#to decide that what you like is fine but what other people like is unacceptably abhorrent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has 16.74 million mobile monthly users in the US.

#to decide that what you like is fine but what other people like is unacceptably abhorrent

missmonsters2 · 1 year

Note

🥶

WandaNat

Pairing: WandaNat x Fem!Reader

Warnings: awkward!reader. clint slander. WandaNat no mercy.

Note: i miss them

Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3

Count: 999 (🧍‍♀️)

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

This was your worst nightmare—trapped between the bodies of two incredibly hot, kind, and funny women.

And no, it wasn't in the sexy way—your brain refused to even let you go down that route. You'd implode at even the slightest thought of it.

This was Clint's fault, you quietly seethed, plotting his gruesome murder that could later be turned into a true crime podcast. Laura will have to be a widowed single mother, and the children will have to grow up fatherless, but surely it was for the best.

"Come down to visit us!" Clint said to you, your mind mimicking his voice unflatteringly. "It's been way too long since you guys came to stay with us."

It was a normal occurrence; you thought nothing of it. You, Wanda, and Natasha often went to stay with Clint and his family quarterly. Natasha visited more with her girlfriend, Wanda, and they invited you every time, but you settled that four times a year was enough.

It was usually fun, and the time spent was enjoyable, so you really had thought nothing about it.

Until Clint decided he was actually the incarnate of the devil and condemned you for some undisclosed sin.

"Oh, you three are cool sharing a room, right? The other spare bedroom is under renovation. I mean, one of you can take the couch but I highly don't recommend it with what the kids have spilled on it over the years."

No, it wasn't okay, you wanted to say at the time, but Wanda and Natasha nonchalantly waved Clint off and told him it was fine, and the conversation breezed on, never to be returned to again.

Why would he invite all three of you if there wasn't enough space!? You tried to tell Wanda and Natasha that you could drive to the nearest hotel at night, but they looked at you strangely and asked if you hated them. It was jokingly, but you could hear a tinge of hurt in their voice, which silenced you from offering to leave again.

But now you were suffering.

The bed was way too small for three people but left enough room for just a couple of inches to keep you from coming into skin-to-skin contact with either redhead.

You stared at the ceiling, despite being unable to make out any details of the room in the darkness.

Why the fuck were you in the middle?

You should've been on the edge. At least then, you could hang half your body off it to keep some distance.

You started at the edge of the bed—make no mistake. But then Natasha came to your side and asked you to scootch over. You assumed she preferred sleeping on the right side, so you started to make your way down to the other side. But then, to your horror, Wanda climbed in from the other end, effectively trapping you in the middle.

The words were caught in your throat as you tried to force them out and ask if you could have the edge, but Natasha and Wanda mumbled their goodnights before promptly falling asleep.

This was unacceptable; you mentally cried. This was—weird. You know that Wanda and Natasha have been together for ages, and they probably didn't care, but it was strange to be in the middle of them like this. You're way too awkward for this.

It brought up the unwanted feelings you've been trying to get rid of for months.

The worst part was that it was winter, and this room was so fucking cold. Was Clint going through financial hardship? Why isn't there any heat in this room?

You wished him ill, you wished him ill, you wished bad things upon Clint Barton.

You shifted, trying to pull the blanket up higher and shrink yourself to retain some of the heat. You turned on your side, facing Wanda's back, and frowned. You could practically feel the heat radiating off her and wanted to scoot away from her. But you couldn't. You'd scoot right into Natasha, who was also radiating heat as she faced your back.

At this moment, you hated them for being so unaware of their temptations.

You swallowed. Moving a little closer to Wanda wouldn't be too bad, right? Just to steal a bit more of her warmth, so you could fall asleep and wake up early to get out of bed.

You scooted a little closer, your nose just inches away from her back since there wasn't much wiggle room. Her heat emitted off her like a goddamn fireplace, and you sighed a little at the warmth on your nose and the parts of your cheeks.

It was still pretty cold, and you shivered a little.

Your movement seemed to wake Wanda as she lifted her head to look around at you. You looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Turning back, Wanda lay her head back down and shut her eyes with a yawn.

You started to scoot back to where you were, but Wanda grabbed your wrist from under the blanket and pulled it over her waist as she shuffled back into you.

The warmth pressed against your front jolted you, and you were stiff, despite how good it felt.

"любимая, she's cold," Wanda mumbled in the dark as she threaded her fingers through yours.

Wanda was clearly speaking to Natasha because the redhead behind you shifted and moved closer until she was pressed against your back snuggly. Her arms wrapped around your midsection as she tangled her legs through yours.

You wanted to die.

You wanted to kill Clint Barton and then run into oncoming traffic.

"Um," you croaked.

"Is this better?" Natasha mumbled sleepily, and she was so close you felt her lips move against your shoulder.

No.

Yes.

No.

"Uh," you dragged out before finally deciding with an awkward stiff, "Yes."

It was warm—almost too warm now. You closed your eyes with a silent groan.

You weren't getting any sleep tonight.

#wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wandanat x reader #wanda maximoff x you #natasha romanoff x you #wandanat x you #wanda maximoff imagine #natasha romanoff imagine #wandanat imagine #wanda maximoff fluff #natasha romanoff fluff #mm: my fics #mm.drabble.wandanat

2K notes · View notes

a-not-so-clean-blog · 2 months

Text

Nu carnival dealing with a transphobic family friend/ customer (ftm reader)

Warnings: transphobia. Spicy♦️ for Morvay.

Scene:

Your boyfriend decides to visit you at your job because he misses you and doesn't get to see you enough. Just a little visit to see how you're doing. He comes in and takes a seat in the corner of the cafe to wait for you to come over when you get a free minute. What he didn't expect to see was what looked like a family friend to be harassing you and actively misgendering you. Not to mention the invasive questions she has the gall to ask you…

Yakumo

Do you not hear the awful things this person is calling you? Girl? She? WIFE!? No no no, why aren't you correcting her? No sooner does the question run through his mind does he notice the tired and worn down look on your face. Like you've been through this a thousand times before and you're just waiting for it to be over again.

Anxiety be damned, he approaches the table as confidently as he could. Back straight but his fingers were laced together.

“Excuse me, you're making him uncomfortable.” His voice was quiet yet firm.

“Oh sweetie, no it's fine I know her mother.” She tried to wave him off, totally dismissing his presence.

“You're being rude. You should apologize to him.” They go back and forth like this for a minute before he gets really upset. So he turns his back to her and faces you directly. “I love you so much and you deserve so much better. When you're done working I'm going to make your favorite meal and we will cuddle until you feel better, okay?” His words are soft and caring. You know he wants nothing more than to take you out of this situation but knows he can't make a scene at your job.

When you get home he will do everything he can to remind you how masculine and perfect you are to him. He feels regret and wishes he could have done more in the moment, but also didn't want to get you in trouble at work or with your family.

Edmond

It takes him a moment to figure out what he's going to say. He is still cautious about having people know he is in a relationship with you, just for security reasons. So he can't just say “stop calling my boyfriend a girl.”. Ultimately he marches up to the table, stares the woman down, and in no uncertain terms tells her that her behavior is unacceptable.

“He has corrected you twice and you are actively disrespecting him by ignoring his claims.”

“If someone as bigoted as you frequents this establishment I can't imagine how much longer this shop will last.” As if on cue your manager rushes out to see what the fuss is about. Having an incident with the leader of the guards would be terrible for the cafe's reputation. After Edmond explained what happened your manager sided with him and basically gave her an ultimatum.

“Respect my employees or get out.”

She tried for a minute to get other patrons of the store to side with her but anybody who looked at the situation and saw Edmund standing there with his arms crossed knew better than to get involved. Unfortunately, instead of apologizing she simply left the store muttering curse words under her breath.

Olivine

He is probably the most polite of everyone here. He will ask the table if he can sit with them (of course they say yes because who's going to say no to Father Olivine). His heart breaks when he hears her nonsense tangent about “The great God of Klein made such a beautiful girl but she's wasting it by dressing like a man.”

It's so satisfying watching Olivine preach about how the God of Klein values individuals and makes their hearts perfect. “If his heart is a man's, then who are we to deny the great God of Klein’s judgment?” Everything she says to justify her transphobia he politely and lovingly shuts her down. “Those kinds of ideas are corrupting. Please, I think you should visit the temple and reflect on your own judgments.”

It's amazing watching her excuses be chipped away by someone who genuinely wants the best for people.

Quincy

He probably won't be quick to swoop in and “save you”. Honestly, he just wanted to hang out in your cafe while you worked. But now his day is ruined because somebody is upsetting his boyfriend, and clearly not respecting you no matter how many times you tried correcting them.

He quietly walks up behind you, his large frame casting a shadow over both you and the woman.

“See. That's what a real man looks like. Sweetie you could never compare so stop pretending.” The sickly sweet tone in her voice, the false compassion and pity left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He puts his hand on your shoulder and squeezes harder than intended. “This is what a real man looks like.” His voice was colder than any tone he's ever used around you before. You could feel the chill in your veins despite not being on the receiving end. You could see she was feeling the same effect you were, but much worse.

She stuttered as she tried to defend her transphobic views. Quincy stayed eerily silent until she was done spewing her bull shit. She took his silence as acceptance and by the end of her justification she gained a shit eating grin.

“If I ever hear you say that nonsense again I'm going to feed you to the bears in the wood territory.” Her face went pale as she realized he was not joking. Slowly she nodded her head, not wanting to make any sudden movements. Topper squeaked angrily at her and without another word Quincy returned to his seat. You could feel the warmth of his hand lingering on your shoulder even after he walked away, and the woman kept sneaking glances at him throughout her visit just to make sure he hadn't gotten up to do anything.

You know he didn't mean that threat seriously…right?

Kuya

He spent the better part of an hour watching you work before this family friend came in, just enjoying people watching and keeping an eye on you. That was until this family ‘friend’ came and started talking to you. Sitting just far enough away to make it difficult to hear what she was saying. Difficult, but he could still hear the pointed ‘she’s and ’her’s she spat. He didn't really care at first, not until he noticed you getting visibly uncomfortable. Normally he takes great pleasure in watching you squirm but this was different. This made him fume in a way he didn't know he could feel. Now isn't the time to think of his own feelings though, now was the time to make them stop.

He called you away from her table and asked you to make him something really quick. Probably something simple like a sandwich, but something that'll take you just enough time to get back so he can work. The moment you are out of the main dining area and in the kitchen he gets up and gingerly sits across the table from the surprised woman.

“I have something I think you should know~” He said in his normal sing-songy voice, curling his finger so she'll lean over the table for him. Slowly and clearly he whispers something in her ear, making sure she understood every word before leaning back in his seat to marvel at the appalled and horrified look on her face.

By the time you came back only a minute later she was gone and Kuya was back lazing in his seat, a sly smile on his face.

Blade

Sweet boy doesn't understand what the person is saying is malicious. It just turns into a back and forth of “darling is a boy” and “no she's a girl.” with both sides escalating until your manager skurries over to make them stop. When she stands up aggressively Blade almost goes into full protection mode.

You and your manager shift your focus from her to him. Blade doesn't stand down until you are holding him back and your manager kicking her out of the store.

When he comes back to his senses all he sees is you hugging him and he is happy as a clam. He doesn't even realize he almost went on a murder spree. Your manager is very tired and lets you go home early with Blade, just so he doesn't have to worry about Blade making another scene.

Garu

He hears everything that she's saying to you. Every nasty use of the wrong pronouns just made his fur prickle. His first instinct is to approach and get between you two but you've scolded him before about getting in the way of your job. His ears are pinned back against his head as he stares at the two of you.

He was patient enough to wait for you to be done taking her order. As soon as you leave her table he calls you over. “Are you okay? Why didn't you say anything? Do you need help?” His bombardment of questions hit you like a flood. His eyes were wide as he stared at you, practically staring into your soul. As you two were standing so close he could clearly smell the anxiety wafting off of you. He wanted to get rid of that smell, wanted the woman who caused it to go away, he just wanted to see you smile.

“It's okay Garu. She'll leave soon and I'll be fine.” You gave him a soft smile. His kindness always tugged at your heart.

“But she's upsetting my boyfriend!” He raised his voice a little as he was getting upset again. Not to the point of yelling but definitely to the point where she could hear you. It wasn't intentional but her face went red anyway. You gave him a quick kiss before thanking him and returning to your work.

She didn't bother you the rest of the time.

Karu

If you don't try to correct her misgendering you he will be confused but can wait to ask you about it later. However when you correct her and she blatantly starts calling you a girl more. He's on his feet ready to bite at a moment's notice.

“Shut up you hag. He told you he's a boy so now you're just being dumb!”

“Who are you calling dumb you little freak!?”

It does not take long for a full fledged brawl to break out between the two of them. You grab Karu by the arms and try your best to pull them off while other onlookers jump in and try to pull the woman away. Once the two are separated profanities are the only thing you can hear being screamed across the room. Both of them are kicked out of the cafe but she needs stitches and Karu successfully “defended your honor” so at least he's satisfied. You are put on clean up duty for the mess your boyfriend made, but secretly it did make you happy knowing just how far he'll go to make you feel seen.

Dante

Her face lit up when she saw Dante staring at you. Dante, the perfect specimen of a man. Smart, strong, handsome, and most importantly powerful. “Oh! Sun lord, don't you think she would make such a good wife!” She points at you, you are clearly upset and uncomfortable and it makes his blood boil.

“Absolutely not.” Her expression immediately fell at his words but she gained a wicked smile when she thought of a response.

“Oh dear, it's because she's so masculine. I keep telling her it's really unattractive and she won't ever find a good-” Dante's hot glare was enough to shut her up for a moment. The way he straightened his back and lifted his chin just to further look down on her gave you goosebumps.

“Let me be clear on one thing. He would make an awful wife, but is an exceptional boyfriend.” The woman was immediately shot down and put in her place. You're relatives that were sitting at the table awkwardly look away like they don't know anyone in this building. It's hard to tell what felt better, the butterflies in your stomach or the sweet taste of justice.

Rei

It's very simple actually. The solution to this problem is to buy a cup of coffee, go over to the table, and dump the hot coffee on the a-hole who insisted on misgendering you.

“Oops I didn't see you there. I must be as blind as you are.” And the entire time he maintained eye contact with her just daring her to say something. She, of course, starts screaming and throwing a tantrum. A string of “how dare you!” and “don't you know who I am!” came out with her shrill screeching.

He just shrugged and replied “I don't care who you are but anyone who disrespects my boyfriend like that means nothing to me. Frankly you're worse than scum and should be disgusted with yourself, but I know your type has no self awareness anyway.”

Eiden

He knows her type, he's dealt with them plenty of times in his world. He hates how she is talking about you, misgendering you and acting like you aren't even there. He's getting mad but he knows better than to make a scene in front of your family. So the next best thing to do is correct her.

He walks up beside you and puts an arm over your shoulder casually. “Oh? There's a pretty girl around here, where?”

She rolls her eyes when she looks at him. “You're leaning on her.”

Eiden looks to you then back to her, his eyes wide in fake bewilderment. “Ma'am are you feeling well? This is my boyfriend. He's very handsome, but pretty is not a word I would use to describe him.”

“Well she was born a girl so she's a girl.”

“Ah, so that explains why you're such a big baby!”

It's hard to hold back your laughter as her face turned bright red. For every other stupid transphobic comment she tried to make Eiden had a witty comment ready to shut her up.

“Well, gender is what's in her pants.”

“I was in his pants last night, so I guess I'm his gender.” Now your face went bright red as you lightly punched him in the arm which only made him laugh. His laugh was contagious, and the look on her face was satisfying.

Even the red hot glare she shot at you after a bit of your laugh slipped out didn't bother you anymore because Eiden was waiting to make her look a fool if she even tried to say something else about you.

Aster

He's not normally one to make a big scene so he doesn't move to confront her until after you've gone back to the kitchen to place her tables order.

“Hi, I couldn't help but notice your super cute top! That’s a Devilicious brand shirt right?”

Her face brightened when someone recognized her expensive brand of clothes. “Yes it is! I shop there all the time.” She bragged.

“What shop do you go to?”

“The one in water territory is my favorite, it has the best shirts but not as many shoes.”

“Hmmm good to know. I'm their supplier so I'm going to have them ban you from the store. I don't need bigots tarnishing my brand's name.” The way her face fell from pompous to petrified made Asters chest fill with pride. She scrambled to try and defend herself.

“What do you mean bigot?! I'm a good person.”

“Weren't you just calling that man a girl? He even corrected you.”

“No, no, you don't understand. I know her family and she is a girl.” When you came out you could see the sweat on her brow.

“Well he's my boyfriend and I don't care what his family lets you get away with calling him. Enjoy getting your Devilicious second hand.” He laughed as he walked past you and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you at home treasure.” And he was gone, leaving her in her booth on the verge of a crisis.

“What did I miss?”

Morvay

Oh he can feel his blood boiling every time she insults you like that. Not to mention nobody else at the table is even trying to defend you! Unacceptable.

He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, and buries his face into your neck. He's practically spooning you while standing up. “Mmmm when is my husband going to give me the attention I need?” he whines into your ear.

“Babe I'm done in an hour, please be patient.” Embarrassed, you try to wiggle out of his grasp but he doesn't budge. Instead he nudges his head deeper into your neck. You almost squeak when his lips brush against your soft spot.

“But I don't want to wait that long to suck your dick!” He loudly whines so the whole restaurant can hear. The sound that followed was defining. You firmly ushered him back to his table, begging him to behave until you aren't in public. He sighs wistfully but agrees.

His plan worked though. Anytime the jerk tried to misgender you the entire store of eavesdroppers gave her a collective confused look and she was socially forced to correct herself. No matter what she would try to say people are going to believe Morvays very personal claim over hers.

#Nu carnival Yakumo #nu carnival Edmond #nu carnival olivine #nu carnival Quincy #nu carnival Kuya #nu carnival Garu #nu carnival Dante #nu carnival Rei #nu carnival Aster #nu carnival Morvay #nu carnival Eiden #nu carnival x reader #nu carnival #tw transphobia #a degenerate writes #this is almost 3k words! im am proud but my brain hurts #♦️#x ftm reader #x ftm

66 notes · View notes

textfromthelookout · 1 year

Note

if you have the time, I wanna know what makes vegeta so compelling to you, whole ass character arc stuff and what not. I wanna hear you go off on your short king.

Anon do you understand what you’ve unleashed? I don’t think you understand what you’ve unleashed. Or if you do understand, I can almost guarantee you aren’t prepared. This is almost 3000 words of me frothing at the mouth. I hope you know you asked for this. Like the reason I was so late answering was because I wanted to do it justice and could not figure out what I wanted to yell about first.

I guess to understand why Vegeta’s development is so fucking staggering to me, you have to understand who he starts as when you meet him.

Vegeta is around 4 or 5 when Freeza destroys Vegetasei. He’s roughly 30 when he comes to Earth for immortality. In between are two and a half decades of being taken from, which he suffers only because he believes wholeheartedly that he will grow strong enough to kill Freeza and take it all back from him. He lands on Earth with little to his name beyond his pride in who and what he is, and power that, while paltry compared to Freeza and the people in his inner circle, surpassed and still surpasses every member of his race.

Right?

One of the biggest things about Vegeta in Z is that there is A Way Things Are Supposed To Go and when they go any other way, he cannot let it go. Losing to anybody other than the people he has known for years can kill him is unacceptable. Even more so if it’s to another Saiyan. Even more so when this Saiyan is such a disgrace to the blood in his veins. The loss is an impossibility and has to be rectified. Vegeta limps off of Earth with two big driving forces now: kill Freeza for vengeance, kill Kakarot to mend his pride (or at least beat him so far into the ground that his superiority is unquestionable).

Namek is where Vegeta gets really interesting. He’s fresh off a stinging defeat that put a couple cracks into his sense of certainty and self. He knows a way to get what he wants (the Dragon Balls on Namek). He’s in a race against the powers that be for it. He has something of an ace in the hole in that he worked out how to sense ki while he was flying half dead through space, so he’s no longer forced to rely on a scouter—on Freeza’s technology. He intends to make a clean break, and for a while it goes according to plan. Zarbon’s a stumbling block, but he makes it work in his favor, takes all the Dragon Balls Freeza collected and escapes with his life to boot.

