#i’ve been wanting to draw them ice skating for like 2 years at this point | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mimiplaysgames · 3 years

Text

A Powerful Enough Dream (Ch. 10)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua (eventually) Rating: T Word Count: 6,286

Summary: It’s time to save Ven from Castle Oblivion

Read on AO3

A/N: Woooooow I really didn’t want to take this long to finish this, but you guys know what my mental health is like sometimes. I actually finished two other WIPs before this one, but I’m still not happy with those so I wrote this one out. Thank you all so much for your patience. I hope this was worth the wait. >.<

~*~*~*~*~

Oblivion, pt. 2

Ven, you let Aqua take you home.

No way. I wanna go with you guys.

You can’t. We have a dangerous task ahead of us. I don’t want you to get hurt.

--And what is this dangerous task, Terra? It doesn’t sound like what the Master told you to do.

It might be a different route, but I’m fighting the darkness.

--I’m not so sure. I’ve been to the same worlds as you and I’ve seen what you’ve done. You shouldn’t put yourself so close to the darkness.

Listen to yourself, Aqua. Terra would never--

You mean you’ve been spying on me? Is that what he said to do? The Master’s orders?

--He was only…

I get it.

Terra!

Just stay put! I’m on my own now, all right?

--Terra, please! Listen! The Master has no reason to distrust you, really! He was just worried.

You’re awful, Aqua.

~*~*~*~*~

She’s awful and she knows it.

Terra stands there, his fingers curled into fists, hurt and bewilderment in the strict knit of his brows. Aqua used to tell herself that everything she’s done was for the greater good. Better for everyone, better for Terra, even if he didn’t know it. She knew he felt betrayed. Felt. Since there’s no time in the Realm of Darkness, Aqua hasn’t been able to count how many years it took her to realize that she’s actually betrayed her best friend, how long it took to tell the difference between the two.

“I was only trying to help,” he says.

This isn’t how it goes. Aqua swallows. “I know that-”

“Then why?”

This isn’t the way it’s supposed to happen. “The Master was only looking out for you.” That’s true, at least. He’s always had good intentions.

Terra’s lip snarls. “Was he?”

She doesn’t know anymore. “I was confused and unsure, Terra. I’m so sorry.”

Why is she apologizing now when she already has? When Terra forgave her?

But did he? That happened in a dream.

Terra scoffs as he looks away, a false smile pulled on his face before he shakes his head. “Sorry. You accused me of leading myself to the darkness. Is that what you really think of me? An idiot?”

“No…” Did she?

“You’ve blamed me for everything.”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t,” she whispers. Has she really?

“You’re awful, Aqua,” Terra says.

She knows it. Terra said it. And her heart wretches inside, vomiting an acid that burns her esophagus and is bubbling up, making her head light.

“A curious memory,” a voice says. Xemnas stands behind her. He hums, his voice so deep it almost sounds like a growl.

Terra is gone.

She realizes where she is. Castle Oblivion. An image of Radiant Garden. “It’s false,” she spits.

“Are you certain?” He smiles and it comes slowly, like he takes care in easing into it. “The basic act of remembering is a basic act of storytelling. We take artistic license and smear it each and every time we take a nostalgic trip. You change the details depending on who you decide to recite it to.” He waves his arms open, dramatically drawing out his words. “Depending on your mood, or your motivation, or the meaning you want to take out of it, you alter things to fit a narrative in your head. Our memories are only ever reliable as the most recent story we told ourselves. Are you confident you’d be able to tell the difference?”

“I…”

“Does this playact fit the story you want to tell about yourself?”

She blinks, trying to recall the exact words and in the order of how it happened. Ven was there that day. She’s sure of that.

Right?

Xemnas sighs, eyeing the scene around him, bringing his gloved fingers to his lips. “I don’t have memory of this. But it was an interesting tale.”

Aqua inhales sharply and shakes herself out of her own damn stupor. “It doesn’t matter what you think.”

“I think whatever you saw is a reflection of yourself.” He strokes his hair out of his face. “Therefore, it’s true in its own way.”

“It isn’t!” She can’t believe so. She can’t think about it right now. Despite how much her wrist hurts, she charges at him, the Defender high and energized, loyal and at the ready.

