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angelkurenai · 5 years

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One moment - Loki x Reader

Avengers: Endgame SPOILERS BELOW read at your own risk

Title: One moment

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Avengers: Endgame spoilers

Summary: You have found a way to undo the damage Thanos did and bring everyone you lost back, all of your loved ones or at least most of them. As you travel back in 2012, however, you run into someone who is far too familiar. Unable to let go, even after all these years, of the death of the man - or basically god - you loved so much you forget all about the mision and decide to have one more moment with the one who sacrificed his life to save yours out of love.

“Is anyone on their position or am I the only one doing their fucking job right, here?” you asked the boys, checking around at the agents which had been unfortunate enough to come your way “And yeah, I know, language.”

“You're never really going to let go of that, are you?” you heard Steve's voice say followed by a heavy sigh that made you giggle in the end.

“I could make an exception if you'd ask. For you my Captain, anything you want.” you said with a small smirk, already able to hear Tony sighing in exasperation and you could definitely picture him rolling his eyes.

“Well-” you could literally hear and defintiely imagine the smile and maybe a blush on his face “I'll definitely have that in mind.”

“Can we please cut the flirting for just one minute and focus? I think we have more pressing matters at the moment.” you heard Tony's annoyed voice and chuckled a bit anyway.

“Yeah, like the fact that you're failing so bad to get one damn cube. Bruce and I already have the time stone and are waiting for you. Maybe if I didn't have all this free time waiting for you to get your pretty asses to work then-”

“Alright, alright we get it. You got the stone faster. Yay. Good job. I was going to say- As in the fact that Scott what the hell is taking you so long?” Tony hissed, his voice a bit hushed and you could understand very well why.

“Uh just a minute, just a minute. I'm getting there!” you heard Scott struggling a bit.

“Hard to find the way to Tony's heart? Don't worry, tell him he's smart, he'll believe it and that's it.”

“Hey, how about instead of commenting on everything and trying to bed Rogers, you do something more useful and get your pretty ass here in case we need backup?”

“What's the matter, Stark? You jealous I didn't try to bed you?” you asked with a small laugh “And you don't ave to ask, I'm already on my way. It's like cleaning up your messes is my main job here.”

“Oh not jealous at all, sweets. You've got a thing for them with blue eyes, I know, I get it.” he teased although this time you didn't smile as before. You were teasing Steve, you were best friends and after trying for so long to get him in the game with some girl – well, at least before everything that happened with the Accords and Thanos – you had come to the point where this was normal for you two. But Tony bringing up the blue eyes and clearly hinting towards somebody else, despite how much he meant it playfully, didn't keep the smile on your lips and you couldn't blame him. He didn't know the whole truth, none of them knew. None exccept Thor knew, and therefore couldn't know your pain at the moment.

“I'm just wondering what would your boyfriend really say if he heard you right now. And oh he's by the way standing just a few feet away from me right now.”

As if fate was playing some cruel joke on you, the moment you rounded a corner, Tony's words were heard and your eyes found him. Him. Standing there, handcuffed and with a muzzle over his mouth. Surrounded by all those guards and treated like a criminal, like some low-life criminal that didn't deserve to say a single thing in his defence. A criminal and a villain was probably all they saw and after everything that had happened you could't blame them. You had fought by their side during the battle in New York, a battle that had started after he appeared but not because he appeared; there was a difference there. Granted, you were probably the only one who knew it and believed it, probably Thor too, and that was why you weren't fighting against him unlike the rest of your now-family. A criminal, treated even worse perhaps, and a mere look at how he was chained now and all-but-dragged around, you felt your heart breaking into a milion pieces. All it had taken was a small talk with him and you knew it, you saw it. He was only another victim in all of this and he was probably already suffering the worst, even worse than you and the rest of the Avengers. From that first moment, you couldn't see the villain others did. Sure, at the time you had no tried to let your emotions get the best of you, you stood by your friends' side and fought against his army as you should to protect humanity, but that didn't mean you could blame him for that. You knew very well and were proven right after all these years that the only one responsible was the mad titan who had ended up taking everything from you.

It was sad that Loki himself could hardly believe it wasn't his fault, either. Following him and Thor to Asgard, you managed to spend more time with him. And despite how closed-off he was, despite how set he was on his opinion that he was no more than the criminal you had met, you did get to realize one thing you had been right from the beginning. His suffering showed through just as did his need for love and you were probably a fool, or so he had once called you when you told him the truth, but you had fallen hopelessly in love with him after all that time. Not that you had had the opportunity to act on that love anyway.

A criminal was something you had actually never seen him as, especially when you looked into his eyes. All you you saw was the pain he had to endure and all the pain he was still suffering. All the pain you had been unable to take off his chest, or so you thought at least, and didn't have the time to try harder to fight off because the mad titan had taken him, without a single care, from you far too soon.

The man- well, technically, the god who had been blamed for so much, had had to endure finding out his life was a lie, be manipulated and tortured for so long and had to hear everyone believe he had no heart, proved to you he had the biggest one. He sacrificed his life for yours, yours and his brother's. He was no criminal, he was the one who saved your life in more ways than he could even know and he was inevitably the love of your life.

But the love of your life was gone. So who was this then?

“S-Stark...” your voice trembled as your body froze at the sight before your eyes. The moment you looked at him you felt everything you always did and somuch more; pain, anger, fear and everything else you went through when you saw Thanos kill him.

You wanted to say so much but you couldn't find the words. No sound could come out of your lips. Only then you heard Tony's words, playful as ever but oh if only he could know the whole, painful truth “Charming as ever isn't he? Especially with that muzzle on, I could say almost bearable.”

“T-Tony-” you started, trying to warn him, to say something, but you were already pulled into this mess that you couldn't just forget the fact that Loki was only a couple feet away from you.

“Don't worry, we've got this under absolute control. Scott? Are you-”

But Tony's words were completely drowned out by the sound of your heart beating madly in your chest or the blood rushing so fast. The lump in your throat felt painful, your eyes were burning with unshed tears and everything that happened around you was a mere blur. But it wasn't entirely because of the tears but mostly because of him. His eyes were moving around the place until he spoted you and soon an expression took over that you couldn't identify. Or maybe didn't have the mind to think about.

Mind and time. It all happened so fast. Past Tony having a heart attack, Thor trying to help him, Scott sliding the tesseract to your Tony and him effectively managing to walk away without being noticed, not even by Loki who was really not that occupied. But technically he was, because he was too busy looking at you. Not that the moment lasted long enough. Hulk burst through the door Tony was going for and managed to knock him down, allowing the tesseract to slide towards Loki's feet.

“Shit.” Tony said out of breath “The tesseract. (Y/n), quick! Take the cube, it's there! It's right there!”

But his words seemed to have no effect on you as your entire body was frozen. You stood in your place for a few more seconds until Tony's voice yelling managed to snap you back to reality. Jumping into action you ran as fast as you could to take hold of the cube and you could almost hear the sighs of relief from your teammates. However the second you took hold of it and dared stand straight, your eyes met his and it felt like the entire rest of the world faded away. He cocked an eyebrow and you could almost picture his smirk that would always make your knees weak but this time, after having seen him die and knowing that in your time he was really dead, only managed to bring more tears to your eyes. Without being able to stop yourself, you reached out for him and before anybody else around you could comprehend, you used the tesseract to be transported into another place.

Loki blinked in surprise and looked around, realizing you weren't very far away from the Stark tower, but most importanly you were alone just the two of you. Tilting his head to the side, in a rather adorable way, at you, he gave you a small frown as if to ask what you were doing. Taking in a shaky breath, you placed the tesseract a bit furhter away, safely, before reaching out to him and taking his muzzle off.

He let a small breath, as if more relaxed, before his eyes fell back on you, his lips parted and he said “Well, hello there, darling. How's it going? I must say, you surprised me there. Not that I am the one to complain. I adore our alone time, love, certainly much more than being stuck with those two but may I ask, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Your own lips parted but no sound came out. You couldn't even describe how it felt to hear his voice “I-”

“Have you maybe finally decided to say yes to my offer? I can assure you, I can make a date quiet unforgetable if you only ask for it.” the grin on his lips would have made you smile if you weren't already far too broken, able to picture his final moments so vividly in your head despite how much time had passed. You could hear the voices of your teammates, Tony and Steve being rather frantic and even worried, but you decided to take off the earpiece just for a few seconds. You needed some time alone with him even if it was only for closure.

“A woman such as yourself deserves only the best of time and I am most certainly the only one capable of offering it to you.” he kept going and there was that smile that made you weak on the knees. The usual flirtying, the glint in his eyes that had started it all before the feelings got so much deeper and you both found yourselves hopelessly in love with each other to the point were you were both ready to sacrifice your lives for each other. “Contrary to what my brother may have warned you of, I'm rather-”

“I know. I know everything you are... and everything you can be. And it's all so wonderful.” you whispered, voice cracking as a tear rolled down your cheek; making his smile immediately vanish “Proof is that... I'm standing right here, in front of you and you have not once glanced at the tesseract or tried to take it an run away.”

“Well, I must have to admit the idea of taking it and even more so you and running away is the most tempting thought at the moment but...” he paused for a second, his eyes full of concern that would have surprised the past you but not the present you that knew what he had felt for you from the moment you met and you showed him true kindness “I am more... curious, for lack of better words, as to what is happening right now and right here. You-” he got a step closer and looked at you carefully “Are different. Something about you is different. From the (Y/n) I know at least.”

“Why? Because I'd slap you if you even so tried to get any closer than this?” the corners of your lips lifted into a small albeit sad smile mostly at the memory, but the god himself didn't smile. He narrowed his eyes at you, as if trying to read you but it wasn't anywhere near unpleasant, not after everything you'd been through.

“Oh I don't fear that you would, dearest. But rather... that you have.” he admited before letting out a soft breath and taking a step back “You're not from around here, are you? Not the same woman I've met. Or not entirely at least. Am I right?”

Your smile flattered as your eyes casted down “I'm from 2023.” you whispered and his eyebrows raised in interest “And I... came here to take the tesseract as a means to undo... Thanos killing 50% of all life.”

Whatever hint of a smirk, even if it was interest, vanished as pure horror and sadness overtook his features. His body straightened but his eyes showed such understanding and compassion when your watery ones looked up again to meet his “So he succeeds. I see.” he whispered, nodding his head with a bitter look on his face. He had suffered at the hands of the titan, there was no way he'd wish he won.

“Th-this was just a mission but when I saw you I just remembered that-” you choked on your words, stopping before shaking your head “I couldn't stop myself. I- I'm sorry.” you didn't realize this was the first time you had whispered the word to him, or that anyone had said such words to him “I just needed this... moment with you. But thinking about it again feels probably really stupid and I-”

“How?” he cut you off gently although a bit more seriously and you frowned at him “How did I die?” he was never a fool, maybe far too smart for your own good sometimes, and certainly very good at reading you because you couldn't keep secrets from him even if you tried.

You smiled sadly even if another tear rolled down your cheek “You... far too early I'm afraid. It was because of him a-and-” you paused, arms wrapping around your own form “Somehow ir was the exact way I imagined and feared at the same time.” you choked out and he frowned a bit as you let out a shaky breath “Y-You died protecting Thor a-and me.” you smiled through your tears “Using even your last words a-about me, trying to comfort me and tell me it would be ok. It- it was just as selfless as I've always known you to be.”

“Some people would beg to differ.” he mumbled with what was supposed to be a smirk but you could see right through it that it was just a facade and as expected it soon dropped before he said in a small whisper “I didn't know you had so much faith in me. Selfless is something I've never been called before.”

“Well, you have now.” you shrugged your shoulders again, another tear escaping.

Without even hesitating, he reached out for you and wiped it so tenderly it made a sob break free from your lips that just made a pain expression cross his face before he dared ask “Just... one question. I am not surprised I did something like that for you, love, but... I only wonder, you and I- How close are we or at least were we in the future?”

“That's a pretty long story. Lots of things happen from the moment we meet till you-” you couldn't say it.

“Till the moment we meet each other again, correct?” he pointed out with a barely visible smile and you nodded your head slowly, deciding to take that approach “Well, I would suppose we have some time until 2023, don't we?”

“It's not like we really do b-but... yes, I was hoping I could get one moment... One moment with you.”

“And who knows, maybe it will be more than one.” he breathed out “At least I can hope.”

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strawberries-on-the-ground · 4 years

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A Red Sword

Ships: Adora/Catra

Adora decides to propose to Catra with a red version of the She-Ra sword. Catra also has a surprise prepared for their anniversary.

