#i think it entirely appropriate that this is the first kiss i have ever drawn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

djarrex · 3 years

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So I was wondering, how was rex and reader first kiss, and also the first time they’d slept together? I loved that story about how they met!! I’m genuinely curious

!!Yessssss :’)

Ok, so for anyone who hasn’t read their first meeting/first date, I’ll link it here. Previously, I had included a little bit of their first date in one of the main installments/chapters as a flashback scene during Priya’s birth and you can find that here.

Find the rest in the Post-Order 66 Rex ML

I’ll pick this up from when they’re riding in the taxi on the way to reader’s apartment (from flashback scene found in second link)

18+ only! dry humping, heavy makeout sesh, groping, non-descriptive sex, piv sex, maybe just a hint of ‘first time’ awkwardness but... y’know. overall, Rex is a caring sweetheart. about 2.9k words #Carried Away

<<<>>>

The back of Rex’s hand, the gauntlet plate, that is, lands on your bare thigh - his gloved palm upright and waiting, fingers relaxed. You can’t help your wide smile that grows upon noticing the gesture accompanied by his unsure, yet confident expression as you gladly lay your hand within his - fingers locking into place.

"Is... this okay?"

So considerate, appropriately cautious, cute.

You lock eyes with his, making it a point when your tongue barely darts out to wet your lower lip while giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. His lips curl at the corners - a little chuckle seeping through his nostrils before turning his head to watch the streaks of lights fly by outside the transparisteel. The ride isn’t very long, but it’s nearly silent. It must be late enough for the driver to have long surpassed the point of wanting to engage in light conversation, thankfully so, and the music is turned down to the lowest volume - just light pulse of a beat coming from the tiny speaker. The whir of the vessel gliding through the air lanes hums throughout the interior, along with the heavy beat of your heart in your ears. Your fingers stay intertwined with Rex’s the entire time. At one point, briefly, his thumb started to absentmindedly brush back and forth over the thick knuckle of yours, and caught himself when the the taxi slowed to halt as it pulled in front of your complex.

Rex scoots out first - extending his hand towards you and helping you out of the seat and onto the duracrete. As you lean into the taxi’s opening to toss the driver some credits, Rex watches the way you move - the way even the miniscule muscles flex underneath your form-fitting dress and with the movement of what skin is exposed. A sudden breeze catches him off guard when that familiar scent of lavender coming from your hair hits him just like it did back on the dancefloor. His own heart is pounding uncontrollably beneath the protective shell of plastoid, though he’s sure you can hear it. Your hearts mirror one another’s tonight - anxious, eager, sure, ready.

It's quiet after the taxi speeds off. It's late, and the two of you stand just outside the complex entrance in silence, facing one another and staring deep into each other's eyes. There’s a whole bunch being said, without any words actually being spoken. It’s insane the way Rex is just pulling you in without laying so much as a finger on you right now; his gravitational pull is far too strong for you to resist, not that you’re trying to resist. You want to get dragged into his orbit, burn up upon skirting through his atmosphere. That connection... it’s so noticeably there and it’s making your legs weak - weight settling in the back of your head, pushing you forward and closing the space between your faces. You know it’s affecting him just as it’s affecting you. There is no escape, though neither one of you is trying to flee.

“Is... this o-”

Rex is unable to echo his question from the taxi once the remaining space between the two of you quickly vanishes. When your lips meet his for the very first time, something just clicks - like two missing pieces from a puzzle that you didn’t even know were absent have just come together and completed it, effectively ending its drawn-out hiatus. You’re sure there are better analogies out there with deeper meaning but it’s hard to think with how wrapped up in him you’re becoming with something as simple as a ‘first kiss’. Your arms flying to wrap around his neck, Rex pulls you closer - his fingers gripping the fabric at your hips and holding you close. A heavy breath escapes from him and you take the opportunity to poke your tongue out to be immediately greeted by his own. It’s medium-paced; not desperate nor casual. The dance you share with the light clashing of teeth, the rhythm that’s set with every little movement of the muscles in your mouths - it’s just right.

When you move to break away, panting, your eyes quickly dart to the building standing tall to the right of you before they quickly return to his. An overt cue...

“Do you wan-”

...One of which Rex takes swift action.

“Yes.” Rex didn’t need for you to finish that line; he was already way ahead of you, and was somehow starting to believe you’d never ask. Any nerves of his have long since vanished, as well as any notion of sleep - other, more exciting things urging him on. He knows where he’ll be waking up in the morning, and it’s not on that bedroll in the barracks that he was practically dreaming of back at 79′s before he’d laid eyes on you. For once, the clone captain will allow himself to indulge in what this night holds.

The two of you are unable to keep your hands to yourselves during the brief ride in the lift up to your floor. Rex holds you impossibly close, hands pressed into your lower back and practically carrying your floating body through the corridors until arriving at your front door; you’d murmured the directions into his lips along the way. With your back pressed against it, your hand swings behind to blindly input the access code. After a few incorrect entries before hearing the musical awarded access, the door slides open, and your fingers wrap around the dip at the top of his cuirass - pulling him to follow you in. You make it as far as the couch, pushing him down to sit as you descend with him, your mouths staying connected in the process. Rex sinks into the cushions, and his hands begin rove your body experimentally from where you’re straddled over his armored lap. You’re melting into his touch, rocking yourself over the hardness of his codpiece, letting the curve of it rub into your clothed heat as his lips trail wet hot down your chin and jaw.

Never had you previously allowed a night like this to get as far with anyone else.

“I don’t...” Rex pauses as soon as the words leave you - lifting from your neck and meeting your eyes with a flash of concern sinking in his own. “I don’t usually do this, uh, sort of thing,” you elaborate quickly, your hands gesturing to the current situation - nervous, for some odd reason, even though your mind is very made up. His expression softens and a sweet smile creeps on his lips as he traces your own with the pad of his now bare thumb - the touch featherlight, admiring. “I just- just thought I should clear that up.” You’re not sure what it is exactly that you’re clearing up; perhaps you’re afraid that Rex thinks you’re one of those clone groupies, a woman who frequents 79′s to show her appreciation for the brave soldiers of the Republic. Or maybe that you’re someone who often fucks on the first date, just to be casted aside in the morning or the one who does the casting aside. The look he’s giving you, though, as he gazes up at you with something within his eyes that you can’t yet translate, is leading you to believe that he doesn’t put you into any of those categories - didn’t, from the very moment he’d laid eyes on you.

“Mesh’la,” he breathes against your jaw - the foreign-sounding word completely unknown to you but making you clench all the same - the shape of it forming on his lips and pressing into your tender skin. “The same goes for me. I... don’t wanna do anything that’ll scare you away.”

“And here I am thinking that I’m the one coming on too strong too fast,” you jest. Sure, it has only been a single, incomplete night of knowing him, but as silly and cliché as it sounds, it honest to Maker feels like you’ve known him forever. Normally, you’d conclude that allowing yourself to think that would more than likely end up biting you in the ass in the near future, but you truly don’t think that would be the case this time. Not with him.

“Rex...” Breaking from his lips for a breather and cradling the curve of his cheekbones within your hands, you look deep into his kind eyes, searching for the answer to the question you have yet to ask. “Have you ever...?”

“Yes, yes. It, uh, was always quick... when I did.” Rex chews his cheek - his brows pinching together in unwarranted contrition. “I’m sorry,” he sighs.

“For?”

“I don’t want you to think-”

You cut him off with the hard press of your lips to his - grinding yourself down on his lap with a little more purpose. Anything he was about to say, any inhibitions, dissolves like sugar inside your mouth. Minutes crawl by. Maybe longer, you’re unsure; too lost in this milky euphoria to give a damn about something as complex and currently unimportant as time. Your body is on fire; the heat that radiates from his flesh even from under the armor envelopes you in a different kind of warmth. You find your own hands mapping out the parts of his body that aren’t shelled by a plastoid exterior, landing on the piece that you’ve been grinding yourself on since arriving.

“Can I take this off?” Rex peers down at your hand laying over his codpiece; his perfect pout glistening, eyes darkening - the black orbs nearly swallowing the warm honey they reside in as he begins to look you over.

“Please.”

If it wasn’t already a known fact that you’d never done this with someone like him before, then the way your fingers fumble around the plastoid in a blind search for the clasp - or whatever is holding this Maker forsaken thing in place - sure as hell gives it away. Sensing your evident struggle, Rex’s hand brushes over yours and the hindrance is unfastened in an instant. You raise a brow at him, and he only grins as you lean down to kiss him again.

Rex stands - your arms and legs squeezing him as he walks you to the bed, his erection teasing with its firm press against you. Laying you down on your back, he watches as you shimmy off the rest of your clothing. His breath catches in his throat upon your removal of your bra, eyes widening and fingers drumming at his sides, and you have to urge him to unfreeze so he can finishing undressing and join you.

“I... really want this,” he informs through heavy breaths - a hint of sheepishness engrained within the gruffness - finally moving to climb on the bed between your legs after stripping nearly everything from him and stacking it all in a neat pile. “You. Really want you.” You smile - the gleam reaching your eyes - and grab his arm to pull him on top of you. He’s still wearing his under-armor bottoms, and your hand shamelessly trails down to palm at the hard bulge from above the skin-tight material.

“I want this too, Rex. You.” He groans - husky and deep - taking a few moments to relish the way your hand feels as you massage him before making quick work to remove the only thing that’s left covering his beautiful body.

It takes you by complete surprise - his extraordinary size. The way it was trapped within the compression bottoms was totally misleading. You swallow a clump of dry air - your tummy tingling and heart racing at the sight of him now completely nude and in the process of climbing back into position.

“Maker...”

You say the most prominent and immediate thought out loud, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“What? Is everything okay, is- is this okay?” Rex becomes mildly frantic, concerned - just about to climb away but you grab at his shoulder, fingers pressing into the toned, corded flesh where it curves into the base of his neck at the back.

“Yes,” you sigh - astounded. “I just... you’re, um...” Your eyes remain glued to the erect, throbbing appendage standing at attention between his legs, noting how it curves slightly upwards at the tip and is aimed at your clenching heat. “You’re big, Rex.” When your eyes flicker back up to his, his brow is raised and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Like he doesn’t already fucking know how well-endowed he is.

Shutting your eyes and sighing quietly, your face stings from the sound of your breathy voice uttering out such truism. He shifts his weight between the arms that are caging you in on either side and looks down at himself - considering.

“I - uh-”

“It’s okay,” you chuckle with a quick nod of your head as you spread your legs wider with a slight roll of your hips. Your mound briefly brushes the hot, velvety skin along his shaft when you lift your hips again. Your abdomen involuntarily tightens upon noticing the length of him hovering over you, practically marking how deep inside he’ll be. “I need you, Rex.”

You learn quickly that you needn’t repeat a thing to an esteemed captain of his merit.

He prepares you, like any true gentleman would, getting your body ready to accept him fully. Licking, touching, sucking, prodding; it’s all so exquisitely slow, intricate, surprisingly good for someone who has had little to no experience in the arena of foreplay. Thick fingers work you open in deep, pleasant strokes - his knuckles knocking into the most tender and pleasurable tissue with every pass. Rex’s lips go from attending to your breasts and trailing along nearly every inch of your skin before reuniting with your own. He inadvertently works a mild orgasm from you from his delicate tongue and purposeful touch alone - the build-up a soft crescendo until you’re moaning his name in the most breathy voice you’ve ever entertained.

You’ve never felt so safe and cared for during moments like these; now is a whole different experience than what you’d encountered in the past. You don’t have an extensive list of previous partners, but all of the ones who had made your short list were boys. Immature, needy, desperate boys. Boys who could never compare to the man who’s currently breaching you with a very gentle roll of his hips laced with all the care in the galaxy. Not to mention, his size. In that alone Rex is unmatched.

Your lips barely disconnect; the soft whimpers and moans shared between the two of you are breathed into one another and swallowed. You’ve never experienced anything so tender yet deliberate at the same time - the combination of soft meeting its opposite making your head spin and toes curling. Nails forming small crescents indenting into his skin, you hang on to Rex’s broad shoulders as he rocks into you. It’s a steady pace he sets right from the get-go and he keeps that all the way up until your second orgasm flows through you, consequently causing a hint of resistance put up by your clenching walls, affecting his length’s repeating reentry. Not much is said, but a lot is spoken through eye contact. Neither of you want this to end, but when it inevitably does, you’d want to do this again. You want to do more than this; you both want to see each other again. When he finishes, it’s the gravelly, drawn-out groan falling out of his throat that causes you to see the stars from where they’re hung outside Coruscant’s orbit as if you’re sitting directly in front of them, just an arm’s length away.

You’re cleaned up in such a meticulous and tender way that only Rex could provide. He falls to your side - taking you with him as his strong arms wrap around your torso. It’s insane; the way you fell into each other earlier this evening is comparable to fate itself. You think you’re going crazy, that you’re feeling all these things only after having known Rex for less than several hours, that you’re diving into something too hard and too quickly.

“Do you feel it, too?”

You don’t know what possessed you to ask him instead of keeping it locked up in your buzzing mind, still keyed up from the best sex you’ve ever had, but it’s out there. Unable to see his face from your position, your heart starts racing with nerves, and in the several moments of silence and lingering regret, you mentally curse at yourself for being so forward.

“Yeah,” Rex says with a soft smile evident in his tone - a huge weight being lifted from your shoulders and tossed aside. “I do.”

With that, his arms hold you just a little tighter and he places a chaste kiss on your temple. It’s not long before the sound of soft snoring fills the otherwise quiet bedroom, and minutes later you’re right there alongside him - content, fluttering heart and all.

<<<>>>

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#once again. I got Carried Away #post-order 66 rex #djarrex writes #inbox #Rex Gayiyla #captain rex x reader #captain rex x f!reader #captain rex smut #star wars fic #request(?)#request

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a-crepusculo · 3 years

Text

Running Late (Ethan x MC)

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x Dr. Marchia Bisognin (F!MC) Premise: After weeks of busy schedules, Ethan and Marchia finally had time for themselves. Rating / Category: Mature / NSFW - 18+ only Warning(s): Strong language and sexual content. Minors DNI. Word Count: ± 1520 words

A/N: I saw this video on TikTok and got inspired to write. It started out as a relatively fluffy fic... but then it took a hard left. A filthy, hard left. So, this is it, my first ever full smutty fic. Best of luck, I guess? 😬

It had been four weeks.

Roughly four agonizing weeks since they had a proper date night. Four tormenting weeks of endless paperwork, piling up in their desks, plotting to separate them behind their backs. Four torturing weeks of coming home around 1 AM; too tired to do anything other than crashing into their bed, instantly drifting off to dreamland.

But enough is enough, they decided.

After clearing up their schedules, the soon-to-be newlyweds booked a whole evening today for themselves. An evening filled with exquisite foods, fine scotch, and each other’s company.

A lovely evening to indulge in one another, like they always love.

As their dinner reservation time came close, Ethan walked into their bathroom—eyes fixated on his golden Rolex watch, observing the seconds tick by. Frankly, he was completely unaware of the magnificent view that lies ahead.

“We’re almost running late, lo—”

His feet stopped moving as soon as he saw her.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she answered while grabbing her earrings.

He took in the sight of this glorious Goddess—graciously standing right in front of him—as she flipped her long, soft, honey blonde hair; eyes meeting his through the mirror reflection. She titled her head slightly to the left, fingers skillfully inserting one earring into her pierced ear.

His black suit is in contrast to hers; subtle, yet somehow theatrical. Like night and day. Darkness and light. Moon and sun. How appropriate and fitting, he thought, because Marchia is the sun—his sun—with everything rotating and drawn into her.

“What’s going on?” she asked, her entire face glowing under the bright lights. “Are you okay?”

Words seem to have escaped his intelligent mind.

There was nothing okay about the fitted satin white dress that wrapped her body, defining her waistline with a sinful slit that ran up until the middle of her thigh. Its plunging V-neckline allowed him to see the top part of her chest, complemented by a diamond necklace, adorning her beautifully. Ethan continued to drag his gaze along her body, ultimately stopping at the black high heels that elongated her legs.

He could hold back no longer.

Slowly, but surely, he made his way to Marchia. He was focused, determinedly so, with the dark, libidinous eyes of someone who knew exactly what he wanted. When he was close enough, his arms swiftly bracketed her, earning a faint blush on her cheeks.

“If you keep staring me like that,” she murmured, almost breathless, raising one eyebrow to taunt him. “We won’t make it to our reservation.”

“Maybe we won’t.”

“And waste tonight’s looks? I don’t think so—”

Without any warning, a low growl made its way out of his throat, interrupting her train of thoughts. Before she knew what was happening, he swirled her around, leaning into her.

“Who said it’s going to waste?” he whispered roughly against her ear, making her knees quiver under him.

His greedy mouth pressed soft open-mouthed kisses on her neck. He hid his face in her hair for a minute, breathing in the floral and sweet scent of her shampoo. Mouth nipping at the bare skin of her shoulder, one of his hands left her hips, trailing down to her thigh.

“Eager, aren’t we?” she breathed, her hands pulling his jaw from her shoulders.

Ethan looked at her once more, his blue eyes filled with desire, a small smirk playing at his lips. “You could say that.”

In an instant, their lips finally met. Fiercely, passionately, without any restraints. His mouth on hers made the connection between them sang; celebrating at the marvelous feeling of them coming together as one. Nothing but pleasure and desperation enveloped around them—like it was the only thing that made sense.

His tongue danced across her mouth, sliding against her luscious bottom lip and demanding more access to her mouth. When their kisses grew insistent, his hands started wandering again; this time deeper, palms leaving behind burning trails.

“Ethan—” she gasped, her breath hitched as he brushed over her sex.

It does not take much before he merely pushes his long, dexterous middle finger into her soaked entrance—testing her wetness like he did not already knew that she was practically dripping on to the floor.

He groans approvingly, fingers thrusting in and out of her, pressing one hand down on her back to push her forward and meet her eager mouth in a harsh kiss. Her hips flew forward, a silent plea for him to continue, while she continued to bite down on her bottom lip.

“Already so wet for me, Doctor Bisognin?” their lips parted with a wet smack.

She whimpered, rather poorly, in response.

“Then, let’s get going.”

As if she was swept up in a tide, he effortlessly picked her up and carried her into their bedroom—lips locked on one another with such intensity. Settling her in their king-sized bed, he sat up on his knees, pulling off any fabric that latched on to him.

Reaching for the opening of her dress, he took his sweet time to drag down the zipper and unravel each part of her body; fingers hovering over her skin as if he could not decide where to touch first. He slipped his hand beneath her bra, pushing it off until all the fabrics pooled on the floor.

His tongue immediately sucked one of her nipples, while the other palmed her breast; thumb and index finger flicking over her pebbled nubs, tweaking and rolling at it.

Marchia, on the other hand, still have a trick up her sleeve.

Feeling his cock against her stomach—grinding and craving for her attention—she firmly grabbed the base of it. She stroked her fingers painfully slow up and down, grazing over the silky skin, as Ethan hissed at the contact.

“Fu-ck,” he huffed, dangerously close to a beg. His body shivered, causing him to realize that he was entirely at her mercy.

“Take me now,” she moaned loudly, delirious from the waves of pleasure that overtook her body.

After what felt like an eternity, he positioned himself and spreads her thigh—pushing his length inside her with a deep, precise stroke. Ethan’s hands traveled lower to grip her ass, securing her place, and inch by inch, the head of his cock entered her.

Both of them groan at the heavenly sensation; all so familiar yet also offered something new. She threw her hands to his shoulders, nails digging into his skin, leaving tiny scratches and indents on him—marking her territory.

“Does that,” she tightened her inner muscles, voice dripping with her passion for him. “Feel good, baby?”

His cock twitched inside of her, as if it was trying to answer the question for him. There were no words that could describe this; this feeling, this experience, this beautiful woman in his arms. The universe was kind enough to unite them, to set her on his path—how could he ever repay it?

They continued to move in tandem, panting heavily as the sensations continue to overflow both of them. Their connection made it easy to get lost; caught up by the prickle on their skin, burned with passion and desire for each another.

Controlling the movement of his hips, he rubbed his length against her clit; her body singing for his touch.

“Ethan,” she cried, legs threatening to give out at any moment.

“Yes,” he groaned, repeating the motion, giving him advantage to hit that delightful spot that makes her see the stars. “Say my name again.”

“Ethan.”

“Again,” he punctuated the word with a sharp thrust.

“Ethan!”

Every thrust sends tiny sparks of pleasure to her entire body, causing her to crave more and more. He was all over her, but it still was not enough. Arguably, she can never get enough of him, of this, of them—making love like there was no tomorrow.

He tangled his hand in her hair, pulling her head back towards him roughly. Marchia cried out, either at the pain or pleasure, while her chest heaved raggedly. Drawing closer and closer to the finish line, his lips moved over to the back of her neck; biting, sucking on the skin there, deliberately creating a purple mark.

“Come,” she purred into his ears, dragging him over the edge with her. “Come with me, inside me.”

Those words alone was enough to make Ethan lose his shit. Within seconds, she lets out her final orgasm—hard and fast, overwhelming and gratifying—while he came inside her. He stifles the utterly wrecked moan of her name into her hair, warmth filling within her core as he finished.

Falling back into the bed, he gathered Marchia into his arms, bodies pressed closely together. After a few minutes of regulating their breaths, he spoiled her with kisses across her face, neck and clavicle; eliciting a bright smile on her face.

“Still think we can make it to that reservation?” she said teasingly, running her fingers down his chest.

“I don’t think so, love.”

Marchia scrunched her nose before asking, “Why not?”

“Because now,” he growled, hands tugging her close, his eyes darken mischievously. “I’ve only got an appetite for you.”

Additional A/N: I’m gonna go now and hide in a cave alskjalksjlakjs

I’ll be tagging in a separate post!

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sailormoonandme · 3 years

Text

Usagi’s Evolution as a Healer Goddess

The other day I saw a post discussing the evolution of Usagi’s fuku and it occurred to me how Eternal Sailor Moon’s costume was her first Senshi uniform to ditch the tiara.

That in turn led me to consider how that kind of makes Usagi weaker as it removes a very useful weapon for her. After all, if you include the movies, Usagi uses some variant of Moon Tiara Action in practically every season prior to Stars.

However, dwelling more upon it I realized how this tiny change was all too appropriate for Usagi’s character development.

Firstly, by supplanting the Tiara with her Moon planetary symbol, Eternal Sailor Moon more closely resembles both Queen Serenity, her own Princess Serenity form and her future self as Neo-Queen Serenity.

Since all three are objectively more powerful than Usagi typically is as Sailor Moon I think the change emphasises how she has ‘levelled up’ in her Eternal form. When combined with the angel wings, Eternal Sailor Moon shifts Usagi visually closer to her future self as NQS, which in the anime is implied to be her most powerful incarnation.* It is almost as though the visual was communicating that the Divine Miracle Magic that she’d previously drawn upon as Princess Serenity in Classic-SuperS had now become ingrained in her standard Senshi form and thus was more accessible to her.

It was in thinking of her previous efforts as Princess Serenity that I inevitably recalled her duel with Metalia/Beryl in episode 46 and realized that Eternal Sailor Moon was the first time since Classic that Usagi’s default attack was a healing technique not a destructive one.

Moon Healing Escalation was Usagi’s first healing technique but until Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss (and it’s later upgrade, Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss) it was also her only healing technique.

Between regaining healing techniques and ditching her tiara/other destructive attacks/weapons, I think this represents her subtle growth in both her power and status. After all, it is a sad fact of life that it is easier to destroy something rather than fix it, thereby making the latter far more impressive.**

This skewing towards healing power rather than destructive power is also (arguably) thematically appropriate given the nature of Sailor Moon as a female power fantasy as (rightly or wrongly) the act of healing is typically coded as feminine.

We can even take this further by examining things from the ‘opposite direction’ as it were.

Consider that in the climactic final episodes of Sailor Stars, Eternal Sailor Moon’s healing technique actually fails her when used against Galaxia. In later episodes, upon adopting her Princess Serenity form (complete with larger and more obviously angelic wings), she uses a sword to duel Galaxia.

Obviously a sword is, at least predominantly, an offensive weapon and can therefore be viewed as symbolic of aggression; let’s leave any Freudian or gendered interpretations alone for today. Her use of the sword is highly uncharacteristic (in the anime). Even her explicitly offencive weapons (like the Cutie Moon Rod or Spiral Moon Heart Rod) weren’t as clearly aggressive nor obviously violent. Desperate times calling for desperate measures? Perhaps, but we might also speculate it was her subconsciously reacting to grief. Not only can grief make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, but a sword after all was a weapon wielded by her lover in his Prince Endymion incarnation. Her lover whom Usagi had just learned Galaxia had murdered. In other words, amidst her grief she reacts by going too hard in the other direction after healing her enemy proves ineffective.

However, when all is said and done the sword fails her.*** Ultimately is simply escalates the conflict by prompting Galaxia to become Chaos Galaxia and thereby make Usagi’s chances of victory all the slimmer. If we wished to stretch things, you could perhaps say that this is a commentary about how war and violence ultimately begets yet more war and violence.

Even if that is an over extrapolation though, it still served to emphasis the point that a sword is not befitting of Usagi, that she was doomed to lose if she continued to battle with destroying her enemy as the end goal.

In fact, her road to real victory begins when she not doesn’t attack Galaxia but makes it easier for herself to be attacked. In the end, Usagi doesn’t confront her most powerful enemy as the God-Queen of the future, the demi-goddess Princess of the distant past, the sailor-suited soldier of love and justice in the present, nor even a humble school girl.

She does it by literally stripping herself of all those things, of stripping herself of everything in fact.

