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#but don't think too hard about it I just made it for the funny lmao

orbleglorb · 17 hours

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blaseball in the tumblr universe, part 4

(part 3 might be needed for context)

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anonymous asked:

so what exactly did you think was going to happen when you made your tumblr username Official Jessica Telephone?

☎️ official-jessica-telephone

idk man i thought maybe before sending an ask, which you have to click on my profile to do, people would see my header that says "not jessica telephone" in all caps. maybe they'd even read my bio that says i'm a 17 year old transmasc named michael living in the uk.

#telephone calls #please please please it is not that hard.

620 notes

🦞 marketplace-shellfish 🔁

👛 antique-handbags Follow

Working in ILB offices is so fun. Why did my boss just ask me who Donald Trump is.

👛 antique-handbags

Wrong blog but too late to delete now :P

🦞 marketplace-shellfish

Wait. So Parker IIIII knows who Ronald Reagan is, but not Donald Trump?

👛 antique-handbags

The Game Band (and me and some others, but mostly TGB) give Commish school lessons on off hours. They've only made it to around the 80s or 90s in history in the eleven-ish years he's been around. I usually do English and Math with him so IDK what's going on there.

🦞 marketplace-shellfish

Amazing. What the fuck

#I hope that's not supposed to be confidential #Would rather not get fired #<- Prev honestly I don't think anyone but maybe your coworkers could figure out who you are? #You're pretty good at not sharing personal details outside of this post #Or maybe I've missed a couple of posts idk

9,821 notes

anonymous asked:

You're one to get up on a soapbox about respecting celebrities. You literally named yourself after Mike Townsend.

☎️ official-jessica-telephone

i literally named myself after michael the distortion tma

#telephone calls #hitting my head against the wall #also i hate being called mike. lmao #canceling my parents for naming my sister after my grandmother

499 notes

🐶 catgirlfirefighter 🔁

🌼 buildmeupbuttercup Follow

🐶 catgirlfirefighter

what if this was my last straw

21,573 notes

☕️ eyesinthedark11

im sorry but the reader is so funny to me. giant eyeball that comes outta nowhere and says "your team is gonna suck absolute shit this season. here's a card and a riddle. fuck you" and then the coin is so clearly trying to get this guy away from blaseball but it doesn't care. comes every earlsiesta and is like "your team has a chance of sucking so bad it hurts. over under under over" and then LEAVES. do we think the coin and the reader are divorced

#i am NOT maintagging this shit

13 notes

#i did not check math at all so if the reader would have appeared later than 11 years after pvrker came around pls ignore that #blaseball #fake tumblr #fake tumblr dash #i have several more of these in my drafts

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talaok · 7 months

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Like a Virgin

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

summary: It's been a really long time since Joel has felt the feel of anything else besides his own fist, and once you remind him how good the real thing is... let's just say it's hard for him to live up to his full potential.

warnings: smut| unprotected p in v sex, premature ejaculation, very touch-starved Joel, and allusion to oral sex (f receiving)

a/n: I don't know what to say lmao this is a thing for me ok, don't judge (and also you can't tell me this isn't accurate, like this man hasn't gotten laid since the moon landing probably, and you expect him to last? no way babe). Also I'm sorry about the title it's funny to me lol

Now this wasn't like him.

He hadn't done this in a long time.

The last time he had sex with a woman he'd just met (or any woman to be completely honest) he was 25 years younger and the world hadn't gone to shit yet... so yeah, a long time indeed.

But you were so fucking beautiful, such a pretty face with such pretty eyes, and god but that mouth of yours-

And plus you were new to Jackson, you didn't know yet about all the scary stories folks liked to tell about him, and you were kind and funny, and... did he mention hot already?

Just one night of letting loose, that's what he'd told himself, and then he was gonna go back to his old closed-off self, but for now... for now, he was too busy throwing you on his bed to think about anything else.

You were getting rid of your clothes and he followed your lead more than willingly, almost ripping the buttons off his flannel in the rush.

He bent down to kiss your neck as his hands hurried to your tits.

God, he'd forgotten how good it felt to touch a woman.

And when you let out a little whimper, he swore he had ascended to another universe.

"Joel please"

Fuck him, but he wasn't inside of you yet, and he was already feeling far too close to coming.

Guess fucking his own fist for two decades really does something to a man.

"need something?"

He was acting wayy too smug for someone who was feeling like a virgin all over again.

"Please- I need you inside me, Joel"

fucking damnit- he shouldn't have asked that, his dick was now really suffering the consequences.

He didn't risk saying anything else as he got rid of his boxers, but of course, you just had to come out and say:

"oh wow, you're big" with the sexiest fucking voice he'd ever heard.

"want me to stop?"

For some reason, those words elicited a criminally hot smirk on your lips

"Definitely not"

You were looking at him like a starving woman and he had to look down to where he was moving his tip to your entrance to get away from you and your dangerous, dangerous gaze

He pushed into you slowly and god fucking damnit but the sounds that you made... those sweet little moans and whines you let out as your warm pussy stretched around him and hugged him better than anything he'd felt in years... he had no words for it- no coherent sounds could make it out of his mouth except for a few groans coming deep from his chest.

"Good christ"

that's the only thing he managed to murmur as he bottomed out and had to take a break to try not to bust his load right there.

"fuck you feel so good" you moaned, as your hands gripped his sheets "please move" you begged, your voice breathy and pleading, and godfuck he should have really thought about it before doing this.

"Joel please-"

"I just need a moment darlin'" he explained, closing his eyes to try and remember how he used to manage to last and coming up completely empty.

He could feel your expectant eyes on him so even if he sure as hell didn't feel ready, he did as you asked and started to move.

The regret reached him extraordinarily fast as he felt your walls tightening around him and as you cried out for him like an angel sent straight from heaven.

"fuck-" you moaned, looking up at him with doe eyes that made him wonder if you really just knew what you were doing, if you actually enjoyed torturing him like this

"god you're so deep"

Yeah, you definitely knew

"and so big-" you cried

He gripped your waist to try and ground himself as he thrusted into your fucking perfect cunt.

"oh my god-yes!" you moaned, your back arching from the bed as his thrust got harsher in the hopes that that would make you talk less.

"just like that Joel- oh-"

And Joel was tough in a lot of ways and he wasn't one to give up easily, but shit you were making it hard for him.

"Please don't stop- fuckfuckfuck" you begged, shutting your eyes close at the feeling.

And that was it, he couldn't do it anymore

"please stop talking" he breathed, his eyes resuming their tour of your eyes, mouth, and bouncing tits.

"why?"

"nothing it's just-"

And before he could answer you had grabbed his shoulder and forced him to bend down to meet your mouth with his.

Goddamnit.

"you just feel too good Joel"

"fuck." he groaned, not able to stop his hips from moving no matter how much he wanted to "shit"

"what is it?"

"Jesus Christ I-"

"is there something wrong?"

"n-no just- fuck I'm sorry sweetheart"

And that's all he could say as he abruptly pulled out of you, his spend covering your stomach not even a second after as he growled so loud his neighbors probably thought he was getting killed.

"shit" again, he sighed, his forehead falling to your shoulder.

"oh" you couldn't help but smile as everything came together

"I'm sorry darlin'" he breathed, leaning away and standing up as shame filled every inch of him.

"It's just- It's been a long time since I've done... this"

You sat up, your legs still dangling off the bed, as you admired his handy work on your belly.

"And you... you're just real fucking pretty" he huffed a half-laugh "I'm sorry"

You looked up at him then, meeting his mortified expression.

"No hey" you smiled, placing a hand on his torso "It's fine, I understand"

"god this is embarrassing, I feel like a sixteen-year-old all over again" he shook his head

"stop" you cooed, gently caressing his skin, as a mischievous spark lighted in your irides "It's fine, really" you promised, "and besides..." you bit your bottom lip as you slowly spread your legs "you could still make it up to me, y'know?"

He groaned again, falling to his knees between your thighs

"that I can do"

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cordeliawhohung · 4 months

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Whoa whoa whoa, why did you have to make mafiaunderboss!Simon sound so hot 😩😩??

Can we see what it looks like when Price’s wifey brings a friend around, and she’s nothing but heart eyes for him and vice versa? I honestly just love this au

mafiaunderboss!Simon has my whole fucking heart i have so many ideas for him it's not even funny. and you know what's even better than price's wife bringing a friend around??? being that friend she brings around..... (we truly are out here living our best y/n lives)

also, i've created a mafia!141 masterlist here <3 because i don't think i'm getting out of this phase anytime soon.

warnings: mafia!underboss!Simon x shy-ish!fem!reader, reader doesn't know simon's in a mafia lmao, sorta sexual tension, short-ish drabble

When your friend invited you over to a family dinner, you weren't sure if you should go or not. Family events always seemed more like a private and cut off thing, not something a friend should attend, and you were terrified about intruding. But when she insisted that her husband wouldn't mind, and how she would love it if you were able to meet the others, you begrudgingly accepted.

You arrived right on time wearing a cute little outfit that you hoped would keep you cool enough so that you weren't sweating all throughout dinner. Once you were led into the dining room of your friends home, you very quickly realized that this was not the type of family dinner you had expected. At first, you had thought of extended family, some brothers and sisters, maybe nieces and nephews. Instead, you saw your friend's husband, John, at the head of the table, along with three other men, none of whom looked related.

After a few quick introductions, you took your seat in between your friend and a kind, boisterous man with a mohawk who the others called Soap. Once dinner was served, conversation erupted throughout the table, and while you found yourself actively listening, you didn't add a whole lot to the conversation. Instead, you were perfectly content glancing around the table, watching the men around you curse and joke with one another.

However, there was one man who caught your eyes more than anyone else. The others called him Riley, and he was almost too large to fit comfortably in the small, wooden dining chair. You swore you heard his knees knock against the table a few times. The simple black t-shirt he wore perfectly displayed the sleeve of tattoos on his arm, and you found yourself enchanted by the way the sinewy muscles of his forearm flexed as he raised his glass to his lips. It seemed impossible to tear your eyes away from him, until you realized his dark and alluring eyes had caught you. You quickly averted your gaze just in time to miss the smirk that pulled at his lips.

