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sunaswife · 3 years

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Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

🔪: <3 thanks for all the support so far

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter Thirteen

“Kuroo-San I’m very flattered but in reality I’m seeing someone.” You chuckled awkwardly as you both walked to the lounge after today’s game. “Really?! Since when! About a month ago during the black Jackals game you just said you were a single mom!” He exclaimed. “Well..in reality..I’m trying to make amends with the father of my children. We were both dumb and immature but now since we’re older, we can have a decent conversation. And I still have feelings for him in a way and he’s already confessed..so...” you scratched the back on your head. “Have you accepted his confession..?” He asked. “Well..I mean I kind of changed the subject..” you replied awkwardly. “Poor guy..” he put his hand on his chest as if he felt the pain. “Well it’s not right to pressure someone into going on a date with them so I’m sorry. I was out of line. And I hope everything goes well between you and Rintarou.” He said with a soft smile. He patted your head and walked away down the other hall, you just stood there dumbfounded. How does he know Rin is the dad..?

You haven’t checked social media or sports news so you’re not sure if people already know. You made you way into the lounge and opened your small locker. You took out your purse and walked to your car, you tried walking as fast as possible to avoid talking to people and when you were in the comfort of your car you took out your phone.

Your eyes widened at the amount of phone calls and messages Rin sent. You didn’t even have a chance to read the messages since you decided to call back Rin and wonder what is going on. “It’s about time you answer.” He immediately gritted, he obviously sounded pissed. “Excuse me?” You immediately said with such confusion.

Does he seriously think he can get away with talking to you like that?

“I said it’s about time you fucking answered. Why weren’t you answering my calls or messages?” He asked. “I was obviously working.” You said in a duh tone. “Is something wrong?” You asked. “YES something is wrong! My son almost died and I didn’t know what to do!”

Your heart dropped. He almost...died..? “W-wait—“ you shook your head. “What do you mean he almost died?” You asked. “He had an allergy attack and I had to use an epipen. I didn’t know what to do at the hospital. I rarely had any information. You never told me if the kids had insurance or anything.” “Is Rini okay?” You immediately asked. “Yes he’s fine. But you didn—“

“I’m on my way. For the next eight hours, think before you speak, okay? Don’t say anything you’ll regret.” You warned. “Whatever.” He muttered and hung up. Immediately your heart clenched and you threw your phone at the passenger seat. You rubbed your face and leaned forward and gripped the steering wheel.

“What the fuck.” You sighed. Throughout the drive back to Hyogo your hands began shaking thinking about your kids and Rin. The kids went through something traumatic, and you weren’t there to help them or to protect them. What kind of mother are you? You wanted to slap yourself so hard, jump off a cliff. Receive some sort of punishment for being such a stupid mother and trusting Rin with your children.

After a few hours, your makeup needed a touch up, your hair was a mess for running your hands through your hair hoping your son is okay. Your eyes felt droopy. You’ve only slept a good six hours between drives and it’s way past midnight. The sun began to rise and you finally passed the billboard welcoming you to the hyogo prefecture. You went to the hospital Rin said they were at and you quickly parked and made your way inside.

The poor lady in the office seemed startled at your appearance, your clothes were wrinkled, and your shirt was untucked and unbuttoned from the top, you had bags under your eyes, you were a whole mess. When she gave the room number you slipped off your heels and began jogging to your location. The door was opened so you peeked in and saw your daughter playing with her fox plush on the uncomfortable couch chair.

It was like she sensed you so she looked up and you made eye contact with your little girl. Her eyes immediately watered and she hopped off the chair crying. “Mommy!” She sobbed and you immediately bent down to pick her up. You held her close and her grip tightened around your shoulders. “Rini doesn’t feel good..” she mumbled in your ear. “I know baby, I know.” You answered and dropped your heels by the entrance.

You made you way inside and saw Rin hunched over on the bed sleeping. He was holding Rini’s hand who was also asleep. He looked alright and you sighed in relief. “Have you slept, Akira?” You asked and she nodded. “I slept with Rini, but grandma wanted me to go back home with her. But Rini needed me. He’s my twin.” She wiped her eyes and slightly pulled away. You neared the other side of the bed and pulled the lounge chair closer so you can sit. Akira was on your left thigh with her head still on your shoulder. You looked at Rini sleeping and you brushed some hair out of his face. He slowly opened his eyes and he smiled lazily, “I missed you momma..” he mumbled. “I missed you too. I came as fast as I could.” You assured. “I was so scared.” He admitted. “I know..and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” Your eyes began to water. “Don’t cry mommy.... then I’ll cry..” Rini held your hand with his free hand.

Your wiped under your eyes with the sleeve of your blazer to stop the tears from falling and you smiled again. “Okay I won’t cry.” You said and released a breath. “Can you sing me a song?” Akira asked in your neck, “Yeah I want a song too, please.” Rini pouted and you nodded. They had a favorite song from a certain show that they enjoyed the most. You began to sing softly and Rini squeezed your hand and Akira began to fall asleep again.

I always thought I might be bad

Now I'm sure that it's true

'Cause I think you're so good

And I'm nothing like you

Look at you go

I just adore you

I wish that I knew

What makes you think I'm so special

You saw as Rini’s eyes began to close so he could fall back to sleep, you heard snoring right in your ear and realized Akira knocked out as well. “You have a beautiful voice.” Rin said softly as he rested his head on the side of his arm. “Sorry that I woke you up.” You quickly apologized. “No it’s fine..” he yawned and slowly sat up. He winced slightly, “Damn I need to see a chiropractor.” He muttered and you released a small chuckle. “Me too.” You said.

“So is Rini okay? What happened?” You asked and he sighed and looked into your eyes. “My mom got some burgers from a restaurant where peanut oil is used. She didn’t know Rini was allergic and I didn’t check the bag.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You raised your voice and his eyes widened. “Your mom almost killed our son and you blame me for leaving you without any information?” You asked and he looked down guilty. “She didn’t kn—“

“Of course she doesn’t know because all day she was acting like a conceited bitch instead of being a grandmother to her grandkids. She even called me a whore—“

“No she didn’t.” He immediately interrupted. “She didn’t because you stopped her. But that’s what she thinks right? I model for Hana’s company to support her and to build up my self esteem and now I’m a whore? And you had the audacity to talk to me so rudely when I didn’t do anything. If you’re going to be treating me like that then there’s the fucking door. You understand? Never again will I be disrespected by a man.” You said and he had no words.

“You make it seem like I did it on purpose. I was sleep deprived and scared. I felt like I was going to throw up.” Rin squinted his narrow eyes.

“Do you have any idea what I felt when I got a call eight hours away that my son almost died? Imagine how I feel when he calls out to me and I’m not there. I feel like I failed them as a mom, my chest hurts and I’ve always been there. Always. And now I leave them in your hands and something happens and I can’t get there soon? I almost had a panic attack on the drive!” You exclaimed and he stayed silent. He didn’t want to continue fighting. He’s sure the kids are awake and listening to everything.

“I’m sorry.” He said and looked at his hands. He felt defeated and disappointed. You shouldn’t be so hard on him, it’s been less than a month since he took on this role. “Hey look at me.” You called softly, he looked up and you made eye contact once more. “I’m sorry for going off on you like this, I’m just as upset and afraid as you are and I’m sure you haven’t slept much.”

“I could say the same for you, you look like shit.” He cracked a tiny smile and you rolled your eyes with a giggle. “So did your mom eventually decide to be a grandma or she still hates me so she’s not getting close?” You asked. “She went back home to bring some clothes and then to get us some breakfast. I sent her a screenshot of my notes.” He said and you nodded. You obviously still felt uneasy with her, but they deserve a grandma and if she’s being civil you have no reason to take them away from her.

There was a knock at the door and you and Rin immediately turned your heads. “Oh you must be mom..” the doctor said. “Yeah I’m mom.” You said. She explained that Rini stayed longer than usual because he is a child. After a severe allergic reaction there can be aftershocks hours after the person receives treatment and that can lead to a seizure. She praised Rin for quick thinking and following proper steps to insure his child’s safety.

When the doctor left, Rin’s mom waltzes in and she freezes when she sees you. You take a deep breath and release and decide that it’s best to keep quiet. You wouldn’t want a clique animosity between you and your maybe future mother in law.

“I brought Rini some spare clothes.” She said as she opened Rin’s old gym bag. “He doesn’t own that jacket.” You pointed out. Her face flushed slightly, “I know..but this was Rintarou’s favorite jacket when he was his age..I thought it would be nice to wear. I have a lot of Rin’s old baby and child clothes.” She admitted softly, almost scared that you would snap any minute. And you would, so she was wise to walk on eggshells.

“Okay that’s fine.” You gave in. You helped Rini get dressed while Rin was talking to the doctor and getting ready to check out. You walked barefoot down the hall with your pink heels in your right hand, while Akira held your left hand. Rini was holding hands with Suna and Rin’s mom was holding their stuffed animals. She trailed behind you four and saw how you and Rin swung akira with you arms, her little giggles filled the hall releasing serotonin to the patients and nurses nearby.

“Momma aren’t you gonna put your shoes on?” Rini asked, “My feet hurt and I don’t feel like falling.” “But it’s hot outside, you can burn your feet.” Rin spoke up, “I think I’ll be fine.” You assured. He rolled his eyes and let go of the kids. You were about to step on the asphalt of the parking lot after checking both sides and all of a sudden you’re being knocked back from your legs and carried bridal style. “RINTAROU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT.”

“Nah.”

The kids giggled at their parents funny behavior, you kicked the air and squirmed but his grip tightened. “Do you really wanna get down?” He asked and you said yes. He pretended to drop you and you gripped onto his shirt for dear life and he started laughing. “I swear to God I am going to kick you where the sun doesn’t shine.” You muttered. He finally put you down but you were so distracted you were already at your car.

Karin took the kids to her car since the car seats are in there, so now it’s just you and Rin. “You give me a headache.” You told him. “But you love this headache—“ both your eyes widened and he stopped, “—sorry.” He immediately apologized.

You turned away to yawn and you muttered an it’s okay. He opened the car door for you just like old times, much to your dismay and he closed it when you entered. You put on your seatbelt and he fixed the seat and complained at how tiny you were. He was expecting you to fight back and bicker but you were already asleep.

He leaned forward and fixed your head so you wouldn’t hurt your neck. He started the car and began driving back home. He saw the two empty cups of coffee and some energy bar wrappers on the floor. The phone wasn’t playing any music but the volume was up to 20. You must have been so tired driving all last night and the night before for nine straight hours. No wonder you blasted music to keep you up and drank coffee.

He soon made it home and tried waking you up, but you didn’t budge. Not even shaking you work. You were a muttering unconscious mess when he helped you out and carried you bridal style once again. His mom let him in and he told Akira to unroll the futon in the living room since he couldn’t take you upstairs. He successfully placed you down and helped take of your blazer, he thanked god you were wearing an undershirt thanks to akira checking (no somnophilia shit here atm) and he helped unbutton your dress shirt so you wouldn’t feel hot. He put a light blanket over you. “Can’t believe I have to get you ready for bed like a child.” He muttered with a shake of his head. “Silence bottom, it’s mimi’s time.” You said in your sleep.

The kids ate their breakfast in the car as well as Karin. They were already awake and playing with Chewy outside again. “Mom.” He called, “Yes?” She asked from the kitchen. “Can I borrow your makeup wipes?” He asked. She smiled softly, looking out the window to check on the kids. “Yeah go ahead, they’re in the bathroom.”

Rin came back with the wipes and began wiping the makeup off your face. He didn’t want to press too hard to hurt you. But damn, this makeup was hard to take off. Finally you slept comfortably without makeup, without any interruptions. “Sweet dreams, love.” He smiled and moved the hair away from your face.

He stood up and grabbed the bag with all the kids school stuff and sat in the picnic table outside. “Alright you rascals time for school!” He yelled and the kids yelled an okay and went to join their dad.

“Hey dad..” Rini said. “What’s up?” Rin looked at his son, “I love you a lot. To infinity and beyond. Mama says that’s called unconditional love.” He said and Rin smiled with a nod. “Exactly, and I love you two unconditionally as well.” He said and Akira peered up from her work sheet. “Do you love mom unconditionally?” She asked Rintarou.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

Fun facts:

Someone asked me to do fun facts and if I had any for future chapters so here I go

The song YN sang is love like you from Steven universe but this is my fav version.

‘Mimi’s’ means sleeping time, Akira didn’t know how to say sleeping when she was a toddler so she would say Mimi’s cuz uncle Oikawa would say “es tiempo de dormir.” Which means ‘it’s time to sleep’. So MIMIS is taken for the ‘mir’ in dormir. (Sorry that was a long explanation) (if you live in a Mexican household then u might usually hear this)

YN drives a Black Honda CR-V (nice mom van) ☺️ while Rin has a White Nissan GT-R but he’s thinking of trading it in for a four door sports car to take the kids and yn along

Rin still has his old black mustang in a garage rental back in Tokyo where he would drive with YN everywhere. He wants to fix it up and gift it to one of his kids when they’re older 🥺

Idk why I’m talking about cars

Rin was a blushing mess when he was getting yn ready for bed and his heart stopped when she snuggled into him

After he admitted he loved YN unconditionally, Akira called him a simp

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#haikyuu suna #suna rintarō #miya atsumu #miya osamu #suna rintarou fluff #suna x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu x you #Haikyuu au #suna rintaro x reader #suna x y/n

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nishisun · 3 years

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suna rintaro is NOT a genius.

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

part 2

a/n: this was literally supposed to be a series, i gave up on it because i just didn’t like the way it turned out. it used to be called “out of my league” and this was the intro. i also renamed it. just emptying drafts!! please don’t get confused with the random timeskip, once again, this was a part of a series i never ended up posting😭

WARNING!!: suggestive themes, mentions of death, idk kinda angsty but tell me if i missed anything

Soulmates. Whatever the hell that means. The idea of soulmates is something I truly don’t understand. It’s bullshit, honestly. It’s all-pervasive.

My mother always told me I'd eventually find "the one.” I used to believe that when I was younger of course. But in my opinion? It’s all cliches. It's unhelpful, and it's certainly not true. Destiny is an excuse for the weak. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce? It's 'cause people who believe they are “destined to be" assume everything will fall into place without any effort. I don't appreciate people pontificating bullshit like that just to make me feel better, especially if they haven't found their "soulmate" themselves. My sister once told me, “People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and encounter more difficulty in their relationship, which will lead them to give up on one another eventually.”

I sure do believe that.

My mother is a prime example. Fumeiko Suna, my dear mother. Well, she clearly hasn’t found hers. I found out when I came home after a tedious day of school in 5th grade and found my dear mother on the floor crying, with bruises all over her face and a busted lip.

Initially, I thought a burglar had broken into our home once again, but if that were the case then there would’ve been missing furniture. But there wasn’t.

In fact, the place seemed cleaner than usual. When I ran up to her and asked her what had happened, there he was. The devil himself. My father. He reeked of alcohol, and I could detect his shadow towering over me. It’s funny how that I think of it. I used to fear that son of a bitch. Now, I’m way taller than him, and hate his guts. I turned around to see a faux-sympathetic smile plastered on his face.

He explained how my mother was being “clumsy” and had fell and busted her lip on one of the corners of the kitchen table and when I turned back around to face my mother, she smiled gently and nodded in agreement. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was then I realized my father had beat my mother to a pulp.

Long story short, when I found it was my father, sure, I was frightened. In fact, I remember going into my siblings’ rooms to inform them, they shrugged it off and told me that dad had been doing it for a while now.

Over time, when my dad had found out that I was aware, he didn't mind beating the absolute shit out of my mother in front of all three of us. This was when my burning hatred for that man started. Nobody in the house even attempted to stop him. I did a few times, though. He took all his anger out on me. At least my mom had a break for the day.

I almost pitied my mother. Almost. Maybe if she was strong enough to leave him, then yeah, I’d feel bad. But she still decides to stay with his sorry ass. It’s pathetic. It’s unrequited love or whatever you call it. How could she still love that asshole?

I mean, I’m not even going to lie, I’m an asshole too, but I’m definitely not my dad. I would never want to be him. He’s not someone I looked up to, he doesn’t do anything inspirational. He’s a businessman. He travels the majority of the time, and I’m pretty sure my mom invites men over when he’s gone. I don’t care enough to find out. But if I ever hear some guy rearranging my mom’s guts, I’ll kill him. I don’t even blame my mother. What she’s doing is wrong, she knows it and so do both of my older siblings. But they don't seem to care so why should I?

Who knows why she just won’t leave him. Maybe it’s cause they don’t want to ruin how people view our “picture perfect” family. I wonder what they’d say. “I thought the Suna’s were the ideal family? I guess not.”

My dad would probably lose it if he heard that.

Both my mother and my father are the cause of this broken family of mine. They never fed me or any of my siblings the love we always desired when we were younger. They never came to any of my volleyball games when I was younger. They never applauded me for the little recitals we’d have in class in primary school. They were never even here for most of my childhood. They always put money first and left us with the housekeepers. Hell, the housekeepers probably know me better than my own parents.They failed as parents. I despise them for it. They’re most likely the reason I am the way I am, but to be honest?

I don’t give a fuck.

In fact, I should thank them! Because of how they “raised” me, i’m extremely blunt, which is why people respect me. I use the hatred I have for my family and take it out on people and no, I’m not proud of that. I may be a heartless asshole, but I like that people fear me. The hell? Does that make me a sadist? Either way, people know to never fuck with me cause I’d fuck their shit up. I’ve overheard many people say it’s ‘cause of my privilege. It probably is. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you many other things.

If my parents were broke, I’d probably be expelled from school by now. Abuse of alcohol and drugs are forbidden on school property. I don’t even take them at school, I somewhat care about my education and health, but sometimes I just need to blow some steam. Even if I did, nobody’s gonna say shit since my dad is the head of Japan’s board of education. How did his ass even get there?

Call me lonely or cynical. Maybe I am. But how is that a bad thing? Why do people need a significant other to rely on? What, a soulmate is just going to turn my life upside down then suddenly bring me happiness? Pfft, I’m gonna need actual proof that shit like that still happens. I’ve only seen shit like that in fairy tale movies. It’s whatever, though. I can live with being alone. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and it isn’t as bad as people make it.

You loved the idea of having a soulmate. The thought of meeting someone who just understood you, accepted you for who you were, and most importantly, loved you excited you. You couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

But recently, you weren’t sure soulmates existed.

When your older sister, Akira, came into your room and burst into tears, it frightened you. Your older sister, the one who’d always provide you advice on relationships and how to keep one was in your room sobbing hysterically because hers hadn’t worked out.

“I just can't believe it,” she sobbed.

You couldn’t believe it either. Your sister had recently gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years. They started dating at the age of 15 and managed to make things work out even after high school, and out of all those years of dating, they never broke up. Not even once.

They’d go on romantic dates on Saturdays and they’d always write love letters to one another every day, just to remind one another of how grateful they were to have each other in their lives. On Halloween, they’d dress up as fictional characters from TV shows and books and take cute selfies and bake a bunch of sweets. They’d invite you to come bake with them, but you would politely deny. You knew they were only offering so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you appreciated.

Of course, they’d argue every now and then, but at the end of the day, they always managed to talk things out. Oh to have a relationship like theirs. They were everything you wanted to have in a relationship and more.

“I really thought he was the one for me, y’know?” No, you don’t know. But that doesn't matter. What mattered was cheering your sister up.

“Maybe he wasn’t ‘the one’ Akira, and that’s okay! People come and go all the time, soulmates come and go all the time as well-”

“You still believe soulmates are real, huh?” she let out a humorless laugh and sniffed her nose, “What If I missed my one shot at love, Y/N? What if I lost my soulmate?”

That’s some deep shit.

Now that you think about it, were soulmates real? Soulmates come and go, yes, you’re aware of that, but even though they leave, it’s always temporary. Soulmates always find a way back to their other half, the piece that completes them.

Your dad never made it back to your mother.

He died in a car crash 5 years ago. Your mother and father had been arguing because she claimed your father was cheating on her since he wouldn’t let her check his phone.

You were 13 at the time. Your sister Akira was accompanying you in your room, listening to them arguing back and forth with one another. There was furniture flying across the room, glass breaking, and both of them throwing curses at each other. You were scared. They never argued in front of you and your sister. They'd bicker sometimes, but it was never anything too deep.

Eventually, your father had enough of your mother’s false accusations, and out of anger, he packed his things and left home. For weeks. It wasn’t until one of your uncles called your mother and broke the news. She didn’t take it very well.

Late 2012-early 2013.

Not many people came to your father’s funeral, his family didn’t like the fact that he and your mother were together, they said your mother was trouble, but your dad still stayed with her, even if that meant it would completely destroy the bond he had with his family. Now that’s true love, you had thought. Only your mother, Akira, the Sunas, your uncle, and you, of course, attended the funeral.

It hurt a lot. It hurt when your mother informed both your grandparents on your mother and father’s side and all they could do is put the blame on her. It hurt how they had claimed you, Akira and your mother were a hindrance to your dear father’s well-being. How could they be so cruel at a time like this?

That was the first time you ever questioned if soulmates were real. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time? Who knows.