Her weapons? Gone.

Her other items, like her Tiare? Gone.

Her comrades? Gone, and they’d be powerless against Galaxia anyway.

And finally, even her clothes? Gone!

Beyond the Silver Crystal (an outward visualization of her heart/soul) and the angel wings (symbolic of her role as a saviour) she is completely (but tastefully) naked.

Usagi visually and quite literally is more vulnerable than she’s ever been, even more so than on her first night as Sailor Moon.

And yet this is Usagi at her actual most powerful.

It is her distilled to her absolute essence as a person, all other trappings removed. She’d just one person showing another they will categorically not harm them, that they bear them no malice and they have nothing to hide. That openness and compassion is what ultimately enables her to connect to the good within Galaxia and pull her away from the darkness that had corrupted her.

Usagi in this moment completely fulfilled her character arc.

· In the Dark Kingdom arc Usagi destroys (or seals away depending upon your POV) Beryl/Metalia.

· In the Hell Tree arc, Usagi resolves the over all plot via a healing technique (although it is functionally similar to a destructive attack). However, that only happens because the Hell Tree both instructs Usagi to do that and because it lets her. It is the equivalent of a sickly doctor instructing a nurse on what to do to make them better. The nurse might have the power but their agency as a healer is limited.

· In the Black Moon arc, Usagi, with help, destroys Wiseman/Death Phantom.

· In the Death Busters arc, Usagi does save Hotaru and ‘purify’ her. However, like the Hell Tree, that was something Hotaru wanted. Additionally, her purification functioned as a way to heal the body of someone sick and who wanted to sacrifice themselves, not someone actually evil. The evil in question was Pharaoh 90 and it is presumed that Usagi destroyed him (although it might’ve been Hotaru or the pair of them together).

· Forgive me for skipping the Dead Moon Circus arc as Chibiusa is the real protagonist there, and Usagi’s role is chiefly as a rescuer. It therefore doesn’t really apply, although the Nehelenia mini-arc from Stars is a different story. There, Usagi was a healer again, but she did it with the help of her loved ones and with the aid of her Tiare device. Nevertheless, we can see by this point Usagi’s capacity as a healer heroine had been gradually growing until we get to the battle with Galaxia.

By the end of series, Usagi has successfully healed Galaxia and it is neither with the aid of her comrades, nor with the power of a weapon or device, nor with any instructions from her ‘patient’ or any other third party.

Additionally, Galaxia (unlike Hotaru) wasn’t someone’s who was saved from a noble self-sacrifice or had a physical ailment that needs to be addressed. In Galaxia’s case, her very soul had lost it’s way and become corrupted. She had lost who she was supposed to be and her purpose in life had been perverted.****

When combined with how powerful Galaxia always was, how Chaos and the Star Seeds empowered her further, Usagi’s victory here cannot be understated.

Her ‘patient’ was more powerful than all her other adversaries, was in need of more healing than her other ‘patients’ and was more resistant to being healed. Not to mention, since she’d directly murdered her beloved friends (and indirectly aborted her future daughter), Usagi would’ve been forgiven for not even trying to salvage Galaxia

And yet, with no weapons, no backup and just the power of her heart and soul basically, Usagi succeeded.

After Stars the idea that Usagi could heal the entire planet after a global catastrophe and reshape it into a fairy tale crystalline utopia was all too believable.

What’s healing one planet when her ability to empathise had already healed a whole galaxy?

Who needs a tiara to reduce evil to dust when you can simply convince evil to be good?

*This is arguably symbolized by baby Hotaru’s vision of NQS transforming into Eternal Sailor Moon in episode 1 of Stars.

In fact, we might argue that a low-key subplot running through all of Stars (both the Nehelenia and Galaxia portions of it) is gradually transitioning Usagi closer to the person she is destined to become as Neo-Queen Serenity, hence why the first episode features the most explicit reference to her fate as Queen since R.

**Personally I am an atheist, but nevertheless I and others like me can grasp why deities in most major religions through history weren’t simply capable of mass scale destruction, but also of essentially manipulating reality to create things too.

By that same token, it’s little surprise that perhaps the widest spread religious figure in history was Jesus Christ who rarely (if ever) engaged in aggression or destructive acts, predominantly employing divine healing powers.

I suspect the attraction of such figures to human beings lies in the fact that on some level we know that, given the right time and resources, we mere mortals would be capable of destroying anything. Given time it’s all but certain we will develop the technology to even destroy planetary bodies. On the flipside, I think we also intuitively grasp that reversing such damage, of reattaching a limb, of stanching bleeding, etc, is far more difficult if not impossible. Hence we attributed the ability to do such things to larger than life Divine Entities.

*** Now that I think of it, it’s also poignant that Usagi tries and fails to defeat Galaxia with a sword when we take Sailor Uranus into consideration.

Uranus is of course associated with her weapon, the Space Sword and, like Usagi, tried and failed to use such a weapon against Galaxia.

Giving Uranus a sword is symbolically appropriate given her role as the leader of the more aggressive branch of the Sailor Team. Having her fail against Galaxia and Usagi consequently fail by in some way ‘mimicking her tactics’ is equally symbolically appropriate. Not only because of their ideological conflict in Sailor Moon S but also their tensions in Sailor Stars itself. In both situations Usagi’s more open, less aggressive, ideology was ultimately proven correct.

Thus in using a sword against Galaxia it represented how Usagi was always doomed to fail by taking the aggressive/destructive route and how she was arguably not being true to herself in that moment.

****It’s not to dissimilar to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker now that I think about it.

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theskywaslookingback · 3 years

Text

[AO3]

“Why do you even have that?”

Sasha looks up from her laptop to give Jon a quizzical look. They’ve been deep in a research hole for hours now, Jon with his files spread out before him like a buffet and Sasha picking her way through line after line of code to access things that she really shouldn’t be able to access - although, the government should have better security if it didn’t want to get hacked so she tried not to feel too badly about it. Jon’s not looking at his files now though, his gaze appears to be drawn to her shoe-box sized kitchen.

“Why do I have what?” She asks, “A kitchen?”

“No, the--” He flicks his fingers in a vague gesture to the counter, and his eyebrows pull together in a fetching little wrinkle that Sasha desperately wants to smooth away with her thumb, “the absolutely massive thing you have taking up half your kitchen.”

“Oh!” Sasha says, and then starts to laugh.

The stand mixer is large, honestly, too big to store in the meagre storage space of her cabinets and taking up half the countertop next to the stove. It’s also a garish bright red, loud against the backdrop of beige walls and a white lino countertop. She wonders why on earth Jon’s bringing this up now, they’ve been working for hours now and this certainly isn’t the first time he’s visited her flat, and decides the answer to simply be that ‘it’s Jon, he’s probably just never noticed.’

He’s fully scowling at her now, in a way she knows is defensive. He probably thinks she’s making fun of him. He can be so sensitive. “Sorry,” She says when she stops laughing long enough to speak, “I think you just caught me off guard. It was cute.”

“Cute?” Jon starts to sputter, the tips of his ears darkening and his nose wrinkling.

He is cute, Sasha thinks.

She waves it off. “It was a wedding present. That’s one of the big ones, I think, for most people. First thing I added to the registry.”

Jon couldn’t look more blind-sided if he’d been hit by a lorry. He even drops his pen, staring at her with wide eyes. “You’re married?”

Sasha snorts. “Don’t be daft. Does it look like I’m living with someone?”

Jon looks around anyway like he’s looking for evidence. “Divorced?”

“Nope.” She says, popping the ‘p’ with extra emphasis and grinning at the helpless confusion radiating from her friend.

“Then--” Jon trails off. He looks at the stand mixer again, like maybe it holds the answers he’s seeking. He looks back at her, and then down at his files. Suddenly his head jerks up and he says, “Wait, have you ever even been engaged?” He says this so seriously it tugs at Sasha’s heart. His eyes narrow like he’s caught her in some kind of trap, as though that wasn’t what she was expecting.

Sasha grins. “No.”

Jon looks at her incredulously, like he’s fitting together a bunch of puzzle pieces in his mind. It’s fun. Jon is so fun. “Sasha, did you fake an engagement just to get a stand mixer?”

“Yes!” Sasha slams her laptop shut and points at Jon, “But do not tell my great aunt that, do you understand? It took me years of work to get that stand mixer, Jon!”

Jon stares at her silently for just a moment, absolutely bewildered, before he dissolves into laughter, curling in on himself and digging his fingers into his sides. It shakes his shoulders and Sasha swears there’s tears in his eyes and before she knows it she’s laughing too, hard enough it hurts her chest and blurs her vision. To an outside viewer they must look positively loony. It takes ages for them to stop and gather themselves back together. Jon takes off his glasses to wipe tears away from his eyes while Sasha rubs at her face and tries to stop the giggles that keep bubbling up when she looks at Jon.

“God,” Jon says at last, “I haven’t laughed like that in--” he clears his throat, “anyway.”

“Yes,” Sasha agrees, “anyway.”

She looks at the clock and is both shocked and completely unsurprised that it’s after midnight.

Jon must follow her gaze because she hears him utter a quiet, “good lord.”

She’s dangerously close to laughing again.

Jon starts to shuffle his files away back into their folders. “Later than I thought.” He says.

Sasha hums in agreement, putting her laptop away and sorting her notes into neat piles. “No use trying to get home this late, you might as well just stay the night.”

“Ah,” Jon’s nose does that cute wrinkle thing again, and Sasha’s lips twitch, “that’s quite alright. I’m sure I can just find a cab.”

“Could do,” Sasha agrees, “but it’d be easier if you stayed. I’ve got an extra toothbrush and everything. Plus, tomorrow is Saturday so it’s not like we have to rush back to work or anything.”

Jon’s got all his things put back in his messenger bag, a solid olive green canvas affair that Sasha privately thinks is dreadful looking. “Wouldn’t want to spoil your weekend. I’m sure you have plans.” He’s stalling, looking for a reason not to go. Sasha wishes he’d just tell her what he wants.

She smiles, because Jon isn’t easy but she knows him and she likes him anyway, “Well, I was going to put that stand mixer to work and make myself some bread. But other than that--” She shrugs.

Jon’s eyes go once more to that bright red piece of kitchen equipment. “You make your own bread?”

“Sure. It’s cheaper and it tastes better.”

Jon makes a thoughtful noise. “Well, I suppose… that is, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Lovely,” Sasha beams, and then adds slyly, “I’ve even got some of Tim’s things you can sleep in.”

Jon goes properly red at that and buries his face in his hands with a groan.

Sasha busies herself with getting her ingredients together while Jon wakes up. Before they’d become friends she’d always just kind of assumed he’d be a morning person. He had that air about him at work, sharp and alert even when she was still trying to get her head on. The truth is that while Jon has difficulties getting to sleep, he would happily sleep until mid-afternoon if she let him, so she makes sure to wake him at a decent hour and then goes back to check and make sure he hasn’t fallen back asleep. Since her flat is basically a glorified closet, and Jon sleeps on the sofa, this is not a hard task to keep an eye on.

It takes a good twenty minutes before Jon comes and sits himself down at what she generously calls a kitchen table. His hair hangs in curls around his shoulders and he impatiently pushes a hand through it where it covers his face. He’s still sleepy-eyed, the sleeves of Tim’s jumper she’d let him borrow pooling around his hands.

“Good morning.” She says with amusement.

He grunts, flopping into a rickety chair. “Coffee?” He asks.

“All out. Tea alright?”

He nods.

“Great. Kettle is over there.” She gestures vaguely to the area next to the fridge, “Tea is top cabinet.”

Jon sighs, like it’s a great effort for him to make his own tea, but offers no further complaint as he retrieves the kettle and fills it with water.

With Jon out of the way Sasha appropriates the table for more space to set out her scale and bowls. She won’t need anything too fancy today so it doesn’t take long to get set up. She hears the kettle and turns around just in time to see Jon half-way climbing onto the counter. “Jon!” She scolds, similar to the way she would her cat when she was a child.

He freezes and gives her a sheepish grin. “You said top cabinet.”

She did, and she hadn’t thought about the almost foot of height she had on Jon. She snorts and waves him down. “Grab the mugs, I’ll get the tea then.”

He grumbles something about doing it himself but obliges, plucking two mugs from the drying rack.

“Green tea alright?”

Jon makes a dismissive noise. “Black?”

“Out.”

“I’m taking you shopping after this, Sasha James, this is downright unacceptable.”

“Yeah, sure.”

She hands him the box of tea bags and he rolls his eyes at her, muttering as he fills their mugs with water.

“Do you at least have milk?”

“Yes.”

“Thank god.”

Sasha rolls her eyes and gets back to her scale, weighing out her dry ingredients.

“Why are you doing it like that?”

“By weight?”

Jon hums.

“It’s more accurate by weight than by volume, typically.”

“You can’t just, I don’t know, eye-ball it?”

“Jonathan Sims have you ever baked anything in your entire life?”

She takes the jerky shrug he gives in response as a no. She shakes her head and dumps her flour and yeast into the mixing bowl of her stand mixer. Jon hovers there at her shoulder, watching, so close she can almost feel his breath.

It gives her a wicked idea.

She reaches a hand up, like she’s checking something, and then flicks the mixer on high.

Flour explodes from the mixing bowl in a cloud of white, covering her and Jon and the countertop.

The little shriek Jon gives will stay with her for a very long time.

“Why?” He asks, mouth agape and positively covered in flour.

“Because I knew it would be funny.” Sasha says, laughing. There’s flour in her hair, and she’ll definitely need to wash her clothes, but the look in Jon’s wide eyes and the slowly blooming smile on his face is worth it.

It takes less time than she thinks to get everything clean again, and the second time she even allows Jon to help her measure ingredients and start the mixer. He’s very serious about the whole thing, watching the scale with a grim kind of determination like it would mean death if he added just a bit too much yeast to the dough, but it’s the most fun Sasha’s had in forever. By the end of the day she has enough bread to wrap a loaf up for Jon to take home, and he looks at her like she’s just given him the greatest gift he’s ever received.

“Same time next week?” She asks as she wraps his scarf around his neck.

“I suppose.” He says, ducking his head to avoid the kiss she tries to plant on his cheek. “If you’re amenable.”

“I’m amenable.” She says, and kisses the top of his head anyway.

Sasha watches him leave and Jon turns back at the end of the hallway to wave, before disappearing into the stairwell. She laughs, bright and happy, and closes the door.

#fic #my fic #jonathan sims #sasha james #days before; unwinding

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luzarya · 3 years

Text

The Broken Sketchbook Reveals Yuu's (Not-so Biggest) Secret

Twst x Yuu

[Where Yuu is (accidentally) a crossdresser and likes to draw wlw things. ]

Summary: Grim is curious as to what were the contents of Yuu's sketchbook, employing Ace's and Deuce's help. The contents reveal a secret that Yuu wasn't even trying to hide.

[or, Yuu is in a glass closet.]

ao3 link: here

warnings: none

word count: 1,574

----

Grim pawed at the sketchbook at him. It was a rather ordinary sketchbook, plain black with a plastic covering. Yet, for being so ordinary, the sketchbook had a single lock on it. It was clear that it was makeshift, straps sturdily glued on, the lock being small and requiring a numeral passkey to unlock it.

Grim had thought about using his flames to melt the glue, but decided against it- he knew how much Yuu was particular about their sketchbooks.

Grim looked around the Ramshackle dorm- it was after school hours, and Yuu was working a shift at the lounge. As usual, he had seen Yuu carry a sketchbook, one with a similar makeshift straps and a lock, although it had a sticker of a bunny on it. The sketchbook he held in his paws had no distinction, save for letters that spelt out words in a foreign language. What the words meant, he didn’t know.

But it was a curious item, one that practically begged to be open and exposed for all the world to see.

“Oh!”

Coming up with an idea, Grim grabbed the item with his mouth, running off outside.

“Eh? I don’t know how to take this off.”

“You didn’t even try!”

Grim pouted, the flames in his ears shifting a bit too unpredictable for Deuce’s tastes.

“It’s just a sketchbook, and it’s obvious that Yuu doesn’t want us looking through their things.” Deuce replied, flipping the book around. He took a look at the words written in bright silver, raising a brow.

“Is this… a foreign language?”

Grim shrugged, “Heck if I know… oh wait,” he paused, “I think I’ve heard Yuu say things that I didn’t understand.”

“Like what?”

“Never paid attention.”

Deuce only sighed, and gave back the sketchbook to Grim. “Well, either way, you should really return this,” he glanced to the side, “I’ll go back to playing basketball. Later, Grim.”

Deuce ran off, the sound of squeaking sneakers being the last thing Grim heard.

“Oh, Yuu’s sketchbook?”

“Yep!”

Ace picked up the book, giving it a curious glance over. “Huh.”

“Can ya open it?”

“Maybe. I might need a knife though.”

“Where would I get a knife?”

“The kitchen? Track is almost over, and Yuu doesn’t come back until late night right? We can just use one of your knives.”

“But it’ll be obvious!”

Ace sighed, “Do you want to know what Yuu draws or not?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Then I’ll meet you back at Ramshackle!”

Grim had a bad feeling about this. The last time he tried to open up one of Yuu’s sketchbooks, he was met with a rather angry Yuu, who, calmly (yet frighteningly) spoke to him.

Grim quietly hoped that all would go well.

“Here ya go.”

Grim gave Ace the knife- it was a butter knife, but it would do the job just fine. Ace thanked the creature, and began to break the glue. He went in and up and down motion, the knife grinding against the mold of glue. It took a while, but he was making progress.

After a minute of doing so, the glue relented and gave away. No loner was the strap glued down, the sketchbook now open to be viewed.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Deuce quietly said. It was an invasion of privacy, but he too, was curious as to the contents of the sketchbook. Why did Yuu put a lock on it?

The first page had Yuu’s number and the location the book should be brought to- something of which was inscribed on the back of the book. Odd. Ace flipped the page- blank. Another page. Blank.

“What the heck…?”

He flipped to the next two pages, and finally, there was something.

It was a naked woman.

“Eh?!” Deuce stared at the drawing, his cheeks reddening.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the drawing, just a woman tying up her hair, sitting, a hairband in their mouth. The woman was glancing downwards, her arms up and hands hiding in hair. It was a rather simple drawing, although it was obvious that there was more work done on the hair and arms than the woman’s face or their body.

Why Yuu had drawn this, they didn’t know.

Ace flipped to the next page, and this time it was of two women kissing each other lovingly. Unlike the last drawing, these women adorned what looked like traditional dress (from where, no one knew), one of the women holding a bouquet of violets.

“Well, this is most certainly something.” Ace didn’t know what to make of the drawings. Deuce’s face was still red, and likely will remain red for the next few minutes.

Ace flipped to the next page, took a good look for one second, then closed the sketchbook. It was… rather explicit to say the least.

“I see why Yuu had it locked it…”

“Told you guys it was a bad idea…”

Ace slightly opened up the book, going to a random page, fully opening it once he knew it was appropriate.

It was a rather detailed drawing, more so than the last. It looked like a self portrait, although heavily stylized in a cartoony way, as instead of what one would consider what would be a normal skin tone- it was a pastel blue. The lashes were large, the wings too big to be humane. Their outfit was something they had never seen before, in an unknown aesthetic from old times, in a neon blue, but darker. In fact, the entire drawing was in blue, with multiple shades of blue in every way possible- metallic, textured and partnered, dull and tainted.

“Well, this is certainly different from the others.” Ace couldn’t quite believe that this was drawn by the same person, although he did identify some trademark traits- Yuu often drew the noses with a triangle if it was stylized, more realistic if… well, realistic.

“What in the world is y’all doing?”

Everyone turned around to see Yuu standing right behind them. They could see one of their eyes gleaming, the three sensing danger from Yuu.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Deuce squeaked out- this was the first time he ever felt fear towards the Ramshackle prefect.

“Is that so?” Yuu drawled out, eyeing the sketchbook in Ace’s hand, “pray tell, then why is my usually locked sketchbook open?”

“The lock broke!” Ace lied, his voice high.

“Really?” Yuu glanced at the knife, then back to Ace, “Then why do you have a butter knife?”

“We broke it! I wanted to see what was inside!” Grim yelled, giving his best attempt at a bow. Yuu’s facial expression softened, but as soon as it did, it returned to its original expression.

“Is that so?” Their voice was quiet, picking up their sketchbook. They let out a small sigh, yet their demeanor didn’t change- Ace and Deuce could still taste the tension in the air.

“Sorry...” Deuce apologized, although it came out weak.

“If you were curious, you could’ve asked,” Yuu looked at the damage, “I had more appropriate drawings elsewhere. I keep them locked for an obvious reason, you idiots.”

They took their sketchbook, and the broken lock, away. Their items were neatly laid on the table, including their other sketchbook that they had taken to work.

“Maybe we can ask Yuu about that one then?” Grim suggested.

“Sure.”

Deuce nearly jumped at the voice, not having expected Yuu to be so quick in returning. Ace noticed this, and laughed.

“Pfft, you should see your face, dude.”

“Oh, shut up! As if you weren’t scared earlier!”

“I wasn’t the only one!”

“Enough,” Yuu walked over, their voice effectively stopping the two from yelling at one another. The teenagers huffed, but they remained silent.

Yuu picked up their work sketchbook, inputting the numbers to unlock it. Now open, it revealed a number of doodles, some detailed, some rather simple. Notes were written, reminders for the future, and numbers to remember.

“So….” Ace spoke up, “What’s the deal with the naked ladies?

“...”

“Yuu?”

“I’m… a lesbian…”

“Wait what-”

“You’re a girl?!” Deuce looked at Yuu with wide eyes.

“Yes? I thought it was obvious?” Yuu returned the same look at Deuce.

“It wasn’t obvious! You never said anything!”

“I never thought I had too???”

“Y’know, this explains why Deuce never acted nervous before,” Ace quietly commented to Grim, watching the scene unfold.

Grim nodded, “I thought it was pretty obvious that Yuu was a girl.”

“I need.. To process this information…” Deuce got up, and walked out of Ramshackle Dorm, leaving a very puzzled Yuu and a calm Ace and Grim. Yuu let out another heavy sigh.

The tension was thick and heavy. In an attempt to lift the air, Ace spoke up.

“So. Girls?”

Ace looked at Yuu’s facial expression. Their puzzled expression melted to a softer one, one with a smile, replying, “Girls.”

Ace raises his hand, making a sort of fist. Yuu raised a brow, but raised a fist of her own. Ace smiled, Grim watching as Ace fist-bumped Yuu.

“Girls.”

…

...

Meanwhile, outside, Deuce was walking in a circle, wrapping his head around the thought that Yuu was a girl.

“Why am I so stupid?!” He cursed at himself.

“Eh, you didn’t know?”

Deuce turned his head, his eyes locking with those of Jack’s confused eyes. It took him a moment to process Jack’s words.

“You too?!”

#twst x yuu #twisted wonderland #luzarya writes things yuh #crossdressing yuu #yuu is lowkey wlw #twst fanfic

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tsumtsumland · 3 years

Text

“I Want You”| Kuroo Tetsuro x Reader

genre: smut, a smidgen of angst

wc: 2.3k

warnings: mxf sex, unprotected sex, all the smut *shrug*

He had his eyes on you from the moment you walked into the club earlier tonight. Kuroo rarely felt anything anymore, he was mostly detached from most people and things, it wasn’t his world anymore…without you.

He was more than a little surprised to say the least when the hairs on the back of his neck rose and forced him to turn around as you walked into the building. Seeing you shocked him to the core and brought back feelings he never thought he’d experience again, and it made him angry.

The feeling of being inexplicably drawn to someone is what got him into trouble in the first place. Though it didn’t matter anymore, he was inevitably stuck here. He had a lot of questions, but after seeing the way you looked at him, and hearing your thoughts, he came to some realizations of his own.

You no longer knew him, he was aware of this but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth to have it confirmed so he stayed away, watching as you got drunker and drunker by yourself.

He`d noticed another man making his way to you and decided to step in anyway, unable to stand the thought of anyone else touching you. You were his once before, he had told you that you’d always be his, even if you couldn’t remember it. He meant it.

You release your bottom lip from between your teeth, leaving it bruised and plump. Your tongue sticks out to run over the abused skin and you watch as the man’s eyes follow the motions of your appendage.

“I can help you with that,” he mutters, and you aren’t sure when he even got that close but you don’t have the time to think as his lips collide with yours in a heated kiss.

Your hands instantly went to his hair, you’d thought about running your fingers through it since the moment you saw him and you weren’t about to pass up the opportunity now. It was soft and silky despite the way it looked, and the thought of messing it up more made you feel even hotter. His hands were on your hips now, and you were already sitting so close on separate barstools that it took him very little effort to shift you onto his lap.

His kisses were intoxicating and made you feel dizzy. His tongue coaxes your lips open for him and soon there is a battle for dominance between the both of you. You aren`t sure how no one had reprimanded you two for public indecency yet but you didn’t even care. You were too caught up in his unique taste and scent. Rich and malty with a sweet aftertaste, expensive aged whiskey, blended with the smell of a smoky, warm, woodsy smell, a dangerous mixture that felt achingly familiar to you. Almost like you’d experienced it before.

You ignore the tugging in your chest and focus on the fire that spread through the rest of you with every touch of his fingers, as they move from your hips up your sides and back down. You shift yourself a little on his lap and pull back from the kiss with a grin when you heard him practically hiss and clamp down on your sides.

You take a quick glance at your surroundings and noticed that it was dark enough, and everyone in close range was either drunk or occupied. You looked back at him and saw the desire clouding his eyes, you knew he was trying hard to stay in control from the bruising grip he had on your hips. You shifted again in his lap feeling his erection painfully hard, and angled yourself so that you were straddling him, before reattaching your lips to his.