He accepts her challenge with open arms and two swords of hot, red energy, barely floating out of her reach as though to coax her to follow him around. And she follows, because she’s an idiot. Master Aqua doesn’t know what she’s doing even when she thinks she does. Even when she believes in the words she says, or believes that attacking Xemnas is the right thing to do, because he is on Xehanort’s side and there’s no reason to stop flailing at him with the heaviest ice magic she can muster.

Aqua thrusts the Keyblade at him. Stupid move. She knows that. Then why is she making so many mistakes?

Xemnas catches it in between his blades, slicing them away to throw her off balance. She retaliates with a mutter under her breath. Waves of ice shards spew out in circles, stabbing in random patterns. Let’s see him block these.

He does a decent job dodging, but he’s distracted. That’s all she needs.

Aqua tracks the tip of the Defender against the floor. An ice path spits forward. She skates on them, picking up speed to ram directly into him, throwing him against the wall with a sickening thud.

“How’s that for someone less than half your size?”

She inhales deeply, and with it comes magic and the excitement of dance. The anticipation to move and dazzle. She twirls and her Keyblade ignites, gathering energy with each turn she takes in place before it finally combusts in brilliant colors and spackles of white.

Cutting through the beauty is a mess of black smog. “It was radiant,” Xemnas growls, pushing through with that sickness he calls a Nobody’s power, something that drains energy as if it were a black hole.

The void sharpens up with electricity and collapses into millions of shards of its own light, fueled by a massive compression as if warping the air around it. Aqua backs off. It’s not a space she should breathe into. The false-light shoots outward with Xemnas’s command, stabbing in all directions. They’re hard to block. Hard to dodge. Hard to withstand a direct hit and Aqua takes them in the legs, the torso, the shoulders. Some stab her in the face.

By the end, she’s the one splayed out on the floor, the Defender dissipating.

“A waste of my power when we could have had an amicable conversation,” Xemnas says, brushing off his sleeves.

Aqua is sore all over. Her legs don’t want to pick her up.

Ragged breathing (hers) pounds in her ears, interrupted only by the echoes of his steps, tick-tacking up to her slowly, like he’s pretty sure she won’t get up.

Aqua grunts while pressing her palms against the floor. Her good wrist shakes. Her bad one just won’t.

“Back off!”

Sora’s voice.

He’s coming for Xemnas from above, gripping his Keyblade with both hands high above his head as though he’s about to bat a ball and grovel it into the ground. When he makes contact with Xemnas’s back, slicing across, a white electric spark crackles outward, tossing him at a safe distance away from her body.

All Aqua sees when Sora lands are the toes of giant yellow shoes. A warmth settles on her, ticklish and relaxing until it suddenly vanishes too soon. He really needs to work on his Cure spells.

“Think you can handle him?” he asks her, already prepared to fight more. Xemnas picks himself up, brushing his hand on his face. “We can do it together.”

“It’s a waste of time,” she says. Xemnas and false memories and stupid speeches all at once. How many rooms did Sora go through to get here? How much has he lost already?

She sets her eyes on the exit: a gate that would have led to the alleys in the real Radiant Garden. They should go. Should they stay and finish this off?

(I can’t let Sora fight alone. I need to protect Ven from threats. Why am I not spending my time finding him?)

She ends it with, I have to shut myself up. “Can you distract him for me?”

“Sure?”

“Follow me as soon as I call for you,” she commands, marching straight to the door without a glance at the noise combusting behind her. Sora’s yelling with passion and excitement. Xemnas grunts with annoyance. Explosions rumble in between.

She grips the handle and risks looking back. Sora is a good fighter, all improv and no hesitance, like a rocket with no homing device. He dodges attacks while tossing up mockery and teases (he might as well drop the Keyblade and stick his tongue out while gesturing with his fingers). Xemnas shows off fanciful and destructive magic that is both inefficient in aim and wide-reaching. So much of his hits are collateral damage.

Sora gets knocked onto his knees. She’s about to run to him when he bounces back, blocking another direct hit and redirecting it.

He’s okay.

She should trust him.

“Focus, Aqua,” she chides herself. Regardless of how much fun Sora is having, he’s depending on her to move forward for everyone’s sakes. She thinks about nothing, she thinks about Ven. Sleeping in that throne all by himself. When she wakes him up, he’s going to pout and say, Did you forget about me or something? Aqua, you’re so mean.

