#dude's confidence is unparalleled and he KNOWS he looks good

[hertzwritings]

Stranded

A/N: I have nothing clever to say, so I won’t. Anyway, I love you all so much! Prompt: “Okay, so... We’re in the middle of the nowhere, no signal and the car died, and you’re trying to say it could be worse?”

 You can buy me a coffee here, and I’ll write you a personalized something – the sky is the limit, and it would really help me out with my bills this month.

 Remember, feedback feeds the soul (mine, in particular), and my requests and askbox are always open – there’s no limits because I am me and I have none.

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 Pairing: Henry Cavill x plus sized!Reader

Contains: Enemies to lovers, language, smut (MDNI), fingering, nicknames, p in v, unprotected sex, public sex, Henry being an absolute confident bastard, cream pie, praise-kink, slight impactplay (on f face) 

W.C.: 4.210

 Stranded

  You know those friends of friends, you just can’t seem to get along with? The ones, that just get on your nerves, as soon as you see them? You constantly bicker or have a weird, passive aggressive relationship with each other?

That’s how you felt about Henry fucking Cavill.

You didn’t know if it was because he rarely talked to you, his holier-than-thou-attitude or the fact that he didn’t seem to care about anyone but himself, but you couldn’t stand the man. You didn’t hate people, but if there was ever a person close to that, it would be him.

“Could you just try to be nice to him? I promise, he’s a good person, and he does like you, he just sucks at expressing it.” Lo closed the zipper on her dress-bag, before turning to face you. You crossed your arms. “I’ll be nice, when he’s nice.” She rolled her eyes at you and put her shoes in a bag. “I’m serious, Y/N. He is a good guy, you just have to…” “If you’re going to tell me I need to give him another chance, I will literally murder you. On the day of your wedding. Don’t think I won’t.” She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Dude… Firstly, try me, I will rise from the dead to marry that man. Secondly, you have to. He’s as much a part of my life as you are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, the amount of sexual tension between the two of you is seriously unparalleled. You could burn down cities with it.” You rolled your eyes. “Don’t try this again. There’s nothing between us. You know it, I know it and he sure as hell wouldn’t even entertain the idea of being with me.” You sounded a little hurt at the end, but tried to ignore it. Loes cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t lie. I’ve seen how you look at him when you think nobody sees.” “Yeah, how’s that?” You asked stubbornly. “Like you want to jump his bones. Literally. Sometimes I can’t figure out if it’s because you want to crush his windpipe or have him stuffed into yours.” You sputtered. “Rude, Lo!” “He looks at you the same way, by the way. I even talked to him about it. He refused in the same way as you do, vehemently and unconvincingly.” She flashed you her signature smile. “You both act like fools, you know. Not that it matters, because you have to try and get along.” “Pfht, tell him that.” “Well… You might be forced to.” She shot you a guilty smile and you raised your eyebrows in worry. She always used that smile when she was planning something. “Alsoyoureridinginthesamecartothevenue.” She spoke so fast, you didn’t know what she said. “Try again, this time without Quicksilver-ing.” “You’re riding in the same car to the venue. Sorry.” “What?” You inhaled a big breath, ready to verbally rip your best friend a new one. “Don’t!” Lo held her hand up and raised her eyebrows. “I know what you’re going to say, but it’s my wedding, we had limited cars and I need you two assholes to try and get along.” You frowned and fought the urge to stomp your feet like a toddler. “Fine. Only because you’re getting married, and I don’t really want to die on such a day.” She grinned at you. “Perfect. Listen, I have to go to get hair and makeup done, and as my maid of honor, I’m hoping you can do me a little favor?” “Fuck.” You sighed. “What do you need?” She smiled softly. “So, Henry’s bringing the car around to get to the venue early. You’re already ready, so can you go with him, make sure everything is as it needs to be?” You nodded, quieting the voice yelling about Henry in your head. “Of course, babes. I got it.” “Call my mom if there’s anything out of place. That woman is on the warpath today, better let her aggression get out on the right people.” You laughed. “Sure thing.” “Thanks, babes.” You grabbed your stuff and waved goodbye, before closing the door behind you. Lo called her husband to be in the same moment, as you left.

“Phase one of the plan is in motion.” “Thank God. I’ll make sure the rest is in place.” “Perfect. I love you, Andy.” “Love you too.”

 --------------

You spotted him, before he spotted you. You hated to admit that he looked damn fine in a tailored suit, walking in wide strides and smiling softly to himself. The smile disappeared the minute, he saw you.

“Oh. Good, you’re ready.” He said, pointing to the car behind him. “Let’s go.” You rolled your eyes. “Hi, to you too, Henry.” You mumbled and followed him, getting in the car and made sure your dress wasn’t wrinkled or stuck in the door. “Yeah, yeah. You got everything?” You nodded. “Good. I’m not going back, so…” you exhaled. This was going to be fine. Just fine.

You drove in silence for a while, your eyes glued to the damned GPS to see how far away you were. You still had almost two and a half hours before the actual wedding started, and if he kept the pace, you were going to be at the venue in thirty minutes. Which was perfect, because his vibe was off – you couldn’t determine if it was anger, annoyance or something else, that bugged him, but it rubbed off on you and there was tension in the car thick enough to drive a knife through.

“You pick that dress?” You looked down at yourself at his words, clenching your jaw. No, it hadn’t been your first – or second or third – choice of dress, because you felt wildly exposed in the lavender silk, and you definitely had to convince yourself that it didn’t cling to your body in a way, that enhanced every roll and lump you didn’t like.

“No, I didn’t.” “Hm.” You looked out of the window. “Why?” “Oh, nothing.” You sighed at him. “If it’s because you think I look like a stuff sausage, don’t worry, I’m already thinking it myself. Don’t need your opinion, Henry.” He scoffed. “Fine, I won’t say anything, then.” “Good. Think you can last the rest of your life like that?” He glanced at you with narrowed eyes. “I’ve been called worse by better.” It was your turn to scoff. “If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I’d fart.” You retorted and almost missed the way his lips turned up in a small smile. “Everyone is entitled to act stupid every once in a while, but you abuse that privilege.” You narrowed your eyes. Alright, if it was an insult-war he wanted, he’d get it. If there was one thing, you’d learned to do as a shield, it was hurling insults. You turned to face him.

“Hold still. I’m trying to imagine your personality.” He chuckled, actually chuckled at that one. “Good one.” “I know.” He was quiet for a moment.

“I was hoping for a battle of wits, but it seems you came unarmed.” “Ouch.” You couldn’t help the smile on your face and was about to come with your best one yet, when the car lurched a few times before stopping. You groaned as the seatbelt cut into your chest. “What the fuck?” You mumbled. “Shit. Hang on.” You looked around while Henry got out of the car and saw nothing but wheat-fields around you and a few trees. Shit.

“Fuck, the tire is busted.” He yelled and you opened the door a little to hear him clearer. “And I have no service.” You closed your eyes. Just your luck. You looked at your own phone but didn’t have any luck either. “Me neither. Is there a spare?” He walked to the trunk, popping it open. “No.” “Shit…” You bit your lip. He walked to your side of the car, opening the door fully and leaned against the car, looking at you. “Well, it could be worse.” You glared at him. “Okay, so… We’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no signal and the car died, and you’re telling me it could be worse?” He shrugged. “At least you’re not here with someone who hates you or anything.” You frowned. “I don’t hate you. I don’t hate people generally.” You unbuckled your seatbelt and got out of the car, stretching your legs. You briefly considered walking the rest of the way, but it was a long way to go, you didn’t have signal to even try and GPS your way out of it, and you were wearing heels. You’d die not even halfway there. “You don’t? You sure act like you do.” He said crossing his arms and looked over the fields, blue eyes scanning the horizon. You sighed and leaned against the hood of the car.

“I act like I do, because you act the way you do.” You said bitterly. He frowned. “I don’t act any way.” You laughed. “Ha, sure you don’t. your holier-than-thou attitude is grating at best, your face constantly screams idiot to anyone who dares look your way, and you rarely talk to anyone without them feeling like gum under your shoes.” He sighed. “Do people feel that way or do you?” “Does it matter?” He took a tentative step to you, and then one more and one more, until he settled on the hood of the car, right next to you. “It does to me.” “Well… I can’t speak for anyone else, but yes, I do feel like that. You’re an ass.” He chuckled. “Have you ever considered that maybe you have a defense mechanism that allows you to think the absolute worst of other people?” “Have you considered that maybe you’re just a dick?” “I don’t think I am. I think you…” You held your hand up and refused to look at him. “Spare me your British psycho-babble, I already have a therapist.” “No surprise there.” You whipped your head around to face him, anger rolling off your shoulders in waves. “What the hell is your problem?! God, the people that tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes in life.” You drew a deep breath. “I have no idea what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce, you absolute asswipe.” You pushed off the car and began walking – anything would be better than this shit.

“Hey, don’t walk away from me! We were having a conversation.” “Which led nowhere. Feed your own ego, I’m busy.” “You don’t even know where you’re going.” “Away from you, which is a perfectly fine way.” He followed you and grabbed your elbow, yanking you back a little. You were seething. “What the fuck is your problem, Henry!?” You spat, ripping your elbow free of his hand.

“YOU!” He yelled. You stood in front of him, mouth agape – you were taken aback by the loudness of his voice in the middle of the quiet road, a jarring disposition to the silence only broken by the whispers of wheat and birdsong. “Excuse me?” “You heard me. You. You are my problem.” “Listen here, you fucking…” He clamped a hand over your mouth, and you yelped at the warm and rough fingers that landed on your cheek. His hand was huge. “For once in your life, shut up and let me talk.” You glared at him. “You are the single most frustrating person, I’ve ever met. You get on my nerves, you are a terror to be around, your laugh makes me want to die…” You rolled your eyes. “And you act as if everyone is out to hurt you. You’re a fucking menace, Y/N.” You didn’t want the words to hurt, but they slowly seeped inside of you and rested comfortably in the pit of your stomach.

“I detest you. Deeply. Like, spitefully, fully, wholeheartedly, I detest you.” He narrowed his eyes. “Because you never leave my goddamned mind. Your smile is etched into my very being, your stupid one-liners that shouldn’t hurt as much as they do, they stay behind in my head every day. You are frustrating because you never leave. I cannot stop thinking about you, I cannot stop dreaming of just shutting you up. It shouldn’t bother me that you seemingly hate me, but it does. I shouldn’t care about you, but I do. I should hate you, but I can’t bring myself to do so.” He finally removed his hand from your mouth, but you didn’t know what to say.

“Everything you are, everything I can’t stand in a person, is also what makes me want to bury myself completely and irrevocably in you. Fuck!” He ran a hand through his hair. “Your entire form is running rampant in my mind, and I can’t for the life of me make it stop. The things I’ve…” He stopped himself and glared at you. “I detest you.” You glared right back and found your voice.

“I detest you, too, if it wasn’t clear.” You spat, but something in you blurred the lines – hate, spite, anger, lust… It was a jumbled mess. You poked him in the chest with a finger. “I detest that you say those things, because it makes it very hard to keep being frustrated and annoyed with you, and I don’t know how to deal with it. You’re the fucking bane of my existence. I tried, oh, I tried to make you like me, and I tried to make myself like you, but nothing was ever good enough. God, you really are an ass, aren’t you? You say all these things, and what, expect me to fall at your feet, because you line insults with lust? Or want, or…”

 His lips crashed into yours with wild ferocity, hands grabbing at your hair and lower back, pulling you close. You gasped against it, and realized with a heartbeat that this, this, was what you wanted. What you needed. It wasn’t hate or even spite, that kept you from him, it was the very idea that he was him and you didn’t stand a chance, so you wouldn’t allow yourself to even play with the idea. You hated that Loes was right.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, tongue meeting his with a fight for dominance, and your fingers laced between his hair, tugging it roughly. He groaned at the feeling and his teeth found your lip, biting down – you whimpered at the feeling, and suddenly, like a switch had been flicked inside of you, anger seeped right out of you, replaced with a burning lust.

You didn’t think. There wasn’t room to think about anything but getting him closer. You jumped and as if he had known all along, he held you tightly, his hand resting on your ass as he held you up, kneading it roughly. You mewled against the sensation, and he growled, turning on his heel to place you on the hood of the car, slotting himself between your legs.

You didn’t know why you spent so long disliking him, because right now, all you could feel was regret of not having his lips on yours and the absolute hunger that took you over. his fingers were everywhere, holding you while scrunching your dress up, lips dominating on yours. A hand went into your hair and tugged it roughly, and a sound, you didn’t recognize as your own, spilled from your lips. “Fuck.” You whispered into the kiss, your hips rolling when his fingers dipped inside of you. “You’re already this wet for me?” he smirked against your lips, pumping his fingers in and out lazily. “Fuck you.” You moaned and arched your back, trying to draw him deeper. He chuckled and his lips moved to your neck and oh.

His fingers pushed deeper as his teeth grazed over your sensitive skin, and he sped up, somehow fully aware of everything, that made your toes curl. The man knew what he was doing, and you were writhing against him. “You’re getting so close, aren’t you, darling? Want to cum… Make a mess of my fingers?” “Yes, holy fuck…” He chuckled and bit down on your neck and curled his fingers up. “Then cum.” It wasn’t a command, but an overtly confident statement, but it worked; you moaned loudly, his name slipping in somewhere in between, as pleasure ran through your body. You felt as if a universe had been lit up inside of you, warming you with the heat of a thousand stars. “Good girl, look at you…” He moaned when you finally got your head back together, and your hand slid to his hard cock, palming it through his pants. “Fuck, hold on…” He unbuttoned his pants, and you lifted your ass to remove your underwear fully, throwing them somewhere to your right. “Fuck, you’re slow.” You teased, spreading your legs for him. You heard the belt-buckle hit the ground and saw his smirk in the split-second it took him to line himself up with you and slide inside.

He didn’t give you time to adjust but began fucking you like his entire life depended on it; you were a mess already and he stretched you out to a point, where it should hurt, but all you felt was full. “Shit!” you moaned, grabbing his hair, and tugging it. He grunted and snapped his hips, his cock dragging against your walls in a way you didn’t think was possible. “Still slow, huh?” He managed to say between his moans. No, he was not. He was working at a superhuman speed, his thick cock slamming in ‘to you repeatedly, making the car bounce beneath you. You didn’t have a single thought in your head other than why didn’t I do this earlier, and you were so wrapped up in the feeling of him, that you didn’t even feel the orgasm coming before it slammed into you like too many tequila-shots at a brown bar.

You screamed, loud enough for a flock of birds to lift from the nearest treetop as you came, the wet, sopping noises from your wet pussy and his cock working you filling the air as an echo; you were clinging to his shoulders, wrapping your legs around him to get him deeper. If you had any say in it, he wasn’t leaving.

“Fucking… Oh, kitten, fuck you came so hard…” he grabbed your face roughly and kissed you, tongues colliding as he pistoned in and out of you, chasing his own high. “You take me so fucking well, don’t you?” You preened and whimpered, trying to meet his thrusts. You were going to have bruises on your inner thighs in and hour, and you didn’t regret it at all. “You like it when I fuck you like this? Huh?” You couldn’t answer, even if you tried. His hand landed on your cheek, while the wet sounds of your bodies meeting filled your ears, and you moaned at the impact. “Answer me.” You moaned. “Yes, fuck, I lo-love it, please…” You didn’t know what you were asking him to do, but you needed something. Anything. More of what he was doing, probably, because you didn’t think it would ever feel like this again.

He growled, motherfucking growled and you clenched around him as his rhythm faltered for a second. “Fuck, do that again.” He commanded, angling his hips slightly to move further up into you; you mewled and clenched around him again, and he moaned. “You want me to cum in you, baby?” He asked breathlessly, a clear question if you were willing to cross that line with him.

Well, you’d come so far.

“Please… Fill me, please…” You were lost in pleasure, your head lolling back and your eyes rolling. “Such a cock-drunk little kitten, aren’t you?” He chuckled and moaned as you clenched again. “I’m going to make sure you’re leaking for fucking days.” You almost blacked out at that.

He grunted and fucked you relentlessly, chasing his own high. You were shaking like a leaf, and you felt a familiar warmth spread in your abdomen, disbelieving that you could go again. “Oh, is my good, little kitten going to cum with me?” he mumbled, lips peppering sloppy kisses along your collarbone. “Fuck, I don’t… I can’t…” You moaned. You were sure you’d come apart at the seams, if you came again. “You can and you will.” He was moaning loudly now, his speed and rhythm all over the place. “Fucking give it to me, Y/N.” For some reason, your name falling from his lips did you in. You came with a breathless shout, clinging to him for dear life as your pussy gushed wetness onto him, pulsing and drawing him deeper. He groaned and your name tumbled from his lips again, and you felt thick ropes of cum fill you completely, while he fucked you through his orgasm, and a little after that.

You both came down with hitching breaths, and you avoided looking at him, your mind racing. Fuck, why on earth did you do that with him of all people? “You’re thinking.” He stated, slowly pulling out of you and handed you your underwear. You could feel him leaking out of you, and you were thankful that the dress had been hitched around your hips. “Post nut-clarity and all that.” You said with a shrug and slid your feet onto solid ground. He raised an eyebrow at you while buckling his pants. “Which is?” “Shameful.” You said honestly. He frowned. “Did you not… Enjoy yourself?” He asked, clearly actually concerned. “No, it’s not… That.” You sighed and tried to fix your hair. “I just… I hate that I fell for it so easily. I mean, you’re you and I’m guessing this will be kept very down-low, because it’s always a little shameful to be with me.” You tried to sound cavalier about it, but you could hear it yourself – you didn’t sound blasé, but more hurt than anything. He reached out for you and pulled you close to his chest, his eyes flickering between yours.

“You think I’d want to not talk about this to literally anyone I meet?” “Okay, to taunt doesn’t count.” You rolled your eyes. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Are you kidding? Did you not hear what I said before I kissed you?” He asked, his hand cupping your face. “You’re in my head all day, every second and every minute of my life, ever since you came into it. I’m not a one-and-done kind of man, I’ll have you know. I might seem like a have a superiority-complex, but I promise you, I’d be crawling across broken glass for you, if you asked.” You cleared your throat. “It’s fine, you don’t need to…” “Oh, shut up, Y/N.” he grinned and kissed you deeply. When he finally let your lips go, he cocked that stupid fucking eyebrow again. “I don’t care if I have to make you cum every hour from now on and until you die to convince you that I want you, you sarcastic bitch.” He said it fondly and you couldn’t help the smile on your lips. “You think I’m sarcastic? Romance isn’t dead!” You grinned. “Do you honestly think I would have pretended to lose a tire in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere on the way to our best friend’s wedding without a reason?” You gasped and slapped his shoulder.

“What the fuck? You faked it!?” He chuckled. “Get in the car, kitten. We’ve got a wedding to go to.” He slapped your ass as you walked away from him and got into the car, your mind reeling - when he got in, conversation flowed easily, full of sarcastic remarks and stupid one-liners, while his hand rested on your thigh, thumb rubbing small circles. 

 ------------

 “Oh my god, you aren’t dead!” Lo laughed as you both ran inside the venue, minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start, your hands entangled. “Well…” “And do my eyes deceive me, or are you holding hands?” She smirked. “Is this the real-life enemies to lovers-trope, or am I just lucky?” You turned to Henry and gave him the fakest, sweetest smile you could muster. “When I look at him, I think… Where have you been all my life? And…” You sighed dreamily. “Can he go back there?” He roared with laughter. “When I look at you, darling, I wish I could meet you again for the first time…” He looked at you lovingly. “And walk right past.” You both doubled over in laughter, and you didn’t miss the soft kiss on your hair, before his arm wrapped around your waist.

“Shit, I did not think this through. And I don’t have time. Excuse me, Mr. Cavill, can you go stand by my future husband’s side? I’d like to get on with it, so I can be Mrs. Barber sooner than later, please.” Lo grinned at him as he saluted her and kissed your cheek before leaving the room.

You held your arm out to her and she took it with a shit-eating grin on her face.

“I know you were in on it, and I’ll smack you on the back of the head when it’s not your wedding day.” She just laughed.

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[thought-42]

Gym Buddies

Critical Role, 1500 words, Laerryn, Evandrin, now with formatting So this afternoon @stoppit-keepout and I were talking and: Thought: So how do we think Laerryn and Evandrin met each other? SK: at. the. gym. And naturally I had to write it. Laerryn's deep in her 'not like other wizards' phase -- which mostly involves talking shit about the people peer reviewing her journal articles, wearing jewelry made out of wires and broken gears, and flexing in sleeveless shirts in the vicinity of Patia Por'co whenever the opportunity presents itself – when she meets Evandrin. Laerryn's peers at the university don't understand her drive and her passion. They're still children, concerned with test scores and social drama and other things Laerryn has never cared about. But Patia understands her. They're on the same wavelength. Patia, too, wants to push the boundaries of what is possible, appreciates the dangers of a mind imprisoned by social and political barriers. She also has a lot of furniture she needs moved across her palatial fucking mansion, which Laerryn is more than happy to help with.