After your father’s passing, Fumiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, was there to help your family out financially. Your mother couldn’t even find the motivating to go to work. Your mother and Fumiko have been best friends since junior high, they’ve literally been inseparable ever since. In fact, after they both got married, they decided to live right next to each other.

Your mom didn’t cope with your father’s death very well; none of you did. But your mom had it the worst.

She would cope with alcohol and clubbing which would always result in her bringing different men home almost every night. You didn’t say much about it, you thought it would be selfish to since that’s what seemed to make your mother feel better about herself, but your sister hated it. She was already 19 and in college at the time, but when she visited and found out that your mother had basically been neglecting you, she was furious.

“Seriously, mom? This is what you’re gonna do while your 13-year-old daughter is in her room having a literal mental breakdown because of your childish behavior?” Your sister had barged into your mother’s room when she thought you were asleep, she was screaming loud.

“You’re interrupting something important, Akira. You know better than to-”

“Oh, shut the hell up mom. You’re the last person on earth to be saying shit like that.”

“Well, if you’re done, you can leave my room now. You’re being disrespectful, and this behavior is not tolerated!” Your mother was screaming now. The man in the bed covering his body under the covers and looking back and forth between Akira and your mother.

“Sakiya, maybe you should hear your daughter out-”

“Not now.” your mother scarcely interrupted the man, eye contact never leaving Akira. “Y/N has never complained about this when you were in college. She knows this is my way of coping, why can’t you understand that too!”

Akira scoffed. “So what, getting fucked by random strangers you find on the filthy streets is your way of coping? Getting wasted every damn night to the point where Y/N has to drag you up to bed is okay with you? Do you even know how much this is affecting Y/N? Did you even bother asking her how she felt? I hate breaking it to you mom, but you need serious help.”

“You selfish child!” Your mother screamed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, getting up from the bed. “How dare you say that to your own mother?”

“I’m only telling the truth! If you’re the mother, then it’s your job to be taking care of Y/N, not neglecting her. When’s the last time you’ve engross in an actual conversation with her when you were fully sober?”

Your mother was silent. She quickly walked up to Akira and grabbed her by the hair and slammed her headfirst against the wall.

“You’ve got a big mouth! Maybe I should wash it with soap like I did back in the day, hm?” Akira was attempting to push her mother away, but she wouldn’t let go of her grip. The man that was still on your mother’s bed was in panic, yelling her name, which didn’t have any effect. He might as well stop.

"Look," Akira mumbled, struggling to get away from your mother's grip, "I know it's been hard ever since dad left-"

“Mom! Let go of her!” You cried from the door of her room.

All 3 adults froze and looked at your glassy eyes, mouths wide open.

“Hey, kiddo, I thought you were asleep?” Akira playfully said, your mother let go of Akira and crossed her arms then looked away from you.

“Well, I can't really go to sleep when there’s a bunch of adults yelling about my well-being,” you muttered incoherently. You quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears off your face and sighed.

“Honey,” your mom started, she walked slowly to you, carefully examined your face, and attempted to hug you, but you didn’t accept the offer which made your mother frown. She stopped walking until she was almost face to face with you and placed a hand on your shoulder gently. “Baby, your sister told me that you weren’t happy. Is this true?”

You looked away from her and stared dully at the floor, subtly shifting your feet, then you softly shook your head “no.”

“See Akira, Y/N is happy. So please stop stressing her out.” Your mother said through gritted teeth, then faced you once again. “Y/N honey, how about I go tuck you into bed, hm? I’m so sorry for the excessive noise that was caused.”

“Mom, how clueless can you be? Y/N looks miserable! It’s unhealthy for Y/N to be living-“

Slap.

Your mother just slapped Akira on the face.

“I know what’s best for my daughter! I am her mother! You are not the one who should be telling me how to take care of my own kid!”

“That’s enough, Sakiya.” a familiar voice said from the door.

“Fumeiko-“

“It’s fine. Sakiya, we need to talk.” It was Fumeiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, also known as your next door neighbor. She had been standing in the hallways the whole time, you didn’t even know she was there. Akira was the one who called her over.

That night your mother agreed to get help for her drinking problem. She was gone for 6 months. During those 6 months, the Suna’s took you in since Akira would be in college and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You and Rintaro were the only kids in the house, being that you both were the same age and the others were in college. It was okay, they were all very polite, dinners were awkward, you could feel some sort of tension between the family but you didn’t pay any attention to it.

When your mom finally came back, it was awkward at first. She still seemed the same, loving and caring, just sober and free of alcohol. It was nice. You two spent the weekends bonding at the mall, watching a movie, or even getting your nails done. Eventually, she gained your trust back, and you couldn’t have been happier.

January 2017.

“Akira, don’t say that. You may not believe me now, but you are such an amazing person, don’t ever think you’ll never find love again. It’s all about having a positive mindset!” you said, thoughtfully stroking her hair as her head laid on your chest.

“I told you that.”

“You did,” you chuckled, “you should take your own advice.

“Oh, shut up!” you both laughed, and Akira let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course, you don't need to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— so this is one of the writings that i wrote in January 😭 it’s been in my drafts and i re-read it once and instantly hated it right after. if there’s any typos please tell me!!

— also i wanna apologize again for putting gmds on hiatus,, i feel so bad 😭 i wanna make it up to you guys but idk how so if you have suggestions pls tell me

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leefi · 3 years

Note

Hi, I noticed you did the MBTI types of the ORV characters, and I was wondering what you think the MBTI types are for the Revue Starlight gals :D

Anon, I want you to know that this google doc is 14 pages single-spaced, and I'm still not done.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I'm so glad you asked!! I'll be breaking this up into four parts so we don't have to scroll through one massive wall of text. The other schools will take a bit more time to publish as I'm still working on a couple from each (I think I have four girls left!).

But without further ado:

Starira MBTI Part 1 - Seisho

Siegfeld

Frontier

Rinmeikan

I had a lot of help with all of this reading @HalfACape’s wonderful character analyses of so many of the girls on twitter, as well as consulting the Personality Database page for the characters I was less sure about (though there were a few I disagreed with on there - none in Seisho, we'll be discussing the others later). But everyone feel free to discuss if you disagree with anything!

Karen Aijo: ENFP

ENFPs’ dominant function is Ne (extroverted intuition) (that running gag Karen has in the game where she mishears words, spouting off suggestions even if they make absolutely zero sense to the situation at hand - “telescope? telephone? telenovella?” - is such stereotypical Ne). Ne is always running towards any possibility, no matter how unlikely it seems, and I don’t need to spell out for you how much of that we saw from Karen in the anime. Ne-Fi feed each other to create a rebel/free-spirit type of personality (Ne seeks all possibilities, Fi holds strong inner values and selfish desires - what do I want, what do I need? How does this make me feel?). Her Te isn’t too developed yet, which is fine because it’s tertiary and she’s still so young. That tertiary, undeveloped Te shows up in her scatterbrained, lackadaisical, go-with-the-flow attitude (but when dominant Fi gets fired up by something - like an old childhood friend coming home - it kicks Te into high gear). Inferior introverted Sensing shows no respect towards rules or regulations - see her revue with Junna (Si-dominant) and the anger she draws out of Maya for (a child of the system and traditionally hard worker) in their Revue of Pride. Karen is the natural rebel, the forever optimist, the sunshine girl - textbook ENFP.

Mahiru Tsuyuzaki: INFP

If you want to see what leading with an introverted function looks like compared to an extroverted function, compare Mahiru to Karen! They share the exact same functions, just flipped on the I/E axis. So Mahiru is Fi, Ne, Si, Te. Karen is Ne, Fi, Te, Si. And Mahiru is a very clear example of an INFP - such a warm, brilliant, awe-inspiring person, but can also be her own worst enemy and others tend to underestimate her. And it’s hard, I don’t blame her! Leading with Fi and not having that physical/in the moment Se to support it (like ISFPs do, just compare her to Kaoruko--yes--they’re only one letter off from each other) means that it’s extremely hard for INFPs to naturally advocate for themselves...so instead, they retreat into their own imaginations where it’s safer (Ne). BUT THEY’RE SO INCREDIBLE!! THERE’S SO MUCH THERE TO RESPECT AND ADMIRE!! *shakes her like maracas* IF YOU WOULD JUST SHOW US!!!!!!! (and this is her whole arc in the anime i don’t need to tell her lol). It’s actually so interesting how she and Karen’s Fi and Ne escapism manifests in their respective introverted/extroverted personalities. These two really are more similar than most of us think!

I love INFPs so, so much because they’re like sleeping giants. Once they get a hold of and develop that inferior extroverted Thinking it’s over - nobody else can compare. They’re like the characters in video games that start off super weak, and then you blink and suddenly they’ve become the most powerful units near the end of the game.

Kagura Hikari: INTJ

ENFP’s stereotypical partner (I swear every other reserved person A/sunshine person B couple in fiction is this type pairing) and while it’s tropey it works because these two types play off each other so well. I actually originally had her pegged as an ISTJ, but I think that her bullheadedness earlier in the anime is more indicative of Ni being stubborn. Hikari is cagey, reserved (tert Fi/inferior Se), and an incredibly high-achieving individual (dominant Ni sets specific goals, auxiliary Te implements). Her tertiary Fi (which INTJs LOVE to keep locked up, right here, forever, until they die) is so obvious as you slowly learn just how much of a sap/romantic she is. It’s her weaker Fi that holds that sentimentality towards Starlight after all these years, her Fi that struggles to hold on to that childhood promise, her Fi that has her following Karen (and eventually Mahiru as well) around like a duckling (though we initially get the impression that the dynamic is the other way around). She grows to care deeply for all the other girls around her and that’s all her tertiary introverted Feeling getting stronger as the story progresses! Like so many people in the fandom have realized, she isn’t a mean person, she’s just socially awkward. Not too much to say on her inferior Se, that mostly manifests in how she’s a homelier person who would rather stay in than go out, and doesn’t actively try to seek new experiences (this was what had me thinking ISTJ at first).

Junna Hoshimi: ISTJ

Karen’s polar opposite - they actually share the exact same functions, just in reverse! So Junna leads with introverted Sensing where it’s Karen’s weakest, and Karen leads with extroverted Intuition where it’s Junna’s weakest. And we see this play out in their revue!

Junna is one of my favorite characters in the series for a reason and it’s because it’s SO rare to see the ISTJ in a rebellious role. Si is all about following and respecting order, and Junna breaks all of that to create her own! We see that dominant Si show up in literally every other facet of her life, though - from her by-the-book attitude to her stringency with deadlines and tardiness to her respect for the creatives of old - Shakespeare, Nietschze, etc. She’s an incredibly bright and successful student as well (any type can be of course but the “kind of student” she is is very much Te supporting Si - super studious and placing heavy weight on studying and getting straight A’s). And her Fi is SO GOOD. SO SO SO SO GOOD AND SO APPARENT - MUCH stronger than IxTJ’s sibling Hikari’s at the start of the anime. That’s where the rebellious part of her spirit comes from - her values, her strong sense of self and desire for autonomy (EXTREMELY Fi thing - Fi is all about the self, how I feel about something, what I want out of this, not feeling trapped by others’ expectations, etc.). Inferior Ne manifests in how she struggles with improvisation, ends up tunnel visioning (see her revue with Karen), and can sometimes struggle to accept new ideas or ways of doing things (Junna works so hard, but it’s evident in the anime and a lot of her starira bond stories that she can end up getting stuck in her old ways if someone else doesn’t come in to offer a new perspective -- see her Jekyll bond story dialogue with Maya!). Another example we see is when her extroverted xSTJ sibling Akira, who has Ne a step higher than her but understands where she’s coming from with their shared functions, guides her towards using it in the High Priestess bond story!

Nana Daiba: ESFJ

Textbook ESFJ!! Caring, motherly, affable; Fe doms are always looking to appeal to the group and make sure that everybody feels comfortable (and, likewise, are very keen on suppressing their own insecurities/emotions/discomforts). Nana is not ambitious for ambition’s sake, and in fact suppresses her own talents to appeal to the group. As for that Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :)

Unhealthy Si can manifest as an extreme fixation on past experiences and a fear of moving on (we’re going to see this later with Si-dom Fumi too). Her poor tertiary Ne had gotten absolutely quashed by her stronger auxiliary Si in the anime - it doesn’t want to change anything! Claudine and Maya can be the leads again. We don’t need to modify the script. The first one was already perfect, why are we risking failure by changing things?! Also, holding herself back for the sake of everyones’ happiness is so Fe dom it hurts. If you want to see the difference between ESFJ and ENFJ (the two Fe-doms of MBTI), compare her to Michiru, who also suppresses her talents -- yes to cultivate the other girls’ (specifically Akira’s) brilliance but also for the sake of her ulterior motives to one day create her own troupe (aux Ni at work vs. Nana’s aux Si). Nana’s is more deferrant, but still just as ferocious - she’ll defeat Maya 60 times over to get what she wants. And the craziest thing is that all of this comes out of love and fear - she’s scared, and all of that is coming from her unhealthy Si aux. Junna is a very good example for her to follow for healthier Si.

Claudine Saijo: ENTJ

“DON’T IGNORE MY LINES!!!” ENTJs LOVE being at the top - the leaders of the pride, the people in charge, the ones you have to answer to (AND she’s a Leo too. Jfc girl pick a struggle LMAOOOOO). You get the picture - except Claudine isn’t in that position. Maya is. Claudine doesn’t even get a revue or her own song, because she’s Maya’s eternal second. This is a really, really uncomfortable spot for an ENTJ to be in, and it’s evident in how hard she pushes herself - and how antsy she gets whenever Maya is around. But Claudine never blames an outside system or factors like Karen (inferior Si) does for her situation - she just gets angry and more driven to succeed, bulldozing her way to the finish line (dominant Te-tertiary Se interacting). The tragedy of her character is that she will never surpass Maya, so we see her Ni begin to reframe achieving the very top to becoming the only star in Maya’s eye (little does she know that she’s already succeeded). That ripping off of her cloak at the end of the revue duet - “the only loser here is me” - is her inferior Fi poking its head out. At the end of the day, Claudine is an interesting character because she’s a walking contradiction. She’s a star denied a spotlight, but she isn’t a failure either, so she’s forced to grapple with this ambiguous, there-but-not-quite-there middle ground. It’s one big identity crisis in the making, and it’s clear to see why so many people relate to her and love her as a character - a lot of us can empathize with never quite being satisfied, and looking up towards heights that can appear insurmountable.

Maya Tendo: INFJ

She seems so normal and established and then you look closer and realize there’s something seriously wrong with her and oh my god where did this massive god complex come from. Typical Ni dom

From her detached, more “mature” personality to her altruistic and often surprisingly keen insight towards people, she has so many key makings of an INFJ. That dominant Ni is strong in Maya - everything is poured into theatre. Everything. From her hobbies to her interests to her personality, everything Maya does in her life is deliberate and all of it is for the sake of theatre. Ni bitches LOVE to fixate on just one thing, and for Maya, that is the stage. “I have no need for those who lack willpower...Come climb up here if you have the resolve...A single step forward is a step closer to my dream” is just...yeah I’m being redundant. Dominant introverted intuition. Ni Ni Ni Ni. This girl embodies it - while Hikari is also a Ni-dom, Maya shows a TON more of it than her (can’t say I blame the writers - Ni is probably the most difficult function to write because it requires thinking so many steps ahead for your character). We can see a marked difference between INFJs and INTJs here in how Maya and Hikari practice solitude - Hikari purposely isolates herself from Karen to avoid hurting her, while Maya purposely isolates and crafts herself into an untouchable God to serve as an inspiration to others (auxiliary extroverted Feeling). Want to see how this looks with the INFJ’s extroverted sibling, the ENFJ? Look at how Michiru crafts Akira’s public image. That’s Ni and Fe at work, just in different priority slots (Maya is Ni dominant, Michiru is Fe dominant - they share the same functions, just flipped on the I/E axis). That tertiary Ti is very prevalent too - Maya mostly keeps her thoughts to herself, and loves to mull over things. She definitely isn’t the first one to shout out an answer, she prefers to think things over.

One interesting comment that really stood out to me on her personality database page was how she’s an INFJ with an INTP persona in the anime, and I think I agree (INFJs and INTPs tend to present similarly and can be easily confused with each other anyway)! But I want to add on to that - I think that INTP presentation is her auxiliary Fe at play crafting a persona that better coincides with Claudine’s, as ENTJ/INTP matchups are extremely compatible (not saying Maya was thinking about MBTI LOL but rather she brought out and exemplified aspects of her personality that would better complement Claudine’s - their partnership is not a one-way street at all! Maya does so much for her!!). Just compare anime Maya to stageplay Maya, where she gives no headway and is absolutely brutal to Claudine.

Futaba Isurigi: ISTP

Futaba is such a great example of what a healthy ISTP can look like! Dominant Ti shows up in how she communicates with others - she's honest, direct, and to the point, but it's never utilized in a way that’s mean-spirited (contrary to how her girlfriend often can be) - it’s just how she communicates. Claudine (a Te dom which works SO well with Ti) actually points out in Starira that this is why they get along so well. Aux Se shows up in her physicality - her love and strength is in stage fights, she's into mechanics with her motorcycle and does all the maintenance herself, etc. Funnily enough, I think that tert Ni, while a slot above Fe, is actually Futaba’s least developed trait (or, at least, the one she's most guarded about) - she went into Seisho to follow Kaoruko, and her aux Se dominates that tert slot and gives her a … little bit of a lackadaisical attitude? Obviously not as much as someone like Karen, but in many senses she doesn't outwardly display a strong fear or anxiety towards the future like the other girls (completely understandably) do - and it’s that tert Ni getting angry when she feels as if Kaoruko is stagnating in her plans. There’s some inklings of her own plan for the future, but Futaba’s own individual plans are mostly kept to herself, so we don’t know how much or little she’s done about them. (I have more to add but will not continue as I’m venturing into movie spoilers territory, but for those that have watched/read them, try to draw your own conclusions based on what I’ve said!). I think that having such a close relationship with Kaoruko is what pushed her to develop that inferior Fe so early to support her girlfriend's dominant Fi. I actually originally had her typed as ESTP for how strong her Fe was (ESTPs have it a slot higher than their introverted siblings), but she really doesn’t strike me as an extrovert, and ISTPs with developed Fe can be very warm, affable people too!

Kaoruko Hanayagi: ISFP

“Kaoruko Hanayagi’s dream is world domination.”

Kaoruko is such a great example of what an unhealthy ISFP can look like! LMAOOO but no, I’m dead serious - if you want to know what unhealthy introverted Feeling looks like, look to Kaoruko. Everything is me me me me me me me, to hell with what anyone else wants (if you want to compare unhealthy Fe to unhealthy Fi, compare Nana and Kaoruko). Tertiary Ni shows up to support Fi in how surprisingly sharp she is towards other people - what makes them tick, exactly where to hurt, their inner thoughts and feelings (see her bathtub conversation with Mahiru).

BUT THAT DOMINANT Fi IS ALSO SUCH A POWERFUL THING. That “me me me me me me” is going to turn into “my vision, and what I want to create, and what I’m going to do” (once that inferior Te finally develops - which Kaoruko is going to be forced to put work into eventually). This is why, like Mahiru, I think that Kaoruko is seriously going to blossom later on in life - ISFPs and INFPs, the Pisces of the MBTI, have this weird penchant for going under the rader and then becoming insanely fucking successful OUT OF NOWHERE??? Like, they aren’t super motivated and driven with a specific plan like Ni-strong xNxJs, or disciplined and hardworking like Te-strong xSTJs, but???? You blink and suddenly they’re millionaires with four creative projects going on simultaneously (but if they get bored with any of them they’ll drop them instantly - you could not pay me all the money in the world to be an IxFP’s manager it must be an absolute nightmare <3). Just...legends out of nowhere? Rihanna is an ISFP Pisces so I have real world evidence to back this up.

#revue starlight #woof #seisho #some are longer than others but i promise it wasn't intentional :( just a matter of when i got to them (i went out of order)#for example Karen and Mahiru were written first so there's a lot less on them. Maya I JUST finished writing 10 minutes ago so I could #publish Seisho and you can tell by the length of hers how much I got into the swing of things LMAO #aijo karen #tsuyuzaki mahiru #kagura hikari #saijo claudine #tendo maya #isurigi futaba #hanayagi kaoruko #daiba nana #hoshimi junna #i love nana so so much but couldn't write enough for her. idk why she was giving me a block...

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kareofbears · 4 years

Text

blinding lights, chapter 3/4

Their height gap is a wide one, but in no way is Sumire going to let Akechi keep looking down on her. “It became my business the minute we wanted the same thing: to fix this reality.“

—

Akechi and Sumire have to traverse through the events of the third semester without Akira (or rather, against him).

read on ao3 or under the cut!

——

On a technical standpoint, rain doesn’t bother Akechi.

Whenever it rains, no matter if it was just a drizzle or a downpour, people scramble to the nearest overhang, praying that they don’t get drenched. Such a trivial thing to get panicked by, he thought. City rain like this was hardly something to fear, yet it remains a constant in societal culture—water starts falling from the sky and people stop whatever they’re doing to duck for cover.

