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#but i guess this just has been. bothering me for a while. buried somewhere in my mind
noxtivagus · 1 year
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SHADOWBRINGERS.... listening to the song again n oh god i love the lyrics so so much we r ignoring the fact that i have to wake up in like less than 4 hours
#🌙.vent#i just have 1 assignment due tmrrw n i don't want to do it :') like yeah i'm definitely still going to but. it's a letter to ourselves....#i write a lot to myself that is very much evident but it's so hard to actually organize it. & fuck too bcs it's due 10 pm later today#i hate doing things for the sake of academics. says me w my grades lmfao but despite how well i manage i really do hate the school system#i wanted to ramble abt ffxiv oh no i get so distracted when i start writing. but. god my mind rn i don't understand#🥹 this stupid mental block ???? w the break nearly ending there's sm more i have to do but i need to sleep . but not having this started is#messing me up sm rn. i want to put a lot of effort into it but i'm at a loss for words. i wrote some ideas days back but i've changed a bit#this moment ideally right now where i'm in a better mood than i have been for the past few days but not as brain empty#a balance of fiction and reality. enough to keep me not sad but enough to keep me stressed?#i would like to get it started now. i know i want to. but i can't. i just can't seem to. it's not lack of motivation right now. it's.#....maybe a fear? a fear that gives me some sort of mental block. because i really really want to at least start writing something but#i can't start. & goddamn this is not what i meant to write about i wanted to write of shadowbringers & maybe a little of today#but i guess this just has been. bothering me for a while. buried somewhere in my mind#i've been this age for like. more than a week now huh. it's daunting it's scary but i've always loved & sought the thrill of challenges. bu#alright i wasn't able to read anything i wanted to. nor did i watch as much as i would've liked. & i didn't really bond with my friends#save for texts here n then. talking in ffxiv w that one too. & that very one call on bday yh. & tumblr too ofc c: but i didn't do the schoo#stuff i wanted to do this break. but my rank in pjsekai's lowering. nor playing arknights/nier again yet. & fixing my sleep. but....#i didn't wake up any later than 4 pm. i went out for a walk earlier with apollo. i wrote asks to a friend here on tumblr. new books.#new game. plans to make an fc in ffxiv. i ate what i could. i got up even when it hurt. i'm playing gbf again. i'm rlly happy abt that#perhaps it's not enough for me. i can't get rid of my heavy regrets so easily. but acknowledging what i have done that was good enough#trying my best to be kind to myself in this moment even though i feel like crying. acknowledging my pain. maybe. maybe that's#i'm listening to ashes of dreams rn fuck i'm actually going to cry i think bulbel is next in my queue i#it hurts yes n i feel like crying right now but there's. this ache in my chest that replaced the cold emptiness earlier#maybe that's not a good thing uhh but the warmth. that warmth. i'm alive i'm real n there's a tomorrow n that's enough hope#it has to be. it fucking has to be. just. little steps. guide my own self slowly n softly like i do for others. i deserve that too.#i'll give it to myself. surely i must owe myself at least that much. being human comes with its many burdens but i don't need to be#so harsh to myself right? ironic saying that right now while i know there's something so dear to me i'm denying right now#it's like i'm a wilting flower fighting against time to stay alive. but the petals slowly decay n it gets colder the longer the dark night#would an outside light help the blossom find its own light? or would it make it disappear. i wonder#did the flower grow to be meant to be undeserving of such kindness? or are there thorns on its petals that serve as an unbeknownst barrier?
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arinbelle · 9 months
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Gentle
A/N: Happy Cassian Appreciation Week! It has been so long since I’ve posted anything and this fic sort of came to me unexpectedly. I really miss Nessian and I super, super miss the concept of them in Illyria with Nesta going with Cassian after ACOFAS. I guess this is an AU to ACOSF, and it’s a little angsty, a little smutty, and a lot of Nessian, which of course I love and live for.
Thank you @cassianappreciationweek for putting this amazing week together. I’m so excited!!!
                                                            ~*~
Nesta was curled up on the couch, a cup of tea steaming besides her and a thick novel held in her hands which she promptly laid down once she saw him.
She didn’t say hello, or ask how he was, not that he expected her to. And apart from a quick nod of acknowledgement on her part and a grunt from him, that was it for them.
Cassian was tired. Bone-deep tired and he worried he may not have the energy to speak for the rest of the week, let alone do anything else. The rain he’d been caught in on the way home hadn’t helped his mood either. And definitely not as he’d trudged upstairs and peeled off the sodden clothes and leather that stuck to him like glue.
But a quick, heated bath restored some of his energy and he made his way back down to Nesta, still on the couch, and still reading as he towel-dried his hair.
“Good book?”
A hum. Yes.
“Did you eat?”
Another hum. Lower. It could be yes or no, he’d learned.
“Come eat with me.”
A click of her tongue. He was interrupting her reading and it was his cue to stop bothering her. So he did.
He made his way to their small kitchen, following the smell of freshly warmed up food. He opened up the pots on the stove, taking in the rice, lentils and chicken. The smell was heavenly and after surviving on stale bread and hard cheese for the past week, he was relieved to eat a hot meal that required a plate and cooking.
Nesta didn’t move away when he joined her on the empty side of the couch, nor did she prompt him to eat somewhere else. Not that there was anywhere else to go eat. It was either down here with her, or upstairs shut away in his bedroom.
He opted for company, however silent it may be.
“It’s good.” He said after getting a second serving for himself.
“Emerie’s recipe.” She flipped the page, eyes never once wavering from scanning the lines in front of her.
He finished the remainder of the meal quietly, peeking glances to the female across him, not even two feet away, every so often. She’d opted for a loose knot at the back of her head, as opposed to the tight coronet braid it was usually in. And the nightgown she had on covered her from shoulders to toes.
Last he’d seen her, the week before, she’d looked much different. Her hair had been loose, falling down her back in silky ripples. He’d wrapped his hand around the length of it once, twice, until he’d had enough to tug her head gently backwards and meet him for a kiss. His hips had snapped into her own, pounding deeper and deeper and she’d pulled away with a moan, burying her head into the pillows as he tightened his grip on her hips. The thin scrap of lace that she’d come to him wearing, a barely there nightgown, was sitting discarded besides him on the floor besides the couch. He had been too close and he would have pushed her over the edge soon enough had there not been a sharp rap on the door a few feet from them.
Nesta had quieted immediately while Cassian had stopped altogether. The knock had come again a few moments later and Cassian had flipped her over onto her back while yelling out at whoever was at the door.
A message had come from a northern kingdom in the mountains that he was needed for some sort of emergency. Cassian had discussed the details for a few minutes more while continuing to fuck Nesta slowly, covering just her mouth as she came hard around him, back arched and eyes rolling back in her head.
It wasn’t until the messenger told him goodbye and that he’d be waiting at the training barracks for him that Cassian had properly extricated himself from Nesta, and propped himself into a sitting position on the couch.
Nesta was still catching her breath besides him and the swift peek he’d gotten between her slightly spread legs, of her swollen sex, had almost tempted him to taste her one last time before he had to be off. Almost, because before he could do anything, Nesta had reached down and dressed herself in that damned gown again.
Before he could rise as well, and cool down to get rid of his hardness, Nesta had gotten on her knees between his open legs, sucking him down her throat. It hadn’t taken him very long to explode in her mouth, his hands holding her hair back while he fucked it with a frenzy. She’d taken every thrust, and swallowed his release while continuing to work her mouth around him.
Her eyes had looked up at him wickedly as her tongue had chased him from the side of pleasure to overstimulation and he had twitched against her hold.
They hadn’t shared a goodbye but Nesta had kissed him swiftly, brutally, with the taste of himself still on her tongue before walking away.
“What?,” she snapped, pulling him from his lewd thoughts.
“Nothing,” he said, scraping his dish clean. He picked up the bag he’d brought with him and made his way to the kitchen to clean up.
It was only after he’d washed his dishes and placed the leftover food in the icebox did he call out to Nesta to join him. She hadn’t moved right away but after a few breaths he’d heard a shuffle, the closing of a book and she’d soon appeared in the kitchen doorway.
“What?” Clipped. And a hint of annoyance if he’d read the rest of her posture correctly.
“Aren’t you charming? Is the book getting good? Did I interrupt an upcoming smut scene?”
He opened the white box’s packaging and Nesta took a seat opposite him from the center island.
“It already happened. They were going at it again.”
“How refreshing,” he chuckled with a wink. Nesta rolled her eyes.
“So I know how you are about your chocolate cake, but you have to try this one. I picked it up from a bakery up north and trust me, you’ve never had anything like it before.” He placed a generous slide onto the cake plate and pushed it towards her, handing her the fork she always favored.
Nesta didn’t eat it. She only surveyed the white cream and strawberry jam in between the large cake layers with barely concealed disdain. Strange. To his knowledge, she liked strawberries fine enough. And cake was always a welcome dessert for her.
“Where is it from?”
“Erm, Miyola. It’s a small town between these two hills in the northern Steppes. I know the baker there. I haven't had a chance to go in a while but I was nearby for the work I was doing with that Illyrian king, so I decided to drop by on the way home.”
She picked up her fork, spearing the center of the cake, but still not eating it.
“This baker is your…friend.”
She stated it but Cassian heard the question in her voice.
“Yes,” he answered, confused. A sort of friend that he’d known for a couple decades. Nothing like Azriel or Rhys, which were more family than friends at this point. But still, a good friend who made great pastries. And always gave him some extra for free when he left.
Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Just friends? It’s a very nice cake.”
“Yes,” he answered again, irritation beginning to spike in him. Gods but he was tired.
Nesta reached down to her lap before procuring a small piece of paper, all but throwing it at him.
“It fell from your bag when you came home.”
Cassian read it in silence, quickly realizing what Nesta was probably thinking.
“It’s not…”
“She doesn’t seem to be very set on being just friends, don’t you think?”
Nesta’s glare was murderous.
Layla, the baker he’d met a century ago had been a fun, heated tryst that had quickly fizzled out. Or so he’d thought. And when he had dropped by this past week, his thoughts of their past nights had been a fleeting memory. Perhaps he should have explained the cake was for Nesta, his…
Well she wasn't really his anything. Not between them or amongst the rest of the world. She’d made that much clear the first time they’d slept together. A very formidable  line had been drawn, by her, making it known to him that it was just sex. Just for fun. And only while she was staying with him in Illyria. That it had nothing to do with romance, or care, or anything outside of base lust and desire. Which he could understand if it was any other female besides Nesta. If it had been any other female, he would have gladly accepted the agreement, and while he still had, a large part of him had felt empty at the thought. That it was all they would ever be. So for her to question this situation, question them when there really wasn’t a them - well it clawed at some already fraying part of him.
“Is that a problem?” He couldn’t help the snap in his words, the teeth he had to keep himself from baring.
If she wanted to play games, he could too. Nesta didn’t expect that and her spine stiffened, practically begging her to fight back. Bite back even. But he knew she wouldn’t answer truthfully. Because to do so would mean admitting that this thing between them was something real, something more than what she was lying to herself about. And the best thing she always did was run from the truth.
“Of course not. Why should I have a problem who you invite to your bed? I was just curious since you said- no, you lied, about who she was.”
“I didn’t-,” Cassian caught himself, taking in a ragged breath. So that’s what they would do tonight. Fight. He was in no mood for it.
“She’s a friend. I didn’t lie about it. And even if she wasn't, why do you care?”
Her spine went ramrod straight and she took in a quick breath, eyes blazing with simmering fury.
“I don’t,” came her strained reply.
Sure.
“So eat the cake.”
She waved her hand, ignoring him. “I don’t care. I don’t control you. I’m not stopping you from whatever you want with her. If you’d like to even bring her here and fuck her, why should I care?” Nesta got up, getting shriller and shriller with each passing word. “I don’t care one bit Cassian. Don’t stop on my account. While you’re at it, why not become reacquainted with all of your old friends? Females just seem to throw themselves at you left and right, don’t they?”
“They do, actually,” Cassian retorted. “I didn’t think you’d give a shit though. You don't about anything else.”
Nesta seemed to startle at his sudden outburst, but she quickly recovered.
“Well how great that’ll be then. You can go to one of them now and stop panting after me.”
“I wasn’t aware you were so miserable,” he deadpanned.
She smirked, crooning. “Males’ egos are truly a thing of wonder. You aren’t doing anything for me that I can’t do for myself with my own hand.”
Cassian laughed darkly. “Let’s not get into all the things I do to you. With my hands or otherwise.”
A faint blush stained her cheeks at that but she didn’t back down. She opened her mouth, readying for her next attack, but Cassian interrupted it.
He tried softer this time. “Don’t be cruel, it doesn't suit you.”
“Doesn’t it?,” she snapped.
Cassian shrugged then. “Jealousy definitely doesn’t. You would know if there were any other females around me in that way. You’d smell it on me.”
She shook her head. “I’m not jealous. I already told you, I don’t-.”
“Yes I got it the first time. You don’t care. Are you done now?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Cassian had to laugh at that. “Are you done, Nesta? Have you had enough?”
Eyes narrowed in contempt, arms crossed over her chest in lovely defiance, she was the most beautiful creature he’d ever laid eyes on.
Cassian took a bite of the cake. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that. And you don’t quit. I’d admire it if I wasn’t so tired. And I’d encourage it if I wasn’t already in a piss poor mood. Gods know I don’t need any excitement for a while.”
She blinked, unmoving, but quiet. So he continued, finishing up his dessert.
“But we do this, don’t we? You pick a fight with something that isn’t really an issue. I say something, you say something worse, I say something back, you get upset. You cry and then I’m the asshole that has to apologize for something you started. Or did I miss something?”
She knew he was right, but Nesta wouldn’t say it. Nesta wouldn’t say a lot of things. So instead he reached across the table, and pushed her plate further towards her.
“Eat the damn cake, Nesta. I brought it for you.”
She did. With just enough contempt that she might have scratched the plate with her fork from her first bite. But she did it. And eventually she had a second slice too, Cassian noted with a small feeling of victory.
“What’s her name?”
Gods save him, not this again.
“Nesta, I don’t-.”
She held up a hand, almost placating him. “I’m not trying to start a fight. I just wanted to know her name.”
Cassian hesitated for a moment. “Layla.”
“Pretty,” she noted quietly, moving the fork around her empty plate.
“Yes,” he murmured, cleaning up, and trying his best not to stare too much at Nesta, in case she spooked and ran from him again.
“Is she? Pretty, I mean.” Nesta’s voice was soft and too fragile for his liking. She wouldn’t look at him as she asked.
“Yes,” he admitted slowly. And she was. He couldn’t deny it. And even if he lied, Nesta would know. She always knew when he lied.
Nesta left then.
He argued with himself the entire way up the stairs and to her door. To talk to her, soothe her worries, and reassure her that there was no one else for him. But to do that would mean acknowledging that there was something here of enough substance where another female might present a problem.
Nesta would never accept that.
Still he knocked, and even though she didn’t and wouldn’t respond, he let himself in.
“New book?”
She didn’t look up once, sprawled out on her stomach, with her feet to the head of the bed.
“Old book. Rereading it.”
At least she spoke to him. He supposed they were no longer in that rough place anymore where he would have to worry about her stoic silence. She rarely iced him out since staying with him. Rarely felt the need to resort to it, even with some of their worst fights. This, he could work with.
He sat down beside her, trying his best, and failing, to keep the peace.
“You’re beautiful,” he finally said after a pregnant pause.
She clicked her tongue. “Is that why you’re here? I don’t need that from you. I’ve been told I had a face fit to marry a king since I was eight. This isn’t news for me.”
Of course it wasn’t. People had to be blind to not know that Nesta was stunning. Becoming Fae had only heightened it to being otherwordly.
“Well, then you should know that just because Layla-.” She clicked her tongue, shutting him up. She didn’t want to talk about this. But he couldn't leave it so cold and open. Especially not when he knew exactly what sorts of thoughts were probably racing in her head.
“Nesta,” he murmured, hoping she’d at least look at him before he threw his heart out in front of her, yet again. She had a habit of stomping the life out of it, but he prayed one last time, that maybe she wouldn’t.
She closed her book then, turning onto her back to look up at him. Her hair fanned out behind her and Cassian couldn’t resist carding through the tresses softly, gently, with so much hesitation it was a wonder he didn’t tremble too.
There was something about Nesta that terrified Cassian. Not the stone cold facade or the cutting words. He could take a hit or two to his ego, and with Nesta, it was more entertaining for him than anything else. But he had faced foes on battlefields for centuries, had killed and maimed without much thought, and never once had he encountered someone like her.
The brute strength and the efficiently cutting violence that he could easily execute with had always helped him as a soldier. As a general. And then as commander. Never had it been a weakness to deter from until he’d met Nesta.
Then, suddenly, all his largeness, all his brash, booming loudness had become dangerous. To her. For her. Gods knew she had the temper and fire inside to match his own, and to meet every shredding, stupid thing he said to her with her own poison. But it wasn’t the same and he knew it.
The fragility that she hid behind a beautiful, almost impenetrable mask scared him. As if he may one day, accidentally, shatter her irreversibly, if he wasn’t careful. So he tried again this time, trying and willing the words to form in the gentlest way possible to deal with this storm of a woman laid out in front of him.
“I don’t know what you want from me. I can’t guard you from reality even though I’d like to. There will always be another Layla if you go looking hard enough. And knowing you, you tend to go looking for heartbreak just so you can swing first.”
Cassian didn’t miss the fact that her storm-grey eyes began to fill with tears, but he had to commend her grit in not letting them fall.
“Is it not enough if I tell you there is no one else? Not now, not for a very long time, and not anytime in the future as long as you wish it.”
She laughed, but it was a hollow, broken sound. “I never asked for your loyalty.”
“You have it anyhow.”
A stray tear leaked out and Cassian’s hand flexed automatically to reach over and wipe it away. He held himself back only for a moment, judging whether or not it would shatter this delicate moment. Another tear leaked out and Cassian gently wiped it off then. Nesta nuzzled against his hand and it took everything in him to not pull her towards him.
“I never asked anything of you,” she whispered into the heart of his palm. 
“I know.”
“So why do you keep giving?”
Cassian smoothed her hair, stroking her cheek. “Because I can. Because I want to. I guess you’ll just have to deal with it.”
She froze as he leaned down over her, before softening against him.
“I suppose so,” she whispered against his lips.
Cassian kissed her gently, even though his soul had been wholly consumed by her. Perhaps it would never be enough time in this world for him to show her how much she mattered to him, how much he cared. But for now, this would do.
~*~
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yourstruly-caycay · 2 years
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The "requests are both open and closed" is kind of throwing me off but I'll try anyways 😭,can i request an headcanon for Jack the ripper, Poseidon and Thor finding their lover cutting herself???? So an angst to fluff/comfort??? Bye i Hope i didn't bother you.
  No worry about bothering me or not, but I was quite surprise when you request this to me, I ain’t sure if I'm able to do this request, but I’ll try my best. However, I will write this base from my experience.
Warning: self-harm 
Jack the Ripper
He, himself, aware that because of his status as a killer (which he label it on himself). It can risk the relationship between you and him, that if you ever found out about this, there's a high chance for you to leave him out of fear.
Even if he's a killer, he genuinely do love you, but will never take the risk of showing his dark side.
Your love, smile, affection, and soothing words are enough for him to forgot the sickening action he do; in his eyes, you're an angel, you always looks happy in front of him and give amount of comfort and affection to him, you look so fine that he almost goes blind toward the curtain behind your smile.
How wrong of him, he feels like his heart drop when he see a blood on your wrist with the amount of tears flow from your face. Without any thought, he immediately yanked the knife from you and hug you so you won't do anything to harm yourself. 
 Hearing your tears of agony and sadness breaks him as all he could do is to 
A few minutes has passed since the incident, you relaxed in his arm with no energy left to cry, and now it's Jack's turn to be in alarm with the caused of your condition. Why did you do this? Did someone tell you a harmful words? Who? Did you actually find out his identity and shame of it to the point you want to end your life so you won’t be with him?
"Jack, let me go."
Your weak voice stops his overthinking questions and glances at you, how foolish of him, now it's not the right moment for the questions!
Shake his head out of disagreement with your statement, he instead carries you to the bedroom. Shocking you as you try to convince him again, but it turn to deaf ears as you finally give in since you’re not in the right mood to argue.
Placing you carefully into the bed, he then bring out the medical kit and gently tend your wounds as he tried to not accidentally harm you. After it’s finish, he stand up and said, “Please wait here for a moment, I’ll bring you some tea and snacks.”
The only answer he receive are your nod as he just smile and kiss your forehead before he leave.
Later, he come with two cups of tea and a cookies as he set it on the table, then he begin to hold you close to him and rub your back — after silent of comfort, he begin to ask, “Is there something that bothering you, Y/n?” no respond come from you — not like he expect for you to just immediately say it. “You don’t have to tell me now, tell me when you’re already comfortable enough to say it, I’ll always be there for you.”
Upon hearing his words, you lean closer to him as you bury your face to his neck and hug him back, the action itself is enough to let him know you thank him.
Thor
If there’s anyone who have the bold to hurt his darling, then a head without a half of its upper body will be found somewhere else.