 She's determined to get into Patia's library and Patia's bed, in that order, which means she blows off her lectures to write scathing rebuttals to whatever papers Patia has been critical of in private, and spends her early mornings at the gym. She hasn't exercised more than frantic pacing, running from class to class, or inadvisable bar fights since she dropped out of 'punching-through-walls school upon claiming adulthood-- she is fully confident that Avalir needs an unparalleled arcane engineer far more than it needs yet another mediocre knight. This does mean that, while her form is excellent her actual strength is... not as ideal as it could be for hauling antique armoires across limestone floors in the robes she cut the sleeves off of.

So. The gym. It's actually kind of helpful to get some of her excess energy out, and she can still work on projects in her head. She's pretty sure she's getting stronger, too.

...as are the eighty other fucking people who think 6:00 AM is a great time to work out.

That's a problem. Her schedule is literally packed, between classes (attending and teaching), work (for grades and for money), and Patia, along with the various sundry meetings and events she's apparently expected to attend to boost her social reputation or network or make the university look good or what the fuck ever, she stopped listening. She's pretty sure 90% of the other people who crowd the gym in her preciously carved out block of time could fit it in in some other part of their day.

All this to say, when she starts to notice one dude who manages to create a thirty foot zone of empty mats and unused equipment around him whenever he shows up, she doesn't hesitate to take advantage. The other asshole bros who have mostly been ignoring her or offering to help with her (impeccable) form now stare at her like she's just punched a baby, but they don't come any closer, so honestly who's really winning here?

The dude doesn't seem to care. He smiles big and wide and unsettlingly shiny at her every time she shows up, but otherwise doesn't try to interact in any way. This is probably what friendship is.

This goes on for a good two months, until one night over expensive takeout Patia says "I know it's awful, but the value of some well-placed small talk cannot be overstated."

Which is about as blatant as Patia ever gets with her advice, so Laerryn writes down 'get better at talking about nothing' in bright red on her bathroom mirror so she'll remember every morning.

The next time she and her gym friend are working out in the same place she waits until they've both paused to drink water and walks over to him.

"Everybody else avoids you," she says. "Are you a known serial killer or somebody important's easily-offended nephew?"

He blinks slowly at her, and lifts a hand to brush his sweaty hair out of his eyes. "Well," he says, slowly. "If those are the only two options, I suppose I'm the former."

"Ok," she says, and, very proud of herself, goes back to her workout.

She's planning how she's going to tell Patia about her successful foray into implementing her wisdom when, instead of heading towards the door once he's finished his workout, her serial killer friend comes over to where she's paused to scribble down an equation on her arm. He stands politely until she's done, which just reinforces her confidence that they are definitely friends.

"So I feel like I should clarify," he says, "I have fought in a number of battles, so I guess I've killed many ...things. But I've thought about it and that definitely feels different than a serial killer. Not to be pedantic, but I wouldn't want to tarnish my image, you know?"

"Were the things people?"

"Some of them. They don't like it when we say that."

"I'm still leaning towards serial killer, then," she says. "Do a lot of people care about your image?"

He does the slow blink thing again. "In general... yes. I suppose they do."

"Huh," she says. "You should get out of that, it sounds stressful."

"I don't mind it, honestly. Comes with the territory. You have no idea who I am, do you?"

"Nor do I care," she says. "It's not like you know who I am. this is friendship, I'm pretty sure."

He laughs like it's startled out of him. His teeth are just. So shiny. He holds out a hand. "I'm Evandrin Alterra." She doesn't take his gross sweaty hand because she's not a fucking animal. "First Knight of Avalir."

He drops his hand after a long few seconds. "Oh," she says. "Did the Orc one finally bite it?"

He opens his mouth, then shuts it. "Lady gold Tusk? ...Yes. A few years ago, actually. The city was in mourning."

"I was busy," she says, because it has been her perpetual state of being in the decades since she left her parents' house.

And then, because Patia says it's very important to be honest with your friends when it's convenient, she says "Also I have a moderately irrational but otherwise justified disdain for Avalir's knights in general, so I try not to know anything about them ever."

"My apologies for breaking your streak, in that case," he says. "May I ask why? It's truly one of the most honourable institutions within the city."

"Two decades, my collarbone, and my respect for most of the trainers disagree," she says. "I electrocuted Master Bilsley once, that was ok I guess."

"The name isn't familiar," he says. "So ...congratulations?"

"Nice," she says. "Are we done now? This is a lot of small talk."

"I didn't catch your name," he says. Another flash of those teeth. They're perfectly straight, too.

"Laerryn," she says. "Coramar. Abjurist."

"A pleasure," he says. "Well, I regret to inform you that, given we're friends, a limited amount of small talk will probably happen every time we're here together now. You ought to prepare yourself accordingly."

"I should have never let you know we were friends," she says, darkly.

"I can prepare a list of conversation starters, if that helps," he says. "My parents used to have a whole box of them for uncomfortable dinner parties."

"Great," she says, relieved. "Can you let me know the night before so I can prepare?"

"For that I would need your address in order to send a messenger." He mimes writing on his own arm, raising an eyebrow.

"How about our first fucking topic is how you took six hours off from punching shit to learn Sending," she says, flatly.

His jaw actually hangs open for a couple seconds. Laerryn is already mourning this friendship. He's gonna have to find another gym, too, which is probably going to be a challenge for him, being so popular and all.

"I've never learned a single spell in my life," he says, finally.

She sighs. "You're what, like forty? Great time to start."

"I'm twenty-four, thank you," he says.

"An actual child," she says. "Yeah, yeah, I know, biology, but still. That’s fucking wild."

The sending stone on his belt crackles to life suddenly, and the smile drops from his face. He snatches it up, turning away. "This is Evandrin."

Laerryn decides she's done with her workout.

*

Four days later, she's attacking a student essay with her most aggressively red pen when a voice slides unobtrusively into her head. "Good evening, Laerryn! I just wanted to let you know our topic for tomorrow morning is: If you could only attend one networking function for the rest of your life, would you choose breakfasts or happy hours?"

"I'm canceling my subscription to this friendship," she sends back immediately.

"Sorry! I'm afraid you've signed up for the lifetime subscription. I'd be happy to direct you to one of our customer service reps if you have any concerns."

"I'm making a list," she says. "It'll be alphabetical. See you in the morning."

#critical role #Laerryn Coramar Seelie #Evandrin Alterra #cr exu tag #tumblrfic tag #if you saw this earlier no you didn't

[shyravenns]

the uncomfortable truth is that tos scotty would look cuter in a crop top than tos kirk 

#tos scotty #scotty #tos kirk would look okay in a crop top #but scotty? #FANTASTIC #dude's confidence is unparalleled and he KNOWS he looks good #dude's got the fuzziest chest with a lil bit of grey hair #omggggggg #everyone has a crush on scotty #tos scotty my beloved i love you more than life itself #prime gilf #star trek #kirk is cute but scotty is cuter sorry

[joshslater]

Dionysus

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

I was very hesitant when he picked me up at the nightclub. I could feel the disappointment and outright hostility from all the women and a lot of the men as the God walked up to me, started to make out, and then asked if I was up for some fun. That's what you get away with when no one ever says "no" I thought. With his incredibly handsome face, black hair, and athletic build that was probably not a word he was used to hearing. It would be impossible for him to know I was into guys, and coming on so strong could land you in hot water or rather knocked cold on the floor. Turns out he could know, and there was more to him than just utter handsomeness and unparalleled confidence. Way more.

It was back at his place he asked me if I could look like someone else, who would I pick? That's a game I've played many times before, so I instantly knew to answer Marco Albieri, the soccer player. He raised an eyebrow, took a step from me, and asked me why. "I don't know what it is about soccer players, but something about the game makes their bodies stunningly handsome. And Marco is just a step above the rest." He smiled a bright smile, made a dramatic gesture, and I was Marco. Looked exactly like him at least. It took me a moment to even realize what had just happened, but I could see myself in the full-length mirror. Or I couldn't, I should say. I saw Marco Albieri in full Paris Saint-Germain F.C. game kit. Mesmerized I took a step closer to the mirror, and Marco on the other side of the glass stepped closer as well. I looked just like him, my wettest, wankiest dream. I'd come so many times to exactly this fantasy. There was even a sheen of post-game sweat making all the skin glistening in his hallway designer lights.

He approached me from behind, still handsome but now by a much narrower margin. "You ready to fuck?" I didn't even answer but just turned around and kissed him. He wasn't shy in grouping me back. What followed was the longest fuck fest I've ever been part of. We went from room to room. It was like this body had limitless stamina, though it was the body of Marco after all, but an insatiable horny lust as well. Perhaps he had that too. It wasn't until early morning I fell asleep next to him, exhausted.

It was almost noon when I woke up, disoriented by everything. It was like it wasn't until now the craziness and impossibility of last night hit me. I could see Marco Albieri in the mirror at the other side of the bedroom, without shirt, and the most unkempt hair I had ever seen him with. I knew for a fact the secret hairstyling trick was body fluids. I suddenly felt very uneasy and exposed. Vulnerable even. I was here on vacation. How could I leave if I didn't look like my passport? How could I leave this building looking like Marco? There would be fans stopping me instantly. What the fuck am I thinking about? I'm erased from the world. No one I know, no one in my family would recognize me. Could I convince them I'm me and not a millionaire soccer player? Perhaps. But my life would be so complicated.

That's when he lazily strolled into the bedroom, completely naked showing off his chiseled body, one mug in each hand.

"You did this! How the fuck did you do this? You can't leave me like this!" "Morning!"

He handed me one of the mugs. On reflex I took a large sip of coffee only to discover it was red wine. It took me by surprise and I almost sprayed his white sheets with red mist of wine, but instead got some down my lungs and started to cough.

"Is this really the best you can think of?" he said. At first I had no idea what he meant. Then, still coughing, I realized it was my body again. The one I used to fly here, check into the hotel, and go out to nightclubs with.

"I... It's awfully inconvenient if I tried to leave with a different body." "That's it? That's the only reason?"

I felt stupid and unsure what to say. I liked my body, so why was it so hard to defend it? He took a large sip from his coffee mug of wine and climbed into bed next to me, but standing on his knees looking down on me.

"When's your flight back?" "Eh, in... On Sunday." "Plenty of time to let loose. How about going to the beach like this?"

This time I noticed the shift. The bed sagged down a bit under the extra load and I didn't even have to look in the mirror to see the freakish muscles. Two huge chest muscles peeked into my field of vision, and moving my arm I could see it was thicker than what my legs used to be.

I felt light-headed as we walked down to the beach. Probably the wine. He was subtle and classy, black Nike sneakers, black boardshorts, and a white T-shirt. I was anything but subtle. Probably twice his mass, annoying flip flops that flipped and flopped every step, white compression shorts that looked blindingly bright against my deep tan, a purple thong that peeked up over the rim of the shorts by the hips, visible because the neon yellow tank top was cropped above the belly button to show off the abs. The stringer waved for every step as my obscene pecs push out the yellow fabric like a hanging flag. It touched my body in surprisingly few places. Top of the traps and the nipples more or less.

After spending a few hours getting everyone passing by on the beach to turn their heads to observe the freak show he asked me to play floatation device for him. We went out in the water and did our best to have sex just outside where the waves broke. I think anyone who paid close attention could tell what we did, but no one could be really sure. He didn't appear to care.

"I made you something," he whispered. "What?" "A surfer," he said and begun walking towards the beach. As I wiped my long hair out of my face I understood he changed me again. No more shaved head, no more enormous meat slab. I still had a six-pack, I was still 6'-something, and my skin was deeply tanned, but that's about where the similarities ended. "Why?" I asked as I lied down on the beach towel next to his. "First dive bar opens soon, and I thought this would play better to the crowd." I was feeling woozy. "We want to play to the crowd?" He reached over and squeezed the pec closest to him. "Well, make them jealous at least."

There was something nagging at the edge of my thoughts. Some question I felt I needed to ask. I just couldn't quite put it into coherent thought.

"Did you drug me?" He made a high-pitched "Mmmm" sound. "Just a bit. To fit with the rest. Just go with it."

I shut my eyes, relaxed, and let his hand stroke me. I don't know how long we lied like that. Not too long, because the sun hadn't moved that much, but I sure did dozed off.

"Come on!" he said, like it was asking me to hurry up for the third time. A bit confused I got up from the beach towel. I wore a pair of eye-popping turquoise board shorts with black pattern and trim. Neon turquoise, if such a color was a thing. I knew it had a real trade name, but somehow it kept slipping my mind. They had a good fit, not loose, not tight, but rode low on my lithe body. Fuzzy pubes peeked out over the waistband, like a little forest edge where the treasure trail from the belly button ended. I looked around for a shirt or something to put on, but there was nothing except for a pair of flip-flops. These didn't look as cheap and fit much better than the previous pair though.

"Is that it?" I asked incredulously. "What more do you need?" he said, and looked at me like he wanted me for dinner. "Come!"

The bar wasn't far away and already busy when we arrived. He almost danced in, basically dragging me in, holding my hand. I was woozy from whatever I was drugged with, but in a way that made everything look amazing to me. In any direction I looked I was delighted by what I saw, no matter how mundane. The bar was not even half full and everyone looked as relaxed as you would expect from a bar half a block from the beach, though no one else was bare-chested. The decor was a random mix of styles, as expected by a dive bar. Tables for two or four were lined up in front of the bar at the back of the room. From a backroom somewhere behind it pumped music. I looked at my watch to see if it was already dance time, but I was only wearing a red nylon cord as a bracelet.

"You must be thirsty after a day in the sun," he said and handed me an Aperol Spritz. I could have sworn he hadn't left me for the bar, but then I didn't really trust my senses. We took a table for four and sat next to each other, facing the rest of the room. "So, tell me about your day," he continued, as if he hadn't been there for all of it.

For whatever reason I found it hard to figure out where to start, like it was all jumbled together despite nothing of consequence had happened. I began to describe how I had woken up in bed and how he surprised me with breakfast. How I had mistaken the red wine for coffee. I could feel his hand moving down my abs and into my board shorts. As he pulled out my erect cock from the shorts my immediate thought was of surprise. I hadn't realized I was hard. I continued to talk about how we went to the beach, while he was jerking me off with one hand under the table. It then hit me that I had no idea what my dick looked like, if it was big or small. I had never seen it. He had transformed me somehow into this surfer. How could I have forgotten something so monumental.

At that point I shot my load under the table. Four or five large pumps. I was suddenly aware again that there were people around us, and looking around tried to figure out if any of them could see I had my dick out. At the same time I was still feeling high or whatever it was. "I'll get a refill," he said, stood up and headed for the bar. I decided to put my dick back into the shorts.

"Hey, dude. Is he like your boyfriend?" someone standing next to me asked. How long had he been there? He was handsome, not quite as tall as I was now, but more muscled. The tight billabong shirt didn't hide much. "Him? No. We just..." I was trying to think of a good word. I wasn't sure what he was, or what was happening at all really. "Wanna check out the dance floor?" "Yeah... Yeah, I would."

I followed him towards the bar, and away to the side into the dance room. It was far from packed, but we were not alone at least. Immediately I regretted following him there, even before he started moving to the music. Once he did I knew I would look silly. I started to mimic his moves best I could. He smiled a crooked smile, though not an unkind one, when he saw what I was doing. He leaned forward and barely audible over the music asked "Are you up for a second round?"

"What do you mean?" I asked back. "I saw what that other dude did to you. I live nearby, if you want to try something that isn't over in minutes."

In the door opening I see him standing with two large drinks in his hands. He looks emotionless, which in itself was a scary contrast to how he looked before. He then drinks one of the drinks in one go, then immediately empties the other one as well. No sooner has he turned away with two empty glasses when I feel a desperate need to take a piss. He's fucking with me.

"Don't go anywhere," I say and dash towards to men's room.

It's empty. I go to the lone urinal and yank my dick out of the white thong. I'm confused, but happy I got there in time to relieve myself. Why am I wearing only a white thong to a bar? As the piss is streaming for longer than I can ever recall I look down my bare smooth legs and find a pair of eye-catching red hightops. When I'm finally done I have a look at myself in the mirror. Cute, young Latino boy with a red baseball cap on his unkempt hair, and a grey shirt. The shirt in a way makes the thong stand out even more and look intentionally inappropriate. Perfect!

I return to the dance floor and find the guy waiting. "There you are. Let's go!" he says, almost demanding. He doesn't say anything on the way to his apartment two blocks away. I keep looking his way, and it feels like my dick is growing bigger every time I look at those muscled arms. His pace is brisk without being conspicuous, he clearly wants us to get to his place as quickly as possible without being seen. In through an unlocked entrance, up two flights of stairs, and in through his apartment door.

As soon as he whisked me in and closed the door behind us he grabs me, shoves me into the wall next to us, and forcefully kisses me on my mouth. "You fucking whore! I'm so fucking horny you better know what you're doing."

He snores loudly again. I had tried to ignore it to spend a few more hours in the bed, but it's getting pointless to try to sleep any more. I carefully get up and get dressed. No need for a shower, now that everything dried. I make a final check I got everything with me that I brought in. There is that nagging feeling that I'm missing something. Well, whatever it was it can't be important. Quietly I exit his apartment and make my way out of the building. I feel restless being so quiet and calm, like it is unnatural for me to be that way. I basically explode in emotions as I exit the building and literally dance down the last few steps.

I try to think what to do next. My mind is like a spinning punch bowl of thoughts and I'm only able to fish out simple verbs. Party! Drink! Dance! Fuck! The sun is barely up, but perhaps I can find some nightclub still open.

[solaeter]

hello op! this is my first time requesting something. I hope I don't fuck it up.

I'm Miley, and my favorite emoji is ✨ (so I can be sarcastic on text lol) I also like going 🖐️😔 at almost everything

I hope I'm doing this right

I think I'm straight, but you could say bicurious. I'm brown, like Asian brown, i wear glasses :) I'm 5'6 in height, people tell me I have nice fingers idk why lol

I have a lil acne :( but I don't care much about it lol it izz what it izz

My love language is physical touch hehe followed by words of affirmation :) *touch starved since 2020 *

I am an ESTP, an April Aries 🌝 I think I'm an ambivert. I like people and talking to ones I share interests with. I can be shy sometimes... I have been told I am very loud and "savage" lol

Umm about sexual preferences I can say I took the test 🌝 and turns out I'm 100% switch followed by degradee and experimentalist. I think that says everything lol

I hate liars, slow walkers, mangoes, whiners, scary movies (yes.), Karens and sappy couples. I love memes, cake, anime, manga, twitter and painting. I love alternative rock and indie pop music.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE AND IT SCARES ME lol I study science and chemistry goes over my head T_T

I want someone to be honest with me? Keep it real? and not bore me out. Unpredictable? Idk myself. I don't believe in soulmate au, I think both sides must put on effort to make a relationship work.

I think wearing eyeliner gives me confidence, it makes me feel good about myself. I like it when I'm able talk to people and hear their thoughts.

As you can tell I use *lol and memes as a coping mechanism.

I am really hoping this is ok. It's 2 am and I cannot think straight but it was nice writing this out lol

Hope you have a good day ahead! Drink water and be safe byeee love you

Jujutsu Kaisen Matchup Event | CLOSED

Thank you so much for participating!!! Oh my goodness this took me soo long cause of endless distractions and irl things 😫. Pls forgive me and thanks again!! 💕💕

Out of everyone in Jujutsu Kaisen, I pair you with..

First off, congratulations on getting the legend himself to settle down! Secondly, mere height difference will have Gojo either teasing you or using you as a personal armrest. Plus he finds it insanely adorable cause you're just so fuckin cute and he just cannot 🥺. This bastard will steal your glasses and look into them before giving them back. Or he'll trade you his just so you can see the pitch black view he can only see out of. If you question him about it, he'll make some type of witty remark just to boost his own ego. Gojo will shower you with compliments, ranging from sweet to down right lewd. It just depends on his mood at that moment. Plus he cannot go without commenting about your gorgeous, beautiful and perfect figure. He’s also the one to compliment your makeup, especially how it makes your eyes pop. Honey, you have him wrapped around your finger. 

From the moment you two started dating, Satoru was all over you. He thrives off affection and touch just as much as you, if not more. He will always have a hand on you, whether it be locked with yours or resting on the small of your back. He just has to have his hands on you, but if you need space or something, he will pout but listen. Maybe not for long of course 🙄. Satoru is good with words, easily swaying anyone [except other women, pls honey he’s lucky to have you] so he'll have you covered anytime you need some type of affirmation. Just be sure to do the same for him, even though he's almighty and "the strongest" as he would say, sometimes he needs an extra push to keep his head in the right place.

Satoru really enjoys how you can be shy one moment then delivering a savage burn that has him mentally thanking the heavens it wasn't pointed at him. Though let's be honest, he'd be the main target of your sassy remarks. The dude has them coming but he just loves it so much that sometimes he pokes at you just to see what you'll do. Now on the days your social battery runs out and you're more to yourself, Satoru will take the reigns and do your talking, cause let's be honest again, the dude doesn't know how to stfu when he gets going 🙄.

