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nikadoesanart · 3 years

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Dazai living in a shipping container analysis

I’ll be talking about the “pros” and “cons”, if you can even call them that, of Dazai living in a shipping container near a dumping site. Also I am using what architecture knowledge I do have on the subject of container homes.

This is on the longer side so brace yourself. Also Stormbringer spoiler warning, in case that wasn’t realized yet.

Before I actually start I’ll preface this by saying that I’m a former architecture student but it was with a design focus. I have also previously designed a shipping container home so although I have some knowledge, it does have its limitations.

Also this will be updated when the fan translations get to this part of Stormbringer. Currently, I’m getting the information from chazukekani and popopretty’s summaries and translations, so please check them out too!

As a general reference for what to expect of a shipping container home, the average shipping container is 8 x 20 ft or 8 x 40 ft. As a more visual example, here is a portion of the container house I designed. Note that it’s total length is 30ft because I have two 20ft long containers stacked on top of each other, with a 10ft offset. The space beyond the sliding doors is a balcony and can basically be ignored for the purpose of this analysis. With the pictured dimensions, you can consider it to be insulated from the outside, so as not to sacrifice internal space. Despite this, you can see that it feels fairly cramped even with minimal furniture (a sink, toilet and shower unit in the bathroom and a bed, desk, and wardrobe closet in the master bedroom).

Dazai’s current living arrangement

Now for comparison, let’s first take note of what’s known of Dazai’s living conditions for comparison.

he’s living in an illegal dumping site, and there are toxic substances coming from the ground because of this

“Not even a field mouse would dare to approach it.” (Popopretty)

the area is not on the map and Dazai lives near the center of it (which can easily be one of the worst parts in terms of health and safety)

the container was previously “used to export passenger cars overseas” (popopretty)

his only furniture is a fridge, (exhaust) fan, desk/table, a chair, and a bare light bulb

no one would approach “not just because the place itself was weird. It was because no one could predict how Dazai would react if someone approached his private residence.” (Popopretty)

it’s been a year since he’s joined, yet no one trusts him → he could’ve been living here since before he joined but we don’t know as of yet

he’s sitting in complete darkness, lightbulb off and door shut, until Verlaine opens the door and walks in

Verlaine asks if he’s living here because he’s afraid of property taxes but Dazai claims that he’s afraid of Verlaine. He’s not actually addressing his choice of location because he only corrected Verlaine on what he fears, and gives no actual explanation for why he chose to live here.

The “pros”

Naturally unapproachable location. Even if Dazai being PM Dazai wasn’t a factor in people staying away, the nearby smell alone means no one would normally approach it, much less suspect a Port Mafia executive of all people to be living there. It’s also unmapped territory so even less reason for him to be found. This means enemies and allies alike would have a more difficult time trying to find him (ie. to come for his life) and there’s unlikely to be anyone else around. After all, if even a mouse won’t go there why would a whole person live there?

It costs him nothing. Not that it’d make a difference with what we can assume of his financial wealth. He has money, likely more than Chuuya who lives in a nice apartment in a nice area, yet chooses to live in a shipping container in an illegal dumping site. This is beneficial for Dazai, since there’s no paper trail or record of where he lives, which goes right into my 3rd point.

Ease of abandonment. Considering his whole goal at the time is to off himself without troubling others in the process, it makes sense that he’d want to leave minimal traces behind. No unpaid rent or mortgage, no one on a waiting list to move into a nice place, and no personal belongings or attachments. This winds up being a pro/advantageous when he does leave the PM since there wasn’t a trace to follow him with in the first place. He can simply grab his few things of importance and find a new shipping container or abandoned building outside of the PM’s territory. In fact, he might’ve even been able to stay there or in that general area since no one dares to approach it in the first place.

The “cons”

Or should I say say the dangerous living conditions he’s in. I don’t find them surprising because again, he doesn’t have a long term plan to live at this point. He doesn’t have much reason to care about what happens to himself, as we can deduce from his overall disregard towards being constantly injured and in danger for example. This is also where the architectural stuff comes into play.

Let’s start with the most visible one, lack of insulation. With a shipping container home, you can insulate from the inside and lose about a foot of interior space in each direction (6 in. off each wall) or from the outside and lose the aesthetic of the textured walls. Either way, it costs time and money to do it. We know it’s not insulated from the inside because of the illustration and, in my opinion, it’s very unlikely that Dazai would’ve gotten it insulated from the outside because at the very least, it would make his container stand out among the others nearby. You need to insulate a container home because they get very hot or cold in the summer and winter respectively, as they are made of metal. I’ve heard that at the very least, Japan’s summers are HOT.

This one is a little harder to confirm and will likely be updated as fan translations are released, but a likely hazardous set up for electricity and (hopefully) plumbing. If you don’t have the insulation on the inside but you still have your electrical and plumbing, it can possibly become both a visual mess and a safety hazard. It’s possible that he kept it all in the back portion of his container for example, or maybe he has it taped to the floor or walls somewhere, but that also brings the question of where it’s connected to on the outside. Since he’s on a dumping site, then where’s the electrical going to go at the very least? Sure he can use nearby public facilities but every day? He has a fridge, single lightbulb and a fan but where is the power is connected to? In terms of plumbing, I think it’s equally likely he found a Porta potty nearby or there’s (hopefully) some sort of public or PM owned facility nearby. Really, his hygiene, especially during the PM days when he was (as far as we the audience are aware) likely at his lowest, can easily become its own separate question/discussion for another day. After all, we’re just talking about the condition of his container in this post.

The possible fumes and chemicals left over. The paint on shipping containers is meant to withstand the sea water splashing on to them, so it may contain harsh chemicals. And we know that his container was used previously to ship cars overseas, but that still leaves the possibility for things to have leaked on the inside at this time. We don’t actually know if it’s been used more than once, but seeing as we do have a usage history, I’d say there’s a fair enough chance for it to have been a single use container. Still, chemicals could’ve previously leaked and the paint may be a concern in the long run. It’s also possible that it has begun rusting as well, due to the metal being exposed to the likes of sea water. Also, let’s not forget the toxic substances from the illegal dumping site itself, possibly going into the container over time.

Also as far as we can tell, there seems to be a lack of windows. This means no natural light, aside from opening a whole door. Keep in mind that windows can help with indoor temperature control, not just natural light.

Living in a dump site, especially an illegal one. This one should speak for itself but I’ll list some concerns anyway. Seeing as it’s illegal, we can probably just forget about regulations altogether, much less any possible existing ones being followed. This means that there can be literally anything from hazardous waste material, to dangerous and sharp objects on the ground, to who knows what kind of smells and fumes, etc. In short, not a safe area to live in, for health concern reasons at a minimum.

Again, my knowledge on shipping container homes themselves is limited and I do recommend checking out Belinda Carr’s videos on some of the downsides of them from a professional’s POV.

7 reasons why shipping container homes are a scam

Responding to comments: shipping container scam video

Also, just because Dazai was making presumably LARGE amounts of money obviously doesn’t mean that he has to spend it all or live luxuriously if he doesn’t want to. It’s not that hard to infer why Dazai did choose to live in such conditions and I mainly wanted to draw attention to how these conditions can affect him, with both the advantages and disadvantages.

#bsd spoilers #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer #bsd dazai #bsd storm bringer #bsd theories #bsd analysis

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

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Danger Days - Chapter one: “Nobody puts Baby in a corner”

Pairing: OCx Matthew Gray Gubler + My Chemical Romance. I know. Weirdest mix ever.

Summary: MCR has only one more drummer audition before they have to start touring again. None of them knows their last chance is a girl. Matthew Gray Gubler's girlfriend.

Word count: 5,4K

Warnings: Cursing, and funny shit so far.

A/N: Ok... I don't know if you'll ever read this shit, but I am in love with this story. So, I'll start posting it.

Masterlist

::: Los Angeles, October 13th, 2010 :::

There are many ways to be locked down: quarantine, jail, or long trips. But being locked down with pretty much strangers has to be the worst. Or weirdest. Or more exciting, depending on how you see it.

Frank Iero walked fast. He was late. In his defense, Iero was always late. He didn’t try to make it on time today because he didn’t want to tour. But they had to. He just wanted to stay fucking home for a while. That’s precisely what he had said to the band when they saw the schedule for the following months. He was tremendously worn out. But he had to. The thing that made it all worse for him was knowing they had to get a new drummer, ‘cos Bob was out of the picture, and they didn’t have a replacement yet. They had tried a few guys out there, but they didn’t seem to get it. It wasn’t just playing the songs. It meant being part of it. Whatever that means.

They only had one more option on their list, and they were all hoping it would work, ‘cos they didn’t really have a lot of time to find someone else.

Ray was sitting on the floor in the practice studio, playing with his guitar, all alone in the place. It was early, and he knew it. Well, he was on time, but he knew everybody was always late for rehearsal.

- “Hello?”- a brown-haired woman walked in with a tall, thin guy and smiled- “I’m Joey. I’m here for the drummer audition.”

It sounded more like a question than a statement. Ray stood up and shook her hand, smiling.

- “Ray Toro, nice to meet you.”- he looked at the guy and shook his hand

- "Matthew Gray Gubler, my pleasure."

- "I’m sorry the rest of the guys aren’t here yet,"- Ray apologized as Joey looked around and sighed. She hated it when people were late.

- "Maybe we can go get a coffee"- Matthew suggested, and the young woman nodded- "I saw a place just around the corner."

- "Do you want one?"- she asked Ray

- "Yeah, sure"- he said, confused by her unexpected gesture.

- "How do you drink it?"

- "Lots of cream, lots of sugar"- Joey smiled and nodded.

- "Ok, Mr. Wolf. We’ll be right back"- Ray chuckled when he noticed she had gotten the Tarantino joke and watched her and who seemed to be her boyfriend walking out the room.

- "Are you sure you wanna do this?"- Joey frowned and looked at Matthew after he just shot the question while they walked out of the coffee shop.

- "What?"

- "Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that you don’t know any of those guys"

- "Yeah, I know, but they are a professional and major band! This could be great for my career"- he nodded and stared at his girlfriend, cupping her face with a hand and looking right into her eyes.

- "I just don’t want you to feel discouraged if you don’t make it"- he whispered.

- "Why wouldn’t I make it? You said I’m an excellent drummer, I’ve worked with many great bands, I’m good at my job!"

- "I know you are the best drummer, Yami"- Matthew quickly answered, trying to rearrange his words- "I’m just trying to say do your best, I know you are gonna be great."

He held her hands as he stood in front of her and looked into her eyes sweetly.

- "I’m just scared those guys are gonna break your heart."

- "Come on! If they don’t like me, it’s their loss."

Joey would say those things, but she was a nervous wreck inside. She wanted the band to love her. She needed the job, her career as a drummer really needed a boost, and since her last band had broken up, she only got small recording sessions and a few backup gigs with some bands. But that was it. Working with My Chemical Romance was just what she needed.

- "So, where’s the drummer?"- Gerard asked and looked around- "I hate when people are late, it’s rude! It shows you don’t care."

- "You just got twenty minutes late"- Mikey quickly said and raised an eyebrow at his brother- "So shut up."

- "Wait, he has a point"- Frank added and looked at Gerard for a second, who was walking around the practice studio playing with his hair- "We can be late, we are the band, he can’t be late, he is auditioning."

Ray was about to correct his friend when Joey and Matthew walked into the room.

- "Hi!"- she said and smiled- "Here’s your coffee"- Joey walked to Ray, and he thanked her immediately.

- "How much is it?"

- "Dude, don’t worry, it’s just coffee,"- meanwhile, Gerard, Frank, and Mikey shook Gubler’s hand.

- "Nice to meet you, Joey"- Frank said and looked at the guy in front of him, thinking he seemed familiar- "Wait, did you play a gig with Mellon Collie last week?"- Matthew frowned and shook his head, while Mikey turned to Joey and asked.

- "Can you get me a coffee too? I take it black with almond milk."

- "Make that two!"- Gerard said, raising his hand, and Joey looked at Ray, not getting what was going on.

- "So, Joey, we checked at your resume, and to be honest, it’s pretty impressive,"- Frank said and grabbed the sheet of paper from upon an amplifier- "You’ve played with some great bands, like the Distillers."

- "Thanks"- Joey said and smiled, but Frank raised an eyebrow at her, not getting why she had answered.

- "She is Joey"- Ray explained- "He is Matthew, her boyfriend."

- "Hi"- Joey waved, and the whole band looked at her astonished- "Yeah, girl drummer, I know…"

- "I’m sorry, I just… Joey didn’t sound like a girly name"- Frank apologized and cut her a short smile.

- "Don’t worry, it is not the first it happens"

Joey lied. It was the first time it happened. It was uncomfortable ‘cos it made her feel the band wasn’t expecting to audition a woman for the position. Maybe they didn’t want her. She thought her resume implied she was a girl, but apparently, it didn’t.

- "So… well, you’ve worked with amazing bands"- Frank repeated- "Why do you wanna work with us?"

- "Well, I admire your work. I think touring with you represents a significant challenge in my career. And mostly because I don’t have a job, and I really need one right now."- the band looked at Joey in silence until Mikey chuckled. At least he got the joke.

- "Tell us more about you,"- Gerard asked as he lit a cigarette and kept walking around the practice studio- "You can sit down if you want."

Joey nodded but didn’t move, she wasn’t feeling comfortable in the room, and a part of her wanted to stay on her feet and close to the door, ready to run away.

- "I’m from Seattle, so grunge was my biggest influence growing up. Ever since I was six, I wanted to be Matt Cameron or Jimmy Chamberlin… or Kim Gordon"- the young woman made a pause and sighed. She wasn’t feeling the love.

