#Although you could probably guess the context for this

[somegrumpynerd]

Narrator voice: they weren't.

#UTDR #Charlie Stuff #More out of context scribbles for truce au #Although you could probably guess the context for this #A certain dadmare writer has already correctly identified 2 things coming up so they'll know what this is about for sure #(Still can't believe you called that I'm genuinely super impressed) #I'm just quickly scribbling some outlines for future pages while the spirit is with me #Actually I've been doing written plans rough outlines AND proper lines/colouring I've been super productive this week #Good for me c: #Work is about to start ramping up but there should be one more part for this out before christmas!

[raspberryera]

The Fall | 3

Pairing: Vanessa Shelly x Reader

Warnings: Smut, fingering, and oral

Summary: Vanessa drives you home.

Word Count: 3.8k

Authors Note: Thank you so much for 100 likes! This is my first time writing smut so it's pretty short so please let me know if I should make another part!

Several hours had passed since Vanessa's arrival, and as you kept watch on the cameras, she quietly worked on some leftover paperwork. Her presence in the room was silent yet undeniable, her body language professional and composed but with a hint of flirtatiousness that filled you with anticipation as you waited for the shift to finish. As you continued to monitor the cameras, you couldn't help but notice her occasional glances at you, your eyes often shifting towards hers.

The clock on your desk read 4:47 am and you could feel the fatigue slowly creeping up on you, the tiredness slowly overpowering your desire to spend your shift in Vanessa's company. Despite your desire to be at home and rest, something inside you was drawn back to her, and you found yourself unable to peel your eyes away from her. You were aware that your gaze towards Vanessa was bordering on inappropriate given the context of your relationship, though something about her presence and flirtatious mannerisms made it difficult to look away. You knew you probably shouldn't be gawking at a "friend" the way you were, but you couldn't help it anyway, your eyes unwillingly drifting back towards her at every opportunity.

Vanessa saw your glances out of the corner of her eye, and she couldn't help but smile at the fact that you had your eyes on her. She enjoyed the attention that you were giving her.

A bit more time had passed and you checked the clock, which now read 5:58 am as your shift was almost over. You let out a sigh of relief at the realization.

You had unexpectedly remembered that you didn't have a ride home, and with your shift coming to an end very soon, you decided to approach Vanessa and ask her for a ride home, hoping that she would willingly oblige.

"Hey," you said, breaking the momentary standstill between you two.

"Hm?" she hummed at your gentle interruption, her tone somewhat inquisitive.

"Umm... my friend had dropped me off at work," you said, pausing momentarily as you thought about how to phrase your question. "He can't drive me home, so I was wondering if it would be possible for you to drive me home instead?"

"Ah, I see," Vanessa said, her tone mildly amused. She gave you a small grin before responding, "Of course I can give you a ride home. I'm heading that way anyway, and I wouldn't want you stuck here after your long shift." She then paused and gently added, "I guess I have an excuse to spend some more time with you now, do I?"

"I suppose so," you replied, a tinge of embarrassment mixing with the anticipation of spending more time with her.

Vanessa pushed her chair back and stood up, grabbing the stack of paperwork in front of her. "Let's go," she said, you could make out the excitement in her tone when she added, "I can't wait to get home and finally rest."

"Same here," you replied, laughing slightly, standing up from your seat as well. A small blush formed on your face, although it was more due to their growing anticipation of spending more time with Vanessa than to her sudden standing up.

As you both exited the building, the late night air hit you and the silence between you two became more noticeable, but in it, the tension and excitement of the moment was palpable, the prospect of spending more time with Vanessa giving way to a growing anticipation of spending the ride back with her as you walked side by side across the deserted parking lot.

"Do you think I can ride shotgun?" you joked playfully, causing Vanessa to giggle at your humorous response. "I don't think my ego could handle riding in the back of a cop car," you added with a teasing grin.

Vanessa let out a small giggle at your playful banter. As you both continued towards her patrol car, she gave you a playful smile before responding, "Of course you can ride shotgun.” She gave you another cheeky grin as she added, "I don't blame you for avoiding the backseat."

You both made it to the car, Vanessa leading the way towards the passenger side. She reached out for the passenger door to open it for you. You quickly got into the car nodding, silently thanking her. Your hands accidentally brushing against Vanessa's for a short moment before you settled into the seat, your body suddenly heated up at the brief physical contact.

She made her way around the vehicle, slowly circling around to the driver's side. You felt your heart skip a beat as she finally entered into the driver's side, your eyes following her every movement as your body tingled with excitement at the sudden proximity you found yourself in with her.

Vanessa shot you a soft smile as she turned on the engine and put the car into reverse, her eyes meeting yours as she backed out of her parking space. "So," she spoke up, attempting to start a conversation to lessen the tension of the closed space. Vanessa's nervousness at the closeness between the two of you was evident. "What do you usually do after you get off your shift?" she asked, hoping her question would break the awkwardness.

"Well, the obvious answer would be sleep, but sometimes that just doesn't work out," you replied with a light laugh, trying downplay your nervousness. You shrugged and looked over her way as you asked, "How about you?" You shifted slightly in your seat, the closeness between the two of you starting to affect your nerves.

She gave you a small smile. Each passing second she was becoming conscious of the closeness between the two of you. She let out a soft sigh of exasperation as she replied, "I guess that makes two of us, huh? My sleep schedule's all out of wack; I hardly feel tired after my shift at all."

"Really? You're not tired after your long shift?" You asked slightly shocked.

Her head shook back and forth. "Nope, I'm not, surprisingly." A small smile grew on her lips, making it obvious that she wasn't tired in the slightest, which caused you to tilt your head slightly.

"Honestly, I'm not that tired either," you confessed after giving Vanessa a brief glance, your gaze then moving to the road before you. She responded with a light chuckle and a small shrug as she continued to drive, the slight tension from earlier now relieved, the both of you now feeling a bit more relaxed and comfortable.

"Well, that makes two of us, then," Vanessa responded, her teasing glance towards you shifting into a seductive smirk as she continued to drive. "I can think of some ways we can spend our time together." She says teasing you, her eyes remaining fixed on the road.

"I'm sure you can," you responded in a lighthearted tone, teasing Vanessa right back with your reply before your gaze turned back towards the road.

"Oh, you have no idea," Vanessa replied, a smirk growing on her lips. Blush creeped onto your face shocked by her words. She seemed to thrive on your continued response to her teasing.

As you glanced at the road, you noticed that you were nearing your house, Vanessa pulling into your street as she drove on.

She pulled up in front of your house, parking the car before shifting her gaze towards you and speaking, "Want me to walk you to your door?" Her voice was soft yet playful as she gave you a knowing smirk, her words filled with an underlying layer of flirtation as she waited for your response, her eyes remaining fixed on you as she awaited your next move.

"I'd actually like that," you responded, your gaze fixated on Vanessa, your heart beating slightly faster as you took in her knowing smirk.

There was an unspoken tension between the two of you, your mind now filled with the anticipation of what exactly would happen next, if anything would.

You and Vanessa both exit the car, walking side by side up the pathway leading to your front door, the two of you remaining close together as your heart rate begins to increase. The two of you now mere inches apart, your mind flooding with thoughts and images of what exactly might happen once you set foot in the threshold of your front door.

You quickly shook your head away from your thoughts as you reached the front door. Your fingers grasped the handle and turned it, slightly opening it while returning your focus to Vanessa.

There was a moment of silence that lingered in the air, the tension between you two growing thicker with each passing second. You held the door open, your gaze meeting hers and your heart beating rapidly as you looked into her eyes. The desire to jump into Vanessa's arms and kiss her was nearly overwhelming.

You had opened your mouth to speak, to thank her, but Vanessa unexpectedly took control by placing her hands on your face and pulling you in close, her lips crashing fiercely against yours as she fulfilled both of your desires. The kiss was passionate, the pent-up feelings and emotions being released like a dam bursting open. There was no holding back, the overwhelming confirmation that Vanessa had felt the same for you, her lips soft and tasting of blueberry chapstick, her body heat rising with a feverish passion at the intensity of your kiss.

You were intoxicated by the kiss, and Vanessa's expertise in kissing proved to be almost overwhelming, her lips and mannerisms almost too good to be true. As your hands moved from the door to her hips, she pulled slightly back from the kiss to catch her breath and rested her forehead against yours, the two of you locked in a haze of passion as your head swirled with the intensity of the kiss and the closeness of Vanessa.

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Vanessa says, practically panting out, due to being out a breath.

Her words catch you off guard, your face flushed and pulse racing at Vanessa's confession. You weren't sure what to say, your body still recovering from the shock of the kiss and your stomach full of butterflies at the boldness of Vanessa's words. Her panting breaths a sign of her own excitement and arousal. Her bold confession only made the butterflies in your stomach even flap harder.

Her playful demeanor was evident as she leaned back in towards you, her lips connecting forcefully with yours. The kiss became more intense and sloppy - and wet, which now wasn’t the only wet thing.

Vanessa pulled her body closer to yours, her movements becoming more deliberate as she drew you further backward and deeper into the confines of the doorway. Her lips pressed more forcefully against yours, the intimacy and closeness causing the heat to rise rapidly between the two of you. You felt the flood of passion start to overtake your senses, Vanessa's actions leading the way as she pulled you backward towards her, your mind becoming more fuzzy and disoriented due to the intoxicating aroma of her kiss.

As you stumbled backwards into your entryway, she smoothly shut the door behind the both of you with one hand, never taking her lips off yours. She momentarily pulled back to catch her breath. She breathed in heavily to compensate for her rapid breathing and the rise in her heart rate, while maintaining a firm grip on you, her strong hands now clutching your body close, you let out a gasp as she presses you against the door.

As the passion continues to build between the two of you, Vanessa's actions become more deliberate and intense, her hold on you growing tighter and her kisses becoming more forceful as your body begins to react with the sensations of her touch. Her lips press against your own in a fierce display of lust and her tongue begins to enter your mouth, the heat and tension steadily rising as you both lose control. Your breaths becoming louder and more intense as her hands roam your body.

Her hand slowly found its way to your chest, her long fingers gently circling your skin and caressing your tit though your shirt. Her touch was light and tentative at first, but you could feel it growing in fervor and intensity as she moved upwards, her fingers starting to probe and caress your tits as your arms found their way around her neck, leaning into her touch. The intensity of your actions matching the growing heat between the both of you.

The kisses shared between the both of you became more, and more desperate. Your desire for her growing immensely.

You dragged Vanessa, still in the heat of the moment, towards your bedroom, your bodies stumbling a bit as you both kissed, but neither of you cared at this point. It had felt like you had waited for this moment your whole life, and you couldn’t believe it was happening.

As you entered your bedroom, Vanessa pushed you onto the bed, climbing on top of you and smirking down at you. Her newfound position at the forefront of your shared intimate moment giving her control. You had let out a gasp at her movements as you looked up at her.

Vanessa leaned down and gave your lips another lingering kiss, she softly spoke to you, "Hmm, I can’t tell you have many times I've imagined this; you below me," she whispered with a hint of seduction in her voice. She hoped her words would get a reaction out of you.

“Yeah? What exactly did you think about?” You asked, trying to fake your confidence, while deep down you were nervous. Your face heating up slightly, awaiting her response.

She leaned in towards you again, as she whispered, "I thought about how many ways I could please you."

Your eyes widened as you heard her words, and your voice grew thick with lust and desire as you whispered back, "Well, shall we try them out?" Vanessa nodded, as she leaned in further and began leaving wet and sloppy kisses down your neck, you let out a sigh of pleasure.

Vanessa's hands slowly traveled down to the hem of your shirt, her hands gripping it gently as she looked back at you, silently asking for permission to remove it. Your face flushed as you nodded your head, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.

She pulled your shirt up slowly, her hands slipping between the fabric and your body as you sat up slightly to allow her to pull the shirt over your head.

Vanessa tossed your shirt into a corner of the room, unconcerned on where it would end up, leaving you in your bra. She took time to admire your chest and how it moved up and down as you breathed.

"God, you're so hot," Vanessa breathed out, still admiring you as she let your figure and shape sink into her mind.

You felt your body grow slightly flush at her words, and you responded saying, "You're not too bad yourself."

Vanessa leaned back in, gently kissing you at first. Her hands freely roamed your body, desiring to touch every last inch of it, both of your bodies now heating up (even more) as you responded with the same passion, your fingers running through Vanessa's hair. Your breaths becoming heavier, and the tempo of the kisses slowly growing in intensity, your body beginning to melt with pleasure and excitement as Vanessa's lips met yours.

You moaned into the kiss, the feeling of Vanessa's pink, soft lips on yours causing another wave of pleasure to wash over you. Your desire for her grew more and more intense than ever before. Never before would you think you’d even want, need a woman as much as you needed her.

As the kiss became more intense, you couldn't control yourself anymore. You grabbed the hem of her shirt, your fingers gripping the fabric as you lifted it up higher.

As you lifted Vanessa's shirt off, she held her arms over her head to help you, and her body was exposed to you as her shirt was lifted over her head. As the shirt was removed, her dark, lacy bra revealed itself, highlighting her beauty. A smirk was drawn on your face in response as you tossed Vanessa's shirt near yours.

You only had a moment to take in the sight of Vanessa, as she took no time leaning back into kiss you once more, her lips gently yet vigorously meeting yours. Vanessa slowly allowing her body to lean back as she gently spread your legs, pressing the entirety of her body against yours, her knee now rubbing against your heat.

The feeling was intoxicating, it drove you wild, your body craving more, your hips involuntarily lifting as you sought for more friction. Your hips moved in a rhythmic motion as your body begged for more contact, the intensity of the feeling overtaking you and your senses as Vanessa continued to kiss you, her knees digging deeper into your as the motions of your hips grew more intense.

Vanessa's hand quickly darted behind you, her fingers handling the clasp of your bra and unclipping it with swift motion, as you stood motionless for a second, stunned at the ease and quickness of Vanessa's actions. Vanessa then tossed your bra somewhere into the room, exposing your upper body to the open air and creating a feeling of vulnerability before her, watching your reaction to her movements with a half-smirk.

She leaned down and began to leave open mouth kisses on your collarbone, slowly making her way down to your breasts. As she reached your tits she took a nipple into her mouth and rolled the other between her thumb and pointer finger. The sudden contact almost overwhelming, you arched your back at the feeling.

Her motions alternated between swirling her tongue around and sucking on your nipple. Your soft whimpers and panting noises only encouraging her to do more. Vanessa switched sides now paying attention to your other nipple.

Your body had grown even hotter at the feeling of her hands and hot mouth on you. She began her decent down your body. Leaving soft, gentle kisses down your body. Her kisses got sloppier as she reached your naval.

Vanessa looked up at you and smirked as she began to unbutton your pants teasingly slow. As she finally unbuttoned your jeans, Vanessa began to tug downwards on the waistline - a clear sign for you to help her by lifting your hips. The anticipation was almost maddening.

She pulled off your jeans painfully slow, obviously teasing you. At this point you weren't sure if you could handle much more teasing.

Finally your jeans were off and discarded somewhere, God knows where, in the room. She leaned back in, continuing where she had left off, just below your naval. Slowly and teasingly she lowered her way down. Both of her hands found each one of your thighs, parting them a bit wider than before.

Vanessa began to leave light kisses all over your thighs and inner thighs. You were becoming restless at this point as you spoke up, "Please, Vanessa."

You were desperate for her to relieve the ache and tension between your thighs. "Please what?" She asked, although she already knew the answer she wanted to hear you say it.

"Touch me please," you begged her. You should've been embarrassed of how needy you were, but all you could focus on is how much you needed her.

"But I am touching you?" She teased, smirking slightly. But she gave in as soon as she glanced at your face.

Vanessa slowly rubbed your clit through the fabric of your underwear. You let out a sigh of relief at the sudden pleasure. She could immediately feel how wet you were, even though there was a barrier between her thumb and your heat.

Leaning down she took the waistline of your panties between her teeth she looked you directly in your eyes she pulled it down. It honestly was the hottest thing you had ever witnessed. She pulled it the rest of the way down with her hands and tossed it behind her, not giving a care where it would end up. All of her attention right now was on you.

She didn’t waste any time as she began kissing your inner thighs as she made her way closer and closer to where you had desired her most. You squirmed, waiting for something, anything to happen. As she reached your center she tested the waters by licking your clit softly. You gasped at the contact.

She had began slowly, licking you but as soon as she heard just what those gentle touches could do to you, it fueled her. She applied more pressure with her tongue, which drove you insane. Your hands made its way to her hair which you now gripped.

Testing the waters once more, she began to suck on your clit which brought out an explicit moan out of your lips.

She began to eat you out like you were her last meal. You were shocked by how good she was at.

Vanessa brought her middle finger up to you entrance as she slowly pushed it in, still paying attention to your bundle of nerves. She slowly trusted her finger in you, once in a while curling it in a ‘come-hither’ motion.

After a while she pushed in her ring finger as well, it took you a second to adjust to the stretch of her fingers but once you did your senses were overwhelmed with pleasure.

“Fuck,” you moaned out. That fueled her even farther as she sped up her movements. You were already embarrassing close to coming - but in your position who wouldn’t?

Your moans became closer and closer together, Vanessa knew exactly what that meant. She kept her movements at the same pace and her fingers kept brushing and curling against the spot the made you see stars. You were sure that the neighbors would make a noise complaint due to your noises.

Your back arched as the coil in you abdomen snapped, your orgasm hitting you like a truck. You panted as Vanessa worked you through your high as your legs shaked softly. She stopped her movements and removed her fingers.

You took a moment to recover as you looked up at her. “God, you’re amazing.” You said looking at her with your eyes half-lidded. She let out a soft laugh.

Now all you could think of was returning the favor and how hard you were falling for the blonde.

#vanessa shelly #vanessa shelly x reader #vanessa shelly smut #vanessa afton #vanessa afton x reader #vanessa fnaf #fnaf vanessa #fnaf x you #fnaf x reader #fnaf movie #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fanfiction #fanfic #elizabeth lail #wlw

[hedgehog-moss]

Update on May 1st protests and how the french goverment handled them?

^ The May 1st protests were pretty violent esp. in Paris; two cops were set on fire (they're ok, one has 2nd degree burns), lots of destruction in city streets, and hundreds of injured protesters. The French gov is sticking to its M.O. of denying any police violence against protesters, emphasising protesters' violence and portraying it as mindless anti-democratic savagery rather than the result of their own anti-democratic policies.

There were more people protesting in the streets on Monday than at any other May Day protest in the past 20 years (by a large margin—7 to 10x more people than usual.) And the numbers are still impressive in terms of this current social movement—there were about 1.2 million people at the first protest against the pension reform in January, 900K at one of the February protests, around 1.1M on March 7 and I think 1.2M on March 23rd... We're in May and there were 800K people in the streets on Monday (using the police's probably low estimate). The first marches earlier this year were peaceful; people started destroying shit in March after the 49.3 (=the gov not letting elected representatives vote on the reform); in the following weeks we saw a brutal escalation of police violence + suppression of just about any means of non-violent protest, which results in more violence.

The vast majority of protesters are still peaceful, but in terms of providing context for the increased violence, well—people protested peacefully, peaceful protests got banned. People banged pots and pans, pots and pans got banned and confiscated. People started a petition on the National Assembly website which got a record number of signatures, the petition was closed before its deadline and ignored. MPs asked (twice!) for a national referendum on the reform to be held, their requests were denied. Electricity unionists cut power in buildings Macron was visiting, now he travels around with a portable generator. Unions tried to distribute whistles and red cards (penalty cards) to football supporters before the French Cup finale last week, so the ones who wanted could use them if Macron showed up (he ended up hiding and greeting the footballers indoors rather than publicly on the stadium lawn); the police prefecture tried banning union members from gathering outside the stadium to distribute these items (although the ban was struck down by the judiciary as it was illegal, like most bans these days...)

Confiscating saucepans was already so absurd it felt like a gratuitous fuck you, but now they're trying to prevent the distribution of pieces of red paper. Cancelling petitions that would have had no real impact anyway. Prosecuting people for insulting Macron. Arbitrarily arresting hundreds of nonviolent protesters to intimidate them out of protesting (guess who's left then?). The French gov is systematically repressing democratic or nonviolent means of making your opinion heard, and when people get more violent they're like "This is unacceptable, don't these terrorists know there are other means of expressing dissent??" Where? This week a 77-year-old man was summoned to the police station and will be forced to take a "citizenship course" for having a banner outside his house that read "Macron fuck you" (Macron on t'emmerde). Note that he would have been arrested (like the woman who was arrested at her home and spent a night in police custody for calling Macron "garbage" on Facebook) but they decided not to only because of his age.

So that's where we're at; on Monday two cops caught on fire (well, their fireproof suit did) after protesters threw a Molotov cocktail at them. (The street medic who tried to help them with their burns ended up getting shot by a cop's riot gun a few seconds later—with French police no good deed goes unpunished!) The media talked a lot more about this incident than about the fact that the cop who got most severely injured on that day (broken vertebrae) was injured by an explosive grenade that a colleague of his meant to throw at protesters (you can see it at the end of the video below). If police with all their protective gear get so badly injured by their own weapons, no wonder the worst injuries have been on the protesters' side. (nearly 600 injured protesters on May 1st, 120 severely, according to street medics.) I'm not including images of these incidents in the video but on May 1st a protester had his hand mutilated by a police grenade + a 17 year old girl was hit in the eye by a grenade fragment, may end up losing it (during the Yellow Vests protests, Macron's first attempt at repressing a social movement, 38 protesters lost an eye or a hand).

What you see in the video: cops charging the front of a march to tear a banner off people's hands then retreating and drowning the street in tear gas when protesters throw paint bombs at them (protesters have umbrellas because of police drones); at 0:30, a journalist saying "They're not even arresting him, just kicking him when he's down—they kicked him right in the face!" then police spraying with tear gas protesters who try to fend them off; at 0:46 when a protester being arrested asks a journalist if he's filming and starts reading out loud a cop's ID number, another cop shoves the journalist and throws him to the ground; at 0:54, an Irish journalist runs away from the police tear gas grenades that you hear going off, at 01:08, the incident mentioned above when a cop drops a grenade he tried to throw, which explodes in his group, breaking another cop's vertebrae. There's a lot more I'm not including, like how CNN said "there's so much tear gas in Paris, our foreign correspondent can barely breathe", how another journalist was hit by a sting-ball grenade (he was also bludgeoned on the head so hard it broke his helmet—even though cops know the people wearing helmets are journalists...), and yet another journalist who was calling out a cop for aiming at people's heads with his riot gun (which is illegal) ended up having the guy aim the riot gun at his head from 2 metres away (getting shot with this "less lethal weapon" from that distance would be lethal.)

All of these videos are from May 1st (most of them from this account monitoring police violence.)

So yeah, nonviolent protests followed by violent police repression and bans of nonviolent means of protesting result in more violent protests. The French government responds by a) pikachu surpris, b) condemning violent protesters and praising violent police to the skies, c) continuing to ban everything they can think of. Confiscating saucepans didn't work but confiscating pieces of red paper will do the trick! Let's prosecute people for bashing or burning an effigy of Macron, because banning symbolic violence always works to prevent actual violence! And this week after the May 1st protests we learnt that the gov is thinking of making street barricades illegal, because that'll definitely solve everything. It's going to be interesting for history teachers to teach students about the 1789 revolution that allowed us to take down an absolutist regime and become a republic, under a government that banned barricades because they see them as terrorist anti-republican structures.

^ Statue symbolising the French Republic (on Place de la République in Paris) dressed with a 'Macron resign' shirt by protesters on May 1st.

