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samandcolbyownme · 3 months

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Summary: anon request - "y/n (she's dating Colby?) is with them when they finally go to the basement in the conjuring video and y/n tells him she went to the basement without them like how Sam did and he gets super upset/mad at her?"

This one shot will contain things some readers might find unsettling and/or triggering. PLEASE DONT READ IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH!!

Warnings include: strong language, being alone in the conjuring house basement, reader being touched and spoken to, hair pulling, pushing, reader feeling like they're being controlled by spirits, reader having visions, angry Colby, mild fighting, arguing, mentions of puking, general spooky stuff - read with care my lovelies ily!

I will be using Sam and Colby's SAWATCH Part 3: The Basement as reference in this one shot but only for when the three go to the gravesite and then into the basement together. I will be adding some stuff in to make it flow since the reader is being written in, so everything won't be 100% accurate to the video itself.

Word count: little over 13.k | not edited

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

You don't know how Sam and Colby were asleep right now. You don't know why you even agreed to coming here for a few nights - if you can even last that long.

Maybe because you were more worried about Colby?

Maybe because you were actually really interested in the history that surrounds the house itself?

You were also an investigator. You'd think you'd be used to this stuff by now? But you're not. Nothing could have prepared you for what this house holds within the walls.

You sit up, glancing over at Colby who's softly snoring on his cot that, is in fact, under the table like he said he was going to do. You smile slightly as you lay back down, snuggling into your blanket.

You try to remind yourself that Abigail is there to protect you, and that helps, but only a little bit.

You suddenly felt a chill roll over your body, one that a few blankets wouldn't be able to calm.

"Y/n."

You slowly turn over on to your back, sitting up slowly, "Colby?" You whisper, but he doesn't move, "Sam?" He continues to lay there and you take a deep breath, realizing that it wasn't them who said your name.

"Y/n."

Your head tilts slowly as you watch a figure walk past the door frame, left to right, "Hello?" You call out quietly, but nothing answers.

Sam stirs in his sleep slightly, but nothing drastic.

Your eyes shoot back up to the door as you felt like you seen something in the corner of your eye, a face peaking around.

The spin chilling creak of a door opening slowly causes you to freeze, even your breath is held.

You stare at the dark opening for a few seconds before letting out the breath you've been holding.

You go to lay back down and you hear another whisper, "Go."

Your legs swing over the edge, feet planted flat on the floor as your hands move the blanket. Your stare is held on the darkness on the other side of the dimly lit door frame.

Mind on one thing. The basement.

You walk past Sam's cot, glancing back at Colby before slowly looking back into the darkness.

You know you shouldn't go down there at all, let alone by yourself.

Colby made you and Sam both promise not to go down there before going together. He even promised both of you that he wouldn't either.

As you round the corner, you stop as your eyes fixate on the specific door - that you know for a fact opened by something that wants you down there.

Are you going?

You wish you didn't, but you feel like you don't have any other choice.

You walk over to the door, placing a hand on the knob as you look around the door and down the lit stairwell.

Without taking another glance back towards the boys, you're heading down to the basement.

Alone.

But in reality. You're never alone when you're at the conjuring house.

You step gently on each step, careful not to make any loud noise. As you reach the small platform mid way, you stop, staring at the half lit room.

Part of you wants to turn around, high tail it back up the steps and go back to bed, but a bigger part of you wanted to try and get answers.

You wanted to know why, ever since you arrived, the basement has been - literally, calling your name.

You didn't want to give them, too much of your trust, no matter how human they sound.

"Abigail. Are you here with me?" You whisper, snapping your head to the table and chairs when a knocking sound comes from that area, "Knock again if that was you."

Another knock sounds and you walk over, slowly sitting down in the chair. Your eyes move from the well back to the table, "why am I here?"

"The woods."

Your body settles back into the chair and you get a sudden flash of the tree line, "The woods." You repeat, but in a much quieter tone, "Why?"

"Meet us."

You tilt your head, smiling slightly, "You're the trickster, Dave. Aren't you?"

It's silent for a few second, but then you're left in total darkness as the light turns off.

You can feel your heart rate pick up slightly, "I'm not going to the woods alone." Something clinks on the ground and you blow air through your nose, "Dave. Did you call me down here?"

You feel a light brush on your shoulder, but you don't jump. Something in you knew it was a loving touch, from Abigail.

"Do you want me to leave?" You lay your hands flat on the table, getting ready to stand up. A loud whisper in your hear causes you to sit right back down, "No!"

You close your eyes, slowly reopening them. You turn towards the direction of the stairs, staring for a few seconds before turning back to the table.

How did I get here, you think to yourself, but you already knew the answer to that.

Even though you were fully aware of what you were doing and what was happening around you, you didn't feel like you right now.

You knew you were sitting in the place you shouldn't be, but it's like you didn't have control over your mind and body.

As you're sitting there waiting for anything else to happen, you get a chill up your spine, and a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you cannot shake off.

You hear foot steps upstairs and your eyes are glued to the ceiling, waiting for either Sam or Colby to call for you, but nothing sounds.

As you turn your head, you get a quick vision of a soldier standing outside of the upstairs window, looking in.

"Are they watching Sam and Colby?" You ask and you can feel your hands start to shake. You wait for an answer but then it feels like you were released from your hold.

You shake your head and take a deep breath, "What am I doing here?" You stand up, laughing slightly as you turn to walk towards the steps.

Footsteps sounding behind you cause internal panic, now that you're.. yourself again.

You book it up the steps, quickly turning out to close the door and holding it closed for a few seconds before you turn and make your way back to where the boys were.

Still sound asleep.

You push your cot closer to Colby, what just happened in the basement haunting you. You lay down, facing him and basically bury yourself in the blanket.

Every little noise causes your body to jump ever so slightly.

Why did I do that?

Why did I break a promise?

It wasn't you, you try to convince yourself, it wasn't you.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You barely got any sleep the rest of the night. You were awake when you hear Sam stir around and sit up.

You closed your eyes, pretending to be asleep.

Colby moves his arm from over your body and you pretend to stir. He brushes hair from your face, "Hey."

You open your eyes, pretending that you just woke up, "Mm, hi."

"Get scared last night?" Colby asks with a quiet chuckle and your heart starts to pound, "Yeah, I couldn't really sleep without being close to you."

He nods, "It's understandable." He leans in, pecking your forehead with his lips. You sit up, forcing a stretch before standing up to move your cot.

"How'd everyone sleep?" Sam asks slipping on his sweatshirt.

"I honestly don't think I woke up once." Colby stands up, stretching, "I think someone got a little spooked in the middle of the night."

He nods towards you and you laugh slightly, trying to cover up your nervousness, "Yeah. It was pretty creepy."

"Glad to know that there was a cuddle party going on while I was over here all alone, hot and ready for whatever wanted to drag me away." Sam holds his arms out, trying not to laugh, "What the fuck?"

Colby tilts his head, walking over and hugging Sam, "Oh I'm so sorry, brother. Come here." He squeezes him and you laugh, shaking your head as you grab your little travel bag and head for the bathroom.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You felt different all day and you were scared either of them would pick up on it, more Colby than anything.

You kept drifting off, thinking about everything that happened when you were down there. How you felt, what you heard.

You were torn between telling Colby and just waiting until they were done filming for the night, but at the same time, he'd probably find out regardless because of the cameras the owners have set up in the corners of the house.

So you decided it'd be better to tell him sooner rather than later, but that was going to have to wait as you were on your way to check out the graveyard.

You kept thinking about how mad Colby was going to be. He was going to be far from happy. You hated when you argued, which honestly wasn't that often, but you knew this was going to be a big one.

"Hey." Sam bumps into you, "You alright?"

You look up at him, "Oh yeah. I'm just anxious because of the woods and it being dark, ya know?"

He nods, "I know what you mean. I'm actually quite nervous myself." He chuckles and looks behind him, "You ready Colby?"

Colby walks up, wrapping his arm around your waist, "Yes." He nods, "I am."

You lay your head on his shoulder, taking in the happy Colby as much as you can before your words, eventually, ruin his mood.

Sam turns the camera on, light shining towards Colby as he walks forward, "Before we go to the grave site, we thought we'd stop where I talked to Dave, under the Estes method, earlier this week."

You follow behind them, shining your light on the trees. You feel like your eyes are playing heavy tricks on you, but after that night, you just felt like you were going nuts.

"So again." Colby's voice causes you to snap out of your thoughts and you walk up next to Sam as Colby continues talking, "After the past few days, we've heard the name, Dave." He points, "Specifically, super clear, on the Alice box, in the forest over there when we camped out. But, we were introduced to him right around these graves, so.."

Colby steps back, opening his arms as he moves around, looking side to side, "Dave.. if you're around, or any other soldiers. Feel free to follow if you can hear me."

"We have a long hike." Sam says and you groan, "Oh great."

Colby chuckles, "I mean the last investigation last night.." he looks at Sam, "Come find out? Thats like, the scariest thing they can say."

Sam laughs, "that's like, the most ominous thing any spirit has ever told us."

As you walk, you keep hearing things in the woods behind you, "Jesus fuck." You whisper, walking quicker to be closer to Colby.

He reaches his hand back, wiggling his fingers for you to take his hand.

You grip his hand, not letting go for anything. You shine your flashlight with your other hand and it starts to flicker before going out then turning right back on.

Sam and Colby stop, turning back to look at you then down to your flash light.

"I'm not even going to say anything." Sam says and you nod once, "please don't."

Colby squeezes your hand and you look up at him, smiling slightly at him, "You're good." He nods, "I got you."

That made you feel ten times worse.

You feel like you could puke.

Your nerves, between the basement and walking through the woods you were warned not to go into, were almost shot.

"Here's what scares me.." Colby starts out as he stops walking. You let go of his hand as Sam turns the camera to him, "Most of the spirits have these, like quiet knocks, but the one downstairs was way louder. It had more power. It had more energy, and we were on concrete."

"Last time we were.. in the woods, the only things we really heard was that it wanted to attack and stalk us.."

Sam's words cause your heart to beat faster - now you really felt like you were going to puke.

What if you're what they, the spirits, were attacking, stalking?

You feel dizzy, but you weren't sure if it was from the woods or just your guilty conscience.

".. man in the woods might be following us right now." Sam finishes and you lay a hand on your head, thinking that it might just be whoever Sam is talking about.

"Y/n." Colby's voice causes you to lift your head, "Are you okay?" He walks up to you and Sam shines the light on you, "What's going on?"

"I'm just.. dizzy right now." You shrug, "It started when Sam said they wanted to attack and stalk us."

Now you're just totally confused on why you're dizzy because there's a dozen things that could be causing your dizziness right now.

Colby wraps an arm around you, "Do you need to sit or anything?"

You shake your head, "It went away now, let's just keep moving." You motion forward and you all walk on.

A little bit later, you push through some brush and Colby shines his light, "Oh god. Where'd the path go?"

Sam turns around, "This is where we came from, but there's three paths."

"Pink ribbons right?" Colby asks and Sam nods, "Yeah I think, they're supposed to be pink ribbons."

"There's a blue ribbon over here." Colby shines his light and Sam walks down another path, "I can't see anything down here."

You follow Colby and he yells to Sam, "Oh, here we go. Here we go!"

"Pink?" Sam asks walking over and Colby nods, looking back towards him, "Yeah."

Colby grabs your hand, leading you down the path as Sam points the camera to the pink ribbon on the tree.

"It's like a river up here." Colby says, "Oh I remember this from two years ago!"

"Yeah isn't there some sort of.. like pond? Or something?" Sam asks and you stare at the ground, trying not to trip over the rocks that are sticking out.

"It's right there." Colby points and Sam nods, "Oh, oh oh yeah! I-I just remembered going to the side of that. So we just gotta figure out - Wait." Sam says and you jump slightly as he turns the camera towards you. You laugh, "Just frogs, Sam."

"Oh god, that scared the fuck out of me." Sam laughs slightly you guys keep walking.

"Okay so you said this way?" Colby points his flashlight and Sam nods, "Well, we just gotta get to the other side of this." He points, "If I remember."

As you're walking through trees, Colby shines his light, "Oh yeah pink ribbon."

"Pink ribb-" Sam stops, "Wait." You and Colby stop, both looking at Sam as he walks up to Colby, "What the fuck was that dude?"

Colby looks at him confused.

"I hear two of your voice, like in that research section.. where like, it echoed." Sam says and Colby looks out in front of him, "Hello?"

Sam pans the camera and you guys wait for a second before Sam shrugs, "I don't know, that was weird." He sighs, "Let's keep going."

"I don't know why I agreed to coming here." You shake your head, laughing. Colby stops waiting for you to catch up to him and he leans in, kissing your head as he gives you side hug, "You love the adventure."

You smile, nodding, "Yeah, I guess so."

After a little bit more walking, the feeling of it being just the three of you, quickly started to subdue.

"We are really in the middle of nowhere." Sam says and Colby blows out air, "We've been walking, guys, for like ten minutes maybe? Fifteen?"

"fifteen." Sam nods, "Yeah probably. I just checked though, we have zero service, too."

Sam pans the camera, "We are really out in the middle of the woods, alone."

Suddenly a noise from the woods catches all of your attention, getting you all to stop in your tracks.

"What the fuck was that?" Sam whispers and Colby shrugs, whispering quickly, "Wait, whoa whoa." He turns, pointing to the woods.

Sam steps around and you move close to Sam.

"What? What was that?" Sam whispers and Colby presses his finger to his lips before pointing, and staring out at the woods.

Sam pans the camera to the direction Colby's pointing.

All you hear right now is the crickets and buzzing of other insects.

You feel a slightly eerie feeling wash over your body and you take a quiet and slow deep breath.

Colby's stare is held on the woods as he brings his hand to the side of his neck, "Alright, let's just.. keep moving, I guess?"

You walk down the dark path, all on high alert.

The woods were scary, and being told not to go there was even scarier.

"I think I see it." Colby said and you feel a slight bit of relief, mainly because you were over walking right now.

"What?" Sam questions and Colby shines his light ahead of him more, "I think that is it up here."

"Oh fuck dude." Sam says and you and Colby stop and look at Sam.

"What?" You and Colby say in unison.

"This-this light just died." Sam says and you take a deep breath as you tilt your head back, "Great."

"You're lying." Colby says, walking up to Sam. Sam shakes his head, "No this light had like thirty five minutes of battery left.. look at it."

Colby walks up to Sam and looks down at the camera that's pointed to the ground, "Let me look."

"Look. It's out of battery." Sam states and Colby shakes his head, "Okay. Let me film that because no body is going to believe that."

"Right there." Sam points to the screen, "That is actually so strange."

"Is this one charged at least." Colby questions and you lay a hand on your forehead, looking around. You feel eyes on you but you don't see anything whatsoever.

"Yeah, that one is charged." Sam nods, "That's the graveyard?"

"I think." Colby answers and Sam points to the camera, "And this just died?"

"What the fuck." You mumble, running a hand through your hair, "what the fuck."

There's a sound behind you and you all turn around, "What was that?" Sam whispers and you shrug, staring out into the woods.

Sam lays his arm over you, moving you back with him as he steps backwards, "Footsteps, footsteps."

Colby grabs your hand, pulling you with him as you run away from where the sound came from.

"I'm just scared of like, what's taking the energy. Like why did we get lured out here? And then what's like-"

Sam cuts Colby off, "Wait, dude. What if all of our lights just go out? Like there's no way we're gonna be able to get back."

"No I know." Colby nods as he continues walking, "that's why we should make this quick."

You walk up to the gravestones and sam shines the camera, "Here it is."

"This is it." Colby adds, "This was like, a lot more overgrown last time we were here."

You walk ahead a little more, shining your light on the stones as you walk by to stay with Sam and Colby.

"All the graves, guys." Sam says as he shows the camera.

Colby bends down in front of one, "George. George baker."

Sam whispers the camera away, "What the fuck was that?"

Colby continues, "Another George." You tap Colby to get his attention and you point to Sam as he speaks, "Footsteps. Footsteps. Footstep, dude!"

Colby shines his light into the trees and Sam follows it with his camera, "What the fuck is that? Dude."

You move between Sam and Colby, your heart beating faster and faster with each second.

You're all silent for a little bit as you look around to try and find the source of the sound.

"Is that tree-"

Sam cuts Colby off, "Something moving in the tree." He shakes his head, "Alright, let's just go over to James."

You move around to walk over and Sam sighs, "oh god, I can't see shit, dude."

Colby shines his light, making sure you're good before shining it onto a grave, "Oh wait, it's this one."

Sam points the camera, "There it is." He bends down slightly, "James had a god dang pentagram as if he was getting summoned into the house."

Sam talks about James and you zone out, the guilt of going to the basement slowly consuming you again.

"Eighteen sixty five. That's a hundred years before the Perron's were even here." Colby faces the camera and Sam nods, "These people might know, what's been in the woods. You know, if they've been here for this long.."

Colby nods, "okay so we have the EMF and we brought the Alice box, right?"

Sam nods, "Yeah." He looks to you and you raise your hand, "Yeah, I have it."

"Last time the Alice box gave us pretty much the direct intentions-" Sam stops talking, panning the camera out into the darkness.

You and colby shine your lights on the tree before Sam goes back to talking, the direct intentions of the people that were out in the woods so hopefully they can give us that again."

You walk over, standing next to Colby as he takes the camera from Sam. You take your backpack off, getting out the Alice box for him.

Sam takes it before walking over to crouch down in front of James' headstone, "James. We came here a couple years ago. I don't know if you recognize us, you came back to the conjuring house with us. We're really just.. coming out here to look for some answers."

He pauses before speaking again, "lot of people are scared of the woods."

The box beeps and Sam looks down, "Oh fuck." He stands up, looking between you and Colby, "Dude."

"What?" Colby asks and Sam holds the box up slightly, his stare on Colby.

"Knife." The box plays and Sam repeats it, "Knife."

"Knife!?" You and Colby ask at the same time.

"First word is knife?" Sam asks, completely shocked.

"What's that even mean?" Colby asks and Sam looks back down at the box as it beeps, "Late." He looks up, "Late at night?"

Colby shrugs and you wrap your arms around yourself as Sam asks more, "Do you happen to have any idea who the man from the woods is? He's being very cryptic with the way he was telling us to come out to the woods."

You press your fingers to your lips, watching as Sam moves around to set the equipment against the stone.

After a few minutes, the box beeps again.

Sam leans down and Colby gasps, reaching out to point, "Oh that just spiked up!"

"Violent?" Sam reads and the box replays the word, "Violent."

All three of you shout out the word, shocked.

"What ever was out here." Sam starts, "In the woods, a couple of days ago, was trying to attack us."

"You said, violent-"

The box beeping cuts Colby off and Sam leans down, "Violent land!"

A sound causes Sam to look to his right, and Colby moves the camera, "What!? What!?"

"I saw- I just saw something move to the right." Sam points and Colby taps you with his hand, "Wait, point your flashlight over there."

You point your flashlight and the Alice box beeps again, "Spell."

Colby whips the camera back to the stone and you keep your light to where Sam saw something, but you look over at the boys.

"Spell." Sam says and Colby tilts his head, "The alphabet."

You stare out at the trees, zoning out for a second before the beeping of the alice box causing you to look over, "Levitation."

"Levitation!" Colby says loudly as Sam yells, "Oh my fucking god."

"Oh fuck." You shake your head, "There's no way."

"Wait wait wait." Sam whispers quickly, "does that mean from the thing from the woods, was the thing that caused the levitation of the seance in Nineteen seventy four?"

"I don't know." Colby answers, "But it's like threatening a violent levitation, like I can do that, too."

Sam covers his mouth, same as you, "Oh my god."

"Or it, it, it's just mocking the story." Colby says quickly, right before the Alice box beeps again, "Cycle."

"Oh fuck." Sam says looking up at Colby. Colby holds his hand out, "It's like it's gonna happen again."

Sam repeats, "It's gonna happen again."

You shiver slightly, "This is fucking wild. What the fuck, I don't like this."

Colby looks at you and Sam, "I don't like this." Sam nods, "I don't like this at all."

The box beeps again, "Alignment."

All three of you repeat the word in unison, "Alignment."

"Something's about to happen." Sam waves his hand in front of him, "Levitation. Violent land."

"Colby. Colby." You tap him a few times and point, "There's like.. a light or something over there."

Sam stands up, walking over to you guys and turning to look where you're pointing, "A light? Where?"

"Yeah, there's like a flash of light over there." Sam point and you and Sam shine your flashlights in the direction it's coming from.

Your flashlight dies and you look up at Sam shocked, "What the fuck?" You look down as you tap it a few times against your hand, "it's.. it's not working."

Colby scoffs, "I don't like that we only have one flashlight now."

"I'm actually really anxious about that." You say and the Alice box beeps, catching all of your attentions.

Colby bends down with the camera, "Fight."

Sam repeats the word in a whisper and Colby stands back up, "What's that mean?" Sam shakes his head and Colby sighs, "We're gonna have to fight? It- dude. It's all like, malicious words. The fact that it said levitation, and cycle, and alignment?"

"Yeah, it's like something's about to happen." Sam stares up at colby who nods, "Yeah, it's like this is about to be the same thing, every few years."

Colby takes a deep breath, "So how do we figure out who we're talking to? I think that's the main thing here."

Sam stands up, looking at colby, "How bout this.. we're not talking to anybody else. Just you..."

As Sam continues asking questions and talking, you start to feel dizzy again.

Your heart starts racing and you can feel your hands start to shake, just like they did in the basement.

You close your eyes, trying to calm yourself down, but you start to feel like not yourself anymore.

You can tell that you're taking slow steps backwards, and you know that you shouldn't do that. You don't want to do that.

You open your eyes and gasp for air, it was almost like your breath was being held.

Sam and Colby's whip their heads around and Colby walks back to you, "Whoa, hey. What's happening?"

You shake your head, breathing heavy, "As.. Sam was.. talking.." you take a breath, holding it for a few seconds before you blow out the air, "I felt myself get dizzy, so I closed my.. eyes to try and get it to stop and I felt myself taking steps backwards. It felt like I wasn't breathing because when I-I opened my eyes I just gasped."

Colby wraps his arm around you, looking back at Sam, "okay, let's just go ba-"

"No." You cut him off, "I'm fine."

Colby states at you, "Y/n. I don't want you getting hurt. That's not why we're doing this." You nod, "I know, Colby. I know, but I want to keep doing this. This is.. this is stuff we need to get. If anything else happens, I'll tell you but.. I'm not stopping here, we're already deep into this."