And since Akechi had long since accepted to reform himself into the mold of society rather than the other way around, here he was, in the middle of Kichijoji, shoulders pressed back against the building of Darts & Billboards, waiting for the rain to tire itself out.

Out of all the habits he’s practiced and perfected from his days of deceit, it’s strange that hiding out from rainfall is one of the few that he still can’t shake, inconsequential as it was. He had learned that mimicking what can be considered societal norms and exercised it in everyday life can at least trick most people that he, Akechi Goro, can be lumped in with the norms and be heightened to excellence later on. People hid from droplets and because the path of normalcy is what he wanted, he decided that he’ll hide with them.

It took him a long time to narrow down why it bothered him. Why, for some reason, it had pissed him off that idiots would commit to such an insignificant action. It’s because when people run for cover, when they prioritize the act of hiding over everything else, they’re essentially allowing the rain—this overall harmless entity—to prevent them from reaching their destination. Fools let their decisions be dictated by the weather, wasting their time waiting it out, letting themselves be dictated beyond their control.

It’s a product of the collective unconscious; rather than pushing past the drizzle to reach their destination, or continue living their life as it were before the storm clouds rolled in, the masses decided that the better decision was to cease all movements because it would be easier. When it rains, society comes at a standstill.

“D’you always just stand in the middle of the promenade lookin’ pissed, or am I just lucky?”

Akechi blinks and turns his head to see a patch of bright, blond hair with an even brighter grin. His purple hood was pulled up, but it’s too short that it does little to block out the downpour.

Sakamoto Ryuji stands in front of him, completely drenched and unbothered.

“I’d hardly call it luck, so much as a coincidence.” Flicking his eyes downward, Ryuji adjusts the heavy looking plastic bags hanging off of his wrists. “And you?”

“Doing some grocery shopping for my ma. She’s been real busy at work, so…” he shrugs.

It really was a strange coincidence that he shows up like this, unprompted. The universe, if it ever was sentient, had never thrown him a bone. However, for Ryuji to show up, it almost seems like a waste to let it go.

If he’s been wanting to see Sakamoto up close, this is as good as it’s gonna get.

“How do you feel about joining me in some people-watching?” Akechi asks.

Ryuji’s eyes light up. “Sure! These bags are getting heavy anyway, could use a break.” He dodges a stream of water flowing cleanly from the gutter and joins Akechi underneath the overhang. Whether he can sense Akechi’s discomfort or perhaps it’s a feeling residing from the real reality, Ryuji had kept a gap of about a meter between the two.

“I hope I didn’t take you away from any pressing matters, Sakamoto.”

“Nah,” he gently sets down his bags before turning to give Akechi his full attention. “Don’t got much waiting for me back home with my ma at work, but can’t stay for too long,” he nods his head down to his bags. “She’d kick my ass if I let the milk go bad.”

Ryuji laughs, shoulders shaking. “But y’know, I see you hangin’ with ‘Kira sometimes, and any friend of that bastard is a friend of mine. And, uh, speaking of…” With an expression of guilt and reluctance so tremulous that Akechi can only compare it to a child getting caught with their hand in a cookie jar. “That’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Yes, technically he’s an unforgivable hypocrite for advising Sumire against speaking to Ryuji, but that won’t stop him from getting the information he needs. (It never has.)

After all, there must be something special about Sakamoto in order to have Kurusu Akira wrapped around his finger.

“Oh?” he responds.

“Yeah, it, uh, might be a bit awkward so I’ll do my best to be straight about it,” Ryuji looks embarrassed, but determined. “I know the feeling of not wanting to say something, to have it weigh you down and shit. Basically, what I’m tryna say is: you don’t just gotta rely on Akira!”

Akechi’s eyes widen. It should’ve been impossible. How did he figure out about Akira and the other reality when he hasn’t even been snapped out of it—

“You looked super stressed back in New Year’s and I get that you’d rather talk to Akira, but he’s a busy guy. And I know we aren’t close, but if you want to vent, or just, I dunno, get some ramen together?” he shrugs and throws a smile in Akechi’s direction. “I’m here for you.”

Akechi’s face is carefully blank. He’s wrong, because of course Sakamoto didn’t figure it out. (Has he ever figured anything out?)

He had done extensive research on the Thieves the second he got a whiff of who they might be, and that was especially the case for the initial members of the group. Sakamoto Ryuji, a second-year in the now infamous Shujin Academy. Formerly the star of the track team, his leg was snapped beyond repair by Kamoshida, the Thieves’ initial target. While he had always possessed a temper, it had grown exponentially when the teacher had faced no charges and he was shunned by the rest of the school. It’s like the Boy Who Cried Wolf—except there had undoubtedly been a wolf, and the boy ended up with a lifetime’s worth of permanent damage.

At first, he had chalked up Ryuji’s temper as yet another weakness—Akechi had learned firsthand just how fast the hand of authority strikes if one were to place a toe out of line. It’s how he decided to perfect the weapon of deceit. Akechi learned from his mistakes, to the point that his heart had split itself into two people he could become: Loki as his true self, and Robin Hood as who he needs to be.

Even Akira had understood the hubris of exposing himself, had felt the same punishment that Akechi was subjected to (ironically by the same person). In a world where a mask can be the difference between life and death, Akechi and Akira had decided to be its executioner rather than the one subjected to the sharp end of the guillotine.

By the nature of these rules, Ryuji should have been beheaded. And he was.

But instead of learning his lesson the way Akechi and Akira had, he had been rejuvenated. Instead of bending to the will of authority, he let that pressure mold him into something tougher, let the anger inside him fester and grow.

It had made sense, in hindsight, why Ryuji had treated him the way he did (it’s not like Akechi had the best intentions). So seeing him like this, where he never found out Akechi’s true personality, allowed him to see Ryuji in his natural state.

A feeling surges within Akechi, so foreign that it takes him slightly too long just to name it. All around him, deep in his gut, spread all the way to the tips of his fingers and his toes is wave after wave of…

“I’m done here,” Akechi says.

Discomfort.

“Huh?” Ryuji cocks his head. “Uh, was that weird of me to say? My bad, Ann’s always said I had a big, fat mouth. Sorry, yeah we aren’t close and stuff. Just thought it’d be nice—”

Akechi holds back a click of his tongue and, with a little effort, morphs his expression into one of false platitudes and plasticity. A slight quirk in his lips (not too high or it’ll scare them), tilt his head at a certain angle, and raise his voice an octave to indicate an apology. “Sorry to leave so suddenly. Thank you for your time.”

The rain had stopped sometime during their conversation and he hates that the universe seemed like it had taken pity on him.

Ryuji says something to him, but Akechi refuses to listen to another word—he doesn’t need to. He got what he wanted. All it took was one conversation for Akechi to know exactly what Akira sees in him.

That incessant authenticity and kindness shouldn’t exist in a world like this. It shouldn’t have existed in an angry boy like him.

Akechi tries (and fails) to look like he isn’t running away.

It was only when he was in bed later that night that he realized he didn’t find out what Ryuji’s wish was. Given the way he said Akira’s name though, Akechi didn’t have to think too hard.

—

AG: The biggest gray area in this has to be with Niijima Makoto YS: wow. I didn’t think you’d be straight-forward with your relationship with her. thank you for your honesty. YS: you both must have a difficult history with one another :( AG: What are you talking about? AG: I’m saying I don’t know where to find her. YS: ah. i see. YS: haha how about we just pretend that never happened?

They checked Shujin Academy (closed for winter break), Aoyama Itchome (for good measure), and finally the bookstore in Central Street (the smell of books is so lovely) before Akechi began to lose his temper.

“It wouldn’t be a huge surprise if we just found her in the middle of Tokyo University impersonating a research assistant as some sad excuse to feel some adrenaline for the first time in her life,” he says as they walk down the escalator, prepared to hop on the train and try somewhere else.

Sumire frowns. “Being studious doesn’t make someone boring.”

“Of course it doesn’t. Kurusu is at the top of his class and a huge public nuisance. No, Niijima’s absolutely underneath the sole of academics and government propaganda from her father since day one.”

“You don’t like her?”

“I don’t like anyone,” he replies. “Especially not someone so tied with practicing law like she plans to.”

They round the corner. “You can talk to her about that yourself.”

Standing by the overpriced-looking smoothie bar is Niijima Makoto, accompanied by a beautiful older woman who looks like she can melt down a rusted car with a single glare.

“I would think that Sae-san would quite actually murder me if I were to bring that up.”

“You know the other woman?”

“It would be rude not to know my co-workers after all,” says Akechi. “That’s prosecutor Niijima Sae—Makoto’s sister as well as one of the Thieves’ targets from the past.”

Sumire ponders over the odds for a second. “Did she happen to have a casino as a Palace?”

He pauses. “Yes. As a matter of fact, she did.”

“Amazing! What luck!” she beams. “May I try and guess what their wish may be?”

“Is this nothing but a game to you?” he says immediately, before stopping himself. “…One guess.”

Brows scrunching together, she leans towards him, shoulders sagged as if she was carrying a secret so heavy that it physically weighed her down. Poker chips, alcohol bottles, and slot machines… “Did Makoto-senpai wish for Sae-san’s gambling addiction to go away?”

Akechi stares at her. “Who was it again that taught you how Palaces work?”

“Morgana-senpai.”

“If that’s the case, I’m simply over the moon that he didn’t join us on our mission.” They walk towards the Niijimas, who were still chatting amicably with one another. “Their father passed when they were young; it left their family jaded, it was traumatizing, et cetera, I’m sure you get the gist.”

“Wait, I really don’t—”

“Akechi? What a coincidence!”

The sisters greeted them with kind eyes and soft smiles, and Sumire has to accept that she’s out of her league for this one—the student council president may have been a common name around school, but it hardly ever came with more information other than how good her grades were, as well as the potential ‘narc’ comment. But despite what Akechi thinks, no Phantom Thief could possibly be on the side of the police; they’ve all had enough firsthand experience with that particular institution to see just how often the system has failed them.

Akechi nods. “It truly is,” he says, as if they hadn’t spent half the day walking around Tokyo scrounging for them. “This is Yoshizawa Sumire, Sae-san.”

“Pleasure to meet you!”

“Likewise,” Sae says.

“I have to admit, I’m quite surprised to see you here,” Akechi says. “Did we interrupt you both?”

“Not at all. We were just doing some grocery shopping for dinner tonight. Our father’s been having a craving for teriyaki,” she answers. “Why so surprised, Akechi?”

“Nothing in particular,” he says, and Sumire can feel his smugness radiating from where she’s standing. Well, he is a detective, so she’s not too shocked. “It’s simply refreshing to see you spending time with your family, despite being as busy as you are.” With a tilt of his head, he turns to Makoto. “I haven’t heard about your father for a long time.”

Makoto recoils a little, and winces. “My…father? No, wait, dad’s been gone for…It doesn’t make any sense…:

Sumire nearly startles when Makoto suddenly straightens up, gaze clouded. Akechi clicks his tongue.

“Sorry,” she says, a bit dizzily, already taking a step back. “Sae and I need to make it to the grocery store before it closes.”

Sumire waves half-heartedly and sighs when they’re gone. “Niijima-senpai perhaps had the most graceful escape so far,” she comments.

Pulling back his sleeve, Akechi peers at his watch. “It’s two pm. She could’ve done better,” he scoffs. “It’s a shame. I had high hopes for her to be the first one. She’s the only one in that circus who had more than one brain cell and isn’t named Kurusu.”

“…May I ask you something?”

“You’re already asking a question, just ask it.”

Sumire rocks back and forth on her heels. “Why do you call him that?”

“Because that’s his name?”

“Last name,” she corrects. “Why not call him by his first name?”

“What kind of question is that? Is this a test? A trial to prove that I’m willing to be honest?” Sumire stays silent. “Alright then, if it’ll help you sleep at night. I can’t possibly fathom how you still haven’t figured out that he and I aren’t as buddy-buddy as you think.”

“Well, yes, I know that but—”

“And you?”

Her heart rate skyrockets. “What about me?”

“You call him by his surname as well, even topped off with a ‘senpai’ at the end,” Akechi raises a brow. “Why not on a first name basis?”

“W-we aren’t that close!” she exclaims. “That’s reserved for people who’s close to him, like a good friend, or a girlf—boyfr—partner. We just… aren’t that.”

“Strange, isn’t it?” Akechi says. “We aren’t even on a first name basis with him, yet here we are; fresh from New Year’s, running around Tokyo for his friends who should be doing this instead.”

(Sumire very nearly says it, what’s been on her mind since Maruki’s Palace. But as it stands, she doesn’t want to ruin the foundation—very unstable, can most definitely blow away with a strong gust of wind, but a foundation nonetheless—that she and Akechi reluctantly built.)

“Yes, it really is strange.”

—

AG: Are you particularly close with Okumura? YS: unfortunately not, no. i’ve heard about what happened to her father, though. Perhaps her wish is related to his passing. AG: …Yes, I believe it is. I would think that the two of them would look at ways of expanding the Big Bang business. So basically, Tokyo Hotspots. YS: kichijoji? that place is always bustling YS: not to mention, i’d love for them to open up there. their milkshakes are incredible ( ◜‿◝ )♡ AG: Good call. We’ll try there first then. AG: At any rate, it will be a very quick confrontation with her.

“So I’ve been thinking—”

“A dangerous pastime, but go on.”

Sumire huffs without heat as they traverse Kichijoji—busy even in this time of year, though in no small part because of the shrine nearby. “We’ve been doing this…” What are they doing? “Saving our known reality business for nearly a week now. It hasn’t been going the best.”

Neither of them need a reminder that their victory ratio is currently at a strong zero to six. “So maybe we need to change it up a bit! I thought up a strategy last night that I think we should implement today,” she beams up at him.

Akechi’s gaze can wither flowers. “Do you need me to explain how idiotic that sounds?”

“Oh, come on Akechi! We need all the help we can get, especially since we only have two left. Plus, you haven’t even heard the strategy. Would you like to hear it?”

She doesn’t wait for his response before eagerly pushing through. “I understand and accept that you’re a bit ruthless, which is great! Well, great if that’s who you are. And since you called me a goody two shoes that one time, I figured we can go with that.” Sumire steps in front of Akechi and raises her hands to the sky, chin tilted upwards. “We can do the ‘good guy, bad guy’ strategy! That’s what we’ve been doing anyway. It can be like Zootopia.”

A silence stretches out—Sumire’s grin unfaltering and Akechi’s perfectly blank.

Then, “What the fuck is a Zootopia?

“Did you not watch that movie? It was pretty big.”

“Do I look like someone who’d watch a documentary on the animal kingdom?” His eyes zero in on something. “Lucky us, we found them.”

Okumura Haru stands with whom Sumire can only assume is her father. The speak amicably with each other, adoration radiating off of them as they point and gesture at the various businesses around the promenade.

“Don’t forget the strategy,” she whispers.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he responds sarcastically.

A feeling of optimism blossoms in Sumire’s chest as they approach the Okumuras. Maybe it’s the nice weather, or it’s another opportunity to finally achieve their goal of gaining one of Akira’s allies. Mostly though, she chalks it up as relief that even though it’s far from perfect, Akechi’s finally starting to let down the drawbridge, bit by bit.

And that’s when Haru decides to look in their direction.

Instead of the initial small talk, the breadcrumbs that hint towards their other reality, instead of gently edging them to the truth, Haru had completely bypassed all of that. A feeling of deja vu tugs strangely at Sumire as she takes in her expression—the usual confusion and pained tightening of the brows, but this time, a raw, unquestionable fury morphs onto her features.

It’s a near-perfect replica of Futaba’s expression.

After a few seconds, Haru says something to her father, and they leave, leaving Akechi and Sumire mid-stride in the middle of the promenade.

Another silence reigns over them, heavy and suffocating despite the bustle of Kichijoji.

“We didn’t even need to talk to her,” Akechi says. “An efficient failure.” The silence stretches on. “You have something to say..”

Sumire shoots him a dark look. “Alley,” she says, voice uncharacteristically low. “It might upset the families if we speak rudely in front of them.”

She leads them to the backstreets, where most stores are closed until the nightlife crowd rolls in. It was empty, and only the metal shutters and stray plastic bags strewn about the pavement were present to hear them.

“Of course I have something to say,” Sumire says, fists clenched tightly at her sides. “You promised back at Leblanc. You said that you won’t withhold information from me anymore, for the sake of the mission.”

She points behind her in the direction of where the Okumura’s left. “Despite what you may like to believe, I’m not an idiot who won’t notice something as obvious as Okumura-senpai running away the second she sees you. She didn’t even speak to us before she ran, which is considerably worse than Sakura-chan.” Sumire’s eyes narrow. “What are you still hiding from me?”

Throughout her speech, Akechi didn’t even blink. “Has it occurred to you that I simply lied when I made that pesky promise to you, or are you still the same person who fell right into Maruki’s waiting hands last spring?”

Sumire recoils as if she’d been hit. “Don’t bring that up, it has nothing to do with this—”

“Doesn’t it?” his voice is cold. “Isn’t the reason why you’re so desperate for me to be open with you is that you have some sort of trust issues?”

“That’s not it.”

“Finally we’re getting somewhere,” Akechi’s red eyes seem to be glowing despite the darkness in the shadowed alley. With a sickening feeling, she realizes he’s enjoying this. “Let me take a guess. You’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart, an overflowing kindness that you have to act on and spread across the globe. And, if you’re simply good and lucky enough, maybe, just maybe, your beloved ‘Kurusu-senpai’ will look away from his little group long enough to see how sweet and kind you are—”

“Shut up,” she cuts him off. Her voice is slow and deliberate. “You want to know what I’m doing this for? It’s because I’m sick and tired of these hellish lies.”

Akechi stays quiet as she continues, struggling to speak while her eyes blazed with fury. “I basically just found out that I’m not who I thought I was for the past ten months. Do you know what that feels like? It’s like if someone kidnapped me, shoved me in the back of a van, blindfolded. Maruki, bless his soul, forced me to believe whatever garbage he thought was best for me. It makes me sick to think that I fell for that reality, never once did I question it.”

She clenches her jaw. “You know what I want, Akechi? It’s not the philanthropy you’re so obsessed with, or senpai’s affection. What I want is my kidnapper to fail. I want him to regret what he did to me, to stop what he’s doing to everyone else. Even if his intentions were good, I am not going to let him get away with this,” Sumire looks directly into Akechi’s eyes. “And you are not going to be the one to slow me down.”

Chest heaving, she realizes she’s breathless. After a brief pause, Akechi speaks.

“Our motivations aren’t too far off from one another,” his voice is strangely cool, as if his fury and long since dissipated from the surface and had manifested into something sharp and dangerous. “You said you’re tired of the lies? Of being used like some kind of puppet, a test subject? Of having the rug pulled from you just because someone fucking felt like it? Good. But our similarities stop there.”

He leans back against the metal gate of a closed bar. “At the root of it, you want to stop Maruki so that he doesn’t push his beliefs to anyone else. Whether you like it or not, your motivation is accidental philanthropy. I could not give less of a shit about Maruki, or Tokyo, or even the rest of this damned world. I just want to be able to live in a reality where I get to choose what I want to do.”

“So let me help you!” she exclaims, frustrated. “Some detective, you are—keeping secrets isn’t going to help this situation.”

“You still don’t get it, do you? I tried to make this as easy to understand as possible, but I guess I just have to make it obvious.” Akechi straightens up and from the smirk resting on his mouth and the way his brow is lifted, condescension is simply dripping from him. Sumire refuses to recoil. “I don’t care if you want to help me. I am a selfish person who does what he wants. I’m willing to tear down anyone in my path, use anyone in my way, if it means that I get what I want.”

“Maybe you are!” Sumire says. “A selfish person, I mean.”

Akechi blinks, and throws his head back, loud laughter echoing through the alley. “‘Maybe I am?’” He laughs again, nearly doubling over. When he sobers up a bit, she has to force herself not to flinch. It’s as if something had unhinged in Akechi and she’s seeing the result of that—his eyes are twinkling as his smirk stretches even further over his face; an edged grin. “Do you need an example, Yoshizawa? Proof? Citation for what I’ve done just so you can understand? Look forward to it, since you’ll learn at long last why Sakura and Okumura took one look at me and fled.”

Bending over slightly so that he’s eye-level with Sumire, he announces: “I killed Sakura Futaba’s mother and Okumura Haru’s father. I am a murderer.”

“So am I.”

Akechi stops breathing, blinking as he processes what Sumire just said. She only looks back through narrowed eyes, daring him to say something.

When he doesn’t, she relaxes a bit. “Are you in the mood for darts? Since we finished with Okumura-senpai much earlier than expected, we have some time. And besides,” Sumire brushes her bangs out of her eyes. “There’s more to discuss, and I’m not really feeling this alley anymore.”

—

“It’s different. You must know that it’s different.”

Sumire waits until she gets their darts from behind the counter. “I know.”

Darts & Billiards was never particularly full, but it was never empty either. There were a few groups, pairs, and serious soloists that filled the entire room with indecipherable chatter and the loud clack of eight-balls colliding with one another. Anything that Akechi and Sumire might talk about thankfully gets shrouded by the white noise.

