#I think I have BPD but I don’t know how to tell them without them saying you’re fine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rreids · 9 days

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hey, i was wondering if you'd be able to write smth with Spencer in a relationship with someone with bpd? it's totally okay if you're not comfy with that, but I've just been suspecting i may have it, and ppl with bpd are always portrayed so negatively in relationships. it would be just rly nice to read ur take on how Spencer would handle that and just see some positive representation! (my mental health has also been shit so it would be p comforting lol) thank u 🫶

hi love 🫶 i don't know a ton about bpd, so i hope i did this justice! i researched the diagnosis and how healthy relationships help with regulation and in what ways they do (both accounts from experts and from those who are diagnosed). and i hope you feel better soon <3 it sucks when your mind fights against you.

PROMISES • S. REID X READER

reader has bpd (written by an author without, ideally will be comforting rather than hurtful. please let me know if it is offensive in any way); gn!reader; spencer has to break a small promise but makes others; talks of therapy; teasing; fluff; ~500 words

“Hey, sweetheart,” Spencer whispers into the phone, voice a little strained. “I’m really, really sorry, but I can’t make lunch today. We’re on the way to a case in Omaha. It’s a really bad one.”

Your heart sinks. “Oh.”

“You know I want to be there more than anything, right?” He’s shuffling papers in the background, and you know they’re in the middle of getting ready on the jet and that he’s still making time for you, but it still makes your mind race with worry and upset. “I’ve been looking forward to it all week. And I promise I’ll take you out as soon as we’re back.”

You frown, fiddling with the promise ring on your finger. “Will you still talk to me?”

Spencer chuckles. “I think I go insane when I go too long without hearing your voice. As long as you don’t mind calls when it’s two a.m. there, I’m calling before bed every night I have enough time.”

You sigh.

“I know, honey. When’s your next meeting with your therapist?”

“Tomorrow,” you mumble, gnawing on your lip.

“Well, you have permission to talk about how much I suck,” Spencer teases lightly. “As long as you know it’s not by choice that I’m being a bad boyfriend.”

“You’re not a bad boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” You can hear the smile in his voice.

“You’re the best boyfriend. You understand me.” He does. He’s looked into BPD extensively — he knows even more than you do, rattling off statistics, assumed causes and connections, coping methods, everything. He knows how to break you out of the spirals and to calm your impulsivities.

“You have other boyfriends?” Spencer sighs dramatically, and you laugh.

“Why would I have them? You’re more than enough.”

Spencer hums. “I am, aren’t I?”

You groan.

“I’m messing with you,” his voice is fond and soft. “I gotta hang up, everyone’s coming and we need all our focus on this case. Message me if you need anything. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

“You don’t do anything,” you know you’re exaggerating, but it’s hard to stop the words.

“I do, just nothing out of our normal,” he’s nudging you gently, reminding you to think things through before acting impulsively. “I give you permission to watch our show without me if it’ll keep you entertained.”

You laugh. “Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll be good,” you draw it out.

Spencer snorts. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Spence.”

A beat.

“I’m not actually going to talk shit about you to my therapist, just so you know. I do talk about you though.”

And then you hang up.

He sends you a ‘???’ and a ‘I wanted to say something still.’ right after. When you tell him to say it, he sends a ‘Do what you need to feel regulated. I don’t take it to heart, you know I don’t.’

And he doesn’t. He’s so sweet, so achingly perfect, understanding of when your moods swing, or when you feel empty, or whenever anything changes and you can’t tell why.

And he always helps you down, kissing scars and tears and whispering praise as he gets you to feel right again.

#my works #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid scenario #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid imagine #requested

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borderlinereminders · 6 months

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I post a lot about self-soothing and working on needing reassurance. And while it’s important to do, it doesn’t mean that’s how it always has to be.

I try self soothing first. Sometimes with my best friend, I know my feelings at her aren’t her fault. It’s something small that’s triggered insecurity even though I know it’s not rational. And I try to deal with the feelings myself first. But sometimes I can’t. And it’s okay.

In these cases, I usually go to her. I’ll tell her “I know it’s not rational and it’s not your fault. But I’m having feelings about x, y and z”. If possible, I’ll tell her what I’m looking for (like reassurance).

She’s always very happy to offer me that reassurance. She knows that I’ve come so far and worked hard and if she can reassure me, she’s often happy to in order to make it easier for me.

I’m going to share my most recent example under the read more for a real life example of how I applied this.

But my overall point is that it is absolutely okay to ask for reassurance and sometimes you need to. It’s just important to do it in a healthy way.

A few weeks ago, she was overwhelmed and busy. I offered to watch her dog for her while she was working. I didn’t get a response back because she was thinking about it.

And then I found out someone else was watching her dog.

I felt a lot of confusing emotions. I felt angry. I also felt insecure, like she didn’t trust me. I was frustrated at her and the person now watching her dog. I felt jealous.

I used skills to try and cope with these feelings. I didn’t lash out at her. I tried using logic to suggest alternatives to myself. Perhaps it wasn’t personal that she picked someone else. Maybe it was for logistical reasons. It was probably just easier for her.

I tried to sleep on it, but the feelings were growing. No matter what coping skills I used. Sometimes, the coping skills don’t work to self soothe or talk myself through it.

I was feeling annoyed for small things and I knew that it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t done something wrong. But I decided to talk to her about it. I didn’t want the feelings growing and causing issues and they weren’t going to sort themselves out.

Here are copy and pastes from our actual conversation :

Me: My explanation for feeling hurt is that **** told me she was taking Storm and I felt hurt because I offered twice and you didn’t respond at all to it. It made me feel like I did something wrong to break your trust. I am really emotionally sensitive right now and I know I’m having an *extremely* heightened emotional reaction to it but I can’t seem to let go of the bad feelings. And I know it’s not your fault. But also it just feels bad and I feel like I need to tell you about these feelings because I can’t let them go on my own. I could really use some reassurance.

Her: That’s so valid.

If context helps you feel less BPD, I was actually trying to figure whether to leave Storm at home or bring her to you but I needed to know my new start time at work with the new schedule before I’d know if I could make the timing work to drop her off with you after the ferry.

Then *** was sad about the breakup with *** and I offered to lend her Storm as an emotional support animal. I know she really struggles with being alone when she is sad. And I decided I could do without my dog temporarily. I can see how it would’ve seemed like I preferred having **** watch Storm.

But your BPD is very valid, I probably would’ve felt the same way under the circumstances. I hope you have a great day and I hope you know I love you. Also that I think you’re great with dogs and would have 100% wanted you to watch Storm this week.

( The name of the person watching her dog are blacked out for privacy reasons.) While she didn’t need to share the context, she chose to do that so she could better offer reassurance. I also want to point out that she validated my feelings. My emotional reaction was heightened but she still validated me. She also then offered reassurance for my specific concern (that I wasn’t trusted). She was patient and understanding. I was valid to need reassurance but her reaction to it was super valid and why it felt so safe to seek reassurance from her.

