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annecoulmanross · 3 years

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Top Ten Historical Figures Done Dirty by The Terror (2018)

So, we all know and love Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh’s beautiful show, right? Of course. But it’s important to set the historical record straight, especially when there are real people’s life-stories and legacies on the line.

(NOTE: this list is biased heavily toward upper-class individuals because the historical record does a better job preserving those voices for us. Was the real Cornelius Hickey as nasty a person in real life as he was in the show? Almost certainly not – which is why we’re given “E.C.” as a nod to the fact that we shouldn’t assume these characters represent real historical villains, even when the narrative makes them antagonists; HOWEVER, not everyone in the show was given the same courtesy as the OG “Cornelius Hickey.” Which is why this post exists – to show you the best sides of some people you might not otherwise appreciate for their full humanity. That being said, keep in mind the sources used – and, for instance, who has surviving portraits and who doesn’t.)

Thus, below the cut, I give you this list, (mostly) in order from #10 (honorable mention, only somewhat slandered) to #1 (most hideously maligned) – my list of characters from The Terror who deserved better.

(Please don’t take this too seriously – I know there are reasons why choices had to be made in order to make this show work on television, and I do very much love the end product. But I also genuinely think it’s a good idea to remember the real people behind these characters, and think critically about how we depict them ourselves.)

Bottom Tier – The Overlooked Men of the Franklin Expedition

#10. Richard Wall – & – John Diggle

We’re combining these two because they had a lot in common, historically speaking! Both were polar veterans, having served as a Cook (Wall) and an AB-then-Quartermaster (Diggle) on HMS Erebus under the command of Sir James Clark Ross in the Antarctic expedition of 1839-1843. Certainly we do get some good scenes with them in the show, but there was plenty more to explore there – for instance, Captain Ross was apparently so taken with Richard Wall that he hired him on as a private cook after the Antarctic expedition. (One imagines that Sir James may have regretted letting his friends of the Franklin expedition steal Wall out from under him.)

(If you want some more information on Diggle, the brilliant @handfuloftime found this excellent article on him – fun facts include the detail that Diggle’s only daughter bore the name Mary Ann Erebus Diggle.)

#9. John Smart Peddie

Now, I don’t think we should go as far as the Doctor Who Audio Drama adaptation of the Franklin Expedition, which makes Peddie into Francis Crozier’s oldest friend, someone “almost like a brother” to Crozier (no evidence of ANY prior relationship between the two existed, contrary to whatever the Doctor Who Audio Dramas would have you believe!) but Peddie probably earned his place as chief surgeon, however fond we may all be of the beautiful Alex “Macca” MacDonald, who was, in fact, the Assistant Surgeon, historically speaking. It’s hard to find information about Peddie, but someone should go looking! I want to know about this man!

(If you want to know more about the historical Alexander MacDonald, there’s a short biographical article on him from Arctic that you can read here.)

#8 James Walter Fairholme

The only one of the expedition’s lieutenants who doesn’t really get any characterization in the show, which is a travesty! The historical Fairholme (pronounced “Fairem”) was, as they say, a himbo, and the letters that he wrote home to his father are positively precious. He loved the expedition pets (lots of kisses for Neptune!), and he needed two kayaks because he couldn’t fit into just one with his beefy thighs. Fitzjames loaned him a coat when all the Erebus officers had their portraits taken, and then called him a “smart, agreeable companion, and a well informed man,” and Goodsir singled Fairholme out as “very much interested” in the work of naturalist observations. Just a lovely young man who could have gotten some screen time, you know?

(Also, as @transblanky discovered, four separate members of the Fairholme family gave money to Thomas Blanky’s widow when she was struggling financially in the 1850s, making them, combined, the most generous contributor to her subscription.)

Middle Tier – Franklin’s Men Who Didn’t Deserve That

#7. William Gibson

Alright, I want to talk about how uniquely horrible the show’s William Gibson is: this is a character willing to lie and accuse his partner of sexual assault that didn’t happen. I get there were extenuating circumstances, but if I were a historical figure who died in some famous disaster and someone depicted me doing something like that? Let’s just say I’m deeply offended on the real Gibson’s behalf.

What do we know about the historical William Gibson? Not much – but we know a little. Gibson’s younger brother served on an overland exploratory venture across Australia in the 1870s… from which he never returned. (God, the Gibson family had the worst luck?) This description of a conversation that young Alf Gibson had with expedition leader Ernest Giles only days before his death is VERY eerie:

[Gibson] said, “Oh! I had a brother who died with Franklin at the North Pole, and my father had a deal of trouble to get his pay from government.” He seemed in a very jocular vein this morning, which was not often the case, for he was usually rather sulky, sometimes for days together, and he said, “How is it, that in all these exploring expeditions a lot of people go and die?”

I said, “I don't know, Gibson, how it is, but there are many dangers in exploring, besides accidents and attacks from the natives, that may at any time cause the death of some of the people engaged in it; but I believe want of judgment, or knowledge, or courage in individuals, often brought about their deaths. Death, however, is a thing that must occur to every one sooner or later.”

To this he replied, “Well, I shouldn't like to die in this part of the country, anyhow.” In this sentiment I quite agreed with him, and the subject dropped.

(From Giles’s Australia Twice Traversed which you can read here)

Beyond that, one thing we do know is that William Gibson was probably friends with Henry Peglar – they had served on ships together before, and Gibson may possibly have been the poor fellow found cradling the Peglar Papers, according to researcher Glenn Stein. So we might imagine the historical Gibson as a much kinder man than the show’s depiction of him – this was someone who befriended the clever, playful Peglar we all know and love from the transcriptions of his papers, so full of poetry and linguistic jokes. It’s a shame we didn’t get a chance to meet this real Gibson, who actually knew the Henry Peglar whom we love so well.

#6. Stephen Stanley

Look. There’s that one famous line in James Fitzjames’s letters to the Coninghams about how Stanley went about with his “shirt sleeves tucked up, giving one unpleasant ideas that he would not mind cutting one’s leg off immediately – ‘if not sooner.’” And certainly Harry Goodsir had some mixed opinions of the man, saying was “a would be great man who as I first supposed would not make any effort at work after a time,” and that he “knows nothing whatever about subject & is ignorant enough of all other subjects,” whatever…. that means….

But Fitzjames also had some rather nicer things to say about him, that he was “thoroughly good natured and obliging and very attentive to our mess.” Also, the amputation comment? Very likely had a quite positive underlying joke to it – Stanley may not have been much of a naturalist, but he was actually an accomplished anatomist, who won a prize for dissection in 1836, on account of his “bend of the elbow,” which was “a picture of dissection,” according to Henry Lonsdale, who also called Stanley his “facetious friend” and “a fine fellow” (Lonsdale 1870, pg. 159). So, the real Stanley probably was rather droll, but the perpetually cruel Stanley of the show misses some of the real man’s major historical virtues and replaces them with historically unlikely mass-mercy-murder.

#5. John Irving

Now we’re getting into the territory of characters who did get some good development, but are missing a bit of historical nuance. As I’m sure many of you know, the historical Irving was indeed very religious, but the flashes of anger (i.e. against Manson) we see from Irving in the show don’t seem terribly consistent with the Irving depicted in this memorial volume, where John seems more like a quiet, bookish, mathematically inclined young man, with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a gentle sweetness. It’s really not at all far off from the version of Irving we see with Kooveyook in the show – I just wish we could have seen more of that side of Irving.

Top Tier – The Triumvirate of Polar Friends

So, these three DO have many good things to recommend them in the show, but because I’ve done such deep research on them, it can be quite jarring to watch certain scenes in which they behave contrary to their historical personalities, and I find myself pausing when watching the show with friends or family to explain that NO, they wouldn’t do that!

#4. Sir James Clark Ross

First thing – we LOVE Richard Sutton. He did a beautiful job with the material given to him. (This is true of all the actors on the list, frankly, but it’s doubly true here.) But that scene at the Admiralty where Sir James tells Lady Franklin “I have many friends on those ships, as you know,” to shut down her argument for search missions? At that time (aka 1847), historically, Sir James Clark Ross was actively campaigning for search missions, planning routes and volunteering his services in command of any vessel the Admiralty even vaguely contemplated sending out. You could see this real-life desperation in Sir James’s morose attention to his whiskey glass in that scene if you’re really trying, but I think the more historically responsible thing would have been to make vividly clear that James Ross risked life and limb, as soon as he possibly could, to try to rescue Franklin and Crozier and Blanky, men he’d known and cared about and bitterly missed – and, in the case of Crozier, “truly loved.”

#3. Sir John Franklin

The historical Franklin had plenty of flaws – his contributions to British colonial rule certainly harmed no small number of people, and we should question the way that heroic statues of Franklin are some of the only memorials that serve to honor the lives lost on Franklin’s expeditions – especially considering the steep body count of not only Franklin’s final voyage, but his previous missions in Arctic regions as well. (DM me and I’ll scream at you about counter-monuments! Is this a promise or a threat? Who knows!) With that said, most contemporary accounts agree that Sir John Franklin treated his friends, his family, and those within his social orbit with kindness, and his cruelties were systemic, not personal. In this light, the image of Sir John viciously tearing into Francis Crozier’s vulnerabilities in the show feels very off. Though there was certainly some friction over Crozier’s two proposals to Sophia Cracroft, historically speaking, there’s no evidence at all that Sir John discouraged her from marrying Francis – Sophia may have had many reasons of her own (*clears throat meaningfully in a lesbian sort of way*) for not accepting any of the several marriage proposals offered to her (from Crozier as well as from others), and we ought to keep in mind that she remained unmarried all her life. The notion that the real Sir John would have considered Crozier too low-born or too Irish to be part of the Franklin family isn’t grounded in historical fact.

#2. Lady Jane Franklin

Again disclaimer: the real Lady Franklin left behind a legacy with much to critique. Those who rightfully point out the racism of her treatment of the young indigenous Tasmanian girl Mathinna should be fully heard out. Observations of her own contributions to imperialism are important and valid. Though I tend to see her feud with Dr. John Rae as somewhat understandable – given that Lady Franklin didn’t have the benefit of our hindsight knowing Rae was correct – the levels of prejudice that she enabled and even encouraged in the writing of Charles Dickens when he attempted to discredit Inuit accounts of Franklin’s fate are inarguably deplorable. These things being said, everything noted for Sir John re: Sophia Cracroft goes for Lady Franklin as well – there’s no reason to imagine a scene where Jane would bully Francis Crozier within an inch of his life, seconds after a failed second proposal, when, historically, Lady Franklin felt the situation was so delicate that it required the quiet and compassionate intervention of Sir James Clark Ross, a dearly loved mutual friend to all parties. Tension does not imply aggression; conflict is not abuse. We know this can’t have been an easy experience for the historical Francis Crozier, but the picture is a lot more complicated than what can be shown in one small subplot of a ten-episode television show. Because of this complexity, however, Lady Franklin’s social deftness suffers in the show. (I could also write an entire essay about Jane Franklin’s last shot in the show, at the beginning of Episode 9: The C the C the Open C – TL;DR is that framing is very important, and, at the very last moment, the show reframes Lady Franklin as a mutilated corpse, a speaking mouth without a brain, which is….. a choice.)

And, at number 1, the person done most dirty by The Terror (2018) is….

#1. Charles Frederick “Freddy” Des Voeux

Look. I’m biased here because I am fed daily information about the historical Freddy Des Voeux from @frederickdesvoeux so I’ve become, I think understandably, a bit attached.

But this is very plainly the clearest cruelty the show does to a historical figure – the historical Des Voeux was a very young man (only around 20 when the ships set sail) known always as “Frederick or Freddy” to his family, and described by all parties as bright and sweet – Fitzjames said that he was “a most unexceptionable, clever, agreeable, light-hearted, obliging young fellow, and a great favourite of Hodgson’s, which is much in his favour besides,” and described him cheerfully helping to catch specimens for Goodsir. Des Voeux is named “dear” by Captain Osborn in Erasmus Henry Brodie’s 1866 poem on the Franklin Expedition (43) and Leo McClintock reported the young man’s well-known “intelligence, gallantry, and zeal” in his 1869 update to his account of the Franklin Expedition’s fate (xlii). None of this is consistent with Des Voeux’s behaviour in the show, especially in the later episodes.

To reduce Des Voeux to an easily-detested figure, over whose death one might cheer, is not a kindness – the creation of a narrative where his death is satisfying does damage to the memory of a real person, a barely-more-than-teenager who died in the cold of the Arctic and left behind only scraps of a shirt and a spidery signature in the bottom margin of a fragmentary document.

Television shows may need their villains, but it’s important to remember that real life isn’t like that. Surely the historical Frederick Des Voeux was most likely not a perfect person, and, as an upper class officer contributing to a British imperial project, he does bear some responsibility for the harm done by the Franklin expedition, but it’s not accurate to assume he was any less worthy of sympathy than the other officers who considered him a friend – those men whom we now venerate, like James Fitzjames. So as far as I’m concerned, Freddy Des Voeux deserves at least as much consideration, care, and compassion from us.

#franklin expedition #franklin expedition fictions #the terror #the terror amc #terrorposting #long post

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navegandoaciegas · 4 years

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Sunshine Girl

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: fluff, soft!Bucky, mentions of injury (no graphic descriptions), 3.6k words

Summary: You are the sun and he’s simply basking in your light. And he’s so selfish, he thinks as he holds the velvet box with the diamond ring inside of it, he’s so damn selfish he wants to keep the light all to himself for the rest of his life.

Two years ago you were supposed to enjoy a solo road trip after years of Avenging, but Bucky invited himself along. Now you’re forced back to New York, and your boyfriend is ready to surprise you once again.

A/N: Bucky’s POV. Sequel to I love my baby to death, but I suppose you could read it on its own. As always forgive any mistakes, English is my third language.

Had to repost this cause it didn’t show up in the tags, hopefully this time it will

“I swear Buck, if I see one more damn corn plant I’m losing it. I am this close” you say pinching your thumb and pointer finger real close “to a mental breakdown. I’m never eating corn again, mark my words. No corn flakes, no corn on the cobble, no nothing. I’m done.”

“We’re in Iowa, in the middle of the corn belt, I don’t know what you were expecting.” he replies, slightly amused by your little outburst and sour mood.

“Well, clearly not ending up on the set of Children of the corn.” you groan, getting back to sulking in the passenger’s seat, seething at the fields that are only a scapegoat to the real problem.

You’d been merrily skiing in Montana when his skis got somehow tangled with yours and he tumbled down on you, dragging you down the slope. Hadn’t you injured yourself, rolling in the snow like it only ever happens in cartoons would have been pretty comical.

“What?” you screech, almost jumping off the stretcher and grimacing in pain when your left foot hits the metal poles at the side. “No. It’s just pain, I’m sure it will go away, right? I mean I was an Avenger, I’ve suffered worse than a fall.”

“I’m sorry, miss, but knee surgery will be necessary, the MRI here shows you’ve torn your ACL and from the looks of it, your left knee was already damaged badly, numerous times at that, probably a result of your time on the field.”

“I can’t, I can’t just get surgery, we’re miles away from home and I-”

You’re almost sobbing and Bucky feels like shit because he’s the reason for all this and all he can do now is pat your back reassuringly.

“Given the extent of the damage, I’m afraid there’s no other option.”

“How long is the recovery time?” he asks, voice unsure.

“Well, it’s my knowledge she’s not an enhanced individual, so like any average human it will take anywhere from 6 to 9 months to recover fully. In the meantime, no more hikes or sports.”

Bucky inhales a sharp breath. Six to nine months. No more hikes. Surely you’ll have to go back to New York.

God, you are so going to break up with him.

Turns out you didn’t dump him in Montana, you didn’t abandon him in one of those auto stops along Interstate 90 in South Dakota, and you don’t seem to want to break up with him amidst the green fields of Iowa, but still, he knows he will drive through Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It almost seems like a cruel twist of fate, driving the same route you did as friends two years ago, along Interstate 80 headed East instead of West, only this time he’s not hoping to be more than the annoying old man who invited himself on your trip; he’s your boyfriend now, but maybe not for long.

“You know, you really are dramatic.” you say in a teasing tone, “I’m not going to break up with you, stop thinking about that, it was an accident, ‘s not like you beat me.”

“I know, I’m just sorry because you’re in pain and it’s my fault and now we have to get back home but I know you wanted to stay more and I did too and if I didn’t-” he’s rambling, and your place your hand on his thigh and squeeze reassuringly, offering him one of those sweet smiles he dies for.

“Buck, it’s okay” you interrupt his word vomit “like I said a million times before, it was an accident, it’s going to be fine I promise. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise with my mood, I swear I’m just pissed at all this damn corn. We’re never going to a maze again, by the way.” That gets a laugh out of him, and he loves you even more because you’re always there to lift his spirits. “I’m dreading these next months, the surgery, physiotherapy and all, but I know you’re there for me, yes?”

He nods, teary eyed, and you continue, “And I can’t lie, it’s been a while, I’m kind of excited to see everyone again, I mean except for Sam of course,” you say, as if he didn’t “live rent free in your head”, like Sam himself put it, “Jesus that man, how many of our trips has he invited himself on? I’ve lost count. ‘Member when we found him waiting for us in Phoenix? Fuckin’ weirdo.”

