#i like a distained face a curse of mine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

130K people were victims of a chain letter scam that affected Tumblr in May 2011.

#i like a distained face a curse of mine

evangelic-echo · 13 days

Text

ℭ𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔞𝔩 𝔓𝔲𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱

Part 1:

Teaser<

Walking down the streets of heaven, sipping on a cold drink through the straw as you held a folder filled with boring paperwork you had filled out only just this morning. For the past week you've been dealing with all types of bullshit from the humans that you're trying to repair since your absence from Earth. Ever since Lucifer decided to give mankind the “gift” of free will, your job has become a lot more difficult than before.

“Thanks for the Luci”

Sera requested a meeting with you which isn’t too surprising. As the high Seraphim she was your supervisor, and she always seemed to want to bitch about one thing or another to you with her new found authority. Taking a final sip from your drink before throwing it away in a near by bin, you moved the huge folder from one hand to the next as you walked into the huge, pearlescent building in front of you.

“It’s nice to see you’re not late for once Y/N.”

You looked up at the huge Seraphim before you as you simply replied with a hum. After the whole ‘Lucifer making Eve eat the apple incident,’ Sera made sure to keep her distain towards you evident. Obviously making it clear that she blames you for the whole ordeal.

“I called you up here today to review a certain case l’m having trouble with-”

As sera was Talking the office door behinds you slams shut, interrupting the Angel before you. You look behind to see Emily, cringing as she looks back at the source of the loud noise, then look back in your direction and she smiles and waves at you.

“Sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to overlay the massage that everything’s ready”

She beats her wings to fly closer to her sister, quickly whispering something in her ear. Furrowing your eyebrows as you look back and forth between them. Sure, Sera has always has some sort is stigma towards you and always makes it a point to tell you things last minute, or hell never tell you things at all. But you could tell there was a lot more to this meeting as she was letting on, honestly making you a little more nervous than you’d like to admit.

Turning back to face you Sera gives Emily another glance before resuming to what she was saying.

“Y/N, as you may of heard. The princess of Hell was up here in heaven as Lucifer, her father demanded that she pitch a certain idea of hers”

Sera pauses as to see your possible reaction to her bringing up an old friend of yours, acting as though his name curses whoever’s tongue dare speaks his name. You raise your eyebrows in response, signalling that she should continue.

“She has some sort of idea that sinners down in hell can be redeemed through the means of this ‘Hazbin Hotel’ she’s been building. We discussed it in court but it was decided that sinners in fact, can’t be redeemed and with that she was sent back down to hell.”

“Hm, you mean the same heavenly court where it was revealed that Adam’s Exorcist go down to hell once a year to exterminate sinners? I’m also assuming you mean the same court I wasn’t invited to but yet, l’m possibly the best person who could of been there as I work with those human souls 24/7 and know the most about these kind of things more than anyone else in that court? Yes I think I know exactly which one you’re talking about.”

You keep making eye contact with the Seraphim in front of you even after finishing your rant. She glares back at you, looking down then back up to your face as you still keep that same glare towards her.

“I think we both know why you weren’t welcome to sit in that court session, who knows how you’d react. Especially when you allow your emotions to drive you so.”

Your wings ruffle behind you, signalling you were fed up with Sera’s constant condescension towards you. You slightly fidget in your seat as your glare doesn’t budge from her face.

“I would’ve loved to meet the daughter of an old friend of mine. I’m not surprised you think of me so low and pathetic that you think I’ll have a tantrum by every little thing associated with him.”

“I also think it’s pathetic that you still think of him as a friend of yours, after everything he’s still done you see him as a pure little angel who’s done nothing wrong”

Leaning further back on the chair you were sat on, you crossed your leg on top of the other as you grinned up at the unnecessarily tall woman in front of you.

“If anything Sera, that proves I’ve moved on. I don’t allow hatred to control my feelings anymore, I suggest you don’t either.”

You had to admit that you were slightly lying to the Angel as you spoke those words, as you’d be a hypocrite if you weren’t, but it was worth it for that look on her face. Finally humbling her from that high horse of hers.

“Hellooo, I am the great Ssir Pentious~ It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance~”

You looked down at the weird snake man before you as he bowed his head towards the ground, tilting your head to the side in confusion. This is what Sera was so worried about? Looking back to the Seraphim’s who lead you here to try and get a little bit more information.

“Sir Pentious here is a ‘former’ demon from hell, who has apparently been redeemed through Charlie’s Hotel and has now, been sent up here in heaven.”

Your demeanour completely changes from one of uninterested to one of astonishment. Looking between the two sisters however, the totally different attitudes upon their faces told two very different stories. Sera of course couldn’t have looked more unamused with the situation even if she tried, Emily however looked ecstatic about the evidence of redemption, her hands clasping together in front of her chest as her wide smile and bulging eyes take over her features.

“This is a great day for Heaven and for Hell! We finally have evidence that redemption is indeed possible and now reason to stop those brutal exterminations, right Sera?”

Sera looks at her sister with a completely different demeanour than before, making herself seem for hopeful about the situation at hand.

“Of course Emily! Me and Y/N here will deal with it immediately, but I suggest for now you handle matters that your assistance a lot more than this one.”

You frowned while looking at the younger Seraphim, though her smile never fading from her features. She must be too excited of the news that she couldn’t hear the dishonesty in her older sisters voice.

With Emily now out of the room, Sera went back to looking uninterested as she did before, her focus now landing back on you and the former sinner besides you.

“Watching you lie to your poor sister is honestly disheartening Sera, dear Emily has a point. If redemption is now indeed possible, there is no need for the exterminations to continue-”

“That absolutely is not an option in this situation. Yes we now have proof that redemption is possible but that doesn’t differ us from the fact that hell may be planning an uproar against us, against heaven.”

Taken aback by the interruption, you turn your focus over to the former sinner beside you, noticing the awkward feeling he’s emitting from himself.

“If I may I assure you-”

“No you may not”

Sera now all riled up and irritated, springs her wings out from behind her as her angelic form starts to poke through from her annoyance. In response the man yelps and he steps behind you for safety from that death piercing gaze of hers, which then travel over to you.

Her wings retract back in towards her but the eyes now littered across her body remain where they are.

“I except you to deal with this matter Y/N, you constantly complain I do not give you the benefit of the doubt, you can use this as an opportunity to prove me wrong and maybe make up for your wrong doings from the past.”

Now you knew you absolutely had no choice in the matter, saying no wasn’t an option at all. But knowing the fact that all she wanted to do was just push all her mistakes onto you to fix was absolutely aggravating. However, keeping yourself calm was best for right now.

Nodding back to the woman as your response, she took that as her cue to leave, not seeing anymore reason to stay in this helpless situation.

As the door closed shut, the serpent who had been holding onto your shoulder for safeguarding had finally found it appropriate to let go after muttering an apology.

At least he was well mannered.

You turned to him offering a comforting smile. He’s probably been so confused for the past hour he’s been in heaven, and by God could you say he hasn’t gotten the normal, outgoing introduction normal new residents are greeted with when spawning at heavens great golden gates. Though you can admit his situation is quite different than others, you can sense his soul is worthy than every other soul up here in heaven among him.

You extend your arms, motioning him to sit at the table near by. He follows your direction and sits as you sat along side him, summoning a pen and notebook with your magic.

“Now if you don’t mind, I have some questions.”

A/N: AAAA THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE LIKES AND FOLLOWS FROM THE LAST POST🫶🫶🫶 You don’t know how much it means to me knowing that even just 50 people liked this new idea I’m exploring and I am so very grateful 🙏 .

131 notes · View notes

shoot-the-oneshot · 2 years

Text

Hate the way

Basic off the song from Purple Hearts Hate the way

enemies to lovers lyrics in purple Pierre Gasly x reader The one where you and Pierre hate each other, until you don’t

“Please be nice.” Sasha your media consultant begged as she lead you to the media room, by her words you already knew who would be there. Pierre Gasly, has hated you since day one. Part of you understood why, he thinks you took the Redbull seat from him, as a driver he should know that’s not how it works.

“I’m always nice,” Seeing the man in question sitting for the panel you inwardly groaned seeing your name next to his. “Pierre,” you drawled, making his jaw clench and exhale harshly out of his nose. While you smirked at how easy it was to piss him off he once mentioned how he hated the way you said his name, so you did it every chance you got.

Lewis seeing the rising tension offered to switch seats with you, which you politely declined, “No thanks Lewis, but I appreciate it,” at you words the Frenchmen huffed again, making you glare. “What hate the way i say his name too Pierre?”

‘I hate the way you do a lot of things Y/n.” He drawled your name out like you do his making your eyes narrow, his team principal has already gotten onto him many times about his behavior but his control and patience disappeared when you were around.

Pierre cursed as the elevator doors opened showing you inside, deciding he could tolerate the short ride over waiting for the next one he stepped in standing as far away from you as he could get, folding his arms over his chest.

“I hate the way you say my name” he spoke as you tried to pretend he wasn’t there. “I know”

“Then why do you do it?” He growled through gritted teeth, getting angrier as you smiled. “Because you hate it.”

He doesn’t know where it came from but for a second Charles words from earlier repeated in his head, ‘you guys just need to fuck it out.’ Worth a shot, hate sex was always the best anyways, scanning your body his lips pulled into a smirk, not the normal look of distain you’re used to seeing on his face.

“And if i said i hate your ‘picture perfect lips’ on mine?” He asked quoting part of an article about you. Little did he know you had the same idea as he did. And that’s how you both ended up in his hotel room clothes thrown carelessly, his kiss was all teeth as your nails dug into his back. Moaning his name when he bit the soft spot on your neck leaving a mark. The noise making him grind harder into you.

“That’s it say my name” he panted against your neck, no amount of pleasure would be enough to not take that shot. “Don’t hate the way i say your name now do you.”

“Y/n so glad you made it!” Daniel shouted informing the other drivers of your arrival, Daniel threw parties after every Australian Grand Prix it always ended with the drivers way to wasted to leave so it turned into a sleep over really. And now almost all twenty drivers were spread around Dans house, you were leaned up ageant the wall separating the kitchen and living room laughing as Daniel tried to convince everyone to do a shoey, you tensed up feeling someone breathing on your neck.

“Someone has been a bad girl.” Pierre hummed, you scoffed not answering. Since that night in the elevator you had both had a enemies with benefits situation, now pissing each other off was almost forplay. “Oh not talking? You had a lot to say earlier.” By earlier he means the grill the grid video of who’s most likely, and beacause you were the only woman you got the question who you were most likely to date, all the boys laughed some raising their hand to volunteer. Unknowing pissing Pierre off for a reason he didn’t know, but not more than your following words did.

“Charles probably.” Throwing him a wink for extra effect. “What not me?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking. Leaning over to look him in the eye seeing the same challenging look he gave you when he snarked off. “If I could I’d cut the breaks on your car.” You deadpanned, luckily for you F1 edited that part out, but you still got scolded.

You dont know when or how it happened but suddenly your enemies to benefits changed a bit, you still got on each other nerves but now that’s not all of your conversations. He learned you had a soft spot for puppies and now always sends you pictures of cute ones he sees on his runs, or how you learned to tell when he got homesick and you found yourself cursing in your head walking out of a small French bakery you found in Canada and bringing him fresh croissant.

He didnt let you leave after you dropped those off instead showing you how much he appreciated it and fed them to you in bed the next morning, that was the first time you stayed through the night.

things shifted then and now instead of sneaking out in the night you woke up to Pierres arms wrapped around you more often than not, when you tried to sneak out fearing what this meant he mumbled still half asleep pulling you in, “Don’t leave.” you hate the way you can’t help but stay all night.

“Seriously mate you won’t even look at her, i know you guys have that love hate relationship but come on.” Charles scolded, when Pierres head dipped the second you walked through the doors of the bar the crew and drivers practically took over. Smile still shining from your podium today, he wondered if he could taste the champagne on your skin you were sprayed with if he just got close enough. He shook his head, looking from you to his best friend. “You’ve got it all wrong, if i look to long i’ll never look away.”

“Let me take you to dinner.” Pierre whispered not to disturb the soft air the room held laying on his side with his head propped on his hand eyes set on you.

“I dont do dates.” Was your response everytime he tried. He was getting a little sick of it. Everyone has noticed you weren’t at each other’s throats anymore but you refused to give up.

One night after to many drinks and sweet caresses he pulled the true reason out of you, you were hurt by your ex and refused to try again how you never gave up in racing but did in love confused and hurt him equally.

“And what do you call what we do?” He asked genuinely curious, he’s tried to get a label out of you for months and you always ran away. “Give me a chance to save you from your past.” He practically begged, grabbed your hand in his when you pulled away and started to find your clothes. “Babe I wasn’t praying for a saving grace,” unfolding your fingers “let’s go back to nothing.” Were your last words before going out the door.

Finally summer break hit normally you’d be climbing the walls to get back to driving but not driving means not seeing Pierre, which you haven’t since you left him in his hotel room. You didnt know why you were upset its what you wanted no strings, how did your biggest enemy become something different.

Sasha had noticed your down behavior and you spilled the beans, surprisingly making her laugh. “I’m spilling my heart out and you’re laughing!”

“Sorry sorry just Miss, i hate Pierre and i’ll never date a driver is talking about said driver like its a love song.” And she was right. you hate the way you say words you laughed at before

Two races passed the break and you refused to speak to him despite his unwavering attempts, he was furious that you could just turn your shoulder and act like he wasn’t there after everything he thought meant something between you two, but that didn’t stop his heart from stopping at the news coming over the radio.

He slowed his car and weaved the spun out Redbull as a McLaren practically shoved it purposely off the track into the gravel making it flip into the barrier landing upside down. “Who was it?” He asked when they called red flag immediately after. “Y/n.”

His lost all the air in his lungs when he heard your name, flashes of every life threatening crash going through his head but picturing it being you made him spin his Alpha Tauri and weave between the oncoming cars back to the crash.

‘No no no’ Speaking to himself a he saw smoke. “Pierre safty car is in route please get back to the paddock.” Ignoring his radio he jumped out of the car and ran to your flipped one.

“Y/n!” He yelled crawling under your car seeing you handing from your straps. Reaching up to release them and catch you but he gets pulled out by his feet. “Let me fucking go!” He struggled against the marshals holding him back as the medic pulled you out and onto a gurney which he quickly followed to the nearby ambulance not taking no for an answer as he climbed in not leaving your side.

When you woke up he was still there not even leaving to change out of his suit. “Y/n.” He sighed in relief, pressing his forehead against yours, after explaining what happened you were more worried about him than yourself. “You shouldn’t have done that you’re going to be in so much trouble.” He just fondly shook his head.

“All i was thinking about was you, all i ever think about is you, my thoughts aren’t mine now their yours.”

Your phone dinged for the tenth time since you and Charlotte left the boys at the villa, making her laugh. “He’s smitten its so cute,” she awed. You sighed checking your phone seeing two selfies he sent one smiling with the text. “My face when i think of you’ and the next him pouting. ‘When i realize you’re not here’ Texting back,

‘I just left you can’t miss me already’

‘I do, do you not miss me?’