AO3 Link

Adora held the red sword with the dark silver grip, "It's perfect, thank you." she put it in her large bag. She paid for the shopkeep and left the shop. She had traveled to Dryl for a red and silver sword that would mirror her blue and golden one. She told Catra that she was here to get her an anniversary gift. She hoped that Catra would not guess that this was also her proposal blade. If someone told her that Catra would ever want something like this years ago, she would laugh at them. Over the years, both of them started to see She-Ra as a part of Adora, and Catra loved all parts of her. She also let the fact that she wanted a sword of her own slip and Adora took note immediately.

They had been on missions taking small breaks in between for some time, and it seemed to be over. They still had to keep communications with the planets they restored to make sure they were doing well, and other planets they traveled to. However, their travels in space would not be because of urgent missions anymore. Glimmer would take the crown back from Micah after the yearly celebrations, and Bow would be pronounced as her fiancé. Adora had been talking their ears off about the proposal. She has written a speech, drew the sword a milion times and made sure to have it ready for their anniversary. Catra was also preparing a surprise for Adora. She had been working on something for months on the ship, not allowing Adora to see it.

They have been staying in Adora's old room since they got back. They have been talking about moving to somewhere close to the Bright Moon Castle but away from the city, on the edge of the Whispering Woods. Their own place to start the rest of their lives in. Conversations like these were the reason why Adora decided to propose.

She wanted to see Entrapta on her way back but learned that she was in the Northern Reach to collect materials, "I wish I knew that before I entered your maze." she told Entrapta over her tracker pad.

"Well, you should have called. Why are you in Dryl anyway?"

"I had to pick up something, and I brought Darla to you", Adora answered.

Entrapta got excited as they talked about her plans to travel in space with Darla again.

A few days later, Adora took Catra out for a picnic. The wind was blowing the smells of flowers of the woods, the sun was beaming down on them through the leaves of the long trees around them. They sat on a light blue blanket and ate sandwiches with strawberry lemonade.

Catra's hair had grown, it was in a ponytail, she was wearing black overalls with a maroon shirt.

"Happy anniversary, Catra." she held Catra's hand, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." she smiled at Adora, “I want to give you my gift now.” Catra got up and extended her hand. “Come on.”

Adora got up as well, put the blanket in the bag she had the sword in. "I have a surprise for you too, you know."

"You'll give it to me later. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Adora answered. Even though the probability of Catra saying no was low, she was nervous to propose.

They walked for about five minutes and Catra made her wear a cloth over her eyes.

"I'll close my eyes!" she whined.

"No, you'll peak. Come on, wear it." Catra giggled.

"I won't. What if I trip?"

"I won't let you. I promise." Catra smiled softly and there was nothing Adora would not do for her smile.

After Adora wore the cloth, they started walking. Catra was holding her arm tightly. Adora felt a cold breeze,

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Remember when we picked a spot to have a house in?" Catra removed the cloth, "Here it is."

In front of Adora stood a white house with blue windows and what seemed to be a part glass roof.

"3 bedrooms, a large kitchen and an office. Just like we talked about." Catra explained.

Adora was stunned, "Catra, it's... it's beautiful."

"I thought we should decorate the inside together. So, it's empty but," she handed her a key, "Happy anniversary. Just so you know, if you don't like it-that's completely okay and we can find a different house."

They went inside and Adora liked the house even more, "It's perfect. Catra, I don't even know what to say."

Catra squeezed her hand. Adora was brought to tears. This was it, the house they would grow old in. "I love it."

Catra seemed to relax, "I'm glad you liked it! I designed it but Glimmer and Bow helped organized having it built while we were gone. I'm really glad you liked it, stars, I was so nervous."

"You know, I had a whole speech ready but I can't remember any of it right now." she pulled herself together and took the sword out of her bag, "I love you Catra. You make me so happy and I want to try to make you as happy as you make me for the rest of my life."

Catra was crying as well now. Adora pulled the sword out of the case, "I promise to protect, love, and support you. With this sword, I ask, will you honor me by being my wife?"

"Yes."

Later, Catra would tease Adora about proposing with an ancient tradition they learned from Micah. Their friends would throw them an engagement party, Catra would get drunk enough to sing with Scorpia. They would furnish their house over the summer. They would have a small wedding in fall. They would hang the sword over the fireplace. But all of that was later, they would simply hold each other close for now.

#spop #catradora #adora #catra #spop fanfic #she ra #she ra and the princesses of power

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grandmasterofwangxiancultivation · 5 years

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MDZS ch.111 pt.2

this chapter is long and emotionally heavy, so i’m splitting this thing where i scream and you laugh at me in two, wangxian needs SPACE, so i’ll give them all tumblr HERE WE GO-

EDIT: they are talking about the “thank you” thing and this finally TERMINATES EVERY TRACE OF DISTANCE THERE MAY STILL BE BETWEEN THEM

NOW SEX, PLS

EDIT 2:

Wei WuXian grinned, “Sure, then let’s talk more about some other things, like…”

His voice lowered as he gestured with his hand for Lan WangJi to approach him, as if he was going to whisper something to him. Lan WangJi approached as expected. Yet, Wei WuXian reached out his right hand, lifted Lan WangJi’s chin, and bent down to press his lips onto Lan WangJi’s.

Only after a long time did Wei WuXian part the tiniest bit. Eyelashes brushing against each other’s, he whispered, “How is it?”

Lan WangJi, “…”

OMG SMOOTH WWX, SO SMU-SMOOTH

SAY BYE BYE TO YOUR ASS-

EDIT 3: HE BROKE LWJ AGAIN

EDIT 4:

Before he could finish, Lan WangJi wrapped his hand around his neck. With rough motions, he pressed Wei WuXian’s head down, and the two started kissing again.

THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT. YOU TAKE HUSBAND AND... YOU TAKE HUSBAND

EDIT 5:

As he wished, Wei WuXian was pinned onto the ground and smooched for a long while. Suddenly, he exclaimed, “Wait, wait!”

Lan WangJi, “What?”

Wei WuXian squinted, “I suddenly have a feeling…”

*trembles, fingers crossed*

Woods, bushes, grass, forceful motions, intertwined tongues. It felt like deja vu. He thought for a while. It felt more familiar the more he thought about it. He concluded that he had to ask the question, and tried, “The hunt at Phoenix Mountain, the time I covered my eyes, Lan Zhan, you…?”

YES YES YES YES FINALLY THIS FINALLY!!!!!! LOOK, WWX USING HIS CLEVER BRAIN TO THINK ABOUT HIS OWN HAPPINESS

He didn’t finish asking. Lan WangJi didn’t answer either, but his fingers twitched slightly. The moment Wei WuXian felt something was off about his expression, he propped his upper body up with his elbow and pressed his ear onto his chest. As expected, he heard thundering throbs.

OMG SO SWEET ASKJFPAJFPEK HE KNOWS LWJ’S HEART WILL ALWAYS BE SINCERE ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS AND HE KNEW TO CHECK HIS HEARTBEAT GUYS THIS IS TOO MUCH WHAT WILL I DO FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER

EDIT 6:

Wei WuXian, “You’ve had dirty thoughts about me ever since then?”

“…” Lan WangJi’s voice sounded muffled, “I, back then, knew I was wrong. Very wrong.”

NERVOUS LWJ IS MY NEW OXYGEN

Seeing how low Lan WangJi’s head was buried, almost as if he was reflecting upon his mistakes again, Wei WuXian scratched his chin, “Alright, stop struggling so much. Well, I’m beyond happy that you kissed me so early. It was my first kiss, after all. Congratulations, HanGuang-Jun.”

Lan WangJi suddenly looked at him, “First kiss?”

I’M STRUGGLING SO MUCH THROUGH THIS CHAPTER HOW CAN I READ IT WITHOUT WASTING MINUTES GIGGLING AND CRYING AND ADMIRING THE BEAUTY OF JUST SOME SIMPLE SENTENCES?!?!?!?!?!

EDIT 7:

His laughter was too loud, too unbridled. Finally out of patience, Lan WangJi pressed him onto the ground. Abandoning Lil’ Apple on the spot, the two rolled behind a shrub.

*trembles* hell yeah go lwj!!! aaah, i can already feel heaven descend on me!!

EDIT 8:

As he kissed the firm abdomen and ventured down, a few thin strands of hair slid off his shoulders and teased at the dangerous area along with his soft, thin breaths. Lan WangJi seemed like he couldn’t take it any longer. He reached to grab Wei WuXian’s shoulder, but Wei WuXian caught his wrist instead, “Don’t move, I told you already. I’ll do it.”

*hyperventilation* IS HE GONNA BLOW HIM OH OMG-

EDIT 9:

He pulled off his hair tie to refasten his somewhat disheveled hair before bending down again. Lan WangJi realized what he wanted to do. With a slightly unsettled expression, he lowered his voice, “No.”

Wei WuXian, “Yes.” He gently took Lan WangJi into his lips.

[...] Wei WuXian moved his hand away and started to slowly suck on it. Lan WangJi, “You…”

Soon he was no longer able to say anything.

THIS IS

SO FUCKING SEXY, ASSERTIVE WWX IS MY NEW KINK (and lwj’s, i bet)

EDIT 10: lwj is so ready to snap omg

EDIT 11: “I swallowed it.”

lwj’s mind: ............................................................. shit wow how his mouth did-

EDIT 12:

Stripped to the waist, he put his arms around Lan WangJi’s shoulders, kissing the corners of his lips and the lids of his eyes, “Good boy, don’t be scared. Next time, when it’s your turn to taste mine, you’ll need to perform as good as this, understood?”

[...] Wei WuXian kissed him again, “Lan Zhan, I love you so much.”

Lan WangJi turned to him slowly.

Wei WuXian didn’t know if it was an illusion or not, but there seemed to be a layer of red over his eyes.

OH BOY OH BOY WWX DO YOU EVER CARE ABOUT YOUR BUTT

*theyaresofuckingperfectomg*

EDIT 13:

He thought he hadn’t had enough yet, adding, “Let’s forever be like this from now on, yeah?”

Suddenly, Lan WangJi flipped him over and forced him down onto the grass.

*takes a deep breath* TOLD YOU-

EDIT 14: you’re telling me it won’t go like this

wwx: are you sure it works like this?

lwj: don’t worry, i made research

EDIT 15:

Lan WangJi, “… Does it hurt?”

Arms clinging to him, Wei WuXian couldn’t help from shivering, holding back tears, “Yes, it’s my first time—of course it hurts.”

With this, he felt Lan WangJi grow harder within his body.

*screams incoherently*

EDIT 16: wwx is such a fucking tease, lwj unable to restrain himself, i love them!!!!

EDIT 17: of course, OF COURSE WE GET LWJ’S SIDE OF THE STORY NOW, AMIDST SMUT AND FLUFF. OF COURSE.

*cries and sobs and goes hugging everybody*

On the way back to the GusuLan Sect, Lan WangJi bought a jar of ‘Emperor’s Smile’ from Caiyi Town.

The wine was fragrant. And mellow. It was clearly not of the pungent kind, yet his throat burned the moment it went down, on fire from his eyes all the way to his heart.

He didn’t like the taste, but he felt he understood why that person liked it.

i can feel my heart breaking into milions and milions of pieces. wow. wow it hurts so much!

he went looking for a flute while drunk, OKAY CAN WE TONE DOWN THE ANGST I THINK MY HEART IS SERIOUSLY-

He couldn’t find it no matter what, when all of a sudden, he saw the iron rods that had been sealed away after being confiscated from the QishanWen Sect.

After he sobered up, a scar the same as the brand mark Wei WuXian received in the cave of the Xuanwu of Slaughter appeared over his chest as well.

*shuts up, lays down and stares at nothing*

EDIT 18: aaaand they’re back being sexy

EDIT 19: okay okay OKAY-

EDIT 20: OH WOW

EDIT 21: OMG LWJ IS SO WILD AND WWX IS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ENJOYING HIMSELF

EDIT 22: WWX FUELING LWJ ON PURPOSE- B L E S S

EDIT 23: OKAY SO HERE WE HAVE

wwx: that thing about having sex everyday, pretty please forget it

lwj: no

wwx: what you never turned me down before!

lwj thinks: *that’s because i turn you on*

lwj says: no *and smiles*

wwx.exe has stopped working due to mr. pure perfection smashing on him from inside and above

EDIT 24:

He gripped the grass with both hands, shouting hoarsely, “Then four days, how about once every four days? If not four days then three works too!”

At last, Lan WangJi concluded with resonating determination, “Everyday means everyday.”

