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laangdonn · 4 months

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not anymore pt2

summary: y/n tries growing in her grief at hilltop.

pairing: carl grimes x female reader

a/n: ya’llllllll thank you so much for loving the first part!!! i’d actually written pt1 a year ago and never rlly planned to ever make a pt2 but ask and you shall receive lolol, hope you like!!

*read part 1 here*

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“todays the day rick n carl should be gettin here,” maggie said, sending a spoon with tomato soup into her mouth, “you ready to see him?”

i released a shaky breath, playing with my own bowl of food as my starved appetite vanished. i stared at the red, swirling liquid. “i don’t know.”

“a month wasn’t enough time apart?” she asked, eyeing me cautiously.

i hadn’t wanted to repeat myself, but i had no other answer. “i- i don’t know.”

it hadnt seemed like a month apart. i would’ve sworn it had been yesterday i walked out of alexandria alone, two duffel bags in my hand and a gun, ready to fend off anything or anyone that crossed my path.

but it had been a month, the longest we’d ever been apart. and i missed him more than anything.

it still didn’t shake my hesitancy, my worry that the moment we spend time alone we’ll go back to disagreements and fighting and perhaps, i’d never go back to alexandria again. and that’ll be the end of us. till one of dies and the other is forced to reconcile the fact that we’d never made up.

it scared me to see him. to see death again.

“well,” maggie swallowed again, her short hair bristling in the chilly air from the open window, “i think when you see him, that’s when you’ll really know.”

i nodded slowly, my eyes still trained on my soup.

she stood up out of the chair, “i need to find greg, talk to him ‘bout a few things.” she eyed me again, noticing my static, unmoving position. “you’ll be alright while i’m gone?”

i looked up at her then, not wanting her to worry, “i’ll be fine, mags.”

she gave me a small, reassuring smile and a kiss on the crown of my head before she went off, and i was left in my thoughts.

luckily, maggie’s trailer provided a lot of privacy, and knowing the tenants at hilltop, i wouldn’t be disturbed.

i stared off to a chip in the paint, thinking.

——

“i can come with you.”

“carl-“

“why can’t i just take you to hilltop and leave?”

“because, carl, don’t-“

“it’s dangerous, y/n, and reckless-“

“carl-“

“and stupid-“

“would you stop interrupting me!”

he went quiet then, his burly arms crossed over his flannel chest, eye staring daggers into my figure.

we stood by the door to our house, two duffel bags leaning against the wall i so desperately wanted to pick up and run out.

i knew despite him saying he wouldn’t stop me going, it wouldn’t eliminate the imminent last ditch effort fight from occurring.

“you told me you’d let me go.” i said slowly, as if reprimanding a child, “don’t go back on your word.”

he rolled his eyes, “god forbid i don’t want you out there by yourself! have my dad take you for fucks sake just don’t-“ he pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling stressfully, “don’t go by yourself.”

“i can take care of myself, carl.” i spat, feeling anger surge through me at his distrust in me. “i’ve survived this long.”

“you never know what can happen out there.” he threw his hands up, “or here! yesterday, that dick’s gun was to your head in this fucking room!”

i felt his rage, i voiced his yells. it made my head spiral that i were still trapped in alexandria, suffocating in this broken reflection of my relationship that could barely withstand some independence.

but, bringing myself to reality, i also knew his fear, knew the dread at the unknown. knew the loss he was experiencing even while i was still standing in front of him, alive and breathing.

i shuddered out a breath, walking over to him to put my hands sturdily on his shoulders.

i looked up at him, watching his anger dissipate when we locked eyes.

“i know you’re scared for me,” i said softly, talking quickly before he’d have a chance, “but i need you to trust me.”

“y/n-“

“no,” i put my finger to his soft lips, “let me finish.”

i brought my hand down, his eye watching my finger fall from his flesh.

“i’ll send a letter the second i get to hilltop, so you know i’m safe,” i swallowed, “i’ll have my gun loaded and extra ammo, anything i could scavenge up from the armory.”

his eyebrow relaxed, listening to me talk.

“this is what we’re made for now,” i shook him a bit and sent him a weary smile to ease his tension, “we’re made to do these things on our own.”

he exhaled shakily, nodding to fool himself into thinking he’d allow this, that he’d watch me walk away from him into trees of undead and alive.

i leaned up to his face, our noses brushing every so slightly. my heart boomed in my chest, beating so hard i swore he could hear it himself. maybe it was both of our hearts, desperate to intertwine again.

“do you trust me?” i whispered softly, so our lips grazed.

i heard him swallow, and the breath from his nose fan my face.

“yeah,”

i pulled back at that, knowing if we kissed, for the first time since…, i knew i’d lose the battle to my heart and stay.

i grabbed the two duffel bags and locked my palm around the doorknob.

looking over my shoulder, i sent a reassuring smile, “i’ll see you when we’re okay.”

he didn’t respond, and while it sent a jolt to my gut of disappointment and guilt, i turned back and opened the door.

“y/n,” i heard him say, just as i left.

i barely looked over my shoulder.

“i love you.”

i bit my lip, finally, tears stinging the corners of my eyes.

“i love you, too.”

and the door shut.

——

crossing the lines to hilltop and realizing who i’d be seeing almost sent me running the other direction.

fear of maggie’s state of being gave me a headache as i drew closer to the entrance, and once i was close enough in view, could see her faint outline on a lookout post illuminated by the bright sun behind her.

i knew she saw me when i heard a voice scream my name.

she disappeared from the post and soon the large, wooden doors opened. i ran the rest of the way, dropping my bags and falling tiredly into her expectant arms.

as much as i told myself i’d stay strong for her, the smell of her hair and the memories of that night came sweeping back and i sobbed, wet and noisily, into her chest that shook with her own cries.

i didn’t realize we’d fallen to the floor till i felt my exposed knees sting from skimming the rough dirt.

“what-“ she sniffled, a sob breaking through her, “what are you doing here?”

i took a shaky breath in, trying to compose myself, “i came to see you.”

she frowned, burying her face back into my shoulder.

we cried a few more moments, let ourselves drown in glenn’s absence, in front of all the onlookers who just watched silently.

i pulled back, dread creeping into my stomach when i looked at maggie’s

“the-“ i swallowed, “the baby-“

“fine,” she answered quickly, stroking tears off my cheeks and sending me a faint smile, “just fine.”

i breathed a sigh of relief, nodding at the scarce good news before standing and helping her up, too.

she looked healthier than the last time i saw her, fatter in her face and her arms. her stomach barely bulged as a reminder a part of glenn resided there.

behind her i saw sasha standing, her arms folded. even from far away, i could tell she just looked even worse, instead of better.

i sent her my best sympathetic smile, receiving one back but knowing deep down, it was just another lie to comfort me.

i looked to maggie, gripping her forearms, “take me to him.”

seeing glenn’s grave, surprisingly, comforted me more than disturbed me. to know we had him, safe under dirt and bugs, but still, safe. better than laying out in the gravel, for prying, evil eyes to view him.

he was returned back to us in less than one piece, but his soul was whole with us.

i held maggie’s hand as we looked down, a few flowers resting over the raised patch of dirt.

i swallowed harshly, “what would he think now?”

“of what?” she asked softly, our eyes never wavering from the ground.

“of carl and i. of what’s been destroyed.”

i felt her squeeze my hand, “you and carl aren’t destroyed.”

i shook my head, feeling tears blur my vision and my nose sting.

she continued, “you’re right for the time apart, to grieve separately if that’s what you need.”

“is it enough?” i asked brokenly, finally looking at her.

she gestured our intertwined hands to glenn’s grave.

“ask him.”

and so i did.

i spoke to glenn’s grave everyday. sometimes scattered stories of our memories, from the prison, from on the road. sometimes i cried so hard i couldn’t breathe under the empty dusk, sometimes i laughed so hard my stomach hurt. sometimes i sat in silence.

but mostly i talked about carl.

——

if i stared hard enough at that paint chip, i could’ve sworn the wall tore a bit more right before my eyes.

i knew who i had to see, to remind me this absence was for something, that i’d grown in my grief.

my feet carried me to his grave, hidden away behind maggie’s trailer. i sat down comfortably in front of it, hugging my knees to my chest.

“are we okay?” i whispered to the air. “will i see you in him?”

“was all of this for nothing? will it always be this way, glenn?” i wiped my hand over my nose.

i let out a shaky breath at the thought, “can we overcome this?”

“yes.”

my head whipped around, and i saw carl, standing with his arms at his sides, tears filling up his ocean eye.

it gave me whiplash how fast i stood up and launched myself into his unexpecting arms. they rested limp for a moment, but quickly moved to hug my torso tightly, lifting my feet slightly off the grass as i wedged my head between his neck.

we pulled back slightly to stare at each other, and i searched his face for the blood, for the black line, for the axe.

i smiled softly when i realized all i saw were glenn’s memories.

happy memories, of the hot days at the prison when we sweat so hard playing tag, of playing a dusty board game in alexandria the first night when we were too hesitant to sleep, of watching his love with maggie and seeing it reflected in carl and i.

“why’re you smiling?” he whispered, his own face pulling to reveal a grin. he knew.

i leaned in closer, tipping his sheriffs hat up so our noses could brush.

“because i don’t see it, not anymore.” i finally let our lips touch, a kiss that sent flames bursting in my stomach and my fingers to shake with anticipation.

he leaned into the kiss, and i felt the breath on my face at his sigh of relief.

i knew he knew what i meant when i saw the tiny twinkle in his eyes reappear looking at me, knowing he felt the same.

i pulled back ever too quickly, evident in how he leaned in again.

but before i gave him the chance to kiss me again, i let my smile burst through.

we all had a long way to go, people to kill and more people to lose, but in this moment, right in this moment:

“i see you now.” i said.

and that was enough.

#carl grimes angst #carl grimes #carl grimes imagine #carl grimes fluff #twd #the walking dead #maggie greene #maggie rhee #twd angst #glenn rhee #carl grimes one shot #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes x fem!reader #twd season 7 #twd carl

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be-missed · 6 months

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Not Strong Enough (Chap 3)

Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader

(picture not mine)

Summary: Jenna was visiting her mom in the hospital to drop off the food that will be eaten for the hospital party, but she met a resident surgeon and she thought "God forbid I ran into an accident, but I want her to open me and stitch me up." While the surgeon tries her best to keep her fan girling low-key.

Warning: curse words

A/N: Hey, 3rd chapter in a row. Thank you again for reading and enjoy!

Masterlist

Chap 1 | Chap 2

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Chap 3

"Had a fun time in the party, I'm so glad we got to have this celebration for our achievements in our department" Ava said as she dropped her bags beside their front door. Behind her is her wife Beatrice, followed by Y/N and their other friend Camila, who is also a doctor in the Pediatric Department.

"Aww, that really sucks, why do I always get to be left out by you guys." Camila said with a pout on her lips while the other three people inside the house just laughed at her.

"Well sweety, you chose to do your residency in Pedia Department and you love kids, that is why." Beatrice answered her while she went to Ava in their kitchen to help with reheating the premade dinner that they cooked earlier today.

As Y/N and Camila got settled in the living room, they started to catch up with each others life and what stresses them in their department. A little banter over here and there, laughs were echoing throughout the household until Ava called them to go to the dining table to eat.

"Cheers to us noobs to conquering and still being here thriving to do our best, cheers." Y/N tells as she raised their glass and drink their wine.

"I told you having a monthly dinner between the four of us is a great idea, us being free and to catch up with one another." Camila said with a cheeky grin while the other three are just laughing.

"We are all well informed with each others life since we are just literally in the same department unlike you." Beatrice chimed in which makes them laugh, because they love to tease Camila for being the only one that chose pediatrics, but they truly support her since that is where her passion goes but they also love teasing her.

"Not fair guys, I'm getting bullied here, I'm all by myself." Camila teasingly moping and laughing.

"But truly, I really am thankful for the three of you for adopting me in your friend group. I always feel that my home is far but when I'm with you all, home just gets a little bit closer." Y/N tells with a grateful smile on her face.

"Okay, stop with the cheesiness, Halloween is just around the corner so Bea and I planned of a Halloween party, but you know, just for the four of us since we can't really handle big crowds and get overstimulated." Ava proposed and laughs.

"I'm definitely in." Y/N approved and everyone nodded while they enjoy their dinner.

While Y/N is having fun in Ava and Bea's household, Jenna on the other side is facing her mom with the questions that she expected to be asked.

"Well?" Natalie asked Jenna with her left hand on her hip.

"She is new and she looks fun, what is wrong with having a new friend right?" Jenna answered.

Natalie looked at her daughter with questioning eyes, not fully believing what her daughter answered, but, she won't push through, she doesn't want to rush and pressure her daughter.

"Okay, I believe in you. But don't pull that stunt on me again mija, I am a nurse not an actress." Natalie answered with a smile and kissed her daughter's forehead as she leaves Jenna's room.

---

Sun goes up so then another day arrived. The beams of light never shined so bright for Y/N because today is her day-off, which means she can just lay-down and just spend the rest of her day snuggling her pillow and ordering a whole pizza for dinner just to binge watch Brooklyn 99 for the nth time.