Dessert was served in what you assumed was the entertainment room. There was a dartboard shoved up against the wall and a billiards table towards the side of the room, both of which looked very loved with years worth of holes and scratches. While you and your friend indulged in the mouthwatering tiramisu she had made, the boys started up a game of pool, where they played long enough for John to get either too bored or too fed up with the others. They tried to get your friend to play so that they could continue playing doubles, but she quickly declined.

"What about you?" Kyle spoke up.

It took you a moment to realize that he was speaking to you. All three men had their eyes on you, including Riley. Swallowing, you shook your head as you set your dishware on the side table next to you.

"Oh, I don't really know how to play," you excused.

"That's alright," Soap said as he tapped his pool cue on the floor. "Riley's a good teacher."

Before you knew it you were standing next to the table alongside the others, your own cue in hand. It didn't take long to realize just how better at the game they were than you as they made shot after shot, and when your turn rolled around, you swallowed hard, not exactly excited to make a fool of yourself.

Still, you conjured as much confidence as you could as you leaned over the table, trying to line the stick up with the cue ball. Yet no matter how hard you tried to steady your hands, you couldn't quite get stable enough to make a good shot.

"Here," Riley spoke up as he leaned his stick against the table.

The warmth of him engulfed you as you found your back pressed against his chest. It took everything in you not to boil alive under his touch as he moved your guiding hand into position in order to strike efficiently. His hand engulfed yours as he helped you hold onto the stick, and you attempted to ignore the way his breath fanned across your ear as he spoke.

"Steady, yeah? Strike right here in the center, angle a bit to the left," he guided.

Eventually his hands slid off of yours so you could make the shot, but your brain was too overwhelmed to fully focus. Yet you tried anyway, striking the ball just like he told you and barely pocketing one of the stripes. A quick round of whoops escaped the boys as they congratulated you on your shot, despite the fact you were on the other team. Riley went for a more tame reaction, and he rested his hand on your shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

"Nice shot."

Heat rose in your face at his touch, and you tried to swallow the warmth back into your stomach as you tapped your cue against the tip of your shoe. "All thanks to you, Riley."

For a moment, he was silent as he leaned over the table for his turn where thick fingers guided his cue along the table. Pudgy skin and muscles forced his shirt to tighten along his shoulders, and you stood there speechless as he hit his shot. He easily pocketed yet another ball before he straightened back up and turned his attention to you. His dark eyes, the ones that had been sneaking glances at you all night long, gave you a quick once over before he tilted his head slightly.

"It's just Simon to you, sweetheart."

i am fucking feral for this man. also, unrelated but mafia simon has a dick piercing <3

#mafia!ghost #mafia!141 #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader

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number1jeonginstan · 3 months

Note

Reader asking to tie a bow to it? :3

A/N: LMAO, I love this because it's so funny. I also was talking to this girl about this and we both started cracking up.

warnings: fluff and suggestiveness and some smut? idk man!

Chan:

"You want to what?" he asked, confused at what you are implying.

"I wanna tie a bow around it, think about it, your dick would be so coquette!" you giggled as you pulled the ribbon that was in your hair, showing it to him.

"You are being serious aren't you?" he asked as he watched your hands make their way towards his shorts.

"Very." you replied before palming his soft cock through his shorts.

"What ever the lady wants, I guess" he sighed "Happy wife, happy life, or whatever they say"

"I'm not your wife though?" you asked with a perplexed look on your face.

"Not yet" he giggled before dragging you into his lap, kissing your lips. "Now what was that about tying a bow?"

Lee Know:

"So you want to tie a pink bow around my dick?" he asked, lying on his stomach on your shared bed reading a book.

"Yes" you replied as you laid down next to him, batting your eyelashes at him.

"Are you crazy?" he asked, marking his page in the book and setting it down.

"No, but just imagine it. Your dick all pretty while I suck on it" you giggled, not wanting to take no for an answer.

"Is all of this a ploy to suck my cock?" he asked looking directly at your face.

"Maybe"

"You should have just asked kitten" he said, kissing your lips and dragging your hand underneath him, feeling his already semi-hard cock.

Changbin:

"Binnie" you whispered as you laid on his chest, the two of you watching a movie.

"Yes bunny?" he replied, placing a chaste kiss on your lips.

"You know how I put a bow on your bicep and recorded you breaking it by just flexing?"

"Yes, you got so many likes on that tiktok, made you want to keep me all to yourself, you didn't let me leave the house for 24 hours, afraid someone was going to steal me from you"

"Shut up, it's not my fault you are so hot" you groaned, "but I want to try something else"

"Yeah baby, what is it?"

"Can I wrap a bow around your dick?"

"You wanna see Binnie's cock all pretty for his bunny?" he asked while playing with your nipple, causing you to whimper.

"Please?"

"Anything for you"

Hyunjin:

"Babe, can we do this?" he asked, running up to you. He showed you a tiktok captioned "if he loved you, he would let you wrap a bow around it"

"Think about how pretty my dick would look with one of your hair bows around it" he whined, throwing himself onto you.

"Are you being serious, because I was too scared to ask you" you replied, his entire body weight pressed against yours as you were typing something out on your computer.

"Why wouldn't I be, I want to look pretty for my girl, even if it means my dick would be even prettier"

"I mean you do have the perfect dick for a bow" you giggled as a smile spread across his face, "I told you!!"

Jisung:

"I need you to imagine something" you ran into Jisung's room, more like barging in while holding a pink ribbon in your hands.

He quickly scrambled, throwing his blanket on top of his dick, he didn't need you to know that he was jerking off, especially to you his best friend.

"Could you knock next time, please" he whined as you ignored him.

"Imagine this bow wrapped around your pretty cock, leaking with pre-cum as I lick it up!" you stated as you slowly pulled the covers of his blanket down, revealing his already hard cock slapped against his toned stomach.

"What!" he screamed, trying to cover himself up.

"Come on Sungie, you don't think I wouldn't notice my pink lace panties missing? It's the least you can do for me"

Felix:

"I know you've seen it" he grinned as he manspread on your couch, with nothing but grey joggers and a tanktop on.

"Seen what?" you asked, placing the cake and coffee you had brought in front of the two of you.

"Baby, if you want to tie a bow around my cock, you should have just asked" he grinned, taking a sip of the ice americano you placed in front of him.

"What, how did you know?" you asked, tilting your head to the side.

"Baby, I saw the pink lace ribbon on your desk, not to mention you texted me instead of your friend on tiktok saying you guys 'had to do it on your boyfriends'" he giggled before kissing your lips.

"Are you serious?"

"Go ahead and get that ribbon baby" he giggled.

Seungmin:

"You are such a weird little puppy" he whined as you slowly added the bow around his cock, sucking at the tip.

"I still can't believe you roped me into doing this with you" he whined as he stroked your hair.

You slowly released your mouth off of the tip of his cock, lapping at the pre-cum

"I promised you I would do anything if you let me do this to you" you giggled as you slowly took more of him in your mouth, the ribbon near his balls covered in your spit and a bit of his pre-cum.

"That leash is going to look so fucking good on you" he groaned before bucking his hips into your mouth, causing you to moan around his cock.

"Fuck, such a good little puppy, why don't you hump me while you are at it"

Jeongin:

"You know how you have the perfect dick?" Your friend with benefits just looked at you with an exasperated look on his face.

"I have a perfect what?" he replied, his brows slightly furrowed.

"A perfect dick, like it's so long and the tip is such a pretty pink" you started rambling on, causing his face to heat up.

"Baby, can you please stop talking about my dick like it's something you worship" he groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"But it is something that makes me cum every time, ergo something I worship, and something I could worship even more if you let me put a bow around it"

"You are not putting a bow around my dick" he replied, his hands slowly coming off of his face only to see your pouting face.

"Please Innie" you whined, attempting to give him your best puppy dog eyes.

"Fine" he groaned, knowing all his attempts of convincing you would end up futile.

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invidiia · 9 months

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can you do more teenage platonic yandere ones 🙏🙏 i love them bro

one suggestion is them (chuuya, ranpo, dazai, sigma, idek) w a rebellious teenager 🙏🙏🙏🙏

sorry, you've been misinformed.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ "we appreciate." 𖤐 separate platonic yanderes chuuya, ranpo, dazai, sigma x reader

these mfs cannot deal with rebellious teenagers!!!!

m.list // previous

[ a/n ; HI SILLIES SORRY I DIDNT DO A YANXREADER POST YESTERDAY IDKFKKFKFCX ANYWAY HERES THE PLATONIC YANDERE SILLY PEOPLE ?! ]

[ warning ; platonic yandere, lowkey crack 😭😭, stalking ]

— CHUUYA NAKAHARA

⋆ lord, please give this man the patience to deal with you

⋆ he gets it, he was a rebellious teenager too, but so? he doesn't have time for you to act this way, like at all. probably best to just,, cooperate

⋆ chuuya has to put a lot of time into his job, being an executive and all, so that leaves you a lot of time to go do rebellious teenager shit

⋆ you can imagine it's pretty often he comes back to find you not there, or if you go to school, he'll get calls about you skipping class to go do whatever it was teenagers did when they skipped

⋆ yokohama mall is huge, perfect place to go to have fun and get away from chuuya!! it most definitely ends with you getting dragged out of the mall doors by your collar and shoved into the backseat of the car to go home, but it was fun anyway.

⋆ funny ass little arguments, too. "and if i find out you left when i come back, you'll regret it." "uh-huh, i bet i will." "just shut up and stay here."

⋆ please take him seriously, or at least pretend to, for his own sanity 😭

— RANPO EDOGAWA

⋆ ranpo doesn't take you seriously at all.

⋆ even if he knows you'll actually go do something stupid, he won't take you seriously. and when you go do it, consequences await you anyway 🤷

⋆ no point in keeping secrets, he already knows

⋆ plans to sneak out? getting stuff without permission? anything you keep from him? yeah, he knew already lol

⋆ lowkey draws a line at going against him and doing illegal stuff. committing any kind of crime? lmao no, he'll just keep you with him at all times or something which is probably embarrassing asf

⋆ am i wrong to think he may drag poe into this? maybe, shrug

— OSAMU DAZAI

⋆ he doesn't have time either, i almost feel bad for him

⋆ he's like ranpo actually, has no shame in forcing you almost everywhere with him or leaving you to atsushi which is really evil, poor atsushi

⋆ arguments are funny as hell (for him) probably you yelling and trying to make a point and explain why you do whatever you do or something and dazai just laughing and not listening LMAO

⋆ "that's crazy kid lmao" "i'm trying to make a point, don't fucking call me that."