‘No’

‘You think you cool when you pretend I’m not always in your head’

‘You’re not.’

‘Don’t lie.’

‘Maybe a little’

One lost seat. One elevator ride and a wild night. One season, and One new world champion later, your championship trophy sat centered on your kitchen island as you longingly stared at it still not believing you actually won it and made history. Pierre snuck a picture and posted it to Instagram with the caption. ‘She won the championship but she’s in my kitchen, who’s the real winner’

Pierre slid in behind you wrapping his arms around your waist, “I Remember when you looked at me like that.” He joked making you pull you attention away from the trophy and spin to face him. “Please i never looked at you like that.” You teased making him dramatically clutch his chest over his heart.

“Go ahead give the award your heart!” His eyes lighting up at your giggles pulling him back towards you by the collar of his shirt brushing your nose against his. “You know my heart isn’t mine now its yours.”

Hope you guys liked it let me know what you thought dont forget to check out the F1 romance trope series coming out next sunday!!!!

F1 tag list @coffeehurricanes

985 notes · View notes

curmoritor · 28 days

Text

@dayrisen asked: ❛ i wish i could hate you for what you've done, but i can't. ❜ from koto :3c

❛ Are you even capable of hating anything? I think your heart might be more broken then mine~ How pathetic. ❜

You honestly can't stand her. Everything about her fills you with an undeniable rage. A feeling you felt once or twice before... One time the person was killed- You splattered their blood all across the snow and then left them to suffer just a little longer before you finally killed them. A satisfying fate for someone you hate- The other narrowly escaped because of Rustica's interference. This time? She only lives because she is the Sage. Nothing more, nothing less. Humoring a conversation with her only makes you more angry! It makes you feel like you are slowly choking and dying. Something about her just makes you hate her so much.

❛ Really. Being unable to hate me, or even anyone~ You could try to counter back and say "No, I hate someone", but I wouldn't believe a word out of that mouth of yours. ❜

The distain is dripping from your tone. Your nose is scrunched up and a rare frown is spread across your features as your eyes remain narrow. Almost like a cornered animal that snarls and is ready to attack is provoked in the wrong way. You don't remember if you've ever hated another sage like this... You all aren't allowed to remember them longer then the time they are here. Maybe it's for the best- But you are sure that you never got a good feel on most of them because you didn't bother to be at the manor. You didn't need to be.

Maybe you will just stop visiting at this point if it means avoiding her. Maybe you understand the curse maker a bit in his distain for humans. It's always humans, isn't it? No matter what she does or how she acts, she will always be human and she'll never be able to change that.

❛ Have you ever considered that maybe you can't hate anyone because you hate yourself~? Allowing anyone and everyone to use and abuse you for some "greater good". You really are just some tool that you want everyone to throw away~ It's pitiable. If only you could actually hate~ Then maybe one day you'd actually love someone too~ ❜ A smile spreads across your face finally as you laugh, yet it's bitter. The smile is only one that is meant to look down at her. You have no actual pity for her... but you need to get your feelings out, even if it means saying far more then you usually would. ❛ Because as it stands... your love is all superficial. It's more of an obligation that you've held yourself too~ The other wizards know that too, They are just nice to you because to us you will only exist a short time~ We might as well play nice, Right~? Right? ❜

The sage existing here is just the blink of an eye for wizards. A humans life span is nothing more then a small point inf the life of a wizard. You've lived hundreds of human lives... the life of a wizard is totally disconnected from that of a human. And yet she has tried to compare you two? It's laughable. It's dismissive. Yet, she claims to love you all too! Are all humans this disgusting?

❛ Your being here is nothing more then the blink of an eye for us, yet you say you "love" us, All while disregarding us as we are~! Is this how humans treat each-other~? No wonder wars happen and murder is the final option some humans have to pick~ Ahaha, You seriously are the worst. ❜

A hand goes placed on her chest as you get close to her. Your free hand smacking the veiled hood she wears off so you can look her in the face. Your eyes are narrowed as you bare your fangs at her.

❛ Either hate me, Or never speak to me again. I can't stand to even breath the same air as you. Even your hate would be better then your "love". I'm sure everyone here would agree. They just won't say it to your face. ❜

#☾*‧⁺˖⋆ — 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄 ... 》 in character ❜#☾*‧⁺˖⋆ — 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄 ... 》 inbox answered ❜#dayrisen #this is. um. hm. something.#i'm sorry that he has a lot of trauma #he just. can't stand her for so many reasons. they have so many layers #but i think that dynamic is insanely interesting........ i love this for them #long post //

1 note · View note

tonkatsumeal · 2 years

Text

the times i'm with you are ones i treasure most.

ft. zhongli

warning(s): zhongli spoilers i guess?

note(s): gn!reader, touch-starved zhongli bc why not, zhongli pov, not proof-read, kinda short? good for an easy read :)

a/n: fluffy :) i am not playing tricks i swear fr it's a new year why would i do that I HAVE CHANGED

synopsis: within the six millenniums i have been alive, i do not remember a single time that i felt the same numbing sensation you give me when we merely brush shoulders.

Being beside you still feels like a dream to me.

When I wake up and see your sleeping face under the sun's morning stare, I can't help but kiss the eyelashes that flutter with every one of your blinks. The way you breathe softly under my stained forearms makes me wonder how you could put so much trust in a single person so willingly.

Though, I'm not complaining. I like the way you smile when you realize I'm beside you, holding you like no tomorrow. I like the way you look at me with bright eyes, not expecting much from me but still loving me nonetheless. I like the way you like me.

But I do worry from time to time—of our mortality, I mean. When I was an Archon I did not have to worry about such trivial things like 'not having enough time', yet here I am, clinging onto the twenty-four hours in these horrificly short days. You tell me I worry too much, but I can't help it when sunset seems to arrive earlier than it did the day before.

I feel like there are not enough minutes in a day for me to express my true love and adoration for you.

I want to always be around you, I want to hold you tight and I want you to hold me just as close. I often curse the hours of sleep required for the human body due to how much time it takes from us.

Whenever I express my distain, you always hold me more intimately than you usually do. A sweet and reassuring sigh escapes your swollen lips, giggling at how immature I can be. A smile, a warmth just for me. You often laugh and stroke my long hair, an action I never thought could be so comforting.

The first time you ran your fingers through my fringe I didn't know how to react. When I snapped out of it, you were humming a song I had never heard. I thought you'd mistake my image of indifference as dislike, but you just laughed and told me you made that tune on the spot.

I realized then that you loved me more than I loved you, and it made my heart swell. I wanted to do those things for you. I wanted to be the one to comfort you, I wanted to be the one to protect you.

You seemed to know every corner and crevice that made me melt, and all I could do was embrace you. I wanted to do more for you, the one who could simply stroke my cheek and set me ablaze like a fire under cedar wood. I could hear the amber stone in my heart being chipped by you bit by bit, and I didn't mind at all.

When you take your hand in mine and intertwine them, my breath holds still. Out of habit, I give you a small squeeze to make sure you're real and not just a figment of my lonesome imagination. You smile every time, squeezing my hand tighter. My heart just can't seem to shake you off.

Looking at you under the sun's golden hue, under the moon's wistful light, under the sky's reflecting ocean breeze, I can't help but want to kiss you. I just can't seem to get enough of you, a fragment of light directly from the goodness of the sun.

The inconsistency from your bouncy steps to your sluggish slouch, the slight crack in your voice when you talk about something you're interested in, the way you prefer to hum 'yes' instead of directly saying it all pique my interest. Your smile is contagious, and your emotions show well on your face. You can't hide your expressions, which makes you all the more lovable.

Your hair, which you always found to be quite annoying, is my favorite part of your body. Sure, your hips are the perfect size for my hands to grip and your chest is the perfect place for me to rest my head upon, but they just aren't your hair. The hair I can comb with my fingers every day, seeing any tension release itself from the furrow in your eyebrows. The hair that you carelessly flop around yet still manage to make look effortlessly attractive. The hair that spreads all over our shared bed into the pillow sheets (and my mouth somehow).

Sometimes I wake up abruptly, disturbed by the unfamiliar feeling against my tongue. It takes me only a few seconds to recognize that its your flyaway, and that irritated feeling gets replaced with an odd kind of oozing warmth.

Looking down at your sleeping figure under the sheets we bought together, I can't help but smile like a child at the fact that you are my lover. I wonder if it is fate that brought you here to me, or fate that brought me to you.

But you wake up before I could conjure an answer, fluttering your eyes open to shake the sleepy feeling away from them. You smile—the smile just for me—and kiss my shoulder, "Good morning, Zhongli."

#zhongli #zhongli fluff #zhongli imagines #genshin #genshin impact #zhongli x reader #genshin impact imagines #zhongli scenarios #zhongli genshin impact #shorts #rex lapis #genshin impact morax #genshin morax #zhongli x y/n

183 notes · View notes

fanmoose12 · 3 years

Text

to know your enemy

Hange glanced at him briefly – Levi stood with his hands behind his back, his head raised up high. Their eyes met – just for a second – but it was enough to calm her nerves.

Captain Levi was not an ally, most certainly not her friend, but amidst all foes, he was the only thing that gave her comfort.

A citizen and a loyal soldier of a country that wanted her dead, Captain Levi was the sole source of light in her life during these dark times.

Or, a Marleyan!Levi au

The cell they’ve put her in was cold. The wall she was chained up to was damp. A pool of something sticky and putrid beneath her legs was making her nauseous. It had a characteristic metallic smell that after years of being a soldier Hange knew all too well. She hoped, at least, that the blood wasn’t hers.

A single torch, hanging on the wall outside, behind the metal bars, was the only thing illuminating the cell. It was dark inside, but not dark enough for Hange not to distinguish a figure, looming over her.

She recognized him right away.

“Commander Hange,” Floch curled his lips in a cruel, bloodthirsty smile. “It’s so good to see you here.”

“Ah, the pleasure is all mine!” Hange replied, looking so cheerful and relaxed, as though she was sitting behind the desk in her office back at home, not chained and locked up in the darkest, deepest cell of Marleyan prison. “You know, I always wanted to visit the country I’ve been fighting against for so long. And you provided me with a perfect opportunity to take a much needed vacation!”

“My god,” the smile slipped from his lips. Floch’s expression changed to that of a complete distain. “You really are insufferable. It isn’t a surprise that Eldians are losing in this war, if you’re their Commander.”

“My soldiers don’t really complain. Much,” she grinned, showing her bloody teeth. Despite her high status back in Paradise, her Marleyan captors weren’t gentle or cautious with her. She gave them all the reason for that kind of treatment. “But I guess you know it already. Not that long ago, you were one of my soldiers too."

Floch seethed. "And as a Commander, you’ve disappointed me."

"Aw, you poor thing," Hange cooed, angering Floch even further. “I’ve disappointed you? That’s why you’ve decided to betray your country and your comrades? That’s why, while fleeing, you’ve killed several of my men?”

“I did not betray you, I merely switched sides. Unlike you, I prefer to stick to the winning team.”

“Or you’re just a scumbag with no sense of loyalty.”

“Shut up!” Floch surged forward, grabbing Hange by the collar. “You, Commander, who is dooming your own people with reckless decisions, what do you know about loyalty?”

“Apparently she knows more than you do,” spoke a cold, indifferent voice.

It had an immediate effect on Floch. His face palled and his lower lip began to tremble. He bit it to hide his unease from Hange’s sharp eyes.

He didn’t release his hold on her collar, though, and continued to glare stubbornly at her.

“Floch,” the man stepped out of shadows. Hange swallowed as she watched him. He was short, but his face was menacing enough to more than make up for it. “Are you that slow? Do I really need to spell it out? Let Eldian Commander go.”

“But—”

“No buts,” the man growled. He grabbed the back of Floch’s shirt, yanking him back hard. “You weren’t even supposed to be here, so get the fuck out.”

It was obvious – Floch wanted to argue, but one look from his superior officer and he surrendered, taking a step back from Hange and letting her go. He gave her one last look, filled with hatred, and then left.

Like a dog with its tail between its legs, Hange thought with no small amount of amusement.

After Floch’s departure, she was left alone with the unexpected savior. Hange stared at him, warily, waiting for his next move.

He stepped closer to her, and her eyes widened in surprise, when he raised his hand to unlock her shackles.

“Um,” Hange scrunched her face in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“You aren’t supposed to be here either,” the man explained with a roll of his eyes. “It was another one of Floch’s stupid stunts. This level of dungeon is made to hold rapists and murderers.”

A sparkle of curiosity ignited in the deepness of her honey brown eyes. Hange tilted her head, staring at the man beside her. “I’m sure most of your people would argue that I’m both.”

“I’m not most,” he scoffed. “And your crimes are not bigger than any of our soldiers.”

“Huh,” the last of her shackles fell down and Hange absentmindedly rubbed her freed wrists. “And here I thought that all Marleyans are pricks with a superiority complex. You proved me wrong,” she paused, not able to fight off a smile. “Captain Levi Ackerman.”

“So my reputation precedes me,” he sighed with a disgruntled expression. “Follow me,” he added, leading her out of the cell and down the dark, empty hallway. “And here,” he thrusted something in her hands. With a sense of bewilderment, Hange realized it was a handkerchief. “Wipe the blood off your face.”

“Oh,” Hange awkwardly chuckled. She could have used her own sleeve, but… it was kinda nice of him to offer. “Thanks. And about your reputation, yeah, you’re quite famous back at the island,” she easily fell into step with him. “Although, I admit it was hard to recognize you with all these scars.”

“That’s a courtesy of your soldiers and your deadly inventions, Commander.”

“You’re off from active duty, I take it? My men have a chance at winning this war then.”

“Had to step down from my position,” Captain said grimly. “My mother worried too much.”

“And they say Marleyans aren’t funny,” Hange opened her mouth, the cheerful laughter ready to bubble out of her throat, but then she stopped, gawking at the Captain. “Wait…” she asked cautiously. “You aren’t joking?”

“Marleyans aren’t funny,” he retorted in dead-pan voice.

This time, Hange did laugh.

“Here,” Captain led her into another cell. This one - sufficiently illuminated and with more than enough space to contain not only essentials, but a desk, a chair and even a bookshelf – was drastically different from the last.

“Wow,” Hange whistled. “This cell is almost as good as my office. Are Marleyans that welcoming to all of their prisoners?”

“Doubt you’d be feeling much at home here,” Captain Levi huffed. “Zeke is very eager to chat with you.”

“The infamous Zeke Yeager wants to talk with me? I’m impressed.”

"Just wait until he starts bragging about his royal heritage and other shit. You won't be that impressed after that."

"Well," with a grin, Hange plopped down on a bed that stood in the corner of the cell. Something was very, very wrong with her, but the company of Captain Levi was... actually enjoyable. "Will you be there to witness it?"

"A chance to see Zeke embarrass himself in front of an enemy war chief?" something that almost resembled a smile appeared on Captain's indifferent face. "Wouldn't miss it for the world, four-eyes."