#ask #frpol #left-wing MPs this week asked to hold a debate in the Assembly about the repression of this social movement #the Minister of the Interior (in charge of police) didn't come but sent his delegate instead #the delegate refused to admit to any problem with law enforcement and at some point walked out as a MP was asking a question #this happened 1 day after the UN Human Rights Council condemned the French gov's violent & racist law enforcement #god there's so much infuriating shit happening every single day

[horreurscopes]

So, I could be out-of-bounds here since I think you meant it as dark humor, but what did you mean in the tags of that 'israel-hamas war' post? I suspect you(and op) are criticizing that framing because Israel is obviously demolishing much more than 'Hamas'(and probably doing a terrible job of actually targeting terrorists- they seem content to reduce Gaza to rubble even if the brass of Hamas escapes). I'm guessing that by saying "joining the Israel-Hamas war on the side of Hamas" you mean, if they're going to conflate Palestinians with Hamas unilaterally, then you're saying, whatever the media wants to call Palestinian civilians- you still support them. I am asking anyways though bc, given reports of increasing antisemitic activity in the US and Europe, I am worried about the potential for blurring lines between the cause of Palestinian civilians and the alt-right individuals who are likely masking their antisemitism in the context of being anti-Zionist. Although Israel's government has been the source of Palestinian loss for decades, (it seems to me that) even joking about supporting terrorism is enough to reinforce the persuasion that Israeli/Palestinian Jews and Palestinian Arabs must be mutually-exclusive peoples. I don't think it's fully rational per se(tho I'm not claiming to have all the relevant information myself, and I'm white US American goyim so like- grain of salt-), but I think that existential fear is the incredible hurdle facing Zionist Jews. (Idc too much about the opinions of non-Jewish Zionists bc I don't grant that they are dealing with the same emotional complications at this time, although that doesn't stop me from arguing w my acquaintances abt their callous acceptance of US/Israeli propaganda.) I just think..... isn't it overall harmful to allow anti-semitic rhetoric, even used sarcastically, to enter the genuine humanist cause for Palestinian liberation? Or, have I misunderstood, and you actually are not in opposition to Hamas, or something else I didn't think of?

hi! thank you for approaching the question thoughtfully and with curiosity, i really appreciate it. i was being kind of flippant with that meme, but this is the only ask i'm going to reply to on the matter given that i am neither jewish nor arab, so i'm going to answer in earnest:

hamas is a political resistance movement with an armed wing, much like the black panthers party was, and like the bpp, a large part of the organization is dedicated to social welfare and civic restoration.

they have stated that they are not against judaism, but against the zionist project. they openly support political solutions.

labeling hamas a terrorist group is a propaganda tactic used by the united states and israel to justify the horrors of settler colonization.

hamas is palestine, a part of it, even if palestinians like any other demographic on earth, are not a unified, single-minded people. to declare hamas a separate entity falls prey to the imperialist lie that there is an enemy to fight "fairly" within the people they are displacing and exterminating.

am i rejoicing in the deaths of israelis? of course not. killing civilians and taking civilian hostages is a war crime, whether it is committed by the opresor or the oppressed. the israeli government is not its people, and many jews, within israel as well as in the US, are bravely risking their lives to publicly dissent the criminal acts of the israeli government. all loss of human life is a tragedy.

no one should ever be faced with the choice between annihilation and murderous violence after exhausting all other forms of peaceful protest and being massacred like animals.

but why is it that we consider a resistance group formed within a population with a median age of eighteen a terrorist group, and not the IDF, a US-backed military force with an annual budget of twenty billion dollars?

i am currently reading hamas and civil society in gaza by sara roy to learn more about hamas and the history of israel in palestine. i'll remember to post more excerpts which i am admittedly terrible at.

but all of the information above can be found by reading wikipedia. investigating with duckduckgo searches (not gonna pretend google isn't prioritizing propaganda, to be fair), and reading reliable news coverage like aljazeera and the many journalists who are at risk of, or have lost their lives, reporting on the ground.

i have also appreciated reading posts from @determinate-negation @opencommunion @fairuzfan @ibtisams and @bloglikeanegyptian amongst others

in conclusion:

#palestine

[ingravinoveritas]

have you seen the super blurry video of the 4 of them at the Oliver awards?? I what really gets me is Michael stepping into the person behind him.

https://www.instagram.com/stories/davidtennant_daily/3347586970874865569?utm_source=ig_story_item_share&igsh=MWhjbHM4azBiMmt0Zg==

Yes, I have indeed seen the blurry video that's been going around this afternoon. I know some folks were having difficulty seeing it, so I will post it here:

I think probably the first thing I thought was that this video is too short to really draw any full-on conclusions (to quote Buffalo Springfield, "There's something happening here. What it is ain't exactly clear..."), and to wonder where the heck it came from. (It was posted as a story on a fan page on Instagram, but there's no indication of who recorded it or why it was publicized to begin with.)

Beyond that, though, and because we do not have a context for what is happening (although given the folder David is holding, it looks like it was filmed around when the group photo was taken), I am just looking at the things that are most plainly visible. One of which is what you mentioned, with Michael jerking back suddenly into the woman behind him. It's been suggested that Anna touched Michael's arm to guide him to move because the other woman was trying to pass through. When I watched it again, though, it looked more like the order of events was Anna reached for Michael's arm, he visibly pulled back right when she made contact, and then the other woman moved to keep from colliding with him. That is my interpretation, at any rate.

It also looks like a conversation is happening (possibly between Michael and Georgia, with David in the middle), and Michael seems to look somewhat agitated. Georgia, who is on the right of the frame, appears to then slap her hand to get their attention. This very well could be because it was loud, there were a lot of people talking, and it was difficult to hear. Given how close she is standing to David, though, Georgia could have also just put a hand on his arm the way Anna did with Michael, but she didn't, and I'm a bit perplexed as to why. The hand slap actually reminded me of a school headmistress, or something Judge Judy would do, because those are the only two people I think I've ever seen do a gesture like that.

Whatever her reasons, it seemed to work, as David's head snapped up right away. I did notice though that Michael continued talking (perhaps possibly determined to get whatever point he was making across), and it gave me the feeling that he and Georgia were having a bit of a back-and-forth/fighting for David's attention. (I guess that means the answer to the question of, "Can Michael fight?" is "Yes, if David Tennant is involved".) It could also be that AL was trying to sooth him/get him to be more agreeable to whatever Georgia was saying, but it doesn't seem like that really worked.

Again, it's a very short video and without context it's hard to say anything definitive, but that is my interpretation. I'd still like to know where in the world this video even came from, especially because it seems to cut off so suddenly, giving the impression that there was more. Strange days indeed...

#whyblock #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #georgia tennant #olivier awards #curiouser and curiouser #glad to see Michael and David talking though #so many questions #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #anna lundberg #thoughts #discourse

[livlaughloveluke]

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭- 𝐞.𝐥

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: ever since that night on the rooftop, you’ve known

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: a little cursing, brief mention of past toxic relationship, ethan being an absolute sweetheart

𝐚/𝐧- clearing out my drafts rn so im kinda posting a lot! this ones kinda short and sweet, but i think its cute 💗 also, you might want to listen to margaret by lana del rey, it will help this make sense 😭

margaret (feat. bleachers) by lana del rey

02:45 ━━━━●───── 05:40 ⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻

ethan’s heart sunk at the sight of someone on the roof, where he normally he spent his sleepless nights, thinking alone. he cautiously approached the mysterious figure, only to find out that it was a women who looked to be around his age, dressed in a lengthy white dress, with gorgeous shimmery pearls hanging loosely around your neck. 

there was something enchanting about this moonlight. you looked incredible, despite your glossy eyes and runny mascara, which had given away the fact that you had been crying. 

“you okay?” ethan muttered, unsure of what to do or say to the dazzling young girl. you jump, startled by the presence of another person. you wipe away what was left of your mascara, trying to clean up a little.

“yeah..? yeah.” you said, the first word sounding like you were trying to convince yourself, while the second ‘yeah’ sounding more persuasive and firm.

 “wanna talk about it?” the brown eyed boy suggested, unsure where he got his confidence from. something about the stranger on the rooftop made him want to learn more. 

“well, my boyfriend just broke up with me on our 6 month anniversary. he said he was taking me out to celebrate, but ended up dumping me while we were eating, elle woods style.” you shared. 

“he sounds like a real asshole. maybe it was for the best.” ethan stated. 

“i think you’re right. he was kind of an asshole.” the girl giggled in response. 

ethan grinned, taking in her beauty as they stared at each other. 

“well, i shared my story, now what about you? why are you here tonight? your girlfriend dump you?” you jokes, although you remained curious to what he reply was.

“uhm- no, no girlfriend. i like to come out here when i cant sleep. it helps me think.” he answers, taking a deep breath of the crisp, chilly air. he approached the ledge, and sat down, legs hanging off the building. it was scary the first few times, but recently he came to enjoy it. there was something so freeing about the risks of being this high up.

you mirror his actions and sit next to him. you look at the breathtaking view, before realizing there was a much better view right beside you.

you face him to ask a question. 

“how do you know?” 

ethan tilted his head in confusion, your question was to vague for him to answer. you continue talking, giving more context.

“what if he was the love of my life? how do i know?” this time, ethan can answer your question easily.

“that’s your answer, the answer is no. if you have to ask, then he wasn’t your true love. when you know, you’ll know.” 

you just hummed in response. 

“we never properly introduced ourselves. I don’t even know your name.” you inform him.

“we don’t even know each others names, and yet i still feel closer to you than anyone else in my life.” he added, letting out a dry chuckle, trying to hide how pathetic that was.

“i feel the same. you probably know more about my feelings than any of my friends, and we’ve known each other for what, five minutes?” you added. he was relieved that you shared the same emotions as him. 

you stuck out your hand. “my name is y/n.”

ethan got the memo and reached to shake your hand. the contact made butterflies fill his stomach. “my name is ethan.” he replied.

“ethan? i would have never guessed that was your name. don’t get me wrong, i think its lovely, but you look more like a conner to me.” 

ethan laughed at your comment, and swiftly formed a response. “conner? really? i think i look more like an axel.” 

“i could see that i guess, but all i can think about when i hear the name axel is this kid who bullied me in second grade.” you giggle.

“you were bullied by a kid named axel?” he teases. 

“yes!! and every day he would tell the teacher on me for something I didn’t even do!! and worse, the teacher believed him!” you were now full blown laughing, along with ethan who was starting to really enjoy talking to you.

you and him continued chatting a little longer, asking basic questions, but you wanted more. you wanted to know the real ethan.

“im tired of all these simple questions. lets go more in depth. for starters, if you only had one day left to live, would you tell anyone? why or why not?” you ask him. 

“woah. to be honest, i don’t think i would tell anyone until the end of the day, you know? why ruin your last day alive by being constantly pitied, if you could spend it happily with the people you love most?” he announced, and you nodded your head in agreement.

“now i ask you something. if were getting murdered, and got to choose the way you were killed, what would you pick?”

“wow, that took a turn. i would probably choose to get poisoned. its not painful really, and its pretty quick. just don’t poison me with bleach. i hate the smell of it.” you declared. 

this caused you both to start laughing again, to the point where your stomach hurt. after your giggle fest, your exhaustion got the best of you, and you yawned, sleepily. your actions did not go unnoticed by ethan, and he decided to call it a night. he helped walk you home, making sure to keep you safe. 

you talked the whole way home, mainly about your music taste. he was into the alternative indie kinda music, and you bonded over a few artists. then, you reached your dorm. you exchanged numbers, none of you wanting this relationship to end.

for the next week, you texted each other constantly, giving song recommendations, and just learning about one another in general. you figured out you both went to blackmore university, and took a few of the same classes. you were surprised you hadn’t seen him before, but then again, two weeks ago you weren’t looking. 

you were supposed to meet him on the rooftop again tonight. this time however, you wouldn’t be caught sulking in a dress. you changed into a more comfortable, yet gorgeous look.

eleven pm rolled around, and you headed up to the roof. ethan was already waiting for you, a bouquet of tulips in his hands. he handed them to you, and you couldn’t hold your smile back. 

“how’d you know these were my favorite?!” you  questioned him. 

“you’re mentioned it a couple times. i researched the meaning, and it turns out they symbolize growth and new beginnings, which i thought was perfect, because of your recent relationship ending and uh i-“ 

you cut him off with a hug, holding the flowers off to the side, not wanting to crush them. you pull apart so you could face him when talking. 

“they’re beautiful, eth. I can’t believe you put so much effort into them.” you informed him.

your ex boyfriend was a total dickhead, who never really cared. you weren’t sure if he even got you flowers once in your relationship. it was new having someone that cared, and the feeling of being truly loved was definitely not unwelcome. 

you both sat on the edge and started babbling like last time. 

“you know who i’d think you’d like? faye webster. she’s really good, and while she’s well known, she’s definitely underrated.” you blurt out. 

“I’ll listen to her tonight. whats your spotify?” he asks. you share your account and both follow eachother. he starts scrolling through your playlists and reviewing them. 

“taylor swift? really, y/n? i thought you were better than this.” he sarcastically says. you act offended, before retorting back. 

“taylor swift is so good! she’s popular for a reason. maybe you just haven’t heard the right album. i feel like you would like evermore or folklore.” he shakes his head, disapprovingly. he claimed he would never listen to one of her songs. (he spent 2 hours that night listening to the albums you suggested)

eventually, it got late and he started walking you home. out of the blue, he asked you an important question. 

“would you maybe want to go out with me one night? officially?” he managed to stutter out. 

“i’d love to, eth.” you respond. 

you had never really been completely sure of something, but that night you knew one thing. you were in love with ethan landry.

#jack champion #ethan landry smut #ethan landry #ethan landry angst #ethan landry x reader #jack champion x reader #jack champion x y/n #jack champion x actress! reader #liv’s writing !

[bookofmirth]

Can I ask who's side you were on from the Ember bonus chapter? Or are you kind of neutral on it?

Oof this is so complex, anon. This is going to be so long. And I doubt that this conversation will be settled any time soon.

I wouldn't say that I am neutral because I have Thoughts and Feelings, but I think Rhys and Nesta both had good points and did dumb things. I know this post leans in Nesta's favor, but it's not anti anyone. It's more my thoughts about how complex the situation was, and why I think people did the things they did, what was motivating them. Let me explain:

Should Nesta have consulted someone about giving the mask to Bryce, even just to borrow it? Yeah, I think she should have. I knew that she had done that prior to having read the bonus chapter, and in the back of my head I thought it was so... weird for her to have given this important object of power to Bryce without asking for anyone else's opinion? I felt like I was missing some context, like why does Nesta just hold onto these objects all the time and do with them what she wills? Guess my unease was right, because other characters do NOT like how she handles the trove.

The stakes from Nesta being wrong about this were insanely, astronomically high. And "astronomical" isn't even a metaphor in this case, it's literal. She wasn't wrong, but that is a huge, gigantic, ridiculous risk to have taken. Everyone in acotar knows that the Daglan/Asteri are the beings who oppressed them thousands of years ago, and now they have proof in Bryce's arrival that the Daglan are still up to their old tricks. For the Daglan to then have these objects of immense power, potentially?? OOF. And Nesta is newer to the fae world, she may not fully grasp the gravity of the situation, so she probably wasn't working with complete understanding of the implications.

I mentioned that the group chat has been ACTIVE on this topic, and @areyoudreaminof (I think it was Kelsey, if not correct me) said that perhaps Nesta was thinking that by doing this, she could help humans in some way. Maybe not the humans she grew up with, but somewhere, Nesta thought, maybe she could do something good for other people who are effectively powerless. So I understand why Nesta did it. This was also after she had spent a bunch of time with Bryce, they learned about each other's worlds, and I think they had attained a sort of understanding.

Also side note, but people didn't trust Nesta with Made objects in acosf either and that was condescending as fuck - maybe she didn't want to be just as shitty to Bryce as everyone had been towards her. I get why people don't trust them with these objects, but in a way it comes down to underestimating them and not understanding their intentions.

Was Rhys right to have lost his mind about the mask going to another world? Absolutely. The Night Court is his responsibility, which means that everything that happens there ultimately falls to him. His fears about the Daglan invading again have been real since he saw Aelin falling through the sky. He's been thinking about these very real threats for a while. Merrill is researching other worlds and although this hasn't been confirmed, I feel like she was brought there for that reason? To give him answers? Whether or not that's true, Rhys is the High Lord and the fact that some of the most powerful objects in their possession were off galavanting in another world without his knowledge, in a way that could literally lead to the destruction of their world - Rhys being understanding and nice about it in this situation would be totally unrealistic.

Rhys has also Been Through It in terms of war, court politics, fae bullshit. He has a much better grasp of what the consequences could be if Made objects get into the wrong hands. His fears aren't hypothetical, they are very real.

HOWEVER - was Rhys right to have treated Nesta the way that he did? Absolutely fucking not. I am honestly so sick of him being a dick to Nesta just because of shit she's done to other people. Not to him. It was so hard to read descriptions of Nesta's body language when they came back into the scene, after their fight. "Nesta's shoulders tensing, her head bowing". For Nesta to have been so thoroughly chastised by someone who already has a history of treating her like shit, it made me so mad. For Nesta, who has gone through so much growth and made so many strides to not hate herself, to regain confidence and better awareness of herself, to have been made to feel small - it makes me so, so mad honestly.

The thing is, we don't actually know the content of their argument, what Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel said to Nesta. All we have gotten thus far is the aftermath. Maybe Rhys tried to be tactful and then Nesta pushed his buttons, as she's done in the past. All we know is how Nesta acts afterwards, which doesn't make me feel charitable in terms of how Rhys handled it.

I think - and again I'll need to read more of the context of this fight which I assume we will see in acotar5 - but I think that one of the main reasons Rhys was pissed off and reacted the way he did was because of his ego (and fear, even if it's justifiable). He's so used to calling all the shots, to having everything under control, that I think he's not used to anyone else having power on the same level as him. Power in this sense refers to authority, the ability for other people to make these kinds of decisions without consulting him. He's used to being the Big Man in Charge and Nesta is clearly a threat to that. This is all my headcanon/assumptions about how he's feeling, but... I'd be surprised if I'm off the mark, based on his past behaviors and the way he makes executive decisions without consulting the IC, who ostensibly exist in order to support him.

Basically, I think that Nesta was on shaky ground in letting Bryce borrow the mask even though it did turn out okay in the end, but Rhys was wrong for acting out the way that he did.

This is only somewhat related to your actual question, but I think that this is one of the scenes that we will see in acotar5, made possible by having Azriel's POV, him as the main character.

#hofas spoilers #spoilers #house of flame and shadow #house of flame and shadow spoilers #ask #anon #rhysand #nesta #acotar #acotar/cc #crossover stuff #hofas bonus chapter

[justporo]

A Night of Song and Laughter (Final Part)

Would you look at that - I actually finished faster than I thought I would (certainly not a thing that would be admirable in all contexts, but anyway)

In this final part, Astarion have a nice (and rather) long heart-to-heart by playing a game of question for question - while they are butt naked in their bed. Do with that info what you will.

This part is probably all over the place and very rambly, but I wanted to end with something sweet. So please enjoy and thank you all for staying with me through this story!

Song choice (especially for the very end): T=0 - Tall Ships

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

(Gif from here!)

The sun was well up in the sky by now – so thank the Gods for the thick brocade curtains you had placed on every one of the tall windows.

You were laying on the gigantic bed – butt naked still and all your limbs spread out. Astarion mimicked you next to you although he was missing a few things to match you: the glistening sheen of sweat on his skin for example or the full body flush. Also, he wasn’t breathing as heavily as you were.

“Holy hells”, you whispered silently between deep gasps for air. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to move a single muscle tomorrow. I don’t think I can now.” Astarion chuckled beside you and rolled on his side to watch you struggle. “Love, if you are truly already giving up, we really need to work on your stamina. I was merely starting to enjoy myself”, the elf said while leaning his head on his propped up arm and pursed his lips. You only moved your eyes to give him a look saying “you got to be kidding me” and then a really hearty yawn overcame you. You felt so pleasingly exhausted in a way that could only be caused by a night full of events that had been uncalled for and lots of really deeply satisfying sex.

“Well, then, if another go is out of the question how about we kill the rest of the wine, I might even settle for some talking or cuddling if that’s all you are able to for now.”

You flopped around to get closer to him until you were on your side, mirroring his languid pose. “Both!”, you demanded. So Astarion chuckled wordlessly and pulled you closer until you were laying in his arms. Then he leaned back just a little to allow you to actually snuggle up to his chest which you gratefully did. And then to really lock in the deal you stretched one of your slender legs to swing it over and tangle it with his.

“Gods, look how adorable we are – I might start to retch right on the spot”, Astarion said and made a face as if he were disgusted by what was happening. “You’re enjoying this”, you retorted and grabbed his face to give him a big smooch. He scrunched up his nose afterwards: “Debatable.” But you could hear the grin in his voice.

You laid there for several minutes – not talking, just in comfortable and companionable silence and held each other. You were just resting your eyes when Astarion shifted to grab the goblet of wine from next to the bed and asked: “So, what do you want to talk about, sweetheart?” He took a big swig from the wine and looked down at you askingly. You took the goblet from his hand and drank to gain a few more moments – because frankly, the night had left you empty and your mind was just blank, only filled with content buzzing.

“Talking also out for the night, love? My, my, haven’t I worked you a little too hard, hm?”, Astarion cheerfully chimed and laughed. You wanted to whack him but your hand was just so… tired. “Well then, how about… I ask you, say, five questions and you ask me five in return.” “So like I would cast ‘Speak to the Dead’ on you”, you threw in with a sly grin earning you a truly unamused stare from the vampire. “What?”, you said when he kept throwing you a death glare, finally regaining some of your wits. “I’m dead serious”, you said with another grin. “I hate you.” “No, you don’t.” You stared at each other in silence. “Can’t argue with that impeccable logic, I guess.” More silence. “Alright, like what questions were you thinking?”, you finally said to put Astarion out of his misery.

“I don’t know, could be anything, really. Something you always wanted to know about me, what I think is your most annoying habit or what my favourite colour is or what the meaning of life might be. Although” – and here he took the chalice with wine from your hand which you had forgotten you were still holding – “if you were to ask the last one we’d might need several more bottles of wine, some good few hours and also I might wanted to throw myself down a bridge afterwards.” He laughed with just a tinge of hysteria in it and took another sip of wine as if to demonstrate that he’d need it. “Please, don’t ask me what the meaning of life is”, he pleaded and made you laugh.

“So, what’s your favourite colour?”, you asked. Astarion pursed his lips at you: “That’s your actual first question?” “Yes… although I could probably guess it already.” “Can you now?” “It’s red, isn’t it?” Astarion’s mouth straightened into a line: “You are really spoiling it like this.”

“I’m really exhausted, I’m sorry, love”, you replied and leaned in to kiss him. “Better you go first – answering will be easier I feel like and then I’ll probably can roll better with it. But first -”, you said and lifted your hand to silence the vampire that had already opened his mouth to start asking “is red really your favourite colour? Because I actually need to know now.” Astarion’s face softened: “Yes, it is.” “Bit cliché for a vampire, don’t you think?” “It has always been red, love, even before I became a vampire.” That shut you right up – moments when Astarion offered up details from his life before he was turned were indeed very rare.

“Alright, my turn then!”, Astarion answered playfully and took a swig of the remaining wine than put the goblet down and started to oddly fidget. Was he – nervous?

You sat up a little because you were suddenly convinced that he wouldn’t just ask about your favourite kind of cheese or what the name of your childhood pet was. “I’ve been wondering, for some time now, actually, when – you know – I confessed to you that I had certain feelings towards you… You pretty much immediately – how do I put this – made clear that the feelings were mutual. Soo, naturally I was wondering when it was, that you had the realisation that you were… catching feelings for me?”

The way he had rambled out the question, kept fidgeting his hands and just the sincere and even kind of soft, even though not shy, tone in his voice made your heart immediately melt and evaporate completely. You reached out your hand and cupped his cheek, your thumb softly caressing his face. “So, your question is when I realised I was head over heels and I knew there could never be anybody else?”, you offered warmly and grinned at him openly. That had Astarion regain his usual cockiness. He smirked at you and looked at you through his lashes: “Well, if you want to put it like that…”

You rolled onto your back and started to remember how it had been like. It came quickly and easily – this was an easy question to answer and you were more than happy to enlighten him.

“To be honest – I at least had a huge crush on you from the very beginning – well, almost: the whole threatening me with a knife was not a turn-on.” Astarion made a disappointed ‘aww’ but kept listening. When you threw him a sideways glance you saw that he was hanging on your lips. “You were so charming and honestly the flattery, even though I figured that it must be idle chit-chat… What can I say, it worked on me. Maybe because I was desperate – and scared. Maybe, probably, because I never experienced something like this. I didn’t exactly grow up in circumstances where men – or women for that matter – would come and court me. And I never had someone, like” – you helplessly flailed your hand at Astarion – “you give me more than a simple onceover.” From the corner of your eye you could see how Astarion’s demeanour changed, but now you had to keep talking or you throat might close up.

“But when it really hit me, was after the first night we spent together. Not because of the sex – although that had also been the best I’d ever had up to that point, but because I woke up and saw you standing there, bathing in the sun light. And I saw your scars. And when I asked you about them you opened up the door to let me in, just the tiniest bit. That’s when I realised there was so much more to you then just the armour of sarcasm and flirtatious behaviour and violent urges. And I just wanted to…” – your eyes felt dangerously wet – “I just wanted for you to let me in, so I could get to know you and comfort you and stop what hurt you.”

You took a deep breath in after finishing and realised you had given quite the speech. You looked at Astarion while you felt a single treacherous tear ran over your cheek. He looked at you with a range of emotions swirling in his ruby eyes – love, admiration, even shock. He reached out to softly swipe away the tear from your face.

“I…”, he started but immediately broke off again. He took a few moments, then tried again, while carefully holding your face: “I wanted to say that I don’t know what to say, but that’s not true. Rather that there’s too much to put into words.” His thumb over your cheek, making sure there were no more tears coming.

After a small cough to clear up his throat, Astarion continued: “I’ll settle for this: I love you – deeply – and in a way I never thought I could love anything and I don’t know what I could’ve possibly done to deserve this or you but I hope that I can live up to it some day.”