You both chuckle at the memory of Sam in your motel room, waiting on your bed with crossed arms like a disappointed parent, pissed off because you hadn’t called in a week and he was worried sick that something may have happened to you, a deadly sniper, and him, the Winter fuckin’ Soldier. Truth is, Bucky was so excited about your new relationship that he rarely let you leave the bed when you were in your room, and when you did you were in no condition to Facetime anyone, with your smudged mascara and swollen lips.

“I’ve heard Clint will come visit us with Laura and the kids. Nathaniel must be so big now.” you add, your eyes glazed over as you think of the little boy who was named after your Natasha.

“God, Morgan is probably all grown up.” he muses, a tinge of sadness in his voice. You squeeze his thigh again. “And the spider kid too, he’s a grown man now.”

“That he is.” you chuckle, “But to me he’ll always be the boy in the red spanx who knocked us on our asses in Berlin.”

He smiles and shakes his head at the memory, and you both fall in a comfortable silence. Now that he’s not consumed by fear anymore, Bucky kind of agrees with you that all this green is, in fact, nauseating.

“You know what, no more popcorn either.”

“Deal.”

A year and something ago

Arizona

“Can you believe there’s a city in New Mexico called Truth or Consequences? We should totally go and visit just for the hell of it, sounds like the type of place Steve Rogers should have been born into.” you state with all the seriousness in the world, and he snorts because after all this time you still haven’t found it in yourself to stop mocking Steve’s righteousness.

You’re walking ahead of him and he’s so distracted by your tiny denim shorts that he, the master of stealth, almost trips over a boulder. You’re always pretty but tonight, illuminated by the orange sky of Arizona, you look like a dream. And you’re so happy, snapping photos at everything you see, that even if Bucky hates the desert and the heat makes him uncomfortable, he won’t tell you, because the look on your face makes it all worth it.

“Baby, look at this big boy here, he’s like 20 feet tall. Oh my god, he’s so cute and beefy, just like you.” you gush at one of the giant cactuses of Saguaro National Park.

He raises his eyebrows skeptically.

All he sees are green spiky motherfuckers that he’s accidentally hurt himself with more times that he’d like to admit in all those damn ‘hikes’ you like so much, but to you cactuses are the most beautiful sight in the word. He genuinely does not see the appeal, but he understands now how you feel when he talks about all his ‘nerd shit’, as you call it.

“I’m cuter.” he says frowning.

“Of course you are.”

For some reason you don’t sound convincing at all.

It’s only spring but here in Tucson the temperature is 85 degrees today and he’s sweating buckets underneath the long sleeved t-shirt he’s wearing to conceal his vibranium arm. He’s long past the time when he was forced to hide from authorities or the general public’s judgement, but still he doesn’t want to be recognized and attract attention. He doesn’t do well with crowds, and he doesn’t understand how you can be so calm and collected when people stare at you and ask for photographs while you’re minding your own business.

As soon as you get back to the motel you’re staying at he takes off his soaked shirt, not caring that the air conditioning is probably going to end his old ass.

“What the hell happened to you?” you ask, scowling as you analyze the skin around his prosthetic.

He shrugs. “It happens sometimes.”

“Why?”

“No idea.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me James.”

You only call him that when he’s in big trouble. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose: why do you have to be so damn stubborn all the damn time? “It’s nothing sweetheart, just sometimes the skin becomes flared when it’s too hot.”

“Nothing?” you shrill, throwing your hands around animatedly, “Nothing? Bucky your whole shoulder is super red and irritated, don’t act like it’s normal. We’ve been in the sun for hours, for days really, why didn’t you tell me anything? I would have driven us back here immediately. Does it hurt?”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you, I didn’t want to ruin your fun, you liked it so much there. And no, it only itches a little.”

Your eyes soften and you move to cup his face in your hands, looking at him with so much love that he feels himself melt away into a puddle, “Baby you don’t need to do that, you know I care more about you than anything else.”

“Even more than the cactuses?”

“Well, now you’re asking too much of me.”

He snorts and playfully hits your arm, then he falls back on the bed and drags you down with him. You stay cuddled like that for a while before you pull back to look into his eyes.

“I appreciate you doing this for me Buck, but you don’t ever need to sacrifice your own comfort for me, okay?”

“I know, I’m sorry. But you looked so happy.”

“Don’t be, and I’m always happy with you, I promise.”

“I’m always happy too.”

“We’re such saps. Gross. Anyways, guess where we’re going next?” you ask him cheerfully, scratching his scalp the way that makes him purr like a cat.

“The plan was New Mexico, Texas and Louisiana, right?” he frowns. You’d made plans together ages ago and you were so excited about visiting Texas of all places for God knows what reason. He’s predicted already that he won’t stand the suffocating, humid heat of that whole area. At least Arizona was dry as hell.

You on the other hand, everyday he’s become more aware of how much of a lizard you are, seeking the sun and walking around in the scorching heat not even breaking a sweat.

“Guess again baby boy, we’re going straight to Oregon. I mean, it's not Alaska but it’s not as hot as the desert here, right?

“Wait, what? Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to overheat?” you state like it’s obvious, rolling your eyes, “We’ll do New Mexico and the rest next fall, and now Oregon and Washington because it’s a little cooler there. So what do you say?” You ask with a hopeful look in your eyes.

“Princess I appreciate you doing this for me, but I promise I’ll be fine. You don’t have to change plans for me, this is your road trip.”

“No you won’t Buck, you’re not doing good and I don’t ever want to see you suffer, you understand? By the time we get to Texas it will be summer and you won’t stand it, it’s better if we visit when it’s colder.”

He smiles softly. He knows he’d do the same for you. “Then Oregon it is.”

You get up from the bed and head to the bathroom to shower, “Oh, and baby?” you call out, peeking your head from behind the door, “This is your road trip too, never forget that.”

Oregon

“Why does Thor get to have places named after him and we don’t? We were Avengers too.”

“But are we norse gods?”

“I mean, not yet, but I definitely deserve some nature’s wonder, or at least a star, to be named after me.”

“I’ll call WMO and get them to name a hurricane after you, princess. It seems more fitting.”

“Asshole.”

You’d been camping somewhere in Oregon’s wilderness when he came up with the idea of visiting all of the State’s so called seven wonders, starting from Thor’s Well on the Coast and ending in Mount Hood near Portland. You took a thousand photos of each attraction and sent a video of the water seemingly draining inside the famous well to the God himself, who enthusiastically expressed his appreciation.

Bucky’s cherished every minute of it, from the hot springs of Crater Lake to the chillier temperatures at night that force you to snuggle closer to him to warm up.

You’re in Portland now, and you’re thoroughly enjoying it, but what’s new about that? You’re always so full of life, so genuinely excited about everything the world has to offer that he’d be worried if you weren’t having the time of your life as you usually are.

He likes the city too, which is saying a lot.

“Blueberries are the superior berry and that’s the hill I’m willing to die on.”

You’ve been eating your way through Portland for weeks, and you’ve been discussing pies for a solid thirty minutes now. It’s raining outside and you’re cooped up in a small pie shop, eating more than an average human can and receiving weird looks from the waitress as you tell her to ‘keep ‘em coming’.

“I’m sorry but you’re wrong princess,” he states with a stuffed mouth just for the sake of aggravating you to no end, “blackberries are just so much better.”

It works as you grimace in disgust, both at his statement and his manners.

He’s found out you are weirdly opinionated when it comes to pies: pecan pies are an abomination, pumpkin doesn’t belong in dessert, lemon pie and key lime pie are only acceptable if someone’s grandma is kindly offering them to you, rhubarb pie without strawberries is a threat to mankind and cherry and blueberry pies are the absolute best. Apple pie is too bland to even take the time to discuss it, although the taste is likeable enough.

He on the other hand likes anything pie and anything sweet. And anything that gets a rise out of you.

“Please Buck, this isn’t even a blackberry pie, it’s some sort of inbred experiment that turned out kinda right.”

He shushes you, barely holding back a laugh when he sees the waiter side eyeing you as you disrespect one of Oregon’s most famous dishes, “First of all, it’s called marionberry and it’s a type of blackberry. And second, keep it down unless you want us to be kicked out, you’re offending a whole state.”

“Sorry.” you shrug, “But blueberry tartness level is where I draw the line, anything more than that is unacceptable.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re still a child and haven’t developed adult taste buds yet baby.” He does love his senior citizen card a bit too much.

This earns him a kick under the table and a scowl. “Stop it, grandpa.” you groan.

He grins and digs in your slice of marionberry pie. You resume to people watching.

God, he loves Oregon. And he loves you.

He really is a sap.

Wyoming

Washington was nice enough. You’ve taken him bar crawling most nights, and all of them have ended with him giving you a piggyback ride, per your request, back to the hotel room you were staying at.

It takes 13 hours to drive from Seattle to Yellowstone and you’ve driven all the way. You refused to disclose the destination of the trip and he’s fallen asleep the last 3 hours in the car. He’d mentioned he wanted to see the geysers somewhere in Pennsylvania two years ago and you remembered and took him.

Bucky couldn’t be happier.

He’s still describing the constellations above you when you fall asleep, and he’s so absorbed by the sky that he doesn’t notice until your head falls on his shoulder and he hears your soft snores.

He picks you up bridal style and takes you back to the fancy tent he bought on a whim in Ohio after you both slept in the SUV and woke up with major back and neck pain. He smiles as he removes your makeup with a wipe and does your skincare just the way you taught him, and admires your relaxed state.

He grazes your pretty face with his vibranium fingers, something so unimaginable to him before he met you, as he never thought his arm could bring anything other than pain.

Back when he was a semi stable 100 year old man thrust in another fight yet again, he hadn’t realized the extent of his feelings for you, believing he was only attracted to your beauty and youth. He hadn’t seen the way your smile lights up a whole room, nor the way you listen, truly listen, to anyone who may have anything to tell you, without ever judging them. He hadn’t witness your kindness and patience, let alone experienced them on his own skin. He hadn’t been lucky enough to watch you feed bird seed to the ducks of every pond of the country, or try to rescue a cat from a rooftop and almost falling off to save it.

Then Sam told him you were leaving and he felt like the word was collapsing on him. He’d found the sunlight and he never wanted to be without it.

Now he’s seen it all, all the little things that make you who you are, including your flaws, and he loves you not regardless of them, nor in spite of them, but because even your worst imperfections make you… you.

Bucky doesn’t know if meeting you was a way for the universe to fix all the wrongs that have been done to him, a sort of payback for all the shit he’s been put through, but in case it is, then he’s got no objections. And maybe he doesn’t deserve someone as good as you, but he’s a selfish man, and now that his sunshine girl is with him he never wants to plunge back into the the darkness ever again.

He tucks you both under the sleeping bag and snuggles next to you.

“Buck?” you mumble in a haze, tugging at his t-shirt, “Love you.”

It’s almost imperceptible, but his supersoldier hearing allows him to pick it up. He kisses the crown of your hair as he caresses your back.

“I love you too sweetheart.”

He wants to spend the rest of his time on Earth proving you how much.

New York

6 months later

The doctor wasn’t lying when she warned you that recovery would take 6 to 9 months.

You said the aftermath of the operation hurt like a bitch and that physiotherapy hurt even more. Today’s your last session and Bucky is glad about it for many reasons, like how you’re not in pain anymore for starters, and maybe because of how annoyingly fun, smart and hot your therapist is. Not like he’d ever admit it to you.

“Jesus,” you groan, “he turned me inside out like a sock, I can’t feel my legs anymore.”

“Sounds fun.” he deadpans.

“Someone’s jealous of the doctor?” you ask with a mischievous smirk.

“‘M not. He’s not all that.” he mumbles, blushing like a school boy.

You snort and drawl a ‘sure’. He sends you his best death glare.

“Whatever. I hope you don’t mind if we take a stop before going home.” he announces, helping you into the car. His palms feel clammy and he’s sweating despite the chilly winds of New York’s fall.

“Sure, where are we going?”

“Actually, that’s kind of a surprise, you’ll see.”

You beam at his words; he knows you love surprises and he hopes you’re going to like this one.

----

You look radiant as you lie on the blanket he’s spread on the grass, surrounded by colorful foliage. You’re sipping some of your favorite wine and nibbling on crackers as you admire a flock of birds migrating south in the sky.

You are the sun and he’s simply basking in your light. And he’s so selfish, he thinks as he holds the velvet box with the diamond ring inside of it, he’s so damn selfish we wants to keep the light all to himself for the rest of his life.

He’s prepared a long, passionate speech to tell you how much he loves you, of all the ways you’ve changed his life for the better and of all the reasons why he’d be a good husband.

But when you look at him with those bright eyes and beaming smile, he can barely remember his own name. He drops on one knee and holds the box out with shaky hands.

“Marry me, please.”

----

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please reblog and comment, don’t be shy, feedback is always appreciated 🥺🤲

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #james barnes x reader #james barnes x you #james barnes x y/n

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bravonovel · 3 years

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You'll Fall for Me, Today or Tomorrow novel read online - Clarissa and Matthew - Bravonovel

You'll Fall for Me, Today or Tomorrow

https://www.bravonovel.com/youll-fall-for-me-today-or-tomorrow-8403

You'll Fall for Me, Today or Tomorrow novel is a Romance story about Clarissa and Matthew.

You can read this novel online on Bravonovel and keep track of the latest chapters

You'll Fall for Me, Today or Tomorrow novel Chapter 1

Splash!

He splashed Clarissa's feverish body with cold water, waking her up from a moment of stupor.

She looked up to see the man whom she had latched on to standing right in front of her.

The man removed his coat and tossed it to the ground. Looking tall and handsome, he was dressed in a white shirt and a pair of black suit pants. He had chiseled features like those of a male model, and his eyes especially looked astute and callous.

“Sober now?” His voice was extremely cold and stern.

“I'm sorry,” Clarissa said in embarrassment.

She had just gotten off the plane to visit her mother whom she hadn't seen for years. Yet never in her wildest dream did she expect her mother to drug and deliver her to the bed of a perverted old man.

Confused and delirious, she had grabbed hold of a stranger.

If not for this fine gentleman, she wouldn't dare to imagine what would become of her now.

Clarissa huddled in the bathtub and lowered her head to hide the pain in her eyes, not realizing how seductive she looked with her dress clinging damply to her skin.

Matthew squinted his eyes. Is she really not trying to seduce me?

“Mr. Tyson.” Donnie's voice sounded at the bathroom door. “The doctor and the clothes are here.”

“Thank you,” Clarissa piped up as she lifted her head. “I'm so sorry for the trouble.”

There was no need for explanation because they were only strangers to each other. She had noticed the man's inquisitive and derisive gaze, reckoning that he would only misunderstand her for having an ulterior motive if she were to explain herself.

A female doctor came in just as Matthew was about to leave the bathroom. She put the clothes aside and gave Clarissa a jab before leaving shortly after.

Outside, the room was already empty by the time Clarissa had changed her clothes and trudged out of the bathroom.

Hah, what was I thinking?

After a night of rest at the hotel, she was reluctant to go back to the Garretts', but she had no other choice as she needed to retrieve her belongings.

“You still have the audacity to come back?”

Her arrival immediately interrupted the peaceful atmosphere in the living room.

It was Clarissa's stepsister, Yvonne, who had said that.

“I'm here to take my stuff.”

Clarissa walked past the living room, wanting to head back to her room, but Yvonne blocked her way and landed a stinging slap across her face.

Caught off guard, Clarissa jerked her head up in a rage.

“You ingrate! What do you think you're doing? How dare you disappear on such an important occasion last night? We were trying to get you a boyfriend. Do you know who that man is? Do you know how much trouble you have caused us? Do you know how humiliating it was for us just because you ran away?” Yvonne let loose a torrent of abuse at Clarissa.

“If that man is so important, why didn't you take him for yourself?” Clarissa retaliated, cupping her face.

I will never sleep with a balding and beefy old man in his fifties!

“Why you—”

“We're family, Yvonne. Don't get too worked up,” Zach interrupted before his daughter could fly off the handle again.

Then putting on a calm look, he said to Clarissa, “We're doing this for your own good, Clary. Mr. Jensen has a sizeable net worth and he's still single. Haven't you heard that older men are wiser and they're much gentler towards women? You have nothing to worry about for the rest of your life if you're married into the Jensen family. Your mother has been saying we don't take good care of you so we wanted to make it up by finding you a good man.”

Clarissa darted Zach and the woman beside him, Hilary—her biological mother—a cold look.

“I don't need it,” she said, then returned to her room to retrieve her suitcase that was left untouched since yesterday.

Upon her arrival in D City the day before, the Garetts had taken to a hotel for a meal after reuniting with Hilary. Yet little did she expect to be greeted by a filthy sight.

“I'm doing this for your own good, Clary.” Hilary had come into her room and was grabbing her by the arm. “You can't just stay in that small city and do nothing for the rest of your life, right? It's a waste of your good looks.”

Clarissa shook her hand off relentlessly. “Is this why you've abandoned me for twelve years?”

“I...”

Clarissa had already walked away before Hilary could finish.

None of the Garretts stopped her.

“Don't worry. We were indeed a little too reckless yesterday. I'm Clary's mother. That's a fact. We need to plan and think wisely about this.” Hilary tried to appease her husband and stepdaughter when she saw the dissatisfaction on their faces.

