeve of his jacket and he quickly tore it away. Your hands meeting open air as he took a step back from you. "What!? What more do you want!? What more could you possibly have to say?! It’s alright, Y/N. I'm used to not being anyone’s first choice.”

You couldn't ignore it now. The hurt you'd caused him so evident on wet cheeks and shaky breathes. Your own breath caught; words suddenly seeming meaningless. "Please - please don't go like this," you pleaded, even though you knew you didn't have the right to ask that. "What do you expect me to do?" He shouted back in response, startling you to take a step back from him. "I CARE about you Y/N! I want you in my life -" "Then be my friend," you cut in. "Just until I figure this out. Please."A sad smile curved his lips as he took another step away from you. "See, that's your problem. You don't get it. When you love someone the way I love you, you can't just BE their friend."No. He couldn't have just said that. Zico's eyes looked into yours for one last second before they were torn away. His feet carrying him as fast, and as far away, from you as he could get. You watched in a daze while his figure grew farther from you, just before he was swallowed up by a crowd of students. Who knew where they were going and who were you to care? When the only person you did care about walked out of your life.

You found a bench to help stabilize your legs before you collapsed on the sidewalk. Everything about your body felt numb. You couldn’t think, much less feel past what just happened. Normally, you’d be trying to think of some way to fix it but all thoughts were muffled; like a pillow held down by your subconscious to keep your scream from being heard.

Your hand dug into the pocket of your coat for your phone. The only person who’d bothered to call or text was your eomma, and that was the last person you wanted to talk too at the moment. You scrolled through your recent calls and found Minho’s name. Your finger lazily tapping it to begin a call that wouldn't be answered. You tried a few more times before you tucked it back into your pocket and stood up. You’d decided after the third unanswered call that you would just bombard him at his dorm like last time. His roommates be damned.

When you arrived at the boy’s dorm you were greeted with the same looks and whistles. All trivial things you found easy to ignore: nothing was going to keep you from your goal. You stopped in front of his dorm and began pounding. The sound of Minho’s voice came from inside. It was an agitated thing demanding to know where was your patience. Well, if he must know, you’d left it somewhere outside your dorm earlier, haunting the last place you’d stood trapped between the two men.

Minho opened the door in a violent pull that made you want to take a step back. His face contorted to match, but your feet were grounded to their spot and you refused to be unmoved. Minho’s eyes widened for a half a second before they resumed their earlier irritation. It was enough to make your breath catch in the worst way. A scream trapped inside your lunges that beat against the tissue like a prisoner shouting for its release.

“What are you doing here?”

His question was sharp and laced heavily with annoyance. If he wanted to be stubborn, well, so could you.

“You didn't answer any of my phone calls.”

He leaned his forehead against the arm that still held the door open. Minho’s eyes closing as a sigh left him before he spoke.

“Did you ever think I did that for a reason.”

“I know you did. It still doesn't mean that we don't need to talk.”

“About what? There’s nothing left to say, Y/N.”

You refused to let him dismiss you so easily. Your eyes catching the empty space he’d left open enough for your body to duck underneath him. Without giving it another thought, you took the chance and moved under it and entered his room. Your body turning to face him as you took more steps back into the room.

Minho turned and let the door close behind him. His eyes taking in your presence as an unjust grievance done to him. You hated every second of it.

“There is plenty left to say, Minho-ah. You don't get to just say those things and walk away from over a decade of friendship.”

Your hands were ringing so tightly to the strap of your bag you wondered if it would start a fire. The melancholy thought something you found comfort in. If you had to die, why not go out now? Before everything you’d ever cared about was completely torn away from you.

A hand rushed into his hair, grabbing it roughly, and shook it before it fell down to scrub over his face. You’d never seen him look so agitated at your presence before, and it only caused to wound you further.

“Fine. What is it you want to talk about?”

“Why didn't you ever tell me you felt that way about me? You knew - you - you must have known Minho, that I felt the same way. For years.”

For a brief second his face softened, and you saw the Minho you’d always known and loved. It didn't last long until it went back to being empty like the canvas you’d left in art class. Unreadable, as it was untouchable.

“Maybe I was scared. Did you ever think about that? I wondered constantly if I told you if it would scare you away. If it would change things and not for the best.”

“So you let me watch as you chose other girls over me?! While you loved other girls that weren't me?!”

“I told you I never loved them, Y/N!”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? You still held them and kissed them and god knows what else, Minho-ah! They had you in ways I used to dream of being able to have you!”

Minho rushed forward and your feet back pedaled until your back collided with the wall. He didn't stop after your eyes went wide and his arms reached out to plant his hands on either side of you, trapping you between him and alabaster wall. His eyes scanned over your face and you felt your hands drop from your bag, fingertips playing with his shirt.

You weren't sure what you were supposed to expect when his right hand slide down the wall, and his fingers touched down on the side of your jaw. You calculated every inch they moved to trace until they landed on your chin with his eyes darting to look at your lips. You found your voice somewhere in the touch but never got to use it when he finally covered the inches between you. His lips landing on yours abruptly.

Minho’s kiss wasn't timid like Zico’s. It held a crushing weight of a man drowning and tore the words right from your throat. Your fingers barely wrapping in the fabric of his shirt when he pushed back and far away from you.

The anger that dissipated moments ago now creasing his handsome features to something poisonous, and left your stomach curling in fear of what came next.

"I can't do this. I can't have you here like this, Y/N. I need some time to myself, and that means without you.""What does that mean?""It's means exactly what it sounds like, Y/N!"You were shaking and you couldn't stop. You weren't sure if you were angry or hurt or in plain agony. It felt like a collapsing mixture of all of the above. His words leaving you unable to even care that for the first time, ever, you’d kissed. Your lip quivered and you bit down on it; struggling to keep your composure. You lost. "Why are you doing this?! Who says you get to just make such a detrimental decision about us without even discussing it me!”

"Discuss what,Y/N!?" Minho erupted so suddenly that it forced your back to push closer into the wall. Your eyes widened with shock as you drew your arms to your chest. "Every single time I'm around you now all I see is him and you. Kissing each other. It makes it so damn hard to look at you. I’d dreamed of the day I’d get to finally kiss you, and it feels...wrong."You couldn't stop yourself before you shoved him. Overcome with so much emotion that it was now streaming down your face in hot tears that burned trails on your cheeks, and left your mouth in strangled screams. "Why are you punishing me for something you did?! WHY?! It's not my fault that you kept this all to yourself! You could've told me, Minho!"His face was emotionless as stone as he took hold of your arms and simply dragged you too the door. He kept your arms locked at your sides just in case you tried to wiggle free, but he had a death grip, and you were glass. "You're right: it is my fault. Now- get out."He held the door open for you. He resigned to his anger and his hurt and refused to budge. You knew it was useless trying to talk to him now. That look was pure stubbornness that kept him in trouble and left him saying things he didn't mean, just to wound others. But he didn't need words to wound you. You were already bleeding at the severity of his demand and the knowledge that he honestly meant it. He didn't want you there and, maybe, not ever again. You couldn't stop the quivering of your lips this time as you held your chin up. Your own stubbornness flaring to life due to his willingness to throw you away. "Fine, Minho. Have it your way."You grabbed the handle and forced the door free from his hand slamming it as hard as you could behind you. Your anger carrying you in a rush down the halls in a sprint. When you hit just shy of the outside steps you could feel your body begin to break down. Your legs giving out somewhere on the lawn, hidden underneath the shadows of a tree as you slumped into the grass. The weight of your world tipping; all of it crashing down in pieces around you.

-----------------------

It didn't take much for you to call your eomma after that once you got back to the dorm. You’d resigned to the fact by the end of this week it would be your last semester here. You’d be somewhere abroad living a life your parents created for you. A punishment that left you grateful, because that would mean Zico and Minho could go on without having to see your face or you theirs. The constant reminder of the mess you’d made soon would just be an afterthought you could all look back on without any grievance.

You were still dressed when you curled up in a ball on your bed. The strap of your bag tangled around your elbow, but you didn't care much to shake it off with your knees tucked close to your chest, and the dial tone ringing in your ears. You were about ready to give up when the sound of her, “Hello,” came over the line.

“Y/N? Are you there?”

“Ye, eomma.”

“Why have you been ignoring me for so long? Don't you know we’ve been worried sick the past couple days not knowing where you’ve been? I was so scared -”

Her voice cut out into a light sob. It wasn't what you expected to hear, and the guilt it caused was enough to make the tears you’d been holding back roll down the tip of your nose and on your pillow.

“Eomma, I'm sorry. I just needed time alone. You can tell appa if he wants to send me abroad he can. I won't argue anymore.”

She must have heard the sadness behind your words; your surrender evident. When she spoke next it was softer, reminding you of the times you were little, and hiding behind your dollhouse crying because you were lonely. Her voice sympathetic, holding your hand, and filled with fight.

“Why this sudden change, Y/N? What's going on?”

You wanted to tell her everything. That you weren't just a failure to them, but in connecting with people. You’d hurt two of the most important people you’d ever held in your life, and felt like you deserved the greatest punishment they could think of.

“Eomma -” you sobbed. “I messed up so bad,” was what croaked out instead.

Their heaviness sent your body rolling until your face crammed into your pillow. The fabric being enough to contain the sob that racked through your body and left it trembling. Your sobs so loud you could barely hear her calming shushing over the other line.

“Baby, it’s all going to be alright. You can come talk to your appa about this. I think you’ve both misunderstood each other for too long.”

Of course, she wouldn't think it was about anything else but the tarnished relationship with your appa. How could she ever know it had to do more with two boys. A piece of you wanted to tell her, but how could you? The information something she was never used too, because all your life you’d never been anyone’s first choice: until now. From what she’d always told you, your appa was her first love. The classic high school sweethearts that grew into things that modern day fairy tales were made out of. At least, that's what you thought until your grandmother told you the real reason they married was because your eomma got pregnant with you at seventeen.

It seemed a fitting explanation why your appa always seemed to treat you like a burden. You were the unexpected chest piece that showed up on his board and stripped away his control.

“Alright, eomma. I’ll come by sometime this week and speak with him.”

“That’s good, baby. Y/N...you know that I love you, very much. Don't you?”