BUT. There is a big but that comes to her mind. If they will have a costume party, that means that she needs to buy a costume for herself, because if she did not, Ava will totally gonna punch her face, Camila will kick her in the stomach, and Beatrice will gonna Aikido her. So yes, what she planned was never gonna happen.

Y/N rolled over on her bed until her feet falls and touches the ground, and tries to push her body to stand up. She is trying so hard, looking like a baby that wants to stand up and just walk, and after fighting her own for a second, she got the chance to stand up and scream.

Screaming, that was therapeutic for Y/N, you just scream and all the tension inside your body will somehow get out. For her it is good, but for her neighbors, probably no.

Finding some clothes and going outside to her car, she received a notification.

Fr Jenna:

Thank you again for yesterday.

To Jenna:

No worries. You can text me or call me if you need something :D.

Fr Jenna:

Wow, that is something that I will hold on to ;)

And with that, Y/N smashed her head in her steering wheel, asking WHY OH WHY, Jenna just sent her a wink. A FUCKING WINK. It's just a wink but her heart can't seem to follow the right rhythm for it to function naturally.

Breathing in, Breathing out. A minute of breathing exercise helped Y/N to pull herself together and starts her car to go to the mall.

Traffic lights turned from green to red from red to green, driving around corners and street while listening to NIKI, Y/N arrived at the mall and had one thing in mind; to buy a dress just like Mavis from Hotel Transylvania.

She loved that movie, that is probably one of her comfort movie. So, on the drive to the mall, she sets her mind on finding a black dress, a red and black striped thigh and some pair of fangs.

Going in and out of different stores, she got to buy the dress and the fangs, but those damn red and black striped thighs are surely nowhere to be found. Going down the escalator, she saw a crowd of people that is following a person, with their cellphones out, flashes from their phone camera on, a paper to sign on.

Y/N thinks that it must be a pain in the ass to be in the middle of a crowd and getting huddled at. Trying to find the person that causes a crowd, she stops on the foot of the escalator and tried to tip on her toes and found her target.

While seeing the person that was in the middle she thought "Wow, she is so small in the middle, with her big ass headphones? Damn she might not here a thing, and that fit, she knows how to dress." Slowly, her eyes trail from the girl's outfit and focused on her face that was hidden with those bangs.

And Y/N realised, like she got hit by a truck, struck by lighting, and thrown in an ice bath. HOLY SHIT IT IS JENNA YOU DUMBASS. Y/N hurriedly went and followed the crowd yelling Jenna's name.

"JENNA..... JEEENNNAAAA." Y/N realised that that was a dumb move, everyone calling Jenna. So the next thing that Y/N did is to thread along in the crowd until she is close enough to touch Jenna.

But Jenna is inside her head thinking, she just wants to chill and relax by the roof top in the mall, reading a book that she just bought so she could have a relaxing day. But then a person noticed her and the news that Jenna Ortega was in the building spread like a wildfire until she builds a crowd that is now huddling her.

All Jenna wanted was some peace. She just wants to do the things that she did in the past, but it looks like she also can't have that now. Being so much in her head, she never realised that Y/N was totally yelling at her and calling her, not until she felt someone tugged at her elbow, and she really tried to be polite, but tugging her elbow was her last straw. So she looked up with her brow meeting at the end and ready to throw some bad looks to the person that just tugged her.

That's when she realised that it was you. The angry face and her eyes that holds a look that can kill slowly disappear. Her eyes are now looking at you with such tender and softness, her lips are holding a sad smile, and her brows never looked so calm. So what she did was to stop on her tracks to focus on you more.

"You wanna get out?" Y/N asked, while Jenna just nodded.

Y/N graced Jenna with a bright smile and asked "Think you can run?" and without waiting for Jenna's answer, Y/N tugged Jenna's hands as they started to run away from the crowd and went inside the department store which where they try to lose the people that is trying to follow Jenna.

Even though they are out of breath, smiles was plastered in their faces, hands are tightly held with each other and with every passing floor that they run to, they got into a secluded place of the store and got the chance to take a little rest and chase their breaths.

Y/N was the one to break the silence "Well that was fun." and she handed Jenna a handkerchief that was neatly folded inside her back pocket while she swiped her own sweat with another handkerchief that she got from her front pocket.

Jenna accepted the handkerchief and helped herself "Always ready. huh?" and smirked, while Y/N answered "Yup, we never know when a pretty lady needs one, right?" and winked at Jenna.

AND DAMN, Jenna knows that she is blushing so she just kept on blotting her face.

"Do you have a ride home? I can drop you by if you want." Y/N kindly offered, and Jenna is too tired to defy so she just nodded and said "Yes please."

---

While in the car, the album that Y/N played earlier continued to help them blur out the noise from the outside.

"Thank you for earlier, I was just trying to relax then everything got out of hand and then one moment I was alone the I got crowded by a lot of people and I kind of just shut down and blurred my environment." Looking at y/N's side profile with a sad look on her face.

"Hey now, don't be hard on yourself. It's fine and you're welcome. I don't know how you fully feel about the situation that happened earlier but I am right here to listen to it and to understand you okay? I'm here to listen. It's okay to blur things out when everything got out of hand." Y/N answered with a soft smile plastered on her face.

Red light was indicated by the traffic light and that got Y/N a chance to reach for Jenna's hand and squeeze it without looking at her.

Jenna smiled, thankful not only for what Y/N did earlier but for what she also said. Because it sometimes irritates her when someone tells her "I know and I understand your situation" because they just don't. Jenna believed that even if we are faced with the exact same thing in our life, it doesn't mean that we get to experience it just the same. This is where Jenna's understanding the life of other people is not as easy or hard as hers, we have different perspective in life and how we view things.

A comfortable silence once again situated in the air not until Jenna hears Y/N humming to the song that is playing that is slowly turning into mumbled lyrics.

"So why can't you for once, disregard the world and run to what you know is real." Y/N sang without a care in her mind and not noticing that Jenna is now staring at her.

"Take a chance with me... take a chance with me." Y?N sang with such desperation that got Jenna thinking "who the hell is she pertaining that to?"

The car suddenly breaks and Y/N looked at Jenna "Well, we arrived at our destination."

That got Jenna sad, since it means no Y/N beside her.

"Thank you again for earlier and driving me home. I can't think of anything to repay your kindness." Jenna said shyly.

"Hey, don't mind it, we are friends, and I will totally help you whenever you need me." Y/N said, which hurt Jenna slight because Y/N just used the word "friend" but that is a good start isn't it?

"Okay let's stop moping and what if you repay me by going to a concert with me this coming weekend?" Y/N hopefully asked Jenna. Asking her in a concert might be to dangerous since there are a lot of people that will notice them, but taking a risk isn't bad thing, right?

Jenna smirked and nodded her head "Sure, absolutely, I would love to join you."

Y/N went out of her side and went to Jenna's side to open her car door "This way m'lady" Y/N said with a curtsy that made Jenna laugh.

"Hmm, a gentle woman who open doors and gives me a curtsy huh." Jenna teased while Y/N answered "Well this probably will never get out of style huh?" with a grin.

"Oh yeah? You doing some old stuff like curtsy get you girls? Is that why you are still driving a stick?" Jenna teased with a laugh and Y/N acted hurt and answered "Why would you say that? I love my car and it makes me feel like I'm racing just like in Fast and the Furious."

They walked to the Ortega's front door and stand in front of each other.

Jenna broke the silence "Thank you again." and her pointer finger silently reached for Y/N's pointer finger, which Y/N decided to give and they intertwined it with each other.

With Y/N's other hand, she swats the flying hair away from Jenna's face and tell her "Again, if it is for you, I'll always be there." and smiles.

"That's fucking cheesy."

Jenna and Y/N heard from their side and saw Aliyah with a teasing face. The both of them didn't noticed that the door opened just a few seconds after they got situated in the front door.

Jenna immediately closed their front door and yelled "WHAT THE HELL ALIYAH."

Y/N just laughed and said "I'm going now, have some rest." and waved going to her car.

Jenna then yelled "Text me when you got home and stay safe!"

Jenna stayed at their front porch playing with her finger that touched Y/N not knowing that Y/N is also doing the same inside of her car.

Y/N smiled at herself and screams inside her car, not because she is stressed but she is filled with happiness that was caused by this girl whom she just dropped off.

Jenna entered their living room and yelled "ALIYAH YOU ARE SO DEAD."

______________________________________________________________

Chap 4

A/N: Thanks for reading. Comments and suggestions are appreciated! Hope you enjoyed the story and you can click this song title to listen to the song Take A Chance With Me by NIKI.

#jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega x reader #NotStrongEnough #fiction #fanfic #jenna ortega imagine #wednesday addams imagine #tara carpenter x reader

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justlemmeadoreyou · 2 months

Text

Hopelessly Devoted to You-Part 2

Summary: Y/n agrees to Harry's offer; a flashback from the camp.

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, a LOT of cute shit in the end (harry with kids :(((( (my weakness))

(previous part here) | (series masterlist) | (main masterlist)

Harry wasn’t this much of a hopeless romantic he is now, over Y/n. Sure, he had had his fair share of heartbreaks in the past, but that didn’t stop him from loving unconditionally.

So, when he found out about Y/n, it made his heart ache. He didn’t know if she wanted her as her lawyer, or just wanted to talk to him about it as a friend

Either way, he was happy to help.

There was a call from his secretary, Anna, when he was going through a document.

“Yes?”

“Mrs. Clark is here to see you” she said through the phone.

“Mrs. Clark? Oh, Y/n? Yeah, send her in”

He would never get used to her carrying the name of her douchebag husband.

She knocked the door softly, even though he had already allowed her to come in.

“Come in”

She unlocked the door, a smile on her face as she let herself in, closing it behind her.

“Hi” she greeted him, coming and sitting on the chair in front of his desk.

“Hi, how have you been?” he asked.

“I’m alright. I-I thought about–the offer you gave me the other day”

“Oh yeah? What did you decide?”

“I’ll–I’ll take it, yeah. I just want this all to be over as soon as possible”

His smile faded away. Did something bad happen? Because if it did, God forbid he would go to her house right now and beat him up.

“Did-did something happen, Y/n? You know you can tell me, right? I’m here for you”

She smiled again, shaking her head in no, “No–nothing bad happened–it’s just–he kind of got suspicious that day–after I went home, he kept asking me where I had gone and what I do”

“Oh–what did you tell him?”

“I told him it was lunch with a friend. He asked me who it was, and I told him it was Grace–she is a friend of mine. He called her and she said that I was with her the whole afternoon, she’s super sweet, and saved me.”

He sighed in relief, thankful that he hadn’t hurt her.

“He’s such a bastard–it’s like he feels that he owns you or something” he huffed.

“I know! That’s why–I want you to be my lawyer”

He grinned wide, a victory for his heart as he shook her hand.

“I’m so happy, Y/n. And I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about the money, alright? You don’t have to pay me at all”

Her eyes widened. Why was he doing this for free? She knew this was going to be a long trial, because he won’t let go that easily. Plus, she would have to fight for Ellie’s custody too.

“But–Mr.Styles–I can’t take it. It’s a super generous offer, but I really can’t.”

Of course she won’t. He’ll just have to make her take it, then.

“Y/n–okay, tell me, how will you pay me, then?”

Her shoulders slumped, mouth quirking in a pout, that he wanted to kiss. But he pushed that thought to the back of his mind, where numerous others were locked in.

“I have my savings–since the abuse started, I started to save money for myself, and Ellie’s education-in case I ever needed to leave him, or he left me for someone else”

If anyone leaves her, her, for someone else, he has to be the biggest moron on the planet.

“Y/n, you know I won’t let you do that. You are leaving Elliot, and you’ll need it after you move out of his house”

“But–but–”

“No but’s. Please. I insist”

She sighed, licking her lips as she reluctantly agreed. She began to think, lost in thought as he began to scribble something on the notepad nearby.

“Oh-what if I get a job till then? Then you’ll let me pay you, right? Because then money would be coming in and savings won’t be an issue–”

“We’ll see about that”

He dismissed. He wasn’t going to let her pay him even a penny.

. . .

“So, you’re a lawyer?”

Y/n asked him.

They were sat by the bonfire. After a long, long day of kids screaming, playing around, crying for their parents, lots of first aid kits because they kept falling off the trampoline–all of them had a moment of rest.

A bonfire was lit, after the kids were put to sleep. Everyone had found someone they could talk to–just like Y/n and Harry found each other.

They were sat side by side on the mat, a cup of tea in their hands as they talked and laughed with no care in the world.

“Yeah. Family lawyer. If you ever need help, you can come to me, I’ll help you–no money in exchange”

She had giggled softly back then, but that offer was her lifeline today.

“Alright. Noted” she smiled, taking a sip off her cup.”

“What about you? Your husband–he works in accounts?”

Her smile slipped away at the mention of him, and Harry took a mental note to not bring him up again. She was hoping he would do that too.

“Yeah, he’s an accountant”

“That’s good.