EVERYDAY MEANS EVERYDAY

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT NOW LET’S READ CHAPTER 112 NOW OR ELSE I’LL IMPLODE BADLY

#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #the founder of evil magic #the founder of diabolism #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mdzs novel #mdzs fangirling mode #mdzs ch.111

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jaylos · 5 years

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@descendantssecretsanta @e-v-i-lb-o-y-s i’m your secret santa :D i’m really sorry for the wait but here it is! it’s jaylos winter fluff, basically. i hope you like it ♥

Breaking the ice

words: 1326 warnings: none

Jay and Carlos were inseparable and everyone knew it. After all, they didn't make a secret out of it. Ever since they learned that love was something to be celebrated instead of shunned, they had slowly begun to let themselves be guided by their hearts. And their hearts guided them towards each other.

There was no snow on the Isle of the Lost. On the colder days, the best they got was depressing grey slush. Needless to say, when the VK's woke up one December morning and everything was covered in a fluffy white blanket, they were eager to try out all the activities their new friends had told them so fondly about. Of course Ben immediately offered to accompany them and so he brought them to a wide field by a forest that hadn't been visited by humans since the snow had fallen. Only some animals had left their footprints here and there.

„So, what do you want to do first?“, Ben asked, but before anyone could respond, he was hit in the chest by a snowball. All eyes turned to Mal, who covered her mouth with her hands to keep herself from laughing. „Oh, it's on,“ Ben said and grabbed a handful of snow.

When Jay shot a glance at Carlos, he was already holding as much snow as he could fit into his hands and looked at Evie with a mischievous smirk. Evie gasped when she was hit, staring down at her snow-cowered coat for a moment before bending down to make a snowball of her own. As she was about to throw it, Carlos jumped to hide behind Jay, who took the hit in his stead. „In the face? You're playing dirty,“ Jay complained, albeit with a playful undertone, as he wiped off the snow with his hand. „In my defense, I was aiming at Carlos' face,“ Evie replied. Carlos, who was still clinging to Jay's arms, peeked over Jay's shoulder to stick his tongue out at her.

Jay and Carlos were always staying close to each other when they got the chance, so Carlos holding onto him like that was nothing new to him, but whenever Carlos came so close without giving it a second thought, it still caused warmth to spread in Jay's belly every single time.

After their snowball fight, after making snow angels, and after building a big snowman, they were starting to get cold, but Ben insisted on showing them one last thing before heading back and led them into the forest.

As it often did, Carlos' hand found its way into Jay's. Carlos turned his head to Jay to give him a smile, but didn't say anything.

Jay had long understood that what he was feeling for Carlos was love. When he learned how to open his heart, Carlos was the first person to get a place in it.

On top of that, he could feel that it was mutual, but the ways of the Isle were not easy to shake off. Once they kissed, once they said out loud how much they loved each other, there was no going back. With every passing day, however, Jay became more and more certain that if he crossed that line with Carlos, everything would be okay.

„Wait, is this where we had our first date?“, Mal asked, and just as she had finished, the lake came into their view. „It's magical!“, Evie remarked as they let their eyes wander over the scene before them. The water was completely still, covered by a layer of ice, and the waterfall was only a mere trickle between thick icicles.

Before Ben could caution them to watch their step, Jay and Carlos were already racing down, half running, half slipping. „Do you think we can stand on it?“, Carlos asked when they reached the bank of the lake. „Only one way to find out,“ Jay replied and put a foot onto the ice. Slowly, he shifted his weight to test if it would hold him, before stepping onto the ice completely.

„I don't think that's a good idea,“ Ben said when they were in speaking distance, but Jay had already taken a few more steps away from the bank. „It's fine, see?“, Jay responded and turned around to show them that the ice was stable enough. Carlos took his word for it and started shuffling towards him, tongue sticking out in concentration. „Be careful!“, Evie called out when Jay all but had to catch Carlos in his arms. Carlos stood up properly, though he didn't let go of Jay, and met his gaze. „This is so cool!“, he said in an excited whisper.

The way Carlos was looking at him briefly knocked the air out of his lungs and he didn't say anything. Carlos' bright smile turned into a softer one, and for a few moments they were just standing there, looking into each other's eyes. Carefully, Jay placed a hand on Carlos' cheek, his heart beating faster by the second. He didn't care that they weren't alone. He had never said a word to them about how he felt for Carlos, but he knew that they knew. Everyone knew.

Giving himself up to someone else completely and voluntarily was scaring him more than he would have like to admit, but then and there he knew the time to do so had come.

As he leaned in, he took a small step towards Carlos, but they both froze when they heard the ice crack. „Oh no,“ Carlos whispered and for a few seconds, neither of them dared to move. „Is everything okay?“, Ben called out to them. Over Carlos' shoulder, Jay looked and Ben and responded, „Turns out we're too heavy after all.“ „You have to get off!“, Mal urged. Carlos took a deep breath and started to turn around slowly, barely lifting his feet, but the cracks just kept getting bigger under their feet. „We're not gonna make it, Jay,“ Carlos said with resignation in his voice. „It's gonna be fine, I promise,“ Jay answered. He didn't necessarily mean the ice, but he was sure that they would be fine, no matter what.

As soon as Carlos tried to take another step, the ice gave in and they both landed in the freezing water with a splash. Luckily, the water barely reached their hips and they were able to reach the land fairly quickly, where their friends helped them climb out. „Let's get you home immediately before you get sick,“ Ben said.

Although soaking wet and shivering furiously, Jay and Carlos couldn't help but smile at each other.

Back at Auradon Prep, they took a hot shower and put on their coziest clothes before they went over to the girls' room to hog the floor in front of their fireplace.

Jay had already taken a seat while Carlos snatched a fuzzy blanket from Evie's bed and joined him, throwing the blanket over the both of them. Instead of snuggling up to him as Jay expected, Carlos was facing him, looking at him expectantly, and Jay turned to meet his gaze.

A nervous smile formed on Carlos' lips. „I.. I didn't get to say it earlier, because, you know..“ When he spoke on, he lowered his voice, although he probably didn't care that the others could still hear him. „I love you.“

Jay knew what Carlos was going to say, yet his heart still skipped a beat. He brought a hand up to Carlos' face and slowly stroked his cheek with his thumb. „I love you too.“ Chuckling softly, Carlos leaned into the touch. „I know.“ Jay pulled him closer and when their lips finally met, it was as though they had done it a milion times before.

Just like that, they turned their backs on the Isle for good, and it was surprisingly easy.

#disney descendants #descendants secret santa 18 #jaylos

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silverlovesmadi · 7 years

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My interpretation of the Black Sails series finale

Why do I feel like Flint being reunited with Thomas is his version of the afterlife? I mean looking at the same (or simular) grey-ish cinematography, just like the death dreams Flint had about Miranda. On the other hand the flashbacks had the same cinematography as well. And Flint’s reunion with Thomas not being true would mean that Silver lied to Madi and even though I guess that is the only thing he considered worth lying about, because he was concerned for her life, it still feels purposely vague. If it is true, then I am happy for Thomas, but not Flint. I will stand by that sentiment. I guess the ambiguity of it all is fitting and in true TI fashion? It just saddens me that Madi never got to see the other side of Flint, the monster, because if she did, she wouldn’t be so defensive about him. There is SO MUCH Madi hasn’t witnessed. Will she ever know? Will she ever truly know? The lives he ruined? The countless of people he betrayed because of his extreme selfishness? All the lying, the deceit, the secretiveness etc. Forcing men to do his bidding by inciting fear through terror. The monster he created in Billy because of it? Will she ever know that Flint just wanted to watch the world burn? And how tragic an end for Billy to be the one end up marooned, knowing it is Flint’s actions that led him to that point.

That fight scene was really hard to get through, like it legit took me over ten pauses or something, because ugh, I was really hurting for both sides. I think it’s so hard for Madi to hear what Silver has done, on the one hand, ofcourse, because the man you trusted the most, love the most, the one you believe to be completely on your side, the only one you can be truely vulnerable with, was the one who took away the one thing you wanted the most, fought for the most. But most importantely, he planned it, which means he knowingly didn’t let her in on it. They usually tell each other everything, they’re a duo, a team, so for him to leave her completely out on such a huge decision must’ve come completely out of left field. Don’t forget, Madi is a proud woman, she is used to being in control, managing and deciding the situation. On the other hand I also think it’s hard for her to hear, because if she’s to admit to herself that what Silver told her about Flint is true, that would mean she’d had to admit to herself she too made the mistake of putting her trust in Flint. And that must be something incredibally difficult to make peace with. Madi is a fighter by nature, she has a very restless spirit knowing the practice of slavery is still thriving, and the brutalizations inflicted on it’s victims are still happening. I think, next to Silver’s “betrayal”, Madi was crying because of so many other things (her cause “failing”, humiliation and her pride being wounded, being outvoted by her own people about the treaty, the loneliness of being the only one who wants more for her people and the world, feeling like no one is in your corner, feeling like you’re not being taken seriously, not being used to be undermind in this way or at all etc.), but ultimatily underneed it al I think she was crying because of this very deep seaded frustration of knowing that, because of the colour of your skin, you can’t EVER go wherever you wanna go because the world only views you as a slave and nothing more. They don’t care that you’re so much more than that, they only care about how hard you can work to make them money. Just like Silver always wanted to find someone to see and love him for he is, Madi wants the world to see and accept her for who she is. To let her truely live free in it. This is what she always wanted for herself and her people. To not have that, is like living in a mental prison. And for someone who is that brave and is so curious about the world and has such an adventurous spirit, that must be terrifying.“She wasn’t made to be hidden away from the world”. It’s like, because she was born free, she’s thinking; I have this privilege, this luxury of being fearless, because I didn’t face oppression. Therefore I’m strong enough to take on the weight of the goddamn world, to take on the weight of all the ghosts of the people who died in chains and to take on the weight of the ones who are living in chains now. But the problem is, she is only one person, and that’s a colossal burden for one person to bare.

But Silver has been living in that world, therefore has seen more of it, is literally shaped by it (which made it easier for him to be on Julius level of understanding) so he knows the scope of the enemy she wants to defeat is so much bigger and larger then she can comprehend. He’s like: Madi I love you, with all my heart, I really do, but I’m not gonna let you continue to carry this unhumanly immense burden, I’m gonna save you from yourself and if you’ll hate me for it so fucking be it. Silver has never been apolitical imo, because if you would ask him what he wanted to see different in the world, I have no doubt he’ll have an entire list of answers. He’s a pacifist at heart, doesn’t always act like one, reluctantly, but he is. He is down to fight for the right cause, just not in the destructive way Flint intended and Madi wanted to follow. And he’s happy for it, because it means he didn’t turn into Flint. Sidenote: Look at Silver’s eyes throughout all his emotional scenes, only his eyes, the sincerity and emotion he evokes with just his eyes when he speaks, Lord, they’re so communicative.

I remember Luke Arnold saying in an interview that Silver became a man trying to do right by Madi’s mother and her people, because of his love for her. So him caring about Madi meant him caring about her people and her cause by default (freeing slaves, not the violence or war that required it). The Similarities between him and Julius are also undeniable. How many times have we heard Silver questioning this war, not just because of Madi, but also because the casualties it would undoubtedly take. When they finally defeated Eleanor in taking over Nassau, Silver pretty quickly told Flint that he didn’t expect it all to happen so violently and chaotic. Even Dooley was shook.“ But Flint continued with his, it’s al normal and part of it in the beginning. Silver “admired” his optimism. This was BEFORE his one on one with Billy. And in episode 9 when Silver long put his exit strategy in place, he questioned Flint again on his war; What next? After all the chaos and distruction? Did you actually think this shit through? And again with all the downplaying and romantizing the outcome.

In a way Flint, a mad man with no intentions of fighting for the same cause (but probably even convinced himself that he was), was Madi’s only hope to realize her dream to fight all this injustice and oppression and to actually prevail in it, and that is just so very tragic. It makes me so angry that Flint gave her all this false hope that they could win. I hope she finds an other way, a better way to fight for this cause, her cause.

Okay, now that scene with the scared cook was such a good callback, because it makes you pause and reflect again on how far this Silver is from the man who he used to be in the first episode of season 1. That was just downright CHILLING, from the menacing “Are you a fucking coward?” to the terrified man telling him that he was just the cook, which made Silver stop in his tracks for a second (and probably realize how ironic it is that he of all people called him a coward). And when he screamed “IS SHE STILL ALIVE??!!!”. All of that was some straight up LJS. Man I am still astounded by the profound change this man has went through throughout this entire story. And I just knew that in whatever state he was gonna find Madi in he was gonna be absolutely gutted and heartbroken. I was completely with him through all his emotions, from the absolute fear of being too late and the devistating grief and disbelief of her possibly not being alive after all, to the snapping out of it when she turns her head towards him. God I just love how Silver always breaks down and changes from LJS the pirate to just John Silver, the person, the man, when he sees her, it’s downright magical. She’s just so incredibally precious and invaluable to him. When he held her head and pressed is head to her head, in that moment they both didn’t need to be strong anymore and Silver sat there like he was already home and never wanted to leave.

