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jjngkook7 · 1 month

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Choices (6)

Werewolf Au! Jungkook x Reader / Enemies to Lovers [Angst and mature content. Not smut but almost smut.]

Summary: Jungkook finally found her. His mate. His lifelong partner. But she’s a human. Does he have to stay with her or can he stick it to whatever and whoever binds mates together and make his own decision? ***THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE. I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE YOU WAIT THIS LONG AGAIN***

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

You rang in the new year with some coworkers. The night was a blur of lights, laughter and music. Despite being a lightweight, you didn’t get as drunk as you thought, in fact, you were barely tipsy. It was hard to have fun when your reality didn’t even feel real. You had all the ingredients to drink your heart out: you met who was supposed to be your soulmate, you find out that mythical creatures are real and your best friend in the whole world has been hiding all of this from you for a year. To add more salt to the wound, Jennie spent Christmas and New Years with the pack. Sad wasn’t quite the right word for how you felt, maybe confused or disoriented? You had been in a haze since the last time you saw everyone trying to figure out if the past weeks were real or not.

After Jungkook dropped you back off at the cabin, Namjoon decided that you should leave for your safety. Apparently having someone as unpredictable as Jungkook free from his chains while his mate was hanging out with other men was not a good idea even after you told Namjoon that Jungkook actually saved your life. Namjoon took you home that night and advised you to keep your distance for a while. He seemed sad when he dropped you off and truth be told, you were kind of sad too. You had a fondness for Namjoon because he was the one that made you feel sane and safe throughout this whole journey. You would miss your friendship with him and everyone else.

Your phone pinged, reeling you out of your thoughts. You thew it towards the edge of your bed when you saw that it was just one of those annoying marketing texts. Your eyes then glided towards the Christmas card on your nightstand as it did almost everyday; it was the one artifact you had proving that everything you went through was real. Everyone from the pack had signed the card, all except for one. You reached for the card and ran your fingertips over the glitter covered snowman on the front page. I wonder how he’s doing. Embarrassed didn’t even begin to explain how you felt. You felt like a fool, an actual idiot for still wondering about Jungkook’s wellbeing when he couldn’t even write his name on a stupid Christmas card for you-he probably laughed when Namjoon asked him to contribute. With one last read through of the card, you placed it under your bed and made never thinking about Jungkook again as your new year’s resolution.

__________________________________

Maybe because there was no one to talk to about your new year’s resolution in full but getting over Jungkook was pretty easy. You hadn’t spoken to anyone in the pack in over a month and the memories of them become less and less clear by the day. Was it Jin that helped you with your injuries or Yoongi? Was it Namjoon that drove you home or did Hoseok tag along also? And did you actually feel sparks when Jungkook touched you or was it just your imagination? Either way, it felt good to feel less crazy. It was only when you and Jennie hung out that everything would hit you like a freight train. Seeing her was bittersweet. You were so happy to spend time with your best friend despite your guys’ schedule but you couldn’t help this building of resentment in your chest at the same time. Anger and guilt gnawed at you so raw that replying to her texts took hours to do. Luckily, both of you were so busy with work that seeing each other was few and far between.

One thing you had a really hard time forgetting was the night you had to leave. After Jungkook asked you to wait, you sat by his side and watched him catch his breath. It was hard seeing someone in so much pain despite the lack of physical wounds. Once Jungkook seemed to have a grip on himself, he told you to sit as far away from him as possible while he sat on the other side of the cabin. You remembered feeling like you were naked under his red gaze, like he could see every single movement you made. Jungkook told you that it wasn’t safe for you to leave yet and that you had to wait for a little bit. Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook couldn’t have you leave just yet. A wolf in the midst of his heat finally meeting his mate after being kept away from them was like a ticking time bomb. Jungkook needed to engulf your scent and calm his mind before letting you go back to a cabin full of fully grown men. He was surprised that you complied and that you kept your composure. Sure, he noticed your trembling hands and shortness of breath but you kept calm and collected. Jungkook needed to direct his attention to something else-anything- and so the small talk began. It started off with what you did for work and ended with Jungkook shit talking his pack mates. When Jungkook felt sane enough, he insisted he carry you home to be safe. You remember flinching when a low growl escaped from Jungkook when you hooked your arms around his neck. You felt his body shake as you wrapped your legs around his waist. It took a minute before he was able to hoist you up and get going. You remembered him being gentle and asking if you were all right the whole way back to the cabin. You remembered him letting you down a couple meters in front of the cabin because Namjoon would’ve killed him if he saw Jungkook and you together.

“Are you going to be okay?” you asked.

Jungkook offered you a nod, his bright red eyes doing the soft smile on his face an injustice. Perhaps it was the darkness playing tricks on your eyesight but Jungkook looked bigger. His muscles were more toned, his hair was thicker and his overall aura was just larger. You felt embarrassed drooling over his physique like some school girl despite almost dying a couple hours ago. Namjoon’s voice from inside the cabin redirected your guys’ attention and you suddenly remembered that it was below freezing outside.

“I-I’m going to go inside now,” you reached out your hand to give Jungkook’s arm a reassuring squeeze but retracted remembering how much he ordered you to not touch him, “goodnight.”

To your surprise, Jungkook reached out instead and caressed your face with both his hands. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch pathetically. Jungkook left out an exhale of both relief and frustration. Every ounce of control he had was quickly slipping through his fingers. He was teetering towards the edge of danger with you right now. You opened your eyes to see Jungkook watching you but not like he did before. Just a couple of hours ago, you felt like a prey under his gaze. This time, he was looking at you like how Taehyung looked at Jennie.

“Do me a favor?” he asked, his voice almost hoarse.

You nodded and scrunched your eyebrows. What could you possibly do for him? Jungkook felt his stomach drop knowing what he was going to ask of you. The warmth that happened when you guys touched intensified as Jungkook brought your body closer to his. He knew he only had a couple minutes to relish your touch before his heat and his reality would take over again.

“I need you to forget about this night,” he finally said. Although subtle, he felt your pressure lift from his hands. “I need you to forget about me, about my pack, about everything. Make it like I never even existed, and I’ll do the same. Trust me, it’s for the best.”

As cruel as his words already were, Jungkook then sealed it by pressing his lips against yours. You couldn’t help but gasp which, he happily swallowed. A surge of electricity pulsed through you as he deepened the kiss. The heat from his body immediately making you forget how cold it was. As gentle as he was, you remembered his body began to tremble and the slight sting against your bottom lip when his fangs unsheathed.

And that was all you wanted to remember. Perhaps you were a masochist. Of all the memories you chose to forget, you just couldn’t let go of this particular one; no one ever really completes their new year’s resolution anyways. You knew you would never get an answer but it didn’t matter anymore. Every time Jennie saw you, she'd try to ask about Jungkook but you would either change the subject or give her vague answers. You didn't want to know more than you already did.

“Goodnight, Sooyoung!” you chimed.

“Goodnight,” Sooyoung replied with a sympathetic smile, “you should leave soon.”

“I will!” you lied, “see you tomorrow morning.”

Sooyoung hovered by your desk for a few more seconds before heading towards the elevator. It was common for you to stay after work but not for this long. You waved at Sooyoung until the elevator doors finally closed. When you were certain that there was no one else in the office, you closed the document you were pretending to work on and slumped against your chair. A tired sigh left your mouth as you roughly ran your hands against your face. Just as you were accepting your new reality, the past week and a half had you re-questioning your sanity. Being at home recently felt eerie. You were constantly checking over your shoulder and hesitant to sleep with your bedroom door closed. The nightmares you were having didn’t help either. Night after night, you would see the same things in your dream: rogue wolves chasing you and a Jungkook bleeding out to top it off. You’d jolt awake in the middle of the night and could only fall back asleep after taking melatonin. With the nightmares being a daily occurrence, the melatonin had stopped taking effect and you were left trying to calm your racing heart on your own. To your disdain, the only place you felt safe was at work. Your office was high up on the 25th floor and security here was pretty strict. You concluded that your paranoia was from these nightmares but those moments when you felt like someone was watching you felt too real to blame on lack of sleep. You put your head down against your desk and stared at the time displayed on your computer. It was nearing 7:45 and you promised yourself that you’d leave at 8pm. As the minutes ticked by, you tried to come up with some sort of game plan to combat another inevitable sleepless night.

____________________________________

“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouted as he kicked over a half conscious rogue towards Jungkook.

Jungkook caught it mid air and slammed it down onto the ground before ripping its head off. With that being the last rogue, Jungkook and pack were able to finally catch their breath as they examined the graveyard of torn limbs by their feet.

“Where the fuck are they coming from?” Hoseok panted.

Namjoons eyes wavered as he studied the carcasses on the ground. He had no answer for Hoseok. Rogue wolves attack here and there but never had he seen such great numbers. Their appearance usually coincided with the phases of the moon but recently, their attacks had been random and in hoards. He did notice that they foolishly always went for Jungkook first. As strong as Jungkook was, he was not invincible. Namjoon had also taken note of how haggard and tired his pack was from fighting almost everyday. If they didn't find an answer anytime soon, he feared that he would lose a pack member.

Everyone turned their head towards the trees when they heard a branch snap. In the distance, Jungkook caught a flash of white teeth and familiar pitch black eyes.

“I got it!” Jungkook shouted, before running after the rogue.

He was fucking exhausted. He really hoped that this was the last one because he was losing strength and fast. These recent attacks only fuelled his anger because if he had mated with someone of his species, he would’ve tripled in strength by now.

A yelp emitted from the rogue when Jungkook finally caught up and grabbed its legs. Jungkook swung the rogue against a tree, breaking its ribs in the process. As the creature whimpered against the ground, Jungkook winced when he saw that it was laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook sneered, angry that it was still breathing.

The creature seemed to be mumbling a familiar word over and over again but Jungkook couldn’t figure out what it was saying. Another yelp came out from the rogue as Jungkook kicked its face in. He crouched down and grabbed the creature by its scruff.

“Speak up!” He demanded.

Despite his impressive experience fighting rogues, Jungkook still had a hard time getting used to the disturbing ways these creatures moved and laughed even though they were near death. This rogue had its jaw kicked in and its tongue was hanging out due to the lack of the bottom half of its face. The grip Jungkook had on it tightened when it continued mumbling. Just as he was about to lose his patience trying to unscramble the creatures jargon, Jungkook finally put together what it was mumbling. The rogue seemed to notice the shift in Jungkook’s eyes and laughed even louder.

“I bet she’d taste so good too.” were its last words before Jungkook ripped out its heart.

Jungkook had to get back to Namjoon and let him know what happened.

It was mumbling your name this whole time.

The living room was quiet as the pack tended to their wounds. Jin went around ensuring that everyone was treating their injuries correctly even if it was just a little scratch.

"You need to clean it." Jin sighed, looking at the deep cut on Jungkook's forearm. The cut was his own fault. As Jungkook was ripping the rogues heart out, his arm got caught in the creatures ribs and it carved his arm as he was pulling it out of its chest.

"Just leave it, Jin." Jungkook grumbled, swatting Jin's worried hands away.

Namjoon and Jin exchanged glances, both annoyed and worried about the youngest member but Namjoon didn't have time to adhere to Jungkook's attitude. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt but who knew when the rogues would come back to attack again.

"So," Yoongi said, sucking his teeth in the process, "anyone here knows what they want?"

Jungkook wanted to hear his members theories before jumping the gun because maybe the rogue was toying with Jungkook or maybe it wasn't even saying your name at all. The silence that followed confirmed Jungkook's fear. No matter what Jungkook did, he just couldn't seem to get away from you. All eyes were on Jungkook when he suddenly cursed.

"They're after her." Jungkook said, his fingers pinching his nose bridge.

"Who?" Jimin asked.

"His mate." Taehyung's grin only grew when Jungkook glared at him.

Amidst Jimin's surprise and the symphony of swear words thrown back and forth between the members, Namjoon felt his heart sink as a wave of deja vu hit him. The younger one failed to notice the sadness in the leaders eyes as he berated his pack mates who were teasing him with swear words.

"They're not after her," Namjoon finally spoke, breaking the fight, "Jungkook, they're after you and then her. They know that you'd go after them if they kill her before you mark her. They're after you first to get you out of the picture. As long as she's unmated, they're going to keep coming."

Namjoon felt a lump grow in his throat as realization washed over each member. All eyes slowly turned towards Jungkook who had his fists balled up. The pressure from his fists made his blood seep out from the cut on his forearm. Why did he have to deal with this? How come you were still intertwined with him despite being away for over a month? What did he have to fucking do to get rid of you for good?

"T-this could be different, Namjoon." Jungkook stammered, his mind moving too quick for his mouth to catch up.

"Jungkook listen to me," Namjoon said picking his words carefully as he approached Jungkook, "only you can stop this. We can't fend them off forever."

Jungkook grit his teeth and felt his breath labour. This wasn't fair. He didn't choose this and it seemed like life wasn't planning on giving him too many options either. Jungkook began to replay the conversation he had with Namjoon after he first discovered you. The blood from Jungkook's cut was now staining his pants as he remembered what Namjoon said about how strong humans were. What a fucking joke.

"I am stopping this! Who here in this room has killed more rogues than me? Huh? Who?!" Jungkook bursted.

Jungkook's brown eyes had now turned into a dark red shade.

"Killing them one will send ten. Killing ten will send a hundred. Killing a hundred will send a thousand. You have the responsibility to save her life," Namjoon argued tiredly, "look at your brothers. Look at you! We are not immortal, Jungkook."

Jungkook jumped up from his seat and grabbed his hair. His ears were now ringing. His responsibility?! He hadn't even marked you yet, why were you now his responsibility? He couldn't help but laugh aloud by how absurd everything and everyone was sounding. You had stolen what seemed like everything away from him-his freedom, his bodily functions and now even his morals. You kept taking from him and now you were his responsibility?

"Jungkook please," Jin pleaded, "can you please put your own ego aside and make a good choice for once in your life?"

Jungkook turned towards Jin and snarled, "Remind me who saved your fucking life just 20 minutes ago? If I hadn't ran to you in time, you would've been shredd-"

"Enough!" Namjoon yelled, "Whether you like it or not, her life is in your hand-"

"I will not be responsible for her death like you were for Irene!"

Within a second, Jungkook was slammed against the wall. His right cheek was throbbing and his nose bloodied. He wasn't sure if he had finished his sentence but the right hook from Namjoon answered that question for him. Before Jungkook could orient himself, Namjoon grabbed Jungkook by the neck and trapped him against the wall again.

"You will never utter her name in that context again do you understand?" Namjoon asked through gritted teeth.

Jungkook licked his lower lip, the taste of his own blood filling his mouth as he did.

"Do you understand?!" Namjoon bellowed, shaking Jungkook.

"Y-yes." Jungkook finally answered.

The older one finally let go but not without giving Jungkook one final shove.

"Have a better attitude tomorrow morning or you fend for yourself from now on." Namjoon threatened before disappearing into his study.

Jungkook kept his eyes on the floor as his members stood around staring at him. Jungkook could only count on one hand how many times he felt ashamed in life, he would now have to count on two hands after tonight. His members didn't say a word to him as they retreated back to their rooms one by one. Taehyung lingered for a little bit longer. He wanted to ring Jungkook out but decided to leave him to sulk all alone. Jungkook watched his blood drip from his nose onto his sweater. Would dying by some disgusting creatures be better than surrendering to fate? One thing was for sure, Jungkook would rather die with his brothers than alone. He turned his head towards the end of the hallway where Namjoon's study was. The searing pain from his broken nose was nothing compared to what he just said to Namjoon.

Namjoon had his head buried in his hands as Jungkook's words echoed in his mind. It had been years since Irene's death but it still pained him like it happened yesterday. He knew the younger one was speaking out of anger but if he only knew how much Namjoon did blame himself.

"You know, I couldn't even mourn her after she died. I think I finally did after three months." Namjoon spoke.

Jungkook figured it was probably the smell from all his blood that alerted Namjoon to his presence. He cautiously walked towards Namjoon and sat in front of him.

"Her death was the first out of the two times I ever regretted taking leadership of our pack." Namjoon continued, looking up to meet the younger ones sad gaze.

"And the second?" Jungkook asked, his voice barely audible.

"Tonight." Namjoon replied.

Jungkook let the uncomfortable silence engulf him. He stared at the picture of Irene resting on the bookshelf behind Namjoon and felt remorse like he had never before. Irene was Namjoon's mate. For years, Namjoon refused to mark her not because he didn't want to-because he did-but because he was afraid of bringing Irene in his world. He thought the best way to protect her was to keep her away. Jungkook had never seen someone love another person the way Namjoon loved Irene. He doted on her and gave her anything she ever wanted, everything except for one. Irene had begged and begged Namjoon to make her his official mate but he always rejected her advances. By the time Namjoon decided to turn a new leaf, it was too late. If Namjoon had marked her, he would've been stronger and maybe could've fought off the pack of rogues. That day, Jungkook and the pack were out hunting. When they came back, the cabin they had built had been ripped apart. The image of Namjoon carrying Irene's bloody body in his arms as he wept and called out her name was forever imprinted in Jungkook's brain. Namjoon's physical state was no better and if they hadn't returned when they did, they would've lost their leader too. Irene was one of the strongest people Jungkook knew. She was brave, unwavering and quick witted. Before Jin met Mina, it was Irene nursing everyone back to health after a fight and braving the forest to find medicine. Irene was strong and she was human.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said and I shouldn't have said that," Jungkook apologized tearing his eyes away from Irene, "I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Namjoon smiled. Although brash and somewhat arrogant, Jungkook always meant well at the end of the day. He couldn't even count how many brawls Jungkook got into because someone slightly badmouthed a member of the pack.

"Please, your life will probably end in the next few minutes with the amount of blood you're losing. Just let me punch the other side of your face and we can call it even." Namjoon joked.

