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mjlovescm · 2 years

Note

can you make a fic where the reader and Rodrick Heffley has make up sex those are the best ( i also love literally everything you write)

Makeup sex, 🍋 Rodrick Heffley

Author's note: This takes place during the third movie dog days, Rodrick is 17 in the first one dog days takes place 2-3 years later, so he is over 18. I just wanted to say that in case anyone was worried about me writing smut of minor characters, which I would never do. Thank you for being my first request and for reading my stuff in general, the support truly means the world to me.

You weren't sure why you thought dating Rodrick was going to be easy, but you were surely mistaken. All you wanted to do the summer after your graduation was be with your boyfriend, and instead he rather flirts with Heather Hills at the Country Club. Which truly you had no idea how he got into.

“Can you at least let me explain.” Rodrick called after you to slow down, but still you continue your angry walk. “Listen to me, I know what it looked like, but I can explain.”

“There's nothing to explain.” You yelled, not bothering to stop or face him. “I can't believe after all this time you’re still obsessed with Heather.” You hissed.

Still angry, you stepped up the three stairs to your front door and quickly brought out your house key to unlock the door before Rodrick could catch up. And of course, in this moment of frustration, your fingers fumble the keys, and they fall. Not giving yourself a moment to calm down and aware that Rodrick was catching up immediately you go to pick them up. Trying to open the door again, you struggle to get the key into the hole and of course they drop again. And again you go to pick them up and so does Rodrick. He swipes them before you can, steps back with them in his hand.

“Listen.” He breathes, taking a moment to catch his breath. “To me.”

You cross your arms and give him a mean look.

“I know it looks bad, but it’s not what you think. Okay, just let's go to your room and talk.”

“I don’t feel like talking to you right now.” You're quick to say, grabbing at the keys, before Rodrick pulls back and dodges your attempt.

He sighs.

“I know, but just let me explain, and I promise this will make sense.”

After a moment of trying to wait him out, you gave in and you and Rodrick went upstairs to let him explain. You were still upset, but ultimately Rodrick was your boyfriend and if he had a good explanation, there would be no reason to change that.

“So were you flirting with a girl that's NOT your girlfriend?” You told him sitting on your bed.

“Okay, so you know how Greg has a crush on Holly.” He starts, and already you were searching for a connection. Maybe they wanted to double-date ? “But I had a crush on Heather right, but we both know how what ended.”

“Yea, everyone who went to Heather's birthday know how that ended.” You shrug and Rodrick narrows his eyes at the comment, but decided to ignore it.

“So because of that, Heather doesn't want Holly hanging out with Greg.” Rodrick says as if he doesn't understand her logic.

“I don’t blame her.” You say to yourself.

“So as a favor to my dear little brother, I did the dirty work and kept heather busy.” Rodrick finishes, giving you a nod a smile, thinking he just did an amazing job.

“That’s so stupid.” You told him honestly and his smile drops.

“How else was I supposed to distract her.”

“I don’t know, fake drown in the pool.” You told, throwing your hands up, still irritated by the whole situation.

Sitting beside you on your bed, Rodrick gave you a moment to calm down, understating that this wasn't something you could just be okay with instantly. Even with a good, somewhat good explanation. Instinctively you leaned your head onto his and Rodrick wrapped an arm over your shoulder. Whispering a small “I'm sorry.” into your hair. The moment passes, and you take your head off of Rodrick’s to look at him.

His arm slides off your shoulder, but Rodrick keeps his hands gently on the back of the back of your neck. You look into the deep brown of each other's eyes, and Rodrick’s thumb strokes your skin. At first, neither of you could tell that your heads were coming closer. But when your attention started to flicker back and forth from each other's eyes and each other's lips, you both decided it was best to just embrace it.

Rodrick’s lips meet yours, and so does his other hand on the side of your face. The kiss is sweet, soft and screams “I’m sorry.”, “I’m so stupid.” and “I’ll never do it again.”. It should have been a quick small kiss but when you started to pull away Rodrick wasn't ready to let go. Pulling your head forward, he leans into your lips with a groan.

You fall back onto the bed, your legs leaving space for Rodrick to lay between them. You make a sound that matches his, and quickly things intensify. Shamelessly, you and Rodrick indulge in each other's bodies. Completely forgetting the prior conflict and now instead focusing on the feeling of grinding against each other. The rough layers of denim and underwear creating more sensitivity and friction, quickly working you both up.

Taking a break from the borderline make out session the two of you were having, Rodrick struggled to keep his composure. Breaking away from your lips every few seconds to replace the breath of air that was lacking from his lungs before deciding he wanted to actually breathe and moved onto your neck. Placing his forearms at either side of your head as he peppers the underside of your jaw with his lips. You moan and squirm in response, and Rodrick chuckles between kisses.

“You like that, huh?” He whispers against your skin.

You did, of course you did, but there was no reason for Rodrick to gloat about it. An idea forms in your mind, and you smile, wrapping your legs around him and pulling him closer. This catches Rodrick by surprise and his arms weaken, pressing yourself more into his growing bulge, you slow your hip movements. He tries to use his hands to steady himself, but he fails and falls back onto you.

“Fuck.” He whimpers your name beside your ear, and you bite your lip in arousal.

“Yea.” You whisper in a condescending tone. “Yea you like that huh?” You mock his previous words, and Rodrick struggles to say anything.

Right now he’s all moans and whimpers. That along with his sweet words of encouragement to keep your hips moving. Breathless quick “Just like that.” and “Keep going.”.

You were really letting him enjoy the moment, but now that you were in control, you definitely hadn't forgotten about the Country Club. That and Rodrick bullshit reasoning. Sure, you believed him, but regardless, the whole situation was wrong. Now a bit annoyed as well as turned on by your boyfriend, you wanted to switch things up. Randomly you release Rodrick from your grasps and for him the denial is instant.

“What th-” He whines, but it's cut off by you pushing Rodrick onto his back.

Already desperate for each other’s touch, you and Rodrick quickly take off your clothes. Grabbing a condom before carelessly discarding on the floor before getting a new position. One where you were on top of Rodrick.

“Are you sure you wanna do it like this?” He sounds confused but more than that, excited hands already reaching for your chest.

“I wouldn’t get in this position if I wasn't sure.” You told with an underlying attitude he’s too distracted to pick up on.

Slowly, with patience and lots of little and not too little noises, you sink yourself onto Rodrick. Giving you both a moment to get used to the position before you start moving. And already Rodrick struggles to keep up with you, normally you would start slow and let things progress based on the both of you. But right now you were throwing that out the window and instead doing this the way you wanted to. And truthfully, Rodrick didn't seem to mind one bit.

He adored watching you on top of him, only having to work his mouth and hands while you made the both of you feel good. The weight of your body pushing Rodrick more and more into the bed as you bounce on Rodrick’s dick, your thighs, and ass jiggling as you did so. Moans of Rodrick's name leaving you as his fingers pulling and twisting one of your nipples while his mouth worked the other one. The hardened nub falling in and out of Rodrick's lips as you continued to work your hips, not daring to stop the growing feeling of impending orgasm in both of your stomachs.

“Fuck.” The word is sharp and quick. “Fuck, fuc-ahh just uh- like- that. Just like that.” He encourages you.

“Promise me you’re never gonna do anything that stupid again.” You blurted out him, mind partially still on the Heather situation.

“I won’t.” Rodrick whines.

“And you’re never gonna flirt with anyone who isn't me.”

“No n-never.” He reassures you.

With Rodrick's promise in mind you were sent over the edge and for those seconds of pure bliss and pleasure you thought about nothing but your boyfriend. Not as the guys who crushed on Heather Hills for years. Or ruined her birthday or even worse flirted with her as a way to help his little brother. But as your boyfriend. Your Rodrick.

“Are you still pissed?” Rodrick asked you once the after orgasm clarity kicked in.

Ignoring it, you climb off of him and laid beside him, exhausted.

“Are you gonna do this every time we argue ?” He asks between breaths, his chest rising and falling. “I think I kinda like sex better when you're pissed off.”

“Really?” You say with a chuckle.

He nods.

“Definitely.”

Masterlist

#rodrick heffley smut #mjlovescm #rodrick heffley #rodrick x reader #diary of a wimpy kid #black fem reader #reader insert smut #makeup sex

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caelyne · 4 months

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on one hand, there IS a problem with people going "you're just hating on ships uwu❀" as a shoddy smokescreen for posting and justifying pedophilia, which is why a lot of people are wary about 'pro-ship' claims. but on the other hand, far too many people are jumping to the conclusion that because of the above, everyone who defends ships is a pedophile. sometimes they're genuinely just against harassing people over "cringe" ships and didn't know about the creeps abusing the term. ...and then some people make it very transparent that they actually don't give a shit about that and just want to use this confusion as an excuse to harass people for an ego trip.

yah i definitely see more of the latter than anything else. maybe i'm just not in the space of witnessing Creeps misusing the term, but I'm starting to think I should be paid a dollar everytime I gotta witness some stupid discourse over someone liking something incorrectly. and If there's anything I've grown to absolutely detest lately is other people telling artists, creatives, or anyone really, what to do or how to enjoy their interests.

its so easy to disengage from something if it makes you uncomfortable. You could block. You could mute. You could turn your computer off. I recommend the last one actually, for people who go around harassing and making other people's lives miserable or difficult. but hey I guess it is just easier to write a long ass DNI that literally no fucking person is ever going to read and blame other people for *Interacting* with your posts. I don't think people realize the absurdity of drawing appealing art and then expecting someone to not like/follow/reblog simply because your dissertation on content/themes that you dislike happens to list something that describes an interest of said individual that is interacting with you.

ill say it again, people spend way too much time thinking about shit that makes them unhappy. free yourself from the toxicity that is the cop in your mind. you dont like someone/something? take responsibility for your own damn self, grow the hell up, and take steps to disengage from stuff that makes you angry enough to HATE people over it. its so fucking ridiculous lmfao

#catte.meow #catte.asks

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narcissisticpdcultureis · 11 months

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(This one's a long ask..) NPD + BPD + autism experiences is thinking you're just an absolutely good and the most morally correct person ever. You are a hero and you are an absolute gem to society. You'll fix all the problems society has, especially the systems that hurt the marginalized and hurt. You genuinely think you can lead a revolution or play an important role in it. You genuinely think you're the only person in your political wing that has the "best" politics and is the most morally correct and least damaging/most helpful thing ever.

You change your entire vocabulary to be more inclusive and non-hurtful/non-discriminatory, no matter how much the change is. It's exhausting when you slip up, and you either feel ashamed or you call yourself an exception and give yourself that little grace. You tell yourself you can do it, and that if you can do it anyone else can. You judge everyone else who thinks differently from you, because they're suddenly bad, bigoted, conservative, harmful people and you're the only one next to a select few/some people you follow who have good morals/politics.

You feel like you're the therapist friend, you feel like you were built to help everyone around you and save lives. You are the best person at helping anyone and everyone with their problems and you're perfect.

You end up being so obsessed with morals and feel like it's so enveloped in your identity, and you can't handle it when everyone has different morals from you. Or you can handle it, but it's just... exhausting or causes you to split on others. You have an intense desire for justice, fairness, kindness, and compassion at ALL times... and sometimes it becomes debilitating.

It destroys how you perceive others and how you interact with them. You so badly want to be the best at Leftist, anti-capitalist politics. You don't want to be problematic. You never want to hurt anyone, you want to be perfect and good and a hero. That's what you are. You're morally perfect and you can do literally no wrong. If you ever do wrong you end up shame spiraling or getting defensive, and it takes you all your strength to admit you did a wrong and hurt someone. It's just the shame that comes with potentially discomforting someone or hurting them or coming across as uneducated/uninformed. It's the fear of messing up in front of everyone and no longer being seen as a nice person, just a creep. Just a horrible, evil thing. It all just makes you no longer feel pure, morally good, self-righteous, heroic, or anything positive. You just feel sick and angry. You blame yourself, you blame others, you blame your abusers and bullies. You don't know why you're like this.