And then another repeating theme surrounding Vegeta in Z comes into play. He’ll be a hairsbreadth from getting everything he wants before it all comes crashing down around him, largely due to things entirely outside his control. He couldn’t have used the Dragon Balls even if he had decided to press Gohan on what he was doing in the middle of nowhere with a ‘watch’, because he doesn’t have a password. The Ginyu Force thrashes him, Goku shows up stronger than ever. It’s fine though, because now he knows how to get the Dragon Balls to work, so he’ll never suffer defeat again—it’s a moot point.

…Right?

I think that the point in the story where Vegeta well and truly starts to come unraveled as a person is pretty immediately after Porunga dies and Freeza starts cycling through his transformations. Because like, rudimentary or no, Vegeta’s ki-sensing ability still works. He’s suddenly faced with irrefutable proof, that he can feel in the entire essence of his being, that his power is nothing to Freeza. And he lies to himself, because he can’t accept that he’s outclassed by the magnitude he is. Because this isn’t The Way Things Are Supposed To Go. He’s supposed to avenge his people and embody the legend. He refuses to bend, and so, he breaks.

And it’s sad, y’know? The way he just… stops fighting. For his whole life, he sweats and bleeds and swallows his bruised pride for the sake of survival and hope and what does it get him? I think all the goddamn time about the anime’s interpretation of this, where Vegeta being broken for Piccolo/Gohan/Krillin to witness up close is a deliberate choice on Freeza’s part*. In fact, I may never stop thinking about it. It’s not enough that Vegeta loses his will to fight, he has to know that others know that he gave up, that he can’t do anything against this monster even if he hadn’t. It’s a stunningly cruel blow precisely because he’s so proud and strong.

The man who dies on Namek crying at the feet of both of his bitterest enemies, begging one of them to kill the other for the sake of their race—who in that final moment lets his helpless frustration, his grief, his pride in his people supersede his own personal pride as warrior and prince—is not the same man who fought Goku on Earth. That man is in pieces, and Vegeta will spend every moment for years afterward trying to put him back together with saltwater and desperation. We meme on how death means basically nothing in Dragon Ball, but I go nuts thinking about how, intentionally or not, Toriyama managed to twist that to work with Vegeta’s development.

Because now Vegeta has to reckon with his many abject failures for longer than the few minutes before sweet oblivion, you see. Now it all matters again. As long as he’s alive, he’s still being taken from.

(Bulma’s one of the few—if not the only—person to simply give him something without coercion, or prompting, or obligation. Certainly the first we see. She had every reason to tell him to fuck off, really. She didn’t have to offer him a place to stay.)

Vegeta has a transitive hierarchical logic on strength, which comes up again towards the end of Cell that I’ll touch on when we get there, but for now it will suffice to say that in order to keep moving forward, he has to readjust his purpose in life to focus solely on beating Goku. If he beats Goku, then he beats Freeza, since Goku beat Freeza. Step one, obviously, is attaining Super Saiyan. And he’s so fucking committed to that that he unwittingly locks himself out of it, up until he leaves partway through the three year gap before the androids.

I could write another entire essay on how Super Saiyan can be read as a trauma response and how it differs between all the Saiyans in Cell saga (and especially about Goku on Namek), but this is surely already more than you bargained for when you opened this can of worms, so, Vegeta. When I think of Vegeta’s awakening to Super Saiyan, I tend to default to the original dub’s take (ep129), because it has lived in my head rent free since I saw it and it will not give me peace.

Take this part of my rambling with a grain of salt, I know I’m about to get a little ‘it’s not that deep’ about it, but. Here’s my interpretation of this. Vegeta only attains Super Saiyan once he has done away with distractions—not entirely because now he can focus on nothing but his training, but because he’s inadvertently given himself space to even begin to process all the shit from the last 25 years of his life, even if he fights it every step of the way as weakness. All the self-hatred, yes, but also the aforementioned frustration, the grief, the anger. The helplessness. ‘I didn’t care if I lived. I didn’t care about anything.’

Ultimately the trigger to Super Saiyan is a single moment of all-consuming emotion, so whichever thread of canon you personally subscribe to, the facts are that something happened in Vegeta out there in the middle of nowhere space. And he returns to Earth riding high. I’m not gonna lie, he’s rocking some seriously manic energy when he shows up to waste Android 19, and honestly why wouldn’t he be? He’s latched onto this new power and he doesn’t have to feel anything else. Things are finally going right. He’s invincible. He’s the king again. This is The Way Things Are Supposed To Go.

…

…right?

Super Saiyan is supposed to be a solution for Vegeta, and instead it eventually turns itself into a problem during Cell and the androids. To be fair, he can’t misestimate the strength of an opponent he can’t sense in the first place, but even so, he’s so blinded by the euphoria of succeeding for once in his goddamn life that he can’t imagine that anything can be stronger than him. Androids 17 and 18 are a rude fucking awakening. They are the ultimate pulling-the-rug-out-from-under-you vibe check. All those pieces that he struggled so hard to put back together, kicked apart again without thought or effort. He has a bit of a crisis over it, understandably.

In the interest of brevity, I’m glossing over the intermediary parts between Vegeta coming out of the time chamber (wish we had more info on what transpired in there, personally) and the tail end of the Cell saga, because it’s something of a repeat of what he did with Freeza, except he’s using Goku’s ‘let Freeza power up to 100% to hammer home his superiority’ logic. I made a previous post on my main blog about the post-Cell part of Vegeta’s character arc, which I’ll copy down here with some minor revisions:

The hell of Vegeta swearing to never fight again is that he actually follows through, at least in the beginning.

There are seven years between Cell and Buu. In every version of the media I’ve gone through—English manga, uncut dub, uncut JP, Kai dub—Bulma says that Vegeta has trained the last five years before the tournament. Which can only mean that there was a two year gap right after the Cell Games where he didn’t train at all.

And like. Can you really blame him. His purpose in life has been cut out from under him not once but twice, first by Goku attaining Super Saiyan and avenging their people by killing Freeza, and then by Goku’s decision to stay dead and deny him the opportunity to surpass him. His strength has proven insufficient time and again no matter how hard he works, overshadowed by that of a boy half his age, who doesn’t even like to fight. His pride hinges on both of those things and even before that was mercilessly trampled on. He has no people. No planet. No purpose, power, or pride.

I really do think the only things keeping him going by this point are inertia and spite. Almost without doubt, this is the absolute nadir of Vegeta’s existence: at least, the nadir for the man he thinks he has to be, or can’t reconcile not being. If he has nothing, if the last things tethering him to his supposed innate nature (to borrow a line from this fic, shameless plug,) are torn away from him, what is left for him to do but accept defeat and submit to change?

What he doesn’t know yet is that that’s okay. He doesn’t know yet, but the seven years that Goku is no longer a presence in his life is perhaps the best thing Goku could have possibly given him. Without Goku physically there to be actionable on (for lack of a better phrase), new things can grow in the spaces where his animosity and aggression burned holes in him. Even if Vegeta is still nursing the embers of that blaze and ignoring the encroaching growth as hard as he can, he is still beginning to care about things that the old him wouldn’t. (coming back to Vegeta’s logic on strength: to Vegeta, Gohan’s victory over Cell is also Goku’s victory, and Trunks’ loss is his own loss. Bulma mentions to Gohan that he’s dead set on making Trunks stronger than him, and why would Vegeta care about that goal specifically unless Trunks’ victory over Gohan is also Vegeta’s victory over Goku?)

And then.

And then all of a sudden, Goku is back in the picture. And when he comes back, so does the Vegeta from before, like a relapse.

Because as much growing as does, he still has seven years to gnaw on the same question he has been for ages now. Why is Goku so much stronger than he is, being what he is? Why is he so inadequate? There is now a window, fleeting as it may be, for Vegeta to get some answers he had no reason to assume he’d ever get. There is now the terrible possibility that he can make things go The Way They Are Supposed To Go. And Goku’s willing to let him take that shot and get those answers, right up until the whole business surrounding Buu disrupts everything and then he isn’t anymore.

Because the thing is, they were scheduled to fight each other before anybody else. Vegeta was not supposed to see the gap between himself and Goku until he was experiencing it firsthand. Picture for a minute the timeline in which the tournament plays out normally. Goku and Vegeta fight, Goku wins, and then Vegeta’s only recourse is to demand answers from Goku—who would surely give them, to the best of his ability!—or to come to his own conclusions and act from there. Either he makes peace with affairs, uneasy as it may be, or he blows up immediately, and Goku is there to stop him before he gets too out of hand. Instead, what happens is that he’s given the opportunity to realize that he’s still inferior, he still doesn’t understand why, and most importantly, that there’s a third option open to him. At the cost of his will, there is a way.

Submitting to Babidi to force Goku’s hand and close the gap is the act of a man who knows that he is running out of time. Whatever pride Vegeta still has would not possibly have allowed this unless he was so desperate for closure that he couldn’t see another way. For ten years he’s been trying to rebuild a sandcastle below the high tide line, and it’s not that he’s too stupid to move farther up so he isn’t freshly shattered at every pass—it’s just that trying to power through in the face of futility is literally all that he knows to do. He has been coming apart stitch by stitch ever since he met Goku, his worldview and his preconceptions of destiny and self dissolving in slow motion under his feet. Goku will only be here for a day. This is the last chance he has, and he knows it. He knows he’s not going to see Goku in the afterlife, even before he asks Piccolo.

What the fuck else was he supposed to do?

The music in the background of this scene is ‘Trapped Between Past and Present’ and if that doesn’t sum up the backbone of Vegeta’s arc in Z, then there’s nothing that does.

The beauty of his sacrifice is that he still has the mark of evil on his forehead when he dies, even though he’s bucked Babidi’s mind control by that point. He chooses the present. He chooses to symbolically and very literally raze his old self to the ground for the sake of all that his new self cares for. That is why the impermanence of death in Dragon Ball works for him. That’s why I go insane over the Majin arc specifically. New growth roots in ashes, phoenixes and sapling trees both.

Super (and end of Z) is where you get to luxuriate in that growth and watch it pay off, and oh my god does it ever pay off. Without going deep into spoiler territory (formally begging all of you to read the manga here), the later arcs begin to address Vegeta reckoning with his personal sins against the Namekians, and those of his race, who destroyed countless worlds under Freeza. Vegeta and Beerus have a conversation in chapter 69 of Super where things I’ve described in this here essay are worded explicitly into the canon. I think of it to this day. I think of all of the things Vegeta does in Super and I think it’s incredible just how far he’s come.

Before creation comes destruction.

Alright that’s enough pretentious meta. Here’s Vegeta being very happy about a well-earned victory. Isn’t he so fuckin’ cute.

*ep85, or 41 if you prefer Kai

#vegeta #dbz #dragon ball z #dragonball z #wanna hear me talk about dragonball characters? WANNA HEAR ME TALK ABOUT EM SOME MORE?#drop an ask or smth bc boy have I got things to say about Things.#i swear to god i didn't send this ask to myself #basia and breezee if it was one of you you better fess up right now #long post #text from the mod

331 notes · View notes

bea-l-zebul · 11 months

Text

Wanna know what really grinds my gears?

When I, a physically disabled woman, talk about the intersections of being both disabled and a woman, and other, able bodied women decide that it’s perfectly fucking fine to shut me down.

I have MS if you didn’t know. Recently studies have come out about scientists wanting to explore certain hormones in pregnancy and why they cause (some) women with MS to go into remission.

All of these people were talking about a potential “breakthrough”, and while that is a possibility, I live in a country that just took away reproductive rights from women.

So forgive me if I’m not ecstatic about scientists yet-a-fucking-gain talking about using pregnancy to treat a condition that’s more common in woman.

Forgive me for pointing out the downsides.

Like seriously, someone in Australia had the fucking gall to tell me to “stop freaking out about it because you don’t live in Nazi Germany, yet”

Really Becky, cause from what I can tell the USA is one fascist dictator getting into office away from turning into the reincarnation of it. And since you used “yet” you seem to recognize that, but don’t want to acknowledge that a positive for you is a negative for other fucking women in the same situation.

I don’t want my insurance company to turn around and refuse to cover my Ocrevus because they decided that me getting knocked up is the cheaper option than covering the meds that cost approx. 69k dollars out of pocket.

I don’t want to be forced to become a handmaiden to replenish ACB’s “domestic supply of infants”

I want to be child free, and I want it to become unacceptable for any scientist or doctor to recommend fucking pregnancy as a treatment,

…but, ya know, I’m just crazy for pointing out the potential negatives should the recommendations from further studies be “get knocked up, it’s the only way” when a lot of women don’t even have a right to bodily autonomy anymore.

#tw ableism #medical sexism #MS #multiple sclerosis #intersectional feminism #feminist #feminism #disability #disabled #cripple punk #cpunk #pregnancy is not an acceptable treatment #feminists start listening to disabled women instead of telling them to shut up challenge

177 notes · View notes

wazzappp · 3 days

Text

ALRIGHT WE BALL. Time to get on with the story (i have a story planned thats. a real shocker. im ass at writing but ill get this drawn damnit I promise)

This argument is one that just needed to happen. Robbie cant think of the infected he's been killing as people because that would mean he has killed a truly UNCOUNTABLE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE. Lisa has done what she has to in order to survive, and that includes killing the un-infected (which, of course, to Robbie is totally unacceptable). So when he's trying to explain the difference it just comes across JUDGY AS HELL. They're both proud and defensive and bad communicators and the conversation goes BADLY.

This happens while they're on their way to the Beneviento house. Lisa basically goes 'Alright if youre so high and mighty go ahead and beat this one yourself then!' and fucks off back to Duke with the intention to kill as many Lycans in the way as physically possible. Robbie goes ahead to the SPOOKY NIGHTMARE HOUSE trust me I have plans for what he sees in there and its appropriately disturbing but it also spoils the ending I have planned for this whole thing so :) hang in there.

BUT he ends up having a BAD TIME when he's trying to head back and what @rokhal suggested slotted in SO VERY NICE HERE (i feel i have sufficiently LOST MY MIND over the fic you posted i am JKSL:FJSDFDS F UCk)

'Picturing Robbie alone in the Village foraging for gunpowder and cash (because it's a Video Game and they can't just hang out in Donna Benaviento's house throwing the creepy dolls in the river while waiting for rescue after reconnecting the phone lines, no, they have to wander around the entire map) and he's saving the herbs for Gabe and using all the chem fluid for sniper rifle ammo or whatever. And he's fighting off werewolves and it's fine because apparently his health regenerates like mana because he's made of mold.

But as he's wandering around it starts to get harder and harder to remember how much cash and scrap he needs. And he keeps missing shots. And then he gets a little turned around but now he's lost and there's more fkn werewolves, and he's seriously low on ammo and he just wants to get back to Gabe, but he needs to regroup and his hands are numb so he tries to warm them at one of the villager's stoves.

And then he discovers that he's slowly turning into a mindless mold creature, and realizes that the only way to keep Gabe safe from him is to get really really really lost, so lost he'll never find his way back before something kills and eats him.

This does not work, but it does ensure that he is incoherent and barely recognizable by the time Gabe and Lisa track him down.'

Which is all MWAH. CHEFS KISS.

Anyway Robbie is gone for a WHILE and Lisa realizes that the puzzles she needs to solve to move the fuck on require 2 people so she's stuck killing any lycans that stray too close to Dukes camp and hanging out with Gabe. UNTIL, of course, Gabe decides yeah no fuck this fuck that Robbie has been away for WAY to long and I'm going after him. Only problem is that Gabe's abilities are kinda rooted too wherever his sclerotia pods (is adding pods to that redundant? whatever we ball) have had enough time to take root and grow. Meaning, despite her anger towards Robbie at the moment, if Lisa doesen't want Gabe caught, dragged to Mother Miranda and dismembered, she's gotta go with him (also featuring @moosemonstrous hilarious idea of her being proud of Gabe's attempted intimidation).

When they DO track him down he's barely awake. He keeps wandering in one direction then looks like he wants to turn around and go another but he keeps FORCING HIMSELF to go the other way (generally I think he would be a decent bit stronger, but fighting his instincts this hard make him seem more aimless. Robbie is borderline unstoppable when trying to get to his brother, but right now he's NOT trying to get to his brother. you feel me?). Lisa goes up first to make sure he's not going to lose his shit or something. He basically falls onto her with the single saddest "m'sorry" ever heard on planet Earth. If it's for FALLING on her or if its for the CONVERSATION earlier, Lisa isn't quite sure. But it's been years since anyone has apologized to her for anything and thats enough for her to decide she should at least sling him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes back to Dukes camp.

They make it back to the Dukes camp and give Robbie a couple of med kits (GOOP JUICE!!!!!) and he's a little more coherent. He's still trying to stay away from Gabe even though everything in him is saying 'STAY CLOSE' but he's got SOME brain space available because at least he's in line of sight now. Scrambled brain time is not the BEST for trying at an apology but hey, Robbie isn't really known for his great ideas and he tries anyway.

(ft me being unwell about shoving them together)

They're on better terms after this. The communication is still weird but hey its them so everything is weird. Plus they get some extra bonding time because I also snatched rokhals OTHER suggestion of

'....Been thinking maybe The Duke has a recipe that would heal Robbie...requiring meat from a golden dancing fish and the breast of the blue bird that haunts the graveyard and the tenderloin of the magnificent boar that sires all the swine in the Village...or something. So Gabe and Lisa have to go hunting while keeping Robbie calm...'

Ah yes. the high end flesh of the Great Village Fuck Boar. Delightful.

Cause I mean he's BETTER but still not GREAT. I think now that he's with Gabe he would be unable to leave him again while like this. Gabe would HAVE to go with them (we can get >:] 'Robbie goes into an overprotective frenzy and sword hands himself to hack some poor lycan that got too close in half' its a good time [its not. sword hand is very disturbing to him])

So anyway what Im TRYING to say is that the brainworms will continue

#I also :) found a way to fit :) side-of-face-splitting-into-horror to fit into the actual story :) aha. ahahaha.#ghost rider re7 au #my art #sketch #this took. a while lol.#what he sees in the Beneviento house is gonna be so fun to show you guys I promise its a terrible good time #we just need to get to the end of the story first to get there i dont wanna spoil design stuff >:]#RE!lisa #robbie reyes #gabe reyes

24 notes · View notes

hexpea · 1 month

Text

Ch. 9 - Ignorant

As the afternoon droned on, Seiko managed to fall asleep. Their head fell back on the sofa and light snores escaped their throat as their mouth fell agape. You sighed to yourself, glad that they had found a moment of peace in whatever turmoil they were facing, at least you hoped. You took a moment to pull the blanket you shared up further onto them to keep them warm.

Just as you were about to settle back into the movie, your phone buzzed with a text message. You carefully reached for it, trying not to wake Seiko from their deep slumber. The text was from Ieiri.

Y/N! How dare you not tell me you were back in town? You chuckled at her scolding as you read her message. I had to find out from that blindfolded idiot!

You didn't hesitate to text her back. Sorry, Shoko, it was for personal stuff. I'm still in town for a while if you want to meet up.

Unacceptable. She wrote back. We're getting together tonight, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I'll make sure everyone's there. She was clearly referencing going drinking, something that you used to do separately from Gojo in the early days of your marriage. You and Ieiri both enjoyed the atmosphere, mostly people watching -- maybe some dancing. It was the only time you saw her usually calm and cool self evaporate into someone completely new.

"Hey, Seiko..." you gently shook Seiko awake. Their eyes groggily unstuck themselves, "I just got a message from Shoko. She's an old friend," you filled in the gaps, "she wants me to go out with our old classmates tonight. What do you think?"

Seiko's eyes continued to blink in order to adjust, quickly rubbing them so that they'd adjust quicker. "Clubbing, huh? Sounds like fun," they answered, their voice still sleepy, "you should go, Y/N. I'll be fine here."

You bit your bottom lip out of excitement. "Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone," you invited.

Seiko gave a reassuring smile. "I'll be more than fine. I've got some ideas for myself already. You go enjoy your night."

You flattened your expression out of a bit of concern. With the subtle changes happening within Seiko, what could they be up to? Ignorantly, you decided to trust them in favor of going out with Shoko and the rest of your old classmates. You felt that you owed Seiko some blind trust after what had conspired the night before, even against your best interest. With a mixture of excitement and a hint of reluctance, you texted Shoko that you'd join them for a night of partying.

You eagerly got ready for your night while Seiko remained on the sofa, flicking through channels with a somber look on their face. You tried your best to keep them from your mind, knowing they'd come to you with whatever was bothering them at the right time...hopefully. You stayed focused on getting dolled up, missing Ieiri and the others dearly. You were happy to have a night of relief after all of the stress.