That said, Thor realize that you’ve been distant from everyone including him for a weeks now and he have not see you as much as before either. 
At first, he thought that you might have a bad days and wanted to be left alone, which he did give you space. 
However, just because you’re rarely be seen, Thor always pay attention to your behaviors if he ever see you again, and the more he do that, the more concern he is. 
I mean, he should’ve follow his guts quicker...
"I’m fine, things has just... been a little bit bothering me, I guess.” You stated while avoiding eye contact with him. You thought that he might be upset with you, but to your surprise, Thor nod and pat your head, “Tell me if there’s someone or something bother you.” He hope that he did it right since he’s not too sure on how to comfort you in this tense situation. 
You smile at him and nod as you leave him behind, you might think that he give you space like usual, but since he’s been pay attention to your behavior, there’s something suspicious with your appearance — specifically your wrist that you’ve been hiding it every time he see you.
When you’re finally all alone, your true face finally revealed — emptiness can be seen within your eyes, your smile turn into frown, and you're letting out a breathe... it seems like smiling has been nothing but a pressure to you. to distract the emotional pain you feel, you take a deep breath with knife ready to slit your wrist, you close your eyes and- 
slap*
Opening your eyes in panic, you found Thor take the knife and crush it as he glance at you, which you cower in fear of his anger. “Please don’t be mad at me, please, don’t hurt me.” You sniffle with eyes wouldn’t dare to look at him and tears spills, but what you didn’t know is that Thor take a step back, "did I accidentally hurt them?” He thought, even seeing you cower break his heart.
“Y/n.” As he expect you to not answer him, he sigh and slowly step forward reaching to your hand gently. “I... I’m not going to hurt you.”
Hearing his words, you’re able to look at him and startle at his expression, you don’t know if you’re hallucinating or Thor actually express a sadness, but all you know is that you feel slightly relief.
"Really?"
“Yeah...” hearing his word, you begin to cry louder and cover your face in shame. 
“I’m sorry for crying, I’m sorry.” 
"There's no need to apologize." He hug you hoping that you won’t do any harmful attempt and comfort you, after that, he take you to your shared bedroom and try to talk to you about it.
Ever since that day, he’s also been checking up on you and staying by your side more (unless you ask him for space), although this won’t make your emotional pain instantly gone, you still thank him for staying by your side and being a pretty good listener.
Poseidon
Having a relationship with Poseidon is very difficult and you’re aware of this too, yet you still love him and want to keep this relationship because you also know that he love you... in a different way that you can’t understand since he’s still new to romance stuff.
However, just because a gods is perfect doesn’t mean their character is perfect, the downside to this one is due to his cold attitude (sometimes a jerk too), his lack of affection, and especially his obsess with perfection is what makes you struggle to open up to him when your flaws showed up... which this lead up into cutting yourself for the sake of coping with your problem, thinking he would just mind his own business like usual.
Perhaps, you shouldn't really underestimate Poseidon watchful eyes.
"Who did this to you, y/n?" He grabs your wrist filled with cuts, the wave suddenly roars so high that it startles you, and his disappointed face can also be seen.
But, you stay silent, cursing yourself for forgetting that Poseidon has a very keen eyes. "Y/n, I demand the answer now." His voice is calm, unlike the roaring wave outside, yet it still scare you.
"I...."
Poseidon patiently waits for the answer as you still struggle to say it. "I... I..." Yet, in the end, you didn't get to say the words as tear fall down your face. He receive no answer but a sound of cry from his lover, slowly, he become irked, not at you, but the “person” who is responsible for this, he’s sure there’s someone who harm you. 
But now, he stay by your side before the killing spree. He hug you close to his chest and sigh in confusion, he has no idea how to make you go back to "happy-self”, but he know that maybe it’s the best to just stay by your side.
“Cry all you want, you can tell me about the filthy rat who harm you later.”
You thank him for that little comfort, but how will you tell him about this bad-habit coping mechanism you have?
...
~ The end
note: I’m having nervous wrack doing this, it’s like a trigger to my forgotten memories, but a good way to spill out how I actually feel through this fanfic! This is probably one of the difficult writing I’ve done.
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amnisx · 3 months
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~ missed me? - ❁ - yjw
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♡ pairing: yang jungwon x fem!reader
♡ word count: 3k ?
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♡ synopsis:
Sent to spend the summer time with my grandma, i end up right back to where i came from. A warm feeling of nostalgia washing over me as i found myself traveling back in time to my childhood. Old memories that i buried in the back of my mind resurfacing— everything from to the smell of the wild flowers that surrounded me, to the first boy i had ever let into my heart.
♡ concept: childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff.
♡ warnings: swearing. (that’s all i think)
• part 2/2 !
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We just stood there for a while.. holding each other. I don’t know why my heart was beating so fast. It felt like the world around had just completely faded away and it was just us. His hair smelled like grey coffee mixed with vanilla. I don’t know why, but i kissed his hair gently. Burying my nose in it as he continues to cry in my arms. It was a healing moment for the both of us, and i just know we were both gonna over think it.
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I think it only dawned on me the next day that Jungwon actually hugged and talked to me. My brain was in shambles still trying to comprehend the situation. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and stretch my arms to wake myself up, grabbing my phone from my nightstand to check my socials. I saw a message notification from Ni-ki around the time i had gotten home last night but i was too tired to check it then. I felt kind of nervous opening it.
hey y/n.. i wna apologize for last night. I didn’t mean to act out like that. I think i was just focused on my own stuff and i didn’t think before speaking. hope u can forgive me :/
Ni-ki was never good with words. Always brushing his problems off as nothing important, hiding his feelings and or just being quiet. We all knew that about him, of course, but we also knew that one day his built up anger, sadness and frustrations would rain down on us. I guess yesterday was just Jungwon’s turn to face the storm.
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I had missed the guys, a lot. I never knew if i was gonna see them again but ever since i came back, even it had only been two weeks, i felt so much more complete. The next few days we would be together from dawn till dusk. I had become inseparable from them, again. I felt like my younger self once more, running around, playing, picking flowers and sitting at that same wooden bench every night. All our initials were still carved on the side of it, slowly rotting away with time.. and although i told myself to just enjoy the moment, i couldn’t help but fear the same fate for us..
Every time we hung out we were always laughing and joking around, but there was always this strange tension between me and Jungwon. We hadn’t talked about the night where we had hugged and cried in each other’s arms, but i thought it best that i don’t mention it in front of the others. I wanted to talk to him about it but i never had the right opportunity to be alone with him..
Despite that, everyone and everything was going well. I even saw Heeseung from time to time but he was always in a rush to get somewhere.. busy person stuff i guess. (He even said so himself..) Apparently he has a girlfriend now? That would explain his disappearance from our lives, and it didn’t bother us. We were never very close to begin with, but never passed the chance to hang out, no one ever did. That was our friendship dynamic with the famous Lee Heeseung.
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Summer actually felt like summer for once..
Ni-ki had invited me and the guys for a sleepover at his place. The idea seemed too fun to not go so i quickly packed a random pair of pajamas and all my night time routine things, stuffing all of it in an old tote bag. Grandma completely trusted all those boys so she had no problem letting me go.
I speed walk to Ni-ki’s place, my legs tiring only after a few minutes.. His place had this heavy, rusty, loud metal front gate that opened to his front yard. It was too heavy for me to push so i always just jumped over it. I rush to his front door and rung the doorbell. He opened up with a big smile on his face.
(N-K): “y/n! Everyone’s here already, come in.” He ushers me inside his house, handing me a pair of comfy slippers.
Jungwon and Jake were sitting on the couch playing some random video game and Jay was in the kitchen cooking. Ni-ki’s house hadn’t changed much looking at it at first glance, only some furniture having been moved around. His mom still kept all our old drawings on the walls in small plastic frames with all our names underneath, it was a cute inside joke we had. I decide to join Jay in the kitchen, the intoxicating fumes of what he was making filling my nostrils.
(y/n): “what you makin~?”
(J): “just some ramen.. you like tteok right?”
(y/n): “mhm! you’re putting tteok in this?”
(J): “yea.. some fish cake too.”
I gently clap my hands together, excited to eat the masterpiece Jay was cooking. I squeeze him tight with a feeling of gratitude before going back to the living room and sitting on the soft leather couch. For a while me, Jake, Jungwon and Ni-ki have a few laughs together before Jay calls all of us to the table to eat.
(J): “KIDS COME EAT!!” he yells in a joking tone.
(N-K): “Jay this looks fire.” he says as we all approach the dining table, drooling at the sight of food. Ni-ki sniffs the pot, his eyes rolling back in awe of how delicious it already smelled.
Jay serves all of our food in cute ceramic bowls with fruits painted on them. Ni-ki’s mom loved us like her own to be honest. She loved buying bowls and cups for her decorate with each of our initials and favorite fruits or animals on it. Even though she only spoke Japanese, we all loved her as well.
We all dig in and finish our servings within minutes. I guess everyone was starved..? As everyone puts their bowl in the sink, i decide to wash the dishes, since i knew how much those lazy asses hated doing them. As i soap up all the bowls and heavy metal pot, i feel a presence behind me. I turn around to see Jake, he walks up to me and rests his elbows on the counter, tilting his head.
(y/n): “what is it, Jake?”
(JK): “just.. wondering something..”
(y/n): “come on, tell me.”
(JK): “why aren’t you and Jungwon, you know.. dating?” i choked on my own spit as i heard the question.
(y/n): “i don’t see him like that.. i doubt he stills looks at me that way too..”
(JK): “i know you haven’t been back long but you should see how he looks at you. Actual hearts come out of his eyes and he smiles so hard it looks like his dimples are gonna make holes in his face.” i laugh at his comment, slowly shaking my head.
(y/n): “don’t joke about that.. We’re just friends..” I finish rinsing off all the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
The dishwasher was always used as a drying rack and never an actual dishwasher.. (is it just an asian thing..?) Jake shrugs and nudges me playfully, giving me a mischievous grin before leaving the kitchen to join the guys in the living room again.
The rest of the night was fun but my mind kept wandering back to what Jake had told me.. I went to bed feeling puzzled. It didn’t help that Jungwon was sleeping next to me. He looked so peaceful and calm.. I slap myself to look away from his handsome face and to go to sleep, but i didn’t get a blink of it. Why was i so focused on something that was clearly a joke? Was it not a joke? Did Jake know something? My brain just didn’t wanna give me a break the whole night. The next morning, i got up pretty early, eating breakfast and grabbing my stuff to get home. I think i just couldn’t stay in that house a moment longer.. My heart was pounding in my chest and i felt a sense of pressure and nervousness as I waved goodbye to the guys who were awake, finally rushing out the front door.
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It was about 5 or 6 pm, when i heard a buzz from my phone. I was in the small town market with grandma to buy some things for dinner. I pull my phone out from my back jeans pocket, trying to see who or what the reason of the buzz. As soon as i did, my phone started to ring, it was Jungwon. My heart stopped for a second, trying to compose myself as i pick up, my voice was sorta shaky but i tried to act nonchalant (failing miserably..)
(y/n): “what is it?”
(JW): “well hello to you too, rude.” he scoffs with a slight laugh. “you home?”
(y/n): “I’m out with grandma, why?”
(JW): “I wanna talk, but not over the phone. Can you meet me at the park? At the willow tree?”
(y/n): “Won, i can’t abandon my grandma in town..”
(JW): “please y/n.. it’ll be worth your while.. i promise.”
(y/n): “fine fine.. I’ll be there in 5.”
We hang up the phone call and i sneak away from my grandma, slowly slipping out of the crowd of old people fighting over vegetables and tea bags..
I make my way to the park, practically running towards it. My mind was wondering about what Jungwon wanted to talk to me about, i felt stressed and sort of nauseous thinking about it, was about that night he cried? Or the sleepover? Maybe..? No, i shouldn’t kid myself. I approach the tree, out of breath and fixing my hair.
(JW): “you’re a minute late..” he teases.
(y/n): “shut up.. my gran doesn’t know im gone right now.. make it quick..” I was still trying to catch my breath as i look at him with a sort of frustrated look.
(JW): “i wanna show you something..” He takes my hand in his, and starts speed walking towards some random lavender field. It belonged to a grumpy old farmer who hated when kids invaded his property so i was getting even more nervous at this point.
(y/n): “Jungwon! We can’t go in there! That old fuck is gonna kill us if we get caught..”
(JW): “Then we just don’t get caught.” He smirks at himself as he jumps over the short wood fence, ushering me to jump too.
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It was end of July, meaning lavender was at its prime time of the season. It was in full bloom and the smell was so strong it could stain your clothes for a whole week. Jungwon and i quietly start to make our way to the other side of the field. I had never been so far since that hot tempered grandpa would always catch me and shoo me off, throwing his stinky old slippers at me.
We jump the fence again, ending up on the most beautiful place on earth. It was a hill that had all sorts of flowers and butterflies that flew all around them. The smell of lavender still strong enough to know i was still in the same place and not dreaming. The view was beautiful and the pink and purple sunset tied it all together.
(JW): “I wanted to talk to you, here.. I always wanted to bring you, but never got the chance..” his grip on my hands tightening as he scoots himself closer to me.
(y/n): “this is.. beautiful.. how do you know about this place?” I turn my head from the beautiful scenery to see his face only inches away from mine. “um.. what are you-” I was quickly cut off by a soft kiss. His hands found my waist, pulling me closer.
(JW): “i always wanted to do that..” he whispers against my lips. Our foreheads were almost touching and we looked deep into each other’s eyes. There was this burning desire inside of his that made me bite my tongue and swallow hard.
(y/n): “w-what.. what are you talking about.. why’d you..” i couldn’t find the words.. i was just in pure shock.
(JW): “you’re so blind.. no wonder you have wear glasses..” he laughs softly as he pulls a little further away from my face to look at me better. “Don’t act so shocked.. isn’t your childhood crush kissing you a good thing?” He smirked at me, his cute dimples coming out as his hands made their way to my lower back.
(y/n): “WHAT? MY CRUSH? where’d you get that..?”
(JW): “I always knew you liked me back..” He chuckles again, pulling me closer as he leans in for another kiss.
(y/n): “WAIT..!” i block his face away with the palm of my hand, keeping him at bay. “What the hell are you talking about..?”
(JW): “y/n, i know you lied the night you left, about how you never wanted to see my face again, were those the words?” he moves my hand away, making me look at the smug look on his face. “Your grandma showed me your room the day just after you left.. She pulled out this pink box with a bow from under your bed. There was my name on it.. I opened it and there was all the things i had given you, ever. Also a bunch of our polaroid pictures together with drawn on hearts around my face..” He starts laughing softly, seeing the blush on my face become intense.
(y/n): “um.. you know that night i was really emotional. I never meant that.. and i have no idea what box you’re talking about..” I look away from his face, trying to look at something else to calm my racing heart.
Jungwon scoffs with a gentle laugh again, he lets me go momentarily to pull out his phone from his back pocket. He grabs my chin to make me look at his phone case. It was a clear case with a polaroid picture stuck behind it. It was one of my 10th birthday. I was eating a huge piece of cake and Jungwon had frosting all over his face, both of us were laughing in the picture and we looked so cute and innocent.. i was too busy analyzing it to realize the heart that was drawn around his face.
(JW): “so you don’t remember drawing that cute little pink heart on this? or all the others i have in my room?”
I was too stunned to speak. Did he really keep all of them in his room? My face was heating up intensely as the boy in front of me looked at me with a cheeky grin and put his phone back into his back pocket. That’s when it hit me.
The night i left i was so angry and upset about everything that i had packed so recklessly that i left a lot of stuff behind, and that pink box being apart of the stuff… I was in such a fit of rage that i refused to talk to anyone and told all my friends that i never wanted to see their faces ever again.. Thinking about it now, of course it was immature and stupid, but I was a naive twelve year old who was madly inlove with her best friend, who had confessed to liking her only a few hours before she had to leave. Can you blame me for being a little emotional?
(JW): “so.. are you gonna admit it or am i gonna have to keep kissing you until you say it yourself?” He smiles at me, waiting for an answer.
(y/n): “i might need a bit more convincing..” i smirk as he leans in again. His soft lips pressing against mine as he holds me tight.
(JW): “you know i love you, right?” he whispers between kisses.
(y/n): “you know i love you too.”
That moment i knew one thing for certain. Yang Jungwon would always have a place in my heart. I know we’re only two teenagers who know absolutely nothing about love but who cares? He was finally in my arms again, and this time, I wouldn’t let him go.
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hi ! im so thankful if you read it both parts entirely, i worked pretty hard on these and im grateful for the 4 people who liked part 1 🫶🏼
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armsofhadar · 7 months
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[part 1], [part 2], [bonus gale pov]
Gale has been wringing his hands ever since he sat them down, and the crease between his brows is deeper than usual. Valefor nervously picks at a scab on their hand. 
“I'm not going to lie,” Gale says, his voice lacking its usual cheerful lilt, “I'm a tad disappointed you felt like you couldn't tell me this.”
Valefor swallows, rubbing a finger over the freshly healed skin they just revealed. They knew Gale was going to be hurt by keeping this from him, yet it did nothing to make the decision easier. He also reacted quite strongly to Astarion revealing his vampirism. Somewhere, Valefor feels like it might be a sensitive subject for Gale, to have secrets kept from him. Still, this isn’t just something they tell everyone. Even growing up, the other children that belonged to their group could read at least a little bit. It’s always bothered them that they couldn’t, no matter how hard they tried. There wasn’t any time to learn how to, anyway. And who in the hells would teach them, anyhow?
---
But it’s too late for excuses now. The damage is done. The only thing they can attempt now is to have honesty mend some of it.
“I was embarrassed, Gale,” they confess, still rubbing the skin on their hand. “I was afraid to tell you.”
He sighs, but not out of exasperation. There’s something else there; an old hurt that makes his eyes weary; a shadow of distrust; a glimmer of self-doubt, before he shakes his head and it’s replaced with that grim frown. His knuckles are white as he squeezes his hands.
“It also doesn’t help that everyone knew before I did.” There’s obvious frustration in his voice now, he’s not trying to hide it anymore.
Valefor recoils, straightening their back. That’s just plainly not true. Karlach and Astarion are the only ones who know. Astarion knows because Valefor asked him to read something for them, the first night at camp, after which he guessed why they asked, and then promised to keep their secret if they would keep his. Afterwards they confessed their secret to Karlach because they felt like she would be the least likely to judge them.
That, and the way Gale talks about books, the way he seems surprised at people not possessing certain knowledge, the way he brags about his. Valefor didn’t want to be at the receiving end of that. Not ever. Not again. Not after being ridiculed by their friends for being unable to make sense of the scribbles on parchment of a mark, or bringing back the wrong papers after moving on to smuggling from petty thievery.
“Not everyone knows!” they hiss. “It’s just Astarion and Karlach — and now, you.” Their voice sounds a bit too harsh for their liking, but maybe it’s time to stop pretending they never get angry. Only part of what they say seems to actually reach Gale, however, and for the first time in a while they feel the urge to clench their fists.
“They did, didn’t they? Astarion guessed, even, as he so graciously informed me of!” He sounds insulted now, and it’s all Valefor needs to confirm their previous suspicions. It’s not just about him being kept out of the loop. It’s also about someone else beating him to the punch.
“You could have hinted at it, perhaps? Instead of having me ask you about your favourite books in front of them? Gods, they must have laughed behind my back. I made a fool of myself and I didn’t even know it.” 
“It’s not like I did this to purposely hurt your feelings, Gale,” Valefor argues. “Besides, weren’t you the one who said we’re all entitled to our secrets?”
It stops him dead in his tracks, and the finger Gale raises to emphasise whatever he was going to counter with stills mid-air, before curling back into his fist. He groans, then buries his face in his hands. There’s a faint glow coming from the orb in his chest, the way it does when he gets riled up. Valefor patiently waits until the glow settles, but when they inhale to ask if he’s alright he interrupts them.
“Apologies, that was unfair of me.” The regret on his face is evident as he lowers his hands, and Valefor feels their frustration ebb, but not the tension in their muscles. 
“I, erm, I feel like I might have exposed myself more than I intended to just now,” he says, and his voice sounds less strained, albeit still loaded with emotion. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that, and I’m sorry.”
Valefor smiles, hopefully enough to let Gale know that they accept his apology. “I was building up to telling you, if that helps,” they say.
Gale lets out a bitter chuckle. “That’s the thing, is it? You shouldn’t have had to build up to it. You shouldn’t have had to confess this to me, because it doesn’t matter. It says nothing about your personality, about the way you care for people, the way you’ve helped everyone.” He looks up from the place where his eyes have been trying to bore a hole into the dirt. “The way you’ve helped me.” 
“I hope your opinion of me hasn’t been too dented, to find out I’m so easily rattled for missing a detail that doesn’t have any consequences for our collective well being. And to blame you for making a fool of me on top of that. It seems I’m quite capable of making a fool out of myself without your aid.”
“Can I ask why this upset you so?” Valefor finds themselves asking before they realise it, wanting desperately to know what hurt him exactly. As much as they wanted to keep this secret from him for as long as possible, what they want more is to not hurt him again in the future. “I understand your disappointment that I didn’t share this with you when I shared this with others… It’s never fun to be excluded. I can relate to that.”