- "I studied music at Berklee after my first band experience, mainly because my dad said if I wanted to be in music, I had to have proper education."

- "Tell us about the bands you’ve worked with"- Ray asked.

- "I’ve worked with Dashboard Confessional; we did a small tour last summer. On the road, I’ve been with Julieta Venegas, she is an amazing Mexican musician."

- "You toured with Vampire Weekend"- Matthew added and looked at his girlfriend.

- "Right! When their drummer broke his arm. That was a fun tour"- Joey added and smiled- "Well anyway, in the studio I’ve recorded with Fiona Apple, Brody Dalle, Amanda Palmer, some small jazz bands I met in college, Johnny Lang… I’ve tried to work as many different musical genres as possible."

The band nodded and stayed in silence. Neither of them knew what to say.

- "So… do you wanna hear me play?"

- "Yeah! Sure"- Ray smiled at her, and Joey walked to the other room, at the other side of the glass, and say behind the drum set.

- "What did you prepare?"- Ray asked as Joey put on the headphones and nodded.

- "I have three songs for you to pick: “It’s not a fashion statement,” “Famous last words,” and “House of wolves.”

She looked at the band talking to each other as Matthew stood on a side and smiled sweetly. She knew things weren’t peachy so far, but she tried her best to get the job. She really needed it 'cos she was running out of savings, and she had no other job prospect but a few commercial jingles.

- "Wolves"- Gerard answered, and Joey nodded. Joey took a look at the drum and sighed. She was left-handed, and the drum was someone right-handed. Jo didn’t want to make a fuzz and change it, 'cos she felt the band wasn’t already into her. But at the same time, she wanted to kick ass and show them how good she was.

- "Just give me a second."

Joey stood up and rearranged the drum. Gerard looked at Ray, annoyed but making his best not to show. Mikey was stuck at his phone, barely paying attention to anything around him, and Frank stared at Matthew, trying to remember where he had seen him before.

- "Ready?"- Ray asked as Joey sat down again and tried the drum.

- "Yeah, much better, sorry for wasting your time"- Gerard looked at her, feeling she knew he was annoyed, and tried to change his bitchy face. It was too late for that anyway.

Joey started playing and just focused on the music, making her best. She had rehearsed the songs for weeks and even added a solo. She heard all the live versions she could and was sure she was doing a good job.

- "I don’t know, guys"- Gerard texted the band so Matthew would hear them.

- "I like her"- Ray answered

- "That’s your cock talking"- Frank answered and chuckled- "She ain’t bad, but I don’t know if she works for the band."

- "She sounds cool"- Mikey said out loud- "Maybe we could jam a little with her."

Frank and Gerard turned to him with widened eyes, surprised and embarrassed he had answered his comments aloud, so Matthew could hear.

- "Yeah, I saw the text, but talking is faster"- Gerard had to turn around to hide his face, red of anger against his brother, and make his best not to look at Matthew, who nodded and got the hint.

- "I’ll wait outside."

Frank stared at Mikey, who stood up and looked at Joey playing eyes wide shut, making her best to give a good impression. At least it worked with Mikey and Ray.

- "Thanks for making us look like an asshole"- Frank argued and huffed- "What was wrong with answering the fucking text?"

- "Dude, grow up…"- that’s all Mikey answered and stayed in silence until Joey finished the song.

She raised her eyes from the drumset and stared at the band, pretty scared of their reaction. Mikey and Ray smiled at her, while Gerard and Frank were serious and totally… annoyed? Bored? she couldn’t really figure it out.

- "Do you want me to play anything else?"- the young woman asked, afraid she was gonna get a cold no as an answer. Gerard was about to do it until he saw his brother walking over and grab his bass.

- "Wanna jam a little?"- Joey quickly smiled at Mikey, thinking maybe he liked her job, which was always a nice feeling, especially when trying to get a job.

- "Yeah! Sure!"

They played Destroya and improvised for a while. Ray joined them, and the three of them actually had fun for a good twenty minutes jamming.

- "That was pretty good"- Gerard said as he walked over and put on his dark glasses- "Unfortunately, we have to go."

- "Where?"- Mikey asked, surprised- "We had a clear schedule today."

- "Yeah, well, we totally forgot about an interview, and we are running late, so…"- he made a pause and looked at Joey.

- "Sure, I have to get going too, I have to reach the studio in an hour so…"- she stood up and shook Mikey and Ray’s hand- "Thank you so much for your time, I had a lot of fun with you."

- "Thank you for coming!"- Ray quickly answered- "I’ll walk you to the door."

- "Don’t worry, it’s just there anyway"- Joey smiled and turned to the other two guys- "Sorry for taking so much of your time. I hope you have a good day"- she shook their hands too, and they nodded with a sympathetic smile.

- "You too"- Gerard whispered.

- "And the answer is Criminal Minds"- Joey said and smiled at Frank, who looked dumbstruck- "See ya!"

And the young woman walked out.

- "Fuck! that’s it!"- Frank grumbled, and no one got why- "That’s where I’ve seen that guy."

- "What?"- Gerard asked him

- "Her boyfriend is on that tv show"- but it seemed it didn’t matter to Gerard one tiny bit.

- "Oh… who cares anyway…"- Mikey turned to his brother and punched his arm.

- "Did you have to be so annoying?"

- "I wasn’t annoying!"- Gerard nearly yelled, feeling insulted.

- "Dude! you were rude at her! and she did nothing to you!"- his brother was about to his him a lecture, but it seemed it was going to be useless, Gerard wasn’t even listening.

- "Oh! Come on! I wasn’t!"

- "Yeah, you were,"- Ray added and teamed up with Mikey- "You were a bitch, and she noticed."

- "So what?"

- "What if she felt bad about it? or what if she is pissed with us?"

- "If she is pissed, she is pissed! do you care?"

- "Why are you so mean? she was great!"- Mikey was surprised by his brother's attitude.

- "Yeah, she was good, but are you actually considering having a female drummer?"- Ray and Mikey looked at him in shock.

- "What the fuck is your problem with her being a girl?"

- "I don’t have a problem if she is a girl, a boy, or a cat. I’m just saying she is not the right choice for this band."

Ray and Mikey kept looking at him, confused. He had never been such an ass before

- "Come on, Frank, back me up here!"

- "I agree"- Iero simply said- "She was a good drummer, but… what are we gonna do with a chick on tour?"- Ray couldn’t believe his own ears.

- "Seriously? she was awesome! Perfect timing, great improvisation, and she had the ear to follow every single fucking curveball we threw her."

Gerard knew Ray was right, he heard it too, but he just didn’t want to work with Joey. Why? he didn’t know. He just looked at her and thought she couldn��t be on a bus with them, or on stage with them, or anywhere with them. As simple as that.

- "My vote is no"- he sentenced.

- "She is the best we’ve had"- Mikey argued right away- "And I’m saying yes."

- "Nope, I’m with Gerard"- Frankie claimed- "I just don’t want her in the band."

- "You fucking assholes, I’m saying yes, and it’s a tie!"- Ray felt he was five years old, calling that conversation “a tie” and arguing under those stupid terms with his friends.

- "Great! so that means no!"- of course, Gerard’s childish answer made him feel a little better about himself.

- "Seriously? What the fuck is your problem with her?"

Mikey asked his brother and stood right in front of him, just to push him to answer with the truth.

- "You said you wanted to make a fantastic show. You said you wanted to do something no one could ever expect from us, so we made this album that we love after years in the studio. It’s completely different than anything we’ve made! Do you know what would also be something no one could ever expect? having this amazing female drummer!"

- "But why her?"

- "‘Cos she is the best we’ve seen!"- Ray stepped into the conversation, trying to make some sense from Gerard and Frank.

- "Dude… I don’t know"- Iero whispered- "She was good, but… wouldn’t it be weird to have a girl on the bus with us?"

- "That’s what keeps you from saying yes?!"- Ray was honestly shocked- "Because you won’t be able to fart and walk about in your underwear?"

- "I wasn’t planning to stop any of that…"

- "Then?"

- "I don’t wanna have problems with my wife!"- Frank finally assumed and sighed- "I’ve had enough of that shit already"- the band stared at him in silence. Mikey was the only one who spoke his mind.

- "Wuss."

Matthew walked in silence, holding Joey’s hand until they reached his car. She sighed and sat at the passenger seat, thinking she didn’t want to call her parents and ask for another loan. The last time she had sworn to herself, it was never gonna happen again.

- "If they don’t hire you, it’s their loss"- Gubler finally whispered and looked at his girlfriend with a sweet glance- "You are awesome, and everybody knows it"- Joey sighed and cut him a short smile.

- "Thanks, Akumu."

- "And besides, they were assholes."

- "I know!!"- Joey waved her arms, absolutely upset- "That’s so disappointing 'cos everybody said they were so nice!"

- "Are you gonna call Tucker?"

- "I don’t know"- the young woman whispered and sighed- "He was so excited, and I don’t wanna disappoint him"

- "You did your best, Yami… maybe they didn’t want to work with a female drummer"- Joey thought about it for a moment and nodded.

- "Could be. I did my best anyway. Maybe they were all having a crappy day. Anyway, can you drive me to the studio, please? pretty, pretty, please?"- Matthew laughed and stared at his girlfriend with a warm look in his eyes.

- "Only if you kiss me first"

- "That’s blackmailing"

- "Maybe, but I’m driving, I make the rules"

- "Damn… fine! but just ‘cos I’m late"

Joey giggled and leaned in to kiss Matthew, who caressed her cheek slowly.

- "It’s gonna be ok, I promise"- he whispered, trying to comfort his girlfriend, and she nodded. She knew he was nice to her, but she still felt her life was totally out of focus.

- "Hello?"- Joey picked up her phone as she walked out of the studio after recording for the day. She was working in a small studio recording jingles. It wasn’t much, but at least she wasn’t selling drugs to survive.

- "How was it?"

- "Tucker, hey…"

- "So? When do you start? did they love you? of course, they did!"

- "Yeah… well…"

Joey didn’t want to tell his friend and break his heart. Tucker was so excited Joey was auditioning for My Chem ‘cos he knew the band for years. And though he had offered Joey to introduce her first, she refused, decided to audition under her own terms. Which sucked.

- "What?"

- "I don’t think they liked me"

- "What are you talking about? you are fantastic!"

- "You know it, I know it, but I don’t think they got it…"

- "What did they say?"

- "Nothing really, just… ok, just don’t tell them I said this, ok?"

- "Cross my heart and all that shit, what happened?"- Joey rested her back against the wall and sighed.

- "Gerard had a bitch face the whole time like he hated the guts out of me, and I don’t know why! then Frank wouldn’t even look at me, nothing, he wasn’t there, so I’m guessing neither of them wanted a female drummer, 'cos they all thought I was a guy."

- "Why?"

- "Apparently, Joey is a guy’s name"

- "So you didn’t put your real name in the application? brilliant!"

- "What for? So they can’t spell it? Anyway, can you imagine Mikey thought I was an assistant or whatever and asked me to go get him a coffee when we got there? They thought Matthew was auditioning and ignored me the whole time!"

- "Shit can’t be right! they are not like that"

- "Well, in the end, Ray and Mikey were the nicest. We jammed and had fun for a while, playing a few of their songs. But neither Gerard nor Frank even looked at us. It felt they hated me."

- "Maybe they were having a bad day, but they are very nice people."

- "Maybe… anyway… thank you for your support."

- "What are best friends for?"

- "Getting beer?"

- "Right, when are we getting beer?"- Joey smiled and sighed.

- "Next time I’m in New York or when you come to this shitty city."

- "If you hate Los Angeles so much, why don’t you move?"

- "‘Cos I’ve got my life here, I guess."

- "You know it’s just ‘cos you are dating that nerd

- "I happen to love that nerd!"- Joey laughed and shook her head, thinking Tucker didn’t even know Gubler and he already knew he was a nerd- "Anyway, gotta go, I have a class in an hour."

- "Are you taking a class?"

- "No, dude, I’m teaching in a community center in Santa Monica."

- "Aren’t you lovely! I’m proud of you!"

- "Shut up!"

- "As long as you don’t teach them to drink as we did when we toured together."

- "Hey! I’m no longer 20!"- Joey argued, laughing- "I’m a role model for those kids now!"

- "Yeah, sure! Talk to you later!"

Tucker hung down the phone and walked around his house for a minute. He loved that kid. He met her when she was still in college and toured with Thursday for a few dates with her old band. She was like a little sister to him. And it hurt to think she was wasting her talent in shitty sessions with shitty bands when she could be doing something better with her skills. Something meaningful. And it honestly made him angry to think his friends had been mean to her.

- "Hey, dude!"- Gerard picked up the phone, excited to see Tucker’s name on the screen.

- "Hey! why were you an asshole today?"- Gerard frowned and took out his sunglasses. He was in his backyard smoking, and he was not getting what his friend was talking about

- "Sorry, what?"

- "You were an asshole today with my friend"

- "Dude, I’m gonna need more information"

- "I asked Joey to audition for your band because I thought you would value her talent, and you ignored her?"

- "I didn’t ignore her… wait!"- Gerard wasn’t getting what was going on- "You know her?"

- "Of course! for the last… shit, I don’t know, like five or six years, we toured together, I taught her a lot, she is like my little sister!"

- "Yeah, she is an excellent drummer, but… I don’t feel she is suitable for the band."

- "Why?"

- "‘Cos… she has tits"- Gerard whispered, and Tucker made one long eternal pause.

- "Wow… ok, I see why she said you were an asshole."

- "She did?!"- Gerard felt so insulted he clenched his fist.

- "And she wasn’t wrong. I’m so sorry I asked her to go to your audition. It was a waste of her time."

Tucker hung down the phone and dialed Frank. He knew he had been pretty hard on Gerard, so he made his way to stay calm and not yell, at least not right away.