Jungkook scoffed and wiped his nose. He really was losing a lot of blood.

"Jungkook, I couldn't save Irene but you have a chance here. Learning to love someone...don't you think that's better than losing someone," Namjoon wanted to laugh when he saw Jungkook flinch at the word 'love', "and if you can't do it for her, do it for me. For Irene."

Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat, "I-I don't know if I can mark her right away, you have to give me some time."

Namjoon nodded understandingly.

"But I promise," Jungkook sucked in a breath, "I'll protect her with my life."

#bts fanfic #jungkook werewolf #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts werewolf au #bts smut #bts #jungkook smut #jungkook #yoongi #jimin #namjoon #taehyung #hoseok #jin #bts x reader #jungkook werewolf au #choices

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whumped-by-glitter · 28 days

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WOW's Birthday Event Day 3: Crying / Parting Words Regret / “Why…"

⚠️ No CWs today I don't think. Also, I ran out of generic names..... sooo, Claudio 🤣

Day 2 Here < > Day 4 here

Youngest team member took the video harder than Leader expected. He had been prepared for Caretaker’s reaction, but not Youngest’s. Holding the sobbing youngest in their arms right now made Leader realize just how young they were, how innocent.

It was an easy fact to forget sometimes, despite their childish antics. Youngest would fight fiercely right along side the rest of them. Their superhuman speed was an asset to their team, as was their optimism and quick wit. However, seeing them now reminded him they were still just a child underneath everything.

Youngest finally pulled away from Leader after some time of crying. Their eyes were glassy from tears, but brighter.

“I’m going to rescue Whumpee,” the 19-year-old announced resolutely.

“You absolutely will not!” Leader exclaimed. “I miss them too, but we cannot risk going in ill prepared. This man is a cartel arms dealer.” Youngest was naive and reckless for even suggesting it.

“So, what? You’ll just abandon Whumpee? Let them die?” Youngest argued, incredulous at Leader’s hesitation.

“That is not what I’m saying and you know it!” Leader growled, anger stirring at the boy’s accusation. The guilt was eating him alive as is.

“Then why?! Why won’t you let me go?! I’m fast, I can be in and out!” Youngest was confident they could do it.

“you were there that day, Youngest! Breaking into that place was a failure for all of us combined! Don’t be an idiot!” Leader yelled, “I forbid you from going and that’s final!” Leader was starting to lose their temper. Youngest was reckless, naive and he could now add overconfident to the list too.

Youngest shook their head “I refuse to follow your orders this time Leader. I can’t, I won’t.”

“If you leave and something happens to you, I will not waste the manpower to come after you!” Leader practically screamed, finally snapping. He instantly regretted the words as they left his mouth. The pressure of the failed mission, now Whumpee, was too much.

“It’s your fault Whumpee is gone in the first place!” Youngest bit back before storming out. Leaving Leader sitting alone in silence and guilt.

---

Youngest stormed to their room and started packing their mission bag. They would rescue whumpee with or without Leaders blessing, thy resolved in their head.

Once packed Youngest snuck out of the window and into the inky night. From there they started sprinting, if Youngest calculated it correctly they would be at Whumpee’s last known location by morning.

---

Leader sat alone, stunned, Youngest’s words felt like a sharp slap in the face. It was his fault, he was supposed to look after Whumpee. In hindsight whumpee shouldn’t have even been on that mission, their powers had not come in fully yet. Leader had been too obsessed with throwing everything into taking out the weapons dealer, Claudio, he ignored the fact that Whumpee should have been benched to easier missions to awaken their abilities.

Quiet tears fell down Leader’s face. He thought about the letter and the flash drive. Now that he was past the shock he could fully process the events of that morning.

Something did not add up. That, what they had just seen, was not Claudio’s style. The man was ruthless, sadistic, and cruel, but that, that back there, that was deranged. As he turned it over in his head more Leader came to the slow horrible realization, Claudio did not have Whumpee, someone else did…..

---

Youngest made it to the edge of Claudio’s compound by morning, as they had predicted. They proceeded to sneak around the fence, trying to stay out view of cameras, trying to find a way in. Finally the found a gap under the tarpped, barbed wire topped chain-link fence that looked big enough to squeeze their wiry frame through.

Youngest scanned the area one more time to check for cameras. When they were certain it was clear they put on all the gear they thought they would need. They elected to leave their bulky mission bag hidden for later retrieval. With another glance around they began to push their way under the fence.

The 19-year-old just pushed their arms through when they felt cold metal snap around their left wrist. They tried to immediately pull back, but was too late. Whoever was on the other side grabbed them and pulled them the rest of the way through. In the process a of Youngest being dragged under the fence a hood was put on over their head as soon as it was on the other side.

Once through Youngest’s arms were wrenched behind their back and the other cuff snapped onto their right wrist. They could also feel shackles being placed on their ankles, preventing them from running.

In the moment Youngest should have felt panic and terror, but strangely, all they could feel is immense regret. They replayed their final words to Leader, they were awful. Now exactly what Leader warned them would happen, happened.

‘Why had I been so stupid? Why hadn’t I listened?’ the thought played in Youngest’s head like a broken record. Then it hit them like a punch to the gut, ‘will the team even come rescue me?’ Leader’s words rang through their head, louder than a gunshot.

---

Leader decided to check on Youngest that morning. He felt bad about the things he had said, and wanted to make sure the boy was okay. He knew that Youngest likely didn’t mean the things they said either. They were all just highly emotional and stressed over Whumpee.

He knocked on Youngest’s door, there was no answer. Leader knocked again, louder, there was still no answer. Panic grew in Leaders chest and he began to pound.

“Youngest!” he boomed out, the name tearing out of his chest. “Youngest!” When there was still no answer, his gut twisted.

Leader busted the door. As he was terrified that he would discover, Youngest was gone. Leader Collapsed to the floor, his trademark stoicism, completely gone.

“Not you too! No! Why?” He cried out loud.

Leader sobbed, washed with regret and guilt.

@whumperofworlds

Event Prompts Here

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#wow birthday whump day 3 #wow birthday whump #whump writing #whump community

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bunysliper · 10 months

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Castle Ficlet: Stay This Simple 1/1

Stay This Simple

"You know, for someone who never turns down an opportunity to celebrate something, you're awfully sedate today."

A soft chuckle falls from his lips. When she'd joined him outside a few minutes ago, he'd been expecting to hear an admonishment for letting Lily run wild in the yard so early on. "Am I?"

Kate tilts her head, eying him carefully. "Well, I have to admit that past experiences have taught me to expect sparklers and a marching band as soon as I open my eyes, but I guess I can appreciate the fact that you've allowed us to have coffee and wake up first."

Rick grins, lifting his coffee mug to his mouth. She's not wrong about that much, he has a reputation for rather enthusiastic wake-up calls. Today, though, with the boys finally sleeping through the night, he'd awoken feeling rather calm. Contemplative.

"What can I say? I'm here to surprise and amaze you."

She hums, looping her arm through his and resting her cheek on his shoulder.

"Well, you are good at that."

"Mommy, hi!"

Kate smiles, waving to Lily. "Hi, baby. You're up so early today."

"Uh huh! S'firewowk day!"

Castle chuckles. "Later, Sprout. No fireworks right now."

Lily takes that in stride, skipping around the yard in a large circle. They watch as she attempts a cartwheel, tumbling indelicately into the grass. She doesn't seem upset, though, she simply turns her attention to doing somersaults, popping up after half a dozen and holding her arms out in triumph.

"Tadaa."

"Tadaa," they echo. Kate sips her coffee quickly, putting the mug to the side and holding out her arms.

"Come see me, Little Flower. I have something inside that I think you'll like."

Lily practically thunders up the steps to the deck, skidding to a stop in front of them.

"Whassit?"

Kate grins, tapping her index finger against Lily's nose. "Stay right there, I'll get it."

Lily nods, climbing onto Rick's leg when her mother disappears into the house. She settles in before reaching for his mug.

"Mooch," he teases. He allows her to take a small sip, though, knowing there's more cream than coffee left in this cup anyway.

"Uh huh."

Kate returns a moment later, lifting an eyebrow at the picture they make, sharing a coffee cup.

"It's mostly gone," he murmurs.

"S'yummy!" Lily adds, though whether it's a helpful thing to say, he's not entirely sure.

His wife lets it go, choosing instead to settle back on the chair with them, holding out her treasure to their daughter.

A set of red, white, and blue pinwheels.

"I saw these at the store yesterday and I thought you would have fun with them," she says, kissing Lily's cheek.

Lily beams, taking them both. She blows on them, getting them moving as quickly as they can. "S'wheels!"

"That's right."

"I lub them."

Rick hides a laugh in his arms. She sounds so serious.

"I'm glad, baby. Now, I bet you can run so fast you'll get them spinning. Can you try that?"

Lily nods, resolute. She hops down with the pinwheels clamped in her fists, scrambling down the steps and back into the yard.

Kate grins, slipping under his arm and cuddling against his chest. "I thought she'd like them."

"Oh, she does." His lips touch her forehead. "Good choice."

She settles in, and together they watch their kid play with her pinwheels.

#Fluffy Friday #Caskett #Caskett Fanfic #Castle Fanfic #Castle Fanfiction #My Fanfic #Post Series Fic #Picture Prompt

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ttaffanartsfandom · 3 months

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Repost:

(December 23rd, 2023)

DA SUPERRAKOONZ !1!!1!11 HECK YEA 🦝

Introduce (myself added up bc i didn't wanna yall introduce my own oc yet if youd like to assure you it's only just a being authorized with dealing in side character all of a sudden) all of the little creatures I've made fanmade characters that I create in mini versions unfortunately the others modern versions used to be delayed but don't worry I'd just add a bunch of details, biography, paragraph script into my history or maybe some headcanons crucially however this is spoiler admire...so I hope you love my fictions or whatever YOU interesting it besides I had huge ideas about them for a theme inspiration in my head✨️(i hope i didn't forget anything)

Ehh... Let's start !!! Who knowsss

TRAVIA CANON EVENTS:

Name: Talking Ron

Main Character: Protagonist (Hero)

Capabilities Revealed:

Curing (healing) mightily Self-Healer (Regenerative Healer)

Multipontational (massive creative and interests to reserve held by educational activities when you use your psychological control power and strength and your co-ordination skills altogether to keep indeed societies from the future afterward to make a bunch of things that crucially get stronger input towards hearing yourself from worldwide passions)

Force-Field - Blocking inside his protection against his lives will fight the right choice (technological attacks can cause his past protection resolution to revolve unseriously injured in front of his control system behind his enemies as long as he doesn't suppose losing his energy without destroy Ron's life specific motion is mentally breaking down. Thus, for Uses, his controllable mindset overpowering to be managed to better flexibility with surroundings that should stay away from them with no distraction from enemies as you may have been danger) as known as "Flyrokinesis" list on kinetic.

Hacking Mastery - With his watch (automatically rare ! It is what it called "Technopathy", but different physic scientific extract from contractors' beginners are very given to many details from watching to attend to their interaction, perceive discovery(e.g., listens), watches, telepathic anybody. For some reason, it is used to be made up of circumstances like giving examples issues any speculation sometimes when it goes somewhere wherever you go till track down there will glow to leads you and gives another explanation. especially thus selection for courses on any side of equity, presumably that has multiple items inside his watch nor recent collections of submissions from amount of research that would helps your visitors to give them your acceptance once and for all !)

Psionics (legendary character does give him more powerful to those nonviolent to guarantee the world is the bestest thing you've knowledge of empower for. Whenever he gets a bunch of superpowers, such as his gem element on his tourmaline chest>under his crystal shiny made on cosmic force supernaturally strongest gemstone that requires you can glow up to became adolescent resulting in the forward when starts to feel like it restore himself into what is transformation in his rejuvenate happens his long-term life does never ever his disappears deathly wishs his luck< In the beginning of Psionics is that most likely the extreme is the highest abilities he has ever does do he got several manipulations..exactly what's about gotten too much his cleverness.

Psychokinesis (termination of his experiment to prove his true desire for complete existence can control his mind by everyone worried that witnesses attempt from past their wayside another he is willing or thinking to provide certified and focused on his influence of starting gets more inconvenient serenely damages nothing can happen to his powers are in situating. Active disapproval has nothing to do in his doubt manner. Don't get angry, frustrated, or picky to be careful yourself by making worse.)

Hydrokinesis (commonly used to known his hands to remake his imagination to separate him to compete against the water to gives his assurance of tries of strength to make a through sub-power hydration value to create some perspective to socialize your skills. The amount of his vex crisis would've might be much outrageous it came out of explodes and splashes everywhere due on demand).

Pet peeves:

Being late (awake, too late to absurd alarm but cannot hold himself into back comfortably straightforwardly possible to remember to take care himself even remotely to ensure remaining days which is also hating how to express to delayed his time however his watch needs to watch out for intend someway impropriety sincerely falling his behavior cannot be shown up to becoming more annoyed after this happens all day).

Snores (sometimes should shut their mouths, it probably gets worse to hear someone's snores during sleeping temporarily dislike the disrespect of his oversight with a bit extremely unsuccessful).

Losing things (again, maybe his memory might be lost, but reminder he powers can almost chase his passes to his stance then again the beginning of his story can be also annoying to lose every stuff what's leaving..)

Hiding from someone (it depends not to mention his manners were too accessible to reach his target towards their hidden and when it tries to annoy you for not telling what's behind here ? Instead of privacy, it'd like to make sure to save secrets and share each other, but unfortunately, it's getting started frustrating for doesn't understand his trustworthiness. Leads him don't make sense don't make him sensitive he's able to finish his reliability that should get deserved better what they staff will do spread. A rare to prevent the "obscure, not uncertainty"? The minimum offer is not just for constant attention because of the complaints that who bothers them who never believes Ron's thinks that is the case could never underestimate, such like mysterious threat. His responsible are always totally trusted with effective feelings because otherwise to shouldn't been said about bad about left behind his unserious, somehow he super annoyed the fact ignores you doesn't affect your mood without telling the truth nor sticking side).

TRIVIA:

Name: Roy Rakoon

Main Character: Antagonist Anti-hero (actively)

Capabilities Revealed:

Mastermind - Supervillain can do things for evil stuff. (very clever to creating stuff, his mind to bragging the whole thing do super weaponry serialization can be dangerous to continually to outstanding intellect such a brilliant idea thinker with original ideas he recently had several crimes to make increases everyone's lives will be devastating. After his steps forward to the biggest clever, genius thoughts that really did that superior were clearly taken over town to attempt fully professional to be theft, it is possible to fought them back his sidekicks' total brutality especially his powers are too unsafe to pop up in front of others wanna be his idolize is way too powerful to those small special about him to not seem his suspicious nor got caught seems strangely to figure out to stole their life properly to such hidden burglary. Thus, he did for goodly stealing jewelries, store, money, and any of those against crimes to abandon his rights it is for antagonizing himself into supervision and ruining innocent people to all gestures could hesitate for them to not care about their feelings because his selfish reasons were supposed be act not selfishness someway the can happen whenever his owner backstabbing it moreover than that doesn't do best his choice to right things to everyone career a huge innocence not Roy's feelings constantly savages moments all of a sudden.)

Hand-to-Hand Combat: (Karate nor martial art skills indescribable the session kick-off their interaction to be more powerful than weaknesses focuses. The difference between hand to hand combat definition is that weapons sometimes include terrific tools whenever how seems to ranges from beside the phrase do not take actions theoretically terminal skills to comprehend the consequences of his control made up tricky. Technically, it's just some short-term things that would work for him. Psa: His pet naming "Helping Hand" (accomplice helper) is a robotic thing to control with one hand and has only button on it could handle the assistance of sideways to proportion each other to destroy the entire universe hasn't been overcome.)

Survival Skills: (create a built something you imagine can have that much technique to use helping others to survive themselves as for himself rest of environmental issues but helping all thing to do common sense is preventing to try to his skills to operate in any kind of container who wanna do job provides master includes fire, wood, water threshold, camping foodstuffs when it does makes him fastidious sculpture behind people wording his history tries helps by himself none of them often have somewhat to receive his reassure until by then essentially safety due built-up while thousands hours to complete this effort any detail that surely isn't that necessary when he used to learn type of basic whatever chooses.)

Hacking Skills: (create grew fast the technology success abilities takes his business and controls the devices of hardworking to make a earned maximum to built robot, machine, unlike scientific progressive access every world has been hacked out by danger however when he carefully plans crazy things like combinatorial his brutal intelligence and must've getting different from somebody's error connections that might be worth it somehow he learns to do computing complete daily through trial-and-error for became a massive negative demonstration although there's more informing the public story about how he uses self-destructive (to availability for his appear the screen from nowhere the nearest time is all over townspeople started outrageous) appearances came up on his mind by not "seldom" his destruction to manage the world will be devastated to sooner rather perishable throughout at the end of the day filled out of evidences).

Architecture - Structures Skills: (he built anything from structural engineering workout, including the houses like can superspeed understands the construction how initiative usually useful for other company's would hire his moderate approach to his powers and thinks of reasoning against blueprint to drawing and creating something "perpendicular" likely perspective gorgeous model creation that creates himself a million seconds overdue after finishes built-in too quickly nothing can change his potential ways even his pontificate are protests very right nothingness frame in front of other workforce..)

Pet peeves:

Whining or Whiners: (to be fair, he dislikes annoying brats to make him look unusual sensitive his proven that he never should ever complain about ridiculous excessive behavior and stuff cry louder at him and eliminates (fails his proper gesticulation words) to their annoyance.)

Disconnect issues: (really hate the fact that the internet connection went worse and might be extraversion (talkative) to his computation tries really hard to connect the right way to figure it out how rid of the tittle scrap thingy when's thingamajig precisely demolished the error problem with getting point in disappointment and kinda annoying how repetitive itself which is doesn't make sense whose fail his handling is game over. Suddenly..)