They fell into silence after that, the sounds in the background only being the sounds of crackling fire and then suddenly, there was a cheer. They looked up to see someone had gotten a guitar, and began to play a song. It was difficult to identify which one it was from just the guitar tune, but Harry knew.

"Horse with No Name," Harry said, a nostalgic smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Y/n's eyes widened in surprise. "You play guitar?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

Harry nodded, a hint of bashfulness in his expression. "Yeah, I used to play quite a bit back in college. It's been a while, though."

Encouraged by his confession, Y/n urged him, "Well, why don't you play something for us now? I'd love to hear."

Harry hesitated for a moment, but the warm glow of the fire and Y/n's encouraging smile emboldened him. With a nod, he took the guitar from the musician and began to strum a gentle melody.

As the soothing notes filled the air, Y/n felt herself relax, the tension of the day melting away. Harry's fingers danced across the strings with practiced ease, and soon, the melody took on a life of its own.

Lost in the music, Y/n closed her eyes and let herself be carried away by the melody. For a brief moment, there was nothing else in the world except the sound of Harry's guitar and the crackling of the fire.

When the song came to an end, there was a moment of silence before applause erupted from the small crowd gathered around the bonfire. Y/n opened her eyes to see Harry smiling at her, a twinkle of satisfaction in his eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered, her heart full with the beauty of the moment.

Harry returned her smile, his own heart lightened by the connection they had shared. "Anytime," he replied, his voice soft with sincerity.

“So, when did you decide to become a lawyer?” she asked, wanting to talk to him more. The camp was only a week, and that was a small amount of time for her to get to know this gentleman who found her interesting.

"Well, ever since I was a child, I've had this innate sense of justice. I couldn't stand seeing people treated unfairly, and I knew I wanted to make a difference." Harry replied.

Y/n nodded, impressed. "That's admirable. Not everyone has the courage to pursue their passions."

She knew she was talking about herself.

Harry smiled gratefully. "Thank you. It hasn't always been easy, but knowing that I can help people in their time of need makes it all worthwhile.”

He noted how she had said “not everyone” and he suspected she was talking about herself.

“And–I don’t mean to intrude, but I think when you said, “not everyone”, you meant yourself?” he asked.

She shrugged her shoulders, gulping down as she replied, “Yeah, I–I wanted to be a teacher. I’ve always loved children, and it was my dream to get a job at a primary school and teach and take care of little children.

Harry smiled. She was so innocent, so pure. But she had seen more than he ever did.

“So, why did you quit?”

Her smile faded away again, “It was mostly me, but I got married young, you know–I fell in love with him in high school, and I was just a young, naive, innocent girl who did not know better”

He nodded, listening intendedly as she talked about it.

“So–I got married, and then pregnant, and all of that faded away. Like, I completed school and my degree–that was when I got pregnant so I never really had a chance to complete my masters degree or look for a job. And then Ellie was a premature baby, so Elliot suggested that I stay at home.”

It was so easy to talk to him. Even though they had met today, the way he was able to get her to talk so much–open up about her past, and talk about stuff she never had with anyone–was magic.

“So, would you work if you got the chance to?” he asked. If she was his wife, he would never have gotten her pregnant if she didn’t want to, and he would’ve made her complete her masters, and get a Phd, even, because she was just that smart.

“I mean–yeah sure, I would. But I would need a masters degree to work in a decent school, and the opportunities are already so low. So, it’s a lost cause”

Harry immediately protested, “Hey, don’t say that. No, it’s not a lost cause. If you want to, you can still get your degree, and then work. You’re young too”

She blushed at that. It had been a while since she had heard that.

. . .

The next morning, Y/n took Ellie to meet Harry.

“Honey, this is Harry–he’s mommy’s new friend”

She introduced him, and he smiled so big, his dimples and bunny teeth were on display.

“Oh god, who is this pretty little girl?” he exclaimed, and she giggled, already looking up at him with adoration.

“Hi Harry, I’m Ellie. But my mom calls me cupcake”

He giggled again, crouching down on his knees, taking her tiny hands in his.

“So, what can I call you, Miss.Cupcake?”

She giggled again, and seeing the way Harry was with kids, made Y/n’s heart swell.

“You can call me cupcake too” she replied, and he reached into his pockets, pulling out a candy, “Here, take this” he gave it to her, and she smiled.

“Next time, I’ll have a cupcake for you”

♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡

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makeyoumine69 · 6 months

Text

Call Me Babydoll 4

PAIRING: DBF!Patrick Bateman x Innocent!Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Anything that seems too good to be true probably isn't. After a dinner with Patrick that didn't go well, you realized that your relationship with him is more complicated than you initially thought.

CONTAINS: Angst, mentions of food, cursing and use of pet names (babydoll), smoking, gaslighting & manipulation, humiliation & mild bulling.

WORDS: 4.1k

A/N: This chapter is a bit long, but I hope you enjoy it!💕

LINKS: [Ch.3]; [SERIES MASTERLIST]; [MASTERLIST]

God, you couldn't imagine a worse situation than this — being stuck in the limo with Patrick Bateman after he discovered your little secret about your virginity. Panicking from the lack of oxygen, you looked down at his deadly grip on your wrist, your brain overloaded with thoughts of a possible escape route.

"Patrick, I should go," you tried to release his grip when you noticed that the car had stopped, but he kept holding you tight. "My Dad is waiting for me!"

"Your father can wait a little longer," he demanded, pulling you a little closer, forcing you to raise your shy eyes to him. "Tomorrow we'll have dinner and talk about...this whole thing."

From the raspy sound of his voice, it was obvious that Bateman was doing his best to save what was left of his self-control, his skin burning yours with its heat.

"And what if I say 'no'?" You snapped at his cheeky way of speaking.

With a soft chuckle, he let go of your wrist and grinned as he saw you rubbing the spot where he was holding you a moment ago. "You don't want to upset your Dad, do you?" When Patrick met your confused gaze, the corners of his lips turned up. "I mean, the last thing you want is for your dear father to find out about all the nasty things you did…with me."

Your nostrils flared with anger, but you tried to play it cool. "What? Are you really trying to blackmail me?"

"No," Bateman grinned at your irritated stare. "Just a little reminder not to try to play games with me. It's pointless anyway."

Uh yeah, sure. We'll see who laughs last.

Saying nothing in return, you looked at him one last time before opening the car door and getting out.

"I'll pick you up at six. Wear something nice...something that hides your tattoos." Patrick ordered through the half-open window, the wide, smug smile never leaving his face.

The urge to turn around and show him your middle finger was so damn high, but as you faced the facade of your house, the memories of your father occupied your mind and stopped you at the very last moment.

"I don't have any of those clothes you're talking about," you simply replied, spinning around and crossing your hands over your chest. "Because I—"

"That's not a problem, babydoll. We can buy you some fabulous dresses or skirts," his brown eyes traveled over your body like a scanner, making you feel completely naked, you even shrugged off the shiver. "By the way, does your father forbid you to wear skirts or dresses because he knows someone would kidnap you? You have such pretty legs."

You closed your eyes and counted to ten to calm yourself. "I love my jeans, and pants are just much more comfortable for me!" Your voice trembled with embarrassment and anger. "If all the girls around you look like sluts in their skimpy dresses, that doesn't mean I have to! Jesus, why am I even trying to justify myself?!"

Your little tantrum only made him chuckle in pure satisfaction. "I have no idea why, but I like it," his arrogant smirk made you sick. After checking his Rolex nonchalantly, Bateman added, "See you tomorrow, (y/n). And tell your father that my old man has approved those investments we talked about a week ago."

Wait, what?

Now it was your turn to try to stop him, but just as the last word fell from his lips, the limo pulled away, leaving you with an unspoken question stuck in your throat like a lump.

The air of your house greeted you with a sharp smell of smoke, signaling that your father was home and not in a good mood — he had taken up smoking since your mother died, and now you knew pretty well that when he was feeling down only a cigarette could bring him some relief.

Walking slowly through the halls of your not-so-luxurious but spacious house, you found your Dad sitting in the living room with a glass of his favorite whiskey and a pack of cigarettes that he twirled nervously in his hand.

"Hey, Dad," you called out quietly, halting in the doorway — the strange pangs of guilty causing your heart to pound painfully against your chest. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I didn't hear you coming," he turned to you, his wrinkled face lighting up the moment he saw your apprehensive expression. "I'm fine...just had a busy day," he put the cigarette in the ashtray and got up from his comfortable armchair. "How did you make it home?"

His sudden question caught you off guard, as your father didn't usually ask such things. Frowning, you stepped into the living room and looked at his tired face — he seemed to have aged even faster in the last few months, when his business had stopped being as profitable as it used to be.

"I'm fine, thanks," you carefully took a seat on the couch next to him, noticing that the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table was half empty. "Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, my dear," your father smiled at you and poured himself another glass of alcohol before sitting back down in his armchair. "What is it?"

"Did you really ask Pat—" you stammered and coughed a little. "I mean, did you really ask Mr. Bateman to pick me up after work?"

Right after you asked, you tried to catch a glimpse of your father's reaction, to notice any strange expressions or anything that might discredit him, but to your surprise, your father just gave you a sympathetic grin, sipping his drink and looking at you adoringly.

"Maybe I did..." he tilted his head thoughtfully. "...or maybe I didn't. Forgive me for my bad memory, it gets worse every day."

Sighing, you couldn't help but smile at his words, as your father was always the one who could warm your heart just by saying a few simple words.

"All right, all right," you paused, rubbing your tense temples. "He asked me to inform you that the investments you discussed some time ago have been approved and..." as you noticed your father's face changing so quickly, you had to pause for a second. "...is it something important?"

Your father took a quick drag on a cigarette, blowing a few rings of smoke to the side to keep them away from you. "Did he really say that?"

"Yes," you fidgeted nervously in your seat, seeing your Dad's reaction. "Yes, he did."

"That's...that's one of the best pieces of news I've had in a long time," your father stood up again, looking for something. "I need to make a call..."

Nodding, you decided that now was not the best time to ask more questions, so you just decided to leave and go to your room, but as soon as you strolled away, you heard your father's enthusiastic voice again:

"(Y/n), wait," he stopped beside you, holding a phone in his slightly shaking hand. "I know I've always been too strict when it comes to you, but I've always tried to give you as much love and care as I could...since your mother..." His words cut right through your heart, and you even had to grit your teeth from the itchy tears that welled up in your eyes.

"Father, please...let's not talk about it." You interrupted him, not wanting to open up your old wounds.

"Uh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you that...Patrick Bateman seems like a good man," you almost lost your sense of orientation in this room at his sudden statement. "I haven't allowed you to hang out with boys much, but you can get to know him better since he's been asking about you a lot."

Fuck, you couldn’t believe it.

First, Bateman had his eyes on you. Then he tried to seduce you, break you and make you forget your morals, and he fucking succeeded, because in the end Patrick managed to get his hands on you, and now his farther suddenly approved the budget for your Dad's business. Was this just a coincidence or another way to manipulate you?

"Well, you tried to protect me from...everything and everyone, I can't judge you..." you murmured as you reached the door. "You always want the best for me, so... I promise I'll think about it."

With that, you closed the door behind you, leaving your father alone in the living room. A wild cocktail of emotions swirled in your chest, as if you had drunk something extremely hot — you wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream. How on Earth did that happen? That your own father was directly encouraging you to get close with Patrick Bateman? Was that someone's bad joke?

As soon as you got to your room, you opened the closet, looking for some "fabulous" dress Patrick wanted you to wear.

"Fucking narcissistic idiot," you cursed aloud as you flipped through your clothes, getting more and more annoyed by the second. "Why do I even care what he thinks about my appearance?"

You exhaled tiredly and hid your face in your hands, feeling the strong shudder in every inch of your fragile frame. This man, damn it, this man was a devil himself, and your father just called him 'a good guy'.

Unbelievable.

"All right, I have to pull myself together." You moved quickly to the mirror, breathing steadily and rubbing your cheeks. "I'll do it for Dad, I'll figure it all out."

Winking at your reflection, you returned to your search for a suitable dress, not realizing that it was getting late.

The next day started with a heavy rain which woke you up with its sound, so loud that you couldn't fall asleep again. So, you decided to get up earlier and write a bit before your work.

Your father was already gone when you got downstairs — the memories of your earlier conversation were still running through your mind, leaving a bitter aftertaste. As you made yourself a cup of coffee with your favorite organic milk, you couldn't stop thinking about what might happen tonight — the unknown made you feel a little nauseous, but the breathing exercises your mother taught you always helped you in such moments. Uh, what would your mom say to you if she were here, if she knew the situation you were in?

Would Patrick be able to enchant her so easily?

The workday went by so quickly that you didn't even realize you were rushing back home in the taxi. During the ride, you tried to distract yourself with your poems, some of which you had written during the break at the café where you had been with Patrick the day before. After many attempts, you noticed that whenever you tried to describe the feelings Patrick evoked in you, it seemed as if your mind was losing touch with reality. The pen he gifted you was burning your skin as if it were some cursed relic, but yet this phantom pain was something you probably missed in your life, it didn't feel like grief or sorrow — it was something completely new.