- "Ho, man!"

- "Hey Frank, listen, my friend, Joey was today auditioning for your drummer position. How was that?"

- "Joey? The girl? Do you know her?"

- "Yeah, I set the audition for her, actually. She is one of my closest friends, so how was it?"

Frank looked around at Ray smoking next to him in a small bar, then took a sip of his beer and decided the best thing to do was clear: lying.

- "She was awesome. Too bad the position is already taken 'cos she was real good"

- "I see, and that’s why you acted like an asshole?"

- "I didn’t!"- Frank knew he was busted

- "Dude, she told me everything. You didn’t even look at her!"

Ray’s phone hummed, and he read the text Gerard had sent them: “The chick is friends with Tucker. She sold us.” Toro chuckled and looked at Frank red in anger, trying to explain to his friend why he had been mean.

- “Too little too late”- Ray typed and sent the text. Mikey read them and chuckled while he ate a bowl of cereal and milk back in his house.

- "They deserve it for being assholes"- he said out loud and sighed.

He looked around at his home and realized he was talking all alone. His wife wasn’t around. His wife was never around anymore. But that was something Mikey didn’t want to think about, not then, not never.

- "Can you believe that bitch?"- Frank turned to Ray as soon as he hung down with Tucker- "She called our friend to snitch on us."

- "Well, you kinda deserved it"- Ray simply answered and sipped his beer- "You and Gerard should apologize to her."

- "No way, can we just let it pass?"- Iero was honestly upset as he lit another cigarette and remained in silence for a moment- "She was excellent, I give you that, but I don’t fucking want a girl in the band right now"

- "To avoid arguing with Jamia?"

- "Yeah! Shit has been hard lately, and I don’t want her to be threatened by anyone anymore"- Ray looked at his friend, nodding.

- "We should all talk about this seriously, we only got a week before the first show, and we have to rehearsal with the new drummer."

- "I know"- their cell phone hummed again, and they all read the exact text.

- "Meeting in my house now"- Gerard sighed as soon as he read his brother’s text. He surely knew what it was all about, and he had no intention to continue that argument, though he had absolutely no choice.

- "I hope Mikey at least asks for pizza"- he stood up and walked inside the house- "Honey, I’m going to Mikey’s"- he announced as he walked into his wife art studio and found her working on a collage on her desk

- "Say hello to your brother from me, hey! can you pick something for dinner?"

- "Sure, I’ll see you later"- he kissed her lips and cut her a short smile

- "Wait, turn around"- she asked, and he slowly moved over- "What happened?"

- "Nothing"- Lynz raised an eyebrow and waited for the honest answer- "We just had a bad audition for a drummer this morning. It turns out she was friends with Tucker Rule, and he called me an asshole for being mean to her."

- "Were you mean to her?"- Gerard made a long pause and stared at his wife’s expression change- "Why did you do that?"

- "I don’t know! I just didn’t like her!"

- "Was she right?"

- "Yeah"

- "Was she nice?"

- "Yes"

- "Was she hot?"

- "No! definitely not!"

- "Then what was the problem?"

- "She is the best we’ve had so far, but I don’t wanna turn everything we’ve been working on into “they are working with a girl” and get the attention away from the music."- Lynz nodded as she listened to her husband’s words.

- "You are making it seem like no one had ever had a female drummer or musician on stage before."

- "No, it’s not that, it’s just that…"- Gerard thought his answer carefully- "We haven’t, and we are so deep into the spot I’m afraid it will impact our show the wrong way"- Lynz made a pause and stared at her husband’s face

- "What did the band say?"

- "Frank is with me, and Ray and Mikey disagree."

- "Why is Frank with you?"

- "‘Cos he thinks having a girl on the bus is weird."

- "I was the girl in a band, and it wasn’t weird at all!"

Gerard knew that would be the subject in the conversation eventually as soon as he started talking about this with his wife.

- "I think you are acting kinda selfish and a little sexist."

- "No, we are just trying to do what’s best for the band."

- "Do whatever you want. I’m just giving you my opinion."

Gee felt Lynz was judging him. And he knew he would never win that fight.

- "I’m gonna talk about it with the band"

- "Ok, see you for dinner"- Gerard kissed his wife again and walked away feeling like a douche.

Had he been an asshole with that girl?

And besides, Gerard had lied to his wife when she asked if the girl was hot, ‘cos he actually thought so. He would never admit it in front of her anyway. And neither in front of anyone else. Never.

Matthew waited for Joey outside the community center, where she taught drums for kids in need as a way to keep them from being in the street and teaching him a new skill. He thought that was amazing and felt pretty proud of his girlfriend for giving the community her time and knowledge. He waved at her as she walked outside and cut her a big smile.

- "Hey! I didn’t know you were picking me up today!"

- "I wanted to surprise you and cheer you up!"- Joey leaned over and kissed Matthew sweetly.

- "Thank you so, so much!"

- "I’m the best boyfriend. I know."

- "What’s the plan?"

- "Wanna ask for Chinese and watch a movie at my place?"- it was a bit disappointing plan ‘cos that was pretty much every day in their routine, but Joey smiled and nodded.

- "As long as I pick the horror movie tonight, sounds perfect."

After a few minutes of driving, Matthew turned to his girlfriend and whispered.

- "I forgot tomorrow we’ll have table reading. We are gonna start shooting this week. I’m sorry I won’t be able to hang out so often."

- "Don’t worry, you have to work, and I need to get a new extra job ‘cos it’s obvious and I didn’t get the MCR shit…"- her cell phone interrupted her as she spoke. An unlisted number was calling- "Hello?"

- "Joey… Svein… björn...dottir?"

- "Yes?"- her last name was mispronounced entirely, but she was pretty used to that.

- "Hi, I’m Ray Toro, from My Chemical Romance."

- "Hey, Ray! How are you?"- Gubler wide opened his eyes as he turned to his girl for a second. She was honestly surprised the band was calling her.

- "Good! listen… I hope I’m not interrupting."

- "Not, it’s cool"- Gerard turned around and walked the other way just ‘cos he didn’t want to see Ray do what he was about to do.

- "Great, the band and I were talking, and we want you to come to the studio tomorrow to do a second tryout… do they even call it “tryouts”? more like an audition, I think."- Ray started rambling as Joey wide opened her eyes in shock.

- "Sorry, what? do you want me there again?"

- "Yeah, so we can jam a little, try a few new things. We are having trouble deciding on one drummer, so we need a bit more info. Besides, we couldn’t finish today so… can you come tomorrow at ten?"

- "Noon"- Frank said, thinking he didn’t feel like waking up early to meet that chick.

- "Sorry, at noon"- Ray corrected, embarrassed.

- "Noon…"- Joey had absolutely nothing to do at noon, but she wanted to make believe she had a life- "I think I can move a few things… to meet you."

- "Awesome! See you tomorrow"- Joey turned to Matthew as soon as she hung down and nearly screamed.

- "They want to see me again!!! I can’t believe it"- the young woman jumped on the seat completely excited- "I thought they hated…"- but suddenly, it hit her.

- "Congrats, Yami!!"- Matthew yelled and grabbed her knee, which was all he could do, considering he was driving.

- "No, it wasn’t me. It was Tucker."

- "Did you call him?"

- "He called. I didn’t want to tell him about the shitshow I was through this morning"- Joey grabbed her phone again and looked for the last number that called.

- "What are you doing?"

- "I’m canceling. I’m not gonna go if they are only doing this ‘cos my friend forced them."

- "What?! no! just go and kick their asses!"- Matthew quickly grabbed the phone from Joey’s and hid it in his pocket, far from her reach- "You are going tomorrow, and you are proving them wrong."

- "I don’t want to! Akumu! Come on! it’s gonna be embarrassing and awkward to see them knowing Tucker called them to get me a second chance!"

- "No! It’s gonna be awesome ‘cos you are gonna kick ass!!"

Joey whined for another while, honestly trying to get out of that awkward situation. But by the time they reached Matthew’s, he had convinced her she had to do it.

#matthew gray gubler #my chemical romance #fanfiction #babymetaldoll writes #mgg #criminal minds #frank iero #mikey way #i never thought I'd post this #gerard way

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spookysanta · 3 years

Text

The TA. - one. (c.e, h.c.)

Summary: she just wants to make a good impression. clearly, she’s made more of an impression on the two of them.

Pairings: Professor!Chris Evans x Black!Reader, student!Henry Cavill x Black!Reader

WARNINGS: swearing

updates will be sporadic because it’s a wip, but here’s part one! enjoy! :)

UNEDITED

****

To Whom it May Concern:

Good morning. My name is Dr. Christopher R. Evans and I’ll be your supervising professor for section D346-0 of Chemistry class for the Fall semester. I’m sending you this e-mail to introduce myself as well as get to know you a bit before classes start next week. Would you be willing to meet me in my office (Franklin Hall, 3210) this Wednesday at around 3 p.m.? I’d like to go over the syllabus as well as your requirements as my TA.

Please let me know if that time works well for you.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Dr. Christopher R. Evans, D. Sc.

(310) 555-3984

***

Professor Evans:

Good morning! It’s nice to hear from you. I was in the process of getting your contact information to introduce myself. Thank you for taking me on as your TA, also—I appreciate that you’re giving me a chance. I’ll avail myself on Wednesday to meet with you at 3 p.m., I don’t want to change your schedule on my behalf. I can also provide you with my class schedule if you’d like so that you have my availability when you need to meet with me.

I’m excited to be working with you this semester!.

Best,

(Y/N) (Y/L/N)

***

“Hi, my name’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Is Dr. Evans around?” She entered the lecture hall, approaching the podium where another professor was packing up her things. “I’m his new TA.”

“Yes, his office is through that door. Go in, make a left, and it should be the first door on your right.” The professor instructed, “He should be in there.”

“Okay. Thank you, ma’am!” she hurried across the room and pushed through the door, following the professor’s instructions and finding his classroom much easier than she had initially. She knocked on the door to his office. “Dr. Evans?”

“Come in.”

She opened the door slowly. She found him at his desk, typing on a computer. He paused for a moment, looking up toward the doorway with a small smile.

“Hi. You must be (Y/N).” he stood and crossed the small room stalking over to her and offering his hand for her to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Great to meet you as well, Dr. Evans.” She shook his hand eagerly. This was her first professional job, and well…it’s helpful to have him as her boss.

Mainly to look at, but that’s beside the point.

“Oh, please. You can call me Chris.” He waved her off politely. “It’s just you and I here.”

She cleared her throat. “Okay.”

He made his way back to his seat behind the desk. “Please, have a seat.” He gestured to the chair that sat on the opposite side of the desk.

She sat down tightly with her hands flattened under her thighs—she’s a picker.

“What’s wrong?”

She shook her head tightly. “Nothing.”

He noticed that her face read differently than her words were saying. She looked almost uncomfortable, unsettled. “Are you sure?”

“This is just my first TA job so I’m a bit nervous,” She was almost hesitant to tell him the truth. She rushed out, “hopefully that doesn’t compromise my position.”

“Not at all! In fact, I think this is one of the easier classes to TA for, but maybe I’m biased.” He chuckled. “So, with that said, let’s go over your requirements. Hopefully I can put your mind at ease, okay?”

“Okay.” She smiled politely, trying to make herself relax but failing because Dr. Evans—Chris—was quite different that was she thought he would be. He was tall, built, and had the prettiest eyes she’d ever seen.

She’d assumed that he would look like Ebenezer Scrooge from the way her friends said he ran his class. By their record, he was a strict guy—very unwavering with deadlines and course policies, sticks to his syllabus schedule, assigns a ton of work, and has an even stricter attendance policy.

But they also said he was nice, which was hard to come by with professors in this field. They could tell he was a good person deep down and liked what he taught but he was a hard ass.

And by her analyzation, that was true.

His desk was quite neat and polished; it smelled of air freshener in the room; there weren’t any papers scattered about—which she was thankful for, because she cannot work with people who were unorganized—and, most notably, there weren’t any kind of photos hanging up. It was hard for her to determine whether he was a bachelor, or a married father that just kept things private.

Not that it mattered…but she wanted to know.

“So,” he turned one of his monitors to face her so that she could see his screen. “here’s the syllabus. It seems like a lot, but I swear, it isn’t.” he chuckled.

She hummed in response, beginning to read the lengthy document in her head as he spoke.

“Basically, your job will be to help me grade quizzes, labs, exams, and other assignments. You’ll also be required to proctor exams; I have another TA, Henry—he’s a graduate student—that will come in on exam days and proctor with you.”

She thought for a moment. “So, if I may ask, what will you do?”

“Teach the class.”

“Well, I know that. I just meant…it seems like a lot for me to do, and I’ve heard about some professors on campus having their TAs run the class.”

“Oh! Definitely not. Look, you seem great, and I have a feeling we’d get on well, but there’s a specific way I want my material taught so that’s not something you’d have to worry about.” He reassured her, noticing her body begin to relax. “What I will say, is there is a lot of content in my class, but the major graded assignments are few and far between, if that makes you feel better.”

She cocked an eyebrow.

“The class is mostly lab-based. You’ll be grading lab prep work, mostly—then comes the occasional homework or quiz, and exams.”

“Oh, okay. That makes more sense.”

He nodded. “Good.”

He scrolled down further into the document, showing his class policies.

“Now, these, I can’t break on.” He sighed. “I’m sure you’ve heard that I’m a strict guy.”

“What?” she replied incredulously. “No!”

He wanted to laugh. He could tell she was analyzing him, and she had to have heard something about him before the two of them met. “Well, it’s because a lot of the precautions are for the safety of us and the students.”