Slow Walkers: (beholding himself doesn't giving chance why's waiting too long in the traffic suchlike meant to be more exaggerated can't hold himself to random people is super annoying when it starting to feel like it rages the bombarding of huge boring to move on side way to consideration fact to deal with him to ran faster than slow walkers). Quote roy: "MOVE OUT OF WAY YOU DORKS I TRIED TO BACKSTREET TO NOT BE LATE LATER ON I FASTEST AS I CAN"

Getting exposing secrets: (his hidden will never escape his from caught by others to avoid the temptation called out at person to known what's behind the schemes before someone else could see his suspension after all that begins to disassociate yourself one of blames causing a troublesome exact situation to moment of Roy's exposed to the people asked him so many times, while he's starting to annoying at them because everyone though he is criminal or whatever his mansion what's inside to not be considerate as during the investigation).

TRIVIA CANON EVENTS:

Name: Scientist Ron

Main Character: Contagonist

Capabilities Revealed:

Telekinesis: (A paranormal is the mind control itself whatever happens, his ultimate brain, properly repeatability gets more powerful and single physical system dragging on stronger is allows to hands-on manages to struggling appeal the hearing yourself again thus serving is better to do his magic to multiply on supplies to make a huge forceful commitment towards his manipulation skills can lead optimize with his little "antennae" on his upper ears (protuberance maybe ?) to connect like buzzing sounds tough is roughly Instruments noises, and participants can perceive wiring itself to the muscle meter to suggest what's blowing up. Special Features: To the point of wire electricity thingy, this might living aera nearby voiding empty trespassing center is declared in what called "consent" to giving a partner permission. Unfortunately, this can't hold strict simulation aside them who are judging by step a side clearly doesn't like to hear what they said while the end of the discussion this would be his first danger uses aggression at them least of once than specific to take his monstrosity reminded looks like kind of alien moving into evacuate estate direction property. Likewise, the anticipation of his antennae can actually wiretap his wrap on people's minds (like radiation movements, chemics effectiveness) no matter what cause can be something evacuation.)

Telepathy: (reading their minds who accessed their communications since readers knows what point could ever try to understand and unbelievably impossible to assist hearing thoughts, besides extrasensory very critical plans due prerogative, whatsoever is inspection as extrasensory perception sensitivity measures less pressure to reach his thoughts upon about reaction was distributed primarily covered up).

Multilingual - (Omnilingual with his goggles communicated): (Tons of languages for speakable mechanic speaking out outnumbered monolingual ability is the most important thing that communicated even more activity surrounding your different language techniques that can proceed either everyone has cultural natives for could be globalizing each other somehow the human body seems to reasonable for sure if it hanging disruptive his attention personality apart from personnel something tasks and offering them to share their understandings). As for Omnilingualism: (exact what came from multilingual, but this is way different superpower. However, it can treat itself whatever suppose that can refer to speaking out of understanding to duplication opportunities for the opposite side that begin over relatively quickly about true alternative languages to ultimate power and figuring themselves as known unspoken learnt its possible to get plenty of hobby as for his impression gotten into existence. When he associates the part of forgetting his goggles, it is probably rare somewhat to control factor of the numbers, which is that it truly doesn't influence to transform something erroneously that indicates to prevent how to occur if he show the system disgruntled to the programming codes, exports are supposed to be looked greenish technically types of "error connection mechanism" would look like mathematician in a equation some sort of calculator prototype can actually interact in the features sounds generally do things about like most of uncalled artificial intelligence that proves to produce a human languages especially foreign languages includes speech to keep usual vision at them not to easy to his self capitalized. As for his superpowers in any way to manipulate kinds symbols as he thinks of to processing the whole routine, it made sure if it wasn't going after his separation starts while the other his languages could gets supernatural powerless outtakes (depends) as much he explains how the communication works after all gets never known he shows or whatever that high variations are no big deal which is happens he angered it for the "both" example his establishment once-over or not is coming from his antennae CONTROLS his goggles besides his side face right away, again in the further down is usually aware that it charges itself to the main issue instantly causes overpower madness self-control and then look way difficult person's emotions that is a way wrong to shouldn't and expect yourself from getting insecure for breaking to your promise it is because his owner scientific to approach himself and tries to giving decisions then suddenly bringing about his being overprotective is despicable without any anger or bothered by the problem furthermore mannerisms isn't faulty did determine loss combine the logic may doesn't work the way he act up..).(longest story)

Engineering Skills: (Stuff workability is intended only for position to be better being a worker and at the time of resume anything essential that can be leadership or creativity study for geologically math as for branches algebra, geometry, trigonometry calculus, number theory, combinatorics, probability, arithmetic, topology as for stratification details from subjects skills are chemistry (wording biochemistry) biology (wording botany & microbiology), meteorology, oceanography, zoology, physics, geophysics, history, astronomy, volcanology, computer>(I.T stands for Information Technology), solar system, geography, statistics, analysis, systems theory, and logic, & types of particular discipline rules really happens if he is "co-ordination". Also in engineers nonexistent and several major professionals things can does actively to never stops his compared none to his abilities can take you down from his geniuses fundamental knowledge of the biggest energy ever shown your shocked instead of studying in educational systems for his happiness wanted needs peacefully around being teenage and probably nerdy of course because he used to remember how his memories would've lost his enthusiasm eventually the event of his journal used to be number one for one of his physical activity matches will gets scored by out in front infinitely).

Absolute Intelligence: (IQ reasonably sure is about infinite power to manage his own as problem-solving as compassion in limited acknowledges remain in competent ability to take out of service for the others modern ones and create his psychological terrifyingly be fantasize and cans manipulated on controlling the actions no matter how this entire thing work for him must got to be most fascinating extremely and dangerously hazardous moment of proliferate to able multiply to sooner comes situated has become an proficiency for such massive growth peerless the admired of skills is because of the demonstration superstitious can be worth leading toward your damages can also be harmful for the health purposes whenever he never stops his weakness durably to be stable kinds phrase). Unlikely fluid intelligence or emotional intelligence conflict opposites unexpectedly.

Sonic-Scream: (Super legendary for his constant supreme ability purely for his superpower in the most vicious sense of an extremely powerful scream/shriek of high amplitude for a variety of purposes from his vocal cord and mouth, typically for offensive purposes, like causing destruction procedurally attacks, louds towards crowds unnecessarily didn't get rid of his bad attitude as a affected the enemies from his feelings judgment but not required unless they suffer his wave destruction is getting above them no harsh to be sure to careful what is wrong to negotiate. The contagonist can also direct their screams over large distances and even send them at specific targets because it seems really doubt that people's wordings are craving as his regular personal personnel devolved for starting shouting at them in aggressively nerve is gonna solve his handle).

Pet peeves:

Science jokes (technically): (not technically or technical purposefully. Specifically, it is rare ! Scientists didn't care so much about the comedy shows or jokes, obviously, that it stared to be odd oftentimes. Perhaps meanwhile, he was annoyed by someone who exclusively cared about science comedy when he heard of hatred so can disrespect along in the laboratory for multiple attempts from hearing from his field subjects because of the unserious sentence of his startled face off at jerks). According to the journalist appointment recorded by resources of scientific matters, it is a resume to Alternatively write about the scientist profession not to compromise by each side, making jumping conclusions

Interrupting: (in the laboratory, of course, without any helping anyone to try to comfort him and ambitiously can not resist his problems and bother to truly be focused on his eyes to filled out the chemicals holds his graduated cylinder from the many supplies that uses his plentiful for creation but disliked scared of him to screwed up at this point. Otherwise anyone towards his place to be live is not to make messes up in front of your groups or try help your groups with who's nerdy person and elaborate to arrange because he won't do this either few interruptions this time).

Poking: (out of nonsense matter with one's finger to play with the game in poked your nose and the objected which is currently pushing the way and sticking into eyes, is pure disliked it will be bothering any other annoying stuff how tries to poke around him in his entrance part of the most unknown thing you've spotted in actual reason the kids wouldn't have drained absolute might irritating from reasoning to kids touching supplies unlike poking made him interrupted become an irrelevant when's said with that be said he resigned from typical business to reach the hope gets attention as a downright instead of hoax, a goodly thing is he phenomenally hates pokes during focusing on innovation plans).

Clicking the pen: (stopping his loads somehow shows up to spending time, one's person over next to him to barely see being bored till starting clicking the ridiculous sounds with a big earshot of annoying over his intense reaction to it kept repeating real awkwardly out of his mind couldn't resist this as nervousness to may know what's from misophonia disorder recovery is up a really recognize that tapping dripping has rid of the cruel thing the way the pen nerve be allowed to follow his distraction without got disturbed onto makes himself a erupted inside in angered such as annoying as specified by changing his reactivate on spoke of repetition if it goes to represent a noises sounds probably did his unsettling may not have a bad reputation).

Not paying for things: (never paying attention or listening to inside his instructions unless when they understand it may decide to drift off to the point of view were prevent front of your lines while taking so much hours to aware of annoyance begin that awful same way during the time of his thousands rule of graphic suffering to stopping them to waste their time to living in his potential wordy using rather not just annoying in front of them just because he emerged from his legally group doesn't giving right to and proves everything to enter view on infographic not enough of his boarding pass to time constraints other group's imposition towards his journal while he trying to speak to whole situation instead of anything predictable reasons).

Slow internet: (connecting something wrong to can't make things work that happens to him in general until tried reconnect with other device to hacks his own magic spells and seems like it gets really annoying if goes slow retry another loading screen every time that he sees any kind of emergency wouldn't stopped because the poor hands wasn't surving those whole internet occurrence problem it gives so much confusion slows down around the time to figure his out of the technology could cause this trouble super annoying when making his nerves).

Annoying neighbors: (welcoming or greeting neighbors is alright when you eventually get submitted by random people with no forcing creases to actual reason for the right manner to mark the above them. Unfortunately, when he sees others, strict neighbors can judge the behold gathered to his believers, and they start to guarantee choices to having breakdown was no shortage cannot be associated can also find the annoying any given attention something negative towards his kindness smuggle form interact his place need to be getting out and never see them again with huge pessimistic in disrespecting unwanted stuff to oftentimes bringing to other negativity outright).

Physical touch: (simply rare ! Touching any kind of appropriate way without ramble or whatever thinks that he felt, which is can ever happen some groups touches you it feels inside on risk tickles and turned out he sneeze at them in his irresponsible mistaken could be embarrassing did not wanted to gets ticklish because disliking shoulder touched isn't good for it instead of just called his name better this way rather than annoying touches makes him worse that made it out sicknesses and be careful. Physical touch is not his favorite word for unrelated matters. he gets his disposable away).

Mental Disabilities - Disorders:

Hypersensitivity: (according to his skin, fur syndrome can also have sensitivity medical condition, which is the cause of allergic reactions to affect his body fluid intake of antigen regarding type in known as immediate hypersensitivity as for occur there in exposure in allergy treatment for out of his pimple within hours of another acne is belive and hidden somewhere whenever this does makes him look normal looks natural mention immunity to work together complete both to protect his body unassembled is done possible to see results from his normalized characteristic in short retirement life to giving intoxicated feels wasn't normal for some reason and watch out and do not worry about it, it is safe which is happens his through inside above his system works). In the meantime, as for aggregates called "immune complexes," it formed a rougher pathway.

Schizophrenia: (had a bad mood is considered to have a serious mental disorder in recovering from his distress is technically a chronic reality abnormal in case of his constant a bit extreme disabling inside apart from functioning whenever gets worse and might even be starting having hallucinations once his anxiety, distress portion in some combination sets the impaired daily properties in coursing for behavior in his hold treatment out of unattended can sorting through trusted to due results from begins has multiple overview includes, vomit, delusions, traumatic, effective such a particular for lack of motivation and disliked miserable sounds gotten too deafness instead of privacy in form too far to allows him look absolute secure incompletely dishonesty but the thing is for his schizophrenic syndrome won't even unstoppable inaccessible lifelong for pity totals triggers). According to the main calling of paranoia, (losing his thoughts and worries so much what happens if he feels threatened) which is complete become an paranoid for the effects of being threatened to begin to make him look bad, torture himself, and cooperate with evidence are truly outset for some way judgment one of his group's towards criticism about the composing in generally a representative on his responses to not giving nothing respectability for surely outlook on not settling on in to persecution thoughts, although there's no doubt about his distrust in others ironic disadvantaged actions...

Hypersomnia: (cause of excessive sleepiness and the many reasons when he sees himself into difficulty as a problematic as known, not supporting his good sleep when it goes on overtime to take too much far time and never stops workable ability dominant of vary slightly underlying in his illness and told it was unhealthy for his overnight life instead of making things overall does makes shifting work a lot as for sleepiness conditions for ill ironically and repeatable depression, likely stuff includes insomniac of the rest of doings days often and giving easy to stopped his life-long without fixing hypersomnia for the first might soundly needed for help to get back to sleep until the staff works messy with too little harsh and somehow against his feels super motivated of nothing prepared for battle in every hours until ends the daylight for reasons it's a huge understanding his technique must to do whatever he wants but it doesn't fact the change nothing to command his mind to lifestyle to achieve the all night or all day after break or nothingness because of how long does this take to before the overslept beginning ? Therefore, in the uncalled sleep, as far as away his insomnia is not because of the renamed hypersomnia of the definition so it could resist his shouldering statement, an actual clear up that the most important thing is about him to accepted it than he did on purpose either incident way out of businessman. No wonder why he has under-eye bags happening with his sleep deprivation, having not enough sleep quality).

Anorexia also known as Eating Disorder: Historically under the word is also added atypical anorexia nervosa symptoms examples of his dieting physical obsessing with getting skinny (is an average warped body that feeling himself into fluent about weight, is turning something very low gain from an image yourself to look normal may problems with metabolism to eating healthy foods without troubling to his freedom abdominal bad habits are simply made him forced to be intense fear of faith in gaining weight and specific restrictions of calories and seems to be force to gave him poorly luck to the extreme label spreads of the bodyweight intake someway to approach his body never used to lose every limit to beat the better finding food to insure the health on his diagnosis expects pushing exercising causes of underweight maximum loss below deadly less healthy between heavy metabolic transform energetic whose consciousness in malnourished any kinds of nutrition but his body is common diet for a day of no food in such a afraid of thing to do "decision-making").

Psychogenic sneezing: (caught up by hormones fluid into his virus causes damage from his cells to skeptic the sneeze under his booger to protein amino acids can be helpful for stopped his tissue cramped such a uncomfortable in necessary time of permanent stroke could cause a pain to survive during affects seizure to freeze itself nor does the makes cold even harder. The sneezing is supposed to be rare to use psychogenic to stress react in his psychological condition addictive behaviors that are wide-ranging and side effects of the damaging disease can also be unpleasant if the skin was not before referring strongly fear toward parts sensation is not too normal because when he becomes something way worse the sneeze situation has literal disastrous the only thing just don't started feel nothing unless he has a fever to sniffs really dust type of infection).

TRIVIA CANON EVENTS:

Name: Gang Ron

Main Character: Villainous Protagonist (Anti-villain)

Capabilities Revealed:

Terrakinesis, also known as Geokinesis: (a talking about his villain role, is the most strongest ability he ever had that can control a pair of superpowers to spare his mind to dominate the earth but in the certain way to shown version of his powerful ragging from moving solid rock and other rock to the path sidewalks (street) the road at will escalate the to minded himself could sacrifice to stay on his pro overmuch and it based on his variation materialism and elemantalism due to view elements value to section as a simpler nature at making so much efforts to manage his anger or mind controlling itself to raging the apposed of the generates that step to reward can consume more energy ever known as superior power to collapse whole crowd. For the rare answer that he is also creating on his "watch" that is really based on gangs claims violation standards control over reality members to entire creation a reshape geologic materials to process as such as dirt underneath the ground and then that much deeper knowing where to his interest in closest their communications experiences. For that being said, the massive majority of his dangerous corporations were surprised to cut off from instinct strangers. After that, he powering up got destroyed the big attachment forwarding route distance from his general rest, which is disliked to be known as intimidation to people freaked out at him because it gets close to him moving strangers to having anger reactions to flow and throw at them with his mastery manipulation inconsiderable self-conscious down from his edginess. As a matter of fact, the research above his total brutality loses his control over suffering from negative effects of the most incurred everybody's junk towards his afterthought witness abilities taken too seriously, it can also smashing to elements that makes him not feeling pain with his arm muscles too protective to contain justified legitimate use for located in a sudden progressive to made up his elbows joint although it remains his immobilized for a few longer to get away).

Graffiti Skills (aerosol art): (A well-known wildstyle additional making artistic designer from the owner paintings and creativity written is usually to having the best ability skills to grant his allowance for spray all over the walls without permission although common turning into image of impression stylish perfection symbol is it known by criminality standards brought out to single other surface is considerably illegal to never gets seen who doesn't want to use one of his gangsters with non gang-related visitors of wrongdoings is unacceptably stuff is getting something like to have a fun time with sprayed entire world instead of witnesses attempt from comes by toleration and having habitat the portable sided of wall because everyone's knows are knowledgeable to hearing themselves to wanted them live in peace however the policeman arrived from conference in front of his individual to screwed up at this stage for being unauthorized malicious destruction in public property in the meanwhile the definition of "irresponsible personal in human being" is he doesn't care about their complaining manners was because nothing is about defacement he is being ignorant at the beginning then flashes toward your fought and to tries fight his back and forth into bash into "domestic vi0lence" (sorry if this was unnecessary traumatic warning additionally..because of his suffer "vague" is too pure liability are for overwhelmingly dysregulation emotions) at them acts up to pretend against tidings with his unserious answers is giving up on only time does not work anything essential information after his compassion defenceman is an survivor of another reason that can not be arrested involving the clue of vandalism).

