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slayfics · 5 months

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Katsuki gets caught being sweet to you.

You started to finally catch your breath being at the top of the hiking trail Katsuki had dragged you out too.

"Alright there, it's just us up here so tell me already. What the hell has been going on?"

"That's why you brought me out here?" You asked.

"Just tell me already, stop being so damn stubborn." He pried you impatiently.

"I told you I'm fine Bakugo, just busy like everyone else." You replied.

"Don't give me that shit. Do you think I'm stupid? The other extras are too dense to notice but I can see how exhausted you've been this whole week. So just tell me- what's going on," He said.

"You didn't need to drag me out here on a hike in freezing weather to do this, you know," You said, slightly irritated at Katsuki continuing to push you.

"Ugh- will you stop stalling and talk already," He yelled, causing you to let out an annoyed sigh. Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and looked out at the view, his demeanor softening slightly. "You can talk to me, you know," he added, his voice lower and kinder than before.

You stayed looking at the view for a few more moments trying to figure out how to unpack everything that had been stressing you out. It wasn't like some big thing, but a summation of a bunch of little things that were beginning to become too challenging to manage.

A cold breeze blew by causing you to shiver. You wondered why Katsuki had insisted on bringing you up this mountain to talk to you. He could have pestered you in your dorm where it was warm.

Katsuki stole glances at you occasionally then focused back on the view not wanting to intimidate you too much from his glare. Hiking always helped him to clear his mind and gather his thoughts when they seemed too loud. He thought maybe it would help you too, and being away from all your classmates might make it easier for you to talk to him. At the very least it made it easier for Katsuki to be more vulnerable with you. He found it too daunting to express himself fully with all the attention of his classmates around. It was much easier being only in your company.

You took a deep breath, "I guess- it's just been hard to balance everything recently," You finally spoke, breaking the silence. Katsuki made it easy to open up to, as he had no problem sitting in silence for long extended periods. Others in your life felt the need to fill that silence with useless chatter which always prevented you from sitting in your emotions and being able to formulate them into words.

You took in another breath feeling a lump in your throat form. You hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about what was going on for fear of opening up the flood of emotions and not being able to stop. Now here it was. You didn't want to cry on this fucking hill.

Katsuki patiently waited while you gathered your thoughts.

"It's just been so much and I've been barely keeping up. It's- been getting to me recently. I've been forgetting things I shouldn't. Being unusually upset at things that aren't that big of a deal- and I just- it's dumb." You cut yourself off afraid to say anymore.

"It's not dumb. Don't hold that shit in, it's not healthy," He said encouraging you to keep talking.

You sighed, "I just... know that it could be way worse, and I've been through way worse so- I feel so irritated at myself. What I'm going through now isn't something I can't handle. I know that. So why do I feel so fucking exhausted with everything," You replied wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

"Hmm," Katsuki grunted, processing what you said. "You know, it's ok to be tired, and- to not be perfect. You can't just deny yourself from feeling overwhelmed because it could be worse. If you're exhausted now then those feelings are real- and it's ok to have them," He spoke.

You looked down at the view watching the distant cars pass, "Thanks," You managed to say taking another deep breath.

"You shouldn't wait to handle them until they explode either. Trust me, I know what that's like," He said, causing you to let out a small giggle. "You're too damn hard on yourself you know that?"

You let out a full laugh, "Oh that's pretty good coming from you. You're the pro at having too high expectations for yourself," you laughed.

You and Katsuki were wrapped up in your conversation causing you not to notice approaching classmates in the distance. Mina and Eijiro had also decided to come up the hill after class and spotted both of you in the distance.

"That looks like we shouldn't interrupt," Eijiro said.

"Yeah," Mina agreed. "But maybe... we could get a little closer to make sure everything is ok?" She said, pulling Eijiro into the bushes to spy on you and Katsuki. Eijiro was highly against the plan but was unable to protest for fear of you two hearing.

"Yeah I know I have high expectations for myself... that's why I know what it fucking looks like when you're being too hard on yourself. So- tonight I'm coming to your dorm and, I'm making sure you get to bed at a reasonable fucking time."

Mina's eyes widened as she looked at Eijiro, "Coming to their dorm?!" She whispered, and Eijrio covered her mouth, silencing her.

"You mean Grandpa time at 9 p.m.?"

"Shut up! 9 p.m. is late as hell! You damn idiots just don't know how to have a good sleep schedule! Look I'm making sure you get some sleep and tomorrow I'm taking you out. So- figure out where you want to eat, I don't care where. And I'm not letting you say no you need a break," Katsuki replied.

"You don't have to do that Bakugo."

"Of course, I don't have to but, I want to. So just shut up and let me take care of you ok. You better not be afraid to order enough food this time either! I'm buying so- just get whatever you want, alright?"

"Ok ok," You laughed, feeling your mood brighten.

"Next time, just tell me when you're having a bad day or something. Stop making me drag it out of you. I- worry about you, you know? Now let's go back to the dorms. I see you shivering," He said, beginning to walk back down the hill.

Mina squirmed again under Eijiro's hand, keeping her silent. Her eyes said it all. She was in disbelief at Katsuki's words.

"Here," Katsuki said, holding his hand out and offering it to you. "I'll warm your hand with my quirk," he said.

You grabbed his hand interlacing your fingers with his.

"Don't dare say anything about how sweaty my hands are!" He barked.

You giggled, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't care Bakugo. It's part of your quirk, and your quirk is amazing you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. Besides, I'm always happy to hold your hand," You said as you two walked down the mountain.

"Tch whatever," Katsuki grumbled looking away from you as a small tint grew on his cheeks.

Finally, when you and Katsuki were far enough down the hill, Eijiro released Mina.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Mina exclaimed.

"Shh shhh," Eijiro pleaded.

"WHAT- He wants to take care of them?!? OH MY GOD! They are totally dating right?! That's what he said he's taking them out to eat! And he's sneaking into their dorm! Wait wait- when they held hands it sounded like that had before! AND AND BAKUGO WAS TOTALLY BLUSHING! NO WAY!" Mina said looking like she might pass out from all this information.

"Ashido relax, we shouldn't have heard any of that!" Eijiro replied.

"Yeah but but-" Mina exclaimed, her head spinning. "Who knew Baklugo could actually be so sweet! I can't wait to tell Jiro-" She said, pulling out her phone.

"NO!" Eijiro said, grabbing her phone from her. "Uh- sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh but- you can't tell anyone what we heard ok?" Eijiro said.

"WHAT?! I just heard Bakugo being the sweetest boyfriend ever and you expect me not to say anything about that?!"

"YES!" Eijiro yelled. "Look they both like their privacy and there is a reason they were all the way up here talking, Ashido. I think we should keep this a secret and let them do things at their own pace ok?" He said, handing Mina back her phone.

"UGH-" She exclaimed letting out a big sigh. "I guess you're right... but wow who would have thought Bakugo could be a decent person much less a good boyfriend." She said.

Eijiro just shrugged at her words, "I don't know he's not a bad guy like you all make him out to be you know."

"Wait! You totally already knew didn't you!" Mina said, slapping Eijiro's shoulder.

"Hey! I mean- Bakugo is my best friend you know, so yeah I did..." He answered truthfully.

"You suck! Keeping secrets like that from me!" Mina said playfully, waving a finger at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's their business you know?" He said.

"Yeah I understand, guess we should go back to the dorms too now," Mina suggested.

"Yeah it is pretty cold up here, let's go." He agreed as they both started to walk down the hill. "I don't have Bakugo's quirk or anything but- if you're cold you can hold my hand too if you want," Eijiro suggested.

Mina's face tinted a darker pink as she reached out and grabbed Eijiro's hand.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries

Picture taken from @everypanelofkatsuki, thank you for all your hard work! Go check them out if you haven’t!

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primofate · 11 months

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Confessions Series - Part 1: Overheard [Genshin Impact Male Characters]

Note: Welp I had the itch to write again so here I am. Though sleep deprived because baby keeps waking up every 3 hours to feed... I wanted to do this haha. Based on @soulprompts “I love you” prompts. What other character should I do?

Warnings: haven’t written in a while please excuse and tell me about pronoun slips, I’m sleep deprived, not proofread, some are just concepts of liking someone, having a crush on them, while some are full blown love confessions. SOME ARE ANGSTY, chose only the male characters I wanted to write for instead of forcing myself to do all of them.

Characters: Aether, Albedo, Alhaitham, Ayato, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Itto, Kaeya, Scaramouche, Xiao, gn!reader

Other works in this series: (Part 2 - Description)

Scenario: Talking to a friend about how you feel about him. Unbeknownst to you, he was listening, hidden round the corner. What does he do?

Aether

“He’s sweet,” You simply answer when asked what you like about Aether. “I mean, he’s a simple guy. He’s not a mystery, it’s not hard to read him nor to get along with him. I guess that’s one of the reasons why a lot of people like him.”

“Uhuh,” your friend drawls, their head lazily resting on their hand. “but you don’t just like Aether. You seriously LIKE him,”

You’re rendered speechless by the statement for a second, tripping over your first words, “Well--I mean--” and as if realizing you’re making a fool of yourself by speaking in garbles, you recover. “Yeah, I guess...” You don’t know why you admit to it, but it’s not like your friend didn’t already know.

What he does:

Is tempted to immediately walk up to you and reconfirm the conversation.

Stops himself for a minute and replays the whole conversation in his head, probably once, twice and maybe a third time.

Second guesses himself, but when he finally goes through all possible options, he realizes there’s no mistaking the overheard confession.

All the while, Paimon is nagging him to go talk to you. “You didn’t hear wrong! Stop thinking too much, hurry and go!” Ends up being pushed out into the open by his flying companion.

“Erm...Ahem” he coughs into his fist. “I...didn’t mean to eavesdrop...Y/N, sorry, but... can we continue this conversation somewhere else? Somewhere...a little more private?” and the shy smile he gives you is a tell tale sign that he had most likely felt the same.

Albedo

“His schedule is always busy. He has his hands full with Klee, on top of all the work he needs to do,” was your excuse to your friend when asked why you haven’t confessed to the alchemist yet. “I don’t think Albedo has time for this type of thing, you know? He doesn’t need a distraction.”

What he does:

His logical side agrees that he doesn’t need a distraction.

But the other part of him doesn’t mind if its you.

Pauses for a moment, thinks about it for a second, before confronting you about it just minutes later.

“...Schedules can be made flexible, Y/N,” you jump at his sudden voice. “Just as distractions...can sometimes be a good thing,” Albedo stretches a hand out to you. “...Care to test how good of one you can be to me?”

Alhaitham

“Y/N, Alhaitham is FAR from stupid. There’s no way he hasn’t figured out that you have a crush on him,”

“Shush!!” You swerve around to your friend, ducking a little, as if that would help you become invisible. “People could be listening, besides, if that’s true, then it’s even worse. It means that he knows, and probably has no interest in me, so let’s just forget about it, ok?”

What he does:

..................................No he doesn’t know. Sure he’s smart but............he could be dense when it came to these things. That, or he just didn’t know what to do.

Does not confront you about it immediately. In fact he turns around and walks away without being spotted, opting to think about his next steps instead of just rushing into the conversation.

Lo and behold a few days later he’ll show up in front of you with his usual stoic expression.

“Y/N,” he starts, and you freeze on the spot, looking up at him, blinking.

“Y-Yes?” You haven’t seen nor heard from him in days and as usual, you attributed it to him being busy. Little did you know that he had been mulling over how to talk to you.

“I heard your conversation with (your friend) the other day,” straightforward was his answer to everything, even in this particular situation.

It takes you a few seconds to internalize his words. You’re not even sure which conversation he means. You talk to (your friend) a lot. Your brows start to furrow in confusion, until he clarifies.

“...I wouldn’t say that I completely have no interest in you,” he starts, and your shoulders tense up, now realizing which conversation it was. You could feel your cheeks start to burn, all you wanted to do was run away.

Alhaitham holds back a sigh, “...Anyway, here is no place to talk about this... I’ll meet you at Puspa Cafe tonight, if you’re free,”

You’re FAR from stupid too, and knew exactly what he was trying to do.

Ayato

“Besides why would the Lord Commissioner even look at someone like me?” you hiss at your friend who was trying to persuade you that Ayato also had the hots for you. It just seemed a little delusional to you.

“He takes the chance to rile you up every time he sees you. He’s obviously doing it on purpose,” your friend counters. You roll your eyes up to high heaven.

“He does that to everyone...” you conclude, knowing that Ayato had the habit of--though you don’t know if intentionally--giving his servants a scare.

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to be so jealous,” your friend quips back, you send them a quick glare before going back to doing your own work.

What he does:

Doesn’t even bat an eye. Smirks as he hears the whole story.

Confidently reveals his presence to the two of you, chuckling.

“Jealousy doesn’t usually paint a beautiful colour,” he starts, the overly pleasant smile on his face. You straighten up immediately, eyes changing into saucers when you realize he had heard the whole thing. You open your mouth to explain, but he beats you to it.

“But I must say it looks a little different on you, Y/N, almost charming,” The side of his lip quirks up the slightest bit into a subtle grin. You bite your lip, there he is again trying to rile you up, maybe (your friend) was right.

“...Is there anything I can do for you Lord Commissioner?” you ask, trying to stray away from the subject. He only chuckles.

“You’ll find that there are a LOT of things you can do for me, Y/N. Start by accompanying me to tea, hm?” He wasn’t really asking, it was almost a command.