She scanned a random sentence on the page that read:

Students are required to be fully clothed on lab days—no t-shirts, ripped clothing, or closed-toed shoes.

10 points will be deducted for wearing clothing that does not meet the above dress requirement. More than one violation on the lab dress requirement will result in a deduction from the LAB grade.

Yikes, she thought, he’s not joking around.

She found it understandable nonetheless—she imagines it would be difficult to have a completely safe lab in a stuffy room while it’s still hot outside.

And she’s heard that a lot of the laboratories on his side of campus don’t have air conditioning, which was quite unfortunate this time of year.

“The dress policy is the most heavily enforced one.” He shrugged. “I can’t be held liable for students’ recklessness during labs.”

“Has the dress code been an issue previously?” she asked.

“Not for me, but I know it’s been one for the department, so I’m just tryin’ to keep my name off the “injury list”.”

She nodded in understanding.

“I think that’s pretty much it as far as the basics are concerned. I’ll send you a copy of my syllabus and calendar for the semester, as well as your contract.” He turned the monitor to face him again, typing quickly on his keyboard. “Oh! And I should send you Henry’s information, too.”

“Who’s Henry again?”

“Henry is a graduate TA. I’ve had him in my classes for a couple of years, and he’s a great student. I think he worked in the library over the summer, so you may know him.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t.”

“Well, he’s a great person to know, not just for my class, but for your upper-level math and science classes.” He gushed. Clearly, he really liked having this “Henry” as an assistant.

“Okay, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“Great. And if you have any questions, shoot me an e-mail or a text and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Alright.” She replied simply.

He stood, holding out his hand again. “I’m looking forward to working with you this semester, (Y/N).”

She took his hand, this time relishing in the softness of his skin and the firmness in his grip. “I am, too.”

Later that day, after she’d completed the last assignments for her summer math class, she checked her e-mail’s inbox and found two messages from Chris and another from Henry, the godsend of a grad student.

***

From: Dr. Christopher R. Evans, D. Sc.

Miss (Y/L/N)—

I hope this message finds you well.

Attached is my syllabus and class calendar, as well as your contract.

Please read through all of these. Sign the contract when you’re ready and e-mail it back to me at your earliest convenience.

Regards,

Chris

***

From: Dr. Christopher R. Evans, D. Sc

Miss (Y/L/N)—

I meant to send you Henry’s information as well:

Henry W. D. Cavill

Phone: 316-555-2015

E-mail: [email protected]

Please message him at your earliest convenience. Like I said, he’s a great person to know!

Regards,

Chris

She replied a quick “thank you” before continuing through her inbox.

***

From: Henry W. D. Cavill

Hi, (Y/N)! It’s nice to “meet” you, I’m Henry.

Chris has told me that you’re the new undergrad TA! That’s pretty impressive, honestly—you’re one of four undergraduate TAs in the entire Sciences department. Anyway, I just wanted to send you this e-mail to introduce myself and let you know that if you need anything, I’m always available. I worked in the school’s library over the summer so if you need me immediately, that’s usually where I spend my free time nowadays.

I’m excited to work with you this semester! Maybe we could grab coffee and get to know each other better before classes start next week? Let me know.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Best wishes,

Cav

“Cav?” she read aloud in disgust, “What the hell kind of a nickname is “Cav”?” She hoped that he didn’t expect her to call him that because that was stupid.

At any rate, she could tell that he was much more laid back than Chris, which she was bound to enjoy. As nice as Chris was, she could tell that he was a bit…uptight. Henry, on the other hand, seemed more laid back if she used “Cav” as a form of evidence.

She could tell that he was a bookworm, too, because no-one—no-one she knew, at least—stays in the library unless they had to, or just liked reading.

Clearly he was a different breed.

She opened a new message to send a quick reply to his.

To: Henry W.D. Cavill

Hi, Henry.

It’s nice to hear from you as well. I’ve heard nothing but good things about you!

I’m free tomorrow afternoon if you want to meet at The Bistro for coffee.

Let me know if that works for you.

Best,

(Y/N)

There. Sweet and simple.

Don’t be confused, either—she wanted this position. It would open some doors for her down the line, especially if she can get on Chris’ good side like Henry clearly has. She just hated formalities. The emails, the “talk to you soon! ”s, the “hope you’re well! ”s… it was too high-strung for her.

She is, though, determined to start everything on a good foot. So she’ll be polite, she’ll wish them well, whatever—she just wanted to ensure that her success as an undergrad student wouldn’t be hindered or jeopardized by her desire to be casual with who’s really her boss and co-worker.

The next day, she mustered up the courage to throw on clothes and meet Henry at The Bistro, a café in the main square of the campus. She decided to dress nice, not entirely sure who she was meeting and wanting to make a good impression. Because “Cav” seemed like a decent guy, but you never know.

Honestly, she wanted to cancel but she knew that wouldn’t look good.

She stepped through The Bistro’s doors, the cold air practically smacking her in the face. Normally she would despise the cold, especially on a day like this where it wasn’t too hot and not at all humid; but today, she was grateful for the cold air that enwrapped her frame that was dressed in a black blazer and matching slacks.

She sent a message to Henry letting her know that she was there and sat at a table by the window.

Then she waited.

Ten minutes, then twenty, then thirty.

After forty minutes passed, she gathered her tote, phone, and keys, and made her way to the front door.

Before she could get to the door, a figure bumped into her, her body colliding with his hard chest. “Oh, shit, sorry!” the mass of flesh exclaimed, “I’m running late for a meeting and I didn’t watch where I was going.”

Her eyes met his as she took a step back. He was tall. His long brown hair was brushed behind one ear, cheeks flushed and pale, brown eyes wide.

He was cute.

“Wait,” she replied, “are you Henry?”

“Yeah…so?”

“So?” she glared at him. “I’m (Y/N).”

His eyes widened even more, as if that were possible. “Oh! I’m so sorry I’m late. My car broke down and I ended up having to walk here.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But listen, if you’re still free, I’d love to still talk with you.”

She didn’t have anywhere to be, so why not? “Sure.”

He let out a breath. “Thank you.”

The two of them sat down at the table she picked, him slugging his shoulder bag off his body and onto the floor next to him. He folded his hands on the table and looked at her, watching as she fumbled through her bag for her planner and a pen.

“So,” he started, “it’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

“You, too.” She replied, her eyes not looking up.

“I’m usually the only TA in Chris’ class, so it’s really cool to have someone else around. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be the only one proctoring an exam in a class of three-hundred people.”

“Three-hundred people?”

“Yeah. Sometimes it’s less, but that’s the average. It’s full of freshmen, too.”

She finally found her planner and a pen in the depths of her bag. “Are freshmen bad?”

He shook his head, “Not really, they’re just…odd.” He shrugged. “Some of them want to learn, some don’t, and you can tell right away. The ones that want to learn don’t want help—it’s always the procrastinators, the slackers, the ones that don’t care that need you.”

“How is that odd?”

“It’s strange to me, honestly. I didn’t really care either way my freshman year. I wanted to learn but I didn’t care enough to actually try.”

“So what changed? Chris made you seem like you were some mythical being.”

He laughed. She’ll admit, she was lost in his smile for a second. The glint in his eyes and the crinkle in his nose made her smile. “A mythical being?” he repeated. “I’m far from mythical. I think he gushes about me because I take over his office hours for him most days.”

That made her laugh. “Well, he seems to be appreciative of having you around. Hopefully I can be helpful.”

“I’m sure you can be,” he waved her off, “he probably told you that his class wasn’t that bad, but he’s totally lying. My first year helping him was rough—too much shit to do, and not enough time for it to get done.”

That sounded more accurate compared to what Chris told her yesterday. “I figured.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s a great professor, and an awesome mentor to have—but sometimes he downplays stuff. He’ll say it’s “no big deal”, and it’ll be like Armageddon for us.”

She nodded slowly. “Any advice for getting on his good side?”

He chuckled. “If he likes you, you’ll know. And if he likes you, he’ll help you out. He’s not at all unreasonable, either; so just tell him what’s up when you have a problem, or if you’re overwhelmed, and he’ll do what he can to help.”

“That’s not what I heard.” She mumbled.

“Well, his students from last year will say he’s a dick, but—and you can’t tell anyone I told you this—” he leaned in closer, whispering, “he went through a nasty divorce last fall.”

So he isn’t married.

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah. He wasn’t in the best place, but I’ll admit he’s eased up quite a bit so you should be fine.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Anything else you want to know?”

She thought for a moment. “Not really, no.”

He smiled again, “Alright. Well it was great talking with you, and I’m sorry again for being late.”

She shrugged, “Shit happens.”

“You’re exactly right. The meter maids are probably having a field day giving me tickets.” He stood from the table, putting his bag over his shoulder that was covered in a dark green jacket, brushing his hair behind his ears and away from his face.

She stood shortly after he did. “Good luck with that.”

“Oh, trust me, it wouldn’t be anything new for me to have a ticket by now. I’ve gotten five since May.”

Her eyes widened this time. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. The parking on campus is shit, you get in where you can. Open parking spaces are scarce, especially by Franklin Hall…so sometimes I park on the street.”

Street parking is decal only. By the number of tickets he’d obtained, she deduced that he most likely had no decal. “Hence all the tickets.” She finalized.

“Yeah.”

“Criminal.” She shook her head jokingly.

“Guilty as charged.” He held out his wrists to her as if she was putting him in handcuffs. “See you around, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Then he turned and left, moving quickly down the pavement.

—

Tags (dm to be removed): @lady-x-red @justtwhst @lokisbitch27 @boundtomyfate @cyberdoshee @liquorlaughslove @heroine-of-color

#The Ta #henry cavill x black reader #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x black woman #henry cavill x black woman #the ta fic

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party-with-books · 3 years

Note

Hiya! So I’m just getting into musicals after my friend sent me two songs that were absolute bangers from Heathers and I’m pretty sure you like musicals so do you have any recommendations? 👀 if not that’s totally fine!

Oh. HOney.

Do i know musicals?!?! (i’m so sorry in advance, but you’ve opened pandora’s box)

Strap in, i’m your humble tour guide!

A Beginner’s Guide to Musicals

Now, its hard to organize these all but i’ll do my best. I orignally had MANY others on the list, but it seemed smarter not to overwhelm you with too many different genres, so i kept it simple. I also will recommend some songs out of order before listening to the show from the beginning, but that’s just

Some are gonna be movie musicals, so just bear in mind, but if you want the broadway version i can oblige! A couple personal favorites i highly suggest are:

Wicked

The backstory of the Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, and Glinda the Good, before the events of the Wizard of Oz.

Listen, if i had to choose one show to see on Broadway, its this one. When the u.s. tour came to my city, i was beyond excited. And when my in-laws got orchestra seats for us to see it in, i all but cried. :D I could quite literally write an entire essay about the show deep diving into the costumes, the set and stage design, the tech and lights, the script adaptation, etc...

The music is iconic in its own right, and its just so much fun and full of heart! Start right at the beginning with No One Mourns The Wicked and The Wizard and I are brilliant places, but legit with any of these songs you can’t go wrong. There are even reprises in the show they didn’t put on the soundtrack but 1000% should be there, its just that good!

Full soundtrack available here!

Phantom of the Opera

Ah yes! An oldie but a goodie. Its almost all singing, but boy is it worth it! I actually recommend watching this, cause it’d end up being the same runtime and you get the added benefit of seeing everything going on. But the whole movie soundtrack is available on YouTube, of course (the prologue is super slow, just fair warning, its a lot more for visuals than musical). The Phantom of the Opera title song is a great starting place. Music of the Night (immediately following POTO) and Think of Me are some of my top favorites, but really this whole soundtrack is just *chefs kiss*. Oh! And All I Ask of You just melts my heart! Also, of you want a great stage production soundtrack, the 25th Anniversary at Albert Hall starring Sierra Boggess and Ramin Karimloo is fantastic as well!

Also also, i know where to watch both movie and stage performances, so just lemme know if you’d like that. :D

Hamilton

Ok now hear me out! I honestly also didn’t like Hamilton when it first came out. And i didn’t for a long time. I’m a more traditional broadway connoisseur, plus the only rap i really listened to was Eminem. But even there i’m super selective, and i made the mistake of listening to the intro song first.

Don’t be me.

Sometimes you need the familiar first before you get to the place where they branch off (in this case, throwing in some rap verses).

Hamilton in 7 Minutes is an amazing a cappella compilation of the entire soundtrack, plus the animatic someone drew for it is phenomenal. After that i highly HIGHLY recommend Helpless and then You’ll Be Back, oh and The Schuyler Sisters! This show is just as quirky and sweet as it is emotional. And i get its not for everyone, but i’d be remiss if i didn’t at least mention it.

Newsies

Inspired by the real-life happening of the Newsboys going on strike in 1899 New York.

Oh man, how do profess my love to thee? Mainly an all boys cast (but the ladies who have songs in it are *chefs kiss*), the choreography is as incredible as the music itself, and boy howdy is the music great! Jeremy Jordan is the butter on my bread and as Jack Kelly, just lives rent free in my head on repeat. If he sang to me every night, sleep would never be an issue. xD Carrying the Banner, King of New York, and Watch What Happens are great ways to start off this party. And here i shall grace you with the whole Live soundtrack (i didn’t like the audio quality for the regular recorded one i found, but its still the same cast so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯).

The whole stage show was professionally filmed and lives on Disney+ currently btw! (so go watch it! The tap numbers and spoon playing in it give me LIFE)

Heathers the Musical

The darkly delicious story of Veronica Sawyer, a brainy, beautiful teenage misfit who hustles her way into the most powerful and ruthless clique at Westerburg High: the Heathers. But before she can get comfortable atop the high school food chain, Veronica falls in love with the dangerously sexy new kid J.D. When Heather Chandler, the Almighty, kicks her out of the group, Veronica decides to bite the bullet and kiss Heather’s aerobicized ass…but J.D. has another plan for that bullet.