#personal #Gorlfriend the biked #I don’t know why I’m rambling today #but here we are

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seireitonin · 1 month

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“Toby/ other characters would be an abuser!1!” A talk on why that pisses me off

Hi. My name is Seirei. I don’t want to share super personal shit on the internet, but due to certain factors in my life I have BPD. (this is NOT self diagnosis. I have been to a professional and for now they think I have this due to certain trauma/ symptoms I’ve shown) This is part of the cluster B personality type. That being said Toby and many other creepypasta characters either canonically have ASPD/ BPD or it’s a generally accepted headcanon that they do. Now this in itself doesn’t bother me if it’s done well and with research. But the problem is most ppl just slap these labels onto them without doing the proper research. I’ve gotten multiple comments on my TikTok like “well I think Toby is an abuser bc he has ASPD/ BPD” I hate that. I hate that so much. You guys say it’s for “realism” but you’re just demonizing mental disorders. You’re demonizing people like me. In you having your “realism” youre hurting me and ppl in the cluster B personality type. ASPD/ BPD doesn’t instantly make you an abuser. These are personality disorders brought on trauma. Especially trauma with parents/ family. People with ASPD/ BPD know that we’re not well all the time. We’re suffering from disorders that affect our lives. From trauma/ experiences that we didn’t ask for. These are DISORDERS. These aren’t fake edgy illnesses that you can slap onto a character with no thought when you want them to be angsty. For example when ppl say “Toby would be an abuser/ not be capable of love because of his ASPD and he went through abuse in his past” not only are you taking away the depth of his character, you’re just straight up demonizing mental disorders. If you read his story, he loves his mom and sister so much. People with ASPD can love. But it does cause him to be obnoxious and rude. But this isn’t coming from a place of malice. He’s a traumatized man w a disorder! This isn’t me saying Toby can do no wrong and he’s 100% healthy. Toby definitely has issues and I’d never erase that. But to call him an abuser because he has ASPD is so gross and you’re just demonizing ASPD to be edgy without doing research on it or the cluster B personality type in general. As I said before, people with cluster B personality type KNOW we have disorders. We live with them every day. They affect our lives, our relationships, ourselves. We know that we fuck up and what we do isn’t healthy all the time. We KNOW. We’re not doing it because we’re “abusers” we’re suffering and hurting. Again this isn’t me saying that everyone with BPD/ ASPD is a good person who’s willing to do the work and grow. There are bad people with these disorders. But that doesn’t mean everyone who has them are instantly abusive. I’m not an abuser at all. Never have been and never will be. But BPD does affect me and the way I act that can come off as hurtful/ unhealthy and I KNOW THAT. Im always actively putting in the work to be better, like a lot of people with ASPD/ BPD. Just because we have these disorders doesn’t instantly mean we can’t change/ be better. Doesn’t mean we’re not humans with emotions/ trauma of our own. Toby obviously had to do some kind of inner work to be able to be with Clockwork the way kastoway portrayed them. (If it’s canon or not is irrelevant here)When you say shit like “Toby is abusive bc of ASPD/ BPD” that’s what you’re telling us you think of us. You see us and treat us like monsters but then talk about how much you love Toby/ other characters for having our very real disorder. ASPD/ BPD can be seen as two sides of the same coin. They have so many similarities but are shown in different ways. Do proper research before you talk about mental health because you’re stigmatizing/ demonizing disorders that are already looked down upon. Toby does canonically have ASPD and possibly BPD but it’s written into his character pretty well(as well as a 13 year old in the 2010s can do) and now that ppl are older we can actually analyze his character/story correctly. But Jeff and many other characters still aren’t getting this same treatment and they need it.Do better.

#creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta characters #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #crp #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby hc #ticci toby hcs #jeffthekillerhcs #jeffthekiller #seireitonin

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xzaddyzanakinx · 14 days

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Part two thoughts on an ani x bpd reader? Like, when things get that bad, does either of them wake the fuck up and realize things need to change? Remorse or guilt? The reader leaving? Ani leaving or falling into a self loathing hole, doing bad stuff again and again whether to himself or reader) and not taking care of himself?

It’s interesting to read some of your takes on BPD relationships, because I obviously have no idea what that’s like, but you do. You can make it seem very addicting, but also very terrifying and unhealthy, depending on which way the pendulum swings (I hope you take that as a compliment. Tone is hard through text. Lol. 😅).

I personally do not believe abuse is justified in any situation, whether you have a disorder or not. There’s lots of ways to deal with feelings without taking it out on someone else. On the other hand, I know some BPD’s have described feeling horrified with themselves after an episode like that, and so I’ve never really known just how much ‘control’ someone has in that moment. Either way, I still believe it’s the person’s responsibility to find a way to deal with it. Nobody deserves to be miserable around them just because they can’t handle something.

Anyway, I kind of went off on a rant. Apologies. Lol. My main request was for a part two of Ani x BPD reader! ❤️🫶✨

Not offended at all bby.

I think after I’m done with stalker!ani I’ll write a fic on this. Just cause so many people have asked about it.

100% BPD X BPD would be a terrible pairing. Coming from me as a bpd gal.

Now, personally, I’ve never physically abused anyone during an episode. But I HAVE done lots of property damage and I also broke my hand when I used a concrete wall as a punching bag. I split a wooden bat at the tip from whacking a fence once.

When it gets that bad, I don’t really remember what I said or did. I just feel really jittery, almost like an extreme caffeine high you know? (Imagine old cartoon character drinking coffee and their whole body vibrates, eyeballs and all)

But if it doesn’t get to that point, which it rarely does now that I’m medicated correctly and have a good support system, I IMMEDIATELY feel regret. Like horrible sorrow. Bpd means big feelings and when I feel regret, which isn’t often, it feels like I’m grieving a death that I’m to blame for.

For the smaller, more snappy or short outbursts:

My mouth works faster than the logical part of my brain that tells me not to say something mean.

Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of saying something awful and then I just have to finish it because the damage is done and I may as well spit it out. Then I’ll lock myself in the bathroom for an hour until I’ve hyped myself up enough to apologize, then I’ll go back to the bathroom until the big feelings from my apology die down. I’ll be quiet, basically selectively mute for the rest of the day and be super irritable.

It’s exhausting. But it’s even more exhausting to have to continually remind myself not to spew the first thing that pops into my head or not to chuck the bag of shredded cheese at the wall because I can’t get the ziploc to open.

It’s so stupid that something so small as getting my hairbrush stuck on a knot in my hair could set me off into a teeth gritting, foot stomp and shriek. Like wtf? That’s embarrassing. But it happens before I can even think about what I’m doing.

The best way I can describe it is: I’m a bratty toddler when it comes to emotional regulation.

But you’re so right tho, your illness doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass. It just proves the person doesn’t want to put in the work to get better if they use it as a justifying reason.

BPD might cause my reactions, but I’m in charge of my actual actions. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to recognize that though. I’m an adult now, I’m medicated, I’ve spent my fair share of days in the loony bin. Looking back at my teenage self? It’s horrific and sad. For me and everyone around me back then.

#anakin fanfiction #star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #star wars #anakin x you #sw anakin #darth vader #darth vader smut #actually bpd #bpd vent

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alexandraundone · 4 days

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Typical BPD Weekend

Friday: Drink too much and split on someone you really like because they’re not giving you the attention you want. You feel like you’re losing them, so why not fucking self sabotage and push them away before they can leave you anyways? You were angry, they don’t appreciate you like you do them, so fuck ‘em. They’re nothing to you, just like you are to them. Once a God, now a Dog.