Your eomma’s soft tone made you hold your breath. The room swelled in its stillness until it almost felt like the boogeyman coming to suffocate you. Your mother hadn't been this way with you in years; not since you were younger.

“Ye.”

Your reply was hesitant, but she didn't seem to notice.

“I know I haven't always been there for you, like I should have. I...I just wanted to say that if there’s anything else that’s bothering you, I’m always here to listen.”

Your free hand curled into a fist and you pressed its knuckles against your lips. A weak attempt to keep yourself quiet as your eyes shut and released fresh tears. You wanted to take her up on her offer, but the wounds were far too fresh to take her invitation on good faith. You were still debating when you felt your bed dip down at your feet, and your eyes shot open to see your roommate at the end of it.

She didn't seem mad that you’d woken her from her obvious sleep. Her eyes regarding you instead, with a compassion you weren't ready to see. She moved a timid hand to your back and when you didn't move to brush her aside, began to run it in soothing strips up and down your back.

The comfort made your teeth bit  down into your bottom lip, but it was already too late. Your tears betraying how much the action meant. You tried to sound calm as you rushed through getting off the phone with your eomma. It was a delicate balance between politeness and rudeness. You figured you were successful when she finally hung up on her end, letting you know one last time that she loved you.

The moment the receiver clicked and the silence of the room, distorted only by the momentary sound of your shaking breath, swam back to surround you it was there you let yourself fall apart. Your heart and mind seeming to come to an agreement that there was no longer a need to keep it together. You surrendered to the monumental agony that’d been building in your chest, and found comfort in the smallest touch of a stranger.

-----------------

ZICO

You tasted like cinnamon and mint; white hot and scalding. Your lips angelic while he wondered if he tasted like sin and brimstone illuminated by hazy lights and starry nights. Zico's nerves exploded in a euphoric blend of lavender and citrus and he knew it was your scent, long before he woke up with it stained into the fabric of his sheets.

He can't remember the last time his heart ever beat so fast or his stomach was filled with butterflies that housed knots of indecision. Whether or not doing something was okay for another person, but goddamn it you looked so beautiful and ethereal and you deserved to know what it felt like to be worshipped.

There were moments, like now, when he sat at his desk alone in his room or on the limestone bricks on the roof of the arts department that he swore he could feel you. There wasn't a safe place for him to find solitude in the emptiness he craved. Everywhere he went he found you.

When he came home and stormed into his room, Zico had wanted to rip the sheets off his bed and toss them into the trash. He knew that no amount of washing could erase the softness of your scent or the fact his mind knew your body had been wrapped up inside them. For a moment, Zico thought damaging the memory, to match how he felt, would be enough to ease the hurt that burned inside his chest. He’d gotten as far as ripping the sheets off the bed when his hands began to shake violently. His rage replaced by the sickening thought that if he tossed them it’d be like losing you all over again.

So he left the house and found his way back to campus. The sun already setting when he got up to the roof and found his usual spot over the side. Even that felt tarnished.

Zico couldn't stop himself from glancing to his right, in the place you’d come to claim as your own. With every look he expected to see you already sitting there; a smile so warm greeting him Zico swore it was brighter than the sun.

And that's how it felt having you in his life.

In his entire life, Zico never believed in love. Well, maybe he did, but if life had taught him one thing it was to always be cautious. He’d seen what love had done to his mother and how it’d left her alone. Zico had felt the devastation that came after the people you loved the hardest decided you weren’t valuable enough to make them stay. He’d experienced it with turned backs and unanswered calls that left him struggling to pick up the pieces of his fragile heart.

The first life lesson he remembered taught him to never get attached, and he’d done that. Sure, he wasn't a saint, and he probably wasn't always the best guy, but he never lied. He never promised anyone things he knew he couldn't deliver. He’d come up with a system that worked out beautifully, but nothing is perfect; there would always be unexpected flaws.

And then you came.

You were something cautious, yet wild. A conundrum of shyness, yet held a tenacity of spirit. You lived your life with a fire in your eyes, and a careful tongue with a heart that screamed for someone to save you from a drowning life. Zico learned his favorite moments were when your cautiousness subsided and opened up to him. His fingers able to delicately turn pages beyond words and actions, and take notice solely on simplistic things. Like when you smiled at him as if he was enough to chase away your demons. Enough to teach you to spread your own wings and be brave and enough to embrace every moment, every part of who you were, and all that came with it.

He’d found himself taking notice of the way you sometimes chewed your hair when you read paragraphs in textbooks. The single digit scrunch of your forehead as you struggled to figure out a problem or a disagreement that was taking shape. How you poked your rice three times before you even began to eat it. It was something so odd Zico wasn't entirely sure you even knew you did it. In all these things he learned of a little girl who always wanted to see the Nutcracker during holidays, but never got too. How you hated learning chest so much you’d buried the board in the backyard and blamed it on the dog, and that you’d struggled so hard to teach yourself guitar in the sanctuary of your treehouse that your fingers cracked all because your appa didn’t approve.

It was all those moments wrapped around a thousand more that Zico realized he loved you. That night he’d talked you out of studying to grab ice cream and chased you inside the park. Your face bright with laughter, out of breath, and your head resting against the gunmetal chain of the swing. It must have been a second, but it felt like forever. The way the realization hit him was as if his entire world had been shrouded in darkness and then, suddenly, you were there. The darkness inside of him vanished, the sun had finally came out, and Zico could breathe. He knew in that split second of watching you be fireworks beside him: he loved you.

He was in love with you, and it terrified him beyond reason, because what possibly could the night ever offer up in hopes to be close to the sun?

--------------

MINHO

He wouldn't walk past the cafe he met you at every morning for your usual cinnamon roll. He didn't call to ask for you to go see a movie or meet him in Hongdae. Because every time he thought of you a void opened up inside him and strangled what air he had left from his lungs.

When Minho thought of you, he didn't think about the fact he’d finally kissed you: your lips tainted by another. In the past week Minho woke from nightmares that left him drenched and heart thundering. It seemed even his subconscious wouldn't be able to flee from what he’d seen. His feet carrying him to the same spot, like a cruel play with his queue always marked and ready for his heart to break.

His eyes taking in Zico’s glided steps to close the space between you. The way his hands tenderly took hold of your face before his lips crash landed on yours. Zico’s kiss honestly wasn't what had left Minho hollowed as the broken man he was now. It was his eyes flicking to watch your toes lift up to meet him. It was the way you noticeably kissed him back, without fever, but with tenderness that matched the way Zico’s hands delved into your hair.

It was a kiss full of irrefutable feelings; you loved him. This other man who’d literally collided as a comet into both your worlds, and like a cancer, only grew until the only option Minho had left was to surgically remove him. But he’d been too late.

It seemed that being late would be a recurring plague in his life. He’d been too late to notice your feelings; willfully choosing to pretend they weren't there when they’d been so painfully displayed all your high school years. Always able to notice the struggle of a smile you tried to create just to please him when he’d started dating his first girlfriend. The way you’d offered to help him pick a sixty day anniversary present, and there to console him when she’d broke his heart.

He knew it was that day in the park that made him finally see you. The way you were able to look past your own hurt if it meant that he would be happy. It was such a selfless thing that for a brief moment it’d made him angry. A spark of rage at the timid nature you alway chose to address things, but with a simple look your eyes extinguished his broken hearted agony. The comfort there making him realize maybe you were really the strongest out of them both.

Minho knew locked inside you were childhood comforts. A future built in knowing the imperfections of another, but only seeing it's what turned each other beautiful. It was such a funny thing to realize he was in love with you, while you shoved his favorite binsu in his face, but that's what it was.

Maybe it was his fault for not telling you. His heart only full of doubt at his piss poor timing. It felt wrong to tell you with the tears of a break up still stained on his face. The last thing he wanted was for you to think you were a rebound. A part of him fearing maybe that’s what he saw you as for a brief moment, but he knew, as the months passed and he helped you prepare for your college exams, that it wasn't true.

Minho loved you wholeheartedly, and maybe this, watching another man love you, was his punishment for never telling you.

-------------

The next couple days blurred together in a haze like that of a daydream. You sat in classes, but didn't hear the teachings. Your gaze locked in million yard stares past the off-white canvas until your arm ached so bad from being held up that it brought you back to the present.

You didn't see either of the boys, and hadn't heard a word from them. Your fingers danced over their names and untyped words that called them cowards in your rage, and pleas in your loneliness. You’d spent so much time in your room you didn't know much of what was going on. You’d overheard things about end of the semester parties and offers to go to bars to celebrate.

The thought of putting any alcohol to your lips left your stomach tossing, but a dull ringing of, “Why not?” questioning in your head. It didn't feel like you held anything left to lose by joining classmates at a bar. Plus, you’d never been and always wanted to go. It didn't matter that Minho promised to be the one to take you. He was as good as gone at this point so why shouldn't you allow yourself some reckless abandon? Your answer came in tiger-shaped lids and mandarin lips.

From the second you’d step inside the bar your body erupted in sensory overload, causing your head to whip around blindly for the body you knew the gaze belonged too. You weren't sure exactly what you expected to find when you saw him. If the room was supposed to stop and music would begin to play. If, for some reason, you’d end up beside each other with the ability to forget all about the last couple days and the trouble that laid in their past.

Of course, none of that happened. Why would it? The universe didn't pay you any favors, and it likely wasn't going to start now. However, it didn't stop the breath of hope to swell in your chest when your eyes locked with his. A beanie snug against his head with midnight hair peeking out. He discarded his usual attire of snapbacks, hoodie, and jeans. Tonight, he was represented by a jean jacket and black tee with matching jeans. A casual softness you’d yet to have seen.

He looked breathtaking. Yet, what actually stole your breath was something more sour than sweet. He was seated with friends you’d seen around him; people constantly drawn to him for the coolness he projected, and the hidden ability to be everyone’s calming center. With someone like Zico it was easy to see why he was so popular and, like now, girls flocked to his side.

The drop in your stomach felt endless as your eyes took notice of the beautiful caramel haired girl at his left. An arm wrapped underneath his so her hand could rest comfortably on his forearm. She was leaning in laughing, and gorgeous, and you were sickeningly reminded how generically replaceable you’d always been.