I’m so glad you already like this! The music really is a great banger and the story surprisingly manages to be both edgy humor-wise and serious when the moments call for it. Its a lot of fun and i’m surprised by how much i like it. If you haven’t already listened to them, Beautiful is the intro and is really good, and also Candy Store & Big Fun!

The Little Mermaid Musical

The movie and musical that need no introduction! I was really surprised by how much i liked Broadways soundtrack for the show, and how short-lived its time on stage was. It really doesn’t get enough credit for how much creativity went into everything. And what an all-star cast too! All the original songs from the movie are there, and i think they did a really good job expanding them even more, especially Under the Sea. Her Voice (10/10 just melts my heart) i’ll also recommend beforehand but honestly you don’t need too much. Just go straight from the start and head onward, you’ll really enjoy it!

The Sound of Music

Man i’m getting nostalgic. Another oldie but goodie! My mom, sisters and I loved watching this movie growing up (along with Oklahoma, Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, Singin’ In the Rain, My Fair Lady, Fiddler on the Roof, and just...every musical in our collection ;P). Funny, sweet, romantic, heartwarming, its got it all! The Sound of Music kicks everything off, and from there you can’t go wrong, but this is another movie musical i highly encourage watching! Also i just wanna throw in The Lonely Goatherd now cause its so much fun, so why wait?! ~~

Ok whew! I think that’s it (for now). It took a while to find links for everything, but we did it! Please holla at me if you have any questions or concerns. :)

Oh yes, and if you would like to see any of these masterpieces via recording, i may or may not have such knowledge for your viewing and/or audio entertainment.

#i edited this list like 5 times #trying so hard not to vomit so many shows at you all in one go #every time i keep thinking of another one like 'aw man i forgot to add Joseph and the Dreamcoat or Cinderella'#if you want like a round 2 list i got that also #xD #(tbh i have a whole word doc full of musicals i adore and love and keep adding more to every day)#this is like my overall collection of well-known musicals that got me started in the theatre world #looking at this i'm also realizing these are all shows i'd really want to perform in at some point in my life #a bookdragon answers #dillislazii #broadway #musicals #wicked #the phantom of the opera #newsies #heathers the musical #hamilton #the little mermaid #the sound of music

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theanimeview · 4 years

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The Summer of Online Anime Cons - Review!

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @peggyseditorial

OKAY. This review has been way overdue, but in my defense, I wanted to wait until Summer was officially over, and for me, that meant the Crunchyroll Expo needed to happen before making this post. So let's get into it:

This summer, in addition to the Big Three Anime Weekend (where people could attend Anime Expo Lite, Funimation Con 2020, and Aniplex Online Fest all at once), we also had Comic-Con, the Virtual Crunchyroll Expo, and several other small conferences happening online like the Toonami special.

The events I "attended" happened to all be free (woohoo!), and to be perfectly honest: I LOVED it. I hope that they have more virtual conventions like these in the future. It's not because I don't love in-person and live conventions. I mean, anyone that knows me personally knows that I love conventions, traveling, dressing up, and more. I am a massive nerd for literary/professional/writing conferences and actively seek them out to attend throughout the year (if not present at them). I love anime conventions just as much and see them as a way to geek out with people from all over the world who share the same interests I do (and often know the niche anime/manga/webcomic/etc. that so few of my regular friends know about or have any interest in seeing!).

However, I think that Anime Expo has seriously fallen apart in recent years. It's something I've been more than vocal about in the past, like last year. Last year, as much as I did have fun, the convention space was overly crowded. AX is one of the largest anime conventions in the US, and overcrowding isn't unexpected given the size of it; however, since 2017, the convention has gone from simply full/crowded to claustrophobia-inducing. Enough so that someone like me, who had never felt claustrophobia before in their life, became overwhelmed and physically ill due to the number of people touching me on all sides as we attempted to shimmy down packed hallways. As a reference, I usually love enclosed and or crowded spaces--like, my mom and I frequented packed swap-meets as a child that I loved navigating. I also grew up with six older siblings, in a home next to Disneyland... so, like, crowds are not an issue for me, which is why I never expected to feel the level of anxiety I did in that horrible 2017 crowd, which repeated in AX 2019.

Add on to that panel experience: whereas before people could and would regularly slip in and out of panels with lines sometimes being outside the door for smaller rooms with more popular content, now the lines for most programs are often placed outside, in the heat, with attendees asked to line up sometimes hours in advance to have even a chance of attending. To my knowledge, Sakura-Con and several other conventions I've gone to in the last few years don't have that problem, and it's a fair guess as to why but let's leave that topic for another day.

By comparison, the virtual convention was a breeze! Yes, sometimes I had to sacrifice going to one panel over another, but who hasn't had to do that at conventions before? Ultimately, I could enjoy the panels from the comfort of my own home in PJs. I didn't need to worry about food, overheating in the sun, or finding the bathroom while at my house. I didn't get to meet new people (😥), but I did get to "attend" with friends of mine that can't go to conventions regularly for health reasons.

My major criticism of the virtual conventions can be summed up pretty easily. One issue I found was that the scheduling of three digital-conventions in one weekend was far too tight, but that was quickly mediated by the Funimation and Aniplex groups banding-together and merging the events so that Day 2 of FC2020 was a split with AOF2020. Another criticism I had is the lack of shopping--but I'm sure my wallet and bank account were relieved to find that I was much too entranced in panels to care about putting my cards through a ringer. I thought I would be upset by panel cancellations, but since virtual conventions are new and since panel cancellations happen at live conventions too, I can't say I'm all that upset by them. Not to mention how easy it was to handle such cancellations online when you have many more panels to attend freely.

What was probably most upsetting was, at times, the layout. Of all the conventions, I think AX and Comic-Con did the best job with panel layout. AX used Twitch live streams, YouTube, and a handful of unique call-in panels that were easy to navigate. More frustrating was the ever-changing schedule times at AX, but that happens (mainly when you are one of the first conferences navigating the online-field and thereby making all the first mistakes). Ultimately, it was EASY to get to the right "room" for the right panel. It helped too that their schedule was frequently updated, so it was rarely a question of "which room?" and "when does this thing start?" Comic-Con, which featured all their panels on pre-scheduled youtube posts, was similarly easy to navigate and enjoy. Frankly, I preferred the use of YouTube as Comic Con's primary platform for distribution more, but that's just because I enjoy being able to go back and rewatch things later.

Funimation and Aniplex suffered a bit by not updating their schedules consistently. For example, Funimation kept listing panels for Day 2 in the room merged with the Aniplex Online Fest live-stream, leaving me (and I'm sure a few others) to wonder what in the world happened to all those disappearing panels. Though, I'm sad to say that Crunchyroll Expo had it way worse. Their different "rooms" attempted to allow for many panels and multiple languages, and it suffered due to the way they handled this, among other complications. The way things were labeled for different languages meant you either had to search through the individual tabs to make sure you wouldn't miss anything, or sift through all of it at once. There was no in-between. You also wouldn't know which panel was whereafter it aired, meaning things got lost easily. Sometimes I wouldn't even know what panel was canceled, rescheduled, or entirely overlooked by me! This issue is difficult for me to find acceptable, as the Crunchyroll Expo happened months after other conventions and had arguably more time to review platform options and layouts for their digital conference. It almost felt like they were aiming for a "different just to be different" feel ultimately at the cost of user experience, which is crazy since Crunchyroll is one of the largest online anime streaming platforms in the US abroad. It would have been better for them to publish their pre-recorded panels similar to episodes of a show that people could scroll through than the disorganized mess that their expo "stages" tried to do.

With that said, let’s focus on content.

Panels were the main focus of these conventions (obviously), and content-wise, they did NOT disappoint. AX hit HUGE on the industry panels from major licensing and publishing companies in the US and Japan. They also had the most in terms of interesting focuses. There was a healthy mix of fan panels, culture panels, industry panels, and such, meaning someone could find something of interest in nearly every hour. In fact, at the time, Casea (@madamekrow) and I were in a real panic about how to watch everything we wanted to watch. You could tell that a lot of thought had gone into making this thing work given how quickly they had to switch from live to digital, and I appreciate that. FC2020 and AOF2020, by comparison, were not as reliable in terms of those profession-based and fan-based panels, and given that they are mainly licensers of anime rather than convention planners, it makes sense. They were also up against a convention with a long history (BTW, AX celebrates 30 years in 2021). That's not to say they didn't come to the table without the cards.

FC2020 brought it home with premiere screenings of animes to come. My favorite of their premiere list is By The Grace of The gods, set to come out in October of 2020. Meanwhile, AOF2020 lacked premieres, professional and fan-based panels but made up for it with entertainment of a different kind. They hosted all-night marathons of popular works they license, held a digital concert, and unintentionally perhaps, generally gave a place to "chill" between the stressful jumping from panel to panel. In conclusion of the Big Three Weekend, they gave the summer a phenomenal start!

Next up is Comic-Con. In my opinion, their panels were heavily movie-based as opposed to print-media comics, manga, or anime. Yes, of course, there were plenty of comic panels too, but they weren't the same as what we saw during AX, FC2020, or AOF2020. The feel was different--maybe because of content. Regardless, it was interesting. I enjoyed much of the industry-related panels, like "Manga Publishing Industry Roundtable" and "How to Thrive as an Indie Comics Creator Now!" (I mentioned before I'm a publishing nerd, right?) Perhaps most preferable to me is that the Comic-Con panels are still available on their YouTube channel, which means that unlike many other conventions, I can share the panels with friends interested in a particular series, subject, or person. I LOVE that. Share-ability is huge, and I think Comic-Con was smart to make their content available moving forward. It has certainly been great for my film-loving friends and our team members here at The Anime View (like Jenna @jkmorgan-media).

Lastly, Crunchyroll Expo. What can I say about this one? The panels were huge variables. I know that everyone on our team found them to be a mixed bag, myself included, as Crunchyroll opened up to fans hosting panels. This was great, in my opinion, but with that comes a bit of criticism. Some fan panels were polished, exciting, and engaging. I loved many of the mecha panels. I also loved some that were engaging discussions of a topic between people that were close friends. HOWEVER, with that came just as many who were new to public speaking, hadn't prepared much of anything and just recorded an awkward Zoom call, or worse (it's hard to describe how).

As for the smaller conferences like the mini-Toonami Con during Adult Swim’s digital conference, I don’t really have anythings specific to say so I’ll be leaving them out of this review.

I don't want to shoot down any of the fans that hosted panels despite this negative review. It's HARD to present at conferences, and for some, it's even harder when they know they are being recorded. I remember my first conference where I stared at my paper the whole time and had to be asked to raise my voice twice for people to hear, while my friend aimed my phone at me to record the mortifying presentation for my mother. I don't blame the people that had a hard time doing this, and I fully support Crunchyroll for giving fans, particularly young ones, the platform and experience to do this. Some of those panels were very interesting, despite the presenter's awkwardness. Controversially, the handful that made no effort (and you could tell which), I don't extend that empathy.

For me, panels quality has nothing to do with camera work, lighting, or even sound in some cases (for the most part, as long as you can hear the words--awesome). I didn't need to see spot-on PowerPoint slides, anime clips to fit the conversation or hyperactivity. To me, it was all about what was being said or not said. One panel that comes to mind that I aimed to attend was about picking the right anime for you or a friend. I ended up ditching half-way through. It was, sorry to say, terrible. The hosts definitely had the energy and passion to discuss anime and interesting subjects beyond their approach to the idea of recommendations.

For example, they spent a reasonable amount of time comparing how they grew up experiencing anime to how many people now entering the fandom have come to know it. They started by describing how they watching anime on a handful of VHS rentals from BlockBusters, while many people in my (Peggy's) "anime generation" grew up in the age of fansubs and illegal uploads; meanwhile, my (Peggy's again) niece grew up experiencing all of her anime through legal online licensing services like Netflix, Funimation, Crunchyroll, etc. After discussing that difference, they mentioned briefly (as in one time in a single sentence) that the popularity of a particular genre in anime when you entered may affect what you find most interesting before completely undercutting themselves to say that you can't recommend anything to anyone because people always think about what they like first. (I hate to break it to them, but I find it pretty easy to recommend things based on my friends' stated interests in past series. Maybe that's because I watch almost everything of every genre in anime, but also--it's not rocket science. If your friend likes thrilling action movies, you can probably name a few thrilling action animes to satisfy their interest.) It felt as though the panel's title was misleading when the answer to recommending anime is "you can't." (when, in fact, you can with little to no complications!)

Overall, for me, AX takes the crown in terms of content. They had a fantastic mix of everything you hope to see at a comic convention in addition to making it fun. Comic-Con takes the crown for best platform use and layout (AX takes a close second and Aniplex/Funimation sharing third)... Crunchyroll doesn't rank in this category. Aniplex/Funimation shares the title of Best Entertainment. Crunchyroll takes the crown for fan inclusion into the presentation spotlight. They're all winners, but if I really had to rank them, it'd be this:

Anime Expo - Title: Content is King 👑

Comic-Con - Best Platform/Layout

Aniplex/Funimation (Sharing is caring) - Best Entertainment

Crunchyroll - Best Fan Inclusion

With that, I conclude my long drafted review. Thank you for your patience, and I'll see you all next week in another post!