Invisibility with his watch (automatically rare too ! Obviously it is probably creating to grant something item to set up for consent at his separation starts while the operator is making significant changes to make up to possible transforms body in to be shield from disappearance by the time can also pranked otherwise recent to vibe him from others to manage their business instead of business is all need to do to breakdown was durably crashed down from outside used to be security within 24 hours of seen a not visible to clearly nothing to seem strangely consider or overreacting yourself to remember how movements works if there's a temporary one a period time of loses his time by the again during his fun or staff wanted to like to stealing everything without everyone's worry too much as far as it is just a coincidence and there's more thing his watch is actually protection from self-defense so better watch out because hes too mischievously plans are way difficult to make him victory battle matter of time is very tiring to attend to his won appear in facility, either second spot of persons passive or take advantage of choices....even if it too far maybe try to do it next time...).

Roasting Skills: (discovery in the discrepancy in savage roastes is also an insult and descriptive reform for the insecurities to best destroy one of his opponents, and an argument is going soluble behind frustration evidently the position down from negativity is belongs his manners was hesitant try to replicate each of tastes went provoking legit liked made of someone's privacy and other behavior shows that tease them in silence that never truly describe his attention because when he roasts some diffusion includes humorous joke, sarcasm, disrespect, criticism besides his gang groups is capable to be better every savage words to loved to see their reactions without his beyond side consequence to defeating them instead of is best giving them shot and not meant for offense ones doesn't mention any terminating of bringing about attack them during an argument to distinguish the opposition event straight up point).

Porcupine Powers: (speaking of spikes for under his half masquerade mask was based on domino mask in the right side half face mask inside eye view is specially used to throws everywhere or it can breaks stuff to prevent how spiky can causes damage to prove to shown that it sharpen whenever their growing back itself whatever starts inside the mask it occasionally even gets strike frequency into restarting times bunch of his branches includes bracelet, necklace, gloves has spikes in there for sufficient amount of attention to claim his rule of such as breaking the law as an important resolution action would probably rest of his absence to rid of his abysmal a bit extreme presentation right outlook. As for his durability, it took advanced in danger composed to a self-made of armor surviving against the stage from where he begins his enemies, who start missions in type of way at a attack high speed, while his self defense will comes with the last straw toward his commentary which is unsophisticated somehow under his spike mask outcalled purposes to use once realizing that could control and pushed the button throughput is very professional to create some turns on design weapons built up by event with his what's planning on going to be is giving true worthy requirements to feel like moving into his organism (output from self controlling to spot there) and everything).

Trash-Talker (interactions with somebody else could aspersion to be mattered as well as the skill speakable describing the debate an insult spoken to bouts of biting is also incompetent, not an exclusive way to make so much excuses indeed to perhaps that made them less confident without his words given the struggle as much possible unlike forced to uses a acts of nothing how do gets done whenever uses for his stays humorous spirit always totally brutal is actual wildest ones ever wording in speech talks about in front of them instead of bring this up to body language sincerely bad calling names or unnecessary negative words intent face-off showdown skirmish on sending icky stuff have no idea his thinks even coming from is absolutely unfairness. Same with the previous one, "roasting skills" are pretty potential wordy using similarly to understanding more the information and differences between trash talks in heavy way..).

Hysterical Strength is also known as Supernatural Strength to connect with: (The most common anecdotal examples based on hearsay are of parents lifting vehicles to rescue their children, and when people are in life-and-death situations. Automatically, it used to force other items to take away from danger instead and least of stronger thing to picking every single heaviest to show more activation. Another usages: He possesses a supernatural strength. This incredible strength allows them to effortlessly lift massive vehicles, large airplanes, boulders, and even locomotives. Offensively, depending on if there's anything metalized like a massive major could happen to allow his power to exert strength to keep superhighway and his protective effect of victory successfully in among these phenomenon get away deported in situating and any kind of his ability is must've known publicly for all the safety gestures by any time not because he is the hero of saving/rescuing everyone to his savior is the reasonable for his emotions probably subsequent unable curiosity toward a chances of winning the his givens by scenery valedictory. Frequently it can be more romantic way some other's reaction becomes mind-boggling to sees his strength can also made him look attractive figure in front of them and solve their feelings to surround his circumstance sort of personalities behind their captures in this possession thoughts nothing to be concern for it getting holds his life and his disinterested based on it isnt helpful by them because he's too rushed for watches more often and wanted them more behave to him but giving short gently manner..).

Pet peeves:

Interrupting: (On abandoned place at his empty spot where to sitting on the loneliness street as announce himself is also main abandonment in a permanent living direction road nearly downtown. As for his interruption, it is important to let you get away from them to prepare for the best to ignore it, but the main issue is that getting bothered, he strongly dislike who blatantly make a huge conversation about themselves to absolute despise in actual thrown in nonessential annoyance in nonsense matter. It's very pessimistic for his response to provoking intensely doubts about everyone's controlling him look unusual abnormal personal it can treat you knowing how he seems raging at them and pisses his off and needs to picked his piece of joy no matter what he truly cares for everything without socializing in local privilege but does make him happiness no more annoying people so just be careful what sentences do only asked his "permission" rule list but that's his own choice though not them..).

Touching: (Really hate the fact he is suitable for mentioning every part of his physical appearances and such as annoying people who touch plenty of stuff and any other who collect his attention because he emerged them in logic might be made him uncomfortable in different ways either none giving him constant permission to feel his confidence could profound feelings before the touching thingy when's feels twisted and unsatisfied does not work for the historical aspects to try to point at their destination for regrets about it which is complete misunderstood by his values is controversial but it's all about annoying people who rashes to his trust to force him looked off from sticking around into pushing out of privately).

Loud Chewing: (Disrespecting in boundaries with the worst to seen oppressed over relatively established less felt lack of triggers however if chewing noises really get under your skin, you may be suffering from more than just a passing annoyance. You may be allergic to certain sounds it is what it is called "Misophonia" is also considered to suffer given the circumstances to can't handle how wild sounds gotten to be worse noises those who he has might a sound driving you crazy from his reactions can range from anger besides them and dislike bothers everything to make sure they didn't care if they chewing gum for giving him attention because it's such a waisted to watch them back is all things to do control over them in violently whatsoever).

Alarm Clock: (like I said, he is super obnoxious on hearing horrible sounds when he got into his mind blowing up and excessive behavior then he definitely might destroy snooze for good with no distracted of sleepy time directed toward him because he literally annoyed at alarming sounds even though this eventually gets worse to tries he best to sleep without awake or whatever doesn't feel too well to waking really that early someday. Wouldn't be a coincidence for him, or it is just for connecting with emotions to be unnoticeable craziness over his recently woke).

Staring: (Some people just zone out, and you end up in their line of sight. Some people, though, have no tact. Staring feels especially frustrating when you’re already uncomfortable..it is really disliked for begging someone's stares for close up each other is the stupidest known for sure how pretended is trying to figure out to looked away from them. It's no problem at the moment, but embarrassing yourself isn't that big of a deal. He dealt an ignorant face-to-face confrontation judge, by the way..) However, he thought that it made him angered at them and reaction it's with his actual own quote mentions: "What are you looking at ?" or another regular slang: "Tch, what are you looking at me like that.. dork ? Can't you see I'm seeing myself to look desperate before you looked at me like a maniac ? Aren't I saying things to you ? Oh.. well, kiddo, being alone forever isn't my business... except one of my gang teammates would like to join just for freedom.... Sooo.. ehh, buzz off !!"

Talking during the movie: (If someone is next to you talking throughout the entire film, how are you going to hear what the actors are saying ? The same goes for using your phone in a dark theater. It's kinda distracting to everyone else that you have said it is wrong to look up or pull out your phone during movie theater, which disallowed them to stop texting so then again become an outrageous to till now to smash their phone without hesitation because he's too evil-doer for ready destroys any more satisfied himself against crime is no to be afraid of his bravery to take advantage of people's devices mostly admires his regrets and gets annoying sounds since it used to be displayed after the gossiping over him is giving up moreover moving another number doorstep but not anymore).

Talking over people: (Righteousness surely you feel a little bit burnt out being the only person who is carrying the conversation when socializing. It something come to clearly gets annoying that dislikes' way to seem get angry is overcome with them within hours to believe failing patience rather than interrupted and instant back away to leaving alone that cannot stand them to stay on his along space as matter of fact the problem during featuring reaction unexpectedly thing's the only way to stop them in to become silence sometimes he associates nobody should benefit from his generalize about the smelly humans (While talking over them decided to choose from sombody else instead of him is also can be waiting for his patience but not anymore).) His mental disorder is adhd can be sigh on side character does makes him bad situations especially their says on assumptions of what to wanted he needs despite them separate from notwithstanding spitefully...Any other common neurodevelopmental disorders discovered that his neurological trouble can be included Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Asperger's syndrome formerly disorder (AS), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) related to added up. Or May not...soon !

Music Genre & Instruments Interests:

Rock-and-roll: (Musically characterized by a heavy beat and uncomplicated melodies. It first emerged as a fusion of rhythm and blues with country music knows how to play really good instruments and beat the used to be his persona. it also had a polarizing influence on lifestyles, fashion, attitudes, and language. It is often portrayed in movies, fan magazines, and on television. He was really obsessed with it to practice even more activities. In band rock music has put in toward his own interest to point of view is surprises his way enjoyment).

Electronic music: (any music involving electronic processing, such as recording and editing on tape, and whose reproduction involves the use of loudspeakers. It is sure to be different from type of his practical techniques as long as he admits himself to use those instruments work to help it out from his gang-related memberships, which joins up to get into the studio performance).

Heavy metal: (around mid-90s his very young age to be called teenage: A Summary of how did he learns from start to become a professional musician due According to his middle childhood, he wanted to be singer, artist band to carry his own destiny to inspire any kind of famous artists to feel he'll get motivated to be just like them and proceed toward happiness likewise wanna teach himself to use lessons in random notes to make a perfect splendidly blend up recovering his guitar skills of the period time to work a longer hours to practice way such as his flexibility in event exclusive way sort of sources giving him easier until he grew up in glowing up turned out to be well-made just for adjustable a made him look punk figure maybe could be attractive guy rather than be bad guy it might also be mixed-up matter of time for further goes. It stays own lives).

Funk music: (It deemphasizes melody and chord progressions and proves focuses on a strong rhythmic groove of a bassline played by an electric bassist and a drum part played by a percussionist, often at slower tempos than other popular music. Funk typically consists of a complex percussive groove with rhythm instruments playing interlocking grooves that also create a "hypnotic" and "danceable" whatever he feels. Well, It uses the same richly colored extended chords frequently found in bebop jazz, such as minor chords with added sevenths and elevenths, and dominant seventh chords with altered ninths and thirteenths. In the meantime, other percussionists can play funky music, which is badass to give, allowing away while playing the rest of his doings himself to proving all the matters).

Electric Guitar - Bass Guitar 🎸: (It has evolved into an instrument that is capable of a multitude of sounds and styles in genres ranging from pop and rock to folk to country music, blues and jazz. It served as a major component in the development of electric blues, rock and roll, rock music, heavy metal music, and many other genres of music. However, the popularity thing is wanting to separate the music to manage plays with other instruments, especially his favorite guitar without retiring). Another specific short: (Spoiler fiction: one of his metalheads group joins)

[End]

Also a quick sponosor/announcement is shout out to my stepsibling made this MASTERPIECE villain version based on the name "Talking Tony & Friends" image who requested him and it was a huge BANGER AND I LOVED IT SM<3

Designs cartoons were made by the Ttaf official website (merchandise) if you were wondering. (Characters that i drew them) :"D

Characters: Talking Ron, Roy Rakoon, Scientist Ron, and Gang Ron (one of my fanmades that are in scripting them for many examples)

『Layers: infinite (folders) 』

Program I used for very usable software: IbisPaint X (occasionally also using the fonts too)

Hope you really enjoy my authorized writing composition on the dialogue 🫶🏽ngl that took me a week to write/type all of it, and good luck with everyone's reading these, eehh...., that's too bad... if you are lazy enough to read, I'll add some a few explanations (if you have dyslexia) or maybe if you are really interested or satisfied with reading the entire essay.👍🏽

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suchine-toki · 7 months

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Thoughts about Gintoki

Many things have been said about this man. This time I would like to address Gintoki's character development and the differences between the tentative ending of Be Forever Yorozuya (BFY) and the actual ending of the series.

Gintoki is quite lonely when the story begins. For 10 years he has kept his distance from everyone else, Otose being the only exception. It has been speculated that Gintoki wanted to end his life after all he had gone through, and it’s for that reason that he arrives at the graveyard, staying out in the open, with snow piling up on his body when she arrives. There he decides to try one more time.

As time goes by, after forming the new Yorozuya, Gintoki begins to open up to others a little more. He reconnects with Zura and Sakamoto and also makes many more friends. However, he still has problems, which keep coming up in the series in different ways; sometimes more comical, sometimes more serious. But it’s a fact that he deals with certain addictions and psychological issues.

One of these issues is addressed in BFY. Despite having many friends, his low self-esteem leads Gintoki to consider that he’s not really important to those around him. This coupled with him being the cause of the chaos that has befallen the world only exacerbates that feeling and his self-sacrificial tendencies.

I've seen people compare the second movie (BFY) to the third (The Final), usually leaning towards the former because it's a self-contained story, while the latter is the conclusion of a much longer arc. While I think that's part of the reason, I don't see it as the main motive. The big difference for me is how the movies approach Gintoki's character.

For starters, the vibes of both stories are very different. In BFY everything has gone downhill and for the rest of the cast this is a tragedy because it adds to the fact that Gintoki is apparently dead. In contrast, the second part of Silver Soul arc is almost the opposite. The world is thriving and Gintoki went on a trip to resolve his own thing, but the cast can't move on because he’s not with them.

While I’m glad Sorachi gave Takasugi more screen time, his story felt concluded at the end of 1st part of SS arc (as with Utsuro, who was revived only to be killed again a few chapters later). The character arc that remained unfinished was Gintoki's. By this I don't mean that by the end of the series all his problems should’ve been solved and that he should’ve become a perfect human being.

I would’ve liked to see how Gintoki deals with his issues and his PTSD, but this was ignored. Having him relive his trauma, in which he not only had to kill Shouyou again, but also Takasugi, rather than coming from a point of authentic character exploration, felt like unnecessary drama. In the end he wasn’t worse mentally (or so the story says) but he wasn’t better either. He was still the same. And for me it was sad to see that. So many chapters, so many experiences, for everything to stay the same?

The conclusion Gintoki comes to is that he's not empty, people will live in his soul, which isn't bad in itself, but the execution seemed poor to me. Will he let his friends die now because they will live in his soul? It contradicts how he has acted before. You could say it's character evolution, but to me it didn't feel consistent. Where is the line between overcoming a traumatic event and not caring?

I got hooked on Gintama mainly because of Gintoki. I wanted to see his past and more importantly his future. I wanted to see him happy in the end. However, the resolution of his character wasn’t satisfying to me. Sorachi admitted at one point that he didn't quite develop Gintoki, but it wasn't much he needed to do and, in fact, he did it before in BFY. He just needed to focus on his protagonist.

I wanted to see him smile with happiness. But at the end of his journey, he was left with only a somewhat lonely smile.

#Gintama #Sakata Gintoki #I can write #Thoughts about #my post #Otose was quite the life saver #I've talked about the ending before but now I wanted to do it from Gintoki's pov #We also had this story of Gin realizing he's loved in Kintama arc but it was more comical #And since BFY isn’t canon SS arc had to address these issues but didn't #man I just wished to see Gintoki be happy ಥ_ಥ

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manonamora-if · 4 months

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Retrospective 2024 (4)

Last one!

As teased in the infographic, My resolution this year stays unchanged from last year's:

Get things off my desk and shelf it for good.

I want to continue completing and fixing older projects, so I can shelf it for good (like I did Goncharov Escapes! this year, and DOL-OS). But, since I added a bunch of title on my itch page, there are a few more to the pile compared to last year that needs fixing (or finishing) - at least DOL-OS is done :D The goal: Harcourt (MelS want to finish it, but it's still him dependent), The Roads not Taken (I dropped the ball on that one at the end of last year), An Eggcellent Preparation (samesies), and Exquisite Cadaver or P-Rix - Space Trucker.

I won't even try to promise I won't make new games (large or tiny), because last year made it obvious there is no stopping me. I planned last year to participate in a few comps... and ended up doing two dozens. So... At least, I won't participate in the big comps (IFComp/SpringThing) because the ideas I have for them need at least another year to make it happen... I do want to try to make it to one parser-focused comp again (either TALJ or ParserComp) and try out Moiki or DonjonFI. I'm only 7-9 games away to have 1 title/year alive...

Below the cut has more detailed expectations for some titles. Like last year, no real timeline on what will be done when - this year has shown me that life likes to throw stones at schedules... Announcements will also be whenever, because I make things on a whim :P I will try to have a better announcement schedule for updates however.

Oh! one more resolution: continue to do word crimes ~ obviously!

The trials and Tribulations of Edward Harcourt

While I've been working on the final edits of Chapter 5, MelS promised to be hard at work on Chapter 6 this following semester, which is the final chapter. From mid-January onward, he should have a clearer schedule IRL to set himself some time to write.

We hope to be done with the edits and coding of Ch6 this year.

When Ch6 is cleared, we will do one final sweep at the earlier chapters to ensure the writing style is consistent, rebalance variables and puzzles, as well as making it compatible with as many screens as possible (especially for maps). Solutions for puzzles (mazes and such) will get a special log on itch too.

La Petite Mort

The game is "technically" complete already, but I spotted a few typos here and there that could be taken out, one theme is eh... really not as pretty as I had wanted it (the "PJ theme"), and I've been wondering if I could add a few more rooms or interactions (with the animals especially).

I'm aiming for a March-April update. Though it should have been done last November already...