In their last scene Madi looked like she was finally ready for that first conversation since their fight, like she was ready to dip her toes in the Silver pool again and talk to him, not fight. And I admire her for it, because it shows that despite what he did, she was able to acknowledge why he did it. It speaks of true character on her part. I hope that she realizes and will come to appreciate that her alliance did have a big impact and that she did make a difference by creating the opportunity for the slave communities in Nassau to escape and aiding a big part of them to making it to Maroon Island. But also causing the mobilization of the Maroon leaders from other island communities who were inspired by what her alliance achieved and might pick up where she left off. The defeat of Rogers which allowed for Featherstone and Max to take over, two people I’d much rather deal with regarding resources from Nassau then Rogers. And yes, the treaty that guaranteed safety for the largly growing community on her island, that too. The abolition of slavery took milions of tiny and big steps throughout history, because it was that difficult to defeat. Even if the alliance could’ve achieved such an impossible feat, then it would still take a really long time for things to get better for Black people. But I get it, you don’t know until you see it with your own eyes and Madi is a really curious woman. In the end Madi has started to found her way back to Silver and that is all that matters to me. Silver, I swear to God, his stubborn faith in the power of his love for Madi and his unwavering dedication to her, uggh. I understand Madi’s anger completely, but I still love that Silver did what he did. That deep, passionate, emotional and intense connection that these two have, I’ve never seen anything like it portrayed this way on television. Realistic, organic and true, despite being such opposites on the inside and out, not giving a shit what the world thought of them daring to see each other for who they truly are. I swear, Romeo and Juliet could never! I’m really gonna miss them.

So yeah, I ugly cried a lot this episode because Madi and Silver are such painfully HEARTBREAKING characters, in who they are, what they went through and everything they stand for. All in all, this episode left me semi-satisfied / semi-conflicted, because there are still some emotional bruises for our couple and not everyone got their due imo.

I loved the way they ended the episode, because it didn’t feel like an ending. Just because this was the last episode of this show, just because Madi and Silver settled down or Flint is “gone”, it doesn’t mean the story is over. And the intro to Mary Read, I kinda screamed, because at first it was clear you heard a woman’s voice, cut to her face, then I thought: Jim Hawkins? Because she so specifically asked about LJS. Then I immediately thought, naaah, waaay too soon into the story. So the only thing I was left with was that actually made sense was Mary Read, because not only did she sound like a woman, but her boyish looks gave her away as well (Hence I thought she was Jim for a sec.). And when she introduced herself as “Mark” Read I was like OMG I knew it! The show introduced her character anywaaay (because the creators said they wanted to earlier in the show or at least thought about it, but eventually thought better of it in the end). And the way Anne immediately disregards her, boooy if she only knew, the two of you are in for a treat lol.

#man i talk a lot lol #and into excruciating detail #see what my brain does to me?#madi x silver #madi scott #john silver #bsmadi #bssilver #black sails season 4 #black sails spoilers #meta analysis #my posts #slavery #colonialism

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babinforaelin · 7 years

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Rowaelin Fanfic, Modern AU, But She’s Looking at You, Part 9

Maeve owns the best club in the city, but when Aelin shows up demanding answers from her Aunt, she is forced into one month of working as a DJ in her Aunt’s club in exchange for information. Along the way she meets Rowan and the rest of the cadre, who are working as bartenders in the club… and Rowan is given the task of babysitting Aelin for the month.

Here she is!! The final instalment of But She’s Looking at You! I Just wanted to say thank you to all the beautiful messages you guys send me, because they honestly keep me going. Since this was the first thing I’ve ever written, I wasn’t even expecting anyone to see it, let alone like it J So thank you from the bottom of my heart <3

Aelin smirked at Maeve, who was shaking with rage as she took in the blank CCTV screens behind her. Her plan had been unfolding perfectly until her Aunt brought Rowan in. He was still sitting in the bloodied chair, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Rowan slowly lift his head. He had been so horribly beaten that Aelin wasn’t even sure if he’d be okay, but at least he was awake.

Before she could inspect him further, Maeve spun around and snarled at her, eyes ablaze with pure loathing.

“As I was saying,” Aelin purred, “give me the information I need and let Rowan go. Then I’ll be on my way.”

Maeve’s nostrils flared with rage, and Aelin waited while her Aunt thought it over. Then her beautiful mouth broke into a sly smile.

“You’re bluffing, aren’t you dear?” she said slowly.

Without breaking her Aunt’s stare, Aelin pulled out a small gold lighter from the pocket of her jeans. She saw Rowan stiffen slightly, the movement so small it was almost undetectable. She knew that the pieces had fallen into place in his mind.

“No, dear Aunt, I’m not. You see, while you’ve been here listening to yourself talk, I’ve had someone leaking all of the gas lines around Doranelle, this room included. So if I so much as light a single flame in here.... well I think you know far too well what will happen.”

With each word Aelin spoke, Maeve’s smile morphed into a glower.

“If what you’re saying is true, then you and all the innocent people in this building would die. Burnt to death.”

Aelin didn’t let herself pause, “Big risk to take, isn’t it Maeve?”

Her Aunt didn’t reply as she glared around the room, at Lorcan and Gavriel still unconscious on the floor, at Rowan who was now staring back at his boss with undiluted hate. Aelin could see the wheels turning in her Aunt’s mind as Maeve weighed up her options thoroughly.

Eventually the black-haired woman breathed a frustrated sigh through her nose and lowered herself back into her chair, arms bracing on her desk.

“Fine. Let’s talk.”

Rowan could hardly believe what he was hearing. Aelin had done it. She had called ‘check-mate’ in what seemed like a never-ending battle between her and Maeve. Aelin spared a glance at him then, probably checking that he was alive and nothing more. But as her stunning eyes met his, he was shocked at the pain that poured out of her. Was it pain for his injuries, or simply because she had been the cause? He didn’t know, and he wasn’t able to consider it before Maeve started once again.

“What do you need to know?” she ground out.

“I want the money, Maeve.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

Aelin paused for a moment, considering something, before starting again.

“The money that was rightfully left to me after my parents were killed, probably by you. Or did you think I would be too stupid to work out who had taken it?”

Rowan froze. She had never told him that she thought Maeve was behind her parent’s death. Hadn’t even hinted to it.

Maeve crossed her slender hands under her chin and rested on the desk.

“What proof do you have that I had anything to do with either ... unfortunate event?”

Aelin simply threw the lighter into the air before catching it, over and over again, considering her words. It was the same lighter that she had bought with him. His breath had caught in his throat when he first saw it, not only because it had been a slap in the face to remember a time when he was actually happy, but because it suddenly occurred to him how long Aelin had been planning this. For weeks, months even.

Aelin caught the lighter and stilled.

“Who else would have been in a position to gain anything from it? You were my only remaining blood relative who was also old enough to be my guardian. In terms of the money... you’ve always been rich, but I’m sure you wouldn’t waste any of your own precious funds on building a five-storey night club.”

Maeve’s mouth twisted into a small smile.

“I just can’t help but wonder why you never went to a lawyer about these idea’s of yours?”

Rowan realised that Maeve was choosing her words carefully, making sure that she didn’t admit to anything.

“Because,” Aelin growled, “you know full well that the lifestyle you shoved me into would make me a target for the police. Pit fights aren’t exactly legal in Adarlan.”

Maeve had left her to live that life? So that Aelin would never be able to exact justice? Rowan bristled.

“What do you want me to do, sweet Aelin? Write you a cheque for thirty milion dollars? I doubt the bank would let that slide past them easily.”

Holy God... Aelin’s parents must have been incredibly important for her inheritance to be such a massive sum. It was no wonder Maeve wanted steal it from her. He thought he had worked Aelin out, but he was so wrong. Who was she?

Aelin merely smiled.

“No no, I’ve already taken most the money out out over the past few months.”

Maeve stilled.

“The business partner you’ve been working with recently? Mr. Archer Flynn? Let’s just say that he ran into some trouble shortly after your first meeting with him and ... well it wasn’t hard to fake his movements around Rifthold, or to flash his money around town to make your spies believe he was a serious contender for an investment in your business endeavours. It’s a shame your lackeys never thought to wait and see him without his hoodie on... maybe then you would have realised it was all a ploy. Especially since his body is currently rotting in Riftholds sewers.”

Maeve was shaking now, the rage so strong she could barely keep it contained.

“So I have been sending you letter and emails for months, urging you to send me the money to build our casino in Rifthold, and you stupidly did. So oblivious to the fact you were being used, since you cannot fathom the possibility of falling from this pedestal you sit on.

“The last of the money I was hoping you could give to me in cash. It’s only about five thousand I believe, and if my snooping serves me correctly then the safe behind that ugly painting contains approximately ten-grand.”

Maeve’s face was red now, nails digging into the desk.

“You little bitch,” she seethed.

“Takes one to know one.”

Rowan couldn’t help but breathe a laugh. At her retort, and the entire situation. Both women whipped their heads around to look at him. Aelin gave him a grin that lit up her eyes.

“As for Rowan, I’ve already had the system wiped of the digital copy of his contract. So if you could do me a favour and fetch the original hard copy, that would be brilliant, and since it’s no doubt in the safe then you can grab the money while you’re at it.”

Aelin watched as Maeve slowly rose from her chair and stepped around it. Heels clicking against the dark floor, Maeve walked to large the painting of Medusa’s severed head. She slid the painting across the wall, attached to tracking that was hidden behind its obnoxious frame, revealing the small safe.

“I’m on a tight schedule. I’d appreciate it if you could hurry it up, dear Aunt.” She taunted, only because she wasn’t sure how much longer Rowan would stay conscious for.

Maeve snarled, but punched in the numbers and opened the door with a loud ‘click’.

She reached a hand in, the sound of papers shuffling filling the room.

Then, fast as an asp, she spun to face them. An arm extended as she clasped a handgun in her delicate fingers, the barrel pointed directly at Aelin.

“Perhaps next time you should follow me to the safe.”

Aelin felt her body go stiff at the sight of the gun. She heard a chair scrape against the floor on the other side of the room, followed by grunts as Rowan heaved himself up.

“No. Maeve, don’t hurt her,” he ground out. Aelin didn’t have to look to know blood was still leaking from his mouth.

Maeve pursed her lips at him as her eyes flicked to his stumbling form.

“How noble of you, trying to save her,” she purred. “Haven’t you realised by now that you were nothing but a pawn in her game? You’re worthless to her. Why on earth would she ever love you? A washed-up nobody with a-“

“Rowan, don’t listen to her. I don’t think that. I would never think that.” Aelin said, praying that he could hear the emotion in her voice.

Maeve simply cocked the gun, and although she said nothing, the threat rang loud and clear. One more stray word from Aelin, and she would find herself with a bullet between her eyes.

It was enough to make Rowan stop his slow shuffle across the room. Aelin could feel him a few feet behind her, somewhere to her right.

Her Aunt took a few taunting steps closer, though still too far out of reach. If only Aelin could get the gun off her...

“Rowan stays with me,” Maeve growled, “and I want my money back now.”

Aelin snarled, unable to stop the sound from leaving her throat.

“Go to hell,” she growled at her Aunt.

Maeve stared at her for a long moment, eyes narrowed. Then, before Aelin could blink, she moved her arm to her right and fired the gun.

Directly at Rowan.

Lysandra gasped as she watched Rowan crumble to the floor, clutching his stomach. Aelin screamed silently, the emotion on her face evident even through the laptop screen.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” Dorian swore from beside her.

Blood was already pouring out Rowan’s stomach and pooling around his body. This definitely wasn’t a part of the plan.

Her eyes were planted firmly on her friend, waiting for the signal to send in Aedion and Manon. Aelin had given her firm instructions the night before.

‘Dont, under any circumstance, send them in until I give the signal.’

“Come on Aelin,” Lysandra whispered to the screen. Just give the sign... any second now she would – there. Both Dorian and Lysandra saw Aelin’s hand reach behind her back and make the signal – a tightened fist that then burst open, fingers extending.

Only a second passed before Lysandra called Aedion. He picked up instantly.

“Time to go?” he asked, hushed.

“Get in there now. Maeve pulled out a gun and shot Rowan. Aelin is next. Go, go, go,” she said as quickly as she could.