You’re awful, Aqua.

She needs an empty, quiet room. The door responds, a little aha! moment that churns in her belly. She turns the knob. “Sora!”

He hesitates.

“Sora, come here!”

This time he follows, hustling to her side. “But-” He points at Xemnas charging at them, so fast that he’s floating, when she grabs Sora by the elbow and pulls him through with her. Like a vacuum, they get sucked inside. All remnants of destruction, crumbling brick, smokey air, and aftershocks are erased with the click of the doorknob into its latch.

They land face first on cold tile in a simple white room.

Sora sighs, a little laugh escaping through his breath. She gets it, she’s relieved too.

“I will never look at Xemnas’s face the same way again,” he says, grunting when he hops onto his feet, shoulders rolling and neck stretching like he’s done a good workout.

Aqua’s wrist still protests when she leans on it to get on her knees. She doesn’t let Sora see - she briskly stands like she’s still got pep to her step, her good hand gently clasped over it as she begins a Curaga to start the healing process. It prickles and kneads, sharp bubbles popping on the skin’s surface like slapping rubber to the skin.

“How did you find me?” Aqua asks. She has to. The castle is designed to disorient. It takes a tremendous bond to keep anyone inside together, and she figures Sora would rather stay close to Riku and the others.

Sora blinks. “I’m not exactly sure. We got separated, picked off one by one. I took doors that my gut told me to choose.” He touches his chest and chuckles. “Or rather, my heart. I thought it’d lead me back to them.” Then he snorts. “You’re a lot easier to find than Riku, that’s for sure.”

That doesn’t make any much sense, and all Aqua says is, “You’re a good person, Sora.”

He lets his smile fall and cocks his head, a quiet Huh? slipping out. It takes him moments to respond. “You don’t think you are?”

“I don’t…” She’s about to say, deserve my Master’s rank. Something’s wrong. Her Light magic should have only taken a couple of seconds to heal, but it keeps going. When it’s finally complete, her wrist is still sore. Aqua presses her fingers to her temples to massage a headache that isn’t there. “I don’t sound like myself. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” His stretched smile shines again. “You’ve been through a lot. It’s normal.”

“Normal?”

“I mean,” he shrugs a playful shoulder, “maybe a little weird, sure. If that’s what you want to hear.”

She scoffs, the tiniest grin wrestling its way onto her lips. “Maybe I am.”

“Did you know I once called Riku ‘stupid?’”

It’s her turn to snort. “He doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who’d let you say that to him.”

“You’d be surprised.”

The snorting turns into a small giggle, something warm and toasty as though this room has never been cold.

“See?” Sora says. “A little laughter says a lot about you.”

Aqua massages her wrist one last time. “In what way?”

“That you survive what you went through,” he says slowly, “and still laugh? You’re stronger than you think.”

Aqua swallows. She’s once thought the same thing, but she’s tired now. So tired of being strong.

As if taking her silence as cue, Sora glances around the empty room, that one simple door waiting for them. “So, what now?”

“We get Ven.”

He’s super excited and it’s very endearing, like he’s about to witness an inexplicable magic trick. “How are we going to do that?”

Aqua leads the way. Ven. Finally. “Again, I will be the one to unlock the door.”

He keeps to her heels like a puppy. Right now, on the other side of that door, she figures there’s nothing, a canvas in need of paint. When the castle takes a peek inside a person’s head to mirror what they want to see, it takes so much more.

“Do you just… picture Ven in your head and voila?” Sora asks.

“Kind of.”

“And what else? What’s the secret?”

Aqua hums, fingers twiddling with each other. “A lot of focus and dedication.”

“That can’t be it. There’s gotta be more.”

“And quiet.”

“Oh, sorry.”

It’s Ven’s movement. His voice. A tight hug given or a toothy grin, from any moment of her choosing, so long as the memory is striking. Xemnas.

Why is she thinking of Xemnas?

When he said that memories are only as real as the stories we tell ourselves. Is that the same for memories so powerful, there’s no way they can be anything but untrue?

He’s wrong. A memory as warm as the laughter she shared with Sora would do the spell right.

Just before she replays the scene in her head, tears slowly prick at her eyes. Even after spending years knowing that she’s going to lose this memory, that she’s literally giving it up as an offering, she’s still trembling. Why is she so scared?