***

“I’ve heard what Floch had done,” Zeke lowered his eyes and shook his head. Hange had to give it to him – he looked almost genuinely sincere. “He wasn’t acting on my orders, please believe me.”

“I know more than anyone how hard it is to rein in Floch. I took no offense, don’t fret.” Hange lifted a cup of tea Zeke brought her and looked at it skeptically. Then with the same expression of doubt, she turned her gaze back to him. “It’s safe to drink this, right?”

“Can I call you Hange?” Zeke asked. “I feel like we’re so alike, there is no need for titles.”

“Sure,” Hange shrugged. “Call me whatever you like.”

Zeke nodded, a pleased smile breaking on his face. “I would never scoop so low as to poison you, Hange,” he answered. “Meeting you is a great honor. I hope you enjoy this time as much as I do.”

Hange raised her gaze, looking over Zeke’s shoulder and exchanged a look with Captain Levi. He was wearing an irritated expression, and when their eyes met, he lifted an eyebrow, as though to tell Hange ‘I told you so’.

She hid a smile behind her cup.

“So what do you want to know?” she focused her attention back at Zeke. “The number of our troops? The location of strategic sights? How many times a day I take a shit?”

There was a sudden coughing sound, and as Hange looked up, she saw that Captain Levi turned around, his shoulders shaking slightly.

“I don’t think you understand the severity of your situation,” a smile slipped from Zeke’s lips. He obviously wasn’t as amused by her witty comeback as his Captain. “I may be kind and polite to you, but you’re still my prisoner.”

“And I don’t think you understand that I don’t give a fuck about that. Do whatever you like, Zeke. I won’t tell you anything.”

Zeke narrowed his eyes, glaring at her. “Enjoy your stay in Marley.” He declared between gritted teeth. “I’ll be seeing you again very soon.”

He rose to his feet, almost knocking a chair to the ground. Hange took a sip from her cup, watching how Zeke stormed out from her cell.

“Don’t take your eyes off her,” he instructed Levi. He muttered something else, something that sounded almost like a curse and then left.

“Wow.” Levi breathed out, when the sound of Zeke’s heavy footsteps disappeared. “I have to admit, you’re something else, four-eyes. I spent years, getting on his nerves, but five minutes with you? And he already calls ‘a fucking Eldian scum’? You’re force to be reckoned with.”

“And that was just our first meeting,” laying chin on her hand, Hange sighed dreamily. “What a nice guy. Can’t wait to see more of him.”

***

“Why are you here?”

Levi was leaning against the wall opposite from the cell Hange was contained to. As soon as the question left his lips, Hange looked up, closing the book she was reading.

An amused grin spread on her lips. “I’m sort of a prisoner here, didn’t you know?”

“I didn’t mean that,” Levi rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the wall and taking a step closer. “How did you get here? How did you get captured?”

Hange frowned, scratching her head. “Haven’t you read the report?”

Levi did, more times that he could count. He read it again and again, trying to piece together the reasons for Hange’s behavior. Trying to understand why did she act the way she did.

“Ship Wings of Freedom was spotted near Marleyan borders.” Levi effortlessly recited the beginning of report. “According to the statement from Eldian Commander Hange Zoe, they were trying to launch a surprise attack at Odiha port. The ship was ambushed before Eldians could charge an assault. The only person, who was discovered at the ship’s board and, subsequently captured, is Hange Zoe, war chief and main engineer of Paradise Island.”

“So you did read it, huh?”

“Obviously, you couldn’t be the only person on that ship.” Levi contemplated aloud. “And that means you let your soldiers escape. Why did you stay behind?”

“Someone had to create a diversion,” Hange explained so easily, as though it was a simple, trite matter and not something Levi was obsessing over ever since she was placed under his care.

“Anybody could have done it,” Levi moved closer, touching the metal bars of the cell with his chest. His cold grey eyes bored into Hange. Perhaps, if he looked hard enough, he’d be able to see it. He’d be able to understand her. “Certainly, there were other less valuable soldiers than you.”

“Exactly. I was the most valuable one. And that meant your men would think twice before killing me.”

“You stayed behind… let us capture you, because… you wanted to save your squad?”

"Well, when you put it like that..." Hange giggled, a little embarrassed. "It sounds like I'm the worst Commander ever."

She couldn't have been further from the truth. In his life as a soldier, Levi had seen his fair share of Commanders. Some were awful, while some were much better. And, as far as he could judge, Hange was the best of them all. With just one act, she showed Levi what a real Commander must look like. Self-sacrificing, fearless and loyal not only to the country they’ve served, but to their soldiers as well.

If only things were different, Levi couldn't help but think, I would have happily followed you.

"Don't you regret it?" he asked. "Leaving your soldiers without your guidance?"

"They'll manage," Hange said without an ounce of incertitude in her voice.

"You're so confident in your subordinates?"

"They're the best of the best," a proud smile curled at her lips. Hange sat back in her chair, putting hands behind her head. "Just wait until they regroup. Mark my words, Captain. They’ll crush Marley in to time."

Marley had the biggest army in the world. They had the most advanced technology. They’ve conquered several countries. They were considered an indestructible, imperishable Empire.

And if there was anyone who could stand a chance against his motherland, Levi was sure - this fit could be achieved exclusively by the soldiers who were trained and tutored by Commander Hange Zoe.

"All this bragging about your squad," a smirk pulled on Levi's lips, amusement painting his usually stoic features. "Are you trying to recruit me, Commander Hange Zoe?"

"Why," Hange gave him a sly grin, raising her eyebrow. "Is it working?"

Levi snorted. "You have to do better than that to sway me, Commander."

"Ah, a shame," she giggled. "We could have used your skills, Captain."

"Need I remind you that you don't have an army right now?"

“It’s true, I don't. Right now. But who knows what is going to happen next?"

There was a small, but enigmatic smile on her lips, and fire inside her eyes burned brighter than the torch he was standing next to. Her expression made Levi realize that not all prejudices about Eldians were wrong. Hange proved that the old Marleyan saying - Eldians always have a trick up their sleeves – could actually be true.

It was obvious that she had some kind of a plan. And it was obvious that she was confident in its success. Rooting for her was wrong, some could even interpret it as treason.

And yet— a part of him hoped that she – and her people – would succeed.

***

Levi unlocked the door, stepping inside. The moment he crossed the threshold, a pair of gentle arms wrapped themselves around his neck.

"Levi," his mother pressed him tightly to her chest. "Welcome home."

"Sorry for being late," he whispered gruffly. He pressed his face into her neck, inhaling the familiar and dear scent of chamomile and lavender. "I had so much paperwork, I was practically swimming in it."

"My poor boy," Kuchel ruffled his hair and took a step back, releasing him from her embrace. "Take off your shoes and go wash your hands. I'll heat up dinner for you."

"Thanks," Levi said, shrugging off his formal coat and undoing his tie. As he stripped his uniform, breathing came a little easier.

"So?" Kuchel put a plate with broth in front of Levi and sat down next to him. "Is it true? Did they really capture Eldian Commander?"

"Yeah," Levi nodded, after he swallowed the first spoon of broth. "I've been assigned to watch over her."

Kuchel perked up. "And? Is she as terrible as they say?"

"No." Levi held the spoon a little tighter. He pursed his lips, staring in his plate with a faraway look. “She’s not terrible at all. Quite the contrary. I know that it’s wrong but… I think she’s a good person.”

"Eldian Commander?"

"Yes. Hange. She's my enemy, I know that. And I know that I must despise her, but... She's so good, mom. She's brave and she cares about her people, and... I can't help but think if this," he gave a vague gesture, "our lives - would have been better if people like Commander Hange were in charge. It makes me think… maybe, Kenny, that old bastard, was right."

"Honey..." Kuchel lovingly patted his cheek and exhaled, her beautiful grey eyes filling with sadness at the mention of her late brother. "During times like this, it’s hard to know what’s wrong and what’s right. Isn’t it wrong to kill people? Isn’t it wrong to hate an entire nation just because we don’t share the same name? They’re people just like us. Just like us, they can be good or bad. It's easier to hate them, to see them as monsters that need to be slayed. Doesn't mean that it's true. And if you see your enemy as someone worth of admiring, if you can forget about you differences and see just another person, isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it something we should aspire to? You’re a kind and good man, Levi. And if there were more people like you… maybe, we wouldn’t be fighting this war at all.”

Silence fell over the small kitchen room. Levi thought about his mother’s words, he tried to imagine a world she was talking about. A better, kinder world with no hatred and prejudices. A world, where peace and happiness were more prevalent than war, starvation and poverty.

A world like this would have been nice. But sadly, it was nothing more than utopia.

“Well, that was enough philosophical monologues for one evening!" Kuchel chirped, jumping to her feet. "Quickly, eat the broth before it gets cold. I'll brew you a cup of tea in the meanwhile."

Levi complied, diving into his dinner. From the corner of his eyes, he continued watching his mother move around the kitchen. She stood on her tiptoes, reaching out to the higher shelf. As she did so, the sleeve of her dress rolled up, revealing an ugly, purple bruise around her wrist.

He was by her side in an instant.

"What is this?" he hissed, carefully lifting her arm. Kuchel looked at him, her eyed widening in alarm. "What is this?" Levi repeated, even though he already knew the answer.

"Honey-"

"Did that bastard do it?" he let go of her hand. His anger was growing and he didn't want his mother to become an accidental victim of it. He turned around and started to pace around the room. "I'll go to him." He declared, his whole body shaking with rage. He spoke quietly, but every word was filled with cold, merciless fury. "I'll kill that scumbag with my bare hands, I'll make him regret ever touching you."

"Levi!" Kuchel rushed to him, cradling his face in her palms. "Levi, calm down. This was just an accident. He apologized and it would never happen again, I swear."

In the arms of his mother, Levi's fury had lessened. He stared at her, as another feeling took its place instead of anger. The feeling of helplessness and despair.

"You can't continue seeing this bastard,” he said, almost pleading. “He hurts you, and I can't watch it happen."

"My boy," Kuchel kissed his forehead. "My Levi, we don’t really have a choice, remember? But, please, don’t worry about me, I’m doing alright. As long as you're with me, everything is going to be just fine."

"That was the last time," Levi promised, the fire returning to his gaze. "It was the last time he hurt you. General or not, if he ever does it again, I'll kill him. I'll kill him even if that would be the last thing I do. I won't let anyone make you suffer."

“Levi…” Kuchel sighed, quietly and warily. She lowered her hands and turned away, hiding the pain inside her eyes from Levi. He watched her back, his chest tightening. In that moment, his mother looked so small, so fragile. Levi despised the man who made her feel this way and his uncle, who put them into this mess. He despised their world for making her suffer so much.

And more than anything, he despised himself for not being able to protect her.

***

Hange's next meeting with Zeke was vastly different from the first. Instead of a small, suffocating cell, it was conducted in a large, spacious room with big windows and high ceilings.

And as Levi had led her inside, she was astonished to see that Zeke wasn't alone. The other generals - probably the entire main body of Marleyan brass - were waiting for her arrival.

All these attention to the little, insignificant her? And they say Marleyans aren't charming...

“Gentleman!” she greeted with a blindingly bright smile on her lips. There was a chair in the middle of the room, and she plopped down on it, still wearing the same happy expression. “Good day to all of you!”

Levi took his place just behind her shoulder. Hange glanced at him briefly – he stood with his hands behind his back, his head raised up high. Their eyes met – just for a second – but it was enough to calm her nerves.

Captain Levi was not an ally, most certainly not her friend, but amidst all foes, he was the only thing that gave her comfort.

A citizen and a loyal soldier of a country that wanted her dead, Captain Levi was the sole source of light in her life during these dark times.

“So?” Hange put hands on her knees, her gaze studying each member of Marleyan brass carefully. “What did you call me here for?”

“I’m sure you already know,” Zeke, who sat at the center of the table, took the word. He seemed more controlled than during their last meeting, and a confident smile has returned to his lips. “We haven’t finished our earlier conversation.”

Hange arched an eyebrow. “Still interested in my shitting techniques?”

“No.” Zeke answered grimly. A few surprised chuckles came from his colleagues around the table, and Hange could almost hear the sound of his teeth gritting against each other in frustration. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

“We are more interested in other aspects of your job,” a man that sat next to Zeke spoke. “My name is Winston Greeves, it’s nice to meet you, Commander. Now,” he leaned closer, prepping his chin with his hand. “Is there something you wish to tell us? Something related to the state of your troops, perhaps?”

Hange lifted her head and tapped her lower lip with a finger. “Is there something that I wish to tell you…” she murmured pensively. “I guess I can tell you how much I’ve been enjoying your country and your hospitality...”

“Again, that’s not exactly what we want to hear ,” Greeves said, and the easy smile that was plastered on his face just moments ago became a little too tight around the edges.

“I would stop this farce, if I were you,” Zeke spoke again, his voice low and almost growl-like. “Unlike your barbaric, primitive island, Marley is a civilized nation, but that doesn’t mean we’re above using techniques that would undoubtedly untie your tongue.”

“Was that supposed to frighten me?” Hange asked with a bored, unimpressed look. She took off her glasses, wiping them with the sleeve of her shirt and looking at Zeke beneath her eyebrows. “Do better next time, Zeke. You think that threats would work on me? You think that promise of pain would make me submit? You think that there is anything you can do to me that will make me betray my own country? I surrendered willingly to you, idiots, I knew exactly what was going to happen to me. And I knew that I wouldn’t be getting out of it alive.”

“You’re right,” Zeke nodded. “You won’t survive. You will die, Hange Zoe. You will die regretting your loyalty and devotion. You will die, but not before you spill out to me every last one of your secrets.”

“Till our next meeting,” he promised darkly, gesturing Levi to take her away.

***

"Zeke's nice guy persona is slipping," Hange muttered, as Levi led her back to her cell. "I wonder what this sudden urgency is all about..."

Levi pursed his lips, thinking. He probably shouldn't say this to Hange. It was classified information, known only to the highest members of brass. If anyone finds out that he revealed it to Hange, without a doubt, he'd join her in that cell. And that's in the best case scenario.

On the other hand, there was no one Hange would pass this information onto. Telling it to her would have no consequences whatsoever.

Levi had decided. He turned to face Hange, but before his mouth could start forming words, a familiar smell entered his nostrils.

Chamomile and lavender.

He whirled around. General Greeves himself was standing behind him.

"Ackerman," he spat, barely looking at him. "We need to talk."

"Can't it wait?" Levi didn't bother to hide irritation from his voice. "I have to take care of the prisoner."

"The Eldian can wait." Greeves scoffed. "It's not like she can escape. Leave her and follow me."

Levi glanced back at Hange. She was looking right at him, her head tilted to the side, watching the exchange intently. There was a curious spark in her eyes and something else, something that looked almost like... concern? Whatever it was, Levi had no time to decipher that.

"I'll be right back," he told her curtly and followed after Greeves.

***

"Is your mother free this evening?" Greeves bluntly asked the second they were out of Hange's earshot.

"She is not," Levi said lowly. He looked at Greeves and all he could see was the frail pale wrist of his mother that was painted in mix of purple and dark yellow. It took all of his willpower and then more not to latch onto Greeves' neck and kill the bastard with his own hands.