Aedion hung up, and Lysandra watched as he and Manon ran across the rooftop of Doranelle, then slid down the ropes they had set up earlier and slammed feet-first through Maeve’s office window.

Aelin couldn’t hold back the sobs as she turned to run toward Rowan, but Maeve stopped her with a simple, “ah-ah-ahh.”

Maeve gestured with the gun and Aelin turned back around to face her, tears dripping off her chin.

“I suppose a gas leak would have killed us all. Next time, don’t bluff yourself through a situation, dear.”

Off to her left she could hear Lorcan and Gavriel start to get up, lifted from unconsciousness by the sound of the gunshot.

“Shit,” Gavriel said in horror as he took in his friends bleeding form.

Maeve held out a hand to stop them from walking any further. Then fixed her attention solely on her niece.

“You have been a thorn in my side since the day you were born.” She took leisurely steps toward Rowan as she did so. Aelin didn’t turn to watch her.

“I thought I’d gotten rid of you when I threw you onto the streets of Rifthold, hoped at best you would be scooped up by a brothel madam. You were young enough when your parents died that I hoped it would all appear like a bad dream to you.”

She was directly behind Aelin now, standing beside Rowan, his grunts the only noise in the room as he tried to stunt his bleeding.

“Now,” her Aunt continued, “I’m going to pluck this sweet rose. Unfortunately for you, I don’t need you breathing to retrieve my money. It’s truly a shame you didn’t just stay out of my way, dear child. Maybe then you would have lived.”

Aelin heard Maeve cock the gun another time, and take her aim. Slowly, Aelin turned to face her Aunt, who’s red lips parted in a serpentine smile as she watched her niece accept death.

Rowan lay next to Maeve’s feet, blood pooling against the dark floor. So much blood that Aelin couldn’t comprehend how he was still conscious. He should be dead, she realised with a shudder. This was her fault. All of it was her fault. If she was going to die, then she would tell him the truth.

“Rowan,” she said softly. His eyes lifted to meet hers. The vibrant green had dulled as if the life had drained out of him. She continued.

“You mean more to me than you will ever realise. You were the first person in my life that understood me, and didn’t judge me for it. You showed me that there was more to life than I had ever thought possible. Even though I only knew you for a month, I felt like I had known you my entire life, and.... I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I got you dragged into this, because Maeve knew how I felt. She knew I.... She knew I loved you. For as long as I live, I will be sorry. Perhaps even after that.”

Rowan was motionless, green eyes shining as he realised what she said. She had said it. For once in her life she had told someone the truth.

Maeve tilted her head as she looked between Aelin and Rowan.

“How sweet.”

She slid her finger against the trigger and began to pull.

Aelin closed her eyes.

The pain in Rowan’s abdomen was unlike anything he could imagine. He had been shot before, mostly during his time in the police force, but nothing this serious. His blood had now soaked through his clothes, his hair, but it still poured out of him.

With each second that passed he felt his life drip away. He had his hand pressed to hard against the wound that his fingers were going numb. Or perhaps that was the blood loss.

But all of that pain and worry had eased when Aelin spoke to him. When she said those words. ‘I love you.'

For a brief moment Rowan had been transported back, to a time when Aelin was curled up against him while he played with her hair, her forehead pressed to his chest as they lay on her bed. She had looked up at him then, her eyes soft as she pressed a kiss to his pectoral. The motion so gentle that his heart had skipped a beat.

Rowan realised in that moment that Aelin had been in love with him. Not only that, but she had been for a long while.

As the memory faded, and Maeve muttered some words, Rowan gathered the last of his strength. He would do this. If it was the last thing he did, he would do this for Aelin. Because he loved her.

Maeve’s finger moved to pull the trigger, and Rowan kicked his leg out. Smacking Maeve in ankles so hard that she fell backwards. The shot rang out, and the bullet lodged itself in the ceiling.

Aelin was already running for them, refusing to miss a chance, just as he had hoped. But she didn’t move to get the gun off her Aunt. She came for him.

But the motion he made had torn the wound even further, and Rowan could feel himself flickering. Unconsciousness swept in for a few moments, but Aelin slapped him hard enough that his eyes sprung open once again.

“Stay with me Rowan. Stay with me.”

A heartbeat passed, when Rowan heard the sound of glass smashing. Behind Aelin’s shoulder Aedion and Manon were quickly unclipping ropes from harnesses and moving to fight Gavriel and Lorcan.

Aelin used that moment of Maeve’s distraction to rise and slam a foot into her stomach. The gun flew out of her manicured hand and Aelin wasted to time in grabbing it and taking aim.

On the other side of the room, Manon had quickly taken Lorcan down and was now helping Aedion.

Rowan might have been imagining things thanks to the blood loss, but he swore he heard Gavriel whisper, “Son?” before Aedion delivered a round-house kick to his gut.

Aelin inched back until she was once again at Rowan’s side. Without taking her aim off Maeve, she reached down and slid her arm around Rowan, heaving him up. Aedion and Manon quickly ran over and took over. They walked him to the window but Rowan could do very little to help them support his weight. His wound was screaming.

He heard Aelin’s shoes scuff against the floor as she walked to the safe and grabbed everything she needed, gun still pointed at Maeve. Then, slow as a tiger watching it’s prey, she came over to the window and dropped the money in one of the backpacks Manon had brought. Aedion was pressing Rowan’s hands against the rope, whispering instructions to him, “You just need to hold on for five seconds. That’s it. The car will be right there, and then we can get you sorted out.”

Rowan nodded, though it was an effort to do so.

Maeve growled from across the room, anger seeping out of her in waves.

Aelin held the gun and papers in her hand. Rowan’s contract, he realised.

She once again pulled out the gold lighter from her pocket and flicked it open.

“Rowan comes with me. The money is mine.”

She pressed the paper to the edge of the flame and the heat quickly began to eat away at the contract.

Aelin checked her watch briefly.

“Also, I wasn’t completely bluffing about the gas leak. I rigged it to start in approximately two minutes. So you can either stay here and burn, or get the hell out.”

Maeve’s eyes widened in shock, and then she narrowed them and snarled.

“I will find you again Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, and when I do you will be dead before you even realise what is happening.”

Galathynius.... as in the royal family of Terrasen? Rowan was obviously losing his mind.

Aelin dropped the papers to the ground and checked her nails, bored.

“Sounds like a bucket of fun, Maeve. See you in hell.”

Rowan didn’t get to see what happened next because Aedion told him once again to hold one before he threw Rowan out the window. His palms burned as they slid against the rope, but he held on. The ground loomed closer and spots clouded his vision. Manon slid on the rope across from him, and when he reached the bottom she ran to help him to the back of the van. The doors opened and he saw Lysandra and Dorian waiting for him, ready with bandages and bottles of disinfectant. Rowan vaguely recalled Aelin saying that Dorian was in his fourth year at med school, studying to be a surgeon. Lucky him.

Manon pushed Rowan into the back and he lay flat on his back. Dorian’s face loomed over him.

“Not going to lie, we were expecting Aelin to be in this position, not you.”

Rowan couldn’t imagine anything worse.

He felt the tentative hands of Lysandra prodding at his face, checking to see what had been broken.

The next thing he knew, Aelin jumped in the back and started shouting. “IS HE ALRIGHT?” She crouched next to him, hands resting on either side of his face.

“Rowan! Are you okay? I’m so sorry.” She started sobbing. He lifted a hand to hers, caressing a thumb over her skin, which only made her cry harder.

“I’m fine, Aelin. Thank you for saving me,” he whispered.

He was vaguely aware that the van was moving now.

“I love you, Buzzard,” she growled at him.

He chuckled at the nickname, despite everything that had just happened.

“I love you too, Fireheart.”

A large BOOM sounded from behind them then, making the very ground they were driving on begin to shake.

“Maeve’s office?” he guessed.

Aelin’s grin was her only reply.

Two months later

Aelin’s cries of pleasure died down, though her heart was still racing. Rowan gently eased himself out of her, planting kisses along her collarbone as he did. They lay there for a few minutes, panting against one another, skin slick with sweat. Rowan moved his kisses to her neck, and she suddenly found it very hard to focus.

“You’re distracting me,” she said, breathless.

He nipped at her throat.

“You needed distracting.”

Aelin couldn’t argue with that. She had been finalising her plans to go after Arobynn with such an eye for detail that her head had started spinning. Rowan was good at knowing when she needed to be dragged out of her research. Hence how they had ended up like this – Aelin’s back pressed against the soft pillows of their bed as he ravaged her.

They had moved into her apartment in Rifthold and for the first time in her life, Aelin was truly happy. She knew Rowan felt the same.

His kisses moved lower, between her breasts, and it became hard to breathe.

Aelin had always believed it fate. That tug that had led her to Wendlyn in search for her Aunt... Perhaps it had been meant to lead her to Rowan the entire time. She would never know.

But as Rowan pressed kisses against her abdomen, she decided it didn’t matter.

Fate or coincidence she didn’t care. Because all she knew was that she would be eternally grateful.

The end.

#rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelin fanfic #my writing #tog fanfic #throne of glass

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superprincesspea · 7 years

Text

The Honey House, Chapter 22

Right Hand Men

MASTERLIST

Negan had been up since dawn having spent the night somewhere between sleep and consciousness, his mind constantly turning over ideas and refusing to fully switch off. It was noon now although he hadn’t left his room or even wanted to. He sat watching the clock on his wall, waiting for the second hand to tick to twelve before he turned the cap of the bottle, breaking the seal of the lid and deciding it was five o’clock somewhere.

There was a knock at the door, as expected, and he poured the freshly opened gin into two cut glass tumblers before calling, “come in.”

Simon took a seat in his usual spot, his posture relaxed as he sank into one of the deep set armchairs with a satisfied grunt.

Negan pinched the tumblers together in one hand, in the other he carried the bottle before taking a seat opposite from Simon and passing him his drink. Gin, neat. “How did everything go with the Kingdom?”

“Good,” he raised his glass before taking a sip and sinking even further into the chair. “The drop was full but you know what they can be like...”

Negan chuckled bitterly, taking a sip of his own gin. He knew exactly what Ezekiel's people could be like. But he could hardly blame them. If someone tried to take just one box of his supplies he would be crazier than a bear with a thorn in its paw. There’s no way he could stand by and watch it happen week after week, even if it cost him his life.

Negan laughed again, he thought of Rae and the way she hadn’t surrendered to Jacob despite the terrible odds of her people making it through to the end. She was willing to fight until her last breath. Just like him. The thought didn’t exactly comfort him but thinking of Rae made the Matchstick Fort seem a milion miles away.

He nursed his glass, rolling it between his hands, he’d never been much of a gin man. He preferred scotch or a nice cool beer but anything was good when it had become as rare as a simple bottle of gin had become. Negan didn’t know how long they sat together in comfortable silence, like two strangers at a gentleman's club, but it only seemed to make what he was about to say feel even more significant.

He stared out of the window where he could just about see his fence of dead that had once been a source of joy second only to Lucille but now it was an eyesore. He sighed taking a big gulp of the gin, it tasted bitter and slid down just as bitter as everything in this place seemed so fucking dull. From the grey walls to the empty faces to the faded sounds of his wives doing whatever the hell they did on the other side of the closed door.

Simon was the closest thing he had to a friend but despite that they would sit in silence like this until Negan decided what they would talk about and it was never more than surface level shit.

“I need you to do something for me,” his gaze waited until Simon’s caught up, “and I need you to keep it fucking discreet.”

Simon laughed, “you know me.”

He certainly did. “That's why I’m fucking telling you to keep things discrete.”

Simon saluted with his lopsided grin, “whatever the hell you say boss.”

Negan took a breath and downed the last of his gin. He wasn’t sure why this felt so difficult except that it felt like the end of something and a shaky beginning of something else. “I want to get rid of my wives.”

Simon leaned forward in his chair, the smile gone from his face, “you want me to kill ‘em?”

Negan laughed. Hard. Any tension he’d been feeling heaved from his chest so loud that the whole sanctuary could probably hear. Jesus fucking Christ. Killing them would be the easy option. “No, I don’t want them fucking dead. But when I tell them this shit show is over then I wanna be prepared. I don’t want to be trapped in this room with five pissed off exes if you know what I fucking mean.”

Simon laughed, relaxing back into his chair while Negan topped up both their glasses.

“I want you to find them all new rooms. Amber and Sherry can fucking share.” No doubt they’d run right back to the boyfriends they’d thrown away for him and no doubt those dumbassess would welcome them back with open fucking arms.