You wished your friend snickering on the side would just shut up.

Cyno

“...He’s a little intimidating don’t you think? I don’t know why you like him so much,” your friend comments, slacking off on their pile of paperwork. You roll your eyes at them.

“Maybe because he works hard, unlike other people,” you shake your head a little.

“As General Mahamatra he’s supposed to work hard. Just admit that you have weird tastes.” your friend counters, still procrastinating on their share of work.

“Okay, so what if he’s a little vicious in his ways? He’s just doing his job. Now, it would help me if you started doing yours as well,”

What he does:

Doesn’t know what to do.

Stands hidden for quite a long time. The subject has already moved on and away from him.

Torn between revealing himself now or later.

Can’t think properly so exits from the situation and comes back later that same day, when you’re still working with your friend.

As he approaches your table, your friend notices him first. (Your friend) nudges you with their elbow, tilting their chin up to let you know that someone was approaching.

You pick your head up, and feel yourself go rigid when you see that it’s Cyno. At first you think to yourself that he might not be here to talk to you, maybe he’s just about to walk by...but he stops in front of your table and you’re left to wordlessly look up at him.

There’s a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever.

“...I value the high praise that you give me,” he starts and you immediately want to duck under the table and hide.

He heard.

“O-Oh, G-General Mahamatra, you heard that...It’s...nothing, hard work deserves to be praised...” you avert your gaze down to the papers you were working on, pretending to continue and be busy with them.

There was an awkward pause, your eyes darting up towards him for a second, checking if he was still looking at you, before breaking away again and furiously flipping through papers.

“...Do you want to play some TCG?”

“Huh?” You end up with an incredulous look on your face, trying to gauge if he was serious. His face is still blank, but the usual tenseness in the way he carried himself gave way for a barely seen relaxation. It was hard to spot, but it was there.

You ended up sighing a little in what you could only describe as relief, giving him a lopsided smile. “Sure, but go easy on me, I haven’t played in a while,”

“That’s fine. Perhaps a daily practice session will do you good,”

Dainsleif

“Mysterious, aloof, disappears into thin air... A man like that? You probably should stay away, Y/N. You don’t know what he dabbles in,” (Your friend) warns, looking at you with genuine concern.

“Perhaps he has some secrets...but I don’t think he’s a bad guy at all. I’ve spent some time conversing with Dainsleif here and there,” you continue to wipe the tables, not noticing that the man you were talking about had long entered the tavern already and was now standing behind the two of you.

“At least he’s handsome, there’s that,” (Your friend) adds.

“Sure, but that’s not the only reason I like him,” you laugh.

What he does:

Wonders if he heard the conversation right and overanalyzes what you mean by “like” him.

Either way it stirs a strange emotion in him, one that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

Prefers to get things over with and thinks there’s no harm in confronting you immediately.

You hear someone clear their throat behind you. Thinking that it was a customer you turn around with a pleasant smile, only for it to slowly dwindle down into a shocked expression.

Dainsleif.

“Y/N,” he nods his head towards you casually. You gulp, force a smile, and nod back. “Hi, you’re early today,” just as your friend slips away from the conversation. Dainsleif doesn’t even spare them a glance.

He doesn’t have much to say about your comment of him being early. He doesn’t particularly know why he was early today either. Perhaps...fate would have him hear the conversation between you and (Your friend).

“Yes, well, it looks like there were benefits to being early today,” he meets you eye to eye, the intensity in his gaze almost makes you blush from your neck all the way up to the top of your head, but you fought the giddiness back.

“...What can I get you?” there’s a shiver that threatens to run up your spine, wondering if your deflection was successful. Dainsleif closes his eyes momentarily, before opening them with a strange sense of courage.

“Your company,”

Diluc

“It’s been years,” (Your friend) says, the two of you looking up at the massive oak tree of Windrise. They glance at you from the side of their eye before continuing. “Are you still in love with Diluc?”

There’s a breeze that passes, almost melancholic, and partly whispered of sorrow. “...I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.” You pick your hand up to rub at your arm. “Jean, Kaeya, Diluc and I...So many things have changed since we were kids...but I don’t think that spot for Diluc will ever go away,”

“Does he know, at least?” (Your friend) asks and you half scoff.

“I’m not sure, I get the feeling he does, but doesn’t act on it. Which is why...maybe the only way to solve this emptiness is to leave Mondstadt altogether.”

“Out of sight, out of mind huh?” (Your friend) claps your back, and turns around to start walking away with you.

What he does:

Internally a mess of emotions. Doesn’t know where to start.

but he’s just standing there and he’s stuck watching (your friend) and you turn around to come face to face with him.

He looks at you, a wave of memories and emotions flashing through his mind all at once, it almost overwhelms him.

“D-Diluc,” you stutter, heart freezing in your chest. You see him take a steadying breath in, prying his gaze away from you and over to (Your friend).

“(Your friend), could you give us a minute?” he asks. (Your friend) obliges, passing you a quick glance before going ahead on their own. Another breeze runs by, ruffling his long red hair.

“...I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” you start, and yet he doesn’t say anything, prompting you to continue talking. “...You don’t have to think about it too much, it’s just silly--”

“I wasn’t sure,” he cuts you off, eyes drawn to the ground now. “I wasn’t sure...if you really felt that way.”

The statement somehow exasperates you. “You weren’t sure? All those times I stayed by your side when everyone else left--” then it hits you. “Or were you scared, Diluc?”

The quick grimace in his expression tells you the answer. His reply comes a few seconds later, “I was, I still am,” but he picks his head up, and finally looks you straight in the eye. “...but this time...” his fists clench on his side. “This time give me the chance to show you how much I really care about you,”

He was not going to lose you too.

Itto

“Seriously?! Itto? Arataki Itto? Are you for real?” (Your friend) announces to nearly half of the food stall, the other customers swerving around to look at the two of you.

"Oh, say it a bit louder why don’t you?” You roll your eyes at your friend and continue eating.”

“Sorry. I just--Out of all the people you could choose, your huge crush is on that big brute??” your can tell by the look on your friend’s face that they think you have weird tastes.

What he does:

Butts in without even thinking of the conversation. Has no clue what’s going on.

“Crush?!”

You and your friend startle, swerving around to see none other than the oni with his hands on his hips. “Y/N?! You planning on crushing me?!” then he guffaws with laughter, slapping his knees in the process. “Yeah right, you’re no match for me!”

Your previously gaped open mouth slowly closes and your shoulders relax, sighing. You’re a little disappointed he doesn’t get it at all. Your friend shakes their head with a long sigh. “You stupid oaf, we don’t mean it that way...”

Itto’s head tilts sideways, a genuinely confused look on his face. “No? Then... Watcha all talkin about?”

You grab your friend’s arm and pull them forward the slightest bit. “It’s not important! Actually, we better get going--”

“Y/N has a CRUSH on you, idiot! Y/N LIKES you!” Your friend explodes, patience long gone.

Itto blinks at the confession, his eyes darts towards you, “...Oh,” then there’s the slight tugging at his chest, he can’t help but beam and smile silly. “Yeah? You’re not too bad yourself Y/N! I like you too!”

You’re not sure if he really understood the confession in its entirety.

Kaeya

“It’s all just fun and games with Kaeya. It doesn’t mean anything,” you laugh sheepishly, yet you rub the back of your neck a little.

“...Do you want it to be just fun and games?” your friend chides, and there’s a moment of silence. The two of you just sitting there already knowing the answer, it’s almost uncomfortable, until your friend sighs.

“...Let’s change the subject,”

What he does:

responds immediately. Will not wait a second longer to come out of his hiding place and ask about what he just heard.

“How about let’s not?” Kaeya emerges out of nowhere, slipping into the seat next to you at the cafe. His poise is confident and instantly his head lazily places itself into the palm of his hand, gaze lingering at you.

“Snowflake, I had no idea you felt like that,” his voice is smooth like ice and you bite your lip to keep yourself from saying something stupid.

“...I didn’t say anything though?” you countered, trying to evade the conversation. Your friend watches on with interest.

“Silence speaks volumes, Y/N,” Kaeya scoots even closer to you, your shoulders touching each other. However, he maneuvers his arm around to lay on the seat behind you. “So if you’re opposed to what I’m about to do, better speak up,”

He leans closer, inch by inch, he waits for you to say something.

You stay silent.

He grins.

Scaramouche

“Hat guy? He’s brutal. But who am I to comment on your tastes, Y/N. You’ve always been weird,” (Your friend) chides, watching as you go over the bookshelf again.

“Stop calling him that,” You murmur under your breath, more focused on finding the right book for your research. “That’s not his only distinctive feature, you know,” you continue, still engrossed in looking for a book.

“Oh? What else are his “distinctive features”?” (Your friend) drawls, rolling their eyes.

You hum a little, then plop on the ground cross-legged, wanting to get a better look on the last row of books of the Akademiya’s library. “...His eyes,” you simply answer. “They’re a beautiful shade of violet-blue...He’s always glaring at someone half of the time but he actually has very pretty eyes,”

There’s silence and you finally get the peace you need to concentrate. However, that silence is broken by a voice that you know all too well.

What he does:

is amused.

thinks its cute pathetic.

will still look angry but will have a hard time actually being angry.

will be cocky.

“My eyes, huh?”

It’s hard to completely turn around in your sitting position, so you do the best you can to turn, side eye landing on Scaramouche’s form. He has his arms crossed as usual, but there’s a smug smirk on his face. “Didn’t know it was that fascinating to you, bookeater,”

It was supposed to be an insulting nickname for you, who always had your nose in a book, but you took no offense to it at all.

You didn’t know what to say, so you continued staring at him. He being the anti-social person that he was, just stared back. There was a big gap of silence before he felt that it was becoming too awkward.

“...What’re you looking for?” he blurted out.

“...A book...”

“Are you stupid? Of course you’re looking for a book. I meant what’s the title?” There his usual sneer was back again and he unfolded his arms to look at you unimpressively.

“...A History of Inazuma: Volume 2...” you meekly replied, slowly realizing that he actually heard you praising him.

“You’re in the wrong section,” the exasperated sigh he gives out causes you to wince, and you turn away back to the bookshelf as if to shield you from all this embarrassment.

“If it’s about Inazuma, you should just be asking me,” you blink as your peripheral catches sight of an outstretched hand. You tilt your head to see that he’s offering his hand, but his face is blank.

“...Well? Come on. I don’t have all day,”

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling, something about the way he said it sounds threatening, but also slightly playful. But that’s just the way he was.

You accept his hand, and he pulls you up easily.

Xiao

“Oh so that’s why you’re coming over more frequently...” (Your friend) grins, and you wave your hands around to tell them to quiet down. Adepti had good hearing after all.

“Well, I’m also coming over cause Verr Goldet needs more help these days in the kitchen. You guys are getting so much customers these days that Yanxiao has a hard time by himself,”

“Uhhuuhhhhhh, sure...was it also Verr Goldet who told you to try and master the Almond Tofu recipe from Yanxiao? Cause you’re awfully hell bent on trying to learn that recipe, according to Yanxiao,”

You fall silent, feeling heat crawling up your neck. “I--” You start, searching for an excuse, but realized there was no escaping this one. “I just want to do something nice for Xiao, that’s all,” you innocently quip. “I...I know I can’t help him much, but maybe just cooking his favourite dish will help, even a little,”

(Your friend) smiles a little, knowing that the adepti probably heard everything. “That’s nice of you, Y/N. You must care about him a lot,”

What he does:

once upon a time he would do absolutely nothing. because getting involved with humans is something he shouldn’t do.

But now he bides his time, and observes if it’s safe to open up.

He wouldn’t outright thank you at first, but he’ll slowly show up in front of you a little more everyday.

He’s rather awkward, so at first he only nods his head as thanks when you leave the bowl of almond tofu on the ledge.

Eventually when he realizes you’re not going to stop cooking for him he goes the extra mile to do something simple for you too.

He places a stalk of your favourite flower on the ledge, right before you come to put down his bowl of almond tofu.

