#i might also be giving myself too much credit re the other girl. i am not good at reading things i dont know

[munamania]

when i say get me OUT OF HERE. yeah ok so i redownloaded the devils app (tinder) and after swiping through all the like spam and couples and random men that popped up and stuff i got to someone and i was like Oh theyre hot they seem cool geeked abt seeing if we match. HALT! is that my friend sams roommate. fuck. right. and is that another gay girl that maybe tried to slide in my dms once but i was so far up film girl's ass at the time i didnt think about it. in their one photo. right. and what's their name? we dont need to talk about it. im sick

#i might just see if we match... #no. is that weird? what are the lines of weird. oh who cares #my fucking dating pool feels like the worlds tiniest puddle. so. i dunno. #abby talks #its actually silly though. hey ive been in your house. lmfao <3 #i might also be giving myself too much credit re the other girl. i am not good at reading things i dont know #well and as u can see im not normal about things #me journaling yesterday basically im a creep im a weirdo i dont fit in i dont want to fit in what the hell am i doing here i dont belong he

[telomeke]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by @colourme-feral in this post – thanks dearie! 💖

Current time: 9:59am (when I started this! it's now much later but I'm not gonna re-write...).

Current activity: Had a work deadline last night so tidying up the aftermath (deleting unwanted files, etc.).

Currently thinking about: How the project submission for work went. Annoyed that I skipped gym this morning just in case there were last minute changes to the project submission and we'd have to re-submit today; but now that's not needed I'm missing legs day. Also thinking about munching on something extra because breakfast was too light (hardboiled eggs, grapes and blueberries – all originally meant as a post-swim snack, re-purposed to become breakfast since gym was canceled). Maybe fry up an omelet and sausages, or grill some salmon? 😋 Or shall I just munch on some creamy Whittaker's milk chocolate since lunch will be soon and anything heavier might spoil it? 🤔  

Current favorite song: I don't know if they qualify as favorites, but songs will enter my brainspace and then swirl around in there for a while, refusing to leave. So I'm constantly listening to them (on YouTube, not Spotify; don't have a smartphone) and/or singing along in an effort to exorcise the earworm. At the moment the playlist in my head is:

I Don't Think That I Like Her Anymore (Charlie Puth)  Charlie constantly amazes me with his superhuman ability to churn out catchy melodic turns and unusual aural takes on percussion sounds for his backing rhythms (e.g., the light switch in Light Switch). This song continues with his quirky stylings, and I'm loving the pounding bass coming in to frame the heavyweight sock-it-ta-ya message of the song's chorus after the light plaintive vocals of the introductory and intervening verses. The second (melodic) line of the chorus ("Cause they're all the same") is so simple and yet so perfectly fitting after the bold hook of the first line – I find myself asking each time I hear it how could anything else ever fit better? And then it builds and builds to a big finish, at the end of each chorus and also at the end of the song – that key change from B Major to C# Major is quite a genius step, retro yet so fresh. (But still... C sharp? 👀 OK if your electronic thingamajig can auto-transpose but hell on a trad keyboard.) I know this song is from a year ago but I'm not simply wallowing in nostalgia (oh all right, so yes I am a bit) – there is nonetheless a BL connection that first got me hooked on this. The cast of my current fave I Feel You Linger in the Air did their own take on the TikTok Kpop dance challenge of this song (linked here, with other TikToks here) and they're just so cute dancing along. Nonkul attempts a little elbow jab in homage to the original choreo, while Bright gives up after a couple of bars and just goes on doing alternating wrist twirls like those you sometimes see in Southeast Asian dance… 🤣 Alee and Tian seem like they're having fun, as does Attila, but who knew Khun Robert could actually look this good, all goofy and charming when he smiles doing a silly little jig?

‌

All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)  Ever since Ms. Mariah broke her icy containment after Halloween (see this video here 😂) I've been singing along, getting in the mood for carols, fruitcake and Christmas decorations because it reminds me of time spent with (departed) family. Happy because those are happy times worth recalling, but also bittersweet because those loved ones are no longer around.

‌

One of Your Girls (Troye Sivan)  While I tend to feel a pinch of resentment whenever Aussies of European origin seem to get opportunities in the West more easily than non-white people do, I have to remind myself it's the system and not the talent that is at fault. So credit where credit is due and I'm a fan of what Troye has done with this and his earlier releases (like his video with PP Krit 😃😍). One of Your Girls is just so beautiful and languid as it teases with its message, and consistently Troye is breathtakingly beautiful and languid in the video, teasing us with an offering of the forbidden. I'm feeling things I never thought I would. 😮 The choreography is pretty daring too. (Especially that crotch flare – where did they tuck the dangly bits? I'm wincing as I watch.) Also shout-out to all the different representation with the models. 😍

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Then I'm Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley)  This is Rick Astley spoofing Rick Astley (more explanation linked here) and just so funny. Especially since the original song is already iconic on Tumblr.

‌

Fast Car (Luke Combs)  Another nostalgia trip, this is an absolutely stellar rendition of the already phenomenal original by Tracy Chapman. Almost like Marc Cohn's Walking in Memphis with its sense of urgency and of bottled emotions about to explode, maybe just a shade less of Marc's full-throated growl in Luke's voice, but earthshaking nonetheless. In these 21st century times (and in my corner of the world where BL and queer rep cross my dash all the time) I love that Luke (a married man with a wife and two kids, looking for all we know like the straightest of the hets) didn't change Tracy's line "So I work in the market as a checkout girl", paying homage to the original and smashing at the gender-obsessives everywhere in a quietly powerful way.

‌

Currently reading: My language study textbooks; not much time for anything else though I do miss having a good work of fiction to keep me company whenever the slate of Thai drama dips in quality.

Currently watching: I Feel You Linger in the Air – a really impressive work, solidly-grounded in its universe with overhanging familial, social and political intrigue that threatens to overshadow (but never really does) the chemistry between Khun Yai and Jom.

I've fallen in hard love with this and just hope that Tee Bundit will display the wisdom associated with his name (for those as linguistically-obsessed as I am, Bundit is the homologue for pundit in English, pandit in Hindi and pendita in Malay) and wrap up the finale with more finesse than he has done on his other shows. (Something tells me though that the sense of foreboding you get while watching IFYLITA is partly due to the dread that Tee is going to rush and stumble through the last bits, leaving viewers less than satisfied with the ending like he did with Lovely Writer, Hidden Agenda and Step by Step.) However this goes, I'm a new fan of Nonkul and Bright's acting, and can't wait to see more of them.

As to what else I'm watching – I'm still trying to finish Only Friends, if only to be able to say that I've finally watched a Jojo show all the way to the end. It's not for me, though it has some moments that shine (like Neo's performance, and all the shirtless scenes) but I struggle to find anything that satisfies on a more cerebral level. I'm not opposed to sensuality and messy drama being foregrounded over more intellectual underpinnings (all hail KinnPorsche) but for me it doesn't go earthy and raw enough to make up for whatever else it doesn't do.

Current favorite character: Pat and Pran from Bad Buddy will always be on this list, but because I'm currently enjoying IFYLITA I'm sure I've been visited by Por Jom, Khun Yai, Khun Ueangphueng, Ba Prik, Ming and Khun James in my dreams lately (and also a certain racing piglet 🤣).

Current WIP: All in my head, but I have a final wrap-up post on Bad Buddy locations percolating, as well as one on the graphics in the show (that give us hints of Pat and Pran's interior worlds).

Tagging names I've seen more than once cross my dash and/or notes:

@neuroticbookworm @airenyah @alexis-mika @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @wen-kexing-apologist @twig-tea @pandasmagorica @respectthepetty @dribs-and-drabbles @waitmyturtles @dimplesandfierceeyes @writerwithoutsound @bengiyo @grapejuicegay @lamonnaie @lurkingshan @callipigio @italianpersonwithashippersheart @recentadultburnout @kattahj @theheightofdishonor @fiddlepickdouglas @dc-alves @brazilian-whalien52 @slayerkitty @silvercrystal1 @dudeyuri @ranchthoughts @suni-san @chawarin-panich @lurkingteapot @solitaryandwandering

and anyone else who'd like to play. 😍 Apologies if you've already been tagged; point me to your post if so! And apologies if I've forgotten to mention anyone; if I follow or if you follow me please know you are loved and do play along if you wish! 💖

Also a special tag carved out for the lovely @visualtaehyun as a part-apology; you've tagged me before on a couple of other games and I wrote out about half of my replies – but then work deadlines became urgent and got in the way. Ruefully I had to abandon those posts (especially since they're now weeks out of date). So this is my way of saying thanks for tagging me on those tag games, sorry for not replying, and I hope you'll play along with this one because I love getting to know like-minded people on Tumblr! 💖

#tag game #current tag game #YouTube

[funnyincorrectmcu]

Saw you were doing an ask spree so I have a question! What are your ultimate favourite Marvel fanfics? (Ao3 answers preferable!)

OOOH!!! 

I ALWAYS LOVE THIS QUESTION!! But it’s also always SOO hard, because I have SO many fics that I ADORE! <3 <3 <3 

Okay okay. Since you’re asking for ultimate favorites, but since you’re also in a sense kind of asking for recommendations, I’ll do you a solid and give you a list of fifteen (which is really doing myself a solid because it means there are fewer that I have to narrow down). 

That said, if you really want my full list, go to my AO3 account and check out my bookmarks (and some of my works, if you’re interested!). Because there truly are a LOT of AMAZING writers out there. <3 <3 

Alright. Here goes nothing. 

Also, I am SO sorry this took me so long, but it took me forever to narrow down to fifteen, and even with THAT, I cheated. XD

Also also, fair warning, 95% of these are Tony and Peter centric. <3 

Also also also (lots of also’s, oops XD), I’m gonna give a little bit of info on each one for anyone interested, but PLEASE, read all tags and warnings before you actually start reading, because some of these are a little rougher than others. (Btw, when I say “major warnings”, I’m referring to AO3′s “major archive warnings” list.)

1. More Ancient Than Magic by @ironfamjam 

This is a mini Hogwarts AU that I absolutely ADORE and think about at least once a week. The way the author melds the two universes is incredible and so well done, and I quote it all the time.  One-shot, IronFam centric, featuring Ned and MJ, with special guest appearances from the other Avengers and Peter’s classmates. No major warnings. 

2. Everybody Loves Skip by @baloobird

Okay, Kris is my favorite MCU fanfic author of all time, so you’ll see her on here a couple of times. This is by far my favorite story of hers, and it’s what made me fall in love with Interwebs. <3 <3  Multichapter, Peter centric, featuring Ace!Peter and Interwebs, with special guest appearances from Tony, May, and Tracy Leeds. Minor sexual harassment/non-con, but it doesn’t get too graphic. 

3. Ohana by @jen27ny

I read this story as a part of last year’s Irondad Big Bang, and let me tell you, I was SOOO invested. I got to the point where I had to send in play by play reactions because I was so emotionally invested. The story is so well told. <3 Multichapter, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Pepperony, Spideychelle, and minor Stucky, with special guest appearances from the rest of the Avengers, HYDRA, and my fast beating heart. No major warnings. 

4. Come, My Darling, Homeward Bound by @i-am-irondad

ANOTHER Irondad Big Bang 2020 story that I became OVERLY invested in to the point that I had to send play by plays in to the author. It’s a Room AU, and she NAILS each and every one of the character dynamics. I never even saw Room, and I loved it. <3  Multichapter, Tony, Peter, and Morgan centric, featuring the rest of IronFam, Spideychelle, and adorable sibling moments, with special guest appearances from Quentin Beck and my tears. Minor implied sexual harassment/non-con. (She also has a prequel and a sequel, just so you know.) 

5. The Lightning Strike by @booksxtvxsupernatural

Yet ANOTHER Irondad Big Bang 2020 story that hit me right in the feels. This is a canon-divergent post-Infinity War fic, and the way the author shows how events could’ve transpired is so realistic and beautiful. <3  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Harley Keener and Nebula, with special guest appearances from IronFam, May Parker, and several other Avengers. 

6. Family Doesn’t End with Blood by @baloobird

This is a series of one-shots by my girl Kris based off of the Irondad Bingo prompts, so there are a lot of different prompts and themes, but they ALL rock.  Multichapter, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Ace!Peter, IronFam, and Interwebs, with special guest appearances from several other MCU characters. Warnings vary, so pay attention to the tags and read the notes. 

7. I love you more than anything (bio dad AU) by @iron--spider

Okay, so maybe this is cheating, because it’s technically a series, but every fic in it is so good that I couldn’t possibly pick just one. I just love the whole series, because I love how the author builds their relationship. It’s so cute. <3  Series of one shots, Tony and Peter centric, featuring the rest of the Stark and Parker family and baby Peter, with special guest appearances from Obadiah Stane, James Rhodes, and Happy Hogan. No major warnings.

8. sometimes, people just die (and sometimes, they don’t) by @snarky-drabbles

This one was for the 2019 Irondad Secret Santa (huh. No wonder so many of them are Tony and Peter centric. XD), and it’s an amazing time loop story that takes place during Endgame and has an ending you might not expect, but it ROCKS.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric from Peter’s POV, featuring Pepper Potts and Stephen Strange, with special guest appearances from a whole lot of fighting. XD 

9. A Rite of Passage by @baloobird

Another ADORABLE Interwebs from my favorite person, because she made me obsessed with this ship and now I can’t stop. XD  One-shot, Interwebs centric (wait, did I actually find one that isn’t Tony and Peter??), featuring Ace!Peter and Bi!Ned, with special guest appearances from Brad Davis, Flash Thompson, and Betty Brant. Minor sexual harassment/non-con, but nothing graphic at all. 

10. Where Dreams are Nightmares in Disguise by @baloobird

This one was actually written for me, by Kris, so obviously, it made this list. I seriously cannot thank her enough for writing this amazing fic for me based on my prompt, and for writing it so well! I LOVED IT! <3  One-shot, Tony, Peter, and Morgan centric, featuring Pepper Potts and lots of LEGOS, with a special guest appearance from a really bad dude. No major warnings. 

11. harm and foul by @iron--spider

You know, there’s a lot of Tony protecting Peter out there, but sometimes, I just really wanna see Peter protecting Tony, and this is a GREAT example of that.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring IronFam, Ned Leeds, and bada** mofo Peter Parker, with special guest appearances from Justin Hammer and a few Avengers. No major warnings.

12. Sugar, Butter, Flour by @doctornineandthreequarters

Another one written for me, this time by the incredible Jaime for the 2019 Irondad Secret Santa, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better. She took my prompts to heart and created some BEAUTIFUL sibling bonding and I LOVE it!! <3 <3  One-shot, Peter, Harley, and Morgan centric (whoa. Another one without Tony. See? I have variety! ...kind of. XD), featuring Pepperony and adorable sibling love, with a special guest appearance from a Karen. No major warnings. 

13. Bite the Bullet by @baloobird

In case you haven’t figured it out, yet, I love you, Kris. XD <3 Another amazing ace story that gets me feeling all kinds of validated and loved. <3  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Spideychelle, Ace!Peter, and Ace!Tony, with a special guest appearance from BFF Ned and lots of lovely ace acceptance. No major warnings. 

14. what is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives by @lyssismagical

So, I started reading her works solely through Tumblr, and when I finally realized that she had an AO3, I went on there and bookmarked a TON of her stories immediately. This is one of her more recent ones, but it’s one of my faves, even with all the whump (being Whumptober and all). It has a positive ending, I promise.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring amazing BFF Michelle Jones, protective Peter Parker, and adorable little sister Morgan Stark, with special guest appearances from Pepper Potts, May Parker, and a lot of family love and support. Rape/non-con, but it isn’t super graphic. 

15. Peaches by @peterparkrr

This was yet another Irondad Secret Santa 2019 fic, and while this one wasn’t written specifically for me, I freaking loved it. There’s so much tension and mystery in this, and I seriously thought I was gonna pass out reading it from all of my worry. But, luckily, it has a happy ending.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring canon divergence and lots of references to other Avengers, with a special guest appearance from a terrible government. No major warnings.

And there’s my top 15! But, because I said I was cheating, here are two bonus fics that cannot be found on AO3. I know you prefer AO3, but trust me when I say you cannot pass these up. 

1. This fic by @loubuttons

This was posted directly to Tumblr, but I have it saved in screenshots on my phone and I re-blog it all the time because I absolutely ADORE it. I will always be down for Peter and Morgan fics, especially when Tony is involved, and this one touches my heart like no other.  One-shot, Tony, Peter, and Morgan centric, featuring protective big bro Peter Parker and Tony being an amazing parent, with special guest appearances from equally awesome Pepper Potts and May Parker. No major warnings. 

2. He’s My Intern? by losingmymindtonight (if they have a Tumblr, I don’t know it, so if anyone knows it, please find them and tell them they’re awesome)

This one was posted on FF.net, and it was actually one of the first Tony and Peter stories I ever read, and it BLEW me away. This one is another series of one-shots, but each one is filled with soft Tony and Peter moments and I love it.  Multichapter, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Happy Hogan, Bruce Banner, F.R.I.D.A.Y., and all the hurt/comfort you could possibly want, with special guest appearances from Pepper Potts, May Parker, Ned Leeds, and several other Avengers. No major warnings.  

Okaaaaay. I think that’s it?? 

Wow. That took me FOREVER. 

And I’m not even sorry, because all of these authors deserve ALL of the credit I gave them. 

Thank you so much for asking this! I hope I didn’t bore you or babble too much. XD 

All of you should definitely check out these amazing fics! They 100% deserve the praise! <3 <3 

Thanks again for asking! <3 

#asks #personal #not an incorrect quote #still mcu #fan fiction #fanfic #fanfic recs #mcu #mcu fanfic #fan fiction recommendations #mcu fan fiction

[florenceandthemachine]

that original lifeline

chapter 5 / 5 - “you deserve what you are given” - 3.6k

in which Eddie has a good day, has a bad day, sees a familiar face, and tries not to blow up an ambulance. not necessarily in that order.

it’s all done! my first ever standalone, prompt-free fic! I hope you all at least tolerated it as much as I did. I also would like to say—please, if you’re seeing things that look messy or need to be touched up, you’re welcome to let me know. I'm sure I'm going to go over it and re-edit a million times over the next week.

read on AO3

Eddie knew that things were going to be different the moment he slapped his alarm the next morning, because for the first time in months, he actually turned his alarm off. He didn’t lie in bed and ignore it, he didn’t hit snooze until he could get the energy to see the day, he turned it off, he got up, and he started to dress. He couldn’t remember the last time he had greeted a Monday on time for an early morning workout, but the few miles he was able to get in on the treadmill was nothing compared to the look of happiness on his son’s face when he got to join him and Carla for breakfast—instead of running out the door, a granola bar lodged in his mouth. He literally felt like he just woke up on the right side of the bed this morning; judging by the way that Chris lit up, and Carla rose her brows in surprise, his change in attitude was already being noticed. 

Even if Carla was good enough not to comment on it. 

Honestly, Eddie didn’t know what was going on himself, but he wasn’t going to complain. A day ago, he had almost started to cry at one of those family car commercials with an old dog in it, and today, he was already back into the familiar motions of ‘being well’. 

He had been through enough therapy in his life to know the “highs and lows” mental health speech every which way, but what he hadn’t realized until this morning was that when you were low, being low becomes your new normal. Eddie had been through it before (with Shannon, with his parents, with… name a thing), and he knew it would probably come again, but that didn’t make the moments that he got to stand in the light on the other side of the tunnel any less sweet.

It felt like he was standing in the sun.

“Morning Hen! Coffee?” Eddie grinned as he took the stairs up into the loft two at a time, box of danishes in one hand, coffee holders stacked high in the other. He had literally been smiling since he parked his car outside, and was now beaming at Hen only because she was lucky enough to be the first person he got to see that day. Lucky, sure, but he still didn’t miss the way that her brows rose into her hair as she took her cup and her selection of baked goods, knowing full well that this was probably… a lot to take in from his behavior for the past many weeks. 

“You’re… cheery.” Hen commented easily, staring at Eddie like a puzzle to figure out—and while that would have made him nervous before, it was actually kind of nice now, a friend showing that she cared. 

To his credit, Eddie just shrugged, pulling off another coffee as he put the boxes down on the table, knowing full well they would be devoured before he could even look back. “What can I say? It’s a good day today, the sun is out, and I only have to be here for eight hours. Hey, where’s Chim? I got Mr. Asian James Bond an extra bear claw, since he’s been driving everyone up the wall with his whole sorority girls speech.”

Hen let the topic drop (and Eddie thanked her silently for it) as she groaned and shook her head, taking another drag from her coffee cup as, sure enough, the pastry boxes started to draw everyone in like flies. He started handing out coffees to those who’s orders he could remember, grinning as Hen launched into it. “No no, ‘Asian James Bond’ was last week, now it’s ‘Asian Sex Symbol’ to you. God, that stupid calendar, between he and Bobby I am ready to enter myself, blow them both out of the water as Miss July, and—”

“Hey, hold up, where’s Bosko?” Eddie said, cutting her off before she could pick up too much steam, staring at the last coffee in his hands as Bobby pulled his own free. 

Hen and Bobby shared a glance as Bobby cleared his throat around a mouthful of coffee, swallowing before he started to speak. “Actually, Lena’s back with the 136 for the foreseeable future. I’m happy to say that we finally have that vacancy filled.”

Eddie felt his brows launch into his hairline, only vaguely remembering that Lena was supposed to be here on a temporary basis—and he had been a complete ass to her for the past few months. Well, that was going to be a fun little addition to his long list of issues, and he winced as he made a mental note to swing by the 136 later on with another danish and an apology. Hen caught the look, her own brow tilting in return, though she was good enough to redirect her attention back up to Bobby. “So, wait, who’s going to be the newbie on the 118?”

“He is walking up the stairs right now, if you want to turn around. Just graduated out of the Academy last week. Pretty much top of his class, apparently impressed enough people that I had to fight off station 6 to get him to come here—welcome, Evan Buckley.” 

“Hey, uh, you can just call me Buck.” 

Eddie almost choked on his coffee as he heard a voice behind him, grabbing a napkin to catch a few drops as he turned, trying to repress his cough as he turned around, meeting a pair of blue eyes, staring at Eddie with an intensity that made his insides curl like he had just been sucker punched. He didn’t say anything, of course, just reached out and shook hands, introduced himself, did the whole shebang—with a smile, he might add! 

Today was a good day. It could still be a good day. It really, really had the potential to be a good day. 

-

Today was not a good day. 

Eddie wanted to work well with Buck, he really did, but every time Buck opened his mouth, all Eddie could feel was pressure, water pushing in on him at every angle, the choking taste of mud in his mouth. At this point in time, Eddie wasn’t sure what was worse—that Buck seemed to put his foot in his mouth whenever he talked to Eddie, or the fact that he didn’t seem to give a fuck where and when he was flapping his yap.

An exploding man hole cover literally knocking someone’s arm into the nearby pool? He had barely started with “Hey, you good? You must have lucked out after that firetruck and all…” before Eddie was talking over him, asking for gauze and a tourniquet to try and save some of the live tissue in the very-much-not-alive arm. 

A stab wound to the ass that resulted in the most lifelike Michelin man that Eddie had ever seen? “So, silver star, huh? You save a platoon or something?” Eddie managed to smile, jaw tight as he shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I was just in convoy.”

Even their downtime wasn’t safe—a grocery run that wound up with the entire team stacked high with grocery bags as they walked back into the station? “Hey, I saw a piece about that drill—“

“Alright, who wants lunch?” Eddie was immensely thankful for Bobby’s distraction, not bothering to hide the fact that his interruption was far from a coincidence. By now, even Hen was looking at Buck like he was a crazy person at that point—or maybe just an asshole. 

Somehow, after all of their calls, it only came to a head in the gym. Apparently, Buck had decided that the subtle approach (not that anything Buck did could be called subtle) wasn’t good enough, and for whatever reason decided that the gym was the best time to approach Eddie. 

Honestly, if Eddie wasn’t a good thirty away from the first real workout he had had in weeks, he probably would have walked away.

“Eddie, you… you know who I am, right?”

His jaw twitching in time with his punches, Eddie finally relented from the poor bag and looked at Buck directly, jaw set as he started to rewrap his hands. “And what if I didn’t? You think this would have gone over well with HR, the new guy bringing up the worst days of my life and all but asking me about a fucking guardian angel?”

“Jesus, that’s not what I—“

“I met Athena.”

Eddie could almost hear Buck’s mouth shut, the clack of his teeth somehow louder than the din of the station behind him. “I met her and she told me that she didn’t know what had happened, and then she offered to make me forget. Forget about you, about everything, because not even she knew where you had wound up.” Eddie started, rolling his wrists easily. “She apologized to me, she said she missed you, well, not that she was alone in that sense. You should probably find a way to apologize to her, too. Let her know you’re okay. Hold the bag.” Eddie’s voice was low even as his tone started to sharpen, doing his absolute best to keep his face neutral, lest he want any attention from Hen or Bobby for harassing the new guy. 

To Buck’s credit, he did as Eddie asked, holding the bag steady as Eddie started to wail on it anew, thankful that he at least had the temporary distraction of pressure against his knuckles to stop the urge to scream into the sky. 

“Athena… she really did that?” Eddie didn’t respond, just threw another punch, grunting with the exertion. Buck’s voice was low, barely louder than the sound of Eddie’s hands making contact with the bag. “Is that what you want? An apology? Because I’m not going to apologize for saving you, Eddie, I’m not going to say sorry for not leaving you in the bottom of a pit to… I’m not sorry for that. So if that’s what you’re after, I don’t know what to offer you.” 

Eddie threw a kick from his left, giving Buck plenty of time to adjust his grip before his ankle came smashing into the bag, panting as he stared Buck down, feeling the anger start to drain out of him as he breathed, shaking his head. “Buck, is that what you think this is about?”

Buck, bless him, just looked like a lost puppy when what Eddie said sunk in.

“You saved my life. I mean, you’ve always kept me safe, but back there you saved my life. You let me go home to my kid, you… I could never thank you enough for that. I’m not mad about that.” He shook his head, flexing his fingers as he took another fighting stance, his poster lower, more subdued than the all out attack he was waging before. 