⋆ doesn't really care about you yelling at him. just forces you everywhere with him

⋆ remember in chuuya's part where you just sneak into yokohama mall to get away from him and have fun? too bad lmao, dazai knew you were coming and followed you anyway!! just when you thought you were finally alone, away from the suffocating presence of dazai and could terrorize the shoppers in peace, nope LOL

⋆ he just tags along with you, keeping a hand on your shoulder and a smile on his face while you just grit your teeth and deal with him. "can we just go home?" "no wayy, didn't you wanna come here?" "not with you."

— SIGMA

⋆ poor guy lmao

⋆ literally has to stop you from terrorizing the customers or damaging the casino somehow

⋆ a little hard to sneak out unless you have an ability or another person to help you

⋆ cue nikolai coming to the casino to bother sigma and then helping you sneak out because it'll annoy sigma and he doesn't care LMAO

⋆ probably ends up locking you in your room because he doesn't trust you enough to keep you with him. sigma learned that from a past mistake he made with you

⋆ "wait, this card is damaged. the game isn't valid, therefore, you need to replay." and then the teenager next to him probably being the one who messed up the card LOL

#bsd x reader #platonic yandere bsd #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #sigma x reader #ranpo x reader #yandere bsd x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #platonic yandere

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ifangirlalot · 9 months

Text

˗ˏˋ 𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐂𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐒 2ˎˊ˗ | starring the fellas

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

~smut!~ [𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘:] too many to pick out, just a shit ton of nsfw shit.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

✧˚ mike ۫ ׅ ✧

Is he a top or bottom? Mike is a perfect even split between sub and dom. He's kind of a pussy, so don't expect any hardcore shit when he's on top. But like?? He expects?? Rough treatment?? When he's the sub?? Lmao, what a hypocrite.

What are his favorite positions? Sub Mike likes to be ridden while being tied down, it gives him a good view. Dom Mike also likes to be ridden, except this time your hands are the ones tied, behind your back, and he has the tail like a leash and he can pull it to make your back arch, thus putting boobs in his face. So he can *blublublublublub* all in them mfs.

How freaky is he? Depends on the day and the mood. Sometimes Mike can be quite adventurous. He can wanna fuck in the bathroom or the janitors' closet at school, but he can also pussy out and just wait until you get home and just fuck in the basement or in his bedroom. He can wanna be teased and edged, or he can just give you a quick pound and that's that. And then sometimes, he'll want to experiment with new kinks and then sometimes, he wants to be boring and basic.

How noisy is he? Mike is a whimperer and a whiner. So, he's pretty noisy most of the time.

How long does he usually last? Usually right at twenty minutes.

Protection or no? Are you kidding? His parents would kill him if he got you pregnant, of course he uses protection.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

✧˚ trevor ۫ ׅ ✧

Is he a top or bottom? Trevor is a top. He did genuinely try to be a bottom once, but being called a "good boy" just made him feel like a dog.

What are his favorite positions? Doggy, but specifically over the Ectomobile hood. He likes the idea of driving it and thinking Yo, I fucked her on this thing. Even if he does get a hard-on in the middle of the road because of it.

How freaky is he? Moderately freaky. I mean, he's not looking to call you a bunch of names or beat the fuck out of you for pleasure, but he's down with some car sex in a parking lot, and for the occasional spank to your ass, and also for some teasing with sex toys. How noisy is he? He's more of a heavy breather, but occasionally you'll slide across a vein on his dick that he's sensitive about that gets a moan out of him. How long does he last? Somewhere in twenty-five-to-thirty-minute range. Sometimes it's longer, sometimes it's shorter. Protection or no? Yeah. His car floor is like covered in condom wrappers, it's kind of funny because he doesn't clean his car and he drives Phoebe and Podcast to school sometimes and they're like "?? The fuck??" ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

✧˚ richie ۫ ׅ ✧

Is he a top or a bottom? Both, but he thinks he's way more of a top than he actually is. Which is a lie. Richie Tozier is your bitch. Period. What are his favorite positions? All of them. He can't pick a favorite. He likes reverse cowgirl, because ass. He likes being rode, because boobs. He likes going down on you, because he likes to see your face contort in pleasure. Yeah, any position you do he can find a reason to love it. How freaky is he? He's freaky, but a lot less than you'd think. He does have his limits. One of them is that he refuses physical violence. He'll degrade you all you want, but he won't lay a finger on you in a negative away, no matter how much you beg. How noisy is he? It's Richie- when the fuck is he ever quiet? He's noisy, he's loud, and he's not ashamed of it. He wants everyone to know that he's getting laid. How long does he last? Eh. Fifteen minutes or so. He makes it count, though.

Protection or no? He's like Boris in the way that he sometimes he does forget, but that's alright, you're on the pill anyways. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

#💭 ۫⠀PREFERENCE.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚#⊹ . SMUT ۫ .#mike wheeler #trevor spengler #richie tozier #mike wheeler smut #trevor spengler smut #richie tozier smut #mike wheeler x reader #trevor spengler x reader #richie tozier x reader #mike wheeler x you #trevor spengler x you #richie tozier x you #stranger things #ghostbusters afterlife #it #it chapter one #it chapter two

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canmom · 3 months

Text

Comics mini-Comints: Dungeon Meshi

reread dungeon meshi through to the end. still such a great manga. here are immediate thoughts - if I end up having time and energy I hope I can write something that goes deeper!

ironically i was only a few chapters from the end when I stopped keeping up, but I was struggling to remember all the characters and context, so reading it through in one go was definitely an ideal way to achieve maximum impact there.

ryoko kui does a very elegant job of handling a transition from 'silly antics' to 'big dramatic fantasy' while still keeping the central thematic throughline - eating and being eaten, belonging to an ecosystem, the significance of sacrificing others to achieve your own desires. a lot of setups pay off in a way that feels meticulously planned - and of course the crux of the final showdown revolves around characters attempting to eat each other, of course the big payoff is a huge feast that symbolically unites all the conflicting factions. it is maybe a bit too neat and happy for my taste, but it's undeniably tightly executed - it never loses sight of what it's about. especially compared to something like Frieren, it's an incredibly coherent serialisation, up there with e.g. Fullmetal Alchemist.

kui's art style deserves all kinds of praise - it feels effortlessly simple, but it clearly communicates all sorts of different shapes and body types and it's really fun to see her play around with remixing the different visual elements when she switches the races around. in general Laius's autistic monster loving ways clearly reflect kui's own deeply felt appreciation for all the ways people and animals live (accentuated further by all the extra sketches the scanlators tuck in). in a way you could kinda call it like Parts Unknown the fantasy manga.

the stakes of the final conflict are interesting - there is much to be said about the framing of 'desire' and its fulfilment, of this occult idea of 'the infinite'. lots you could put in relation to other manga, and also buddhism. (in particular I really want to develop a comparison to Made In Abyss, there are so many parallels, it just might be too spicy for tumblr lmao).

one thing I really like about it is how much its fantasy dungeon-exploring setting owes to D&D and other TTRPGs, rather than videogames. monster ecology has been a fascination of that game since the early days of Dragon magazine, and Kui sharply zeroes in on some of the intrinsic conflicts baked in to that fantasy milieu, notably the lifespan thing, while smartly avoiding the traps of 'evil races'. there's some really fun nods to the weirder monster manual entries. and in a story with so many characters and factions, it does a genuinely incredible job of furnishing everyone with understandable, reasonable motivations, conflicts drawn from their context just like the monsters are explained by their ecology.

and one thing that I particularly appreciate is like... how much it is able to simultaneously understand and sympathise with a character and also show us how and why they'd rub others the wrong way. it's impossible not to like our main group, they're all such charming dorks and the manga leads you along with all the crazy rpg party shit they do, but at the same time you definitely find yourself thinking 'guy's got a point' in the kabru chapters lmao. I'm projecting hard bc i don't really know a thing about ryōko kui but laius def feels like the sort of depiction of having an autism that you can only do if you've lived it.

but yeah, it's a fuzzy ending where it all turns out well. but what's the deeper thrust of it all? there's a funny moment where marcille is like 'maybe in the end our journey is about learning to accept death' and the grouchy old gnome guy completely laughs this off as naive, because death doesn't mean anything. and indeed their big plan pays off, and falin does indeed come back just fine. but still, through all of this it asks you to bite the bullet that being a living creature means eating to survive, at the cost of other creatures, with the other side being that one day you too will be eaten. in contrast to this honest way of being is the beguiling fantasy of infinity, where all your desires are immediately fulfilled - this is shown as a dangerous path of corruption that produces madness and manipulability. having limits and rubbing up against the wishes of others, or 'doing things you don't want to do' as izutsumi's arc puts it, becomes necessary for having some kind of definition as a subject. the thing that makes the demon concrete as an entity is a desire, or appetite, that can't immediately be fulfilled.

of course we can connect this to the idea of narrative conflict. a standard advice for putting together a plot is to ask what each character wants and why they can't get it. wanting something implies movement. and indeed over the course of this story, we see that while having too many desires fulfilled too readily leads to incoherence and callousness, equally a character who is left catatonic as their desires have been eaten by the demon must be reawakened to activity by finding a new desire.

it's kinda Buddhist innit. neither the opulence of the palace nor asceticism. desires are what tie you to the world. but mixed with ecology: what a creature does to find the energy to live is what defines its lifestyle, its form.

this is probably where I'd start talking about entropy gradients and shit if i wasn't typing this on a phone at 1:30am lmao.

but yeah - it's a powerful move to go from 'D&D monster recipe show sendup' to 'living with the inherently violent nature of being an organism fated to live in a finite sum game' and yet Dungeon Meshi makes it feel natural and convincing, while remaining tremendously charming and funny throughout. ryōko kui is definitely some kind of genius, and I can't wait to see what her next act is gonna be. it's all definitely making me appreciate the act of eating a lot more.

next story on my plate is probably The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere, which sounds like it will present a very gnarly thematic contrast.