I’ve published The Ruthless Prince (Reader x Scaramouche) on paperback. Check it out here:

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#alhaitham x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #diluc x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact fluff #scaramouche x reader #cyno x reader #ayato x reader #genshin impact fanfiction

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ambreiiigns · 1 year

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more whining i need to see my therapist sorry

#oh nay #i also just finished reading no longer human and i feel like that is kinda. giving me a kick to express shit. in a way #you know????? idk it feels like that unlocked something or gave me a push i didn't have #like why do i always always always feel at fault no matter what i do no matter where i am why do i always feel like i'm making everything #worse for everyone. i don't know if i've ever asked myself why this is #it's always like. it's just how it is #after enough therapy it did turn into. i feel like that and i'm wrong and it's insane to feel like that #like i can absolutely see how it's so unfair of me to see everything like that. and occasionally i can be like. no that is Wrong you're #doing nothing wrong it's alright or even. You Deserve Something‚ Actually #but idk i feel wuite helpless rn. i feel really bad i really do #i kinda just want my mom to hug me a lot right now i wish it wasn't only monday i wish it was the weekend so i could go back home and stay #w her some time. we didn't see each other much this weekend she was busy and she was sad abt it when i left #she was in the shower when i had to leave and she was sad couldn't say goodbye properly. said she was sad bc we didn't spend time together #and this is weird. she's not really sentimental like that. she's being a lot sweeter #wonder if it's because she misses me. bc i think i feel sweeter for her rn bc i miss her maybe it's the same for her #or maybe. more frightening. she's being sweeter bc of uni. bc i'm doing something that's making her happy and proud. so purposefully or not #she's kinda like. rewarding me w being sweet. and maybe she wouldn't do this/won't do it again if uni were out of the picture #she'll come here tomorrow. she has to bring my brother to guitar school. i don't know if we'll get to see each other actually #i told her i really hope we do meet up but now i don't know if i want her to? like i either lie abt the house. and don't bring it up. or??#if i can talk to someone and have good news i'll tell her. if i get bad news idk. i probably tell her either way. i've hardly ever kept #secrets w her so. if i don't hear anything abt the situation i just don't bring it up until i know more i think #god what the fuck did they put in mother/daughter relationships #the point is. i wish i could forgive myself for being a person i think. i wish i could just accept that i exist #and that my mom made me exist so she gotta deal w me no matter what and if i wrong her it's on her as much as it is on me #but also it isn't. also it's just on me. but she has to deal w it anyway #i'm no good and even when i'm any good it's nothing special it's just the bare minimum and i shouldn't celebrate it #this is not like. an affirmation this is just. me putting into words something that i feel so i can perceive it. i'm not being edgy and #negative for the sake of it. + if anyone reads this and tries to comfort me by being like noo you're good you're great i might kill u #like thank you for the thought but it really does not make me feel any better so i appreciate it but fr do not say anything of the sort it #just makes me cry harder i mean it

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dog-girl-zezora · 2 years

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#personal #i can tell im out of sorts in many ways #... i Feel like i should be Ok and normal #but any normal person would say im going through some shit #so im trying to reason with myself #to not push too hard.#we have so much going on.#one step. one step. one more step #... its stress #of course youre not gonna be normal #you lost your job and arr changing every single way of your life in a week or two.#what part of that isnt stressful #you feel off. because you should feel Bipolar. you should feel depressive.#you should feel manic. you should feel rage #it is a miracle you only feel slightly off. and you know that.#... sigh.#... and youre looking for comfort... and its not there always... and youre still only off #its incredible. you could be so much worse.#I don't know how to Handle feeling Off....#... its a strange middle area. its grey. i feel uneasy but nothing extreme. but i cant focus as well. and im tired.#... its hard to do things when i want to and i just #we need the stress to stop #... a week or two more. baby girl we can do that.#i prefer this Off feeling. to the debilitating Everything Hurts feeling. however it still feels wrong.#we want to complain and also cuddle and cry maybe a little bit.#mmm.

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obbystars · 24 days

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It hurts to be something, it’s worse to be nothing with you.

NOTES: dividers by @cafekitsune !!

( Written before 2.2 / Kinda short tbh / Boothill may be OOC / not really angst as it turns into fluff tbh / I blame this / title was chosen because I was listening to the song at the time / GN!Reader )

It took a while for Boothill to even get used to this new life, or new body. Every time he looked at himself, he’s reminded of what was stolen from him. For a time, he hated his body. He sometimes wished he stayed dead. He feels so cold. He didn’t… He never wanted this, though as time passed, he grew accustomed to it. He eventually accepted it, but it never stopped those thoughts from worming their way back into his head.

He doesn’t quite feel… human. Nothing about him truly felt human.

“Boothill? You still there?” The voice was barely above a whisper.

“Hm?”

The gentle beating of a heart entered his ears. He felt warm. He felt a warm hand gently rubbing his face. Another hand was playing with a few strands of his hair before it was now gently brushing it. He opened his eyes, finding himself in an all too familiar room. One he had always looked forward to going back to once he finally had time to spare.

And underneath him? His favorite person, of course. Someone he always looked forward to seeing again, to spending more time with. He looks up at you, and you took note of his expression.

“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you up?”

He shook his head, burying his face into your chest and closing his eyes again, “No, no ya didn’t... Don’t worry ‘bout it,”

His arms were wrapped securely around your waist, trapping you in bed with him. You wiggled around in his grip for a bit to get a bit comfortable, resulting in you having to move him further up. His face was now in the crook of your neck.

Was he crushing you? Surely if he was, you would’ve said something or even tried to nudge him away. Were you cold? He hoped not… You did sometimes push him off of you because he was too cold. Sometimes he wishes he could provide you the warmth you always give him, but it’s not like he can feel it anywhere else other than his face. He hated that.

“You okay?” You questioned, your voice snapping him back to reality.

His answer was only a faint hum this time. He feels your hand brush his hair again, and you swear you can just feel him melt under your touch. It surprised you sometimes. A brash, flamboyant Galaxy Ranger, always full of energy and ready for the next journey across the stars almost turning into mush once your hands meet him. It was something you picked up on very quickly, and it didn’t take as long for you to realize why he reacts this way.

“Does it bother you?”

Your hands stop moving through the white strands, “Does what bother me?”

“This… My body. Does it-”

“No. Not at all,” you suddenly cut in, “You get cold sometimes, but that doesn’t bother me. Why do you ask?”

“…it’s nothin’,”

You turn your head to face him, nuzzling him knowing he can feel you there, “Well… It definitely is something, but… Whenever you’re ready, I’m all ears,”

He can feel you gently press a kiss on his head, and another, and another, and another. The only place where he can feel you, and you were practically showering him with small kisses.

He feels warm, especially when he’s with you. Maybe that’s why he always looks forward to moments like this with you because for once, even if it’s just for a moment, he feels human.

ehhh, this felt better in my head but oh well, I just really wanted to write Boothill

I don’t regularly post fics or hcs like this but maybe I’ll make a silly side blog for it if I do find myself wanting to write so much more for Boothill ( I literally love him so much )

#it was gonna be a frank sinatra lyric but it turned into laufey #i love laufey #the frank sinatra one was gonna be and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you #it sounded nice #honkai star rail boothill #hsr boothill #boothill x reader #boothill #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #star rail #hsr x reader

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inconveniently-discorporated · 9 months

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My heart hurts so bad for Aziraphale because I can honestly just relate to him so, so, so much.

(not putting this one under a cut so warning season 2 ahead, I'll tag it at the bottom too)

Aziraphale says, "Nothing lasts forever," but I don't believe for a second he doesn't wish that it did.

He WANTS things to go back to how they used to be. He WANTS the seraphic Crowley squealing with joy as he cranks up the universal machine and sets the stars aflame. He WANTS there to be no sides, he WANTS to believe in the idea of the host united, he WANTS to go back before Crowley got himself in trouble by asking questions. He wants, I think, to be in that moment of creation and adoration forever.

Change seems to frighten him. There's an aspect of uncertainty. There's an element of chaos, the loss of control. I understand this deeply. And what the Metatron offered him was just that: certainty, control, the ability to dictate his own narrative.

I used to be in a toxic job. On top of it, I had intense anxiety and other undiagnosed neurodivergencies that made it even harder to fit in and understand the untold rules I was supposed to follow to get along. When I first got there, it wasn't so bad -- perhaps I was, like Aziraphale, also a bit idealistic. Then there were some changes that brought instability, significant more anxiety, and a lot of nights spent agonizing over my lack of control over it all.

My friends and significant other tried to convince me to leave, but I didn't want to. I didn't know what else was out there. I didn't know if it would be worse. I didn't know what kind of stability it would have.

Then my manager left, so that spot opened up. I had worked there for a long time, and honestly, I never saw myself going into management. I didn't think I could. I wasn't sure I even wanted to. All of that extra stress, on me? Not to mention, getting FURTHER into the job that was taking a massive toll on me? But then...

Then I would have control. Then I could run things the way *I* had always thought they should run. I wouldn't need to worry about who would replace my manager and whether my life would be a living hell -- I would make it what I wanted it to be. Upper management was really pushing for it, so I applied.

To make a long story short: I don't think it went very well. I didn't have the support I needed. I didn't have the emotional skills I needed. I think I did my best, but I'm not fond of those times. At the time, I was SURE that I wanted to move up even more, I was SURE this would make it all better. I thought this was what I REALLY wanted.

But that's not what I needed. What I needed was to get out, and eventually I did. Even as ready as I was to leave, it was absolutely agonizing. I could barely stand to handle the unknown. I was going to work together with my spouse, actually, and I was so excited for that, but I still... I still was upset and worried sick over the dramatic change that would befall my life, after I had made the decision to leave.

That's where I can relate to Aziraphale. I wonder what would've happened if, before I had actually left for good, the head honchos had come up to me and said, "We want to keep you -- how about we offer you (an even higher position)?" -- would I have said no, or would I have wanted to make a difference?

Funny, I said exactly that, too. That's almost why I didn't change jobs in the first place. I said, "But I feel like I'm really making a difference with what I'm doing now." But what pushed me over the edge was realizing that none of that mattered to them, it was all about THEIR control of ME, not the other way around.

I'm so intensely curious to see what happens with Aziraphale next, but I'm sure he will learn what Crowley understands: nothing lasts forever, and sometimes it's good that it doesn't -- even if sometimes we wish it did.

#good omens #gos2 spoilers #good omens meta #Aziraphale analysis

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bridgetoesoteria · 1 month

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💌💟Realistically...What would they write in a love letter to you?

Surpriseee bish! Here is my double post as puh-romised. Its spring break, I aced my midterm, I had a nice lil chit chat with my crush where I high key let on to having feelings . *ahem* Now I wanna smoke and pull cards with my internet besties <3

So, I don't like those mushy-gushy readings that tell you the most ideal outcome, not the most realistic outcome. I am hoping to channel an authentic "letter," from the person you are here for.

Options are left to right. I hope it resonates 🥰

Pile 1

4-card spread: Page of Swords, Girl w/ Violin, Strength, The Sun. BOTD: 3 of Swords

I just want to see you happy. I hope you know that. I miss the feeling of you holding me. I think about all the times, I got to hold your hands in mine. I think you are amazing and angelic. If I ever seem difficult, or like I am pushing you away, its just because I don't want to hurt you even worse. You're the whole package. You can shine with or without me.

If there is still bad blood, I will make it right. At least that's what I think about doing. All the time. Can I step up? Can I really have my happy ending; The car, the house, the family, building a life together. I need to get over my cold feet, because the only person I see is you.

P.S.

I love your eyes. I love how much hope I feel when I look into them. I love your hair, especially the length/thickness. I love how balanced you are, and how you can consider different points of view. It has taught me to be more compassionate. It has taught me to care about someone other than myself. You show me that I can get over my demons. We could be a power couple.

(If you have a "butt chin," your person loves this too lol)

Pile 2

4-card spread: 8 of Swords, 9 of Swords(R), 9 of Wands, The Star. BOTD: The Emperor

This person is definitely very attracted to you, but we are here for a love letter, mkay? Not a sext.

I don't know why you are acting like you don't want me anymore. You better not be giving away my ____ to anyone else. I want to be with you. I consider us to be a couple, no matter what happens. If you question where my head is at, my loyalty is with you. I don't want to see you with anyone else. I hate thinking about you being out there, living like you're single. I think about us having kids, animals, a family life. (If you already have kids they want to keep the family together).

I am working on my temptations. I know I need to be more responsible and I am willing to do that. I want to try having self-control. If that means cutting other people off, or waiting until you are comfortable being physical, I will do that. I respect your boundaries. You have every right to have them. I know you are just trying to love yourself. You should always stand your ground...even with me.

P.S.

You have a beautiful heart. You are so nurturing. You keep everything flowing. You completely fulfill me. You are more than enough. You definitely know what you are doing. I wouldn't have taken you for a "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" type.

Right now, you probably are focusing on yourself. I hope you find the happiness that you are looking for. After pouring into everyone else so much, I hope you will start pouring into you now. I hope you will be receptive to all the good things you deserve.

Pile 3

4-card spread: Ace of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, Page of Cups, The Empress. BOTD: Justice

I can't figure you out. And its...amazing! It keeps everything so fresh. Maybe you don't feel like you are being mysterious but you are. I want to know what goes on "behind-the scene." I don't mean that in a pervy way. I mean, I want to know who you are, where you come from, what is currently going on in your life. I want to make the cut. Do you ever think about what your favorite diamond cut is? 💎

(Where ever your connection is, move up a step. This is not a literal proposal for everyone)

I want us to be on track. If I have to apologize, I will do that. I want to finally start something new. I want to make you feel like the king/queen that you are. I want us to be happy together. Especially if we are expecting 🤰

P.S.

Can I just brag on you really quick? I love your face shape. I love when we lock eyes. I love how you style your hair, even if I have never said so aloud. Even if I tease you about it sometimes. Its cute and so you. Everyone says we (would) go well together, and I have to agree. We could be our town's MGK and Megan Fox 🤣🤣

On a more serious point, you make me want to do better. Internally, I always feel challenged by you. I have my old beliefs, and then there's you. You make me want to throw out all the BS I believe about myself and start valuing myself more. I see how magical life can be, because I see how many miracles happen when we are together. I know I can do better.

Pile 4 4-card spread: 8 of Wands, 10 of Wands, The Emperor, 8 of Swords. BOTD: Ace of Swords.

(Your person could actually be the type to spill their feelings over texts or in the notes section of their phone)

I think about saying this all the time. I build up the courage to start typing, but I can never hit send. I just feel this lump in my throat. I'm a man! (or they are just someone who suppresses their emotions). I shouldn't have all these feelings. I feel overwhelmed by my attraction, my thoughts, my unexpressed feelings.