“Kirsten.” He took a shot of gin, his eyes hard, “let's get one thing goddamn clear about Kirsten. I want her as far as fuck away from me as humanly possible. I want her on the other side of the compound with Skinny Joey making sure she doesn’t find her fucking way back here.”

Simon snorted, “maybe I’ll let her bunk with me. She might need a new sugar daddy to comfort those titties.”

Negan knew Kirsten was the most obnoxious woman he’d ever met the second he spoke to her but he hadn’t been planning on doing much talking. Out of all the wives she was the one that would give him the most trouble about a divorce. It wasn’t that she gave two shits about him, it was that Kirsten loved nothing more than herself and she liked herself as Queen Bee. Divorcing her would put her back with the rabble and to Kirsten that would be a fate worse than death. “I don’t care where the fuck you put her as long as I don’t have to be within ear shot of it.”

Negan could see the cogs turning behind Simon’s crazy expression. “What about the others?”

“Sonya and Jennifer,” he scratched his beard, he’d been thinking about those two all night. “They’re good girls. Set ‘em up with something nice.” He’d had fun with them and he wanted to look after them still. “But like I say, I want this to be just between us until abso-fucking-lutely necessary.”

Simon nodded with a shit eating grin. “So… are you moving the redhead in?”

“No.” Negan kept his face even. He didn’t want people, not even Simon, to think about Rae as anything more than a woman he liked to fuck. He didn’t want them knowing that he gave a shit about anything because giving a shit was what made you weak. Throwing away his wives already felt like he was giving up some power, the power to be the King Dick with five women in his bed, it created an image that people could follow whether they agreed with it or not.

“Why then?”

“I’m getting rid of my wives because I can’t stand a single fucking one of them.” It was too honest so he added, “I don’t need to be married to find decent pussy and I’m not gonna marry every last chick I wanna fuck.” Having a harem of desirable women didn’t seem so exciting anymore, neither did owning Dwight's scrawny ass. Dwight could have Sherry, she was a shit lay and boring as fuck to talk to - if she ever opened her mouth to say anything.

“Alright, whatever you want Boss,” Simon downed his drink and stood up. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, if you see that prick Donnie send his ass to my office.” Fuck, if Negan was going to be responsible then so could that little fucker.

///

From the second they left the house Rae felt the tension silently sitting between herself and Tim. She could see it in the way he squared his shoulders with his eyes never quite meeting hers and his words limited to ‘yes’, ‘no’ or a barely audible grumble.

She could have left Tim at the farm and taken Negan’s men on today's scavenging hunt and in the future she probably would. But today Rae needed to do what she should have done before, talk to Tim. The tension that lingered between them had sat at the dinner table last night and an awkward breakfast this morning. It wasn’t fair to everyone else and there was no avoiding each other when they lived in a community of less than thirty.

They pulled up at a daycare, the multicoloured lettering faded in the sun and the doors still locked up tight. They needed supplies for Carly’s baby and anything else that might be useful but more than anything she needed a place away from home and any real danger where they could talk without a million ears listening. Tim jimmied the door with a crowbar, the noise didn’t seem to disturb any halfers that might have been waiting inside but after scavenging with Negan she knew better than to be complacent.

Rae stepped in first, her knife at the ready, her breathing slowed to silence as her ears pricked for any and every noise.

Nurseries always had that same smell; paint, playdough, little boys urinals and school dinners. It took her back to the time when she started her very first day at kindergarten and if she closed her eyes she could almost conjure the memory that Zuzu would never have. She sighed tracing one fingertip along a display wall filled with hundreds of painted handprints. All different colours cut out of card and stapled down like a rainbow. On the other wall was framed photos of staff members, all of them women and all sporting that same cheesy smiles that said ‘I love kids’.

“Tim,” she said, glancing away from the photos and trying to work up the courage to say something more.

She could feel him looking at her and in his silence she could tell he knew, without a single word, what it was she wanted to talk to him about. “I know you don’t like Negan, I get it but he’s in my life now and I-”

Tim snorted, when she looked at him his face was twisted, “don’t tell me you’re in love with him!”

Was that what she wanted to tell him? Was that what she felt for Negan, a man she’d known for less than two months. Maybe it was. “I care about him. I think that-”

Tim surged forward, stopping short of colliding into her but close enough that she could feel the heat of his anger. “I thought you’d know better! I thought you’d figure out what he was on your own. Haven’t you learned anything? You can’t trust him Rae.”

“He helped us when we needed it. He’s brought us food, men, he’ll bring us more.”

“Do you know how he talks about you when you’re not there? The things he says?” His rage looked more like pity now, “I didn’t want to tell you because I don’t like to even think about women like that.”

Her heart sank, “what did he say?”

“He says you’re just nice pussy that he wants to fuck. And judging from the look on his face last night, you gave him exactly what he wanted.”

Her cheeks flared red, her denial kicked in, “it's not like that.”

“Jesus Rae, are you that stupid? Do you really think he cares about anything but himself? He’s got what he wants from you just like he probably gets it from every other woman he meets out there.”

She could feel tears swelling in her throat but she swallowed them down. Tim was only saying every single thing she feared about Negan but her heart refused to believe it.

“I’m sorry Rae,” Tim’s voice was softer, his hand reached for her shoulder but she pulled away. “I’m not trying to hurt you.” He pulled his glasses off his nose, and pressed his fingers against his eyes with a heavy sigh before he looked at her. “Do you remember when everything went to hell and I showed up at your apartment? I helped you find your sister and Zuzu then got you guys to your Grandma’s house.”

She’d been a mess, she’d watched an old school friend die right before her eyes and had barely been able to talk let alone think. “Yes.”

“God Rae, I went to you. You over everyone because I... I was in love with you, even then. Jesus Christ!” he leaned his hand on the wall, not quite looking at her, “I’ve loved you for years.”

“I...” she didn’t know what to say, there wasn’t an easy way of telling someone you didn’t love them back, she sheathed her knife. “Tim-”

He reached for her again, his hand cupping her cheek, his breathing more agitated, “and now... I have to watch another man putting his hands all over you. Do you have any idea what that's like? Its disgusting!”

Rae felt fire flare in her belly, her shoulders squared, Miguel had told her she was a whore for having a relationship with Jacob. She wasn’t going to let Tim make her feel that way about Negan. “I didn’t ask you to love me Tim. Yes, you helped me but that was your choice. I don’t owe you anything!”

Tim didn’t answer, he grabbed her. His grip painfully tight on her arms as he slammed her against the wall of handprints, the back of her head taking a blow that made her dizzy. “Ti-” she tried to reason with him but his lips crushed against hers, his tongue forcing between her teeth.

Rae pushed against him but the weight of his body pinned her tight to the wall. She reached to strike his face but he caught her wrist, slamming it against her head as her other hand squeezed around his neck with as much force as she could find. He weakened and her knee bent, landing on his crotch in one hard shove.

Tim released her, collapsing to his knees, his eyes watering as he cupped his hand over his jeans.

“What the hells wrong with you?” She shouted, her own eyes streaming with tears.

She wanted nothing more than to run to the car and drive all the way to Negan’s men and send for him but anything she might have done was irrelevant when the sound of a gun cocking seemed to echo from every wall.

Rae’s heart stopped beating, her hand instinctively reached for her glock but it was too late. There was already a barrel pointed at her head, the shine of the muzzle catching her eye as a man stepped through the door Tim had jimmied open.

“Put you hands in the air,” the man drawled but her hand kept onto her glock, her heartbeats creeping back in as she wondered if she could be fast enough, if she could pull her gun and duck behind a nearby bookcase.

“Y'all better do what he says,” another voice commanded, her attention glancing down the hallway to where two men stepped from a side room, blocking any chance she might have had at escaping.

Her heart beats were relentless now, her breaths desperate pants as her mind tried to think of an option that was better than surrender. Negan wouldn’t surrender but Negan wouldn’t be out here on his own either. Why hadn’t she brought his men?

“Are you Rachel Honey?” the first man said. Jacob’s men she decided, her head whipping back around to look at him, his revolver held out straight, no hesitation and the look in his eyes as cold as ice.

“How do you know my name?” she said, her voice surprisingly even despite the fear that wanted to cry and collapse into a heap on the floor.

“A friend.” His stance relaxed, the gun never wavered but she felt hope. “He told me you were good people. The kind of people I can trust.”

“What friend?”

His eyes narrowed, his jaw tightening before he nodded to her gun, “put your weapon on the ground and we’ll talk.”

Rae looked over her shoulder to the other men who had inched closer, making her even more certain she could do nothing but do exactly what they wanted. Even if she wanted to fight Tim was already placing his gun on the floor. She pulled her glock from her belt, slowly, her eyes burrowing into Tim. If she hadn’t decided to come out here with him, if he hadn't attacked, a million of if’s and maybe she wouldn’t have been in this situation.

“Now kick it to my friend,” she did, it slid across the linoleum easily.

“Knife too,” the straggly haired man ordered, his accent even thicker than the first mans.

Rae bit her tongue, her eyes glancing between all the men as she pulled her knife free and did as told with irritated reluctance. When she was disarmed, she demanded, “who are you people?”

The first man lowered his gun, his eyes shining with softness, as if he was relieved things had gone so easily for him, “my names Rick Grimes.”

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#Negan #negans thirst squad #negans network #Negan/OC #TWD #The Walking Dead #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #JDM #The Honey House #superprincesspeawrites #non com

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angelkurenai · 7 years

Text

Picture Perfect - Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester - Chapter 7

Title: Picture Perfect

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: Around 5k

Warnings: Angst

Prompt: I got it! Can you do a fic where Sam dies while (Y/N) is pregnant with his child and so Dean helps her raise the child and they live the apple pie life and right when Dean wants to propose to (Y/N), Sam returns to life & ANGST. Please and thank you

Special thank you to @gaveherhearttotheliontattoo for being an awesome beta!

Read: Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6

“What is that?”

Dean's eyes remained on you for only a few seconds before casting down. He cleared his throat as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He chewed on his lower lip as he opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the right words to say at the moment. But he really found none.

“That- That is- I- I am going to-” his voice was barely above a whisper and you could hear and see the struggle crystal clear. Well, truth was you were struggling to understand- hell even try to give a reason to what was on the chair at the moment.

“Dean, what the hell is that?!” you didn't realize how your voice rose dangerously so, the scream almost making your throat hurt.

Dean closed his eyes for a moment before he finally opened them and looked up to meet your own eyes. And that was the moment your heart dropped to your stomach. A gasp left your lips, even if he said not a single word you knew he didn't have to. It was the one thing you feared the most once Sam came back and it was really happening. He didn't even open his mouth to speak, you only stared at each other. You mostly angry and him completely broken.

It was the pieces you thought you had put together with your words, actions and above all love, little by little before and a lot more after Sam's death. But here he was, maybe worse than before. And this time you feared there was nothing you could do because he wouldn't let you even try.

“Mommy?” a low childlike voice was heard, breaking the heavy silence that had fallen between you and the older Winchester.

Your head snapped to the direction, almost like a reflex and you let out a shaky breath when you saw your daughter stand on the doorway, green eyes almost wide as she stared up at the both of you. Fear was written all over her beautiful baby face and you hated yourself for that.

“Mary no.” Sam breathed out, just now seemingly having caught up with her – no wonder she had ran off and he couldn't keep up with her “Sweetheart, leave mommy and uncle- daddy Dean alone.” he corrected himself “They need to talk about things you-”

“Why are you arguing?” she asked with a small whimper as she pulled her hand from Sam's grasp and walked towards you.

You gave Sam a small smile and he sighed, nodding his head with an apologetic smile. He looked at his brother who immediately averted his eyes from the younger Winchester and Sam frowned.

“We're not arguing, princess.” you knelt down “Just go with daddy Sam, please? We have a conversation here and we're not-”

“What's that daddy?” she asked softly as she glanced at Dean but obviously noticed the one thing that had made you raise your voice.

This time Dean struggled even more because this time he actually had to say it. He had to utter the words, he had to say it for Mary to understand and that would make it all the more real. It was something that he didn't want to do but at the same time had to go through with. It would have been easier if he didn't have to face you but now he actually did and on top of it he had to explain this to Mary.

“That's- Sweetheart, that is- it's a duffel bag.” he breathed out the word, a little shakily you realized and you bit the inside of your cheek hard to keep yourself from snapping at him.

“Why- why do you have it?” she asked, frowning sadly as she fidgeted with her dress.