#manga #dungeon meshi #comics comints

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nightlight-stardust-and-rain · 1 year

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So. Predatory species Obi-wan.

Mostly I just think it's funny to make him a predator bc if you take all the SW character and go "which one looks more likely to eat someone" Obi-Wan would definitely not be it. Not even top 20. He's much more likely to deliver a devastating burn with a flat tone lmao but anyway!

Specifically, Obi-wan being from a species who's pretty damn known for eating people. Like, it's not the only thing they can eat but a...... Something big happened a while ago and the galaxy never really forgot. Nowadays Stewjoni people don't really eat anyone but it's.... Mostly because they don't leave their planet. The predatory instincts are definitely here (Quinlan wears proof of that because once when they were teenagers he made the mistake of pissing obi-wan off and letting his finger wander a bit too close and long story short, Obi-wan bit him so hard he severed Quinlan's finger and they had to go to a healer really fast. Obi-wan felt super guilty for a while but Quinlan annoyed him into forgiving himself. Nowadays he's more embarassed that he lost control so bad. Quinlan thinks it was hilarious and that he definitely expected to get bitten but he didn't expect the result.)

Mostly the instincts are just Obi-wan really wanting to bite people when they're annoying and maybe wanting to chase people if they turn their back to him and run. Also headbutting people to show affection, which became a Whole Thing™ when he was on Mandalore. He doesn't really thinks about how people would taste until he's hungry and he's really good at controlling himself.

But basically this whole thing came from an idea I had with Alpha-17!

Basically it's like. Obi-wan being a predatory species is a bit of a secret bc like.... It's not like he'd be killed if people knew but Stewjoni still have a really bad reputation. So he doesn't like to talk about it. And people don't really know because he looks so mild-mannered and he smiles with his mouth closed so you can't see the teeth and he hides his hands in his sleeves because otherwise he picks at his skin which is not good when one has claws.

Okay so the clones don't know Obi-wan is from a predatory species. He's not hiding it, but when the clones see him headbutt Anakin like an affectionate Tooka they either go "maybe that's a nat-born thing" or "maybe that's a Jedi thing" or "makes sense, my batch mate like keldabe kisses too". Due to their childhood they have literally no idea of what is Normal Human Behavior so they don't notice that Obi-Wan isn't human.

Point is, Obi-wan and Alpha-17 get captured by Ventress and she tries to sow discord by being all "how can you trust a predator ? Unless you didn't know what he was? Then how can you trust something that hides what it is" basically she's just trying to get Alpha to distrust Obi-wan so he won't try to help him escape.

Obi-Wan's kind of expecting.... Not fear, exactly. Alpha-17 sort of doesn't do fear. But he's expecting some agressivity at least. Some wariness.

Except Alpha is just mostly outraged. How come Kenobi, who won't even kill a few annoying senators, gets the biological advantages that comes with being a predator?? That's so unfair. This idiot wouldn't even think about eating anyone. Alpha could use the biology way better! He would have loved to be able to eat a few kaminoans!! That's fucking unfair. How come his Jedi gets sharp fangs and he doesn't?? UN. FAIR.

Lmao yeah the whole plot is basically just Alpha-17 being offended that his pacifist of a general won the genetic lottery while he (who would have used the fangs as they're meant to be used!!) didn't. Boo.

(Obi-wan is wondering why Alpha-17 and Anakin don't get along better because they have startlingly similar reactions to learning about his species)

#Dripping stardust #obi wan kenobi #alpha 17 #star wars #Also Obi-wan bonding with Ahsoka about being predators and Anakin pouting in the background #He's literally the child of the Force! How come HE doesn't gets cool fangs or claws? >:(

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starstruckmoony · 10 months

Text

style.

masterlist

pairing - sirius black x fem!reader

summary - you and sirius start dating after accidentally running into each other at a concert but confirm nothing (till now), just to watch everyone lose their shit online.

trope/tags - band/celeb!au, instagram/social media!au, modern!au, fluff, terrible humour

word count - 1k

warnings - language

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

yourusername added to their story

starmanblack

❤ liked by yourusername, ev.rosier, marymacdonald and 856,327 others

starmanblack shades

26,013 comments

yourusername cigarette*

starmanblack ok duolingo

yourusername smash tbh

starmanblack not you copying my comment

yourusername i don't have the rizz it takes to come up with something original

starmanblack ain't no way you just said that

prongsyboy stop stealing people's glasses 😤

starmanblack never

vance_emm i'm like ragingly gay but you're kinda cute

starmanblack this is why you're my favourite lesbian

mmmckinnon TRAITOR

mmmckinnon it's not too late to delete this

starmanblack get out of my comment section

user828181 address the rumours sirius

user000423 run me over with your car i promise i'll pay for the damages 🙏

user627477 YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN US ANY ANSWERS

user999653 i'm perfect wife material, just saying

user424227 y'all realise that he's less likely to address the rumours if we keep being annoying 💀

user209996 nah fr he's gonna start hating us all

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, prongsyboy, pandorasbox and 899,997 others

yourusername never would have though that my shows in dublin would be the craziest ones out of all but you guys actually delivered and i couldn't be happier! 💕 these past three nights were absolutely insane and i can't wait to be back (and i may or may not have already booked a few venues 😩) PLUS someone got proposed AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE 😭 so if any of you beautiful people who were there have the video my dms are open for business lmao 🙏💞

tagged ev.rosier

27,664 comments

starmanblack apparently the proposal happened right next to me 💀

yourusername BABE HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE?

starmanblack CAUSE YOU WERE BETTER THAN THE PROPOSAL

starmanblack my guitar ate as always

yourusername she's even signed 😱

starmanblack slay 😝

yourusername GO TO SLEEP OMG

starmanblack say it to my face 😤

xeno_lovegood i had so much fun

yourusername i'm smiling so hard rn

pete__ sirius is a certified simp because how do you miss a proposal that's happening next to you?

mmmckinnon it's because he's both sirius and a simp petey

prongsyboy sirius doing sirius things 🤣

user552520 dunno bout y'all but i got my confirmation tonight

user073789 YOU WERE SO GOOD OH MY GOD

user843632 i'm so lonely the proposal made me cry

user439546 love me some sappy shit fr

user674848 this was un fucking real no joke

user993455 SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE RUMOURS I'M BEGGING

user200017 learn to read between the lines lol

starmanblack added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, bellatrixieb, cissy_blck and 901,077 others

yourusername date night ⭐

29,208 comments

starmanblack pretty dress

yourusername why thank you

starmanblack my stomach feels funny from all that wine

yourusername my precious toilet 😭

marymacdonald gorgeous!!!

yourusername i was impersonating you

vance_emm AND SHE SAYS SHE HAS NO RIZZ

ev.rosier am i about to get fired?

yourusername of course not, you're my second favourite person

starmanblack i'm first

pandorasbox my friends are all so beautiful 🥺

yourusername us hot people stick together 😌

pandorasbox ONG

user329295 sirius is so lucky

user400128 i've never been more jealous of a man

user006272 IS THIS OUR CONFIRMATION?

user883265 mother is mothering

user306084 THE STAR

user243123 if this is another sike istg

user727211 I THINK IT'S NOT A DRILL ANYMORE

user492932 Y/N WE JUST NEED A SIMPLE YES OR NO DON'T DO THIS TO US

starmanblack

❤ liked by mmmckinnon, ev.rosier, casmeadowes and 916,222 others

starmanblack platonic snog

36,775 comments

yourusername people just don't appreciate friendships nowadays 🙄

starmanblack it's just so so sad 😣

yourusername i have better photos of us 👹

starmanblack strongly disagree

yourusername you don't wanna make this a competition

marymacdonald my mum said friends don't do that

starmanblack mama macdonald may be onto something

r.a.black affection 🤮

starmanblack i thought you unfollowed me?

r.a.black i did but i like lurking around here

starmanblack fan behaviour

rjlupin best friend things

prongsyboy HEY I'M HIS BEST FRIEND

rjlupin you were supposed to play along

user020226 MOTHER OF GOD IS THIS REAL

user366232 HDJQJDJQDJQ MY DELUSIONS WEREN'T DELUSIONS

user500447 you still need therapy

user432777 AIN'T NO WAY

user718710 I DIED DEAD.

user907015 GADHQHDQUDJQXJQDJQ I CAN'T FUCKING CATCH MY BREATH

user138282 are you still alive?

user907015 NO

user882446 this and platonic don't go together sirius 🙄

yourusername

❤ liked by walburgablack, cissy_blck, bellatrixieb and 933,052

yourusername pda is afraid of him

39,457 comments

starmanblack FINE you have better photos

yourusername see? that wasn't so hard to admit!

starmanblack i actually won in life

yourusername damn right you did

starmanblack celeb_gossip losing their minds rn

yourusername the kettle is B R E W I N G 🥵🫖🤩👀😳☕😝😻

bartyyy I KNEW BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE HAHA

yourusername well you're the favourite child...

lily_evans kinda illegal how you're both so hot

casmeadowes i've been saying!!!

cissy_blck REG'S SISTER IN LAW 😭

bellatrixieb he's one lucky man

r.a.black lucky isn't exactly the right word but okay

user737729 OH MY FUCKING SHIT

user632444 MY ACTUAL PARENTS

user536272 NOT ME NOT BEING DELULU

user292920 swifities can't relate

user155161 WALBURGA LIKED THIS HELP ME

user993929 narcissa is so real LMFAOOO

user032386 THAT SHOULD BE ME (idk which person i want to be more)

starmanblack added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by cissy_blck, luciussy, bartyyy and 942,773 others

yourusername happy birthday to this idiot who i unfortunately love very much 💕

tagged starmanblack

30,033 comments

starmanblack tragic how i love you back

yourusername absolutely

starmanblack rizz god since 12

yourusername are you still 12?

lily_evans got me tearing up over here

yourusername awwww 🥺

rjlupin you should have used that one photo where he was on the potty

starmanblack WHY ARE YOU LETTING THEM KNOW THAT EXISTS?

rjlupin denying it would have worked yk

casmeadowes i woke up to this 💀

starmanblack good

mmmckinnon mondays.

user939355 THE CAT

user019661 i'm making this my profile picture

user763772 tell him i said happy birthday

user195666 imagine having someone say they love you so publicly ha ha ha ha ha

user244488 fuck being single fr

user328911 NO BUT THIS IS KINDA CUTE 😭

yourusername added to their story

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u3pxx · 4 months

Text

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S 2024?!?!

next, you're gonna tell me it's gonna be some made-up year like "2025" next. tch, imagine that.

anyways, whoo! 2023! compared to both 2022 and 2021, i gotta say, my art style took a hard swerve in some direction this year. i mean, look at that klavier from january and that butch kim from just this december! (granted, i heavily referenced the portrait of butch kim but still, i didn't use to paint! mama mia!)