Colby glances back to Sam and Sam shrugs, "She knows her limits, Colby. If she wants to keep going, I say we move to another spot because we aren't getting any names here."

Colby nods, looking back at you, "You sure you're fine?"

You nod, "Yes, Colby. I'm good."

He nods, taking your hand in his as you follow Sam to a new area. As soon as you stop walking, Sam holds up the Alice box, "Dog."

The Alice box goes off, "Dog."

Sam's head snaps to his left and Colby moves the camera to his right, "What is that!?" He asks, fear coating every word.

Sam shines his flashlight and Colby gasps, "What the fuck is that!?"

"That.. sounds like breathing." You whisper, holding onto Colby's arm, "What the fuck."

"Yeah, that sounds like.. h-heavy breathing." Colby pulls you close to him as he keeps the camera on Sam who tries to mimic the sound.

"Dog." Colby whispers after a moment of silence. Sam stares at Colby with his jaw slightly dropped. It drops more when the heavy breathing sound happens again.

"That's fucking insane." You whisper leaning out around Colby to look where Sam has his light shining.

Colby puts the camera back on Sam as he speaks, "Wait, that sounds like.. like an, instrument or something."

Sam imitates a horn sound and Colby nods, "Yeah, that's like a bass. I don't even know how to describe that." He walks a few steps away and Sam continues to ask questions, "What is that coming? Do you know?"

Colby stop, turning back around. Sam's voice goes down to a whisper, "Wait, wait. Voices."

Colby nods, "Voices, voices, voices. Wait!" He turns the camera to his right and then back to Sam, "I'm turning this off."

Colby switches the camera light off and Sam turns his flashlight off, leaving you in total darkness.

You get a strange feeling, feeling like you're back in the basement of the house.

You keep yourself calm, trying not to panic because this is a feeling you do not like, at all.

"Fuck." Sam curses, "What do we do."

It's quiet for a few seconds, then Colby speaks up, "Is that you, in the woods?"

The Alice box beeping causes you to jump, "Shit."

Sam whispers right before the Alice box says the word, "Teacher.. who is the teacher?" Sam switches his flashlight back on,

Colby gasps, his voice slightly louder, "What was that? That- dude."

"It's coming." Sam whispers and the next thing you know, Colby grabs your arm and is pulling you along as he walks away, Sam following.

"I don't want to go too fast." Colby whispers, turning back to look at Sam, "Because like, I actually think somebody's over there."

You stop and Colby shakes his head, "I'm not kidding."

The light turns off and you listen for a few seconds before Colby whispers, "You hear that?"

"No." You answer in a whisper. Sam shakes his head, "No, no I don't."

"Just wait. Just wait." Colby whispers quietly, squeezing your hand that's clinging to his, "Something is making noise."

"Something over there." Sam says as he's lit up by the red light blinking. Colby turns his head, "Now it's this way." He turns his body and sam turns too, "There's more voices?"

Colby turns again, "Now it's this way."

"Okay." Sam starts, "We're getting fucking surrounded."

"Again, again, again." Colby says taking over talking, "Okay."

The Alice box beeps and everyone waits for it to speak, "Dave."

Your heart falls into your stomach and you instantly feel your mouth watering like you're about to throw up.

"Oh my god." You lay your hand that isn't in Colby's, on your forehead.

"Dave, if you want to come back to the conjuring house with us, please follow us right now, we gotta go back." Sam speaks in one quick sentence.

"Please." Colby pleads and Sam keeps talking, "there's people surrounding us, we gotta go"

Colby holds your hand tight as he pulls you along with him, running after Sam.

"Wait, we don't have a light!" Colby yells after Sam to get him to stop. Sam turns around as you and Colby catch up to him, "Then we gotta stick together real close."

You guys run a little bit further before slowing down, "Look dude I don't want to go too fast."

The Alice box beeps and Sam looks down at it. Colby moves closer and the box sounds, "Special."

"Special?" Colby asks and Sam looks around, "Dave is special?" You walk a little bit more and Sam looks around, "there's probably actually people or something in the woods because we're hearing like weird voices-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Colby whispers, getting everyone to stop. You press your body against his back, closing your eyes as the feeling of puking returns.

What?" Sam asks and Colby leans in to whisper, "I just wanna see if we can hear what's actually out here."

It's silent, nothing but the insects for a few minutes.

"Is that a dog?" Colby asks, "It said dog."

"Dogs." Sam says with a nod.

"We're in the middle of the woods. That makes no sense." Colby whispers and Sam looks at Colby, "We're two miles in the middle of the woods-"

Sam stops talking as a noise close by makes you all freeze.

"What was that?!" Colby asks loudly.

"It literally sounds like a war horn or something." Sam says and Colby mimics the sound, "rrrrrrr."

"Like I said. Something is fucking about to start-"

Colby cuts sam off, "That's not like a car engine." Sam shakes his head, "No way. We should probably actually get back."

Sam looks at the battery percentages of the lights, "And our light's like halfway done, yours is out. Hers is out, too." Sam looks around for a second, "There's tons of dogs around."

Colby nods, "Okay. Let's go." He squeezes your hand, "Let's go."

The main focus for all of you right now, is getting back to the house.

Which you do, about twenty minutes later.

You make your way into the house, your eyes land on the door to the basement as soon as you walk in.

Your mind flashes back to you sitting down there in the chair, and you shiver as you remember the clinking sound that happened all over again.

"Everyone alright?" Sam asks as he walks through the door.

"Yeah I'm good. Are you good?" Colby pokes your shoulder and you nod, forcing a smile up at him, "Yeah, I'm good."

He nods, looking to Sam, "Ready?" Sam nods and Colby holds the camera up towards Sam.

Sam sighs, "Dude. We just got back to the house." He reaches back to close the door, "And it says one start of battery. We left and it was full. These things should last like, five hours?"

"Something was draining our power out in the woods." Colby's says and Sam nods, "genuinely. All of it. Something was taking a lot of the energy to follow us back. We invited it back."

Colby tilts his head, laughing slightly, "That could have been a mistake."

Sam pauses for a second, glancing over at you then back to Colby, "Well find out."

Colby turns the camera off and looks at Sam, "Are we ready?"

Sam stares at Colby and laughs nervously, "Now or never right?"

Colby looks at you, "Are you ready?"

You swallow, "I'm making myself not have a choice." You laugh and Colby walks up to you, embracing you in a hug.

You could cry.

You could puke.

You knew once you said something it was going to be a rough next couple of hours, even a day.

"Alright." Sam claps his hands together, "Let's do this."

Sam takes the camera and walks over to the door.

Colby walks over, standing off to the side and you're right next to him.

It felt like your heart was going to beat right through your chest. You weren't afraid of the basement. You were scared of how much disappointment Colby was going to feel when you finally told him.

Which you decided was going to be right now.

Sam reaches forward, grabbing the knob to twist. He pulls the door open.

Colby takes a deep breath, "Ahhh, my heart.. started beating faster as soon as I looked down there." He nods, looking to Sam then back to the stairs, "Abigail. Hopefully you were following us in the woods, but please, please please, I know you don't like it in the basement.. please follow us down here. We won't be too long. We need your help."

You get into a line, Colby first. Then you. Then Sam.

You felt like you were shivering because you were shaking from being so nervous.

Your heart was beating loud and hard.

Colby glances back, "Ready?"

Sam answers, but all you do is nod one time.

Colby goes down the steps, you force yourself to follow and Sam is right behind you. The camera light illuminating the stairwell.

You completely miss their commentary about the stairs. Your heart was now beating in your ears.

You knew that it wasn't you, that was down there last night. But you know Colby wasn't going to focus on that right away.

His mind is going to go to you being down there in general.

You reach the bottom and you lay your hand on your cheek. You can feel how nervous your arm by the warmth on your hand.

"Wait." Colby looks at you and Sam, "It's just us this time. This is the first time we're alone in the basement."

You sigh, forcing the words to come out of your mouth, "it's not."

Colby's head snaps towards you, "What did you just say?"

You clear your throat, "It.. um.. it's.." your voice goes quieter, "Not the first time.. for me."

Colby just stares at you, trying to fathom what you just said to him.

"Wait.. so.. you came down here? Alone? When?" Sam asks and you look at him, voice still quiet, "Last night."

"What do you mean last night?" Colby asks, "I don't.. I must not.. understand what you're saying."

"It wasn't.. um.." you wipe the sweat from your palm onto your jeans, "It wasn't me.. like.." you sigh, "It was me.. but it wasn't me, like I didn't feel like myself."

Colby looks away, jaw cocked slightly as he tries to wrap his mind around what's happening.

His silence was deafening.

After a few moments, Sam breaks it, "Can you elaborate, like what do you mean it wasn't.. you?"

You look down, trying to not look at Colby because it would just make it harder for you to talk, "I.. um. I heard my name.. being called. A few times actually. Um, then I seen a figure walk past the door way."

"Wait. Something walked past the door?" Sam asks and you can feel Colby's eyes on you, so you just nod.

"And then what happened." Colby states, his voice a little deeper, clearly with anger.

You look up at him, "I heard a door open, I wasn't sure which one u-"

"Until you got up and came down here?" Colby scoffs and Sam sighs, "Colby, just let her explain."

Colby motions and you swallow again "I tried waking both of you guys up, but neither one you heard me."

"Obviously you didn't do a very good job, now did you?" Colby shakes his head and you sigh, "Colby, I'm telling you. Something took over me. Something made me come down here. I was sitting up for a few minutes, I tried laying back down but something actually told me, whispered, go, and I just.. went."

"That's so weird." Sam says and you nod, looking at him, "Sam. I am deathly afraid of this basement, I told you guys this when you asked me to come out for a night or two. I never wanted to come down here, let alone all by myself. When I tell you that I had absolutely no fear at all about coming down here in the middle of the night, that honestly scared me more than this because you both know I wouldn't just do that."

"Where did you go?" Sam asks and you point to the table and chairs, "I literally just sat, right there in that chair."

You look at Colby and he smacks his lips as he wipes his face. He stares at the place you pointed to and stays silent for a few seconds before breaking his own quietness, "I just.. thought.. when we, uh.. first came here that we made a promise to each other not to come down here alone."

You clench your jaw, "Colby." Your voice breaks slightly, "I didn't feel like I had much of a choice."

He licks his lips, looking down at the items in his hand.

"I-I felt like I needed to come down here, like I just-" you sigh, "If I could have just went to sleep I would have done that."

Colby leans back as he looks at you, not saying anything.

He was mad. Disappointed.

He pushes his lips together, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he thinks about what he wants to say next.

"Colby.. she said something to- you can't blame y/n." Sam sticks up for you, "You and I both know that this house is.. this house is way beyond something else."

Colby sighs, "I-" he pauses, "I get that.. but like.." he looks at you then to Sam, "We said we would go to the basement, together for the first time." He looks to you, staring at you for a few seconds before speaking, "So that's like.." he shakes his head, "I'm not gonna lie, it still just.. sits a little bit wrong with me."

He shrugs, "and that you wouldn't try and wake one of us up harder, you know?" His arms fall to his sides, "This was, like.. a big moment.. for us, Sam."

"I don't think you're actually under-" Sam is cut off by Colby, "She took that.. for herself."

You close your eyes as they start to burn, "I'm sorry." Your voice cracks again, "To both of you."

You open your eyes looking up at Colby slowly. He has his jaw clenched, lips pressed tightly together as he avoids looking at you.

"Do you know what time it was when you got up?" Sam asks lowly and you shrug, "I think it was almost three, or maybe three exactly?"

Colby nods, looking towards you but his eyes are on the floor.

"I just heard my name a few times and then something whispered go and that's when I just wasn't me, Colby. You have to believe that I mean it when I say I'm sorry."

He nods, running his tongue along his teeth on the inside of his lips, thinking about the situation, "I mean.. I just wish.. you know, that you would have woke me up before.. like, it would have been nice to know that something was trying to take over my fucking girlfriend."

"I know." You whisper looking down and Colby shakes his head, letting out a sigh, "Honestly I don't even really want to keep talking about it right now. So let's just.."

"Colby." You walk up to him and he avoids eye contact, "I didn't do it for the camera, or for the channel, or for my channel. I didn't even do it for me."

"But you knew what you were doing?" He looks at you and his stare sends a shiver down your spine, causing the words you want to say to disappear.

You nod, "Yeah bu-"

He cuts you off, shaking his head, "It's fine. I get it. It's all good." He walks into the room with the table and chairs and you look at Sam.

He walks up, laying a hand on your back, rubbing gently, "It's fine. We'll talk more about it after we're done here."

You nod, wiping under your eyes before you follow Colby into the room.

"Dave, the trickster.. Abigail. Whoever's down here, we are gonna be doing the Estes method, and we also believe this is the easiest way of communication." Sam says and you just stand there, staring at the table.

"I actually have an idea." Sam points to Colby, "Before we do the estes method."

A sound causes Colby's eyes to go wide and he points at Sam and Sam gasps, "What the fuck was that?"

Colby holds his hand up, listening to see if the sound happens again.

You were honestly terrified to be down here again. You wanted to move next to Colby but you weren't sure how that would go.

You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to console yourself silently as they continue.

"Dude." Sam says quietly and Colby leans back, "Footsteps."

"What the fuck is that?" Sam whispers quieter and Colby answers, "That was footsteps."

You step closer to the table, voice as quiet as theirs, "I heard footsteps when I was down here, right after I had a vision of a soldier looking in the upstairs window."

Sam snaps his head towards you, "No fucking way."

You nod, glancing over at Colby. He looks at you and looks away, not wanting to talk about it. He points to the wall, "But it sounded like it was in the wall."

Colby reaches out, knocking on the wall, "It was like deep inside."

Sam pans the camera, "If that was you knocking.." he pauses, looking down. Colby steps towards him, "What?"

"I don't know." Sam shakes his head, "just felt like something was grabbing my foot."

"Your foot?" You and Colby say at the same time, but Colby doesn't laugh like usual.

"Yeah, it was like hard to-"

Colby yells, cutting off Sam, "Oh fuck. There's something on me."

"What? For real?" Sam asks walking over you move closer to Sam and lean over to look at Colby's leg.

"For sure, there's some-" he sets his stuff on the table and leans down, pulling up his pant leg slightly, digging in with his fingers.

"what is it?" Sam asks and Colby stands up, putting something on the table, "I don't know."

"Tick?" Sam asks and Colby points with his two fingers, "It was a fucking tick."

"Oh god." Sam groans and you cover your mouth, paranoid that you have one or two on you.

"I knew there was something on me." Colby exclaims, stepping back. He leans down, "Shit man, that is so gross dude. I hate ticks." He picks it up and leans over, flicking it down the well, "go in the well."

"Speaking of the well." Sam starts, " A lot of the things that we've gotten, and a lot of things we've talked about, is the water could be the catalyst for activity."

You raise your brows, "Oh shit."

"What if we.. kinda like how we did in the Dracula's castle episode, why don't we grab some of the well water and use that to maybe like, summon something here." Sam pauses, "If things are coming from that well, at least maybe that's like a trigger object, you know?"

Colby nods, "Yeah. Do we have anything to get the water out with?"

You look around for something and Sam scoffs, "wait, dude. This just turned off." He looks up at Colby, "As soon as you touched- it just did it again."

"See!" Colby says with his hand pointing to Sam.

You walk over to Sam, looking down at the camera and he nods, "Yeah, it just turned off again!"

"It's not just me." Colby shrugs while holding his hands out to his sides. Sam nods, "It's not just you."

Colby nods, "So maybe it was a warning, not to do that."

"Are you still going to do it?" You ask looking between them. Colby looks down at the well for a few seconds before looking up at Sam with a smirk on his lips.

His eyes go to you then back to Sam, still smirking, "Yeah."

"Oh god." You laugh slightly, "How the fuck are you going to get it?"

Sam looks from you to Colby and Colby laughs, "Sam. Hold my ankles."

Sam hands you the camera and walks around to Colby and bends down. Colby gets down on his stomach and grabs the cup.

Sam grips Colby's ankles as he inches himself forward a little bit more. He blows out air, "Catch yins on the flip side."

He leans down, groaning as he stretches to reach the water, "Oh god "

"I promise you're not going anywhere." Sam says, groaning as he holds Colby's ankles down. You can't help but laugh at this situation.

It's just so.. them.

Colby's saying something but you can't really understand him because he's laughing.

"You good?" Sam asks and Colby answers, "Yeah I'm just gonna go forward a little bit." He inches forward some more, stretching down more.

As they're getting the water, you feel an uneasy feeling, but you just brush it off.

"You got it?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, I got it." Colby answers.

In a strained voice, Sam says, "He got the well water."

Colby comes back up, setting the cup of water on the ground with a groan. You put the camera on Colby and he sighs, pointing to his shirt, "XPLR merch, down below."

You hand the camera back to Sam and step to the side. Sam looks at you, "You good." You sigh quietly, nodding, "Yeah."

"Shit dude, I ruined everything." Colby says as he brushes himself off. Sam tries not to laugh, "It was well worth it."

Colby looks up, glaring at Sam and Sam laughs, "get it?"

You laugh and walk around to sit down in a chair and you watch as Colby moves to sit next to you, Sam next to Colby.

Sam leans forward, setting the camera down on the other side of the table to get you all in frame.

"This looks oddly familiar." Colby says and Sam nods, "literally learned the Estes method in this house, two and half years ago."

You watch as Colby puts on his blindfold and you hand him the headphones.

Sam looks at Colby, "Let's try and figure out who's trying to fuck with us."

"Weird full circle moment." Colby says as he brings the headphones to his ears, but stops, resting his hands back on the table, "Yeah, so as a recap real quick.. Dave.."

Your stomach drops when you hear his name now.

".. is the soldier.." Colby continues but Sam butts in, "Who's been following us for like four days."

Colby continues, "For four days, but we initially talked to him with the Estes method out in the back yard, and then he follows us to the woods by the campsite.."

You look around, squinting your eyes behind Sam. You stare for a few seconds before looking away.

"Hopfully Abigail is still here and guides us in the right direction. Please, Abigail." Sam looks up at the ceiling and you turn your head slightly, smiling as you feel the same loving brush on your shoulder, "she's here."

Sam looks at you and Colby turns his head towards you, "How do you know?"

"She touched my shoulder." You swallow, "She did it before."

"And you know it's her?" Sam asks and you nod, "Oh yeah."

"Hmm. Alright. That makes me feel a little bit better." Sam laughs slightly, "Alright. You ready?"

"Let's do it." Colby says and as soon as he puts on the headphones, "Reason."

"Yeah we're trying to figure out the reason why you like us so much." Sam starts, "Why you want us out into the woods."

"Works."

Sam reaches over between you and Colby, whispering as he moves the cup of water towards Colby more, "We also have the well water."

"What do you want with us?" Sam asks and Colby answers right away, "Sex."

You raise a brow, "Huh?"

Sam blinks, smirking slightly, "Alright, are you just fucking with us? Are you the trickster spirit?"

"Me."

"Can you give us a name?" Sam asks and Colby is silent. Sam looks up, "Okay. Are you a solider?"

It's silent again and you lean forward, "Sam." He looks up at you, "What's up?"

"When I came down here last night, I asked if it was the trickster spirit. And whoever, whatever it was kept telling me the woods." You say and he tilts his head, "Huh, that would make sense. Wait, is that why you got dizzy in the woods?"

You shrug, "I don't know. It could be. I was thinking about that, though." You nod, "I just thought I'd tell you now so you know who didn't get mad again."

He nods, "Yeah, I get it."

"Run."

"What do you want us to run from?" Sam asks, "unless it's Abigail?" Sam looks over at you, "like warning us?"

You shrug, "That, I don't know."

"Is it something dangerous?" Sam asks and there's no answer for a little bit.

"Injury."

You and Sam both look up at the ceiling confused.

"Science."

"Oh my god." Sam whispers and you look at him, "what the fuck was that?"

Sam looks from Colby to you, "everything's moving." He goes to say something else but Colby cuts him off, "Us."

Your eyes stay on Colby and you get a sick feeling in your stomach.

"Fall."

"Do you want to hurt us?" Sam asks and you lean in, "Sam, I feel sick." He looks at you, "Are you okay? Do you need to step out or something?"

"I'm not going alone. I'll be fine." You take a deep breath, "I'm good."

"Friendly."

"Okay. So you're friendly. Is this Abigail? Are you trying to lead us somewhere else, make sure y/n is okay?" Sam looks at you and Colby answers, "Stone."

"There's a lot of stones around here." Sam says and his tone makes you want to laugh, he sounded so done.

"Oh, Sam. Another thing. When I got that vision of the soldier looking in the window, there were footsteps before and then I asked if it was watching you and Colby.." you start and Sam nods, "Yeah?"

"That's when that weird hold on me went away and I booked it back upstairs because footsteps were coming towards me but I couldn't see anything."

"Stab."

Sam keeps his stare on you, "it said knife in the graveyard." You nod and Colby speaks up, "He had to go."

"Are you a murderer?" Sam asks and there's no answer from Colby for a little while.

"James."

Sam's eyes go wide and he jumps back, "James!" He covers his mouth with his hands. You cover your mouth, eyes wide, "No fucking way!"

"That's the soldier from the secret grave." Sam looks to you and over to Colby before looking back at the table, "James. Is this you that we're talking with?"

Instantly, Colby answers, "yes."

Sam's mouth drops open, "Fuck yeah." He rests his hands against his chin, "Okay. Thank you. Who is this man from the woods?"

You start to feel dizzy again. You lay your head in your hand as Sam continues to ask questions.

"Here."

"James thinks the man from the woods is here." Sam says and you lift your head.

"He's pointing fingers."

"What does he want with us?" Sam asks and it's a few minutes before Colby answers, "Rule."

"He wants to control this.. area? Is the man from the woods actually powerful, or is he just tricking us?" Sam pauses, "James can you answer? Are you just fucking with us?"

You shake your head as you look away from Colby to Sam, "I feel.. like there's something here, like.. around us." You motion, "Like a constant presence that's moving around."

"Yes."

Sam stares at you, "He's not actually gonna hurt us, right? Nothing can happen?"

You wipe your hands on your thighs, "This is fucking scary." You take a slow, deep breath and exhale quietly.

"Future."

A minute or two of silence goes by, "Use."

"What, are you gonna use us?" Sam asks confused and Colby answers, "Help."

You and Sam both look at Colby, staring at him.