“Any preferences?” she says, waving around the dart in her hands.

“701,” he says immediately. “Anything lower is child’s play.”

Sumire nods as she inputs the settings. “Kurusu-senpai said something before he went with Dr. Maruki,” she began. “He said that he was doing this for his friends—the Thieves, myself,” she glances back. “And in his words, ‘especially you.’”

“And what of it?” Akechi asks.

“I believe that Kurusu-senpai knows of your past, knows your struggles and whatever you’ve gone through. I can only guess what you’ve had to endure, and how it led you to what you did to their parents.” Sumire offers him his set of darts. “May I go first?”

Akechi nods and she takes her stance—despite everything, she’s a little nervous playing darts with someone who actually plays to win.

Sumire throws it as best she can when Akechi speaks. “Does it justify it, then? If my life was difficult enough, would you give me a pass for killing innocent people?”

“No,” she casts another dart. “It doesn’t. Nothing really justifies that.” Pinching her last dart between her fingers, she fiddles as she thinks. “But I accidentally killed my sister over my incompetence in gymnastics.”

“But that’s the difference,” Akechi waves his hand. “It wasn’t an accident that they died by my hands. I had planned it, plotted it, and accomplished it. What you did wasn’t deliberate; it was a spur of the moment decision to run into traffic.”

Sumire hurls her final dart a little harder than usual. “I didn’t say that you should be forgiven, Akechi! I mean, I still don’t forgive myself. But even if it is different, I can at least understand your sentiments a fraction better than anyone else can. Do I think that it’s fine that two people who’re the same age as us lost their parents? Of course not. It makes me ill just thinking about it.”

She walks to the board and gingerly plucks off her darts. “But if I tried to pretend that I don’t understand what you’ve done—that isn’t right, either.”

He has a thoughtful expression on his face, his darts rolling between his fingers similar to how people fidget with loose change; Sumire hadn’t even known it was possible to do that. “Interesting.”

Stepping up to the mat, Akechi tilts his body sideways, obviously practiced in the game. His expression doesn’t change when it lands on a triple twenty.

“Do you regret it?”

His hand is steady as he throws—another triple twenty. “The murders? It depends.”

“On?”

“Do I regret being caught, used, and humiliated by losers who I thought were beneath me? Yes. Do I regret ending the lives of many?” casting his third dart, it lands so close to the others that they wobble in unison. “No. Not really.”

Sumire’s next round was a silent one, Akechi’s confession playing on repeat in her mind. He had simply said it with no hesitation; his tenor hadn’t changed, posture didn’t shift. The words that flowed out of him had no emotion whatsoever—they were clinical, like a doctor stating the facts to a terminal patient.

The ongoing background noise paid no mind to their silence, stuck in its blissful ignorance despite the pair’s topics. If there’s one guarantee in this world, it’s that it’s extremely likely that no one will listen just as the conversation is getting important.

Akechi’s on his second turn when he says, “You took well to the fact that I’ve killed in cold blood.”

“I knew that you were hiding something,” she says. “It’s because of how you act. You were a little cruel back in the Palace, and while it’s no excuse, people who have…” she scratches her head. “A hardened heart usually has a nasty past, and what Kurusu-senpai said only confirmed it.”

No matter how many times he does it, Sumire still gets impressed by his casual triple twenty.

Swapping places with him, she closes one eye as she ponders over her strategy. “But despite the fact that you’re a ruthless sort of person—” her dart sails forward and sticks to the board. “I’m willing to look past it if it means we can change reality.” Sumire cocks her head at him. “Can you?”

Akechi stays silent as Sumire launches another dart—one more and they can win it. “Selfish is what we call ourselves, right?” she says. “That we’re only in it for yourselves, regardless of what happens to everyone else. If we work together and it raises the odds of getting what we want, doesn’t that still play into the fact that we’re acting for our own benefit?”

She lines herself up for the last point, and takes a deep breath. “What did you call it? Accidental philanthropy?” she throws her dart and watches as it curves beautifully—only for it to miss her mark by quarter-inch. “Oh no!”

“Accidental philanthropy…” he muses, indifferent to their loss. “That doesn’t sound half-bad.”

Sumire raises her eyebrows, skeptical. “Really?”

“I know that my past actions may have dictated our failure to some extent. That was my fault,” Akechi crosses his arms. “I won’t let it happen again.”

Maybe she was too forgiving, or too trusting, or maybe it’s the closest she’ll get as an apology out of Akechi, but she finds herself nodding. “That’s all I wanted.”

He moves to put on his coat. “Was it to your satisfaction?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve wanted to talk even before we discovered Maruki’s schemes,” he shoves his arms through his coat sleeves. “Are you satisfied”

“Pretty much,” Sumire nods. “I understand you much better than before, at least.”

Collecting his darts, he heads to the register. “Why do you want to understand?”

“…Because I’m curious. You changed so abruptly, I didn’t even know who you were anymore—not that I did to begin with. Not to mention, the people Kurusu-senpai knows are always interesting, and you’re definitely not an exception.”

Akechi turns, and from the doubt on his features, he doesn’t take the bait.

“Fine. That wasn’t a lie, though. I just…” she hesitates, and decides to throw caution to the wind. “I want to get to know my teammate better.”

Anything could’ve happened in that beat of silence, much to the ignorance of the loitering patrons.

“See,” he replies. “Now that I can believe. And here I thought I was the only one who needed to practice honesty more.”

He walks back to register. “I’ll handle the bill. Call it a repaying of debts, in a way.”

“For what?”

“That’s what teammates do, don’t they?”

Sumire feels herself smile widely. It had only taken about six days, their entire reality shifting, and a busted game of darts, but it finally feels like she and Akechi are fighting the same battle.

—

AG: If it all goes to plan, we should’ve at least been able to convince one of them AG: As much as it truly pains me to say it, putting our faith in them is our best chance at success. AG: Worse comes to worst, there’s a reason why we’re making him the last one to convince. He’s our trump card. YS: you mean sakamoto-senpai? AG: Ugh, don’t make me say it.

According to Akechi’s knowledge of Ryuji’s whereabouts (as unhappy as he was to recite it), there are two places that he frequents—the arcade in Shibuya or loitering around Shujin.

The arcade was full of random teens and pre-teens, all deeply invested in games that Sumire had never taken up but Akechi was apparently knowledgeable in (“Good practice,” he had replied when she asked, and she opted not to pry any further).

The two had hopped back on the train to Aoyama-Itchome, forced to stand as life resumes back to normalcy post-holidays. Despite the tight fit of the car, Akechi had placed a good amount of space between them—whether it’s for his sake or hers, she can appreciate the gesture.

The morning was a strange one. Ever since their darts game and impromptu heart-to-heart, the atmosphere between them had shifted. It’s still a few miles off from being friendly, but it’s easier now; there’s an unspoken understanding between them, a common goal that drives them forward.

Still, it would’ve been nice if they had gotten their act together prior to meeting with their last Phantom Thief.

“By the way,” Akechi says, and Sumire’s eyes flicker up at him in interest. They had been silent since they stepped on the train. “In the acknowledgement of…team spirit,” his lips curled, unable to keep the mocking out of his words at such a ridiculous concept. “I should let you know that I’ve spoken to Sakamoto.”

“Oh.” She can’t seem to muster up any shock. “When? Did you plan it?”

“A few days ago, and no, it was by chance,” his eyes narrowed. “Did you speak to Sakamoto?”

“Not on purpose!” Sumire defends, shifting her sweaty grip on the plastic handle. “He just happened to be there.”

“He seems to have a knack for that,” Akechi says, and Sumire doesn’t comment on the strange quality of his voice—bitterness? “Well? Anything worth repeating?”

“Uh…” she racks her brain. Somehow, she doesn’t think that Ryuji’s blow by blow of the new shounen manga was what Akechi’s looking for. “Nothing in particular. Oh! He spoke quite a bit about Kurusu-senpai, but that’s not too surprising, considering his wish and all.” ‘Quite a bit’ might be a bit of an understatement.

He squints at her. “Whose wish?”

“Kurusu-senpai’s? Obviously Sakamoto-senpai would still be affected since he’s directly tied Kurusu-senpai’s wish.”

His stare doesn’t relent. “Why on earth would Kurusu’s wish still be affecting Sakamoto? He already broke free of the fake reality, meaning that Sakamoto isn’t affected by Kurusu’s wish,” says Akechi. “The idiot has his own wish. Did you not know?”

Sumire would describe herself as a person with a decent amount of pride, but an obvious fact like that has heat rushing to her cheeks. She ignores him and instead asks, “Did you figure out his real wish?”

“On a technicality, no. Though I have a rather strong hunch on what it is, based on my interaction with him,” he cringes a bit when the train rocks someone into him. “It’s likely that his wish may be the exact as Kurusu’s.”

“As in…” she blinks. “He wished to be with senpai?”

“It’s possible. Disgusting, how desperate they are to bring something to fruition that could easily be done without the Metaverse.” And he adds, “Your conclusion wasn’t too far off.”

“Wow,” as articulate as it was, it was really all she could say about his observation. It sounds like an impossibility; having two people wish for each other, like some cheesy rom-com but with way more monsters and magic. Yet it makes sense—the way Ryuji spoke of Akira like he put up the moon, with a feeling of undeniable admiration and respect sandwiched between friendly jabs at him. It sounds like an impossibility, she realizes, because it probably is one. It would take something as insane as the Metaverse to create something as equally improbable as their level of requited love.

The speaker overhead announces their station and they both exit with no small amount of polite shoving.

It’s a short walk from Aoyama to the school, a route familiar enough to Sumire that she can probably traverse it with her eyes closed.

“Do you know where in Shujin he might be?” Akechi asks, and belatedly she realizes she hasn’t given him any indication for where to go. Not that it was a problem—for someone who doesn’t go here, he seems to know the path just as well as she does. “Is the school even open?”

“It should be fine,” Sumire says. “The grounds, maybe? Actually, the track is probably our best shot, since he goes for a run pretty often.”

A beat passes.

“How often?” he asks slowly.

“Um—” she spots a familiar patch of bleached hair. “Look, there he is! It looks like he’s talking to…is that the track team?”

Akechi hums. “Is it, now?”

“Pipe down, dumbass!” Even half a block down, Ryuji’s voice rings loud and clear. “I’m only tryin’ my best so you guys don’t laugh me—oh, no effin’ way. Yoshizawa! Akechi! Sorry, gimme a sec,” he calls back to the others as he half-jogs towards them.

“I knew it,” Akechi mutters.

“Huh?” she asks.

“His leg. He isn’t limping.”

Sumire’s brow creases. She’s about to ask Akechi to clarify when it dawns on her:

Kamoshida had explained to her (in full, descriptive, unhesitating detail) about the delinquent students that roamed the walls of Shujin, there was one in particular he had a special hatred for—Sakamoto Ryuji. Rumors had done little to reveal the truth of his declaration, but a single conversation with Ryuji had cleared away any possibility that he was the type for unnecessary violence.

However, there is one truth that came from every lie that was spread about him; his leg has been damaged to the point where professional running is no longer a possibility.

Ryuji approaches them, smiling and limp-free.

Which means—

“What’s up?” he asks. Just like when Sumire saw him before, Ryuji is donned in the standard school P.E track pants (red and white and cuffed at the bottom). It didn’t mean much to her then. “Whatcha doin’ here, Akechi? You transferring schools, or something?”

In all of ten seconds, Ryuji had proved them wrong without even knowing it.

“I was here to pick up a few books from the library when I bumped into him,” she lies for the both of them. “And you, senpai?”

Ryuji takes a step back, shocked. “Damn! You’re makin’ the rest of us look bad. Nah, the track guys just forced me to hangout with them to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?”

“Yeah, uh,” sneakers scuffing the concrete, Ryuji turns a light shade of pink when he admits, “The school might’ve let slip that there’s some colleges that might be scouting after me after my last meet.”

Even Akechi looked a little impressed. “That’s no small feat.”

“That’s incredible, senpai!” Sumire cries, unable to hold herself back. “That’s—that’s huge! Bigger than huge, it’s being scouted! Do you know how cool that is? Of course you do, you’re the one who got scouted!”

She throws both her hands up to the sky and Ryuji slaps them, the pleasant echo resounds through the alley and leaves them both shaking out their palms.

“Thanks,” Ryuji grins. “But don’t get too excited. It ain’t confirmed or anything,” he tries to keep the elation out of his voice and fails miserably. “I’m just so dang happy cause that means things’ll be easier for my mom down the line, y’know?”

It’s like a slap to the face, a jolt that sends her crash landing back to reality. Because she isn’t here to congratulate Ryuji for his success—she’s here to take that away from him. Not for the first time, she wonders if they should be doing this.

Then she recalls the painful but relieving feeling of getting her own memories back. Yoshizawa Sumire back. She recalls the boy beside her who’d do quite literally anything to get rid of this reality. She recalls a busy street, blood pooling on the concrete.

Sumire focuses. If not for herself, or for Akechi, then she’d focus for Kasumi.

“I’m happy for you,” she says, meaning every word. “How did Kurusu-senpai react?”

“Oh, that guy? I haven’t told him yet, so let’s keep it between us, y’know what I’m sayin’?” Ryuji goes for a wink, though it’s definitely closer to a blink.

Akechi coughs. “Is there a reason you haven’t told him yet? You both are quite…close, after all.”

“He’s been tough to contact the past week,” Ryuji shrugs, and neither of them mention that working with a Palace ruler probably consumes a good chunk of one’s leisure time. “I really wanna surprise him, though! Considering that he supported me more than anyone when it comes to track.”

“That’s kind of him,” says Akechi.

“Well, yeah. Both of us had to deal with Kamoshida toge…ther…” he seemed to listen to what he was saying, and stops abruptly. Any excitement that was on his face is wiped clean. Finally.

“How did you deal with Kamoshida together?” Akechi asks slowly. They had to be careful—this is their last shot.

“It, uh,” he purses his lips. “It was an accident at first, I think. Didn’t mean to.” Eyes sliding shut, he mutters, mostly to himself. “It was raining, I remember that. So why can’t I…?”

The two of them lean forward unconsciously as they gauge Ryuji’s reaction.

“You’ve got this, Sakamoto-senpai,” Sumire prompts gently.

It isn’t too different from watching someone do a math problem and seeing them do one, tiny thing wrong; seeing that tiny mistake being overlooked, even though it’s so obvious to the observer. He is so close, one breath away from—

“Sakamoto!”

Ryuji jerks, eyes flinging open and her heart sinks, irritation blossoming towards this random athlete who unknowingly jeopardized their known reality.

“Uh, yeah!” he calls back, shaking his head as if ridding himself of a bad dream. “Be there in a sec!”

“If that pesky runner is in Mementos, I swear he’ll be dead by tomorrow,” Akechi mummers darkly, because he always takes things too far.

“Sorry, gotta bail,” Ryuji apologizes. He still looks slightly unsettled, a little unnerved. “It was good to see you. We should grab some food sometime!”

“Wait!” Sumire blurts out before he can leave. She scrambles for something to say, finding the thought of their failure unbearable. “If—if you change your mind (or start to remember), we’ll both be in Odaiba tomorrow! At the stadium, to be exact,” she tries for a reassuring smile. “You were there in the summer, remember?”

“If I change my mind…?” he repeats, blinking. “Nah, you guys are wild. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but thanks for the invite. Later!”

He throws double peace signs up before joining his track mates once more, laughing and shoving each other in a way only teenage boys can pull off.

“An outstanding zero to seven loss,” Akechi dictates with a dead voice. “What a team we make. I’m floored.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice!” Sumire exclaims, slapping her hand to her forehead. “I literally saw him running, and I didn’t put the pieces together.”

He shakes his head. “How are you focusing on his wish?” Akechi asks, leaning against the stone pillar near him. “It doesn’t matter what his wish is. The point is, we lost. We wasted this week, and we don’t have a choice other than to confront Kurusu alone.”

“You forgot about the whole point of our plan, Akechi. Just because his friends didn’t realize the truth right away, doesn’t mean they won’t.”

“They probably won’t.”

“We’ll just have to see, then. If Kurusu-senpai has one talent, it’s his natural…thing, with people. You get what I mean, right?”

“No.”

“Liar. And hey!” Sumire gives him a pointed look. “You aren’t doing this alone! We’re working together—like two peas in a pod.”

“Yes, I haven’t forgotten our oath of team spirit. But still, that doesn’t change the fact that with the combined powers of Maruki and Kurusu, we’re as good as dead,” he says, and pauses. “Unless Maruki isn’t there.”

Sumire frowns, “Even if we could, I don’t think we should kidnap a doctor.”

“I meant that he might willingly not be there. He’s quite democratic and trusting—I can see that he might leave this in Kurusu’s hands. Don’t be fooled, though. If Kurusu wanted us gone, we probably would be.”

“I can’t imagine that he would ever do something like that.” The idea of Akira using his powers in that way… she doesn’t even want to indulge in the thought.

“He won’t,” Akechi agrees. “He never shoots to kill when it comes to real people,” he sighs. “A weakness on his part.”

“But you’re still saying that we should fight senpai. Fight Kurusu Akira.”

“I’m saying we should beat some sense into him. Convince him like we tried to convince all of his little gremlins, except we succeed this time around,” his face pinches together, as if he had something sour. “It’s not as if we have a choice.”

She hesitates, despite knowing that Akechi’s right. He scoffs at her. “Worried about scratching up the pretty boy? Trust me—we couldn’t finish him off even if we tried.”

It’s a little worrying to see how sure he is that Akira is apparently very difficult to murder. “Fine,” Sumire relents. “But I’m still going to hope for the best with his friends.”

“Then I’ll prepare for the worst, as per usual.”

A water droplet hits Sumire’s cheek, startling her. She looks up to be greeted by dark clouds.

“It’s raining.”

“I suppose we should rest for today, considering what we’re up against.”

“Hold on,” Sumire says, feeling bold. “The Metaverse—I’m still a little unsure about all that but bear with me—is about the strength of the heart and cognition, right?”

“Yes?” he nods at her in a go on manner.

“So, hypothetically, if we got some…cognition strengthening breakfast food together—”

“No.”

“I think it would be beneficial to us!” she says. It really did seem like a good idea when she first thought it up, but she really should’ve expected the resistance that comes with it; Akechi seems to hate the notion of fun. “The way you looked at my plate from back then is still stuck in by brain on loop—”

“That look is called disgust—”

“It would be really fun! Or um, not fun, but advantageous to the strength of our—our Personas?”

She’s grasping at straws, but optimism is one of her better traits. Still, Akechi’s withering glare is proving to be a tough foe. Sumire’s not going to back down, though. Whether she wanted it to happen or not, she finds herself liking his company more and more despite his thorns (many, many thorns).

Sumire couldn’t help but break out into a grin when Akechi speaks, voice void of any emotion:

“I’m picking this time. IHOP is an abomination.”

—

She didn’t think that hole-in-the-wall breakfast cafes existed, and if she did, she most definitely never would’ve guessed that Akechi would be leading her to one.

Laughing out loud at the situation would grant her a death wish through Loki, but it’s impossible not to. The light pastel shades of the cafe are comically paradoxical to Akechi’s eternal conniving expression and tone, yet the employees seem to light up when he enters and even greet him by name.

He orders without even looking at the menu and she decides to get two of whatever he’s getting; partly because she has no idea what to get, mostly out of curiosity.

They seat themselves in one of the frilly booths and once the food arrives, she has to physically stop herself from drooling.The three tall stacks of pancakes were steaming, thick, fluffy, and perfectly golden brown. The neapolitan ice cream was placed precariously on top, slowly melting and all completely drizzled in chocolate and strawberry syrup. Akechi almost looks like he wants to tell her that it physically isn’t possible to fit both stacks inside of her, but she’s already halfway through her first stack by the time he eats a forkful.

Unable to hold back, Sumire brings up his comment from back when they all went to the Kichijoji cafe with Akira.

“Oh, that?” Akechi reaches over to grab the syrup bottle. “I said I didn’t like sweet bread. Sweets are, in and of itself,” he pours an alarming amount of strawberry syrup on his plate. “Not bad.”

The conversation is light—none of the darker topics that were present during their darts game. Sumire hesitatingly asks him what it’s like to work with the police as a detective. She wasn’t expecting a detailed point-by-point explanation about the cops being the most ‘incompetent people who have ever wielded any amount of power, and yes I’m counting Mona in his normal cat form.’

In turn, Akechi seems genuinely interested in Sumire’s athletic career, wondering if her skills help her fight in the Metaverse.

Eventually, they even start talking about more mundane topics; clubs that they might have been participating in (“Gymnastics, obviously” and “Detective work if that counts, but not so much anymore”), what Akechi’s high school is like (“Boring, but I get excused often enough that it makes it bearable”), if they’re on social media much (“Yes! But my smartphone can barely open up any apps” and “I have a phone number and an email—that should be enough”).

Despite Akechi’s ever-present clipped comments, Sumire has to admit that this was all a nice change of pace. She’s having fun, sitting here, eating pancakes and talking. And if his replies were getting less snippy and more talky, maybe he’s feeling the same way.

Even if it’s only for an afternoon, even if they have to fight their counselor who now apparently controls reality, even if they have to fight Kurusu Akira—

It’s nice to just act like two teenagers with a sweet tooth for a day.

—

It’s just as cold as it was a week ago.

They’ve already been transformed into their Metaverse customers, and it’s blessedly warmer near the elevator than it is on the outskirts. None of that matters though; not with them standing in front of Maruki’s Palace once again.

“It has a certain beauty,” Sumire comments. “The Palace.”

“It’s a safety hazard, is what it is. Realistically, these would all crumble like tissue paper without Maruki holding it all up.”

“Still,” the abnormal swirls and teetering light fixtures possess a charm that she finds lovely in it’s own way. “I can admire it for what it is.”

Akechi nods at the elevator, “Let’s get this over with.”

“Wait.”

He stops. “What?”

“Kurusu-senpai gave sort of a battle plan before we went in,” Sumire reminded him. “Do you have one?”

“Hit him harder than he hits you,” Akechi pulls out his serrated steel, reflecting the light of the entrance hall. “Other than that, don’t die, and don’t fall behind.”

All things considered, it isn’t the worst pep talk she’s ever heard.

They start off to the depths of the Palace. The journey to see Akira is different without him present, but it’s as if the shadows are purposefully less aggressive with them—whether it’s because Maruki wants them to get there safely or what, but it lets them traverse through the lab with a fair amount of ease.

An announcement rings through the grand halls. “VIP patients identified. We will now begin the grand tour—please head to the auditorium through the door on your left.”

Definitely Maruki, then.

“How kind of them to politely inform us of their location,” Akechi remarks, and they head further inward.

They pass by what looks like research centres—powerpoints plastered by pie charts and numbers, shadows giving lectures on cognition (which is a strange sight to see), brain scan posters and lab coats strewn about. Sumire imagines that this might be what a university would look like in amidst of organized chaos.

Turning the corner, a double-door awaits them.

“Alright,” Sumire steels herself, hand finding her rapier’s hilt. “I hope senpai’s ready for us.”

“Trust me,” he reaches out to grab the handle. “He will be.”

A hallway meets them when they pass through. A long, white staircase elegantly leads them down and into what looks like a small version of a football stadium—seats filled up with faceless shadows and unlit theatre lights are hung from the beams above. Maybe it’s because this area has an uncanny resemblance to her competition venues, but she feels a tingle run down her spine: the feeling of anticipation.

They walk to the centre of it with caution, footsteps slow yet it resounding out all the same. She glances forward, squinting slightly against the darkness; a set of stairs that lead atop a stage are laid out in front of them, carpeted and plush. Ready for a performance.

Suddenly, all the lights flash on, white fluorescence blaring down on them mercilessly. Sumire and Akechi cringe against the unrelenting assault on their corneas.

“Welcome back.”

On top of the steps stood Akira, cloaked in his black Phantom Thief garb and drenched in blinding lights.

“I’m glad you two seem to be doing good. Honestly, I was a little nervous at first,” he descends the staircase, unhurried, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Looks like I was worried for nothing.”

“Worried? About us?” Akechi levels him with an incredulous look. “We aren’t the ones who are actively advocating the side of brainwashing.”

“I’m advocating the side of my friends being happy again,” he corrects firmly, turning to make eye contact with Sumire. “I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that they weren’t happy, that they weren’t over the moon with euphoria. If you can tell me that, then I’ll join you in the fight against Maruki.”

Gazing into Akira’s eyes, Sumire opens her mouth, before looking away.

“That’s what I expected,” he shrugs, “It’s nice seeing them happy, right? But I’m not stupid—that won’t stop you two. You’re nearly as stubborn as I am.”

“Senpai,” she pleads. “I don’t want to fight you.”

“Neither do I. But you need to get Maruki to revert reality back to what it was,” Akira adjusts his gloves, and they both tense. “And to get to him, you have to get through me.”

“He’s really not backing down, isn’t he?” she mutters, her heart rate picking up rapidly.

Akechi snarls. “The tide sooner stop washing up before he quits being a fucking idiot.”

“You guys ready?” Akira calls. His tone is light, but there’s an undeniable glint to his eyes, similar to how the edge of a knife reflects light, and spreads his arms out. “Give it all you’ve got.”

Sumire meets Akechi’s eyes, and they nod.

They had a strategy, as loose as it was; there’s strength in numbers, and for once they have the advantage—pin him down, corner him, whatever they can manage, and incapacitate him until he listens to what they have to say. While this plan would certainly be more effective with more people, two should be enough to get the job done.

The air whistles around them as they dart forward, masks burning blue.

“Give him hell, Loki!”

The monochrome trickster bursts from the cinders with its eyes dead set on Akira. He raises a heavy hand and brings down his blade, slamming into the flooring as if it was warm butter, but Akira was already gone—he had hopped away just in time, giving them a cocky little smile.

Akechi snarled and swung again, only for Akira to bend backwards as if he’s in the most crucial game of limbo in recorded history, Laevatein missing him by an inch.

Before he can straighten himself again, Sumire shouts, “Dance, Cendrillon!”

As if the bells of midnight were calling her, a woman of glass and elegance manifests, white cloak blowing back from an unknown wind. A burst of light shoots from her crystal form but Akira had expected it, turning his bend into a backwards roll, not even trying to hide his grin. She’s starting to think that he was lying to her when he said he had no history with gymnastics. Maybe once this is all done, she could introduce him to her coach.

This back and forth continues, black and white and red all clashing together without anyone finding a target at all—that is, if Akira even had a target to begin with.

It’s as maddening as it is impressive to see him dodge and parry every attack; a hop here, a tilt there. It’s almost as if he knows what they were going to do before they even did it. It’s glaringly obvious why, yet it was another simple fact they overlooked—he was their leader, the person who made sure they had two, three, four possible strategies in their back pocket going into every fight. If not to ensure victory, then he does it to make sure that each and every one of them were capable enough to keep themselves safe.

But that just makes it all the more impossible to gain the upper hand.

By the time Akira had traversed nearly half the stadium in his evasion, not a hair out of place and unperturbed, Akechi and Sumire were breathing hard.

“He has,” Sumire gasps between breaths. “No intention of hitting us.”

“Dammit,” he hisses. “He’s turning this into a stamina battle.”

“Did you guys think I’d attack?” Akira frowns. Squinting at Sumire, he rummages through his pockets and tosses something to her. She catches it on instinct and peers down at the bottle of Arginade in her hand.

“It isn’t much, but I don’t want you hurting yourselves over this. I’d, uh, give one to Akechi too, but I think he’d throw it at my head or something.”

“Thank you,” Sumire sets the bottle down gingerly. “But I don’t think I should.”

“Suit yourself.”

“He’s wasting our time,” says Akechi. He points his steel at the corridor behind Akira. “Let’s just move past and find Maruki ourselves.”

She nods and they take a step forward before—

“Come, Black Frost.”

A flash of blue and a split second is all it took for the hallway’s entrance to be completely concealed in thick ice. “If you do that though, we’re gonna have a problem.”

“That wall won’t be enough to stop Cendrillon, senpai.”

“Probably not,” Akira agrees, gloved hand touching an invisible mask. “But a week was a lot of time to mix up some Personas.”

The implication makes Sumire swallow—Akechi wasn’t exaggerating.

“We have to stop him here,” she says quietly. “Even if we got lucky and ran, there’s no way we can reach Dr. Maruki with senpai trying to catch us.

Akechi clicks his tongue. “Unfortunately. We can’t win against him in a battle of stamina, but if we move fast and hit hard enough, we can catch him off guard.” His eyes flicker at Akira watching them speak, posture relaxed. “I’ve never had to reserve energy in a fight much, so this is the best plan with what we have.”

“Got it.”

“Don’t hold back,” Akechi huffs the same time Sumire says, “Don’t kill him.”

And then they sprint forward, rapidly closing in the distance to Akira.

Akechi meets her look before they split off wordlessly, approaching their target from either side.

“Hit him hard, Loki!”

“Aid me, Cendrillon!”

Curse and bless, dark and light come at Akira like a hand of judgement, narrowly escaping by flipping backwards with one hand and throwing out the other. “Let’s go, Yoshitsune.”

And like a scene from a classic Japanese period tale, a swordsman emerges from the embers, dual-wielding Katanas in either hand. WIth an air of divinity, he slices sideways, forcing the two to jerk away.

Perhaps it’s the effect of the Metaverse, its link to cognition, but the use of words became futile beyond the calling of their Personas—she can judge what Akechi had in mind without language just as he can support her in her strikes, where to stand so they don’t get caught in each other’s crossfire.

Sumire pulls out her rapier and swipes at Akira’s torso but it’s too slow; he shifts out of the way and again to dodge Akechi’s bullets like a true Phantom Thief—as elusive and hard to catch as mist.

“You’re pulling your punches, Yoshizawa!” Akechi shouts.

“I’m not trying to kill him!” Cendrillon moves her own weapon impossibly quick, glowing lines appearing midair like a child drawing on paper, and it all bursts in unison—slicing through everything indiscriminately, yet Akira remains untouched.

“Give me some credit,” he calls, coattail swishing stylishly. “I don’t think I’m doing too bad.” Yoshitsune dashes forward, armor glinting and steel sparking as lightning shoots from his katanas, several inches to Sumire’s right. It leaves her hair filled to the brim with static.

Exhausting as their back and forth was, Akira hadn’t once attacked them directly. Even when they roll or sidestep, every movement is accounted for and he adjusts his blows in turn—close enough for them to stagger back from him, but never enough for them to be touched. The message was clear: I’d never hurt you, but there’s no chance in hell I’m letting you win, either.

Still, Sumire wipes her glistening temple as Loki brings down his blade where Akira was and into the ground, the collision forceful enough to make the stage lights above rattle. It’s beginning to be clear that it would be near impossible to maintain Akira’s pin-point accuracy, given his lack of compromise on it. His rolls are getting lethargic, backflips half-assed; whether he knew it or not, he’s beginning to slow down.

And Akechi is starting to get desperate.

Precise swings from before are losing control, wild ones taking place instead.

Akira reaches up once more. “Lend me a hand, Metatron.”

What looks like an archangel crafted during the industrial revolution bursts forth where Yoshitsune once stood, eyes filled with divinity and judgement as he launches a small army of rainbow, psychokinetic spheres around Akechi’s vicinity, but fatigue causes a slight miscalculation—one of the pink orbs barely grazes his brown hair, causing him to flinch back from shock.

It didn’t hurt, it couldn’t have hurt, but it’s the first hit the Akira had landed all day, accidental or otherwise.

A beat passes as they both freeze, and Sumire slows when she sees the expression on Akira’s face, unobstructed by his mask; all the bravado, the cockiness and boldness is gone like it was never there. In its place, a gaunt, horrified look.

“I…” he breathes, unnaturally pale. “Shit, I’m sorry. Here, just…” he starts rummaging through his pockets, hands shaking. “I know I have a bead in here somewhere, just let me—” Akira’s voice cracks. “Dammit, of course I can’t find it when I actually—why can’t I—”

Akechi takes an uneasy step backwards, overexertion threatening to take over. As if it weighs a hundred pounds, he raises an arm, red eyes disturbingly bright and dead-set on Akira.

Sumire feels her breath catch in her throat; she’s in a clear position to see it happen. Akira is still frantically looking through his stuff, an overwhelming guilt seeming to cloud his senses. Akechi, in his state of mind and body, is refusing to see the facts in favor of following his instincts—because even now, he still truly believes that Akira will remain untouched, no matter what.

Because, to Akechi, he is Kurusu Akira.

“Come, Loki!”

“Goro, wait!” Sumire cries.

Time slows down as Loki raises his blade, serrated steel exuding a curse potent enough to bring down any archangel to its knees several times over. And Akira looks up, eyes wide and dilated, but it’s too late to do anything other than take a deep breath and tense himself for the devastating blow—

Footsteps resound behind them, light and fast, and before Sumire can even turn around, a familiar voice yells out:

“I don’t fucking think so.”

Sakamoto Ryuji sprints past her and as Loki brings down his sword, stands directly in front of Akira, arms wide and acting like a barricade between him and the rest of the world.

#goro akechi #sumire yoshizawa #kasumi yoshizawa #ryuji sakamoto #akira kurusu #pegoryu #akiryu #fanfic #writing #mine #p5 #persona 5 #p5r #persona 5 royal #this chapter gave me the will to live during quarantine #11k..... jesus......#blinding lights #fic tag

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thessaliah · 4 years

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I'm not sure if this is relevant but I never really liked ryokira I mean I don't like yaoi in general but I always saw their relationship as one-sided You see, Ryo deep down, likes akira but he can only show that via trying to get akira, who was a suckup at the time, to get him to do what he wants But once akira becomes devilman and Ryo has no one to look down on, that drives him mad up until he finds out he's not actually ryo asuka I could go on but I'm running out of digits so wat u think?

Well if you’re talking about Crybaby, sure I agree a little there’s a strong need for that Ryo to control Akira, but in the Manga, I’m not sure if I agree-

We see a flashback of their relationship in the manga before Ryo went full paranoid, where they climb together and camp, admiring the landscape. They got along because their personalities were alike (still are in some sense, which Satan realized/brought up at the end of Devilman). In that time travel chapter with the native Americans, where Ryo’s not affected by paranoia which warps him (this is exactly what Satan was testing how fear changes people), he’s actually a soft-hearted, sensitive guy who can’t kill animals at all. And he’s always been like that (that’s why Akira was surprised by his change when he comes to him in Devilman opening chapter). He wasn’t too different from Akira. They were comfortable around each other because they had a very equal standing which was nice to see. The fear of demons and paranoia made him snap, do drugs, become unstable and more violent under pressure. That’s what Satan found out: how even a good person can be driven to extremes because of fear. And is fear and paranoia what they weaponize against humanity. The demons didn’t exterminate humanity in Devilman, the humans drove each other to extinction while Satan and Akira sat at the sidelines.

(Would have been nice for uncle Go to give us more flashbacks before the demons rolled in).

Also, Ryo’s concerned about Akira losing his humanity and stressed over what happened to him in the few instances he as monologue in the manga. Where he’s scared and tries to be, with the limited page time as it’s a short manga, his emotional crutch all up until his change. He feels responsible for Akira, and he refuses to stay behind and get him hurt or fight alone. That’s why he crawls out his hospital bed to save him from Syrene even if he’s still injured. He is also stressed to help him; in fact, supporting Akira was his tragic last thoughts before he drove home and realized who he was. Getting those memories back changed Ryo who went from the most ardent champion to save humanity (far more than Akira and I think Akira’s distance with humanity began by losing Ryo) to Satan. This changed priorities too. Satan might love Akira, but Satan has loyalties and promises made to demons. Unlike Amon in the TV show of Devilman, love made them conflicted, but not enough to not be true to their previous loyalties.

Of course in a thematic and symbolic way, Akira has taken Amon’s power so is one of Satan’s demons, and the rebellion against demons for humans (initially) mirrors Satan’s rebellion against God for demons which Satan acknowledges in the end. That aside. Let’s talk about Ryo.

Ryo wasn’t trying to influence Akira or anything, he was concerned by his safety and he was frustrated he couldn’t help him out because he was human. He couldn’t forgive himself because they promised to fight together. But there was no envy or need for Akira to listen to him. Ryo does say something protective like trying to stay indoors after Zenon’s broadcast, but isn’t an attempt to control Akira as a pawn, but because he’s scared Akira is going to die. Akira gets the same reaction when he found out Ryo went hunting demons on his own, he gets angry and forbids him to expose himself into danger. I think Akira came out even more controlling of Ryo in there too.

I have always assumed that Ryo unconsciously wanted Akira to be strong to survive because he loved him. This is what killed Amon, Satan’s love for Akira, it wasn’t Akira’s ‘strong pure heart’ (such thing doesn’t save Akira without Ryo, and Amon kills him and takes him over) it was Satan who inadvertently destroys a mighty demon to empower their crush as reality warps sometimes by their whims without their explicit control. Zenon angrily accuses Satan and reveals their actions in the end, because they fell in love with Akira. I mean, on one hand Zenon’s right, Satan disposed of a powerful asset and ally to make a powerful enemy which wasn’t logical at all. But on the other hand, Zenon lashing out (at least one of Zenon’s male heads/personas) might be out jealousy, he kept trying to kill Devilman despite (or maybe because) Satan doesn’t want him dead. In Devilman Lady, Zenon splits into three personas, and the main one becomes the super protective bodyguard of Lan, who is one of Satan’s new human split personas as Ryo was in the past, and puts unwanted moves on Jun, the other half of Satan.

I highlighted the bold part because it’s what Akira and Satan (Ryo is just one of their incarnations) were about. That’s why Devilman Lady wraps up their story (Akira and Satan). It’s where it began and how it could have been: finally fighting side by side as allies as they shook hands on chapter 1. That’s the book ends. Where they sorted their things out and united forces after they failed to do (because the message in Devilman, written during the Cold War, needed to make them fail to be more memorable and it worked). Their relationship is very important - in all aspects, romantic, platonic friendship, their former enmity, and also family - it’s what drive both characters to change: Satan accepts humanity in such way that further experiences the pains of humans including the evolution phase to demonic and does so sincerely because has learned of past mistakes and wouldn’t let God win this time. This is all thanks to meeting Akira and those experiences as Ryo that led to the existence of Jun and Lan. Akira has learned to be at peace with not being human anymore, he’s matured and realized how he was being self-centered and lacked the big picture; that he too was an architect of his own misery. What drove this change is his relationship with Satan whom he wants to meet again to understand. And they ride to battle as equals. On that splash page, they stand as generals each on a steed, versus Michael who is lone general on the angels’ side. Even if Satan is stronger and could pull the cred of being the leader of demons, Satan doesn’t want Akira as an underling. Doesn’t ask that. But to fight by their side for the freedom to live when angels want to take their world away.

PS. I also not sure if consider Akira and Satan BL, Satan is intersexed (so is Akira when he wants - demons can pick their private parts, it’s very fluid as some of those special one-shots Nagai and his friends show us in detail). I know the fandom is mostly interested in Ryo angle but Ryo is just one of the human avatars/identities of Satan who isn’t male or human.

#devilman #devilman lady #it's not the end of devilman #because amon and michael #and other characters still have ongoing arcs #but it is for akira and satan #spoiler #meta #why do i get devilman asks #it's been ages #so #what?#wow this got long #i miss devilman meta

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hamliet · 6 years

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In This Fading World: How Shipping Solves Everything (in TG)

aka hamliet’s ramblings about what the point of all the romance is in the manga

*before my inbox explodes, the title is facetious, please don’t send me hate*

I like ships. A lot. Usually I view them as fun for a series but only a few, if any, are like, central to the plot/themes. But in TG the romance is actually extremely relevant to the series’ themes, and despite the common assumption that TG isn’t a romance manga, it... kind of is in a lot of respects, because TG is about life, and what makes life worth it is connection, and all kinds of connections--family, friendship, and romance. (I might do other metas on the family and friendships in TG and how they convey certain themes too, just as powerfully as the romances, but this meta is specifically about romantic dynamics.)

TG honestly has a lot of romance (like the whole story started with a date) and is basically Ishida’s “shoujo with corpses.” Each canon/likely to be canon ship is at its core driven by loneliness answered with empathy, and each ship allegorizes the story’s main themes and the importance of solving the ghoul/human conflict the same way: through an alliance based in empathy and self-reflection.

NB: there are some dynamics I consider subtextually romantic in TG that I won’t get into here, like Hsaiko (though Saiko’s feelings are not clarified) but since Hsiao and Saiko don’t have proper arcs it’s a little harder to extrapolate on whether or not they’re conveying a theme at this point.

I’m also not saying anyone has to ship these ships, or not ship certain obsessive ones I discuss (I ship several of those ones!), just simply explaining what I think Ishida is doing with them/why he included this dynamic in the story.

Kuzen/Ukina, Kasuka/Kureo, Hikari/Arata: Tragedy and Repetition

I debated whether or not to include these but ultimately decided to because I think they best represent the world everyone needs to move away from.

Kasuka and Kureo and Hikari and Arata were both truly in love, yet Kasuka was killed in the conflict by Eto and Hikari by Arima--both of whom are children forced into this conflict from birth but who decided to create a new world. The people who want to create a new world literally kill Hikari and Kasuka, both of whom can’t escape the role they were cast into in the world. Kasuka has more choice as a human, but chooses to fight and dies for it, and Hikari was a “wild” ghoul in her youth and it eventually sent Arima after her even after she changed, because the old, tragic world is unforgiving. Both Kureo and Arata then lost themselves to grief and fought to protect what they had and were taken from their kids as a result.

And Ukina and Kuzen show us that a relationship between ghoul and human was not possible so long as people keep to the rules of the old world, yet also suggests what might be possible if they break them.

We don’t know Ukina’s motivations--Eto seems to think she was simply motivated by her story, though Kuzen’s claims about what Ukina said to him cast doubt on this.Ukina empathized, and that drew him to her. But in the end he couldn’t break free of the cycle, and killed her, though she empathized again... maybe.

But forgot her daughter, and Yoshimura too then abandoned Eto. You can’t nurture a new world if you abandon it no matter your motivations. All three of these love stories, however simple they are in the manga, are tragedies that the rest of our cast is trying to avoid.

Touken: Humanity and Ghoulhood

Ah, the main ship, and a parallel of all ships in TG because everyone is a parallel to Kaneki (I'm not kidding. Everyone is). We begin with Touka and Kaneki refusing to empathize with each other. Kaneki calls her a monster. Kaneki is the living embodiment at this point of how humanity views ghouls: he draws them as monsters, but then Kaneki becomes one (because the monsters in TG are not ghouls nor humans; they are everyone and no one at the same time).

She tells him to go to hell when he has the nerve to ask her for help without any semblance of empathy. Because how can humanity dare ask ghouls for anything after what they’ve put them through?

Kaneki fears violence, but Touka uses violence to cope with her trauma, symbolic of how ghouls are forced to used violence to survive.. Kaneki is terrified of being abandoned, but Kaneki abandons people when he grows to fear them leaving him. That’s what drives humanity in fearing ghouls: losing the people they love (and their own lives, of course). Touka and Kaneki then both inflict these traumas on each other.

And yet throughout part one, they rescue each other. Why? Because both of them can't stand to see the world the way it is, and in each Touka refuses to accept that she couldn't do anything about Ryouko's death and turns into a murderer, in the process revealing to Kaneki just how little she values her life.

But Kaneki tells her even if she doesn't value her life, he does. And he helps her, even though he thinks it's wrong, because he empathizes. And when Kaneki can't let Nishiki and Kimi die, Touka shows up to help. But they can't be together in this terrible world. Like Ukina and Kuzen, they're separated by the selfishness of humans and ghouls and the entire conflict, a conflict that makes strength the only way to survive. They both just want to be with the people they love, because they’re scared of being alone. And Touka sees Kaneki's pain. She calls him on it, because she feels the same way, but she does it in the wrong way, and regrets it. Which is why it's so important when they reunite and she calls him on it again, but doesn't push him or force him.

It's also important that it was on Kaneki to come back and not on Touka to go to him. As a human (sort of) he's on the privileged side, and it's more on humans to make amends at this point because they're oppressing ghouls instead of seeking to talk to them. Kaneki can't ignore ghouls for humans (Haise) or humans for ghouls (OEKneki).

And when Kaneki and Touka get together, it's not perfect. Their relationship has codependent elements and they have communication issues because they are still both afraid of losing each other, of being alone. The human/ghoul alliance also has major communication issues and humans like Kaneki are still struggling to realize they aren’t better.

Touka doesn't want to lose Kaneki: hence, why she tells him she’s pregnant and doesn’t go to save Yoriko. Kaneki knows who she is; Yoriko doesn’t, because Touka’s afraid of being known just the same as Kaneki is.

And Kaneki doesn't want to lose Touka.

But Touka needs to learn to hold on a bit more now, because unlike before when Kaneki was Haise, this time he's married her. They've committed. And she does, digging him out. A ghoul saves Tokyo.

However, now that they’re reunited, they've got to communicate better, and trust each other more. They're having a baby. A life, as Yomo says, that gives him hope for the world. That's why we saw the fetus panel in 160.

If Kaneki died, there would be no future. If humanity dies, there is no future for ghouls, and same for ghouls with humans.

The baby represents new life (since the main theme is live, life=hope) directly from an alliance between ghoul and human (a marriage). But the baby who is both human and ghoul represents the fact that they have to overcome it, that they have a chance to break out of the cycle their parents perpetuated and that the word perpetuated. As the alliance overcomes their issues, so will Touken, I believe.

Akiramon and Seiaki: Justice and Sacrifice

To start with, it's impossible to discuss Akira and Amon’s relationship without Takizawa since he's an integral part of their relationship, and it’s impossible to discuss Seiaki without Amon, so I’m discussing them together. Through Akira and Amon, we see the CCG's two main sources of existence: traumatized orphans seeking to escape their legacies (Amon) and people seeking to honor their legacies (Akira). And then we have someone like Takizawa, who like Ui is neither and therefore an outlier of sorts, and hence is the one best able to have an honest perspective on the situation: it’s why he’s the most self-aware of the trio, though he has his own flaws.

Akira and Amon are both searching for justice, and specifically for answers. Takizawa from the beginning is a very stereotypical businessman, less about the noble aspects of the CCG. That’s why he’s the one who breaks down when facing the Owl Suppression Operation. He sees it for what it is and he doesn’t want to die.

Akira, in contrast, and Amon both believe the answer is to wipe out ghouls and therefore right the twisted world. Their idea of justice is black and white; there's right and wrong, and they want desperately to be on the right side of it. So they don't consider their place or role in the world. They are like Kaneki before the Steel Beam Incident, content to consider themselves separate from ghouls, yet unlike Kaneki they both choose to be a part of the conflict.

We also see the idea of sacrifice as it ties into justice in their relationship, and with their relationship with Seidou. Seidou is willing to sacrifice himself to save Amon--for Akira. Except both he and Amon wind up captured and tortured, and Akira believes them dead, and winds up alone. And then Akira sacrifices herself for Seidou, and Amon sacrifices himself for both of them, and Seidou sacrifices himself for both of them.

It's. A sacrificial cycle lol. But Amon himself said what he thought of redemptive death, because really they are all seeking redemption--Akira for not stopping Seidou, Seidou for what he did as a ghoul, Amon for Donato: it's trash.

Sacrifice is not justice. Justice is not served by looking outwards; it's served by looking at yourself.

Their refusal to consider themselves as part of the problem is brought to the forefront when Touka talks to Akira and makes her hug it out with Hinami. The thing is, I don't like this scene in many ways because I think it was disrespectful to Hinami, but like all things in TG it's gray, so there is good in it too, and basically it's that Touka was asking Akira to see herself in Hinami. The need to examine yourself is also tied to empathy, because it asks you to step into someone else's shoes and see yourself there. An orphan who just wanted her parents, like Touka, like Amon. What is justice, then, if it just leaves hurting children, no matter what they are? As Akira says, whom should I be hating, then?

Akira and Amon both struggle with this, and they see that in each other and know that the other one understands this struggle. They empathize with each other, standing by each other’s side.

It's convenient that Akira and Amon then get to disappear from the narrative while Touka and Kaneki get hunted by the CCG, because they've always represented the human privilege in parallel to the ghoul symbol of Touken. But everyone who's been ignoring the ghoul problem--like, everyone in Tokyo--is then called on it by Dragon, and they have to go back to the CCG and face what they tried to ignore. The fact that they forgot what justice was.

And again, it's gray, because it can also be seen as them returning to cling to their past safety, but Donato sees that that is shattered. And Amon faces him, and needs to realize that it's not the answer he's been seeking--no matter what his past is, he is the one who needs to examine himself to create justice. He needs to be honest with himself. And Akira needs to be honest with herself, and that includes taking this advice from Touka here:

And give those quinques back to Hinami, to allow her to mourn for her father as Akira mourns for hers.

Ayahina: Child Soldiers and Traumatized Orphans

Ah, our sweet lost children. One of TG's main themes has always been how children suffer the most in any conflict. We see that through how almost every child in the series pays for their parents' mistakes (Kaneki's mom taking out her anguish on him, Eto's abandonment, etc.), the Sunlit Garden, the Oggai. And then we have two sets of parents who love their kids: the Fueguchis and the Kirishimas, but neither are allowed to raise their children because the CCG hunts them down and murders/captures them. Both Ryouko and Hikari sacrifice themselves for their children.

Both Ayato and Hinami are traumatized orphans and child soldiers, but Hinami is initially presented as the former more so than the latter, and vice versa for Ayato. Hinami and Ayato both foil Touka in how they cope with trauma--Hinami grieves, but she isn’t allowed to grieve properly; Ayato is angry right from the beginning because no one allows him to grieve. Eventually both take a similar path in joining Aogiri both with the intentions of protecting the people they love. And it’s no coincidence the entire conflict is run on a diet of child soldiers in the Sunlit Garden. The conflict depends on hurting orphans like the Yasuhisas and Amon to populate the CCG and the soldiers created in the Sunlit Garden. And by creating orphans on the other (ghoul) side, they fuel the conflict on the other side as well, driving Hinami to join Aogiri as well as Ayato.

But the conflict doesn’t have to continue, as Ayato and Hinami’s relationship shows us. They both did terrible things as members of Aogiri, as it’s a terrorist organization after all, but they found a way out, and it wasn’t through learning to protect everyone and it wasn’t through fighting on their strength. It was through empathizing with each other.

Instead of fearing him as her superior, Hinami sees him for more than just a soldier. She sees him as someone with a sister (whom he’s desperately trying to protect in his own edgelord way). And so Ayato, who’s largely isolated himself from people who care about him, grows to empathize with her as well. They express the emotions the other cannot.

How can the world answer the wrong it’s done both of them? It can’t, not really. But they can find a way to live with each other.

The answer isn’t in Hinami hugging the daughter of her parents’ murderer; it’s in allowing her to mourn, and in empathizing with her loneliness. Which Ayato understands. He can’t fix her problems, he can’t fix what’s going on with Akira, but he can be there for her because he understands her pain. Even if the world never figures it out, they will have each other, and they can have hope in that.

However, that’s not enough, because the world keeps interfering in Hinami and Ayato’s relationship. Hinami almost dies sacrificing herself for other children against other children.

Because the cycle is going to repeat and repeat and repeat until someone says No. That’s why while Kaneki’s return was Bad for his personal development, it was good thematically, because someone was saying no to this child dying. That’s why Ayato is not going to get to sacrifice himself fighting kagune gremlins, either.

They find hope and comfort through their empathy for each other, but the world needs to be fixed in order for Hinami and Ayato to find peace.

Mutsurie: Duty and Compassion

Now let me talk about my favorite ship, Mutsurie. It parallels Touken ('I don't care if you die' instead of 'I don't want you to die' lol) and Ayahina ('let's go home' and plans to save bae from death in Cochlea/Rushima) explicitly in terms of structure, but also brings elements of Akiramon and Ayahina's themes. Mutsuki is a traumatized, exploited child turned into a child soldier like Amon, Ayato, and Hinami. Urie has a CCG legacy like Akira and prioritizes his job above anyone around him, shutting himself off and becoming cold. The first notion we have of what Urie thinks of Mutsuki is this:

A hypocrite. Worthless. Because that's what the CCG thinks of Mutsuki as well, as we see when Matsuri then orders Mutsuki to go on a death mission and Tokage warns Sasaki about him. Mutsuki is worthless, because he has mental health problems and because he is physically weak. The irony is Urie is projecting onto Mutsuki his worst fear about himself: that he is worthless, not enough for his father to come home to.

That he is a hypocrite, because deep down he knows none of this CCG promotion strength stuff will make him happy. But Urie refuses to acknowledge this and projects it onto Mutsuki and Shirazu.

But the ship all starts in chapter 29. That's where Urie fails. He's following exactly what Matsuri wanted him to do, and he gets in huge trouble because he simply isn't strong enough. He loses control, and he lashes out at Mutsuki, at the CCG's weak reality. But instead of lashing out back at him, even though Urie endangered him for selfish gain, even though Urie hurt him by punching through Mutsuki's stomach, Mutsuki reaches for him. Mutsuki tells him he is not alone. Mutsuki empathizes, the thing Urie refused to do with Mutsuki earlier though he knew inside that they were the same.

And that's the answer for the entire series, isn't it? Empathy. It's not perfect--Mutsuki is behaving like an abuse victim in many respects because he wants the pain to stop, but the thing is, Urie does stop. Urie does change in how he treats Mutsuki from there on out, going to protect him from Hakatori, worrying about him on Rushima, etc.

Mutsuki does not want revenge on Urie for punching him because he understands him--in Urie's pain, he sees his own, and that's the answer for humans and ghouls and their personal relationships between each other as well. For example, if we get a Mutsuki-Touka talk, it'd probably be similar in that Mutsuki and Touka both fear abandonment, and can understand that in each other.

Later on, Mutsuki and Urie reverse their arcs just like how Kaneki clung to strength at the end of the first TG like Touka did at the beginning.. Mutsuki clings to the CCG, but his trauma is only growing worse the stronger he gets in the CCG. To the point where the difference between himself and a ghoul is no longer evident, even in what he eats.

And the more Urie's trauma with his father repeats, the more unable to succeed he becomes: at work, and in everything. Symbolically, Mutsuki and Urie embody the alliance as well. The alliance is bound to an extent by ignoring wrongs, and there is good and bad in there. Urie blinds himself to Mutsuki's faults (like Mutsuki didn't acknowledge what Urie had done to him) and that leads to their issues boiling up and boiling over because issues have to be addressed, not swept under the rug. But what made the difference for Urie initially was that he took the lesson, and changed. Mutsuki is now showing that he, too, has changed. And that's what the CCG needs to do: change. Accept that they hurt ghouls, and ghouls need to do likewise, and change. But no change comes unless there is empathy.

Mutsurie having a proper resolution would include a conversation, and also leaving the CCG I believe since the CCG is limiting Urie's growth. They both need to leave in order to heal like the traumatized children they are.

Nishikimi: Desperation and a Holdfast

Nishiki and Kimi were introduced together and have always really shared an arc. Their entire relationship is blatantly about loneliness and empathy.

It's interesting to me how they go to such opposite, and both wrong, extremes post Anteiku Raid. Nishiki dumps Kimi, ostensibly to protect her, but when he hears she's working with Kanou he decides to search for her. Dude, you shouldn't have waited. If you wanted to be with her, regardless of the dangers, that was her decision to make, not yours for her. And Kimi goes too far in the other direction, committing atrocities for the sake of creating a world where she can live with Nishiki. They are both desperate people, as we see from their introduction:

The only thing they've had to cling to is the other, and that the other understands their loneliness. Kimi’s attempts to fix the world have brought more loneliness and pain into it, and exploited the loneliness of the Oggai orphans like Hajime. Nishiki’s attempts to avoid the conflict brought more loneliness to Kimi, driving her to do what she did.

Maybe working together, they can make a better world.

Yoriomi: Ignorance and Memories

I’ve jokingly called this a plot device more than a ship before but @aspoonofsugar wrote a great analysis of how Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship contrasts Mutsurie, Touken, Akiramon, and Ayahina here. It is symbolic of how humans have a relatively easy time fitting in in society, in contrast to Kaneki and Touka, and also Urie and Mutsuki, even in terms of gender roles.

But like the entirety of Tokyo ignored the ghoul problem until Dragon erupted from below them, Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship is not perfect and is founded in memories (childhood classmates) and what’s expected of them. They can’t escape the conflict, though, because Takeomi is a voluntary part of the CCG and even though Urie hates them for the fact that Takeomi’s father is still alive and he seemingly has it all as the perfect human, consequences start to hit Yoriko and Takeomi. Yoriko’s friendship gets her arrested and sentenced to die, and Takeomi loses his father.

Neither of them are major characters, and that’s why I find Mutsuki’s jealousy of Touka (that he projects onto Yoriko) and Urie’s jealousy of Takeomi a more interesting way of looking at their relationship. Yoriko even realizes how little she empathized with her friend, not realizing she was a ghoul, and empathizes now when she can’t even see Touka:

Takeomi still does not get it. He doesn’t understand Urie hated him for years, and to an extent, that belief in his friends parallels him to Yoriko, but it’s ignorance. He doesn’t get he helped create the culture that sentenced Yoriko to death. But he does do the right thing and springs her from prison, but returns to the CCG to fight. In the end, I would like Takeomi to empathize with Urie since they’ve both lost their fathers now and he can now understand the loneliness eating Urie, and I’d like him to empathize even with Urie’s love for Mutsuki because he’s going to have to face Yoriko’s platonic love for Touka soon. Now Takeomi will have to face someone who’s personally hurt him/tried to take away people he loved, and I hope he gives Urie encouragement even if he doesn’t ever forgive Mutsuki.

Utaren: Hope and Despair

Uta and Yomo's relationship is subtextual but it's definitely there so I'm including it 'cause I can. Their relationship was first categorized by anger and by a desire to be strong with each other. Firstly they used their strengths to fight each other, then united them in the hopes of taking down Arima for Renji's sake, and then Yomo left when his strength got him almost killed by Arima. The fact that they were equal in strength is not to be dismissed; it’s symbolic of how they see themselves in each other, of how they can relate.

But they also suffer from terrible communication issues, and Yomo isn’t able to understand Uta beyond the physical strength aspect. Uta didn't understand Yomo’s hope, how the world could be different, partially because Yomo completely failed to communicate to both Uta and Itori what it was about Anteiku, about ghouls and humans--and I think the reason for Yomo’s failed communication is because he was still clinging to the idea of living while losing. If Yomo can only find hope through watching others' happiness (Touken) then Uta can only find it when watching others' despair.

But don't they both deserve some happiness themselves? Yomo doesn't understand Uta, but he wants to live with him anyways. He wants to connect, because that makes them feel alive. I have hope they will learn to empathize with each other. Even if you can’t understand, living with each other, perhaps you can connect, perhaps that initial spark of empathy through even just physical strength can grow.

After all, they’ve saved each other.

Yomo was wrong, as he says now. There are things worth holding into, and he's starting to learn that. And Uta was wrong. He can't not live with Yomo and not live without him. He has to live with him. He couldn't, after all, let Yomo die, no matter how fun it might have been, and yet Yomo counters his exact worldview that life is despair. Like Nishikimi, they offer each other something to hold onto, and slowly, I would hope, that would mean branching out to get to connect with others as well.

Uihai: Lies and Comfort

Ui loves Hairu, but she's a mirage--or is she? Her personality is entirely hers, as far as we know. But she represents the Sunlit Garden, being the first character to introduce it to us. And Ui, being Ui (an Amon and Urie foil) is so focused on The Mission and justice it disrupts him showing his feelings to her, and his actions and assignments lead to her death.

Good job Ui. -__- And Hairu is the opposite. Her desperate desire for love and praise is what drives her to get herself killed:

Of course Hairu didn’t know Ui cared about her, and she was appreciated. Why would she? Ui never told her. And the thing about Ui is that after her death, he’s been unable to break out of his own pride, which keeps him trapped in loneliness. We see it here, when he cries:

Hairu is less of a lie than Ui is. Having people around convinced him that everything was fine, that he didn’t need to examine himself, but when they’re stripped away, he loses himself.

He sees no need for justice when he might just be able to get Hairu back, because he misses her, he misses closeness, because that’s what Ui craves. He doesn’t want to be known because like Kaneki, Amon, and more he uses the idea of being Just to justify the fact that he exists and deserves to be known, and yet paradoxically all he wants is for someone to be with him, for comfort.

Ui’s slowly starting to learn that justice may not quite be what he thought, but I’m not sure he entirely gets it.

Is she still Hairu to Ui, if she's only half-human, if he’s faced with the fact that justice was all a lie and he was never just? That's the question the manga still has to answer. He can’t truly empathize with her until he knows who she truly is, until he knows what the CCG is. That’s why it would make so much symbolic sense for Hairu to be ET, for Ui to realize that he was not fighting against the “other” of ghouls the entire time: he was fighting against people worthy of love. He was fighting against himself. And Hairu who was always fighting against her own kind, what with her virulent hatred of ghouls:

...despite being a ghoul herself--well, it’d be fitting for her to be turned into the very Beast she comforted Ui after his fight with in the first manga.

And that’s why I would like to see a moment for Uihai in that, wherein Hairu sees she is loved, and Ui sees that he is accepted even by a half-human he fought against.

Nakimiza: Nostalgia and Freedom

Nakimiza is a ship I’m still bitter about how it ended so bear with me. The themes of nostalgia and freedom from that nostalgia are Everywhere in the manga. Like, everywhere. Nostalgia is understood, but dangerous, and clinging to it prevents the conflict from ever being solved.

Naki is a very caring individual, but he doesn’t seem to get how much Miza cares about him, because he’s focused on Yamori, even when he’s saving her.

They’re both leaders of various ghoul gangs, and they care about each other and understand each other (at least, Miza understands him), and Miza expressly has feelings for him. But Naki never gets to overcome his nostalgia. It kills him instead. It kills him, ironically, as he’s idolizing Yamori, despite the fact that he’s fighting to save the Aogiri kids:

When Yamori killed an Aogiri child. But Miza after his death shows that she wants to move on from nostalgia, that she still can continue:

That’s why I think Miza will find happiness, but I’m still heartbroken.

Shuuneki, Tsukikana, Hairima, and Mutsuneki: Obsession and Mirages

And now, let’s discuss the ships that also are one-sided canon, but that I think unlike the other ships listed above, do not balance each other out and were obsessions because they focus more on an idea of who the person is, on what the person represents to them, rather than whom the person actually is (there’s definitely idolizing going on in every single ship I discussed above too, but I think these ships are more… it was not going to work out, let’s just say that).

What do all these ships have in common? They’re one-sided and extremely unhealthy, and you could add Hinakane to it too because though I don’t think that one has a romantic element to it there’s still something not healthy there.

For Karren, Hairu, and Mutsuki, the reason they loved their respective crushes was because, well, they showed them the kindness as a child no one else did. (Kaneki called the Qs his kids; it counts.)

Rather than true empathy, there’s idolization and an encouragement of bad behaviors thanks to a lack of equal connection and communication, amplified by a power dynamic that sets these ships apart from the other ships even if the previously discussed ships have at times encouraged each other’s flaws too. Hairu aspires to be like Arima, her mentor and very likely her relative--by killing and is killed for it. Shuu is a master to Karren, and she dies serving him--though beautifully, he empathizes with her in the end and shows he values her life.

Kaneki is a king and a boss to Shuu, and he’s forgotten his family following him--though I do believe Shuu’s love of Kaneki is moving in a more healthy direction having planned Touken’s wedding for them, as he’s no longer desperate to keep Kaneki all to himself--but while it was romantic it was completely unhealthy.

Kaneki is a father to Mutsuki, and Mutsuki became like him in abandoning the Qs pursuing him.

(Notably other ships like Uihai and Ayahina wherein Ui and Ayato were respectively above Hairu and Hinami in work, the power difference is not present, which we see in how Ui allows Hairu to call him Koori and Ayato and Hinami are equals in every sense.)

So what’s Ishida saying with this? The human-ghoul conflict is not ever going to be solved by people staying in their lane, nor is it going to be solved by people idolizing the other (and we see a lot of humans wishing they had the strength of ghouls and ghouls wishing they had that privileges of humans) or sweeping issues under the bridge. You can’t write the wrongs of the past if, like Kaneki, you fail to communicate to your children, or if you are too afraid to directly counter the system like Arima, or if like Shuu you pretend it never happened. The reason these obsessions all lead to death and destruction is because of this lack of communication. Connecting is vital to creating a new world.

Fururize: Obsession and Control

Ah, the Disaster Ship that started this whole manga. But it parallels all these other ships, too. It’s obsessive, so it parallels the unhealthy one-sided ones I mentioned, but it also foils the canon/likely-to-be-canon ones even though Fururize won’t ever be canon except one-sided. The reasons why Furuta and Rize have thus far not had a chance at happiness is because neither of them is capable of empathizing.

And how could they? As Rize says, as Furuta says, they were created to be used, and unlike Hairu, never had a chance. It’s really not surprising Rize uses Furuta to escape. She’d only seen people be created to be used as breeders or as soldiers.

Furuta then uses everyone around him. He tells Kaneki he was just a pawn in his game. Even Rize doesn’t show much care for Shachi despite the fact that he loves her and is a Good Dad, and it’s Shachi’s love for Rize that gives me a smidgeon of hope for her, because Shachi is honestly the best dad in the series and that should be rewarded, I would hope.

Rize uses pleasure to distract herself from ever feeling lonely, and whether she does or not, we don’t know. But we know Furuta feels lonely. He’s consumed by it, by how alone he’s been since his birth.

Eto points out he doesn’t get to call his father, father. He’s furious that Rize can be with other people instead of wanting to be with him. He’s destroying himself with his own loneliness (like Kaneki), and the world around him (unlike Kaneki), because he’s so lonely, and can’t empathize.

That’s why, before the ending, I really, really, really want to see Kaneki show Furuta some compassion, and think it would be fitting for both their arcs.

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marshmallow-fireside-keith · 6 years

Text

Pregnant Keith Fic Catalogue

(Mobile Edition)

About this list:

This list is meant to be an exhaustive, one-stop-shop for those looking for pregnant Keith (in the Sheith pairing, for now. I am open to other pairings if people would like this) fics. This is NOT a recc list. This is a catalogue. The works on this list are not sorted by taste, nor user, nor bias. Like a library catalogue, every fic (that I have been made aware of/ found) that contains the premise ‘pregnant Keith’ in some fashion is included. This list took hours sorting through multiple tags, so that you, the reader do not have to. If a fic is missing, please let me know, as this is meant to be an updated post. The ONLY reason it would be missing would be me not finding it, messing up, or not knowing about it. Any and all fics are welcome here, as long as they meet the basic content requirement of pregnant Keith.

If you see your fic on here and want it taken down, or edited, please also let me know!

Thank you all! Let me know if you’d like an Omega Keith version of this. That will take considerably longer, but if y’all want it, I’m happy to put it together.

Current as of: July 9, 2018

Omega-Zero by PackThePack @packthepack

It’s not easy, feeling like a stranger on your own body. It is confusing and throat-tying. It makes you want to crawl out of your skin, while wanting to crawl inside as much as possible. Small enough so you would almost disappear. It is hazy and cold, and it is shallow. The feeling of being left alone with yourself without a way to escape was no tender company. But right now it was the only company Keith had.

The Moon Hangs Low by newtype @?

While traveling with the Blade of Marmora recovering Zarkon's former territory, Keith reaches the cusp of Galran maturity as soon-to-be fertile omega. Concerned for his well-being, Ulaz sends Shiro with Keith to an isolated sanctuary bathhouse to observe his heats. Accepting the offer, the two finally find themselves with the privacy they've been long waiting for.

Skip the Pleasentries by FullmetalReborn @omggiogiothings

Staring at the cow on the other end of the pregnancy test, giving him a creepy smile with white luscious hair, (Pidge had some damn weird tastes but the saint actually went to purchase them for him so he couldn't complain) makes him want to strangle past him. Pidge sat down by his starfished body and looked at the stick (‘I peed on it. Please don't put it so close to your face.’) “Looks like you have a little gremlin.”

Within These Final Hours by orphan_account

Okay so, I've been writing this for the past three weeks and now that it's done I can finally start posting and writing my OTHER Voltron fic. As someone who has watched the old Voltron series, I was both excited and slightly unnerved when I heard the show was being remade. Remakes tend to be pretty awful... But thankfully, this one is pretty damn awesome. The second season is making me nervous though...Swear if anything happens to Shiro, I'm gonna lose it.

Anyway, I'll post chapters twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Pretty standard Omega!Verse fic, as well as some Galra!Kieth stuff... But yeah, I can't promise any specific time, probably going to be around noon usually - Chicago time zone -, but I just finished proofreading chapter one - with some slight revision - and I decided to post it now. But here, take this sin, there will be smut in later chapters. This entire fic will be completely posted by the 20th.

I should have the next one finished and I can start posting a new fic. I hope you guys enjoy, constructive criticism is welcomed but please be kind with your words. I tend to react badly to cruel words.

I am also in dire need of a beta! If anyone is interested, please contact me at [email protected]

Thanks everyone, I'm excited to finally start sharing my works. Remember, I am but a smol 16 year old, so my writing style is sill in development. I am by no means a professional and I do not intend on chasing a profession in this field. This is for fun and I would like to keep it that way.

Bearing by Jibbly @jibblyuniverse

Maybe the pressure of being leader of Voltron is getting to him.

All of these thoughts are in the back of his mind, when Kolivan calls for help.

His resources are thinning out, and he asks for a lion. Keith offers himself instead. Much to the surprise of the team. Shiro standing in the center of the control deck with a look of disappointment in his eyes.

Kolivan hesitates, before agreeing to letting Keith come to train at the Blade of Mamora.

Day Eleven: Peridot by bandgeek1stbassclarinet

Peridots are traditionally given to celebrate 16 years of marriage.

He can't bake, but he'd be a hell of a dad. by Golden_Asp @?

Keith and Shiro have been trying for a baby since returning to Earth. Maybe this heat will be the one that it finally happens.

ABO AU, post saving the universe.

Lonely Star by keithyourpal @keithyourpal

Takashi's death brings Ryou and Keith together, and in the following year they help each other make peace and rebuild their lives--until Keith goes missing.

Two Plus Twins by NoNotThat

Prequel to Twins Plus One!

Shiro and Keith are going to be parents and Shiro has to deal with mood swings first hand.

Akira by Tay (erentitanjaeger) @?

Shiro returns home to his mate and one-day old child.

Cursed by Al_D_Baran @?

Keith investigates to find the Beast that terrorises his husband's lordship.

Miracles and Blessings by Gootbuttheichou@?

My Sheithlentines gift for Pinfuyu/XuanPinku!

If the Silence Takes You by keithyourpal@keithyourpal

Sven recovers after helping Team Voltron secure the trans-reality comet. Desperate to get back into the line of duty, his recklessness leads to his capture by the Alteans.

You Fight with a Galra Soldier by laterie @babe-in-red

Keith is not able to fight, but Shiro certainly is.

The Reasons I Scream at Night by ThirteenSocks @safeautistickeith

Shiro is a veteran returning from a year in captivity and trying to piece his life back together. Keith is an immigrant from the stars. They meet at the café Keith works at. But no sooner have they fallen in love does Shiro accidentally get Keith pregnant.

Between Shiro dealing with his PTSD and Keith with his adjusting to the new culture, the two find they must lean on each other to navigate having a baby on the way.

But life is never so simple, as their pasts come back to haunt them, and the war everyone thought was over was only just beginning.

Arc: Sine: Chapter 1-29 Complete

Arc: Cosine: Chapter 31-?

Reasons .5 by ThirteenSocks @safeautistickeith

Shiro curved his left palm around the jut of a hip. His thumb nearly reaches halfway across the small back, the rest of his fingers getting brushed a heavy cock that bounces with his thrusts. He took another risk that ”mentally present” him would soon enough chastise himself for. He threaded metals fingers through the base of Keith’s thick, silky braid, and jerked back. Keith cried out again. Using the new leverage, Shiro drew him back like a bow; hauling his hips upwards as far as they would go, and creating the dip in his back by the grip on his hair.

Strip Me of Shame by laterie @babe-in-red

"Don't do this to me."

Keith’s anger launched a disaster. His need to find the answers is rising to the point, where Shiro is losing his control over the Red Paladin and their lives. A whole new universe is opening for Keith. Will he find his real home?

Aurulent by drrkrbbt @?

An "accident" in the middle of the night turns a lot more interesting than Keith had expected.

The Long Way Back by fio @?

As a gladiator, and now Champion, Shiro has given up hope of ever returning to Earth. But when his captors deliver his 'prize'—an omega, a descendant of both Galran and Altean blood used by the Galra to breed with the strongest aliens they capture—he's offered a chance to escape.

There's just one catch: Shiro has to get him pregnant to do it.

Happy Accidents by ShirosRedKnight (SweetFanfics) @shirosredknight

Keith’s never understood the term ‘happy accident’. It’s too much of an oxymoron because how can an accident be happy? It just didn’t seem possible.

But that was before now.

Weekend at Pidge’s by chocolatemoosey @chocolatemoosey

Keith took Shiro gently by the jaw and pulled him into a kiss, “She’s fine. Hunk and Lance are there with her – between the three of them, I think things are gonna be okay.”

Meanwhile, at the other paladins' house: “THINGS ARE DEFINITELY NOT OKAY."

Pidge, Lance, and Hunk have offered to watch Keith and Shiro's toddler for a night while the couple celebrates their anniversary. Add a hostage situation to the mix and things go about as well as expected.

Inherit the Stars by Masrrkan @souais

It's time that Keith moved on with life, one that was full of happiness, his husband, and his son.

(Fic was originally posted before s5. So no Lotor or Matt. This is canon divergent past s4 and doesn't fully mesh with the current story in the show.)

A Single Step by bouquetofwhoopsiedaisies @bouquetofwhoopsiedaises

After the war with the Galra Empire finished, Keith and Shiro settled down on a nice planet together and started a small, happy family. Then, their daughter was kidnapped, and they spent years searching for her. When they find her, she is scared and volatile, a feral creature that needs to be taught how to trust again. Luckily, her dads are ready to help her every step of the way, even if those steps are slow to come. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Gredelin by AccordionOwl @accordionowl

A story about how Shiro and Keith deepening their relationship and Keith realizing something about his galra heritage as things starts to happen to his body.

The Beast That Eats Its Tail by kittypox @kittypox

Retiring from the coalition is easier said than done, even in Keith's condition. Even with his mighty alpha mate protecting him, he somehow still manages to get caught in the midst of the coalition's war with the rebel group, The Hand of Krell. Time is not on the coalition's side as they struggle to squash the power vacuum and discover how the paladins are linked to the mysterious beast the rebels worship. Keith does not know what this 'Beast That eats It Tail' is and why the rebels are so keen on feeding him to it, but he does not intend on finding out.

Leaving It All Behind bykittypox @kittypox

There are reasons to turn from war. Settled in his stomach, Keith finds his one reason to not only turn from the war effort, but to abandon Voltron and his mate.

#sheith #voltron #keith #pregnant keith #omega keith #pregnant keith fic catalogue #pkfc #pkfc mobile #fics #writing

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zendozebra · 6 years

Text

All the Time in the World Chapter 5

Oh god, his head hurts. What was he doing here, again? Wait, where the hell is he? This isn't his apartment. It's not Inko's apartment, either, and those are usually the two places he wakes up at. What wa- Oh, god his head hurts. Is he hungover? But he only drank three bottles!

"Ah, did you have a nice rest, Majima-san?" Whose voice was that again? The mouse guy right? Where the hell was he? Okay, everything's coming into focus, and there's Nezu, staring at him. Along with like, 20 other people. Okay seriously, what's going on? "You're in the spectator's booth, waiting for the UA Entrance Exams to begin. Are you alright?"

"Well, that explains a few things." He needed a drink. Water, this time, he's not that crazy as to start drinking on the first day of the job. He leaned forward in his seat, raising his eyebrows. "Wait, the exam's already started? Why didn't ya wake me up earlier?!" Son of a bitch, now he has to use Time Stop to get his shit together, walk around the room and copy the notes from all the other teachers- Oh hey Iwata- and then make his own notes based on whatever the hell is on the screens. By the time he comes out of it, he's got everything together and is one professional-lookin' teacher man. He notices that the other teachers look a little surprised at his quick transition from hungover to ready, but whatever, they're gonna be working together for a while, they'll get used to him and his particular brand of bullshit sooner or later.

"Alright, well what are we- Oh shit, is that Izu-chan?" Iwata jumped at the mention of the green haired kid, which caught Majima by surprise. "What's with you, Iwata-kun?"

The skeletal hero seemed confused with Majima calling him the wrong name, but he pushed on, "How is it you know about young Midoriya? Shouldn't this be the first time you've met the boy?"

"Hardly, I've known the kid for years, got some kind of strength quirk, though I've never seen him use it."

"How do you-?!"

"Saw him with this big-ass list of strength exercises a few months back. Figured I'd put two and two together." He explained, which seemed to appease All Might, as he relaxed back into his seat. What's that about? "Either way, I'm confused why he's not using it. He's just running around like a chicken that's lost its head. C'mon! Punch something already, kid!"

"Majima-san, Yagi-san, need I remind you that you should be making notes on all of the participants?" Both men felt a chill wash over them under Nezu's gaze, and quickly got back to work. Majima only used his Time Stop once more towards the end of the exams, making one more circuit around the room, copying everyone's notes again. He liked the spaceman the most, whoever they were had some great handwriting, despite that suit they wore. Only one minute left in the exam, huh? Wond- What the fuck is that thing?!

Some giant-ass robot just marched its way onto the field, destroying buildings left and right. What the hell is wrong with this school? You're really gonna put you kids up against something like that? Sure, he gets that they need to keep an eye out for the best and brightest, but throwing a giant, smoking, explodi-

The robot just blew up. The fucking robot just blew up. Who the fuck?! Midoriya? Little Izu-chan? Blowing up robots the size of a skyscraper? How strong is this kid, anyway? Iwata looked super happy over somethin', but the rest of the teachers seemed to be freaking out just like he was. Wait, a minute, there were other people on the other side of the arena, weren't there? Okay, snap of a finger, coin flip. Heads is Jin, he goes out there, pulls some people out of the way of the debris. Tails is Akira, he sits pretty in his seat and he doesn't bat a god damn eye. Alright, flip of the coin and- Fuck, damnit! He hates coin flips, he always gets Jin! Oh, he was going to have words with this boy when he's done here.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Majima brought himself out of Time Stop, watching Izuku stumble around and fall to the ground as he tried to used to being moved so far so quickly. Good thing he figured out how to manipulate his quirk like that, let him interact with the frozen world without completely obliterating anything he touched. It's usually pretty ugly when that happens to a person. Ah, that takes him back. That was how he originally met Akira, right? And then he met Jin a week later in the karaoke parlor, with Aimi. Or were they bowling? Didn't Jin hate bowling though? Fuck it, he'll write all this shit down when he gets a chance. Okay, Izuku finally stopped vomiting, back to work.

"You already know what I want to talk to you about, kid. So spit it out, and then we can get on with our day." He has a bottle of Johnnie Walker waiting for him back at his place, and he'd like to drink it as soon as he could.

Of course, Izuku looked terribly nervous and confused, but that should go without saying. "I'm sorry, Majima-san, but I still can't control my q-"

"Oh, I don't give a shit about your quirk, boy!" Oh, wow, he hadn't yelled at anyone in a long time, forgot how that felt. Much angrier about this than he'd thought he was. Not as much fun when the person you're yelling looks close to tears, though. Trying to calm himself down a bit, he lit a cigarette, giving them both a moment to collect themselves. "I get what you were going for, kid, I do. I'd have to be an idiot not to. But you gotta understand that brute force, as great a card it might be, isn't always the best way to go. Sure, ya saved everyone running south of the bot. But what about the people running north?"

There we go, now he's starting to see where he went wrong. "They… They were running away too, right?" Instead of nervous, he was starting to look just a bit scared. Good, making some progress, but we're still not there yet.

"'Course they were. Now, normally you'd be right, and this wouldn't be a problem-"

"But it was a giant robot. It could have still fallen on people!" There we go, this kid is gonna be a treat to teach if he gets in. Now to drive the lesson home with a good ol' guilt trip.

"And it would have, if I hadn't been around. Don't think Iwata could have buffed himself up fast enough to be of any help, which means that quite a number of injuries would have been on your head, kid, and we both know you don't want that." Ah, Akira's methods to get Jin's results. They would have been so proud. Well, Aimi would have, the other two would've probably been fighting over who could take the credit for his choices.

"But… Majima-san…" Ah great, the kid's still got questions. Doesn't he realize that Majima has a life outside of this crap. He still has to make dinner later, for christ sake. Or maybe…

"Tell ya what, Izu-chan. You invite me over for some of your ma's cooking, and I'll answer every question that you have. Just don't go asking about whether or not you got accepted. Don't have the answer to that one myself." With that, he once again throws an arm around Izuku's shoulder and starts leading them down the street, a good, hearty meal awaiting our future hero, and the bored old man who realizes that he seriously needs to find some new friends.

A/N- If there are any artists who would be willing to draw a reference picture of Majima, please leave a message in the comments. This is, of course, a paid position.

#izuku midoriya/ mina ashido #midoriya izuku #mina ashido #inko midoriya #izumina #slow burn #toshinori yagi #all might #all for one #one for all #time stop #oc

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norihisahyuga-archived · 6 years

Note

The hierophant Teshima/Shikiba

He has reasons to be nervous. Even with the reassurance that the people beyond this door are going to understand him on a level most other people have never been able to, even with the promise that this is finally going to be a place where he can be himself without having to edit himself and bite his tongue, he has reasons to be nervous. A person can only spend so much of their life suffering without it becoming the norm instead of a provoked reaction to a stressful situation.

Every situation is a stressful situation, especially when it comes to his identity.

For the most part, his life has been fine. There has been no physical violence, and even though verbal slurs and harassment hurts, he is happy with the fact his height keeps most people too afraid to do anything about their hatred of who he is. His parents love him and accept him and though there had been missteps in the learning process, they stand beside him and do everything they can to get him what he needs to lead a somewhat normal life.

His mother in particular had become his rock because she had always known, she said. Motherly intuition, or something like that, and he had no reason to question it when she was willing to help him measure himself so he could order a couple of binders as a birthday present.

He has friends who know who he is, friends who fit into some of the same categories, friends who face their own personal hells every time they are brave enough to be who they are without any hesitation. His professors more or less know the truth now and none of them have ever singled him out or made him feel like less than any other student for who he is.

Why should he be so afraid to attend an LGBT club meeting here on campus, then?

Ashikiba Takuto takes a deep breath and seizes the door knob in one hand; it still takes a titan effort to twist it and push the door open so he can step into the room. He had given himself fifteen minutes to get here, and he finds himself seven minutes early just the same, but the room is thankfully not empty. There are other students already here, some sitting in little groups and talking, some on their cell phones, some working on what must be homework.

A few of them, he recognizes. He recognizes a tall and lanky boy with wide dark eyes who sits next to a blue-haired fox-faced person he has never seen before; the former is Midousuji Akira who shares a chemistry lab with him. He knows Izumida Touichirou as one of the boys who lives in his dorm just a few doors down from his own, his dorm room always loud and noisy with friends. The familiar faces relax him more, but only a little.

He takes an empty seat and is content to just sit and wait until the meeting begins when someone else walks through the door, combing windswept purple curls out of his eyes. “I swear to God this weather is awful,” he announces, and a few people in the room laugh.

Ashikiba feels his mouth go dry at the sight of this boy, his eyes widening until it feels like they might pop out at any moment, his mouth dry.

The boy shuts the door firmly and turns back around; his eyes meet Ashikiba’s, and this is probably just because Ashikiba just happens to be across from the door and not because of anything to do with fate or destiny.