Saturday: Spend all day in a state of high anxiety feeling like you’re a hair away from having a panic attack, waiting to hear from the person you split on even though you know this time you really took it too far. You try to tell people what happened, but how can you put into words why you reacted the way you did…? Clean obsessively. Pace around. Stare at phone. Repeat this process until you can stare at the ceiling for hours, begging for sleep so you can stop thinking about it.

Sunday: Anxiety is replaced by depression when you accept that you really did fuck it up this time and you won’t hear from the person you split on. Try to stay busy and not think about it or them - even lying to yourself it won’t be so bad without them - but it’s all consuming. They left like you knew they would, and you were right… right? You’re always right when it comes to people leaving you. Even so, why is there physical pain radiating in your chest?

The hit of dopamine and euphoria I get from hearing back from someone I thought was going to abandon me is a high I wouldn’t wish on others. It disgusts me. I fucking hate BPD. (I think I hate myself more.)

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rageclownz · 2 months

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So this is just an amalgamation of thoughts I had in the Camp Here and There server, but I believe that Elijah Volkov has Borderline Personality Disorder.

This post is not meant to demonize BPD, I understand how stigmatized it is and have it myself. But I do think Elijah fits the criteria. We obviously don’t get to hear his inner thoughts, but his actions point to someone whose identity revolves around one person. Someone who can’t deal with abandonment, who has impulsive and self-destructive behavior, someone with extreme mood swings, anger, detachment from reality, etc.

Elijah and Sydney’s relationship is clearly unhealthy. Elijah is obsessed with Sydney to a harmful extent, and his treatment of him is awful. But Sydney is his favorite person. Take the lyrics to Your Body, my Temple;

You've got my whole world in your hands, got that little blue spot / And you really ain't got no idea how much this thing orbits you / Now, do you honey?

Sydney is Elijah’s entire world. He can’t live without him. He truly does love Sydney (though this love is toxic and his actions abusive). I mean, Elijah quite literally worships him. That’s undeniable. He puts him on a pedestal, and when Sydney rejects him, he wishes death upon him:

[He begins speaking extremely frantically, hyperventilating, all frenzy, his accent on full display] YOU — THE — YOU — I’LL KILL YOU — WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD!? MY MUSE — WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD!? MY MUSE — MY HEART! MY HEART! MY HEART — IT’S SCREAMING — SCREAMING — SCREAMING — MY HEART —

This is absolutely Elijah splitting on Sydney. Abandonment is one of the number one triggers for BPD episodes, and here we have a perfect example of that.

In his first episode (22), Elijah displays mood swings and anger outbursts. He slams his fists on the table, shouts, and gets upset whenever Sydney mentions Jedidiah, who he perceives as a threat to their relationship (and his plans in general). He has an inability to control his emotions, which is what drives his actions.

Another symptom of BPD that Elijah shows is self-harming behavior. He has little regard for his health or safety. In episode 33, he continues to read from the journals even though they physically pain him and sap his energy, and he does this for Sydney. He also risks his life on the pyre of his muse.

Elijah and Sydney even have parallels, with Elijah wanting to kill or die for the object of his affection, and Sydney wanting to be killed by someone or something that loves him. Sydney canonically has BPD, so I think they contrast each other very well, and even share presentations in some regards.

Elijah seems to show some detachment from reality, though it’s hard to tell with how strange the world of CHNT is. He is convinced that burning Sydney on a pyre will immortalize him. Is this true? Maybe. We just don’t know. But nobody else seems to think it’ll work, so I use it as an example of his eccentric beliefs.

The most debilitating symptom of Elijah’s BPD is his unstable and obsessive relationship with Sydney. There is something about having a favorite person that can make you want them dead. In anger, when you’re splitting on them, but sometimes in love. Sometimes you want to kill them while your relationship is at its best, just to preserve their memory, because then they can’t leave you. Because you want to keep your memories of them positive and you don’t want them to be tainted by a bad ending.

I believe Elijah thinks that way. He doesn’t want Sydney dead (not exactly), but he wants him to ascend. And isn’t that so similar?

#camp here and there #chnt #Elijah Volkov #the elephant man #there was a really good discussion in the server about Elijah’s actions and beliefs #which led me to talk about my Elijah BPD headcanon #I think CHNT has great BPD representation in the form of Sydney Sargent #but also. Elijah?#he’s got stuff going on.

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aspd-culture · 11 months

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Do you have any like actual tips for pro-socials who have antisocial loved ones, like friends or partners? So many sites are like “dealing with a [x]? Here’s ten ways to handle it!” and then it details abusive tactics (which is blatantly stupid, IMO, pwaspd/npd already expect the world to do this to them so idk where they’re getting the idea that pwaspd/npd wouldn’t expect this behavior because their upbringing TRAINED them to expect this behavior but hey, nobody said ableists actually knew what the fuck they were talking about).

I personally struggle with an aspd trait here or there alongside a bigger bpd/npd comorbidity so I get the pathological aspect of this disorder but truly, it is hard to like. believe them when they say they care or whatever because even though I know, mentally, that the bare minimum is pretty much their way of trying to care when they don’t get anything out of it like I do, a small part of me wishes for the mask back where I got the effort and adoration I used to. It sucks but I also don’t think pwaspd should also be left behind in society just because their relational instincts got fucked up before they had a chance.

Idk. I feel like there’s a lot of ableism that people without aspd need to unpack (myself included) but it’s also like, what do you do when someone quite literally admits to manipulating you (in an effort to hold themselves accountable) and frequently lies to make their lives easier? Like I get it Mentally and I can pinpoint why their actions Are them trying to care and show care, especially if they actually do care and well, aspd innit? but the mental understanding is one thing and the craving for the emotional connection with them is another.

I hope this is cohesive and I hope I’m not imposing or being an ableist dick or anything, I just. Don’t think it’s fair to hold the disorder against them and a grand majority of people who think “HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE” about mental illness advocacy is almost always punitive and withholding and expecting an exorbitant amount of groveling or self-flagellation on part of those with “scary” disorders and idk how to approach this with sensitivity and nuance that it deserves and requires.

Ok, so first part of your question asked for tips for prosocials who have antisocial loved ones. Here I go into how to support someone with ASPD (suspected or diagnosed).

Following the tips further down in this post can avoid conflict as well as help you communicate in ways that are effective to pwASPD.

As for dealing with someone telling you they are manipulating you, try and remember that much of the socially acceptable (and even some mandatory behaviors) are manipulation. Manipulation is just trying to affect someone's feelings, thoughts, or actions, or trying to change the end result of a situation. This includes flirting, job interviews, college applications/essays, pay raise negotiations, court proceedings (on the part of everyone in that room except the judge and jury), etc etc etc. If you have ever apologized with the hope or expectation that you will be forgiven, you have manipulated for your own gain. If you've ever bought someone dinner before asking them a favor, you have manipulated someone. One of the most romantic things someone can do - an elaborate proposal where you take them on a lovely date to their favorite places and make them feel special and then list all of your favorite things about the person before asking them to be with you forever is MASSIVE manipulation. It's just not malicious manipulation. Have you ever tried to convince someone to get out of an abusive relationship? That's manipulation for the purpose of sabotaging a relationship because you believe it is what is best for another person, even at the expense of what they think about it and what they want. Does that make it wrong? Of course not. There is such a thing as being manipulative in neutral and/or positive ways - society just doesn't like calling all of that stuff manipulation because the word manipulation has been given a nasty connotation.

