#//trauma

[leafie-draws]

can't express how much it sucks having been traumatized for most of your life but can't talk about it so you just go casually about your day while thinking about the Horrors™

one of the things people don't understand about childhood trauma is that there's just a huge chunk of your life you can't openly talk about, at least not in a socially acceptable way that isn't offputting so it feels like an invisible illness. sometimes I talk to my partner about it but I feel bad for venting to him about it all the time and everyone else I've ever talked to about it just acts shocked and tries to change the subject and the last therapist I talked to about it said I deserved it so I just sorta gave up and keep it to myself now lol logically I know that dwelling on it, even venting about it won't change anything. I'll always be changed from what happened to me and the things I've experienced since. I guess I just want validation, to be patted on the head and told that I didn't deserve what happened and that I'm strong for fighting back and for staying alive, or something. I won't ever get justice for what happened. my abuser is still a family member and will be around my brother's children. and because my abuser gaslit me in front of him they don't believe my warnings and half my family thinks I'm insane. not to mention that they already turned my brother against me when we were kids so our relationship has always been pretty rocky. it feels like they had it all planned from the very start like some horror movie shit. and I can't do anything about it except Deal With It and it sucks! I don't wanna cope I wanna live!!!

#leafie speaks #personal #vent #//child abuse #//trauma

[gab-has-adhd]

📍🃏Illumi and Hisoka headcanons I have

Warning for potential NSFW or gore-related stuff as well as general angst, traumas, s*icid*l thoughts and drug use ⚠️ Please do not read if you are not in the best mental health state and believe this could harm you. Stay safe 💕

Warning for some SPOILERS if you only watched the anime and/or didn't read pas the end of the election arc 🌸

Do not engage a discussion with me if you are disagreeing please, I just feel like sharing, I am not looking for discussion or arguments 🌸 Keep in mind that these are just my headcanons in the end, and headcanons, by definition, aren't canon.

📍Illumi📍

A traumatized man who always acts as if nothing is wrong, ignoring his trauma on purpose, not seeking help nor wanting to heal

He has been brainwashed by his parents. By his family in general. This guy believes he exists only to be useful to the Family (tm)

Meeting Hisoka is specifically what made him start to stray from "the path of the assassin"

Baby realized he had the right to desire things for himself like any human being

And boy he wants power and control

Absolutely yassified himself to match Hisoka

Neurodivergent (AuDHD, I want to believe)

Queer and homosexual

I want to believe he has BPD solely because I want him to be like me

He does feel pain. He just doesn't react to it. His pain receptors might have been altered, but I like to think it's more of an emotionally / sensitively stunted kinda thing

I really just think he got tortured until he just completely stopped reacting.

God thas man is broken

He does dissociate and have traumatic flashbacks on occasions. And ignores them. And lets his mental health get worse.

Used to have trypanophobia

Sensations are complicated for him. They tend to mix up. He often confuses pain for pleasure (the opposite as well)

Boy is extreme. He likes everything extreme. He wants to feel things, and to feel things, they have to be extreme.

Weird fascination for blood

I swear to fuck this man holds himself back so hard from provoking bloodshed because he is an ✨️assassin✨️ and has to be discreet and professional, but. Dang. Blood.

He's AFAB just because I am AFAB úwù

Probably greyromantic or demiromantic.

Also probably greysexual or demisexual.

He does care for Hisoka, deep down. But he 100% denies that fact. Denies so hard he thinks Hisoka being dead won't bother him at all. It will. God it will.

He's so silly.

Everyone thinks he has no emotions but he does have emotions! He has a heck lot of emotions. It's the ability to emote he somewhat lacks. Ya know, like a lot of neurodivergent people.

He's a dom but he will be a bottom for the right person (aka someone able to override his numbness and make him scream)

More of a masochist than a sadist

Lanky boy who does hard drugs because he wants to feel ✨️

Secret death wish

Takes everything he hears literally

Toned but underweight

Knows how to make piercings

When he was little, Kikyo used to dress him up in kimonos like a doll just like with Kalluto.

Look I love both of his seiyuus honestly but Urara Takano wins my heart

Depending on the person and despite how detached he acts, he can actually behave in a jealous or possessive way.

⭐️Hisoka💧

Such a mystery man right here

Genderfluid pansexual

Oh boy he do be hypersexual

His natural hair color is red. This guy is a ginger.

He dyes them magenta or blue all the time.

He actually is covered with freckles.

Uses makeup + Bungee Gun + Texture Surprise to hide them though

He is very self-conscious about his face and overall appearance. Baby hates his freckles.

I don't teally wanna imagine a backstory for this guy. This guy doesn't need one. I honestly don't care about why he is Like That, he just is. Let him remain the Mystery Man!

Sociopath

Does he actually care for Illumi? Honestly? Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't.

But at the end of the day I do think Illumi is really just another of his toys. An exceptional toy, a toy nonetheless.

Obsessed with violence

A very lonely man

Kind of a loser honestly

Actually an introvert

Possibly has ADHD. As an ADHD person I am not sure to see traits in him but hey. Why not

Doesn't have a death with but he isn't scared of death either

Is he only capable of feeling genuine, 100% not-twisted romantic feelings? I doubt it

There is something deeply wrong with this man but we will never know why

Life is just a game for him and he intends to have as much fun as possible

Autoassassinophilic mf

Just as more of a sadist than he is a masochist

Both Illumi and Chrollo make his kokoro go dokidoki, but at least with Illumi it's mutual (?)

Body covered with scars he hides with his nen

He is still disfigured from the Chrollo fight under that Bungee Gum

He is kept alive by post-mortem nen. When / if he succeeds to kill all of the Spiders, he will die for good.

Might have actually met Illumi once when they were kids. They both forgot.