That’s when the anger hit. The exact moment looking at him, with his hands cradling his beer, went from hurting to making your tongue turn sharp with venom.

How could someone claim to say they loved you, but willfully let another act like he was theirs? Zico must have been able to sense your shift in mood. He moved to sit up straight in his seat while his brows furrowed, but never lost sight of you in the crowd. You refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing you at all and turned on your heel heading straight for the bar.

It was already crowded by other students and patrons struggling to get a drink. Your frame easily swallowed up by the mass of bodies. You didn't really care that you were squished between people you hardly knew. Their bodies giving you a moment to breath and your emotions to settle. You were so occupied in your head that you didn't realize you were finally at the bar when a hand patted down on the wood in front of you.

“What are you having?”

What were you having? You weren't an expert drinker. The last party you’d been too proving that perfectly well, but you had to tell him something. So you blurted the first thing you could think of: your mom’s favorite drink during cocktail hour.

“Can I get a pineapple upside down cake?”

From the look the bartender gave you it instantly made you question your own judgement. It changed, however, when he moved away and got started on making your drink. He placed down a concoction that was colorfully reminiscent of orange juice and asked for the payment. You handed him a large bill and took a sip while you waited for your change, pleasantly surprised to find it alcoholicly delicious.

Your baby sips quickly turned to long pulls from the straw that’d been placed in your drink. The vodka giving you a spike in courage to talk to a group of students who you remembered were in your physics class. It seemed with them the drinks came easier and soon your mind was swimming.

You weren't all too sure if the boy in front of you - Yukwon? - was actually funny or if the alcohol made him entertaining. A part of you not caring as you found yourself laughing at his jokes and appreciating the way he leaned in to gently brush your shoulder with his. The boy felt like it was possible to forgot about the other presence of a body that consumed the room and your thoughts.

So when his hand reached out for yours, you didn’t try and pull away. Not caring when he used it to tug you closer to his chest with his arm wrapping around your shoulders. A giggle escaping against the glass of your latest drink when his nose nuzzled into your neck. It seemed innocent, but you knew deep down it wasn’t. Maybe it was that brief idea that left you in a momentary paralysis.

No matter how sad you were the guy next to you could never be Minho, with years of comfort making it easy to get lost in his arms. He could never be Zico, with a touch that left you weak and begging to be molded. It was enough to make you move to break away from his side and try to make some space between you. He was noticeably resistant: weakly attempting to coax you into being more agreeable with half assed whispers of, “Come on, baby,” making you grow ill.

You were ready to start chastising yourself for showing any kind of interest in him. His once sweet gestures turning forceful, as he grabbed to keep you from rising out of your seat.

“Hey!” You shouted.

It wasn’t the most eloquent way to state your displeasure, but it felt like it got the job done. The small statement enough to help you wiggly your wrist in his grasp. You went to speak again when another voice rose to the occasion.

“I’m going to give you three seconds to let her go before I remove your sorry ass myself.”

Your eyes followed the voice to the body that stood in front of you. The sound belonging to someone who was more than familiar, and left your heart pounding against your ribs like a caged animal. But when your eyes landed on him, he didn't look like your Zico.

Your Zico was all fierce glares and midnight root hair with bleached ends. He never went without snapbacks and sweaters and constantly wore expensive Jordan’s and Nike’s that he cherished like his children. This boy held the same dangerousness but appeared much softer than the boy who snuck up on you in the library just to make you jump in fright, ending with you smacking his arm.

The would-be distractions grip loosened on your wrist, and you didn't waste the opportunity to bolt up from the booth. Unfortunately for you, all the drinking seemed to have paralyzed your legs from functioning properly, causing you to stumble forward like a newborn giraffe.

The Zico imposter easily reached out to grab a hold of your shoulders before you collided into him. His knees bending so he could be about your height to look you in the eyes. Apparently, what he saw looking back at him left a noise of disapproval leaving his lips.

“Come on, I'm gonna take you back to the dorm.”

His hand curved underneath your arm and grabbed hold. When he moved, you moved or, more accurately, he pulled and you stumbled. He seemed unfazed by your weak attempts to pry his fingers off or shake free. He just kept weaving you both through people and tables like he’d done this a thousand times until you slammed open the bar door and a gust of cold air froze against your tights.

“Let go of me!”

You smacked his hand but his hand wouldn't budge. A groan left you when you wondered if this is how the entire walk home would be. The thought was short lived when he suddenly let you go, and you went stumbling forward with the leftover momentum. Luckily, he caught you just before you ate shit.

“There. You see what happens when I let go!” He scolded. “You're too drunk to be able to make unimpaired decisions and certainly too damn drunk to walk.”

“I don't need a lecture from anyone. Especially not from you.”

You weren't quite sure if the glare in his eyes was solely meant for you. While you were positive you were the only two people on this particular sidewalk, your vision wasn't the greatest.

“And what is that supposed to mean, Y/N?”

Suddenly your head hurt; hell everything hurt. When Zico spoke your name it was enough for you to realize your Zico imposter was him. It was painful to know he was hurting and you caused it, but you were angry. Hell, you deserved to be. So instead of cowering behind your hands and shoulder shrugs, like you always did, this time you hardened your bones like iron.

“It means I walk in and as usual there’s a gorgeous girl attached to your freakin’ hip! I know you're hurting; I know I did that and I’m sorry - so so sorry, Jiho.” Your voice began to tremble as the first tear rolled down your cheek, and you hated yourself for it. “I asked for you to give me some time, and you left me. You replaced me. How can you tell someone you love them, just to replace them?”

You weren't sure what you expected to happen when Zico stepped forward. Each one feeling like the earth shifted under your feet and your pulse thundered with uncertainty. His long legs bringing him to stand inches in front of you. You were hopelessly transfixed on his eyes and lips and prayed he answered you with another kiss. That problems were simply solved like those in the movies where everyone embraced, or locked, in a kiss.

This wasn't a movie.

The sadness in Zico’s eyes couldn't be ignored, and you wondered if he was just a mirror of your own reflection. If he could see that your throat constricted around whispering out that you loved him too. A part of you always had, but you chose to ignore it, because things were complicated: you were complicated.

He wasn't Minho, and you never figured out how to look past it. You couldn't understand how, if you felt like it was true love with Minho, how you could've fell in love with Zico in the first place. How he could've fallen in love with you.

You didn't say any of it. Just like last time you stared up at him with your insecurities keeping you mute. Zico’s own decision finally hardening his features as he turned to face his back towards you and bent at the knees.

“Let’s just get you home, Y/N.”

To keep from crying you bit down violently on your bottom lip and shook your head. He couldn't see it, but you did it anyways. Your arms wrapping around his neck with your forearms resting on his broad shoulders. His hands moved to find a respectful place to help hoist your legs around his waist before he straightened out and started walking.

You knew there wasn't going to be anymore conversation. Zico made it clear he didn't want to take part in it. The thought of him actually being done with you left a sickening feeling in your gut. You closed your eyes and rested your cheek on his back. The scent of his woodsy cologne that soaked into more clothes than you cared to admit hitting you. Usually, it comforted you even on your worst day, but tonight...tonight it only seemed to break your heart faster.

Somewhere between thinking and closing your eyes you ended up falling asleep. Your eyes fluttering open as Zico struggled to hold you up and get the lock to turn over with the key.

“You gotta jiggle it,” you mumbled into his shirt.

“What?”

“Jiggle. It.”

Zico let out a huff as he did as you instructed. The sound of your door opening seconds later had him holding you up under your arms and struggling to move you inside. It made you want to laugh at how ridiculous it probably looked, but the laughter faded when the motion of your swinging body sent your stomach in an uproar.

“Bathroom!” You bellowed. “Bathroom!”

Zico didn't need anymore direction than that. He picked you up bridal style and bolted back out the door and towards the communicable dorm showers. He didn't bother knocking or calling to see if anyone was occupying a shower. He just rushed inside and moved towards the nearest stall and lightly kicked it open before dropping in the nick of time to dry heave into the toilet.

You could feel him holding your hair back from your face and the light rub of a soothing hand across your back. The touch felt too intimate for someone who willingly chose to stay away. You knew, no matter how kind he was now, Zico wasn't likely to come back. You didn't blame him, but your heart couldn't handle the kindness he showed. All of it chalking up to memories that would only haunt you later. So you said the only thing you knew that would send him running: “I want Minho-ah.”

It wasn't necessarily a lie. You did want Minho. You just didn't want to have to ask for him like this. However, the mention of his name was enough to make Zico’s hand vacate your back. You should've been happy with your results, instead you were filled with nothing but regret. A feeling you were beginning to become well acquainted with.

The bathroom fell silent in a way you hated. The only sound that filled your ears was your heavy breathing and a nose stuffy from crying. You reached out to grab a handful of toilet paper to blow it when Zico asked, “Where's your phone?”

You turned your head to look back at him, but he wasn't looking at you. Your voice unable to create words you shoved your purse at him with the tip of your shoe. Zico took the hint and bent down to rummage through it until he produced your phone in your hands.

“What do you have him as in your phone?”

“Hugeboy,” you replied meekly.

You were slouched with your back against the stall and gaze locked on your fidgeting hands playing with the tissue. You could hear the faint sounds of a dial tone before Zico took a few steps away from you. You were positive that Minho wasn't going to answer anyways, and felt surprise flood you when you heard Zico reply with a quick, “Anneyeong.”

“Yeah, I'm not really excited to be talking to you either, dude. She’s fine. She was at a bar. No, you dipshit I took her back to the dorm before someone else got her. I'm calling cause she asked for you. Just hurry up, alright.”

The call ended with a heavy sigh from Zico. Your head lifting to glance at his shadowed figure, with his hands on his hips, while he stared down sadly at the grossly colored tile. When he looked up you sharply turned forward and realized as you swallowed down a rush of nausea how bad of an idea it’d been.

Zico stepped towards you and dropped onto his hunches to drop your phone back inside your purse. He slung it over his arm and reached out to gently take your arms to help you begin to stand.

“Can you walk?”

You gave a small nod and added, “I think so.”