“Well then what—“

“I’m not mad at you because you left.” Eddie repeated, starting another round of punches, each hit slower, shorter, but packed with more force than was strictly necessary. “I’m mad at you because you fucking—because you didn’t come back. Because you chose not to come back. You went through the academy, top of the class, and that was eighteen weeks of you being here, just miles away from me in Los Angeles, and you let me think that you were dead that entire time. You were with me my whole entire life, you were a constant, and then I lost you, Buck, and I had to try and live with that. And then you show up at work today, and you’re alive, and human, and I’ve had barely eight hours to deal with all of this, after I—I fucking mourned you. I mourned you, and you let me, and that—that’s why I’m mad.”

Although, the more he spoke, the more Eddie realized that he wasn’t mad, not really, not that he would own up to it that easily. He wasn’t angry, he was just… crushed. His hook got sloppy and he went wide, eyes wild, stumbling only a little before catching himself on the bag.

“Why does everyone leave me? What did I do, Buck, why didn’t you come back?”

The sudden sound of footsteps drew his eye up to the loft where the next shift was pouring in, easily exchanging pleasantries with Eddie’s team, and Eddie felt the last bit of fight drain out of him as he started to unwind his gloves. The day was done. His shift was over. And after feeling nothing but empty for weeks, Eddie had just about exhausted the entire range of his emotional capabilities in less than a day.

“Eddie, I—“

“Forget it, Buck. I’ll see you tomorrow, or whatever.” Eddie said, not even bothering to look over his shoulder as he headed back to the locker area.

-

“Fire and Rescue, hello?”

Eddie was having another… long day. Not a bad day, not necessarily, but not a… great day either. He had still managed to get up, he had still brought himself to work, he still managed an honest smile when he kissed Chris goodbye, but he found himself hesitating before he wound up walking into the 118. He didn’t know if he could handle Buck again today—thankfully, it seemed like he didn’t have to. Buck was mostly absent that morning, giving Eddie enough apologetic looks over the table to display that he got he had been an asshole the day before (or, more likely, that Hen and Chim had verbally beat that fact into him before Eddie got there).

Their morning had gone off without incident—there had only been one real call outside a few false alarms, a moron with his head literally cemented into a microwave—and to be honest, Eddie couldn’t deny the fact that he loved how easily he and Buck could work together. Well, how easy they worked together when Buck shut up for three minutes. 

Another save, an easy lunch, and Eddie’s eight hour shift looked like it would be ending easily when they got the call to head down to Torrence, walking into what felt like the worlds most mothball-scented Army Navy Surplus store.

Eddie felt his body tense up as soon as the word ‘grenade’, having to take a split second to remind himself that he was still in the States, he wasn’t in wartime, he was still safe. Because he was safe, they were okay, until Buck moved the dressings and a gold glint caught his eye. 

“None of the guys I’ve worked with were dumb enough to shoot a live round into their own leg, but I’m familiar with the ordinance.”

Eddie felt his jaw twitch again as Buck stared him down, a tic that he was sure would come to be familiar in over the next few days. Honestly, he was starting to think that Buck was just bringing all the mess with him—he had gone months without a call that threatened his life and limb, and then as soon as Buck came back into his life, there he was, with a grenade stuck inside of some old, gun collecting bastard. He could almost feel the moment where Buck opened his mouth—it was the same feeling he got whenever Buck had appeared, years and years ago, whenever something extremely stupid was about to happen. 

“I’m in.” 

Of course he was. 

For what it was worth, Buck had stellar bedside manner. It was easy for him to to make small talk with Charlie while he hung the morphine, asking about his wife, his life, and Eddie found himself a little bit reassured by how easily Buck was able to buckle down and rise to the situation. After all, Buck had been doing that for Eddie’s whole life—it would be a shame if he lost that skill when he could use it the most.

They kept their talk small and professional as Eddie worked, even though most of his work was giving short, clipped orders, like he was afraid that the grenade would be able to tell how stressed out he was and put them both out of their misery, then and there. They both let out a collective sigh of relief as the grenade plunked, solid and heavy into the bin, Buck hastily closing it like a lid would save them all if that thing were to blow up.

Eddie was just finishing up, throwing a few stitches to try and keep things together until Charlie could make it up to surgery when Buck finally found his voice.

“I was scared, Eddie.”

Eddie didn’t even bother looking up, his fingers working quickly. “I know, but we got it out, we just have to be careful not to move the box too much.”

“No. I mean, about coming back, about seeing you, I… I was scared.”

Eddie looked up as he threw another stitch, sparing a quick look to make sure that the old man was still out cold. When Buck looked up to him, Eddie rose his brows, giving him a little not of encouragement. 

“You said I’ve been with you your whole life, but… that goes both ways, Eddie. I don’t even know what happened, one minute I had hurled you out of that lake, and the next I was nothing, there was just nothing, and then…” He took a breath as he moved the dressings, letting Eddie continue his easy stitchwort. “And then I was in a loft in Los Angeles, with a drivers license in my pocket and a brochure for the LAFD Academy on a dresser. I still don’t know how I got there, but I knew it would bring me to you.”

“Here, cut here.”

Buck snipped the end of Eddie’s suture easily, passing him a tube of antibacterial gel, dolloping it along the messy wound site.

“For the first time in years, I couldn’t feel you anymore. I didn’t know what you were doing, or how you were feeling, or if you were safe, and it scared me. I missed you, of course I did, but I knew that if I just went right back to you, it would be like nothing had changed, when really, everything had changed.” Eddie looked up as he covered the gel in an adhesive gauze patch, hanging another bag of fluids, eyes tracking between the steady blip of the heart monitor and the very live grenade in a bin at the end of the ambulance, while his brain tried to keep up with the live grenade that he and Buck were lobbing back and forth.

Nodding for Buck to open the back door, Eddie waited until they both had their feet on the ground to respond, rolling his neck. “Well, that’s kind of par for the course. Being scared, I mean.” he started, a small smile on his face as Buck looked back, catching his eye. Eddie shrugged, eye darting over to the rest of their team, still safely out of earshot as he nudged Buck’s shoulder, the motion easy and simple, muscle memory built up over years.

“Welcome to the human condition. It kind of sucks. You’re going to love it.”

And fuck, Buck was smiling again. Eddie would give anything to keep that look on his face, even as they handed Charlie off to the medics, even as the bomb squad guy called in the robot to… well, to do what, Eddie didn’t know. But that was the beauty of it all—he didn’t have to care anymore. All that mattered to him in that moment were his boots on his ground, the air around him, and maybe, if he played his cards right, the team he got to work with. He could feel Bobby’s eyes on him as he pulled his flac jacket off, a little slow on the uptake of whatever had happened in the ambulance.

“You know, you’re pretty badass under pressure.” Eddie said, his face curving up into the first real smile he had worn in days. Buck looked like a deer in the headlights, like Eddie must have been talking to someone, anyone else, and even Bobby cracked a grin as Eddie smacked him in the arm. “You can have my back any day.”

Buck looked, well, Eddie would have framed the look on Buck’s face if he could. It was a vision of pure joy, the simple sentence meaning more to both of them than anyone else could ever know, and Eddie had to resist the urge to pull him into a bone crushing hug as he kicked at the ground. 

“Yeah. Or, you know, you could… You could have mine.”

If Eddie smiled any wider, he felt like his face was going to crack.

 They were still not great—not by a long shot—but for the first time in almost six months, Eddie finally felt something close to closure, to peace, a starting point for the two of them that would take them both who-knows-where.

“Deal.”

And then, because nothing in Eddie’s life was ever easy, the ambulance exploded. Eddie wasn’t even phased at this point in his life—any exploding vehicle was fine by him as long as he wasn’t on it.

“Are, uh, are you guys hungry? There’s a great burger place around here, they’re open for another hour or so.”

-

Hanging back as the rest of his crew packed up, Bobby pulled his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed, a small smile gracing his lips as he unlocked it. 

New Message from A - 11:12PM

Well? Was I right, or was I right?

“Cap, come on! Burgers wait for no man!”

To A - 11:14PM

They’re going to be one hell of a team.

#guardianangel!buck #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #buddiefic #911fic #so happy to have this out of my drafts #srsly don't feel shy about pointing shit out to me #it's what I can do so I can an grow #FINALLY THIS IS DONE #I HATE IT ALREADY LMAOOO

[xxbluestrifexx]

Scripted - Choi Chanhee

Summary: Chanhee and Y/N never expected their soulmates to be foreigners, but neither of them were against the idea. It would open a window of opportunity for adventures that they couldn’t dream of as teenagers. 

Characters: choi chanhee (new) x reader

Genre/Warnings: soulmate au, college au, foreigner au, fluff, angst if you squint

Words: 2.4k

Additional: Bold words are spoken in Korean

---

    Chanhee was peeved. The elegant script on his wrist didn't remotely resemble the harsh lines of Korean characters, rather the curly and exaggerated letters of the English language. How could fate be so cruel, to match two people who may not ever meet? It was a tragedy. But what really made him upset was that he couldn’t even read his soulmate’s name.

On the other hand, Y/N was very excited when the ink appeared on her wrist. All of her friends were complaining about how basic and common the names of their soulmates were, narrowing their chances of finding the right person. But not this young girl, no, her soulmate wasn’t a James or a William. He was exotic, someone who’s name that she’d have to study to be able to learn; and she loved the challenge. 

Chanhee’s soulmate’s name had made itself known when he’d turned sixteen, almost dead center of his high school career. At this point, he’d completed his required language credits with two semesters of Japanese, and it seemed that he’d have to sacrifice his extra choir classes for English ones. It’s not that Chanhee was off-put by the fact his soulmate was different, he was actually quite excited. He just believed that the romance may have been doomed before it had even begun because of the distance. There were too many ‘what if’s’ to factor in, and it made Chanhee’s heart hurt when he thought about it too much. All of the heartache was left behind when Chanhee was first able to utter the name on his wrist. 

Y/N L/N....

Y/N’s wrist had also been inked when she’d turned sixteen. Unlike the sprawling cursive that she’d seen adorn the wrists of her friends and family, Y/N’s wrist was characterized with dark lines and odd symbols that she couldn’t decipher. It was puzzling to say the least, but the scowl had quickly turned into a smile. Unlike Chanhee, she hadn’t fulfilled any language credits, leaving the challenge of learning Korean right open. It took her awhile to figure out that the language was indeed Korean, believing it to be Chinese first. But eventually the symbols matched to letters and the words all fell into place…

Choi Chanhee…

Both people were giddy with excitement, continuously mouthing the name of their soulmate over and over, ingraining it to memory. They threw themselves into studying the other’s language, losing sleep some nights just to perfect simple sentences. By the time Chanhee had graduated high school, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about attending an English university. He applied all over the world, applications being sent out to America, Great Britain and even places in Asia that had good exchange student programs if going abroad failed. 

Unfortunately, Y/N had the same idea. She applied to every major university in South Korea, hoping to god she’d get in. She had other colleges in mind too; ones with good Korean History majors with exchange programs. The pair got their acceptance letters on the same day, shock written all over their faces. Out of every university, they each only got accepted to one choice; it had to have been fate.

Chanhee spent the summer studying English for his first semester at NYU, anxiously trying to master as much as the foreign language as he could. Y/N took summer classes at UCLA to brush up on her Korean, the acceptance letter to Seoul National University tacked to her cork board the moment it had come in. Both were anxious, hoping and praying that fate would give them a chance. To Y/N and Chanhee, the single acceptance letters meant a meeting, a one out of a hundred chances that they could be together. 

Chanhee’s bags were packed and loaded into his family’s car by 7:30 am that August day, his flight leaving at approximately 8:45 and headed to New York. The time difference was messing with Chanhee’s brain the deeper he thought about it; He would technically land at 10 am on August 7th, the same day he departed his home in South Korea, but yet almost fourteen hours ahead. Regardless, Chanhee found himself settled into a less than comfortable economy class seat on a plane that would hopefully take him to his soulmate. 

Y/N didn’t get any sleep on August 6th; there was honestly no point. She would have to leave her childhood home shortly after midnight to catch her 1:30 am flight to New York. There wasn’t a huge difference between Los Angeles and New York, her flight putting her in the state a little after 10 am. The flight wasn’t long, around five hours if she was lucky. The flight to South Korea that would follow would be hell; she didn’t know how on earth she’d be able to stand a fourteen hour flight. She’d have to count on lots of sleep. 

--- Y/N’s POV - 10:34 am ---

    JFK International Airport was just as big and noisy as I’d expected it to be. Too bad I had a headache and couldn’t appreciate the full beauty of New York City. Every corner I turned had people from different parts of the globe at it, their native languages adding to the endless chatter that bounced off the walls of the airport. I got to baggage claim a little bit after 10:30, spotting my mustard yellow suitcase from a mile away. My smaller plastic case covered in stickers ordered off of Amazon conveniently laid next to it. After successfully attaching the small box to my suitcase, I took off towards the shuttles, catching one before it had shut its doors. 

I took a seat and pulled up a map on my phone, trying to figure out where the seating area and terminal were for my next flight to South Korea. Sighing to myself when I saw they were on the opposite side of the airport, I shut my phone off and closed my eyes. So much for the idea of stopping for breakfast.

--- Chanhee’s POV - 10:42 ---

    Baggage claim had been a nightmare. I’d frozen at the sheer amount of English that I hadn’t heard which area his suitcase would be dropped off at. A business-looking woman had kindly told me in broken Korean as we exited the terminal. I thanked her profusely before running off in the opposite direction, following the many arrows and signs meant to direct me towards the baggage claim. In the end I found it with just enough time to claim my silver suitcase before it disappeared through the chute. I sighed with relief, the voice in my head had been dreading having to go to a help desk and attempt to explain the situation. 

The shuttle was practically empty of people heading to the main building of JFK International Airport. It was easier on me this way, I could read everything and fully absorb information without crowds of people getting in the way. As I exited the shuttle, luggage dragging across the ground behind me, my neck tingled slightly. It was like a breeze had come through and raised the hairs on the back of my neck. I couldn’t describe the feeling, it was overwhelming yet not in so many different ways. Unfortunately the moment was ruined by the ringing of my cell phone. I sighed and unlocked it, answering the call and putting the phone to my ear. 

--- Y/N’s POV - 10:49 am ---

    I ambled around the main expanse of the airport, looking for my terminal and any fast-food restaurant that could fulfill my stomach without making me miss my flight. I’d already passed through airport security, the process much quicker here than back home in LAX. I scanned the faces of so many people, trying to find one that looked friendly enough to go up to. If I could just find someone who might know where the Asian airlines were, I could save myself a trip to an Airport Help Desk that could take more time than I was willing to sacrifice. 

As I strutted along I caught the ending of a conversation in Korean. I listened for a moment to confirm I was indeed comprehending the language and turned to pinpoint the source of the conversation. About ten feet away stood a guy; He was taller than me, with a skinny and lanky body and thick brown hair that resembled a mullet if you squinted. He was speaking rapid Korean into his phone, pushing hair out of his face, his soulmate tattoo peeking out from under his sleeves. 

In a moment of desperation, I made my way over to him, hoping that he had indeed just come from Korea and would know which shuttle I could take to find my terminal. It really did seem silly, fully aware that I was choosing a person who’s language I was still learning over any other passerby who could comprehend my native tongue. But something in the back of my mind was urging me to go to him, to speak to him. I reached him just as he had seemingly hung up on the phone, his hand tucking the device back into his pocket.

“Excuse me, could you tell me where terminal T18 is?”

I spoke slowly, hoping that I’d gotten every pronunciation and word correct. He stared at me in stunned silence, his mouth gaped open. After a long pause, he regained his consciousness and responded in Korean.

“Maybe- try taking that shuttle over there. I’m pretty sure T18 was near where I came from.”

--- Third POV - 10:50 ---

   Chanhee honestly couldn’t believe that his first interaction in America would be in Korean. He was so ready to speak English, pushing all the doubts of his pronunciation and accent down. But here he was, speaking in his sharp Korean to a complete stranger, a foreigner no less. Though, he supposed, he was the foreigner now. 

The girl bowed briefly and thanked him, turned to re-grab her loaded down suitcase and head to the shuttle loading area. She was beautiful, Chanhee thought. Her piercing (e/c) eyes and her expertly tied up (h/c) hair. The light makeup she wore suited her, and the form-fitting leggings accented the muscles in her thighs and calves well. He didn’t mean to shamelessly check her out, but it was hard not to appreciate true beauty when he saw it.

In the split second the girl went to walk away his hand shot out and grabbed her forearm. Both of them were shocked to say the least; Chanhee’s thoughts were very muddled when he met her eyes. Just as she was about to speak, Chanhee beat her to it in his best English.

“Where are you going?”

The girl seemed puzzled, and looked down at the grip he had on her arm. Chanhee immediately released her and stepped back, allowing the girl to take him in fully as well. 

Y/N was shocked when she felt the hand stop her from advancing forward, and even more shocked when the stranger asked her a basic question in heavily accented English. She was torn between talking to the very handsome stranger and getting to the terminal early. She examined the time on her watch, the digital face telling her it was 11 am before meeting the eyes of the man and responding.

“I’m going to South Korea, I’m attending college in Seoul.”

Chanhee seemed surprised by the answer, though he didn’t know what he was expecting coming from someone he happened to stumble across in the airport. He supposed that this meeting was a chance, a Korean-speaking American stopping and asking an English-speaking Korean for directions to her terminal. They thought made him pause then smile, wondering if this had been fate.

“What’s your name?” Chanhee asked quietly, the ghost of a smile on his lips and hope in his eyes.

“Y/N.” She responded, turning towards Chanhee questioningly, still not catching on to what was happening. “What’s yours? What brings you to New York?”

Happiness. Joy. Excitement. These were all the emotions coursing through Chanhee. Y/N, a face to the words scrawled on his wrist. There was no doubt in his mind that this was his soulmate; that this was his home. 

“My name is Chanhee, nice to meet you! I’m in America for college as well.”

The look of shock that crossed your face when you processed his words would stay in his mind forever. The way Y/N’s eyes sparkled with tears, and the way her lips curved upwards into a brilliant smile. The airport seemed to quiet around them, as if time was frozen in this moment just for them.

Y/N was shocked; She didn’t think that this chance meeting would be the one to bring her and her soulmate together. She thought that meeting Chanhee would have occurred in a class or perhaps at a small coffee house near campus. Never in a million years was Y/N prepared to bump into Chanhee at JFK International Airport the day before she would start a new life in South Korea dedicated to finding him. 

The pair smiled at each other, taking in the sight before Y/N unexpectedly threw her arms around Chanhee, pulling him into a tight hug. After a moment of processing, Chanhee wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist and laid his chin on her head, laughing at the gesture. They pulled back and stared into each other’s eyes just as reality cut back in.

“11:30 am flight to Seoul, South Korea at T18 is boarding, repeat, flight to Seoul at T18 is boarding now!”

Chanhee’s mind was frantic, whipping his head back down to search Y/N’s face. Surely she wouldn’t leave him this quickly after meeting? Then the thought occurred to him, that she would have to leave eventually. Her tuition and expenses must have already been paid for the year in Seoul, not to mention the plane ticket fee that would go to waste if she didn’t leave right this moment. His face grew somber, laying a hand on Y/N’s shoulder who seemed to be deep in thought.

“What are you all sad about? Did someone die?”

“You need to go, your flight is boarding...”

Y/N smiled, resting her own hand on top of Chanhee’s, “I’m not going anywhere for quite some time Chanhee.”

fin.

#the boyz x reader #the boyz drabbles #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz new #the boyz new x reader #the boyz chanhee #the boyz chanhee x reader #choi chanhee #choi chanhee x reader #choi chanhee soulmate #the boyz soulmate au #the boyz new soulmate #soulmate au #new soulmate au #chanhee soulmate #chanhee soulmate au

[wedreamedlove]

[Confessing Voice]

"Under the glimmering lights I was only watching your radiance. I'll place everything I wish to tell you in this song."

This is doing a rerun on the ENG server so what better time to post a translation on it than now? Maybe it'll encourage people to get the card. But I'm also curious about what people feel regarding the differences between the versions.

Does the Asian version seem more quiet with charged undertones while the English version is more physical? It reminds me of reviews I've read about different actors' takes on the Phantom of the Opera lol.

NOTE: This is the JP version with CN subbed lines because I needed to keep the literary reference with the song he sings.

[True Love Date]

I was meticulously checking the first broadcast of Miracle Finder for the New Year in the editing room.

It was an important broadcast related to our sponsors and our ratings this year. I looked over the show's contents with especially strict eyes.

Editing Staff: We've edited this 12 times already...

Everyone's line of sight gathered on me. They were waiting for me to give the OK.

MC: I think it's good this time. We're done with this!

Cheers rose. Looking at everyone who worked hard through consecutive all-nighters I felt bad.

MC: Good job everyone. I'll be generous with the project rewards so look forward to that!

Editing Staff: President, the person we need to thank the most is Professor Xu Mo.

I showed a confused expression.

Editing Staff: I secretly contacted Professor Xu Mo when we kept on redoing this. He gave me a lot of advice even though he was busy...

I looked at my phone screen in surprise. Two weeks earlier---

~~~

His face crossed my mind when I was troubled over this current project.

My hand moved on its own to call Xu Mo. It started to become a habit to contact him whenever I had problems.

Xu Mo picked up after several rings.

MC: Xu Mo? Are you busy right now? There's something I'd like to ask you...

Static crackled from the other side of the call. After a while, I heard Xu Mo's voice.

Xu Mo: I'm sorry but lately... I've been busy.

His tone was calm but also distant. It wasn't from exhaustion. I felt a coldness from somewhere.

MC: Don't worry. It wasn't anything serious, so...

Xu Mo: Mm. If it's nothing then I'm going to end the call.

MC: Okay...

Xu Mo didn't say anything further. That was more than enough to make me feel the distance between us.

MC: Wait!

MC: Um... you might be busy, but take care of yourself. Bye bye.

Just when I thought there was rough breathing it suddenly fell quiet. Hearing a monotone beeping, I came back to myself. Xu Mo had already ended the call.

MC: Did he hear my last words...?

Looking at the ended call I was struck by a strange feeling.

Maybe I was thinking too much? His words and speech was cold like never before.

MC: What am I thinking? Xu Mo is just busy...

Although I tried telling myself that I couldn't help but feel uneasy somewhere.

I shook my head and drove away my negative emotions. I relied too much on him. This time I needed to solve things by myself.

Editing Staff: ---President, President? Are the credits good like this?

I returned to the present after being lost in my thoughts. The words "Program Supervisor: Xu Mo" on the credits roll jumped into my eyes.

MC: W-what sort of advice did Professor Xu Mo give? Um... how did you get him to help? When was that?

Editing Staff: It was about 2 days ago. We were editing until 4AM but still had to redo everything... It was when you fell asleep on the sofa.

Editing Staff: After I called Professor Xu Mo, he asked me what happened to you, and I replied you were sleeping on the sofa.

Editing Staff: Then he ended the call saying he was busy. But the next morning an email arrived with detailed advice...

Editing Staff: The strange thing is that he wrote for me not to let you know. But you've found out already, so it's fine, right?

I wondered why Xu Mo helped when he had refused once.

(Why did he say not to let me know? Is there a problem if I know about it...?)

I also didn't understand the reason for Xu Mo's sudden coldness.

For a while there were no replies to my texts and his lectures were on break too. It was like he was distancing himself from me on purpose.

My heart clenched when I thought this.

Editing Staff: President, why don't we invite Professor Xu Mo to our New Year's party this time? He looked like he enjoyed our year-end party a few days ago and he helped us out this time too...

I said this while looking at the New Year's party notice I sent to everyone.

MC: He... seems to be busy, so he might not come.

Editing Staff: But he came to the year-end party even though he was busy, right...?

I hurried out of the editing room as if ending the topic.

On the day of the New Year's party, I came with everyone in the company to a newly opened high-class karaoke box in Lianyu City.

It was an elegant, modern, and spacious reserved room. A white grand piano and guitar were placed in front of the karaoke machine, and beside that was a small stage.

I checked my phone's text messages over and over again. A message from 3 days ago remained there.

Text: Xu Mo, my company's going to have a New Year's party at Petrichor 3 days later. If you'd like, why don't you come?

Text: You looked like you enjoyed singing at the year-end party a while ago, so I thought I'd invite you this time too. But if you're busy then please don't hesitate to refuse.

Even though the message was definitely sent there was no response. I sighed with worry and disappointment.

Yue Yue: President, why have you been staring constantly at your phone? Work is done for today!

Yue Yue quickly stole my phone, randomly touching the screen, and then placed it in front of herself.

MC: Hey, my phone...

I stretched out my hand but Yue Yue pushed a set of cards to me.

Yue Yue: You don't sing, right? Then let's play cards!

The company members around us gathered in interest. I had no choice but to pass the time playing cards with everyone.

Xu Mo's house---

The phone rang and a message arrived. It was from [NAME].

Xu Mo hesitated slightly and then picked up the phone. However, the message was just numbers and letters and he didn't understand what she wrote.

What was this? Xu Mo's expression became severe.

He searched on the internet and tried various methods but he couldn't decipher it. He felt a sense of frustration.

He wondered why she had sent this message.

Was she angry at being treated coldly? Or was it a demand for a reply to her New Year's party invitation...?

Xu Mo dialed her phone from his landline. However, only an automated voice saying "This phone has been turned off" came.

Xu Mo: What is wrong with me?

Xu Mo: When did I start caring about these conventions?

For a while, Xu Mo stared at the message which came from the girl 3 days ago. It was written with her usual detailed and kind words.

At the beginning, his objective was just to get close to her. But the closer he got the more he was drawn to her for some reason.

Xu Mo: Didn't I already decide to leave her life?

Why did he help her again even though he refused her once? Why was his heart unsettled from this incomprehensible message?

The intense pain in Xu Mo's heart insistently told him the reason. That over there was an answer he couldn't escape even if he desperately averted his eyes.

The moment the door to the karaoke room opened Xu Mo faintly understood the answer.

That he couldn't leave her.