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fluffy-marshmallow-heart · 5 years

Text

Feeling The Music

Choices Platinum- Shane x MC

Words: 4059

Warnings: Swearing? All my fics have swearing. There's nothing crazy here

Alright so, here is a fic that absolutely nobody asked for and yet here it is! I haven't been overly thrilled with the book Platinum...until this latest chapter where our dear friend Shane became a love interest. I wasn't expecting it, I hadn't flirted with him, and when it came time to shoot the music video, I figured, why not choose Shane? I'm not infatuated with either Avery or Raleigh, so I'll just use my friend. Now, I went into this knowing there would be a kiss involved. (There was an option not to, but I'm thirsty so naturally I did). I was pleasantly surprised at the adorableness of it.

And so, I wrote chapter 6 from Shane's POV, and I dedicate this to my bestie @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul because it is her birthday and she told me about Shane becoming an LI in the first place.

Happy Birthday my wonderful friend!!!!!

Master List

Shane rushed around in the early morning hours, getting his camera equipment ready for an early morning video shoot. He didn’t know what it was, just some music video. He didn’t know the artist, the song…it didn’t matter. He was really enjoying film, and he picks up whatever work he can, wherever he can. He’d heard David Winton, a distinguished filmmaker, was in charge of production. He’s known for everything from arthouse films to vinyl-award winning music videos. He’s hoping to introduce himself at some point in the day, he just needs it to be the right moment.

Walking into the studio, he began to set things up with the rest of the crew, listening to the stage buzzing with life. The music video will be called Knockout, and it’s about getting back on your feet and rising up in spite of obstacles. Suddenly he hears his name being shouted from across the room.

“SHANE????”

His mouth drops as he took in the sight of the star…none other than his best friend forever, Cadence Dorian. She was hardly recognizable, wearing jean shorts, an emerald green top, and a see-through black shirt with flowers. Her hair was purple and tied into two knots on top of her head, along with a purple bandanna. She looked nothing like his girl next door.

“Whoa, Cadence?”

She sprints forward and gives him a way overdue hug. “What on earth are you doing here?”

“I signed up as a camera assistant for a music video shoot, but they didn’t tell me it would be your video” He exclaimed.

“That’s amazing! I hope we get to spend a lot of time together…We have so much to catch up on! I’ve barely seen you.” She squealed in delight.

Shane just grinned, not even knowing what to say. Her excitement of seeing him was blowing him away. She’s always happy to see me but…this is a whole new level. What is going on? Why are her eyes sparkling that way?

“A-hem. We must get started.”

Cadence eyes widened. “Right! Of course, sorry. Shane, I’ll catch you later!”

“Go kill it!” He called after her, as she sprinted back across the set, straight to…Shane gulped. David Winton.

David Winton. She’s talking to THE David Winton!!?? Of course she is, she’s the star, of course, that makes sense.

Shane continued helping the rest of the crew set up. He kept glancing over at Cadence as she spoke animatedly with several people. He inched closer to hear the conversation.

“The backdrop should be a tropical each” She was saying. Shane smiled to himself. She’s always loved the beach. She’d always said that one day, she’d make music on the beach, and now here she was, making it happen.

David steepled his fingers together. “An excellent choice, young Cadence, I see it now…The beach as liminal space. The serene ocean waters…and the chaos that lies beneath! Now, I have one last question. Given that this short film is to be a romance…”

Shane dropped his tool with a clatter but luckily no one seemed to notice. A romance? She’s shooting a romance? But I thought this was about getting back up after falling and…

“Shane? Come over here a minute!”

His eyes snapped back up as Cadence waved him over, both David Winton and another woman staring at him blankly.

As Cadence explains to him the situation, he could feel himself becoming nervous. Me? She wants me to be in the video? Why not Raleigh? Why not Avery? Or anyone recognizable? I’m no one.

“Chemistry is difficult to fake.” David explained. “The two of you are best friends? The chemistry is already there! I can see it now! Two young lovers finally realizing the true potential of their relationship! Feelings that have been hidden so deep down, they didn’t even know they existed!”

Shane gapes at him a moment. “Wait. Are you sure? But I…I’m not an actor. I’m strictly a behind the cameras person.”

Cadence grabbed both of his hands in hers. “Look, Shane…I’ve known you forever. I’m terrified of doing this, and I just need…I need you up there with me. Okay?”

Shane’s heart was pounding. When I woke up this morning, I was not expecting anything like this to happen.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s a nobody!” The woman exclaimed.

Cadence turned and glared at her. “He’s not a nobody to me. This is my best friend.” She grabbed his arm and led him off to the side, speaking in a whisper. “Besides, Shane, you love Dave Winton. This is your chance to get noticed!”

Shane found himself agreeing readily. She squealed again, wrapping him in a giant hug, and he was overcome with her presence. It had only been a month, but it felt like they’d been apart for ages. Did she always smell this good? Was her skin always this soft? Has she always fit so perfectly in my arms?

He pulled back. “All right. So I’ll, uh…head along to hair and makeup then!” He gave a wide smile. He was nervous, but extremely excited. This could be his big break. His film idol is going to be directing him all day. This is insane!! Thank you, Cadence!!

To his great relief, he was mainly left with his regular image, and in no time he was back on set. For a few minutes, David goes over staging for the scene, and they rehearse the scene together as Cadence mouths along to the recording.

Shane was in awe of her. He always knew that she’d make it big. He’d missed her big One In A Million win, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to miss this. He was so grateful she chose him to star with her. It will be a memory for the ages.

“So you see? Your love interest is your lifeline in the story, when everything else has you down. Together, you triumph over the forces that landed you on this metaphorical desert island of the soul.”

“Got it! I think.” Cadence caught Shane’s eye and they burst into a fit of giggles. Starting again, Shane couldn’t keep his hands off her…per David’s direction, of course.

No other reason! David Winton wants us close, so we’re close. And she’s my best friend so we’ve touched lots of times…not like that but…we have…ah crap! He could feel himself blushing more and more, every time she danced around him, grabbing his hand, placing it on her waist, teasing him mercilessly with fuck me eyes and flirty moves. He was captivated. This was a whole new Cadence.

Confident. Sexy. Funny. Gorgeous.

“You okay?” She whispered loudly as he spun her around, her back pressed against his chest, looking into his eyes while still swaying her hips.

“Just hot!” He nodded vigorously. She rose an eyebrow but didn’t ask anything else, to his great relief. Suddenly she was grinding on him, and he felt his dick twitch.

Fuck!!

He spun her out quickly, as though it was all part of the scene, hoping she was none the wiser.

Some time later…

David Winton clapped his hands together. “All right, everybody, take five! Imbibe nourishment and fresh air. Consider your character’s ethos.”

Cadence sprints to the craft services table, where Shane joins her.

“Wow, this is amazing! I’m learning so much! Thanks, Cadence. I don’t know why I was ever nervous about playing your love interest. This was so worth it.” I’m just going to forget any type of weird feelings I may have had up there. We’re professionals right now, that’s it. She’s in character. I’m in character. Totally it.

“Aww, Shane. I’m glad we get to help each other out today.” She smiled at him, and he smiled right back.

“Alright! That was five! Places everyone! Let’s get back to it.” David announced.

Cadence laughed. “Ready? We’re probably almost done. I think. I hope.”

Together they walk back to the stage. Cadence grabs the prop for the scene in preparation, a fake glass of tequila sunrise. Then she picks up a guitar that Shane’s never seen before…except for when she performed on One In A Million. He’d just assumed it was part of that show. But now she’s carrying it around like she owns it.

I wonder what the deal is with that. How did she get such a fancy guitar so fast? The Cadence I know wouldn’t have given up her old faithful so quickly…

Then he realized David Winton was talking again. “Now, see, something’s been missing from those first fifty-two takes, and I’ve finally identified what it is. This is a love song, and yet the love simply isn’t palpable.”

“What do you mean? How are we supposed to make the love…palp?” Cadence asked, sounding confused.

“Well, when one person loves another, traditionally, how do they express it?”

Oh no. “Is he…is he talking about…”

“Kissing! Kissing, you fools!

Hold up. “Wait. You...you want us to…”

“Yes.” He interrupted. “Would you be amenable, then? To a brief kiss in the scene?”

Holy crap. This is not happening. There’s no way I can kiss her! No possible way! And I know she feels like that too…

“I think…we should kiss onscreen.” Cadence said slowly, before looking at Shane in surprise, as if she couldn’t believe she’d just said that out loud. “If it’s alright with you, of course!” She finished a little too loudly.

Oh crap. “Oh! Yes, of course! I mean, as long as you’re comfortable with it!” Oh my god, am I that loud too?

She flashed him a killer smile. “I am.”

Really? She…is? It’s not going to make things weird? I hope it doesn’t make things weird. She’s like my sister.

David lit up. “Wonderful! Lights! Camera! Surrealism!”

Cadence lip syncs again, and as she sings the last line of the song, she sets her instrument aside and turns to Shane. He takes a deep breath. She’s been his best friend since they were four. He rests a hand on her waist, leans in close, and whispers in her ear.

“Are we actually doing this? Are we really, actually doing this?”

We can still do something else.

She whispers back. “We are. We are really, actually doing this.”

She leans in and their lips gently connect. Oh my god, I’m kissing Cadence. On the mouth. And she’s kissing me. And she’s good at it. Fuck me, her lips are so soft, so sweet, I need…oh god, I need to taste her.

He removes one of his hands from her waist and cups her face in it, while moving the other hand to the small of her back, pressing her flush against him, and parting her lips with his own and sweeping his tongue inside. She moaned lightly, and all sorts of images flashed in his mind. Images of her. Moaning. Screaming. Writhing in pleasure beneath him. On top of him. Everywhere.

“CUT! Brilliant! We’ve got it! We have created a piece de resistance that will outlive and outlast us!”

Shane freezes, feeling Cadence doing the same as David’s voice boomed. They quickly break apart as the crew begins to break down the set.

Shane rubs the back of his neck nervously. “So. Um.”

“Yeah. Um.” She stammered.

They stared at each other a moment before he finally clears his throat. “I’m gonna go and…uh…”

“Right. Yeah. Totally.” She agrees, a strange look still on her face.

Shane shrinks into himself and slips off into the crowd of crew members, his thoughts running wild.

Was that a real kiss or was that a stage kiss? That felt real. It felt…very real. Shit, I just kissed Cadence. Cadence. I’ve seen her eating play-doh, what the hell is the matter with me? I shouldn’t have been in the video. I should have said no. I should’ve stayed behind the cameras.

Leaving the building, his thoughts turned to the way the he pressed her tight against him, the way he demanded more from her, needed more of her. He could still hear and feel her moaning into his mouth.

Shane sees her exit the building and sign autographs. Before he could stop himself, he approached her.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing out here?”

“I’m just waiting for my ride. What about you?” She asked.

“Also waiting for my ride.” He paused a moment before continuing. “So, um, listen, about that kiss…I just wanted to say I’m really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, or if…”

“No, not at all!” She responded, Looking surprised. “Not uncomfortable. In fact, I’m sorry of I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, you didn’t! Not at all! So, we’re agreed. We’re cool with the kiss, and things are not awkward at all.” He rambled.

She grinned. “Exactly! Great! Can I just say that I’m really glad you’re with me in this world? I feel like so many of these people have forgotten what it’s like to be…normal.”

His expression soured “Yeah. Tell me about it. One guy on the crew offered to read my aura for $599.99.”

Then an idea occurred to him. “If you want to get away from all of this just for a little while, me and my roommates are throwing a party back in our loft in NoHo.”

Her face lit up, the face he was so familiar with, no longer masked by makeup and wigs. “That sounds amazing. I still haven’t seen your dorm!”

He watched as the light then vanished from her eyes. “But I’m worried about getting recognized. It’s starting to get more common.”

Man, she looks so sad. That’s it. She needs to come. “I mean, we could throw together a disguise for you. I bet your stylist has a lot of looks and wigs leftover from the music video shoot.”

Her green eyes brightened again. “Wow, getting to dress up as someone else and pretend to be normal again sounds really fun.”

He slapped her fondly on her back. “And, man, we’d finally get to catch up! I feel like it’s been forever. I miss you!”

“I miss you, too!” She launched herself into his arms, and he held her tightly, wondering what was going on with her. He was kicking himself for not keeping in touch like he should.

Why haven’t I been? I know I’m busy but…wow, that’s a really lame excuse. And damn, she’s so soft and warm.

They go back inside and rummage back through the set until she finds a disguise. He averts his eyes as she changes.

“Okay. I’m ready. What do you think?”

He looked back at her and his breath caught in his throat. Now she had hot pink hair, a black one shoulder crop top, extremely short denim shorts, a black belt, layered necklaces…and her glasses.

It took him a moment to find his voice again. “Damn, Cadence, you look great! Loving the hair. Is this your version of a Sasha Fierce alter ego?”

She let out a loud laugh. “Thanks, Shane. Man, I haven’t been to a college house party since that dead week trip we did when we were seniors. Do grad students go hard?”

He shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to see.”

After a quick subway ride, they glide through the doors of Shane’s dorm, the party already in full swing. Dozens of students fill the space, music blasts in the speakers, and red cups clutter the ping pong table.

He leads them to the drink station and mixes them each a hard drink before turning back to her. “So, what do you think? Is this as cool as Propaganda?”

“Oh, much cooler. I feel like I’m right back I my element. Come on, let’s talk about what’s going on with you.”

They find a quiet corner of the dorm and sip on their drinks while watching the party.

“So do you guys host parties here a lot?” She asks.

“Here and there. But I spend so much time in class or trying to get work experience. And then when I do have free time I use it for…you know. Sleeping. Eating.” He admitted sheepishly.

She bumped his shoulder with her own. “Aww, Shane. One month into grad school and already working yourself to the bone.”

He scoffed. “I mean, I’m having the time of my life! The people are amazing,”

“Isn’t it hard, though? Balancing everything?”

He nodded. “It’s hard, but it’s a good kind of hard. When you really care about someone…”

Wait, what?? “I mean, something…even when it’s hard, it still feels good. It still feels rewarding.”