"Then make sure she is." Greeves snapped. "And wipe that scowl from your face, boy. Or do you need reminding just how much I’ve done for you?"

Levi said nothing, just glared at Greeves from beneath his fridge.

Greeves looked around, the hallway was empty save for Hange, but he cared not for her. He grabbed Levi by the collar of his uniform, his hold strong enough to lift him off the floor.

"You have the gall, Ackerman," he hissed right into his face. "You, who got from me an apartment in the center of a capital and a fancy title of a Captain. Do you think I won't take it away from you? Do you think your mother is that good that I won't throw you out on a street? Or I can do much, much worse," a malicious smile spread on his lips, as he stared down at Levi as though he was nothing. "I can reveal a little secret. I can tell everyone that the dreaded Kenny the Ripper was actually an uncle of the brave and great Captain Levi Ackerman. Do you want me to do that, hm? Do you want the whole world to know that you were raised by a traitor? Do you want to repeat his fate alongside your dear mother? Believe me, getting lynched on the street is not the best way to go. So stop with attitude and be a good boy, understand?" Levi kept his silence and, furious, Greeves violently shook him. "I asked - do you understand?"

Levi thought of saying no. He thought of throwing the bastard's hands off him and punching him in the face. He thought of taking his gun out, of shooting him right in the center of that ugly, narrow forehead of his and watching life leave his eyes. His hand twitched.

But then he thought of his mother, of what they would do to her if he decides to succumb to his rage, of how many bruises would appear on her body after that.

He met Greeves's eyes and nodded.

"Use your words, brat."

Fury spiked inside him again, threatening to bubble out of his chest, his muscles, his bones and unleash itself onto his enemy.

He closed his eyes for a second, and the face of his mother appeared behind his eyelids. He saw her beautiful eyes, her tired but gentle smile.

"Yes." He said, his voice loud and clear. "I understand."

"Atta boy," Greeves smiled and roughly pushed him away, making Levi stumble. "Tell your mother my shift ends at seven. And I hope it goes without saying that you better not show your face while I'm there. Dismissed, Captain."

Greeves left after that, humming under his breath. It took Levi a couple of minutes to calm down. He stood frozen in place, breathing heavily as though he had just finished a marathon. He was so angry, his vision clouded. He saw nothing but blood. He wished for nothing but violence.

A careful, warm hand on his shoulder broke him out of his trance. He whirled around and was met face to face with none other than Commander Hange Zoe.

"Are you alright?" she murmured softly. The concern in her eyes was more prominent now. He stared at her for a second, wondering what was wrong with her. How much kindness was stored in her heart if she had enough to spare even for her enemy.

Well, he thought bitterly, it was her kindness that had led her there, to Marleyan prison and straight into Zeke’s arms.

In their world, it was best not to care at all. If only he knew how to do that, he lamented as the disquieted expression on Hange's face insistently tugged at his heart.

"Worry about yourself, four-eyes," he tore his eyes away from, putting on the familiar mask of cold asshole and trying to convince himself that that's what he really was. "Let's go, your cell awaits you."

***

When he came home that night, two hours after midnight his mother was already asleep. Or, at the very least, she appeared to be. The door to her room was closed and the house was dark. He approached it nevertheless, his hand touching the wooden surface. He almost knocked, but stopped himself before his hand curled into fist. He ached to know if she was alright, but he already knew that she wasn't, and going inside would only make all of it worse.

The world they live is cruel, he reminded himself, as he turned away and headed to his room. He tore off his uniform, kicking it in the corner.

He lay in his bed, fighting back tears. Fury and sorrow mixed in his mind, as he thought what his mother had to endure today, as he remembered that there was nothing he could to cease her suffering.

Their world was cruel, he remembered, and the only thing they could do is try to survive.

***

Levi took the next day off.

He woke up with the first rays of sunshine and quietly made his way to the kitchen. He cooked breakfast for his mother and then went out to the market to buy her flowers and pastries. He returned back home and went to wake her up.

The smile she gave him at the sight of fresh flowers and warm meal was enough to make him forget about his troubling thoughts.

"Let's take a walk," he offered after the breakfast was over and he dealt with the dishes.

His mother put on one of her best dresses. She let her hair down, and, as she put her arm through Levi's, a small, but endlessly happy smile curved at her lips.

"Shall we?" he asked after he put on his hat.

Kuchel giggled, covering her mouth with a palm, a picture of elegance. She made a small curtsy and murmured. "After you, my dear." The stroll through the park was nice.

They walked around for a bit, and then, when Levi's injured leg started to ache in protest, they sat down on a bench, enjoying the warm weather in the shadow of a big tree.

Knowing his son's quiet nature, Kuchel took it upon herself to fill the silence. She spoke about birds and how prettily they were singing, gushed over children that were running around and waxed poetic about trees, flowers and how beautiful they looked in the spring.

She was just telling Levi how much she enjoyed the smell of cherries when they're in bloom, when he saw one cheery petal fell down. It landed on Kuchel, tangling in her luscious, black hair.

Levi reached out to take it out and realized - it was time. He had to speak with his mother, had to tell her everything that's been on his mind.

"Mom," he began, looking her in the eyes. "Listen—"

"Shh," Kuchel pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Levi, don't. I know what you want to say, and I'm asking you - don't. Our situation isn't the best, I can't deny it. But it's better than the fate your uncle has suffered. We're both still alive, we're still together. I can still be your mom, can welcome you home from work and take walks with you in the park. And that's more than enough for me. So," she pushed the hair away from his forehead and leaned in, leaving a kiss on his forehead. "Let's just enjoy this moment. Sometimes it's all we can do, my dear."

Something in the tone of her voice, the way she didn't look in his eyes evoked a feeling of dread inside him. It brought Levi unprompted desperation. He took his mother's hand in his and gripped it just a little tighter than usually.

Enjoy the moment, he repeated to himself, sometimes that's all we can do.

***

Levi returned to work the next day— and regretted ever leaving his post.

A couple of plates stood next to the Hange's cell, all of them untouched.

Hange herself wasn't in her usual spot, sitting behind the desk with a book in her hands. She was lying on the bed, facing the wall.

Levi swallowed and unlocked the door, stepping inside.

"Hey," he called softly, hoping that Hange just decided to take a nap and didn't hear him approach. She didn't respond. "Hey, it's me," he tried again, but received no answer once more.

His stomach fell as he thought about the reasons for her silence.

He hurried to her side and laid a hand on her shoulder. It was still warm. Levi let out a barely audible sigh of relief. Still warm meant still alive.

He shook her. "Get up, four-eyes."

"No," came her curt reply. Her voice was gruff, almost lifeless. Hearing it broke something in him.

Levi looked at Commander Hange, thinking what to do. Then he saw it - red seeping through the yellow of her shirt.

Zeke's methods in action, he thought grimly.

He turned around and marched out of the cell. With hurried steps, he went into infirmary and grabbed a med kit.

Commander Hange wasn't going to die. Not on his watch, at least.

"Get up," he ordered once he was back in her cell.

"No."

"Get up," he repeated, kicking the leg of the bed. "Right fucking now, four-eyes, those wounds of your need dressing."

A short laugh escaped from her lips. It was bitter and devoid of any mirth. "Why do you, of all people, worry about me?"

"I don't," Levi easily retorted. "But your people do. They want to get you back. It'd be a shame if their loyalty would result in nothing because you got too tired to continue fighting."

"Don't lecture me. What do you, Marleyan, know about my people?"

"More than you do, apparently."

That finally got her to face him.

The sight of Commander Hange almost made him choke. Her face was a mess, what was not bruised was covered in blood. Her nose looked broken and her right eye was swollen.

He felt bile rise to his throat as he continued to stare at the results of Zeke's desire to win this war.

"What do you mean?" Hange asked, her voice wary. Life slowly started to return to her eyes. “Do you know something?”

"Not much," Levi shrugged. "But there had been reports about suspicious activity on the south borders. They think your guys are getting ready to attack. That's why Zeke is so impatient to get information out of you."

Zeke was scared shitless. All of them were. Marley was an imperishable Empire who was involved in too many wars. They didn't have enough people to defend themselves in case of the attack on their land. With most of their soldiers fighting and conquering in countries far away, if Paradise attacks, they'll be practically defenseless.

"So quit moping," he told Hange. "Let me fix your wounds and then I'll bring you more food. Save your strength, four-eyes. Don't let your soldiers down."

"Has anyone ever told you you're quite rude, Captain?"

"More times that I could have count, Commander. Now, quickly, turn around and take off your shirt. We'll deal with the wounds here first."

"Bossy, aren't we?" Hange huffed, but complied and started to unbutton her shirt.

As she pushed the yellow cloth down, revealing her bare shoulders and back, Levi sighed in relief. The wounds there weren't as severe as he had expected.

Still, severe or not, the injuries had to be cleaned and dressed. Levi set out to work.

The touch of disinfectant to her bare skin made Hange hiss, but she didn't recoil. A soldier through and through, Levi noted with a growing sense of admiration.

"You weren't here yesterday," Hange spoke, her voice shaking slightly. "What were you doing?"

"Went to a park."

"Oh," Hange turned her face to the side, looking at him curiously. "Did you take Missus Ackerman with you?"

"Miss Ackerman," Levi corrected. "My mother."

“Interesting,” she hummed, biting her thumb. “So Marley’s strongest soldier is actually a momma’s boy?”

“Thinking of using it against me, Commander Hange?”

“You know what they say,” she shrugged, a smile pulling at her lips. It suited her a lot more than the pathetic expression from earlier. “All’s fair in war.”

“You’re cruel.”

“I’m effective.”

“And very annoying,” Levi scoffed, taking a step back. “Put on your shirt and turn around. I need to take care of the mess on your face now.”

“Why are you helping me?” Hange wondered, as Levi inspected her wounds, holding her chin in his hands.

“I’m not,” Levi answered, his gaze focused on the cut on her eyebrow. “I’m a loyal soldier of my country.”

“So by taking care of me…”

“I’m making sure that you live on. So you could reveal more information to us.”

The lie slipped easily from his lips. So easily that Levi almost began to think that it was the truth.

Commander Hange Zoe, however, wasn’t so effortlessly convinced.

“And yet you haven’t asked me a single question, Captain.”

“Levi,” he grunted, as he started to gently wipe the blood from her forehead.

“What?”

“Call me Levi.”

“Oh.” She looked down for a second, mumbling something under her breath. Her voice was too quiet, but Levi thought that she was mouthing his name. Then she raised her eyes and met his. A soft smile was playing on her lips. “Then you should call me Hange.”

“Nah,” he said, desperately trying to fight back a smile. “Four-eyes suits you much better.”

***

A week later the news came.

The base in Lago, where the main body of their navy was located, was destroyed. No survivors. No witnesses.

A banner of Wings of Freedom that was now fluttering in the wind at the top of the once great Lago base was enough of a clue, though.

The pride of Marley, the fear of dozens of their enemy nations, Lago base was thought to be indestructible. Just like Marley itself.

A week later the news came. The next day, Commander Hange Zoe lost an eye.

***

“Stop it with that face.”

“What face?” Levi tore his gaze away from the bloodied mess and a lifeless white that once had been a lively, rich brown color.

“That face. Stop looking so angry. Or I will start thinking that you care.”

Hange lifted a finger, and then— before Levi could react – slap her hand or push her away – she bopped his nose. He blinked and looked down. He didn’t know what face he was making right now, but it had Hange snickering.

“That’s better,” she declared.

“Idiot,” Levi scoffed and turned away, fumbling with the med kit he had brought. He was more than familiar with its contents by now, having regularly used it to treat her wounds, but he felt the need to keep himself busy, and, more importantly, keep himself facing away from Commander Hange. If she had noticed the flush on his face, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. “Of course, I do care. Your wound is bleeding. It ruins the sheets, you know.”

“Ah,” Hange nodded. “That is a serious problem.”

“More than you know. I wash those sheets, if you didn’t know.”

“You do? The great Captain Levi washes the sheets of a mere Eldian prisoner?”

“No one else wishes to do it. And I can’t stand that reek.”

“Oh god,” her remaining eye lighted up, as though Levi has just said the most wonderful thing she had ever heard. “I can’t believe it, Captain Levi Ackerman, the fear of all Eldians,” she paused dramatically, an amused smile playing on her lips. “Is actually a clean freak.”

Levi arched an eyebrow, giving the most unimpressed look he could muster. “Has anyone told you’re very stupid?”

“Never,” she confessed proudly. “I’m actually considered one of the smartest people in Paradise.”

“Makes sense then, why you’re losing this war.”

“Ouch,” Hange winced. “That actually hurt.”

“Speaking of pain…” Levi took a cloth dapped in antiseptic into his hand and grabbed Hange by the chin. “Let me take a look at your eye.”

In his years as a soldier, Levi had seen his share of injuries. But he had never got used to it. The sight of broken bones and lacerated skin, of blood seeping through uniform and sinking in between trembling fingers, it was a sight he just couldn’t get accustomed to, no matter how hard he tried and no matter how many battles he had witnessed and survived.

The wound that he was now seeing on the face of Hange Zoe wasn’t an exception. Looking at the cut running through her eye, the eye that was always filled with so much life and emotion, he felt sadness sip deep into his heart.

“Not as handsome as I was before, eh?” Hange lowered her voice to a quiet murmur, and when he glanced down at her face, he saw that she was wearing a hesitant expression.

“Nonsense,” Levi shook his head, chasing away his troubling thoughts, and began to wipe the blood away from her face. “Who told you were handsome before?”

“You are even snarkier than usual today.” Hange noted, her only eye looking at him closely. “Is there a reason for it, I wonder?”

“Who did this?” Levi asked. “Zeke?”

The hold he had on her jaw tightened ever so slightly, as he fought to conceal his anger. Thankfully, Hange didn’t comment on it.

“No. This little monster I had created myself.”

“Floch,” Levi guessed instantly. Of course, how he could forget about that damned bastard. “Well, if it gives you any consolation, Zeke isn’t having the time of his life either.”

“Oh?”

“Lago base was attacked, and, subsequently, destroyed.”

“Oh…” Hange bit her lip, a cautious and almost worried expression on her face. “And the attackers…”

“Were never found. The only thing that was discovered is the banner of Wings of Freedom.”

“Huh,” a wide, excited grin spread on her lips. “A stealthy approach then. Definitely one of Armin’s ideas.”

Levi kept his silence, continuing to work on her wound.

“What,” Hange playfully kicked his leg. “You’re not going to ask who that Armin is? His full name? His rank?”

“I’ll leave the interrogation stuff to Zeke,” Levi pursed his lips, the disgust showing at his face at the thought of the bearded jerk. “My job is cleaning up his messes.”

“And looking after me,” Hange said with a soft look in her eye. “You’re such a good man, Levi. So kind to me…”

“It’s not kindness,” Levi scoffed, doing his best to remain nonchalant and hide his discomfort. “Just basic human decency.”

“You think I deserve it?”

You deserve it more than most, he wanted to say.