#I LITERALLY RELATE TO THIS SO HARD NONNY #npd culture is #npd + bpd culture is #autistic npd culture is #autistic npd + bpd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #bpd #borderline personality disorder #autism #asd #autism spectrum disorder #❓

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cosmichighpriestess · 12 days

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Many lightworkers, heart centered empaths and those who are awake have been feeling like they want to give up on their spiritual journey. The Ascension process is overwhelming and too painful. We understand that sometimes you don't want to hold the light anymore, you don't want to help everyone and go out of your way anymore to pull others out of their darkness just to be attacked again.

When we climbed to the top of the mountain (state of consciousness), we ascended before everyone else, we thought, " I can't believe I made it, I can't believe that no matter what battles and attacks I've been through that I finally made it out alive." But then we looked down at all the people we left behind, we saw them suffering, attacking and continuing old, outdated ways leading them in a vicious toxic cycle and losing their faith in humanity and the Universe/God/Source/Higher Intelligence. It was and is lonely at the top, and you could say it's better than being at rock bottom but you don't become blind once you reach the top of the mountain.

You are letting your own darkness consume you, you are reacting to demonic attacks and lower vibrational people are making it difficult to observe and not react. You are creating the attacks if you are perceiving them outside of you. Forgive them, they are under a spell. Use Yeshua as your shield of protection. I know how hard it is, to not want to teach them anymore because they aren't interested in healing or changing their toxic ways. You dont have to do anything except focus on yourself and your internal being. Changing yourself changes your world literally.

These past people let their anger and rage dictate how they treat others in order to not have to feel it themselves, they give it to you to transmute it for them, leaving you completely exhausted, angry and sad. Become surgical with your thoughts and emotions. Feel and release them. That is a blessing and a curse to be able to feel so deeply. Most people couldn't handle the depths you've been in. You have to go higher when they go lower because it's their job to keep you in hell.

You see everything more clearly, and you see the suffering of so many lost individuals who you once tried to save over and over. You reach the top and now you can see clearly that there's no one else with you except for God and our spirit guides. There's no one who understands. No one can handle the depths we've gone through, no one can handle our authenticity without being triggered, everyone is intimidated by our energy and it feels like they need to protect themselves from us. But we're not the ones that have any malicious intentions, we just want more friends and family on this level because it's lonely even though we love being alone. We could thrive with our soul tribe. So we keep teaching, keep sharing information on how we did it and how to follow your own guidance and come to God.

But the only thing is, we can't climb back down the mountain, there's no going back for us. There's no pretending anymore or lowering ourselves to fit in to do things we no longer resonate with. We wish we could break you free from the illusions of your reality, but those on a lower frequency, can't even hear us because they are not on the same frequency. It's not that we think they can't do it or that we don't believe in their abilities as a powerful human being but it's in God's hands. It's that we had to let go of the need to save everyone. People fumble, misjudge and underestimate how hard the spiritual journey really is.

When you are about to have a breakthrough, when you are about to receive all of your blessings, you're going to be tortured by your reality, by the same people who didn't destroy you enough to begin with. We are not emotional punching bags to project and blame and insert your outdated rules onto, like slaves to fear. Because of our unconditional pure love, support, empathy, forgiveness and compassion, our natural selves, it is so unbelievable and so rare, so unreal that people think it's faked and we're just liars. We're just more aware of our darkness and we realize how much power we hold so we don't abuse it. We don't want to feel the wrath of God by going against ourselves. We can lie but we know it doesn't serve us. Being honest feels better.

These people from our past feel uncomfortable around someone so comfortable with themselves, they don't like how optimistic and happy we are for no reason. How dare we be happy and abundant no matter what it looks like on the outside we are secured by God. They don't understand how we can still be good hearted and still standing after everything we've been through. We should've turned evil, cold, resentful, bitter, and abusive after everything we've been through but instead we slayed all our demons and slayed all of their demons too. Knowing anything we perceive outside of us, is within us so really we were always observing our own demons through other people who we share one consciousness with.

These people from our past don't understand they are imprisoned and inauthentic. They don't understand or see beyond the illusions of their physical world because they chose to be victims to their circumstances from a higher level they chose this so we must accept this. They will be okay, they will be alright because honestly, they have us no matter what, no matter how dark they appear we know we can transcend all of our darkness, creating more positive versions of them. At the moment, we are beyond their comprehension, they are not ready and as they watch us ascend and create heaven from hell, they still choose to stay asleep because they don't understand how powerful they are.

They don't know who they are. We either scare, intimidate, cause envy, confusion and lust or we inspire, ignite a flame within their broken heart, that was always burning it just needed some attention and love, and we enlighten depending on their state of consciousness.

We are not for the weak minded, we will trigger your negative limited beliefs, and the ones who project their arrogance and entitlement onto us, their lack mindset, their insecurities, their own projections, which were just confessions they will stay the same. They mistook our confidence and self love for arrogance and our kindness as naive and weak. Yet, we eat pain for breakfast and see through all illusions. These narcissistic individuals didn't see their own value, they run off self hatred-- so they assumed we had no value and no worth. They go low, we go higher. When they use manipulation tactics, gaslighting, guilt, projections, belittling ect. We just watch and observe because we already can see through their old, outdated toxic tactics.

An apology without changed behavior is manipulation. These individuals live in constant denial, their lenses are constantly shrouded in illusion from the lies they tell themselves which is not actually the truth. They are in denial that they are in denial. They couldn't see the truth because their ego is protecting them. Their hearts were hardened by their childhood abuse and by society, by the people that didn't see the value in them, hurt people, hurt people.

We're not in competition with anyone, we have nothing to prove to anyone, we define our own success, we know what we've been through and survived even if we don't look like what we've been through. We're spiritual warriors, we are the peaceful wounded warrior in the garden not bothering anyone. Your attempts at destroying ascended masters will not succeed. It's not a trauma competition, it's not a " who went through more competition." You don't get to abuse us anymore just because you think that we need to be humbled. We have been humbled our entire life, we earned our self confidence and we earned our high rank in the spiritual realm, we don't need an award to validate our accomplishments.

But we will never lower ourselves, we will never become what they are. In fact, we're not worried about anything because we shift and change the people in our worlds by healing ourselves. When we are able to observe through the looking glass into different lower realities, we understand all we are there to do is observe and not absorb. We are the generational cursebreakers and we outnumber the dark ones who seek to lower our vibration.

The monitoring spirits, the spiritual warfare, the stalkers keep checking to see if we're homeless or dead. No, we're high on top of the mountain watching your attempts to sabotage and get information. We're untouchable, we operate out of love-not fear. How can you respond with vengeance to unconditional love and being seen for the first time? We always were naturally loving and empathic. But we evolved out of the darkness, we changed because we're supposed to change. We're not supposed to stay the same, our true self stays the same but the way our perception and consciousness expands is always changing and evolving.

Our being, our energy speaks for itself. Look at our track record of overcoming traumatic obstacles, all we ever do is overcome and win. We're grateful for all of our experiences, we learned so much wisdom from our pain and we bare it all because to be authentic in an inauthentic society is the most powerful, healing, heroic choice we could ever make to benefit and raise the frequency of the entire planet. I love you, I leave you with love and wish you peace and freedom. Abundance and ecstasy are yours for the taking, thank you for your service to Humanity. You are free, you don't have to worry or suffer anymore. You've suffered enough. Never give up. Never lower your divine self and hold on tight to God because God will never abandon you. You are so brave and so strong, keep going. Rest in God and know that you are not alone.

#rose messages #curse breakers

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thedelusionreaderbitch · 2 years

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Jason Grace with an hurt s/o

A/n: the reader is gn! btw

Request: hello, can I request Jason Grace x reader headcanons where him and his s/o are attacked by monsters which results in reader taking a serious hit for him, causing them to pass out for a day or two but they end up alright? Thank you!

Warnings: Some gore, dissociation, poison, injuries, swearing, I think that's it? You have been warned!

The three P's:

[Pronouns used: you/your] [Pov: second pov] [Pairings: (romantic) jason x reader]

So you guys aren't even on a quest or at camp (halfblood because I could care less for Jupiter-)

You people are actually just taking a walk, because it's fall right now and the leaves are pretty

Jason is usually always on his guard

But you just make him melt and he can't help but lower it around you

He regrets that when two fucking chimeras come out of seemingly no where to attack you both

You see them before Jason and bring out you're weapon to defend Jason and yourself

You're doing pretty good and Jason of course comes to help you

Pretty angry at himself for not realizing that they were there

And the fact that two demigods were out and about you were bound to get attacked

He didn't know what he was expecting honestly

Then he sees one the Chimeras charge after you so he goes to protect you

But he kinda forgets the other on is there

And it goes to attack him from behind so you leap in front of him without a second thought getting bitten from the monster

Jason hear's your scream, it's the only thing ringing in his mind

And rage takes over him

It consumes him, and a cloud thunders above you and lightning strikes the creatures

They're very dead

The thing is that ur on the ground bleeding from a wound in your side that's basically making you bleed out

Which is bad enough but when Jason scrambles over to go get you

Your side also as greens lines all over it

So probably poison

Then you both realize there's no ambrosia

Well fuck

Jason picks you gracefully ;)

You cry out in pain

You've never had an injury that has hurt this bad before

Like seriously as Jason starts moving everything hurts x100 more which isn't his fault

But to him it still feels like it

it literally feels like you're being burned alive

Stupid poison

The thing is that you can keep your eyes open

You're still conscious, you couldn't pass out for some reason

You wish you could've

Because the pain was so bad you were begging for jason to just knock you out somehow

At a certain point you started to dissociate from the pain and everything else

back to Jason

He feels like hes running a marathon for his life

But its for yours which is way worse for him, but somehow he got you back to camp

You guys weren't very far from camp but Jason could feel you slipping away when you went quiet and wouldn't talk anymore

At some part he started talking to you frantically trying to bring you back to reality

It didn't work and it was freaking him the fuck out

finally he got to camp w you

Boy was also kinda started flying on the way so it draws lots of attention from everyone in camp so they're all kinda crowding

"OUT OF THE WAY" Jason hollered

all of the kids scattered away as Jason rushed you to the infirmary

now over to you again

you're still in your disassociation state for a few days

you can bet your ass that Jason is blaming himself everyday you don't come back to him

he's just thinking; "What if I had seen it coming, what if I was faster..."

but the biggest thing he blamed himself for was being off his guard

the thing is though he never came to visit you, because he was just so guilt ridden, and he didn't know if he was physically or mentally capable to see you in that state

he hates those monsters

the apollo kids that are taking care of you are getting worried at this point and Will is the one to get Jason and tell him the news

he was distraught

finally he came to see you, and when he saw you, your cut had healed up but had left a nasty scar

you looked ragged not because the apollo campers weren't taking care of you but because he knows that's not how you style your hair and you would never dress in the clothes you're in now

you looked like a doll and someone was playing dress-up with

your blank stare was the worst though

because he could call your name and you would just look through him

Then he resorts to just pleading with you very close to tears

"Jason?" You asked, "What's wrong?"

Immediately he throws his arms around you

Will tells you what happened as Jason comforts you

"don't ever do anything like that again." He mumbles

"I can't promise anything." You say cheerfully.

The entire infirmary groans

-thedelusionreaderbitch

PJO Taglist: Nobody yet

#percy jackson #pjo headcanon #pjo #pjo x reader #jason grace headcanon #jason grace x reader #jason x reader #Jason Grace with an hurt s/o #jason grace x gn! reader #delusion writes #request

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 2 years

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Part 04 of 07

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader | platonic!Eddie X Reader

Word count: 1.9 K

<- Previous part (03)

Next part -> (05)

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

Summary: You didn't get over Billy's death, isolating yourself from everyone. But when a new monster starts making victims, the party has no other choice but to involve you... And ask you to give shelter to a metalhead.