That's kind of what I grew up with. It was normal. People call it "traditional." I always thought (one of their parents, but I am really getting mom) could do better. Why are you still with them? I don't want that to be you. I don't want that to be our story. You always carry yourself well. I'm proud to be with you. I know you're a catch. I know you are the full package. I can't let you go. Please reconsider. I want to be with you.

P.S.

I hope you're getting rest. Don't lose sleep over me. Which is hypocritical, because I stay up thinking about you. Don't be scared...but I may have watched you sleep. I like how peaceful you look. I feel like I have privacy to fully process my emotions. I look at your face and I think about all the possibilities. It makes me nervous. If I have made a proposal of some kind, maybe to reconcile, I hope you sleep on it before you make a decision.

Pile 5 4-card spread: King of Cups, 4 of Swords, 9 of Wands, The Sun. BOTD: 8 of Swords

I think a lot of you are asking about a feminine energy, but flip the roles if needed. You could be the feminine energy being described, so maybe they want you to know you are "seen". It just started raining, so that makes me feel like this person is definitely more on the feminine side, or in touch with their emotions. You could both be young, or they're younger, or someone has a baby face.

I think about you all the time. Even when I am sad. I don't know if you know how much I struggle. My mental health isn't always in the best place. But you take my mind off of everything. I love when you look deep in thought. I come up with all these random ideas about what you could be thinking of. If you are away getting better, overcoming an ED, I hope you are being strong. I look forward to seeing you again.

You make me so happy. I miss being playful and messing with you. I could see us having babies. I think I would be a great mom/dad. But I know that's daydreaming and wishful thinking. I don't always understand your moods or what you want from me. Could you make it clear without it becoming an argument. I don't want to make you upset.

P.S.

You are soo pretty. I think your haircut really compliments your face. I love your side profile too. You are so smart. You know so much about the world around you or you are always willing to learn. I am impressed by your writing and/or creativity. I love everything about you. If I were an artist, I would make a portrait of you. You would be my muse. I just want you to know how special you are. You are 1 of 1 forreal. I am so grateful to have ever met you. You bring so much joy to my life.

Whew. GD! That was a lot lol. This took me two days. I am going to relax and enjoy the start of Spring Break. Whoop whoop 🙌

And don't laugh at me...but I just discovered archives so I might stop updating my masterlist, since you can find all my readings there too.

Lastly, I am also doing personals if you have not heard! Take a gander.

~ K

#tarotcommunity #tarot reading #tarot #intuitive readings #pick a card #oracle reading #spirituality #oracle cards #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a photo #pick an image #love tarot reading #love reading #relationship reading #free tarot reading #tarotblr #tarot community

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slytherinshua · 4 months

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CHERRY BOWS

genre. fluff. cheol as a dad. warnings. toddler/parent stuff. cheol gets jelly. pairing. husband!scoups x wife!reader. wc. 1k. request. request by @blue-jisungs: you asked for soft hours n i shall give!! it’s been in my mind for a hot while actually but i’m too busy rn to do it myself… and you’re the perfect person bc U MADE ME THINK IF TJAT 🫵🫵 jealous dad seungcheol :( ofc he loves u n ur kid but give him some attention too smh >:T and requested by anon: i love your svt as dads!! they’re all so cute and i’d like to request one for cheol! a/n. i love love love dad cheol omg :( my second dad fic for him hehe <3 hes so girl dad coded and SOOOOO ADORABLE SKDJKS I LOVE HIM!!!!

“You ate without me…?” Cheol’s sleepy mumble was the first thing you heard from him. He had tiredly trudged downstairs when he had woken up and you weren’t next to him in the bed. It was already a bad start to the day when that happened, and he was frowning and pouting and generally sulking about it by the time he found you.

He wrapped his arms around you from the back, trapping you in the middle of the living room so you couldn’t continue without giving him the attention he needed. You smiled at his clinginess and deep raspy morning voice, but scoffed at how baby-like he was in the morning. Sometimes he acted even more like a child than your actual child.

Eunha was your now 2 year old daughter. She was adored by everyone and constantly doted on. She could be a handful at times, but only because she had started to take after your bossiness and knew exactly how to appeal to Seungcheol. If she ever wanted something, all she had to do was look at them with those big boba eyes that she got from him, and he’d be folding.

He loved her more than anything. Probably even more than you, but you were okay with it. It warmed your heart how much he cared for his daughter. He’d die for her in a heartbeat without a second of hesitation. You were learning more and more every day the love a father could hold for his children. You had expected this attitude when you married him, of course. Because you knew him and you knew how caring he was. He was so filled with love for people and the world, and you were so lucky to have him.

Starting a family had always been a dream for both of you, and Eunha’s birth had been your biggest blessing. It was challenging to take care of a toddler, but you and Cheol always did your best.

Eunha was happily playing with her toy dolls after eating breakfast— the entire living room spread with her mess. It was always a constant of cleaning her toys in the evening just for her to make a new mess the next day, but you didn’t mind. It was worth it to see her so happy, and though it could be stressful to have a messy space sometimes, her happy giggles made up for it.

“Were you playing dolls with her without me as well?” Cheol asked, the pout he was wearing somehow finding its way into his tone. You giggled and he squeezed you tighter out of jealousy. He didn’t want to admit that he missed your attention being only on him, but it was true.

You were getting up earlier to feed Eunha and play with her in the morning. The sleepy morning cuddles that Cheol looked forward to every time he fell asleep next to you were becoming rarer and rarer and he felt bitter about the change. It just wasn’t the same with Eunha. It wasn’t worse, it was definitely better in most aspects, but the free time that he had enjoyed before was being sucked away by the little child.

“She wanted me to be the doctor.” You told him, explaining the dynamics of Eunha’s favourite game. She would be the mother to her little baby doll, and either Cheol or you would usually be the doctor.

“The bed was so cold without you…” He murmured, pushing his cheek against your neck. His skin was warm against yours and you leaned into him more, savouring the feeling.

“I’m sorry. You know that Eunha likes to get up early…” You whispered.

“She should’ve woken me up instead of you. Aren’t you tired?”

“A bit. Eating breakfast with her was nice, though. She insisted on having strawberries with her yogurt since she had seen me eat it like that once.” You smiled. Seungcheol pouted.

“I thought I was her favourite…” He was mostly joking, of course, but slightly hurt. He had always been susceptible to jealousy. Maybe he was a little too greedy— he loved watching you and Eunha spend time together, but he also hated being left out.

Your little moment of warm embrace was interrupted after 2 minutes, a giggly Eunha running up and clinging to her father’s leg. She babbled something about her doll and wanting to get ice cream later today, which you were sure Seungcheol would indulge her in. He spoiled her too much.

You were happy to see your husband’s pout lift up into the sweetest of grins. He picked up Eunha, holding her so that she was resting on his hip. He kept one arm around you; almost if you would run away and leave him if he didn’t. Which was probably partially true since you hadn’t cleaned up from breakfast yet.

“Give daddy a kiss?” Cheol asked Eunha, giggles ensuing amongst both of them. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek cutely and you smiled. Now that Seungcheol was awake as well, the two would be inseparable for the rest of the day— especially since Cheol didn’t have any work to get to.

The morning happily proceeded with a small second breakfast and playtime. Now that your husband was being included in every activity, he was all smiles and giggles. He liked being the centre of attention; you had discovered that fact throughout the years. He was the happiest man in the world when he knew he was making his daughter happy.

Her happiness always came first, even when it relied on Seungcheol’s hair being tied up in pigtails with little cherry-coloured bows because Eunha wanted to play hairdresser. You were almost envious of how cute he looked in them. It was impossible not to love everything that Cheol did.

Along with the bows came matching sweaters with a cherry pattern for father and daughter. One look at the two and you could easily declare them the two cutest human beings in the entire world.

↳ svt taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @yeonjuns-redhair,, @ddeonudepressions,, @hannahsophie0103,, @skz-minchan-enthusiast,, @shuabby1994,, @icyminghao,, @98-0603,, @weird-bookworm,, @edensgardenn,, @wonwooz1,, @cyberpunksunwoo,, @cienlvrs,, @amara-mars

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fettuccin-e · 6 months

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Strictly Stress Relief

Kinktober Day 21: Hate Sex

Tags: Javier Peña x Reader, afab!fem!reader, unprotected piv (pls oh pls wrap it irl i'm begging), pulling out method lol, hate fucking, semi-public sex (in a supply closet), slight amounts of pining because i am weak for romance (w/c: 1K)

A/N: Back to Javi because this man is a bastard but damn it I'd really like to bang him like a screen door in a hurricane,, anyway I also couldn't help myself from sliding in a little bit of yearning because I need the romance okay?? (For Kinktober I have been using these prompts from flightlessangelwings!)

Javier doesn’t really know when it started, how it started.

He knows that you just get to him, in ways that he’s never felt before. You dig under his skin with smarmy comments under your breath, going behind his back with intel and planning raids without him involved.

“You’re reckless, Javier,” you say to him as an excuse, even as he looms over you, his jaw clenched with unshed rage. “It’s going to get you, or worse, somebody else, killed.” You're always so cool and collected, like you hadn't just stolen his fucking win.

He knows he drives you crazy with his methods of collecting intel, the girls that he brings in for questioning. He knows that you hate when he breaks protocol, and that you hate it even more when it works.

He knows that when you both used to butt heads, small arguments turning into full screaming matches at the office, he’d go home and drink half a bottle of whiskey, call one of the girls that always lets him treat her exactly how he wants. He’d fuck her rough, violent, working out every single bit of anger you’d stirred up in him that day. Usually, it was enough anger that it left the poor girl with bruises on her hips and a hefty tip in her bag.

What he doesn’t know is how he deviated from that habit, how he’s got you here, right now, pressed up against him in a supply closet of all places. He doesn’t know how he came into this new addiction, turning your arguments into excuses to fuck you anywhere, anytime.

He’s not sure you know how this happened either, but God, the way it feels inside of you makes him not want to fucking worry about it anymore. Your nails dig into his shoulders, a bite of pain that makes everything so much sweeter as he fucks you into the door of the closet.

You’re both making too much noise, but fuck, it doesn’t matter when you whine into his mouth, biting into his bottom lip.

“Fuck, Javi, harder, you have to fuck me harder,” you gasp, one of your legs hitched onto his hip to get him even deeper. The sticky wetness of your cunt is sticking to the wiry hairs at the base of his dick every time he pushes in deep.

“If I fuck you any harder, we’ll break down the goddamn door,” he grunts, but he grabs your hips anyway, pulling you into every one of his thrusts and grinning when you keen, your head tilting back to lean into the door. “Fucking needy, hermosa,” he grins, and you sneer at him.

“If you could fuck me better, maybe I wouldn’t be so needy,” you snarl, moving your hips forward to keep meeting him every time he drives forward.

“You say that I’m not fucking you like you need, baby,” he says, leaning close enough that his lips nearly brush yours. “But the way this pretty pussy is dripping down my cock tells a different story.”

He angles his hips just a little different, pounding up into your cunt, and he knows when he’s found it. That little spot inside that makes your eyes roll back, makes you clamp a hand over your mouth to stifle the way you scream. He slams up into that perfect little spot, over and over and over, relishing in the way you clench around him every time he reaches it.

“Fuck, baby,” he grunts, sweat beading on his forehead, his curls sticking to his skin. “So pretty like this, taking my cock so well. If I knew that this is what I needed to do to shut that smart mouth up, I would’ve been fucking this sweet pussy for months now.”

You gasp around a response, unable to form words as Javier breaks you apart, his cock jamming into parts of you that you can’t even reach on your own. He fucks you like he fights with you; rough, primal, reckless. Strangled groans rip their way from his chest, and fuck, he can feel his orgasm creeping up, threatening to blow him to pieces right then and there.

You have to cum first. He has to make sure you cum first.

He reaches a hand between you both to rub maddening, tight circles into your clit, and God, the way you whine, high in the back of your throat, will haunt his fucking dreams tonight.

You’re goddamn beautiful when you cum, an angel in real time, though Javier will never admit that out loud. This is strictly stress relief. Mind-boggling, life-altering stress relief.

Javier pulls out of you when you shake through the aftershocks of your orgasm, furiously jacking his cock in his hand and gasping at the way you look up at him, all doe-eyed and goddamn beautiful. You moan softly when he splatters his cum all over the outside of your pussy, letting it drip down your skin. It fuels something deep inside him, fills him with a sense of ownership that he should not be fucking feeling.

When you both finally catch your breaths, you pick your skirt up off the ground, yanking it up and over your hips. Javier ignores the fact that you don’t wipe yourself off, that you didn’t tug your panties back on. He absolutely does not think about the fact that his cum will be dripping down your thighs throughout your ride home tonight.

“You should-” you breathe, glancing up at him. “You should follow that intel we got today. You questioned that girl in the first place, it should be your win.” There’s something in the way you say “questioned” that makes his heart beat hard in his chest. It sounds bitter, jealous even.

You break from his gaze, not offering anything more than that as you tug on your heels.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Javier,” you mutter, and you slip out of the closet without another word.