As for the lying, though, if they are lying to *you* consistently and not making effort to change despite communication about it (including reassurance that you will allow them to explain themselves fully without interrupting and do your best to remain calm even after that no matter what they tell you - people with ASPD need that if you expect us to give up a coping mechanism as big as lying in a close, vulnerable relationship/friendship that we don't want to lose), that is a problem. It is not acceptable for them to lie to you. You are entirely in your right to make boundaries and separate yourself if they can't be honest with you, especially about big/important things, but honestly about anything. If they're lying to other people in a way that doesn't affect you, though, why is that a problem? They are dealing with their symptoms and making certain they are doing so in a way that doesn't harm you. That is very difficult for someone with ASPD, as it would be for anyone with any personality disorder, and that effort should be respected and appreciated.

Also who *doesn't* do things to make their lives easier? If you were being asked by a creep at a bar for your number, would you give it to them? Would you maybe lie about having a partner or give them a fake number or say you had to go for a pretend emergency to get out? Yes, those lies are for your perceived safety because that situation could be dangerous, but for pwASPD (people with ASPD), every interaction with other people has as much potential for danger as the situation I described. It is understandable to not be used to seeing things that way, but that was our life during vital stages of development and there are things we had to do to adapt to that reality. ASPD literally changes how your brain is wired, so there is only so much that you can expect us to change, and one thing you cannot expect from most of us is to get rid of that belief that we are in danger. Trying to only really makes us see *you* as a danger trying to get our guard down so you can hurt us.

I also don't think "the bare minimum" is a fair way to describe the way pwASPD show love. It not being what you're used to is not the same as it being the bare minimum. It takes an exceptional amount of work on the part of someone with ASPD to try to understand, accommodate, communicate with, and avoid hurting prosocials what with all the extra effort that requires for us. We literally work more than a prosocial does to be "extra" in a relationship just to manage what you call the bare minimum. What is caring about someone if not inconveniencing yourself purely for the sake of understanding them and making them happy? What is love if not effort?

I do understand wishing for the mask to come back, but as someone who has disorders you mentioned in your ask, I'm hoping you understand why asking them to do that would be unfair, unrealistic, and ableist. However, it is none of those things to privately miss that time, and it sounds to me like you're doing the latter which is in no way problematic in my opinion.

There are ways to ask for some of their previous behavior and treatment back without asking them to mask again, if it's things that aren't symptoms of ASPD themselves. For example, if they initiated hangouts/dates more often before, it's completely reasonable to ask them to do that again. If they no longer are expressing interest in your emotions, you can address that concern. Things like that don't have to be asking them to mask - it can just be asking them to do some things within your love language. That's not unreasonable if you're being kind, communicating with them, and making sure your requests are made within reasonable expectations with their symptoms.

You're allowed to have needs and most pwASPD will respect you much more if you can effectively communicate exactly what they are, rather than a generic "I don't feel like you care about me as much anymore" or expecting us to read social cues we aren't wired to understand/look for. I have given (and stick by!) more than one pwASPD the advice to not engage with guessing games and make boundaries expecting their partners to communicate in a way they can understand easily - and thus to not adjust behavior unless they have been told that it is causing harm unless it is *blatantly obvious*. When I say that, I don't mean obvious to prosocials; I mean things like physical or sexual abuse. Even raised voices are pretty normal to plenty of pwASPD, to the point where it isn't obvious that that would scare or hurt someone.

However, if no amount of simple behavioral changes or verbal reassurance can convince you that someone with ASPD cares about you without them basically not having the disorder or letting you cherrypick allowed symptoms, then I feasibly see two choices for you. This isn't me trying to be a jerk, just being objective to what I think makes sense for you and them. The first is that you can put in the work yourself to unlearn the ways that you're used to care being shown to allow you to accommodate your loved ones with ASPD without feeling hurt. If that isn't something that can work for you, that's okay. It's okay to have boundaries and be honest with yourself about what things you are incompatible with. However, at that point, the only thing to do that would be fair in my opinion is to separate yourself from the people with ASPD that are in your life.

I'm not suggesting you never speak to them again (although you are certainly allowed to make that choice for yourself). I'm suggesting you may need to restructure your relationships with those people such that feeling like they don't care (so long as they are doing their best to show they do) won't negatively impact you. In other words, for example, if you can't handle a partner showing they care the way they do because of their ASPD, then it's your job to end that relationship with them and either entirely remove yourself from their life, or just be friends.

If that's the choice you need to make for yourself, then I think it's important that you stress to them that this is not anything they have done wrong or need to work on - that it is an issue with how you are able perceive people caring about you. It's hard to say this in a way that won't sound ableist, because admittedly the issue would be rooted in some societal ableism (not really ableism on your part, just that the way children are taught to perceive love is incompatible with ASPD and even other disorders that can affect empathy and such).

It is very important to note that most of this does not apply if what you are dealing with is abuse - meaning for the purposes of this that they know they are hurting you, they are in control of the behavior that is hurting you, and are choosing to continue it without making any effort to change despite you clearly communicate your pain and what exactly is causing it. To evaluate that, you need to be objective and really ask yourself if you're coming from a reasonable place or not. Are you asking this person to either not have a disorder or allow you to pick and choose what symptoms you find acceptable? Or are you communicating boundaries to protect your wellbeing and making compromises that work for both of you while respecting their past and their symptoms? Those are two very different things, and there are shades of gray inbetween. Asking another prosocial who has not intentionally worked to unlearn their ableism against ASPD and done their research into its symptoms or a pwASPD who has not taken reasonable steps to heal their trauma and not hurt those close to them is not going to be truly objective. If you have a therapist who is aware of and respectful of ASPD, they would be a relatively objective place to evaluate what is abusive vs symptoms they can't be expected to control, assuming you could keep your language neutral (moreso than in your ask, which while not disrespectful or ableist, was definitely not entirely neutral). However, as a person with ASPD I would always prefer my partner speak to me about their concerns over my behavior before they ask anyone else - so if you haven't done that, I would certainly advise you to start there.

Even if any of the things I said are ableist or are rooted in ableism apply to you, it's worth noting I'm not saying or implying you are ableist yourself. Evidently, you came to a blog to get help with this situation from someone who understands the perspective of your loved one as much as possible, and that shows you likely aren't ableist - but as you mentioned one can have ableism to unlearn while not being ableist themselves. Please do not take any of this post as aggressive or attacking. It was all written in a neutral tone, I promise. I am aware how my text tone can come off to prosocials, which is why I specify this. If I was upset with the ask or thought you were just an ableist person or that the ask was disrespectful/not in good faith, I would just delete it.