A/N: Special thanks to my wonderful friend @multific for all her help through this story. I love you, girl!!

Hopes and Anchors

Nancy having guns doesn't surprise you. But that's only because you also have two yourself. And so, the small party starts to walk, flashlights on hand, careful and paying attention to the surroundings. Your ears and eyes are open, on high alert to anything out of the ordinary.

Robin leads, keeping the group's pace fast but cautious. Nancy and Steve are just behind her, but with time their pace grows slower, as they start to talk. And, to give them some privacy, you do the same. That's how you pair up with Eddie, and then, both of you stay even further behind the group but make sure they're always in your sight.

“What's up between those two?” Eddie asks after a while.

“They used to date. Then they broke up, now Nancy is with Jonathan but...” Shrugging your shoulders, you step over a particularly large vine. “I don't know, they're not doing very well, it seems. But I... I don't keep up anymore.”

“Can I say something? Something you probably won't like?” Furrowing your eyebrows, you look at him, nodding. “I think, whoever Billy was, he would want you to move on.” That makes you stop, a breath caught in your throat. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.”

“No, I...” Shaking your head, you clear your throat. “It's okay. I just don't talk about him since...”

“I don't think that's very healthy.”

“It hurts too much.”

“Wanna tell me about him?” He speaks fast, and you start to walk again. You know what he's doing. Eddie is trying to help, and it warms your heart a little. He's a good person. Which is obvious, or else Dustin wouldn't admire him so much. “I mean, everyone seems to know the guy, but I got to the party a bit too late.” He offers you a small smile.

And you find yourself smiling as well. “I met Billy on his first day at school. I literally ran onto him, so fast we both fell. He was so mad, and I was laughing so hard, I don't even remember why. Something clicked, I think. Because when we got up, we just looked at each other.” The memory brings a bright smile to your lips. “The next day the jerk offered me a ride home. One week after that, the first date. Ever since we were a thing. Girls used to hate me because I stole all of her chances to hook Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy. And despite not being in an official relationship, we were together.”

“Sounds like you were really into each other.” He says, almost slipping. You giggle and he gives you a fake angry stare.

“We were... But he... He never really said it. And I don't blame him, but...”

“But...”

You stop again, and this time, you don't cry. The pain is deep, still fresh, but maybe you're out of tears. “He said it when he was dying.” It comes out so low you're not sure Eddie heard you. “He died in my arms, sacrificed himself on his last sane moment after the Mind Flayer possessed him. He... He said he loved me... But I didn't have time to say it back.” Saying it after eight months hits you hard, and you fall on your knees, a hand on your stomach as you catch your breath.

“Hey.” Eddie kneels next to you, touching your arm. “He knew. Do you hear me? He knew it, he didn't have to hear it. He knew.”

Covering your face, you take deep breaths, trying to control yourself, get a grip of yourself. “W-what if he didn't? What if he didn't?”

“Did you make him feel loved? Did you ever try to make him feel loved?”

You did. Every single day, your mission was to show Billy he was loved, despite the awful things Neil told him. “Yes.”

“He knew. I promise you, he knew.”

Slowly, you calm yourself, forcing into silence all your racing thoughts and feelings. Taking your hands off your face, you suck in deep breaths, eyes on the forest ground. You're about to get up when something gets your attention. It reflects the dim light of this place, and it has you reaching out in the mud to see what it is, this thing that doesn't seem like it belongs on this dark forest floor.

Your movements are slow and lethargic, as you clean it from tiny dead leaves and mud. But then, you recognize it. A soundless yell escapes your lips as you hold it against your chest, your sight getting blurred as you feel yourself falling.

“(Y/N)!” Eddie's voice reaches out to you, but it sounds distant, miles away. “(Y/N), don't do this to me. (Y/N), what happened?” Arms come to surround you, and then you're being lifted. “Stay with me, okay? Stay with me, (Y/N).” He's starting to get desperate, but you're still lost in your stupor, hand clenched into a fist, holding tightly on to his earing. “Okay, you're okay.” He clears his throat. “She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories.” Eddie starts to sing, and you can hear his voice near your ear. “C'mon, stay with me. Where everything was as fresh as the blue bright sky.”

The music goes on for a while, until you slowly climb back to yourself, your eyes opening, and the weight of your discovery crashing over you. “What happened?”

“I don't know. She just fainted.” Eddie replies, and you feel yourself being put down.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), can you hear me?” Steve asks, and when you look at him, you wrap your arms around his neck.

That's when the crying starts. Messy, painful, desperate. “I found his necklace. I found his necklace. Billy's necklace, I found it, Steve. I found it.” You repeat over and over again.

“Alright. Shh. Let me see it. Hey.” He pulls away, looking down at you. “Let me see it.”

With shaking hands, you show it to him. Steve takes it carefully from your hand. “No way,” Nancy mutters, and you look at her appalled face.

“What does it mean?” You ask them, all of them. “What does it mean? He was wearing it. I remember. He was wearing it.”

“We need to find a way out of here,” Steve says, a hand on your cheek. “When we're safe back in Hawkins, we'll talk about this. Alright? I promise. But right now, we have to move.”

It's not fair. It's just not fair that you can't discuss this now, right freaking now... But you know he's right. And you don't have the brains to think now.

So you just move, with Eddie helping you through the way, as the others also have eyes on you. When you get to Nancy's house, you sit on the couch, still perplexed, still crying like a baby. You hear them talking about something. About the gun not being here, about the Upside Down being stuck somewhere in the past... But you can't follow. Your brain just can't process it now.

You're back in that dark place, unable to move, or think.

At some point, you notice you're lying against Eddie, your head on his shoulder as you deal with some sobbing. Clearing your throat and doing your best to wipe off the many tears rolling down your face, you move away from him. “Sorry... I didn't even notice.”

He looks at you, worry and sadness in his eyes. “It's alright. I don't mind, really. And you really need a shoulder to cry on.” Turning to stare at him, Eddie gives you the saddest smile you've ever seen. “Come, it's alright.”

His kindness makes you cry all over again, and you let yourself snuggle on him, eyes closed. Then, he starts to hum "Sweet Child O' Mine."

•••

Climbing through a gate on the ceiling and then falling was a very unusual experience. You hurt your arm by falling on a bad way, and then, there was the thing with Vecna taking Nancy. You almost lost your mind at the thought of losing Nancy too.

But Vecna only needed to pass on a message. The revelations had your mind spinning around, and you had to leave them to shower and rest. There was a fight when they forced you to get some sleep, with the promise of having a good plan for when you wake up.

You did feel like a baby, even more, when the babysitter himself came to tuck you in the bed. But you understand their worry. And you're thankful.

But what warms your heart, even more, is that, after half an hour of staring at the ceiling, when Eddie comes to check on you at Steve's request, he stays. Eddie sits next to you, singing your song in a low voice. Then, at some point, you grab his hand, just when you're about to close your eyes, and just hold it, as a way to ground you to reality. A scary, painful reality that stole your love from you, but the reality where your friends - your chosen family - live. So you need to stay grounded. And Eddie is pretty much being your anchor now.

You wake up suddenly, a breath caught up in your throat. “Rise and shine,” Eddie says, looking down at you.

“How long have I slept?” You mutter, looking at your joined hands. “Sorry about that.”

“No problem.” He says as you let go of his hand. “You needed it.”

“I did.” There's no reason to deny it. “Do they have a plan?”

“Probably. There was some yelling and arguing.”

“Then they have a plan.” Sitting up, you yawl. “You can shower if you want... There are still some clean clothes you can use, right?” Eddie nods. “I'll speak to them.”

“Can I wash my hair?”

The question and his slightly embarrassed face make you giggle. “If you don't mind your hair smelling like flowers.”

Eddie chuckles, rolling his eyes. “Girls and their flowers.”

As Eddie goes to the bathroom, you make your way to the living room to find what the battle plans are.

And you're not even a little bit surprised to know you'll be going to a gun store named "Warzone", just outside Hawkins. And you're far less surprised by how you intend on going there without risking anyone's car. For the first time, the party will have to do some stealing, but everyone here already committed a crime or two, and as long as it's for the greater good, you don't mind it at all.

And with that, you all prepare for the next day. Car theft, Warzone, Upside Down... And then, killing Vecna once and for all.

They all left without the promised talk about Billy's necklace, which you're wearing now around your neck now. But it's alright... You have plans of your own, that you mean to merge with their own.

@ietss @littestatesman @hanahisawizard @aaaaslaaaan @pans-fav-shank @gerim-1995 @what-the-heckin-heck @lady-ragnvindr @slutfor-muson @whiskeypowder @naiswrld @imagineslover88 @carolineesnell @boomhauer @browneyes528 @lem0ns77 @bdudette @thatsamegirl @spicykimchii

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fratricideknight · 9 months

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i just want to talk for a sec about 'perfect looks'. i used to be super into drawn characters and rl people who look quote unquote 'perfect' but now i've suddenly become really disillusioned with it. people who hit every single point on the perfect feature list are like blank white canvases. sure, there are no flaws. but that's because you didn't actually attempt anything... it's basic and boring. i'd take a wonky, imperfect painting which actually has something going on over a blank canvas any day. i'm not going to name any names and NO ONE ELSE had better do it, either, bc shaming people's appearances directly contradicts the point of this post. but when people proudly parade their faves around, talking about how perfect they are, i just . they have the most basic style bc their sponsors aren't willing to take any risks, they often have little to no personality to speak of in their public appearances bc their sponsors aren't willing to take any risks, and their faces and bodies look like 3d printouts bc their sponsors aren't willing to take any risks. i - in no way, shape, or form - blame people for wanting to use make-up or dress a certain way or get plastic surgery. the pressure to be perfect, which is dictated as having certain a certain set of attributes, is unbearable. but. i don't understand why people would celebrate the culling of diversity among facial and bodily features. if everyone looked the same it would be scary as hell. not to mention that someone being gone at by make-up artists and stylists and quite possibly plastic surgeons to the point that they looked like they've just rolled off a production line is grotesque. the dehumanising comparison makes me flinch, but the truth is that it is dehumanising. both treating someone like an object to be shaped and moulded, and attempting to strip someone of everything which makes them individual. when i see someone zooming in on a celebrity's - or otherwise - features, claiming that their nose is the wrong shape or their eyes aren't right and this makes them unattractive (and, quite often, inferior to the person's fave), i feel incredibly sad. well, no - first and foremost, i feel angry, because they're being a dickhead. but also, i feel sad. bestie. do you realise how goofy you sound claiming that there's a 'wrong nose shape' to have? especially considering you most likely have a 'wrong nose shape' yourself 😶 instead of being weirdly, freakishly pedantic about people's pores, please zoom out and just look at someone's face in isolation. chances are, they're really fucking attractive when you stop thinking about their relative 'rank' and scouring their face for flaws with a fucking microscope. selecting one photo of a person where they don't look as good and using this to claim they aren't attractive is quite possibly the saddest thing anyone could possibly do. these are human beings you're talking about. please get a grip. the truth is, on any human being, you will find something! a scar, a bit of asymmetry, blackheads, wayward eyebrow hairs, something. all of which serve to make their face more interesting. mainstream media will not change bc of this stupid post, but it should know that characters looking perfect all the time is disturbing. you should not wake up with a full face of makeup. you should not be smooth and scar-free when you're fighting a fucking zombie apocalypse. it makes them look like a doll, rather than a person! which they are, bc it's fictional, but immersion is kind of the point... stylists and make-up artists do amazing work! they give you a sense of characters' personalities and circumstances and make them look realistic for their setting. their purpose is not to make someone look "perfect" all the damn time! i can't even imagine how mind-numbingly boring it must be to do the same thing over and over. where's the individuality? where's the risk? where's the literal point of fashion and make-up?