#do i want to smack him or fuck him #the correct answer is both #javier pena x you #javier peña x reader #javier pena x reader #javier pena smut #javier peña x female reader #javier pena fanfiction #narcos smut #narcos fanfiction

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squirmhoney · 4 months

Text

ALL ALONE AT CHRISTMAS

Requested by @queenofthekeep ♡ Pairing: Aegon Targaryen x Reader Warning: Smut. incest. Angst. Arguing. 18+ MDNI A/N:we’ve had a very late start to Christmas today. So even though I know a lot of you won’t see this, I thought I’d grace your Christmas Day with this soft smut❤️ Merry Christmas guys 🎄

“One job,” you shouted, throwing the tickets onto the counter. “It was the one thing I let you do and you fucked it.”

All you wanted was to tear your hair out in frustration, not knowing who you should be angry with, Aegon for booking the wrong tickets or yourself for thinking that he could be given that much responsibility.

Aegon’s lips opened, unable to get a syllable out before you were screaming at him again.

“Don’t,” you told him, putting your hand out. “I’m stuck here for Christmas because you booked the wrong flight.”

“We,” Aegon stated, standing up from his seat. He made his way over to you, hands coming up to cup your cheeks. “I’m here as well.”

You pushed his hands away, “Don’t. Just don’t.”

Aegon’s face dropped at this, a frown covering his face as he retreated away from you. He was at an end with you, back to square one like he had been months ago. All the phone calls, messages and constant reassurance on his end felt like it was for nothing. Had he really spent months patching things up between him and you, just for him to fuck it up over booking the wrong flights.

Yes, he had booked the wrong flights on purpose. But this isn’t how he planned things turning out, you weren’t supposed to get this upset. Well, at least not in his head.

Things couldn’t get any worse, until they did.

Christmas should be spent with your family, not just with your older brother. Especially not one like Aegon. To add to your Christmas nightmare, the power had cut out in Aegon’s apartment, leaving you both curled up on the couch wrapped under an array of blankets trying desperately to keep warm.

“You can get a bit closer,” Aegon said from the other end of the couch.

You were shivering, trying to hide your chattering teeth by biting down on your t-shirt. Even with how cold you felt, goosebumps covering your skin, you didn’t want to let him know that.

“Seriously, you’re freezing over there.”

In the candle light Aegon saw your eyes look up at him, narrowing your eyes at him with a coldness he had only seen once before.

He sighed, shaking his head. “Is it always going to be like this?”

“Like what?”

“This distance between us, not just physically but in every way shape and form,” he snapped out, throwing his head back.

“It’s good,” you paused for a second, drawing your legs further in. “To have space.”

You could feel him rolling his eyes even if you couldn’t see it.

“Space is good.” You squeezed your knees to your chest. “It’s healthy.”

“Here we go again.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

“I thought we were over it. I’ve apologised, I’ve kept my distance, I’ve phoned and texted at the right times. What else can I do?”

“You kissed me,” you shouted at him, a croak in the back of your throat. Realising the sound of your own voice, you looked around the darkness as if someone could hear you. “And you can’t do that.”

“If I remember correctly, you kissed me back.”

“You’re delusional.”

He huffed and when he spoke again you could hear the tears lodged in his airways, begging to spill. “Fuck you.” It was shaky, full of pain that you both shared.

“I’m your sister, Aegon. Can’t you see how fucked up it is?”

“You don’t think I know.” He stood up, taking a step away from you. “I hate myself for feeling this way but I can’t help it.”

“It’s sick,” as soon as the words slipped from your mouth, you regretted them. But maybe it’s what he needed to hear, what you both needed to hear.

“You act so fucking high and mighty,” he stormed around the room, in the darkness where he wasn’t visible to you. “Like you weren’t a part of this. Like you don’t feel the way I feel.”

“I don’t-”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Christmas wasn’t meant to be spent in silence but for the most part it had been.

Both you and Aegon had put on glowing smiles for your family when you called, making up lies about how you both were enjoying yourselves. In reality you had been looking at the earliest flight you could catch to get yourself out of there but there weren’t any for a few more days.

Eventually your phone died and the sun went down, meaning all you could do was stare up into the darkness as you curled up on the couch. You were still cold, the layers of blankets not doing much to help. You were glad for the friendly neighbour that dropped off an array of candles, the apartment being less depressing than it had been.

In the silence of it all you could only think about Aegon as you were sure he was thinking about you. He had been hauled up in his room, giving you the silent treatment. The only time you had really seen him he was puffy eyed and pale in the face, barely able to look at you.

You hated him for it. The way your stomach dropped at the sight of him, so distraught and how your eyes could barely look up from your knees to meet his face. With every second that passed you felt your chest tightening more, the silent tears unable to alleviate the weight that was holding you down.

You weren’t sure of the time when you next saw Aegon. Maybe minutes had passed since the sun had set, maybe even hours. But for some reason you felt stuck in the passage of time, as if you didn’t do something, you’d never leave that apartment. Maybe that was just an excuse.

Nothing really mattered to you when Aegon opened his bedroom door, finding you standing on the other side. You stood there contemplating for a while on what to do or what you were going to say. All you managed to think of was…

“I was cold,” your voice was quiet, barely audible. You looked up at him, that tight feeling in your chest snapped and you had to bite down on your bottom lip to keep your tears at bay.

He was so close you could feel the heavy breaths he was taking, his chest almost touching yours. You couldn’t help but place your hand against his bare skin, wanting to ease the pain and sadness you were both feeling.

When his hands cupped your cheeks, you accepted it. The pads of his thumb wiping at your wet skin, saying the things that you knew he was clearly too scared to say. But his lips said much more when they reached down to yours, hovering a centimetre away from you.

It was a brush of lips when you closed the distance, delicate and fearful of one another’s rejection. You sobbed into his lips after a second, hands wrapping around his neck as you latched yourself onto him.

That feeling in your chest finally eased when he pulled you into his room, wrapping an arm around your waist. Your bodies moved on instinct, sinking into each other as you clumsily travelled over to his bed. When your foot stumbled on something, Aegon was quick to stop you from falling, snatching you up and throwing you onto his bed.

You didn’t even know if it was you or him stripping you of your clothes, all you knew was that you were both desperate, tearing them from your body. Before you knew it you were chest to chest, bare against each other and completely vulnerable. His hands roamed your sides, not taking any time as he grabbed at the flesh, almost violently as if he was trying to bruise your skin, leaving his mark for everyone to see.

“Aegon,” it slipped out in a moan when he grinded his hips into yours, his arousal clear to feel through his boxers. Your legs opened wider, wrapping around his waist to rub yourself up at him. “Please.”

There was a wetness that had pooled between your thighs, one that Aegon could probably feel through his boxers. You were sure of it when he pressed himself flush against you, his stiff cock nudging at you as much as it could.

You were breathless when his lips finally retreated from yours, only to latch onto your neck, sucking at the skin of your throat. You weren’t sure how you’d explain the marks he was surely leaving, purple and pink, but that was the last thing you wanted to think of when his tongue lazily trailed over your skin.

You didn’t realise how much he moved till you felt his hand press against you, dragging his fingers around your soaked cunt. You gasped out, throwing your head back at the sensation as his fingers began to play with you. The swirling in your stomach was unfamiliar to you but it only grew with each drag of his fingers against you. He was barely doing anything but you were a mess, hands clawing at the sheets beneath you.

When he finally slipped a finger in, you shuddered, only for him to push a second finger in with complete ease. Your pussy sucked him in with each thrust and the moan that fell from your lips made him smile against your skin.

Was this what you had been depriving yourself of? Months of battling with unfamiliar feelings, only for you to cave just like this. Had it all been for nothing.

“Aegon, it’s-” you were babbling, unable to finish your words as you let out a harsh breath.

Your walls squeezed him when you came, back arching off the bed as you felt yourself squirting onto his abdomen. All your thighs wanted to do was close, wriggling around as you tried to escape his touch out of pure embarrassment. But he wasn’t letting you go, grip tightening around you as he yanked you further down onto the bed.

In the candle lit room, you could barely see what he was doing but you didn’t need to see it. Not when you felt the tip of him press against your folds, hard and wet as he pushed it around, lubing himself up.

“Aegon,” you pleaded, tears lodged in your throat as you lifted your leg around him. “Please, I need you.”

He kissed you again, inhaling your very being with just one kiss.

“I love you,” it came out in a broken cry that vibrated through your whole chest.

“Say it again,” he demanded, sliding his cock against you.

Even though you were still terrified of his rejection, worried that after all this he could still push you away, you said it again, “I love you.”

The next kiss was hungrier than the last, teeth clashing against each other as he pressed himself fully against you and finally pushed himself into you. You both moaned into each other at this, your hands clawing at his back to get closer to him, if that was even possible.

When he finally lifted his head, giving you space to breathe, he finally said, “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

With that you let out a sharp breath you didn’t realise you had been holding.

It felt like sweet torture the way Aegon thrusted into you, each brush of his cock inside your walls was like a new kind of ecstasy that you couldn’t understand. He was savouring the moment, that much you could tell, enjoying the way your thighs shook with each harsh snap of his hips and your walls clenched around him begging for more.

The way he fucked you was as if he was still trying to stretch you out, get you ready for what was really about to take place. Even though you weren’t sure if you were ready for it, you were gasping for it, on the verge of crying if he didn’t give you what you so desperately craved right then.

“You need something, baby?” Aegon taunted from above you, lifting one of your thighs to sit between your bodies.

You gave him a small nod, all you felt like you could manage.

“I need you to tell me,” Aegon lifted the other legs now, the angle allowing him to reach deeper inside of you. “Speak for me.”

“I can’t,” you gulped, shaking your head at him.

“How am I supposed to know what you want?”

“Please,” tears slid down your cheeks as he delivered a violent thrust. “I-I just n-need more.”

Aegon slowly pulled out from you, making you whine when his tip sat at your entrance. But before you knew it was sinking back into your walls, snapping his hips into yours with a vicious rage that he clearly had been holding back on.

Your thighs were shaking at this, unable to keep down each moan that fell from your lips until he pressed his lips against yours. Only for a moment though, letting out a groan of his own as he curved himself into you.

“You like this,” Aegon stated, grinning against your cheek. “No. No.”

You were so delirious, you could barely focus on his words.

“You love this.”

You clenched around him at this, your cunt clearly agreeing with him.

“As much as I do.”

Your eyes widened, feeling that familiar pressure in your stomach ready to snap. With the way your walls were squeezing him, you were sure that Aegon could tell, holding your face in place so he could watch this time.

“Please,” he pleaded with you, eyes latched onto yours.

You came for him, walls pulsating around him as the ecstasy spread across your skin. His lips only became more frantic after that, keeping you hooked on that feeling as he chased his own orgasm. One more clench from your cunt, had him spilling into you finally. He sighed as he rocked his hips against yours, making sure to feel you up completely with every last drip of his cum.

He slipped out of you with a sharp hiss, collapsing on top of you right after. Your breathing was still harsh as you fell slack against the bed, mind starting to become clear. You didn’t want that, not wanting to think of the consequences of what you both had truly done. Not right then at least.

But Aegon was already softening against you.

“I don’t want to stop,” you whispered.

“Hmm- What was that?” Aegon asked, shifting to hover above you.

You were getting choked up again as reality began to hit you, “I-”

“It’s okay,” Aegon was quick to reassure you, rolling you both over so you were resting on his chest. “You just gotta trust me.”

You buried your head into his neck, letting him soothe you as his hand rubbed your back.

“Do you trust me?”

“I trust you.”

#aegon targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen smut #aegon targaryen imagine #dark aegon smut #aegon targaryen ii x you #dark aegon targaryen #squirmhoneysmutmas

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lovingmattysposts · 4 months

Note

first i just wanna say i LOVEEEEE your writing so so much. the first time series w chris is so fucking good its just so cute and goofy how she's so clueless and he teaches her everything w no judgement but its still hot as fuck??????? i cant explain its just perfect but i was wondering if you could do a matt version with like a different back story or something but the same innocent y/n

Dreamin' about it

pairing: y/n and matt sturniolo

summary: Matt and you never got along. He always teased you about everything you did, so much so you decide to you wanted to lose your virginity just so he would shut about it. The only issues was you didn't know who to lose it to and that you were scared out of your mind to do it

warnings: I obviously know Nick, Matt, Madi or Chris would never pressure you into sexual things, it's just apart of the story. There is NO sexual misconduct in this even though the ending makes it seem that way. drinking, smut, mentions of drinking.

I had to make this into two parts because it was genuanly so fucking long so this is only the first part

xoxo autumn.

“Move”

I felt myself be shoved out of the way. I glared up at Matt who was now attempting to open his locker. “I was standing there” I mumbled looking at him. He glanced over at me. “What?” He said shaking his head and closing his eyes. I swallowed turning back around.

“Nothing, never mind” I mumbled before walking down the hallway into the classroom. I sighed sitting next to Madi. She glanced over at me. “Why do you look pissed?” She smiled. I shrugged before glancing over to the door seeing Matt walk into the room before sitting down next to Chris.

“Matt again?” She asked blinking at me. I shook my head turning away from him. “I don’t know” I mumbled looking down. “I just don’t know why he’s so rude to me” I said looking at her. She shrugged.

“Maybe he’s got a crush” She laughed. I rolled my eyes and pushed her making her laugh. "Yeah I'm sure" I shook my head.

Matt and I never really got along to say the least. We didn't hate each other. At least, I didn't hate him. He was overall just rude as fuck. Which makes it hard to be in a friend group with him. Madi, Nick, Chris, Matt and I are close and we hangout almost everyday.