With a secure arm placed under you, Zico helped you move back towards your room. It was a slow walk, but one you were happy you’d been able to make. When you reached the inside he’d deposited you on your bed. His body scurrying around the small room as he hung up your jacket and purse, before he ended crouched back at your feet. His hands began to carefully remove your shoes and you hated yourself for how hard it was not to cry.

“Jiho...you don't have to do this.”

He was quiet you weren't sure he would answer. His reply coming moments later after he’d placed your shoes back at the door’s entrance.

“You aren't feeling good. The less amount of movement you have to do the better it will be on your stomach. Now just lie down. Minho said he’d be here shortly.”

You watched him as he moved to the darkest part of the room. His hand dragging your chair to the end of your roommate’s empty bed. Your body feeling unable to lie back until you were sure he hadn’t actually left. You didn't try and crawl under the covers or remove your sweater. Your eyes locked on Zico’s position as if he’d simply vanish into thin air. You weren't aware you’d started dozing off until he spoke. His voice cracking through the silence like lightning making your eyes bolt open.

“I wish I could be that selfless guy who can say that he can be there for you while you make your choice. I wish that was me, Kitten, because I hate knowing that I'm a reason you're hurting. But I'm not that guy. I'm not brave enough to hope that in the end you’ll chose me. I can't watch you love somebody else.”

The whole time he spoke, Zico’s gaze stayed on his clasped hands in his lap. His body too shrouded in darkness to be able to accurately tell if what the brief moment of light had shown was a tear or just a reflection from outside.

Tell him.

That little voice inside you raged.

Tell him before it's too late and there’s no second chance.

Your mouth opened a crack and you thought for the first time you just might. The door opening stopped you short as the figure of Minho stood in the hallways light. Zico rose to his feet then, and you wanted to beg for him not to go.

Don’t go like this when I still haven't told you.

But your voice stayed silent as you watched him walk to the door. His head giving a brief nod to Minho before he squeezed past him and out the door. Minho closed the door behind him and you averted your eyes back to the safety of your pillowcase. The soft shuffling of his feet letting you know he was close before the edge of your bed dipped down under his weight.

“I’m only going to stay until I know you're asleep,” Minho spoke.

You knew he didn't need you to answer him but you did anyways. A soft nod from you rustling against the fabric just as you closed your eyes. It wasn't long before the alcohol pulled you into a sleep that, thankfully, didn't hold any chance of dreaming.

---------------------

Minho wasn't surprised to see Zico hadn't actually left. The older of the two boy’s sitting on the steps  with his back towards the dorm. His arms resting on his knees as he looked down at the bricks, probably seeing nothing of the worn crimson and all the problems they both seemed to share.

Maybe that's why Minho found himself tucking his hands in his trench to bring it in close as he sat down next to him. It was a move Zico didn't calculate from him, which is probably why he looked so shocked. The dark circles stating plainly he was exhausted, but Minho was willing to bet he would've stayed awake all night if that meant Zico knew you were okay.

Minho turned away from him, because he didn't want to see what he had already known. Zico was in love with you. That love something Minho couldn't bring himself to forgive, because whether or not he could accept it, he knew you loved Zico too.

“I guess I should be telling you congratulations,” Zico huffed out.

His head leaning back to look up at the night sky. Minho’s brow scrunched in confusion as he watched him stretch.

“For what?”

“Really, freshman?” Zico laughed mirthlessly. “She wanted you. In the end, it's always going to be you she wants.”

Zico’s words should have made him feel like he’d won the lottery. He’d be lying if he said that he didn't gain some satisfaction from Zico’s statement, but he knew it wasn't necessarily true.

“She only wants me because I've always been there. Y/N has never known anything, or anyone, else. Until you.”

The both of them turned to glance at the other. Neither of them moving to speak as they silently acknowledged the fact you held them at your mercy. Two men who were hopelessly in love with the same girl. Zico was the first to look away from him; his long legs stretching out in front of him before he moved to stand.

“I still hate you.”

A bark of laughter left Minho unexpectedly. His tongue running over his teeth before he moved to stand next to Zico. The both of them falling into step as they started walking away from your dorm.

“Yeah. I still hate you too.”

#woo jiho #woo jiho scenarios #woo jiho fanfiction #zico #zico scenarios #zico fanfiction #block b #block b scenarios #block b fanfiction #song mino #song mino scenarios #song mino fanfiction #song minho #song minho scenarios #winner #winner scenarios #winner fanfiction #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfiction #kpop au #college au

[tyleroakley-obsessed]

Memphis DJ Ashley Wimbush aka DJ Alpha Whiskey takes her talents to the lobby at Central Station this Friday night April 24 for an all-ladies soul music dance party—streaming live into your living room at 8:30 p.m. This is the second of four parties in the Memphis Music Hub DJ Series, which you can read more about here. See last week’s DJ Spanish Fly set in 360° Smell-O-Vision Magic here. This Friday night, I’ll share DJ Alpha Whiskey’s tunes via I Love Memphis accounts Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  Photo by Gabrielle Duffie. All-Ladies Memphis Soul Dance Party This Friday Night Holly: I really want to know your story! But first, real quick—What can Memphis music fans from around the world expect during your set on Friday? Ashley: I’m going to spin classics from amazing women like Aretha Franklin, Carla Thomas, Anita Ward…women who paved the way for a lot of us female artists. I want listeners to feel the music as if they are at a real concert or show. I have records that will make you sing and dance nonstop! Holly: What can you tell us about the all-women soul theme? What does that mean to you? Ashley: I am happy that Memphis honors and recognizes female artists. These beautiful women inspire(ed) a lot of female artists to sing and pursue musical careers. Their voices were powerful and you felt every word they sang! I am very honored to be able to spin their records on Friday night and let world hear the Women of Soul!   View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Stax Museum (@staxmuseum) on Apr 1, 2020 at 9:27am PDT Why “Alpha Whiskey”? Holly: I know you’ve answered this question many times, but: where does your name come from? Ashley: My name is Ashley Wimbush and I am an Air Traffic Controller. We use the phonetic alphabet to communicate with one another and my initials are Alpha Whiskey. Alpha Whiskey also describes me as a person. I’m an Alpha female, who believes in empowering women to have confidence and faith. Whiskey gives you life if you drink responsibly and that’s what I do as a DJ. I bring energy and life to people through music. Music is a release. A Little Background Holly: Where are you from? How long have you lived in Memphis/how did you get here? Ashley: I was born and raised in Virginia. I’ve been here six years. Holly: How did you get started as DJ? Ashley: I’ve always wanted to be a DJ because I love music and dancing. In 2017 my boyfriend who is a Business and Marketing Consultant asked me if I wasn’t an ATCer what would I be doing and I told him DJing. He talked to me about the importance of having multiple streams of income and from there we started having long conversations about how I could start as a DJ. I purchased a DJ board and started practicing and getting feedback from friends. He saw how passionate I was and he connected me DJ KJ (@djkj1973) and  DJ Crystal Mercedes (@therunwaydj) here in Memphis and from there they gave me great tips and got me my 1st gig! After my first gig I started getting more opportunities, building my brand, and perfecting my craft.  Photo by Gabrielle Duffie. “Memphis has truly taught me what hustle, grit, and grind is.” Holly: How has Memphis music inspired your artistic career? Ashley: Memphis inspired my artistic career at a very young age. I grew up listening to Otis Redding, Johnnie Taylor, BB King,  Little Milton and Three 6 Mafia. I used to dance and embarrass my aunt whenever she played blues music in the car. I loved pretending to play the guitar (laughs). I would tell her I was going to be a guitar player one day. Learning how to play the guitar is still on my list of things to learn. Holly: How has Memphis as a city inspired your artistic career? Ashley: Memphis is such a great city. Sometimes, I almost forget that I wasn’t born here. There are so many talented artists in this city, and I am just happy that I am able to experience first hand. When I first got here I saw DJ Spaceage spinning at a bar near U of M and she had some great music playing. Then I heard Big Sue on the radio while driving and I loved her voice and mixes. I saw there were twin female DJs (DJ Tootz) doing great things and I had never seen that before, so when I met DJ Crystal Mercedes I knew there was already a great female DJ presence in Memphis I could reach out to for needed advice. Memphis has truly taught me what hustle, grit, and grind is, and I am so thankful.   View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Central Station Hotel (@centralstationmemphis) on Jan 19, 2020 at 1:21pm PST Ashley’s Inspirations Holly: Favorite Memphis music artists (or overall genre) and why? Ashley: Three 6 Mafia (their energy and beats appealed to me at a very young age)  Aretha Franklin (greatest soul singer) , The Bar-Kay’s (one of my favorite bands, they have great music my favorite is “Holy Ghost”) . I love 90s hip hop. I was born in 88 and I loved the beats, lyrics, and vibes during that time. Holly: You have three jobs [air traffic controller, DJ, model]. How do you manage it? Ashley: 2019 was my first year of consistent DJing, ATC, and modeling. I am off on weekends from my ATC job so I am able to DJ during that time. However I’m working on a more structured routine that allows me to be more productive. Holly: During non-pandemic times, how can Memphians experience DJ Alpha Whiskey? Ashley: I DJ every Saturday at Sage Memphis (noon – 4 p.m.) for brunch. Every other Sunday at The WKND for After Brunch (5 p.m. – 9 p.m.). I rotate Saturday nights with two other local DJs at Tailors Union (9 p.m. – 1 a.m.) for Old School Saturdays. I also DJ Private events such as birthdays and corporate events, etc. DJing In A Pandemic Holly: How have you been coping personally and professional during the pandemic? Ashley: I have been working on improving my brand and quality of life. This time has allowed me to focus on organizing, disciplining myself, and innovating. Professionally, I partnered with Phillip Ashley Chocolates to host Themed Live Tasting events every Friday via Zoom. Also, The She DJs wanted to make sure we still could provide relief to the world during these tough times. So we started Ladies Love Day Parties Live Edition via our SheDJs Memphis Facebook Page and SheDJs901 IG Page. Every Saturday we have a line up of female DJs spinning every hour. Until this pandemic hit I never went Live because I wasn’t comfortable but now I’m more comfortable and I hope to go live more in the future. Photo by Gabrielle Duffie Ashley’s Recommendations Holly: Go-to food and drink orders after a DJ set? Ashley: Central Station makes a special cocktail for me . I told the bartender I love St. Germaine liquor and they took care of the rest. It was delicious! I ordered three. Everything at Sage is delicious. My favorite is the soul waffle. The bartenders are amazing there as well. I’m always looking forward to their brunch on Saturday. When I finish DJing at the Wknd on Sundays I grab myself and my boyfriend a Yardbird flatbread and the honey hot shrimp or chicken wings. Once we get home, it’s on! Holly: How can people keep up with your projects? Ashley: I have a website www.djalphawhiskey.com where I post free mixes and sell Alpha Whiskey products and events. You can also follow my Facebook Page and Instagram Page @DJ Alpha Whiskey . Just For Fun: Meet Ashley 1. What’s always in your bag? Business cards 2. Guilty pleasure? I love to cook too so I’m always at the grocery store ( almost every day) 3. Go to outfit? Leggings/comfy graphic tee/ comfy sneakers (Nike or Puma) 4. How do you drink your coffee? I stopped drinking coffee beginning of January for health reasons but I loved French Truck Coffee with French vanilla cream and sugar. 5. Favorite song(s) right now? Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes ft. Freddie Gibbs “Nightrider” Photo by @circleoflifephotos Follow DJ Alpha Whiskey / Listen Live Memphis Music Hub DJ Series Feat. DJ Alpha Whiskey Friday, April 24 at 8:30 p.m. Live on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Rebroadcast in 360 on Wednesday, April 29. Follow Ashley: website: www.djalphawhiskey.com Facebook Page Instagram Page Are you a home owner in Memphis, with a broken garage door? Call ASAP garage door today at 901-461-0385 or checkout https://ift.tt/1B5z3Pc