Your hands move down his chest and abs before making it to his belt buckle and swiftly undoing it and unbuttoning his pants. You kept the kiss going whilst sliding his zipper down and slipping your hand inside his boxers gripping his cock.

In the same motion, he bites down on your lip and the tangy, coppery taste of blood invades your mouth. He licks at the spot quickly and it ceases. Your hand proceeds to tease him and move slowly over his cock in your palm. You could finish him off right there, and something about the thrill of getting caught makes you want him even more, but after a minute or two, one of his hands comes down over yours and halts your movement.

You pull back from the kiss and look at him questioningly. Isn’t this what he wanted? He didn’t seem like the one to be shy.

“Not here,” he told you, his voice huskier than before.

He quickly fixes his clothes and drags you after him down a long hallway at the side of the bar that you didn’t notice before. Your heart is beating a mile a minute and your body still feels hot everywhere. This is the most reckless thing you’ve ever done in your life. The entire night, now that you think about it, was completely out of the ordinary for you. You push all those thoughts aside, because you want him. You were certain that you never wanted anyone as much as you wanted him right then.

You think about asking his name, but you’re not sure if that would be appropriate or not given the circumstances.

“It’s Tetsurou,” you hear him say.

Did you say that out loud? You didn’t think you did, but the thoughts quickly fly from your mind when he pulls you into a bathroom at the end of the hall. He wastes no time in pushing you against the door and claiming your lips again when he slams it shut.

All coherent thoughts disappear from your brain and all you can think about is him again, all-consuming and addictive. His lips travel from your lips to your jaw and down your neck. You can’t help the sounds that escape your mouth when he nips and sucks on a particular spot near your pulse. Your hands find purchase on his shoulders before trailing down his chest, making their way back down to his buckle but he stops you again.

“Not yet,” his voice is stern, and it makes you press your legs together, yearning for some kind of friction.

He moves his hands down to the back of your thighs and coaxes them around his hips, lifting you completely off the ground. You didn’t even notice him moving with you until you’re sitting on something and you realize it’s the sink countertop. He leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses on your jaw and neck that have you arching your back and pulling him closer with your legs.

“W-won’t someone see?” you question, only slightly concerned about being caught.

“There’s no one here.”

The finality in his tone leaves no room for argument and you can’t suppress a moan when his hand reaches under your short dress and grazes across your heat.

He gives you that sinful smirk again and caresses your legs and thighs, deliberately avoiding where you wanted him to touch so badly.

Fucking tease.

Kuroo has to bite his lip to hold back a laugh at your thoughts, you were still feisty, that was good to know. He loved to tease you though, and that wasn’t going to change now. He kept his eyes trained on yours and swiftly moved your underwear to the side, pressing a finger into you.

You gasp in both pleasure and slight discomfort at his bold move. He keeps his finger still, allowing you to adjust before moving it, and the feeling has your eyes rolling back in your head. If he could do this to you with just his fingers you could only imagine what he could do with…other things.

He added another finger scissoring them into you, loosening you up. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d done this but the feeling had you spiraling out of your mind. More, you needed more. You cry out in pleasure when his fingers hit a particular spot inside you that has you seeing stars and sinking your nails into the fabric covering his shoulders. His fingers continue their ministrations and his mouth makes its way to your neck once more, biting and sucking into the tender flesh, marking you.

Suddenly he removes his hand, leaving you breathing heavily and looking him questioningly. He gives you a roguish grin before pulling you to the edge of the counter and getting down on his knees. Your eyes widened momentarily when you realized what he was about to do, but before you could utter a word you found your legs thrown over his shoulders, and his hands spreading your thighs and keeping them apart. His tongue is kitten licking between your folds, teasingly of course, until he zeroes in on your clit. You nearly scream as he takes your bud into his mouth, sucking and licking like he knew your body better than you did. Your hands grip onto the edge of the counter and your head is thrown back in pleasure. The hazy red lighting in the room, coupled with the muffled music vibrating through the walls makes the experience all the more sensual. Your moans become louder when he sinks two fingers back into you and all it takes is a couple more flicks of his wrist and you’re coming completely undone on his tongue.

Hearing you scream his name stirs a pit of desire in Kuroo’s stomach that he’s all too familiar with, a feeling he hadn’t had in quite some time. He continues licking at your folds as your ride out your orgasm. When your high subsides, he looks down at your dishevelled state slumped back against the mirror. You`re breathing heavily, and still shaking slightly, and he can’t help himself but stand up and brush your sticky, wet hair off your forehead while licking your essence off his lips. You look up at him, eyes still clouded with lust and a little out of focus from the mind-blowing orgasm, and it shocks you a little to see the tenderness in his gaze. It almost feels like this is more than a sloppy hook-up in a dingy, club bathroom.

“You’re still so gorgeous,” he whispers tightly, and you swear you see a flash of pain in those sharp golden eyes of his. Before you could think more of it though, he yanks your underwear off and enters you with a swift thrust that has your back arching and a scream leaving your throat as your grip shifts from the countertop to his broad shoulders to hold yourself upright. Your fingers grasp at the collar of his shirt and pull him down to slam your lips onto his. The kiss is sloppy and rough. He waits until he feels you clench deliciously around his length before pulling back and thrusting back into you to the hilt.

The pace he sets not long after is brutal, but you revel in it. This is what you needed. His hands are creating more bruises on your hips with their vice grip as he pounds into you relentlessly. You can feel the tip of his cock hitting your cervix with every thrust, and the slight twinge of pain sends you feral. Your moans alternate between screams and urges for him to go harder and faster, which he complies to every time. You’re not sure a man has ever fucked you this good before.

“And no one ever will,” he growls into your ear.

Your brain is a pile of mush, you don’t even realize what he’s said. All you know is how complete you feel with his cock buried deep inside you, and how you want more. Your fingers tangle themselves in his hair again, and it’s then you notice his shirt is halfway of his shoulders and the top few buttons are gone, ripped right off. Did you do that? You can’t even remember.

“T-Tetsu, more,” you stammer out.

He stills for a moment when you say his name, he hasn’t heard it in so long. Then he’s hiking one of your legs higher around his waist, giving him an even deeper reach that has you screaming. You’re so close. All it takes is a few more thrusts with pinpoint accuracy at that spot inside you and you’re unravelling before his eyes again. You come screaming out his name and it pushes him right over the edge with you. You feel his warmth fill you, and the sensation is addictive, you clench around him, milking him for all he’s worth as he groans into the spot between your neck and collarbone.

He holds you gently against his sweaty chest as you both ride out your orgasms. When the white noise fades, you’re greeted with the erratic beating of his heart, and you feel an odd sense of warmth and comfort wash over you. You feel his lips kissing the top of your head, and you find that such an intimate thing to do for someone you just hooked up with in a club bathroom, but nothing about this entire encounter seems normal at all.

Kuroo readjusts his clothes with mechanic quickness, then grabs some tissues from the cannister by the sink and wets them before cleaning you up carefully, and fixing your clothes back into place. You watch him silently as he does all of this, and there are several questions racing through your mind that you just want to blurt out, but the one that’s most confusing is, why does he seem so familiar?

You two make your way back out into the hallway, and even though the music is still blasting, the silence between you is deafening. You want to talk, but you’re realizing this was literally just a hook up and now that it was over, he wanting nothing more. You swallow the growing lump in your throat and steel your resolve to just drink the rest of your night away, and enjoy it like you came to do.

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sankyeom · 4 years

Text

he loves me, he loves me not | c.sb

pairings: choi soobin x reader, some choi yeonjun x reader genre: college!txt, best friend!soobin, best friends to lovers trope, reader is pretty blind to soobin’s obvious feelings for her, you’re going to be team soobin 100% of the time summary: in which your best friend soobin tries to help you get your mutual friend yeonjun to like you back, despite the fact that he’s in love with you word count: 9.9k i got really carried away oops requested: by anon 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

You can still remember the first time Soobin introduced you to Yeonjun. During your and Soobin’s first year of college, Yeonjun and Soobin had met in their dance class and immediately clicked. Yeonjun had been a sophomore at the time; he was a year older than you and Soobin, and the dictionary definition of perfect. You were convinced that if you opened any dictionary to the word, a picture of Yeonjun’s handsome face, thick lips, and bright eyes would appear on the page. Topped off with the sweetest smile in the whole wide world, and a gorgeous everything, you were instantly infatuated with Soobin’s new friend.

Soobin had been surprised when you and Yeonjun hit it off so well instantly; you often took time to really befriend people apart from Soobin, but you and Yeonjun shared a similar sense of humour and enjoyed being loud and boisterous the point that Soobin felt second-hand embarrassed around the two of you. And yet something about the way you gazed at Yeonjun had made this experience of his two closest friends getting along bittersweet.

You liked Yeonjun. The same way you liked Park Seonghwa in high school, when Soobin would have to watch you stare at the older boy during lunchtime when you were supposed to be finishing your math homework.

Since Soobin had observed your behaviour when you had a crush many times before – having been your best friend in the whole wide world since preschool – he could tell the signs easily. Even two years after knowing Yeonjun, your eyes still lit up with excitement every time you saw him. Your gaze would be glued to the older boy the whole time he was around, paying careful attention to his expression and hanging on to every word that came out of his mouth. Soobin could see you smiling at Yeonjun any time you thought nobody was looking at you; you would smile at him as if you were seeing an angel for the first time and you wanted to capture the image in your mind forever.

It made Soobin’s chest ache.

After so many years of friendship, Soobin had always thought that his crush on you would go away. Surely the fact that you were the only person he ever had romantic feelings for should have ended in high school at the latest. But it had been eight years since he started liking you – his very first crush – and he hadn’t liked anyone else since. And even though Soobin knew that he wasn’t the one you liked, it didn’t stop his affection for you from growing. Every time you gave Soobin your attention, his heart sped up a little bit; he had to actively work to make sure he didn’t blush when the two of you made eye contact.

He was ridiculously, stupidly, exceptionally and completely in love with you.

But you liked Yeonjun.

Why wouldn’t you like Yeonjun? He was a senior, the highest ranked dance student at the college, and he had an effortless charm about him that everyone around him was drawn too. Soobin was drawn to him too. This was why the two of them had become friends. Yeonjun was undoubtably handsome and charismatic, and because he and Soobin were such good friends, Soobin could understand why you liked Yeonjun so much.

It didn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“You have to help me,” you had said with a pout, facing Soobin with puppy-dog eyes and a desperate expression. You and Soobin had been at a party thrown by one of the fraternities at your college for over two hours now, and yet you had been in a bad mood the second the two of you arrived.

The reason to this was clear to Soobin. Yeonjun was always surrounded by people during parties, but during this particular party, he seemed to be in deep conversation with Chou Tzuyu. Not that you had anything against Tzuyu herself – she was sweet, beautiful and kind. The problem was that she was being sweet, beautiful and kind right in front of your crush of two years.

“I don’t know,” Soobin said slowly, trying to distract himself from your puppy-eyes by searching the crowd for a familiar face. He knew that Beomgyu had to be around somewhere, and his presence would be the perfect opportunity to get out of this conversation.

“But you’re my secret weapon,” you told Soobin, grasping his hands in yours. Soobin jumped slightly at the sudden contact, feeling his breath catch in his throat as you gently laced your fingers together. Swallowing deeply, Soobin had no choice but to slowly trail his eyes back to yours. “Nobody knows me as well as you, and nobody knows Yeonjun as well as you!” You concluded, feeling happy with the connection you made.

“And?” Soobin said in a cracked voice, trying to keep his heart rate down enough to focus on your conversation.

“You can find out what kind of girls he likes,” you explained to him. “And you already know what kind of guys I like.”

“Yeah, guys named Yeonjun,” Soobin muttered under his breath.

“You do know,” you teased him, grinning at Soobin’s sarcastic addition. “C’mon Soobinie, I’m not going to ask anything super personal that he wouldn’t want me to know. Just what kind of girls he likes, how he likes his girls to dress and things like that…” you elaborated, trailing off as your gaze shifted to where Yeonjun and Tzuyu were moving closer.

Noticing your distraction, Soobin followed your eye line and saw that Yeonjun was simply leaning closer to Tzuyu to hear what she was saying, but he could see how you would think that the two of them were getting closer in the romantic sense. Seeing the downtrodden expression on your face, Soobin frowned. The last thing he wanted was for you to be upset or to feel as though you weren’t good enough to go after your crush.

“I don’t want you to change, though,” Soobin said quietly, causing you to glance back at him. “I like you the way you are.”

You felt yourself unable to stop a smile from appearing on your lips. You were certainly lucky; Soobin was the best friend in the entire world and you knew it. “You’re an angel, Choi Soobin,” you complimented, which made Soobin look at the floor shyly, dimples appearing on his cheeks. “And I don’t want to change my whole personality or anything. Just to make a few adjustments that would take me from friend-material to girlfriend-material,” you stated. “But if it makes you uncomfortable to ask, I won’t make you.”

Great. Soobin wanted to say. Because this makes me really uncomfortable. Not because I’m awkward around Yeonjun but because I’m deeply in love with you, and the thought of helping you and Yeonjun get together breaks my heart.

“Of course I’ll help you,” Soobin said instead. Stupid. You’re stupid, he thought. As your eyes lit up with excitement, however, Soobin couldn’t find it in himself to take back his words. You were always beautiful to him, but when you smiled at him like he was the solution to all of your problems, Soobin thought you looked utterly ethereal. “If I can help you then I will.”

“Soobinie!” You cheered, wrapping your arms around your best friend in a hug. “You are the best friend any girl could ever ask for and I love you,” you told him, standing on your toes in order to reach his cheek – which was significantly higher up than yours – and press a soft kiss to it. “You’re my favourite,” you added with a wink, feeling a swell of pride and love for your friend.

“Oh, am I?” Soobin teased, rolling his eyes. “I thought Yeonjun was your favourite,” he stated, raising an eyebrow in a challenging manner.

You grinned back at him. “You’re always going to be my favourite, Soobinie,” you retorted. “No matter what.”

Soobin was surprised by this answer, and felt that he had nothing to say. So instead, he gave you a dimpled smile and held out his hand for you to take. “Let’s go dance,” he suggested. You accepted, allowing his much taller frame to push through the crowd and get towards the living room area that doubled as the allocated dance floor.

“Hey!” you called suddenly. “Why didn’t you tell me I’m your favourite?!”

Three days later, dance practice had ended later than usual, mostly because Soobin and Yeonjun stayed back late to practice together. Yeonjun could tell something was messing with Soobin’s head to the point where his dancing was impacted, so he decided to help Soobin out a little bit and make sure that he got the new choreography so he wouldn’t be scolded by the teacher.

“What’s up with you?” Yeonjun asked in between gulps of water, leaning back against the mirrored wall to observe his younger friend. His expression was less lively than usual; Soobin never believed Yeonjun when he told him that he had that sort of shy, charming, boy-next-door type of personality that made people like him. Today, Soobin was completely devoid of his usual charm and enthusiasm.

Soobin slumped in his place on the floor, running a hand through his slightly damp hair with a sigh. “It’s nothing,” Soobin lied. In reality, the girl I’m in love with likes you and I agreed to help her, didn’t seem like an appropriate answer to such a casual question. “I just have a lot going on,” he made an excuse.

“I told you that double majoring was going to be hard,” Yeonjun teased, but his concern didn’t waver at Soobin’s excuse. “Can I help with anything?” he offered.

“I’m good, thanks,” Soobin waved it off, closing his eyes for a moment to gather his courage. “Hey hyung?” Yeonjun perked up, glancing over at Soobin in order to give him his attention. “What kind of girls do you like?” he inquired, trying to sound as curious as possible.

Yeonjun rose an eyebrow at the question. It seemed pretty random, but Yeonjun considered that Soobin might be having girl problems and made his way over to sit next to his friend. “Well,” he began, thinking it over. “I don’t know. I guess I like girls who are confident? About themselves, I mean. If they know what they want and go after that, I think that’s attractive,” Yeonjun said. “Why do you ask?”

Soobin’s eyes widened. It was a question he was expecting, but he had yet to come up with an answer. “Oh, ah-“ he paused. “Just curious, I guess.”

Yeonjun frowned. “Are you having girl troubles or something?” he wondered.

“Not really,” Soobin denied. “I’m just- I’m trying to figure out what kinds of girls are out there. What I should be looking for, what kind of looks I like…” he trailed off awkwardly.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Yeonjun said. “Be honest, do you need sex advice?”

Soobin turned bright red, surprised that this was the conclusion that Yeonjun had come to. Oh Lord help me. “What!” he exclaimed, eyes wide and brain going into overdrive. “No! No, no I do not need- that kind of advice!” Soobin declared loudly, causing Yeonjun to burst into laughter as Soobin sat there, enveloped in his own embarrassment.

“Just checking,” Yeonjun said cheekily, giving Soobin a smile. “You were asking about looks?” Soobin nodded shyly, cheeks still flaming and unable to speak. “I guess I like girls who dress kind of girly and feminine?” he said, sounding like it was a question. “Not that I should dictate how anyone dresses, I just think that it’s really pretty.”

“Right,” Soobin nodded.

“What about you?” Yeonjun asked.

Soobin paused for a moment. “I guess I prefer a more casual style,” he said, thinking of the way you dressed. “Nothing too fancy or feminine or whatever, just something that’s comfortable and simple.”

“Like Y/n’s style?” Yeonjun suggested innocently, unaware of how perfectly on-the-nose he was with his diagnosis.

“Uh, kind of,” Soobin tried to play it off. “I don’t know. I don’t really pay that much attention to what she wears,” he lied easily. He had been hiding his crush on you for so long that it was easy.

A knock sounded on the practice room door – perfectly on time, in Soobin’s opinion – and the door opened shortly after to reveal you standing there with a takeout bag and a sweet smile. You were dressed in light-wash blue jeans, a long-sleeved black crop top, and a pair of white Adidas sneakers to top off the casual look. “Am I interrupting?” you asked innocently, holding out the takeout bag as bait.

“Not at all,” Soobin said before Yeonjun could utter a word, standing up to greet you with a nervous smile. “I didn’t know you were coming by,” he added, feeling his heart beat climbing as you gave him a wink.

“Well I remembered Yeonjun saying that he was craving chicken recently, and I figured my two favourite boys would be together anyway so…” you trailed off happily, not realising you were breaking Soobin’s heart as you mentioned that you had two favourite boys.

“You’re a saint,” Yeonjun sighed happily, pushing aside the takeout bag in favour of pulling you into a hug. You shrieked, yelling about how he was sweaty and gross as you tried half-heartedly to get away from him. Soobin watched as Yeonjun began chasing you around the practice room as the two of you giggled together, unaware of Soobin’s dropping mood.

“Just eat!” You eventually said, giving up and falling to the floor next to where Soobin had made himself comfortable. “Hey,” you added to your best friend. “You doing okay?” you asked, helping him unpack the food and and nudging him gently with your elbow.

Soobin nodded, slapping a smile on his face and wordlessly handing you the fries that you had ordered with the chicken, knowing that you didn’t actually eat chicken and had just bought it for your friends. “I thought you had an essay due?” he asked instead.

You sighed, rolling your eyes. “That stupid essay took me forever and I knew it would, so I stayed up late last night to finish it in favour of sleeping in until the afternoon today,” you announced.

“That’s going to mess up your sleep schedule,” Yeonjun said through a mouth full of chicken, having joined you and Soobin on the floor moments ago. You stuck your tongue out at him in retaliation, causing Yeonjun to giggle.

“Hey,” you whispered to Soobin as Yeonjun got distracted by something on his phone. “Did you get anything?” you asked hopefully, eyes shining.

“Sort of,” Soobin whispered back. “Just what kind of style he likes on a girl? And a really awkward conversation about- I don’t even want to tell you,” he shivered, making you raise an eyebrow in confusion.

“Okay,” you said, shrugging off the fact that Soobin had something he didn’t want to share with you. Usually, the two of you shared everything, so this was new. “Thanks so much, Soobinnie,” you changed the subject. “I’m sorry it made things awkward, I didn’t mean for it to.”

“I was the one that was awkward,” Soobin corrected quickly, realising you hadn’t been the cause of Yeonjun thinking he needed sex advice. “It wasn’t the conversation, so don’t worry about it,” he assured you.

You beamed. “What would I do without you?” you asked dramatically, biting into your fries before attempting to get Yeonjun’s attention away from his phone.

Soobin huffed quietly, watching as you and Yeonjun began playfully bantering as you got into a footsie fight from your positions on the floor.

“You said feminine, right?” You asked unsurely, biting your lip as you observed yourself in the mirror. You were on the phone with Soobin, making sure that he recapped everything that he and Yeonjun talked about during dance practice.

“Right,” Soobin’s voice rang through your phone. “And remember to act confident! He says that he likes girls who go after what they want,” he added.

“Okay,” you nodded, even though Soobin wouldn’t be able to see it. “I’m just not sure this outfit suits me. I want to wear something that he’ll like but I don’t want to look like an idiot.”

“Nothing you wear could ever make you look like an idiot,” Soobin assured you. “I’m sure it looks great!”

“I guess we’ll see,” you sighed. “Hey Soobinie, you’re pretty good at this whole wing-man thing. After Yeonjun and I get together, we should go on a double date!” You realised excitedly.

Soobin chuckled. “No thanks, I’m good,” he said, waving the idea off immediately.

“Aw,” you pouted. “Why? That sounds like fun! You’ve never wanted to date anyone ever since I’ve met you.”

“So what?”

“I met you in preschool,” you reminded your best friend. “You’ve never even had a girlfriend or a crush!”

“Yes I have,” Soobin argued with you.

“Oh really? Name one.”

That stumped him. “I’m just not really looking for anything like that,” Soobin said instead of admitting his feelings for you.

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet,” you decided, going to your wardrobe to look for the perfect pair of shoes to match your outfit. “I’m sure that I could set you up with someone who you’ll really like! Someone sweet who loves music, and bread, and adorable boys with sweet smiles and dimples,” you said firmly.

“Ah, you’re really over-selling me there,” Soobin said modestly.

“Are you kidding me?” You exclaimed. “Soobin, you’re gorgeous. Like, gorgeous. A 6’1” prince charming with a beautiful voice, gorgeous. And you’re really funny in a cheesy way and you’re an amazing friend. Anyone would be lucky to have you, you hear?” You told your best friend, trying to see him in the way that you and everyone else around him saw him.

“Well when you say it like that, how can I disagree?” Soobin asked, smiling with reddening cheeks as he lay onto his bed, covering his face with his pillow to muffle his squeals.

“Great!” you sighed happily. “Okay, I’m almost ready. Meet you in the library in fifteen?” you asked.

Soobin said his affirmative and the two of you hung up the phone as you began to put on the lace-up espadrille wedges that went with your outfit. In order to achieve the more feminine look that Yeonjun liked, you had decided to dress up a little for your study group with Yeonjun, Soobin, and Beomgyu. You wore a sleeveless, white dress with a lilac floral print and threw a purple cardigan over it to cover against the cold library air-conditioning, and left your hair down in order to achieve a more feminine aesthetic. They were all things that you already had in your wardrobe, so you didn’t feel like you were necessarily changing your style too much. Rather, you were picking parts of your style that you knew would appeal to Yeonjun and wearing them more often.

After packing your charging laptop into your book bag, you made your way out of your dorm and walked to the campus library where you would be meeting Yeonjun, Soobin and Beomgyu. Usually, the four of you occupied one of the private rooms in the library so you could be as loud as you wanted while still staying productive.

When you arrived, the three boys were already waiting for you in the room you usually used; they all glanced at you when the door opened and found it difficult to look away.

“Y/n,” Yeonjun said as you took your usual seat next to Soobin and opposite Yeonjun. “You look beautiful,” he complimented, eyes scanning your outfit before meeting your eyes and smiling.

“You do,” Beomgyu agreed from his place next to Yeonjun. “It’s kind of different, though,” he observed, tilting his head and looking at you with knowing eyes.

“Just trying a new combination of clothes I already own,” you shrug off the attention. “And thanks, Yeonjunie,” you add sweetly, giving the boy your full attention as you share a look.

Seeing Soobin’s expression, Beomgyu cleared his throat. “Okay,” he said, clapping his hands together once. “Confidence Intervals: the hell is that about,” Beomgyu asked, referring to the Statistics class that you all shared and what your semester project was about.

You grinned. “It’s a bunch of busy work,” you sighed, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“We better get started if we still want to go to that party tonight,” Beomgyu suggests.

“Are you going, Y/n?” Yeonjun asks, seemingly unable to take his eyes off of you today.

You smiled at the interest he was taking in your whereabouts for the evening, nodding as you motioned over to Soobin. “We’re both going to be there.”

“Great,” Yeonjun breathed out, a wonderful smile gracing his features and lighting up his eyes.

“Great,” you agreed, nodding and returning the smile at the same capacity.

“Great,” Soobin sighed, gently tossing his pencil on the table in front of him and frowning.

“Oh boy,” Beomgyu mumbled, opening the page he needed in his Statistics textbook.

“What about this one?” you ask Soobin, modelling a rose gold slip mini-dress for your best friend and giving him a twirl. “The silky material is really comfy, and I really don’t feel like trying another dress on,” you added for emphasis, sliding on a pair of black ankle boots on to match.

“You look great,” Soobin said. He was lying on his back on your bed, head hanging off the end so he was looking at you upside-down. “You looked great in every single dress you tried on, Y/n. I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Then we’ll go with this,” you shrugged, no longer interested in looking perfect and more conscious of arriving on time to the party. You started applying a dark red lipstick to your lips before carefully blotting the colour and making it more natural and subtle.