---

the way i drew faces has definitely changed, that's what i get for getting into something that's live-action and into smth that has realistically proportioned art lol

OH! OH! HOW COULD I FORGET!!! IT WAS (and still will be) THE YEAR OF THE OLD MAN!! i really learned how to draw aged faces this year! ach fraulein, i have not stopped drawing people in their 40's-50's! i would say "send help" but i'm actually having a lot of fun ASKSKS

---

i think a funny thing about these art summaries i've done is that they're mostly ace attorney but then there's just a month where i become a different type of ill LMAO this year it was four months for the price of two new interests!

cheers! here's to 2024!!! hope y'all have a fun art year!!!!

---

i'm gonna ramble more below about like, other art things i did this year but i'm gonna put it under 'keep reading' bc this baby is getting way too wordy now WHEEZES

1. FAVORITE THINGS I'VE DRAWN THIS YEAR (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

⚖️ mea culpa comic [x]

drawing this one was so time-consuming and ambitious but boy, do i love the end result! i had fun doing the inks for this one but was it a lot! i usually color in lineart and render everything but i had to stop myself from doing it for this one bc man, i'll die asksks

this also has some of my favorite apollos i've drawn, definitely

also! the part about the lineart not being colored and no rendering ended up being a deliberate stylistic choice for this one bc i had like more freedom to do just shadows with inks without it looking too out of place.

💐 my lawfully wedded zine spread [x]

now this one isn't out yet but take my word for when i say that this is one of the most craxy things i've ever drawn for this year, on account of drawing a comic AND group shot all in one!

also literally one of the prettiest things i've rendered this year, lookit that klav...

🎉 aa4 redraw - 2022 anniversary [x]

kind of like my wedding zine piece, group photos are insane, and rendering like uhhh [looks at drawing] 11 CHARACTERS IS ALSO INSANE if i try and draw a group photo again you have to stop me DFGHDJ

🎨 my art fight stuff [x] [x]

was possessed in the month of july or smth bc i pumped out like how many drawings so quickly (before i got burnt out that is pftt)

pace yourselves and don't be like me pls ajshgdghhjk

💥 people park day [x]

my friend told me that it was very obvious i watched across the spiderverse when they saw this FDFGHJD

but yea! this is when i started getting really into like, thought bubbles or just like, panels or drawings within a drawing when coming up with layouts

i still love the colors on this one...

🪩 fem disco portraits

ok so i haven't uploaded these yet but you have to trust me when i say that something was in the water DFGHDJ

who knew that all it took for me to learn how to paint was butches

2. ALSO DID YOU KNOW THAT I SOLD STICKERS THIS YEAR IN OUR UNI'S ART MART?

THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THAT SCHOOL I SWEAR PFTTT this experience has also awaken the merch beast in me and i need to make more physical things for my brain to be happy, that's just how it be pfttt

hopefully next year i can actually start like a shopee shop or whatever lmao

3. ART FIGHT

i'm actually quite happy i got to participate in art fight this year! very delighted for all the art i've gotten and very fun to have drawn for others too!!

4. ZINES

i got invited and joined so many zines from 2022 continuing to 2023 that i kind of got burnt out from participating for now ngl ASKSKSKS not gonna be joining much this year oopsiessss! (unless i lose self-control [very likely])

5. SCHOOL

i don't actually like a lot of the stuff i draw for art school bc i tend to cram and not have fun pftt <- adhd moment, tragic! but here are some that i actually kind of like lol

6. THAT'S IT!

i think that's it! thanks for reading all the way down here!! o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

#art summary #art summary 2023 #sunnysidedraws #sunnysiderambles

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sh00kspeared · 1 month

Text

Can we talk about Johnny's bi erasure in-game? Because really, it makes me kinda mad.

Now, I'm not the kind of person who shouts 'homophobia' at everything because it's just not my way of things... but the amount that Johnny's attraction to men has been completely shafted throughout the game is really a disservice to him and to all the people who ship their male characters with him. A few examples:

Cutting or making really hard to trigger the line where Johnny says he got a lap dance from a man at a gay strip club (I've seen some people claim they experienced it, which is why I think it may still be in the game)

Johnny saying he didn't sleep with Kerry because he had a dick despite the official, director-sanctioned game guide saying that he did.

Johnny telling female V that the two are arguing "like an old married couple", yet telling male V that they're arguing "like two geezers on a park bench." (Johnny's definitely not the kind of guy to change his language depending on the gender of person he's with).

Never, ever alluding to any of his flings with male characters outside of the strip club line despite him saying that he did swing both ways now and then.

Now, why do I care so much about this? Because it's really sparked more debate than necessary. This post got hate for making him "gay" Cyberpunk 2077 on X: "Johnny Silverhand 🎤 Art by: @painperdues https://t.co/ABiBzSCZvm" / X (twitter.com) and so did this one Cyberpunk 2077 on X: "V and Johnny, Johnny and V… By: @hanbyeo0526 https://t.co/JlGNBmRYJH" / X (twitter.com) (I believe some of the comments have been deleted since because I don't see a lot of the meanest ones there anymore). Mind you, after the latter was posted, a fem V x Johnny post was made not too long afterward and it got markedly fewer hate comments. Also, funny story, my old male V x Johnny post is the third most controversial post of all time on r/lowsodiumcyberpunk at the moment (please go downvote it if possible; I wanna be first again lmao /hj).

But, all this to say, much of the playerbase sees Johnny as an alpha straight manly man when he's... well... not. While many people including me assume that the choice to keep his bisexuality under wraps is due to his addled memory in Mikoshi misremembering the fact that he canonically slept with Kerry, I just think this is a really odd thing to use to demonstrate that. Of all the things the devs could've chosen to display this, they chose one of the things that is most likely to get male V x Johnny shippers belittled and seen as the 'lesser' version of the ship for just existing.

They chose to erase a massive part of Johnny's identity, either to prove the point of his memories being addled or because they were scared of backlash. I just don't see how it would've been so hard for him to allude to some of his male flings more often, make the dicky twister line easier to trigger, and just not have him say that he didn't sleep with kerry because he had a dick. Ffs CDPR, stop being so dodgy your bi characters' identities.

#tw vent #tw rant #cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #silverv

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yeowangies · 1 year

Text

Want You

❧

PAIRING: Vegeta/Reader RATING: Explicit CONTENTS: Explicit sexual content, loss of virginity. WARNINGS: A little questionable behaviour on both parts, mainly Vegeta, but nothing too intense (I guess). WORDCOUNT: 7215

Summary:

Vegeta looked bewildered when you kissed him, and stunned when you touched him a little lower than usual. You would have associated the blush on his face to his shyness, but now you’re starting to think he isn’t just shy around women. And his kiss had felt… inexperienced.

No way. Vegeta is a virgin.

Notes:

Tumblr found out about virgin!Vegeta, a lot of great fic authors gave their takes, and now it's my turn. Can yall believe this fic was initially 4k words?

I kinda mixed this with Yandere!Vegeta but it's very light, it's just a little questionable but nothing too heavy lmao. This fic technically takes place in the three year gap but I don't think I made the Vegeta during that time period justice, so...

Songs that inspired me: LOL and I Got Love, both by Taeyeon.

@dreadsuitsamus @carnal-lnstinct (and thank you for helping me with a few ideas @vegeta-bananabluish)

Vegeta being Bulma’s new houseguest caught your attention from the very first moment. You don’t judge her at all, but she used to be terrified of the Saiyans when they arrived, first Raditz, then Nappa and Vegeta, so you didn’t expect her to invite one of them to stay over at her house. It also surprised you that he voluntarily stayed.

Most of the time, he spends his day training in the gravity room Bulma had built, so you rarely even see him when you go to stay at her house. But when he stops his training and actually steps out in public to eat, or for whatever reason, you cannot help but stare a little too long. Are all Saiyans this attractive? Goku certainly is, and so was his brother and even Nappa. But Vegeta has a different kind of charm, like it would hurt to even touch him with his palpable ‘rough around the edges’ attitude.

It amuses you to no end to watch Bulma tease Vegeta whenever you’re around, because that’s when his walls come down a little. He looks so incredibly flustered when he hears a comment that’s remotely suggestive. Who would have thought that such a regal, proud man would seem like such a prude? Bulma wasn’t even being her most vulgar self most of the time, that would have surely scared him off forever.

You can’t help but want to tease him a little as well whenever you see him, just to see his reaction. And you try to do it, one time when you’re in the kitchen and he just happens to walk in, obviously looking for food to replenish his energy after his training.

“Hey, Vegeta.” You singsong as soon as you see him. Vegeta only grunts, not even looking your way as he heads towards the fridge. “Whatcha doing?”

“Don’t you have eyes?” He retorts with spite.

“Are you gonna keep training after this?” You ask, ignoring the rudeness in his tone.

“Obviously.”

“You should relax a little.” Vegeta looks at you then for a brief second before carrying an insane amount of food to the table. He doesn’t actually reply, so you go on. “Your body needs to recover, especially after training as hard as you do.”

He starts eating without acknowledging your words, and you pout angrily. It’s not the first time he ignores you, so you let it go, focusing on watching him eat instead. Being a Saiyan, he eats as if he had been starving for weeks, though he does it with slightly better manners than Goku. It still entertains you enough to watch him gulp down entire plates as if it’s nothing.