~~~

MC: Xu Mo! You came?

Her clear eyes widened roundly and she looked at him. The person reflected in those eyes was him alone.

Xu Mo suddenly placed a hand on his chest. A thin thread was tightly squeezing his heart.

He sighed.

Forget it, he would be foolish once more with this foolish girl.

Xu Mo entered the room and sat beside her naturally.

MC: Weren't you busy?

MC: Erm, nevermind. You didn't reply so I didn't think you'd come.

Even under the dim lights he could clearly see her emotions.

There was joy and doubt.

He swallowed back the words he was about to say and softly stroked her hair.

Xu Mo: Sorry. I couldn't get through to your phone so I came here.

MC: You couldn't get through?

She looked down and searched the top of the sofa before showing him the phone, biting her lip awkwardly.

MC: I accidentally turned it off...

Xu Mo smiled lightly with some exasperation. Light and shadow were jumbled together in his eyes.

Xu Mo: Silly.

She gave a pure laugh and then, covering her face, her eyes darted around.

MC: Were you worried about me?

Xu Mo: Yes.

Xu Mo approached her and nodded without hesitation.

Yue Yue: Huh? It's Professor Xu Mo? President, you should have told us if the professor was coming.

MC: Uh... that's because...

Xu Mo: I heard everyone was having a New Year's party so I came without an invitation. I'm not interrupting, am I?

Yue Yue: No way. I was moved when I heard you singing at the year-end party. Everyone wants to hear it again!

Yue Yue said this and then ran back to the stage again to sing enthusiastically with Anna.

Xu Mo: Why aren't you singing together with them?

MC: Huh? I... don't sing much.

Xu Mo: I know. But I'd like to hear it.

My face turned red at Xu Mo's unexpected words.

MC: You're planning on teasing me again, aren't you...

The corners of Xu Mo's lips rose and then he sighed.

Xu Mo: It's true I was worried about you. It's also true that I want to hear you sing.

Xu Mo: Everything is true.

His casual words resounded in my heart more than any other noise in the room.

Yue Yue started singing a sad love song with Anna who was still on the stage.

Anna: Did you really throw away those glittering days...

Yue Yue: I had many dreams in those long nights. Don't remember me. One day you will also know pain...

Xu Mo looked at the words showing on the screen. The flickering light was reflected in his eyes.

The lively karaoke party on top of the stage repeated and, below the stage, everyone else amused themselves with games.

Seeing that Xu Mo had come everyone persistently invited him to join their game.

Gu Meng: Next is the improved version of Spin the Bottle! Whoever this beer bottle points to has to answer everyone's question. If they can't answer with the truth then as penalty they need to drink all this alcohol!

When Gu Meng clapped her hands the editing staff carried over a tray with five cups of whiskey.

Colleagues: This is overdoing it!

Looking at the lined up drinks, I became worried. I would get drunk from just one cup, so if I drank them all I might collapse.

That reminded me, I hadn't seen Xu Mo drink before. I looked at him inquisitively.

Xu Mo nodded and patted the back of my hand.

The beer bottle began to spin and then pointed at Gu Meng.

Yue Yue: Do you have someone you like?

Yue Yue, who had joined the circle at one point, began the questions. At that first question... everyone's eyes gathered on Gu Meng.

Gu Meng glared lightly at Yue Yue and then reluctantly nodded.

Cheers rose. Gu Meng spun the bottle as if trying to avenge herself. This time the bottle pointed at Xu Mo and stopped.

Yue Yue: Professor Xu Mo, is there someone you like in this room?

Gu Meng: How about trying another question?

Yue Yue: That's why I said "in this room"!

Xu Mo smiled and nodded decisively.

Xu Mo: There is.

That answer was so surprisingly clear that the area became quiet. After that cheers exploded and Gu Meng whistled.

My heart was already racing the second Yue Yue asked that question.

The person Xu Mo liked was in this room... My ears turned red and my mind went blank.

I unconsciously brought my hand back but Xu Mo grabbed it firmly.

Xu Mo: Why is your face red?

MC: Erm, uh... it's because of the drinks!

Xu Mo: But... it doesn't seem like you've drank anything yet.

MC: Umm, it's because it's hot then?

Looking at me as my voice gradually became smaller, Xu Mo chuckled beside my ear.

Yue Yue: Okay, next is Professor Xu Mo again!

The beer bottle pointed at Xu Mo again and stopped. This time Gu Meng restrained Yue Yue and asked a question.

Gu Meng: Who is the person you said you liked?

Everyone held their breath and stared at Xu Mo.

My heart wouldn't stop pounding. I looked down and reflexively pulled back the hand that was held by Xu Mo.

Xu Mo smiled, as if he understood something, and drained the drinks one after another.

Everyone was a bit disappointed and began to spin the bottle again.

I secretly glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He looked drunk and even his ears were red.

MC: Xu Mo, are you okay?

He nodded his head and brought his lips to my ear. His hot breath and the smell of alcohol drifted around me and it felt ticklish.

Xu Mo: I'm fine, although... you still owe me an answer.

MC: I...

I was at a loss for an answer and, at last after panicking, I fell silent. I just concentrated on touching my hair and hiding my discomposure.

Maybe it was because of the drinks or maybe the atmosphere of the place, but Xu Mo became talkative and his eyes were hazy.

Yue Yue: It's finally the president's turn!

Yue Yue and Gu Meng exchanged looks and then came up to me together.

Gu Meng: Who's the person important to you? Please be specific.

MC: How come I'm the only one who has to be "specific"?

Yue Yue: You have to keep to the rules. It's useless to try and run!

The person most important to me--- I looked at Xu Mo shyly and then breathed in deeply.

MC: That person showed me a world I didn't know about until now.

MC: He's warm but not oppressive. He's calm but not melancholic. He's a person that's like a clear sky and a deep fog.

MC: He also notices the slightest change in my feelings and taught me the laws of this world.

MC: Whenever I'm lost he leads me forward with a gentleness that surrounds me.

I sunk into my memories and continued to talk by myself, not noticing how beside me Xu Mo placed his glass down, furrowed his brows, and bit his lip...

MC: He is... a very, very important person to me.

Finished talking about my heart, I gave a deep sigh.

Colleague A: For the president to talk so passionately means that "man" isn't here, right? If he was here, then you wouldn't say this, huh~.

Yue Yue: I wanna know who it is!

MC: Hey now! Enough with the chatter, let's move on...

Everyone unanimously guessed at the "man" I talked about. Xu Mo remained silent and raised his glass, taking a mouthful of his drink.

Despite the game resuming Xu Mo seemed strange somewhere. It was like his cheer up to now had disappeared.

MC: Maybe he's drunk? He drank a lot earlier...

MC: I've never seen him drunk. I'm sure it'd be cute.

I stood in front of the sink, thinking about how he'd look drunk, and giggled.

~~~

The moment I stepped out into the hall to return to the room my arm was suddenly grabbed by someone. I was held against a sturdy chest with a force I couldn't fight against.

I was dumbfounded. The scent of summer grass and the smell of faint alcohol surrounded me.

When I came back to myself I was held tightly to Xu Mo. My back was against the wall and one of my arms was caught by him.

MC: Xu Mo...

My heart raced and I didn't know what to do.

Xu Mo looked at me with empty eyes.

Xu Mo: Is that person so important to you?

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Tell me. Who is that person?

Xu Mo suddenly came close, speaking in a censuring tone.

(Hold on. Didn't he hear me talk? Or... did he misunderstand?)

I looked up at Xu Mo. Complicated emotions that seemed about to overflow even now were being restrained desperately in his eyes.

MC: You've got it wrong...

Xu Mo: Tell me...

Xu Mo came even closer. The scorching heat of his presence enveloped my surroundings.

It was the first time I saw him with such a scary look. It was so surprising I had no idea what to do. I stared into his eyes and said this.

MC: It's you.

MC: ... The "man" I was talking about is you, Xu Mo. You're my important person.

Xu Mo's eyes became dazed for a second. The smell of alcohol disappeared.

MC: I was talking about you. But... it looks like I caused a misunderstanding...

Xu Mo regained his calm and quietly released my arm.

Xu Mo: I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

MC: A little...

Xu Mo looked down and rubbed gently at my arm. I couldn't see his expression but his warmth reached up to my ears.

When we returned to the room everyone was still excited. My heart raced just from remembering what happened earlier.

Pressing on my chest, I told myself to "calm down". Then, so that he wouldn't drink any more alcohol, I secretly pulled his glass in front of me.

Yue Yue: President, you never sing, right? How about singing 1 song today at least?

Yue Yue held out the mic to me.

MC: Erm! I'll pass...

I looked at Xu Mo and nervously declined.

It wasn't that I was bad at singing. It was just that I wasn't prepared to sing in front of Xu Mo.

Yue Yue: If the president won't sing then I'll have Professor Xu Mo sing!

Hearing that, everyone became even more enthusiastic.

Xu Mo, who was looking at me, nodded. I also wanted to hear him sing.

He gave a soft smile and, holding a glass, went to the stage.

It was at that time that I finally noticed him wearing a black turtleneck and dark purple scarf.

The speckled lights shone on him and how he had a hand casually placed in his pocket. A languid and alluring atmosphere was brought out.

Xu Mo set his glass down. Then, after thinking a little, he came to me and nonchalantly took my hand and returned directly to the stage again.

He wasn't using a strong force, but there was a sense of pressure that brooked no refusal.

Before I knew it, he slotted his body against mine and placed his chin on my shoulder. The aroma of the alcohol mixed with a refreshing fragrance which was like grasslands after the rains stopped.

Xu Mo: What would you like to sing?

MC: ... Do I have to sing?

Xu Mo: I want to hear you sing.

MC: You won't be shocked after hearing my singing, right?

I raised my head and said this, pursing my lips.

Xu Mo: Then... why don't we try it?

His mouth came close to my ear and he said this in a low voice. I nodded in a dazed manner with a mind gone hazy from the alcohol.

Xu Mo operated the karaoke machine and a mellow melody rang out.

His palm covered my hand. It was a large hand which seemed to cover my hand and the mic together.

Something like a weak current seemed to run through my entire body from his dry palm...

His eyes stared straight at me... straight into the depths of my heart.

Something like a decision was reflected in those eyes.

Xu Mo: When I fall in love, it will be forever.

It was a low enrapturing voice, like a late autumn wind or the swelling night ocean. He sang with his heart in it.

That voice knocked on the door to my heart.

Memories came into my mind one after another.

The first time we met and his beautiful face under a dazzling light. The time we met in a movie theatre at midnight. That golden-colored picnic. That rainbow after the rain lifted...

All those memories rode on that singing voice and slowly flowed throughout the sparkling room.

MC: And the moment---

MC: I can feel that you feel that way too---

As we sang we came even closer together and our hands continued to remain touching.

From the beginning until the end, Xu Mo looked at me with a constant smile and eyes that held expectation.

Xu Mo: It turns out a song can be this short.

The song ended and we got off the stage.

MC: Xu Mo, you really do sing well!

Xu Mo's lips curved and he said this with mischievous eyes.

Xu Mo: Oh? Can I believe... the words of a little liar?

MC: Huh, what do you mean?

Xu Mo: I was actually looking forward to your shocking singing.

I remembered how I said earlier "You won't be shocked after hearing my singing, right?" and my face turned red.

MC: Who asked you to believe in that...

Xu Mo: Then what else have you tricked me on?

Xu Mo flicked my forehead with a finger.

MC: Um... before I said you didn't have to come if you were busy, but to be honest I really wanted you to come.

I looked at Xu Mo and, while thinking this and that, spoke awkwardly.

Xu Mo was surprised. Flickering light surged up violently in his eyes and I saw him swallow, Adam's apple bobbing.

MC: What's wrong?

He gave a long sigh and then spoke in a voice even lower than earlier.

Xu Mo: I won't do that anymore.

He looked apologetically at me.

Xu Mo: Why won't you ask if I've ever tricked you?

I blinked.

MC: Um... of course I know that you've tricked me.

Xu Mo: For example?

MC: You were clearly drunk earlier even though you said you weren't drunk. Even more, you misunderstood me...

Looking at her grumble, Xu Mo was a bit surprised and he laughed quietly. Then he drew in the glass beside his hand and drank a mouthful.

His mind was hazy. Her smile and the spotted lights swayed in front of his eyes.

He thought about how he was surely drunk. But that was fine. Being drunk was better.

The music could continue, the drinks could continue.

That way he could tell himself this. That he was taken in by this atmosphere and the alcohol. And that's what these gentle feelings and hesitation resulted from.

Xu Mo raised his glass and drained it all at once.

~~~

DATE DIARY

Everyone worked really hard for the first show of the new year. Finally, after it took shape, I learned that Xu Mo helped. I thought he had refused to though... Why?

On that day, if I remember correctly, I asked for Xu Mo's help but he refused me coldly. Why did he help me again at the critical moment? I don't really understand Xu Mo.

I thought Xu Mo wouldn't come to the New Year's party but he came on the day of. He said he became worried because I didn't answer my phone. During a game of Spin the Bottle, Xu Mo confessed for the first time that he had a person he liked.

I also talked about the person most important to me. But, because Xu Mo was drunk, he seemed to misunderstand that. I'm someone who rarely sings in front of others but for some reason I ended up in a duet with Xu Mo. There was joy in his eyes.

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer #mlqc xu mo #mlqc lucien #my translations

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

THAT’S RIGHT BITCH! It’s October and I am still watching and inexplicably blogging about Supernatural - a dinosaur of a television show that’s been on the air longer than most children I know have been alive. 

I know I’m An Old because I don’t think kids these days understand the struggle it was watching television before streaming. We had to wait for episodes. Hell, I don’t think kids these days even really have to wait for seasons. I mean, Voltron premiered on Netflix in 2016, capped off their seasons at 13 episodes a piece and, oh yeah - aired seasons 5 - 8  all in 2018. Was I mad about that? No of course not. Do I also say phrases like “kids these days? Yes, so who even knows if what I think is relevant anymore. 

Alright, so speaking of seasons, last time I looked at pilots and pilot seasons and how the streaming era is changing everything we know about starting a TV show. But once you’ve got your pilot down, now what? 

Not this kind of pilot. Also, based on the prerequisites for demon possession, we’re all agreed this co-pilot’s like, an alcoholic, right?

There’s a rule in TV (sort of) that the first six episodes (some might argue the first season entirely) should be a kind of rehash of the pilot. The pilot sets up your premise and once you’ve got your pilot down, your job as a TV writer is to re-establish that premise over and over again. You’re building your world, you’re writing it’s rules. You’re setting up a template, a formula for how your episodes are gonna play out. This helps your audience get to know the characters, get familiar with your world, get comfortable spending time with them. Essentially, you’re getting your audience to trust the show that they’re going to be tuning in to for at least the next 20-some-odd episodes. 

I’d also argue that this is important so that later, you can break that format later. I’m not saying you should break the trust your audience puts in you, and that’s probably a real fine line of distinction. But if you break your rules right, it can hit the audience with a big emotional sucker punch. Or, it can stand out as a real breakout, tentpole of an episode - I’m thinking specifically about Ghostfacers! In season 3, or Once More, With Feeling, from Buffy. Those episodes work, really work, because they deviate from the formula, but they only work because we know the formula so well.  And these aren’t big changes to the way episodes are done, they’re just shifted ever so slightly that they felt new again.. 

So what is the premise of the first four episodes Supernatural? What’s the formula they set up for the rest of the series? 

Brothers. I said it in my last post, I’ll say it again, Sam and Dean/Jensen Ackles and Jared Jared Padalecki are what makes this show. Full stop. I think we could have gotten 5 seasons out of a show starring two other dudes. I do not think this show could have gotten 15 seasons with two other dudes. So from the pilot through Phantom Traveler, we learn that Sam and Dean have a sh*tty home life - their mother was killed by some mysterious evil thing and their father raised them to be little demon-hunting child soldiers while they look for the killer. Oh yeah, and Sam’s girlfriend died the exact same way which we will never forget because Sam’s gonna have a dream about it almost every episode from here on out. We set up the tension between the brothers - that Sam got to go to college while Dean stayed with their dad like a good boi. We learn that everybody hates each other probably because they are deeply and unhealthily codependent love each other so damn much. 

Next we get the basic rundown of the season arc: 

Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days. The Winchester brothers are looking for him and by extension, looking for answers as to what killed their mom/Sam’s girlfriend. We also get the basic rundown of every episode: dad is a mysterious and elusive sonuvuabitch, so every episode they go about, say it with me now:

“The family business.” I would also accept “Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can,” but why can’t I find a gif for it?!? 

Backtracking on this but you know what else gets hecking established with the Winchesters? Sam is the cute one with the people skills and the puppy dog face, so you’d naturally assume that he’s the soft one. No. Not the case. Dean is the Sofffft Boi. The SOFTest boi. Dean wants Sam to talk about his feelings, Dean wants Sam to not keep things bottled up, Dean is the one who desperately wants to keep a hold of his family and also is just deeply broken and traumatized on the inside and oh no, I told myself I wouldn’t do this but I did it anyway. Sorry not sorry. This watch, I’m really picking up on the fact that Dean is, weirdly, the Mom Friend in this first season. Like, he’s basically a Trailer-Trash-Teen-Pregnancy Mom who’ll give you spaghettios five nights a week and a shot of whiskey so you’ll quit yer bitchin’ and go to sleep faster, but he’s the Mom nonetheless. Later in this season and in other seasons, I think you even see him do his dumb-baby-best filling in as the Mom when John went off the deep end. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings and we don’t have time to unpack all of that so I’ll just move on.

RUDE.

Next we set up our Supernatural Bag of Holding - what’s in it? What are the mystical artifacts they use to kill those evil sons of bitches? First up is The Car. Damn, I am not a cars girl, but that 67 Chevy, it does things to me. 

This car has some weird pavlovian trigger for me, it’s not NATURAL. 

The journal. 

John Winchester, you journal the way I imagine a psycho killer journals and I would just really appreciate it if you could be ANY MORE ORGANIZED THAN THIS.

The Trunk Full of Weapons - I love that in these first few episodes (and possibly the rest of the series???) they give this HELLA conspicuous look every time they open the trunk full of weapons. It’s hilarious EVERY TIME.

No, you’re not being obvious at ALL, guys.

The Fake ID’s - from credit cards to impersonating feds, these boys are not afraid to break the law to save some lives and I feel like that’s...that’s the theme of the show maybe? They’re here to save people and they’ll do what they have to to do that? In a world that clearly establishes a dark vs. light/good vs. evil dichotomy, the Winchester make it their job to live in a world of grey? Basically? 

Next on the checklist for this first season of Supernatural - it’s spoopy. *Spoop mileage may vary.* I said it last time, but I’ll say it again: this first season aired at 9:00pm at night. That means it’s primetime stuff for the 18 - 25 year old crowd, but they don’t want to risk some 13 year old watching it and getting too scared before bed. 9:00pm is X Files time slots, Fringe time slots. 9:00pm says you’re gonna get something a little more gruesome and gory and shocking than at 8pm. 8pm is for Friends. Vampire Diaries aired at 8pm its first season. 9pm is for the real adult content (but not too adult because the audience is still mostly children). 

SPOOP!

But yeah, let’s look at the real horror vibe that you get off of these first four episodes. We talked about La Llorona from the first episode - this is a legit ghost that they fight. The kids at the end that literally drag their mom to hell? Pretty spooky stuff. The Wendigo in episode 2 is a literal monster of the week and so for me personally, it’s not that scary, but it is a cannibal monster that eats human flesh. Dead in the Water has vibes from both Jaws and Friday the 13th. Everything from the lighting to the sound design let’s you know this is a horror show, or as horror as you can get on network television. Listen to the scenes just before somebody dies and you get a nice creepy “Come play with me” whisper coming out of the water. I’m a little spooked just thinking about it now. Yes I know I’m a chicken, and I’m OK WITH THAT. And if we go past my season 1 disc 1 into episode 5, Bloody Mary is STILL terrifying and I STILL watched that episode with half my face covered. That’s where I am these days. It’s 2020 and the world is a nightmare but imagining Bloody Mary creepin’ out in my mirror does not need to be a part of it. 

SHE F*CKIN CLIMBS OUT OF THE MIRROR GUYS! I DIDN’T KNOW SHE COULD DO THAT!!!

Then we get Phantom Traveler and our very first case of black-eyed-demonic possession. Watching this episode now, it’s like watching someone’s home movie of their first steps as a baby. They’ve never even done an exorcism before guys! They have to read the exorcism rite out of the journal! It’s so cute!!! Let’s not think too hard about how they got that full sized bottle of holy water past TSA in a post-9/11 world. And try to ignore how poorly these special effects have aged - the smoke from the demon possession?? OMG! THIS EFFECT! I’m pretty sure I could make that effect with my first ever graphic design software on my, like, 2009 mac book pro. So cute and soooo good! I’m gonna leave that CG plane alone, they’re doing their best. 

SO cute and SOOO good!

You want to know what my favorite established staple of Supernatural season 1 is? The extras. LOOKIT these guys - 

Wendigo you have Cory Monteith who later goes on to star in Glee. 

You have Alden Ehrenreich, Debatable Han Solo, doing a lot of face work with very little dialogue. 

You have Gina Holden who is in SO. MANY. Spooky-type things! My personal favs are Blood Ties and Harper’s Island, but she’s in Fringe, she’s in the SAW franchise, she’s in the Final Destination franchise, she was in some deleted scenes on an episode of Teen Wolf! I LOVE seeing Gina Holden, anywhere she pops up. 

And speaking of Harper’s Island, you’ve also got Callum Keith Rennie who played John Wakefield in Harper’s Island, a show that was A+ Great and I highly recommend if you like Agatha Christie and/or murder mysteries. 

Honestly, Rennie looks like he’s about to murder a bitch in this episode of Supernatural, it is not a stretch to believe he’s a psycho killer.

Dead in the Water you’ve got Amy Acker, a regular in Joss Whedon and Whedon-adjacent type shows.

Good LORD, this wardrobe was SO 2000′s WB and it PAINED me.

And finally in Phantom Traveler, you have Jaime Ray Newman who also shows up in a lot of the shows that I like to watch. She was in Eureka, she was in Midnight Texas, both kind of terrible shows that I love because they are terrible, but she was ALSO in Bates Motel and Veronica Mars, which are generally considered to be more quality, so there’s that. 

This still implies that they actually LIT scenes, which is a SURPRISE TO ME. 

Point is, seeing these actors in Supernatural back in the early 2000’s felt like I was seeing the start of their careers. That may or may not have been the case, but as a viewer it was exciting to see them pop up again in other things.

So what about TV now? Do we still use those first 6 (sometimes more) episodes to re-establish the premise? Well, it certainly hasn’t gone away. Look at any network show that still produces 22 - 24 episodes a season and you’ll still see that the pilot season just keeps re-iterating the premise established in the pilot episode, specifically in anything that’s procedural - that’s you’re monster/problem-of-the-week shows. Think sitcoms like Brooklyn 99 or Superstore or dramedies like Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. The reason being that these shows play in the traditional model of television - on a network, once a week. They are not releasing episodes all at one time or relying on their audiences to stream a whole season in one sitting. These are shows that still assume that someone out there is going to tune in or stumble across their show one night while they’re surfing channels (lol) and need to be told, no matter what episode they’ve just turned on, what the premise of the show is. They need to be formulaic so that people can pick it up anywhere at any time.

But what about shows that don’t follow this traditional model? I mentioned in my last post that seasons are getting shorter and shorter, so when you’re writing a show that only has (8) episodes instead of 22, how much time do you really want to spend establishing the premise? Because of these short seasons, you’re also dealing with shows that are more serialized and less procedural than their predecessors - meaning, you’re dealing with a show that focuses on a season long story (think Game of Thrones or Stranger Things where each episode is an important chapter that you can’t skip) vs. a procedural (think the shows I mentioned above or any cop drama really) where each episode is it’s own contained story, neatly wrapped up at the end. These are shows where you can skip an episode and still know where you are in the show no matter where you start or stop watching. Supernatural is a little bit of both - procedural with their monsters of the week AND serialized with a season long arc. We’ll talk more on that in a later post. 

Not only are we getting shorter seasons, but we’re also dealing with shows that are not released over long periods of time. A few streaming channels, like Disney+ and HBO Max, make a deliberate point to slow-drip their seasons, but most streaming channels will release entire seasons in one shot. You don’t need to worry about your audience missing an episode because they have 24/7 access to all the episodes all at once. And for the most part, they’re designed to be binged. They start at full speed and they don’t slow down to keep driving you to the finale. 

Do I think the procedural is ever going to go away? No. As much talk as there is about dropping the cop drama from TV all together, I think audiences still love a good mystery series. And you can’t just think of procedurals as cop dramas either - a procedural also covers most if not all sitcoms. New Girl, Letterkenny, Parks and Rec, Superstore - these all have a premise that doesn't change from week to week. They may make tiny shifts away from what they set up in the pilot, but by and large, you know what you’re getting into any time you turn on an episode. I think we as an audience still like that kind of familiarity. We may be seeing a bigger swing towards more serialized content, but that doesn't mean that the procedural is dead and gone. 

So that’s what we’ve got for Supernatural - two dudes, driving around in a car full of spears and hand guns, killing bad guys. Some day, they may even find that father that’s missing. What could possibly go wrong? A lot. Stay tuned. 

#Supernatural #Supernatural Season 1 #Supernatural Rewatch #Sam #Dean #Winchester #Pilot #Wendigo #Phantom Traveler #Television #History of television #Dead in the Water #Jensen Ackles #jared padalecki

[talldarkandroguesome]

14th of First Seed, Sundas

I finally received word back from Chancellor of Precedent concerning the official acceptance of Kuna into the House. 

Of course I made my way down to the office immediately, arriving just behind the messenger announcing my eminent arrival.

The Chancellor had me take a seat as his assistants brought forth some very old volumes of precedents from the first era.

It was very exciting to see that there was a record of the official acceptance of a half-Altmer son into House Hlaalu. In their case, there was only one heir to the family line who had been quite sickly, so they had allowed it in order to ensure that the bloodline did not die out.