Everyone gets along just fine. I love Nick, Chris is absolutely hilarious, and Matt was just a dick to me. I never did anything to him. He wasn't mean to Madi, only me. I never understood it.

Matt turned around catching my eye and I just looked down at the desk. He smirked and shook his head just turning around facing back to Chris. The first time I met Matt, I was instantly attracted to him, then he opened his mouth, absolutely ruining it for me. Which I guess was good. Getting into something with a member of the friend group would just complicate things anyway.

"I heard he's going out with that Jessica girl" Madi mumbled over to me. I looked over to her, disgust on my face. "Jessica Riley?" I asked looking at her. She pursed her lips nodding. I rolled my eyes.

"Why would he waste his time on her?" I asked looking at her. She shrugged. "He told me she gives good head. Guess that's good enough of a reason to keep her around" She sighed pulling out her laptop. I shook my head and glanced over at him laughing at something Chris said.

"Is that all that boy cares about?" I asked raising my eyebrows at her. She shrugged. "Never heard a complaint from any girls he's been with" She smirked at me. I closed my eyes shaking my head. She sighed hitting my shoulder.

"Have you thought about it anymore?" She said lowering her voice. I swallowed looking over at her. I had mentioned to her a few weeks ago that I felt like an absolute outcast being the only virgin in the friend group. Never being able to participate in 'never have i ever' or any drinking games involving exposing anything sexual.

I got enough shit from Matt as it was, being a virgin just made his torment ten time worse. I was explaining how I thought about doing it with one of the boys in the hockey team and Matt let "She probably wouldn't even know what to do with a dick if she saw one" slip and it sent me into a spiral and i've been thinking about it ever since.

I've just never had the opportunity to do it before. I've never had a boyfriend before and i've never liked anyone enough to do anything other than kiss them. Now, I just wanted to get it over with. Just for Matt's comments to stop at the very least.

"Not really" I said back. She sighed and looked around. "I have an idea, I'm coming over after school" She smiled making my eyes go wide and slip back in my seat. "Great" I whispered feeling my face go red.

She threw the list in front of my face. I glanced down and then back up with her. "You're kidding" I stated looking up at her. She rolled her eyes as she sat down next to me and pulled out a pencil. "No I'm not. If you're serious we have to think this through" She said looking over at me.

I already felt the regret of even saying anything form in my stomach. I groaned looking away from her as she scanned her eyes down at the list. "Purely sex on basis. Not relationship wise. Just potential candiate for taking your virginity" She said looking at me. I shook my head standing up.

"I'm not doing this" I said rubbing my hands over my face. She pulled my arm. "Yes you are. You're not doing this with a random person. We're taking this seriously" She said pulling me back down next to her. I sighed covering my red face. "Okay go" I mumbled trying not to soak in the reality of this situation.

"Tyler Smith" She said looking over at me. I looked over at her. "You're kidding" I stated as she looked up from the paper. She held in a laugh and crossed his name off the list. "Sorry" She smiled. "Madi" I said glaring at her. "That was the only joke one i'm sorry. I just wanted to lighten the mood" She said shaking her head, making me smile.

She glanced back down at the list. "Will Hanson" She said. I looked up before shaking my head. "Y/n" She sighed. "His limbs are unproportional, it freaks me out" I said shaking my head. She rolled her eyes before crossing him off the list.

"Hmm. Evan Reel?" She asked, making me smile slightly. "A smile!" She pointed at my face. I pushed her away shaking my head. "He would never go for me" I sighed looking up at her. She smiled and pursed her lips.

"I don't knowwww, Chris said he was staring at you picture a little too long in the locker room" She smiled. I sat up. "No he didn't" I said shaking my head. She covered her smile with the paper and I pushed her. "Are you serious?" I smiled. She nodded and circled his name.

"So potential candidate" She smiled making me shake my head. She traced the pencil over the page and hummed. "Chris?" She asked looking up at me. I just stared at her blinking. "Like Chris-Chris? Like Christopher Struniolo?" I asked my eyes wild tilting my head. She shrugged.

"You know him. It would be like comforting since you guys are friends. And he's cute" She shrugged. I shook my head. "After he burped the alphabet to me I could never look at him romantically" I stated blankly. She nodded and crossed his name off the list. She glanced up at me.

"Don't say it"

"Matt?" She smiled. I shook my head. "No. Absolutely not in a million years. No" I said shaking my head in all seriousness. She sighed setting down the paper looking at me. "Oh come on y/n. He's good in bed. Tory told me he was the best d-" She started. I covered my ears.

"Madi No. Hard no" I said shaking my head. She frowned. "Potential candidate?" She smiled. I grabbed the paper and took it from her, grabbing her pencil and crossing out his name and handed it back to her.

"No."

Matt pressed me against the wall. I felt his breath on my neck but what I felt more was the growing need in my stomach as he gripped my waist. "Fuck, you're so hot" He whispered before kissing down my neck. I breathed in, gripping his hand in his hair.

"Matt" I breathed. He grabbed my waist before pushing me over to the bed and before I could blink he was pinning my arms down and pressing his lips to mine.

"I wanted this for so long" He mumbled against my lips. "Me too" I said back. He leaned up reaching at the bottom on his shirt before ripping it off. I just looked up at him.

"Like what you see baby?" He whispered, running his hands up my body. I pulled me back down to me before pressing my lips to his. "I need to be inside you" He said against my lips. I nodded pulling my top off as he felt me over my bra.

"Make me see stars" I said pushing his hair back. He looked up at me with a dark look in his eyes before he undid his belt and threw it to the side. I pushed off my shorts before he pressed himself against me. I moaned from the unfamalier feeling.

I looked down between us. He paused. "You okay?" He whispered. I nodded. "Keep doing that" I nodded pressing up against him. He smiled as he pushed his hand over my bra.

"It turns me on that you're so innocent" He whispered, making my face go red. I opened my mouth to speak but stopped when he pressed against me again. "Fuck, Matt" I mumbled arching my back.

"I could do this all night long y/n, but I can feel you pulsing. I need you just as much you need me" He said as he pushing down my underwear. My chest rose and fell as he pushed his fingers into me.

"You're so worked up just for me" He whispered pushing his fingers compelely into me. I swallowed my eyes going wide. "Do you think about me? Because I think about you" He said against my face as he slowly pushed in and out of me.

"Alone" He kissed the side of my face. "In my bedroom" He continued. I squeezed my eyes shut. "Touching myself" He said pressing his forehead against mine. I whined pressing against his fingers.

"Dreaming about you whining underneath me, because I know you weren't as innocent as you showed" He said pulling his fingers out of me. I opened my eyes looking at him.

"I knew I could have had you like this under me, all you had to do was ask" He smiled pulling down his boxers. I stared down at him, my eyes going wide.

"Knowing you've never even touched yourself" He said taking himself in his hand. I just stared at him in awe. "And now I get to make you feel as you as you made me felt" He said looking down at me. I bit my lip.

"You get me so worked up and you don't even know it princess" He smiled. I swallowed. "Really?" I whispered. He smiled and nodded. "You thought I hated you but all I really wanted to do was fuck those dirty looks you give me right off your face" He said pressing his lips against mine.

I breathed in from the kiss. I felt him line himself up with me. He pulled away. "You wanna see stars?" He asked looking down at me. I nodded. "I'll make you see stars" He smiled before pushing all the way into me.

I jumped up from my bed, covering in sweat. My heart beating out of my chest. It was dark. I was alone. No Matt. Just me. I swallowed, pressing my hands to my face before turning and looking at the clock on my night stand.

3:55am

I sighed breathing out. Trying to contain myself. There was no way that I just had a dirty dream about Matt of all people. I swallowed laying back down in my bed, trying to wipe it from the memory.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

But it felt so real. I squeezed my eyes shut. No. No. No. I can't control my dreams. This was no my fault. My eyes went wide knowing I had to face Matt tomorrow. Fuck.

"Are you okay?" Nick as looking over to me. I glanced over at him. "What?" I said suddenly. He just furrowed his eyebrows at me. "No yeah I'm fine completely and totally fine. Never been better actually" I smiled brightly at him. He just laughed and shook his head.

I turned away worry all over my face.

"Hey"

I jumped out of my skin and turned around seeing Madi looking at me. I let out a breath and pressed my hand to my chest. "Are you okay?" She laughed looking at me. I nodded. "Yeah" I sighed looking at her. She shook her head before stepping up to me.

"So have you thought about him?" She asked smiling. My eyes went wide. "What?" My voice broke. She rolled her eyes. "Evan" She mumbled raising her eyebrows. I let out a breath, before shaking my head.

"Right Evan. Yeah-" I said furrowing my eyebrows. "Evan Reel?" Nick questioned looking at me. I looked from him to Madi. "He's gonna take her virginity" Madi stated making my eyes go wide.

"What?" Nick asked looking at me. I shook my head. "No-"

"Who's taking who's virginity?"

I jumped seeing Matt walking up to us, looking at me. My heart beat out of my chest. I looked at the ground. "No one is taking anyone's virginity" I said glaring at Madi. She frowned.

"No on Evan?" She asked looking at me. "Even Reel?" Matt asked raising his eyebrows at me. I looked away from him. "No it was hypotheitcal" I swallowed. He smiled shaking his head.

"Heard his dick was small, good luck getting off to that" He chuckled. I glared at him. "Who's dick is small?" Chris asked walking up to us and glancing at me. I let out a breath.

"No one. No one's dick is small and no one is taking anyone's virginity! God is this all you guys talk about?" I yelled as their faces went wide. I let out a breath before turning and pushing past them and walking down the hallway, attempting to shaking the thoughts from my head.

I tried to focus on what the teacher was saying. I really tried. But all that was circulating in my mind was that dream. So much so that I found myself staring at Matt. His eyes fixated on the teacher in front of us. His jaw clenched as he stared in front of him, slightly chewing on the bottom of his pencil.

I swallowed as he leaned back in his chair, spreading his legs slightly. I let out a breath looking down at my desk. I can't. I cannot look at him differently now. He was an asshole to me. Yeah he's not horrible to look at, but jeez y/n it was a dream. Control yourself.

"Y/n?"

I looked up from my name being called seeing the teacher staring at me. I swallowed glancing over at Matt, who's eyes were now on me. I looked back at the teacher.

"Number 3? Did you get the answer?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest. I let out a breath looking down at the sheet in front of me. "Uh yeah I-" I mumbled glancing over the problems.

"5/10 with the square root of 67" I said looking up at her. She nodded before turning towards the board. I glanced over at Matt who shook his head rolling his eyes looking over his own paper.

I raised my hand and the teacher glanced at me. "Can I go to the bathroom?" I mumbled. She waved me off as I stood up an walked towards the door.

I had to get my head straight. I couldn't let this dream affect how I looked at Matt or effect the friend group. I was just complicating things for myself.

I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror staring at myself. "Get yourself together" I whispered staring at myself. After a few minutes of trying to redirect my own mind I turned and walked out of the bathroom shaking my head.

This was Matt we were talking about. Matt. Asshole. Yeah he might be good in bed, but that doesn't mean that I wanted to get him into bed. It was ridicioulous. What was I thinking?

I turned the corner before running into who else, Matt. My eyes went wide as he looked at me. "What?" He asked looking down at me. "What?" I asked looking back at him. He narrowed his eyes as me.

"Why are you acting so on edge today?" He asked looking down at me. I bit my lip looking off to the side. "I-I'm not" I stuttered looking away from him. He let out a breath.

"Well can you move then? I have to piss" He said. I looked up at him realizing I was blocking his path. "Right" I shook my head as I moved around him. He shook his head as he moved past me. I turned around looking at him.

"Matt" My mouth said without thinking. He stopped turning and looking at me. I just looked at him. He looked to the side and then back at me. "What?" He shook his head.

"Are you going out with Jessica?" I asked. I don't know why that was the first thing that came to mind, but at least if I knew he was locked down I would feel even more wrong for fantizing about him and I would force myself to stop.

He chuckled slightly. "No, we just hook up" He said looking at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?" I asked shaking my head. He sighed stepping back towards me. "We just fuck y/n it's nothing serious" He said looking down at me. I shook my head looking off with a face of disgust.

"Ew Matt" I mumbled. He shrugged. "You asked" He stated. I guess I did ask, I just hated the answer. "How can you just hook up with someone like that? Like without even caring?" I asked shaking my head. He glared at me.

"You wouldn't get it, virgin" He stated crossing his arms over his chest. I clenched my jaw. "Scream it from the rooftops why don't you?" I said shaking my head and turning and started to walk away. There is was. I hated him again. Why was he such an ass?

"Y/n" he stated. I stopped turning back to him. "Are you really going to let Evan take your virginity?" He asked looking at me with an expression I couldn't read. I just looked at him, before letting out a breath.

"I don't know" I shook my head. He bit his lip and looked down. "He's kind of an ass, you deserve better than that for your first time" He said looking at me. I just stared at him attempting to sink in his words before he turned and walked down the hallway.

I looked down at my shoes, letting out a breath closing my eyes.

fuck.

"No" I shook my head as I looked in the mirror. Madi came up behind me. "Yes!" She cheered. I shook my head stepping back. "I look stupid" I shaking my head. She pushed me back in front of the mirror. "You look hot" She said looking at me through the mirror. I cringed as I looked at the black eyeliner and my hair pulled back and the amount of skin exposed.

