I feel like I was set up from the moment I was born. I was made to fail. I have nothing. Nothing good about me. No brains and not good looking and incredibly bad luck. I hate myself. Everything about me is worthless. I am worthless.
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People will never understand the dark satisfaction I feel when my vision clouds with black dots.
People will never understand the adoration I see myself with when I wipe my mouth and stare at my red rimmed eyes.
People will never understand the delight I feel when I run my fingers along the outlines of my ribcage while laying down.
Sane people will never understand.
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I hate being ugly
I want to be pretty
I want to be cute
I want to be adored
I want to be perfect
I want people to tell me how pretty I am
I want to be smart
I wish I was smart
Why am I so pathetic
I’ll do anything to be something
I wish to be so pretty that people just stare
I want to be so perfect that people are envious
It makes me feel so sick how I think like this; How I want people to feel envy towards me
All I think about is what I did and what I could’ve done to be better
How I’ve wasted most of my life like this
How it might be to late to change
How sad…
May I one day be beautiful like all the other girls I see
Maybe I’ll be so pretty that I’ll be loved
I might one day, just maybe even, love myself.
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No one tells u just how hard it is to love yourself
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I havent posted in a while :( I've let myself go.. still havent reached my goal weight. I know I just need to keep pushing and I can finally be thin. Its literally all I've ever wanted. I need some meanspo to keep me motivated.
Cw: 220lbs Gw:200lbs Ugw:120lbs
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