I asked if, since my son was not in poor health what it would mean for our chances of getting things passed.

The Chancellor explained that since I had no other siblings and that Uncle Urnel had no heirs, unless the Council would allow the re-admittance of Aunt Vivyne’s family, my line was the last one acceptable for the continuation of the Grandmaster’s bloodline. Therefore, we would certainly be granted our Litterae Patentes so long as uncle Urnel approved. The House Council could, of course, contest the decision, but given that I have only one heir and that the bloodline would otherwise end there, the chances of objection were fairly slim, given that none of the other Councilmer were closely related enough to try and get themselves placed upon the throne as Grandmaster.

After going over the next steps and all the forms, I agreed I would like to proceed. Since I had already spoken with Mother, I knew that she would provide sponsorship of the move to begin the process.

So we filled out the necessary documentation and the Chancellor and I both provided our official stamps and the assistants took them directly to be filed. 

Soon my daughter will be a part of this House. And that is something that I am so proud of.

I also asked the Chancellor about filing the adoption of Cariel as well. I said I was not seeking to have her added as a potential heir, but rather, simply to have her recognized as my child within the family registry.

That paperwork was also drawn up and filed.

I spent the better part of the day working on the process before getting in the carriage to return.

Unsurprisingly, someone tried to shoot me through the window of the carriage. The magickal barriers placed around the carriage prevented it, but it did make a spectacular flash of light. As I turned to the light, I saw it flashed out into the direction from whence the attack came. Two of the Ordinators in the procession steered their guar off towards the direction of the attack, even as we continued down the road and towards the manor.

When I arrived home to announce to everyone that things were going well, I found Nabine was not yet returned. Mother was there, with the girls and so we had a nice long talk about how Kuna was now officially in the process of becoming an heir to the throne. Cariel seemed a little disappointed that she would not be following in her sister’s footsteps. I explained that while she would not be eligable to become the Grandmaster, I was still having her added as an official member to the House by way of being my daughter.

I could see Mother bristling with words she wished to speak, but I told her in Chimeris to leave it be and let me take care of it as time grew. She, to her credit, said she would allow it.

I explained to Cariel that I saw her as every bit as much of the family as Kuna. That I loved her and would always think of her as my own daughter and treat her in the same manner.

It is difficult to know how much she truly understood. I know she must see herself as being different. I assured her that, since she did not have to worry about becoming Grandmaster, it meant she would not have to sit through quite so many long lessons about how to behave or have to memorize the long passages of ancient rites. She would even be free from some of the rules and regulations and could play a lot more as a result. I tried to point out every benefit to not having to join the line of succession.

By the end she seemed in rather a good mood and I made sure that we had treats served to both girls.

Mother told me she would accept the sponsorship and would even agree to take the lead on Kuna’s education towards that end. I thanked her, knowing that there was much to be done and the Council to still be convinced. With Mother’s agreement, however, I can only imagine that many will be swayed.

Mother also says that she will stop by uncle Urnel’s tonight and speak with him about all that is going on. And that in the next day or two everything will be put to a vote before the Council and the Litterae Patentes signed. Kuna would be officially granted the title and a brief ceremony would be held when everything was completed.

By the time Nabine returned, a more than a little inebriated, everything was well on its way.

I was surprized to find that Nabine was not happy about my wanting to adopt Cariel officially. I told her that I wanted the House to see Cariel as equally deserving of everything as her sister.

Nabine argued that I was not her father and that it was not my place to insist that I take that title.

I apologized and asked her if she would like for me to have the adoption paperwork rescinded.

That seemed only to set her off more. 

I realized that something else must be bothering her and so I waited for her to get out her frustrations and then asked her if something had happened or if there was something more going on.

She started to get angry again, saying I was patronizing her.

Knowing from past arguments how this goes, I used my birthgift to get her to relax and to tell me what was really bothering her, because I loved her and I wanted to do my best by her.

She told me she hated when I used my birthgift on her, but explained that she was unhappy with life in Mournhold. The constant threats, the having to sneak around all the time, the nasty looks people gave her. It made her feel awful. Worst of all, she had to watch what she did more closely, she had little outlet for her anger, and the one thing that would make it better, spending time with her family, she was denied under the current circumstances.

I wrapped her in my arms and told her I was sorry that things were so difficult. That I hated that it made her unhappy.

She said that she missed just being able to spend the day hunting with her girls or hanging out at a bar without feeling eyes on her at all times.

So I agreed that as soon as the business with Urtisa was concluded, the girls were accepted, and enough time had passed to keep us from suspicion, that I would take her and we would travel with the girls. We could spend some time back in Grahtwood and then travel to Elsweyr. We would stay with my husband and have all of our families together in one place. And if she was unhappy there, that we could do somewhere else. Someplace she wanted to go in order to feel happy. If it was Valenwood or Skyrim or anywhere else on Tamriel, I would go with her to the best of my ability.

It was then that I realized that she was worried. Worried about her life and her girls’, but also about being left again. Nabine said that considering what she had seen happen, she just was not sure what to expect. Everything was so uncertain, but not in the fun way. With so many responsibilities, with obligations pulling us in so many directions, she was scared. Even if we killed Urtisa, even if the House accepted everything and actually allowed us to travel, what new impediments would stand in the way? There was so much that she did not feel as though she could see a path forward for us. And she did not desire to be chained to a House that would keep her from doing as she pleased. Even more, she worried what would happen to Kuna or Cariel and if the House tried to take them away from her somehow.

How foolish I have been not to have seen that, even with her wanting much of this, there would be fears, too. She is a citizen of a state with which ours is a war. She has heard about the way my son and I have both been raised in this House. Of course there would be worries there, fears of what is to come.

I kissed her and told her that I shared much of those same fears. That it hurt to think that, given everything, we might be separated again. And yet, I was willing to do what needed to be done so that we had the greatest chance at success.

Nabine grabbed my shoulders in a grip so tight, it left bruises. She told me that, no matter what, I was to promise her that her girls would never be taken from her by the House. I promised her that if I had to lose my life time and again, I would see to it that the House would not ever keep her from the girls.

With that, Nabine told me to carry her to bed and get her comfortable and massage her feet.

I laughed, happy to see she was recovering herself once more and lifted her in my arms and set her gently onto the bed before going to get the oils.

Even from the other room, I could hear her softly crying and so I took a little extra time to allow her not to be embarrassed. I know how much she hates having anyone, even me, see her cry. I understand how much she hates letting her vulnerability show.

I apologized that I had had trouble finding the oils she wanted, and was happy to hear her give me a small scolding, even with her voice wavering slightly.

After I had done my best to pamper her, we got in bed and I held her until she fell asleep.

I could not rest. My mind ruminated on the fears she had, the hurt that I had brought upon her. I could have cried myself. And yet, I managed to distract myself long enough to bolster my own emotions.

As Nabine sleeps on peacefully, I cannot help but wonder what is truly to come.

She and her girls are both in danger as the result of coming here. I have done this to them.

Worst of all, the downside of not being entirely mortal now, is knowing that I will have to watch them all die. All of those who I care about. I know it will be a long time for the mer in my life. We have long life spans, after all.

But what of Qau-dar, Little Khes, the quadruplets? The lives of Khajiit are much shorter.

And after that, what then? See Nabine pass? Kuna? Cariel? Sildras?

Surely they will have children, some of them.

And I will grow to love them as well. And then I shall watch as they grow old and pass. If I am lucky, of course. There is every chance that the dangers of the world may see themselves stealing those lives early.

Is this what the guardian spirits face?

No, it is not the same. They do not have the ability to interfere. They can only listen or observe. I will be able to interfere.

Perhaps that is the price of what I have done. A price I gladly will pay. I shall become the guardian of my line.

There are other mortals who have found themselves living well beyond normal means. Divayth Fyr comes to mind. Though he has quite the reputation for serving only his own pursuits and not those of others these days.

Will I, similarly, become jaded and cold as the centuries turn to millennia? I can only hope that I am able to remain the same mer. That my personality remains as it is.

Dawn will some soon, I should try to rest. Tomorrow will be busy.

#ESO #TES #RP #Dunmer #Elder Scrolls Online #The Elder Scrolls

[gaamagirl565]

MotH S2 Finale

Matters of the heart Season 2 episode 15 Fanning the flames {OPENING CREDITS} {open to Isaiah and Benny being led into the hideout with their hands bound; behind them, Gaia is being pulled in with a muzzle around her snout; Isaiah looks tiredly around at the hideouts stone walls before coming to a large wooden door; once it’s opened a cult member kicks him from behind} Cult member 1: Get moving kid! {Isaiah glares at them but does as told and walks into the large tactical room; Larkspur turns around and faces them} Larkspur: What is this!? Vergus! Vergus: Forgive me mistress. we did obtain the supplies we set out to collect but we also found some other points of interest. {Larkspur walks up to them and bends over to meet Isaiah face to face} Larkspur:  I'm surprised you survived... and judging from your deteriorated state I'm guessing you still have the power, yes? {Isaiah spits at her} Larkspur: Insolent little-! {She smacks him to the side; Isaiah harshly hits the ground} Isaiah: AUGH! Benny: Isaiah!! Larkspur:  and who is this one? Vergus:  we don't know she appears to have been traveling with the child. but she's quite strong for a little girl.  she wasn't easy to capture. {Cult member 2 holds up his bitten hand} Cult member 2:  really not easy… Larkspur: whatever the cost it was worth it. good job you three. we finally have the upper hand. we tried to do this peacefully but you people of Corona love making things so very difficult.  you just had to ruin things, didn't you? Isaiah: you're the only one ruining things… Larkspur:  do you want another crack to the face?... I thought not.  I have spent the last few weeks trying to figure out how to best your kingdom once again.  and now I think I finally have an idea.  your father has always been a thorn in my side.  but now I have you. Isaiah: in case you haven't noticed…. I'm not exactly in the best state right now... how can I possibly be of any use? Larkspur:  see that's the best part you don't have to do anything.  you said so yourself you're too weak to do anything. meaning I can do whatever I want to you and you can't fight back for the life of you.  {Larkspur looks up at the Vergus} Larkspur:  so here's my plan. Vergus,  you stay here with a few members and keep an eye on the boy and the Vessel.  meanwhile I'm going to take a small group and go to Corona.  I think it's about high time I invited Varian to a little soiree!  but this isn't just going to be any little shindig.  for what he's done to us that Alchemist deserves to burn.  will let him see his precious Boy again and will even remove the power from him. Vergus: Mistress? Larkspur:   however once the main event is done how about we play a little party game. Benny: p-party game? Larkspur:  that's right sweetheart a fun little party game.  The Alchemist will have his son back free of any power. and we will have the moonstone shard.  However the ending to this game will turn in our favor.  once we have The Shard in our clutches why don't we play a little game of family Massacre? Isaiah: *gasp* Larkspur:  well I never said it'd be fun for you... take them to the cells. and make sure they’re locked good and tight. Vergus: Yes mistress. {They start dragging Isaiah to the cells; once there the throw Isaiah, Benny, and Gaia into different cells; Isaiah lands harshly in the cell next to Cassandra; Cassandra gasps and runs to the side of her cell} Cassandra: Isaiah!  how on Earth are you here!? {Isaiah lies still groaning slightly} Benny:  those bad guys captured us and took us here… Cassandra:  he doesn't look good... it's becoming too much for him. Benny: what is? Cassandra:  he doesn't have much left... look, little girl… Benny: Benny! Cassandra:  sorry... Benny... Isaiah is very sick and the fact that he's here means that the bad people that brought you here are planning something really bad. Benny:  can we stop them? {Cassandra looks down at Isaiah and back at benny} Cassandra:  I don't know.. I really don't. {Cut to Zapada resting in a chair in the parlor with baby Sterling in her arms and Rapunzel at her side} Rapunzel: Ohhhh! He’s so cute! Zapada: Yes he was born a bit sooner than I thought he'd be... but the village physician says that he's healthy so I suppose it's all right. Rapunzel:   you just have to remember to keep him warm especially with fall just getting here. early birds like this one are prone to getting sick. Yes, you are! Yes, you are! {Rapunzel boops Sterling’s nose; off to the side of the room Varian and Eugene watch them} Eugene:  I’ll hand it to you he's a cute little guy. Varian: I'm just happy that they're both okay.  speaking of that I know this is a tender moment but I think we should focus on what our plan is now that we have the hideouts location. Eugene:  you're right.  we need to make a plan. we shouldn't just be running headfirst into a battle. Varian:  yeah about that… Eugene: that's exactly what you were going to do isn't it? Varian:  originally yes... I'll admit I got a bit overzealous… Eugene:  look I know what they did to your family is terrible but we have to keep our heads if we run in there right now with absolutely no plan we’ll be walking right into their hands. Varian: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to apologize if I've come off as... you know… {Eugene looks downtrodden and pulls him out into the hall} Varian: Eugene? Eugene: I should have said this before... I'm sorry too. Varian: for what? Eugene:  Rapunzel and I came up with a plan to meet the cult on the North Shore cliffs.  we came up with the plan to Ambush them.  I promised I'd always protect the kid.  I know that... no amount of apologies could ever replace what you and Zapada have lost but- {Varian pulls him into a hug} Varian: Eugene none of this was your fault. you were doing what you thought was right as king and captain of the Guard.  I am always going to miss my son. that is never going to change but I'm not going to let you sit here and blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. I've been down that road. It’s not fun. {Eugene smiles at him before hearing the main door open; he looks up and his face contorts in horror; Varian whips around to see Larkspur entering} Larkspur: What a touching little moment that I just walked in on. sorry to spoil it. You two Go. {Two cult members shove past Varian and Eugene into the parlor: Zapada screams as she and Rapunzel have swords put against their throats} Varian: NO! {Eugene unsheathes his sword; Noremoth comes running down the stairs} Larkspur: Norie! Noremoth: Larkspur? Larkspur:  I'm so happy to see that you're okay! {She goes to hug him but he moves away from her} Larkspur: aww are we still sour about the Battle? Noremoth: you left me behind to die of course I'm still sour! I will never not be sour! Varian: What are you doing here and what do you want!? Larkspur:  so rude. I came all this way just to see you.  I have a little gift. {Noremoth narrows his eyes} Larkspur:  however you see this gift is quite tedious to carry around so if you wouldn't mind coming back to my place to receive it. it would be a huge help. Varian: We’ll never go anywhere with you!  for all we know we could be walking straight into a trap! Larkspur:  I thought you might say that. {Larkspur snaps her fingers and a cult member rips Sterling from Zapada’s arms} Zapada: NO! Rapunzel: PUT HIM DOWN! Varian: DON’T HURT HIM! Noremoth: Larkspur that is enough! Return the child to it’s mother immediately! Larkspur: Ah ah ah!  I think you forget who has the upper hand here.  with one word my men here could dispose of the two women and the little baby. I don't think you have a choice but to listen to my demands. {Varian looks at Eugene} Eugene: what do you want? Larkspur:  just as I said I want to take Varian and his family back to my place so that they can see the little gift I prepared for them. however you and the queen will stay here. and if I suspect anybody of following us just the slightest little hint and I will destroy all of them.  do I make myself clear your majesty? Varian: Trust me he understands.  we’ll do as you say. Eugene: Varian! Varian:  Eugene we do not have a choice. we'll be fine. Noremoth:  I request that I come along as well. Larkspur:  oh does little Norie what to re-join our ranks? Noremoth: don't put words in my mouth.I'm coming along to make sure that you don't get ahead of yourself. Larkspur:  excuse me? Noremoth:  these people have done more for me in 2 weeks then you have done for me my entire time in your little cult. Larkspur:  and you honestly think you could defeat all of us? Noremoth:  I'd go down trying at least. Larkspur:  find then you can come along but we're doing things my way… {She snaps her fingers and cult member cuffs him} Varian: noremoth! Noremoth:  you are just not a nice lady! what did I ever see in you!? Larkspur: come on let's get moving. Varian:  wait! Zapada just had a baby... she can't walk very far. she needs to rest. if you want all of us to arrive there alive you'll give her one of the horses {Larkspur glares him down but smirks} Larkspur: Alright...Prepare a horse. Noremoth:  no tying her to the horse, Larkspur! Larkspur:...killjoy...finneee... {The cult member returns Sterling to Zapada and she holds him tightly crying; Varian rushes over and picks her up bridal style and follows the cult outside} Zapada: Varian? Varian:  we're going to be okay... I promise. {Cut back to the cells at the hideout; Isaiah coughs and wheezes before rolling over} Cassandra:  he's getting worse… Benny: what was your first hint?  the coughing, the fever,  or the relentless groaning? Cassandra:  all right this isn't a time for sass little girl. Benny:  sorry but we have to do something!  at this rate he's going to die. {Isaiah opens his eyes to see Cassandra reaching through the bars to stroke his hair; he gasps before coughing and backing away} Isaiah: Miss...Cass? Cassandra:  Hey kid... nice to see you again. Isaiah: How long have I been out? Cassandra:  a few hours maybe? it's hard to tell time in here. Isaiah:  what's happening to me? Cassandra: Zhan tiri’s power... it's becoming too much for you to handle. your body is giving out on you. Isaiah:  I have to find... a way out of here… {He tries to get up and move toward the cell door} Cassandra: there is no way you are going anywhere in that state. Isaiah: that's what you think...  Benny are you okay to move? Benny: mmhmm! Isaiah:  okay good... I'm going to try and find something to pick the lock and then- augh! {He coughs up more black liquid and it runs down his chin; his new claw-like nails scratch at the stone floor leaving marks} Cassandra:  don't push yourself, kid! { Isaiah glares up at her with a blackened mouth} Isaiah:  I don't take orders from you… {The door to the room opens and Vergus walks in} Vergus:  are we having fun? getting along okay? Cassandra:  if you’ve just come to patronize us get out… Vergus: cranky today, sweet vessel? Cassandra:  call me that again and see what happens! Vergus: oooh!  we are feisty today!  anyway I'm not here for either of you. I'm here for this one. {Turns and looks at benny} Isaiah: Benny! {Benny gets in a defense position} Vergus: HA!  isn't that cute? This tiny tot actually thinks she can fight me. that's just adorable. but I'm not here for that either I'm actually here to offer you a proposition. Benny:  what's a..propo- Cassandra: a proposition... he's making you an offer of some sort. Benny: What do you want? Vergus:  well most of our group are older people.  adults who have nothing left to lose.  that's why they join us. Society has treated them wrongly for many years.  We’re just evening the playing field. Cassandra: get to the point, Vergus! Vergus:  my point is you've had it quite rough. I can tell. those Rags you're wearing,  your small frame. you haven't had a good meal in ages have you. probably haven't slept in a nice bed and quite a while.  we have all of those here. and we'd protect you. Benny:  what are you saying? {Vergus unlocks the cell door and holds it open} Vergus:  join us. we can teach you all the tricks.  make sure you grow up right. you'll be the first of a new generation in a new Society.  you'll have a family. {Benny looks up at him and he smirks. She looks over at Isaiah and walks over to the open door} Isaiah: No...benny.. {Benny places a hand on the cell door bars; she contemplates for a minute before glancing up at Vergus with rage; she slams the door closed on his fingers with her inside the cell} Vergus: AAAAUUUUGGHHHH!!! Benny: I'd rather be with Isaiah then be big old ugly meanie like you! {Vergus clutches his broken and bruised fingers} Vergus: URRGHH! ROT IN HERE FOR ALL I CARE! {He storms out; Benny’s legs give out} Isaiah: Benny... are you okay? Benny:...I-I’m okay… Cassandra:  kid... you just did what I wish I could have done a million times over. I like your spunk. {cut to Varian walking with the group; Noremoth walks up next to him} Noremoth: When we get there try not to be yourself. Varian: what? Noremoth:  you like to be snarky... especially when you're in battle. Varian: what do you want me to do? roll over like a dog? Noremoth:... just this once? Varian: …I can't believe this. Noremoth:  if not for me do it for your family. Larkspur isn't like me. she doesn't have a code or anything when it comes to fighting. she kills without Mercy. you should already know that. Varian:  trust me... that I already know. {They reach the hide out entrance; a large stone door is carved into the side of the mountain; Larkspur knocks in a rhythm and it opens} Larkspur:  hurry up. let's not diddle daddle. Opps! sorry did that bring back some, I know the word “dad” was in that word. Varian: son of a- {Noremoth holds him back; Larkspur walks in giggling} Varian:  you carved your hideout into the mountain? Larkspur:  actually know these tunnels were already here. this used to be a mine.  we just added some personality.  some blood here, a skull over there... you know to really breathe life into the place. {A skeleton with his skull off to the side slumps in the corner of the hall; Zapada winces and holds onto Sterling} Larkspur: What? oh him? yes obtaining this place was a bit tedious.  the original owner of the mine was still here. Luckily Norie took care of that as you can see. {Noremoth bites his lip; Larkspur throws open the doors to the main commons room; all of the cult looks over in shock; Larkspur steps up on a small stone stage} Larkspur:  gather around everyone!  there's a lot of fun to be had today! {Varian helps zapada off the horse} Larkspur:  right.  you there you can take the horse back to the Stables.  and where is Vergus? Cult member:  he was seriously injured earlier we were forced to amputate some of his fingers. Larkspur:  oh for the love of... you leave them alone for 5 minutes.  you know what I'm talking about Varian, haha! {Varian growls} Larkspur:  anyway could somebody please go to the cells and take everyone out. I want you to bring them here. Cult member: Yes, mistress! {They run out the door} Varian:  are you going to tell us what we're here for now? Larkspur:   Patience Varian!  you can't just jump right into the main event! you have the moonstone Shard yes? {Varian glares at her} Larkspur:  I'll take that as a yes.  how's about we make a deal? Zapada: a deal? Larkspur:  yes... an exchange of sorts!  I have something you want and you have something I want! Varian: knowing you whatever you have is certainly not something I want. Larkspur:  oh I beg to differ!  you can come in now! don't leave us waiting! {The cult member walks in with Cassandra and Benny whilst  practically dragging Isaiah;  Varian’s eyes widen and his pupils dilate} Isaiah: D-dad? Varian: IF THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE- Larkspur:  not at all!  aren't you happy to see him? I assure you he's real. Isaiah: DADDY! {Varian tears up and sobs; he goes to run to him but is held back by various cult members} Varian: LET ME GO! Noremoth: Larkspur what is your game here!? Larkspur: you see I sent some people to regain some supplies from the damage you did to us those weeks ago.  and what do they find instead but your precious little boy.  being the Good Samaritan I am I brought him back here and treated him as an honored guest.  he got the nicest cell! Zapada: Copilul meu! Larkspur: well, I did find your son but he seems to be in Dire Straits. seems like the magic is finally working its power. his body can only hold out for so long. if you give me the moonstone Shard I'll be more than happy to remove his affliction and let you go on your way. what do you say? I'm being more than generous. { Varian looks around at everyone and then at his son; with a sigh, he removes the vial with the shard} Larkspur:  very good Alchemist!  and just to make sure things stay even. Noremoth!  I want you to bring me the shard and someone else can bring me the child.  no wrong moves here. don't take advantage of my good nature. {noremoth walks over to Varian} Noremoth:  give me The Shard... Varian she's not kidding she will slit Isaiah's throat in front of you if she suspects anything.you have one shot to actually get your son back here don't blow it. Varian: how can I be sure that's really Isaiah? Larkspur:  excuse me? {Isaiah looks tiredly over at his father} Varian:  I want to believe that is my son. I really do.  I won't deny that this is a dream come true for me right now. but I saw him die. Larkspur:  no. you saw him fall off a cliff. my only guess is that the power triggered itself like a defense mechanism. afraid that its host was going to perish. that's the only reason your boy survived.  but since you're so insistent. {She snaps her fingers; a cult member makes a small cut on Isaiah’s arm} Isaiah: AHH! Varian: STOP! PLEASE! OKAY! Larkspur:  see? he's real! he bleeds! Varian:.. I... I'm sorry buddy. {Varian hands over the vial to Noremoth; Isaiah is dragged up on stage; Noremoth brings over the shard and takes it out of the vial} Noremoth: you have the Blasted shard. now... do what you promised. {Larkspur takes out the vial of potion and roughly grips Isaiah’s mouth, forcing it open} Isaiah: ah! {she pours the liquid into his mouth and shoves him to the ground; Isaiah swallows the iron tasting concoction; his eyes glow bright green and pink and crackles of magic appear around him} Benny: ‘Saiah!! {He claws at his chest coughing and hacking; Varian pulls Zapada and Sterling close; Larkspur sits looking at her nails; Isaiah coughs up a black substance onto the ground and gasps for air} Larkspur: There! all better?  his Affliction has been removed. {Isaiah shakily gets up} Varian: Isaiah? Isaiah: Dad? DADDY! {Isaiah jumps off the stage and runs into his family’s arms: sobbing all the while} Isaiah: Dad! I mi-missed you so much! Varian: My boy...you’re really here…my little boy. {he cups his sons face and wipes his tears away} Zapada: oh Copilul meu! I thought you gone! Isaiah: I’m here Zapada... {Noremoth and Cassandra smile warmly} Larkspur: aw What a touching family reunion!  now what do you say? Varian:... thank you… Larkspur:  oh trust me Varian... you're going to wish you hadn't thanked to me. {Noremoth notices her pull a sword from the stand behind her; Noremoth gasps and shoves her over} Noremoth: IT’S A TRAP! {larkspur gets up} Larkspur: KILL THE- AH! {Larkspur turned around to see Benny holding rocks as she has just thrown one at her} Larkspur: Little brat! Noremoth: VARIAN! {He tosses a sword at him; Varian catches it; Cassandra looks up at the chandelier in the room and then back at Benny} Cassandra: how many of those rocks do you have? Benny: umm... like maybe six? Cassandra: good enough! { she grabs Benny and throws her up to the chandelier} Benny: WHOA! Hehe! Lets do that again! Cassandra: start throwing the rocks at everyone! {Cassandra Goes to run into battle but her own power starts taking her over} Cassandra: augh! Varian: Cassandra! {Isaiah grabs more rocks and helps benny by chuck stones at the cult members; he hits one in the head and watches them drop} Isaiah: bullseye! {Cut to Noremoth fighting Larkspur} Larkspur: So should I take this as your official resignation from our little group? Noremoth:  what do you think!? {She blocks and parries him} Larkspur: you want to know what I think!?  I think your roast duck was always dry! Noremoth:.... oh now that's just hurtful! {Varian protects Zapada the best he can by fending off multiple attacks} Zapada: Varian! Let me do something! Varian: like what!? Zapada; ummmm {she looks around and gets an idea} Zapada:  grab my waist! {Varian blushes} Zapada:  oh stop it and just do it! {He does so} Varian: Okay I have your waist and now what!? Zapada: spin. Varian: what? Zapada: spin! { he spins and Zapada kicks her legs out kicking the ones surrounding them in the face} Zapada:  I learned that one from the princess. and all with a newborn in my arms. {Sterling giggles; Cut to Benny on the Chandelier; she hears cracking and looks up to see the chandelier getting ready to fall} Benny: oh that's not good! {she jumps just as it starts falling} Benny: AHHH- OOF! {Isaiah catches her} Benny: ‘SAIAH! Isaiah: you know I've heard of taking the quick way down but that was ridiculous. Noremoth: AUGHHH! {Everyone turns to look just as Cassandra has run Noremoth through with a sword; Noremoth coughs and sputters before falling to his knees} Varian: NOREMOTH! Larkspur: well... this is what happens when you betray the people closest to you.  and without further ado! {she forces the Moonstone Shard into Cassandra's chest; A bright light shines it envelops her;  Cassandra screams in response;   what was once just a shard starts reforming into a corrupt Stone; Sandra's eyes flickering color as she starts losing her own conscience} Larkspur: HAHAHA! YES! FINALLY! { some of the cult members back away and even run} Isaiah: Dad! what do we do!? { Varian looks on in horror at what he's witnessing;  he rushes over and swings Noremoth’s arm over his shoulder} Varian: RUN! { the walls of The Hideout start cracking and rocks begin falling from the ceiling as Zhan tiri’s power takes over Cassandra’s mind; her eyes turn a bright purple; Isaiah grabs Benny and runs out with his family just as the entrance to the mine collapses; they all look back at the Fallen rocks that are now blocking what was the entrance to the mine} Zapada: is everyone all right? Isaiah:Yeah... I think I am. Benny are you okay? Benny: i’m okay… Isaiah: What about Noremoth? {Varian takes out an alchemy sphere and releases it over Noremoths wound  cauterizing it} Noremoth: NNGH! Varian:  it's all I can do for right now... it'll stop the bleeding at least. he's going to have to see the doctor in Corona. {Isaiah hugs them both} Isaiah: I missed you guys so much! Varian: we missed you too... more than you'll ever. I'm so happy to see that you're alive. how did you survive? Isaiah:  I don't know! I don't remember much. I remember falling into the water but then one of my attacks started happening. then I remember waking up on a ship and then. they took me to the dark Kingdom! I got to see the dark Kingdom dad!  oh by the way some really furry Hunter guy and the captain that saved me says hi. {Varian laughs} Varian: hi! Ahaha! Isaiah: By the way I was wanting to ask but we were in the middle of a battle so I didn't think it was the best time but.. who is this? {Isaiah looks at Sterling and both Varian and Zapada smile} Zapada: Copilul meu... meet your little brother, Sterling. Isaiah: sterling!? I have a little brother and you used my name!? {Sterling giggles and smiles} Isaiah: hi!  hi little guy! I promise I'm going to be the best big brother I could ever be! { Varian looks over at Benny who's standing in the background} Varian: Isaiah? who is that? Isaiah: oh! Benny c’mere!  Dad this is Verbena or benny!  she helped me when I was in the dark Kingdom!  I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for her! Benny: hi… Zapada: Where are your parents? surely they're worried sick! Isaiah: Benny is an orphan… {Zapada gasps and looks over at Varian; Varians face sofens} Varian: How old are you Benny? Benny: seven… Varian:  7 years old and surviving on your own? you shouldn't be forced to do that.  tell you what. we have an extra room in the house. it seems like she is grown quite fond of you and you seemed quite fond of him. if you want you could always join our- {Benny tackles him} Varian: oof! haha! I'll take that as a yes! Benny: I finally have a mama and Daddy again!  and I gets siblings!? YES! {The all hug each other; fade to the  entrance of old Corona;  Rapunzel walks up to  Lily, Akina, and Nathaniel Rapunzel: Anything yet? Akina: Nothing ye- OH WAIT! {Everyone gets up; off in the distance Varian and family ride in on horseback} Akina:  they're here! it looks like they returned safely! and- wait… Adira:  what is it small one? Akina: it can't be… all: WHAT!? Akina: it's Isaiah... he's with them. Eugene: what!? {he grabs the eyeglass from her and looks through it; Eugene chokes up and laughs} Eugene:  she's not kidding. he's alive! he's there with them! {Lily stands up} Lily: ISAIAHHH! {Isaiah singles his horse to gallop and the rest of the family follows with everybody else running up to the horses as well;  once they reach each other Isaiah jumps off of the horse and tackles Lily to the ground with is two other friends joining in} Lily: You’re alive! You’re really here! {She sobs into him} Isaiah: yeah I'm really here.   and I have something that I've been wanting to do since I left! Lily: wha-!? {Isaiah kisses her} Eugene: He-what..H-he's kissing my daughter. he's kissing my girl! hold up- wait- no. he is kissing Lily! Lance: Eugene let them have this. {Isaiah pulls away} Lily:  okay I can officially say I am a happy princess… {Isaiah hugs all of his friends;  awesome the distance at the entrance of the mine the rocks blocking it shift} {END CREDITS}