She has other memories, she tells herself, just as precious to make up for it.

~*~*~*~*~

Ven wasn’t able to speak much when he first woke up. He’d learn a few words here and there, and would repeat them. For a child without a grip on language, he was so eager to let everyone know everything he felt.

And he really liked stars.

That night, a thunderstorm blotted the sky, and there weren’t any to see.

Good thing Ven wasn’t afraid of thunder, and good thing Aqua and Terra stashed a tent for nights like these. Draped over Ven’s bed, Terra brought in custom-made wooden lampshades, where he carved out shapes of stars. Third edition - the first time he tried, on cardboard, was a messy affair and some stars turned out to be globs. Stars dotted the entire tent, spreading all over the bed and loitering their bodies. In Ven’s bedroom, they sat in the very sky.

“Ven won’t let me read to him anymore,” Aqua said, watching Ven snatch the picture book she brought him.

“You’re welcome,” said Ven.

Terra chuckled. “He won’t let me either. He just wants to know how it ends.”

“It’s a happy one, I promise,” was Aqua’s desperate plea. He used to be so cute with how attached he was to her and how much he nudged to hear her speak. She even read recipes to him - so long as she spoke, Ven was amused.

“You’re welcome,” said Ven.

Terra propped himself on his elbow, opening a bag of nuts. “Hungry, Ven?”

Ven, forgetting there was a book on his lap, splayed out his palm. He gestured with a kingly expectation that he’d be graced.

“You need to say, ‘Please,’” Terra said.

“You’re welcome.”

Terra gave Aqua a knowing smirk, a tall boy in a lanky body who told her that morning that he needed to grow muscles. His new Keyblade was too heavy for him, his swings too sluggish. He was worried about his future when she thought he shouldn’t be. He gathered a few peanuts with his fingers and gently placed them in Ven’s hand, watchful for spills. “Now you say, ‘Thank you.’”

“You’re welcome.” Ven snarfed them all down, cheeks bubbling full before he swallowed them in one gulp. He licked his fingers and pointed to a pitcher for water (You’re welcome). Aqua thought she’d never forget it.

~*~*~*~*~

“Are you okay?”

“Hm?”

Aqua blinks at a fussing Sora, who has his hand on her shoulder with this terrible concern knotting his face. “Are you hurt?”

“No, why are you asking?”

Sora lets her go, his hand still hovering close. “You seemed really sad.”

Tears are indeed flowing down her face and Aqua wipes them off. Why they’re there, she doesn’t understand. There’s nothing to be upset about. Ven is on the other side of this door. That thought alone - Ven! - burns a hearth through her entire body, like snuggling in a blanket by a fireplace. She’s done it. She’s done something truly outstanding.

“I’m not,” she laughs. “Everything’s going to be okay. He’s on the other side.”

He’s on the other side. Aqua twists the knob as fast as possible, pushing her way into another white room. With a throne. And a boy with blond hair, tucked into a seat two times his size in peaceful sleep.

“Ven,” she gasps. There’s nothing else in her mind. Just Ven.

“Roxas?”

It’s like being dunked in cold water. What came out of Sora’s mouth, she has no damn idea. “Ventus,” she corrects.

But Sora has a strange look on his face, his hand clutching his stomach. “Huh?”

She doesn’t listen. She runs up to the throne, reaching out to shake him. “Ven?”

Stars, he looks the same in her memories, maybe less pudgy in the cheeks. But the more she studies him, the more a pit in her stomach grows. He looks peaceful from far away, but this close, he looks like he’ll never wake up despite being warm to her touch.

“Is it because I took so long?” she asks softly, as if speaking too loud would startle him out of a nightmare. “Is it because there was something I was missing? Should I have found your heart first?” She takes his face in both of her hands and brings his forehead to hers. This time, she really does want to cry. “I’m so sorry.”

Sora walks carefully up to the throne, hesitant to disturb the moment. “Aqua, I don’t feel so good.”

She finds him staring at Ven, like he’s trying to figure out a puzzle. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Sora shakes his head. “It’s creepy.”

“Excuse me?”

A giant bang rattles the door behind them nearly out of its hinges.

“What was that?” Sora whips around. It bangs again, dust spitting out. Spiney tendrils seep through the cracks. “Xemnas!”