Since you mostly stayed behind and didn't really go on any missions during your time at the school, you spent a majority of your time with Ieiri and enjoyed spending time with the other classmates in general -- Nanami and Ijichi. Geto and Haibara were honorable mentions. Unfortunately, Haibara had passed away during your third year and Geto, you had no idea what had become of him since he became a curse user those years ago.

After a while, your Uber had arrived and you went to head out, making sure to give Seiko the name of the club you were going to just in case something were to happen. You didn't know where the night could lead you, especially considering the night before. You wanted to be a little footloose so getting a ride and letting Seiko know where you were going was a good way to cover your ass.

You nearly jumped out of the car as soon as it pulled over to your destination. The club looked active, people coming and going with large, drunken smiles on their faces. A few people were smoking just outside the door and others were making out in the nearby alleyway. You could already hear the music blaring through the open doorway as you made your way past the bouncer. Needless to say, you were excited!

The bass thumped through the club's dance floor as colorful lights danced overhead. Your heart raced as you looked around for your friends. Ieiri, Nanami, and Ijichi were all there, not to mention that stupid, familiar crop of white hair. He wasn't supposed to be there. You thought you had seen the last of him, but there he was, schmoozing with a clearly irritated Nanami as he sipped on some whiskey at the bar. Ieiri wasn't too far off, all smiles while dancing with a stranger and a lit cigarette dangling from her lips. Ijichi was with Nanami, quietly drinking a cocktail of his own and minding his own business.

"Hi!" You shouted over the music with a big smile to Ieiri while walking toward the bar. She greeted you back and happily followed you to the bar where you ordered a drink, body still moving to the music even as you walked. You needed it in order to get through the night if Gojo was going to be there.

"Long time, no see!" Ieiri smiled, speaking loudly over the music. She gave you a small hug, using just one arm to do so as the bartender placed your drink in front of you. She smelled of smoke and alcohol. "How have you been, Y/N?!"

You wasted no time in sucking down the drink in front of you and ordering a second before even answering Ieiri's question. The bubbly liquid burned on its way down, immediately warming your stomach with its intoxicating juices. "Wonderful!" You answered loudly and rolled your eyes, a heavy hint of sarcasm in your voice.

"That's good to hear!" She replied, not getting it. It was clear that she was already very drunk, sarcasm was something that could easily slip right by her in such a state. She was certainly in rare form, you loved this version of Ieiri and couldn't blame her.

"What's Satoru doing here? I thought it'd just be us," you asked her, cutting right to the chase and leaning a bit closer to her ear so you wouldn't have to shout so much.

As you asked, she glanced over at him. He was grinning and still talking Nanami's ear off. Based on his demeanor, you could tell he chose to stay sober this night. Your dinner was obviously a one-off situation for him drinking-wise. "I didn't tell him you were coming," she replied, "totally forgot to mention it. I just mentioned we were going out and he invited himself!" She laughed, snorting at her mistake. You rolled your eyes as she left your side to continue dancing.

After your second drink, you went and joined her on the dance floor. You happily swayed and jumped to the music that nearly vibrated through your skull with volume, schmoozing with strangers as the alcohol made you much more loose and talkative. Your face had even begun to hurt with the permanently wide smile plastered on your drunkenly red expression.

When you'd had enough of the dancing and were ready for another drink, you meandered back to the bar to order. Your heart rate was sky-high with adrenaline, happy hormones flowed through your veins. There was no place you'd rather be.

Nanami was next to you, finishing the last of his drink. Gojo had finally left him alone to dance with Shoko. The two of you hadn't yet spoke a word to one another. Nanami ordered another drink with you as you began to make light conversation. From your school days, if you weren't with Ieiri you enjoyed time with him -- a sweet but stoic man who took everything way too seriously. You appreciated that about him, he was someone you could trust without question.

"I thought you'd quit!" You smiled at him as he held a flat expression despite the whiskey. You were asking about his choice to return to sorcery. "What brought you back to us?" You phrased the question as if you hadn't left the life behind either.

Nanami used his head to motion behind him where Gojo was dancing. He was spinning Ieiri as the two held the biggest of smiles, truly carefree. "I did quit, but he still won't leave me alone," Nanami answered, speaking loudly and sitting up in order to get closer to your ear.

"Oh!" You nodded as he pulled away. You almost didn't even need his answer, Gojo was the obvious answer.

He was about to continue your conversation, his eyes had briefly flickered to your engagement ring. The whole community knew about your divorce filing dilemma, word traveling quickly by word of mouth. He had opened his mouth to ask when the devil himself had suddenly come to steal you away.

You felt as Gojo's arm slinked around your waist to slightly turn your body toward him, his own slightly pressed to yours. Nanami watched with an irritated expression. Despite being sober, he clearly had no restraint with his enjoyment in teasing you. He was using your inebriation to his advantage, though he knew it'd be fruitless -- he just like to get you riled up.

"Y/N!" He greeted you with a wide grin, expression bright despite the black blindfold. "Baby!" He chuckled and leaned forward to kiss your cheek.

You leaned away from him and placed your left hand gently on his chest, turning your cheek. He still managed to press a lingering peck, your face immediately turning even more red than it was already. "Satoru," you scolded as his lips were pressed to your cheek, "we're not doing this here." You couldn't help but laugh, the alcohol messing with your inhibitions yet again.

"Oh come on," he pouted sarcastically with a crooked grin, "you can't blame me for trying. You're irresistible, you know." He leaned toward your hear, hiding his face from Nanami, and whispered in your ear.

You rolled your eyes, though a small part of you couldn't help but smile at his persistence. "Smooth, as always."

Ieiri, who was now sitting on the other side of you, chimed in. "What happened with the divorce, you two? Clearly you're getting close now, that's for sure." She couldn't help but ask, asking exactly what Nanami wanted to know.

You were about to answer when Gojo quickly piped up to answer for you. "Don't worry!" He smiled, speaking over the music as Nanami and Ieiri both looked toward you with intrigue. "I signed them, you just have to file them, right, Y/N?" You felt his grip on your waist slightly tighten with interest, your heart raced even harder as memories of the night prior flooded your mind. Temptation was setting in yet again. The usual restraint you had was being heavily tested and for some odd reason, you found yourself failing.

"Ye-" you were about to confirm, surprised that he had told the truth despite his lascivious hold on you.

"But don't worry, we're still the best of friends," he tauntingly leaned toward you once more, interrupting your answer.

Nanami narrowed his vision at the two of you in suspicion. He hadn't yet heard about your new engagement, so he had automatically assumed the ring on your finger was your original. To him, something was still going on but the ring on your finger was definitely not the one from Gojo.

Ieiri raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Best friends, huh? That's one way to put it."

Nanami, who had been quietly observing the situation, couldn't hide his disapproval. He took a swig of the new drink in front of him. "Judging by the ring on her finger then," it now clicking for him, "you shouldn't be touching her like that."

Nanami's statement only triggered Gojo even more, a cocky grin sliding across his face as he gently grabbed your wrist from the hand that was on his chest. Your eyes widened in disbelief as he suddenly began pulling the ring from your finger, putting it in his pocket before placing your hand back to where it was.

"There," Gojo smirked, "problem solved. Happy, Nanamin?"

Nanami scowled at Gojo something fierce before looking toward you with an expression that read 'do you want me to do something about him?' You gave a weak smile as if to signal it was alright, the heat still very present in your face.

He sighed, realizing there was no point in further pursuing the issue. "I see you two have your own way of handling things," he muttered, a hint of exasperation in his voice as he took another sip.

Ieiri couldn't help but laugh at the exchange between you. "Well, this is certainly a lively reunion," she noted, enjoying the drama.

Gojo decided to ease the tension with a lighthearted remark. "Nanami's always been the overprotective type," he chuckled and looked back toward you, his face too close for comfort as he grinned.

Nanami rolled his eyes. "You're the one who tends to attract trouble."

#gojo satoru x y/n #satoru gojo x y/n #gojou satoru x y/n #satoru gojou x y/n #gojo satoru x you #satoru gojo x you #gojou satoru x you #satoru gojou x you #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #satoru gojou x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojou satoru #satoru gojou

27 notes · View notes

rosyk · 9 months

Text

Seven in Silence

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: heavy angst, romance, slight thriller, passion

warnings: family problems, anxiety, separation issues, depression, and light curses

word count: 17.1k

a/n: Hello everyone! I came back from the dead lol. This was not proofread but also the most interesting story I've handled because I wrote the first part two years ago and continued it this year. I really enjoyed how this one ended up and I hope you do too <3 (also any feedback regarding the way I changed [name] to y/n instead cause others seemed to be enjoying it better; what do you think?)

There I was again, planning to do the usual routine even at my best friend’s wedding. Right, I was supposed to be happily crying for her but today seemed off. The tears overflowing as I faced the mirror in the women’s restroom, burns my cheeks and sore my eyes. It hurts so bad but it isn’t as if that wasn’t my everyday lifestyle. I cried after knowing I had another day to suffer and wept in my sleepless nights. Common breakdowns, that’s it. I take this as something unacceptable though especially in the time my partner in crime would be off in her white dress. I should be in joy, rather than make her feel bad.

I sniffed and wiped away my tears. I pulled out a foundation on my favorite sling bag and placed it on my face to cover up the marks under my eyes. As I was about to leave, I hesitated twisting the doorknob. “Great” I sighed after remembering. I am not on good terms with some people she’s friends with, but I don’t want to break it to her. I shook all the thoughts away and took a deep breath to prepare myself. Opening the door, my first steps were something I was proud of.

Heading to the same table as they are, they greeted me with smiles. What I meant by that was ‘humiliating grins’. I despised it but I should make sure I wouldn’t cause another ruckus.

“Anyone with you?” Emily, the girl who mocked me in class way back in high school, decided to speak up. The remaining girl fake gasped and her eyes widened in false concern. “Sorry, shouldn’t have talked about it” smugly, she remarked.

They know well that my best friend is the only one I could count on. After my image was broken due to them setting me up, she’s the only one who accepted me at my worst. It still pains me that after this reception, I’d be all alone once again.

Without letting them recognize the effect they’ve placed on me, I gave a slight smile that remains unnoticeable and replied “It’s fine. I went here alone, and it doesn’t matter”. I let it off with a slight chuckle to make it appear as a joke but they understood the context in which her group rolled their eyes and some scoffed. Reminiscing the memories, I saw her crying to death when she couldn’t be accepted in their ‘sorority’. She couldn’t live without having someone by her side, but I could; that’s the difference I wanted to say.

Hearing the host clearing his throat, we were brought back to reality and faced him. He started with opening remarks that took too long for me to struggle to keep my tears back on my eyes. Swiftly acting as if I was admiring the place, I looked up and around the venue for a short while for it not to appear so obvious.

Hours came by and yes, she was married and it was a mission accomplished. Her partner or now known as her husband is a lucky guy to be able to live with Yuna throughout her life. Everyone needs a Yuna; I’m so happy for her but now that I can’t be that free in communicating with her as she had other duties as a wife, seemed to be a problem for me.

It was just us in a cafe right now to celebrate, like what her friends claimed to say. Awful, suffocating, I was so out of place because I never was in their group. Not that I would want to anyway.

Every time they’d joke, I forced a slight chuckle as if I was amused with everything they said. Yuna, who is quite naive, was really happy because I get to enjoy myself with them. Her friends, on the other hand, raised their eyebrows at me and tried to hold in their laughter because they intended to make an inside joke I’ve never heard of. My pride sank but all I could do was smile.

The room was filled with loud chatters, contrastingly, I sighed mentally. It was a crowded room but I felt lonely somehow. I’m convinced it reassured me that I would have to be alone at the end of the day, and it’s not helping me get over it. The walls continued to scream insecurities and insincerities.

Thus to distract myself, I shifted my eyes and it landed on a tall man in the window, just right after a couple finished eating and left it vacant. The atmosphere was pretty awkward after realizing his eyes reached mines. It took seconds until Yuna waved her hand in front, causing me to flinch a bit.

“Hey, are you on the same planet as me? What are you spacing out for?” She continued and exhaled deeply. I blinked my eyes and finally registered the sequence of events after a few minutes. The others started to laugh and commented about how funny I was, which was an act of sarcasm to continue their process of humiliating me in subtle ways.

“Are you desperate to the point that you’re seeing things?” Regine, Emily’s sidekick, boldly opened the discussion even in front of Yuna.

My best friend, of course, was left surprised and scolded her. “Gina!” she whisper-yelled and her eyebrows furrowed as a sign that she was disturbed by it. She started patting my back and I appreciated that she tried to console me somehow; even though it had hurt me more than enough.

“What? Even we’re curious!” They laughed in unison except for Yuna. My partner in crime didn’t know about my discomfort but she got the hint that they were used to talking bad about me. She was exasperated due to the reason that it was hard to believe. After all, I seemed ‘close’ with her group.

It did create a sting in my heart and indeed I thought of it. Was it my hallucination? But all I could focus on was the blonde’s eyes who seemed to know me so well. Yes, it was impossible, even I think I was going crazy. I wasn’t able to identify his face. If a handsome, perfect guy was to come my way, is it logical to comprehend that I’d forget him? Definitely not. I didn’t know what hit me; is it my drive of finding another friend who’ll love me even after being the worst? Was it guilt? I’m not too sure myself but his eyes held meaning. It was like he asked the same question as I did a while ago; have we met?

My gut tells me to follow after him and my curiosity cheered me on. “I’m excusing myself” I didn’t look back and quickly took my sling bag with me and left. My white flowy dress blew up a bit but dropped as soon as I placed my bag on me. I ran and heard Yuna calling me out and it’s conclusive that the remaining felt like they’ve won because my best friend shouted furiously at them. Though I didn’t care as I was fixated with the guy. There’s something about him.

Except he wasn’t in the same place anymore. Scanning the area, I looked at the slim streets in front. “He doesn’t seem to be there as well,” I thought. I heard footsteps coming from my side and warily turned around.

“Young missy?” He was there. Across the street, his silhouette starts to make its way to me. As soon as he saw my face, he brought up his camera and a flash blinded my eye. That strained a bit and so I winced. I blinked both of my eyes slowly to get rid of the slight feeling that makes me want to puke. The flash affected me but all he did was chuckle and so I glared at him. He then noticed I was ready to place him on his grave so he lifted both of his hands as an indication of surrender.

“I thought I was in heaven for a moment” I raised one of my eyebrows and bit my cheek in frustration. Call me childish and overreacting, it could affect my eyesight badly and I’m worried about that. Plus, it stings like hell.

The man could only laugh, in which I thought he was slightly guilty about it until he replied “I wouldn’t blame you after seeing such a figure of mine. I hear that compliment all the time”. I looked up to him in confusion and hoped he got the signal. I expected him to be embarrassed after my expression but he decided to continue. “Better start kneeling and praying!” he sang playfully and lifted one of his fingers to point at each side.

It was lame but I got the gist of it. I stared in pure disgust and rolled my eyes after seeing him tilt his head, suggesting something. Acting as if I could shrug it off, I raised my hand and waved it against the air despite my hidden blush. No one dared to hit me up, so I did sense my legs weakening but balled fists who is tempted to give that smug look an uppercut. “Cut to the chase.”

His eyes seemed to widen but narrowed soon after. He was listening and interested, that if my interpretation was right. He started to cross his arms and nodded as a signal to let me continue what I’m trying to say.

I was enveloped with embarrassment rather than this shameless guy. I gulped and pointed at him to which he responded with a sound that indicates a question. “You know me”, I bravely stated.

We stared at each other for minutes and each second makes me consider running or hoping I would be swallowed by the ground this instant. After the eyeing, he cracked up and held his stomach. “I know you?” Tears were forming in his eyes due to his uncontrollable laughter. I wanted to dissolve at the exact moment he calmed down but he cackled after because it makes my idea appear insane. But I mean, yes, it did sound like I was mental but why did he make it look like he knows me then? Why did he smile as if he wanted to start a conversation?

“Your eyes say so” I shot in another response and thankfully, he decided to settle down. The volume of his laughs was gradually decreasing so I had the opportunity to get over the shame I’ve felt. But this guy was up to no good.

He started to move towards me and I was crept out, stepping back slowly. He looked serious and stern, I was left shocked by his new demeanor. I bit my lip as I try to stand still and act unbothered due to our closeness. Our chests were pressed together and he bent down to my eye level. Nearer and nearer, he reached for my ear. “That’s love at first sight, darling”

And that was my limit. I kneed a stranger in between his thighs, really hard.

He let out a yell and bent down due to the unmanageable pain he felt. I backed down a bit and showed my palms. Great, now I am seen as more than crazy. I claimed that he knew me when I can’t even remember his name and physically hurt him.

“What the hell was that for?!” he exclaimed and by the look of it, I knew he was asking for the reason when he didn’t assault me or made any of my body parts bleed. Instincts wouldn’t be the right reason for that question as well, it seemed to be more of an excuse.

“Well I just thought-”

“For heaven’s sake! I may be a flirt, but I don’t take advantage of people. How daring of you to judge that fast” He scoffed and was certainly offended over the matter considering how he emphasized the word ‘that’. I was out of appropriate words that I could freely share. I wasn’t fond of guys much especially when they go near me. Let’s say it was an impulse.

There may be something more to it, precisely why he had thought that way but I didn’t want to dig deeper about it and act more all-knowing than I already am. I pissed off a stranger’s ego, causing him to leave and walk away.

“Um...Hey!” I desperately tried to catch up to him because maybe, just maybe, did I actually feel a bit bad about it. It’s odd with the high pride that makes me never back down from something even I knew was wrong, to admit and feel guilty. I bit my lip and inhaled deeply as I hoped he would turn around and hear me out. I wanted to shout his name aloud and catch his attention but I recalled I didn’t get to know his name. He called me young miss, so unintentionally, I did the same in a gender that matches his. “M-mister!”

Watching from behind, he places his camera inside his side bag and inserts both of his hands on the pocket after wearing his earphones. Acting like he didn’t hear anyone, he walked away in a chill posture.

My heels were clicking and red marks were all over my ankles. Crouching down as I leaned my weight on hands that were on top of my knees, I tried to catch my breath. I have frequent anger issues so instead of feeling sorry, I felt more annoyed than him. The man in a tux was stubborn and straight out ill-mannered with his impolite, vulgar words which show discourteous actions. I wasn’t judging, he had the personality of doing immoral things based on his dirty jokes. In short, he was angry for being who he actually was.

“Ugh whatever, who cares? It’s not like I’ll see him again” And with that, I rode a cab back to my apartment and decided to leave all my worries aside.

{MONDAY}

Disastrous. I believe that is what’s going to happen after a few more hours. If anyone of you is wondering what happened last night, let me elaborate.

After riding a cab home in the afternoon, it all started with my other internet friend, Lia. She is sweet and looked innocent but is very outgoing at times. We knew each other on discord by secretly stanning this billboard hit group, Stray Kids and so we decided to meet up. I thought it was a bad idea because it felt like things would go wrong especially when my mom told me not to trust anyone on the internet. Turned out, we had so much fun.

Now back to the story, Lia called me out of the blue and it was the last thing I needed after meeting with ‘mister’. I didn’t want to turn her down though, so I answered. I should’ve known that she would put me in a blind date as usual. I almost had forgotten about that after several months of not seeing her. She insisted I go just for the reason of having her boyfriend by herself. That was when I realized it was her partner’s closest friend. If any, I should be scared because if it doesn’t work out well, or maybe once my mood swings struck again, it would affect their relationship.

So here I am on a plain cafè I randomly picked out because he seemed uninterested. It had been 3 hours and observing the place, it doesn’t look like he is present nor on his way. Will he ditch me? maybe? probably? very? hell yes.

The universe is absolutely trying its best to let it seep into my mind that no one would love or find me attractive. Amongst all my 35 dates this year, everyone had my hopes up but leaves me in the dust soon after. It’s not that I expected him to date me because I’m used to getting turned down all the time, I thought he would’ve at least showed up.

4 hours passed by and it’s obvious he won’t be arriving. The moment I stood up to leave, I saw a familiar guy in sight; the man in tux. At least, he isn’t a stranger anymore but I wasn’t eager to see him. In fact, I never wanted him in my way or my vision. I had this bad image when it comes to him and it’s enough to make me cover myself up by turning around. There’s no use though, his eyes were quick to catch mines. I could hear footsteps coming and it’s making me lose myself. My head was in the opposite direction in which he couldn’t see me and I closed my eyes strongly, hoping a miracle would happen.

step. ‘Oh no, what am I going to say when he arrives?’

step. ‘goodness gracious. God pick me up’

step. ‘Isn’t he going to stop?’

step. ‘Damn, I’d rather be spending my whole life with those 3 mean girls than seeing him’

step. ‘send me back to hell, he’s getting close’

step. ‘and closer’

step. ‘I could hear his breath but please don’t say anything

step. ‘Not a word stranger, please’

“Hey?”