“Why wouldn’t you deserve it,” he answered instead. “You’re a human too, aren’t you?”

Hange chuckled, the sound quiet and bitter. “Most of your countrymen would disagree.”

“I told you already. I’m not the most.”

“But you’ve told me something else too,” Hange argued. She lifted her hand and traced the line from his cheek to his mouth. “These scars… you said they were caused by the weapon I created. Don’t you hate me for that?”

“No.” Levi echoed. “You’re not at fault here. The war is.”

Hange fell silent after that, lost in her thoughts. To an accompaniment of her shallow breathing and infrequent hisses, Levi finished tending to her injury. He cleaned the wound, did his best to stitch the cut skin together and then dressed it in a white gauze.

When he was tying the ends at the back of her head, Hange softly touched his arm.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “For making survival just a bit easier for me.”

Levi looked into her eye, swept his gaze across all of her face and body, carving it to his memory, and nodded.

He turned around then and left her cell. As he walked through the empty, ill-lit hallways, he thought if Hange was able to understand, if she could see in his eyes that he was grateful to her for all the same reasons.

***

“Captain.”

Without asking for permission, without waiting for an invitation, Zeke waltzed inside Levi’s office, plopping down on the chair beside his desk.

“I came to talk with you,” he announced, that infuriating smile plastered to his lips. “Do you have a moment?”

“For you, Zeke?” Levi made sure to put as much sarcasm and distain in his voice as it was possible. “Always.”

“Excellent!” Zeke eagerly clasped his hands together. He either didn’t notice or simply didn’t care enough to respond to Levi’s taunting. “I wanted to discuss with you the infamous Commander Hange.”

His stomach fell as those words left Zeke’s mouth. Whatever he was going to say next, Levi was sure he wouldn’t like it. He didn’t let any of his anxiety show at his face, though, and so Levi nodded, prompting Zeke to continue.

“She’s a tough nut to crack, and as you’re well aware, we’re losing our precious time. We need to get at least something out of her, or the whole country is doomed.”

“And how is that my problem?” Levi lazily inquired. “Torturing people isn’t one of my responsibilities.”

“I’m not asking you to torture her, I doubt you can do that,” Zeke said it flippantly, like an after-thought. But his eyes stared at Levi intently, gauging his reaction. “But she trusts you. And I need you to exploit it.”

“Trusts me?” Levi scoffed, genuinely surprised by Zeke’s assertion. “We’re talking about Eldian Commander, do you think she’d be stupid enough to trust me?”

“You’re closer to her than any of us,” Zeke protested, serious, despite his ridiculous claims.

“So what?” Levi sat back in his chair, crossing hands on his chest and staring at Zeke with a deep frown on his face. “She lets me dress her wounds. That doesn’t mean she trusts me.”

“On the contrary. That’s exactly what it means. Do you think I’m such a barbarian, Levi?” Zeke asked, before Levi could continue protesting. “Do you think I have not offered to take care of her wounds? She laughed at me and then spat in my face.”

Despite his best efforts, Levi’s lips twitched as he fought back a smile. If only he could see it… The expression Zeke made in that moment, it was probably the one of pure disgust and hatred. Levi had spent years trying to make Zeke look at him like that.

Truly, Commander Hange Zoe was something else.

“Talk with her, Levi,” Zeke ordered, his voice tainted with anger at the sight of Levi’s clear amusement. “Do your country a service. Or else I’m going to dig deeper into the reasons of why Commander Zoe trusts you so. You wouldn’t want to become second Kenny the Ripper, would you? Your mother wouldn’t be able to take it. So think of her, if the loyalty to your country isn’t enough to motivate you.”

Without waiting for Levi’s reply, Zeke stood up and headed to the door.

“I hope you’ll make the right choice,” he said at last, and then disappeared behind the door, leaving Levi alone.

***

Another week passed, and all the main forces of their army were brought in to the capital. The brass looked at the young, but worn-out faces, at the once strong bodies that were now claimed by exhaustion and traumas, and realized – they had no army.

Their unwinnable, perfect soldiers, the elite of elites, they were too few of them. A lot had died far away from their motherland, conquering countries at the other side of the world, while the others fell victims to stray bullets and bombshells which left them broken and unable to fight.

And the military of indestructible Empire realized – they were going to lose this war.

***

Levi came home that evening, and found his mother behind a weasel, painting a tree branch that was visible from their window.

“I’m home,” he announced for his mother was too occupied with her work to notice his arrival.

At the sound of his voice, she turned around, and the brilliant smile on her lips was enough to calm his raging heart.

“You picked up art again?” he asked, as he approached her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

“I felt a sudden feat of inspiration,” she said, her voice like a sweet melody. “Although, I’m afraid my skills got a bit rough…”

“It’s beautiful,” Levi assured. “Did you eat dinner already?”

“Oh no,” her eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth. “I forgot to make it.”

“I’ll cook something for us, don’t worry. I’ll call you when it’s ready, you can continue painting.”

“Such a sweet boy,” she shook her head, lifting a brush and dipping it in a green paint. “How are things at work?”

Their second base, this one much closer to the capital was destroyed.

The situation was as bad as it could possibly be. Eldian forces were making rapid progress, and no one knew what to do to stop the invasion. They didn't have enough men to defend themselves, and, to make matters worse, they were yet to actually see the Eldian soldiers. The devils from Paradise remained hidden, striking from the shadows.

Zeke had departed from the capital, going to the closest army base to train the new recruits. Most of the Marleyan brass followed after him - Greeves had left too, and Levi suspected that it was the reason for his mother's good mood. They claimed they wanted to overlook the trainings, but Levi knew better - in case of the attack on the capital, they were hoping to wait it out in the safety of base's bunkers.

Zeke had left, but he sent Levi letters every day, asking on his progress with Hange. And every day, Levi had to come up with another lie to explain to him the absence of results.

So no, things at work weren't going that good, but then Levi remembered a smile that bloomed on Hange's face as he told her about the accomplishments of her soldiers, and he said.

"The work? It's going fine."

***

In a desperate attempt to showcase their superiority, to prove to the whole world that they're still the same indestructible Marley, the government decided to throw a parade.

The soldiers were rehearsing for days at end, perfecting their matching technique.

The sound of their tramps boomed through the main courtyard and reverberated through the stone walls of the army headquarters, as military officials and army engineers ran around, preparing the best and most advanced weaponry to show everyone their might.

During a day like this Levi led Hange out of her cell.

She walked through the hallways with a spring in her step and her hands dangling from side to side. For a tortured prisoner, she looked far too cheerful.

"Are you leading me to the gallows?" she asked in a playful singing voice.

Levi swept his gaze across her form, something coming alive inside him at the sight of her looking so joyful. "Unfortunately, no."

"Hm.” Hange nodded, narrowing her eye. “And what about the handcuffs?" she raised her free wrists. "Where are they? Am I not supposed to be an important and dangerous prisoner?"

"Are you going to run away, four-eyes?" Levi looked at her, a spark of amusement lightening his bored expression.

"I could try," she challenged.

"You could," Levi agreed. "And you wouldn't take more than two steps before I catch you."

"I could take you by surprise..."

"And you're saying this to prepare me for that surprise?"

Hange's bravado disappeared without a trace. "Damn your perceptiveness..." she muttered with a slight pout.

"So where are you taking me?" she repeated her question.

"To the bathroom."

"Eh?" a look of confusion settled over her face. "Is this a new method of torture?"

"No. I'm just sick of your smell. You reek worse than a pig, four-eyes."

"Ah, your clean freaky tendencies,” she snickered. “Of course, how could I forget."

“Take your clothes off,” he instructed once they were inside a brightly lit room with a bathtub standing at the center of it.

“I see you already prepared the water…” she murmured, approaching the tub and dipping her fingers in it. “And it’s still warm!”

“Don’t waste any more time then. Get inside, four-eyes.”

“Wait,” Hange sat at the edge of the tub and eyed him suspiciously. “You’re going to stay in the room with me?”

“You’re an important and dangerous prisoner,” he used her words from before. “Can’t exactly leave you here all alone, can I?”

“Or you just can’t resist my sexy and curvy body…” she whispered with a smirk on her lips.

“Start cleaning yourself,” Levi hastily turned around, hiding his blush. “Or I’ll do it myself.”

“Oh, will you be rough?” her sultry, sulky voice was quiet, but enticing. Levi hated the fact that it made his heart beat faster. “Will you manhandle me? Make me submit to your commands?”

“For fuck’s sake!” he growled, his ears and cheeks burning. “Just shut up and take a damn bath!”

“You’re no fun…” he heard her mumble. A moment later, he heard another sound, the one that made him exhale in relief – a sound of splashing water that signaled that Hange finally got inside the bathtub.

Levi tuned out everything else after that and stared out of the window, watching the soldiers march – one foot, then another, left and right, left and right, each move precise and controlled.

“So they’re organizing a parade,” Hange said. “Marley really doesn’t care that Paradise can attack at any moment?”

“On the contrary,” Levi disagreed. “Your guys got army higher-ups terrified as ever.”

“So this parade…”

“Is meant to show the other countries that we’re still as strong as ever, and ensure our own people that we got everything under control.”

“Not bad,” Hange hummed. “When people in Paradise start to doubt the government, they just start throwing shit at us.”

Despite himself, Levi chuckled. “Literally or figuratively?”

“Depends on how much we fucked up.”

“Paradise sounds more and more like my kind of country…” he mused quietly.

“I told you already,” Hange said, and without even looking at her, Levi could see the proud smirk on her face. “We could use your skills.”

“Are you trying to recruit me again, Commander?”

“It depends – is it working?”

Yes, Levi wanted to say. In the end, he said nothing.

“Hey,” she called. “Help me wash my hair, please.”

Levi wordlessly complied. He stood behind her back, his gaze involuntarily darting to the myriad of scars on her shoulder blades. He wondered about the story behind them. Without thinking, he reached out and traced the outline of one blemish, the one that ran along her spine.

“I have a lot of time to think nowadays,” Hange began, snapping Levi out of his reverie. He pulled his hand away, as fast as he could. The warmth from her skin lingered at his fingertips, making him wish to savor it for as long as possible. Ignoring the pleasant feeling, he pushed her down, wetting her hair. Then, when Hange reemerged, he squeezed shampoo onto his hands and buried them into her brown locks, gently carding through her hair. “I know it’s a bit stupid, and I know you most probably will laugh at me, or call me crazy, but… I thought if things were different, if—”

“If I wasn’t me, and you weren’t you?” Levi prompted, his voice hollow. He thought about the same thing.

“Yes,” Hange gave a slight nod. “If we had met under different circumstances, could we become… friends?”

Friends. What a weird word, what a constellation of different, but equally warm feelings. Affection, trust and care… They meant nothing to him. In all the years he was living in this world, he never really had anyone who could fit that description. He had colleagues, had brothers in arms, had his family… but a friend? He wasn’t familiar with that concept.

But if he was, Hange Zoe would probably fit that description to a tee.

If only things were different…

“Close your eyes,” he ordered, ignoring her question as though it had never been asked. “It’s time to rinse your hair.”

“Thank you,” Hange said, when she was finished with a bath and put on the fresh clothes Levi had brought her. It was his own, the white shirt was too wide for Hange in the shoulders and a little short in the sleeve’s area. She should have noticed, she probably had. She didn’t comment on it. “The bath was nice.”

She lowered her head after that, refusing to meet his eyes.

Even so, Levi nodded. “Let’s get back then. Your wounds need redressing.”

Hange followed him without another word. As he led her back, one thought repeated itself over and over in his head.

If only things were different…

***

The parade was fast approaching. And with that, came a spread of a rumor amongst high ranking officers that the attack was going to happen during the festivities. It was based on nothing, a little less than a stupid superstition.

Still, the atmosphere at the capital was becoming tenser and tenser with each passing day.

Zeke had come back along with other members of military, disappointed in Levi and desperate to get at least something out of unyielding Commander, something they could use to protect themselves before it was too late.

The absence of time was working in Levi's favor. Zeke couldn't spare even a second on him, otherwise he'd surely investigate the suspicious lack of any results.

Levi too had his fair share of reasons for anxieties. He couldn't leave the capital, his absence would be noticed immediately and punished severally, but he wasn't so keen to escape. He was ready to stand with other soldiers and do his best to protect his homeland, but his mother... His mother was another matter completely. He couldn't leave her in the city, even if Hange's people weren't quite as cruel, a fallen building or one particularly bloodthirsty soldier could become a reason for his mother's demise.

He couldn't let it happen.

So in the middle of the night, three days before the parade, Levi paid a visit to an old acquaintance.

Uri Reiss, the biggest adversary against Marley's imperial tendencies, the leader of a once influential political party and the sole reason of Kenny's early and shameful loss of a life, was now in the hiding, living the last days of his glory in the slumps at the edge of the city.

When Levi came, he was sitting in front of a fire with his legs folded underneath him, surrounded by a group of people.

Levi briefly wondered if that were his new followers. Looks like the bastard had lost everything, except his charm, he thought bitterly.

Uri looked bad, old and weary, he was a far cry from the charismatic and sharp man his uncle had decided to follow all those years ago. He was wearing baggy, dirty clothes that were patched up too many times. The only part of his garb that still seemed clean, the only thing he obviously took great care of, was a hat he was wearing on his head.

Kenny's hat, Levi realized after a second of staring at it.

Even after all those ten years that passed since Kenny's death, Levi still remembered that hat.

Remembered how easy it was to find his uncle in the crowd of people because of it. Remembered the texture, the feeling of it in his hands from those rare moments, when Kenny put it on his head.

Of course, he left it to that bastard. Gave it away, easily just like his life.

The mere thought of Kenny evoked a sense of deep, forgotten rage in Levi. The mere sight of his friend, the damned Uri Reiss that condemned their whole family with his naive beliefs, was enough to make Levi fume with anger.

"Levi," Uri squinted, looking at him. "Is that really you? What are you doing here?"

He stepped closer, the shadows from the fire that Uri and his friends were sitting around dancing across his face. "I came to collect my debt."

"Your debt?"

"Yes," he nodded. "You promised Kenny, I know you did, he told me so himself. In exchange for his life, you promised that in time of need, you'll help me and my mother."

"I hope you understand that my hands are quite tied, and I don't have the influence I once possessed," Uri tilted his head, his abnormally bright eyes studying Levi. Despite his old age, despite his current state, his eyes remained the same. The same wit and wisdom Kenny couldn't resist, they were still there. "So what do you want?"

"I'm not going to ask for much," Levi assured him. "I just need you to take my mother out of the city, as far away as you can manage."

"Ah, beautiful Kuchel," Uri shook his head, a wistful smile playing on his thin lips. "Kenny had a soft spot for her too. For both of you, you were the only thing he cared about..."

"And yet he gave his life for your cause," Levi growled, his hands squeezing into fists. “And left us to deal with consequences."

He always hated Uri, hated how much influence he had over Kenny. Hated how in the end, Kenny chose him, and not them, his family.

"Will you do this or not?"