"James, do you need help?" Sam looks away and back to Colby, "How can we help you?"

You both stare at Colby, waiting for a response but nothing.

"Tell us how we can help, actually this time." Sam looks around and you feel like hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

"There's definitely something here, Sam." You whisper so quiet you weren't sure if Sam actually heard you. He looks over at you, nodding and his voice is just as quiet as you, "Yeah."

"Water."

"Is that how you get your power?" Sam motions to the cup, "We got a little of the well water right here." He looks at you and his eyes move up to above your head, like he's following something that's moving away from you.

"You."

"Are.. are both James and the man from the woods still here?" Sam asks and there isn't a response from Colby for a few minutes.

"Yes."

Your mouth, along with Sam's, drop open, "Oh shit."

"Dave."

You and Sam look at Colby, asking in unison, "Dave?"

Sam looks at you, "are there three people now?" Sam asks, "James. Dave. The man from the woods?"

"Fool."

"Fool." Sam repeats slowly.

"I'm back."

"I'm back.. as if he's been talking with us." Sam looks up at you and back down to the table, "Man from the woods, have you been with us this entire time?"

Sam pauses, waiting for a response but nothing happens for a few minutes, "You."

"Yeah, have you been with me and Colby?" He looks up at you, "or have you been with y/n?" You tilt your head down, shaking your head as you blink slowly.

"Woods.. Us.."

"Us and the woods? We were all in the woods." Sam says and there's a knock, causing you to jump slightly, "Fucking hell."

"In."

"We were all in the woods." Sam repeats, "Man from the woods, what is your name?" Colby instantly answers, "Yeah."

"I don't-." Sam rests his hand on his chin, totally consumed and Colby speaks, "Me."

"Yeah yo-"

Colby cuts Sam off, "I am."

"Are you-" Sam stops talking, looking at you confused, "Have you been-"

"Hello?"

You and Sam look at Colby and Sam stares at him as he speaks, "Hello.. have you been with us the whole time, It-" Sam is completely baffled by what you're getting back from Colby.

"Are you Dave?" Sam asks, keeping his stare on Colby.

You're so scared that you know you're going to jump when either Colby or Sam breaks the silence. You were so on edge right now, you didn't want to sit through another Estes method.

But you are.

"No." Colby moves his head slightly, "It's meee."

Sam looks away, letting his hands fall in front of him, "What the fuck?" He looks at you and you lay your hand on your mouth, shrugging as you shake your head.

"No, then it's me?" Sam whispers and Colby butts in, "Moon."

"Dave. Are you a soldier? Answer me. Who are you Dave?" Sam asks and another few minutes of silence go by, "Don't."

"You've been following us for four or five days." Sam leans forward, resting on his elbows.

"Again."

"Why don't you want to tell us who you are?" Sam asks, set on finding out who this spirit is.

"Sam." You lift your finger, pointing to the green camera light that's getting brighter by the second.

He shakes his head, letting out a sigh and Colby speaks up, "Yours.. friend."

"You want to be our friend?" Sam asks and Colby instantly answers, "Happy."

"Okay.. you like when we come talk to you Dave?" Sam asks and there's more silence before Colby answers, "Lake.. turn around."

You and Sam both instantly look behind you, a weird feeling in your stomach building up. You look forward at Sam and sigh, "This is intense."

He nods, "Are you.." he looks to his other side, "Are you right behind us?" Sam stays looking behind him as Colby answers, "Unlock."

"Unlock? Thats what it said about the door. Is the person down here right, the person that locked the door on us two years ago?"

"What?."

"Do you remember us? Cause we were here two ye-"

Colby cuts Sam off, "Yes."

"So were you the person th-"

"Yeah!"

Sam covers half of his face, "Fuck.. Dude.." He turns to Colby, fighting back the urge to tap Colby. He lays his hands on the table and before he says anything else, Colby speaks, "Here.. This.."

"Are you calling-"

Colby cuts Sam off, "Friend."

"His friend, was the one who locked us in the basement two years ago." Sam looks at you and taps the table with his fingers, "Is this friend of ours, this happy friend, the same person as the man from the woods? Are you the one calling us to the woods?"

"Yeah." Colby answers and you get a chill down your spine. That feeling like you're about to puke returns.

"Fuck." Sam leans forward.

"Smile."

Sam reaches out, grabbing Colby's shoulder speaking quickly, "Dude. Dude dude dude."

You lay your hand on Colby's opposite shoulder, "Colby."

Colby takes off the head phones and pulls the blindfold down. His hand lays over his eyes as Sam grabs the camera, "I actually think this thing that's been following us the entire time, Dave.."

Colby keeps his hand over his eyes, "Mhm."

Your fingers rub gently over his jacket as Sam continues to speak, "Is.. the man from the woods. I don't think Dave is a soldier."

"Wait, why do you say that?" Colby asks, blocking the light with his hand.

You keep your stare on Colby, making sure he's good as Sam keeps talking.

You feel that guilt feeling all over again. You don't want to feel it, not only does it make you feel upset, but you didn't want the spirits feeding off the negative emotion.

"But Dave was the soldier, because when we talked to him with the Estes method, like he was the one that came from underground." Colby says and Sam nods, continuing to talk.

Colby leans back and you drop your hand, leaning back as he speaks, "Wait. So you're saying he's been the one that's been stalking us since day one?"

You look from Colby to Sam, sitting there listening to them talk back and forth about what happened while Colby was doing the method.

You feel goosebumps form on your skin and you shiver.

"Let's check if he locked the door one more time." Sam says and you all get up, walking over to the steps.

Colby reaches back, grabbing onto your hand to pull you in front of him so you're not last on the stairs.

You look up at him and he just stares down at you, fighting back a smile because he still wants to seem mad.

You smirk slightly and walk ahead of him.

"The doors wide open? That's also bizzare, too. I thought we closed it." Sam says, turning around to look at Colby.

"When we went up and got.. the water cup? We might have-" Colby's cut off by Sam, "Oh, okay."

"You know what I just realized, too?" Colby asks as you walk out into the room, "when we first came to the basement, yesterday." He closes the door, but then opens it back up, "We did a ritual where we were saying soldier, soldier, soldier. What if that was just instantly telling, like the trickster as well, that we were trusting the soldiers too much?"

Colby closes the door, "Like duh, he's gonna act like a soldier to get on our good side."

Sam switches the green light back to the regular, white light, "Wait, the first day we did an investigation right here with Amanda. We opened the basement door and something came up and hit the REM pod."

"So you could have just let out, Dave, the trickster spirit from the basement and then ever since then he's been following us."

A knock causes you to jump and Colby wraps his arm around you, "What was that?"

"What was that?" Sam asks turning the camera, "It was like a knock on the front door."

Colby walks over, checking it out and you watch, making sure you don't see anything in the windows.

After a few minutes, Colby walks back, "Okay. Are we ready to go back down?"

Sam nods and you stand there, hesitating on how you want to answer, "Um.. I don't.. know."

"Do you feel comfortable going back down?" Sam asks and you sigh, "I mean.. yeah.. I just.." you shake your head, "Yeah. Let's just do it."

"Y/n. If you don't-"

You cut Sam off, "I'm good."

They don't argue anymore and walk over to the door. Colby first, then you, then Sam.

You make your way back down, sitting down at the same like you were before going up stairs. Sam ties the blindfold on and Colby looks at him, "Ready?"

Sam nods, "Yeah."

Colby switches on the static sound, "See how loud that is guys?" He looks into the camera and Sam puts on the headphones, immediately saying something, "Two."

"Two." Colby thinks, "there's still two of you here? I believe we were just talking to-"

Sam interrupts Colby as he continues to speak, "Young."

"Out."

"Hi."

You get instant chills and Colby looks at you, "Every single time I talk it's just talking over me." Colby looks up, making his voice louder, "Dave. Are you with me?"

A few minutes goes by, and Sam breaking the silence causes you to jump, "Here."

"Why do you want us to go to the woods so bad?"

You close your eyes, trying to keep that sick feeling at bay as Colby keeps trying to get answers.

"Evil girl." Instantly after, "Abigail."

You open your eyes, looking at Colby and you repeat her name at the same time.

"He would.. the trickster, or Dave, would think that Abigail is evil-"

"Dead."

"Dave I need you to be clear with me, why do you want us to go to the woods?"

Sam doesn't say thing for a few minutes, but within those few minute, you reach out, laying your hand on Colby's arm and his hand goes to lay on yours, "What's up?"

"I don't feel like it's just us again." You shake your head, "Someone else is here. Something else, or whatever. We're not alone."

"Down."

"Person."

Colby looks from you to Sam, and back to you.

"Blame."

"So if there's other people down there as well, is that what you're saying? Other spirits that you know?" Colby asks and Sam responds, "Seven."

Colby's mouth drops and he leans back, "we've been getting seven all the time.."

"Line em' up."

"Are these seven spirits dangerous?" Colby asks and you jump as something brushes against your leg. You refuse to look, mainly because you're scared.

"Who are these seven spirits in the woods with you? Are they other earth bound spirits, possibly?" Colby asks and you sit there in silence, awaiting a possible answer from Sam.

"With you."

You look at Colby, "Is that why I don't feel like it's just us?"

"If there's seven spirits with us now.. I mean.."

"Basement."

Your eyes go wide, "seven spirits here. In the basement."

"Do you have a plan to do something to us is we go to the woods?"

Sam answers Colby immediately, "Spooked."

You nod, your voice quiet, "Yeah, we're for sure spooked."

"Why didn't you scare us when we were there earlier tonight?" Colby asks and you look between him and Sam, wishing you weren't scared enough to leave the basement alone.

"Was that you making noises in the woods? Were you trying to scare us?"

Sam doesn't answer, he just sits there.

"Find out."

You feel like your skin is crawling with the cryptic responses. You were so on edge right now, you wanted to leave and never come back.

Colby looks at you, "That's the same thing is said yesterday.. come find out."

You place your elbows on the table, holding your head between your hands.

"Are you okay?" Colby whispers and you nod slightly, "I'm starting to get a headache."

"I promise."

"What's gonna happen?" Colby asks and there's another long pause, the pain in your head growing worse by the second.

"Trauma."

You look up at Sam and you close your eyes.

"Stone."

"Stone?" Colby questions and you lean back slowly, taking a deep breath as you rest your hands on the table.

The pain in your head is slowly dying down.

Colby continues asking questions and you feel that feeling of not being alone creep in again, this time it's more of a heavier feeling.

You can feel it, weighing down on you like something is pressing on your shoulders and you're resisting.

"It's time."

"I can sense."

The feeling disappears and you slam your hand on Colby's arm, "I just felt like something was weighting down my shoulders and when Sam said it's time, it went away."

"Is that plan happening now? When is it going to happen? Were you just touching y/n?" Colby asks, glancing from Sam to you, "Why would we come back there if you're saying you're going to attack us?"

"Pause."

"Dude." Colby rubs his eyes and you sigh, "i have a question, were you the one we were talking to two years ago?"

"You're scared."

Colby laughs slightly, "we were terrified."

"Don't record."

You glance to the camera and back to Colby.

"Dave.. do you call yourself Beelzebub?"

"I dare you."

You all sit there in silence, you mainly thinking about everything.

"I like you."

"At this point, we just know you're trying to get on our good side. So, it's not gonna work."

"Family."

"Do you do this for a specific reason?"

You lay your hands on your head, resting your elbows on the table.

Your headache returns.

"Heaven."

"Do you get power from scaring people?" Colby asks and you swear you hear a knock, but before you can say anything, Sam cuts you off, "Come in."

"It's the same thing. He's not answering any questions. It's the same things.. just come to the woods."

"My head hurts again." You look at Colby and he leans in, "Do you need to leave?"

"I'm not going by myself. I'll be fine." You take a deep breath, "it was hurting just a few minutes ago.. stopped, and now it hurts again."

"Did it do this when you were down here-"

Sam cuts Colby off, "Alone."

"No." You answer quickly, "It didn't."

"You know, that makes sense though, the owner did say the best way to get evidence is to be alone." Colby looks at you, snapping his head to Sam.

"He's ready."

You point to Sam, "Colby. Look at him."

Colby watches Sam and tilts his head, "He's like.. shaking.." He looks at you, "I'll pull him out of this in a second.."

You nod, sitting up and watching Sam intently. He shakes his head back and forth, just acting weird.

"Colby, I don't .. I don't like this." You look at Colby and he shakes his head, "Yeah neither do I."

"Thank you." Sam says, sounding normal.

Colby just stares at him as he places a hand on his shoulder. Sam reaches up, brushing his other shoulder before moving to take off the headphones.

Colby moves his hand and Sam brushes his shoulder again, almost in a panic to take off the blindfold.

"Why you acting like that?" Colby asks, kind of worried.

"Dude." Sam shakes his head, hand still on his shoulder, "I-" he stumbles over his words before he stands up, moving behind Colby, "It felt like someone was leaning in like this."

He demonstrates and Colby looks at you, eyes wide, "Isn't that-"

"Uh huh." You nod, "I felt that same thing."

"It felt like it was pushing me down." Sam moves to sit down and Colby nods, "Yeah your legs were shaking. I stopped it mostly because y/n kept getting headaches and I wanted to see, like what you were doing."

"I don't think I've ever felt an Estes method like that.. I don't.." he looks between you and Colby, ".. Was I like.. it literally felt like-"

"Just pressure on your neck and shoulders?" You ask and Sam nods, "Yeah, the pressure."

"It was your legs that were freaking me out because you were just like starting to twitch and like-"

Sam cuts Colby off, "that's what I'm saying like, the Zack Bagans thing.. my legs were tensing up as if I needed to like, move or I'd get up.. it was just fucking weird."

"Okay let's just.. get out of here. We can talk about it all upstairs." Colby stands up, "How's your head?" He looks at you and you nod, "It's fine again."

"The camera turned off." Sam says and Colby goes to grab it. He turns it back on and it shuts off again, "it just turned off twice, in a row, right when I grabbed it.."

"Alright let's just get upstairs." Sam says and you all start to gather the things from the table. Colby yelling causes you to jump, "Three times!?"

"Let's just go. Let's go." Sam says and it turns off again, "What's fucking happening? I'm holding it with my left hand because I'm holding this." Colby shows his hand and you turn your head, almost like a scuffling abound capturing your attention.

"Guys." You hold your arm out towards them but the camera shutting off has their attention.

You look back at them, then back into the darkness and the same footsteps that came after you while you were down here alone, come after you again.

You let out a yell, moving to stand between Sam and Colby.

"What!? What what?!" Colby asks wrapping his arm around you.

"Footsteps. Like footsteps running towards me just happened and that same thing happened last night when I was coming back up the steps." You lean into Colby and he sighs, "We need to be recording."

"Here. I'll just.." Sam starts recording on his phone. He explains what you heard and Colby holds the camera out, "Guys. Look look."

"It's just turning off." Sam says and Colby holds it back up, "Look watch. Are you gonna do it again? Turn off the camera."

Sam shakes his head, "Dude, I just don't think we should fuck with it like that."

"No that was five times in a row, Sam." Colby argues, "You got that right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got it." Sam says. You sigh, "I think we just need to get out of here."

You all go up the steps, stepping out the door way and you take a deep breath, "Oh my god."

"It's still turning off." Colby says, and suddenly the light goes off, causing you all to yell.

"This is a brand new light." Sam says, "let's just go outside."

As you go outside, Sam pulls the door shut, "What the fuck is happening." Colby shrugs, "I don't know dude. Something is trying to delete the footage."

They go back and forth about it for a second and then Colby looks at you, "Are you okay?"

You nod, "No, yeah. I'm good. I feel better now that we're out here." You walk over to him, "Are you still mad at me?"

He pulls you into a hug, "Were definitely going to talk about everything in detail when we get a second, but as of right now I'm just glad that nothing serious happened to you."

"So you still love me?" You look up at him and he looks down at you, "Yes. Of course I love you. I love you, even when I'm mad at you."

He smiles and leans down to peck your lips, "so are you sleeping with me tonight or are you-"

You cut him off, "Going to a hotel? Yes. I'll see you in the morning."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

I hope you enjoyed this. I wrote so much my Wattpad started to slow down and didn't keep up with me so I'm sorry if there's any major mistakes.

Thanks for reading! Love yas!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

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7s3ven · 4 months

Text

DRIVING LESSONS. luke (pjo)

Normal! Au

( master list )

IN WHICH… Luke attempts to teach Percy how to drive and, in the process, almost crashes into Luke’s long time crush. But maybe he can spin it in his favor.

—

Luke was like an older brother to many. He had warm and comforting aura that people seemed to gravitate towards.

“Don’t get hurt, seaweed brain.” Annabeth warned Percy, pointing a stern finger at him. Luke chuckled as he leaned against the hood of his shiny car. Percy needed driving lessons and Luke was more than happy to help. Though, he knew he was going to regret it. Annabeth and Sally were both too terrified to teach Percy but Luke was up for the challenge.

“Turn on your blinker, Percy.” Luke reminded the teenage boy for the fifth time.

“My what?” Percy only stared at Luke in utter confusion.

“Your turn signal. And keep your eyes in the road!” Luke exclaimed as another car whizzed past, narrowly avoiding crashing into them. Percy immediately glued his eyes back to the view in front of him, sheepishly smiling.

"Sorry." He whispered.

“Turn slowly here.” Luke instructed, nodding when Percy finally remembered to press his blinker. Percy turned painfully slow, matching the speed of a sloth, and Luke held back an annoyed groan.

“So, when did you start driving?” Percy asked. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Luke shrug.

“I’m not sure. Around your age or a little older.” Luke was in his twenties now, already having secured a well-paying job which helped pay for half of Annabeth’s tuitions. The other half was paid by a scholarship she earned.

“Have you met any cute girls?”

Luke lightly snorted, grinning in amusement. “Why are you asking me that, Percy? You know I can see how you look at Annabeth. I should be asking you how it’s going with her.”

Percy and Annabeth had always been stuck between friends and lovers and it was driving Luke insane. He wanted to shove the two of them together and demand they admit their feelings.

“Okay, but have you met any cute girls?” Percy was persistent, which suited his given name. Luke scoffed, tilting his head back. He had but he didn’t want to admit it to Percy. How was he supposed to tell Percy that he was still in love with the same girl from high school?

He thought he was over his feelings but he saw her in a coffee shop one day and everything came flooding back. Their playful flirting, their late night rants as they lay in each other’s arms while listening to Luke’s playlist, and that kiss they shared in their last year. Annabeth was already calling Luke a loser for liking her again, he didn’t need Percy doing the same.

“I guess.” Luke finally answered. “I’m not really attached to any of them, though.” Because his mind was always on Y/N, his high school sweetheart.

“Are you gay?” Percy asked out of the blue, causing Luke to choke in surprise.

“Am I- No! I’m not gay, Percy! I like girls but I wouldn’t date any of the girls I meet!”

“Is it because you’re still obsessed with her?”

Luke knew who he was talking about. He clicked his tongue, giving Percy the indirect answer that he needed. Percy wasn’t so clueless after all.

In all Luke’s years of babysitting Annabeth and Percy, he had only brought one girl over, who happened to be Y/N. They were working on a school project but Annabeth still liked to tease him about the way he gazed at Y/N.

Percy made the mistake of tearing his eyes away from the road again. “Percy!” Luke shouted as soon as he spotted someone walking across the pedestrian crossing, “Eyes on the road!” Percy, in a panic, slammed his foot against the break. The car screeched to an abrupt halt and both boys were sent flying forward. If it weren't for their seat belts, they would've crashed through the windshield.

There was a soft knock on Luke’s window and he turned his head, mortified to see the very girl he was just thinking about. The brunette slowly rolled the window down, thickly gulping.

“Hey.” Y/N greeted him, resting her arms on the sill, “You know, people usually stop at the crossing. They don’t almost run someone over.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. It’s his first time and he’s still pretty nervous.” Luke jabbed a thumb in Percy’s direction. The blond boy was sweating, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He sent Y/N an apologetic smile.

“Oh, Percy. I haven’t seen you in a while.” Y/N grinned at him, “You’ve grown up so fast. Last time I saw you, you were smashing into walls.” Percy’s cheeks heated up at the memory. “Glad to see you still have that habit. Though, instead of walls now, it seems you like to crash into people. You weren't thinking of committing a hit and run, right?"

“How have you been, Y/N?” Luke changed the subject to spare Percy from the embarrassment of Y/N’s teasing remarks. “You disappeared after high school. And the last time I saw you was in a cafe. I barely had time to ask.”

“I went to university in Europe.”

“And you got your law degree, I assume?”

“Conjoint, actually. I majored in law with a minor in psychology.”

Luke whistled, impressed. He barely passed university. “So, what are you doing now?”

“Well, I was taking a calming walk before I almost got killed.” She chuckled, an amused glimmer flashing in her eyes. Percy sank deeper into Luke’s leather car seat. “If you need help with teaching Percy to drive, I’d be happy to help. You look like you need it.” She fished out a card from her purse, handing it over to Luke. “I changed my number, by the way. That’s my personal one. Feel free to contact me, Luke.”

She bid the pair farewell and once she was out of earshot, Percy and Luke turned to face each other.

“Oh my gosh, she gave you her number!”

“Bro, I got her number!”

It was safe to say that Luke spent the rest of the terrifying car ride feeling elated despite being tossed around in the vehicle with Percy and almost throwing up once or twice.

Luke was dreading the next day with Percy because the young boy was not a good driver. At all. Not only had Percy narrowly avoided crashing into a pole and took off one of Luke’s mirrors in the process, but they also got chased by the cops for going over the speeding limit. Twice. And he couldn't forget how they almost killed Y/N.

Luke was thinking of ditching Percy but he was technically Annabeth’s boyfriend, even if she didn’t want to admit it.

His phone buzzed and his eyes darted to the screen for a split second. He looked back at the road, quickly stomping his foot onto the break. His heart sank for the second time this week. This was not how he wanted to meet Y/N again.

Y/N was teasingly grinning as she made her way over to his window. She knocked on it, bending down to match his height. “Hey, Luke.” She uttered, clicking her tongue. She playfully pursed her lips as she watched Luke sigh, his head resting against the wheel. “You and Percy seem to have one thing in common. Almost crashing into me.”

Luke’s cheeks flushed bright pink. “I didn’t mean to… I swear.” He uttered.

“It’s fine, Luke. As long as you don’t actually hit me. Because if you do, I will run you over too.” Y/N smiled, acting as if she didn’t just whisper a threat in Luke’s ear.