“Why do you keep staring at me, woman?!” Vegeta suddenly yells, startling you.

“Well, I… You eat as if you haven’t eaten in ten years, and it’s funny…” You offer him a small smile, but he only scoffs in response. “Besides, you’re really handsome too.”

Vegeta visibly tenses, and the tip of his ears get red instantly. You smile, delighted by his instant reaction to such a small, innocent comment.

“Your race is so distasteful, I can’t stand it.” He mutters mostly to himself, but you heard him loud and clear, and it only makes you giggle. He seems ready to insult you directly when you do it, but he winces suddenly, and you know it’s not because of you.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt somewhere?”

When you stand from your seat and approach Vegeta, reaching your hands towards his shoulder, the place where he seems to be hurting, he slaps your hands away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Vegeta, if you’re hurt, you should really take it easy-”

“What the fuck do you know? If I don’t train, your mudball of a planet is doomed.” He spits before swallowing down the rest of his food in one go. “I don’t need your help.”

You glare at him, but when he hurriedly walks out the kitchen, you let him go.

The next time you see him, he is, for the umpteenth time, resting in one of Bulma’s medical rooms.

“I told you you should take it easy.” You say when you walk into his room. Vegeta groans when he sees you, obviously not too pleased to hear an ‘I told you so’. “I brought you dinner, by the way.”

You leave the capsule full of food by the nightstand; it is easier to carry an insane amount of food that way. Vegeta doesn’t even look at you when you take a seat by his bed, and he looks nervous that you’re even there, for whatever reason.

“I’m supposed to check on your bandages, you know.”

“I don’t need your help, woman.” You roll your eyes, sitting on the bed this time and startling Vegeta, making him sit up abruptly. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

“I’m gonna change your bandages, idiot!”

“Don’t you dare-”

You’re not really paying attention to his words as you lean over his body, removing the sheets down to his thighs as you reach for the bandages on his torso. Before you can even touch him, his hands wrap around your wrist, tightly, making you wince.

“I told you not to touch me!”

“Why are you so stubborn?! I need to check your injuries!”

His hold on your arms gets even stronger, and you whine loudly, because it’s starting to actually hurt. Vegeta lets you go, to your surprise, but he doesn’t look any less sorry for hurting you.

“I’m just trying to help you, Vegeta.”

You glare at him, and he returns the same look as he locks eyes with you. You attempt to reach for his bandages on his chest again, and he lets you this time, remaining silent as you get rid of the old material and replace it with new bandages. His eyes are fixed on your every move, and it feels like he’s burning holes right through you.

The next few days, when you check up on Vegeta again, he doesn’t protest when it’s time to change his dressings. What you do notice is his cheeks getting a little pink when your fingers linger a little too long on his abdomen. Your touch is not exactly accidental; you had been ogling him way too much before this incident, and now you could touch him. It’s not like you’re touching anywhere private anyway, so you let your fingertips drag a little down his stomach before pulling away.

“I know what you’re doing, woman.” Vegeta suddenly says as you finish wrapping up his bandages.

“Helping you heal?” You remark, snarky.

“Crossing dangerous lines with your hands.”

“Oh?” You smile knowingly, leaning a bit closer to his face.

You’re playing with fire, you know it quite well, especially because this guy could literally obliterate you in a second. But the red color on his cheeks encourage you, especially as he keeps getting redder the more you lean towards him.

“Should I stop?” You ask him in a low voice, one of your hands slowly trailing down his abdomen.

Vegeta actually looks frightened, with eyes opened wide when he slaps your hand away, but he doesn’t actually speak. You know you must look surprised yourself that he had pushed you away like that (and harder than you expected him too), but he hasn’t actually told you to stop.

Your hand reaches for the sheet covering his lap this time, carefully just in case he slaps it away again, which you would take as a definite sign to stop. He doesn’t move at all when you slowly drag the sheet down, and when you look down, you finally understand why he’s so flustered this time.

He has an erection. Simply because you have touched him.

It must be obvious how startled you look to find his hard-on straining his boxers, especially because Vegeta pulls at the sheets to cover himself after a moment. You stop him, putting your hand over his as you lock eyes with him again. He’s still very red, but if anything he also looks a little ashamed. It works well for you that he hasn’t tried to kill you yet; but now that you’ve seen this, you can’t deny that you want to have a little taste.

Trying to ease him into the plan you have in mind, you lean closer once again, stopping when your face is only an inch away from his. He doesn’t push you away or even move. Closing the space between you, you press your lips to his in a small, innocent kiss. Vegeta keeps staring at you when you pull away, still taken aback, but no longer ashamed. There’s some kind of dark glint in his eyes that speaks a thousand words about how interested he is in your attention.

With a sudden hand on the back of your neck, he suddenly pulls you in for another kiss. A hungry, more urgent kiss, albeit a bit sloppy, as he just glides his lips over yours. You cup his cheek, humming when you slip your tongue inside his mouth, pleased when he mimics your moves.

Breaking the kiss, you pull away a little, giggling when Vegeta leans in again, expecting more. You rest your hands on his hips, slowly trailing them towards the hem of his underwear.

“I can help you relax, if you want.” You whisper, sliding your fingers down the fabric of his boxers.

“What a lewd woman you are…” Vegeta replies, his eyes just as intensely fixed on you as they have been the entire time before he captures your lips in another searing kiss, which you return just as hungrily.

Pushing down his underwear, you reach for his dick. His body tenses when you wrap your hand around it, and you make a surprised noise against his lips. You should have known how big he is with an attitude like that. You take your time stroking him without pulling away from his lips, delighted when he grunts into your mouth.

As you start pumping him, you pull away, licking your lips as you take in the sight of your hand wrapped around his length. Your fingers don’t even touch from how thick he is. You don’t want to waste any more time, so you shift on the bed to better position yourself before leaning down.

Vegeta practically screams when you wrap your lips around the head of his cock, and for a second you think you actually hurt him if it isn’t for the way his hips jerk upwards. Encouraged by the groans that leave his lips when you swirl your tongue around the tip, you slowly take more of him in, your lips descending around his length as you run your tongue on the underside. He grunts and gasps with every glide of your lips over his dick, and you’re so thrilled to actually hear those noises coming from Vegeta of all people, you can’t help but moan around him. His hips keep snapping into your mouth the more you take him, until finally the tip grazes your throat.

You try to hold him in place for a second before pulling back, letting him enjoy the wet warmth of your mouth, but his hips keep moving, seeking more friction. You try to speed up, bobbing your head up and down, pressing your tongue against his cock as you move. Vegeta curses under his breath constantly, in between groans, and when he gets louder, you know he’s about to come. Way faster than you expected, actually.

The head nudges the back of your throat as you eagerly suck, and that’s all it takes for him to come, his dick throbbing in your mouth as he spurts cum down your throat, forcing you to swallow. You do so, a little annoyed he hasn’t actually warned you, but you let him ride out his peak, his dick pumping into you until he suddenly stops.

Pulling away, you clear your throat, trying not to cough as you straighten up. Vegeta is still blushing, though you know it’s from the strain of your ministrations rather than shyness. His eyes are unfocused, half-lidded, and sweat is adorning his forehead. Your chest swells with pride; you have reduced the Prince of all Saiyans to this flustered mess.

“Get out.”

Vegeta’s voice startles you, especially because he’s telling you to leave. You frown, opening your mouth to tell him that after what you’ve done, he should treat you nicely, but he speaks again.

“Get. Out.”

“You’re such a fucking jerk!” You manage after a minute of staring at each other angrily before getting off his bed and practically sprinting towards the door.

You feel a little humiliated as you walk away from his room as fast as you can. Your blowjob must have been good by how fast he came, you would have thought he would be nice afterwards. Return the favor, even.

Freezing on your spot in the middle of the hall, you gasp.

No way. Vegeta is a virgin.

The more you realize that’s surely the case, the more embarrassed you feel. If you had known that before, you would have been a little more delicate about it, though you doubt Vegeta would have wanted to admit he’s in fact a virgin. Moreover, if you confront him about it now, he still probably won’t admit it. You consider apologizing for coming off so strongly, but you don’t want him to get mad at you for implying he’s inexperienced. But why else would he have told you to get out like that, too?

You’re more convinced about it when a couple of days go by and you don’t even see Vegeta. At all. He hasn’t even healed yet, but he’s nowhere to be found inside the house, at least not when you go over to check on him. And the gravity room is turned on, you can hear the vibrating sounds it produces. You would smack him if you could, but you’re pretty sure he’s avoiding you.

To your amusement, he walks by the kitchen when you’re there one time, and he freezes the moment you lock eyes with him. For a second, you assume he’s going to flee, but he walks in, doing his best to ignore your presence. It’s both insulting yet hilarious; he seems like a teenager who’s trying very hard to ignore his crush. You’re not sure he has a crush on you, but he sure acts like he’s incredibly embarrassed about it.

Your embarrassment and need to apologize fade away pretty quickly with this attitude he has now.

“Are you gonna ignore me the whole time?” You ask him as he sits by the table to eat. He doesn’t reply. “After I gave you the best blowjob of your life?”

You laugh when he sputters, spitting all the food he had in his mouth.

“You little vulgar woman!” He retorts, face red from both choking on food and from embarrassment.

“Oh, shut up, you liked it.”

“I-I- How dare you?!”

“How dare I? After you kicked me out of your room like that?”

“I don’t need to explain myself to a human like you.”

“I suppose you don’t,” You stand up from your seat, a little more angry than you’d like to admit. “But I would assume a prince would be a little more considerate, especially because I wouldn’t mind doing more things like that in the future.”

Vegeta gapes at you as you walk out the kitchen.

His attitude towards you doesn’t seem to change, he still avoids you whenever you’re at Capsule Corp. And you’re pissed, initially, but as days go by, you simply get used to the idea that he probably didn’t even want what you did to him in that room. Maybe he doesn’t even like you enough. You feel insulted, but you can’t blame him.

You were expecting more, though, so you do feel a little disappointed.

You run into Vegeta occasionally, mostly when you’re in the kitchen, and he keeps ignoring you, but you can feel his eyes on you as you move around. Neither of you speak to each other, and you’re getting used to the silence. But his eyes feel like they are burning holes right through you. And the more you get used to that feeling of being constantly watched, you start to feel like that in other moments throughout the day. Like when you’re in Bulma’s garden, or in her lab, helping her with whatever she needs.