Cadence was gaping at him. “Wait…Someone? Shane, oh my god, have you met someone already? Tell me, tell me!”

She’s…excited? But…really? It’s only been a month…

He shook his head. “Um, no, I just…I misspoke. Let’s get another drink!” He stood abruptly and led her back to the fridge for another round of drinks, when suddenly…he grabs her arm excitedly. “Oh my god, Cadence, they’re playing your song from the One In a Million finale!”

“No way!” She gasps, as students around them sing along, arm in arm, raising their cups.

“This is my new favorite song!”

“Right? I think it was the best performance on One in a Mil, maybe ever.”

“You hearing this, Cadence?” He looks over at her shocked face, pride and warmth swelling throughout him.

“Wow, I can’t believe it! It feels amazing to hear about it while being anonymous!” Her eyes were wide and almost…glistening?

What the hell? “Then I’m sure you needed the break.”

All around them, the party breaks out into people dancing to her song.

She whirls on him. “May I have this dance?” Putting out an overly formal accent, she places her hand out for Shane to take.

He looks at it in surprise. “Really? I mean, I know I’m not the best dancer, but…”

“Come on, Shane. You tore up the floor at our senior prom. Not to mention you just danced in a music video. Trust me. You’ve got moves.”

He felt a blush rise to his cheeks. “Then…Of course, m’lady.”

Shane gives her what he’s sure is this shy, stupidly cute grin, and he puts his hands on her waist and…he pulls her close to him. So close. He can smell her light scent of amber and…oh no. I’m feeling…feelings. I’m feeling all kinds of feelings. Get a grip, man! What is wrong with you?! This is Cadence! You’re best friend! The girl next door! You used to bet which color play-doh tasted best!

But he can’t stop. He can’t back away. Instead, he leans forward, resting his forehead against hers. “I’m so glad you’re finally here, Cadence. I’ve missed you so much.” He murmured quietly.

“Yeah? I’ve missed you too, Shane…” She whispered.

They’re close. They’re really close, her lips are a breath away, and the thoughts erupt in his head again. Thoughts of kissing her. He doesn’t want to admit it. He doesn’t want to admit that a single kiss may have changed things for them. For him.

As the song comes to a close she spoke again. “Man, who would’ve thought we’d be dancing to my song one day.”

His brown eyes met her green ones. “I did. I’ve always believed you could do it, Cadence.” He watched a blush cross her features this time, and he brushed a strand of pink hair out of her face. “Come on.” He takes her hand and they climb onto the fire escape together.

She lets out a low whistle, taking in the view. “Okay. NoHo, you win.”

A chuckle escaped his lips. “I bet the apartment the label put you up in isn’t too shabby, right?”

“It’s amazing. I just wish our neighborhoods were a bit closer. This city’s so sprawling.” She frowned, and he took her chin with his fingers and made her look at him again before letting go.

“Hey, where there’s a will, there’s a way. We’ve gotten into too much trouble to break the tradition now.”

“Yeah, we got away with so much nonsense when we were kids. Do you remember that time we got married in front of our teddy bears?”

“Oh, my god, yes!” He gasped. “Mr. Fuddlewuddle was the pastor!”

“And Barbie was my maid of honor! So kind of her to be in our wedding party. Even though we beheaded her and amputated her plastic limbs…” She smirked at him.

“Poor Barbie. Suffering in the name of science.” He agreed.

“You know, I hate to break it to you, Shane, but I don’t think the ceremony was legally binding. I mean. Unless Mr. Fuddlewuddle went out and got ordained without us knowing.”

He shrugged with a smile. “Regardless, the reception was great. Orange Kool-Aid. Oreos. Mac and Cheese with little cut-up hot dogs, courtesy of your dad.”

“Oh, yes. We were party planners extraordinaire. Oh! And do you remember when we had to raise an egg as our child?”

He burst out laughing. “Yes! Our little John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt!”

“Can’t believe we were advanced enough to give our egg a hyphenated last name.” She joked.

“And we made it the whole week without putting one single crack in that little guy!”

Cadence grimaced. “He really reeked by the end of the assignment, though. And then we rode our bikes out to the overpass just to drop him on some unsuspecting vehicle.”

“Man, it was so hot out too. We watched our son fry to death, right there on the car’s sunroof.”

“Okay, but we were really good parents up until we threw him into traffic.” She stopped speaking a moment before starting again. “I had an awesome time tonight, Shane. We need to do this again sometime.”

Shane slid his eyes over to her. “Yeah, for sure. I know you’re super busy all the time, but…”

“But I’ll make time for you. I’ll always make time for you.” She answered softly. Standing looking out over the city, she rests her head on Shane’s shoulder. He puts a warm, comforting arm around her, and they watch the cars go by.

“Shane…” Cadence tilts her head up to gaze into his eyes, their faces only inches apart.

Oh god…Should I kiss her again? This feels like a moment…

“Cadence…About that kiss, at the shoot…” He started, before a sudden crash sounded from inside and the music cut short.

“Ooooow!” Someone groaned.

Shane looks inside. “Oh, shoot! Looks like a keg stand gone bad. I better go handle that.”

She opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “I should head back anyway. I have an early morning studio session tomorrow.” She gives him one last hug before Shane goes back inside to handle the situation, watching quietly as she slips out the door.

The following morning, someone’s banging on his bedroom door. “Yo Shane! Get up, man, you’re famous!”

He groaned into his pillow. After Cadence left he’d pounded the liquor, trying to forget that one kiss had brought him to his knees. His head was throbbing. He reached over and grabbed his phone, disappointed that she didn’t let him know when she arrived home. There was, however, a link from one of his friends. Opening it, he gasped, sitting straight up. Her music video already has hit one million views. He watched himself dance around with his best friend, noticing how wide his smile was, seeing how much fun they were having together. But then he watched the kiss. He saw it transform, right before his very own eyes. One second he was hesitant, while in the next it became one of the best kisses he’s ever witnessed. He pressed pause.

And I’m a film student. I’m a camera man. I’ve seen a lot of kisses. That…that looks real. That looks intimate. That looks…

He sighed, laying back down and looking at the screen, which he’d managed to pause at the exact moment they were breaking apart, their lips still hovering close, eyes still closed, his hand in her hair. He scrubbed his hand down his face.

I need to know. I need to know if there’s real merit to these feelings. I need to know if she felt anything at all. I need to kiss her again…no. I want to kiss her again. Damn it, Cadence. What the hell are we doing?

@annekebbphotography @gardeningourmet @zigortega4life @eileendannie @thequeenofcronuts @drakewalkerfantasy @friedherringclodthing @coffeebeandragon @drakewalker04 @jlpplays1 @desiree-0816

@alesana45

@mfackenthal

@dancetothestoriesinyoursoul

#platinum #choices platinum #shane x mc #playchoices #choices stories you play #playchoices fanfic #playchoices fanfiction #fluffy-marshmallow-heart #fluffy-marshmallow-heart fanfic #fluffy-marshmallow-heart fanfic #fluffy-marshmallow-heart fanfiction

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theepitomeofamess · 5 years

Text

this isn’t a vent fic this isn’t a vent fic this isn’t-

this might be a vent fic. one that i did on impulse and that turned out way longer than i expected.

Analogical (can be read as platonic or romantic) w/ implied Royality

Trigger warnings: talk of depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, some cursing

Word count: 4358

ao3 link

“Hi, do you guys have any walk-ins available?”

“Yeah, but I’ll warn you,” the receptionist turned to a drawer full of clipboards, pulling one out, “there are three people waiting ahead of you.”

“That’s fine. Thank you.” Logan smiled as he took the clipboard, finding a seat in the small waiting room. A barrier stood between the main waiting area and a strip of computers against the wall meant for student sign-ins, but he didn’t know that yet. He’d never done this before. Seeing two chairs situated adjacent to the computers, nestled between the partial wall and an end table with a lamp and pamphlets adorning it, Logan decided it was best to keep himself away from prying eyes. Of course, sitting with the majority of other patients would probably draw less of a gaze, the barrier made him feel safer nonetheless.

He’d wandered in at maybe twelve thirty, just after his second class of the day. He’d been on his way to his dorm to work on the homework for his next class, but he must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. He found himself asking directions to the counseling center from the receptionist downstairs instead of hoping to avoid an interaction with one of his more conversational suitemates. He’d always known where the health center was - he’d made a point of memorizing where it was in relation to his dorm and each of his classes every semester, just in case he got unreasonably sick - but he never thought that he’d go there. Or if he did, he would stay on the first floor.

He thought about leaving more than once. How hard would that be? Just walk out and pretend like nothing had happened. His dorm wasn’t far. Why couldn’t he just leave?

He would have left if there wasn’t a twenty-five dollar no-show fee. He just couldn’t afford that. Not right then.

It was one ten when a soft voice called his name from the space leading back into the hallway of offices. Quicker than he’d expected. There had been plenty of time for his hands to stop shaking, his stomach to stop churning, his shoulders to unwind. Somehow, though, they kept going.

The man was young, probably one of the graduate students that the center had working in order to prepare them practically. He wore a pastel pink button-down under a light brown cardigan, had round-framed glasses, and carried himself with a posture that on anybody else would have come off as cocky, but on him only radiated welcome.

“We’re gonna come right in here,” he gestured to a room, and Logan entered. “If you would take a seat.” Logan did. “My name’s Emile. I want you to know that I am a graduate trainee. These sessions are recorded, and if you would please sign this consent form so that we know that you’re okay with working with a graduate trainee. If you’re not, then you will be transferred to another professional for your following appointments.” Emile held another clipboard with forms to Logan.

At any other moment, Logan would have laughed at the thought of another appointment. He couldn’t bring himself to laugh. He just nodded and signed the form, consenting to working with Emile despite his lack of experience.

“Thank you,” Emile took back the clipboard. “So, why don’t you tell me what brought you in today?”

“I-” Logan cleared his throat, forcing his vocal chords to work. “I need to get screened for depression.” The words still came out as a croak. Emile scribbled something on his clipboard.

“Can you tell me why that is?” Logan looked at the foot of the chair Emile was sitting on. He could feel his throat protesting the thought of speech. He hoped that the brim of his hat he’d worn to keep the rain off his glasses was also working to hide the reddening in his face.

“Do you know the site 7 Cups?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I talked to two listeners on there, and they both said the same thing. It was effectively, ‘yes, you have depression, seek help.’” He could still remember the exact words of one of the listeners, username GreenTeaInsomniac533: “Honey, that’s depression, please talk to someone.”

“And why do you think they said that? I mean, what did you tell them that made them think that?”

“I…” Logan cleared his throat again, determined not to let himself go. Emile didn’t deserve that. Emile was a stranger, just trying to help. Emile didn’t deserve to see him fall apart. “It’s just this… lack… of anything? I’m sorry, I’m not good at explaining things.” Logan lowered his head further, his elbows on his knees and his back hunched. “And I’m always tired - like, in my head, I know that I’m not tired, but then my head and body are so heavy and just screaming ‘Sleeeeeep.’ And… and I’ve started skipping classes in order to just get five more minutes in bed, and my grades are going down because I can’t get up the energy to do work outside of class and…” Logan should have stopped himself there. “And there is a history of mental illness in my family. It’s mainly anxiety, but that and depression tend to go hand-in-hand.”

“Did you come here on their recommendation,” Emile asked after waiting for further explanation, his light scribbling turning frenzied before calming again.

“God, no,” Logan scoffed, finally picking his head up. The look that it got from Emile begged for an explanation that would satisfy him. “Here’s the thing.” Another clear of the throat, another internal plea to not break down. “For so long, I have seemed to be the only somewhat mentally stable person in my family. Like I said, they all have issues of their own, and they’re pretty major. My friends have those kinds of issues, too. Panic attacks, family issues, depression, you name it I probably know somebody who’s got it. I’ve been the only one that nobody’s had to worry about, the only one-” Logan cursed to himself as his voice shattered and a tear fell behind his glasses. “I’m the only one that’s been consistently stable and- and if I’m not… if I’m not stable, then…”

“You feel like if you’re not there to be stable, then everyone will fall apart.” Logan could only nod, taking off his glasses and pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, praying that that would stop the crying. “There are tissues next to you if you need them.” Chancing a glance up, Logan took a Kleenex from the box. “That’s a lot to carry on your own.”

“And it’s so hypocritical,” Logan laughed, putting his glasses back on even though he was still actively crying. “I’m the rant receiver for all of my friends and family, and every time they start to apologize for venting to me, I tell them ‘It’s fine. You shouldn’t have to carry all that on your own.’” Logan hated the way his voice kept breaking, refusing to sound normal, but he couldn’t just sit there and cry until it was over, because then he would have to start talking again and it would start over. “I’m- I’m sorry, I don’t… I never do this, I don’t…”

“Never do what?”

“Just,” Logan gestured out with his arms, his hands focusing near his face, “this. It’s just… the fact that I’m admitting this, admitting that I can’t… that I need help, it’s just…”

“Yeah, it’s very overwhelming.” Emile’s voice was hypnotic to say the least, comforting and warm enough to the point that it could be called a sleeping draught. “ And it’s a lot easier to be nice to other people than to be nice to ourselves.”

“Hell of a lot easier,” Logan muttered, leaning back on the couch and crossing his legs so his ankle rested on his knee.

“Can I ask, just to get more of a gauge, about your past thoughts of suicide?” Logan took a deep, trembling breath.

“Define suicidal thoughts.” Emile nodded, writing something down. “Because I don’t actively contemplate killing myself, it just sort of happens. It’s like, those intrusive thoughts where your brain is like ‘You should walk out into traffic and get hit by a car’ and you just think ‘no, why the fuck would I’- I’m sorry, I don’t know how cursing works with the recording, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, you’re fine.” Emile waved his hand, assuring Logan that he was fine.