“I hardly think you can say we considering all I did was lay here and let all the blood rush to my head,” Soobin mumbled to himself, getting up and straightening out his clothes.

You glanced at your best friend, scrutinising his outfit and beaming. “You look so handsome,” you complimented. The unexpected comment made Soobin flush red and scoff, waving his hands as if to tell you to stop. “You do!” you insisted. “We’re finding you a honey, tonight,” you told him happily. “You look hot!”

“Let’s just go,” Soobin protested, grabbing his phone from your sheets and stuffing it into the pocket of his black skinny jeans. “We don’t want to keep Yeonjun waiting.”

“No we do not,” you agreed, grabbing your phone and making your way into the living room space that you and your dorm mate shared. Luckily, your dorm suite had individual rooms for everyone and a shared living room and bathroom. This meant that you and Soobin could have as many sleepovers as you wanted without bothering anyone else. Smiling at your suite-mate Sihyeon, who was sat on the couch frantically typing on her laptop. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with?” You offered.

“I’m a STEM major,” Sihyeon said instead of answering your question. “We don’t write essays. I’m going to be here all night finishing this,” she sighed, glancing up from the screen and smiling at you. “You guys have fun, okay? Don’t worry about me,” Sihyeon assured you. You went over to give her a one-armed hug before making your way to the party with Soobin.

“She seemed stressed,” Soobin mused, causing you to laugh.

“That poor girl is cool as a cucumber unless she has to write an essay,” you explained as you walked through campus. Suddenly, you gasped and stopped, causing Soobin to bump into you. “I should set you up with Sihyeon!” you exclaimed.

Soobin’s eyes widened. “No,” he said as you spun around to face him excitedly, walking backwards to keep up with him as he tried to get away from you.

“Why not?” you whined. “She’s super smart and she’s like, model pretty for sure! Besides, she’s a senior and I always felt like you’d like more mature girls,” you thought aloud.

“I’m not interested in your suite-mate,” Soobin declined your offer.

“Fine, fine,” you gave in, pouting before turning around and walking the right way, nudging Soobin every once in a while to tease him.

When you arrived at the party, you immediately started searching for Yeonjun. This wasn’t anything unusual, and yet it still made Soobin feel more uneasy than usual. Your eyes lit up when you saw the familiar blue-haired boy mixing drinks with Wooyoung and Yeosang. “Yeonjun!” You called, pulling on Soobin’s shirt sleeve so you wouldn’t lose him in the crowd.

“Y/n!” Yeonjun said, sounding happy to see you.

“Holy- gorgeous,” Wooyoung told you, causing you to laugh and cover your face shyly.

“You exaggerate,” you told him, cheeks burning.

“He does not,” Yeonjun denies. “You look amazing, Y/n. You always do, of course,” he added, just in case you thought he was giving you a back-handed insult.

“Thank you guys,” you said, feeling bashful at the sudden attention. “I have to give credit to Soobin, he helped me pick it out,” you added, causing the boys to greet Soobin happily.

“Hardly,” Soobin denied, accepting the drink from Yeosang and cringing after taking a sip. “Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the camel!” he exclaimed. “How much liquor is in this?” he asked, pointing down at his cup.

Yeosang made an apologetic face. “Sorry, I can make you something lighter?” he offered.

Soobin caught sight of you leaning forward to hear Yeonjun better, placing a hand on his shoulder and placing your face impossibly close to Yeonjun’s. “It’s okay,” Soobin thought better of it, downing the cup in seconds. He made a face afterwards, trying to ignore the burning sensation that now filled his stomach and smiling at Yeosang. “I’ll take another.”

Yeosang was all too happy to comply, making Soobin another drink until he was more than a little tipsy. “I’m going to find Beomgyu,” Soobin slurred slightly as he informed you, causing you to nod and giggle as he walked away.

“For someone so tall, he gets pretty uncoordinated when he’s tipsy,” you commented, causing Yeonjun to laugh and agree.

“I can’t really hear you well,” he admitted to you. “Let’s go somewhere a bit quieter,” Yeonjun offered, taking your hand and leading you out of the kitchen and towards a corner of the living room, where people had taken to playing games instead of dancing and it was easier to have a conversation.

Soobin found Beomgyu playing a game of Truth or Dare with some familiar people – he felt a little nervous playing with little devils like Beomgyu, Taehyun and Hueningkai but he decided to join anyway – and more unfamiliar people.

“Newcomers take shots,” Beomgyu told Soobin, passing him two shot glasses. Soobin sighed, downing the shots despite knowing that he would regret it the next day. “Excellent,” he said happily. “Kai, truth or dare?”

The game was more of a way for Soobin to pass time than it was for actual entertainment, so when it was Soobin’s turn, he jumped in surprise. “Truth or dare?” He recognised the speaker as Mina, a friend of your suite-mate Sihyeon’s.

“He’ll take a dare,” Beomgyu said for Soobin. “He really needs to let loose a little.”

“Okay,” Mina smiled, glancing around the room before landing on the corner and grinning. Soobin followed her gaze and felt his heart drop at the sight. You were leaning against the wall with Yeonjun standing in front of you. The two of you were in deep conversation, and Yeonjun had placed his hand on the wall beside your face to get even closer, if that was possible. “I dare you to kiss your crush,” Mina said, causing the group to make teasing sounds.

Soobin wasn’t sure if it was jealousy or the liquor that made him do this (he would decide the next day that it was a combination of both, and a moment of utter insanity), but he got up from his seat and stumbled over to you and Yeonjun.

When he neared, you met eyes and opened your mouth – most likely to greet him – but before you could say anything, Soobin leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. You gasped into the kiss, surprised, before pulling away. “Soobin!” you exclaimed startled by his actions. “Why did you do that?”

Soobin only grinned goofily at you before giggling. “I-“ he cut himself off by bending over and throwing up on the floor, only centimetres away from your shoes. You cringed. Partially because you knew that he was far too drunk to remember any of this the next day, and partially because you could see Beomgyu filming everything from his seat on the sofa.

“Oh, Soo,” you cooed, pushing your hair behind your shoulder and gently rubbing Soobin’s back. “It’s okay, Binnie, just get it out,” you said, trying as best as you could to stabilise him when he finally stood upright again.

“Is he okay?” Yeonjun asked, wide-eyed and bewildered by the many things that had happened in such few seconds.

“He will be,” you reassured him. “I should probably get him back to his dorm, though.”

“Do you need any help?” Yeonjun offered. Knowing that Soobin was too tall for you to carry, you accepted his help. Soon, the both of you were doing your best to distribute Soobin’s weight and carry the boy back to his dorm. After tucking Soobin into bed and making sure that he was safe, Yeonjun offered to walk you back to your dorm since it was late.

“Drunk Soobin really is a lot crazier than I thought he would be,” Yeonjun mention, causing you to giggle.

“Yeah, he gets pretty wild,” you admitted. “Thanks for walking me,” you acknowledged once you reached your suite.

Yeonjun looked shy all of a sudden, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at his shoes. “Yeah, of course,” he said, finding the confidence to look back at you.

Confidence, you reminded yourself. He likes girls who are confident and go after what they want.

“Would you want to go out some time?”

“Do you want to go on a date?”

The two of you asked at the same time. Upon realising this, you both let out nervous chuckles. “How about a movie and dinner?” Yeonjun suggested.

You could hardly hold in your excitement. “That sounds perfect.”

It had been days since you had seen Soobin. You had texted him multiple times to see if he was okay but had yet to receive a response. At the one week mark, you knew something was really wrong when you went to your weekly study group with Yeonjun, Soobin and Beomgyu, only to find that Soobin was absent.

“Is Soobin not coming?” you had asked, taking a seat next to Yeonjun instead, since Soobin’s seat was vacant.

He looked surprised at your question. “I thought you would know,” he replied. “I haven’t seen him all week.”

You sighed. “You should go see him,” Beomgyu spoke up, looking at you with a look you couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“I’ll visit him after we study,” you agreed, worried about Soobin. You hoped that his drunk encounter with you at the party wasn’t the reason that he was being distant.

After you wrapped up your study session and were packing up your book bag, Yeonjun grabbed your attention. “Is tomorrow night good for our date?” he asked.

Beomgyu stopped what he was doing to stare at you and Yeonjun in shock.

You quickly thought of your schedule and any assignments you had due. “Tomorrow night should work,” you smiled. “Just don’t pick a trash movie,” you warned him.

“Are you kidding?” Yeonjun asked. “We’re definitely going to watch Little Women. I’ve been dying to see it and you read the books as a kid, right?”

You were touched that Yeonjun both wanted to see the film and had remembered a small detail about your childhood that you mentioned once in passing. “Yeah,” you said, your heart swelling. “Yeah, I did.”

“Perfect,” Yeonjun smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then!”

You said your goodbyes to Yeonjun and Beomgyu and made your way to Soobin’s dorm for the first time in a week. After knocking at his door, Soobin tiredly opened the door to you. “Hey Soobinie,” you greeted before noticing his tired demeanour. “Were you sleeping? I’m so sorry,” you apologised, feeling bad that you had ruined his rest time.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Soobin denied, opening the door wider for you to come in. “I haven’t been sleeping,” he corrected with a sigh.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” you asked him, taking a seat on his bed next to him. “If this is about the kiss then it’s fine.”

Soobin glanced up, narrowing his eyes slightly. “What’s fine?”

“Well, you were drunk,” you reminded him with furrowed brows. “People do crazy things when they’re drunk.”

Soobin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to say anything rash or upset at your words. “I didn’t just do something crazy,” he said in a hushed voice. Somehow, the quiet tone started making you nervous. “I’m going crazy,” Soobin breathed out, resting his elbows on his legs and running his hands roughly through his hair.

“Hey,” you scooted closer, putting your hand on his back. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that I’m going crazy,” Soobin repeated, throwing his hands down. “I feel like I can never be honest with you!” he added, voice increasing in volume and frustration.

Ouch, you thought. Well, that hurt. You cleared your throat. “What do you mean?” you felt confused. “Have you been lying to me about something?”

Soobin laughed, though it was void of any humour or joy. “Yeah, I’ve been lying to you,” he sighed. “I can’t share my real thoughts or feelings with you. Not about this.”

“I don’t understand,” you confessed. “What can’t you share with me? I’m always honest and open with you because I trust you and I love you. Do you not trust me?”

“No,” Soobin denied. “It’s not that I don’t trust you or anything like that. I just- I can’t talk about this. And the more I can’t talk about it, the more it hurts and I hate this feeling.”

“Then why don’t you just tell me?” you suggested. “Maybe if you share it with me then-“

“I can’t,” Soobin almost wailed, sounding like the was on the brink of crying. “I can’t tell you this because it’s going to ruin our friendship and you’re going to hate me.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach. “Soobin, you’re scaring me,” you confessed. “What’s going on?”

“I think you should go,” Soobin replied instead of answering your question. “I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to say anything that I don’t mean.”

“Soo-“

“Please.” the desperation in your best friend’s voice was enough for you to sit beside him for a few more moments before reluctantly getting up and leaving him be.

You were less excited for your date with Yeonjun than you expected to be. After two years of crushing on the boy, you figured you would at least feel butterflies or some kind of excited nerves while you were getting ready. Instead, all you could focus on was Soobin and how you felt like you had done something to hurt him. What did it mean, feeling like you couldn’t be honest with your best friend?

“You look beautiful,” Yeonjun complimented when the two of you met at the cinema for your film. You were dressed in a pretty blouse with jeans and heeled boots for the occasion, but even the cheerful pattern on your shirt didn’t make you feel better.

You smiled. “Thank you. You look great, too,” you replied, accepting the popcorn from Yeonjun before making your way to the theatre that was showing Little Women. Yeonjun was adorably excited about the film, raging about how Greta Gerwig was absolutely snubbed at the Oscars and how amazing Saoirse Ronan really was the perfect Jo March.

It was rather odd. On any other occasion, you could have written an entire essay on how beautiful Yeonjun looked in his outfit and how the fact that he was slightly shyer than usual around you was perhaps the cutest thing that you had ever experienced. But instead, your head was filled with thoughts of Soobin. Soobin sounding like he was about to cry because he couldn’t share his feelings with you. Soobin burying his face in his hands out of frustration with you or about you, you couldn’t remember.

The film was great.

Or, at least, you assumed it was great. There were few scenes of the film you could really remember, even after the credits rolled and you and Yeonjun made your way to his car to go to the restaurant you both picked for dinner.

When you arrived, you managed to banter with Yeonjun as usual while waiting to be seated and then waiting for your food. All the waiting was making you anxious and only further reminded you of how you were waiting for a text from Soobin.

Yeonjun had enough of being too shy to ask you if everything was alright. “Are you doing okay?” he asked you as you stared blankly at your pasta.

“Hm?” you hummed, blinking before realising that your food had arrived and Yeonjun had asked you a question. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you were okay,” Yeonjun repeated, brows furrowing together in concern. “But it seems pretty clear that you’re not,” he added.

You smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I guess I’m just in a weird headspace. I’m sorry for making this date really boring and weird.”

“It’s not boring and weird,” Yeonjun contradicted your statement. “What’s wrong?”

You sighed, picking up your fork. “What does it mean when your best friend tells you that they feel like they can’t be honest with you?” you inquired. “And that if they reveal the truth to you, they think it will ruin your friendship?”

Yeonjun was startled. “This is about Soobin,” he mused quietly. “I guess it means exactly that. He’s keeping something from you because he doesn’t want to lose you.”

“But I’m losing him,” you retorted. “He’s distancing himself from me. So either scenario means that he and I aren’t the same anymore,” you sighed, eating some of your pasta and chewing on it slowly. “If that’s the case, isn’t it just best that he tell me?”

“I can’t answer that, I don’t know what he’s keeping from you,” Yeonjun reminded you.

“I just feel like a failure of a friend,” you disclose your feelings. “The one thing you should be able to do as a friend is be honest and share your feelings. I can’t even make my best friend feel comfortable doing that.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Yeonjun acknowledged her feelings. “If it helps, I don’t feel that way about you.”

You smiled. “Thanks, Yeonjunie,” you paused, thinking of his words, and the most ironic thought popped into your mind. “On the basis of being honest, then… Is it just me or does this not feel like a date?”

Yeonjun gave a small giggle. “You’re right,” he agreed. “I think you’re beautiful, and smart, and funny. But maybe we’re better off just being friends,” he admitted to you.

“I was thinking the same thing,” you said, surprised at how truthful the words really were. “Huh… I spent two years of my life having a crush on you but as it turns out, we’re better off as friends.”

“You couldn’t have liked me for two years,” Yeonjun exclaimed in surprise. “No way!”

“It’s true!” you insisted, joining in on Yeonjun’s laughter. “Maybe it was just a small crush but it was there.”

“Well, I had a crush on you too,” Yeonjun smiled prettily. “But I’m actually okay with this whole being friends thing.”

You smiled back at him, pleased that the date had gone in this direction. “I completely agree.”

With this in mind, the rest of your date turned into a friendly hangout, which both took the pressure off of the both of you and made for a much more fun evening.

[10:48pm]

y/n: hey soobinie

y/n: i’m sorry

y/n: i’m sorry for whatever i did to make you feel like you can’t be honest with me

y/n: i don’t ever want to fight with you

y/n: let’s just talk it out and solve this

y/n: please?

seen by soobin at 10:52pm

soobin is offline (10:55pm)

You always knew how much you loved and needed Soobin in your life.

From the very first time that you were in preschool and one of the boys had stolen your packed lunch, all you could do on your own as a significantly smaller human being was sit there and cry. Until Soobin came. He was your knight in shining Converse, telling the boys that stealing was wrong and mean and demanding that they give your lunch back to you. From that day onwards, you had a lunch buddy, a protector, and – most importantly – a best friend to always support you.

And you supported him too. Throughout middle and high school you went to every one of his performances and cheered him on until you lost your voice. Soobin would go onto stage, a nervous bundle of adrenaline and hormones, but the moment he saw your face in the crowd he would feel completely at ease. You helped him with his english homework while he helped you with math, and you always came to each other when you felt sad.

Being without Soobin felt like you were missing part of your personality; jokes passed without being laughed at, study sessions were far quieter and more lonely, and you walked back to your dorm at the end of class alone.

Sitting in your room in the library with Yeonjun and Beomgyu still went on, but it didn’t feel nearly as fun or productive with the empty chair next to you.

Hearing how your date with Yeonjun went, Beomgyu was reluctant to keep coming the study sessions. When he realised that you and Yeonjun remained good friends on amicable terms, however, he was persuaded to continue joining you. That and the fact that he was completely lost on Statistics without you guys.

“Do either of you have the answer book?” Beomgyu had asked during one study session. You and Yeonjun had been defacing university property by doodling all over the tables in pencil while Beomgyu stressed about his Statistics grade. Noticing how inattentive you two were being, Beomgyu looked up from his textbook and made a face of disapproval. “Seriously?” he asked rhetorically. “Can one of you make yourself useful and get the answer book from the Stats section?”

You and Yeonjun glanced at each other and Yeonjun – being just a moment faster than you, and a whole lot smarter – placed his finger on his nose and declared loudly: “Not it!”

You whined, feeling cheated by the situation. Still, you put your pencil down and got up to look for the book Beomgyu needed in the library. Sifting through the Statistics section, you pulled out a few books from the same company as your Statistics textbook and read the titles to see if any of them matched the answer book you were searching for.

A familiar giggle pulled your attention away from reading book titles.

You knew that giggle anywhere.

You ducked slightly in order to look through the shelf closest to your eye-line and saw Soobin at one of the tables in the library, talking to Mina and Sihyeon and laughing. Your suite-mate and her best friend were seated by the tables in the middle the library while Soobin stood next to them, backpack slung casually over his shoulder.

Something in your chest ached at the sight of your best friend whom you hadn’t seen in almost a month now. It was obvious to you that you would miss him, but this feeling was different. This feeling was fierce and unexpected and burned deep in your belly, causing your eyes to narrow and your jaw to clench.

The green monster. Envy. Possessiveness. Jealousy.

You were jealous of your suite-mate for talking to Soobin. But really, did you have any excuse to be jealous? It was was your idea to set the two up when you were swept up in Yeonjun-land and only had eyes for your blue-haired friend. And Sihyeon was amazing, you would be first in line at the Sihyeon fan club meeting, declaring your love for your suite-mate and her funny and nurturing personality. In fact, she was probably perfect for Soobin.

But the jealousy went deeper than just seeing Sihyeon and Mina interact with Soobin. You were jealous at the idea of Soobin and Sihyeon flirting. You didn’t want Soobin to be flirting with anyone, nonetheless someone you loved and admired.

“You okay?” you jumped at the sound of Yeonjun’s voice right next to you. “Geez, Y/n, why are you so jumpy?” he asked, far louder than you would have liked.

At the sound of your name, Soobin turned in your direction and the two of you made eye contact through the gaps above the books in the bookshelf. Quickly, you turned around to face Yeonjun and avoid Soobin. “I found the book,” you declared, grabbing it and placing all the other books back. “Let’s go,” you said, pushing Yeonjun in the direction of your private room and pushing your feelings for Soobin even further down into yourself.

To prove to yourself that you were okay with Sihyeon and Soobin dating, you decided to invite Sihyeon to the party that you were going to that evening with Yeonjun and Beomgyu. “It’ll be fun!” you convinced her happily as you curled your hair and picked out an outfit. You decided on a pretty lace bralette top and a pair of black jeans in order to be comfortable but still cute and even helped Sihyeon pick out a pretty dress.

I guess Soobin likes more feminine styles like Yeonjun, you thought to yourself as you admired how beautiful Sihyeon looked in the body-hugging, off-the-shoulder dress that she was absolutely rocking. And she’s far more confident than me, so I guess he’ll be into that too.

You tried to act like you were proud of yourself for being a neutral party in the whole ordeal, but in reality it felt like your world was falling apart. Everything that you thought was a universal truth – liking Yeonjun, being best friends with Soobin – was no longer true. And everything that seemed like a good idea before – dating Yeonjun, setting Soobin up with Sihyeon – were now a nightmare waiting to happen.

“You look really pretty, Y/n,” Sihyeon complimented.

“Not half as pretty as you,” you replied, meaning every word of it. “C’mon, let's get going."

The two of you linked arms and made your way to the party. In order to get through this party, you would need to do it the way that Soobin did last time; hopefully minus the sudden vomiting. You knew that Mingi and Yeosang made the strongest drinks in the ATZ fraternity, so you and Sihyeon made a beeline for the kitchen the moment you arrived at the house.

“Mingi!” you said happily when you spotted him. “I need a drink as strong as you can make it,” you asked him, giving him a pout and puppy eyes to convince him.

“You're kidding,” Mingi said in a monotonous voice. “I can’t give you that, you’ll pass out straight away.”

He probably had a point. “Then as strong as you can make it without me passing out,” you corrected yourself. Mingi saluted you playfully and got to work on your drink as Sihyeon accepted a much milder drink from San. “Have you guys seen Yeonjun?” you inquired.

“Are you guys still heart-eyed for each other?” San replied, making fun of you by imitating what you assumed was the way you used to look at Yeonjun when you were infatuated with him.

“No,” you sighed. “Didn’t you hear? We went on a date and it was weird as hell so we’re just staying friends,” you explained.

Yeosang nodded. “Good, I always liked you with Soobin,” he mused, making you glance at him with wide eyes.

“What?” you asked, bewildered.

“Me too!” Sihyeon raised her hand enthusiastically, nodding along with Wooyoung, San, Mingi and Hongjoong. “Mina and I always thought you guys would be really cute together.”

“Yup,” Mina agreed, appearing in the kitchen and giving Sihyeon a hug. “That what lesbians talk about when their straight roommates aren’t around,” she joked, causing everyone around to laugh.

Oh my god Y/n you’re a god damn idiot for trying to set your best friend up with a lesbian who already has a girlfriend, you thought to yourself, resisting a face palm.

“Your drink, madame,” Mingi said, passing you a drink. You took it wordlessly and immediately chugged it, feeling like the evening had already been eventful enough to warrant an excessive amount of drinking.

“I’d love a refill,” you announced, handing the cup back to Mingi. He and San cackled at your behaviour but did as you asked.

“You’re a messy drunk, Y/n,” you heard Beomgyu’s voice remind you. He was staring at you with a disapproving look on his handsome face. “Don’t be messy, I beg you.”

“Hello to you too,” you teased with an eye roll. “Yeonjun around?”

“He’s talking to Soobin,” he admitted. Your heart jumped at the mention of the boy’s name, and your reaction must have been obvious because Beomgyu grinned. “You’ve finally caught on, have you?”

You sighed. “Has everyone been hardcore shipping Soobin and I since day one?” you asked sarcastically. A loud chorus of affirmatives chimed in the kitchen, prompting you to actually face palm this time. “Great. I love being a blind idiot. Thanks for the heads up, guys.”

“It’s not our fault you’re ridiculously oblivious to your feelings,” Taehyun commented, having appeared with Beomgyu and Hueningkai.

You narrowed your eyes. “You babies are too young to drink.”

“Don’t worry,” Hueningkai raised his hands in defence. “Taehyun and I aren’t drinking, we’re just here for the drama,” he added with a grin.

You observed the younger boy for a moment before shrugging. “Seems fair,” you allowed, chugging the second drink that Mingi had made for you. “Wow,” you said afterwards. “Is it just me or did you say you didn’t want me to pass out?” Mingi gave you an innocent expression, causing you to shrug and decide to join Yeonjun where he was sitting with a larger group of people.

“Hi there,” Yeonjun greeted as you took a seat next to him. “You look nice,” he flattered, giving you a once-over that no longer made your heart leap into your throat.

“Thanks Yeonjunnie, you’re a peach,” you sighed happily, feeling the effects of the drinks Mingi had made you already.

Yeonjun giggled. “You’re tipsy. You only ever call me a peach when you’re tipsy.”

“Y/n!” Changbin, another friend of Yeonjun’s – since the boy was beyond popular – chimed. He seemed just as buzzed as you, but you knew he was already confident enough to stir up some trouble without the liquid courage. “Truth or dare?”

“This again,” you sighed. “Dude, I don’t know. What are the options again?” your brain was beginning to be fuzzier and fuzzier by the minute.

“Dare it is,” Changbin laughed. “I dare you to… kiss the guy you would most like to date in this room,” he declared before facing Yeonjun. “Pucker up Junnie,” he teased, making a kiss face at your mutual friend.

Everyone in the room hollered, seemingly all knowing about the crush that you had on Yeonjun over the course of time you knew one another. Amidst all the chanting and cheering, you glanced around the room to find the only person that was on your mind at the moment.

You found Soobin sitting a few seats past Yeonjun, nursing a small drink with a distinct pout on his lips. Soobin always looked good. You had always told him how handsome he was, but in this moment – perhaps enhanced by how drunk you were, or the fact that you hadn’t seen him so closely in so long, but most probably a combination of the two – Soobin just looked ridiculously, out-of-this-world hot.

You got to your feet, slightly wobbling as the cheers turned into howls and cat-calls as you neared Yeonjun. Their voices hushed when you passed Yeonjun and took a seat in the empty place next to Soobin. The last thing you saw before closing your eyes and pushing your lips against Soobin’s were his wide, surprised eyes staring into yours. Screams sounded around the room as you and Soobin proceeded to kiss, lips moving comfortably against one another as if you were born to kiss each other. Something like fireworks erupted in your body, except faster, louder, and hotter; with a ferocity far stronger than anything you had ever felt with another boy.

It was you who pulled away, forcing some distance between the both you before you couldn’t stop.