https://ilovememphisblog.com/2020/04/memphian-to-meet-ashley-wimbush-aka-dj-alpha-whiskey/

#I Love Memphis

[averagelizajane-blog]

Counting Blessings

It’s nearly 11pm on Thursday and my eyes hurt I’m so sleepy.  I’m angry because I’ve been up since 5am and going NONSTOP; I passed exhausted on Monday and hit zombie-teacher-mom-tired by Tuesday night. As usual, my two kids were in bed by 9pm, but I’m forced to stay awake until 11pm, again, tonight, as I do every night, night after night, every.single.day.  

I can’t remember the last time I wrote a blog.  Life took over.  I’ve been REALLY wanting to sit down and share an update, but between starting a newish job (8th Grade English) and juggling the typical everyday grind – I haven’t been able to make it happen.  

So why now?  What made me actually sit down in front of my computer … It’s NOVEMEBER!  My favorite month due to Thanksgiving & Prematurity Awareness Month!  AAAANNNNDDDD, even though I am struggling A LOT with my sleep, my weight, my organization, my parenting skills, and my overall wellness, I have much to celebrate.  I was reminded of the extent of my blessings tonight when I pushed Anne-Marie’s two nighttime medications into her feeding tube, and I use the term “pushed” literally! There was a time when we couldn’t actually push the syringe down with any kind of tiny force.  We would need to gently and SLOWLY move the top of the syringe down very carefully because the smallest amount of anything into her stomach would cause her to vomit. Now, I give her medicines as quick as possible so I can get to bed!  So, as I sit here and think of ALL we have overcome in just three and half short years, I cannot help but get a little emotional.  

 A RECAP

My second daughter Anne-Marie is a miracle.  

I used to hesitate using the term miracle (I actually didn’t like it) because I never felt like I “deserved” one.  As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt that God couldn’t possibly perform a miracle in my life.  I was raised going to church, but that didn’t equate to being spiritually mature or confident in my knowledge of God.  I knew the basics, but that’s it.  Therefore, I knew God doesn’t only work miracles for “good” people, he sees everyone as worthy … but I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.  It is extremely difficult to put into words, but the best way I can describe it is I felt God had way more important prayers to answer than mine.  Almost 4 years ago when I had a life-threatening pregnancy complication (preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome) and had a premature baby, I very much felt more “lucky” than the recipient of a miracle.  

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I did have faith and I did wholeheartedly pray for a miracle, but I was unable to TRULY believe 100% that my prayers would be answered; I was scared my baby would die. Anne-Marie was born at 25 weeks gestation.  She weighed 14.8 ounces.  She was 10 inches long.  In other words she was smaller than TINY – about the size of my iphone 8 plus with my case.  She had an Apgar score of 2 and it took a skilled neonatal team 5 tries at intubation, but she survived the initial birth.  In addition to her traumatic yet miraculous start, there are several other details from “early on” that stand out as being heaven sent…

**My best friend Maggie saved my life.  Besides being intellectually gifted, she’s intuitive.  She knew what was going on with me and my pregnancy.  When my symptoms and bloodwork became alarming, she made sure I got the care I needed.  I am so naïve, I was going to go to my local hospital.  (Not knocking them at all – but I needed a hospital with a level IV NICU) Maggie insisted I go to Duke.  She’s knowledgeable in her field of women’s health and knew I needed to be monitored at a hospital equipped for a micropreemie delivery.  She sat in on a meeting while I was being admitted and helped put all the pieces of the puzzle together.  Plus, she was the calming presence that can only come from a trusting friend, which was exactly what Bradley and I needed during such a scary time.  Without a shadow of a doubt, Maggie was put into my life so many years ago for several reasons, and I choose to believe one of those reasons was to save my life at age 31.

**Prior to delivery, when I was being monitored like crazy for seizures, I vividly remember laying in my hospital room wide awake (very alert to be on Magnesium Sulfate) praying to God that they wouldn’t deliver Anne-Marie on my Leah’s birthday.  My worst nightmare was for Anne-Marie to not make it and then every year, I’d have a birthday (Leah) and the anniversary of a death on the same day.  Well, once again I am thanking God for unanswered prayers because as it turned out, Anne-Marie did need to be delivered on Leah’s birthday.  It’s actually a pretty cool blessing.  I take it as a pretty big sign from God that He is ultimately in control; I am forever reminded to trust him.  

**Anne-Marie spent nearly 7 months in the NICU.  She was very sick during part of that time.  There is one day in particular that is difficult to think about.  She was about 2 weeks old.  The “honeymoon” phase was over and her breathing wasn’t great. Her team wanted to change her breathing tube out to the next size up.  I don’t really know in medical terms what triggered this event, but I believe she just couldn’t handle the stress of being extubated then reintubated.  I walked into the room and the lights were up bright (unusual) and people were all around her isolette.  A respiratory therapist was bagging her, a was nurse were administering medicine, doctors were having a discussion, the social worker was trying to make me feel comfortable, and a separate nurse was logging everything they were doing into a laptop on a cart (very unusual).  Anne-Marie was unstable.  The medical team was anticipating the worst.  A hospital chaplain came to ask me if I wanted Anne-Marie to be baptized.  That was when everything hit me.  I asked one of her doctors if I should call my husband.  He responded that my daughter was very sick and she could die at any moment. My memories from the rest of the day are a little blurry, but I remember Bradley driving straight from work and being there in his dirty, greasy work uniform. We spent the night (without sleep) in a room off the side of the waiting room because Anne-Marie was in critical condition.  I remember texting everyone who I thought would legit get on their knees and say an honest prayer for Anne-Marie and asking them to PLEASE pray for Anne-Marie.  It is weird feeling, needing something SO SO MUCH, yet being so helpless.  In that moment, when I sincerely knew people were praying for Anne-Marie, me and Bradley, and our situation – a sense of peace came over me – one that can only come from God.

FASTFORWARD (to more miracles!):

It hasn’t always been easy, but Anne-Marie is now thriving.  This is the first time I can actually say that.  Before, when people would ask how Anne-Marie was, I would say, “Great!” only because that was the easiest thing to say.  Now, it is the truth.  Now, Anne-Marie tolerates all her tube feeds; no more vomiting.  She still requires a tube feed every 3 hours and it still takes an hour to complete so a lot of her time is still spent feeding – but at least she isn’t suffering anymore.  (Anne-Marie threw-up multiple times a day for the first couple of years of her life. This is not an exaggeration.  It was extremely sad to witness.) And sure, I have an occasional headache dealing with prescriptions/ insurance/ refills/ pump supplies – but overall it is not too bad, not anything like it used to be. Anne-Marie has made strides in all areas of her development:  She is eating more smooth purees by mouth, tolerating new sensory stimulation easier (loud noises, crowds, hand-washing, brushing teeth, etc.), and, most excitedly, she is TALKING!!  It’s been a LONG time coming, but another prayer has been answered.

This is the most recent picture I have of Anne-Marie.  She is at school celebrating Thanksgiving with her teacher and classmates.

Side-Note (necessary to FULLY grasp the magnitude of this answered prayer):

I am impatient, like really impatient, just ask my husband…  

Call it a mother’s instinct, call me pushy or crazy, I don’t care … but I knew it, I knew Anne-Marie wanted to talk.  I could see it in her eyes.  I read online about Augmentative and Alternative Communication, more specifically, Speech Generating Devices (SGDs), and strongly believed that it was going to be Anne-Marie’s pathway to oral speech.  I was optimistic but sadly, not many of Anne-Marie’s “key players” wanted to listen.  I’d continuously pitch the idea of getting a tablet to help Anne-Marie talk to anyone who would listen: my husband, her teachers, insurance people, her doctors, my friends at work, and even her SLPs, but unfortunately they were all reluctant. All of the non-medical/speech/ educational people would reply with the worst response ever, “She’ll talk, then you’ll want her to shut up!”  (I cringe --- it’s like telling a woman who is having trouble getting pregnant, ohh you just need to relax and it will happen.)  I never took it personally, because I know the individuals meant well, and they didn’t know it would hurt my feelings, but it did nonetheless. Responses like that are hurtful because what if she never talked, that happens you know.  And then when I asked all of the professionals who knew Anne-Marie about SGDs and AAC therapy, they were polite enough, but I never felt 100% heard.  I do not think they were opposed to Anne-Marie having an iPad necessarily, I just feel like their primary focus for Anne-Marie was somewhere else at the time. And to their credit, maybe it should have been.  However, I wanted her to have an iPad to help her talk and I wanted it immediately. She needed it.  When I’d talk to her, I could read her eyes… she had so much going on, so many thoughts, so much to say, but she couldn’t – she didn’t have the right tools…  laminating pictures and using PECS and Velcro just wasn’t cutting it (for Anne-Marie & no pun intended – lol).