The Roads not Taken

I've mentioned my plan for this project the past few months (before I got distracted with other projects), which is to fix the parser mechanic (to follow a bit more the conventions and fix the frictions of the game), include the missing content from the SpringThing version (Codex and Endings), and potentially have a hypertext version (links to click) for accessibility.

I would like to be done with this before summer at the latest - by March at the earliest.

Entre-d'oeufs coquilles - An Eggscellent Preparation

A bug or two needs fixing in this game (the AEP version) - how the box is used/eggs are handled -> for the ending - as well as a bunch of typos (a small re-write may be needed).

As AEP is the most recent version, with more content, I will need to translate the updated/fixed version back to French (EdOC).

I would also like to include more pixel art for each "room". I do not know yet I would manage that, but we will see!

I think there isn't much to fix that an update before the summer could be doable.

Exquisite Cadaver

That ball-n-chain project that's been dragged around for the past year, poor game... At least, I've given up on a French version.

The same amount of rounds is missing from the playable version (21), with no real progress made last year. All rounds are at least drafted in some fashion, though not all the endings are.

A sane planning for this would be to do an update every 3-4 rounds until the game is complete. I will try to achieve this.

If I could reach the half-way mark by the summer and complete the game by the end of the year, this would be great!

P-Rix - Space Trucker

This game can't stay in this current state! I have a rough draft of the mechanic and enough bits of writing to make a coherent update with some touch-up. I know how to end the game (the "good" ending), with even an option for further "storylines" after that first delivery is complete. I even have the "stops" on planets or ships all clear in my head (RNG babyyy).

I will probably focus on this project in the second half of 2024.

Crimson Rose & White Lily

With the hiatus getting closer to a two-year one... an update is long overdue. I may break an update in multiple ones:

fixing the main story code

adding Scene 5 (needs to be written properly)

adding Scene 2 variation

fixing the Codex

including Bonus content (may be a separate "game")

I would like to have the first point done in the first half of the year, and the second... well in the second half. If the Muse is in my corner it might happen sooner, but she hasn't been here all last year, so who knows at this point...

I miss writing Razac y'all...

SugarCube Templates

Even if I've done all the "coding" templates I had wanted to do for a while, I have a handful more visual templates in my drafts (different shapes!).

Having tried all "main" Twine formats, I've been itching at making templates for Harlowe and Chapbook. Either doing a Harlowe/Chapbook version of the template already done, or just making completely new one.

Expect some to be added to itch (when I get bored/frustrated with my projects).

Other projects

If there is time/energy left in me, I would like to take a crack at:

Finishing The Dinner, with all the remaining courses and the planned final choice. Also styling it in Harlowe properly.

Finishing the OG planned story for In the Blink of an Eye, which was supposed to last "a week" in the story (instead of 2 days) and have more consequences/endings.

Finishing The Rye in the Dark City, which is missing 2 acts: the interrogation of the different peeps and the "closing" the case. A bit of re-write in the first act might be needed.

Finishing Don't Press the Button (not really IF). I want to make it work in both keyboard and mouse... If I can manage it, then it's just a matter of moving the element around the page, changing colour, and randomise whether to click or not. JavaScript/jQuery is required however ;-;

Fixing The Thick Table Tavern: first the bar (group bottles, add new ones + new recipes), then the Arcade Mode (there's a bug I've been meaning to fix for one mode + add difficulty), then the Story Mode (essentially do a re-haul + add more storylets + the main client(s) of the run).

Remastering SPS Iron Hammer - a.k.a. re-writing it, adding the whole escape mechanic, re-coding the whole thing...

I don't think I would be able to do ALL of this - with the amount of time/effort some of these projects would required, it would probably be impossible by myself. And I should probably focus on CRWL instead if I have time/effort left 😂

Other... other

I'm going to continue organising small comps and jams this year, both with @seedcomp-if (which will run all year now - 8 months of Planting, 3 months of Sprouting, 1 month of voting), and @neointeractives (8-10 jams/year).

I will probably participate in a handful of the jams I've either organised, or small program-focused jams (like with ink/bitsy), but avoid the "big" ones this year (even if the SpringThing was fun!). There are also a handful of other jams I've had my eyes on, so we will see if I can manage... Expect more short silliness on this side.

A thing I will continue doing will be playing IF games still. I have 15 games left in the IFComp (with one being an absolute beast) and want to take a crack at old comp entries (IFComp, SpringThing, and the others), especially the French ones. Reviewing takes a while, but it's a good practice to think about the positives and negative of games - and take these lessons for my own projects. Expect more at @manonamora-if-reviews (or on the IFDB).

Aaaaannnnd that's it!

That's more than enough to keep me entertained for this year. ... which may potentially be the last one in a while where I will have any free time. I am certain of one thing for next year (2025): there will be a lot of change happening IRL, which will for sure mean less time to do any fun thing (not just making IF). Probably long periods of time where I will be completely offline too. This year might be the last where I have a consistent presence online. I really want to make the most of it!

#manonamora #retrospective #2023 #year in review #games #indie dev #assets #twine #interactive fiction #interactive games #planning #schedule #will I keep up with the plan?#unlikely... but I'll try my best!

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sen-no-kotowari · 11 months

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PGR Noan Character Profile

Good day and I'm back with some good news! The formatting plug-in I use is back to normal so everything should look the same like before. Aside from that, I will be posting back-to-back character profiles over the next few days and the first one up the bater is Noan's! You can learn more about Noan under the cut down below!

Voice Line Data

Motion Voice Lines

Lobby Voice 1

Noan: I passed nearby the Arts Association while walking around the other day. If there comes a time when peace will be upon us and an Arts Association is built on Earth, would people who love to draw be able to feed themselves? ...I see. That'd be wonderful.

Lobby Voice 2

Noan: What do you think of having a war memorial on the plaza? ...Huh? What do I think about it? I believe the people in this era making the most of their lives are just as awe-inspiring. Perhaps it's because I've seen too many death that I strongly believe more than ever living in itself is...incredible.

Lobby Voice 3

Noan: (Paints something) ........Hm? Oh, I've been painting a picture with the paintbrush you left. It's nothing fancy, just a simple drawing of a sunflower. If I told you I drew this while thinking of you, would you believe me?

Raise Affection Level

Noan: If I tell you that I want to become closer to you... what will you do?

Repetitive Taps

Noan: What's wrong? No need to be frantic. I'll be right by your side.

Log-In

Noan: Welcome back, Commander. I've been waiting for you.

Online for a Long Time

Noan: Wait a second, let me check your eyes. ...Hrm, now open your mouth. What time did you sleep yesterday? ...(Sigh) Really now...

AFK

Noan: I don't know if you're asleep or you're working hard... Well, maybe it's not so bad, getting to see your back like this.

Shake

Noan: Wha—! Are you okay?! Did you trip?

Offline for a Long Time

Noan: Showing up just now, did you oversleep? Were you having a dream of a calm and harmonious world? If that was a blissful dream, then you should've dreamed a little while longer. Don't worry, I'll continue to wait for you here 'til you show up.

Introduction and Formation

Structure Acquired

Noan: Hello there, Commander. Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name's Noan, that is my real name. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Level Up

Noan: I have to spare no effort if I want to grow as a person.

Advancement

Noan: Thank you. Does this mean you've acknowledged me?

Model Improvement

Noan: Looks like the things I can do for others have increased yet again. Thank you.

Skill Upgrade

Noan: I'll continue to hone these skills until the day I put them to rest.

Equipment

Noan: This weapon... Hmmm, what should I call it?

Add in Team

Noan: Perhaps I should be grateful to you, who put your faith in me.

Assign as Captain

Noan: You're making me the captain? Yeah, I think I can do it. Leave it to me.

Mission Accomplished

Noan: Okay, mission complete. Do we have anything else to do?

Daily Small Talks

Voice Line 1

Noan: Ever since I left City Number 075, I've been staying at Oblivion's base. I wonder if Watanabe's doing well. I'd like to go meet up with him if there's a chance.

Voice Line 2

Noan: Lee sometimes has this resolute look in his eyes... It's as if he had already made peace. Recently, he— ...Nevermind, forget I said anything. It seems like it's something he wishes to keep to himself.

Voice Line 3

Noan: How have I been lately? Maybe I'll tell you a little secret of mine. I'm actually a super Eden-class ambassador. Since both my conversational skills and presentation skills are perfect, I was able to make friends in Eden and also fit in right away.

Voice Line 4

Noan: My past? You've seen plenty of vagabonds who lost their hometown, right? I'm also a part of those vagabonds. There's nothing special about it.

Voice Line 5

Noan: I've heard from Commander Simon that you were an alumnus who graduated as the top student of FOS Military Academy, right? What kind of things do they teach during class in school? ...Most of the schools on Earth were closed down. It makes you wonder—how many people born in this era were able to receive proper education in their life?

Voice Line 6

Voice Line 7

Noan: Ah, that's right. I'm done reading the books you've told me about. Do you have other books you can recommend to me? I want to try reading a variety of books more. The library's just around the corner plus I also have a wonderful guide who'll give me a tour.

Voice Line 8

Noan: The starry sky isn't the only thing that shines in the darkness. Even if the small glowing lights around us aren't as bright as the North Star, they emit a faint light with everything they have.

Voice Line 9

Noan: Everyone used to admire stories about heroes saving the world when they were little, right? But when they grew up, they knew that those are just fictional stories, nothing more—no matter how much you do your best, you can't change the world around you alone. That's why... I'm glad that we both could do our very best here.

Voice Line 10

Noan: I don't regret rejecting the offer of becoming an Ascendant, even if it meant I'd accept how ordinary I am. I would be betraying my heart if I did. Don't worry. I already made up my mind from the moment I told you the name "Noan," no matter what may happen.

Voice Line 11

Noan: You always devote yourself to either listening to other people's worries or what they feel deep down, just like the gentle protagonists from the stories I've read... But why don't you try asking someone for some advice once in a while? I fear you might break someday if you always keep your worries to yourself.

Voice Line 12

Voice Line 13

Noan: I look forward to the day this world overcomes the harsh winter and welcomes the tender spring... If you also share the same sentiment as I do, shall we make a promise to each other? Of course, I'd want you to be included in that future.

Voice Line 14

Voice Line 15

Noan: I don't regret the things I've done in the past. I've used the grief I experienced as a catalyst to move forward without ever denying myself. ...For a brighter tomorrow free from strife, I shall give everything I have head-on so that we won't lose any more people we hold dear.

Raise Affection Level

Voice Line 1

Noan: (Chuckle) You sure have a lot of friends.

Voice Line 2

Noan: It'd be a waste to gift that to me. How about giving it to someone more worthy than me?

Voice Line 3

Noan: I'm happy enough that you're standing in front of me without your guard up.

Voice Line 4

Noan: Thank you... Are you just this kind to anyone you've met?

Voice Line 5

Noan: What are your hobbies? Ehehe, getting to know each other is the first important step in becoming friends.

Voice Line 6

Noan: Should I draw a picture for you in return as thanks? I'm kidding. This present you gave me is far more valuable than any of my drawings.

Voice Line 7

Noan: Despite the countless despair and spite this world has, you still make sure to treat others kindly. You truly are amazing.

Voice Line 8

Noan: I'm fine with any notebook and pen. I feel like it'd be wasteful if I use such a good quality paintbrush for this.

Voice Line 9

Noan: Are we... friends already? Ah, I want to be your friend, your comrade. And from here on out, I wish to stay by your side... That's what I feel.

Voice Line 10

Noan: I don't have much to give back to you in return, but... Please don't hesitate to tell me if there's something I can do for you.

Voice Line 11

Noan: Can I... come meet you again tomorrow?

Voice Line 12

Noan: Thank you so much... truly. It's not just the presents you've given me. I'm thankful for you and the words you said to me back then.

Voice Line 13

Noan: We're still amidst the harsh winter... But whenever you're with me, it feels like it becomes less cold than before.

Voice Line 14

Noan: If I tell you that I want to become closer to you... what will you do?

Voice Line 15

Noan: It's enough for me that we're aiming for the same goal and being able to fight alongside you, but that doesn't mean I'll stop longing for you... (Chuckle) Commander?

Voice Line 16

Noan: Can I take it that you're okay being this close to each other, Commander...?

AFK

Voice Line 1

Noan: Your sleepiness is also making me feel sleepy, hrm... Even though I already don't need to sleep anymore...

Voice Line 2

Noan: It's been pretty quiet, but are you busy with something else?

Voice Line 3

Noan: I don't know if you're asleep or you're working hard... Well, maybe it's not so bad, getting to see your back like this.

Voice Line 4

Noan: Are you asleep? I want to check up close if you're sleeping, but just in case I might wake you up... Yeah, I should stop here.

Voice Line 5

Noan: ♬~Our wishes will outlive us~♪ The light you shine is gentle as you are~♬[1]

Online for a Long Time

Voice Line 1

Noan: Having a lot of missions to deal with seems tough. Is there something I could help you with?

Voice Line 2

Noan: Oh-kay, let's confirm if you're still wide awake. What do you see on this ink blotch? ...It's some sort of abstract matter? Uhh-huh...

Voice Line 3

Noan: You're complaining that your neck hurts because you're always looking downwards. ...Come on, let's do some light stretches. Relax your muscles, and move around your head and shoulders.

Voice Line 4

Noan: Wait a second, let me check your eyes. ...Hrm, now open your mouth. What time did you sleep yesterday? ...(Sigh) Really now...

Voice Line 5

Noan: You've sacrificed your health just so you can finish all your work. I doubt you'd even listen to me, but... Why not rest even just for a few minutes?

Log-In

Voice Line 1

Noan: Morning. Do we have a mission today?

Voice Line 2

Noan: Commander, here's the list of missions for today. If we're all set, let's head out.

Voice Line 3

Noan: Morning, Commander Simon told me to pass along this message to you when I met him in front of the training room. Let's get along, he said.

Voice Line 4

Noan: I've been thinking it's about time you arrive here. I guess we're connected telepathically then?

Voice Line 5

Noan: You're back, Commander. I did several missions while you weren't here the past few days, but I knew I'd think about such a thought... "If only you were here," that is.

Voice Line 6

Noan: Welcome back, Commander. I've been waiting for you.

Voice Line 7

Noan: Did you sleep well last night? Your ability to focus would recede when you're tired, plus the people who care for you would be worried. Hm? Of course, I would be. I'm also one of those people.

Voice Line 8

Noan: Welcome back, Commander. I've been thinking about you. Oh, well you're not wrong that you're in front of me right now. Even so, I just couldn't help myself.

Offline for a Long Time

Shake

Voice Line 1

Noan: Wha—! Are you okay?! Did you trip?

Voice Line 2

Noan: Stop it, my glasses are about to fall down... Wha- wait... Don't take off my glasses...!

Voice Line 3

Noan: Even if you do that, a coin won't come out from me.

Repetitive Taps

Voice Line 1

Noan: Hm? What the- (Sigh)... I already said I'm not hiding anything. Wait, this isn't a body inspection?

Voice Line 2

Noan: W-wait— th-that tickles! Aha-...Gee, that was unexpectedly childish of you. It's fine, I'll let this slide since I saw your smile.

Voice Line 3

Noan: What's wrong? No need to be frantic. I'll be right by your side.

Activity Task Full

Noan: Our activity level's at max level, let's take a small break. If you have other plans you want to do, shall I tag along?

Battle Dialogues

Battle Start/Character Switch

Noan: I fight so the plights and suffering in our lifetime will be kept at bay.

Voice Line 1

Noan: Let's reassess what their sins are.

Voice Line 2

Noan: This is how the "best duo" pairs up.

Voice Line 3

Noan: Tear through the darkest night.

Ultimate Skill

Noan: Amidst the depths of winter will genuine springtide flourish!

Light Damage

Noan: I'm fine.

Heavy Damage

Noan: No... I mustn't fall here...

Incapacitated

Noan: I'm sorry... for leaving you all alone...

Friend Support

Noan: I don't plan to make you suffer any longer.

QTE

Noan: Aim for a swift victory.

Battle End

Noan: It's over, let's go home now.

Structure Documentation

Document Detail 1

Noan's appearance has established the fact Ascendants can turn humans into Structures. He is currently under surveillance in Eden for associating with an Ascendant. Although he doesn't seem to be disgruntled by the constant surveillance, research, and cooperation with his examinations, most of the "people who know his situation" feels somewhat lonely since Noan acts courteously as if he's keeping them at arm's length.

Document Detail 2

Noan himself named his model "Sojourn." He took inspiration from the time a young boy had preached to him after he left the Azil—"the world around us is a sojourn and all the sorrow they've experienced will one day return to the earth." The world around us is a large place of dwelling. Yes, even this very body he has. He has begun his new journey to the final destination of his life.

Document Detail 3

After he had fitted one of his coatings, Noan was sorely unsure whether or not he'd dye his hair in a rainbow color. However, everyone in Barometz Platoon strongly opposed it and even received harsh criticism from Arts Association Chairman Allen, saying it was "an abstract expression." The white streak of hair strands offset by his raven-colored hair expresses his resolution.

Document Detail 4

Even though Noan could deftly master a weapon and can write in either his left or right hand, he isn't particularly good at handling heavy weapons. It's not because of how incompetent he is, but because he's proficient in keen and nimble combat. The blueprint for his Energy Blade is a gift he received from Rachel on his 17th birthday. The other blade he wields on his other hand is something he had been using ever since he joined the porter company. Until Noan obtained his Energy Blade, his weapons used to be a blade and a gun.

Document Detail 5

He is hardly proficient in long-range weapons. Even the accuracy of the gun Noan previously used wasn't high. When you'd think he missed the mark, he would actually hit the vital target by fluke. There was a time when the bullet Noan fired pierced 3 windows, hitting the billboard across the building, and it fell on the leader of a burglary group.

Document Detail 6

He was able to escape an Ascendant's interferences and hallucinations alone. According to later observations, it was acknowledged that the stability in his Sea of Consciousness allows him adaptability toward Specialized Models. The Science Council still hasn't concluded whether this characteristic was something Noan originally had or was the result of the Ascendant's interference.