Her first instinct is to stay. To fight anything that would threaten Ven’s body. Dammit. There’s still everyone else they have to find. And what if his body gets hurt in the chaos?

“We don’t have the time.” She swings Ven’s arms over her shoulders, hooking his legs over her arms as she takes on his entire weight onto her back. He’s heavy for someone who hasn’t eaten in years.

“Do you need help?”

“If he breaks through-”

“Got it.”

This room is a dead end - the only way in is the only way out. The real treasure room of the castle, its finality a way of saying, You’ve made it!

And so, Aqua has to make a new door.

She struggles to pull out the Defender with Ven on her back, having to lift one shoulder up to keep him level so he doesn’t slack over.

The door bangs again, nearly rupturing apart.

With Sora on guard, Aqua glares at the wall as though to burn a hole through it. It should be less work than transforming the entire castle. The Master’s Defender, once called its Keeper, is a specific inheritance meant for the wielder to keep secrets - even ones he’s never heard of. The castle will deceive. The castle will do what it needs to protect. Aqua asks it to protect them with secrets it will never tell her.

Thrusting the Keyblade forward, the outline of a keyhole sparkles on the surface of the wall, stretching into the shape of a door like all the others. Aqua makes sure to give this one a particular lock.

“Sora!”

This time, he doesn’t hesitate. He leans into her as if to keep Ven upright for her. “Just open the door for me. Make sure to lock it firmly behind us.”

He does so, throwing it wide to a tiny room, stretched long but narrow like a walk-in closet. Aqua hustles inside.

The door bangs one more time. It tears near the handle. Xemnas heaves when he pushes it open as though it’s the heaviest in the castle. He’s angry, annoyed, the last in the race, an also-ran. He’s so composed, so poised though, like a puppet that wears a mask to pretend to be human.

And Sora has their sanctuary propped open, gaping.

“What’s wrong?”

Sora shakes himself out of a stupor, shutting her new door. It wipes Xemnas out of existence, like hand brushing the surface of a table, throwing all the mess onto the floor for a new start. Sora then watches it latch, as though expecting it to rattle.

“Xemnas won’t get through,” she says. “I made sure of it.”

He scratches his head, that brand of Sora-smile brightening up like normal. “Where are we?”

“In a safe room.” She bends her knees and gently lets her grip of Ven’s wrists go, letting him hit the wall behind her. It’s so narrow that she’s unable to stretch her legs when she sits besides him. “It’s only meant for our friends.”

“They’ll find us?”

“As easily as they want to, yes.” When she watches Sora slump onto the wall opposite hers, his feet resting up against the other side, she shivers. He’s still reading the walls as if they have words painted on them even though they’re blank. “Are you sure you’re okay?” A worse thought creeps up to her. “Did you see things?”

Sora glances at Ven. “I did actually.” He chuckles. “Like that night when Destiny Islands went under. Kairi yelled at me when I missed dinner like it was just another night. She always had something to nag about.” He blinks. “Or was that my mom?”

“I should apologize,” Aqua says, lowering her gaze. “This should have only been my burden to bear.”

“No regrets here.” Something passes over his face like a cloud hovering over, and Sora presses a fist to his temple as if to think really hard. “Stained glass windows.”

“Huh?”

“Mountains.” Sora scrunches his eyes as if shampoo had gotten in them. “This place used to be really pretty, right?”

Aqua drops her jaw. She stares at him really hard, but he breathes deeply, lost in his thoughts like a mannequin coming alive. Memory of this place should only live inside a handful of people. He isn’t supposed to know, and the castle couldn’t have shown him any of that.

“How-”

Their door unlocks itself, swinging wide open. Kairi limps inside with heavy breath. Riku is slumped over her shoulders, unconscious.

Sora acts like he’s just woken up. “What happened?” He gets up, taking Riku’s other arm so they could set him down. Riku doesn’t come across as a particularly large boy but he takes up so much space. Aqua has to drag Ven to make room before shifting onto her knees to read Riku’s energy - he’s alive.

Kairi sniffs. “He took a direct hit for me.”

Sora pats her shoulder. “He would’ve done the same for me.” Though he’s not so confident.

“Don’t worry. He’s going to be okay,” Aqua says.

Kairi grimaces somewhere in the middle of being comforted and not quite believing that. Aqua starts a Cure spell. It takes its time, but whether that’s her failure or because Riku is in terrible condition, she can’t tell.