So, Anne-Marie had a speech evaluation done at Duke on August 2, 2017.  Even though goals to trial AAC devices and begin AAC therapy were recommended at that evaluation, Anne-Marie did not have her first therapy appointment to late July 2018. For an entire year, I waited while feeling helpless.  The insurance people and the entire staff at Duke’s Speech and Audiology department know me by first name.  I called and appealed and emailed and cried and met face-to-face with a supervisor. I’d give up and quit fighting for what Anne-Marie needed.  I’d doubt myself, then try again.  Month after month.  My only mistake was not trusting God’s timing.  

Anne-Marie got her “talker” in June.  My parents bought it for her out of pocket because we (my mom and I) were determined we could watch YouTube videos and at least make a little progress.  Plus we wanted Anne-Marie to have it when school began in August.  We wanted the whole word to know just how smart she was!  As of the past couple of weeks, Anne-Marie does NOT need her talker! She only needs to have it for breakdowns of communication.  SHE IS TALKING!!  Not just saying sounds à she is actually talking! My daughter can tell me with her sweet voice, “I love you!”

I do not want my message to be misinterpreted – I do not believe AT ALL that the “talker” (Speak for Yourself App) alone was the sole reason for such a rapid progression of oral speech.  Anne-Marie has been in Early Childhood Special Education for the past 1.5 years. She gets speech therapy at school, in a clinic in town, and at Duke which are all HUGE factors! In addition, my mom is like an unofficial 1:1 teacher/OT/PT/SLP wizard who works magic with Anne-Marie.  My mom often scrolls Pinterest and TpT for activities.  She spends many quality hours with Anne-Marie each day. My mom has three drawers in my kitchen crammed full of Anne-Marie’s “Nana’s school” materials. I frequently come home to beans, water beads, pom-poms, etc. on my floor and my mom cutting out a new sorting activity that she has printed off for Anne-Marie.  My mom is a saint in every sense of the word.  She along with Anne-Marie entire village are major pieces to her miracle.

Sooo HAPPY THANKSGIVING to me!  

On this World Prematurity Day, I choose praise God Almighty from Him all blessings flow … and the blessings are bountiful. I choose to focus on what is GOOD as opposed to what is stressful.  Anne-Marie still requires a lot of specialized attention and takes a lot of out of us, BUT…

*I have a spouse who loves me unconditionally

*I have parents who love me and my kids and would do anything within reason for us

*I have an extended support system like no other

*I live in America where my special needs child receives medical assistance

*I have a job that fulfills me

*I have faith & comfort knowing God is with me in troubled waters

*I have an almost 4-year-old who is talking!

*I HAVE A MIRACLE!

#micropreemie #worldprematurityday #prematurityawareness #lifeafternicu #teachermom #thankful #findingfaith #november #feedingtubeawareness #developmentaldelay #apraxia #AAC #speakforyourself #amateurblog #positivevibes #intentionalthinking #mindovermatter

[elchumpo]

4

Cesar, Tommy, and I have known each other for most of our lives and did basically everything together until he changed schools in 6th grade. Although we couldn’t drive yet Cesar remained a close friend and the separation somehow made our friendship even stronger, we called ourselves “the triforce”. Pretty ridiculous yeah but so were we, countless laughs were shared in this house along with Cesar’s brothers and their friends as well, the Palace was a hub for our crew of motley nerds. Tommy and I set up at our own computers and logged in to meet Cesar and Mark in-game.

Caleb was a few years older and would play with us but usually on a different server going about his own quests while Mark, being the youngest, was always quick to join in on whatever the three of us were doing. We played for hours, forgetting our worldly issues and swapping out songs to show each other. Besides Caleb who would have the occasional drink we were a sober bunch of kids just enjoying each others’ company grinding out levels in a digital world while hanging out in the real one. Once our eyes started to sting we logged out and Tommy motioned for Cesar and I to follow him as he headed out of the office, Mark trotted along after us. “Hey you mind giving us a minute?” Tommy asked a disappointed Mark who already knew this would happen. “Still not old enough huh?” Mark retorted as he headed back toward the office, he and Cesar shared a bedroom and would always be annoyed when we held “meetings” that he couldn’t be a part of. “Just for a little bit!” Tommy promised to an already closed door. Cesar couldn’t be bothered to make his little brother feel better, even though we all got along great the siblings seemed to always be inches away from an argument, probably due to all the testosterone in the house.

“So what’s going on?” Cesar asked as we entered his room. There was a bunk bed, a wooden chair, and a little red couch in the corner, we all sat down and took a breath. A bead of sweat went down my face as I watched Tommy look for the right words in his head. “Uh, Leonard and I went to our homecoming dance the other day and..” “Natasha?” Cesar interrupted as the embarrassment raced up my neck and unto my face. I hated the way people said her name to me. “Hey..” I started to speak up without knowing where my sentence was going. “I don’t really-” “I’m not asking you to talk about it.” said Tommy, saving me from myself. “I just-” He shot a look to Cesar. “WE just want you to know whatever happened between you guys we’re on your side and here for you.” Cesar nodded vigorously in agreement. “Although I would like to know what happened.” He added as Tommy shot him another look, less friendly this time. I couldn’t help but chuckle, these guys reminded me that everything was okay even though I sure didn’t feel like it was.

“Nah, I’d much rather hear about you guys’ girl issues!” I finally perked up and was ready to hear about someone else’s troubles. “Not much to report here.” Tommy started unenthusiastically “I have to work the camera for our project but as soon as I can I’m breaking up with Eliza, I thought things would get better once we started dating for real but we just don’t click.” He tried playing it off but I could tell Tommy was disappointed. He had been genuinely working on their relationship for a couple of months now and it looked like he thought it was all going to waste. Before I could respond Cesar spoke up to save Tommy the trouble of wallowing. “Well I’m doing great! My girlfriend and I text every day and she’s really cool, I can’t believe I found her!” Cesar had recently found a girl on facebook and they had been messaging nonstop, within a week they were going out. “You still haven’t met her right?” I asked trying my best not to be a downer. “Nope but she says we will meet up soon, she’s just a two hour drive away and none of us can drive so..” Tommy and I exchanged glances. We had seen her profile before and they have sent pictures to each other holding signs confirming the others’ existence, but there was something unsettling about the whole situation.

I only had one girlfriend which was back in eighth grade and I screwed it up massively when I ended up falling for you-know-who. Tommy had also only been in one relationship which was currently on the fritz. So neither of us really had the heart to tell Cesar that his relationship didn’t feel right, mostly because we weren’t too sure of it ourselves! Cesar had never had a girlfriend before this facebook one but he seemed to be on the lookout, potentially because Tommy and I already experienced it but usually it would just be us three. Now that we were getting older and the dynamics between us and other people were starting to change, who was really to say what was normal and what wasn’t, especially with social media just now starting to pick up steam. So Tommy and I ended up congratulating Cesar on his good fortune, genuinely wishing him the best when my phone beeped the power rangers theme, informing me I had received a text. I looked at my friends with an raised eyebrow and was given shrugs in return, the two people I almost exclusively text were right in front of me.

“Donny?” was on my screen, sent from an unknown number. “Who the fuck?” I thought out loud as Tommy snickered from his seat. “It’s Shelly right? You were just telling me about her at school.” He had a gleam in his eye that pissed me off for some reason. “Who’s Shelly?” Cesar piped up in curiosity as I messaged back confirming it was her. “We went to middle school with her, she was one of the announcement girls.” Tommy recounted. Our middle school had morning announcements that would play every day. It would start with a Linkin Park screaming us awake and end with Shelly recapping any fun activities going on that week with a “HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!!” 

“Ohh right, her?” Cesar was a little surprised and so was I, I had completely forgotten that was her. Shelly was a year under us and everything from that school had slipped my mind. “Damn I knew I recognized her from somewhere.” I said under my breath. “Don’t mean to be a bother but you didn’t show up to rehearsal today :(” another text flashed on my screen and I read it twice over, what was going on? “Dude lemme see!” Tommy said as he grabbed the phone from my stunned hands. “oooooooooo!” Cesar’s eyebrows seemed to go through his forehead. “Guys come on I barely know this chick. I didn’t even remember she was the announcement girl!” I made my case to a swift rebuttal. “But she sure remembered you weren’t at rehearsal todaaay~” Tommy was already cracking up and Cesar’s suggestive face was making him laugh even more. “Gimmie that!” I exclaimed while taking my phone back to respond that I would try not to miss rehearsal again. I received a speedy reply. “Don’t worry I just wanted to make sure you were alright” a beat later and there was another. “Are you?”

My mind started racing. What was this girl doing texting me? Not only was she the announcement girl and pretty popular but she wasn’t even actually the president of drama club! Why would she care if I skipped out? “Yeah, I’m fine.” I typed out but before I could send it Tommy grabbed my arm. “Dude!! Ya can’t do that!” I looked at him even more puzzled than before. He took my phone once again and deleted the period at the end of my sentence. “Whew, alright any other suggestions?” Cesar thought for a second and then added “She used a frowny face right? Maybe send her a smiley.” I was at a loss for words. “Hold on, what are we doing here?”I asked as Tommy looked at me with disbelief. “We’re saving you from ruining whatever chance you might have with this girl!” Cesar nodded in agreement. “My girlfriend and I almost exclusively send messages, what you were doing was text suicide.” He tacked on while I snatched my phone out of Tommy’s hands. It was true I hadn’t really thought about Michelle as some kind of potential partner at all until right now, she was pretty cute after all. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to keep some bridges open, right?” I thought to myself as I finished typing up my reply. “Yeah I’m fine, thanks for checking up on me :)” I sat there with at my phone in silence as I studied the unsent message along with my best friends’ faces, they looked about as confident as I felt. I quickly erased the smiley, hit send, and then proceeded to throw my phone to the other side of the room. We sat there for a second before all of us busted out laughing and started up smash bros. “What am I even thinking?” I asked myself right before I came up with a refreshing answer. I wasn’t thinking about Natasha.