“Are you sure?” Yvonne snorted. “She's your daughter after all.”

“She may be my daughter, but I'm very much in love with your father, Yvonne. You know me, don't you, Zach?”

“Of course,” Zach smiled.

Clarissa had hailed for a cab, planning to stay at a hotel, when she received a call from her best friend, Ellie.

“Why didn't you tell me you've arrived in D City? Do you even consider me as your friend? Where are you?”

Clarissa's heart warmed at her words.

“I'm on my way to a hotel...”

“Hotel? You could have just stay at my place.”

“I don't think that's nice. I...”

“I won't take no for an answer. Head over to J City Building. I'll pick you up and we can go grab a meal together.”

Clarissa let out a helpless chuckle at Ellie's domineering behavior. Hanging up the phone, she could only tell the driver to take another route.

After she alighted from the cab, Clarissa waited under a shade beside J City Building.

She was playing with her phone when she looked up and saw the silhouette of a man in a white shirt and a pair of suit pants. There was something about that man that made him look imposing as he walked out of the building.

Followed by a crowd around him, Clarissa wondered what he was saying as the people sent him off with a bow thereafter.

The driver opened the door, and the man was about to get in when he suddenly looked over in her direction.

Taken aback, Clarissa quickly lowered her head in embarrassment and feigned ignorance.

Matthew looked at the young lady through the car window until the car drove away and her figure disappeared from sight.

“Donnie,” he piped up. “I need you to run a background check on that woman.”

Donnie naturally understood who he was referring to. What are the odds of meeting the same woman who had thrown herself at Mr. Tyson twice?

They had never believed in pure coincidence and accident.

…...

Continue to read the chapter 2 of the novel You'll Fall for Me, Today or Tomorrow https://www.bravonovel.com/youll-fall-for-me-today-or-tomorrow-8403/chapter-2-216351

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#You'll Fall for Me Today or Tomorrow #Clarissa #Matthew #Novel #online novel #read online #romance fiction #love story

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jamesbuchananxsteviegrant · 5 years

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[Part 1] The Winter Deity | Steve x Bucky x Reader (Angst)

Category: Angst (Suggested) Age: 16+ Trigger Warnings: Panic attack, kidnapping, brainwashed, gun violence, knife violence, physical violence Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Bucky And Reader Both Come From HYDRA But They Take Her Again Request: “Ok you’re officially ny favourite fic writer! In saying so, I can see you working WONDERS with a stucky x reader where Y/N and Bucky were both tortured by hydra at the same time and escaped together. But now they’ve taken her again, and our beefy boys are on the case with 0 hesitation because that’s their girl goddamnit!” Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 7,803 Note: Deity means God/Goddess

---

(Y/N)’s entire body freezes up all the power goes out in the building. She knows that Stark has an intense back-up plan for when accidents like this occur, but she’s still scared nonetheless. It doesn’t help when she hears crashing and shouting going on in other parts of the building.

Blindly grabbing her phone from the dressing table of her bedroom, she unlocks it and goes to Bucky’s number, dialling it up whilst finding her way to the ensuite of her room, closing the door behind her and locking it.

“Doll? Is it important? We’re just out in action right now, babe.” The brunet’s voice comes through her phone, heavy breaths following. The woman nods to herself before even speaking, not daring to breathe as she awaits to hear any other noises throughout the tower.

Bucky, Steve and (Y/N) all made an agreement that they’ll never call the other if they’re out on a mission and that the person or persons is out on the mission will call when they’re available. Unless it’s an emergency.

“Buck, there’s been a blackout in the tower.” She informs her lover, keeping her voice to an all time low. “And it’s been longer than two minutes, we’re nearly at five.”

The man freezes up himself at his girlfriend’s words and turns to look over at Steve who’s hiding himself as they approach a base.

“(Y/N), are you safe?” He asks, gesturing his head to Steve for them to head back away from the base.

He hears her take a few deep breaths, trying to keep it under control.

“I’m locked in my ensuite. I don’t know what’s going on and I’m scared.” The girl explains, standing upright, leaning against the sink counter that sits directly opposite her door, staring at the solid material as if it’s a threat.

“What’s going on?” Steve asks as the pair reconnect. Bucky doesn’t respond, continues walking away from the place they were trying to infiltrate until they’re back at their car.

The blond gets in the vehicle in the passenger seat and Bucky links the phone up to the speaker.

“Is Tony in the tower, doll?” He asks.

“What’s going on?” Steve repeats.

“Blackout in the tower, going on five minutes. She’s locked herself in her ensuite.”

Cap’s eyes widen and he switches his gaze from Bucky to the phone.

“Tony should be here but I haven’t heard anything from him.” (Y/N) answers the man’s question.

The men aren’t stupid. They can hear the panic lacing her voice and how it’s getting progressively worse.

“(Y/N), sweetheart, I need you to listen to me, okay?” The blond begins, voice serious yet caring and loving. The tone of voice that (Y/N) refers to as her safe place. “You listening to me?”

She nods to herself but knows she needs to communicate with her lovers.

“Yeah.”

“Close your eyes for me, (Y/N). Focus on my voice and imagine I’m in front of you, yeah? Listen to mine and Bucky’s breathing. In, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, in, two, three, four, out, two, three, four. That’s my girl, keeping doing that for me.” Steve’s voice is so calming, it keeps the woman grounded.

Once they recognise her calmer breaths, Bucky speaks up again.

“Are the lights still out, doll?”

“Yeah.” She whispers.

“Steve and I are on our way back now, alright? We were only an hour out but I’m sure I can cut it to thirty minutes - you can scold me once I’m home and I’ve got you in my arms again.” The brunet lightly chuckles at his own words, prompting her to smile.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Barnes.” She manages to breathe out, voice still sounding strained.

“You keep yourself safe in your bathroom, sweetheart, and we’ll be back with you in no time. I’m sure Tony’s just-“

He’s cut off by the loud bang that shatters the door to her bathroom, followed by her scream. The scream that’s laced with so much fear.

“(Y/N)!” Both the soldiers yell, eyes wide. “No, no, no, no, no, no!” Bucky adds, putting his foot down without giving a damn about the consequences.

Steve knows he can’t say anything to calm his brunet lover at this point as he too is absolutely petrified.

“(Y/N)! TALK TO ME!” He yells, slamming his fist down on the dash but keeps his eyes on the call that’s still going.

“Captain Rogers, huh?” A masculine voice speaks down the line, Bucky coming to a sudden halt and staring at the device like it’s his biggest fear.

“Buck?” The blond whispers.

“Soldier.” The voice on the phone adds, his smirk can be heard in his voice.

“Don’t- Don’t touch her.” Bucky chokes on his words.

A small laugh comes from the man.

“Buck, who is it?” Steve quizzes, eyebrows furrowed.

“Captain Rogers, we’ve been acquainted before. You may remember me from when I nearly killed you in New York because I told you about your dearest Bucky.” The man spits, Cap’s eyes widening in realisation.

“No…” He whispers.

“You can keep the useless Soldier but I want this asset back. Her feminine strength is something I will never find in anyone else. I appreciate you taking care of her in the meantime.”

Nothing more can be said before the call ends.

“I’ll fucking kill him.” Bucky growls, putting his foot down once more. “I’LL KILL THEM ALL!”

He thought he’d heard the last of him. The last of them.

HYDRA.

///

“FRIDAY, call everyone to the lounge, now.” Tony’s voice demands as he enters the common space.

“Of course, sir.” The AI responds, and within two minutes, the room was crowded.

“First off, is everyone alright? Is anyone injured?”

Everyone shakes their head.

“We’re all fine, Tony, but what happened?” Nat asks, taking a seat on the sofa.

“Still trying to work that one out.” The billionaire sighs. “That lasted twenty-five minutes so I can only imagine someone has spent years trying to work out how to get into my systems, how to stop back-up reinforcements, everything.”

They all hear the elevator dinging and acknowledge the two men entering the room, but not the expressions on their faces.

“No-one’s hurt and that’s all that matters. I’ll find out why-“ The man’s cut off by being slammed into the wall behind him, gasping as he looks up and meets the intense blue stare of Bucky.

“No-one got hurt? No-one got hurt?! THEN DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I HEARD MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND’S ROOM BE BROKEN INTO AND HER SCREAM AS SHE WAS TAKEN FROM THE SAFETY OF HER DAMNED ROOM IN THIS TOWER BY BROCK FUCKING RUMLOW?!” The brunet roars, Tony’s face suddenly dropping and not caring about the man assaulting him.

No. Not her. There’s no way HYDRA got into his building and got her, right?

“Bucky, calm down-“ Nat attempts, but Steve’s arm holds her back, knowing his lover needs this temporary release.

“Tony,” The blond begins. “HYDRA broke in here and took her. We have no idea where they’ve taken her but he confirmed that he needed her feminine strength for something that he won’t find in anyone else. I want everyone researching.”

Bucky’s chest is still heaving as he glares daggers into the man’s eyes.

“We’ll find her.” Tony states, trying to calm his own fear, but the thought of the woman he sees as his little sister being taken by the hands of the bastards who tormented her for years makes his blood run cold. “I can’t lose her.”

The sincerity and fear lacing Iron Man’s voice makes Bucky loosen his press on him. Buck knows how much (Y/N) means to the Tony, probably just as much as she does Steve and Buck, just platonically.

“I can’t either.” He mutters, pulling back off the man completely and throwing himself down on the sofa.

“Any idea on where she could be, Barnes?” Nat asks, standing with her arms folded.

He pauses, trying to gather his thoughts which is easier said than done when all he can think of is the scream that came from her throat as those bastards dared lay their hands on her.

“Soviet Union. That’s where they kept us. If they want her back for testing, that’ll be the best place. (Y/N) and I were ruthless when we were under their control and so they specifically made the building to withhold us.”

Tony nods and begins making orders.

“Banner and I will try find them and get into their systems, see if we can find anything. Romanoff, you, Wilson and Rogers make a plan for us to get in and get her out. Barnes, keep your head straight and go and find Legolas and Little Witch.”

Everyone nods but Steve grabs Bucky’s shoulders and turns his body so they’re facing one another.

“We’ll get her back, Buck. I can’t lose either of you, okay? So keep calm. We’ll make them pay but don’t let me lose both of you.” The blond begs, looking into the gorgeous blue eyes of his boyfriend.

The brunet nods and wraps his arms around Steve.

“She can’t go back there, Steve. I know how her mind works, it’s her biggest fear. She said she’d rather die than go back there and I know she wasn’t lying.” Buck whimpers, trembling in the Captain’s arms.

Steve clenches his eyes shut and holds the man tightly against him.

“I know, babe. I know.” He murmurs, not caring about the petname he uses in front of the others. “We’re gonna get her back, okay? Our girl is so strong, she’s going to be okay.”

But the blond doesn’t believe his own words. He’s meant to be Captain America. The hero. The saviour. The protector, and yet he couldn’t protect his best girl.

“Go and get Clint and Wanda and I’ll work here and getting tracks on her, alright?”

Bucky nods, pulling back and taking a few deep breaths.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Buck.”

///

The woman stirs from her slumber and glances around at her surroundings, eyes widening and fear setting in as she recognises them all-too-well.

“No,” She whispers, taking in every last detail and how it’s barely changed a bit. “No, no, no, no, no.”

“Ah, the Deity awakes.” A voice comments, (Y/N)’s entire body tensing up, praying with every last bit of hope inside of her that this is all just a horrible nightmare, but she knows it’s not. She knows. “Nothing to say now that you’re back in your home?”

Her eyes meet his and every last bit of strength she’s been building over the last six years with her lovers and ten years with The Avengers has dissipated.

“Where is he?” Her voice is so feeble, scared to speak at all.

“The Soldier? Not here. Not interested in him anymore - least of our worries. Can’t do anything when he’s got Captain Hero at his side, I don’t have a death wish. Rogers has talked the asset out of The Winter Soldier once, rendering him useless.” The man explains, (Y/N) gulping as she tries to cling onto that smallest amount of hope. It’s short-lived nonetheless.

She knows Bucky and she knows Steve, they’ll both come in here, guns blazing, to get her out. Hopefully Steve can talk Bucky out of coming in here.

“You, however, you have so many more purposes left. Women are weak-hearted but you, I’m not done with you yet, asset. You’re going to be our Deity once again. And you know what your first mission will be?” He asks, leaning over so he’s almost nose-to-nose with her. “To kill all of SHIELD.”

The strength (Y/N) uses to keep her tears at bay is exhausting, but she refuses to show fear in front of this man. She will die before he gets the satisfaction of seeing her fear.

Unamused with her lack of response, the man raises his hand and sends it flying toward her face, the slap echoing across the room along with her gasp. Following prompt, he wraps his hand around her throat.

“I expect you to respond to me, have I made myself clear?” He threatens, but she keeps her stoic expression.

“Go fuck yourself.”

And then endless torture began.

///

“You still haven’t slept?” Wanda’s voice calls through the meeting room. She sighs when she receives no response. “Steve, it’s been almost three days, you need to sleep. Does Bucky know you’re not sleeping?”

“He doesn’t need another load of worry on him.” The blond responds, not taking his eyes off of the research in front of him, trying to track down where his girl is.

“You think any of us do, Steve? The last thing we need is you passing out because of exhaustion.” The woman tries to rationalise, but she again receives no response.

Shaking her head, she heads out and into the elevator, up to the floor that barely anyone ever goes to. She wants to feel guilty but she knows this is for the best. The knock on the door is quiet but she repeats it louder, knowing she needs to wake up the person on the other side.

“Wanda?” Bucky’s tired voice quizzes, wiping his eyes. “What’s up?- Is there any other news?!”

She shakes her head with an apologetic smile.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m here because I need your help. I hate to add more worry to your plate but Steve’s been lying to you. He hasn’t slept since (Y/N) went missing, Buck. He’s in the room now still researching. I know he’s scared and I know you are too but he’s going to hurt himself and he won’t listen to me.”

The brunet furrows his brows and sighs.

“Thank you for telling me. I’ll go and get him.” He answers, Wanda nodding.

Bucky’s eyes are soft as he watches Steve intently read through all the documents that could give any hints, only to find none still. He knocks on the door to avoid scaring him, but he frowns when the blond doesn’t even turn around.

He walks into the room and wraps his arms around the man’s torso from behind, feeling him tense up as he’s been caught.

“I can’t do this without you.” The soldier whispers.

Steve sighs and rests his hands over his lover’s, nodding.

“I just… I can’t bear the thought of her being back in that hell.”

“I can’t either, trust me.” Buck whispers, feeling himself tear up again. “But, please, look after yourself, Stevie. She’d throw a right strop if she knew.”

The pair force a chuckle and nod.

“She’d do that thing where she grabs my face with her tiny hands and stand on her tiptoes to meet my stare, using that voice she uses.” Cap comments, forcing a smile as he reminisces.

“Steve Rogers, how many times do I have to tell you to look after yourself?! How am I meant to look after two super soldiers as well as myself?!” Bucky mimics, also laughing.

Steve turns around and rests his arms on his man’s waist, Bucky narrowing his eyes at the exhaustion evidently showing on Steve’s face.

“Come to bed, Steve.” He mumbles. “Please.”

Swallowing hard, the captain nods.

“Okay.”

“Thank you.”

Wanda smiles as she watches the scene play out from the door, thankful that they at least have each other in this mess.

It’s about eight AM when a banging on the solders’ door wakes them up.

“You two are so fuckin’ lazy!” Sam’s voice calls through the door, prompting Steve to flop back down on the bed as he recognises his friend’s voice.

“FRIDAY, let Sam in, please.”

“Of course, Captain Rogers.” The AI answers, the door opening prompt.

“We’ve found her.”

The men jolt straight up at their associate’s words, eyes wide.

“Action time. Get dressed.”

The pair are in their uniform in no time and down in the loading bay for the jet.

“I don’t think Barnes should come.” Tony comments.

“Good thing I didn’t ask.” Bucky growls, striding past the metal-suited billionaire.

“Steve,” The playboy sighs, looking at his friend for any signs of persuading the brunet otherwise.

Captain shakes his head and sighs.

“This isn’t just a case of getting our girl back, Tony, this is HYDRA. This is beyond personal.”

“If he gets compromised, I ain’t risking shit to save him, I hope you know that.” The man states, face holding seriousness. Steve nods and gets over to the jet.

The trip is quite quick, generally, but for Bucky and Steve it takes far too long. Too much time has passed since that call. The call of her screaming in fear and pain.

“Cap, plan?” Clint asks as they get the descending notification on the jet.

“Tony can plan this one, I’m not in the right mindset.” Steve responds, sighing.

“I’ll tell you the fuckin’ plan,” Bucky inputs. “We get out there, we kill every fucking bastard working for HYDRA, and we get my girl out. Have I made myself clear?”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” Tony growls. “Rhodey and I will fly up top, get rid of anyone at the back. Thor go with Banner around the west side. There’s a clear entrance, go through it and keep us updated. Romanoff and Legolas take East. Wilson, I want you on the roof. Maximoff, you stick with Capiscle and Sergeant Reckless over here and go through the front.”

Everyone nods.

“Bruce,” Steve begins, catching the man’s attention. “Could really do with you getting angry for this.”

“Trust me, Cap, the amount of rage I’ve been feeling for these assholes since they took her has only been building.”