“I’m actually going to pick up Percy right now. Do you want to, uh, join me? I might throw up less with you around. Partly in fear of embarrassing myself.” Luke chuckled to himself while Y/N huffed in amusement.

“As long as I don’t land in hospital, I’m up for it.”

“No promises.”

Y/N climbed into the passenger seat, shutting the door behind her. She tilted her head to the side as she picked up a Lancôme lipstick. “I never took you as lipstick person, Luke.” She joked, holding up the tube.

“It’s Clarisse’s.” He said. Despite their differences, the two were quite close in high school. And they still were.

“You two dating already? Everybody shipped you two.” Y/N chuckled, turning her head to look at Luke.

“We’re just friends.” Luke said.

“Oh, come on. You must like a girl. Who’s the lucky one, huh?”

You, Luke almost said.

“I’m not interested in any girls right now.” He said instead. Y/N quirked an eyebrow.

“Are you gay? Wait, I kissed you while you were gay?!” Y/N gasped while Luke wildly shook his head.

“Why does everyone think I’m gay?!” He exclaimed.

"You've never dated anyone, Luke. It makes people think things." Y/N chuckled as leaned back in her seat. "I remember when everybody thought you and Chris were an item. Your fangirls were devastated. It was hilarious."

"What about you?" Luke asked, "How did... you feel?" Y/N faltered. She slowly turned her head to look at Luke before shyly diverting her gaze.

"I was more preoccupied with laughing over the sad girls with my friends." She uttered, "But I had a feeling you weren't gay. Your fashion sense back then was a dead give away that you were straight."

Luke clicked his tongue, "Was that meant to be an insult or a compliment?"

Y/N silently shrugged, flashing him a small grin. "A bit of both, I think."

Silence eventually settled between the pair. The car engine quietly hummed and Y/N glanced out the window as the radio played a soft melody. She thickly gulped as Luke pulled into Percy's driveway, a little disappointed they'd no longer be alone.

"Y/N." Luke quickly turned to her as soon as he pulled the keys out of his car. She met his gaze, confused as she gestured for him to continue. She watched as Luke took a deep breath. "Do you remember when I asked you if you had a partner for prom?"

"Of course. I went with Jake."

"I know that. But do you remember when you told me about Jake and I looked a little sad?" Luke was usually straight-forward with his sentences but he couldn't find the right words in this moment. Y/N slightly tilted her head.

"Yeah... you looked crushed." She said in a joking tone, causing Luke to gently chuckle.

"I looked sad because... I wanted to ask you out. Because I liked you. And I didn't ask anyone else out or accept any other offers because you were the only person I wanted to go with. And when you kissed me in our senior year, I couldn't feel happier, even if it was only because you wanted to feel a teen romance. And when you left... I didn't leave my room for ages. Annabeth had to drag me out. I was scared that you would find another person and I didn't want you to leave me behind."

Y/N gazed at him in silence. Luke cleared his throat, nodding his face. "I shouldn't have said anything... sorry. All those things were ancient history. I don't even know why I brought it up."

"What about you?" Y/N breathed, "Is there anyone else in your life?"

Luke pressed his lips into a thin line. "No... To be honest, I still haven't moved on from you." He turned his head to face Y/N, taken aback when she pressed her lips against his.

"I didn't find anyone else, Luke. I wanted to come back from university and run into your arms again, like old times." Y/N uttered as she pulled away. Luke cracked an ecstatic grin, pulling her back.

"Are you guys seriously making out in front of my house?"

Y/N and Luke jumped apart at the sound of Percy's voice. The younger boy was staring at them through the tinted window, face wrinkled up in disgust.

"I'll, um, get in the backseat." Y/N said, smiling before she switched seats, allowing Luke to sit beside Percy. The brunette gave the boy a subtle glare.

"Can I turn on some music?" Percy asked as he drove down an empty road. Luke had switched off the radio to allow the blond to concentrate.

"Only for a little while. Keep your eyes on the road so you don't almost kill anybody else." Luke snapped. From the backseat, Y/N lightly laughed.

Percy pushed a button and with a quiet click, Olivia Rodrigo started playing. "Really, Luke? Your sad playlist?"

"It's the only other tape in my car."

"I got my driver's license last week"- Percy sang along but he was cut off by Luke's stern tone.

"Percy, you won't be getting your license for ages if you don't focus on the road." The brunette warned. Percy frowned, going silent for a few moments before he parted his lips again.

"He used to listen to this playlist in his car while it rained. He was probably thinking about you." Percy said to Y/N, looking at her through the mirror, "I think he even cried at some point. Annabeth and I saw him one night, just sitting in the car and banging his head against the wheel."

"Percy!" Luke hissed, trying to shush the boy. But the damage was already done as Y/N diverted her eyes to look at Luke.

"Really?" There was an amused edge to her voice.

"Stop the car." Luke demanded, glowering at Percy. The young blond nonchalantly pulled over and stopped the engine. "You're dead, Percy. I'm going to tell Annabeth how you still drool in your sleep." Luke pulled out his phone, causing Percy to panic.

"I told her I stopped!" Percy reached for Luke's device but the brunette quickly stepped out of the car. He held the phone up high, away from Percy's grasp. Y/N watched as Percy chased after Luke, desperate to hide his drooling problem from Annabeth.

Luke turned his head to scowl at Percy. "It's your payback for telling Y/N that!"

idea from @emiliehornby !!

PJO TAG LIST : @lostinhisworld @julielightwood @outerbanks-stuff @jennapancake @csifandom @evrybodydies1 @kkrenae @s0ulsniper @annispamz @justanotherkpopstanlol @soraya-09 @simpforeveyone @papichulo120627 @corpsebridenightamare @lilacspider @prettylilsimp @urmomsbananabread @ur-lacol-dsylexic @hottiewifeyyyy @kamiliora @be-bap @finnickodaddy @th0tblckgrl @shoyofroyoyoyo @uniquely-her @imafrkinsimp @syraxesrevenge @ahh-chickens @dracoslovergirl @midnightstar-90 @8812-342 @liv1104 @krkiiz @arialikestea @ch16rles @lizziesliz @maryclx01 @lukecastellandefender @yuminako @coryoskywalker @julielightwood @crybabysbakery @jsbabyyy @liviessun @p3pperm1nttea @angie-esc @purplerose291 @prettylilsimp @10ava01 @froggiesstalks @happy-jj @czennieszn @gisellesprettylies @loveyava @csifandom @luvvfromme @mashiromochi @kamiliora @yorksyree @mqg125 @jamesmackreideswife @niktwazny303 @2hiigh2cry @user021099 @living-in-my-imagination88 @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @randomgurl2326 @niktwazny303

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zeroeightzeroone · 6 months

Text

lover of mine - bang chan

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

pairings: idol!bang chan x female reader

warnings: none

notes: if this looks familiar, it was originally posted to my secondary blog @zerothreetwentyfive so i'm republishing everything here on my main blog.

wc ~3k|moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:

"i'll never give you away, 'cause i've already made that mistake,

if my name never fell off your lips again, i know it'd be such a shame.

when i take a look at my life, and all of my crimes, you're the only thing that I think I got right."

lover of mine - 5 seconds of summer

you always thought that the next time chan would be making you cry would be at your wedding ceremony.

initially, you would try to hold in your tears, just enough so that you weren't full-on sobbing and ruining your makeup. eventually failing as the tears flow freely listening to the man tell you the moment he fell in love with you, the moment he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and the promises he vows to keep forever. chan's eyes would never leave yours as you exchanged vows; in that moment, only you and chan existed, the proclamation and celebration of your love were the only things that mattered.

instead, here you are crying over chan. sitting in the driver's seat of your car, sobbing over the man who once said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, now not wanting to fight for that future anymore.

…

"you're doing it again."

the sound of your best friend's voice snaps you out of your thoughts, attention now on the girl sitting across from you, "huh?"

she reaches over and places her hand on yours with a sympathetic smile on her face. no words are needed from her to make you realize what you were doing whilst zoning out; fiddling around with your ring finger. a habit you picked up after chan proposed, and a habit that hadn't changed even without the band on your finger; your fingers instinctively moving to spin and twist a non-existent ring.

"right," you clear your throat awkwardly.

your hands slipping out from under hers, sliding them under your thighs hoping that maybe sitting on your hands would work against the habit.

"how are you?"

the word 'lost' feels like an understatement. the word couldn't encapsulate even a quarter of your feelings.

you felt directionless, overwhelmed by the constant switch between emotions: anger, frustration, sadness, and denial, it left you exhausted. day by day, you only grew more emotionally drained, the desire to feel nothing only intensifying.

the mere thought of the dimpled man gave you whiplash, your heart and your head conflicting with each other and your feelings pulling you from one end to the other. you couldn't pinpoint exactly how you felt about him.

god, you wished that you didn't even think about him.

you wished that you weren't plagued by the thought of him at every waking moment. everything reminded you of him, everything brought you back to the memory of how easy it was for him to let you, the person he proclaimed to want to spend the rest of his life with, to watch them walk out the door, to just give up without a fight.

why couldn't it have been easy for you too? why couldn't you just let him go the way he did you? forget him like he meant absolutely nothing?

as much as you wished it was, you knew it wouldn't be easy to move on from chan.

your early adulthood started with chan, moving in with him almost a year and a half after you started dating. he became a part of your routine and you became part of his; there was a time when your day didn't feel complete without hearing a goodnight from him or getting that goodnight kiss. your lives were intertwined, and your future plans were intertwined.

you believed chan was your future. he made you believe that you would write the next chapters of your lives together, that you two would be side by side on the road to forever. you envisioned your future with chan, without him you've hit a crossroads, struggling to navigate where to go from here. you were scared.

scared to learn what the future holds for you, scared to take a step towards a future without him.

on top of all that came public attention.

the news about your breakup hadn't been confirmed by chan or jyp entertainment. regardless that didn't stop the speculations and rumours that came with the lack of seeing you and chan in public together, seeing you without your ring, and other proofs fans would dig up. the algorithm also working against you as whenever you refreshed social media, the first couple of posts would be news articles, headlines and what have you, discussing the speculations.

'did stray kids' bang chan and his long term girlfriend call it quits?'

'fans of stray kids speculate bang chan and his partner have called off the engagement'

'netizens react to alleged proofs that bang chan and long term girlfriend have split up'

'breaking: did stray kids' bang chan and girlfriend split up? here's why fans are wondering about the status of the long-term couple'

your comments were flooded with questions regarding the rumours, mourning fans hoping that they were baseless and haters congratulating you on setting the man free. you wondered why the news hadn't been spoken about by chan or any official representatives but the speculations drove you to log out of social media. the realization that one day the articles and headlines will change from 'speculations' to 'confirmations' the anticipation and anxiety driving you insane.

you look back up to your friend, your lips pursed together in a small smile as you reply:

"i'm fine."

…

"chan hyung!"

the boy pulls the pillow up and over his head, trying to block out the noises from outside the door. hoping that the longer he ignored, the realization that he wanted to be alone would sink in and everyone would leave him be. that hope was short-lived as the door swung open.

"chan hyung!" changbin calls from his spot at the door, "you need to eat something."

from where he's standing, changbin watches chan groan out a response from under the pillow, making no effort to get up and go eat something. changbin's eyes drift to the older boy's bedside table, a picture frame is lying face down (probably a photo of you), and sitting on top of the frame is a gold band with a large diamond: your engagement ring. the sight of the band sitting on chan's bedside table and not on your finger has a small frown adorning changbin's lips.

"hyung, i know it's hard but please. you need to take care of yourself too," the younger boy sighs, "locking yourself in your room won't do anyone good."

of course, it wasn't easy for them to see chan in such a state.

chan had always been the one putting up a strong front, walking around with his head up no matter the circumstances as the leader. but these past couple of weeks, whenever chan was out of the public eye he'd walk with his head down, dragging his feet, no words leaving him. almost like he's being forced to be anywhere outside of his bedroom.

the members in the other dorm were curious about their leader, wondering how he'd been holding up but chan stopped replying to the group chat. it got to the point where the members made a chat without chan, using that to ask jisung, changbin and hyunjin how the older one was doing.

for as long as you were in chan's life, you were also in the member's lives. the news of the breakup came as a shock to them as well. they were all curious as to how you were doing too, but were hesitant to ask you directly for fear of making things harder for you. you met all of them through chan, and seeing their names pop up on your phone may just be another reminder of your ex.

changbin's eyes are on chan as the older boy takes the pillow off his head, slowly sitting up on the bed, feet hitting the floor but making no move to stand up. instead he's slouched over, head in his hands and sighing.

"do you, uh…" chan's voice barely above a whisper, "do you think i made a mistake?"

changbin shuts the door behind him hearing chan's question, realizing right now his friend needed someone to talk to before, maybe, going to eat something.

leaning against the door, he replies, "what do you mean?"

"w– was proposing… a mistake?"

"do you feel like it was a mistake?"

chan shakes his head, "no."

"did you mean everything you said when you proposed?"

"yes."

"then it wasn't a mistake."

chan lifts his head out of his hands, head turning to the younger boy leaning at the door. even in the dim purple lighting of chan's room, changbin can see how glossy his eyes are, how the bags under his eyes have gotten more prominent since yesterday.

"was… was letting her go," chan's voice shaky, "a mistake?"

changbin pushes himself off the door, making his way to sit next to his hyung on the bed. a comforting hand moving to chan's back.

"that's a question only you can answer," changbin's lips are pursed to one side, a sympathetic look in his eyes as he continues, "did it feel like a mistake at the time?"

"i- i thought i was doing the right… thing," chan's voice pitches higher at the end, questioning his own answer, "when i came home, an–and saw the dinner table, full of food she made for us. when she told me everything she was feeling, the look i-in her eyes."

chan loves your eyes, it's by far his favourite thing about you.

looking into your eyes had him falling in love with you before he even knew it. looking into them made it feel as if he was looking into your soul, almost like your eyes could tell him what your words couldn't. chan's day would immediately be flipped upside down just at the sight of your eyes, a shitty day becoming the best day when he caught a glimpse of those radiant, warm pools of life, your eyes sparkling with a zest and excitement for life that sent a wave of comfort over him. whenever he looked at you, that glimmer of hope in your eyes made him feel like everything would be okay.

but that night, the look in your eyes that night is seared into chan's memory. haunting him whenever he closes his eyes, whenever his eyes fall on your ring sitting on his bedside table.

that night when you told him just how lonely you'd been feeling, how you felt like he was treating you like the help and not as his fiancé; those words knocked some sense into chan. the harsh reality glaring him down: he had been falling short in your relationship. he had been so blind to that fact for who knows how long, listening to you had chan wallowing in guilt.

at one point chan felt like he was a third person watching everything go down, but it felt like he was watching you and a whole different person. he wondered why he wasn't saying anything, why he couldn't move, why he couldn't feel anything other than guilt eating him alive.

when he looked into your eyes, that's when everything came crashing down.

the eyes that once gleamed up at him, washing a wave of comfort and reassurance through his body were boring into his own. the contrast had his blood running cold. the sight of your hollow and dull orbs gazing up at him, even the sources of light around you did nothing to bring back that sparkle. the way your eyes looked incredibly sunken in, tired, swimming with distress as they searched his. he wondered how he hadn't seen the change before.

a change that happened because of him. the light in your eyes is gone all thanks to him. he wanted to be the one to preserve and make sure your eyes light up for the rest of your life, but instead he's the reason you look defeated. he couldn't handle the guilt eating him up at the sight.

"i-i broke her," chan whispers, "you could see it in her eyes how my shortcomings, the ones i was too blind and stupid to notice… that broke her. i broke her."

changbin doesn't say anything.

"i thought it would be better for me to let her go… get her away from me who was sucking the life out of her," chan's hands run through his hair, "she deserves so much more than me."

the older boy cries. his thoughts, feelings, everything just clouded with you.

"hyung," changbin's tone is soft, feeling out the atmosphere, "don't you think that it's sucking the life out of her even more, to be away from you?"

this time chan is the one who doesn't say anything.

"she wanted you to stay, she wanted you to convince her to stay."

"convince me to stay… please."

"i'm sorry."

"yes. from what you told us the day after you broke up, she does deserve better."

changbin's words send a dagger to chan's heart.

"but don't you want to be the one she deserves?"

chan's head turns to look at changbin.

"you need to work to be better, to be the one y/n deserves. that's what she wants, she wants you hyung."

"… m-me?"

"she wouldn't have said yes to marrying you if she didn't want you for the rest of her life."

…

your plan for the day was to wake up around noon, order some takeout or ransack your best friend's freezer for some food (and ice cream), chill on the couch and watch some netflix. instead you're jolted awake, at ten in the morning, by pounding at the front door.

rolling your eyes in annoyance, stretching your arm out, feeling around before grasping a pillow and clutching it over your head, trying your hardest to block out the noises and fall asleep. hoping the longer you hold out, it will give off the illusion that no one's home and come back later. a couple moments pass, a sigh of relief falls from your lips when the knocking stops, allowing you to loosen your grip on the pillow around your head.

maybe the neighbours got annoyed and kicked whoever that was out.

at the silence, you roll onto your side and shift your body around to get comfortable in the mattress. another long breath leaving your lips once that optimal position to fall asleep in is found, closing your eyes and getting ready to be lulled back into dreamland.

now you think someone is fucking with you.

the knocking starts up again, for a second you thought you'd fallen asleep and the knocking was continuing in your dreams but no. sadly, you weren't lulled back into dreamland like you hoped, the pounding in your head making it apparent that this was indeed, reality.

on top of all the things happening in your life lately, being woken up by a stranger relentlessly hammering the life out of their fist on your– actually, your best friend's– door is the kicker to a great day. a whine leaving your lips as you roll out of bed, pouting as you trudge to the door of the guest bedroom and continue your trek down the hall, towards the front door.

sure, you wouldn't have minded if your best friend, the person who lives in this unit, was actually home to answer the door. alas, she's at work whilst you're here; straightening out your pyjamas and plastering the fakest smile on your lips whilst you undo the locks, twisting the doorknob and swinging the door open.

"hello, mis—"

your jaw drops. posture immediately straightening due to the wave of tension that rushes through your veins, your mind comes up with two options: hide behind the door or run. your heart begins to race in your chest, tears threatening to spill at any moment but your feet are cemented to the ground. any urge you had to run away and hide quickly depleting at the sight of the man in front of you, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"chan… wh-what are you doing here?"

there he is: the man of the hour.

in front of you, in the flesh. standing a couple inches away from you clad in his usual all-black attire. you're avoiding his gaze but can't seem to pry your eyes off the bouquet in the man's hold.

a medley of red and white roses, baby's breath peeking throughout the arrangement.

"i- i needed to see you," chan's voice comes out husky.

shifting awkwardly on your feet, you sigh, "how did you know i was here?"

"multiple calls to your best friend and a long speech," he uses his free hand to scratch at the back of his neck, a nervous smile on his lips.

'she's getting a long speech from me too.'

"okay, well…" you clear your throat, "you saw me so bye."

you go to shut the door but chan stumbles forward, holding it open as he stands in the doorframe. the gush of air from his sudden movements gives you a whiff of his cologne. that along with the closer proximity has a lump forming in your throat.

"w-wait, i wanted to talk too."

"y-you spoke and so did i so, bye," you choke out, trying to close the door again but to no avail as his body blocks your way, "please chan, what more do you want from me? don't make this harder for me."

chan reaches forward at the sight of a tear falling, wanting to wipe it away but you flinch away from his touch. your reaction has chan recoiling, he shifts awkwardly on his feet. you go to turn away from him.

"i made a mistake," he states, his words coming out rushed.

you gulp, angling your body towards the man again. this time your arms crossed over your chest, your gaze still falling away from his face. chan's throat clears when he realizes that you're not going to speak.

"that night, i shouldn't have let you go," he continues, "i should've told you, said something, said anything to convince you to stay… but… fuck. i- i was scared."

your eyes glance up at his face, only to look away just as quickly.

"you're probably thinking, of what?" chan runs a hand through his hair, "but listening to everything you said, everything that i was stupid, ignorant enough not to notice, all those things that i did– or, uh didn't do… that hurt you. it scared me to tell you i wanted you to stay."

your eyebrows furrow in frustration, this time your gaze stays on his face, making no move to wipe the tears running down your cheeks.

"listening to you, hearing how much i hurt you. i- i thought it would've been selfish of me to tell you to stay," chan's voice cracks, tears falling from his eyes as well, "i thought i would hurt you more if you stayed… that you didn't deserve that, y-you deserved so much more than me."

"god, chan.…" a bitter smile on your lips, "you saying nothing, letting me leave… a-and not fighting for me, for us! fuck… that hurt more than anything."

the memories of that night have your heart aching. whimpering as the tears continue to fall, the sight has chan's gradually getting heavier in his chest. he wants nothing but to pull you into his arms and to never let go.

"i know… i know. baby, i'm so sorry," chan's cheeks are soaked with tears but he makes no effort to wipe them away, "i'm so fucking sorry. i thought i was doing what was best for you, but i fucked up, i fucked up big time."

your eyes lock with chan's. glossy, tear-filled orbs gazing into each other, at that moment the tears only build until the both of you are crying a river in the hallway.

chan quite literally launches himself at you. throwing his arms around your body and pulling you into his chest. instinctively, your arms wrap around his torso, nuzzling your head into his shirt. bodies trembling and shaking as the both of you cry in each other's arms.

chan soaks up every single thing about this moment; the warmth of your body radiating onto him, your face nuzzled into his chest, the smell of your hair, the way your hands grip the back of his shirt, the feeling of your body pressed up against his. he isn't even sure that you'll take him back. regardless, he knows he wants to work his hardest to ensure he'll have you in his arms every day for the rest of his life.

in his arms, he holds the person who has been with him every step of the way and supported him day in and day out. the biggest mistakes chan ever made took place on that day: not convincing you to stay, not telling you how he loves you with his entire heart, and holding your engagement ring in his hand while he watched you walk out.

chan wants you to be so much more than just his past and present, he wants you to be his future, his forever. he's always wanted that but he failed at showing you, instead hurting you in ways he was completely ignorant of.