[mredwinsmith]

Coaching Peaks and Valleys Pt 1

Pat King’s article recently came across my news feed. Shortly after NYNY won the first of their five consecutive open titles (1989-1993), we got our hands on the VHS tape of that title game.

By late 1989, I had maybe eighteen months of playing under me, and I watched that tape nonstop for the better part of six months. Pat was Johnny Dawkins, Phil Ford, Skip Brown, John Kuester, Len Bias, and Jordan all in one. His passion and pace were unassailable. In the article, Pat mentions he’s coaching the men’s squad at Santa Clara University. Because this is a fact and because he was such an inspiration to me, I was motivated to look back at the eight seasons I coached and reflect on some of the moments you wish you could have back. I navigated mostly all of the peaks and valleys on the Frisbee terrain and my takeaway is all positive, yet still those times remain when you wonder how things may have transpired had the gamble gone differently. It’s pleasure and pain.

UNCW Seamen. 2011 Atlantic Coast Regionals. Wilmington, North Carolina.

The Seamen were a 3 seed behind Virginia and Virginia Tech and looking at a one bid region. On Saturday we defeated our opposition 39-12 and our first three games averaged an hour a piece. The next morning we opened with Towson at 8:30am. After our O made the score 12-4, we rolled 3 on defense in 4 possessions to close out at 15-4, but somewhere in those last three points the trouble started. Our defense started calling fouls on their receivers and the game grew real chippy. Towson resented this and rightly so. The game was essentially over and the calls were not calls our D had a habit of making and worse, they delayed the end of the game. On game point, Towson turned the disc over in our red zone and after punching it in we moved on to face Virginia Tech Burn in the semi-finals. Virginia Tech had a relatively easy go of Saturday as well, defeating their three opponents 39-17.

We opened the semifinals holding serve on our fourth try. Sizing one another up for the next few points, we quickly pulled away and had 2 times to break for 7-2 but only managed a TMF. After Burn took three tries to cut our four-point lead to three, we rolled two to take half 8-3 and one hour in we were feeling pretty good. But you’re never up by enough. Pulling and down 4-8, Virginia Tech came zone on the second point from half and then person d on the next two points and our lead went from 8-3 to 8-6. Off the third pull, they came zone again and we were able to extend the lead to 9-6, but only after three tries and the energy expended in those three tries is impossible to regain. Adding stress to that loss of energy, Burn’s women and the Towson men’s team began crowding the sideline at this point, along with a handful other schools beyond Richmond. Their seasons over, yet their hardline heckling was just getting started.

Pulling at 9-6 our D earned a Callahan and a second TMF as well. The one sideline now packed end to end with college kids in full postseason revelry feasted on this. At 10-6 we feel like we have some breathing room, but maybe the moment fueled by unruly college kids thrilled by your every mistake was too big. Undaunted, Burn’s offense scores with a few passes and they get their D back on the field. That point took thirty seconds at best for Burn and it was clean, efficient and poised Ultimate when they needed it most.

Burn must have rostered four guys at six feet tall and taller that season playing in a 4 person cup. They came with that set the next 3 points to roll 3 breaks and knot the score at 10 even, game to 12. The women’s semi-finals began at the same time as the men’s. In those games the losing teams scored a total of 8 points to the winners’ 30. In the other men’s semi, Virginia Night Train made quick work of Delaware 15-9. In separate factions they all made their way to our field. Around noon, the locals, mostly rec league all-stars and UOA sympathizers, began arriving dressed for a picnic with their coolers and strollers in tow, though their interest wasn’t directed at the Seamen as much as the forthcoming women’s final between UNCW Seaweed and UNC Pleiades, featuring future Callahan winners.

From 8-3, we were outscored 7 to 2 in essentially thirty minutes’ time. Four out of their five breaks came on one possession and those same four came transitioning from their four person cup, after mostly uncommon and uncharacteristic doinks and mishandles. Maybe it was the chippy calls against Towson catching up to us, but I’d rather tip my hat to Burn’s defense. At 10 all and receiving for the fourth point in a row, the numbers were in our favor as a fourth consecutive break was unlikely, and Burn came down in person d. We scored quickly and when the hard cap sounded during the next point, Burn’s offense buckled and we broke for the win 12-10. We were outscored 7-4 in the second half and while we advanced to play in the finals, rarely was a victory so deflating.

Winning in the hard cap left us barely any time to readjust and get over their 3 and 4 point run. By 12:30pm we had played 42 points to Virginia’s 47, but the last half of our semi-final with the crowd pressing in and the stress of Burn’s four-person cup and one bid looming in front of us was on everyone’s faces. ‘No Weak Faces’ we preached. No palms up body language. Additionally, when you are the team everyone loves to hate, you learn to place your concern on the team in front of you and embrace indifference with the team and/or teams thus eliminated. There is a degree of the NYNY factor here: you beat up on some second or third tier teams on Saturday and Sunday morning, you exchange trash talk and call the game the way you believe the game ought to be called because after all, you are not the inferior team, and then those inferior teams, because they don’t want the postseason to begin just yet and because they for the moment possess an overblown sense of what they bring to the table, sit on half empty coolers with their women’s team and 2nd and 3rd tier friends. I’d rather be starving than sit at that table; however, seven years later here I am writing an essay in hindsight and the long journey to the middle is complete – My apologies to Lester Bangs for the device.

The minor and major factors leading up to the finals vs Night Train created a perfect storm and while they advanced and took the one bid, I don’t feel that they were better that season – they won when they had to. They finished 1-3 in pool play at Nationals and 3-3 overall, and while we may not have fared better, the shadow of that one moment is still there. After receiving and going up 1-0 on our second try, we had one chance to break for a two point cushion but missed out. With six total possessions between both teams and the score even at 1s, the Ultimate didn’t get much better, or prettier. It mirrored the crowd. With their O getting 1 on the board, their D line rolled two for 3-1. We managed an easy O point for our second goal and then easy took a back seat to grind. Again, our D gained possession and we had one shot to tie at 3s but had no such fortune and a potential tie game was quickly a five-point deficit. Down 2-6 and having suffered two quick breaks, our O was put to task on the ensuing point and we fought off four break chances before turning it over in Virginia’s red zone, giving up a third straight break and to go down 2-7.

For an instant, the clouds parted and we managed a quick O point and our D was back on the field. Certainly, if our D could get a third try at a break we’d get one, and one could lead two. Pulling at 3-7, we earned a quick one and cut their lead to 3. As a coach, which way do you want things to go here? A quick point to keep up the pressure, maybe cause some finger pointing, or longer uglier points to keep their O on the field and your O off the field getting much-needed rest? If you are a guaranteed a break, you want it ugly perhaps, but there are no guarantees here, except the one that says you have one another’s back. Down five and the game beyond a picnic, we are now down two at 5-7 and pulling for the third point in a row and Night Train is looking to take half for the fourth consecutive point.

Freeze. Give me these 70 seconds back. Rest on the line and call timeout at ‘ten seconds to pull’; send all but the pulling D line to the shade, and following the timeout, turf the pull, concede the point and get off the field and in the shade with the others, with water and food and wet towels and music and a well-timed joke, recharge and refocus for the next 45 minutes. A three-point deficit and pulling at half is not insurmountable and after all, it was our home field. More often it’s not about the lead nor the margin you trail, it’s energy and keeping that energy. Up to that last point of half, the finals saw 12 points scored on 31 possessions. 19 turnovers in less than an hour. Seldom is it in Ultimate that you’re served an opportunity on a platter to bend it in a particular way to where you don’t suffer an earful from Frisbee cognoscenti adamant the game must be played this way at all times.

We aimed for the third break. Our D line was foaming at the mouth, fired up after two breaks. No bread was ever broken between these two teams and Virginia stewed for a year over us knocking them into the backdoor bracket in 2010, a game where the observers marked the score incorrectly and we had to win twice. A few passes into the point, we get hit with a TMF for backpacking. Virginia scored, spiked the disc and took half 8-5. The bulk of that half was squandered quarreling over what just happened instead of what was going to happen. Minutes later, it was 12-5 Night Train. We managed only 2 more in the second half; 2 points on 8 possessions. Virginia scored 7 on 9 possessions, both turns by their defense, keeping our O on the field. Overall, our O received 14x, scored 5x, and played defense 13x. Season over. Now leaning in with a certain alacrity only identifiable if you lived here long enough, the hometown crowd eventually enjoyed their picnic as the Seaweed dismissed Pleiades 15-3 in a game that was never close.

Unlike the next year when Georgetown rolled four on our three-point lead to knock us out in the quarters of another one bid region – Towson first on the scene and no filter on the schadenfreude, there was no road trip home with a 5th year player where you try and offer something, some perspective to assuage the emptiness. But what can you say? This year they departed as they arrived. All alone or in twos and with no practices to look forward to. Who is to say what might have transpired had we bent half-time and turned the game into something else? Would our fortunes have faded so quickly? I do know that the handful of fifth-year boys we had, boys who are now men and who went on to have decent open careers with Ring and the Flyers, deserved better than that, on that day. And that’s the trick to coaching: You want to win and you want so much for those trusting your authority and decision making, but often it’s not about scoring points.

The post Coaching Peaks and Valleys Pt 1 appeared first on Skyd Magazine.

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[tune-collective]

Migos & Memes: How Everything From Strippers to Donald Glover Helped 'Bad & Boujee' Explode

Migos & Memes: How Everything From Strippers to Donald Glover Helped 'Bad & Boujee' Explode

Raindrop.

If you’ve been near just about any FM radio dial, social media feed or person under 20 in the past month or so, you know that the only possible follow-up to that formerly innocuous word is “drop top,” completing the opening rhyme from the current Billboard Hot 100 No. 1 song “Bad and Boujee” by Migos, featuring Lil Uzi Vert.

But it’s more than just a catchy refrain. Offset’s hook spawned an online movement via memes that reached just about every demographic, especially after Donald Glover (a.k.a. Childish Gambino, a.k.a. creator of the Migos-featuring sitcom Atlanta) declared his love for the “Boujee” in his Golden Globes acceptance speech.