"I—" Uri faltered for a second, something changing in the depth of his eyes. "Of course, I'll help you, Levi. In three days, I'll send one of my men to fetch Kuchel from your apartment. They'll bring her to a safe place, you have my word."

"Good," Levi turned around, unable to look at the bastard any longer.

"And you, Levi?" Uri called after him. "Don't you wish to leave too?"

"No," he answered, his gaze determined. "I'll stay here. Until the end."

***

Convincing his mother to leave proved to be a tougher challenge than Levi had expected. But in the end, after swearing to her that he would join her very soon, he was able to persuade her to start packing her things.

And that's how he spent the remaining three days - helping his mother and keeping Hange company. As though sensing the approach of her soldiers, she became much livelier. She talked about them a lot - gushing over her subordinates as if they were her own children.

Levi shared small bits about his life as well - briefly reminiscing about the time when Kenny was still alive, still with them and they were a small, but tight and loving family.

In moments like these, he couldn't get her words out of his head.

if we had met under different circumstances, could we become… friends?

In moments like these, he felt as though they already were.

***

Three days later, Levi was in a hurry.

He glanced at his pocket watch - it showed seven o'clock - and started running. He left his office and headed outside, passing dozens of people who were in the same state of haste as he was. The parade was starting in just an hour, civilians already started to gather at the main plaza, and everyone was busy with the last preparations. And Levi was in a rush to get home.

The pointer of his pocket watch showed that it was almost a quarter after seven and Levi squeezed himself in-between the large, tight crowd, desperate to get home.

If he was fast enough, she'd still be there. If he was fast enough, he could say a proper goodbye to his mother.

Panting and heaving, he all but tumbled into his apartment. Instantly— the smell of chamomile and lavender tickled his nostrils.

Levi relaxed, she was still here. He kicked off his shoes and walked inside.

He headed to the kitchen and froze a few steps short from it. With heart in his throat, his eyes slowly traced the trail of blood on the floor.

His mother— she wasn't there. Not anymore.

"That's what whores get for trying to escape."

Levi's head snapped to the sound of voice, that voice.

Greeves had walked out of the bathroom, the still bloodied knife in his hands.

Levi was at him in an instant.

He didn't think, he didn't feel as he had wretched the knife out of his hands and threw it away.

He glanced back, at the body of his mother. He saw the steely look in her eyes, a mask of suffering etched forever on her beautiful face.

He turned back to Greeves, and he hit.

His first blow broke his nose. Greeves hollered, and somewhere outside, a distance away from the little apartment in the center of the city, the fireworks started. Or, maybe, the defining explosion wasn't caused by fireworks, as the screams that followed were terrified, not excited, but Levi did not care enough to pay attention to it.

He hit Greeves again and again, and then again. His knuckles started to ache, but he didn't stop. Greeves fell to the ground and he didn't stop, just paused long enough to get on top of him. He stroke blow after blow, hit his face again and again, until there was nothing left.

Only then, he had stopped.

With his legs shaking and hands trembling, he stood up and approached the prone body of his mother.

He picked her up - as gently as he could with the hands that were made for war, with the hands that were covered in blood of her murderer - and brought her to her room, placing her on the bed.

He fixed her hair, wiped the blood from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead, mimicking a gesture he had received from her so often.

Now that the fog that had taken over his mind was gone, Levi was more aware of his surroundings. Now he was able to understand what was going on outside.

It wasn't the sound of fireworks, those weren't the scream of triumph.

As a loyal soldier of Marleyan Empire, he knew all too well the sound of a thunder spear explosion.

The deadly invention of Commander Hange Zoe.

The city wasn't going to hold out for much longer. That meant he was still in a hurry. There was still an unfinished business he had to take care of.

***

All hell had broken loose, when Levi walked outside. The streets around him were ablaze with fire, from all sides all he could hear was explosions, cries and wallows.

The worst of the fighting was done on the main plaza. A downpour of bullets rained down all around him, as two sides desperately fought to achieve victory.

His blindingly white military coat was making him an easy target and wordlessly told everyone which side he was on. So Levi shook it off and made the rest of the way, running from cover to cover, wearing only his thin shirt.

Because, apparently, the universe had its fill of miseries for him already, he was able to get to the entrance of army headquarters relatively unharmed.

Once he stepped inside, Levi had to pause and survey his surroundings. After all the chaos outside, the familiar hallways seemed almost unnaturally quiet.

It was unexpectedly empty too, although Levi was sure it won’t last for long.

Without wasting another moment, he headed to the dungeons. The lone guard that still stood there, protecting god knows what, at the sight of Levi raised his arm in salute.

“Captain Ackerman!” he shouted with no small amount of relief. “We were looking for you, General Yeager needs you—”

The words slowly died on his throat, as he took a better look at Levi’s face.

“Captain?” the guard asked cautiously. “Your face… Did you already engage in a fight? Are you hurt?”

“Get lost,” Levi growled, pushing past him. “Go and hide somewhere, wait until the fighting is over. Don’t throw away your life for this country,” his face changed, a shadow passing through it. “It’s not worth it.”

Without another glance at the soldier, Levi opened the large metal door and walked in.

She must be still here. Thankfully, she was.

***

In the silence of the dungeons, the sound of a key turning and the lock opening was loud like a gunshot.

It had Hange bolting up from her place at the bed.

“Levi!” she exclaimed, relief and happiness mixing in her voice.

“Get out.” He rasped, hollow and lifeless.

“Levi?” she approached him, cautiously, like a cornered, wounded animal. “What—”

“Get out!” he yelled. “While you still can.”

The thundering noise of heavy footsteps sounded up above them. The soldier, guarding the entrance, had probably reported to someone the news about his arrival. That, or they have already found the body in his apartment.

Either way, he was already done for. After murdering a war general, there was only one way for him to go.

And he’d rather get hanged, knowing that he did at least one good thing in his life.

The irony of it all was laughable. Always praised for his loyalty and obedience, he ended up as a traitor.

Like uncle, like nephew.

“Levi, what happened?” Hange stood right in front of him, so close he could feel her breath on his cheek. She watched him, her eye shining with worry. “There’s blood on your face…”

“Not mine,” he answered, staring at the wall behind her shoulder with glassy, distant gaze.

“Thank gods…” she muttered, cradling his face in her hands. Using the sleeve of her shirt, she did her best to wipe the blood from his cheeks and jaw.

Levi didn’t look at her even once.

“Hey…” Hange tried again, moving even closer, her thumb absentmindedly brushing his cheekbone. “Levi, talk to me, please. What happened?”

“Go,” he wanted to push her away, but Hange didn’t sway, a look of stubborn determination taking over her features.

“I won’t go anywhere, until you tell me what happened.”

The footsteps became louder, soon they would reach the dungeon. He needed to get rid of Hange before that happens.

“My mother…” he whispered, shutting his eyes close. The mere memory of her body lying in a pool of her own blood brought him an immense amount of pain. It felt like someone had stuck a knife in his chest and turned it, it felt like someone had ripped his heart out.

“Oh, Levi,” Hange wrapped herself around him, burying her nose in his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. Who did that? Was it—”

“No,” he shook his head. “She was killed by Marleyan. And I killed him.”

“That won’t go unpunished,” Hange carefully said, still holding him in her arms.

“I know. And I don’t care.”

“I do,” she said suddenly, the fierceness of her voice surprising Levi. “Go with me.”

“What?” Levi took a step back, staring at Hange with wide eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“There is nothing keeping you here. And if you stay, they’ll put you in prison or worse. Run away with me, Levi.”

Her offer… was unexpected. He thought his life was already over, made his peace with that, but what Hange proposed… it didn’t sound that bad, not as bad as dying alone, at least.

If he accepted, he’d be able to find a purpose again. He’d finally get a friend.

He looked up at Hange. She was staring back at him, waiting for his answer. The footsteps up above stopped, and the voices appeared, Levi instantly recognized Zeke and Floch. They were close, possibly just behind the door.

Levi knew another way out, a hidden exit almost no one knew about. Hange could use it to escape, but she didn’t have much time.

Nevertheless, she didn’t falter. She didn’t glance back, didn’t fidget or sweat or tremble.

A force to be reckoned with, Levi remembered his own words.

“All this talk of running away…” he lifted his lips in a shadow of a smile. “Do you wish to recruit me so bad, Commander?”

“I told you, we could use your skills,” Hange answered, a smile breaking on her face as well. “So… are you interested in my offer?”

He reached out, grasped her hand in his and answered.

“I am.”

#just so you know this whole thing was created out of idea 'hey wouldn't levi look super hot in marleyan uniform?'#so you can imagine it's not super coherent #levihan #levihan fanfiction

244 notes · View notes

exhaustedfander · 4 years

Note

For the one shot requests: Perhaps some Moceit fluff? Maybe some cuddles? Whatever you’d like 💙

In all fairness this said “whatever you’d like” so it’s got some angst, but not to worry. It’s my writing, so it’s a good old hurt/comfort with plenty of cuddling. I’d love to hear what you guys think, and reblogs are always appreciated!

ao3 link

My writing master post

word count: 2,952

Break a Little, Heart of Mine [Moceit]

Janus didn’t know how he’d gotten to this point. He thought back to when things first started when everything was just beginning to creep in, all so new and underdeveloped. He should’ve cut himself off from the feelings the moment they arose and now it was far too late to amputate, the disease having long since spread. There was no saving him now.

There were so many instances where he could’ve left, abandoned the newly forged relationships, and shut himself off again. It would’ve been easier that way, going back to being the villain, despised and untrusted. After all, who in their right mind puts their trust in a liar?

But he isn’t just a liar, now is he? He’s so much more than that, so much more than he might like to admit. And now the others knew too. Self-preservation is quite hard to villainize once you see it for what it is. Did they see him for what he was? He sincerely hoped not.

He shouldn’t have let them in, the others. He had a job to do, that’s the extent of it, and he did his job well. He’d maintained the persona of a wrongdoer for so long because it suited him. No one needed to trust him, not even Thomas, so long as he could do his job in peace. He would help Thomas without the gift of praise, he would do it all in spite of the other’s contempt, he would do anything necessary to ensure Thomas had the best life possible even if he hated him. Did it sting? Knowing the others had so much distain for him, that his host despised his very existence? What a preposterous question.

It hurt like hell. It burned, festering like a fire in the pit of his stomach for years with only Remus for company. Virgil had been there once, they’d been close. Janus didn’t like to think about that, knowing dwelling on the past would only distract him.

He supposed for a while not absolutely everyone despised him. Remus had never seemed to have any ill-will towards him, though it would be hard to tell if he did. The way Remus treated a friend and a foe was eerily similar. Janus had long since stopped trying to dissect Remus, looking for some hidden, deeper person hidden beneath the gore and crude humor. Remus was Remus, regardless of anything else. He was unabashedly himself, regardless of how much others might wish him to act otherwise. Honestly, he was a consistency that Janus was relieved he could always fall back on. He got on Janus’s nerves at the best of times, but that didn’t change the fact that they found company in being misfits.

Except…Janus wasn’t sure how much of an outcast he was now. Not after everything that had happened, not after Thomas had said those words that carried more weight than he would ever comprehend: I don’t know that we are. Roman had challenged Janus’s being present and Thomas had disagreed, rebelling against his hero.

Janus had never required Thomas’s respect, he’d never needed his admiration but now that he had it? He hardly knew what to make of it. It would be a lie to say that Janus hadn’t imagined a world in which Thomas cared for him and included him just as he did the other sides, but that had been nothing more than a fantasy as far as he was concerned. He’d never truly anticipated it, and now here he was, accepted, welcomed into the conversation, even.

And then there was Patton.

Janus’s feelings for Patton had always been fairly complicated. Their very existence made opposition inevitable; morality and deceit go about as hand-in-hand as oil and water. He’d fought to get his voice heard for years, but Patton wouldn’t allow it, too lost in a fantasy world where no wrong existed and lies were a gateway to evil. For some time Janus considered he might’ve hated Patton for what he’d put him through.

It was difficult, hating him, even after everything. Patton was so soft, so full of love for everyone except him. Janus knew that despite everything, Patton was well-intentioned in everything that he did. He would never want to hurt someone, certainly not Thomas, and yet once he had he lost control.

Janus had to admit, seeing Patton transform into a giant video-game frog with rippling abs was just about the strangest thing he’d ever borne witness to. Patton’s meltdown was not without consequences, either. Finally, after so many years of abject denial, Paton was forced to face the fact that morality is by no means a black-and-white issue. Selfishness is not equal with immorality and gluttony, and for the first time in front of the light sides, Janus presented himself fully. He wasn’t just Deceit, nor self-preservation alone; he was Janus.

Sharing his name hadn’t been something he’d intended to do, but Roman had questioned him with fear, asking how he could possibly be trusted. Revealing himself was something he wasn’t sure he’d ever get the chance to do, that he’d ever have the courage to do. It wasn’t something he’d ever be able to take back even if he wanted to.

He’d dreamt of it sometimes, removing a glove, holding up his right hand and saying, clearly and confidently: “My name is Janus.”

This dream had never included Roman laughing in his face. It was instinctual, the retort he made comparing Roman to his twin. It wasn’t fair to either of them in the end, especially not Remus, but even now Janus didn’t fully regret what he’d done. It had taken so much to tell him, he knew Roman knew it wasn’t easy, and yet he’d laughed at him. He’d insulted him. And then he’d promptly sunk out when he got his feelings hurt.

So Thomas’s acceptance of him was something he hadn’t been counting on, but Patton? Now that was something else entirely.

Patton had been the first to use his name. Janus didn’t want to admit the way he liked his name on Patton’s lips, hearing it breathed out by someone who’d opposed him for so long. And he’d asked, genuinely and frightened if there was a limit to saying sorry to someone. Patton had hurt Thomas and Janus could tell how much it broke his heart knowing that. Now more than ever Janus could see that Patton had been doing his very best, flawed though his views were. He was so frightened and ill-equipped and now he seemed terrified that Thomas’s love for him would waver because of the mistakes that he’d made.

Maybe that’s where it all started, the feelings that had since invaded every inch of him. Patton had used his name and it had made him feel soft, and seen, and happy. Janus was foolish enough to indulge in this joy, telling himself that it was a small allowance he wouldn’t give into. He certainly wouldn’t endear himself to Patton, certainly, he had more self-preservation than that.

As it turned out, no. No, he didn’t.

He was instead spending more and more time with Patton, accompanying him in the common room or while he was (attempting) to bake. Janus often had to offer aid with that, otherwise, Patton tended to get distracted. They're time spent together is something that, despite his better judgment, was something Janus had become dangerously fond of. Patton himself, it seemed, was someone he’d become dangerously fond of.

Once the feelings began to escalate Janus did everything he could to bite them back and simply enjoy time with his friend. But then Patton had kissed him.

They’d been watching a movie alone together in the common room, a film Janus can’t recall considering how distracted he’d been the entire duration of it. Patton was a very touchy-feely person, Janus understood this well after years of seeing him interact with the others, but none of that could prepare him for Patton cuddling up against him under a blanket, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Is this okay?” Patton asked, and Janus had wanted to reply: “No! No this is far too much to handle! This is dangerous and all wrong, and something I should not be allowing happen!” But he couldn’t, not when that selfish, lonely part of himself had longed for something like this for so long.