“Yeah Dean-” you said through gritted teeth “Why do you have it?” yes you were pissed at him, not just because he was leaving you but because he had not told you a single thing before you saw the bag. Sure he wasn't trying to hide it, obviously, but he had been hiding his feelings at Sam's return so that was just as bad. You'd say everything to each other, literally everything. You had a kind of relationship with the older Winchester that most people would usually only dream about but now... it seemed to be over. Or at least this seemed to be the beginning of the end.

He looked up at you, his lips parting. He ended up shaking his head and clearing his throat he blinked and looked down for a moment. He didn't say a word though and you scoffed loudly, shaking your head. You looked at Sam and he gave you a sympathetic look upon seeing your own eyes glisten with unshed tears.

“Daddy?” Mary whispered and as soon as she took a step forward and closer to him you took hold of her hand and stopped her. Dean took notice and only clenched his fists, fighting his own feelings.

But he didn't say a word, not until-

“Dean?” it was Sam's voice, a hint of anger in it – especially at seeing your watery eyes and distressed look – but mostly guilt and sadness. Dean looked at his brother, giving him a half smile that showed how broken he really was.

“Sorry Sammy” he said in a rough voice “About everything.” he added, shrugging tiredly before his eyes went to Mary “I didn't mean for it to happen this way.” he whispered, still actually speaking to Sam.

“Dad?” Mary whispered, giving him a worried look and Dean sighed, running a hand down his face.

“I'm leaving, sweetheart.” he breathed out and you could hear how his voice sounded full of regret.

“And where are you going?” she asked in an innocent voice, holding onto your jeans.

“I- I don't know, little one.” he tried to offer her a smile, he didn't want her to realize how serious the situation really was “I haven't figured that out yet.”

“Can I- can I come with you?” she asked full of hope and you saw how Dean's brows furrowed in heartbreak. The mere way her little childlike voice was asking him the question broke your own heart, you couldn't even imagine what he'd feel. She loved him too much, telling her that she was probably never going to see him again would possibly break her. And for that you hated him at the moment.

“I'm sorry, princess.” he tried to give her a smile but it didn't even reach his eyes “You- you can't come with me.”

“Not even for a little while?” she whispered and you shut your eyes, turning your head to the side. The mere way she asked those questions broke your heart into a milion pieces. That was what you wanted to avoid all along, your daughter being hurt. And just as you thought that Sam telling her the truth would make her entire world crumble down it wasn't him that brought about all this pain. It was actually the man that you swore would rather give his own life than make the little girl he raised as his own tear up.

“I'm sorry, princess. But you- you can't. You have to stay with mommy and-” he glanced at Sam, his mouth going dry as his eyes stinging with unshed tears “daddy at home.” he spoke as softly as he could to the little girl.

“A-Alright.” she nodded her small head “But- but-” she looked up at you, at Sam and then again at him 釘ut you are going to come back soon, right? We- we have that trip to-

“Mary” you said softly yet in a motherly tone that made her trail off. She looked up at you with a small pout and an apologetic look before looking down.

“I- I don't know if I'll make it, sweetheart.” he said in a hoarse voice and you saw his eyes had begun getting red.

“And-” her voice was really low, almost like a squeak “And when are you coming back?” she asked and part of you really wanted to know the answer but the same part of you really feared to hear it.

“I- I-” his voice trembled as he forced his eyes away from Mary, only glancing at you for a second because the glare you had on seemed to be too much for him to handle.

He was forcing himself to be void, maybe he was already feeling numb from seeing the tears in both yours and Mary's eyes. He saw that even if you had a hard look on that you were hurting, you were just willing yourself to be angry at him instead of betrayed. Not that you could help it.

“I don't know princess.” he breathed out, his voice cracking in the end so he cleared his throat and only looked at Sam for a good few minutes. Sam who had a dissaproving look on his face that had a hint of anger in it.

“When you will be back?” she asked with a tilt of her head and clenched your jaw.

“Or if you will be back.” you growled and Dean let out a shaky breath.

“(Y/n)” he pleaded for you with his eyes, taking a step closer to you and you immediately backed away. His eyes widened and his lips fell apart but he swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded just slightly.

“No” you hissed, pursing your lips “No, you have made your decision and I can't change that, can I?” you shrugged “There is no (Y/n), now. And since you seem to want it- there is no Mary either.” you knew you would reget your words really bad really soon but at the moment you were furious. He was bailing on you, what else could you feel besides betrayed?

“What?” he breathed out, an almost angry but mostly scared look on his face.

“(Y/n)” Sam said in a calm but warning voice tone.

“(Y/n) what are you talking about?” Dean looked at you dangerously, his jaw clenching.

“Just what do you think?” you asked, taking a deep breath and raising an eyebrow. You wanted to look confident but your glossy eyes told a different story.

“You chose this, Dean Winchester. You did this- you've brought this to us.” you growled motioned between the four of you “You don't get to ask me why or how. It is all because of you. You want out? Fine then, fine! You can have your freedom. You can have whatever kind of life you want for whatever reason you want to, I don't give a single fu-” you bit down hard on your lip, shaking your head as you felt a new wave of tears rush to you.

“You want out? You'll have it.” you breathed out “But don't expect us to be here and waiting when you regret all of it. You can leave but once you step foot out of this house you will have no right to come back ever again.”

“(Y/n)-” he stared, his eyes widening in fear as, obviously and finally, realization started setting on him. He had not expected this, not even planned about this but that was what he was going to take in the end. He asked for it after all.

“No” you hissed “You chose this, now you have to deal with the consequences. If you want to leave then the door is right there for you. But forget me and above all forget Mary, you are not going to see her ever again.” you growled and you knew that probably part of you was going to regret this real bad but at the moment you were a mess of emotions. You were angry, pissed beyond belief and at the same time hurt and heartbroken that the man you loved more than you ever thought you would could do something like this to you.

“What?” his voice was firm, not a hoarse weak whisper as before and you could see him get slightly angry.

“Just what you heard.” you pursed your lips, cursing at yourself on the inside when a tear slipped from your eye and you wiped it away furiously “You are never going to see her again.

“You- you are going to keep me away from her?!” he almost roared and you took in a shaky breath.

“I'm not keeping you away, Dean. You are staying away. You wanted to leave? Well, just go ahead I am not going to stop you, I have a family to think about. A family in which you obviously don't belong.” you never thought there would come a day when you'd utter these words but you weren't just angry with him, you couldn't even feel anything actually. It was almost like there was a hole inside your chest.

“(Y/n)” Sam's voice was almost strict, as if he was trying to make you realize the mistake you were about to make. But you knew that even if it hurt Mary at first it would be less bad than what could possibly come in any other occasion.

“No Sam.” you pursed your lips “No, he chose this he'll have it.” your head snapped to Dean “You want to sacrifice what we feel- what you feel and what we have for her and Sam's happiness? Well there you go, here you have it Dean!” you growled as Dean looked at you almost in horror.

You took hold of Mary's hand, sniffling and clearing your throat that felt sore “Come on sweetheart, let's leave him to gather all of his things.”

“Wh-what?” Mary's voice was shaky and you forced yourself to keep the tears in “But- but daddy-”

“He's not your dad Mary.” you knew it was the harshest thing you could say, to both Dean and Mary but again you couldn't feel a single thing at the moment to think about that.

“But- but you said-” she blinked, looking from you to Dean and vice versa.

“(Y/n)” Dean's voice was hoarse “What are you saying?” he breathed out and when you looked at him you knew that you had never seen him that hurt or terrified.

“The truth, Dean.” you swallowed the lump in your throat “The truth.”

You sniffled and looked down at Mary “Come on, baby.” you mumbled, picking her up.

“Can I at least hug daddy before he leaves?” she asked hesitantly and although in any other occasion you would have broken from the tone of her voice this time you stilled yourself. She's always give him goodbye hugs before he went away for a few days. Sure it wasn't hunting exactly but- you could never really stay away from it when Jody needed help he couldn't say no, much less when she or any other hunter friend was in danger.

“No, Mary. No.” you breathed out, hugging her to yourself and she gave you a small shy nod before looking at Dean.

“Alright.” she said in a tiny voice before looking at Dean who only stood there with red eyes. She was ready to tell him something but before she had the chance to say something you were out of the room, not looking at any of the Winchester brothers.

“Sammy” Dean's voice for the first time really cracked as he looked helplessly at his little brother. He wasn't one to break, especially when others needed him to be strong for them – above all Sam and you – but at the moment he felt like he had just been stabbed and a cold feeling was spreading through his body. It was familiar, it was... death? No, he was alive but-why did he feel like it then?

“I- I'll talk to her Dean, she's just- she's angry, she'll get over this. She won't keep you away from Mary, she knows how much you love her and she knows how much you mean to her.” Sam said, he too aching at seeing his older brother like this. Maybe feeling guilty too.

“Yeah, right.” Dean only breathed out, voice raspy as he stared at the framed picture he had on his nightstand of the three of you, just a few months after Mary's birth. A tear rolled down his cheek and he didn't even have the strength to wipe it away because he knew he couldn't blame you, he was the one responsible. This time Dean had screwed up majorly and he knew it.

~*~

You held onto Mary for you didn't know how long. You were laying on the couch you had in her room with her on top of you fast asleep. You didn't know much time had passed, it seemed as both hours and only a few minutes at the same time. Dean's as well as your words kept running through your mind, along with every possible thing you could have said and done. You didn't usually fight so you had not gone through this many times but then again this was completely different from any other time. This was... the end?

You felt your heart drop to your stomach and yourself struggle to breath as you thought about that. You shut your eyes closed and tightened your hold on Mary just slightly. You had been looking over at her as she slowly fell asleep, almost every memory you had with her and Dean running through your mind.

You got up carefully, your eyes feeling dry as your mouth and throat. Were you still even feeling a thing? You carried her carefully to her bed, no wonder she had gotten tired and it was her time for a midday sleep. You felt her stirr in your hands and when you looked closely her yes opened slightly to reveal her green orbs. You hushed her softly, despite the smallw hine that left her lips. You pulled the blankets over her, kissing her forehead gently and tucking a few strands of hair out of her face. You whispered for aher to go back to sleep and with a small nod she closed her eyes again. You heard footstep behind you but you didn't have to turn to know who it was. Maybe you had come to tell them apart even by their walking.

“He left.” Sam's voice broke the silence and you closed your eyes for a moment.

You opened them and shook your head, letting out a humorless laugh “Of course he did.”

“(Y/n), what you told him about Mary- please tell me you didn't mean it.” he whispered and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“No, Sam. I meant every word I said. He chose this, he has to deal with the consequences.” you said sternly but still in a low voice to not wake up your daughter.

“You know that by forbidding him to see Mary he- he has to stay away from you as well.” he said taking a few steps closer to you.

“Exactly.” you said sternly.

“(Y/n) come on.” he breathed out “You won't really do this to him. Just think about him, think about Mary... think about yourself. You know you're going to hurt the most from this.”

“I know.” you pursed your lips, surprisingly not flinching away when he placed a hand on your shoulder “But he did this Sam. He did this to us and it wasn't just your arrival, we know it. Mary was already taking it well, but he bailed on me. There is nothing to talk about here and please-” you stood up, turning to face him “Don't bring it up ever again. Dean's dead to me, more than you were the past four years.” bumping shoulders with him you left Mary's room for fear of raising your voice and waking her up, because you were just on the verge of that.

Sam could only let out a sigh as he looked at the door before turning to his daughter that was sleeping soundly in her bed. He knelt down by her side and patted her head softly. He smiled as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head, his smile only growing as he heard her whisper the faint word “Dad”... only for a moment he wonder who she was really referingto.

~*~

“You know-” Sam started as he walked into the kitchen, seeing you only hold a cup of coffee sitting on a chair and staring at it “-you will break down at some point.”

“I've fought the devil himself and his aunt. I think I can take pretty much everything.” you gave him a tight fake smile and he shook his head, sitting right in front of you.

“Yeah but you haven't had a daughter then that needed her father.” he said softly and you looked at him dead serious in the eyes.

“Mary has her father. And he is standing right in front of me. There's nothing else she'll need.” you said firmly before taking a sip of your coffee. It was the only thing that was at hands reach.

“Although I am going to do my best to make up for the lost time and- and I am really happy to know she doesn't entirely hate me-”

“She loves you Sam, she already loves you very much.” you cut him off, saying in a low voice.

He smiled “I know, and I'm still trying to believe that myself but-” he cleared his throat “She needs Dean as well, (Y/n). She loves him too, maybe, and I hate to admit this, but more than me.” he gave you a mall smile “She needs him ,(Y/n). She needs him here.”

“Well too bad-” you gave him a hard look “Because he left her. He was a coward that didn't think things through and now he has to deal with that. And Mary- she'll slowly learn to love you more than him. She'll grow to love you as she already has more than any of us I know it.”