The song’s road to No. 1 began long before it hit national TV, though — here’s the story of its unlikely rise to the top.

1. The Single 

“Bad and Boujee” arrived Aug. 27, 2016, ­exclusively on SoundCloud, “a ­community on the brink of what’s going to break,” according to Quality Control Records head Kevin “Coach K” Lee. It was a new strategy for Migos, but one Lee had seen work with one of his other young artists, Lil Yachty. “Quavo was featured on one of Yachty’s songs on SoundCloud, and it got like a million plays in 24 hours, so our strategy this time was to feed those fans,” he says. “They’re the ones you want to touch first.”

Even before it dropped, though, Lee was certain the song was a hit. “Offset just sent me a hook and verse at first — as soon as I heard it, I was like, ‘Man, where’s Quavo? Where’s Takeoff? They need to get on this record ASAP.’ Within three days, we put it out.” Timing was crucial: Lee wanted to release the Metro Boomin-produced “Boujee” in time for Labor Day weekend (Sept. 3-5), typically home to some of the biggest radio mixshows of the year.

The response — especially to Offset’s opening hook — was immediate, albeit confined to the hipper corners of rap internet. There were about 100 tweets quoting “raindrop, drop top” the day the song was released, according to data from Twitter, probably starting with this one:

raindrops, drop tops

— 1/2 of naerene (@SIlXFEETUNDER) August 27, 2016

Within an hour there were more:

Raindrop! Drop top!

— isaac (@TlPSYY) August 27, 2016

Rain drop Drop top

— Tyler Yalch (@Tyleryalch) August 27, 2016

The song’s meme-readiness even came through in the album art, which itself was originally a meme based on a photo of Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta star Tommie Lee.

  Throughout my life there’s been a lot of pain and hardships. I thank God for everyday of my new life, As I transition into the woman at one time I could only dream of becoming. @clearlyfocusedmediaworks @_bxplicit @msamyj thank you!! #curry noodles coming soon #transitiontees #kiltframes #tommieshit#neverforgetwhereyoucamefrom #vh1 #currynoodles #lhhatl#monascott @monascottyoung @erika_lapearl_mua

A photo posted by Tommie (@tommiee_) on Jul 18, 2016 at 2:18pm PDT

Me lmao pic.twitter.com/ciDlRcsPGm

— jenny (@bawnsai) August 5, 2016

“I didn’t know they were using the picture, but I was flattered,” Tommie Lee told Billboard via email. “It’s always cool to know someone appreciates your vision. Plus, the song is super catchy — I like it.” The story behind the photo, fittingly, is about as “Bad and Boujee” as it gets: “I was at such a transitional time in my life, and I wanted the photo to tell a story,” says Tommie Lee. “My photographer Cris Evans and I snuck into the Sun Dial [the restaurant at Atlanta’s The Westin Peachtree Plaza] and pretended we were there to eat. I ordered a tea and asked for extra hot water. When the server brought the water, my photographer pulled the noodles out of his bag to catch the shot. I had to tip the server $100 to be the lookout and give us five more minutes — $100 all for a dope Instagram picture, LOL. My favorite part was that so many people could relate to it.”

Despite its instant online cred, the next step for the track was totally old school: club and radio promotion, specifically via Atlanta strip clubs and listening parties. In September, Migos personally visited “every club and every strip club” in the city to perform and promote “Boujee,” according to Coach K. “We hadn’t done that in a while, because [Migos had] been on the road so much, but with this record we knew we had to go back to the basics, back to the grind,” he adds. “Perform the song, and personally go up to the DJ and say, ‘Hey, this is our new record.'” Plus: “If those girls start putting up clips of themselves dancing to it on Snapchat,” says Coach K of the strip clubs’ dancers, “you know it’s going to go.”

2. The Video  The track’s video, released Oct. 31, racked up 1 ­million views in just three days and within a few weeks was added to more than 4,000 YouTube playlists daily. “For a hip-hop artist that’s not necessarily global yet, that was impressive,” says YouTube head of culture and trends Kevin Alloca. That, combined with the song’s official single release (Oct. 28) across platforms and radio push, prompted the song’s chart debut: No. 42 on the Hot Hip-Hop/R&B Songs chart for the week ending Nov. 10. Though it entered the chart thanks to exponential growth in streams, airplay was still a factor, particularly in Atlanta (the top city for “Boujee” airplay every week since its release except one, confirming that they are still very much local boys making good), Chicago and New York.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-sJp1FfG7Q

“Boujee” mentions were still growing, mostly on Twitter — users sometimes tweeted the lyrics while attaching a picture or GIF (Wiz Khalifa was an early adopter, see below):

Me when Bad and Boujee comes on. pic.twitter.com/pEjmGiWwW5

— Wiz Khalifa (@wizkhalifa) November 3, 2016

When I hear Offset hook, Rain drop .. Drop Top pic.twitter.com/INw1uSXUie

— #22 (@Gottiboi_ij) October 11, 2016

3. The Memes, and the No. 1   By mid-November, the lyrics were averaging 2,500 mentions a day on Twitter, and it had become almost a prerequisite to attach an image or an exhortation to respond to any mention of “raindrop” with “drop top.” Two of the meme formats that have had the most impact, though, seem to have been created by Atlanta artist Zack Fox, an Awful Records affiliate and most recently cast member and writer of Flying Lotus’ debut film Kuso.

Raindrops Drop top Shoutout my niggas at standing rock

— Zachary Fox (@zackfox) December 5, 2016

when you bout to leave the club and hear offset say “you know….” pic.twitter.com/oGrt4zLJEJ

— Zachary Fox (@zackfox) December 8, 2016

“There’s no mystique to how I use the Internet,” says Fox. “Most of what I do is just me on my laptop with a blanket over my head, Photoshop is open, and it just happens.” Fox already had a substantial Twitter following, which helped his tweets go viral (now, he’s at more than 40,000 followers). “If I didn’t do it, somebody else was going to,” he adds. “There’s definitely some checks that could be written, but I wasn’t thinking to myself, ‘I’m doing this so this song can be No. 1’ — it’s honestly the best song I’ve heard in the past five years.” The week after Fox’s tweets and the many, many others that emulated them (ending Dec. 15, 2016), “Boujee” grew almost 60 percent in airplay audience nationally, its largest jump since just after its official release. By the end of December, the song was in the top 40 of the Hot 100 and brands like Wendy’s and Jimmy John’s jumped on the trend, confirming that it had gone mainstream.

Rain drop Drop top

I eat Jimmy John’s nonstop

— Jimmy John’s (@jimmyjohns) December 26, 2016

@chulomang drop top

— Wendy’s (@Wendys) January 4, 2017

“Rap culture saying or doing something cool and then some big corporation making it wack is just the way it works,” says Fox of the corporate use of “Boujee” memes. “Twitter accounts doing it is so funny because you see exactly how it happens — you’re giving me 140-character evidence that your corporation is built on taking shit and manipulating the same people you took it from. I’m probably gonna go eat Jimmy John’s after this, like ‘Raindrop, drop top’ … where have I heard that before?”

Lee says that since OG Maco (also a Quality Records signee) blew up via memes with 2014’s “U Guessed It,” he’s made concerted efforts to go viral as part of his marketing strategy. “Oh hell yeah [we try to cultivate memes],” he says. “We’re like, ‘Who made this meme?! We need to get them this record.’ It’s really a promotional tool now — we didn’t have to pay anybody, but there’s a business out there for it.” He traces the impact of memes to seeing snipes (posters) on the street in his early days as a promoter. “You’d say, ‘Oh damn, this record’s about to be hot,’ because you’d seen it a lot of places. This is before the Internet.”

The timing of the song’s exploding popularity was also a combination of old-school and new-school marketing — sure, it was tied to going viral on Twitter, but it also happened over the holidays, traditionally a boom time for song and album sales. “It really popped between Thanksgiving and Christmas … I think because the kids were, like, on break,” adds Lee. “A lot of times it’s the kids that really move the culture.” A combination of increasingly prolific meme-ing and the holidays (read: iTunes gift cards) meant the song’s sales almost quadrupled over Christmas (digital sales rose 380% to 116,000 the week ending Dec. 29). On New Year’s Eve, the turn-up ready single was added to 12,000 YouTube playlists — one portion of the song’s almost 40 million streams that helped it finally land at No. 1 on the Hot 100, the week ending Jan. 5, 2017.

4. The Co-Sign Just three days later, Donald Glover called “Boujee” “the best song ever” during his Golden Globes ­acceptance speech, helping it become the top gainer across metrics on the Jan. 28 chart. “I was like, ‘Oh shit,’” says Lee. “Middle America, the world — they all know now.” During the ceremony, there were 175,000 mentions of “Bad and Boujee” or Migos — more than, for example, there were about Ryan Gosling. By Jan. 11 (three days after the Globes), the video had 100 million views on YouTube — currently it’s at over 137 million.

“It’s a very 21st century type of popularity,” adds Alloca, who sees “Black Beatles” as a strong comparison. “They’re both songs that became much bigger than themselves — they’re part of a movement, and really driven by people’s creative expression and enjoyment.” He adds that at least via YouTube, they’ve sowed the seeds for future success: “Migos started 2016 with about 280,000 subscribers, and now they’re at over 800,000 — they’ve increased the reach as soon as they drop their next song.” “Bad and Boujee” is atop the Hot 100 for a second week with the chart dated Feb. 4, breaking the record for the most weeks (this is its fifth) as the chart’s top streaming gainer.

Migos will be looking to expand their reach even more with their new album Culture, which drops this Friday, Jan. 27 — but Lee sees some reason to celebrate already. “Two years ago there was all this Internet gossip about Migos and The Beatles, then Rae Sremmurd comes with this song called ‘Black Beatles,’ that was up on the charts forever. Then, boom — the Migos, who originally had all the Beatles stuff, we come and we take down the Rae Sremmurd record,” he says, laughing. “You can’t make this stuff up, you know?”

This article originally appeared in the Jan. 28 issue of Billboard.

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/01/24/migos-memes-how-everything-from-strippers-to-donald-glover-helped-bad-boujee-explode/