And when their faces had been dangerously close together Patton had asked in a small, trembling voice, “Can I kiss you?” Janus should’ve said no, he should’ve left the room and never spoken to Patton again, but instead he simply nodded, giving into foolishness.

Janus continued to lie to himself, promising that he wouldn’t become too attached and would know when to take a step back. But despite all his best efforts, Janus was getting wrapped up in Patton and all that he represented. His feelings for the moral side were only deepening, their moments spent together become more frequent and intimate. He didn’t want to admit that he was becoming addicted to Patton’s kiss – that he was becoming reliant on the joy he felt when he was in any proximity to him.

Now here Janus was, lying in Patton’s bed beside his lover; how had he allowed things to go this far?

Janus was sure his feelings were reciprocated to some extent, but certainly not to the level he felt for Patton. There was no way.

Janus sat up in bed, his heart determined to beat right out of his chest. He considered pushing the covers off of himself and slinking back to his own room. He considered never returning, never facing Patton again unless it was absolutely necessary, he considered –

“Janus?” Janus flinched at the sound of his name, seeing Patton blinking awake beside him. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

His chest tightened at the sound of the pet name. Patton had been calling him so many things lately: honey, sweetheart, darling. Janus could hardly stand the way it made his heart break a little more every time he heard it.

“Nothing’s wrong, Pat,” he said far too quickly, cursing the weakness in his tone, “Go back to sleep.”

Well, shit, Janus thought to himself as Patton flicked on the lamp and rubbed his eyes before sliding on his glasses. Janus cast his gaze on the comforter, tracing the patterns of cats and dogs on the baby blue fabric before feeling a hand settle onto his shoulder, despising warmth blooming up his arm.

“Jan –.”

“I said I’m fine,” Janus hissed, hoping it would keep Patton’s concerns at bay, “nothing to worry about.” Patton sighed beside him, refusing to remove his hand. Janus wondered, stupidly, if Patton could feel him beginning to tremble.

“Sweetheart, I know something’s the matter. Something’s been the matter for some time, hasn’t it?” Janus’s silence spoke volumes. “I was trying to give you space and allow you some time to come to me with whatever it is, but I don’t think I can ignore it anymore. I’m sorry I ignored it at all. You know you can tell me anything, don’t you?” Janus continued to refuse meeting Patton’s gaze, his eyes still stubbornly stuck on the comforter.

“Not this, Patton. It’s – it’s too much,” Janus rasped out. His voice was fragile, unlike anything he’d ever known. Janus recalled a time not long ago where he was confident in his strength, in his judgment. Now, look at him, shivering under Patton’s touch, near tears because his feelings were too much to fucking handle.

“What’s too much? Please, I’m worried, Jan. You haven’t been acting like yourself.”

I don’t feel like myself, Janus thought to himself bitterly.

He’d been a villain for so long, no-good. It had been easy, even if it hurt, even if he longed for affection. At least he didn’t have to deal with these god damn emotions. God, he sounded like Logan.

“All of this,” Janus gritted out vaguely, finally meeting Patton’s flickering gaze, “You. The…” Janus swallowed the forming lump in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut, “…relationship that we have. I was the villain for so long, I don’t know how to be anything else. I don’t know how to do this.”

Janus shivered as he felt Patton take his left hand in his own, rubbing his thumb along the scales.

“But that isn’t true. You aren’t a villain – you never really were. Janus, honey, I’m so sorry for how I treated you for so long. I didn’t ever consider your worth and that is something I will never forgive myself for,” Patton’s voice wavered sadly before he continued, “But that doesn’t mean I can’t be better now. As for us, am I overwhelming you?”

“I –,” Janus’s voice faltered, words failing.

“Talk to me, Jan. I just want things to be okay, but I don’t know how I can fix anything if I don’t know what’s going on.” Janus wanted to sink out of the room, to sob long and hard alone. He didn’t want to face this, but the heartbroken way that Patton’s spoken to him is something he can’t disregard. He let go of Patton’s hand.

“Truthfully, I don’t know how to do any of this. I’m afraid of the intimacy that y-you’ve shown me. I’m afraid of how strongly I feel for you, Patton.” The silence that hung over them was positively devastating before Patton spoke, soft and genuine:

“Janus…you know I love you, right?”

Janus’s heart panged as his head swilled to look at Patton whose eyes shone with sincerity.

“What – what did you just sssay?” The hiss that invaded his voice took them both equally by surprise. Janus was rarely at the mercy of his snake-traits, as it only happened in moments of intense emotion. It made sense, he supposed bitterly.

“I said: I love you,” Patton repeated, smiling at the flush that spread across the human side of Janus’s face.

“N-no you don’t,” Janus said as though he couldn’t sense when the others were lying. If Patton was being anything other than truthful, he would’ve been able to tell.

“Yes, I do. I didn’t want to say it before, I dunno, I figured I might scare you away.”

“Scare me away?” The notion was positively preposterous. How could Patton ever think that he could frighten Janus to any capacity? “I – are you being serious? The idea of you doing anything like that is ludicrous. I’ve just been so…”

“Afraid?” Patton supplied, his hand returning to Janus’s shoulder. Janus nodded, almost sadly. “Hey, that’s okay. It’s alright to be scared.” He shook his head.

“Not when it’s me. I’m not used to,” Janus gestured vaguely, “any of this. I’m not equipped to handle this kindness, or compassion, or love. How can you love me?” Patton frowned, wincing at the insecurity in Janus’s tone that reminded him far too much of himself.

“Because you’re you, Jan,” he answered as if it was that simple, “You’re kind and smart, and you always have everyone’s best interest in mind. I love you, Janus. I don’t know how it took me so long to realize, but I do.” Janus’s instincts to flee fell away as Patton’s threw his arms over his shoulder, pulling him into a tight embrace.

“I love you too,” Janus admitted breathlessly, sighing as Patton ran a hand through his hair.

“We’ll tell the others about us in the morning, okay?” Janus blinked, yet refused to leave Patton’s arms.

“Really? Are – are you sure?” They both hadn’t mentioned the state of their relationship to any of the other sides, as Janus had been convinced Patton wouldn’t want to do so, and maybe Patton had thought the same about him. Knowing many of the light’s opinions of him, Janus didn’t have the highest of hopes for what the reactions would be.

“I’m positive. Unless you don’t want to yet?” Janus buried his face in Patton’s chest.

“Oh no, I despise the idea of everyone knowing of our relationship, so I can continue to feel like I need to keep it a secret.” Patton giggled, bright and pretty.

“That’s what I thought. Did talking make you feel better?” Patton massaged his scalp, making Janus melt further into him.

“Mmm yessss,” he hissed contently, earning another laugh, “I uh, mean, yes. It did. I’m still fairly out of my depth with this whole, “being accepted and loved thing.” Not that I told you any of that. I can’t have my reputation completely tarnished.

“My lips are sealed.”

“Good,” Janus said through a yawn, “But you’re certainly making it easier. I’m sorry…I should’ve talked to you.”

“It’s okay, honey. I understand. Feelings can be tricky, we’ll just take things one slither at a time.” Janus nodded against him with a strained laugh, sighing as Patton shut out the light and wrapped his arms around him again.

“Night-night, Jan. I love you,” Patton said, pressing a tired kiss to his lips before shutting his eyes.

“Goodnight, dearest,” Janus crooned, finally giving way to all of the affection that had been building inside of himself, “I love you too.”

For too long, Janus hadn’t thought himself capable of love, nor deserving of it. Once he received it, the fear that such things were temporary or not as intense as his feelings plagued his mind and for the first time in a long time, he got scared. Janus was happy to have his fears invalidated, though. The idea of having someone who truly, genuinely cared so deeply about him was still a frightening concept, but one that he was becoming sure he could handle.

Janus shut his eyes, sleeping deeply, and dreaming of love.

=+=

36 notes · View notes

datninjalyfe · 4 years

Text

Stay, Part 1: Chapter 12

Chapter 12: The Train Ride with Todoroki

Nothing had happened on the train to see Todoroki’s mother. Izuku talked to the youngest Todoroki mostly about schoolwork and compared combat styles for the upcoming exams. It was kind of nothing and everything all at once. Izuku actually preferred that, despite occasionally getting sidetracked by how handsome Todoroki was.

“Did you like meeting her?” Todoroki asked Midoriya on their way back to the stain from the hospital.

“I did! She seems really sweet.” Izuku told him, smiling. She definitely doesn’t seem like the type to hurt her own son…he wished he had the courage to ask him, but thought the better of it. Instead, he asked, “Do you think she liked me?”

Todoroki nodded and looked up at the train schedule as they had reached the station. “Yeah, I do.” He flipped his hair out of his face using his fingers and a group of girls that were nearby giggled. He paid them no attention and kept looking between his phone and the schedule. Does he not see it or is he just choosing to ignore it? Izuku thought. He must know… But Izuku shook his head. Todoroki immediately jumped in with, “No, really, she asked if I would bring you along more often.”

“Oh.” was all Izuku managed to say, realizing Todoroki must’ve noticed his head moving.

“We’ll have to wait about half-an-hour.” Todoroki told him, looking at his phone for the time. “Looks like we just missed it. But there’s a really nice place to eat around here, if you wanted to grab some food before heading back to campus.”

Realizing he hadn’t really eaten all day, he nodded and followed Todoroki to the restaurant. He walked over the counter and ordered his food. Izuku’s eyes were fixed on him as he ordered sesame soba noodles, trying to explain he wanted them cold before the girl that was taking his order exclaimed, “Izuku?!”

Izuku? He hadn’t been called that since middle school. When he looked at the smiling girl, he exclaimed back, “Nebina! I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it was you!”

“No, it’s totally cool!” Nebina exclaimed.

Damn, she looks good. “Wow, you look great! It’s been so long! How are things?” Izuku asked. Her quirk was strong in a really different way than anyone in class 2-A and he knew she would sense it if he was lying. But he was genuinely happy to see her—she looked amazing and still as cute as ever—a big, wide, welcoming smile that had always been contagious and extremely persuasive.

“Good! I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call or text. Midterms dropped my rank really hard so I have to really study for my finals. But anyway, who’s this?” She gestured to Todoroki, giving him the same wide smile, but he didn’t return it.

“Oh! Right, um,” Izuku moved forward, grabbing Todoroki’s arm and said, “Nebina this is a friend of mine from school, Todoroki. And this is Nebina, an old friend from junior high.”

“Nebina.” Todoroki repeated, but there was a hint of distain in his voice, but there was no signs of it in his facial expressions. Her face suddenly showed a quick sign of confusion, but quickly redirected the subject.

“It’s really nice to meet you.” she said, bowing her head. Todoroki did the same, but there was something a little more disrespectful about his. She paid it no mind. “I watched you in the Sports Festival last year! Congrats on coming in second!” Nebina asked. “Even though you lost against Bakugou. It’s okay though, he’s a tough cookie!”

“Yeah, we’re in the same class—,” Izuku started to say, but Todoroki cut him off.

“They’re actually together now.” Todoroki said abruptly.

There was a moment of awkward silence and Izuku shot him a look. Why the hell did Todoroki say that? Izuku didn’t want to divulge that information in fear of making it awkward. He hadn’t seen Nebina in years (though, his mother was still friends with her mother)—not only that, but he had lost his virginity to her and she to him. There was that definite bond there, but they didn’t have those kinds of feelings for each other. He just didn’t want her to feel weird about it.

“That’s quite a sentence to unpack—you and Bakugou, Izuku? Like together? Friends or what?” Nebina asked.

Izuku shook his head and shyly smiled. “Me and Kacchan started dating.”

Nebina’s eyes widened with shock and she was momentarily quiet. “Wow, I never—I mean, that’s great!” She thought for a moment. “Yeah, I definitely sensed a lot of confusion in his anger and now I guess we know why. I wonder if that mellowed out now that he kind of figured things out.”

“You can sense confusion?” Todoroki asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh! Sorry, Todoroki.” Izuku said. “Nebina is true empath. She can sense what other people are feeling.”

Anger flashed in Todoroki’s eyes and Nebina actually gasped quietly and recomposed herself quickly, while he just closed his eyes and told her, “Just make sure the soba’s cold.” and he walked away.

“Huh.” Nebina said to Izuku. “I don’t think your friend likes me very much.”

Izuku laughed a little. “He’s takes some time to warm up to people.”

Nebina learned forward across the counter and asked, “So, you and Bakugou? You’re really together?” Izuku nodded. “Then why are you so unsure about it?” Damn, her quirk is as strong as ever. She can sense my apprehension.

“I’m just not sure how I feel. But he said he’s always loved me.” Izuku paused before asking, “Is that true?”

Nebina thought about it. “It’s hard to say. He was just really confused.”

“Could he be lying?” Izuku asked her.

But she shook her head, telling him, “From what I remember, he isn’t one to lie. In fact, quite the opposite.” Izuku opened his mouth to say something, but another couple entered the restaurant. “I’ll text you later. Same number, right?”

Izuku nodded and ordered the first thing he saw on the menu before paying and moving out of the way. He walked over to Todoroki, who was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed, fixating on Nebina. “Are you okay?”

Todoroki’s face relaxed. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Izuku wanted to press it further, but before he had the chance, Todoroki asked, “That’s the girl you lost your virginity to, right?”

Izuku let out a quiet sigh, being brought back to when the boys had to endure their punishments. He nodded, not saying anything. Todoroki was quiet for a moment before finally saying, “Hmmm. She is really pretty.” Izuku’s heart started to race loudly in his chest. Everyone thought Nebina was pretty. But why did that make statement from Todoroki make him so upset?

One….two….three….he began counting in his head, but found it hard to concentrate on the numbers as they increased slowly. You’re with Kacchan, now, why does this bother you so much?

“That’s our food.” Todoroki pushed himself off the wall lightly and thanked Nebina as he took the bag of food. She smiled, slightly bowing to him and waved Izuku goodbye, reminding him that she’d call him later.

“I’m really happy for you, Izuku. Tell Bakugou I said hey!” she called out as he left.

As they approached the station, Todoroki cursed under his breath when they heard the 2-minute warning for the train’s departure. Izuku tapped his key card against the terminal and it opened up. They could hear the train, but it was at the top of the platform. Izuku saw a sign that read: The Use of Quirks is Prohibited on the Platform, but it would take them longer than a minute to get up there and board the train. Izuku grabbed Todoroki’s hand and pulled him in before jumping up lightly and using his power to jump into the air and skip quite a few steps.

“Hey, asshole, no quirks!” someone called, but Izuku ignored the man, jumping into the first car, using float to gently lift himself up.

“You okay?” Izuku asked him. Todoroki peered at him, his cheeks turning a little pink. He nodded, not taking his eyes off Izuku.

“The train will be departing at this time.” a voice called across the station. The two pushed the door open to the car, which wasn’t as full this time.