#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel’s tangled adventure #Rapunzel #TTS #RTA #tts oc #rta oc #matters of the heart #MotH #Varian #Isaiah #Eugene Fitzherbert #Noremoth #Zapada

[eldritchsurveys]

834.

How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? >> Eh. As long as nothing unpredictable happens, I’m mostly fine... but I’ve also had at least two meltdowns in the past week, so “mostly fine” is obviously a cover-up of some sort. I don’t really know what to do about it, so I am kind of just holding my breath through every day, hoping I don’t lose it over something trivial.

Are you currently in quarantine? >> No, the stay-at-home order has been lifted. Still not really going anywhere, though.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? >> We didn’t this past weekend, which I don’t feel great about, but I ordered a bandana yesterday so I’ll hopefully have it before this coming weekend.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? >> Well, they say they require it, but we were definitely not the only people in stores without masks on. So I don’t know what the deal is with that. I think maybe stores are weighing how much it’s worth having to deal with irate customers who can’t stand being turned away for not complying with the mask rule (Michigan is, after all, the state where armed protesters stormed the capitol building to harass the governor for extending the stay-at-home order...). Regardless, now that I will actually have a face covering next time, I’m going to use it.

Do you know anyone who's had the coronavirus? >> No.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? >> I ate part of a lemon coconut cookie.

Was it a nice day out today? >> It’s pretty nice, yeah.

Is the weather nice where you live usually? >> Usually? I wouldn’t say that. Winter lingers around here for a long time, and winter does not usually bring pleasant weather (in my opinion). Also, we get a lot of wacky lake-effect weather.

What was the last thing you ordered online? >> A bandana. It has a Baphomet on it, heh.

Are you expecting a package right now? >> Well, yeah, the bandana. Should be here Thursday or Friday (it’d better be, considering I paid extra for quicker shipping).

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? >> I haven’t, but Sparrow’s ordered stuff from them. I think she likes everything she’s gotten (although she hasn’t gotten everything she’s ordered, which is annoying).

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? >> I am not, nor would I ever be, a youtuber.

What is one thing you hate about summer? >> Heat waves. I like warmth, but too hot is too hot.

Did you go outside today? >> Not yet.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? >> ---

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? >> I can’t recall being overcharged anywhere.

Is your room more often messy or clean? >> On the cleaner side than the messier side.

Who is someone you miss? >> ---

What is something you miss? >> ---

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? >> I feel like that pretty frequently, yeah. I’m either having no emotions or having a veritable perfect storm of them, and I’d really like to find a fucking balance at some point.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? >> I’ve mostly received misdiagnoses from doctors.

Have you ever been "diagnosed" with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn't that frustrating? >> Nah, I’ve not had that experience.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? >> ---

What was the name of your favorite roommate you've had? >> ---

Do you have a favorite book that you've read multiple times? >> Yeah, there are a few books I’ve read multiple times.

What's one book or book series that you've read multiple times? >> I’ve read Dreamcatcher by Stephen King at least twice.

Have you ever had an embarrassing bathroom accident? >> Yeah.

What was the name of the funniest kid you've ever babysat? >> ---

Do you enjoy babysitting? >> Never done it.

Do you have any big regrets? >> No.

Are there things about your past that bother you? >> I mean... I’m post-traumatic, lmao.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? >> That doesn’t really happen to me.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? >> I don’t post on facebook at all.

Do you think it's a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it's better to discuss serious topics in person? >> I think that a lot of misunderstanding happens on social media that could possibly be avoided or at least worked through with more efficiency in person. I do say possibly, because like, who knows, really. But there are many discussions I wouldn’t bother getting into on social media (especially where other people can see it and jump in with their two cents), that I might be more willing to discuss one-on-one with a person in a controlled environment. Which is why I hate that people don’t use IM/DM functions more often for working through sensitive topics (like “I have a problem with something you said in [x] post and I would like to work it out with you” or whatever), instead of turning it into a public fucking debate.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? >> Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? >> No, I got no credit for a class and had to repeat it.

What class in school did you hate the most? >> All of them lmao

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? >> Fuck no.

What's one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? >> ---

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? >> FUCK NO.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? >> I vastly prefer being an adult where I have at least some semblance of agency and control over my own life, instead of being subject to the whims of people who don’t actually care about what I want or need or feel but are mostly thinking about what they want out of me.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? >> I don’t recall having this thought, like, ever. I offer advice when someone’s asked for it and I feel like I have some to offer. I don’t give a fuck what my age is.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? >> No.

Do you enjoy bonfires? >> Yes.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? >> No.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? >> Nothing.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? >> Yep, front and back.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? >> I prefer the NIV for just regular reading, but ngl, the KJV has some turns of phrase that can be really poetic-sounding in certain verses.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? >> Literally neither. I just do what I want.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? >> No.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you've known whom this has happened to. >> I don’t know anyone like that, which is good, because that is definitely red-flag behaviour.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? >> ---

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? >> ---

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? >> Yes.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? >> Nope. Not a single one.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? >> Probably.

Are you a jerk? >> Probably.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? >> I assume they were the Nothing(tm) colour that is standard in apartment complexes.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn't let slip away? >> No.

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? >> No.

Who has hurt you the most? >> Sigh.

Have you been bullied? >> Yes.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? >> I would rather die.

Do you know anyone who's auditioned for American Idol? >> No, but I know someone who auditioned for X Factor, which is largely the same concept.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn't yet? >> No. I don’t think anyone should audition for those stupid ass shows.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? >> There is no time of day when that’s likely to happen. It depends more on my actual mental state than what time of day it is.

What's one way in which you've changed within the last ten years? >> Oh, you know, stuff.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? >> To me, it just... passes?

Who do you know who has died of cancer? >> No one.

Has there been cancer in your family? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? >> Yeah. For being suicidal, or for being self-injurious, or because people just plain thought it’d be a fun thing to do to me, I don’t fucking know.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? >> No.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? >> That... would be such a strange response to being angry at someone. For me, anyway. I don’t know, maybe it makes sense to other people. I stick to Old Reliable -- wanting to beat them to a pulp or something.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? >> I mean, probably.

Have you ever deleted a friend on facebook for making racist comments? >> No. Luckily, that’s never happened to me.

What was the last thing you ate? >> Veggie burger and chips.

What was the theme of your senior prom? >> Damned if I remember, that was like 15 years ago.

Did you go to prom? >> Yeah.

Have ever been engaged or married? >> Yeah.

Are you an aunt or uncle? >> Technically.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? >> No.

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? >> I mean, there are worse ways to live. At least I get to decide for myself what I do with my day.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? >> It was definitely worse. That’s not even something to question.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? >> I don’t think any of my mistakes qualify for such a dramatic adjective.

What's one need of yours that is currently not being met? >> ---

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? >> Not that kind of suffering, no -- I’ve been in that state, where most of my basic needs were not at all being met, and I’m very grateful to not have to live like that anymore. Unfortunately, living like that for extended periods of time tends to have lasting effects, which is [part of] what I’m dealing with right now.

Do you hate social injustice? >> Nah, I love it. It’s just great. It’s the best thing ever--

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? >> I’m in that strange limbo where I, as an individual, am poverty-class, but since I am part of a household where the other person works a relatively okay job for a living, I get the benefits of being working-class. We’re still low-income by modern urban standards, though. Anyway, I’m fine with that for the most part, but that’s also because I’m used to being literally penniless so anything is better than that.

Do you feel like you are being given what you deserve right now? >> What the fuck do I deserve? What does that even mean? No one owes me anything.

Life isn't fair. True or false? >> I mean, true, I guess.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? >> I don’t really think about life that way. It’s people who have the option to be fair or unfair (and who have the option to perceive of things as fair or unfair); life is just... life.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. >> I don’t know anyone like that.

Who do you go to when you're upset? >> Can Calah.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? >> I didn’t pray then and I don’t pray now, so... the same.

Do you pray a lot? >> No.

Do you frequently have back pain? >> No.

What's the worst side effect you've experienced for a medication? and what's the worst withdrawal effect you've experienced from a medicine? >> The last time I recall having side effects to medications is when I was being put on various psychiatric drugs as a teenager, but I don’t really remember any of the specifics except... being exhausted all the time (because I remember falling asleep in classes and being reprimanded for it like I’m doing it on fucking purpose).

Have you ever used an epi pen? >> No.

What's a name that you like but probably wouldn't use for one of your kids? >> ---

What's you name, and do you like it? >> Mordred. Of course I do.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names? >> ---

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? >> There’s that word deserve again. Anyway, yes, I’m sure someone values me well enough. Probably.

Who have you felt the most valued by? >> I guess Sparrow values me, or we wouldn’t be married. That’s how that works, right?

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? >> Yes.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? >> ---

Do you ever sleep outside? >> I’ve slept outside before, yes.

How many siblings do you have? >> ---

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? >> I was raised as the only child in the household. I was the youngest of my father’s children.

How many kids do you want to have? >> Zero, ideally.

Do you want to get married? >> It’s already been done.

Best date you've been on? >> ---

Dream date? >> ---

Ever kissed someone on New Year's? >> Yeah.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? >> Probably.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? >> Yep.

What brings you the most joy? >> Uh... hmm. Good question. I’ll get back to you on that. Someday.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? >> I don’t think I have any passions.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? >> Well, fortunately for everyone else, I don’t really have any dreams.

Who supports you in everything you do? >> Sparrow is pretty supportive when I bother to do stuff.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? >> ---

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? >> I think that if someone has a dream, then sure, they should try to see it through. But I also think that sometimes it just ain’t worth it. It’s up to the person to make that determination, though, not me. Personally, I don’t really know what it’s like to have a dream, so it’s not like I can relate or anything.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? >> I don’t think people want me to suffer or anything. I think that in general, people aren’t really thinking about me at all.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? >> I do. I wish I had the capacity to feel loved and supported.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 28)

Promises And Honesty

Here’s a pretty long chapter with a mix of conflict, smut and fluff. I hope you enjoy! Rated explicit, wink wink, ‘cause our man is injured and he deserves some lovin’. Also, I’ve included some HC’s about Arthur’s, *ahem*, romantic experience. These are just my own thoughts, feel free to have your own thoughts and take what I write in my story as just that, my story. I’m not saying this is canon :)

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

Micah and I headed back to camp after another drink, and it was dark by the time we returned. After the awkwardness passed at the Parlour House, Micah and I ended up having a pleasant evening. I found that he could be a likeable enough guy when he wasn’t attempting to flirt or suck up to me, he could even be quite entertaining. Still, two drinks were enough and I was ready to return, eager to surround myself with the company of the other gang members, who were decidedly more comfortable to be around.

Micah was loud as he swung down from his horse, pulling out the money clip and waving it around, singing my praises. It attracted the attention of Dutch, who asked what we’d been up to. I let Micah explain, remaining quiet as my eyes wandered over to Arthur’s tent. The canvas was pinned back so he wasn’t isolated, and he was sitting upright against the wagon and watching us, his journal open on his lap, pencil in his hand but no longer moving. He was looking at Micah, not seeming to notice my gaze on him, and the man in question distracted me with a hand on my shoulder.

“What’d I tell you, Dutch? She and I do well, paired up together. That was a good call of yours to send us out to that house together all those weeks ago,” Micah said, his fingers kneading and rubbing at my shoulder, far too comfortable there. I eased away a bit, until he got the hint and let go of me. That was one thing I could give him credit for; he tended not to push things further than I’d like.

“Sixty dollars is pretty darn good for a bag of broken glass, I must admit that’s probably some of the easiest money we’ve ever made,” Dutch replied, giving me a proud smile. “My dear, you have any more ideas where that came from?”

“I could probably think of some,” I said, “though, these kinds of things probably shouldn’t be done in the same town too often, in case some busy body catches wind.”

“Of course, you do what you think is best,” Dutch nodded, taking the money that Micah offered to him; the camp’s cut. He handed me my share too, and I slipped it away in my satchel before glancing over at Arthur again.

“Anyway, excuse me,” I dipped my head politely and went to excuse myself. A hand wrapped around my wrist, and I turned to see it was Micah. 

“Thank you, darlin’, for a very pleasant evening,” he told me, his tone dripping with his version of charm. I stalled for a moment, taken aback by it. 

“Oh, you’re welcome,” I murmured. 

“I’m welcome, am I?” He repeated, a sinuous, cheeky laugh following up his words. I retracted my arm and walked away, fast losing interest in whatever sort of innuendo he might be making. 

“Mr. Bell?” I heard Dutch questioning playfully. Micah laughed, secretive and somewhat suggestive. I frowned to myself, trying my damnedest to rise above it, something unpleasant crawling within me at the thought of the assumptions Dutch could possibly come to.

Why couldn’t Micah act like the half decent human being I’d seen glimpses of, all the time? Perhaps then, the rest of the gang might actually like him, considering I got the impression that most of them didn’t. 

I reached Arthur’s tent just as Miss Grimshaw did, she was carrying a bucket of water. 

“Here you go, Mr. Morgan, be careful it’s not too warm for you,” she said, leaving the bucket on his table before turning to undo the strings tying the canvas to the wagon, about to let it swing closed when she spotted me. 

“Thanks, Susan,” Arthur told her, his voice sounding tired and monotonous. 

“You have a visitor,” she said, shifting to show me to him. He was unbuttoning his union suit, and paused to wave me in. I entered, the canvas falling closed behind me as Susan left us alone in the privacy of the tent. 

I sat down on the chair by Arthur’s bed, helping him pull back his union suit so he wouldn’t have to strain and pull too hard on his injury. It was healing well, all things considered, but I knew that it still caused him a lot of pain and he wasn’t yet out of the woods. The more time went on, the less happy he seemed being cooped up, and I felt so much sympathy for him. 

He left the union suit hanging around his hips, scooting forwards on the bed to reach for the bucket of water, grunting a little at the use of his bad arm. I placed my hand on his chest and reached into the bucket for him, taking out the washcloth there, squeezing it out and bringing it to his body, scrubbing it gently over his chest. Arthur kept his eyes down towards the floor as I washed him. I didn’t want him to feel bad about being bathed like a child, so I tried to do it in a way that was affectionate, bordering on sensual so that he might enjoy it, rather than feel embarrassed.

“How’d it go with Micah?” He asked me, and my mind went to his offer in the Parlour House before it went to our job, making my hand still on his toned stomach. I carried on quickly, though, re-wetting the cloth and bringing it to his arm, and he held it out for me to give me better access. 

“You wanna talk about Micah whilst I’m doing my very best to be like them bath girls you mentioned?” I teased him. 

“I mentioned bath girls?” He questioned, head quickly turning to me, eyes filling with dread. 

“The night you turned up here. Ain’t surprised you don’t remember, you weren’t in a good way. All that whiskey, too,” I explained. Arthur kept staring at me and I met his eyes, chuckling. “What'chu look so nervous for?”

“I’m sorry if I said anything out of line,” he said ashamedly, eyes dropping to where my hands worked across his forearm.

“What? You didn’t.”

“I’ve only ever paid for one once, an’ that was out of curiosity. Never thought much to it, felt a little awkward if I’m being honest,” he told me quietly, “I don’t make a habit of it.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I laughed, dragging the cloth under the palm of his hand and kissing at his fingertips. “You made a joke, that’s all. We laughed about it.”

“Oh, well alright,” he murmured. I stared at his face for a moment before taking a breath and answering his question. 

“It went well, anyway. Got sixty dollars, and it turned out being pretty funny… we had people stepping into help us, the con artists." 

"Really?” He asked, lips curling up into something close to a smile. I nodded and he breathed a short laugh.

“Felt a little bad for a moment, but,” I trailed off, shrugging. 

“Ain’t nothing compared to what the rest of us do,” he murmured, going quiet for a moment before adding, “well, I’m glad it went well.”

“I figured it’d been a while since I brought in any money.”

“You’re alright, you do enough.”

“How’re you feeling, anyway?” I asked, moving onto his other arm; on his injured side. I avoided his dressing and carefully brushed the cloth over his skin. Arthur was silent for a few seconds.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?” I peered at his eyes, though he kept his gaze on my hands.

“I’m just… I don’t like having to just lie here,” he admitted. 

“I know, sweetheart, but you gotta get fit and healthy again. You ain’t gonna do that by pushing yourself.”

“I know. It ain’t so bad when you’re here, but,” he trailed off and sighed, and my hand froze on his bicep.

“I’m sorry for leaving you, earlier. It didn’t occur to me– I thought you were just fed up over not being able to get out yourself,” I apologised, and Arthur met my eyes, his widening a little.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I know I can’t keep you chained to my bedside this whole time,” he chuckled, “you gotta do what you gotta do. Don’t mind me.”

“I will mind you. I don’t like seeing you upset.”

Arthur shook his head and changed the subject. “Saw Micah touching you again, he ain’t getting ideas just ‘cause you’re working with him, is he?”

My eyes widened and I faltered, my heart beating it’s way into my throat. It was as if Arthur had read my mind and somehow knew something had happened. He frowned in concern at my expression, and I sighed and decided it was best to come clean, as keeping it to myself felt dirty. 

“I want to tell you something,” I began.

“Okay,” he sounded nervous. 

“Don’t be mad. Micah and I went to the Parlour House after, just to have a drink to celebrate a job well done,” I said, meeting his eyes. 

He was staring at me with parted lips, anxiety clear in his pretty eyes. 

My mouth went dry and I shifted the cloth to my other hand and began cleaning his back. “I’m only telling you this in the name of openness, and because it feels wrong to keep it from you when we're… you know.”

“Angel,” he exhaled, his head shaking minutely. I realised how it was all sounding and was quick to amend my clunky wording. 

“Arthur, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. Nothing happened,” I assured him and he relaxed a little, sighing out in mild relief. “But he did… offer.”

“He offered?” He repeated drily.

“Yes, he tried to persuade me to- to– well, you know what I’m talking about, don’t you? I told him no, obviously, and thankfully he didn’t push. But I wanted to tell you, Arthur, because I see that he likes to rile people up, twist things, and the last thing I wanted was for some rumour to start and for you to hear it, and–”

“I understand,” he nodded, cutting me off with a gruff tone. His jaw was tight and he stared daggers at the ground. “That son of a bitch’s lucky I’m injured, if I weren’t I’d be out there right now–”

“Arthur, it’s fine.”

“–knocking seven bells out'a him.”

“I don’t doubt it, that’s another reason why I’m telling you now instead of waiting around until something gets spread and you’re fit enough to do something about it. I don’t want you fighting him on my account, you get on poorly enough without me.”

“He’s a bag of shit, sweetheart, with or without you I’m sure at some point I’ll bust his face, whether he looks at me wrong or somethin’ worse,” he growled. I sighed and leaned close, pressing a kiss to his damp shoulder before rinsing the cloth, continuing to wash him. 

“It’s not worth it,” I told him. 

“Oh, it would be. Nothin’ would bring me greater pleasure,” he responded, and I caught his eye.

“Nothing?” I repeated, cocking a brow suggestively.

“I hate him so goddamn much,” he said through clenched teeth, missing my insinuation. His voice had darkened to that particular tone that always ran right through me and made my insides hum peculiarly. “It’s bad enough he’s kissing Dutch’s ass like he is, now he’s tryin'a get a piece of yours.”

“Arthur,” I breathed, shaking my head and letting out a surprised laugh at his choice of words. “I handled it.”

He looked at me, his brows arching unhappily. I kissed his cheek then brought the cloth back to his front, scrubbing it down the center of his torso, over his abs, right above where his union suit covered his more intimate parts. I felt him tense. 

“Don’t think about him no more, we’re alone right now. It’s just us,” I reminded him. He went quiet, watching me as I tugged at his union suit; he lifted his hips to allow me to pull it down his legs, leaving him naked. It was the first time I’d seen him completely nude, the first time I’d seen his manhood in decent light from the lantern.

I swallowed, heating up significantly, and began washing his thighs, bending to wash his calves, his feet. Moving up and repeating the action on his other leg. The tent had gone unnaturally quiet, like we were both trying to breathe silently. I pretended not to notice the way his body began to stir at my touch. I rinsed the cloth, biting down on my lip as I gingerly brought it between his legs.

“I could do that,” his words were breathy and half-hearted. I tried to be as appropriate as possible, but regardless he hardened further under the cloth in my hand. My heart pounded harder than I imagined it could, thinking about the gang being outside of the tent, completely ignorant to whatever we got up to in there.

“Arthur,” I whispered, turning my head but keeping it tilted down, not daring to meet his eyes. “You think if I was to… to do something for you, you’d be able to be discreet?”

I heard him swallow, then he shifted slightly on the bed. “You don’t have to do anything.”