every single industry in every single country does this, but a good example is k dramas. (if anyone starts up some 'those fucking asians' bullshit i will personally curse you to tread on a lego with every step for the rest of your life. this is just an example; it happens in your country, too - have some self-awareness and shut the hell up.) i used to be super into the way they make up characters in a lot of k dramas, and i don't blame anyone for liking it! it's just an aesthetic choice. but now i really don't like it. the characters being too luminous and perfect just looks odd to me. as with any film industry, only actors with select features are allowed to play main roles, so everyone ends up looking really similar once they've been made up in the exact same way as everyone else. these days, i'm just wondering where the dirt and the scars and the smile lines are. i know that dirt and scars etc. are made up in media to be perfect versions of themselves lmao, and it's still all smoke and mirrors, so i don't think of myself as morally superior for this. i just love to see and indulge in the beauty of people with a range of different features. i'm still shallow, and will probably enjoy a show more if i'm attracted to the cast, but at least i'm not expecting everyone to look uniform. i've improved.

in conclusion, if you want to make a character creepy as fuck, make them incongruously perfect. they don't lift their mouth enough when they smile because they want to avoid smile lines. their hair never falls a strand out of place, like it's locked in a vacuum. their skin is so smooth and clear it looks like their features have been painted on. legitimately terrifying

#movies #tv shows #mainstream media #mine #ri rants about something

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 2 years

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this is is infuriating from that last ask you answered. you were gross when you immediately jumped to. >>>crack open some old trauma and, yeah, just sit with it. cry, talk about it if and when you can, realize that shit, that was actually pretty fucked up and i shouldn't have had to deal with that. it's okay for that have fucked you up, that would have fucked anyone up. you don't need to run from that forever, you can just let it be. you aren't alone.

your life isn't about finding a romantic or sexual partner. when and if that happens, that's great, but that's not what you're born for, and it's definitely not the answer to all your problems. don't hurt yourself on the sharp rocks of other people just because you're scared of who you are when you're not performing for someone else. it's hard and it's scary, but you have to make peace with that person. sit with them, accept them for who they are.<<<

why do you assume this person is broken because they can't find someone? maybe there are other factors you dont know?

tell me what words of broken reassurance do you have for us allos who spent decades having done this ableistic work which is apparently required to be loved in your book?what have you got for those of us who treated our traumas, managed our lives into something beautiful and are good with being alone but just,uh, don't want to be alone?

Because not everyone allo who is dating with ferocity is someone has neglected their hurt and has ignored their aloneness. some of us have spent DECADES coming to term with old hurts, processing what was wounded, learning how to communicate in healthy ways, set good boundaries, be alone for 10 or 15 years and be happy tha way and then realized "nope, I'd like to be with someone to share my life for the rest of my life and build something with."

Instead of being dismissive infantalisizing and ablesist about an allo who came to you for help - what are your suggestions for someone who is happy with basically everything else but their dating life? cuz i'm fucking sick of this assumption that people who are dating **dont** like their lives and **dont**like themselves and **can't** be alone. we can. we are.

we are allowed to want this too.

being romantic is not actually a trap you know. we are working on not push it on the aroace community? but don't belittle or blame trauma on us for wanting it. it's cruel and it's fucking insulting.

yeah okay i'm gonna need you to take about ten BIG steps back and refrain from pushing your bad faith interpretations of my words, which were specifically directed at ONE person who specifically asked ME for advice on THEIR situation, into my mouth where they do not belong.

i literally did not say any fucking thing that you are accusing me of saying. you are incredibly out of pocket here and frankly i am not going to waste energy i do not have explaining why you're wrong and how i didn't say the things you are claiming i said, nor do i believe the things you're claiming i believe.

chill the FUCK out my dude and stop wildly misinterpreting things to make yourself angry. think about learning to give people the benefit of the doubt, and, if you think someone said something you disagree with, approach them politely instead of jumping straight to accusing them of being a disgusting bigot.

bye.

#anonymous #ask

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

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Can you understand why you saying 'ok well I guess my only option is to kill myself' is just more of this toxic behavior? In your other posts you were talking about how your mom doesn't deserve basic respect and that you were totally righteous in what you were doing, and when you get called out it's 'I guess I should just kill myself' as if you can't just make better choices? You chose to treat your mom like trash and you can choose in this moment to be a better person. The source of the problem is that you think certain people don't deserve to be treated with respect and you blame others for your own reactions, which are both perspectives you can easily shift if you want to. Just take ownership of yourself, put yourself in others' shoes more and reflect on the issues that cause you to react such as narcissism and borderline. I'm sorry if I'm wrong but it feels like you're acting out the 'cry' part of crybully rather than showing genuine remorse for how you treat people, just so that people will backtrack and comfort you and tell you the things you want to hear, which i'm sure many people will now because attracting enablers through pity is a classical narcissist pattern. Stop looking for an out and face yourself and your flaws and stop using this idea of 'I can't change' as an excuse to just give up because everyone can change if they really want to

I've gone to therapy for years. I've tried different medicine for years. I spent so many trips as a minor being an inpatient doing DBT for years. I've had therapists tell me my mom won't let me set boundaries and she wears me down until I do what she wants. Now I can't stand for myself without getting angry because I'm never listened to. She always told me everyone only sided with me because I lied and manipulated them? But I've never tried to do that? I've never wanted to do that? All I've ever said is how I felt. Have I just been living my entire life not knowing I was am absolute monster?

Have I just been WRONG whenever I felt like someone did something bad to me? Was everything always my fault?

I try to tell people over and over "hey please don't do this, please don't do that, hey, I keep gently reminding you I need XYZ" whether it's at work or home and I just get ignored or talked over or blamed. Even my own fucking managers are leaving sticky cans of energy drinks in my work area, my fucking managers can't even do really basic picking up after themselves when I'm literally the only night employee

I scheduled a day off to try and go with my mom to the dentist and also because I needed to go to the doctor and im only gone 2 days and I come back and everything is not only exactly where I left it, but my work was, undone by someone else shoving everything together, not separating things, literally undoing everything I spent my whole shift doing, and then I have to spend time cleaning up after them, and then I run out of shelves because they didn't work anything out, and then I'm asked "Miranda why didn't you do 5 or 6 pallets on your shift? Why is there still a bag of trash here?" And it won't even be mine

Have I just been secretly incompetent and stupid and pathetic my entire life, even as I was doing my best? Even as I was trying to be a good friend? Even as I've barely held myself together? Was I just actually being a manipulative freak that whole entire time?

Then I don't deserve to be better. I don't deserve for anyone to have sympathy. If I can try and try and nothing I can do is seeming to fix things or impr9ve things or at least help others, then my life is pointless. Then I have no worth.

I didn't even know I was lying to myself this whole entire time

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one-abuse-survivor · 1 year

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hi! 🦈 anon here

thank you for your response, im glad you have been able to go on hormones too ^^

my moms birthday did already pass, and i did not go to that because another trip came up. im glad that trip came up, my godmother was literally about to buy plane tickets and gift them to me before she knew i wasnt going to be able to go. but i know i will have to go for christmas. either that or my mom will come visit me. or worse, both. she keeps talking about how long it has been since we have seen each other (which makes no sense, i literally went back to my home country to see my family in fucking july, thats not that long ago)

she seems to ignore talking about me being trans most of the time and she says that this is because it upsets me, so she just deadnames and misgenders me all the time, even "correcting" me when i gender myself properly and telling me about how everyone always tells her that they think im so pretty etc. she also said that this entire situation has been making her feel even worse than the time my dad died

im worried because she keeps kind of noticing changes in me (voice change, weight gain, fat/muscle redistribution) and asking about them, but i keep trying to deflect or blame something else for them

i just wish i could finally come out to everyone else. that would be nice. but i know she would break down and ask me why i did that to her and to myself. she literally gets offended and very sad if i dont tell her i love her at the end of our calls or if i dont talk to her for a few days

sorry for the long vent, im just a bit lost, ig

Hi again, nonnie! I'm really sorry this has been going on with your mom and that she's been not only deadnaming and misgendering you, but even correcting you when you gender yourself properly. What the fuck?! I really hope you haven't had to see her again since you sent this ask. You deserve so much better than to have people like her in your life.

It's so horrible that you know she'd make it about herself if you came out, and about how you could "do that to her". This is your life we're talking about. Your autonomy. This is not about her in ANY capacity, and I'm sure you already know this, but her emotions about you being trans or coming out are not your responsibility. Her feeling worse about your transition than about your dad's death is not your responsibility. And if you come out and she gets angry, or sad, or breaks down, or has a mental health crisis over it, that would not be your business or your responsibility to deal with or mitigate. And also, the fact she's making all of this about herself and her feelings is extremely guilt-trippy and really, really unfair to you.

I'm sorry to hear you feel lost. It's no wonder, what with everything that's been going on. I thankfully haven't had to deal with such blatant transphobia, just microaggressions, but... I've been feeling lost too, and I would like to share an article about transition that's really helped me recently. No pressure to read it, though, of course!

I really hope things are going a little bit better and you've liked the changes from T so far! Please feel free to let me know if you want to! Sending the biggest virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #🦈 Anon #Transphobia tw #Abuse tw #Deadnaming #Misgendering #Guilt tripping tw #Abusive mother tw #Emotional abuse tw #Vent #Death mention

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colormanofficial · 1 year

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12 Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Don’t Use

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others. It's also the ability to use that knowledge to your advantage in social situations. Emotionally intelligent people are aware that communication is a two-way street, and that their words have an impact on those around them. So, they pay close attention to what they say and they tend to avoid certain phrases. It's not that these phrases are inherently bad; it's just that they often have the opposite effect of what is intended. Check out the following and see if any of these sound all too familiar!

Number 1 - I don’t care When someone says this, they quite literally mean that they don't give a damn about your thoughts and feelings. They're not going to listen to what you have to say or even try to understand why you feel the way you do. This can be hurtful and insulting and it can make you feel small and unimportant. Emotionally intelligent people are actually very sensitive to others' feelings, which is why they strive to be as thoughtful and considerate as possible. They’re careful not to say such things because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. They know that everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, and they respect that right even when they disagree with it!

Number 2 - You have no choice This phrase is emotionally manipulative, and it makes you feel like your choices are restricted; like you are trapped by a circumstance or situation. It's a way of saying that there's no other option but this one. And while it's true that we don't always have a choice in all matters, it's also true that we always have a choice in how we respond to the things that happen to us. It may not feel like it at first, but there are always options. And being emotionally intelligent means being able to look for them.

Number 3 - I don't want to fight, but… Saying this phrase is basically an invitation for a fight. It's like saying, "I know what I'm about to say is going to piss you off, but here it goes anyway." When someone says this, they're trying to resolve something in a way that will end with them being right and you being wrong. They might even be trying to make you feel guilty or angry, so they can prove their point. It's also a way of avoiding responsibility for their own feelings and actions by putting you on the defensive. Emotionally intelligent people know that arguing is a waste of time and energy both for them and the other person involved. Rather than argue about how one person might be right or wrong, it's better to work together to find a solution that makes everyone happy.

Number 4 - That’s your problem, not mine This phrase is a common one in our culture, but emotionally intelligent people know that it’s just a way of shirking responsibility and blame. When someone is upset or struggling, they don’t need to be told that their situation is theirs to deal with and that no one else can help them. They need to be shown that someone cares about them and has their back. So instead of being insensitive and dismissive, emotionally intelligent people offer their help, even if it's just listening to you venting.