Gale thinks for a moment, staring into the fire.
“Well, I suppose it made me feel… inadequate, to not have noticed this on my own. You’ve avoided talking about your favourite books a few times now. And when I pried you for further details you never say anything about the content, just the look of the cover or the colours of the script. It’s a rather unfamiliar feeling for me to feel inadequate at something. I’ve not had much experience with it.”
“You value intelligence and knowledge, Gale,” Valefor says with a sigh, determined to tell him what they’ve had pent up for a while. “I know and like this about you, but I’m someone who’s never spent a day in school. Everything I’ve learned I’ve learned by doing it, by experience. The way you talk about studying, about reading books to acquire new skills, spells, information, it made me question if what I learned my way was even something that had value to begin with. I feared you’d look down on me.”
His eyes widen, and their tadpoles connect, ever so briefly, not long enough to transmit a memory, but enough to convey his feelings of shock, and then realisation, followed by deep embarrassment and self-loathing.
Gale just laughs. It’s that bitter chuckle again, and Valefor fears that whatever friendship (and whatever potentially romantic feelings) they’ve built up during their time together has just flown the coop. They want him to understand that they were terrified of him thinking less of them. And as they think it, they feel it seep into his mind by their shared connection.
“Listen,” Gale says, “I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t tell me this, but I promise you I don’t think less of you because of this. I could teach you, if you want. Gladly, even. Writing, too. Even if you never want to learn, I wouldn't care. I'd read to you if you want.”
Valefor smiles, and they feel like they’re vibrating from relief, their arms itching to wrap him in a tight hug. They glance sideways, and catch Karlach’s eye, sitting on a log as she watches them. She nods in Gale’s direction, as if saying ‘Go on!’, and it gives them the courage to lean in towards him, arms open in invitation.
He flinches back slightly, before he realises what they mean, and his hands come up — shaking ever so slightly — as Valefor leans in to wrap their arms around his neck in a tight hug.
“Thank you,” they murmur into his hair. “For a moment I feared I’d lost your friendship.”
Gale’s chuckle borders on a nervous giggle, and he clears his throat. “I can hardly deny our friendship when you hug me like I’m a long lost family member.”
Valefor loosens their grip, but Gale just squeezes them harder. “That wasn’t a complaint. I quite enjoy it, if I have to be honest.”
“I wished it was me who noticed your inability to read, you know,” he says after a while of them breathing in tandem. They gently ease apart, and it’s hard not to see the pink hue on Gale’s cheeks, even obscured by nightfall. “Instead of you telling me,” he clarifies, unable to look at them. His eyes dart between his own hands and Valefor’s before he adds, more like an afterthought, “You’d think I’d have figured it out by myself with the way you occupy my mind.”
Valefor has to suppress the urge to beam, feeling the warmth in their chest spread to their face. They try not to get ahead of things, but fail miserably, and they’re smiling before they know it, openly hopeful.
“You… think about me?”
He’s wringing his hands again — his adorable nervous habit. “I mean, I observe you with great interest because you fascinate me. You’re extraordinarily skilled at things I have no expertise in whatsoever, and I quite enjoy watching— I mean, observing—” He groans, and his hands cover his face, making his voice sound muffled behind them. 
“Gods, there’s no use in denying it, is there?” He lowers his hands with a sigh, and his face is flushed, the pink intensified by the faint purple glow emanating from the orb. He doesn’t look at them when he confirms Valefor's hopes. “Yes, you occupy my mind a great deal of the time.”
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renneiscent · 2 years
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You Are All That Matters
Chapters: 9/?
< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >
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We are walking just like few minutes already but it feels like forever since not any of us dare to open their mouth and try to speak, especially me. The thought of Jake might be stumbling on my social media profile somehow makes me feeling nervous. Do I look good on the photos that I have been uploading this far? Are there any ugly pictures of me that my friends tagged me to? What did he see when he was stalking my profile since he has said that I’m quite fascinating before?
Oh God, thinking about it makes me uneasy. It gives my body all the tension and now my tummy is hurting just because of those questions. I hit my head as I try to shoo away my previous thoughts. We are in dangerous mission here, MC! Stop worrying about unnecessary things! Because the prior hit didn’t work, I slap my cheek again and it's a little bit hard this time until it makes me hiss because of pain.
“Are you okay?” Jake suddenly stopped and now he is facing me. I guess I was a bit too loud while fighting with my intrusive thoughts.
“Oh.. no, no—I mean yes! Yes, everything is fine! Sorry..” I stutter as I look down, trying to hide my face with my hoodie. I look so stupid because of the tension.
“What is it? Is something bothering you?” I cannot look at him in the eyes and read his expression very well but his voice sounds concern.
“No, it’s nothing. Everything is really fine.” I’m not sure if Jake noticed but I give a little nod to add my response.
“Does my presence bother you?” he asks again.
“What? Of course not!” Finally I look up and face him, my eyes widen of worry. I’m gazing at him as if I try to transfer my feeling to this man in front of me. Perhaps he can sense that every fiber of him never bother me through my telepathy, who knows?
“That’s nice to hear.” He approved then leads the walk again. I’m not sure if he was smiling or not because of his mask, but the tone he made before sounds more relieved. It would be really good, if he really realised that his presence never bother me at all.
We are walking again in silence; feeling frustrated with no one tries to break this awkwardness wall, I’m trying to gain all of my confidence that buried inside somewhere in my soul, I begin to open the new conversation.
“So...” I’m trailing off for a while, “are you staying in Duskwood all this time?” waiting for a reply from him that never came, I continue. “You were pretty fast to arrive here.”
“Mm, I’m staying in the area for a while.” He explained it really short whether he was hiding the truth or just trying to not give more details.
“I see.” To be completely honest, I’m not satisfied with his answer at all but I don’t know if I’m too sleepy and tired or I just don’t want to be too pushy, that’s why I just let this one go.
Suddenly remember that Jake didn’t finish explaining the detail of his plan, I begin to open my mouth again. Well, someone needs to put an effort to kill this thick awkward situation after all. “You didn’t finish telling me your plan back then. What’s the plan actually?”
“As I said, the mine is extensive and the hatch that Michael told you before is not the only one. I was thinking perhaps we could enter the other hatch without encountering the culprit.” He explained, there is this enthusiasm in his voice. It sounds like a good plan without spilling my blood to be honest, but my trust issue is saying otherwise. I’m just hoping it will be that easy.
“And you know where it is?” I asked, hoping he want to share more details.
“Of course I do. I already bring the map of Ironsplinter Mine with me. We can see the entrances and exits scattered across the mine.” He is tapping his jacket’s pocket where he is keeping his phone before, to point out what he meant by map is on his phone already.
“Oh my goodness! Thank you for saving this damsel in distress.” I tried to joke around. Thankfully, Jake understood and he is giving a soft chuckle. I’m glad I didn’t lose my touch even though this is our first meeting.
“What was your actual plan before, if I may?” luckily Jake didn’t shut in the conversation but still giving it the flow.
“Let’s see,” I’m trying to recall what exactly it’s my plan, but no. Nothing comes out. Well, of course, I just told Michael right away that I’m ready to meet him because of my impulsive and defiant behaviour. I never thought about the next plan. “Nah, it’s nothing really; just handing myself over a silver platter.” I shrugged.
“You really...” Jake didn’t complete his sentence but just letting out a long sigh. I look at him from behind and I could see he is shaking his head under his hoodie.
“Stupid, I know.” I helped him by completing the sentence. No doubt, I myself also think that I’m indeed stupid because of it.
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just—it’s hard to believe that you are giving yourself just like that. I would call it as fearless, but yes it is pretty reckless.” He commented, his voice is gentle and it helps me to lessen my nerve to not confront myself any longer about my previous plan which is indeed stupid.
“Well, thankfully you are here for saving me from my reckless behaviour.” As soon as I realised after saying that, I bite my own tongue and correct my previous statement. “Don’t take the wrong idea! It’s not like I’m happy you are risking your safety for me, it’s just…”
“MC,” Jake cut me off all of sudden by calling my name, I surprise with his sudden response, “you really don’t have to worry about me.” He states that word again. The word that I hate so much. How on earth I don’t worry about him?
Without thinking twice, I hit his back out of anger. It’s just a light hit, you all can be chill. I’m just feeling so irritated until I need to hit him so bad. He flinched as soon as I hit him and immediately he’s looking at me with confusion. I’m glaring at him as I speak, “you are so annoying.”
He raises his eyebrows as he tilts his head, still looking at me trying to find the answer. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“That is so annoying of you, how you always eager to protect me and when I want to do the same or just worry about you, you are being like that and not to mention how you said that I don’t have the right to do that.” I didn’t realise my voice is raising and now in high-pitched because I’m venting out the frustration I hold. Yes, I understand we don’t have much time for this argument but he started it!
“Do you remember when you need to go into hiding because of Lilly’s video? Every day, I thought something bad happened to you and I hate myself for it because it means I didn’t trust your ability to protect yourself. But...” I pause a bit for taking a deep breath.  “How could I not worry, Jake? I have no idea what kind of things you have meddled into until government put their attention on you rather than fix this goddamn country!” I exclaimed. I take a glance to see his reaction, but it’s hard because of the mask. His eyes are hard to read either but he is just staring at me.
“It’s not just you…” I’m trailing off, hesitating to finish the sentence but I cannot just stop here. “It’s not just you, you know. I also—I also don’t want to lose you.”
That’s it. I let it out all of my feelings. I’m grateful I managed to spit it out without bawling my eyes out, usually there are some tears slipping out from my eyes every time I’m expressing my anger. But tonight, perhaps my body kind of understand the situation, we cooperate very well.
“MC,” his gentle voice call my name, it sends shiver on my neck. I’m not ready with his counter attack.
“Yes?” I try to look somewhere else but his face.
“I would like to ask you something,” he took a pause for a while. “What I’m about to ask you, might be... little inappropriate.” What is it? What is he about to ask me for? I’m not sure what he is trying to ask from me and the way he told me is not much reassuring at all.
“What is it?” I’m trying really hard to hold my gaze at him in the eyes.
“I would love to wrap my arms around you right now, but of course if you let me.”
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A Clash of Kings - 43 JON V (pages 564-572)
The men from Shadow Tower arrive at the Fist of the First Men, and Qhorin Halfhand catches Old Bear Mormont up on Mance's plans before inviting Jon on a perilous scouting trip.
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It was growing harder to cling to the hope of benjen's Stark's safe return. The cloak he had found beneath the Fist could well have belonged to his uncle or one of his men, even the Old Bear admitted as much, though why they would have buried it there, wrapped around a cache of dragonglass, no on could say.
dragonglass = 🥛
poor Jon, loosing hope that Benjen's alive somewhere.
Jon knew Qhorin Halfhand the instant he saw him, though they had never met. (...) Only thumb and forefinger remained on the hand that held the reins; the other fingers had been sheared off catching a wildling's axe that would have otherwise split his skull. It was told that he had thrust his maimed fist into the face of the axeman so the blood spurted in his eyes, and slew him while he was blind.
That's pretty hardcore.
... he and Cat should start a club for people who sacrificed their hands in some manner to catch a blade in exchange for their life.
"I'll not be going there, I promise you." "The Old Bear's not like to give you a choice." "Might be I won't give him one," said Chett.
Let me guess, they're part of the mutiny... is it still a mutiny if it's ashore? part of the group from the other visit to Craster's Keep.
... brb, googling or this will bother me... Mutiny, noun. "an open rebellion against the proper authorities, especially by soldiers or sailors against their officers." Ah, so it is.
Jon slid his new dagger from its sheath and studied the flames as they played against the shiny black glass. He had fashioned the wooden hilt himself, and wound hempen twine around it to make a grip. Ugly, but it served. Dolorous Edd opined that glass knives were about as useful as nipples on a knight's breastplate, but Jon was not so certain. The dragonglass blade was sharper than steel, albiet far more brittle.
dragonglass = 🥛
Arts and crafts with Jon~ also: ngl, Edd's opinions on things are fantastic, and I have decided that in a modern AU, he would absolutely be a Reactions Youtuber. Like Cinemasins, but actually funny.
... omg! they have MAMMOTHS! I need one.
dozen, I need one dozen. maybe two.
"The old gods are still strong beyond the Wall. The gods of the First Men... and the Starks."
Urgh, that gave me chills. And I would love for it to actually mean something, but with GRRM's opinion on magic and gods, it's probably better if it's more about the faith of men in the bloodline of Stark, not because destiny chose them, or because their blood itself is super special chocolatey fudge covered awesome, but because when push comes to shove, the Starks choose to Ward the North and the realms of men, generation after generation, not because of divine providence but because that's just who they are in their bones.
Also poor Mormont, he has such hard choices to make, so many lives in his hands and no matter what he chooses, someone loses.
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catflowerqueen · 2 years
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One Piece Chapter 1053 Review:
When a chapter is called “The New Emperors,” you know it’s going to be good.
For once I’m with the Elder Stars in wanting to know is who, exactly, managed to actually get a picture of Luffy in his Gear 5 form. It’s not like Momo or Yamato had a camera up there, after all… I guess it does make sense for it to have been that CP0 guy, but you would think he would know better than to show off Nika like that. Unless the Elders hid that even from CP0… Also, weirdly enough I thought Luffy’s poster was actually one for Sabo for a moment? I think it’s because of the wispy bits reminding me of Sabo’s hairstyle.
I am loving Morgans lately. He just does what he wants in favor of getting those big scoops! Makes me wonder if he’s going to try and stowaway/beg to join Luffy’s crew when they finally set off for Laugh Tale, just so he can be the first to know the story.
And congrats to that trio on their new bounties! I think Luffy’s doubled? Which is cool. I’m a bit surprised they’re all worth exactly the same, though. I guess it was easier than trying to figure out the minutia of everything that went down. Also, considering how desperate the Elders were about not wanting Luffy’s D initial to be on the poster, I wonder if their brains would explode if they found out about the fact that Law is also a D, and just doesn’t bother advertising it.
It's hilarious that everyone else—even the actual Shogun and his official entourage, it seems—was too impatient to wait for the fancily cooked meal, leaving Jimbei all alone. I applaud his politeness, but I do hope he will get the chance to hang out with everyone else! …Or maybe it’s just that he learned his lesson after all the rowdiness at the Fishman Island celebration and is taking his chance for peace and quiet while he can. Chopper, for one, is certainly living up to his moniker by literally crying at the fact that there is cotton candy.
And I’m glad we have confirmation that Robin is okay! At least for now. As for that twist about Tengu-san… I am honestly surprised he was not, in actuality, killed at the start of all this, like we had been led to believe. Maybe it was supposed to be a sort of psychological torture-type deal? To have to watch his family come to such harm while his country fell to ruin around him? At least he has Momo and Hiyori now, but I’m not certain how that particular meeting will go if he ever changes his mind about meeting them… especially since I’m pretty sure it will be their first time ever meeting with their grandfather (at least while knowing he is their grandfather).
Oh, wow, Pluton is in Wano? I guess that makes sense… the Viz translation of her commentary in Alabasta made it seem (at least to me) like it was actually buried somewhere there… but I guess she did just say it “tells of the location,” which doesn’t necessarily mean it is somewhere on that island… Assuming the World Government is also aware of this, their desperation to get Robin specifically now, as well as their general interest in Wano, makes a lot more sense. It also makes me glad that neither Kaido nor Orochi could read poneglyphs. Also, it’s rather hilarious that she is just steamrollering all over the Kozuki family drama after confirming that Momo is in the dark about all this. Probably because it just confirms that Sukiyaki has more of the info she is actually interested in.
…And I guess that confirms that Ryokugyu does, indeed, have control over plants… and also seems to explain why he seems perfectly fine after not eating for literal years—he’s just letting his plants do all the work. I wonder if that makes him a paramecia, or a logia? Assuming it is a Devil Fruit at work and not something else, like him being from a race of “tree people” or whatever. I mean. There was that zombie tree thing on Thriller Bark, so anything is possible. Also, he looks a lot younger than I thought he would.
And there’s the confirmation about why all the credit for beating Kaido went to Joyboy! It is indeed to respect Luffy’s wishes about not being called a hero! And Kidd being so upset about the bounty thing, while Luffy is just ecstatic he’s okay and immediately pulling him into a “hug” like that is hilarious. It’s too late, Kidd, you’ve been assimilated into the friendship circle.
But I can’t believe that the people joking about “Emperor Buggy” were actually correct! I mean. I guess it does fit Oda’s style and how inflated Buggy’s general character and deeds are… but still. It makes me even more surprised at the fact that Kidd, Law, and Luffy have equal bounties if Luffy is the only one being named an official emperor. Kidd’s anger makes a lot more sense. …But he still can’t escape the friendship circle. Also, props to Law for taking this all so calmly, but, then again, he kind of already did complete his ultimate goal at Dressrosa, so he has fewer stakes in this whole thing now. I hope Shanks is proud!
And it’s not as much of a cliffhanger as I’d feared it would be, considering we’re looking at a month’s break. I’m definitely worried about what this admiral is going to do, and I hope that the Straw Hats can either overcome it or beat a hasty retreat… but overall it was a nice tying up of some of the loose ends and a good set up for what’s to come in the future.
…I still am a bit disappointed that there was neither confirmation nor denial by Luffy in the matter of Yamato’s crewmate status. Though at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Yamato just hopped on the Thousand Sunny and Luffy only asked, like, three days out at sea what he was still doing there. So kind of exactly what happened with Robin, but with less animosity and suspicion by everyone.
I also wonder about Carrot, since she (and the other minks) apparently did not hop back on Zunesha before their homeland literally wandered off again.
Anyways. I loved the mood this chapter gave off.
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aristobun · 4 months
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"  I'm  drowning  here..  and  you're  describing  the  water,  "  David  fires  these  words  out  long  before  he  even  realises  his  volume  might  have  been  too  loud.
They  had  come  out  for  a  bite  to  eat  at  a  local  restaurant  and  were  currently  seated  at  the  very  back  somewhere,  him  pressed  so  far  to  one  side  of  the  booth  that  no  one  at  all  could  even  see  him,  more  or  less.  It  was  still  really  hard  for  him  to  go  out  in  public  at  all  since  the  accident,  but  somehow,  Helene  had  managed  to  convince  him.
"  Really,  David?  "  she  softly  berates  him  for  even  suggesting  such  a  thing,  frowning  in  her  absolute  shock  at  his  sudden  outburst.  "  You  know  for  a  fact  that  isn't  true.  What's  bothering  you?  I  know  it  isn't  the  way  I've  been  taken  care  of  you,  so  spit  it  out.  " 
The  male  simply  sinks  further  into  his  seat,  almost  becoming  one  with  the  booth  and  releases  a  shaky  sigh  of  frustration,  but  she  notices  immediately  that  there  is  sadness  buried  behind  his  eyes,  too.  All  anger  she  may  have  had  with  him  in  that  moment  just  vanishes  as  though  it  was  never  even  there  and  she  reaches  a  hand  across  the  table.
"  David,  you  know  I  love  you.  There's  nothing  you  can  say  to  me  that  could  come  close  to  changing  that,  so  tell  me  what's  wrong?  "  she  asks  again,  rubbing  her  thumb  over  the  back  of  his  hand  to  reassure  him  that  things  would  get  better.
"  I  don't  seem  to  be  improving  at  all,  Helene.  Every  morning  is  just  another  miserable  realisation  that  I  have  another  day  to  try  and  get  through  this  waking  hell.  I  don't  know  what  the  future  looks  like,  but  it's  been  four  months  since  the  accident  and  I've  been  suffering  the  same  everyday  since,  "  he  pours  his  feelings  out  into  the  open,  his  voice  above  a  whisper  but  not  loud  enough  that  anyone  but  her  would  hear.
Helene  knows  very  well  that  he  is  a  broken  man  now  and  someone  far  different  than  the  man  he  used  to  be.  Her  heart  aches  for  him,  realising  that  he  just  wants  things  to  be  as  they  were,  but  it's  going  to  be  a  very  hard  road  for  him  to  travel  in  order  to  get  back  to  some  sense  of  normality. 
She  makes  sure  he  knows  daily  that  she  isn't  going  to  let  him  walk  that  road  alone,  though.  Always  at  his  side  whenever  he  needs  anything  at  all,  she  delights  in  the  support  she  can  offer.
"  These  things  take  time,  David.  Not  everyone  has  the  same  healing  journey  at  all.  What  takes  a  couple  of  months  for  some,  could  take  years  for  others.  But  before  you  jump  at  me  over  that  one,  I'm  not  suggesting  it's  going  to  take  you  that  long  to  mend.  I  am,  however,  letting  you  know  that  you  don't  need  to  rush  it.  You  need  to  take  this  one  day  at  a  time  and  eventually,  you'll  wake  up  one  of  these  mornings  feeling  like  a  completely  new  man,  "  she  offers  him  a  warm  smile.
Her  words  do  seem  to  pick  him  up  a  fair  bit,  reminding  him  that  it  isn't  the  end  of  the  world  and  it  has  only  been  months  in  comparison  to  what  other  people  have  to  endure.  David  just  feels  completely  worn  out  from  trying  and  the  headaches  do  not  make  it  any  easier  on  him  in  the  slightest.