“Shikiba?” Teshima Junta comes to a stop, his own eyes widening just as much that it looks comical, though Ashikiba doesn’t have it in him to laugh. “Wow, I didn’t even know you went to this school. Let me just… Oh wow.”

He breaks off in nervous laughter and Ashikiba giggles a little, some of the tension slowly unwinding its way from his body. A few people look on curiously as he climbs to his feet just in time for Teshima to tackle him with a hug, not making him stagger so much as a centimeter because Ashikiba has both height and weight on him. Just the same, his knees knock together until it feels like they may just go out beneath him.

“Jun-chan,” he breathes, and Teshima smiles up at him, eyes glittering. “I didn’t know you went to this school, either. I’ve never seen you on campus before.”

“It’s a big campus, I guess,” Teshima says, and Ashikiba thinks he must be right because nothing else quite makes as much sense as that. “You look amazing! Wow, you got even taller since the last time I saw you. And you look so handsome with that hairstyle.”

Ashikiba opens his mouth to respond, trying to ignore how fiercely hot his face feels at the words. “Th-thanks, I just, it’s not on purpose or anything, I just—”

“You’re getting him all tongue-tied senpai, that’s not fair.” An orange-haired boy walks up to him, clapping Teshima on the back. He smiles so hard and bounces on the balls of his feet, and Ashikiba might just be hallucinating from shock but he thinks the boy might be sparkling. “Do you two know each other or something?”

“We do. We dated once in middle school,” Teshima says, so smoothly and easily.

The orange-haired boy raises his eyebrows, then grins up at Ashikiba. “Wow, I’m surprised actually because I didn’t think you had good taste in anything, much less boyfriends.”

“Kaburagi, stop that and go sit somewhere else.” Teshima flaps hands at him until Kaburagi mutters something petulantly and walks away, then gives Ashikiba an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry about that, really I am. Issa’s just… He can be a lot. You really do look great, though. I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again considering it was middle school.”

“I know what you mean.” Middle school friends fall apart so easily when high school rolls around, especially given the fact that not everyone aims for the same high school, nor gets into it. And that doesn’t even factor in college; there are so many years between them.

Teshima nods up at him and sits in the empty chair beside the one Ashikiba has already claimed, which reassures him into sitting down as well, folding his body onto the chair the best he can. Being tall is both a blessing and a curse; no one questions him when he says he’s a man because the height really does help even if most people would never think it would, but the same height he relied on to help him pass when he was younger also made his life a living hell.

He knows how important it is to take the good with the bad, but that is a lot harder than it sounds when it comes to something like this.

Teshima drops a hand on his knee and he stops himself from jumping, just barely. “It’s so good to see you! You look amazing. You look so comfortable with yourself now.”

“You kind of have to get comfortable with yourself, I guess.” Ashikiba fidgets with his hair, thinking back over the years he had changed his appearance, and then changed it again, always reaching for something that would make him happier, help him accept who he is and what that means to him. “I’d like to think I’m comfortable with myself now.”

“Well, it’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. It’s always good to see someone who’s come a long way finally be happy.” Teshima squeezes his knee and Ashikiba feels his face burn.

They had been friends but Ashikiba had always had a crush on Teshima; it had been Teshima who made him look back at himself and question whether being transgender was the only part of him that he needed to learn more about. Their friendship had eventually ended when they went to different high school, but there were more cute boys and even a few boyfriends who hadn’t flinched away when Ashikiba told them he was a boy, too.

He had saved coming out as gay for senior year, just the same. It was easier to stay quiet about that because as long as people saw him as a boy, he could wait on the rest.

“Thanks,” he finally manages, trying to make himself seem more composed even though it feels like he might be about to burst at the seams. “You look good, too. You kept letting your hair grow out, huh? I know you said you thought about it but you weren’t sure how it would work out.”

Teshima catches a lock of seaweed-wavy hair between his fingers and gives it a gentle tug. “Ah, I remember that. I was so scared it was going to make me hate myself more to let my hair grow, but it surprisingly didn’t. I’m glad for that, because I really ended up liking it long.”

“I know what you mean, I think. Letting my hair grow at all made me really uneasy at first, but as time passed, I kind of realized that I liked it?” Ashikiba clears his throat and tells himself to stop feeling so nervous around Teshima. He had come here specifically to talk about things like this, right? To talk about what it means to him to be trans, how he had overcome so many struggles to get where he is today, to have that sense of community he had to give up during high school in favor of staying safe. “I’m… Really glad our campus has an LGBT club.”

Teshima laughs. “You’re going to love it, I hope. It’s always good to have new members.”

On the tail end of his statement, a pair of boys walk into the room, one of them hanging off of the other’s arm, and no one says anything about it. Ashikiba watches the two of them together, watches as the shorter of the two winds his fingers up in the taller one’s iridescent green hair, laughing at the way the taller one pouts at him. The two of them look so happy together, and no one hurls any slurs at them or makes any move of violence toward them.

It feels good to see that. It feels like a reassurance that there is a place in the world for people like them and that they have just as much of a chance to be happy as anyone else does. Ashikiba has spent so much of his life wondering if that could be true that he never thought he would see such obvious evidence of it in front of him.

“Okay, guys, it looks like most of our regulars are here so we’re going to start.” The shorter of the two drops down into a chair, his boyfriend sitting down next to him. “As most of you know, I’m Toudou Jinpachi. It’s good to see some new faces in the room.”

That is also reassuring, in a way. Ashikiba had never thought that there might be new people here other than him but knowing this is not only his first time makes him feel a lot better than he thought it would. Next to him, Teshima touches his arm and nods once at him. It’s almost embarrassing to realize that he might have never gotten over that crush, but Teshima’s eyes are glittering up at him and it makes Ashikiba feel weak.

Maybe he can find a little piece of the happiness that Toudou and his boyfriend have, and maybe he can one day be able to look at other people who are new here and be as reassuring and gentle with them as Teshima has been with him. It had seemed like an intangible dream up until now, but surrounded by people who have had similar experiences to him makes it feel like that’s a dream that might just be able to come true.

#this was the only thing i could think of when i saw this prompt so here ya go #yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #takuto ashikiba #junta teshima #they're so cute i love them thanks #halfpastmonsoon #asks

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cielofics · 4 years

Text

(Old) ICMSAR XVI

WARNING(S): OCC's, Parent!bashing, depressing!thoughts, suicidal!tendencies,

NOTES: "Japanese" "Italian" Thinking 'Tsuna's eye speak' [Text Messages]

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Amano Akira does

With Reborn and Ienari~

"Hmph weak," Reborn said as he was walking back with Bianchi and a worn-out Ienari. It had been a week since they were gone and Ienari had shown no improvement in his fighting skills. He still couldn't even go into HDWM. The progress is way to slow; even Tsuna wasn't taking this long!

"We're home," Ienari said weakly as he opened the door to the house.

"Okaeri, Ie-kun~ How was your practice?" Nana asked as she came from the kitchen. Her eyes flickered to Reborn before flickering back to Ienari.

"Fine," he mumbled as he pushed aside his mother and went upstairs to his room. Frowning, Nana said, "I've been getting a bad feeling, Reborn-kun..."

Reborn looked at Nana and asked, "Related to Tsuna or Dame-Nari?"

"Tsuna..."

Now Reborn and Bianchi frowned. Usually, a mother's intuition would be correct and considering that Nana is more observant in this world, it could very well happen.

"We'll be on the look out," Bianchi comforted.

Nana could only smile hesitantly at that.

XX..XX

The Next day~

"HIEEEE!" a loud voice screeched before a gunshot resounded in the neighborhood. "REBORN! I AM GOING TO RUN TO SCHOOL ON TIME!"

Ienari, the soccer prince was seen running in his boxers to school. Despite running to school, he didn't make it time.

"Herbivore," a voice growled from behind just as the bullet's effect ran out. "For being late and being indecent, I will bite you to death twice."

"W-Wait H-Hibari-sa-"

Poor Ienari never saw it coming. "Hn, herbivore, go to class," Kyoya said as he turned around once he finished biting Ienari to death.

He couldn't help but notice that the uniform that the demon prefect was wearing had changed. The quality of his uniform was far better and his jacket was rimmed in orange. There was also a weird logo on his red armband. Where did he see that logo?

Getting up, Ienari opened his bag and took out his uniform. He developed a habit to keep an extra pair considering Reborn's joy in firing the Dying Will Bullet.

Once he was dressed up, he went inside the building and to his classroom. "I'm sorry I'm late, sensei," he said smiling serenely.

The teacher merely nodded and went to his seat. He couldn't help but notice his dame brother and his friends missing, even Kyoko was missing!

"Hey, where's Dame-Tsuna?" he asked casually.

What he wasn't expecting was the reaction of his classmate. They all looked pale and were trembling as though they had gone through a very scary ordeal.

"G-Guys?"

"Ienari-kun," the teacher called weakly.

"Yes?"

"Please don't call Sawada Tsunayoshi 'Dame-Tsuna' anymore," the teacher pleaded as everyone else nodded their heads.

Ienari raised his eyebrows and asked, "Why though? Dame-Tsuna is dame so he deserves to be called that."

Just as the teacher was about to say something, the door slammed open. Everyone inside jumped and noticed that the demon prefect was standing there.

"Fake herbivore," he called out. Ienari could only gulp in fear as he felt a tonfa coming towards him. Luckily, he was able to dodge it... but the wall behind him was... cracked. "I'll bite you to death for insulting kaichou (SC president) in public (in his hearing range)," he said cracking a smirk as Hibari got ready to fight.

"K-Kaichou? I don't even know who the kaichou is!" Ienari yelled, afraid of the teen in front of him.

"Hibari! Hibari!" a voice chirped from behind. Pausing in his advances, Hibari looked towards the voice. Hibird was flying there, chirping "Report! Report! Office! Office!"

"Hn, I'll bite you to death later, fake herbivore," Hibari said as he left the room, his jack bellowing behind him.

Ienari stood up, his legs shaking before asking, "W-Who's the k-kaichou?"

There was silence for a moment before the teacher gathered enough guts to answer, "Sawada Tsunayoshi."

XX..XX

Past~ A week ago~

"Oi Sawada!"

Being woken up forcefully wasn't part of Tsuna's schedule.

"Explain what is going on!"

Blinking blearily, he noticed that Hana was standing in front of him with an unreadable expression along with Kyoko behind. Those two had started to join him, Gokudera and Yamamoto on the roof during lunches ever since the fight with Mochida. He tilted his head in question before he wrote down [Explain what?]

At that Hana had a bewildered expression, "I want to ask what did you do to get THE Hibari Kyoya to vouch for you!"

[Vouch for what?]

There was profound silence. Everyone who was available in the class was looking at Tsuna as though he had grown another head while the sleepy head wasn't able to see the gravity of the situation.

Kyoko asked hesitantly this time, "You mean, you haven't heard, Tsuna-kun?"

It was Tsuna's turn to look at them with confusion. [What do you mean?]

"You were nominated to become the Student Council President..."

XX..XX

"Did you think he noticed?" Takeshi asked, sitting in the DC room.

"Probably not, he looked too dazed," Reborn replied.

"Kufufu, I can't wait until he finds out."

"Let's just hope that nobody complains," Hayato said.

"Complain? Against Kyo-nii?" Lambo asked surprised. "Then they signed their death certificates."

"Let's just hope Boss doesn't becomes angry at what we are planning. It was hard to hide the rumors from him," Chrome said quietly.

Everybody shuddered as they remembered what Tsuna could do when he becomes angry.

"It wouldn't be that bad, right?" Takeshi asked. Reborn looked at all of them before smirking, "You do realize he helps me tutor Ienari without him noticing?"

"Sadistic omnivore," Kyoya murmured. Everyone else could only agree at that sentence.

"What about Ienari?" Ryohei asked seriously. The guardians turned towards the baby hitman who smirked, "Don't worry, he won't be coming for a week. Training camp."

Everyone else sighed in relief. "It should be enough for the school to fall in love with Tsuna, right?" Takeshi asked

"Hopefully..."

XX..XX

Tsuna was gaping at the two females standing in front of him. Thinking they were just pulling his leg, he asked [Excuse me?]

"Like I said, you were nominated to become the Student Council President," Hana replied as a matter-of-factly.

Tsuna looked at them with an unreadable expression before asking [I will never be accepted! I am Dame-Tsuna!]

"Actually, you will be nominated," Hana said.

[Why?!]

"Apparently, your friends riled up everyone by saying <Hmph, you guys are scared that 'Dame-Tsuna' will be able to do a better job than you guys. No wonder why you are refusing> It was said by the delinquent monkey. Only to be further riled up by Yamamoto Takeshi and Sasagawa Ryohei. Not to mention, they started a campaign to get you to become the president. Considering how much they have riled up everyone, you will definitely become the president."

Tsuna's incredulous looks just made Hana laugh. "That's not all. From the girls, Kyoko and I have been rooting for you. Then, Hibari-san vouched for you, so you have half the school at your feet."

[Wait... Hibari-san.. vouched for me?]

Hana rolled her eyes, "Yup. He barged into the teachers meeting and gave them your file to become the president. I quote <If you want someone to do a herbivorous job then get an omnivore to do it>"

Tsuna looked panic-stricken now. [Please. tell me this is a joke...] The look that Hana gave Tsuna was enough for him to crawl back into the corner.

I should have never woken up today! Tsuna thought as he banged his head on the desk. Suddenly, an idea popped into head making a smirk crawl onto his face. He looked at Hana with mischievous eyes before getting ready for the presentation. If he's going to be the president because of their fault then he would get all of them to fall with him.

XX..XX

10 minutes later, after a motivational speech from a trembling headmaster, Tsuna was called to stand in the podium to give his speech on becoming the new student council president. The previous student council president was crying in joy for finally managing to relief himself from the paperwork and Hibari's biting to death for escaping.

Hibari started making his way to the podium and everybody held their breaths when the new president and the demon were standing face to face.

Usually, Tsuna would be shivering and cowering from Hibari approaching him but today was different. This was the day that my friends forc- I mean asked him to take upon this position.

[Hello, Hibari-san, it's been quite a while] Tsuna said smiling a bit too cheerfully while bowing slightly

"Hn, do a good job, Omnivore otherwise I will bite you to death," he said solemnly.

[Actually, I haven't approved of this position yet] he replied

Hibari grunted and eyed the brunette carefully. There was something wrong with the way he was smiling, "What's wrong with the position, Omnivore?"

Tsuna let out an inaudible sigh, [One, I am certain that most of the votes that I have gotten are from people that are afraid of you not because they believe in me.]

"Hn, I have seen it myself and you are capable, Omnivore."

The rest of the students and teachers (minus tsuna's guardians) even though were cautious about what was going on, were now gaping. For some reason, the screen behind them had everything that the brunet was saying to the prefect. 'Hibari Kyoya, the demon prefect, somewhat agreed and acknowledged someone!'

[That still doesn't qualify me enough,] Tsuna retaliated.

Now everyone in the gym could feel the tension in the air. "Hn, regardless, you are suitable for the job and why they voted for you won't matter now. You are the Student Council President and I won't let you run away from your job, Omnivore."

Everybody was now sweating bullets, waiting for what they brunette would now reply with. What they didn't expect was the bright and eerie smile the brunette smiled.

[I see, if that's the case then I will accept the position however ] Hibari narrowed his eyes to the brunette. The way he was emphasized the last word was as though he was planning something bad!

"What is it, Omnivore?" Hibari asked warily.

[If I recall correctly, the Student Council President can pick their members right?]

"Hn..."

[Well, then I have an announcement to make so do stay for a while, Hibari-san,] Tsuna replied.

"...Make it quick, Omnivore or I will bite you to death for wasting my time."

Everybody saw Tsuna smiling with a smile that was creepy. The thick tension that was spread within the room with the conversation had multiplied by the brunette smiles. Tsuna looked at Hana and gave her the paper, who started reading off it.

"Everyone, I have a really happy and joyous announcement to make. As I have officially become the new Student Council President as of now, I would like to tell you of the few changes that we will be undergoing," Hana paused while Tsuna's smile widened. "One of my friend's parent is apparently part of Nebesa and they have decided to take over the school to increase it in it profits and land." Everyone was now staring at him as though he had grown two heads, even Hana had raised an eyebrow at that but continued. While Tsuna's friends were now getting an ominous thought crawling up their spine.

"As to why the boss of Nebesa decided to do it is because that friend of mine is good friends with the boss. This very boss has taken a liking to our school and so he/she requested from his/her friend to take over this school." Tsuna's smiled extended even more now. When on Earth did Tsuna manage to accomplish this?! Tsuna's guardians and friends thought. Even Hana was starting to become wary of the overly smiling brunet.

"Since, they have taken control over us, they have made a few... changes to the members of the Council," he carefully eyed his friends sitting right in front row. "Now the Council won't just have three members but rather many. I will tell you what and who these positions belong to now.

The Vice Presidents - Gokudera Hayato

The Disciplinary/Security President - Hibari Kyoya

The Event Management Team - Sasagawa Kyoko, Kurokawa Hana

Sports Committee President - Yamamoto Takeshi

Medical President - Sasagawa Ryohei.

Vice-President of the Prison and Punishment Committee - Chrome Dokuro

President of the Prison and Punishment Committee - Rokudo Mukuro

These people will be charged in many other positions as well but these are the main ones. Not to mention, all of the above people mentioned will be placed in 'special classes' especially for them. One last thing, all members of the SC (Student Council) will also be getting special missions while in school. Everyone has to participate. That is all, I hope you enjoy," Hana said looking dumbfounded as she finished reading the paper. She turned towards the smiling brunet and asked, "What..?"

[Isn't it great! If I become president then all of you will go down too!]

One of Tsuna's bullies screamed, "What the HELL?! Why are you suddenly the president!?"

This caused everyone to snap out of their stupor and nod their heads. Tsuna turned towards them with a raised eyebrow. The screen behind them had words written down. [As far as I am concerned, it was you all who agreed to let me become the president to show that I won't be able to do anything right. So why on Earth are you complaining now ?]

This caused the bully to falter for a second before asking, "Half of those people you named aren't even in our school!"

[Only 2 people aren't. Don't worry, they'll be joining.] He smiled sickeningly sweet. Everyone else could only stare at the brunet as they saw him leave the school when the bell rang.

There was only one thought on their heads, What the heck just happened?

XX..XX

Becoming the SC president wasn't much different from being the head of Nebesa or a mafia boss.

Am I going to become some kind of leader in all the worlds?!

As of now, Tsuna was sitting in the DC room, looking at the furious and disbelief expression of those who he got to be part of the council. Reborn wasn't there since he was busy training Ienari in a camp. Wonder why though? He never had a camp for me...

"Omnivore explain!" Hibari growled.

'Explain what?' Tsuna asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Since when did Nebesa take over Namichu?"

'Since now.'

"Kufufu, Who gave you the right to do that?" Mukuro asked, chuckling eerily. Tsuna smirked at that, "As far as I am concerned, I am the boss of Nebesa. So, I can do that."

Everyone one was shocked for a second to hear their sky speaking before they snapped out of it. "Still that doesn't gives you the right-"

"You had no right to nominate me either," Tsuna retorted and that was that. Nobody could say anything else.

XX..XX

Present~

Ienari stood there shocked, replaying the words in his head. "W-Wait, are you s-saying that d-dame-tsuna is the new k-kaichou?"

He received nods in return. "And if we call him Dame-Tsuna now, we get 'bitten to death' and so far only he has been able to control the demon prefect," a classmate said looking pale as though he had gone through this.

"Actually, any SC members will 'bite you to death' if they hear us called k-kaichou 'Dame-Tsuna,'" another classmate replied.

"W-Wait! H-how on earth did he even get n-nominated?!" Ienari asked, desperately trying to understand the situation and that everything is a joke so far.

"...We got played by the SC members," another classmate answered.

"What do you mean?"

"We were riled up," someone answered.

"And you all agree with him becoming the kaichou?!" Ienari screeched.

"..Well, he has been able to control the demon prefect," the teacher answered slowly. Ienari could only look at him is wonder. "Not to mention, his marks has been getting better and the school is getting better."

There were murmurs of approval coming from the students as Ienari just stood there, dumbfounded.

"Anyways," the teacher said, "just don't get on his bad side. You'll know who is in the SC with the modified uniform. There will be Nebesa's logo somewhere visible and their jackets will be rimmed with orange."

Nobody else said anything else as Ienari merely sat on his chair, numb.

XX..XX

Ienari's POV~

Dame-Tsuna is the kaichou? I thought dazedly. When did this happen? How did it happen?

I grit my teeth in frustration. Getting myself excused from the class, I trudged down the hallways to the clinic. My dame brother probably became kaichou when I was having the training camp. How did this happen? After I made sure to not let him in the spotlight.

Does this means that I will have to use it now? Looking down, I grabbed a small vial lying innocently in my pocket.

Damn that brother of mine! Why was he born?! I'll make sure he regrets trying to steal the attention from me!

I will make you beg to me to die, dame-Tsuna

#katekyo hitman reborn #il cielo ma sempre accettando rotto #old version

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