Number 5 - I know exactly how you feel When someone says this to you, what they're really saying is, "I have experience with this exact situation, so I understand how you're feeling." But here's the thing: we all have our own unique set of experiences, and the way we feel in response to those experiences is going to be different from person to person. One can guess and empathize, but they'll never know for sure. Emotionally intelligent people don't like to assume they know what you're feeling. If you need an empathetic ear, they will listen and validate your feelings, but they won’t try to claim that they understand exactly what you're going through.

Number 6 - Everyone else is doing it While it's true that a lot of people use this phrase to justify their actions, emotionally intelligent people know that it's not a good reason to do something. Whatever it is, there’s a pretty good chance that not everyone else is doing it… And even if they are, that doesn't mean you should too. You have to make your own decisions based on your own values and beliefs, and most importantly, by doing your own research, not just following along with what other people are doing.

Number 7 - I told you so This phrase is often used as a way to gloat about something. It's not about helping you learn from your mistakes; it's about making you feel bad for making those mistakes in the first place. Emotionally intelligent people know that everyone makes mistakes, and they want to be supportive of others and not bring them down by reminding them of their shortcomings. Also, they can empathize with the other person and imagine how they would feel if they were in that situation. They know you’ve already realized that you messed up, so there's no need to rub it in your face.

Number 8 - "It's not hard" Whoever says this phrase, is implying that they have no trouble doing something and therefore, it must be easy. They're actually minimizing the effort of others and making it seem like they are more capable than everyone else. Emotionally intelligent people know that what is easy for one person may not be so easy for another. So, instead of focusing on the difficulty level of a task or project, or really, just about anything, they focus on the outcome and how it will actually benefit you.

Number 9 - Whatever you want People who use this phrase are often hoping that someone else will make the decision for them, so they don’t have to. They may be afraid of making the wrong choice or feeling guilty about what they want. This phrase can also imply that everyone is interchangeable and that any choice will be equally good for everyone involved. Emotionally intelligent people know that this is not true. Everyone has different tastes and preferences and may not enjoy the same things that others do. For this reason, they're more assertive in their communication in order to help make the best decision possible.

Number 10 - Someone has to tell you… Saying this phrase really is just an attempt for someone to try and make you feel bad for making choices that are different from theirs. They also don't understand that there are many factors involved in how we make decisions, from our past experiences to our current momentary moods, and so they believe that if someone chooses differently, it's because they're stupid or wrong. Emotionally intelligent people understand that everyone has their own experiences and can come to their own conclusions about what is best for them. They don't feel the need to force their opinion on others or make them feel bad for making a different choice.

Number 11 - You're overreacting This is a common response to someone who is having a strong emotional reaction. It's often used to dismiss the feelings of others; to suggest that the way they feel isn't valid. But emotionally intelligent people know that emotions are important and that there are many reasons why our feelings can be intense. They understand that when someone is feeling strong emotions, it's not necessarily because they don't see things clearly or because they're being irrational; maybe they just need to be heard and felt understood. Even if you seem to be overreacting to an event or situation, emotionally intelligent people will take the time to find out why you're reacting so strongly instead of dismissing your feelings entirely.

Number 12 - It is what it is When someone says this, they're essentially saying that there's nothing that can be done to change the situation. They're admitting defeat, perhaps before they even try. It's not that emotionally intelligent people don't want to accept reality, but it's a phrase that isn’t helpful at all. Yes, things do happen, and sometimes there's no changing them; however, saying "it is what it is" shuts down any possibility for improvement.

Emotionally intelligent people know that even when things are difficult or seemingly hopeless, usually there are still solutions. You just have to look for them. Of course, we all have our moments. We get frustrated, feel like giving up sometimes, and it's not always easy to keep our cool when things get tough. But if you want to be a better leader, employee, friend, or partner, if you want to be known for your emotional intelligence, then it's time to drop these phrases from your vocabulary!

After all, they don't help anyone; not the person saying them, not the person hearing them. If you enjoyed this video, give it a thumbs-up, and share it with your friends, so we can keep making them. For more videos like this, hit the subscribe button, and remember to click on the notification bell. Also, be sure to check out our other videos as well.

12 Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Don’t Use

#love #relationships #psychology #selfimprovement #motivation #interesting #interesting facts #self-improvement

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peanutpinet · 3 years

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Trouble In Paradise (Yuzuru Hanyu x Reader)

Request: "I was thinking of figure skater!reader x Yuzuru Hanyu, where they are dating and doing Fantasy on Ice. One night, where reader is especially exhausted she gets into an argument with him. During the following show, the audience and fellow skaters notice that something is wrong especially after she gave up her place as the first jumper at the end to Evgenia when Alina wanted to do it and she tried to stay as far away from Yuzuru the whole show when he tried to make amend with her. Later that night, they reconcile. The next day, it was in every news that reader prefers Evgenia over Alina and was in conflict with Yuzuru. So reader has to make an official "apology" to explain that she was exhausted" - @thehappygrungelife

A/N: this is actually my first request from Tumblr and I'm very grateful to the person who asked for a request and I really hope I do it a justice

Warning: angst + fluff (happy ending), some cursing and heated argument

It was another day of practice for FaOI (Fantasy on Ice) and for some reason, you were not in your best shape. You would constantly be off beat compared to others and even when it was your turn to practice your performance, it was all but good; it wasn't even near your "ok" performance.

Okay, maybe it wasn't because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The other day you've been pushing yourself quite hard and it was the first day of your period. To top it off? The only thing your boyfriend, Yuzu did was telling you that it'll be alright and one bad day won't do any harm since everyone has those days.

I mean, who could blame him, practice isn't always easy when you're not into it. The whole entire day, you just prayed that practice would be over as soon as possible but of course, the more you want time to go by, the longer it actually is.

After what feels like days, practice was finally over and you were all dismissed to go back to your hotel. But despite feeling rough, you decided to wait for Yuzu since you just wanted to sulk and complain to him. But when you saw Yuzu talking with other female skaters, you decided to just leave in your grumpy state.

Throughout the rest of the day, you kept on ignoring all the notifications you got from Yuzu. Every message, every phone call, you ignored them all. Until you heard a knock on the door to your hotel room. Thinking it was the room service you ordered but it turns out to be a not pleased Yuzu.

"Where were you? I've called you so many times. Did you even check your phone?!" Yuzu questioned, his tone was immediately an octave higher

"It was charging. I'm trying to not look at my phone too much. It stresses me out" you shrugged, going back to your bed and looking at your laptop

"What's the difference with your laptop then?! You know what, never mind. Do you know how worried I was?! I thought something happened to you" Yuzu sighed, stress combing his hair

"Oh, now you noticed. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. You should head back and rest. Our show is literally tomorrow" you mentioned, not looking away from your laptop

"What's with you? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?!" Yuzu started to get worried

"Nothing much. Just another tiring day. I'm serious Yuzu, just go. You need your rest too" you replied, sighing

"Why? Why are you pushing me away?! We barely talked today" Yuzu complained

"I'm just tired and on my period. Can we please not have this conversation. I don't want to lash out at you" you sighed, getting up from the bed

"Why? Why would you lash out? C'mon, let's just talk. I'm worried about you" Yuzu mentioned, taking your hands in his

"Why don't you just go back to the other skaters. I really am not in the mood to talk. Just go" you groaned, letting your hands go

"This talk isn't over (Y/N). You can be mad at me but we still have to talk it through. Get some rest, alright?" Yuzu sighed in defeat, leaving you in your room

Oh how you wish you could just make the whole week go by as fast as Thanos' snap. But, like it or not, you just have to face it and get through cause eventually it'll all be over.

Unfortunately, the other skaters and even the audience knew that something was wrong. Your typical bubbly and enthusiastic self was nowhere to be seen. Sure, you managed to perform your skating until the end, but it seems something was off. Your expression didn't lie.

What threw it off even more is when you were supposed to be the first jumper before the closing but you decided to let Zhenya do it, telling her that you weren't feeling well and your period cramps were acting up more than the usual and because Zhenya was the closest to you.

After the performance was over, there were many words going around and the media started to bring up some news about you preferring Zhenya over Alina to do the first jump. When the news started to blow up, Yuzu was the first to try to find you and talk about why you did what you did; not only that, he also wanted to talk about why you've been avoiding him since last night and even during the whole event.

However, the second the staff told everyone to go backstage, you were the first to leave the stage because your period cramps were getting unbearable and you quickly excused to be able to go back to the hotel on your own, trying to get away from the media who were plastering questions to why you decided to give your first jump spot to Zhenya.

Over on Yuzu's side, his eyes were traced on you throughout the whole show. Especially when you gave up your first jump spot for someone else when you normally are enthusiastic to do it. When Yuzu saw you quickly going backstage, he didn't hesitate to follow you. Calling out for you and asking you to talk but he lost sight of you and you eventually went out of the room before he could get to you, sparking another drama for the media.

Throughout the rest of the day, you just shut any kind of way for people to contact you and just passed out since the period cramps were getting to you. You didn't know how long you've been sleeping until you heard several, no, multiple knocks on your door that could probably be heard throughout the floor you were staying.

Grunting, you finally woke up and headed towards the door, opening it and revealed Yuzu, your boyfriend and the person you honestly don't really want to talk to but at the same time, relieved that it was him instead of someone else. Sighing, you knew that you were going to have the talk sooner or later. So, you finally let him in, telling him that you just woke up.

"Before you ask anything. I just woke up" you mentioned, closing the door as Yuzu came in

"What happened? Are you sick? You didn't seem too well. If you were sick, you could've said so instead of pushing yourself and not putting on your best performance" Yuzu started to lecture

"Yuzu..." you mumbled

"Like honestly. I was worried. We're all worried about you but you kept pushing us away" Yuzu argued

"Yuzu!! Stop!!" you raised your voice back

"No. Look, I get it if you're tired but that doesn't mean you should just push people away" Yuzu argued back

"YUZURU HANYU!! I SAID. STOP IT" you shouted, stunning Yuzu since he never saw you this angry

"Please. I'm already tired from a stressful week and my period just came yesterday and the cramps were unbearable even when I've taken medication" you sighed, plopping back on your bed as Yuzu follows you

"Not only that. I was hoping to be able to have a night of just the both of us yesterday but you were talking to other skaters and I don't want to seem so clingy or anything. I also don't want to be mad at you since my mood swings during my period is not the greatest. But guess the media thought otherwise" you explained

"Hey, hey, look at me. Why didn't you say anything? No one would've ever thought something like that, hmm? Especially me. You're not clingy at all. I actually like it you know. Makes me feel more loved and wanted. It's actually one of the things I like about you. What bout letting Zhenya jump first? Was it also because of your period?" Yuzu softly asked, holding your hands in his as he kneeled in front of you

"Yea. And Zhenya was the closest to me. I swear there's no hate going around or anything" you replied, sighing

"Alright. Let's not worry about that. We can deal with the media tomorrow. I'm just glad that you're alright. Please tell me whenever you don't feel well or if something doesn't sit right with you, okay? No matter what reason it is. No matter if you think it's silly, I want to hear about it. We're in this together. Whatever your problem is, it's my problem too and I want to help you" Yuzu reminded, holding your hand tightly in his

"Okay. I'm sorry for making you and everyone else worry" you mumbled

"It's alright. Just don't hide anything from me anymore okay? Now let's just rest. I'll help you deal with the media tomorrow, hmm?" Yuzu mentioned, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead

"Are you staying?" you murmured, looking into his eyes

"If you want me to. If not, I'll just stay until you're asleep" Yuzu replied, patting your head

"You can stay. I don't feel like I'll be able to sleep anytime soon since I did just take a long nap" you mentioned

"Alright. Then I'll stay here to comfort you. Let's just watch a film, hmm? I'll order some room service" Yuzu mentioned, going over to the phone to call for room service but you stopped him

"Thank you, Yuzu. I really am lucky to have you" you smiled, looking at Yuzu with eyes full of love

"And I am too. I'm thankful to have you as well. Thankful that you're able to make me warmer and more open to others" Yuzu giggled, taking your hand and kissing it

In the end, the both of you just cuddled up in your bed and watched some movies to end the night, thanking the universe for bringing the both of you together. Because, in the end of the day, no matter what difficult situations you may face, with the right person, you can get through it.