Rumors and Secrets

Secret 1 Has read a considerable amount of manga in a stack room. Noan seems to be receptive to any work, possibly because there are also peculiar plots among those he'd read. He would thoroughly read a manga title until the end, especially titles recommended to him by his friends.

Secret 2 To secure some space in his bag, Noan left a manga with a pear blossom between its pages at City Number 075. It was the Gray Raven Team who found that manga when they had visited for a survey. Noan retrieved that manga after that, but he lost it when he was heavily injured in City Number 210.

Secret 3 Noan still occasionally dreams of his past up until now. With how he is now, however, he is distinctly self-aware that it's all a dream and immediately wakes up—because in that dream, there isn't a single scratch on the firefly in his hands.

Secret 4 Although Noan had learned countless skills to survive, the only exception to that is cooking—up until he became a Structure, cooking delicious food wasn't a necessity for him. Now so long as he has a recipe to follow, Noan could cook the dish to a certain extent. Since he frowns upon ingredients going to waste, he inattentively ate the scrap parts of the ingredients on one occasion.

Secret 5 Whenever Noan is at a loss for what to do, he would tell a joke with a serious look on his face and divert the subject matter. He would often make his facial expressions overly serious so the other person would take them seriously. Noan would most likely say "maybe I'll tell you a little secret of mine" whenever he would tell an outlandish joke in the beginning, but he'd immediately give an explanation for his actions if the other person does take it seriously. If he manages to get by each time, strictly speaking.

Secret 6 Noan was once praised by his colleagues in the porter company for being skilled at consoling people and he would usually be the person they rely on to take care of their hammered colleagues at their drinking parties. Although he doesn't drink alcoholic beverages himself, it doesn't mean he wouldn't help them out or ditch out on the people who need someone could lend an ear to them.

Secret 7 Noan isn't good at handling people who are crying—he also can't tell if the other person is actually crying or shedding crocodile tears. To appear calm in front of a crying person even though he's panicking internally, Noan will probably almost nod to every request he generally won't agree on.

Secret 8 He wants to be reincarnated as a seagull in his next life, yet he has never seen either the ocean or a seagull before he became a Structure.

Secret 9 Noan was infamous as a pigheaded person in Passenger Car N until he was 13 years old. Because he recurrently used to incite a reckless feud, he was referred to as a "prickly boy"[2] by the people in that car. The person in question, however, has neither seen a chestnut's burr nor a person getting stabbed by it so he never knew they were referring to him.

Secret 10 Even though he isn't particularly nit-picky when it comes to colors, Noan prefers shades of white that give off a pure and clean feel—it ranges from white fabric, white bird feathers, clear skies, a pristine piece of paper, and so on... But the only thing he hates among the pure white things is snow, especially an endless snowfield.

Secret 11 While he was easy to get along with and had hit off with many friends, Noan had very few close friends he cherished in all sincerity. He's somewhat dense when it comes to emotions and is constantly passive, as he never expressed his desires or his eagerness to someone he was just recently acquainted with—he's the type of person who'd like to know the other person well on top of closing the distance between them.

Secret 12 He would frankly express his emotions to close friends. When the other person shows an interesting reaction to his words, Noan will try to pull a prank using that word. Despite being aware that he still has a childish side, he doesn't plan on hiding this side of himself entirely from his close friends.

This is in reference to the Surviving Glimmer's main theme song.

This may possibly be a reference to the manga "Igakuri-kun" (Igakuri-kun: Young Judo Master) written by Fukui Eiichi.

#pgr #pgr noan #punishing gray raven

35 notes · View notes

trashlie · 10 months

Note

Love your thoughts on ep 231 ohmygod you (and poisonheart) summed everything up perfectly! What I would like to add for your consideration is that it feels like Nol indirectly projects his own fears about his situation with Shin-ae when he talks about Dieter. And it doesn't take away from his empathy for Dieter or his guilt, it's another layer for us readers to pick up on. "Those feelings take forever to vanish" and "it doesn't help that you spend time with him" and "all [stringing him along and being wishy-washy] does is prolong the pain" -- Nol fears this might happen to him if Shin-ae keeps insisting there's nothing between them, or if she rejects him and wants to stay "just friends". And it's obvious that he is absolutely not willing to go through that, not on top of everything else he's already dealing with. Dieter might be okay with being "just friends", that's his choice, but Nol knows he cannot take that same route. He doesn't have the willpower to swallow all his feelings and pretend like he's fine with being "just friends", especially when all the signs that she has similar feelings for him are there. That would be unbearable. I believe that is where, maybe just subconsciously, part of his frustration and this urgency, but also his resolution and "all in"-mindset come from. His options are just really limited.

Also. It needs to be said that Nol pushing Shin-ae to find the answer on her own instead of giving it to her was probably the best thing he could do. He gave her a lot to think about and evaluate when he implied that their shared moment was romantic and that Dieter also thinks that, and pointed out that it's him who she has a special connection with and not Dieter, that "because we're friends" doesn't explain her actions and behavior (and feelings) anymore. And then he topped it all off with the "convince me" and The Look™ (which I believe was a calculated move) that made her blush and avert her eyes for the 274th time in the past couple of hours, to really drive home that whatever this is, it doesn't fit the term "platonic" anymore. What is it then, to her? That's something she has to realize herself. It's not for him to tell her, to explain it to her. It's actually crazy that by rejecting her "we're friends" answer and kicking her out, he essentially said "come back when you've figured out that you're in love with me" LIKE. SCREAMS. People are saying he should've just told her how he feels, but... Time and place. What good would that even do when she's mad at him and still so stuck on the friendship thing? She's in no way prepared to hear a confession from him. It'd overwhelm and confuse her. And what kind of response would she even give in the state she's in, realistically? That'd be so messy and YELLS some people simply cannot appreciate the TENSION THE ANGST THE SUBTEXT ALL THE THINGS UNSPOKEN IN THE AIR BETWEEN THEM like come on we can have lil a miscommunication as a treat, especially when it fits the narrative… Y'all are gonna get your fluffy moments soon enough, let us enjoy the PAIN so that the payoff is much sweeter. GAH.

YELLS some people simply cannot appreciate the TENSION THE ANGST THE SUBTEXT ALL THE THINGS UNSPOKEN IN THE AIR BETWEEN THEM like come on we can have lil a miscommunication as a treat

YOU GET IT ANON YOU GET IT YOU ABSOLUTELY GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am screaming from the roof I am hanging off the gutters screaming YOU FUCKING GET IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Like, on some level I understand why people want to rush to a certain point want to jump to confirmations but to me IT'S NOT READY WE'RE NOT READY. I am into PINING I am into YEARNING I need a man to become VERY PATHETIC about the girl he likes I need him to writhe in agony over what he wants I need conflict I need the embarrassing realization about a character's feelings i need them blushing in the dark all alone with their stomach twisting up their heart rustling with all the butterflies trying to break out of their rib cage. I need them meeting and averting gazes and feeling so on display and so vulnerable and RAW i need them EMBARRASSED that they have feelings GROSS EWW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN i need subconcious dreams i need toes curling i need the want the want the WANT holding back bUT BARELY HOLDING BACK

I need tension SO GOOD SO DELECTABLE i'm bouncing off the walls and ceilings like a todder who just ate their way through all the sugar in the house. i need LOADED moments that make me throw down my phone i need the subtext!!!!!!!! I need to inject it in my veins and shriek like a banshee WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE WANT TO SKIP THIS PART WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO JUST JUMP TO THE NEXT PART THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF THIS IS! WHAT! ROMANCES ARE MADE OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's the things that lead up to it, it's the build up, it's the WANTING to crush them together the DYING FOR IT TO HAPPEN.

but anyway

lemme pretend to be normal about this for a bit

I think what's soooooo good about the subtext is YES all those things unsaid. That as much as Nol is speaking on Dieter's behalf - he speaks on his own. It's not that Shinae needs to figure out her feelings for Dieter's sake but for his own, too, because RIGHT because she is too important to him now THIS is too important it means too much and he WANTS IT TOO MUCH to be wishy wash to be half-assed to be either or not. And that's what is SO GOOD to me. He IS scared. He needs her to come to the realization, to face the truth and embrace it because he needs it to be true. He needs to know what he suspects is true.

scales the walls i'm sorry i lied i CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS I CANNOT BE NORMAL ABOUT THEM ANYMORE

He doesn't have the willpower to swallow all his feelings and pretend like he's fine with being "just friends", especially when all the signs that she has similar feelings for him are there. That would be unbearable.

Nol has spent so much of his time trying to close himself off, to isolate himself and to just seal himself away and then here's Shinae, mirroring him, chasing him down and trying to pull him out of every hole he tries to hide himself in. She is beating down his doors she is telling him at every opportunity that she loves him that he is important that she can't throw this all away.

And we've established before: Nol can't resist her. At all!!!!! He tries and he fails at every time. He tries to block her away but he still leaves her these openings. Like, he blocked her number but he STILL LOOKED AT HIS SPAM knowing what kind of message would be in there.

He tells himself he doesn't want it doesn't deserve it but he DOES. He LIKES that she cares. He LIKES that she sees him. He tried to make himself not care, but he wants it. He WAS disappointed when Shinae left after the dance - because he pushed her away again, because her hurt her again. He's so afraid of losing her at this point (I'm sure that's part of why he couldn't look at her at the time - not just that he was crying and doesn't want to be seen like that, but he must be scared, afraid that after he leaves this will all disappear she'll change her feelings it won't mean anything anymore) and when he pulled off the blindfold she was gone.

It's like.... kind of like Shinae says - they've been through so much together. But because he's aware of those feelings now - because he knows what she means to him, he CAN'T go back. Going back to just friends? After she's pushed for him after she's fought for him after she's boxed down his walls?

How can he go back to it? HOW?

Shinae made him open up, too. He has revealed so much more to her than I think he's revealed to others. Alyssa probably knows more about his life than Soushi and Dieter, but I think he's revealed more to Shinae. She made him care and how can go back to being "just friends".

Usually I hate that argument but in his case, I get it. Shinae is so important to him, means so much (HE LITERALLY IS ALIVE BECAUSE OF HER AT THIS POINT) and to go back to just.... not feeling this? To being just friends? We've watched him reach out to her SO MANY TIMES and deny himself. And now that he has? Now that he's reached out now that he has felt these things? It would be so unbearable!

What is it then, to her? That's something she has to realize herself. It's not for him to tell her, to explain it to her. It's actually crazy that by rejecting her "we're friends" answer and kicking her out, he essentially said "come back when you've figured out that you're in love with me" LIKE. SCREAMS.

GOD I KNOW I KNOW I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW SCREAMS AND SCURRIES UP THE WALL AGAIN

I LOVE that he's leaving it to her. I fully think Shinae has been, partly, influenced by Dieter's feelings for her. Would she have started to feel anything for him if she didn't know he already likes her? Would she have seen anything in the way he looks at her if she didn't know it already? And I FULLY think Nol confessing at this time would have made things worse - it would confuse her! And I think it would probably make her avoid him. I don't think she'd be able to handle it if he confessed because she doesn't even know her own feelings, let alone how to handle his. And BECAUSE his feelings are intricately tied to hers in relation to what Dieter oversaw it would absolutely influence her own feelings.

She's got to be able to come to this realization herself because, frankly, she's been confessing to him ALL fucking night long. She keeps telling him how important he is to her, what he means to her! But she doesn't understand WHY he's important to her. She doesn't understand WHY she's putting all her energy into hanging on to him, into tethering him to her. And as much it's not fair to Dieter, it's also not fair to Nol, either, for those confused feelings to go on all tangled up. But likewise, Nol IS telling her how he feels, too - just, you know. Subtextually.

Comparing their relationship to Dieter's to illuminate just how different they, how much more intense theirs is compared to what she has with Dieter. That fucking LINE the "not even as friends" ;______; It's about the way she elevates Nol above him, the way she will drop everything for him. He knows it! Dieter can see it! But she can't see it for what it is yet and he needs her to. He keeps showing her what he feels by telling her what Dieter saw. That it wasn't just platonic - not from him. She's so insistent it didn't mean anything that it's not romantic even though HE WAS LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT. HE WAS COMMANDING HER TAKE OFF HER SHOES LIKE THAT. She was getting SO WORKED UP about that moment!!!!!! THIS MAN ASKED HER TO DANCE IN THE MOST INTENSE FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SHE IS CONVINCED IT'S SO PLATONIC JUST

JUST FUCKING

/SCREAMS/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thinking about it from Dieter's POV is really NUTS, too, because he sees the things Shinae doesn't know how to identify. Even before the whole dancing thing (the idea of DIETER seeing the Shinae that Nol didn't, seeing how happy she was, how much fun she was having), thinking about like.... it really starts when Shinae gives him her gift, right? She gets SO EMBARRASSED - SO SHY about him seeing it and she thinks it's so simple and that it can't compare bUT IT DOES. It's a call back to their early days, the whole "you don't suck that much" akjakfkafkjafjkafkjfkjfa THE WAY WE DON'T SEE HIS EYES WE JUST SEE HIM LOOK OVER AT HER SO SHY TRYING NOT TO TAKE NOTICE and then suddenly he's just. OVERCOME. He's reaching out he's touching her hair!!!!!!!!!!! She isn't even pulling away!!!!!!!! He's leaning in they're so close they're just IN EACH OTHER'S SPACE and imagine it from his POV, how he's seeing it, that chemistry that just EXISTS between them, that intimacy and tenderness that's just LOADED and how he can probably feel it so heavy in the pit of his stomach because could he ever be so bold? No, never. Could he reach out and touch her like that? Encroach on her space? Sit so close to her? The flirting with the finger dancing and their giggles and the ease they're just SO EFFORTLESS and he doesn't have that and he knows it and he's known all along but now he has to ACCEPT it now he has to face the reality that everything he worried about everything he feared is true that there's no room for him in between them there and LJFAKKFKAFLAFKJAF

IT'S SO INSANE that she's just like BUT IT WAS JUST FRIENDS

There's nothing "friends" about that babes and Nol knows it and Dieter knows it and we know it but SHE needs to come to the conclusion. She needs to wake up and realize that oh my god that's why it all matters that's what it all means that's why she's fighting so hard that's why he's so important. And then being able to see all the things he said to her between the lines, what it meant for Dieter to oversee that I just

ROARS JUST SCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOP

I'm SO glad Nol hasn't confessed! It would be SO messy! It would make things so much worse it would hurt so much for EVERYONE. She's gotta sort out her feelings! Nol is really good at reading her, and he knows how to push her in the right direction. It's not the right time. I think maybe people who want him to confess don't see it that way - that it would be so overwhelming and probably scare her off. i mean, even coming to the realization on her own will probably give her a scare, but it's different when she realizes that oh, I'M in love with him AS WELL as oh god HE'S IN LOVE WITH ME? compared to him confessing and leaving her feeling even more confused

like don't get me wrong there's a part of me that likes to imagine him just BREAKING and bursting out that "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, OKAY! IT DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING TO ME" but I do prefer the canon. That's just good for a nice moment of imagined dramatics, you know?

But also. YEAH. We just. We need to RIDE OUT SOME NICE YEARNING AND FEELINGS AND ANGST FIRST. I'm pretty sure it won't last. Quimchee doesn't like drawing these things out and Shinae's confused feelings are a clear subversion of "girl does not realize she's in love" so I am confident the truth is going to hit her, but until then I want to enjoy the writhing and the ache!!!! Because that's what makes it SO MUCH BETTER when they can finally admit it!!!!!!! Where's the fun in jumping right to it? I want to SAVOR this so that when they can admit it, when they can say the words, when they can face the reality, it feels SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!! There's so much RELIEF!!!!!!!

I'm fully certain we'll see that before Nol goes to jail - the whole of this confrontation would mean NOTHING if he leaves while things are unresolved. The entirety of this whole ovearching arc of his return would be undone and leave us right back where we were, with no resolution, no one knowing where they stand. So like. Come on guys, it's coming just sit back and enjoy this ride a bit. When you think about it we haven't even been in this stage long! Like WE've been watching them fall in love this whole time, we've been watching them find a home in each other, we've been watching their souls come together intertwine and connect and imprint but THEY haven't sat with this long at all. Nol ONLY JUST REALIZED he has feelings.

HE HASN'T PINED YET AND I NEED HIM TO PINE I NEED HIM TO BE A LIL PATHETIC ABOUT HER I NEED HIM TO WRING HER HEADBAND AROUND IN HIS HANDS A LIL MORE AND SQUIRM WITH ALL THESE THOUGHTS THAT HE KEEPS TRYING TO FIGHT OUT OF HIS BRAIN THAT WON'T GO AWAY

I need Shinae to have an awakening dream about all the subtext all the things unsaid all the subconscious feelings she isn't aware of creeping in and if involves them kissing then WHO AM I TO SAY NO?

I cannot be normal anymore I'm sorry but I AM going to be unhinged and scream about them AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #I CANNOT BE NORMAL ANYMORE OKAY I WILL NOT PRETEND TO BE NORMAL #I AM SO HEAD OVER HEELS UNHINGED OVER HERE I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS AND I WILL NOT SHUT UP #look man #friends to lovers is MY SHIT #mutual pining IS MY SHIT #i need some pining and yearning to really enjoy my ship you know?#also frankly yes Nol did the best thing he could possibly do under these conditions and i will not accept anyone saying otherwise #it's a messy situation and there's no clean way of doing anything #but this is the best we can do and i'm eager to watch it play out #a lot of heavy conversations have to be had and aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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electroniccollectiondonut · 4 months

Text

Monthly Rec Lists In 2024: New Year's Day

For the last four or five years my New Year's resolution has been to get fit but I keep not doing that so this year my resolution is one I know can complete: making rec lists! So for the first rec list of the year I'm reccing some fics I read for the first time in 2023! I've tagged the authors' Tumblr if I could find one, otherwise I've just linked their Ao3.