It starts to get a little uncomfortable when you feel it as you walk back to your own house.

You aren’t sure if what you’re sensing is Vegeta’s eyes on you, but it certainly feels that way; after all, you don’t feel ki like the rest of your friends do. But if this is him you’re feeling nearby, then what the fuck is he doing?

“Vegeta,” You call for him one day when he walks by the living room in Capsule Corp. He stops in his tracks and looks at you without uttering a single word. “Are you stalking me?”

He freezes in his spot, and he looks at you with wide eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because I feel your eyes on me wherever I go.” Vegeta frowns, his fists clenching on his side. “If it’s not you, then I guess I have another stalker.”

“Stupid woman…” He mutters, and you roll your eyes.

“Vegeta, as a woman, I know when someone is following me.”

“What does gender have to do with that?!”

“It’s gonna take a while to explain.” You thinned your lips, looking him over. He looks slightly embarrassed, and you have to remind yourself that he’s an alien. You’re not sure why he would follow you around like that, or if this attitude has anything to do with misogyny. But you’re going to have to drag this out of him, especially if you want to know why. “Vegeta, I’m not mad at you, but… I just wanna know.”

He doesn’t reply, averting his eyes towards the nearest wall. You sigh. Maybe you are a little annoyed.

“Fine. Whenever you wanna talk, I’m sure you can find me.” You tell him, passing by him as you walk out the room.

You don’t think he would want to talk to you at all, at least not any time soon. So you’re surprised that night, when you’re about to walk into your own house to hear his voice right behind you, calling your name. You yell instinctively, startled, and turn around to slap your attacker, only to find yourself face to face with Vegeta.

“Relax, woman, it’s me.” He says, with a little amusement in his voice. Your hand has actually collided with his face, but he seems unfazed.

“Fuck, why did you scare me like that?! And what is your face made of?!” Your hand tingles; it feels as if you had hit a rock.

Vegeta chuckles when you hold your hand tightly to your chest. It makes your heart flutter to actually see him entertained by something, even if that something is you being in pain.

“Are you going to walk in?” He asks after a moment of silence.

You nod wordlessly, opening your front door before walking in with Vegeta trailing behind you. Your place is not nearly as huge as Bulma’s home, but it’s enough space for you, the living room and kitchen being more than enough for you to feel comfortable if you want to have people over.

“Your house is small.” Vegeta comments.

“More like, Bulma’s place is enormous.” You scoff. Leaving your bag on the couch, you turn to face him, trying not to show that you’re a little mad at his attitude. “Well? Have you or have you not been following me around these last few days?”

His shoulders tense visibly as his gaze connects with yours.

“I have been… following you.”

“Why?!”

Vegeta crosses his arms in front of his chest, but he doesn’t look as arrogant when he does it as he normally would; he actually looks wary.

“Isn’t that what human women like?” He asks with a slight edge on his voice.

“...What?” You stare at him, confused, as he turns his gaze towards the side, his cheeks flushing a light pink. You’re not exactly sure what he means, so you don’t even know how you should react.

“I’ve been watching those things you humans have on TV.” He says after a while, still avoiding your eyes.

“Huh?”

“You heard me!”

“I… I still don’t understand…”

Vegeta growls, brows furrowed and shoulders tensing even more as his eyes finally lock with yours.

“Human females like to be followed around, don’t they?! That’s what the TV showed!”

“I… Hold on, you’ve been following me because you think I like that?!”

Vegeta nods, and you look at him, bewildered and surprised, and a lot of other emotions at once. He has been following because he thought you like that. You have to briefly wonder what kind of shows he's been watching to get to that conclusion, but you also wonder why he would do something that he thought you might like to begin with.

“Ok, we have a lot to unpack here.” You say, taking a seat by the kitchen table. “I don’t know what you’ve been watching, but… women don’t like stalkers, okay?”

“Then why-”

“I can’t explain the entire human history to you right now, but trust me on this, okay?”

Vegeta looks at you, confused and with his brow still furrowed, but doesn’t argue. You try to organize your thoughts before speaking again.

“I wasn’t trying to hide my presence when I followed you.” He says, interrupting your thinking process. “That’s why you could feel I was watching you.”

“...Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Maybe to you, but I need you to say it. Especially after you stalked me for days.”

Vegeta groans, fidgeting in his spot and looking around the room to avoid your eyes.

“I was trying to court you…” His gaze finally meets yours, and you smile.

“Wow, did you like the blowjob I gave you that much?”

“You-you indecent little-”

You snicker when his entire face turns red for the umpteenth time. Half the time you have seen Vegeta, his face seems to be permanently red, and it’s all thanks to you.

“Vegeta, I told you that if you were nice to me, we could have done something like that again.”

“That-that’s what I was trying to do!”

“Oh…” You can’t help the smile slowly growing on your lips. “So, that was courting for you?”

He nods again, his eyes gauging your demeanor.

“How do Saiyans court, normally?” When Vegeta looks at you with a knowing gleam in his eyes, you scoff. “Oh, don’t tell me you fight people you wanna have sex with.”

“That’s exactly what we do.”

“I see, I guess that’s why you looked so terrified when I got close to you.”

“You silly woman, I was not terrified of you!”

You snicker when he yells at you, obviously nervous about the tone of this conversation.

“Then what was it?”

“I had no idea human females were so… forward.”

“Is that bad?”

“...No.” Vegeta seems genuine when he answers, so you don’t question him anymore. “Do you do those kinds of activities with other men?”

“What? No, of course not!” When he keeps staring at you, you feel the need to clarify. “I mean, only with the ones I like…?”

When Vegeta smirks, you feel your face heat up. If how much you were attracted to him wasn’t obvious before, it is now. As if you going down on him wasn’t enough of a sign. You stare at him as he approaches you, freezing on the spot as he leans down and puts his hands on the top rail of your chair, effectively caging you there. You wait for him to get even closer, to kiss you even, but he remains unmoved, his eyes fixed on your face.

“I don’t get it,” You start, licking your lips as you take a quick glance at his. “If fighting is how you pursue someone, then…”

“The fight isn’t always physical.”

“Oh…” You smile, slowly putting your hands on his shoulders. “I should argue harder, then?”

“I do like it when you argue with me.” He says, smirking.

Vegeta kisses you decidedly on the lips, one of his hands reaching for your cheek to cup your face. It surprises you that he would kiss you first, but he did say he has watched some TV shows, and the way his lips are gliding over yours seem enough proof that he had even been paying attention to this as well. This is softer and more sensual than the frantic kisses you exchanged the first time, and it warms your heart that he’s kissing you like this.

“Vegeta,” You whisper, pulling away to catch your breath. “Is this the first time you’re doing something like this?”

His eyes are dark, but as those words left your lips, he seems annoyed. You confirm it when he suddenly pulls away.

“Wait,” You grab his arm to keep him in place. “There’s nothing wrong with that! But…”

“But what?” He growls.

“I would have done things differently?”

He keeps his gaze focused on you, and as seconds pass by, you’re pretty sure he’s going to leave.

“Do you want me, Vegeta?” He doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t pull away from your touch either. Sliding your hand up his arm, you gently stroke his bicep, trying to be as comforting as you can. “I want you. I meant it when I said I want to do this with you.”

You trail your hand down his abdomen, stopping at the hem of his pants to emphasize your point.

“Tell me you want me… and I’ll show you some things.”

Vegeta eyes you intensely before he abruptly grabs both of your hands to pull you upwards, making you yelp as you stand up.

“I want you, you insufferable brat.”

You chuckle quietly as he leans in to capture your lips in a fiery, heated kiss. The more you kiss, the more unabashed he becomes about exploring your mouth and your body, his hands letting go of yours to wrap themselves around your waist. You hum contently, sneaking your arms around his shoulders and kissing him back just as hungrily.

In a matter of seconds, you feel his erection pressed insistently to your stomach, almost begging for attention. You step backwards a little, his grip on your body not letting you move much, but he seems to understand your reasoning. You guide him as best you can to your room without breaking the kiss, until the back of your knees touch your bed.

Vegeta pulls away first, practically pushing you down on the mattress as he stares down at you like a predator. You’re not entirely sure how much Vegeta knows about sex, and by the way he reacted before, you’re not going to test your luck and ask him now, not when you’re so close to being able to freely touch and please him. But he’s staring at you like he’s expecting something, so you open your mouth to nicely ask him if he knows what comes next, but he talks first.

“Use your mouth, like you did before.”

“Excuse me?” You quirk an eyebrow, staring at him incredulously.

“You heard me.” Vegeta says, looking as arrogant as ever.

“What’s the magic word?” You singsong, grinning widely. When he looks at you, confused, you clarify. “If you say ‘please’, I’ll do it.”

He growls quietly, seemingly considering not even doing it, but to your amusement, he does.

“Please.” He mutters quietly, momentarily glaring at you.

You keep smiling as you reach for his hand, gesturing for him to sit down on the bed next to you. When he does, you kiss him, tugging at his shirt to get it off him, only breaking the kiss when he pulls it up his arms.

It’s your intention to take things a little slow as compared to that first time, especially knowing that Vegeta is inexperienced when it comes to intimacy. You can show him how nice it is when foreplay is done right, so you aim to please, one of your hands sneaking towards the front of his pants to stroke him. He grunts, hips jerking into your touch as you trail your lips down his neck.

Vegeta is more impatient than you expect, as he suddenly slaps your hand away to pull down his skin tight pants. His dick bounces when he pushes down his underwear, and your conviction wavers; foreplay is important and all, but you want him in your mouth again. You wrap your hand around it, stroking it gently as you lick up his neck, softly nipping at his jaw, pleased to hear him groan when you do it.

One of his hands finds your shirt, pulling it swiftly off you, leaving you in your bra and pants. He stares at you as you stand up before sinking to the floor right in between his legs, moving your hands over his thighs. He shudders, his eyes threatening to close the closer you get to his erection. He groans loudly when you dart out your tongue and run it up his length before flicking it over the tip. Thrilled by his reaction, you smile cheekily at him before wrapping your lips around the head of his cock.