"  Thank  you,  Helene.  I  don't  think  I'd  have  survived  at  all  if  I  didn't  have  you  to  keep  me  steady  and  on  my  feet  this  whole  time.  It's  harder  some  days  than  it  is  others,  but  I  guess  you're  right.  I  just  need  to  have  a  more  positive  attitude  about  it,  "  he  says,  lifting  her  hand  while  it  clutches  his  own  and  placing  a  kiss  on  the  back  of  it,  smiling  up  at  her  to  let  her  know  that  he  appreciates  her  kindness.
"  I'll  do  my  best  to  help  you  meet  that  level  of  positivity  each  day.  You  don't  need  to  go  through  this  alone,  David,  so  don't  forget  that  if  you  need  anything..  even  if  you  just  want  to  talk  to  someone,  I'm  only  a  call  away,  "  she  reminds  him,  returning  his  smile  and  retrieving  her  hand  as  their  food  and  drinks  arrive  at  the  table.
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weirdkpopgirl · 2 years
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Comfort | Dream Headcanon #4
Headcanon: How they comfort their gf when she’s sad or insecure
Genre: Angst, Slight fluff
Warnings: Mentions of mental health, anxiety, & depression
Word Count: 2423
Author’s Note: It took me a while to write this. Some are longer than others but I did my best to not sound repetitive to all the members. Thank you for reading ^-^
~ ~ ~
MARK
Mark was an attentive boyfriend, and he cared a lot for your wellbeing. So when there was that one small change like the way you seemed to use all your strength to smile at him, he noticed. 
“(Y/n)-ah, you seem tired,” He said when he caught you zoning out again.
“Huh? Oh, I’m fine.”
Mark didn’t ask any further than that. He knew something was bothering you. But you were stubborn and someone who kept their emotions to themselves. You didn’t want to burden Mark with your problems.
Nevertheless, Mark still made sure to keep a watchful eye on you. Even though you never said anything to him, he would be by your side silently. Doing his best to make you laugh and feel loved when you were together. He did these things with the hope that you would eventually tell him what was wrong.
 But the more time passed, the more Mark felt uneasy. There was one day you were hanging out together, and you had left the room to pick up a call. When you were gone for too long, Mark got up to see if everything was okay.
His suspicions were correct when he heard you yelling on the phone. Instantly as he entered the room, he saw you hang up in frustration and angrily ran your hands through your hair. When the first tears fell, Mark decided that he couldn’t stand idly by any longer.
The rapper slowly approached you. You couldn’t even keep it together when you realized he was there. You were so overwhelmed with exasperation and agony, that you couldn’t hold it in anymore. He would place his hands on your shoulders and meet your eyes.
“(Y/n)-ah, look at me.”
Shaking your head, “I-I’m sorry. It’s…it’s just…”
“Come on, let’s sit down and talk.” He took your hand and led you back to the living room. He had you sit on the couch, while he knelt in front of you.
He could feel your body trembling and shaky breaths, as more tears of frustration streamed down your cheeks. It saddened him to see you in this condition. But this was going to happen one way or another.
Gently rubbing his hands over yours, softly he would say, “I…I’ve noticed you were upset recently. And I was waiting for you to come to me.”
He looked into your watery eyes with a sad smile, “But I guess I’m the one who has to come to you.”
His sweet words only made you cry more. “I’m sorry Mark,” you sobbed, “I thought…I thought I could handle everything on my own. I just didn’t want you to see me like…this.”
Mark stood up to hug you. “You know I’m always here for you, Jagiya. You don’t have to hide anything.” 
“You don’t have to suffer alone. Share your pain with me so we can get through it together.” He wiped any remaining tears with his thumb.
He would be with you the rest of the day and make sure you were okay. Once you calmed down, you told him about your argument with your mom and how she’s been tearing you apart. 
Mark listened the whole time and you finally allowed yourself to be comforted. You hadn’t realized how much Mark cared about you until now. But you were grateful to have someone like him in your life.
✎____________________________________________________________
RENJUN
Due to conflicting schedules, Renjun wasn’t able to see you for the past couple of weeks. You had nearly forgotten what life was like without your boyfriend. Before you met, you were dealing with family problems and your depression was getting worse. You were stuck in this tunnel of darkness, and you were on the verge of going completely insane.
Somewhere along the way, you started dating Renjun, you were distracted from the gloomy frame of mind. Now that he wasn’t here, everything you had buried down inside you was returning. You were forced to go back into the field of monsters you and others in your life had created. It was overwhelming and you felt so pathetic.
When Renjun finally got a break, he didn’t hesitate to run over to your apartment to meet you. What he didn’t know was that you had come back home feeling miserable after having to deal with personal matters. So when you saw him at your doorstep with flowers and a smile, you almost broke down right then and there.
You let him come inside and embraced him for a long hug. Renjun was a bit taken aback by your sudden affection. But he gladly welcomed it and hugged you back.
“I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long,” He first apologized, “Did something happen?”
You simply shook your head. “It’s just been a long week. I missed you.”
Renjun would start to tear up when he heard this from you. He hugged you closer and whispered that he missed you too. The two of you would spend the rest of the day cuddling and talking about miscellaneous things. 
It was probably one of the first times you were more affectionate and real with each other about how you felt. He would tell you how much he cared about you and how he was going to make sure you were always smiling when you were with him.
✎____________________________________________________________
JENO
Whenever you were sad, Jeno also felt sad. Jeno knew how low your confidence and self-esteem were. It was hard to see someone he cared about feeling so down about themselves. There were so many things to love about you. Jeno couldn’t fathom how you didn’t see them. But he understood that it was easier said than done.
You were scrolling through your phone, and Jeno had gone to sit beside you on the floor in front of the couch. He peeked over your shoulder to see you looking at female celebrities on Instagram. He heard you mutter about how you wished you could be pretty like them.
“(Y/n)-ah…”
Not noticing the sad tone in his voice, you would start talking to him about all the things you wanted to change about yourself. Jeno’s heart sank further the more he listened.
“Don’t you think I would be better if I-” You were caught off guard by Jeno’s lips on yours. He pulled away and saw your cheeks flushed a bright pink color. 
“Jagiya, you don’t need to change yourself. I love you the way you are.”
You shyly fidgeted with the ends of your sleeves, “But I-”
“You’re perfect,” he said. Your heart immediately softened by Jeno’s words.
“Really?”
He chuckled and petted your head. “Yes and don’t let anyone- not even yourself think otherwise.” 
✎____________________________________________________________
HAECHAN
You were a quiet, gentle, and kind person who spoke softly. Haechan often smiled at this because he liked how your contrasting personalities balanced each other out. But recently Haechan thought you were being too quiet. You seemed to distance yourself from him, and rarely join in any of the conversations with his members.
He knew that you had a lot of anxiety, whether it was about yourself or something else. If one bad thing happened, you were easily pushed into this storm of negative thoughts. More than anything, he wished that he could make all that disappear. But it wasn’t as simple as that.
On one particular day when you were overthinking every little thing, Haechan refused to stand by and watch you suffer alone. He walked up and wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you into a back hug. The boy would then proceed to bring you over to his bedroom to cuddle and plant kisses all over your face. He murmured things about how cute he thought you were and how lucky he was to be with you.
“Are you crying?” Haechan sat up in surprise.
You covered your eyes, “I can’t help it! You’re being so sweet when I’ve been pushing you away this whole time.”
“I know you’ll talk to me when you’re ready.”
“I don’t deserve you.” Haechan chuckled and laid back down with you.
“Now that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” 
But on a serious note, Haechan was saddened whenever you said things like that. He knew that he didn’t tell you enough about how much you meant to him, and he was starting to regret it now. With a pout on his lips, he would hug you tighter.
“You shouldn’t say things like that Jagi. It makes my heart hurt.”
✎____________________________________________________________
JAEMIN
Similar to Haechan, he knew that you weren’t feeling your best these past few days. Though he never said it out loud, he hated how you kept everything to yourself. While without a doubt you were always there to encourage and comfort him when needed, you rarely allowed the boy to do the same.
It was because you didn’t want to burden others with something that wasn’t even a big deal. That was your excuse and Jaemin hated seeing you belittle yourself. Nonetheless, he never pried and let you be. He knew that if he was patient, you would eventually open up.
Then the time came when you were so tired of hiding your struggles and pretending you were okay. Jaemin saw you sitting in a withdrawn position at the end of the couch. In this situation, he would put aside the cute and energetic image and focus on taking care of you.
He could hear your small sniffles. Jaemin would steadily walk over to where you were and kneeled at your level. Noticing his presence, you would lift your head to see him. His heart sank when he saw the rim of your eyes were red from crying. 
“Bad day?” He would ask softly. You slightly turned away and harshly swept at any other tears that escaped. 
“Aish I really didn’t want you to see me like this.” 
You were a total mess and the last thing you wanted was for Jaemin to see you in such a state. Little did you know that Jaemin was relieved that you were letting out some of your emotions. 
He would take your hand and gently rub his fingers across your knuckles. Then he would glance back at you. “What do you need right now?”
Fingers curling into the couch seat, your front teeth nibbling at your bottom lip, debating on how to respond. You looked at your boyfriend hesitantly, and that was when you realized you couldn’t keep up this act anymore. You needed him.
“Can you please just…hold me. For a little bit?” You asked timidly.
Before you could take back your words in embarrassment, you felt the couch sink beside you. He opened his arms for you, “Come here.”
Without any words, Jaemin brought you into his lap and nudged your head to rest on his chest. Just as you had asked, he held you close to him and squeezed in all the comfort he could give you.
“You know how much I love you and how I’ll always be here for you.” He caressed your shoulder. “Right?”
Breathing in, you nuzzled your head into his neck and closed your eyes. “I love you too.” 
He pressed a kiss against your forehead and then leaned down to kiss you on the lips. How was it possible that you were with the sweetest person on earth? You didn’t know if you were ready to tell Jaemin everything yet. But just being in his embrace was enough to let all of what was bothering you dissolve.
✎____________________________________________________________
CHENLE
There was a presentation for school that you had been stressing about for the past two weeks. Chenle was there to witness you spending hours doing thorough research and putting together a neat slide deck. Compared to him, you were always organized and on top of everything. The only problem was the presenting part.
One of your worst fears was public speaking. You just got so anxious at the thought of going up to talk in front of the class. No matter how hard you worked on the project or how much you had prepared, you were still nervous.
You were grateful to have Chenle to practice with. Whenever you got discouraged, he was there to keep your sanity and reassure you. Surprisingly he was a lot more supportive than you thought he would be.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
“What are you talking about? Of course, you got this!”
On the day of the presentation, you didn’t feel very good. The closer your turn was, the faster your heart rate sped up. You tried to remind yourself to breathe, but it wasn’t working well. Then all of a sudden, your thoughts came to a stop when Chenle put a hand over your shaky ones.
“Hey, you’re gonna do great okay?” His big eyes poured into yours. “If you get nervous, you can just look at me.”
When you went up to present, you could see Chenle giving you a thumbs-up. Taking a deep breath, you started your presentation and before you could blink, it was over. After class ended, Chenle took you to get your favorite food to calm any remaining nerves. He was proud of you for getting through this.
“See? I told you that you would be fine.”
✎____________________________________________________________
JISUNG
The poor boy would immediately panic if he saw you crying. You never cried in front of him before, so he was a bit clueless at first. He tried to think about the times when you comforted him and went from there.
Jisung carefully sat beside you and awkwardly patted your back. He knew that you’ve been having a hard time recently. He wished he could do more to help.
“It’s okay (Y/n)-ah. It’s good to let it out sometimes,” he would say and hand you some tissues.
He would sit there quietly with you until you stopped crying. Then he would ask if you wanted to talk about it. If you said yes, he would do his best to listen and try to help you feel better. If you said no, then he would respect that but still tell you that he was there for you.
“Thank you for being by my side,” You hugged him, “I really appreciate it.” 
He smiled, proud that he handled this situation so well. He would definitely do his best in the future to make sure you came to him when you were sad.
✎____________________________________________________________
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cacoetheswriting · 3 years
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a saturday ritual
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: mild swearing, a single parent home, mentions of death (death of a parent & a significant other), mentions of alcohol consumption, and a lil pining, but mainly just FLUFF Word Count: 5.6k Request: anonymous: “I love your Spencer Reid fics! I was wondering if you could write something with Spencer and a single mom reader?? Thanks”
A/N: a very brief summary: spencer is infatuated by his new neighbour, a single mom to a five year old boy who likes to wreak havoc in their shared corridor. also, this one turned out to be a lot A LOT longer than i initially thought it would be but honestly i had so much fun writing this fic, it really could have gone on foreverrrrr ENJOY and as always let me know what you think ! 
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For about a week after you moved into the apartment across from his, Spencer wondered what would be an acceptable excuse to go introduce himself.
Having been away on a case those first couple of days, he missed the initial opportunity. Later, his colleagues told him that was enough of a justification. Much later. Too late. Now the moment has passed, and he wondered whether pretending he needed salt or sugar was a good enough pretext. Lame.
He's caught glimpses of you out in the shared hall returning from the grocery store, or by the post box downstairs collecting your mail. Glimpses. Passing fleeting seconds. Never enough time to say hello, however enough to notice you were really beautiful.
Also enough to notice the little boy constantly tugging at your clothes. From what he could see, the resemblance was uncanny. The boy was your son no doubt. And given that Spencer hasn’t seen another adult around, he came to a conclusion you were a single mom.
It was now Saturday morning. Saturday. A day he usually spent grading papers and preparing class materials for the week ahead. And this weekend began no differently.
With a cup of coffee, he sat at his desk and began working away when an odd droning sound caught his attention. Buzzing. Yet it wasn’t mechanical, no. The peculiar hum echoing outside seemed more manmade. Childlike.
Yes, the brunette doctor deducted, the buzzing sounds he was currently hearing were most definitely airplane noises made by a kid.
At first, he decided to pay no attention to what was going on outside his door. He felt bad enough for not going to introduce himself, so he wasn't about to become the mean man from across the hall who gave out about playing children.
After taking a sip of his coffee, he proceeded to bury his head in the papers scattered across his desk. The sound wasn’t too loud meaning it wasn't a big distraction. He could continue to get his work done despite the clatter.
It was then he heard your voice for the first time. The melodic tone drew him in even more than the buzzing echo. 
Dropping his pen, he instantly got to his feet and ambled towards the front door - now was his chance. 
His hand hovered over the knob, but before he got a chance to do anything, he heard a slam. The noises stopped. Silence once again filled the hall outside.
The hazel-eyed doctor felt slightly foolish. He didn't really know what he wanted to accomplish by springing up so fast. Even if he managed to catch you, what was he going to say? I heard your voice, and wanted to see you. Stupid. You would think he's absolutely clinically insane. I heard you out here, and wanted to finally introduce myself. Better. Although still a little weird.
With a sigh, he sunk back in his seat and continued with his usual Saturday routine. Hoping he would get another chance.
Sunday he heard the buzzing again. Only this time he was walking up the stairs, returning from a late afternoon stroll. 
Once he reached his floor he came face to face with the source of the airplane noises currently echoing throughout the building.
Spencer thought the young boy couldn't be more than five. He was wearing a jumper that was clearly too big on him. Probably one of yours, Spencer thought. Arms spread out by his side, the oversized garment covering his hands in full, the kid ran circles up and down the corridor. A wide grin on his face. The hoodie dragging on the floor collecting dustballs.
Mixed with the noises was the sound of your laughter, coming from inside your apartment. The honey-like harmony was like music to Spencer's ears. A small smile crept up on his features; what the hell was going on with him? How could he possibly feel an attraction to someone he’s never met, held a conversation with.
The boy stopped abruptly when he noticed Spencer. His arms fell, and he ran into your apartment. Vanished as if he’d seen a ghost. Although, he must have been waiting, looking out for when the coast was clear again, because as soon as Spencer closed his own door the buzzing resumed.
It continued on for hours.
Having spent time with JJ’s boys, Spencer was no stranger to the amount of energy little kids possessed. Often when playing he would be the one to grow tired first. He would be the one that needed a break while they continued to wreak havoc. Therefore the noises didn't bother him. He went about his evening, subconsciously listening out for your voice.
The next few days were quiet.
Not like he spent a lot of time at home anyway. Between his classes and his unpredictable work hours with the FBI, he only went back to his apartment to sleep. And that was usually really late at night.
Thursday evening, after a surprisingly short day, he was fumbling through his bag in search for his key when the sudden urge to go and finally say hello came over him. He knocked on your door and instantly heard shuffling inside. There was no turning back now.
Soon you were standing in front of him. Subtly, he looked you up and down. His grip on the strap of his bag tightening. Wow, you were even more beautiful than the glimpses he caught. 
That came off rather stalker-ish, he took a mental note.
“Hello. Can I help you?” You asked while leaning against the frame, one hand holding the door so not let the brunette stranger see inside.
“Hi, I’m Spencer. I live across the hall.” He introduced himself, examining your face for any sort of reaction. Completely blank. “Can I help you?” You repeated. The brunette doctor was slightly taken aback by your cold shoulder. He pursed his lips into a thin smile. “No. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that if you needed anything-” “Thanks.” You cut him off and closed the door in his face.
Spencer took a step back. That definitely didn’t go as he thought it would. He rationalised your behaviour as a response to his tardiness with regards to greeting you and your son in the building. Although he still couldn’t believe you were so, for lack of a better word, bitchy.
Glancing one last time at your door, he unlocked his own and stepped inside. At least now he could say he tried introducing himself. He tried being the friendly neighbour.
Saturday arrived once again in the blink of an eye. This particular morning, the hazel-eyed doctor had an abundance of papers to grade. He made himself comfortable and got to work.
Unlike last week, when the airplane noises didn't bother him, today he found them to be quite irritating. He would reread the same sentences at least twice before he even began to understand them. Not ideal.
Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his already messy curls and let out a deep sigh. He really needed to concentrate, but he also didn't want to be a dick about it. Possibly making the already tense situation even worse.
Quickly, and rather impulsively, he gathered his things. He put on his shoes, threw his bag over his shoulder, and walked out into the hall.
This time the little boy was sitting on the floor in the middle of the corridor. In his hands he gripped two toy planes, flying them around in the air. The boy looked up at Spencer and smiled, but continued to play. Spencer smiled back while locking his door, and proceeded to make his way down the stairs.
Yes. He felt good about his decision to work somewhere else for the day.
That evening, as he was about to reheat some leftovers, there was a knock on the door. It was faint. So faint in fact he wasn't sure if he heard it at first. For a split second he hesitated, his attention now focused solely on the door. Another knock. Louder this time. He hurried over and opened it to greet the mysterious guest.
You.
Dressed in an oversized band t-shirt, one Spencer didn't recognise, and a pair of biker shorts - all covered in spatters of colourful paint. Your hair was up in a bun with loose strands escaping by your face. Spencer also noticed a yellow paint smudge on your left cheek, and white speckles on your forehead. Despite the dishevelled attire, you looked considerably more relaxed than the day he went to introduce himself.
“I guess I should start off by apologising.” You began in that melodic tone he first heard last week. “When you came by, I was really rude. I'm not usually like that, I swear. It’s just I have a lot on my plate right now. Benny’s grandparents, from his dad’s side, are giving me grief for moving so far away from them. Even though it’s only an extra twenty minute drive. But you know, they are Benny’s grandparents and I love them. They’re family. Anyway, minutes before you knocked I was on the phone with them, again about the same thing, and the conversation put me in a foul mood. Which really isn’t an excuse for the way I acted towards you so, yeah, inexcusable. I’m sorry.”
The hazel-eyed doctor couldn't help but lightly smirk. He’s never met anyone that rambled nearly as much as him. He’s learned more about you in the last ten seconds than he did the whole time you lived across from him.
“Okay. Okay, you’re smiling. That’s a good sign, right?” You brought your hands to your face, gently pressing your fingertips to the corners of your mouth as if to cover the embarrassment you were no doubtly feeling right now. “Because I did actually come here to invite you over for pizza. A truly lame attempt to try show you that I am in fact a good person and not that bitch you met.”
“I love pizza.” Spencer simply stated causing a sigh of relief to escape your lips.
“Great. That’s great.” A warm expression graced your facial features. “Oh, I’m Y/N by the way.” You were about to reach out your hand when you noticed the colourful paint covering your fingers. “Mom life.” You joked, cheeks flushing a soft pink, and let your arms fell back down to your side.
You patiently waited for Spencer to grab his keys and phone before making your way across the hall.
Your apartment was slightly larger than his, two bedrooms, and the decor also couldn’t have been more different to his own. Colourful, vibrant, homey. Those would be the words he’d use to describe what he was witnessing.
In the middle of the living space stood a dark green couch. Draped over it were numerous blankets, hiding underneath them were mismatched throw pillows. On the coffee table lay a stack of books, surrounded by children’s toys. The wall behind the television was decorated from corner to corner with various sized frames. Inside those frames were different movie posters, photos, random prints, and what he speculated was some of Benny’s artwork.
He was in awe as to how fast you managed to make this place feel like your own.
“Make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna quickly wash my hands to try get this pesky paint off, and then we can order food.” With that you disappeared leaving Spencer alone to examine the rest of your place.