“Would you be able to be quiet?” I rephrased, making myself look up to his eyes. He bit down on his lip, gnawing for a moment as his face reddened. 

“Angel, I lived out my teenage years living in camps just like this,” he started, his voice so very quiet, “I’m more practiced than I care to admit in being quiet.”

We shared a breathy laugh, faces lingering close to one another. I pressed forwards and kissed him, rubbing his growing erection with the warm, wet cloth a little more purposefully now. His breathing sped up, his body jerking, lips moving against mine hungrily. His arm reached for me, crossing his chest, twisting his shoulder and making his breath hitch with a shot of pain. I let go of the cloth momentarily to guide his arm back, breaking the kiss and looking him in the eye. 

“Don’t do nothin’, just enjoy this,” I told him and he nodded after a moment. 

I pressed against his chest, prompting him to lean back against the side of the wagon, and I picked up where I left off, my other hand roaming across his chest. He seemed to appreciate my hand’s exploration. Though, admittedly I was doing it more out of greed than to bring him any extra pleasure. Arthur’s body was incredible. Firm and built with muscle, marred by the occasional scar and oh so beautiful. I couldn’t not feel him all over, noting the way his chest hair felt under my palm, the way his muscles flexed when my hand moved over his abdomen, lower down. He was so attractive to me and I found myself enjoying the situation far more than I expected.

He let his eyes fall closed as his mouth fell open, audible breaths leaving him, the occasional, quiet hum of pleasure as my grip tightened around both him and the cloth. I hoped the warm wetness added to the experience. 

“You’re so handsome,” the words slipped from me of their own accord, so naturally. His chest jerked a bit with a quiet laugh and he opened his eyes to me. “I wanna give you more than this.”

“How could you possibly think that this ain’t more than enough?” He questioned breathlessly.

“I wanna give myself to you, completely,” I divulged to him and his jaw slackened, face morphing into one of deep pleasure. “Would you have me?”

“Jesus– princess, of course I would,” he exhaled, his good arm reaching up, hand cupping my face, thumb tracing my cheekbone. A smile formed on my lips and I dipped my head enough to watch my hand working over his length, speeding up. A quiet grunt released from his throat and his hips jerked a bit on the bed. 

“Can’t think of anyone else I’d rather experience all this with for the first time,” I told him, letting go of the cloth and wrapping my hand around him again. Skin on skin. He loosened a quiet sound, nothing that had me worrying that people might hear. “And I think about us, making love for real.”

Arthur’s hand slipped away from my face, landing on my shoulder where his fingers squeezed around the material of my top. His eyes closed again, brow creasing. 

“Shit, I'm…” he breathed, not finishing his sentence. I licked my lips and squeezed him firmer, my hand sliding freely as the head of his length grew wetter. It wasn’t just leftover from the wet cloth.

“Never wanted it so bad before,” I continued, and Arthur shook his head weakly.

“Me neither,” he said, surprising me. 

“Yeah?" 

"God, yeah. Cooped up in this tent, no distractions, the mind wanders an awful lot.”

“Well, now you know, I promise myself to you. I'm all yours, once you’re well enough,” I told him, leaning towards him and kissing the base of his jaw, near his ear. I kissed down a little, testing out a few spots on his neck, hearing him breathing hard and fast. 

“Almost there,” he whispered in a low exhale.

I hummed a pleased sound, leaning back so I could watch him; my free hand gliding over his chest again, nails raking through hair, palm knocking against a nipple. His abdomen tensed, making his muscles more pronounced. Then, with a soft sigh of my name and the loosening of everything, he came. Shooting up over my knuckles, onto his belly, his breath was hot and laboured, puffing and filling the tent. He managed not to make too much noise; the odd grunt, a loud breath like a heavy sigh, my name once or twice more. I bit my lip as I watched him, my own arousal warm and demanding between my legs. I ignored it.

“That’s nice,” I whispered, my thumb sliding over the head of his member through some of the slick, lifting off and watching a string form between us. Arthur seemed amused by my fascination, letting me play with him as he calmed down from the peak of his pleasure.

I was tempted to lick at my hand, curiosity rising about what he might taste like. However, I decided against it, letting go of Arthur and reaching for the discarded washcloth. I soaked it in the water before using it to clean both of us up, peeking up at his eyes to catch him watching me with a small, tired smile on his face. My skin heated up at his attention. I averted my eyes back down to his body, wiping up the evidence of what we’d done where it pooled below his navel. 

“Thank you,” he whispered to me. I laughed a little, shaking my head. 

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” I told him and he shrugged his good shoulder. 

“I feel more relaxed now than I have all week, I’m thanking you. That was real nice,” he insisted, moving to sit up gingerly once I was done cleaning him. He approached me for a kiss, one that was sweet and simple, tender. 

“Well, I’m glad. Let’s get you dressed,” I smiled, running my hand over his body to check that he was dry enough; pleased to find the air had dried him off during our deviation.

I helped him back into his union suit – he rarely bothered dressing any further than that lately unless he planned on venturing out of his tent – and once he was dressed I guided him to lay back down on his bed. It was getting late anyway, and Arthur looked sleepy. I stood up, going to get rid of the dirty water, but Arthur reached for me, hand catching my skirt. 

“Leave that. I don’t want you to go, yet,” he murmured. 

“I’ll come right back.”

“Mm, just sit for a sec’,” he insisted, and I didn’t resist. 

I quickly came to learn that Arthur became a little more affectionate after we were intimate; cuddly, clingy even. Though, not in a way I disliked. I couldn’t bring myself to neglect his apparent need for closeness, and sat myself down on the chair next to his bed. 

I threaded my fingers through Arthur’s where his hand rested on his stomach, feeling the rise and fall of his steadying breath. My eyes wandered to the side of the wagon where a couple of pictures were pinned. There was one of Arthur with Hosea and Dutch, taken a long time ago. They were all very young, Arthur looked like he could be in his teens, certainly no older than his early twenties. There was another photo of a dog, and one of another gentleman. I gathered it was Arthur’s father, given the fact he was holding up a board that read Lyle Morgan, and I recognised the hat he was wearing as the one Arthur wore now.

Another photograph caught my eye, one that was framed and sitting on one of the storage boxes in his tent; it was laying face down. I reached for it to pick it back up, thinking it must’ve been knocked over at some point. I immediately recognised the woman in the frame, looking as pretty as the day I’d seen her in person. It was Mary. I looked at Arthur, his eyes were closed but he opened them after a moment as if sensing my attention. He noticed what I was looking at, his face shifting into something anxious. 

“Do you still miss her?” I asked, keeping my tone light, not accusatory. 

“Not really, not anymore,” he told me, “I’ve kept that photo since we ended things, I held onto her all these years, but I ain’t got no reason to now.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did. She was special to you,” I said, putting the photo down, standing up the frame. He craned his neck to look at it. 

“She was. I guess I… I think fondly of her, but I don’t think of her the same way as I used to. Not since you and I,” he explained, turning his attention to me. He gazed at me from his pillow, face relaxed, a soft smile on his lips. “You’re all I think about now.”

His words flustered me and I shifted in my seat, eyes darting all over the tent. 

“You really mean it when you say you’ll give yourself to me?” He asked after a moment. I met his eyes again, noting the soft crease of his forehead.

“Of course. When you’re all better and the time is right,” I said, seeing his forehead soften. “I want to.”

“Me too. It would mean a lot to me, I’m not–” he paused, rephrasing. “I haven’t shared that connection with many people. Two, in fact.”

“Really?” My brows raised and I hoped I hadn’t offended him with how shocked I sounded. Arthur simply chuckled. 

“Really. And truth be told, neither of 'em really meant anything at the time. It weren’t like you and me, how we are,” he explained, and I couldn’t help but frown, eyes wandering over to the photograph beside me. 

“What about Mary, surely that was kind of like us?” I pointed out and Arthur shook his head, eyes peeling up to the roof of the tent. 

“She and I never actually went the whole way. We might’ve fooled around a little, but,” he admitted, much to my surprise. “She didn’t wanna risk falling pregnant and disappointing her father, she was adamant she’d be married and settled before anything like that. For security’s sake. I guess it was the smart thing for her to do.”

“Well then, lucky for us I ain’t too smart,” I snorted.

“If wanting to share a bond like that with someone special is dumb, well, I’m a fool too,” he chuckled, then sighed. “It’d be a first for me. I lost my virginity to a prostitute, the fellers we was rolling with at the time’s idea of a birthday gift when I turned eighteen. Sometimes I regret that, but I was a kid, too curious for my own good. 

"Then, few years later when things went to pot with Mary, I was stupid and upset, went to bed with the first person who showed an interest and that– that’s how Isaac came to be.”

I didn’t know how to respond to his openness. I certainly appreciated that he felt comfortable enough to be honest with me, and somehow I felt comforted by the fact that he didn’t have an awful lot of experience. I’d assumed otherwise, of course, simply because he was perhaps the most handsome man I’d ever seen and he could’ve used that to his advantage if he wanted.

“And uh, that’s my romantic history in a nutshell, I guess,” he gave a nervous laugh when the silence stretched on a little too long. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you for telling me that,” I whispered, “I feel better knowing that you and I ain’t so far apart.”

“And I feel better now I ain’t gotta try and live up to any expectations. If I don’t do a good job…” he frowned to himself and I kissed his cheek again. 

“You ain’t got nothing to worry about. I’ve liked everything we’ve done so far. Rather a lot,” I smiled at him, wide enough to feel the need to try and stifle myself as to not seem overly eager. 

“I jus’ wanna please you,” he whispered, reaching up to stroke the side of my face. I leaned into his palm, closing my eyes. “And make it special for you.”

“It’ll be special,” I whispered back. “'Cause it’s you, and I care about you a great deal.”

“I didn’t think I could feel anything like this again,” he confessed, and I opened my eyes to meet his. “Thought I’d used up all my chances.”

My mouth opened, but I was lost for words. I wished I could think of something to say to him that’d make him feel at least half as warm as I did, instead I just stared at him with an expression I hoped wasn’t as blank as my mind. 

“–I have never known a woman, with so many needs!” An irritable voice cut through the quiet, I soon recognised it as Dutch’s. 

“You don’t know the first thing about a woman’s needs,” Molly was slating right back, her words enough to make Arthur and I wince at each other.

“How selfish are you?–” Came Dutch’s response, more annoyance spewing from the next tent, only getting more heated. Arthur sighed heavily, his hand dropping away from the side of my face. 

The little bubble I was in burst as I remembered there was more than just Arthur and I in the world. 

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #fanfiction #arthur morgan x reader #atink #arthur morgan x female reader #rdr2 fanfic #reader insert #micah bell #dutch van der linde

[artemis-entreri]

[[ This post contains Part 6 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives I.1 Pure Positives I.2 Muddled Positives

II. Mediocre Writing Style II.1 Bad Descriptions II.2 Salvatorisms II.3 Laborious “Action”

III. Poor Characterization III.1 “Maestro” III.2 Lieutenant III.3 Barbarian III.4 “Hero” III.5 Mother

IV. World Breaks IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril IV.3 Self-Inconsistency IV.4 Dungeon Amateur IV.5 Utter Nonsense

V. Ego Stroking V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall V.2 Me, Myself, and I

VI. Problematic Themes (you are here) VI.1 No Homo VI.2 Disrespect of Women VI.3 Social-normalization VI.4 Eugenics

VII. What’s Next VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood VII.2 Profane Redemption VII.3 Passing the Torch VII.4 Don’t Notice Me Senpai

Problematic Themes

No Homo

Boundless continues to perpetuate some long-standing regressive to outright harmful ideas, as well as introducing new ones. There are two that are the biggest. The first is something that's existed for over two decades in the Drizzt books, and something that I've criticized Salvatore for for a long time: the fetishization of sapphic relationships. While Boundless is an improvement (and a bit of an oddity for Salvatore) in that it doesn't include any gratuitous lesbian sex scenes or allusions, it still very much perpetuates an imbalanced representation, such that it wouldn't be fair to describe it as true representation. Yet again, despite it being canon that the default sexuality in the Realms is pansexuality as opposed to heterosexuality in our world, the only people that we see in Boundless that are capable of same sex attractions are female. Ever since the token gay guy Afrafrenfere's epiphany that everything else he'd been engaged in, which includes his deceased boyfriend, was a distraction from enlightenment, there hasn't been so much of an implication that men could be attracted to other men in Salvatore's Realms. There exists more chemistry between Harbonair and Zaknafein than between Zaknafein and Dab'nay, which is rather sad given that the latter pair are actively sexual with each other. There's of course the possibility that Salvatore just doesn't know how to write gay male chemistry, but to be fair, his heterosexual chemistry is pretty bad. Most of it is just sex or another physical act spontaneously happening that triggers a change in the nature of the relationship, for instance, the start of the relationship between Entreri and Calihye. There's so much background "everyone is heterosexual" stuff going on that to be inclusive, Salvatore just needs to mention that there's more than one man in an orgy rather than it always being one man to many women. Or, better yet, use an example directly from the world canon that other authors have used, namely, that the workers of a brothel or attendants in a temple of Sune are of more than one gender and that a male client is greeted by both male, female, and other gender-identifying attendants. Casual inclusion of this nature isn't difficult, and we see Salvatore do it with sapphic stuff enough that leads me to believe that it's a choice on his part not to be fully inclusive. 

An example of when Salvatore could've gone for inclusion, but instead went for fetishization, is in the scene of Dahlia infiltrating a Waterdhavian nobles' ball:

This isn't much better than gratuitous lesbian sex scenes at the total exclusion of gay men. It's completely unnecessary for Salvatore to have specified that women also drooled after Dahlia; simply stating "people" would've been sufficient. It's not like Salvatore doesn't have many chances and setups where he can drop a hint that gay men exist in the Realms like he does so frequently for gay women. Oftentimes, Salvatore's writing feels very much like he realizes that there's "too much" chemistry between two male characters, such that he has to throw in a "NO HOMO" wrench. For instance:

While there isn't anything inherently gay in this passage, there isn't anything inherently gay in so many places where Salvatore artificially injected "these women are sapphic" indicators. Yet here, between two male characters, it's specifically clarified that it's brotherly love. Love is love, it shouldn't have to be clarified like this. Sure, some people might jump to romantic love, but so what? This was a good opportunity to at the very least, leave it vague, but apparently Salvatore can't stomach it enough that he has to cross the possibility out with a bold black marker (maybe its the same sharpie he uses on the tapestry of Faerûn). It's as though the possibility of romantic love between two men somehow taints the sacredness of their bond. Salvatore's writing style is very old-fashioned and set in its ways, but that's no excuse not to change. Despite his espoused views on social media, Salvatore's lack of representation in his writing suggests a discomfort that he doesn't want to address. This is increasingly problematic as we try to push to a better world with more acceptance and equality. Inclusion isn't truly inclusion if it's done with only a portion of the population. 

Disrespect of Women

What Salvatore does with sapphic women is fetishization, which is additionally problematic because it's a short hop from objectification of women. This point is one that I haven't touched on much in the past, but it's glaring in Boundless because in this novel, Salvatore also tries to demonstrate respect of women. Salvatore has a long history of poorly-written female characters. In his books, a female character's most redeeming characteristics were that she was hot and young. For a while, I could tell which female characters were there to stay, which were doomed to die from the get-go, and which would suffer horribly as they met their inevitable end. It always had to do with how physically attractive the character was, and usually with respect to how she measured up to Catti-brie's beauty. Not counting female villains like Sheila Kree who were not coincidentally unattractive, protagonist characters weren't spared this treatment. For instance, Delly Curtie didn't hold a candle to Catti and could barely find happiness with Catti's rejected suitor. By the same token, Innovindil, who, despite being a full-blooded elf, wasn't as beautiful as Catti, and was subsequently very short-lived. Dahlia, another full-blooded elf who wasn't as beautiful as Catti, admittedly didn't die (yet), but what she went through is arguably worse. Dahlia is portrayed to be very much second best to Catti, from her looks to her rejection by Drizzt to Catti outright beating Dahlia in a fight. So, of course, Dahlia gets stuck with Entreri, who's frequently portrayed as second best to Drizzt. Salvatore does deserve credit for trying to break the mold with Penelope Harpell and Wulfgar, but Penelope's appearance doesn't leave much of an impression. We're reminded multiple times that she's an older woman, and the focus is on her personality, but with how often younger female characters' physical appearance is mentioned and re-mentioned, it gives the impression that Salvatore doesn't believe older women can be physically attractive. As always, Catti-brie was an exception to the rule, for even in her mid-forties, "her form, a bit thicker with age, perhaps, but still so beautiful and inviting to [Drizzt]", a characterization that follows another sentence describing how beautiful she was barely a page prior. But we don't hear such about Penelope, instead, we're told about the strengths of her personality, which are admirable, but only become the focus for her, rather than for a young-appearing strong female character like Yvonnel the Second. This is not to mention that someone's form probably shouldn't be characterized as inviting, as that is something the person should do, not something done by the person's looks. The objectification of women is problematic enough on its own, but instead of addressing the issue, Salvatore appears to consider it sufficient to put in a significant anecdote featuring a temporary character to prove that he is an ally to women. The mysterious "demon" possessing the little girl Sharon is painted as a moral adjudicator, entrapping the evil in its unbreakable cocoons filled with wasps that have human faces. Before this "demon" entraps Entreri, it ensnares an old man, whom we're simply told is an old lecher, with no insight about what makes him such and what wrongdoings he'd committed. All we know is that he and his wife attempted to kidnap Sharon and threatened to kill her if she resisted. It's not very clear what's going on in that scenario or what the couple's intentions were. The man's description shifts suddenly from nothing to "old lecher", and he is damned to an eternity of suffering. But how was he a lecher? Was Salvatore trying to imply that he intended to sexually assault Sharon? Or was human trafficking one of his many sins, with the "lecher" part referring to how he is towards women? While all of these crimes certainly warrant harsh punishment, the message that Salvatore's trying to convey isn't clear. Furthermore, the anecdote gives the reader zero satisfaction in the guy's punishment, because we're only marginally invested in what's happened. His anecdote is nothing more than a cheap and lazy setup to illustrate what the "demon" can do.

Social-normalization

The second of the two worst among Salvatore's long-standing problematic themes is the simplified and social-normative qualifications of what makes a person worthwhile. To put it simply, one is good and just if they are the Companions of the Hall and/or act like them, despite the many many ways that the Companions behave unheroically and hypocritically. On the flip side, one who doesn't subscribe to or follow the model of the Companions is evil, bad, or not worthy of existence unless they change to become like the Companions. Of the latter group, it isn't sufficient to change to become a different version of themselves. For instance, during the demonic assault, Zaknafein throws himself into the fray of battle, risking his life, yet again, for his ungrateful son. Yet, Drizzt's takeaway from watching his father do this is, "joy to see his father so willingly risking his life for the cause of the goodly folk of the Crags". There appears to be a subconscious inconsistency here on Salvatore's part, for he even writes that Zaknafein helps the dwarves because Zaknafein knows it's what his son wants him to do, so removing Drizzt from the picture, Zaknafein wouldn't be doing it solely on behalf of the dwarves. Zaknafein isn't Drizzt, and that's a good thing, for not everything needs to be a Drizzt clone, but Salvatore doesn't seem to agree with that assessment. 

Salvatore doesn't seem to realize that Drizzt is the problematic one. Boundless represents a point in time in which it's been awhile since Zaknafein has returned. During this time, while Zaknafein has been trying to adapt and adjust his worldviews, Drizzt's perspective hasn't changed at all, despite Jarlaxle spending a great amount of time talking to him about Zaknafein and presumably helping Drizzt get past the initial emotional turmoil of the return of Zaknafein and his own struggles with reconciling the past and the present. There's also a double-standard here, for while Entreri is forced to change because enough time has gone by, Drizzt isn't. 

It really seems to be the message that the only characters that are good and valid need to be as close to Drizzt as possible, and this belief applied to Entreri has been the cause of the assassin's increasingly poor characterization. Entreri has become a "better person" by the narrator's approximation, a quality that is, yet again, not coincidentally synonymous to being an ally to the Companions of the Hall. Artemis Entreri may very well have become a better version of himself, but that is not, and should not be, becoming more like the Companions of the Hall. By whose definition is "a better person" anyway? By Drizzt's? By the Companions'? It's often the case that those that believe that they are the definition of what's right and define others' morality relative to themselves are the least qualified to do so. 

Eugenics

Although not as prominent as the two themes already mentioned, one final consistent problematic theme of Salvatore's in the Drizzt books that I'd like to discuss is the idea that mediocrity and excellence are inherited traits. Boundless reminds us yet again that all of the offspring of Rizzen are as unpromising as he is, and while it isn't specifically stated that all the offspring of Zaknafein is very much otherwise, we have over thirty books basically telling us that so it probably doesn't need to be repeated. While it is true that genetics do play a role in determining what makes up a person, genetics do not lock in guaranteed results. Yet, the undistinguished Rizzen sired "the mediocrity of Nalfein", and as though that insult wasn't bad enough, "His pants fell down, too. Again, and as expected, unimpressive." Dinin "would do Rizzen proud", but that's not saying a whole lot because it was in the context of the total failure of Nalfein. There's a further level of problematic theme here, for perpetuating the stereotype that a man's worth is at all related to the size of his genitalia. All of that aside, not everyone is privileged enough to be born to top specimens, and those that weren't inherently already have a struggle on their hands. They don't deserve to have the idea that they'll be mediocre no matter what perpetuated. Genetics might be what makes an individual, but what defines them is the actions that they take.

#legend of drizzt #Forgotten Realms #d&d #Artemis Entreri #Drizzt #Drizzt Do'Urden #zaknafein do'urden #dahlia sin'felle #Catti-Brie #penelope harpell #Wulfgar son of Beornegar #Yvonnel Baenre #Companions of the Hall #jarlaxle baenre #Afrafrenfere #Harbonair Tr'Arach #Dab'nay Tr'Arach #Calihye #Sune #Showithal Terdidy #Doregardo #Faerun #Delly Curtie #lgbt representation #homophobia #R A Salvatore #Boundless #book review #Sheila Kree #Sharon

[kpop-scenario-lover]

Us~Bang Chan

*GIF is not mine credits to the owners.*

Words:1.4k

Genre: Angst

I know that I still have a bunch of requests that I have to finish, but I thought I would let you guys know that I can write for Stray Kids as well! They have quickly become one of my favourite groups. So I thought I would let you guys know that I do write for Stray Kids! Hope you guys enjoy!

Part Two

...........................................................................

You stared at the letter you had just written. Reading it over you let out a small laugh.

It was a letter to Chan explaining all of your feelings for him. You continued to stare at it for a couple more minutes before you grabbed the letter and shoved it into one of your drawers on your desk.

He was never going to see that letter. You just needed a way to Express yourself and writing a letter seemed like a good idea.

And it was until you realized that you writing this letter was all in vain.

Chan was your ex boyfriend, and he also had a new girlfriend.

You sighed as you stood up from your desk and walked out of your room to the kitchen.

As you were about to pour yourself some coffee to try and wake yourself up a bit, you felt your phone vibrate.

You pulled it out and saw that it was a text from Felix. Asking if you wanted to hang out at the dorm with him and the guys.

You bit your lip as you thought about it. You quickly typed back.

"Is Chan and his new girl going to be there?"

You waited about a minute before you got a reply.

"Nope coast is clear. They're going on a date. So you coming over? Everyone misses you."

You smiled at the last bit of the text.

"Sure. Just give me half an hour to get ready. I miss you guys too. Xoxo"

You quickly typed back.

You put your phone in your pocket and went straight to your room. Grabbing a towel and some clothes to change into you headed to the bathroom.

Quickly turning the water on you hopped into the shower. You were glad that Chan wasn't going to be there.

It's not like you guys ended on bad terms it's just awkward between the two of you now. It's like you guys were strangers.

Chan was the one that ended things between the two of you. Claiming that he just didn't have time for a relationship because he needed to focus on their debut.

And you understood completely. It hurt like hell that he was breaking things off, but you knew you had to let him go so he could become who he needed to be.

After a couple weeks after your breakup though you found out Chan was dating a trainee that was set to debut as well.

You were crushed. You remember it feeling like the whole world just stopped. Like you were frozen in place.

You still didn't hate him though, the exact opposite. You still loved him completely.

You sighed as you shook yourself out of your thoughts. Turning the water off you stepped out of the shower.

Quickly drying off you got dressed, did some light makeup and headed out to the boys dorm.

Excitement ran through you as you drove to the boys's dorm. You didn't realize how much you actually missed them.

Smiling you pulled up their driveway and turned your car off. As you were walking up to the front door Chan and his new girlfriend walked out.

Your smile slowly dropped. Chan looked over at you in surprise.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" He asked you.

You froze. You weren't expecting him to say anything to you.

"I-I..I uh Felix invited me over to hang out with him and the boys. I've missed them so I thought I'd come over." You stuttered out.

Chan frowned slightly. "Felix invited you? Huh well we should get going. Yuri and I have a date to get too." He said as he gently grabbed Yuri's hand and started to walk away.

"O-Oh uh yeah. Enjoy your date." You mumbled as you walked past them.

As you walked past them Yuri hit you with her shoulder. Causing you and her to stumble a bit.

Chan steadied her and immediately turned to look at you.

"What was that?" He asked you.

You stared at him in confusion. "What was what?" You asked him back.

He rolled his eyes. "You didn't need to shove her like that." He stated.

Your mouth fell open. A sudden anger came boiling up.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!? You can't be serious right now. I didn't shove her. She was the one who ran into me." You told him.

"If you think for one fucking second that I would waste my time doing something so petty like that. You clearly never knew me Chan." You told him as you glared at him.

Chan glared right back. "Yuri told me you were the one who shoved her."

You rolled your eyes. "Okay? And? Did it occur to you that she might be lying?"

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down.

"Okay look. I didn't come here to start some meaningless fight with you. I came here because I missed the boys who happen to also be my friends. So if you excuse me." You said as you started to walk away.

"You know I never cared about you."

You froze. You didn't want to believe what you just heard. Slowly turning around to look at him you saw Yuri smirking.