Regularly Scheduled Miracles by TheSingingHoneybee (@starshinemaiden)

The thing about soulmates when you are a royal is that you don't get to keep them. Wu's mother's was shipped to the Outer Ring. His father's, never spoken of. His great aunt's was imprisoned if you believe the rumors. Wu believes the rumors. And when Wu becomes Prince Wu, heir to the Earth Throne, over night, his chances of finding and keeping his soulmate drop to zero. But despite that, when a soulmark appears on his arm the very evening of meeting his new, hot, firebending bodyguard, Wu can't feel anything but joy. The thing about soulmarks when you have a job that frequently leaves you bruised to hell and back is that sometimes you don't notice them until days later and now you don't know who caused them to appear. And the thing about being Prince Wu's newest bodyguard is that Mako has met so many people in the last week that his soulmate could be half of Republic City. The other thing about being Prince Wu's newest bodyguard is that half of Mako doesn't want to think too hard about his soulmate might be because there is no way someone like him would get so lucky as to have the next Earth Monarch as a soulmate no matter how lofty Mako's taste in people runs.

Cruising for a Bruising by kalechipbuoy

Crozier makes Fitzjames cry and cry and cry. Eventually, they reach something like an understanding.

Warm Sun, Fine Jade by DummyDipl0d0cus

Lan Xichen’s hair is up in a simple bun, careless. It’s a change from his half-tied hair. It uncovers his shoulders and neck, and Wen Ning gets a sinking feeling that they look more delicate now than ever. “Please stay warm, and eat well,” Wen Ning adds softly. Lan Xichen doesn’t say anything, just bows his head. Wen Ning turns to leave after a few long moments, as much as he doesn’t want to. Then hears the quietest request. “It’s raining. Please stay until it’s over?” - How Wen Ning helps Lan Xichen heal, and how Lan Xichen does the same for Wen Ning.

The Severing of Webs by chlodobird (@chlodobird-creations)

After Jon kills the world, he travels back in time. Once there, he gets ready to change the future, to save his Assistants, and to watch as everyone learns to hate him again. Unfortunately, the tapes wrap around him like a fly caught in a Web—he can't move. He's trapped reliving the original timeline, stuck acting out his past actions like an actor rehearsing his lines. Sasha will die. Tim will die. Martin— (Jon screams inside his mind, and someone hears him. Fate is not as immutable as he fears.)

Chameleonic by recrudescence (@re-crudescence)

When River finally takes a fall, the result of an ill-conceived equation and a screwdriver on the cargo bay floor, Mal gives her a knowing look and totes her to the infirmary.

7 rings by butterflywings6

random people watching kanej be rich and in love <3

Look into the Mirror (Tell Me What You See) by Drag0nSt0rm (@sweetteaanddragons)

His best guess for what had happened was some kind of head injury, given that he recognized almost nothing and had no idea what was going on. With few clues to work with, he was either going to have to confess the truth or bluff frantically. Gil-Galad had never in his life decided to confess anything.

A Little Mishap by Asidian (@asidian)

When the dust clears – and it is a frightful amount of dust, all told – Astarion is marginally surprised to see that no one has been left a bloody smear on the cave floor. Really, he can't be blamed for assuming the worst. The boulder is the size of the tunnel, nearly, the sort of impending doom that ranks with gale-force winds and approaching dragons on the list of things that might inspire a man to pray to any gods kind enough to lend an ear. Astarion isn't that sort – any god who might have granted him a boon has had centuries of prayers they might have chosen to answer before this, after all – and yet here they stand, miraculously intact, as though some deity just so happened to have glanced their way at just this moment. Perhaps Wyll is a religious man.

Underwater by euromagpie

About him, the world swam in dizzying degrees, pulsated with the throb of the veins at his temples. Beneath him, his legs, protesting against the movement like a couple of libertines, had gone frustratingly jelly like, and Hodgson stumbled, a landsman at sea, and crashed into the wall opposite. The wood was so cool, and he sank his burning forehead against it gratefully, for once gladly accepting of the biting freeze that prowled the desolate landscape. Booted feet clomped past his door and he jerked his eyes open, not having realised he'd closed them. Christ alive, but he wanted to stay there - in fact, he'd love simply to crumble and wait out the end of his days in a tidy pile of gormless flesh and lazy bones right in this place. Above them, Terror's bell rang in the turn of the watch, and Hodgson realised his plans of embracing mortality would have to wait. He had things to do.

That's 'Cause I Got People With Me by Castlewood_Bard (@r1ver-6)

Mal has to be sure he knows his crew

Beyond the Reaches of a Long-lost Life by elvntari

Feanor is reembodied at long last and Elrond attempts to reconcile the image that he has of him in his mind with the image of the man standing before him.

Fever Dreaming by dramatispersonae

Gerry encounters a plot by a nascent avatar of the Corruption. It should be straightforward enough to deal with, especially considering his apparently ongoing… "alliance" with Michael. But when have things in his life actually been as simple as they appear?

The World Was Young by Drag0nst0rm (@sweetteaanddragons)

This was not what Maglor had expected when he retreated to his brother's stronghold.

A Taste of Home by Twice2Ennien

"It's good, right?" Koveyook grinned all the way to his eyes, watching John's matching expression. This was the feeling that had drawn his family to restaurants: the warmth, the radiating comfort of a good meal, shared. John made a satisfied sound in the back of his throat, nodding. He covered his mouth as though tempted to speak but thought better of it. Still chewing, he took hold of Koveyook's right wrist and squeezed his thanks instead.

Refiner's Fire by JediRobertHogan

The men knew Hogan looked after them—more than was typical of a commander and his crew. It was in the little things, the details of everyday life, yet sometimes it struck them in undeniable ways. They saw Colonel Hogan as more than a commanding officer, and knew, somehow, that he saw them differently too. - or - Four times Colonel Hogan took care of his men, and one time they took care of him.

Wanted: Dead and Alive by Astereae (@astereaes)

“Hey, I do I... Do I know you?” Danny asks, a hand coming up to brush something off Tim’s cheek. “No,” Tim says. “We haven’t met.” “Oh, no, I do.” Danny says, and he smiles, teeth white and sharp. “You’re that guy who rearranged my guts!” Rearranged his- Tim glances at the knotted scars on the boy’s abdomen. He can see the shine and shadow of haphazard stitches that weren’t meant to hold forever, that tore and healed over. His- This- “WHAT!?” Nightwing shouts, equal parts confused and delighted. Tim’s fucked. OR Danny Fenton's been in GIW captivity for 4 months. Tim Drake gets kidnapped by the GIW one Tuesday evening in May. Considering how many of the Bats and the Birds have died and come back to life, it was only a matter of time for some people interested in the afterlife to come poking around. The detectives can't seem to uncover any information about the mysterious white vans, however. And they keep losing the mysterious boy who seems to be the one person in Gotham to know anything at all.

Like Melting Ice by pointyshades (@oughtnots)

Francis Crozier dies. Turns out he can't even do that right.

You missed a spot by Lookingkindofdumb (@lookingkindofdumb)

It is just like Dean, Sam thinks, to befriend the man who has chased them across the US in hopes of bringing them home in cuffs. AU where Victor survives and decides to become a hunter. He doesn’t stick around with them for long but they bump into him on occasion.

A Shot's Distance by Blue_Sparkle (@asparklethatisblue)

After digging the bullet out of James Fitzjames’ ribs, Dr Stanley kept it as a memento. A man needs something to hold on to while quietly pining after a friend after all.

we know nothing (so we hope) by TolkienGirl (@thelonelybrilliance)

Sometimes, Neal wonders if Kate loves him. (Mostly, not in so many words.)

A Pavlovian Approach to Honesty by Stratisphyre

“Are you feeling compelled to tell us anything?” Lan Xichen asked. “Not precisely. It does feel nice. I hadn’t associated honesty with anything pleasant before now.” “I don’t think you’ll appreciate this in the morning,” Nie Mingjue muttered. “Do you want us to leave you be? Or gag you?” “I’m finding this entire affair curiously enjoyable, actually,” Meng Yao stated.

Now Sure As the Sun Will Cross the Sky by providing_leverage (@providing-leverage)

Dean Winchester wakes up in his car quietly, heart racing. He reaches for his stomach where the metal bar or pipe or whatever it was had been but there’s nothing but flannel and leather. Leather he’d long ago lost. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and digs a phone from one of the pockets of his Dad’s jacket. Flips it open to check the date. “Well shit.”

Zapped by unholygrass (orphaned)

Gavin Reed used to think androids couldn't feel pain. He's proven wrong. He may hate Connor's fucking guts, but he wouldn't wish this on anyone.

#monthly rec lists 2024 #fic rec #my recs #okay so theres some recency bias toward the terror #but i made sure to get at least one from every fandom i read in this year so it evens out alright #if you know the tumblr url of any author i havent @'ed please let me know and i'll add it!#all the fics in this post are complete but that wont always be the case #also i'm more than happy to give commentary on any of these recs if you want #just shoot me an ask #also there are like 20 recs here but this is a years worth of reading #the monthly lists will probably be more like 5

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okashiras · 2 years

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Why do you think duffer brothers decided to revisit stancy and do you think they're gonna keep exploring them in season 5?

why indeed? i've been asking myself the same question. the only reason i can come up with is it's probably more interesting from a writing standpoint??

they have made steve romantic to the core (i mean, the reason he was thrusted into this world in the first place is because he loved nancy so much that he went back to fight the demogorgon for her) but still had no clear resolution in sight. they were almost building up a potential romance for him in s3 but ultimately didn't (and were better for it, frankly). and (fortunately for them, i guess) the steve/nancy breakup was written clumsily enough that steve's longing gaze in the end of s2 can be interpreted as an ellipsis to their story instead of actual closure.

nancy pairing up with jonathan never did push either of their characters forward. it was like events were written solely for the sake of getting them together and so when they finally did, the writers didn't know what to do with them anymore. (eg, putting nancy in the will exorcism group in s2 where she did nothing but stand and sweat while jonathan held onto her sometimes, etc) and their friction in s3 only proved their (totally valid) differences were more fundamental than anything that it's probably become difficult to justify writing how they're a good match for each other.

it’s a season of retcon and course correction lmfao!! from brenner being alive somehow to changing eleven’s memory of how the gate opened, etc etc, they were probably more willing to cut their losses and that includes jonathan/nancy?? ...and jonathan’s character too which is a shame but i dunno, maybe they can still salvage that by defining him outside of being a brother/son/boyfriend. is it clumsy writing? yeah, but i mean, the writing has always been kinda clumsy lmfao!! i’m just gonna stay in my corner and eat my meal, thanks.

exploring steve/nancy would be consistent to the overarching theme of this season, which is confronting one's past pain/trauma. for nancy, that's always been barb's demise. and the writers probably realized how steve has a significant role there too, and how that's what led to the dissolution of their relationship, and how they have both changed as a result, and how nancy can ultimately absolve herself (and their relationship) of that guilt. their feelings resurfacing again after they have both matured and grown would mean they broke up not for lack of affection for each other but because they didn't know how to deal with grief and trauma at the time, and that they're better-equipped and are in a better position to overcome it as they are now. and that seems pretty realistic (and more interesting) to me if i were writing?? over "shared trauma" as a reason to push forward a romance without even unpacking what that means anyway lol

they are both well-defined characters on their own and are tied to their own specific genre reference that their storylines converging felt like magic, frankly. why not add a little romance there too as a treat?

the narrative symmetry of it is sexy???

the impression i got from this video is the duffers just throw steve these random storylines and he sticks the landing magnificently every time because he’s so great. and i’m buying into this s4 stancy renaissance 2022 obviously i’m sorry they just hit different if you get it then you get it

i dunno what’s in store for s5 other than apparently there’s gonna be a timeskip? i think what’s important in closing s4 is they finally meet eye-to-eye as they are now, so that whatever happens in the time before s5 (whether they break up or take the next step in the relationship or whatever else), they’re doing it as themselves?? that is, not hindered by trauma, guilt, etc.

#st blogging #stancy #i mean u wanted 2 hear my opnion so......deal w....whatever this is..#anyway the reason is definitely not bc of fanservice as we all have learned these past few weeks ahaha!!!

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modkatisbacc · 4 months

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Planned Stories for 2024!

Might as well Try this whole... Schedule thing out for a New Year's Resolution. Below are stories that I am working on/will be working on in the coming year, that will stop being on hiatus and will be updated by me. Or else.

World of Warcraft:

PSTD: My Oc's World of Warcraft story that takes place on an Alternate Azeroth! Canon is OUT the window, and everyone ends up traumatized because of it.

Come Together: The sequel to PSTD, will probably not be a thing until much later next year, since I'm only on chapter 3 of PSTD (Which I'm soft rewriting, I like whatever I did last time for once.)

Death And All His Friends (Viva La Vida): Eventual Fairshaw fic in which both Flynn and Taelia are turned into Death Knights following a tragedy at sea.

After All This Time, It's Still You: Katiann thinks back on the last ten years. (Half completed, two chapters whole moly my second completed fic soon??) Katiann's first sidestory.

Gen:lock:

Time Stands In A Duel (And I Stand For You) *TSIAD for short* My only GL Story currently. I haven't looked at it since I made it and I thought it was horrible, but I got a comment saying they were wondering when I was going to write the next chapter, sooo ITS BACK BABY. Eventually.

The GL Time-Travel fic. Will the gang make things better, or worse? *Not compliant with Season 2*

Ninjago:

The Only Ones: An unpublished fic in progress where Lloyd and Pixal time travel back to the events of season three. We need more Lloyd and Pixal friendship.

An Unlikely Team: The RWBY/Ninjago Crossover. Long before time had a name, Ninjago was besieged by the forces of darkness, creatures of Grimm.

Legend state that the great and powerful Oni had left them behind as a warning that they would truly never be gone from the realm, and have spawned indefinitely for milliennia. In the present, teenagers all over Ninjago are taught how to fight this force of darkness, if they choose to do so.

These monsters go after anyone that are left unguarded, from villages, to towns with no defense. It is now up to the chosen Huntsmen and Huntresses of the next generation to continue this line- or end it once and for all.

HomeScapes: Since I am a horrible human being, I stayed up until past 7 am last night and could not stop thinking about Homescapes. Just a bunch of cute stuff with horror undertones bc It’d be funny if the player character was just the shadowy figure that loomed over everyone and just wanted to help fix stuff, with no one scared or even surprised about you.

To See You Again: Katherine Broom was excited that her childhood best friend (and crush) Austin had returned to town. When she learned that he was trying to restore his childhood home, she dropped everything to help him, even her training to become a protector of nature.

“It’s like you have magic!”

“It’s… not magic… Austin. I’ve just worked with nature and plants all of my life is all.”

It was definitely magic, and you grit your teeth and smile hoping that he doesn’t think anything is up.

You glance at the shadow person that towers over the two of you. They give you a thumbs up.

(Did I add horror elements via the player character? Yeah don’t worry about it)

Original Stories:

WTF, ModKat! Series: A series of strange dreams and or nightmares made into stories.

Let Her Into Your Heart: Your name is Jude, you are twenty-five years old, and every five years on your birthday you run away. From everything. You were on your way to celebrate your birthday when you jumped out of your dad’s car and are now on the run.. but what are you running from?

Subway Killer: You are world renowned investigator, and your biggest case leads you to an abandoned subway tunnel… where you find that the suspect for several murders has been hiding.

#THAT IS IT #For Now #Technically don't have a RWBY story #Outside of that crossover #Ninjago #gen:lock #genlock #warcraft #world of warcraft #There you guys go :)

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ameyareadstoomuch · 1 year

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normal people - sally rooney

summary: "Normal People is the story of mutual fascination, friendship and love. It takes us from that first conversation to the years beyond, in the company of two people who try to stay apart but find that they can’t."

personal opinions:

this book was a masterpiece- truly. i know that “booktok” has their own misconstrued and one dimensional opinions on “normal people” and on a lot of promising and trailblazing work in general, but i vehemently disagree with most points of theirs. one primary gripe that most readers online have is the book’s lack of quotation marks. i wanted to quickly address why i think this is- and why this stylistic choice is so important for the plot.

quotation marks separate the said from the unsaid. in a book where everything misaligns and aligns in tandem to the main characters weaving in and out of themselves and one another, everything can get misconstrued- reality is subjective, things are unsaid that should have been and things are said that shouldn’t have been. the “confusion” caused by this lack of punctuation is entirely intentional. it adds to the book in a deeply profound and impressive way. we don’t know what is said and thought, we see all of this from a viewer’s perspective, like it’s playing out in front of us and we’re telling a close friend about it in a coffee shop. we only get the thoughts, feelings, and opinions that the characters give us, nothing more and nothing less.

i was truthfully and naturally disappointed about the book’s ending- i hated the way it seemed incredibly sudden and cold. it was like it gave me just enough to become invested but not enough to feel content. i hated how connell and marianne never ended up sickeningly happy with a white picket fence. however, this ending was soul-achingly perfect for the book. it would be against its nature and unnatural for connell and marianne to give us anything more than “just barely enough”. it feels full circle in a gritty and truthful way. i loved this book so so much- it had me crying and laughing and changed my outlook on my life and my past connections quite a bit.

there was a review on amazon that i wanted to bring up: “I don’t understand what the plot of the book was, or what the point of the story is. I wish I could have my time back. I guess maybe that’s the point of the book? That there is no point. Who knows. Not me. That’s for sure”

i thought this was incredibly interesting because of the person being right to a degree (besides wanting my time back). they’re right- there is no “plot” in this book because it’s supposed to be heavilyy realistic. there is no climax, there is no rising action, no falling action, no exposition, no resolution, no nothing. there is nothing, it’s the story of two people coming in and out of each others lives and leaving bits and pieces of themselves behind in the other’s clutches each time they visit. it’s a story about gray areas, shared bathrooms, human connection, and painful illustration. if you want a book that offers a break from your existentialistic trains of thought, maybe stick to colleen hoover or penelope douglas instead. this book isn’t a “light read”. this book is raw and deep, incredibly nostalgic, and undeniably brilliant.

i don’t usually do this, but i wanted to include some of my favorite quotes below:

“She believes Marianne lacks “warmth,” by which she means the ability to beg for love from people who hate her.”