Satoru likes to keep things fresh. He’s a try anything once type of man, so he’ll willingly embrace the fact you’re a switch. The view he has when you’re on top of him, chefs kiss. Plus he’ll degrade you as if it were second nature. I won’t say anymore to keep this sfw lol, but Satoru can’t get enough of you. 

Did someone say cake? Satoru’s sweet tooth is almost unparalleled and whenever you have a craving for something, he’s quick to offer suggestions. He appreciates your interests and may or may not exploit some of your dislikes just to rile you up. Like putting on a scary movie one night just to have you closer even if it means possibly getting into trouble 😌. He’ll also walk slowly in front of you just to hear you complain, it humors him. Satoru is a bastard and he knows it, especially when you probably smack him on the back and stalk ahead. Good lord it gets him rolling. Satoru is also the one to follow all the recent trends and memes, probably even somehow has a pretty popular twitter account full of shitposting and dumb selfies. So he’ll be right there beside you cackling at memes or mocking ‘Karens’ in his typical dramatic fashion 🙄.

Dreams for the future are nice and all, but Satoru doesn’t mind if you’re unsure. Life is about living and not being shackled by shit. He’d say to live day by day and if someone can’t accept that, well kindly fuck them 🥱. Don’t ask him for help with anything science related, the man will just 😶.

Satoru is a very honest individual, so he’ll always be up front with you. Even if it might be offensive, he'll try to soften the blow with a cheesy smile and some type of apology. There’s never a dull moment with the strongest sorcerer. He will keep you on your toes for sure, he’s like a man child until he has to be serious. I believe Satoru doesn’t believe in soul mates either, he wasn’t one for love until you came around anyways. Falling for you was a slap to the face, but a good one. 

#first ✨ matchup #✨ #jjk #100 follower event #jujutsu kaisen matchups #jjk matchup #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo satoru #jjk gojo satoru #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk imagines #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk headcanons

[icharchivist]

sending you this before i log off bc i want to <333

imagine taichi permanently joining escape room duo and they split up the tasks evenly among them

yes, i am telling you to also imagine their first win as a team together and taichi cheering in accomplishment

i am also also telling you to imagine chikage taking them to get a winning dinner and either of the kids could can the place

just imagine the setting of them at a restaurant and chikages leaning back in his chair with a smile and watching the two across from him as taichi recalls a story and laughs along with banri

anyway, good luck on your test <333

gaSPS a sneak attack

this is so cute though oh my god that’d be adorable.

It would start eventually because Chikage found a spy centric escape room. Taichi had talked his ears off about how cool it would be to do actual spy stuff, that when Chikage found it, he spent the next hour or so looking up the reviews and feature of the place to see if Taichi would enjoy the experience. It’s not like Chikage can take Taichi with him on mission after all, so that’s the next best thing.

(Hisoka, always ready to tease his brother, sneaked by his shoulder to see what he was doing, and when he saw the spy escape room he immediately connected the dots that it was for Taichi and teased him about it. Chikage has to note to himself to do this kind of research where Hisoka isn’t watching next time.)

Still, indeed, Chikage would offer to bring both of those kids with him to the escape room (his treat). Banri isn’t too bothered about their duo becoming a trio, and having Taichi around is always fun and chaotic, so that’d be an interesting experience in itself.

Meanwhile, though, i could see Chikage and Banri withhold the information from Taichi, asking him to join them to hang out for a bit until Chikage brings them to the escape room. 

Very seriously, Chikage would take Taichi by the shoulders and tell him he’s been picked for a very important mission that only him, agent in training, can see through the end. Banri is lowkey jaded and just feel the need to precise, knowing Taichi, that it is fictional. Taichi is vibrating so much from excitement that Banri isn’t sure Taichi heard him.

As they wait for the game to start, Taichi gets so much into it that he insists on being referred to by a code name or “Agent”, and insists on calling them all by a codename. I don’t have any inspiration for the nickname at the moment, but i’m sure Taichi would pick something just cringe enough but not that bad that the two guys would just accept it even though it is pretty bad. (though by the end of the whole game, Chikage and Banri also call each other by the nickname Taichi picked for them. Taichi’s power.)

Taichi gets very into his “first mission”. Chikage encourages him to do his own decisions, making Taichi the leader of their mission this time around. While anxious, Taichi gathers all of his determination to try to see it through.

As the games go on, Taichi ends up struggling a few time on some of the earliest puzzles (mostly puzzles meant to be accessible by about everyone). Both Chikage and Banri had already figured them out, but Taichi’s determination to see it through inspires them to not tell him right away what the answer is. instead, they start giving him more clues for him to figure out on his own. 

The first room takes them some time but the smile on Taichi’s face after solving it is so priceless that it was worth it.

On the next few puzzles, they start to split tasks, as you say. Taichi had gained confidence from his first win and, while still stumbling a little, he manages to get through them more and more quickly.

When they start reaching the more complicated spy themed rooms, this is where Taichi starts to shine. After all, Taichi is especially bright in this sort of weird situation where only thinking illegally would get you out of it. He’d end up doing propositions before Banri and Chikage come up with them, with determination and unparalleled focus.

At some point, in the most difficult rooms, Taichi would come up with a plan that Banri will point out is impossible to do in the escape room. Chikage stays silent, realizing that the plan Taichi came up with could actually work on a real mission, and it’s just that the fictional environment couldn’t account for it. He makes sure to point out to Taichi where his reasonement worked out, while trying to not expose again how frightening Taichi could be when his mind was fully in a spy situation.

Despite the slow start, they ended up being the quickest team to finish this escape room. They had a lot of fun, and Banri even offers Taichi to come back and join them next time.

Chikage invites them all afterward to eat. Taichi is still ecstatic about their work, and, as you say, would just recall every exciting moment of the escape room. Banri would nod along (i mean, he was there after all) but would often bring up that “oh yeah that was freakin’ cool”. Chikage would point out interesting reasoning Taichi had during the whole experience. Taichi would probably blush from the compliment and immediatly ask if that’d make him popular with the ladies. Chikage doesn’t know how to tell him that you don’t get spy skills to be seen and popular, and Banri has already changed topic by saying “you have a one track mind dude”

Both Banri and Chikage would use it to build up Taichi’s confidence, but Taichi isn’t the kind to just take the compliments either and would probably turn them around, bringing up moments he thought Banri or Chikage was especially cool. 

It’s already night time when they leave the restaurent. Sakyo texts Chikage to ask where the hell are the kids and why are they not home yet. Banri jokes that they should mess with him, while Taichi is already forseeing a catastrophe if they did just that (but he’s thinking about going along) and Chikage would be the worst enabler. How about finishing their spy evening with a real rush of messing with an angry and concerned yakuza?

When Taichi and Chikage are alone, Chikage will congratulate Taichi for being this serious on his agent training. Taichi is the happiest he’s ever been.

So yeah that would be absolutely adorable to picture and i need it.

#i may have got a little carried away but it was too cute for me to ignore #spy buddies #spy buddies hc #ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #ichablogging a3hc #chikagestits #aLSO THANKS FOR THE CHEERS FOR MY EXAM I WAS JUST DONE WITH IT LMAO

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Why Can't This Be Love

Chapter 1: Here It Comes

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Click to read on Archive 

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Title - Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen

Dedicated to @slashpalooza and @sam-i-am2468

___

Eddie’s Tuesday started out as it normally did. Half a grapefruit for breakfast, thoroughly shower, text his best friend, Richie, a stupid meme, call Mike to confirm lunch for tomorrow, work from 8am to 6pm, and come home to pour himself a glass of wine. 

Right now he was pouring 4 glasses because around 3:00pm, Beverly called asking if her and Ben could come by to tell him something exciting and that Richie had to be there too. He was not sure what they could possibly want to talk about with the two of them. Eddie tried to push down the anxiety that they might be angry about something. He was pretty sure he didn’t do anything horrible recently, but he couldn’t be sure.

“Richie! Can you help me?” Eddie shouted from the kitchen of his apartment. “I don’t have enough hands to carry everything!”

“Coming, my love!” Richie joked annoyingly. Although Eddie didn’t find it entirely annoying, it’s just Richie being ridiculous. 

His tall friend padded into the kitchen wearing his worn out leather jacket that he thought made him look cool, a print shirt with a meme on it that Eddie didn’t get, and jeans, “I know what they are going to tell us.” Richie stated confidently with a little bounce in his step. 

“Did they tell you already? That’s not fair!” Eddie said in frustration. “They couldn’t wait two more damn minutes?”

“No, I have a guess, Eds.” 

“Don’t call me Eds.”

“I think Ben finally got the courage to propose to Beverly.” Richie went on with a smile. “Or she grabbed him by the balls and told him to do it.”

Eddie snorted at the imagery and wouldn’t put it past Bev to be that aggressive but probably wouldn’t to the love of her life. “That’s wonderful if it’s the news.” 

“I bet you 50 bucks it is,” Richie challenged, “Ben was looking mighty anxious at Bill’s wedding a year ago.” 

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, “I barely remember Bill’s wedding. I was so blackedout.” 

Richie rolled his eyes dramatically, “You were stupidly mourning the loss of Myra the hydra.” Eddie cringed at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. 

“Be nice, Rich.” Eddie frowned. He pulled out a packet of thin mint girl scout cookies for all of them to snack on.  

Richie rolled his eyes as he sipped quickly from the glass of wine, clearly not finished speaking, “I don’t know why either. She was a carbon copy of your mother. Her leaving was the best thing to ever happen to you.” 

“Yes, being extremely single has done wonders for my self-esteem.” Eddie mumbled.

Richie leaned over and flicked Eddie’s nose, “You’re a catch, dummy.” 

He yelped, rubbing his nose and getting goosebumps from their intensely close position. Eddie grabbed the other two glasses, thin mints and turned on his heel to walk out of the kitchen. “Fine, 50 bucks it isn’t an engagement.” 

“Sweet! Also, those pants look good on you.” Richie pointed out following from behind him. 

Eddie’s cheeks heated up a little, he purposely wore these dark navy blue jeans because Richie always compliments them. He wondered if Richie remembered that he did this every time. Eddie doubted it. When it was just the two of them, Richie constantly tried to make Eddie feel special and wanted. Eddie suspected Richie did it because he felt sorry for him, but he couldn’t be sure. Despite knowing his best friend pretty well, he was also a huge enigma. Constantly says whatever is on his mind, does the most spontaneous - borderline suicidal - things, and keeps a smile on his face no matter what he may be feeling. 

They plop down on the couch in Eddie’s living room. His place was what Richie called a ‘clean mess’, probably the best description of Eddie ever said. He had the habit of hoarding things he didn’t really need. Piles of books on every table that he had already read, knick-knacks from trips, more candles than any one person needed on all open surfaces. He had really nice furniture that matched well in a blend of warm colors. Beverly and Ben sat in two mahogany chairs across from them, holding hands. 

Eddie placed the wine glasses on monster movie poster coasters that Richie gifted him years ago when they were teens. They grew up together and remained close throughout the years, regardless of college or moving around. In fact, Eddie had six very close friends from childhood. The group called themselves the Losers Club, a title courtesy of Richie. 

“Thanks, Eddie!” Beverly said nicely. Ben thanked him too. Richie sat beside Eddie, the side of their thighs touching as he scooted closer to hand him wine. Eddie always felt so comfortable around all his friends, they were the only ones he let be touchy with him. He used to hate germs and be easily disgusted by everything, but when the people he was closest with shared food, drinks, and beds with him, that feeling went away gradually. 

“Alright, lads,” Richie started up with a newsies kid accent. “What’s the scoop? Striking Pulitzer again?” 

“Well,” Ben’s round cheeks turned pink as he said, “We’ve got pretty big news.” Eddie observed Ben take both Beverly’s hands into his own big ones. 

Beverly was practically jumping in her seat, her flamming red short curls bouncing against the sides of her face. She shared a big smile with Ben as she blurted out, “WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!”

“FUCK YES!” Richie shouted. He flew off the couch tackling Beverly in a huge hug. 

“Please, don’t hurt my girlfrie-I mean fiancé.” Ben said softly, clearly surprised how much he enjoyed calling her that. 

Eddie got up to hug Ben tightly, saying congratulations. Beverly kissed both men before they sat back down. Eddie raised his glass. “Cheers, to two people who’s friendship, romance, and love are unparalleled.” 

They clinked glasses and drank. Richie bumped Eddie lightly, “Cheers to owing me $50.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie nodded toward the counter. “You can grab it from my wallet before you go home.” 

“You can just buy me dinner this weekend.” Richie waved his hand.

“So Rich, you know what me getting married also means?” Beverly’s eyes shined brightly at him. He looked between her and Ben, thinking. Then dawning flashed on his face. He put his glass down and stood on the couch. 

“Richie, no!” Eddie pleaded desperately. “You are going to fall! Idiot!” 

He jumped up and down like a child discovering Christmas came early. “I AM GOING TO BE DUDE OF HONOR!” 

They all laughed at his excitement. One of the things the losers club decided in their 20’s, after a particularly ugly fight about who would be who’s best man or ‘dude of honor’ in this case, was that each of them would take turns. 

So far, Bill and Stanley had gotten married. To two incredible women, Audra and Patty. Eddie was Bill’s and Bill was Stan’s best man. The rest of the sequence goes: Mike is Richie’s, Richie is Bev’s, Bev is Eddie’s, Stan is Ben’s, and Ben is Mike’s. Mike is fairly confident he won’t get married and neither will Richie, which he says is for the best as he is far too stressed as a person to get married or be a best man. 

Eddie recalled that a huge fight he had with Myra was over Beverly being his Best Woman. She shouted at him for hours that there was no reason a woman should be when he had all these guy friends. Explaining the losers club deal to her did nothing but place fuel on the fire. ‘Sometimes I think you love them more than me!’ Looking back, he most certainly did. Eddie was fairly certain he would always love the losers most in this world. Which furthered the cycle of being horribly single. Sometimes he thought he was in a polyamorous asexual relationship with 6 other people. They were too close.

Richie finished up his jumping and landed on the couch half on Eddie. “OW!” Eddie yelled. “That fucking hurt. You aren’t light enough to plop all your weight on me.” 

Richie slung an arm over Eddie’s shoulders and kissed the side of his face. “Sorry, Eds.”

Eddie wiped his face that got kissed on Richie’s shoulder, pretending to get the germs off. “Have you told everyone else?” 

“We have…” Ben begun slowly. Eddie didn’t like the tone he was using. “Stanley’s already started his best man duties.”

“Why wouldn’t you just tell us you’re getting married altogether like Bill and Stan did?” Richie said, seeming to also realize this was odd. 

“Because we have to ask a favor of you.” Ben brought his hand up to start biting his nails the way he did when he was about to deliver bad news. 

“Favor is too nice, babe. This is not a favor or a request. It is a requirement if you both want to be at this wedding.” Beverly let go of Ben’s hand to place it on her knee. She rubbed her thighs once, gearing up to tell them. Eddie had a couple guesses about what she may want to say but nothing prepared him for what it actually was, “You have to bring a date.” 

Eddie leaned back in confusion, realizing Richie’s arm was still around him so it brought them both laying back against the couch. Richie removed his arm and started fidgeting with his fingers. Eddie worried his bottom lip before saying quietly, “Why?” 

Beverly looked to Eddie with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Eddie, but we don’t want a repeat of Stan and Bill’s weddings.”

Eddie’s face immediately turned red with embarrassment. Three years ago, Stanley got married and that was around when he left his mother’s place for the third time. A year later, Bill got married and he had his break up with Myra. On both occasions, Eddie took a bad combination of too many pills and drinking more than he ever had in his life. Resulting in major blackouts and behavior he cannot remember but knows second hand from everyone what happened.

“Why do we both have to have dates?” Richie said, voice a little strained and weird.

Beverly rounded on him with no sympathy. “Because, Richard, when YOU go to weddings you fuck everyone and break shit. A date will keep you focused on that person and not be a chaotic monster with a death wish.”

Richie laughed, “If I want to be fucked by all your bridesmaids at the same time then I should be allowed to do that!”

Beverly’s voice rose higher, “That’s literally not possible, asshole! And the only bridesmaid is Kay McCall.” 

“Damn. Kay’s beautiful but I don’t screw married women.” Richie’s face scrunched up. “Does that make her a bride’s matron?”

“High morals there Richie,” Ben said trying to lighten the mood.

“You know it Ben Handsome.” He winked. 

Eddie sat there trying to word what he wanted to say carefully. As Richie continued to dig himself a deeper hole, “We are getting off-topic. I’m saying if I want to have sex with someone and have a little fun or if Eddie wants to get so drunk he mistakes your grandma for a urinal, then we should have that right.” 

This brings Eddie back, “Richie!” 

“What? Nana Denbrough thought she was at a waterpark. You’re fine.” 

He put his hands on his face and folded forward. Richie scratched his back soothingly but didn’t stop trying to defend himself. Beverly eventually got so fed up that she pulled out her phone and played a video from YouTube. 

“Exhibit A, Bill and Audra’s wedding.” She said viciously. 

Eddie groaned as he raised his head to watch the screen. Bill’s younger brother Georgie had filmed people talking about Bill and Audra. He put the most unfortunate video, starring Eddie and Richie, on the internet for the world to see. 

Video Eddie looked miserable and spaced out. Georgie had to say his name three times before Eddie looked up and hiccuped. “Oh hey, Georgie!” Video Eddie said enthusiastically. “Having fun kiddo?” 

“I’m 21, Eddie. Not really a kid anymore.” Georgie’s voice said laughing. 

“Stay a kid forever,” Eddie begged him.

“Ok, Eddie. What do you want to say to Bill and Audra?” 

“Bill...I want you to know that you are the bravest man alive and I would die for you. Audra, you better be good to him.” Video Eddie points at the camera and almost falls forward. Suddenly, video Richie appears, catching him. He giggles bopping video Richie on the nose and keeping his face precariously close to video Richie’s face. 

Video Eddie frowns suddenly and looks back at the camera, “But don’t fall too too in love. You might get your heart broken like me. Love is dumb. Women are dumb. They don’t really care about you.” 

Video Richie had his hair slicked back and was laughing at video Eddie’s truths, “Eds! This day isn’t about you. It’s about Bill and Audra. We should be telling stories about them!”

“Oh god,” Eddie said as his stomach turned reliving the next part again. 

“So Audra, let me tell you about Bill’s first time. He had a girlfriend in high school, blonde and pretty, much like yourself and they were dating for about…” 

Video Eddie hiccups, “4 months.” Then smashes his face into video Richie’s neck. “You smell like whiskey.” He winces.

Video Richie laughed, cheeks reddening from drunkenness, “Thank you, Eds. When they decided to fuck for the first time, he got everything all set and she came over that evening. As he was eating her out.” 

“Richie, kids could see this.” Video Georgie warned through obvious laughter.

“As Bill was going downtown on her hoo-hoo she got a little too excited and shat the bed.” All three men were shrieking with laughter. Video Eddie wrapped his arms around video Richie, shaking uncontrollably with glee. Despite the horribleness of the situation, Eddie smiled a little. “Now it’s unclear where all the crap ended up but we can guess that…”

Beverly stopped the video glaring at Richie intently. Eddie looked at him and he only smiled. “We won’t even get into the nuclear mess that was Stanley and Patti Uris’s wedding right now. But we want you both to have a date so there is no chance of you completely embarrassing me, Ben, and yourselves.” 

Eddie scoffed, “Richie embarrasses himself on every date he goes on. What makes you think one brought to the wedding will be any better?” 

“Oh yeah?” Richie gazed at him steadily. Eddie braced himself for the incoming insult. As much as he could dish it, he rarely could take it. Especially against Richie’s quick tongue, “And when was the last time you even fucking went on a date to embarrass yourself?” 

“I can get dates!” 

“A night alone with your right hand isn’t a date.”

“Shut the fuck up, Trashmouth!” 

Suddenly, two armchair pillows smacked the side of Eddie and Richie’s heads. They both rounded on Beverly and Ben but the stare of death Beverly was giving stopped their prepared protests. 

“If you assholes want to come to my wedding,”

“Our wedding…” Ben whispered.

She turned her ever reddening face, almost the color of her hair, at her financé, “Not if you correct me, Benjamin! Don’t make me marry myself!” She focused back on Eddie and Richie, pointing a bitten nail at them menacingly. “...you will have dates and BEHAVE at the reception or so help me, I’ll castrate you!” 

There was a pregnant pause broken by the one who can never stay quiet long. “What about the ceremony?” Richie responded, “Can I at least ruin that?”

She stared at him, everyone ready for more yelling but instead she broke into a gorgeous smile and laughed. It lightened the moment but Eddie didn’t find he felt any less anxious. He fully contemplated this enormous request from his friends. Finding a good wedding date took time, he only ever had committed relationships. Well, the one with Myra. As much as Richie’s words hurt, he was right. Eddie didn’t go on dates. People didn’t tend to find him datable. “Too short, too high maintenance, too weird” were just a few of the flaws that consumed him. He had no clue how he was expected to get someone to go to this wedding with him. 