“And what about you (Y/n)?” Sam asked, without waiting a second and catching you off guard. He didn't seem mad, angry or anything. Only curious and worried about you and Mary, not what you'd expected when you had told him just the previous day that you were in a relationship with his brother. Were, yeah the correct sentence.

“What do you mean?” you raised an eyebrow but still tried to avoid eye-contact.

He didn't say a thing for a moment, only offered you a smile and tilted his head to the side “Don't you know?”

“No, Sam I don't. You're the one that brought it up.” you mumbled a little sharply, turning to place your mug on the sink.

“(Y/n)” you heard movement and before you could turn, felt a hand on your shoulder “You love him.” it wasn't a question, it was a statement. Something that Sam, your dead now alive boyfriend, realized about you and his own brother.

“So what?” your voice you wanted to sound angry but only came out as a weak whisper.

“(Y/n)” he let out a chuckle that was laced with pain “Don't lie to me, there is no point in that. I know you better than anyone, baby.” he whispered, resting his forehead on the back of your head “And I know this look better than anyone.” he whispered into your hair and you closed your eyes, fighting back the tears.

“You're already hurting.” he said in a low rough voice, nuzzling his face now in the crook of your neck “And it's killing me too.” he added in such a low voice you would have not heard if he wasn't so close.

“Well don't.” you took in a deep breath “I'm not hurting Sam. I'm just too worried about what can happen to Mary but-but I myself am not hurting. In fact... I can't feel a single damn thing, so you don't have to worry.” you gave him a tired shrug and Sam's hold on your waist tightened as he gave you a squeeze.

“That I can almost believe. But it's not because you really don't feel. It's because all of your emotions are a mess at the moment and you're so numb on the inside it almost feels like there is a hole in your chest. A hole that makes you feel almost cold and without him here, to hold you and... kiss you and love you that hole will get bigger.” he gave you a small squeeze and you kept your eyes shut to fight the tears. You could hear his voice cracking with every word he uttered.

“It will keep getting bigger, and you can't do anything to fight it back. Trust me... I've tried.” the sorrow and heartbreak that laced his voice made you, despite your best tries, let a tear roll down your eyes. You had been so selfish, thinking about Mary and Dean only, not realizing how Sam must have really had to go through so much. For a moment you thought how his eyes looked darker than the moment you first saw him when you opened the door and youstartedwondering how much sleep he actually got, if he got any whatsoever.

“Sam” your voice came out in a small whimper and you felt his take a deep breath.

“It's alright, I'm alright. I'm not mad or anything about it, I swear.” he breathed out “I just- I can't stand to watch you like this, (Y/n). For a moment I wished- I hoped that if I couldn't make you happy anymore that at least he would but- now watching this-”

“I'm alright Sam.” you cut him off, biting hard on your lower lip to keep yourself from sobbing. You couldn't even say a few words before feeling like you wanted to break down in his arms.

“No, no you're not.” he whispered, a small sad smile on his lips “And we both know it. But it's alright to admit it, (Y/n). It's alright to let it all out, you need to. If you keep it inside it will just eat you up and you can't let that happen. You have to bestrong for Mary, yes, but you have to be strong for yourself too. You owe it to you, (Y/n). I know that what he did- it hurt you. It hurt you beyond belief but-” he sighed bringing his arms higher and wrapping them around your shoulders, your hands instinctively being placed on his arms like you'd always do in the past. It was almost an instinct, it happened without your realizing it.

“But once you have to let it out now. Cry, scream, punch something, yell at me for coming back and ruining everything-” he breathed out a small laugh but you clenched your jaw and abruptly turned to face him.

“It's not your fault.” you said sternly “Do you hear me? It's not your fucking fault, don't you ever say it.”

He let out a small sigh, looking down as he took hold of your hands “Thank you, I'm- it's a relief to know you don't think that but-” he looked deep in your already slightly red eyes “-But you are fighting something you can't this time, baby.” he said tenderly and you bit hard on yoru lower lip.

“I need to Sam.” you choked on a sob “My daughter- she- she needs me.” you whimpered softly and squeezed your hands.

“Just let it out, baby.” he whispered “Don't keep it inside, you need to just let it out. Don't bottle it up, it will be so much worse. For you to be strong for Mary you need to let yourself feel the pain now. You will be stronger later and- and have a clear mind to think. There are a lot of decisions to make still.” he spoke in a soft voice, resting his chin on top of your head.

“Sam I- I told you I'm-”

“(Y/n) you are in love with him.” boy could you hear the struggle in his voice “And he left, it's completely ok to not be ok.”

“He-” you choked, closing your eyes “He didn't say a word, Sam. He didn't tell me a thing before-” you couldn't take it anymore as your body started shaking uncontrollably and sobs left your lips. Your knees almost gave away and you would have met the floor if it wasn't for Sam's firm grip on you. The tears started streaming down your face and you could feel the taste of blood in your mouth due to how hard you were biting on your lower trembling lip.

You clenched Sam's flannel in your fists, his familiar scent invading you as you buried your face in his chest. His shirt started getting wet with your tears but you couldn't even utter an apology as you practically crumbled in his arms. Your entire body was rocking with sobs and you felt a few tears on your shoulder but didn't have the strength to question him. Sam's arms wrapped around you, holding onto you as if he didn't want to let you go and you were holding onto him like you held onto dear life at the moment.

You felt like you had just been stabbed all over again, someone twisting the knife painfully in your chest. It wasn't just the cold feeling, it wasn't the emptiness it was just what Sam said. Alll kinds of emotions of abandonment washed over you, making you feel almost like the day you lost Sam. Dean wasn't dead, yeah, but that didnt make it any less hard. There was only one thing that you could think about, only one thing that you could utter.

“He left me, Sam. He left me.” you whispered with a broken sob, your breathing uneven.

You had been trying to be strong for longer than you could. You had fought the tears, especially with Mary in your arms. You had even tried to put a smile on your face even if it felt like curling into a ball and crying all the time. But this seemed to be your breaking point. You couldn't keep pretending to be strong, because you knew you weren't; not without Dean.

~*~

“But why can't I stay with mommy?” you heard your daughter's voice ask just a few feet away, but at least outside the living room to not see the state you were in. Your eyes were red and you only stared at the wall in front of you with a glass of whiskey in your hand.

“Sweetheart it's too late now, it's time for you to sleep.” Sam's voice was gentle and had such a fatherly hint in it it almost made you smile “And mommy's too tired to talk right now.”

“Is it- Is it about daddy Dean?” you heard her unsure voice and you shut your eyes, trying to hold back the tears at the mere mention of the name. How were you going to ever get over this really? Mary didn't begin to realize the gravity ofthe situation but you – even if a great part of you regretted it already – were willing to keep going with what you had first said.

“Sweetheart-” you heard Sam let a sad sigh “Don't stress yourself with this, yeah? It's- it's not your fault, either so don't think about it please. It's between mommy and daddy Dean, they have to solve this together.” you could only imagine how hard this must have been for Sam yet he was putting it all aside, betrayal or not he put Mary first and not his feelings “This is- it's adult stuff and you know what that is?” he got a playful tone “Booooring.” he dragged the word and not a second later you heard her let out a giggle.

“But- but they will make up right? They have fought before but- but daddy never shouts at mommy and this time he-” her small childlike voice was full of worry and you hated yourself for being partly the reason to that.

“They will be alright, princess don't worry yourself about that. You're far too young and can't understand. Adults tend to make things a little too complicated, that's all.”

“But- but she loves him, doesn't she?” Mary seemed to ask the most simple question to her, and in reality it was, but for you and even more Sam it was the hardest question to answer. He had come to accept it, not fully yet either, but to keep saying it out loud? That was not something he could keepdoing for long, no, you knew it. You knew you should get up and interrupt them, keep her from asking more but at the same time your body would not cooperate.

“Yes sweetheart.” you could hear his voice was strained but above all full of pain and you hated yourself more for that “Mommy loves daddy Dean. She loves him a lot.” you could hear how much he was hurting and without realizing it a tear slid down your cheek.

“So- so daddy will- he will be back again soon, right?” she asked in a low unsure voice.

“I don't know what to tell you for sure, anymore sweetheart but for now- we need to focus on mommy, ok? She- she's not alright, and not herself now. And she needs you, she'll need all your love and I know that maybe she can't see but I can so I will ask you one thing: can you be strong for her?”

“I can- I will daddy!” she was fast to exclaim, courage in her voice.

“I know you're a brave girl, pumpkin. You're a Winchester, we have it in us and you- you seem to have taken after both your mother and my own. Yes, I'll need you to be strong for mommy from now on. Smile at her and tell her how you feel as often as you can, can you do that?”

“Yes, yes I can.” there was seriousness in her voice you wouldn't expect from a child her age “I love mommy.”

“I know baby, I know.” the smile could be heard in his voice

“But- but can I not help her with something else?” your daughter asked hopefully.

“At this moment no princess but how about this: tomorrow morning we make sure to wake up really early and make mommy's favorite breakfast, yeah? It will definitely lift her spirits.”

“Yes yes!” she jumped up and down and you heard Sam chuckle “She makes cookies for me when I am sad too. Daddy Dean- he would bring me pie when I was sad too.” she added the last part in a low voice.

“I bet he did.” Sam's smile could be heard in his words “Tell you a secret: he'd bring me my favorite snacks when I wasn't feeling well when I was a kid too. He was always an amazing brother... and a father.” Sam ended up whispering and you smiled sadly to yourself. He cleared his throat “However, just keep in mind that for us to be able to get up early you have to also sleep early. Which means we need you to get to bed riiiiight now!” he said and you soon heard squeals.

“Daddy!” her giggles and laughter filled the entire house and maybe even if it seemed to weird on your lips you smiled honestly.

“What? I am just helping my little princess get to her chambers as she rightfully should. May I help you change and get ready your highness?” he asked and you heard Mary giggle.

“Yes daddy yes!” to say you were surprised to hear her let someone else put her to sleep besides Dean was beyond belief “Can you read me a bedtime story too?”

“Absolutely, my lady!” he said and you let out a soft chuckle without even realizing it.

You closed your eyes, hoping that now that you felt slightly at peace your headache would subdue even a little bit. Maybe the alcohol wouldn't help that much but you weren't willing to let it down at the moment.

“Daddy?” Mary asked in a low voice that you couldn't actually hear “Can I ask you something?”

“Absolutely, baby. What?” he kissed her cheek as she wrapped her tiny arms around him.

“Will- will you ask daddy Dean to come back?”

“Princess, I'll do my best to bring daddy back.” Sam breathed out, looking at her in the eyes and speaking honestly even if on the inside he felt all sorts of things he willed himself to focus on the ones that had to do with only his daughter's happiness “I can't be sure if- if he will want to or if your mommy will let him but- but I will do my best to bring him back.”

“Do you promise?” she stuck out her pinky and Sam had never smiled more widely in his life before.

“I promise.” he chuckled and did the same.

For a good few minutes you sat on the couch, eyes held open as you stared at your drink. You felt your throat burn and at the same time feel dry as your eyes stung with unshed tears- did you even have any more left? You could hear Sam and Mary upstairs and you occasionally did smile when you heard your daughter laugh. You didn't know what else Sam had told her but you didn't care, she was all you cared about and as long as she was happy then you were willing to keep going. Even if it meant that you were breaking apart minute by minute.

You felt the couch dip next to you but you didn't react. You only blinked when you felt a hand take the glass from you. You let a small whine, closing your eyes tiredly “Sam” you said in a hoarse voice, pleading with him.

“No more drinking.” he said softly and you sighed heavily “You've had enough.”

And he had not uttered another word before it all became a blur. You didn't know how many drinks you had, you were sure that at least half the bottle was gone, but you didn't know if it was enough for you to get drunk or not. What you were sure about at least was the fact that you didn't know what words were leaving your lips at the moment and that everything was based on pure instinct, on things that you felt.

It had been a long while since you last got drunk, the last one being when you discovered how you felt about the older Winchester and the truth was too much for you to take, so you didn't really know how to control yourself. You heard yourself say things to Sam and you heard him speak back. You felt him move and you felt yourself do even more, getting closer to him. You couldn't even comprehend what you were doing, it was both a need and longing for something you had missed but didn't know what it really was.

It all happened both too fast and too slow. You were in a haze, not understanding anything yourself, and only acted on your feelings; your body had a mind of its own and you didn't know what could be the reason that lead to all of this. You didn't even realize when it happened but you knew that the result was one and not changing:

Your body was flushed to Sam's, you were cupping his face and your lips had just collided with his.

~~~

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