I hope this helps and if you have or need any clarification, have any other questions, etc. you are more than welcome to submit them to me./gen

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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wjehfshs · 11 months

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COD 141 X S/O with BPD

Authors note: everyone with BPD experiences it differently but I’m writing it mainly for me and how I live with it because I need some comfort rn

GN reader, reader has BPD, reader can be seen as like super clingy but remember I’m describing how I experience BPD, I may or may not have a huge bias for Gaz, brief mentions of su!c!d3/s3lf h@rm in Gazs part if you squint, mental breakdowns/manic episodes mention, mentions of hallucinations and delusions

Ghost

He deals with trauma and mental illness himself so he knows how tiring it is

Always asks your boundaries on things, even if it takes hours for you to list them or explain them in great detail, he’s willing to listen just for you

He’d even have a note in his notes app writing down everything he needs to know

If you have therapy he goes with you to all of the sessions unless you ask him not to

Always keeping you updated on where he is

Never leaves the house without telling you first at at least leaving a note

If you’ve split with him he’ll understand you don’t actually hate him, you’re just trying to protect yourself

He’ll try and ask what’s wrong, if it makes you feel better he’ll text you about it when your ready to tell him

During manic episodes he’ll keep an extra close eye on you

Making sure you don’t do something dangerous or spend large amounts of money

If you’re having delusions he’ll sit with you for however long it takes, explaining to you how it’s not possible or untrue, even if it takes weeks to months he’ll sit with you everyday or call you if he’s on a mission and talk you through it

He’ll do whatever to help you

If you’re hallucinating you’ve developed a system with him where if you see something that you think is a hallucination you’ll ask him if he can see it, or hear it, if it was a touch hallucination he’ll hold you until you feel better

He’s very understanding and don’t worry about being a burden he understands how trauma can affect people and he would die for you

Soap

A little less understanding

He tries hard to be but he doesn’t really know much about mental health

Always been the guy to just cry it out and move on

You’ll probably split on him a bit more because he usually shows his love through teasing and jokes

After you explain to him how it affects you, he’ll immediately stop and show you all the love in the world

Also always tells you when he’s going out, you guys both have that life 360 app on your phones so you can see where each other are

At the start of the relationship whenever you would have a breakdown he wouldn’t know what to do

But eventually he learned how to calm you and keep you safe

Asks you everyday how you’re feeling unless you ask him to not ask you

If you’re scared he’s gonna leave you he’s immediately at your side and will not take his eyes off you until he knows you know he’s never going to leave

Price

Probably least experienced around mental health

He tries to always check up on people but he grew up always being told to just push it down and forget about it

Always such a sweetheart though

Will kiss your tears away if you’re crying or having some kind of breakdown or episode

Also checks up on you daily, even if you’ve had a fight or disagreement the night before he makes sure to check up on you

If anyone where to make some kind of comment about you or your BPD, whatever. He’s immediately stepping in and telling the person to kindly fuck off

He knows how sensitive you are so he is always watching you in social situations

Making sure you feel ok, making sure no one upset you, making sure you feel stable enough to be there

The only time he can kind of falter is when you split with him

He is a stressed man so he can accidentally say something hurtful to you if you’re angry at him/split with him

He will immediately apologise and either hug you tightly or leave you be, depending on the situation or what you want

If he’s doing work at home he’ll let you sit on his lap while he’s working and you can come and go as you please he doesn’t mind one bit

The only time you’re not allowed on his lap is during meetings over video chat but those are rare and once they’re over he’s immediately letting you back in

Very protective of you

Tells you if he’s leaving but if he’s leaving and you’re not awake he’ll leave a kiss on your cheek and leave his hat with you on the bed until you either wake up or he comes back

It’s like a little indicator to wether he’s out or not

Gaz

Even if you didn’t have BPD he’d be such a sweetheart who’d praise you everyday

Splitting with him is a very rare thing as he’s such a softie

Also has all your boundaries in a note in the notes app

If he’s out on a mission he’s calling you for hours everyday if he gets the chance

If you take meds he has a little reminder set in his phone for when you take them

Will always insist you have something to eat, a bath, and have a rest/go to sleep after you’ve had a breakdown

He’s always cuddling you

Even when he games he has you either on his lap or an arm around you while he plays

Like his arm is wrapped around you but he’s still using his two hands to play

Bought you a journal to write your thoughts down if he either doesn’t have the mental capacity to let you vent or physically cannot because he’s in the middle of a mission or smth

Even if you haven’t expressed feelings of being a burden, even if you don’t feel like a burden he’s always telling you how much he loves you and how without you he’s nothing

Makes you feel so special

This is a little annoying but he always wakes you before he leaves the house, he wakes you up with kisses tho so it’s ok

If you express you don’t like it he’ll just text you that he’s out if you aren’t awake

If you don’t trust yourself around objects that could be used to hurt yourself he’s locking them away immediately until he both thinks you feel better and you verbally tell and show him you feel better

Showers you with kisses everyday

#cod x reader #cod #cod mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod mw x reader

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mrs-monaghan · 10 months

Note

Honestly, I think payola is happening for JK because it’s nearly impossible to make it onto Hot100 “organically” now. (No doubt he’s being pushed, with Scooter, BPD, radio stations, everybody and they mama posting and hyping Seven.) But we have to remember that Seven only has Itunes, Amazon, Qobuz buys, and no D2C, which was our most powerful tool in getting our JM the #1 he deserved. Without the company stepping in to support it with radioplay, the #1 on Hot100 would be impossible. Now the question is whether or not they will support PJM2 the way they’re pushing Seven. I’m withholding judgement until we see how the company treats PJM2.

Still, this doesn’t negate how LC had INSANE potential to be HUGE, and HYBE completely fumbled the fucking bag. And by fumbled I mean they just about dropped it over the rooftop of the building that JM and BTS built. Kicked it to the curb like it was worth nothing. And that pisses me off and it always will. But Jikookers, please try to tone back the hate towards JK. He doesn’t deserve it. I know the main question is “how can JK accept all this help knowing that JM was snubbed and didn’t get any?” I don’t know, but we do know that Scooter is involved. This man is a toxic snake. We have no idea what’s going down behind the scenes. Really, we have no fucking clue. We can only guess. So please, support Seven if you want to, don’t support it if you don’t want to. But don’t be so quick to jump on JK and accuse him of not caring about JM. Are you kidding me? You’ve really forgotten how much JK loves and takes care of JM, everything they’ve had for the past ten years, everything in the past few months even.

I promise you, there will be a day when we’ll get a tell-all, be it leaked emails or JM himself addressing the issue, perhaps even JK will do/say something. Nothing shady stays hidden forever. Until that day, let’s be patient and kind.

Oh, and for those accusing JK of plagiarism, are you serious? Like, look in the mirror and say that to yourself. “JK is stealing JM’s creative work without his permission.” Yeah, do you realize how fucking dumb you sound? There is undoubtedly glaring similarities between their style and concept choice. Do you ever think for one second — okay, since it’s obviously not plagiarism, what could it be? Could it be that JK is trying to send a fucking message? Or did you ever think for one second that JK could have gone to JM and said, hyung, I really liked what you did, do you mind if I do something similar? They could be laughing and giggling together about the photos literally as we speak, meanwhile people are going after JK with pitchforks saying he’s stealing JM’s story. Fuck off.

Now the question is whether or not they will support PJM2 the way they're pushing seven

This special treatment is for JK and JK only. When we say he is the golden goose that's exactly what we mean. They had plans for him, from day one. He is who they will use to pave the way for BTS and Kpop ig. Idk. Is this for BTS or for themselves? Who tf knows?

Jimin could have done this too. Was doing this. But he isn't who they banked on. Invested in. His success continues to shock them. They had a plan and they refuse to deviate from it.

We saw it coming y'all... why are people mad? Guys, I'm not gonna lie, I'm as as cool as a fucking cucumber. This is my only option. Its either that or join everyone else and be fucking pissed and what good does that do? 😂😂😂

Jimin solos already tagging BH to ask why LC didn't get pushed for radio play like that's gonna do dick. There is a plan in place and there ain't nothing nobody can do to change it.

JK didn't steal shit. You're bonkers if you think Jimin wasn't aware of what JK was going to do. And was perfectly okay with it. They are matching on purpose. It's on purpose. Period.

#ask shaz #bts ask #jikook #jimin and jungkook

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jacktorrancekinny · 1 year

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Disco Elysium Swap AU Headcanons!

I wanted to think of a swap Disco Elysium AU that was still sensitive to the themes of the game, and thus preserved the racial bias that Kim faces in the police force. He would not be able to get away with as much as Harry did, because of course, Harry is white.

KIM

Kim’s breakdown began with the death of Eyes, his partner, obviously. Eyes, however, had been his shield from the rest of the 57th. Eyes was his Jean, but he was also Eyes’ Jean. They both supported each other through shitty times. Eyes was the one most likely to get promoted, and if he was promoted, it forced the Captain to promote Kim too because Kim was the competent of the two of them, and not promoting Kim as well would show his racial bias. Kim, treated as an outsider, was able to glimpse the world through Eyes, figuratively and literally, which is why Kim’s Esprit De Corps equivalent is called ‘Eyes’.

When Eyes died, Kim was not assigned to a new partner, and is still waiting for a new one, because they were preparing to get rid of him. That is the reason why Kim is sent to Martinaise in this AU, because the 57th expects him to fail, and are going to use the opportunity to demote him or dishonorably discharge him from the RCM. Depending on the ending in this Swap Game, Kim can absolutely be forced to leave the RCM if Harry does not ask him to join the 41st.

Kim’s breakdown is not at all like Harry’s. He’s come into work late a few times and his solve rate is not as good as it was. He has started drinking and doing more drugs, and this is eating into his savings, meaning he’s no longer able to care for himself as he once was able to. His appearance has degraded as a result. He’s a bit scruffier, less well groomed, he cuts his own hair because he can’t afford the barber. Because he is no longer ‘model’, he is seen as a delinquent foreigner, and perceived as a troublemaker in his precinct, despite no real evidence for it. He’s also more involved in the punk scene in his free time. (His Superstar Cop equivalent is Punk or ACAB Cop.)

Kim’s signature is still Authority, but it comes from a different place. Original Kim’s authority comes from his composure, poise, and self-assurity. This Kim’s Authority comes from a place like Half-Light. He appears like a man with nothing left to lose, so if you don’t obey him, who knows what will happen?

Kim’s amnesia can either come from a head injury (most likely) or an excessive drug binge (least likely) or some other medical event. Kim doesn’t have objects talk to him or anything like that, but he does get uncanny ‘hunches’ that are usually right.

HARRY

I read Harry in canon as being OSDD/DID(?), ADHD, and BPD coded, so my interpretation of Swap Harry comes from a place like that, but can be interpreted without that.

Specifically, the OSDD comes into play where the old host was starting to become too self-destructive about Dora, so, only a year into this Harry’s breakdown, the system split a new host, and the old host fused with Half-Light, who holds all the Dora sad. This means there is also some layer of amnesia, but that’s normal OSDD stuff.

Otherwise, Harry responded to his breakup with Dora, instead of begging her to come back, to prove her wrong or prove himself better than her, or at least appear better than her, so she’d eventually come back and see how wrong she’d been (it hasn’t happened yet.) It’s not that he is fully sober or anything like that, but he’s just better at containing and managing, and especially hiding his drug habits. He is a chronic liar, and extremely good at reading people and telling them what they want to hear.

He’s a can-opener not because of amazing insight, but because he’s able to bullshit his way through any conversation.

It’s a point that Harry has absolutely done way worse than Kim at work and is still considered to be fascinatingly competent. Functioning at ALL makes him seem amazing. His legend has not been diminished by any habits, and his cases solved are more around 215 when the game starts. He wants to get 500 before retirement. He’s actually reached the never-before-seen status of Triple-yfreitor, and is very proud of it. He is also far more condescending to Jean and is way more in control of the 41st than in canon.

He’s kind of oblivious to social problems, and starts the game as a centrist, but can be guided to the left or the right by the player. He would say that Kim isn’t trying hard enough to be accepted by his precinct, and that they just need to have the right conversation, but if he bonds enough to Kim, he will ask him to join the 41st. Without Harry singing his praises to the rooftops, Kim will not remain in the RCM.

Overall, Swap Harry Du Bois is morally dubious because he is far more prideful and far surer in his abilities. He kind of still talks like a gym teacher and is a little condescending to Kim, but is willing to stick anything out, because of his ‘Yes, and’ attitude from a Drama signature. He does not talk about the Skills to anyone although he desperately needs therapy. feel free to add to this and if this gets popular, I might draw art/comics for this au.

#disco elysium #disco elysium au #de swap au #disco elysium skills #disco elysium swap au #disco elysium swap #kim kitsuragi #harry du bois #harry dubois #harrier du bois #disco elysium headcanon

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bpdiruma · 22 days

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misaki okusawa and how i see her with BPD: an analysis

hi! as someone with BPD myself i have seen some symptoms of BPD in misaki, and i wanted to talk about it. a lot of people don’t typically see her with BPD so i just wanted to share my thoughts. this will be a long yap sesh so enjoy if you’re interested

what is BPD? BPD by definition is “A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.”. it is a personality disorder that can be caused by trauma or even genetics.

having a favorite person: a huge part of this disorder is having a favorite person. what is a favorite person exactly? the one person (or can be multiple people, but it’s more common to only have one) that the person with the disorder is attached to. someone with BPD will seek attention and validation from their favorite person, go to them for support, or even look up to them. it can vary, but overall it is a person’s with the disorder’s favorite person. but it’s much stronger than someone without it typically having someone they like more than most.

who is misaki’s favorite person? let me pose a thought to you. kaoru seta. you may think i’m biased b/c i personally like kaomisa, but let me pose actual canon evidence and facts. this is going to be LONG because there is a lot of proof here so stick with me.

the fact there is two stories at this point that emphasize misaki’s attachment to kaoru. the fact there’s more than one tells me that there’s simply something more there and she feels a connection towards her. the two stories in question are a fleeting’s night dream and to those who will depart.

misaki seeks validation from kaoru. back in band story 2, kaoru shows up at the park. she tries to seek an answer from kaoru, which kaoru literally calls her out for. she tries to seek that validation and understanding towards her.

the only thing that calmed misaki down in a fleeting night’s dream was kaoru simply being herself. due to the fight with her parents (which i will circle back to by the way), misaki is all over the place. once she goes to kaoru’s house, kaoru pretty much just talks about herself. weirdly enough, this calms misaki down. what proves this further that it’s a favorite person connection is that even kokoro and hagumi are super confused on WHY kaoru talking about herself calmed her down. the two sillies themselves don’t even know how that works. with favorite people, sometimes the only thing that can calm someone down is their favorite person.

misaki’s whole attitude in to those who will depart. while everyone else is focused on nicolina, misaki’s focused on kaoru. she is MORE worried about what’s going on with kaoru. yeah it could also be explained by the fact that misaki didn’t know how long kaoru would be going for. but, there’s more in this story. i’m gonna make a separate bullet point for this because it’s such a big thing.

misaki’s anger towards kaoru in the same story. misaki is never ever truly mad at kaoru. she can be annoyed by her in past stories, yeah. but she never genuinely got angry. but for the first time, she got mad at kaoru. it even got to the point where she got kaoru confused and kaoru herself got nervous. misaki pretty much takes it personally that kaoru didn’t take up her decisions to go abroad to misaki first. this is very common with this disorder, feeling like the favorite person has to involve them in any way possible. also, this anger can be considered splitting. splitting is when the person with BPD is genuinely angry and can see their favorite person as bad. she was genuinely angry with kaoru and saw it as a terrible thing that she did not take it up with misaki herself.

the mere fact misaki literally fell at the end of the story in relief when she realized kaoru wasn’t going to be gone long. that just speaks a lot of volumes to me personally.

misaki and how the idea of kaoru leaving caused her to be miserable and not able to enjoy anything else around her. she cannot enjoy the festivities regarding nicolina around her because she was more focused on what was going on with kaoru. it pretty much consumes her, this is proven that the whole story is focused on her trying to get past its consumption of her.

the fact the only time misaki got out of her shell to perform as herself instead of as michelle because of kaoru leaving. like that is a major thing for her, as she became attached to michelle in the time she spent with the band. she wanted kaoru to see her as herself sending her off, which can show how she wants kaoru’s attention.

lastly (holy crap this list is long) how she was acting at the end of the show in to those who will depart. the manner she speaks to her says a lot. she is talking to her as if she’ll never see her again. with BPD, the feeling of a favorite person going away for a bit can feel like they will never come back.

misaki’s heightened emotions: misaki’s emotions are very strong. those with BPD have heightened emotions due to the amygdala (the emotion processing center in the brain) is shrunk, therefore making them more sensitive. misaki has been shown to be shaken up by things that wouldn’t bother someone without the disorder. such as:

in a fleeting night’s dream, her book being thrown out by her parents. yes, it can hold a sentimental meaning to her. but she also started a fight about it and decided to avoid going home over it. holding a sentimental meaning can actually line up with BPD, as sentimental things are usually as a result of emotion. not that everyone who has a sentimental feeling towards something has the disorder, but it makes sense for misaki’s case.

once again, with kaoru leaving. she felt like she was being unreasonable for it, she felt like it wasn’t normal to be that upset. she knew what her feelings were from a realistic standpoint, but couldn’t shake the feeling away. that can be the case for someone who has BPD and is aware that they do (like me), where they know their feelings are unreasonable, but can’t help but feel it anyway.

misaki’s black and white thinking: misaki has black and white thinking. this is a very common part of BPD.

what exactly is black and white thinking?: black and white thinking is when you think of things as completely good or completely bad. there is no grey area for thinking. there is no seeing the complexity of a situation, only that it is completely good or completely bad.

what examples of black and white thinking does misaki have?: let’s look back at the second band story for hello happy world. in the story, the rest of the band takes upon misaki’s jobs for her as an act of helping her. this was because misaki had so much to do and was under a lot of pressure. the band did this as an act to help her, and thought they were doing the right thing for her. despite what they came across, they were trying to help her. misaki does not see this, and instead takes this as an “all bad” scenario, thinking that due to this she meant NOTHING to the band and was not needed anymore. immediately jumping to this assumption can be a symptom of BPD. she does not see the whole complexity of the situation, and resorts to that. that’s the whole plot of band story 2.

misaki’s proneness to anger: misaki can be quick to anger. i’m gonna talk about that more.

let’s bring back the mention of her fighting with her parents. her first reaction was to argue. she is quite angry about this for a good amount of time until kaoru comes around and helps. her arguing with her parents can show a lack of restraint on her part, and how she snaps at them on the phone while she’s with the band. BPD can make someone have a lack of restraint of what they are doing. she immediately regrets it after, as she didn’t mean to do it in front of everyone.

also, her interactions with kokoro in band story 2. when she first screamed at her, is what i mean. i honestly don’t blame her for this, kokoro needed some sense knocked into her. genuinely might’ve been the best way to execute it because it seems like kokoro wouldn’t have listened to misaki calmly talking. but still, shows she can be quick to anger.

instances of social isolation: misaki can have a tendency to isolate herself/avoidances when she’s upset with someone or a situation. this can be a way for those who have BPD to cope with the situation due to strong and overwhelming emotions. here are some examples.

her avoiding going home from her parents. she isolated herself from the band too until kaoru found a way for misaki to be comfortable enough to ask her to come with kaoru. kaoru was incredibly smart for this by the way. because even though misaki wanted help, she isolated anyway. it wasn’t until kaoru gave her a way to do it, misaki did not want to flat out ask for help.

in band story 2, she runs off from kokoro when she is spoken to. misaki was already clearly experiencing heightened feelings from the encounter, and leaving was the only thing she can do for her feelings at that point. she felt like running off was the best thing to do.

as a bonus i’m gonna mention the april fools game, girl’s blossom project. of course it isn’t taken as canon as it is a dating sim made for april fool’s. but i take how the characters react as something they would do in canon. so, misaki’s route is a bit different compared to the other girls. she makes you wait for her. prior to this, misaki acts strange and upset. she doesn’t necessarily tell you why, but she is clearly upset. she avoids you, for lack of a better word. she avoids you til the last second, until the very end of the route. and this is the good ending. it is very interesting that she isolated herself for so long as you wait for her after she was upset and then suddenly appeared again. just a little bonus.

smaller details that show her symptoms:

misaki is an anxious person. anxiety can be a part of BPD as well. she clearly struggles with some form of anxiety. i would say social, as she felt humiliated at first to admit to other people she was part of the band. also, her area conversation where she runs away from a child because she thought the kid was gonna hug her.

depression. BPD has depressive symptoms, and to me it seems as if misaki was heavily depressed during band story 2. she literally thinks she is not needed and that the band would be better off without her. she asks michelle if she can ever make her smile too.

i love misaki okusawa and personally as someone with BPD i see a lot of her in myself. if you read this whole thing thank you!

i have references for everything i said, so if you have questions about anything i said just ask and i will show you a picture or the quote :]

#number one yappatron #misaki okusawa #okusawa misaki #kaoru seta #kokoro tsurumaki #hagumi kitazawa #kanon matsubara #hello happy world #hhw #harohapi #bandori #bang dream #character analysis #analysis #bang dream girls band party #bpd #borderline personality disorder

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borderlinereminders · 9 months

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This is an article I've shared before that I've written, but I wanted to share it again so that I could post the text below the read more for those that aren't comfortable clicking to an external site.

This is a post about how to work on avoiding giving into harmful urges.

Something that comes up a lot in BPD, but also a number of other disorders, is impulse control and urges.

It can be so hard to not give in. For example, when feeling angry, we might have an urge to scream at someone, say something hurtful, harm ourselves or any number of things.

It’s really important to learn how to cope with harmful impulses and urges.

One way to do this is what is called Urge Surfing. Urge surfing is about “riding the wave” of an urge. The longer you resist an urge, the stronger it seems to get, much like the building of a wave. If you do give into an urge, that teaches your brain that giving into the urge is the only way to make it go away. However, research has shown that urges generally last for 20 to 30 minutes. It may feel like it’s going to keep on getting stronger and stronger until you give into it, but much like a wave, it will break and go away if you can avoid it.

Trying to directly stop an urge can be difficult. If you have ever tried to swim directly against a wave, you know that it can be exhausting. Especially as it gets stronger, it can feel like a wave will overwhelm you. On the other hand, if you swim to the side or otherwise do not work directly against the wave, you can move out of its power or give it time to break and dissipate without using nearly as much energy. Working with urges can be exactly the same.

One way I resist an urge is the “not now, later” approach. With this approach, I tell myself that, “Okay, you want to do that thing? That’s fine, but it has to be later.” I find this works for a lot of things because when I outright tell myself, “no,” I find it harder to let go of the urge. By telling myself I can give into the urge, but do it later, I find I can ignore the urge in less discomfort and usually by the time later arrives (I like a “sleep on it” rule for later, depending on the situation), the urge has passed and I can move on. If I do this repeatedly, I teach my brain to understand that the urge will go away whether I act on it or not.

Some things that can be useful to do when Urge Surfing:

Recognize and acknowledge that you are having an urge

Notice and describe the thoughts and feelings you are having, without trying to change or suppress them. This may be uncomfortable, but that’s okay. Discomfort while feeling an urge is normal.

Remind yourself:

There is nothing wrong with having urges. They are normal and natural parts of having addictions, habits and desires.

Discomfort is okay.

An urge is a desire, not a need. I can have an urge and choose not to act.

Urges are temporary. They will pass, whether I give into them or not.

Some other things you can do are focus on distracting yourself whether that’s by activities you like, grounding techniques or just overall keeping busy.

Remind yourself that you are in control. As hard as it is, you can choose not to act on your urge. It may feel impossible, but you can do it, and reminding yourself of that can help.

If it helps you, you can journal about your feelings and urges. Sometimes writing them down can help us realize why the urge isn’t good to give into. With that said, you can also spend some time thinking about why you shouldn’t do the thing you want to do. For example, you don’t want to yell at your friend because you know the feeling you’re experiencing is temporary and you don’t want to cause them unfair hurt which can also have lasting effects on your friendship. (With that said, if after you are calmer and you rationally think that cutting a friend off is better for your own mental health, then you should do that.)

And as time goes on, the urge should get less. This can help us because we are aware the discomfort we are in won’t last. If we feel like the discomfort won’t go away until we act on the urge, we are more likely to act on the urge to make it stop. Remind yourself that it will pass on its own.

Over time, Urge Surfing can help your brain learn that it doesn’t need to react to urges. It can help to make urges easier to avoid giving into, in the long-term.

#my blog posts #urge surfing

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anti-endo-haven · 1 month

Note

Venting again cause i need to know if I'm being overdramatic or if this is an okay reaction TwT

Maybe important note???: We have BPD, and i've also been dating my partner for over a year

Okay so I have a partner, and I really really love them. Like a lot. And today I was stalking scrolling through their blog, and noticed that they had gotten a couple of those positivity asks (like "i love your blog, share to blogs you like to spread the positivity")

and at first I was a little hurt because he didn't send me any sort of ask like that, and then i scrolled a little further and saw that he had sent an ask to someone else. and i know this because he had reblogged it with a message

and then i sent him that exact same message, cause i really like them and their blog does make me happy! but i also wanted to see if they would send it back. and he hasn't.

and now i'm just really really hurt and betrayed and i feel like he doesn't love me anymore, and we also haven't talked (like had any meaningful conversation) in forever, and i know it's cause they love the show they're hyperfixating on and it makes them really happy but i don't know what they're talking about at all and it's literally the only thing we talk about. the only times the conversation branches off is when they've had a terrible day and want to talk to us about it or because we make a really concerning post on our blog and it shouldn't have to get to that point

and even when we share something, he just brushes it off and goes back to talking about bsd. like we wore a dress last friday and we were super, super excited, and we told him about it and his only reaction was "NICE" and then showed a ss of a bsd post and began to talk about it. we got more of a reaction from strangers on the internet than our boyfriend of over a year. we can scroll back and find messages where we told him we were wearing a dress or skirt and he would ask for pictures and be super happy and be a complete dork and now he didn't even ask for a picture or say that we must've looked so pretty. he couldn't even type out "OMG THAT'S AWESOME" or "OOO LEMME SEE" or "THAT'S GREAT!!".

and they also haven't asked us "how are you" since february 2nd, and checking the chat log I'm 99% sure he only asked that because we weren't really acting normal, and checking the chat logs again i can't even find the last time he said "i love you" without us initiating the exchange or because we did something for him

actually we just found it. it was when i couldn't message him for a couple days because i was literally too depressed to do so and too tired to pick up my phone, and literally going back to the messages the only reason it was even brought up was because i asked if he was okay because he was acting weird

i just feel like he doesn't care about me anymore, let alone love me

Hey, anon. Gonna get really deep and to the point here.

You 100% need to make it to where you and your partner have a talk together with no outside distractions. This is serious and it can really put a dent in your relationship, which it already is. You are absolutely valid for feeling this way.

I know that being hyperfixated on a show or game can take a lot of time, but it’s also super important to be able to make time for loved ones in the middle of it.

There needs to be boundaries and telling him how you’re feeling. The best way to also communicate is to be assertive and use “I” statements as well as throwing ideas out on how the two of you can work on it together. An example:

“I don’t feel like you’re interested in spending time with me right now, and I want to do something together to get the spark back in our relationship. I think it would be better for us to work together again than sitting this out and letting the wound fester.”

Relationships aren’t all that easy sometimes, and there’s bound to be bumps in the road along the way, but open communication, boundaries, working together is much better than letting things fester. Even if you think something is small.

Talk over your fears that you have with how the relationship is going.

If you’re both able to find a day to sit down and talk even if it’s over a phone call, make sure to take breaks and come back to the conversation if emotions become strong. Make sure you also do something for yourself.

And if you really think it’s necessary, breaks in relationships aren’t a bad thing. Especially when it gives you time to focus on yourself. My partner and I had a lot of breaks and we’re finally on a path of healing together.

The best thing you can do right now is communicate how you feel. Don’t let him shut you down, allow him to communicate back, work together.

I hope this helps for some of it! You’re doing what you can! ❤️

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