The four of them started discussing wedding details, Beverly and Richie talking a mile a minute about everything that had to get done. He was especially excited to plan a bachelorette party. With how much money Ben and Bev make, it sounded like they would get their dream wedding easily. 

Eddie was thrilled for them but that pang of being single and now having to find a date was eating him alive for the two more hours they stayed. When they finally called it a night, Beverly and Ben hugged them promising to talk tomorrow. 

Richie did not follow them out which meant he wanted to drink and talk more, probably spend the night there. Eddie had a guest room that was essentially Richie’s room since he spent the most time there. 

“You want ice cream?” Richie shouted from the kitchen where he was most likely opening another bottle of wine. 

“With chocolate syrup!” Eddie yelled back. 

“Oh, chocolate syrup night means major troubles.” Richie laughed. 

“What are we gonna do Rich?” Eddie whined miserably. “Or rather, what the fuck am I going to do?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“About the fucking dates!” Eddie laid sideways on the couch, grabbing the cushion pillow and placing it over his face to scream into. 

“Don’t be a drama queen.” Richie said. The couch shifted as he sat down by Eddie’s legs. 

“That’s easy for you to say.” Eddie mumbled into the pillow. 

Two hands extracted the pillow from his face. Eddie kept his eyes scrunched closed. “I can’t speak pillow.” 

Eddie huffed out, “It’s easy for you to not be worried. You are a serial dater.” 

“Open your eyes, Eds.” Richie chuckled. Eddie opened them to pout childishly at him.

He had his smirky smile on, which could only mean he had a terrible idea. “I have a great idea to get us out of getting actual dates.”

Eddie stared at him from his laid down position, probably giving Richie an unattractive double chin, “There is no loophole in this agreement, Rich. Beverly was really fucking clear. We have to have dates.” 

“And we will.” Richie poured wine into both their glasses. He handed it to Eddie, forcing him to sit up in order to drink it. While Eddie drank normally, Richie downed his quickly then licked his lips. 

“Who am I gonna have to take to Ben and Beverly’s wedding?”

Richie watched him carefully, opened his mouth and said, “You’ll take me. I will be your wedding date. And by default, you will be mine” Eddie’s mouth dropped and Richie clinked his empty glass with Eddie’s full one.

______________________

In honor of IT: Chapter 2 coming out soon, I have begun writing this fake dating idea! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, comment here or on archive and let me know your thoughts and feels! The title is thanks to Slashpalooza on tumblr who asked me a million years ago to write something with this title!

Tag List (Starting a new tag list since I don’t know who is still around in the fandom. Let me know if you want to be tagged):

@sarah011 @pan-ini @frankeeenstein @sam-i-am2468 @eds-kas @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @roobarrtrashmouth @hypnoidvoid @imeddie @slashpalooza @reddieforlove 

#reddie #fake dating au #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #welcome home losers club #benverly #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #the losers club #fanfiction #it fandom #cursing #gay #i am a loser #Why Can't This Be Love #shannon writes

[sollitudde]

haikyuu & cafes (1/?)

bigass creds to @luvoikawa with this post that inspired me to write too much nonsense about nonsense

all my writing got deleted edition 🐸 also jesus christ sorry this is super long i just really like cafes and drinkys and coffys...

karasuno

ukai

for a guy who gets up early every morning coffee is a must. canned coffee is his drink of choice for getting up and it’s one of his morning routines before starting work. he actually dislikes cafes because they have an atmosphere he isn’t too fond of and likes bars (enjoys shit beers = enjoys shit coffee) more- but he could go to a cafe when asked by his friends or if he’s going on a date, just don’t ask him about what type of coffee he’d like specifically because all he wants is it to be hot and black, no milk no sugar. when he was younger he actually disliked coffee, but with age he learned to 1. not be fussy about it 2. just tolerate it to pick him up. it’s not like he dislikes the tastes of it but i don’t see him as picking up oh many tannin inteiciasies cause he’s not developed a pallete, also gets the cheapest no fuss shit. prefers hot over cold even in the summer

for food, he doesn’t enjoy completely western menus. likes meat and doesn’t order any sweets like pastries and whatever the fuck, not only is it too expensive but also he’d just rather have the coffee unless he’s particularly hungry. like i said he isnt a cafe guy but life takes you to a lot of places so ☕️

takeda

actually can taste tanins like some sort of a legend. still though on a teachers salary you’re not going to have an espresso machine at home so he settles for his drip brew. actually doesn’t like espresso too much either if hes working at least. but since he is a teacher and a club supervisor he drinks 2 (two) of those shits a day, one in the morning from home one in the afternoon from the teachers lounge- needs it to deal with the energy at practice. takes just milk in his coffee and prefers it steamed, but has that shitty milk foamer thing that takes so much time to get results out of he just ends up drinking drip w cold milk; the workingmans choice.

with cafes and food he still enjoys drip brew (this time fancier) coffee with milk. could ask to taste test the plain bean coffee if he enjoyed his first cup so much. LOVES a pastry with his drink, if he goes there to do work will get a coffee and a pastry of any kind, i think he likes cream so expect him to get a cream puff esp if on a date cause then he gets to share it and be cute 🥴 loves a cafe hangout with friends or an s/o

kiyoko

pre time skip she did not need coffee at all. like her face at first says either only black coffee or shes so well adjusted she needs nothing and i’d say it’s the latter though i could debate. though she was an enjoyer of canned coffee milk later in life before having to consume coffee for life energy in her adulthood. nothing too fancy either though, small coffee machine that only she uses (tanakas a pussy!) for making coffee, pours milk and adds a teaspoon of sugar into it- doesn’t really like flavors cause to her they taste artificial. busy lady! so she can pick up some starbucks or sit down for a brief second and get coffee wherever she is, thinks it energizes her and also is an enjoyer of the novelty of steamed milk. it actually doesn’t buzz her ever even when she first starts drinking it so rather than having to drink more coffee as the tolerance builds up she just has a plateau of coffee give me caffeine boost

for cafes she just gets whatever looks good to her. also not the biggest fan of sweets rather than a good bread, enjoyer of plain croissants and good bread if she gets a sandwitch. who doesn’t love carbs

yachi

the sweet sugary drink enjoyer has arrived. didn’t even touch coffee until her 3rd year at college, tried a sip of black coffee from her friend in junior high and became instantly afraid of it- managed to skirt by college with a good schedule until the junior terror seeped into her veins and now her early classes she has to drink coffee for. but like she still gets good grades so it’s only the morning she’s required to partake in bean water for- doesn’t even do anything on weekends if she doesn’t have anywhere to be. at home she has 2 syrups 5 milks and overloads her drink so much she’s barely drinking any coffee at all, still the sugar and the hot stuff in the morning has an effect (placebo lol)

loves a starbucks for its accessibility, but gets refreshers and iced drinks more often than any of their caffeine. not only does she think it’s not worth it if she can make coffee at home, but she has a tiny cafe she goes to to cram that serves a mean lavender rose vanilla latte (fucking ew?) that shes in love with. but it costs a lot and she’s a rare visitor, gets sweets and small sandwitches if she goes. w friends she doesn’t know that well she’ll get a flavored coffee to seem mature&cute, but with old friends she’d rather drink a milk tea or a seasonal drink rather than bother w a latte (since she uses it to get energy if it’s 5pm and her day is nearly done whyd she need it then?) no 7-11 coffee or vending machine coffee (junior high trauma) rather sweets and candy if she’s buying from one

daichi

courtesy to @sugardaddykenma, i think daichi oinking his way to the top ended after he had a midlife crisis- so he stops drinking coffee the way he would at the pig pen. sorry ok enough puns but yeah i think he was drinking way too much coffee in both college and at his “job” so coffee now messes with his stomach so much he thinks he might have a heart attack if he drinks more than one cup a week. i don’t know if that directly makes sense but too much coffee can literally kill you and since now he doesn’t fear the revolution here’s another thing for his mind. no coffee, maybe like once if hes at a cafe with his friends but really really prefers plain tea more- especially as he gets older. likes green white and black teas rather than herbal cause caffeine, and doesn’t put sugar in either cause hes #real and genuinely enjoys the flavors more that way

doesn’t go to cafes except for reunions or hanging out with the boys, always more of a “what do they have to eat” rather a “what’s new and exiting to drink” boy. i actually think the only reason he does drink coffee occasionally is because sugawara teases him and also sometimes it’s easier to order something to not be embarassing and to live up to the expectation of a dilf on the prowl rather than well like. dilf drinking tiny mug of jasmine tea. surprisingly an atmosphere enjoyer, people talking all around him is comforting- though if he were to go there frequently he’d grown annoyed

sugawara

king of looking fuckable at a cafe. literally can’t drink coffee black and hates it but still uses it for that energy boost in the morning. has a cheap espresso machine (like 2nd hand and super busted) with a milk frother cause he can’t even drink coffee with just milk it’s so repulsuve to him, he’s gotta fancy it up with syrups & steamed liquids to get anything out of it. but like i said hes king of looking fuckable at a cafe and that’s cause he goes to them all the fucking time. to study to hang for dates like part of it is the ambience is unparalleled but also i mean 1. he likes looking hot 2. he can study 3. man idk hes just a little bitch that wants to look smarter than he actually is. literally in love with the concept of a meet cute so hes in there like “wow... i look so pretty and i’m reading such a big book won’t someone come talk to me”enjoys smiling at other hot patrons and the nines. i think he’d start banter only if you spilled a drink though or something happened hes not that confident to go up to someone full force, and well while he is there sometimes for the hell of it he does actually study there too cause it forces him to do something rather than fuck around on the computer at home. win win system

frequent cafe flyer and frequent cafe snack enjoyer. he’d much rather go for the small snacks like chips and nuts rather than big meal shit cause since his stuff is there he doesn’t wanna get anything on it, and would rather lounge back at home while eating anyways. frequent buys you a sweet on a date type of move, asks if you wanna give him a small bite but doesn’t actually enjoy most sweets that much. ICE LATTE ENJOYER but only when hes on the go or it’s summer, they make a mess when condensation happens.

asahi

hate to tell you folks, but you won’t find this guy in any cafes ever. if he needs to study in a public place he’d rather go to a library and if he can’t go there he’s just seriously gonna sit on the street if it’s the worst of it. can not only not handle cafes if it’s at full capacity, sugawara once shared his cafe strategies with him and now he overthinks whenever he steps foot into one. if he does enter a cafe it’s for a to go order of a cafe au lait (with soy milk, he got in the habit from ordering the wrong thing and never asking them to fix it) because espresso beverages give him anxiety, and add anxiety with a lot of people there it’s just no good and he becomes nervous. he does relax when his friends are there though, and a la p5 enjoys a quiet cafe at night the best. he like herbal teas without sugar (maybe some honey) and aromatic tea blends, but not refresher like beverages at starbucks

since he doesn’t sit down and eat at cafes hes not getting anything substantial, but has a pertulance for sweet stuff! nothing too big but if he gets something sweet with his coffee (and he does get coffee out a lot actually i feel i should clarify. it’s the devil wears prada influence and if you’re a fashion designer chance is you need to go somewhere fast so he needs the energy to power walk and actually ends up picking up coffee for his crew sometimes)

nishinoya

oh christ dude if he got coffee while in high school he’d go fucking insane. way too much current energy + caffeine is such a bad combination- but i think he’d never step into a cafe until his world traveling days. in which case i mean like first of all if you are traveling you’re going to have to keep a tight schedule unless you’re like rich as fuck and can afford to leisure around, and i think he does have some savings but at the same time if he’s himself he’s very likely running around- in summary, cafe visits very dépendant on the culture. cafe dates and cafe stops to get a pick up i think would be the most common stuff here, and coffee would be only used as a wake up i need more energy tool

with food i mean going to a great underground cafe is a right of passage if you’re traveling so i’m sure hes tried all sorts of shit and also hes a big eater, so i can see him getting whatever looks the craziest. big coffee ice cream enjoyer but like i said that’s just to wake up & i think there’s better places to get better juice (& international soda) than a hole in the wall coffee place. did someone say italian sodas or do i have to get my hearing checked

tanaka

man this guys a pussy. thinks starbucks is the fancy coffee place even though it’s a chain and can’t enjoy a non sweetened coffee- even sweetened coffees are a bust. honestly also is too concerned about caffeine being able to “hinder” him, it’s not going to kill you or make you crazy but probably saw someone go balls off the walls with it and is too pussy to try it himself because he thinks he’s so energetic already it’ll make him turn super saiyan. very big enjoyer of a juice, a smoothie, or a refresher again if we’re going from starbucks’ menu. actually yeah it the place offers smoothies he definitely gets that 100% no questions asked, cause it’s the one sweet he can permit himself because he actually thinks it’s healthy when the only reason it “is” is because it’s fruit. does not enjoy the vibes whatsoever and is kinda spooked by everyone drinking coffee in coffee drinking establishments. his wife is more of a man than him in that regard but he can take it

cafe foods aplenty though! likes to walk in and run to get smth and leave, cause it’s less effort than making something and more effort than going to a convenience store. actually has this thing where he picks wifey dearest up snacks he thinks she’ll like. before that he used to scoff at them but now seeing as shes a frequent patron and he is married to her he’s all like look at this treat i bought for you at (blank). it’s kinda sweet! plus he prolly gets a takeout drink for himself too so win win

ennoshita

physical therapy is a lot of work! sorry for the lack of substance for this guy but like a normal adult i think he is normal with his coffee consumption. aka- drinks it to get up, and when hes tired. i think he has a particular interest in trying new things though and will get whatever is interesting to him or something that is weird on the menu like a pumpkin chocolate latte or some shit like that that is unusual but still tasty. adventurous and also you can’t tell at all that hes had coffee, acts completely the same and people even tell him he should drink some coffee cause of the low energy. hes had two cups already and that’s enough!

kinoshita

i think this guy just doesn’t like coffee for whatever reason. he seems like the type of dude to just not drink it and instead go for something energizing in the form of tea or an energy drink but not bean juice, just a vibe! enjoys a cafe every once in a while but goes rarely, i mean hes just chilling! there is a place that hes gone to that he is now an irregular regular of that has a tea infusion of different berries and ingredients that’s meant to clear up your sinuses and calm you. they don’t sell it in packets and hes disappointed about that but the very reason it exists at all is because it’s made out of fresh chopped shit and spices, also it’s a gimmick. they serve them in tea pitchers and he stays there and reads until he finishes. it’s the little things!

kazuhito

writing got erased again but like literally just think of a guy. a guy that works at a company who has to go to work everyday so yeah he drinks coffee and the chances of it being instant are very high. actually doesn’t know that starbucks is a chain and just has the regular drip coffee machine at home, probably takes it with milk and sugar and whatever is there at the time. relaxed guy and relaxed preferences

kageyama

dude doesn’t even know what coffee is to be completely honest. well no that’s a lie he definitely tried some but it made him jittery and he can’t be jittery or else he’s not doing perfect tosses, so no can do. like i know the milk joke is old but i don’t think the habit stops at high school i genuinely think unless one of his teammates or someone with him is like no getting milk or they don’t just serve raw milk because who the fuck would he maybe gets a milk tea at most. honestly not a fan of sugary drinks such as juice or refreshers and whatnot nor iced drinks because well hes just a weirdo. if you take him to a sbucks or somewhere else either order him a london fog or water or a cup of milk if you want your cashier to have something funny to tell. he likes matcha lattes but since they’re high caf he only gets them on off days and like when does he have those? never. genuine weirdo

okay for food it’s anything goes but i think thr funnier thing to talk about would be the amount of time it takes him to read a menu. literally can’t decide on anything especially if a place is out of stock well hes gonna be out of comission for a few minutes as he reconsiders. asks what this has and what’s in this if it’s not listed so it’s really best to just pick smth for him, plain simple and he won’t have any complaints and just sit down w you.

hinata

actually got fond of espresso in brazil but still prefers juices and shit to actual caffeinated beverages. they don’t make them like they used to there 😔 but he does get lattes. LOVES coconut milk and nut milks cause they have an “oomph” (what?) but honestly anything goes kind of guy in where he can get coffee out of a machine at a convenience store starbucks a cafe anything anywhere no problem. thing is though he can only consume it in a short amount of time aka just the morning or else he’s unable to sleep at night, a thing that is most definitely a placebo but like he believes on it so insistently that he just doesn’t mess with it. is a fan of anything new and anything that catches his interest in coffee places, likes to pick stuff up rather than sit down cause he’s a fan of walking and talking and drinking

pastry guy :) or just anything breaded. again likes to pick whatever catches his interest cause he became more adventurous with food for sure, enjoys a sandwitch or some shit i mean you get the point i think. he’s just a funny little guy

tsukishima

honestly? cant fucking drink black coffee. i think it’d be so funny and well also fitting that if he does drink anything he does drink super sugary sweet stuff, like i mean we know he enjoys sweets anyways so why not push it further and say this motherfucker can’t handle tanins at all? and like by all i mean he has to have tea with milk and sugar no matter what it is (well not herbal tea 🍵 that’s an emoji of a green tea but herbal tea never should be enjoyed with milk) his go to is a hot matcha latte and a cold iced vanilla latte. cause both are sweet and make him look a little less pussy when ordering them. straight up will chug purely black coffee out of spite and suppress gags to seem cool, it’s okay tbough hes so far only worried about this happening in front of friends and it hasn’t yet. he has practiced at home though and he can so far not gag but still squint, which he’s thinking if he has to explain will explain by “well uh it tastes like shit so”

i don’t think he needs coffee to get up but instead does need something sweet. since cake doesn’t last a while i’d see him trying to buy some for himself discreetly like i know this dude isn’t a pussy but also imagine being so hard and then being made fun of for eating a cake alone by yourself in a cafe. doesn’t order sweets therefore unless hes in a private room or with a trusted friend. yamaguchi won’t tell on you bro in fact he’ll order the cake and let you have it. doesn’t like any savory thing on the menu for some reason, no matter the place he goes

yamaguchi

actually enjoys tanins but chugs cheap shitty coffee for energy no matter the time of day. he just got used to the lack of taste and definitely grabbed a caffeine addiction to add to his problems to worry about but it’s okay cause hey while he’d never say it he thinks it’s better to be able to taste them and enjoy a normal cup of good beans than to be like his unnamed friend. enjoyer of the whole menu, entirely dependent on the mood. focusing, straight espresso shots, reading, matcha or peppermint tea, vibing, lemonade or lemonade mixture idk you name it. very into cafe energy and feels good whenever he enters one, but doesn’t do it out of neccesity cause once he did actually have someone slightly hit on him at a cafe and he stopped going to it because he interacted with them very awkwardly. is sure the baristas heard and just can’t do it anymore. has pulled all nighters and 24-hr study sessions in internet cafes chugging coffees like a motherfucker. hasn’t yet poured a redbull into coffee yet but i mean it could be coming we never know (nah hes afraid of it)

not a fan of ordering stuff in cafes at all cause hes not there to eat. can be persuaded for a bite if friends are there but if not then hes avoidant of foods. you can’t blame him! it’s kind of awkward to order food at a coffee place anyways so he just steers clear

#obituaries☠️(headcanons) #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #karasuno hcs #karasuno headcanons #genuinely do not want to tag tbis more at all. i am tired

[gringolet]

I'm curious what makes you ship gawain and lancelot in the first place?

shulregahlugrahugr okay… look….

short answer: I just think they’re neat and should hold hands

LONG ANSWER:

it just seems like they just genuinely really care about each other even though they’re in some ways very different, like they’re technically rivals right, because at least in vulgate and (kinda) la morte de arthur, lancelot is the best with gawain a close second, but they never seem all that competitive.

especially in chretiens kngiht of the cart where they have this whole like buddy cop thing going on, where lancelot is younger and more impulsive and emotional and gawain is like just sort of along for the ride, stopping lancelot from falling out of windows and sleeping wierd places. then lancelot gets captured and has this whole. deeply homoerotic monologue about why gawain hasnt rescued him yet.  here is is:

“Ah, Gawain, you who possess suchworth, and whose goodness is unparalleled, surely I may well be amazed that you do not come tosuccour me. Surely you delay too long and are not showing courtesy. He ought indeed to receive youraid whom you used to love so devotedly! For my part I may truly say that there is no lodging place or retreat on either side of the sea, where I would not have searched for you at least seven or ten yearsbefore finding you, if I knew you to be in prison. But why do I thus torment myself? You do not carefor me even enough to take this trouble. The rustic is right when he says that it is hard nowadays to finda friend! It is easy to rest the true friend in time of need. Alas! more than a year has passed since first Iwas put inside this tower. I feel hurt, Gawain, that you have so long deserted me! But doubtless youknow nothing of all this, and I have no ground for blaming you. Yes, when I think of it, this must be thecase, and I was very wrong to imagine such a thing; for I am confident that not for all the worldcontains would you and your men have failed to come to release me from this trouble and distress, ifyou were aware of it. If for no other reason, you would be bound to do this out of love for me, yourcompanion. But it is idle to talk about it – it cannot be. “ 

basically sitting in a tower moping playing ‘he loves me, he loves me not,’ so thats certainly a lot, lets move on to the vulgate, where gawain pretty infamously says the following about lancelot:

“I’d immediately wish to be the most beautiful maiden in the world, happy and healthy, on condition that he would love me above all others, all his life and mine,”

so. theres that.

the main reason is deffo the end tho, where gawain gets fully unhinged and keeps trying to cut of lancelots head, which sounds wild but like lemme explain.

so lancelot and gawain fight and its really close, but eventually lancelot wins. gawain refuses to yield though, so lance now has to choose between killing gawain, which will also end the war and solve a lot of his problems, and dishonorably leaving the field, prolonging the war and shaming himself. its worth noting that gawain is literally begging lancelot to kill him at this point. but lancelot cant bring himself to do it, and returns to his cousins in shame.

theyre like dude what the fuck, and he says uh some things which speak for themselves:

“he would have killed you if he could,” said Hector, “Why did you not do the same to him?”