“Asshole”

My eyes widened in surprise due to my unintended murmur and I quickly turned around to face him. He put on the same reaction I had. Panicking, I covered up my mouth with my shaky hands. “I am- oh my god.... I’m so sorry” I ran my hands through my face aggressively and exhaled sharply. “i-it just came out” my voice was low enough to be heard as I wallowed myself up in mortification.

I then listened to the sound of the chair squeaking a bit, being dragged for the man to sit down. He sat in front of me and was willing to talk about things. Incredible, how more magnificent could my day be after being turned down and the guy who knew about it thought of me as someone crazy. “I’m hopelessly horrid, aren’t I?” I refused to look until I heard him let out the cutest laugh I’ve ever heard.

“still can’t get over yesterday?” he asked while placing his hand to let his head rest on it. I slowly lifted my head and gave another sigh that made him respond in a chuckle. Tugging my hair and looking at him with apologetic eyes, I do hope he understood I’m sincere about this.

“it’s just- I misunderstood things and offended you.... I am uncomfortable with guys plus something just happened that day that- yea...” I couldn’t sort out everything I wanted to say so I shifted my eyes to the side. Realizing I was close to crying in remorse and chagrin, I sniffed. After all, even though I looked like someone who seemed immature and doesn’t give a crap about everyone else, I was still a sensitive woman who just lost people and doesn’t want to make herself look more rotten and depressing than she already is. I needed friends but now that I have this ‘judgmental’ impression from the man, how can I have more people I could rely on? It’s also not him I’m in deep concern of, but other strangers who thought of me the same way he did. What if I was unintentionally rude to some? Dear me, I’m such a mess.

He must’ve noticed the teeny drops in my eyes that soon overflowed as I lifted my head, demanding the discreet tears to fall back in its cage. But it was to no use; he solved my puzzle way faster than anyone else who tried to have a gist of my life. It was a bittersweet feeling that arose my mind and touched my heart. Finally needing no words spoken, he knew what was lying behind the facade I was trying to pull dreadfully to save the only thing I have with me, my pride. Simultaneously, I loathe the idea of having a stranger identify my agony rather than those I trust which makes me come across conclusions that I was an open book or my friend was just gullible. I neither liked any of the conclusions stated so my mind ran off to hating him.

“Must’ve been hard...” Inhaling torment and breathing out pity, he thought of words that could ease my ache. I didn’t need his comfort charity but if I were somebody else who’d stare at me, the same thought comes up and I despised it. From the bottom of my heart, I meant every word I said. This is why I don’t open up discussions regarding my life, it makes everyone look down on me “Luckily, I’m still here. I’m quite the social butterfly and we fit don’t you think?” a subtle pout showed up in his lips but the right corner rose, making it look like a kittenish smile. I was not surprised though if we talk about this man, he’s always the ‘playful’ type. Taking his words literally, I interrupted.

“Because you’re the open type who have many friends but I was the unfortunate lonely lass? Opposite attract. Yeah right, such great chemistry” Bitterly, I spat those words like poison and rolled my eyes. Crossing my arms and huffed, ‘an indirect jerk’ I thought.

His hands shook in the air and his eyes started to panic to refuse my statement. He did think of it but I do know it was unintentional. Still, it just meant he pitied me a few minutes ago. “N-no! Of course not!” He tried to explain.

Even I can’t decipher my complicated moods but him trying his best to clarify for the whole 20 minutes quite had an effect on me. Chuckling in a low volume in which he instantly noted, I still bothered to hide my smile by placing my palm to cover my lips. His face turned smug and teasing, and I knew what he meant so I rolled my eyes and denied it by shaking my head but now in a humorous intention.

“You laughed” His eyes grew wide, making me resist those dark brown eyes. It made me lost in track for a moment but good for me, he wasn’t quick enough to notice that. It wasn’t a lie after all when he said he received such compliments of him being so heavenly; I was indeed in heaven after having a glimpse of him.

Before I could further analyze anything and start being creepy, I coughed to distract myself and responded to him lazily. “What? Don’t people laugh?”

He raised his hand just enough for the waiter to see and proceed heading to our table. I’ve thought of denying his offer but since he had already called on, it was fine anyway. What’s the worse that could happen?

“one iced americano” he didn’t even take time to read the menu and passed it on to me. Noticing my look in confusion, he asked as if I was judging him again “What?”

“Really?” My tone dropped and sarcastically asked. “just an espresso please. Thank you” quickly scanning over the menu and told the the waiter my order, the man went back and did his job. I faced back to the guy in a tux and my expression changed as fast. “An iced americano after it’s literally freezing outside?” His shoulders rose up and down to shrug but I could only chuckle in his mere response.

“Excuse me? I like Americano! chowa chowa~” We both sang in unison, cringing, though his eyes went larger as mine grew narrow because of the grin plastered on my face.

“Wah! That was scary, how did you know that?” that hit me in an effect different from what I wanted but honestly, the mood was a bit lighter than my experience in the past.

“Someone never failed to tell me that every day” with a sigh, I placed my head at the top my palm and smiled to myself. Oh, how I missed to hear those words again.

“May I know who?” He seemed enthusiastic considering the way he scooted closer comfortably. I knew I couldn’t get away with this kind of curiosity because he didn’t flinch a little when I gave him that oh-how-nosy-of-you look as if he stepped within the boundaries.

“I don’t know. I just know I talked to that someone.”

Confusion filled the loudest silence and I wondered what was wrong with what I said. Pretty sure some people don’t know all the details in their life right? Is it needed to learn this kind of information? He froze with mouth agape and I blinked, hoping he’d get back to his senses. It scared me as I looked back to everything that happened. I felt guilty, what for?

“Are you dumb?” he deadpanned looked at me and thought as if that was the lamest joke he had ever heard. Unfortunately, everything was real. I mirrored his emotions causing him to stutter all over. “I- what? Are you naive or were your memories taken away?!” He gasped so dramatically, not that I expected him not to.

“Idiot, if my memories were taken away, I would’ve known.” I lift my upper lip and stared at him in disbelief.

He cackled in response with his usual endearing laugh. “How would you know then if your memories were taken away?” Mimicking a cry, he can’t still hold his laughter back. Much more after I froze and let out a small ‘oh’ in realization. It gradually faded off and he flicked my forehead. “Idiot” he retorted my smug reply a while ago which made me scrunch my nose whilst leaving a playful pout, screaming the words ‘unfair’. “Cute” he mumbled lowly after seeing my face and it did made me look away for him not to notice the blush. He did though, my ears were beet red so he beamed a smile that I was only able to see in my peripheral vision. I didn’t take a peek of his whole look but I know I couldn’t resist to THAT.

As if the timing was perfect, the waiter came in with our little drinks that he decided to pay. We had quarrel over the payment that went on for almost 5 minutes. The waiter watched awkwardly and ended up receiving his instead of mines. While drinking each of our drinks, he opened up the conversation first.

“It’s unusual for you to” I placed my cup after his abrupt statement and tilted my head, asking him to go on.

“to what?”

“Well you know...” contemplating about his thoughts, he tried to sip on my drink to which I swatted away his hand. I raised my eyebrow in a bubbly manner and told him to quit around playing. “you smiling, it’s rare to see so” he brushed his hand dramatically as if he felt immense pain and replied.

“You don’t even know me?” I chortled at my comeback, twisting his words right back at him. The atmosphere was still friendly but the mood? Suddenly shifted into something serious I surrendered myself in the control I was striving to put up.

“I do know you”

I know it was meant as a joke but I’d like to believe half of it was directly true. Those eyes that pierced right through me once again had some sense of familiarity and belongingness. It’s as if I fled away from reality because everything was turning their backs on me, but he felt like home. It’s as if everything turned monotone but he was my only hope. It’s as if I used to ignore everyone but something makes me cling unto him. It’s as if I knew him but at the same time, I don’t. Was my misery too loud that it reached the heavens and pushed me into insanity? Or was he indeed someone I met? The presence reached through me even when he’s just staring. If I was asked just by the feeling of his existence, I know him, a hundred percent with no doubts. But in general? His physique and he in a tux were something new that made me convince myself he was a total stranger. Still, the thought itself isn’t as easy to shrug as it seemed. I would recklessly gaze into those eyes forever without knowing why.

“There you are again” Clicking my tongue, I began to bounce back to earth. I tapped my fingers to a fast and mischievous rhythm to make it seem I was angry. He laid on his back, pressing on the chair to be in a comfortable position which I found creepily attractive. “Those eyes!” I pointed my fingers at his deep gaze that turned into a startled expression. ‘He thinks I’m a joke’, I thought. It wasn’t enough to get me riled up on my nerves though because if I was in his position, who wouldn’t think I was lowkey a bad flirt?

“So what should I do to stop your gawking? Close my eyes?”

“Much better” Favorably, this man doesn’t seem as bad as I thought he would be. He knows how to take a joke and accepts every word I say, whether it may be surprisingly good or blatantly messed up. Maybe we did just meet at the wrong step of the time.

{TUESDAY}

“So how did the date go?” I groaned just after hearing my thousandth time being dumped, probably.

Lia had the courage to call me and talk about it. I’m sure she was hoping my ’supposed to be date’ at least liked me, which was so opposite, and in no terms do I want to see him again. We were too relaxed with Lia so everything I say, even though I tend to be mean, she knew it was a flaw in my personality that couldn’t be fixed. In fact, she was kind of fascinated with how I looked so innocent and honorable but has a hidden persona of aggressiveness behind the public.

“Bloody hell, may the paradise sue me for what I will do shortly. Some witch needs an update.” I breathily recited my ‘chant’ to which she laughed so loud it could burst my ears and wake up my neighbors. I wasn’t on speaker, what would happen if I did?

“such a virago, bae!” I could just imagine her fanning her hands behind the phone with a teasing smile, mixed with nervousness. I heard her boyfriend’s voice along with Tienne, her partner’s younger sister. She was my favorite one so I decided to force her in turning on the video call.

As soon as she did, the young cute girl’s face lit up on my screen and I almost yell out a squeal. Lia knew damn well I love Tienne which is why she’d let her kid handle it.

“I missed you!” The 7-year-old fake cried which caused me to forget about my bad day and chuckle. She was playing with her usual favorite t-rex and a barbie, saying how barbie made the dinosaurs extinct using her big dream house car that brought pollution. This was so random and I honestly don’t know where she got such ideas. The most disturbing one so far was how she stated that dora was such a pick me and who acted blind because it was quirky. Kids weren’t supposed to know that, right?

“I missed you too, baby Tintin!” She isn’t a baby and in fact hates it when people calls her young, except for me though. I’m her favorite because I’m always with her when her so called parents are trying to have a date. Not that I would complain, I enjoy being with this lass.

The boyfriend arrived with an Oreo in hand as he waved after seeing me.

“Hey, hey shortcake. Long time no see!” He was in his usual long brown coat paired with a white polo, rolled-up sleeves and brown loose pants. Taking off the glasses he wore, he approached Tienne and smiled through the screen.

“Looks like the giant is dressed-up. How big of an effect Lia had on you for you to bother wearing such ‘boyfriend’ material outfit?” I rolled my eyes and he laughed once again, remembering high school days where I used to force him to wear decent clothings that doesn’t make him look like a rebel.

He groaned while smiling, partially tired at the fact that he had repeated the words that’ll come out of his mouth over several months. “Big time. I really love that woman” His eyes showed sincerities despite the joke I just gave. This blue haired guy does seriously love her.

I bitterly smiled and my hands twitched a bit after seeing such view. Of course he was my long time best friend, he knows what I’m feeling. Not missing an opportunity, he looked back at the screen and raised an eyebrow. “Jealous, aren’t we?”

At that very moment, I did want to punch him through the screen. “Well at least tell your friend to show up before rejecting a girl he hasn’t seen yet” The boy seemed so amused in response that tears were coming out due to his uncontrollable laughter.

“I showed him a picture of you before the blind date” and oh, was that my final straw of the day. He didn’t want to miss the expression so despite the hard laughs, he tried to take a peek at my reaction.

I was as red as a tomato, boiling. “Frick you! Rot in hell, you titan!” I slammed the table and hissed a bit due to the pain felt but I pouted to show how stressed I was.

“But you look pretty! Are you always going to believe on those ideas of yours?” The laughs were nothing closer to dying down. At that moment, he seemed as if he was close to bursting. “And you know what he said?” Placing his head atop his hand that was resting on his table, he asked me directly. Of course I knew the answer.

“Oh, she’s kinda not my type.” We sang in unison as if we shared the same braincell. The only difference was the aftertaste. He laughed harder, while my frown gets lower.

“What a great day to ruin my date, boy. Got ‘ya self a lover and decided to ditch me whilst betrayin’ behind my back”. I slightly fell back on my seat comfortably and stared at the ceiling.

His laugh drowned after a few minutes and he spoke with a hint of seriousness “you look pretty smiling, I’ve always told you that shortcake.”

My eyes widened a bit with the sudden confession and looked through the screen, in which I saw no figure anymore. One of my eyebrow raised and my smile grew softer. He still do care about me. After all, I was like his little sister. The thought of it made me feel secured and contented.

Well not until I heard a few kisses through the call. “Oh dear gracious, not in front of a declined girl!”, I responded to which they could just let out a few laughs at my remark. And yes just like siblings, they are so fond of my misfortune.

“What took you so long, though?” I could tell that Lia waited for hours just to ask me a question she pondered on for so long. I knew what she meant but asked once again to ensure we got the same idea.

I hummed in question and saw her figure approaching the camera. “That rejected date of yours. What made you sit for several hours until late at night and arrive smiling?” Her man echoed the last words she had spoken like a broken record. He eyed me curiously and waited for me to speak up. Guess I have no choice when two of those orbs stare at me like hawks that are ever ready to bite when denied. I guess I can’t escape.

I tilted my head and accidentally leaked out my inner thoughts “Weird, I thought our talk only lasted for a few minutes” It was a moment before realization dawned unto me. They were as fast as how wind blows though, they caught unto it.

Lia clicked his tongue and smiled as the giant all-knowingly prolonged his words to make it seem like he got the idea.

“It’s not what y’all think” I rolled my eyes and cleared the obvious suspicion their aura is channeling over to my house that is several miles away.

“We didn’t say anything though”, Lia’s boy narrowed his eyes and looked at the mentioned girl who quickly agreed on his statement. “Unless, you thought of something”, he continued and emphasized the last word. A tiny glint of his eyes contrasted with his omniscient smirk that glowed on my screen.

I stared for a few seconds trying to find an excuse, but I was caught on the act. “Oh come on! Everybody thinks” I turned my back around and yielded in the tight battle.

“There ye go again, beatin’ ‘round the bush lady!” He sang as he and Lia both left the frame, leaving me and little Tienne alone.

I shook my head in disapproval however my thoughts were fixated unto Lia’s comment. ‘I smiled while arriving’, my heart beat rose quickly for a second and blamed it on my anemia. But then again, if I may have had quite the fun yesterday, maybe mister wasn’t so bad after all.

Forgetting I was still on the line, baby Tienne responded, “Are you in love?”

Instead of denying the question quickly, I decided to ask her as to stir my interest. “And what made you think that way?” My voice slightly raised its pitch as I was talking and trying my best to make a 7 year old kid understand how love even works; despite me not knowing anything about that at all.

“That look, my brother looks at Lia that way. Your smile” she grinned sheepishly, looking more adorable than she already is. I was distracted by her gleaming eyes until I processed what she had just said.

Grabbing a mirror, the papers on my desk flew and some fell down but all I could see was my replica staring like a red ball, making me look like someone who blew a balloon really hard. “Oh gosh, I look like exploding” my arm covered the prominent red blush that spread all over my face.

Tienne giggled and remarked: “you’re weird”

{WEDNESDAY}

I hated snows, much especially on first snows. Ask me for the reasons? Not a good idea. I could only reply with a ‘maybe I was rejected after a couple of supposedly romantic confessions during snow’ or a ‘maybe because I was still currently refused by a guy the moment the first snowflakes fell.’ I stared at the empty park and sighed much more heavily compared to the past.

I opened my note and jotted down a single word: snow. The lingering feeling of coldness touching my skin as I try my best to stay warm reminds me of my past days, trying to desperately breathe in a situation I can’t change. The heavy feeling that grows as light as how its flakes fall. Elegantly in slow motion, if I must describe. Yet it’s temperature is affecting me in a way it doesn’t intend to. Generally, me and snows are simply incompatible. Maybe fate doesn’t follow.

I stepped back and felt my foot sink deeper into the pile of white cotton. It sucked my leg mesmerizingly but I got back on track as soon as I heard a sound behind me. I placed my guard up and spun around cautiously just to see a playful smile in front of my eyes. I flinched once in surprise, gasped in shocked, and blinked in disbelief.

“Again?!” My brain was unable to process the flow of events as my fingers pointed to the same mister that was in my head for the past few days.

“Ah, fate’s dirty works” his shoulders rose as he chuckled and stared at the enchanting view that sat in front of us. Grabbing his camera, he clicked on the button and took a look at his shot. Tilting it sideways, I could only hold on my scarf to avoid slipping into his eyes and focus on the thing he had shown me. After a little peek of a masterpiece, I smiled before replying.

“Again with you and your photographs.”

“I love my shots, this way I could never forget about how such beauty gleams on moonlight or even the sunshine rays. I’m a bit picky, so I believe everything that is stored here is a work of art” He thought deeply and held his camera tighter with deep passion, as if embracing it to heart.

“So each shot you take also depends on your preference?” He handed me the camera and for the first time in the day, we made eye contact. I quickly diverted my gaze on the pictures and swipe through them as he explained.

“I only remember those I love,” past I scrolled on a girl looking more likely to be in her mid 30s. Same smile he wore and same eyes they glowed, I could presumably say it’s her sister with no doubt. “Those I admire,” the next that came in the talk was a bunch of his idols. Some I knew, some I don’t. “And those I’m most interested in” ‘Hobbies’, my inner tone speaking out appeared excited than expected.

And yet, I was met with a picture of a girl on a white loose dress under the shimmering night sky. Her expression wincing - could also be taken as squinting - I wasn’t too sure what prompted her to have so. May it be the sudden fright she must have had felt, the new feeling rushing down her veins, or simply the strong light of the camera that could’ve blinded her eyes. She was a reflection of me, simply me, during the day we first met. Under the streetlight, the moment he and I closed our distance and stared at the other. The only moment I was able to get sidetracked away from my depressive and monotone months. Maybe there was light, not from the camera nor the streetlight, but from him.

My head unconsciously tilted upwards as to clear what he was trying to say.

“Y/n, I want to know more about you.”

Those few minutes staring unto his eyes, were sucking me like hours. Absorbed and indulged, this scene was deeply imprinted on my mind when I don’t want it to. ‘You can’t be interested in people you had just met, much especially when you know it’s more than curiosity’, this rained on Korea within my mind’s void. Though repeated like a desperate prayer, my mind forgets to remind me that he was bad idea. One word of his, I pause. One step of his, my world stops. One look of his, it continues spinning once again, but now with the thought of progressing the years along with him. Just like how my mind swiftly swings, I feel the sense of slow motion every time he comes but fast forwarded whenever I think about myself, both of us. Fast forward, wherein I’d be holding his hand. Fast forward in time wherein he’d caress me with affection along with those deep brown eyes.

Fidgeting my fingers, I loosened one arm and placed it on my side near him. His eyes trailed unto my now lowered head that still continued staring on the pictures. I gulped and hesitated as I slowly gave him back the camera while avoiding eye contact. “I hate snow”, a mumble was all I could utter. Hoping I was hidden on the red scarf, my mind was lost in thoughts once again.

Winter, I always feel something around this time of the year. For no reason, a forlorn’s heart is wretched deep in the grave. In ordinarily suffocating, a burdened body carrying her soul. Inexplicably hopeless, determined - if I must sugarcoat the word - to the point that I am so good at making things out of nothing.

Instead of bewilderment passing through his eyes, he looked up and agreed. “Yeah”, breathily he spoke. He knew what was going on my mind once again. Was I enchanted in seeing him or was I enchanted just because he was like a reflection I didn’t need to open up to for him to understand?

Nonetheless, I could feel him softly smiling beside me as he took notice of my hand creeping up on his jacket, holding unto it discreetly. He knew I still wanted him to stay, despite the contrasting effect I placed on my words and the actions of pushing him away.