I prefer his 1999 seiyuu. Hiroki Takahashi in my heart forever 🌸

This man has the worst possible vibe but gets what he wants thanks to his big dumptruck ass and his charisma

Pathologically big cock

He thinks too often with said cock instead of using his brain

#gab talks #gabs stuff #headcanons #rambles #hxh #hunter x hunter #hunterxhunter #illumi zoldyck #hisoka morow #illumi #hisoka #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #//suggestive #//nsfw text #//drugs mention #// sh #//trauma #// violence #//blood #angst #lgbt #lgbt headcanons

[creature-wizard]

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

#trauma

[cloud-ya]

outcast of the village

#werewolf #folklore #slavic #poland #folk clothing #folk costume #wolf #me when The Peasants (2023) i hate that movie #nothing against it I actually love how it's made along with the soundtrack and references to polish paintings #but having watched it in cinema it triggered so many traumas that i wanted to immediately leave the screening room #kto się wychował na polskiej wsi ten się w cyrku nie śmieje #art #pl #polblr #how much more tags can i fit to get people to notice this? let's see!

[livingfictionsystem]

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

#pop psychology #love bombing #npd #actually npd #narcissist #trauma bonding #gaslighting

[trans-cuchulainn]

i do think there is a degree to which certain kinds of Instagram activists have convinced themselves that traumatising themselves in solidarity is a useful form of activism. "I'm having nightmares and crying so much I want to be sick because of all these videos of dying children but I can't look away while people are getting hurt" I mean don't you think you'd be able to help more if you weren't having nightmares and crying all the time?? don't you think this is a one-way trip to burnout? don't you think maybe increasing the amount of trauma going around is counterproductive? I dunno bro there's something to be said for bearing witness but there comes a point where you gotta look hard at yourself and go "am I helping, or am I just making myself suffer so I don't feel guilty for not suffering while somebody else is experiencing bad shit"

#and they try to drag other people down with them #BUDDY I AM NOT USEFUL IF I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK #vicarious trauma is not like. a useful form of solidarity. in my opinion #personal

[specks-of-time]

#oh..okay #this just explained like 80% of my childhood trauma #neurodivergent #autism #actually autistic #autistic #sensory issues

[seraphimfall]

there is an insane amount of antisemitism floating around right now.

i just want to say:

this blog loves and supports jewish people.

this blog does NOT conflate the israeli government, or the atrocities it commits, with jewish people.

this blog is disgusted with those who use or express antisemitism.

this blog knows that if someone needs to invoke antisemitism, they do not actually care about helping palestine or the palestinian people.

this blog will do its best to ensure that it remains a safe space for all.

#|| personal || #free palestine #free gaza #🇵🇸 #leftisbest #leftism #leftist politics #progressive politics #religious trauma #deconversion #deconstruction #losing my religion

[evidently-endless]

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

#i love reading your examples! however next person to be like um actually this exists?? it’s on sight #i know it exists. i think it’s fun. that’s why i think more people should do it. #sometimes i think the confessional style loses impact because everything has to be excavated from the depths of the soul #and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd. #i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist! #something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content #idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently #mine

[leafie-draws]

CW: thinking about how weird it is that my mom didn't believe I had depression and needed meds until she realized she could use me for clinical trials (for compensation.) weird how abusers don’t care about you at all and only pretend to in a way that benefits them. just really fucking weird.

#leafie speaks #I was a human guinea pig for paxil and it messed me up for YEARS #and ofc my mom wanted the money so she'd threaten me and force the pills down my throat everyday #even though it was clearly harmful and having negative effects on me like ??? #then I ran away and dropped all contact with her and she was like 'SIGH i just dont know what went wrong 😔' #personal #//abuse #//trauma #//child abuse #vent

[gab-has-adhd]

Typical Zoldyck family traits:

PTSD

#all the zoldyck kids are traumatized #probably even alluka #silva was probably traumatized too #and zeno too #and anyone before him #it's family / generational trauma #this family is terrible #I believe Illumi is the most traumatized of the kids #those eyes.... he saw messed up shit #gab talks #hxh #hunter x hunter #hunterxhunter #zoldyck #zoldyck family #PTSD #//trauma #//family trauma #//PTSD

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Vanessa and Michael would get along so well

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #michael afton #vanessa afton #vanessa fnaf #william afton #the afton family #mike schmidt #fnaf #sister location #fnaf movie #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #they finally have someone to relate to on childhood trauma 🤝

[linecoveredinjellyfish]

normalize sexualizing that old woman without having mommy issues. maybe i don't want to be her pet because i'm traumatized. maybe i want to be her pet because she's hot. you ever think of that.

#this is phrased as a joke but it's at least half serious btw #kinda insulting to imply that a person could only possibly be attracted to someone because of some deep seated-trauma #kinda presumptuous and weird #sometimes older people are just hot #it speaks!

[recoverr]

i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

#mental health #recovery #self care #self love #positivity #reminders #healing #be kind to yourself #actually mentally ill #cptsd #actually cptsd #recovery suggestion #trauma survivor #trauma recovery #mine.

[catsharky]

Create cool summer treats for your vampire with this one neat trick

#I had a lot of fun with those first two panels #love me some action shots #don't get to do enough of them #[shouting] violence! violence! violence! #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 comic #baldur's gate 3 comic #bg3 astarion #astarion #bg3 shadowheart #shadowheart #canon typical violence #cw: blood #cw: eye trauma #my tav #sharky's tav #tav: ember #oc: ember #sharky art

[mxxnlightsblog]

It's crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.

#quoteoftheday #life quotes #loveyourself #inspirational quotes #literature #wordsofwisdom #book quotes #trauma #wordstoliveby #spilled words #motivational quotes #relatable quotes #quotes