“I could not do it,” said Lancelot, “because my heart, which directs me, would not allow it for anything,”

and

“I should not kill him for all the world…he is the man, out of all those in the world that have meant anything to me, that I have most loved,”

and 

“it is certainly remarkable of you, “said King Bors, “to love him so deeply when he hates you mortally,”

“find it remarkable if you wish,” replied Lancelot, “but he will never be able to hate me so much that I stop loving him.”

fuck oh god i made myself sad holy shit. guys they love each other. god this post is so long but like. feel free to send me asks about them when fuckin ever i will drop everything to talk about how much i think these two medieval literature characters should kiss.

#long post #arthuriana #look #THYERE IN LOVE OKAY #i have a test in less than an hour and and i ditched studying for it to write this fucking... essay #and i also ditched studying last night to watch avalon high on discord... #sorry greek vase painting of archaic athens but u dont hold my attention like gawain does #Anonymous

[purplepersnicketywrites]

I found this post and I really love the prompt so it goes like this "you're unfairly good at everyhting but I'm strong enough to carry you bride-style and this for some reason renders you speachless" I'm sorry it's not a nermaid thing.

It doesn’t have to be a mermaid thing! You’re good! I just thought it would be On Theme for the month dfshgdfg

ANYWAY YES THIS IS A TOP-TIER PROMPT it’s,,, Kirishima @ Bakugou tbh

so um. it might have taken a while to write this but have like, a whole 4k fic? i don’t know how to drabble,, apparently,,,

Eijirou was in love.

Okay, well, maybe that was a little over-exaggeration of his feelings. Maybe it was being dramatic - especially since he wasn’t actually with the object of his affections (yet) - but dramatic suited his would-be suitor.

Or, Eijirou thought. Am I the suitor?

It wasn’t like he was actively persuing anything… Whatever, the point was that Eijirou was desperately in love with one Bakugou Katsuki, his long-time best friend and the owner of his entire heart and most of his soul. And who could blame him? Bakugou was perfect.

It might not be an opinion that everyone shared of the blond bombshell. He was prickly and wore an almost permanent scowl. He was the grumpiest, grouchiest bastard that Eijirou had ever met. He swore liberally, was unapologetically self-confident almost to the point of arrogance, and he exploded stuff. He’d been even worse when he was younger.

The thing was, as Bakugou’s best friend, Eijirou saw the other side of him, too. Where Bakugou’s walls were raised high around him, he’d carved out a small door for Eijirou and a few of their closest friends to let them in.

Where most saw Bakugou as a unfriendly and standoffish guy, Eijirou saw the introverted young man who was shy and just didn’t want to admit it. Where most heard the blistering language that rolled off of Bakugou’s tongue, Eijirou heard the Bakugou who was bad with words and at a loss for how to really express himself. Bakugou was way more into physical expression than verbal. He didn’t like to talk about feelings or ‘gross sappy shit like that’.

Most people didn’t bother trying to get through Bakugou’s walls to see the part of him that really, truly cared about people. It had been a stunted, shrivelled sort of thing when Bakugou had started at UA. Now, five years later and two into actual hero work, it was like a tree in full bloom. Bakugou cared, in his own way.

His drive was unparalleled. Once Bakugou Katsuki set his mind on something, god, he was gonna get it. Eijirou didn’t doubt for a second that he’d snag the Number One Hero spot at some point in his career. Bakugou inspired Eijirou, he always had.

Bakugou was also absolutely, mind-bendingly smoking hot. Which, you know, that didn’t hurt Eijirou’s attraction to him one bit.

One of the things that Eijirou found most appealing about his friend was his sheer level of competency. In like, any situation. Eijirou would think that maybe they were stuck on something - in a hopeless situation, on an investigation, anything, really - and then Bakugou’s face would do the thing. He’d get one of his special thinky-faces on, the one that meant he was trying to remember something. Then his eyes - bright and shiny and the most gorgeous deep red - would widen slightly as he pulled on all the strings inside his head and found himself weaving up a thought.

Bakugou would bark out a laugh, one of Eijirou’s favourite Bakugou laughs because this one meant I’ve got it, we’ve won, and proceed to obliterate whatever their obstacle was. Bakugou had done a whole lot of things, somehow. He’d done ballet and acrobatics in addition to martial arts to shape his movements as he fought. He was musical. Origami swans had saved their necks twice, somehow, and Eijirou had nearly died for other reasons that one time Katsuki had had to teach him how to tango for that one undercover mission they’d gone on. Both of them had worn awful wigs. Eijirou remembered the mission fondly.

One thing that Bakugou Katsuki still wasn’t great at doing, however, was knowing when he was beaten. Kaminari often joked that Bakugou had no off-switch. He never stopped.

Not even when his leg was cut up from hip-to-calf and there were seven other heroes on the scene.

“Don’t make me call timeout on you, Zero,” Eijirou growled, holding onto Bakugou’s shoulder to stop him rushing after the villain that Eijirou was pretty sure Battle Fist had already smacked down into the ground. Bakugou tried to keep walking. “You’re bleeding. Like, badly.”

“They can stitch it later,” Bakugou said, eyes darting around.

Eijirou narrowed his own eyes. “Once you’ve passed out from blood loss, you mean?”

Bakugou glared at him and tried to shake Eijirou’s hand off his shoulder. “Don’t mother-hen me, Red.”

“Oh yeah,” Eijirou huffed, doubling down on his grip. “Because not wanting my partner to drop ‘cause he’s being stubborn is unreasonable.”

“Exactly,” Bakugou said, raising one hand. It was already popping a little. Was he going to try and blast Eijirou’s hand off of him? He ought to know that wouldn’t work by now.

Eijirou sighed. “Well, if you’re gonna act like a baby about it… It’s timeout time.”

Bakugou only had time to frown at him before Eijirou was scooping him up into a bridal-style lift. Bakugou squawked and let off a couple of bangs from his hands. They achieved exactly nothing.

“Let me go, you bastard!” Bakugou snapped. He wasn’t wriggling too much, though. His leg must have been really painful. Eijirou tried not to jostle it. “Put me down!”

“Nope!” Eijirou said, and he looked around to see if he could see any medical assistance. If not, well, the hospital wasn’t too far from here… Bakugou folded his arms over his chest and pouted. Good, he’d accepted his fate.

There were no medics set up around here, so Eijirou set off at a light jog towards the route to the hospital. He could feel warmth dripping down one of his arms and grimaced to himself. Bakugou really was losing blood, huh? He was lucky that the villain hadn’t caught one of his major blood vessels.

It didn’t take very long until the hospital was in sight, and Eijirou glanced down at Bakugou, who was staring fixedly at his own knees with a weird expression on his face.

“Hey man, you holding up?” Eijirou asked, wondering if Bakugou was in more pain than he’d thought or like, fainting or something. He shifted Bakugou’s weight in his arms a little.

Bakugou nodded, flushing pink? “Just get me to the docs already.”

“You got it, dude,” Eijirou said, jogging around the hospital building until he saw the sign for A&E. People moving outside the hospital caught sight of them and ogled. Man, they were probably both covered in blood, huh? This’d probably make the news.

It was worth it if Bakugou was okay, though. Eijirou was beginning to get worried - his friend had gone pale again, paler than he should be, and quiet, too. Quiet and Bakugou did not mix. He sped up a little and then all of a sudden he was at the desk in A&E.

“Uh,” Eijirou managed to get out, but the receptionist had seen them coming and a doctor was already rushing over.

“Over here, Red Riot,” the doctor said, showing Eijirou to a free bed. He laid Bakugou down on it as gently as he could. Nurses swarmed under the doctor’s direction, and before Eijirou knew what was going on, he was being bundled into a waiting room chair with a shock blanket and a mug of cocoa.

He texted Mina to go to his and Bakugou’s apartment to pick up some fresh clothes for them both as she had a spare key, and then he was just waiting. He offered himself as a blood donor - as an O-Neg he was a universal donor - but the doctors had deemed it unnecessary. They had plenty of blood for Bakugou to have. That was good. He thought that they had probably stitched him up by now, and maybe even used a medical quirk.

“Red Riot?”

Eijirou looked up. One of the nurses from earlier stood in front of him. “Oh, uh, hi! How’s Ground Zero doing?”

“Good,” said the nurse. “His injuries have been treated and he’s currently being given painkillers for it. He is currently asleep, but would you like to sit in with him?”

Eijirou glanced down at his soiled clothes. “Am I allowed, with all of this gunk on me?”

“His injuries have all been cleaned and dressed, so unless you try to remove any of them, I think you’ll be safe,” the nurse grinned. “Follow me.”

Eijirou did. He was led through a few different corridors and into a ward with individual rooms. The nurse pushed one door open and then there was Bakugou. He looked a lot cleaner and was a far better colour than he had been. Eijirou let out a sigh of relief and went to sit on one of the visitors’ chairs.

“Thanks,” he told the nurse, who smiled again and left the room after telling Eijirou to yell if anything was amiss.

Eijirou stared at Bakugou’s face. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

One of Bakugou’s eyes cracked open. “Yeah.”

“Huh,” Eijirou said. “No arguing with me any more? Those painkillers must be strong.”

“I’m so fuckin’ high right now,” Bakugou agreed. “Sorry.”

“Apologies, too? Man, I should keep some of this stuff and slip it to you the next time you get too grumpy.”

Bakugou grinned at him. “Nah, ya like me when I’m grumpy.”

Damn, well, that was true.

“Yeah, I do,” Eijirou said, and prodded Bakugou’s chest. “So stop ending up in here. This one’s gonna leave a real nasty scar.”

“Mmhmm,” Bakugou said, closing his eyes again. “Sooner I rest up, sooner I’ll be cleared to leave this fuckin’ place. So shut ya trap.”

“Charming,” Eijirou said with a snort.

“I know I am,” Bakugou mumbled. “Shut up.”

Eijirou patted Bakugou on the shoulder. “Yeah. I’ll be here when you wake up again, yeah?”

“Better fuckin’ be,” Bakugou said, and then his face dropped into the genuine relaxation of sleep.

Mina was a goddamn lifesaver. She had brought them their clothes, informed Bakugou that he was a moron for making everyone worry about him, and then swept herself off with no wriggling eyebrows or probing about Eijirou basically gluing himself to Bakugou’s side. She had also taken away their dirtied costumes ‘to be burned’.

The hospital staff had given Bakugou the A-Okay to head home (and rest his leg, which Eijirou was going to have to enforce, somehow). Now all they had to do was physically get out of the hospital.

That was easier said than done.

“I do not need a fuckin’ wheelchair,” Bakugou insisted, despite the fact he wasn’t really supposed to walk in case his stitches ripped. He had woken up on the wrong side of everything, let alone the bed, and now that they’d taken him off the strong painkillers the reality of his injury had settled in.

Eijirou was losing his patience with his friend. “Stop swearing at the staff, Bakugou.”

“I do whatever I damn well please,” Bakugou spat, glowering. “Fucking antibiotics, feel like shit. I’m allowed to cuss, I’m an adult.”

“It’s not professional, man,” Eijirou said. “What if a kid in the hospital hears you? They’re gonna repeat what Ground Zero says.”

“It’s education.”

Eijirou’s mouth threatened to twitch up. No! He wasn’t amused!

“Dude,” said Eijirou. “You suck.”

Bakugou scowled at him. “You wish.”

Eijirou took a moment for himself to scream internally. Being head over heels for this man was incredibly testing at times. He had a suspicion that Bakugou knew, from comments like that, but he could never be sure. Eijirou pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are you going to get into the chair? Or are you hoping that you’ll start spontaneously levitating?”

“I just don’t want the press to get me in one of those things,” Bakugou said, pouting to the side.

“There’s literally nothing wrong with being in a wheelchair, Bakugou,” Eijirou said.

Bakugou scoffed. “Of course not! But the tabloids’ll overreact and make out like I’m dying or I’ve lost my leg or some stupid shit like that. It’ll affect the rankings.”

Eijirou sighed. Bakugou narrowed his eyes and Eijirou held up his hands. “I get it, bro, the world is stupid. They probably already got me carrying you in here covered in blood, though. I could carry you back out again?”

“And do what, carry me the whole way home?” Bakugou snapped.

“Sure, why not?” Eijirou shrugged. “If it gets you out of the hospital.”

Bakugou glared at him. “Why n- We live three fuckin’ miles away, dipshit!”

“And?”

Bakugou blinked. “And that’s a fuckin’ long way to go if you’re lugging someone along with you.”

“Not really, ‘cause I’m like,” Eijirou paused to reorganise his words. “I’ve definitely carried more than you for further before.”

“Excuse me,” said one of the nurses. “So will you be using the wheelchair or not?”

“Not,” Bakugou said.

Oh, wait, so the carrying thing wasn’t hypothetical. Okay.

“Alright, let’s go then,” Eijirou said, walking over to where Bakugou was sitting with his legs dangling over the side of the hospital bed, signed discharge papers in his hand ready to give to reception. Eijirou tried to pretend that his heart wasn’t thundering in his chest. He failed.

No use agonising over it! Eijirou scooped Bakugou up. Bakugou slung one of his arms around Eijirou’s neck - for balance, probably - and lay the other with the discharge papers over his lap.

“You good?” Eijirou asked. Bakugou nodded. “I’m not grabbing your cut, right?”

Bakugou shook his head.

“Comfy?” Eijirou asked. Bakugou nodded. Okay, that was weird, he’d gone quiet. And slightly red. Was that like, a symptom of something, or? “Cat got ya tongue, man?”

Bakugou went pale, and then red again, almost like some kind of squid thing that Eijirou had seen on a wildlife documentary once.

“Ba-”

“Just go already,” Bakugou muttered, scowling at the papers he was holding.

“Alright,” Eijirou said, thanking the nurse and striding from the room.

“Home, sweet home,” Eijirou said, setting Bakugou down for the first time since they’d left the hospital. They weren’t quite in yet, but Eijirou did sort of need to unlock the door. He kept ahold of Bakugou’s arm to make sure he stood in one place, and then the door was open and he was picking Bakugou up again.

So what if he was enjoying all this extra contact? Sue him.

“Sofa or bed, Bakugou?” Eijirou asked, and Bakugou jumped slightly in his arms. He’d have his Thinking Really Hard face on all the way home and had barely said a word.

“Sofa,” Bakugou said. Eijirou set him down and Bakugou leant back into the cushions with his Thoughtful Scowl on again.

Eijirou sat next to him, breathing out a sigh of relief that they were finally home and mostly back in one piece after the fight today. Eijirou had dealt with knife quirks before - on his hero debut, even! - but while his quirk protected him from the worst of any sharp things, it meant that he no longer really got aimed at and it was harder for him to take hits.

Man, if the knife villain had gotten Eijirou? He’d’ve come away from the battle totally unharmed and desperately seeking a new pair of trousers or something. But no. The villain had got his best friend instead, and now everything was going to be a hassle for a while. Patrols without Bakugou didn’t suck, but they did get a little dull, and Eijirou would always be worrying that Bakugou had fallen over or something and injured himself more without anyone around to help him.

“You wanna get take out tonight?” Eijirou asked. He was gonna order it anyway because he didn’t want to cook and he wasn’t gonna let Bakugou do it. Bakugou grunted - probably in agreement - and Eijirou realised that he was still on his no-talking thing. “Dude, what’s up?”

Bakugou levelled a glare at him. “Take a wild guess.”

“Nuh uh, that ain’t gonna fly,” Eijirou said. “You’re moping, or something. Injuries make you angry. You get louder. Not whatever this is.”

“The fuck do you know?” Bakugou grumbled. Eijirou reached out and whacked Bakugou’s shoulder lightly.

“I know you, man,” Eijirou said.

“Ugh,” Bakugou said. “I guess you do.”

He was still looking at Eijirou, expression shifting and shifting so quickly that Eijirou couldn’t keep up. Bakugou’s thoughts must have been racing - and for such a quick-thinking guy that speed must be intense.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Eijirou said, launching into his usual get-Bakugou-to-open-up-about-things spiel. “But I’m here for ya, Bakugou.”

“Yeah, you are,” Bakugou said, face moving into a frown. Huh? “Why?”

“What?”

“Why are you here?” Bakugou asked. “Why do you want to be here?”

Well, this was not exactly the conversation Eijirou had envisioned having… Like, ever. “You’re my best frien-”

“That’s not what I meant, Kirishima,”Bakugou growled, cutting Eijirou off with a glare. What, was Eijirou not giving the right answer to his vague and nebulous question? “It- Ugh. What do you want from me?”

Eijirou blinked. “What? Nothing.”

“No, there isn’t nothing,” Bakugou snapped. Huh? Eijirou didn’t understand what Bakugou was saying. Was this just from all the pain meds, even if the loopy ones weren’t being used any more? Did Bakugou think that Eijirou was only hanging out with him for… For what? Personal gain? What would that even be? Years of friendship (and feelings) down the line and Bakugou thought this? Bakugou clacked his teeth together and frowned harder. “Stop- Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking.”

“Wh-”

“No, fuck, let me just,” Bakugou grimaced, looking off to the side. Oh, this was some weird feelings thing, wasn’t it? No wonder Bakugou wasn’t making any sense. Eijirou still felt tense, but not quite as alarmed. “You carried me home for three fucking miles, Kirishima! What do I- How the hell am I supposed to- Ugh!”

Oh, Eijirou thought he could see the picture of things, now. “You don’t need to give anything back to me for that, Bakugou! It’d be selfish to ask for you to repay me for something I volunteered to do!”

“Well, maybe you should be,” Bakugou said. Eijirou tilted his head. Bakugou glanced at him and away again. “Be selfish, I mean! You’re always fucking giving. Giving and giving and never taking a single thing back for yourself and it drives me up the fucking wall!”

Eijirou shook his head. “There’s nothing I need from anyone that I don’t already have.”

“What about what you want,” Bakugou said. He fixed Eijirou with his stare again and something in his expression made Eijirou’s stomach do somersaults. “Is there anything you want from me that I could give you?”

Eijirou met Bakugou’s burning gaze.

Everything, his brain supplied.

Bakugou’s eyes widened slightly, and Eijirou realised that he’d said the word aloud. Before he could even think about being horrified, Bakugou’s scowl slipped from his face. It was replaced by a triumphant grin.

“Oh thank fuck you finally said it,” Bakugou said, leaning over into Eijirou’s space. Eijirou could feel his whole face burning. “‘Cause if I never got the chance to tell you how god damned hot it is that you can carry me in your arms for three fucking miles without even breaking a sweat, I think I would’ve died.”

Eijirou couldn’t provide a response to that. His lips were occupied, all of a sudden. With Bakugou. Because Bakugou was kissing him, and kind of insistently. Eijirou allowed himself a few more moments to be utterly confused, and then he wrapped his arms around Bakugou and kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm as Bakugou was putting in.

“That’s a little dramatic,” Eijirou said, when they parted to breathe.

Bakugou snorted. “You know who you’re dealing with.”

“Mmhm,” Eijirou said, kissing Bakugou again and finding himself delighted by the way he reacted. When had Bakugou crawled into his lap? “Uh… We should probably talk about this.”

“I’m fuckin’ crazy about you. We’re dating now. That enough talkin’ for ya?”

Probably not, but- Bakugou kissed him again. And again. And again. Eijirou laughed into the kisses, and began to run his hands down Bakugou’s sides. “Wait, um. So does this make you my boyfriend, Katsuki?“

“Fuck, yes,” Bakugou said. Or should it just be Katsuki now? Yeah, Eijirou liked the sound of that. “You- Ow! Watch it!”

Eijirou winced, pulling his hand away from Katsuki’s hip. “Oops! I forgot! Are you okay?”

“Dumbass,” Katsuki said, but fondly.

“For the record, I’m crazy about you, too,” Eijirou said, taking advantage of the lull to speak. “I’ve been kind of head over heels for you since school.“

“I know,” Katsuki said. Oh.