Never mind his sweet, soft touches, but your tears kept coming, happy tears though. Never would you have hoped that Astarion could come this far in so little time and be so open and sincere with you. But here he was.

You sniffled and started to rub the streams of tears off your face with your hands when Astarion pulled you in and kissed you deeply until you had calmed down again.

“So”, you sniffled again “do you want to ask your other four questions and rip my damn heart out while you’re at it or are we finally done for the night?”

Astarion kept holding you for a moment longer than let go of you to just get enough space between you to be able to look at you better. He reached out again though to softly ruffle your hair. “Actually, it’s your turn, sweetheart, so do your worst, I assume?”, he said a bit hesitantly. “We don’t have to keep going, if you’d rather not.” “No, I want to keep going, but first I think it’s only fair that you tell me as well – since you made me cry and all”, you assured him and give him a small pout.

“You mean, when I first realised that I was falling for you?” You nodded. Astarion smiled at you and turned so he laid on his back, looking at the ceiling while he spoke. Talking about his real genuine feelings was still something that was hard for him – but you appreciated a lot that he tried.

“Do you remember when I came onto you that evening at camp and asked you to come to my bed again?” “Of course, I remember, I tried so desperately to be cool about it.” To that Astarion looked at you and grinned broadly: “Yet you so desperately weren’t.” Damn this man! You sluggishly swung to punch at his smirking face but Astarion easily caught your hand and held on to it, starting to play with and look at your fingers. “I still knew you were full of shit when you threw all your cheesy practiced lines at me.” “Still worked, didn’t it? And I was actually having so much fun with our little back and forth. Up until the end when I said these three little words.”

Astarion kept playing with your fingers but threw you a glance: “Because afterwards I realised that there might’ve been more truth in it than I thought and that I might’ve gotten in it over my head. And that scared me.” You squeezed his hand back reassuringly. And he threw you a loving glance before he grabbed your fingers and bit into them. “Now, your turn, my love”, he said as if nothing had happened while you yelped at him. “Ouw, what the hells was that for?” “Revenge?”, he answered and lifted his hand on which you could still the bitemarks you’d left there, “Assert dominance that I’m the one biting in this relationship?” You looked at him as if he had lost his mind. He shrugged and gave your fingers a kiss, then rolled back on his side to face you. “I’m waiting for a question, love.” “Impulsive much?” “That’s a question you can answer yourself, darling.”

Alright, he wanted a question and there was actually one thing you had wanted to know -  as well – for quite some time. A stupid little thing that had kept nagging you.

“Okay, I also have a thing that I wanted to know for some time. But it’s stupid really – such an unimportant little detail tha…” “Just ask the question, love.”

You took in a deep breath: “Well, I know you love me and I know you must be enjoying what we have, I mean, physically also – at least I’m ninety-five percent sure that you are. But I was asking myself if the first time we slept together… was it bad – for you?” For the last part you couldn’t take to hold his gaze.

Astarion seemed positively outraged. “My heart – first of all, why would you even think that I’m not enjoying myself with you?” “Well, as I said I’m mostly…” “Apparently five percent say you think differently. Why?” His voice was actually angry and as you looked at him his brows were deeply furrowed. You hesitated to answer but finally gave up with a sigh: “It’s just… You have so much more experience and I don’t have that and maybe I was worrying that you might get bored or something… or that it wasn’t enough.” “Excuse me, but did I look bored to you when you completely obliterated me like an hour ago?”

Astarion’s voice was rising while dramatically gesticulating. His genuine rage at you seemingly not believing that he was having as much fun in the sheets with you as the other way around and just the way he made a dramatic scene about it finally brought back your giggles.

“Well, I don’t know you can be a convincing actor?” “Are you accusing me, that I’ve been faking it? Because: how would that even work anatomically for men?”, Astarion almost shouted while his voice jumped up several octaves.

That broke you: you broke down laughing while the vampire kept fuming. „My love, I am positive you would have noticed, had I been faking a climax, hence there would have been… missing evidence, so to speak… Also, what we have is different - I would have told you had it not been enjoyable.“

“No okay, I’m sorry, I was messing with you for the last part”, you blushed and laughed. Astarion was not calmed down though. “I’ll show you right now how much I am enjoying myself with you if that’s what it takes”, he said through gritted teeth. You snuggled up closely against your vampire again: “No, point made, Astarion, I believe you. Now answer my damn question.”

Astarion sighed defeatedly but wrapped his arms around you again. “I also enjoyed the very first night we ever spent together. I might have not noticed it back then but it was different with you from the beginning – despite the shameful ulterior motives I had back then. So, there you go.” You hummed contentedly, then lifted your head a little to look up into his eyes: “Has someone ever faked it being with you?” That had definitely been the wrong thing to say to calm Astarion down. His eyebrow twitched in annoyed manner and he pursed his lips at you. “Not to my knowledge”, he said slowly. You cackled a bit at his wounded ego. But he recovered quickly – after all he had so much of it.

“So can we get past this topic and move on?”, he asked dryly. “So, that’s your second question?”, you replied. “I’m going to throw you of a cliff, you insolent little thing.” “Don’t make promises you can’t keep”, you kept teasing which made Astarion roll away from you and bury his face in his hands. You giggled hysterically until you had calmed down after a few moments.

“Okay, listen, I’m done and I’m sorry – this night was just too long and too much.”

“I know it was”, Astarion replied while lifting his hands off his face while still laying on his back. “So, if I may, I have my second question for you.” He looked at you and went on when you nodded in approval.

“What do you think is the most stupid thing you’ve ever done?” “Hm, not taking in anything that happened in the last months I assume?” Astarion hummed in agreement.

“Well, when I was a kid on the streets I met a group of other homeless children – all boys. And I was desperate to join their group because I really needed some company and some safety, but they wouldn’t let me because I was a girl.” “How cruel”, Astarion commented with a tinge of sadness in his voice. “I told them I would do anything to let me join so they dared me to jump off of on of these very tall towers at the Gray Harbour – and I did.” Thinking of this particular memory filled you with sorrow – so you rolled onto your back also and stared off into the distance. Astarion’s mouth had opened in shock and his eyes had filled with sadness at your confession. “How old were you?”, he asked softly. “Like nine.” „Gods“, he whispered.

But you didn’t want to dwell on hurtful memories. You spent a few moments thinking about your next question and then decided to sit up in the bed to start changing the mood.

“My turn again”, you exclaimed. “Hit me”, Astarion replied. “What’s a useless skill that you have and love?”

At that the vampire’s eyebrows shot up. “So much for a sudden change in mood”, he said but you could see he was grateful  to turn to more light-hearted matters. “Do you have a coin by any chance?” “A coin?”, you repeated in a confused manner.

Astarion was already up and walking over to where he had put his clothes over a chair earlier in the night. “Yes, I thought a demonstration would answer this question far better than just words”, he said while rummaging through his pant pockets.

“Aha”, he exclaimed as he produced a single gold coin and came back over to the bed – not without winking at you playfully. “You’re not going to do a magic trick, are you?” “Please, my name isn’t Gale”, the elf sneered as he sat back down on the bed, on your site now, where you had taken a cross-legged position and were curiously awaiting your partner’s hidden talent.

“Ready?”, Astarion asked with an enticing tone. You nodded and looked intently at him to go ahead. Then the vampire flicked the coin into the air with his thumb – quite high – and let it land perfectly on the back of his hand where he let it wander quickly and smoothly over the knuckles of his fingers. Back and forth and forth and back, then he flicked it up again and caught it between his index and middle finger with a soft “tada”.

You were in awe. “No way, you can do that? That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to be able to too”, you happily praised him and applauded him. “Then let me show you how it’s done”, Astarion cheerfully offered after a small gracious bow.

You spent quite some time then trying to mirror the vampire’s nonchalant moves while he kept explaining and demonstrating how to do the trick. But it seemed you didn’t have a knack for that particular little skill. “You make it look so easy”, you pouted at him at what must’ve been your hundredth try at letting the coin wander over the back of your hand instead of it simply sliding off. “I had two hundred years to perfect it, love. You’ll get there eventually”, Astarion replied and gave you a quick peck. He was being nice and gracious but somehow you had difficulty imagining that he had been just as bad as you in the beginning.

“Alright, I like this idea, so I got my next question for you. Besides this little feat, what would be a skill you would like to pick up, my love?”, Astarion said and fully climbed on the bed again, placing his back against the headboard and then pulling you onto his lap.

“Oh, that’s easy! I’d really like to play an instrument”, you immediately answered. The elf nodded approvingly at you while he held you: “Do you have a specific one in mind?” “Hmm – I guess the lute although I really can’t picture myself sitting down trying to learn it.” “I think, that would be very endearing actually.” You smiled at him. “Maybe”, he continued and cupped your cheek “if you also took up singing, you could my little nightingale.” That made you chuckle but you simply leaned into his touch and closed your eyes a little.

“You are not dozing off on me, are you?” You jolted upwards again: “No! I’m here and it’s my turn!” You had slouched tremendously and were almost laying down in his arms. You thought for a while.

“Hmm, I have another one but it might be quite the mood change again.” “Just ask, love.”

And so you did: “I know you have openly talked about having women and men before in your bed, but I was asking myself – was that of your own volition or…” You didn’t finish the question but knowing Astarion would catch your meaning nonetheless. “I’ve had men and women, yes, or sometimes people that wouldn’t categorise themselves as either.” He shrugged while you carefully listened. “But that was at least my choice and wasn’t something forced onto me against my nature.” “So – if you don’t care about gender what is it that makes you attracted to people?” Astarion cocked his head and looked at you with these sharp red eyes: “Certain people are just beautiful and enticing to me – because they’re just physically attractive to me, because of how proudly they hold their head, because of how smart and witty they are, because of how caring and kind they are. And yes, before you ask: I am talking about you, my love. Because of that and many more possible things.” You felt yourself blush at his confession and his compliments and also felt gratefulness for how openly he talked about himself.

“Does that… bother you? That I’m… pretty open when it comes to attraction?”, Astarion asked a bit hesitantly, his ruby eyes never leaving yours. You immediately and forcefully shook your head: “No, not at all! I was just curious to know how it is for you.”  You leaned into him more and hugged him tightly. “I love how you are such an open-minded person in general. In fact, it’s one of your most admirable qualities, I’d never want that to change.”

“Thank you”, he whispered in answer to that silently and held on to you in comfortable silence.

“Speaking of which”, he said after several heartbeats “is there something you would actually like to change about me? The obvious thing with the vampirism aside, I mean.”

You kept hugging him while you answered: “Your scars. I’d love to take them off your body. Just make you forget they ever existed.” You softly let your hands wander onto his back, immediately finding the ridges of the atrocity Cazador had forced upon him. Your fingertips wander over them, the thought of the pain it must have caused Astarion, both physically and mentally, almost made you tear up again.

You heard Astarion let out a deep breath while he mirrored your touches and rubbed small circles on your back. “I don’t even know what to say to that really other than: I fear they are just part of me now but at least Cazador’s dead now and I won’t have to fear ending up being a token for a prize exchange anymore.”

You lifted your head up. “So, nothing left to fear anymore, right?”, you said in a half-hearted attempt to not let the mood sink again. But Astarion barked a desperate short laugh at that. “If it only were that easy, darling, but I fear as it stands I have more to fear than before.” You throw him a confused look while his hands kept caressing your back gently.

“Well, now I actually have something to lose”, he said and leaned his forehead to yours. When the meaning settled in your heart dropped but filled with warmth simultaneously. “Somebody could hurt you or take you away from me, you could become sick – or you could simply decide you don’t want to be with me anymore.” Your eyes widened while his glazed over with the last sentence. You moved to cup his face with both hands: “The other stuff maybe – but I’ll always be with you. I’ll always want to be with you! Don’t say shit like that, Astarion. I love you so much, you can’t imagine!” You softly shook his face to get some sense into the man. You started smothering him with kisses while repeating over and over what you had said. And you didn’t stop until the vampire was laughing again and his eyes had filled with warmth.

“Tell me then”, he said while holding your hand that was still cradling his face. “Last question: how much do you love me?”

Your mind started racing trying to find ways to put it into words. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes for a moment to just feel. Feel how your love for Astarion filled you, heart, body and soul, until there was nothing else.

“I love you so much, I would give up everything for you, if only it meant I could still be with you. I would burn this whole world down if it meant, I could keep you safe. I would walk with you to the end of the universe if it was what you needed to be happy. And if I ever where to leave this earthly world behind, I believe my soul would find you again – and again and again – because I’m half and only ever whole with you.”

You stare into his widening red eyes, trying to convey to him if only with a fraction how deeply you feel for him. To show him that he’s at the very core of your own being. And that he is the only truth.

And as Astarion was taking it in, he held you, still not completely understanding – but he had forever then, to figure it out, didn’t he?

And so he kissed you and pulled you close to him as you both softly leaned down onto the sheets. The bed under you feeling threateningly soft. But you kept kissing him and touching him until you finally slid into your dreams – and hoped for another night tomorrow to hopefully do it all over again.

----- The End

Tags: @daedriclys @angelofthorr @starved-kitten

Note: Are you still here? Then let me thank you again for staying with me through this story. I enjoyed writing every moment of it and I loved it even more for all the support and love I got for it - even though I wouldn't have imagined it. This all might sound very dramatic but it's been quite some time since I've last felt truly inspired to create something and that means a lot to me. This is also the longest piece of fiction I've written (to date). But enough rambling, just: thanks!

And I'll hope I'll see you again in another story!

#astarion #astarion x tav #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #astarion x reader #astarion x mc #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x oc #astarion x you #fanfic #fanfiction #astarion ancunin #bg3 spoilers #a night of song and laughter #the end

[rongzhi]

Probably a stupid question but how many different ways are there to say "fuck" in Chinese?

There's really just one main way to say "fuck" as both the verb and the exclamation : cào. There a multiple characters, though, because it's more polite to use homophones.

肏 —the original cào, the verb. It composed of the components 入 ("to enter") and 肉 ("flesh"/"meat"). "入肉" also means "to fuck". I guess you could say this is the vulgar form of the word.

操/槽/草/曹 — popular stand-in homophones, basically used for the exclamation and more polite to use.

我操/我曹/卧槽/我艹/喔草/etc - wǒ cào — "fuck!"/"fuck me!"/"what the fuck!"; this is another way to say "fuck" (exclamation only, not the verb) in different scenarios. Although it's written with homophones, I wouldn't say that it's equivalent to "frick" or "fudge" or a similar polite form because there's an even tamer version of it, "我去"/wǒ qù, which is basically like "shoot!" and "dang!".

靠/我靠/靠北 - kào/wǒ kào/kào běi — same as above basically. This is more popular in Taiwan. 我靠 is also a bit more tame, like "shoot!", I think.

Other ways to say fuck mostly have to do with the verb which I feel like is not what you're asking so I won't go into it.

I'll just give a special mention to:

干 — gàn — "to do". This is just funny to me personally because depending on the context it also means "to kill". It amuses me whenever I'm watching a show or movie where someone goes "I'm gonna kill you" and they use 干/干死 (or 弄 / 整, other ways to say "to do" which also mean "to fuck" and "to kill" depending on context).

I guess there are also other curse words that have approximately the same meaning as "fuck!"— 他妈的 ("motherfucker!"), for example—but you didn't ask about those :P

#chineselangblr #text #answered ask #language ask

[itsnothingofinterest]

So here’s a thought: in the latest chapter; Kudo’s transfer causes Deku and Tomura to relive and mix memories of first meetings with/opening up to future friends. Considering how Kudo was the one who met with and reached out to Yoichi; do you suppose it’s possible we could see the rest of the transfers bring forth memories thematically relevant to the sacrificed OFA user? And if so, can we guess what these memories could be?

Hmm, it might be tough given how most of the OFA vestiges are...not the most fleshed out characters MHA's ever produced, but I’d like to take a crack at it.

~En: memories of Danger & survival We’ll be going in the order I roughly think Deku will shoot the vestiges over, even if that means starting with some especially basic ones. (I'll also be avoiding memories they were both there for since they'd be uninteresting.) For the case of En, the most fearful of the group; that'll be a simple set of times these two were each in danger.

For Deku; that could mean facing Machia or Redestro, although I'd also love him to see some visions of heroes like Endeavor or Star & Stripe coming for his life as well. If he wants Tomura's perspective, he should get his perspective on heroes trying to kill him. And there's quite a few to pick for Tomura to see from Deku; the Zero-Point robot, Muscular, Muscular again, Lady Nagant, ...maybe Gentle?

~Bruce: memories of loss & what comes after To keep things simple still, both of these are two moments (+ surrounding context) they each saw an ally die to a villain. The same villain: Overhaul.

Deku would get to see Overhaul kill Magne right in front of the League. Tomura would see him kill Sir Nighteye in front of his interns. Then as I theorized previously, we could get too see one or both of them experience the blended memory of beating fused Overhaul into the ground and taking his arms for great justice & greater revenge.

~Nana: memories of family & allies (Also, since the effect should be pretty strong by now, and also because it's interesting, let's suppose they may start actually experiencing memories now instead of just playing them in the background.)

For Deku; Perfect as it may seem, it's a bit early to see the Shimuras, so this might instead mean seeing some lower stakes memories with the League. Maybe their training with Machia, maybe some early recruitment moments if that doesn't step on Kudo's thematically relevant memories. Really just check out @codenamesazanka's post here for some great ideas; with special mention going to Tomura sympathizing with Bakugou because he was chained up at the sports festival. I'd love for Deku to see Tomura directing his humanity to League members like Twice, but humanity directed towards Bakugou would be a great foot in Deku's door. (Which of course means the best thing for Deku to see each such kinds of Tomura's humanity, for Deku to compare.)

For Tomura; Oh there's a plethora of choices for Class 1A hangout moments he could see. Although to be honest...I've not been the most invested in these moments, so I can't say which'd be most impactful for Tomura to see. I'm a villain fan, what can you expect?Although if I had to guess, knowing this series and whose memories we're talking about, it'll be something focused on Bakugou. Call it a hunch.

(Though it'd be nice if we did get to see Inko again instead. And I'd laugh if this was how we got to see Deku's dad at long last.)

~Banjo: memories of…okay kind of struggling here since there’s not much to Banjo. Honestly think he might get stolen instead since his quirk's such a lifeline & Tomura could probably steel more than one quirk by the end of this. But if he does get launched; maybe he could cause…memories of friendship? Or of high emotions?

For Deku; that might mean seeing memories of the League working together, maybe in Daika. Or speaking of Daika, maybe it could be Shigaraki’s city destroying awakening. Or maybe the time the League got ambushed & restrained in their bar and Tomura yelled at All Might just how much he hates him.

For Tomura; there are also quite a few of Deku’s memories that could qualify here. Maybe the fight with Muscular, maybe his 2nd fight with Bakugou, or maybe it could fittingly be the time Uraraka and Shinsou saved him from Banjo’s own quirk.

~All Might/Toshinori: memories of (not) being rescued.

For Deku; I think this would go as I described in this post: a mixed memory of him rescuing Bakugou from the sludge villain combined with Tenko wandering the street; resulting in desperately trying to pull Bakugou out from the sludge for hours or days while people pass him in the street, until he finally drags sludge!Bakugou to the bridge to encounter AFO. If he wants Tomura's perspective and see what drove him to villainy, this one's a big part of that.

For Shigaraki, this would be a far simpler memory; but an impactful one too I think. The meeting with All Might where Deku was told he can be a hero. How Tomura would respond to those words, I can’t be sure. Maybe it’d be as meaningful to him as it was to Deku. Perhaps he’ll dismiss the words as just an old dream he doesn’t care for any more, or acknowledge their meaninglessness coming from someone else’s memory. Or if I’m so lucky; maybe he’ll even think back on all the members of the League & other criminals looking to him to make the world they feel safe in and say to All Might “what do you think I’ve been doing?” (Probably not but I think it’d be cool. A guy can hope.)

~Yoichi: memories of their origin.

For Deku; this would obviously be seeing the crying Tenko crying outside of his house because he was abused by his family. Maybe also the events earlier in that day seen in ch.235 too. This would lead to Deku attempting the thing quite a few readers see as the natural conclusion to this memory sharing; Deku reaching a hand out to save the crying child…and it won’t work. I mean duh; this is a memory. He can’t talk to or do anything for the past version of Tenko; all he can do is learn, all he can do is watch the deaths of the Shimuras transpire and hope he gets something out of it that’s worth losing all of OFA.

Although, if I may propose one interesting twist in this: I’ve been theorizing for a while now that AFO could’ve taken the Shimura family’s quirks and hidden them & their vestiges in Tomura. This wouldn’t be my favourite way to bring that up (I’d rather they first meet with Tomura instead); but suppose that allows Deku to talk to the Shimuras as he lives through Tenko’s last day with his family? Could at least be neat.

And for Tomura; I can’t think of a more appropriate Origin-y chapter than chapter 1 page 1: Izuku getting bullied by Bakugou. Maybe they’ll also both be in the same place (we did suppose Deku would meet the crying child above after all), and Tenko could take the place of the kid young Izuku was protecting. I could see Tomura being quite moved by the image…before scoffing. Deku, his self-claimed ‘hero’ who’s been getting in his way and attacking his mind this whole time? Protecting him? And from Bakugou of all people, or anyone else Deku saw as a hero? Lol. Lmao even! Maybe if it was AFO; afraid Bakugou prevented something so convenient from happening though. But as far as Tomura's seen; Deku will save him from anyone & anything except the heroes who mean him harm. A bit like his mom & grandparents with Kotaro. But then maybe he could see Bakugou actually attack Deku, like really beating him up, and it could cause him to wonder…why? Why would Deku then forgive him? Rescue him? Work along side someone who’d treat him like that?

I don’t think any basic-arse heroic symbolism that hasn’t even reflected Tomura’s reality so far would really change his viewpoints or anything. But that question might nudge them. Might introduce the idea that the worst, most powerful people with no big incentive to change, can do so anyway. So maybe, just maybe, Tomura doesn't need to kill them and wash their influence clear as the only way forward for his villainous ilk.

#bnha #bnha 414 #bnha 415 #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #midoriya izuku #katsuki bakugou #dabi #magne #twice #jin bubaigawara #uraraka ochako #paranormal liberation front #PLF #league of villains #lov #class 1a #kotaro shimura #all might #one for all #(I know its weird to make a theory post for a chapter when leaks have technically already started #but please ignore that; I've been drafting this up for a bit and didn't want to waste it.)

[che-bur-ashka]

who holds the mask? designing the Disguise

For the record, all of the playbooks in Beneath Pirate Flags are trans. Gay ass trans ass pirates. I mean, they don’t have to be — the magic of character creation means that you could make anyone, even (!!) a cis person, if your imagination can handle that. But they’re all more or less about being trans, or about types of trans people I know, anyway. Maybe none of them is as trans as the Disguise, though.

I don’t mean that, of course. The Disguise isn’t “more trans” than any of the others in any way that matters. What I mean is that the Disguise is maybe the most “obviously” trans, the most “typically” trans. The Disguise deals with a narrative that people see and go oh, oh, I know this—that one’s about being trans.

The Disguise is a pirate “on the run from at least two things,” inspired by tales of putting on a (you guessed it) disguise and escaping to adventure. There’s a lot of Jim from Our Flag Means Death in there, of course, as well as a good amount of Eowyn and not a small percentage of Alanna of Trebond. The Disguise is playing in a lot of tropes that make people conscious of the play of genders—which, for complicated reasons, reads as “more” trans than, say, The Hunk, The Dandy, or The Legend (even though all three of those are, to me, far more fundamentally drawn from my own trans experience).

One of the big things I wanted to do with the Disguise though, was offer more nuanced understanding of the work masks and disguises can do than we usually get in these types of stories. In the most traditional—the most recognizable—version of this narrative the Disguise is a cis woman who, frustrated not so much with her gender as with institutional sexism, takes on a mask in order to “play” as a man and trespass in the wider world (the historical erasure of transmasculine people into the cis feminist figure of “the woman in pants” looms large here). In this narrative, there comes a point where—as in Mulan, Eowyn, Alanna—she is unmasked but accepted as, to borrow a term from Tamora Pierce  “a woman who rides.” 

Here’s the thing: That’s a valid arrangement of what’s in the Disguise. There’s no reason the Disguise couldn’t be used to tell this kind of story—but I think there’s a more interesting version of this character out there, probably most clearly expressed (in popular media, anyway) by Jim Jimenez in Our Flag Means Death who, critically, does not return to their assigned gender after removing the “mask.” After all, there’s no reason to think that the mask must be something taken on (as opposed to, say, assigned). Rather, I like to think about the Disguise as playing across a border—dealing in multiple frames and knowledges, and trying to make space for themself between them. One day—if all goes well—they won't need the mask anymore. The playbook could equally viably tell the story of:

A cis woman under patriarchy, “playing a man” so she can run away and be a sailor (like Eowyn does).