Even though you were not a huge fan of Manhattan, you couldn't deny the fact that it looked absolutely breathtaking at night, with all its lights, mesmerizing atmosphere, and soaring skyscrapers that made your head spin whenever you looked at them.

There was no doubt that the restaurant Bateman was taking you to would be exquisite and luxurious, so when you entered the establishment, you were not surprised that most people were paying attention to your persona, as you had no jewels, no beaded clutch — just your modest but tight black dress, which was one of your shortest. The maître d' escorted you to your table, and from that moment on, the game began between you and Mr. Bateman, although your conversation didn't flow at first.

"So, do you like this place?" Patrick asked a little indifferently after swirling his drink — J&B Whiskey, that seemed to be his favorite.

"Mmm, yeah, it's pretty good." You replied, avoiding his gaze and staring at the napkin on the table that you were nervously crumpling.

Bateman couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. "Pretty good?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Uh," he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose briefly. "Do you even know what this place is?"

Finally, you left a poor napkin alone and looked up at him. "This is Dorsia, right? I saw a sign outside."

For a moment his face remained blank, but the next moment a deep, prominent line appeared between his knitted brows.

"Yeah, this is fucking Dorsia," he spat out his words and took a sip of his whiskey. "Nothing special."

Actually, his suddenly confronting tone was embarrassing. "Well...I'm not a frequent guest in these chic restaurants. Come on, you know that."

Unfortunately for you, your voice sounded more sad than irritated, and Bateman didn't miss it. His warm palm touched yours gently, but he didn't dare to look at you.

"Huh," he mused, drawing an invisible line across the back of your hand with his soft fingertip. "It's pretty hard to impress a girl like you, since you just don't understand—"

"The taste of luxurious life?" You cut him off, causing him to raise his brown walnut eyes to your face. They looked so mysterious in the dim light of the restaurant hall.

Patrick pulled his hand away as if struck by the electric shock, clenching his jaw in tension, and this sight was something you never thought you would have to witness.

In a few minutes of awkward silence, the waiter brought your food, and since you refused to take any alcohol, you asked him to give you a dessert menu — maybe something sweet would cheer you up and help you get through this strange dinner that was hard to identify as a date or whatever it might be.

"We have amazing cheesecakes, good choice." The waiter replied as you handed the menu back to him.

"Thank you," you made yourself comfortable in your seat and gave Patrick a warm smile, which left him a bit confused. "I need something to compare with the desserts I've had in my favorite café."

Although you hadn't intended it to be a joke, you weren't irritated at all when you heard his soft chuckle for the first time during dinner. "Just don't tell anyone about this," he crossed his arms and looked at you with a mischievous grin. "I don't want the local chefs to end their lives."

"Oh, God," you laughed, looking at his drink. "Why do you all have to drink whiskey? My Dad can't work without a bottle of his favorite drink next to him," as soon as Bateman heard about your Dad, he straightened up in his seat and fixed his Rolex. "Speaking of him...can I ask you a question?"

"You can try, babydoll." Bateman sneered in a mischievous voice and looked around quickly as if he noticed someone familiar.

"I want to know about the investments—"

"Hey, Halberstram!" An unknown male voice echoed from behind you, shamelessly interrupting your conversation. "Haven't seen you for a while, how have you been?"

A handsome man with light brown hair — wearing a stylish suit that was one hundred percent overpriced — came closer to your table and offered Patrick a handshake, which he accepted, but you couldn't help but notice a glint of anger in his hazel eyes.

"Allen," Bateman shook his hand and then quickly glanced at a woman next to him. "I didn't expect to see you here, I heard you were on vacation in Paris."

"Well, Meredith didn't really like it, so we decided to come back a little earlier," Paul replied, pulling a beautiful blonde girl closer to him. "I thought Halloween was over." Allen chuckled and pointed at you, making you palpably uncomfortable. "Nice manicure, so gothic."

Frowning, you checked your black manicured nails and then looked up at him, suppressing your inner battle to tell him to fuck off. "Thanks." You replied coldly and noticed Patrick clenching his fists in tension.

"And where's Veronica, Marcus? That big-titted chick you were hanging out with at the last yacht party?" Allen asked, continuing to stare at you with undisguised interest.

What the hell was going on? Why did he call him Marcus?

"Veronica?" Bateman interjected, pretending to try to remember. "She's probably with her family in South Hampton."

"Oh, and who is this punk girl?" Paul's question made your nails claw at the soft skin of your knee.

Patrick closed his eyes for a second, definitely trying to find the best answer. It was obvious that a man like him didn't want to ruin his reputation, since you were not a person from his circle. This seemed to be a dead end until an unexpected idea came to your mind.

"I'm a journalist," you explained in a confident voice. "And I'm interviewing...Mr. Halberstram because I'm writing a book about Wall Street."

"Wow," Paul seemed to be surprised. "That's...pretty impressive."

"Yeah," Bateman cleared his throat and unclenched his fists. "She's one of the best journalists in New York, and she wants to write a book, too."

Oh my God, please shut up!

"It's pretty impressive that you were allowed to come here," Meredith suddenly blurted out, giving you a disgusted look. "There's a dress code, you know?"

"I'll leave you for a while, since you have things to discuss." You fumed and got up from the table — Patrick didn't even try to stop you.

In a few minutes, you found your way to the outdoor terrace on the upper level. As you stepped in, you noticed another blonde woman — she looked gorgeous, with her elegant, red-manicured fingers wrapped around the burning cigarette.

"Um, excuse me," you approached her from behind. "Could you pass me a cigarette, please?"

As soon as she turned around, you could see her sad blue eyes, cold as ice. "Sure."

Carefully, she reached into her black clutch to find a pack of cigarettes and offered you one.

"Thank you." You smiled after she lit your cigarette.

"No problem," she grinned back, looking away to see the lights of New York city. "It's so beautiful here, isn't it? I wish he could be with me right now."

Her question left you speechless, because you didn't know how to react, but just as you were about to say something, you heard the door open and the unknown man with the red hair joined you on the terrace.

"Courtney, you're here. I was looking for you," he chirped with an affectionate intonation. "The cocktails are ready."

Unlike the guy, the woman — that apparently was named Courtney — didn't seem happy, you would even say she was getting sadder — her previous words puzzled you, because now it was obvious she was talking about someone else.

With the last puff of smoke, Courtney took a quick glance at the night city and turned to you. "Take care."

Even a few moments after they left, you could still feel the wisp of sharp sadness in the air. Shivering with cold, you came closer to the railing, looked down and smoked, the signals of passing cars distracting you a bit from your train of thought — that fucking snobbish bitch and her supposed boyfriend pissed you off completely and you didn't really want to come back. Her behavior reminded you of why you hated yuppies, Wall Street, money, luxury. You hated it all, while your father tried his best to give you such a life so you could turn into a heartless ghost with no emotions except greed and...disgust?

A sudden touch of soft, warm fabric made you almost flinch. "Are you trying to catch a cold?" A familiar voice asked, and a jacket was wrapped around your trembling shoulders.

No way that could be him. "Patrick?"

The next moment, the owner of the familiar voice — which was indeed Patrick — deftly snatched the cigarette out of your mouth, eliciting an irritated groan from your chest. "You don't need this, believe me."

As you turned around, you watched him puff on your cigarette, but when he blew out a few rings, his face cringed in disgust. "Jesus, this is some girlish shit." Patrick ranted and quickly put out the cigarette.

"What are you doing here?" You crossed your arms in a defensive gesture and stepped away from him.

Patrick chuckled softly, your eyes accidentally glancing around his broad chest and the fashionable suspenders that looked so good on him.

"You could have just told me that you wanted to suffer alone on the terrace like a crybaby. Then I wouldn't have had to look for you all over the fucking restaurant." His voice became slightly stern as a sign of the high level of irritation — his patience seemed about to snap.

"I didn't ask you to come after me," you retorted, but didn't take off his jacket because it was so warm and nice. "Besides, what the hell was that? Why did that guy call you Marcus? Is that your real name? God, maybe you're a fucking scammer trying to deceive my father?"

His loud laugh echoed in the fresh air, Bateman couldn't help but applaud because your theory was fantastic. "That...that was hilarious, babydoll," he theatrically wiped away a few tears and came closer. "We stopped at your question about your father, as I recall."

"You know what?" you suddenly charged at him, almost bumping into his solid torso. "You should have hired several hookers instead of taking me to this useless dinner. At least it would have been a lot cheaper!"

"What?" He asked, still giggling as if you had told him another joke.

"My father has been waiting almost a year for some extra funding," you started, shortening the distance between you to a mere inches. "And just like in fairy tales, the necessary investments were approved as soon as you got your hands on me. What a great coincidence, don't you think?"

Patrick hummed to himself, hiding his hands in the pockets of his pants. "Go on."

"You won't get it," your voice wavered, as if your nature refused to utter the words. "I know that rich guys like you can buy anything and everything — houses, cars, yachts, corporations, girls..." the more you spoke, the darker Bateman's eyes became. "Girls of all body types, ages, virgins or not, and so on. But for me — money is nothing, and I won't do it even for my father".

"You're done?" Patrick asked, pressing a finger to his lips and looking at you with an unreadable expression. When you nodded, he took you by the chin and tilted your head to the side, his thumb brushing against your lower lip as if by accident. "Now, listen to me, babydoll. I invited you to dinner because I wanted to apologize...for the things that happened between us..." your heart skipped a beat at his last words and your legs went weak, but you stood still, looking straight into his dark hypnotizing eyes. "I must say, you're a really cute, sweet girl, pretty even," he smirked as you shivered from his finger sliding down your neck. "But I don't want to be a babysitter."

"W-what?" You gasped, your voice barely audible as your breath hitched from the hard lump in your throat.

"(Y/n), listen, your father's business can be profitable enough, that's the only reason my Dad and I decided to finance it," Bateman removed his hand and stepped aside. "The long wait was caused by bureaucratic processes and my old man being away on business all the time."

There were no words to explain the feelings you were experiencing — frustration, deception, embarrassment?

"I…I understand," you bit your lower lip to keep the tears from forming in your dejected eyes. "Thank you for telling me the truth."

Just as you were about to take off his jacket, Patrick stopped you and after a small hug, he added: "Unfortunately, I don't like messing around with little girls because I'm pretty demanding when it comes to sex.” His arrogant grin was about to become the last straw of your self-control, but you kept fighting. "Let's go back to our table, your dessert must be waiting for you."

With a quick flick of your hand, you wiped away any traces of your tears when he didn't look at you. "I'm not hungry. Go, I'll join you soon."

Bateman gave you a worried look, then glanced at the railing and shook his head. "No, we'll come together, I'm responsible for you tonight and I don't want your father to be nervous."

How fucking cute.

P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my side blog @makeyoumineagain and turn on notifications to know when I update!

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iguessthisisanewobsession · 1 year

Text

It takes a mob part 3

Part one

previously

“This place is a dump Bill.”

“Hey! Excuse me if I wasn’t expecting company!”

Bill grimaced as he pushed a couple takeout boxes of the kitchen island. Renting alone was difficult enough; maybe he hasn’t swept or scrubbed in a while. He’s been busy, sue him!

The kid didn’t seem to mind, he was too busy chewing on a rabbit ear to complain.

Ken grimaced as he bounced the squirt,

“Forget company Bill, you got an entire war in your kitchen.”

“It you’re going to complain so much about it then lend a hand?”

“Oh no man, you forget. I’m holding Danny, this is an important job! Can’t have him crawling around here and picking up diseases. This is much more important than being your busboy.”

Bill raised a brow, watching as Marv snuck up behind Ken and scooping up the kid with a chuckle.

“Oh yeah? Looks like you’ve been relieved. Hop to it bus boy.”

“Marv!!”

“Didn’t want Danny to pick up your garbage attitude.”

Bill held back a groan as the two dumbasses started a game of keep away with the boy.

He was tired. What was supposed to be a quick beer on a night off has turned into a four am game of house.

The chaos paused when a whimper broke into the air.

“Look what you did Marv!”

“Me!? Ken you didn’t have to-“

The kid was fully bawling his eyes out and the two jackasses where too wrapped in their pissing match to notice.

Grabbing the boy from the two of them, Bill leveled the with a glare as he gently bounced the kid on his hip.

“He ain’t a toy you bozos! Be glad you didn’t drop him and crack his head open!”

Not breaking his glare Bill made his way to his couch and lowered himself to the cousins with a weary sigh,

“I’m cashing in the IOU’s. You two idiots get to clean the apartment.”

Bill raised his unoccupied hand at Ken’s sputtering,

“I’m not fucking finished numb nuts. You two are goin’ to clean and think about what you did. The tyke is barely old enough to raise his head! I don’t care if he’s a meta or not. The only reason he’s here and not at the Wayne foundation is because it’s safer with us than in the goddam system! The second that changes I’m not afraid to pack him up and take him there myself. Am I clear?”

Ken let out an annoyed “yes sir.”

Marv for his part looked properly chastised.