His attention was caught by a not so white bedsheet, opposite end of the living space. It was covered in paint. On top of the sheet, stood an old pickle jar that was filled with water. It held numerous brushes. Next to it was a plastic box with tubes of acrylic paint with every colour a person could possibly dream of.
Spencer took a couple of steps towards the bedsheet. He didn't want to seem nosey, he just wanted to get a better look at the currently drying canvases. A distinct pitter of small feet caused him to stand up straight, frozen, as if he was caught doing something illegal.
“A-are, are you the pizza guy?” Benny asked curiously, tilting his little head to one side.
“No uhm, I’m Spencer. I live across the hall.” He explained. “Your mom invited me.” That felt like an important thing to add.
Benny sized him up. His eyes narrowed, lips pursed into a serious pout, nose scrunched. He crossed his little arms as if he was daring Spencer. It was rather silly, this five year old trying to intimidate a grown man, and yet the brunette doctor began to feel nervous. He didn't understand why. He was usually really good with kids.
“Benny, bunny, quit trying to scare our guest.” You returned, grabbing your sons attention and breaking the odd charade. Benny’s gaze traveled to you. “Go do a little clean up of your toys please. I saw those planes your pops bought you in the bathtub. That’s not their place, is it?” Benny shook his head and ran off with a loud chuckle.
You glanced at Spencer and shot him a kind smile.
“Sorry about that. He gets the whole intimidation thing after his dad.” “That’s okay.” Spencer replied. You could tell he was being nice, just like he could tell Benny’s dad was a touchy subject. Spencer wasn’t about to make it worse. It wasn’t his place. And you didn't know him well enough yet to spill the secrets of your past relationship. Therefore, the two of you stood completely still for an awkward second just looking at one another.
“Would you like anything to drink?” You asked, breaking the silence. “We have orange juice, water, or mom juice.” “Mom juice?” Spencer raised an intrigued brow. “Wine.” You explained giggling. Spencer nodded his head with a smile. “I’ll have some mom juice then.” “Good choice.”
As he sat down on the couch, you receded into the kitchen, returning shortly with two plastic cups in hand. “I forgot to ask which you’d prefer, red or white, so I brought a glass of each. Whatever you won’t have, I’ll drink.” You reached out your hands. Spencer took the cup with red wine, his fingers brushing gently against yours in the process. Spark. No, he thought. He was imagining things.
Unknown to the brunette doctor, you felt it too. The blood rushed to your face for a split second as you nervously cleared your throat before taking a sip of your wine.
“You have to forgive the plastic cups. One of Benny’s latest favourite activities is pretending to be an airplane and breaking everything in sight, so I locked all my nicer glassware away.” You explained while elegantly plopping down next to Spencer. “Plastic cups are nice. It’s like a picnic.” God, how dumb. He mentally smacked himself. Idiot.
However, your light giggle indicated you didn’t seem to mind. Your eyes widened a little, and he could have sworn they were glistening. “Well thank you Spencer. You’re the first person to say something nice rather than commenting on my parenting style.”
It was the first time you said his name out loud. And in that melodic tone of yours, it echoed inside his brain like a song. Leaving a permanent mark.
“My mom thinks I need to discipline him more, but no-one ever said it would be this hard alone.” You babbled on, completely oblivious to the silent commotion currently going on inside Spencer’s mind. “Benny’s dad was the bad cop per se, I’m no good at it. My son can cause all the trouble in the world, and still all it would take is for him to look up at me with those bunny eyes and all is good again. Probably because he has his dad’s eyes...” You stopped yourself, and chewed down on your bottom lip.
“Sorry.” You fluttered your lashes at the man sitting next to you. “I’ve been told I talk too much.”
Spencer brought the cup to the brim of his mouth and chuckled. “Don’t be. I’ve been told the exact same thing.” He took a sip of his wine.
“I find that hard to believe. You’ve barely squeezed in four full sentences these last fifteen minutes, while I just go on and on and on.”
“Give it time. I guarantee you’ll be sick of me by the end of the night, and I will never get invited over for pizza again.”
Without thinking, you reached out and placed your hand on his forearm. The air hitched in Spencer’s throat as his eyes briefly traveled down to where you were gently grasping. “Consider this your weekly invite.” You said in a silvery tone and proceeded to give his arm a gentle squeeze.
Just like that, Spencer’s Saturday routine was richer by one more item. Perhaps the most important item on the list. Pizza at the apartment across from his.
Truthfully, it was his favourite time of the week. 
During those weekly visits, Spencer quickly learned a lot about you. Where you grew up, any likes and dislikes, hobbies, facts about your family. He learned that you used to teach art at a high school; a job you loved but ultimately decided to leave after you became a single parent. Now, you work at an art gallery only a few blocks from here.
Spencer evened out the scale by sharing his own stories and fables. You were quite surprised to hear about the numerous doctorates he possessed, the work he did, some of the shit he went through, and honestly just how smart he actually was.
Each time you met, you each discovered something new about one another. Something that made you seem even more interesting in the other persons eyes. 
Although, an unspoken agreement was in place, the topic of Benny’s dad was off limits. For now.
When Benny got comfortable having Spencer around, the weekly pizza routine evolved into other activities involving you and your son. Movie nights. Walks to the park. Playground visits. Home-cooked dinners at yours. Puzzle afternoons at his. Spencer taught Benny and you magic tricks, while you taught Spencer how to paint.
Soon enough you were exchanging keys and before either of you even realised, six months passed.
Spencer spent Saturday morning preparing class materials for the week ahead, as usual. Through the thin walls he could hear unmistakable airplane noises and patter of feet running up and down the corridor. He smiled to himself. The echo was a pleasant reminder it was only a few hours until he would see you for pizza.
See during these last few months, Spencer fell head over heels for you. He fell hard. The ever present smile on circling your already perfect features when he was around, your honey-like laughter, your lavender scent, the way you were with Benny, the way you always watched the hazel-eyed doctor with such great interest whenever he broke out into an obscure fact.
The more time he spent with you, the more his love grew.
Spencer knew that he could never act on it. If he was a selfish man perhaps, but he wasn’t. He would never put his own needs ahead of your friendship as it wasn’t just you and him in this scenario. He had to consider Benny. What if the relationship went south and he was just another man to break both of your hearts? No. He’d never act on his feelings. There was way too much at stake.
Though he still considered himself lucky. Having a place in your life, being your friend. That’s lucky.
“Right on time as always.” You beamed as Spencer stumbled inside, closing your apartment door behind him. He ambled towards the coach and sat in his now usual spot - the left corner, with you in the right.
“Where’s Benny?” He asked, looking around for the little monster. “Benny is tucked away in his bed. He kindly requested a slice of pizza to be brought to him once it arrives so it’s really just you and me tonight. Hope that’s still okay with you.” “I mean, yeah, I guess that’s fine.” Spencer teased, shrugging his shoulders.
You rolled your eyes at him, but didn't say anything else on the matter. Odd, the brunette doctor thought. You always had a witty comeback. It was one of the many things he loved about you.
“I’m sure you could tell me how many pizza nights we had exactly, so I took the liberty of ordering our food already.” You said with a small smile.
“Thirty-two pizza nights.” Spencer stated simply. You furrowed your brows. “That doesn't right.” “Taking into account every Saturday we spent together, plus pizza on your birthday, Memorial Day, and the other few evenings we didn't feel like cooking, it adds up to thirty-two.”
“Holy shit. Maybe we should start ordering salads.” Spencer chuckled at your response. “Pizza is a lot better.” He pointed out and you couldn't argue with that logic.
Food arrived shortly after. You briskly took two slices over to Benny on a plastic plate, checking up on him in the process. While you were gone Spencer chose a movie. One that you would both equally enjoy.
You sat down again, only this time you sat beside him in what is usually Benny’s spot. Shoulder to shoulder. Spencer froze completely. Thinking if he’d move even an inch, it would scare you off and you’d shift away. You reached for a blanket and draped it over the two of you before glancing up at the hazel-eyed doctor.
“Is this okay?” Contrary to the usual melodic tone of your voice, the question came out quite croaky. Nervous. He met your gaze, losing himself completely in the colour of your eyes, and slowly nodded his head.
He’s thought about kissing you before and always managed to fight the urge. Although, in all the time the two of you spent together he was never situated this close to you. Your face was a mere few inches away from his. Oh fuck. 
The moment lasted only about half a second, but to Spencer it felt like time stood still. Honestly, if you hadn’t turned away to start the movie, he probably would have lost the inner battle. He wouldn't have been able to hold himself back. He would have kissed you. Maybe he was a selfish man after all.
Swallowing the growing lump in his throat, Spencer also turned his attention to the tv. Without breaking your eyes from the screen ahead, you handed him a slice of pizza which he took gratefully. The two of you ate in silence. Enjoying the movie, but mainly each other’s presence.
The brunette man couldn't place the exact moment you cuddled yourself up to him. One minute he peeked to ask you a question about something that now seemed unimportant and you were just there, your head resting against his chest.
A smile circled his lips. He could definitely get used to this.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m completely lost.” You mumbled. “And that says a lot considering I’ve seen this movie before. I didn’t understand it then, I still don’t understand it now.”
“If you've seen this before, why did you let me choose it?” Spencer asked. You tilted to look up at him. “Because I thought you’d be able to explain it to me. You know, using that big genius brain of yours.”
Spencer chuckled. He lifted his hand and began to gently caress the top of your head. “What if I tell you my theory and it ruins the movie for you?” He asked, but you waved your hand dismissing his question. “What if you tell me and it improves the movie?”
“That’s a fair point I guess. Okay.” He continued to run his fingers through your hair as he began to explain. “The movie seems confusing because it’s actually reverse order storytelling. It kind of works its way from the end to the beginning through a series of flashbacks and flash-forwards. Therefore, as you’re watching, you get a view into Lenny’s diminishing state of mind.”
You raised a brow. “Are you sure you haven't seen ‘Memento’ before?”
He raised his hands palms up. “I swear this is my first time.” He pledged, corners of his mouth twisting into a smile. “Hmm...” “I’m just extremely observant. Plus you know I love puzzles, and this movie is like one giant puzzle.” He continued. 
“Let’s pretend I believe you Spencer.” You said squinting at him, before turning back to look at the tv. The brunette man smirked under his breath. His hand once again tangling itself in your hair.
The sound of a delicate tiptoe approaching the living room caused you to sit up and reach for the remote. Although to Spencer’s surprise you didn't move away from him. Instead, you leaned your body into his side so that if you wanted, you could place your head back on his shoulder.
“Mommy.” Benny muttered. With a little hoist from you, he scrambled into your lap. “Mommy.” “What’s up bunny? Mommy was just finishing a movie, and then I would have come check on you.”
Benny shook his head. He gripped onto the collar of your t-shirt with one hand, the other travelled to your face. He pushed himself into you, angling your head so that he could whisper something in your ear.
Spencer watched as the smile on your face widened at whatever it was Benny said. The young boy pulled away, and waited for your response. “I don’t know kiddo. Would you like me to ask him?” Benny nodded, also now grinning.
“Spencer?” You turned to address the brunette man. “What is your opinion on pillow forts?” He saw the sparkle in your eyes and he couldn't help but smile. “I love pillow forts.”
Within the hour, the living space was completely transformed into a squashy soft kingdom. Benny joyfully screamed that this was the best pillow fort ever as he crawled inside, teddybear in hand.
You nudged Spencer’s arm before staring up at him. “Thank you.” Your eyes locked as your hand slid into his with ease. Fingers instantly intertwining together like magnets. 
“We haven't done this since his dad passed. I’ve suggested it many many times, but he uhm, Benny never wanted to.” Pause. The expression on your face dulled. Mouth quivering as you spoke. “Ehm, his dad was a pilot hence my little guys obsession with planes. He died really suddenly nineteen months ago. Benny was so so small. And I don’t really know how much he remembers of his dad, I mean I tell him stories all the time and so do his grandparents, it’s just hard to tell sometimes if uhm... Pillow forts were like their thing, so after his dad I think they were too painful for Benny.”
Spencer gave your hand a gentle squeeze. You were both now standing toe to toe, facing each other fully.
“I guess Benny just needed to feel ready again. Happy even. So what I’m trying to say is, Spencer, thank you. Truly. Thank you for brining joy back into his life.” You hesitated, biting down on your bottom lip.
“Thank you for brining joy back into both of our lives.” 
It meant a lot to Spencer that you finally felt comfortable enough to share more details about Benny’s dad. He never wanted to replace the man, he wouldn't dream of it. All he really wanted since the day he met you was to make you a little bit happier, and to hear he was succeeding warmed his heart.
You immediately noticed how his face lit up ever so slightly. A miniature smile circled your lips. “I just hope we didn't obscure your life too much these last few months.”
Using his free hand, he placed the loose strands of your hair behind your ear. Gently caressing your cheek with his thumb in the process. “Are you kidding? There is nothing I would rather be doing. I love spending time with you guys.”
Your eyes sparked with admiration.
“I love our pizza nights, overanalysing different movies with you, listening to Benny’s rendition of ‘In Summer’ from ‘Frozen’. Heck, I love that I now know what ‘Frozen’ is.” You chuckled as he carried on. “I love painting with you, and how you tell me I’ve gotten a lot better at it even though we both know that’s not true. I love that you get a long with my friends. I love that I can take you and Benny over to JJ’s for playdates. Surprisingly, I love playdates. I love how you let me read to Benny when you’re cooking. I love that he loves when I read to him. And of course I love your cooking.”
Tears formed in your eyes, blurring your vision. Tears of happiness. Tears of joy. The man standing in front of you was saying all of the right things, and he didn't even know it. Or maybe he did. You couldn't really tell. The intense emotions circling through your mind right now made it hard to think.
Spencer continued. Now that he started, he couldn't stop. He wanted you to know all of these things. He wanted you to know how he felt. 
“I love when we go grocery shopping all together, and how you give out to me for my bad diet habits. I love how that always makes Benny laugh. I love how you framed a photo of the three of us and hung it up on your wall, don’t think I didn't notice. I love building lego sets with Benny. I love how the two of you call me when I’m away on a case to make sure I’m okay and tell me about your day. I love the sound of your voice. I love... I love Benny.”
He paused for a split second.
“And I especially love you.”
Tiny salty droplets trailed down your cheeks as you fluttered your lashes. “You love me?” You asked quietly. Spencer nodded his head. “I do. I’m in love with you Y/N.”
You didn't say anything. 
Spencer thought he was done for when you let go of his hand. He thought he ruined it. His nose twitched. His stomach dropped. He was about to apologise, say that if you didn't feel the same way it was definitely more than okay. He just wanted you in his life. But he didn't get a chance too.
Instead, your hand was now holding his face. Your lips attached themselves to his in one breath. He instantly noted how they were softer than he could have ever possibly imagined.
You tasted like coconut chapstick. Like bliss, delight. Instinctively, Spencer’s arm wrapped itself around your waist pulling you as close as humanely possible. He could feel your heart beating in rhythm with his. As your hand tangled itself in his curly hair, he wished this moment could last forever.
When you pulled away breathless, your cheeks were flushed pink. You briefly bit down on your bottom lip before once again meeting Spencer’s inviting gaze - his arm still holding you in a tight embrace. 
“Tell me again.” You whispered. Spencer’s lips circled into a warm smile. “I love you.” He declared. You slowly traced along his jawline with your fingertips. A bright bream circling your features. “I love you too Spencer.”
The second those words filled the air, he picked you up by the waist and spun you around. A carefree shriek slipped out from your mouth. He set you down and gently grabbing your face, he hauled you in for another kiss.
“You have no idea how long I have wanted to tell you all of those things.” He muttered against your lips. His stubble grazing your chin.“How long I’ve been wanting to kiss you.” You giggled.
“Maybe one day you can enlighten me, but I think now we better crawl into that fort as it is way too quiet in there. Suspiciously quiet.” 
Spencer laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” The two of you broke apart. Hand in hand, you joined Benny inside the pillow kingdom. 
The boy was tangled up in a fuzzy blanket, slowly drifting asleep. He cuddled himself up to you the second your back hit the ground. You kissed the top of his head before turning to Spencer.
“Do you want to finish the movie?” You asked quietly.
“It’s okay.” He effortlessly squeezed his arm behind your neck. This allowed you to snuggle in closer and rest against him. “We can just lay here.” “What a perfect plan.”
The smile on your face caused Spencer's heart to skip a beat. He placed a kiss to your temple feeling 100% content.
It was Saturday morning. Saturday. A day Spencer used to spend grading papers and preparing class materials for the week ahead. Now, thanks to the woman sleeping peacefully beside him, his Saturdays looked much different.
Gradually, you stirred next to him. Eyes fluttering open as a yawn escaped your mouth. “Mhmm, good morning.” “Good morning beautiful.”
“How much time do you think we have?” You asked while stretching. “I would say,” Spencer glanced at the imaginary watch on his wrist. “, about five minutes.” He looked down at you and began slowly leaning in. You couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. “Let’s make ‘em count.”
A clatter of fast approaching feet caused you to halt right as your lips were about to touch. Spencer groaned knocking his head back against the wooden headboard. 
“Your calculations were a little off Dr. Reid.” You teased sitting up as he ran his fingers through his ruffled hair. He looked at you once again with the kindest smile. You loved that smile. 
“My apologies Mrs. Reid.” He pecked your lips just as the door flew open, your kids bursting through.
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masterlist
spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​
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dancingamongstdust · 3 years
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Creepypasta Scenarios - First Meeting Part 2
Hoodie
The area where you lived had a ton of back alleyways that acted as shortcuts in a pinch. They were generally safe but you often got an uncomfortable feeling when using them so you preferred to take the busier roads if you could.
Unfortunately, when you had gone to leave work that day, you had spotted the customer who had been harassing you the entire day. It wasn’t anything creepy but it was over-the-top persistent and you weren’t in the mood to deal with it. You slipped out the backdoor as a result. At least you’d get home sooner.
For the most part, you didn’t encounter anything too suspicious and the light from the streets illuminated where you were going.
The large bins outside the grocer’s home indicated that you were getting close. You sped up and rubbed your eyes blearily.
Ahead of you, a dog was barking from inside one of the buildings. It was a pretty noisy animal and you began peering around to see what the source of its agitation was. Ironically, you ended up bumping directly into him.
“I’m sorry,” you apologised, rubbing your shoulder.
The guy was tall, wearing dark clothing and standing right in the shadows. You could have probably noticed him if you were a little more awake.
He turned and your breath caught.
His face was obscured by a dark mask with red features stitched onto it. His hoodie which originally seemed dark was now illuminated into a soft yellow or orange, stained with a dark substance.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. His voice crackled out, clearly coming through a voice changer of some kind.
“I – I was just taking a shortcut home. I live near here so I thought… I really didn’t mean to bump into you. I’m super tired.”
“Tired or not, you shouldn’t have seen me,” the guy said. “Do you have a phone or a camera?”
Slowly, you reached into your bag and pulled out your phone. “I don’t have any cash in my wallet –“
“I don’t want your money!” he snapped. “I’m not some petty thief, believe me, I have better things to do with me time. Unlock this.”
You did so and he went through it with a gloved hand. He didn’t have a weapon but something in your gut warned you to just go along with it. Nobody covered up everything, including their voice, when they were up to something good. This guy may not be a thief… but the alternative didn’t feel too much better.
He shoved your phone back at you. “Get out of here and don’t breathe a word of this to anybody. Consider yourself lucky that I’m in a good mood today.”
You swallowed nervously. “Thank you?”
“I’m serious,” he warned. “I can let you go just because you seem pathetic enough to not take this to the police but unless you want to catch a bullet in your back, you’ll keep quiet. My boss doesn’t like people getting involved with this nonsense.”
“A bullet?”
He didn’t answer and your heart thundered in your chest. Part of you wondered if he was going to kill you while you ran away but his attention seemed to have moved away from you. You hurried away, holding your breath the entire time. Every time you glanced over your shoulder, the guy remained unmoving.
When you reached your home, you locked the door tightly and slumped against it in exhaustion.
Homicidal Liu
The sunset was beautiful over the graveyard – the only beauty to an otherwise morbid place.
You stared at the purples and oranges dancing across the sky. The wreath pricked at your hands after a while and you stared down at it. Why did you still bother with bringing flowers? Hadn’t it been long enough? Still, you made your way down to the grave and placed them there, not even bothering to read the name on there.
Lately, your graveyard visits had becoming fewer and fewer. Time hadn’t been on your side recently and thus, your precious solitude had to suffer. You relished in the way that nobody really bothered you here.
An orange glow warned you when the streetlights came on. Perhaps you had been there for longer than you thought but this was to be your last visit.
Better to make it count.
Something caught in the wind made you raise your head. A piece of fabric was stuck in the nearby fence, identifiable as a scarf when you ventured closer.
You took it from the fence and looked around for its owner. Nobody was in view… maybe it had been blown off one of the graves? It did seem homemade.
Guessing, you began to place it on a grave when a voice startled you.
“I’m sorry to bother but I think you have my scarf?”
The man was standing far too close for you to have not seen him when you were glancing around but you blamed that on your night vision. He wore dark clothing and seemed awkward just to be speaking to you.