A trans person, “playing” their assigned gender as they work to find out who they are really (like... most if not all trans people do, at one point or another).

A trans person, “playing” their true gender (or at least a new gender) as they build a new understanding of themself in a new context (this is the reading I think is closest to what happens with Jim, fwiw).

A person whose disguise has nothing to do with their gender at all—maybe they’re a prince in hiding, or they're pretending to be a prince in hiding, or there's something else.

There’s also no reason that the playbook couldn’t combine these stories—or even reach for new ones that haven’t occurred to me. The possibilities are endless. The core of the Disguise is not about secrets and falsehoods (although secrets and falsehoods certainly play their part), but rather performance and autonomy over your own presentation. The mask is a tool to control that presentation.

This brings us to the saddest part of the playbook—the ending.

Every playbook in Beneath Pirate Flags has three prewritten endings (although you’re naturally welcome to come up with your own). Each set of three has two happy endings and one sad one— sometimes bittersweet, sometimes tragic, and sometimes just bad. For the Disguise, that sorrow is all about the loss of control. The worst thing that could possibly happen—the most upsetting ending, which I want players to be aware of even if they aren’t interested in it—is not just the removal of the mask, but the removal of the mask without the Disguise’s permission or control. The world longs to control our presentations and, by doing so, control our lives. There is magic in a mask, and in the autonomy it provides—but there are people who want to rip both of those away. They want to hurt you, to control you, and to make you hurt yourself. That’s what we’re fighting against. Anyway, there you have it. Go hug a trans person—and check out Beneath Pirate Flags.

#beneath pirate flags #our flag means death #ofmd #jim jimenez #eowyn #alanna of trebond #trans #indie rpg #indie ttrpg #ttrpg design #gay pirates

[suppose-i-was-worm]

Iceberg Siren pt 4

The first thing Danny did after Jason stepped aside to let him in was point at Jason’s chest.

“Eeeeey, chest scar buddies!”

Jason looked down at his scars, and then back up again at Danny, whose eyes had traveled farther down, noticing the slowly bleeding wound on Jason’s side.

“Oh! Damn, that’s gotta sting. Do you want some help with that?”

Which is how Jason found himself in the bathroom with Danny chattering away on his knees in front of him, in a vastly different context with how Jason would prefer Danny on his knees.

Bad brain.

“And really, you can’t keep running around with that corrupted ectoplasm in you- it’s stunting your growth! Should I pull it out?”

Jason looked down, straight into Danny’s wide, hopeful eyes. Taken by a sudden fit of brain fog, he shrugged, despite the fact that the other man was stitching his side closed.

“Sure, I guess?”

Danny smiled, big and brilliant, before tying off the last of the stitches.

“Great! Let me-” he hopped up, guiding Jason down to sit on the edge of the tub. “This shouldn’t hurt much, but fair warning, I’ve never done this before.”

Jason nodded dumbly as Danny pulled off his bloody gloves and discarded them before lifting one of Jason’s wrists to his face.

He couldn’t help the goosebumps that prickled his skin as he felt Danny’s warm breath ghost across his pulse point, nor could he help jumping as Danny sunk his teeth into that self-same pulse point.

Something in him kept him from yanking his arm away, something hungry and longing for freedom.

Danny pulled away after a few moments, wiping something dark from his lips with the back of the hand not holding Jason’s arm. Jason was pretty shocked to notice the blue eyes that endeared him so much were, for a few seconds, a toxic Lazarus green.

And then the blue was back and Danny was sticking out his tongue with a grimace.

“That was rank, Red. You should find a better source.”

Jason felt dizzy, and in his last moments of clarity, watched Danny’s face morph into one of panic before the darkness overtook him.

~~~

Danny fluttered nervously around Red Hood as the man groaned awake- he’d managed to catch him as he slumped forward and carry the man to the couch, but other than that, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do.

Red wasn’t dead, at least, not completely. It was like he started forming a core and just stopped halfway through. Probably due to the corruption in the ectoplasm that helped him form a core.

“What hit me?”

Danny chuckled thinly and helped Hood sit up.

“Uh, me? Technically? I didn’t realize you needed an extra boost of clean ecto when I took out the bad stuff, but congratulations, you’re now a- whatever the hell I am, I guess. There was never a consensus on the naming.”

The other man looked at him sharply.

“I don’t have the meta gene.”

“No, no, it’s not about being a meta, I just picked up the term when I got here. I don’t think you’ll have powers quite as extensive as mine, your introduction to ectoplasm was a lot different, but we’ll have to see.”

He was trying very hard not to word-vomit, but Hood looking at him with those pretty cobalt eyes and that sharp-jawed face just made his brain buzz like thousands of spectral bees.

“Aliens?”

“No, although I’d love to meet one! More like-” Danny paused, parsing through his own words before he said them. “Glorified lab accidents? Or, not really, in your case, but essentially.”

He realized that didn’t really sound better, but it seemed to make sense to Hood, who sat brooding on the couch. Was he supposed to call him Jason now, since they’d met out of masks?

Without thinking about it, he chirped an inquiring noise to get the other man’s attention.

“Please don’t tell me we’re part cricket.”

Danny laughed, less nervous since Jason was apparently joking around with him now.

“No, just prone to vocalizations. Can I call you Jason?”

“Sure, Cricket.”

~~~

Clockwork smiled as the last few pieces to his plan fell in to place- Princess Danielle was starting on a new adventure, and their young King had finally found a reason to live after the torture inflicted upon him by his parents.

All of the Infinite Realms had noted that the king was unhappy, trapped in the land of the dead with no haunt or home- several of them had come to Clockwork, and together they had devised a plan.

A dimension familiar enough for Phantom to slip in unnoticed, but removed enough to not need his particular brand of heroism.

A dimension that was doomed without intervention from someone far more powerful than their eyes had ever seen.

Danny might not notice, but his very presence was protection for this dimension, sating his Obsession without endangering what was left of his life- Clockwork had to work hard to find this place. A place with enough factors leading toward the emergence of a strong and confident King, not held back by the sins of his genetic donors.

Clockwork would call himself Danny’s parent before he would refer to the Fentons as such.

~~~

Dick knew this was the place. Well, he knew it was the Iceberg Lounge, that was a no-brainer, but he also knew that this is where Jason’s mystery friend worked.

They hadn’t managed to figure out what the target did here, but Robbie Malone was about to find out.

He strode in, all quiet confidence, nodding at the bouncers as he made his way to the VIP lounge. The Malone family had a table near the balcony, with perfect sightlines to the door and the stage below. Stephanie was already there, dressed to the nines.

“Cousin! I didn’t know you were coming!” Dick leaned down to kiss Steph on both cheeks, as dictated the Malone family cover.

“The next act is supposed to be on soon- I hear the singer is divine.”

Sitting down elegantly, Dick signaled a waiter for a drink, and then turned to look down on the stage. A willowy blond woman was finishing her song and bowing to the crowd. There was a polite round of applause- until the young woman left and the next singer appeared.

The applause was thunderous throughout the lounge. The young man on the stage held up a hand, and the applause stopped instantly.

He chuckled with a deep voice, and leaned close to the mic.

“You all like my dress that much?”

Dick would admit it was a lovely dress, a dark blue flapper style dress with an unusual plunging neckline.

Stephanie kicked him under the table, tilting her head down towards the singer. Ah, so he was the target.

The music started, and moments later the singing did, too. A smooth baritone voice, crooning out a song. Deciding to listen to the lyrics instead of chat with Steph, he was quite shocked at the contents of the song.

It was a beautiful song, but it spoke of heartbreak and betrayal, longing and fear.

It made Dick sad for the person who wrote it. By the end, the club had long gone silent, entranced by the song. Some patrons were surreptitiously wiping their eyes on their napkins.

Dick turned back to Steph, who was watching the singer with sharp eyes.

“Cousin?”

Steph glanced up at him, none of her cover’s light in her eyes.

“He’s got bad scars on his chest. You can see them under his dress when he leans forward from this angle.”

He looked, and sure enough, there was the tell-tale puckering of skin, right underneath the line of the dress. It would take a trained eye to notice it, but Dick and Steph were nothing but trained eyes.

Danny Nightingale, Singer at the Iceberg Lounge, was more than he seemed.

~~~

Damian noticed that Jason had a bandage on his wrist first. Of course he was first to notice, he was the only blood son.

“What incompetence caused that, Todd?”

Jason, instead of getting angry, just looked down at his wrist and shrugged.

“Vampire cricket.”

“I beg your pardon?”

He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it. Todd tended to be quick to anger, and being questioned would probably set him off. Much to Damian’s surprise, however, Todd’s eyes lit up with mischief.

“Then beg, Demon Brat.”

Damian would have attacked Todd if Father hadn’t swept by in that moment, handing him a file.

“Robin. Arsenal has brought a new member to the Titans. I expect you to zeta to the Tower and meet her as soon as you have finished reading her file.”

He opened his mouth to protest, and then thought better of it. Flipping open the file, he caught a glimpse of a young girl with dark hair and blue eyes, smiling cheerily at the photographer.

Phantom Unknown Civilian Alias. Claims to come from a place called the ‘Infinite Realms’- contact John Constantine or Justice League Dark for more information. Powers include Density Manipulation, Flight, Invisibility, and Construct Creation (green). She says she is looking for her brother, but will not disclose a name. Met Green Arrow on a roof in Star City, volunteered to be a superhero upon meeting Arsenal. Denied DNA sample.

#dp x dc #dp x dc fanfic #danny phantom #dp x batman #arctic siren au #dead on main #jason todd #dani fenton #damian wayne #dick grayson

[sleeplesslionheart]

The Haunting of Bly Manor as Allegory: Self-Sacrifice, Grief, and Queer Representation

As always, I am extremely late with my fandom infatuations—this time, I’m about three years late getting smitten with Dani and Jamie from The Haunting of Bly Manor.

Because of my lateness, I’ll confess from the start that I’m largely unfamiliar with the fandom’s output: whether fanfiction, interpretations, analyses, discourse, what have you. I’ve dabbled around a bit, but haven’t seen anything near the extent of the discussions that may or may not have happened in the wake of the show’s release, so I apologize if I’m re-treading already well-trod ground or otherwise making observations that’ve already been made. Even so, I’m completely stuck on Dani/Jamie right now and have some thoughts that I want to compose and work through.

This analysis concerns the show’s concluding episode in particular, so please be aware that it contains heavy, detailed spoilers for the ending, as well as the show in its entirety. Additionally, as a major trigger warning: this essay contains explicit references to suicide and suicidal ideation, so please tread cautiously. (These are triggers for me, and I did, in fact, manage to trigger myself while writing this—but this was also very therapeutic to write, so those triggering moments wound up also being some healing opportunities for me. But definitely take care of yourself while reading this, okay?).

After finishing Bly and necessarily being destroyed by the ending, staying up until 2:00 a.m. crying, re-watching scenes on Youtube, so on and so forth, I came away from the show (as others have before me) feeling like its ending functioned fairly well as an allegory for loving and being in a romantic partnership with someone who suffers from severe mental illness, grief, and trauma.

Without going too deeply into my own personal backstory, I want to provide some opening context, which I think will help to show why this interpretation matters to me and how I’m making sense of it.

Like many of Bly’s characters, I’ve experienced catastrophic grief and loss in my own life. A few years ago, my brother died in some horrific circumstances (which you can probably guess at if you read between the lines here), leaving me traumatized and with severe problems with my mental health. When it happened, I was engaged to a man (it was back when I thought I was straight (lol), so I’ve also found Dani’s comphet backstory to be incredibly relatable…but more on this later) who quickly tired of my grieving. Just a few months after my brother’s death, my then-fiancé started saying things like “I wish you’d just go back to normal, the way you were” and “I’ve gotten back on-track and am just waiting for you to get back on-track with me,” apparently without any understanding that my old “normal” was completely gone and was never coming back. He saw my panic attacks as threatening and unreasonable, often resorting to yelling at me to stop instead of trying to comfort me. He complained that he felt like I hadn’t reciprocated the care that he’d provided me in the immediate aftermath of my brother’s loss, and that he needed me to set aside my grief (and “heal from it”) so that he could be the center of my attention. Although this was not the sole cause, all of it laid the groundwork for our eventual breakup. It was as though my trauma and mourning had ruined the innocent happiness of his own life, and he didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Given this, I was powerfully struck by the ways that Jamie handles Dani’s trauma: accepting and supporting her, never shaming her or diminishing her pain.

Early in the show—in their first true interaction with one another, in fact—Jamie finds Dani in the throes of a panic attack. She responds to this with no judgment; instead, she validates Dani’s experiences. To put Dani at ease, she first jokes about her own “endless well of deep, inconsolable tears,” before then offering more serious words of encouragement about how well Dani is dealing with the circumstances at Bly. Later, when Dani confesses to seeing apparitions of Peter and Edmund, Jamie doesn’t pathologize this, doubt it, or demean it, but accepts it with a sincere question about whether Dani’s ex-fiancé is with them at that moment—followed by another effort to comfort Dani with some joking (this time, a light-hearted threat at Edmund to back off) and more affirmations of Dani’s strength in the face of it all.

All of this isn’t to say, however, that Dani’s grief-driven behaviors don’t also hurt Jamie (or, more generally, that grieving folks don’t also do things that hurt their loved ones). When Dani recoils from their first kiss because of another guilt-inspired vision of Eddie, Jamie is clearly hurt and disappointed; still, Jamie doesn’t hold this against Dani, as she instead tries to take responsibility for it herself. A week later, though, Jamie strongly indicates that she needed that time to be alone in the aftermath and that she is wary that Dani’s pattern of withdrawing from her every time they start to get closer will continue to happen. Nonetheless, it’s important to note that this contributes to Dani’s recognition that she’s been allowing her guilt about Eddie’s death to become all-consuming, preventing her from acting on her own desires to be with Jamie. That recognition, in turn, leads Dani to decide to move through her grief and beyond her guilt. Once she’s alone later in the evening after that first kiss, Dani casts Eddie’s glasses into the bonfire’s lingering embers; she faces off with his specter for a final time, and after burning away his shadow, her visions of him finally cease. When she and Jamie reunite during their 6:00 a.m. terrible coffee visit, Dani acknowledges that the way that she and Jamie left things was “wrong,” and she actively tries to take steps to “do something right” by inviting Jamie out for a drink at the village pub…which, of course, just so happens to be right below Jamie’s flat. (Victoria Pedretti’s expressions in that scene are so good).

Before we continue, though, let’s pause here a moment to consider some crucial factors in all of this. First, there is a significant difference between “moving through one’s grief” and simply discarding it…or being pressured by someone else to discard it. Second, there is also a significant difference between “moving through one’s grief” and allowing one’s grief to become all-consuming. Keep these distinctions in mind as we go on.

Ultimately, the resolution of the show’s core supernatural conflict involves Dani inviting Viola’s ghost to inhabit her, which Viola accepts. This frees the other spirits who have been caught in Bly Manor’s “gravity well,” even as it dooms Dani to eventually be overtaken by Viola and her rage. Jamie, however, offers to stay with Dani while she waits for this “beast in the jungle” to claim her. The show’s final episode shows the two of them going on to forge a life together, opening a flower shop in a cute town in Vermont, enjoying years of domestic bliss, and later getting married (in what capacities they can—more on this soon), all while remaining acutely aware of the inevitability of Dani’s demise.

The allegorical potentials of this concluding narrative scenario are fairly flexible. It is possible, for instance, to interpret Dani’s “beast in the jungle” as chronic (and/or terminal) illness—in particular, there’re some harrowing readings that we could do in relation to degenerative neurological diseases associated with aging (e.g. dementia, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, progressive supranuclear palsy, etc.), especially if we put the final episode into conversation with the show’s earlier subplot about the death of Owen’s mother, its recurring themes of memory loss as a form of death (or, even, as something worse than death), and Jamie’s resonant remarks that she would rather be “put out of her misery” than let herself be “worn away a little bit every day.” For the purposes of this analysis, though, I’m primarily concerned with interpreting Viola’s lurking presence in Dani’s psyche as a stand-in for severe grief, trauma, and mental illness. …Because, even as we may “move through” grief and trauma, and even as we may work to heal from them, they never just go away completely—they’re always lurking around, waiting to resurface. (In fact, the final minutes of the last episode feature a conversation between older Jamie and Flora about contending with this inevitable recurrence of grief). Therapy can give us tools to negotiate and live with them, of course; but that doesn’t mean that they’re not still present in our lives. The tools that therapy provides are meant to help us manage those inevitable resurfacings in healthy ways. But they are not meant to return us to some pre-grief or pre-trauma state of “normality” or to make them magically dissipate into the ether, never to return. And, even with plenty of therapy and with healthy coping mechanisms, we can still experience significant mental health issues in the wake of catastrophic grief, loss, and trauma; therapy doesn’t totally preclude that possibility.

In light of my own experiences with personal tragedy, crumbling mental health, and the dissolution of a romantic partnership with someone who couldn’t accept the presence of grief in my life, I was immediately enamored with the ways that Jamie approaches the enduring aftereffects of Dani’s trauma during the show’s final episode. Jamie never once pressures Dani to just be “normal.” She never once issues any judgment about what Dani is experiencing. At those times when Dani’s grief and trauma do resurface—when the beast in the jungle catches up with her—Jamie is there to console her, often with the strategies that have always worked in their relationship: gentle, playful ribbing and words of affirmation. There are instances in which Dani doesn’t emote joyfulness during events that we might otherwise expect her to—consider, for instance, how somber Dani appears in the proposal scene, in contrast to Jamie’s smiles and laughter. (In the year after my brother’s death, my ex-fiancé and his family would observe that I seemed gloomy in situations that they thought should be fun and exciting. “Then why aren’t you smiling?” they’d ask, even when I tried to assure them that I was having a good time, but just couldn’t completely feel that or express it in the ways that I might’ve in the past). Dani even comments on an inability to feel that is all too reminiscent of the blunting of emotions that can happen in the wake of acute trauma: “It’s like I see you in front of me and I feel you touching me, and every day we’re living our lives, and I’m aware of that. But it’s like I don’t feel it all the way.” But throughout all of this (and in contrast to my own experiences with my ex), Jamie attempts to ground Dani without ever invalidating what she’s experiencing. When Dani tells her that she can’t feel, Jamie assures her, “If you can’t feel anything, then I’ll feel everything for the both of us.”

A few days after I finished the show for the first time, I gushed to a friend about how taken I was with the whole thing. Jamie was just so…not what I had experienced in my own life. I loved witnessing a representation of such a supportive and understanding partner, especially within the context of a sapphic romance. After breaking up with my own ex-fiancé, I’ve since come to terms with my sexuality and am still processing through the roles that compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia have played in my life; so Dani and Jamie’s relationship has been incredibly meaningful for me to see for so, so many reasons.

“I’m glad you found the show so relatable,” my friend told me. “But,” she cautioned, “don’t lose sight of what Dani does in that relationship.” Then, she pointed out something that I hadn’t considered at all. Although Jamie may model the possibilities of a supportive partnership, Dani’s tragic death espouses a very different and very troubling perspective: the poisonous belief that I’m inevitably going to hurt my partner with my grief and trauma, so I need to leave them before I can inflict that harm on them.

Indeed, this is a deeply engrained belief that I hold about myself. While I harbor a great deal of anger at my ex-fiancé for how he treated me, there’s also still a part of me that sincerely believes that I nearly ruined his and his family’s lives by bringing such immense devastation and darkness into it. On my bad days (which are many), I have strong convictions about this in relation to my future romantic prospects as well. How could anyone ever want to be with me? I wonder. And even if someone eventually does try to be with me, all I’ll do is ruin her life with all my trauma and sadness. I shouldn’t even want to be with anyone, because I don’t want to hurt someone else. I don’t want someone else to deal with what I’ve had to deal with. I even think about this, too, with my friends. Since my brother’s death and my breakup, I’ve gone through even more trauma, pain, grief, and loss, such that now I continue to struggle enormously with issues like anhedonia, emotional fragility, and social anxiety. I worry, consequently, that I’m just a burden on my friends. That I’m too hard to be around. That being around me, with all of my pain and perpetual misfortune, just causes my friends pain, too. That they’re better off not having to deal with me at all. I could spare them all, I think, by just letting them go, by not bothering them anymore.

I suspect that this is why I didn’t notice any issues with Dani’s behavior at the end of Bly Manor at first. Well…that and the fact that the reality of the show’s conclusion is immensely triggering for me. Probably, my attention just kind of slid past the truth of it in favor of indulging in the catharsis of a sad gay romance.

But after my friend observed this issue, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I realized, then, that I hadn’t extended the allegory out to its necessary conclusion…which is that Dani has, in effect, committed suicide in order to—or so she believes, at least—protect Jamie from her. This is the case regardless of whether we keep Viola’s ghost in the mix as an actual, tangible, existing threat within the show’s diegesis or as a figurative symbol of the ways that other forces can “haunt” us to the point of our own self-destruction. If the former, then Dani’s suicide (or the more gentle and elusive description that I’ve seen: her act of “giving herself to the lake”) is to prevent Viola’s ghost from ever harming Jamie. But if the latter, if we continue doing the work of allegorical readings, then it’s possible to interpret Bly’s conclusion as the tragedy of Dani ultimately succumbing to her mental illness and suicidal ideation.

The problems with this allegory’s import really start cropping up, however, when we consider the ways that the show valorizes Dani’s actions as an expression of ultimate, self-sacrificing love—a valorization that Bly accomplishes, in particular, through its sustained contrasting of love and possession.

The Implications of Idealizing Self-Sacrifice as True Love

During a pivotal conversation in one of the show’s early episodes, Dani and Jamie discuss the “wrong kind of love” that existed between Rebecca Jessel and Peter Quint. Jamie remarks on how she “understands why so many people mix up love and possession,” thereby characterizing Rebecca and Peter’s romance as a matter of possession—as well as hinting, perhaps, that Jamie herself has had experiences with this in her own past. After considering for a moment, Dani agrees: “People do, don’t they? Mix up love and possession. […] I don’t think that should be possible. I mean, they’re opposites, really, love and ownership.” We can already tell from this scene that Dani and Jamie are, themselves, heading towards a burgeoning romance—and that this contrast between love and possession (and their self-awareness of it) is going to become a defining feature of that romance.

Indeed, the show takes great pains to emphasize the genuine love that exists between Dani and Jamie against the damaging drive for possession enacted by characters like Peter (who consistently manipulates Rebecca and kills her to keep her ghost with him) and Viola (who has killed numerous people and trapped their souls at Bly over the centuries in a long since forgotten effort to reclaim her life with her husband and daughter from Perdita, her murderously jealous sister). These contrasts take multiple forms and emerge from multiple angles, all to establish that Dani and Jamie’s love is uniquely safe, caring, healing, mutually supportive, and built on a foundation of prevailing concern for the other’s wellbeing. Some of these contrasts are subtle and understated. Consider, for instance, how Hannah observes that Rebecca looks like she hasn’t slept in days because of the turmoil of her entanglements with Peter, whereas Jamie’s narration describes how Dani gets the best sleep of her life during the first night that she and Jamie spend together. Note, too, the editing work in Episode 6 that fades in and out between the memories of the destructive ramifications of Henry and Charlotte’s affair and the scenes of tender progression in Dani and Jamie’s romance. Other contrasts, though, are far more overt. Of course, one of the most blatant examples (and most pertinent to this analysis) is the very fact that the ghosts of Viola, Peter, and Rebecca are striving to reclaim the people they love and the lives that they’ve lost by literally possessing the bodies and existences of the living.

The role of consent is an important factor in these ghostly possessions and serves as a further contrast with Dani and Jamie’s relationship. Peter and Rebecca frequently possess Miles and Flora without their consent—at times, even, when the children explicitly tell them to stop or, at the very least, to provide them with warnings beforehand. While inhabiting the children, Peter and Rebecca go on to harm them and put them at risk (e.g. Peter smokes cigarettes while in Miles’s body; Rebecca leaves Flora alone and unconscious on the grounds outside the manor) and to commit acts of violence against others (e.g. Peter pushes Hannah into the well, killing her; Peter and Rebecca together attack Dani and restrain her). The “It’s you, it’s me, it’s us,” conceit—with which living people can invite Bly’s ghosts to possess them, the mechanism by which Dani breaks the curse of Bly’s gravity well—is a case of dubious consent at best and abusive, violent control at worst. (“I didn’t agree,” Rebecca says after Peter leaves her body, releasing his “invited” possession of her at the very moment that the lake’s waters start to fill her lungs).

Against these selfish possessions and wrong kinds of love, Jamie and Dani’s love is defined by their selfless refusal to possess one another. A key characteristic of their courtship involves them expressing vulnerability in ways that invite the other to make their own decisions about whether to accept and how to proceed (or not proceed). As we discussed earlier, Dani and Jamie’s first kiss happens after Dani opens up about her guilt surrounding her ex-fiancé’s death. Pausing that kiss, Jamie checks, “You sure?” and only continues after Dani answers with a spoken yes. (Let’s also take this moment to appreciate Amelia Eve’s excellent, whispered “Thank fuck,” that isn’t included in Netflix’s subtitles). Even so, Dani frantically breaks away from her just moments later. But Jamie accepts this and doesn’t push Dani to continue, believing, in fact, that Dani has withdrawn precisely because Jamie has pushed too much already. A week later, Dani takes the initiative to advance their budding romance by inviting Jamie out for a drink—which Jamie accepts by, instead, taking Dani to see her blooming moonflowers that very evening. There, in her own moment of vulnerability, Jamie shares her heart-wrenching and tumultuous backstory with Dani in order to “skip to the end” and spare Dani the effort of getting to know her. By openly sharing these difficult details about herself, Jamie evidently intends to provide Dani with information that would help her decide for herself whether she wants to continue their relationship or not.

Their shared refusal to possess reaches its ultimate culmination in that moment, all those years later, when Dani discovers just how close she’s come to strangling Jamie—and then leaves their home to travel all the way back to Bly and drown herself in the lake because she could “not risk her most important thing, her most important person.” Upon waking to find that Dani has left, Jamie immediately sets off to follow her back to Bly. And in an absolutely heartbreaking, beautiful scene, we see Jamie attempting the “you, me, us,” invitation, desperate for Dani to possess her, for Dani to take Jamie with her. (Y’all, I know I’m critiquing this scene right now, but I also fuckin’ love it, okay? Ugh. The sight of Jamie screaming into the water and helplessly grasping for Dani is gonna stay with me forever. brb while I go cry about it again). Dani, of course, refuses this plea. Because “Dani wouldn’t. Dani would never.” Further emphasizing the nobility of Dani’s actions, Jamie’s narration also reveals that Dani’s self-sacrificial death has not only spared Jamie alone, but has also enabled Dani to take the place of the Lady of the Lake and thereby ensure that no one else can be taken and possessed by Viola’s gravity well ever again.

And so we have the show’s ennoblement of Dani’s magnanimous self-sacrifice. By inviting Viola to possess her, drowning herself to keep from harming Jamie, and then refusing to possess Jamie or anyone else, Dani has effectively saved everyone: the children, the restive souls that have been trapped at Bly, anyone else who may ever come to Bly in the future, and the woman she loves most. Dani has also, then, broken the perpetuation of Bly’s cycles of possession and trauma with her selfless expression of love for Jamie.

The unfortunate effect of all of this is that, quite without meaning to (I think? I hope—), The Haunting of Bly Manor ends up stumbling headlong into a validation of suicide as a selfless act of true love, as a force of protection and salvation.

So, before we proceed, I just want to take this moment to say—definitively, emphatically, as someone who has survived and experienced firsthand the ineffably catastrophic consequences of suicide—that suicide is nothing remotely resembling a selfless “refusal to possess” or an act of love. I’m not going to harp extensively on this, though, because I’d rather not trigger myself for a second time (so far, lol) while writing this essay. Just take my fuckin’ word for it. And before anybody tries to hit me with some excuse like “But Squall, it isn’t that the show is valorizing suicide, it’s that Dani is literally protecting Jamie from Viola,” please consider that I’ve already discussed how the show’s depiction of this lent itself to my own noxious beliefs that “all I do is harm other people with my grief, so maybe I should stop talking to my friends so that they don’t have to deal with me anymore.” Please consider what these narrative details and their allegorical import might tell people who are struggling with their mental health—even if not with suicidal ideation, then with the notion that they should self-sacrificially remove themselves from relationships for the sake of sparing loved ones from (assumed) harm.

Okay, that said, now let’s proceed…‘cause I’ve got even more to say, ‘cause the more I mulled over these details, the more I also came to realize that Dani’s self-sacrificial death in Bly’s conclusion also has the unfortunate effect of undermining some of its other (attempted) themes and its queer representation.

What Bly Manor Tries (and Fails) to Say about Grief and Acceptance

Let’s start by jumping back to a theme we’ve already addressed briefly: moving through one’s grief.

The Haunting of Bly Manor does, in fact, have a lot to say about this. Or…it wants to, more like. On the whole, it seems like it’s trying really hard to give us a cautionary tale about the destructive effects of unprocessed grief and the misplaced guilt that we can wind up carrying around when someone we love dies. The show spends a whole lot of time preaching about how important it is that we learn to accept our losses without allowing them to totally consume us—or without lingering around in denial about them (gettin’ some Kübler-Ross in here, y’all). Sadly, though, it does kind of a half-assed job of it…despite the fact that this is a major recurring theme and a component of the characterizations and storylines of, like, most of its characters. In fact, this fundamentally Kübler-Rossian understanding of what it means to move through grief and to accept loss and mortality appears to be the show’s guiding framework. During his rehearsal dinner speech in the first episode, Owen proclaims that, “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them,” with such eerie resonance—as the camera stays set on Jamie’s unwavering gaze—that we know that what we’re about to experience is a story about accepting the inevitable losses of the people we love.

Bly Manor is chock full of characters who’re stuck in earlier stages of grief but aren’t really moving along to reach that acceptance stage. I mean, the whole cause of the main supernatural haunting is that Viola so ferociously refuses to accept her death and move on from her rage (brought about by Perdita’s resentment) that she spends centuries strangling whoever she comes across, which then effectively traps them there with her. And the other antagonistic ghostly forces, Rebecca and Peter, also obviously suck at accepting their own deaths, given that they actually believe that possessing two children is a perfectly fine (and splendid) way for them to grasp at some semblance of life again. (Actually…the more that I’ve thought about this, the more that I think each of the pre-acceptance stages of grief in Kübler-Ross’s model may even have a corresponding character to represent it: Hannah is denial; Viola is anger; Peter and Rebecca are bargaining; Henry is depression. Just a little something to chew on).

But let’s talk more at-length about this theme in relation to two characters we haven’t focused on yet: Hannah and Henry. For Hannah, this theme shows up in her struggles to accept that her husband, Sam, has left her (Charlotte wryly burns candles in the chapel as though marking his passing, while Hannah seems to be holding out hope that he might return) and in her persistent denial that Peter-as-Miles has killed her. As a ghost, she determinedly continues going about her daily life and chores even as she’s progressively losing her grip on reality. Henry, meanwhile, won’t issue official notifications of Dominic’s death and continues to collect his mail because doing otherwise would mean admitting to the true finality of Dominic’s loss. At the same time, he is so, completely consumed by his guilt about the role that he believes he played in Charlotte and Dominic’s deaths that he’s haunting himself with an evil alter-ego. His overriding guilt and despair also result in his refusal to be more present in Miles and Flora’s lives—even with the knowledge that Flora is actually his daughter.

In the end, both Hannah and Henry reach some critical moments of acceptance. But, honestly, the show doesn’t do a great job of bringing home this theme of move through your grief with either of them…or with anybody else, really. Peter basically winds up bullying Hannah into recognizing that her broken body is still at the bottom of the well—and then she accepts her own death right in time to make a completely abortive attempt at rescuing Dani and Flora. Henry finally has a preternatural Bad Feeling about things (something about a phone being disconnected? whose phone? Bly’s phone? his phone? I don’t understand), snaps to attention, and rushes to Bly right in time to make an equally abortive rescue attempt that leaves him incapacitated so that his not-quite-ghost can hang out with Hannah long enough to find out that she’s dead. But at least he decides to be an attentive uncle/dad to Miles and Flora after that, I guess. Otherwise, Hannah and Henry get handwaved away pretty quickly before we can really witness what their acceptance means for them in any meaningful detail. (I blame this on some sloppy writing and the way-too-long, all-about-Viola eighth episode. And, on that note, what about the “acceptances” of Rebecca, Peter, and Viola there at the end? Rebecca does get an interesting moment of acceptance—of a sort—with her offer to possess Flora in order to experience Flora’s imminent drowning for her, thereby sparing the child by tucking her in a happy memory. Peter just…disappears at the end with some way-too-late words of apology. Viola’s “acceptance,” however, is tricky…What she accepts is Dani’s invitation to inhabit her. More on this later).

Hannah and Henry’s stories appear to be part of the show’s efforts to warn us about the ways that unprocessed, all-consuming grief can cause us to miss opportunities to have meaningful relationships with others. Hannah doesn’t just miss her chance to be with Owen because…well, she’s dead, but also because of her unwillingness to move on from Sam beforehand. Her denial about her own death, in turn, prevents her from taking the opportunity as a ghost to tell Owen that she loves him. Henry, at least, does figure out that he’s about to lose his chance to be a caring parental figure to his daughter and nephew—but just barely. It takes the near-deaths of him and the children to finally prompt that realization.

Of the cast, Dani gets the most thorough and intentional development of this move through your grief theme. And, importantly, she learns this lesson in time to cultivate a meaningful relationship that she could’ve easily missed out on otherwise. As we’ve already discussed, a critical part of Dani’s character arc involves her realization that she has to directly confront Edmund’s death and start absolving herself of her guilt in order to open up the possibility of a romantic relationship with Jamie. In Episode 4, Jamie’s narration suggests that Dani has had a habit of putting off such difficult processes (whether in regards to moving through her grief, breaking off her engagement to Edmund, or coming to terms with her sexuality), as she’s been constantly deferring to “another night, another time for years and years.” Indeed, the show’s early episodes are largely devoted to showing the consequences of Dani’s deferrals and avoidances. From the very beginning, we see just how intrusively Dani’s unresolved guilt is impacting her daily life and functioning. She covers up mirrors to try to prevent herself from encountering Edmund’s haunting visage, yet still spots him in the reflections of windows and polished surfaces. Panic attacks seem to be regular occurrences for her, sparked by reminders of him. And all of this only gets worse and more disruptive as Dani starts acting on her attraction to Jamie.

It's only after Dani decides to begin moving through her grief and guilt that she’s able to start becoming emotionally and physically intimate with Jamie. And the major turning point for this comes during a scene that features a direct, explicit discussion of the importance of accepting (and even embracing) mortality.

That’s right—it’s time to talk about the moonflower scene.

In a very “I am extremely fed up with people not being able to deal with my traumatic past, so I’m going to tell you about all of the shit that I’ve been through so that you can go ahead and decide whether you want to bolt right now instead of just dropping me later on” move (which…legit, Jamie—I feel that), Jamie sits Dani down at her moonflower patch to give her the full rundown of her own personal backstory and worldview. Her monologue evinces both a profound cynicism and a profound valuation of human life…all of which is also suggestive, to me at least, of a traumatized person who at once desperately wishes for intimate connection, but who’s also been burned way too many times (something with which I am wholly unfamiliar, lol). She characterizes people as “exhaustive effort with very little to show for it,” only to go on to wax poetic about how human mortality is as beautiful as the ephemeral buds of a moonflower. This is, in essence, Jamie’s sorta convoluted way of articulating that whole “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them” idea.

After detailing her own past, Jamie shifts gears to suggest that she believes that cultivating a relationship with Dani—like the devoted work of growing a tropical, transient Ipomoea alba in England—might be worth the effort. And as part of this cultivation work, Jamie then acknowledges Dani’s struggles with her guilt, while also firmly encouraging her to move through it by accepting the beauty of mortality:  

“I know you’re carrying this guilt around, but I also know that you don’t decide who lives and who doesn’t. I’m sorry Dani, but you don’t. Humans are organic. It’s a fact. We’re meant to die. It’s natural…beautiful. […] We leave more life behind to take our place. Like this moonflower. It’s where all its beauty lies, you know. In the mortality of the thing.”

After that, Jamie and Dani are finally able to make out unimpeded.

Frustratingly, though, Jamie’s own dealings with grief, loss, and trauma remain terribly understated throughout the show. Her monologue in the moonflower scene is really the most insight that we ever get. Jamie consistently comes off as better equipped to contend with life’s hardships than many of Bly’s other characters; and she is, in fact, the sole member of the cast who is confirmed to have ever had any sort of professional therapy. She regularly demonstrates a remarkable sense of empathy and emotional awareness, able to pick up on others’ needs and then support them accordingly, though often in gruff, tough-love forms. Further, there are numerous scenes in which we see Jamie bestowing incisive guidance for handling difficult situations: the moonflower scene, her advice to Rebecca about contacting Henry after Peter’s disappearance, and her suggestion to Dani that Flora needs to see a psychologist, to name just a few. As such, Jamie appears to have—or, at least, projects—a sort of unflappable groundedness that sets her apart from everyone else in the show.

Bly only suggests that Jamie’s struggles run far deeper than she lets on. There are a few times that we witness quick-tempered outbursts (usually provoked by Miles) and hints of bottled-up rage. Lest we forget, although it was Flora who first found Rebecca’s dead body floating in the water, it was Jamie who then found them both immediately thereafter. We see this happen, but we never learn anything about the impact that this must have had on her. Indeed, Jamie’s exposure to the layered, compounding grief at Bly has no doubt inflicted a great deal of pain on her, suggested by details like her memorialization of Charlotte and Dominic during the bonfire scene. If we look past her flippancy, there must be more than a few grains of truth to that endless well of deep, inconsolable tears—but Jamie never actually shares what they might be. Moreover, although the moonflower scene reveals the complex traumas of her past, we never get any follow-up or elaboration about those details or Dani’s observation of the scar on her shoulder. For the most part, Jamie’s grief goes unspoken.

There’s a case to be made that these omissions are a byproduct of narrator Jamie decentering herself in a story whose primary focus is Dani. Narrator Jamie even claims that the story she’s telling “isn’t really my story. It belongs to someone I knew” (yes, it’s a diversionary tactic to keep us from learning her identity too soon—but she also means it). And in plenty of respects, the telling of the story is, itself, Jamie’s extended expression of her grief. By engaging in this act of oral storytelling to share Dani’s sacrifice with others—especially with those who would have otherwise forgotten—Jamie is performing an important ritual of mourning her wife. Still, it’s for exactly these reasons that I think it would’ve been valuable for the show to include more about the impacts that grief, loss, and trauma had on Jamie prior to Dani’s death. Jamie’s underdevelopment on this front feels more like a disappointing oversight of the show’s writing than her narrator self’s intentional, careful withholding of information. Additionally, I think that Bly leaves Jamie’s grieving on an…odd note (though, yes, I know I’m just a curmudgeonly outlier here). Those saccharine final moments of Jamie filling up the bathtub and sleeping on a chair so that she can face the cracked doorway are a little too heavy-handedly tear-jerking for my liking. And while this, too, may be a ritual of mourning after the undoubtedly taxing effort of telling Dani’s story, it may also suggest that Jamie is demurring her own acceptance of Dani’s death. Is the hand on her shoulder really Dani’s ghost? Or is it Jamie’s own hopeful fabrication that her wife’s spirit is watching over her? (Or—to counter my own point here and suggest a different alternative—could this latter idea (i.e. the imagining of Dani’s ghost) also be another valid manner of “accepting” a loss by preserving a loved one’s presence? “Dead doesn’t mean gone,” after all. …Anyway, maybe I would be more charitable to this scene if not for the hokey, totally out-of-place song. Coulda done without that, seriously).

But let’s jump back to the moonflower scene. For Dani, this marks an important moment in the progression of her own movement through grief. In combination, her newfound readiness to contend with her guilt and her eagerness to grow closer to Jamie enable Dani to find a sense of peace that she hasn’t experienced since Eddie’s death…or maybe ever, really (hang on to this thought for this essay’s final section, too). When she and Jamie sleep together for the first time, not only does Dani actually sleep well, but she also wakes the next morning to do something that she hasn’t done to that point and won’t do again: she comfortably looks into a mirror. (One small qualification to this: Dani does look into her own reflection at the diner when she and Jamie are on their road trip; Viola doesn’t interfere then, but whether this is actually a comfortable moment is questionable). Then, shifting her gaze away from her own reflection, she sees Jamie still sleeping soundly in her bed—and smiles. It’s a fleeting moment of peace. Immediately after that, she spots Flora out the window, which throws everything back into accumulating turmoil. But that moment of peace, however fleeting, is still a powerful one.

However, Bly teases this narrative about the possibilities of finding healing in the wake of traumatic loss—especially through the cultivation of meaningful and supportive relationships with others—only to then totally pull that rug out from under Dani in the final episode.

During that final episode, we see that Dani’s shared life with Jamie has supported her in coming to terms with Viola’s lurking presence, such that “at long last, deep within the au pair’s heart, there was peace. And that peace held for years, which is more than some of us ever get.” But it’s at the exact moment that that line of narration occurs that we then begin to witness Dani’s steady, inexorable decline. Sure, we could say that Dani “accepts” Viola’s intrusions and the unavoidable eventuality that the ghost will seize control of her. But this isn’t a healthy acceptance or even a depiction of the fraught relationships that we can have with grief and trauma as we continue to process them throughout our lives. At all. Instead, it’s a distinctive, destructive sense of fatalism.

“I’m not even scared of her anymore,” Dani tells Jamie as the flooded bathtub spills around them. “I just stare at her and it's getting harder and harder to see me. Maybe I should just accept that. Maybe I should just accept that and go.” Remember way back at the beginning of this essay when I pointed out that there’s a significant difference between “moving through one’s grief” and allowing one’s grief to become all-consuming? Well, by the time we reach the bathtub scene, Dani’s grief and trauma have completely overtaken her. Her “acceptance” is, thus, a fatalistic, catastrophizing determination that her trauma defines her existence, such that she believes that all she has left to do is give up her life in order to protect Jamie from her. For a less ghostly (and less suicidal ideation-y) and more real-life example to illustrate what I’m getting at here: this would be like me saying “I should just accept that I’m never going to be anything other than a traumatized mess and should stop reaching out to my friends so that I don’t keep hurting them by making them deal with what a mess I am.” If I said something like this, I suspect (hope) that you would tell me that this is not a productive acceptance, but a pernicious narrative that only hurts me and the people who care about me. Sadly, though, this kind of pernicious narrative is exactly what we get out of Bly’s ending allegory.

“But Squall,” you may be thinking, “this scene is representing how people who struggle with their mental health can actually feel. This is exactly what it can be like to have severe mental illness, even for folks who have strong support systems and healthy, meaningful relationships. And there’s value in showing that.”

And if you’re thinking that, then first of all—as I have indicated already—I am aware that this is what it can be like. Very aware. And second of all, you make a fair point, but…there are ways that the show could’ve represented this without concluding that representation with a suicide that it effectively valorizes. I’ll contend with this more in the final section, where I offer a few suggestions of other ways that Bly could’ve ended instead.

I just want to be absolutely clear that I’m not saying that I think all media portrayals of mental illness need to be hopeful or wholesome or end in “positive” ways. But what I am saying is that Bly’s conclusion offers a really fuckin’ bleak outlook on grief, trauma, and mental illness, especially when we fit that ending into the framework of the show’s other (attempted) core themes, as well as Dani’s earlier character development. It’s especially bleak to see this as someone with severe mental health issues and who has also lost a loved one to suicide—and as someone who desperately hopes that my life and worldview won’t always stay so darkly colored by my trauma.

Additionally, it’s also worth pausing here to acknowledge that fatalism is, in fact, a major theme of The Beast in the Jungle, the 1903 Henry James novella on which the ninth episode is loosely based. I confess that I’ve only read about this novella, but haven’t read the story itself. However, based on my (admittedly limited) understanding of it, there appears to be a significant thematic rupture between The Beast in the Jungle and The Haunting of Bly Manor in their treatments of fatalism. In the end of the novella, its protagonist, John Marcher, comes to the realization that his fatalism has been a horrible mistake that has caused him to completely miss out on an opportunity for love that was right in front of him all along. The tragic fate to which Marcher believed that he was doomed was, in the end, his own fatalism. Dani, in contrast, never has this moment of recognition, not only because her fatalism leads to her own death, but also because the show treats her fatalism not as something that keeps her from love, but instead as leading her towards a definitive act of love.

All of this is exactly why Dani’s portrayal has become so damn concerning to me, and why I don’t believe that Bly’s allegory of “this is what it’s like to live with mental illness and/or to love (and lose) someone who is mentally ill” is somehow value-neutral—or, worse, something worth celebrating.

How Dani’s Self-Sacrifice Bears on Bly’s Queer Representation

In my dabblings around the fandom so far, I’ve seen a fair amount of deliberation about whether or not Bly Manor’s ending constitutes an example of the Bury Your Gays trope.

Honestly, though, I am super unenthused about rehashing those deliberations or splitting hairs trying to give some definitive “yes it is” or “no it isn’t” answer, so…I’m just not going to. Instead, I’m going to offer up some further observations about how Dani’s self-sacrificial death impinges on Bly’s queer representation, regardless of whether Bury Your Gays is at work here or not.

I would also like to humbly submit that the show could’ve just…not fucked around in proximity of that trope in the first place so that we wouldn’t even need to be having these conversations.

But anyway. I’m going to start this section off with a disclaimer.

Even though I’m leveling some pretty fierce critiques in this section (and across this essay), I do also want to say that I adore that The Haunting of Bly Manor and its creators gave us a narrative that centers two queer women and their romantic relationship as its driving forces and that intentionally sets out to portray the healing potentials of sapphic love as a contrast to the destructive, coercive harms found in many conventional dynamics of hegemonic heteronormativity. I don’t want to downplay that, because I’m extremely happy that this show exists, and I sincerely believe that many elements of its representation are potent and meaningful and amazing. But…I also have some reservations with this portrayal that I want to share. I critique not because I don’t love, but because I do love. I love this show a lot. I love Dani and Jamie a lot. I critique because I love and because I want more and better in future media.

So, that being said…let’s move on to talk about Dani, self-sacrifice, and compulsory heterosexuality.

Well before Dani’s ennobled death, Bly establishes self-sacrifice as a core component of her characterization. It’s hardwired into her, no doubt due to the relentless, entangled educational work of compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) and the aggressive forms of socialization that tell girls and women that their roles in life are to sacrifice themselves in order to please others and to belong to men. Indeed, Episode 4’s series of flashbacks emphasizes the interconnectedness between comphet and Dani’s beliefs that she is supposed to sacrifice herself for others’ sakes, revealing how these forces have shaped who she is and the decisions that she’s made across her life. (While we’re at it, let’s also not lose sight of the fact that Dani’s profession during this time period is one that—in American culture, at least—has come to rely on a distinctively feminized self-sacrificiality in order to function. Prior to becoming an au pair, Dani was a schoolteacher. In fact, in one of Episode 4’s flashbacks, Eddie’s mother points out that she appreciates Dani’s knack for identifying the kids that need her the most, but also reminds Dani that she needs to take care of herself…which suggests that Dani hadn’t been: “Save them all if you can, but put your own oxygen mask on first”).

In the flashback of her engagement party, Dani’s visible discomfort during Edmund’s speech clues us in that she wasn’t preparing to marry him because she genuinely wanted to, but because she felt like she was supposed to. The “childhood sweethearts” narrative bears down on the couple, celebrated by their friends and family, vaunted by cultural constructs that prize this life trajectory as a cherished, “happily ever after” ideal. Further illustrating the pressures to which Dani had been subject, the same scene shows Eddie’s mother, Judy O’Mara, presenting Dani with her own wedding dress and asking Dani to wear it when she marries Eddie. Despite Mrs. O’Mara’s assurances that Dani can say no, the hopes that she heaps onto Dani make abundantly clear that anything other than a yes would disappoint her. Later, another flashback shows Dani having that dress sized and fitted while her mother and Mrs. O’Mara look on and chatter about their own weddings and marriages. Their conversation is imbued with further hopes that Dani’s marriage to Edmund will improve on the mistakes that they made in their lives. Meanwhile, Dani’s attentiveness to the tailor who takes her measurements, compliments her body, and places a hand on her back strongly suggests that Dani is suppressing her attraction to women. Though brief, this scene is a weighty demonstration of the ways that the enclosures of heteronormativity constrain women into believing that their only option is to deny homosexual attraction, to forfeit their own desires in order to remain in relationships with men, and to prioritize the hopes and dreams and aspirations of the people around them above their own.

Dani followed this pathway—determined for her by everyone else except herself—until she couldn’t anymore.

During the flashback of their breakup, Dani explains to Eddie that she didn’t end their relationship sooner because she thought that even just having desires that didn’t match his and his family’s was selfish of her: “I should’ve said something sooner. […] I didn’t want to hurt you, or your mom, or your family. And then it was just what we were doing. […] I just thought I was being selfish, that I could just stick it out, and eventually I would feel how I was supposed to.” As happens to so many women, Dani was on the cusp of sacrificing her life for the sake of “sticking out” a marriage to a man, all because she so deeply believed that it was her duty to satisfy everyone’s expectations of her and that it was her responsibility to change her own feelings about that plight.

And Eddie’s response to this is telling. “Fuck you, Danielle,” he says. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Pay close attention to those last two words. Underline ‘em. Bold ‘em. Italicize ‘em.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

With those two words, Eddie indicates that he views Dani’s refusal to marry him as something that she is doing to him, a harm that she is committing against him. It is as though Dani is inflicting her will on him, or even that she is unjustly attackinghim by finally admitting that her desires run contrary to his own, that she doesn’t want to be his wife. And with this statement, he confirms precisely what she anticipated would happen upon giving voice to her true feelings.

What space did Edmund, his family, or Dani’s mother ever grant for Dani to have aspirations of her own that weren’t towards the preordained role of Eddie’s future wife? Let’s jump back to that engagement party. Eddie’s entire speech reveals a very longstanding assumption of his claim over her as his wife-to-be. He’d first asked Dani to marry him when they were ten years old, after he mistakenly believed that their first kiss could get Dani pregnant; Dani turned him down then, saying that they were too young. So, over the years, as they got older, Eddie continued to repeatedly ask her—until, presumably, she relented. “Now, we’re still pretty young,” he remarks as he concludes his speech, “but I think we’re old enough to know what we want.” Significantly, Eddie speaks here not just for himself, but also for Dani. Dani’s voice throughout the entire party is notably absent, as Eddie and his mother both impose their own wishes on her, assume that she wants what they want, and don’t really open any possibility for her to say otherwise. Moreover, although there’s a palpable awkwardness that accompanies Eddie’s story, the crowd at the party chuckles along as though it’s a sweet, innocent tale of lifelong love and devotion, and not an instance of a man whittling away at a woman’s resistance until she finally caved to his pursuit of her.

All of this suggests that Eddie shared in the socialized convictions of heteropatriarchy, according to which Dani’s purpose and destiny were to marry him and to make him happy. His patterns of behavior evince the unquestioned presumptions of so many men: that women exist in service to them and their wants, such that it is utterly inconceivable that women could possibly desire otherwise. As a political institution, heteropatriarchy tells men that they are entitled to women’s existences, bodies, futures. And, indeed, Eddie can’t seem to even imagine that Dani could ever want anything other than the future that he has mapped out for them. (Oh, hey look, we’ve got some love vs. possession going on here again).

For what it’s worth, I think that the show’s portrayal of compulsory heterosexuality is excellent. I love that the writers decided to tackle this. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I found all of this to be extremelyrelatable. I might even be accused of over-relating and projecting my own experiences onto my readings here, but…there were just too many resonances between Dani’s experiences and my own. Mrs. O’Mara’s advice to Dani to “put your own oxygen mask on first” is all too reminiscent of the ways that my ex’s parents would encourage me to “heal” from my brother’s loss…but not for the sake of my own wellbeing, but so that I would return to prioritizing the care of their son and existing to do whatever would make him happy. I’ll also share here that what drove me to break up with my ex-fiancé wasn’t just his unwillingness to contend with my grief, but the fact that he had decided that the best way for me to heal from my loss would be to have a baby. He insisted that I could counteract my brother’s death by “bringing new life into the world.” And he would not take no for an answer. He told me that if I wouldn’t agree to try to have children in the near future, then he wasn’t interested in continuing to stay with me. It took me months to pluck up the courage, but I finally answered this ultimatum by ending our relationship myself. Thus, like Dani, I came very close to sacrificing myself, my wants, my body, my future, and my life for the sake of doing what my fiancé and his family wanted me to do, all while painfully denying my own attraction to women. What kept me from “sticking it out” any longer was that I finally decided that I wasn’t going to sacrifice myself for a man I didn’t love (and who clearly didn’t love me) and decided, instead, to reclaim my own wants and needs away from him.

For Dani, however, the moment that she finally begins to reclaim her wants and needs away from Eddie is also the moment that he furiously jumps out of the driver’s seat and into the path of a passing truck, which leaves her to entangle those events as though his death is her fault for finally asserting herself.

Of course, the guilt that Dani feels for having “caused” Eddie’s death isn’t justa matter of breaking up with him and thereby provoking a reaction that would prove fatal—it’s also the guilt of her suppressed homosexual desire, of not desiring Eddie in the first place. In other words, internalized homophobia is an inextricable layer of the culpability that Dani feels. Internalized homophobia is also what’s haunting her. As others (such as Rowan Ellis, whose deep dive includes a solid discussion of internalized homophobia in Bly, as well as a more at-length examination of Bury Your Gays than I’m providing here) have pointed out, the show highlights this metaphorically by having Dani literally get locked into a closet with Edmund’s ghost in the very first episode. Further reinforcing this idea is the fact that these spectral visions get even worse as Dani starts to come to terms with and act on her attraction to Jamie, as though the ghost is punishing her for her desires. Across Episode 3, as Dani and Jamie begin spending more time together, Edmund’s ghost concurrently begins materializing in more shocking, visceral forms (e.g. his bleeding hand in Dani’s bed; his shadowy figure lurking behind Dani after she’s held Jamie’s hand) that exceed the reflective surfaces to which he’d previously been confined. This continues into Episode 4, where each of Eddie’s appearances follows moments of Dani’s growing closeness to Jamie. A particularly alarming instance occurs when Dani just can’t seem to pry her gaze away from a dressed-up Jamie who’s in the process of some mild undressing. Finally turning away from Jamie, Dani becomes aware of Eddie’s hands on her hips. It’s a violating reminder of his claims over her, horrifying in its invocation of men’s efforts to coerce and control women’s sexuality.

It is incredibly powerful, then, to watch Dani answer all of this by becoming more resolute and assertive in the expression of her wants and needs. The establishment of her romantic relationship with Jamie isn’t just the movement through grief and guilt that we discussed earlier; it’s also Dani’s defiance of compulsory heterosexuality and her fierce claiming of her queer existence. Even in the face of all that’s been haunting her, Dani initiates her first kiss with Jamie; and Eddie’s intrusion in that moment is only enough to temporarily dissuade her, as Dani follows this up by then asking Jamie out for a drink at the pub to “see where that takes them” (i.e. up to Jamie’s flat to bang, obviously). The peace that Dani finds after having sex with Jamie for the first time is, therefore, also the profound fulfillment of at last having her first sexual experience with a woman, of finally giving expression to this critical part of herself that she’d spent her entire life denying. Compulsory heterosexuality had dictated to Dani that she must self-sacrifice to meet the strictures of heteropatriarchy, to please everyone except herself; but in her relationship with Jamie, Dani learns that she doesn’t have to do this at all. This is only bolstered by the fact that, as we’ve talked about at length already, Jamie is very attentive to Dani’s needs and respectful of her boundaries. Jamie doesn’t want Dani to do anything other than what Dani wants to do. And so, in the cultivation of their romantic partnership, Dani thus comes to value her own wants and needs in a way that she hasn’t before.

The fact that the show nails all of this so fucking well is what makes all that comes later so goddamn frustrating.

The final episode chronicles Dani and Jamie forging a queer life together that the rest of us can only dream of, including another scene of Dani flouting homophobia and negotiating her own internal struggles so that she can be with Jamie. “I know we can’t technically get married,” she tells Jamie when she proposes to her, “but I also don’t really care.” And with her awareness that the beast in the jungle is starting to catch up with her, Dani tells Jamie that she wants to spend whatever time she has left with her.

But then…

A few scenes later—along with a jump of a few years later, presumably—Jamie arrives home with the licenses that legally certify their civil union in the state of Vermont. It’s a monumental moment. In 2000, Vermont became the first state to introduce civil unions, which paved the way for it to later (in 2009) become the first state to pass legislation that recognized gay marriages without needing to have a court order mandating that the state extend marriage rights beyond opposite-sex couples. I appreciate that Bly’s creatorsincorporated this significant milestone in the history of American queer rights into the show. But its positioning in the show also fuckin’ sucks. Just as Jamie is announcing the legality of her and Dani’s civil union and declaring that they’ll have another marriage ceremony soon, we see water running into the hallway. This moves us into that scene with the flooded bathtub, as Jamie finds Dani staring into the water, unaware of anything else except the reflection of Viola staring back at her. Thus, it is at the exact moment when her wife proudly shares the news of this incredible achievement in the struggle for queer rights—for which queer folks have long fought and are continuing to fight to protect in the present—that Dani has completely, hopelessly resigned herself to Viola’s possession.

I want to be careful to clarify here that, in making this observation, I don’t mean to posit some sort of “Dani should have fought back against Viola” argument, which—within the context of our allegorical readings—might have the effect of damagingly suggesting that Dani should have fought harder to recover from mental illness or terminal disease. But I do mean to point out the incredibly grim implications that the juxtaposition of these events engenders, especially when we contemplate them (as we did in the previous section) within the overall frameworks of the show’s themes and Dani’s character development. After all that has come before, after we’ve watched Dani come to so boldly assert her queer desire and existence, it is devastating to see the show reduce her to such a despairing state that doesn’t even give her a chance to register that she and Jamie are now legal partners.

Why did you have to do this, Bly? Why?

Further compounding this despair, the next scene features the resumption of Dani’s self-sacrificial beliefs and behaviors, which results in her demise, and which leaves Jamie to suffer through the devastation of her wife’s death. This resumption of self-sacrifice hence demolishes all of that beautiful work of asserting Dani’s queer existence and learning that she doesn’t need to sacrifice herself that I just devoted two thousand words to describing above.

Additionally, in the end, Dani’s noble self-sacrifice also effects a safe recuperation of heteronormativity…which might add more evidence to a Bury Your Gays claim, oops.

And that is because, in the end, after we see Jamie screaming into the water and Dani forever interred at the bottom of the lake in which she drowned herself, we come to the end of Jamie’s story and return to Bly Manor’s frame narrative: Flora’s wedding.

At the start of the show, the evening of Flora and Unnamed Man’s (Wikipedia says his name is James? idk, w/e) rehearsal dinner provides the occasion and impetus for Jamie’s storytelling. Following dinner, Flora, her fiancé, and their guests gather around a fireplace and discuss a ghost story about the venue, a former convent. With a captive audience that includes her primary targets—Flora and Miles, who have forgotten what happened at Bly and, by extension, all that Dani sacrificed and that Jamie lost so that they could live their lives free of the trauma of what transpired—and with a topically relevant conversation already ongoing, Jamie interjects that she has a ghost story of her own to share…and thus, the show’s longer, secondary narrative begins.

When Jamie’s tale winds to a close at the end of the ninth episode, the show returns us to its frame, that scene in front of the cozy, crackling fire. And it is there that we learn that it is, in fact, Jamie who has been telling us this story all along.

As the other guests trickle away, Flora stays behind to talk to Jamie on her own. A critical conversation then ensues between them, which functions not only as Jamie’s shared wisdom to Flora, but also as the show’s attempt to lead viewers through what they’ve just experienced and thereby impart its core message about the secondary narrative. The frame narrative is, thus, also a direct address to the audience that tells us what we should take away from the experience. By this point, the show has thoroughly established that Jamie is a gentle-but-tough-love, knowledgeable, and trustworthy guide through the trials of accepting grief and mortality, and so it is Jamie who leaves Flora and us, the audience, with the show’s final word about how to treasure the people we love while they are still in our lives and how to grieve them if we survive beyond them. (But, by this point in this essay, we’ve also learned that Bly’s messages about grief and mortality are beautiful but also messy and unconvincing, even with this didactic ending moment).

With all of this in mind, we can (and should) ask some additional questions of the frame narrative.

One of those questions is: Why is the secondary narrative being told from/within this particular frame?

Answering this question within the show’s diegesis (by asking it of the narrator) is easy enough. Jamie is performing a memorialization of Dani’s life and sacrifice at an event where her intended audience happens to be gathered, ensuring that Miles and Flora begin to recognize what Dani did for them in a manner that maybe won’t just outright traumatize them.

Okay, sure, yeah. True. Not wrong.

But let’s interrogate this question more deeply—let’s ask it of the show itself. So, Bly Manor: Why is the secondary narrative being told from/within this particular frame?

We could also tweak this question a bit to further consider: What is the purpose of the frame? A frame narrative can function to shape audiences’ interpretations of and attitudes towards the secondary narrative. So, in this case, let’s make our line of questioning even more specific. What does the frame of Flora’s wedding do for Bly’s audiences?

Crucially, the framing scene at the fireplace provides us with a sense that we’ve returned to safety after the horror of the ghost story we’ve just experienced. To further assure us of this safety, then, Bly’s frame aims to restore a sense of normality, a sense that the threat that has provoked fear in us has been neutralized, a sense of hope that endures beyond tragedy. Indeed, as we fade from the secondary narrative and return to the frame, Jamie’s narration emphasizes how Dani’s selfless death has brought peace to Bly Manor by breaking its cycles of violence and trauma: “But she won’t be hollow or empty, and she won’t pull others to her fate. She will merely walk the grounds of Bly, harmless as a dove for all of her days, leaving the only trace of who she once was in the memory of the woman who loved her most.”

What Dani has accomplished with her self-sacrifice, then, is a longstanding, prevailing, expected staple of Western—and especially American—storytelling: redemption.

American media is rife with examples of this narrative formula (in which an individual must take selfless action—which may or may not involve self-sacrificial death—in order to redeem an imperiled community by restoring a threatened order) to an extent that is kind of impossible to overstate. Variations of this formula are everywhere, from film to television to comics to videogames to news reports. It is absolutely fundamental to our cultural understandings of what “heroism” means. And it’s been this way for, umm…a long time, largely thanks to that most foundational figure of Western myth, some guy who was crucified for everybody’s sins or something. (Well, that and the related popularization of Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey, but…I’m not gonna go off onto a whole rant about that right now, this essay is already too long as it is).

In Bly Manor, the threatened order is the natural process of death itself, which Viola has disrupted with a gravity well that traps souls and keeps them suspended within physical proximity of the manor. Dani’s invitation to Viola is the initial step towards salvation (although, I think it’s important to note that this is not entirely intentional on Dani’s part. Jamie’s narration indicates that Dani didn’t entirely understand what she was doing with the “It’s you, it’s me, it’s us” invitation, so self-sacrifice was not necessarily her initial goal). It nullifies the gravity well and resumes the passage of death, which liberates all of the souls that have been trapped at Bly and also produces additional opportunities for others’ atonements (e.g. Peter’s apology to Miles; Henry’s guardianship of the children). But it’s Dani’s suicide that is the ultimate completion of the redemptive task. It is only by “giving herself to the lake” that Dani is able to definitively dispel Viola’s threat and confer redemptive peace to Bly Manor.

It’s tempting to celebrate this incredibly rare instance of a queer woman in the heroic-redemptive role, given that American media overwhelmingly reserve it for straight men. But I want to strongly advise that we resist this temptation. Frankly, there’s a lot about the conventional heroic-redemptive narrative formula that sucks, and I’d rather that we work to advocate for other kinds of narratives, instead of just championing more “diversity” within this stuffy old model of heroism. Explaining what sucks about this formula is beyond the purview of this essay, though. But my next point might help to illustrate part of why it sucks (spoiler: it’s because it tends to prop up traditional, dominant structures of power and relationality).

So…What I want us to do is entertain the possibility that Dani’s redemptive self-sacrifice might serve specific purposes for straight audiences, especially in the return to the frame at the end.

Across The Haunting of Bly Manor, we’ve seen ample examples of heterosexuality gone awry. The show has repeatedly called our attention to the flaws and failings of heterosexual relationships against the carefully cultivated safety, open communication, and mutual fulfillment of a queer romance between two women. But, while queer audiences may celebrate this about this show, for straight audiences, this whole situation might just wind up producing anxiety instead—as though heterosexuality is also a threatened order within the world of Bly Manor. More generally, asking straight audiences to connect with a queer couple as the show’s main protagonists is an unaccustomed challenge with which they’re not normally tasked; thus, the show risks leaving this dominant viewer base uncomfortable, threatened, and resentful, sitting with the looming question of whether heterosexuality is, itself, redeemable.

In answer to this, Dani’s self-sacrifice provides multiple assurances to straight audiences. To begin with, her assumption of the traditional heroic-redemptive role secures audiences within the familiar confines of that narrative formula, which also then promises that Dani is acting as a protector of threatened status quos and not as another source of peril. What Bly Manor is doing here is, in effect, acknowledging that it may have challenged (and even threatened) straight audiences with its centerpiece of a queer romance—and that, likewise, queers themselves may be challenging the status quos of romantic partnerships by, for instance, demanding marriage rights and improvements in media representations—while also emphatically reassuring those audiences in the wake of that challenge that Dani and Jamie haven’t created and aren’t going to create too much disturbance with their queerness. They’re really not that threatening, Bly swears. They’re harmless as a dove. They’re wholesome. They’re respectable. They—and queer folks more generally—aren’t going to totally upend everything, really. Look, they’ll even sacrifice themselves to save everyone and redeem imperiled communities and threatened orders—even heterosexuality itself!

A critical step towards achieving this assurance is the leveling of the playing field. In order for the show to neutralize the threat of queerness for straight audiences, comfort them with a return to safety, and promise them that heterosexuality is redeemable, the queer women need to have an on-screen tragic end to their relationship just like all of the straight couples have. And so, Dani must die and Jamie must grieve.

That accomplished, the show then immediately returns to the frame, the scene at the fireplace following Flora’s rehearsal dinner.

There—after we’ve witnessed so much queer joy and queer tragedy crammed into this final episode—we see Flora and her fiancé, bride and groom, sitting together, arms linked, taking in all that Jamie has to tell them. And with this warm, idyllic image of impending matrimony between man and wife, the safety to which straight audiences return in the frame is, therefore, also the safety of a heterosexuality that can find its redemption through Dani’s self-sacrifice. Not only does Dani’s death mean that Flora can live (and go on to marry her perfectly bland, unremarkable husband, all without the trauma of what happened at Bly), but it also means that she—and, with her, straight audiences—can ultimately benefit from the lessons about true love, loss, and grieving that Dani’s self-sacrifice and Jamie’s story bestow.

And so, Bly Manor concludes with a valorization of redemptive self-sacrifice and an anodyne recuperation of heteronormativity, bequeathing Flora with the opportunities to have and to hold the experiential knowledge that Dani and Jamie have provided for her. Here, queer tragedy serves up an educational opportunity for heterosexual audiences in a challengingly “inclusive,” but otherwise essentially non-threatening manner. The ending is a gentle, non-traumatizing, yet frank lesson to heterosexual audiences in the same way that Jamie’s story is a gentle, non-traumatizing, yet frank lesson to Flora.

Did the show’s creators intentionally do all of this to set about providing such assurances to straight audiences? Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t really know—or care! But, especially in light of incidents like the recent “Suletta and Miorine’s relationship is up to interpretation” controversy following the Gundam: Witch from Mercury finale, I absolutely do not put it past media corporations and content creators to very intentionally take steps to prioritize the comfort of straight audiences against the threats of queer love. And anyway, intentional or not, all of this still has effects and implications loaded with meaning, as I have tried to account for here.

Honestly, though, I can’t quite shake the feeling that there’s some tension between Jamie, Owen, and maybe also Henry about Jamie’s decision to publicly share Dani’s story in front of Flora and Miles. Owen’s abrupt declaration that it’s getting late and that they should wrap up seems like an intervention—like he’s been as patient and understanding as he possibly could up to that point, but now, he’s finally having to put a stop to Jamie’s deviance. I can’t help but read the meaningful stares that pass between them at both ends of the frame as a complex mixture of compassion and fraught disagreement (and I wish that the show had done more with this). The scene where Dani and Jamie visit Owen at his restaurant seems to set up the potential for this unspoken dispute. By their expressions and mannerisms (Dani’s stony stare; the protective way that Jamie holds her as her own gaze is locked on Dani), it’s clear that Dani and Jamie are aghast that Flora and Miles have forgotten what happened and that Owen believes that they should just be able to live their lives without that knowledge. And it’s also clear, by her very telling of Dani’s story, that Jamie disagrees with him. Maybe I’m over-imposing my own attitudes here, but I’m left with the impression that Jamie resents the coddling of Miles and Flora just like I’m resenting the coddling of straight audiences…that Jamie resents that she and Dani have had to give up everything so that Miles and Flora can continue living their privileged lives just like I’m resenting the exploitation of queer tragedy for the sake preserving straight innocence. (As Jamie says to Hannah when Dani puts the children to work in the garden: “You can’t give them a pass forever.” Disclaimer: I’m not saying that I want Miles and Flora to be traumatized, but I am saying that I agree with Jamie, because hiding traumatic shit is not how to resolve inter-generational trauma. Anyway—).

Also, I don’t know about y’all, but I find Flora and Jamie’s concluding conversation to be super cringe. Maybe it’s because I’m gay and just have way too much firsthand experience with this sort of thing from my own comphet past, but Flora’s whole “I just keep thinking about that silly, gorgeous, insane man I’m marrying tomorrow. I love him. More than I ever thought I could love anybody. And the crazy thing is, he loves me the same exact amount,” spiel just absolutely screams “woman who is having to do all of the emotional work in her relationship with an absolutely dull, mediocre, emotionally illiterate man and is desperately trying to convince herself that he does, in fact, love her as much as she (believes) that she loves him.”

I feel like this is a parody of straightness?? Is this actually sincere??

This is what Dani gave up her life to redeem??

To me, this is just more bleak shit that Bly leaves us with. It is so painful to watch.

Bless.

Okay, so I know that I said that I wasn’t going to offer a definitive yes or no about whether Bly commits Bury Your Gays with Dani’s death, but…after writing all of this out, I’m honestly kinda leaning towards a yes.

But I’m already anticipating that folks are gonna push back against me on this. So I just want to humbly submit, again, that Bly could have just not done this. It could have just not portrayed Dani’s death at all.

To really drive this point home, then, I’m going to conclude this essay by suggesting just a few ways that The Haunting of Bly Manor could have ended without Dani’s self-sacrificial death—or without depicting her death on-screen at all.

Bly Manor Could Have Ended Differently

Mike Flanagan—creator, director, writer, editor, executive producer, showrunner, etc. of The Haunting of Bly Manor—has stated that he believes that the show’s ending is a happy one.

I, on the other hand, believe that Bly’s ending is…not. In my view, the way that the ending treats Dani is unnecessarily cruel and exploitative. “Happy ending”—really? If I let myself be cynical about it (which I do), I honestly think that Dani’s death is a pretty damn transparent effort to squeeze out some tears with a sloppy, mawkish, feel-good veneer slapped over it. And if we peel back that veneer and look under it, what we find is quite bleak.

To be fair, for a psychological horror show that’s so centrally about grief and trauma, Bly Manor does seem to profess an incredibly strong sense of hopefulness. Underlying the entirety of the show is a profound faith in all the good and beauty that can come from human connection, however fleeting our lives may be—and even if we make a ton of dumb, awful mistakes along the way. If I’m being less cynical about it, I do also think that the show’s ending strives to demonstrate a peak expression of this conviction. But—at least in my opinion—it doesn’t succeed in this goal. In my writing of this essay, I’ve come to believe that the show instead ends in a state of despair that is at odds with what it appears to want to achieve.

So, in this final section, I’m going to offer up a few possibilities for ways that the show could have ended that maybe wouldn’t have so thoroughly undermined its own attempted messages.

Now, if I were actually going to fix the ending of The Haunting of Bly Manor, I would honestly overhaul a ton of the show to arrive at something completely different. But I’m not going to go through all the trouble of rewriting the entire show here, lol. Instead, I’m going to work with most of what’s already there, leading out from Viola’s possession of Dani (even though I don’t actually like that part of the show either – maybe someday I’ll write about other implications of Viola’s possession of Dani beyond these allegorical readings, but not right now). I’m also going to try to adhere to some of the show’s core themes and build on some of the allegorical possibilities that are already in place. Granted, the ideas that I pose here wouldn’t fix everything, by any stretch of the imagination; but they would, at least (I hope), mitigate some of the issues that I’ve outlined over the course of this essay. And one way or another, I hope that they’ll help to demonstrate that Dani’s self-sacrificial death was completely unnecessary. (Seriously, just not including Dani’s death would’ve enabled the show to completely dodge the question of Bury Your Gays and would’ve otherwise gone a long way towards avoiding the problems with the show’s queer representation).

So, here's how this is going to work. First, I’m going to pose a few general, guiding questions before then proposing an overarching thematic modification that expands on an idea that’s already prominent across the show. This will then serve as the groundwork for two alternative scenarios. I’m not going to go super into detail with either of these alternatives; mostly, I just want to demonstrate that the show that could’ve easily replaced the situation leading to Dani drowning herself. (For the record, I also think that the show could’ve benefitted from having at least one additional episode—and from some timing and pacing restructuring otherwise. So, before anybody tries an excuse like “but this wouldn’t fit into the last episode,” I want to urge that we imagine these possibilities beyond that limitation).

Let’s start off by returning to a point that I raised in the earlier conversation about grief and acceptance: the trickiness of Viola’s “acceptance.”

What Viola “accepts” in the end aren’t her losses or her own mortality, but Dani’s desperate, last-ditch-effort invitation to inhabit her. Within the show’s extant ending, Viola never actually comes to any kind of acceptance otherwise. Dani’s suicide effectively forces her dissolution, eradicating her persistent presence through the redemptive power of self-sacrifice. But in all of my viewings of the show and in all of my efforts to think through and write about it, there’s a question that’s been bugging me to no end: Why does Viola accept Dani’s invitation in the first place?

We know that Peter figured out the “it’s you, it’s me, it’s us” trick in his desperation to return to some form of life and to leave the grounds of Bly Manor. But…what is the appeal of it for Viola? How do her own motivations factor into it? For so long, Viola’s soul has been tenaciously persisting at Bly all so that she can repeatedly return to the physical locus of her connection with her husband and daughter, their shared bedroom in the manor. She’s done this for so long that she no longer even remembers why she’s doing it—she just goes back there to grab whatever child she can find and strangles whoever happens to get in her way. So what would compel her to accept Dani’s invitation? What does she get out of it—and what does she want out of it? What does her acceptance mean? And why, then, does her acceptance result in the dissipation of the gravity well?

We can conjecture, certainly. But the show doesn’t actually provide answers to these questions. Indeed, one of the other major criticisms that I have of Bly is that it confines all of Viola’s development to the eighth episode alone. I really think that it needed to have done way more to characterize her threat and at least gestureat her history sooner, rather than leaving it all to that penultimate episode, interrupting and drawing out the exact moment when she’s about to kill Dani. (Like, after centuries of Viola indiscriminately killing people, and with so many ghosts that’ve been loitering around for so long because of that, wouldn’t Bly Manor have rampant ghost stories floating around about it by the time Dani arrives? But there’s only one minor suggestion of that possibility: Henry indicating that he might’ve met a soldier ghost once. That’s it. And on that note, all of the ghosts at the manor needed to have had more screentime and development, really). Further, it’s disappointing that the show devotes that entire eighth episode to accounting for Viola’s motivations, only to then reduce her to Big, Bad, Unspeakable Evil in the final episode, with no rhyme or reason for what she’s doing, all so that she can necessitate Dani’s death.

As we continue pondering these unanswered questions, there’s also another issue that I want to raise, which the show abandons only as an oblique, obscure consideration. And that is: How the hell did Jamie acquire all that extensive knowledge about Viola, the ghosts of the manor, and all that happened, such that she is able to tell Bly’sstory in such rich detail? My own sort of headcanon answer to this is that Viola’s possession of Dani somehow enabled Viola to regain some of her own memories—as well as, perhaps, a more extended, yet also limited awareness of the enduring consciousnesses of the other ghosts—while also, in turn, giving Dani access to them, too. Dani then could have divulged what she learned to Jamie, which would account for how Jamie knows so much. I bring this up because it provides one possible response to the question of “What does Viola get out of her possession of Dani?” (especially given the significant weight that the show places on the retention of one’s memories—more on this in a moment) and because this is an important basis for both of my proposed alternative scenarios.

Before we dig into those alternative scenarios, however, there’s also a thematic modification that I want to suggest, which would help to provide another answer to “What does Viola get out of her possession of Dani?” while also alleviating the issues that lead into the valorization of Dani’s suicide. That thematic modification involves how the show defines love. Although Bly’s sustained contrasts between love and possession have some valuable elements, I think that the ending would’ve benefitted from downplaying the love vs. possession theme (which is where we run into so much trouble with Dani’s self-sacrifice, and which has also resulted in some celebratory conflations between “selflessness” and self-sacrifice that I’ve seen crop up in commentary about the show—but, y’all, self-sacrifice is not something to celebrate in romantic partnerships, so please, please be careful idolizing that) to instead play up a different theme: the idea that love is the experience of feeling such safety and security with another person that we can find opportunities for peace by being with them.

Seeking peace—and people with whom to feel safe enough to share traumas and experience peace—is a theme that already runs rampant across the show, so this modification is really just a matter of accentuating it differently. It’s also closely linked to the moving through grief theme that we’ve already discussed at length, as numerous characters in Bly express desires for solitude with loved ones as a way of finding relief and healing from their pain, grief, and trauma. (And I suspect that I latched onto this because I have desperately wanted peace, calm, and stillness in the midst of my own acute, compounding traumas…and because my own former romantic partner was obviously not someone with whom I felt safe enough to experience the kind of peace that would’ve allowed me to begin the process of healing).

We run into this idea early in the development of Jamie and Dani’s romance, as narrator Jamie explains in the scene leading up to their first kiss, “The au pair was tired. She’d been tired for so long. Yet without even realizing she was doing it, she found herself taking her own advice that she’d given to Miles. She’d chosen someone to keep close to her that she could feel tired around.” Following this moment, at the beginning of Episode 5, narrator Jamie then foregrounds Hannah’s search for peace (“The housekeeper knew, more than most, that deep experience was never peaceful. And because she knew this ever since she’d first called Bly home, she would always find her way back to peace within her daily routine, and it had always worked”), which calls our attention to the ways that Hannah has been retreating into her memory of her first meeting with Owen as a crucial site of peace against the shock of her own death. Grown-up Flora even gushes about “that easy silence you only get with your forever person who loves you as much as you love them” when she’s getting all teary at Jamie about her husband-to-be.

Of course, this theme is already actively at work in the show’s conclusion as well. During her “beast in the jungle” monologue, Dani tells Jamie that she feels Viola “in here. It’s so quiet…it’s so quiet. She’s in here. And this part of her that’s in here, it isn’t…peaceful.” As such, Viola’s whole entire issue is that, after all those centuries, she has not only refused to accept her own death, but she’s likewise never been at peace—she’s still not at peace. Against Viola’s unpeaceful presence, however, Dani does find peace in her life with Jamie…at least temporarily, until Viola’s continued refusal of peace leads to Dani’s self-destructive sense of fatalism. Still, in her replacement of Viola as the new Lady of the Lake, Dani exists as a prevailing force of peace (she’s “harmless as a dove”); however, incidentally, she only accomplishes this through the decidedly non-peaceful, violent act of taking her own life.

But…what if that hadn’t been the case?

What if, instead, the peace that Dani finds in her beautiful, queer, non-self-sacrificing existence with Jamie had also enabled Viola to find some sense of peace of her own? What if, through her inhabitation of Dani, Viola managed to, like…calm the fuck down some? What if Dani’s safety and solitude worked to at least somewhat assuage Viola’s rage—and even guide her towards some other form of acceptance?

Depending on how this developed, the show could’ve borne out the potential for a much more subversive conclusion than what we actually got. Rather than All-Consuming-Evil Viola’s forced dissolution through the violence of Dani’s redemptive self-sacrifice (and its attendant recuperation of heteronormativity), we could’ve instead had the makings of a narrative about sapphic love as a source of healing that’s capable of breaking cycles of violence and trauma. And I think that it would’ve been possible for the show to accomplish this without a purely “happy” ending in which everything was just magically fine, and all the trauma dissipated, and there were no problems in the world ever again. The show could have, in fact, managed this while preserving the allegorical possibilities of Viola’s presence as mental and/or terminal illness.

But, before I can start describing how this could’ve happened, there’s one last little outstanding problem that I need to address. In the video essay that I cited earlier, Rowan Ellis suggests that there are limitations to the “Viola as a stand-in for mental/terminal illness” reading of the show because of the fact that Dani invites Viola into herself and, therefore, willingly brings on her own suffering. But I don’t think that this is quite the case or that it interferes with these allegorical readings. As I’ve already mentioned at various points, Dani doesn’t entirely understand the implications of what she’s doing when she issues her invitation to Viola; and even so, the invitation is still a matter of a dubious consent that evidently cannot be withdrawn once initially granted—at the absolute most generous characterization. Dani’s invitation is a snap decision, a frantic attempt to save Flora after everyone and everything else has failed. Consequently, we don’t necessarily have to construe Viola’s presence in Dani’s life as a matter of Dani “willingly inviting her own suffering,” but can instead understand it as the wounds and traumas that persist after Dani has risked her life to rescue Flora. In this way, the show could have also challenged the traditional heroic-redemptive narrative formula by offering a more explicit commentary on the all-too-often unseen ramifications of selflessly “heroic” actions (instead of just heedlessly perpetuating their glorification and, with them, self-sacrifice). Dani may have saved Flora—but at what cost to herself? What long-term toll might this lasting trauma exact on her?

And with that, we move into my two alternative ending scenarios.

Alternative Ending 1: Progressive Memory Loss

Memory and its loss are such significant themes in Bly Manor that theycould use an essay all their own.

I am, however, going to refrain from writing such an essay at this moment in time (I’m already super tired from writing this one, lol).

Still, the first of my alternative scenarios would bring these major themes full-circle—and would make Jamie eat her words.

In this alternative scenario, Viola would find some sense of peace—even if fraught and, at times, tumultuous—in her possession of Dani. As her rage subsides, she is even able to regain fragmented pieces of her own memory, which Dani is also able to experience. The restoration of Viola’s memory, albeit vague and scattered, leads Dani to try to learn even more about Viola’s history at Bly in an effort to at least partially fill in the gaps. As time goes on, though, Viola’s co-habitation within Dani’s consciousness leads to the steady degradation of Dani’s own memory. The reclamation of Viola’s memories would occur, then, concomitant with a steady erosion of both herself and Dani. Thus, Dani would still undergo an inexorable decline across the show’s ending, but one more explicitly akin to degenerative neurological diseases associated with aging, accentuating the “Viola as terminal illness” allegory while also still carrying resonances of the residual reverberations of trauma (given that memory loss is often a common consequence of acute trauma). Jamie would take on the role of Dani’s caregiver, mirroring and more directly illuminating the role that Owen plays for his mother earlier in the show. By the show’s conclusion, Dani would still be alive, including during the course of the frame narrative.

I mentioned earlier in this essay that I’ve endured even more trauma and grief since my brother’s death and since my breakup with my ex-fiancé. So, I’ll share another piece of it with you now: shortly after my breakup, my dad was diagnosed with one of those degenerative neurological diseases that I listed way back at the very beginning. I moved home not only to get away from my ex, but also to become a caregiver. In the time that I’ve been home, I’ve had no choice but to behold my dad’s continuous, irreversible decline and his indescribable suffering. He has further health issues, including a form of cancer. As a result, he now harbors a sense of fatalism that he’ll never be able to reconcile—he does not have the cognitive capacities to address his despair or turn it into some other form of acceptance. He is merely, in essence, awaiting his death. Hence, fatalism is something that I have had to “accept” as a regular component of my own life. (In light of this situation, you may be wondering if I have thoughts and opinions on medical aid in dying, given all that I have had to say so far about fatalism and suicide. And the answer is yes, I do have thoughts and opinions…but they are complex, and I don’t really want to try to account for them here).

Indeed, I live in a suspended, indefinite state of grieving. Day in and day out, I watch my father perish before my eyes, anticipating the blow of fresh grief that will strike when he dies. I watch my mother’s grief. I watch my father’s grief. He forgets about the symptoms of his disease; he looks up his disease to try to learn about it; he re-discovers his inevitable demise anew; the grieving process restarts again. (“She would wake, she would walk, she would forget […] and she would fade and fade and fade”).

What, then, does acceptance look like when grief is so ongoing and so protracted?

What does acceptance look like in the absence of any possibility of acceptance?

Kübler-Ross’s “five stages of grief” model has been a meaningful guide for countless folks in their efforts to navigate grief and loss. Yet, the model has also been subject to a great deal of critique. Critics have accused the model of, among other things, suggesting that grieving is a linear process, whereby a person moves from one stage to the next and then ends conclusively at acceptance (when grieving is, in fact, an incredibly uneven, nonlinear, and inconclusive process). Relatedly, they have also called attention to the fact that the model commonly gets used prescriptively in ways that usher grieving folks towards the end goal of acceptance and cast judgment on those who do not reach that stage. These are criticisms that I would level at Bly’s application of Kübler-Ross as well. Earlier, we thoroughly covered the show’sissues with grief and acceptance as major themes; but in addition to those issues, Bly alsotends to steer its characters towards abrupt endpoints of acceptance, while doling out punishments to those who “refuse” to accept. At root, there are normative ascriptions at work in the show’s very characterization of deferred acceptance as refusal and acceptance itself as an active choice that one has to make.

This alternative ending, then, would have the potential to challenge and complicate the show’s handling of grief by approaching Jamie’s grieving and Dani’s fatalism from very different angles. As Dani’s caregiver, Jamie would encounter and negotiate grief in ongoing and processual ways, which would continue to evolve as her wife’s condition worsens and her caregiving responsibilities mount, thereby lending new layers of meaning to the message that “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them.” Dani’s fatalism here could also serve as a different interpretation of James’s Beast in the Jungle; perhaps her sense of fatalism ebbs and flows, morphs and contorts along with the progression of her memory loss as she anticipates the gradual whittling-away of her selfhood—or even forgets that inevitability entirely. Still a tragic, heart-rending ending to the show, this scenario may not have the dramatic force of Jamie screaming into the waters of the lake, but it would be a relatable depiction of the ways that many real-life romances conclude. (And, having witnessed the extent of my mom’s ongoing caregiving for my dad, lemme tell ya: if y’all really want a portrayal of selflessness in romantic partnerships, I can think of nothing more selfless than caring for one’s terminally ill partner across their gradual death).

Additionally, this scenario could allow the show to maintain the frame narrative, while also packing fresh complexities into it.

Perhaps, in this case, Dani is still alive, but Jamie has come to Flora’s wedding alone, leaving Dani with in-home caregivers or within assisted living or some such. She comes there determined to ensure that Miles and Flora regain at least some awareness of what Dani did for them—that they remember her. The act of telling Dani’s story, then, becomes not only the performance of a mourning ritual, but also a vital way of preserving and perpetuating Dani’s memory where both the children and Dani, herself, can no longer remember. To be sure, such purposes already compel Jamie’s storytelling in the show: Narrator Jamie indicates that the new Lady of the Lake will eventually lose her recollection of the life she had with the gardener, “leaving the only trace of who she once was in the memory of the woman who loved her most.” But in the context of a conclusion so focused on memory loss, this statement would take on new dimensions of import. In this way, the frame narrative might also more forcefully prompt us, the audience, to reflect on the waysthat we can carry on the memories of our loved ones by telling their stories—and also, maybe, the responsibilities that we may have to do so. “Almost no one even remembers how she was when her mind hadn’t gone,” Jamie remarks after returning from Owen’s mother’s funeral, a subtle indictment of just how easily we can lose our own memories of those who suffer from conditions like dementia—how easily we can fail to carry on the stories of the people they were before and to keep their memories alive. (“We are all just stories in the end,” Olivia Crain emphasizes during the eulogy for Shirl’s kitten in The Haunting of Hill House. In fact, there’re some interesting comparative analyses we could do about storytelling and the responsibilities incumbent on storytellers between these two Flanagan shows).

Along those lines, I think that this would’ve been an excellent opportunity for the show to exacerbate and foreground those latent tensions between Jamie and Owen (and maybe also Henry) about whether to share Dani’s story with the now-adult children.

In the show’s explorations of memory loss, there’re already some interesting but largely neglected undercurrents churning around about the idea that maybe losing one’s memory isn’t just a curse or a heartbreaking misfortune (as it is for Viola, the ghosts of Bly Manor, and Owen’s mother), but can, in certain circumstances, be a blessing. Bly implies—via Owen and the frame narrative—that Miles and Flora have been able to flourish in their lives because they have forgotten what happened at Bly and still remain blissfully unaware of it…which, to be clear, is only possible because of the sacrifices that Dani and Jamie have made. But this situation raises, and leaves floating there, a bunch of questions about the responsibilities we have to impart traumatic histories to younger generations—whether interpersonally (e.g. within families) or societally (e.g. in history classrooms). Cycles of trauma don’t end by shielding younger generations from the past; they especially don’t end by forcing impacted, oppressed, traumatized populations (e.g. queer folks) to shoulder the burdens of trauma on their own for the sake of protecting another population’s innocent ignorance. But how do we impart traumatic histories? How do we do so responsibly, compassionately, in ways that respect those harrowing pasts—and those who lived them, those most directly impacted by them—without actively causing harm to receiving audiences? On the other hand, if we over-privilege the innocence of those who have forgotten or those who weren’t directly impacted, what do we lose and what do we risk by not having frank, open conversations about traumatic histories?

As it stands, I think that Bly is remiss in the way it tosses out these issues, but never actually does anything with them. It could have done much, much more. In this alternate ending, then, there could be some productive disagreement among Jamie, Owen, and Henry about whether to tell Flora and Miles, what to tell them, how to tell them. Perhaps, in her seizing of the conversation and her launching of the story in such a public way, Jamie has taken matters into her own hands and has done so in a way that Owen and Henry can’t easily derail. Perhaps Owen sympathizes but does, indeed, abruptly cut her off just before her audience can completely connect the dots. Perhaps Henry is conflicted and doesn’t take a stand—or perhaps he does. Perhaps we find out that Henry had been torn about whether to even invite Jamie because of the possibility of something like this happening. Or, perhaps Henry wants the children to know and believes that they should hear Dani’s story from Jamie. Perhaps we see scenes of past quarrels between Jamie and Owen, Owen and Henry. Perhaps, once the story has ended, we see a brief aftermath conversation between Owen and Jamie about what Jamie has done, their speculations about how it may impact Miles and Flora. Perhaps the show presents these conversations in ways that challenge us to reflect on them, even if it does not provide conclusive answers to the questions it raises, and even if it leaves these conflicts open-ended, largely unresolved.

Alternative Ending 2: Living with the Trauma

If Bly’s creators had wanted Viola’s inhabitation of Dani to represent the ongoing struggles of living—and loving someone—with severe mental illness and trauma, they could have also just…done that? Like, they could have just portrayed Jamie and Dani living their lives together and dealing with Viola along the way. They could have just let that be it. It wouldn’t have been necessary to include Dani’s death within the show’s depicted timeline at all.

The show could’ve more closely aligned its treatment of Dani’s fatalism with James’s Beast in the Jungle—but with, perhaps, a bit more of a hopeful spin. Perhaps, early on, Dani is convinced that her demise is imminent and incontrovertible, much as we already see in the final episode’s diner scene. For a while, this outlook continues to dominate her existence in ways that interfere with her daily functioning and her relationship with Jamie. Perhaps there’s an equivalent of the flooded bathtub scene, but it happens much earlier in the progression of their partnership: Dani despairs, and Jamie is there to reinforce her commitment to staying with Dani through it all, much like her extant “If you can’t feel anything, then I’ll feel everything for the both of us” remarks. But maybe, as a result of this, Dani comes to a realization much like The Beast in the Jungle’s John Marcher—but one that enables her to act on her newfound understanding, an opportunity that Marcher never finds before it’s too late. Maybe she realizes that her fatalism has been causing her to miss out on really, truly embracing the life that she and Jamie have been forging together, thus echoing the show’s earlier points about how unresolved trauma can impede our cultivation of meaningful relationships. Maybe she realizes that her life with Jamie has been passing her by while she’s remained so convinced that Viola will claim that life at any moment. Maybe she comes to understand that her perpetual sense of dread has been hurting Jamie—that Jamie needs her in the same ways that she needs Jamie, but that Dani’s ever-present sense of doom has been preventing her from providing for those needs. And maybe this leads to a re-framing of the “you, me, us,” conceit, with a scene in which Dani acknowledges the extent to which her fatalism has been dictating their lives; in light of this acknowledgement, she and Jamie resolve—together—to continue supporting each other as they navigate Viola’s lasting influences on their lives.

By making this suggestion, I once again do not want to seem like I’m advocating that “Dani should fight back against Viola” (or, in other words, that “Dani should fight harder to win the battle against her mental illness”). But I do want to direct us back to a point that I raised at the very beginning: grieving, traumatized, and mentally ill folks can, indeed, cause harm to our loved ones. Our grief, trauma, and mental illness don’t excuse that fact. But what that means is that we have to take responsibility for our harmful actions. What it absolutely does not mean is that our harms are inevitable or that our loved ones would be better off without us.It means recognizing that we still matter and have value to others, despite the narratives we craft to try to convince ourselves otherwise. It means acknowledging the wounds that fatalistic, “everybody is better without me” assumptions can inflict. It means identifying the ways that we can support and care for our loved ones, even through our own struggles with our mental health.

“Fighting harder to win the battle against mental illness” is a callous and downright incorrect framing of the matter; but there are, nevertheless, intentional steps that we must take to heal from trauma, to receive treatment for our mental illnesses, to care for ourselves, to care for our loved ones. For instance…the very process of writing this essay incited me to do a lot of reflecting on the self-defeating narratives that I have been telling myself about my mental health and my relationships with others. And that, in turn, incited me to do some course-correcting. I thought about how much I want to work towards healing, however convoluted and intricate that process may be. I thought about how I want to support my family. How I want to foster a robust social support network, such that I feel a genuine sense of community. How I want to be an attentive friend. How, someday, if I’m fortunate enough to have a girlfriend, I want to be a caring, present, and equal partner to her; I want to emotionally nourish her through life’s trials and turmoil, not just expect her to provide that emotional nourishment for me. I started writing this essay in August; and since then, because of it, I’ve held myself accountable by reaching out to friends, spending time with them, trying to support them. I’ve also managed to get myself, finally, to start therapy. And my therapist is already helping me address those self-defeating narratives that have led me to believe that I’m just a burden on my friends. So, y’know, I’m workin’ on it.

But it ain’t pretty. And it also ain’t a linear upward trajectory of consistent improvement. It’s messy. Sometimes, frankly, it’s real ugly.

It could be for Dani, too.

Even with her decision to accept the certainties and uncertainties of Viola’s intrusive presence in her life, to live her life as best she can in the face of it all, perhaps Dani still struggles from day to day. Perhaps some days are better than others. Perhaps Viola, as I suggested earlier, begins finding some modicum of peace through her possession of Dani; nonetheless, her rage and disquiet never entirely subside, and they still periodically overtake Dani. Perhaps Dani improves, only to then backslide, only to then find ways to stabilize once again. In this way, the show could’ve more precisely portrayed the muddled, tumultuous lastingness of grief and trauma throughout a lifetime—without concluding that struggle with a valorized suicide.

Such portrayals are not unprecedented in horror. As I contemplated this ending possibility, I couldn’t help but think of The Babadook (2014), another piece of horror media whose monster carries allegorical import as a representation of the endurance and obtrusion of unresolved trauma. The titular monster doesn’t disappear at the film’s end; Sam emphasizes, in fact, that “you can’t get rid of the Babadook.” And so, even after Amelia has confronted the Babadook and locked him in the basement of the family’s home, he continues to lurk there, still aggressive and threatening to overcome her, but able to be pacified with a bowlful of worms. Like loss and trauma, the Babadook can never be totally ignored or dispelled, only assuaged with necessary, recurrent attention and feedings.

Bly could have easily done something similar with Viola. Perhaps, in the same way that Amelia has to regularly provide the Babadook with an offering of worms, Dani must also “feed” Viola to soothe her rage. What might those feedings look like? What might they consist of? Perhaps Viola draws Dani back to Bly Manor, insisting on revisiting those same sites that have held implacable sway over her for centuries. Perhaps these visits are what permit Dani to gradually learn about Viola: who she was, what she has become, why she has tarried between life and death for so long. Perhaps Dani also learns that these “feedings” agitate Viola for a while, stirring her into fresh furor—but that, in their wake, Viola also settles more deeply and for longer periods. Perhaps they necessitate that Dani and Jamie both directly confront their own traumas, bring them to the surface, attend to them. Perhaps, together, they learn how to navigate their traumas in productive, mutually supportive ways. Perhaps this is also what quiets Viola over time, even if Dani is never quite sure whether Viola will return to claim her life.

You may be wondering, then, about what happens with the frame narrative in this scenario. If Dani doesn’t meet some tragic demise, what happens to the role and significance of grieving in the act of Jamie’s storytelling? Would Jamie’s storytelling even occur? Wouldn’t Dani just be at Flora’s wedding, too? Would we miss the emotional gut-punch of the reveal of the narrator’s identity at the end?  

Perhaps, in this case, the ending removes some of the weight off of the grief theme to instead foreground those troubled deliberations about how to impart traumatic histories (as we covered in the previous scenario). As such, the frame could feature those conflicts between Jamie (and Dani here too this time), Owen, and Henry concerning whether or not to tell Dani’s story to Miles and Flora. Perhaps Dani decides not to attend the wedding, wary of contributing to this conflict at the scene of what should be a joyous occasion for Flora; perhaps she feels like she can’t even face the children. And then, without Dani there, perhaps an overwrought Jamie jumps into the story when the opportunity presents itself—whether impulsively or premeditatedly.

Or…Perhaps the show could’ve just scrapped the frame at Flora’s wedding and could’ve done something else instead. What might that be? I have no idea! Sky’s the limit.

At any rate, even with these changes, it would’ve still been possible to have the show conclude in a sentimental, tear-jerking way (which seems to be Flanagan’s preference). Perhaps Jamie’s storytelling does spark the return of the children’s memories. Perhaps, as they begin to remember, they reach out to Dani and Jamie, wanting to connect with them, wanting especially to see Dani again. And then, perhaps, the show could’ve ended with a scene of Miles and Flora finally reuniting with Dani—emotional, sweet, and memorable, no valorized suicide or exploitation of queer tragedy needed.

Conclusion

In my writing of this essay—and over the course of the Bly Manor and Hill House rewatches that it inspired—I’ve been finding myself also doing a great deal of reflection about the possibilities and purposes of horror media. I’ve been thinking, in particular, about the potential for the horror genre to provide contained settings in which we can face and explore our deepest fears and traumas in (relatively) safe, controlled ways. Honestly, I think that this is part of why I enjoy Flanagan’s work so much (even if it also enrages me at the same time). If you’ve read this far, you’ll have seen just how profoundly I relate to so much of the subject matter of The Haunting of Bly Manor. It has been extremely meaningful and valuable for me to encounter the show’s depictions of topics like familial trauma, grief, loss, compulsory heterosexuality, caregiving for aging parents, so on, all of which bear so heavily on my own existence. Bly Manor produced opportunities for me to excavate and dig deeply into the worst experiences of and feelings about my life: to look at them, understand them, and give voice to them, when I’m otherwise inclined to bury them into inconspicuous docility.

Even so, the show does not handle these relatable topics as well as it could have. Flanagan and the many contributors to this horror anthology can’t just preach at us about the responsibilities of storytellers; they, too, have responsibilities as storytellers in the communication of these delicate, sensitive, weighty human experiences. And so, to reinforce a point that I made earlier, this is why I’ve written this extensive critique. It’s not because I revile the show and want to condemn it—it’s because I cherish Bly Manor immensely. It’s because I wanted more out of it. It’s because I want to hold it and its creators accountable. It’s because I want folks to think more critically about it (especially after how close I came to unreflectively accepting its messages in my own initial reception of it).

Television usually doesn’t get me this way. It’s been a long time since I was this emotionally attached to a show. So this essay has been my attempt to honor Bly with a careful, meticulous treatment. I appreciate all of the reflection and self-work that it has inspired me to undertake. I’ve wanted to pay my respects in the best way I know how: with close, thorough analysis.

If you’ve read all this mess, thanks for taking the time to do so. I hope that you’ve been able to get something out of it, too.

Representation matters, y’all.

The end.

#the haunting of bly manor #bly manor #thobm #dani clayton #jamie taylor #dani x jamie #damie #sapphic romance #lesbian romance #mental health #compulsory heterosexuality #queer representation #not a fix-it fic but a fix-it essay

[lucianalight]

Loki S2 Review

I rewatched S2 and I liked it even more on the second watch. I'm giving it a 6 out of 10 in average(8 for the finale). Since I didn't post a review week by week like for S1, I'm just going to talk about the main things I liked/disliked

The Improvements & Things I liked:

The pace and the narrative's tone and framing have changed. While the pace drops sometimes, these moments aren't as boring as S1. Meaning you don't want to constantly check when it's going to end(like you know, S1 and especially 1x06). The narrative is neutral and doesn't villain code Loki and hero code others. It doesn't turn Loki into a clown, a punching bag or someone who deserves humiliation(I guess they've done enough of that in S1). On the contrary the characters are shown as flawed people, with Loki being the most moral, considerate, logical and heroic amongst them.

They stated bluntly in episode 1, that what TVA used to do, were atrocities. That they were killing numerous innocent people who had a right to live their lives as they chose.

The characters were three dimensional, likable or tolerable despite their actions in S1. They showed remorse for the things they had done. Although the way the narrative chose to go about it in S1 still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It shouldn't happen to you for you to realize sth is wrong. But at least it was shown that the characters weren't slaughtering people mindlessly and some of them deep down knew it was wrong. Although the fact that they still did it, because of the "greater good", and "woe is me! It's not a comfort it's a burden" attitude about it is repulsive.

OB, Casey and Timely being funny, cute nerds and fanboys :D

Loki using amazing magical stuff and DID YOU SEE THE GREEN MAGICAL GLOW IN HIS EYES?*incoherent screaming*

No Romance. It was unnecessary and rushed in S1. This time they focused more on Loki needing friends and that was definitely a better choice imo and what they should have gone for in S1 too.

Sylvie's actions and personality framed as what they were. She wasn't put on a pedestal as this amazing different FeMaLe version of Loki. She was framed as a flawed character with wrong and right actions and beliefs.

Loki and Sylvie's talk in the pie land, about change, hope, fixing what's broken and being gods. That sigh before Loki saying "We are gods" with all the weight of the world on his shoulders. Wonderful acting.

The ending and its epic soundtrack.

Topics & Things That Could Have Been Handled Better:

The Topic of New York Invasion

"Sometimes a rage builds up and you just gotta let it out. Do you remember that time I was so angry with my father and my brother, I went down to Earth and I held the whole of New York city hostage with an alien army? Tried to use the mind stone on Tony Stark? It didn't work so I threw him off the building. It wasn't tactical. I lost it"

On the surface it looks like Loki's saying that's why he attacked New York and probably most people accept this without a second thought.

But the context of the scene matters. We see during the interrogation Mobius loses his temper. He was worried about Loki getting angry, but he was the one who loses his temper and hits Brad. Loki tries to calm him down by sympathizing with him to try and see what caused his behavior. It's the same thing he did for Thor in the first movie, before coronation and after it, while Thor was nervous and angry. What he says about New York while isn't the whole truth, it also isn't untrue. He was angry with Thor and Odin but as we know his anger and thoughts were influenced by the scepter. We also know Loki doesn't like to talk about his time with Thanos or being tortured. Instead he uses a half-truth, sth that is in character for Loki.

So the scene can be rationalized by this analysis but it's still annoying that this analysis is even needed. They should have been clear about the scepter's influence especially when mcu confirmed it.

Loki thinking about Thor's change as being a weakness. While both Thor and Loki were groomed and taught to consider being soft as a weakness, that wasn't Loki's true feelings. At least I don't think someone who prefers words and magic-that are considered a weakness in Asgard-over brawn thinks like that. His goal in the first movie was to goad Thor into fighting him. So the line should have been sth like this: "Asgard taught us being soft is a weakness, so I used that against Thor to goad him into a fight. I said he's gone soft…"

Plotholes and things that weren't explained.

Why Loki and Sylvie weren't sent to their original timelines like others? And why neither of them showed any interest in seeking their family? You're telling me Loki wants to see these people he knows for 10 seconds more than Frigga or Thor? OOC.

Sylvie's sudden mastery of magic since 1x06 isn't explained. She didn't know much, but then suddenly could do everything Loki did. I mean I can headcanon that her and Loki linking their power taught her some things but these sudden developments without any explanations are annoying.

Loki's genderfluidity. No mention of it at all. Although I believe that no representation is better than bad representation. And you should leave a topic alone if you don't understand it, otherwise you're gonna mess it up. Because bad rep can be more harmful. And so maybe it was a good thing mcu let that one go. But they could still fix it with some shapeshifiting, explaining its difference with illusions and Loki confirming that he is comfortable in her female form.

Loki's clothes. It's probably not that important in comparison with other issues but I really hate that beige suit. Why Sylvie who doesn't even want to be Loki and wasn't in Asgard since childhood changes into an Asgardian outfit for a fight and not Loki? Yeah I get it. It was because of the last reveal and transformation and finding his identity blah blah blah but at least they could have gave him his old Asgardian clothes or he could change the suit's color ugh

Criticism & Things I didn't like:

The ooc moments for Loki in some comedic scenes. Especially in episode 5. While the character has a comedic potential, it's not based on clownery or clumsiness. The best humorous moments for Loki are the ones where he outwits others, use sarcastic language or he is being outwitted despite his careful plans.

Certain emotional stakes aren't clear from the start. The audience know that saving TVA is the right thing because it protects all the freed timelines but they don't know why they should care? Or more accurately why Loki is so emotionally invested in this goal. That gets answered in episode 5 and while Loki's talk with Sylvie is a good emotional scene, the fact that it's stated so late in the story, makes the first few episodes boring when it comes to saving TVA.

The main reason the emotional stakes aren't clear(at least for me), I believe is because most of the people Loki call them his "friends",  haven't done anything to either deserve his friendship or aren't close enough to be considered a friend. Let alone someone Loki tries to move heaven and hell to be with them, instead of for example trying to find his brother and family. It is an issue which again is rooted in S1 and carried to S2. What happened in S1 wasn't therapy or a healthy friendship.

However, Loki being loyal to anyone who show him an ounce of affection or him being moral enough to try to save people are in character for him and that's sth good about it.

The torture scene.

The trick Mobius and Loki pulled was predictable as hell. I didn't even doubted Loki in TDW, let alone here. And even though I didn't believe for one second that Loki's actually going to hurt the guy, and he wasn't shown enjoying it, I still hated that he went along with the torture idea Mobius had come up with. Especially considering the fact that he was a victim of torture himself and never shown any sign in canon that he would torture someone. So yeah I hated that scene.

And why that scene was even necessary? Loki could get into X-5's mind when they weren't in TVA. We know he is capable of it. He did it both through mind stone in Avengers and in TR. how else they were going to delve into Mobius' problem though smh

But alright let's say they needed a scene like that. Still the whole Brad believing Mobius is against torture, and Loki's the one who would be in favor of it, is so fucking ridiculous. Any way you look at it, it has always been TVA and Mobius who did any torture we've seen during the two seasons. The tortures that Loki endured might I add. Even in the previous scene, it was Loki who didn't hit Brad and only tried to intimidate him non-physically by acting as a villain. It was Mobius who hit him, who was shown more affected by Brad's insults. So logically the scene they had planned to fool Brad, should have been played completely the opposite way. By having Mobius do the torture. At least it was recognized that the torture idea was from Mobius and both he and Loki gave the credits for it to Mobius.

Verity Willis. Hunter B15 unlike the Verity in comics, doesn't have a close friendship with Loki or truth detector powers. Not having a good friend like comics Verity for Loki, was such a wasted opportunity in the series.

Mobius saying to Loki "You're a man of action...". That was such a stupid, unnecessary line. As if the main difference between Loki and Thor wasn't Thor acting before thinking, and Loki thinking and planning before acting. While Loki is also a man of action, he is first and foremost a man of strategy. The only plausible explanation imo is that Mobius said it to not feel useless in comparison with Loki and his skills.

"Thor's not that tall". Yeah, no. I don't think Loki's reaction to seeing Thor and Odin's statues would be that. Knowing his brother and family were murdered by the very same people he's working with now. Remind me again why he's considering them "FrIeNdS"? Someone really needs to explain the concept of friendship to Loki. Or rather the writers of this show.

And while we are at it. Let's talk about how Loki's past and identity issues were completely swapped under the rug as if they were all magically fixed and didn't matter anymore. As if those weren't the most important part of his journey. Another issue rooted in S1.

Final Thoughts(for now :D)

Season 2 was definitely better than season 1. Not perfect, and not for those who care about OG Loki's issues. They set him on a completely different path in S1 and they messed up any chance to actually delve into his problems. So in S2 we're having a character that we're supposed to accept has moved on from certain issues, and now tries to find what he wants and where he belongs. Still, I think that they listened to the criticism for once as they tried to fix some of the problems of S1. After many years it didn't feel like that the creators hate the character, or using him as a prop, or a plot device. It was a story about Loki. A bittersweet story for the god of stories.

#me: i liked this season #also me: here's a list of all its issues :D #loki s2 review #long post #loki #loki series criticism #loki s2 positivity

[mecachrome]

very selfishly would love more of ur thoughts on oscar accommodating and mirroring lando.... as an insane landoheadTM ive been watching lando slowly match oscar's energy in the past year and its been driving me insane and ur SO right that oscars done the same thing!! kind of crazy kind of losing my mind would love to get more thoughts out of u

!!!!!!!!! hi kira i would LOVE 2 talk about this. also this answer may or may not be 2k words long

god there are so many Angles and Frameworks and Contexts through which it is possible to examine 814's dynamic that i constantly feel unhinged about it. and probably sound unhinged as well…… pls note that all of this is pure insanity from my insaneperson brain ⚠️ ;__; ok where to begin.

to me the thing about 814 mirroring each other is that in reality it's actually a metaphor for many different things ❗️ on one hand you can interpret it Literally as in a strictly physical sense—the idea of mirroring someone as running parallel and positioning yourself firmly opposite each other, as constructing intricate rituals in order to NOT touch the skin of other men, being so specifically magnetically repulsed that any contact is accidental and fleeting and causes you to spring away as quickly as you'd met. but then there is also the other sense of mirroring that is….. more amorphous and conceptual, e.g. how oscar has in many ways indirectly orbited lando his entire career and how although they've only been teammates for a year now lando has technically been a primary reference point of his throughout a majority of his teens. AND what i think is so interesting about that too is that if you look back at oscar's Evolution As A Person, you could argue that he's been purely Himself As He Is Now for a very long time... yes there've been minute fluctuations in maturity and just general cringeness and muscle growth and cheek fat etc. etc. but at least outwardly in how he communicates with other people and displays his mentality / innate habits / mannerisms he's basically been his fully realized adult self since he was like 17??? which obviously cannot be said of lando norris who has grown massively in appearance and perspective and assuredness and so on from the ages of 17 to 21 to 24. yet this constantly evolving & changing your_choice_of_lorde_album Growing Pains lando has always been a sort of distant static fixed point in the future of oscar's mind… hmmm. that's just part of it tho

basically 814 as they are now are sooo fascinating to me because again They Do Not (Consciously) Touch but they've still very gradually managed to build off the foundations of oscar's subconscious teenage mirroring by turning it into something… well perhaps not quite fully intentional (and isn't that almost better in the end!!!) but certainly more self-aware and generally conscious. basically: the Negative Space of landoscar's demonstrated "affection" is where their reciprocity lies! if that makes sense.

and i guess what i'm trying to get at is that… on surface level, it's easy to say that 1) Oscar has always only ever been himself (generally true) and that 2) As the guy who came into f1 at 19 and was continuously expected to meet his more extroverted teammates' energies lando is the one who's habituated to experiencing marked change (also fairly true), but this still obfuscates equally important facets of their personalities: i.e. that oscar may be the more ~intellectually~ inclined of the two (which also who Cares. completely totally off-topic LOL but personal pet peeve of mine is people acting like there is a discernible difference between a-level maths and whatever private tutoring lando did after dropping out when their job title is lichrally F1 Driver…?! both are negligible fractions of fractions of whatever postgrad coursework the team's Actual engineers have done!!! but anyway), my personal argument is that really oscar is so consistently himself BY having zero concept of himself. whereas lando….. actually does possess a very strong inner character and intense, at times destabilizing self-awareness but also boasts a higher eq that enables a very high capability for social camouflage.

……????????? this is like a 10-paragraph intro. What am i getting at.

so basically. Yes. mutual accommodation……. i think my main point is that despite lando's strong baseline character and idiosyncrasies and particularities and fussiness and general weirdness, He Can, when necessitated, (as long as it doesn't completely contradict his moral impulse etc. etc.) soften that edge and adapt to another person's expectations—Even if just to maintain bearable social rapport & conversation. whereas on the other hand oscar can sometimes actually be a lot more malleable because he doesn't really hold strong conviction in much outside the few non-negotiables in his life ??? (read: racing...) like yes he's still competitive in challenges and is pedantic as shit but also he kind of just Doesn't care……. so basically he's the perfect fit for lando. because he DOESN'T expect anything from lando and lando DOESN'T need to camouflage himself for oscar and because oscar interprets things straight-forwardly and at face value and reads lando's intentions in good faith and honestly probably like 30% of lando's overthinking is a result of people constantly assuming the worst of him so i think on some level it's like 👉 👈 when you're both a little weird and also weird in these little different ways but in the end those minute shifts are what make you compatible and fit you back together again ?!?!?!? as i said it's the negative space of it all.

so really landoscar are not totally "opposites attract" but they're also not identical "mctwins" or whatever because Nuance and Secret Third Thing and what's truly critical about their mirroring is basically that 1) they don't EXPECT the other person to do it 2) they don't INTENTIONALLY do it and 3) it only happens because they're intensely aware of the other person's personality and mannerisms and appearances... bref IT'S ABOUT THE CATALOGUING!! like lando saw oscar in 2023 for the first time and immediately went oh you've gotten taller? oh you have big arms now? and they can't help pointing out each other's hair and ALSO >portrait painting (gets ko'd) "do you like purple?" "...uhhhh i can do now" like WHO SAYS THAT? ANDDDDD this was after oscar had picked purple to begin with but lando was like Nooo you can't do that :/ so oscar changed even though he'd argued that he'd "already committed to it" literal moments prior. Many such cases (i'm not finding a chair anyone?). they make me feel insane.

right let me just finish up with a few more moments (if you're still reading i'm sorry) but Vocabgifset is kind of a rough overview of how, at the very beginning, i think oscar did come in with a very undefined approach to How To Be A Teammate ? and was ready to treat lando as he'd treated rob and logan and fred and whomever and maybe even reflecting the atmosphere as reserve at alpine a little bit idk—essentially more visibly abrasive and pedantic and generally annoying. Also (ahem) perhaps how he'd seen lando act around carlos and daniel before... Guy who has carlando tweets in his twitter likes. 😔

but of course lando REALLYYY doesn't like being unnecessarily corrected over ultimately inconsequential things and again his demeanor is far from bombastic when it hasn't been demanded of him, so i think oscar quickly recognized that in his character and learned to just play along with what lando liked and wanted—not because he was preoccupied with lando getting annoyed at him or thought that lando was sensitive or whatever and not because he himself is a pushover because of course there is a healthy & endearing amount of push/pull to their dynamic but just because he sincerely respects lando and with that respect understood that he didn't need to "force" their dynamic when it would prosper by just being himself and more importantly letting lando be himself……….. Or something.

which imo is basically the basis of their current communication style: a lot of wordless meaningful looks & expressions (because they're both entirely honest people in different ways) (SEE: VIRGIN RADIO UK) (the thing Is that lando has no verbal filter but oscar is the one with 0 control of his expressions and deeply revealing permablush), oscar always folding to whatever lando says in an interview, jumping into frame and following along lando's message in the british f4 anniversary video, listening to lando's music through the walls of their driver rooms, and of course any instance of their Soft Talking Voices such as → "yeahhh you're up there" "aww (genuinely a little pleased and flustered)" and CAT 5 behind the scenes smoothie convo and oscar patiently waiting for lando to finish speaking and not wanting to enforce his presence but always being there and ready to help him….. like the worst part 2 me of the "well-represented" video is that andrea turns to lando first and tries to help him but lando is Still processing and Not listening so THEN he looks at oscar to be like um i don't know the word and that's when andrea looks back at oscar expectantly 🥲😭😩!!!!!!!! what if i dyed. honestly. the category is truly just oscar being susceptible to Lando Norris…………… i could go on.

also >RANDOM MOMENT TOTALLY NOT IMPORTANT but the yes/no challenge is so devastating on every conceivable level and yet One thing that i do not think is discussed enough! is the way oscar physically leans into lando's space on the table every time it's his turn to answer the questions and Specifically how in round 1 the media people were trying to get his attention to tell him to put the mic pack into his pocket but he was soooooooooo focused and fixated on lando's face right up until lando turned to speak to the camera that he didn't notice for like 3 minutes. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. argh. the problem with oscar is that he's SINCERE. truly. "are you ready oscar piastri?" [zero hesitation whatsoever] "i am ready lando norris 🥰"

of course it's not like oscar doesn't introspect whatsoever because obviously he is very capable of self-assessing when something is important by an objective measure of success (aka recognizing deficits over a lap), but relative to lando's specific brand of overthinking & online lurking habits then oscar very much does.... basically underthink??? yes he overcomplicates simple ideas by being too literal but really as a person & conscious being he's great at living in the Present and filtering out excess noise. er... i won't delve too much into the ojp Learned Behaviors of it all and why he's so charming to older people specifically but basically Wwyd if an F1 driver microdosed autisticswag? joking. mostly. but i def agree re: your tags that oscar is never actually consciously trying to be a WELL AKSHUALLY guy because it's just fundamental expressive compulsion alkdsfhaldfh.

also specifically one of my favorite tiny little 814 things OAT is when lando says something unexpected or ridiculous and oscar parrots it back all high-pitched and breathily and disbelievingly like? Girl. this is super jank but perhaps you understand....... 😔

in the end it's getting asked >what have you picked up from lando and oscar saying Well everyone hmmms but not in the Special Multifaceted Uniquely Expressive way that Lando does ! whom I not only know well enough to intimately recognize this mannerism from but have also elected to mention multiple times in this interview. and at the end of the day...? maybe that's romanze

is this anything… idk. also i offer you the jankiest gif ever because i had to remove zbrown to fit them together (Which perhaps is also a metaphor for reaching each other Across The Distance NO PHYSICALITY REQUIRED!! ok i can't just keep saying see: [another random ass example] so i'll stop now but also see: eyebrow raise knowing smile at the end of the sim city video.) anyway why's this such another crasyinsane little moment of how they communicate with each other?! is it just me ?????????

alskfhsfd ok i'm so sorry. thank u for letting me ramble incessantly 🧡

#ask

[fandangotales]

Venti and the “Hatsune Miku”

Summary: You tell Venti about a singer named Hatsune Miku <3

Warnings: None, pure fluff with a hint of crack! <3

Reader is GN! <3

It was a warm day, the soft rays of sun caressing the grass blades on Starsnatch Cliff. You and Venti were currently having a picnic, relaxing on top of the plaid blanket beneath you.

You both were eating various snacks, casually talking about random of subjects.

“Say, Divine One…” Venti trawled, picking up an apple slice from a plate, “What’s your favorite song?”

You had just stuffed a large portion of food in your mouth, so you motioned for him to give you a second to respond. He didn’t seem to notice though, as he continued to speak.

“I wonder… would it be a song from Teyvat, or a song from your old world? Would I know it? Well probably, since I kinda know all songs.”

He giggled to himself, seeing the questioning expression in your face.

Your cheeks were stuffed with dessert, and it looked quite amusing as you tried to chew your food faster.

Finally, you swallowed. You rolled your eyes, responding to his laughter.

“My favorite song would probably be World is Mine”. You said, after some consideration.

“I would always listen to it back when I was younger, and it just really stuck around for me as a comfort song.”

Venti put a hand on his chin, looking off into the distance as if he was pretending to be some wise philosopher.

“Ah, one is most unfamiliar with the tune you speak of.” He croaked, absolutely nailing his impression of an old man. You were almost sure he was impersonating a certain funeral consultant, but you decided not to comment on that.

You choked on your drink, snorting as you laughed.

“Seriously?” You asked, jokingly raising your eyebrows. “The tone-deaf bard has never heard of World is Mine? One is quite shocked.”

“Divine One…!” He pouted, pretending to be offended.

“Could you tell me who sang that song? I might be able to recognize it from that.” He asked, leaning closer to you.

You sucked in a breath, looking wistfully off into the skyline. The sun has began to set, bringing an orange glow across your features.

“Our Queen, Hatsune Miku.” You said, placing a hand over your heart.

“Uh… Queen?” He asked, looking over at you in complete confusion.

“Luscious teal hair that flows to the ground, an angelic voice that none other could rival, the keeper of the leeks… Miku.”

You smiled, reminiscing about your days in middle school.

The hours spent listening to Miku and the other vocaloids, the time spent watching her music videos, seeing her change outfits for the 100th time in a song.

Truthfully, it brought the beginnings of tears to your eyes.

“D-don’t cry Your Grace!” Venti exclaimed, panicking at your state. “I’m sorry for not knowing the song…”

You grinned, looking back over in his direction. “It’s alright, don’t worry about it. I just was remembering my old life before I came here. Miku was my favorite singer of like… literally EVER. I used to adore her so much, always collecting plushies, merch, and even going to one of her concerts. That was one of the happiest days of my life.”

He looked mildly reassured by your words, but you could tell he was a little put off by your misty eyes. Another emotion was surfacing too, although you couldn’t tell what it was.

“Your Grace, would you say that she was a better singer than me? Do you love her more?” He questioned, voice quivering with vulnerability.

You laughed, before realizing how rude you probably sounded.

“I’m sorry…” you wheezed, “I guess I forgot to tell you that Miku wasn’t a real person. And, of course, I could never love her the same way as I do you.”

Venti’s cheeks darkened, staying silent before his curiosity got the best of him.

“She wasn’t real? How did that work? How did she sing? What did her voice sound like?” He said, bombarding you with questions.

You groaned, not wanting to explain the whole context of vocaloids. It would probably take at least an hour for him to fully understand, and the sun was nearly set.

You glanced at him, before asking, “Would you like me to teach you the song? Explaining would take awhile, and I’d love to share World is Mine with you before our picnic has to come to an end.”

His eyes widened, no doubt about to hastily agree to your proposition.

You decided to just start, after a particularly large inhale.

“SEKAIIIIII DEIIIII-“

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