"i love you," chan cries, you can hear his heart racing in his chest, "i love you so much. if you let me, i'll work every single moment of every day to show you that. when i told you i wanted you for the rest of my life, i meant it. i mean it with my whole heart. i fucked up–majorly, but i swear to you! i swear i'll show you that i'm the one you deserve, that i can give you that life you deserve."

chan looks down at you, enveloped in his arms as your gaze naturally lifts to meet his eyes.

chan's heart skips a beat.

there it is.

that sparkle.

main masterlist

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undertheorangetree · 7 months

Text

Snowed In

Summary- A snow storm leads to an opportunity.

Warnings- MDNI 18+ NSFW. Female reader. Modern Aemond. Cat Vhagar is modern AU canon. Friends to lovers vibe. Thigh riding. Blowjob. Cunnilingus. P in V sex. Safe sex practices for once. Probably ooc Aemond cuz he's experiencing joy.

Author's Note- Yes all of my fics take place in the winter what about it?? That's my business that I am now involving you in link to full fic below :)

dividers by me

"They've just closed campus."

Her head pops up from behind her laptop, staring at Aemond in wide eyed disbelief. Already, there is a sympathetic wince on his face, the kind that is only ever present when he knows she is about to get upset, but even then she refuses to believe him.

"Closed? What do you mean closed?"

"It says they had to on account of the weather."

"No, they haven't. Let me see."

He spins his laptop screen to face her, forcing her to push her own down in order to see properly. His email has been left open on the page and her eyes rove over the message she had so desperately hoped he had made up. There before her in big bold letters are the words URGENT- CAMPUS CLOSED followed by a brief explanation blaming a snow storm and apologizing for any inconveniences the decision may have caused.

She lets out a groan, leaning back in the library's old chair, a pleading look on her face as if Aemond is the one responsible for making such decisions. He may as well be, with his family being such heavy contributors to Oldtown University's alumni fund, his last name plastered across the front of one of the many building on campus. She has half the mind to ask him to go speak to whichever family member is on the chair committee to convince them to reverse the decision and allow them to go back to finishing their final papers, though somehow she doubts that would be likely.

"The storm wasn't supposed to start until tomorrow. It can't already be that bad, can it?"

He reaches over toward the blinds they have long since closed, both of them having agreed that the glare from the sun was too distracting hours ago, only to be met with the sight of a now white campus, the snow blanketing near everything in sight. It's evident now why they would have shut down campus - it must have been snowing for hours- but she still feels something close to dread work its way up her spine.

She sucks in a heavy breath, turning to face Aemond once more. "Do you think they would have shut down the buses too?"

She knows it's a lost cause even as she asks it. The university is located away from the port, standing alone at the top of one of the mountains. It's a steep drive even in idle conditions and she knows that with the snow on the roads, the chances of her being able to commute back to her apartment are slim to none.

Just as she suspects, he simply looks at her, face contorted in a way that clearly implies that she already knows the answer. She bites out a curse, half slamming her laptop down before dropping her face into her hands.

The last thing she wants to do is spend the night on campus. She doubts that they were the only two caught unaware and trying to find a place to camp out for the night is going to be hell. Not for him, of course. Aemond's family connections came with seemingly endless perks and he had been set up with a beautiful flat on campus, less than a five minute walk from the library. He has lived there ever since she has known him and she had been there more times than she could count. Since first befriending him during orientation week in their first year, she had spent countless nights eating take out and studying for finals there. With their joint history major, they had taken nearly every class together, making last night studying near second nature at this point, so close to finishing their degrees.

There's a faint burn of envy in her gut at the thought of his flat- warm, isolated, cozy- but it's quickly snuffed out by her nervousness, fretting over where exactly she is meant to camp out tonight. She doubts she will actually sleep, not while she’s alone on campus, but she still wants to be at least somewhat comfortable. A padded chair would be ideal, though she knows they will be difficult to come by if she doesn’t act quickly.

Shoving her laptop back into her bag, she begins collecting the handful of papers she had sprawled out across the tabletop. "I guess I should go and try to find somewhere to sleep. It's going to be a blood bath trying to find something with decent cushioning."

He scoffs. "You're not going to be fighting any blood baths. Just spend the night at mine."

Read the rest here

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bartxnhood · 1 year

Text

right here waiting | f.o

finnic odair x fem!reader

summary: after the quarter quell you vanish, no sign, no trace. you left behind your boyfriend, finnick, who could just not wrap his head around your disappearance. what happened?

warnings: typical hunger games violence, blood, torture, strong language, descriptions of wounds.

a/n: this fic is a long time coming. i love finnick and is one of my favorite characters but i can never find the right storyline for his character. it’s also been a hot minute since i’ve watched the movies so if there are any inaccuracies just look away lmao. hopefully, i can continue to write for him. i hope you guys enjoy this one !! feedback is appreciated ! also since i haven’t written in a very long time this came out shorter than i wanted it too. sorry about that.

requests open

not proofread

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

“run!!” your voice echoed, the dome was collapsing. “finnick, run!” you turned around, grabbing his wrist to pull you along. the arena was exploding as you tried your best to dodge the debris. katniss had used one of her arrows and shot the border of the arena causing it to collapse. now, all the victors began to spread out to take cover from the panels.

“holy shit, y/n, look out!!” finnick was ripped from your grasp as the ground below you rumbled and sent you falling.

"y/n!? “y/n!" you could hear someone calling your name in the distance, it was a panicked finnick searching the forest floor for your body. you opened your eyes trying to search for him but your vision was too blurry. everything was spinning. "finnick."

in seconds you were back on the ground and eyes falling back, slipping into unconsciousness.

it had been weeks since your disappearance, at first most people just assumed you had died that day in the arena. either by debris or the capital, but finnick knew that you were still out there somewhere.

for finnick, it was a nightmare. he barely left his room. every day that you stayed missing he slowly began to lose hope that he’d find you again. so, he began to mourn.

he was almost unrecognizable. finnick was letting himself go. he began to neglect his health, he refused to eat, he couldn’t sleep, and he was killing himself.

guilt heavy on his shoulders after losing you, even though the people around him had assured him that your disappearance wasn’t his fault. but finnick thought that had he held on to your hand just a little tighter you would’ve made it out.

katniss came to him one day, finding him lying on his bed staring at the ceiling like any other day. “this isn’t like you.” she stated. finnicks eyes found her, standing at the edge of his bed. the girl sighed, crossing her arms. “you’re killing yourself.” he shrugged. “what else am i supposed to do?” “fight for her?” “how?” katniss fell silent, she wasn’t sure how to proceed with the news she had just received. slowly, she moved to his side and sat down. “she’s alive.”

everything froze, he was sure he even stopped breathing. finnick sat up slowly so he could face katniss. “what?” “she’s in the capitol. with peeta.”

the bright fluorescent light of the hospital room burned your eyes, you brought your hand over your eyes to adjust to the light. once your eyes adjusted to the light you scanned your surroundings. you looked at your hand, you had an iv in, and you heard the faint beeping of the monitor next to you.

what happened? how did you get out? where were you? you barely remembered what happened in the capitol, it was all a blur. you began to panic, searching around the room wondering if you could get out.

the door opened, and you looked to your left and saw someone entering. “kat?” your voice was scratchy and hoarse. she now stood at your bedside holding your hand. she hummed, “hi, y/n/n”. “thank god” you breathed, tears welling in your eyes. “i thought id never see you again” katniss hushed your cries, wiping away the tears falling from your eyes. “shh, it’s okay. you’re okay” she smiled. caressing your cheek.

you had lost a lot of weight at this point, your face was sunken in. your body thinner than it had ever been, and you were beyond exhausted both physically and mentally. “oh, honey” she coaxed. you held onto her hand tightly, “there’s someone here who wants to see you.” she gently escaped from your grasp, walking to the exit.

"fin. you breathed, watching him enter the room. it felt like a dream you had wanted to see him for so long. it felt like an eternity. the one you loved so dearly, the one who has saved your life multiple times. "y/n" he walked over to your bedside. he was hesitant at first, but when you held your hand out for him he gained confidence.

"you're here." you weakly smiled, reaching for his hand. he found himself on the edge of your bed, holding you

“of course i am, sweets. where else would i be?" he chuckled softly, and you hummed. you brought your hand to his cheek. you examined his face and he placed his hands on yours. finnick studied you, making sure to soak in every detail.

"you'll never have to go through that again, y/n. i promise i'll do anything to keep you safe." he kissed the top of your head.

you smiled as he pulled back, and tears fell from your eyes again. "i know, fin" you said softly. "you look tired, love" he sighed. it had been such a long time since you'd been in his embrace, you missed everything about him. his jokes, snarky comments, his grin. he was your everything. "i am." you hummed, while he sat holding your hand. “rest, i’ll be right here when you wake up.”

#finnick odair fluff #finnick x you #finnick odair x reader #finnick x reader #finnick imagine #thg finnick #finnick odair #finnick x y/n #hunger games finnick #finnick odair x you #thg imagine #thg fanfic #the hunger games

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vampyrixdarling · 4 months

Note

I LOVED YOUR ZOMBIE SONIC WRITING HSHDJF

Okay so Sonic with a reader that he caught feelings for, right ? But the thing was, they were a big bad meanie guy out for BLOOD. They liked Sonic too, but refused to change their villainous ways tehe

IM IN LOVE Q THIS IDEA

HCs or a one shot is fine >:)))

— 「𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨’𝐬 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧」

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ MASTERLIST

╰┈➤ Sonic the Hedgehog x villain!reader

: ̗̀➛ synopsis; Sonic never could’ve predicted that he’d be falling for the same person who would actively endanger his home and his friends. But it happened. Mutual pining with slight rivalry mixed in with playful fighting, who’s to complain?

: ̗̀➛ Type; romantic headcanons

: ̗̀➛ warning(s); brief mentions of fighting (not detailed), swearing.

Likes/Reblogs are always appreciated!! <3

I’m like honestly SO embarrassed of the quality of this😭 please let this slide Orion I am BEGGING🙏🙏 my writing is normally SO MUCH BETTER I SWEAR

→ Sonic is someone who prides himself on being able to save his world from any threat that dares try to destroy it or hurt his friends or innocent people. He’s a hero, and he’s proud to call himself one. Sure, the praise and the fame that comes with it is cool and all, but all Sonic really cares about is saving all that he can, and taking down evil. He doesn’t need a reward for just doing what he loves. Hell, he’d even get to hangout with his friends just talking about the fight he had, and try some of Amy’s delicious deserts of course. Except if it was strawberry shortcake. He’d stay far away from that if he could.

→ You, on the other hand, were just another villain. You found a kind of sadistic joy in the misery of other people— a sick satisfaction from watching all those below you suffer a terrible fate at your hands. It’s always been this way for as long as you could remember, really. There wasn’t a moment you truly felt happy. No moment where you truly felt complete. And maybe, just maybe, causing pain and suffering to those undeserving made you feel just a little better about the dull, boring life you had. Something like the phrase, “if I can’t be happy, nobody can”, as much as you hated it.

→ But, nobody could deny the slight excitement you felt when the blue blur himself stood in your path, eyes locked on yours as he got ready to attack. A fight with him was never boring, that much was guaranteed. and perhaps you felt the same way, unfortunately you’d never get to finish your thought before he spin-dashed into you, sending you flying into the nearest wall.

“Ugh, come on, [Name]… haven’t we been over this once before?”

“Three times, actually. Learn to keep track.”

The hedgehog rolled his eyes as he sped towards you again. Meanwhile, with a cocky grin on your face, you shakily got up.

→ Sonic would feel extremely conflicted and confused. On one hand, you were everything he hated. Someone who felt joy in causing terror and harm upon those he cared for. But, on another hand, there was an undeniable chemistry between you guys. None of you would ever admit that, though.

→ He hated how felt this way about you. He shouldn’t feel anything like this for any of his enemies. But, there was also this one flaw about him. The fact that he’s willing to give second chances and hope for the best. He does see the good in you, no doubt about it. It’s just that you’re being so damn difficult, he wish you’d just give up.

→ But you weren’t oblivious to this. You saw how the hedgehog briefly hesitated before landing a punch to you. You saw how his eyes lit up once he realized you weren’t dead from that landing. And, a part of you felt pity for him. You realized how hard this was for him, to hurt someone he’s grown to love, and you really wished you wouldn’t care. But you did.

Because you loved him too.

→ None of you took the realization well. You both hated each other for feeling this way, and while you both tried to separate from each other, you just kept coming back. You both would swear it’s because you’re causing trouble and Sonic’s just trying to save everyone, but you both knew it was different. But one day, during a pretty heated fight..

“Why can’t you just let me do what’s best for you, [Name]?!”

“This isn’t what’s best! You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know that I love you!”

…

Oh.

Oh..

→ Once the awkwardness was out of the way, and you two were finally able to confront each other… you got it all out. You both had a talk about how you really felt. He expressed his concerns, and you voiced your clear distain towards leaving your villainous ways. Which, he understood. He hated how you refused to stop, but you just wouldn’t listen to him. So after negotiating, you agreed to slightly tone down your attacks. Which wasn’t much, but at least you weren’t killing anybody.

Bonus: He’d LOVE chasing after you and getting into so many playful fights with you while you’re attacking the town. It would be so fun and exciting for the both of you.

#sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic x reader #headcanon

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despairots · 1 year

Note

could you do a story where miles from earth-42 and our miles are twins and we cant decide which one we like better as we like both of them? you can write the story however you want to!

━━━━━━━━ if i were you, i’d do me.

earth1610! miles morales x gn! hacker! reader x earth42! miles morales. fluff and if you like squint really really hard you’ll find angst. 18 and above please dni, unless your my moot or something… i forgot to change my requests to open but u can send me requests (only abt atsv) just like be patient cuz im daydreaming and shit 🙏

pls ignore the title its nothing suggestive i was braindead and was listening to my saved audios on tiktok this was thw first one on my saved so el oh el 🤕 i gotta keep my writing grind up. keep in mind that earth 1610 miles will keep beinf spiderman and earth 42 will keep being prowler. if y dont know sliver wolf from hsr, switch her up cuz reader is heavily based off of her

this’ll be left on a cliffhanger cuz like idk i just dont wanna make another part and sometimes things are better off with cliffhangers since you guys have creative minds you can come up with your own scenarios

where in a dimension, earth42 and earth1610 miles morales are twins, may look the same but have completely different hairstyles and different personalities also another weird, interesting fact, you’re a sucker for twins, especially them.

interesting fact about you, specifically you, is that you almost got caught by the government when hacking into their system to steal some information.

and of course, them having connections to spiderman, told him to go after this hacker who causes a lot of trouble for the government.

miles morales obviously being under that mask and friends with this hacker who knew that you hated authority (yes, you’re an anarchist), didn’t bother doing anything, probably just telling you to stop messing with them.

on the other hand, his twin bother, myles morales, encourages this behaviour. polar opposites but two cuties, and you, who got roped into romance with them.

“[name], what’d i say about hacking the government?” miles scolded you as you chewed on bubblegum with your feet propped onto your desk, holographic screens in front of you.

“i don’t know, me forgot.” you nonchalantly shrugged, spinning your chair to go back to your screens and swiping left to play the weeknd.

miles spinning you back and placing his arms on your arm rests, too close to your liking.

you smirked with a light scoff, “your brother likes it.” miles rolls his eyes at the mention of him, “i don’t care what he likes.” he snapped back, obviously lying.

miles leaned back with a sigh, “god, what am i gonna do with you?” “maybe get off my ass.” you muttered, not knowing if miles heard that, to which he did.

“i’m sorry, what?”

you jumped at that, quickly shooting your arms up and trying to find excuses, opening your mouth like a fish.

your voice’s overlapped eachother, unable to hear his twin brother opening the door to your room, mask off and everything.

he looked at you who kept stumbling on words.

miles spider sense went off and looked at the entrance, seeing the one guy who encourages your behaviour, “what - what did you tell them?” myles smirked and shrugged.

“i didn’t say anything, bro.” he placed his claws on your bed and sat down on it, “i am not your bro.” miles chuckled and sat down on your bean bag.

“um actually-“

“shut up.”

“cope.” you playfully stuck your tongue out at miles who smiled and rolled his eyes, god you loved his smile. i mean, what?

you don’t love them, boo, you hate them.

“dude, tell [name] that if i don’t catch the ‘hacker’ i’m gonna get my ass kicked.” miles and his brother made eye contact, “i hope you do.” myles replied with a playful tone.

miles threw his hands up, “you guys are actually evil.” you laughed at his comment, “we’re actually vigilantes.” myles pointed out, patting his brother’s shoulder (the bean bag literally beside your bed).

you smiled at the two with light pigment on your cheeks, “i really wanna kiss you guys—“ you paused your sentence with embarrassment, realizing you were saying your thoughts out loud.

the two paused and looked at you, blinking, “eso es adorable, amor—“ “get out.”

“¿qué dijiste, amor?”

“i hate you guys. kill yourselves. espero que te resbales y te caigas en tu próxima misión.” you rolled your eyes and buried your face into your hands as the two twins looked at eachother.

“you don’t mean that, amor.” you groaned at the nickname the two labelled you. it made you want to giggle, twirl your hair and kick your feet like a schoolgirl.

you blushed when you felt an arm sneak around your neck, hugging you against your chair with their head beside your ear, “te gustamos los dos, ¿verdad, amor?”

god, you couldn’t choose between the two.

[name] when they keep getting teased and literally cannot deal with it.

#kaz. 💫#earth 1610 miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 1610 miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 #earth 1610 #earth 1610 miles #earth 42 miles #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman into the spiderverse #miles morales x reader #42 miles #42 miles morales #1610 miles #1610 miles morales

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oddinary4bts · 1 year

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Love is a Laserquest | choi san

☆summary: years after your break-up, Choi San comes to you for help. In an attempt to save his life, you escape to your uncle's cabin in the woods far from civilization. Will nostalgia and longing make you fall again, or is Choi San just spinning more lies to you?

☆pairing: gangster!Choi San x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI)

☆genre: gangster au, exes au, angst, smut, a smidge of the one bed trope

☆warnings: guns/gun violence (mentioned), knifes/stabbing (mentioned), a bounty over San's head, death of a minor character (named Jungkook my bad), blood, injuries, stitches, probably some wrong medical terminology bc optometrists don't stitch up people lmao, a panic attack, cursing, pet names, explicit content: oral sex (female receiving) -> face riding, let me know if I forgot any!

☆word count: 16.5k

☆a/n: Here's my submission for Outlaw: The Project hosted by @ssaboala. It is coincidentally my first time posting about another group than bts, so I hope this won't disappoint! I really enjoyed writing it (even though it's really sad oop). Also my first time making a moodboard so hopefully it works haha

☆a/n pt2: thank you to @moonleeai for being my ever-so faithful beta reader, love you lots <3

☆☆☆☆☆

And do you still think love is a Laserquest? Or do you take it all more seriously? I’ve tried to ask you this in some daydreams that I’ve had But you’re always busy being make-believe

Love is a Laserquest – Arctic Monkeys

☆☆☆☆☆

The diner is silent, unoccupied. It always is on late weekday evenings, when most patrons have gone to bed, the city falling under a carpet of hushed silence only night can bring forth. It makes the diner feel like it’s straight out of a 70s movie, and it makes for the perfect study sessions too.

Night isn’t always soundless in your part of town. Hence why you’ve been trying to escape, pursuing an education that has been leaving you penniless, but with a bright future ahead. If you make it out of med school at a certain point, that is.

Tonight, you fear the peace that night usually entails has been ruined for you – there were gunshots earlier, close enough for you to see the police cars racing past as the law officers made it to probably yet another gang fight.

There’s been a gang war on your side of town. The diner has always been safe, a refuge for both sides of the war, where they aren’t allowed to fight. To carry in weapons and hatred. No, the moment they cross the threshold of the diner, the gangsters become one family, sharing struggles that only poverty can cause.

You wipe a table clean before walking back towards the counter. Your open laptop waits for you, and you quickly read the study guide you’ve made for yourself, the cardiovascular system and its pathologies forming a maze in your mind that you’ve yet to decode. Luckily enough, you still have a week before the bloc ends and you have to take the exam.

Plenty of time to cram everything about the heart in your thick little skull, you’d say.

Your lips move in time with what you’re reading, attention solely focused on the bright screen when a thump is heard right outside the door. It startles you, and you turn around to see the empty street out of the glass door.

It takes you about ten seconds to notice the dark form sitting on the ground. They’re leaning against the door, head lolling to the side. You assume it must be someone that’s ended unhoused, something that happens far too often where you live.

You’ve always been kind. When you were younger, you were told your kindness would be your demise. Yet you’ve never been able to be anything but kind, even though sometimes it might put you at risk. So you can’t resist but walk to the front door, trying to push it open.

It’s useless – the weight of the person is keeping it tightly shut, though they do straighten a little, as if coming to their senses. They turn, and the moment their profile comes into view you’re brought back eight years in the past. To a time when the world was still a beautiful place, void of violence and cruelty. To a smile so sweet it made flowers blossom on your heart, and to eyes so sharp you knew they had read your soul.

Choi San is sitting outside the door, and the caked blood on his cheek tells you enough – he’s injured. He pushes away from the door before slowly getting up. He clutches his side as he does it, yet when he turns back towards you and faces your horrified eyes, he still offers you a smirk.

You push the door open, thinking about the years between then and now. You had dated him for a few months that had felt like forever, until you had realized in what kind of business he was getting involved with. You had tried to convince him to flee before it was too late, and he kept promising that he would.

Only he never did, hiding lies with beautiful words that made your teenage self swoon, until your parents had realized and forced you to break up. It had been a nasty break-up, filled with hatred and words you didn’t mean yet had needed to say for him to leave.

You remember breaking his heart like it was yesterday.

“Choi San,” you greet him, and when he lets go of his side, you notice blood on his hand.

Something runs cold inside of you, even though he still sports a smirk on his lips.

He says your name, bowing his head. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Months, in fact. Because he does come to the diner sometimes. He usually ignores you, and so do you, so it feels strange to have him speak to you. To hear his voice as his words are addressed to you.

“What…” you trail off, glancing down at the ripped fabric of his black tank top.

He’s got a mean cut on his ribs, and it’s only then that you truly realize that he’s badly injured. Because there’s more – one of his biceps has been sliced open too, though blood is barely oozing out of it in small rivulets. The blood on his cheek is from where you assume he’s been punched with rings, and there’s already an underlying bruise under his eye.

“Got beaten up,” he states the obvious, and you immediately open the door wider to let him in.

He limps in, heading towards the nearest booth, where he plops down and lets out a pained grunt. You make sure no one is outside before shutting the door and locking it, flipping the hanging sign on it so it says closed in case a patron decides to show up.