A few minutes then, he stood and I opened my eyes to face him. Slight surprise was evident in my face, much more after he held out his hand. “Let’s go.”

“Where to?” I stuttered along my words. With the same smile, he declared his statement like a promise;

“Let’s go make snowy days your favorite time of the year.”

“Hey,” he spoke casually but prolonged his words just enough to make me wonder why he had that tone as he spoke. Looking almost immediately, he replied and looked into my eyes with a contemplating face, “do you believe in love at first sight?”

My eyes slightly widened and he smiled as he noticed the surprised look on my face. After all, I thought my insanity was way too one sided. “So you felt it”, My lips turned downward as my eyebrows went upward, showing an expression of shrugging the thought away, despite internally taking it to heart.

He slowed down the car on a red light and adjusted himself on his seat. “Well, not exactly.” He spoke in a sing-song tone before continuing as to not leave me hanging on his thoughts. “Mine was love at first sight, yours is the idea of soulmates”

I cracked a laugh absentmindedly as he tried to remember which part of his statement deserved a slight mockery. “I did feel like I know you, but never did the thought of being connected to one another, or at least whatever anyone calls that, came into my mind” I looked away from his deep eyes staring into me and signaled him to start the car as the streetlight showed the color green. A part of me was also hoping it would act as a diversion to stop the unnecessary talk.

Being the bubble gum he was, he was a traditional man who took ‘get to know a woman first’ way too literally, maybe even too much. “So you don’t believe in that concept?” He thought to himself, but curiosity made him want a response from me. I could object to his actions quickly, but his assumptions were right.

“Correction mister, it does not exist.”, I confidently spoke

“And what in the world made you dreadfully oppose to this view?”, he retorted

Another assumption, but he was right and I couldn’t bring myself to talk back again. I pointed my finger at the switches and complicated buttons I’ve seen on his side, to express that I wanted to lower the window. He simply pressed on the mentioned, particularly to my liking. Weird, I thought he’d only lower it a little.

I leaned my head outside and closed my eyes to take a moment before finally responding after a sigh. “People come and go. None are perfectly suited for each other, if that’s how its definition goes.”

He tilted his head, not in agreement but also not against my thoughts. Therefore, I took it as a moment to continue my explanation. “A soulmate is simply a word people perceive just for reassurance. If one’s single, then his or her so called soulmate will appear soon in the perfect time. That’s what they all say, but it simply is thought just to avoid the fear of being alone, disappointment and other negative aspects that they think could possibly affect their quality of life. But if they’re taken then broke up, just like how typical couples are fated to die down, they’d also call the same plea for self-encouragement that a perfect man would miraculously appear in their life like some hero in a romance drama.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disapproval as I continued speaking in disgust, “it’s sick.”

I could feel him staring straight at me so I did as well to see what he could reply after my utterance. His expression agape, leaving him speechless when I knew he initially had a speech prepared. The sudden silence made me tense up quicker than I thought, so I cleared my throat to bring him back to earth. “What?” I cursed myself mentally for breaking the eye contact first, but thank the heavens it saved my life. “Mister!”

My voice successfully knocked some sense out of him as his eyes trailed to where my eyes were directed at. His expression turned into something beyond panic and surprise, as he quickly pulled the brakes at a red light.

Our bodies bounced back like fishes off sea and I could feel my heartbeat racing faster than when I had first met him. This is when I knew it was a really strong feeling. “Are you planning to kill me?!” I exasperatedly threw my hands in the air.

He could only chuckle after a moment of calming the adrenaline rush we’ve felt and finally eased up before explaining himself, which was very unnecessary given the situation we’re in.

“Gosh, you are breathtaking” he bit his tongue as he grinned playfully. He’s really joking at a time like this? Now, I was the one who had my jaw dropped, not because of confusion but due to incredulity. Blinking twice to see if he wanted to retract his words, it was of no use. “It made me almost ran the red.”

“No, but really, that rap performance you gave a while ago seemed too personal.”, he thought and rapidly changed the topic.

“If personal, why pry?” I spoke in a deadpan tone because even if my heart rate had calmed down, my brain wasn’t able to process what had happened if I had not looked down the road. “Besides, there is no such thing as soulmates. It’s just a bunch of coincidences to keep the hopes of people up. They are blatantly yet stupidly and unknowingly lying to themselves.”

“Well, I beg to disagree, young missy.” His arms leaned unto the wheel and he slightly intertwined his fingers to properly refute my baseless explanations. “Soulmates are real, just like you and I.” His ego rose as I groaned in annoyance. I actually adjusted myself to hear his opinion, just to take a false assumption from him. He chuckled and nudged me as a sign that he’ll finally be proper for once. Well, thankfully he did.

“All jokes aside, there are people that are meant to be for each other. No matter how life brings them down, fate would still tie them together with no escape.”

“See how the world toys with people?”, I bitterly questioned.

“Yes, but I find that very interesting when it comes to the idea of soulmates. The way it makes people feel like the person they’d end up with is the only right one after all the wrongs they’ve seen before. That’s what makes it special. There’s no “toying” present; it’s simply fate.”, he spoke lightly as if whispering while showing his eye-smile.

“That’s too dramatic and vague by the way”, I casually critiqued

“Vague.” He looked up for a while after echoing my words and thought, “maybe it’s because second chances are part of my beliefs. With no factual explanations based on science, It seemed like it’s one with me.”

“Directly, you’re trying to say you just believe in it. That’s it.” I tried to help him get out with this ‘beating around the bush’ behavior I dislike.

“Maybe or maybe not.”, I rolled my eyes again in response. “The world is more than what we see. And in this world, we may have not known that there are people destined to be with others and encountered them in their past lives. Maybe some kind of resurrection built by deep affection, if I must say. A second chance brought by fate, a second chance that was persuaded to arrive because of how intense the relationship or bond is. I believe in those. With equal yearning felt by each other, nothing is impossible, y’know?”

He looked very lost in his words and I didn’t know when to interrupt. As if by ‘fate’, he finally paused for a moment to look at me. Except, I didn’t know what to respond to his sayings. Both of our ideas aren’t even scientifically proven or factual, they are just metaphorical statements that aren’t needed to be spoken because none of these could change anything at all. People couldn’t see and hear, nor would the heavens comply with our contrasting requests. Yet, the desperate aggression we know we’ve felt despite our calming and frisky voices, was quite personal. Why were we so eager to insist our perspectives? His eye smile almost made me forget how quickly he’d react whenever I spoke my side and how his eyebrows would furrow in seemingly disappointment because I don’t get his.

Confrontation wasn’t my side though, so I played along with his ‘dodging’ game. “The concepts of soulmates doesn’t only revolve in second chances though, that example was oddly specific”, I chuckled to not appear crystal clear.

Instead of a quick response or interruption like he’d usually do, he instead paused again before letting out a hesitant titter. My eyes scanned through his face and saw him gulped, which unconsciously made me feel awkward as well because of how uncomfortable he seemed in a second. “I mean- A situation, I guess. Just to expand and make it a whole lot clearer. Yeah.” The volume of his voice gradually decreased as I echoed his last word. Now, it was my time to clear my throat.

Acting as if I was admiring the scenery during the car ride, he halted after a few minutes. We ended up on a little street and I was caught off guard when he opened my side of the car door. It must’ve meant we already had reached our destination. Why is he taking me here? Still, there’s something that always keeps me hanging unto him. Maybe he wasn’t the only one stricken by curiosity.

He beckoned me to enter and I trailed behind his back. There, we entered a peaceful and little home with red dreamcatchers on the right side of the interior wall. What caught my eye though was the piled books in the shelves with a man’s name on it, in which I assumed belonged to his. I never knew he was the type to easily get immersed with books; talk about a perfect guy. Unfortunate was I to say that even if he had courted me, we were characters predestined on an asymmetrical time flow.

As soon as I entered the house, I could still feel the cold air from outside. It was as if it had been long since someone visited here because the air warmers seemed broken. Don’t get me wrong though, the surroundings was clean - way too clean for my liking, way too clean to be true. This flawless orderliness would only be possible if one had come here to sweep every minute as there is an absence of even a speck of dust. But then again, it was cold.

I approached the stair rail beside me and hung my red scarf before proceeding to the living room. “Coffee or tea?” The mister asked while facing towards the kitchen.

“Do you have juice?” Both of my eyebrows rose and my mind hesitated whether that was an appropriate thing to ask. Hoping it did not make me look demanding, I waited for his reply.

“Sure”, he timidly spoke and gave me a smile once again. However, I noticed his shilly-shally to leave me out of his sight.

“I’m fine”, I chuckled as he also replied with one. I was mistaken though, as he still seemed to ask me something on his mind but decided to bite his tongue for it may look weird. Delaying his steps, his words trailed slowly as the volume gradually decreased. “Where..?”

“Maybe in the upper cabinet beside the refrigerator”, I tittered at the thought of him not knowing where the powdered juice in his home is.

A hint of surprise following mines gave me reassurance that I was right. I decided to scroll my eyes along the album that was almost unnoticeably placed under the table with only a page hanging off in the corner of my sight. It was normally something others would undoubtedly ignore but everything about him struck my curiosity; even if it’s merely something related to him. Without hesitation, I took a closer look at it and unintentionally had it up in my lap as I scanned the pictures.

There, a little kid around 4 or 6 years old is sitting in a twin-sized bed along with a beautiful lady who had her arm wrapped around his son’s shoulder. The ring on my hand touched the picture’s texture as I brought out the photo from the memory book to determine the uncanny sight. In one look, it resembled a family in the mid 1990s that would make one sense jealousy in themselves because this published a dream almost none could reach. Happy and rich, full of excitement. However, blink and take a second look, one could notice the indifference present in the face of the little boy. The charisma the mother exhibited overpowered the kid to paint a happy picture that would please everyone’s eyes. But the latter’s smile was way crooked, showing uneven proportions that should’ve been aligned with his eye. The brown orbs that looked ever beautiful was isolated from the look he wanted others to perceive. It was metaphorically flat and literally dull. Though if the smile was only looked solely, it seemed as if he was in a manic state.

My head started to lean near the picture slowly to view the sight that gradually became horrid. The traumatizing scene could easily influence such an apparently unfaltering mood. If invisible blood from the ones you were forced to kill spilled out from those guilty, innocent, and pitiful eyes, appeared as a picture; no doubt it would be this.

“That’s me when I was 6, year 2006 along with mom”, Mister came back with two containers in hand, one’s a teacup, the other’s a tall cup. Hesitation was evident in his last word but I flinched almost too obviously that I knew I was guilty yet persuaded myself that invading a family treasure would be fine without asking for a proper permission because I’m scared of receiving a single ‘no’. I sighed mentally at my idea of being nosy when it comes to other people’s business. Might be a red flag, but what can I do when my life’s too boring for me to get invested at?

However, I couldn’t quite decipher what truly disturbed me in hearing his response; whether it was his thoughts of me suddenly opening a personal object, this guy was the same kid who used to have an awful smile and had glasses on his twin-sized bed, him looking quite uncomfortable talking about his mother, the fact that the pictures were old yet they only had bought a shiny new album recently, the set up was very much around the nineties yet he was born in 2000, or the idea that I had so many ideas when it comes to him because I unusually, and very much weirdly, am so concerned about his life and perceptions about him. Nope, definitely (hopefully) not the last one.

My eyes awkwardly blinked twice and I could feel my cheeks heating up with a slight tint of pink. Clearing my throat before anything could get worse, I chose to give a remark regarding the second to the last question. “Vintage. Your family’s on the traditional side?”

“You could say that”, he spoke while slowly dragging himself near me with a sharp breath. I unconsciously stiffened up for a moment, glad he didn’t noticed it this time. His finger moved through the album and pointed at the little kid with glasses. Following a chuckle, he added “biggest plot twist in my life”

I looked away at the book for a moment to think before I responded with a dramatic gasp, “I feel like I’m looking at two different people”

His eyes met with mine and he laughed so heavenly while clapping his hands. It slowly died down and he shrugged along my disbelief. “I can’t believe that’s me either. Maybe it’s the ‘mom’s effect”

“Mom’s effect?”

He hummed and replied, “the trauma maker”

I bitterly giggled as I could relate to him this time. “Then it’s the dad effect for me” Looking towards him to show I’m ready to listen, I nudged him slightly. “You start, I finish”

“Ah, but the finishing touch is the highlight!”

“Then I appreciate getting the spotlight, mister” I slyly stated while narrowing my eyes, to which he responded with eyes rolled.

“Hwang Hyunjin”

“Ohh,” I teasingly reacted while showing my empty ring finger “You haven’t told me your story yet and now we’re on a name basis?”

“Yes, a name basis. Not on a first name basis” he slowly pronounced each word to highlight the bitter truth, along while pointing his finger straight at me. He then held my hand and it caused my eyes to slowly land on them just to see him place it back on my side. I couldn’t utter a word or maybe I simply chose to refuse. My jaw was left dropped as he shook his head with playful disappointment before turning his back at me. Talk about having a full army attack you, unarmored.

“You?!” My British accent showed up on the worst timing possible. Though I could say it added a more comedic touch in my skit. I guess living in London for a few years just to avoid a father’s tantrum isn’t so bad after all. “You, of all people, chose to ignore me? Nobody could resist this beauty, I daresay” I stopped after a few tracks after his sudden turn. His face were a few inches away and I was startled for quite a bit. Still, it doesn’t mean that the zoom in wasn’t humorous. He’s still a fine man though, he didn’t waste much of his cool points.

“Unfortunately darling, I was called a nobody in my family. Does that count?” He questioned to add a risible scene in my play. Oh, he is a whimsical man for sure. It bewilders my mind pretty bit to think that there are people out there that isn’t entertained by him. Either it’s my broken sense of humor or theirs, he’s got something that makes a person very intrigued.

He turned his back once again so I grabbed his hand and now it was I who made him surprised. “You still can’t get away with this.” My smile glimmered but my eyes remained determined “tell me your story,” I whispered.

His smile dropped for a moment but he sat first on the sofa. Patting it twice, I followed him soon after. “I wasn’t this type of person initially”, he spoke to break the silence.

“On the picture or the one I’m facing right now?” My body slightly leaned right to look towards him as I laced both of my hands and placing them atop my lap.

“Which do you prefer?” The tone was so like — well, him but the question may appear serious if taken on a different note. Who’s to say I can’t like both?

“Can I assume you meant you weren’t the type to open up to people?” A smirk was plastered on my face but it can’t stop there. I gave him a teeny wink, which I knew he’d notice immediately given he’s attracted to details. I hope ‘attracted’ was the accurate word, not obsessed. It makes me shudder to think he was made the latter, if ever, because of his own family.

“Unbelievable, miss. Just-“ he chuckled before continuing “You’re unbelievable” It can be taken in only two perspectives. The first one would be a rude tone and the second could be taken as a compliment. Not only does he have a great sense of humor, but he was mysterious as well. No matter what kind of emotions he’d express, I don’t think anyone ever had the chance to pass through his walls of mind.

“What can I say? According to my father, I am a simpleton. And I agree. I look at things very simple and even when it comes to people! Everyone either likes me or hates me, no in between. And as for our case,” I pointed at him and myself before rapidly switching sides of my finger to show the unity and placed it back on my lap. “I think we’re far enough from hatred”, I simpered.

“You need to stop making yourself special” he sipped from his cup after lifting it up for cheers.

“I am special” I responded to his greetings.

“I dreadfully wish I could deny that” He clicked his tongue after his reply. He muttered the words to himself, I assume, because of its volume. Yet I also do believe it was meant to reach me given the silence afterwards as if he was waiting for me.

“What’s stopping you?” I gave out a short chuckle, somewhat similar to his which made me slightly alarmed. Truly, I am not fond of him, am I?

“The fact that you are”

A swish of the wind passed by as I stopped for a moment, “Oh, a smooth talker you are. I despise you.”

“Well then, here ya go.” He waved his hands towards me, hinting that he got through me for a split second. “You got a past!” He gasped dramatically.

“If you think you can get away from you explaining your past, then you’re wrong. Quit the delay, mister”

“Pressuring me just after you know my name? How fierce. I like that in a girl.” I simply rolled my eyes and let out a groan before he showed a teeny smile and continued.

The car ride took another few 30 minutes going home but I felt like we’ve been going on a loop for several hours. The ride home was eerily silent, a clear contrast compared to the way to his place. And it’s not sadness I’m feeling right now, but pity and confusion. He discussed his past using his mother’s perspective and words, which made him insecure and stopped me from asking how he felt. His mother was in control of him after all; his eyes, his mouth, and his skin acted as if they were reflections of his mother’s view of an epitome of an obedient son.

He warned me that I’d view him differently if I heard his story, that I’d be disgusted and disappointed of how he had the right to live and laugh after he used to be at an awful state with his mother, thinking he never deserved to do so.

I got off the car after the slight hesitation and bit my lip before I bid goodbye. I felt a slight tinge of pain because I thought his eyes would peer through mine, trying to tone it with an ‘I told you so.’ Except, I never got to meet his eyes at the end of the day, leaving me frozen still as he left without uttering a word.

I sighed and went straight to bed soon after while rethinking everything that had just happened. I never felt disgusted, not one thought of leaving him had run across my mind. In fact, maybe a part of me wanted him to love his self and see the beauty I’m seeing as I wish to view those eyes for eternity. It was until the moment that I have concluded the night; Uh oh, I’m falling in love with Hwang Hyunjin.

{THURSDAY)

I woke up in a messy state. I could hear faint ringing coming from my ears as my head start to hurt a bit. I didn’t know where this slight pain came from but I presumed the reason was because I couldn’t sleep well yesterday. There were mainly two reasons and a suspect. For one, I couldn’t sleep as I thought I had concluded yesterday that I love a guy I recently met. Second, I couldn’t sleep because I debated that these feelings weren’t real and I was simply getting distracted from the darkness that swooped me days ago. I am a smart woman and I know for sure the most stupid thing a person can do is romantically trusting a guy. But all these reasons only have one suspect, and out of all, it had to be Hwang Hyunjin. And oh, how it torments my mind upon realizing I can’t place the words ‘just’ and him on the same sentence. I can’t belittle him at all; he has that face, humor, smile, words, and understanding for me that can’t put me at ease. He makes me so giddy but I feel comfortable in his presence. Really, what is he and what is it he’s making me feel?

As an instinct, I went out and reached for my phone before I was stopped at a sudden thought that he still was a stranger to me. I mentally cursed upon remembering I don’t even have his number yet. All I have is a name and his past that gives me no leads about his whereabouts. ‘Too much for true love, my ass.’ I sighed, rolled my eyes, and shook the negative feeling away. It was nothing, I was sad and heartbroken. It could be thought of as a one-night-stand without all the sexual contact. It’s temporary, just how love should be. Non-draining, non-distracting, and unattached. It’s a way to actually protect one’s heart than laying it out in full vulnerability.

I stood on my feet and took a shower. Just like an innocent party night out, I hoped to clear my mind alone in a cafè as I have not too many friends to go together with.

If I were to earn a dollar for every sigh that escapes my lips, I’d become a millionaire overnight. I gave myself a mental facepalm as I stood in front of the same cafe I once met Hyunjin. It was not to clear my mind but rather to fill my mind with him again. I was teeny hoping he’d be here, assuming it’s his usual spot. But my trail of thought and clear flowery daydreaming was interrupted as I’ve seen frightened eyes shot at me. The staffs inside stared at me in terror and some of the customers oddly peered as if asking for proper verification from the others that they’ve seen right. With gaping mouths and frozen eyes, one of them brazenly marched forward to me. It was an eerie sight that I couldn’t bear to overcome, even when I had the feeling I was overthinking the situations again. I could feel myself shaking that I had to quickly turn around.

Much to my thanks, someone grabbed ahold of me and took me to a quiet alley with not much of people but had breathtaking scenes. I was about to scream until I saw a familiar face holding his finger up as an act to shush me up. My hands were still practically shaking at the sudden anxiety that stroked me in day and my thoughts raced back and forth until my mind couldn’t keep up with it anymore. The edges of my eyes used to appear soft like the ground’s surface softening in rain until the tears were now brimming my eyes. Gladly, it can be seen as some sort of a splash; strong and speedy. But again, Hyunjin was able to notice such and tried to calm me down. He was almost embracing me with his palms resting atop the knuckles of my closed hands. He didn’t say a word except slow hush sounds as his thumb ran circles that eased my shakiness. I wasn’t even completely enveloped in his arms but it felt so warm because the soft tone of his humming reached through me that it almost felt like he whispered sweet nothings. My eyes were closed shut so I couldn’t see, could barely hear, and yet his presence, merely his presence, was enough to calm me down.

“Hyunjin…” I weakly spoke out and he reassuringly replied,

“I’m here.”

It took me a several minutes before I was able to calm down and when I did, I was aware of his presence. My breath hitched and I started to fix my dress; a hint of awkwardness present within the air.

“So… Were you just about to enter the cafè?” I cleared my throat and asked. It seemed like a casual question but I looked up to him in little hopes before giving a follow-up in a low volume almost he couldn’t hear. “Or did you have other plans?”

Hyunjin was an attentive guy, and I thought he was much more thoughtful on the details that involved me. But he shrugged off the last part because it seemed out of the place without context. “Yes, it’s my go-to place,” he tried to lighten up the mood when he showed his prince-like smile everyone would swoon over.

My cheeks were heated up with his response. Of course! After all, I did want to enter this cafè because I thought I’d see him. It’s totally understandable it would be left one-sided. I wanted the ground to swallow me up as I thought he was interested in seeing me too. What was wrong with me?

In panic, I hurriedly spoke and gradually stepped back until I wanted him out of my sight “Right, right! I’m so so sorry I interrupted your day. I wanted to enter the cafè too, I mean just because the food taste good and I love the ambience. It’s such a nice place, isn’t it? Totally, I mean, that is solely why you wanted to go here in the first place.. right? Of course, glad our tastes match! I’m really sorry, now you could go on and continue your day because I will now take my leave-“

“And I also wanted to see you”

Oh.

He added and held my wrist with a slightly shocked expression as well that I had to leave immediately. The stiffness of my body then started to soften up as well before I breathed out another sigh and feebly agreed, “I did too.” A few seconds is what it takes to look into each other’s eyes and realize that we’re thinking the same thing. However, he caught me off-guard today. “Come with me, y/n.” Honestly, I hesitated. Does it feel right to entrust myself in the arms of this guy? Does he feel right? Rationality would reject his offer, but my eyes landed on his. It’s those eyes again. It’s what reminds me of how much great of a guy he’s been and how I could imagine myself in his company. Now the question shifts and all I could ask is “How could I say no to that?”

{FRIDAY}

Yesterday was great, too great for my liking. It made me forget how it went very well, made me ignore the fact that the universe punishes beings at the end of the day. I remembered eating strawberry ice creams, a spoon for two. We went watching sunsets in the dock after experiencing a short cruise at night. The last thing I could recall was plopping flat on the sheets as I stared at his wide smile that I realized made his eyes tiny. Such a warming eye-smile. That upwards curve shaped by his pink-tinted lips was the first feature in the moment wherein I looked at anything first before his brown eyes. That’s when I knew he was more than just first impressions. There were greater adventures with him than subtly looking in those eyes. And just as I was about to decide to know him better, he left with no word. I woke up, all alone.

The ringing of the phone brought me back to my senses. I answered the call and I heard Lia on the end of the phone, “I honestly don’t know other ways to tell you the truth y/n, he’s not answering, he will never answer because whoever this is you’re telling me to call, the number is not available. It’s gone, y/n. It’s gone.” My hands tapped furiously at the phone for a short while before I hastily replied and dropped the phone call “It’s not right. Something’s wrong, y-you’re calling the wrong phone number and I know I can’t reach him too on my cell but we were just sleeping together last night.”

Another ring came up but I decided to ignore it. I quickly showered that I did not even remembered if I washed my hair. All I know was that I changed into the clothes I found first on the cabinet and made sure to bring my phone. I strolled through the same streets and places we went while finally calling back Lia. 13 missed calls. My hands gripped tighter on the phone and prayed it was good news.

“Sleeping together? What just- how did-?” I interrupted her and spoke, “We were so tired after grabbing strawberry ice creams, strolling on the docks, going on a short cruise, that we went to sleep and I could barely remember anything afterwards.” I raised my voice in panic, almost-sounding like I panted. I sighed. And it was silence after silence to recollect my thoughts. In a low volume, I asked “You don’t think something bad happened to him, right?” Lia clicked her tongue in frustration and groaned, “And you are worried about that?! Hell y/n, for all we know, this guy could have left you! He played you, y/n. Why are we being so naive?”

“He did not, Lia” I emphasized, “You don’t even know this guy”

“And you don’t too! You met him a few days and now you’re head over heels for him. I am not terrified of what’s happening to him, I am scared of you. What is all this about? Aside from the fear of you getting hurt, you are acting almost obsessive with a man you barely met. Get your senses back, this is not you”

“What do you know?” I mumbled and it was enough to make Lia stop rambling. There was more to it than just a question, and she knows.

Her boyfriend sighed and asked a question that somehow ignited a larger fire than before, contrary to his intentions. “We don’t even have cruises that last as short as one night. Hell, is there even one that runs faster than less than a day?”

It was silent again. I could hear Lia pause but it had a different vibe today. I knew, she thought, and he did too. But none of them were right, I met him. I know I did. “This is ridiculous” I scoff, “Are you saying I’m lying?”

“No, we could never! We trust you.. but with everything going on in your life, you know.. You might have not took it well” Lia’s boyfriend carefully chose his words.

However, I insisted. “Or implying I’m hallucinating” And again, it was silent. I shook my head and continued “I don’t know what to say. This is crazy, I can’t. This is just-“ “and this, all of what’s happening, is crazy!” Lia spoke before she was shushed out by her boyfriend again but I dropped the call.

Why do they always think ahead of me? Back when I independently chose my course, they’d hesitate. When I say I finally found something good for me, they’d doubt. When I feel hurt over comments of other people, they’d laugh. And now they think I’m insane. Well, they might be right; I feel insane because I don’t know what to believe anymore. This guy, one who truly understood me, is nowhere to be found and he could be playing me like what Lia mentioned. I am scared, not because of what could have happened to him but what would happen to me. I am selfish. I feel alone. I’m standing alone. It’s scary.

I ran back to his place and rang the bell. I could feel sweat trickling down my hands and I feel cold. He would be here, wouldn’t he? Almost a minute later, the door opened. And it was to my delight until I saw an unfamiliar face. The girl looked a few years older than him that it made me sigh. I never knew he was into women older than him. Guess I didn’t know him after all.

She smiled sheepishly along with her pretty features. “Hi, I’m Sana. Sorry I don’t know how these introduction things work. But I just moved here, I doubt a neighbor would immediately want to say hello. Would you?” She extended her arm. I misunderstood her and never was I happy in my life that I was wrong.

“Oh no, I’m finding a guy in this area. He was in this place.” “Ah! I do remember this was used by a man.” Her voice echoed throughout the hall as she seemed to grab something by the end of the table “The landlady insisted this might belong to its owner. I don’t really mind, but seeing you’re finding him, you might be a good choice.”

The door closed and I held the old phone she handed over. There was still dust on the edges of the screen that I assumed it was used a really long time ago. I unlocked the phone but it had no lock at all. Was this intentionally left behind for me? Curiosity wrapped me up as soon a recording was shown on the screen. I couldn’t wait to hear it so as soon as I rode the bus, I took out my earphones and tapped on the play button.

It was odd. He talked almost as if he was telling a children’s story because according to him, it went by like a fantasy. In a first person point of view, he started the tale with a man and a woman, in their teen years. The man was an aspiring dancer, filled with his passion for music. But there were obstacles — pressure, doubts, and insecurities. That’s how he ended up on the dock overlooking the shore and sunsets, the same place wherein he was saved from his thoughts of disappearing into thin air by a woman. He was an observant guy and knew from one glance that she was considered average. She wore outfits that looked like they were taken hurriedly for the sake of sale day and a stylish bag, so out of the whole aesthetic that it seemed like it was only given to her as a gift. But it was different at this moment. After one long pause and a closer stare, she looked the prettiest in his eyes. One thing that ironically brightened his day was indulging in her downward eyes which emitted great concern. He could only, after everything, smile. The girl visited him continuously but only at sunsets due to both of their busy schedules. It so happened that she stood in the dock also because she needed a breather, unknowingly saving a life as well. The girl approached him and days turned into a whole week of them getting to have fun together. They were each other’s rest and they lived every minute of being together. They knew nothing of their relationship, whether it was intimate or platonic, but they enjoyed the days. However, the days were numbered. The girl saw him no more.

“Maybe I needed you too. I just needed seven more hours to speak with you.” The words from the audio strayed further away from the storyline, leaving me confused. “The day you weren’t able to come back because you were busy, I stood still like the waves coming back to the shore. It’s this ache I feel after I had realized that I can’t escape; I will always go back to the same place. You touched my life, and I am not selfish enough to tell you that you haven’t changed it quite yet because you had done more than I could ever do. You kept trying and trying. I was losing hope, I’m sorry. By the time you have received this message, I’m probably not with you today, though I at least hope it wouldn’t take years for this to reach you.” I could hear his bittersweet chuckle at the end, “I just wanted to express how grateful I am to spend my remaining time with you. I wish to live at least just seven days with you to make up for my absence, is it a difficult request?”

No, this is not just a fictional story anymore. My thoughts were interrupted by the ring of my phone and I subconsciously answered it and placed it on my ear as if by instinct, completely spacing out. “Hey.” Hwang Hyunjin. That voice, the same one that showed me both this heart-wrenching delusions and reality. I could feel him through the phone. I could imagine his eyes, and for the first time in 5 days of meeting him, I could vividly remember his nose, lips, and the little mole under his left eye. “I didn't expect the recording to reach you several years after."

"Find me in the usual spot, yeah?”

I looked up and realized it was closer to dark that the driver had even slept on my destination. I must have been spacing out for several hours by now. I remembered it, plain as day. And if I’m not mistaken, we only have seven hours left before he leaves me. I couldn’t waste more time trying to count the hours left so I immediately went down and crossed the dock. I spotted his figure from afar; tall, blonde guy. He turned back and our eyes met. Now I could recognize him better as I ran closer to him.

How could I had ever forgotten about him? He was my first love, the reason why I feel so alone after all these years, why I felt so empty in Yuna’s wedding, why I could feel such strong connection between us. This must be why he was in a tux the moment I met him, as it was the last image of him I've remembered in his coffin. All this time, Hwang Hyunjin, the story was about us.

“Are you real?” I sniffed and until then, tears started streaming down my face. I can’t breathe. I feel choked by my own tears and I can sense my heart breaking. My body started feeling so sore because of this immense pain in my heart and I wonder if he’s being so oblivious about it as this, everything, is just so mean. Can he hear my heart crashing?

He only responded with a smile, “I am if you want me to. Anything’s possible, isn’t it?” He reached for my hand and started caressing it gently. God, I could still feel him. So near, yet so far. It’s like he’s here, but isn’t. “Just like how you changed my mind that time.”

I threw my hand away from his hold and took a step back. “So this is why you've never met my friends today, why I was the only one who could see you, why I don't understand you fully, why those people in the café looked at me like I was crazy. Were you real after your death? How could you simply disappear, Hyunjin? Not only a moment ago but also in the past! That was so one-sided. You were breaking my heart. Was that your plan all along? During that sunset, did you mean to grab my attention with those eyes of yours, share your thoughts that changed my whole life, and leave me just to suffer all alone? We weren’t even in pain together, Hyun! I felt great with you and you told me you did find a friend in me. We felt so isolated, but wasn’t that…before us?” My eyes moved downward as I continued without letting him speak, “Or was that just me?” Chuckling in bitter as I spoke with poison, “Right, right. It could’ve just been me! You were suffering so bad and I didn’t even notice it. I may had fun, but it wasn’t enough to make you change your decision that one time I wasn’t around.” I stepped back as he tried to reach for me but I wouldn’t allow him to. He couldn’t even speak as I was madly lost in track with the ideas that filled in my head. “I was wrong. I was not enough. I should’ve been there-"

“Y/n!” He brought me back to reality with just one yell of my name. And I wondered, can he bring his self back too? “I hate that you think bad about yourself. That you had regrets during that moment as you kept blaming your decisions” He mumbled but loud enough for me to hear, “Maybe that’s the reason why I was given another opportunity to meet you. You changed me, y/n. I need you to understand that and respect my feelings.”

“Respect your feelings? Did you ever respect me as a person?” I stared at him, full of contempt and bitterness. He didn’t waste another second to respond but I had cut him off. “What kind of question is that, y/n? Of course, I do-“ I desperately wanted to move away from him that I took several steps back as he did forward.

“And you didn’t consider how I’d react?”

“I did, I had thought of it-“ “And you still went with it! I thought our friendship was strong enough that you’d understand how gravely I’d suffer if you were gone in just one moment. Hell, you left me for a lifetime!” “Can you please listen to me for one second before you might get yourself killed?! We walked back to the road and a car could be here any time we’d least expect!” He raised his voice higher to grab my attention that I had lost strength to fight back. Nothing made sense anymore. How could he put me in place as easy as he’d throw me away? “I can’t afford to lose you, y/n” His eyes softened and I could observe them; they were full of regrets. My heart ached once more and it wasn't because of him. I could sense my hopes getting up again.

[THE DOCK]

We were sitting, staring at the dimness in front of us. Silence. That was all I could hear almost an hour after we went back. It was enough to calm myself down, to be ready, before he’d start talking again. And he did. “You knew my struggles before as a trainee. Rather than solely dancing, I realize I’d be known greater as an idol. I was already suffering from their constant criticisms, endless practices, and trying to prove myself out there. Because it’s so different here in Korea. You can’t simply be skilled and succeed in the music industry. They take no mercy that it’s somehow not just music anymore. You have to appear perfect, have that appeal, be good-looking, and even know almost everything to please people and bring them to be your fans. Not only that, I had family issues too. It was messed up and I needed a different place. I didn’t know I actually needed a person, you, my safe place. It was as if all those worries disappeared and I found my reason to keep going on in that journey. In everyone’s eyes, I was a disappointment and a doubt but you never made me feel that way. You are important to me, y/n. And I’d climb a hundred mountains, reach for a thousand stars, and search for you within millions of people in this world, all for you. I’d make everything possible for you.” “Yet you couldn’t wait a day just for me?” Tears started falling once again but it was a first to see tears brimming from his eyes. I hesitated to add the question I’ve thought of all this time as I imagined his expression, his realization that I’m coming back to reality. “Hyunjin… why did you die? Why did you leave me, alone?”

After a sigh, he replied. “It was not simply one day for me. It was the only moment. I had realized in a short span of time that I can’t live without you. After those moments, I went back to my dorm and repeated the same routine. But I used to be happy because I thought of you every second of my life. I felt motivated in seeing someone who could finally understand me. However, every time they drag me down, give me a notice I may be up for elimination, criticize me, and say I’m not fit for dancing when it had been my reason for living, there was still this hole nobody can fill. And I may had gone through that pain, I may stand it when I’m with you but I was so lost. I wanted to restart my life because I was scared at the thought that I may not be happy with wanting to be an idol when I’ve wasted all my years for this. What am I going to do without it? Without you?”

“Was I not enough? Did I not make a greater effort of changing your perspective?”

“I arrived at the point that I had still thought of spending my days with my bestfriend when I finally become an idol. You’ve changed much more than just perspective, you changed me. But we both can’t change what cannot be changed. It’s life and I’ve given up on it. There’s nothing more you can do.”

He took ahold of my hand and we both stood as the sunrise is nearing. “But looking at you once more, now that I have this freedom, you really got a knack for changing lives. I used to be lost but I have a vision now. You brought me back. I realized that I still needed more time to be with you, I will always do. I do not want things to end, y/n. Thank you for the seven days, seven hours, and seven more minutes with you but I’d be too selfish as to always ask for one more second until I finish spending an eternity with you. Seven is not right for us, Eight may be our fate. But life encompasses everyone and I struggle to keep this goal running” He squeezed my hand, hard enough to make me realize he was trying to keep himself composed. Time is such an awful thing to be paired with life, I thought.

“I thought you said you’d make everything possible for me? For us?” He could only, after everything, smile. He reached for the strands of hair falling like the continuous tears running through my cheeks. He tucked them under my ear as he whispered “And I would.”

I pushed him back a little as we were on the same wavelength, on the same page. “You’re not leaving me again, Hyunjin. You’re not. Not when I’ve spent my whole life thinking about you! Crushing myself over you and dreading this moment just to finally see you pushing me away again! I was there. Everyone moved on but I stayed in the same beach until dust collected in my pinned-up hair and you weren’t still there. On that- this same beach you had forgotten me because I wasn’t present the day you needed me.”

“I could never forget about you, I had never done that at all. I always needed one second to be close to you but that’s the problem, y/n. I used to be hurting every time I was with you, knowing I was meant to leave you in the end. I had no direction in life and I did not want to drag you further with me. You deserve to be in this world.”

Choked sobs are all that he could hear from me. No, I did not like to take another silence anymore. Why does it appear as if we’ve got nothing left to do, that all his decision must be him leaving me? I desperately grasped unto my shirt and crouched with all means to let out the pain my heart is feeling. The scream my heart is letting out that he can now hear.

“It hurts much more, Hyun. I was not living but I wasn’t dying too. Have you encountered it? Before leaving this sick world, did you carry all those regrets? Did you have troubles leaving this beach knowing you’re gone? Did you stop watching the television and your favorite series, basically your current only reason for living, just because I saw your face on the news? Did you lose your appetite? Did you have sleepless nights full of cries and when you were finally able to take a nap, you’d wake up with a wet pillow? Did you stop leaving the house and wasn’t strong enough to face your other friends? Did you feel very helpless to the point I wasn’t brave enough to meet your grave? Up to this time, I walk with nothing but pain in my heart. It hurts, Hyun. It hurts to think that the only thing that reminds me I’m still living is this sting in my heart and I hate that! I hate that I’m still living a life, the one thing that brought both of us down. I’m walking, driving, eating, strolling, and desperately trying to fix everything broken through time. One thing that brought both of us down, I’m still alive because of this sickening time!” “But I have no regrets, y/n.” He mumbled in a low volume and it finally struck me. There’s nothing more I can do, do I? Is this why he’s here? To make me understand that it wasn’t my fault? He’s so pure and good that it’s mean to me.

“How could you do this to me?”

He shushed me, brought my hands together, and embraced me as we both cried. “And I’m sorry. I apologize for everything I’ve made you feel but you won’t feel a single thing like that anymore. By the time we’d keep on living in different worlds, you have to let go of me.” “I’m scared, Hyunjin.” His hands touched my back as he held me closer and simply replied with a ‘don’t be’. “I could sense I’m slowly losing you. I’m slowly starting to forget how you touched me, how you made me feel, and your voice.” He replied no more and encouraged me to let all my feelings out… to forget later. I tried to move a little but he didn’t let me go. It was obvious he didn’t want me to have a last look at his eyes. It’s getting dangerous, Hyun. I’m starting to forget your gaze, those eyes that would then not be considered as ‘those’ but simply eyes I would not be able to recognize anymore. You’re starting to be like everyone, like strangers.

“Can I have one more word with you?” I could feel his soft hands stop and it was if I read his mind. He didn’t want any more promises, I know. “Did you really climb a hundred mountains, and reach for a thousand stars before you’ve searched for me?”

He paused for a moment and we both could hear ourselves chuckle. “You really are still the same, y/n. Hmm..” He stopped as if thinking, before continuing again, “I may had- have not. Okay, I did not.” I could sense his smile but couldn’t feel it anymore.

I tugged his shirt as we still embraced and gave a playful laugh through my tears. “You’re such a drama!” “But in the afterworld, I would. I’d do those for you before I’m forgetting you as well. We’d keep living in both worlds.” I sighed, but it was more of an emotional release. I wonder if he also started to forget how I feel.

“I hope the afterworld do you good, it’s what you deserve.” “And I’d pray to those angels to give you a life, not just worth living but full of happiness.” “That seems impossible” I playfully rolled my eyes and lightly hit him in the back.

“I’d make everything possible for you.” And I knew he’d let it happen. I was starting to calm down as I could see the sun rising. A new beginning. A restart.

“Can I say one last thing before we’d leave each other?” My voice almost cracked due to the sudden wash of emotions to which he replied with a sorrowed chuckle. I could feel myself crying again and my hands were shaking. My heart was clenching so bad and I didn’t know whether it was because of the fear of having a new life without him or because I’m losing him completely. “I liked you, Hyunjin. I really liked you.” It was more than just ache, I was wailing to let out the pain and everything else that kept my heart in a cage. I could sense his touch gradually getting away from me. I could sense him disappearing into thin air as my tears were heavy as falling down into the wooden platform in the dock. I desperately held on to myself instead of him, and crouched down as I felt myself losing all the strength. After everything, I still didn’t know whether he had heard my confession. But it was more than enough to get myself to admit it and let it all out.

He was gone in seven seconds, but I’d need one more second to place him back in my heart again. I’d start anew not holding on to our memories but the lesson that I can find love like this. To be happy, just as he wished. He left me the second time but he was also right again, not in the sense of being together but living in separate ways. Seven was not right for us, Eight may be our fate.

We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light (All Too Well — Taylor Swift) I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone (Enchanted — Taylor Swift)

73 notes · View notes

spadesolace · 9 months

Text

love you twice: new jeans

synopsis: it had been almost 2 years since their breakup, haerin and yn had met new people, become newer versions of themselves. the same feelings still linger.

words: 1.8k

previous | next

It had been almost 2 years since the best friends had decided to remain friends.

8 months into the break up, YN had already started dating someone new that she was classmates with the year before, Yoo Eunji. At first glance, clearly Eunji had the personality for anyone to fall for her, it was a bonus that she was attractive (according to YN). When asked about their relationship, people assumed that YN made the first move, only to be surprised that Eunji had liked YN for quite some time. This did not go unnoticed to Haerin, she watched her best friend who always had time for her on the weekends slowly spend it with her girlfriend.

“YN, wanna go to the arcade this weekend?” Haerin was hoping you haven’t made plans. She misses her best friend more than anything but it was as if she was slowly drifting away.

“Sorry, Hae. Eunji already asked me to go to the cinema this weekend. How about next week?”

YN kept her word, if she missed out on a hangout with Haerin, she’ll spend it the following weekend. She shouldn’t feel butterflies in her stomach for when her best friend would come over and spend her time with her. She shouldn’t be jealous of Eunji for calling you “hers”, most definitely not. Haerin was left in the state of confusion, clearly YN still knew the way to her heart yet it wasn’t intentional, YN now viewed Haerin as her childhood best friend who was born on the same day but an hour earlier than her, the same girl who had confessed under the cherry blossoms, and the very same person who took her first kiss.

“Haerin, if you’re so bothered with YN having a girlfriend, why not try dating as well?” Danielle was always willing to listen to Haerin rant about YN whenever she would say no to a hangout or if Eunji really wanted to go on a date with her girlfriend. Until that time, nobody knew of their past.

“I don’t know, Dani… YN still tries her best to spend some time with me.”

“There’s a guy in my class that’s been asking me to introduce you, why not start with that?”

That was the start of how Kim Minwon, part of the baseball club, had the looks yet the personality was a bit questionable. Lee YN sure noticed how the boy did not understand the concept of personal space when he was with Haerin, hand around her waist, leaving no space at all. YN shouldn’t feel rage, sadness, and wanting to punch his face when she has Eunji. She shouldn’t feel butterflies in her stomach if Haerin ditches him for her, definitely unacceptable when she has a girlfriend of 4 months.

Haerin let him court her, some feelings were already being developed and she had finally seen YN as her best friend. It took him 3 months only for him to ask the question and Haerin agreeing. The pair was happy for each other in the public eye. If they could put their past relationship behind and move on, that means they could remain best friends. Slowly, the feeling of jealousy and butterflies was bottled up, keeping up the front that they’re only best friends. Going on double dates and yet at the end of each date, they’re together in the comfort of Haerin’s bed, watching a documentary about sharks or frogs, laying down with no space in between. We’re best friends, this is fine.

“Hae, you got any plans after class?” Usually on Tuesdays, Haerin was free, YN was sure of this, because Minwon has practice every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. What threw her off was Eunji answering for Haerin. She likes her girlfriend but it was getting on her nerves how she would try her best to not let you spend your free time with Haerin.

Yes, Eunji has been her girlfriend for almost two years, but Haerin has always been the top priority (with Hyein). All she could do is agree and go on the impromptu date with Eunji, everyone in the group knew there was something going on between YN and Eunji behind closed doors. Asides from being called the power couple, YN being one of the active students in their Science club and running for student council president, while Eunji was a well-known ballerina and straight-A student; something was off.

“Alright, where do you wanna go?” Eunji always picks where and what their date is, if a certain place holds a core memory with Haerin, YN would immediately suggest something else. One time, Eunji wanted to go on an arcade date where YN and Haerin frequently go to, she had suggested a different arcade that was a bit smaller but was still good.

“Dog cafe? I wanna see the corgis again.” There was an unspoken rule about cats between the pair; never mention them especially when YN would space out and look at one siamese cat that looked like Haerin. It was never mentioned why she looked so lost looking at the feline, Eunji assumed she was afraid of cats.

“Come on, if we go now we can catch them before supper.”

Eunji loves holding YN’s hand, it was soft, smooth, and it was the perfect size despite being bigger than hers. She loved the way YN would tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and shyly look away if they made eye contact. Eunji had fallen so deep for YN that even when she clearly sees that YN doesn’t see her the same way as when they started dating, she stayed.

After their first year of being together, Eunji watched as YN slowly drifted her attention back to Haerin, she understood that she was a close family friend, nothing wrong with that. Even when Hyein had admitted to her that she does not feel any sort of connection with her, she didn’t mind. The Lee sisters were close with Haerin, no one could take that spot, it was made aware to her when she was having dinner with the Lee family and Haerin came over as her parents were out of town. Eunji was going to sleepover and there was no spare bedroom as YN’s grandparents were in town to visit the sisters. Hyein was not that comfortable to share a bed with Haerin, so she agreed to go home that night. YN walked her home, held her hand, talked on the way to her house, kissed her good night and thanked her for understanding. Eunji watched as YN walked back home in the dark, hands in her pocket, earphones plugged right away… slowly drifting away. Haerin had taken her spot.

Eunji knew that there was little to no space for her in YN’s heart.

“Look, the corgis just finished their bath. They smell so nice.” Eunji watched her girlfriend play with the dogs, a huge smile on her face as one of them sat on her lap. She missed seeing her like this, carefree and all attention on her. Her lemonade nearly finished along with her dark chocolate chip cookie, where was this version of YN hiding? Somehow she was happier despite her cancelling her supposed plans with Haerin to spend it with her. Nothing made sense anymore, it was as if one day YN wouldn’t care that much and spend her time with Haerin and the following was that she’ll be following Eunji like a lost puppy.

“YN, babe.” The girl hummed as a response, still petting the dog on her lap. “If I asked you to choose between me and Haerin, who would you choose?”

Almost two years of being together, Eunji never asked that. YN assumed that she knew that Haerin has been her top priority along with Hyein, that the comfort of her sister and best friend is what matters. She also knows it's wrong to put Eunji last, second could have been fine but last between the three people she cares for, says a lot.

“What makes you ask that?” YN knows and understands completely why Eunji asked that, she has imagined this scenario multiple times, overthinking and overanalyzing everything. Feelings have been bottled up for so long, she knew she’ll slip someday, she didn’t expect it to be today.

“Your priorities… somehow you put Haerin first almost every single time.”

“She’s my best friend. I see her as family.” Not a complete lie, but YN knew that, Eunji as well.

“Be completely honest with me, YN. When you told me you had an ex, was it her?” Was there a point in lying when her facial expression screams guilty. Eunji finally caught up.

“No.” Haerin was still YN’s number one priority, it was a promise that neither one of them would snitch or admit they were exes. It was between the pair and Hyein.

“YN… to be completely honest, I don’t believe you.” Who would? I clearly lied straight to your face. Haerin is my ex, my first love, I’ll choose her. Why bother asking me this, Eunji?

“Eunji… if you’re jealous of Haerin-”

“I am… it hurts to watch my own girlfriend put her best friend first over me. Be honest, just this once. Was she your ex?”

I want to lie. I don’t need you to know that.

“Haerin is dating Minwon, she’s into guys.”

“We’re not getting anywhere with you deflecting my question.” Eunji, please stop. The last thing I want right now is for you to be hurt.

“It’s between me and her, YN. I can’t always be the second option, the last choice.” Eunji was right, she’s the girlfriend, the first priority should be her and not Haerin. Deep inside, YN wants to lie, she wants to properly love Eunji but how could she?

Eunji isn’t the quiet girl who would always sit next to her. She wasn’t the cat-like girl who had a fascination with frogs and cats. Clearly, she wasn’t the girl who is a part of the dance club and could dance as if her life depended on it. Eunji wasn’t Haerin. She can never be Haerin, and it pains her to admit the truth.

“I’m sorry… it’s just-”

“Haerin is your first love. I understand, although it pains me to say this.” Eyes glossy, trying not to cry, voice hoarse as she tries not to look at YN who had a saddened expression.

“I’m letting you go. I do hope you make a move rather than waiting for a miracle to happen.”

“I’m sorry… and thank you.”

YN walked Eunji back home, holding her hand, it was quiet compared to when she first walked her now ex-girlfriend home. Once they reached the gate, one last kiss; a kiss goodbye mixed with guilt and gratitude. If her heart wasn’t occupied, she would have properly loved Yoo Eunji.

I guess it's time for a new me. A better me… for Kang Haerin.

#newjeans x reader #newjeans imagines #newjeans #haerin #kang haerin newjeans #haerin newjeans #haerin imagines #kang haerin x reader #kang haerin #love you twice #lyt!yn

130 notes · View notes

miniscule-meow · 29 days

Text

Prologue: New Beginnings (Charlie and Felix)

Writing Masterpost Word Count: ~1.2k Next Part Exposition, World building, Me remastering this story again.

---

“Rosehill University is a prestigious institution, whose fundamental purpose is to build up, and exemplify those with superhuman abilities as altruistic helpers,” Dr. Eric Brune sits behind his desk, resting his chin against his steepled fingers. He adjusts his thick glasses before continuing, “Your abilities should not be treated with flippant disregard for the safety of others. You have a responsibility, especially considering you are one of the most capable young supers to have ever walked these halls, Mr. Westwell.”

Felix resists the urge to roll his eyes as this self-important bastard prattles on about the importance of being an upstanding citizen, blah, blah, blah, the pillars of personal character, yadda, yadda, yadda. He lost track of how many times he’s been called into the Dean’s office just to hear this same spiel. At this point, he’s simply pretending to pay attention so he can say his apologies and get out of here. I’m sorry Dr. Brune. It won’t happen again, Dr. Brune.

“Which is why the Board has decided it would be best to transfer you to Bayshear University. Dr. Brune declares.

“I’m—” his rehearsed apology dies on his tongue, “Bayshear? That’s- but that’s a mundane college,” he states, leaning forward in his chair. He’s the most powerful super this school has ever seen, and they’re about to toss him to a mundane college? Like hell they are.

“Yes, we’re aware. The general consensus from the board was that some time outside of the Hall of Supers might be good for your mental wellbeing. You should feel very lucky, Mr. Westwell, Many people are bending over backwards to ensure you still have a future.”

“And my future is that I’m getting expelled? Exiled to some Mundane community” he asks, his hands gripping the arms of his chair so tightly his knuckles turn white. Dr. Brune doesn’t even blink.

“Only if you choose to look at it that way. I would think of it more as an opportunity for personal growth.” Dr. Brune’s sallow face looks like it’s never known a smile, but Felix could swear that delivering the news that he’s getting expelled almost brought him to a grin. Felix knows this bastard has never liked him. Since day one Dr. Brune has had it out for him, and here he is doing everything in his power to ruin his life.

“I am the top super in this whole school,” Felix fights to keep his voice measured, biting back the choice words he truly wants to say. “You can’t—”

“Mr. Westwell, I most certainly can. In fact, the decision is already final. Your conduct here has been completely unacceptable. If it were to continue as it has been, you’re in for a true expulsion, you’re in for being blacklisted from every super organization in this state, if not beyond. And, heavens forbid, if things were to get any worse well, son, you’re looking at your abilities being dampened or being sent underground,” Underground. Probably not a thinly veiled euphemism for being offed by the government. It’s somewhat of a legend amidst the Supers, a looming threat to keep everyone toeing the line, crossing their T’s and dotting their I’s, making sure that everyone is on their best behavior. It is a creatively named facility that harbors the Supers that become major threats to the public located, you guessed it, somewhere underground. “You understand that, right?” Dr. Brune finishes.

“What I understand is that you and the board are all just afraid of a power that you can’t control,” Felix can’t hold back the snarl from his voice.

“No, Mr. Westwell. It’s the power that you can’t control that is the concern.”

“I control my powers just fine,” Felix swears the edges of his vision tinge with red. He did not work so hard to become what he is now, just to be told by some pompous desk-warmer that his powers are out of control. He’s about to say more when Dr. Brune flops a file down on the center of his desk, flipping it open and adjusting his glasses once more.

“15 classmates sent to the infirmary, Damage to 3 historic buildings around campus, requiring repairs, and 5 visits to my office. All happening within this semester, mind you. You’re noted as being incredibly short tempered and quick to use your power as an intimidation tactic. Son,” he takes his glasses off, tossing them down on the open folder, “the Mundanes don’t take too kindly to supers that they perceive as threats. In fact, they already see most supers as threats anyway. It’s my job to ensure that the students graduating from this school aren’t going to go out there and become problems for the Mundane world. I cannot, in good conscience, let you continue on the path you’re on. The decision is final. We have your paperwork to send over. Once you graduate from Bayshear, if there is a moderate change in your behavior, Rosehill will gladly consider you for our graduate program, if you choose to continue your education. And, of course, we are willing to re-evaluate this decision going into your senior year if there is a remarkable change. Consider this your wake-up call, not the end of the line. Though, it is important that you understand, this will be your final chance.”

After he’s dismissed, Felix grips the manilla envelope in shaking hands as he numbly walks himself out of Academic Hall. Everything he’s worked for, pulling himself up from nothing, clawing his way to the top and fighting to stay there. What was all of that for? Just like everything else he’s ever had it’s just been ripped away from him in the blink of an eye.

This is it then. This is the day his life ends.

---

Two years of community college, two years of scholarship essays and grant applications, two years of countless rejections. But this time, this is her time. She can feel it. She grips the envelope in shaking hands, adrenaline skyrocketing her pulse.

She takes a deep breath.

Please.

She tears the letter open, unfolding it and quickly pressing it to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut.

Please, please, please, please, please.

As if her wishful thinking could somehow alter whatever is written on the page.

“Stop stalling and just read it already!” She whispers harshly to herself to read the page.

Ms. Charlotte Beauxregard,

Congratulations!

On behalf of Dr. Bailey Vargus, President of Bayshear University, we are excited to inform you that you have been selected as a Bayshear Presidential Scholar. Please allow us to express our sincerest hope that you will join our Community, and become a Brilliant Bear.

Go Bears!

Tears stream down her cheeks, the shaking in her hands becoming uncontrollable. She leaps off her bed, and swings open the door. Her brother Marshall was hovering nearby in the hallway, no doubt waiting to hear the news. He jumps when he sees her.

“You didn’t get it?” Marshall asks. “Char, it’s okay. Maybe the next one—”

“No,” Charlotte gasps, “Mars, No, no.”

“Don’t get all pessimistic, so what—”

“Look!” Charlotte shoves the letter towards him, he scans the letter quickly, a beaming grin spreading across his face.

“You got it! Congratulations!” Mars ends up tackling Charlotte with the biggest hug of her life.

The evening is a blur of phone calls to everyone she knows, and happy tears. She has so much to do. She needs to pack, she needs to apply for a job on campus, she doesn’t have classes yet, but she already needs to be studying.

This is it then! This is the day her life begins.

#g/t #g/t writing #my writing #charlie and felix

15 notes · View notes

wolven91 · 11 months

Text

Hard & Soft

Graticus unlocked her front door and stepped inside as the door swept to the side. It was another fine day of being ‘security’ for the station with minimal issues. It wasn’t as busy as a station in taurian space, but in the shared or contested territories, depending on who you asked, there was enough to keep one busy.

Hell, when the ursidain in the marketplace had overstepped and started to wreck a stall in a tantrum, she even got to suplex the overgrown fat blob for a change. It was a far cry from her old career, but she enjoyed the little things. Like smacking around someone that deserved it. A good day all in all, she could ride this high all week.

"Pumpkin? I'm home!" She called out to her partner, a human, Don, someone she had known for several years now and who would be home by this time. A quiet sniff and a clearing of a throat before she heard a reply. She placed her toolbelt next to Don’s phone on the table near the door.

"Hey beautiful, I'm in the lounge." Came his light tone from within, although something was… off.

She pulled the scrunchie from her brown curly locks and slipped it down one of her horns to keep it safe in a smooth, practised move as she tromped deeper into their home. She frowned as she realised that she was hearing a wobble in her partner's voice.

Stepping into the front room she found her mate sat on the sofa with a game console controller in his lap.

"What have you been up to since you've got back?" She enquired with a soft smile, sharp teeth flashing. Graticus knew that humans were slippery. If you asked a direct question they'd clam up and no amount of prying would get the problem out. They may be one of the smaller of the known sentients, but they were far more resilient than many others. They’d shoulder any burdens they experienced on their own until they were eventually crushed.

She had to be careful about sniffing out why she could sense something was troubling him. She’d known him too long, had been through too much together for him to be able to hide his feelings from her. Even when he tried.

"Oh just messing around on the game." He said offhandedly. She glanced at the screen, then to the controller resting in his lap.

"Is that why you've been still long enough for the controller to go to sleep?" She asked in a firm, yet mildly accusatory tone, a fist rose and rested against her hip as she quirked an eyebrow down at him. She had only ever wanted what was best for him. And he, her, but he always seemed to put himself second. Those damned resilience and self imposed standards.

Unacceptable to Graticus.

It was her job to protect her partner, it was more than just tradition for taurians, it was a comment on her abilities.

"Oh, no.. I've been messing around on my phone." He lied. She get a quiet snort to herself, she hated people lying to her. Even her Don.

"Mm, the one that's still on the sideboard near the front door?" She confronted.

He went silent. Dammit. She sighed and nodded, deciding how to help.

She walked back around to the rear of the sofa to a trunk that crouched there and retrieved a heavy, fluffy blanket. He was craning his neck round to watch her and realised her plan. He immediately tried to placate her as she walked back around to the front carrying the massive bundle. Graticus, both in her career as a security guard and as an ‘independent’ before, had no problem in taking her own actions to solve problems, Don wasn’t going to be able to talk his way out now.

"I'm fine, honestly, there's no need to-"

Putting an arm thicker than his torso around his waist and bodily lifting him into the air, she placed him over her shoulder, on top of the blanket. With her other arm she arranged the cushions that decorated the sofa to create a little nest for them both. His squirming did nothing to escape her grip.

She laid down in the centre of the pillows lengthwise across the sofa, arranging her little Human so he fell against her front. Finally she flicked the heavy blanket, more of a weighted blanket to her mate's perspective, but it floated down to cover them both.

Curling her massive arms around him, she dragged him into her chest and squeezed him. She finally let out a rumbling, deep sigh of contentment. Although her favourite part of the day was laying down with Don, this was for him, to send a message that his resistance would not outlast his passive adorable-ness that drove her to protect and cherish him. She would lay here, holding him against herself, stroking his hair, until he opened up to what was bothering him.

His taurian would chase him down relentlessly until he relented. Time didn't matter. She wasn't paying attention to how long it took for him to begin speaking, but when he did there was that wobble again.

"A customer had a go at me at work again today. I know I shouldn't pay attention to it, they're annoyed at the business not me, but I'm really trying and I just... it gets to me sometimes..."

Her past bubbled immediately back up to the surface, her claws extended and a short, sharp snort burst from her nostrils.

"I will break them in two. Who was it?" She demanded, being deadly serious.

"I don't know, just a customer. It doesn't matter." Shaking his head as he lay across her.

A minute or two passed as the pair settled and the stress of the day bled away.

"...do you remember what they looked like?" The human immediately sighed dramatically.

"Graticus, I'm not going to help you hunt down one rude customer. As much as that would be quite nice..." he explained with a chuckle as he buried himself deeper into the blanket.

There's that little bloodthirsty streak; he can pretend he's a helpless babe all he wants, she knew he always had a quiet danger floating just under the surface. It was always fun watching humans with a grudge. That resilience would come back in the form of a long, patient memory.

Graticus reminisced about their meeting. As she did, she went back to running a hand up and down his back using the short sickle-shaped claws to graze his skin as she placed her chin on top of his head.

A silence followed as he believed she had dropped the subject.

"What time did they leave the shop?"

"What? Why?"

"There are cameras along that promenade." She stated firmly.

#conservationverse #cuddleverse #human #taurian #Graticus #Don

85 notes · View notes

madarasgirl · 1 year

Text

Madara Headcanon

18+ MINORS DNI. This post is NSFW. And if the topics of pregnancy/period/anal sex offend you, please skip over this post NOW.

I love Madara headcanons, fanfics, scenarios, smut, meta analyses, fanart, and everything else to do with Madara. Been binging content the past months, but haven’t seen much on certain topics –likely because most people aren’t as degenerate as me? So I decided to write my own headcanons about Madara and an S/O who’s interested in pregnancy sex, period sex, and anal sex! Hope you enjoy.

Pregnancy sex

Madara is a traditional man at heart and can be a bit of a prude. While most sexual interests don’t bother him, the moment there’s potential for truly hurting a loved one, he’ll clam up. Pregnancy sex is where he’d think “Who does that?” in the most judgmental old man way possible. So Daddy Madara would need much convincing to participate.

In my mind, Madara would only father a child with a woman whom he already cares about greatly. He loves his woman and unborn child, is overprotective to hell and it would KILL him if he hurt his love and/or baby in any way. It doesn’t matter how pent up or needy he/she is, he’d push her off and tell her to behave. He’s soft with his pregnant partner (I’d like to think she’d also be his wife), so he wouldn’t tease her as much as he usually does when she gets this way. He’d distract her with (PG) activities she enjoys, take care of her, cooking her favourite meals and catering to her strange food cravings, massage her feet… which are fine wholesome activities, but not what she NEEDS!

Eventually the baby mama snaps at the poor Madara, who’s trying to do his best for his small family. She shows him evidence from literature and has permission from the doctor, informing him that it’s medically SAFE to have sex since theirs is a low-risk pregnancy. STILL, Daddy Maddy refuses her, citing his brute strength and the unacceptable possibility of hurting her or their baby. He’s also angry at this point, so the household would turn tense for a while with these two stubborn mules running it.

Madara may be frustrated (in more ways than one), but he’s unable to stay angry with his S/O forever. Her unhappiness distresses him and he slowly softens up again with her. He’s gone over the medical evidence that it’s okay to do the deed during the period when they were at odds with each other. Logically, he now knows it’s safe to do in their situation, but it still makes him uncomfortable. However, Madara ultimately wants whatever makes the S/O happy, as long as she (and baby) are safe.

The first time they have pregnancy sex is so beautiful. It’s been a long time for both of them. Madara would be so tender, ensuring he doesn’t put his weight on her, keeps his grasp gentle, and is fully in tune with how she is feeling. Though he’s feeling needy too, his queen’s needs are always placed before his own. He makes sure she knows they can stop at any time and that she’ll tell him if anything he’s doing is too much. It’d be like getting to know one another all over again.

When it later becomes clear the baby isn’t going to “fall out” and nothing bad passes, Madara would wonder why they didn’t do this earlier.

(They are responsible parents and stop having sex weeks before the due date)

Period Sex

Doesn’t bother Madara much at all. Blood? What’s the problem? At first he didn’t like the sight of blood leaving his S/O’s body, but he knows it’s a biological function and she’s not in pain nor injured. In fact, the orgasms he pulls from her body relaxes her and eases her symptoms, so he comes to enjoy it too. The blood getting all over the place isn’t cause for too much concern for Madara, who believes they can get most of it off without their house ending up looking like a murder scene. What they can’t adequately clean off, Madara will get replaced, whether it’s linens or even furniture. Madara just isn’t bothered by those sorts of things. The S/O however, is a bit more sensible and prefers the bloody murder sex on her heaviest days in the shower.

I can even see Madara and S/O taking a bath together while she’s on her period, the heat easing her cramps and mood more, bloody bath water be damned.

Anal Sex- also fem S/O here

So I don’t actually think Madara is a total prude. I think Madara would be open to anal sex if the S/O is interested. It wouldn’t be his first choice, but it’d be a nice bit of variety to change things up occasionally. He still prefers the pussy, since he has a breeding kink after all.

Madara would be generous with the prep and lube, the king of patience taking his time to loosen up the rear to accommodate his girth. Agonizingly slowly, he slips it in, inch by inch, until his hips are seated against hers. Her jaws drop. “It’s HUGE!” Madara laughs, telling her she’s had it before. Despite feeling the stretch and the sensation of being stuffed FULL, there was no real pain. He stays in place for as long as needed for her to get accustomed to the foreign sensation.

Madara picks up the pace over time. The view of her back exposed to him, completely vulnerable and trusting, her TIGHT HEAT surrounding his length, the notion that their activity is taboo… the moment has him undone. Madara wants to rut. He pounds the S/O with her ass up into the mattress to the music of her delighted screams.

His baritone gets even lower while he chuckles, “Is this what you wanted? To be on your hands and knees taking it like a dog? Such a naughty girl. Heh. NOW you’re embarrassed?” He taunts her and keeps his thrusts deep, stroking her back until she turns her head to peer up at her man, eyes unfocused yet filled with trust and devotion. Without even knowing it, Madara had his Sharingan activated, immortalizing this moment in his memory forever as he pushes in deep and fills her with his essence, determined to claim ALL of his lover.

_________________________________

Wow that turned out much longer than I anticipated, but I couldn’t stop. My first real post and still trying to figure out this platform works. Hope you enjoyed my word vomit!

#madara uchiha #uchiha madara #madara #madara headcanons #i am dirty so what #madara smut #madara is so hot

149 notes · View notes

q-gorgeous · 1 year

Text

If Only There Was Someone That Loved You

fanfiction

ao3

word count: 1607

Danny decides to try to get Wes to stop trying to out him as Phantom by making Wes fall in love with him, thinking that Wes won't want his boyfriend to be caught and potentially dissected. How well this works is up to the writer @raaorqtpbpdy

hehehoohoo

This wasn’t what he meant to happen.

It had all started out as a simple plan, really. All he had to do was woo Wes, make him fall in love with him. Maybe then he wouldn’t keep trying to out Danny. He’d want to protect his boyfriend. He’d gotten a bit too close lately and Danny was running out of ways to keep Wes at bay. He tried deleting pictures, breaking cameras, playing into the joke. But he could tell that Wes was finally starting to break people. Whenever he walked the hallways people would whisper.

Do you think it’s really true?

How could it be? Fenton, a ghost? That’s not possible.

Who knows what his parents do in that basement. Maybe his parents did something to him.

He had to get Wes to stop telling people he was Phantom. And he was out of options. He had even threatened his life! That didn’t even work. All Wes had said was that Danny didn’t have the guts for it.

Danny stared at him from across the hallway. He really didn’t want to do this. But he didn’t think he had any other choices anymore. He took a deep breath and strode across the hallway. Leaning his arm high up against the lockers, Danny leaned forward and flashed a smile at Wes.

“Hi, how you doin’?” Danny smiled at him.

“What do you want, Fenton?” Wes asked him, not even bothering him a glance.

“Okay, that’s not your style how about,” Danny paused. Looking down, he said, “you’ve left me no choice, here comes the smolder.” He looked back up at Wes, trying his best to embody Flynn Rider’s persona.

“What are you doing?” Wes finally slammed his locker shut and turned to look at Danny.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Danny asked, fluttering his eyes. “I’m trying my best to woo you. To win you over. You’ve captured my heart and I’ve come to tell you how I really feel.”

Wes rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right, Fenton. Last I heard from Sam is that you hate my guts.”

“That was just the internalized homophobia speaking.” Danny said dramatically. “I’ve changed, I’ve realized that I was masking my feelings for you with anger and hostility, and it made me think, maybe you were too. That we’re just victims of our unaccepting world.”

Wes stared at him. He seemed to be contemplating something. His expression resolved. “Okay, Fenton. If you really like me like you say you do, take me out to the movies.”

Danny’s eyes widened. Did that really work?

“Yeah! The movies.” Danny smiled. “Let’s go to the movies. How about Saturday?”

Wes smiled at him. “It’s a date.”

Danny smiled back. “A date.”

-----

“A date?” Sam stared at Danny in confusion. “You’re going on a date with Wes? Why? I thought you hated him.”

“I do.” Danny held a shirt up to himself as he faced the mirror in his room. He threw it down and picked up another one. “This is just my new plan to get him to stop trying to out me. It’d be bad to want your boyfriend exposed right?”

“If this is just another scheme to get him to stop then why are you getting so worked up over this date? It’s not even real.”

“I’m not getting worked up over it!” Danny frowned at her.

“You’ve looked at eight different shirts and haven’t decided on a single one to wear.”

Danny blushed. “If I’m gonna do this I have to go all in, right?”

“What are you going to do if this doesn’t work out? What if you break up with him later? Wouldn’t that be even more fuel for him to expose you? Wes seems like he’d be the crazy kind of ex.”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead but it’ll be fine.” He held his chin in his hand as he stared at the shirts strewn across his bed.

“Danny.” Sam stood up and crossed the room towards him. “I want to make sure you know what you’re doing. It’s not nice to lead people on and play with their feelings. What if he actually starts liking you?”

Danny shook his head. “That’s the plan.”

“Okay.” She looked at the shirts on his bed. “What if you start liking him?”

“What?” Danny shot her a look. “That won’t happen. What makes you say that?”

She sighed. Crossing the room, she sat back down in his desk chair. “When something goes wrong, I’ll say I told you so.”

“Fine, but it’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say.”

-----

Danny stood outside the movie theater fidgeting with his shirt. Sam was wrong, he wasn’t nervous.

Time ticked ever closer to the start of the movie and he wondered if maybe Wes wasn’t coming. That he had just been messing with him that day at school. That he had called Danny’s bluff, realized what he was trying to do.

He was just about to turn around and head in to watch the movie by himself when a car pulled into the parking lot.

It parked and turned off. The door opened and out came Wes. He slammed the door shut and smiled at Danny.

“Ready for our date?”

Danny flashed him a pair of finger guns. “You bet I am.”

As they walked inside Danny shook his hands out. Why did he do that?

They walked up to the counter and bought their tickets, snacks, and drinks. Once they had everything they headed to their theater.

They sat down right as the last ad was playing. Soon the sound of the newest Terminatra movie was playing through the speakers.

He was so engrossed in the film. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from the screen.

As he swallowed another mouthful of popcorn, he felt around for his cup without looking. But instead of his cup, his hand brushed Wes’s.

He jumped a little and pulled his hand back from Wes’s without taking a drink of his soda. After a few moments he felt as Wes’s hand fumbled around before finding his hand in the dark. Wes gave a little squeeze and butterflies erupted in Danny's stomach.

Sam’s words repeated themselves in his head and his stomach dropped.

Oh no.

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.

He couldn’t like Weston. Not for real! How did this even manage to happen?

The butterflies kept going as Wes rubbed a thumb over the back of his hand.

This was okay. This was fine. If it actually made the plan work, then that was good then right? And this way he wouldn’t be playing with anyone’s feelings.

No one would get hurt.

-----

Danny and Wes had officially been dating for two months now. Today was their two month anniversary. He wanted to do something special for Wes.

He took his time setting up the picnic in the secluded part of the park they would meet in. He was setting down the last flickering candle when he heard the approaching footsteps. He looked up and standing on the edge of the clearing was Wes.

“Hi, Wes!” Danny said excitedly. He stood up and made his way over to Wes and gave him a hug.

Wes patted him on the back and pulled away. “Wow, you sure went all out. You didn’t have to do this.”

Danny grabbed Wes’s hand and pulled him over to the blanket. “I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I wanted to celebrate how far we’ve come and how glad I am to have asked you out.”

“Technically it was me that asked you out, not the other way around.”

Danny chuckled. “Okay, yeah. But still! I couldn’t be happier about the way this had turned out.”

He turned to the cooler he put off to the side and grabbed two cups. He filled them with ice and set them on the ground in front of Wes. He turned back to the cooler and started pulling their food out and found the sparkling juice underneath it all.

“It’s not actual wine, but it’ll do.”

Danny poured the juice into each of their glasses. He set the bottle back down and picked up his cup.

“To us.” He clinked his glass against Wes’s and took a long drink of his juice.

Danny passed Wes his bowls of food and they sat eating and talking for a bit. Fifteen minutes had gone by and Danny was mesmerized by the way the candlelight flickered across Wes’s face. He picked his glass back up.

“I love you.”

Suddenly, something was wrong.

Danny’s glass slipped from his hand. The juice spilled across the blanket they were sitting on. Danny’s head began to feel heavy. He was becoming drowsy. He fell backwards on the blanket and heard Wes chuckle.

“Oh, Danny. If only there was someone that loved you.”

He blinked slowly at Wes. He was leaning over him, a manic smile on his face.

“Wha… what?” Danny slurred.

“Your little trick didn’t work, ghost boy.” Wes bopped him on the nose. “I’ve won.”

Danny was starting to fade out, the world turning black.

He could only imagine the whispers people would hear inside the school once everyone found out what happened.

Did you hear? Wes was right about Danny.

I heard he really was a dangerous ghost. How did we go so long without realizing?

If only we had realized sooner.

I told you so.

The last thing Danny heard was the faint rings coming from Wes’s phone and the words he spoke to the person on the other side of the call.

“Hello, Agent O. I’ve got Phantom.”

#gorgi writes #danny phantom #phic phight 2023 #danny fenton #wes weston #sam manson #unidentified flying ship #fanfiction

109 notes · View notes

gremlintrash · 10 months

Note

Ok but why is there always a reason. When it's about macro all of a sudden it's oh why should I care about the sob story of some bihettie who couldn't ever live through a day of real homophobia. When it's ppl like inosa or swagy or radgoose or countless others getting told disgusting things like that their bfs should kill them, it's laughed off too and it's like oh go back to your hettie world if you're so mad. When it's about catboy it's like oh why should I care if we make fun of the SA of some moid thats praxis actually. When it was ppl saying bi women are just like tims and they're weaponizing their rape it's oh why can't you bihets learn to read none of that matters. When there was a big burst of a bunch of people getting openly attacked by "blackpills" it was oh this is just so online why are the bihetties playing the victim. These ppl are just coming out to advance the position that they won't go after you no matter what you say about bihets. Like the refusal to condemn anything at all unambiguously is very much the point.

Honestly, I've come to the conclusion that people these days (esp young people) are not any more progressive than other generations... I honestly think their politics and values are possibly more conservative than 10-20 years ago - these are just my feelings as a low income bisexual woman who is pretty white passing but I've had friends of other races (esp older friends in their 30s-40s) talk about how they feel the same thing in regards to how ppl are regarding race now and there's tons of posts circulating about how people are more homophobic than 10-20 years ago and we just lost roe v wade, income disparity is worse and social services are cut, etc etc etc

I feel like people such as you described above are highly individualistic and don't really have principles in the traditional way like "x behavior is bad" like if we use examples specific to the recent state of radblr re: the treatment of bisexual users, they don't think that homophobia and misogyny are unacceptable behaviors, they think its perfectly fine to leverage homophobia and misogyny against groups they see as "other" and don't identity with in some way. There's always a reason why the people I have marked as "other" deserve their mistreatment and why my own actions and the actions of people belonging to the group I identify with are excused from scrutiny.

A lot of the time in spite of how they call themselves "radical" (feminist or leftist or whatever) they express behaviors and ideals which are sooo extremely in line with the cultural norm for treating people of marginalized groups.

Examples relevant to this convo: Gay and bi women talking about how they "don't fuck with" bi women because they are untrustworthy and flaky partners and "most of them are basically straight and will end up with men anyway" so they don't need LGB community support

Also, determining that a woman's intimate relationships overshadow all of her other actions, and feeling entitled to information about a woman's sexuality to determine how valid you think her words are and how much support from her community she deserves.

Also, telling a victim of sexual assault and homphobia his problems arent real and he should be quiet about them.

Also, you can't trust women with partners and especially children to take part in feminism because they're going to by default center their lives around their male partners and children, so they're going to at best half-ass things and probably just decide to focus on their families instead anyway, may as well exclude them and write them off.

But its okay because the women in the first example were gay and bi, even though they're saying the same things straight men say about bi women. The second example is okay because it's statements and demands made by other women a lot of whom are gay and bi, not men or gossip rags. The third example is okay because it's gay/bi women speaking to a man. The last example is okay because it's said by other women who call themselves feminists, and not a sexist boss, even if they have the same way of thinking and similar actions with similar results.

And on one hand I get it, these people are trying to pass along their own hurt a lot of the time and they are usually legitimately telling themselves and each other that they aren't doing anything worse than maybe hurting the feelings of individual strangers. But they're adults who are behaving in unacceptable ways, and honestly some behavior should just be unacceptable, like... we should be kind to each other if we want people to be kind to us. Beyond that though, the concept of "punching up" has rotted people's brains and is ruining our community solidarity, is honestly a huge class consciousness issue, and they are doing more tangible harm than they're admitting to themselves.

I see this way of thinking as way more of an obstacle for dismantling these power structures than activists being imperfect in their personal decisions. Like, structural opression does not exist in a vacuum and spring forth from nothing, it requires a culture mindset to continue. Like, the whole deal with structural opression is that the opressed groups "deserve" their structural oppression in some way like it's always "justified". While the power structures/axes of opression/classes DO serve social and economic functions, human beings are emotional beings and most people aren't evil, to get social animals to hurt each other you have to socialize them to do so... like as feminists I think we know that at least.

"It doesn't matter if you shave because you prefer it, it perpetuates the expectation for women to remove their body hair and you are indirectly socializing other women as part of society" but then, if you have a good reason you can excuse homophobia or misogyny and suddenly it doesn't contribute to any larger power structures or the socialization of those in your communities?

If you have conditions in which you support homophobic or misogynistic (or racist and so on) behavior then first of all, you're perpetuating the cultural mindset and socialization that allow the abusive power structures to exist in the first place which beings me to my second point... it will lead to them being used against you by people who deem YOU as "other" at some point, unless you're the most privileged person on earth and there's no axis of oppression someone could decide to flip on you if they feel you deserve it and we all just keep crabs-in-a-bucketing each other

It's in our own best interests to treat each other as well as possible, that is my belief. Anything else is cutting off the nose to spite the face, who benefits?

#ik your point was more targeted but ive been thinking about this a lot lately #and imo it applies to the homophobia towarda lesbians on radblr and the racism as well #and like i said its pretty much the same outaide as well which is why it makes me roll my eyes when they fixate so much on being “radical”#if anyone reads all of this ily lets get married #txt #i also think everyone is like this now for psyop reasons but im being so normal rn #like it's just convenient isn't it

43 notes · View notes

tozettastone · 19 days

Text

(This post contains non-graphic references to child sexual abuse.)

So okay, last year, when the eSafety commissioner was all like "hey so twitter failed to answer Australia's questions about how they meet the basic online safety expectations in relation to child sexual exploitation and abuse material and activity and we are going to try to fine them $610,500 for non-compliance," I deleted my remaining twitter account.

Now, to be clear, a number of big tech companies didn't come out of this process looking great. For some, the eSafety commissioner said there were gaps in their processes. For others, like Google, they said the answers to the questions in the notice were too vague and issued a formal warning.

However, Twitter just straight up did not answer several of the questions, "including the time it takes the platform to respond to reports of child sexual exploitation; the measures it has in place to detect child sexual exploitation in livestreams; and the tools and technologies it uses to detect child sexual exploitation material." [X]

Up until then I kept an empty twitter account for checking up on public posts. (Even after I decided I didn't want to actually spend time talking on twitter... I'm like a cat who likes to be tall to see what's going on!) But after learning about this, I felt uneasy about using the platform. I determined that, regardless of what cool art or conversations were going on over there that I wanted to view, I personally didn't want to use and tacitly endorse a platform that refused to respond to requests for basic information like this.

So I got rid of twitter. The end. (For me, at least. You can do what you want.)

But in context I find this interesting, because this is the first AO3 donations drive season I've seen since that happened, right?

So now I actually have a pretty clear idea of what an average guy (me!) does when they discover a platform they use has an unacceptably lax policy around CSEM content.

Listen, I'm not a moral pillar of my community. Something I learned about a platform made me uncomfortable and I stopped using it. That's barely even a moral stance. But what it tells me is that if people genuinely believed that AO3 was intentionally lax towards absolutely, truly morally unacceptable content (whatever that is, by their own personal reasoning), they'd be outta there like they were fired from a fucking cannon.

#乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏ #tozette.txt

11 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

im-fucking-happy

"Happiness"

brokenworddiary

broken word diary

katy-l1988

Katy-art

barbiebrainrot

Wlw Barbie Truther

localturnon