“Thank goodness,” you said. “I was just going to leave it on one of the graves because I didn’t know who it belonged to.”
He thanked you for it, wrapping it around the lower half of his face almost immediately. “That would be a waste,” he said. “Especially to leave it on this one. Thank you for grabbing it.”
A harsh wind blew through the graveyard, carrying with it the smell of an incoming storm. He grabbed his scarf just in time to prevent it from going flying away again.
“Seems like the weather is determined to steal it from you.”
“Far more powerful things have tried.”
You buried yourself further into your jacket and smiled. “I haven’t seen you around before, are you new in town or just coming to visit a new grave?”
“I’m not visiting a grave,” he admitted. “I just thought that this would be the way back to my house… I grew up in this town but only recently moved back and I’m already lost. It’s a little embarrassing if I’m honest.”
“Well, I like to know everybody,” you said. “What’s your name?”
“Su – I mean, Liu,” he said. “Liu. Sorry, I nearly gave you my surname.”
You laughed. “Oh that’s no problem. It’s nice to meet you but I really like your name. Is it Chinese?”
“I don’t know,” he said. He looked around and began walking away. “I really have to go. Thank you for getting my scarf and all that.”
“I’ll see you around,” you said with a wave.
It was only later when you realised how suspicious that entire interaction was. You had never seen Liu before in your life and he was just hanging around in the graveyard? He hadn’t seemed too creepy at least. Maybe you would see more of him in the coming days.
Jane the Killer
It wasn’t that you were unobservant or inattentive toward girls but nobody had really caught your eye until Jane.
She was stunning in a way that few people could ever match with dark hair that tumbled past her hips and soulful eyes. Her walk was always confident, her smile always perfect, and her attention always desirable. Your main regret about life was that you didn’t speak to her sooner – especially when you thought back on what happened not too long after your first meeting.
You organised with your friends to somehow bump into her but instead, you wound up getting treated for a pretty painful bruised hip. Your second plan didn’t work out either and your third never even left the drawing board.
“Just go up to her and say hi. Tell her that she’s beautiful,” your friend encouraged. “She’ll say thanks and then you’ll be able to talk to her.”
“That’s so boring though,” you said. “It’s not like something out of a romance novel.”
Your friend groaned and stood up. “Well, I’m going home. We have like three months left of high school and I’m not going to spend that time obsessing over how to speak to a girl. She’s literally a regular person.”
They were right and you knew that. No matter how you tried to set up a sweeping romance, it probably wouldn’t work out.
So you tried.
And you tried.
Two weeks later, you were about to give up on mimicking a romance novel and it appeared that your friend was thinking the same thing. She grabbed your arm and began to drag you somewhere, muttering about changing the topic. You had a vague idea of where you were going but you didn’t fight too much.
“What if she’s still dating that Woods boy?” you asked. “The older one.”
“They broke up after literally a month of dating. I don’t blame her – those Woods boys are pretty enough but the older one has something seriously wrong with him. And the younger one is always talking to himself…”
“I really don’t care about the Woods’,” you commented.
“No, you care about Jane who is honestly quite weird as well,” they said. “But that is going to be your problem and not mine.”
They dragged you directly up to her group. It wasn’t large – despite Jane’s beauty, she wasn’t incredibly popular due to her associations. Your friend wasn’t the only one who was a little scared of the Woods boys and Jane had hung out with them for quite a while.
“Hey,” your friend said before even letting you go. “You have no idea who we are but my friend here has a massive crush on you. Could you please just say hi so they can get it out of their system?”
You were sure that it was unhealthy to be as red as you were. It felt like your heart was about to leap from your chest.
Jane laughed, a soft and gentle sound. “I’m not really interested in a relationship,” she hummed. “But thank you. That’s very flattering.”
Somehow, your heart sped up still and you awkwardly rubbed your arm. “No problem?”
“Why don’t you join us for a little bit?” Jane offered. “Just because I don’t want to date anybody doesn’t mean that we can’t become friends. You look like my kind of person.”
You stumbled over your words but somehow, your conversation managed to go extremely well. Jane was brilliant in every possible way and you quickly grew attached to seeing her every day. That was why you mourned so greatly when she died.
Jason the Toymaker
The sun was so warm against your skin. You could stay there forever, stretched out on the grass and basking in the sunlight.
“It’s done,” your friend’s voice broke through your daydreaming
You opened your eyes and rolled over to see exactly what they had been working on for the entire trip. After realising the first few times that you weren’t going to get a reaction, you had decided to wait for them to finish working before you tried to have a conversation.
“I didn’t know you could draw,” you said. “That’s amazing.”
The hyper-realistic man was sketched to perfection with a top hat, a fur coat, and a small mouse sitting on his left shoulder. It felt like his eyes could piece into your soul.
“Who is that?” you asked them.
They stared blankly at the image and shook their head. “I don’t know,” they said. “He’s been in my dreams for so long. I think it has something to do with my amnesia. Maybe I knew him once before.”
“He’s a little intimidating,” you said. “I could imagine him to be a ringleader in a circus that’s like a secret cult. Maybe he’s why you lost your memory.”
“Maybe…” they said, tapping the picture. They suddenly shoved it into your chest and stood up. “You keep that. I don’t want it anywhere near me. I need to go talk to my parents.”
You watched them race out of the park in confusion. The man in the picture stared up at you with haunting eyes.
Folding it in half so it didn’t freak you out, you stood and dusted off your clothing. Maybe it would be best if you headed home. It was getting late either way.
Later on, you’d call your friend and check up on them.
About 10 minutes away from your house, the feeling of being watched snuck up on you. It hung heavily around your shoulders like a cloak. You glanced around but saw nobody.
Still, you didn’t feel comfortable leading whoever was following you back to your house. You made a point of walking amongst large crowds and headed for the police station.
They were watching you the whole way.
You sped up. A few people bumped into you and you apologised as best as you could. Your grip on the picture was getting tighter enough for you to tear it. The later it got, the fewer people were on the streets and so you were pretty much alone when you bumped into him.
It took you a few seconds to recognise the man from the drawing.
If you thought his drawn eyes were captivating, they had nothing on his real ones which glowed with an almost ethereal light.
“You’re him,” you breathed.
He stared at you, smile falling from his face in confusion. “Who?”
You shakily held out the drawing and he yanked it from your hands. “My friend drew that,” you explained. “They said that its of somebody from their past. They have amnesia you see.”
He was unmoving as he studied the picture. You began feeling a little uncomfortable and then his gaze snapped to you. “Is that so?” he asked.
You nodded and took a small step away from him. “Maybe you should go and talk to them? See –“ you swallowed nervously. “See if you can help them remember?”
“No need,” he said, dropping the paper on the ground. “Who are you?”
Your name came out as little more than a soft whisper. Something about the entire scenario made you uneasy. His appearance was too unnatural.
A gust of wind came by, picking up the drawing and whipping it away. You watched it go and when you looked back down, his eyes were locked on you.
“Such a pity,” he said. “You would have been the perfect doll.”
Wearily, you took a step backwards. His words made your stomach churn uneasily. “What are you talking about?”
He smiled. It was kind and warm but it only made you more nervous. His eyes looked like they had almost changed colour; shifted a shade darker than previously. “Thinking aloud my dear,” he said.
“About dolls?” you asked.
He tilted his head a little towards you. “I’m going to have to bid you goodbye. It seems I have other matters to attend to.” He brushed past you, stopping briefly when directly next to you. “Consider yourself lucky.”
He was gone before you could even spin around to face him.
Jeff the Killer
Pausing the song, you removed your earphones as quietly as possible and placed them down on your desk. According to the blinking numbers on your phone screen, it was nearing 2 AM. Far too late for anybody to make an excess of noise.
You listened closely. The music had been too loud for you to hear anything and you almost brushed the strange noise off as your sleep-deprived imagination. Until something squeaked like shoe soles on tiles.
In retrospect, you should have immediately called 911 but you didn’t want to sound a false alarm.
The light switch was thankfully directly outside your room. The hall illuminated most of the house when they were on and it steeled your nerves. Your roommate’s door was open, allowing you to confirm their sleeping state, curled up in their bed amongst the piles of mess. They had had to move to the spare room due to a faulty window earlier in the day and had clearly given up sorting items.
You glanced into the apartment’s other rooms before heading to the kitchen. There was nothing odd. The scuttling when you entered the kitchen just suggested that your neighbour’s rat infestation may be migrating.
Making a mental note to call the exterminator, you turned to switch off the kitchen light.
Something slammed into you, forcing your back to collide with a wall. A hand covered your mouth and the overwhelming scent of blood and decay invaded your nose. Something cold and sharp pressed against your neck.
“Shut up and stay still,” the man snarled at you. “I don’t think anybody will appreciate you getting blood in the kitchen.”
Your heart leapt into your throat and your body stilled. The man in front of you was terrifying. His skin pale and mutilated. Eyes far too wide for a normal person and dancing with an insanity that sent chills down your spine.
And his mouth… a bloody smile carved across his face, stretching halfway to his ears.
He studied your face carefully and his expression twisted. “You’re not the right one,” he snapped. The knife moved away from your neck, so he could point with it. “I had this all planned and yet when I came into that room, I found it empty. Why?”
Even if he hadn’t been holding your mouth shut, you doubted you would have been able to formulate an answer. The pounding heartbeat in your ears was nearly blocking out his voice.
He lightly tapped your cheek with his knife. “Not that it matters,” he said. “I’ll just have to adapt my original plan. You’re not the right target but I’m a huge fan of collateral damage.”
A small whimper escaped you and tears welled at your eyes. You didn’t want to die.
“Don’t blubber!” he ordered. “View it as a good thing. You’ll be all over the news. Another victim of Jeff the Killer. Hell, you might even be added to a Wikipedia page or something.”
You could recall that name from the news. Often followed by a lengthy list of deaths and the police chief begging for any information about the murderer.
Jeff stared at you for a long minute before he pressed the knife’s blade to your throat and moved his hand away from your mouth. “Scream and I will remove your vocal cords,” he threatened. “Who are you?”
It took several deep breaths and a flicker of impatience in his expression to give you the ability to talk again. You stammered out your full name as quickly as you possibly could.
He rolled his eyes and tilted the knife so it scratched your skin. A sticky and warm substance ran down your throat in small droplets. “Pathetic.”
“Sorry,” you whispered on instinct. “Please don’t kill me.”
“Why not?” he asked. “You ruined my earlier plans to take out my original target by interrupting me before I could find them. Why shouldn’t I settle for you instead?”
You didn’t have an answer.
He took the blade away from your throat. “If you call the police and report what happened here tonight, I will slice you into little pieces.”
It was almost twenty minutes after he left before you regained any movement in your body. You slumped into a heap on the kitchen floor and started sobbing.
Kagekao
Things had been going missing around your house.
Initially, you had thought it was just due to you forgetting where you’d plopped things because it was simple things. Drinks that vanished, keys turning up on the opposite side of the house, and random spills that you didn’t remember making.
But then it started getting weirder still.
You would make food and pack it away, knowing that you would eat it later, and find it gone. Picture frames disappeared, never to be seen again. Your rug half-unraveled during the night and you found it in a pile the next morning. A candle in your bathroom fell over and, somehow, the curtains on the other side of the house had caught alight.
It was suspicious, to say the very least. You began to think that you had some kind of intruder – once, the news reported that a woman found a homeless man living in her attic and eating her food when she wasn’t looking.
So you went out and bought cameras, setting them up throughout your house.
For two weeks, they caught nothing until one of them ended up breaking. You went to get it repaired and the company managed to recover what it had last seen. Which was nothing on your first glance.
But you were soon to realise, that was only because you had been looking at the floor.
While you were rewatching when you got home, you noticed something. The window was sitting wide open and the camera’s angle only allowed you to see half of it. Right toward the end of the feed, a gloved hand appeared on the side of the window and a slight shadow indicated something climbing through.
So you got reinforced windows and made sure that none were open unless you were in the room.
Things still continued happening.
You were beginning to get really annoyed by this. It was tempting to go to the police and let them just handle it but that was going to be a lot of effort that you really didn’t care for. You didn’t feel like you were in much danger. Nothing had happened in your bedroom.
Your next plan was to set up a trap of some kind. With a hidden camera set up, you made extra food and left it on the counter to see if something happened.
The next day, you watched as a plastic toy of some kind was thrown directly into the plate from somewhere off-camera, breaking it and leaving an absolute mess everywhere.
Still not considering it to be anything dangerous, you just cleaned up the mess and loudly cursed out anybody who was listening. You stalked the house after that, searching every nook and cranny with a bat in hand. The final place was the closet in your bedroom and you peered in, expecting nothing.
When you turned around though, you spotted something sitting in the corner of the room.
It was humanoid with arms twisted into awkward positions and a mask on its face. Half the mask was black and the other white, both sides bearing an unnaturally smiling expression. The creature cackled when you saw it and scuttled out of the door, stuck to the roof the entire time.
A second passed.
Then another.
You pinched your arm hard and waited to wake up. Surely there was no way… I mean, why would… humans didn’t generally crawl along the ceiling? Well, you were quite sure they never did that. You must have been imagining it.
A second laugh corrected you on that.
You swallowed thickly, walked over to your door as calmly as possible and locked it. Then you took out your phone and finally called the police.
Kate the Chaser
The day when Kate was sent away remained very clear in your mind. It was a moment that brought extremely change to your life, mixing up your friend group and sending you in a different direction.
The years has passed and you had never gotten over your best friend. They said that she had lost her mind and you knew it was true. All those games investigating the woods and ghost hunting must have put a toll on her mind. Sometimes, you blamed yourself for all the pranks and you knew that Lauren had similar doubts.
And now she was back.
Lauren and you hadn’t remained close, the entire situation feeling too real with one another. Your greeting was stilted but neither of you wanted to be the first to approach the house.
“Do you think that she remembers us?” Lauren asked.
“If she didn’t then her mom wouldn’t have invited us over,” you said.
You stood in complete silence, staring up at the house. Would you even recognise Kate? The last time that you had seen her was when you were both young children and her face remained at that age in your memories.
Eventually, you gained your confidence before Lauren and you walked over, knocking on the door before anxiety could find you.
Kate answered the door and you forgot why you had ever been nervous.
Time had slimmed her face and shortened her hair. Her eyes were still a gentle brown and the cockiness had faded from her smile, but it was recognisable from your nostalgia. It made you feel warm and known – an aura that you had missed without even realising it.
“Hi,” you greeted.
Kate pulled you into a tight hug and you returned it, clutching at her tightly as though she could slip through your fingers. It really had been too long and when you moved away, she held onto Lauren with the same enthusiasm.
“How have you been?” she asked. “You have to tell me everything.”
The three of you spent the rest of the afternoon having tea and just talking about the world at large. Kate didn’t have many stories from the hospital – she claimed it was because the place had been extremely boring and neither of you pushed to find out more about it. Honestly, it was more comfortable to act as though she had simply moved away.
Lauren had to leave first and you were going to go with her but Kate had looked so down that you remained just a little longer. That was when things got weird.
“I’ve missed music a lot,” Kate sighed.
“Did they not allow you to listen to music?”
She grimaced. “No, they did but often I couldn’t hear it over the static. Its mostly gone away now but it came back last night… it fills my brain and all that I can think of is a way to make the pain stop.”
The colour drained from your face as you stared at her. You didn’t know much about what happened to her but you had thought she would be okay now.
Realising it, Kate hurried to reassure you, “I really have recovered,” she said. “My hallucinations have faded and my medication keeps my emotions in check. You really don’t have to be scared of me.”
You stared down at your cup awkwardly. “I’m not scared of you,” you reassured her. “You’ve never done anything to me.”
She nodded. “It will be alright, you’ll see. I’m ready to get back to a normal life with my friends and not have to worry about that ghost stuff ever again.”
Laughing Jack
It was on your leg…
The glare you fixed the small child with could wilt plants. It didn’t care though and merely clutched at your clothing with a happy smile. “Come play with me?” it asked. “I can introduce you to all my friends!”
“How old is she again?” you grumbled at your friend.
Your friend laughed and ruffled their cousin’s hair. “I had an imaginary friend when I was 10. She’s only 6, she’s still at the stage where they’re a big deal.”
The child was oblivious to your conversation and reached out her arms. “Come on. The parents are being boring. I have candy that my friend gave me. We can share it.”
“I agreed to come along to your family get together to keep you company,” you said to your friend. “You know I don’t like children. Babysitting really isn’t my forte.”
All you received for your complaining was laughter.
By the time you had the 4th teddy bear had been introduced, you were done. Why did one kid have so many toys?
“Now which one of your friends gives you candy?” your friend asked. “Because if it’s from Princess, I don’t think it’s edible. What if she secretly puts glitter in it?”
Expected to play along, you sighed. “Unless it’s glitter from rainbows because then it’s got magic powers and allows you to fly.”
The child liked your thumb-sucked statement because she jumped up in excitement. “I don’t get it from Princess. Jack gives it to me! But if Princess can make me fly, I want to have that kind of candy instead!”
“Which one’s Jack again?” you asked, eyeing the line of toys.
“He’s not here right now,” the child said, biting her inner cheek. She turned in a circle. “Sometimes he hides in the cupboard though!” She ran over to her cupboard and pulled the doors open. “I don’t think – OW!”
She reeled backwards, clutching her cheek. Both you and your friend immediately jumped up and ran over to her. A tiny slice mark ran across the side of her face. It wasn’t anything serious, but she was sobbing as though it would kill her. You presumed a small edge on one of the boxes in the cupboard had been the cause.
“Do you want me to take you to mom, so she can kiss it better?” your friend asked. “Your new best friend can wait here and make sure all your toys are safe.”
The child nodded, and she got led out of the room. You rolled your eyes at the sensitivity and reached into the cupboard to push the box out of the way. A clawed hand reached out of nowhere and grabbed your wrist tightly.
Before you could even shout, it lifted you off the ground by your arm and a second hand had wrapped around your mouth.
The monster’s body appeared out of the closet.
It was a clown. Easily 7ft tall and comprised of monochrome colours with a sharp, pointed nose and long, greasy hair. Its black lips spread into a smile, revealing pointed teeth and a sickeningly sweet breath.
You writhed against its grip, trying to scream or do anything but it was insanely strong, and it just laughed at your efforts.
“How mean,” it purred, leaning in close to your face. “You ask who I am and then, when I appear to you, you insult my appearance. Awful etiquette. Your parents should be concerned about how rude you are to strangers.”
You strained your memory to think about what you had been doing before it grabbed you but the adrenaline was clouding your mind. What had you asked? You struggled more with the lack of memories.
The clown shook its head. “I haven’t revealed myself to somebody so old in a long time. You should be flattered but instead you choose to try and kick me. This is why I don’t do this. Children are far more polite.”
He released you suddenly and you landed hard on the ground. It winked and disappeared, right as your friend and her cousin returned.
“You met Jack!” the child shouted excitedly, pointing to the candy lying next to you.
You shoved it away from you as quickly as possible.
184 notes · View notes
parvulous-writings · 3 years
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Stars //Sith!Obi-Wan x Pregnant!Reader
Request:   Heya! First of all, I just want to say, wow!!! I loved wvry word of the Vader x Reader you did, and reading your notes, I really don't mind it as an AU! I've never really read anything to do with Sith Obi-Wan before, though to be fair I only just got into Star Wars again 😅 This isn't really a request, but from what I can see from your posts, you seem to really like Obi-Wan, well, Ewan Mcgregor in general 😂I wanted to ask if you could write another x Reader, but this time a Sith Obi-Wan AU?Thanks for reading! -Red ❤ p.s, @rey-is-not-a-skywalker, you're welcome for requesting the sith x reader, I guess you're obsessed as I am 😂 p.s the second, I'm loving the new pfp!
Requested by: ​Red
Summary: The reader has some news for Sith Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi
Warnings: The reader is AFAB, pregnancy
Words: 1.7K
Notes: You would be correct in assuming I love Obi-Wan and Ewan McGregor as a whole. Also I’m glad you like the new pfp! I am also in love with it! :)  Did I self indulge with this oneshot? I think you know the answer. Leave me alone, I am too much of a simp at this point.  I have never been pregnant, so some of this may be inaccurate. 
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An old Jedi’s fall from grace was a never a pretty sight to see, it was no glorious tale to tell from any side. It was full of hurt, pain, hatred, suffering. This was more than true for the fallen Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. His downfall was the least expected out of those who turned away from the light, he had always been the most loyal of men, the most faithful of soldiers.  Perhaps, in part at least, this was what drove him away from his original allegiance. He was an exceptional leader of course, the most fantastic of generals, but besides that, in the larger picture, to the Jedi Order as a whole he was nothing more than a faceless defender of the galaxy. Just another of the tens of thousands Jedi.  Another factor that led to the man’s path to the dark side, was you. What you made him feel. The passion, the love. An indescribable feeling, all he could say about it was that it was truly wonderful. He did not mind the fear, or the hatred that came with it, for you made it all worth it. The massive highs compared to the lows outweighed them greatly, and thus he gave it all for and to you. His passion, his loyalty, his love. Everything he had, every fiber of his being, he gave it all to you. If he could turn the worlds on theirs heads, and you gave the word, he’d do it. 