Cap smiles and nods before turning to Buck, seeing him heaving as he stares out the window at the base they’re quickly approaching.

“We’ll get her back, Buck.”

“She’s been there three and a half days, Steve.” The brunet whispers. “I promised her when we first arrived at the tower that I’d never let them touch her again.”

“You can’t blame yourself for this, Bucky. This wasn’t on you. She was safe in the tower. This isn’t us, it’s them, and they will pay for taking our girl, alright?” The man states, watching his lover manage a smile.

“Can I break my no-killing rule for this?”

The blond chuckles and nods.

“I’d say so.”

///

“Sir, they’re here.” One of the HYDRA members states, watching Rumlow grin and turn to the woman beside him.

“Deity?”

“Ready to comply.”

Meanwhile, the jet has landed and all of them are running toward the building, beside the three who are flying.

“If you find her, you tell us.” Steve demands, everyone nodding and heading off in their respective directions.

The battle commences immediately, the base surrounded by hundreds of HYDRA agents.

“Roof cleared.” Sam calls first. “Heading in through the door on the roof.”

Thor and Hulk clear their side easy, no shocker to anyone, but it’s Natasha and Clint that face the conflicting issue.

“(Y/N)?” Nat asks, lowering her fists, Clint lowering his bow.

“Who the hell is (Y/N)?” The woman responds, raising her gun and firing.

“SHIT!” Black Widow yells, diving aside along with Clint. “Barnes, Rogers, huge problem.”

“What?!” Bucky responds through the comms.

Natasha actually pauses her words, looking at Clint for help. She daren’t say it. She daren’t be the person to break those words to the men she cares for so dearly.

“We’re not facing (Y/N), we’re facing The Winter Deity.” Hawkeye responds.

Bucky and Steve freeze and the brunet swears his heart stops beating entirely.

“Don’t fucking hurt her.” Cap demands.

“Easier said than fucking done, Cap. Any other bright ideas?!” Nat finally speaks.

“I need to get to her, I can get her out of it.” Bucky states, glancing at Steve who nods, knowing it’s true.

It’s one of the reasons why HYDRA tried splitting them up when they were at the facility together all those years ago.

*** Flashback ***

“Don’t touch her.” Bucky growls at the men, watching their amused expressions take over.

“What’s this? The soldier has feelings?”

Buck can’t respond. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly defending this woman. He’s been with her since he got thrown into this place and he knows she’s been through everything he has. The thought doesn’t sit right with him. He’s been through so much pain and he didn’t care, but the thought of her going through the same pain makes him defensive.

“You can do what you want with me, but don’t touch her.” He repeats.

Rumlow smirks and gestures for his associates to stands down.

“Let’s leave them for a while.”

The second everyone left the room, Bucky turns around to the woman in the chair and strokes her face.

“(Y/N)?” He whispers. “Come on, it’s me, you know me.”

Her eyes show confusion. She’s still strapped to the chair and ready to kill, but she knows this man. How? Who is he?

“It’s Bucky. I need you to come back to me, (Y/N). We’re gonna be alright. You’re gonna be alright.”

She gives up her actions to try and break out of the confinements and stares into the depths of his blue eyes for any idea as to who this man is. Barely acknowledging it himself, the brunet leans down and presses his lips to her own, humming at how perfect it feels.

When he pulls back, her eyes are closed but he can tell she’s still awake.

“(Y/N)?” He questions, voice still quiet. He tucks her hair behind her ears.

Slowly, her eyes open and she smiles.

“Bucky,”

The smile is instantly replicated onto the soldier’s face.

“That’s my girl. Did they hurt you?”

“A little.” (Y/N) shrugs, glancing down at the dried blood that stains her skin from endless injections.

“I’m going to get you out of here, (Y/N).” He states, adamant.

“Not without you,” The woman suddenly pleads, taking hold of the material of shirt that covers his arms and looks at him with desperation. “Please don’t leave me without you.”

“Never.”

*** Flashback End ***

“You two go, I’ll stay here with Wanda.” Sam speaks up, appearing by the trio.

The men nod.

“I’m coming to you, keep her occupied. Try using my name, might work.” The Winter Soldier calls down the comms before running off, Steve close behind.

Nat nods and Clint manages to shoot an arrow that nods the gun from her hands. She growls and screams in frustration, diving toward the duo and throwing punches left, right and centre.

(Y/N) is no novice to fighting, and being in The Winter Deity mode isn’t helping the SHIELD members either.

“Bucky, what name will she respond to when she’s like this?!” Nat calls as she tries to defend herself.

The thought makes Bucky want to throw up, the word tasting bitter on his tongue.

“Deity.”

Steve takes Bucky’s hand in his own and squeezes in reassurance.

“DEITY!” Nat yells, seeing the attention that’s caught by the woman. “REMEMBER BUCKY?!”

That word is literally all it takes for the woman to stop fighting, coming to a complete and utter standstill with wide eyes as she stares at Natasha.

“You have to remember Bucky.” Black Widow repeats, holding her hands up in surrender. “Bucky Barnes, the man who loves you with all his heart. The man who’d defend you to the ends of the Earth. The man who would do anything to protect you. He needs you to come back-“ She stops herself from saying (Y/N).

She also doesn’t risk mentioning Steve, unsure if that will help when she’s in this transfixed state.

“Deity,” A new masculine voice speaks through the speaks in the building.

“NO!” Bucky screams, also hearing it, increasing his pace to a speed he didn’t even know he could reach.

“Kill them all.” The voice adds.

That snaps (Y/N) out of her momentary haze and return her deathly glare on Nat and Clint.

“Shit.” Clint hisses, trying his best not to use his bow and arrows, knowing it could hurt her more than Bucky and Steve would be willing to accept.

The amount of HYDRA soldiers in and around the building is enough to keep the rest of the agents busy in the meantime.

“BARNES!” Nat yells through the comms, continuing to try to defend off the woman she knows as her friend. “God damnit, (Y/N), you need to remember Bucky.”

The word makes (Y/N)’s aggressive stance falter once more. She narrows her eyes.

“Stop saying that.” Her voice is lethal.

She sends her fist toward Natasha’s face and hits it straight on, followed by throwing her body over and wrapping her arms firmly around her neck.

“Die.” (Y/N) hisses, Clint trying to get back up from the hits he had also taken.

“DEITY!”

(Y/N) spins around and stares at the new voice that called her name but her eyes widen at the sight of the man she’s greeted with. The second Nat acknowledges the loosening on her neck, she throws (Y/N) off of her and jumps backwards.

“Deity, look at me.” Bucky tries again, taking a few tentative steps forward toward the woman he loves wholeheartedly, hating the name he’s addressing her with.

What breaks his heart just as much is the scars and bruises that coat the minimal skin she’s showing.

“You need to remember me, doll, it’s me. It’s Bucky.”

The word makes her eyes clench shut as if it pained her to hear it. Steve never saw (Y/N) when she was brainwashed by HYDRA and she was thankful for that, which is why Bucky made him wait round the corner and swear he won’t look until he’s called. The blond nodded, knowing this was for her sake. He stared up at the ceiling as he listened to their conversation.

“Trust me, my love, I would never hurt you. I keep you safe, remember? You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re not The Winter Deity and we are not your mission. You’re (Y/N) (L/N) and we are your family.” The brunet coaxes, watching her eyes flicker with emotion as they remain on his own, barely noticing him taking slow, cautious steps toward her. “I love you, doll. I’m gonna get you out of here, okay? It’s all going to be alright.”

Just when he thinks he’s got her hooked, the speakers shatter their second of tranquility.

“Deity, your mission is Bucky Barnes.” He demands, sounding almost rushed.

“I’ve got this asshole.” Tony calls through the comms.

Bucky’s eyes widen as he watches the emotion disappear instantly and that glazed, evil look wash over once more. Reaching to the back of her uniform, she yanks her dagger out and goes to shove it through the soldier’s torso, but he grabs the blade with his metal hand, stopping it midway.

“Look at me.”

She ignores him, eyes narrowing on his hand on the weapon, trying to get it out of his grasp.

“Deity, look at me!” He demands once more, finally getting her attention.

Without another thought, he wraps his hand around the back of her head.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

And his lips are on hers.

“If I ever end up under HYDRA’s control again, promise me you’ll just kill me.”

He remembers her words all too well, but he also remembers how he managed to talk his way out of not making that promise. He could never make that promise.

Once the man feels her entire body slacken in his arms, he pulls back slowly and scans over her face.

“Come back to me, doll.”

(Y/N)’s eyes remain closed for a few seconds before they open, tears instantly pouring over and her expression holds fear, staring back at Bucky’s. He rests both hands on her face.

“(Y/N)…” He breathes. The woman manages to nod, dropping the dagger in her right hand and slapping her palm over her agape mouth as she cries.

“Bucky,” The girl sobs, diving into his arms.

“Steve!” The brunet quickly calls as he lowers himself to his knees with (Y/N) in his arms.

“(Y/N) is back with us.” Clint says through the comms.

“We’ve got Rumlow on the jet, locked up ready to go.” Rhodey responds.

“We’ll head over now, give these guys fifteen minutes before leaving.” Nat adds, nodding at Steve as her and Clint head on out.

“Building is all clear.” Sam adds.

Steve drops to his knees beside Bucky and looks at the woman who’s clinging on The Winter Soldier for dear life. Sobs wrack her body and she’s trembling like hell.

“Doll, look at me.” Buck tries to soothe, but she shakes her head. “Please, just for a moment.”

After a few seconds, (Y/N) forces her head back away from his chest and looks up, meeting his worried stare before noticing the blond beside him who looks just as worried.

Using one hand to keep hold of Bucky, her other hand returns to covering her mouth.

“You’re safe, sweetheart. I promise you you’re safe now.” Cap speaks up first. He keeps his hands to himself, unsure of how to respond to her.

“They’re gone, (Y/N).” Bucky adds, watching the silent question linger in her eyes. “They’re all absolutely gone.” He confirms. “They’re not gonna touch you ever again, I swear.”

The woman manages to nod, flickering her gaze between her two lovers.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” The brunet murmurs, reaching out for her hand whilst Steve does the same.

A whimper escapes her and she nods, unable to speak.

Bucky lifts her up and glances at Steve.

“You okay?”

The blond nods, forcing a smile as his worried eyes land on his girlfriend.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

///

“How’re you feeling today, (Y/N)?” Bruce asks as he checks her vitals as he has done the last few days. No response, as usual. “Those two are still sat outside like sitting ducks.” He chuckles, hoping to get any form of response out of her, but she remains motionless as she lays on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

The man sighs after running his checks and looks down at her.

“What’re you worried about, (Y/N)?” He asks. “We still love you, you know?”

“You shouldn’t.” (Y/N) whispers, voice slightly strained as they’re the first words she’s spoken in days.

“You can’t punish yourself for this, (Y/N). You know you can’t. Tony feels guilty, you know? He built this tower to protect everyone and he thinks it’s his fault that those assholes managed to get in here and get to you. He hates himself, and I’m not trying to make you feel bad about it, but you have to understand that he doesn’t blame you, nor hold anything against you. He was worried beyond compare, (Y/N). We all were.” Bruce tells her, watching the emotions flicker behind her eyes. “They’re worried about you. Buck especially. He’s scared you’re going to hate him because he didn’t do what you asked him to if it happened again.”

This catches (Y/N)’s attention, head turning to meet his stare.

“I could never hate him.” She whispers.

The brunet forces a smile.

“You don’t need to tell me that. There’s two super soldiers outside this door who are desperate to have their girl back.”

He sees the gulp that hits her throat as she nods.

“Want me to get them?”

“Can I just… Bucky… God, Steve’s gonna- I don’t-“ She trips over her words, tears pooling in her eyes.

“(Y/N), listen to me,” Bruce begins again. “You want Bucky alone first, that’s fine. We all understand. In fact, I imagine Steve will understand the most. Bucky is your get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to HYDRA. We get it.”

(Y/N) continues to nod her head.

Bruce strides over to the door, opening it and letting himself out before closing it again. Bucky and Steve are instantly up on their feet, as they have done every time Bruce as exited the room.

“She was reluctant to say this because she doesn’t want you to hate her,” The man begins, flickering his gaze between the two men before landing on Steve.

“She needs Bucky first.” The blond breathes, knowing what’s coming.

“I’m glad you chose the word need instead of want, because she wants nothing more than both of you, but she’s scared and we know that Barnes is her HYDRA safe haven.”

Steve nods and takes a deep breath.

“I know. I know. I just- God, is she okay?” His eyes show desperation.

Buck turns around and pulls the man into a tight embrace, his own body trembling.

“I’m sorry.” The brunet whispers, Steve returning the hug.

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t mind, I understand, I just miss her.”

“She’s getting there, Steve; I actually got answers out of her today. She thinks everyone hates her, as (Y/N) does, but she’s realising. She just needs him to assure her.” Bruce answers the captain’s earlier question.

Steve nods and pulls away from Bucky’s embrace, feeling a peck on his lips.

“I’ll bring her back to us.” Buck promises before heading toward the door, knocking before entering.

His heart wrenches at the sight of his girl, sniffling and whimpering as tears stream down her face, her body bandaged up from the bruises she received.

“(Y/N),” He breathes, striding over and reaching for her hand, watching her head snap around to look at him, eyes wide. “It’s me, doll, it’s me, it’s Bucky.”

It takes her a few moments to come around, quick, heavy exhales pouring from her lungs.

“Bucky,” She whispers. The man forces a smile.

“Yeah, doll, it’s me.”

Reaching up with trembling arms, (Y/N) grasps his shirt and pulls him down toward her, Buck sitting on the edge of her bed at an angle, facing toward her best he can, and pulls her into a tight embrace.

“It’s over, (Y/N). It’s completely over, I promise.” He mumbles into her hair, planting kisses there.

“I hurt Nat.” She mewls, the soldier shaking his head.

“She’s fine, doll. You know her, she can take a beating before she starts to complain. You barely scratched her. You came back to us before that. You know why? Because they don’t control you, (Y/N). You’re stronger than them and you proved it. I’m sorry we weren’t there. Stevie and I hate the fact that we weren’t there to stop them hurting you but we swear, we won’t let them near you again.”

Tilting her head up, her glassy eyes meet her lover’s and they’re instantly drawn to each other, lips connecting.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Buck.” She ends her sentence with a lingering pause.

“What is it?” He asks, knowing she wants to say something more.

“Stevie.” Her voice sounds so tentative, it breaks Bucky’s heart. His girl is the most strong, confident woman he’s ever known and she’s never sounded more scared.

“Wanna see Steve, baby?”

(Y/N) gulps but nods.

“Just Stevie.”

“Just Stevie, doll. No-one else but us three.” Buck confirms. “Let me just go and get him, alright? He missed you so much, (Y/N).”

“Did he see me?” She whispers, meeting her lover’s gaze once more.

Bucky shakes his head.

“I made sure of it.”

The brunet heads over to the door and opens it, seeing Tony and Nat have now joined Steve.

“Steve,” He calls, gesturing his head to the room. The blond’s eyes widen and he’s instantly on his feet. “She needs you.”

The captain walks into the room, Bucky lingering behind, knowing Steve needs his time with her for a moment.

“How is she?” Tony asks the man by the door. He sighs.

“She’ll come round. She’s stronger than all of us combined, mentally.” Bucky states, Tony nodding in agreement.

(Y/N)’s eyes meet Steve’s and she can’t stop tears flowing over once again.

“Stevie,” She whimpers, arms reaching out toward him.

“Oh, sweetheart,” The man breathes, completely taken aback by her childlike actions, but knows that she needs this. She needs to be comforted, to be in a position where she knows she can rely on others to look after he. “You’re okay, (Y/N). You’re safe.” He murmurs, taking her into his arms and holding her as close as he can.

He can feel himself tearing up as he holds her in his arms once again.

“God, baby, I’m so glad you’re safe.’

“I’m so sorry.” (Y/N) cries, allowing herself to be carried like a child by her lover.

“Shh, don’t apologise. Don’t you dare apologise for this. This wasn’t you, it was them, but they’re gone now, okay? They’re gone and they’re never coming near you or Bucky ever again, I swear it.” Steve states, voice wavering as tears spill but he tries to stay strong for her.

“I love you so much, Steve.” She sniffles, Steve turning his head and kissing the side of her own.

“I love you too, (Y/N). So much.”

Bucky comes back in and smiles with sad eyes at the sight of his two partners. (Y/N) opens her eyes, feeling the stare on her, and forcing a smile through her tears at the brunet.

“James,” She whispers, reaching toward him with one arm, Steve keeping her up.

No more words are spoken as the soldier comes over and joins their embrace, all of them knowing that it’ll take time before any of them can be alone again.

Three weeks later, (Y/N) was back in her room but barely left it, often left with one, if not both, but Tony comes in with Bruce one day.

“If it isn’t my favourite trio.” The playboy grins.

“What’s up?” Bucky immediately asks, feeling his girl curl into him as the men enter the room.

“(Y/N), I have a favour to ask.”

The girl glances up at the man with a questioning expression.

“Can I borrow your two super soldiers for thirty minutes to an hour? Bruce will stick around with you, I promise we won’t be far, we’ll be in the conference room on the seventeenth floor, alright?” He requests, sitting down on the edge of the bed besides Bucky’s legs and giving the woman a look of seriousness and promise.