“Why me?” Soobin had asked, just loud enough for the others to hear.

“You know me best,” you replied. “You care for me above everyone else and have always been there for me, since the first day we met when I was four years old. You know what I like and you know what I hate and you would do uncomfortable things like help find out what kinds of girls Yeonjun likes just to make me happy,” this revelation made everyone glance at Yeonjun, who held his hands up to show his innocence in the situation. “That’s why you would make an amazing boyfriend.”

Your words seemed to have sobered you up even more than the kiss, and you realised the weight of your actions. “Excuse me,” you muttered, getting to your feet and tossing your empty cup in the trash by the kitchen. Beomgyu stood there, holding an unopened bottle of water out for you with an expression similar to pride painting his face. You accepted it, unscrewing the cap and taking sips of water to sober up even more as you exited through the kitchen and into the back yard of the ATZ frat house for some fresh air.

You didn’t know how much time had passed since you sat outside, but at one point the bottle was empty and you felt almost completely sober again. The weight of your actions crushed your shoulders and the crisp evening wind felt sharp against your bare arms. You shivered, trying to use your hands to rub warmth into your arms until you felt a jacket drape over your shoulders.

Glancing up, you saw Soobin standing next to you, no longer wearing the flannel shirt he was wearing before. You thanked him quietly, slipping your arms into the warm fabric and relishing in the smell. “Are you sober?” Soobin inquired, taking a seat next to you and raising an eyebrow. His eyes were playful, but a hint of concern existed there nonetheless.

“Sure am,” you replied half-heartedly, unsure if you still wanted to be drunk so you could avoid this conversation.

Soobin hummed, nodding to himself. “Did you mean it?” he asked. You almost wanted to play innocent and ask: Mean what? in the most clueless tone but you decided against it.

“I did,” you confirmed. “I do,” you corrected as an afterthought, knowing and feeling that everything you said while you were drunk was still applicable.

Soobin paused for a moment. “I heard that you and Yeonjun went on a date,” he told you. “Beomgyu mentioned it to me the other day.” The fact that Beomgyu and Soobin were in close contact was not something that you knew about, but you were glad that Beomgyu didn’t feel like he had to pick ‘sides’. “Why didn’t you pick him as the person you would most like to date?”

You laughed lightly. “I guess he didn’t tell you much, then,” you mused, mustering up the courage to properly meet Soobin’s eyes. It almost took your breath away how close you were to his gorgeous brown eyes; appearing deeper and darker due to the low lighting in the back yard. “Yeonjun and I… The feelings I had for him were more physical attraction than anything else,” you explained. “The feelings I have for you are… different. More emotional.”

Soobin took a sharp breath of air in. “Does the mean that you aren’t physically attracted to me?” his voice cracked halfway through his sentence, a tell-tale sign of Soobin being nervous.

Amused, you gave Soobin a knowing look. “Did that kiss in there not feel like physical attraction to you?” you wondered, causing Soobin to get shy and blush. “I just meant that Yeonjun and I had very base-level attraction. You and I have history and over a decade of emotion and love for one another. It’s like we punched a hole in the roof and created a completely new level.”

Nodding to himself, Soobin was silent for a moment, thinking of what to say next. “We’re best friends,” he began. Oof, you thought to yourself, here comes the rejection. God, this hurts more than I thought it would. “And you’re right. We have history and friendship and love and I don’t want to ruin that,” Soobin told you.

You nodded as well. “You don’t have to make excuses,” you reminded him. “We’re best friends. And this is the first time we’re both being honest with each other and ourselves about our feelings, so if you don’t like me then you should just say s-“

Soobin cut you off by leaning over and pressing the softest, sweetest kiss to your lips. It was something like a long peck; beautiful, too short, and wonderful in every way imaginable. He pulled away, leaning his forehead against yours. “Don’t you dare think that,” Soobin said. “I’ve been in love with you for eight years. Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you, okay?”

You nodded, agreeing with him before wrapping your arms around his waist in a hug. “Will you be my boyfriend, then?” you asked, feeling cheeky but also really, desperately wanting Soobin to be yours forever.

“I’m not sure,” Soobin joked, hearing your laughter ring in his ears like the happiest song he’d ever listened to.

“Fine then,” you teased back. “I can always ask Yeonjun if he-“

Once again, Soobin cut you off with a kiss, this time allowing himself to take his sweet time with you and making it as long and rough as he wanted. “Don’t you dare,” he stated firmly. “I only just got you. I’m not about to let you go.”

You grinned. “That’s a really nice way of telling me to shut up.”

my first txt fic officially done!! i got very inspired by this request and got kind of carried away and i honestly really love this fic and i hope you guys do too!!

also sorry if you’re not straight lol i’m not trying to be heteronormative (i’m literally bi lol) but i feel like your college roommate’s girlfriend might not know your sexuality?? so she just assumed anyway bye thanks for reading

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tumbleweed-palmer · 3 years

Text

Big Dumb Mouth: Jimmy Palmer X Reader

Jimmy has been dreaming of her lips pressed to his for so long now and it's finally happening. What happens when his big mouth and the words that fall out of it lead to a misunderstanding though?

===========================

Jimmy wasn’t sure how it ended up like this, but his lips were pressed to hers and her arms were wrapped around him pulling him close against her.

He guessed he should have seen this coming. There had been months and months of subtle flirty glances and exchanges between them that weren’t all that subtle. Or he guessed they weren’t subtle given Dr. Mallard’s casual hints that Jimmy should just bite the bullet and in Ducky’s words “ask Young Miss. Y/L/N out for coffee”

Jimmy was pretty sure this current activity went far beyond just asking her out for coffee or to see a movie. Not that he was complaining.

She was a gorgeous woman, that was an understatement. He’d been nursing a crush on her from the moment they’d been introduced months ago when Y/N had been hired as a technical analyst by Director Vance. She was great at her job; brilliant enough that McGee and Abby had quickly gotten over their annoyance that someone had been hired to do a job they were perfectly capable of managing on their own.

Jimmy had been a big fan of Y/N from the start. It wasn’t just her brilliance or her beauty that had drawn him in. It was everything about her.

She was so sweet and so gentle. She held a serene sense of calm and warmth that made Jimmy think of a kindergarten teacher. Much like him she had to see so many horrible things each and every day. She had to dig into the depths of people’s lives and find all their secrets. She was forced to see disturbing images daily, but she never let it dull her kindness.

Jimmy had been drawn to Y/N from the moment he met her. It had been love at first sight he was convinced. How could he not be utterly devoted to her? She’d walked in with Director Vance, Vance making introductions to everyone she might find herself working with, and Jimmy’s eyes had landed on her. He’d been overtaken with how she looked so sweet in that pretty mint green dress and had been even more entranced by her even prettier eyes. She’d given him one little smile and he’d been head over heels for her.

He’d learned so much about her in her time here mostly from overheard conversations she’d had with Ziva or Abby. He learned that she did yoga on Sundays and she loved matcha tea. She had pink hair in high school and she missed it dearly but understood it wasn’t exactly work appropriate. She’d actually had quite a rebellious phase in her youth which was how she’d gotten so good with computers. She’d only hinted at the trouble she’d found herself in hacking into something she shouldn’t have which had earned her a bit of a reputation and had earned her enough credibility to be recruited for this job. She was a dog person and Jimmy had heard her discussing corgis with Dr. Mallard given his mother had quite a few and Y/N herself was considering getting one. She hated caramel. She loved Halloween and had been excited when Abby had invited her to a costume party. She loved wearing heels even though she complained they killed her feet. She always seemed so put together. It was something Jimmy admired about her; how elegant she always seemed. She was from a tiny mining town down south and she still had a hint of an accent that honestly made Jimmy melt just the slightest. She hated it when people called her a southern belle though or made condescending comments about her accent.

There were so many things he adored about her.

They were only friends though. They’d built up a friendship sharing lunch breaks and coffee breaks at times. They were close enough in age that they’d found they had a little in common as far as childhood memories went. Their friendship had been mostly filled with those shared coffee breaks and lunches and the occasional time spent together when everyone wanted to go grab a drink after work.

Neither Jimmy nor her were big in the bar scene and they seemed to find that they liked one another’s company over any of the more enthusiastic bar patrons. Y/N didn’t even judge Jimmy when he ordered a more stereotypically feminine sugary cocktail instead of beer or hard liquor like their coworkers. In fact, Y/N would usually pipe up that Jimmy’s order sounded good so she might try it too. Jimmy had always appreciated that about her. She could recognize when was feeling self conscious and seemed to have a way of reassuring him without it coming across as condescending or patronizing.

She just had a way of making him feel at ease. He felt like he could really be himself around her without judgement or anxiety rearing its ugly head in.

Jimmy had always told himself that friendship was enough. He would rather have her as his friend than risk losing her as a possible lover.

It seemed though that perhaps this was more than friendship. At least it seemed that way given their current activity.

He still wasn’t sure how this was happening. All he knew was that they were both working late and she’d come downstairs to Autopsy to see if he wanted to take a coffee break with her. One thing had led to another and now here they were, their lips pressed together, their hands roaming one another’s still clothed bodies.

He’d looked down at her and she’d been staring up at him and their lips had just met. There had been no words exchanged. This seemed to be months of flirting and shared gazes and sexual tension finally exploding between them.

Jimmy easily managed to dominate the kisses, a situation he was unaccustomed to when it came to his intimate encounters. He was usually the one who took a more submissive role when it came to his romantic partners. He had to like this newfound role though. He had to like that she seemed to trust him enough to let him take the reins so to speak.

They walked backwards towards the desk their lips not leaving one another as he backed her against the desk relieved that it seemed to be free of paperwork for once. He was sure Dr. Mallard would kill him if he pushed any case files or documents from the desk. Actually he was more than certain Dr. Mallard would kill him for this entire situation. He was the one who always insisted that Autopsy was a sacred place of respect. Jimmy was pretty sure this wasn’t exactly a respectful activity.

He couldn’t find it in him to care too much though. Besides this wasn’t the first time he’d found himself in this situation.

He pressed his lips down her neck the soft moan she let out encouraging his actions her fingers threading through his hair making a mess out of his curls.

He nipped and sucked at her neck not caring if he left a mark in his wake. The idea of leaving signs of what they’d done littered across their skin made him moan.

She pulled back from his touch their breathing so heavy their eyes dark with lust his hands not pulling from her. She spoke her cheeks flushing from more than arousal. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“It’s okay. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this.” Jimmy blurted out his heart dropping the second he realized just what he’d said and saw just how she reacted.

She pulled from him as though his touch burned her brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”

Jimmy cringed the word dancing around in the back of his brain taunting him Idiot, idiot, idiot. Now You’ve gone and done it. Look at the idiot and his big mouth!

He parted his lips stammering as he struggled to explain himself. “I’ve uh..I’ve I-I’ve hooked up at wor-work before with a coworker... You see I uh, I…”

Y/N felt her heart sink her mind automatically jumping to the worst possible conclusion. Wow, was this just something he did with girls around work? She hadn’t ever thought it was possible that Jimmy Palmer had a habit of doing this? Maybe she was just another notch in his bedpost.

She’d never suspected that Jimmy Palmer could be some kind of office manwhore. She would have thought that Tony DiNozzo was the one who had a habit of hooking up with girls around the office like it was some sort of game. Was Jimmy seriously just a love them and leave them type?

She spoke, not allowing him to continue not being able to stop herself from voicing her concerns. “So is this a habit for you? Hooking up with coworkers? Am I just a flavor of the week for you?”

Jimmy parted his lips, his throat tightening up his words failing to come. How could she think that? A little voice in the back of his brain told him had no right to be offended. He knew how this sounded.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, he looking like a fish gasping for water on land, Jimmy struggling to find the words to explain the entire story. He felt as though all the words he wanted to say were getting jumbled up at the tip of his tongue and he couldn’t work a thing out.

Y/N felt her temper rise at his loss for words. She took his silence as her answer.

She felt her heart sink. How could she have been so dumb? Of course this didn’t mean anything to him. Why was she like this? She got so over sentimental and over romantic about guys and they always let her down. She’d thought that Jimmy was different from every other guy who pursued her. He seemed so sweet and gentle. He was so cheerful and polite that it was hard not to adore him. He had almost a boyish charm to him that had made him endearing to her. Not to mention the fact that he was so passionate and determined when it came to his career choice. She’d always liked passion and motivation in a man.

She’d never imagined he was the kind of guy to be into just hooking up without it meaning a thing especially with someone he worked with. She’d let her heart get carried away and imagine that this was the beginning to their love story. She’d let herself believe that this meant that they would run away into the sunset together. She’d let herself get caught up in a dumb crush and had assumed he felt the same. Jimmy clearly was only thinking with his dick at the moment. Why were men so disappointing?

She felt like an idiot. She pushed him back standing up from the desk straightening her clothing, her voice harsh. “Just forget it Jimmy. Clearly we aren’t on the same page. I don’t even think we’re in the same book. I’m not the kind of girl who’s okay with just hooking up with no strings attached. I don’t judge you for being into anything casual, but it's not for me.”

Jimmy finally forced himself to speak, his hands reaching for her as she headed towards the door. “Wait Y/N, please.”

“Forget it Jimmy. Just forget it ever happened.” She snapped storming from the room, Jimmy feeling his heart sink.

How could things go so wrong so fast?

He felt a self deprecating voice in the back of his head speak up “Nice going. She hates your guts. You finally got to kiss the girl you’re crazy about only to fuck everything up. Just typical for you. James Palmer the king of self sabotage.”

He groaned, unsure if he should follow her and try to explain it all. She seemed so angry. He had never done well with confrontation, especially when that confrontation came from an angry woman.

He felt his heart sink all the more hating that he was such a coward. He couldn’t go after her. She probably hated him. He’d ruined everything once again.

He felt himself begin to wallow in self-pity cursing his big fat mouth.

He took a deep breath a sense of determination washing over him. No, no he wasn’t just giving up. He wasn’t going to lose her over his big mouth.

He just had to figure out how to fix this all. There had to be a way to fix this.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

Y/N cringed, feeling her eyes on her. She tried to pretend that she was too invested in her computer to pay any mind to Ziva standing over her. She knew she meant well, but Y/N couldn’t help but to find Ziva standing over her like this to be a little unnerving.

She cleared her throat her voice tight. “I won’t have the background check done any time soon. This guy has like a million aliases. So you can go if you have something better to do.”

She spoke again trying to make a joke hoping she could use humor to deflect the crushing sense of heartbreak that was still hanging over her from last night’s disastrous events. “If you keep looming over me staring at me like that I’m gonna start thinking you’ve got a crush on me.”

Ziva was fast to speak, still eyeing Y/N with a knowing glance. “You are not my type and I am quite sure I am not yours.”

She paused, not afraid to be blunt about it. “Why are you so grouchy today? You are crappy.”

“Crabby, you mean? Crappies are fish, crabs are shellfish.” Y/N responded more than accustomed to Ziva’s occasional mistakes when it came to American figures of speech.

“Yes, the little sea creature with the pinchers. It’s a word that means you are irritable right?” Ziva remarked not at all minding Y/N’s correction.

Y/N sighed trying to pretend that the truth wasn’t so obvious. “I’m fine, just tired.”

“There is more to this than being tired. You seem sad. You are not you.” Ziva insisted making it clear she wasn’t just going to let this go.

Y/N sighed knowing that it was obvious she was a little out of sorts. She hadn’t been looking forward to coming into work this morning. She’d dreaded running into Jimmy after what had happened last night.

She still felt so humiliated. She’d liked him so much and he was clearly just looking to get laid. She felt dumb for feeling so disappointed and heartbroken. Jimmy was just another guy she’d have to add to the list of disappointing men in her life.

She’d been foolish enough to hope that Jimmy was different. Wasn’t that the mistake she always made though; believing that it was different this time. She always mistakenly believed that this guy was different only to be crushed when she realized they were all the same as the others.

She had done her best to hide her heartbreak at least as far as her appearance went. She’d picked out a pretty red dress that matched her nails and had fixed her hair and painstakingly done her makeup. She had put together one of her usual favorite outfits and walked into work with her head held up high. She’d sat in her office and got to work. On the outside she appeared to be just as put together as she always was. It was obvious to those who knew her well though that there was something off. She wasn’t filled with bright smiles and she wasn’t even drinking her favorite tea or softly humming her favorite songs as she worked.

She let out a heavy sigh knowing that Ziva wasn’t going to let this go. She was the type to keep poking the proverbial bear until she got an answer. “Jimmy and I kissed last night.”

“Is that a bad thing? I was under the assumption that you wanted to kiss him.” Ziva replied a frown crossing her features as she tried to find the problem.

Y/N felt her cheeks flush knowing that to Ziva and Abby the little crush she was nursing for Jimmy Palmer was so obvious. She had spent quite a bit of time with Ziva and Abby it feeling nice to hang out with the only other two women she worked so closely with. She’d been unable to hide her affection for Jimmy given that she tended to talk about him more often than not without even realizing. They’d tried to encourage her to pursue Jimmy, but Y/N was always hesitant fearing ruining the friendship they’d developed.

Y/N sighed knowing that she had to tell the truth. “We were getting pretty into it...like really hot and heavy and it was obvious that it was headed...you know in that direction... I was trying to tell him that I’ve never gotten intimate at work before, I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea...and then he blurted out that this isn’t the first time he’s done this with a coworker. It was pretty obvious that he thought of it as a hook up and nothing more.”

“Did he say that exactly to you?” Ziva asked her frown deepening understanding exactly who Jimmy had been talking about when he spoke of the coworker he’d done this with before. She knew it wasn’t her story to tell though. That was on Jimmy.

Y/N rolled her eyes as she replied. “He didn’t have to. His silence when I questioned him about it said it all.”

“I am sure that his silence was not an answer. Jimmy really does not seem to be the love them and leave them type of man. Perhaps you should talk to him about it, clear it up.” Ziva offered knowing it was all she could do.

Y/N shook her head a heavy huff leaving her. “There’s no point. He made it pretty clear what his intentions were. It’s just...super disappointing. I really liked him, you know? I thought he might be different, that things might be different with him. It’s...whatever though. I just need some time to mope and then I’ll get over him.”

Ziva frowned all the more wanting to point out that Y/N just needed to woman up and confront Jimmy. She was so stubborn and it was bordering on immature. Just leaving it be and jumping to conclusions would only cause her more heartache.

She kept her lips sealed though knowing that Y/N was a grown woman and Ziva wasn’t her mother. She couldn’t force her to do anything.

It turned out Ziva might not have to worry about forcing it as a soft knock sounded out at the door frame Ziva and Y/N turning to see the very man they’d been discussing.

Y/N felt her stomach turn at the sight of him her eyes narrowing. What part of forget it didn’t he get?

Jimmy shifted in place having to wonder if the bouquet of pink and yellow tulips he was holding was a bad idea. The florist had told him that tulips represented a hope for a new beginning, peace, and forgiveness. That seemed to be all the things Jimmy was hoping for.

Jimmy spoke his voice soft he looking like a kicked puppy at the moment he clearly losing confidence by the second. “Is this a bad time?”

Y/N parted her lips to say Yes but Ziva spoke answering for her. “Not at all, I’ll leave you two to it.”

Y/N shot Ziva a glare ignoring her knowing smile and her soft words to Jimmy as she passed him. “Don’t mess this up Jimmy. Good luck.”

Jimmy furrowed his brow wondering just how much Ziva knew?

He shifted in place holding the flowers out the words leaving him. “These are for you.”

Y/N sighed a little bit of fury swirling in her gut. Did he seriously think buying her flowers would make up for the fact that he’d been perfectly willing to use her as a quick lay the night before? Did he really think he could buy her flowers and she’d forget he planned on making her yet another hookup to add to his apparent list?

He spoke again, his heart sinking realizing she wasn’t taking them. “I just..I-I wanted to apologize for last night.”

Y/N spoke, her voice still sounding harsh. “I told you to forget it Jimmy. It was a mistake. We aren’t on the same page.”

“It wasn’t a mistake though...or I don’t think it was a mistake.” Jimmy insisted.

He sighed knowing he had to just be honest with her and hope that she could accept it. “I always say the wrong thing. It’s a curse. I have a big fat mouth and I ruin every good thing in my life. My job is the only thing my mouth hasn’t totally ruined for me.”

He let out a soft sigh finding the words he should have said last night. “I don’t want my big mouth to ruin us. I think we need to talk.”

He paused relieved that her face had softened a little bit she seeming less closed off. He took a deep breath as he spoke up explaining it all. “When I mentioned it not being my first experience with uh...that...last night. I didn’t mean that I make a habit of you know…”

“Fucking your coworkers.” Y/N responded being blunt about it.

Jimmy felt his cheeks flush nodding his head as he replied. “I don’t just sleep with people without it meaning something. I promise you I wouldn’t sleep with you or even kiss you if it didn’t mean something to me. I swear on my life. I did a really poor job of explaining myself last night.”

He cleared his throat deciding to just be transparent about it all. “I had a relationship with someone who used to work here...it wasn’t much of a relationship really. It was more focused on sex than anything. We had a tendency to uh...have encounters at work. Michelle and I...it was complicated.”

He paused knowing it did no good to get into the secrets that had been exposed about Michelle Lee or her treason or the story behind it. He was sure that was confidential information that wasn’t meant to be shared.

He spoke again knowing the best way he could explain it. “It’s a long complicated story. All I can say though is that we really weren’t good for each other. I felt used to be honest. It felt like she was only interested in sleeping with me but not anything else that went into a relationship. We were sexually compatible but she wasn’t there for me in the way I needed her to be. So, I broke up with her.”

Y/N felt the words leave her soaking up this information. Part of her wanted to think that there had to be more to the story than what he was telling her, but he seemed so genuine. “So, that’s what you meant by this isn’t the first time I’ve done this?”

Jimmy nodded his head his cheeks flushing this entire conversation feeling somewhat awkward. What if she judged him for it? What if she was disgusted by it? Then again did she have a reason to be, after all they’d been clearly headed towards getting intimate at work last night.

He spoke the words still sounding so genuine. “The break up was rough but it needed to happen. Like I said, we were bad for each other. There were a lot of secrets on her end that I can’t even get into.”

She furrowed her brow wondering just why he couldn’t get into it. He spoke again struggling to explain himself. “Trust me it’s complicated.”

He paused, taking a deep breath. “I would never use you as a means to get laid. When I kissed you last night it’s because I wanted to. I’ve wanted to do it for a while actually. It’s all I can think about when I see you. I am pretty crazy for you to be honest. I think I’ve made that pretty clear.”

“I think you have.” She replied knowing he’d been so quick to always shoot her flirty smiles and attempt to tell her jokes no matter how truly awful they were. Then again she was always fast to return those smiles and laugh at those bad jokes.

She gave him a soft smile, his heart lifting as she spoke. “I think I’ve been pretty clear about how I feel as well.”

Jimmy took a deep breath holding the flowers out again. “Do you think I can ask for another chance? I’ll try not to let my big mouth ruin anything this time.”

Y/N gave him her answer she standing up from her desk and leaning up her lips pressing to his. He embraced her, still somehow keeping a tight grip on the bouquet he was holding. This kiss was much more innocent than the passionate kisses they’d shared the night before but somehow this kiss seemed all the better.

She parted her lips from his her voice soft. “I think I can give you a second chance. I don’t mind your big mouth.”

He pressed his lips to hers again as she spoke. “I should have heard you out last night. I jumped to the worst conclusion like an asshole.”

“It’s okay, I mean...I froze up and didn’t explain myself at all.” He replied refusing to let her take all the blame.

They shared another kiss before he spoke the words falling out of him, his big mouth striking again. “Do you think we could try for a repeat of last night?”

He felt his stomach drop fearing the worst. His fears evaporated though as she spoke. “Maybe the next time we work late we can give that another shot...maybe in my office this time though...Autopsy isn’t exactly a romantic destination for me. Before that though I think I’d like a dinner date and maybe trying it out in a bed first.”

He felt a lovesick smile cross his lips at her words.

For once his big mouth was working in his favor.

#Jimmy Palmer #NCIS #NCIS fanfic #Jimmy Palmer fanfic #Jimmy Palmer X Reader #Jimmy Palmer imagine #jimmy palmer fanfiction #ncis fanfiction

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lovingmyselfcore · 3 years

Text

(and it dies) a million little times

Part 1 of 2:

For you I would ruin myself

I have to post something so I still feel like I'm accomplishing things while I write (what was going to just be the other half of this) the second part of this. And also while I wait for inspiration so strike for Protect You or Skate Into My Heart because I promise I haven't given up but I have commITMENT ISSUES LEAVE ME ALONE

ANYWAY this is for@the-love-yourself-journal (or I guess @perseusjackson-jasongrace) who is the literal queen of Jercy idc. She got me to ship them in the first place so thanks babe

Ps Percy isn't white because canon Percy isn't white fight me

It felt wrong, hiding such a secret from her. He and Annabeth had always been honest with each other, it was why they had been drawn together from the moment they met.

She was definitely the best marriage option he had seen. Despite that, despite being able to converse with each other in a way that most married couples they knew could not, there was something missing.

When he’d met the blonde-haired boy, he realized what it was.

Percy had struggled his entire life with this. This sickness. It had always been drilled into his mind that people experiencing what he was experiencing was wrong, sinful, in fact. So he never spoke of it. Never spoke of being attracted more to the boy next door than the girl. Never spoke of the fact that aside from his wedding night, years ago, he’d never had sex. He couldn’t. Not with her. Not with any her.

Laughing blue eyes, annoyingly perfect teeth.

He couldn’t tell her. At best, she’d laugh, then ignore it. At worst, she’d tell everyone, and he couldn’t imagine what would happen to him then.