Vegeta is loud as you move your mouth and tongue over his dick, just as loud as he was the first time, and it sets fire to your insides knowing that you’re the one making him do all those wonderful noises. It takes you a couple of moves to get him to fully fit inside your mouth, but when the tip hits the back of your throat, he growls almost desperately. One of his hands finds your head, fingers threading through your hair and pushing you down for a moment before he lets you go. You don’t complain, only pulling back before bobbing your head up and down. You write a mental note to remind him not to push you too hard.

When his hips start snapping with urgency, and his groans get even louder, you recognize that he’s close to an orgasm. Keeping things slow, sliding your lips back towards the tip, you consider pulling away altogether. If he comes now, you’re going to have to wait for your turn. You don’t get to decide when he suddenly thrusts into your mouth, once again the tip grazing your throat, and he comes, gasping and spilling his load, making you swallow.

You pull away with a wet pop once his hips stop moving, steading yourself with your hands on his thighs. The sight of Vegeta post orgasm is truly something to behold; he’s panting and looking at you almost enamored, which you understand, considering this is only the second time he’s received a blowjob.

As soon as you stand up to get on the bed, his hands are on your hips, pulling down your pants and underwear in one move. You yelp as he basically throws you on the bed, crawling on top of you less than a second later. He’s staring at you carefully, taking in the sight of your body, and you take the opportunity to do the same. You can’t believe the fact that this man, currently naked on top of you, is going to be intimate for the first time in his life with you. His body looks like it’s been sculpted by Michelangelo himself, with skin surprisingly soft, you notice as you run your hands down his chest, despite his many scars. Surely he must have had plenty of chances to be with whoever he wanted in the past. Though it suddenly dwells on you that he might not even have had the chance, being under the control of a space tyrant and all.

Pushing your thoughts away, you notice Vegeta is staring at your chest, your bra the only piece of clothing still on your body. You move to take it off just as his hand reaches for one of your breasts, groping it gently once you’re fully naked. You choke back a gasp when his thumb brushes your nipple experimentally.

“Do you like that?” He asks, genuinely curious.

“Yeah…”

Vegeta hums in acknowledgement, once again running his finger over your nipple with a little more pressure. You don’t try to hide your moan this time, arching into his touch when he squeezed your flesh. His hand trails lower then, skimming down your waist and hip, caressing your body until he reaches your thigh. You have spreaded your legs a little to accommodate him when he got on top of you, so he could clearly see your entrance.

Sitting back, his hands spread your legs even more, exposing more of your sex to him, and you have to fight the urge to cover your face. You don’t mind that he looks at you, but this feels scrutinizing the more he stares. He swipes his thumb over your slit, making you flinch when he grazes your clit. He repeats the same action, this time with his eyes lingering on your face as he moves his finger over your sensitive skin, and you gasp when he touches your clit again.

Smirking as if he has found the secret to immortality, Vegeta runs two fingers up and down your entrance before pressing his thumb to your clit, purposely rubbing it. You can’t help the sounds spilling from your lips as he stimulates you with obvious intent, gripping the sheets tightly to anchor yourself. Your hips stutter when he suddenly presses two fingers, slowly sliding them inside you as you moan loudly. Despite his smug look, he’s handling you with extreme care, carefully gliding his fingers in and out of you.

For someone who was obviously naive when it comes to intimacy, it sure seems like he knows what he’s doing, especially when he presses his thumb to your clit again, moving it in time with the digits inside you. You only wish he would kiss you, but he looks content, staring down at you with dark hungry eyes as he pleasures you.

You’re not sure if Vegeta can read your mind, but he leans down, capturing your lips in a sloppy kiss before pressing his lips down your neck. When he nibbles your jaw, you realize he is imitating what you did to him earlier.

You frown, a little confused, when you hear him taking a deep breath against the skin of your neck.

“Did you just sniff me?” You ask, moaning at the end when his fingers curl inside you.

“You smell pleasant.” Vegeta murmured into your ear.

“It-it’s the perfume…”

“No, it’s not that artificial scent you put on. You smell pleasant.”

You’re left speechless when his fingers start moving faster inside you. You mewl, wrapping your arms around his neck to keep him close, and you gasp, surprised, when you notice his dick poking your stomach. You weren’t paying attention so you don’t know when he got his renewed erection, but you’re eager to have him inside you now that he’s available.

“Vegeta…” You moan, holding onto him tighter as he mouths at your neck. “Stop teasing me…”

“Aren’t you enjoying yourself?” He chuckles against your skin.

“I- Yes, but… I’m ready for you, ah!”

He turns to the side to kiss your lips, swallowing down all your noises as his tongue slides into your mouth. You hum, clinging to him desperately as his fingers keep touching you just right, getting you closer and closer to edge.

“Vegeta!” You call for him again as your legs start twitching. “If you don’t stop… I’m gonna…”

Pulling away from you, Vegeta watches your face carefully as he keeps up his moves, his digits curling and stroking your insides insistently. You moan, throwing your head back and digging your nails into his shoulders. Your hips move against his hand, seeking more of him as you feel warmth suddenly spreading inside you. You come with a shaky moan, your body trembling underneath him as your mind turns blank.

As you come down from your high, his fingers slide out of you, and you watch him bring them close to his face. You gasp in horror and embarrassment when he licks your release off his digits, and he stares at you with a smile, obviously amused at your reaction. You don’t dare to say anything, and you’re glad his only response to your surprise is a smirk.

Vegeta shifts, sitting back to position himself better in between your legs as he guides his cock to your entrance. You put your hands on his shoulders, bracing yourself when you feel the head nudging your skin.

“Slow…” You instruct him, looking down at his impressive length so close to your core. He is big, and you’re not sure if you can handle someone with that size who also happens to be an alien with superhuman strength (who also happens to be a mass murderer, but you don’t want to go there).

“I will not hurt you.” Vegeta says, glancing at you. His voice is flat, but the look he gives you is comforting enough to know that his words are genuine.

A strangled groan escapes his lips when he pushes inside you, and if you didn’t know any better, you would assume he’s being tortured. You hiss, the stretch feeling too much at once, and he isn’t even fully sheathed yet. He remains still for a moment before moving again, pushing more inside you.

“Fuck…” Vegeta grunts, holding onto you so tightly you know there’s gonna be marks on your skin. “You’re so tight…”

Once he’s up to the hilt, you gasp, closing your eyes tightly. You have never felt this full before, and it aches, muscles you have never been aware of stretching to accommodate his cock. He remains surprisingly still as both of you get used to the sensation. It surprises you how considerate he’s being at the moment; he must want to relieve himself, but he’s looking at you, obviously noticing that you’re not fully comfortable yet, so he stays still.

You reach for him, with a hand on the back of his neck to bring him down for a needy kiss. He grunts into your mouth, kissing you back rather shallowly as you hold him close. Your body soon relaxes, and you tighten your legs around his waist, letting him know that you’re ready for him to move. He pulls away enough to watch as his cock slides out of you before thrusting back in slowly. You moan when the tip hits inside you, filling you up to the hilt once more, and his dark eyes fix on your face, checking your reaction to ensure he hasn’t hurt you.

Vegeta keeps a surprisingly slow pace, carefully gliding in and out of you, handling you with such care, you would have never thought he’s one of the most powerful beings on the planet. It’s fine at first, you’re also getting used to his cock and the stretch, after a while you need more.

“Vegeta, you can go a little faster…” You say, locking eyes with him.

He looks at you with curiosity when you move one of your legs to prop it up his shoulder. He seems impressed by your flexibility (though you know being on a bed is what helps), and he smirks in response, one of his hands holding tightly onto your thigh.

You whimper loudly when he starts thrusting into you with newfound vigor. You know he must be holding back his strength, but damn if it feels like he can already snap you in half with the pace he’s currently setting. The bed is creaking insistently with every move of his hips, the headboard hitting the wall up to the point you think it might break. But you really don’t care if the bed splits in half, or if the wall comes down; all you care about is Vegeta and his wonderful cock currently ramming into you as a tight familiar warmth starts blooming in your lower abdomen again.

For a long moment, you forget that this is actually Vegeta’s first time, especially with how good it feels to have him inside you. But his body starts to shudder, and with a couple of powerful thrusts that makes pleasure run through your veins, he comes. You get to see his face, fully contorted in bliss, brows furrowed and mouth hanging open as his cock pulses inside you, filling you up to the brim and making you moan. He growls as he pumps into you, riding out his orgasm before he finally comes to a stop.

He leans over you, burying his face in your neck, panting as he comes down from his peak. Your legs shiver slightly, feeling the weight of his body on top of you and twitching in response; you didn’t get to come this time and it feels a little uncomfortable, but you’re not mad. You take his effort into consideration, and he did make you come before, so you’re content.

When you run your hands up and down his back soothingly, you feel his muscles tense after a moment.

“You didn’t finish.” Vegeta says, pulling back to look at your face.

“...I didn’t, but that’s ok. It’s not always necessary-”

He pulls away from you altogether with an angry grunt, making you hiss when his dick slips out, and for a second you think he might even leave. It startles you when you feel he’s rubbing himself against your lower lips, grazing your clit and making your legs shudder.

“Are you telling me human men don’t care if their partner finishes?” Vegeta asks, almost annoyed.

“Well… some of them don’t…”

“Then what’s the point?”

“Um…” It’s getting harder to think as he keeps stroking himself against you, a few quiet noises escaping you as you try to find the words to speak. “Intimacy, I guess…?”

Vegeta tuts, and you gasp when you feel his cock nudging your entrance in what surely must be a record time. You look down to see for yourself, and you’re still stunned he got hard again, just minutes after he had come. Saiyan stamina sure is something insane.

“To be clear,” Vegeta starts as he slowly eases himself inside you again. “You will always finish when you’re with me.”

His words sound almost like a threat, but every thought effectively leaves your brain once he’s fully inside you, and you stutter a moan when he starts moving, that heat in your stomach steadily growing back up and turning your brain into jelly.

#dbz fanfiction #dbz fics #dbz imagine #vegeta x reader #vegeta x you #dragon ball z #dbz #vegeta #my writing

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