(Y/N)’s body tenses at the request but she knows Tony wouldn’t ask this if it wasn’t important.

“It’s nothing about missions or anything, I swear, princess.”

Normally she’d ask why he can’t just say what he needs to say to them here. Ask why she can’t go with them, but she knows if she should be there, she would be.

“I’m so down to continue watching Friends, (Y/N).” Bruce grins, making the girl force a small smile.

“Okay.”

Bucky and Steve daren’t give their input, also knowing that Tony wouldn’t do this unless it was important.

“We won’t be long, doll.” The brunet whispers, pressing a kiss to his girl’s head.

“Try not to talk Bruce’s ear off, sweetheart.” Steve jokes, also kissing her head.

The three head on down to the room, nothing being said. They can tense Tony’s stress.

“First of all, I’m sorry to split you from your girl.” He begins.

“It’s fine, just talk.” Steve responds.

“I got footage,” Tony states, watching the mens’ eyes narrow in question. “Of what they did to her.”

That’s when their eyes widen. Bucky zones out completely as he remembers seeing it himself too many times.

“Do you want to see it?”

Steve looks at Bucky awaiting his response. If it was solely up to the captain, he would say yes without thinking twice, but he knows the pain that seeing it caused Bucky in the past.

“Where’s Rumlow?” The Winter Soldier questions, face tense.

“Downstairs.” Tony response, referring to their prison in the basements of the tower.

“I want him.” Bucky growls, the billionaire nodding.

“He’s all yours.”

The brunet finally nods.

“Show me.”

“FRIDAY, play the videos of (Y/N).”

“Of course, sir.” The AI answers, displaying the first clip on screen.

Steve audibly growls at the sight of her strapped to the chair that looked worse than a dentists chair.

“That sick fucking bastard put her back in the same fucking room.” Buck hisses, clenching his fists.

“If you don’t start voluntarily complying, I’m gonna have to get the soldier back in.”

“NO! Don’t hurt him, don’t fucking touch him!”

“Then I suggest you start doing as you’re told.”

The more videos they watch, the more furious and emotional they get.

“Stop.” Bucky demands, seeing Steve’s tears and fury. “Steve,”

The blond turns his head to face him.

“You can try and stop me all you want but I am killing that man. I know I swore I wouldn’t kill again, but I refuse to let him go. I made that mistake once and I refuse to make it again.”

Cap doesn’t respond, but his eyes show that he isn’t going to try and stop him.

“Tony,”

“I ain’t playing no part, but I’m not disagreeing with you. Steve can’t go back to her alone, she’ll ask questions.”

“Then he can wait here.” Buck states, glancing at his lover who nods.

The billionaire leads the soldier to the elevator and down to the floor he’s on, opening the door to the room with the cell in the centre. Bucky storms in without second thought.

“Oh, well look who decided to show their face. Long-time-no-see, Soldier.”

“Why?” Bucky seethes, eyes ablaze.

“Why what? Why did I break into Stark’s tower? Why did I not hurt any of the Avengers? Why did I kidnap your pretty little Deity?”

“Don’t call her that.” The man’s voice is threatening. Rumlow notices that this isn’t an empty warning. He’s not making it out of this alive.

“She cried for you, you know? Wouldn’t stop screaming your name and that… Captain’s. Shame I couldn’t really understand it when she was choking on her own blood.” Brock shrugs, smirking as he watches the soldier’s fist slam on the glass cell walls.

“Why her?! Why not me?!”

“If you used that big brain of yours, Soldier, you’d realise that the mission you and your precious captain were sent on the day I got your girl was all a set up to get you away from her, but you didn’t even bat an eyelid.”

Bucky turns around and grabs a gun off of the table and unlocks the cell door, strolling in and raising the weapon.

“The last thing she said before she became my Deity was nothing but begs for me to kill her.” The criminal grins, but before Bucky can pull the trigger, another gun goes off, straight through the bastard’s head.

The brunet’s eyes widen and turns around, glancing up to see Clint and Nat, Clint with the gun in his hands.

“You’re not a killer, Barnes.”

“Why… What? Why would you-“

Clint shrugs and points down.

“He asked me to do it if you were gonna.”

The soldier looks back down and sees Tony leaning against the wall.

“The words: Bucky Barnes is not a killer, might sound sentimental, but in reality, I am not having your girlfriend, the girl I see as my sister, have a killer as a boyfriend. The Winter Soldier was a murderer, I am not allowing Bucky Barnes to become one as well.” Iron Man states.

“But Clint-“

“I’m already a killer, Barnes.” The archer shrugs. “Besides, any guilt I felt was talked out of me by this one.” He adds, gesturing his head to Natasha. “I don’t feel guilty for killing him. He deserved to die.”

“Go back to your super soldier and super girl, Barnes.” Nat adds, the man nodding.

“Thank you.”

The amount of appreciation and sincerity in the ex-assassin’s words makes the trio understand how much he truly thanks them.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, dashing to his male lover the second he re-enters the room, hands flying up to his face.

Bucky’s hands reach up also, lightly holding onto Steve’s wrists, meeting his gaze and smiling.

“Yeah.”

“Is he…” The blond trails off.

“I didn’t do it.”

Steve furrows his brows.

“Clint…” He whispers, watching his man’s surprised expression. “Tony didn’t want me to become the killer I once was.”

Cap’s arms pull the man in to a right embrace.

“It’s over, Steve.”

“Let’s go to our girl, yeah?”

The knock on the door makes (Y/N) flinch but Bruce’s calming words keep her grounded.

“FRIDAY, who’s at the door?”

“Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers, sir.”

Banner glances at (Y/N) and she smiles, nodding.

“Let them in.”

The woman sits upright and stares at the men with a questioning look, but Bucky simply smiles. Bruce stands up and silently takes his leave, Steve giving him a thankful nod.

“Never again, doll.” The brunet promises, (Y/N) tearing up at his words. “Never again.”

///

“This film is garbage!” Sam whines, throwing his head back and adds a groan onto the end of his sentence for emphasis.

“You’re garbage, Bird Boy!” (Y/N) responds, throwing her empty, plastic bottle at his head, hitting perfectly.

“Ow!” He cries out, grabbing the bottle and instantly throwing it back, Bucky’s metal arm flying out in front of his girl before it can hit her. “Unfair!”

Steve and (Y/N) laugh at the exchange and shake their heads.

“You need yourself some bodyguards as good as mine, Sammy.” The girl’s laughter fills the room and it makes the mens’ hearts swell. Sam tuts.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, what’s the next movie on the list?”

“But I love this!” She emphasises her whiny voice and Sam rolls his eyes.

“I agree with Princess Peach, Scooby-Doo is a fantastic movie!” Tony calls, diving over the sofa and sitting down beside Sam. “Now shut it.”

“Really?!” Falcon exclaims, giving Tony a raised brow.

“Damn straight.” The billionaire grins, (Y/N) leaning her head against Steve’s chest, his back facing the armrest of the sofa, one leg hanging off the edge whilst the other is bent at the knee along the backrest. Her legs are resting atop Bucky’s thighs as he sits regularly on the sofa.

“You okay?” Cap whispers into her ear, arms wrapped her torso.

(Y/N) smiles and leans back into his chest, glancing at Sam and Tony who are bickering, Bruce and Nat who are chatting away across the room, Clint and Rhodey who are having some sort of drinking competition, Wanda and Scott talking about her power, and then the two lovers of her life looking at her with so much love in their eyes.

These people forgave her. They love her and care for her. They protect her and will fight for her. They’re her family when she had no-one but Bucky. They accepted her with open arms. They disregarded HYDRA’s venom inside her. They treat her as an equal. She made herself believe she is an equal.

“I’ve never been happier.”

395 notes · View notes

long-bodyswap · 5 years

Text

A long day’s journey

This is also one of my favorites too. Found it in an old yahoo bodyswap forum. Enjoy.

Mike woke with a start when the tires hit the rumble strip. It was a long day, he was headed home after a few days on the road. He had made a few good contacts and wrote up some decent sales, but he really just wanted to get home and into bed. The road wasn’t the place for a 45-year-old guy, and Mike knew it. “Better left to the young punks,” he thought. He really wanted a comfortable desk job, there was one opening up in a few weeks when Murray retired, then all he’d have to do was send those young jerk offs to meet with customers, God -it couldn’t happen soon enough.

He flipped though the radio stations, sure wasn’t much on the air out this way, middle of nowhere. If he was going to stay on the road he’d pop for XM or Sirius but his road days were coming to an end. 40 miles to Medford, 6:30 PM and it was already getting dark. Medford was a college town, decent food, he could stop there grab something to eat and make it home by midnight if he pushed it. Mike always hated this stretch of the trip home, just vast open spaces nothing around for miles, the road cut through part of an Indian Reservation, he never bothered to find out which one. But he did always stop to pick up some cigarettes for Murray at the gas station where he crossed into the reservation. He never could understand how people could pay so much just to watch it go up in smoke. At least without taxes the prices were better, but still… Oh well, Murray was a friend and had put in a good word for him with the bosses so he didn’t mind.

The sun had set, the sky went from orange to deep purple. 35 miles to Medford… Mike glanced down at the radio as he flipped through a few more stations, something caught his eye and as he looked up it was too late --- there was a brief sound as metal hit metal at 60 miles an hour then darkness as everything slipped away…

“Doctor! He’s coming around”

Mike heard that at some level, everything sounded weird. He was in that in-between state not quite asleep - and not yet quite awake. He felt like hell. He tried to open his eyes but his eyelids felt strange, heavy. It wasn’t just his eyelids, he felt heavy and it was very difficult to move. He managed to get his eyes open, the room was dimly lit, he could sense a presence next to him, a middle aged woman stuck her head in front of his face, “OK. Doctor! His eyes are open.”

“Don’t try to move, you been through a lot.” Somehow Mike knew that was directed at him. He was more than willing to cooperate, it would take all his will power just to lift his hand up, even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He was ready to drift back to sleep, but the doctor came over, at least Mike assumed he was the doctor, he was 28 maybe 30 holding Mike’s chart.

“I’m Dr. Thompson, do you know where you are?”

Mike struggled to get “hoshpital” out, a little slurred but understandable.

“Great! That’s right” the Dr. replied, “Do you know what happened?”

Mike closed his eyes for a second, “Accident?” he managed to whisper.

“That’s right”, the Dr. responded. “Do you know where you were headed?”

“Sleep…”

“No, don’t sleep, where were you going?”

“Home”, Mike was still in one word response mode, the Doctor wanted more.

“OK, can you tell us your name?”

“Mike Watson”

“How old are you?” “45” Mike croaked, “Water?”

“Nurse, just a sip..” “Is that better?” the doctor inquired.,

“Yeah, think so”, Mike replied.

“Ok, I think you’re awake enough for me to fill you in on some of the details.” Dr. Thompson said. “As you know you were in an accident, you were heading north to Medford, when a car crossed into your lane and hit you almost head on. Your car was totaled, it was the airbags and seatbelt that saved you life, plus the fact that it happened in a wide open area, you were pushed into a field.”

Mike grunted ”Ummf.”

“We had to make some quick decisions.” the doctor went on, “The collision knocked your ID a ways out, we didn’t know who you were, we had no way of contacting your family, the police only found it this morning after dawn.”

“Yeah….” Mike said waiting for the rest of the story.

Dr. Thompson hesitated, not sure how he should begin, after all he had never done this before… “I don’t know if you are aware but Highway 40 cuts through an Indian Reservation, and that Reservation runs almost into town, the College actually borders it. But anyway, the accident took place on the Reservation, so their local laws are enforced.” Mike looked a little puzzled, why was the doctor telling him all this? “Well, the driver that hit you was a local college student, with a bit of a history. Josh had done this before, got drunk and killed another driver, but since he was underage and his family is well connected he was given probation and rehab and allowed to return to campus the next year. There was quite a bit of outrage locally, but being on the football team and with his connections it was all down played.” The doctor looked away, Mike could tell there was something he wasn’t telling him. Dr. Thompson felt stupid, here he was giving a back-story, but how could he come right out and tell Mike what had happened to him? The Dr. took a deep breath, “As I said, we had to make some tough decisions when you were brought in. Josh had some minor injuries, and you were near death. I guess you could say it was a function of where you were as much as anything, but… we transferred your consciousness to Josh’s body.” There, he said it.

Mike looked at him dumbfounded, “Huh?”

The doctor went on “The University has been doing a lot of research in the area of consciousness and it’s link to who we are, and with the influx of money from the casinos the Indians, or I should say Native Americans, own, our funding has gone up quite a bit and allowed us to progress rapidly. Some of the expansion here at the university is onto the Reservation so their laws apply. They have a very strict ‘eye for an eye’ philosophy that they live by. When they found you and brought you in along with Josh and his buddy Tuck, the tribal leader was very upset that Josh was allowed to do this again.” Dr. Thompson went on “ They insisted we rectify this situation, and while we had done human testing, it was always voluntary and reversible. We were getting into a very ethically gray area, but the decision was made to go ahead. Josh was given the facts, he knew that tribal law dictated his execution if you died, and there was nothing anyone could do, it did happen on tribal land, their laws apply. He knew he had a small chance of survival in your body, no chance if he didn’t do this and you died.” The Dr. took a drink of water before he continued on, “By this point you were near death and we had to move quickly. Normally the process takes hours, which we didn’t have. So we had to make another hard decision. We transferred the core of Josh out and transferred as much of you in as we could. But this is a new area for us, we don’t know how this will all play out, you have Josh’s body, and his physicality. You may have his knowledge and even some or all of his memories, we really don’t know. You might end up as Josh with some of Mike mixed in, or Mike with some of Josh. The two aspects may blend and you might decide you’re neither and decide to be ‘Jake’. We just don’t know at this point.”

Mike laid there slack jawed, did he really hear what he thought he heard? “But, but --I’m Mike Watson!” was all he could say.

“Yes, I know that.” The doctor said, “But at this point you really haven’t integrated with the part that was Josh, that won’t happen for awhile. At this point you talk, and when you can, you’ll move like Josh, but you’re Mike. Gradually you will become more aware of Josh and you will have to deal with that.”

Mike stared at the doctor for a minute taking it all in. “Wha, what do I look like?” Mike asked. “Well you’re about the same height, 6’3’’, you weigh a bit more, about 240 lbs, Blonde hair, Blue eyes. We’ll let you up in a few minutes and you can see who you’ve become, we just have to make sure you’re strong enough.”

“My body?” Mike asked, looking like he didn’t want to hear the answer.

“It’s still alive, on a respirator. Josh might survive in it, but he will be a paraplegic, plus there is a good chance of brain damage. A blood clot broke loose after we did the transfer and he suffered a stroke, we’re surprised he lasted this long. I should tell you this, if somehow your body survives and if you want you can be returned to it, it will be your choice.”

Mike lay there staring, was he dreaming? This had to be a joke. And a bad joke at that.

“Can you move your legs?” Dr. Thompson asked, Mike wiggled his legs, “Great, how about your arms?”

Mike lifted his arms, he took a look at his hands and had a shock, “The-the- these aren’t my hands!” Mike stuttered and he examined his hands. They were big and beefy with long fingers, not at all like his average sized hands with short stubby fingers. He looked dumbfounded as he twisted and turned, open and closed his hands. He looked at his arms, golden tan, very well muscled. “This is real?” was all Mike could say.

“Yes, it’s very real.” Dr. Thompson replied.

Now Mike knew why he felt so odd. He was seeing with another man’s eyes and hearing with another man’s ears. Everything looked a little odd, colors where somehow strange. It seemed he could hear a bit more, softer sounds were clearer. He ventured a look down and saw a well muscled chest and he could feel his heart thumping rapidly.

The nurse came over and took his pulse, “Doctor, it’s quite high..”

“Mike, take a few deep breaths, try and relax a little”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not…” Mike stopped in mid sentence, was that really his voice? It hadn’t connected before, he was talking with a soft southern accent!

“Mike, what is it?”

“My voice, why am I talking like this?”

The doctor took a long look at Mike before he went on, “As I mentioned before, it was a tough decision, but with the disparity in your bodies and ages, plus the time constrains we were dealing with, we opted to leave the physical side of Josh in place, so you have Josh’s characteristics, you talk like he does and you will find you move as he did. Odds are you wont’ really be aware of it, since your physical aspects aren’t part of you any longer, your body is sort of on Josh’s auto pilot, it’s part of you now.”

“Can I get up now?” Mike said, “God, I’m really talking like this?” The words sounded foreign to him.

“Lets try sitting on the edge of the bed first.”

Mike didn’t give it too much thought, as he quickly swung his legs over the side of the bed.

The doctor look a bit surprised, but pleased “Great, looks like you are integrating well.”

The doctor pointed over to a large mirror on the other side of the room, “Think you can make it over there?” “Nurse can you open the shades a little so Mr. Watson can get a good look at himself?” The nurse pulled the shade halfway up; the light caused Mike to squint. Mike took a few small steps, felt stable and proceeded over to the mirror. He rubbed his eyes as they adjusted to the light. Mike took a deep breath and steeled him self for what he was going to see. “Ok, guy you can do this…” Mike thought to himself. He did a quick headshake as if to clear his thoughts and faced his future staring back at him from the mirror. “Shit” was all he uttered, his mouth hanging open. “Th-th-that’s me?” he asked incredulously. The doctor walked up and put his hand on Mike shoulder, “Yes, that’s you…” and just left the statement hanging in the air.