“Wait,” Eijirou raised an eyebrow. “You knew? Like, since when?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Since forever. You’re not subtle.”

Eijirou blinked. “What? Then- Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I dunno,” Katsuki said, pulling himself back to lay against the sofa cushions again. “I was confused about it for a long-ass while.”

“So, you’re not confused any more?” Eijirou asked. It didn’t really need to be asked, given the way that Katsuki had kissed him just now, but Eijirou wanted everything out in the open.

“No,” Katsuki lifted his good leg and prodded Eijirou’s chest with his foot. “I’ve been flirting with you for like, a fuckin’ year now. Thought it’d finally spur you to action but noooo, you have to be all self-depreciating and second-guessing shit all the time.”

“A year?” Eijirou said, feeling his mouth fall open. His brain scanned through all of their recent interactions - there was a lot to sift through. Oh, that explained a few things. Eijirou put a hand over his face. “God, I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah,” Katsuki said. He beckoned Eijirou over with a finger. “But you’re my idiot now, so come here.”

Eijirou crawled over him, mindful of Katsuki’s injured leg. Katsuki hooked his arms around Eijirou’s neck and drew him into a languid kiss.

“I love you,” Eijirou said, feeling a shiver down his spine as the words left his mouth. Wait, fuck, it was too soon for that and Katsuki was probably going to-

“Holy shit,” Katsuki said, turning bright red. “Fuck- Fucking warn a guy if you’re gonna say something that sappy!”

“I’m sorry, I, uh-”

Katsuki slammed a hand over Eijirou’s mouth. “Don’t you fucking dare take it back, Eijirou.”

Oh, Eijirou thought. That was the first time he used my given name.

“I,” Katsuki swallowed, his flushed face darkening further. “I love you too.”

The shiver that followed Katsuki’s statement dwarfed any he’d experienced previously. It felt like his soul was on fire. Eijirou didn’t know how to respond, so he kissed Katsuki again.

“I love you,” he said, pressing his lips to Katsuki’s jaw. “I love you,” he said, kissing Katsuki’s cheek. He continued, saying those three words over and over and peppering kisses all over Katsuki’s face. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Katsuki grinned, happier than Eijirou had ever seen. He could feel Katsuki’s fingers running through his hair at the back of his head. “Fuck, I love you. So fucking much.”

Eijirou pressed their foreheads together.

“Katsuki,” Eijirou said, but not for any particular reason. He just wanted to say Katsuki’s name.

“Eijirou,” Katsuki echoed. “We still have to order food.”

“Oh, right!” Eijirou sat up.”Whaddya want?”

“You.”

Eijirou flushed. “Babe. Er, can I call you that?“

“Fuck, call me whatever you want,” Katsuki said, matching the shade of Eijirou’s face. “Curry?”

“Curry it is!” Eijirou said, climbing off of Katsuki and the sofa and making his way over to the phone to call their usual place. He rattled off their order, maybe a little quicker than usual. Once it was confirmed, he put the phone down and turned to stare at Katsuki.

Katsuki looked back at him. Eijirou didn’t think he’d looked away, and that was just. It was something. Eijirou’s stomach flipped and flopped. Katsuki patted the space next to him on the sofa and Eijirou made his way back over. No sooner had he sat down, than Katsuki’s arm circled his waist and pulled him close. Katsuki buried his face into Eijirou’s shoulder, and Eijirou echoed his hum.

“Wish you’d wised up sooner,” Bakugou said, voice slightly muffled. “Coulda been doing this for fuckin’ ages.”

“Well, we can do it now, and as much as we want,” Eijirou said, twisting to press a kiss into Katsuki’s hair.

“Mm,” Katsuki mumbled, pushing his face down harder. “Wanna post something mushy on social media?”

“Shouldn’t we run it by the PR team, first?” Eijirou asked.

Katsuki looked up at him. “Fuck that. Tell the world you’re in love with me already.“

Eijirou grinned, because he did.

#kiribaku #bakushima #fanfiction #my fanfiction #drabble #? #reply #anon #ask meme #sort of #i swear half the stuff i write is 'and then they smorched on a sofa' #'and ordered takeaway' #hm #this was practically done for DAYS it took me ages to come up with a good ending line #BUT I DID AND IT'S HERE WHOOO #i'm gonna chuck this on AO3 in a bit but i don't have the energy for writing tags atm

[nam-nam-joon]

attempting

Pairing: jungwoo x reader

Genre: university au, fluff

Wordcount: 4.9k

Warnings: a lot of attempted kisses on jungwoo's behalf, platonic relationships with everyone

Summay:

it was a game, really. him leaning in for a kiss, and you dodging him every time.

but really, he never just asked.

The tightening of his hand on your side was the only warning you got before Jungwoo’s face came a little too close and you strained your neck to get your own away from it. He didn’t follow your movement, instead resumed his former, more relaxed position, for which you were grateful.

“Ew, gross.” You commented, wiping the not-happened smooch off your cheek and detangling your bodies from each other before leaving the light brown haired guy. He pouted in your direction as you shimmied in between Jeno and Mark, currently both very busy in spooning their icecreams. Jeno glared at Jungwoo.

“Dude, chill. This is a group-hang-out, keep your flirting to yourself!”

You huffed and took another mouthful of your own ice cream. “This boy couldn’t flirt with anyone if his life depended on it. He’s just a pain.”

A grin spread on your lips as the teasing made Jungwoo’s ears heat up and he jutted out his bottom lip in fake hurt.

“You wound me! I thought we had chemistry!”

“Your mom has chemistry.” Jaehyun commented from shortly behind and Mark snorted in his McFlurry. Jungwoo’s ears were the colour of cherries now, but he laughed along with Mark.

“What movie are we watching anyways?” Johnny piped up from where he was trailing behind Jaehyun and Doyoung, waiting for Taeyong who rose from where he’d just re-tied his shoelaces. The latter took his own ice cream cup from Johnny and then both sped up to merge with the rest of the group.

“Uh…” Jeno dragged out, squinting his eyes at the still too tiny movie posters plastered over the front of the cinema that had appeared at the border of your vision, despite the glasses on his nose.

“Something funny or action-y please, I can’t take another hit like Infinity War or some shit.” You grumbled.

“IW was… like so long ago.” Jungwoo seemed to have recovered from the earlier rejection and sidled up to you once more. That was, he attempted to, but Jeno poked his elbow into Jungwoo’s ribcage, clearly showing he was not willing to give up his own spot besides you just like that. The brunet rubbed his hand over the sore spot but didn’t lose his train of thought.

“And if I remember correctly you weren’t even that much of an emotional wreck, you didn’t cry right? You were just… angry.”

"Anger is an emotion, Woo-woo.” Jeno commented quietly, looking at Jungwoo. He was met with slightly puzzled eyes and an expression the opposite of understanding.

“Good point though, I could make for something exciting, too!” Jaehyun chimed in, underlining your previous statement.

You wrinkled your nose at Jungwoo but swallowed a remark with the last of your icecream, dropping the cup in a nearby bin afterwards. The gap you’d been in previously closed in your absence. Upon rejoining the group your right side was left defenseless when Jungwoo bumped the side of his hip into yours, pushing you into Jeno’s bigger frame who immediately wrapped a protective arm around you to keep you close. You stuck out your tongue, relishing in the slightly miffed expression on the brunet’s face upon the new evolvement of the situation.

You were spared of Jungwoo’s attention during the movie, seated safely between Taeyong and Mark, who were both quick to shut up everyone who might interrupt their film-watching-experience. Only a single piece of popcorn found its way into the salsa sauce accompanying your nachos, expertly thrown in a high arch over the head of an unassuming Taeyong.

You leaned back to make eye-contact with the marksman behind this kill-shot and complimented him on it, earning a confident grin in return.

Jungwoo’s arm slinging itself over your shoulder was enough to make you suspicious. Nevertheless you smiled up at the fellow student who fell into step with you effortlessly.

“Hey Uwu, what’s up.”

He shuddered.

“Never say that again, please. I’m allergic.”

“What, uwu?”

He cringed again, wrinkling his nose, looking unfairly adorable doing so. Not even bothering to attempt to hide it, you laughed out loud, which prompted an exasperated gasp from your current attachment.

“Don’t do that too often, you’ll get the wrinkles stuck on your face.” You only noticed he didn’t look away from your gaze after you were done smoothing down his forehead with your fingers. The soft smile on his face was radiating with happiness, warming you thoroughly.

Seeing your friends happy was more often than not the source of your own increased levels of endorphins.

 Before you could inquire as to why he was being so cheerful today of all days - there was a particularly nasty test coming up around noon - something in his expression changed. It was minimal and you needed a moment too long to decipher it which gave him the advantage of getting way closer to your face than you usually allowed.

“Jungw-oh my god, no!!” You took a generous step sideways, slipping out of Jungwoo’s grasp. He let you, as always, sheepishly grinning while stuffing his now free hand into his pants. His face turned towards the front, like nothing ever happened. Grumbling, you moved back into the spot by his side you had had before.

There was an ease in Jungwoo’s steps, the way he carried his jacket over one arm and had his bag slung over one shoulder.

“What got you so cheery today?” You finally asked, not being able to let the almost outright smugness in the usually so very timid guy, go.

“You.” He answered in the same breath, unabashedly turning his head and looking down on you with a smile that could light up the whole campus. You kept the most neutral, unimpressed expression on your face, only rolling your eyes at the sappy answer on the inside.

It never took long until Jungwoo cracked and admitted to what actually had him in such a great mood. Today, it was because he finally got his car back from his parents after they borrowed it for an extended amount of time while moving places.

“We can finally go stargazing outside the city, like I promised you at the beginning of school!” Jungwoo exclaimed, twirling around to fully face you, holding out his arms in enthusiasm.

“Uh, are we remembering the same thing? I mentioned I liked your NASA shirt and you basically invited yourself into hanging out with Jeno and me, before inviting-out Jeno so it’d just be us two.” You shook your head, one corner of your mouth pulled into a lopsided grin.

Jeno, your self-anointed bigger brother, had not been thrilled by Jungwoo’s sudden intrusion into the previously calm conversation.

Now, the brunet whined and poked your side. “C’mon, I wanna celebrate having my trusty ride back! My DeLorean. My Batmobile. My Tardis-in-disguise. My ride or die. -My baby.”

You look back to him and huffed.

“Fine, you convinced me. Let’s ace the test and go for pizza afterwards.”

Like a switch flipped, the previously euphoric expression slowly faded from his face. You furrowed your eyebrows at him, mildly offended.

“No? No Pizza?”

He completely ignored your last comment, instead continuing to lose all colour in his face.

“Test? We had a test today? Since when??”

 Jungwoo was still a puddle on the floor four hours later, after the test had well passed, and it took the combined effort of Taeyong and you to get him out from under the black cloud hanging over his head.

He looked slightly better once he sat down behind the driver’s seat of his cute VW, even though his eyes were still a little distant.

“Hey.” You said softly, leaning forward to catch his gaze. He looked over briefly, fiddling with the steering wheel.

“You’ll be fine. It’s not even that big part of the grade, if you really did completely fuck it up, you can still do some of the extra work during the rest of the year and smooth out whatever dent you made today.”

He sighed and placed his outstretched arms over the wheel.

“I know. I just- I completely forgot about it. How could I just, forget about it? -I don’t deserve pizza.” Another sigh, and you looked ahead again, sat on your hands.

“I’ll pay. C’mon. I’m hungry, and you know, one of those little lava cakes from Domino’s will get you your good mood back. I’m sure of it.”

He turned his head, expression still droopy and lowballing your stomach. Legitimately upset Jungwoo had an unparalleled stronghold on you like nothing else - not that you’d ever admit that to anyone out loud.

“How sure are you?”

“Like… 80.97% sure.”

You held his eye contact until he looked away and mumbled a defeated “Damnit.”

A grin spread on your face as he put the little car in reverse, guiding it out of the maze that is the student parking lot, and out on the road.

 His mood did brighten tremendously after you insisted to pay once more and gave him both of the little lava cakes. He protested at first, knowing how much you liked them, until he saw you ordered cookies for yourself and finally shut up. You ended up sharing the cookies and having a cake each; Jungwoo offering to carry the boxes with leftovers once you get ready to leave the restaurant.

Your connected hands gently swung back and forth on your walk to the car, parked a few minutes away. After dropping the boxes in the trunk and closing the door, Jungwoo turned to you, one hand still resting on the roof of his car.

“I’m sorry. I can’t draw- draw? Draw. Drive. I can’t- Stop laughing, this is serious!”

You did your best to rein in the laughter that bubbled up after he’d slipped, pressing the knuckles of your fist against your lips in anticipation for whatever news he had to break to you. Jungwoo took a moment of staring into the distance before his eyes landed on you again. He opened his mouth, the corners twitching already, and you lost it once more.

“Ahem.” You cleared your throat and demonstratively furrowed your eyebrows.

“As- I was saying; I’m sorry. But I can’t drive you home right now.” He came closer, placing both his hands on your sides, tilting his head forward.

“Hmm,” You played along, linking your hands behind his neck and looking over his left shoulder. “I wonder, why is that?”

The brunet made a show of attempting to say something before stopping, rethinking it once more, before, finally, licking over his lips and deepening the stare into your eyes.

“I- God it’s so hard to say it, but… I simply… I ate too much. I can’t move one bit. So I can’t drive. I’m sorry. Looks like we’ll be stuck here, in this beautiful-” His brown eyes swept to the side, over the dumpsters and the shabby walls where the paint peeled off, the traffic sign that was so bleached by the sun it was almost entirely white. The unidentifiable pile of something a few meters away that could be garbage, puke or a dead animal. “-this beautiful place.”

You quietly raised your eyebrows, playing with the tiny tip of his hair at the nape of his neck.

“Well,” And now it was your time to lean forward, closer to him. Maybe it was the sun painting a blush across his cheeks, maybe wasn’t. “Lucky for you, I am a very able and, dare I say- great driver? So I will happily be your Chauffeur for the evening, Mr. Kim.”

Two fingers fished the keys out of his pant’s right front pocket and you slipped faster into the driver’s seat than Jungwoo could defrost his legs after you had reached into his pants.

After another heartbeat he begrudgingly joined you in his car, tensing every time you cranked the stick shift a little too unforgiving, touched your foot down on the gas a little too enthusiastically.

The city grew smaller behind you as you approached the outskirts of town, where you and, a little further out, he, lived. The sun was notably setting earlier each day.

Jungwoo’s hands tensed around each other as you momentarily looked away from the road, with one hand reaching over his lap to the small cupboard hiding behind the panel above his knees. You vaguely remembered a pair of shades in there, your fingers finding them quicker than the owner of the car could ask just what the hell you were looking for. After shaking them open and propping them on your nose you gave his baffled face a victorious grin.

"Ayyy who’s the most badass on the block now, eh?”

He laughed and bit down on his pointer finger as he looked out the passenger side of the car, but you could tell when his eyes came straying back to latch on to you.

The sun was golden, the leaves on the trees lining the street red and orange and yellow in an early greeting of autumn.

You could hear your phone ping with a new message as Jungwoo clicked his own shut and dropped it back between his legs on the seat.

 “You know, if you’d tell him to shut the fuck up he’d probably leave you alone with his attempts at kissing you or all that physical affection stuff.” Jeno took his bubble tea back from out of your hands, and you stuffed them into the kangaroo pocket of the oversized hoodie you were sporting.

“Maybe I don’t want to tell him to stop.” You avoided Jeno’s caring, dark eyes, as he sipped on the tea. “Once you tell people to shut up, a part of their soul dies. At least for you.”

He continued to look at you, you could tell, but you were too stubborn to lift your view from the cracked cement tiles that made up the sidewalk.

“Maybe I like having his attention. Maybe I like the idea of the possibility of being normal.” Your voice died down towards the end.

“Hey.” Jeno’s voice was soft, the hand that fell on your shoulder gentle. “You are normal. Okay? I, as your big brother, am telling you right now. You are normal. There is nothing weird or alien about you or your orientation. Okay?”

Jeno tries, he really does, you thought as you watched him with a tilted head. A moment longer in which you tested his unwavering gaze before giving in and nodding, accepting the hug he offered.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- My words were garbage. I’m an idiot. This is why I’m failing my language tests.”

You huffed out a laugh into his chest and playfully smacked his arm.

“You are an idiot, I agree on that. But I’ll give you another chance at voicing your thoughts a little more articulate.”

He let you pluck the drink out of his hand and take another sip, looking at him expectedly.

“Okay, what I meant was; Jungwoo? He’s a lost cause. Absolute crackhead. Totally hopeless. But I really enjoy watching you two interact. It’s cute how he always tries his latest pick-up lines on you. And I must say, you? Shutting him down every time without doing literally anything? An art. You’re an artist. And I respect, and possibly, fear, your resting bitch face - that’s a absolute unit and a force to be reckoned with. And believe me, I’m not saying you’re not capable of defending yourself in- any case. But if you ever grow tired of Jungwoo’s flirting, and want him to stop, but he doesn’t- just tell Taeyong, or Mark, or me, or anyone of us, and we’ll take of it. Okay? I’m taking my job as your bro very seriously.”

He puffed out his chest for show and you chuckled, but his expression didn’t lose its serious undertone.

“Thank you, I am delighted at your praise.” You raised your eyebrows at him, attempting a fake-eloquent english regal person’s expression. “But really, that with Jungwoo is just banter. I don’t know where you guys all read your guide on flirting, but if you think that is flirting, then what Haechan does with our tutor is like, 10th base or something.”

Referring to the eagerness of said fellow student to aide the tutor of the Math course that basically only existed so anyone who needed to study it and understood shit all in previous schools could catch up, you slurped up some of the coconut jellies. Jeno let out a sound of protest at the action and resolutely took his cup back.

“Besides. You agree with me when I say Jung-uwu is all bark and no bite, right?” At that, Jeno laughed.

“Yes, totally. He’d probably melt into a puddle of despair if someone were to actually, you know, flirt-flirt with him.” He paused, to have a moment where the image sunk into both your heads. Without a word said, your eyes found each other again, a similar expression of uneasiness mixed with laughter on your faces.

“Let’s not think about dear KJ at the mercy of a lapdancer, shall we?” The black haired male said, then, a serious expression that shifted into a face splitting grin right after the words left his mouth. You voiced your agreement in a similarly serious manner before laughing about the ridiculousness of the scenario.

 “What if he’s actually really smooth though?” You continued, a finger on your lips, but the tension from before had dissolved. Jeno gave you a side-eye before buying into the speculation, and you continued to wager the arguments about any of Jungwoo’s possible, hidden mannerisms.

Nonetheless you observed Jungwoo’s actions a little closer of the next weeks.

He continued his attempts, as always, and it only added to you thinking of it as a big game of his, nothing that had actual intent behind it.

He knew you knew he was trying to land a smooch, and you knew he knew you were going to deflect. It was a dangerous game you were playing, but the thrill - at least on his side - seemed to be worth it.

Winter had come by now, yet the campus was cozy warm inside.

You met up in the library one sun-flooded afternoon, to study for the last test of the season before winter break and the new year would reset the clock on that.

Jungwoo had already secured your favourite table, right by the window overlooking the nearby park and the local lake, dubbed duck pond. The sun was filtering directly through the glass, and in an attempt to lessen the impact of the heat, the brunet had stripped off his clothing, peeled off the numerous layers until all that was remaining was a loose t shirt. His hand, supporting his head, was clamped over the junction of neck and shoulder on his right side, where his shirt had slipped aside and exposed his collar bone; his left hand busy holding up the corner of a page his eyes were scanning over.

“Heyo.” You greeted him, dropping your bag and mix of winter accessories on the unoccupied half of the table. Jungwoo looked up, and by the unfocused gaze you could tell he was still halfway going through the material in his book before he blinked and a smile lit up his face.

“Hello! Please, have a seat. Have a cookie. Make yourself at home.”

You gasped, touching a hand over your heart and batting your eyelashes demurely at the gentleman seated next to you.

“My, what a royal welcome! Ok, what do we really need to work on with you today?”

He bit off half of a biscuit that he had treated himself to, holding it between his teeth while humming and skipping through the pages closer to the window.

“Here’s- a list I made.”

The sun sped across the sky, similar to your pen and highlighter gliding over paper.

As it closed in on five, the sun dipping Jungwoo’s hair in a pretty shade of orange, you furrowed your eyebrows at one of the pages in your own notebook.

“Hey, Woo, can you take a look at this?”

“Mhm?” He had another biscuit in his mouth but placed down his folder, sliding into the chair next to yours to get a better look.

“So, this one. I think I copied it wrong - the equation doesn’t add up, does it? Can you- Do you know where I went wrong?”

“You went wrong in not following my lead.” Was the first thing coming out of his mouth after he had swallowed his cookie and you groaned. He licked his lips and grinned, apparently feeling something akin to satisfaction at your reaction.

Jungwoo suddenly leaned forward, and on impulse rather than conscious decision based on past experiences, you leaned back, avoiding contact once more. He laughed after seeing the perplexed expression on your face at the sudden, uncontrolled reaction.