“Alright, now get.”

Letting out another sigh, Bill turned his attention to Danny.

“Let it out kid, just let it out.”

With a little bounce Bill brought his feet up and tried to get himself comfortable leaning against the arm rest.

‘The kid has a set of healthy lungs at least...’

“I’m really sorry you got to deal with a couple lugs like us. If it makes you feel any better, Kenny’s 19 and Marv has only handled older youngin’s before. There’s a learning curve.”

Bringing the squirming tot to his chest Bill began to run his palm up and down his back, mildly marveling at how much he could cover in one small swipe.

“Truth is, I’m probably no better. At least those two have excuses. If I fuck up don’t hold back on old Billy alright? Lord knows I can get my head up my ass at times.”

Danny let out a little hiccup as his crying petered out. Glancing down, Bill switched to rubbing a small circle with his thumb as the baby’s eyes began to droop.

‘Huh.. I thought his eyes were blue?’

Bill gave a mental shrug. It probably had something to do with his meta-abilities. God forbid if he drew the line in the sand over an eye color change.

The kid was fighting to stay awake; it was kind of adorable watching him try to keep his eyes open.

That being said a sleeping baby was easier to deal with than awake one.

‘Ok, think Bill, think. What would old man do?’

Glancing around, he made a face.

‘They won’t hear me over their own swearing...’

Clearing his throat, Bill hummed as he tried to recall some old words.

“Go to sleep you littl’ baby.. Go to sleep you littl’ baby. Your mama’s gone away and your daddy’s goin’ to stay.. Didn’t leave nobody but the baby..”

Bill kept humming as he tried to recall the next verse.

He hadn’t heard the song since he was a tyke himself, sue him.

He could almost feel the moment when the little man lost the war with sleep.

“Honey on a rock and sugar don’t stop.. gotta bring a bottle to the baby..”

Bill was pretty sure he got that lyric wrong, what Danzo didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

Bill kept humming as he listened to the sound of Gotham outside. The early bird would be just starting their commute by now.

Actually, why weren’t the numbskulls making any noise? If they think he was going to accept any half ass cleaning for two favors than they had quite a bitching to look forward to.

‘Not right now.’ Bill felt his humming slow down, ‘can’t risk waking the kid,’

He was aware he was joining Danny in Dreamland at this point; the fact of the matter is he been up for almost 24 hours and is supposed to go in tonight anyways.

He deserved some sleep after all this shit.

Gently laying his arm over Danny, he let his body relax as the first rays of dawn entered the apartment.

Hoodlums:

@reinluna,@confused-moose-child,@mimilikey,@emeraudesfateandfandoms, @dolfay, @boredomfarie, @aconitewolfsbane, @withoutcontxt, @onyxlightdragon, @satanicrutialspecialist, @phoenixdemonqueen, @vixen-uchiha, @skulld3mort-1fan, @bytheoldwillowtree, @illusionwolfwriter24r8, @thewondersoflebanon, @vipower001, @autumnwulf, @alice-hazelwood, @fisticuffsatapplebees, @f4nd0m-fun, @markus209, @latheevening226 @255940g, @dolfay, @basilf1res, @jotaroslooseeyebrowhair, @skirter01, @magnificence12, @bun-fish, @ascetic-orange @thegatorsgoose @sunflowershine03 @ladythugs @firegirl108 @glitchedchaos @rangerhorsetug, @freakofyournature, @mimilikey, @crazycatgirl420

#Marv and Ken were in fact peeping through the kitchen doorway #Marv was recording the moment and Ken trying not to laugh #dp x dc #writing prompt #dc x dp #danny phantom #danny fenton #goonion bill #ken #marv #Jason having his nails done: seriously one call wouldn’t hurt right #Damian: working hard on a cuticle: smudge my work and it’s your wrist Todd #it takes a mob

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kckt88 · 4 months

Text

Take My Breath Away VII

Summary:

Vaeryna travels to the Vale and has a surprise reunion.

Warning(s): Angst, Lactation Kink, Oral Sex - M Receiving.

Word Count: 3000

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

GREENS WIN - ENEMIES TO LOVERS.

Tag List - @a-beaverhausen, @ammo23, @immyowndefender, @watercolorskyy, @toodlesxcuddles

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.

Some dialogue/scenes from Dynasty have been reused.

“I still can’t believe he’s ours” exclaimed Vaeryna as she gazed at her son.

“D-Do you think I’ll be a good father?” asked Aemond quietly.

“Of course, I do. You read to him, soothe him when he cries. You wake in the night to help me when he needs feeding, and you even help change his soiled cloths. Most things a lot of fathers don’t even try” said Vaeryna.

“I just want him to know that I love him and that no matter what I will always be there for him”.

“Rhaegar will always know of your love” said Vaeryna.

“As will you, Issa jorrāelagon” whispered Aemond (My love).

“I want to thank you” said Vaeryna.

“For what?”

“I heard what Munkun said-about the procedure” whispered Vaeryna.

“I would never let anyone do that too you” exclaimed Aemond as he took hold of Vaeryna’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“-And that’s how you’re a better than your father” replied Vaeryna.

“A raven arrived for you from Lady Jeyne Arryn” said Aemond as he handed Vaeryna a folded piece of parchment.

“Been reading my mail, have you?” asked Vaeryna as she snatched the letter away from Aemond.

“I didn’t. Larys Strong did, he checks all incoming ravens, this you know” said Aemond.

Of course, that was true, it wasn’t the first time she’d received a letter from Jeyne that had already been opened.

“She wishes to meet Rhaegar” said Vaeryna.

“Is that wise?” asked Aemond.

“I spent many moons with Lady Jeyne, I consider her my dearest friend, why shouldn’t she meet our son” replied Vaeryna.

“She’s not exactly been receptive to the King”.

“-And you think by extension, she will take an instant dislike to our son and what-try to harm him in some way? Get a grip Aemond” snapped Vaeryna.

“I will not be scolded like a child for simply being cautious” replied Aemond as he gently ran his fingers through Rhaegar’s silver hair.

“Well, it’s irrelevant, because I intend to accept her invitation”.

“-And if I forbid it” retorted Aemond.

“I’ll still go anyway. Rhaegar is heir to the Iron Throne, surely it makes sense that he’s introduced to the ruling Lords and Ladies of the Seven Kingdoms”.

“Well Lady Arryn can come to Kings Landing, just like everyone else and bend the knee to the King and his chosen heir” replied Aemond.

“Am I a prisoner here?”

“What! No. Why would you say that?” gasped Aemond.

“Because you seemed determined not to let me leave the Red Keep” said Vaeryna.

“Does this invite extend to myself?”

“Gods no. Lady Jeyne would sooner eat glass than invite you to the Vale” said Vaeryna.

“Exactly my point”.

“Look. I don’t care what you say. I’m going and I will be taking our son” said Vaeryna as she lifted Rhaegar into her arms and sat on the bed.

He instantly started fussing so Vaeryna untied her shift and held the hungry babe to her breast.

“I am your husband; you should listen to me” argued Aemond.

“Yes, and I am your wife, not a possession for you to command or own. Lady Jeyne was a great comfort to me during my time in the Vale and it would be nice to see her. I wouldn’t be gone long, a week at the most” said Vaeryna.

Aemond closed his eye and sighed, he could feel his resolve crumbling, how could he even think to argue with his sweet wife, when she had her breasts out.

“You would take the Cannibal with you?”

“Of course,” replied Vaeryna.

“Only for a week and no longer” urged Aemond.

“I swear it” said Vaeryna smiling.

“Fine, but if I get so much as a whisper that there’s trouble, I will mount Vhagar and burn the fucking entirety of the Vale to the ground” replied Aemond sternly.

“I completely understand. Don’t worry husband. We’ll be back before you even realise, we’ve gone” said Vaeryna brightly.

“Hm” muttered Aemond, internally cursing himself for his weakness towards his wife’s bare milk swollen breasts.

“Seen as I am leaving you for a week, how about I treat you” said Vaeryna as she finished feeding Rhaegar and placed him in his cradle.

“T-Treat me?” gasped Aemond, his breeches becoming uncomfortably tight.

“Well, I see the way you gaze at me as I feed our son, so I’m assuming you would like a taste of my mother’s milk” replied Vaeryna as she laid on the bed.

Suddenly Aemond became very flustered, his cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“I am not yet ready to resume all our martial activities, but I’m sure if you taste me, then I shall taste you in return, Issa prūmia” exclaimed Vaeryna (My heart).

Aemond then descended on Vaeryna’s soft lips, kissing her, his hands gently caressing his wife’s milk swollen breasts.

Aemond released Vaeryna’s mouth and bent down to lick her nipples, he couldn’t contain his excitement as he went back and forth between his wife’s wonderful, enlarged breasts that nourished their son.

“Oh” muttered Vaeryna as she flung her arms over her face, as pearly white liquid began to leak from her breasts, running down her body in rivulets.

Aemond ran his tongue over the milk that had dripped from his wife’s rosy nipples and delighted in the sweetened taste.

“Hm” moaned Aemond as he continued to lick and suck his wife’s breasts.

“A-Aemond” gasped Vaeryna.

“What is it my love”.

“L-Let me taste you. Please” begged Vaeryna.

Aemond propped himself against a hastily assembled pile of pillows and quickly pulled down his breeches and small clothes.

His hard cock slapping against his abdomen.

Aemond stared down at his naughty little wife, his mouth hanging open as Vaeryna lightly ran her fingers over him.

Next thing he knew, Vaeryna’s warm, wet mouth was wrapped around the head of his cock.

Vaeryna’s tongue ran around the tip – tracing the ridges and licking off that drops of pre-cum that had started to leak out.

“Fuck, Vaeryna!” groaned Aemond as he threaded his fingers through his wife’s silver hair.

Vaeryna ran the flat of her tongue along Aemond’s length, tracing every hard inch of him.

Aemond’s heart almost stopped when she sucked his stones into her mouth, one at a time.

Her hand moving slowly over the hard length of him.

When Vaeryna engulfed Aemond’s cock in her mouth, he squeezed his eyes shut.

Vaeryna was driving him crazy.

Aemond forced himself to open his eyes, he had to watch his precious wife sucking his cock.

“Your taking me so well. Such a good girl” moaned Aemond.

Aemond knew it would push him too far to control, but he did not care. He just had to watch his cock disappear into Vaeryna’s mouth and see it come back out, shining with her spit.

Her head moving back and forth, her pink lips stretched around him. Oh, it was heaven.

“I’m not going to last” Aemond admitted, though it pained him to do so.

Vaeryna smiled slightly and began moving faster, also using one of her hands in rhythm with her mouth.

“It feels so good” groaned Aemond.

Vaeryna responded to his statement by relaxing the back of her throat, and swallowing as much of her husband’s cock as she could, whilst her other hand cupped his stones.

“Shit Vaeryna! I’m going to come. Oh, fuck, I’m coming!” shouted Aemond as he exploded.

His sweet wife took every last drop, swallowing his seed and licking him clean.

When he recovered, Aemond saw Vaeryna’s self-satisfied smile.

“Was that to your liking husband?” asked Vaeryna.

“Y-Yes” gasped Aemond.

Although it was easy enough to potentially convince Aemond to allow her to take Rhaegar to the Vale, it had been harder to convince the King and some of his council.

Whilst most of them were against it, there were some that supported it. As they saw it as a way to improve the relationship between the Vale and Kings Landing.

As Lady Jeyne had been an avid supporter of Rhaenyra during the war, they didn’t want to cause a stir by refusing her invitation.

So, after a couple of days deliberation, Vaeryna was permitted to take Rhaegar to the Vale for a week.

Vaeryna could barely contain her excitement as she headed towards Cannibal with Rhaegar strapped to her chest.

Her son was currently fast asleep, nestled inside the soft fluffy fabric of the wrap.

Aemond who had followed her, had been in quite a sour mood all morning. She guessed it was because he was going to miss her and Rhaegar but there was also part of her that knew he had hoped that either the King or the council would refuse her request and when they didn’t, he descended into an epic sulk.

“Do cheer up husband, I’ll back within the week” said Vaeryna cheerfully.

“That is still a week without my wife or my son” snarked Aemond, his arms folded behind his back.

“We’ll be back before you know it” muttered Vaeryna as she placed a gentle kiss on Aemond’s scared cheek.

“Hm” muttered Aemond.

Vaeryna seemed to be waiting for Aemond to kiss her in return, but he turned his head away from her.

“You know what-fine, if your going to act like a spoilt child, then so be it” snapped Vaeryna her eyes welling up with tears.

“Vaeryna” exclaimed Aemond.

“No. I hope you snap out of whatever mood you’re in, otherwise I won’t bother coming back” retorted Vaeryna as she turned on her heel and walked closer to the Cannibal.

“Vaeryna” called Aemond as he tried to follow, but the Cannibal reared up in defence of his rider.

“Easy my sweet” cooed Vaeryna as she ran a gloved hand over his maw.

“Let’s not leave things like this” urged Aemond.