“I-I-I’m a kid!” was all Mike could say.

“Well, technically you’re not, Josh is, was, 19, an adult.”

Mike just stood there staring. He blinked once, twice, three times. The image in the mirror did the same. Mike took his hands and brushed his cheek, rubbed his jaw. The skin was soft and firm. He looked at himself. He had a strong jaw line and a crease in his chin. His golden blonde hair was cut short, kind of buzzed off the way kids wear it now. His bright blue eyes had a fire to them. His nose was slightly upturned and positioned between two high cheekbones. He turned his head a little and noticed his ears. They were moderate size and close to his head, the earlobes seemed to connect to his jaw line, “Damn” he uttered. Everyone had something about themselves that they disliked, for Mike one of these things were his ears. They stuck out a bit and as a kid he was always teased about it, not any more he thought. With all that’s going on he had no idea why that thought crossed his mind.

He took a step back in order to get a better look at himself. He looked at the image staring back at him, young, tan, muscular, naked. Naked! Mike didn’t even realize he wasn’t wearing anything. He looked down at himself and over to the doctor.

“ Hey man, it all right, you’ve been naked through out the whole process.” The doctor said.

Somehow it didn’t bother Mike as much as it used to- shit, he was a hunk! He had a thick neck that flowed into broad shoulders that had caps of muscle on the shoulders. “Damn, I look like one of those models in the magazines.” He said as he looked down the body that was now his home. Well-developed pec’s sprouted two small dark brown nipples, he reached up to rub them, they had decent sized bumps and the action was very pleasurable. He had never given any thought to his nipples before, he was much more interested in women’s nipples, that could change… As he looked down, that broad chest tapered down to a small waist that displayed abs that must have taken years to get that hard. Mike noticed he now had an innie, a small disk recessed into those massive abs. As his gaze continued, “Fuck” came out of his mouth. Mike stood there looking at the piece of manhood nestled in a golden blonde bush of hair. Mike was always comfortable with his 5 incher, but he was now big, and uncut, and he had a mushroom head to boot. His new cock hung there, and there was no hiding it. It was very prominent, Mike didn’t know if it was the muscles, or just this guy’s anatomy, but he knew that from this point on his dick would always be one of his prominent features, there was no way to hide this. As he looked he noticed his nice smooth balls. Not a bad size and hairless, damn I guess this kid shaves his balls Mike thought. He finally pried his eyes off his dick and balls and looked at the legs that supported him now. He could tell this kid spent a lot of time working on them, big hard ass, massive thighs and calves. The thick ankles lead down to wide, big feet, had to be a size 13 or better.

“So, what do you think?” inquired the doctor,

“Shit, I don’t know what to think, I’m a fucking 19 year old jock, I cain’t say I’d ever dreamed this was possible.” Mike shook his head did he really say ‘cain’t’? Mike had always prided him self on his diction, he always felt it was the sign of an educated businessman to be able to converse with others and sound intelligent, now he not only had a 19 year olds body, he was talking like one. Damn…

“Do you feel strong enough to get cleaned up and dressed? There’s a walk in shower in the bath, and I sent one of the techs to Josh’s dorm room to pick up some clothes, I don’t think anything you own would fit that body…” the doctor said as he looked over toward the nurse when he heard her pager go off.

As it beeped Mike looked over toward her too, “ Damn, she ain’t bad looking for an older chic,” Mike thought to himself as he gave her the once over. “ Nice firm tit’s” he thought. He blinked and quickly looked away, this didn’t go unnoticed by either the doctor or the nurse, Mike blushed, though it was kind of hard to tell with that dark tan, but his dick at half mast was a give away. Not only was he 19, Mike discovered he was horny as hell.

“That was the tech, he’s dropped off a bag with some of Josh’s clothes at the front desk, I’ll go bring them in” The nurse said as she waited for the Ok from the Doctor. He nodded, and she left with a little smile for Mike.

“Doctor..Uh..Thompson is it?”

“Call me Jim, were going to be seeing a lot of each other for quite some time” the Doctor replied.

“OK, Dr. .. Jim, I’m sorry about that.”

“Tell me, what were you thinking? ---No, I don’t mean it like that” Jim added quickly when he saw the look on Mikes face. “I really need to know what was going through your mind just now. It will help in figuring out what is going on with you.”

“OK, Jim,” Mike said as he sat on the edge of the bed, “ I was thinking she was pretty hot for an older woman, her tit’s looked nice and firm --. Dr., ..Jim, that’s not me, hell she’s a lot younger than me, no way would I think of her as older. Women her age don’t give me a second look.”

“Mike, you have to remember your body is operating with a 19 year old’s libido, physically you are Josh now.”

Mike sat there, he looked down at his hands and at his cock still at half mast.

“Listen, how about if I give you some time to get to know yourself.” Jim said with a little smile. “A nice hot shower and some clean clothes will make you feel like a new man.” He chuckled. Mike didn’t know if he was ready for levity about his situation, but he did get the drift of Jim’s other comment.

“Yeah, sounds good” Mike replied.

“Tell you what, I’ll leave my cell number here, either give me a call or ask one of the staff to get me when your feeling up to a talk. Take your time, I know it’s a lot to get used to.” Jim said as he started out the door.

“You have no idea” Mike muttered under his breath.

“Sure I do” Jim replied, Mike looked a little sheepish; he didn’t think Jim could hear him.

“ Everyone involved in the program has had to go through the procedure. Granted, it was only for a few weeks, and we all returned to our bodies after the trial run was over, but yes, I do know what it’s like.” Jim said matter-of-factly. “ Listen, we’ll have lots of time to talk later about the program and our goals, but right now you have more pressing matters.” Jim chuckled as he walked out.

One of the ‘more pressing’ matters Mike had to deal with has the fact he needed to pee, bad. As Jim left, Mike moved quickly to the bathroom and the toilet. He quickly flipped the seat up and pulled back his foreskin and let a heavy stream flow. “Damn.” That felt good Mike thought as he looked down and the stream was lessening. “Fuck, I didn’t even think about rolling my cock cover back” Mike thought to himself as he shook the last drops of pee off his cock. ‘Cock cover’ Mike thought ‘where the hell did that come from.’ ‘Shit, why does every sentence start with an expletive’ Mike wondered. He flushed, and flipped the shower on. The warm steamy mist quickly filled the room. Mike stepped into the shower and the warm stream of water felt great on his back. His hand instinctively found it’s way to his cock and was massaging it before he realized it. He was hard in seconds. Mike looked down and was surprised to see the large dark purple head of his cock. It was so sensitive he could barley touch it. It was much smother than his cock, the years of being exposed to his clothes had taken its toll on it, it was rough and desensitized. The feeling was exquisite as he rolled the foreskin back and forth. It hit him right then what a crime it was to circumcise boys, the pleasure he was feeling was so much greater than he had ever felt before. He closed his eyes and went with the pleasure. Images of big-breasted redheads filled his mind, he was playing with their breasts, he was eating them out, the pleasure grew. Before he knew it he was spurting his load, it came and came. “Fuck, that was some load, I wonder when the last time this kid came” Mike wondered. Still feeling the glow Mike washed down the wall where his cum hit and proceeded to wash his massive body. He thought about the redhead in his fantasy, he was always a sucker for blondes but that redhead really turned him on. It felt good rubbing the cloth over his body. He could feel the muscles that rippled just below his skin. As he stood there and let the warm water rinse the soap off his body he realized something, he didn’t have any tan lines! “Fuck, this dude must tan in the nude, I wonder if that’s why it didn’t feel strange walking around naked” he thought to himself. That was a new feeling for Mike, he was never comfortable walking around in the locker room naked as some of the guys were, he was always ashamed of his pudgy gut. “No more” he thought. He toweled off, and stepped up to the mirror., looked at his face and decided he liked the little bit of stubble that Josh had cultivated. The dark stubble matched his eyebrows and contrasted nicely with his golden blonde hair. Mike tousled his hair and it fell into place, “I guess that is one advantage to short hair” he thought. Mike looked at what toiletries were available, he found a disposable razor he wasn’t going to need at the moment, a tooth brush and paste, some deodorant and a comb, all typical hospital issue. Mike slid his tongue over his teeth, they felt gummy, he was glad to be able to brush them. As he bent over to spit out the foam he noticed his lips – full, red, sexy. He spit and looked at his large white teeth, they weren’t quite perfect, a couple of the lower ones were crooked, but the overall effect made his face look more masculine. He stood there and took a long hard look at himself. He was one good-looking dude. A knock at the outer door stirred him out of his reverie,

“I’ll put the bag with your clothes on the bed” he heard the nurse say from the other room.

‘Great, thanks ma’am ” he replied. He reached for the stick of antiperspirant, opened it and was about to apply it when it hit him, he had some of the ‘fuckinest hairy pits he’d ever seen’. Wow, where did that come from Mike wondered? The hair was golden blonde as was the rest of his pubes, but damn there as a lot of it! He applied the goo, and then he noticed the bush of hair visible even when his arms were down, though the muscles held them a bit way from his sides. He gave himself one last look and left the room.

There was a black duffel bag with the school logo sitting on the bed, Mike walked over and opened it up. There was an assortment of clothes there, but all were athletic gear, sweats, cross trainers, Ts. Mike found some boxers in the bottom, they all had funky prints, he chose the ones with a smiley face with its tongue hanging out. As he slid them up over his legs, he noticed his legs were pretty hairy too, but since it was blonde he didn’t notice it before that. With the amount of hair in his pits and on his legs he wondered if the kid waxed his chest, he decided he’d find out soon enough. Mike found a pair of socks and he picked up a grey muscle T, it had a logo of course, and he slid on a pair of breakaway warm up pants, and he pulled out a pair of cross trainers. After he tied his shoes he walked over to the mirror. Mike stood there for a long look. The T was tight and his prominent nipples showed through along with his pecs and lats. These were defiantly his clothes, they fit him well. He looked down at his hands, he flipped them over and looked at his palms, he saw a few small scars he wondered how Josh got them. He looked over to the clock, it’s had been over 2 hours since the doctor left, Mike was curious about what to expect, and to find out just how this had happened to him. He picked up the phone and punched Jim’s number in…

Mike thought it was strange, his whole world had changed in the past few hours, he was walking around in some strange kids body, but he felt fine. His reality shifted and Mike felt he should be terrified of what had happened to him, but somehow he didn’t, why? That was the first thing he wanted to ask Jim when he got there. Mike went and looked out the window, he could see the rolling foothills in the distance. He saw all the students going about their business, laughing, running, goofing off. Mike rubbed his eyes, “Shit I can see a hell of a lot better.” he thought to himself. He heard something behind him and turned to see Dr. Thompson come in.

“Looks like you’re doing OK”,

“Yeah, I guess” Jim looked at Mike for a moment, not sure what to say, Mike turned to him,” This is so fuck’n weird -- how come I’ve never heard of even the possibility of doing this?”

Jim looked at him, “Come on man, you’re a smart guy, how would the world react if it discovered that there was a possibility that someone was not who they appeared to be – what if this fell into the wrong hands?”

It hit Mike, all the possibilities, “Shit.”

“Odds are you are getting hungry, want to go grab something to eat and talk?”

“Fuck, Yeah, ...” Mike responded.

As they walked down the hallway to the cafeteria, Mike asked, “How come it’s so easy for me to function in here, I’m walkin’ and talkin’ like nothin’ happened?”

“We’ve found that the consciousness is pretty resilient, it adapts pretty easily. I was a woman for a few weeks when I did the exchange and that’s a lot bigger change than you’ve gone through. At first it was weird but after an hour or so I was functioning pretty much as my self.”

Mike looked at him,” You’re shittin’ me”

“No- in some ways it a little like what you’re going through, Karen and I agreed that we would try leaving the physical in place and adding our ‘identity’ to the body. I was me, but without the male side, it was --- interesting…”

Jim kind of trailed off in thought. They rounded the corner and entered the cafeteria, picked up a couple of trays and proceeded down the line. Mike and Jim continued to talk, and halfway through the line Mike looked down and noticed his tray, it was loaded with protein and no carbs, he blinked. Just then the girl behind the counter asked him what kind of entrée he’d like, he looked up and smiled at her and immediately started flirting with her, she turned around to get him a plate and Mike undressed her in his mind. He could just see her there, firm tight breasts bouncing around as she served and a great ass, he could feel himself getting more aroused by the second.

“Down boy!” he heard Jim whisper in his ear, he looked down and saw what Jim had noticed. Blushing, he looked away. They picked up the rest of their food and found a table in the corner, away from the rest of the late afternoon crowd.

“We can talk here.” Jim said as he set down his tray.

“Yeah, I do have a few questions.” Mike said with the emphasis on few…

“I know it’s a lot to take in, plus your dealing with a teenagers sex drive.” Jim stirred his coffee. “I’ve got to warn you, you’re in the eye of the hurricane right now. You’re Mike and you only have a bit of Josh to deal with. Over the next few days you’re going to be exposed to more and more of Josh, some you may like and some you may not.” Mike looked at him with a bit of apprehension.

“One thing we’re going to have to deal with sooner than later is the fact that Josh has an addictive personality. We’d like to go in and see if we can remove that portion of Josh, before it blends with you.”

Mike looked at him, “Huh?”

“Now that you’re stabilized, we’d like to ‘explore’ that part of Josh that made him drink too much and use drugs. It’s in there with you, you just haven’t connected with it yet. We’re hoping we can prevent that since our best guess is it will infect you, sooner than later.” Jim let that statement hang there for emphasis.

“Hey man, I’ve had the occasion drink, now and then even a bit too much at times, but I’m in control of it. Hell it’s been years since I even touched weed. I should be able to handle this.” Mike said a little indignantly.

“Like you handle the pocket rocket down there?

Mike blushed. Jim went on,” You have to realize that you are dealing with a whole new set of needs, wants and abilities. You’re 19 again, your in sexual overdrive, and that is just the beginning. We don’t know too much about Josh, but what we do know raises some serious questions about what we may have done to you in our efforts to save you. We have a small window to do this, we’d like to try and ‘correct’ this after we finish here… I’m serious.” He could sense Mike’s incredulity.

“What the HELL have you done to me! I didn’t ask for ANY of this! Now you want to fuck with what’s left of my mind! SHIT do you hear yourself! Did I get any say in any of this? You ASKED Josh, he had a say, but me, I don’t get any input and it’s MY FUCKING LIFE!” Mike hit his fist on the table. The whole room was watching him. He was staring at Jim and Jim just sat there looking like he was run over by a truck.

Jim sat there for a moment collecting his thoughts. “Listen, this wasn’t my idea. I’m a researcher, and I just happened to be working when this happened. I’m the lead on this project, that’s why I’m here. I never said I agreed with it, but the decision wasn’t mine. I seriously thought about walking away, but I have had the most experience, if you can call a 3 week transfer experience, so I agreed to oversee it. You are unique. You may be the first to experience a change in the way we look at life and death, you may be the last if we fail. I don’t know if we just jumped off a cliff ethically.” He sipped his coffee as he let that sink in.

“You are an intelligent man, you’ve lived 45 years, and you have to know what the implications of this are, if you only stop and think about it. When I first got involved with this process I was intrigued, hell I still am, but you have to know that I wrestle with the ethical implications daily. Am I doing the right thing? I don’t know. I do know if I wasn’t here someone else would be, and that person my not have the ethical qualms I have. I don’t need you to point out what I have done, I’m well aware of it. I know it’s been done TO you, and I can only begin to fathom your anxiety, but Mike, you have to work with the cards you were dealt. You could be dead now.”

Mike sat there for a long minute staring at his hands. “Maybe that would be better. Maybe it was my time… Sure, this kid screwed up, we all did when we were younger, maybe not as bad as Josh, but we all were stupid and think we’re invincible at 19 or 20. Hell, my own 22-year-old son still does stupid things. What right to I have to take another persons shot at life, no matter how bad he fucked it up? He might have learned something sitting in jail for years, I don’t know.”

Jim thought it was incongruous hearing this coming out of a 19 hunks mouth. This was going to be interesting… “Listen, we have your whole life to argue the ethics of this, but we really need to address the issue at hand. You are at risk if we don’t do something. Face it, this kid is an addict, do you want to live the rest of your long life doing AA and NA meetings, that’s where this kid was headed, he just didn’t’ hit bottom yet –well he might have now… Anyway, I really feel we need to do this now, You don’t know me but your going to have to trust me on this. Please.” Jim sat there and looked deep into Mike’s eyes. Mike had to understand the risks he faced.

Mike sat there. What difference did it make if part of the kid he didn’t even know was removed? Why was he fighting it? Was it the part of him that was Josh? Did he trust this guy sitting across from him? Hell, he just met him a few hours ago. He mulled it over, what was that? He really wanted something, but what? Damn, it was a cigarette! He looked at his chest, how could anyone who worked this hard to build a body like this ever think of smoking? It wasn’t an overwhelming urge, so he wasn’t a hard-core smoker, but the itch was there. “Dude, I really need a smoke.” Mike said. More and more he was talking like Josh. “If we do this can you get rid of that too?”

“I think so, but you’ll still have the carvings for awhile. Does that mean you’ll agree?”