A horrific death on the street, most likely, followed by a long, agonizing stay in Hell for his sins.

A small, faded scar on his upper lip from his childhood.

Percy was sitting at his desk in his office, pretending to work while actually waiting for him to appear. As always before he actually showed up, Percy’s mind ran rampant. His own brain spat insults at him, his gut twisted at what he was doing. What he was doing to Annabeth. His heart screamed at him for not being able to stop himself, from not fighting harder to go back to being in love with Annabeth, despite knowing he’d never been. His soul longed for its other half.

The way his nose would scrunch when he laughed, the laugh only Percy could draw out of him.

Percy shifted in his chair. His tie was too tight around his neck, he was going to suffocate. Maybe he should. The clock continued ticking, as it always did.

The feel of his hands, on his face, his hips, his back.

“He is here to see you, Mr. Jackson.”

“Send him in.” Voice professional, practiced, despite the lurch in his gut. His brain, his heart, his soul all screamed louder, arguing their own points. Waging their violent war within him.

As always, the sight of him quieted them all.

Percy stood, adjusting his tie, and made his way over to the man leaning against his now closed door. His throat bobbed as Percy approached.

Percy lifted a hand and traced that scar, his voice barely above total silence, “I’ve missed you.”

Jason Grace’s breath was hot on his hand. His voice matched Percy’s, “You will be my ruination.”

“You are already mine.” Then Percy lunged forward, capturing his lips.

Looks like his soul had won this one. Again.

~~~~~

Piper McLean fidgeted uncomfortably with the hem of her skirt. She’d ruined many perfectly good skirts like this. Sitting. Waiting.

“Sooner or later you’re going to completely unravel one of those.” Piper looked up and was met with gray eyes. The same gray eyes that had been staring at her all day. She’d been staring right back.

“The children’s break is short,” Piper murmured back, standing from her stool.

“Indeed,” Annabeth replied, moving forward to take Piper’s hands.

“What are we doing?” Piper’s voice was hoarse, scratchy. “We have husbands.”

“Indeed.” Was all Annabeth said again, her grip on Piper’s hands tightening.

“I love Jason,” Piper said, mostly to herself.

Annabeth’s lips pursed, “I love Percy.” She took another step forward, Piper was almost completely pressed against her teaching desk. She dropped Piper’s hands to cup her face, and Piper’s eyes fluttered closed in response. “But not like I love you.”

Piper opened her eyes, “We are going to destroy each other.”

“I would gladly destroy myself for you, moya solnishka.”

“Don’t you feel bad?” The distress in Piper’s voice forced Annabeth to pull back. Her eyes held a level of concern that made Piper’s breath catch.

“I do,” She conceded after a moment of silence, “For lying to Percy. For lying to everyone in my life. For having to hide you. For having to hide us. But I do not feel bad for loving you.” Her voice held a note of desperation, she was begging Piper to understand. “Do you?”

Piper didn’t respond for a beat too long, Annabeth pulled further away, her face flushed.

Their time was up, the laughter of the children echoed through the schoolhouse as they returned.

“I’m sorry,” Piper said.

Annabeth shook her head, “No, Piper. I’m sorry.” Her eyes were miserable, “Forgive me.”

For what? Piper tried to ask but the lump in her throat stopped her.

“I have ruined you,” Annabeth said simply. “I am forcing you to go along with my sins.” Her back was straight, her face was empty, but Piper could see how hard she was fighting to keep it that way.

Piper shook her head but Annabeth didn’t see it, she was walking out of the door already.

Oh, gods. What had she done?

~~~~~

“How was your day?” Jason asked his tone the same forced lightness it had been for months.

“It was good! Nothing out of the ordinary.” Her tone was the same.

Jason nodded from his seat at the couch, “Good. That’s very good.”

“What about you?” Piper’s hands were shaking as she laid the plates on the table.

“My day was the same,” Jason said as he slid into a chair at the table.

Piper looked at him for a long moment and came to a decision.

“Jason?” She asked, clutching her fork tightly.

“Yes?” He looked up from his plate.

“I would like to visit a friend after dinner.”

Jason nodded, “Of course. I’ll invite over one of my coworkers while you’re gone.”

As they resumed their meal, they seemed lighter than they had all evening.

~~~~~

Piper knew she couldn’t very well just appear on Annabeth’s doorstep, so after she washed the evening dishes she called her.

Her fingers were heavy as she slid the ring to dial the numbers she had long ago memorized.

Piper’s hopes were answered when Annabeth was the one to pick up the phone.

“Annabeth,” She was breathless. “I-” She remembered Jason and her voice dropped low, “I need to see you.”

Annabeth was speechless and Piper wished she could see her face, “May I see you?”

Annabeth’s voice was just as low with an edge Piper couldn’t name, “Yes. Yes. Meet me.”

She didn’t have to say where. Piper knew. The place they’d always meet at. That secret place, filled with their sin. Their secrets. Their agonized love.

Piper hurriedly stuck the phone back in its place and pulled her coat over her shoulders. She kissed Jason on the cheek and was out the front door before he could respond.

~~~~~

Jason sat, bouncing his leg until Piper had been gone for long enough. (It may not have even been long enough, it was just until he could not wait any longer.)

He raced to the phone and dialed the number engraved on his heart.

“Hello?” Percy asked. Thank god. Jason hadn’t thought of a decent excuse to give Annabeth if she’d been the one to answer.

“Can you get away tonight?” Jason asked.

Percy waited for a beat, as if in thought, before responding. “Yes, I can.”

Jason smiled, “Piper is out for the evening. You could come here.”

“I’m on my way.” Jason laughed at how quickly the words fell out of his mouth and the hurried click signifying he hung up.

~~~~~~

Annabeth trailed her lips up the column of Piper’s throat, and breathed deeply through her nose, “Is that a new perfume?” They were in their spot, a dark, shadowy corner in between two factories, hidden away from the rest of the world.

Piper dug her fingers into Annabeth’s shoulders, “Yes,” She knew what Annabeth wanted to ask, but knew she wasn’t going to put Piper in that place. “It’s for you.”

Annabeth froze and pulled an inch away from her spot on Piper’s jaw. “It smells good,” Her voice was hoarse and she resumed her ministrations along Piper’s jawline.

“Annabeth, about this morning-” Annabeth cut her off, shaking her head.

“No. It’s alright, sweetheart. You don’t need to apologize for your feelings, ever.”

“The rest of society would disagree.”

Annabeth understood her meaning and ducked her head to hide her face. “How long can we keep doing this?” Desperation.

“I don’t know,” Piper wrapped her arms around the other girl’s shoulders and pulled her flush against her.

Piper breathed deeply, feeling the warmth of Annabeth’s body, a stark contrast to the metal of the factory wall at her back. “All we can do is live in the moment.” Piper pulled Annabeth’s face away from her neck. “Damn the rest to hell.”

Annabeth nodded, “Damn the rest to hell.” Then they were kissing again.

~~~~~~~

When the doorbell rang Jason raced to answer it, feeling like an excited puppy.

Percy was leaning against one of the pillars on the porch. He was beautiful; Jason had yet to see a time where he wasn’t. Shining green eyes, so painfully alive, that black hair Jason knew he frequently fought with to make it ‘work appropriate’. The lean, toned body that Jason often found himself staring at, or thinking of.

Percy was surveying the neighborhood, the picture of unruffled aside from the tightness in his lips. When he heard Jason open the door, that tightness vanished, replaced instead by the grin that Jason had fallen in love with in the first place.

Whoa. Reel that back in. Calm down, Grace. No love here. Just a drug that always gave him the high he needed. No love. That makes it too serious. This is harmless fun. Well, not harmless.

“Jason?” Percy interrupted his spiral and Jason realized he’d been staring silently, that he hadn’t let Percy inside.

He shook his head, “Sorry.” He stepped back, opening the door wider. Percy walked in and threw himself on the couch, looking perfectly content and at home. As if what they were doing wouldn’t result in pain, physical and emotional.

He could always go back, he reminded himself. There was always an out. He was addicted to the poison that was Percy Jackson, but he could always escape.

The click of the door closing was a death sentence.

He could always get out, right?

~~~~~~~

It had been a few days since Annabeth and Piper had seen each other, the two women were teachers at the same school, yet they always seemed to miss each other. In the hallways, the break room, before and after classes, they could never catch more than fleeting glances and the swish of hair and hips around a corner. Annabeth was determined to change this.

She saw a flash of brown hair that she immediately registered as Piper, glancing at the clock to make sure she had enough time before her students were expecting her, she nearly sprinted after the other girl.

Piper was leaning against the wall when Annabeth found her, grinning. Her eyes, shards of multicolored glass Annabeth always found herself drowning in, were glittering in the harsh light. Annabeth stalked closer and Piper’s grin didn’t fade.

“Oh no,” She drawled, leaning enough to rest a hand in the curve of Annabeth’s waist, attempting to tug her forward. “You caught me.” Annabeth couldn’t resist Piper’s smile and met it with her own, the smile she only gave Piper. “What will I, this poor damsel, do?”

This was risky. This was really fucking risky. They were basically out in the open, where another teacher or staff member or even the students could easily find them.

Piper reached up and drew the pad of her finger against that crease in Annabeth’s brow and Annabeth knew she was done for. Piper smiled, this one soft and adoring, and Annabeth melted through the floor.

Annabeth gave up on trying to stay as unaffected as possible, pressing her lips to Piper’s. Piper pressed herself closer as if she was trying to mold them into one person. The soft, smooth contours of Piper against Annabeth’s sharp, hard edges of Annabeth was like some kind of poetry. It was probably a metaphor about who they were as people, blah blah blah. She didn’t have time to think about damn metaphors. Not while Piper was here, kissing her like she actually wanted this. Like she’d do anything to keep this. Annabeth knew it wasn’t true, knew Piper wouldn’t ruin her life for this. (She didn’t blame her, but it was nice to pretend sometimes)

Piper smiled into the kiss and mumbled, “This is nothing like how the fairytales normally go.” Annabeth let out a surprised laugh.

Piper pulled away, staring unflinchingly into Annabeth’s eyes, the storms she was responsible for keeping at bay. “Gods,” She turned her head and Annabeth had no idea where this was going with this. “This is better than any of those fairy tales.” Then she moved, winding her hands into Annabeth’s hair, and kissed her again.

Gods, she’d fallen for this girl. She had no idea when it had happened. Maybe 30 seconds ago, maybe the first time they’d met, three years ago. Maybe it was when Percy was on business trips, which meant that Annabeth could work without anyone to make her sleep, eat or anything ‘healthy’ and Piper would come over. Make her take breaks from her work. Listen to Annabeth rant about things she knew she didn’t understand. Annabeth had so many plans, to escape this hell town, fight for her rights, build something permanent somewhere she loves with someone she loves and be unafraid to live. She also had even more impossible dreams; to build something. Piper humored her, always listened to her, attention never wavering. It was more than Annabeth could ever ask for.

She was more than Annabeth could ever ask for.

Annabeth pulled away, telling her as much and something flashed in those kaleidoscope eyes but she didn’t respond.

“Piper?” Hazel’s voice echoed into the hallway they were in. Piper leaped off of her, hurrying to straighten herself.

Hazel rounded the corner right as Piper and Annabeth had gotten themselves together.

The woman smiled at them and looked at Piper when she spoke, “Leo needs to see you,” Piper opened her mouth but Hazel cut her off, “I have no idea why.”

"Okay, thanks," Piper said, definitely too out of breath for it to be anything but suspicious. Piper hesitated a second longer, fighting to not look back at Annabeth but finally, she walked off.

Annabeth smiled awkwardly at Hazel and the other girl grinned but it quickly turned somber, "I don't know what you're doing, Annabeth." She shook her head, "I don't want to know. But I want you to know this," She stepped forward and clasped the other girl's hands in hers. "I care about you. I care about Piper. Be careful, please." Her wide gold eyes were begging, "Be careful, Annabeth."

"I'm trying," Annabeth tried to say but it came out a choked whisper. "I'm trying."

Hazel nodded and leaned forward so they were touching foreheads. "I'm scared for you."

Annabeth wanted to reassure her, but the words got caught in her throat. They both knew Annabeth couldn't promise anything.

~~~~~

Percy was staring at Jason.

This wasn't a rare occurrence, the opposite, actually. Percy could often be found staring at Jason.

But there was something about Jason Grace under the moon and her stars that was absolutely breathtaking.

His head was tilted back, eyes closed, breathing deeply, a small smile on his lips. The starlight seemed to wrap around him, shielding him from the world, announcing him as one of them. His blonde hair was damp from their earlier shower and the moonlight danced through the silky strands. Gods, Percy thought, taking him in, he's ethereal.

He was leaning back on his hands, ankles crossed over the edge of his porch.

They were in Jason's backyard, sharing a smoke; Percy took a long drag, trying to ground himself. Piper would surely be back soon, he didn't have much longer. He needed to come back to earth and distance himself from the star that was Jason Grace.

When Jason's eyes fluttered open and he turned those crystal-blue masterpieces on him, his smile growing into something wide and soft and fond, Percy knew he was done for. Fuck coming back to earth.

Jason reached over, and plucked the cigarette from between Percy's lips, and brought it to his own. He leaned back to stare at the sky again and Percy leaned sideways until his head was pillowed in Jason's lap.

Jason kept one hand on the deck to prop himself up and ground the cigarette out, dropping it to comb his free hand through Percy's hair.

"We should leave," Percy said suddenly, breaking the peaceful silence.

Jason's hand stilled briefly. "What?"

"Leave town, together."

"Where would we go?" He didn't sound angry (thank the gods), he kept his voice soft, but Percy could hear that note of disbelief.

"Anywhere," Percy replied and Jason huffed a laugh above him.

"That's not much of a plan. Besides, we have lives here."

"You're all I need," Percy said, way too sincerely, tracing a pattern on Jason's knee with his index finger.

Jason's hand stilled again and Percy cursed himself and everything that existed to make him say that. Now I've scared him away, Percy thought bitterly and got off Jason's lap.

Jason was staring at him with a look Percy couldn't decipher, his lips parted slightly. Percy wanted to kiss him; this wasn't the time to kiss him. Keep it together.

"Perce-"

"Jason!" Piper's voice carried out the back door and wrapped around the two of them like a vice.

Jason went considerably pale and Percy stood up. "I'll see you whenever I see you?" Percy said.

Jason just nodded, still staring at him.

Percy opened the backdoor and stepped inside, saying a brief 'hello' and 'goodbye' to Piper before finally making it back to his car.