"W-What?" You whispered out.

"When we were dating, I never cared about you. I was just trying to get something to distract myself and you worked." Chan spoke.

Tears immediately welled in your eyes.

"Wow." You laughed.

"You're such an asshole. No wonder it was so easy for you to throw me away. You never wanted us to begin with. While I was doing everything I could to make us happen. But you never wanted it."

Chan's eyes widened a bit but you didn't care.

"Y'know I never said one bad thing about you after our breakup. I never hated you. I still cared about you. I still cared about us. God I'm an idiot." You laughed as tears fell down your face.

You quickly wiped your eyes. Immediately making a beeline back to your car.

"Do me a favor Chan. Please don't ever talk to me again." You said as you got into your car.

You quickly texted Felix saying that you couldn't make it and you'd explain why later.

As you drove up your driveway you couldn't get what Chan had told you out of your head.

You turned your car off and walked into your apartment.

As soon as you walked into your tears started to stream down your face. You collapsed to the ground.

You didn't understand where that sudden outburst of his came from.

After half an hour or so you had calmed down a bit. Sniffling you looked around your room.

Memories of you and Chan were still on the walls. You stood up and grabbed a duffle bag.

Grabbing all of the pictures of him and you and shoving them into the bag. Along with some gifts he had given you and some of his sweaters and clothes he had left behind.

As you finished packing everything in the duffle bag you saw the letter you had written this morning sticking out of one of the drawers.

Slowly walking over you bit your lip. You took the letter out of the drawer and re-read what you had written.

Dear Chan,

I'm not sure where to begin. I was reading online that it was a healthy thing to get your feelings out and to not bottle them up inside. So, here I am writing this letter that you'll probably never see, but I need to get this out.

Where did I go wrong? I've been wondering that ever since you broke things off with me. What did I do to make you break things off? I know you said it was because you needed to focus on your debut. But you started dating Yuri a couple weeks after we broke up. So, it had to have been something that I've done right?

I love you so so much and its killing me that you're with someone else. I miss your laugh. I miss waking up next to you after we have our movie marathon nights. I miss the way your eyes light up everytime you talk about the boys and how you're so proud of them.

I miss us. I miss you. So please, come back.

Love always,

Y/N

You laughed bitterly as tears ran down your face.

Stuffing the letter inside with all the other memories of your relationship with Chan you smiled sadly at a realization.

You weren't the problem. Chan just didn't care anymore.

#kpop #kpop angst #kpop scenarios #scenarios #angst #bang chan #chan scenarios #bang chan angst #stray kids #stay kids angst #stay kids scenarios #kpop imagines #imagines #bang chan scenarios #bang chan scenario #chan angst

[memoirs-to-myself]

The World Can Be Tricked Re;DUX

This has been one lackluster journal, blog, whatever, hasn’t it? What started as a simple way to cowardly way to vent, went to daily reports, occasional pics and posts, and long absences due to actual journaling in late 2014-early 2015 (which are sadly lost, more on that later), then lack of interest, computer availability, and last but not least, tumblr taking the crapper (yes 2011 me, I know, insane right?)

What was my point, again? I had a point writing this, right? Oh yes, the memoirs, right. 

I’ve always been, well, kind of different. I experience the world in a different sense than most people. If you’re reading this, chances are you already know that. One of the ways I like to view the world, ever since I was a little kid, was like a book series. Sometimes video game series, or a long movie series, but book series seemed to appeal to me more. Probably because of the length. I would always wonder to myself as a kid,” Is this my backstory? How many books am I already in? Has my story begun?” The thought has never really left me. “If my life were a book series, where would the first book start” Kind of a hard philosophical question of you think about it. Well, I think I have an answer, or at least one to give a purpose to this blog and possibly give it a future. 

Let’s say my story started the moment I created this “secret blog”. I know, I know, there are plenty of important defining moments before I created this blog, and for all intents and purposes, those can all be my prequels. But the actual start of my mind library, or memoirs-to-myself (get the blog name? My mind’s been secretly planning this for years) is February 2, 2012. Excellent, now we have a starting point for my first book. And it just so happens be the starting point of this blog, oh my goodness, how convenient. 

You might be asking yourself, “Hey Zach, How does this book series metaphor even work?” and I say, excellent question, trusted friend and/or future Zach! (Thanks for playing along buddy) I think of the “series” as my entire life, from start to finish, the “books” are the major stages of my life, possibly as childhood, adulthood, and retirement for example, “chapters” to being long stretches of time, “pages” being big moments on a smaller scale. That’s normally how I structure my life as I think back on it. I know, I’m a weird one, right?     

But why start the books here, almost 17 years into my life already? Well, this is around the time I believe I started thinking for myself and becoming my own person. The start of who I am today, so to speak. However, I know I’ll want to chronicle the 16 years prior, and for that, I’ll probably view that as my prequel or backstory, if you will, so it stills stays within my book series motif. That story is for another time though, because I need to get to my point and I’ve already spent 45 MINUTES (oh my god) writing this part up and I don’t think i’m even close to done. 

God have mercy.

The point being is that I believe the first book of my life is over. And if this blog is all a representation of that, then it is a poor one. I would like to fill in some gaps, clarify a few moments and memories that need proper spotlight. After all, I didn’t know I was in some of the best times of my life. And some of my worst. How could I? I want to use this blog as a library of sorts for my memories for as long as I can, and to do that, I need to redo the chronicling of my first book “The World Can Be Tricked”. Hence the ReDUX in the name of the title. This post will be a timeline of sorts of the important events that happened in that book. Everything before this post was written from me from the perspective of that book. This a retelling of the events after time has past. I plan to do these for all my “books” as a therapeutic way to reminisce and grow.

So without further ado, Let’s ReDUX:

2012- Wow. What a year. ZachZachMoore at his finest. I actually take back what I said earlier, this is a great place to start my story. The year I turned 17, the height of my high school career, the year I thought I fell in love. Already best friends with Jeffrey, Bloo at the time. Thats when I met Alex, Duff, Satiel, and even Kieth. Being a teenager was wild. Back then, I was still heavily involved with my youth group, wanted to be a youth pastor, was Prof. Plum in Clue, star performer in show choir, and was section leader when our marching band did Mechanize, the most successful show DCHS ever put on. It’s the year I became a senior, which is eventful on it’s own. Minecraft came out, friends had cars. It’s also the year where I didn’t get a lead in my last musical but all my theater friends did, the year I got my heart broken, and the year I started smoking pot. A year of beginnings alright and the peak of my teenage years. I had no idea where my rollercaster life was going, but I knew I was on top of the peak. You can say I was not ready for the first loop

2013- The first month of 2013 of was pretty normal. I was transiting from PC gaming from my ancient XP (rip sims 3) to modern (ish) console gaming due to my new XBox 360 and 3DS. My terrible school future had a light at the end of the tunnel, with moving going to the DEC, giving me a easy way to catch up on  credits and not having to be at school all day. Things were looking good for me. Then Mom and I lost our home. Due to new management, and my mom having a terrible payment plan with the old management, we were evicted on the spot, had 24 hours to move. It was traumatic to say the least. I had lived there for over 7 years, it was the closest thing I had to a childhood home, that and my grandparents house. And in a night, it was gone. I didn’t even get to truly say goodbye. After that, Mom and I moved in with Grandma Judy, and Aunt Tami. It was not ideal. I kind of just shut down the rest of the school year after that. I barely talked to my family, started partying when I could, slacked off on my studies, lost faith in my religion (found Danganronpa and Nico B, but didn’t fully engage in them. Yet) . And then I was 18, laying in a dorm bed at Olivet Nazarene University for Celebrate Life 2013. I was laying there, thinking about my future. If things went as I had planned up to this point, then by this time next year, I would be laying here. but as a student, in the next stage of my life. It didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel right. Then I had graduated. I still missing some credits but I essentially scammed my way through and got a diploma anyway. That marks the start of the summer of 2013, my post graduate summer. Yes, I got fucked up. That was also the start of the Dope Fam, a collection of friends we had in school and just people that were in our class. They taught us to smoke cigs, party hard, and “trip” on triple C’s. Bad influences to be sure but hey. So were we. Then, on July 19th, I had on of the worst experinces of my life. I refer to it as the incident, and I plan on giving it a whole post in itself at some point. For now, now it was a “bad trip” of sorts, and it truly terrified me to the core. This whole first book is about me transitioning for a child to an adult, but this moment truly gave me a head start. It is definitely the start of my depression, even if I didn’t know it at the time. Moving on, this cycle of partying and staying at Papaws continued all throughout the year, I even practically moved in during the fall. But by the end of the year, I was back at my Grandmas, with my mom

2014- Once again, the start of the year was pretty much the same as last year. There wasn’t a real change til around April, when I officially moved into Papaw’s camper with Jeffrey, and started working with him in Landscaping. That lasted until it didn’t. We had sorta moved out of Papaw’s at that point, and were staying at a value hotel, when we weren’t partying at D-Mo’s, but without jobs, we couldn’t afford to stay there anymore. We stayed at Alex’s a bit, starting the three of us calling each goons (showed us death note, started my love on anime), re found Danganronpa and binged it to it’s sequel, securing my taste in Japanese storytelling, bought my iphone 5s, my first phone I 100% bought for myself, and moved into Jennifer’s garage in Ingalls in the middle of the summer, in the middle of nowhere, to the point where I didn’t get service for my new phone. At this point, Alex got us a Job working at the Marriott. Satiel worked there also. Around September, my depression was in full swing and I was convinced I was going to die at 19 because I was going to kill myself (Only thing that stopped myself was that I haven’t played KH3). Dark times indeed. Jeffrey wasn’t faring too hot either, with every girl under the sun taking advantage of him. He even got a cat, Jamenson. We needed a change or we were going to suffocate. So we did. On the final days of November, Jeffrey and I moved into our first apartment together, off of Ditch Road, at the Northwest Retreat, bare bones and broke as fuck, referred to now as “THE apartment”. We viewed it at the start of a new chapter. We had no idea how right we were

2015 Part 1: Part 1? As if this wasn’t long enough?!?! I’m sorry, but there’s such a drastic shift in my life in the middle of 2015 that I have to split it up. It’s also a good place to visualize the middle of my first book, so that’s a plus. Anyway, sometime in January, Eric started working at the Marriott. We befriended him immediately (Do you smoke? Smoke What?) and invited him over to the apartment. We quickly learned that his best friend named Richie lived in the same apartment and also invited him over. This is the start of the Goon Squad, a pre-evolution of the family I have now. For the majority of the first half of the year, Alex, Eric, Rico, Satiel, Jeffrey, and I spent our days chilling and smoking, not giving a damn about anything. This is when we decided we all true friends for each other. But working at the Marriott was brutal, non rewarding, and ridiculous and after 8 months, I caved and quit, promising a new job. After awhile, everyone quit, Alex moved in for a month, and we partied even harder. But we dropped all responsibilities, started acting like kids again. At this point in my depression, I was convinced I was trash and didn’t have a personal reason to exist in this world, except for KH3, which wasn’t much. So I just ran with my life at that moment, living for the Goon Squad. It was enough for me so I didn’t think of the Consequences. And so, in July, we were evicted from THE apartment. Jeffrey moved back to his mom’s. And I, along with Jamenson, who I essentially adopted at that point, moved back to mine, who had gotten a small one bedroom apartment, and had poor communication with me, which was all my fault, due to me being upset that all of my childhood belongings were lost, which was also my fault really. It was not a good time. Then it was June.

2015 Part 2: My mom asks me to get a job. I pretend to try and don’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, for anyone. I felt abandoned by the very people I started to live for, though I now imagined they felt the same way. My relationship with my mom had changed  drastically with me being 19, and I hadn’t felt fully comfortable with that change, let alone living with alcoholism again. I couldn’t enjoy any of my interests anymore, and I had no reason to move forward, even to help my mom, which I knew was selfish and I punished myself for it, causing an endless cycle of self hate. My depression was in full swing again. My friends weren’t faring better. Eric and Rico could barely show up to all our gatherings when we could have them, so they felt as if they were being forgotten. Satiel thought we were all moving on, Alex felt like a cheafur, I felt abandoned, and Jeffrey felt so thrown away, he dated the worst girl alive. ugh. Then Jeffrey got sick. Very sick. It was very possible he could die. It brought us to our senses that we were being petty and needed to come together. It was frightening and eye opening. When Jeffrey woke up, we all promised again to always be there for each other. I felt like things were looking up. The next night, I watched my grandma die. Yeah. The next night. My family was a mess of emotions. I could barely feel a thing. As I've stated, I sort just shut down when I can’t process things. That wasn’t an option this time, as I had my mother to think about. So I only turned off part of myself, except I don’t know if I ever turned it back on again. I’ve never enjoyed celebrating my birthday after that, since they’re so close. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. I don’t know if I ever will. My mom got some money back and wanted to do something great with it, so at least something positive can come out of this dark time. So, she fulfilled my long time childhood dream of owning a laptop. With that, I was back into the PC world. To be strong for my mom, I knew I had to sort something out with myself. so I found new interests, mainly Danganronpa and Nico B, learning that I can be passionate about something nerdy and not be alone, raising my spirits greatly. At this point, Jeffrey broke it off with {nameredacted} and moved in with me and my mom, and we all started moving forward again.

2016 - Oh boy. I knew 2016 was one of the books when I was living it but hot damn, this might be the best year of my life so far. So many good memories, friend building, family making, litest time ever. It’s the year Jeffrey met Krista, Rico met Rachael, Alex found Nico, Duff officially joined the group, Keith came back for a bit, Taylor showed up in our lives, I turned 21, and so, so, many snapchats. Raccoon Lake, Duff’s garage, Rico’s parents house, Alex’s car in my parking lot. We all hung out as much as we could. 2015 is when we became friends, a squad. 2016 is when we became family. So many memories that I could go on and on and on. Zero Time Dilemma came out that year. Nico played Kingdom Hearts and fell in love. I found Steins;Gate, arguably the greatest story ever written. 2016 wasn’t without it’s bad though. I still couldn’t keep a job, and I wasn’t doing my mom any favors by letting her take care of me. 2016 was the year I “dated” Cheyenne and stopped looking for something romantic, feeling that it wasn’t for me. I was so caught up in trying to like my life again, I didn’t realize the sacrifices people were making for me to even get the time to think about it. Alas, I was blissfully ignorant, living in the glow of 21-ness. The year passed with no real page turners. Just good memories.

2017- Kingdom Hearts 2.8 is coming out, the final piece of the puzzle before Kingdom Hearts 3. I need a PS4 to play both, so I guilt trip my drunk mom to buy me one, even though she definitely couldn’t afford it. At this point, I was still feeling like my mom still owned me something due to her alcoholism in my life, without realizing that even if that was true, she had paid that due and i was practically stealing from her at this point. Not gonna lie, I was kind of a shit this year. I just couldn’t see it at the time. With my PS4, I could play with mostly all the Goons, starting the co-oping time of my gaming life, directly leading me to Paragon, starting my competitive part of my gaming life, which I was sorely behind on. I was working warehouse to warehouse to appease my mom but not staying long enough to actually help her at all. Triple C’s weren’t cutting it anymore so Rico and I tried Acid, and Jeffrey and Krista tried Molly and we shared our results with the class. We finally found our party drug, and I finally got some closure on the incident. Jeffrey and Krista moved in together, after he proposed to her, and we made it our new trip central. I started streaming my gameplay and actually giving serious thought towards a future career in gaming. Then, in October, my mom and I got into a fight. A really bad one. I named it “The fight that ended” and I’ll probably explain that name and the event in detail in a later post. For now, It was a fight that made us realize that we couldn’t live together anymore. “We weren’t good for each other” she said. So she threw me out. Jeffrey and Krista took a shattered me back to their place. They said I could stay there but their lease was up in a month  so we would all have to make quick plans. I knew at this point that I had changed into something I didn’t want to be, someone that hurt the ones he loved. That had to change. And now was a good as time as ever. So, the Goons made plans to move in together. And by plans, I mean threw all their chips in the pot and hoped for a flush. I got seriously employed, sold my laptop so I could have move in money, hardened myself for the journey. I was still shook from the fight with my mom but I had to grow so I stopped feeling and just moved. Through some divine power, we got our wish, and on November 22, Duff, Alex, Rico, Jeffrey, Krista, and I moved into the “Goon Pent”, a penthouse apartment in Castleton. A dream we all shared since THE apartment, had finally been realized. We were at an all time high, we were adults and we were making it work, together. After a rocky end, we were looking towards the future with hopeful eyes.

2018 - For the first 3 months of our lease, everything was cream and peaches. We all had jobs we were serious about, we were drinking or tripping every weekend  in our own place, we kept the place clean and every one was one their own shit, Alex started dating Shelby, we even re branded the Goon Squad, to Goon Tang Clan, adding more members and friends we made along the years. Then I had an observed pee test which I couldn’t do, quit my job as a result, and wound up in the same place mentally as I was 3 months prior. I realized I hadn’t changed at all and in a cycle of self hate, I started doing the same thing I was doing at my mom’s: nothing. Duff fell into the same strut, Rico had an unreliable job, Krista and Jeffrey couldn’t find a job they could tolerate so they sold pot to make up the difference, which was also unreliable, making Alex having to cover the differences all the time. Things were starting crack, figuratively and literally, as we learned out penthouse wasn’t so luxurious as it was made out to be. We learned that while we were all great friends, we weren’t the greatest roommates to each other. We distracted ourselves with a month long stream, Taylor moving in, Paragon’s death, but by May, we were starting to get shitty with each. Me really getting shitty with me, cause at this point I had pawned all my stuff, and owned all my friends money. I had nothing to show for it and it was my birthday soon? No. I’ve had enough of doing nothing to just do something for a little while to make me feel better to just quit. I wanted to be someone my friends could depend  on, after all the time I had depended on them. I didn’t need to be some superstar person to be of use to them. Even if I was a shitty person, I could still do this. I realized this world can be tricked, that I could have issues and still make it through life. And so, for the first time in a long time, and truly did something. On the eve of my 23rd birthday, I got employed and worked all summer. I cleaned up the house without compliant. I helped others with bills and help found jobs for others. I paid back all my debts and got my PS4 back, albeit with no games, forcing me to truly build a gaming library all by myself with no ties to my mother, I was never late or missed a day at work during that time, using my self hatred as fuel to work hard. In the summer of 2018, I finally changed for the better. Then we got some huge news: Rico was going to be a dad. So Rico moved out (though he’s over allllll the time), Shelby moved in, and we all agreed to one more year here, making the end of the lease in December 2019. In September, we were doing we but I was starting to get tired of cleaning all the time. My self hatred could only take me so far and it had died down quite a bit over the summer. It’s hard to be depressed when you’re always busy and actually tired. Though Kingdom Hearts 3 delay to January didn’t help any. The house was being divided though, with me on all sides. It was going to blow to a head soon so I tried to mitigate everything I could. From Duff’s Alcoholism, to Krista’s friends being over ( Newdell is the only important one to note), To Eric just being over, we were complaining about everything. It was at this point that I fully realized that our dream of living together, had an expiration date. This great moment of my life was starting to end. On Christmas that year, I was left wondering where would that leave me? I wasn’t afraid of the Squad breaking up, but if we all moved forward right now, what would I do? Could I exist on my own? And then it was

2019- I stare at my TV screen, the timer on it draining ever so slowly. Less than 5 minutes were on it but it might as well been years. Funny, considering how long I’ve been waiting for this moment, how long could 5 more minutes be. Very long in fact. Long enough to rethink your whole life to moment. It was 11:56 PM on January 28th, 2019. 4 minutes til Kingdom Hearts 3 was out. I had called off for this. I didn’t know it at the time but I was going to be temporarily fired for this. My friends were sitting in my room with me. They weren’t caught up on Kingdom Hearts but they were to watch me react. I’ve been waiting for this game for over a decade. I stayed alive for this game. I existed these past 7 years for this one wish, to play this game. In 3 minutes, that dream will come true. And I was terrified. For some reasons, understandable. Will I enjoy playing it, Will my favorite characters survive, Will it live up to all it’s hype. All rational fears to be sure. But one was screaming louder than the others. What now? All my life, I hadn’t have many personal goals for myself, choosing to live for others rather than myself. But with everyone slowly moving on without me, I have to learn to have hopes for myself. However, the few childhood dreams I had, I had already achieved. I found a family where I could be myself. I got my laptop, found nerdy games, moved in with the goons. The only one left was about to be delivered in 2 minutes to my PS4. “Are you excited?” someone says. “Yeah, I’m speechless” I stammered out, not quite a lie but no where near the whole truth. Am I excited? It’s the end of an era. End being the key word. I realized that I can no longer call myself a child anymore. I was an adult. What does that mean? A minute left of this time, this moment. How do I feel? What do I do now? Can I live on with everyone on my own strength. Am I strong enough? It was then I noticed my phone was buzzing. An alarm was going off. It was for the release of Kingdom Hearts 3. It was out. Before I could even blink, the moment was gone. I existed post Kingdom Hearts 3 world now. A world I never thought of living in. The song I chose for the alarm was reaching it’s chorus. I had a choice here, a choice that’s been present this entire first book. To finally move forward and change, or return to endless cycle that will doom me. It’s never been much of a choice. Either I stay in this moment pretending it’s perfect or I live to beat of the song thats been playing. To face your fears. I turn off the alarm and turn towards my PS4, with KH3 waiting to be played. A choice to make here. “Well are you going to press play?” 

Not much of a choice at all

I faced my fears and pressed play

Ending “The World Can Tricked”

A book on how I learned to face my fears: myself 

[summerseachild]

Summersea’s GoT Season 6 Tumblr Spoiled First Time Watch 2019: Part 1

So I was going to rename this a “hatewatch” now that I’ve gotten to a whole season I hadn’t seen before, but let’s be honest. If you’ve seen me reblogging things from later seasons, it was never going to be that. There are things that I knew I was going to enjoy VERY MUCH, and I wasn’t wrong. There were also things that, if I let them, would have had me frothing a the mouth in rage. 

But then I reminded myself that I’m vacationing in Castle Not Giving a Shit while I watch the back half of the show, and things were much better after that. I’ve mostly left my in the moment reaction except where I’d had too much wine to be coherent.

Season 6

Hot on the heels of season 5 i still have a third of a bottle of Chardonnay left let’s DO THIS

6x01

1. Lol it’s still in the credits so they continue to pretend like they care about Dorne????

2. Ghost howling 😢😢😢

3. So Davos went straight from staning one dour person to another... he has a type.

4. Some dude in the night’s watch re Melisandre: who’s she? Davos: oh just some lady Who spat a shadow out of her vag once LETS TRUST HER

5. Wow Olly aged a lot over the past five minutes since he killed Jon!

6. Edd please don’t die here. I don’t remember how you go but don’t let it be here

7. Boo hoo poor little psychopath lost his gf. No one cares, Ramsay. Myranda deserved what she got AND SO WILL YOU

8. My soul left my body like three times during that chase scene where Theon and Sansa are running from the Bolton men. POOR COLD BBS

9. That hug where they’re just CLINGING TO EACH OTHER THIS SHOULD NOT MAKE ME SHIP IT BUT HERE WE ARE

10. THEON SHOWING HIMSELF TO TRY TO KEEP HER SAFE I CANNOT HE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS IF THEY CATCH HIM AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY SO SHE MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE 

11. IT’S BRIENNE OF MF-ING TARTH OMG YAY

12. Also go Theon killing that dude

13. UGH THE SWEARING FEALTY SCENE WITH SANSA AND BRIENNE AND ALL OF THEIR FACES AND SANSA LOOKING TO THEON BEFORE ACCEPTING AND POD REMINDING HER OF THE WORDS IT IS PERFECT 

14. Give me the AU where Theon lives and stays at Winterfell because he wants to be near her and they understand each other and Brienne is in her Queensgiard I AM NOT ASKING MUCH

15. Meanwhile in other trauma hi Cersei

16. UGH LOOK HOW SHE RUNS ACROSS THE COURTYARD TO SEE HER DAUGHTER

17. So... that scene with Jaime and Cersei where they talked about seeing Joanna’s dead body and she... Doesn’t blame him??? For Myrcella? Like I thought she would??? And she tells him about the prophecy??? And they hug??? Yeah that’s in contention for my fav Lannister twin scene ever? Top five at the very least. (And another member of the “Jaime writes his siblings’ dialogue” club.)

18. For all of his false kindness and gentleness the High Sparrow is just as bad as any of them, and When I’m not seething with anger I can appreciate how nuanced Jonathan Pryce’s performance is.

19. Wtf Ellaria and Tyene murdering Doran.

20. OMG TRYSTANE and I call Sand Snake Character Assassination here they are just SO BITCHY and without honor and the Dorneish are SO HONOR OBSESSED ugh why I hate it Also was that Myrcellas ship? Are there two bitchy Sand snakes just chilling in king’s landing now?? 

21. Tyrion and Varys among the people is kind of fascinating. Also what’s up with that Red Priest? Another who thinks the lord of light chose Dany?

22. Oh no the ships... Varys and Tyrion running TOWARD trouble says a lot about them.

23. Did the showrunners... forget Jorah would know the word Khalasar? Why would he say horde?

24. At least the Khals believe Dany is Drogo’s widow?

25. Ok so the waif is fascinating and her movements are just so... Succinct. A++ physical acting or whatever the word is.

26. Whoa that’s Melisandre without the necklace?? Cool story bro but why did she choose then to take it off? What does that tell us about her as a character or her powers? Just wanted to show some crone boobs? IDEK that was a weird ending.

6x02

1. The trailer reminds us that BRAN IS IN THIS SHOW

2. Remember this kid? He’s a Stark! He’s VERY IMPORTANT! He’s GONNA BE KING, but he wasn’t in all of season 5. He matters WE PROMISE.

3. The older generation of Starklings!!! I would be lying if I didn’t say seeing Lyanna and Brandon and Ned and Benejen And Nan and bb Hodor didn’t give me a LOT of feelings. (Also Bloodraven is the Worst Ghost of Christmas Past Ever.)