Mike took a long breath,” I guess.”

Jim blinked, thank god, he thought, somehow he was beginning to really care about this guy. He knew he’d be driven by his addictions for the rest of his life if he didn’t agree to this now, before they took root. Still, there was no guarantee it would work, but he had had to try…

They picked up their trays, and dropped them at the pickup window and Jim led Mike toward the transfer facility. Jim greeted some of his friends as they entered, “This is the team that oversaw your transfer” Jim said as he directed Mike to a chair that looked like it was appropriated from a dentist’s office. Mike rested his heavy frame into the chair and tried to get comfortable. Jim and a couple of his associates came over.

“This is Rick and Karen,” he said.

Mike took a quick look at Karen then at Jim, Jim gave his head a slight nod, otherwise nothing was said. Now Mike knew what Jim was talking about. She was hot, Mike felt his ‘friend’ stirring, and quickly looked away.

“We’re going to wire you up now’” Jim said. Rick and Karen attached leads to various parts of his head. Jim brought over some heavy, dark, funky looking glasses.

“Here, put these on.”

Mike slid the glasses over his eyes, he couldn’t see through them.

“OK, we’re ready to start. Mike, watch the image in front of you.”

Mike heard a click and some swirling colors appeared on the built-in screens of the glasses.

“The colors are keyed to your mind, and soon you’ll find yourself drifting off, just go with it.” Jim said.

The colors looked so great soon Mike couldn’t help himself and he was out. Jim, Karen, and Rick worked hard exploring “Josh” and modifying aspects of his personality. It was a long, time-consuming process, but at the end Jim felt confident he had been successful. He also felt he knew Josh better. Mike would have an interesting life ahead of him, if Jim wasn’t mistaken. Mike noticed a change in the swirling colors and slowly woke up.

“Is it over?”

“Yeah.” Jim said as he wiped his brow.

“Damn, I still want that butt.” Mike said,

“You will, it’s your body craving the nicotine, it’ll pass. Rick, toss me one of your patches.” Rick threw a patch at Jim,

“Hope they work better for him.” Rick had been trying to quit for almost a year now, but the long hours doing research always did him in. The University was smoke free, but luckily for Rick their wing was on the reservation, so again their laws took precedence. Jim handed the patch to Mike; he opened it, lifted his shirt, and attached it to his side.

“How long does it take to kick in?”

“Not long, 10, 15 minutes tops.” Rick replied.

Jim motioned Mike to get up and head back to his room,

“Hey, man – Good luck!” Rick said as they left.

“So that’s Karen” Mike said after they were out of earshot.

“Yeah, like I said, it was interesting.”

“Did you do it?” Mike asked with a little smile.

“Wouldn’t you?” Jim replied. He let the conversation drop, he really wasn’t comfortable discussing his sexual experiences, especially as a woman, with anyone. They got back to Mike’s room, quickly, the complex wasn’t’ too large.

“Listen,“ Jim said, “ You are in for a rough night. I’m going to stay in the room next to you in case you need me.”

“What do you mean, ‘rough’ night?” Mike asked.

‘Well, like I said, you’re in the eye of the hurricane, you are going to start to get to know Josh, I guess is the best way to put it. The first thing is going to be your dreams, if it gets too bad, let me know and I’ll get you a sedative.”

Mike was tired; the experience in the chair did him in. “OK, I guess, I am a beat.” He put his hand out, “ I’m sorry if I tore you a new one earlier, it’s not you, it’s this whole fuckin’ situation. Maybe it’ll be better in the morning.”

Jim took his hand and shook it, but he knew tomorrow would be worse not better. “Get some sleep man, you’ve been through it today.” he said as he walked out the door.

Mike closed it, went to the bathroom pulled out his dick and let a thick stream flow. He shook his dick before he let the foreskin roll back down, washed his hands and gave himself the once over. “What the hell is going to happen to me?” he thought as he turned out the light. It was dark already, he really lost track of time, glancing at the clock he saw it was after 11 PM. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it on a chair. He walked over to the mirror and twitched his pecks, it seemed natural, but Mike had never done it before. “Must be part of Josh’s nightly routine,” Mike thought. He pulled his pants off, dropped his boxers, and rubbed his balls, -it felt good. He flopped into bed, pulled the covers up, and flicked out the light. He put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling, “What a long fuckin’ day it’s been” he thought. Before long he drifted off to sleep.

Oh God, it felt so good, Mike just kept pumping, in and out in and out. He buried his head in those beautiful breasts, he wanted this to go on for hours, with every thrust his pleasure increased. There was a tangle of legs, arms, fingers. As he thrust from the front he could feel Tuck thrust from behind. It was such a turn on to feel another cock finding pleasure separated only by a thin layer of membranes. Tuck was ready to cum, he could feel him pressing on Kat’s back, Mike increased his thrusts as Kat moaned louder, no holding back now, he went deeper and deeper, OOOHHHH, GGOOODDD! YES! He felt Kat’s spasms as she came, one more thrust and….AAAAHHHHHHH!!! He collapsed on top of Kat, he could feel Tuck trying to roll out from under her. He looked at Kat, her body glistened with sweat, god she was beautiful! He looked over at Tuck, his dark hair was all messed up, he chuckled, he knew how Tuck hates having is hair messed up, He’d tease him like hell about it tomorrow. Kat slid over and kissed him, long deep and wet. “Thank you, that was incredible!” She turned and did the same to Tuck, he was lost in the afterglow. They lay there in a tangle for a while longer then Mike felt he really had to pee. As he untangled himself Tuck was feeling the same need. Kat rolled over and drifted back to sleep. Mike and Tuck headed to the john. Mike rolled back his foreskin and let the stream pour out, Tuck just let the stream flow. They both arched their backs as the warm flow of piss gave them relief. “Shit, bro’ that was fuckin’ incredible.” Tuck said as he slapped Mike on the back. “Didn’t I tell you so.” Mike replied. He headed over to the sink and splashed his face with water as Tuck made his way back to the bed. When Mike got there Tuck was curled up on one side of Kat, he took a position on the other side, he was glad Tuck was an ass man, he had those breasts all to himself…

Mike woke cold and wet. He rolled over, “What the fuck ---!” He pulled the covers back and saw the cum covering the ripped abs. For a moment he didn’t recognize the cock and abs he saw, then the previous day came rushing back to him. He was in Josh’s body, “Shit”, was that a dream, or did that happen?? He wondered aloud. Jim had heard him stirring and stuck his head in to ask if Mike was all right. Mike quickly covered up, looking a little embarrassed.

“Hey man, it’s cool” Jim said, “ Go get cleaned up, I’m going to take a quick shower and change too, see you in 15…” and he was gone.

Mike flipped back the bedding, he and it was covered in cum. “The hell with it” he thought and headed to the bathroom to pee and to get cleaned up. After a quick 10-minute shower and a shave, the stubble was turning into a beard, he was dressed and hungry as hell. “I wonder what’s taking Jim so long,” he thought as he reached for the phone. Just then Jim knocked on the door.

“Damn, you really do look like a kid today” Jim said referring to Mike clean-shaven face.

“Yeah, I guess I know why he grew that stubble, I could pass for a fuckin’ 15 year old..” Mike said taking a quick look in the mirror. “Shit man, I’m starving.”

“ Me too” Jim said, “Lets grab something before we hit it today.” They were feeling more comfortable with each other, but Mike skirted around what had happened last night. Mike loaded up on protein again, and they found the same isolated table they had yesterday. “So, you want to tell me about it?” Jim asked.

Mike got red, “Do I have to?”

The simple reply was “Yes.”

Mike proceeded to give him the highlights, getting hard in the process.

“Was it a dream? Did it happen? Who’s Tuck?”

“Tuck’s Josh’s best friend. As to whether it happened, I don’t know. But after rooting around in Josh’s subconscious yesterday, and reading up on his background, I’d say it most likely happened. “

Mike just stared at Jim.

“ I warned you. There’s a lot more to come. Josh was out there. Sex, booze, drugs, it’s amazing he kept a 3.6 average and performed well on the field. And, before you ask- yes he did do the work, the kid has, or had brains, and talent. It’s too bad he was so fucked up.”

Somehow that bothered Mike. Taking the body of a dumb jock was bad enough, but this kid had potential. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what? Live?” Would you rather be in that room over there on a respirator? “ Jim said as he glanced to the west side of the room.

“He… I... Josh’s there?”

“Yes”

“Alive?”

“At the moment.”

“Can I…”

“No. At least not yet.”

Mike let it drop.

They loaded up the trays and dropped them off on their way out.

Jim wasn’t looking forward to what was going to happen next, but he couldn’t stop it.

As Mike was strutting down the hall in his new, muscular body he stopped short, “Shit! What day is it?” Mike blurted out with a Southern drawl, “How long have I been here? Fuck, they’re probably wondering where the hell I am at work! My neighbor is wondering when I’m going to get back, I’ll bet she is running out of food for my dog!” Mike turned and grabbed Jim’s arm –“Why am I only realizing this now, did you fuck with my mind too?”

Jim pulled Mike’s hand off his arm and got a strong hold of his shoulder and forcibly directed him to an empty office down the hall from where they were. Jim was glad that Mike didn’t realize he could easily take him with this new strength. He kicked a chair over to Mike and sternly said “Sit!’

“What the hell do you think you were doing out there? That was a common area, there are people who don’t know a thing about this Department and what we do. It’s partly my fault, I should have warned you after your outburst yesterday in the cafeteria, but I had bigger issues on my mind. You have got to keep this among us. Feel free to talk all you want when you’re in our section of the facility but SHUT THE HELL UP in the common areas! Understand?”

Jim looked at Mike, Mike looked at Jim Finally Mike said “Sorry, I’ll try and be more careful, but what the fuck is wrong with my mind? I didn’t give a thought to any of this shit yesterday. Why?”

Jim looked at him, looked at his watch, then back up. He pulled a chair over to where Mike was sitting. “I don’t have all the answers, I can postulate why, but I can’t claim to know. I guess the best way to put it is that your personality is starting to ‘coalesce’. Yesterday you were the bare essentials of Mike, hung on Josh. You were lucky to function at all. We were really surprised that everything went as well as it did. You have to remember outside of our group of six, you are the only other conscious person to experience this. You know, in a lot of ways we’re finding our way just as you are, I’ll never claim to have all the answers, feel free to punch me out if I ever claim to.” Jim said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “So, what do you want to do? Do you want to go somewhere and talk, you look apprehensive.” Jim said as he got up.

“Dude, I’ve got so many fuckin’ questions my head hurts! I don’t know what I want, sumpthin’ is buggin’ me -don’t know what it is.” Mike said with a perplexed look on his face, finally getting up too. He stretched and wriggled his upper body like he had a kink, “I want sumthin’, need sumthin’ but I don’t’ fuckin’ know what.” As he walked over to the window he reached in and scratched his balls, “Look, what about my life, it’s like I fuckin’ disappeared! My job, my house, hell what about my son? Shit, I‘m what two- three- years younger than him now? What about my ex? How do I explain this to her? Shit!”

“Ok, if it helps, you’ve been here a little over two days, they brought you in late Tuesday night. You were out of it Wednesday, yesterday you woke up, today is Friday. We think we covered for you at work, someone called and told them you got food poisoning and you were sick in bed. That bought us some time. It’s the weekend, so hopefully with you awake now we can come up with something that’s plausible by Monday. OK?”

“Shit.” Mike looked over at Jim, “How am I ever gonna’ get my life back? I cain’t go back to my job looking like this – I’m a fuckin kid! Nobody would believe me if I tried!” Mike was turning toward Jim as he jerked and quickly flopped into a chair as images raced through his mind. People he didn’t know - but then did, places that he’d never been that seemed familiar, things he had done but never done. He was getting high, he was running, he was suited up on the football field, he was fucking his brains out, he was driving a convertible, he was lifting weights, he was talking of an older man who was his father but wasn’t, he was kissing a girl, he was waving to his mom, he was skydiving, he was taking an exam, he was with his brother, he was on a jet, he was skiing, he was in Europe, he was scuba diving, he was in his dorm room, he was drinking with his buddies, he was petting his dog. All these images and more rushed through his mind, they were there then they were gone. Mike stared blankly at his hands. “Fuck….” He said under his breath as he slumped into a chair.

Jim grabbed his head and lifted it up and looked in Mike’s blank eyes –“Man, you OK?” He was impatiently waiting for some sort of response, a blink, a grunt, anything. After what seemed like hours Mike pulled Jim’s hands off his face, “Yeah, I’m still here. Damn, what was that?”

“Wha, what happened?” Jim stuttered still unsure if Mike was OK.

“There were all these fuckin’ images, but not really images. It’s like I was doing stuff, stuff I’ve never done. There were all these people I knew them but I never met them –does that make any sense? Mike asked with a tone of uncertainty.

“You connected with Josh.” Jim said matter-of-factly - relaxing a bit. “They were his memories, odds are just a brief flash, but I was afraid we might have lost you for a minute.” Jim pulled a small note pad out of his pocket and noted the time and what they were doing. “Maybe we’d better get you back to your room.”

“How come I still know so much about myself? Did you transfer all of me on top of Josh? How am I going to sort all the crap out? Back there when --whatever happened -- happened it was so fuckin’ real, I knew those people and places like it was me, but it wasn’t. How the hell am I supposed to deal with being 2 people?”

Jim could see the terror creeping into Mike’s eyes, hell it was scary enough at first when he swapped with Karen, but it was only for a few weeks and he knew he would be back to himself then, this was so much more. ‘It’s going to take some time to sort it, you, out. This is all new to us too.”

“So… so who am I?” Mike asked, “ I mean really.”

Jim stood there and looked at him. ‘I don’t know if there is one answer. If we tested your DNA it would say you are Josh, if I asked you, you would say Mike Watson. My hunch is if one of Josh’s friends came up to you he’d think you were Josh, if your son came up to you I have no idea if he’d know you. These are things we need to find out. As I told you when we first met I really have no idea who you will turn out to be. I have to believe it scares the shit out of you, it would me, but you got to know we’ll do what we can to help.”

Mike got up, that brief experience had him wiped, instead of his now usual strut he shuffled back to his room. Sitting on the bed he was afraid to sleep, what if he had another dream like last night – that was the last thing he needed now. Jim looked at him not sure what to do. “You want something to help you sleep?”

“Fuck, I don’t know what the hell I want. I need somethin’ but shit, I don’t know what it is. It’s like a fuckin’ itch you can’t reach.” Mike looked at Jim, pulled his shirt off and tossed it across the room. Scratching his pits he looked up at Jim, “What the fuck is gonna happen next – am I gonna wake up as Josh? Hell- will I even remember being me –uh Mike? FUCK!”

“Hey man, chill. You are NOT going to wake up as Josh. But I do think you do need some sleep, let me give you a light sedative, it’ll let you drop out for a few hours, there are a few things we need to talk about this afternoon – OK?” Jim looked at Mike with a questioning look on his face. Mike nodded and Jim went to get the meds.

“Shit!”

Jim came running back in “ –What?”

“I was thinking about what a fucked up mess my life has turned into, and I remembered something you said when we first met – you said Josh, I, we, were in an accident and Josh’s friend Tuck was in the car – what happened to him? Is he walking around in someone else’s body too? Is he dead? When I get out of this place am I going to be charged with killing myself and this guy Tuck too?”

“Calm down, first off no one is dead. Josh is still alive in your body and Tuck is in a light coma, but all indications are he’ll be fine. Second, it was the reservation’s Police force that handled it. The Chief assured us that once we rectified the situation that would be the end of it. OK? But, that does lead me to what I wanted to talk with you about later, the University does have a responsibility to notify the families of students of any accident, and Josh’s father is flying in this afternoon. Tuck’s folks are already here. In fact they’ve been asking about you.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck FUCK! “ Mike exploded as he beat the pillow. “Can this Goddamned day get any worse?”

“Listen, we have time-“

“What to Fuck this up even more! Shit! We’ll just fuckin’ have to come clean, tell the tru-“

“Are you some kind of friggin’ idiot?” Jim cut him off, “First, you KNOW this is top secret, second who would believe you? Hell, you didn’t believe it at first and it happened to YOU!” All this was getting to Jim he was loosing his objectivity along with his cool.

“I was hoping we’d have a little more time, that you might be able to access more of Josh’ memories so we could come up with some story that Mr. Hunter would buy.”

“Hunter?”

“Huh?”

Mike replied, ”You said Hunter, you never mentioned my- Josh’s last name before.”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t.” Jim let it drop.

“Shit, what am I supposed to say to him- ‘Hey dad, I don’t know who the fuck you are!’?” Mike just stated at Jim.

“Well, it’s an over used cliché but you could fake amnesia- that would buy us some time- you were pretty shook up in the accident and Tuck isin a coma...” God, Jim though, this was sounding more like a Soap Opera as each moment went by. Jim stood there for a long moment, looked out the window at the rolling green hills that formed a backdrop for the University. Deep in thought, he tried various scenarios, finally it hit him - “Just wing it-“

“Huh?’ was all Mike could say.