You take a few steps towards San, hands shaking slightly at your side. Because that’s a grown man, bleeding out on the leather seat of the booth, and his eyes are shut though he looks in pain. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do. You haven’t yet started your residency, haven’t really gone from theory to practice… Yet you’re studying to be a doctor, are you not?

“Why are you here?” you ask, though you’re pretty sure you know the answer.

“Didn’t know where else to go,” he says, wincing as one of his eyes opens. He tilts his head to look towards you. “Word around the block says…” he pauses, takes a deep breath before continuing, “that you’re studying to be a doctor”.

So you are right. He’s here because he needs your help, and you’re not quite sure how you feel about it.

“Why…” You look for words, and it takes you a moment to realize that it doesn’t matter.

For all the history between you and him, Choi San doesn’t deserve to bleed out to death on a cheap leather seat in a forgotten diner on the dangerous side of town.

He has the decency to chuckle at the start of your question, which only makes him wince in pain once again.

“Don’t move,” you tell him, and it’s a little stupid because clearly, he’s in no state to move.

He doesn’t question it, and you run to the kitchen to thoroughly wash your hands and grab the first aid kit. At night, no cooks stay around, and you usually only reheat food if needed, which doesn’t really happen. You haven’t had any client coming in at night in weeks… until San, that is. So no one is there to see what is going on, which you reckon is a relief. Because you have no idea what’s going on.

You return to the booth where San is waiting, patiently. He’s clearly wiped his hand on his face because there’s fresh blood on his forehead, and you almost balk at the sight of it.

“What have you done?” you mutter, more to yourself than to him.

It seems he’s still in sync with you because he still hears. “Got involved with the wrong crowd.”

You put the first aid kit down on the table, ignoring his eyes when they flutter open, and he rests his gaze on you.

“I don’t know if I can help you,” you say as you unzip the kit and throw it open. You spare his side a quick glance. “This looks like you’re going to need stitches.”

He makes an effort of looking down at himself, though it mostly fails as he doesn’t raise his head from the seat. “Right.”

You grab everything you think you might need – alcohol swabs to clean his skin, fresh linen to bandage his side and arm, and stuff for his cheek too. He carefully observes you, with that piercing gaze of his that used to make you go crazy inside when you were young and impressionable.

You vaguely motion at him, and he cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Are you able to sit up?” you ask. “I can’t reach you if you’re lying back like this.”

His pink tongue darts to wet his lips, and he nods curtly. “Let me…” he trails off, resting a bloody hand on the table while he grabs at the back of the booth to push himself up. It has new blood appearing on his side, and you quickly move towards him, putting some linen against it.

As if it’s going to do anything. He clearly needs stitches, and you’ve got nothing with you to stitch him up.

“Fuck,” he curses lowly as he’s finally sitting. You just keep the linen on his side, eyes a little wide.

Your gazes connect inevitably, and time slows. You think about how he used to smile, how his eyes used to hold a softness you haven’t had the chance to see again since he’s walked out of your life.

Or rather, since you kicked him out of your life.

“I don’t think I can help,” you whisper, and his eyes flicker to your lips.

“I can’t go to the hospital,” he admits, shame turning his features into a mask of regret. “They… If they find me, I’m dead.”

Dread fills every ounce of your being. “San, what have you been doing?”

He looks away from your insistent gaze, scoffing slightly. “You don’t want to know.”

He isn’t wrong; you genuinely don’t want to know. Because he means nothing good, even with all the memories you share with him.

“Is it going to put me in danger?” you ask, as he still obstinately avoids your gaze.

He seems to freeze in front of you, as if you’ve pressed pause to your favourite show. To avoid the awkwardness, you busy yourself with grabbing one of his hands so he can hold the linen in place before you start washing the cut on his arm. It’s not deep, but you’re pretty sure it’ll still leave a mean scar, especially considering he can’t go to the hospital.

The thought has a drop of cold sweat roll along your spine. People want him dead. People want Choi San, the man you know as a young, scared teenager just trying to find a way to make his life better, dead. You remember the innocence in his smile – has he smiled at all in the years apart?

“I should go,” he says flatly. He moves to stand, but you hold him down, two hands firmly placed on his shoulders. It makes him wince, and you quickly release your grip.

“Don’t,” you tell him. “Let me at least patch you up.”

His eyes shut again as his head hangs low. “I am so sorry.”

You don’t even know who he is apologizing to, or why he is. All you know is that it causes your heart to clench in your chest, stealing the breath from your lungs.

When you were younger, you believed San was your star-crossed lover. You believed your high school sweethearts romance would grow until you’d be old and grey and at the end of a very long road. You had dreamed of a future with him, the way only teenagers can dream – with no sense of reality. Because your reality had never been to end up by his side.

His choices had been proof enough of it.

You still remember the day you first kissed. Under an August meteor shower, with just the night sky as your witness. It had been hesitant, slow and soft, just like everything with San. And you had believed the lie, trusted it with every beat of your little heart, until your parents had found out the truth about him.

Until they had broken your heart, even before you had broken his.

If the stars had known then, what was going to happen to you and Choi San, would they still have shone through the night?

He lets out a pained sound as you gently dab at the cut on his bicep. You clean the skin around the wound in and of itself, and he watches you carefully, piercing gaze not missing how your face clouds with memories.

“How have you been doing?” he asks so softly you think his words are a gentle summer breeze on your features.

You can almost still smell the summer night air of that field where you had stargazed, where you’d always meet so long ago.

“I’ve been okay,” you answer, truthfully. Because even though you haven’t seen him, you have lived your life apart from him. Have evolved without him by your side. “Better than you, visibly.”

He didn’t expect the joke. It makes him snort, and then a soft smile grows on his lips, softening the edges of his hard features. “You haven’t changed.”

You have, and yet you haven’t. Like him, you think there’s a part of you that is still sixteen, and will forever be. A part of you that remained stuck in the moment when you watched him walk away in the rain, as if even the sky had to cry for his broken heart.

“Wish I could say the same about you,” you murmur, nostalgia a melancholic song in your words.

He chooses to remain silent, because the proof of how much he’s changed is sitting right in front of you, wounded and bleeding and hurt. The hurt is behind his eyes, in the shadows of the past that have also been obscuring your vision.

“Yeah,” he lets out, barely audible.

And then silence reigns between you, because as much as you once loved him, eight years have made you strangers. You don’t know anything about his life except the dirty, obvious darkness that surrounds him, and he doesn’t know anything except that you are studying to be a doctor…

Which leads you to wonder how does he know in the first place?

You ask him, as you’re wrapping the linen around his bicep to make a makeshift bandage. You’re proud of the result, though your fingers can’t resist but linger on the taut skin over his muscle, surprised at how soft it still is.

“I’ve heard you mention it,” he admits, as you take a step away to look at the material on the table, as if it’ll suddenly make stitches appear for you to put them in his skin. “One of the times I was here.”

“You never said hi,” you reproach him, unable to hide the ghost of a bite in your tone.

“Neither did you,” he points out, and he isn’t wrong.

All you can do is purse your lips as you finally decide to clean his skin. But for that, you have to rid him of his tank top, to make sure there’s no fabric in the wound. You look at him, cheeks somehow burning even though all you’re doing is taking care of a patient.

Though he’s not a patient, and you’re not in a hospital. You’re just a server at a dusty, old diner and he’s just your teenage lover, wounded by his dangerous actions.

“Should I grab scissors to remove your shirt?” you ask, though you’re speaking to yourself more than to him.

He still finds it in him to tease. “You want me out of my shirt?” he enquires, smirk gracing his lips again. “Say no more.”

He tries moving, but you hold up a hand to stop him. “Don’t,” you warn. “You’ll make it bleed more.”

He purses his lips, because nodding. “Right.” He glances at the first aid kit, before his eyes trail to your face again. “You got scissors in that?”

There are. You grab them, before turning towards him. It feels strange: you’ve never undressed him before. You had always wanted to wait, back then, before you slept together. You believed you were too young, and San had always respected it.

“Let me know if I hurt you,” you tell him as you take a step closer to him.

He slightly leans back, furrowing his eyebrows. “What do you plan to do with those that might hurt?”

You roll your eyes, playfully, before taking the two other steps leading to right in front of his legs. You notice that they are slightly parted, allowing you to come closer, and you take a steadying breath before reaching between you, pulling at the fabric of his tank top.

“Stay still and you shouldn’t get hurt,” you whisper, ignoring the heaviness of his piercing gaze on you.

It burns right through you, and you have to tame the beats of your heart at the feeling of the warm skin of his shoulder against the back of your fingers as you bring your other hand forward, until you’ve started cutting his shirt.

It’s stuck to his side where blood has dried, and he winces but remains still and silent as you keep going, pulling on it a little harder to be able to cut. The moment stretches into infinity, because you can’t help but take your time. It reminds you of how you’d used to run your fingers on his back, under his shirt, when you napped in the field in the summertime. In an idyllic world where gangs and violence and war were mere inventions of the media, and not a reality that surrounded you.

You’d loved the field. The wildflowers, the open air, the way it was just you and him and a few lazy bumblebees as clouds lazily crossed the sky above. You were so young then, so innocent. Hands unstained from blood, from his blood.

Because as you cut, the hand touching his shirt stains with blood. You pale at the sight of it, but you keep going, pushing through until you’re done, gently pulling the fabric from his body until he’s sitting there, shirtless, with a long wound on his ribs.

You can’t help but notice his toned chest and the defined abs on his stomach. Though blood mars his skin, turning it into a piece of violence, Choi San is still beautiful. Beautiful in a dark, dangerous way that has you glance outside, making sure no one is looking.

But the streets are empty, void of life at this time of the night. At least, they mostly always are.

“You will need stitches,” you state again as if you both don’t know already.

“I can’t…”

An idea forms in your brain. It’s a stupid idea, and you don’t even know why it crosses your mind.

Your uncle has a hunting cabin far in the woods. He’s a nurse himself, and he’s always kept everything over there in case someone got injured and he had to stitch them up. You haven’t gone in forever, but you still remember the tall trees, the deep forest scent that reminds you of autumn and leaves and grey days spent reading by the fireplace.

You never went hunting, but you did accompany your father when he went, needing an escape from the city once in a while. An escape from a life that was slowly becoming too real.

Your uncle is currently halfway across the country, so you know you’d be alone at the cabin. You glance at your laptop over your shoulder – you have three days off in front of you before your next class on Monday. Indeed, the Friday class is pre-recorded and to watch online in your free time, and you figure you can always watch it some other time.

So you turn towards Choi San, almost surprised that he’s real and he’s still sitting in front of you, honey skin cut open on his ribs.

“I might know a place where you can go,” you admit, with a small voice, surprising both you and him. Because you doubt he expects you to want to help, after tonight.

“What?” he asks.

“My uncle’s cabin,” you remind him, because you’ve told him about it all those years ago. “He should have all that I need to stitch you up.”

San looks down at himself. “You’ve just cut my shirt open.”

It sounds a little dumbfounded, and you can’t help the nervous laugh that falls from your mouth. Because even though it doesn’t look too deep, the wound still is terrifying in and of itself.

“I’ll bandage it,” you whisper. “Before we go.”

He seems like he ponders for a time. You watch the debate across his features, his eyes falling to a spot on your chin. He looks sad, troubled and defeated. “I can’t… I can’t do this to you.”

You ignore his words, carefully washing his side. You avoid the cut and try to be as gentle as you can, but his muscles still flex as he clenches his fists from the pain.

He’s strong. That much hasn’t changed. Because he doesn’t make any sound as you finish washing him and then patch him up with those same careful hands. And when you move to his face, cleaning the blood, his eyes flutter shut, and he sighs softly.

He looks so much like he looked then that your heart aches, and you find yourself blinking away tears for this man who’s had it so rough he believed joining a gang would save him.

“I should have come to you before,” he murmurs. “You’re much gentler than Hongjoong.”

You don’t know the guy he mentioned, and you don’t feel like asking. Don’t feel like acknowledging his words, so you just finish with his cheek before stepping away from the peaceful aura that was treacherously pulling you in.

Like all those years ago, you reckon.

“Let me make a call,” you say, turning away from him as you move to the counter. You feel the weight of his eyes between your shoulder blades as you get your phone from next to your laptop. You call your boss, and as someone that’s never called in sick before, you feel anxiety flush through you.

Because you’re not sick. And how could you tell him that you need to take care of your ex-boyfriend of eight years ago?

Seokhyun picks up on the first ring, voice groggy with sleep when he mutters, “Hello?”

“Boss,” you greet him. You scrape your throat and spare a look towards San who’s watching you curiously. “An emergency came up, and I have to leave the diner.” You swallow the lump in your throat that’s formed from lying, and then you add, “There haven’t been any customers all night, so I was wondering… would you be comfortable with me closing for the rest of the night?”

Your boss says your name, a little reproachfully. But then he sighs, because he knows just as well as you what a good employee you’ve always been. “Are you going to be able to come in tomorrow night?” he asks.

You pull at dry skin on your bottom lip, assessing San’s state. You could always come back to the city for work…

“You know what, I know you’ve got that big exam coming up,” your boss says, sighing into the phone. “Why don’t you take the next week off so you can take care of your emergency and focus on your studies?”

If Seokhyun wasn’t a fifty-three year old married and father of three children man, you think you’d ask him to marry you right now.

“That would be really helpful,” you tell him, gratitude dripping from your voice. “Are you sure that won’t be a problem for the diner?”

“The diner won’t lose profit if it closes for three nights in the week,” he points out. “I’ll see if I can get you replaced for the evening shift on Sunday.”

You thank him again as he grumbles that it’s nothing. He wishes you good luck, and when the line goes silent, you finally meet San’s gaze again.

“All sorted out,” you tell him, offering him a nod. “Let me just close the diner, and then we can go.”

He nods, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He observes you as you do so, quickly closing the diner like you’ve done about a hundred times before, though this time you’re far more excited to go. You grab a plastic bag to put away the bloody swabs, and though he groans in pain, San gets up to help you clean the blood that stained the cheap leather of the booth.

Soon enough, you’re ready to go, and you walk outside with the plastic bag in one hand and your backpack on your shoulders as San chuckles, looking down at himself.

“Do you have a shirt for me?” he asks as he follows you out.

You lock the door behind you before glancing at him. He’s quite the sight, naked from the waist up and bandaged like he is, and you can’t help the small chuckle you let out as you glance towards your car, that’s luckily parked right in front.

Though it’s a deadbeat car, you trust it enough to know it’ll make the trip to your uncle’s cabin, even in the middle of the night.

“My ex left some sweaters on the back seat,” you admit as you unlock your car doors and open the trunk to put your backpack and the plastic bag in there. There’s no chance in hell you’ll leave a plastic bag full of bloody swabs near your work.

You see San nod from the periphery of your vision, and then he’s opening the door to the backseat. “Your ex, huh?” he mutters as he grabs a sweater you used to love wearing and that you haven’t convinced yourself to give back to Hyunmin.

He carefully puts it on, and you’re pretty sure just the motion is going to make blood seep through the bandage. Somehow, you don’t care that it might stain Hyunmin’s sweater.

Hyunmin was a cheater, and even though you never really loved him, it took you months before you found the strength to break up with him. Needless to say, he doesn’t deserve his clothes back.

“Yeah,” you flatly say as you move towards the driver’s seat. You sit, and San follows you, naturally, as if you’ve done it a thousand times before.

As you turn the keys in the engine, San asks, “Have you dated a lot?”

You bristle at the question, shooting him an embarrassed look. “Have you?”

“No,” he replies, features fully serious.

You purse your lips, focusing on the road as you start driving. You need to put gas in the car if you want to get to your uncle’s cabin, so you make your way towards the closest one. It takes you a moment before you register how San has stiffened next to you.

“Can we…” he trails off, and he sinks in the seat, trying to hide. “I can’t be seen here.”

You immediately press on the accelerator, and your car speeds down the street as you pass in front of the gas station. You glance at San only when you’re stopped at a red light. He’s pulled the hood of the sweater over his features, and he’s doing his best to hide.

“Where can we stop?” you ask.

“Next town over,” he answers. “I just can’t be seen in Bangtan territory.”

Right. You have no knowledge of how the gangs have divided your city, but you’re not surprised Bangtan has this part of town. It’s the industrial area, and you assume there’s a lot of money to be made around here.

“Sounds good,” you gently say, and then you’re driving again, the light turning green, allowing you to speed away into the night.

You drive silently all the way to the next town, watching your city disappear to be replaced by trees until buildings reappear. San is looking outside the window, and you can’t help but wonder how he’s been doing, truly. How he managed to get injured like he is right now, and mostly, if his dreams of running away still occupy his thoughts.

He had begged you, the evening you had broken up with him. Told you he’d make enough money to be able to move with you across the country and build yourself a nice little life over there. You had wanted to believe him for so long, until your parents had opened your eyes on just how he was trying to make money.

“Do you need anything?” you ask as you finally reach the gas station, pulling into the driveway. You park next to a pump, turning to face him only to find him already watching you.

“I don’t have money to pay for food,” he admits. He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I lost my wallet in the… altercation.”

You gently put a hand on his forearm. “Hey, my treat. We have to eat.”

He inhales deeply, letting out the breath slowly, before he nods. “Alright. I owe you.”

You reckon he’ll owe you for a lot more than just food at a gas station, but you choose not to say it. Not when you feel like someone’s watching over your shoulder, watching you drive away in the night with the person they are looking for.

You know it’s paranoia. No one followed you out of the city and into this town. It just feels too strange to have him here, with you. In your car, on the way to your uncle’s cabin, as if eight years have gone out the window. As if you can still be young and innocent.

It’s stupid, because you can’t. Time has changed him; time has changed you. And in just a few years you’ll be a doctor, and you’ll finally get out of this hellhole of a city, of its dangerous streets.

Of its equally dangerous man, that you know could probably pull you back in with one of his many well-crafted lies, one of the dreams he weaved expertly, whispering it into your ear.

You take a deep breath before getting out of the car. You go into the station, grab snacks for the next few days and then head to the counter. The guy behind nods as you approach, and you pay for the food and for gas before wishing him a good night and returning outside. San is still squatting in the car, clearly trying to hide, and you put the food on the backseat before putting gas in.

You watch his profile as you put gas in the car. Back when you were dating, his features weren’t as sharp, as glass-cutting as they now are. He used to sport a rounder face, but today you wonder if you’d get a papercut on his jaw. You wouldn’t even be surprised.

When you’re done with gas, you sit back next to him, and you quickly bring the engine back to life before pulling out in the street. As soon as you exit the city, darkness falls on the two of you, tall trees standing on the two sides of the road again. San doesn’t speak much, and it doesn’t take you long to realize he’s dozing off next to you.

“Hey, everything okay?” you ask, suddenly worried that he might have lost too much blood. Which, you reckon, you should have thought about earlier.

He sighs, glancing towards you. “Just tired.”

“Don’t…” you trail off. “Don’t fall asleep.”

He chuckles. “You’re afraid I’m going to die on you?”

“Choi San,” you warn. “Don’t you dare say stuff like that.”

He smiles, but you reckon he’s a little pale. Or at least you think he is, in the silver light of the moon up above. “I think I’m fine. Just…” He offers you a weak smile, though you’ve returned your attention on the winding road. “Just exhausted. I haven’t slept in three days.”

Worry clutches your heart, and you nibble at some dry skin on your bottom lip. “What’s been going on?”

He slightly shrugs. “I can’t tell you. I don’t want to put you in danger…”

“Am I not already in danger by just helping you?”

The silence is telling enough. And it remains for a while until San finally speaks.

“I was in a gunfight a week ago. Accidentally shot the youngest member of the other gang. He didn’t make it, and the gang has put a bounty on my head. Ateez took my gun and told me to run; I laughed in their face and said I wasn’t a coward. Then I got attacked by two guys with knives earlier, and I made it to the diner because I had nowhere else to go.”

Now the silence is deafening, heavy, and you think you’ve altogether stopped breathing. You’re struck with an image of San in the summer sun, smiling wide as he put a flower behind your ear, claiming you were the most beautiful girl he had ever met. The contrast with who he is now – a product of night, shrouded in darkness with no hint of that smile on his lips – is stark. And you wonder when’s the last time he has seen the sun, when’s the last time his life wasn’t violence like this.

When you say nothing, he scoffs, resting his head against the window as if it’d allow him to escape. Because clearly he wants to escape – he’s just told you that he’s killed someone after all.

And you don’t know what to say. Don’t know how to react to someone confessing murder. All you can do is stare at the street ahead, hoping you won’t end up in a gunfight with San. Because where would that lead you, other than in the dramatics of death?

You don’t speak for the rest of the ride. You don’t think he sleeps either, and dawn is clinging to the far horizon when you get to your uncle’s cabin, in a secluded forest that seems straight out of a fairytale. Instead of bringing you awe like it usually does, the sight of it makes you think of all the murder mysteries you had been obsessed with when you were younger, before you realized how horrible the real world truly is.

Neither of you move, as you turn off the engine of the car, and you fall into even more of a tensed silence, though this time you can hear the chirping of the early birds. It’s peaceful, so peaceful you can barely even grasp how tangible the presence of San is next to you. The presence of his actions too, looming between the two of you like a sword of Damocles.

You move first. Putting a hand on the knob, hoping to escape the heaviness into the dawn. San speaks before you can though, and your heart stops in your chest.

“I never meant for him to get hurt,” he murmurs, and you think he’s speaking to himself more than to you. “Everything went too fast, my gun was in my hand and I just… in situations like these, you don’t have time to think.” He leans his head against the headrest, eyes closing. “All I can picture since it’s happened is him falling and blood. Like a fucking blossoming rose, all around him.” He rests his closed fist on his forehead, rubbing it hard. “I haven’t been able to sleep; I’ve been sick every time I’ve tried to eat…”

“San,” you interrupt as you break and break for him. Because this is the San you know. This is the young boy that just wanted to escape and live in a better world. You can almost taste his remorse, taste his regret and shame. It’s poisonous, treacherous, a slippery slope that can’t lead anywhere good. “Let’s get you in. I want to get that cut on your ribs checked.”

He falls silent, and for a moment you feel guilty. Because what if he had more to say? You don’t even think you would have been able to listen. You need the escape, and you know he’ll permit it. Because the man next to you is a broken man, a fracture of what he could have been.