The talk with Jeno, speculating about whether or not Jungwoo actually had something to back up his endless compliments and daring talks, filtered back into your head.

It was half expected when he froze as you turned the stick around and leaned in, yourself, maybe a little closer than he did.

“You wanna kiss me soo badly, don’t you…” A quick glance around the library proved the area you were sat in currently deserted. Deciding to lay it thick, you bit your lower lip, letting your gaze flicker up from his lips to his eyes. “C’mon, do it.”

You were so close, you felt when your breath touched his face. An agonizingly long moment neither of you moved. Then you leaned back, poorly attempting to hide the grin spreading on your face at the utterly stunned look on his face.

“Don’t tease me.” You whispered, and it visibly shook him. He averted his eyes and ducked his head away until you knocked your shoulder with his.

He looked back, somehow still very much resembling a deer caught in the headlights.

“So? What about this equation?”

“The-? Oh. Yeah. Uh, um. S-so, you…” He trailed off, looking back and forth between his notes and your own, trying to figure out where the mistake had slipped into your writing. You could almost see the beads of sweat roll down his forehead, similar to a cartoon character.

 He was still giving you looks when you exited the quiet space of learning later on, once more bundled up against the cold that made the duck pond freeze over a few days ago.

“Aw c’mon,” You pouted, as you caught him looking away once more, his ears still considerably much redder than the rest of his face. “Are you still upset about me making an advance on you, for a change?”

He grumbled something into his scarf before meeting your eyes again.

“You’re supposed to flinch away! I- I didn’t plan for you to ever-” He stopped himself and jutted out his bottom lip. You laughed.

“Okay, I promise, I won’t tease you again. I need you functioning for my test, I can’t close the year with a bad grade.”

He latched onto the change of subject, falling into step with you literally and metaphorically.

“You won’t even know what grade it’ll be until next year.”

“Yeah but- It’s the feeling, you know?” You lifted your hands to emphasize your words under Jungwoo’s laughing eyes. “I’d like to finish on a high note. And you, Mr. You-won’t-know-your-grade-until-next-year, the God of Studies knows you could use a good grade, too.”

Referencing the completely messed up test from months ago had the brunet groaning and dropping his head on your shoulder.

“Whyyyy did you have to remind me of that… that absolute disgrace of a wasted hour of my life.”

“Because I can’t stroke your ego all the time, Woo-woo; Sometimes you need to be brought back down to reality, too.”

He lifted his head to shot you a hurt look.

“I don’t like the words coming out of your mouth right now very much. I’ll pretend you haven’t said anything.”

 You both took the subway home because the front window of his trusty little car had been too frosted over this morning to get it scraped clean in the few minutes your friend had had left after oversleeping.

You looped a facemask over your ears before boarding the train, having battled a cough in the last days.

To your unfortunate luck you caught one of the first trains of rush hour, and soon enough your back ended up pressed flat against one of the separation walls, your bag held in front of you, with Jungwoo and his legs to either side of yours and holding on to a bar over your head with one hand. He sighed as another wave of people pressed into the decidedly too tiny compartment and forced him to minimally shuffle forward, further invading your personal space. Not that it mattered.

For a station, he rested his head on your shoulder while you absentmindedly scrolled through twitter. Once more the doors closed and the train jostled into movement.

“Hey.” Jungwoo breathed, and you turned your head. He was right in front of your face, noses a finger-width apart, and now he was the one biting his bottom lip. He wiggled his eyebrows and you looked away, laughing under your mask.

Without warning gravity increased as the train lurched to an unscheduled stop in the middle of the tunnel, the windows showing nothing but darkness. Vaguely you registered Jungwoo was now a lot closer than before, his elbow meeting with the plastic glass next to your head in what must have been a painful thud. For a moment you stared into each other’s eyes.

Then you closed the tiny gap and pressed your fabric covered lips on his for the fracture of a second, breaking away laughing right after. Jungwoo’s face displayed nothing but shock, for the second time today.

His eyes were wide as marbles and his mouth left agape. His ears were burning again but you only caught a glimpse of them before he buried his face in your shoulder, where your scarf spilled over your coat.

The crowd surrounding you thinned out at the next station which gave him room to breathe and seperate himself from you.

He leaned his back against the bar next to the plastic glass that you’re resting against, a hand covering his mouth.

“Space control to planet Jungwoo? Do you copy?” You asked, barely able to contain the chuckle. He shot you a glare, half exasperated and half annoyed.

“I- I told you not to-”

“Hey, I didn’t tease.” You lifted your hands in defense.

“This- No! This is not how this works.” He stared at you for a moment before turning his head the other direction. Heartbeats later he looked back, as if to check you were still there, only to avert his eyes again, flustered.

 “Did you ever plan on actually kissing me?” You asked after following him when he found two free seats.

The moment your eyes met didn’t last long.

“I don’t know. I never thought this far.” He huffed out a small sigh before turning his head and finally looking at you for longer. “I didn’t have the impression you ever wanted me to.”

“Well… If you ever need someone to platonically make out with, I guess I wouldn’t mind if you asked me.”

He swallowed and nodded, busying himself in looking down at his knees.

“What about now?” His eyes were a bit slower in leaving his legs than he turned his head towards you. You lifted an eyebrow.

“I’m sick right now. I doubt it’d be worth catching a cold over a kiss.”

“What if I don’t care?” His voice was quiet, the usual playfulness gone from his expression. Both of his hands were pressed flat between his knees.

“I don’t know. Then it would be very irresponsible for allowing myself in getting my friend sick, no?”

He bit down on his lips, sighing.

“Okay, let me phrase that differently. Can I please kiss you?”

“Yes of course, Jungwoo.”

He was very careful in taking the mask off your face, curling one hand around your jaw and then leaning forward.

The kiss was very much like him; Soft, easy, sweet. Lips molding to yours in and ease you'd missed for monthsof not receiving any of this kind if attention. You broke away after a moment, foreheads touching, and smiling.

“And? Feeling the sickness yet?”

“I think I can risk one more.” The words he uttered were in such an unfamiliar low pitch it almost sounded strange.

The second kiss was similar, testing, inching forward. Until he tilted his head more and added pressure, until you felt his teeth nibbling on your bottom lip, until the tip of his tongue flickered over the spot his teeth had been at seconds before.

This time it was him leaning back, his dark eyes only leaving your mouth after a few short breaths. When a grin broke out over his face you knew you were good.

He was downright giddy, smiling at you with such pride in himself it was difficult to keep your own composure.

“You’re cute, you know that?” You shook your head, feeling his hand tightening around yours.

“You’re cuter. All flustered and bothered.” At that your eyes were quick to jump back to his face, offense written all over yours.

“Me? Flustered? Excuse you but have you-”

He dropped his head on your shoulder before you could finish, quelling the exclaim in its sapling state.

“-I can’t believe I fell for that tease. You’re a little shit, you know that?”

Jungwoo only giggled, snuggling closer.

author's note:

inspired by Jungwoo's countless (haha) attempts at kissing the other members, and on this blurb written by @zerojisung - thanks for letting me use it!

if you enjoyed this, consider leaving a comment + making my day ^-^

#jungwoo fluff #jungwoo scenarios #nct scenarios #jungwoo x reader #jungwoo/reader #nct 127 scenarios #jungwoo au #university au #nct au #nct 127 fic #jungwoo imagines #nct fic #nct fluff #small bit pining if you squint #nct fics #nct fanfiction #nct x reader #kim jungwoo x reader #kim jungwoo/reader #jungwoo x aromantic!reader #jungwoo x asexual!reader #aromantic reader #asexual reader #aro-ace reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral pronouns #platonic love #big brother!jeno #platonic kisses #platonic making out

[apparelvon]

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[isroselalondebisexual]

What do you think Jade Lalonde, Rose Harley, and Dave Egbert would be like? I've already seen some analysis on John Strider so i don't wanna force you into rehasing anything ^^;

Jade Lalonde, my girl Jade raised by a Permissive parent, probably wouldn’t look toooooooo terribly different from canon Jade. Her interests are well financed, and she’s a good self-motivator, which is probably good because showing off her achievements to a drunken parent isn’t going to get the same response as a coherent parent. Of course, Mom is super proud of her brilliant daughter, and of COURSE she loves her super duper dearly and thinks Jade is the most intelligent girl alive, but it can get a little frustrating for Jade to explain her interests, and then ten minutes later realize her mom hasn’t retained a word. This Jade’s gonna be more acclimated to frustration and broken expectations, which is gonna manifest itself in two ways. She’s not gonna respond much at all when she’s disappointed, sometimes by really major things that she SHOULD get pissed off about, or she’s going to blow the fuck up over seemingly minor shit that most people would be able to brush off. But it’s more about the principle of the thing than the actual expectation that got broken, y’know? Probably gonna be sneakier than canon Jade, able to manipulate the situation to get her mom to actually DO stuff she needs her to, whether that be through passive aggression or batting her eyelids or setting up a situation so her mom “conveniently” will be reminded of certain things, and that’s gonna carry over into her other relationships as well, entirely unintentionally at first, that’s just sorta how she’s used to operating. Her role, then, as the Witch of Light, combined with that naturally honed ability to manipulate the situation with intelligence and a calculated amount of luck, is going to be one that comes naturally to her, and she’s going to be a HELLRAISER. She’s going to be UNPARALLELED. There will be no imp nor ogre nor time travelling demon who spits destruction from his maw that will be able to stand against her. She’s here, she’s brilliant, and she and her friends will be catching no unlucky breaks because she is the one whose will Luck bends to.

Rose Harley, raised by a dog and some chess people, alone on an island. Probably gets pretty entrenched in her know it all bossy phase pretty quick, but is less sure of herself. Doesn’t get a lot of positive feedback aside from her dog and some chess people who she’s pretty sure she’s smarter than, but that makes human interaction even harder for her, and she’s never really been good at interpersonal stuff to begin with. Lots of false confidence, I think, but suffers from impostor syndrome pretty badly. She WANTS to belong in the group, she really really wants to be involved and included and someone who BELONGS there, but can’t shake the nagging feeling that everyone else is a regular human being and she’s. Weird. And not in a good way. Gonna be more anxious than her canon counterpart, I think. Her favorite books she’s read 1000 times over and she’s got SUPER in-depth thoughts and analysis for the stuff she takes interest in, a very very brilliant girl who is never sure when “sharing” becomes “oversharing” and when “odd in a fun way” becomes “Rose that’s creepy.” Her role as the Seer of Space goes along well with being awake on Prospit prior to the Game even starting, as she has dealt with visions of the future all her life. Unfortunately, since space is all-encompassing, she’s not seeing what is fortuitous, or what WILL happen, or even what SHOULD happen, she’s seeing what happens in pretty much any timeline anywhere and it’s her task to sit down, think about what she’s Seen, and parse together whether they should or shouldn’t take that path. Her honed analytical skills will be pushed to their limits and brought to task over and over again, but through her smarts and what she has Foreseen, she is able to direct their group and conduct them in such a way that the new universe is spawned and they are able to win. The fact that she is SO CRUCIAL to their success helps her feel more like part of the group, but presents a NEW problem of wondering if maybe now they’re just pretending to be interested in her for her abilities. Her big hurdle is allowing herself to see that she is loved and wanted, and she truly does belong with them.

Dave Egbert is a kinda nerdy dude, he takes his camera with him everywhere and is always taking selfies or posting stuff to his instagram and did you hear? I heard someone say he has a collection of like, roadkill or something. Dave absolutely has a collection of dead shit. Also cicada shells that show up on the trees and bushes, because hey man cicada shells are cool. He’s super into his dumb nerd shit like video games and even reads that dumb gamebro magazine that he damn well KNOWS is dumb but he likes it and he’s not embarrassed about his interests! He knows the stuff he likes isn’t cool and doesn’t try to pass it off as cool, he just enjoys himself and fuck the haters. He ADORES his dad, was definitely one of those kids that began crying the MOMENT his dad dropped him off at daycare or smth, very attached but also complains about him sometimes, because kids complain about their parents, especially since Dad Egbert is the type of dude to walk up in front of his kid’s friends and use the embarrassing toddler nicknames like “sport” or “squirt” or smth and Dave’s friends are like “lmao your dad actually calls you ‘sport’ I thought that only happened in movies” and Dad also has like, a wallet full of Dave’s pictures and Dave is just like “daaaaaad” but also heck yes he was an ADORABLE baby so he sorta thrives off the attention. Has the biggest, dumbest crush on John imaginable. Dad found out Dave was queer not because Dave came out, but because Dave is just SO OBVIOUS about his stupid giant big dumb crush on John and Dad just sorta… quietly accepted this about his son and tries to be a good parent however he can. He’s not the most well-educated about queer stuff but he always tries his best to be respectful and that goes doubly now that he knows his kid isn’t straight. Dave having a supportive parent is a very good concept and one I am wholly behind in literally every way. His role as Knight of Breath is the defender of freedom, which probably means he must first liberate his consorts from his denizen, and then has to go a step further to protect his friends, probably from their own neuroses. Jade thinks she has to leap through all these mental hoops, but she doesn’t, Rose thinks she has to PROVE her worth, that she’s valuable, but Dave would love his sister even if she couldn’t do anything for them, John has been trapped in this toxically masculine, angry place for years and Dave can help him out of there, help him find peace and acceptance even within himself, Dave can pry back the dark gunk that’s been coating John’s soul and let him breathe freely, possibly for the first time in his life.

John Strider, we’ve touched on so I’ll just go over briefly here, but I like to keep these asks done in sets and now that I’ve set a pattern I’m not breaking it. John would end up one of those nasty, nasty, angry bullies. Bro is toxic, abusive, hypermasculine, and unpredictable, which means John winds up angry, lashing out, and hypermasculine as well. He goes way too far, way too often, and doesn’t apologize, total jock stereotype from oldtimey movies and shit, strong and athletic and attractive and just plain mean. Acts like he’s hot shit because whenever he’s at home he’s painfully reminded that he is small, and weak, and can’t actually do anything. Dave is his bro and he likes him plenty but he makes a lot of mean spirited gay jokes to start, probably as a cover for his own identity crisis that he has buried so deep deep down inside him you’re gonna need a shovel to unbury that shit, and is oblivious to Dave’s crush on him. Has a soft spot for Jade, who is kinda the only person who can get John to talk about his feelings frankly and honestly, and probably has a crush on Rose because he thinks that that’s what he’s supposed to do. She’s a girl, she’s his friend, that’s how heterosexuality works, right? His role as Heir of Time, I’m afraid, would be a deeply unpleasant one. What would likely happen is he directs the alpha timeline by having his offshoot timeline selves merge with his alpha self, like what Rose did from Davesprite’s timeline back in canon. But instead of just, like, ONE offshoot timeline self merging with the whole, it’s every single dead John. Every single time his friends die, he dies, every time something goes wrong, he gets to Experience that. He gets to have those memories seared into his brain, one with himself, one with every timeline that has ever existed, and it only further cements his belief that life is cruel, and uncaring, and doesn’t give a single solitary shit about him, or his loved ones, because he does love them. He’s broken inside, all warped and twisted wrong, but he does love them. It is only, and I do mean ONLY, once he and Dave manage to have their heart-to-heart, once John allows Dave in, that John is able to slowly pry out of the dark and hurting place that has stifled his soul for so long. Not to be stupidly, ridiculously cliche, but it is love that frees him, and the love between the two of them that helps him heal. John Strider and Dave Egbert would be a nigh-inevitable otp like that’s just the way this AU would work out my dudes.

*sticks m leggy out* I love getting long winded and these are fun, please share your thoughts with me my dudes. 

#Rose Lalonde #John Egbert #Dave Strider #Jade Harley #John Strider #Rose Harley #Dave Egbert #Jade Lalonde #Homestuck #kidswap #answers #John #Dave #Jade

[bluesmemethings]

One of the Greats starters

❛  So many trials and tribulations have brought me to this point.  ❜

❛  I did countless hour specials where I looked like a damn fool.  ❜

❛  Ladies, who’s a whore ? We all are, we just need to own it !  ❜

❛  I’m ugly but I’m a whore.  ❜

❛  I’m an ugly whore, I don’t care.  ❜

❛  Sometimes I feel like everybody trippin’ but me !  ❜

❛  It’s go time !  ❜

❛  I’m still tired and I got 12 hours of sleep last night. I’m still tired.  ❜

❛  Who’s sleepy ? I am.  ❜

❛  In all seriousness though, who cares about anything ?  ❜

❛  We’ll all be dead soon.  ❜

❛  Did you fuck my wife ?  ❜

❛  An icon within an already iconic city, so it’s like a double whammy of iconography !  ❜

❛  This is interesting. This is interesting.  ❜

❛  It’s hitting my eye a little like ‘ ow ! ’   ❜

❛  But that wasn’t all, I also had to do a sound check.  ❜

❛  All that was left was for me to hit my knees and pray to god, to thank him for all the humility he bestowed upon.  ❜

❛  I guess you could say I’m a direct vessel of God.  ❜

❛  I’m like a loaded weapon, and my brain is the bullet.  ❜

❛  Do not approach the stage with gifts.  ❜

❛  I’m also a huge fan of my work.  ❜

❛  I am one of the Greats.  ❜

❛  You’re a clown.  ❜

❛  Looks like this comedian’s probably gonna be telling it like it is.  ❜

❛  I don’t know, I just wish I was someone else.  ❜

❛  I wish I was a guy. I just want to feel what it feels like to have male confidence.  ❜

❛  My fantasy of what it’s like to be a guy is you just wake up in the morning and your eyes open and you’re like ‘ I’M AWESOME ! People probably wanna hear what I have to say ! ’  ❜

❛  I’m probably gonna do something great today !  ❜

❛  I’m always just so blown away by their creativity.  ❜

❛  And that’s my take on a classic.  ❜

❛  I hate small talk. I hate getting to know people.  ❜

❛  If I’m making a new friend, I just want to already be best friends.  ❜

❛  Oh where abouts do ya hail from ?  ❜

❛  I need answers !  ❜

❛  Oh ! you guys were a cat family ? we were a dog family !  ❜

❛  Oh my god ! You still exist !  ❜

❛  We should do lunch ! You know, that thing that people who hate each other do.  ❜

❛  We should rent a car and drive up the coast !  ❜

❛  Let’s buy some lumber and learn how to build.  ❜

❛  I just want to get to know you through task-based projects.  ❜

❛  I’ll hug my lover while he’s inside me. For the duration.  ❜

❛  I’m not a big stranger hugger. I don’t really want your sweaty armpits on top of my shoulders.  ❜

❛  I’ve already hugged someone today, thank you.  ❜

❛  I fucking hate parties.  ❜

❛  Is that too reductive ?  ❜

❛  How much money does everyone make ?  ❜

❛  Who’s adopted ? Let’s find your parents.  ❜

❛  Why not go big ? Why not walk into the party just dragging a dead dog ?  ❜

❛  That will get lips a flappin’ !  ❜

❛  Who is that girl ? How’d she get in here ? How’d the dog die ? Why’s she wearing a cape ?  ❜

❛  I just got a dog.  ❜

❛  I feel like people who rescue dogs are very mouthy about it.  ❜

❛  He would’ve been dead in a ditch ! Then I came along. I’m his savior.  ❜

❛  I feel like you’re kind of taking advantage of the fact that your pet can’t talk.  ❜

❛  I wish I could text my dog.  ❜

❛  It is so irritating to me that I can text everyone in my life that I love except my dog.  ❜

❛  What are you doing little cutie ?  ❜

❛  Sniff peoples butts !  ❜

❛  Dude, that’s more your thing, that’s not something I do.  ❜

❛  Oh, sorry ! I can’t read your mind at all times ! I’m just trying to help out.  ❜

❛  You’re looking at my life through the prism of your own experience ! that’s like fucked up.  ❜

❛  Try to go outside, it’s so fucking cool out there !  ❜

❛  There is shit you can see that no one else can see (name).  ❜

❛  Dude, fuck you !  ❜

❛  We trained him to always sit but on the fifteenth command. I think he’s able to count it out in his head.  ❜

❛  Yes, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.  ❜

❛  You learn a lot about people from how they are with their dogs.  ❜

❛  Please reconsider all your friendships, that’s not what friendly looks like !  ❜

❛  I’m so insecure I will just start to accept whatever they say.  ❜

❛  I once was on the freeway and I saw an old man driving on the shoulder of the road, but he was going like 80 miles per hour and driving so confidently that I was just like ‘ that’s a lane ! ’  ❜

❛  Have you been crying ?  ❜

❛  I’m hot, this is my world.  ❜

❛  One year, as a child, for Halloween I was an old man.  ❜

❛  Let’s do this ! I am the shit !  ❜

❛  Super hot girls don’t understand regular girl’s lives.  ❜

❛  Alright well I haven’t heard from him in five months.  ❜

❛  Thanks for the hot tip.  ❜

❛  I’m just saying when I get super dolled up the best I can hope for is someone thinking ‘ oh, maybe she’s a philanthropist ! ’  ❜

❛  You don’t have to do this.  ❜ 

❛  You don’t have to turn yourself into a punchline.  ❜

❛  You don’t have to turn all of your feeling into jokes.  ❜

❛  That’s cool, you’re beautiful, great.  ❜

❛  I’m always just so floored by their realness.  ❜

❛  It’s so inspiring, to be so vulnerable with society.  ❜

❛  Some brave women are mustering up all their courage and they will post a photo onto the internet in which they are wearing no makeup whatsoever.  ❜

❛  Your bravery is unparalleled !  ❜

❛  Please check your DMs.  ❜

❛  Partial credit.  ❜

❛  It’s a thirst trap, it’s a trick.  ❜

❛  I actually think you look better without makeup.  ❜

❛  Thank you, thank you. mission accomplished, thank you.  ❜

❛  If you really want to piss off a like a model-hot girl, just go into her social media and find a photo where she just looks smoking hot and you’re just a regular girl, go into her comments and be like ‘ people say I look just like you ! ’  ❜

❛  You know that women botox their armpits ?  ❜

❛  Because why would you, you know, as a human ?  ❜

❛  Is that a good trade ? Kind of a deal with the devil.  ❜

❛  She is so fucking hot. Her armpits are bone-fucking-dry ! just like I always dreamed of !  ❜

❛  I’m so drawn to you but I can’t get near you.  ❜

❛  This is a whole new kind of juicy booty !  ❜

❛  He’s a surfer. That’s his profession.  ❜

❛  Why just because you go onto the ocean on a thingy do you have a dialect ?  ❜

❛  I don’t know, I’m old !  ❜

❛  Huh. My god. I haven’t been here in 128 years. Ain’t nothing changed. My god.  ❜

❛  Do you think it’s worse to wear a fedora or kill 15 people ? be honest.  ❜

❛  When you guys stomp, do your balls wiggle ?  ❜

❛  Why not just unzip your pants, pull your balls out and walk around town banging pots and pans. That’s a DIY motorcycle.  ❜

❛  I’ve sat next to multiple guys in Daniel Day-Lewis movies where they’re just crying silently the whole time.  ❜

❛  It’s like I’m watching a poem for men.  ❜

❛  What if I was that masculine ? What if I had greasy black hair and was incoherent.  ❜

#ask starters #inbox starters #rp starters

[youthindecline]

New comics from Small Press Expo 2017

It’s been a while since I did one of these, but wanted to get back into the habit of sharing my favorite books and new discoveries at cons. As most of you know, Youth in Decline took a hiatus for a lot of 2017 to welcome our daughter into the world.  SPX is a fitting “first show back” as the setting and vibe feels like a high school reunion, packed full of our favorite cartoonists, old friends, and longtime readers. Here is me doing brief, quick, hot(?) takes on most of the new books I grabbed at the show.

