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stutterfly · 3 years

Text

Swipe Right 04 | Patch Notes | JJK (M)

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, brot7 x friendship

Genre: E2L, fluff, angst, humor, [eventual] smut, PersonalTrainer!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, Nerd!Jungkook, Nerd/IT!Reader

Word Count: 15.1K

Last time on SR03: You joined a gym to increase your confidence and things progressed the way you want with your tinder match. You ended up in an unlikely competition with your friends when you went new bar together, leading to some unexpected conversations and shenanigans.

CW & Other Tags: Drinking, anxiety/panic attack mentions, muscle tearing injury mention, fuckboy Jungkook, pining, flirting, pick-up lines, sexual tension, Joonie is still Y/N’s best boi, soft Jungkook

Series: Activate your SIMCard

Fic: Swipe Right (4/?- Ongoing)

Do not repost.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

When’s the last time you felt as good as you do right now? Jungkook has pretty much stopped bothering you since that night at Seesaw, your date with Jason went well, and you’ve been sticking to your early morning workouts. You definitely don’t push yourself as much as trainer Hwasa, and you know you should really take advantage of the free trial, but it was overwhelming to take in so much at once and the session made you sore all over for days.

At least your stamina seems to be improving and you’ve discovered post-workout endorphins are real. Tonight is your second date with Jason, a date you’ve uncharacteristically elected to host at your apartment. You can place some blame on those endorphins for your boldness, with pining and disappointment composing the rest of it.

While your first date ended without a kiss, there was enough flirting to keep you hopeful. Neither of you were brave enough to do anything about it then, but you’ve mentally coached yourself into pretending like you have an unbreakable spine with nerves of steel. Meeting him only solidified your attraction, and you’ve resolved to take the lead, even though you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

It’s not like you often make the first move, but your confidence in him to do so has waned. You’ve been talking and playing games together online for months without any physical touch. Despite how he’s said he likes you and wants to see you again, you’d still be waiting if you didn’t suggest today.

You’re determined to show him what he’s missing by being a recluse. That’s why you’ve picked out the sluttiest clothes and the strappiest heels you own, decorated your face with expensive makeup, and even styled your hair instead of just letting it do whatever it wants for the day. You check yourself out in the full-length mirror on your bedroom door for the millionth time and pull down on the hem of your dress like it will somehow magically grow longer.

You don’t need the heels; no part of the night calls for them. You’re going to be sitting on the couch with him. If you’re lucky you’ll even move it to the bedroom you spent so much time cleaning. But they’re cute and they make you feel sexy, so you’re going to keep them on until he’s peeling you out of your dress.

Nerves bubble in your stomach, but you have to pretend like they’re not there or you’ll fixate on how hard you’re trying to be confident and cool. You’ll fall apart when it’s obvious to Jason how hard you’re pretending to be everything you aren’t. Checking your phone doesn’t help; it’s almost time.

Taking a deep breath, you pace through the confines of your apartment as you wait, and answer group texts from Jennie and Namjoon. You offer up a selfie, hoping any compliments will build your confidence enough to stave off the anxiety in your gut. A few devil emojis later, some keysmashing, and more than a couple hamfisted compliments from Namjoon, your ego is adequately inflated but you can always use more hyping. Maybe you should send it to Jimin to fish for more compliments? He’d indulge you for sure.

Instead you flop on the couch and open Tinder. According to Jennie, Jason is stringing you along; it’s been months, but you hate to admit that she has a point. So you don’t. She’s been telling you for a while now that she thinks you should pursue other suitors. While you object to her assumptions, she has more experience with this kind of stuff. It’s not exactly something you want to believe, not when you’ve put in so much effort for literal months.

You want to believe in Jason being awkward and dorky and that’s why it’s taken so long for the two of you to hook up. He’s shy and super introverted, but so are you. So why are you the only one trying to make things happen? You want to believe, but at this point you’re uncertain enough to heed Jennie’s advice and keep swiping any time you find yourself in a situation where you’re waiting on him. Like now.

You have your reservations about swiping while you wait for your date to begin, but you can practically hear Jennie cheering you on. He’s late anyway, and it will keep you busy until he arrives. You open the discovery tab and swipe left on a couple incomplete profiles. Most of the guys on here don’t put in any effort. How are you supposed to want to give any of them a chance when you don’t even get a tiny snapshot of who they are?

When you pass on yet another fish pic profile, a blue frame appears around the next guy in line. It takes a moment for your brain to register the name along with the duck-faced photo as someone familiar.

[Jungkook said: Your legs remind me of oreos 🥴 wanna know why?]

How fucking dare he? You match with the intent to ream him out and leave.

You: I told you not to fucking find me on here

It takes only a few seconds before you see the dots move on his end, like he was waiting for the moment you would answer, and it keeps you tethered to the conversation.

Jungkook: Princess!! I couldn’t help myself how are you

Jungkook: Surprised you didn’t block me

You: Don’t worry I’m gonna

Jungkook: it’s bc you wanna know huh

You: ???

Jungkook: Your legs

Jungkook: Like oreos

Jungkook: I wanna split them n lick the cream from the center 😜

Electricity rumbles in your gut, carrying heat and a surge of excitement to your cunt that threatens to flood your panties. You swallow hard and squeeze your thighs together as you stare at the screen. Embarrassed by the response his antics elicit, you scramble to formulate a coherent thought.

You: I wish I could unread 🤢

Jungkook: Aw but that’s one of my favorites

Jungkook: Just like you 😘

You: 🙄

You: I hate you so much

Jungkook: So much that you matched with me?

You stare at the message like a clever response will come to you and when it doesn’t you bite your lip. He’s got a point. Haven’t you learned your lesson not to encourage him? Your eyes scan the top of your phone for any notifications from Jason. Nothing. At least this is keeping you distracted. That’s what you tell yourself.

Jungkook: You’re still here which means 👀

You: It means I’m tired

Jungkook: Of?

You pause for a moment. Namjoon and Jennie can’t know how anxious you are about Jason. It’s the guy’s last strike with them and he hasn’t even met them yet. Jungkook, an impartial third party, might be able to lend an ear. As much as you don’t care what he thinks, you need an outlet for the anxiety in your chest. You start to draft a word-vomit. Jason has been so hesitant to see you in person again and now he’s late. Maybe if you just put it out there to someone you’ll feel better.

Jungkook: If you need to sleep how about a massage?

Jungkook: I’m good with my fingers 🥴

Stupid. In what universe could you confide in Jungkook? Deleting your word-vomit before you can send it, you start to type something else, but your thumb accidentally taps enter at the exact wrong moment.

You: You know what? I want you

FUCK. Goddamn you, sausage fingers.

You scramble to rewrite the sentence but Jungkook is quicker. He has to know it was an accident, but you’re still fucking mortified.

Jungkook: 😈

Jungkook: My place

Jungkook: Ten minutes

You: *to stay off my profile

Jungkook: 👉👌?

You: YOU KNOW I DIDN’T MEAN THAT

You: 🤢🤢🤢

Jungkook: 😩

Jungkook: Now you’re just playing games with me princess

Jungkook: Can’t say I mind just fuck me up 🥴

You: Don’t you have a princess to fuck in another castle? Maybe she can stroke your tiny ego

Jungkook: Ouch felt that from here

He goes quiet and you close the conversation out. Setting the phone down on the cushion beside you lasts all of two seconds. When your phone buzzes twice, you know better than to answer, yet you feel compelled to look.

Jungkook: Hey quick question

Jungkook: Is this the most you’ve used the app to talk with someone you like? 👻

Just like that you unmatch with him and take a moment to seethe. Distraction or no, he’s not worth the mental energy. He always seems to draw you in like a pretty little thirst trap and drain you of your sanity. Not engaging is the safest option so why do you always end up doing so? Maybe it’s that shitty little part of you that gets excited any time he shows you attention.

There’s a gullible girl within you; she sets your pulse on fire when he feigns even the slightest interest, fills your head with wind when he brushes against you, and floods your eyes with tears when he walks away. Still, she wants him to look at you, even if it means he’s really looking through you. You hate her. Why can’t she learn that you deserve better?

You check the time again and wince. Jason is really late now. Not even a text. Or a phone call. Maybe it’s traffic?

Try to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re going to have fun tonight.

You start up a game to take your mind off the options available to explain his absence. When you’re invested in a game you often lose track of time, but tonight you’re hyper-aware of every minute that passes. You bite at your freshly painted nails during loading screens, chipping the red from their edges. Sounding casual is difficult when you’re worried, but you attempt it anyway via text. It’s ten more agonizing minutes of waiting before your phone buzzes with an answer.

The controller drops to your lap and immediately tears begin to sprinkle your thighs with the manifestation of your heartache.

He forgot.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

An earthy scent fills Namjoon’s apartment as he carefully transfers the last of his plants to a bigger pot, filling in the edges of its roots with fresh soil and patting the edges down with care. His plants have needed this, maybe even more than he needs the mini hangout that will soon follow. The kitchen table is covered in dirt, but at least he’s almost done.

It’s not his fault Jungkook showed up earlier than expected. At least he’s quiet now. It’s been a while, but he’s finally stopped asking about how much longer it will take, so he must either be invested in the show he put on or asleep on the couch.

“Almost done,” Namjoon loudly announces. “Can you text Tae?”

“Kay.” Jungkook yawns as he stands and heads towards the bathroom. “Jin was already cooking when I left so it should be ready soon.”

“Good. I’m hungry,” Namjoon says, carefully transporting the plant to the desk in his bedroom.

As he’s on his way to clean up the mess on the table there’s a soft rapid knock at the front door. The moment he opens it and finds you standing before him, he knows something is wrong. Even the ratty hoodie covering your shoulders can’t hide the effort you’ve obviously put into your appearance tonight. While your makeup seems to have fared rather well, your eyes are red and your cheeks are puffy. His mind automatically assumes the worst about your second date and his jaw tightens.

“What happened? Did he hurt you?”

“He never showed.” You throw your arms around him and openly sob.

“Oh, Y/N…” His arms are around you in an instant, hugging you close while keeping his dirty fingers at bay.

You press your cheek against his chest, letting the tears fall freely. “I’m sorry. I know you probably have plans tonight, but I wanted to stop here—” You choke out a loud sob and wipe your nose with your sleeve as you look down at the floor. “I didn’t want to drive upset but you weren’t answering and I just—”

“Shit. Exam today. I left it on silent.” He pats his pocket to make sure it’s still there, wiping as much dirt as he can on his jeans before placing his hands on your shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. Deep breaths.”

Jungkook emerges from the bathroom quietly with a furrowed brow and pursed lips. Did he hear your voice or is it his imagination? Unsure if you’re some wishful remnant of earlier texts, he peeks around the corner.

Heels: black, strappy heels with a velvety smooth red undersole. Has he ever seen you in heels? If he has, it’s never been something as flashy as these. His gaze travels up the smooth, exposed skin of your legs until it hits the hem of a skirt. The dark fabric seems a little short; it clings to your thighs, riding up as you embrace his friend. It’s hard not to notice how well it accents the curve of your hips and more importantly: your ass. He’s definitely never seen you in something so revealing, not even on nights where you’ve joined them for dancing.

He pauses for a fraction of a second, eyes trained on the swell of your ass before moving up to find the disappointing sight of your favorite hoodie barring much else from view. Namjoon’s arms outline your shape, but the places his hands rest are far too respectable to glean much else other than simple blueprints.

With his dick leading his steps, Jungkook opens his mouth to announce his presence with a joke. He means to selfishly steal a glimpse of your entire ensemble with some snarky comment but you choke out a sob and his stomach lurches to form a whirlpool of apprehension. His mouth remains open, but his words are swallowed back into the dark swirling pit that now wrenches his gut in circles.

Namjoon looks up just in time to read the confusion and shock on his features. He shakes his head and cups yours against his chest, wordlessly signaling Jungkook to keep quiet.

“Is there anything I can do? Do you wanna talk about it?” Namjoon asks, hoping you don’t see the man behind you slowly backing away like he’s just approached a rabid animal.

You’re sobbing. Why are you sobbing? What happened? Was it what he said before you unmatched? Jungkook tiptoes back into the kitchen without a word. He leans against the counter and shoves his hands in his coat pockets, trying to piece everything together. Did he cause this?

You screw your eyes shut to try to keep the tears inside. It’s no use. They always seem to find a way out. “He didn’t show up and when I texted him, he… he said he forgot."

“What?"

“I thought it would be good after the arcade date, you know? Like, good chemistry. He’s weird. I like him! He seemed interested and we made these plans and he just—” you choke out another loud sob. “God. Am I really so fucking forgettable?”

You wanted your friends to be wrong so badly that you ignored the fact that it’s been like pulling teeth trying to get Jason to meet up again. For him to forget completely is like a kick to the face that leaves all the teeth intact, maybe a little bloody, but stubbornly intact.

“Y/N, no. It’s not your fault. You deserve better than this fucking guy.”

Jungkook swallows hard. This definitely doesn’t feel like a conversation he should be hearing, but it’s loud enough to carry through the entire apartment. Kitchen, bedroom, or bathroom: his options are limited, but he knows there’s nowhere to go to pretend like he can’t hear it. It’s not like he can just walk out the front door now.

“Do I? It’s seems like a fucking pattern, Joon. I fall for people so easily and they always make me feel like an idiot for trying. Donghyun. Seojun. Jason. Jungkook… It doesn’t matter. No one fucking wants me.”

Jungkook tenses. He may not know all the names on your list, but his is among them all the same. Has he really hurt you so much?

“Hey… Don’t think like that,” Namjoon says, his voice soft as he rubs your back. “You know your worth, and it’s not measured by how well someone else can see it.”

Every time you think you’re done crying, fresh tears begin to roll down your cheeks. “I’m tired, Joonie.”

“I know. I’m sorry. We'll get you home."

As you step back to look at him your ankle rolls, and you begin to fall. Hearing the scuffle, Jungkook winces and peeks around the corner. Namjoon has a good enough grip to stop you from fully tumbling to the floor, but you’re definitely not stable by any means.

Although you now face Jungkook, you’re too distracted by your ankle to notice the extra pair of eyes on you. He allows himself to stupidly linger within your line of sight, raking his gaze across your form to take in the details of your attire, right down to your choice of earrings. Even with a red nose and puffy, smudged eyes, the time you’ve spent on your appearance remains evident.

You did all that for some guy who didn’t even show? If that’s how you dress for your dates then his innocent perception of you is completely wrong. What kind of moron would pass up the opportunity to peel you out of that dress and dive into your cunt? You look incredible. What the fuck.

"God. Shit. Fuck! Fucking stupid heels!” You huff out your exasperation and let a small pitiful laugh pass your lips as you right your stance with Namjoon’s help. “You know, I spent hours getting ready and now I just look stupid. I feel stupid.”

“You don’t. You’re not,” Namjoon insists, his palm squeezing your shoulder.

“Namjoon, I shaved my entire body. Do you know how long that took?”

Jungkook forces himself to withdraw into the kitchen. If you see him now you might murder him. He purses his lips into a thin line and tightens his grip around his arms. In an instant he imagines hiking your dress above your hips and parting your legs so he might brush his cheek against the smooth expanse of your thigh all the way to your core. Are your panties as slutty as your dress? Are they cute? Lacy? Plain?

“Geeksquad…” Namjoon sighs loudly. “I really don’t need to know— Hold up. Wasn’t this the second date?”

“Are you slutshaming me?” The tired laugh that follows sounds more like you, but it still hurts his heart. “I’m stepping up my game.”

“Nah. You do you,” he says, a soft smile on his lips that’s obviously full of pity. “You want to stay and get some food? I think I have some sweats you can change into.”

Tires screech in Jungkook’s mind. Is he going to be trapped here for the night? Without dinner? What kind of karmic torture is the universe putting him through?

“No, I’m sorry,” you sniffle, wiping your face with the sleeves of your sweater. “Jennie wants me to come over but I—I didn’t think I could make it with having a full meltdown. You were on the way.”

“No need to apologize.” He pulls you into another tight hug. “Do you want me to walk you back to your car?”

“No, no it’s fine. I’m right in front. Thanks, Joonie.” Your phone begins to buzz in your hoodie pocket. You pull back and wave it at him, already on your way to the door. “It’s like she knew. I’ll talk to her on the way. Thank you for listening to me cry for the millionth time.”

“Always. Text me when you get there, okay?”

“Will do, mom,” you tease with a soft laugh.

“Zip up your hoodie.”

You grimace at him with narrowed eyes but heed his advice on your way out. You also pull your skirt down as far down your thighs as it will reach. Men are gross and you trust virtually none of them.

Jungkook waits until he hears the click of the lock on the door to breathe a loud sigh of relief. Namjoon rubs the back of his neck and stares at the door. He worries about you.

“Yikes. That Jason guy is a dick huh?”

Namjoon swivels on his heels and rounds on his friend. “Like you were so much better to her?”

Jungkook casts his gaze to the floor. “I didn’t stand her up.”

Even he knows that argument is flimsy.

“Guk.”

“It was always just a joke.”

“It’s not though. She really liked you, man. I asked you not to mess with her.”

Memories have warped Jungkook into a jaded man: untrusting although not uncaring. Guilt is the only thing churning in his stomach as he thinks of you. He never expected to genuinely hurt you. Somehow things twisted into a gnarled mess that never really felt like more than a playful game of tug-of-war. But these kinds of games only work when the people involved know that they’re playing. It’s shitty when one pulls another into the mud when they’ve never agreed to participate.

Faced with the reality of how you consider him now, it dawns on him that he’s dragged you into the mud face-first without even the slightest resistance. You’ve stood up and you’ve even yanked the rope in retaliation, but you never should’ve been in the mud in the first place. Regardless of his own emotional ineptitude, he knows you never deserved that humiliation. No one does. The weight of his actions sits heavy in his gut.

Still he tries to justify himself. “All I do now is make pass after pass and she’s the one who turns me down.”

“You said it earlier yourself,” Namjoon sneers, irritated by his friend’s immaturity. “It’s always a joke. You’re never serious and she knows it. Look, you don’t have to like her back. She’s my friend and so are you. Just don’t lead her on and stop with the mind games. Be honest with her. The least you can do is apologize for being a dick.”

“That’s— I feel like… I don’t know how.”

Jungkook can’t bring himself to tell him of your conversation earlier tonight. It just adds to the guilt piling on his conscience. Namjoon used his own words against him and the worst part is it makes sense. It’s so much easier when it’s a stranger at a bar or a random encounter at a club, but you’re neither of those things. He lumped you into that category all the same.

Namjoon clicks his tongue and puts an arm around Jungkook’s back. “Starting with ‘I’m sorry’ can go a long way. She’s a good person and I know you guys can get along. Things were going well until you made that bet, right?”

Jungkook opens his mouth to speak and then closes it. “Mmm.”

“Not every girl is a Jiseo, Jungkook.”

“Yeah.”

“I think…” Namjoon sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know. Can you try to just... tone it down? Maybe try to patch things up?”

“Okay.” Jungkook’s brow furrows and he chews his lip as he mulls over Namjoon’s words. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out his keys. “You ready?”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Your head dips forward as your fingers glide across the keys. It's hard to concentrate on your task when you're this distracted by your own thoughts. You stare at the monitor with furrowed brows. Namjoon grabs the back of your chair and leans forward to tower over you.

"Went that well, huh? Did he blow the second chance he didn’t deserve?"

The motion jerks you backwards and you grip the armrests of the chair to steady yourself. Despite your best attempt to curb the irritation in your expression, your frustration remains apparent. You sit back and tilt your head up to look at him, trying to think of something to say, some excuse to not reinforce the "told you so" waiting in your future, not after you showed up at his apartment sounding like a dying whale a few days before. When no ideas come to your immediate aid, you click your tongue and let out a heavy sigh as you turn your attention back to the screen.

"Geeksquad," he presses. "Talk to me."

You exhale through your nose and briefly purse your lips before obliging his plea. The words are quick and quiet so you don't run the risk of bawling your eyes out again. "He canceled.”

Namjoon steps back and the pressure on your seat is gone. He places a large palm on your shoulder. "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

Despite wanting to give the opposite answer, you shake your head. You don't trust yourself to speak, but you'd like to tell him. He's clever and you know he'll likely find a way to get it out of you with minimal effort anyway. Still, you don’t think you can manage the words without crying like a baby and you don’t want to do that when the morning has only just begun. Silence falls between the two of you as he gives you time to decide if you want to open up.

After a moment of tapping away you finally give in. You know you’ll feel better after you cry.

"He said he had to stay behind and help do clean-up for the party he was at. And that’s nice and all, but we had plans. I feel crazy. I should be glad that he’s so kind, right? Like that shows he’s a good person, right?” Your voice has cracked but it hasn’t quite broken.

He sighs and flops in the chair on the other side of his desk. “Y/N… I think you’re asking me for answers you already know.”

“But tell me anyway,” you press, tears welling in your eyes. “Our first date went so well. So why-y-” Your voice breaks.

“Hey.” He reaches across the desk and brushes his fingers against your arm. “I know you want me to help you make excuses for him... But you deserve someone who values your time. Clearly he’s just looking to waste it.”

“But—”

“Y/N, you don’t need someone like that. If this is what he’s like before you’re even together, then what kind of effort is he really going to put into a potential relationship? Not enough. There are so many people out there, people that would trip over themselves just to have the chance to be with you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I think it’s a mistake that you even gave him another shot. He blew it. Twice. Delete his number. Forget him.”

“I know,” you croak. Tears fall from your eyes and you quickly swipe them away, focusing on the task at hand.

Namjoon is right and you know it, but you’re kind of irritated about it. You know it’s not really him you’re mad at, but Namjoon is a good enough placeholder while you try to sort through your hurt feelings.

You muster your most monotone voice as you stand. “I updated your drivers and deleted any cached files that might have been causing issues. Is that all?”

“Don’t be mad at me,” he pleads, rising to block your path as you step towards the door. “You have a big heart and I hate seeing it stepped on.”

In a matter of seconds you melt into his embrace and bury your face into his shirt. “I hate how fast I like people.”

“I know.” He pets the back of your head softly and squishes you against his chest. “It’s gonna be okay. How about udon later? My treat?”

“With beef?” you ask with a sniffle.

“With beef,” he agrees.

“Gyoza?”

“Mhm.”

“And takoyaki?”

“...You’re pushing it.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You slide the appetizer tray across the table towards Namjoon. “Here.”

He shovels a dumping into his mouth right before he speaks. “I could eat this every day for the rest of my life.”

“Could you afford it though?” you tease, taking a sip from the bottle of saké and crinkling your nose at it before passing it to him.

“Not if you’re joining me,” he snorts. “You’re supposed to pour it.”

“No, thanks.” You push the tiny glass full of liquid back towards him.

"Wow. Are you guys on a date?"

You know the source of the voice before you even crane your neck to see Jungkook.

"Pfft." Namjoon waves the question off with a deep laugh.

Despite finding the scenario of ever dating Namjoon absolutely absurd, you can’t help but feel a little insulted by the volume of his laughter. Namjoon’s hangout night was supposed to take your mind off of how unwanted Jason made you feel. Instead, the pit of insecurity within your stomach grows into a thick, tangled brush of hostility. Is being seen with you really so laughable?

“Why would we be?” you snap, turning your attention back to your bowl.

Heat settles in your face and you purse your lips, not daring to look at either of them. You try to wrangle some noodles to shovel in your mouth before you can say something stupid. Their eyes are on you. Jungkook is definitely confused but not alarmed by your hostility. It’s something he’s grown accustomed to. But Namjoon knows when he hurts your feelings, every time, and it’s easy enough to disarm your irritability.

“She’s way too good for a mess like me,” Namjoon says with a light laugh.

“Why are you here?” you ask, tone already softer than before.

"Post-work snackie," he answers, all too cheery for your sour mood. “Came for the noods. Mind if I join?”

He looks to the rosy-cheeked Namjoon for his answer, as you set your hoodie and purse down in the space beside you to give him yours. Namjoon betrays you by scooting over to make room on his side of the booth. You’d mentioned to him before that you’d eventually like to fix things with Jungkook, to somehow make steps for peace. But you only have so much mental energy left to give today.

“Not tonight, Jungkook,” you plead with a sigh.

The frustration in that puff of breath is enough to make Jungkook hesitate. He blinks a few times, wide-eyed. “What?”

“I just… can’t handle your bullshit tonight.”

Jungkook tries to break the uncomfortable tension with a grin. “No bullshit tonight. Promise.”

“No.” Your answer is firm and somehow so fragile that it makes both men worry their brows in the same fashion. “Please, just go away.”

He shoves his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and takes a few steps back. He doesn’t know what to make of your demeanor, but he can put enough together to know the basics. You’re upset, maybe not at him for once. However unlikely, that’d be a blessing. Maybe you’re still upset about that guy that stood you up a few days ago. If that’s the case, he probably shouldn’t stick around and risk letting on how much he knows about that.

He tongues the side of his cheek and nods, forcing a smile to his face. “Alright. I’ll just order it to go. Planned on that anyway. Catch you later.”

Guilt wracks your nerves as he walks away. The moment you look back at Namjoon, you’re faced with a wall of disappointment that threatens to topple the scale of decision-making in Jungkook’s favor.

“You’re judging me for that,” you mumble. The noodles between your chopsticks slip back into the broth.

“Little bit,” Namjoon admits, watching his friend sulk over to the entrance waitstaff. “You know he told me he’s trying to be nicer to you.”

“What? When?”

“The other day. We hung out.”

He keeps his answers short and ambiguous, hoping your curiosity has been piqued. Maybe this is the golden opportunity he’s been hoping for to patch your friendship.

“Was this before or after he harassed me on Tinder?”

Namjoon’s heart sinks into his butt. Of course Jungkook would make reconciliation harder than it needs to be. “When did he do that?”

“That night I showed up at your apartment like a big crybaby.”

“I went over his place for dinner after you left. Jin wanted to try a new recipe out on us.” That seems to at least make you pause.

“You guys talked about me?”

“Yup.” He goes back to chewing his food, knowing he’s got you hooked.

Your incredulous stare does nothing to pull information past his lips. “Joonie. What did you say about me? What did he say?”

“Mmm?” He slurps up a long noodle. “A lot of things. But they’re not really my words to tell.”

“No one likes clickbait, Joon.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that he told me that he wants to fix things. If you want specifics, maybe we can invite him to come eat with us. It might be easier for the both of you to talk about it over good food.”

You sigh, seriously considering his words even as you shake your head. “Joon, I’m already emotionally compromised. I really don’t want to cry in front of Jungkook tonight.”

“Why would you cry? This is a night for good things only. Namjoon-approved and protected. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to... I just thought it might be nice to make some good memories with good friends.”

You roll your eyes but hold your pinky out for him. “Fine. But this is Joonie-Y/N time. You’re cutting into that allotted time slot, you know that right?”

Namjoon rests his elbow on the table, preparing to pinky swear to whatever you’re about to suggest. “Conditions?”

“He sits next to you, he doesn’t make fun of me if I cry, and…. he doesn’t get to talk.”

“Y/N.”

“Fiiiiine. He can talk. But he better be as nice as you say he’s trying to be.”

“We allowed to talk about Jason?”

“If it comes up…” you sigh. “You know, if he’s mean to me and I cry then you have to deal with it.”

He clasps his long pinky around yours. “Deal. But with how all that just went down, you gotta go tell him to come back. He won’t believe me if I do it.”

“Don’t let him be mean to me,” you plead, tightening your grip on his pinky and locking eyes with him. “Good vibes only.”

“He won’t be mean. Good vibes only.” Namjoon nods with a soft smile. “He really is a good person where it counts, Y/N.”

You push your things aside and force yourself to find Jungkook. He’s leaning against a wall near the entrance, scrolling through his phone while he waits for his order. You quietly request to your waitress that you’d like his food brought to your table. She’s nice enough about it, but your stomach churns regardless. It’s the anxiety.

You gingerly poke a finger against his shoulder as you approach. “Um. Hey.”

He seems startled at first, but smiles when he realizes it’s you. “Hmm?”

You take a deep quiet inhale, trying your best not to get lost in the butterflies his charming smile conjures in your gut. You try to tell yourself it’s anxiety and nothing more. Apologies are hard and scary. That’s all.

“I’m… sorry for being rude. I’ve had a rough week but I shouldn’t take it out on you. Come eat with us, please. Namjoon’s buying anyway.”

His eyes seem to light up with surprise and a warm smile deepens the creases around his eyes and mouth. The hope that these feelings of attraction would evaporate with time is a flame swiftly snuffed out and replaced with a burning heartache that deems denial useless. Even now, pangs of infatuation lurk below your feelings of disdain, breaking the tension of its surface with each beat of your heart.

“It’s okay,” he reassures you. “I shouldn’t have invited myself when I saw you guys. I should really get home and shower anyway.”

He looks so clean that you’d assumed he’d already showered. It’s not like you can smell him from where you stand. Maybe he’s lying, but at least you get the sense it’s coming from a place of politeness.

“Jungkook, I want you to come eat with us. Besides Namjoon wants someone to drink saké with him and I cannot keep doing it.”

“I see.” He offers a small laugh and rubs the back of his neck. “Are you sure? You seemed pretty against it before. What changed?”

“Namjoon told me you’re trying to be less of an asshole to me.”

“Did he?” he licks his lips and tries to hide his pleased smile. “I’m surprised you believe him.”

“He also promised me I could punch you in the dick if you make me cry,” you lie, completely stone-faced.

If he knows that’s a falsified statement, he doesn’t say anything. He looks past your shoulder to quirk a brow at Namjoon, who appears to be furiously texting at the table. Jungkook’s phone buzzes a few times against his palm and he’s fairly sure he already knows who it is.

“Come on. I already asked them to bring your food to the table.”

He reads Namjoon’s messages as he trails behind you.

NAMJOON: If you seriously want to apologize stick around, make her laugh, just listen when you need to

JUNGKOOK: Don’t worry

JUNGKOOK: I got u

Before Namjoon can send a text saying that Jungkook's response has the opposite effect, you’re peeking across the table, trying to get a glance at the screen.

“Who’s that?” you wonder. Namjoon’s not usually one to be so secretive with his texts.

“Hmm?” he raises his eyebrows at you and pours you a shot. “Stupid. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ha. Haha. Ha.” You gesture at your face. “You say to the girl with anxiety.”

Crinkling your nose at the glass he offers, you slide it across to Jungkook as he settles in next to Namjoon. “Here. I’m done drinking that stuff tonight.”

He regards it with a quirked brow. Something about your demeanor really has changed, but looking between you and Namjoon does nothing to answer the question of what that may be.

“Okay, so on reddit this guy was reaching. He’s going on about the symbolism in the red scarf—”

Your eyes gloss over the moment he mentions reddit. Is there anything you care less about than Joon’s favorite modern literary discussion threads?

“Got it. Not worrying about it,” you interrupt, bringing your bowl to your lips to slurp some of the broth.

Jungkook hides his smirk by throwing his head back to drink his shot. Namjoon is a genius. It might be scary if he ever decided to use his intellect for nefarious purposes. Lucky for the universe he uses it to protect others, like a real superhero would.

As the three of you dine together, you’re surprised to find that Jungkook isn’t being as annoying as he usually is. In fact, it seems the more he drinks outside of any competitive setting, the more affable he becomes. Maybe there’s something to Namjoon’s clickbaity words. He’s almost the person you remember meeting before the Halloween Party, maybe even more pleasant.

You’re grateful when the two of them start telling embarrassing stories so you can listen and laugh at the way they slur their words and interrupt each other. Laughter makes your heart feel light and full, and brave enough to take the last step to prove to yourself you’re done chasing Jason. As the two men fight over the last piece of gyoza and distract themselves over dessert, you quietly decide to clear your text messages from Jason. Your finger hovers over the delete icon for a second before purging his contact information from your device entirely.

It’s freeing to not have to worry about what you should send him. It’s frustrating to have tried so hard for so long and have nothing to show for it, but at least there will be no conversation history to pick apart anymore. It should feel perfect. That will definitely show him, right? You don’t have to reflect for more than a couple seconds to reinforce the memory of how little he actually reached out on his own.

He still has your number. The only time he ever called was on your first date. He never texted you unless you spoke first. He probably won’t even notice you’re gone. He’s probably relieved he won’t have to answer you anymore. He probably thinks you’re desperate for trying for so long. You don’t realize how well you wear your anxiety.

When you look up Jungkook is watching you while he chews with his mouth wide open. “Hey, why do-” He hiccups and swallows. “Why do you look so sad? You should have some ice cream.”

He scans the table for something to offer you, but he can’t seem to find what he’s looking for in his drunken stupor. After a few seconds his eyes finally land on his own plate where the other half of his red-bean cake sits.

“Do you want my taiyaki?” He holds the tail end of the fish-shaped cake out to you. “It’s really good!”

You can’t help but laugh at the unexpected sweet absurdity of the night. “Jungkook, I don’t want your half-eaten cake.”

He frowns and looks at the pastry. “Is it because I bit it? I’ll break off that part for you if you don’t want your mouth to touch that.”

Although Jungkook definitely is more drunk than Namjoon right now, the older man can’t help but be amazed by how well this is going. He loads up on green tea ice cream and digs his spoon in it. He shouldn’t have been so worried. Jungkook can put away the act when he wants to, especially once alcohol is involved and there’s nothing to prove. You guys are actually getting along. What a relief.

“No, really it’s okay.” You laugh.

Jungkook is already breaking the pastry apart in his hand, watching as it crumbles to pieces on his plate. He blinks a couple times and closes his mouth in a frown.

“I thought that would work.” He sounds utterly defeated.

The waitress walks over just in time to watch Namjoon stick a heaping spoonful of wasabi in his mouth. You're too busy laughing at Jungkook's forlorn expression to notice the way Namjoon's eyes water. His eyes drop to the ice cream he thought he shoveled into his mouth. Right next to the pristine, untouched scoop of green tea ice cream, he finds his spoon resting in the hunk of wasabi adjacent to it. He should really pay attention more. He pushes against Jungkook's side and motions that he needs to get up. The younger man spares a glance his way but Namjoon waves him off while mumbling something about the bathroom.

The waitress tries to keep her composure and looks between the pair of you. "How is everything?"

"Great! Could you please bring us some water?" you ask in your sweetest voice, realizing the two men with you should at least try to start sobering up.

You expected to have Namjoon crashing on your couch on a Friday night, or at least be dropping him off down the hall at Hobi’s place. Jungkook was not part of the plan, but you can’t exactly let him drive home inebriated. You know he’s not your responsibility but you’d feel guilty making him call for a ride home when you’re perfectly capable.

Although you hate to admit it, you’ve had fun tonight. If you’re being honest with yourself you’d like to see what he’s like without Namjoon nearby to police his moves. He’s been nice enough, but you want to know for sure this isn’t an act. You want to ask him if he’s made another bet, or playing some game since he hasn’t hit on you all night. Before you can get your line of questions in order, Jungkook turns to the server with large, pleading eyes.

"Oh! Can you bring some more dessert, please?"

He may be a grown ass man capable of charming the pants off of women everywhere, but right now he is little more than a child begging for seconds. Regardless of everything he's done, your heart softens, endeared and embarrassed by his drunken request to your server.

The waitress nods. "Sure, what would you like?"

His eyes fall to you for an answer. "What do you like?"

You blink at him. "Me? I thought this was for you."

He nods. "Mm. We can split it."

"Um, how about... tempura?"

"Banana?"

Jungkook’s voice is full of anticipation and his upturned eyebrows seem to bargain for agreement. It’s so hard to believe this is the same man who has been so cold to you for so long when he seems so open and warm now. You remind yourself it’s probably the alcohol. It’s probably some secret promise to Namjoon. Some bet with Hobi. Some game he’s playing. It’s probably anything other than what your dumb crush-stupefied heart wants it to be.

The waitress looks to you for approval and you give a nod. "Sure. Banana tempura."

The waitress awkwardly smiles as she gathers the empty platters and gives you a chance to break away from his endearingly drunken face. He smiles across the table at you and wrings his hands while you pick up your phone to check on those nonexistent messages. Maybe if you distract yourself enough you can ignore the feelings that are catching up to you tonight.

“Thank you for inviting me back over,” he says, reaching to the nearly empty bottle of saké to pour himself another shot. “I’ve... been wanting to talk to you."

"I’m surprised you didn’t blow up my phone.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but there’s a harshness in your tone that exposes a venomous bite beneath it.

He downs the shot and plants his elbows on the table, leaning forward on them. "I wanted to say it to your face."

“Oh, really?”

You don’t allow yourself to entertain the idea that he’s about to say anything groundbreaking, but you look away from your phone to meet those dark, twinkling eyes. Suddenly there’s hope in your gut. You’re desperate to put some distance between the feelings jumping to the surface.

“I’ve been a dick.”

“No shit.”

Though the fog of alcohol consumes his apology, his eyes focus on you with clarity. “I’m sorry.”

How long have you waited to hear those words? You never really thought about what you might say in response. His apology sits in the air between you for a moment before he speaks again.

“I’m really sorry. Namjoon is right. I am trying to be less of an asshole to you. We don’t…” he catches himself, “I don’t have a lot of close friends who are women.”

“You don’t say.”

That seems to cut through the fog. He hangs his head and focuses his gaze on the table.

“I never wanted to hurt your feelings.”

“Well, you did,” you mumble.

“I know... I’m sorry.” It’s like now that he’s said it once, he can’t stop saying it. He’s not sure how to make you understand. Maybe you do understand and you just won’t forgive him. Can he really blame you for that?

“Why?” you question; it’s the last barrier protecting your heart, the only thing keeping you from caving. “Why do you care now?”

Jungkook’s head lolls to one side as he sits back against his seat and stares at the nearly empty bottle of saké. “I don’t know. I guess I was thinking… I wish I had a save to reload. Before I messed up.”

It seems that’s the best you’re going to get out of him right now. The waitress sets down a beautiful platter of banana tempura meticulously arranged around a simple mound of ice cream, topped with a single cherry and drizzled with decorative chocolate. She places three waters on the table and you both take a moment to politely force smiles and pause your conversation.

He licks his lips and stares down at the plate and then back up at you. “Can we start over?”

“Depends. Are you gonna go back to being a dick when you’re not drunk anymore?”

“No, no. I mean it. I wanna try to be friends.”

“For real?” You swipe the cherry, pop it in your mouth and tilt your head to regard him. You can’t let yourself fully believe him. You want to. The earnestness in his drunken features charms you, but you hold onto a shred of disbelief as a crutch. You’ll wait for the moment he reverts. Hopefully this time you’ll be prepared for the whiplash that comes along with it.

“For real.”

You reflect on his apology as the pair of you dig into the dessert. “Maybe. Prove it.”

He perks up. He’ll take a maybe. Maybe means the damage he’s done might not be irreparable. The guilt weighing on his conscience feels lighter. It’s a start.

“I will. I’ll find some way to make it up to you.”

You roll your eyes, unwilling to put stock in his words. “Is this another bet with Hobi? About how quickly you can make me forgive you?”

Jungkook shakes his head furiously, wisps of wild black hair whipping his cheeks. “No, I mean it. I promise.”

You drag your lip through your teeth as you teeter on the line of acceptance. “What is a promise from a liar worth?”

He drops the flat of his palm to the table and he pouts. “Hey. I mean it…. Hm. If I break my promise…” His eyes scan the table for anything he can use to change your mind. He looks at his arm pressed against the table and then back at you. “You can choose my next tattoo.”

Your eyebrows rise into your hairline. “Really.”

He eagerly nods. “I’ll get whatever you want wherever you want. Just. Not my face.”

“I want that in writing,” you snort.

Jungkook glances around the table and pulls a napkin from under the plate of tempura. “Do you have a pen?”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to—”

“I’m serious.” He’s not taking no for an answer.

You shake your head and rummage through your purse to supply him with a pen. He smooths out the napkin he’s chosen to use as a conduit for his promise. When he’s finished writing he slides it towards you.

Princess

I’m sorry. I can make it right.

I promise. Please give me another chance.

If I blow it you can choose what & where my next tattoo goes.

As long as it’s not my face. Let’s be friends? #promise.com ♡ Jungkook

Of course he signed it with a heart. Despite his inebriation, his handwriting is still neat. Well, that’s one hell of a promise.

“Okay.” You fold the note and drop it into your purse. “We can try.”

His face lights up as he stuffs a piece of tempura into his mouth, happily chomping with his mouth wide open. He reaches for the saké but you slide a water in front of him instead.

“Friends don’t let friends get totally shitfaced at Hajime.”

He frowns at you but seems to accept your answer with a pout.

“Speaking of which… Where is Namjoon?” You crane your neck to look around the restaurant.

“Friday noodle nights common for you guys?” Jungkook asks, digging into the dessert between massive gulps of water.

“No, not really. We’re usually watching movies at my place or hanging with Hobi. But Namjoon wanted to take me out because I was sad,” you say, finally catching sight of your friend on the other side of the bar.

Jungkook’s chewing slows and he regards you with furrowed brows. “Sad?”

Before you can decide how you want to answer, Namjoon is scooting into the booth next to Jungkook and reaching for a piece of tempura. “Mmmm. What did I miss?”

“Y/N was telling me why she’s sad.”

Namjoon nods like he understands exactly what you’ve been talking about. “He’s a dick, right? Like how do you even stand someone up, not once, but twice? Makes no sense.”

“Joonie—”

“And I know what you’re gonna say, but I disagree. It has nothing to do with you or how you look, Y/N. You don’t need to workout like a maniac to try to change anything. Especially not for someone like Jason. I can’t even imagine—”

“Joon.” You click your tongue and slide a glass of water in front of him. “Please, shut the fuck up.”

As you glare at him, he looks at you with raised brows and wide eyes. Unsure what to do now that he’s obviously fubared the conversation, he casts his guilty gaze to his cup and brings it to his lips.

Jungkook stares at you with furrowed brows, trying to wait to let you fill in the blanks even though he’s itching to ask about everything. He picks another piece of tempura and stuffs it into his mouth, but when you remain silent the impulse to pry takes over. “Jason?”

“He stood me up…” you start, but you close your mouth when you realize you’re going to try to defend him. Your throat feels full, like you can’t get enough air through with a giant knot in it like this. You have to whisper so your voice doesn’t crack. “Twice.”

The couple drinking at the table nearby becomes a much more interesting place to rest your eyes than the two men across from you. Tightening your jaw doesn’t prevent the gloss from coating your eyes. Thinking about it makes you feel so stupid and desperate. Bending over backwards a thousand different ways to accommodate him couldn’t convince him to put in even a minimal amount of effort one time.

Jungkook’s eyebrows shoot up in genuine surprise. “Twice?”

The hurt you feel in your chest scorches your cheeks until anger is filling your head like a teakettle ready to release an unhealthy amount of steam right in Jungkook’s face.

“That’s what I get for giving people second chances,” you snap as you focus back on him.

Joon says your name like it’s a warning but you don’t need it. You feel guilty enough for projecting your anger onto Jungkook with a petty one-liner.

“Sorry. It’s not your fault. I just…” Your throat closes around the rest of the words.

Before an uncomfortable silence can settle over the table, Namjoon inches the bottle of saké with his fingertips until it’s in front of him. “Dating is tricky. Jason sucks. It sucks that he hurt you. But you don’t have to twist yourself into whatever you think he wants anymore. And that…” He pours the pitiful remainder of alcohol into a shot glass and slides it towards you.“...is worth celebrating.”

Jungkook silently nods his head in agreement. It’s obvious you’re on the verge of tears and he doesn’t want to be the thing that pushes you over the edge.

A soft smile curls the corners of your mouth. “That’s true, but…” you slide the glass back towards him and steal the last of the banana tempura. “I can celebrate back at my apartment. Finish your water so you’ll be awake enough to join me. Both of you.”

Jungkook perks up and happily reaches for his water while Namjoon gives you a proud, yet confused look. It seems like a new start to something. What that is remains to be seen.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Jungkook watches intently as the colors of the city shine through the windows. He runs his fingers over the soft blanket you keep in the backseat, mouthing the words to the song softly playing from your dashboard. Namjoon has been talking nonstop from the passenger seat, which is fine with Jungkook since he’s feeling a little tired. The last session of the day was a bit more intense than intended, but the client left happy and covered in sweat. A success. But Jungkook is sore and exhausted. Physically and socially.

A sense of relief floods him at the memory of his conversation with you. Things may actually be okay from here. Who would have thought crashing your noodle night with Namjoon could have yielded such results?

His head bobs to the music as his eyes wander across the scenery outside until he grows bored and they drift to the interior of your car. A graduation tassel swings from your rearview mirror as you turn. He follows the movement of the tassel when it swings towards you and his eyes land on your face, or at least what he can see of it from this angle.

You look focused and calm while conversing with Namjoon but your posture is a bit rigid and your hands remain planted on the steering wheel in complete control. There’s something about this candid snapshot of your persona that puts him at ease. Your voice is a soft contrast to Namjoon’s, but equally enthusiastic.

He tilts his head as he leans back in his seat, pulling the blanket over his lap and twisting the fabric around his palm. Your eyes flicker in the rearview mirror, catching his. He gives a tiny wave and rests his head against the cushion, fighting the temptation to close his eyelids for longer than a second. The more he listens to you laugh, the more he finds himself smiling. It’s goofy.

It’s also kind of cute.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Jungkook is surprised when Yoongi answers your knock; he thought he would be asleep. He’s even more surprised when you make yourself at home on his couch and guilt him with a puppy dog pout to make you a drink, and he complies. When Jungkook asks the same, Yoongi tells him there’s beer in the fridge while measuring out the ingredients for your cocktail. The suspicious sour ache of jealousy stabs his gut as he moseys to the fridge but he quickly shakes it off, settling on the floor in front of the tv with a beer in hand.

After a couple hours of drinking, laughing, and playing Jackbox games with the three men, you’re feeling much better about everything. Life is good. Friends are good. Alcohol is very good.

It doesn’t take much to get you drunk. You’re about as much of a lightweight as Hobi and for better or worse everyone has come to know that fact. What’s nice about drinking in Yoongi’s apartment is that you don’t have to walk very far to get home. Things don’t get awkward with the three of them together; it’s actually kind of nice, like a mini Saturday night pregame.

Soon Namjoon and Yoongi are snoring on the couch with a movie playing in the background while you stand in the kitchen with Jungkook. He pours another drink for himself, though he knows it will mostly likely remain unfinished. Tomorrow may bring a massive hangover, but tonight has been surprisingly pleasant. He feels like he’s finally on okay footing with you, maybe even on the road to serious repair. Amazing how well you get along when inhibitions are replaced by inebriation. If that’s what it takes, he’s determined to keep it up.

As he turns his back to place the liquor bottle in the cabinet by the fridge, you swipe a sip of the drink he’s concocted. He spins around in time to see you wrinkle your nose and stick your tongue out.

“Hey, that’s mine!” he pouts.

“Blegh. You can have it. Yuck!” Your face screws up again at the aftertaste.

He drunkenly giggles as he slides the drink closer to him. “What, don’t like sour?”

“Too sour!” You reach for the water bottle Yoongi gave you hours ago and attempt to rinse the puckering sensation from your mouth.

Amused, he tilts his head and watches you take gulp after gulp. He purses his lips and holds back the comment itching to escape, deciding to enjoy a sip of his drink instead. You shimmy out of your hoodie and tie it around your waist and his eyes lazily follow the motion of your arms, noting a slight difference in their musculature. Some errant thought about their shape leads him back to an earlier unaddressed comment that he’s finally comfortable enough to prod you about.

“What kind of workouts are you doing?” he blurts.

Suddenly you feel very exposed. You straighten in your seat and suck in your gut, hyper aware of every imperfection of your body on display to someone so in shape. You immediately begin to fidget with the sleeves of the hoodie you just tied around your waist.

“You don’t have to tell me. I just—” he pauses, exhaling a small breath and looking down at his drink as though he’s wary of continuing the thought.

“No, no it’s fine,” you assure him, too curious to say otherwise. “What is it?”

“When Namjoon said…” he sighs and takes a sip, smacking his lips and licking them before looking back to you. “I thought maybe I can prove myself to you by helping you come up with a plan.”

“You don’t have to do that.” You plant an elbow on the counter and lean on it.

“I want to,” he insists, reaching out for your arm.

His hand is like fire engulfing your skin and your eyelids flutter at the sensation. Instinctively you place a hand over his and rub your thumb anxiously over it. He looks down to where your thumb grazes his knuckles and then back up to your face with a surprised smile.

“Um… Everything,” you say, trying to sound as vague and nonchalant as possible so he doesn’t judge you for your lack of knowledge.

“Like, full body?”

“Uh...” You’ve managed to make a habit of going to his gym a few days a week while successfully avoiding him, but it seems that time is coming to an end. “I… machine.”

“Oh. Like at a gym? Did you join one?” He seems genuinely curious.

“Um, yeah.” Suddenly you pull your hand back when you realize the speed at which your thumb is moving.

“Which one?”

The more you say, the more suspicious you seem, but is saying less any better? Jungkook rests his elbow on the counter and simply looks at you but you don’t look back. A slow smile spreads his lips as the possibility dawns on him.

“Princess… Did you join Iron Kingdom?”

You puff your cheeks and force the air through the tiny opening of your mouth. You don’t offer any sort of confirmation and continue to avoid his gaze.

“And you didn’t tell me?” he playfully prods, drumming his fingers against your forearm.

“I… Yeah,” you admit, your voice small as you stare at the counter. “I didn’t want you to know.

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“I don’t want to give you another thing to make fun of me for.”

“I’m not gonna make fun of you.” When you don’t respond he tugs on your arm. The motion is enough to angle you towards him. “Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.”

“What?” you grumble, staring at your lap even as you face him.

He takes your hands in his and drunkenly waves them around. “Heeeeeeeey. Look at me.”

He pouts until you reluctantly drag your eyes to meet his. “What?”

“Everyone starts somewhere,” he says softly. “Even me.”

The shift in his demeanor catches you off guard and you subconsciously lean forward as you relax. “Well I started with Hwasa, but I was too sore to ask for another session with her.”

He nods sympathetically, clapping his hand over yours. “You should try again.”

You shake your head. “I don’t know. I feel like…”

“Like?” he prods when you let the silence trail for a bit too long.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you sigh. “I feel like I don’t belong there. I look so stupid reading the instructions on the machines. I don’t even think I’m doing it right.”

“What?” He makes a sound between a laugh and a grunt. “There’s nothing wrong with making sure you don’t hurt yourself. Nobody knows how to instantly do things. If they tell you they do, they’re lying.”

“Or they’re Namjoon,” you say with a roll of your eyes, glancing over at your snoring friend.

He smiles and clicks his tongue against his teeth in thought. “I didn’t know what I was doing when I started.”

“Really.”

You’re skeptical. It’s always seemed like he was born in a gym. Or maybe hatched. He’s kind of inhumanly gorgeous. Maybe he sprouted from a flower like a mythical god.

“For real. First time doing squats. I think it was gym class? Yeah, I was like twelve or thirteen. I was… not very athletic. Didn’t play sports or anything. Kind of shy. Didn’t really have a lot of friends either…”

The way he trails off makes your heart hurt. Puberty isn’t nice to most people. It’s hard to imagine a world where someone like Jungkook isn’t instantly popular and naturally fit. While you’re not exactly the same person you were at twelve, a lot of your interests and personality quirks have remained the same. You’re still painfully awkward at times. How did he manage to overcome something like that? Is it not ingrained in him like it is you?

“Just a big dork, you know?” He laughs. “I see this girl I had a crush on, Amber. She’s looking at me. I think I have to impress her. So I’m stacking up weight and I think I’m hot shit and go too fast. Know what happened?”

“Please don’t tell me you dropped it on your foot or something,” you plead, squeezing his palms at the way he’s building up the story. The secondhand embarrassment is too real.

“I hear a pop.”

“No!” you gasp, bringing your hands to your face as if you can stop the past from happening.

“And pain. So much pain. I don’t remember putting the weights down but I remember ending up on my back, staring up at the ceiling.”

“Oh no. Knees?”

“Worse.” He points down to his crotch. “Pulled a muscle in my groin. Had to sit the rest of the day with an ice pack on my junk. Was not fun. My point is: don’t give up. You learn more as you go. Give Hwasa another shot.”

His anecdote gives you pause but you’re desperate to cling to the comfort of your anxiety. “My free trial with her is almost up and I don’t think I’ll be able to afford to keep at it.”

“More excuses,” he teases, taking a sip of his drink. “At this point I should just—” His eyes widen, a lightbulb practically forming above his head as he puts his cup down. “I’ll be your personal trainer!”

“Uhh…”

“No, no. It’s perfect. We’re friends now.” He smiles, proud of himself for finding a way to prove himself to you. “I can teach you everything you need to know about working out. I can set up a plan for you and figure out the best way to help you achieve your goals. Oh, man we’re gonna have to figure out your goals. What do you—”

“Hold on. Hold on,” you interrupt with a nervous laugh. “You’re missing the part where I still can’t afford it.”

He rolls his eyes and grabs your glass, holding it under the sink to refill it. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll cover it.”

You’re stunned into silence as you observe the expanse of his back, searching the black fabric of his t-shirt for the definition of his muscles. He sets the cup in front of you, waiting for your agreement. When it doesn’t come, he second guesses himself. Did he overstep?

“I mean if you’re okay with that. Would-would you want to do that?”

The innocent drunken sparkle in his eyes makes your stomach do a flip. When you woke up this morning you hardly thought the day would include getting sloshed with Jungkook and having him offer to take you on as a fitness trainee. It’s like he’s opened himself up just enough for you to see the soft mess beneath. You like it. You like it a lot and you kind of hate yourself for it. While you don’t know if you can trust him past the evening, you find yourself hoping you can.

“You won’t make fun of me?” you ask timidly before bringing the cup of water to your lips.

“It’s my job not to make fun of you. We start where you’re at and go from there. And like I said, I’ll cover the fees for as long as you want. No pressure.” He smiles at you. “What do you think?”

“...Okay,” you murmur with a nod of your head. “If you’re serious, then I’m… I’m in!”

His lips part to expose his teeth as his grin spreads. “Yes!”

As he brings his hand up in a sign of victory, his knuckles knock against his glass. You reach for the cup with impaired reflexes, hands fumbling over the slippery surface in conjunction with his. The sour contents spill across the counter as the pair of you struggle to right the glass. While he’s quicker at getting the glass upright, your brain is faster at processing what to do next and you already have a paper towel in hand, wiping up the liquid as fast as possible.

Your eyes follow the spill to the edge of the counter where it’s flooded over the side. Acting on instinct rather than rational thought, you quickly press down where the liquid has begun to pool in his lap. As you fold the paper towel over, you rub frantically as if the action will keep the stain from setting into the fabric. He shifts in his seat and squeaks out a sound so small that you can’t actually tell whether it came from him or the chair.

It only dawns on you how inappropriate your actions are when you glance towards his face and find his wide eyes gazing back at you. His cheeks, already flushed from inebriation, seem twice as vivid and his mouth is parted slightly as though he means to speak, but he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t want to embarrass you, but it’s too late for that.

Your palm stills against his crotch as the shape beneath becomes clear in your mind. For a second you’re frozen, but your lips work quickly to mumble an apology. It feels like an eternity before you will your drunken fingers to release the paper towel. The clearing of Jungkook’s throat is followed by a tiny giggle, then a full on snort. A grin spreads across your lips and you soon follow him into a fit of laughter. You thank the universe for the small mercy of being drunk enough to push your embarrassment to the side for the time being.

“I wasn’t thinking!” you wheeze, tears in your eyes from laughing so hard. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’ll dry.” He laughs, dabbing his pants and shirt in the absence of your hand. As he stands he pulls the hem of his shirt away from his torso and looks down at it. “Really. It’s my fault I’m so…”

“Sticky?” You quirk an eyebrow at him, a blatant flirtatious action thinly disguised as a joke as you eye the blot of liquor staining the lower half of his shirt.

Both of his eyebrows raise and a mischievous smile curls the corner of his lips. “...Wet.”

You consider his answer with a pleased hum and turn back to the counter to polish off the last of your water. You’re friends now, right? It can’t be that easy. But it kind of is. So what’s wrong with a little harmless flirting between friends?

Drunk brain, who happens to be a notorious hoe, assures you it’s great. Rational brain might disagree, but she’s taking a well-deserved nap. You’ve at least had a good night. You’re not sure it matters at this point who is giving you the attention you crave. It feels good. So good, in fact, you’re sure you can indulge drunk brain a little more.

You’re drawn to the inky shapes swirling around Jungkook’s bicep as he wipes the counter down. Every time your eyes begin to focus on an object marking his skin with some kind of meaning, he moves and you lose it. It’s brush strokes, isn’t it? You’ve definitely seen a paintbrush and mountains and a knife surrounded by roses. A swathe of grey and purple connects to each one you’ve seen, but you know there are more.

Before you can blurt that you’re dying to know how many he has and how bad it hurt to get them, he turns toward the sink and begins to work his t-shirt up his torso. You watch in awe as the toned muscles of his back are exposed. The image of the bright phoenix does little to hide their definition.

Trying to will yourself to look away is of no use; he’s hot and you’re drunk enough to acknowledge that fact. Of course he peeks at you just as the shirt slips over his head to find you open-mouthed and dazed, ogling him as though there isn’t any shame in the world that could pull your gaze from him. He turns to the fridge to give you a moment to compose yourself, nabbing a water bottle from the shelf in the process. You’re clearly not ready for the way he quickly spins on the balls of his feet to face you.

Y/N.exe has stopped working.

Your fingers hang in the air suspiciously until you lazily drop them. But Jungkook dons a toothy grin and has the audacity to look shy. He mockingly shields his chest from you with the shirt clutched in his hands.

“Princess! Are you… checking me out?”

Somehow you don’t let the fire in your face turn your brain to ash.“Pfft, no.”

“What’re you doing, then?” he teases with a laugh as he sits, scooting his chair closer to yours.

“Counting,” you reply simply, brow furrowed in concentration. To drive the point home, you poke at his flesh everywhere you can make out an object drawn into its surface.

“How many?” he wonders, watching with cloudy, amused eyes.

“Mmm…” You trail your finger down his arm and back up, following the curve of the brushstroke around his shoulder. “Can’t tell if this counts as one.”

He shrugs and rests his head on his palm as he leans against the counter. “What do you think?”

You hesitate when he quickly quirks a brow.

“I think… A lot.”

“Definitely accurate,” he says with a grin.

Awkward laughter steers the pair of you towards your waters. The TV in the background provides enough noise to steal your focus; you’re grateful for the distraction from the attractive man beside you. Drunk brain is telling you to touch him again, to grab his hand, to feel the touch of someone just for the night, to ruin every good thing this night has started to rebuild between you. Anything to stave off the emptiness of your bed, the 2AM thoughts of failure, and the drunken desperation to find someone, anyone, who will fall in love with whatever image you happen to project on your dating profile.

Heart pounding wildly in your chest and blood rushing through your ears, your fingertips tap against the countertop as they inch closer to where his arm rests. Luckily your futile attempts at nonchalance go unnoticed. Jungkook anxiously turns his water bottle over in his hands, trying to gather words in his brain before freeing them from his mouth.

“So…” he begins.

You jump at the sudden sound and retract your hand while he’s not paying you any mind.

“I was thinking. About that guy…”

You wish you could at least pretend you don’t know who he’s talking about. You’ve vented plenty tonight, but still your heart sinks. Deleting Jason’s digital footprint from your life was simple and quick, but the feelings of rejection and disappointment that swirl in the back of your mind spill forward the longer his pause continues.

“I know this probably means nothing coming from me. But I just— I know you liked him, but you can do better.“

Your posture stiffens at his reassurance and you find yourself grateful he’s not looking at you. Do you deserve better?

“You deserve better,” he affirms, as if somehow aware of your internal struggle.

“Thanks,” you murmur with a distinct lack of enthusiasm as you stare down your glass.

It's cry hours, isn’t it?

Realizing you don’t believe him, he takes a deep breath and nudges you with his elbow. “Hey.”

“What.” You refuse to look up because you know you’re on the verge of an irrational stream of tears over some guy you hardly knew. It’s stupid and you know it. But the wet warmth coating your eyes tells you it’s coming regardless.

“I’m... sorry that you don’t feel like you do. Some people can’t get over the weight of their own shit. But that doesn’t mean it’s on you to pick it up for them. If they can’t even bother to carry themselves to meet you halfway, then they’re not worth the effort.”

It’s a perfect time for your heart to seize up and it takes the opportunity to do so. The advice he offers doesn’t stave off the tears, but it resonates deep within you. Namjoon said something similar. It makes you ache to hear it again from someone else. It just leads you back to the same questions you keep asking yourself. What’s so wrong with you that people don’t even want to try? Is it your personality? Physicality? Is it a lack of confidence? What is it?

‘I can’t even get a shitty guy to like me. Maybe I’m the one not worth the effort.’ You don’t dare say those words out loud. Pity isn’t something you’re looking for. A warm body to fill your bed maybe, but not pity.

“Sounds easy when you say it like that,” you murmur, trying in vain to will the tears not to fall. You’re quick to swipe at them and force a smile. “I guess I have trouble giving up on people. It’s not that I’m naive. I try to be realistic. But no matter how many times I get fucked over I just... hope for the best in people. I can’t help it.”

He pats your arm reassuringly. “That’s why you deserve better.”

If only it was as simple as hearing those words and magically being able to believe it. A big chunk of your confidence has crumbled away and there’s no clear path to restoration. As the warmth of his palm comes to rest against your arm, you place your hand over his and squeeze.

“I don’t know if I believe it,” you pause and thoughtfully add, “but thanks for saying it.”

His eyebrows raise in surprise and he offers a tiny, “You’re welcome.”

A shaky chuckle passes your lips. All of his features seem to soften the more you look at them. Maybe it’s the drunken gloss coating his big brown eyes or the way his lips slightly part as he looks back at you. The tightly coiled nerves in your belly urge you to unravel.

Although it's a subtle gesture, he licks his lips as he smiles and it practically seals your fate. If you don't leave now you're bound to do something you'll regret.

"It's late. I should sleep."

Or masturbate.

The speed at which you launch yourself from the seat is unpleasant. You're not sure what's worse: the dizzying vertigo or waves nausea sloshing in your gut. Jungkook's reflexes may be delayed but he's a steady mass of muscle the moment you reach out to steady yourself.

"Whoa. You okay?"

"Maybe," you mumble, finding yourself drawn to the heat radiating from his skin. Instead of walking away, slump down to rest your cheek against his shoulder and sling an arm around him. You might be drunker than you thought. "I don't know."

"Hmm. What do you need, princess?"

"Just wanna stop spinning."

His stance shifts to better accommodate the additional weight you press against him.

"How about you take over Yoongi's bed tonight," he suggests softly. "He's passed out anyway."

"No, I should go home." You peel your cheek from the warmth of his skin.

“You gonna make it there?”

“Yes,” you say indignantly. The world may be a bit wobbly right now, but you’re certain you can handle the short stroll down the hall.

"Okay.” He smiles, loosening his hold. As you step back your foot catches on the leg of the chair and it drags loudly against the floor.

Despite Jungkook’s attempt to keep you standing by grabbing at your arms, he loses his balance and he drops to his knees. The chair clatters to the floor before your ass does. Luckily his grip keeps your back and head far from impact, but you’re too cramped to be comfortable.

“Are you okay?” he asks. Those big, dark doe eyes of his are frozen in fear and a frown adorns his face. He looks so serious it’s ridiculous.

You can’t help but laugh, wiggling backwards to make space between his body and the heat steadily building between your legs. “I’m fine. Stop making that face.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” He sits back on his feet and tilts his head to the side in confusion.

He breaks into a fit of giggles when you dramatically mimic his expression. You roll back onto your elbows, making another ridiculous face to further mock him.

“No, no. It’s more like…” Jungkook takes the opportunity to lean over you, reaching with one hand to squeeze your cheeks to pucker your lips. You blow a disjointed raspberry at him before pulling his hand off to the side.

While the clamor of the fallen chair did nothing to rouse the men on the couch, the sound of Jungkook’s hearty laughter is loud enough to disturb the rhythmic snores of Namjoon.

Jungkook sits back on his heels and peeks over the countertop. He seems miles away, even as you sit up and scoot in to bring yourself closer. Laughter fades into a quiet hum as Namjoon’s snoring resumes.

You're lost in the abyss of his gaze as he turns his head to look back at you. All that remains in your brain at this point is a foggy desire to tug on the silky spirals of his ebony hair until he presses himself against you one more time.

Your hand settles for following the curves of his bicep instead, wondering how it might feel to be wrapped within his embrace. Some might say liquor makes you bold and stupid, and they're right. They should say it. But it also makes you feel invincible, like a goddamn glowing Mario star power-up.

"Princess?"

Enraptured, his eyes follow the motion of your hand as it slithers around his arm and squeezes. Unable to ignore the prompt, he answers with a flex against your palm. His ego swells when you shiver and noticeably hold your breath.

You know it's a mistake. You know it goes against all of your sober judgement, but you find yourself doing it anyway. It doesn't matter that you still harbor a grudge that holds your heart hostage. Drunk hoe vibes are taking the wheel. You’re tired, drunk as hell, and just want to feel wanted. And he's here.

Every fiber of your inebriated being is singing in unison: Why the fuck not?

Heartbeat pounding against your eardrums, you attempt to gauge his reaction as you lean towards him. It's hard to tell from beneath half-lidded eyes, but you think he's leaning towards you too. If he isn't you suppose you can always play it off like you're just a mess. It's not far from the truth. Focusing on the tiny freckle below his lip, you allow yourself to finally close your eyes and go for it.

But the universe isn’t here for your dumb boozy bitch mistakes.

The front door swings open with the sound of jingling keys dropping to the floor. It snaps you back to reality and you freeze, realizing there's no defense that will save you. Jungkook is quick to disengage, poking his head above the counter to acknowledge Hoseok’s presence with a wave. But his friend is completely enamored with the company he’s ushering towards his bedroom.

“Yeah, baby? How bad?” Hoseok whispers to the giggling girl wrapped around his arm.

He pins the stranger against the door to drag his tongue across her neck. Their bodies move rhythmically in a slow grind, a precursor for what’s likely to come. Jungkook purses his lips. How long until one of them notices him watching? It’s not until the girl moans Hoseok’s name softly that Jungkook spares a panicked look towards you.

Oh shit.

You gesture for him to get down before he draws their attention. The last thing you want to explain is why you’re on your knees in Hoseok’s kitchen with a very shirtless Jungkook standing close by. He obliges your silent request, squatting down beside you.

“Feel how hard you made me?” Hobi chuckles quietly.

The girl giggles, her voice growing closer. “You gonna fuck me right here or what?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Naughty girl. What if my roommate wakes up? Looks like he has a friend over too. You really want them to see what a dirty slut you are?”

You can hear her giggle as he directs her where to go, failing to keep his voice down so you hear every filthy thing he says after. Your hands fly to cover your mouth. Is your skin made of lava? You want to blame it on the close proximity to Jungkook, but the only thing you can imagine is Hoseok’s dick and the eager mystery woman about to be impaled by it. Can you scrub your brain of this memory? How are you supposed to look at him after this?

Jungkook watches your face carefully, trying his hardest not to laugh. Your eyes look so big he’s pretty sure they could roll out of your skull any second. Are you really so innocent? The way you cover your mouth says you are, but maybe it’s just the shock. Maybe you’re just trying to not laugh. Or scream. Or breathe? It kind of looks like you might pass out.

Are you gonna make it, princess? he wonders.

Once you hear Hoseok's bedroom door close, you fuss your hands over your hair and scramble to your feet, releasing a big exhale. The hushed words fall from your lips while you scurry away like a timid mouse. "I should go."

Despite being too far to make contact, he reaches out as you round the counter. "Wait—"

As soon as the word leaves his mouth he struggles to come up with the rest of his statement. There’s no reason to keep you here, except to maybe laugh a little about what just happened to smooth over any second-hand embarrassment. So why doesn’t he want you to go?

He swallows down the blank space caught in his throat and searches every last crevice of his brain for something of import to say. Guilt weighs his gut down, though there isn’t a clear cause. He’s probably screwed something up again without realizing it.

“Thanks for giving me another shot,” he says softly.

You breathe a sigh of relief and offer a tiny smile as you half turn, your hand already on the door handle. “Don’t blow it.”

He nods with a smile. “I won’t. Goodnight.”

“‘Night,” you mumble.

As soon as the door is closed you practically sprint down the hall to lock yourself within your apartment. Maybe it will also lock out all the mistakes your brain has made tonight.

The world feels colder now that you’re not pressed against the human-shaped heater that is Jeon Jungkook. Thinking about him makes your heart swell and ache at the same time. Regardless of how badly you wish you'd asked him to bed, you know loneliness is fleeting and guilt would be a far worse feeling to be saddled with.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Jungkook picks up the fallen chair, finding your soft, worn hoodie draped over it. Rubbing a thumb over the material, he considers running it back to you, but he can't remember which door is yours. It's not like he's been here often enough to know. Instead he slips his arms through the sleeves before flipping the hood over his head.

He settles on the floor in the space he previously claimed for the night, pulling a blanket out from under Yoongi's ass. Yoongi rolls his head up, a scowl on his features though his eyes remain closed. He grumbles but lies down, facing the couch.

Jungkook regards his friend for a moment before deciding to drape the blanket over him instead of claiming it for himself. Jungkook rolls onto his side and fluffs the throw pillow under his head. As he watches the credits roll on the TV, he nuzzles into your sweater.

He closes his eyes, thinking of you. He knows he shouldn't linger on the little occurrences of the night, especially with how foggy his brain is. He can't trust anything about his memory.

Still he thinks of the way your fingers trailed along his arm and curled tightly around his bicep. He lets himself dwell on the tiny sound you made, the involuntary tremble of your body, and the subsequent hitch in your breath.

He smiles and inhales the subtle scent you've left behind. A new spark of adrenaline fans flames that inflate his ego, spreading warmth from his stomach up into his chest. The world may wobble around him right now, but the little magical warmth within his gut helps him comfortably drift off to dreamland like he's the world's most immovable object.

#smutcentralnet #jungkook smut #jungkook fic #bts fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook x you #bts fluff #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic

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backtothefanfiction · 3 years

Text

WHAT BENNY DOESN’T KNOW | Chapter 5

A TRIPLE FRONTIER STORY

Summary: One good night out turns into a two month affair.

Warnings: Mature 18+ ONLY!! Drug use, relationship abuse, mental manipulation, drinking, cheating, angst, language, smut, praise, fingering, slightly rough sex, squirting, unprotected sex (you know the phrase kids...).

Word Count: 6335

A/N- This is a heavy chapter so I have done a longer authors note here. Please read before continuing if you haven’t already read it. Events in this chapter take place 11 months before Italy and a couple weeks after Will’s chapter.

PART FIVE| 11 MONTHS AGO

'Hey Will said you were back. Want to go grab a drink tonight?'

'Yea, sure. Who else is gonna be there?'

'No one else, unless you want to invite others. I kinda just wanted to spend some time with you and catch up.'

'Okay, sounds good to me.'

Frankie had run into Will as he was coming out of a bar earlier that afternoon. He was grateful that Will hadn't notice him coming out through the doors of the establishment, allowing him the chance to pretend like he was just in the neighbourhood; and the fact they had run into each other outside a bar was just coincidence. When Will had casually dropped into conversation that you were home and that he had seen you, that had triggered something in Frankie. Whether it was just his slightly drugged up and alcohol riddled mind or something else, Frankie couldn't tell, but he knew he couldn't get you out of his head.

Frankie had always had a thing for you, ever since Benny first brought you home with him after your last tour together and introduced you to everyone. You were gorgeous, deadly and had a wicked sense of humour, you were everything he wanted in a woman and that's why he had been absolutely terrified to make a move. As time went on and you found your place amongst the group, Frankie came to appreciate how lucky he was just to have you in his life and as a friend and as time moved on further still, it became clear to him that he'd completely missed his chance.

He had started dating Laura just over a year ago now. She was nice, pretty, sassy. She reminded him of a slightly watered down version of you and believing he had fully missed his chance with you and would never get the real you, he figured he could do a lot worse than settling for Laura.

Around month nine of the relationship Frankie started to recognise he wasn't happy. He soon found himself relapsing into old habits he'd fallen into after he'd first come home for good and the PTSD had settled in. It started off as sneaking a bump off someone in the bathroom of a bar one night when they had gone out for drinks with some of Laura's friends. Just a little something to get him through the rest of the evening. A couple of days later it had happened again. It was only when Frankie had dug out his old burner phone from a lock box in the garage and contacted his old dealer, did he realise he was no longer in control anymore, but he didn't care. That's how he had ended up drunk texting you at half past three on a Tuesday afternoon asking you to go out with him for the evening so he didn't have to be at home with 'her'.

---------------------------

“Hey.” you said getting up from the booth you had commandeered as you waited for him to arrive.

“Hey.” he grinned as he wrapped you up into his arms, his head burying into your hair. It was so soft and smelt amazing, like coming home. “You been waiting here long?” he asked as he reluctantly pulled away from you, both of you sitting yourselves back in the booth. Frankie had taken a moment longer than he should have to get out of his truck when he had first arrived, prioritising snorting another line of coke up his nose off his dashboard, instead of coming straight in to you. A slight panic fogged his brain as he feared he'd taken longer than he had and made you wait ages for him.

“Nah, I only got here like 5 minutes ago or something like that.” You confessed and Frankie relaxed a bit. “Do you want me to go get the first round?” you asked, pointing towards the bar.

“No, its alright, I'll get it.” Frankie said hopping up from the seat. “What do you want?”

“I'll just take a beer.” you replied. You really were a girl after his own heart.

Frankie came back with two bottles of beer a few minutes later, handing one over to you as he tried to manoeuvre himself back into the booth without using his hands. “So when did you get back?” he asked casually, a typical conversation starter.

“Nearly two weeks ago.” you said, taking a sip of your beer.

“Where did you go again?” Frankie asked, his memory of where you'd been the last 6 months hazy.

“Colombia.” you said.

“Ahh, te dio la oportunidad de trabajar en tu español.” Ahh, gave you an opportunity to work on your Spanish.

“Cállate, mi español es muy bueno. Después de todo, aprendí de los mejores.” Shut up, my Spanish is great. I did learn from the best after all, you said stroking his ego and making him blush slightly.

“So what were you doing down there?”

You looked down at your bottle, unable to meet his eyes. “A whole load of stuff that, probably wasn't very legal.” you said, giving him as vague an answer as you possibly could. You looked up, expecting him to have a judgemental look on his face, but instead you were met with one of sympathy. You'd all landed yourselves in some form of shit or another since leaving active service and Frankie was the last person who could pass judgement.

You sat there for almost an hour just talking, drinking your first beers slowly. “You want another one?” Frankie asked, motioning to the empty bottle in your hands that you were now peeling the label off of.

“Yeah, sure.” you said with a smile. You looked to your left to find the pool table had also just become free. “Do you want a game?” you said motioning to the table where the last occupants were throwing the cues on top of it.

“Yeah sure. I'll go get the beers, you go rack ‘em up.” he said, hopping out of the booth with a smile.

You made your way over to the pool table, reaching your hand into the pocket of your jeans, searching for loose change. You took the quarters out, slotting them into the machine. The balls dropped like thunder as they were released, rolling towards the end of the table so you could pull them out the hole in the side. You rolled the discarded pool cues to the side of the table as you reached for the triangle, placing it on the top near you. You bent down to pull out the balls, dropping them blindly inside the triangle above your head. When you had pulled out the last one you stood and was met with Frankie's still smiling face making his way back over to you.

He handed you the beer and you took a sip before placing it on the edge of the table so you could use both your hands to pick out the balls, moving them into their correct spots within the triangle, then sliding them all into place. “Who's going first?” you asked Frankie who had put the pool cues that had been on the table, back into the rack on the wall, choosing his own to play with in the process.

“Well that depends, you get any better at breaking.” you screwed up your mouth at the cheap shot he'd just taken. You were a decent pool player but you were awful at getting the game started.

“Fine Morales, looks like you're going first.”

“Thank you.” he said, jokingly tipping his head at you as he put himself in position at the end of the table.

There was a loud crack as Frankie hit the triangle, the balls bouncing off each other in different directions. You winced in disbelief as he managed to pot two balls with just one shot. He flashed his eyebrows at you, showing off. “You know I think that was one of each.” you taunted him, bringing him back to earth. “You can only chose one, what's it gonna be?”

“Just because I know how much you love playing stripes...” he said leaving the sentence open with a shrug before moving himself around the table to pot one of the solid coloured balls. For a moment, both of you watched eagerly expecting it to go in, but it leaned to the right at the last second and bounced back, away from the hole.

You took a quick sip of your beer before placing it back on the side. “Ready to see how it's done.” you teased, dancing around the table sizing up your first shot. You started out with an easy shot, potting it with not much trouble. Frankie gave you a small nod of acknowledgment before you began circling the table again, working out your next move. You saw it near the corner. You lined up your shot and... clunk, you sank another ball into the hole.

You stood back from the table grinning as you looked over to him, ready to taunt. “That's two.” you said, a faint giggle at the end of the sentence. You danced around the table again looking for the next one. You decided to try your luck but ultimately missed.

“Hey, you can’t get them all in one go.” he said, pushing himself off the wall where he had been leaning. He handed you his beer to hold as he took his go. He fumbled his shot and you were soon handing his drink back to him to take your next go.

It had ended up being a quick game. You had won, easily potting ball after ball, much to Frankie's amazement. “Okay, you had to have been cheating. I want a rematch.” Frankie said, playfully challenging you.

“I mean, I am more than happy to give you one... then beat your ass again and then again and again.” you laughed.

“Okay, okay, I get it. Just rack 'em up again. I gotta go to the restroom.” he said backing away towards the door to the toilets.

When Frankie came back from the toilet he carried himself differently. He seemed both a little bit shinier but also spacey. It was a look you had recognised in people around you many times and had even, on occasion, experienced yourself. You had experimented with drugs a few times over the years, sometimes to keep your cover when trying to get intelligence out of a contact, other times just because it was a night out and you wanted to let your hair down. You never made a habit of it though. You never would have pegged Frankie of making a habit of it either, but it was becoming clearer and clearer to you, as you thought back on his behaviour at the start of the night, that it was.

“Hey, you ready?” he said as he picked his pool cue back up, snapping you away from your internal monologue. 'He's a grown man, he knows what he's doing' you berated yourself, shrugging off his actions. “You wanna break this time?” he asked you, raising his eyebrows encouragingly.

You pulled a face of discomfort. “Uhh.”

“Come on, I'll help you. You'll never get better if you don't practice.”

“Fine.” you said rolling your eyes, your footsteps falling heavier, stomping, mocking a stroppy teenager. He laughed.

“Come here.” He said ushering you to the table and taking a stance behind you. “You're problem is you doubt yourself and then get shaky on your follow through.” He said as you leant forward and lined your cue up with the ball. He leaned over with you, one hand on your left arm, helping hold it steady, the other finding a home over your hand on the cue.

He helped guide it back and you relaxed into his touch as you let him manipulate the shot. It was a gentle, yet forceful, nudge of the cue that sent the white ball careening quickly towards the waiting triangle of balls at the other end of the table. You turned back to him, smiling in triumph at the clack of balls as they scattered across the table. That's when you realised how close the two of you were. You couldn't help but look directly into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide, somehow they were both bright and glassy at the same time.

You weren't sure why you were doing it, but you found your fingers reaching for the front pocket of his jeans, hooking just the tips of them in slightly, nudging the bag of blow. His eyes grew panicked as you began to pull the small baggy from his pocket, curling it into your fingers. You bit your lower lip, trying to search his eyes for how he was going to react, if he was going to react. He didn't move. A part of you thought about just getting rid of it, just tossing it out, but you were having a good time with Frankie, he was having a good time with you. You felt safe and it had been so long since you'd had a good night out you thought 'fuck it'.

Neither of you said anything as you began to creep away, bag still firmly scrunched into your fingers. Frankie tried to act casual, attempting to go back to focusing on the game as you snuck off to the toilet. He assumed you had gone to get rid of the coke, he never imagined you'd have some yourself.

You rushed into one of the stalls, quickly assessing how best to go about this. You decided that none of the surfaces were sanitary enough to do this properly. You sighed, half excited, half still berating yourself for stooping to this, as you took a seat on top of the toilet lid. You tucked your hair out of the way before opening up the baggy and tapping only a small amount of the white powder onto the back of your hand. You listened a second, making sure there was no one else in the bathroom with you. Silence. You quickly lifted the back of your hand to your nose, closing off one of the nasal passages and then sucking in all of the powder, with your intake of air, with the other.

You'd forgotten how awful it felt in that first moment, your nose burning. You coughed and continued sniffing as you attempted to clear the passage, waiting for the initial pain and discomfort to subside. It only took a moment for the rush of euphoria to set in. You resealed the bag, then wiped off any remaining remnants on your hands, before tucking the baggy back into your clutched fingers, hiding it, as you left the stall. You quickly checked yourself over in the mirror, self consciously wiping underneath your nose, then fixing any stray hairs.

As you went back out into the bar, the effects of the drug really started to settle in. Everything seemed shinier and brighter, happier. You made your way back over to Frankie who was stood leaning against his pool cue, awaiting your return.

He stared at you intensely, trying to work out what it was that you had done with the drugs. It was only when you came to a stop directly in front of him and he got a look at your eyes did he realised what you'd truly done. He found himself breaking out into a small smile of adoration, impressed by your courageousness, but it carried with it this underlining guilt in the pit of his stomach. That feeling of guilt though was quickly quashed altogether by another feeling as you pressed yourself close to him once again so you could discreetly put the little bag back in his pocket. You gave him a sly smile and that was it. That was the moment Frankie knew he was completely in love with you. You gave him a coy grin before reaching for your pool cue and continuing the game.

Watching the coloured balls dance across the table top when you hit them, felt so much more satisfying now. You didn't even care if you were losing as long as you got to keep watching the balls of colour roll back and forth across the table. You enjoyed your beer and your company, you and Frankie nudging each other and taking any chance possible to touch one another now you were both happy and relaxed. “Come on Morales.” you said as you placed your hands over his shoulders, giving them an over exaggerated massage like he was about to go into a fight. He tried to shrug you off so he could concentrate and sink his last ball. You stopped your movements but didn't take your hands away and both of you froze watching the ball intently as he took the shot. Clunk.

He stood up straight and whirled around, wrapping you in his arms, a big grin on his face. “You know I let you win right?” you teased him.

“Sure you did.” he said placing a kiss on top of your head before leaning back slightly so he could get a better look at your smile, his arm still firmly around your shoulder. He leaned back against the table, his legs spread apart slightly so you could rest between them. You were both smiling content in the embrace, neither one of you wanting to pull away.

Frankie moved his hands to rest against your hips as he began to wrestle with the idea that had just popped into his head. He looked longingly to your lips, wanting to kiss them. Your smile faded as you scanned his face, realising what he was thinking. It was probably only 3 or 4 seconds but it felt so much longer due to the pace at which your next thoughts flooded your head. 'Oh my gosh, are we gonna kiss? What about Laura? Maybe they broke up? Oh I really want to kiss him.' then his lips were on yours and it was like someone had just set off a bunch of fireworks in your brain. Your head felt like it was fizzing and tingling, you couldn't help but smile as you melted into the kiss.

Frankie felt your lips pull tight against his as your smile burst from your lips and it only encouraged his own. He pulled away only briefly so you could both acknowledge how happy you were right then in that moment, but you quickly closed the gap again, practically throwing yourself into him, desperate to feel that tingling feeling in your brain again. At your enthusiasm, Frankie wasted no time deepening the kiss, his hands snaking down to your ass and pulling you tighter to him. This was everything he ever wanted, what he'd dreamed about for years now and it was finally happening. It felt better than he could have ever imagined it to be. Your kisses were powerful and hungry and for a moment you both almost forgot where you were.

Frankie quickly broke the kiss. You were about to protest when he took hold of your hand and started leading you to the door.

Neither of you said anything as he lead you to his truck. He gave you one more quick passionate kiss before opening the passenger side door to you and encouraging you to get in. You happily hopped in before turning back to give him another kiss as he closed the door.

He drove you both back to your place, using his spare key to let you both into the apartment. You had given each of the boys a spare key to your place just in case of emergencies but this was the first time you'd ever seen Frankie use his and it made you happy. The image of it felt so natural to you, like you were both coming home together after a long day.

You didn't have time to revel in the domesticity of it though as Frankie pulled you inside, rapidly closing the door before latching his lips back onto yours. You felt him lift you up into his arms and he carried you to your bedroom.

Your feet dropped back to the floor as you both made it through the doorway, Frankie wasting no time to start undressing you and himself between hungry kisses, both of your tongues fighting to pull each other back together after every break.

When you were both completely naked Frankie wrapped his arms tightly around your middle, lifting you slightly, walking you both towards the bed which you collapsed onto together, Frankie coming to lay on top of you. You reached your hands up into his hair as he covered your naked body with his own. It was only in that moment that you fully realised he hadn't been wearing his trademark hat this evening. You made a mental note of the actions significance and happily kept smiling and giggling into his kisses.

A sudden feeling took over in the pit of your stomach as you watched Frankie's gaze darken, his lust for you taking over at your joyful sounds and the way your naked body moved underneath him. You felt his hands move to your hips and he suddenly flipped you over onto your stomach before guiding your hips up so you were resting on your knees, your ass and pussy on full display for him. “Oh god.” Frankie groaned at the sight. “Hold it there baby, there's something I wanna do.”

You felt him get off the bed and heard him shuffle around on the floor for something. It took you a moment for your brain to realise what he was doing. He was rooting back into his pocket for the cocaine. You thought about saying something but decided not to for fear it would ruin the moment and this would all stop. This was Frankie. You had wanted this for so long and you were willing to put up with anything just to have his love and attention all to yourself.

You felt his hand smooth over your ass, his fingers digging into the flesh, giving it a squeeze before he let go. You shifted your head slightly so you could look back and watch him as he opened the little baggy and began gently patting the powder out of it, leaving a line of it across your right cheek. The dark look in his eyes as he stared at the sight made your knees want to go weak. He could sense the slight tremble within you, “Hold still for me baby.” he said as he took hold of you again, his hands firmly placed either side of your ass, holding you still. You closed your eyes, thinking if you didn't see what was about to happen, maybe you could act like it never did.

It all happened so quickly you didn't even have time to really take it in. Frankie quickly leant down, taking the powder up his nose, his tongue coming out to lick up any remaining powder before he thrust his face between your folds. You let out a startled squeal of pleasure as you felt Frankie's tongue dive straight in, catching you completely off guard. His patchy facial hair tickled your skin and you jerked back further towards his face, Frankie moaning in pleasure at the feeling.

He quickly pulled his mouth away, thrusting two fingers inside you instead, stretching you out and making sure you were ready. His fingers took a moment to explore your heat and you moaned as this thick fingers stroked your inner walls. You let out a groan when he took his fingers out and you were about to lift your head to turn and whine pathetically about it when he suddenly thrust his cock inside you.

“Oh fuck.” you cried out as you attempted to adjust to his size. He leant over you, his arm wrapping around your upper chest, pulling you to your hands. His head nuzzled into your neck, trying to get you to turn your head so he could kiss you. As you began to turn it towards him, his hand that had been holding your chest moved up to grasp your jaw, forcing your lips to his. He felt you clench around him as you reacted to the power move and he gently rolled his hips into you, your back arching, trying to encourage him even deeper.

He began pounding into you rapidly as he straightened himself up again. His grip on your hips was firm, holding you steady, pulling you back into him with every thrust. The feeling was overwhelming and the lingering effects of the cocaine only heightened everything more. “Oh my god baby, you feel so fucking good.” he praised you as your moans of pleasure rang out through the room.

You felt him lean forward again and you turned your head, seeking out his lips once more. “I've wanted this for so fucking long.” he grunted out between kisses. He almost melted when you moaned back into his lips in response to his words. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling your back into his chest again, making his rapid thrusts even deeper. He was hitting a certain spot inside you and it was devastating, your eyes wanting to roll back into your head as you relaxed it against his shoulder.

A feeling began to rise inside you. It felt so overwhelming and rapid you weren't even sure what was happening until it had already happened. Frankie felt your walls pushing back against him and when he thrust back he was forced out of you completely, your release gushing all over his cock and the bed. “Jesus fucking Christ did you just-” he couldn't even say the word. He was so fucking happy and impressed, but he saw the look of surprise on your face. He quickly crashed his lips into yours as he tried to reassure you that what had happened was a good thing. No a great thing. “Fucking do it again for me baby.” he said as he lined himself back up with your entrance and thrusted himself inside you once more.

You couldn't help but cry out, your mouth falling open against his. You felt so sensitive between your legs it didn't take much time at all before Frankie had you squirting again. “That's it, that's my girl. You're so fucking beautiful when you do that baby.” he said as he turned you around to face him. He could tell your eyes were unfocussed, completely blissed out from each devastating orgasm he was pulling from you.

He placed his hands either side of your head, smoothing your hair out of your face as he kissed it. He sat himself back on the bed, trying to avoid the wet patch on the sheets, pulling you to sit on top of him. He held you close as he pulled you back down onto his erection and you relaxed your head against his shoulder as he continued to smooth your hair. He began rocking you gently on top of him, letting you have a small break, both of you enjoying the moment of being close.

When you felt your strength coming back to you, you lifted your head from his shoulder, fixing your lips to his again. He lifted you in his arms, laying you back on the bed. He lifted your legs back, allowing him to push himself deeper inside you as his thrust began to pick up again.

You placed your hands either side of his head, forcing your eyes to focus on one another. “Fuck, you're so fucking beautiful.” he said, his forehead pressing into yours. You're mouth hung open again, your breaths coming out fast inbetween his thrusts, your moans stuttering wordlessly from your lips. He could tell your eyes were starting to become unfocussed again as your next orgasm built inside you.

He placed his hands under your hips, lifting them slightly allowing his thrusts to reach deeper still. The feeling inside you was devastating and your hand reached to rub circles over your clit, encouraging your release to come even faster. Once again Frankie felt himself being forced out from inside you as you once again gushed all over him and the bed, only this time he had a much better view. He was getting so close to his own climax and this only spurred him on even more. He barely gave you a moment to recover before he was thrusting himself back deep inside you.

His thrust were rapid as he chased his own finish and your fingers clawed at his back as you tried to ground yourself. Frankie let out a deep growl as he buried his head into the crook of your neck. His thrusts became sporadic, stuttering as he lifted his head to capture your lips in his own as he finished inside you. He stilled inside you and you relaxed into his arms as you felt every pulse of his cock inside you. It was a feeling that made you feel proud.

You looked up into his eyes. They were ones of complete bliss and adoration. You wanted to tell him you loved him but the words caught in your mouth so you settled for kissing him once more. This time the kiss was tender and not just because you were both exhausted. It said everything you both didn't feel like you could say. A silent acknowledgment of love.

------------------

“Hey where are you going?” you asked him as he climbed from the bed an hour later and began pulling on his clothes.

“I gotta go.” he said as he shrugged on his t-shirt, unable to meet your eyes,

“Oh, okay.” you said, sitting up and curling your knees up to your chest. You watched him silently as your racing thoughts from the bar slowly started coming back to you. They were more prominent now in this post sex quiet. “Frankie.” your voice said tentatively. It was half broken as the reality of the situation set in and an ache began to form in your chest, along with a churning feeling in your stomach. He looked back at you, eyes sorrowful.

Frankie felt like he had just been punched in the gut. He could see the hurt behind your eyes and it killed him. He knew his love for you was so great and he hated that he was hurting you in this moment. He made his way across the room to you, his arms leaning on the bed either side of you as he leant down to kiss you. “I'm gonna make this right, I promise.” he said as you dipped your head away from him. He gave you a tender kiss on your fore head. “I'll text you in the morning.” he said before placing a hand under your chin, encouraging you to lift your head once more so he could give you a final kiss goodbye. You could only watch silently and helplessly from your bed as he turned and walked away. You practically flinched as you heard the front door close behind him, the sound echoing around your quiet apartment, the reality of your actions setting in. What the fuck had you done.

---------------------

True to his word, Frankie had indeed messaged you the following morning. There was no mention of Laura just an 'I really want to see you. Can I come over later.' You had of course said yes and you had both had a repeat of the night before, just this time with pizza and TV. You had wanted him to stay, but you also understood why he couldn't. He promised you he would soon though.

You had both carried on that way, the days turning into weeks. Wild nights turning into wild afternoons, always with the promise that at some point Frankie would break up with Laura and you would be together properly soon.

One week turned into two months and with every passing day your feelings for Frankie were growing stronger and stronger. You didn't care if he hadn't left Laura yet. You didn't care about the drugs, mostly because you could see he was using less and less when he was around you. You could see he was getting better. He was happier and shinier and you knew when he was ready he would end things with her and move in with you.

It was a Saturday evening when he turned up on your doorstep drunk and high and unable to get his key into the lock to let himself in. When you finally opened the door to him there were tears in his eyes. “Frankie?” his name fell from your lips as a question as he stumbled through the door. He made a beeline for your kitchen, searching the cupboards for more alcohol to drink.

You rushed over to him as you saw him pull a half full bottle of whiskey from the cupboard. He didn't even bother to get himself a glass, just started sipping it straight from the bottle. “Frankie, what the fuck is going on?” you asked as you snatched the bottle from his grasp.

“She's pregnant.” he choked out. Your face dropped, complete shock taking over.

“What?” your voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“Laura, she's pregnant.” he said again. His gaze wouldn't lift from a spot on the floor. There was silence between you as you both let the information settle in.

“What are you going to do?” you asked him tentatively.

“I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you.” he said again, finally looking up to meet your eyes.

“No-”

“I don't want to be with her-”

“Frankie she's carrying your kid.”

“I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you.” he said again stepping towards you, his hands outstretched reaching for you. You remained frozen to the spot as his hands rested either side of your face. “I love you. I don't love her, I want to be with you.”

“How long have you know?” you asked him, your voice cold. He was silent. “How long have you known?” you asked him again, your voice rising, becoming desperate.

“About a week.” he finally admitted. You stepped backwards, away from his touch, tears beginning to fall down your cheeks. “Please baby, please-” he began to beg, trying to step forward and close the distance between you again but you kept stepping away, shaking your head in disbelief. “Please, you make me better. I'm better when I'm with you.” You turned away from him, leaving the room in an attempt to get away, panic rising up inside you.

“I'll tell her everything, I'll get help, I promise just please-”

“FRANKIE STOP!” you shouted, rounding on him. He finally fell silent, allowing you a moment to breathe, to think. “I can't do this anymore.” your voice said broken. “If you really loved me, if you were actually going to leave her you would have done it weeks ago when you said you would. If you didn't want to be with her, why were you still sleeping with her, why did you get her pregnant-”

“I don't even remember it.” his voice came back broken and his knees gave way, his back leaning against the open kitchen door. He was sobbing now.

“Frankie, you need help.” you said to him tenderly as you made your way towards him. You sat on the floor beside him, your head leaning on his shoulder. His head slumped against yours in defeat.

“How did I fuck this up so bad?” he asked you. You didn't answer. You didn't need to. “I wish I had a time machine, like that car in that movie, back to the future,,, or that hot tub in that stupid movie Benny made me watch.” he started, his voice calming. “I wish I could go back to when I first met you and tell you how I felt about you. I wish I had told you I loved you the moment I saw you. I wish I'd never let Will or Santiago have the chance to fuck you before I did. Maybe then you would be the one carrying my child right now and not her.”

You let his words hang in the air. You wished more than anything that things could be different right now but they weren't. Frankie had a drug addiction. He had cheated on his girlfriend with you. He had promised you he would leave her but he didn't. Instead he had gotten her pregnant. You had been willing to over look so much for Frankie but for your own sake you couldn't do it anymore. There was a child involved now and there was no way you were gonna hang around and make this situation more difficult for everyone. “I'm gonna go to Italy.” you told him. He looked at you lost.

You had gotten the call that morning. You had been wondering all day whether or not you should take the job but now you saw it as the only option you had. You both needed space. Frankie needed to be there for Laura, for his kid and you couldn't be here as a temptation for him. “My supervisor called this morning about a job in Italy. I think I'm gonna go. I think we both just need some space away from each other to clear our heads.”

“How long?”

“I don't know. Could be a couple of months, could be longer.”

“I love you.” he said again after a moments silence, hoping it would change your mind, hoping it would make you stay.

“Promise me you'll get help Frankie.” was all you said. You were on the next flight to Italy the following morning.

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#triple frontier #triple frontier x reader #what benny doesn’t know #frankie morales #frankie catfish morales #frankie morales x reader #santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #santiago garcia x reader #will miller #william ironhead miller #will miller x reader #benny miller

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Finally, You’re Back

Part 1: ‘There You Are’

Karl Heisenberg (Resident Evil 8: Village) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of Injury and Human Experimentation, Insecurity, Swearing, Spoilers for RE8

Genre: Angst, Romance, Some Humor and Fluff too

Summary: And there they are, back in that village half a decade later to retrieve what’s theirs but unaware of what they’ll find in place of what they remember.

Requested by one Anon and the idea was modified by another Anon, so thank you both so much for sharing your creativity with me, it’s really been a huge honor to write a fic inspired by such a beautiful idea. Love you both! 💕

If again is what he hoped and prayed for, why is he damning it now Why does he resent himself for having hope When he previously wished nothing but to have it Why does their presence hurt When it used to heal him Why do they remind him of how much of a monster he is When previously they were the only one making him human Why is he worthy of their presence When he’s only become worse They upheld their promise But the person they are coming back to is no longer alive He’s taken his place and he hates himself for it He’d kill himself to get him back He’d do just about anything Just to prevent those eyes from seeing them differently Just so he can greet them with open arms and say:

“Finally, you’re back“

But as of now all he can say is:

“You’re back, but the one you’re searching for will never return“

He was made aware of their presence the day of their arrival in the village. He knew all about their venture, going around the village asking for him to be looked at with terror by the villagers they came across. He watched as all the people refused to tell them his whereabouts, claiming they didn’t know or they couldn’t tell. No matter what bribery or convincing method Y/N tried to use, the villagers refused to stand down from their determined ground.

They refused to give up though, going against his prayers that they would. They might have felt discouraged but they never, not even for a second, thought to give it up. Never did they even consider forgetting him as an option. It’s been half a decade and they still remember him, they still have the will to look for him despite all the time that has passed, despite the odds that aren’t in their favor, despite the lack of help from anyone.

They keep going, keep trying. They keep driving the sword deeper into his chest, piercing his heart.

If only they could accept me like this. If only they could look at a monster the same way they looked at that boy they met five years ago...

His mistake, although blatantly obvious even to him, is not something he’s willing to correct. He doesn’t want to give them a chance. And the answer to the question many - even he himself - would ask ‘why’, that answer he doesn’t want revealed.

Because he knows it and would do anything in his power to keep it from swimming to the surface.

The answer? - It’s because he’s afraid. Terrified really.

What of? That’s the part he’s not sure about. Is he afraid of them being scared, disgusted and repulsed by him? Or is he afraid of the complete opposite - that they won’t bat an eye at the change he’s undergone. That latter option leaves him with a bitter taste in his mouth, his stomach turning. He doesn’t believe he deserves that reaction, after all he’s done, after becoming the monster he is now, he’s done his best to not even think about them - attempts that have failed miserably. Not a day has gone by that they haven’t been on his mind. He thought getting rid of the dog tag necklace - the promise - would cleanse his system of their memory that’s etched itself so deeply within his mind and soul but his hands refused to cooperate when his brain kept telling them to lift that necklace off his neck. He couldn’t do it, and he hated himself because of it for a while, but if he’s being honest he felt more relieved than anything else. He doesn’t want the only real memory, the only pleasant memory of his human days gone. He doesn’t want to wipe Y/N from his mind, they’re the only thought that still sends his heartbeat speeding in a positive way. He knows he’s a coward for what he does, hiding in the shadows and watching them waste their time with the villagers who think they are downright insane for going around looking for Karl Heisenberg whom the entire village knows as Lord Heisenberg. Not using his title each time they ask never fails to bring a smile to his face. It’s a relief that they at least have a nice picture of him that has stuck with them. And if it’s up to him, that’s the picture that will remain, they won’t see him like this, this new him won’t replace the old him in their mind. He’d do anything to make sure of it.

That being said, you can imagine the massive shock and mini heart attack he experienced one day when his motion detectors picked up on someone entering the factory in broad daylight. Rushing to the camera display, the briefest glimpse was enough to make out who this foolish person looking for their death was.

Goddammit, Y/N!

It was no longer a danger to his sanity, their presence at the factory was an even worse danger for them. His creations wouldn’t think twice about slicing their tiny frame in half with their implemented chainsaws, designed to do exactly what he’s hoping they won’t get the chance to do this time. Running to the elevator, all he can do is silently pray he reaches them before they come across one of his minions.

What he’s going to say to them? How he’s gonna greet them? He hasn’t got the slightest clue, all he knows is that he has to get to them asap.

Running out of the elevator once it settles on the ground floor, he almost crashes directly into them, eyes wide with shock as the adrenaline is still pumping throughout his body despite the immense amount of relief he feels wash over him. He doesn’t notice at first, but when he does his heart sinks: their gaze is empty and their face unreadable. He can’t bear to have them looking at him like that, it hurts more than physically hitting him. Hell, it hurts more than the experiments Miranda did to him.

“How’d you find me?“ He decides to end the silence for his sanity’s sake, his heart heavy and aching in his chest.

They shrug, “Wasn’t easy, I’ll have to admit, you’ve trained the villagers well, none of em wanted to give me even a clue.“ They give him a small smile before looking around at the factory walls and everything lining them, “And then I put it together on my own. It was a bit of a stretch...“ they trail off, their eyes scanning him from head to toe, “...but I see it was a lucky one.“

He can’t help but huff, more out of disgust for himself than anything else, “If you call this lucky you’ve gotta have a few screws loose.”