I was wearing a tight black skirt with a tight black top. I cover my arms over me. I never wore tight on tight. "Don't you think it's a little much?" I asked looking over at her. She glanced over at me. "It's what I normally wear to parties. Do you think I dress too much?" She asked glancing over her own clothes that were similar to mine.

"No, but-" I started to say but she held her hands up. "But nothing! You look hot as shit!" She smiled. I sighed as I smoothed out my skirt. We heard the door open and Matt Chris and Nick walked in.

"You guys ready?" Nick asked looking at us. "No" I shook my head. Madi grabbed my arm. "Yes, we're ready" She glared at me. I looked down at my shoes, I did not feel comfortable in this.

"Matt" She said pointing at him. "Please tell her that she looks good" Madi said pointing to me. I looked up at Matt waiting for the blow to my already fading confidence. I bit my lip as I looked at him as I waited for him to respond, but all he did was look at me.

His eyes scaling my body and blinking not saying a word. Madi groaned. "Chris?" She said. Chris looked over at me and nodded. "You look great y/n. Evan's going to be there, I've put in a good word" He smiled walking over to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I don't know why, but that just made me feel worse. I swallowed looking up at him. "What'd you say?" I asked looking at him. He shrugged. "Don't worry about it" He smiled. I shook my head and looked away as I reached down and pulled my skirt down.

"Stop doing that. Are you going to be doing that all night?" She asked pushing my hand away. I widened my eyes as I looked down at the skirt. "Madi it's ridiciouls! Look at it!" I said spinning around before looking down at the skirt riding up on my thighs. She shook her head.

I looked up at Matt who still stood there looking at me. He cleared his throat. "I'm gonna wait in the car" He mumbled looking down before walking out of the door. I just watched as he walked out.

"Can I please just change into some leggings or something?" I sighed. Madi shook her head. "There's no time we're already late and Evan's waitingggg" She smiled grabbing my arm and pulled my arm as we walked to the car.

"Have you planned your attack?" Nick smiled looking over at me. I felt my face go red. "No Nick" I glared at him. He shrugged. "You haven't thought about it?" He asked looking at me. I shook my head.

"I'm trying not to think about it. I've barely spoken to the guy and I'm suppose to have sex with him?" I asked looking over at Madi. She rolled her eyes. "You wanted this" She argued. I shook my head.

"I thought I wanted it" I mumbled. "You're pussying out" Chris said turning from the driver seat. I glared at him. "I'm not i'm just--" I said looking over at Matt who was focusing on driving.

"I don't know" I mumbled looking down at my lap. "I don't even know if he likes me" I sighed leaning back. "I'd wanna fuck in that fit, and i'm actually gay" Nick laughed. I pushed his shoulder and shook my head.

"You can't fuck without a condom, do you have one?" Chris asked looking back at me. "Guys I don't even know if i'm gonna go through with it" I glared at them. "Matt, do you have a condom?" Chris asked hitting his shoulder. Matt glanced over at him.

"No" He stated blankly. Chris sighed. "I know you do Matt come on" He said. I looked over at him. "I don't have one" He said through gritted teeth before looking back to the road.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to y/n" Nick said pushing my shoulder. I looked down at my lap. "Yeah don't feel pressured." Madi said next to me. I just closed my eyes and leaned back.

"Maybe I'll change my mind after a few drinks"

"How many of those have you had?" Matt asked peering down at the drink in my hand. I looked down at my cup and shrugged. "This is only my second I think" I stated looking back up at him. He just looked down at me.

"What?" I asked shaking my head. He shrugged. "I just don't think you should have sex for the first time while you're drunk" He stated leaning against the counter. I shook my head.

"Matt why do you care?" I scoffed. He narrowed his eyes down at me. "I don't" He stated blankly. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows. He sighed. "I'm your friend. I'm just giving you some advice. I did it for the first time when I was drunk and I don't even remember it and I regret it" He said staring down at me.

I sighed suddenly feeling bad for him slightly, but not enough. "What was that 20 bodies ago?" I asked tilted my head. He glared down at me. "Fine, get wasted see if I care" He mumbled. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine I will" I glared at him taking another sip from my drink. "Don't let Madi get into your head about it. It should be because you want to do it not because someone else wants you to" He said pushing off the counter.

"I'm not, I want to" I slightly lied. I didn't even know if I really wanted to. "You want to? With Evan of all people?" He asked raising his eyebrows at me. I clenched my jaw and looked up at him. "It would be nice to get shit from you about being so innocent virgin every other day" I said harshly. His face slightly softened.

"You're doing this because of me?" He asked softly. I just looked up at him. I opened my mouth to say something but I heard someone walk up to us.

"Y/n right?"

I turned seeing Evan smiling down at me. I looked over at Matt who just looked at him. "Uh I-uh Yeah" I smiled finally up at him. Evan looked over at him. "Matt" He nodded smiling. Matt just glared at him walking off without responding. Evan furrowed his eyebrows before turning back to me.

"Ignore him, He's just like that" I said shaking my head. He nodded looking down at me. "Yeah" He laughed.

A long conversation and about 3 drinks later, I was more than tispy. I wasn't wasted. I was almost like a happy drunk. I was feeling less anxious about the whole thing.

I smiled and turned my head seeing Matt Chris and Madi on the other side of the room slightly glancing at me. Madi waved and smiled and I shook my head. I looked over at Matt who had a blank stare. I looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows and he wasn't breaking eye contact.

"Can I get you another drink?" Evan asked looking down at me. I looked up at him breaking my staring contest with Matt. "Yeah, that'd be great" I smiled sheepishly up at him. He smiled grabbing my cup and turning into the kitchen.

I let out a breath before walking over to my friends. "Hey" I smiled leaning against Chris. Chris smiled down at me as Matt glared at me leaning against the wall. "Hey" Chris chuckled.

I smiled over at Madi. "Are you okay? How's it going over there?" She asked. "Amazing Evan is so sweet" I smiled. I heard Matt scoff from across from me. I looked up at him. "Yeah? Why do you think he's being sweet?" He asked looking at me.

"Matt leave her alone" Madi glared at him. He just rolled his eyes. I shook my head. "It's fine Madi. I'm doing okay" I chuckled. "Oh God" Chris said looking off across the room. I turned to where he was looking.

"Is that Nick?" Madi asked. "Talk to his ex" Chris said as he shook his head and walked off towards Nick. "This isn't good" Madi shook her head as she walked off with him. I let out a breath before smiling and shaking my head.

"Why are you so happy?" Matt asked pushing off the wall. I smiled and walked over leaning against the wall to get my feet a slight break. I smiled. "It's called vodka, you should try it" I giggled. He just stared down at me.

"I'm driving" He stated. I rolled my eyes. "You're such a little buzz kill, you know that?" I asked pushing my finger against his chest. He looked down at my hand and then back up at me. I pulled my finger off him and smiled.

"You're drunk" He stated. "And I have a cute boy who thinks i'm pretty waiting for me" I smiled tilting my head. He looked off the side. "It's not a good idea" He shook his head. I scoffed. "Isn't Jessica around here somewhere?" I asked glancing around the room.

"I told you we aren't together" He said back harshly. I rolled my eyes. "Ah" I said pushing off the wall. "I forget you know? From your girlfriends, to your friends with benefits, to your hookups. It gets all mixed around in my head" I said swirling my fingers around my head.

"You seem pretty fixated on my dating life. Why are you so interested?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I just looked at him. "I'm not" I stated blankly. He hummed licking his lips.

"I could do this all night long y/n, but I can feel you pulsing. I need you just as much you need me" He said as he pushing down my underwear. My chest rose and fell as he pushed his fingers into me.

I swallowed as I stared at him. He just looked back at me. If only he knew was was crossing my mind right now.

"Here you go"

I looked up seeing Evan handing me another drink. I took it. "Thanks" I said looking at him. He nodded. "She doesn't need another one" Matt stated looking up at him. I glared over at Matt.

"What?" Evan asked looking over at him. "Nothing, don't listen to him" I said shaking my head as Matt as I grabbed Evan's arm and walked away.

Evan smiled down at me.

"Do you wanna go upstairs?"

I blinked up at him. I glanced back at Matt but he was gone. I glanced around the room but I didn't see him anywhere. I swallowed. "Y/n?" He asked looking down at me. I glanced up at him.

"Uh, yeah sure" I nodded. He smiled grabbing my hand as he walked towards the steps. I tried to shake the nerves. It's just a guy, it's just sex. It's not a big deal everyone does it.

We made it up the steps as he pushed a door open leading into a bed room. We walked in and he closed the door behind us. I let out a nervous breath before smiling up at him.

He smiled walking up to me before grabbing my waist and pulling me towards him pressing his lips to mine sloppily. Wow that was fast. I kissed him back closing my eyes as he pushed me back against the bed and climbed over me.

Don't think about it. Just don't think about it.

He gripped my hips hard making me pull apart. "That hurts" I said looking at him. He smiled. "You're cute, you know that?" He said before pressing his lips to mine again. I kissed him back putting my hands in his hair, trying to enjoy this kill.

He pushed my shirt up. I stopped his hands slightly. He pulled apart. "Can I not take your shirt off?" He asked looking at me. I blinked at him. "Can I keep it on?" I whispered looking at him. He sighed before nodding and pushing my legs apart moving his body in between them.

My heart started to beat out of chest. I was so scared. Why was this so terrifying? He pulled my leg up gripping my leg as he kissed down my leg. I just stared up at the ceiling.

I was drunk. I shouldn't do this drunk right? No. I'm not letting Matt win. I'm going through with this. Evan's cute. It's fine.

"You're so innocent. It kind of turns me on" He smiled against my skin.

"It turns me on that you're so innocent" He whispered, making my face go red. I opened my mouth to speak but stopped when he pressed against me again. "Fuck, Matt" I mumbled arching my back.

I shook off the dream. I'm not thinking about that right now. It almost felt like Matt was kissing my neck. Almost. It wasn't. It was some other dude. It was not Matt. I let out a breath.

I didn't even really know this guy.

He pushed up my skirt slightly. I closed my eyes. Oh god this was really happening and I was panicking.

"Evan" I mumbled. He bit down on my neck. "Hm?" He hummed. I bit my lip. "I've never done this before" I breathed. "I know" He said lifting his head. He nodded. "I kind of assumed" He stated. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What?" I asked. He rolled his eyes. "Come on. I'll go easy just relax" He said, but that did not make me feel any better. He pressed his lips to mine but I couldn't even find the energy to kiss him back.

He sighed pulling away. "Are you not even gonna kiss me?" He asked. I blinked at him. "I'm drunk" I stated suddenly. He chuckled hanging his head.

"I know. I am too" He said sliding his hand under my skirt. I slightly pulled back. "Come on you can't talk to me all night and show up wearing that just to tease me" He said and pressed his lips against mine, my eyes wide open as I felt his hand move over the lace of my underwear.

Oh god, Matt was right.

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#matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #nicolas sturniolo #spotify #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo

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mosaickiwi · 2 months

Note

(sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language) Hello, I hope you are doing well! Can I ask you for a drabble about the wedding day of an emotional MC who burst into tears because she thought that this day would never come and REDACTED, but without the “lavish ceremony” (lots of guests, wedding suits, huge celebration, etc.) (please forgive me, I hope I was able to express myself clearly, thank you very much and have a nice day!) ฅ'ω'ฅ

!!!

By law I must post wedding fic on Valentine's Day!!!

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

~Wedding Day~

You nervously toyed with the ring in your palm, heart racing so hard it hurt. It was still difficult to believe what was happening. This was happening.

It was the same golden ring your partner had worn since you first met him. There wasn't a moment you ever saw them without it as he changed from a shy, stuttering mess in a cardigan to the clingy, dark-haired brat of a man you fell in love with more and more each day. Although the amount of rings they wore had grown.

That fateful day on the playground was something you couldn't even remember, and from what your companion told, you didn't want to. The second try was a far better memory for the both of you anyway. You were the one who proposed that time, catching them by complete surprise with the confidence you never usually had to ask anything of him. But you managed to do it.

And now you were the one who would put a ring on their finger.

“We haven't even started the vows,” [REDACTED] quietly said, pulling you from your thoughts. “Y'can’t be cryin’ just yet, Angel.”

“Am I crying?” The words came out hoarse from your already tightening throat. You hadn't realized. Sure enough, hot tears were streaming down your face as he gently wiped at them with his thumb.

You tried to calm down, gazing up at him to distract yourself. Their voice had the same familiarly teasing tone it always did, but you could tell from the soft quiver to his lower lip that he was holding back his own tears.

“Yeah, it’s—” He let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, then hurriedly pushed his dark hair out of his reddening eyes. You wanted to tease him back about it, but you knew if you tried to speak again the tears would come flooding even worse. Another few moments passed as you both tried to collect yourselves.

Surprisingly, it took him a little longer. The tears on your cheeks had long fell and dried while he stood in front of you, eyes shrouded behind their bangs.

But after one more unsteady breath, he seemed to find his way again and look at you. “Are you ready?” they asked, a shakiness to their hands as he reached for the dangling chain around your neck—the necklace he’d given to you months ago once he’d found the courage to say yes to your proposal.

With your anxious nod of approval, he continued. Cool fingertips brushed at your collarbone, finding the silver clasp at the back of your neck and releasing it with a faint clicking of metal. The necklace fell loosely in his hands as he pulled it away. The golden ring easily slid from the chain and he rolled it in his fingers for a long moment, staring at it silently.