4. Cross fandom wish: I want to see Hodor, Groot, and Rocket have a conversation where everyone understands every word.

5. So... Meera and Summer have been hunting so that they all stay alive, right?? Otherwise WHAT ARE THEY EATING

6. Ok I take back what I said about them only having the Children once, but that was WEAK. “Help Bran, Meera. Because I said so and I’m a creepy magical person whose motivations are unclear”

7. YEAAAAAH WUN WUN SMASH THOSE TRAITORS. Good on you too Edd for taking charge.

8. Ugh every bar has one like that asshole talking about Cersei. And I don’t think he’s long for this world

9. I LOVE BEING RIGHT HI GREGOR

10. Why would Tommen keep Cersei away from Myrcella’s funeral. OH GODS HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HER.

11. Ugh Jaime is tired of keeping vigil over his dead family members GIVE HIM A BREAK

12. Also Jaime promising never to let Cersei be in a cell again while he’s there AAAAHHH YES 🦁 ❤️

13. There’s nothing more dangerous than a fanatic who fears nothing, Jaime. But him threatening the High Sparrow was made of sex.

14. SEVEN HELLS did Tommen just give Cersei the idea to blow up the sept

15. Dany’s council meeting in absentia is kind of neat. I was wondering how those crazy kids were doing. 

16. Lol I drink and I know things is ABOUT TYRION KNOWING ABOUT DRAGONS 🐉 I DID NOT KNOW THAT AND I LOVE IT

17. Tyrion being like “please DO NOT EAT THE ALLIES (me)” to Viserion and Rhaegal is amazing

18. Viserion is all ME TOO LET ME GO HERE’S THE CHAIN SMALL HUMAN when he shows Tyrion his neck.

19. That was a rough test Jaqen

20. Yes Ramsay please march North I dare you

21. Roose KNOWS what Ramsay is and tries to steer him out of it but I don’t think he truly understands how deep the crazy goes

22. HOLY SHIT RAMSAY JUST STABBED HIS DAD and everyone either is too scared of Ramsay to do anything about it or was in on it. LOOKING AT YOU KARSTARK ASSHOLE

23. Oh Walda you sweet trusting soul he is going to feed you and your baby to those dogs isn’t he. I DON’T like being right. Have I mentioned that?

24. Brienne recognizing Sansa’s choices were hard ❤️❤️

25. Ugh Theon talking about all the things he’s done and Sansa hugging him anyway aaaaah my soul

26. It’s hard to hear someone else say they forgive you you when you don’t think you deserve forgiveness, and he’s definitely not ready to hear it from Jon. (But he’s ready to hear it from Sansa because of what they’ve been through together? I like that explanation and I’m sticking to it.)

27. Oh right Pyke exists the show doesn’t remember that unless it’s convenient.

28. HOW DARE YOU REFERENCE THAT PINECONES LINE SHOW YOU HAVE NOT EARNED THAT

29. Ok at least Yara cares about her people and we get to see it.

30. OMG Euron? He’s the one who kills Balon?

31. ...and he’s kind of got delusions of Grandeur? “I am the drowned god” wtf sir.

32. Gotta admit Iron Islands burial customs are kinda neat

33. We get the Kingsmoot? I’m listening, show... you’re on notice but I’m listening.

34. Depressed Melisandre is depressed. Wait... has she never done the raising from the dead thing? SEVEN HELLS SHE HASN’T.

35. A pep talk from Davos might snap me out of my crisis of faith too.

36. Thoros can do this in the language of Westeros, but I guess if Valyrian works for you...

37. I love Tormund peacing out of the room with Mostly Dead Jon like “I have had enough of this south of the wall bullshit”

38. Did Melisandre reach the lord of lights answering machine and it took him a while to get back? “If you would like to leave a resurrection request for R’hllor, please press one...”

39. Ghost’s eyes open AND SO DO JON’S hey bro

6x03 this episode is called Oathbreaker ARE WE ABOUT TO GET TO SEE THE FLASHBACK TO JAIME KILLING AERYS PLZ TELL ME

1. He liiiives! Poor Jon... what did you see while you were gone I wonder?

2. Oh jeez it was nothing. At least he has the most comforting sensible person in this series to help him through.

3. I like that Jon gets to come downstairs and HUG TWO OF HIS FRIENDS and none of the nights watch or the wildlings bat an eye or seem to think less of him for it. LET MEN HUG. 

4. Oh jeez Sam’s taking Gilly and the baby to Horn Hill? Do we get to meet his mom? (No one cares about Randylll but I think we might get to meet him too?)

5. BB Sam is SO CUTE HE HAS HAIR NOW.

6. Wait is Gilly pregnant again?

7. That is the Tower of Joy and I AM NOT READY

8. HOLY SHIT HOWLAND REED KILLED ARTHUR DAYNE?

9. Sword of the morning indeed WHAT A BADASS (somewhere in my soul Jaime is waving an “Arthur Dayne Rocks” banner) there’s no way Ned could have won that fight without help and now Bran knows that??? I don’t really have anything interesting to say here I just love the idea of a kid getting to see the truth of a family story that’s radically different from what he thought he knew.

10. Past Ned HEARD BRAN? FASCINATING?

11. Oh right Dany is about to meet all of the other widows of the Khals this could be cool but knowing d and d it won’t be because it would involve treating WoC with nuance.

12. Not impressed so far.

13. So this girl Varys is meeting with is in league with the Sons of the Harpy? Good my memory is intact.

14. all this with Varys actually TRYING to take care of Meereen is fun...

15. Tyrion being like OMG I AM BORED PLZ TALK ABOUT SOMETHING to Grey Worm and Missandei is the most him thing ever. I feel you Bro. He’s a people person deep down and just wants to be friends so badly.

16. Qyburn with all of Varys’ little birds and making kids’ abusive parents disappear is PRECIOUS.

17. Don’t poke the Mountain, Jaime

18. LANNISTER MUSICAL CHAIRS PART 2 also Jaime is ON THE SMALL COUNCIL NOW??? Who gave book!Cersei three wishes??? Him actually being in her corner and working with her as a team must be like a wish come true...

19. “Grand Maester Pycelle would you sanction that starement?” 😂 Lena’s delivery of that line made me laugh so hard we had to rewind to hear the dialogue.

20. No no don’t leave the three of them together they’ll plan murder. Well, Cersei and Jaime will. Gregor will nod.

21. Tommen confronting the high sparrow fascinated me. He has some of the I WILL KILL YOU family traits on display here but it’s understandable given what his family has gone through at the high sparrows hand. I’d be threatening murder too if I were him.

22. What are you playing at mr high Sparrow? Because I don’t trust you farther than I can throw you, and I don’t even have a good arm.

23. The Hound was not on her list any more 😢 that whole scene with Arya recounting her life and learning to fight blind is NEAT.

24. Wait faceless men are immune to the poison in the water?? Cool.

25. Is that supposed to be Greatjon Umber’s son who refuses Jon? What an ass.

26. My wife adds, “THESE LOSERS are the people Sansa is supposed to be queen of?”

27. OH SHIT OSHA AND RICKON AND SHAGGYDOG HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN? (Please let Sansa Find out who did that and who helped and give them what they deserve... there’s no way anyone took down that wolf alone.) I HATE THAT WE ARE NEVER GOING TO GET CLOSURE ON THAT PROBABLY.

28. Oh shit Jon has to hang the traitors that’s gonna be hard on him.

29. At least Alliser is consistent.

30. Jon did what he had to do... just like Ned in the first ep.

31. Wait WHAT did you just hang those men and then LEAVE? Isn’t leaving just as damaging to the order as killing the lord commander? That seemed overly quick and weird but ok????

32. Guess Jon was the Oathbreaker.

6x04

1. If anyone deserved an I JUST DIED crisis, it’s Jon. Also, the vows say, “it will not end until my death...” so technically...

2. Brienne got them up to the Wall QUICK. She is nothing if not efficient.

3. Sansa and Jon are like, “so... how cool are we going to play this? NOT COOL AT ALL LETS HUG” so sweet.

4. “Where will WE go?” Yes stay together Starklings because family is important certainly don’t scatter to the four winds or anything 🙄

5. I kind of love that Sansa’s the one who insists on taking back Winterfell and is all “help me or not I’m doing it”

6. I’m Brienne of Tarth and I HAVE A LONG FUCKING MEMORY. Wait... wrong show. (She DOES, though...) 

7. Wow Petyr lying about Sansa being forced to Marry Ramsay... he’s playing the lords of the Vale like a fiddle.

8. That’s a lovely bird he got Robin. What a pretty boy.

9. Missandei staring daggers at Tyrion is Excellent Content. The “Tyrion tries to be a little more diplomatic but this involves dealing with slavers” problem is... a bit oversimplified, but at least they’re addressing it? Still not great. 

10. Jorah and Daario are off on a secret mission and I cant stop hearing the Galavant song.

11. The older widow of the Dosh Khaleen is more interesting than the show will let her be.

12. Is that Lazareen widow Dutch from Killjoys? IT IS!!!!

13. Guess what high Sparrow NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS CONVERSION STORY LEAST OF ALL ME (guess who has some issues with organized religion it’s meeeee)

14. Way to act your heart out, though, Jonathan Pryce.

15. So idk if I’ve made a big deal about this but I’m SUPER QUEER and seeing Loras broken like that made my heart stop for a second.

16. “Not setting off” fanatics, huh Pycelle? I think Cersei has other ideas 😈 🔥

17. Tommen is TALLER THAN CERSEI NOW

18. Cersei and Jaime trying to get Olenna and Kevan on their side against the High Sparrow is... smarter than I thought it was going to be when they walked into that room. They had a united front, they were clearly working together... WHAT IS THIS I LIKE IT

19. Theon looks like a ghost of himself. :( And Pyke looks all creepy.

20. Jeez Yarra go easy on your little brother his psyche still has cracks in it. I guess it’s understandable that she’s pissed given the failed rescue and the timing of his arrival. I kept just waiting for him to say “I want to be home,” when she yelled WHAT DO YOU WANT but he didn’t and that makes me sad. (Home should have been Winterfell or wherever Sansa was just saying.)

21. Oh Osha don’t try it... shit. Well, you tried

22. And Tormund’s epic crush on Brienne begiiiiiins

23. SHIT RAMSAY TELLS JON HE HAS RICKON

24. Sansa insisting on reading the rest of the letter from Ramsay is... made of steel. I’m here for her being the driving force behind this attempted rescue.

25. I didn’t realize that so many Dothraki knew about how Dany lost the baby and Drogo.

26. DID DANY JUST KILL ALL OF THE KHALS? Girl knows how to make an entrance? The optics here are sooooo problematic but she looks DAMNED impressive the plan in and of itself is sound - gets rid of the men who don’t respect her and shows herself to be indestructible in one power move...

6x05 OH NO THIS IS CALLED THE DOOR I THINK I KNOW WHAT IS COMING

1. Is it just me or are d and d writing more and more episodes themselves?

2. Sansa has had enough of Littlefinger’s bullshit. Making him face up to what HE LEFT HER TO WHEN HE MARRIED HER TO RAMSAY AND ABANDONED HER YES GOOD.

3. When he says “did he cut you” and Sansa talking about Ramsay not caring as long as she could give him an heir... does that mean what I think it does? FGM? I hate that I even wonder. (Still not sure about this, but I don’t put it past them to imply something horrific like that and then not come back to it.)

4. The more I see the waif fight, the cooler she gets.

5. Faceless men founded Braavos? Right I KNEW that.

6. Ok the play is fun... complete with sound effects. So interesting to see what people in Braavos think of everything that happened.

7. So... I would Lady Crane’s voice anywhere. Hi Phryne!

8. Oh wow look at all the CotF

9. THEY MADE THE WHITE WALKERS I did not know that and for YEARS before this season came out we had an au idea where that was true and I AM SCREAMING

10. AND THEY DID IT TO DEFEND AGAINST THE ANDALS AND WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO THE TREES

11. Yara’s speech was lovely, Theon supporting her was sweet, but Yara shouldn’t have needed a dude’s support to get that reaction from the crowd. She’s been on Pyke and being badass ALL HER LIFE. That being said, I like to think Yara would have been Queen in this version of things if Euron hadn’t showed up. What a Dick.

12. How does Euron go from wanting to marry Dany to allying with Cersei? I guess I’m about to find out.

13. Damphair knows cpr, idiot showrunners. don’t just let Euron lie there.

14. YES GET AWAY YARA AND THEON AND... a lot of the fleet? Good on them.

15. Jorah trying to leave Dany and her not letting him and commanding him to find a cure aaaahhhhh my feelings 😢

16. In the real world Tyrion would have been a great campaign manager.

17. If they wanted someone local... why get a red priestess from Volantis? Is this supposed to be the same woman? Do any of the people of Meereen even follow the faith of R’Hollor?

18. Varys having no time for the red faith’s bullshit is SO GOOD. It’s ok Varys you’re probably the most famous eunuch in the world right now. And whoop de doo a sorceress knows a story about a sorcerer it’s a small magical world don’t let her cow you.

19. ...whatcha doing, Bran???

20. Well that’s not creepy at all. Soooo many wights. Were there only... four white walkers including the night king? I’m so confused.

21. “The Umbers gave Rickon to Ramsay they can hang” YES SANSA

22. Why did she lie about getting info from Petyr? (And GOOD ON BRIENNE calling her on it)

23. Brienne calling Jon “a bit brooding” is the most hilarious thing ever. Somewhere Jaime Lannister is laughing his ass off. 

24. Yes wolfy clothes for everyone.

25. Awww Edd forgetting he’s acting lord commander is hilarious.

26. SO MANY WIGHTS DON’T DIE MIRA

27. Why are the children and the white walkers on opposite sides? Are these just about rogue CotF? EXPLAIN SHOW EXPLAIN

28. Cool visuals though... the night king walking through that fire was AWESOME.

29. Rickard LOOKS like a stark in that flashback.

30. RIP Bloodraven... glad you didn’t have to see how pointless all of this was.

31. Wait wait plain old wights can KILL THE CHILDREN? Dumb.

32. SUMMER NO I AM NOT OK WITH ANY OF THIS not Leaf either she’s a nice little tree person even if her motivations are unclear.

33. So Bran warging into Hodor in the present and in the past at the same time is what messed him up? Or something about the time folding and Bran BEING THERE?

34. That was upsetting as fuck about Hodor and I AM SAD EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WAS COMING

And... tumblr won’t let me post the whole thing. I had A LOT to say about some later episodes. Remember when I was going to keep this to three bullet points for each episode? Yeah me neither. 

#summersea got rewatch 2019 #castle not giving a shit #summersea has feels about got #not actually a rewatch

[jiminsjellybeans]

F O R B I D D E N - J I M I N / H Y D R I D X R E A D E R

*Credit to Gif Owner*

C H A P T E R 1

Rules are meant to be broken anyways....

It was nearly 12 in the morning, rain drummed on the window in a way that almost sounded like pellets being shot directly at the house. The thunder followed close by, its roar seemed to consume the small home with its deafening shrieks. The sky was stained a dark grey, it was almost ironic how much the weather complimented the scene within the house.

Sitting under the window was young Y/N, picking at her nails in concern. The words spoken by her parents were as sour as a carton of milk, left unattended to rot on its own. The stench of hatred surrounded the small home sending a reluctant shiver to dance down her spine. She was scared, she never heard her parents speak to each other like that, so loud, so unloving. The once role models to her future became nothing but scenes in a horror movie.

At this point she only wished their fighting was on T.V, so she could turn it off and not think twice about it. But this wasn't the case, doors slammed, re opened...and closed again. The stomping of their feet and banging on the walls made her wince, and made another tear pile on her pale cheek. She watched the light under her door as their angry shadows passed by.

All she wanted to hear was "I love you"...like it should've been. At times it would quiet down, giving her a warm feeling of hope that it was all over, but another slam and the carton of milk shook slightly, continuing to sit there...unattended and strengthening in smell. She thought to herself that no 10 year old should hear those words...The F word, The B word...The H word. The H word is the one she disliked most. Hate, There was not one positive thing or one positive use for this word, and she damned the person whoever made it. The word made her cringe and cover her ears...and throughout the night her hands never left them. The sound of her parent's voices became unbearable, slight betrayal hit her small heart as she got up. She quietly walked to her closet pulling out a small suitcase, putting toys and little knick-knacks safely inside. She held onto her favourite toy - Niko - who was drenched in her tears and closed her suitcase. Niko was an old desolate doll in which felt comfort around, it helped her sleep on lonely nights. She wiped the remaining tears from her face before continuing. The door creaked slightly as she pushed it slowly; she left the room unnoticed due to their deafening voices. She held back her tears with every bone in her body but gave up when salt reached her lip. Her hands trembled and her breaths were short, quietly gasping for a stream of air, only to cry it out again later. She reached the front of the house, wiping the tears that escaped, and headed for the door. Her mother's voice called for her with confusion. Quickly she reached for her raincoat before turning back to see the shadow of her parents rushing towards her. She pushed the door open and ran, grabbing her suitcase with her. The wheels of her suitcase hit the back of her heels as she ran. It dragged on the ground but she finally gained the strength to prop it on its right side.. Her feet were wet and covered in mud, feeling pebbles pinch her skin as she ran further. Something told her to turn back, but she focused on the dark obscurity around her. The harsh rain hit her fragile body, hitting off her raincoat. Its small pitter-patters eased her anger, she squinted trying to see through the fast coming raindrops that seemed to look like long streams of water instead of millions of drops. She stopped and looked around, hearing her own heart beat rapidly, but not from the running...she was lost. Fear made its way up her throat and gripped onto the tip on her tongue, allowing a whimper to leave her lips.

She regretted the idea of being a runaway, she wanted to be in her mother's arms and be read a story by her father...she wanted to go home. She tugged on her suitcase and continued to walk. Behind the rain was a flickering streetlight hiding behind a large tree. It was her only source of light, and frankly enough it gave her at least a direction to follow. The streetlight flickered once before it completely went out. All went dark again. Now again, she was hopeless. She kept walking, hearing the pebbles sink into the dirt beneath her feet. She pushed a few low branches that reached out to her from what seemed to be a jungle to her, and revealed an open area of her street. At least she knew she was still close to her house, but far enough to have time to think. She knew, a little girl like herself shouldn't be roaming around at night in a world full of dangerous souls, but at that moment she wasn't scared. In the open area there was a small crater in the middle where she could huddle and hide for a while. The little girl placed her suitcase on the wet ground and picked up a small flower. She began to pick the petals off one by one. She smiled as all the memories of her and her happy parents appeared with every petal removed. She closed her eyes and tilted her head up so the fresh rain would hit her skin. The sound of thunder made her jump; she opened her eyes seeing a streak of lightning flash across the sky. She always loved the rain, it helped ease her nerves, but what she disliked was what usually followed, the shrieks and lights that illuminated the sky. Her body tensed as another roar shook the ground. She picked up her suitcase once again and lightly threw it into the crater, where she planned on staying until the storm ended. A quiet 'oomph' came from a dark corner of the crater.  A small hand pushed her suitcase aside before moaning.

"What was that for?" A little boy groaned rubbing his head.

"I could've died"

She looked at him, taking a step back. The boy blew a strand of his black hair from his face and crossed his arms irritably. She continued to look at him in astonishment. His eyes were like of liquid honey. His gaze was soft rain on petals, the sky lightening after a storm, completely and utterly comfortable. He wore a bright red sweater that highlighted his eyes. From just his eyes, she could tell he was a hybrid of some sort. Throughout the years her town slowly rid of them so it was rare to see one, and frankly against the law to be near one. For a moment all she wanted to do was run from his sight, something which her parents strictly told her to do if she ever saw one. She was young, but not stupid, she knew fleeing would not go in her favour, he could easily grab her by her feet and drag her into the crater to her death.

His little black ears were pushed back in confusion.

"Don't you talk? ...Are you one of those mutes? Sign me something I learned stuff watching the others kids do it!" He said enthusiastically. He moved his hands showing her what he knew,

"That means grandpa...or maybe that was thank you?" He said furrowing his eyebrows, the small boy focused on the ground, thinking.

"Oh!" He said loudly, making the little girl jump. He raked his fingers through his drenched hair and it bounced back to the front of his face.

"It means thank you, see? I know my stuff" He smiled, getting up and walked towards her.

"I'm Jimin," He said extending his small hand; small scars were around his tiny fingers.

"Y/N." She said quietly, keeping her distance. Jimin looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"...So you aren't a mute? I wasted 5 minutes figuring that out" He sighed, turning on his heel and walked back to his spot.

"Shouldn't you be home, with your mommy?" He mocked. Y/N sent him a glare and folded her arms.

"I'm doing perfectly fine by myself thank you" she huffed,

"Alright jeez" He raised his arms in surrender, there was something about this boy that made her blood boil, but also feel comfortable. Jimin sat down cross-legged and picked at the ground.

"How old are you?" she asked sitting down on the floor, he moved his fingers giving her a smile. Confused, she gave him a look.

"It means 'I am 13' " He sighed; rolling his eyes and placed his hands on his knees.

"Sorry I don't speak finger language" she giggled watching his face mold in annoyance.

"It's called sign language...not finger language...and you don't speak it" He mumbled.

"How about you?" He propped himself on his knees,

"10."

"10? Wow" He got up and picked up her suitcase.

"Yeah? What about it?" she huffed back. He passed Y/N her suitcase and shrugged,

"Thought you would be older"

Silence filled the space between her and Jimin, the rain had stopped and only the droplets on the leaves fell. It slowly became awkward for her, feeling it suffocate her slowly.

"Hey!" Jimin said cheerfully, breaking the silence.

His hands were up again and his thumb went up.

"That's 10 in sign language!"

"Why do I need to know that?" she said uneasily.

"I dunno...you might need it someday" He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh really? Like when?" she said raising an eyebrow.

"You..." he started, pointing his finger at her,

"Have a lot of sass for a 10 year old...are you sure you're 10?"

"I'm sure" she replied with a small giggle.

"Alright well anyways, you might need it when...." He trailed off, thinking of a scenario.

"When you're gardening...and you need to pick 10 carrots because that's how much you love carrots...and the cashier lady is mute AND deaf so she points at the carrots and you need to tell her how many because she thinks you're stealing...THAT is when the thumb goes up and you can leave with your 10 carrots" He folded his arms proudly.

"Any objections or concerns about that scenario?"

"Well...you could also go to another cashier who I presume would be around and ask them to count them OR I can ask that said villager and ask them to tell the mute-deaf lady I have ten carrots or if worse comes to worse...instead of just putting up my thumb, I can put up all my fingers because that too, equals 10." she said with a smirk. His ears shot up in surprise.

He looked at her blankly.

"Alright smartass, don't come to me when that happens and you're stuck there with 0 carrots and an angry mob of employees following you."

"Fine" She said smiling.

"Why are you out here?" she asked him, Jimin smile faded and looked at the ground.

"I could ask you the same question" His voice became bleak and sad, she damned her curiosity knowing she shouldn't have asked.

"Parents" she sighed, crossing her legs and rested her head in her hands.

"People," Jimin added, sitting back down on the wet ground.

"They always call me a half-breed, I've never been accepted as human or part of this stupid ass town" He sighed, making drawings on the ground with his nail.

She stayed quiet, letting Jimin think to himself for a while, it was a hard topic so she let him have some privacy before speaking. The silence came back, but this time it wasn't awkward.

"I'm sorry" She whispered, shuffling closer to him.

"I really am." she placed her hand on his knee; he lifted his head and looked at her. she realized features she didn't see before, how his hair was a more of a dark chocolate than black, his eyes were sweet and innocent as they looked into hers. A small part of her found him adequately attractive but she pushed those thoughts away, she couldn't bare find him more attractive because she feared he would roam her mind and slowly drive her further into his eyes...the ones that swirled like melted chocolate. Finally noticing she was staring at him for too long, she pulled her hand away from his knee and shuffled back slightly.

She never felt the way she did when she looked into his eyes, her heart began to flutter and she began to feel nervous. She never once had a boyfriend, as it wasn't her main priority, she never had a crush or even the slightest liking to any boy in her class...but something about Jimin made her think otherwise.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" she said from a comfortable distance.

"We just met?" He said quietly.

"So? How do you think people become friends?".

"Friends?" Jimin propped himself up slightly, paying attention to what she was saying,

"Yeah, friends!"

"You wanna be friends with me?" He said curving his lips into a smile.

"Why not? We've been talking like friends" Jimin stood up and extended his hand again...just like when they met earlier.

"Friends?"

She smiled shaking his hand.

"Friends."

Her smile soon became a frown when she heard her parent's calls.

"Shoot it's my parents!" she said crouching down; Jimin placed his hand on her shoulder and called out.

"She's over here!"

She pushed him away and began panicking, her heart pounded as she picked up her suitcase.

"Why did you do that! I thought we were friends!" She said trying to run past him. He blocked her way and looked at her, instantly she looked to his eyes.

"I am your friend. And as a friend I only want the best for you" He said holding only her shoulders.

"Your parents love you, don't do this to them...talk to them and maybe things will get better. Trust me, don't lose the parents you have...consider yourself lucky that you have both" Jimin said with a small chuckle.

"Come here tomorrow after supper and we can hangout" He continued, still holding onto her shoulders.

"No promises, I'm probably going to be grounded" she giggled,

"Then I'll come everyday until I see you" Jimin said embracing her in a tight hug. He took her off guard but she finally hugged him back.

"See ya later, friend, and next time don't hit me with your suitcase, it's like you carry bricks or something." He said rolling his eyes.

"See ya, friend" she replied and with that she jogged to her parents hearing them sigh in relief, each embracing her in a hug. she turned back to where her and Jimin talked for what seemed like hours but saw no one there.

"Thank you, Jimin" she whispered to herself as she walked away from the park. With every step home she wondered if she was ever going to see her friend again.

-----

Let me know if you’d like me to continue. I hope you enjoyed :-3

xx

- V

#bts #BTS jimin #BTS jin #BTS jungkook #BTS rap monster #bts v #bts suga #bts jhope #bts fanfction #bts fluff #bts fanfic #BTS HYBRID #Imagine #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts seokjin #bts hoseok #bts taehyung #bts namjoon #bts park jimin #park jimin