#writing an abstract was painful

[earlgrey24]

I'd love to hear about your thesis topic (if you're not already sick to death of talking about it 😂)!

Aa, thank you for reaching out, it's so nice of you to ask!!

I'm definitely not sick of talking about it yet! I suspect that it may be the other way around and people around me are starting to get sick of hearing about it 😅

The topic is broadly a mental health disorder which supposedly plagued early 18th century Britain interpreted through a philosophical lens.

More specifically, there was this physician and philosopher called Bernard de Mandeville, who was one of those people who had thoughts on absolutely every topic imaginable, spanning from economical and social theory to medicine (he was also a huge classics nerd but with people in the 1700s, that probably goes without saying).

Supposedly to gain more patients for his practice, he wrote this wonderfully weird medical treatise on how to deal with hypochondria (the name can be misleading, but back then it referred to an unspecified mental health issue close to our current understanding of depression). It is written in a form of a dialogue between a doctor and a patient, and it discusses various symptoms of the disease as well as practical advice on how to treat it (including some great wine recommendations and seemingly endless quotes from Horace and Ovid for some reason).

One thing that particularly fascinates me about the text is that it shows a kind of proto-therapeutic approach to the treatment of mental health issues and it places a lot of emphasis on the developing relationship between the doctor and the patient. The wife of the hypochondriac who suffers from the same illness as her husband is also present, so at times, I'm attempting to go for a slightly feminist angle (Mandeville was not exactly a feminist but some of his ideas about gender were genuinely progressive for a guy writing in the early 1700s).

I'm writing it under the philosophy department, so I sadly had to minimise the historical context in my actual writing. I did research it however! A lot has been said about how hypochondria characterised British people specifically and how an increasingly easy and comfortable life of the upper-middle class may have paradoxically contributed to it. It's also been linked to philosophers/men of letters since it seemed to have affected this group of people in particular (perhaps most famously David Hume who is my supervisor's number one guy).

The result I ended up with is a bit chaotic, but I genuinely had a ton of fun researching the topic! I got a chance to engage in one of my most favourite things in the world, which I guess could be called amateur psychoanalysis of people from the 18th century.

I've also argued by the end that it is useful to study early modern texts (and by extension all historical texts) since it helps us to see which aspects of the human experience remain unchanged over time. (Spoiler: although wine is no longer recommended as a cure, we don't differ that much from people living three centuries ago in all of the important ways. Most notably, we all need positive interactions with others for our mental well-being and to some extent, we all crave others' approval).

Actually getting it printed soon — then it's just anxiously awaiting feedback and then onto the defense.

Hope my answer is not too long or incoherent and thanks again for asking!

#thesis #thesis era #asks #✨ #I can't write concisely I swear #writing an abstract was painful #philosophy #1700s

[depression-stays-but-you-dont]

#art #vent art #love #painful #digital art #vent #poetry #writing #depression #anxiety #broken #pain #flame #phone doodles #digital painting #digital abstract

[starlightshore]

Thanks for the Measured Response™. Unfortunately the character limit doesn't allow for much nuance in asks. My issue isn't so much with the character's actions as the way their conflict is framed. It always feels like we're supposed to judge Asriel way harsher - for ghosting the person responsible for their trauma - than Chara, who is actively trying to hurt them. I know you don't want to trivialize abuse, but the story still botches the subject pretty badly. Still, good luck with the rewrite.

(sighs) please anon, while I do appreciate the effort to acknowledge the lack of nuance in the previous ask, I would much rather you approach me more reasonably. I don't appreciate you coming to me, a complete stranger to both of us, with this attitude of already guilty. can you please learn to talk to people more reasonably? like, I'm living my life out here and you come and accuse me in a really rude way of promoting abuse or whatever the far-fetched conclusion that ask could come across as.

I am more than happy to accept fault over my writing and do my best to improve, but I want to do so on friendly, acceptable terms. please withhold condemnation and explain how and why you feel the story was mishandled. You do so really nicely in the second ask and I appreciate that.

Ultimately, regardless of my intent, my story didn't convey the message and that's, at the very least, mostly my fault. I can try to explain why I'd argue I didn't fuck up as badly as you paint me as, but I will accept that the story I wrote was not emotionally paced well made it weigh more towards cruelty without the hope and understanding I wanted the story to be read as.

I want to stress that I take abuse deadly seriously. I'm a victim of emotional abuse myself and this is something I am desperate to portray in all of its ugly, dirty detail and I want to do it without hurting people. I obviously failed when I first wrote this and I want to say thank you for coming to me about it, even if I feel there is still some friction here I want to express that gratitude. But also please be aware of how you approach people. (referring to the OG ask here).

Anyway

i wanna defend myself here a little and say I think you're missing the bigger picture of the framing of that scene. I feel you forgot the context of that scene and where it's placed in the story. It's this post.

Previously, that entire chapter had Chara idolizing the Asriel they knew as a child. Their timetravel ability being removed meant they longed for that power to control the narrative and live in the past. its like, metaphorical shit for how when growing up its hard to move on from the past and accept that you're aging.

That scene was the point where Chara realized that Asriel wasn't perfect -and has never been. The story is framed by Chara's POV exclusively and navigates Chara's feelings about their separation from Asriel. The "abuse" of that scene is the feeling of an older sibling telling them to "fuck off" and "stop acting like a victim" which are like... like devoid of the context of Asriel's perspective (which we didn't have at this point in the story) is a very hurtful and emotionally damaging thing to say to someone. I can see how someone reading that, who could have been through a similar situation, would react very badly to seeing that in the comic. Thus the content warning. I honestly don't know if "abuse" is the right word here, but what is someone going to have blacklisted for this? Like I said, my goal is to avoid hurting so I'm not going to not tag it. It's an issue of vocabulary vs. accessibility. I still wouldn't know what to tag this tbh.

the overall narrative of the comic is that Chara's perspective of Asriel was holding themself back. they were wallowing over a perfect picture that never existed -which reflected how they hate themselves for not living up to the perfect angelic ideal that they obviously could never have lived up to.

Chara condemning Asriel for being Flowey and being a jerk is the first step towards chara acknowledging their own blame in the equation. pretending the problem doesn't exist and that you're inherently awful doesn't fix things. Immediately after tossing out Flowey, they realize they are a flower as well. (literally becoming the thing they just condemned Asriel)

Once The two reconcile with the help of Actual Adults in the situation, the story changes POV to Asriel. It's then we're given context to Asriel's perspective and to show, that yeah, both of them Suck as people. That both are capable of majorly fucking up. And that's because the tools they're given a life of trauma and being reborn into a world that doesn't understand your damage is in itself traumatizing.

so idk man. the framework here serves a purpose and while I plan on showing a more nuanced and balanced pace -I really need to show the characters having more things going on than their larger conflict + be happier with each other. (the problem with writing for an askblog is that its very reactive and its easier to lean into tension and relationship drama than focus on the lighter but necessary moments. I know for sure the redraw will be better at this)

But yeah the framework, as it stands, feels good to me. Maybe in the details of how it's shown I'll be able to handle the nuances more gracefully but with the larger goal in mind, I'm not sure how I can change that? I would really love to hear your thoughts on that.

#personal stuff #sams replies #uhhh man irony about a post discussing tagging but do i tag this as #negative #because there's some harsh criticism and feelings in here on both ends so #idk really #i gotta say idk how i feel about tumblr being the method we discuss this as honestly i feel this kinda conversation would be better suited #in DMS. because I don't want this to be a public topic because its very clearly a personal one for both us #i DON'T like discussing abuse so casually... its honestly a painful topic. in the abstract like this its not too bad but its defs not ideal #i'll grant you the need for anonymity tho so i don't mind but i'd prefer we talked privately somehow? eugh. hate writing long posts #i hate how i feel like i gotta word vomit to get my point across without being misunderstood its the woooorst #long post

[deweyedlikethedoes]

january victim

odd days in a month,

turned into one solid year of

hard taught lessons.

lonesome moments

where i would’ve just liked to disappear.

and now the year comes to a close.

violate me, january victim,

all my life I've wasted for this.

i reached deep down in me,

and what i found surprised me:

it was time to ache,

it was time to sow,

it was time to expand,

and it was time to let go.

for all that occurred was for a season,

to open eyes

and uncloak treasons.

so take heart

and move on forward.

keep dipping deeper,

for wisdom will be steeper.

#spilled ink #abstract poetry #emotional poetry #poem #poetry #language #poets on tumblr #dark poetry #whisper girl #original writing #original poem #female writers #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writers on tumblr #new year #january #new beginnings #pain

[bloodontongue]

I have not stopped thinking about Hozier’s Abstract (Psychopomp) from Unreal Unearth, and decided to write about how this song makes me feel. So here’s a little something.

—————————————————————

It stared at the odd creature on its hind legs moving closer, what it could not know as hands outreached, closer, towards its limp body - the moonlight above, a halo shone as it closed its eyes.

—

As I reached forward with trembling hands into the dark illuminated only by the soft glow of the moon above, I noticed its soft pleading eyes almost glistening with the tears I had caused, a pain I could only hope to end mercifully.

And in those eyes I saw my own life like a mirror shattered on the ground. I saw my hands over my face as I weeped for the life I have always wanted, and for the life my parents deserved. I am walking hand in hand with my mother as she tries to give her child something to be excited about. My father’s hands are out and is struggling to stay afloat. The cruel world takes everything, it leaves you begging and a silent prayer is casted in the hopes that others will answer. They both survive and cling on to that hope, that I will grow to never face the harshness they had endured. Who am I to deny them an existence that is free from the cruel reality of the world, even if it means being trapped in moments that was not my own doing to begin with?

In those eyes I saw lips on my own. Hands intertwined in secret, bodies pressing and tears I would shed for months to come in hopes that the words will finally escape your mouth again. The pain that turned to anger has now diminished from my mind, as I look back into those moments of shared proximity and spaces from a distance I cannot understand to be my own. I cling to memories that shone and try to not detach my soul from something that shaped me into who I am. I am content with being grateful of the experience, and yet struggle to understand how two hands that fit well into one another can now feel like a speck of dust blown away by the wind.

In those eyes I see my whole life before me. I am stuck in moments I cannot relive. Beautiful moments I cannot remember and terrible ones I struggle to forget. Memories that hurt and healed, come flooding through my head as I kneel on the tarred road, soaking wet. The light from the moon still shines and whispers an embrace of comfort that gives me the strength to carry it off the ground. A new light blinds and my ears are filled with the threat of my life being taken away from me. I have so much to live for and once this memory ceases to matter, it will come again in pieces to remind me of why I needed to live like it didn’t. I choose to not let it suffer anymore and lay it on the side of the road, away from harm and away from the world. I wipe my tears with the sleeves of my bloodstained sweater as I watch it from my mirror. It finally closes its eyes, closed and finally free from this cruel world.

—

“Where am I?”

“You are with me now. Let me guide you. Come, come and see how it shines”

“But, I have to go home. They are waiting”

“I know, but it is time”

“No. I still have so much to live for. So much to see. To do. To give. It cannot be time, it’s too soon”

“It always is, dear one”.

#hozier #hozierinspired #idkwhattotag #short writing #unrealunearth #unreal unearth #abstract (psychopomp) #ownwork #inspired by hozier #pain #andrew hozier byrne #this song mentally fucks me up i love it so much #creative prose #creative writing #im not a writer #Spotify

[pictureswithboxes]

I kind of hated the advice of “write what you know” because I used to take it literally. But now I love it because I use it as a broad concept.

#my art imitates life in a way that is very #… abstract. #i know loss and pain and joy and love #and being able to verbalize that has made my writing so much better #my writes

[strawberryseeded]

tbh saying out loud or externalizing in sum way (in this case via txt posts) that certain things are HARD and i struggle w them and always have, its VERY therapeutic. like very VERY

#somehow gives me a bit more strenght to do stuff after recognizing its not easy !! #what a few minutes ago seemed completely impossible now becomes ....... a fucking hassle #but one i can recognize. i write 'wow what a pain in the ass why is this so hard' and suddenly i GET IT #.im like Yeah.... ur right Me. this is actually very hard to do !!!!! good point.. #instead of it being this horrible abstract thing i dont wanna face even in my nightmares #amazing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! powerful #that being said thats why im gonna continue complaining abt trivialities FOREVER #di4ry

[quantumleapt]

VERSE DROP: AM I ULYSSES?

Yeah, sorry all, the brainrot won on this one.

According to the default / “main verse” timeline, the episode “Shock Theater” doesn’t happen. Instead, Sam goes into a state of dissociative fugue and catatonia because, in Al’s words, “they’ve pushed you over the line,” (or, a favorite from the script, “My God, what have they done to you?”) and the PTSD that’s been brewing under the surface comes out in a big way. He loses not only his memories as Sam Beckett but also the memories of the leaps he’s had, both of which return to him in flashbacks. He goes, for the most part, quiet (and the person he’s leapt into is very unforthcoming as well, for a number of reasons), and doesn’t believe anything around him is real (thus risking losing the ability to leap, and the connection to Al, forever the further he stays like this). It’s a very, very long few days before he comes back to himself.

#ooc. #am i ulysses? [verse.] #dissociation tw #dissociative fugue tw #fugue state tw #catatonia tw #catatonic tw #ptsd tw #flashback tw #ask to tag #this is... basically the premise for the fic i'm going to write #the fic has more details and it'll be very abstract and postmodernist as i'm the worst /lh #this might be an absolute pain to do anything with #but i think it also could be very fun #also with no bad science or soft ableism / racism!! #hopefully anyways

[jester089]

Gotta say, massive fan of the work you’ve pumped out, especially for TADC (it came out two weeks or so ago and there’s this much already what?!)

That said, could you write for the gang (separately, I’m sorry l know it’s a lot) who’s s/o resisted abstraction? Like, they were halfway through but turned back through sheer will? *Insert John Wick reference* This has been ping ponging in my head for a while. Thanks for listening! XO

Glitchy pain

I've written for something like this before. And I wasn't sure if you wanted angst or fluff. But since what I wrote before was angst I'm gonna just donna do my ideas on this one. Also to anyone else who feels like requesting don't be afraid to ask for a lot of characters. My max is like 10 and only because Tumblr doesn't like super long posts. I honestly don't think I would have a max if not for that. But really from like 7 pm to 4 am I got a lot of free time and the want to write. So ask to your hearts content. TADC crew x (kind of) abstracted reader

Caine

Caine was floating around when he heard what sounded like a pained and glitchy scream? He quickly floats over to where he heard it from only to find you clutching your head crumpled up into a ball on the floor. He was about to float down and ask you what happened before he noticed the random glitches, black spiky flesh, and randomly colored eye balls all appearing and disappearing in the blink of an eye. So he backed off, a little sad over the fact you were abstracting but life goes on. Until you let out another pained scream, it was almost like the abstraction reacted as the second you screamed it reverted a bit and slowed down. It continues like that for who knows how long. You in a mental and physical battle with abstraction. Caine just staring completely taken back by what he was witnessing. After enough time you vomit a nasty and seemingly living blob of black goo onto the floor and pass out. Caine stares at your motionless body for a few seconds before snapping out of it. He puts the weird goo blob into the cellar and takes you back to your room. He doesn't even know how to react, so he sits there at your bedside waiting for you to wake up. Once you do he is relived to find it's still you, speaking in full sentences and everything. Sure your voice and body have the occasional glitch but overall you're ok. So he leaves you be, mostly. He still needs to study your code for how you did that. But past that and him being a bit more "walking on egg shells" around you, but nothing really changes. And not wanting the others to think your a threat, you and Caine don't tell anyone.

Gangle

Gangle was wandering around looking for you. Her comedy mask broke again and you were the only one who knew how to fix it properly. She could patch it up sure but it never lasted long. Much like Caine she heard you scream out, only difference being she recognized your voice. She quickly changed from casual and aimless stroll to sprint with reason finding you leaned against a wall holding your stomach looking like your about to throw up. She runs up to you and places a hand(?) on each side of your head staring into your eyes. She in a panicked voice asks "Are you ok?! What happened?!" You half shove her away a garbled and messy version of your voice half screaming out that it isn't safe. You quickly regret taking the energy to speak and move as a giant surge of pain jolts up your digital spine forcing you onto your knees. You let out another pained groan/scream as black goo starts oozing out of your mouth. It's only then that Gangle realizes your glitching! She panics and tells you to stay calm while she gets Caine. Gangle sprints off with a mission luckily finding Caine rather quickly. She especially screams at him to help her/follow her. He listens and follows her. When she gets back to where she left you, your passed out. But you aren't glitching anymore. And your not fully abstracted. She carefully walks over to you and sets a gentle hand (ribbon) on your face feeling a whole lot of relief when you half swat at her hand in your sleep. She'll watch you while you sleep making sure you aren't disturbed but when you're awake and she's sure you're ok you are going to be getting a whole lot of cuddles from her. Her comedy mask can wait.

Zooble

Zooble was missing a leg and was hobbling/jumping her way towards your room to ask if you'd seen it. She knocked on your door only to receive no response. She knocks again. Nothing. So she unlocks it with the spare key you gave her. She is stunned by what she sees. Obsessive scribbles covering your walls. Wall paper torn and dirtied. She takes a few cautious steps before finally hearing you say in a horrible sounding voice "P̵̛̣̤̪̑̈́̄͆̚p̴̹͇̆̑̐͠ṕ̷͔̼͙̅̀͐̿͋͜͝P̵̢͚̩̱̮̭̉͜͠l̵͔̟̰̘̼̹̼̯͉͆ḛ̴̣͈̖͛̈́̏̏͌̕͜a̴̢͇̣̮̠͕̮͆̾s̸̡͉̣̺̯͚̾̈́͋̃̑͊͘s̵̼͛̃͛̄̏̊̊͜͠ͅs̷̨̯̬̯͊e̵̢̪̜̗͙̞͈̠͌̔͠s̸̢͔̝̳̞͈̭̲͂͆̇̄͛́́͗ͅͅ ̴̗̻̳̗̜̙̹̘͒̒̑̅̂̎̚͘w̴̰̘͂͊̌̒͘w̸̢̦̑̍̈́͊W̷̨̄̑̌̂̚͝W̵̦̙͇̝̲̪̝̫̜̰̄͑̚w̶̮͐̏̀͊͠h̴̬̤̠̩̰͋͗̾̓̈́̍̅ó̴͍̭͇̯͚̮͔̽̓̔̈́ ̶̥̑͋͒̿̀Ê̶̼͎͇͍̳̯͌͋͐̓̋v̸̢͓̩͗͜͝v̴͇͇̮̻͖̪͕̰̹̫̔̌̎̇̑́ë̷̪̤̫̪͌͂̓̕͘e̵̢̨̱̘̗͙̘̱̱̩̎̾̀v̸͍̄͠ë̶̡̙̠̣̰̠́͜r̸͇̰͖̍͑͌̆̌ ̷̯̼͕͍̭̭̲͙̰̽̈́͝y̷̪͉͓͗̿̀̐̈̃̆õ̷̢̜̮̬͒̈́͒̿̀̽̈́͂̈́ǘ̸̡̟̭̩̠̜̬͙̃ṵ̴̭̮̹̯̺̜̤̈͂̽u̸̬̠͉̺͍̰͉̦͌̋́̃͌̊͘͜ ̵̲͖̩̹̲̊̐͂͝͝a̵̰̩̻̗͕͎̮͈̥̫͂̂̌̆̆̎̑a̴̭͒͐̏̎́́͝à̶̛̘̮͍̟̻͕̰̽̍͛̽̈́̃͛͝r̴͎͚͇̻̞̬͑̂̅̿͋̅̂͊̔ą̴̛̱̱̗̔̈́̈́̔͒̆̌͘͠r̵̺̰̬̹̮̬̘̜̈́̊͗͛̅̌͌͘͜ę̸̛̺̞͚̹̘̱̥̲̒̍̏̔͛̌̚ȇ̴̩.̶̛̖̙̦̝̹̰͔̉͂̆̉̐̾̐͠͝ ̵̘̙͎̼̻̩̬͖͌̉̾̂̄͜J̵��̏̇̈́̑̃͜͝͝j̶̛̠̬̟̓͗͗͆̆̀̈́̿̂͜j̴̢͍̦͉̯͑̍̓J̷̨̧̢̳̟̠̯͖͖͚̐̈̏̓̈͐̎̐͝j̶̫̞̬͖̯̯̹̺̩͆̾̽́̈́̄ͅJ̵͖̘̫̓u̷̡̧͔̥͇͕͔̞̠̇͛̈́̎͂̌͂͘̕ş̶͕̫̎ṫ̷͈͖̲̩͉͌̅̍̈́́̿ ̷̠͕͕̖̜̻̯̻̖̃̏̀͂͑́l̷̳̣̼̓̈́̊̈́̈̎̀́̋̚͜L̶̡̜̣͔͔̼̠̗̎̇̈́̕Ļ̴̞̟̱̹͓̹̪͖͚̂̐͐̑̂͆̐̓̚͠ḽ̶̢̧̙̺̯͖̰͓͐͗̽̈́̃̔̀̾̕l̴̢̢̳̜̣̦̎́́̔̕̚e̷͔̫͉̘͉̓̓͋͊̀̿̄̕͝ͅã̷̡̢̝̮͔̮̰̱͒͌̈͊̾͂͠ͅͅv̷̗̼͎̠̝̋̓͒͛̂͐͜͜è̶̪̟̲̘̃̓ ̴̺̊̉͑̉̽̅́̕̕m̸̧̦͔̙͍̘̭̲̄͂m̸̧̫͎͌̀̃͜ͅM̴͍͍̫͚̺͚̪̺̿́̒͋̂͐̿͗̚͘m̴̛̘̼͔͑̿̏̅͌̊̾̕e̴̩̟͈̙͑̏͐̆̓͆̏̚͠͝ ̵̳̤͉͉͙̬̥̉̓́̀̓̃̀̌̊͜ͅḁ̶̧̗͈͍͍̉͂̀͆͗̾̆́̚͜͝l̴̜͓͈̄͌̓̈́̉͊͊̍͝a̵̲͒̋̂͐́̊̕̚͝â̶̢͕̫̘̮͈̻͕͙̩͑̂ḹ̵̨̮̓̓̊̍̕̚͝o̵͖͔̥̳̊̐̀͠n̵̺̥̲͔͔̿͋̊ë̶̯̤̻́̌̎̎́̾͋̄̄̋.̵̪̑͆̀̎" (Please whoever you are. Just leave me alone.) She cautiously walks over to your bed and peaks over it. Your laying there curled up into a ball torn and broken items surrounding you. Y-your abstracting?! B-but... Zooble doesn't even really register the fact. She's in shock from seeing you like this. (I mean I would be too) You let out an ear piercing scream and claw at your own face with enough force to tear the skin, if you weren't digital at least. The glitching gets much much worse for a few seconds before just, stopping. No rhyme or reason that she can see. But you can bet your a&$ that after like 5 seconds pass and you stop showing signs of abstraction she's going to huddle near your spitting out so many questions. Mainly ones like "ARE YOU OK!?!" and "Your still with me right?! RIGHT!?!"

Kinger

Kinger would more likely then not be there when your first started glitching. And that might make him officially lose it. Your the second person in this hell (Queener) who he felt close too. And he outlived you too. Still you aren't abstracted yet. Maybe their's still a chance! So he sprints off screaming out for Caine in a voice that is loud enough to make you go deaf if you were too close to him. When he finds Caine. And he will find Caine he grabs him by the shoulders and sprints towards where he last saw you. He basically throws Caine at your glitching form and yells at him to fix you! In that second you stop glitching Caine did nothing and Kinger will basically tackle you. He'll pick you up and hold you over his head like a spear and sprint towards your rooms. Once there he will set up the comfiest coziest pillow fort possible then get you all comfy inside. Once he's sure your at least mostly safe and he's at least mostly calmed down he'll ask you about what happened. (Despite him being pretty crazy I really do feel like out of everyone he would be the best at communication in a friend or relationship. I mean he's that crazy and yet he still has manners and knowledge about a lot. Tbh he might become my fav. Idk it's possible.)

Ragatha

You were helping out Ragatha with a surprise she was making for everyone to lighten their moods when you said that you feel kind of sick so you were going to call it a night. She nods thanks you for the help you gave then gives you a quick peck to the lips as a send off. Not to much to her surprise you choose to lay in her bed instead of yours. Just something you do when you don't wanna be alone. She shrugs it off and keeps working actually quite grateful that you decided to not leave, not fully at least. She keeps working but stops when she hears some very concerning noises coming from your sleeping body. She turns around to see you tossing and turning an abnormal amount in your sleep, as well as making a lot of noises that sound like when someone is choking on their own blood. Concerned she carefully walks over to check on you only to recoil when she notices the glitching. She trips over her own foot and falls over onto her back. She quickly but clumsily gets up and gets back to you. She shakes you a bit trying to wake you up, but you don't only concerning her more. She yells calls out for Pomni who pokes her head through Ragatha's door a second later. Ragatha nearly screams at her to go get Caine. Pomni startled by Ragatha's tone turns heel and runs off to look for Caine while Ragatha stays with you. She keeps whispering things like "You're gonna be ok" and "Pomni's getting Caine just hang in there". Always keeping a hand on you not caring when it starts glitching out too. When Pomni returns with Caine, Ragatha full on yells at him to help you. He looks at you, then back at her, then with a apologetic tone says their isn't anything he can do as abstraction is one of those things he doesn't have control over. Ragatha breaks into tears. So she's gonna lose you, she was even there. BUT SHE CAN'T F@%#&$* HELP?! She holds onto you like you're her last tether to reality. And you seem to get better. Your at the very least don't seem to be in pain anymore! So she squeezes you, really f&$%@#* hard happier then should be possible that your improving.

Jax

Jax found you in his room voice glitching you huddled over in pain. At first he thought it was a revenge prank and acted accordingly. "Haha, very funny Y/N. Now get out of my room I need to do something." That is until you vomited up a ton of pitch black goo. Then he started taking it more seriously. He quickly crouches down and wraps an arm around you to try and provide some support. He freaks out and quickly pulls his arm back when you vomit up more goo and starts visibly glitching. He panics and quickly looks around his room locking onto a like 3 day old unopened water bottle. He opens it and hands it to you as well as a thing to squeeze that half yells to just hang in there he'll be right back. He sprints around not even knowing who to get. He sees Ragatha and half tackles her. He shouts directly into her face that you need help and that you in his room. He tosses her in the direction of his room then continues sprinting around not long after finding Caine. He grabs Caine ignoring his protests and runs back to his room where he fins Ragatha sitting next to his bed you tucked in. Your not vomiting anything and you aren't glitching. You're just shivering. He hears you mumble his name and literally kicks Ragatha and Caine out quickly getting to your side. After he feels he wont get hurt he quickly gets into bed holding you close "If you ever do that again I'm going to take back my vow to not tease you." He falls asleep with his chin resting on your head.

Pomni

At first when you started glitching Pomni didn't really know it was abstraction. She's never seen someone abstract after all, only seeing the finished product. But when you keep getting worse and worse she realizes that something is wrong. So she leaves you with a quick kiss then runs off to the communication thing Caine made after the whole Kaufmo incident. She calls him and when he picks up she screams into the phone that your glitching out. When Caine appears next to her she runs back over to where you are not even checking if Caine is following. When she gets back to you, you're still in really bad shape. She turns back to Caine and yells at him to help you. When he tells her that he can't she starts hyperventilating, then she sees him pick you up and the cellar hole open?! OH F&#$ NO! She basically punches Caine then clings to you protectively, ready to throw hands with Caine if she has to. Caine tries and pull her off when she starts glitching but she has the grip of a professional rock climber. So Caine has to keep curing her glitches at they appear. Cause in his mind your beyond help but she isn't. Then you start to improve. No more coughing and the glitching has slowed down! Pomni glares at Caine then turns back to you with a scared and tired smile on her face. Once your ok enough to talk you are going to get an earful. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER YOU WERE FEELING BAG ENOUGH TO ABSTRACT?!?!?! (Sorry this was so long. I got a little carried away. And surprisingly I'm pretty proud of this one. I hope you enjoyed it!)

xoxo, Jester

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #caine x reader #gangle x reader #zooble x reader #kinger x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #pomni x reader #noob author #not beta'd

[lost-and-ephemeral]

helloooo, can i req cuddling with love and deepspace boys? :))

Imagine: Loving Embrace (ft. main trio)

Pairing: Xavier x reader, Zayne x reader, Rafayel x reader (seperate)

Tags: pure fluff

A/N: i'm still feeling pretty bad mentally because too many things happened and i'm no longer taking antidepressants, but this little cute request was hard to resist ♡ I decided to focus on different situations instead of writing simple hcs for cuddles

-`♡´- MASTERLIST -`♡´- 

Rafayel: Cuddles for Inspiration

"Come here, I can't find my inspiration without you."

At least that's what Rafayel always says when he can't find the right balance between painting and wanting to spend time with you. So why not combine both!

Yes, he's covered in paint and, yes, its smell completely soaked his clothes, but you never say no to him. How could anyone resist his cute pouty face when he's asking for something like this?

The moment Rafayel pulls you by the waist and sits you on his lap, be prepared to spend a very, very long time like this. Especially if he's really inspired by your closeness.

And he just can't let go of his muse in the middle of the creative process, right?

Rafayel holds you firmly but gently by your waist while his chin rests on your shoulder. His eyes are either closed as he thinks about something or focused on the canvas.

Sometimes his fingers draw invisible abstract shapes on your waist. He does it instinctively, without thinking. Or he plays with your own fingers while he draws details with his other hand.

"See? Without you, this painting wouldn't be complete."

Zayne: Cuddles for Productivity

"I need some cuddles to promote the production of oxytocin."

Zayne… Always remains Zayne, covering up his own desire to be closer to you with various medical terms and researches. It is cute in it's own way, actually.

He loves it when you hold him in your arms and he can completely relax for a while, resting his head on your chest and listening to your heartbeat. He'll definetely call it a way to check your heath too.

Zayne loves to cuddle before or after work most of the time, but he won't refuse to be there for you during his break at work.

He needs to find the energy to keep working, after all.

He probably prefers to keep quiet during yor cuddling session, but if you want to tell him something, go ahead, Zayne won't say a word against it.

In fact, he even enjoys hearing your stories. Just make sure they don't contain things about your work that might alarm him. Otherwise, he might go back into strict doctor mode. But it's still only because of his love and care for you.

"Have you heard that hugs or any other show of affection can have health benefits, including reducing fear, stress, and pain? So it is good for both of us."

Xavier: Cuddles for Sleep

"My internal battery is completely drained."

And with these words Xavier will make himself comfortable in your arms while you're lying on the couch or bed and scrolling on social media.

And that's not even a joke, he's actually completely exhausted after spending the last couple days on missions without proper rest. You know Xavier, he either works non-stop or goes into hibernation after that. It'll take some time to change his habits.

In this state, he's more like a big plush toy, and you can do whatever you want with him. But the best idea is to play with his hair. This action always relaxes him.

After all, only in your hands he can find such a desired comfort.

Xavier will tell you about how his last mission went while you cuddle. Well, he will try to do it before sleep finally consumes him. And you'll be able to hear perfectly how his voice grows quieter and quieter with each word.

He's so cute when he's sleepy, isn't he? You can even tell him that to get a quiet chuckle in return. Xavier doesn't mind your little teasing.

"It's so warm in your arms, I swear I… I can't stay awake anymore…"

#love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace rafayel #rafayel x reader #zayne x reader #xavier x reader

[darken-hollow]

The reader who has been abstracted but somehow recovered from it and everyone's reaction to the reader returning from it.

tadc crew x recovered abstracted reader

This really peaked my interst so I knew I just had to write it!

Pain, fear, and anger were all you could feel when you were abstracted, in your newly twisted and corrupted mind the only two things you were able to do seem to be attacking and running

You were chasing your “prey” down the hall and into the main room when another sharp pain went through your body as you let out a whine and fell to the ground

You let out more small whines as your body once again changed this time though it was your original form

Caine

His reaction when you first transformed back was pretty calm claiming it was “all part of my plan” though in truth he was the most confused

After a bit he came to the conclusion that you were able to transform back by something specific in the code of your body that others didn’t have

So expect him popping up randomly to try and take samples, which happens at least once per day

After he got what he thought could be used to turn the other abstracted back to normal he tried to use it… it didn’t work for long and he had a large mess to clean afterwards

After that he went back to normal though would still sometimes try to take samples, became a fun pastime for him

Kinger

You thought he was on edge before? Well now he’s even more on edge

At first he tries to avoid you, he never seen anyone returned back from being abstracted how was he supposed to know you wouldn’t transform back

It took a few months for him to few comfortable standing next to you, let alone going on adventures with you

If you two were dating before then expect the complete opposite

After losing Queenie when she abstracted he didn’t know what to do, even more so when you returned back to normal

Very clingy not wanting to risk losing his lover again

Pomni

She didn’t know what to think at first, you had been a huge help and comforted her when she first came here

She also thought you were by far the most sane, she was proven wrong

It just so happened that she was one of the few going to check in on you when they had found your abstracted self, not very good luck for her

You were the first person she actually knew who had gotten abstracted before she could run away without a thought of who it was before, but she knew you, this was someone she cared about

When you returned to normal she didn’t know what to do then, she was also hesitant about being around you not out of fear though but because she just couldn’t believe it was true

She was very quick to warm up again though do expect her to ask if you're okay a lot 

If you two were dating before then she blames herself for you abstracting even if it wasn’t the case

As well with asking you if your okay expect her to give you small gifts 

Gangle

One of the others who had found you, had to be pulled away or else she would have probably stayed standing there crying

She couldn’t do much as many thoughts were going through her mind all coming out in sobs

When you returned to normal she was still sobbing but was also the first one to make sure you were okay

She decides to put up the whole you being abstracted to her imagination, it would be more believable than you abstracting and then just returning back to normal

I picture that even if you two didn’t have the best relationship she would have nightmares about your abstraction

If you two were dating then be prepared for her not sleeping at all since she doesn't need it and everytime she does she get nightmares she takes it out of her schedule 

expect a lot more cuddles then before, she wants to be as close together as she can with you afterwards

Jax

He was the last of the group who found you, he didn’t believe it, he couldn’t

As he ran away pulling Gangle with him he tried to tell himself that this wasn’t real, the abstracted being wasn’t you

When you returned to normal he was hesitant to tease you or prank you

He still did of course but it was a lot less often then before and with all the others

Will often go into your room if you’re in there or not, mainly to make sure you’re okay

If you two were in a relationship he becomes a lot more protective of you

Like a lot more protective, you be lucky if he wasn’t right by your side

Ragatha

When she had heard you were abstracted she couldn’t believe it, she ran to where you were seeing you right before you went back to normal

She froze her mind racing as she felt numb, until Gangle brought her back when asking you if your okay

When she get back to her senses she ran up and hugged you and kept asking if you’re okay

Many checkups to make sure you’re okay

Feels awful for not noticing the signs feeling like she should have seen them

If you two are in a relationship then she blames herself for your abstraction 

Many small gifts

Zooble 

Was the only one who didn’t see you when you were abstracted 

Was panicked and confused when they heard what had happened 

She didn’t really change much other then being nicer to you

Inside though he was cursing himself out for not doing more

If the two of you were in a relationship then expect them to care a lot more 

Tbh Zooble was the hardest one for me so I have the least for them, but yeah sorry this took a bit didn't have a lot of time to write today

#the amazing digital circus #tadc x reader #tadc headcanon #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc caine #tadc pomni #tadc #request #requests open

[biribaa]

I saw you were taking requests for The Amazing Digital Circus, so if you want can you please write Headcannons for Kinger, Caine, and a character of your choice x a reader who’s abstracting in front of them

Also remember to drink lots of water and to take breaks!

-🧪Anon

Kinger, Caine and Ragatha x reader who's abstracting in front of them

I appreciate your kindness but I'm a computer, I think water is one of the things I need to "drink" less and prevent more.

TW/CW: AHH... Spoilers, also angst. Reader does get abstracted in all scenarios cuz we still dont rlly know if someone can be saved from getting abstracted

Kinger

Imagine lost your partners TWICE. Lolololol loser/J

Everything seems to occur in slow motion from Kinger's point of view, a heart he once had is somehow beating against his body. He prays to any god on this earth, be it real or not, or even Caine maybe, that this nightmare isn't happening again to him. Please, everyone, but not you.

Kinger tries to do everything so his lover don't reach the great peak of their insanity, even though he's not very good at it, knowing his personality. But trust me when I said, he tried. Who cares if he will get all glitched for touching your form, he needs you.

He never thought he would live another nightmare inside a nightmare. And in seconds that felt like painful hours to Kinger, here "you" are, a noisy form covered in eyes that flash in different colors. Your skin (if we can call it skin) moves abruptly as if it were a bag full of enraged cats. And, god, how he wished it was him instead.

Things are resolved by the talking human jaw, and yet the silence in Kinger's little pillow fort is no longer comforting as it once was. Silence now makes the small chess piece itch in agony. Silence that could be enjoyed with your presence, with holding your hand or dancing with you, and chat about random stuff he and you knows. The feeling of missing someone is familiar to him, and yet, it hits him in ways that his years in this circus haven't hit him.

Caine

While Kinger tries to do everything, Caine actually does anything to try saving your corrupted mind, and the lack of power in this situation leaves the digital being in panic. A simple snap of the fingers is not enough, and this information makes him tremble in ways he never thought he would tremble before for a simple human.

You aren't just any character, you are his favorite, the lil' buddy he spoils every hour and that always push a giggle from him. You were his very own star. The show could continue the same without you, Caine was sure of it, but could he? Without a character as entertaining as you in action?

"Of course I can fix them, I am Caine!" It's a phrase that was repeated several times in the presenter's programming, But with every grunt coming from the thing that once was you, it's just a reminder to Caine that he did a horrible job trying to take care of you. There were other characters that were abstracted of course, but... You were special to him. His favorite star. His star.

Caine even feels hesitant to put you in the hole of other characters who were abstract before. He preferred to keep you in a cage away from other people's contact, with no one hurting you and no one hurting you.

He knows, he knows the painful truth that you cannot be considered a sapient being, but even though you are a trace of what you once were, Caine doesn't have the courage to lose you forever.

With the other characters, Caine will act normally, with his loud and lively personality. Only if they analyze Caine close enough, the characters would notice something wrong with him.

And then, sometimes, he just stares at you in the cage. Caine ponders if he should admit the lost of his favorite star, it would be easier, but the pride in his chest screams that there must be some way that he could actually save you from...this.

Ragatha

Somehow, the scene is all silent for her. Ragatha stares at you as if the impossible itself is happening in front of her.

Ragatha holds your hands about to disappear, she caressed what was left from your shoulders, she hurriedly whispers words that would normally calm you down, but nothing can save you from the fate of your sanity, just leaving her with the pain of being glitched.

Of course, she had her other friends like Pomni, but lost you?!

Ragatha thinks she saw everything during her new experience in the digital circus, but something common like losing someone so important was the end of the line for her. You were her darling, her sunshine and her little everything even.

Everything she did sounded slightly more boring and boring without your presence, and Ragatha could do nothing about it. She continues (at least tries) to remain strong after that, still trying to complete the little adventures that Caine gives to the participants. But Ragatha's slow pace and lack of smiles was very noticeable.

The weight on Ragatha's chest is too much, losing someone so sweet and perfect for her in such a horrible way is too much. And the worst part is that Ragatha believes that she could have done something to save you, she could have been with you more often so that your mind didn't fall apart like this. But now, she can do nothing but mourn.

#x reader #canon x reader #reader insert #tadc x reader #tadc ragatha x reader #tadc caine x reader #tadc kinger x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader

[won4ver]

✈︎a poet’s draft

↳ teaser

You were convinced that Sunghoon was incapable of loving, and he was prepared to sacrifice everything to prove you wrong.

pairing : streetracer!sunghoon x singer!afab!reader

warnings + genre : readers kinda mean. exes to ??. [warnings will be added to the main fic]

teaser wc : 1.1k | fic wc : ~10-15k

release date : ??

a/n : listened to vroom vroom by weeekly on repeat while writing the teaser… been so excited about putting this one out, it’s been brewing in my drafts for a few days. i’m almost done the full fic so it’s coming very soon

playlist [updated frequently]

“You know, I was in love with you” As the words tumbled from your mouth in a wisp of blue, it travelled throughout his bones drawing red where your words cut. His head snapped to you as his cuts cried, the familiar numbing pain crawling up his throat as it burned, swallowing itself as he attempted to speak. 

“I even thought we were going to get married” His heart raced like an invisible clock, ticking away in his mind as your love grew purple.

Purple, his favourite colour was now nothing more than the venom dripping from the teeth of the serpent wrapped around his fresh wounds, mocking him for his unfulfilled love. The purple streaks that once coloured your hair in the plethora of his love, were now dyed over with a striking blonde.

“You were my everything, Sunghoon”

His absence created a separation like water and oil, the reds and blues pulling apart as he broke your heart in a quick decision. He was red, of course, he took your favourite colour with him.

The comforting red that you once blushed across his cheeks was now staining his firsts as they dripped with blood, the comforting red was nothing but a distraction. You once loved red, but now you hated it more than anything.

“But then I saw that I was nothing to you”

You were red until Sunghoon touched you, until he made you fall in love with him by whispering sweet nothing in your ears under the morning dew beneath the pale blue sky. You were stained purple until the red dripped out like a faucet. 

The path left by your shed tears was an abstract of delusion, Sunghoon didn’t know how to love. He proved the point when he left without a word, the tears now dried upon your cheeks.