“You’ve only got yourself to blame” replied Vaeryna as Cannibal lowered his shoulder and allowed Vaeryna to climb onto his back, she made sure she was properly seated, and that Rhaegar was secured, before she took hold of her dragon’s spikes.

“Please, Vaeryna-“

“-Sōvegon” shouted Vaeryna and Cannibal opened his large wings and hurtled into the sky, and for a dragon of his size, he was remarkably fast.

Aemond could only watch, as his wife and son disappeared into the clouds on the back of her dragon.

It had been a few weeks since Vaeryna had flown with Cannibal and to be amongst the clouds again felt glorious.

Suddenly Vaeryna heard a huge roar behind her, and immediately her heart sank, thinking that Aemond had followed her on Vhagar.

But it wasn’t Vhagar that emerged from the clouds, it was Dreamfyre. The pale blue and silver dragon glided effortlessly next to Cannibal who chirped happily.

Vaeryna heard Rhaegar let out a small, contended coo and she smiled. Guess they had some extra company.

“She seems awfully comfortable flying along side you my sweet” said Vaeryna loudly.

No other dragon aside from Caraxes or Vhagar had the courage to fly alongside Cannibal, his reputation alone was enough to frighten the younger and much smaller dragons.

Cannibal gave a pleased trill as he flew closer to Dreamfyre, their wings almost touching.

“Is that who’s been keeping you company these last few weeks?” teased Vaeryna as Cannibal huffed loudly.

Vaeryna giggled softly and gave her dragon a firm pat on his back. He purred back in response.

Most feared dragon in all of the seven kingdoms, purring like a content cat, it made Vaeryna smile.

Due to Cannibal’s sheer size, it took now more than a few hours for Vaeryna to reach the Vale, which was a good thing as Rhaegar had started to get fussy, he was hungry.

So, after circling the castle a couple of times, no doubt Lady Jeyne would recognise Cannibal, so he wouldn’t be faced with any issues upon landing.

Cannibal and Dreamfyre landed with a ground shaking thud, and Vaeryna paused for a moment to make sure there were no problems.

Four guards emerged and bowed respectfully, no doubt here as escorts.

Vaeryna gently manoeuvred herself off Cannibal and made sure to inform him that he was too behave whilst he was here.

“No stealing the local donkeys” muttered Vaeryna as Cannibal bristled with annoyance, but appeared to accept what he was told albeit begrudgingly.

“Welcome back to the Vale, Princess”.

“Thank you, Ser it’s good to be back” replied Vaeryna.

“Right this way Princess, Lady Jeyne is anxious to see you”.

Vaeryna nodded and followed the guards inside the castle, not much had changed since she was last here, and it gave Vaeryna a sense of familiarity, almost like coming home in a way.

“Princess, it is good to see you” exclaimed Jeyne as she enveloped Vaeryna into a hug.

“Lady Jeyne” gasped Vaeryna.

Suddenly Rhaegar let out a high-pitched squeal.

“For someone so small, he’s very loud,” laughed Jeyne.

“Apologise, my Lady, but he’s hungry” muttered Vaeryna.

“Please take a seat” offered Jeyne.

Vaeryna nodded great fully and sat down, Rhaegar immediately rooting against her chest.

“Easy there. Issa byka zaldrīzes” whispered Vaeryna as she uncovered herself and allowed Rhaegar to latch on (My little dragon).

“I must say I’m surprised that you were allowed to come here” said Jeyne firmly.

“You know me, even if I wasn’t, I’d still make the journey” replied Vaeryna.

“I was worried for you, so many nights I laid awake in my chambers, praying you were ok and when word reached me that you’d had a child, I feared that-“

“-Admittedly the first time wasn’t so pleasant, but afterward I was a willing participant in the marriage bed” replied Vaeryna.

“Too think of you laying with that one eyed kinslayer, it made my skin crawl for such a long time,” said Jeyne.

“I made a promise remember” muttered Vaeryna.

“Yes, you did, and if I had more sense about me, I would have stopped you from going to Kings Landing in the first place”.

“I have accepted my position, things with Aemond aren’t so bad” said Vaeryna.

“You sound like you care for him?”

“I have his child, how can I not” muttered Vaeryna.

“I suppose” muttered Jeyne.

“Have you heard from Cregan, how is-“

“The boy is fine” replied Jeyne quietly.

“That’s good” mumbled Vaeryna sadly.

“Who does the other dragon belong too?” asked Jeyne as she looked out the window.

“Rhaegar, I guess” replied Vaeryna.

“Targaryen’s and their dragons” said Jeyne.

“It was bound to happen sooner or later”.

“Not as soon as this though, the boy is barely three moons old” said Jeyne smiling.

“The youngest Targaryen in our history to ever claim a full-grown dragon, no doubt his father will be impressed” replied Vaeryna.

At the mention of Aemond, Jeyne’s smiled disappeared and was replaced with a look of disdain. She didn’t like Aemond and of course she had good reason too, but he wasn’t all bad.

But Vaeryna didn’t think Jeyne would appreciate knowing the details of his prowess in bed, or that he was a generous lover.

“Might I be excused my Lady; I’ve had a long journey and Rhaegar needs his cloth changing”.

“Of course, and less of the lady-it’s Jeyne too you and I’ve had your old chambers prepared, everything you couldn’t take with you is still there” replied Jeyne.

Vaeryna smiled and bowed respectfully to Jeyne who waved her off with a deep sigh.

After Rhaegar had been changed and placed in the cradle, Vaeryna took a moment to think about her life and how things had changed since she was last here.

Her inner disgust at the thought of being anywhere near Aemond and how she came to care for him and eventually feel love.

In the back of her mind, she still thought about Jace, and the rest of her family. Would they be ashamed of her for loving Aemond or would they understand.

Her father had once told her to do what ever she had to in order to survive. To seize her opportunities and use them to her advantage.

As Vaeryna laid on the bed, she thought of Aemond and wondered if he’d stopped sulking yet, which in hindsight was unlikely. He probably wouldn’t stop sulking like a spoilt child until she returned to the Red Keep with Rhaegar.

In retrospect, Aemond was a second son and he never really had anything for himself except for Vhagar and even then, he lost his eye for it but when it came to her and Rhaegar, they were his, in every way possible.

Vaeryna didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but she awoke to the sounds of someone knocking on her door.

“Just a second” said Vaeryna as she checked to see if Rhaegar was still asleep, which he was, still clutching as his stuffed dragon teddy that Aemond had given him.

Vaeryna moved to open the door and gasped. Standing there in his heavy fur lined cloak was Cregan, his cheeks-tinged pink and his dark hair wild and unkempt.

“Princess” exclaimed Cregan as she swept Vaeryna into a tight hug.

“W-What are you doing here?” asked Vaeryna as she buried her face into Cregan’s shoulder, the fur of his cloak tickling her nose.

“When Jeyne told me you were coming here to visit, I just had to come” replied Cregan.

“H-How is he?” asked Vaeryna.

“See for yourself” said Cregan stepping aside to reveal the small boy leaning against the wall.

“SISTER!”

“Aegon” gasped Vaeryna as she swept her little brother into a tight hug.

#house of the dragon #aemond targaryen #hotd aemond #aemond x oc #hotd fanfic #aemond fanfiction #aemond fic #aemond x original female character #hotd fic #aemond #aemond one eye #aemond smut #house of the dragon aemond #hotd smut

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maxislvt · 1 year

Note

i would like to discuss the washing r’s mouth out with soap idea because DAMN. plz wanda wash my mouth out with soap and then sit on my face so all i taste is you

warnings: toxic behavior, possessive behavior, mommy kink, pet play if you squint, Stockholm Syndrome

toxic Wanda headcanons because I'm on my period and I get to spoil myself!!

You have no idea what you're getting into when you first meet her. Wanda seems so nice and gentle when you first start talking, that you ignore the tiny red flags that may pop up when you two first become friends. For a moment, you're convinced that Wanda was entirely oblivious to your feelings at first. It's hard talking to her, so you opt to make her jealous instead.

It works a lot better than you intended and Wanda is pissed. Like, drag you to another room and spend an hour giving you hickies pissed. You stupidly take this as the sign of a new relationship, but Wanda refuses to make anything official for some weeks. She goes on "dates" with other people and won't show any affection towards you.

Eventually, she makes the demand that you two won't become official until you've "cleansed yourself". You agree without even thinking about it but immediately regret when she makes you kneel on the bathroom floor and open your mouth so she can brush your teeth with soap. Wanda makes you gargle it like seven times before she's done and then she spits in your mouth. She makes up for it by giving you a bath, but she gets you dirty again because she face fucks you to finalize the process.

After that, you two have a constant on again/off again relationship. Wanda constantly blames you for it though. In her mind, the rules she makes are completely reasonable and you're just being difficult when you refuse to follow them. It's always you who comes crying back to her because you'd rather die than live without her.

It's on, then off, then on again only a few more times. After putting up with her god awful behavior enough times, you end up leaving for goods. You don't even bother telling her you've moved out. One day she comes home and it's half empty. You're lucky you don't get to see her flip her lid. She nearly destroyed the whole apartment that day.

Not that it truly matters. Wanda spends weeks stalking you. What she finds genuinely makes her sick. You're independent. Living on your own and you seem happy. Wanda doesn't know what to do with herself. You need her and she's going to remind you whether you like it or not.

Her plan is simple. Wanda shows up once you come back from work and acts like nothing happened. She pushes right into your house and suddenly it's all "oh babe, you look so tired. why don't I make you dinner today? I'm sure you forgot to eat. you're too scared to force her out and she ignores you every time you tell her to leave. Denying her doesn't work either because she's crank everything up to 11. she'll be all over talking about how much she missed you and won't ever treat you like that again.

It doesn't matter if you're not convinced because she planned on fucking you dumb and convincing you to stay with her anyway. The second she gets between your legs it's all "see, your little pussy missed my cock so much! i bet it's extra said because you tried replacing mommy with some loser who can't even fuck you half as good as I can"

You're lucky if she lets you see your friends after that. If you ever leave the house she'll put a tracker in your bag somewhere.She totally plays hero with it if you ever lose your wallet or keys because she'll just magically know where everything is

God forbid she has even the slightest physical advantage over you because she lives off of intimidating you. It's even worse because you'll grow to love it. She can toss and turn you anyway she wants and you'd be completely hopeless against her

Gaslighting 24/7. "You're hanging out with your friends more than me, why don't you just stay home tonight? You know all your friends hate me. Just stay, please?"

Oh, you fully get downgraded from partner to pet. Wanda slowly takes away your right to care for yourself. Everything from cooking to showering has to be done by her or at least with her permission. You'll be completely naked around the house and it becomes a "privilege" to sleep in the same bed as her.

Wanda loves forcing you to get body modifications too. It's just a small tattoo that says "Property of Wanda Maximoff" on your wrist. Maybe she'll force you to get matching piercings sometimes too. Anything that shows that she literally fucking owns you

Obsessed with making you cum. Like the only way you can ever get through to her is by denying her sex. Wanda has this weird thing where she can't ever force herself on to you. If you say no or can't get wet enough, she'll do absolutely anything if it means getting you to relax and go into subspace. "Please baby. Show mommy she's doing a good job and cum for me. Please? I promise I'll play nice if you do, just cum for me again."

You make the mistake of using it to get some autonomy back, but it bites you in the ass mega hard. Clothes overstimulate you now, your food doesn't taste nearly as good as Wanda's does, and you miss being on your knees for her. Of course, she rubs it in whenever you go back on the freedoms you gave yourself, but she's happy you've learned your lesson.

#panther speaks #pvntherz #wanda maximoff #toxic!wanda #panthers headcanons #wanda headcanons #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #anon

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bae04xx · 7 months

Note

Heyyy I just saw it post and like I couldn't resist sending in an ask (or request if you will)!! If you want to could you write a bill cipher (yes ik💀) x reader where he and the reader are dating but get into an argument and he just says/does sum really mean stuff?? Fluff ending tho please I can't take only angst lmao, for the reader i would pref a Fem reader but gn is fine to!! Also for bill could he be in his triangle form?? (I'm so sorry if this is a long ask💀💀) but yeah that's it!!

One last thing if you don't mind could I be the 😻 anon so like if I send a ask/message I will add that and yk its me!!

-😻

hey ofc, sorry don’t check my tumblr that often! i would love to :)

thanks 😻 anon :)

bill cipher x fem! reader

angst and fluff 🖤☁️

i grabbed my bags out of my car boot, harshly gripping them between my fingers, which the knuckles of began to loose their colour from the chill in the air. after shutting the car doors and locking it up i begin storming down the pebbled drive towards my little cottage of a home. i sigh as i drop my bags and twist the key into the lock. i walk into the warmth of my house- silence greets me. after a full day at work, a very busy day might i add, then running about 5 errands i expect my home to be as i left it, cleaned to perfection. my eyes squint at the crumbs left all over hallway’s floor, i walk through them and set my bags onto the kitchen’s table- only to see condiments and dirty dishes scattered on the counters.

i quickly put my food shopping away, then hastily clean the house top to bottom, from hoovering to polishing to mopping to cleaning all of his dirty clothes because god forbid he contribute anything to this house and take any weight off my already drowning shoulders. i bury my face into my hands and curl up on my sofa, after sitting like this for a few minutes i decide to sit up and distract myself, flipping through a few tv channels to find a decent one.

i wonder why i’m even here, i was only meant to be in gravity falls temporarily, after my mother decided i was too much for her, she shipped me off to live with my aunt for the summer- aunty suz, or as the locals called her, lazy suzan. she ran a diner, which i helped out with as my keep, and there i met the twins. i felt like mable understood me, she really helped me deal with my mental health and overcome it all. she was my bestfriend- until i fell for him. i made the stupid mistake of choosing bill cipher, a living breathing demon, over my bestfriend. and now i’m stuck in this hell hole- gravity falls.