“I'm not a religious person but I do sometimes think God made you for me.”

“It was culture as class performance, literature fetishised for its ability to take educated people on false emotional journeys, so that they might afterwards feel superior to the uneducated people whose emotional journeys they liked to read about.”

“Being alone with her is like opening a door away from normal life and then closing it behind him.”

“Because of the white dress and because of the small white china cup, he wants to say: You look like an angel. It’s not even something Helen would mind him saying, but he can’t talk like that in front of people anyway, saying whimsical affectionate things.”

“Cherries hang on the dark-green trees like earrings. He thinks about this phrase once or twice. He would put it in an email to Marianne, but he can’t email her when she’s downstairs. Helen wears earrings, usually a pair of tiny gold hoops. He lets himself fantasise about her briefly because he can hear the others are downstairs anyway. He thinks about her lying on her back. He should have thought about it in the shower, but he was tired. He needs the WiFi code for this house.”

“He has sincerely wanted to die, but he has never sincerely wanted Marianne to forget about him. That’s the only part of himself he wants to protect, the part that exists inside her.”

#book recommendations #booktok #bookish #book review #booklr #currently reading #bibliophile #read in 2022 #authors #literature #normal people #sally rooney #book blog

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the-heaminator · 10 months

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@apersonwholikeslotus's admittedly late birthday gift, Have the spy fic, bastard <3

Featuring: Mental breakdowns, attempted dissociation, cuddling and children being children

Morning came....and went, Arthur had set an alarm for 7 in the morning, they didn't have to clock in today so at least they were safe on that frontier, but neither woke up from it, both were simply not present in this current dimension whatsoever, Arthur's face was buried deeply into Ivan's strangely soft chest, and his nose ad nearly nuzzling Arthur's greying hair, but neither woke with the alarm, no matter how loud it rang.

They just slept through it, clearly, their bodies were trying to make up for lost time or something because neither usually slept this deep, or this long, they had both slept sometime past midnight, and now it was two in the afternoon, about 14 hours sleep was not something they were used to, not in one night at least, they'd both gone entire weeks on less sleep than they had gotten that night, and if you add the four hours they slept earlier, that was 18 hours of the past 36 being spent asleep. That was half the bloody time!

Arthur was the one that stirred first, he tried to stretch but was inhibited by Ivan's arm, warm, soft, but also very strong, oh he would not be moving anytime soon, not if sleepy Ivan had anything to say about it, he tried to move, he really did, but just as he had gotten somewhat somewhere, Ivan grabbed him back down and snuggled him like one would do to a teddy bear.

Well, it couldn't be that late could it, he could have a bit of a lie in, goodness knows when was the last time he did that eh? Not 5 minutes later he was back into a deep sleep, 2 and a half more hours, it was four thirty in the fucking afternoon, and only then did Ivan get up, not even wanting to get up, he needed to piss, only then he realised that he was hugging the everliving fuck out of Arthur, and let him go, which did wake him up, albeit slowly, they both squinted in the light, what bloody time was it????

Turns out waking up at four fucking thirty in the afternoon was not something they had even considered the possibility of last night. That just simply was not something they thought they were even capable of doing and had of course not factored it into the schedule, because why would they, Ivan checked the clock, Arthur was sleepy and couldn't see it very clearly at the best of times, he just usually kind of guessed based on what he could see, usually an hour or at least 5 minutes off.

Ivan stared at the clock for a while "Ivan, what is it?"

He spoke oddly "Arthur, am i going blind or does the clock say 4.35?"

Arthur looked at it, it looked close enough to what Ivan said, and he agreed, albeit mildly "Yes, i do think it is 4.30 in the afternoon."

Neither of them pointed out that they had very much been cuddling not a couple minutes before, that would fuck with the severity of the situation, besides, what could they do, from this point onwards they would be doing this more often, so why not start getting used to it, and oddly enough it was very comfortable for the both of them, neither received much physical touch normally, nor really at all, this was likely the most either had been held earnestly in decades, and neither could bring themselves to hate it right now.

Ivan got up, "I should be heading home, i have already stayed long enough, and you probably have things to do."

Strangely Arthur didn't want him to leave, not just yet at least, don't ask him why, he did not know, "Don't we have a couple more things to sign?"

Ivan groaned and very resolutely said "Fuck paperwork, sincerely with a chainsaw, but i do have to go home, these clothes are not going to last much longer, we need them signed by the end of the week no? You sign the documents you need to, pass me the ones I need to, job agreements you know, and anything that needs both signatures on them, you do first and drop it by whenever."

That was absurdly logical and he couldn't really come up with anything against it, but then remembered "Wait, we can at least do the marriage agreement now can't we?"

Ivan raised his eyebrows, Arthur was acting a little erratic, he was usually a lot more controlled than this, like a lot more, he hadn't eaten anything odd, had he? Ivan was watching whatever he ate, and knowing Arthur it was unlikely that he ate anything before or after that, so what was up?

Arthur himself didn't frankly know, he was feeling odd himself but had no clue why, he mentally cursed when he saw Ivan looking at him with genuine concern, this wasn't cause for concern probably, he just needed to get the work done, yes, that was it, if there was anything else underlying then it is doubtful that even Arthur would know what it was, so let him have his fun.

"Arthur, you are acting strange, are you hungry?"

That was completely fucking out of the blue, since when did being hungry made him act strange, bullshit this was, yes, why were his thoughts so fast, they weren't usually like this, more controlled, more precise, less erratic, they were jumping around and he couldn't catch head or tail of any of them, what the fuck was going on, he needed his tea, yes that, why was Ivan looking t him like that. why did he want to hit him, rather why didn't he want to hit him, he would hit anyone else that looked at him with, that wasn't pity, that wasn't concern, what the fuck was that?

"Arthur?"

Breathe.

"Yes, Ivan?"

"I asked whether you were hungry, but you didn't respond, are you?"

Was he hungry, probably not, so he answered as much.

Ivan most certainly was hungry, but they may have used all of the food Arthur had in his house for their meal yesterday, so he couldn't even cook anything "Fine, then shall we sign the marriage agreement and then I have to be off."

The agreement was signed, as any little piece of paper would be, this wasn't real of course, this meant nothing, nothing at all, Arthur gave him the papers that only he needed to sign and deal with, and with that Ivan bid his farewell, leaving Arthur alone once more.

It all of a sudden just felt very empty, his house never felt like this, not even when he hadn't slept in his bed for a week or more, or when it was clean to the point of it almost being sterile, it felt many things, but not just plain empty.

He fiddled with his ring, caught himself doing it, and stopped it, Ivan had gotten into his head far too quickly, though a nagging part of his mind insisted that he had always been there, ever since they first met each other thirty-odd years ago, he never left really, and this was just making it worse.

He never wanted to tell his mind to shut up more than he did now, what on earth was even going on in his head right now to be thinking like that, it almost bordered on disgust really, he never acted like this, no wonder Ivan thought him to be acting odd because he was acting fucking odd, maybe he was hungry? Nah screw that, he wasn't, last night's dinner(?) was bigger and better than he was used to eating, he was full.

He just had to get back to his work, yes, and he needed his bloody tea.

As for Ivan, he could've walked home, but chose not to, the buses were running just fine and even after that extremely extended nap they took, he was tired, he was not normally this tired, not at all, he also found himself fiddling with the ring, the blasted thing was just a little too small, that was fucking embarrassing wasn't it, he could still somehow feel Arthur's lingering touch on his hands, kind yet firm, he'd never truly thought about that before, well he had but he was never particularly aware of it when he did think so, maybe just in passing, perhaps?

As you can see neither are particularly in tune with their personal thoughts, not at all, and all of a sudden that was literally the only thing he could think of.

Something was off, a small sensation never stayed in his mind this long, he could deal with broken limbs easier than he was dealing with this, the all-consuming need for simple touch had taken over and he had no idea why, he should not have slept with Arthur, that was probably what caused this, I mean what else could, he hadn't gotten particularly close to anyone before or since.

This was bullshit, his door was stiff as usual and he had to ram into it a bit, he really needed to clean his house, besides he would be moving out quite soon, he would have to get to work, no matter how much he hated cleaning, he had to do it, and he was good at it quite frankly, he knew exactly how to get many choice stains out of clothing, lemon juice helped with a lot of them, and it wasn't nearly as harsh as using bleach to get blood and shit out of his curtains.

Eh, where was he again?

He needed groceries, yes, that was what he needed, he was hungry as all fuck right now, and he knew for a fact that his fridge was empty, he hadn't the time to go get stuff lately, but first he needed a shower, and new clothes, he was fine sleeping in a shirt and all but it wasn't that comfortable he wouldn't really do it if he had a choice, he did not then, plus it would clear his mind, yes.

Too much had happened, and all of a sudden everything just sank in, he knew he was meant to be a parent, a husband, he had been many things at many times in his life, spy, killer, arsonist, criminal, saviour. He had been many things.

A parent and husband, he had done separately, for short periods of time maybe, and even these were getting to be a while ago, they were n longer used for high profile missions often, not as the main at least, they were limited to the dirty work now, because they were good at it. This was not dirty work, this was acting, he was a good actor, but together he had not done. Especially not for a long time.

Hell, he was supposed to be a father, how would he fucking do that? He could barely remember his father, and what he did remember was not particularly good, a lot of shouting, then it was only his sisters, this was a long time ago, what would he do, what would he fucking do, his heart sank like a stone, he didn't want to fuck up the kids, they were bright, bubbly children, every one of them, he didn't want to fuck them up.

Shit, shit, shit this was not good, could he pull out yet?

No, he probably couldn't, Yao was decisive, he wouldn't turn back on a decision unless he fully cocked up the mission, which he would frankly do if the children weren't involved, he had his own reasons, but he had already not much left of his humanity, there wasn't even much, to begin with, but even that was chiselled away over time, but the children still had all of it intact, he couldn't just shatter that because he was being a selfish prick.

Jesus Arthur's vocabulary was wearing off on him, Mother Mary save him because he knows not of what to do otherwise, shower, he was going for a shower before all of this hit him like a bowling ball, yes he could do a shower.

Picked himself up off the bed and was gone, to wash his worries away as it was, or maybe even just ignore them for a bit, even that would help. He was not an anxious person, but this rush of fear was more than he had experienced in decades, even when his own life was at stake there was less fear, and he had no clue why.

Neither of them did, Arthur was not good with children, he wasn't good with people at all, described to be a weasel in how he could get out of tight corners and could not be trusted, Ivan a bear, brute force and intimidation, neither of these was particularly known to be caring, not to each other and scarcely to anybody else.

So why were they so worried?

Arthur broke out in a sweat, hurried into the bathroom, and hurled his guts into the kitchen sink, why? He wasn't ill, what the fuck was this, he was just fine, and then he proceeded to hurl up more.

His head fucking hurt, he needed to stop, he had already slept enough, and he had eaten enough, so what was up.

He would deal with that later, bent over the sink, he looked at himself in the mirror, a right mess he was, he couldn't focus on himself in the mirror, he didn't look this old, nor this pale normally-wait why was he crying, what the fuck was going on, why was his heart doing this, pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears, what happened, it needed to stop.

Had this happened before? What do you do?

Water on the face, count to four, breathe, and move on. He did not have time for...whatever this was.

This was not normal, he had to get, and keep his shit together, he was good at it normally, he could deal with this, once he figured out what it was, but first, he needed to sit down, fully dizzy he was, blurry and multicoloured, a little lie down would help, yes. He had to be at full capacity tomorrow, he had to get to work on time and get the shit signed.

He couldn't let Yao, or Ivan down, not the kids, and somehow this felt worse than the possibility of losing his own life. What the fuck was going on, he would deal with that later, he wasn't normally this weak, this cold, this forgetful, he needed to stop, breathe, shit it wasn't working, breathe, breathe, breathe, that was the priority.

Ivan walked about his house lost in thought, he wasn't precisely sure what he was doing, like he was looking in third person, he felt woozy, he hadn't had anything to drink, maybe he was just hungry, the fridge was empty, oh dear. He couldn't get the door to open for some reason, not that it was stuck, moreso he couldn't grab the handle, he always misjudged the distance, and it kept moving ever so slightly.

Breathe.

He sat down, he would deal with food later, he needed to get his mind out of the gutter right now, it felt empty, no longer fear, just empty, he couldn't feel it. And so he sat there scarcely moving for longer than he thought, it had started to get dark.

He did not realise.

Eleanor had been quiet today, oddly so, she was not as outward as Alfred or Jack, but she seemed withdrawn, Alfred and Jack had gone somewhere, and she shuffled close to Matthew as she could, he could tell she was worried, he gently spoke, he knew from experience how to deal with each of them when they were in the moods despite not being the oldest, for all his smarts he was frankly worthless at dealing with emotions, and Matthew shouldered the burden for the four of them, and he did so well.

"Eli, what happened."

"Will they take us?" She didn't even sound afraid, she sounded blank, and it broke his heart a little, he knew what she was referring to, just because they were small, they weren't even that small anymore truthfully, they knew they were a drain on the agency and its resources, they had never expected to provide board for 4 children when they first came here, Eleanor was 4 years old, four, they had been here a little over three years, Jack was 6, and he was scared, he and Al weren't too much better off, Alfred had just hit the double digits, Matthew wasn't even there yet.

They all knew they were burdens, but they had grown to love the place, the operatives at the very least had a soft spot for them, a lot of them had definitely not genuinely interacted with a child in years, and it showed, but they were nice to them, they had been educated faster than most children their age, they had a tutor come in to aid them with what they needed, plus each of them liked to hang around some of the classrooms often enough that some of the teachers took it to heart to teach them what was going on when they had the time.

It worked for the most part, all of them could read, all to a higher level than was supposed for their age, Eleanor was scary smart, and while Jack was fidgety if you interested him in something, he would break every single barrier stopping him from learning everything about the topic, Alfred was very similar, he was just a whole lot more nerdy about it.

It may have not been perfect, they were still often ignored and forgotten about by many and knew they weren't even meant to be here, but it was the closest thing they had to home for the past 3 years, they didn't just want to leave it.

He knew letting her down gently would only make this worse, and he sighed, he felt so much older than he was sometimes "Yes, most likely. They seem like nice people no?"

She huffed "Scary, you mean, and I don't think they can look after themselves very well."

He had to admit, she had a point, he had seen them about, and they usually looked quite functional if nothing else, but both seemed a little sick yesterday "They were probably just tired Eli."

She then looked at him, she was painfully good at hard looks for a 7-year-old, "Does that mean we have to go to school? I saw some..." she looked confused while she stammered "For, Agreemen-no, Documents! Documents, I saw some documents, will we go to school?"

Matt hadn't actually thought about that, he had never actually been to school, Father and mother had kept him and Alfred homeschooled, something about not wasting their potential with simpletons. But they were dead now, so maybe "I-i think so actually, I've never actually been to school."

She brightened significantly, "Really! I thought you did."

"Was homeschooled, this is the closest I've ever had to school. I wonder what it would be like?"

She got off the bed and patted down her shirt, one of Jack's old ones, they were fucking sturdy, that's what they were.

She could hear Jack from a mile away, he and Alfred were probably racing to get inside, she better steer clear of the door, Jack always won, he was shorter but had more leg than you think he would have, Alfred had never won, but had gotten very close.

Jack burst in, Alfred huffing along behind, he collapsed on the bed clutching his side"Christ alive Jack!"

Jack grinned stupidly before he saw Matt deep in thought and Eleanor writing something and he faltered "What happened?"

"Jack, we're gonna go to school, you know."

"Yep! I saw the forms, this is going to be so fun."

They clearly had differing views of how school was going to go, and Jack seemed so happy that she didn't want to divulge her fears that it wouldn't go as well.

Alfred rolled over to face Matthew, face still a little red "Mattie, what's up." deep breath "With you?"

"Nothin', you know we will have to go to school you know, when we get... it's not adopted, uh, assigned?"

Alfred sat up "Yea, and, we're smart, we'll be fine no?"

"That's not the problem, for example, you're a fucking weirdo, don't you think people will find you off-putting?"

"Pfft, as if, if they would then that means they just couldn't handle my awesomeness!"

Matt nicked Alfred's glasses, and much to his chagrin, Alfred's vision was proper -6 nearsighted in one eye and -5.25 in the other "Right, anyways its time to sleep now, it's getting late, and tomorrow we were meant to do something weren't we, check out the house or something."

"Oooh, yea, that."

Matt put the glasses on the side table, he put his own down, his were much tamer, -2 and -2.5, Eleanor got into bed after some cajoling, Jack had to be wrestled as usual, yet he was the one who was out like a light the instance he got warm enough.

Ivan finally stirred, he hadn't realised he fell asleep, he had to sign the housing forms, they would be looking at the house tomorrow, Arthur had already signed them last night, his signature was needed, he would sign the rest later, hunger forgotten for the moment, Arthur got no better, he must be ill, no other explanation for it, curled up under his covers shivering like nothing else provided any heat, he stopped trying to calm down, it would pass, it would, he would have it no other way, the fact that he needed to visit the house tomorrow completely escaped his mind, and who would blame him, his alarm was set though, it would pass over the night.

All thoughts of food or work or anything were gone, replaced with what could only be described as jumbled radio tones, Ivan was dealing with static and the floaty feeling you get when you read too much.

The human condition is admittedly a strange one is it not?

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