A/N: @thehappygrungelife I hope that I did your request a justice and hope that you like it :)

#yuzuruhanyu #yuzuru #yuzuru hanyu x reader #yuzuru hanyu scenarios #yuzuru hanyu imagines #yuzu scenarios #yuzu imagines #yuzuru hanyu fluff #yuzuru x reader #figure skating yuzuru hanyu #figureskating #figure skating #figure skating scenarios #figure skating imagines

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astraltrain · 3 years

Text

watching tommy's exile meeting vod from december 2nd, will update with things i find interesting as i watch

"if the roles were reversed, i wouldn't even think about exiling you" - tommy. haha foreshadowing for the actual exile haha

tommy: you have bees.

tubbo: i do have bees!

tommy: if they all died, that'd be fuckin...

tubbo: that'd be awful. probably all of humanity would die with them.

...

"i am addressing the elephant in the room, which is me. although i am not the size of an elephant. in height i am! not in weight. if i was the size of an elephant though -" *laughs* "if i was stretchy, this world would be real different right now." what goes on in tommyinnit's mind.

tommy preemptively preparing everyone for him to fuck up the meeting and no one listening... tommy knowing he was going to ruin it for himself and knowing he'd somehow let tubbo down.... fuuuuuck

tubbo: minutes man, we summon you!

ranboo, materializing in the seat next to tubbo with a book and quill in hand: hey

tommy: what the FUCK,

we all talk about wilbur's acting with his facecam, but tommy does it a lot too. the way he rolls his eyes and shakes his eyes with a confident smirk every time dream speaks, the way he looks shocked when things go wrong. goddamn

jack manifold watching the whole meeting, listening the whole time, just following them around with very little input. hmmmm

he was taunting him. the fucker knew

tubbo desperately wanted a way out for tommy. he wanted to give him probation to escape whatever dream had planned. he never ever wanted to do what he had to do.

dream: "tommy, let the adults speak." hmm, sounds familiar... almost like a line techno would repeat almost exactly a month later, when talking with dream about the favour.

he was taunting him the whole meeting. trying to provoke tommy into snapping.

"this isn't some "insanity arc," i'm not following down wilbur's path!" ouch ok tommy

the way tubbo's voice flattened in tone when he said "you're speaking out of line." he knew tommy had fucked it from the moment he brought out spirit.

god, the second it seemed tommy knew what he was doing, fundy and quackity were on his side. tubbo was the only one who remained serious the whole time, knowing dream had something up his sleeve.

everyone turning on tubbo the second it seemed like they were winning because he was the only one to realize something was wrong. fuck, man

"i don't give a FUCK about spirit." holy shit way to pop off with the voice acting???

the fact that c!tommy genuinely can't imagine being unable to care about things because himself and c!dream are such polar opposites when it comes to attachment. tommy loves with ALL his heart, he cares so deeply and so warmly and so fiercely. dream cares for nothing unless it gives him an edge, an advantage. that's why tommy was certain that holding spirit's remains over dream would help them win. he couldn't picture being unable to care about anything.

"l'manberg can be independent, but l'manberg can't be free." *dream leaves the call.* DANGGGG

tubbo, very softly and calmly: "tommy. you had one job." hoooly shit

the way tubbo snapped at quackity and fundy and began to argue with them while tommy zoned out and stared at dream as he began to extend the walls upwards in disbelief. god

"you couldn't do one thing for me! you couldn't do one! you couldn't do one thing, and it was for your own good! so yeah, if the roles were reversed, you probably wouldn't have exiled me - because i would have actually listened! i would have had a couple ounces of respect! ... you've messed this up for no one but yourself." *pause* "you're selfish." c!tubbo.... :stress:

RANBOO STANDING UP FOR TOMMY???? RANBOO SPINE ARC??????

"tubbo, you said that tommy was selfish. that he doesn't care about anyone else. that's not true. i robbed george's house too. i did it with him. but in court, he said that it was just him. he could have pinned the blame on me, he could have said it was me, there was evidence it was me - but he didn't. he's not selfish. he can't be selfish. me and tommy robbed george's house. we didn't mean for it to burn. we didn't want to burn anything down." HOLY FUCK WHY HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS SCENE BEFORE

tommy: tubbo, you can't become what you hate. you can't become the next schlatt. if you exile me, you're following in that man's footsteps.

tubbo: .. ok. well, if i can't be the next schlatt, you can't be the next wilbur.

ouch

tommy: the only thing dream wants is the one thing i care about. *realizes, glances at ranboo* well, not the one thing.

tubbo, deadpan: mhm. the one thing you care about.

literal chills from tubbo's voice acting what the FUCK

"what do YOUUU think, connoreatspants?" ok now we're onto the lighter stuff thank god hakshsksjk

fundy: so if eventually the people choose not to exile tommy... what happens to l'manberg?

tubbo, about to come up with a serious answer: i guess -

tommy: it gets fucking simpsons movie'd, bro, we get boxed in

tubbo, immediately breaking character: I LOVE THAT MOVIE

tommy: this guy's a wrongun, ranboo.

techno, literally just vibing: •_•

tommy explaining server history to ranboo? telling ranboo that techno was at fault for the crater of l'manberg? wuh oh

"wilbur died in action, so he didn't live long enough to face the consequences." o h

tommy taking ranboo to the bench to watch the moon go down, not turning to see the sunrise like usual. hey i could make symbolism out of this

TOMMY THANKING RANBOO FOR STICKING UP FOR HIM.... ALLIUMDUO REAL

c!tommy has nightmares about wilbur, huh. interesting interesting interesting interesting

"i knew that if tubbo was president... it would pull us apart, ranboo." IMAGE OF A CAT CRYING HERE

ranboo and connor's first meeting being tommy getting ranboo to help him evict connor from his house hsksbskdjsk

connor: "never trust a british man. that's what my parents taught me, in the 1800s." IMMORTAL CONNOR HAS ALWAYS BEEN REAL WE WERE ALL SO BLIND

LITTLE PENIS LAND

FJDKDHDK JACK APPEARING TO ADVERTISE MANIFOLD LAND

"hey jack you've actually just been exiled from this land here" "no" I FORGOT HOW FUNNY THESE TWO WERE

monkaS

tommy: i've never seen dream that angry.

ranboo: well, this is the first time i've actually ever heard him speak

tommy: oh

OH MY GOD WAS THIS THE DAY THAT TUBBO MADE THE JOKE ABOUT C!WILBUR BEING DEAD TO FUNDY AND HE ENDED STREAM AND LEFT BAHAHAHA

"this is a very wide taco stand" i love dream smp lore

"i don't wanna go. there is no wilbur anymore. i'm on my own. i don't want to be on my own." OK NEVERMIND GO BACK TO THE TACO STAND LORE

wow ok that really was just IT, huh. what the hell man that was heartbreaking

in conclusion. ouch

#dream smp #tommyinnit #tubbo #ranboo #THIS TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE SO IM ADDING TAGS OK

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justwonder113 · 3 years

Text

Midnight adventures

Matsukawa Issei x f.reader

WARNING: Angst to fluff, Slowburn, friends to lovers, mutual pining, kinda long and decent amount of cursing cuz I have no shame. Both reader and Matsun are kind of dumb.

word count 6.5k

You loved him, you really did, even though he sometimes drove you out of your mind and made you want to bash his head against the wall. And he knew that. He knew what kind of effect he had on you and he was amused by it. He knew just to push the right buttons, he knew how to rile you up.

You were like an open book to him, so of course he knew you had a crush on him from the start, and you knew that he was aware of your feelings. At first, you were reluctant and refused to admit having the slightest feelings for him, but after some time you accepted the fact and realized that at some point you made your feelings seem obvious. Well, he was your first actual crush, and you were inexperienced.

Your friends would also tease you a lot and at some point, they locked you two together so you could finally confess. It was after their match against shiratorizawa in the third year. That was the day you had your first kiss with him, honestly, you didn't know what happened that night, one moment you were arguing with him because he wanted to leave the team, you were basically yelling how amazing player and teammate he was and the next second you were kissing each other. You expected that after he would confess to you, but he never did. He acted with you like the kiss never happened and that really broke you.

Maybe that is why after all these years you decided to move away, both literally and emotionally. You spent all your high school years waiting for him, waiting for him to make a move, but before you knew it you graduated. You finished school not even holding hands with another boy because you thought he felt the same, you thought that maybe you could be together? But now you realized that it was all load of bullshit. Why did you have to go so far for a person who didn't care about you that much? Why did you have to hold back when he never said no to all the attention he got from girls? You knew that they meant nothing to him and that he only saw them as one-time flings but it still really hurt you. Did you even mean something to him?

You felt mad at yourself, you wasted all these years swooning over someone who didn't return your feelings. But the thing that angered you the most was that you still weren't over him. Your heart would still flutter like crazy whenever you saw him and as much as you hated it he looked better and better every time. You also hated the fact that you couldn't blame him for all this pain, you couldn't tell that you were heartbroken because he didn't love you, that wasn't much of a reason. You were the silly one here. Why were you even surprised? He knew you for years as friends. He probably only saw you as a friend and considered the kiss as a mistake.

To be honest, he never did anything wrong, he always treated you warmly, and with respect, he liked to piss you off but he never really crossed the line, you couldn't blame him for not loving you. You guys kissed like one time, he probably regretted it and didn't want to hurt your feelings that's why he never brought it up after that. He gave you space. He didn't tell you in your face that he didn't return your feelings, he never broke your heart, you were just the silly one, clinging tightly to that miserable string of hope. You were the weak one for falling for him. It would have been better if he screwed up, if he told you that he could never look at you romantically, maybe it would make you feel a little better, your heart would break but you would get over it? But no destiny said that he had to be perfect.

When you moved away to University you promised yourself that you would start everything from the fresh page, you would work on yourself and no longer be that helpless girl who couldn't even get over her crush. You spent months working on your self-confidence and other issues, you spent countless time getting yourself into shape. Let's say you worked on yourself pretty hard. And it paid off, you had finished university and were about to start your dream job, you had gotten an offer many would dream of, you did everything you wanted, you even got in a few relationships, you should have been satisfied right? Then why didn't feel so? Why was there a feeling of emptiness inside your soul and why was no one able to fill it? It made you furious, after all these years, how could you not move on? Why did you Think about Matsukawa when you kissed other men? Why did you keep comparing everyone to him? What did he even do to deserve a permanent place in your heart? Your heart still kept beating like crazy and it's been what? years? you were in your twenties already, you needed to move on!

You were back in the city to celebrate your friends' victory over his rivals. Oikawa being the flashy person he is decided to throw the biggest party possible and now here you were. You knew you would meet him here, he was his friend as much as you after all, but you didn't expect it to hurt this much. As you said time really had done its job on him, he looked more mature now, he was slightly taller and definitely more muscular, he decided to grow his hair too, you always knew that he would look amazing with slightly longer hair, he had also gotten a few tattoos that were seen through his rolled-up black shirt. Man, did it suit him, the shirt was a bit tight fit and it really complimented his muscular form. The tattoos looked amazing on him and were these rings he was wearing? And piercings! And he had his nails painted black, Really life? He looked like your dream man, thank you very much for nothing!