“loving boyfriend my ass..” i mumbled, throwing the tv remote to the ground in frustration.

“what about me were you saying, peach?” he smirks, materialising out of no where, with a snarky expression.

“what the fuck have you been doing all day cipher? i work my ass off and i come home to the house a state?” i plead, standing up to be someone as tall as the floating figure.

“woah woah woah, don’t be so aggressive peach, calm it and remember who you’re speaking to,” he warns, i laugh at him.

“i do everything for you cipher, i have up my life for you and this is the thanks i get? no support, messing with my home and threats? i have every right to be angry at you, you always do this!”

“do what exactly, peach?” his eyes narrow at me, staring me down.

“fuck me over! you expect to be fed, even though you don’t need to eat and can make anything you want appear but no- i have to supply it for you, to clean in a clean house but it’s fine for you to constantly mess it up, and to leave for days at a time with no warning and then just appear back and expect me to be fine? and treat me like shit!”

“i can do whatever the fuck i want peach, whatever i want-“ he grabs me by the chin, “you listen to me, you’re a puppet in my hands, you’re lucky i’m even giving the time of day. you’re only around because i like you, and you’re so lucky i like you because do you wanna know what would happen if i didn’t?”

…

“you’d be dead, rotting your own personal hell. so show me a little respect? don’t forget your place.”

i push myself away from him, i regretfully look in my eyes, i don’t know what to do, so i just stand there, scared, confused, anxious yet angry.

“i’m going, don’t try and get in my head, i don’t want you there.” i announce, before storming off and grabbing my handbag.

“i’ll never get out of your head, you belong to me remember, you’re nothing without me.” he announced, as though he’s just next to me but he isn’t. i’m in the car, applying as much pressure to the accelerator as i can- and he’s no where near me. he’s in my fucking head again. i have no space, no boundaries, i’m not just me, i’m him too- and i have no choice. i can’t escape.

i break as hard as i can, in the middle of a road, no cars were within a mile radius of me, perks of living i. a quiet town. i scream, a blood curdling scream, my nails clawing into my h/c, tears stream out of my eyes. sobbing uncontrollably i feel an arm snake around me, pulling me close.

he’s shushing me, trying to calm me down as a shriek and cry into his chest, not sure if i should push him away or accept him embrace. his boney hands stroke my h/c and instantly calms me, not by my choice though- the bastard is in my head again.

“i’ve given everything for you bill.” i state, wiping my tears away, a dead look in my eyes.

“i’m sorry peach,” he hugs me tightly, “i know i’m shitty, but i’m so sorry.”

and he just holds me, let’s me stay in his arms, i focus on my breathing, as he plays with my hair, he whispers a small ‘i love you’ in my ear, i hum back to him, too exhausted to process what’s really happened.

i wake up in my bed, changed into my favourite fleecy pyjamas, a very worried demon next to me.

i yawn, stretching my arms up, turning to him i say “and how did i get here?” my voice a little gruff from sleepiness.

“you don’t think i was going to let you sleep in the car do you? what kinda demon do you think i am?” he replied in his usually snarky yet flirtatious voice.

“ah yes sorry, you’re such the gentleman- how could i forget,” i giggle back at him before rolling away to the other side of the bed.

“i really am sorry y/n, i’m gonna try more, for you peach,”

“i love you bill,”

“i love you more peach,”

a comfortable silence surrounds us, i sigh before deciding to get up, yet just as a i begin to take the duvet off me i get it pulled start back on.

“what’re you thinking for breakfast peach? my treat, you just stay snuggled up in bed,”

“i bought some croissants yesterday, they’re in the cupboard,” i muse, before grabbing my book off the bedside table. bill let’s out a laugh.

“my treat, you just wait and see what i’ve got planned peach!”

#gravity falls x reader #bill cipher #bill cipher gravity falls #gravity falls #x reader #bill cipher x reader #my first request #hope this is okay!

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betterbooktitles · 3 months

Text

I had placed a stack of albums on the counter of a tiny strip mall record shop when my smartest writer friend called me out of the blue to tell me I should “always have a mistress.”

Relax. She meant a metaphorical mistress. That is, a writing project on the side. You have your main squeeze (a novel or a script) but then you flirt with the idea of writing a YA Romance or a Thriller or (god forbid) poetry. You need something to write that feels like a break from your “Big Project.”

I was staring at the cover of Tears for Fears’ Songs From The Big Chair, imagining the person I would be once I heard “Head Over Heels” on vinyl when my phone rang. I only had the ringer on because I was waiting for a potential call from a casting director. A certain late-night show sent out a casting notice for “shirtless man” and I, without any shame, turned on the lights in my wife’s office and had her take a few shots with my phone. I had the ringer on in case a stranger got my (half) nudes in an email, and said “That’s it! Get me that torso!” I’m sorry to say, enough time has passed without a call that you will not be seeing my chest on TV any time soon. Usually, my phone remains on silent when I’m out in the world. It also remains on silent when I’m at home because I’m staring at it all day anyway. Who needs to bring noise into that equation? If you call, I’ll see it.

Between the tone of her voice and the occasional swoosh of a car going by, I could tell my friend was driving and had me on speakerphone. She was on her way to lunch with someone on the business/agency side of Entertainment, heading to a mix of pleasurable banter over food with a friend but also a business-minded networking session with someone she hadn’t seen in 6 months. This call, pleasurable to me but in retrospect a bit of business since we talked instantly and almost entirely about work for 20 minutes, was eerily fortuitous. It was like she knew I was writing this week about work and relationships.

“You have the mistress project because it makes you feel young,” she said, telling me about her decision to write 50 pages of a Romance novel. “The problem is that you think ‘Maybe I should leave my wife for this younger project.’” She had submitted the first chunk of her frivolous manuscript to an agent, and, to her horror, the agent loved it. Now she has to live with it for a while. She has to explain to her previous project that they are either in a polyamorous marriage now or about to enter a trial separation. Plus, she had to see if the mistress project was wife material or if she’d fall into the same patterns as her previous relationship. OK. We get the metaphor.

“I’m afraid my new mistress is buying dollar records,” I said, watching the traffic go by, sipping from a lid-off paper cup full of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee that, between the time I’d spent looking at records and chatting in the parking lot, had turned cold. I felt the urge to rush back into the store and apologize to Timmy the manager for stepping out. I worried he’d already re-shelved my copy of The Go-Go’s Beauty And The Beat or that someone had seen the Tears For Fears on the top of “my” unpurchased heap and bought it for himself. This shopping trip was supposed to be an Artist Date (I guess the metaphor is still going), a weekly outing you do solo to engage with your Muse before journalling about it because a book called The Artist’s Way says it’s the only way to remain creative. You woo the Muse by engaging with art alone. Typically, I’d go to a museum or a movie by myself for my Artist Date but I’d had a record player for over 2 months and had only amassed a measly hundred-plus albums in my house so far. My next Artist Date will be a trip to IKEA to buy a shelf to hold more.

“No, Dan.” My brilliant friend said, “Replacing your main project with records or books is like saying you’re not going to have a mistress and instead get into sex dolls. You need a creative project.”

Read the rest of the essay here.

#essay #writing #amwriting #essays #substack #funny #tips #humor #personal essay #muse #art #better book titles #dan wilbur

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timeforafuckingcrusade4 · 1 year

Text

Lucifer x reader

Cigarette Break

Warnings: cigarettes? Nah honestly there's nothing else besides that I suppose

Also this is my first Fic? One-shot? I've posted so I hope you all enjoy it and let me know if you do I appreciate any support!

---------------------------------------------------

Usually the hustle and bustle of the brothers fighting didn't bother you, but today it was getting on your last nerve. You were trying to concentrate on your magic history homework that was provided at RAD and the shouting and squabbling was becoming hard to block out. You persevered and popped your headphones in turning the volume to max and finding a playlist to drown out the noise outside your door, you wished that you had been given the attic room from time to time so then you'd maybe have a bit more peace and quiet or more than you had now, but given Belphies imprisonment up there it was very unlikely, it was hard being on the first floor where the brothers usually had no choice but to be together in similar rooms and clash as they did but it was probably always going to be like this regardless of where you were stationed in the house; you were probably cashing in all your good karma to have the room to yourself as it was because the brothers were usually joined at your hip like needy infants.

Eventually you ended your assignment and let out a tired sigh. It was about time. You sunk into your chair and let the relief wash over you and after a minute or so you took one of your headphones out to see if the commotion had died down... it hadn't and you placed the device back into your ear when a notification disrupted your music. Hesitantly you checked it hoping it wasn't one of the brothers pestering you to intervene in whatever petty argument they had gotten themselves into, but to your surprise it was the future demon king himself. Shortly another notification popped up indicating some form of urgency.

Ah MC I hope I'm not bothering you but I'm worried about Lucifer. He offered to share my work load as it is due to be submitted tomorrow and I fear he's taken too much on in a short amount of time. I need to know how he's doing.

I have messaged him directly myself but he isn't responding so could I possibly ask you to check in on him for me

Lucifer not answer Diavolo? That was like. Unheard of. Maybe he had fallen asleep or something? Either way you were slightly concerned and replied to Diavolo with a simple "of course" before raising yourself from your seated position. You removed your head phones and set them on the table before having a little stretch and leaving your room, making a mental note to make yourself scarce around the brothers to avoid being dragged into their shenanigans, but by now the climax of whatever dispute they were having was pretty much finished but you were cautious nonetheless.

If you were Lucifer you'd probably be in your private study right now as it was the best place to be left to your devices in peace so you decided to check there first. To get there you had to pass through the library and to no surprise Satan was lounging on one of the sofas reading some sort of book something related to curses or cats you figured.

"Uh Satan have you seen Lucifer about?" You spoke quietly to not completely take his attention away from what he was reading because god forbid if you made him lose where he was. You dreaded to think.

"Not personally no. He's probably in his study" he didn't pry his eyes away from his book for one second so that suggested to you that he didn't know or care where Lucifer was. He probably wasn't the best person to ask about Lucifer related things in the first place.

"Right thanks"

You made your way into the study taking slow steps so you could observe your surroundings. The towering bookcases and dark atmosphere didn't ease the tension in the air. You made your way over to the banister to look see if Lucifer was at his desk and unfortunately for you he wasn't which meant he clearly wasn't here and you had to go look for him. It made sense to you to check the room to find any indication to where he might have gone so you weren't wandering like a wyvern stray.

You desended the study stairs and made your way over to Lucifers desk passing the small coffee table and chairs near the fireplace taking note of the whiskey bottle placed haphazardly on the mantlepiece. Well he'd been drinking because the lid was resting beside the bottle itself and you made your way to the desk taking note of the pile of papers which were in some form of organised mess. A glass of half drunken whiskey was placed to the side along with Lucifers D.D.D which was flashing with many missed notifications, presumably from Diavolo, so he definitely wasn't here that was obvious so you began to flip through the paperwork to see how much of it was completed and as far as you could tell it was all done. You began to neatly stack the papers in front of you to save Lucifer a job later and something caught your eye, the desk drawer was ajar so to soothe the curiosity bubbling inside you you peered into it. There wasn't anything remotely exciting other than a few files and loose pieces of paper.

After you had indirectly snooped into Lucifers very private desk and cleaned his workspace you decided to go looking for him again. You checked your own D.D.D to see more messages from Diavolo asking for updates and you decided to ignore them for the time being and put your effort into focusing on finding Lucifer. You left the library with Satan still busy reading he didn't even acknowledge you passing by which made you wonder if he would've even noticed anyone leave at all. You wanted to pop your head into the kitchen to see if Lucifer was there, after all it wasn't uncommon for him to get a cup of coffee so he could carry on with his work late into the night with minimal fatigue. Once you arrived you tentatively peered into the room and saw three figures stood around chatting, you paid close attention to them and realised it was Beel, Belphie and Asmo talking about something or other and you decided to leave them to it to avoid further distractions. As you made your way to the stairs to make your way to Lucifers room you could hear two distant voices and instantly recognised them as Mammon and Levi and connected the dots that it was those two who were arguing earlier.