You step out of the car, blinking away tears – from the anxiety, from the exhaustion, and perhaps even from the pain you feel for him. He follows you, wincing as he swings his legs out of the car. He stumbles a little as he stands, but soon enough, he grows steady on his feet, and his attention moves to you. You climb the stairs of the cabin, lifting the rug to find the small trap that leads to the spare key. The padlock is rusted, but it stands strong as you put in the code, and a click is heard when you pull on it.

A few seconds later, you’ve unlocked the front door, pushing it open to reveal the cabin as you remember it. Not a single item is out of place, though dust covers everything, a clear indication that no one has been here in years. You let San in, before going back to the car to get the food you bought, bringing it in and putting it in the fridge. Three full gas canisters hide under the counter, and you sigh in relief – you’ll be able to get the generator on for some electricity.

You motion to the kitchen table. “Have a seat,” you tell San, who somehow looks like a lost puppy. “I’ll get the first aid kit.”

He nods, remaining silent, eyes downcast. You only move when he’s seated, heading to the bathroom area of the cabin, where you startle a spider that almost makes you scream out loud. You keep it in, heart beating out of your chest as you get the kit before moving back into the main area.

San is leaning against the chair, eyes closed. He senses you approaching, and one of his eyes cracks open to watch you carefully, a little like he did earlier, at the diner. It looks so similar to how he used to look at you, when you joined him at the field, that you stop in your tracks, heart squeezing once again.

You don’t like the way Choi San is making you feel, that’s for sure.

“Take off the sweater,” you tell him, putting the kit down on the table. You put some clean linen next to it, to put what you need over it, before washing your hands with the disinfectant you find in the kit. You put latex gloves on after, and then you fish wire and a surgical needle from the first aid kit that you carefully put down on the linen once you’ve torn the packages open.

As you were doing all of that, San took off the shirt, struggling a little as it meant he had to lift his right arm, which pulled at the skin of his ribs, where the cut clearly has started bleeding again. Though, if you’re honest to yourself, you’re pretty sure he’s been bleeding this whole time, even though it probably was just some fine rivulets.

Indeed, the cut isn’t all that deep, you remind yourself. Mostly because you don’t want to even think about the consequences of the blood loss. As long as he stays awake, you figure he’s fine – he would have lost consciousness a while ago if he was losing a lot of blood.

You remove the bandage you had carefully put in place earlier, wincing at the sight of the blood that’s seeped through it. San keeps his eyes close, lets you clean his skin again in peace, and you feel sick to your stomach as you realize you don’t have any anesthetics for the pain that stitching him up will cause. Indeed, the pocket in which your uncle usually leaves the lidocaine is empty, and you remember that he’s had to use it for your dad when he accidentally cut himself with a machete last summer.

“Huh,” you let out. You chuckle nervously. “It’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

His eyes narrow, and he clenches his jaw. “Don’t worry about it.”

You worry at your bottom lip, holding his gaze as you gauge if he’s serious. When his gaze doesn’t falter, you offer him a curt nod, before getting the wire and needle ready under his watchful eyes.

You hand him some linen. “To bite on,” you explain as he just cocks an eyebrow quizzically. That makes his gaze widen a little as if he’s just now realizing how serious you were about it hurting, but he takes it nonetheless.

You think about the theory of how to stitch someone up. It was in your previous block – you watched hours of videos of it in an attempt to desensitize yourself to it. You don’t think it compares to the real thing, but at least you’re somehow confident of what you’re doing when you start.

San startles, groaning in pain, and you offer him a glare. “Don’t move, or it’ll be worse.”

A drop of sweat rolls down his temple, but he still nods. Even as you keep on stitching him, he remains as still as he physically can, though you don’t think he even notices how he’s trembling. Or maybe that’s you – you don’t even know.

Somehow, you make it through the whole thing. You think San might have passed out at some point, but he’s wide awake when you finish the knot to keep the stitches in place, looking up to meet his face.

He’s panting and tears of pain wet his waterline. He blinks them away as he takes the linen out of his mouth, dropping it on the table.

“Fuck,” he curses.

“Let me…” you trail off, mind set on getting something to at least help him cool off, because he’s clearly been heating up.

You grab a washcloth and a small bucket, and head outside to walk down to the lake. You fill the bucket halfway, and take a few seconds to observe the calm surrounding you, hoping that it can ease the nerves rolling inside your heart like dark clouds do on the horizon whenever a storm is coming. You feel it in your bones – you have a murderer in your uncle’s cabin.

You have to keep that in mind. To not let Choi San in like you did when you were a young impressionable teenager.

You sigh, closing your eyes to breathe in the fresh morning air. The sun is peaking over the horizon now, and you bask in its hesitant rays for all of twenty seconds before you convince yourself to go back in. You’ve got a patient to take care of, after all.

San hasn’t moved an inch while you were outside. The only indication that he hasn’t died on you is the groan he lets out as you put the wet washcloth on his forehead. You tap his cheek gently, as if to say, ‘suck it up, I’m just trying to take care of you’.

Which is exactly what you’re doing, isn’t it?

You watch him carefully for a few seconds before tapping his shoulder this time around.

“There’s a bed,” you remind him. “You’d be better passing out in a bed.”

He groans again, cracking an eye open. “I’ve just been repeatedly poked with a needle,” he drawls. “Give me a second.”

It makes you laugh. Because of the nerves, maybe. You’re not quite sure. All you know is that you’re laughing, and San opens his second eye to look at you as if you’re crazy. And you laugh for longer than you should – you’re exhausted after all, especially considering you haven’t slept since yesterday morning. So far, adrenaline has been keeping you going, but you can tell you’re about to crash.

“Sorry,” you apologize once you calm down. “This has just been…”

“A lot,” San finishes for you. “I know.”

You nod once before glancing at the doorway to the bedroom. It has no door, as your uncle and your dad usually come here alone and they don’t mind sharing a bed. It makes you realize that you’ll have to share it with San, which you reckon you should have thought about before. Because there’s no way in hell you’ll share a bed with him, especially after he’s told you why he’s being hunted.

There’s always the option of going into town later today so you can get a sleeping bag and floor mat to sleep on. But you’re far too tired right now to even consider driving, so you motion to the bed once again.

“Stick to your side; I’ll stick to mine.”

He smirks though he’s extremely pale. A lot paler than he was before, and you swallow a sudden lump in your throat. Because what if he dies? What are you supposed to do with him if he dies?

“You’ll have to help me to get to the bed ‘cause I don’t think I can move,” he says once his smirk dies. He curses under his breath. “I’m so pathetic.”

You put your hand on his shoulder again, reassuringly, eyes holding his. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re hurt. Everyone is pathetic when they’re hurt.”

He gulps before nodding once. It takes everything in you not to offer him more comfort because you feel like the slope would tilt forwards far too much if you did. Instead, you help him to get up, wincing as he puts most of his weight on you, clutching his side with one hand. You’re infinitely aware of how his skin is sticky with sweat, but you ignore it as you slowly walk to the bedroom.

You can only hope the stitches will hold because you don’t think he’d be able to withstand another round of them.

You finally reach the bedroom and help San sit on the side of the bed. He sighs, eyes shut tightly, and he doesn’t move for a time. When he does, it’s to stiffly lie down on his side.

“You might want to sleep on your back,” you inform him. “I don’t want you rolling around and messing up the stitches.”

He glares at you, though he looks like he’s already half out of it. You hold his gaze until he gives in, turning on his back with a deep sigh. You arrange pillows around him to make sure he’s not moving, and by the time you’re done, his breathing has already evened out.

For a moment, you just watch him sleep. You see him in the field where young love blossomed like a trillion wildflowers. You can almost breathe his pollen again, can almost feel the softness of his skin under your fingertips.

But he’s not what he used to be. Back then, you felt like you had discovered something new. Love, infatuation, affection, and desire, all in the form of the man sleeping next to you. You’d used to kiss, dance and sing to a song only your souls knew, and now you don’t think you recognize him anymore.

As much as he is him, he’s also but just the ghost of what he was. He’s trouble, danger in the shape of innocence, and you recall his words from earlier. You recall the despair, the regret and sorrow that haunted him after he told you. You can’t let him get to your head.

You reckon sleep might help. Though you’re afraid he’s going to waste away in his sleep, so you set up an alarm every hour, before climbing on the other side of the bed. You don’t pull on the covers, mostly because the cabin is warm, and you can imagine it’s just going to get hotter as the sun goes up and the summer heat slowly sizzles into the countryside.

It’s a good thing you put an alarm on. Because when it rings an hour later, you don’t even remember falling asleep. You’re pretty sure the second your head touched the mattress, you were out to the land of dreams. You groan, mostly because you’ve got a slight headache, but you power through it to make sure San is still breathing.

When you see his chest moving up and down steadily, you let yourself fall back asleep.

This goes on for the whole morning, and you only force yourself to stay up when your phone shows that it’s passed noon. As you had suspected earlier, the cabin has gotten extremely warm, so you force yourself out of bed to open all the windows, and then you use the washcloth from earlier to gently wash San’s face of the sweat.

He doesn’t even flinch in his sleep, but he’s still breathing and for now, that’s all that matters.

You head back to the main room, grabbing a pack of chips from where you had left the food earlier, and then you move outside to sit by the lake. Mostly because you need to put distance between you and San, but also just because the childhood memories of this place have you in their hold, and they’ve decided to make you miss the times when you’d swim around with your cousins before both of them had moved out of town.

One day, it’s going to be you too. You already know where you’d go – on the other side of the country, as far away from here as possible. You just want to forget all about the place you grew up in, and you know that, in a few years, you will have forgotten.

Though you’re pretty sure a certain piercing gaze will haunt you forever, especially after the events of today.

When another hour passes, you head back inside, putting the empty bag of chips in the trash before you check up on San. He’s still asleep, but this time he doesn’t look as pale as he did earlier. You assume it’s going to take him a while before he wakes, so you head to the nearest town to grab more food. Mostly to busy yourself, but also just because you know San will need a place to hide for a lot longer than just the weekend. Might as well make sure you have enough for him to survive a couple of days. In town, you also stop to eat at a small café on a small terrasse in the shade of a few trees, and then you grab the food you think you might need at the grocery store.

It’s the middle of the afternoon when you get back, realizing that you forgot to buy a floor mat. As you spy San, who hasn’t moved an inch since he’s fallen asleep, you figure that sleeping next to him tonight should be fine.

As long as his presence in your vicinity doesn’t drag you down memory lane again.

You bought some meat in town, so you head to the little shack outside where the generator is hiding. There’s a gas canister right next to it – also full – and you busy yourself for the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to get it started. When it finally rumbles to life, you head back inside to put the meat in the fridge, which has finally come to life.

When you hear a groan, you quickly jog to San’s side, fully expecting to find him awake. Surprisingly, he’s still asleep, and you stay next to him for a full minute, thinking he might groan again, though he remains entirely silent.

If it wasn’t for his chest moving up and down steadily, you’d believe him to be dead. But now that a few hours have passed, you’re pretty positive he’ll make it, though he’s probably going to sleep through the day and possibly through the next one too.

Which leaves you in the most peaceful atmosphere you’ve been in for a while, with the opportunity to study as you listen to the rush of wind in the leaves of the tall trees surrounding the cabin. You sit outside, this time near the fireplace, and you study until your stomach grumbles, indicating that it is time for you to cook.

You cook the meat you’ve bought on the grill outside, feeling thankful that your dad once showed you how to use it. You go back in to grab a bottle of water before you eat, and you’re bent in the fridge when you hear San moan again, and this time it sounds like he’s saying something.

You gently close the fridge, making your way to the bedroom. San hasn’t moved, but his features are creased in a frown, and sweat is rolling down his temples. You wet the washcloth, gently wipe his face, and you’re about to leave when he moans again.

It takes you far too long to realize he’s apologizing. What for, you can’t really tell. Though you remember his troubled eyes this morning, you remember his story, and your heart breaks in your chest.

He’s haunted. You think the ghost of the dead guy will probably haunt him for the rest of his life. And suddenly you’re struck thinking maybe, maybe if you hadn’t broken his heart all those years ago, you could have saved him from the gang.

Maybe you could have opened his eyes.

You still remember the break-up like it was yesterday. You remember the rain, him leaving without once looking back, but mostly you remember the words you had uttered. Ghosts of their own, that feel more real now that he’s come back into your life.

*****

“You’re going to get hurt!” you yelled. “You’ll get hurt, San. What are you thinking?”

He scoffed, shaking his head, and little droplets of water shot all around him. “I’ll be careful. We need the money if we ever want to make it out of this shit town.”

You blinked away tears, folding your arms on your chest as you tried to keep your heart from breaking. Though you reckoned it had broken when your parents had told you what they knew about San. When your father had mentioned Ateez, and you’d truly realized what it meant that he was part of a gang. San, your sweet, soft, and bubbly San, in a gang that had murdered someone just a few weeks ago.

“But that’s not a way to make money!” you screamed, hoping he’d understand. Hoping he’d hear the truth in your words, hoping he’d change his mind before it was too late. “Why don’t you get a part-time job, like me? Then we can go to college and get jobs in a nice city on the other side of the country!”

“It won’t work,” he drawled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I want to be out soon, not in a few years. I barely even have a roof over my head, Y/n…”

“Come live with me,” you choked out around the lump in your throat.

You both knew fully well that your parents would never let him come near you again.

“I can’t.”

You cried, hiding your face in your hands. You cried thinking of the field where you usually met, thinking about its beauty now fading into ugliness. You thought about the wildflowers, withered and dead as autumn had come. You thought about how you were convinced you knew what love was.

“What’s the point?” you asked then. “What’s the point of putting your life in danger? Life isn’t some sort of a game, Choi San. Worse, what if you have to hurt someone? Do you think you’ll be able to pull the trigger?”

He clenched his jaw, hard. “Do me a favour and stop asking questions.”

You closed your eyes, feeling sick to your stomach. Because it couldn’t be. Not San. Not your smiley San, who’d always weave dandelions crowns with you, as you’d pretend you were a queen and a king of that field you had found. An empty field, an abandoned farmland that was just yours and his to explore. That had been home to your first kiss, and all of those that had followed.

Now you wondered why he had always wanted to meet there in the first place. Was he trying to hide?

"If you love me, you’ll get out while you still can,” you said as your tears suddenly ended.

There was a weird sense of clarity in you, suddenly. You remembered the day you had fallen in love, the moment you had first kissed. You remembered the stars in the sky above, the meteors falling for the two of you. You remembered the music on the radio you had brought. Some Arctic Monkeys song about heartbreak, about moving on and failing to do so. As a joke, when it had ended, you had asked San, “Do you think love is a laserquest?”

His answer had been cryptic, mysterious, things that had made you believe he was the one. “Maybe. Maybe it is, and I’ve shot you in the back while you weren’t looking. Maybe I’m that annoying player that won’t leave you alone.”

“I’ll never find you annoying,” you had replied.

But today, watching the rain rolling down his face like tears, you realized that maybe, maybe you should have seen the warning behind his words. Because this betrayal, it came like he had shot you in the back – you didn’t think you’d be able to recover from it.

The past dwindled away as San spoke again, reminding you of the question you had just asked him. “It’s not a question of love, Y/n. I do love you. But it’s a question of survival.”

You laughed, coldly, and then you said, “You know what? You’re full of shit.”

“Alright then. Do me a favour and tell me to go away.”

“Go away.”

A long silence had lingered between you, voided of that summer warmth that had you falling in love. Like a piece was missing from the contract of you loving him, and him loving you. And you realized, maybe you had never really loved each other anyway.

He nodded once when you didn’t say anything else, before turning away. And you watched him walk away. You watched him thinking he was going to turn around and tell you this was just some twisted joke, the prank of the century. Only, he never turned around, and he disappeared behind the bend in the road, never to be seen again, cracking your heart open and splitting it in half.

*****

The sun sets, like an ending to a dream. You’ve always liked the end – you think if you could choose, you’d want to witness the end of the world. The nostalgia, the beauty of endings… it’s something you understand now that you didn’t understand when you were younger. Because you and San ending, it had led to you focusing on high school. It had allowed you to get in the good college in town, with a scholarship that covered most of your expenses before you made it to med school.

There’s beauty in knowing losing San has allowed you to live out your dreams.

There’s less beauty in knowing that San has been sleeping for almost thirty-four hours now. Last time you checked, he was still breathing, but you’re starting to be afraid that he just won’t wake up. It’s irrational, you know – after the blood loss it makes sense that he’d sleep for a long time.

But it leaves you with far too much time on your hands to think and revisit the past. You’ve been doing it all day – thinking about the fight with your parents that had led to your break-up with San, thinking about that damn rainy evening he had walked away without once looking back. Thinking of the field, of sunshine and star falls and the sweetness of a first kiss. Thinking that, then, you thought you knew what it was like to be in love.

You haven’t dated anyone serious since San. Hyunmin was a distraction for a while, but you never were into it. Not like you were into San. There’s a guy in your class though, that you’ve been chatting with for a couple of weeks. He’s sweet, innocent, and the perspective of a future seems less scary with him around. He’s mentioned he wants to move across the country once too, and since then you’ve started talking more, the similarity of your wishes drawing you closer.

All day today you’ve been feeling like you’re slowly drifting away though. Slowly getting entrapped in a web you’re not sure you’ll be able to walk away from.

You decide to swim, seeking the fresh clarity only cold water can bring to you. You don’t have a swimsuit with you, but since San is half-dead in bed you figure it doesn’t matter. So you strip naked, feet making squelching sounds in the mud by the lake side as you step in the water.

The sharp cold has you holding your breath, but you don’t slow down. You’ve never slowed down in life – when you make a decision, you bring it to completion. And you’ve decided to swim, so swim you will.

The warm summer evening breeze catches in your hair as you take another step forward, the water now lapping at your thighs. You dread the moment it’ll hit your core, knowing that that’s the worst part, but you breathe in deeply, moving forward. Because there’s no moving backwards now.

When the water hits, your eyes flutter shut, and you hold in the wince that threatens to escape the mask of calm your features hold. Soon enough, you get deep enough to swim, and the movements bring welcomed warmth to your limbs as you flop on your back, tits out of the water.

Your uncle’s cabin is the only cabin in a fifteen miles radius. You know you won’t be interrupted, and so you let the water cool you down. Calm you down, hold you in its fresh embrace. It undoes knots in your back that have formed from worrying about San, but also from worrying about college.

From worrying that you will never be enough. You think it’s a normal anxiety to have, something most people must feel as they go through the trials of college, not knowing what to expect on the other side. A nice career, perhaps, though the perspective of failure is there too, looming over the horizon.

You sigh, and your eyes flutter open as your legs move mindlessly under you, making sure to keep you afloat. You look up at the azury ceiling over your head, so far away as it slowly turns gold. Out of touch, out of grasp. You watch the fluffy white clouds that are lazily crossing the sky, turning fiery in the sunset, as if they have all the time in the universe. And you wish you were them, up above. With nothing to worry about.

Without a Choi San on the brink of death lying about twenty meters away from you. You sigh, and you turn in the water, with the purpose of swimming again. Though your gaze catches movement by the cabin, and your head snaps towards it to see none other than the supposedly Choi San, standing on the deck with a hand clutching his side.

You shriek, looking down at yourself. Most of you is hidden, but you don’t know how long he’s been there. Don’t know if he’s seen you naked as you looked up at the sky.

He doesn’t move, only watches you where you’re swimming.

“Can you please look away?” you say from the water, and he has the nerves to lean against the railing, eyes still boring into where you’re swimming. You think his gaze might be so hot the water will boil, and it startles you into action.

You start walking out of the water, pointing towards the door. “You shouldn’t be up, Choi San.”

“I feel fine,” he says as you take another step forward, and the water barely hides your tits anymore.

That makes him turn around, as he offers you a little bit of privacy. You’re quick to get out of the water and wrap yourself in the towel you brought outside, and then you collect your clothes to head back to the cabin. San dutifully keeps his gaze away until you’re climbing the three steps leading to the deck, and it’s then that his eyes trail to you again.

“Thank you for the water,” he says, offering you a tentative smile.

You left water by his bedside earlier today hoping it will coax him to wake up. You’re strangely surprised that it worked.

“You should go sit inside,” you scold him, only half-heartedly. Because seeing him up and about reassures you, somehow.

He cocks an eyebrow, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “The weather is beautiful, I’d rather sit outside.”

You roll your eyes, but you do let him walk down the stairs to sit by the fireplace while you go inside to take a quick shower and get dressed. You decide to make some food for him, though you know he shouldn’t eat too much right now, after not having eaten for a while. He has to start slowly, and you don’t even know if he’s hungry anyway.

You settle for preparing a cup of chicken noodle soup for him, so at least it isn’t too heavy on his stomach. You bring it to him outside, as he’s just calmly observing the lake.

“Thank you,” he says, voice small as he grabs the cup and the spoon.

You sit next to him, trying not to watch him eat too much. His hair is sticking to his forehead in some places, and you have the distinct thought that he’ll probably need to shower. At least there’s plenty of rain water in the bucket for the water pump.

“What have you been doing while I was out?” he asks.

You spare him a quick glance before losing your gaze in the rocks of the fireplace. “I’ve studied. Checked up on you. Not much honestly.”

He chuckles. “I’d argue that caring for someone is a lot.”

You glance at him, cheeks burning at the sight of his teasing smile. “Not really.”

He chuckles again, but doesn’t say anything more before eating another spoonful of soup. He’s almost done with the cup when he actually does speak, asking, “How long was I out?”

“A day and a half,” you answer. “I’m actually surprised you haven’t slept longer.”

You can hear the smirk in his voice when he says, “I’m made of tough stuff.”

You snicker, but you don’t say anything, just focusing on where you’re kicking at the dirt. When he’s done with the cup, he puts it down on the ground next to him, before sitting back in the chair. He stretches out his legs in front of him, sighing deeply.

“I still feel out of it,” he admits, and you meet his gaze.

“You can sleep more,” you tell him. “I’d just like to check on the…”

You don’t even have to finish your sentence. He immediately turns so his side is to you, and you have to admit you’ve done a perfectly good job with the stitches.

“So?” he asks.

“All good.” You pat his shoulder. “You can sit comfortably again.”

He’s smiling when he does so, and his gaze wanders to the lake once again. “I’m sorry I…” he trails off, and he chuckles softly. “I’m sorry I interrupted your little swim earlier.”

You have the decency to flush furiously red, and you shrug your shoulders. “No worries, I wasn’t expecting you to be up so soon.”