He slammed his hands on the hood and cursed, "Stupid, Jackson. That was stupid." he opened the car door with considerably more force than necessary and sat down heavily. "Fucking idiot." And now he had to go home to Annabeth and pretend nothing was wrong. Great.

~~~~~

It started with the notes. Sticky notes with slurs scrawled on them (against his race, his orientation, anything they could get a hand on), in horrible handwriting, stuck to his desk at work. Jason didn't mention any, but when he took his coat off and draped it on Percy's couch, one fell out, crumpled as if Jason had furiously shoved it in his pocket.

Percy had picked it up, saw what was written there, and knew that this wasn't a coincidence. Someone knew. Someone knew about them and wasn't very happy about it.

He'd briefly wondered if it was Annabeth, but no, she didn't seem to be angry at him or disgusted, but she had been colder lately. When the notes started appearing in places that weren't as public as his desk, Percy got more concerned.

He still hadn't talked to Jason about it; the notes and what had transpired on Jason's porch either.

They'd elevated too. Notes in his car, calling him a disgrace to his family and god. But Percy wasn't as worried as he probably should've been. After all, this person was hiding behind ink and paper, if they had something to say, they could do it to his face.

But when they started threatening him, Percy finally spoke to Jason about it.

"Have you been getting notes?" He asked.

Jason was sprawled on Percy's bed, sans shirt, arm thrown over his eyes as if shielding him from the light.

Percy himself was sprawled next to Jason, head on his chest, legs twined together.

Jason peered down at him, blinking wearily. His glasses were sitting on the side table. "What?"

"Notes," Percy said as if this explained everything. "That are calling you-" He swallowed and Jason's eyes tracked the movement.

"Yeah," Jason said finally. "I haven't been too concerned." A lie. If Percy knew Jason at all (and he did) the other boy had been worrying himself to death over this, afraid to tell anybody, panicking and overthinking alone. The thought made Percy's chest ache.

"I wasn't going to mention it," Jason said.

"Me either, but this recent one," He trailed off, already doubting if he should be worrying Jason over this. But it did technically involve him.

Percy pushed off of Jason and the other boy made a whining noise in the back of his throat. Percy grinned as Jason flushed in embarrassment.

Percy pulled the crumpled note out of his discarded jacket and read aloud to Jason, who was still on the bed, "I know all about your illicit affairs-"

"Oh, how proper."

Percy snorted, "Tell me about it." He cleared his throat, "Anyway. -with Jason Grace." Jason stiffened. They knew his name. "If you don't do what I want I will tell Annabeth and Piper all about it. And maybe more than just the two of them, too.”

“Mhmm. And we believe them?”

“I’m not sure,” Percy said tossing the note onto the nightstand and belly-flopping onto the bed next to Jason.

“If you did, you wouldn’t be here,” Jason said, practically.

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I know you.”

Percy smiled, "Yeah, I guess you do."

Jason smiled back, only for a few seconds before his face fell; Percy felt his heart jump to his throat. "What are we going to do?"

"You already have an idea," Percy said, staring at him.

"You're not going to like it."

Percy sighed, "Let's hear it."

"We can't see each other."

Percy shot to his feet. "No! I'm not letting some heathen," He pointed angrily at the note. "Bully me into staying away from the man I love."

Jason went deathly still and Percy's brain finally caught up to what just happened.

"'Man you love'?" His voice was quiet and Percy didn't know how to read that.

"Yeah," Percy whispered. "Yes."

Jason wasn't looking at him and every second that passed, Percy felt his heart chipping away.

"I-" Jason swallowed and wet his lips. "I love you." His voice was hushed as if he was scared to be heard.

Percy stared at him for a beat of bated breath before lunging at him. Jason laughed as his back collided with the mattress.

Jason held Percy's face in his hands and looked him over, drinking everything in before kissing him.

The notes could wait.

30 notes · View notes

echo-hiraeth · 3 years

Text

Newlyweds - Jack “Agent Whiskey” Daniels x F!Reader [NSFW]

Summary: When Jack and y/n are assigned a mission that requires a cover, they are assigned the role of husband and wife. But the suave agent can’t contain himself any longer and doesn’t want to play pretend anymore.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, spice, NSFW 18+ only

Masterlist

This mission wasn’t at all what you’d expected it to be. Some crazed millionaire seeking world domination and infinite power wasn’t all that unusual to you, but the way you had to go about stopping him was different. So here you were, standing in the five-star-hotel’s lobby, dressed in clothes more expensive than your fucking car, your fellow agent’s arm slung across you waist. Champ had paired you together with agent Whiskey, his boosted ego already getting on your nerves.

“Ready doll?”, he whispered in your ear as you approached the counter.

“Just get it over with”, you mumbled, faking a smile as the woman behind the counter greeted you.

“Good afternoon, how can I help you today?”, she asked excitedly, tilting her head at the two of you.

Jack placed a hand on the counter, leaning against it. “My wife and I have a reservation, the name’s Brandy.”

The lady typed away on her keyboard. In the meantime Jack pressed a peck to your forehead, making you have to fight the urge to kick him in the nuts. “Ah yes, the honeymoon suite, ninth floor. Congratulations Mister and Missus Brandy! Here’s your key, your bags will be brought up shortly, please do feel free to call us if you need anything.”

“Thank you so much”, you cooed as you took the key from her hand.

The two of you headed towards the elevator, Jack’s hand comfortably resting on your lower back as you did so. As soon as the metal doors slipped closed you swatted his hand off of you. “No need to take advantage of the situation, Daniels”, you huffed.

“Oh come on sugar, we need to make it somewhat believable. We’ve been trying to get this guy for weeks and this is the closest we’ve gotten.”

You closed your eyes, trying to keep your mouth shut when the doors suddenly slipped open. He took your hand as he walked you down the hallway, nodding his head at a maid along the way.

When you reached the dark double doors to your sweet the two of you came to a halt. You slowly slipped the key into the lock, sucking in a breath when the doors opened to reveal a gorgeous and luxurious loft. Jack slowly closed the door while you had a look for yourself.

There was a small dining area connected to a tiny kitchen with a see-through fridge filled with alcoholic beverages. To your left you found a bathroom consisting of a lavish walk-in shower and the other facilities you’d expect to find there. The bedroom was gorgeous, the huge bed stood in the middle, directly under the mirrors that found themselves on the ceiling. You ran your hand over the silky bedsheets, the sheer softness of them sending a shiver throughout your being. In the corner of a room stood a luxurious hot tub, the windows behind it looking out over the city. On the other side of the bedroom you spotted a lounging area and huge television. This place was fancy as fuck.

A knock at the door startled you as you were drawn from you inner thoughts. You watched as your pretend-husband opened it, helping the staff member haul your bags inside.

“Mister Brandy, if you’d let me”, he spoke, rolling a tray filled with desserts and champagne into the room. “It is our great pleasure to have you and your wife with us to celebrate something so special.”

“Pleasure’s all ours, thank you”, he ensured the man, smiling as he slipped him a hundred dollar bill.

The member of staff left without another words, leaving the two of you alone once again. “Well dearest wife, care for a toast?”, Jack taunted as he winked at you.

“I could do with a glass”, you chuckled as you sat down on the edge of the bed.

He popped the cork off, elegantly pouring two glasses before walking over to you. A smirk set on his lips as he handed you the glass, softly skimming his fingers across yours. The two of you clinked your glasses together before each taking a sip, his eyes focused on you the entire time.

You’d worked some cases with him before and were not to keen on working with him again. He always drove you crazy, the flirting and small touches made your mind wander to places really not appropriate for work. Jack was known to be flirtatious, you were well aware, but it was getting harder and harder for you to resist his attempts and caring gestures. Having to play his wife for the week surely wasn’t helping. The continuous strokes and embraces drove you more insane than he ever had.

“You need to get changed, event starts in less than an hour.” You looked up at him to find him already staring back at you, tilting his head in confusion. “You okay, doll?”

“Uh – yeah, was just thinking about how I’m going to get to him later”, you lied, getting up off the bed and carrying one of your suitcases to the bed.

“Intel is not sure he’ll be there tonight, but some of his people should. Just try to get around and talk to as many people as you need. It is absolutely crucial we find out his location tonight, Tequila will be on stake-out outside”, he informed while you slowly pulled a black bag out of your suitcase.

When you zipped it open it revealed a long, revealing, satin, maroon dress. You chuckled nervously upon seeing the thigh-slit. “I thought we were supposed to blend in.”

“You take the bathroom first, I’ll freshen up after you”, he instructed, handing you a small bag filled with toiletries.

The moment you left that bathroom all dressed up, was the moment Jack’s heart stopped. He felt the palpitations with every step you took, your heels clicking in time with the thumps in his chest. He cleared his throat, quickly disappearing into the bathroom to finish up as well. It wasn’t like him to lose his composure like that, he just didn’t expect you to look that sexy. The agent splashed some cold water on his face, patting it dry with a hand towel right after, not wanting to get his suit wet. He’d had his eye on you for quite a while now but had tried to keep things professional. The risks that came with being a Statesman weren’t minimal and even though you were a strong woman, he couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt. He decided to make the most of your fake marriage, seeing how he thought you had no interest in him like that whatsoever.

He calmy left the bathroom, telling you that it was time to go. You’d just finished strapping your gun to your upper right thigh, asking him if it was hidden alright. He nodded, urging you to follow him. The elevator ride was silent, awkwardly silent.

“You’re looking really dapper tonight, Daniels”, you started.

He scoffed, looking at you. “I look like a glorified hillbilly next to you… You look stunning, doll.”

You blushed a bit at that, taking his hand in your as you reached you designated floor. When you entered the banquet hall you felt overwhelmed by all the people and flashing lights, the jazz music a pleasant mitigator as Jack leaned over to you.

“See that lounge up the stairs, they’re with him, that’s where we need to go”, his breath was hot against your neck as he spoke, trying to avoid any further suspicion by kissing you there. “Our informant will introduce us to them and then it’s all us from there.” He pressed a peck to your cheek before breaking apart, dragging you through the crowd.

“Ah! The newlyweds!”, you informant laughed, engulfing the both of you in a hug. “If I may say”, he continued, grabbing a hold of your hand, bringing it to his lips and swiping his tongue across the wedding band, “you look amazing Miss.”

“Missus”, Jack corrected him, wrapping a protective arm around you.

The informant smirked, encouraging you to follow him. You got into the small lounging space without a problem, a waiter offering the three of you a drink, which Jack gratefully accepted.

“Emilio! Come meet my friends!”, your informant yelled, a scrawny-looking man walking over to the three of you. “These are the Brandy’s, the banker and his wife I told you about.”

“Ah yes, I remember you telling me about them. Forgive me, but your names seem to have slipped my mind”, Emilio smirked, shaking hands with the two of you.

“John Brandy, and this is my wife Leah, pleasure to meet you”, Jack grinned, his grip around your waist tightening ever so slightly.

“Leah, let me introduce you to my wives, by all means, join them for some games. I think me and your husband have some business to attend to”, the man suggested, though it sounded more like an order.

“Gladly, I’ll let the big boys get to work”, you taunted, not feeling to happy with the man’s derogatory attitude.

Jack smiled at you, proud at your daring character. He pressed a tender kiss to your lips before winking and walking away with the man, leaving you breathless. What. The. Fuck.

You quickly waved the thought and lingering burn of it away and you joined the women on the leather couches. While Jack was off talking with the righthand of your culprit, you worked on getting some information out of the girls. Your newly assigned mission become more and more successful with every drink the girls downed, their integrity and sworn secrecy decreasing with every sweet drop of liquor. Not to come off as suspicious, you drank along with them as well, or so it seemed, you kept dumping your glass into another girl’s, which went by unnoticed every time. You pretended to be just as drunk as them, giggling and flailing your arms as you spoke.

When Jack came back he wore a proud smile on his face until he spotted you. An adoring smile tugging at his lips. “Okay, okay, looks like someone’s done drinking for the night”, he chuckled as he took the glass from your hands.

You whined in response, making a bit of a fuss, as a drunk person might. He supported your weight as you slumped against him, Emilio and the informant giving Jack a knowing grin. “Take care of that one, Brandy. You’re lucky you found her before I did.”

He balled his hand in a fast, forcing a smile and nodding his head at them as he helped you to the exit. You were giggling and telling the wildest story as he pressed the elevator button. As soon as you stepped inside and the doors closed you stood up straight, sighing to yourself.

“Quite the performance y/l/n”, Jack joked.

“Why thank you agent Whiskey.”

Jack filled you and Tequila (over the earpiece) in about his newly acquired information, as did you.

“So he’s on the same floor? Just untouchable?”, Tequila questioned.

“Until tomorrow. I scored a meeting with him, though I doubt it’ll be any good, the guy’s got a whole army up there”, Jack replied, loosening up his tie.

“We’ll go from there, we did the best we could for tonight”, you said, bent down to take your heels off.

“She’s right, talk tomorrow Tequila”, Jack mumbled as the elevator dinged, signalling you’d reached your desired floor.

Another loaded silence filled the room as the two of you sat down on the couches. Jack was trying to keep himself from jumping you, your dress making it nearly impossible for him to think.

“You’re thinking too loud”, you joked, lifting up your dress to unstrap your gun from your thigh.

His eyes followed your every movement and lingered on the exposed flesh, his hardening length pressing against the fabric of his pants. “Sugar, I’m gonna need you to get changed.”

You raised your brow in confusion until you laid eyes on him. His hands were balled into fists on the armrests, eyes screwed shot, chest raising and falling with laboured breaths. A devilish smirk appeared on your face as you went to stand. “What’s wrong cowboy, thought you could deal with some heat?”

“Stop”, he warned, lustful eyes burning into yours.

“I don’t know, I quite enjoy seeing you so… desperate.”

And there it was, with a swift tug on your lower arm he pulled you on top of him. Faces only inches apart. His hand hovered over your exposed back, suddenly pushing you into him, hungry lips devouring yours. You let out a moan as his tongue swiped across your plump lips, keenly allowing him entrance. His tongue stroked yours lovingly, his hands wandering over your body through your dress.

He picked you up, bringing you over to the bed and dragged the zipper on your side down as he gently laid you flat on your back. “As much as I love this little number on you, I’d much prefer to have it on the ground right about now.”

“By all means Mister Brandy, do what you must”, you purred as you pushed his jacket over his broad shoulders. A grunt sounded form his chest as he lifted the satin fabric over your head, leaving you in nothing but a pair of lacey thongs.

“Fuck doll, you look amazing. I’ve been dreaming of this”, he mused, hurriedly opening the buttons of his dress shirt, letting it cascade onto the hardwood floors.

You tugged on his belt as he kissed along your collarbones, hands cupping your naked breasts ever so gently. When the buckle gave way you opened the button, pushing his pants down his ass, further sliding them down with your feet, until they also hit the floor.

He softly caressed your cheekbone as he hummed: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

You smirked before rolling him over, smoothly climbing on top of him, straddling his waist. “What’s wrong Jack? Nervous?”, you taunted, softly sucking on the skin of his neck.

The man groaned, roughly grabbing your ass with one hand while the other brought your face back up to his. “I’m not sure I can keep things professional if we do this.”

Your lips slowly covered his again, as you started slowly moving back and forth against his crotch. His tongue became more needy and fervent, his body aching with anticipation. “As if they every were in the first place. I can’t stop thinking about you either”, you uttered, cupping his bulge through his boxers while leaning down to catch his lips in another searing kiss.

He grabbed onto your hips as you dragged his underwear down, encouraging you to just get on with it already. With his boxers halfway down his thighs and your thongs hastily shoved to the side, you slowly sunk down on his erection. You closed your eyes and threw your head back as you slowly took in every inch of him. He grunted from the sensation and divine sight in front of him, his hands coming up the squeeze your breasts, making you gasp. You slowly started moving your hips when suddenly you heard a familiar voice coming from the hallway. Jack was groaning beneath you, eyes closed and blissfully unaware. You quickly covered his mouth with your hand, stilling your movements as you focused on the noises outside.

“Fuck, that’s him”, you cursed as you got off of him, slipping his shirt on before grabbing your gun.

Jack watched you, visibly confused. “Darlin’, I’m gonna need an explanation here”, he chuckled as he watched you, putting his boxers back on.

You quietly opened the door, motioning for him to shut up as well. Your suspicions were confirmed as you saw your target right down the hallway. Without a doubt, you screwed the silencer onto the barrel of your fun. Jack promptly came up behind you, electric lasso in hand. The two of you shared a knowing look before you stepped out into the hallway, barely covered up.

With two shots his bodyguards were taken care of and within seconds your target was trapped within the grip of Jack’s lasso. You walked up to him, expertly catching the cuffs Jack tossed over to you before fastening them around the man’s wrists.

“Did I interrupt something important here?”, the culprit joked, eyes locked on your barely covered form.

“Where the hell are your manners?”, Jack let out, carelessly knocking the man out. “Don’t you ever disrespect a lady like that.”

You wore a confident smile, hands on your hips as you locked eyes with him. “Tequila will be up in a second, how about you and I get back to that suite?”

“Who am I to deny my wife on the night of her honeymoon.”

He swept you off your feet, carrying you back into the room and kicking the door shut.

“You wish cowboy”, you laughed, slipping off the wedding band.

“Keep that on doll, it suits you”, he uttered, pressing a fiery kiss to your mouth.

“Maybe one day when you give me one yourself.”

#pedro pascal #agent whiskey #jack daniels #kingsman #statesman #imagine

61 notes · View notes

forcefully-awoken · 3 years

Text

hello! this is for the citrus dome's Gods AU Part 2 electric boogalo. you can find the other amazing works right here!

Summary: The sea calls to you, but then again so does the beautiful maiden at the stable next door.

Poseidon! Tsuyu x F! Reader

warnings: period typical misogyny, suicide attempt, angst angst angst, cunnilingus

WC: 2.7k

The sea is calling to you again.

It whispers, day and night, like a siren, a lover, beckoning you come closer, dip your toes in the water. It says to dip your head in, your heart, let it swallow you whole. It knows your heart, the waves say. The sea knows your soul, knows you as if you are it’s own daughter. The wants you, nearly as much as you want it.

But now your mother is calling you, beckoning you home. You turn, forcing your eyes away from the crashing waves, letting them trail over the sandy beaches to the rolling hills. There’s only a lecture waiting for you at home. You walk home as slowly as possible, taking the twisting path that leads to the stable next door to your home. The hem of your dress brushes the dirt- another lecture.

Lecture after lecture is how your life is divided. Your dress isn’t tight enough, no now it’s too tight. You shouldn’t slouch, well, now you’re just showing off your chest. You should find friends your own age- no, friends don’t show each other affection like that! You can already hear your mother yelling about standing around, doing nothing as you stare out into the distance, lost in thought about how you’ll distract her and steal away to your bedroom when you see her.

You’d heard rumors about a young woman joining the workers of the stable but you didn’t believe them until now. There she was, brushing a horse and whispering quietly too it. You knew it couldn’t be just a slight young man, not from her hips, the waist you wanted to wrap your hands around, from the long curtain of black hair so dark it looked green in the setting sunlight. Your feet move without you thinking- and then suddenly you’re next to her.

“What a beautiful horse,” You murmur out, reaching a hand up to stroke it’s soft hair. The woman smiles at you, all teeth, bright eyes as green as the seaweed that sometimes floats to shore. Neither of you speak- hell, you don’t even offer up your name which your mother would have a fit about your failing manners. You simply stand in silence, petting the horse and she brushes it.

Your hands touch, barely anything at all, your pinky against hers, but it’s enough- there’s a shock wave that rolls through your body, a fire being lit from within like you’ve never felt before.

The earth moves, and when it’s finally done moving you run home, not daring to look back.

You think you might go out, back to the stables the next morning. Surely, it must have been some weird fluke of nature that the earth moved as your skin met the other woman’s, and maybe you could still salvage something. Have a friend close by that didn’t know all about the wicked things people said about you. Your father puts a quick end to your plans with a simple statement at breakfast.

“I think it’s time for you to get married.” His tone of voice leaves no room for arguments, and even your mother won’t meet your eye when you look towards her pleadingly. You should have known this was coming- at twenty, almost twenty one, you’re an old maid to them both. “I have arranged for an acceptable suitor to come for dinner, two nights from now. Please make sure that you’re here and dressed appropriately.” You murmur your agreement and that’s that.

The dinner in question is awful. The man your father thinks of as an acceptable suitor is nothing like you would have picked for yourself, even if you had to pick a man. He’s rude, and his hands are rough when he takes yours. His larger hand dwarfs yours completely, and he puts too much pressure on yours so it’s almost painful. You’ve heard talk of him from the girls in town- about this brute of a man who visits houses of ill repute, who pays more just to be a little mean, who’s been kicked out of them more times than anybody can count but has the money to buy his way in again.

He talks business with your father the whole meal and doesn’t even look at you. The two of them talk and talk and talk and never once does your intended look at you, really look at you. Your mother sends you a soft, sad smile but that hardly helps. Dinner could be the most delicious meal you’ve ever had, and perhaps it is with how your father wants to impress the man but the meal tastes like ashes in your mouth, tastes like nothing but sadness and a lifetime of looking the other way. You wonder if you can choke on it, and end the matter here and now.

But you don’t choke. You play your part far too well. You’re the doting daughter, lovely and mysterious and virginal (because of course the man had to ask and your father was quick to assure him.) They shake hands at the end of the dinner and that’s it. Your whole life is slipped away just like that, like it’s another day at the office for your father, like it’s nothing at all to him to consign you to this fate.

This time when you steal out of the house late at night your feet move with a very simple thought: you just want to get away. You get as far as the waves, let them lap at your ankles and wonder what it would be like to give into that delicious urge to submerge yourself entire into the sea. They wouldn’t notice your absence until morning and by then you’d be gone, far gone.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you,” A voice calls out to you. Your head whips around so fast it hurts and you see her sitting there, in the sand. The woman from the stable. She’s dressed like a man, something you find yourself envying her for because it has to be easier to run away if you’re wearing pants. “The sea likes pretty girls like you. It would swallow you down.”

“Maybe that’s what I want,” You whisper more to yourself than her. Still, you move back, sighing and sitting next to her. There’s a voice in your mind that sounds like your mother, chastising you for messing up your dress, for letting your guard down around a stranger.

When you look at the woman she’s looking at you. You feel drawn to her, compelled closer and closer.

“I’m Tsuyu,” She says, smiling when you give your own. “If you want to rebel a little I can help you with that. No need to throw yourself into the ocean when I’m right here.” You think she’s lying around her name because she won’t meet your eyes but nothing sounds better than rebellion.

Her lips taste like the sea when they meet yours.

It’s so easy to give into Tsuyu, to let her press you back onto the blanket she had spread out. Her tongue traces the seam of your lips and your mouth parts for her, just as easy as your legs do for her to slide between them, holding herself over you. It’s your first kiss, and as far as you know it won’t be your last, though it sears itself into your mind as the only kiss that will matter to you. Her tongue slides against your own, twisting around it in a way that sends a shiver down your spine.

Your hips roll up and Tsuyu’s hands hold them down again. Her mouth leaves yours, moving down to your throat, nipping at your exposed pulse point. The fire inside of you is growing again, threatening to burn your heart out, but the soft sigh Tsuyu gives against your skin helps, even a little.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” She murmurs, reaching to help you out of your clothes. It’s a tangle of limbs and cloth but soon enough you’re in your under things in front of her- a slip that hardly hides anything and your underwear. “Like a mermaid.”

“Seen a lot of mermaids?” You break off into a squeal as her lips close over your nipple, sucking on it through the thin cloth that separates you from her. Your fingers tangle in her silky hair, tugging on it just this side of painful that makes her teeth come into play. You swear they’re sharper, longer than a normal humans but she nips at you other nipple and you don’t really care that much anymore. Her fingers are moving the straps down your shoulders, until the cold night air hits where her mouth has been.

“Oh, fuck,” Tsuyu breathes out when your chest is exposed to her. Your hands come up automatically to hide yourself but she’s quicker, pinning them back down. “Don’t hide from me, don’t you dare.” If you thought her mouth was hot before it’s scalding now. Her teeth scrape against your skin, leaving sharp rivers of pleasure behind. She’s still fully dressed, something you want to change but you can’t think, can’t do anything but lay back and let her have her way with you.

Your slip comes off, and then your underwear, and for the first time in your life someone who isn’t you is touching your most intimate area. You haven’t explored much down here, being such a sweet girl and your parents bedroom sharing a wall with yours, so Tsuyu’s fingers feel even more shocking. She parts your folds easily, and brushes up against a small bundle of nerves that has you jumping back. Her hands grip your thighs, digging into the flesh and bringing you back closer to her. You have to hide your face in your hands, one over your mouth to smother any noises that might escape.

“I wonder if you taste as sweet as you look,” You don’t even have time to question what she means before her mouth is on you, sucking at that bundle of nerves that has you damn near screaming against your hand. Her fingers come up, lithe and clever, spreading you open, using the wetness she finds between your legs to push them into you. There’s some burning but mostly just waves after waves of pleasure, the fire inside of you is an inferno, burning off anything you carried before. Her tongue is in you, pressing up against something that has you openly weeping into the night, your body curling around her head until you’re shaking, begging for her to stop.

“Rebellious enough for you?” Tsuyu asks, giving a sharp bite to your inner thigh. You can only reply with a laugh, accepting her help in getting dressed again. You’re lucky it’s the middle of the night, there’s no way anybody would believe you had simply just slipped and fell. You look like a mess, like you’ve been out to sea.

Tsuyu walks you to the gate, and when you turn back she’s gone. You think you see her disappear into the tide.

Your mother finds out about your late night excursions to meet Tsuyu after they’ve been happening for nearly two weeks.

She’s incandescent with rage- about how this might affect your upcoming marriage, about the shame it will bring upon the family, about what people might think. The only consolation is at least you can’t be pregnant. Still, your wedding gets moved up to as soon as your mother can make it happen.

You’re locked inside your room for two whole weeks, left to waste and wallow in your own depression. Preparations are made but you aren’t consulted. You can hear people outside the door, can see out the window, the sea is in the distance and yet here you remain.

Your wedding is too soon upon you, the happiest day of your short life but it feels like you’re walking to the gallows as you walk down the aisle. The man who’s to be your husband waits at the end of it, leering at you in a way that makes your skin crawl. Your father gives you away, and somewhere in your heart you think you might hate him. There’s to be a party, a reception in the newlyweds honor and then you have to leave the only home you’ve ever known to go off with a stranger whose name you can’t even remember.

When he takes your hand the earth stands still, when he speaks to you it sounds like boulders crashing into another, when his lips brush yours the fire inside you turns to embers, trying to fade itself out. You smile as much as you can as you look into his eyes- brown like mud. You resign yourself to a lifetime of this, of being only partially true to yourself.

It only takes half a glass of wine for you to find your courage. The alcohol makes your brain go fuzzy almost immediately and you find yourself slipping easily away from your new husband, something about needing to use the bathroom, and then you’re alone for the first time all day. Nobody’s watching you as you leave the garden, or listening as the lock on the gate snaps shut behind you. Nobody cares about where you’ve gone as you march with determination down to the beach.

Your dress is large and cumbersome but it’s perfect for what you have in mind. It acts like a weight as you step into the sea. It holds you as you keep walking, out into the waves that welcome you like friends, drags you down so that you can’t fight. There’s a moment of brief panic before your head is submerged but falling into the depths of the ocean doesn’t feel like giving up, doesn’t feel like running away, it feels like coming home. It feels like belonging and acceptance and the brush of Tsuyu’s lips against yours.

The salt stings your eyes but as they close you would swear you can see her swimming towards you.

You wake on a bed of hard stone.

You’re alone in a room, also made of stone, and everything is beige and you wonder if this is what the afterlife is just like- monotonous. There’s nobody around and your dress isn’t even wet. It’s also not the dress you remember wearing as you walked into the ocean. There’s a window and when you look out of it you scream.

You’re underwater.

Your scream brings someone running, you can hear the footsteps. You don’t even think to hide as Tsuyu walks into the room. Her skin looks different now, it’s taken on a pale green sheen to it. She’s wearing some sort of wrap, like you’ve seen in history books, like they wore centuries ago. Her smile breaks wide and- you knew it. Her teeth are wrong. They’re sharp and pointy and predatory but you don’t feel scared at all.

“I’m sorry,” She starts, walking towards you, palms up to show she means to harm. “I lied to you, somewhat. My name is Tsuyu now. You might have heard me called Poseidon.”

Poseidon. Earth shaker. King of the sea, of storms, of horses. Your vision swims in front of you and you sit on the hard stone once more.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a man?” You find yourself asking, the only thing that can come to mind. Tsuyu tilts her head back, letting out a loud laugh.

“I can be whatever you want me to be,” She replies, taking a seat next to you. “Say the word and it will be yours.”

“Why?” You don’t jerk away when her hand finds yours, so much warmer than your own is right now, “Why me?”

“You were so beautiful and your eyes were so sad,” Tsuyu says, looking into your sad eyes now. “And I wanted to change that.” You think on her words, on what she’s offering. The world, the whole ocean laid at your fingertips, the only thing you’ve ever wanted. You think of the life you’ll give up if you say yes, of the responsibilities that lay on your shoulders like an anchor. You think of how that man’s eyes trailed over your body, you think of the bright green of Tsuyu’s.

“I want you,” You say, after a long moment of thought. “Only you.” There’s no denying the predatory nature of her grin now, but any screams you give that night aren’t fearful.

And they’re swallowed by the waves, just as you were.

#suicide tw #tsuyu x reader #tsuyu asui x reader #♟.collab #♟.bnha #♟.tsuyu

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grace-sully · 4 years

Text

Jealous

* this is not my gif; all credit goes to the owner.

Paring: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2667

Summary: JJ likes you but hasn’t asked you out yet because of the rule, but he sees someone flirting with you and gets Jealous.

Requested: yes! - Can you do a jealous jj maybank imagine??

A/N: this is by far the most i've ever written but it was a fun request to write. Hope this was what you were looking for!! <3 also im very, very sorry it's taken so long pls forgive me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You had joined the infamous Pogues after moving to the Outer Banks when you were 9 and lived in the neighbouring house of JJ. He first spoke to you when he and John B were climbing trees in his back garden. Curious as to what the two boys were playing, you joined in. Back then it was just you, John B and JJ against the world, and you would make in known.

Pope later joined the three of you after being in some of the same classes with you and the boys, and were instantly drawn to his honesty, charm and it also didn't hurt that he was so smart, you could get him to help you all out with your homework.

Then came Kie and as much as you loved the boys, you were so glad there was finally a girl around. You and her became best friends almost immediately when you saw her surfing one day alone, and later invited her to join you with the others. You then learned that she was technically a kook, but was surprised when she was completely different from the stuck up rich that occupied Figure 8, and was actually bearable to be around.

And from then on, you had always been the voice of reason within the Pogues.

However, anyone could see there was clearly something special between you and JJ. Everyone in the town believed you two already were together or would end up together eventually. You had been one of JJ's closest friends his entire life, behind John B that is, whenever you two were together, the space would just be filled with laughter, constant bickering and just enjoying each other’s company.