Once you were at Lucifers room you composed yourself and decided not to knock just incase Lucifer was asleep and taking a much needed break. As you slowly turned the doorknob you partly stepped into the room looking for the demon somewhere in the room darting your eyes from the bed, where you noticed his coat was splayed and then to the window. There he stood. He had his back to you but you could still see his sleeves rolled up from the angle you were at and his gloves were off. You fully stepped into the room closing the door behind you and the scent of Lucifers room fully hit you it was familiar and comforting the smell of his usual cologne filling the air but then another scent hit you...cigarette smoke? Surely not.

You began to gingerly approach Lucifer stopping just behind him as the scent of cigarette smoke was now undeniably coming from him.

"Are you smoking? That's new" You spoke clearly and sternly which caused a splutter- almost a choke- to erupt from Lucifer who turned to look at you with shock immediately.

"MC- Do you not know how to knock." He regained composure as the smoke he was choking on dispersed into the air and it gave you chance to fully look at him. His hands were on show which was unusual but his red nails were always heartwarming to see (you remembered Asmo telling you he paints all his brothers nails and even though he usually conceals his hands it was always a nice reminder to see that his nails are indeed painted too meaning he indulges in Asmodeus' activities) and you gained the confidence to look up his arms to see the sleeves of his shirt gathered nicely around his elbows, exposing his forearms in the process. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned and his usual tie was nowhere to be seen but you assumed it was underneath the coat that was thrown on the bed, his waistcoat was still fully buttoned though but you had to admit it was a good look on him. After fully examining him you could feel the warmth rise in your stomach and you couldn't tell if it was due to embarrassment from leaving the conversation linger or from being attracted to him in general and being in his general area.

"I didn't knock in case you were busy or getting some rest...I didn't want to disturb what little peace you have" you tried your best to conceal the lump in your throat and tried to calculate the right speech to staring ratio as you didn't want to make it obvious that you were gawking at him.

"Well you've interrupted me regardless so you didn't do an amazing job of that but I'll allow it...why are you here in the first place?" you could feel him staring you up and down and it made you shift in place where you stood.

"Oh well- uh- Diavolo messaged me saying he's worried about you because you haven't answered his texts and you had a shit load of work and he wanted me to check in on you and you weren't in your study"

"Language. And yes I suppose I have been neglecting his messages...good grief between this paperwork and my brothers is a minutes peace too much to ask for" His expression dropped from stern to forlorn and he took the final drag of the still lit cigarette and proceeded to put it out and blow the smoke out of his propped open window and discard of the cigarette tab. You couldn't help feel bad for him, but you couldn't also help feel like it was slightly self inflicted as his prideful nature almost made it impossible for him to ask for help, but what can you expect from the Avatar of Pride himself.

"So that's why you're having a cig break? Understandable I can't say I blame you, but you could've asked for my help sure I had some homework but I got that done in no time and I'd of been happy to lend a hand" You could feel his eyes on you for what seemed like an eternity and he soon darted them out of the window running his hand through his hair and sighing which didn't help the warmth you were feeling.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but as you said you had your own assignments you don't need to bother yourself with mine as well...ugh I guess I better get back to it and reply to Diavolo before he sends a search party to find me" You let out a small breathy laugh at the search party comment.

"You know I'd help you if you asked me right? Like maybe if you allowed me to you wouldn't be as stressed as you are now...I already do my bit with your brothers what's a bit more work on top of that" He had his back turned to you as he closed his window and he let out another large sigh before turning to face you once more.

"You never take no for an answer do you?"

"I learn from the best"

"Regardless I admire your persistence and I find it equally irritating as well as endearing...you definitely are unusual"

"Well I've been with you lot for too long you start to learn as you go and well you're a stubborn cunt"

"Language. Again."

He rested against the window frame and began to shake his head at you closing his eyes whilst doing so, but you could swear you saw a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Thankyou for checking up on me MC I'll return to what I was doing now"

He stood up and you could see him readying himself to leave however he got closer to you.

"But there's one more thing"

He closed the gap between you looming over you and cupping your face with one of his now ungloved hands and you could feel the heat radiating between the two of you. He placed his thumb on your now parted lips placing it firmly on your bottom lip and he slowly moved his face closer to yours his red eyes piercing your own like he was medusa and you were turning to stone and the scent of whiskey and cigarette smoke filled your lungs.

"If you tell anyone- my brothers and Diavolo included that you caught me indulging in a cigarette you're going to be in big trouble do I make myself understood?"

You could only muster a weak nod as you didn't want to tear your eyes away from the demon in front of you and you could feel the shudders from his touch coursing through you and it made you squirm.

"Good."

Lucifer stood up to his full height and removed his hand from your face like it was nothing and made his way towards the door. You should've been used to him doing this to you, but it shocked you everytime he pulled a stunt like this despite knowing it was his nature to be assertive. The demon then stopped at the door with his hand on the handle and held it there as he turned to look in your direction.

"I love it whenever I leave you breathless and shuddering if you wait here I won't be long and we can pick straight back up from where we've just left off? Be back shortly"

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer x mc

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anxious-witch · 4 months

Note

holiday prompt you say? well well well, totally not based on my experiences

aheeem heeem

good ol’ jance (everyone’s favorite)

one of them offering a hot beverage, the other declining the offer. first one constantly being like “are you sure? you look cold”

I know I keep combining these, but some just fit so well! And I don't want to writing anything too short or repeat myself so! I hope this is fine, since I included both

Jan was having a bad day. His insomnia kicked in last night, which meant he didn't get much sleep. With Jere being over and Bojan's apartment for the holidays, the two of them kept constantly dragging the rest of them somewhere.

Because God forbid Jere didn't get the full experience with all of them around.

So here Jan was, after barely a few hours of sleep, standing by the ice rink. Freezing.

“Janči,” Nace said gently, “are you sure you don't want something to drink? Maybe mulled wine? Or hot chocolate?”

Jan set his jaw.

“No.”

Nace pursed his lips, giving him a worried once over. Jan knew he wasn't happy about how he dressed for the weather. He wore only a leather coat and a scarf that Nace wrapped around his neck at the last moment.

He wasn't that cold though. It was just sleep deprivation.

“You look cold.”

“I'm not.”

Nace sighed.

“Janči. Com'on.”

Jan crossed his arms over his chest.

“I'm tired, not cold.”

Nace reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. Jan felt an overwhelming fondness wash over him, despite his annoyance.

“I am just trying to help.”

Jan grabbed his wrist when he tried to pull his hand back and kissed his palm. Nace's cheeks colored slightly.

“I know. Sorry, I am just tired.”

“Coffee might help?”

Jan snorted at his weak attempt.

“No. Unless you are offering to whisk me away from these idiots,” Jan quickly glanced at the ice rink, “I think I'll pass.”

Nace chewed on his lip and glanced at the ice rink. Bojan, Jere, Kris and Jure were there, Nace and Jan didn't join them due to Nace pulling a muscle in the gym recently. Jan didn't want to leave him alone and frankly, he felt like he'd be completely uncoordinated anyway.

Nace got up from their table and Jan curiously watched him as he got to the rink and waved their friends over. He saw him talk to Kris-Bojan and Jure were currently being chased by Jere across the rink-and then quickly come back.

“What was that about?”

“We are leaving. You are clearly tired and I did pull a muscle so…how about we just drive around and look at the lights? And then go home and watch a movie or something.”

Jan smiled warmly.

“I would like that.”

So they did. Nace drove, not trusting him not to get drowsy behind the wheel with the little sleep he got, and simply drove around.

Jan felt slightly like a cat, looking at all the bright lights and Christmas decorations of the houses. Nace drove slowly, so he could steal glances as well, but also the streets seemed to be mostly empty. Like that lull of the day where everyone was just content to stay where they were.

“Maybe we should buy the rooftop Santa for next year,” Nace mused, looking at one of the houses.

Jan laughed.

“And put it where? We live in an apartment!”

Nace shrugged, a fond smile tugging at his lips.

“Maybe in a living room. Igor would love him.”

Jan rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. Would love tearing it apart.”

It was Nace who laughed this time. They continued driving and commenting on the decorations, either approving or disapproving of the choice.

After a while, they both got tired and Nace began driving them home. Jan looked at him as they passed all the colorful lights and decorations once more, suddenly struck by how lucky he was. How thankful he was for Nace.

For the fact that they got to spend the holidays together.

“Nace?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, you know that, right?”

Nace carefully parked the car before turning to him and taking his hands in his.

“Of course I know. I love you too. Is everything okay?”

Jan nodded.

“Yeah-yeah I just. Maybe I don't say it enough. But I really do. Thank you for this. Everything, actually.”

Nace kissed him. Jan was almost started by it, not expecting it. He kissed him back, melting into the kiss. Then Nace gently pulled away.

“You don't have to thank me for that. And I know you love me, you just express it in different ways and that's okay. Although I won't complain if you say it more often, either.”

Jan snorted.

“Alright then. I love you.”

Then he kissed him again. He could say many more things. He could tell him that he loved him and he loved spending time with him every day. That he couldn't wait to spend every holiday and special occasion with him, along with all the ordinary days and love him throughout all of them.

Jan might still tell him another day. For now, he'd be content kissing him and accepting the fact that despite all of it, he likely knew all that already.

#my writing #jance #joker out #christmas prompts

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rgr-pop · 20 days

Text

if i was a normal level of unwell right now i’d be baking a loaf of bread. i don’t want to have to leave the house tomorrow and i can’t bring myself to go to this stupid womens meeting. i have been so clear that i can’t do non constructive meetings that don’t specifically need me right now because i’m worn so thin, but if i don’t come on my sunday off i’ll lose credibility and these other orgs won’t work on the abortion fund projects. it feels like it’s always all on me to defend the value of doing repro work— and sometimes that’s okay and as you know i’m stepping up to work on this structural problem. but the problem is that if i show any signs of fragility—or god forbid say, “i need my sunday to myself this week,” or even worse, “my pet snail is dying and it’s going to impact my productivity for a week,” what i will be told is, well, you don’t have the capacity to sustain this work, so we’re going to stop working on it.

and the problem isn’t exactly that i’m the only one doing it (right now for example i have a street outreach brigade pamphleting hash bash lol in ann arbor, a political research crew prepping for the leg piece, a new Posting partnership planned for soon, the fundraiser ask is being made by someone else, plus some workings in a second chapter… look at me defending the work to you!), but we don’t have quite everyone with ownership over the project yet (which you build to) and, as i’ve said, everyone is depending all their willingness to not put up walls around this on whether or not i personally look energized and perfect and like i know everything every time they see me. meanwhile i want only one thing all the time (to kill myself). and i can’t be in this position because i’m not doing great. but i’m an ill and severely mentally ill person who can—i know—do a couple hours a week of organizing most weeks. and i believe you can build effective campaigns that bring in more people and build capacity and bolster people’s belief in the power working collectively for 2-10 hours a week can have to change people’s lives and make them feel mostly better rather than mostly worse. it’s important to me to hold that line. but i personally can’t survive being scolded by social workers (anarchists) and sociopaths (postleninists and social movement strategists) not to mention the regular misogynists who I HAVE TO PRESENT THIS TO IN A WEEK HOPING THAT THEY DONT DO SOMETHING MEAN TO SCARY TO ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!!

anyway the thing is that i’m so fragile that i don’t see a way where this consciousness raising or whatever meeting doesn’t ruin my mood for the next few days, because every single one so far has been so bad it has edged on a traumatic experience. and i have to deal with that on top of everything else i have in my life (snail dying, baby, ANTS, being solely responsible for housework and most bills, feeding myself on no money, medical appointments, all my loved ones in crisis due to being poor women, eclipse???, my union, eating disorder, chronic pain, SNAIL DYING). and if you were a loser wannabe social worker you might say “it sounds like you don’t have capacity to organize” and, WRONG. i don’t have the capacity to waste two hours of my life + the bus travel on a consciousness raising meeting where someone tells me what’s wrong about me. and i disagree with the relational organizing (or even post bernie labor type) partisans a who say, that’s where the organizing happens. i disagree and i have a different theory of how this works (i may be inventing a caucus lol). and most importantly i think that i personally am more like a majority of working class women than i’m different. the main thing that makes me most different from other working class women is how much time i commit to communism. i want to change this!!!

today i need to work on things but i’m focused on my snail and the feelings around this. i’m having a hard time feeding myself. i don’t think crying on a saturday with my dying pet snail while managing mental illness during an eclipse makes me someone who can’t organize and i do NOT think getting psychologically torn to shreds by a social worker in training or a social movement strategist trying to force me to do drugs at a retreat is going to make me a better organizer.

j invited us over after the meeting and i’m overcome with guilt about coming empty handed. i miss him. i saw him in passing at the last meeting. he makes me happy and feel better. i don’t think i should be with him because i worry all i can do is complain. and he will be reminded why everyone hates me et cetera. but after i saw him that day when i wanted to die he reached out right after and said do you guys want to come over for dinner.

i can’t do the dishes. i made sniva a carrot. she got up to eat it. her trapdoor is so withered but i don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go on reddit to think about it. i want her to live six more days. i genuinely don’t know whether i’m neglecting her or should let it be. i am almost sure there is nothing i can do to fix her trapdoor. i’m going to do a small water change/replacement tonight if i can be upright enough. that’s it!! im as good as murdering her

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