“Is that…?”

Aqua spares a glance at Kairi, who has her fingers wiping her tear-stained face. “It is. Ven.”

“Is he not okay?”

Aqua swallows.

The door rattles like there’s a desperate person begging for someone to open it. Lea and Donald bicker when they come in (something about Getting pistol heavy and Donald responds with a Bah!), Goofy trailing behind them. They pile on top of everyone else, Lea opting to stay standing because there’s simply no room for him.

He takes one look at Riku. And he smirks. “Some people always have to play the dark and brooding hero.” That don’t-give-too-much-of-a-care touch to his voice loses its power, however, the moment he sets his eyes on Ven.

Aqua never expected they knew each other.

“Roxas?” He hurries over, hopping over legs and feet like stepping rocks.

Why do they bring that name up?! Aqua keeps an eye over her shoulder. Something about their reactions to Ven doesn’t sit right with her. Something about Lea’s expression - the wide eyes, the dropped hands, the gasp, the deadset desperation - marks it as more intense than Sora’s, who felt nauseous.

Lea settles on his knees to take a close look. Aqua couldn’t have misinterpreted it: disappointment flashes across his face, and Lea stops a sharp inhale before letting it out slowly. “No, you’re Ventus.” When they lock eyes, he gets serious. “Listen, there’s other Organization members in the castle.” It makes every conscious person in the room pay attention.

“Ha, let them try and fit in here!” Donald says, sticking his beak up to the state of the room. Goofy has a long shoe stuck on top of one of his webbed feet, giving Donald a scowl to last two entire nights.

“You don’t have to be so rude,” Sora says with a smirk. Playful or careful, it’s hard to differentiate with him. He winks at Aqua. “He’s only that way because of the King.”

The King and Terra lost in the Realm of Darkness. And Aqua’s stuck in a closet with an angry bird and beat up, tired, anxious fighters.

“Do we go back out?” Kairi meekly asks. “Downstairs instead of up?”

Aqua didn’t have to climb stairs to get here. Damn it.

“We’ll make sure to stay together this time-” she starts to say when Lea interrupts her with a sharp No.

He’s holding his head like he’s got a headache. He fidgets, lost in thought as his eyes search this room though he’s not going to find much help here. There’s someone he obviously doesn’t want to cut across. “We’ll take a shortcut.”

“Excuse me?”

He stands up, leaning over Sora to splay his palm against the wall. “Is Xemnas here?”

Aqua purses her lips before she answers. “Yes.”

“If he’s this close, he’ll find out I used it. He always does.” From his hand slithers out tendrils of black smoke. From that grows a doorway. From the doorway, a glow that opens up a portal to somewhere else. “Straight to the exit.”

Aqua shakes her head. “I’m not going in there.”

“That’s dangerous!” Donald barks. Aqua is grateful she’s not the only one opposed.

“I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to use a Dark Corridor,” Goofy says. He is game and he is cheerful, letting Sora help him sling Riku over one of his shoulders. “Do ya think we’ll need a night-light?”

Sora snickers in response. “It’s only a little cold. Nothing much to worry about.”

Aqua doesn’t know where to start. They’re all wrong. “But-”

Lea takes Ven onto his back. He has a much easier time, as though carrying a backpack, bobbing Ven’s weight to make sure he has a better grip. “Let’s go.” Then he glances at Aqua with a stern, almost distasteful look that tells her he means business. No jokes. No sarcasm. In words, Get your shit together.

He leads the way, Ven poofing out of existence the moment he passes through, asleep, oblivious of the world, unsafe and safe all at once. And Aqua stood there staring. Goofy follows next, his large steps striding so widely that Riku’s arms sway side to side.

Aqua can feel that familiar chill, and it churns her stomach to think that it’s so close to her again. She doesn’t move. Even when Donald struts his way in, throwing a Humph! for good measure.

Even when Sora coaxes Kairi into it, telling her that it’s really no big deal. Just follow the others. Even when he smiles at Aqua and tells her, Come on. It’s a short trip.

She only nudges forward the moment Sora takes one last visible step into the void. She’s alone. She gasps. Summons her armor before dashing after them, metal footsteps clunking through a long, dark tunnel. It slithers around her, but she keeps her eyes ahead, following Sora and Kairi as they run straight to the other side. Don’t look at anything else. Don’t even think about it. Just follow them.