You couldn’t see him that way, or so you told yourself. You were both completely different, and would never work as a couple. And besides, even if you did like him, he would never want to date you anyway. And due to the ‘no Pogue on Pogue macking’ you never thought of him or any of the other Pogues in that way and tried to avoid having a romantic relationship for obvious reasons.

It was a typical summer evening for the Pogues. After spending a day on the water, swimming, listening to music and being around each other's company, Kie suggested getting food at her parent’s restaurant. And the thought of free food made you and the other Pogues agree instantly.

Once Kie persuaded her dad in letting you all eat the leftovers, Mr, Carrera banished you all to a secluded table at the back of his restaurant, away from any of the actual paying customers.

Sitting down with JJ to your left, you conversed with the other Pogues before you saw Kie return with a tray of food and jug of water for you all to enjoy.

You shrieked in shock as you felt something cold being smeared across your cheek, turning around you saw JJ sat beside you, owning a smug look on his face and ketchup covering his fingers.

Grabbing a spare fry that was lying on the table, you threw it in his direction. Hitting him directly in the chest, he faked being hurt, holding his chest.

He then retaliated by throwing another fry at you. Soon it became a full on food fight between you two, while you giggled until you were out of breath.

“Can we not be kicked out by my dad please,” Kie spoke, trying to stop the chaos that you and JJ created.

He chuckled, stopping his movements before sipping his drink and digging back into his food that sat in front of him. You followed suit, still giggling.

“Shit!” John B squealed, quickly picking up a cup he knocked over in the chaos of yours and JJ’s spontaneous fight, and moving a few things out of the way from the spilled water to not get wet.

“Really John B, right in front of my salad,” Kie said, staring at the brunette boy trying to clean up the mess he made.

“Don’t worry I get some napkins” you sighed, John B gave you a nod in thanks and you found yourself walking up towards the countertop to grab the napkins.

As you grabbed a pile of napkins from the bartop, you felt a hand on your waist and a head lean against your shoulder while feeling someone breathing against your ear.

You were surprised when you turned around to be greeted by a very familiar face.

“Hi.” Harry, a colleague from your work greeted you as he leaned in to kiss your cheek, “I wasn’t expecting to run into you in this fine establishment.”

The flirty banter between the two of you is not new. You had met Harry when he started working during your second month of being at the Figure 8 Country Club. He was a natural flirt, some people would call it cocky, but everyone knew he was harmless.

You haven't seen him in about a month due to the hurricane that swept through the island a few weeks back, and then scheduling issues kept you apart from most of your work friends.

“I could say the same to you.” you reply, still a little surprised to see him here.

“It’s my parents anniversary.” He said simply, looking over his shoulder to a group of people all sat at a table on the opposite end of the building, chatting amongst themselves.

You nodded, coming to terms that it wasn’t just you and your friends at the Wreck, like it usually felt like when you were all together, stealing the scraps from Mr. Carrera.

He chuckled, leaning his elbow on the countertop to get a little closer to you, focusing all of his attention on you, “So, how have you been since the hurricane and all?”

“I’ve been alright. Helping out folks where I can,” you chuckled, before pointing behind him to the table where you all sat “and hanging out with my friends how about you?”

“Been good, time away was fun, missed your beautiful face though” he said through a smirk

“Easy, ” You warn, rolling your eyes and smacking his arm playfully before shaking your head and walking back to where your friends were, but you noticed Harry following after you.

As you approach the table, you noticed how JJ’s knuckles were gripped into a fist. His eyes were following behind you to where Harry was, which caused you to raise your eyebrow slightly at him. He saw your wandering eye and just scoffed, ignoring the look you were giving him as he took a sip of his water and sighed, watching as you proceed to introduce the Pogues to Harry.

“Guys this is Harry who I work with. Harry this is John B, Kiara, Pope and JJ.” you introduced pointing to each appropriate Pogue.

You had spoken fondly about Harry to your best friends. He was a great stress relief at work and it was nice to interact with someone different from who you usually hung out with. He was a few years older then you so you didn't share any mutual friends and never saw him around at parties.

“Hi. It’s so good to meet you all.” Harry grinned, extending his hand out to Pope and John B, who both returned his polite greeting, Kie gave him a small wave from across the table, while JJ let out another loud sigh obviously meant to be heard.

“You too.” JJ replied, voice full of sarcasm, as he waved his right hand while taking a sip of his water with his left.

Sitting yourself back down in your seat beside JJ, you gave him a slight nudge with your shoulder to ask him what was the matter as you knew he was a lot more polite when he met people so it certainly surprised you when his expression towards Harry seemed a little dry. You assumed that he was just tired, as his dad had been giving him a hard time recently and he had been living at John B’s for a few days now. But unbeknownst to you, JJ’s blood had been boiling the moment he had witnessed Harry approach you at the counter top.

Harry made friendly conversation with John B and Pope, while you focused all of your attention on the way JJ had been when you were talking with Harry. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Harry walk around the table and stand behind you, feeling him lean his body weight against the back of your chair that you were sitting in, causing you to focus back in on the conversation happening around you.

“Well I just can't wait to have Y/N all to myself again!” Harry placed his hands atop of your shoulders massaging them gently as all of the Pogues around you chuckled, including you to try and make it seem like you have been listening all this time and not thinking about the blonde boy next to you .

Watching Harry's hands remain on your shoulders, he was not happy about the way Harry had been acting around you. It was a strange feeling being jealous, he definitely wasn’t used to it. Deep down he knew he had no reason to feel this way because you weren’t his.

That was it. He had had enough. He slammed his fist against the table, gaining the attention of the other Pogues and marched in the direction of the exit, leaving you just as confused as the others who all sat with confused faces, they watched as JJ stormed out of the building, baffled as to what had caused his sudden tantrum.

You quickly turned over to Kie with a confused look on your face, mouthing a 'what the fuck’ to see if she had picked up on something you didnt, before getting up from your seat to quick to follow after your best friend. Curious about what caused his sudden outburst.

You found him standing outside by the deck, his back to you. His knuckles were still white as they gripped the wooden railing in front of him as he huffed, raking his fingers through his own hair.

“What the fuck was that?” You called out to him as you walked up to him. You stopped a few meters behind him waiting for him to answer, “What the hell has gotten into your head?”

He wasn’t his usual carefree self right now, that was obvious. You crossed your arms across your chest, a stubborn stance that couldn’t even come close to the outrage that sparked in your eyes.

He quickly turned back to look at you and you noticed that his jaw was tightly clamped shut, his fists would stay firmly by his sides and was trying to regain his composure by controlling his heavy breathing, but failing miserably.

“I don't like him,” he said firmly, shaking his head lightly. The tension in his body made him stand rigid as he continued to stare at you with steam coming out of his ears.

“What are you talking about?” you asked him confused.

"The way he put his arm around you. The way he talks to you. The way he acts around you, Y/N, okay i don't like it! He was flirting with you!" he practically yells at you as he begins to pace back and forth on his feet, his body still completely rigid as he moves back and forth not even bothering to look at you.

“Is that what all of this is about?” You shook your head, raising your eyebrows to try and challenge him as you crossed your arms against your chest. “You’re jealous of Harry?”

“Y/N, I’m serious,” He paused his movements, looking at you dead in the eyes to hint what he was really trying to say to you when not knowing exactly how to express what he had been feeling for years now. To be honest with you and not wanting to ruin the beautiful friendship that you've had over the years.

“No, tell me why it bothered you so much.” you ran your hand through your hair, and rolled your eyes, Unable to believe how childish he was being,

"He was flirting with you!”

“That’s just him JJ. He’ll flirt with a rock if he could!” You shook your head and took a deep breath. From an outsider's position, it may look like Harry was trying to come on to you, but anyone who really knows Harry, knows that it's completely harmless, and anyone who watched you knows your heart truly belongs to the boy stood in front of you now, “Are you telling me that you’re mad because someone was flirting with me in your presence?”

“Yeah i'm mad, i'm mad that they are gunna get your attention and you'll go off with them!” he said hanging his head low, finally letting some of the tension leave his body from partially admitting his feelings for you.

You remained silent, waiting for him to elaborate on what he meant. A part of you knew what he was about to say and you were hoping he would say it. You had been dreaming about it for years. But another part of you refused to believe that it was even possible that he had reciprocated feelings for you.

He sighed as he lifted his head to watch your reaction to what he was about to say, “I’ve liked you. For a long, long time now. And I know the rule, no Pogue on Pogue, so I never said anything about it. But this summer has made me realize how much I liked you more than just as a friend. And I know I probably fucked up our friendship for good now but… I don’t think I can keep it to myself for any longer.”

JJ liked you. Hearing him say this made you feel a huge weight lift from your chest, as you no longer needed to keep it to yourself either.

“JJ,” You bit down on your lip as you moved closer to him so you were now standing a foot away from him. “I like you too.”

With a huge grin plastered across your face, you let out a slight giggle, watching the smile on JJ’s face was the most amazing sight you had ever seen.

He put a hand on the back of your neck and pulled you to him, his lips against yours with his other hand at your waist. You were hit with the reminder of how it felt to have his soft lips on yours.

You had only kissed him once before. A Touron at a boneyard party was being super clingy to JJ and he just wanted to shake her, so he claimed that you were his girlfriends and weren’t interested in her. She, of course, didn’t believe him so he kissed you to make it more believable. You had been comfortable with doing so as you had been wanting to get rid of her all night. This was a real kiss, filled with love and passion. You melted into the kiss, holding JJ closer. Wanting to pinch yourself to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

After a few moments, you both pull away, pressing your foreheads together, out of breath.

“Oh my god.”

You quickly pulled away from JJ and turned to see John B stood with his eyes wide, staring at the two of you still wrapped up in each other’s arms, shocked at what he had just walked in on.

“Dude, it's not what it looks like,” JJ tried to explain.

“Pope!, you owe me $20!” He exclaimed as he ran back the way he came

You giggled. “I think we have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Sounds like they already know,” JJ smiled and kissed Y/N’s forehead before wrapping an arm around her and leading her back to the rest of the Pogues.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please give it a reblog and leave some love <3

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96harmony96 · 3 years

Text

Chapter 7

I don’t remember much of what happened after we arrived. Camera flashes burst around us like fireworks as we walked the length of the press gauntlet, but I scarcely paid them any mind, smiling by rote. I was drawn into myself and desperate to get away from the tension radiating in waves from Lauren.

The moment we crossed over into the building, someone called her name and she turned. I slipped away, darting around the rest of the guests clogging the carpeted entrance.

When I reached the reception hall, I snatched two glasses of champagne from a passing server and searched for Cary as I tossed one back. I spotted him on the far side of the room with my mom and Stanton, and I crossed to them, discarding my empty glass on a table as I passed it.

“Camila!” My mother’s face lit up when she saw me. “That dress is stunning on you!”

She air-kissed each of my cheeks. She was gorgeous in a shimmering, fitted column of icy blue. Sapphires dripped from her ears, throat, and wrist, highlighting her eyes and her pale skin.

“Thank you.” I took a gulp of champagne from my second glass, remembering that I’d planned on expressing gratitude for the dress. While I still appreciated the gift, I was no longer so happy about the convenient thigh slit.

Cary stepped forward, catching my elbow. One look at my face and he knew I was upset. I shook my head, not wanting to get into it now.

“More champagne, then?” he asked softly.

“Please.”

I felt Lauren approaching before I saw my mother’s face light up like the New Year’s ball in Times Square. Stanton, too, seemed to straighten and gather himself.

“Camila.” Lauren set her hand on the bare skin of my lower back and a shock of awareness moved through me. When her fingers flexed against me, I wondered if she felt it, too. “You ran off.”

I stiffened against the reproof I heard in her tone. I shot her a look that said everything I couldn’t while we were in public. “Richard, have you met LaurenJauregui?”

“Yes, of course.” The two shook hands.

Lauren pulled me closer to her side. “We share the good fortune of escorting the two most beautiful women in New York.”

Stanton agreed, smiling indulgently down at my mother.

I tossed back the rest of my champagne and gratefully exchanged the empty glass for the fresh one Cary handed me. There was a slight warmth growing in my belly from the alcohol and it loosened the knot that had formed there.

Lauren leaned over and whispered harshly, “Don’t forget you’re here with me.”

SHe was mad? What the hell? My gaze narrowed. “You’re one to talk.”

“Not here, Camila.” sHe nodded at everyone and led me away. “Not now.”

“Not ever,” I muttered, going along with her just to spare my mother a scene.

Sipping my champagne, I slid into an autopilot mode of self-preservation I hadn’t had to use in many years. Lauren fintroduced me to people and I supposed I performed well enough—spoke at the appropriate moments and smiled when necessary—but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was too conscious of the icy wall between us and my own hurt anger. If I’d needed any proof that Lauren was rigid about not socializing with women she slept with, I had it.

When dinner was announced, I went with her into the dining room and poked at my food. I drank a few glasses of the red wine they served with the meal and heard Lauren talking to our tablemates, although I didn’t pay attention to the words, only to the cadence and the seductively deep, even tone. SHe made no attempt to draw me into the conversation and I was glad. I didn’t think I could say anything nice.

I didn’t become engaged until she stood to a round of applause and took the stage. Then I turned in my seat and watched her cross to the podium, unable to help admiring her animal grace and stunning good looks. Every step she took commanded attention and respect, which was a feat, considering her easy and unhurried stride.

She looked none the worse for wear after our abandoned fucking in her limo. In fact, she seemed like a totally different person. SHe was once again the woman I’d met in the Crossfire lobby, supremely contained and quietly powerful.

“In North America,” she began, “childhood sexual abuse is experienced by one in every four women and one in every six men. Take a good look around you. Someone at your table is either a survivor or knows someone who is. That’s the unacceptable truth.”

I was riveted. Lauren was a consummate orator, her vibrant baritone mesmerizing. But it was the topic, which hit so close to home, and her passionate and sometimes shocking way of discussing it, that moved me. I began to thaw, my bewildered fury and damaged self-confidence subverted by wonder. My view of her shifted, altering as I became simply another individual in a rapt audience. SHe wasn’t the man who’d so recently hurt my feelings; she was just a skilled speaker discussing a subject that was deeply important to me.

When she finished, I stood and applauded, catching both her and myself by surprise. But others quickly joined me in the standing ovation and I heard the buzz of conversations around me, the quietly voiced compliments that were well deserved.

“You’re a fortunate young lady.”

I turned to look at the woman who spoke, a lovely redhead who appeared to be in her early forties. “We’re just…friends.”

Her serene smile somehow managed to argue with me.

People began stepping away from their tables. I was about to grab my clutch so I could leave for home when a young man came up to me. His wayward auburn hair inspired instant envy and his eyes of grayish-green were soft and friendly. Handsome and sporting a boyish grin, he lured the first genuine smile out of me since the ride over in the limousine.

“Hello there,” he said.

He seemed to know who I was, which put me in the awkward position of pretending I wasn’t clueless as to who he was. “Hello.”

He laughed, and the sound was light and charming. “I’m Christopher Vidal, Lauren’s brother.”

“Oh, of course.” My face heated. I couldn’t believe I’d been so lost in my own pity party that I hadn’t made the connection at once.

“You’re blushing.”

“I’m sorry.” I offered a sheepish smile. “Not sure how to say I read an article about you without sounding awkward.”

He laughed. “I’m flattered you remembered it. Just don’t tell me it was in Page Six.”

The gossip column was notorious for getting the goods on New York celebrities and socialites. “No,” I said quickly. “Rolling Stone, maybe?”

“I can live with that.” He extended his arm to me. “Would you like to dance?”

I glanced over to where Lauren was standing at the foot of the stairs that led to the stage. SHe was surrounded by people eager to talk to her, many of whom were women.

“You can see she’ll be awhile,” Christopher said, with a note of amusement.

“Yes.” I was about to look away when I recognized the woman standing next to Lauren—Magdalene Perez.

I picked up my clutch and managed a smile for Christopher. “I’d love to dance.”

Arm-in-arm we headed into the ballroom and stepped onto the dance floor. The band began the first strains of a waltz and we moved easily, naturally into the music. He was a skilled dancer, agile and confident in his lead.

“So, how do you know Lauren?”

“I don’t.” I nodded at Cary when he glided by with a statuesque blonde. “I work in the Crossfire and we’ve run into each other once or twice.”

“You work for her?”

“No. I’m an assistant at Waters Field and Leaman.”

“Ah.” He grinned. “Ad agency.”

“Yes.”

“Lauren must really be into you to go from meeting you once or twice to dragging you out on a date like this.”

I cursed inwardly. I’d known assumptions would be made, but I wanted more than ever to avoid further humiliation. “Lauren’s acquainted with my mother and she’d already arranged for me to come, so it’s just a matter of two people going to the same event in one car rather than two.”

“So you’re available?”

I took a deep breath, feeling uncomfortable despite how fluidly we moved together. “Well, I’m not taken.”

Christopher flashed his charismatic boyish grin. “My night just took a turn for the better.”

He filled the rest of the dance with amusing anecdotes about the music industry that made me laugh and took my mind off lauren.

When the dance ended, Cary was there to take the next one. We danced very well as a couple because we’d taken lessons together. I relaxed into his hold, grateful to have him as moral support.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” I asked him.

“I pinched myself during dinner when I realized I was sitting next to the top coordinator for Fashion Week. And she flirted with me!” He smiled, but his eyes were haunted. “Whenever I find myself in places like this…dressed like this…I can’t believe it. You saved my life, Camila. Then you changed it completely.”

“You save my sanity all the time. Trust me, we’re even.”

His hand tightened on mine, his gaze hardening. “You look miserable. How’d she fuck up?”

“I think I did that. We’ll talk about it later.”

“You’re afraid I’ll kick her ass here in front of everyone.”

I sighed. “I’d rather you didn’t, for my mom’s sake.”

Cary pressed his lips briefly to my forehead. “I warned her earlier. SHe knows it’s coming.”

“Oh, Cary.” Love for him tightened my throat even as reluctant amusement curved my lips. I should’ve known Cary would give Lauren a big brother threat of some sort. That was just so like him.

Lauren appeared beside us. “I’m cutting in.”

It wasn’t a request.

Cary stopped and looked at me. I nodded. He backed away with a bow, his gaze hot and fierce on Lauren’s face.

Lauren pulled me close and took over the dance the way she took over everything—with dominant confidence. It was an entirely different experience dancing with her than with my two previous partners. Lauren had both the expertise of her brother and Cary’s familiarity with the way my body moved, but Lauren had a bold, aggressive style that was inherently sexual.

It didn’t help that being so close to a woman I’d so recently been intimate with seduced my senses despite my unhappiness. SHe smelled scrumptious, with undertones of sex, and the way she led me through the bold sweeping steps made me feel the soreness deep inside me, reminding me that she’d been there not long ago.

“You keep running off,” she muttered, scowling down at me.

“Seemed like Magdalene picked up the slack quick enough.”

Her brow arched and she drew me closer. “Jealous?”

“Seriously?” I looked away.

SHe made a frustrated noise. “Stay away from my brother, Camila.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

My temper ignited, which felt good after all the self-recrimination and doubts I’d been drowning in since we’d screwed like feral bunnies. I decided to see if turnabout was fair play in Lauren Jauregui’s world. “Stay away from Magdalene, Lauren.”

Her jaw tightened. “She’s just a friend.”

“Meaning you haven’t slept with her…? Yet.”

“No, damn it. And I don’t want to. Listen—” The music wound down and she slowed. “I have to go. I brought you here, and I would prefer to be the one who takes you home, but I don’t want to pull you away if you’re enjoying yourself. Would you rather stick around and go home with Stanton and your mother?”

Enjoying myself? Was she kidding or clueless? Or worse. Maybe she’d written me off so completely that she wasn’t paying attention to me at all.

I pushed away from her, needing the distance. Her scent was messing with my head. “I’ll be fine. Forget about me.”

“Camila.” SHe reached for me and I stepped back quickly.

An arm came around my back and Cary spoke. “I’ve got her, Jauregui.”

“Don’t get in my way, Taylor,” Lauren warned.

Cary snorted. “I get the impression you’re doing a smokin’ job of that all by yourself.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “You gave a wonderful speech, Lauren. It was the highlight of my evening.”

She sucked in a sharp breath at the implied insult; then shoved a hand through her hair. Abruptly, she cursed and I realized why when ahe pulled her vibrating phone out of her pocket and glanced at the screen.

“I have to go.” Her gaze caught mine and held it. Her fingertips drifted over my cheek. “I’ll call you.”

And then she was gone.

“Do you want to stay?” Cary asked quietly.

“No.”

“I’ll take you home, then.”

“No, don’t.” I wanted to be alone for a bit. Soak in a hot bath with a bottle of cool wine and pull myself out of my funk. “You should be here. It could be good for your career. We can talk when you get home. Or tomorrow. I’m going the couch potato route all day.”

His gaze darted over my face, searching. “You sure?”

I nodded.

“All right.” But he looked unconvinced.

“If you could go out and ask a valet to have Stanton’s limo brought around, I’ll run to the ladies’ room real quick.”

“Okay.” Cary ran his hand down my arm. “I’ll get your shawl from the coatroom and see you out front.”

It took longer to get to the restroom than it should have. For one, a surprising number of people stopped me for small talk, which had to be because I was Lauren Jauregui's date. And two, I avoided the nearest ladies’ room, which had a steady flow of women pouring in and out of it, and I found one located farther away. I locked myself in a stall and took a few moments longer to finish my business than absolutely required. There was no one else in the room besides the attendant, so there was no one to rush me.

I was so hurt by Lauren it was hard to breathe and I was so confused by her mood swings. Why had she touched my face like that? Why had she gotten mad when I didn’t stay by her side? And why the hell had she threatened Cary? Lauren gave new meaning to the old adage about “running hot and cold.”

Closing my eyes, I shored up my composure. Jesus. I didn’t need this.

I’d bared my emotions in the limo and I still felt horribly vulnerable—a state I’d spent countless therapy hours learning to avoid. I wanted nothing more than to be home and hidden, freed from the pressure of acting like I was completely pulled together when I was anything but.

You set yourself up for this, I reminded myself. Suck it up.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out and was resigned to finding Magdalene leaning against the vanity with her arms crossed. She was clearly there for me, lying in wait at a time when my defenses were already weak. My step faltered; then I recovered and made my way to the sink to wash my hands.

She turned to face the mirror, studying my reflection. I studied her, too. She was even more gorgeous in person than she’d been in her photos. Tall and slender, with big dark eyes and a cascade of straight blonde

hair. Her lips were lush and red, her cheekbones high and sculpted. Her dress was modestly sexy, a flowing sheath of creamy satin that contrasted beautifully with her olive skin. She looked like a fucking supermodel and exuded an exotic sex appeal.

I accepted the hand towel the bathroom attendant handed me, and Magdalene spoke to the woman in Spanish, asking her to give us some privacy. I capped the request with, “Por favor, gracias.” That earned me an arched brow from Magdalene and a closer examination, which I returned with equal coolness.

“Oh, dear,” she murmured, the moment the attendant stepped out of earshot. She made a tsking noise that scraped over my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. “You’ve fucked her already.”

“And you haven’t.”

That seemed to surprise her. “You’re right, I haven’t. You know why?”

I pulled a five-spot out of my clutch and dropped it in the silver tip tray. “Because she doesn’t want to.”

“And I don’t want to either, because she can’t commit. She’s young, gorgeous, rich, and she’s enjoying it.”

“Yes.” I nodded. “She certainly did.”

Her gaze narrowed, her pleasant expression slipping slightly. “She doesn’t respect the women she fucks. The minute she shoved her dick in you, you were done. Just like all the others. But I’m still here, because I’m the one she wants to keep around for the long haul.”

I maintained my cool even though the blow had been a perfect hit right where the most damage could be done. “That’s pathetic.”

I walked out and didn’t stop until I reached Stanton’s limousine. Squeezing Cary’s hand as I got in, I managed to wait until the car pulled away from the curb to start crying.

____

“Hey, baby girl,” Cary called out when I shuffled into the living room the next morning. Dressed in nothing but a loose pair of old sweats, he was stretched out on the couch with his feet crossed and propped on the coffee table. He looked beautifully disheveled and comfortable in his own skin. “How’d you sleep?”

I gave him the thumbs-up and headed into the kitchen for coffee. I paused by the breakfast bar, my brows lifting at the massive arrangement of red roses on the counter. The fragrance was divine and I inhaled it with a deep breath. “What’s this?”

“They came for you about an hour ago. A Sunday delivery. Pretty and super pricey.”

I plucked the card off the clear plastic stake and opened it.

“I’m still thinking about you.

Lauren”

“From Jauregui?” Cary asked.

“Yes.” My thumb brushed over what I assumed was her handwriting. It was bold and masculine and sexy. A romantic gesture for a girl who didn’t have romance in her repertoire. I dropped the card on the counter as if it’d burned me and fetched a mug of coffee, praying caffeine would give me strength and restore my common sense.

“You don’t seem impressed.” He lowered the volume on the football game he was watching.

“SHe’s bad news for me. SHe’s like one giant trigger. I just need to stay away from her.” Cary had been through therapy with me and he knew the drill. He didn’t look at me funny when I broke things down into therapeutic jargon, and he didn’t have any trouble shooting it back to me the same way.

“The phone’s been ringing all morning, too. I didn’t want it to disturb you, so I shut the volume off.”

Aware of the lingering ache between my legs, I curled up on the couch and fought the compulsion to listen to our voice mail to see if Lauren had called. I wanted to hear her voice, and an explanation that would make sense of what happened last night. “Sounds good to me. Let’s leave it off all day.”

“What happened?”

I blew steam off the top of my mug and took a tentative sip. “I fucked her brains out in her limo and she turned arctic afterward.”

Cary watched me with those worldly emerald eyes, eyes that had seen more than anyone should be subjected to. “Rocked her world, did you?”

“Yeah, I did.” And I got riled up just thinking about it. We’d connected. I knewit. I’d wanted her more than anything last night, and today I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. “It was intense. The best sexual experience of my life, and she was right there with me. I know she was. First time she’d ever made it in a car, and she was kind of resistant at first, but then I got her so hot for it she couldn’t say no.”

“Really? Never?” He ran a hand over his morning stubble. “Most guys scratch car banging off their fuck list in high school. In fact, I can’t think of anyone who didn’t, except for the nerds and fuglies, and she’s neither.”

I shrugged. “I guess car banging makes me a slut.”

Cary grew very still. “Is that what she said?”

“No. sHe didn’t say shit. I got that from her ‘friend,’ Magdalene. You know that chick in most of the photos you printed off the Internet? She decided to sharpen her claws with a little catty girl chat in the bathroom.”

“The bitch is jealous.”

“Sexual frustration. She can’t fuck her, because apparently girls who fuck her go into the discard pile.”

“Did she say that?” Again, fury laced his quiet question.

“Not in so many words. sHe said she doesn’t sleep with her female friends. SHe’s got issues with women wanting more than a good time in the sack, so she keeps the women she bangs and the women she hangs out with in two separate camps.” I took another sip of my coffee. “I warned her that sort of setup wasn’t going to work for me and she said she’d make some adjustments, but I guess she’s one of those people who’ll say whatever’s necessary to get what they wants.”

“Or else you have her running scared.”

I glared. “Don’t make excuses for her. Whose side are you on, anyway?”

“Yours, baby girl.” He reached out and patted my knee. “Always yours.”

I wrapped my hand around his muscular forearm and stroked my fingers gently along the underside in silent gratitude. I couldn’t feel the multitude of fine white scars from cutting that marred his skin, but I never forgot they were there. I was thankful every day that he was alive, healthy, and a vital part of my life. “How’d your night go?”

“I can’t complain.” His eyes took on a mischievous glint. “I shagged that busty blonde in a maintenance closet. Her tits were real.”

“Well, then.” I smiled. “You made her night, I’m sure.”

“I try.” He picked up the phone receiver and winked at me. “What kind of delivery do you want? Subs? Chinese? Indian?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’re always hungry. If you don’t pick something, I’ll cook and you’ll have to eat that.”

I lifted my hand in surrender. “Okay, okay. You pick.”

____

I got to work twenty minutes early on Monday, figuring I’d skip running into Lauren. When I reached my desk without incident, I felt such relief that I knew I was in serious trouble where she was concerned. My moods were shifting all over the place.

Mark arrived in high spirits, still floating from his major successes of the week before, and we dug right into work. I’d done some vodka market comparisons on Sunday and he was kind enough to go over those with me and listen to my impressions. Mark was also assigned the account for a new e-reader manufacturer, so we began the initial work on that.

With such a busy morning, time flew swiftly and I didn’t have time to think about my personal life. I was really grateful for that. Then I answered the phone and heard Lauren on the line. I wasn’t prepared.

“How’s your Monday been so far?” She asked, her voice sending a shiver of awareness through me.

“Hectic.” I glanced at the clock and was startled to see it was twenty minutes to noon.

“Good.” There was a pause. “I tried calling you yesterday. I left a couple messages. I wanted to hear your voice.”

My eyes closed on a deep breath. It had taken every bit of my willpower to make it through the day without listening to the voice mail. I’d even enlisted Cary in the cause, telling him to restrain me forcibly if it looked like I might succumb to the urge. “I did the hermit thing and worked a little.”

“Did you get the flowers I sent?”

“Yes. They’re lovely. Thank you.”

“They reminded me of your dress.”

What the hell was she doing? I was beginning to think she had multiple personality disorder. “Some women might say that’s romantic.”

“I only care what you say.” Her chair creaked as if she’d pushed to her feet. “I thought about stopping by…I wanted to.”

I sighed, surrendering to my confusion. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

There was another long pause. “I deserved that.”

“I didn’t say it to be a bitch. It’s just the truth.”

“I know. Listen…I arranged for lunch up here in my office so we don’t waste any of the hour leaving and getting back.”

After her parting, I’ll call you, I’d wondered if she would want to get together again after she settled down from whatever trip she’d been on. It was a possibility I’d been dreading since Saturday night, aware that I needed to cut her off, but feeling strung out from the desire to be with her. I wanted to experience again that pure, perfect moment of intimacy we’d shared.

But I couldn’t justify that one moment against all the other moments when she made me feel like crap.

“Lauren, we don’t have any reason to have lunch together. We hashed things out Friday night, and we…took care of business Saturday. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“Camila.” Her voice turned gruff. “I know I fucked up. Let me explain.”

“You don’t have to. It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I need to see you.”

“I don’t want—”

“We can do this the easy way, Camila. Or you can make it difficult.” Her tone took on a hard edge that made my pulse quicken. “Either way, you’ll hear me out.”

I closed my eyes, understanding that I wasn’t lucky enough to get away with a quick good-bye phone chat. “Fine. I’ll come up.”

“Thank you.” She exhaled audibly. “I can’t wait to see you.”

I returned the receiver to its cradle and stared at the photos on my desk, trying to formulate what I needed to say and steeling myself for the impact of seeing Lauren again. The ferocity of my physical response to her was impossible to control. Somehow I’d have to get past it and take care of business. Later, I’d think about having to see her in the building over the days, weeks, and months ahead. For the moment, I just had to focus on making it through lunch.

Yielding to the inevitable, I got back to work comparing the visual impact of some blow-in card samples.

“Camila.”

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