“And I foolishly believed that you responded with equally returned love” His mouth filled with the taste of copper, the red landing on his tongue as he bit his lip. The invisible clock froze, his body numbed as your words repeated in a record of self-doubt. 

“But then I realized, you don’t know how to love Sunghoon. I’ve always struggled with forcing myself to believe in a lie.” You turned your head towards him, eyes leaving the beautiful sunset to stare into the void of Sunghoon, his hypnotising eyes blurred with faux tears.

You let yourself scoff, shaking your head as you stared at the man beside you, his palms shaking as they twiddled with each other. “You're nothing more than a poet's draft, your rhythm fell out of touch with the one of the world.”

The invisible clock chimed as the red flames licked at it, unfrozen as Sunghoon’s tears raced down his cheeks. He couldn’t breathe, his chest filled with smoke as the fire of the clock burned him. “N- no that's not true, I loved you more than anything” He stuttered, shaking his head as the salty tears landed like lava on his hands.

“I love you like the wind-” You cut him off, “No you didn’t Sunghoon, you became the wind.” He shook his head back and forth, his lips trembling as his head began pounding, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

“You destroy everything in your path, like a hurricane tearing through my heart. You took everything I had, leaving me with nothing but your destruction.” You looked away from the man who left you in the wake of his timeless parallel of ruining everything he’s ever touched. Sunghoon wasn’t made to love but to be loved.

He found love in you, at one point in time he truly believed that you were the only type of love he’d ever experience, up until he fell into the blinding headlights of his soon to be downfall. He should've known he couldn't have both you and the races. 

Once upon a time, Sunghoon would've chosen you over anything, but now he had his entire career to lose. He lost you as he sped towards the finish line, his black visors blocking the blue waves washing off of him. He was rendered colourblind the moment he no longer had you, his permanent red-coloured glasses staining his vision.

Sunghoon needed you back, but would he risk everything he has now to get you back? He once built you a castle made of cards, long before he was consumed with the storm whistling inside of him. He wasn't always the wind, he was once a delicate flower being held in your palms. But things were different now, your shared clock ticking in your ears as the rest of your castle slowly tumbled down. The cards were scattered, ready for Sunghoon to collect them once again.

But as he looked down he could only see one card, the back side laid against the grass beside his feet. The jack of hearts. A smile rose on his lips as the haunting red colour shone brighter than ever.

“Hey, I have a race in about half an hour” Sunghoon looked up at you from beneath his lashes, a nervous smirk on his face, “can you, uh, come?'' The deadpan stare you sported on your face made Sunghoon sheepishly raise his hand up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“I mean- it would mean the world to me if you showed up” He picked at the grass in the exact same spot where the card was laid out, the long shards ticking his fingers as he held his breath.

“Are you going to win?” You ignored his question, your head tilting to the side as you watched him in a narrowed gaze. A teasing smile kissing your lips as you watched him excitedly nod his head.

“I’ve always won for you.” And Sunghoon did. Every single race you were the only thing on his mind, his scenarios raising with the speed of his car. He would imagine you waiting for him at the end, your arms wrapping around him as soon as his door opened. The loud cheers coming up as nothing as he was cradled in your embrace.

In his mind he would hold you, your soft encouragements softening his batted mind. In his mind he built a life around your absence, creating his own version of you in replacement of his loneliness. 

In his mind he never had to choose between you or his career, he wouldn’t have left you in the middle of the night because he knew he wouldn’t be able to go with your pretty eyes staring back at him.

“Today won’t be any different” But it would be different, Sunghoon knew it would change everything. You would no longer but just a fragment of his delusions, but you would actually be standing there- for him. 

“I’ll have to see if I can make the time” And for the first time ever, you lied to his face.

#lvlyhanni #enhypen #enhypen scenarios #enhypen ff #enhypen fluff #enhypen series #enhypen angst #enhypen sunghoon #kpop fluff #enhypen smut #sunghoon smut #enhypen street racer au #park sunghoon fic #park sunghoon angst #street racer au #kpop street racer au #park sunghoon street racer au #park sunghoon fluff #enha sunghoon #enha angst #enha fluff #enhypen park sunghoon #sunghoon scenarios #park sunghoon scenarios #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #park sunghoon oneshot #park sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon x afab reader #street racer enhypen au

[drchucktingle]

Is there a reason you didn't include an acknowledgements section in Camp Damascus?

yes actually, as man name of chuck i have spent a lot of time FINDING MY IDENTITY through masking and unmasking. in early days there were many more layers hiding me away and it took a while for me to understand WHY. over the last ten years buckaroos have very much seen me find myself through art, accepting and talking about my sexuality, neurodivergence, and gender.

there is ALWAYS a layer to protect my privacy, and to allow myself room for POETRY. example i like to give is that if i post 'i pet a dog today' i might have actually pet a cat, but everything i say is true is some sense. in the early days that truth was stretched farther because even i did not quite understand it my dang self, and it has been my journey to strip away as much of this mask as possible (sometimes called removing my skin) and BECOME MYSELF on this timeline (which is something i have always talked about)

if you have been following chuck for the last decade you will see my older posts were much more abstract and difficult to parse, they reference themes that i have since come to terms with, and this journey to find myself is WHY i have been able to do this. some could say it was the journey of a reverse twin adapting to their new timeline, others could say it was the journey of a neurodivergent artist allowing themselves the freedom to find a healthy expression and conquer their chronic pain from constant neurotypical masking.

FOR INSTANCE this is why i am wearing buckaroo suits on tour now, an outfit that is more true to the INNER ME. i used to answer interview questions with metaphor and now i just answer, only hiding certain details when i need to. i talk less about figures in my life back in billings who were REAL IDEAS and PARTS OF MYSELF but sometimes not flesh and blood or ghostly buckaroos. this is my trot, and this is why i am so strongly against gatekeepers in the buckaroo community. i have been becoming myself long before i knew what that meant.

so when it came time for acknowledgments i realized i would have to acknowledge buckaroos who helped along the way but also ABSTRACT IDEAS who helped along the way, symbols and themes that i have since decided i wanted to leave behind. it was important to me to create a new era of my expression where those abstract layers are respected but also stripped away. i have to respect the inner truth i am trying to cultivate, for way of my mental health and also my physical health.

so i DID write out acknowledgments and sent them to my buckaroos privately, then i said please do not include this in the public book. these days i want to hide behind as few layers as possible, that is my artistic journey now. buckaroos were very respectful and supportive.

very quick before we finish, there was one other small and important reason. i am so sincere ALL the dang time it is kind of my natural state to get very emotional and thankful, that i kinda thought 'i am going to give myself space here to NOT stress out over this for once'. i am constantly thinking about acknowledging others and i LOVE this part of my trot, but doing it in a way that is so defined and specific and maybe even performative (gotta write your acknowledgments now bud. HAVE to do it) felt at odds with my inner way.

anyway thank you for this very good question what a dang treat to talk about this detail and how much it means to me to find truth in my inner trot.

#chuck tingle #tingleverse #acknowledgments #camp damascus

[withacapitalp]

All this was inspired by listening to She’s So Overrated by Madilyn Bailey so fair warning LMAO. Also this got SO MUCH LONGER THAN I MEANT IT TO IM SORRY IT WAS JUST ME WRITING DOWN AN IDEA......