You had initially been shocked at the man’s sudden change of life-plans and of loyalty. Though, the more you thought about it, the more you began to convince yourself, perhaps he had made the right choice. He wasn’t so uptight in regards to public affection now- he’d often smother you with kisses in front of company, or hold your arm or hand as you wander about in cities or halls. Despite the Sith being the darker beings of the Force, the life you now lived was almost... Peaceful. After a while, you very much enjoyed it. There weren’t so many rules now, and you both felt free.  Though, not everything about your new life was free or peaceful. There were times that Obi-Wan was pulled away from you much like in the way he was during the times of the Republic and the Jedi Order. He’d be wrenched from your embrace for weeks or months at a time, and the holocom conversations you shared were not the same as actual conversations. The comforting presence you both gave to one another were missing, and it was painfully obvious to the pair of you. 
One particular night, whilst Obi-Wan had been away, you were staring out at the stars- each of them twinkling from their position on the blanket of the night from their positions thousands of light-years away. They fascinated you every night, though you knew some of the planetary systems by name and had visited a few yourself, you couldn’t help but imagine what could be hiding away on them,  what could be awaiting discovery. They also distracted you from something plaguing your mind on this particular night, something you needed to get off of your chest. It had been bothering you more and more over the last few days, ever since you had made the discovery. 
You are brought from your train of thought by the bleeping of your comm. You move leisurely to answer it, there was only one person who could be calling you at this time of night, but you knew he wouldn’t mind you taking a moment longer than usual. You answer your lover’s call, and a murmur on the other end of the line hushes- he must have been talking to someone as he awaited your answer. “Ah, my beloved.. I thought you had fallen asleep.” He mused quietly, his smug expression clear even through the blue hologram, and you can’t help but chuckle at him.  “No. I was looking out at the stars,” You tell him, plainly. Sunsets and night skies held a special place in both of your hearts; you had spent many nights on Coruscant looking out at them, telling each other the wishes you had made on shooting stars that you rarely saw. You heard Obi-Wan sighed quietly. He knew your habits when he was away, and what they meant. “I should be returning soon, my dear.” He assured you, lowering his voice to nothing more than a whisper. “I am trying to get this done, you know, but it’s not as easy as-”  “I know, I know.” You cut him off, wrapping your arms around yourself, looking down at the floor. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Obi-Wan’s brows furrows, clearly he’s noticed your odd behaviour. 
“Something’s bothering you.” Obi-Wan notes, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his long robe. “Tell me,” He demanded. Though his tone was soft, it was still very much a command. You start to shake your head at him.  “I would rather not... Not over the comm.” You start, looking over to his projection. He looks even more concerned than before- partially because you disobeyed an order from him, and partially because you were willingly withholding information from him. You never did either of those things, not with him. You were both in balance, and trusted each other completely. He knew this had to be incredibly serious for you to say something like this.  “Then I shall return immediately.” He no longer cared for his assignment; he would much prefer that he knew you were safe and out of harm’s way. You start to shake your head more frantically.  “No, Kenobi- you must finish the task the Emperor has given you, he-”  “Can wait.” Obi-Wan finished abruptly. You could tell from the way he stood and held himself- chest out, shoulders back, spine rigid and straight-  that he could not be swayed on this. “He can wait.” He repeated, wanting the words to sink in, for you more than himself. “I will be returning, whether you agree with me or not. I will be back by the morning.” And with that, those final harsh words, he ended the call. You sighed quietly, running your hands over your face in exasperation and stress. You hadn’t wanted to pull your lover away from the mission he had been given, you had wanted to wait just a few more days till he returned as had been planned. You sighed deeply, moving away from the comm, heading towards bed as you strip off your clothes.  You nestle under the covers, wrapping your arms around yourself for some comfort. 
By morning, you were well rested. As your eyes started to crack and flutter open, you became acutely aware of the arm around your waist, and the head buried into the back of your neck. You shuffle slightly to look over your shoulder, smiling slightly at the peaceful expression on the face of the sleeping man behind you. By rights, you didn’t even have to turn over to know that it was Obi-Wan, you knew the feel of his aura and his touch. Still, it provided a sense of comfort, knowing with more certainty that it was him. You shuffle round to face him fully, brushing some of his auburn locks away from his closed eyes. His nose scrunches ever so slightly at the contact; and he too starts to wake up. It’s a slow process for him, and always had been. Even during his time serving the Order; though your mornings together were few and far between, you had noticed this little pattern of his. His eyes crack open like yours had done, and a drowsy smile moves over his lips.  “Good morning, darling...” He yawned softly, before pressing a gentle kiss to your jaw. “You look stunning...” He told you, his lips still pressed against your skin as he gave you the compliment- no doubt the first of many that morning.  “You flatter me, Obi..” You murmur in reply, and presses kiss after feather-light kiss over your jaw and neck.  “I speak only the truth for you, my love...” He trailed off for a moment, as he started to push himself up onto his elbows. “Now... Onto business...” He mused, “You still need to tell me what’s bothering you.” He pointed out, and he was right, as he often was. “So, I would start talking, my dear.” 
Though his demeanour is playful, you know you shouldn’t argue this time around. You sit up, leaning against your pillows as your try to think of how to start talking about your recent discovery- despite it’s wonderful connotations, it was not as easy as one might think. “Obi...” You begin.  “Darling.” He replied, hardly missing a beat.  “I have some... Rather pleasing news.” He nods, prompting you to continue. “You... Are going to be a father.”  It takes him a moment to actually register your words, for their meaning to sink in. He practically tackles you back into the bed when it clicks somewhere in his mind, the widest smile on his face. He’s laughing breathlessly, hardly able to believe the news or contain his excitement because of it.  “Is it so?” He asked, his hand splaying over your stomach as he spoke. “My, my...” He mumbled- and it was moments like this that showed how much he had changed from his old ways. Had you given such news to him whilst he was still a Jedi- he would have panicked at first, asked if you wished to keep the child, and if you had done he would have likely asked you to leave to a slightly more rural planetary system. He had no fear now, and so didn’t need to ask you. He accepts it with ease in these times, and is more than happy to receive such news.  He had no fear in rearing a child now, so long as you wished for it too. He paused as this thought washed over him, then gave you a curious look. “Are we... Keeping the child?” He asked, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.  “I think we could be wonderful parents... If you’re not away so much.” You poke your finger into his chest.  “Alright... I will discuss it...” He mused, resting his head near you abdomen, gazing at it in wonder. He could hardly believe that your child- the fruits of both of you- was growing there, and he was more than just excited to meet his child. He pulled you close again, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances as the morning wound on, till you eventually fell asleep again in his arms, comforted by his presence. 
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beardrabbles · 3 years
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silence.
characters: GN!reader, mammon
warnings: like.  .  . one curse word
word count: 1,157
notes: oh, hey, another new fandom! :D this has probably been done before, but i’m weak as all heck for mammon. this is incredibly self-indulgent. i rarely write for myself, but one of his home screen lines made me wonder ‘cause i’m a quiet person, even on the phone.
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‘ Ya know how sometimes you're on the phone with someone, and suddenly it goes quiet? I hate that. ’
You weren’t sure why at first, but you’d fixated on that off-hand comment the moment it reached your ears. Mammon was a notorious complainer, griping about anything and everything if it meant getting a speck of attention from you or his brothers. While you had learned during your time in the Devildom that it was best to acknowledge his grievances but never take them to heart, this one stuck with you — wasn’t until you’d thought about it over and over again that you realized why.
Whether you intended for it or not, you were not a noisy person. Not only were you soft-spoken, but you rarely spoke if the situation didn’t require you to. Peaceful moments of pure quiet were your forte, which made communicating with Mammon a challenge at times. His mind and mouth were always trying to outrace each other, but you tried to keep up. You wanted to keep up.
You sat against your headboard, DDD trapped between your ear and shoulder and fingers picking nervously at the fluff on the pillow you were hugging. Only a few moments ago, you had eagerly listened to his newest scheme, humming here and there to let him know you were taking in his every word. You always did. His voice, coupled with the enthusiasm behind it, was mesmerizing. You were capable of resisting a demon’s charms, but you weren’t immune to just how brightly his entire being glowed when inspiration struck him.
So when you found yourself met with the same silence during a late night call, you wondered if his patience had finally worn thin.
“Mammon.  .  . ?”
“Mm?”
“Are you alright?” You chewed at your lip, little and irregular spikes of anxiety making your chest tingle unpleasantly.
“I’m doin’ great! This plan is foolproof. Come tomorrow, we’ll be rollin’ in grimm!” He didn’t lack enthusiasm, but the sudden silence from seconds ago still bothered you. “Why are ya askin’?”
“No reason!” You paused, hesitated around the lie, then let out a miniscule grunt. “I mean, you got really quiet. You were all excited, then you stopped talking.”
Mammon huffed on the other end of the call. “So? I don’t see what the big deal is.”
You shifted in bed, face half-buried in your pillow. “It’s just.  .  .”
“Just what? Come on, spit it out, will ya?”
“You said before that you hate when it gets quiet on the phone! I know I don’t talk a lot, and it gets annoying. I thought because you were quiet now that you were getting irritated with me.” You swapped your phone from one shoulder to the other, the hot screen pressed to your even hotter cheek.
“You remembered I said that?” Came the demon’s small, mumbled response. It wasn’t the reply you expected, but it was a question you could easily answer.
“Of course I did!”
“And that’s what ya’ve been worryin’ about the whole time we’ve been talkin’?”
“Y—Yes?” You chewed at your lip, concern still sitting like a heavy, lead ball in your chest.
“You’re dumb, y’know that?” A sharp bark of laughter on the other end of the call made you flinch. Normally, his laughter was a comfort, but the sound of it and his words made you feel worse. You sunk into your bed, eyes growing downcast.
“Gee, thanks, Mams. Glad to know I can be open and honest about how I’m feeling with you.”
“Wait, I didn’t——! I didn’t mean it like that!” From his end, there came a muffled but rapid string of curses and muttering. You thought you caught a vague ‘ idiot! ’ somewhere in there, but it was hard to tell. “I just meant that ya don’t gotta worry about dumb stuff like that. I know what I said, but.  .  .”
It was your turn to push now. “But what?”
“I dunno,” grumbled Mammon bashfully, “I guess I don’t mind when you’re quiet. I know you’re listenin’ to me, even if ya don’t say much. And I —  Ilikejustsittinghereandlisteningtoyabreathecauseitmeansyou’resafeandhereandrealandIcanpretendyou’remineforalittlewhilebutitwouldbecreepyashellt’saythat.”
“Woah, Mammon. Slow down, I didn’t catch any of that.”
“That was the point.” Mammon sighed. “Do I really gotta repeat myself?”
“Please?” You knew it was never wise to beg around the Avatar of Greed, but just this once you didn’t care.
“.  .  . If I say this, ya can’t use it against me! And I ain’t gonna repeat myself!”
“I know.”
“Ya promise ya won’t laugh?”
“I promise a hundred times over.”
Mammon sighed, and you could feel him preparing himself. When he spoke next, his voice was small and honest, and the sound of it alone made your heart skip. “It ain’t ever bothered me that ya get quiet. I like just sittin’ here an’ knowin’ you’re there. Even if ya don’t say much, I know ya ain’t ignorin’ me like my brothers do. On the phone or when we’re sittin’ t’gether, don’t matter. Just.  .  . makes me real happy t’think ya might be comfortable enough t’be yaself around me. I know my mouth runs a mile’a minute sometimes, but ya’ve never once made me feel bad about it. I like this.”
“I like it too.” You weren’t sure how you managed to speak around the lump in your throat, but the words squeaked past. “And I’m never gonna make you feel bad for talking a lot. I want to listen.”
“I know ya do. And I wanna listen too, I swear! O—Only ‘cause I’m provin’ how thoughtful I can be! S’just, sometimes I get goin’ and——!”
“It’s alright. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. If you wanna talk, talk. But.  .  .”
“Hmm?”
“My phone’s getting kind of hot. Do.  .  .” You trailed off, nerves getting the better of you again.
“I’m all ears, treasure.” The nickname was new and had caught you off guard the first time, and it still proved to knot your stomach when you heard it every time after that.
“Do you mind if I come be quiet in your room for a bit?”
“Ya know I don’t mind. Oh, but ya know that new series ya said ya wanted t’binge watch?”
You were in the process of grabbing your charger from the wall when the seemingly random question caught you. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Ya don’t get here in five minutes, I’m startin’ it without ya!” You could hear his toothy grin and knew for an absolute fact that he relished in making you rush, especially when the line died and gave you no room to argue. Quiet you may be, but you weren’t above muttering a curse when the situation called for it.
“Ass.  .  .” Yet you said it with a fondness meant only for him. He could be an ass, but you wouldn’t have him any other way.
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My (kind of) entry for @sicktember prompts #1 and #11 sorta combined. Medieval fantasy-ish.
The wind bit through their layers of clothing, even where they sat huddled before the fire. The flames swayed enticingly, the hot coals below looking like a warm cave they longed to curl up in. Though at this point they figured not even that would warm their frozen bones.
"A?" They looked up and saw B watching them, concern in their eyes. "How long have you been out here?"
A shrugged, another shiver taking hold of them. "A few hours, I guess."
"Hours? A, you're clearly exhausted. Go back to your tent, I'll take watch for now."
They just shrugged again, turning back to the fire. There was an aching behind their eyes that had only worsened over the past while, as much as they longed to shut them they knew it would only be all the worse if they did. They longed to sleep, to flop over right where they sat and let their sore muscles rest for a while.
B sat down beside them with a huffing sigh. "So something's bothering you. Isn't that right?"
At this point, A was far too tired to deny it. "How can you tell?"
"You always stalk off on your own when something is wrong. You get all quiet. More quiet than usual, that is."
Normally A might have laughed. But now they were simply too exhausted for it. "I haven't been feeling my best, that's all. Nothing that important."
"How so?"
"It doesn't matter."
"A."
B was giving them a side eye. They knew it, even if they weren't looking at them. Another chill hit them, making them pull their cloak tighter around their shoulders. They coughed a little into their shoulder, not realizing until they did that there was a deep ache in their chest, spreading into their arms. "I've just been tired, chilled. I ache all over." They shot B a look. "Probably just from riding all day, I'm sure."
"Oh, to be sure." Even as A curled up tighter, resting their chin on their knees, they could feel their friend's eyes on them.
Exhaustion weighed down on their eyelids, forcing them shut. They buried their face in the folds of their cloak, allowing the darkness to soothe the aches in their head and eyes a little. Soon B would leave, they knew that. Everyone left eventually.
Sure enough, they heard the shuffle of boots, the sounds of somebody standing and walk away. Maybe it was their tiredness, but they felt tears closing up their throat. Stupid. They'd known B was going to leave. They'd known. They shouldn't have been surprised.
The wind blew harsher against them in their huddled bundle and they shivered worse than ever. Out of nowhere their face and neck felt uncomfortably hot in comparison to the icy block of the rest of their body. They pried it up from their knees and were hit with a wave of dizziness. Maybe B was right, and they should just go back to their tent.
Another repeated thud of footsteps came up behind them and they turned, wincing as the dizziness worsened.
"Here you go. How long has it been since you've eaten?" A blinked. It took them a moment to make sense of that they were seeing - B, standing over them with a bowl of steaming soup in their hands.
"You came back," they said blankly. They'd thought...
B shrugged. "Of course I did. What, did you expect me to leave you here by yourself?"
They didn't answer that. "I just didn't...thanks, B."
"Not a problem."
A's heart warmed a little just at the feeling of them sitting down beside them again. They hadn't been abandoned. Not yet.
The soup warmed them too. It was a good, strong broth with some herbs and bits of meat, but not much else. Which didn't bother them much - they hadn't been hungry in a while. But the warmth of it was nonetheless comforting. They sat and sipped, the soothing heat of the soup and the fire lulling them from the inside out. They almost could forget how sore their head and tired muscles were, and how the world spun when they turned their head too suddenly.
Halfway through the bowl they couldn't make themselves eat anymore. Their body felt weighted to the ground; if they didn't have to move for a hundred years they would have been happy. When the half empty bowl of soup almost slid from their grasp for a third time, they felt a firm but gentle hand on their arm. "Come on, you're dead on your feet. Let's get you back into your tent."
This time, A didn't bother to protest. They let B pull them to their feet, one arm around their still trembling shoulders. The ground swooped out from underneath them and they stumbled, swaying against their friend.
They heard B chuckle. "Watch yourself, A. You must really be exhausted."
Responding took too much effort. Instead they let their head flop against B's shoulder as another wave of dizziness tugged at them. The camp torches eventually faded from their sight as they approached the wooded area that held most of the tents. By the time they reached their own they were shivering worse than ever, their head pounding in time with their heart. If they didn't lie down soon they really would collapse.
The next few minutes were a bit of a blur, but they could hear B's cheerful voice talking away as they helped A into bed, even helping them pull off their boots and tossing every blanket they possessed on top of them. It was a little better in there, warmer yet darker, and lying flat made their head stop spinning, even if there was only a light mat separating them from the hard ground beneath.
"Get some sleep," said their friend's voice from somewhere above them. "I'll take your watch."
It wasn't long before they slipped into an uneasy sleep, disturbed by dreams that flitted around half formed until they could no longer tell if they were dreams or not. They opened their eyes a crack, still half asleep, and saw a dark thread on the wall of their tent...the thread became a spider creeping slowly towards them, they jerked back but instead of waking up the spiders only bored into their dreams, speaking to them with evil voices. Then they were struck by lightning and frozen in place, all their muscles taut and rigid, unable to move, unable to breathe, everything aching...a dark shape rose up above them until it was too big to see, stretching all around the tent, it reached down and grabbed them...
This time they sprang awake with a cry, scrambling backward away from the terrible shadow fingers that reached out for them. They couldn't breathe, their head was pounding, surely they were going to die...
"A," said a half familiar voice. "Hey, A, it's just me. Breathe."
They tried. In an instant they started coughing, their chest sore and ragged. A pair of strong hands held their shoulders, rubbing gently. "You're all right. Deep breaths now, I just need you to breathe."
A slumped against B's shoulder, worn down completely, their breath shuddering in their chest. Their limbs burned and froze and shook all at once, the ground beneath them tilting horribly. They felt themselves being laid down again, grasping out for their pillow. B's voice remained in their ears, gentle and comforting.
A second voice joined theirs. "Are they all right?"
A hand brushed their forehead. "They've got a fever, trouble breathing..."
"The poor thing..."
"Please don't go," A said hoarsely, suddenly terrified. Their eyes cracked open a sliver, B and now C too blurred in their vision. "I - I don't want to be alone."
"Of course not." B brushed the hair out of their face. "You're going to be just fine, we'll take good care of you."
Their eyes burned, head aching terribly. They could hear shuffling, the hushed voices of B and C and others from the camp in the background - probably talking about them, their overtired brain finally caught up enough to realize.
"Don't help me." It took them a second to tell they'd spoken out loud, but once they began they found it hard to stop. "Don't, I'm just a burden to you...please leave me be."
C's gentle voice was close to them now. "I thought you just said you didn't want to be alone?"
"They're mostly delirious, C." That was B. "Don't pay attention, just wait with them while I try and get my hands on some medicine."
A slid into a half sleep, imagining shadowy fingers creeping up their shoulder and voices whispering in their ear. Their eyes snapped open once, heart racing, but all they saw was the dim light of a candle and C's anxious face above them. Whimpering a little, they curled over on their other side, fighting to ignore the spinning in their head and the sickening ache in their joints. Everything was too much.
For a while it remained too much; no matter how much they tossed and turned they could not get comfortable, sore muscles and chills beating them down the worst. B returned with a spoonful of some bitter herbs that they managed to coax down A's throat despite their protests, which did nothing but leave a sour feeling in their stomach. They could not tell whether it was day or night anymore, all they knew was that they longed to sleep and couldn't seem to no matter what, and could not escape the pain that encircled them.
Their friends' faces merged with each other, and other faces they'd known long ago and thought to have forgotten, sometimes they thought they cried out for people no longer alive but in the small part of their mind that was still lucid hoped very much against it.
Once they woke up with a cry of fear from a nightmare that was already fading away, but the terror still clung to them. They shivered violently in the dark, limbs and head burning, until they felt another blanket go around them and C's voice shushing them and telling them to go back to sleep.
It continued on like that for a while. There were times when they were fully awake, but those times only meant they could feel the full effects of their illness, and they found themselves craving sleep when they came. B or C sat with them most times, but sometimes others would poke their heads into the tent to see how they're doing, sitting with them and making jokes in an effort to cheer them up, or just bringing them a bowl of soup when they hadn't eaten in a while. They never realized so many people cared about them.
Finally, one day they woke up to find their head was no longer pounding, their limbs still horribly stiff but not quite as sore as they had been. With weary eyes they looked automatically to the side of their cot and once again saw B sitting there, one hand laid gently on the top of their head. "You're awake, I see. Feeling any better?"
The hand in their hair was soothing. "A little," they answered croakily. "Did - did C come in too, or was that a dream?"
B chuckled. "Half the camp visited you at some point. They were all very concerned, did you expect them not to be?"
A lump rose unexpectedly in their throat. "I - I guess I did expect that."