You fall in a comfortable silence, surprisingly so. Rare stars dot the darkening sky up above, and all that can be heard for a moment is the flap of a bird’s wing as it moves from branches to branches in the trees by the water. The breeze picks up as you watch the little bird, and the leaves dance, loudly so. You’d think it’d be deafening in the silence between you and him, but it’s strangely reassuring.

As if, after all, you found your way back to the field. Only this time it’s completely different, as if decades have passed between you. At least, that’s how it feels like.

You notice San has dozed off in the chair next to you when you were about to speak to him again. To ask him how he’s truly been, in the years between then and now. Hoping to avoid mentioning what led to him coming to you, yesterday, a whole eternity ago.

You watch him, heart aching in your chest. Aching to reach out and brush his hair away from his forehead, aching to heal the cut on his cheek with a gentle swipe of your fingers. If only medicine was so simple…

It seems the peace of the early evening wasn’t going to stay around, because you notice dark clouds rolling in the distance, streaks of lightning cutting through them. Slowly inching closer, menacingly so, and you gently wake San up with your hand on his wrist.

He startles awake, hand shooting to his waist, finding nothing there. It startles you, and you both stare at each other for a moment until you realize what he was looking for.

His gun.

“San…” you let out and he runs his hand through his hair, eyes falling shut as he breathes in and out raggedly.

“Sorry.”

“San, I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t open his eyes, refuses to let you see the vulnerability you glimpsed behind his piercing gaze. Refuses to acknowledge that he’s terrified, deadly so.

“Let’s go in,” you tell him, softly. Because you’re afraid you’ll spook him, when he’s clearly been living in fear long enough. “There’s a storm coming.”

He nods, carefully getting up without sparing you a glance. He heads inside, hand clutching his side again, while you pick up the chicken noodle soup cup before following him.

You’ve refilled the generator before swimming, so you know it’s been charging the batteries for a while now. You don’t fear ending up in the dark with San, and there’s also always the option of using the lamps and candles your uncle always leave here in case of an emergency.

The storm doesn’t roll in until a little later. You’ve forced San to put a shirt on – mostly so your eyes would stop betraying you, dropping to his toned body whenever he talked to you. You’re currently sitting on the couch, and as the rain starts, hammering against the window behind you, you pull your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms comfortably around them.

“How hard do the storms hit here?” he asks, eyes trailed to the world outside.

You follow his gaze, right as wind picks up to make the water hit the window even harder, creating a cacophony that forces you to speak louder for him to hear. “Pretty hard.”

He nods, and he glances once at you. “Fun.”

You smile, because you’ve always liked storms. Have always found them electrifying, energizing.

“Do you remember when we used to go to the field when it rained?” San asks, taking you by surprise.

Making your heart clench so hard in your chest you have to take a wobbly breath in. If he notices he doesn’t say.

“We were always in that field,” you remind him. “No matter the weather.”

It’s his turn to smile fondly. “It got so pretty with all the wildflowers. But you were afraid of the bees.”

“Bees are scary!” You laugh, and he echoes it with a soft chuckle. “You’re the one that almost pissed yourself when we saw the rat.”

That makes him laugh, and he winces in pain clutching his side. “Gosh, is it supposed to keep on hurting like this?”

It douses your enthusiasm and your smile falls. “Well, it was a solid cut.”

His eyes get lost in the void as he takes on a wistful expression. “I’m surprised I didn’t die.”

You gulp, watching his profile carefully. “It wasn’t deep enough for that…” you trail off, even though you spent most of yesterday and today being convinced he’d die. “At least they didn’t… stab you.”

“They would have if… Wooyoung didn’t shoot.”

You remain silent, not knowing what to reply to that. San interprets that as discomfort, and he quickly adds, “He didn’t shoot them. Just… in the air. It attracted the police.”

You remember the cars zooming past the diner a lifetime ago, and you nod your head. “I heard.”

He seems surprised, and his gaze finally finds yours again. “You did?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle, a little awkwardly. “I hear a lot of shootings, in the diner.”

His eyes widen, mouth falling open cutely. “You do?”

You don’t know what he expected. The diner is right between Ateez and Bangtan territory, and as much as it is a safe space, it is also near enough to dangerous grounds, and you’ve heard plenty of shooting in your time working there.

“Always,” you admit. “It can get scary sometimes… but you also get used to it.”

He looks sad. Infinitely so, like a lost puppy. That’s when the first thunder hits, so sharp and sudden you startle. Not quite as much as San, who ducks, wincing in pain as he clutches his side.

“Shit,” he curses. “Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” you ask, in time with another thunderclap, though this time it’s more of a rumble.

You watch his chest as he breathes in and out quickly. “Just… fuck.”

Now, concern grows in you, and you gently put a hand on his shoulder. “San…”

He meets your gaze, and there’s so much white in his it makes you think of a terrified prey. And then it clicks: he thought it was a gunshot.

“Hey,” you quickly say, moving closer to him. You’re on the side of the stitches, so you still keep a safe distance between the two of you, but you grab his hand nonetheless. “You’re okay.”

“Fuck,” is all he’s able to say.

“I promise, no one’s going to find you here.”

He remains silent this time around, eyes still boring into yours. You take that as a cue to continue, because you don’t want him to panic. You want his thoughts here, with you, and not miles away in a city he should have escaped from years ago. You wish he had, knowing the atrocities that he would have avoided.

Would he have escaped with you, had you stayed just a little longer?

“I killed someone,” he says, and you balk at the silver lining his gaze. “I fucking killed him.”

You don’t know how to help. All you can think to do is cup his cheek, right as he starts breathing even faster. “Breathe with me, San.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes fall to your mouth. You make a good show of inhaling slowly, before exhaling even slower. It takes him a moment but he eventually follows your lead.

It breaks when there’s another sharp thunderclap, and he flinches, eyes shutting instinctively.

“Hey hey hey,” you say again, even more gentle, softer than before. You move even closer, and when a tear slips out of his closed eyes, you pull him into a hug, careful not to brush his side.

His head falls on your shoulder, and one of his arms wrap around your waist. A thunderclap later, he starts sobbing, fist balling the fabric of your shirt in his tight hold, and you let him do it. You let him hold onto you, hoping it’ll keep him here with you. Hoping it’ll keep him afloat during the storm that’s raging both outside and in his mind.

“It’s going to be okay,” you breathe, and you feel like you’re lying to him.

Because how can he ever be safe from the ghosts inside of his skull? The ghosts wandering the halls of him, tainting his soul with their presence?

“He’s never going to smile again,” San chokes out. “Everyone loved him. Even in Ateez… Jungkook was the best of us. The only one who had a shot at getting out of it.”

You don’t know how good he could have been, if he was a member of Bangtan. In your mind, you’d always seen Bangtan as the bad guys, mostly because they weren’t with San. Even when you had been struggling to evade that life, you’d still rooted for him.

It’s strange how you just realize that now, as you’re holding him while he breaks.

“You didn’t mean to kill him,” you remind San, still speaking with the calmest voice you can muster up. “You didn’t want to, San. You’re not a murderer.”

“I’m still a killer,” he says. He sounds angry, and you reckon he might be angry at himself. Might be consumed with his actions, dragged to hell before his time as his mind gets stuck replaying the events.

“Maybe,” you answer. “But,” you quickly add when he stiffens in your arms. “But you can spend the rest of your life making up for it. Repenting.”

He doesn’t respond right away, as he breaks some more, sobs rocking through him. You’ve never seen him like this, not even when you were younger and in love. It makes your gaze wet, yet you hold on strong for him. You keep your head held high, and you allow him to break in the safe haven that your arms represent.

Because to him, you’ve never been tainted. You’ve always been the ideal he was trying to pursue, albeit the wrong way.

“I don’t know how to repent,” he admits when he calms down. He turns his head, and his nose brushes along the skin of your neck, slightly tickling you. You ignore the feeling, especially as he adds, “Ateez… it’s all I’ve ever known.”

You run a hand on his back, soothingly. “It isn’t.”

Because there was you, too. There was the summer field and the twinkling stars and Artic Monkeys on the radio. There was the two of you, petal-soft kisses exchanged in the dead of night and in the brightness of day. There were rainy days, and then there was rain. There was him walking away, and you hate yourself then.

You wish you had stopped him that day, had kept him from going on to become what he’s become now. A person he clearly hates, someone that has a bounty on his head. Someone that doesn’t even believe they’re allowed redemption and you reckon you don’t even know if he is.

You only know that seeing him break is bending your will, the way the wind outside is bending the trees. All you can hope is that, like the tall trees, you won’t break.

*****

The storm calmed down sometime around midnight. San ended up falling asleep on the couch, as you’d reassuringly ran your hand through his hair, trying to keep him with you. Though you think he’s been slipping through your fingers, into his demons.

You’ll find a way to bring him back. You have to. Turns out it comes faster than you think, as the electricity runs out and you busy yourself with lighting some candles throughout the main room. When you’re done, you put a blanket over him, and you almost let out a startled scream as his eyes shot open.

“Hello,” you say, resting a hand on your heart to tame the wild beats.

You’re about to move away, but he grabs your hand, forcing you to sit next to him. You don’t really resist, though you think you probably should. You’re weak – weaker still when he murmurs your name.

“San,” you whisper in return, and you’re aware your voice carries too much longing. Longing for a past when life’s atrocities hadn’t changed either of you yet.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes, and a tear rolls on his cheek.

You dry it, fingers lingering there. “It’s okay.”

“Angel…”

The nickname brings you back to laser quests and favours and warmth creeping up your stomach for the first time in your life.

“I’m no angel,” you breathe.

“You saved me.”

You hold his gaze. There’s something hiding behind his pupils. The need, to forget. You don’t think you have the ability to run his mind through amnesia, but still you brush his cheek again.

“You deserved saving.”

His eyes glaze once more, though this time no tears fall. “It’s hard to believe it.”

“Do you still believe love is a laser quest?” you ask him, out of the blue.

As if you’re a line straight of that Arctic Monkeys song you listened to the first time you kissed.

“Maybe,” he says, a parallel to that first time you had asked the question. “Maybe it is.”

You can’t resist. You lean down, and you press the gentlest kiss on his lips. His are dry, but the way he sighs with you against him is soft, for your heart and for your mind, and you kiss him again. He lets you lead, follows the dance of your lips, lets you run your hand through his sweaty hair.

Even if you shouldn’t. Even if you know everything you’re doing right now is a mistake, you still find yourself deepening the kiss, opening your lips to slip your tongue out, teasing his mouth. One of his hands finds your thigh, and he squeezes ever so slightly as his tongue finds yours, and you let out a breathy sound.

When you pull away, eyes fluttering open, you find San’s gaze. You think about the boy he was then, the girl you were then. You think about who you were, together. And when he says, “Please make me forget”, you lean again, capturing his mouth in a languid kiss.

For a reason unknown, the summer sky and falling stars pale in comparison to this kiss. Maybe because it holds longing, nostalgia. Hope that life would have turned out differently. For a moment, you picture what it would have been like, without Ateez. With you and him in the field, in your family house, in a car driving by the beach, windows down as the sun sets and you sing along to the radio, wind blowing in your hair.

You see a whole life there, with you and him marrying in the field, under the sun that had been the host of your first love. You imagine growing up by his side, attending college with him in the big city. You imagine how he would have become the owner of his own construction company, like his dad before him. You picture kids laughing, running around the house he would have built for you. You see Christmas light, late nights antics by the firelight.

You see it all, and you know you’ll never have any of it. But if you can have tonight, then you’ll grab it before it slips through your fingers. Before he walks away in the rain again, only to be a memory you cherish in the deepest corners of your heart.

“How?” you ask him when you pull away.

Mostly, you’re asking how to make him forget. But you’re also asking how it is that the feelings are still there, even stronger now, as if they’ve grown up with you, yet haven’t changed like you have. Like they are a constant of an ever-changing universe.

“Kiss me again,” he asks, begs, and you give in. You kiss him wildly, always making sure not to touch his side and the stitches.

You know sex would be a stupid idea, especially with the fresh stitches. But also because he’s barely had time to recover. But he doesn’t really give you a choice, pulling you on top of him until you’re straddling him.

You sit back on him for a second, eyes trailing to the spot where you know the stitches are. “This isn’t a good idea,” you whisper through the ragged breaths caused by the ministrations of his mouth on yours and of yours on his.

“I’m fine,” he says, and you know you shouldn’t believe him. But when he pulls you down again, large hand holding the nape of your neck firmly so you don’t escape, you want to believe him.

Want to believe the beauty of his lies, like you had when you were younger.

From where you’re perched, you can feel the start of his erection pressing against you, and you moan softly in the kiss, rolling your hips. His mouth falls open, and you capture his tongue, sucking on it once before you pull away, leaving hot kisses on his jaw.

“Sit on my face,” he says, and he sounds out of his mind. Crazed, a little like you too feel at the moment.

“What?”

“Can’t get hurt if you sit on my face, angel,” he explains, and then hisses when you suck a hickey on his neck.

You let him pull your shirt off, unclasping your bra yourself as you sit back on his lap. He cups your breasts, rolling your erect nipples between his thumbs and indexes. You moan again, grinding your hips into his, and he hisses once more.

“You want to taste me?” you ask, head throwing back as he pinches your nipples hard.

“I’d fuck you, but you’re the doctor. Can’t risk fucking up my stitches, huh?” he replies, voice low and husky.

Your core heats up, pussy clenching around nothing. This is a side of him you’ve never seen, though you spy desperation beneath it. Like he thinks he doesn’t have forever, when it comes to you.

He’s right. Because tomorrow, you’ll have to go back into town, into the hellscape you call home. What will be left of the two of you then?

So when he tugs at your pants, you give in and get up, taking off your pants and panties in one swift motion. You step out of them, blood heating up by the way he’s looking at you through half-lidded eyes, gaze burning on you.

You have half a thought that you could probably ride him instead of his face, but when you see his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips, making them glisten in the candlelight, you need to know what it’ll feel like against you.

So you straddle his face as he guides you down, large hands pushing on your thighs until your pussy is a hairsbreadth away from his lips. He blows on it, and your eyes shut with sensitivity. You clutch the cushion of the couch, hoping it’ll help steady you, but the moment his tongue flicks at your clit, you realize nothing will be able to steady you. Yet you still hold onto it, especially as he dives his tongue between your folds, lapping up your juice. He moans in contentment, before moving to your clit again. And his tongue is wicked down there, like it knows exactly what you like.

You grab a handful of his hair, grinding into his face. You’re pretty sure he’s chuckling down there, and then he unleashes himself. Sucking hard, alternating circling motions to teasing you with his teeth. You’d expect the latter to hurt, but the way he does it just makes you see stars, and your pussy clenches around nothing again.

San is deadly good with his mouth. Both with crafting lies and pulling moans out of you, and your thighs tighten against his face as he sucks particularly hard, before dipping his tongue inside of you. His nose brushes your clit, and then he forces you to properly sit on him.

The way his tongue moves inside of you, lapping up your juices while opening you up, has you on the brink of an orgasm in no time. Especially as he makes you grind again, holding you tight into place. When one of his hands moves from around your thigh to reach your clit, you cry out, head throwing back.

He’s quick to rub at your sensitive clit, and you grab one of your breasts, massaging it mindlessly before you pinch your nipple, hard, right in time with a skilled swipe of his tongue. Your orgasm meets you there, shaking through you as it explodes in a blinding flash of light. You moan, loudly, something that resembles his name, and he keeps you going, guides you through your high until you cringe with oversensitivity.

Only then does he let you climb off from his face. You stand on wobbly legs, before deciding to sit next to him, and you catch sight of the smirk on his lips. It makes you blush, right as you realize what you’ve just done.

When you realize what kind of sinful activity he’s dragged you in, this time around.

“Gosh,” is all you manage to say.

He chuckles, clearly proud with himself. “That felt good?”

You worry at your bottom lip, eyes going down to the tent in his pants. You want to pleasure him too, to take him in your mouth and make him feel good, but he stops you with a hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Don’t.”

You still and you meet his gaze with slightly-widened eyes. “Why not?”

His features turn somber, haunted, and the heat of the moment passes so quickly you think it might have been a figment of your imagination.

Were you really riding his face just a moment ago?

“Please just lay next to me,” he says, barely even a whisper.

You don’t know a lot of men that would choose cuddling over getting a blowjob, but if that is what he wants, then you’ll give it to him. You lay next to him, glad that the injured side is closer to the couch. That way, you can cuddle up to him, resting your head on his shoulder while he wraps an arm around you.

“Angel,” he murmurs after a time. “You’re a fucking angel. I think you’re my salvation.”

You highly doubt you hold this kind of power, but you don’t want to tell him. Have never been good at weaving beautiful lies for him to believe.

“We should stay here,” he continues. “Forever.”

And you wish you could. Wish reality didn’t exist, didn’t call for you to go back to your regular life like you’ve never been here with him. But you know tomorrow exists, and you’ll have to leave.

“We should have stayed in the field,” you choose to answer. “Under the shooting stars.”

“I wished for a lifetime with you, then,” he admits. “I wished I’d never have to let you go.”

You’d wished for a similar thing, but life is far too cruel to allow a world of first loves.

“Why did you…” you trail off. The question has haunted your sleepless nights for a long time after the break-up. Even years later, you’d still think about it sometimes, wondering if nostalgia would choke you up. “Why did you decide to join the gang?”

He tenses next to you. But you start tracing a mindless circle on his chest, through the shirt, and it distracts him enough for him to reply. “I thought I didn’t have a choice.”

“Did you?”

His voice holds the weight of the world when he says, “I did. And I made the wrong one.”

You want to cry, but you’re older now. You’re not the teenager who thought she was going to die from losing him anymore. You know what living without Choi San is like, and as much as it hurts, you know that it’s doable.

“You made the one you believed was right,” you say carefully. “But I do wish you had made a different one.”

He holds you a little tighter, as if that will make it so tomorrow never comes. “Me too.”

There’s an eternity of flickering candlelight on the ceiling, of the circles you trace on his chest and of your breathings forming a melody. Outside, the wind has died down, and the world is silent except from an occasional cricket braving the world after the storm.

“Where will you go, once you graduate?” he asks, taking you by surprise.

Because he knows. It’s one of the few things that hasn’t changed.

“As far away from here as I can.”

“I hope you find peace, wherever you go,” he whispers. “I hope you forget all about how we grew up in a hellhole.”

Do you feel bad for saying it? Maybe. But you can’t help saying it anyway. “I will, San.”

And like that rainy day years ago, you think you can see him walk away.

*****

Seven years later

The winter sun is strangely bright, up above. You’d think it will warm you up, but the cold is relentless, violent, and it sneaks into your coat as you walk out of the hospital. You’ve just finished a thirty-hour shift, and you can’t wait to be home.

To take a shower and forget that you’ve lost a patient today.

But you’ve saved another. A young man, with a stab wound in his ribs that should have killed him. But you saved him, stabilized his condition to the point you don’t have to worry about him anymore. Which is the only reason why you’re allowing yourself to leave now.

You’re never able to leave until you know your patients are okay. It’s been that way since your first patient, in a cabin in the woods you’ve done your best to forget.

You’d let San stay, after that weekend. He had given you the number of one of his friends, so you could get some clothes for him, and you’d gone back the next weekend. Bringing him the clothes, making love to him under the moonlight as if that would change the ending.

The following week, you had gone back to find the cabin empty. He’d left a note behind.

I hope I can find you again, wherever you go.

You kept the note. It’s in your bedside table, back at home, in the nice apartment you’ve been able to rent for yourself with all the money you’ve been making now. Enough to pay back student loans from med school, enough to reassure you that never again will you struggle.

You’ve never seen San again after. He hasn’t found you, and you haven’t searched for him. Have only looked up his name a couple of times, in the months following his disappearing, scared you’d find out that he was found dead in a ditch. But his name never came up, and you wondered if he had managed to escape, if he had managed to find a place where Bangtan couldn’t reach him.

You found peace, on your side of the country. Life is kinder here, though it still holds the same atrocities. You wonder if it’s the novelty of the city, or maybe if you’ve just grown old enough to be able to withstand the bad that the world throws your way. It’s hard to tell – you haven’t kept contact with anyone from back home, except Jae-on.

Jae-on, who’s moved with you when you’ve decided to come here, like he said he would. Jae-on, who asked you to marry him in late October, and you said yes. The ring sits heavy on your finger, and you mindlessly play with it.

In another world, you would already be married to Choi San. Sometimes, you catch glimpses of that world – a piercing gaze in the morning, a smile and a kiss to your temple. Talks about angels, children screaming in happiness. In another world, you’d be pregnant again, waiting patiently to add another piece of you and him to this world.

It’s fun to think about, sometimes, but you’ve been good at forgetting. Like you told him you would – most times, you’ve forgotten all about Choi San.

But today, you had a patient that reminded you of him. So you allow yourself to feel, you allow yourself to think about that note tucked in the bottom drawer of your bedside table, hidden under the thick socks you never use.

You allow yourself to think about the cabin in the woods, about the field where you would have gotten married had you been in that picturesque world you like to imagine. You think about laser quests and first kiss and rainy days and meteors. You think about summer, about wildflowers and him.

You’re so lost in thought you miss your stop home, and you begrudgingly get out at the next one. You’re tired, and your hands are shaking as you pull your phone out of your tote bag, wanting to text Jae-on that you’re going to be home late because you missed your stop. You walk to the other side of the tracks, sighing when you see a five-minutes wait for the next subway.

At least the sun is high in the sky, even though it is dreadfully cold. You shiver, putting your phone back in your tote bag so you can hide your hands in your sleeves again, hoping it’ll preserve them from the cold.

In your exhaustion, you forgot your gloves back at the hospital, you realize. It’s strange that you only realize now, and you reckon you really need to sleep, because your brain isn’t even working right anymore.

You sigh, glancing at the display showing the time. Still four minutes to wait. You think at this rhythm you might freeze in your spot before the next subway comes. You try to hide your face in the lapel of your coat, but a movement on the other platform attracts your gaze.

A man is helping an older woman climb down the stairs. She’s speaking loudly, which might be what attracted your gaze in the first place. You follow them as they walk down the stairs, and then when the man turns towards you, you meet his piercing gaze.

He smiles, and you realize that maybe, all those years ago, he was not spinning lies to you after all.

☆☆☆☆☆

Gosh yeahhh rereading it had me ralize that it is a lot sadder than I remembered it to be. At least we got an open ending ... :') What did we think? Should I write about other groups more often? Let me know what you think! All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate

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