Todoroki was still recognized, though. “Barely made this time, eh, Todoroki?” someone called out to him, but Todoroki ignored it and walked towards the stairs, Izuku not far behind. Closed the door behind him, the sound became muffled, as some of the mindless chatter downstairs quieted in the upstairs cabin. Izuku watched Todoroki walk over to a table next to the window and the train started to move. Todoroki opened the bag of food and pulled out two boxes and two pairs of chopsticks. The slow movement of the train slightly pushed Izuku to sit down, taking the food that Todoroki handed to him along with the chopsticks. I got eel? I don’t even like eel…

“Is something wrong?” Todoroki asked, picking up some of his soba with the chopsticks.

God, yes, fucking everything. “Not a fan of eel.”

Todoroki sucked up the noodles with a quick slurp. “That is what you got, right?” he asked.

Izuku nodded. “I, uh, panicked at the last second and accidentally ordered it.”

Todoroki just shrugged. “I can have them bring you something else? There should be an attendant downstairs.”

But Izuku shook his head and hands frantically, telling him, “No, no, no! I paid for it, I should eat it.” But he didn’t touch it. Instead, using the utensils, he moved the eel around the container.

“Can I ask you something?” Todoroki finally said.

“Yes.” Izuku said. Anything.

“Do you actually like Bakugou?” Todoroki said. “Sorry, it’s just—he was such a dick to you. Like he actually hated you.”

Izuku thought about that so many times. Ever since Izuku had found out that Katsuki liked him, possibly even loved him, Izuku couldn’t help but be brought back to their numerous fights they’d had over the years, often very one-sided. There were horrible things that had been said to Izuku and some of it Izuku could let go, as he admired Katsuki so much growing up. But Katsuki was also really mean to him and one thing—

One thing Izuku couldn’t let go.

But Izuku had also seen how Katsuki had grown, how he’d changed, not just his character, but his body as well: Katsuki was really handsome: big shoulders and a squared jaw; a dark maroon in his eyes; a tight ass; but his beauty was often overshadowed by his attitude. Still, they shared similar memories; they shared secrets; and now, they’d shared each other’s bodies. “I don’t know that he did ever hate me.” was finally Izuku’s response.

“You didn’t answer my question: do you actually like him?”

Izuku shrugged, placing the lid back on the food he hadn’t touched. “I’ve always liked him, but I’d like to see how serious he is before I answer whether I love him or not. It’s just a little confusing.”

Todoroki slurped up the last of his soba, the smell of sesame wafting into the air. “I’m not getting a straight answer out of you, am I?”

Izuku paused for a moment, taking just a slow second to look at Todoroki before Izuku whispered, “I’m just not sure.” Todoroki’s gaze shifted to out the window. Without looking at his eyes, Izuku didn’t know how Todoroki was feeling. “I wish I knew what you were thinking.” Those words left Izuku’s lips before he could stop them.

Todoroki’s head snapped, but instead of anger, it was something else—one of his eyebrows was raised, his eyes widened, but Izuku saw a glimpse of a small smile. Todoroki rose from where he was sitting next to the window and moved to sit directly next to Izuku, who dared not breathe. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as Todoroki reached out his right hand and placed the back of his fingers on Izuku’s jaw before sliding the cold fingers upwards. He gently moved Izuku’s hair away from his neck, but despite that their skin was no longer touching, Izuku could still feel the cold from his fingers.

No, Todoroki, please don’t touch me. But he didn’t feel that way. Not really. Izuku’s blinked slowly, lifting his chin to expose his neck ever so slightly. But when he looked at Todoroki, to his dismay Todoroki was glaring at the hickey that Katsuki had left him that morning.

“I think he doesn’t deserve you."

Todoroki moved his hand, allowing Izuku’s hair to fall naturally. Stop! He’s your friend, and Kacchan is your boyfriend. One…two…three…. “I told him I’d give him a month to prove himself.” …four…five…six… “After that, I’ll see how I’m feeling.” …seven…eight…nine…

“Sounds like a waste of time. If it were up to me—”

Ten. Izuku let out a hot breath through his nose before looking at Todoroki and daring to say, “It’s not up to you.”

A hint of a smile crept across Todoroki’s lips, excitement across his eyes. Izuku matched his smile before the two changed the subject to something else, talking about everything and nothing all at once for the rest of the train ride home.

(all)(previous)(next)

#izubaku #bakudeku #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x midoriya #deku x bakugou #katsudeku #deku x kacchan #dekukacchan #izuku midoriya #bnha #myfic #myficstay

4 notes · View notes

jessicakayjones · 4 years

Text

All my Weddings

I have made it such that no one can get close enough to hurt me and I live this lie like breath and bones because the false is blood and it runs in my veins with my family’s name.

I have been to my fair share of weddings. Of champagne and smiles bursting where grooms fake feigned interest when close to irrefutable tears. When it reaches that time of night where you physically feel yourself shrink and its neither good nor bad because hiding is comfort but loneliness is close to death.

And in all these occasions, my mind leaves, escorts itself against its better judgement to my own wedding, one in the near or far future, one that is fact or fiction, both hated and hopeful. A picture of absolute uncertainty and it is here that my lie lives. For in this way I have lived in my mind, my own wedding, time and time again.

Nothing can hurt me like blood. And even in this admission comes distain. At my own weakness. For it is not only grooms who fake their strength but it is in my being that I face a heart that has been strangled time and time again and has not yet learned how to shut off completely no matter how hard it tries. Is it hope or hurt that strangles? I guess the truth is, is there really any different between the two?

I have lived most of my life in these two, to hang on or to let go, to allow hope life or slits its throat. I have never been good at balance, never much experience with mediation. For I was raised to do or die, to love or shun. And in my very sensitive heart I have pendulated between the two, never quite landing, never quite finding a home, and I have hated the part of me, the very small part of me, that imagines I may have a family one day.

In terms of internal parts, this one is a child and she is in the corner hiding her face because she knows that she loves and she is embarrassed of it. Why does no one else love? And why do they not love in the way that she does? And why do they not feel others’ pain and only their own? And I come in with another part who is older and “wiser” and leads in with disgust looking down at this child. Pathetic. You are not like them. And this part thinks that the others are strength because they do not love like we love and they do not care nor do they hope and they are dead inside and that is strength.

This is flawed and we all know it, all of my parts together. But if we did not all collaborate to silence this child’s tears we may have to see her, we may have to feel her pain. And she has a world of pain.

It is at these weddings that I feel her, one of many places and events. I do not try to fight her anymore because I know she will overtake me, weddings are our weakness because it is here I come face to face with reality like a jaw to pavement.

It is the speeches and the words they carry, both beautiful and painful in their reminder that I will never be their recipient and yet, I hang on to their every word and feel the way they slice through my rip cage and I imagine, me in all white and a family with only loving words and well-wishes and hope as sincere as my child’s pain. It is this sincerity that is my biggest downfall for I have heard empty words and they are shaper than silence ever was or ever will be. A tease. A father to his daughter, a sister to her lifelong friend. These are the most beautiful of human relationships with only the love of God as its conqueror and yet they have failed me. If you are blessed with a sister and an unconquerable divide is it truly a blessing? If you are given a father who is uncapable of genuine love is it actually a gift? And is it truly better to love and lose all the days of your life than to not have them at all?

These thoughts cycle on repeat as I listen to the father speak of memories with his baby and all the years she has grown. And every word from him turns the knife in slow circles. Because how would my father recall those child moments when he wanted nothing to do with me and to this day my mother tells me stories of his avoidance of me, her begging him to speak with me, that I wanted him and to know him, that I wanted a dad and a relationship, yet all of her requests go unanswered and I question. What was it about me that was so unlovable? Maybe he already knew. Maybe he already knew that I would be different. Was he scared of that or disgusted, intimidated or repulsed? Or am I this way because of it, in an attachment edition game of what came first? And what happened to him that he was not taught this? And is there a child in him like there is a child in me? And what would his child say and what if they could meet? And what if they could share their pain and what if this was the only way for progress and what if you knew that this was an impossible fable.

And the sibling. The sister, the brother. The jokes they include as a way to supplement for the love in their eyes and the admiration in their voices, it is clear. That through the fights and cursing and stealing the remote control that there is no other partner they would rather go through life with and that, is the most beautiful of all partnerships for it is eternal and I ask myself in my fearful attachment, is it beautiful to me in its genuineness or in its entrapment, knowing they can never leave me. I guess I will never know. Because I can never escape mine and yet there is a desperation to. Because I will never receive those jokes, not with the love they carry nor the admiration nor the respect. Because I am just emotions and I am different and I am weak and they are strong and together and superficial is their lifeline and I will never be that. I will never fit in, not in their close knit circle of reality altering substances and judgement and intolerance. I will never be that and I am done trying to. But I know that is another lie.

Because all I have ever wanted is to belong and all I have hoped for is a home for my child and a love that lasts a lifetime and someone to hold her when she is lonely and let her know that there is no home like the home she will find in herself one day and that is a promise in a world of broken promises. Someone to teach her that she belongs deeply to herself and deeply to her God.

But I know I am not here yet because I still have spite in my heart and it boils when activated and it can spew the ugly and the hate to cover the deepest hurt I have ever felt and will ever continue to feel. So for now my defense is I hate you all. I hate you. I hate you. And as much as I hate you, I know that I never will.

#family #marriage #wedding #father #siblings #love #hate

2 notes · View notes

creepymagickshop · 4 years

Text

Those who cast spells and sell enchanted objects, and falsely Spirit conjure for a living

The only true way to do any of this is through Jesus Christ as an ordained minister, by Gods hand alone. If you have been recently conjuring and selling these spirits, or conjuring and selling a spell saying you used a spirit or fake god to boost it, we ALL know your lying. Not to mention your psychic readings, charlatans.

2 Timothy 4: 14, 17-18 (YLT1898)

14 Alexander the copper smith did me much evil; may the Lord repay to him according to his works,

17 and the Lord stood by me, and did strengthen me, that through me the preaching might be fully assured, and all the nations might hear, and I was freed out of the mouth of the lion,

18 and the Lord shall free me from every evil work, and shall save to his heavenly kingdom; to whome the glory to the ages of the ages! Amen.

God, “All of you charlatans who know exactly what she is talking about, your curse is already neigh. To each and everyone of you a special message I do bring- every spell, every “enchanted” object you tried to make, every “blessed” item you brought into your home, sold or gave to a friend or family member, holds a curse directed by My hand.

Not only does your fake “magick” hold no value or manifestation to your intent, I and only I can cast magick on earth, but it shall curse you and the people you have given it to, this My word. Your households will suffer because of your pride and arrogance. Your children will sicken. Your elders will distain. This because of your hand. No one elses.

The holy ones and even those like you, that you “cursed”, tried, failed, “hexed”, tried, failed, those very same words you cast at them will be reckoned to you a thousand-fold. Death, ok I agree, death it shall be, not just your soul but your very lives unto the next generation. Your snarky words were a loan you could not repay. This My word.

The ones who think their homes are covered because they count themselves a Christian, one of My people- you stood by mouths closed as they led you and others into the abyss. I will not recommend your face to the council. You are not covered by My grace, therefore your judgment will be public. You stood next to the satans, knowing full well the evil they did and do, therefore you are counted as one of them. This My word.

Those of you, racist philanderers, and call yourselves one of Mine? Your face I shall not recognize. You stood next to the satans. This My word. Your actions and words lead the lost to the abyss. Murderers. This will be reckoned to you.

Those who have not heard My words before, turn from your path, you have been standing next to satan over-against Me. Humble yourselves and find redemption. This My word.”

- end

4 notes · View notes

madi2112 · 7 years

Photo

The Length of a Shoe.

The length of a shoe is all that there was between the concrete wall and the front of my bumper.

Between being dead and still being here to take the above picture.

My feet are huge so that gap is bigger then most. But not by too much.

After getting fired yesterday I went deep into the downward spiral slide and very quickly. As is evident by yesterday’s post.

But even then that last post was written after nearly killing myself and crying so hard my chest and stomach hurt. So talk of just driving was a big step down compared to a couple hours before that.

Ive attempted suicide before 3 times, but this was the closest to a success (if you wanna call it that) I’ve ever had.

Getting into my car after being fired I jammed the gas pedal to the floor and aimed for the solid concrete wall on the other side of the parking garage.

I was fine with that and soon I was doing about 40mph.

Then, I guess the fear took over. I used both feet on the brake pedal (ala Elwood Blues) and the car screeched to halt in a cloud of smoking tires and think black skid marks on the ground.

I stopped about 14" short of the wall. About a shoe length.

I screamed, I cursed. I cried. At my life. At my situation and those that left me. And at Madison.

After the flood gates of tears finally subsided I decided to give my therapist a call.

Not sure why, because I have been down that path before. I said too much to the therapist I was seeing a few years ago and she ended up getting me put in a lock down mental facility in Orem, UT for a lovely four day stay.

I was able to get an appointment for a couple hours later.

So I ate some McDonald’s pancakes (like I used to do when I took my son out for breakfast) and planned my Farewell Tour.

Having come from work I arrived at her office still deep in the downward spiral slide and in guy mode!

No one there had ever seen me that way. Not that depressed and never in guy mode.

They didn’t recognize me. Which looking back at it now was the greatest compliment I could have gotten.

The blank look on thier faces and then the look of shock when they finally realized who it was is something I’ll never forget. I would have been crushed if they knew me immediately.

My therapist did a wonderful job talking me down “off the ledge” so to speak. When I’m that far down, I can be a real A-Hole. But she powered through it and dragged me out of the spiral weather I wanted to or not.

She also came up with a plan to help.

At first I was reluctant. When it comes to transition or being a transwomen Im very guarded. After a life time of rejection, hostility, distain, abuse, criticism and at times direct hatred and violence you learn to trust no one. NO ONE.

But I tried something new and trusted her.

Good decision.

Plus she didn’t have me locked up. Which may have been a huge risk on her part. Because if she had followed protocol I should have been.

Although had she tried I would have ran out of there fast.

She assured me losing your job, your place to live and battling depression would mess with anyones head. Not just mine. And not because Im a transwomen.

So she convinced me to eat a nice meal and she would get the staff working on finding me a job and a place to live. All she asked for was to let them help me. Not go at it alone and accept the fact they cared.

And to check in later that evening and come back tomorrow.

I agreed.

So what does all that have to do with the picture of me in business attire at Disney Springs?

They got me a job interview… as Madison!

Holy crap!

I channeled my best business woman outfit and did the interview as myself.

I have a second follow up interview next week!

I also am starting tomorrow as a delivery driver in the area. Similar to Uber eats. I plan on doing that as Madison as well.

Plus tomorrow at 1pm I finally get to meet someone about a room.

There is still stuff that needs to be done and neither the job(s) nor a place to live is a done deal. But it appears they are close.

Which is enough to keep me here. Both here in Orlando and here on the planet.

Now if I can learn to keep that door to that downward spiraling slide locked tight I may survive the next time challenges arise. Which will happen again sometime.

But hopefully not to soon.

~Madison

HRT25

Deep hugs to Ann and Bobby at Two Spirits who hung in and helped me even if I didn’t want it at first.

#transgender #girlslikeus

14 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs