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teafuelledwriting · 3 months

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Hello there!

Do you have any neurospicy friendly tips for staying motivated? I'd love to write more, especially long-form, multi-chapter works but after a chapter or two I either get bitten by other plot bunnies or real life eats me whole.

Thanks!

Hello friend!

Oh this is right up my alley, grab a cuppa, I get wordy.

As a chronic “too many ideas, too little dopamine” ADHD brain that’s always seeking that lil extra dopamine, I suffer from the exact same problem. My motivation is a fickle thing, as is my ability to focus and my goblin brain is always after the new shiny idea.

But, I’m also at the end of drafting the biggest project I’ve ever completed(it's over 100k words right now), while also planning a novel, developing a few more ideas and writing short stories and doing this blog (intermittently at least for now).

How the hell did I manage that?

I learned to work with my brain, lean into novelty, made things really easy for myself and when needed, got some help and made things fun.

The truth is, motivation comes and goes, as does inspiration. So we have to figure out how to keep writing without it, and how to wrangle those plot bunnies. That’s the work we do.

My short answer is this: The solution to focusing on a big project is to make working on this project easier than working on anything else, make it the most enjoyable, and make it the most rewarding.

Here’s some advice on how:

Advice Tidbit the First: Work with your brain

Since us neurospicy types come in so many flavours, it’s impossible to give advice that works for everyone. So find what works for you. You know what helps you focus, you know what your weaknesses are and you know how your brain works. If you don’t, now is the time to find out how to work with your brain chemistry rather than against it.

If this means having music, using a pomodoro timer, something like a special focus based word processor or a notebook, use it. If this means working with a trusted friend, a community, or alone, do that.

For me it really means that the big project is always front and centre. It is always open, it is always flagged in my notebook, it is always present and easy to come back to and I always know where I’m going with it.

I’m gonna share some things that work for me and I encourage you to try them, keep what works, and cast off the rest.

Advice Tidbit the Second: Lean into Novelty

My brain relishes novelty, and will happily chase a new idea down a rabbit hole like a Jack Russell on speed and after years of fighting it, I’ve learned sometimes, it’s best to chase the white rabbit and see where it ends up. Just make sure you have a way of putting that idea on a back burner and coming home to the project you want to focus on.

And I do this through a few different means.

First I write that new idea down, which in turn helps me get it out of my head instead of it repeating ad nauseum like the chewiest earworm. The brain repeats things to remember them, but if you write it down, and then immediately get what you wanna focus on in front of your eyeballs, you might be able to switch gears and get back on track.

Second, I create my own novelty by balancing a few projects at once, that are all at different stages of development, and focus on different ideas. I have the big one that's almost done, I have a novel that’s in planning, a few short story ideas that’s percolating and this blog which is focused less on creation and more explaining things I’ve learned. And I bounce from these, as needed, to keep things fresh.

Third, if all else fails, I stop fighting and go wild. I’ve stumbled onto some amazing gems of projects by embracing the mad rush of inspiration until I hit a wall. And the trick for me is, once I hit that wall, I go back to my big project and it always feels a little fresher after that time away.

Writers are creative creatures, and inspiration is a wonderful, amazing, maddening thing that we cannot rely on, but shouldn’t ignore when it strikes.

Advice Tidbit the Third: Make that shit easy.

A fun, and by fun I mean hellish aspect of my brain chemistry is that the more barriers between me and doing a thing there are, the less likely I am to do the thing. Executive dysfunction is an asshole and should pay but until I can figure out a way to do that, I instead focus on making this as easy for me as possible.

When it comes to focusing on a specific project, I make sure I have it ready to go when I wanna work on it. I open up the word doc before I go to bed, I leave some notes for myself before leaving it, I never close it unless I absolutely have to, and I always, always have a notebook or my phone on hand to write with, and I have a playlist on hand to get me in the mindset while writing or walking, or working out.

Now if you’re looking at that and going “But Cas, that’s a lot of prep-work”, yeah, it is, and that’s what I do to make things easier to start and stay focused with. Call it the neurospicy-tax. Sometimes shit comes with extra prepwork, but it will help you in the long run.

Thankfully the execution is less painful than it sounds. I just don’t close the word doc for my main project unless I absolutely have to. Opening it first thing is a habit I’ve developed over time as is carrying my notebook around everywhere. Right now I’m trying to build the habit of writing first thing in the morning after breakfast, which means I have the project, or project notes up to read while I eat.

The less I have to think about it, the less steps it takes to start, the easier it is to just do. And do it enough, consistently enough, it becomes habitual. Ish.

Advice Tidbit the Fourth and Most Important: Make the writing easier too.

Yeap. I’m gonna say it. Learn to plan in a way that works for you.

It is so much easier to write freely, consistently and confidently when I have a damn good idea of where I’m going and what targets I’m trying to hit. If you’ve read my waffling about approaching chapters, I go on at length about how that pre-planning makes the work easier. This doesn’t mean you need to have the whole thing planned down to the finest detail, you don’t need every chapter and scene on cards ready to go, unless that’s what works best for you.

However, I have found that I can stick with big projects the best if I have a rough plan consisting of story beats, knowing my character arcs, and solid idea of the ending. With that roadmap, it doesn't matter how lost or distracted I get or how long I spend in the warren of Ploticus Bunnicus, because I have that guide at hand to bring me back to my story. But when I don’t have it… I get lost. And I stay lost. I lose motivation, it’s harder to pick it up again, I lose hope and I abandon that story and feel awful about it.

So if there’s any advice I want you to try it’s this: Figure out where your story is going, where you want it to end up, a few ideas on how you’ll get there, and make a map to keep you heading in the right direction.

It can be as easy as dot points giving you a few ideas about what’s ahead, a few notes from the last writing session to remind you of where you were going, or a paragraph blocking out events in a really condensed summary. Whatever works for you, but have a plan for where you’re going for those moments when something shiny crosses your path. Make working on this main project easier than working on anything else, make it the most enjoyable, make it the most rewarding. Let me know if you want me to talk about my roadmapping/planning process.

Advice Tidbit the Fifth: Get some help.

I would not be as far along in my big project as I am if I didn’t have two really amazing people that helped me along my way as alpha readers. Ie: the two people who got frantic messages at 3am asking if they could look at the raw draft I had just churned out to see if it was okay, and who also, graciously, acted as rubber duckies and brainstorming partners and problem solvers as I figured my own process out.

I owe these two so much.

Writing can be a terribly solitary craft but it doesn’t have to be. So get a buddy, someone that can hold you to task, who can give their opinion, act as a sounding board, who is as excited about the project as you are. I am so glad to be that person for my bestest buddies and they are that person for me.

So find that person, someone you can trust, a friend, another writer, or just someone that has your back. And if you don’t have that person, there are communities aplenty floating around. And I am always, always, ready to cheerlead a fellow writer. Hell, I created a whole damn server just to help other writers that I haven’t been brave enough to advertise yet. You can find it here. [If the link isn't active, feel free to ask me for one!]

Advice Tidbit the Sixth: Make that shit fun.

Writing is work, there’s no way to get around that and writing a big multi-chapter project is a LOT of work even if you don’t plan, edit, revise, or rewrite (though you should). All my advice so far has been focused on making that work easier, on working with your brain, embracing novelty for your own ends, making the work easier, and working with a friend.

Now we get to have fun.

What makes writing enjoyable for you? Is it having a tasty treat while working or after as a reward? Is it good music? An excuse to go to a cafe? To use a pretty pen? Whatever it is, DO IT.

I like to have a nice cup of tea in a nice mug while I write. I always have music or something ignorable for background noise on the tv. And I use my very pretty pens in my very nice notebooks.

If you’re anything like me, you possess strong opinions regarding notebooks and pens, and likely have a neglected collection of some pretty stuff. So I’m gonna say something shocking: You should use those nice pens and notebooks.

No seriously.

Use them. Use the pretty inks and lovely pens and use them to make writing fun. Switch colours at the drop of a hat or to show scene and pov transitions, practise your handwriting. Use different notebooks for different projects or one big bullet journal style thing for all your writing.

Create yourself an everyday writers kit and take it everywhere with you. Use it. If you’re doom scrolling, switch your phone for your writing kit and start jotting down some ideas or write a single sentence for your story. Use these pretty shiny things. I dare you.

Keep in mind, you DO NOT need expensive pens or papers ever at all. You can do this with a cheap notebook and a ballpoint. I’m just a stationery nerd and I like using the nice things I’ve bought instead of them sitting there doing nothing.

Here’s my kit, a black traveller’s notebook with three inserts and a kraft folder, two pen loops stuck onto the folder and two TWSBI eco fountain pens. Each insert is for a different kind of project (drafting the long project, brainstorming and planning or short stories, and planning and drafting articles for this blog.) and I have sticky tabs in the folder to make pages and specific projects. Sometimes I add a pouch of yet more fountain pens because I don’t have a problem, I have a collection.

Flex aside, my point is use tools that you enjoy using. If that means a nice clacky keyboard, use it, if that means fancy ass pens, use them, if that means something you’re not scared of breaking, use it.

Now for gamification: A common bit of advice I hear for ADHD brains specifically is to gamify the tricky things and thank the gods, there’s a bunch of people who have figured out ways to do this.

For writers specifically we have a few tasty choices.

A quick search for ‘gamifying writing’ will turn up a bunch of results but here’s a few favourites of mine.

4thewords is web browser based RPG game where you write to battle monsters and make your way through the story. It is a subscription however but it’s fairly affordable ($4 USD a month) if you end up using it everyday. It comes with progress trackers, avatars you can get cool things for, a big community and it has a 15 day trial that does not need a credit card for. Wahoo. I’ve used it, it's a lot of fun, but it doesn’t gel with my other needs quite as well but I do turn to it none and then when I really wanna buckle down and focus. Give it a go~

Write Or Die is a classic sprint writing tool that I’ve been a fan of for years. Basically you write or you are ‘punished’ via flashing screen, loud noises or if you’re brave, there’s the mode that eats your words if you stop typing for too long. It is a one man developer that said and a bit old and neglected but Write or Die 2 is worth it if this helps you stay focused.

Too high stress? Think about trying…

Written Kitten is a web browser based writing motivator that gives you a cute kitten picture every time you write a certain number of words. It’s adorable.

Or you can grab that writing buddy of yours, or just yourself, a timer and do a writing sprint. Pick a number of words, set your timer and write until the timer goes off. See how well you did, see how any words you can get and how far above the set number you can go.

In the end all this leads to the same key point, which is to make working on your long multi-chaptered project as easy, fun and rewarding as you possibly can. If you have a mind that chases fun, make the work fun, if it chases novelty, make the work novel, if it lacks focus, figure out how it likes to focus and apply that to your project.

You can wrangle your brain, but you have to work to its strengths. But before I wrap this up

Advice Tidbit the Seventh: Go easy on yourself.

Neurospicy brains are particular and challenging and common advice doesn’t always work for us and that’s okay. It can be tricky figuring out what works and what doesn’t, and spoons aren’t always plentiful, our moods aren’t always cooperative and sometimes the work really is hard no matter what we do. And that’s okay. What matters, I think, is that we keep trying. A few words a day are still a few words a day. It adds up.

You got this and I am always happy to have a chat or listen.

Good writing!

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #answered ask #on writing #writing advice #writing tips #neurodivergent writers #neurospicy writers #writing with adhd

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rsmrymnt-tea · 2 years

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Sooo i may have downloaded gw2 because of you. This game is SO PRETTY.

Do you have any tips? I have exp with mmorpg but never played gw2. Take responsibility and share some wisdom!

:o!! omg??? Didn't think my recent constant gw2 posting would actually get someone playing sdhgjkdg I really hope you're having fun!! It's a gorg game with some flaws that are honestly frustrating at times but I heard most MMOs are like that? <-has literally only played Guild Wars and Guild Wars 2 so those are my only as frames of reference

But tips!! Bit hard to think of some since tbh, I'm a filthy casual (and tbh not that skilled of a player, but recently I found out it's partially because of my ADHD?? It's weird lol) but I have some thoughts and tips and little QoL things I've picked up over the years.

Disclaimer though: I got the back when it wasn't free to play to try it out and idk if you're on the f2p right now since I'm guessing you're just trying it out (unless you went ahead and got End of Dragons which I think gives you both Heart of Thorns and Path of Fire now for free too?) so uh not sure if all these apply (also I mainly play PvE so)—

I won't talk too much about the Personal Story to not spoil anything, and I don't know if you've gone with the sylvari for your character/one of your characters. But trust me, if you haven't please give them a go for at least the first thirty levels because it gives a lot more—like way more to the point that I was surprised that people didn't get why He was so important to the story because I went with sylvari first—context as to why A Certain Character becomes heavily involved in the story when you reach level 60.

If you don't like your starting area, take the asura gate to Lion's Arch then head to Eastern Ward, from there you can take asura gates to all the major racial cities. Best layout for everything you need in one place is Rata Sum tbh but personally I live at the Grove

Get a nice guild!! Enhances the experience so much imo! And also LFG can seem hopeless sometimes because it tends to be empty but I find that parties for even Dungeons fill up eventually

Gameplay-wise, you can go with literally any profession and any playstyle you want, especially for open world and story. Try everything out! Iirc you can open your PvP tab and enter the Heart of the Mists to be temporarily max level and do whatever you want with your build to try it out.

Alternatively, metabattle.com is your friend for builds too. Though it doesn't really matter while you're levelling up.

And tbh a lot of core Tyria stuff (non-expansion areas) + Personal Story can be done while underlevelled and underarmored. Your best defense is actually your dodgeroll, so generally people go for gear that gives Power, Precision, and Ferocity (Berserker's). But for other modes you can take more supportive roles (boons, healing power, etc).

There's a wardrobe tab in your Bank that lets you try on literally any skin in the game, both armor and weapons. It'll use whatever dyes you currently have on and is great for Fashion Wars

Killing yellow mobs that haven't been killed in a while (usually found in map areas where there aren't a lot of people) grants a lot of bonus XP

This is such a grindy thing and I'm sure there's more efficient ways, but in your Dailies there's usually a map where you need to clear like, 4 events to fulfill. Those maps usually have a lot of people doing events and calling them out and I'd usually stay there and grind until I hit 80 lmao

I think you can also do this by doing a lot of WvW but I'm never in that area because my laptop can't take it. It's lots of fun when you manage to find a zerg though!

Iirc PvP also gives nice rewards and is really fun! I just handle the stress and my ping is too bad to be reliable hjkgdfg

Log in everyday for those Login rewards. They come in pretty useful and if you need quick cash, those Mystic Coins go for like 80+ silver each lmao And I think this is the only way to get Laurels for Ascended trinkets

Regarding the Unidentified Gears you get, I personally open them then salvage everything with a good salvage kit. The materials sell for more than the gears themselves, tho for Rare Unidentified gear you can take your chances with just selling them straight if you don't want the gamble of hoping for Globs of Ectoplasm (which sell for like, 1 more silver than each Rare Unid Gear but you can get multiple if you salvage Rare armor and weapons. But also none so yeah, discretion >.>)

The Personal Story absolutely does not take you through the entire map—I think when I did some Personal Story only runs on some characters I got only like, 11-13% world completion? So explore!

Speaking of, there's a lot of interesting little hidden spots around the world. Find some Jumping Puzzles, they are incredible and lots of fun and frustration >w< There should be a couple just in Lion's Arch, actually.

You can buy food and utility consumables on the Trading Post, and right now at the time of writing, you can go get a shit ton of useful food items for a little Zhaitaffy.

Breaking the text block because apparently there's a word limit for it now >.<

You can get full level 80 Exotic gear for Karma in Orr at the Temples of each god once you've beaten the meta event for them. Each Temple gives different gear. You can get Berserker's stuff at Grenth's.

That said, I think there's plenty of worth to doing Dynamic Hearts (those gold heart things around maps) and buying some of the stuff the heart vendors sell once you've done them? Some are even part of Item Collections

Your chosen server doesn't really matter except for who you can play with (NA can't play with EU and vice versa) and who you're fighting for in WvW

If you join a party or a squad and they're not in the same map instance as you, you can right click on their icon on the side or on their name in chat and choose to join their instance

Login whenever they release new Living Story!! It's kind of expensive to go buy them all if you missed them (you can convert gold to gems but it's still a hassle esp if you don't get to farm much and don't like grinding) and if you login you get it for free

the common and uncommon dyes are so cheap, feel free to just go nab each one of them for your Fashion Wars desires from the Trading Post

Personally, I don't really craft but there's some endgame stuff where you need max level in some of the crafting disciplines. Feel free to look into it since I honestly don't really craft >.>;; Bit expensive

Buy better inventory bags from the TP, like. Idk why it's never explained outright that there's a shit ton of things you can buy from the TP that are just never mentioned? Had no idea about sharpening stones and all that until I got bored one day and decided to look through literally every tab

Iirc you can lookup things in game really quick with the /wiki command then typing the thing you're curious about after it. Like '/wiki Dragon Bash'

You can do custom emotions by typing in /e though it doesn't make your character do anything. I think this was for roleplayers? You can target an NPC or player with the non-custom emotions by adding @

Hang onto your aquabreather whenever you get one and don't forget to use the same runes on it as the rest of your armor. it switches out your headpiece completely and ngl, it's so oddly hard to find an aquabreather for higher levels. Eventually you can get one in Orr, in Cursed Shore at Gavbeorn's Landing from Gavbeorn himself but that's like, late core game :/ not even Exotic too. I think you can land yourself a good Rare one from doing Tequatl the Sunless, but it's by chance and I don't think they're for sale in the TP.

Speaking of Teq, there are World Bosses you can fight everyday!! This is also something I don't think the game ever elaborates on, but they're usually the final stage of a map metal event and are huge whole events that give good rewards + stuff you need for high level/Legendary crafting. gw2timer.com has the timers for literally every boss worth fighting repeatedly and their locations too, I think.

I really really feel like not enough is said about taking time with the game to smell the flowers and do dynamic events that no one does. There's a lot of little stories and ambient dialogue from various NPCs in the world, and a lot of interesting little interactables in some places. Something I really like is that nearly every graveyard has epitaphs on each gravestone, and it's so interesting going through all of them. One of the maps, Drizzlewood Coast, gets a lot more... idk real? Shocking? And kind of depressing if you've played the charr personal story and pay attention to the names of the cache keepers at the end of the first half of the map's meta event.

Like. It's a really pretty game even if you don't go all out on your graphics, and there's a lot of details in the environment even in core Tyria that only get crazier through the expacs. HoT genuinely feels like a massive, massive jungle that you're lost in (also the enemies become several times more dangerous than in Orr), and PoF the desert really does feel massive, and the detailing where there's civilization is nuts. Can't speak for EoD since I don't have it yet, but Cantha was gorgeous even back in GW1.

Seriously like I feel like my biggest tip is to stop and appreciate all the details the devs have put into their literal world building. This isn't the kind of game where you should rush to 80, especially not on your first playthrough/character.

#chat & colloquy #trashy-corvian #okay tumblr wont let me say more shjkhsdfg #tbh im a lot better at answering specific questions than giving general tips?? so if you need to know anything just hmu >w<#my game thing is chaos.3915 #this is a lot shjkdhfg sorry lmao #guild wars 2

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phynali · 3 years

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so not to ruminate on things that vex me, but the past 2 or so months have been kinda shit, and i’m trucking along and there absolutely are high points and good things and joys that balance some of this out, but i need to vent out some of the negative emotions somewhere to get ‘em out. so i guess i’m doing that here because -

we’re in lockdown#6 where i live (state of victoria) and it’s hard, this yo-yo of restrictions and swinging in and out of one lockdown after another.

for those who understandably won’t know, what we call lockdown here means not just restaurant and commercial closures and mandatory working from home unless you’re in an industry where that’s impossible -- it also means no guests (0) inside you’re home unless you’re both living alone and single or else romantic partners, it means not leaving your home at all except for one of 4-5 necessary reasons, not being outside for more than 2hrs per day even to exercise, and not going more than 5km from your home unless required for work/medical/etc required reasons.

it’s intense. we spent (i think) 128 days in this degree of lockdown in 2020, never mind how many we spent in other forms of restrictions and working from home. and we’ve been back in it four (4) times in 2021 already. in-out-in-out-in-out -

it’s taking a toll on the mental health of every person i know. we get weekly emails with wellbeing and resilience tips from my job -- not just “be productive or else” capitalism but heartfelt ones from wellbeing officers with copies of articles like this one on languishing from the NYT, acknowledging we’re all struggling and directing us to the plethora of wellbeing resources our workplace is trying to provide, not only to us but reminding us they offer it to our families too.

i’m one of the lucky ones. i’m really not trying to wallow here or to pretend otherwise. i appreciate that i can work from home, even though i can’t focus when i do and it this interacts with my adhd to fuck my productivity. even if i’m so behind and delayed it feels like i’ve lost 12-18 months worth of work and it will have long-term ramifications on my career -- even so, i still i have a job. i still get paid. and i even kept my job, a bit by the skin of my teeth but i did, when my sector downsized last year. yes, the way my employer went about lay offs left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth (my own included), but i made it through.

and my sector, while affected, is by no means the worst of the collateral damage.

the yo-yo of lockdowns is taking a very very real toll on industries like hospitality, tourism, commerce. and the economy does have indirect effects on health and mental health as well. my friend, a waitress, was on her way to work the evening shift at a restaurant when she got the call about the latest lockdown. she had to turn around and go home because the announcement came just hours before the lockdown was imposed, and every place suddenly had to close by 8pm. bye bye evening shift. so much of the government support for these industries has dried up, has been inadequate.

lockdowns save lives. i don’t begrudge my state for imposing one except that yes -- i’m resentful we’re here again with only six cases. i can be both accepting and grateful and also pissed and tired and more all at once.

even more than the latest lockdown, i’m pissed about the yo-yo. that we went into lockdown in june, came out in july, went back in in july, came back out in july, are going back in now, in the first week of august. three lockdown/re-openings in 10 weeks, as if this rollercoaster doesn’t completely incapacitate our ability to plan or prepare for anything more than a week out, more than a day out -- in this case, more than a few hours out. 4pm the lockdown was announced, with an 8pm start time. as if that doesn’t have more insidious consequences on individuals and industries than a more clearly articulated and consistent approach. as if all the restaurants that got to open up this week didn’t purchase large food orders for this weekend that will spoil because they were given 4 hours notice to close their doors.

that’s the part i hate, right now more than the lockdowns themselves. consumer sentiment was at a high in april, optimism was everywhere. people felt good, and like we had a plan forward. now -- well, now my job is sending me emails about how normal and okay it is that i might be ‘languishing’ because aren’t we all?

and i absolutely do begrudge my federal government, and i’m angry with them, and this is part of why:

youtube

but i also accept, to some extent, that these decisions have all been made in difficult circumstances, and i’m not really about to pretend i could do any better.

at the same time, australia’s vaccine rollout is among the slowest and lowest at least within OECD countries. i know that’s partly because we’ve managed the keep cases low and therefore we are prioritized less when it comes to who needs the vaccines most (and thus who is earlier in line to be able to purchase) among other geo-political reasons i won’t get into, but it still very much sucks. our timeline and ability to move forward and ability to stop having lockdowns requires a mostly-vaccinated population, and that’s not something we’ll have anytime soon.

and i am a visa-holder here and my family is back in canada and with our current border restrictions leaving to visit is honestly is not an option because i wouldn’t be able to return, to work. i’m managing that distance okay most of the time despite my homesickness and frustration but my partner’s parents are older and his mother’s health just isn’t amazing and it’s weighing on him a lot.

a phd student i work with just had a parent die in another country while stuck here, had to drop everything to return, is devastated by not being by their parent’s side when it happened because it came on sudden, and now won’t be able to come back into australia after, will have to finish their thesis remotely from abroad. stories like that are becoming commonplace in certain circles, here. this student is not the first or only person i know who has been in that exact situation in the past year.

it’s enraging, and upsetting, and instills a sense of helplessness because -- there’s nothing that can really be done about it. there’s no good answer, but it’s scary to think of what could happen. i know it scares my husband. if his mother’s health suddenly dips -- does he drop everything and leave? how can he not? would i go with him or hold the fort here? what ramifications does that have either way?

right now, we’re in the first stages of getting permanent residency, my job is putting in the nomination, and this is one of those awesome high-points i mentioned. it’s a very much needed sense of security in my career and my future in this country. but while a PR application is pending and under review, you can’t leave the country, even in pre-covid times. it takes months to get the application fully nominated, accepted, then submitted, and months on months to process.

in january 2020 we had agreed that for xmas 2020 we’d return home to canada. obviously the world changed and we quickly determined that wouldn’t be the case. we pushed that plan back to july-aug 2021, then to october 2021, xmas 2021. my partner’s sister asked him last week if we started making plans, booking things for xmas, was calling to check that we’d had our second jabs. he had to explain the situation to her, that we aren’t even eligible for our first vaccine yet, that we aren’t holding out any real hope of visiting, not this year, not until mid-next.

anyway - i’m just. languishing, i guess, if that’s the word for it after all. i know it’s not the same as depression -- i’ve had episodes of that, been treated for it in different ways. this is and feels different, even if there are obvious similarities. whatever to call it, it sucks, and i hate it. and i hate the other lows and anxieties and crap i’ve been dealing with in the past few months as well that didn’t make it into this post about covid. crap with work, with friends, with goddamn car rentals of all stupid things. crap that’s making me anxious and crap that just needs processing. crap that is, ultimately, massively exacerbated because lockdowns turn us into little rats gnawing on the bars of our cages.

and i guess i just needed to talk about it somewhere, to organize my thoughts and free up some headspace (emotion space?) currently being used to hold these thoughts and feelings in place. i kind of hate posting personal crap like this and always get the urge to delete but i also have a hard time organising my thoughts if i don’t write them out with this intent to post. sort of want to go outside and scream at god, sort of want to phone up a friend and yell at him for an hour for being an exhausting ass, sort of want to be alone for a day to curl up under a blanket with a movie that’ll make me cry because raging at the universe is always so much easier when i’m alone and unobserved. but i guess since those aren’t especially kind or feasible i’ll post this instead.

anyway - if you read to the end of this for any reason, i’m not trying to be maudlin, and there’s really no need to respond. it’s just a feelings dump, sucking some of the poison out, not really much different than journalling but i’ve always been better at that online than on paper.

#ugh #personal post #just organising thoughts and bitching about present circumstances #because i'm tired of 2021's bullshit and needed to vent a bit #gpoy

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softer-ua · 3 years

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in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

#tw ableism #ableism #tw biphobia #biphobia #softy answers #I have a sorta sad one shot about Kami and his quirks effects #should i post it?

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uncloseted · 3 years

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Hey! I’m the anon (and also Gay!Bama anon) who sent the asks about BPD and being rejected by that closeted guy. I guess the reason I think I have BPD is because I’m in my 20’s now, and I just have issues with perceived rejection for whatever reason. Anytime someone rejects me or something, I get really depressed and question myself a lot, or I question my worth, and it’s over things that should not be a big deal, but to me they feel like the end of the world. It’s like I have no emotional skin, if that makes sense, so everything hurts more than it would someone who is normal. It’s just so hard sometimes. I get so emotional or upset over things that there’s no need in being that upset over. I just wish I could change it, but I can’t. I feel like I’ve destroyed a lot of potential relationships and also friendships by overreacting and it makes me feel so crazy. (1/2)

(2/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I think it might be because my Dad and me always had a difficult relationship, and now that he’s gone things are really more difficult than before. I started going back to therapy and I’m about to go back to school to finish up my degree, but I just wish I could manage these feelings better. The only way I have been able to deal with them is by either numbing them with alcohol, drugs, or fulfilling them with anonymous encounters, or just cutting myself off from other people, so that way I have nothing to react to. It just really sucks because I’m so lonely all the time, but I don’t know what else to do about it other than that. I used to self harm to help me cope with my feelings, because then I could hurt myself and not hurt the people in my life by lashing out over trivial things, like irrelevant rejection or changing plans. It feels like every small thing is a seed, from which sprouts a tree of paranoia and depression.

(3/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I also have had such a hard time trying to figure out my plans for a career and goals because I’m always switching them up, because one personality trait might take the forefront, but then that could change and that influences how I feel about something or what I want to do. I just wish I could turn all of these feelings off for a while, or something, and just be like calm or something.

Hi Gay!Bama anon! Always happy to see you in my inbox, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The fact that I know it’s you and I know you’re in your 20s changes my answer slightly.

There are a number of symptoms that need to be present to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; rejection sensitivity is definitely one of them, but not the only one. The DSM-5 requires five or more of the following symptoms for a BPD diagnosis:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. Generally, these are out of proportion to the event that triggered them)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (e.g., calling a friend/partner/family member several times a day during working hours and getting upset when they don’t answer)

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (e.g., frequently and suddenly changing goals, beliefs, vocational aspirations, and sexual identity, or assuming the identity of people they’re close to)

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, gambling, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, committing crimes)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"- basically, thinking a person is the best person ever, the love of your life, your best friend, someone with no faults, and then switching to thinking the person is the worst person ever, who has never cared about you, who has no redeeming qualities. This typically results in alternating between over-involvement with the person and withdrawal from the person)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms (typically only lasting hours or days, and triggered by an external stressor. Dissociative symptoms may include feeling like your body is unreal or altered in a strange way, feeling that the outside world is unreal, and illusions).

People with BPD will also typically have a compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people, and have intense, unstable, and conflicted relationships that are marked by mistrust and neediness. It’s also important that these symptoms have persisted over time and across different situations.

If that doesn’t resonate with you, there are a number of other different conditions that result in being particularly sensitive to rejection, including social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, and childhood trauma are just a few things that could cause a fear of rejection. I would talk to your therapist about this symptom and ask for help coming up with some coping mechanisms.

If all of that does sound like you, I would talk to your therapist about a possible BPD diagnosis and potentially a referral to a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy. DBT is the most studied and effective treatment for BPD, so it’s a good place to start if that is what you’re struggling with. In the meantime, you can learn the principles of DBT on your own and try to begin applying them to your life.

DBT combines mindfulness with techniques for distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Having a therapist and attend group therapy sessions are an important part of a full course DBT. However, there are several exercises you can try at home:

Keeping a Diary

One of the easiest things you can do at home is to start tracking your behaviors. Note any self-injurious or life threatening behaviors, behaviors which indirectly cause harm to yourself or others, and quality of life issues. Write down any triggers you’ve noticed.

Mindfulness

There are a few different types of mindfulness exercises you can try. Since you mentioned that you want to be able to turn your feelings off, trying meditation might be a good place to start. There are some good apps, like Headspace and Calm, that can help you learn how to meditate and encourage you to practice meditation, and there are also a ton of videos on YouTube that do the same.

DBT encourages the concept of “radical acceptance”- the idea that one should face situations, both positive and negative, without any judgement. Try to let go of fighting reality and accept a situation for what it is. When you’ve accepted a situation, then you can figure out how to change it.

You can also try using “what” skills when practicing mindfulness; these are observe, describe, and participate. They’re “what�� you do when you’re practicing mindfulness. Nonjudgementally paying attention to the present moment is an important component of DBT, so the first thing you can do is observe. Try to nonjudgementally observe your environment within and outside of yourself. Notice the feelings you’re experiencing, and then try to let slide off of your mind. Next, describe: express what you observed, either to someone around you or to yourself. Try to use your five senses to put words to what you’re observing. What can you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel? Finally, participate: try your best to be fully focused on and involved in any activity that you’re doing. When your mind wanders, gently pull it back to the task you’re currently doing.

Distress Tolerance

One of the goals of DBT is to help people develop the ability to calmly recognize negative situations and decide if and how to address them. It’s important to learn how to be distressed without becoming overwhelmed or hiding from that feeling.

TIPP is one of the fastest and most popular distress tolerance skills, since it alleviates distress quickly. Tip the temperature of your face by splashing it with very cold water, intensely exercise for 20 minutes, do paced breathing- breathe in for four seconds and our for six to eight seconds, and then do progressive muscle relaxation- starting from the top of your body, tense and relax each muscle group until you get to your toes.

You can also distract yourself from unpleasant emotions using ACCEPTS. Engage in activities that you enjoy, contribute by helping others, compare yourself to people who are less fortunate or how you used to be when you were in a worse state, evoke a different emotion by putting on a happy song or watching a comedy special, push away your situation in your mind, and put something else first by thinking about something else, and finally, create sensations that are intense, such as holding an ice cube or eating spicy food.

Another thing you can try when you’re in distress is to IMPROVE the moment. Imagine relaxing scenes, things going well, or other pleasing scenarios, find meaning in what you’re feeling, pray, if you’re religious, relax your muscles using the progressive muscle relaxation we talked about above, do one thing at a time, and focus all your attention on it, vacation if you can (by taking a break from the situation), and encourage yourself. Tell yourself it’s possible to make it through your current situation and cope with it. You can be your own best cheerleader.

Emotional Regulation

Since people who have BPD frequently have intense emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to regulate those emotions.

First, try identifying and labeling your emotions. Tune in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re feeling. Is it anger? Fear? Sadness? Then, you can try to change unwanted emotions using opposite-reactions. With opposite-reactions, you do the opposite of the urge you’re feeling in the moment. For example, if you want to isolate yourself, instead, reach out to a friend.

Fact-checking is also an important technique- ask yourself, “do the facts warrant the intensity of the response I’m feeling?” Then ask yourself, “what is the event prompting my emotion,” “what are my interpretations and assumptions about the event, and are those true?”, “am I assuming a threat? How likely is it to actually occur?”, “what’s the disaster? How can I cope well with it?”, and “does my emotion or intensity fit the facts?” There’s a sample fact-checking worksheet that you can find here: http://edencounseling.com/resources/dbt-emotional-regulation-group-4-handouts.pdf

If your facts are correct and the situation is the problem, then you can problem solve. First, identify your goal in solving the problem- what needs to happen for you to be okay, and what’s reasonable? Then, brainstorm as many solutions as you can come up with, without being critical of your ideas. Choose a solution that fits your goal and is likely to work, using a pro/con list to decide if necessary. Act on your decision, and then evaluate if it worked. If it didn’t work, go back to the “choose” stage and pick a different solution to try.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for people with DBT, so it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need, how to say no, and how to cope with interpersonal conflicts. There are three techniques in this module: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

The DEAR MAN technique focuses on conveying your needs to someone else. Start by describing your situation using specific, fact-based statements about a recent situation. Then express the emotions experienced when the situation occurred, why the situation was a problem, and how you feel about it. Assert yourself by clearly and specifically requesting the behavior change you would like. Reinforce your position by explaining to the person what the positive impacts of changing their behavior might be for them. Mindfully focus on the situation, without seeking validation, and redirect the conversation back to your main point when it seems to be diverting. Appear confident and assertive, even if you’re not feeling confident or assertive. Finally, negotiate with the person to come to a compromise that both parties are happy with.

The GIVE tool focuses on relationship maintenance, whether that’s with friends, family, co-workers, or romantic partners. It is used in conversations. Use gentle language, free of put-downs, sarcasm, or judgement, even as a joke. Be as interested as you can in what the other person is saying. Give them your undivided attention by making eye contact and asking questions. Really listen to them, don’t just wait your turn to talk. Validate their situation, either through words, body language, or facial expressions. Often, people just want to be heard and for someone to understand what they’re going through. Finally, try to adopt an easy manner: do your best to appear calm and comfortable during the conversation. Use friendly humor and smile.

The FAST skill focuses on maintaining your self-respect. Be fair to yourself and to the person you’re talking to. Don’t apologize more than once, and only apologize for things that are your fault. Stick to your values- determine what you believe and stand by it, without letting other people sway your decisions. Lastly, be truthful. Lying can only damage relationships and reduce the respect you have for yourself.

I know that’s a ton of stuff I’ve just thrown at you, so if you’re still with me, thank you! You don’t have to adopt all of these skills at once or even at all. Getting good at just one or two of them will improve your life. A therapist will be able to help you practice these different skills so that when you need them, they’re already in your mind. Good luck! I hope you get the support you need and that things start looking up for you soon.

#DBT #borderline personality disorder #BPD #dialectical behavioral therapy #Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

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ablednt · 4 years

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I have this one friend who keeps triggering my RSD, not intentionally, obviously. But today it was already pretty bad and that just made it worse. Do you have any tips on breaching the subject to other AD(H)D people who probably don't know about it?

[Dial up sounds as my brain starts working]

I've mostly only talked to people about them having triggered my RSD if they know what it is already but to start off ask them if they know what it is and if they don't explain it to them. You can explain it like:

"I'm used to people being mad at me and not knowing why cause I can't pick up on social cues and since that happened a lot my brain to try and avoid upsetting people overreacts to things and tries to convince me I'm a bad person based on the tiniest shit. It's called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and it's kind of a mix of intrusive thoughts and an anxiety attack and it's really frustrating."

Since they have ADHD also if I'm reading this right then it's good to keep in mind they likely also have RSD so the trick is to talk to them in a way that won't trigger theirs too badly which I've had successfully done both to others and had done to me and to avoid it it usually is more or less like this:

Ask them if they're okay to talk about things then, this is to make sure that they're feeling safe and not upset about something else already. Avoid cryptic questions/statements like "we need to talk." bc those are anxiety inducing. It's good to be clear "Are you feeling okay rn to talk about something important? I need to get something off my chest and set some boundaries."

So once they say yes and you both feel as comfortable as possible try to be as concise as you can, when you're going over the situation (or multiple situations) that triggered your RSD, first explain what happened from your POV and then explain how it made you feel and why it's upsetting. Then give them a chance to explain their POV (not to argue with yours this shouldn't be a debate/argument this should be calm first by talking objectively then by expressing your feelings.) Even if their point of view conflicts with your own that's ok neither of you are in the wrong here you just need to work on communication. You want to be able to understand what they felt at the time but not invalidate yourself on instinct.

Before you even contact them you need to have a goal in mind, what you want them to do. So that could be to stop doing something they do a lot that makes you upset or if it's a one off to not do these things in the future. The more there's reasonable actions they can take to make things better for both of you the easier going forward will be. Anyway after you both go over the situation and feel you've discussed enough bring up what you want them to do going forward to make things good as possible. They can also set boundaries of their own here so be ready to compromise but make sure that you both feel safe and satisfied in it.

That's the best way ik to go about this stuff because everyone in the situation needs to feel safe and understood before you can really set clear boundaries. One thing to keep in mind also is if you do the above things and they get angry with you, debate you to either defend themself or attack you, make you feel guilty, or do something to make the situation worse they most likely aren't a good friend. If you truly think it's unintentional like you said before this is unlikely to happen but it deserves mentioning. In my experience if one person manages to trigger my RSD badly enough I notice multiple times/a lot of the time they're probably toxic and your rsd is picking up on it. That isn't a hard rule though so don't be scared to try to try the above steps

Good luck if you need anything else don't hesitate to come back here!

#social tips #outbox #rsd #long post

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adhd-sorcha · 4 years

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Im trying to get into the medical field and I have a super hard time with adhd. Any advice for getting through all that schooling?

I am soooo sorry I took so long to answer this (good thing you didn’t go on anon!). I have no excuse, I’m just like this.

Before I get into anything, I just want to say that I was only diagnosed a few months ago, so I didn’t go through school consciously coming up with ADHD-busting strategies and there were definitely mysterious difficulties that I’m only now understanding but at the time I never managed to sort (*shakes fist at essay based subjects/exams*). I will tell you what I think were my accidental ADHD-helping techniques though! One other thing, I have predominantly inattentive ADHD ( or formerly ADD) so if you or anyone else are looking for tips on how to stay seated for extended periods or anything like that, I’m afraid I’m no help there. Sorry!! Also, since I don’t know what stage you’re at school-wise, I’ll include things that I found useful in secondary school too, in case it’s useful.

So, in no particular order! (this may get long...)

- Diary, diary, diary: In the schools (primary and secondary) here in Ireland you get given a diary at the start of the year. At the end of every class, the teacher writes up the homework and we copy it into our diaries. Great system!! The diary is only for school so it never needs to leave your school bag, so it should be hard enough to forget. I used to only write short notes, eg. Maths: pg 20, part a-e or something like that. It makes it easy to look through at the end of the day when collecting your books to bring home. I used to look at one line, put those books in my bag, then look at the next line. One at a time. And I often double-checked. It made me slower to get ready to leave than everyone else, but hey! I remembered my stuff! I got myself a diary for college when I moved on. They are soooo helpful. And it’s so satisfying to tick things off as you do them!!

- Have ONE school bag: Might sound weird, but I know people who, in college, just bring whatever handbag matches their outfit that day. No! You’re going to forget to transfer something over. With one bag, you can keep your school diary and pens and student card and things like that in it. They will always be in there. No need to go moving them around, they’ll only get lost if you do that. It just helps to limit the things that you have to remember to bring with you, if your bag is already kind of packed as a default.

- Take advantage of desk/locker space: Keep spare items at your desk/in your locker so that even if you forget to put them in your bag, you’re still covered. Things that I’ve kept at desks/in lockers include: spare pair of glasses, hair ties for labs, spare writing paper (so it doesn’t matter if you forgot your copy!), pens/highlighters/pencils, socks (it rains a lot here, probably not the most relevant...). Absolutely anything that you think you may be likely to forget and is safe to leave at school just keep a spare one already there! (maybe don’t leave valuables...)

- Set your timetable as your lockscreen/homescreen: I’ve never done this one personally. I kept my timetable in my diary. I find it easier to read. But, I know a few people who used to make out their timetable in Word or something and set that as the lockscreen on their phone. People tend to keep their phones somewhere that’s easy to reach, so it shouldn’t conflict too much with executive dysfunction or anything like that.

- Routine: Having a set routine can really help with getting homework done. It becomes a habit and so a certain amount becomes automatic. I used to do mine as soon as I got home from school/college. And I had a set time for when to start my work at the weekends.

- Bring the lecture slides to lectures: I assume this will vary by college, but our lecturers used to post their lecture slides to the class site before the lecture so you could bring them to class. You could either bring the pdf on a tablet/laptop or print them off. (If you’re using a tablet/laptop you can always download the notes when you get there so it’s okay if you forgot to do it before class!). I found these helpful because I only had to make note of the extra information that the lecturer said out loud or I could just highlight important words, thereby limiting the amount I actually had to write. When I just had blank paper, I was always trying to write everything for some reason and just became lost...

- Make study notes that suit you! I remember being shown in school how to make notes when studying. But I found the standard neat lines, black/blue pen that teachers wanted didn’t work for me. They were boring to look at so they were boring to use. So I made them interesting! I used lots of colourful pens, sticky notes just to create little ‘boxes’, scribbled in the margins, drew labelled diagrams instead of putting some things into words. People would actually ask from time to time how I studied from them XD Study notes are one of those things that we’re taught how to do, but there really isn’t a one size fits all approach to it, so don’t be afraid to do different things with your notes. I used mind maps to study history in school! Here’s an example of my 3rd year pharmacology notes (believe it or not there isn’t any colour-coding XD I just went with what was fun!).

- Have a study buddy: This seriously helped me when I moved from school to college. The two girls I became friends with in first year were so much better at organising study and assignment work between lectures than I was. They’d just automatically go to the library to get stuff done between lectures so I went with them and just worked on whatever they were working on. Having them around kept me on track. We did this informally (by which I mean I’ve only recently come to realise that copying their behaviour is why I got through my first two years so well, they have no idea that that’s what I was doing XD), but you could always formalise something like this with someone. There is no shame in needing someone to help you organise your study or needing someone around to work on assignments together. You don’t have to do education on your own.

- Have multiple study places: I know study advice normally says have one dedicated location for study, but that gets so boring. I might be able to study at my desk in my room this month but then it gets boring and I can’t study. So, I have multiple dedicated locations for study. My desk at my room, the main college library, library on a different campus. People with ADHD like novelty, so sometimes I find having a change in study scenery can help focus on work!

- ASK FOR HELP: To be fair, this is one I still struggle with myself. But honestly, so many problems can be solved so easily if you just tell someone about them. Can’t remember when that exam is happening? Ask. Don’t know how to make that application/do that assignment? Ask. What did those instructions even mean? Ask. Forget where that office is? Ask. So many educators, particularly at third level, genuinely want their students to do well, but they can’t help if they don’t know you need it. I know for myself I don’t want people to know how disorganised or confused I get so I put off asking questions, but the sooner you ask, the sooner the problem gets fixed!

- If you need to do something differently, do it differently: Before I started my leave I was starting to realise that my having ADHD meant that I would have to do things differently to my neurotypical labmates. I was going to need to write more reminders of basic things for myself and stick them all over my bench. I was probably going to generate data more slowly than them because time management and organisation is difficult for me. I was going to need to have a detailed protocol next to me at all times instead of knowing the procedure off by heart like the rest of them. The neurotypical way is not the only way. Doing something differently does not make it wrong.

- Be kind to yourself: The education system is tough enough on it’s own, but those of us with ADHD have some extra obstacles in our way. There really is no point in comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t have ADHD (or similar problems) and berating yourself for not getting as much done as them or doing something slower etc etc. Don’t let ADHD limit you by any means, just remember that the route to success looks different for different people.

I think I’ll stop it here. This is getting quite long! Like I said, I’m newly diagnosed so there are things that I’m still struggling with myself (time-management is a big one!! I am 100% unqualified to give people advice on that one!!) and the things that I have done well have been more lucky accident than anything else. I hope these are somewhat helpful? Feel free to ask anymore questions though! And I wish you the best of luck with getting into medicine!!

#asks #tips #neurodivergent academia #adhd #actually adhd

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solaneceae · 4 years

Text

MY HUMAN!EGOS AU

i got a surge of inspiration and started creating my own versions of the egos! its still a work in progress but i love them to bits and im really excited to share them

JACKIE

grew up in an abusive household, emotional and sometimes physical abuse

parents screamed at each other all the fucking time, father was an alcoholic

Left home as soon as he was able to live by himself (16)

he’s 22 now

poor

trans boi, on T, wears a binder cuz he can’t afford top surgery

lives in an apartment with two roommates: Max, a philipino sound designer and independent musician (they/them) and their girlfriend Nilanjana (Nana), a buff training coach from indian descent

Jackie is in a queerplatonic relationship with them: they cuddle and kiss on the forehead during movie nights and all that cute shit

he has a part-time day job to pay the rent and bills: he gives self-defense lessons

he drinks his respect women juice

vigilante at night. gets hurt a lot. his roommates think he fights in an illegal fight club for extra cash and are worried about him

wants to save people and spread positivity wherever he goes

but he has the wrong way to go about it

basically he does the PMA thing wrong and thinks any kind of negativity is bad and tries to force himself to be happy all the time.

not healthy, someone help this poor boi

anger issues, undiagnosed ptsd and ADHD

antsy boi! stimmy boi! He’s always bouncing on his feet or humming a tune or fiddling with his hair

aromantic asexual

pure of heart, dumb of ass. seriously, he’s such a dumb, but he does have street smarts

vitiligo!!

light blue eyes, dyes his brown hair lime green

extrovert, loves people

the kind of guy to record himself doing parkour and post it on tiktok

team hot cocoa

for the love of god please don’t give him coffee, he’s enough of a jitterbug already

wants a dog. prolly needs an emotional support one.

plays the drums. Fished a beat-up set somewhere, would like a proper one

fights with his fists and a wooden staff

no special powers, just self-taught fighting skills, natural flexibility and talent at acrobatics and rigorous training

MARVIN

he was born with green cat eyes, the physical representation of his extremely potent magic. parents were freaked out, and basically hid him away

had no control over his powers as a baby, would wreak havoc around him. think Mob from Mob Psycho 100

the upper side of his face was badly burned when he lost control of his powers as a toddler, so he wears masks to hide the scars. the cat one is just the one he wears most often

“hey, nice mask!” “it’s a prosthetic.” “...oh.” (it’s not that bad really, he’s just really self-conscious about it)

he was homeschooled his whole life and generally wasn’t allowed to go out much, so his social life/skills are nonexistent

his parents are famous fashion designers

they’re super rich and travel the world and send him a ridiculous amount of money every month

they say it’s for work but the real reason is that they couldn’t deal with having a “freak” as a son but couldn’t abandon him without getting bad PR

so instead they just took their distance and left him to live in a big-ass mansion by himself as soon as he was old enough (10 years old)

they dont really care what he does. last time they called him was when he was 13

last time they sent him a birthday card was when he was 18

now he’s 24

(and at this point he makes me think of bruce wayne lmao. he needs an alfred)

since he has money and home, he doesn’t need a job, so he just stays cooped up in the property and almost never leaves, he orders his food and groceries to be delivered to him

he’s basically a hermit at this point. and a huge nerd

he tries to use his natural magic as little as possible, (hello trauma my old friend) so he still has flimsy control over it

instead he dabbles into wicca and the occult to do stuff

A bookworm, quite serious, dresses like a hipster art school student. he wears SAROUEL PANTS.

glasses!! Big round rimless glasses!! soft!!!!

long brown hair, messy bun, dyes the tips dark green and purple

disaster gay

“sleep? what’s that? i only know coffee”

has three cats he rescued himself: Spades, Jasper and Poppy

has a huge greenhouse linked to the main building. he likes gardening a lot, whether it’s for his craft, for cooking or just because he likes seeing plants flourish

HOW THEY BOTH MET / IDEAS AND SHIT

Jackie tried to take on a whole ass drug ring and bit more than he could chew at the time so he got beat up pretty bad. He managed to escape with his trusty grappling hook and swung around a bit before crashing through the glass ceiling of the greenhouse while Marv was tending to his plants, in the early morning.

Long story short Marv is in a panic because a complete stranger (also the only human being he’s interacted with in months) just flopped in front of him and is probably dying and he wants to call an ambulance.

jackie: *beaten black and blue and coughing up blood* jackie: oh hey how’s it goin’ marv: *distressed nerd noises* marv: oh my god who the fuck are you but also are you dying in my house im calling an ambulance- jackie: uh yeah no please dont im kinda doing illegal stuff also i cant afford it marv: marv: wh-

also what if marv calls the family’s doctor since jackie won’t go to a hospital, and it’s fucking Schneep henrik: what the fuck did you do this time marv: it wasn’t me! jackie: your family doctor scares me marv: that’s why they hired him

maybe after that jackie keeps coming to see marv and marv is like “ugh you again-” and he always come to marv whenever he gets hurt, to get patched up by schneep. he broke the ceiling two more times basically they become “hey ron hey billy” vine, its just a habit at this point.

Marv is a rich boi that doesn’t know anything about life. at this point i realize he’s like a mix of Elsa and Rapunzel, and Jackie is kinda Flynn xD Jackie just… aggressively becomes Marv’s friend despite the magic man’s reluctance, and shows him the world. love me some smart grumpy nerd/dumb happy jock friendship

jackie: im your friend now marv: wh- jackie: *drags him outside* LETS GO CLIMB A BUILDING TOGETHER-

Marvin but he’s never been in a grocery store in his entire life because he just orders super expensive pre-made meals to his house or cooks his own veggies, and he’s just amazed at the first one they go to

like “wHAT, IT’S A ROW OF FREEZERS! Remind me to install one of these at my place!”

and Jackie, who just came here for bread and milk, looks at him fondly but also is very concerned. Also he doesnt question marv’s masks, he just thinks they look cool

@tabbynerdicat it’s my bois! @lilakennedy because i know you like those two, and your love for them motivated me to develop them first

#caori's stuff #jacksepticeye #jse #jse egos #jacksepticeye egos #jackieboy man #jbm #marvin the magnificent #jse au #human!egos AU

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hobidreams · 5 years

Note

hi there!! are you in uni at the moment? im really not sure if you’ve ever answered that, im only asking because I start uni in about two weeks and I’m NERVOUS. I was wondering if you had any advice? if this is too personal you don’t have to answer it at all I understand. but thank you! :) ps LOVED the second chapter to the yoongi story can’t wait for the third

hii love. yes i am!! OF COURSE i am happy to give advice! this is more general advice, but if you want to give me a few more details about your situation (housing/faculty/etc), i can give more specific tips!! pls do keep in mind i’m in Canada and in Arts so my experiences may be different depending on where you are! feel free to send in another ask if i didn’t answer a question you had :)))

this got so long, hence the cut! sorry mobile users if it doesn’t show up.

GO TO OFFICE HOURS

i know everyone says this but it is SO important. i have to write a lot of papers & every professor has a different way of marking. i usually ask them to look over an early draft of my introduction/thesis to make sure i’m going in the right direction. this has resulted in at least going up half a letter grade, if not a full one!

you also get to know the professor better, in case you need them in the future for a recommendation letter or help with something.

it’s also a good opportunity to ask any questions you may have about upcoming homework, etc. profs will often drop hints about what they’re looking for!

DO YOUR READINGS

seriously. some people will swear you don’t need to read anything, but i find that i can only write papers by picking out niche moments in the text. many textbooks for science courses are very useful & it’s great if you can take notes on the material before time! or even skimming it will put you in better shape for the lecture.

LEARN HOW TO COOK

university campus food is SO EXPENSIVE. i spent so much time on campus my first year & i spent like $15-20 a day on food (2 meals). learning to cook is not only better for your health, but waaay better for your wallet. curry is really great for meal prepping on the weekends.

FIGURE OUT POTENTIAL PATHS

are you interested in grad school in the future? you may have requirements you need to take. please don’t think you need to decide on anything right now!! but if you have any vague idea at all, it’s a good idea to take a look at what you need to get in IF you decide to go that way. you don’t want to be in fourth year & realize you need to stay an extra year bc you didn’t take this one super specific class.

ex. i want to go to law school, so in first year, i looked up the average admittance GPA of unis in Canada + figured out my schedule for when i need to take the LSAT. that helped shape my plan for uni!

GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

i know. it’s so hard. i’m the worst at making friends but i make an effort to talk to at least one person in every class. this is important not only if you get sick/miss lecture & need notes, but also because you could potentially make some great friends!

join clubs. it’s a great way to meet new people & maybe learn a fun activity while doing it! your uni will likely offer a clubs day. this will really enrich your university experience!!

LET YOURSELF FAIL

you’re going to fail/do poorly in some things. it’s inevitable, since you’re doing something new. give yourself time to grieve over a bad mark, but then move on. look at how you can improve (doing more practice tests? studying this particular area?)! one fail is not the end of the world. even a failed course isn’t the end. you can always try again.

a lot of my friends failed because of poor studying habits carried over from high school. don’t be this person. uni is HARD and requires a lot of work.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH/MANAGE YOUR TIME

if you get sick, you will be out for WEEKS. & while sometimes it’s unavoidable to pull an all-nighter, don’t think you can get away with doing it all the time. the work you put out during those hours won’t be the best anyways, so it’s not worth it. make sure to plan your time out as best as you can.

i find for writing papers, i do it best in small chunks over several days so i always start early. others like to dedicate a whole day to writing it without breaks. just don’t leave it until the last minute & find what works for you!

mental health is also really important. i believe most unis have accomodations for mental health & if you have a pre-existing condition (like ADHD, etc), make sure to reach out to them so they can get you things like extra time on exams, etc.

but in general, do things that make you happy! you don’t need to spend every minute studying, even if it is before a big test. tbh, i find that relaxing for a few hours the night before a final helps me retain information better than if i was cramming.

ENJOY YOURSELF

i’m not going to lie, it’s going to be a hard several years. but school is not the end all be all. so, if you want to go to a party instead of studying, well, do it. have fun. live your life!! of course, you want to keep a good balance between your fun / school, but please enjoy yourself!!!!

#so sweet that you thought of asking me :')#i hope i was able to help <3 #feel free to pop back in once your uni starts & keep me updated on how it's going!! :)#i wish you nothing but the best #rain reply #dreamers #my two drops worth

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silent-studies · 6 years

Text

How To Do Well In AP Classes!

Ok so since lots of people are going back to school soon I thought I’d create this list on what to do in order to do well in your AP classes!

- Take. Notes.

I know this sounds simple and obvious, but I cannot tell you how much this helps when it comes to AP classes. I know tons of people who (including myself at one point) didn’t take notes for these classes and ended up doing terribly on tests and almost ended up failing. Take notes on what the teacher is saying in class: they know what they’re talking about and have probably been doing this for years. Also, take notes from your textbook! Your textbook is like the main source of information that you need in order to pass the class and the AP Exam! This also brings me to my next point, which is...

- READ YOUR TEXTBOOK

Once again, this seems pretty obvious, but I know tons of people who decided to not read their textbook and just skimmed it to look for answers that they needed. I also know some people who didn’t bother to open their textbook at all. Almost all of them ended up getting a 1 or a 2 on the AP Exam and were barely able to pass the class.

Also, take notes from your textbook. I know I said this earlier but let me tell you, this is soooo important. If you take notes when reading your textbook, it helps you retain information easily. Also, personally, it keeps me from falling asleep when I’m reading something boring in my textbook because it keeps the mind active.

- If your teacher gives you key concepts to study...USE THEM

I cannot stress this enough. Key concepts are your best friend. My AP World History teacher last year gave these to our class every time we learned about a new time period and let me tell you, they helped me so much. They are what allowed me to get a 4 on my AP World History Exam.

Also, don’t just skim the key concepts, actually study them. What I usually did last year was that I would take each concept (i.e. Religion and culture spread throughout Eurasia via the Silk Road) and would elaborate on it and give examples (i.e what religions, what was the result of the spreading of religion, etc).

- If you can afford it, purchase an AP prep book!

This is completely optional. In fact, I didn’t use prep books at all last year and I did just fine. However, I did buy a couple for the 2018-19 school year. I do recommend getting a prep book because not only do they have information similar to that in your textbook (and it is also thoroughly explained so it’s easy to understand), but it also comes with practice tests and tips on how to prepare for the AP Exam. Once again, this is completely optional and you can get by just fine without one, but I do recommend it.

- Ask questions!

I do understand that this is very difficult for some people...especially those dealing with social anxiety (I have social anxiety as well, so I completely understand how one can find it difficult to ask questions in class). However, I eventually came to realize that you aren’t gonna die if you ask a question. The teacher will probably be more than happy to help you. I mean, it’s a teacher’s job to help you understand material. Also, your fellow classmates aren’t gonna think that you’re stupid because you didn’t understand whatever it is you’re learning. In fact, chances are that at least one of them has the exact same question as you. So please, ask questions. If you still feel uncomfortable about it, ask the teacher after class or during lunch! I promise that you’ll be a lot better off if you do this.

(Also, another tip: if you do this, you’re most likely gonna get some participation points as a result. Therefore, this will not only help you in understanding concepts, but it will help you out with the participation part of your grade as well!)

- DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT CRAM FOR THE EXAM!!!

This is probably one of the more important things to understand on this list. Please. Do not do this. You will end up forgetting half of the things you studied during your cramming sessions. Instead, start preparing for the exam a few months in advance. I’m not saying dedicate 100% of your time to this, but when the exam is about 3 months away, start taking about 30min out of your day just to review. As the exam gets closer, take more and more time out of your day to study. Also, the last week before your exam should not be used for studying. Only for reviewing concepts. So yeah, don’t cram. That’s probably the worst thing you can do to prepare yourself for the exam.

- And, last but not least, do your homework!!!

Once again, pretty simple and obvious, I know. However, you can’t forget that homework is also a part of your grade! Even if you get A’s on all of your tests, you’ll most likely get a low B or even a C in the class if you don’t do your homework. Also, homework can help you prepare for tests throughout the school year. So, please, do your homework.

- Resources to help you through your AP classes (none of these are mine!)

Ultimate Tips Masterpost by @alistudys

How to Schedule Your Study Time by @grxeek

Study Tips by @adeity-studies

#1 Tip for AP Classes by @probablyshouldbestudyingblr

AP Class Advice by @doinbetter

Chemistry Resources by @study-well

APUSH Tips by @studycheer

AP Bio Masterpost by @tbhstudying

How to Study Biology by @premedtomd (tag didn’t work for some reason so I made a link that goes to their tumblr)

AP Psych Masterpost by @studywitheva

Stuff You MUST Know for AP Calc BC by @apollojusticeforall

Study Tips for the Procrastinator by @hap-hazard

How to Study for AP Physics by @365text

AP Physics Tips by @sootudying

How to Annotate Books by @wandering-writing

AP English Language Study Guide by @acedemic

How to get a 5 in AP World History by @misandeistudies

AP World History Guide by @whenstudyblooms

How to Prepare for Your AP Exam(s) by @loafofmilkbread

AP Exam Test Strategies by @whenstudyblooms

How I Turned My Grades Around by @haylstudies

Revision Methods That Actually Work by @alimastudies

How to Avoid Burnout by @neuroticmedblr

10 Ways to Improve Time Management Skills by @b-uwu-ng

Quickfire Study Tips by @annabaestudying

Studying with ADHD by @glowsoleil

Study Break Ideas by @gomedorgohome

Study Music Masterpost by @inactivegardenum

Little Ways to Relax During Exam Season by @lawblrworld

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOUR GRADES DO NOT DETERMINE YOUR SELF-WORTH. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN A GPA OR AN AP EXAM. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT.

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theinvisiblespoon · 6 years

Text

So here’s the thing:

(Just personal dilemma and my thoughts; trigger warning for mental illness including ADHD, anxiety, and especially depression; gun mention, school shooting mention, suicide mention (it’s pretty brief).)

I’m beginning to choose my classes for my next year of high school.

Context:

I have three mental illnesses: ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I have only been taking ADHD meds since late 2017 and started antidepressants at the lowest dose about five-ish weeks ago. It was just bumped up recently.

I’ve been living with mental illness for a while. It’s alright, last year was really tough, but I’m managing and getting the help I need. I now have a therapist and a psychiatrist.

A week or so ago, I talked with my dad. We’ve started to grow closer than we ever have been; communication has always been an issue. I said something along the lines of “it’s hard when I’m not feeling well to do simple things, like getting out of bed.” My dad and I talked about that for a little, but I could tell he didn’t quite get what it is like to have this. One rarely knows about anything unless they have gone through it themselves, and even then it is debatable. He was trying to understand, though, and that meant a lot.

I am very lucky to be in such a diverse and accepting area where race, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. is understood. If not understood, respected. If not respected, accepted. I can go by the name and pronouns I choose, not the ones I’m born with. It’s awesome.

My parents were divorced...wow, a while ago. I was young enough to vaguely remember and old enough to understand what it meant. My parents, while still disagreeing on many things, both care for me and respect that the other cares for me. The divorce was good; I didn’t have to go to court or have to decide which parent to live with. I have split time, switching on Mondays, and my parents have begun to date others again but still work through issues with each other because they know it is the right thing for all of us.

My mom particularly has found an awesome guy. They are stupidly in love and probably won’t get married. When they argue, it is only arguing, and usually about something stupid. Before the end of the night, they are saying that it is their fault to the other. They grow and learn from each other, and work to improve. They are both there for each other, and it’s awesome to see that stupid smile on both of their faces when talking about the other. They most likely won’t get married because they don’t feel they need to.

Getting a psychiatrist (someone who prescribes meds for mental illness) took a long time, and I didn’t understand why until a couple days ago. My mom and I were talking, and when we talk, my mom tends to ramble and it leads to other and sometimes deeper conversations. I asked if my mother’s boyfriend had a mental illness, and she answered that he has depression. But, because of bad psychiatrists and bad doctors in general, he has lost faith in doctors.

I was surprised to hear this; the psychiatrist I have is awesome. She doesn’t just ask if I’m okay, she asks how I’ve been feeling, how the meds are affecting me, what is common in people with these mental illnesses, how the meds work, how the mental illnesses work, and has given advice on how to deal with anxiety and depression when it gets bad. She recommended the 504 plan, which is a plan at the school that helps people with mental illness succeed in school. For example: longer test times, extended due dates, being able to walk out of class if it is too much. She even takes my blood pressure at the beginning of each meeting we have.

My dad has ADHD, and my mom has ADHD, PTSD, and one or more things, I think. They both have experiences with many types of psychiatrists. During this conversation, she talked about how many psychiatrists will just ask if you are okay and prescribe meds.

Now I know why getting a psychiatrist took a long time; they were looking for a good one.

This struck me as odd. It shouldn’t be so difficult to get a good doctor to help you with mental health, but it is.

With people I know well enough, I am very open about mental illness. When I first got on antidepressants, I told my friends the news happily. The reason why I don’t tell everyone (because I totally would) is because of this whole stigma against mental illness. I honestly don’t understand it; according to the World Health Organization (WHO), 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. It is a leading cause of disability. One in six U.S. adults lives with a mental illness (44.7 million in 2016), and an estimated 49.5% of adolescents [have] any mental disorder. We should be having discussions about this. It should not be one of those topics most people feel uncomfortable talking about at Thanksgiving, like politics or sex.

However, even in the rather open community where I live, it is still very difficult to talk about.

Trying to explain this to my dad, for instance, took a lot of effort and deep-thinking, and then the message didn’t quite get across. All the while, even I felt a little uncomfortable.

Society in its entirety has this view of mental illness that damages a lot of people to the point where many don’t seek help.

Theo Bennet says, “If we don’t recognize mental illnesses as physical health issues, then we will never get people the treatment that they need. One of the few certainties that I have learned from living with a father with bipolar disorder is that mental health is just as important as physical health. In fact, mental health is physical health; the two are inseparable. It baffles me that many people continue to make a distinction between the two.” I have had to stay out of school some days because my mental state was so bad, but you can’t easily get a doctor’s note for that, so it was rarely excused.

Especially with the tragedy in Florida, many people are focusing on the fact that many shooters have mental illnesses. While the Trump Administration is giving money to certain departments-- 8.6 billion to the Department of Veteran Affairs and one million to the Children’s Mental Health Services program-- the budget blueprint also slashes spending for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration by $665 million. Additionally, the National Institute of Mental Health would see a 30 percent reduction in funding — a half a billion dollar decrease — in 2019. In a statement Trump gave soon after the Florida shooting, he talked about mental illness but made no mention of guns. Earlier in his presidency, he repealed a regulation that made it so people with mental illnesses could buy guns more easily.

This is not what we should be focusing on. Many school shooters have mental illnesses, but most people struggling with mental illness are not school shooters.

Even in things like domestic abuse, people think first of physical abuse. But, the research indicates that [psychological abuse] is just as bad and, in some cases, may be worse.

What I’m trying to say is; mental illness is very real. It can be a monster to the people who have one, but the people who have one are not monsters.

It is important to talk about this. It is important to talk about everything we don’t talk about just because it is uncomfortable to do so; especially because it is uncomfortable to do so. Whether it be mental illness, sex, rape, abuse, or anything else.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), in my case, makes it incredibly difficult to concentrate on anything. When one multitasks with a lot of things, the brain jumps around from thing to thing, making it difficult to focus and remember; this is the best example I can give for what it is like to have ADHD. My thoughts are incredibly scattered. Doing things like homework is a nightmare. At the same time, I can get hyperfocused. The best example of this is reading. I’ll start reading a book and realize that I finished it, and when I look up it has been several hours since I’ve moved. My teachers often say that I am bright and intelligent, but I need to “apply myself.” I haven’t studied for anything for years but still get As on quizzes and tests. It’s a myth that ADHD drugs make you smarter; what they do is help compensate for the lack of certain hormones one has and brings it up to a normal level. It helps people with ADHD with concentration, not intelligence. I am on ADHD meds now; it is going pretty well.

Anxiety (General Anxiety Disorder or GAD). That anxiousness you feel before you take a test is the type of anxiety I feel a lot of the time, for seemingly no reason. It has spiked in class a lot of times, and that panic just becomes overwhelming. Quick tip: a good breathing exercise that helps me is in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. I don’t rely solely on it, but it does tend to ground me. When it does spike, my throat feels weird and it is difficult to breathe (hence the breathing exercises) because my whole body is actually tensing up, and it is literally difficult to breathe because my throat is tighter. I play music or do something to distract myself because for now, that is all I know how to do. This disorder sometimes leads to panic attacks, and it has a lot in the past.

Depression is one of those big ones, where the media often portrays it as someone looking out the window on a rainy day. This, particularly, is difficult to talk about for me, because last year it was really bad. The details I will keep to myself, but I will, of course, still discuss it. Depression isn’t just feeling sad, it’s more of an absence of emotion over a long period of time. I didn’t see the point in getting up in the morning, and my lates rose dramatically. In this absence of emotion, at least for me, it becomes an ache and a constant longing for something I can’t reach. Last year, I began to isolate myself. I didn’t take care of myself because I did not see the point in it. It wasn’t healthy in any capacity. (I’m a lot better than I was then, don’t worry.)

So, now that you have context: I’m beginning to choose my classes for my next year of high school.

I’m smart enough to take AP courses, but because of the way my brain works, I know I absolutely cannot handle the workload. I understand all the material for this year, I pick up on it immediately, but the workload is always what kills me.

While yes, I hate school, it sucks, I want to learn about math and science in higher level courses, and I want to do more with my electives in performing arts. The school district I am in has a lot of opportunities; I want to take music theory, creating music with technology, acting studio, choir, band, be in improv club and the play in the fall and the musical in the spring but I just can’t handle all of it. And it sucks that I can’t do what I love.

I only have one elective this year, and will only have one next year. I also am required to take only two years of history and three years of math and science. If I can not take history and/or math next year and push it over to Junior/Senior year, I might be able to have two or three electives, but this is only if this is allowed.

I want to be able to come to a compromise. Doing what I like for homework is easier than doing what I don’t like for homework, even with mental health issues. I would still fulfill all of my requirements and do what I love while accomplishing more at school if they allow me to push back a class or two a year.

I feel like this is a fitting analogy for how society should deal with mental illness-- understanding and compromise. Helping people with their mental health to succeed at what they want to do instead of pointing at mental illness as “the problem.” If we can come to this as a society, a lot more people can succeed, the suicide rate would go down because more people would feel like they have somewhere to turn-- overall, those with mental health issues would be helped instead of being blamed for something they cannot control and have no one to help them with.

Please, stop the stigma against mental illness. It’s not helping anything.

#update #trigger warning #mental illness #adhd #anxiety #depression #gun mention #school shooting #suicide mention #this is a pretty personal topic #i share a lot about myself #and my opinions on mental illness #so buckle up #i hate essays but i think i just wrote one #whoops

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meowingjasper · 4 years

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Lost Souls Ch 2 Nadia - Mistakes Have Been Made

If I'm being honest, finding out I’m a demigod wasn’t a big pill to swallow like it was for my cousin. I’ve always had the expectations of being above average. I am the principal’s only kid, after all. Perfection is the expectation. Valedictorian, despite my dyslexia. Karate as an attempt to control my ADHD. Flaws are unneeded. Unwanted. So being a half-god? It wasn’t a gift or blessing, it was a requirement.

Yet, despite my strives towards the expectations set for me, my godly father has chosen to not acknowledge my existence long enough to claim me as their own. The facts were there, plain as day. Everyone is expecting me to surpass their perfect goals with better results. It would only be sensible that a god’s expectations and goals were higher than a mortal’s.

I would have to meet and triumph them in due time, but for now, I will make due at camp. A week has passed since Anastasia and I have arrived. She’s been practicing with Silena and hanging out with Keith in her free time. We talk, but mostly just a passing greetings. Now it’s nightfall on our seventh day, and it was dinnertime for the campers. I filled a plate with food and scanned the area for Anastasia. Keith was messing with some mechanical device while surrounded by his family, Anastasia was joking around with the sunshine children, and Silena, like her nickname the campers have given her, was gone without a trace of her existence. Gripping my plate, for stability, I left the pavillion and made my way to the beach. I took a seat and started to eat my food, watching the sun fall behind the ocean horizon.

A voice spoke up, “Enjoying the view?” I glanced up and saw a woman with wild red hair and bright eyes. She looked down at me and smiled, “Hi. I’m Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Camp Half-Blood’s residential oracle and only mortal.”

Shocked, I blurted out, “You’re a mortal?”

Rachel nodded, “Yep! And you want to know the best part?” She pulled her staff off of her back and the tip popped open. I opened my mouth to ask, but was cut off by the sound of a gunshot followed by a loud splash behind me. Rachel finished, “I can do that and say my weapon is also a gun and be the only one to get the joke.” A soft giggle slipped out of her as she sat down beside me and put away her weapon. Her bright smile faded to concern and she questioned, “What’s wrong? I’m usually the only one who eats out here. I rarely get company and most of them are only coming to sulk.” Part of me wanted to ask for details, but I bit my tongue. Curiosity and invasion of barriers is going to lead to exposed vulnerability.

Not daring to meet her eyes, I lied, “Nothing’s wrong. I simply wanted to enjoy the sea air. And the sun going over the sea is a nice touch.”

To my surprise, Rachel snapped, “You’re lying. Don’t even try to protest it. Trust me, I once knew a boy like you.” I doubt it. “Have you ever heard of a boy named Percy Jackson?”

I couldn’t help but scoff, “Who hasn’t? Legend of the demigod world. Holder of the sky, retriever of the Lightning Bolt, finder of the Golden Fleece, denier of immortality. He was on the front lines of both the second Titan War and the second Giant War. Unkillable, unmatchable, god-level son of Poseidon, Perseus Jackson.”

Rachel sighed, “Yeah, that’s what memories of him in this camp has boiled away to. But Percy wasn’t perfect, far from it. I knew him personally before he died a couple of decades ago. Percy may have always seemed strong, but he used to be fragile, and self-conscious, and emotional. He would take on the burdens of his friends on top of his own. He was constantly worried that he wasn’t living up to what the world was expecting of him. Haunted by a feeling of weakness no matter how hard he worked. He enjoyed causing harmless trouble, like creating pranks with the Hermes twins, but he also had a problem with grudges and often had rivalries that he was the jealous one. But whenever he was hurting, he felt he had to hide it. He only let a few of us in close enough to see and experience that side of him.” I frowned, for once not knowing how to approach replying to a story like the one she told. His story was more relatable, more humane, than the versions I hear from other campers. It was almost pitiful how his humanity had been stripped away after his passing. Rachel perked up, “Hey, I noticed you’ve been staying in the Big House. How come? Who’s your parent?” Ah, as expected. A question I’ve learned was common in introductions. Name then age then location then godly heritage. I didn’t know how to respond. A lie would give her an expected response, but it could easily be disputed. She has also proven capable of seeing through my deceit.

Begrudgingly, I replied with the honest answer, “I’m not sure. I haven’t been claimed yet.”

Rachel hesitated, “Really? But the gods made an oath to claim their kids by 13. I mean, we’ve had some strong cases, but even then they get claimed after their first couple days at camp.” Well then. So, not only did I fail to live up to my father’s expectations, but even fell below the average ones. That is certainly a troublesome development.

That night, a decision came to mind as I crawled out of bed. Next to me was a silver pocket watch, the only gift from my father to me upon my birth. It wasn’t anything too special and often was the wrong time. Rubbing my finger over the unfamiliar emblem, I took a deep breath. This decision was for the benefit of everyone, was it not? No matter.

I grabbed my bag, and threw the few possessions in it, over my shoulder. Silently, I crept across the camp and towards the hill. Just as I was about to reach it, I felt something wrap around my ankle. Looking down, I noticed it was a vine from the strawberry fields. As I was pulling out my umbrella to cut it away, a tired voice called out, “Nancy, what do you think you’re doing?” I knew this voice, the one interference I was concerned about. Sitting there was Dionysus, also referred to in camp as Mr. D. Names have power, after all.

Straightening up, I replied, “Leaving. I think it’s best for everyone if I did so.”

Mr. D looked unimpressed, “Well sorry to mess your oh so important plans up, but no one leaves unless they’ve been given permission. Or a child of Hades. We gave up on trying to contain those brats. But I don’t recall you being given permission by anyone.”

Scowling, I decided my next move was best to be a snarky reply, “I didn’t ask.”

Mr. D. glared at me, in a way only a god could pull off, “If you thought you could sneak past a god, think again brat.” Frustration boiled within me as I threw down my blade and cut through the vine. I managed to get a single step closer to the edge before another vine took its place. “It’s a pointless venture. I have no problem letting troublemakers like you get yourself killed, but that would just mean more paperwork.”

I blurted out, “Just stop it!”

That only caused him to raise his brow, “Now you think you can order me around?” something burned inside of me. Not burned, per say, but erupted. Like a switch, like a pipe bursting.

Throwing down my weapon to cut the vine, I screamed, “STOP!” And… he did. But not just him. Looking around, I noticed everything had froze. Mr. D. was frozen like he was about to speak, the wind had cut off, and even the falling leaves nearby stayed mid-air. I looked down to my leg, only to see the vine mid tear, not yet fully losing its shape. Hesitantly, I pulled my leg out. Panic took over my mind and body, forcing my body to move. I didn’t care where. I didn’t care how long I was running. Anywhere. Nowhere. Not there. Not at camp. Not after that. Not after I failed. I broke. I can’t afford to face the disappointment and resent that would come after. That always came after.

I was so caught up in running, I failed to notice the clock symbol glowing above my head. Nor did I notice the ones who did.

I reached the city with torn clothes and heavy breath. I didn’t know what city, Camp Half-Blood isn’t exactly on the common person’s map. Everytime I tried to ask, people just moved around me. Like the disease I was. Like the mistake I was. Suddenly, I felt something yank at my bag. I glanced back, but there was no one there. At least, no one that could’ve been responsible for the tug. An unfamiliar uncertainty grew inside of me and I turned forward to continue running. A person shoved into me and I stumbled into a side alley. Tripping, I saw my bag slide forward in front of me. My mind flashed back to the day when all of this started. To my mother with her title and the one bestowed on me. To the trio of girls that always lied and bribed to break any sense of order I established and was responsible to maintain. To Anastasia, my dear cousin. I could tell she looked up to me, but that was her gravest mistake. She… will be better now. She thrives at camp, I thrash.

Tears stung my eyes, much to my dismay. Rapidly I attempted to blink them away. Bury them. Forget them. I forced myself to my feet and snatched up my bag. I turned around to head back towards the main street only to be cut off by a figure in a hoodie. By his height and shape, I could guess he was around my age. There was something about him, though, that churned my gut and cut my walking short. I opened my mouth to call out to him when another figure wrapped around me from behind and pressed a white rag against my mouth and nose. Sleeping drugs. Wonderful.

With my vision blurring and my body losing strength, I attempted to cry out for help. For somebody. Anybody. But no one came. No one cared. No one ever does. Behind the boy, people passed by without even sparing a glance in my direction. Behind me, I could hear a girl giggle, “Even if we didn’t manipulate the Mist, did you really think a bunch of mortals would care about somebody like you?” I didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. But I didn’t need to.

Darkness started to take over and the last thing that I could make out was a sword with a half steel and half bronze blade, along with a male’s voice laughed, “Oh, it is good to be back!”

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getpregnant-blog1 · 5 years

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Dinosaurs and Their Appeal to Children on the Autism Spectrum

New Post has been published on http://www.karanschmidt.com/2019/05/25/dinosaurs-and-their-appeal-to-children-on-the-autism-spectrum/

Dinosaurs and Their Appeal to Children on the Autism Spectrum

Dinosaurs and the Autism Spectrum

Autism is a life-long, debilitating condition that affects a surprising number of people. Research from the National Autistic Society suggests that as many as half a million people in the UK have some form of Autism or have a related condition such as Asperger Syndrome. Autism is a condition that affects the way in which people relate to themselves and the world around them. Sufferers can be over-sensitive to sensory stimuli, they can find it difficult to make sense of their environment. Asperger Syndrome is a form of Autism. People with Asperger Syndrome find it difficult to communicate and interact with others. Neither Autism or Asperger Syndrome are related to low intelligence, indeed, from our experience with children that have Asperger Syndrome the child concerned is often shown to have a higher than average IQ. For example, one of the attractions of dinosaurs to children on the Autism Spectrum are the long names and all the complicated facts associated with these prehistoric monsters. Some children on the spectrum, seem able to retain vast amounts of information related to their favourite dinosaurs and can recite an astonishing amount of factual information about them.

Detecting Children on the Autism Spectrum

These conditions cannot be detected just by looking at a person, there are no visual symptoms but they do manifest themselves in certain behaviours. If these behaviours can be identified in young children at an early age than steps and processes can be put in place to help them and their families manage their condition in an effective way. As these are termed “hidden disabilities” it can be very difficult to diagnose the condition. Fortunately, thanks to the campaigning of a number of charities and other organisations the awareness of both Autism, Asperger Syndrome and other related conditions has risen substantially over the last twenty years or so and many teachers and teaching assistants are now trained in being able to identify Autism in the school children in their class.

Children with Asperger Syndrome may have fewer difficulties with their speech and they usually do not have the accompanying learning difficulties associated Autism, but they may have specific learning issues. These can include dyspraxia and dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Fortunately, society’s understanding of these conditions has greatly improved since my own time at school. Recently a friend was diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum and having related dyslexia but as a school child her condition was not noticed and she did not (and nor did her parents), receive the help and support needed.

With the right help and encouragement, people on the Autism Spectrum and with Asperger Syndrome can lead completely fulfilled and independent lives. The important thing from our perspectives as teachers is to understand the condition and to put in place support at an early stage to help children and their parents/guardians/family members manage.

Autism is a Spectrum

When teaching a class it can be difficult to identify the behaviours in a young child that could indicate that this child has Autism or a related condition. The problem is there are “degrees” of Autism. I always prefer the term Autism Spectrum condition rather than the alternative title Autism Spectrum syndrome, but in my experience both are used. I imagine the condition of Autism like a long bar with a person with this condition fitting somewhere along this bar as each individual can be affected differently. It is true to say that whilst all people with Autism will share certain behaviours and difficulties making sense of their world and their environment, some people will be able to live independent lives whilst others, who may have related learning difficulties and disabilities will require specialist support throughout their lives.

Where do Dinosaurs Fit In?

There are certain types of behaviour associated with children on the Autism Spectrum. Not all people will display the same behaviours, Autism affects individuals in different ways. One of the mantras I use when teaching in a class where there is a child or children on the Autism Spectrum is to remember to “celebrate their uniqueness and to rejoice in the way that they are able to see the world differently from myself”. However, there are common behaviours and the subject of dinosaurs seems to lend itself to them.

For example, some children may be natural scholars and become extremely knowledgeable about a subject they enjoy. Studying dinosaurs seems to tick many of the boxes for them and they become almost totally immersed in their subject. Children on the Autism Spectrum may be able to recall information better than their peers, with so many facts and figures surrounding the study of dinosaurs they seem to be naturally drawn to this topic. For instance, being able to quote facts and statistics about dinosaurs – which was the biggest, fiercest, heaviest, fastest, longest? Vertebrate palaeontology and the Dinosauria in particular seem to be a rich source of information that is often recited repeatedly with parents/guardians being bombarded with questions and demands for more data.

In addition, young people on the Autism Spectrum may often not want to join in games with other children, preferring to play alone, immersing themselves in their favourite subject area and playing with dinosaur models and other replicas. Often they can repeat the game over and over again or insist on doing the same activity over and over again at the same time each day. The availability of videos and DVDs on dinosaurs can help with this. Children on the Autism Spectrum can enjoy watching repeated plays of the same DVD.

Dinosaur Days Out

Fortunately, there are a number of museums that have displays of dinosaur fossils and other items that can be visited. However, for a family taking a child on the Autism Spectrum out for the day can be a daunting prospect and one difficult episode can result in the parents/guardians losing all confidence.

There are some hopefully helpful tips and advice we can pass on to help parents/guardians manage the day out ensuring that it is a rewarding activity for all concerned.

1). Remember the Sensitivity

Some children on the Autism Spectrum can be over sensitive to loud noises and bright lights. If intending to visit a dinosaur attraction we recommend contacting the providers before you go to gain an understanding of any elements that may be distressing to your child.

2). Contact the Provider before you Visit

Getting in touch with the museum before the day gives you the chance to learn about any special arrangements that may be in place to help you get the most out of your day. You can also receive specialist advice and organise support on the day should it be needed.

3). Get the Guidebook before you Go

By getting a guidebook or leaflet before you visit you and your child can plan their day. This can help the child preparing them for the experience to a degree and enable you and your family to be able to get the most out of the visit

Obsessing on Dinosaurs

Not all children on the Autism Spectrum will have obsessions. Those that do may not obsess on dinosaurs and prehistoric animals. For instance, we have encountered a number of young children who become totally immersed in subjects as diverse as cars and “Thomas the Tank Engine”, but a number of children do develop a fascination for the Dinosauria. This in itself is no bad thing, as with the establishment of the creative curriculum in most parts of the United Kingdom schools are often covering this subject area within their teaching schemes of work. Learning about dinosaurs can help develop confidence, after all, many children will share this common interest and love of all things to do with dinosaurs. There are a large number of supplies of resources that can assist, everything from the local library, the regional museum and of course the internet. For parents/guardians too, learning about dinosaurs can be a rewarding experience especially if it is an area the enables them to celebrate the way in which their particular child views the world.

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awesome-legendarystudentcho-blog · 6 years

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I got into an accident on 12/ 15. since then i havnt drove my car bc its not fix or its just waiting for it to be junked. and my monthly payment goes out on about the last week of each month. (my payment goes electronically from my bank ) so on 12/29 they took the monthly payment of december. and then in jan 28, it took another payment even though i wasnt driving the car. my insurance expires this coming march. so do i continue to pay till march even though the car is not used?

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Do i still pay the monthly payment (car insurance) after a accident?

What car insurance companies dont base quotes on youngest driver on policy?

i genuinely want to be added on my parents car policy just for occasional use, i am 17 and all the quotes i have got are still riddiculously priced as insurance companies base prices on youngest driver on policy even if they are additional driver""

How should I renew my car insurance in this case of seperation (not yet divorced)?

Can anyone recommend a good car insurance company?

I'm just looking for some quotes at the moment. To narrow it down: I've been driving for 4 yrs. No accidents. Gieco, State Farm, and All State are not available in my area. Anyone have any experience with any other good car insurance agency?""

I need some help!!? Car Insurance prediciton:?

I am 16, and i have had my G2 for 2-3weeks....and got my G1 10months ago in ONTARIO. I am not the primary driver on a car(my parents have 2 cars....they are the primary drivers) Tonight i slid off the road and hit a tree( roads were slippery and wet as it was snowing) and maybe 3-4 thousand dollars damage was done to the front of the car!! How much will my insurance go up per month??( it was a 2007 hyundai elantra with snow tires)""

Weird health insurance situation?

My hubby had two claims from a sleep study clinic that were marked as Out of network by my insurance. As such, the insurance company cut me a check for the portion of the bill that they are required to pay (instead of paying the clinic directly). I had to cash them immediately or else the checks would be void. Normally, we get a bill from the clinic with our total bill (including what the insurance needed to pay) and we then pay what the insurance wrote us a check for in addition to our portion. Now, the clinic has decided to write off what was marked as out of network. So, I have the money and nowhere to pay it. Is it ethical/legal for me to just keep it? It feels really wrong...""

Insurance Question 16 year old?

I am a 16 year old boy, I just got my license. What I have to drive is a 2011 Mustang GT 5.0 liter V8, 2 wheel Drive. The price on the car is $32,565. If both my parents and I are insured on the car, how much should my own personal payment be for 1 month with a normal plan (not collision). My parents have never had an accident and are 40 and 36 years old. If I cannot get an exact quote can someone please tell me about how much the car would be a month to insure? Thanks very much. ***I have also completed a drivers education course that should lower my insurance 10-15%.""

Why did my wife's auto insurance premiums go up after I got a DUI?

After I pleaded guilty to a DUI charge, my wife's auto insurance company refused to renew her policy. Because we are married, other insurance companies have either quoted her higher premiums or refused a quote for her based upon my mistake. We had separate insurance companies, I was driving my car, not hers. She was not in the car with me and had nothing to do with it. I was pulled over because my license plate light was burned out. I was not driving erratically, speeding or anything of that sort. I had not had any violations in 16 years and she hasn't in nearly 30-years. Why is my wife being punished for my mistake and how is it legal?""

""Average car insurance for 17 year old in ON, Canada?""

I'm a 17 year old female, no problems with driving, and with drivers ed course completed and certified. I have good grades going from 70s-90's. I'm looking into getting the new 2012 Ford Fiesta once I get my G2. How much would I pay a year/month for car insurance? Thanks""

Car insurance deposit?

i want my car insurance to start on 11th feb. my quote says i need to pay a deposit followed by 11 monthly installments. If i signed up for the policy today to start on 11th will they ask me for the deposit to be paid now or will they take it on 11th?

I need a life insurance policy that is affordable for my mom who has cancer?

I do not have alot of money and I am trying to find a life insurance policy that I can afford for my mom. Sha has cancer in her throat and I can not find an insurance company that will give her insurance under $100 a month. Ant ideas?

How much will my car insurance go up when i have passed my driving test?

I am a 17 year old girl. I am on diamond car insurance and for a provisional insurance for a year it costs 850. Does anyone know how much it will go up?

""Around wat do u think the cost of my insurance will be, im 17 years old with a jeep cherokee?""

Around wat do u think the cost of my insurance will be, im 17 years old with a jeep cherokee?""

Anybody self employed got medical insurance successfully in usa?

Hi I am self employed. Have anybody got single employee insurance successfully? if yes I will like to know who is your insurance carrier. I have precondition so I am declined individual coverage or premium is $1000/month. Thank you

Is getting the cheapest possible car insurance a good idea?

Like SafeAuto.

Do I need my car insurance for an oil change?

I know this might sound like a dumb question, but I'm 16 years old so it is my first time driving on my own and having my own car. I'm wondering, do I need proof of car insurance to get a basic oil change?""

Best Insurance Rate/Company after DUI/DWI?

I got a DUI about a year and a half ago (Yes, I know very stupid) I switched insurance companies after it happened to get a better rate. I am with Progressive now and paying about $190/month. I live in NC and drive a 10 year old Jeep Wrangler, I have an excellent driving record with no tickets or accidents, the only thing on my record is the DUI. Does anyone have any advice on which insurance company might offer the best rates or if there is anything I can do to lower my rate? Is there any way to get coverage without them checking my driving record and seeing my DUI??? Thanks""

Car insurance cost of 94 Cadillac devill?

Have a Teenage son 18 and Want Car insurance let me know how much you paid and what Insurance co and what Car?

Thanks

Best room insurance for a University student?

Which company provides the best deal on room insurance for students? Cheers

Need help with my car insurance. . . ?

i need some help cos i'm pretty confused so i bought a car at the start of the year, took out a loan to get it, etc and I have been having no problems paying it off so that was going fine. than two months ago i had a huge crash which totalled my car. It wasn't deemed my fault or the other person's fault. I did have full comprehensive insurance, but i missed two payments. I remember recieving a letter saying if i kept missing these payments then my insurance would be cancelled. Than when i put my claim in to get my insurance on my car through after the crash, they said i had recieved a letter syaing that my insurance had been cancelled due to lack of payments. I'm confused, i didn't get that letter. now, i have no car and am still paying off that loan. Is there any way I can fix this. I don't think i would be able to get another loan for another car, and i don't want to put myself into that much debt, but i really do need a car help?!?!?!""

Car insurance help needed?

For reasons I do not want to discuss here, my car has not had auto insurance on it for about a year, it has not been driven only set in my garage. I am trying to get insurance on it again so I can drive it again, but because I put I have not had insurance for a year the monthly payment is not manageable, if I put that my last policy ended a week ago and get a policy online will I need to show proof of this or is there another way to get insurance and not have to pay such high premiums?""

Will my insurance go up after a carpool violation?

I was driving on the carpool lane today(I wasn't suppose to because carpool says 3 or more persons and it was me and my sister only), and a CHP saw me, so he pulled me and asked for my license, registration and insurance. Then he asked me why I was in the carpool lane, and I said that a car cut me off so I had to avoid coalition and so I went into the carpool lane...not sure if this was a smart answer, but anyway he gave me the ticket and said that I will receive something in the mail. My question is, I know i'm going to get a point for this violation, but will me insurance rate go up? how will this affect me?""

Did you agree over a decade ago when California made police asking for auto insurance illegal?

For a few years, police were not allowed to ask for auto insurance from motorists. Much of the argument in favor of that law was that it discriminated against poor Mexicans. It was overturned eventually as auto insurance violations/irresponsibility became epidemic. How does this relate to the current law in Arizona? How does it relate to the mandatory health insurance law?""

Insurance's on a 16 year old driver?

i am 16 years old and i am looking for cars.. i found a used 2006 audi a6, i really like it and i want it to be my first car!!! does any body know how much it would cost too insure me under it ??????????""

Can I put my girlfriend on my health insurance if she lives with me? Or do we have to be married?

Do i still pay the monthly payment (car insurance) after a accident?

What can I get for medical insurance?

Im 26 and collecting unemployment. I currently have no medical insurance. What can I get for medical until I get another job?

Does anyone know about affordable health insurance for people who are near blind?

A friend has very bad vision, has to get specially made lenses and contact lenses, which for the glasses would cost about $600 even with insurance. She can't get normal coverage due to her bad vision. Are there any insurance companies that would cover more? Please let me know.""

How can I learn how much money do I have to pay for short term disability insurance?

I am going to start a business. And , I have 11 employees . I would like to get short term disability insurance plan and long term term disability insurance plan for my employees, and life insurance too . How much much money money do I have to pay for this?""

What is the best health insurance and affordable in arizona?

for mom and a daughter

Is AETNA a good health insurance to get?

my benefits package came from work, it offers medical from Aetna is that a good health insurance provider? What about Guardian Plan ppo for Dental??""

Is there anyone in california that helps people with claiming insurance from the other party's insurance compa?

My wife and I were crossing the street in San Francisco when we were run down by a cab. Police report says cab driver is at fault. Problem is we're about to head back to our country (we're tourists) and need help settling obligations with the hospital by claiming damages from the cab company's insurance company. While we're back in our own country. Is there an office that assists foreigners with claiming?

""Looking for auto insurance, do I need to report an accident?

I was driving a friend's car and was involved in an accident. I was not at fault and no ticket was issued. My friend's insurance paid for the damage on the other car. Do I need to report this accident while shopping for car insurance or can I leave it out? I live in California and was required to report the accident to the DMV even though I was not at fault.

Insurance cost for ferrari?

what is the insurance cost for a new ferrari f430 which costs 220,000 for a 32 year old in florida with a perfect record please dont say if you have to ask you cant afford it because i can i just want to see what you think because i have a estimate!! by the way if you say if you have to ask you cant afford it if you give me a good answer you will get 10 points!!!""

Why do so few people understand the Affordable Care Act?

Fact: You will be required beginning January 1st to pay upwards of $200 per month or more per individual if you do not presently have health insurance. The average estimated cost to you as an individual has been estimated to be $328 per month. This applies to all citizens of the United States. If you do not pay for health insurance, you will be fined $95 for the first year and subsequent years this fine will go up by hundreds of dollars per year. For those of you who think this is some kind of left-wing fact - Read A Newspaper. To me, $200 to $300 or more is a car payment or to put it another way - 2 weeks of groceries. How will you be able to afford this?""

What is the cheapest affordable insurance for an 18 year old male?

Alright so I am 18, I live at home, and I need to pay for my own insurance. I go to high school full time, I have good grades and I have taken drivers ed. I work 30 + Hours a week and make about 800 per month. I have about $6000 saved up to but a car plus insurance, I have found a 2005 KIA rio for $3500. I already have tags to put. My parents are very poor, both receive social security, and I am the youngest of five. Is there any possible way I could get insurance for $300 a month minimal coverage. If anyone has any ideas, or advice please let me know. Thank You""

How can I get cheap insurance for my 18 y.o. son? I got him a 2004 Accord and now we have 2 cars and 2 drivers?

He doesn't live with me - he lives at his moms' who has her own car. How can I make it so he is occasional so I don't have to pay $4000 a year in insurance? Can I just insure the cars and keep them under my name while letting him drive it while he lives at his moms? Will they accept that he doesn't live with me so should be occasional if both cars are in my name? Any ideas how I can do this?

Can you please tell me of a insurance company that will give me insurance even if i have?

a pre existing medical condition i need critical illness insurance with a 6 months waiting can you give a link please to some insurance company's

Does a citation go on your insurance?

Does motorcycle insurance help future auto insurance?

My driving record isnt very good. So i was considerong a motorcycle since insurance is less expensive. In the future i would like car insurance. Will having motorcycle insurance say for like a year help me when i get auto insurance later on. Ive never been insured. 21 yr single male 1 accident of 8000+payouut 3Pts on license

Can my car insurance cover the damage I did to my neighboor's car?

I made a dent to his car, with my door. We spoke, and I asked him to get an estimate. It is 600 dollars. If my insurance pays for it, what would happen to my payments? how much are they expected to change?""

Can i insure a car in one state and register in another?

i am going to school in South Carolina and have a permanent address in New York. Can i register my car in SC and insure it in New York?

Cheapest car insurance?

I'm looking for the cheapest car insurance coverage right now. All I need is an affordable quote, so I don't care about how good the company is or how much they will cover. I just need affordable insurance to drive a car. I had 2 tickets, and all the quotes I've been getting so far are over $1,000 for 6 months. I am fully aware that I drove like a dummy and was unlucky as hell; that's where the 2 tickets came from. So please don't make any comment on that. I just need some help. Thank you!""

Is it cheaper on insurance to make payments on a car or buy it straight out?

Car auto insurance and person at fault wont pay.?

My sister was driving my car and was hit but the person at fault is refusing to pay. Filed a claim with both insurance companies . My insurance company refused to pay becuase my sister is not included in the policy and the other persons insurance company refuse to pay because they claim her insurance canceled because she moved out of state a couple of days prior to accident. Whoever was handling my claim refused to help at all since My sister was not included in the policy. What do I do? The other driver admitted it was her fault and I believe it is in the claim letter i received.

Can you get your license in California without buying insurance right away?

I have had my permit since last June and have taken two behind the wheel lessons. My mom just told me that she cant get me my license because of the cost of insurance. I was wondering ...show more

Do you have too get insurance on rentacar?

do you need insurance on car rental

What is the cost of an insurance for a 250 cc scooter? (Louisiana)?

I know that there are many options, but a vague answer is fine. I just want to know if it will be around 100$ or 500$.""

How much is insurance for a 2001 mercury cougar. If I am 16? (EST.)?

With this. I am 16 year old. live in MN first car. go on my parents plan. B+ average. And just no Liability. Not any other plans like coverage ect. Just No liability. Thanks! Oh it's in a metro area too

""Does insurance cover one driver, or the car?""

Like does the insurance only cover one driver, or does the insurance cover the whole car and whoever is driving? Like can I drive another person's car if they are insured? How about my parents car?""

How much is a male 17 year old new driver going to have to pay for car insurance?

Do i still pay the monthly payment (car insurance) after a accident?

Cheapest motorcycle insurance?

Im 16 and Im thinking about buying a small sports bike. like a Kawasaki Ninja 250 or Honda CBR250R. I have a my license and a clean driving record. If i just wanted to be covered for Bodily Liability and Property Liability, what company do you think would offer the cheapest insurance? I know that under my circumstances insurance will be disgustingly high, but i want a bike that bad.""

How much will my insurance go up after a minor accident and a aspeeding ticket?

I live in California and in the past 4 months I got in a Fender bender(10MHP and the Guy is claiming bodily injuruy awell.) and In November I got a speeding ticket. But I am unable to attend traffic school cause I fought the ticket. I'm 19 My moms the main insurer on the car and its a sports car. Any idea how much will my insurance will go up? Any Ideas? I might have to sell my car if its too much. I have insurance through Geico.

Cheapest place to insure a peugeot 106 1.1 or a peugeot 106 quiksilver?

Im getting pissed off with the prices of inurance for my car the cheapest i can get it is 3200 fully comp (third party is more money for some reason?!?) and ive tryed all these compare websites and they are utter bollocks i might aswell not have passed my bastard driving test with these prices, i may have to wait another year for my insurance to go down. Btw im 19 year old and have been passed 4 month, can anyone help me im sick of ******* looking at insurance websites, thanks""

What are homeowners insurance rates for mobile homes?

Is there any way i can get off your parents insurance?

because i want to apply for my own insurance. 17, 18 in 60 days.""

16 year old looking for car insurance?

Hi, I am a 16 year old male living in California and I just got my license. What are some good, cheap car insurance agencies? Thanks.""

I am trying to get health insurance however I do not have a home base with my job?

I contantly move from one place to another after only a month or a few. Does anyone know if there is any company that can cover someone like me who moves from state to state? The company I have spoke to said they only cover someone in one state and when you leave the state you only would get covered for emergency situations.

Buying a car/insurance help?

I am 17, currently taking driving lessons and looking to buy a car. I wanted quite a big car, such as the Ford mavric as ones that i have found in my price range. However the insurance is huge for them type of cars. I was wondering if anyone could tell me quite big cars with cheap insurance Thanks""

Where can I find the best and affordable health insurance?

employer does not provide health insurance anymore. where can i find the best affordable health insurance that i pay for myself? thanks

""I only have a learners permit, can I get auto insurance with just a learner's permit?""

I only have a learners permit, can I get auto insurance with just a learner's permit?""

Health Insurance for individuals in the Seattle are?

Fifty year old healthy couple looking for some good but AFFORDABLE health insurance. Currently have Regence Blue Cross and just got hit with a 30% increase. Ouch!! Hardly use it, ...show more""

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

Gender inequality CAR INSURANCE!! why?

Seriously why do guys have to pay more for car insurance compared to women? It is unfair. If this was the other way round, all the females will be complaining and protesting. Now obviously women expect men to bend over backwards for there so called 'rights'. Right i now most of the women who use yahoo answer come back will be 'Men cause more accidents'. Well in fact men do not proportionately cause more accidents, men have more accidents, but men drive proportionately far more than women at a given time 79% of of all cars being driven are by males, 71% of all accidents are by males. Same goes with young males (17-22), they tend to be the first to want to embrace there rights when they turn 17 to be able to drive an automobile. You could clearly use your imagination and see that the stats are true. In a traditional nuclear family who drives mostly? obviously the husband (male). How would women feel like if they lost the right to equal pay.. because of statistics that they tend to take more days off due to things like maternity leave.""

Is there anyone that has Mercury Car Insurance? I am wondering if they are any good? Please help!?

Just curious on how they rate compared to other insurance companies.

Cheap full coverage insurance?

My brother is buying a 2008 Kia rio 5 and has to have full coverage. He is 20 years old. Where in Kansas is a good option for affordable full coverage insurance?

Is there a life insurance that can be purchased for a 90 year old lady?

Cost of insurance on a mercedes Benz each month?

i have to do a gay project

""Sad Love Story, Car Insurance question for a 19 year old. Please Help. Will reward 10 points?""

I have been seeing this boy for a while now and I have completely fallen for him. My entire life fell apart in high school last year and he's the only thing that has gone right. He is the one person who makes my heart race all fast and stomach do flips with those butterflies. I'm absolutely crazy about him. I have my license but I'm just not ensured. My grandfather found a receipt I left by accident in the car and looked at the miles and I got the car taken away. I can't stop crying, if any of you are in love you know how I must feel. I can't stop crying. I know exactly how Juliet must have felt :'( Now on the the insurance question. My 70 year old grandfather won't let me drive anymore until I'm insured. He has esurance and I am 19 and want to get added onto it. Does anyone have any idea of the cost? It would help me out so much so I know how much I need to save. I guess till then I will have to take the bus to see him :( thank you! I will reward best answer.""

How much do you pay for your car insurance?

Toronto, ON""

If I have homeowners insurance do I have to have hazard insurance as well?

I have home owners insurance already, do I need to keep paying hazard insurance? I live in New Mexico.""

Affordable car insurance company's?

I am currently with farmer's insurance but i feel they are too expensive so is there any company's that are cheaper and affordable rates?

Do you think it's best to get your own life insurance?

I just got married and had a 2 month old daughter this year. My baby is so precious and I am thinking What If I die anytime. I want to set her up as early as now. I don't want her to go through any hardships in life that I gone through. I'm 31 and I can pay for the insurance right now but I'm thinking if it's more logical to pay the insurance premium or just save the money in a bank. Please give me some insights on this.

""When your 18 and still in high school, does the car insurance company still check your grades for a discount?

My younger sister recently turned 18 and got her license. She's in dying need of insurance but she's a D average student and ashamed to show her grades. Does the car insurance discount still apply to students who are 18?

How do I figure how much life insurance I will need?

So is the car insured or the person? can i deliver pizzas on someone elses insurance/car ?

hi i have been given a good opportunity to start working and a great friend willing to lend me their vechicle to deliver pizzas, reall good friend. the car is insured and i live with friend if that makes a difference anyone know for sure ? Do we got to let the insurance company know or what ??""

Do i still pay the monthly payment (car insurance) after a accident?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/does-car-insurance-cost-same-every-james-gipson"

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