“You’re a father, you made the comment your son has screwed up, more than once I bet, right?” Mike nodded. Jim went on “did he ever really fuck up?” “Yeah, there was the time-” Jim cut him off “ I don’t need the details, how did you react? If you are like my father I bet you did all the talking didn’t you? After all you totaled another car, injured your best friend, and this isn’t the first time. No doubt he’ll go through the roof, all you have to do is react and mumble accordingly. I’ll sedate you lightly, so you look a little out of it, Damn this might just work!” Jim was pleased with himself. Looking at his watch, “the plane gets in at 2:30, half an hour to grab a cab and get here, it’s 11 now, that gives us about 4 hours… Did you ever figure out what was bothering you?”

“Not really, I kinda’ feel like I need to do somethin’ I ain’t sure what.” Mike said as he kneaded his hands. “Maybe it’s all this energy I got, hell a few days ago I was 45, now I’m 19-“ it hit him “ Fuck, I need a good workout-“ his body was telling him things it’s mind used to know. Looking down at himself, the large muscles waiting to be put to work, Mike had an urge to go for a nice long, hard, run, he needed to burn off some energy. “Listen, I, we’ve, got time -can I go out and run a few miles? It shouldn’t take too fuckin’ long-“

“No. Damn man, you’re supposed to be recovering from an auto crash, supposed to be a little out of it, it isn’t going to do much to convince Mr. Hunter to leave after he reaming you out if someone sees you doing wind sprints is it?” Jim just stared at him.

Looking sheepish, Mike hung his head “No…”

“Here, take these. They’ll knock you out for a few hours and leave you a just groggy enough to deal with your ”Father”. OK?” Jim set the pills on the table. “I’ve got a few things that are demanding my attention to deal with right now, will you be alright if I leave? Karen’s in her office around the corner if you need something, but I doubt you’ll be awake long enough to need anything after you pop those. All right?”

Mike nodded. Jim closed the door on his way out. Mike decided to take a piss plus he needed some water for the pills. As he walked into the bathroom he glanced at himself in the large mirror over the sink. “Who the fuck are you dude” he said to himself. Washing up after peeing he stated deeply into his blue eyes, wondering what they had seen, what the kid behind them though of the world, of himself. Walking out of the bathroom he looked around the room and out the window. He could see some girls lounging in the grass a few hundred feet away, and before he knew it he was hard. He looked at the time 11:20, he wondered how long it would take to get this guy off, “shit, why not?” he thought. He looked around for something to use as lube, didn’t find anything, and decided to play with his foreskin, he never really did get to examine it before… Before he knew it he was deep into a fantasy about another red head, this one was a little on the thin side but damn she could move. Too soon it was over, his chest was covered in cum, almost as much as yesterday in the shower, and this morning. He chuckled to himself, “damn, high output balls, cool!” He cleaned himself up and decided to pop the pills, soon he was in a deep dreamless sleep.

Jim flopped into his well-worn desk chair, “Problems, chief?” he turned, Karen was standing in the doorway. There was a time when he thought it was cute to be called “Chief”, after all they were on Indian land and he was their team leader, but not today. “God, I don’t know what we’ve gotten into, and hell if I know how we’re going to get out of it. We’re all academic’s, not “Covert OP’s or even fucking Soap writers.”

“Huh?”

“Josh’s father is on the way in, and I have no idea how we’re supposed to cover this up, I even suggested Mike feign amnesia, but he wouldn’t buy it. I really don’t think I’m ready to go public, even with Josh’s father, there is just too much we don’t know yet.” Karen pulled over another well-worn chair that was pretty much molded to her form; all the hours they had spent over the years in the small office space took their toll on the furniture.

“How’s the subject doing?”

Jim glared are her, “The ‘Subject’ has a name, it’s Mike.” He said curtly. He looked at her and realized he was loosing his scientific objectivity and he needed to take a step away from Mike, whom he felt was becoming a friend. “He had a memory flash a while ago, I was afraid we lost him. It was a little like what we went through, but a hell of a lot more intense.” Karen nodded thinking back to when she flashed on being a man. She had a little smile as she ‘recalled’ Jim’s first fumbling attempt at pleasing a women when he was 15. Having shared memories was something they had learned not to bring up, for some reason it was painful for Jim. It was interesting for her, she was the only woman on earth who had experienced sex from both perspectives, she thought it made her a better lover, though with the long hours they all put in she had little chance to put her theory to the test.

“I take it he came through it ok? What was his pulse rate?”

Jim looked at her “I was more interested in his mental state, I didn’t check it.” Karen was always a better clinician than he would ever be. “It was weird, for a little while the cocky kid was gone, Mike kind of shuffled back to his room, he almost had an air of defeat about him. It didn’t last long, I stepped out to get him a sedative and he almost exploded. He’s still having a lot of feelings of guilt over surviving and when you couple that to all the changes he’s going through we are going to have to be very careful in how we handle him and the whole situation, this whole thing could blow up in our fuckin’ faces. I don’t think we were ready for this, it was just too soon.”

Karen agreed, at least internally, she knew better than voice it at this point. “So, what’s next – how do you plan to proceed?”

“We, I just need to get him through the next few hours, then we can take a breath and try to deal with next week and creating a cover story for Mike’s family and employers.”

“So, have you checked in on Josh? Some of the swelling has gone down and he is looking more human, but he’s still out of it, he may never regain consciousness. I hate to say it but that may be a blessing for him and us.” Jim knew she was right, but the scientist in him would love to see how Josh functioned and adapted in his new form. “What if we just tell his family and co-workers he was in a serious accident? It’s the truth… “

Jim thought about it for a moment “Yeah, but we already told them he had food poisoning how do we switch stories now?”

Karen looked out the window, it was on trait they both shared when they were deep in thought, “Well… How about after he left the hospital he had a relapse while driving, and was nearly killed in the resulting crash?” Jim chuckled, before this was over they could both be fiction writers.

“That might work, Josh is definitely too messed up to be moved, if he survives we could somehow insist on doing long term care at this facility, though I don’t know how we’d pull that off. But shit, it’s the best option we have at this point. That just leaves one side of the equation to work with which is a hell of a lot easier.” Making that decision lighted Jim’s mood, he glanced over at the clock and noted the time. “Damn, just a little over an hour to show time… I gotta’ grab something to eat.”

“…up.. can you hear me… Wake up! Mike, come on man you gotta wake up!” Jim was shaking Mikes beefy shoulder.

“Mmff? Huh? Shit! What time is it?” Mike sat up with a jerk. He rubbed his eyes looked over a Jim, “How fuckin’ long was I sleepin’ he drawled. His southern accent seemed even deeper now.

“A couple of hours, it’s a little after 2. We got about 45 minutes before Josh’ father gets here, do you think your up for this?”

“Shit, no.”

“Well you- we don’t have a choice. We just need to get thorough the next few hours and then we can regroup and formulate a longer-term plan. Karen and I have some ideas we’d like to discuss with you later, but now we need to get you ready for Mr. Hunter. Let’s go.”

“Go where?”

”I’ve got a room set up in the medical wing of the hospital. I got lucky and got you a room on the floor above the one Tuck is on, I sure as hell didn’t want you running into his folks while we’re there. We’re going to have to put that off as long as possible. Luckily Tuck has a record too so his folk might go a little easier on you when you do meet up. But in the mean time Mr. Hunter is on his way in.”

“Damn, what the hell is his first name, I should at least know that.”

“Ok, thumbnail sketch of what we’ve been able to put together. Josh’s father’s name is Jacob, his – your - older brother is Jacob III, but he goes by J.J., his mother’s name is Marie, they are an old southern family from Georgia. OK man, get your ass in gear, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Mike had his swagger back as they walked to the main section of the University Hospital. It was hard to keep focused, there were so many great looking women, Mike’s body seemed to have a mind of it’s own, Jim had to keep him on track for his first outing. Before long they were on the 8th floor in a private room overlooking the main portion of the campus. Jim tossed Mike a standard hospital gown and Mike changed into is and was getting into bed when they heard the commotion out in the hall.

“Listen little lady, I want to see my son NOW! Where is he?!” Shortly the young nurse showed the older man in to Mike/Josh’s room, “Right here Sir..” “Thank you, you’re excused I want to see my boy in private!”

“OK BOY, WHAT THE HELL IN ALL THAT IS GOOD IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW MANY MORE TIMES ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP!” At point Jim cleared his throat, “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!” the older man said.

“Jim Thompson sir, I’m in charge of your son’s care” Jim said as he stepped forward offering the older man his hand. The senior Mr. Hunter ignored it. “Leave! I need to have a talk with my boy here.” “Sir I can’t do that, he’s been through quite a bit and his condition is improving but it’s far from stable.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HIS CONDITION, NOW GIT!”

Jim stifled a gulp, he didn’t want to show any weakness to the older man, “OK sir, just for a few minutes, but I have to ask you to keep your voice down, your son isn’t the only patient here.” With that Jim turned on his heel and left closing the door behind him.

Mike’s eyes were wide throughout this whole scene. He didn’t know what to make of it. There was something familiar about his “father” but he couldn’t place it. His mind was racing, but Jim was right, Mike would do little talking during this visit. He tried to take a deep breath while his “dad” focused on the young doctor, but the older man could sense the terror in his eyes when he turned to talk to him.

“My God Boy! You’re a Hunter! You Damn Well Know Better! Is Your Only Focus In Life to Embarrass This Family! Your Brother Fucked Up Enough When He Was Your Age, But He Doesn’t Hold A Candle To You Boy!” The Senior Mr. Hunter had lowered his voice, but there was no mistake who was in charge.

Mike was searching his confused mind there was something so familiar about the older man. Was it a memory from Josh?, he didn’t think so, the older man was just so familiar. As the older man railed on, getting red in the face, Mike’s mind was working. “Shit” he thought to himself the synapses finally connecting; the older man was Senator Hunter! Damn, Mike thought Josh came from old money, really old money. The Senator had been a fixture in the senate for over a decade, as had his father before him. Think man, what do you recall? They did a piece on the Hunters on 60 Minutes a while back, a story about political dynasties, what were some of the details?

“BOY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!”

That stirred Mike out of his reverie. “Yes sir.” Mike gulped.

“Good! If your grandfather hadn’t set up those trust funds I’d cut you all off, your brother, your uncle and you, but the old man tied my hands. I’ll be Goddamned if you will fuck up my political career. We’ll do what we can to down play this in the media, but after this you’re on your own! DO YOU UNDERSTAND BOY!!!”

Mike started to reply but the Senator cut him off ”Shut the Fuck Up, there is NOTHING you can say to me to explain you doing this again, we went through hell last time and you fuckin’ promised your Grandfather this would never happen again. He’s barely in the grave 6 months and here we are agin’! I don’t want to hear a fuckin’ word from you! From now on, you will show up for photo op’s and what ever function I deem you to be needed at, but that will the extent of your involvement with this family! UNDERSTAND?!?”

“Sir –“

“Don’t’ fuckin’ Sir me, a simple yes or no will do!”

Mike said a quiet “Yes” under his breath. The older man glared at him, and turned an left, making Mike feel as if he took all the air in the room with him.

“Shit” Mike said to no one.

The senator saw Jim in the corridor. Grabbing the lapel of Jim’s lab coat, Senator Hunter glanced around for an empty room, found one and pulled Jim in. “I want you to keep a lid on this! Understand? Do what you need to fix the boy up; I doubt there is much you can do to fix his attitude. Is there anything I should know?”

“N-no Sir. He should make a complete recovery in a few days. I really think this experience changed him.”

“How the hell would you know what can change my son? Fuck, some of the best doctors in the world tried to straighten him out and failed, how the hell do you think you can make a difference? Now, what about the man he hit? Is he dead? ”

“No sir..”

“At least that’s one fuckin piece of good news. Is he talking about pressing charges?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why the hell not!”

“He, he’s in a coma- his family isn’t here yet.”

“Listen, you seem like a reasonable man, if you can prevent the man from pressing charges there is something in it for you. Understand?”

“Senator, are you trying to bribe me to cover up a crime?” Jim’s mind kicked into gear.

“Hell no. I’m just saying it would be in the best interest of all involved, the man, the University and your career if this thing went away, and I have the connections on the University board to make your life hell if it doesn’t” With that he turned and walked out.

Jim smiled to himself, “This could work out better than I ever thought.” He mused to himself. Hell, he might even end up with a bigger departmental budget after this all blew over. “Shit- Mike!’ he said as he trotted down the hall to the hospital room.

As he rounded the corner in to the room “ Dude, where the fuck you been?!?!”

“The Senator button holed me, what do you think happened? I’ve got my marching orders where you are concerned.”

“Shit, you too?”

They shared a knowing look between each other briefly. “Let’s get the hell out of here before someone sees you. I sure as hell don’t want to deal with Tuck’s folks now, the Senator was more than enough for one day, hell he was more than enough for one lifetime!”

Mike changed out of his hospital gown, and they went out through the back corridors. When they were safely out of the medical wing they both seemed a little more relaxed, “So dude, you said you had some ideas on how to handle my situation?” Mike inquired.

Jim looked around, the halls were empty, “Yeah. Karen and I brainstormed. We called your office Wednesday and told them you had food poisoning and that you should be able to travel by the week’s end. What we came up with is that you insisted on leaving, something about getting back to your job, or what ever you think would work, and you were still too ill to drive and you drove your car into a tree or embankment or something. That would explain your, or should I say Josh’s current condition, and if “Mike” dies then that issue is settled – not that I want that to happen.”

Mike looked at him, “Shit, what a fuckin’ way to go out. Weeks away from getting off the road and “I” buy it due to food poisoning. I dunno…”

“Listen that would get your ”Father” off our backs too. Hell, he all but guaranteed me a payoff if I made this go away. If we go this route, then the only wild card is Tuck and his family. We’ve got no idea how that will play out. Maybe we’ll have more to work with when Tuck regains consciousness; I’ll go in then and see how much he remembers.”

Mike stopped short “Who all know about what happened?” he drawled.

“You, me, my staff, the deputy that found you and the Tribal Chief – why?”

“Dude, was Josh driving?”

“Yeah.”

“But what if he wasn’t?”

“Shit, what are you getting at?”

Mike’s eyes lit up “What if Tuck was driving?”

Jim took a hard look at him “I don’t know if I like what you’re getting at, Josh was driving”

“Yeah but if we are goin’ to fuck with what happened to me, Mike I mean, what if we fuck with what happened to Tuck? Would the Tribal dudes go along with it?

Jim looked a little incredulous “The chief is a great guy but I’m not sure he would go along with this.”

“Even to keep the project secret?”

“Well, perhaps… if he was approached in the right way he might go along..”

“You’re a fuckin’ doctor --how much is Tuck gonna’ remember? I recall reading some shit about people in trauma never remembering what happened just before the shit came down. If he is told he was driving who the hell is gonna’ tell him different? You said he has a record too, if we’re both OK, and no one else was involved there’s no harm no foul.”

Jim looked at Mike, “I’m glad I never had to deal with you before this happened if that’s how your mind works.”

“Hey dude I ain’t no angel, I did my share of fuckin’ up when I was young, and I learned how to deal with people. 20 fuckin’ years of doing sales on the road you learn how to work the angles, I ain’t proud of it, but that’ just how it is.”

They walked the rest of the way to Mike’s room in the wing of the facility that housed Jim’s research department with out saying a word. Jim deep in thought, Mike tired and excited about clearing up some of this potential mess he found himself in. If this all came together he’d be a free man, at least he’d be able to sort out who he was. After the past day or so that was a lot more than he thought he could expect.

“Dude, can you score me a couple more of those pills? They fuckin did the job and after the day we’ve just had I could use some z’s.” ‘Shit’ Mike thought to himself, after things settled down a bit he was gonna have to work on this kid’s vocabulary.

Jim hesitated, he didn’t want to overmedicate Josh’s body after all the trauma it had been through, but hell he needed some down time too and if he had to keep an eye on Mike again tonight that wasn’t going to happen. ‘Yeah I guess so, but this isn’t going to become a pattern --we worked our asses off to get rid of Josh’s addictive personality yesterday, there is no way I’m going to let you get used to using these things. Understand?!?”

“Doc, I’m cool – it’s just for tonight. Cool?”

Jim reluctantly nodded and when over to the locked med room and punched in his code. Mike stood there waiting, pretty much wiped out from the day’s activities and it was only early evening. “OK, this is the last time. Tomorrow you deal with what ever comes when you sleep, cool?”

“Yeah, cool.”

Jim pressed the green pills into Mike’s big hand. “With the dose you had earlier, that should easily put you out for the rest of the night and well into the morning. If you’re not up by 10, I’ll come in and wake you – OK?” Mike nodded, “OK man get some rest…” Mike went into his room and Jim went and collapsed into the chair in his office, it wouldn’t be the first night he slept there. “Hey chief, how’d it go?”

“Huh? Sorry I didn’t see you come in.”

“So how’d it go down, did it play out as you wanted? Karen asked.

“Yeah, pretty much, but I had no idea how much of a devious mind Mike had.”

‘What do you mean?”

“Not tonight, I just want to do a quick bit of dictation and go hit the cot in the on-call room. We can talk in the morning, but I think this all may just work out. Wake me at 9 if I’m not up, OK?”

Karen nodded “ No problem. ‘Night.”

“Night”

Jim turned back toward his desk and pulled out his recorder. He spent the next 30 minutes dictating the events of the day and his observations. Satisfied he didn’t leave anything out he was ready for a decent night’s sleep, he didn’t even mind missing dinner.

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