You knew you would run into him today and you tried to look your best, you knew it was silly but you felt like showing off, but after seeing him you felt kind of self-conscious. You wondered if your dress was a good choice, you chose it as it hugged your curves perfectly and really complimented them but now you were wondering if it was too much. Was your hair alright? You hoped it didn't get frizzy. Oh god, why was everyone staring at you? Your lipstick didn't smudge, right? Even though you were having a war inside your head it simply washed away in an instant as you saw the face of your best friend who was grinning like crazy. You quickly headed to her and engulfed them in a tight hug. God, you missed themso much! You felt lucky just by having them in your life, and they really helped you get through with your issues,they were with you every step of the way and you couldn't be more thankful. If it wasn't for them and your friends you doubted you would be standing here right now. Even though you still felt self-conscious sometimes like now overall you were a pretty confident person who radiated power. Even when you felt weak you managed to look powerful. Maybe this was your resting bitch face? You didn't know. You felt thankful that he didn't notice you he was too busy talking with some woman, typical.

"I missed you so much! Can't believe I'm seeing you after all this time. I really missed you all. And meeting on an occasion like this we just have to celebrate our reunion, I knew Oikawa would beat their asses someday," you grinned proudly. "Okay, I'm getting carried away, I really missed you tho. We have to catch on, let's ditch your them later and have some fun!" You ranted as you occasionally squeezed your best friend who kept chuckling.

"Now now Y/N-chan, you just came back don't go stealing my friends from me!" Oikawa came out of nowhere and snatched your best friend away from you, you pouted but chuckled in the end.

"Can't make promises Flattykawa. And in my defense, I knew them longer." You teased and made a face at him, Oikawa fake gasped and clutched his heart a smile never leaving his face. You missed this idiot and his dramatic shenanigans so bad.

"Again with a nickname! Y/F/N-chan she's being mean!" Your friend only chuckled at Oikawa's childlike behavior and patted his hand.

"She has a point tho." Your friend teased along.

"Betrayed by you too! What else should I expect today?" He whined, you only chuckled and opened your arms.

"I really missed you, you dork! I'm really proud of you," you said sweetly, Oikawa immediately hugged you, you smiled at the familiar warmth, Oikawa has been like an annoying brother to you, you weren't used to not hearing his constant whining and antics even after all these years living apart from them.

"I really missed you too! Nothing's the same without you!" You smiled at Oikawa's warm comment. You were glad they missed you the same way you missed them. You really tried to visit as frequently as you could but it was hard when all of you were covered in work. Out of all third years, Hanamaki and Matsukawa stayed in Japan, you and others left the country for Universities. You felt really emotional, it had been such a long time without them...

"Look at her, hugging Oikawa and Y/f/n-chan first, don't mind me I'm just gonna stand here until you decide to acknowledge me. I thought we had something special Y/n, you're breaking my heart here." You heard a deep voice behind you, you smiled and turned back smirking.

"I would say she has her priorities set right? I mean it's me you are talking about,"Oikawa boasted, Your friend giggled.

"Missed you too Hiro," you grinned as you playfully hit his shoulder then hugged him. It was good to be home.

"Where's my grizzly bear?" You asked as you searched the crowd for the angry spiky head.

"He's at the bar probably, Oikawa managed to talk his ears out already, he left a minute ago saying "I'm not drunk enough for this shit!" I'm sure he will be happy to see you." Makki smiled and wrapped his hand around your shoulder you smiled and leaned in on his touch. You had missed this so much!

You spent most of the evening chatting with people and having a nice time. Oikawa for sure knew how to throw a party, you even danced with some charming men. You felt uneasy tho, you and Matsukawa made eye contact a few times but none of you even moved to say something, you just smiled at each other awkwardly. Over the night you noticed how many girls approached him, well it wasn't surprising, he was a good looking young man, but you couldn't help but feel a tinge of annoyance on the inside. In the end, you tried your best to be your charming self. You talked to many different men and even danced with more of them, moving your hips passionately along the music. But you felt bored in the end. None of them were interesting, they didn't have a fire you wanted. How long were you going to be like this? Wasn't there someone who could I don't know sweep you off your feet?

Suddenly you felt overwhelmed, the alcohol was starting to kick in and you swayed your hips with a bit more passion, your best friend was next to you, Oikawa had left you two alone to have your time.

"You haven't talked to him right?" As always, Your friend guessed what was bothering you in a second.

"No, and I'm not planning on doing so. If he didn't think I were at least a little bit important than the girls he was talking to then I'm not going to interfere. I have self-respect. He didn't even bother to say hi." You rolled your eyes and chugged another shot, the alcohol mildly burned your throat but you were used to the feeling. You just felt like dancing and maybe even washing your worries away. You wanted to have fun, and you had a reason too, your friend won a gold medal and defeated his rivals! You decided to go and do another shot, getting near the bar, you noticed a familiar spiky head, you smiled and got closer finally sitting next to the buff man.

"Is this seat taken handsome?" You asked seductively, Iwaizumi's shoulders tensed for a second but he relaxed as soon as he saw your grinning face.

"Y/N!" He greeted you with a smile and got up, you were quick to wrap your hand around him.

"Good to see you, daddy." You grinned teasingly, Iwaizumi flushed immediately. You had a habit of teasing him, you often called him daddy because of his aggressive yes, but caring demeanor, and you really enjoyed it when he got flustered. Truth be told you were probably the only person who got away with teasing him without getting punched or kicked.

"God, when will you stop with the dumb nickname? People are going to get a very wrong idea, it's embarrassing," he grumbled and pointed to the bartender by his eyes, who was looking at you from time to time sneakily, he heard you and was shocked, you smirked and gave him a wink, making the boy blush harder. You smiled, as you eyed the boy he was definitely cute.

"I will stop when you won't have an adorable reaction like this," you teased, Iwaizumi only scoffed, but he didn't look mad.

"It's awfully early for you to start drinking, did Oikawa really talk your ears out?" You chuckled, Iwaizumi scoffed again but he looked amused.

"Unfortunately for me yes, I swear to God he never stops talking." You chuckled, it was such an Oikawa thing to do.

"Yeah, I'm glad Oikawa won, I'm sorry for your team but he did work really hard for it and really deserved it." You smiled fondly after noticing Oikawa dancing with your best friend over some cheezy song which probably he had chosen.

"Yeah, I'm glad too. You should have seen him tho, the all smug Oikawa crying nonstop like a baby after he realized he had won, well of course after they left the court, he was like Iwa-chan I did it!" Iwaizumi mimicked Oikawa's crying voice, you giggled. It sounded like Oikawa, "Don't laugh, who do you think had to stop him from crying? "Iwaizumi shuddered as you had a hard time holding your laughter. You had such a good time, you didn't even notice a pair of dark brown eyes observing your giggling form.

"Now all I can see is Oikawa clinging to you like a koala and crying his eyes out." Iwaizumi only looked at you with an unamused face, making you raise your hands in defeat, the deadly aura didn't go unnoticed by you. Iwaizumi rarely lost his cool around you, but it didn't mean you were immune to his rage. "I'm only kidding, Iwa baby, please don't get mad at me." You lightly pouted as you made puppy dog eyes at him, he only sighed and took another sip from his drink, you smiled and ordered a drink, you visibly relaxed, you didn't feel on edge anymore.

You talked for a while, but unfortunately for you, Iwaizumi had to leave, apparently drunk Oikawa was somewhere causing some trouble. You found it suspicious that was too much even for Oikawa but you didn't question it. Iwaiizumi only grumbled in annoyance and left, being used to all this stuff. You, on the other hand, Made small talk with the cute bartender, he was really good looking and surprisingly very charming and smooth. You were quite drunk already and you were feeling needy, so now here you were making out with him in some empty hallway. He was a good kisser, but you still didn't feel any spark. You wanted to feel the same tingling sensation as the one you felt when you had your first kiss with Issei. The situation was not at all romantic as you said, Oikawa and others locked you in the lockers, to make up after you had a little fight. You bickered at each other for a while, well it was you who was really arguing, you were really mad at him because he was bringing himself down and planned on leaving the team, and you were trying to get to his scull how amazing he actually was and soon your lips were against each other and it felt like the most magical feeling in the whole world. You had never felt anything like that when you kissed others and today was no exception, unfortunately for you. You tried to take the lead in the kiss maybe to make it feel more enjoyable for you but before you could even try, a hand made the man separate from you. You opened your eyes to see Issei, who didn't have a very pleased expression.

"I have business with Y/N, so I don't know, get lost?" Issei said without any emotion. You looked at him dumbfounded. He didn't even bother saying hi earlier, what business would he have with you? The boy, Souma was it? Looked at you two before speaking.

"Dude what the hell we were busy!" He groaned as he glared at Issei, who didn't seem really fazed.

"Do I really look like I care?" Matsukawa asked plainly, You took the chance to straighten up.

"Listen here you little..." Souma stopped before he would go on, as he felt chills run down his spine under Matsukawa's cold glare. You sighed and straightened up.

"I guess it's pretty important, I will contact you later ok?" You asked sweetly, but you both knew you weren't going to contact him. You didn't even have his number and you hadn't given him yours. Souma grumbled and left leaving you with Issei.

As soon as he left you were quick to smack Issei's arm. "Dude, what the fuck?" He only looked at you, grabbed your arm, and led you through the hallway. "What's with the cockblocking? He didn't seem too bad."

"I didn't like him." He said like it was the most obvious thing. It made you feel mad.

"Oh sorry, next time I will choose someone you might like, for future references what type of boys are you into?" You snarled lightly. You wanted to break free from his grasp but it was too strong. Soon your back made contact with the cold wall, and you were caged between Issei's strong arms. You tried to protest but before you could even say a word his lips were on you. You didn't know how to act, your whole body went stiff but after a second you felt your body relaxing.

"God, you're beautiful." He said as he kissed you again, his big hands snaking around your waist. You were speechless, you didn't really realize what was going on. But your body felt like it was on fire. His lips kept brushing against yours just perfectly, your skin was burning hot under his touch. Your heart was beating like crazy, you only managed to whimper against him and he took this as a chance to deepen the kiss. You tried to keep up but it was physically impossible. His kiss was deep and passionate, kind of possessive too. You could feel all his lust through it. You moaned lightly, unable to control yourself. You put your hands on his chest, you could even feel his strong yet fast heartbeat, you pushed lightly, Issei took the hint and leaned back. He stared at you, admiring your beautiful form, you looked so pretty all flustered and breathless, he had wanted to do this for such a long time, for the whole night you had basically been teasing him and his patience was running thin.

"What came over you. I..." You didn't know what to say, you were so confused.

"Do you remember our random sneak outs in highschool?" How could you forget, you just lived for the tiny adventures you, Makki and he used to have at three am. Sometimes when Hiro didn't feel like coming, you would go with him instead. Eating ice cream or random junk food at three am on your special spot, you lived for it. Sometimes you didn't even talk for a whole night but still felt so comfortable. Your chest tightened again at the memory. But why bring it up now? This didn't explain all the raging questions you had.

You nodded your head quietly, looking at him through glossy eyes. "I do. Why?" Your voice was so weak it made you cringe. You didn't know, what was this about? Why bring it up now.

"Would you go on an adventure with me? I know it's Oikawa's special day, but Y/N I... We both know that we need to talk." You looked up at him with wide eyes, you had never seen him like this, he looked so serious and desperate too? Despite feeling all furious and all you nodded and let him lead you through the crowd and to his car.

"I will text him, he might get worried. But what should I say? Where are we even going? We're in Tokyo, don't tell me we're going to Miyagi!" You asked as you sat down in his car, you were confused, all this stuff was confusing you.

"No, I don't plan to take you to Miyagi, I was thinking of ordering a shit ton of junk food via drive-in and then taking you to the place I found earlier. Don't worry I'm sure you will like it." Issei assured you as he got in his car, started the engine, and started driving.

"Are you really trying to get on my good side via food? I'm really mad it's not going to be that easy." You furrowed your eyebrows, Issei huffed a laugh.

"Maybe I am? We both know that you will sell your soul to satan for a bag of doritos! If I keep your mouth busy while I tell you something at least I won't have to worry about you biting my head off," Issei pointed out like it was the most obvious argument while smirking proudly, you scoffed.

"I will hit you so hard after you stop the car, I'm not doing it now because I value my life. And besides, it's not about whether or not I will like the place. It can be next to a strip bar or some abandoned place, what's important is that you will say and you know that." You said as a matter of fact and turned away from him, looking through the window.

"I know." He sighed after a second, the atmosphere was heavy, opposite of what you were used to. You started liking Mattsun because things were easy with him and that it was full adventures, but now... You had to calculate everything you said, how you moved, how you looked at him, and stuff. When did it become so painful to be in the same space as him? And the stuff he wanted to tell you terrified you. What if he admitted that he never saw you seriously? That he only felt desire for you at some doing and nothing else. You didn't even know what made him act up today, did he have at least the slightest feelings for you or did he just found desirable in that tight dress? Maybe he just didn't like the face another man tried to take you away. Either way, anxiety was eating you from the inside. Your heart kept beating rapidly and your fingers actually hurt from playing too hard with them.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't even notice how he ordered and got the food. You only came back to reality only when he opened your door gently took your hand in his big one. "We're here." He helped you get out of it. The cold air immediately hit you, making you shiver slightly. "Here take this." He said as he put his jacket on your shoulders, it was so big you were basically swimming in it but on the contrary, it was really warm and soft and it smelled like him! Just perfect, you immediately snuggled in. Mattsun then took the food package from the backseat. He quickly locked the car and led you through again. You were now in front of a big clearly abandoned building, you hesitated for a second and tightened your grip around his hand, Issei looked at you, carefully examining your face."Are you feeling scared? I promise it's a safe place, I have been here. You still like exploring weird buildings like this right?" He teased lightly, squeezing back your hand. You only pouted.

"I do like exploring buildings like this, but when I said abandoned building I was joking you know that right? I like these kinds of places but not in dresses like this and especially not in high heels. I like being prepared to run from my life if there's a huge creep or some sort of monster, I don't know! And I haven't done something like that for such a long time, and we're not in Miyagi too, everything's new here!" You said as a matter of fact while playing with your hair, Issei only chuckled. You felt nervous. Before you could even comprehend what was happening Issei had already picked you over his shoulder. You felt like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh my god, Matsun what are you doing? Put me down!" You tried squirming away at the same time you clutched his shirt too afraid to fall. He started laughing, you felt vibrations through his back, you couldn't help but smile, you liked when he laughed.

"No way, I like carrying you and I have the best view too so no way princess."You could tell he was grinning while looking at your ass and it made you mumble in annoyance. You gasped when he spanked your bottom lightly, you smacked his back in response. "Do you like the view?"

"Shut up!" You whined, which made him chuckle harder. "Put me down, my dress is short!" You started wiggling again, but he had a death grip on you. You could feel the blood rushing to your face and at this point, you were not sure if it was from embarrassment, just having your head low and blood rushing to your head or just anger.

After a minute of him walking and you admiring his ass, he finally put you down. You looked around, the building was empty, there was no furniture and some of the walls were covered in graffiti. Other than that you enjoyed the place, it had a certain vibe to it. You wandered for a second, exploring the room. When you turned around you didn't see him, you walked around and eventually came out on the huge veranda. The sight made you gasp, Issei had laid the blankets on the floor and taken out the food, it looked so cozy! There were some pillows too. It was just like a little picnic, the dim streetlights also shone nicely with some fairy lights there and there and the sight in front of you of the night city was magnificent. Everything looked so simple yet so perfect.

"Okay, stop or I might have to actually marry you." You pointed at everything dramatically, you couldn't contain your smile. Everything looked like the pics you have seen on social media or in the movies. Issei smiled at you softly, you looked so cute all excited like that. His jacket really suited you too, you looked so perfect.

"I knew you would like this. I'm glad you actually agreed to come." He smiled and patted space next to him, you sighed and sat carefully, holding down your dress, it was short at it was you didn't want it to slide up too much.

"You knew I wouldn't refuse such tempting request, didn't you? I always liked our little adventures," you smiled fondly, recalling sweet high school memories.

You spent few minutes in silence watching the city, eating there and there, but it wasn't uncomfortable like before, your anxiety had calmed down a little too. You just sat there and enjoyed the moment. You didn't even notice when he took your hand but you didn't bother to take it back. You wished you could stay like this forever but you also knew it was wrong. You had to ask the question, even if hearing it could destroy you. You both knew that.

"Matsu, why did you kiss me earlier? I'm trying to understand what's going on between us but now I'm especially confused. Why did you do it? I thought you didn't like me," You were talking quietly, but in reality, it was really hard for you to contain your sea of emotions. Issei tightened his grip on your delicate fingers, neither of you bothered to look at each other in the eyes. He took a deep breath and started talking quietly.

"I don't know myself. I thought I had let go of you, I thought I was over you, but when I saw you again all feelings came crashing down on me again. You looked so breathtaking, I fell in love with you all over again. So pretty and all dolled up and this dress. God this dress, hugs you so perfectly on all the places I want to touch, I actually feel jealous of it. I want to rip it off and have you all to myself and never let go. I don't want to let go now that I tasted your lips again." He spoke lowly, his voice was raspy and it sent chills down your spine. " You are the most beautiful person here you know that right? You are probably the most beautiful person in the whole city, I think even in whole Japan or better the world!" Matsun kept going on and on setting your heart ablaze. You were mad, but at the same time, you were so at ease and felt so at comfort. It was like your mind and heart were battling each other and you had no idea which would win.

"I'm still really mad at you." You grumbled against his chest, Issei hummed and wrapped his hands tighter around your waist.

"I know and you have every right to." Issei hummed and pecked your hair, he then grabbed your chin lightly and made you look at him. "I'm really sorry Y/N, all I have been doing is to cause you pain. It was never my intention. I love you, god, I love you so much! I know you will be better without me. You can find so many who are way better than I am and would treat you like you really deserve. And I thought I came around with the fact that I wouldn't be the one to have you in the end. I always knew that. That's why I never made any kind of move on you. When you entered the party you looked like a different person. You were the most beautiful person I have ever met, you looked so confident and comfortable in your own skin and most of all you looked so happy! I didn't want to come to you and ruin it. I felt so proud too, you achieved so many things! God, you don't know how proud I am to even know you!" Matsun kept going on and on, you haven't even heard him talk this much in a row, he was always a man of few words. He looked so desperate too, and the way his voice broke, killed you too. You had known him for years but you still never had seen him like this. Honestly, You had no idea what to do. You wanted to yell at him and comfort him at the same time. You tightened your grip around his hand, your knuckles were starting to whiten but you didn't care. You wanted for him to know you were listening, that you were there.

"Matsun, I..." You tried to start but he interrupted you.

"Please let me finish." The tone of his broken voice immediately made you shut up. "I know it was my own choice to let you go, and I really thought I was fine with that but when I saw you... When I saw you something like snapped in me. I tried to take my mind away, I kept talking to this women to keep my mind off of you, but how can I pay any attention to these peasants when a literal goddess has taken over my heart? And when I saw you kissing that asshole I almost went feral! I would have murdered him if I had a chance. He was touching the one I basically find sacred so disrespectfully, I almost lost my mind. Then I got you to myself I couldn't help but kiss you. Your lips always look so welcoming I couldn't help myself. And I want to do it again and again. I don't ever want to let go. I miss you like crazy! I don't know if I can be apart from you again. I... God, I sound so pathetic, I don't even understand what's happening with me. I covered this place with blankets and stuff you love because I hoped you would come to another adventure with me. Funny thing is that I wasn't even planning on asking, I don't know how we ended up here. I thought I would end up coming here all alone, wallowing myself in self-pity again. I know I don't deserve it, and I know that everything's my fault and my fault only and I would understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me, but could you give me another chance? I don't think I can last any more minute without you. I miss you so much it actually hurts."

Matsukawa looked at you with pleading eyes, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, you were getting in his lap and were kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He was startled for a second, he clearly didn't expect you to have a reaction like this but he wasn't against it at all. In fact, in a second, he was the one taking the lead and deepening the kiss. His hands digging in your hair while you slid yours through his hair. He would have continued doing so before you leaned back and broke the kiss. He looked at you half dazed. You were quick to bring him back to his senses when you harshly smacked his head.

"That hurts!" He complained, which made you more fueled up and now you punched his shoulder.

"That's the point of hitting! I want it to hurt you asshole!" You yelled. "You know you're a huge fucking idiot right? What's with this bullshit about not being worthy to be next to me? If I didn't think your ass was worthy I wouldn't have fallen in love with you! My taste in men may not be that great but I'm not stupid! I appreciate that you're thinking about my happiness or whatever, even though it's totally uncalled for, and thank me for not beating your ass further! But I get to decide what's good for me and what's not. To your surprise genius, that comes to dating too! I get to decide whom I want to date and fall in love with and in this case, it happens to be you, fuck it always has been you! I had some partners but I didn't love any of them, cause your caterpillar brow ass has managed and captured my heart, I always come to compare them to you, and guess what they're not you! God, you can be so stupid for someone who is supposed to be smart! I'm really disappointed Matsun and mad too! I want to beat your ass even further! God, how did you even manage to come up with this bullshit? I swear to god!" You kept grumbling while messing with Issei who looked like he was still in shock, his cheeks were dusted pink and you couldn't help but squeal on the inside from how cute you found it. You made Issei blush! That was an achievement for sure and such an adorable one too! But you couldn't back down now, you felt actually mad that he had such dumb thoughts like this, but on the other hand, you found it very endearing and cute. He was trying to protect you! And by the looks of it, he was hurting just as much as you. But the fact remained the same, he loved you. Your dream came true, he shared the same feelings! You felt so happy, you wanted to kiss his face till your lips fell off.

"You know you don't have to straight ass roast me right?" Issei tried to look offended but he was having a hard time hiding his grin, you smiled and pinched his cheek making him roll his eyes.

"Oh baby, I'm not even started. What did you think I was going to forget everything? And don't be mislead Makki can't even come close to me when it comes to teasing. You're in for a ride sweetheart, teasing is only just begging, maybe if you find a few ways to shut me up, and you know what I mean, I could keep quiet for a while, you could atone for your stupid ass mistakes with many kisses for starters. I don't know Matsu get creative. The point is you're stuck with me and you can't even run from me now you got it? No more bullshit like I don't deserve you and stuff like that," You said as slowly and as seductively as you could having your face close to his and occasionally brushing your lips against his. Still being in his lap gave you the perfect leverage and you just loved the way he was tightly holding your hips, to keep your bodies close. You felt complete after such a long time...

The hurt and all the emotions didn't wash away immediately obviously, you knew that your wounds would take time to heal, but now at least you knew Issei would be next to you through the journey and that was enough. You knew that now, that you had talked things through, maybe yelled from your side but still, you knew that you could overcome many things together. You just needed to voice your thoughts out.

"Wasn't even planning on it baby," he growled while he closed the distance between your lips again making you squeal a little. Yup, you just loved your little midnight adventures.

God, I can't believe I actually wrote over 6500+words. No wonder my eyes hurt like a bitch lol. Anyway, I really hope you will like it. If you have any kind of feedback please notify me. I'll gladly take some healthy criticism. I really want to improve my writing and I promise I will do my best. This is a firts work I have ever published on tumblr and I really hope you will like it^^

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst to fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #matsukawa #matsukawa x you #hq matsukawa #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei #badass reader #hq x reader #hq #reader insert #angst to fluff #mutual pining #friends to lovers

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