They were noticeably calmer this time, with a trembling smile that reached their eyes as he took your left hand and repeated himself.

“Ready?”

#14 days with you #14dwy redacted #momo reqs #mushy mushy mushy #for da softies #no description of ur surroundings so u can get married wherever u want!!!#at the beach? sitting at home in bed? in a court house? a mystery #proofreading is hard i'm so picky #30 extra minutes from the time i pasted it in the draft silly me

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manestjerne · 7 days

Text

I'll do that again for you

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Summary: Bucky pushes you away again and you let him this time.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, swearing, comfort, a little fluff, doubts, angry behavior, mentions of physical abuse and injuries, crying. Let me know if I forgot something.

A/N: I'm not sure about this one, but it's been on my mind for so long I had to finally sit down and write it all down. Hope you enjoy it guys <3

I walked into Bucky’s apartment and tossed my keys on the dining table before opening the fridge and getting myself a bottle of water. I looked around slowly and walked to the pile of bedsheets on the floor. I picked them up before sitting down on the couch. The quiet sound of shower in the other room seemed to wash all my worries away, but I knew they will come back the moment I see him. His deep blue, tired eyes full of regret and and guilt, his usually steady hands shaking whenever we were alone. All the things no one else besides me was allowed to see. Things that only I could perceive in a conference room full of people. Things I couldn’t do anything about. He was more devastated than ever, when Steve started talking about leaving him. Leaving us, but Bucky couldn’t wrap his head around that, believing I have already found my peace in other people. As compassionate as he was, he never saw how lonely I was since I was trying to get him his life back. But I never blamed him.

The peaceful sound of water flowing got quiet unexpectedly, making me snap back to reality. I heard quiet footsteps getting closer and my heart started pounding in my chest.

„Hey sweets, you’re here early.”

He said calmly, sitting on the couch next to me. I only replied with a smile, realizing he looks worse than usually. He wasn’t surprised I was here, I always were on friday mornings. We talked about his last therapy session before going to the compound together, it was our routine. The thing that kept us both on tracks, helping to get a steady rhythm in our messed up lives, something to stick with for once. But today my thoughts were focused on something else, I didn’t care about the therapy, knowing he might finally found something better to help him get his life together.

„How was your date yesterday?”

„It was awful and I don’t want to talk about it.”

His reply was dry and harsh. He didn’t do that often while talking to me. He had a soft spot there, always treating me gently and respectful, but I knew this moment would come, sooner or later. I knew the perfect bubble of our strange relationship would finally burst, because he couldn’t handle it. I knew it would change for him, but never for me, I felt the same way since I met him, when he squeezed my throat so hard that I passed out and had to look at the bruises covering my body for the next two weeks, whenever I passed a mirror. But even as the Winter Soldier, his eyes were the same, that’s why I chose to help Steve get him back. That’s why I had the worst possible fight with Tony, when he told me I can’t just pick up assassins from the streets and adopt them like stray cats. He never said that about Wanda, he never called Nat an assassin, but he never hesitated when it came to Bucky. Thinking about that sent shivers down my spine, remembering how much I had to give up to bring things back to normal, to help them understand, that the Winter Soldier is not the person standing in front of them.

„So I chose a wrong person again?”

I asked with a weak smile. It wasn’t the first date he didn’t enjoy, but he never blamed me for that.

„You chose the wrong thing for me, I don’t get why do you want me to find a fucking love of my life by setting me up on hookups I don’t want to attend.”

His voice started to sound unsettling, I shifted in my seat and straightened my back, looking at him carefully. He tried to do that earlier, to push me away by scaring me, but I never let him. I knew he would never hurt me, too focused on protecting me at all costs, like his life depended on it.

„Don’t be such a dick and stop blaming me for your poor love life, I’m just trying to help you get back to reality.”

I was surprised by my own words, I never spoke to him that way, no matter how he treated me. I felt a wave of frustration flushing through my veins, making me feel like my blood is boiling. I looked at his hands, his metal fingers clenching in a fist, the flesh hand rubbing on the soft fabric of his jeans, but I knew how much they were trembling at this moment and how much he was fighting himself not to break the character he was trying to play.

„I never asked for it.”

His jaw clenched and I felt a sting in my chest at his words. No matter how grateful he was for me being there, he would never admit it, he would never say how much he needed and appreciated all I ever did for him.

„Do you want me to leave?”

I decided to make it easier for him, knowing he would struggle with saying it out loud. He never wanted me to leave his side, but he thought it was the right thing, and I couldn’t fight it anymore.

„I don’t want you to play a babysitter anymore, seeing one shrink at a time is enough.”

He huffed and rolled his eyes, almost making me believe his words and for the first time I felt some kind of doubt. My safe place by his side was slowly fading away as he kept looking at me with something what felt like blame in his eyes. I shrinked into my seat trying to find any words, but every time I opened my mouth the room was filled with nothing but silence.

„Do you want me to leave?”

I repeated myself quietly, not able to find any other words suitable for what I was feeling at the moment.

„Are you even fucking listening?”

He wasn’t angry, but frustrated. I didn’t flinch at his voice, but I could feel the tears filling up my eyes slowly. I got up and picked my keys up from the table. After a few short breaths I found the courage to face him again.

„That’s what I do all the time, James. I listen. I wish you could do that for once.”

With my last word I turned away and walked to the door. He never tried to stop me, he didn’t say anything before I left. I held my tears back for as long as I could, letting go at the moment I sat in my car. I doubted all I did for him at the moment, knowing that one of us wasn’t ready for what we were doing, but I couldn’t realize who was the problem.

-----

„It’s been a week since you stopped attending the meetings. If Tony was mad earlier, you don’t want to know what Steve said today.”

Nat entered my room without knocking as always. She brought me a piece of Wanda’s cake, but I pushed the plate away, still refusing to eat whenever I wasn’t starving.

„I really just don’t want to see him, I’m not ready for that.”

She sat on the bed next to me, looking at me closely and sinking every word I said. It was the first time I said anything about what happened that day and she was willing to listen carefully to every word I say, analyzing every sigh and deep breath between them. I felt bad about treating her this way, she deserved to know everything, but I was scared of what I was going to say, I tried not to think about it, knowing my pain is now fully replaced with anger and frustration.

„I did everything I could, all this months I tried to help him and he acts like a fucking brat, trying to push me away. I’m so done with him, I’m not going back and begging him to let me do that all again. If he’s so devoted to Steve let’s just stick with that and let him live his pathetic little life without my interruptions.”

I said it all in one breath trying not to sound paranoid, but Nat only nodded slowly and laid on her back, staring at the perfectly white ceiling.

„I respect your every decision, but he’s only doing that to help you, and you know that. It’s you, who convinced me he means no harm and just can’t deal with his own mind, that’s why he’s trying to push you away. But it’s okay you’re tired with that, you don’t deserve it.”

I rolled on my stomach laying next to her and picked up the plate she put on the bed earlier. I stared at all the layers of my favorite toppings and saw how uneven it was looking, realizing Natasha helped Wanda with cooking this time. I smiled to myself remembering how much she hates doing that.

"Just wait for him to come back, he'll do it eventually."

„Thanks Nat, I’m glad you’re here.”

I said before dipping my fork in the cake.

---

Everyone got quiet when I entered the shared kitchen, it was the first time I was in the same room with Bucky since I left his apartment in tears. But I didn��t mind his presence, I knew he’s not going to bring it up when there were so many people around and I wasn’t planning on giving him a chance to speak to me in private. I walked up to the counter and poured myself a glass of water before heading to the coffee machine. I waited for my drink to brew when I turned away and rested my elbows on the counter behind me, almost tasting the tensed atmosphere I brought into the room.

„Are you planning on attending any meetings this week or should I just send you a fax with our arrangements?”

Tony asked calmly. He was mad at me, but acting as a human as possible he wasn’t planning on letting me know.

„Yeah, I’ll be there today.”

I shrugged my shoulders when Steve rolled his eyes, but I wasn’t looking at him. Bucky’s eyes were glued to the countertop in front of him, filled with guilt. He looked pathetic and I blamed myself for enjoying the view. After hearing a quiet beep my eyes left him to pick up the coffee.

„See you at 6.”

I said and started walking away lazily with mug in one hand and a glass of water in another. I was slowly getting used to this, feeling more comfortable leaving my room, not caring about the stares.

„You two should just fuck and let us get back to normal.”

I froze at Tony’s words and turned back to face him unconsciously.

„Come on, we can all see how you’re looking at each other, let’s finally get over this awkward phase.”

„Shut up.”

Bucky replied him firmly at his next words, but Tony just shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating his cereal. I tightened my grip on the glass in my hand and looked him in the eyes, shaking my head slowly. Little did he know, we did that once, a few weeks back and it never helped, it never changed our relationship. I couldn’t find proper words to respond so I just walked away and stopped after passing the first corner, when no one could see me. I let my head fall back and took a few deep breaths, feeling the almost healed wound open up again. I started walking away when I heard footsteps approaching me, but he was faster and caught up with me after only a few seconds. He blocked my way with his body, towering over me before I could reach the elevator and hide in my room.

„He shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.”

Bucky was trying to look me in the eyes but I successfully avoided it.

„Don’t act like you regret anything.”

I huffed and tried to pass him, but it was impossible. He raised his hand to tuck the strand of hair behind my ear but I flinched at his movement. He was visibly hurt by that, but not surprised, taking a step back his gaze never left me.

„Can we just talk like adult people do?”

„You’re not so good at that.”

I replied coldly, matching his earlier energy, trying to push him away as he did so many times.

„I am, you taught me that.”

„No, that’s a job for a shrink, so I’m not doing that again.”

„I know how you fee-„

„No, you fucking don’t!”

I replied throwing a glass at him, my words louder than necessary. He didn’t flinch, knowing I wasn’t actually aiming at him. The glass flew next to his face and shattered at the wall behind him.

„Fuck.”

I mumbled and dropped on my knees to pick up the glass from the floor. He kneeled besides me and pulled me away gently, grabbing the shattered pieces with his metal hand.

„You’ll hurt yourself.”

He said gently and I almost fell in his arms after these words, knowing how much I miss him and how much I want to be allowed to do that again.

„Like you care.”

I huffed in response and entered the elevator leaving him alone, kneeling in the puddle wetting his jeans, letting my frustration take over.

-----

I heard a soft knocking on my door. I raised myself on my elbows before realizing Nat and Wanda never knock, no matter what time they decide to come see me, so I rolled over with my back facing the door now. I didn’t want to talk to anybody else at the moment.

„I know you’re not sleeping, I can hear your uneven breath.”

I heard the words clearly, even tho his whisper was muffled by the door separating us. I didn’t respond, knowing he’ll come in eventually. I heard a resigned sigh before the door opened. His quiet footsteps echoing in my head when he circled the room and kneeled besides my bed to face me.

„I’m sorry for being such a dick.”

He said confidently waiting for my answer, but also knowing I’m not going to speak. He gave me a few seconds to make sure I don’t have anything to say before he spoke up again.

„I know how you feel, I can see how much you have to give up in order to help me. I know how alone you are, even with so many people supporting you. I know you did it all to make me feel better and I appreciate it more than anything, I need your help just as much as you think and more.”

I was a little confused at his words, actually admitting all the things he couldn’t say earlier.

„Then why are you like that?”

I felt the tears filling up my eyes again, but I didn’t care, letting them fall on my cheeks as our murmurs were filling up the quiet room.

„Because I can’t stand watching you do this. You don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, but I can’t function without you. I need you back and I’ll do everything for you to forgive me again.”

His hand slowly landed on my cheek, wiping the tears away as he looked me in the eyes.

„See, that’s the problem. Again. How many times will you push me away before finally opening up and letting me really help you?”

My voice wasn’t shaking as much, feeling his touch calmed me down as always, no matter how I wanted to resist the feeling.

„I won’t do that ever again, I won’t hurt you. I just need you back, as clingy as always, being a pain in my ass every Friday morning, asking about my therapy. Making me watch all the stupid romantic movies, cuddling on the couch when I’m trying to move away. Dragging me back to bed when I lay on the floor and making me talk about my nightmares before we fall asleep again.”

"Who would think that Bucky Barnes could ever kneel before a woman."

"And I'll do it again for you."

I couldn’t help but giggled at his words, knowing how much I miss that feeling too, no matter he was trying to act like he hates it, he loved it more than I did. He smiled softly at my reaction, and I knew it was sincere. He slowly stood up and took the covers off me. Picking me up gently he moved me to make space for himself and laid next to me, resting my head on his chest before pulling the covers over us once more.

„Just come back for the last time and I promise I won’t act like a brat and start treating you as you deserve. I would do anything for you and I can’t run from it anymore. I’m ready to give you everything I can and finally take care of you, like you did this whole time.”

He brushed his fingers through my hair and I nodded slowly, knowing he finally understood that pushing me away is not an option. I took a deep breath smelling his cologne and my eyelids got heavy as my body started to relax. I closed my eyes sinking in the feeling of our bodies being so close again, our legs tangled under the duvet, his heart beating right where my head was resting.

„Just close your eyes now, and we’ll start everything again tomorrow, okay?”

He asked quietly, his flesh hand not leaving my hair and the metal one still drawing circles on my back.

„Okay.”

I said before falling asleep, knowing I won’t wake up in the middle of the night as I did every single time for the past week.

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