It is indeed a short run to the other side, a round light swallowing her when she crosses the border, leading her back outside to the barren wasteland that is Castle Oblivion’s patio. Aqua’s heart hammers away like she’s drunk too many stimulants for years. Like she’s too old for this. She’s gasping into her helmet, but she won’t dispel it just yet. Not when the others are here.

Lea doesn’t stop. He marches straight to the gummi ship, its hangar left open for them, followed by a diligent Goofy. They have a room inside where they could tend to Riku’s wounds and make sure Ven is comfortable.

Sora looks back. “You’ll fly on your own right?”

Aqua weakly nods and the others board the ship.

Lea made it so easy to exit. Traversing the castle seemed like a nightmare that kept you asleep just to see it end. The gummi ship starts its engines, revving up and blowing air that kicks the dirt up. Aqua listens for Lea’s corridor to dissipate. Maybe all this noise is playing tricks with her mind because that bubbling sound that should signal its disappearance is going on for too long. Aqua turns around. Lea’s is gone alright, but another takes shape at the front entrance.

Vanitas bursts out of it to witness the gummi ship take off.

Xemnas casually steps out, too. “Stand your ground,” he orders.

Vanitas does obey, though he’s trembling with so much fever that it looks like he’s fighting off a spell that kept him frozen. Fists curled up tight, stance wide like he’s about to charge ahead if only given the permission to do so. Aqua would have expected him to glance back as if to say, Are you stupid?

But he doesn’t look back. She can only imagine him grinding his teeth, muttering curses to himself. Whether he’s staring at her or the sky through his helmet, it doesn’t matter.

Aqua has the Defender at the edge of her fingertips, only needing to summon it. Xemnas stands there with his hands crossed behind him, watching as the ship leaves.

A roar thunders through the area, making the ground shake.

What looks like a dragon snakes through the sky. Compartmentalized into chunks that link together a long chain for a body, its purple and green and bears the Heartless symbol on its chest, just below its giant snout and metal fangs. It looks like a machine, something that can drill into a planet until it gets to its core. And then eats.

The weight of it. It’s like carrying a mountain on your shoulders. This thing is a cluster. A Heart of some world that died who knows how long ago, living again as a monster big enough to swallow a ship.

Xemnas readies his energy sabers but Aqua doesn’t take the bait. She turns on her heel and runs.

Vanitas conjures his Keyblade and follows her. She dodges one of his blasts that comes up behind her. Throws herself off the nearest cliff to thwart him off of her trail. He actually stops to gawk at how she summons Stormfall. She commands it to convert it into her glider so she has something solid to land on.

She takes flight, past the barrier that tries to pull her back to Castle Oblivion, but when she keeps momentum, it lets her go out into deep space. The gummi ship is traversing an area full of them, all of these destroyed worlds, all pieces of earth that Aqua can take a whole day exploring. The monster dragon is huge, weaving around abandoned rubble, its tail whipping into an asteroid and demolishing it into dust.

Its nose follows the gummi ship closely, as though it’s sniffing. It bares teeth.

“Sora!”

How ridiculous of her - he can’t hear her from the ship. She dislodges the handles of her glider, turning them over so she’s holding a bow as tall as her. With it, she shoots shards of light against the dragon.

The gummi ship bends into a tunnel inside a spinning asteroid - a wild, dangerous, stupid choice to make and she’ll have to lecture Sora about that later. It comes out of a different hole, now facing the dragon, joining the fight with torpedoes and laser beams.

The attacks burst when it makes contact with its skin (more like an armor), but it doesn’t leave any scarring. It doesn’t slow it down. Its roar is mechanical, as though it’s coming out of a speaker, sleeking over a boulder so it could chomp the ship directly.

Aqua grunts as she speeds up, coming up from underneath the dragon’s chin to knock its direction off-kilter. It misses the ship. Good, for now at least, since it swerves back so easily.

Whoever is maneuvering the ship (Aqua doesn’t know it’s Sora, but the way it jerks and gets cocky with taunting the dragon into following it reminds her so much of his fighting style) is making it tank around the perimeter, letting it get close to the dragon. If Sora wants to make a direct hit, he’s in a good position to do so.