Okay so I’m having thoughts about modern AU lead singer Eddie Munson who’s been in the industry for years with the boys. Corroded Coffin is a staple of the metal industry, but for a few years he’s been feeling really stalled in his career and just stuck in place. He’s still making music, still performing, but he feels like he’s getting farther and farther from that kid who used to scream and sing in his closet bedroom in the shoebox apartment he used to share with Wayne. 

So when he and the boys are in an interview and the interviewee brings up how “King” Steve Harrington from The Four is trying to reinvent himself with the help of former bandmate Robin Buckley, Eddie goes off. He works himself up into a little tizzy, ranting Munson Doctrine style about how a former teen pop star trying to become some second rate folk singer isn’t anything special, and that he wouldn’t be caught dead cashing in like that. 

That Steve’s music is bad (even though he’s honestly never listened to it) and “King” Steve is overrated. How even Beiber is better than him. He’s just bullshit. 

Of course the interview goes viral, and finds its way to Steve and Robin. Robin listens to it first and she doesn’t want Steve to watch it. She knows how close things like this cut him (especially that word), and how he’s been dealing with a lot of hate from everyone even from former fans who are confused by the sharp contrast of his new music- aka the music he’s finally being allowed to write now that he’s broken away from his momager- but Steve makes her show him. 

She’s sure that she’s going to have to spend the next week rebuilding his confidence. 

And instead, Steve’s lip curls into a smile, and he grabs his songbook, telling her to find her guitar. 

Eddie wakes up five days after the interview to a huge flood of social media notifications, a dozen missed calls from the boys and his manager and his uncle. He ignores them all and goes to see what he fucked up this time. 

Eddie opens Youtube and it’s at the top of his recommendations. The thumbnail is Steve and Robin sitting together with a guitar in her lap. The title of the video is just one word. 

Bullshit. 

This can’t be good. 

Eddie listens to it even though he doesn’t want to. He’s a lot of things, but he’s not a coward. Not anymore. He listens to it because he has to know how much he’s fucked up. 

And then he listens to it again. And again. And again. 

It gets stuck in his head. All of it. Not just the song (which admittedly is pretty killer) but also hearing the flippantly mean words he had casually thrown at Steve being shoved back in his face. He had seen Steve as an abstract thing, just a symbol of everything wrong with the industry, not a real person. And now this actual human being that he’s hearing has turned all of that garbage into a song that feels more genuine then most of the music on the last two albums he wrote himself. A song that has heart, joy, and a strong current of pain underneath, especially in the bridge where Steve just sings the word bullshit over and over. 

There’s even more than that. He also sees the way Robin and Steve interact while they’re working the smiles, the jabs, the silly little way Steve bobs his head along as he listens to her play, the way they both collapse into giggles at the end as Steve directly quotes the part of the interview where Eddie said that Steve “is just another laundry basket devil trying to act like a big shot now that he’s too old for teen girls to moon over.” 

He can’t remember the last time he and the boys had that much fun making a song. 

Hell, Eddie even sees their apartment. It’s a pretty nondescript room, but he can see the wear and tear on the furniture, the cobwebs in the corners of the room, the slightly drooping houseplant with the name “Dart” lovingly painted on its pot. It feels like a home, and as Eddie looks around at the bedroom in his far too big mansion, he feels even more like a fraud. 

Eddie listens to the song on repeat for most of the morning. In the afternoon he finally answers everyone, and starts to put his plan into motion. 

By that evening he’s on the phone with Steve asking him and Robin to help Corroded Coffin write their next song. 

#steve harrington #stranger things #st #eddie munson #steddie #steddie ficlet #st4 #steve and eddie #Robin buckley #platonic stobin #platonic soulmates Stobin #stranger things au #modern au #rockstar Eddie munson #pop star Steve harrington #And yes in my head they fall in love #and robin falls in love with CC manager Chrissy Cunningham shhhhhh #corroded coffin

[kiefbowl]

I was reading an opinion piece on Kate Middleton's cancer diagnosis on CNN by Jamal Baig about the increasing rates of cancer in patients under 50. As far as 5 minutes of googling and JSTORing can lend me to believe, there's nothing illegitimate about Dr. Baig. However, I found this bit in his opinion interesting:

Now, I'm always dubious when reading anything that attributes a very broad generalized idea that changes in diets have caused an increased in cancer, because more often than not it's not pointing to an exploration of, say, increased pesticide use, but the author's personal bias against the quote unquote "unhealthy", especially those who are deemed "fat" by the medical industry.

That being said, I was curious what source he linked, half expecting it to lead to just another op-ed from some other doctor from who knows when, but I was pleasantly surprised! Written by a man named Michael Donaldson, it was an evidentiary review published in a scientific journal called "Nutrition and cancer: A review of the evidence for an anti-cancer diet."

Now I wasn't going to give the whole thing a read, but I stopped in each section, gave a quick skim to get a general vibe, moved on to the next section, etc. I was immediately suspicious that the very first line in the abstract was "It has been estimated that 30–40 percent of all cancers can be prevented by lifestyle and dietary measures alone" as that seems to be a bananas statistic to just posit, but it still had the air of scientific integrity, so I did my skim.

The first handful of sections had things that gave me some moments of pause, that this article was in fact another doctor simply cherry picking data to confirm his own biases, but nothing so egregious as to do a spit take. That comes in a few minutes. The first section that made really go hold the phone was when we got to his Flax Seed section.

Compare how he writes about Red Meat...:

(that's all he wrote, btw)

...with how he starts writing about Flax Seed:

Did I just enter a Flax Seed commercial? Does this guy work for BIG FLAX SEED? on and on he writes about Flax Seed, and I start getting a sense that perhaps this man has a Flax Seed Agenda. In any case, he eventually moves on and I quickly skim to get to the end (because it's boring among other things).

So, who exactly is Michael Donaldson?

Girl are you kidding me

The Hallelujah Acres Foundation is a FOR PROFIT company that sells a """biblical""" based diet program called the hallelujah diet and also sells supplements on said site.

Now, in case you forgot where I started with this, this was the link provided as a "source" to a legitimate doctor's claim in an op-ed about cancer that "at least part of the answer" of why cancer is increasing in under 50 patients are the "changes to nutrition and lifestyle that took hold in middle of the last century." Dr. Baig did not read this article, or if he did was not concerned that it was written by the employee of a company that profits from unscientific research it uses to sell supplements and diets. Which is worse, I don't know.

The point I'm making is that you absolutely need to be vigilant all the time. You need to understand that doctors can not only have biases, but agendas. Researchers can have biases and agendas. Scientists can have biases and agendas. And that magical thinking about real health issues that can affect your future can permeate the scientific community because weirdos write convincing enough evidence that support their already determined world view.

This kind of shit is the reason why women go into doctor offices complaining about pain in their abdomen and get told to go lose weight and come back in 6 months. This is why ideas like moralizing eating have huge effects on women's health and influence medical misogyny, and why it's a feminist issue.