Sex Fantasy by Sophia Foster-Dimino.  Sophia’s one of the best contemporary cartoonists working, and this chunky tome collects her multi-year series of mins into one thoughtful book. You can see Sophia working out cartooning decisions over the course of each book, with dialogue / camera / perspective experiments everywhere. The final two chapters haven’t been seen before. Just an incredible, amazing book from Koyama Press.

New things from my alltime favorite cartoonist (hands down), Michael DeForge. A new mini called Loose in his series of sketchbooks, and a massive, oversized new story from Koyama Press called Placeholders. It’s hard to even talk about Michael’s work, it’s so good.  Michael is an incredible writer, and the drawings (where, let’s be real, he can basically draw any & everything) exist to support the writing.  Special shoutout to the early YD logo sketch that made it into Placeholders as an evil startup / corporation, haha 

Two fantastic minis from my SPX tablemate, the incredible Lauren Weinstein.  Both of these comics, Normel Person and Perfect Maine Vacation, were nominated for Ignatz Awards and show the incredible and personal power of Lauren’s cartooning. Perfect Maine Vacation is gutwrenching (in a sweet way that kills me as a new parent) and Normel Person is a hilarious ongoing journal of life in Trump’s Amerika.  Did you hear that Lauren is doing a new comic for Youth in Decline for Frontier next year?  Dude, I know!!!!! (so beyond excited).

Ethan Rilly released the 5th issue of his fantastic series Pope Hats.  Ethan’s sense of his own characters and the knack for small moments and relatable, too real dialogue between friends really shines here. Pope Hats is such a dense and well-appointed serial drama, I’m a huge fan.

Everywhere Disappeared by Patrick Kyle.  Patrick’s new collection of short stories from Koyama Press.  A lot of my favorites from the last few years made it into the book.  Patrick mixes familiar shapes with hyper-present narration that does this weird trick on your brain and unfolds weird contemporary paranoias and ennui. Patrick’s short comics are almost like little polemics, or allegories... upsetting but also hilarious.

I’m Not Here by GG.  Another debut from Koyama Press -- Annie had an unparalleled and unprecedented SPX lineup, I’ve never really seen anything ever before at a show, the r a w  p o w e r of her team.  GG debuts her first long-form narrative, a quiet, slow burn of a story about identity and navigating the transition from un-responsible young adult to the burden of your own parents’ failings (health, decision-making, etc). Very restrained, withholding, and poetic. 

Language Barrier by Hannah K. Lee.  I LOVE THE SHAPE OF THIS BOOK. Both like, literally its formal size (small!) and the flow and design of the book. Included in one tome are Hannah’s incredible type experiments, her comics, her illustrations, and her personal stories. This feels like a true monograph, showing me the many sides and numerous formats of expression from an incredible artist. I loved this book.

Baby Let’s Cruise and We’re Together Now by Jasjyot Singh Hans. I’ve been a fan of Jasjyot’s stuff for a while and following his work on Instagram -- these two minis really brought together a lot of interssting threads. Baby Let’s Cruise is the size & form of an iPhone 7 Plus, and captures the furtive feeling of messaging with someone you don’t know, and navigating the power dynamic anxiously.  We’re Together Now uses an arch-metaphor to capture the earnest passion & paranoiac worry of a long distance relationship.  I’m really excited about what Jasjyot is doing (and will do next). 

The Look Book by Jeremy Sorese. A colorful, exploding collection of imagined (and observed) fashion and bodies and cute men. Jeremy depicts people with a weighty, playful, totally wild eye.  I stared at each drawing for 5 minutes, digging into all the little details.  Really loving the illustration and play Jeremy is doing between his longer works, so exciting to daydream about these outfits.

Starfighter Vol. 4 by HamletMachine!~  100% NOT s FOR w, the latest volume of my friend HM’s ongoing space sex opera is now out. I absolutely love Hamlet’s depictions of bodies, of tension between people -- she has an incredible skill for composition and the gnarly beautiful dance of bodies interacting.  HM has cultivated an incredible fanbase stayed true to her vision and worldbuilding. <3

Daises by Bjorn Daniel Miner.  A short collection of comics by Bjorn, created, conceived of, and produced on Risograph as part of his residency at SVA’s Risolab. Each spread is full of wild textures and color experimentation, pushing the risograph to ends I didn’t think were really possible. Melts your eyeballs, very nice!

A Modest Upbringing by Amanda Castillo.  A touching short story about families (and their pain + baggage) from an exciting young talent. Printed on Youth in Decline’s risograph this past summer as part of an internship helping us out!  <3

Summer Wasting and Sunset Lover by Sunmi.  Two minis -- one huge, one small -- from our friend and former intern Sunmi.  Summer Wasting includes a number of observational comics, sketches & poems, and a really thoughtful book design with little asides bound directly into the body of the comic.  Really exciting watching her work change and mature over the past few years, and so excited about her new press, Dandelion Wine Collective.  <3

Kissing, Waves, and I Can Love You Better From Up Here by Rebecca Kirby (aka reweki).  I somehow wasn’t familiar with Rebecca’s work before this SPX, but was really taken with her composition and use of color.  Her panel structures and experimentation in Waves reminded me a bit of Jesse Balmer and other controlled psychedelic pieces, while the bodies in Kissing and ICLYBFUH both showed an extremely confident and fluid sense of bodies (and color). Kissing was extremely NSFW and rad, while her short musing about a lost pet made me tear up a little. Great work from a creator I’m now following closely.

Drag Race Lookbook by Sasha Velour. Okay, so I didn’t get this at Small Press Expo but it was waiting for me when I got home. A lovely and thoughtfully designed book from the one & only... Sasha Velour!  Such a great recap and reliving of her incredible looks from RPDR, and the commentary at the back is the sort of thing I live for...  Who doesn’t adore Sasha? I have sweet but embarrassing memories of our second-ever proper meeting hungover at MoCCA a few years back as tablemates...  such a vibrant and incredible creator!!! ah

The Spectacularly Sad Surreptitious Spinster Snake Sister: Survival Spellbook by April Malig and The Untitled Queen.  This was an absolutely incredible gift from April!!!!  Sasha superfans will recognize this mini as featured in Velour Magazine #3.  That issue smartly photographed and captured this feature as an object mini-within-a-magazine... and this is one of the rare actual copies April made just for Velour.  Incredible risograph work and color composition... and it’s a little piece of comics/drag history. <3 

The Veggie Team by Ginger Craghead. 9-year old cartoonist creates wild mini about the pranks and misadventures of a team of wild veggies.  What more can I say?  This was legit hilarious (See the 2nd panel on the right page above, hahaha).

Yes by Tom Herpich. Final book from around SPX, this is a new mini from Tom... not exactly a comic, but a short story about isolation and gratification. It was startling and lowkey, and the storybook illustrations showed Tom’s incredible sense of framing and pacing. I’m such a huge fan of Tom’s work, it’s exciting as a reader to see him working through new work in his post-Adventure Time life. Available via his Tumblr still (I think?)

#small press expo #youthindecline #youth in decline #indie comics

[raccoonsinqueen]

So Close, Yet...

What are we having tonight? Mafiatale!Sans x Reader, Mafiatale!Papyrus x Reader, and Mafiatale!Gaster x Reader!

Appetizer:  Should be working on other stuff, buuuuut

Main Course: You like to think you’re a nice person. You’re always kind to the people around you. You like to bring sunshine into their rough lives, and try to keep a smile on your face despite the rugged times. You’re not even mean (most of the time) to the short skeleton who won’t stop teasing you, and you always greet his younger brother with a hug. You don’t even turn them in when you find out that they’re involved in organized crime, or even tell them you know for that matter.

So yeah, you consider yourself a nice person. You know, besides the fact that you’re a serial killer.

Dessert: It’s rated T, but honestly has some rough violent imagery so if you’re not good with that you gotta skit skat paddy wack, my friend.

Oh.... Geez .

He was dead.

You gently set the knife down next to you on the counter as the rain furiously roared outside. You didn’t want to get blood on your new apron, after all.

You waited for the remorse to hit you.

You waited.

And waited.

And... Was that it?

No, no... that was just satisfaction. Why? Because you hated him? Because of his abuse for years? Maybe revenge was what you truly needed?

Well, you thought you’d at least feel a little guilty about it. Though, you had been dreaming for this moment for at least a year. And, if you were completely honest with yourself, you had always had a fascination with death, even as a kid.

It was... Satisfying, to say the least. And beautiful, in a sense. Seeing him motionless, breathless, lifeless was aesthetically beautiful. You could’ve likened it unto a night sky. One of which you had stolen every last moon and star and planet and comet from, and tossed it into the ocean never to be seen again.

That was really poetic, you should write that down.

Maybe you were in shock? Yeah, that was probably it. You were in shock and that’s why you didn’t mourn. After all, you had loved him for years regardless of abusiveness. That’s why he was so good... at hurting you...

You shook your head. Well, he’s dead now, so a lot good that did him! Moral of the story? If you take advantage of your fiance, you should... make sure she’s probably not crazy first?

You don’t know, were you insane? You didn’t really feel insane, but you did just kill a man so...

Oh well, now’s not the time to worry about your questionable sanity, you needed to dump this body and get out of town! Then you can put this whole ordeal behind you, grab some donuts, and move on with your life. You could live in the city? The city sounded fun?

It’ll all be over after this. Those urges you had been feeling every time your fiance turned his back would go away right after this, right? After all, it’s not like you could get addicted to this kind of thing, right?

Right?

Wrong.

You watched the man fall to his knees in front of you, one hand to his neck in an attempt to keep the blood from pooling out and one grasping at your red cloak. His scarred eyes looked up as he gargled on his own flesh, as if begging for any form of mercy.

And you gave it. You weren’t sadistic. You gained no pleasure from seeing this murderer in painful and tormenting agony. You wanted to see him dead.

With one last stab to the back of his neck, the man fell to the floor, motionless.

A wave of contentment fell over you, and your itching subconscious and crawling psyche was put to rest. You picked up your victim with all the strength you could muster and sat him up against the building behind you. Afterall, just because you were a serial killer doesn’t mean you’re gonna leave his body just twisted up on the floor to rot. You had more class than that. Plus, it kinda became your ‘signature’. So to speak. You’d sit them up, close their eyes, made them look.... peaceful. Beautiful.

The Red Reaper . That’s what they called you in all the newspapers and radio shows. When you adorned the red cloak, you were kinda hoping to get called Little Red Riding Hood , but everyone thought you were a dude so The Red Reaper it was. You sighed. That was probably for the best anyway. The police were really bad at catching you. Heck, the mob   was closer than they were.

Ugh, the mob. They were the worst, truly the suckiest. Not because they cheated, stole, and killed, though that was a pretty shallow move. But because they were so darn annoying!

You picked this city because of one thing: The crime rate. You soon realized you were probably insane because of your urge to kill, but you really didn’t have the urge to kill good people. They were beautiful in life, why would you kill them? That made no sense. But bad people. Oh, they were ugly . Gross. People who killed, raped, tortured, those people would be MUCH more beautiful dead . You were practically doing them a favor.

The problem with killing bad people? You end up offing a lot of hitmen. And regional managers for said hitmen. And just gang members in general. The thing is, organized crime groups don’t really like it when you kill their members. Good news? Less and less people were wanting to murder, rape, and even steal. Bad news? These gangs were getting real pissed off, and were hunting you down like a wolf.

Ah well, no big deal. After all, what’s a wolf going to do against a tiger? Probably a lot, if it’s in a pack.

But you were good at sneaking. Like right now, as you traversed the darkened alley. You went over crates, past dumpsters, through twists and turns to get where you needed. Although, sometimes you stumbled on some... interesting conversations.

“Where’s Jerry?!” The man’s thick brooklyn accent hit you like bag of rocks. In an instant, you swiftly put your back to the dumpster in front of you with almost unparalleled stealth, your hands tracing of your knife almost hungrily. More grunts? Maybe if there’s few enough you could do a little extra clean up today...

“Sluggish jerk’s always late...” You heard another man say, before he was interrupted by a third.

“Shut up!” The third one boomed, “We gotta keep our cool before-!”

“ before what, boys? ”

Whoa. That was one deep voice. It was almost haunting, in a sense, but was heavy with a dark, deep weight. You leaned back, curious. Now that you could practically hear the shivering of the grunts behind you, things were getting really interesting.

“I-i-it’s him!” You heard one of the men crash into something.

“it’s me.” The voice rumbled.

“Y-You’re S-S-!”

“in the flesh.” You heard the voice chuckle lightheartedly a bit, though you didn’t know why. Nothing he said was funny. Maybe one of the grunts fell?

The third grunt seemed to pick up his voice in confidence, “Right.... It’s just... We were expecting your-”

“my younger brother?” The voice was so casual, it was strange. “yeah, he’s the nicer one, isn’t he? but he’s busy. so what’s the deal? where’s the package we were promised weeks ago?”

“W-We promise we aren’t stiffin’ ya, sir!” The second grunt quickly relayed. “It’s just-”

“The Red Reaper.” The third one finished.

There was a tense silence, and you felt a surge of pride. Looks like you stopped a package, whether it be drugs or weapons or whatever. You were basically a cop now.

“i.. . see .” The voice growled in distaste. Distaste? Who was he to judge, he was in the mob. And judging by the other’s reactions, he was pretty high up on the food chain. “well, it looks to me like you folks are... incompetent.”

The grunts started to panic, “B-B-But, sir-!” The first one was cut off by what sounded like something sharp slicing into flesh. Was he using knifes? It didn’t sound like it, and you knew that sound well. Then what as he....

“W-W-WE CAN’T HELP-!”

“what? one guy with a cloak and a knife? come on, me and your leader had a deal and he doesn’t even have the guts to face me? even after we’ve already given you our monsters’ lives? who’s gonna pay for that, hmm?” Another sharp noise. What was he using? You were so curious!

“P-P-Please! You need me alive, right?” The third grunt begged, “T-To relay the message?”

“i think this sends a clear enough message.”

“Please, SANS-!” And the last one was killed. Welp, saved you some time. But... that still made you wonder, who was...?

The voice —er— Sans sighed. And before long, you heard footsteps fade away into the alley. As soon as you heard nothing but silence, you stepped out from the shadows. You looked at the grunts that littered the floor.

You bent down and inspected the wounds. There was a large gaping hole right under his chin... all their chins. Almost like he used a spear or a really sharp stick to kill them. Hmmm, it was painless. You could get behind that.

Well, whoever this strangely named man was, he was gone now. You’d have to stow away that name for later though, things might get interesting if you could kill a crime lord of some kind.

You looked to the three bodies, before you began to pout at a sudden realization. Ugh, your murder was going to get overshadowed by these three. You know that should’ve been a good thing, not getting caught and whatnot, but you worked hard to kill people, the least you could get was some credit!

No no, you were being childish. You exhaled as you began your walk home.

Once again, going through the dark alleys of the city was as easy as breathing to you. You could honestly do it on autopilot, and you did. Finally, you reached the alley of your apartment. You hid under the shadow of the dumpster next to your fire escape, before you stripped yourself of your red cloak, your blank-white mask, your chest compressor, and your blood-stained boots. Moving the dumpster, you pushed it to the side easily and lifted up a piece of loose pavement. You set your ‘costume’ in the crevice, before veiling the secret place once again.

With a relaxed sigh, you casually made your way up the fire escape. You could probably go in through the front door, but this way was easier. When you made it to the top, you easily slid the window open and slipped through. With a stretch, you checked the time.

You sighed again, this time more melancholy, “Got work in thirty...”

Well, doesn’t mean you can’t take a quick shower! You stripped yourself of your clothes as you entered your bathroom, before switching on the water and waiting for it to get lukewarm. Unfortunately, you didn’t have the luxury of hot water. Afterall, only one of your jobs pay.

Stepping in, you let the water run down your body. There was no blood to wash off. Your cloak was always long and large enough to cover your entire silhouette, plus you were very clean with your cuts. Honestly, though, you hadn’t washed your boots or cloak once. Where would you? Your sink? It was already red anyway, so there was no need.

After you finished, you dried yourself off with a towel. One quick rub down later, and you picked out your uniform after slipping on some undies. A simple blouse, a skirt that reached your knees, two black shoes, and an apron. There, now you were ready. You weren’t too late for work now, were you- ?!

Five minutes!? You practically sprinted out of your apartment, rushing down the steps and through the lobby.

“Late again, Y/n?” Your landlord called.

“Unfortunately!” You called back as you burst out of the door, not having the time to hear his response.

You ran down the street. The great thing about living in that small, dingy apartment was that it was easily a fifteen minute walk to your work. But you didn’t have fifteen minutes.

Before long, you made it to your place of work, hopefully not too late. It was a nice place, a restaurant and bar. You had been excited to work there... before your boss started working you like a rented pack mule. But you loved your boss and the people you met there, so even though the money wasn’t great you kept it.

You opened the doors and ran to the counter, almost completely out of breath. “Ah! Sorry I’m late, Mr. Grillby!”

You huffed as you looked up at your boss, who was currently and casually cleaning a glass. But he wasn’t the only one there, another monster was with him. You tilted your head. Strange. Monsters don’t usually visit before you open.

“...You’re not late, Y/n.” He simply said. Grillby wasn’t much for many words.

“I’m, uhm, not?” You looked at your watch. It said you were at least seven minutes late?

Grillby beckoned you closer, and you showed him your watch. “...That’s ten minutes late.”

“Oh!” You blushed a light color, bashfully smiling. “Sorry, Mr. Grillby! I didn’t mean to make a scene in front of... uhm...”

Grillby gestured to the monster in front of him, his stoic expression unchanging. If you could say that about literal fire. “Y/n. This is an old friend.”

The monster outstretched his hand. He was a classy looking monster, but still had a relaxness about him. His jacket was on the counter, revealing his suspenders snapped around his shoulders. His fedora shadowed most of his face almost eerily, though.

“heya.” Oh. Oh. Well, this is interesting. “the name’s sans. sans the skeleton. ms. y/n, i’m assuming.”

“Sans?” You offered him the brightest smile, as you took his hand and giggled. “What a silly name!”

#undertale #mafiatale #mobtale #sans #papyrus #gaster #mafiatale sans #mafiatale papyrus #mafiatale gaster #sans x reader #papyrus x reader #gaster x reader #reader insert #undertale fanfiction #raccoon with a book