Much to his surprise, this remark earns him a genuine, wholehearted laugh from Y/N, “Oh Karl, didn’t you pick up on my loose screws back when we first met? That’s odd, people usually take one look and can already tell.”

He scoffs, letting a small smile slip onto his face before he chases it away, forcing himself to maintain the seriousness, “I can’t believe how foolish you are. Didn’t you, even for a second, think there was maybe a good reason why people didn’t want to give you my whereabouts?”

“Oh I didn’t need to think about it!“ They say, lifting a pointer finger in the air as if to emphasize their point, “They were pretty clear when they were calling you stuff like ‘monster’ and ‘cruel Lord’ or whatever.“

Heisenberg’s eyes widen in an instant, “So you knew? You knew I was...I wouldn’t be the same as you remember me?” He asks, his jaw almost reaching the floor.

They nod nonchalantly, “I mean, I was sure of that part, it’s been half a decade, after all. Of course, I didn’t expect such a drastic change but it changes nothing. The villagers made it all sound super scary and dramatic...”

Karl doesn’t get confused often. However, right now, they’ve got him completely flabbergasted. “You were told about me...about me being what I am and you still showed up and walked into this place everyone fears like you own it? Where the fuck is your self-preservation instinct?!”

With an eye-roll, Y/N pushes past him, entering the elevator and walks over to the buttons to choose a floor, “Up your ass, Heisenberg. Right next to the stick that’s got you in such a foul mood. Is this how you welcome back an old friend?” Though the words themselves were harsh, they spoke them in such a way and with a sincere look in their eyes that they had the complete opposite effect of what they’d usually have. Hell, he wants to laugh at the vocabulary on its own, it’s so refreshing to hear someone use those terms and speak so freely around him, unfazed by his powers. To be fair, they’re probably not even aware he has any.

Looking at them now, their intense gaze telling him loud and clear that they’re completely unfazed, has him going soft. They’re still his connection to the humanity he’s lost, he’s still clinging onto it thanks to them. And while he still believes he doesn’t deserve to preserve any last piece of it, he’s glad that he’s not the judge of that. The punishment is not his to decide. It’s theirs. And who knows, allowing him to keep a tiny fragment of his humanity may be the ultimate punishment but he doesn’t know it yet. Regardless, he’s happy with it as long as it means he has them by his side to carry said punishment out.

When all they get in response to their words is a laugh they too let a smile lighten up their features, “There you go, knock some humor into you.” They turn to look at the buttons briefly before locking their gaze onto him once again, “I like what you did with the place. Care to show me around?”

He shakes his head as his laughter dies down, “You won’t like it.”

Y/N rolls their eyes yet again, “Leave that up for me to decide, old man.”

A frown comes across Heisenberg’s face, “Old man? How dare you?”

The sound of their laughter almost manages to wipe the frown off his face. Almost. “Old man who can pull off even a century old dog tag necklace.” They say, sizing up the necklace resting over his chest which he automatically reaches out to touch as a result of her remark. “You can keep it, by the way. I don’t need it back. I’ll be sticking around for some time after all.”

Before he can even process what they said, they’ve pulled him into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor, looking out of the open side of it to be able to see the inside of the factory as the metal box keeps climbing, carrying them with it. Their back is turned to him so he can’t see the look on their face but he can only hope it’s not one of horror or disgust. If he were to receive that look from them his heart would shatter on the spot. So he’d rather they don’t turn around - both for him not to be able to see them grimacing and so they can’t see him staring at them with that look in his eyes.

Look of adoration he’s never given anyone before nor will he ever give to anyone else. And so, all the pieces of his soul have found their proper spots.

Thanks to Y/N.

Finally, you’re back.

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timelesslords · 3 years

Text

So Under Freezing Stars is finally done 😭I’m incredibly sad it's over but also so happy with the finished product and with the response it's gotten over the past few months <3

I thought it might be fun to compile some little details about the fic- easter eggs and callbacks to the original books, little thematic details and symbols I included, chapter parallels, stuff like that! Everything is below the cut to avoid spoilers, but hopefully y’all find it fun and it’s an interesting way to top everything off :’)

Symbolism/Theme

the first time Annabeth drinks nectar, she can’t put a taste to it. This is because she’s in a transitional period with her identity, where she hasn’t quite solidified a sense of home. When she wakes up after being given nectar for the second time, her mouth tastes like apples because her and Perseus had split one together back on the ship. It’s the first food they shared together after she starts associating him with the concept of home, so the nectar takes on that taste. also apples are a sacred fruit of aphrodite so, ya know ;)

Water plays a big role thematically. There’s the obvious connection to Perseus (whenever Annabeth is looking out into the sea during an unrelated conversation, it’s sort of supposed to indicate that he’s on her mind) but also the more traditional symbolic meanings of water— washing someone/something clean, renewal, rebirth, etc. all of which are themes of the book anyways so it worked out!! Chapters to watch for water symbolism would be 18 and 32 in particular but really anytime there’s an emphasis on the sea

the quote I chose for the epigraph (”Understand this if you understand nothing: it is a powerful thing to be seen”) is from Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi, one of my favorite books! In the context of Freshwater, this quote is when the main character (spoiler) meets someone from their culture who helps them realize they’re a god. It just felt like a particularly perfect way to start off the story, given how many parallels there are to that moment in Freshwater to the entirety UFS. Even without context it frames the story of one of self discovery, but particularly self discovery in tandem with another, which is exactly what I think UFS is about at its core. Freshwater is an incredible book that I owe so much to in terms of inspiring UFS thematically and I def recommend it, though please look up TWs for it beforehand bc it does contain a lot of triggering content.

another more obvious meta thing, the chapter titles switch from Latin to Greek after Annabeth realizes she’s Greek and not Roman

Chapter Parallels

ch20 is called divinity because Annabeth views the sex as akin to a religious awakening— sleeping with her lover is both an act of worship and a revelatory experience wherein she comes to terms with the godly side of her identity. But chapter 33 is called mortal because the thing that makes them special together isn’t necessarily their parentage or their godliness, it’s their humanity. Gods can’t bare their souls to one another because they don’t have one. But mortals— vulnerable and breakable as they are— have that advantage, and when they sleep together the second time Annabeth is fully cognizant and appreciative of that fact.

The drooling in sleep thing is obviously a callback to the OG books (it’s such an iconic first line I had to include it somehow lol) but it also has a thematic parallel (one that Annabeth actually points out within the narrative). That was one of the first moments she recognized he was human and not some unattainable figure, so it comes back to her later in ch33 when she's thinking about their mortality

In ch14, Piper offers to fix Annabeth’s hair as a peace offering. In ch33, Perseus untangles her hair for her because the idea of doing it herself is overwhelming for her. I just really like the idea of caring for someone else’s hair being an act of love towards that person :’)

Easter Eggs/OG Book Callbacks

Blackjack asking for fried dough at the end of chapter 4 is a reference to him always asking for donuts in the original books (yes I did google “did they have donuts in ancient rome” for that lol)

The way they fight the hellhound in ch6 (Percy distracting in the front and Annabeth sneaking around the back) is their go-to fighting strategy in the books, which Percy comments on in BOTL

Obviously Jason passing out every 30 seconds is a reference to Jason getting knocked out like 3x a book in HOO (#brason)

Fai turning into a lizard in the Athens chapter is a callback to Frank the Iguana from MOA

the masthead of the ship being a dragon is meant to be reminiscent of Festus

Other stuff!

Chapter 16 is named calm and chapter 17 is named storm bc 16 is the calm before the (literal) storm

Annabeth saying “is your head full of kelp” to percy in ch13 is the closest I could feasibly get to her calling him seaweed brain lol. I think in chapter 15 she also comments to herself that she feels like his brain is made of seaweed sometimes <3

When Annabeth decides to let Jason and Piper wake up on their own instead of waking them up herself in ch32, it’s sort of a callback to previous comments she’s made about Jason not being a morning person. She’s still scared that he’ll be mad at her, and she doesn’t want to exacerbate that by waking him up early because she knows he’s in a worse mood in the morning.

In the final conversation with Jason, Annabeth says “you’re always too hard on yourself” which is kind of a play on her last words to Luke in the original books (“you always pushed yourself too hard”). I don’t know why but I’ve always really liked that line, it feels very Annabeth, so I wanted to include it somehow. Jason isn’t dying but she does love him like a brother so that felt like a good place for it to go.

something to generally look out for is how reliable or not reliable Annabeth’s narration is. She’s not like a Holden Caufield where she straight up lies to the audience, but her thoughts and observations are not always the most true version of what’s going on. This is probably most obvious in the Luke conflict (particularly chapters 21 and 23) but also when she has to read other people’s emotions and make assumptions about what they’re thinking based on that. A lot of times she’s straight up wrong and just doesn’t realize it (this is particularly relevant in ch14 lol)

another general thing to look at is chapter titles, particularly in the second half of the book. A lot of times the title of the chapter is one of the main themes of the story and that chapter is either an important plot point for that theme or a resolution of it!

That’s all I can think of right now! I might update this later if I remember more but this is already stupidly long lol. I would apologize for turning my fic into an English assignment but if you made it this far you probably thought it was at least a little interesting, so 😂

thank you guys again for reading <3 love you all!

#UFS #percabeth #don't read this until you read the ending!#i just had to post it now so I could link it lol #last chapter is coming in 2 minutes!

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allthingskakashi · 4 years

Note

8 please🥺🥺🥺

• Under Grey Skies •

[ Kakashi x Reader] // 3k

Fluff Prompt : “No, like... it’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes” // Kakashi x Reader

A/n: This was supposed to be "short" but i unfortunately do not comprehend that word. Dunno what that is mate never heard of it, and i also haven't written in a month and have become quite rusty so here i hope you enjoy this 3k worded hot pile of stinking poo 👍🏼😃

When you left your house at 10 am this morning, the skies were clear as glass. No clouds in sight, and a brightly glowing Sun perched high overhead. That was the very reason you’d chosen today to get done with your errands, the hundreds of errands you’d been putting off for weeks now.

Not so surprisingly however, fate had been pulling a dirty prank on you. Soon after you left the house, dark grey splotches appeared across the sky, engulfing the sunny rays and shortly afterwards, the streets began to ring with the sound of splattering rain.

So here you are now, standing on the roadside under the shed of Ichiraku Ramen with a hand full of heavy bags, watching the thundering rains which show no sign of stopping any time soon. You are unquestionably without an umbrella, and the handles of the big brown bags in your hands are beginning to leave painful red lines across your palms.

You have no idea how long this wretched rain will go on for and by the looks of it, you’re in for a long haul, so you decide that you might as well make yourself comfortable.

Letting out a loud sigh and muttering a string of expletives under your breath, you put your bags down on the counter of the ramen shop. Your stomach grumbles as you take a seat on one of stools, your eyes falling upon the menu chart stuck to the wall, with names of all sorts of ramen variants written on it, complete with matching bright pictures alongside.

Hot ramen. That sounds so good right now.

But taking a peek inside your purse, you’re met with disappointment. You’d only come out with enough money for your errands and with what you have left, the best you can get is one candy. And not even the good kind.

You sit waiting with your drenched clothes sticking to your body, drops of water rolling down from the tips of your hair to your lap. Out ahead, the rain is creating puddles of water on the street, and you watch the rush of pedestrians hurrying to get home, eager to avoid ending up in your state.

If it weren’t for all these bags, you might have been able to do the same.

Someone runs past you, sending a big splash of water to your feet as you retreat further into your stool, letting out another sigh.

Of course, this happens to me.

Your plan was to finish all your errands and pick up some stuff for lunch. Your busy schedule hadn’t allowed you to cook yourself a nice meal in a long time and you really wanted to use this weekend off to cook yourself something delicious, have a glass of wine, read a book and relax within the comfort of your home. The home which you barely got to spend any time in these days. But of course, you’re stuck out in the streets in the pouring rain instead.

You remain sitting for you’re not sure how long. The streets have long cleared up. The same however cannot be said for the rain, which has only grown worse in the past half an hour. You’re frustrated out of your mind, counting sheep in your head when suddenly, the frame of a familiar figure on the road catches your eye. Your heart instinctively does a flip at the sight of the silver haired man, who seems to be walking towards you in slow, careless saunter.

You feel the panic in your throat rise and steadily grow into a lump. This day has been horrible enough already, without the disaster of Kakashi seeing you in this pitiful state to add to it. You’ve already made a fool of yourself in front of him more times than you’d like to admit, thanks to your awkward, clumsy self and you don’t need it again, especially not today. There’s just something about Kakashi that makes the wiring in your brain go completely haywire, causing you to end up acting like an imbecile every single time you're around him.

You straighten up in your stool as you see him nearing, tucking a clump of wet hair behind your ear as the thud inside your heart grows louder and louder with each of his approaching steps. But before you’re able to steady your breath, he’s right outside the shop, lifting the white banner to let himself in.

“Y/n?” he exclaims, folding his umbrella and shaking it off as takes your sight in. “What are you doing out here in the rain?”

He’s standing closer to you than your heart can take and you clear your throat before answering.

“Oh, I just… came out for errands and didn’t anticipate the rain.” You say, rolling your eyes and glancing at the cluster of bags behind you. You watch his eyes dart towards them before returning to you. “You look like you did, though” you say, pointing at the umbrella in his hand with a smile.

He looks down, shaking his head, “Ah, that’s just my ninken. They have a nose for this sort of thing, so they let me know beforehand.” He says, returning your smile.

You watch the way his mask creases as he smiles, the air surrounding you falling into a comfortable silence as you watch him in awe, a stupid grin plastered across your face. It almost feels like you’re having a moment, and it could’ve been a good one, had your stomach not let out a loud, hungry growl in the middle of it.

Your demeanour changes immediately, the grin on your face receding as your eyebrows shoot up and you feel a warm rush creep its way to your cheeks.

Kakashi lets out a chuckle, looking otherwise unaffected. “It seems like you’re hungry.” he says, stating the obvious.

“Yeah, I uh…” you fumble, averting your eyes to avoid looking at him, “didn’t have breakfast today.”

“Well, come on then.” Kakashi replies flatly, nodding his head towards the direction of the street. Beyond him, the clouds are grumbling, the rain still falling in a steady splatter.

You look up at his words, the thud in your heart making itself known once again. “Come… where?”

He looks at you as if you asked him what the color of grass is.

“Well you didn’t think I was gonna leave you out here, did you?” he asks, his tone implying that you shouldn’t even have thought of such a stupid question.

“Well i was actually pretty much preparing to spend the night here today�� you reply with a relieved chuckle, before jumping down from your stool.

"Sorry to spoil your plans, then" he says and you turn around, reaching for the bags on the counter but Kakashi gets to them before you. “Let me” he interjects, pulling the heavy bags down from the counter as if they were cotton.

“You take this” he commands, holding the umbrella out to you as he distributes your bags evenly between each of his hands.

In spite of the somersaults that your stomach is making inside your body, you feel pretty grateful to have run into him.

“I have to say, I’m kind of glad you came along” you say, flashing him a big grin and watching his eyes beam with a shy smile as you take the umbrella from him, turning around to face the rain outside, which all of a sudden, doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

Kakashi stands close behind you as you stretch out the umbrella and hold it above your heads, both of you stepping out onto the wet slippery street.

You balance it high enough so it covers Kakashi’s head and make your way ahead, trying your best not to step into any puddles.

“My place is just around the corner” he remarks, crouching ever so slightly and nestling close to you to fit himself under the umbrella. “We’ll be there within five minutes.”

That’s a damn shame is what you want to say, but instead, you just nod.

The umbrella is too small for the both of you to be cramped under, and you can’t help the constant bumping of your arms with each alternate step.

Every nerve in your body is high on alert, exceedingly aware of Kakashi’s proximity to you and with every light brush of his bare forearm against yours, you feel a shiver run through your skin, the hair in your arm standing up in consequence. You wonder if Kakashi can feel it, but you suppose even if he did, it could just be blamed on the strong gusts of cold wind.

“The rain is kind of beautiful though, isn’t it?” you interrupt, more to distract yourself than anything else.

Kakashi turns his face, peering down at you as his mouth drawls into a slow smile. “It sure is.” he says, and it almost feels like he wants to add something more, but he doesn’t.

Raindrops pound heavily down on the umbrella covering you, its rhythmic sound matching the beats of your own heart. You continue walking without exchanging any more words, the silence between you cut only by the rain, your heartbeat and the squeaky noise of your slippers.

You put all your concentration into fixating your gaze on the ground, attempting not only to make sure you avoid an embarrassing slip or a fall, but to ignore the little voice in your head. The voice that has constantly been whispering into your ears, planting all sorts of seeds in your mind about what it would be like, to just reach your hand out right now and grip Kakashi’s hand, which is so so close to you, intertwining his long fingers with yours.

You shake your head, shoving the temptation away and look up at Kakashi, scooting closer to ensure you don’t push him out into the rain.

For someone cramped under a small umbrella in the heavy rain, carrying another person’s bags, you notice that he looks quite…unbothered. Up this close, you cannot help observing how beautiful his eyelashes are, and you resist, for the hundredth time, the urge to press yourself against him and litter his face with kisses.

Your reverie is broken, and thankfully so by the sound of his voice. “We’re here”, he says, stopping in front of an old building and pushing open the small iron gate with his foot, stepping aside to let you in first.

You might be making this up, but you think you heard him sound almost disappointed.

You gaze up at the white four storeyed building in front of you. The jounin headquarters. Being a chunnin yourself, you’ve never been here before. And until today, you never thought you would any time soon, especially under this kind of a circumstance.

Stepping inside under the shade, you close the umbrella, finding yourself wishing that the jounin quarters weren’t quite so close by. Kakashi follows in after you with the bags and the both of you make your way up a long winding staircase. The metal bannister looks rusty, like it hasn’t been furnished in a long time. You climb up three flights of stairs, before stopping outside a door on the fourth floor.

Looking around, you notice that there are two more doors other than Kakashi’s on this floor, but they seem to be unoccupied. Your damp clothes cling to your skin and you can feel a small chill run through you.

“I feel kind of bad, intruding upon you like this” you say, rubbing your arms and waiting as Kakashi scours his pocket for the keys. “Are you sure I’m not interrupting anything?”

“Just a lonely afternoon”, he answers reassuringly, before jamming a key into the lock and pushing the door open.

“Come on in”, he says as you step inside, taking the view of his living room in and telling yourself again and again that you really are in Kakashi Hatake’s apartment. It’s a small one, but well maintained and with minimal clutter. Behind you, Kakashi hangs his wet vest on a hook in the wall and keeps your bags down on the floor.

“y/n you’re shivering”, he says in a concerned tone, looking up at your shuddering body dripping water all over his floor.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, I’m making such a mess” you say, noticing the small puddle of water that has formed near your feet. “Do you have a towel or anything I could wipe this off with?” you ask, your face borrowing the look of an apologetic dog who’s made a mess on the carpet.

“Leave all that to me” Kakashi says, waving you off and guiding you towards his bathroom by your shoulders. “Go take a hot shower and get changed into some warm clothes. Can’t have a shinobi of the Leaf fall sick under my watch.”

His tone is enough to make you melt into a mush and you comply, stepping into his bathroom as he disappears into another room. “Towels are in the shelf!” you hear him yell as you study his bathroom cabinet. Like his living room, his bathroom cabinet is also devoid of any clutter and only occupied by the bare essentials.

You turn the switch to the geyser on, waiting for the water to get hot as Kakashi reappears in the doorway, clutching a pair of his clothes. “Here”, he says, holding the clothes out to you. “I suppose they will be a little loose on you, but—”

“It’s perfect.”, you cut him off. “Thank you, Kakashi. I’m really… I’m really thankful for this.” You say, taking the clothes from him.

“It’s no big deal” he smiles. “I’ll be outside” he says and you nod, closing the door.

The water is just the right amount of warm and you take a blissful shower, the bliss of the moment only intensified by the realisation that you, Y/n, are really in Kakashi Hatake’s house. Not just in his house, but also in his bathroom, using his towels and wearing his clothes.

You wipe yourself dry, hanging your discarded clothes on the rack beside an already hanging trouser and slip yourself into the fresh pair of clothes. It’s a baggy grey t shirt and navy blue trousers, both quite loose against your frame. The t shirt runs past your thighs but the trousers thankfully have strands which you have tied tightly enough, so you hope they won’t slip down any time soon.

You catch a glimpse of your face in the cabinet mirror and find yourself glowing. But more than your skin, it’s probably your heart giving you that glow. You pull the shirt up to your nose, inhaling the smell in. It smells just like you thought Kakashi would. Comforting… familiar, like something that makes you feel at home. Like the smell of crayons from your childhood, or freshly baked cookies.

Smiling to yourself and revelling in the pure comfort and warmth of his clothes, you step out, fanning your wet hair out with your hand

A delicious smell hits your nose almost immediately, and you’re reminded of how completely starved you are.

You step further into the dining area, and find Kakashi in the kitchen adjacent to it, doing something on the gas. You notice that he’s changed into a pair of fresh clothes too, and seeing him in anything other than his uniform for the first time makes something flip inside you.

He turns around, his eyes lighting up immediately as he catches sight of you. You watch him look you up and down, before breaking into a boyish chuckle.

“What?” you ask confused, looking at him and then down at yourself. “Oh crap, I’m wearing the shirt inside out, Jesus!” you say, huffing as you attempt to make a turn back towards the bathroom.

“Oh, no that’s not it” you hear Kakashi object behind you, shaking his head.

You stop at the sound of his voice, turning around as he speaks. “I wasn’t laughing at you. Although… you do look a little funny”

You narrow your eyes at Kakashi and he raises his hands up in defence. “Just a little!” he protests as you make an eyeroll in reply, before pressing on. “What is it, then?”

You watch his muscles tense up ever so slightly, as he flips something on the pan a few times before looking back at you, his dark eyes sombre.

“No, like...” he fumbles, “it’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.” He says softly.

You feel a warm rush of blood creep up to your cheeks as you look down, burning under the intensity of his gaze. Your fingers fidget with the hem of his shirt as you scour your brain to come up with something, anything to say.

Thankfully for you, the oven timer dings, attracting his attention away from you and putting you out of your quandary.

“What’s that?” you ask, drawing nearer to him to take a peek at everything he seems to have strewn about on the kitchen counter.

His words still ring at the back of your mind, lying in a thick cloak around you, making your heart beat faster than it usually does, even around him.

“It’s nothing much, you were hungry, so…I just whipped something up.” he says, but judging by the smell, you’re pretty sure that it’s nothing he has “just whipped up”.

“It smells delicious, Kakashi”, you say, almost feeling yourself choking up. You cannot recall the last time someone had prepared a meal for you. And now, here you are, standing in Kakashi Hatake’s kitchen, and he had not only saved your pitiful ass from the rain and invited you to his house and let you shower at his place but he had also cooked a meal for you. For YOU, with his own two hands.

You feel your stomach twisting and turning in all sorts of ways, but it’s not just the hunger. It’s something else and the realisation dawns upon you that if it’d mean ending up in Kakashi’s kitchen in this way again, you’d gladly be stranded in the cold rain out on the streets a thousand times over, and then a hundred more.

His voice breaks you out of your trance for the second time that day and you look up at him, his beautiful face formed into the most charming smile you’ve ever seen. He holds a hand out, gesturing towards the table where he seems to have carefully laid out two plates.

“Come on, let’s eat?” he says, and you follow along, thanking the universe silently in your heart for making it rain today.

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drabbles-mc · 4 years

Text

Protective Detail (1/?)

Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Shout-out to @masterlistforimagines for encouraging me, and helping me brainstorm to write this fic based on This Post from @my-rosegold-soul 😂👀😍

Warnings: language, mentions of kidnapping, bruises

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: This is my first time writing for Nestor, so hopefully I do alright with that lol. This is gonna be a multi-chap fic. So like??? Semi-slow burn in that regard. Stay tuned 👀👀 Also, Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate. This year I'm thankful for Gino's braids 😂

Chapter Index

Taglist?? I’ve never written for Nestor so I don’t really have a list lol. But if you wanna get tagged in future chapters of this fic totally comment or message me or something and I’ll make sure it happens.

You huffed, rolling your eyes, “I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Papi,” you were standing on the opposite side of the table from your father, who was not looking amused at all with the attitude you were giving him.

“And I told you that you don’t get to make that call, mija,” his tone was level but you could see it in his eyes that he was not going to let you win this argument.

“You don’t need to do this,” you leaned forward onto the table, palms flat, “I’m fine.”

He eyed the bruise on your cheek, knowing that that was the only one he could see, but it was far from the only mark on you. It had been just short of a week since a group of men had tried to kidnap you. It came with the territory of being the daughter of a cartel leader, but it had never really hit that close to home before. Your father was shaken up, and understandably so. But every time he had brought up either getting you out of town for a little while, or setting you up with your own personal security, you forcefully shot down the idea.

“What was the point of teaching me how to defend myself if you’re just going to pack me up and ship me off the second things get a little rough?”

He raised one eyebrow, “A little rough? Mija, they tried to kidnap you.”

“And they failed.”

“I don’t want to push our luck. Why is that such a problem for you?”

“Because I’m too old to have a babysitter. And I sure as hell don’t want to owe any favors to Miguel fucking Galindo,” you rolled your eyes at the mere thought of it.

Your father sighed, knowing that you didn’t have much use for his business counterpart. He had never done or said anything directly to you to make you dislike him so much, but whatever vibe he put off in your direction wasn’t one that you liked, and you had never been good at pretending to like people if you didn’t. You could suck it up just enough to be civil, but nothing more. The fact that he would be the one supplying your security didn’t sit right with you.

“Why can’t one of your guys just stake out my house or something?” you tried to meet him halfway.

“They’re all busy dealing with everything that led to you getting kidnapped.”

“Almost,” you corrected.

He sighed, “Almost kidnapped. I know you aren’t happy about it, but my mind is made up. Besides, he said that he’s sending one of his best men.”

“If he’s one of the best why doesn’t Miguel want to keep him?” you finally collapsed in the chair across from your father, putting you both on the same level.

Your father smirked slightly, “Because he owes me a favor.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. You appreciated that as you got older, your father was more honest with you about everything within reason. It helped both of you for you not to be completely in the dark. For a long time, he worried it was going to make you more worried, but if anything, you appreciated knowing what kinds of things you were up against. You hated feeling unprepared more than anything else in the world.

“So, who is this mysterious, top-of-the-line babysitter that you have found for me?” you finally asked, conceding to what your father wanted.

Your father laughed and shook his head for a moment before calling out, “Nestor, come in here please.”

You turned your body in your chair so you could get a better look at the door. The door opened slowly and you couldn’t help but to raise your eyebrows as you took in the sight of the man who had just entered the room. You mentally went back through the few memories you had of Miguel and you realized that you had definitely seen this man before. He was never far if the Galindos were around. You’d never heard him speak, though—he had always been a silent presence. You definitely weren’t expecting him to be the person who got loaned out to you for the foreseeable future.

“I don’t think you two have ever officially met,” your father waved him over, “Nestor, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Nestor. He’s going to be keeping you safe for a while.”

You politely shook Nestor’s hand, understanding that this situation wasn’t his doing. You gave your father a pointed look, “I keep myself safe.”

He sighed, knowing that you got your stubbornness from him, “He’s going to help you, then.”

You could tell that Nestor was trying not to smile watching the two of you interact. He kept a fairly straight face but his eyebrows raised slightly as he took in how blunt you were with a man that he had grown to respect, and also fear.

“Do I at least get to stay in my own house?” you looked at your father.

He nodded, “Unless something else happens that makes that a bad idea, yes, you can stay in your house.”

“Thank you,” you nodded as you stood up out of your seat. You walked around the table and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Te quiero, Papi. I’ll talk to you later.”

He smiled, “Te quiero. Be safe.”

You laughed as you followed Nestor to the door, “How could I not at this point?” you nodded in Nestor’s direction.

The two of you exited your father’s house. Your face took on a confused expression as you looked for your car. It had been parked right outside your father’s front door and now it was nowhere to be found. You looked over at Nestor.

“Is my car being gone your doing?”

He shook his head, “Your father’s. He asked me to drive you so he had some of his men take the car back to your house.”

You sighed but didn’t say anything more as the two of you walked over to Nestor’s SUV. Granted, his car was much nicer than yours but that wasn’t the point. You wanted this to intrude on your life as little as possible and having him driving you around everywhere in his big flashy car wasn’t exactly in any of your plans.

Most of the drive passed in silence. You wanted to reach and turn the radio on but something in you said that Nestor wasn’t the kind of man who would be caught singing on the job. You looked out the window as you settled back into your seat more, fighting the urge to put your feet up on the dashboard.

“So, what’d you do to piss of Miguel and get put on babysitting duty?” you finally asked.

You looked over and saw his body tense up, “I’m not your babysitter.”

You chuckled, “Would you prefer that I tell people you’re my bodyguard?”

He took his eyes off the road for a moment so he could look over at you, “You don’t have to tell people anything about me.”

The sternness in his tone made you feel small and it caught you a little off-guard. It was going to be interesting to have him be a constant pair of eyes on you. You didn’t know how to feel about having someone who was essentially a stranger being stuck to you like glue.

Silence took over the car again and it stayed that way until he pulled into your driveway. You hopped out of the car, not bothering to wait for him to come and open the door for you. You caught a quick glimpse of his expression and there was the smallest of smiles on his lips for a moment before he went back to his stoic expression.

“I have no idea how this is supposed to work, Nestor,” you admitted honestly as you unlocked the front door, “Are you, like, living here with me now?”

He shrugged, “Would you prefer that?”

You swallowed hard as you crossed the threshold of your home. The impulsive hormonal part of your brain was screaming that you would most definitely prefer that. But you tried very hard not to let that part of you win out.

“I wouldn’t be sleeping in your bed with you, don’t worry,” he offered up with a chuckle.

You felt your face get hot and you tried to play it off, “I figured as much. Besides,” you smirked, “my dad would slaughter you.”

“I don’t doubt that at all.”

“I mean,” you awkwardly stood in your living room, feeling like you should be offering him something, “I have a guest room if you’d want to stay here. Not like it’s getting much use otherwise. Makes more sense than you constantly going back and forth.”

He nodded, not really giving off much emotion either way, “That’s fine. I can have someone bring some of my things by.”

You were about to tell him that he might as well go and pick his things up himself, but leaving you alone on day one would not look good for the whole “personal security” thing. Instead, you offered to give him a quick tour of the house. If he was going to have to protect you, he might as well know where everything was.

“You can hang out here while you’re waiting for your stuff,” you gestured to the living room, “I have every streaming service under the sun,” you grabbed two beers out of the fridge, “You allowed to drink on the job?”

He shook his head as he sat down on the couch, “I am, but I’m good. Thank you.”

You shrugged, tossing one bottle back into the fridge before opening one for yourself. You sat down on the opposite end of the couch from him and waited. You wanted him to choose something to watch, solely so you could try to figure out more of what kind of person you were dealing with. He picked up that you had started a game of chicken, and with a heavy sigh he reached forward and picked up your controller.

“You actually game with this or do you just use it to watch stuff?” he asked as he scrolled through your apps.

You laughed, “Not gaming like you’re thinking.”

The two of you were a few episodes deep into Community when Nestor’s phone started ringing. He looked down and stood up, heading towards the door without bothering to answer the call. When he came back inside, he had a bag in each hand and walked past you to the guest room without a word. You sat on the couch, fidgeting slightly with your hands. All you could think about was the fact that you had no idea how this was supposed to work. It wasn’t like the two of you were friends and he was going to be crashing with you for a while. You knew nothing about him and now he was living at your house. You had no idea how to have a full conversation with him, which was rare. You didn’t know what it was about him that made all of your words get caught in your throat.

A few minutes later he came back out and sat down on the couch again. Silence filled the space between you outside the noise from the television. You glanced down at the time on your phone and right as you did, your stomach growled.

“So, do you eat?” you asked.

He looked over at you, one eyebrow raised, “I’m only allowed one meal a week.”

You laughed, face heating up over the entire interaction, “Am I allowed to order off Grubhub? Or is that a security no-no?”

“If you want to order something we can go pick it up,” it was his nice way of saying that delivery wasn’t an option for the time being.

“The whole point of ordering in, is not having to leave the house. Aren’t I safer if I’m here anyway?”

“And having strangers come here all the time?”

“Why don’t you just tell me all the things I can and can’t do?” you rolled your eyes.

“It’s not my decision,” he was firm, but his voice didn’t get loud, “It’s your father’s. I get you don’t like this but there’s no getting out of it now.”

“I’m sorry,” you offered up honestly, “I’m just…not used to being on a leash.”

He chuckled, “I see that.”

You stood up with a sigh and made your way over to the kitchen, “I’ll pull something together.”

“You really don’t want to leave the house that much?” you could hear the amusement in his voice.

“I really don’t,” you perused your cabinets, not making eye contact as you asked him, “Which reminds me, can we use my car when we leave here from now on? I feel like it’s a little more discreet.”

He sighed, “Let me guess, you want to drive?”

That made you look over at him, “Would you let me?”

“I’ll answer that more definitively after I survive one ride with you behind the wheel.”

Throughout the evening you could feel that both of you were trying to figure each other out. Nestor seemed like he was a very tightly closed book, though. You couldn’t get much of a read on him and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. You felt like he had caught you a few too many times just staring at him, trying to pull information out of his brain just by looking at him.

After you put all of the dishes in the sink, you went and took a shower and changed into a baggy t-shirt and shorts to go to bed in. You said goodnight to Nestor, who was still on the couch, scrolling on his phone. You said to let you know if you had any questions or anything but other than that you would see him in the morning. You felt weird just leaving him out in the living room like that, but you supposed that that was what he was there to do.

You woke up in the middle of the night, dying for a piece of chocolate and a glass of water. You quietly opened your door and tip-toed down the hall to get to your kitchen. You knew your house like the back of your hand so there was no need to turn the lights on and risk waking Nestor up. You were rooting through your cabinets when you heard the unmistakable click of a gun.

Instinctively, you turn around and pushed the person’s arms hard, attempting to knock the gun out of the person’s hand but at the very least have it not pointed at you anymore. You were centimeters away from kicking in their kneecap when you heard Nestor’s voice through the silence.

“It’s me,” he sounded exhausted but he was still alert enough to not let you try to beat him up.

“Jesus Christ,” you sighed as you reached over and flipped the light on, “What the fuck?”

“Why are you shuffling around in the dark?” he put the safety back on his gun and set it down before reaching and wiping his face, attempting to wake up a little more, “I thought someone broke in.”

“I was trying not to wake you up.”

“You didn’t succeed,” he leaned against the counter.

“I see that,” you returned your attention to the cupboard and pulled out two small wrapped candy, “Chocolate?” you offered him a piece.

He huffed but he still took it from you and ate it. You chuckled to yourself as you lifted yourself up to sit on the countertop. While you were sitting you leaned over and filled a cup with water, taking a long drink from it before returning your attention to Nestor. You stared at him for a moment, realizing that this was the first time you had ever seen him in anything besides the nice clothes that he wore for work. He was in a baggy, white long-sleeve shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. You had a feeling that that image was going to be burned into your mind forever, but you shook your head to dispel the thoughts.

“From now on I will make as much obvious noise as possible when I get up in the middle of the night.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

You smiled, lightly swinging your legs back and forth, “Goodnight.”

You watched him disappear down the hall before returning your attention to the kitchen. You hopped down off the counter and noticed that all of the dishes that had been in the sink were washed and sitting in the drying board. You smiled to yourself as you looked at the spot where Nestor had just been.

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #nestor oceteva #nestor oceteva x reader #nestor oceteva x you #nestor oceteva imagine #nestor x reader #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc #protective detail #multichapter #chapter 1

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sombreboy · 4 years

Text

Tease me⇢kth x jjk

⇢18+ ⇢pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ⇢genre: Smut, fluff, mxm ⇢word count: 5.4k ⇢warnings: profanity, tae sends jk pics of his cock smh, they skip class to fuck don’t do that educate urself my lovely peeps, dom!kth, sub!jjk, blowjob, fingering, anal, sex in public place, this is fiction pls use lubey lube

A/N: Serves as a oneshot within the Love Maze series AU, however can also be read on it’s own. Co-written with my lovely @velvetwicebang <3

Either the clock had been stuck on the same time for over a trillion hours, or Taehyung’s brain was having a blast poking at the boy’s established impatience.

It felt as if he’d been sitting through Mrs. Choi’s lesson for way too long now; his ass had certainly left a permanent imprint on the hard-as-shit chair. The discomfort only irked Taehyung even more, and the latter couldn’t be bothered to mask his see-through disinterest, facial expression resistant— Who the fuck needs calculus, anyways? Calculators exist.

The boy’s leg bounced from underneath the desk, wanting nothing more than to yell out ‘Fuck math!’ and storm out of there. But of course, he couldn’t do that. Not if he wanted to prove Jungkook wrong. The younger was smart as hell, and Taehyung knew how seriously he took his studies. Naturally, being in a relationship with someone so academically-driven also meant Tae couldn’t fall behind. And he was trying to prove to Jungkook that he was capable of getting good grades, when he actually tried..

The elder let out a soft sigh, gaze flickering to the front of the class, acting carefully before he pulled out his phone from the front pocket of his pants.

To: JK Hey

Taehyung waited a minute, no response.

To: JK I’m boreed

Jungkook always took forever to reply.

To: JK i know you’re seeing these smh, won’t even reply to your boyfriend

Suddenly, Tae got an idea. The elder flicked through his camera roll, lips slowly curling outwards into a cheeky grin before he attached a very personal picture..

To: JK meant to send this to you the other day I was soo fucking hard, can you see?? you like the view?

It was an image of his cock, the tip pink and swollen, veins running alongside the smooth edges.

If this didn’t get Jungkook’s attention, Taehyung would be surprised.

Jungkook feels the incoming texts in the form of a series of vibrations against his leg, and normally he would ignore it completely... but he knows it's his boyfriend, so it was getting incredibly difficult to ignore. His lecture was boring anyway, the teacher blabbering about a topic he already excelled in, so he didn't feel as bad about sneaking his phone out underneath the desk…

Kook's breath hitched when he swiped the conversation open, only to be greeted by Taehyung's fat cock staring right back at him, so hard and--- it had the younger's thighs pressing together just thinking about the way it felt in his mouth. Heavy, smooth... fuck.

He glanced around, thankful he didn't have anybody sitting close to him for once. Tapping in his reply, his cheeks are hot, his lower lip caught by his bunny like upper teeth.

To: Tae I'm in class babe...

Jungkook sighed when he took another look at the picture, suddenly class was the last thing he cared about.

To: Tae ... I really love the view... I can't focus now

At first glance, Taehyung was a bit surprised Jungkook actually rolled along with it, but oh was he pleased.. He hadn’t intended for the conversation to turn sexual... not from the beginning, at least. The elder played his cards right, an unexpected dick-pic granted him his boyfriend’s undivided attention. Taehyung loved being the only one running through Jungkook’s mind..

To: JK oh yeah? thinking hard about my cock now? ooo naughtyyy

He also fuckin’ loved to tease the hell out of Koo.

To: JK i get really hard just thinking about you you and your cute ass

The elder comfortably leaned back in his chair, typing with one hand whilst the other lingered close to his crotch, itching to slip it past the band of his trousers..

To: JK that ass is tight as fuck too didn’t even need to jerk off to porn, i got off to the picture of you on my phone came so much, fuuck

Jungkook had to bite down on his lip to prevent himself from embarrassing himself, the natural urge to whine because of what Tae tells him through text was astonishing. The power this man had over the younger... one sentence and Kook is already uncomfortably adjusting his length that is resting against his thigh.

To: Tae Tae, seriously! you can't say things like this... I almost moaned out loud I can't focus!!!!

Jungkook stared at the picture for the umpteenth time, bit swollen lips parting lightly to exhale a longing sigh. His gaze flickered between the lecture and his phone again as he kept typing.

To: Tae fuck... and I'm getting hard. Want you in my mouth.

Kook blushed a bit as he sent the last two messages. However, two could play a game of tease during class... Tae might just be better at it. But that doesnt mean Kook won't at least try.. maybe he has a higher effect than he thinks.

Either way, Taehyung was a master of seduction, whether it be a quick fuck, or a sensual evening in bed--- it's undeniable that his sex appeal is off the roof. Hence why Jungkook is sitting in fucking class with his cock pulsating underneath the table. Shit.

The elder’s lean fingers curled inwards into a tightly-knotted fist, blunt nails sunk deep into the clammy flesh of his palm. All the while, Taehyung’s beast of a boner prodded at the fabric of his pants, the striking outline a cherry in a basket of strawberries. Anyone with a working eye could see Taehyung was worked up about something..

To: JK such a tease, baby so sudden? bet you were thinking about me fucking the shit out of your pretty mouth for a long time i know you like it real rough

The light film of sweat collected on his hand seeped onto the fabric of Taehyung’s jeans whilst he slowly smoothed his palm over his erection, the corner of his lip twitching in aggravation. He wanted to stuff Jungkook’s stretchable mouth full through the screen, fuck it hard until his dick turned limp.

To: JK naughty boy, you probably touched yourself to the thought of my fat cock before we were even together

He angled the phone down, pressing record before rubbing at his clothed cock, thumb swirling around the bulging head.

“Fuck..” Taehyung grunted softly, flipping the camera around to selfie-mode so Jungkook would have a different perspective. He kept it low, pretending the camera’s lens was Kook’s doe eyes, picturing his boyfriend on his knees— Taehyung staring down at him.

Even from such an angle, Tae managed to look intimidating. His raven fringe running past his hooded eyes, jaw clenching as he held in his moans, cheekbones prominent.. He had it all.

He tapped on the red dot once more, attaching the newly-made video before pressing send.

To: JK this the cock you’re thirsting for?? see how hard it is? it’s even harder when i fuck it real deep in you

Jungkook hovered over the video, swallowing tightly before pressed play. It was a dangerous game that his boyfriend played, and Kook knows he already lost. Taehyung's fat cock, his piercing gaze, even through a fucking phone screen had the younger mans insides clenching around nothing, his mouth salivating. He couldn't even hold back the quiet groan that rumbled in his chest, passing it off as an awkward cough to avoid attention.

To: Tae Yeah.. love when you're rough..

Koo blushes, ignoring the obvious statement of him touching himself to the thought of Tae prior to their relationship...

Although Jungkook knows he's already a puddle for the elder, he knows Tae does have a thing for the digital aspect of things... whether it be porn, nudes, or videos. Even when sending a simple recording of his cock, he made it look great... he was a natural with the lens.

Kook angled his own phone camera to snap a picture, squeezing his thick length through his sweatpants to show the prominent outline. Then he snaps a second one, very quickly of his bit swollen lips, sending both in one go.

To: Tae I want it so bad... See how hard you made me too... I keep biting my lip or I'll whine out loud... you asshole

Koo smiles through the haze of lust, the endearing cursing between them still something they both just do-- and love.

A small, barely-noticeable smile pulled at the corners of Taehyung’s wet lips.

To: JK shut up... asshole you’re liking this

Then it was back to internally groaning over the pictures Jungkook had sent, lust-crazed pupils dilating at the mere image of those swollen lips wrapped snug around the velvety skin of his cock.

To: JK excuse yourself and meet me in the same spot don’t take forever

It was the last nudge; Taehyung had to act on his urges before he went crazy.

He excused himself from the lesson, lying saying he had to go to the restroom. Taehyung did need to get something out of his system, but it wasn’t what everyone else thought.

Jungkook licked his lips at the commanding invitation, swiftly putting his phone back into his pocket as he excused himself, also lying about his whereabouts. Luckily, he was easily let off without much questioning, being one of the teacher's favorites. Piece. of. cake.

He shoved his books into his backpack before hurrying towards their secret spot, internally competing whether he would possibly make it there before Taehyung this time-- just to rub it off in his face.

As Jungkook made it there, he looked around, not yet seeing the male... He glanced down at his phone, a small smile tugging on his lips. Did he make it first?

Turns out whenever Taehyung was horny, the boy could run a marathon. If there was something worth claiming at the finish line, Tae was there. This time, the prize just so happened to be his lovely boyfriend.. It was no surprise when he’d gotten there first, too impatient to miss a longing beat to his steps. But, being the cheeky bastard Taehyung was best known for, he hid from Jungkook.

When he made out the younger male’s figure, that was when he tip-toed out of hiding, pressing his chest to Kook’s back as his arms circled around his torso.

“Hey—“ Taehyung laughed at Jungkook’s startled jump, angling his neck to press a chaste kiss to the younger’s cheek.

“Relax, it’s me. Slow ass..” The elder joked, swiftly turning Koo around on his feet by a quick twist of the younger’s waist.

"Ah! Tae... shit, I've told you not to scare me like that..." Jungkook's annoyance quickly morphed into a grin, unable to stay mad as he twirled to face his boyfriend. His hands immediately find the elders soft, dark curls, itching to run his fingers through them.

"I wasn't slow, you must be sonic or some shit...." he chuckles, drawing Tae in for a kiss, unable to hold his bit swollen lips away for a second longer.

Taehyung acceptingly immersed himself in the warm, summery feeling of Jungkook’s lips, dipping his toe in the latter-infected waters.

He breathed in Jungkook; he felt Jungkook’s presence all around. Every curve and dip of the younger’s body was a place Taehyung knew all too well.

He squeezed at Kook’s delicate waist. Taehyung’s lost count of how many times his needy hands would hold onto the flesh. It was the most familiar spot..

“Don’t think I forgot all about the, ‘want you in my mouth’ shit you pulled..” The elder practically muttered, tracing daring kisses along Jungkook’s jawline, down his neck, on his collarbones..

Anywhere that would allow the sudden intrusion.

“That got me so hard. You knew it’d faze me, huh?” Taehyung gently drove Jungkook’s back against the concrete wall, shuffling a leg between the younger’s, sensually rubbing at his boyfriend’s awakened crotch.

“You knew it’d make me wanna push you down to your knees and fuck your throat swollen, didn’t you?”

"Y-yeah-- fuck..." Jungkook immediately feels like he melts into the wall behind him, the cool surface juxtaposing the fire in his body. His cheeks are flushed red, snapping his chin to the side as he blushes, whining quietly when Taes knee massages his length. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he was brought to a full hard on, but then again; Kook being absolutely whipped for Tae is no news.

“Baby likes it rough, tsk. You know which buttons to push, alright..”

Taehyung tilted his head and aimed for the side of Jungkook’s neck, where he sucked greedily on the discolored patch whilst his hands snaked past the loose band of Kook’s sweatpants.

Fondling and jiggling a handful of Jungkook’s bare ass in his bigger hands, Tae purposely pressed their bodies closer together, leaving little room to the imagination.

He groped and squeezed at the plump skin, pulling Jungkook’s lower body away from the wall, grunting against his boyfriend’s neck as he left dark hickeys to linger on for days.

“So fucking gorgeous, my pretty boy..”

Taehyung pulled away, seemingly pleased with his colorful creations.

“Now, get down on your knees, pretty.”

Jungkook didn't need to be told twice, abruptly dropping down on his knees in front of Taehyung, his strong hands smoothing down his torso to his thighs on the way down. His doe eyes stare back up at the elder with a mix of submission, admiration, and greed, licking his lightly chapped lips.

"You think I'm pretty?" Kook tilts his head like a curious puppy, his coyly cocked eyebrow morphing with his small smile that couldn't be helped. He always felt a bit giddy whenever Tae praised him in various ways.

He keeps his hands on Tae's thighs, slowly inching back to tug at the zipper, greedy to see and feel the weight of his boyfriend's cock on his tongue.

"Fuck my mouth, I'll look even prettier.." He whispers out his words, a bit flustered to utter them.

“Shit, I don’t doubt it for a fucking second..” Taehyung felt strapping as he confidently towered over Jungkook, one hand pressed against the wall whilst the other glided through Kook’s silky hair, caressing the younger’s scalp with gentle fingers.

“Always hungry for my big cock, who would’ve thought the prettiest boys would be so dirty..”

His thumb faintly brushed over Jungkook’s cheekbone, studying the latter’s submissive pose before him. Taehyung cockily widened his stance, feet shoulder-width apart and hips slightly jutted out.

He waited until Jungkook undid his zipper before taking control, tugging on his briefs just enough for his needy cock to pop out, his warm balls laying still against the waistband.

“You wanna suck my dick? Wanna know what your ass gets a taste of every time I fuck you?” The elder harshly bit down on his lower lip, “Stick your tongue out.”

Knowing he wouldn’t have to wait long, a faint smirk took over Taehyung’s features at Jungkook’s eagerness.

“Even your tongue is gorgeous, fuck.”

With one hand around the base, Tae rubbed the head of his cock along the wet muscle, gripping onto a handful of Jungkook’s hair whilst he stared down at his boyfriend, internally praising him for being so good..

“Hmm..” He gently slapped the thick girth on Kook’s tongue; soft, wet splatter sounds taking over their senses.

Jungkook hummed in delight when he could taste droplets of Tae's precum with every gentle thud against his tongue. He inched even closer, opening his mouth wider as he stuck out his wet, flattened tongue further, as if begging for more already.

Kook is a shy boy, but when it came to Taehyung; he was a selfish, greedy man.

However, he knew not to get too greedy, unless he wanted to annoy his boyfriend. It was usually a one way ticket to limp town. Sometimes he wanted it, sometimes he didn't.

Today was one of those days where he wanted it rough.

So, the younger didn't wait for instructions, neither did he say a word before he ignored the tug in his hair as he leaned forward, taking Taehyung's cock into his mouth. It was worth it, the smooth skin and tangy mix of salt and sweet coated his tongue wonderfully. His vibrating moan reached his throat, sure that Tae could feel it around his cock.

Kook's mischievous, doe eyes stared back up at him, his plushy lips stretched and reddened as they worked hard to accommodate Taehyung's girth.

“Wait, what are you doi— shit..” Taehyung’s heavy-lidded eyes abruptly enlarged; his initial shock vividly magnified on his features in the form of arched brows. He watched as his boyfriend’s plushy lips enclosed around his hardened length, spouting a thick blanket of warmth throughout Tae’s body, overpowering his cold demeanor. That’s all Taehyung did— stare.

No one had ever disobeyed him, they waited for him to take control of the situation. Until now..

And if Taehyung wasn’t so fond of the power it granted him; he would’ve been less irritated at Jungkook and his sudden boldness.

The assertive grip on the younger’s hair returned as Taehyung harshly yanked him away from his cock, jaw muscles clenched and gaze intimidating.

Who did Jungkook think he was? The younger was stripped of his control every time they fucked; Taehyung liked it that way. To say this was a surprise was an understatement..

“What have I told you about doing shit without my permission, Jungkook?”

However, no matter how much Tae tried to force himself to dislike it, he couldn’t. His boyfriend’s eagerness was endearing.

“Impatient boy..”

Digging his fingers deeper into Kook’s mess of a hair, Taehyung forced the younger back in once again. This time, it was on his terms.

He controlled the pace in which Jungkook’s head bobbed, rhythmic hips thrusting slowly to meet each plunge.

“Hmm.. fuck yeah.” The wetness lathering around him from inside Kook’s mouth tipped Taehyung’s head back, grunting softly as his eyes squinted shut, black curls sticking to the light layer of sweat exuding from his creased forehead.

At that moment, he didn’t have a care in the goddamn world.

Taehyung towered further over Kook, extending out his free hand against the wall in front of him and fixing his grasp on Jungkook’s hair. The elder held his boyfriend’s head in place as he thrusted into him, hips eager and swift as he began fucking his mouth.

“Like that? Shame you can’t answer with a cock in your mouth..”

The sparkle of mischief in Jungkook's eyes never subsided, saying more than enough at the fact that this is exactly what he wished for. To spur on Taehyung's dominance, hearing, seeing and feeling the elder manhandle him and mock him-- fuck, the younger's cock was leaking underneath his pants.

"Mmm....mmhhh.." Jungkook hummed with joy, gaze glassy with tears from the burning stretch in his throat. It was bittersweet, but he was ever the masochist for Tae's big dick. He stared up at the various expressions of pleasure and coy mockery playing on Taehyung's face, only able to look up for so long before tears began to trickle down his cheeks, mixing in with the drool seeping out his mouth with every rough thrust, Tae's cock taking up the space in his throat.

Jungkook relaxed in the elder's hold, using his flattened tongue in his mouth to allow the slick length to glide effortlessly. He breathed heavily through his nose, however only able to do so every few drags when the head of Tae's swollen cock wasn't blocking the airway as it was lodged back in his throat with every snap of his hips.

Kook's grasp tightened on Taehyung's pants by his thighs, seeking some kind of leverage, muffled whines and hums stuck in his chest to be killed by the loud sound of wet squelches.

The piteous, gagged response of a hum fed into Taehyung’s inner sadist as he was physically driven to ram deeper into Jungkook’s mouth. He wasn’t worried— well, too worried. Of course Tae was precautious; he didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend. But he knew Jungkook could handle his hefty cock. After all, they’ve had plenty of practice during their time together..

They rarely spent a day without any action; Kook’s body was a magnet for Taehyung’s longing hands to obsess over.

“Sweet boy, takin’ all of my cock like a champ..” Tae hissed, entranced by the way he’d continuously bulge against Jungkook’s hickey-stained throat, feeling the sensitive tip roughly prod at the inflamed flesh.

“Hngh.. so warm, baby. Almost as warm as your tight ass.” His panting grew thicker, losing the momentum he once started with, “Look at you, so fuckable. Hmph.. just wanna stretch the shit out of you, leave you open wide and shaking.” Taehyung yanked harder on Jungkook’s hair, knuckles lacking their natural color.

“I’d cum so much inside, fuck, you’d be so full.”

With one last powerful, forced slam, Tae stopped the movement of his hips before he would break loose. All that talk made him realize how much he missed being inside of his boyfriend, even if he’d just fucked him a couple days ago..

“Pretty..” The pad of this thumb brushed under Jungkook’s eyes, wiping away the fresh tears that’d resurfaced. Taehyung slowly pulled his cock out, gaze softened as he stared down at Jungkook’s smaller position.

“Stand up and kiss me, baby. Wanna taste myself on your lips.”

Pebbles roll on the ground from the quick momentum of just how eagerly Jungkook got back up on his feet, arms clinging around Taehyung's neck to bring him in for a needy kiss. The younger's plush lips moved naturally against his boyfriend's, his familiar mouth bringing nothing but comfort and an immense need to taste more, and more.

"Ah..." Kook was gentle however, allowing Taehyung to be in control of the intensity, but the needy whines coming from the younger showed just how badly he wanted every single little thing the elder would offer.

"Taee...." Jungkook timidly moans against his lips, his erection pressing up against him like a needy boy. "You taste so good.. Can you taste it?"

“I do, baby, tastes good..” Taehyung leaned in for more, pushing his tongue past the small, hitched opening in between Jungkook’s puffy lips to ease the areas in which his cock took proper advantage of. The kiss was sloppy, yet precise as Tae carefully moved his lips against Kook’s smaller ones, pleased vibrations emitting from his chest.

Not bearing the emptiness in his palms, his hands resumed groping Jungkook’s ass.

“I’m gonna fuck you, Koo. Gonna make it quick, alright?” Tae pressed a soft kiss to Jungkook’s nose before tugging at the younger’s sweatpants and briefs in one go, too impatient to go about it any other way.

“So aroused ‘n pretty..” Taehyung’s breath hitched at the sight of Kook’s hard cock, head oozing with droplets of precum. “Just like you.”

He carefully drove them back against the wall, this time pushing Jungkook’s chest against the concrete and tugging gently at the younger’s hip, making his ass stick out.

His boyfriend didn’t need any prep, they’ve fucked enough times in the course of a week alone. But it didn’t hurt to tease Kook a bit— Taehyung never turned that down.

“Gonna stick my finger in, breathe.” Tae didn’t lie, his middle finger slowly pushed past the bundle of nerves trying to force him out, but he didn’t budge. His forehead was rested against Jungkook’s nape, lips slightly agape as he looked down at what he was doing. The elder’s other hand spread one of Koo’s cheeks, giving him a wider view.

“Shit, you cool? Found that sweet spot you always like..” The pad of Tae’s finger quickly rubbed at the side of Jungkook’s prostate.

“You love it when I tease it, admit it.”

Jungkook muttered breathy curses, placing his elbows against the concrete for leverage. His soft cheek pressed to the wall, flushed in the initial embarrassment of being this exposed-- in this place... Tae always managed to make him feel small and pretty-- and the praise only built on to his reddened cheeks... and throbbing cock.

"Ah..." His low curses quickly morphed into higher pitched moans the second his boyfriend's long, slender finger touched the one sweet spot that only he could reach. "Fuck, yeah.... I love it-- please, more."

Taehyung always knew how to please him, just with one finger he had reduced Kook to nothing but a slut for him. Every single time they fucked, the one word Jungkook would chant like a prayer was just that. More.

"D-don't tease me too much... I'll go crazy, please, stretch me more." Jungkook's pathetic voice was shaky, rutting his ass back against Taehyung's finger, his thigh muscles tensing and relaxing every single time his sensitive flesh was prodded.

Taehyung reached in deeper, the stretchable skin of Jungkook’s wet rim now surpassing his knuckle, clenching tight around the elder’s long digit as he massaged Koo’s warm insides. The elder’s cock throbbed against Jungkook’s soft cheek, jealous it wasn’t receiving any special attention— for now. Tae wasn’t planning on leaving it forgotten for long..

“I’ll stretch you out good, just be patient..” Tae left soft kisses along Jungkook’s shoulders and flexed shoulder blades, twisting his head slightly to continue against the crook of the younger’s neck, the silent sounds of his sweet kisses only audible to the both of them.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous, you know that?” The warmth of Taehyung’s breath clung on to Jungkook’s ear whilst he praised, lingering close until Tae’s face was no longer near; no longer trapping in the heat of his soft words.

“I’m gonna put it in, I know you’re dying to feel a hard cock in you. My hard cock..” Taehyung swiftly dragged out his finger, taking a hold of his dick and lining it up against Jungkook’s entrance, rubbing the tip against his puckered rim before gently advancing his hips forward, harshly biting on his lips as he did so.

“Hngh.. warm. Tight as fuckin’ always, fuck.”

Jungkook's drawn out moan sounded more like a whiny cry, muffled by his hand as to not want to draw any attention-- but it was hard. However, something about possibly being caught had the younger's entire being tingling with excitement. Maybe he was a little bit of an exhibitionist after all...

"Mmph... Tae, god... big.." Kook struggled to put together any sort of coherent sentence, muffling out words into his hand in between breathy cries. His fleshy insides constricted around his boyfriend's thick girth harder the deeper it drilled into him, taking shallow breaths to relax. His thighs shake with anticipation, he couldn't bear to be patient...

Jungkook arched his back further, hungry for more of Taehyung to enter him, glancing over his shoulder to see his expressions. If there was one thing Jungkook loved just as much as hearing how good he felt, it was seeing it as well.

The elder granted Jungkook just that— thick eyebrows knit together as he fully bottomed out, cock snug and protected in between Kook’s gripping insides, the unpredicted squeezes prompting the latter to grit his teeth until his jaw turned sore.

Taehyung engaged in promising eye contact, his bedroom eyes gazing deep into Jungkook’s wavering ones. Tae’s back remained slightly hunched as his blue-veined hands held onto the other’s hips, fingers digging into the sweaty crease connecting the younger’s hip bone and his leg.

“Damn, been waiting to fuck this ass for a hot minute..” He added movement to his stance, keeping it slow and collected at the beginning for the sake of their enjoyment.

“My ass. I own this shit now, fuck..” The hitting of his pelvis against Jungkook became more noticeable, the smacking of their skin every time they met almost as distinct as Koo’s soft whines.

“Only mine to fuck raw and stretch.” Taehyung’s thrusting grew more aggressive, forceful snaps turning quicker and harder..

“I’m the only guy that gets to bust in this little ass, fuckin’ better stay that way..”

The mere thought of another dude fucking Jungkook led Taehyung to grunt in displease, panting softly as he no longer worried about holding back, entering Kook’s ass again and again until he could no longer keep count.

Jungkook's doe eyes rolled back in pleasure, fluttering shut before he dipped his head low, his long curls falling forward as he faced down. Every snap of Taehyung's hips drew a louder moan out of him, every inhale a hitched breath, every exhale a whiny moan.

"Only y-yours, Tae--fuck, want you, just you-- gah..." It was hard to speak when his body was jolting forward roughly with every thrust, his strong arms flexing to keep his head from thudding into the concrete wall from the brute force his boyfriend fucked him with.

"Don't want anybody else to fuck me, your cock-- ah, your cock is the fuckin' best... Want you foreve-eer, shit..." His moans were bordering on sobs at this point, the mixture of pleasure, slight pain, and his love for the elder made the entire experience euphoric; and Jungkook was addicted to it. They've done this countless times, and instead of growing bored of it, the younger wanted more, more, more.

"Wanna cum, babe, please-- can I touch myself?" Kook's eyes open, staring down at his bobbing, swollen cock, the reddened tip drooling with precum, aching for any touch. "Tell me I can, please."

“We’ll do it together,” letting go of one of Jungkook’s slightly-bruised hips, Taehyung reached for the younger’s hand that rested on the dirtied wall, leading it downwards to where Kook’s firm, pretty cock sprung with the sustained pace of his thrusts. Taehyung forced Jungkook’s fingers to close in tight around his own shaft, the elder’s bigger hand applying extra pressure as he jerked them in sync up and down, up and down..

The leaking precum sitting atop Kook’s tip helped alleviate the glide, movements swift and aggressive. Taehyung was the one in charge, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum..” He wrapped his arm around Jungkook’s delicate waist, pulling him in until his gasping chest molded against the small dip of Koo’s slick back.

“Cum with me, baby.” Taehyung’s jerk of his sore hand never faltered, and neither did each shove into Jungkook’s insides. He was much too excited to get them both over the edge, the upcoming release a certain high he could never get tired of.

Jungkook's loud, shameless sounds were a mixture of sobs and moans from the overwhelming sensations, his slick cock aggressively working towards his release along with his boyfriend's cock forcibly prodding at his sensitive prostate over and over. Kook's was fuckin' done for, he couldn't even attempt to hold back his orgasm if he tried.

"S-shit, fuck, fuuck--!" Nothing but curses rolled off his swollen tongue, words a foreign concept pushed to the back of his mind when all he could think about was Taehyung's fat cock entering him again, and again until every musce in his body tensed up, his cock stiffening in the grasp of both men before it began to pulsate in a rhytmical pattern, spurts of cum gushing out against the concrete wall.

"God-- cumming, ah, o-ouch..." Kook's high pitched whines in pleasure distorted into oversensitivity quickly, pressing his forehead against the dirty wall, gnashing his teeth together. "D-don't stop, please, cum in me-- T-taehyung.." His breathy voice pleaded, his thighs shaking to keep him up. He was grateful for the tight hold of his boyfriend around his waist, or he was sure he'd fall to his knees without a doubt.

“Oh fuuck, that’s my boy.. you’re cumming— hmph!, so much, cute.” Taehyung’s hips mindlessly picked up their thrusting until they stuttered, sleek body coming to a complete stop before Tae threw his head forward in a rasped shout, swelled cock twitching as it released the elder’s heavy load deep into his boyfriend’s clutching insides.

“A-ah.. ah, oh..” The hold around Jungkook’s waist had tightened, holding him closer as Taehyung’s way to steady himself after such a powerful climax. The elder’s body quivered slightly, feeling himself slowly soften while his cum dripped from out of Jungkook, running down the latter’s wobbly legs and onto the ground.

“Wow..”

He made sure Kook was steady enough before pulling out, withdrawing from the younger and immediately resting his back against the wall. Taehyung wiped at his face with the lower fabric of his shirt, the material sticking closely to his heaving chest.

“That was great, I didn’t think you’d let me fuck you in a public place.” Tae turned to look at Jungkook after tucking himself back in, smiling tiredly.

“You simp... I know you wouldn’t have done that for anyone else.” Now Taehyung was teasing, giggling cheekily as he called Koo out for his unforeseen actions.

#fic: tease me #taekook #taekook smut #vkook smut #taehyung smut #jungkook smut #sub jungkook #dom taehyung #bts mxm smut #sombreboy #bangtanarmynet #boymeetsmxm

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scathecraw · 3 years

Text

BBRae Week 2021 - Day 1: Unconventional Kiss

Raven had been dancing around the issue for weeks now, and both she and Gar knew it. There had been a few near misses after a date gone well, a few breathless close calls during training, and one precipitous moment in the kitchen that fell apart when the smoke detector signaled their distraction.

They had been good dates. Very good dates, to be quite honest. Raven had expected that they would go nearly that well, and that had been why she had held off for so long. With all the emotional vulnerability and insightful talks and fantastic company and so many other things that came with dating someone you had been attracted to for years, she knew that the other shoe would drop, and she would have to just plunge in headfirst. And Gar had been patient – he wasn’t one to rush, especially with her. But he wanted it. And, god help her, she wanted it, too.

A perfect first kiss. The First Kiss, for both of them, hung up on each other for so long that they had never made any real attempts to find anyone else. Kori’s magazines had promised that the first kiss was always awkward and had to be refined by, hrm,repeated practice, but that was only a small part of the fear that gripped Raven when she thought of actually, really putting lips to lips.

It wasn’t Gar. She fully expected him to be just as bad as she was for a while (and likely longer given how quick she could pick things up). It wasn’t even what might… come after. Not as such. It was just… just… it was Important. Capital “I” Important – that things go well. Despite the promise of a bad first kiss by seemingly everyone who had ever kissed, it had to go right. Too wet or too dry, wrong head tilt, wrong duration, whatever – but she wanted to kiss him and do it over and over again and what if he didn’t want to or what if there was no chemistry or what if she sneezed or got so nervous she vomited or any number of things that would, according to all her latest nightmares, put him off wanting her the way she wanted him.

And he seemed so damn blithe about it. Like he couldn’t be less worried, even though she had felt his pulse race and could practically hear his internal monologue turning into a full blown soliloquy. He had that placid smile and those sparkling eyes and smelled like warmth and pine and it was so stupid how he wouldn’t just admit how nervous he was so they could be nervous together.

No, she had to be the mature one and feel all the butterflies for them both. She could practically hear his corny joke about never getting butterflies because he was vegetarian. Stupid Gar and stupid kissing.

It would happen. She would make it happen. And it wouldn’t be perfect, or probably even a very good kiss, but it would be right. Eventually.

____

There was an awful lot of noise and fleeing civilians for an evening out, even at the pier.

Nightwing sighed from atop his favorite ride at the boardwalk, the Ferris Wheel, as he retrieved his communicator and alerted the team. “Titans, we’ve got work to do. Something big is causing trouble at the east entrance. Star and I are on our way and will meet you there.” With that, he stood up in the precariously rocking carriage and Starfire lifted him by the arms, taking off in the direction of the disturbance. Cyborg, heretofore incognito on a date, immediately excused himself and waded through the crowds, shedding his holo-disguise. He was alerted to his passing teammates by a green blur, and called out to Raven as she passed, asking for a ride on one of her ink-black levitating discs. She obliged and they took off after Changeling’s racing avian form.

Gar was the fastest one to respond in these situations. Superhuman reactions and mobility got him to the trouble faster than any of his teammates, and he was proud of it. It meant that he was the first one to engage the enemy, which was a dangerous gambit when he didn’t know what the enemy was, but someone had to be first on the line when every second was a danger to innocent people. In this case, it was more an annoyance than any real threat. Kitten was throwing a very public and destructive temper tantrum, as she tended to do within a few weeks of release/escape.

Her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Fang, was nearby and suffering the brunt of the auditory assault while a swarm of mutated grubs ate their way through stalls and prizes alike. Kitten was waving the control device as she gesticulated wildly, and the chance to end the whole debacle in one fell swoop was too tempting.

Without waiting for backup or giving away his presence, Changeling darted forward as a seagull, beak agape as he neared the remote. He had timed it perfectly, if not for Fang’s suddenly outstretched spiderleg. The blow sent him tumbling into a pile of cheap stuffed animals and he transformed back into himself. The arguing couple immediately turned their ire on him without ever stopping their argument.

“And now look what you’ve done! Your stupidity got this idiot involved! Why couldn’t you just win me a stupid teddy bear like a normal boyfriend?” Kitten raged as she hammered at the controller, causing the grubs to turn their attention towards the dazed and prone Changeling. Fang launched webbing at him, working at cross purposes as the grubs and giving Changeling just enough time to roll out of the way.

“This is not my fault. You know these games are rigged! Why would I give the money I stole to these scam artists?”

“Because you are supposed to! It’s what boyfriends do! They do stupid stuff because I want you TO!” Kitten screamed and threw her remote onto the ground where it cracked and fizzled. Instead of the expected de-metamorphosis from vicious gnawing grubs to harmless caterpillars, there was a rumbling from deep inside the snack stall and a mass exodus of larvae from the vicinity. Gar had just gotten to his feet when a much larger, toothier, and more armored wriggler burst from the shoddy wooden confines, writhing and shrieking even more shrilly than Kitten, and headed directly towards her and Fang in a headlong charge.

Apparently Kitten’s shouting was enough to distract both of them from their imminent death by squirming tank, and Changeling had to make a tough split-second decision – let them suffer the consequences of their own stupidity, or put himself in harm’s way to save them.

It wasn’t much of a choice. Leaping forward, he transformed into a rhino, a fast moving locomotive of heavy armor and muscle and slammed headfirst into the tank sized larva, diverting it and being whipped aside by the unexpected followthrough of the tail end of the grub.

Raven’s disk touched down just in time to see his head collide with a thick support post that held up the boardwalk, and the sounds of argument fell silent as Kitten and Fang wordlessly assessed the situation and fled. Cyborg called out “Get B. I’ll get the worm,” and launched after the creature.

Raven raced to Garfield’s side, seeing the heavy gash and road rash from sliding across the wood. She assessed him as quickly as possible, noting the broken ribs, bleeding, and, most concerning, the lack of breathing. She channeled her power, reaching her soulself into the unmoving shapeshifter on the ground, and urgently repaired his most vital injuries.

The head wound would wait, they always bled more and looked worse than they were. First the broken ribs, eased out and stabilized enough to hold for a little while. Then the badly punctured lung. As the trapped air was removed and the hole patched, she expected him to cough, sit up, and make a dumb joke. Instead he just lay there, silent. His pulse was fine, and there was no reason for him to be so still.

She did all the steps that the Titans’ first aid training laid out for her, making sure his airway was clear, no pressure preventing his breathing or hidden wounds that would cause more damage, then started mouth to mouth.

It only took a few breaths, as if his body had simply not realized for some seconds that he was able to breathe normally again, before the first unassisted rasps began. Raven let out a sob of relief, feeling like his breath resuming was directly connected to her own oxygen. She continued healing him, clearing his head of blood and strengthening the broken ribs before his eyes opened with a groan.

“Did ya get the license of that truck that hit me?” he said, weakly.

Raven nearly hit him. “That was by far the stupidest thing I have ever seen you do. What were you thinking, charging in like that?”

“Aww c’mon, Rae. I had ta’. And I’m sure you’ve seen me do stupider things.”

“None of them had you puncture a lung and stop breathing, you fool. You didn’t need emergency resuscitation when you tried to do a standing backflip.” A jolt of power zapped him with an icicle of cold to the chest, and he coughed.

“At least I stuck the landing this time, heh. I think I can sit up. Thanks for fixing me up, Doctor Rae.”

She glared, and kept glaring as Nightwing checked in. Fang and Kitten had been apprehended almost peacefully by him and Starfire, and Cyborg had incapacitated the grub easily. She reported the situation, not once taking her eyes off her idiot of a boyfriend.

He rolled to his feet, only a little gingerly, and retrieved the broken pieces of the remote control for Cyborg to repair and reverse the changes to the swarm.

As he stooped down to pick up the last pieces, he stopped, and a look of realization dawned on him.

“Wait, you gave me CPR? Like, mouth-to-mouth?”

“Of course. You weren’t breathing and you needed oxygen before any working brain cells died.”

“Y’know,” he said, sitting back down beside her, “I think that counts as our first kiss.”

Raven went still. It couldn’t. It wasn’t even a kiss, it was legitimate medical treatment. But then again, it wasn’t very good, it was at a weird angle, and there was even the terrible fear that she’d vomit out of worry. It checked all the boxes for the perfect terrible first kiss.

He interrupted her musing, “Too bad I don’t remember it. Maybe we could see if trying again might jog some memories.” He reached his arm across her shoulders, waggling his eyebrows.

“Oh shut up,” she said, and pulled him in for a completely butterfly-free second first kiss.

AO3 FF.net

#bbraeweek21 #bbrae #day 1 #fic

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shadow-assassin-blix · 3 years

Text

How do you like me now

William ‘Ironhead’ Miller x reader

Another song fic. Warnings: dumb ex, shitty parents.

So, I’ve had this one on my mind for a long while, and I may actually write more about this one, like a mini series maybe. I also just like the thought of Will having a kid and the shenanigans.

Everything: @mikeisthricedeceased

Triple Frontier Boys: @artsymaddie @mcrmarvelloki

Yeah, I was always the crazy one broke into the stadium

And I wrote your number on the 50-yard line

Will wouldn’t have admitted openly but when he was younger, he was a lot like Santi in that he slept around a lot. Broke many hearts when he was a teenager. To put it simply? He was an ass.

Time in the army changed that, especially when he met the men who would become his brothers. Between Pope, Catfish, and Redfly he was nowhere near the same person he was when he left high school. Benny liked to tease him a lot, whenever they came home to visit their parents.

In fact, that was what he was currently doing. He, and Benny, were driving home with Santi and Frankie in the back. His parents needed furniture moved out; they were downsizing to a smaller home. So, the four of them were going to be their muscles for it.

Benny was exaggerating many parts of several stories, that caused Will to roll his eyes constantly before correcting him.

He pulled into the driveway of his parent’s home, quietly wondering whose car was parked in front of their house. He shrugged it off not thinking too hard on it. The four of them walked up to the door and knocked.

Their mother, Winnie Miller, opened the door with a smile, “My boys! You’re early!”

She greeted Santi and Frankie as they all came inside with hugs and cheek kisses.

“Figured we may as well get here as soon as possible to start moving stuff out,” Will explained as his mother fretted over him and Benny, stating ‘we were too skinny.’

“Well, I do have some company but that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Come into the kitchen, we just made some cookies,” Winnie said as she led them forward.

Benny bounded forward excitedly rushing past their mother to the kitchen. As they caught up to him, Will noticed he had stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the person sitting at the island.

“Benny, what the hell are y-…” Will started to ask but stopped as he took her in as well.

He muttered her name as he watched her straightened up.

You were always the perfect one and a valedictorian

So under your number I wrote "Call for a good time"

“You mean She-Devil?” Benny grumbled glaring at her.

She waved awkwardly, and said, “Benny. Hey, Will.”

“What are you doing here, Venus?” Will asked her, using her old nickname from high school.

“Just uh… talking…” She answered biting her lip, looking uncomfortable at the attention she was receiving.

“Hm. Talking? Planning on running someone else over?” Benny asked mockingly.

“It was an accident,” She mumbled shaking her head.

“Is that another exaggeration?” Santi asked as he and Frankie moved to stand to the side.

“Nope. She jumped the curb and broke Will’s leg in 3 places!” Benny exclaimed, waving his arms.

Will winced slightly at that and scratched the back of his neck.

“Can you not?” Venus threw back crossing her arms.

“Benny. Chill. Just… go outside with the guys, please,” Will commanded him gently not wanting a fight to start.

Just then a small voice could be heard behind him, “Mommy?”

Venus tensed, taking a deep breath, before passing by him to walk into the living room. On the couch was a little girl, who had been taking a nap.

Will gazed at the girl noting she was about 3 years old, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Blue eyes that looked eerily similar to his own.

“Benny. Seriously, go outside. Calm down,” Will called over his shoulder, his eyes never leaving Venus and her daughter.

He heard Benny huff and storm outside.

“I’ll go… talk to him,” Came Santi’s voice as he followed Benny.

Frankie looked at the two people in the living room, and then at Will. He could very easily connect the dots that was going on within Will’s brain.

Will stepped forward and glanced between her and the child.

“Something you want to tell me?” Will questioned her softly.

She sighed, picking her daughter up, who immediately clung to her neck.

“Her name is Charlotte,” She said quietly.

“…. After my grandmother?” Will murmured lowly.

She nodded once, not making eye contact.

Will nodded, rubbing his hand over his face, exasperated.

He walked back into the kitchen, giving his mother a pointed look.

“Give her a chance to explain,” Winnie pleaded.

He sighed heavily, before turning back around. However, she wasn’t there. He could hear doors closing and the sound of an engine starting up.

“Seems you got some splainin’ to do, brother,” Frankie stated as he snagged a cookie.

Will turned to his mother, and inquired, “How long have you known?”

“A couple of months. She… she was going through some things and came home to deal with some shit with her parents. I saw her at the grocery store with Lottie and knew immediately. Course, she tried to deny it at first, but Lottie looks exactly like you. Can’t fool me,” Winnie explained as Benny and Santi came back in.

“What are we talking about?” Benny was confused as to what he just walked into.

“Nothing,” Will said shortly, turning and walking out of the house.

He knew where she was heading. Same place she always did when she was stressed.

I only wanted to get your attention

But you overlooked me somehow

It was a 15-minute drive to the nearby park, and another 10 minutes following an old hiking path that led to a beautiful pond.

That was where she was, with her… their… daughter who was happily chasing after butterflies.

“Figured you’d be here,” He announced his arrival as he stood near her.

“You always did know me best,” She replied, not looking at him.

Will sat next to her on the worn bench that had been there since they were in high school. He fondly watched their daughter as she began to make flower crowns.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He softly asked her.

“Because it was a one-night stand, after far too many shots. Figured you didn’t want to see me ever again. When I found out I was pregnant… I wanted to tell you but…” She started but her voice faltered at the end.

“But you thought I would reject you?” He supplied as he stared at her, noting her teary eyes.

She nodded in response, “Yeah. Plus, there was… a lot of drama with my parents and I didn’t want to involve you.”

“My mother mentioned that. What happened?” Will wanted answers.

“You remember how I told you about my last ex, when we… were last together?” She began, waiting for his nod. “Imagine their reaction when they found out I was pregnant.”

He rolled his eyes up to the high heavens, “Let me guess? They threw a conniption?”

“…Sorta…” She said softly. “They disowned me.”

Will raised an eyebrow at that, “They what? Seriously?’

“Yep. No inheritance for me. We don’t even really talk anymore. They keep trying to say they’ll forgive me and give it back if I marry someone that they approve. Too bad I am not 16 anymore, desperate for their attention,” She said bitterly.

He snorted at that, “So, my mom discovered your secret. What’s been happening there?”

“She keeps insisting that I come over to eat. Says I’m too skinny. I think she also just likes being a grandma,” She replied with a shake of her head. “I have my own place, I just… go over there to keep her company. Don’t… don’t exactly have any friends here. At least not anymore.”

“Mh. She says that about everyone,” Will smiled. “You still have me.”

She looked over at him surprised, but appreciative. She gently scooted closer to him, giving him a side hug. He returned it, kissing the top of her head.

“Mommy? Who this?” Came Lottie’s voice.

They parted, and looked toward her, and her handful of flowers.

“Lottie. This is Will…your daddy,” She introduced her pulling her in close.

She looked at Will with wide eyes, before making grabby hands toward him. Will chuckled as he picked her up, letting her stand on his legs.

“Hi sweetheart,” He said sweetly to her.

She smiled shyly, looking down at her feet for a moment.

“May I hug you?” Her voice softly asked.

Will nodded with a smile, holding his arms out accepting the hug that she gave him. Her grip tightened after a moment and she collapsed against him. He held her in his arms, glancing over at Venus who was watching them fondly.

Besides you had too many boyfriends to mention

And I played my guitar too loud

An hour later, he was returning home alone. Venus took Charlotte home to finish her nap; they had made plans to have dinner together tonight.

He stepped inside the house with a heavy sigh, tossing his keys onto the side table near the door. He made his way back into the kitchen, where the guys and his parents were gathered drinking lemonade and eating cookies.

He snatched a glass from the cabinet and poured out some lemonade. He took a drink from it as his parents excused themselves to the living room.

“What the hell is going on Will?” Benny asked crossing his arms.

“Better question, who was the babe that apparently ran you over?” Santi chimed in looking at the two of them.

Will walked over to the table, taking a seat, waiting for the guys to join him.

“Venus… was the head cheerleader who I dated for several months. I broke up with her…. a week after we finally slept together… Needless to say…. She didn’t take it well,” Will began to explain.

“‘Didn’t take it well.’ Sure. That’s putting it lightly,” Benny rolled his eyes.

“She really ran you over?” Santi asked incredulously.

Will nodded once, wincing at the memory.

“So, yeah. She did that. Then we never really spoke to one another…until about 4 years ago,” Will continued.

“You saw her 4 years ago? Why? What the hell prompted you to talk to the She-Devil?” Benny questioned angrily.

“Hey, enough with the ‘She devil’ stuff alright? It…. Was some time after Jessica called off our engagement. Was at a bar… so was she… we talked,” Will explained vaguely.

“You mean the two of you got shit faced and slept together?” Santi laughed.

Will shrugged somewhat, avoiding eye contact with Benny.

“She had been engaged herself… and… the guy was killed in a hit and run incident… 3 days before their wedding. Apparently, her parents didn’t approve of him because he was an artist, not something fancy like a lawyer. Her parents had no sympathy for her,” Will cleared his throat briefly. “So, yeah. We drank. We slept together….”

“…made a kid…” Frankie coughed quietly.

Benny’s face became one of pure disbelief before he stood up, shaking his head, and leaving the room.

“The little tyke we saw earlier?” Santi clarified.

Will and Frankie both nodded, with Frankie adding with a tease, “Looked just like Will too. Frown and all.”

Will rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face as he thought about how much Charlotte looked like him.

When I took off to Tennessee

I heard that you made fun of me

Approximately 2 hours later, Will had cleaned up and stood in front of Venus’ apartment. He knocked firmly and heard a small set of feet run to the door. He heard the doorknob jiggle a few times before it finally turned, and the door swung open.

He looked down, spotting his mini me, shyly looking around the door.

“Hi,” She quietly said, opening the door a little wider for him.

“Hey sweetie,” Will greeted her with a smile, stepping inside. “Where’s your mom at?”

“In here!” Came Venus’ voice from further in the apartment.

Charlotte grabbed his pants leg, tugging on it slightly. Will squatted down near her, closing and locking the door as he did.

“Mommy’s trying to impress you, but she’s not the best cook,” Charlotte whispered to him.

Will snorted softly, nodding his head, “She wasn’t a good cook when we were younger either. Let me go see if I can save dinner yeah?”

Charlotte giggled at that, and the two of them made their way toward the kitchen.

Will came up beside Venus and asked, “So, what are you making?”

“It… it was supposed to be chicken alfredo but… apparently the kitchen still hates me when I try to cook because nothing turned out right,” She answered biting her lip, looking dejected as she tried turned off the stove.

Will looked at it and noted that she had burned a great deal of it, and not much could be rescued.

“So… Pizza?” Will suggested looking back at her.

She shrugged, grabbing the takeout menus and setting them out. Will watched as she walked down the hallway, mumbling she was going to clean up a bit. Will ordered the food, and then cleaned the pans, tossing out the inedible food. When the pans were clean, he told Charlotte to go clean up as well, while he checked on Venus.

He walked toward her bedroom, noting the light coming from it. He took a step knocking lightly on the door looking around for her. She wasn’t in the bedroom, so he moved over to the ensuite bathroom.

“Venus? You okay?” He quietly asked her.

He didn’t hear a response, so he gently pushed open the door. She was standing at the sink, glaring down at it. He leaned against the counter, his hand gently resting on top of hers.

She glanced at it, her gaze slowly moving up to meet his.

“Sorry for ruining dinner. Guess I should stick to baking, never have a problem there,” She said to him with a small shrug.

“Sweetie… I knew the second we decided to have dinner, that it would probably be takeout. I don’t mind. Maybe, I need to teach you how to cook…or at least see where you keep going wrong,” Will lightly teased her.

She weakly chuckled, “I might take you up on that. Does… does that mean you may stick around?”

“Probably… We’ll talk more later,” Will promised. “Now, let’s go watch a movie while we wait for pizza.”

She nodded, and without letting go of her hand, he walked with her back to the living room. Charlotte was on the floor in front of the movie case, trying to pick out a movie.

She eventually chose Big Hero Six, the three of them settling onto the couch to watch it. Will got up about 30 mins in to grab and pay for the pizza. Once everyone had a slice, and drinks, they resumed. Charlotte fell asleep after a slice and a half, toward the end of the movie.

Will easily picked her up, following Venus to her room. He tucked her into bed, Venus placing a large polka dot elephant in with her.

When they stepped back out, Venus whispered, “That elephant is her favorite, she will not sleep through the night if it’s not with her.”

“Good to know,” Will whispered back, looking down at her fondly.

Venus could feel her face warm at the look Will was giving her, and felt her breath hitch slightly, as Will leaned down. He paused, waiting to see if she objected to him making a move. When he saw none, he continued, pressing his lips lightly to hers.

Venus froze for a moment, before responding, kissing back more firmly. Will’s hand came to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing against it softly. His other arm, wrapped around her waist, pulling her in close. Her hands clenched at the fabric of his shirt, wrinkling it.

They kissed for what felt like hours but was really only minutes. When they parted, they were breathless.

“Think we should have that talk,” Venus murmured her head resting against his chest.

She felt him nod and the two of them walked back into the living room, sitting on the couch.

For a moment it was quiet, as both of them worked up the courage to speak.

“I want the both of you in my life,” Will started eventually.

“You do?” Venus was surprised.

“Yeah… Not going to lie… seeing you 4 years ago… made me realize just how much I regretted what I did in high school…” Will admitted.

“….Why did you break up with me? Because… you said it was for a bet, but… Andrew didn’t recall such a bet when we dated,” Venus said with a raised eyebrow.

“Can’t believe you dated him. Andrew was such a dick…” Will shook his head. “I broke up with you… because… I was terrified. It was our senior year… I had no plans for college, but you did… Felt like I was going to… hold you back or disappoint you.”

Venus stare at him with wide eyes before smacking him on the arm.

When she heard the satisfying ‘ow’ in response, she spoke, “You were never a disappointment… nor did I think you would hold me back. When I heard you left for the army, I was extremely proud of you. Worried as hell, but proud.”

Never imagined I'd make it this far

Then you married into the money girl

“You were worried for me?” Will asked curiously.

“Yeah. I was. Just because we weren’t together didn’t mean I stopped caring about you. I always wanted to ask your mom about you, but I figured she hated me for the whole… broken leg thing,” she said with a wince.

He laughed at that, “No. She told me I had it coming. Was surprised you didn’t try to hit me twice.”

Venus giggled a little at that.

“Can I ask you something? Why the hell are you still here, in this town with your shit parents?” Will asked her seriously.

“Rent agreement is 6 months. I have another month to get through. Don’t know what I’ll do after that,” Venus said simply.

Will thought for a few minutes, before proposing, “There’s… there’s several houses for rent in Castle Rock… in my neighborhood. You… you and Charlotte could come live near me?”

“Think you could handle us being that close to you? You know Lottie will want to come see you a lot. She… She gets attached quickly. Please don’t break her heart,” Venus requested firmly.

“I understand. I have no plans of hurting either of you, but you and I both know you need to get out of this town. It’s not good for you nor her to be around your parents,” Will said concerned, his hand brushing against her cheek.

“I know… You’re right. I only came back because apparently my grandparents left me everything, and my parents… were not happy. Tough shit,” Venus scoffed. “They keep dragging in lawyers to try and dispute the will. It’s been such a pain in the ass.”

“What exactly is there to dispute? Didn’t your grandparents change their will when we graduated high school?” Will questioned.

She nodded, “Though… most people assumed it was them trying to spoil me. In reality, my parents didn’t approve of me going into architecture. So, they put limits on my accounts, thinking that if they made it difficult for me to pay for things that I would suddenly change my major and do something I had no interest in.”

Will rolled his eyes, thinking back to when they had dated, how her parents never approved him. He wasn’t on the football team, with straight A’s or a plan for college. He played lacrosse, made decent grades and the only thing he look forward to was riding his Harley.

“I guess… the next thing we should talk about is us,” Venus said after a moment.

“Yeah… when… when we last saw each other we were both going through some intense shit. However, I don’t regret it. Or the result of it. Maybe we could… try dating again, not... start over necessarily but…” Will said with a sigh.

“Fresh page sort of thing?” Venus supplied biting her lip for a moment.

“Yeah. That sounds good. Um. So, I going to be here for a few days helping my parent’s move…” Will began.

“Yeah. Your mother has roped me into helping pack up the glassware and such. So… we will be seeing each other a lot… How pissed is Benny?” She asked with a small wince.

“He’ll get over it. But I figured you could meet my best friends and we could go out on more relaxed dates for a time?” Will offered reaching over to take her hand in his.

She smiled and nodded enthusiastically at the suggestion.

Ain't it a cruel and funny world?

He took your dreams, and he tore them apart

The next day rolled around, and as he woke up at 5am exactly like the others, he figured he and Benny needed to talk. He motioned for Benny to step outside with him, and with a frown, he does so.

“Look… I know you don’t like her for the shit she did when we were in high school. However, we were both just as bad. I forgave her for that shit years ago and so did she. I’m going to need you to try and tolerate her. Especially when her daughter is also your niece. Please, do not start a fight,” Will begged him.

Benny stared at him for a few minutes, before finally looking away, mumbling something under his breath.

He sighed heavily, turning to look back at Will who stared at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Sure. I’ll…try…I make no promises,” Benny grumbled after a moment.

“I’ll take it. She should be here in a bit, to help mom pack up,” He warned Benny.

“Why does this matter so much to you? I get wanting to be civil for the kid’s sake, but you always said that you didn’t care about her after y’all broke up,” Benny was trying to understand what was going through his brother’s head.

“… I lied. I… I never her told her this but her parents made sure to let me know that I was just going to hold her back and be a disappointment to her. Well. She knows the latter half… she doesn’t know it came from her parents. I let them get into my head and I broke her heart to make it easier,” Will explained as he tucked his hands into pants pockets.

“Shit… You let those freaks into your head? Explains why you were so miserable for so long,” Benny replied, scoffing.

Will did a half shrug as they walked back inside to see Frankie serving breakfast, waffles and bacon. The four of them ate making plans on which rooms they should work on first. After creating a plan of attack, it was almost 7am and there was a quiet knock at the door.

Benny was the one who went and answered it. Will closed his eyes, tensing, expecting raised voices and fists landing.

Benny answered the door, finding Venus standing there with Charlotte in her arms. Venus straightened up as she realized who stood there.

“Morning,” Benny greeted first.

“Mornin’. Lottie. This is Benny, he’s your uncle. He’s a bit silly,” Venus introduced Charlotte to him, softly.

Charlotte looked at him, shyly waving at him.

“Hi,” She said with a small wave.

“Hey. C’mon in. Frankie made waffles if you’re hungry?” Benny offered waving them in.

“Oooh. Waffles? Waffles are your favorite, isn’t that right sweetie?” Venus cooed to her.

Lottie nodded with a small yawn.

Benny escorted them back into the kitchen where Frankie was cleaning up the mess he made after serving breakfast, and Santi & Will were sitting at the table still. Lottie upon seeing Will, wiggled down in her Venus’ arms, wanting to be set down. Venus placed her on the ground, straightening out her clothes for a moment before letting Lottie run over to Will.

When she stood near him, he immediately picked her up and placed her in his lap, and she curled up into his arms.

Frankie quietly called for Venus’ attention, asking her, “Would she like a full waffle or half?”

“Half. She never finishes a full. Thank you,” Venus said appreciating him as he took a waffle and cut it in half.

He cut a slice of bacon in half as well, before coming over to Will with the food and syrup. Venus quietly grabbed from the fridge a small container of fresh mixed fruit, grabbing a small plastic bowl to scoop some into it. She served the fruit alongside the waffles that Lottie was currently devouring.

“Slow down sweetie, the food isnt going anywhere. You are going to make yourself sick eating that fast,” Venus lightly warned her.

Charlotte slowed down after that, mumbling a quiet sorry.

She finished eating about 20 minutes later, and thanked Frankie for the food, stating, “It was really good.”

Frankie smiled brightly and told her, “You are very welcome, honey.”

By then Will’s parents had woken up and were dressed for the day. They made their own plates and were eating as Benny told them the plan.

Will noticed Venus hadn’t made herself anything and was simply leaning against one of the counters in the kitchen, waiting.

Will stood up, placing Charlotte in his seat with a quick kiss on the head.

Will stood next to her, and said lowly, “There’s plenty of food for you to eat as well.”

Venus sighed softly, “I know. Not really hungry. Never am when my parents call.”

“What did they say this time?” Will asked looking at her with slight concern.

“The usual. I’m a disappointment. We didn’t raise you to be like this. If you just did what we asked, things would be easier for the both of you. We want to know our granddaughter and you are depriving us. Blah Blah Blah,” Venus said in a monotoned voice.

“Tch. They had plenty of opportunities to get to know her. Don’t let them ruin your day, simply because they want to be manipulative and guilt trip you,” Will stated matter-of-factly.

Venus nodded, understanding him, but it was still difficult to do. She had heard the same lines long before she left high school. In fact, she started hearing them when she dated Will because he wasn’t on their approved list of suitors. Honestly, that fact alone made her like Will even more, because it meant she didn’t have to put on a façade.

They didn’t get to say much more as his parents finished up, and his mother wandered over to her to start wrapping and packing up the fragile items. It was quiet work as the guys moved out furniture onto a truck, some furniture was going to their new place in Denver, but many others were being donated to other families in town who needed them.

Charlotte helped by dispensing tape for a while before growing bored and running to go supervise the guys. Venus shook her head, chuckling.

“It seems things are going pretty well with you and Will…” Winnie’s teased her. “I notice he didn’t come home until late last night.”

Venus cleared her throat, as she felt her face warm up. After their talk, they had spent a great deal of time… getting reacquainted with one another.

“I have no idea what you are talking about Winnie,” She replied her voice cracking halfway through.

“I haven’t seen him happy in a long time. Or that relaxed. He is usually always tense when he comes home, no matter who is with him or what is going on. I assume he knows what’s going on?” Winnie asked her as they taped up some boxes.

“Yeah. He knows. Told me that uhh… there are some houses up for rent around his neighborhood. I might… see into that,” She informed Winnie, her movements slowing down as she thought about it.

“What’s that big ol’ brain of yours thinking now? I can see you getting lost in your thoughts. Or should I say your insecurities,” Winnie was always able to see right through her.

“Just… worried he’s going to change his mind… about us… about Charlotte. I don’t want to live closer to him just to have my heart broken again,” Venus confessed quietly.

“I understand. You cannot tell him I ever told you this but… when you were teenagers your father said a lot of things to him. Made him feel like this relationship was only going to end in misery. He left because he thought it was best despite the fact that he was miserable without you,” Winnie’s voice dropped as well.

Venus stared at her surprised. Everything made so much more sense now. She never understood why the breakup and even though Will had told her last night that he felt like he would be disappointment, she still didn’t understand where that came from. Now she did. Her father planted seeds of doubt and the both of them suffered because of it.

He never comes home, and you're always alone

And your kids hear you cry down the hall

A few hours had passed, and they had moved furniture out of at least 3 rooms and moved them to their new homes. Will chuckled as he watched Charlotte, or Charlie as Benny has taken to calling her, played with Benny in the front yard.

Benny and Frankie had stripped off their over shirts, Benny in a tank and Frankie in a simple white tee. Will and Santi had taken their shirts off completely, all four of them trying to cool off as they rested.

Venus stepped outside at that point with an armful of water bottles. She passed one out to everyone, checking on Charlotte.

“Sweetie, why don’t you come sit in the shade for a bit,” She said bringing her over to the porch.

Charlotte got onto the porch swing, drinking from her small water bottle, with a sigh. Venus quietly looked her over, noting she looked like she had a bit of sunburn on her shoulders.

Venus looked over at the guys who were sprawled out all over the yard.

“Ya know… there’s this thing called air conditioning inside the house. If ya’ll want to crawl back inside. Drink your water… there’s also cold beer,” She tempted the four of them.

At the mention of cold beer, Benny and Santi popped up immediately, making their way inside. Frankie got up as well, but not as quickly. He chugged down his water, muttering a thanks to Venus as he joined the guys inside. Charlotte after a moment, followed them in as well, wanting to cool off.

Will, who was sitting on the steps, simply patted the spot next to him. Venus joined him with a smile, leaning against him lightly.

“So, your mom doesn’t want the four of you to strain yourselves. She wants you to take it easy tomorrow. I was thinking… maybe… we could go check out those rent houses if you were up for it,” Venus proposed, her chin resting against his bicep as she stared at him.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Charlotte can come with or she can stay here and be doted on by her grandparents,” Will said with a small chuckle.

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll want to stay here since Grandma Winnie plans to make more cookies tomorrow,” Venus said a smile on her face.

They spoke a little while longer, making plans for tomorrow, when a car pulled up to the house. A very nice and expensive car.

Venus stared at it with narrow eyes as she watched Andrew McIntosh step out.

“What are you doing here Andrew?” She asked him not bothering to stand up.

“Well. Your dear ole mother said you were refusing to answer her calls and wanted to know if you were okay. So, she asked me to come check on you,” Andrew answered looing at the house with disinterest.

“Well. I’m fine as you can see. Now leave. I don’t want to see or speak to you ever again,” Venus growled her body tensing with anger.

Will quietly placed his hand on her shoulder, before standing up.

He squared up in front of Andrew and said, “You’ve done your task, now get off my property.”

Andrew scoffed at him, “Can’t believe you. You were so desperate to get away from her. Kept claiming she was so damn clingy and needy.”

“No. That was you. I vaguely remember knocking you on your ass for it too. Seriously, get off my property before I remind you of all the times I kicked your ass when we were younger,” Will promised him.

Andrew shook his head, but even Venus could see that he was nervous, as he backed away. Andrew walked away and got back into his car, driving away.

Venus stood up as Will turned around, he took a deep breath to calm himself down.

“You really need to block your parents,” Will said after a moment.

“I know. She called once and then sent that shithead to come “check on me.” Most likely he’s going to go back to my mother and tell her I’m here and then I’ll get yet another phone call today. Such fun for me,” Venus said with a roll of her eyes.

Venus stared at him for a moment, before slowly wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms went to her waist, instinctively.

“Thank you for defending my honor. I appreciate it. I regret ever dating him,” She muttered to him.

She stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. He kissed her back, deepening the kiss. They kissed for a good minute before parting. The two of them smiled at each other before heading inside, holding hands.

As the guys drank and cooled off, Venus took the opportunity to bring Charlotte to the spare bedroom and apply some soothing lotion to her shoulders before putting her down for a nap. Once she was asleep, which didn’t take long, Venus stepped back out into the living room, and took a seat next to Will as they all talked.

About 30 minutes had passed when her phone began to ring. She glanced at the screen noticing the name was Horrid Woman aka her mother. Will noticed it and motioned for her to answer it. She does so, staring at him curiously. When it connected, he hit the speaker button.

“Young lady. You have so much explaining to do. Why in the world are you with that… that… hoodlum? You are going to send me to an early grave I swear. Enough is enough. It is time for you to come home and stop this nonsense. We’ve allowed you to have your rebellious phase, but it is now time for you to grow up and act like an adult. I swear I don’t know where I went wrong with you,” Her mother’s shrill voice ranted.

“‘That hoodlum?’ Seriously mom? Can you sound more like an 80s sitcom? I am not coming home. I am not going through a phase. Stop calling. Stop sending people to check on me. I don’t want anything to do with you, or dad,” Venus spoke calmly but her rage was stirring.

“Why I never… He is no good for you. All he will do is disappoint you and break your heart again. He’s done it once before,” Her mother continued.

“Yeah. about that… tell me mother… how much shit were you and dad spewing to him when we were together? Hmm? The way I see it, I was happy, and you couldn’t control me anymore. So, you two did what you do best: destroyed everything. Got me back under your thumb for a time. Sadly, for you, I am not a teenager desperate for your love and attention. I’m blocking this number, do not call me ever again,” Venus ended the call, blocking it immediately.

Venus tossed her phone onto the coffee table, standing up and walking down the hallway needing to be alone for a minute.

Benny was the first to react, “How are her parents still that much of a nightmare?”

Will shrugged, standing up as well, searching for her. He eventually found her in the laundry room, small sniffles filling the room. He gently pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried quietly. He often found her in a similar state when they were younger, hidden away somewhere to cry in private after an argument with her parents. He knew from past experiences, to just be there for her and let her cry.

Alarm clock starts ringin' who could that be singin'

It's me baby, with your wake up call

The rest of the evening went smoother, the guys crashed in the bedroom they had been in last night. Will and Venus crashed on the couch, curled around each other. They fell asleep together, enjoying one another’s company.

Venus woke up, with her back to Will’s chest. She opened her eyes, feeling something nudging her. She looked down to see Lottie trying to join them. She checked the time, noting it was still early morning. She repositioned herself to lie on her back and pulled Lottie onto her chest, tossing the blanket over her.

“Bad dream sweetie?” Venus quietly asked her.

Charlotte nodded once, burying her face into her chest. Will, who woke up slightly, wrapped his arms around the both of them. The 3 of them fell back to sleep for a few more hours.

Winnie woke up a bit early, getting dressed, and making her way downstairs. She stopped short when she spotted the scene that was before her on the couch. She pulled out her phone to take a photo of it. Some time in the night they had shifted to where Will was on his back, Venus tucked under one arm, and Charlotte sprawled out on his chest.

Winnie made her way into the kitchen, finding the boys in the kitchen making breakfast.

“Good morning my boys. Ready to be my packing helpers today?” Winnie asked them, making herself a cup of coffee.

“Yes ma’am,” Santi answered, handing her a plate of food.

“One second, let me go and get my grandbaby. She’s an inch away from rolling off them and onto to the floor,” Winnie said setting her cup down next to the plate.

Winnie made her way over to them, gently waking Charlotte up as she picked her up off of Will’s chest. Charlotte grumbled a moment before rubbing at her eyes, slowly waking up.

“Good morning my sweet. Let’s go get dressed and have breakfast, hmm” Winnie cooed to her taking her to the spare bedroom.

Will woke up when he heard his mother, opening his eyes eventually. He looked down at Venus, gently waking her up too. Venus stretched gently, slowly sitting up. The two of them quietly got up and got ready for the day, parting briefly to go to separate rooms.

Will stepped out, watching with some surprise as Venus and Benny talked at the island, and were actually being civil with one another. Charlotte was with his mom, eating quietly, and his dad was talking to Santi and Frankie over coffee. He took in the moment, sighing softly.

How do like me now? Yeah

How do you like me now?

Eventually, later on that morning, Venus and Will were in his neighborhood meeting with the realtor that had been working with his parents. The realtor was an older woman named Susan, who gave off mom vibes.

Susan had about 4 houses for Venus to look at. The first two were no’s due to the amount of work that they needed to be done for both of them. The third one was small and not in the best location. The fourth one was alright, not too terrible and was down two streets from his.

“This one has 3 beds, 2 baths. Open floor space for the kitchen and living room. And of course, a nice backyard for any little ones,” Susan said as she showed them the house.

Then one appeared to be the winner; an hour later she had signed all of the necessary documents and was given the key to her new home. By the time everything was said and done, it was late in the afternoon. Will had a small idea, and instead of driving out of the neighborhood, drove her to his place.

He parked the car, and led her inside telling her, “Figured you and I could have dinner together. Catch up. Have… have some alone time.”

She smiled brightly at that, nodding her head.

Now that I'm on my way

Do you still think I'm crazy

They spent the evening together, enjoying one another’s presence. That night they slept together, exploring each other’s bodies. Since they were alone, they could be as loud as they wanted to. They fell asleep in each other’s arm, content.

When they woke up, Venus felt oddly on edge. It took her a few minutes to fully realize why she felt strange.

“As much as I like this… can we head back to your parent’s? I’m not used to being away from Charlotte for so long,” Venus requested once she thought about it.

Will nodded, understanding, “I get it. Let’s get dressed and we can head back to the house.”

They do just that, and when they pull up to the house, and make their way up to the door, Will threw his arm around her shoulders, kissing her cheek.

They stepped inside, and immediately were ambushed by a small child who rapidly spoke about her day.

“Honey, you gotta slow down a bit there,” Venus laughed picking her up.

“Uncle Benny let me watch movies until midnight and we ate popcorn and candy. Uncle Santi and Frankie went to bed early, but they helped me build a blanket fort in the living room,” She repeated going slightly slower.

“Oh? Uncle Benny gave you sugar after 10pm? Oh no. That means my little gremlin will appear soon, doesn’t it?” Venus said somewhat joking but also with a hint of dread.

Charlotte had a tendency to have a sugar rush and crash, but she gets extremely grumpy when she is about to crash.

“Well. You are about to experience a potential temper tantrum,” She warned Will as Lottie wanted to go back to Benny, running.

“I’m sure I can handle it, doll. Dealt with these 3 children for the past 10 years. Trust me, nothing she does will compare to them,” Will said softly.

An hour into moving more furniture out, the dreaded crash began to take hold. Charlotte was refusing to do anything that she was asked. She would either ignore the person talking to her or she would stomp away. Venus sighed heavily as she walked after her, after Venus told her to go sit somewhere safe while the guys were lifting heavy furniture.

She finds her on the staircases, arms crossed, frowning, and staring at the floor.

“Lottie. C’mon. Let’s go sit somewhere,” Venus held out her hand for her to take.

Charlotte just shakes her head, pushing her hand away.

“Charlotte,” Venus said more firmly.

“NO!” Came her voice loudly.

Will, who was helping clear out a nearby room, heard the shout. Will walked toward the sound, spotting Venus standing there with her eyes closed as she tried to calm herself down. Venus knew it was because Charlotte was tired, but her refusing to listen to her was frustrating.

“Lottie. Can you come here sweetie?” Will asked squatting down.

Charlotte slowly walked over to him, frown still in place.

“What’s the matter? Hm? Are you tired?” Will questioned, his voice soft.

Lottie, after a moment, nodded.

“Then why don’t we go take a nap hm?” Will proposed, moving to pick her up.

“But I don’t wanna nap!” She said as she squirmed in his grip.

“Then how about we just lay down for a moment?” Will countered as they stepped into her room.

He laid her down, and even joined her on the tiny bed.

“Sweetie. You can’t be yelling at your mom, okay? She was just wanting to keep you safe. We are moving a lot of really heavy stuff. If we didn’t see you or if we lost our grip on something and you were nearby, it would really hurt you, okay?” His voice stayed soft as he spoke to her.

She nodded her head, “I’m sorry daddy.”

Will still wasn’t used to hearing her call him that. Hell, he doubted he ever will. Hearing her call him ‘dad/daddy’ made his heart swell with so much emotion.

“It’s not me you need to say that to,” He tells her.

Lottie yawned loudly, her eyes drifting she shut as she mumbled an ‘okay.’

He waited a few minutes, to make sure she was asleep, before standing up. He tucked her polka dot elephant in with her, before closing the door behind as he stepped out.

He made his way back to Venus who stared at him with wide eyes.

“Magic. You are magic. I’ve… I’ve never been able to get her to go down for a nap that easily when she’s upset,” Venus stated in disbelief.

“Told you. Dealt with grumpier children. And all 3 of them are my brothers,” Will said with a shrug.

A chorus of “hey’s” came from the other room, causing them to laugh.

Standing here today?

I couldn't make you love me

That had been about 5 months ago. In that time, Venus and Charlotte had moved into the new house and Will practically lived there. They had gone on several dates, some with Charlotte and some without. On those dates, Grandma Winnie was more than happy to spoil her “favorite grandchild.”

When Will wasn’t with them, he was still doing his lectures and meets at the VA offices. Or working with Benny during his tournaments. It felt strange to say it, but Will found himself enjoying life more. It didn’t feel like a monotonous routine; it wasn’t boring anymore.

Will was currently on his way back from a tournament that Benny came in second place. Benny was bummed out and had planned to meet up with Santiago to go drinking. Will was tired, having been up since 3 am and wanting nothing more than to just collapse into a bed. He had planned on going to his home but found himself turning onto Venus’ street.

He pulled up to the house, parking with a heavy sigh. He got out of his car, walking up to the door and knocking twice. A minute passed and the door swung opened revealing Venus who was in just a silk nightgown.

“Hey, I heard about the tournament. How’s Benny doing?” She asked as she let him inside.

“Upset but that’s nothing new. He’ll be fine by morning. Is Lottie asleep?” Will questioned noting how quiet the house was despite it being 8pm.

“Grandma Winnie decided she wanted to steal her for the night. Something about a Disney movie marathon? So… It’s just us,” She explained softly, biting her lip.

“Oh… is that so?” Will smirked as he slid his hands around her waist.

He swiftly picked her up and carried her to her room, wanting to take advantage of this time. Her giggles sounded down the hallway before turning into moans as they landed on her bed.

Despite the fact that they’ve been dating almost 5 months, they haven’t been able to do anything too salacious without something interrupting them.

Tonight, apparently would be no different. Will had just tossed off his shirt and was working her nightgown off when a phone rang. Will collapsed with a groan, Venus growling loudly in annoyance.

Venus reached over to grab her phone and answered it with a sigh, “Hello?”

“Hey honey, I am so sorry to interrupt but I wanted you to know that Charlotte is running a fever. I gave her some children’s Tylenol, but she keeps asking for you and Will. He wouldn’t happen to be there with you, would he?” Came Winnie’s worried voice.

“Shit. Yeah. He’s with me. We’ll be over in a little bit,” Venus replied sitting up with Will.

“No need. I am on my way already. She was very adamant that only your chicken noodle soup would help,” Winnie said with a weak laugh.

“Okay. We’ll be here,” Venus said as she hung up. “Lottie has a fever. Your mom is bringing her back.”

“Was she feeling bad when she left?” Will asked as he threw his shirt back on.

“She had said she felt like her nose was stuffed but I figured it was just allergies. She didn’t say anything else was wrong,” Venus answered, concern lacing her features.

“Well, we will make her some soup and go from there. C’mon,” Will nodded, kissing her cheek trying to assure her.

The two of them got up, and made their way into the kitchen, fixing themselves up as they moved. It didn’t take long for a knock to sound on the door. Will, leaving Venus to heat up soup, answered it.

“Hey ma,” He greeted before turning his attention to Lottie in her arms. “Hey lil bug. What’s wrong my sweet girl?”

He gently took her from his mother’s arms and held her close as she sniffled.

“Don’t feel good,” Charlotte whispered, her voice sounding scratchy.

“Ohno. Well. Momma’s making soup and then you are going to bed,” Will told her as he walked into the kitchen.

His mother came in and told Venus when she gave Charlotte medicine and symptoms and such. Once she was done with that, she made her way back home.

Charlotte quietly ate her soup when it was done, coughing once or twice. She finished about 20 minutes later before turning to Venus, holding her arms out to her. Venus, with a soft smile, picked her up and carried her to Lottie’s room, tucking her in softly.

Will was waiting for Venus in her room when she stepped inside.

“You know she’s going to be in here in like 20 minutes, right?” Will joked as the both of them crawled under the covers.

“I know. Habit to just tuck her into her own bed. Plus, she might not, she was practically asleep when I laid her down,” Venus said as she laid down on her side, curling up to Will who was on his back.

Will hummed quietly in response as the two of them laid there in comfortable silence.

15 minutes later, Venus was asleep, and Will was almost there too when he felt a small tug on his side of the blanket. He looked down to see Charlotte quietly staring up at him. He leaned down slightly, picking her up and letting her crawl under the covers. She collapsed onto his chest, one arm firmly holding her polka dot elephant.

She was out in seconds, and as Will wrapped his other arm around her, he looked at the both of them. His beautiful daughter and the woman he was falling back in love with.

He never imagined this. He never thought he would have this: a family to call his own. He loved it far more than he would ever admit.

But I always dreamed about living in your radio

How do you like me now?

It has been a year since Venus re-entered his life with Charlotte. Since then, Will had moved into her house and sold his old place.

The three of them were currently getting ready to go out to dinner with the guys. It didn’t take very long for them to get dressed and on the road.

They arrived at the restaurant, joining the guys with smiles. Frankie had Isabella with him, who was giggling happily when she saw Charlotte. The two of them became fast friends and had play dates often.

Charlotte sat in Will’s lap and gently played with Isabella who was in a highchair. Venus and Will ordered their drinks before looking over the menu.

The guys chatted happily with them, ordering their meals as they talked.

Lottie gently tugged at Venus’s hand, quietly telling her she needed to go potty. Venus took Lottie to the bathroom, swiftly.

“So… when you going to propose to her?” Frankie asked casually as he took a sip of his beer.

“Soon. I got the ring earlier today,” Will said with a small smile.

“Real question is which one of us is going to be the best man?” Benny asked with a smirk.

“She’s gotta say yes, first, dumbass. Then I’ll decide which of you asses will be my best man,” Will laughed.

Charlotte popped up next to him a second later.

“Daddy. Mommy looks mad,” Charlotte tells him, looking over at her.

Will’s head whipped over to look at Venus who had been stopped by Andrew McIntosh, his hand gripping her arm tightly. Will sat Charlotte on Benny’s lap, muttering for her to stay there.

Will strolled over to them, his fists clenching.

“Andrew. Get your hands off of her,” Will commanded him, his rage brewing.

Venus held a hand up to him, gently telling him to stop.

Venus looked at Andrew and said, “Stop bothering me. Stop reporting to my mother. Leave me alone.”

Venus ripped his hand off of her arm. When Andrew tried to reach for her again, Venus threw a punch out at him, a sickening crack sounding as she broke his nose. Andrew groaned as he held his nose, blood oozing from it. Andrew glared at her, moving to go after her, but Will stepped in between them.

“You put your hands on her again and a broken nose will be the least of your concerns,” Will warned him.

Andrew huffed, walking away with a glare.

Will turned to her and checked her over really quickly.

“You okay?” He asked her, his eyes examining her arm.

“Yeah. I’m good. Been wanting to do that since we were 7,” Venus said with a laugh as they walked back over to the table.

Will shook his head, smirking.

Dinner went without any further incident and they made their way back home. Charlotte wanted to watch a movie, so Will put on Beauty and the Beast for her.

As she watched it, Will and Venus stood in the kitchen quietly talking.

“What did he say to you?” Will asked her.

“Same old bullshit. I’ve learned to not care about it anymore. I have you and Lottie. That’s all I want and need,” Venus answered with an eyeroll.

Will looked at her for a moment before reaching into his pocket, pulling out the small velvet box he had hidden in there.

He gently opened it, presenting the ring inside.

“I was planning on doing this more romantically but… I don’t want to wait any longer. I want to call the both of you mine. That is… if you’re up for that,” He began, hesitating.

Venus stared at him in surprise, not expecting this.

She gently pulled the ring out of its box, looking at it for a moment, before slipping it onto her left hand.

“Yeah. I’m up for that. Shall we go tell our daughter?” Venus asked smiling brightly.

“In a moment,” Will muttered pulling her in close, kissing her softly.

If someone had told him a few years ago that he would be proposing to the girl he was in love with from high school, he would’ve thought they were insane. However, he wouldn’t have traded this for the world. He had his daughter and the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Tell me, baby

I will preach on

#william ironhead miller #will ironhead miller x reader #Triple Frontier #Song Fic #will miller x reader

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kaminohana · 3 years

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the meme man full analysis

Yeehaw here we go. Analysis of Mikoto Kayano’s video and song, along with some theories about the many themes and symbols in the video. Note: If there’s any other supplemental material for him out there, I haven’t read it. This is just an analysis with the music video we were given. If I happen to miss stuff that was mentioned before, I may talk about it in another post lmao

I was SUPER invested in this video as I watched it and soon realized “Oh shit, I think Mikoto’s plural”. Cuz, you know, I’m plural too (not disclosing what kind) and it felt SO good to see some actual parallels to stuff I go through- though of course not to Mikoto’s degree.

That said, I feel I should make a disclaimer in passing: yes, portraying your only plural character as homicidal ain’t the best representation. But, you know, we’ve seen other cases like that in Milgram so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Personally, I’m not that offended because the execution is SO top-notch. Though, hey, I totally understand how this can be very frustrating to other systems to see plurality depicted in such an unhealthy light- if it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

Keep in mind the point of the Milgram series is to make you uncomfortable in so quickly incriminating someone; if you’re hesitating to determine someone as guilty, hey, that’s probably intended and good! It’s about personal decision, so I’m not going to judge you one way or the other in voting. I just find it fascinating how these videos can put us in such conflict. This is all just my own perspective, BTW, so if you disagree with some of these points, good! I’m just hoping to share my thoughts since I can make a lot of connections. I’m by no means an expert in plurality or tarot, I just have some background in both and decided to try my hand at this analysis, so I really don’t the final say on what’s going on in the video.

Now, onto the actual video analysis.

I’m sticking with the basic idea that Mikoto is split into two parts; his more loveable, gentler side, which I referred to in another post as Softboy Mikoto, and the more violent side which may be acting as a catharsis to his frustrations. I referred to this side previously as the Devil alter, as he is depicted with the Devil major arcana tarot card. I can see how this could be taken badly, so for now I’m just going to refer to him as the shadow alter. There are many themes of duality in the video, most commonly with the symbol of the half moon which appears so many times. Shadow of the moon etc etc. I’ll be bringing this up several times as I analyze the lyrics. I’ll be breaking down the lyrics as evidence to support the idea that Mikoto is plural, and to show how softboy Mikoto (and shadow alter Mikoto) view this particular relationship and how this culminates in murder. Sometimes I refer to Mikoto (as a whole), softboy Mikoto, or shadow alter Mikoto depending on what I’m trying to describe in the below.

First piece: the title. MeMe. Me x2. A dead giveaway, like Umbilical. Also, it can be a meme, which is interesting taking the definition of the word meme in this context: “an element of a culture or system of behavior passed from one individual to another by imitation or other nongenetic means” (Oxford Dictionaries). HMMMM. I know memes are generally within the context of a community, but I think it’s interesting to actually apply this to Mikoto. What exactly is being passed on? Could we argue that Mikoto’s frustrations from one of his parts is being passed on to the other? Interesting to think about, though it may not be relevant.

Going into the lyrics:

So from here I’m guessing there was a point in Mikoto’s life where his plurality was not an issue; or, potentially, there was a time before his split. These were the good times.

Playing dead vs. being alive – representing duality. May refer to how, when one side has their way, the other is locked away in the headspace with no control, thus feeling like being dead. In the context of “if only”, perhaps he’s wishing that he just didn’t do anything if only to prevent things from getting this far.

“If” I could end- I believe Mikoto (particularly softboy Mikoto) is saying “Hey, I have no control over my other side. If I did, would things still be the same? Would I still be ‘letting’ this happen?”

“Keep it” and “hide it away” I feel like are both representative of his shadow alter and of the desires that alter represents. Many words related to destruction are tied to this alter, so it could be seen as Mikoto trying to hide those urges as well.

“’I’ will save ‘me’”- this is a very interesting line that I think very well encapsulates the shadow alter’s initial motives; he’s saying “hey, I’m going to take care of us,” I believe to try and convince softboy Mikoto to let him out. As far as if softboy Mikoto can actually “let” him out is TOTALLY up for debate.

Part of the reason I refer to the other alter as softboy Mikoto is because there are softer words I notice used by him in the song; here’s I’m seeing “snuggle”, so I think this side of him is more vulnerable and soft.

SWITCH, shake up that brain- wow couldn’t be any more obvious here

This is where the chorus starts. This I think is from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, PARTICULARLY when he’s trapped in the headspace. There are many forms of plurality IRL in which alters cannot simultaneously front, so one or more are “pushed” back into the headspace. This very act occurs several times throughout the song in the weird minimalist vaporwave shadow realm room, where the tarot cards are. During this time, we can assume that is when the shadow alter is fronting. Softboy Mikoto slowly starts to become more helpless and fearful in this space as the song goes on, and this is where he makes his celtic cross tarot spread that quite frankly defines the whole song. I discussed that in my other post.

Another facet of plurality that is applied here is amnesia, which is common, especially when alters are pushed back to the headspace. Within the headspace, there may be a lack of awareness to the outside world, which Mikoto seems to express in his confused sentiments like the above (in the video, he is also scratching his head, which as a gesture can represent being confused). “Why am I here?” can act as a double entendre, both referring to “Why have I suddenly been pushed to this headspace?” as well as the whole point of Milgram- “Why am I in prison?”. He may not be aware of exactly what he did, hence why he feels it’s a mistake. He may be experiencing amnesia of what his shadow alter is doing, so he doesn’t even know what crime he committed. However, he at least has enough awareness to tell someone else is present in his body doing things, so he begs the viewer “Hey, just watch whatever my body is doing and it’ll all eventually make sense. I don’t have access to this information, but you do.” I thought this was an interesting fourth wall break.

The truth revealing itself could also be the truth coming to light from the particular tarot reading he does in the headspace; note that the cards only seem to be appear in this place and not in the outside world. So softboy Mikoto is trying to figure out what’s going on this way. If he can’t figure it out himself, maybe the cards can give him some direction.

Another duality- “I won’t forgive you if you reveal the truth” vs. “However I know I’m right when I say I’m innocent”. Or he could be right about something else.

I’m wondering if the breaking here is just reflecting the shadow alter or is softboy Mikoto actually wishing he could end the shadow alter. He at least wants things to change; the way things are right now is not something he’s okay with. Though, it sounds like he isn’t getting help with this and has no idea if he can even arrest full control again. It seems at this point, this has been going on for a while so he’s stopped trying.

In the video, the shadow alter is doing a GREAT job hiding the evidence; while of course probably just trying to not get caught, the shadow alter may also be trying to hide his crime from softboy Mikoto so he’s none the wiser.

He’s hoping he can be rid of the shadow alter side, but I think he also is dumping all his difficult feelings onto the shadow alter. Maybe he feels its some sort of release, even if he can’t control it, so he feels a lot of guilt over the shadow alter’s existence, even though that alter is serving a purpose as a conduit for those emotions.

I really really think though that there IS some connection between softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto. Maybe they are both truly aware of each other, hence the scene where they are viewing each other through the mirror. I think here, softboy Mikoto might be admitting that it feels good to let the shadow alter out, like a hug. The “minus energy” probably refers to the shadow alter.

“Maybe it’s okay that we’re separated like this?” he wonders. There seems to be a sense of feeling alive at least that is conveyed through the shadow alter.

SPLIT IN HALF- yeah, again, pretty encompassing.

In the video, I think this is when we have a switch, as Mikoto’s expression changes in the outside world mirror.

The chorus again, softboy Mikoto is shoved into the vaporwave shadow realm headspace. He’s asking the audience to investigate him here, but I also like to joke that he’s like “uwu look at me I could never harm anybody, pwease let me out”, which may be true only so far as softboy Mikoto is out.

I wonder if in “I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me” is directed at the shadow alter instead of the audience? Like softboy Mikoto is saying “I swear to god if you murdered someone im gonna be so pissed, but I also already kinda know it’s happening.” Just another take.

In the video, softboy Mikoto is THROWN into the headspace, where he is gifted with just one hint of what’s going on: The Devil tarot card.

You DARE accuse Miette of murder? Oh! 1000 years jail for Milgram viewer!

Now the vaporwave space starts to turn into a bloody mess; perhaps now softboy Mikoto is starting to put two and two together.

“Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it”- I definitely understand this being plural, like if your alters are causing problems, you may try and chastise them, or you may try and lock them away deep inside, but that often doesn’t stop them from existing. It’s really cool how that idea is present here. Like YES that’s how it is quite often. So even if softboy Mikoto TRIES to smother or accuse his shadow alter, that’s not going to change anything.

It being the same anywhere he goes makes me think he’s been putting up with this for a long time, that it’s not about what environment he’s in because his shadow alter is with him everywhere he goes.

“It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong”- may be referring to multiple things:

-the shadow alter having a different morality (hence why murder is okay for him, his indulgence in smokes and…redbull/alcohol, etc)

-OR, how softboy Mikoto’s amnesia isn’t letting him understand the full picture so everything is okay when he’s out fronting (shadow alter cleaned the place up and stuff, perhaps hiding all evidence of murder)

-“I’m already the fake one”- a very common sentiment for plural folks, worrying if you as an alter aren’t “the original” or if you’re not actually split and it’s something you’re making up, etc. I think softboy Mikoto is having these feelings. Poor boy, wish we could get you some therapy instead :/ (all of Milgram would be very different if only most of these people could get therapy, let’s be honest)

Now, what’s special here is that BOTH alters are in the headpace, with shadow alter Mikoto looming ominously behind softboy Mikoto.

During this next instrumental, just a side note: we see what’s going on through security footage. The security cameras reflecting a third person perspective is kind of neat in context of pluralism, where someone else fronting can feel like a third person awareness to another alter. I may be thinking too much into this one, but it’s a fun connection.

Another thing many plural folk go through: DISSOCIATION FROM REALITY. Ah yes, my good friend dissociation. Especially like in Mikoto’s case, where the consequences of being split have drastic consequences, he could be running away from the truth which may always be partially concealed to him. Something’s VERY wrong, he knows this for sure, and it may be at this point he really realizes “Oh shit. I just committed murder.” But instead of taking responsibility in any way, he’s trying to imagine that it’s a fabricated reality. I’m not going to say if this makes him bad or not, but it is a known coping mechanism.

I know I mention that the bad habits of smoking and drinking may be the shadow alters habits, but they could also be softboy Mikoto’s own methods of escapism, which definitely fits with the above lyrics. “I need to wake up soon”- but he still realizes that he’s going to have to face the harsh truth of reality soon.

Now this point indicates a marked change in softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto’s relationship: I believe there may be a time when softboy Mikoto expects to come back out to the front, but now the shadow alter is starting to take over fully and keep softboy Mikoto locked inside. This is supported by the Outcome card in his celtic cross spread being The Devil. Not only does this card have its own meanings, but here it may mean that the more violent side of him takes over.

Again, don’t know if he’s talking to the audience or his shadow alter in never forgiving this outcome. I believe softboy Mikoto does have a clearer morality in that murder is NOT okay, and if he were to fully acknowledge that he as a whole was capable of that, I think he’d break down. So he’s like “it better NOT be true” because he doesn’t know how he’d be able to deal with that.

Interesting in the video is when Mikoto snaps and the headspace turns red again; I would think this is when the shadow alter is entering the scene and taking over. The snap here is symbolic of the switch.

Now presumably softboy Mikoto is like “PWEASE WET ME OUT MISTEW OBAMA”, which, again with the double meaning, can refer to letting him out of the vaporwave shadow realm headspace OR letting him out of prison. Both apply.

“That it’s a lie

That I’m right”- a nice duality here. Mikoto is having difficulty separating the truth from reality.

Also NOW he is forgiving. Forgiveness vs not forgiveness (grudge)

I think it’s gotten so bad that he’s like “okay fine. Fine if I committed murder, fine if you’re accusing me of murder, but please help me understand what’s going on. Let me out”. Maybe he’ll forgive the shadow alter if only he fesses up to the murder.

Of note for the scene however is that shadow alter Mikoto is holding up The Fool card, which represents softboy Mikoto in this case. “I’m right” may be the shadow alter’s sentiment.

-THE CARDS AT THE END-

Then, all the cards show up in more detail, all depicting weapons instead of the standard minor arcana that you might see in your standard Rider Waite tarot deck (which these are based off of). The Wands are baseball bats, the Swords are kitchen knives, the Cups are…poison cans? Acid? The Pentacles are….records but I can see these being rotary saws if you squint. The Wheel of Fortune has car wheels with a snake….GTA time baby (the snake being hidden danger, the devil’s temptation, etc). The chariot is a really weird motorcycle death machine. I was thinking how like, people would drag people along behind them while driving a vehicle as a method of torture so there is that.

Now we see some cards not in the original spread- I think this represents shadow alter Mikoto inserting himself into the headspace and changing things to fit his goals. We see a couple placed in the original spread, but some don’t and are just free-floating, but you’ll see below we have enough context to decipher their meaning.

First, it’s the Page of Pentacles, which has taken over the position of the 7 of swords as the current challenge affecting the issue. This card indicates “Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development”. I think this means the shadow alter is finally learning to take full control.

Then we see the reverse 2 of swords, which represents “Indecision, confusion, information overload, stalemate”. This could probably represent softboy Mikoto not suddenly understanding why the shadow alter is ALSO in the headspace. Maybe his dual presence in the outside world AND the headspace is indicative of exactly when he learned to take full control. This was NOT in Mikoto’s original spread.

Wheel of Fortune again, which was in the original spread. “Bad luck, negative external forces, out of control”. Yup, that confirms it.

Next, the Five of Swords from the original spread comes up. “Conflict, tension, loss.png, defeat, win at all costs, betrayal”. Softboy Mikoto is now being completely taken over. There is a facedown card on the chair. This might be the one that reads as Death later, so it may be that softboy Mikoto is…KILLED OFF?

Cup of Ace, “Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion”. I think this one is also meant to represent softboy Mikoto, but it could be that the shadow alter sees it as an act of mercy to take full control for softboy Mikoto. Maybe he feels his alter can’t handle reality and he’s going to take over full time. Or more likely he just has ulterior motives.

Reverse King of Cups. “emotional manipulation, moodiness, volatility”. Softboy Mikoto was lead along, thinking it was okay to leave things to the shadow alter or to exist alongside him. Now we see that isn’t a viable solution.

Reverse Five of Wands. “conflict avoidance, diversity, agreeing to disagree”. I went over this more in the other post.

Chariot is the last one, WHICH ALSO WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL SPREAD. “Control, willpower, success, action, determination”. The shadow alter Mikoto has taken full control. Which is very quickly followed by…

Shadow alter Mikoto drawing Death. Also not in the original spread. Perhaps effectively “killing off” softboy Mikoto and betraying him.

Concluding Thoughts.

Now, I understand I do take most of these lyrics from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, but I’m sure there’s a layer of deception added on by his shadow alter. The Challenge card of the 7 of swords did represent betrayal. So softboy Mikoto’s only context into what’s going on outside may be his headspace tarot reading. If you want to question some of the lyrics, or even think one of the alters is lying, that would add SO much to the complexity of the situation, and I wouldn’t put it past the Milgram team to add something like that.

Common Themes/Symbols:

The mirror, both in the headspace and in the outside world bathroom

The Hanged Man- in a painting in the headspace and on Mikoto’s shirt. Indicative of being wrongly accused or martyred. Softboy Mikoto is likely represented with this, as well as The Fool. The Fool painting probably is there to show that he doesn’t know any better, that he is without the knowledge of what his shadow alter is doing (or doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong)

The Half Moon- a light side and a dark side. Pretty self-explanatory. Symbolically, it can also represent life and death. NICE.

Sorry if the conclusions end up being kind of vague. That’s the way a lot of this video is; what’s really going on, as it usually is, is up to viewer interpretation at this stage. I was just hoping to provide a bit of context into the images in the video, plural life, and narrator interpretation. I just really love this video and after this full analysis hope others can at least appreciate the work that went into it.

#milgram #MeMe (milgram)#mikoto kayano #kayano mikoto

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vanillann · 3 years

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right where you left me (bucky barnes x reader)

someone tell me to stop writing sad 40s!bucky fics that aren’t even that good, thank :)

warning: bad angst and mention of death

based off “right where you left me” by taylor swift

word count: 1.7k

Bucky coughed lightly from the other side of the table, the waiter finally leaving us to sit with ourselves. I smiled, my finger playing with the napkin that sat in front of me.

“How’s the salad?”

I frowned at the weird tension that had grown between us recently, conversation and looks not the same they once were.

“Good, how is the steak?”

“Dry but good.”

The conversation ran out again, the check balancing on the edge of the table as we both sat waiting for something to happen, anything at this point.

“(Y/N)?”

“Bucky?” I leaned back in the booth, folding my finger as I waited for some sort of words to fall from his lips.

“I really need to talk to ya,” he trailed off, coughing again as he grabbed the check and began playing with the little piece of paper.

“About?”

“Us.”

My heart dropped, I wasn’t stupid. Everyone would know how a conversation like this would go, it was obvious we hadn’t been the same but I thought we would fix it by now.

“What happened?” I didn’t move, my eyes piercing thought him as I waited for some sort of lame excuse, some excuse about the war or something.

“I- I,” he trailed off again, finally put the checkbook down and let himself cross his arm, setting them on the table. He looked up at him, his eyes looked so broken and I couldn’t tell you why he was walking away, not me.

“There this girl-“ I drowned everything else out, his mouth was moving but I couldn’t put words to it. The room suddenly slowed down, the room suddenly felt like a box I had been taped in.

“A girl?”

“Dottie, she is a doll,” yes please talk about this new lover of yours, exactly what I need to hear.

I knew I was overthinking everything, but I could feel eyes on me. The check was long forgotten as he went on and on.

“Steve told me I should put you through more unnecessary pain,” he spoke his piece, finally shutting up for a second.

How do you respond to that?

“Dottie,” I repeated the name, my eyes drifting to the window that was across the room, making out that the sun had finally set and the stars were out.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N), you deserve better-“

“You could have been better for me if you loved me,” I spoke softly, my words felt harsher than intended but I could do much more than that.

I felt sympathy for the doll in the kid’s section, the doll that was stuffed in the box to very leave that single moment in their life.

“I’ll always love you, it’s just not the same.” Bucky reached across the table, leaving his hand open for me to squeeze back, his way of removing his guilt.

“Yeah, okay.”

I was pissed, maybe I didn’t have the right but maybe that was the biggest thing I was allowed at this moment.

“(Y/N),” his words felt like forever ago, my stares went.

“I’m fine Barnes, I’ll get a cab. Please just leave.”

He’s titled his head, begging me to just come with him but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit in a car, in his passenger seat that she most likely once sat in, and act like my heart wasn’t ruined.

“I can call Steve,” I simply nodded, Steve was still my friend and I wouldn’t have to worry about catching a cab this late in the late night.

“Okay,” he said nothing else, leaving the money for the tab thankfully, I would have killed him if he left it to me.

“I’m sorry again (Y/N), it’s not you but me,” that he stood from the booth, moving the hat that sat on his head around a little more before he took it off completely, bowing to me quickly, then leaving the restaurant completely.

It’s not you but me.

What a bullshit line, what a bullshit line for a bullshit break up. I looked back out the window on the other side of the restaurant, seeing him standing in the phone booth most likely calling Steve.

Or maybe he was calling Dottie, telling her they could be together.

Maybe it was selfish of me, to be mad at him for choosing his own happiness, but I had only wished my own way at the expense.

I couldn’t be mad at Bucky, I most certainly couldn’t be mad at Dottie. She did nothing wrong, she was just a girl who loved a boy. A boy who no longer loved me.

I felt as if dust had collected on my shoulder for how long I sat at the booth. My eyes roamed the room and not a single waiter or waitress tried telling me to leave.

I felt the time had frozen before I felt a small tap on my shoulder, my eye-catching sight of familiar blonde hair.

“Hey,” his voice was soft, as it had always been, but this time was much different.

“Hi,” I was shocked at my own voice, the little crack made my hand run over my throat.

“Have you moved since he left?”

I shocked my head, my eyes never leaving that stupid window since I watched his back walk away.

“Sorry you had to come down to collect me,” the sarcasm dripped from my voice, I always got this way when I was upset.

“You’re the only person I’d do it for,” I knew he would do it for Bucky too, but he refuses to actually say his name.

“He just left Stevie,” I felt the tears play behind my eyes, Steve finally pulling at my hand. I stood up, both of us finally leaving that booth in the corner of the restaurant.

It was suddenly my least favorite spot in the world.

I played with the end of the menu, that window in the same spot it was all that time ago.

It felt like it was forever ago at least.

The news played through the speaker over the door, the name of all the fallen of the war.

I was suddenly happy my friend was a super-human, taking down his chance of being called.

“Jeffery Rhode-“ the name rang through the room, my hand grabbing my glass of water as I waited for my salad to come out.

“George Teller, James Barnes-“

I felt myself choke, my hand flying to my throat as I heard the name called. Only a few more followed but I didn’t have it in me to pay attention.

James Barnes.

A fallen soldier.

Fallen meant dead, he was dead.

I felt tears slip down my cheek, my eyes trained back out that stupid window. My brain played with me, acting as if I would still see him in that phone booth.

I couldn’t comprehend my thoughts. How did it always happen in this corner? Why were all my worst moments stuck here?

“May we have a moment of silence for the fallen soldier.”

I needed more than a moment, I needed a lifetime. I wonder how Steve felt, how Dottie felt.

Was he even still with Dottie?

Why couldn’t I wrap my head around it?

“Here’s your salad,” the older woman, the one who recognized me by now, placed the salad before me with a little sad smile. I couldn’t even nod at her, couldn’t even thank her.

I wished she had bought a steak out too, just to know he was there. Even if I knew he would leave me, I would rather have that than him leaving all of us.

“Buck,” I spoke mostly to myself, still coming to terms with everything.

I hope he heard me from somewhere, to know I wasn’t made anymore.

I looked to my wrinkled hand on the table cloth, waited for that stupid salad like I did every time.

The old phone booth from outside was now gone, instead sat at an ATM that was in high demand. I was shocked the restaurant hadn’t gotten torn down yet, but once I noticed the picture with Steve on the corkboard I knew exactly what happened.

The music was different than it once was, the old 40s music was now much different. They would occasionally play a few older songs, ones that made me feel like that poor broke soul again.

I didn’t understand why I kept going back, it was starting to be pathetic but I couldn’t care. It was the only place I understood.

I was stuck in my own nightmare, yet I was doing it to myself at this point.

I heard the bell above the door ring but I didn’t have it in me to turn and look at who it was. I had become familiar with the regulars over the years that would visit the place often.

I watched a raven-haired man walk up to the ATM. I recognized him as Tony Stark, you knew a face like that anywhere. I was shocked he was in town but my thought was distracted when I heard looking boots approaching my table.

I looked up casually, thinking it would be a waiter. I didn’t recognize the hair at first, the long dark hair that looked softer than silk, but the face was the same.

The little stumbled and the same piercing eyes that I could never forget, the same ones that broke my heart twice within one lifetime.

“It’s me-“

“Buck?”

I didn’t get up with the Avenger stuff, Steve told me little things but other than that I was completely separate from that lifestyle.

“Yeah,” he looked nervous, something I never used to with him, he wasn’t a nervous person.

Not with me, not with Steve, probably not with Dottie.

“Can I sit?”

I nodded, watching as he took the seat he took at those years ago. He was dressed differently, the red shirt and the dark jeans were different from the army green suit he wore proudly.

“It’s your seat after all,” I spoke softly, watching him nod to me with a sad smile.

“Steve said you come here often.”

I didn’t respond, still looking at him with a pout and my head was starting to hurt.

Was it really him?

It wouldn’t be that absurd, look at Steve, but they said he died. He looked like the one stuck in time, the one who still hadn’t grown up from that moment.

“I’m right where you left me.”

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marjansmarwani · 3 years

Text

time can heal, but this won’t

1.7k || ao3

This could have been easily avoided. It never should have happened. But it had and now TK was possibly dying from a gunshot wound and Carlos couldn't shake the feeling that it was his fault. --- Carlos Reyes Week Day 5: “Just, hold on.” + hurt/comfort

This idea actually came from this post by @trkstrnd and became this but none of my other stuff for Carlos week was really angsty so I guess I was due

Beta’d by my favorite partner in crime @officereyes

------------

Carlos could recite police protocols verbatim. They had been drilled into his head since the academy and every day since he had lived by them. As a patrol officer, making the right choice and following the proper procedure could be the difference between life and death. The rules were there for a reason; they existed to keep people safe.

This incident — this catastrophe, really — was the kind of example they’d be using to scare the new recruits for years to come: make sure you follow procedure, or a firefighter could get shot by a 7-year-old.

Carlos still wasn’t sure what had happened: there had been so many moving parts. There had been the mistaken burglar, the worried wife, the heart attack victim, the chaos of the scene. There had been other officers on scene who were not responsible for two civilians; someone should have secured the weapon.

But it slipped through the cracks, as things sometimes did in the face of chaos. Carlos would normally be one of the first to say that it was something to learn from, that now that it had happened they would know to never let it happen again. But this time was different.

This time it was TK’s life on the line, and no amount of reasoning could make that okay.

He didn’t even find out about it until they were gone. He had just turned the corner when the alert about a gunshot came over the radio. His heart caught in his throat as he thought of all the awful possibilities: it could be a fellow officer, someone he was friends with. It could be one of the firefighters - he may not know them well but he would never wish harm on any of them. It could be Paul, it could Michelle, or TK. Those last few possibilities were too awful for him to dwell on so he pushed them aside focusing instead on the road in front of him and the job before him.

It’s not until the Ackermans are safely returned home with a promise to follow up with any updates from the other homeowners (though Carlos doubts they’ll have any desire to press charges, given everything) that he checks his phone. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a text from Michelle, and another when he sees one from Paul.

It’s only after he unlocks his phone to read the messages, nearly identical in content, that he starts to feel the world ever so slowly begin to fall apart around him. It’s the confirmation he’s been dreading: TK’s been shot. TK’s in surgery and from what he can extrapolate between the lines...it doesn’t look good.

He shuts his eyes and takes a moment, leaning against the driver’s side door of the cruiser, to let the fear and dread wash over him. He and TK, well, Carlos isn’t all that sure what they are, to be perfectly honest; but he does know what they could be. He thinks they’re on the way there too. He thinks they could have something wonderful, but that’s not possible if TK is dead.

Even thinking the word, even considering the possibility brings tears to his eyes but he pushes them back down. He opens his eyes to check on his partner, who is still on the front porch speaking to Mrs. Ackerman. He still has a few moments of solitude before he’ll have to answer any questions. He sags against the car as he lets the weight of this fear crash over him. It feels almost intrusive, to care so much when he has no claim on the other man; when they have no label for this thing they are building. But they were building it, and Carlos doesn’t want to be left with only the memory of the process.

As much as he doesn’t want that, he’s afraid that might be exactly what he gets and he hates it.

He straightens up and shoots off quick replies — thanking them both for the information and asking them to keep him posted. Then he glances at the time and takes a deep breath — there are two hours left in his shift. He can last two hours. He doesn’t know how to explain this to anyone else, doesn’t know how he could possibly explain to his boss that he needs to leave early because this guy he might be kind of dating might die. He doesn’t know how to explain it to anyone, so when his partner returns to the car he gives her a tight smile and starts the car so they can head back to the precinct and their paperwork.

He doesn’t want to dwell on his thoughts of TK hurt, of TK in surgery, of TK possibly dying so instead he focuses on the how. Namely, how was a gun — that they knew about — not secured; how had this happened with a large police presence?

Why hadn’t he noticed before it was too late?

He tells himself he wasn’t there when the shots were fired, he reminds himself that there were other officers there, that he wasn’t responsible for this fuck up. But no matter many times he repeats it to himself, he doesn’t believe it. He was there, he knew how things should have gone and he hadn’t made sure they were done. And now TK was paying the price. This was his fault.

He carefully avoids the subject with his partner and upon their return to the station, he buries himself in paperwork, the words in front of him a blur as he checks his phone every other minute and counts down the seconds to the end of his shift. He keeps to himself, carefully avoiding the talk and conjecture of what had happened at the last call. He pretends to not hear those asking for a recount of the events, he only speaks to his Captain when asked to give his version. He tells her the truth: this could have been avoided; it should have never happened. She nods and thanks him, and he returns to his private waiting game.

Finally, after what seems like a lifetime, his shift is over and he is finally able to go to where his head and his heart have been the whole night. Arriving at the hospital is easy, it’s the going in that’s hard. As much as he wants to know there is a part of his brain that reminds him that these last few moments of not knowing might be the last moments he has in a reality where TK Strand still exists. Walking through those doors could change that, and it’s almost enough to keep him in his car.

In the end, the need to know wins out. Carlos has never been one to run from things and he is determined to keep it that way. Even if what he is running to is his own heartbreak, he is determined to face it head-on. And so he opens his car door and climbs out, heading towards the door and the possibility of a new reality.

He finds the correct waiting room quickly; the large group is pretty noticeable, especially at the late hour. He gets curious gazes from most and a sympathetic look from Paul. He nods at them all before his eyes zero in on the room at the center of it all, the door to which their eyes keep gravitating. He takes a deep breath and strides across the room, slowing as he reaches the doorway and the scene within reveals itself.

It is TK in the bed and, according to the monitors, he is alive, but after having known TK for several months now Carlos scarcely believes it. TK is always moving; a study in perpetual motion. Even when they sit, on the rare nights they settle in for a movie, he is never still. He shifts, he fiddles with his necklace. TK Strand does not hold still and to see him so stationary and lifeless is wrong on levels Carlos doesn’t even want to contemplate.

He steps inside quietly, not wanting to startle the Captain who is speaking softly, who only has eyes for his son. Owen still turns, despite his efforts, and when their eyes meet Carlos can tell that he isn’t fooling the other man for one moment. Seeing TK like this, in such a foreign state has breached the barriers he has so carefully maintained all night and he can feel the moisture in his eyes. The Captain’s expression filters through several emotions within a moment and he settles on understanding. He knows what they are to each other; or at least what TK is to Carlos. He stands and offers Carlos some time and Carlos means it when he says he doesn’t want to impose. He doesn’t want to pull TK’s father away from his son, he doesn’t want to put anyone else out when this was all his fault anyway.

But the Captain insists and soon Carlos is left alone with the shell of the man he just might love. He falls into the chair beside the bed and runs a hand through TK’s hair before reaching out and wrapping a hand tenderly around his arm. He knows that in a movie this would be the big romantic speech, the moment the character proclaims his love for the person in the bed. But as much as he does want that, as much as it may be true, proclamations of love are not his highest priority right now. Right now he just needs TK to live. Anything that comes after that, he can handle. Instead, as he leans in, he offers something else.

“I’m so sorry,” he says thickly, voice low and heavy with tears, “this shouldn’t have happened I...I’m so sorry Ty. Just…” he trailed off, using his free hand to angrily wipe away the tears sliding down his face, “just, hold on. You can’t leave us yet. We need you — I need you.”

He let the silence of the ambient noises fill the room as he stared at the man before him. Soon he is joined by the rest of the crew but not even the firm and comforting hand on his shoulder from Paul can make this any better.

If TK didn’t make it through this, he didn’t know how he would be able to live with himself.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #carlos reyes #tk strand #tarlos #my writing #usermaximus #userac #tuserpaige #reyesstrand #userkimmy #userjilly #jazzyjess

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insufferablelust · 4 years

Text

The Artist And His Muse (vii)

Warnings : Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, BDSM Talk, Slight smut (thigh riding, denied orgasm), another build up heheh, lots of pet names, cute stuff too! its pretty tame just wait until you see the next chapter :)

I would also like to say that, some aspects of this story is not consistent with the actual series, i make some changes to fit the plot lines better. Full credit to the creators and directors of the series though.

MASTERLIST.

————

To worship—as if he’s the prophet of our own religion, he’s the epitome of her own beating heart, affections are richer than gold, and pleasure is the Valhalla.

—————

“3 years, Princess.”

You’re fucked, Once again.

—————

Y/N’s plushy lips trembled displaying her bursting confusion. Her eyes trained to Spencer, the gaze was intense between the two— so intense that they could feel their very skin burned with desire—want, need.

She tried to recall, each night tracing back to the times she went to that godforsaken club just to let loose, just to feel someone taking control of her, just to let go. She tried so hard to see if he was in one of her flashing memories, refusing to believe that he knew so much about her, so deep within her that it almost feels like she could feel his very presence in her bloodstream just taunting her in the most pleasant way.

“Have you ever—“ Her voice cracked as she opened her mouth, dismissing every embarrassment and lust that crept up her spine, hugging her skin like a thick blanket.

“Ever tried to say hello to you? No. Ever tried to punch the guy you submitted to at the time? No. Ever tried to give you a collar and claim you then and there? No. But do i want to? More than anything, Y/N.” The dominance within his voice sent extreme chills to her core, she thought back to all the times she was with someone there,

Fantasia is the name of the club, an all members only exclusive BDSM club that Y/N was sure no one would know who she is or that she worked with FBI. The rules of the club are unique, All the Submissives were obligated to wear dresses and their member collar, the Dominants were to wear suits and hold their member pendant. If the Dominant and Submissive agreed on spending the night together or perhaps more— the pendant will be placed right in the center of the subs collar, so that everyone else knows that the sub is taken. Usually it only lasted for a night— for Y/N a week was her longest.

“W-Why didn’t you?” Her eyes searched for any kind of emotion behind his, but all she could find was the lust and desire— though she believed that hers would tell the same tale. Her breath hitched as he stand up from your seat and cup your jaw in his palm, the grip was strong and sure to which he then leaned down to whisper, “Because i knew if i said hello, i wouldn’t be able to stop myself from keeping you all to myself forever. You drove me crazy, didn’t you know that pet?”

You gulped, eyes staring into him and confidently muttered, “You drove me crazy too. Wasn’t good was it? to see me get manhandled by another?” You raised an eyebrow, and hold onto his wrist tightly, you want to see him, see all the dominance that he has to offer— you craved it.

Sure enough, his hand went from a grip to a choke as he tightly wrapped them around your neck and making sure his fingertips pressed right against your beaming pulse. “Careful, Y/N. No girl of mine would behave this way.” He tuts, head shaking in disappointment which made you tremble a little and muttered “Sorry sir.” Underneath your breath “I want to be yours...” You trailed, biting your lips as you do so.

“And i want you to be mine, Princess. But we have to discuss lots of things. This is dangerous line we’re crossing, in every aspect possible.” It was like as if his eyes demanded you to obey and say yes to everything he said.

“Yes sir.”

“We have to be extra careful, and really pay attention to every single detail you hear me?” He gripped your chin, as you nodded, “We can’t tell anyone can we?” You bit your lip hard as your gaze moved down and sighed heavily, it’s not that you’re worried, it’s just that you want to be able to love him whenever wherever, be his at all times.

“No, not now at least. We’ll find a way to let Hotch know but with everything that’s going on, we have to take it slow.” He frowned as he sees the way your face fell, his thumb pried your lips open and push it in, “Listen to me, I love you, and i want us to be together— we’re together but we have to make some compromises in order for this to work, bunny.” You nodded your head as your eyes fluttered shut and mumble a small “i know, i love you too Spencer.”

Spencer smiled, his lips pressing a deep kiss on her forehead before drawing back, “Alright lets clean these up then we can go ahead and discuss limits okay?” He tugged his thumb out of your lips, muttering a small “pretty..” as he watched your lips tried to chase it. “Yeah, okay.” You leaned in and kiss his lips before you both went on to wash the dishes.

————

“This is how it’s going to work Y/N, i believe you’re experienced enough to know these things right?” He spoke, voice heavy on the air as you two sat on the couch with you on one side and him on the other. His thighs parted, as he watched you intently, making sure to follow your every gesture and move, to see which ticked you.

“Yeah, um i mean i’m familiar with the basics.. although i’m still not sure where we’re standing here— l-like what’s our relationship?” He smiles gently at your soft tone, knowing how nervous you are, so he leaned in closer and pat his thighs. “lay your head on my lap, Y/N.”

“Is that an order, sir?” You nervously giggled, trying to lighten up the mood. Spencer’s eyebrow twitched as he sighed heavily and quickly reach back to tug on your hair pulling your head backwards, pressing a small kiss below your ear before whispering with a chuckle, “I’m glad you’re having fun now, but after we have our rules— you’d wish you never ran your pretty mouth again.” His mocking tone caused you to breathe heavily and let a whine slip through your lips.

“I-“ The only gesture he made was patting on his lap on more time before you complied and rest your cheeks against the harsh material of his pants before looking up to see him with an amused smile, whispering a soft “Good girl.” That mase you squirmed on his lap.

“We don’t have to put labels on it Y/N..” He trailed as he smiled down at you with his fingers on your hair, “I’m yours, and you’re mine.” He whispered it this time, fluttering his eyes shut for a moment as you did the same, feeling the overwhelming warmth seeped through your skin.

“I know, i love you..” You reached his hand, then placing a lingering kiss on his palm which he replied with a smile and whisper of ‘i love you too.’ before intertwining your fingers together.

“Now as for this, you’ll tell me your hard limits, and then we’ll move on to soft ones. But first we need to establish a safe word, angel.” He muses, wetting his lips as you rake through your brain, “trooper” You chuckled and he laughed.

“You’re such a star wars nerd aren’t you?” He shook his head as you pouted up at him cutely and shrugged “as if you aren’t with your dr who and star trek stuff” you huffed which he chuckled at,

“alright alright, now go on tell me your limits princess.”

—————

As soon as you’re finished writing your list, you handed them over to Spencer with blushing cheeks and warmth spreading over your belly—the way he read it intently, skimming over each word is enough to give you orgasmic type of feeling.

“You sure you want to put, wax play to your hard limits?” He asked softly, letting her know that he has no intention of shaming or judging her causing you to blush slightly, and nuzzle your nose on his thighs.

“I just—“ You were about to reply before you feel a strong grip on your hair, pulling them back with enough force that it made your core even more drippy and your scalp ached.

“If you are to be mine, you’ll answer each question as you look at me. Is that clear?” The hand that wasn’t on your hair, held the paper tightly, “Yes, sir. I’m sorry sir.” Your answers were timid as you pulled away and cleared your throat,

“I tried it before.. and i’m into it but i just don’t like how it feels after, i love the marks but it doesn’t feel as good on my skin. I guess it’s not a super hard limit more leaning towards the soft, and i’m okay to try it some times but maybe give me a warning first?” Your eyes blinked rapidly, as you feel the bile on your throat pushing up in a response of nervousness.

Spencer chuckled as he leaned in to cup your cheeks, “You’re so cute, it’s hard for me not to take you right here. But yes, i’m okay with that plus i could mark you up just fine.” There was a teasing glint on his eyes before he went back to read the list, normally it would’ve taken him seconds but he wanted to savor and make mental notes inside his head.

“We pretty much have the same limits, bunny. You also put vanilla as a part of your list of preferences so we’ll do some of that too okay?” His gentle tone made you blush even harder as you nodded slightly and respond with a small “Yes sir, thank you.”

“Is there any name you don’t wanna be called with? Name calling is a big part of degradation, although not always— in fact i could make you turn into a pathetic whimpering mess without even saying a word.” He muses, enjoying the way you squirmed harder on the couch as you shook your head quickly,

“I’m okay with... any names you deemed fit.” You murmured, earning a soft hum from him before you continued, “S-Sir..”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Could you maybe um— try it?”

“Making a mess out of you without saying anything..?”

“Yes sir..”

As if you’ve said the magic word, his thighs buckled upwards, grinding against your heat as his thumb brush over your clothed nipples and his breath hit your neck, kissing over the marked skin gently, making you let out choked out moans and mewls when he wrapped his hand around your neck.

“Oh look at you, practically humping my thigh like a desperate mindless little girl that you are. Maybe you’ll learn not to run your mouth next time, isn’t that right baby?” He tightened the grip on your neck as he laughed condescendingly, “I asked you a question.” He released his hand from your neck letting them toying against both of your nipples now,

“Y-Yes! yes please sir..” You were a whimpering mess as you keep on grinding your core against his clothed thigh feeling yourself getting close to your climax

“Ah.. pretty baby wants to come doesn’t she?” Just as you were about to ask, you heard his phone ring causing you both to groan,

“Looks like i got a case baby, we’ll finish this later hm?”

“But- But!”

“Shh, be good and go to your scheduled appointment today. I’ll see you when i get back. I love you, and i’ll text you as many times as i can.”

And with a final kiss on the lips, and forehead he was gone, leaving you wet and needy on your couch. Fine, if he wanted to play that way,

he’ll definitely hate the bratty version of you.

————

tell me what you think on the comment or send me a message, Tag list is open just let me know if you want in! thank you!

( @blancastans @spencerwaltergubler @slutforthegubes @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @babybloomer @liaabsurd @midnightsubmissives @addie5264 @maybankslut @secretpickleprofessordean @raiford-cash @magnificentmgg @dancesingactliv )

#taahm #spencer reid smut #spencer reid blurb #spencer x reader #dom!spencer #criminal minds smut #spencer reid fluff

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mangozcat · 3 years

Note

hi hi!! It’s a request- uhm can you do a Jeno fluff where it’s a best friend to lovers and you both just slowly fall in love with each other..? Thank you🥺🥺🥺 -🦋

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. lee jeno x fem!reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. fluff, best friends to lovers, tiny bit of angst 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. it was under horrible circumstances that you met. everything seemed dimmer, you felt unmotivated and worst of all; lonely. but then there he was, with a big gummy smile on his face, purely there to lift your spirits. it felt like fate, and if you could go back, you’d fail seventh grade all over again just to meet him.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. hi! I’m so sorry that this took absolutely ages. it took a long time for my brain to come up with a way to write a slow burn, since I’m not really good at that kind of stuff. so, I put a ton heart into this because this is actually based off of my life! I substituted jeno for my childhood friend and everything that happens in this story is very much real (minus the romance), which is why it’s so personal to me. I hope you enjoy this and that it’s not a huge let down!

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐌𝐄𝐓 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐎 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋. it had been under rather unfortunate circumstances, to be honest. having just been forced to go through with your seventh year of school again, it was depressing, especially since you had already done half of it the year before. but in a sense, you were also grateful for your lack of worth ethic in online school, because it allowed you to return during the second portion of the year and meet him.

he was cute and particularly sweet. the first things that had drawn you to him were his chubby cheeks and beaming smile. he was the epitome of child-like innocence. you noticed quite quickly from the one class you shared with him that he enjoyed mixing work and play. he was sure to ask questions about the lesson at hand, not afraid of it embarrassing him. after all, failing would just embarrass him more. but at the same time, jeno was carefree, funny, and loved to joke around to lighten the tension in the classroom.

at first he hadn’t really noticed you. he knew there was a new girl in his class and that you were supposed to be a grade ahead, but he wasn’t too caught up in your arrival like some other people were. they would bombard you with questions about where you came from, forcing you to re-explain the situation for about the eighth time within three days. after awhile, you stopped counting.

but it was when you slipped during class that he finally noticed you. it wasn’t a mocking kind of attention, nor was he laughing to humiliate you. he did laugh at the incident, but to be fair, you laughed too. and to make up for it, he even helped you get up off the floor. “some shoes need better grip,” you had huffed out, patting down your shirt.

jeno had smiled, releasing a small laugh, agreeing wholeheartedly as he slid his foot along the slick floors, pointing out how his foot was sliding too. “it’s the floors,” he said, walking over to where the computers were stacked neatly in a pile, making you follow after him to keep up. you used him as a little guide as to what you were supposed to be doing in the class; after all, he had been there for a half a year and you were there for a mere few days. “they hardly clean them, and when they do, it’s left slick with water. so either way, it’s a lose-lose situation.”

you had shrugged during that time, simply accepting that things happen, people slip, but that you always had to get back up.

you weren’t aware, at the time, how easy it would be to fall into routine with jeno. grabbing computers together, holding small conversations during that time. and when he had to go back to his desk, he’d always shoot you friendly smiles during the lesson. the two of you even began eating lunch together and he introduced you to his friends.

they were definitely not as open to the idea of adding someone new to their friend group. you understood that part pretty well. when you were still in your correct grade, with the people you grew up with, it always felt strange when someone new joined the school. it wasn’t that you were a rude person or incapable of allowing others in, it was merely the fact that it felt odd; wrong. the group had been formed for so long that any foreigner being spotted within its’ bounds seemed off.

it took a long time to get used to, for both you and them. seeing this new face daily, beginning to get to know someone new. it was uncharted territory, or at least, it was a land they hadn’t explored since they were little. but you managed to bond, slowly but surely, with the other boys and began getting comfortable around them.

and over time, the pain of not seeing your former friends slowly eased away.

he was helping you more than he realized, especially since people had taken more to just staring at you than approaching. they were interested in you for sure; your origins, why you weren’t in the correct grade, everything about you. but no one actually put in enough effort to say anything aloud or ask questions, or simply be near you at all. they simply watched from afar.

jeno hadn’t exactly done any different, it was all circumstantial. but after your odd meeting, he put in effort to keep the friendship alive, surprising you. he was a friendly guy, not just to you, but to everyone else too. it was reassuring in a sense, to know that you had this nice guy by your side. you got to see him every morning, and he brightened your day more than he’ll ever understand.

jeno was your anchor. he always helped you do homework, helped you find your way to the classrooms that you had never visited before, or that had changed teachers. and often times, he’d walk with you to class. it was the start of a beautiful friendship, and you had nothing but your failure to thank for it.

sometime during your school years, jeno started changing. he was quickly becoming a handsome, well-mannered young man that had the hearts of young teens clenching tightly. they were all desperately whipped for him, and while you had to admit that yes, he was handsome, you had been friends for too long for it to change.

you were satisfied with jeno’s friendship and were appreciative of his comforting presence.

to put the progression of your friendship into words would be far too difficult. emotions? easy; there was a lot of hesitance, but then came happiness and this sudden feeling of peace. everything slowly became natural, and you had found yourself residing within the comfort of his arms.

“you gonna eat your fries?” you asked, looking up to see his face. sat between his legs, head on his shoulder with a book between your hands. one earbud was in your ear, the other in his. he shook his head, running his fingers through your hair soothingly and letting you reach over to steal the fries from his tray.

this was how most of your lunch periods went by. seeing as you and jeno shared one or two classes each year (excluding the one unfortunate year where you shared none), you’d spend all of your lunch period together. using it as time to bond and catch up. most of that time was spent in silence. it was comfortable. bot much was required to say aloud and it was just nice, sweet, peaceful silence.

jeno’s eyes were closed behind you, his head lolling to the gentle music running into both of your ears. he was rocking the two of you back and forth easily as you continued to read, vividly imagining the scenes from the book coming alive. you’d imagine the fierce lions and big cats jumping from the bushes and darting across the courtyard clearing, excited to taste the freedom of what they had been dreaming of; escape.

you never did understand why getting lost in books was so easy. maybe it was just because of the escape the inked words allowed you to have. but it always a fascination, an obsession of yours. words seemed to so easily get up and dance along the lines, shimmying their way into your mind and easily imprinting an image within your brain. stories were your safe zone, your getaway. they helped you collect your thoughts and rearrange them prettily upon your shelves.

you just adored books.

when jeno’s grip on you tightened considerably, pulling you back into him, you let out a small laugh. the boy cuddled his head into the crook of your neck and shook his head, making a ticklish sensation erupt upon your skin. giggling to yourself mindlessly as you squirmed in his arms, he simply smiled to himself. reaching forward, he grabbed the book from your hands.

“now that I have your attention,” he started, making you turn slightly so that you could see his expression. a beaming smile was dancing across his lips, making you mirror it. his eyes dazzled under the light of the sun and you wondered how you’d never realized how pretty his eyes were. they were dark, almost chocolate-colored. they were comforting, you noted.

“I require your assistance, m’lady.” he said cheekily, making you roll your eyes. lightly slapping at his chest, you whined out a sound of annoyance. he had adopted the formality after some play you performed in when you were kids, you being the juliet to some boy’s romeo. he knew you hated it.

“it was one play, jen!”

he grinned. nodding to himself, “yes, it was one, very interesting play that I swore to never forget. I’m simply sticking to my word!” letting out a little laugh at how utterly disgusted you seemed at the reminder of that stupid play, here shook his head; he’d let you off the hook this time. “anyways, I need help on the homework.”

huffing to yourself, you leaned out of his embrace for a minute to grab the paper out of your backpack. handing it to him, you leaned back into his arms. grabbing the earbud from his ear, you plugged it into your own as you let your senses become overwhelmed by the music.

jeno had frowned to himself, but didn’t argue as he copied from your paper.

there comes a point in everyone’s lives where they get into their first relationship. whether it’s some childish kindergarten one or a serious one in college, it happens eventually. it doesn’t have to last forever, nor does it have to be this groundbreaking first experience. it’s a relationship, that’s all.

or at least, that’s what you thought about your first relationship. there wasn’t any magic, no earth shattering love or groundbreaking first times. it was plain, you realized. you didn’t realize that relationships were supposed to be special. they were supposed to make you feel loved and appreciated, and make you feel as though you belonged. you didn’t know that. after all, how could you, when you had never truly experienced the true love of what a relationship was meant to represent?

when you saw people on tv or around campus, you couldn’t help but notice the things in their relationship that wasn’t in yours.

they held hands and exchanged public affections. your boyfriend rarely ever spared you a glance, nor did he put any effort into spending time with you. most people would be eager to spend time with the person they claimed to love. it would invoke excitement even at the mention of being near them. so how come, despite sharing four classes, there was always distance between you? over half of your day was spent together, seats right beside each other, projects intertwined because you were partners. so why did everything feel so wrong?

you liked him, you really did. but every day you regretted ever dating him to begin with. it was such a kick to the gut when you remembered that it was him who asked you out, who put so much love and care into your first date. and that at the same time, it was him who seemed to avoid your existence in general.

“y’know, staying in your bedroom isn’t helping,” you heard jeno sigh from the doorway of your room. your mom surely let him in, you knew, as you huffed at the intrusion. he glanced around at the messy space and raised a brow at it’s appearance; you were always the tidy type.

peace and quiet was never going to come, was it?

“am I not allowed to wallow in my misery?” you said, peeking your head out from under the covers, your eyes filled with unshed tears. jeno knew well enough about the incident. it wasn’t some well kept secret, seeing how public the display of anger was. your boyfriend had yelled at you in the middle of the courtyard, leaving you humiliated and lonely.

jeno only sent you a comforting smile to cover up his own frown. holding up a box of cookies, he shook them eagerly as he came bounding into your room. taking his shoes off in a hurry, he declared, “well, as long as I exist, you aren’t allowed to do anything alone!”

a small smile bloomed on your face as he crawled over your bed, resting himself behind you, atop the covers. you turned around, coming face to face with the beaming boy. sending him a small, sad smile, you finally caved in and rolled yourself into his open arms. he only patted your back, chin atop your head as the two of you shared these simple, though comforting moments together.

you both knew that your heart hurt. but at the same time, you desperately tried to cling onto the few good memories of him that you had. he still loved you, he promised he’d always love you. the reality was simply to hard to accept, and you knew that if you actually faced it, it’d only make you hurt more.

he did love you.

when your boyfriend finally broke it off with you, you were left feeling like a used toy. useless, worthless, so incredibly naive. you ended up hiding away in your room, begging your mom to not let anyone in so that you could be alone. you didn’t want to be alone, but the thought of having anyone with you also felt so miserable and embarrassing.

it had been a few days since you closed yourself off. you struggled to attend school and the rare times you actually showed up, you avoided all traces of humanity. it felt like eyes were always on you, following you around. you felt so unexplainably exposed under their gazes.

when jeno showed up at your doorstep for probably the tenth time since the breakup, you were beginning to get tired. you missed your best friend, but at the same time, you were so overwhelmed by what you were feeling. your mom was probably the smartest person in your life, so when she let him in, you were both confused but also didn’t want to question her reasons.

mom knows best, you had been told.

you could hear the padding against your stairs as he practically ran up the flight, bouncing between steps. he didn’t even bother knocking on your door before opening it, staring at your figure sprawled across your bed. tear-stained cheeks and eyes that seemed to be so far away; the windows to your confused and lost soul.

but you were surprised to see the same thing reflected in his face. he had bags beneath his eyes as if he hadn’t been sleeping. he seemed visibly thinner, almost as if he wasn’t eating properly. and his hair was messy, his clothes still what he woke up in. he was unkempt, to say the least.

the first thing he did was meet you on the bed. arms instinctively wrapping around your figure and drawing you as close as possible, though his grip remained gentle, as if he’d break you. you sniffled instantly, tears swimming in your eyes as you buried your head in his neck. he had pulled you into his lap sideways, supporting you with his arms.

“talk to me,” he whispered out into the crown of your head, showering your hair in gentle, wisp-like kisses.

“I feel,” you started, biting back the lump in your throat and fighting off the tears threatening to escape your eyes. your eyes glossed over as you took in a long, shaky breath of air. “so, so alone. my mom’s here, and I see her every morning. and I go to school and talk to people but-”

suddenly, his hands were on your face, making you look at him. his brows were furrowed, his chocolate eyes hurt. “you aren’t alone,” he said your name sweetly, surprising you in how softly it slipped from his lips. “I’m here, I always have been, and I always will be.”

and then, you realized.

he was right.

jeno had been by your side throughout everything. regardless of how much time you spent together, it never seemed like enough. always desperate for more, always wanting to taste the sweetness of the other’s presence. it was like a sweet drug, and you were no foreigner to the withdrawals. jeno was everything you realized you had been searching for.

no distance was too far, nor was it too short when it came to the two of you. he was always there to make you smile, to bring light to your days, to cheer you up. and by the looks of him, any pain you felt was almost like a dig at him too. he was your number one fan, always supporting you throughout.

you had been searching for this perfect instance. one where your boyfriend would finally notice how important you were to him. where he would chase after you to fix what he had broken, to restore the peace between the two of. to bring the magic, the love, back to the relationship. yet, that never happened. it was merely a distant dream, one that would never be achieved or become reality.

maybe in some other universe it would be real, and you’d be happy.

but that universe wasn’t this one. this universe was far more meaningful. because despite all the pain, it lead you to him, it lead you to realize; jeno was always there. he would never leave your side. and just how he’d been banging on your door for days straight, he’d continue to do so to your heart.

lee jeno, the perfect boy that would never let you be alone. lee jeno, the childish, the brave, the sweet, the caring. lee jeno, the boy of your dreams. lee jeno was him. lee jeno was who you had been searching for, had been dreaming of, unaware of the fact that he was right by your side the entire time.

and that’s why you kissed him.

because he was the boy you had been after. he wasn’t your first boyfriend, you both knew that. but he was your first love, and that would never change.

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