Logan calmed down eventually. A few more questions and he found himself with a steady voice and relatively dry eyes. He kept his hat low over his eyes, but he knew that Emile could see him, even if he was shadowed. He answered all of Emile’s questions as well as he could given that he couldn’t feel himself thinking. Questions about substance abuse, self-harm, how he’d been dealing with these feelings up to this point (he hadn’t) and who his support system was. For that last question, he wanted to list off his closest friends, the ones that he knew wanted the best for him because they wouldn’t let him forget it, but since none of them knew he couldn’t list any of them. So he said no one.

“I just want you to know,” Emile brought up as the session came to a close, “that you should really be proud of yourself for coming in. It takes a lot of strength to admit to needing help, especially when you’ve gotten so used to carrying yourself and others for so long. I know that this was overwhelming, but I am so proud of you for coming in, and I really hope that you’re proud of yourself.”

Logan was too exhausted to do anything but smile, and the session was coming to a close so he couldn’t bring up how he wasn’t proud and how the positivity didn’t help, however gentle it was. He got positivity in massive doses every day from staying on the right end of Tumblr, and that never helped either. If anything, it made it worse.

“Here’s some information on the events we have going on here. My personal favorite is Thursdays when we have a session of using art as an outlet - a different kind of art pretty much every week, if we can manage it. And,” he took a business card off the end table, writing something on the back of it, “if you’ll take this to the front desk we’ll get you set up for your next appointment.”

Logan felt his brain protesting against the thought of a ‘next appointment.’ He didn’t need a next appointment. He’d hardly needed this walk-in. He was wasting this poor guy’s time, probably not doing anything to help his graduate work. This poor guy with the reassuring smile, voice gentler than any he’d ever heard, and lively eyes that glowed with a wish to make at least one person’s day a little better. This poor guy that didn’t think Logan was wasting his time.

“Okay, your next appointment is in two weeks,” the receptionist wrote a date on the card, “and either nine-thirty or eleven-thirty.”

“Nine thirty,” Logan agreed. The receptionist finished putting in the appointment and handed Logan back the card through the window. Logan thought that he heard someone say his name behind him, but he ignored it. “Thank you. Have a good day.” Just as he was turning away to leave, Logan felt a hand on his shoulder.

“L?”

Logan turned around on instinct, but wished he hadn’t. Now Virgil could see his puffy eyes, his reddened cheeks. That would have been bad enough, but the unadulterated worry pouring from Virgil was enough to make Logan want to break down again. He wouldn’t - he didn’t have it in him to do that again - but he couldn’t stand the concern, the stress for him. Logan bowed his head, the brim of his hat preventing him from seeing Virgil, Virgil from seeing him.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” The words were just barely loud enough for Virgil to catch.

“Virgil?” An older counselor - probably one of the actual professionals - stepped out with a file in hand.

“Just a second, Joan,” Virgil smiled over his shoulder before turning back to Logan, leaning down just enough to see Logan’s face under the brim of his hat. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. If you go back to my place and I meet you there after this, will you tell me anything about it?” Virgil knew Logan already had a key to his apartment - he’d given one to each of his friends just in case they needed a safe space or he needed them and wouldn’t let them in.

“I can’t make any promises,” Logan finally muttered.

“That’s okay. Will you at least go back to my place?” Logan nodded. “Great. I’ll meet you there.” Before turning to his counselor, Virgil wrapped his arms around Logan, squeezing him around the shoulders.

Logan was bigger than Virgil - both taller and broader - but in that moment he felt so small, he was curled so far in on himself that he couldn’t tell that he was the bigger one. He felt even smaller by the face that Virgil still rarely hugged anyone. The only one Logan had ever seen him hug was Patton, and that was because Patton always initiated. Logan allowed himself a deep breath, deflating into Virgil for a moment before they separated.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?” Virgil smiled gently at Logan, reassurance radiating from his features.

Logan nodded in response to Virgil’s promise. Turning over his shoulder, Logan assumed that Virgil had done the same. He didn’t know that Virgil had watched him out the door before going back with Joan. He was too tired to think, had too much of a headache to wonder. He just wandered to the elevator, keeping his shoulders back as best he could so that if he ran into somebody else on the way to Virgil’s apartment, they wouldn’t be suspicious. At least, not as long as they didn’t look at his face.

Virgil asked Joan if they could cut their session shorter than usual. Joan accepted, however reluctantly, letting Virgil go a quarter of an hour earlier than they would have otherwise liked. Virgil got back to his apartment as quickly as he could. He hadn’t been able to get the image of Logan’s face out of his head. Puffy, red-rimmed eyes, flushed cheeks, crumpled in on himself, horrified and desperate. He could still hear Logan practically begging - something that had impossible to imagine Logan doing up until this moment - for him to not tell anyone.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he got back to his apartment. Maybe he’d expected an immediate explanation, for Logan to have been pacing the entire time he was there just waiting to give Virgil a reason he was there that would ease his nerves. Maybe he’d expected Logan to be sitting at the table with his laptop open, distracting himself with homework or projects or something. Maybe he’d expected a note on the coffee table, telling Virgil that he needed coffee and he went out to get some and would be right back.

Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been Logan completely unconscious, crashed on his couch.

Of course, that shouldn’t have been surprising. From the looks of it, Logan had been through an emotional ordeal, something that Logan - to say the least - wasn’t used to.

Sighing to himself, Virgil pulled a blanket from the lounger on the other side of the room and tucked it over Logan. He took the skewed glasses from Logan’s face so they wouldn’t bend, folding them and setting them on the coffee table. He noticed how messy Logan’s hair was when he took his glasses off. Messy and filthy, like he hadn’t taken the chance to wash it in days, maybe a week. Virgil swallowed against the thought - Logan, who always preached self-care and basic hygiene, not washing his hair for days. Virgil pulled the blanket further up to Logan’s shoulders. Logan was so out that he didn’t react to the changes. Virgil wasn’t about to change that. He wasn’t about to wake Logan up.

Going to his table where he has his drawing pad was still set up from last night - this morning? - Virgil sat down and set to work. Drawing always helped time go by faster for him, and hopefully he could be productive in some capacity while Logan recovered.

He didn’t know what he was drawing until he’d drawn it. A robot - gears and screws and metal and all - with its head bowed. A shadow fell over its face, but that didn’t hide the human eyes welled with tears, bloodshot, the streaks down its face revealing skin underneath the metal. Its mouth was contorted in a shape it wasn’t meant to take, cracking the metal around it to reveal more skin, its human teeth gritted. He was hugging himself, hands holding the metal plating on his arms in place while they tried to peel away, to reveal the trembling self underneath. Virgil labelled the file “Please don’t tell anyone” and he almost hated himself for it.

Virgil had just finished making himself a pot of coffee when he saw Logan sit up on the couch. He looked around, confused by the blanket that he hadn’t put over himself and the glasses that he hadn’t taken off. It was only after he put on his glasses that he recognized Virgil in the kitchen.

“You want some,” Virgil offered, pouring sugar into his coffee as he watched Logan stand and stretch from the couch.

“No, thank you.” Picking up the blanket, Logan folded it how he knew Virgil liked it. “I should get going. Thank you for letting me crash for a bit, but-”

“L,” Virgil stopped him. “I’m not going to make you tell me what happened. I’m not going to make you stay here. But I don’t want you do be alone right now. And I don’t think that you want to be alone.” Logan bit the inside of his cheek, lowering his eyes to avoid feeling Virgil’s - concern? Caring? Whatever it was - full force.

“In that case,” Logan muttered, setting the folded blanket on the couch and strolling to the kitchen, “I guess a cup wouldn’t hurt.” Virgil offered a smile, getting down a mug for Logan. It was his favorite, the one that he always used, the one that said “I have the vocabulary of a well-educated sailor” on the side.

Logan did end up telling Virgil some of why he’d gone to the counseling center, but not before he made him swear not to tell anyone, especially not Patton or Roman. They would never look at him the same way. Patton would end up thinking that he had to tread lightly until Logan proved to him otherwise, and Roman… well, as far as Logan could tell, Roman would never let him live it down. It would come up in every argument, every pointless spat. He was sure of it.

He didn’t cry again. Maybe because he didn’t go nearly as deep, or maybe because he’d already cried himself into a stupor, or maybe it was because Virgil was probably his best friend and as much as a stranger like Emile didn’t deserve to deal with a sobbing mess, Virgil deserved it even less. Maybe it was the coffee and the familiarity of the space. Maybe it was the calming effect that Virgil managed to have on him - as much as Emile’s was comforting and opening, Virgil’s energy made it where Logan didn’t shake with every thought.

“I’m sorry,” he finally concluded. “I don’t want you to have to carry this with you. Just forget I-”

“Logan,” Virgil set a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Do you remember what you did when you figured out about my anxiety and tried to tell you to not worry about it? You kept being the stubborn jackass you are and learned everything you could about what sets me off, what to do if I have an attack, everything. You sat with me through I don’t know how many attacks, and you full on screamed at that teacher junior year for trying to make me present while I was having a panic attack.” Logan chuckled at the memory, coaxing a matching smile from Virgil. “You got suspended for that, and you didn’t care because, y’know what? You care about me. And y’know what? I care about you. So if I have to scream someone down for you, I will. I’m here for you no matter what, bud. Whether you like it or not. And I know that that doesn’t feel right right now, I know that it probably doesn’t help. I know that you’re probably thinking that you don’t want to be a burden. You’re not. I can promise you that. You’ve been here for me for years. If you think I haven’t been ready to do the same for you since we met, you’re dumber than I thought.” Virgil heard the huff of a smile before he felt Logan lean to the side, laying his head against Virgil’s.

“Thanks.” The word came out with more breath than voice. There was so much relief that Virgil wanted to apologize for ever making Logan think that he would be anything but supportive of him.

They didn’t move for a while. Virgil heard his phone binging and knew that it would be Patton or Roman or both. They were probably on their way over. After all, it was Friday night. Netflix and pizza night. Logan was in the bathroom washing his face when they arrived.

“Woah, Virge,” Roman gasped. Virgil looked up from the Domino’s app to find Roman gawking at his laptop. Shit. “This is beautiful. When’d you do that?”

“Last night,” Virgil lied. Patton stepped behind Roman, his jaw dropping at the sight of the drawing.

“Kiddo, that’s amazing!”

“Thanks, guys.” Virgil saved the file again before closing it and his laptop.

“Is it an original character, or something?”

“Yeah.” Leave it to Patton to come up with an explanation Virgil could latch on to. “Haven’t fleshed him out completely, though. That’s my first one of him.”

“Well, let me know as soon as you have more,” Roman requested. “I might need to use that for some writing inspiration.”

“Will do. That is, assuming I don’t abandon him like every other one.” Roman chuckled and the conversation dissipated into Logan asking what they wanted to watch this time. Roman reminded them that the new season of Queer Eye was up, so it was a pretty easy choice.

The night went on as easily as ever. Logan had pulled a complete one-eighty from his state earlier that afternoon. He was bickering with Roman, smiling reluctantly at Patton’s jokes, excusing his still puffy eyes as pulling another late night, putting on a perfect act as though he hadn’t completely fallen apart mere hours earlier. Virgil could relate, but he couldn’t quite understand it. Everything was normal, from the way he took the pepperonis off his pizza to give Patton to the way he only replied with “I’m gay” when Roman asked him why he was sitting on the floor, back pressed to the front of the lounger where Virgil was curled up, when there was plenty of space for him on the couch where Roman and Patton were.

Virgil kept an extra close eye on Logan, though not in any way obvious enough for anybody to really take notice. He watched his patterns, trying to piece together his everyday mannerisms with the collapse earlier. He told himself that Logan probably felt like he was just going through the motions. He watched how Roman teased him, only for him to tease back in a way that suddenly sounded half-hearted. He didn’t envy Patton and Roman’s ignorance. Even though it might’ve been easier to be in their shoes, still completely clueless to what was happening with Logan, it wouldn’t have been better for him. He was so glad he knew. So glad that he could understand a bit more why Logan fell asleep again, the side of his face pressed against the leg Virgil let dangle from the lounger, his nose just against Virgil’s knee.

“Must’ve been more than one all-nighter,” Patton theorized through a marble cookie brownie. Virgil nodded in agreement, not taking his eyes off Logan. For the second time that afternoon, Virgil took Logan’s glasses from his face so they wouldn’t bend. Absentmindedly, Virgil tucked his fingers into Logan’s hair, running the strands between his fingers. He was the only one that heard the soft sound of contentment in Logan’s throat, the only one that felt Logan press his face closer into Virgil’s leg. Virgil couldn’t decide whether his heart was breaking or living, but it was doing something.

None of them moved. None of them ever moved. They all fell asleep in their spots, Patton and Roman tangled together on the couch, Virgil a perfect ball in the lounger except for the leg Logan was using as a pillow. Nobody got up until around eight-thirty, when Roman and Patton both stirred. They got up to get Starbucks for all four of them, but not before Roman got a picture of Virgil and Logan, adding the picture in an album called “Proof that these two idiots are in love.”

By the time they got back, Logan was up and moving. They found him cleaning the coffee pot of yesterday’s contents, having already put the leftover pizza and cookie brownies in Ziplocks and in the fridge. Virgil was still curled up in the chair. Patton smiled at the sight.

“You’re real determined to take care of him, huh,” he asked Logan in a whisper. Logan only smiled, grabbing a cloth to dry the coffee pot. He had no intention of telling Patton that compared to how Virgil had taken care of him yesterday, a clean coffee pot was nothing. Not yet, anyway.

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