B sighed. "A, we care about you. All of us care about you. How many times can we say it? Or show it?"
A was too tired to halt the tears that slipped from their eyes. "I'm sorry," they muttered, "I'm just...not used to people caring very much."
"Well, get used to it. You don't have to do this all by yourself, A."
It was too hard to stop the tears now, so they let them fall and curled up tighter under their blankets. They still weren't sure how much control they'd have over what words came out of their mouth, so they kept it shut for the time being, and tried to think of nothing but B's careful hand running through their hair. They had friends. They had a family.
It was almost too much.
But in a good way.
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Hello! For Mermay can you do Lambert x Aiden and #11 - courting season? ♥️ ♥️ ♥️
thank you for this one, I have been meaning to write more Lambden and this was an excellent excuse to do so!  ❤
warning for monster anatomy and smut
It's a good thing the Cat school has long since been disbanded because if any of Aiden's peers knew what he was doing, he'd never live it down. There's still the caravan, but Aiden has never associated with them, so he couldn't care less what they think about him and Lambert is more important to him than their opinions. The only problem is that Lambert isn't, in the strictest sense of the word, human. Technically, Aiden was hired to kill him, but that's just details.
What's important is how Lambert makes him feel. Because he doesn't do sappy shit like fuck the same person more than once, but Lambert makes him want to. It's been months and he still keeps coming back.
It started with a contract back in the autumn; local fishermen had complained about a creature ripping holes in their nets and stealing the fish for itself. Petty squabbles that could likely be solved by other means, but Aiden won't say no to a job that easy, so he accepted it. It turned out to be a misunderstanding; Lambert was simply getting back at the fishermen who had wronged him or the villagers in town - he pretends to be rough and grouchy, but deep down he's actually quite soft. And Lambert had been very thankful when Aiden had cleared things up, assuring the fisherman with complaints that the creature was now dead and wouldn't bother them anymore.
So, if Aiden has come back a time or two, he can hardly help it. Lambert's a great lay and doesn't mind the weird bits that others usually shy away from. And, regrettably, Aiden likes him for more than just the sex. Because Lambert's a snarky bastard and he's funny and he's a great storyteller if he can be coerced into it. But the worst part is when they're just lying there, usually immediately after sex, and it's quiet except for the breaths mingling in the sea air. And they can just be. When Lambert will tentatively reach up and curl cool, webbed fingers around Aiden's and pretend like he's not, but he'll just lie like that for as long as he's undisturbed. It does something funny to Aiden's heart that he tries not to look too closely at.
But this time, when he arrives at the secret beach they've designated as a meeting spot, Lambert isn't there. Aiden can smell him still, so it hasn't been long since he was here - he probably isn't hurt, or anything - but he's just not around. He frowns to himself and sits down at the water's edge to wait. Maybe he had to do something last minute and he's just delayed.
Aiden leans against one of the rocky cliffs that juts out of the ground, stretching his legs out almost all the way to the next. The opening to the sea here is quite small and it's a wonder he ever found Lambert in the first place, but it affords them some privacy from the town on the other side of the cliffs. He shuts his eyes, letting the warm summer sun beat down on him and crosses his arms behind his head to wait.
After half an hour, Lambert still hasn't shown up. But the smell of him still hangs in the air. He's lingering somewhere, just on the edge of Aiden's range of sight or something and he's sick of it. Whatever his reasons for not showing up, Aiden's had enough of it. It's been months since he's seen him and, as much as he's tried to deny it, he's missed him.
"Hey," he shouts, clambering to his feet, "hey asshole, get out here, you're late."
There's nothing, not even the sounds of water rippling and Aiden frowns.
"Lambert, I know you're here, just come out and see me."
Nothing, again. Aiden sighs and shuts his eyes.
"Lambs, if something's wrong just tell me. If you don't come and see me I'm gonna assume something happened and I'm gonna have to go on a rampage through the village and-"
"You don't have to do that."
Aiden turns to see Lambert's head and shoulder just breaking the surface of the water. He's frowning at him, but Aiden beams.
"There you are," he says, crouching down next to the edge. "The fuck kept you?"
"Can't do it this time," he shrugs and Aiden's grin turns to a frown.
"Why not?"
"Just… not now. Come back in a couple weeks or something, I don't know."
Aiden pauses, doing a quick once-over of what little of Lambert he can see and he realizes he's tense. Unusually tense. He reaches out to him, but Lambert flinches away and that's the last straw.
"Look, if something's wrong-"
"Nothing's wrong," Lambert snaps, "just get outta here."
"Lambs, if you're in pain or-"
"Go."
"I'm not going," Aiden says stubbornly, dropping to sit cross-legged across from the merman. "If you want me to leave, you'll have to give me what I want."
"Which is?"
"You."
"Bribing me for sex now?" Lambert scoffs. Aiden just laughs at him.
"Like I'd need to. But I wouldn't. I just… I missed you, idiot, 's been a while."
"Told you," Lambert grumbles, a little quieter, almost regretfully, "come back in a week."
"You don't have to hide anything from me. I'm happy to go if that's what you want, but can you tell me why?"
Lambert crosses his arms and sulks, turning away from him and Aiden isn't sure what to do. He's never seen him like this before and he wants to help, but Lambert is sensitive and he doesn't want to press. He waits as Lambert continues to ignore him, but eventually, it becomes evident that Lambert is not backing down.
"Fine," he mumbles reluctantly, "see you in a few weeks, I guess." He's just about in the middle of the field when Lambert's voice breaks through the silence.
"Wait." Aiden is too stunned to even be smug about it and he turns back to him. "Don't... don't go."
"Gettin' some mixed signals here, Lambs. What do you want? Stay or go?"
"Stay," he mumbles quietly, "please."
Aiden turns back and crosses to sit between the cliff faces again, looking down at Lambert where he's still in the water. He crouches down, elbows on his knees, and raises an eyebrow.
"You wanna tell me what's going on now?"
"Mating season," Lambert mumbles, almost silently. "Hate this time of year." Aiden can't help the sigh of relief that accompanies him flopping to the ground again.
"Gods, Lambert, I thought something was really wrong."
"Shows how much you know."
"Then tell me." Aiden shifts closer to the edge, so his knees hang over the ground when he crosses his legs again. Lambert sighs but swims right up, resting his elbows on the rock as he grumbles.
"Everyone else is off building nests or picking mates and I- I'm not."
"Look, if I'm the problem-" Aiden starts, ready to get up and leave again and never return if it means Lambert's happiness. But Lambert stops him, lifts a hand to settle on his knee.
"No," he says quietly, "it's not because of you. Just the same bullshit as always; why would anyone want me?"
"Does it matter?" Aiden asks gently, "if you choose a mate? You've always got me."
"'S not the same. And it's hard... to be around you right now."
"I'm... sorry?" Aiden says.
"Never been like this before," Lambert mumbles, "never felt so strong before."
"What hasn't?"
Lambert's cheeks flush and he frowns at the rock beneath them. Aiden slips a hand over his where it's still resting on his knee.
"Whatever you're afraid of, you don't have to be."
"This time of year," Lambert grits, "I- we- it's some stupid shit to ensure the continuation of our species or some dumb shit."
"Oh," Aiden says, realizing with a start, "oh. You're in heat?"
"Fuck off."
"Oh, Lambs," he grins, tipping forward onto his knees to lean over him, "if that's what it is, I can help. But I've been here before in the summer and-"
"You can't," Lambert says abruptly and Aiden drops back on his heels.
"Right, of course. It has to be another mermaid right? or a merman? merperson> I'm sorry-"
"No. It doesn't."
"Then let me help? You know I can make it good for you. What you need, Lambert, let me help."
"Can't ask you to."
"Why not? We've fucked more times than I can count, why not now?"
"Because it's different. Because usually that's all I want - to fuck - but this time I want you."
"And here I am." Aiden grins, spreading his arms wide and Lambert just gives him a look. It takes him a second, but Aiden realizes it's not just sex he's talking about. It doesn't take him any time at all to make a decision.
"If you want me," he starts, "I'd be your mate. If that's what you want."
"Fuck off, Witcher."
"I'm serious Lambs, please." He shuffles closer and this time, when he reaches out, Lambert lets him touch. He runs his thumb over Lambert's cheek and draws his fingers up under his chin. "I wouldn't keep coming back if I wasn't interested," he breathes and Lambert just stares at him.
Aiden knows he won't make the first move, he leans down, getting his hands under Lambert's arms and tugging him up and out of the water. Lambert eventually assists and they land in a heap, Lambert fitting nicely between Aiden's legs.
"I want you," Aiden whispers, bringing a hand to the back of Lambert's head and drawing him close. He kisses him softly, but when Lambert squirms, Aiden can feel the long length of his cock, already free and hard where it presses against Aiden's sodden thigh.
Lambert tenses for a moment but Aiden runs a soothing hand down his back and he relaxes, following the motion. He whines softly against Aiden's lips and reaches up to run a hand through his hair. It tugs a little, webbed fingers not being the greatest for combing through hair, but Aiden just smiles against him and slips his hand a little lower, moving over the swell of Lambert's tail.
"That's it," he mumbles, "let me take care of you."
Lambert doesn't speak, but he buries his face in Aiden's neck, whimpering as his hips rock urgently, pressing his cock between Aiden's thighs. He's still completely dressed, but Lambert seems unconcerned, nipping at his shoulders and jerking against him. It's hot as fuck and Aiden can't bring himself to do anything but watch, sliding both hands to Lambert's tail to help him keep steady.
"Gods, you're gorgeous," he mumbles, "gonna come for me, Lambs? Fuck my thighs and come just like this?"
Lambert whines loudly and seizes up abruptly, shoving his hips forward and biting down on Aiden's neck. Warmth seeps into his trousers and Aiden groans as Lambert's hips slow to a stop and he flops on top of him.
"Fuck, you really needed that, didn't you?"
Lambert rolls off of him, embarrassed, but Aiden moves after him, circling an arm around him and rolling him back again.
"No need to be embarrassed," he mumbles, tipping to kiss Lambert's mouth, "I know you, I want you, and seeing you like this is… fuck, Lambert." He winds a hand around Lambert's wrist, tugging his hand down to press against the front of his trousers. He's hard already and Lambert's hand closes around him reflexively.
He strokes a little, tentative, and Aiden is stunned to see him like this, so soft and nervous. He rocks into his palm eagerly, biting down on Lambert's lip.
"Touch me," he says, "don't hold back. Do what you want with me, I'm yours."
Lambert lets out another stifled moan, then shoves him onto his back, kissing him firmly even as Aiden laughs. He's pinned under Lambert's weight, delighting in the heavy warmth of him as he squirms back to settle between his legs. Strong fingers tear at his shirt, barely bothering to get the buttons undone before tugging it off of him and then he's pressing sharp claws into Aiden's chest, just shy of painful.
"Need you," he rasps and Aiden reaches up to cup the back of his head, drawing him into a fiery kiss. Lambert slumps against him, all but limp in Aiden's arms and he doesn't resist when Aiden pushes him back over.
He gets on his knees above him, sliding one hand between them to wrap around Lambert's cock, already fully hard and slick again, and stroking straight up to the tip. He presses his thumb inside, stroking slowly as Lambert bucks beneath him and doesn't withdraw until Lambert breaks the kiss to curse at him.
"Gonna set me off again like that," he pants and Aiden knows he wants to sound angry, but he comes across desperate and it's sexier than it should be.
"Want me to?" Below him, Lambert's dark eyes grow wide and his mouth drops open. "I will if you want. Whatever you want, Lambs."
"Please," he mumbles, "Aiden, please."
Aiden grins wickedly at him, bending to kiss him again as he presses his thumb deeper, stroking the outside of his cock with his fingers as Lambert jerks into the touch. He's never touched him like that and heat rolls up the back of his neck, the thought of being allowed to do this overwhelming. Lambert is so solitary, so private about anything other than what annoys him, and yet he opens himself immediately to Aiden when they fuck. So Aiden takes what he's given and does everything to give back.
He thrusts gently, careful not to push too hard, but Lambert throws his head back in a moan and arches off the ground, so he must be doing something right. But Lambert wasn't kidding when he said he could come like this. Before long, Aiden's entire hand is slick with pre-come, sliding easily into him and Lambert writhes under him, cursing and whining in equal measure until, as Aiden slides a second finger into him, he comes.
Lambert's hips buck and he covers Aiden's hand and most of his arm with his spend, but he's too lost to even notice it, letting Aiden guide him. It takes him a few minutes to calm down and Aiden holds him through it, kissing him softly and running his hands up and down his back. He hums softly against Lambert's skin until he squirms with impatience again.
Lambert squirms out of his hold and gets his hands on Aiden's trousers, getting them undone quickly and shoving them down so he can touch his cock. Aiden sighs as smooth fingers slip around him and he shifts lightly into the touch, rocking between Lambert's fingers. It feels good and he would be happy to come just like this, but he has a feeling Lambert isn't done with this yet. Lambert's cock is already swelling again and Aiden wants him, wants to touch him and feel him. He wants to make him come and see that look in Lambert's eyes when he finally tips over the edge into bliss.
Lambert draws him back to the present, reaching down to squeeze his balls and Aiden groans loudly, eyes flashing open to watch him. He rises onto his knees, staying low on his elbows so he's close to Lambert, so he can kiss his neck and nose at his jaw. He mouths at the skin as Lambert gets both hands around him, squeezing and stroking him firmly.
Aiden loves the feel of his hands, smoother and silkier than his own. He doesn't know if it's because he's a merman or just because it's Lambert but his hands feel better than any hands that have ever touched him.
He rocks into the touch, dropping to kiss Lambert's mouth, breathy and stilted. Pleasure zips up his spine and his cock jerks hard in Lambert's grip, earning him a small groan of approval.
"Mm, you gotta- oh, fuck Lambert- gonna make me come like that-"
Lambert just laughs and surges up to kiss him again as he slips one hand further down to play with his balls again. Aiden's eyes roll back with a groan and he grabs Lambert's wrists in one hand, pulling his hands off of him and rolling off to the side.
He lets go of Lambert's wrists and wiggles one arm under his waist, tugging him close so they're nose to nose. Lambert's breath catches and Aiden kisses him swiftly, nipping at his lip as he pulls away. Aiden presses a hand to his chest, slowly sliding it down Lambert's stomach, down past where his flesh meets scales. He loves the otherness of his scales, loves feeling like even though they are so different, they can still bring each other pleasure, can still care for each other.
He runs his fingertips down the entire length of Lambert's cock, pressing a little firmer as Lambert pushes into the touch. Lambert rocks forward and Aiden slips lower, pressing his fingers into the slit where his cock protrudes, fingering the base and pressing as deep as he can and circling around him. It makes Lambert squirm and Aiden makes a point of pressing more firmly and squeezing around the base of his cock.
Lambert's cock pulses under his hand and Aiden strokes right up to the head before pulling off altogether. He slips down again, pressing his fingers along the seam of Lambert's second slit, pressing in and rubbing into him. Lambert groans and Aiden slips deeper, pressing into the hot slick of him and Lambert pushes onto him, shifting closer to keep Aiden's fingers inside him.
"Mm, you like that don't you, sweets? You want me to fuck you, you want my cock?"
"Yeah," Lambert breathes, pressing in to nuzzle Aiden's neck, "please, fuck me."
"I think you can wait just a little longer," Aiden hums and Lambert groans at him, but when Aiden presses deeper into him, his protests fade into soft moans. "That's what I thought."
He curves his fingers, seeking out the little ridged area that he knows drives Lambert up the wall. It had been a fun discovery the first time around and now he just likes making him lose his mind. One day, he'll make him come like that, just his fingers inside him, but not now. Now, he's aching to fuck him and he doesn't want to tease too much, not when Lambert genuinely seems to need this right now.
He knows as soon as he's found the spot because Lambert's tail twitches and he curves in on himself, rocking forward and doing anything he can to get him to press harder. And because Aiden is feeling particularly generous, he does.
"Oh fuck, oh gods," Lambert rambles, "fuckin' love you, fuck."
He doesn't seem to catch the slip, but Aiden does and it takes all his focus not to slip in his ministrations. He keeps rocking into him, massaging that same spot until Lambert is all but crying with the need to come, writhing against him and whimpering into his skin. But Aiden's mind stopped some time back, still stuck on love you. He should know better than to put any weight into confessions in the middle of sex, but this is Lambert who would rather be caught dead than admit he loves his brothers.
All at once, everything makes sense and Aiden knows everything he's been feeling is more than just lust and respect for Lambert and he aches to tell him, but he doesn't want to spook him. Lambert is so flighty with feelings and emotions, that sometimes it's best to trick him into it, but his head is too foggy for that right now.
"You want it, love?" he asks and Lambert doesn't seem to even notice the pet name, just nods and nips at his shoulder. "Okay. Fuck, I've wanted you for so long," he mumbles.
Aiden withdraws his fingers, running briefly up the length of Lambert's cock before moving to his own dick. He rubs the head against Lambert's slit, teasing the slickness, but he wants it too badly. He slips forward, pressing into him, and Lambert rocks forward, abruptly taking him deep.
Aiden groans and pushes him onto his back, straddling him with both hands above his shoulders. He rolls his hips slowly, inching forward until he's settled deep in Lambert's body, slick heat completely engulfing him. He shuts his eyes, barely shifting his hips until Lambert squirms beneath him and commands him to fucking move.
When Aiden looks down again, Lambert's prick is dark and swollen, leaking from the tip, and he knows he's desperate to come again. He can't help but wonder how long it'll keep up for - not that he's not prepared to stay for a week if that's what it takes to get Lambert through this. But Lambert jerks again, pulling him from his thoughts, and Aiden picks up the pace.
He fucks into him steadily, forehead pressed to Lamberts as he shifts his weight to stroke Lambert's cock. He brings him off twice more like this and he's barely keeping it together himself when Lambert really starts to squirm.
He's barely recovered from his last orgasm and his cock is still soft against his stomach, so he shouldn't be ready to come again so soon. Aiden does everything he can think of to give him what he needs, but nothing seems to work. He fucks him harder, softer, quicker, kisses him, but Lambert is still twitchy and not in a good way.
"Tell me what you need," Aiden pants, "let me give it to you, love."
Lambert just groans and buries his head in Aiden's neck. "Come on Lambs, tell me. I wanna give it to you, what do you need?"
"Want you to bite me," he mumbles and Aiden could laugh. He's an idiot, it's so simple.
"Well, if that's all," he smirks, but Lambert presses a hand to his chest to stop him leaning closer.
"Not just… I want you to claim me. Bite my neck, make me bleed. Mark me."
"Oh." Aiden's mind races because this is different than a slip of the tongue; this is deliberate. "Yeah, darling, anything you want. Just tell me what to do." He rocks his hips quicker again, thrusting forward hard as Lambert stares up at him.
"Right here," Lambert breathes, tilting his neck and tapping his skin right where his neck and shoulder meet. "If you mean it, bite me here."
"Fuck," Aiden groans and his cock throbs as he sinks into him again. He shouldn't be so stupidly turned on by the idea of claiming Lambert as his own, by the idea of keeping him, but it's making his head foggy and it's hard to focus.
Under him, Lambert is fully hard again and Aiden gives him a quick couple of strokes before draping himself over his chest. He props himself up on his elbow, running his fingers through Lambert's hair and ducking to lick at the spot on his neck. He licks and sucks at the spot, teasing with kisses then running his teeth along it slowly.
And the swell of arousal rises, pushing him forward until he's pushing his luck with every thrust, so overwhelmed he can't hold on any longer.
"Gonna come," he mumbles and Lambert nods and mumbles something inaudible.
"Bite me."
Aiden bites down gently and it's enough to push him over the edge, coming hard still buried deep in Lambert. He tenses up and bites down hard, teeth breaking the skin and sinking in and it's so fucking intense he can't even focus. He doesn't even realize Lambert's coming too until he flops against his come-splattered chest.
For a few, sweet minutes, neither of them says anything and Aiden lifts his head just far enough to catch Lambert's lips in a soft, lazy kiss. It's more desperate breaths than kissing, but Lambert hooks an arm around the back of his neck and Aiden has never been happier.
It seems to take an eternity to come back from and Aiden's still feeling a little breathless when he finally finds the energy to throw himself into the ocean to wash off. It's the same thing he does every time and usually, Lambert goes with him, but this time when he pops his head above water, Lambert isn't in front of him. Aiden turns and finds him sitting at the edge of the rocks with his neck craned, looking at his reflection in the water. Aiden grins to himself and swims over, careful not to disturb Lambert's reflection.
From here he can see how he traces his fingers along the edge of the bite mark, still lightly bleeding, and stares at it in awe.
"Something wrong?" Aiden asks.
"No. Never thought I'd ever-" he cuts himself off with a huff and turns away, but Aiden reaches up and runs a hand down his arm.
"Hey," he says, "I am damn lucky to have you." Lambert looks down at him with the hint of a smile in his eyes and Aiden pushes himself up but finds himself held down.
"Can I bite you?" Lambert asks, one hand on Aiden's shoulder. "So you don't forget." Aiden laughs out loud, reaching an arm up to pull Lambert down into a quick kiss.
"I will never forget," he whispers, "but I'd be happy to have your mark to prove it."
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