The dragon roars again. This time, a beam of energy bubbles in its throat, twice the size of the ship. Sora readies torpedoes and throws shots into its mouth. But it doesn’t faze the dragon either.

They’re not going to survive this.

Sora understands. He dips below, the dragon tailing him with that beam still charging up for something catastrophic. Aqua tries zipping around its face, taking shots from her bow directly into its eyes, directly into its mouth in the hopes that it would combust its jaw open and stop the attack. Nothing happens. The dragon ignores her as though she’s just a fly bugging its face.

There’s one more option. Swooping high and higher, she swings over and looks down on the dragon. It opens its mouth wider as Sora barely pushes his speed.

She charges down, the Master’s Defender in her hand while her other grips on her handlebars. This is an extreme choice to make, a silly little sword against a dragon the size of an entire world. But she’s never known Master Eraqus to ever fail her. To ever show weakness, even in that one night when he received a letter about someone who disappeared due to the darkness. He cried. He stood up. And told her this was why they did the work they did. Use the anger and desperation to drive her forward until the end. She’s desperate right now, and she yells into her helmet as she gathers speed.

She cuts across the back of the dragon’s neck, where its definitive brain stem would have been. The dragon explodes - first from its mouth, light beams spurting out. Then in between each compartment that makes up the rest of its body, like volcanoes erupting, and tsunamis colliding, and earthquakes collapsing.

Pieces of it fall through deep space, new asteroids joining the rest of the waste.

But that burst from its mouth hit the gummi ship, which is now smoking from its left wing. Aqua’s glider isn’t big enough to save them.

All she can do is follow the way it falls, to trail behind it when gravity makes it faster than she can possibly catch up to, and watch the way Sora wheels it around obstacles and debris as he tries to control it even though he can’t.

Until it dives into a world that stands bright, a tall castle jutting out into a horizon. There’s a magic there that is protective. As though an invisible hand has grown out of its dirt, the gummi ship, with her friends inside, slows down, landing somewhere where the sunrise is just beginning.

#terraqua #aqua #sora #xemnas #kingdom hearts fanfiction #kh fanfic #sorry for the long wait!#my fic

21 notes · View notes

shutupandshipit · 3 years

Text

Sharpen your blades - Ch.1

Summary: “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

The thinning of Aizawa’s patience was evident in the twitching of his brow. “If you stop asking questions, maybe I could finish explaining.

”With a huff and roll of his eyes, Katsuki glanced away from their coach.

“City Hall and the SC want us to give them more variety. We are a team solely made up of single skaters. Every year, we dominate the rankings for single skate while Shinketsu dominates the pairs, so this year both cities are being required to split their skaters evenly between singles and pairs with at least one pair coming from out top five.” There was a collective intake of breath, but no one commented, choosing instead to remain silent. “Unfortunately, for us, it’s a lot easier to switch from pairs to singles. With our male to female ratio, alpha/beta/omega ratio, and those of you actually experienced with pair skating, we’re at a disadvantage. So, I’ve decided to choose your partners for you.”

.....

Or where Katsuki and Izuku are forced to be partners so they can continue to compete, but the blood in the water may be thicker than anyone realized.

Pairing: Bakudeku

Rating: T

Chapter: 1/20

Chapter 2: Refusal -> Next

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter fic I’ve done in awhile. It’s my very self-indulgent figure skater au (even though I’m not a skater). Hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1: Pairs

“Kacchan, look what I learned!” Izuku dashed away from Katsuki across the ice, feet just a little unsteady in his excitement. Though he wobbled, he managed to get off the ice, into the air, and back onto the ice without falling. He was beaming as he came back around, sliding between the other kids in on the ice.

Katsuki’s mouth had popped open, eyes wide. “What was that? You can’t know something before I do!”

“A toe loop! We learned when you were sick last week.”

“Teach me!” Katsuki demanded, pushing off the wall and pulling Izuku out onto center ice.

…..

October

Izuku had just finished stretching off ice when Aizawa raised his voice from the entrance to the rink. Practice hadn’t officially started, but some of the other skaters had already begun warming-up.

“Alright, everyone, over here! I’ve got some things to put out before we begin.”

Checking his laces one last time, Izuku slid down to the other end of the bench where Aizawa stood, turning to face him.

His coach didn’t acknowledge him, choosing instead to pass his tired eyes from one skater to the next as they began to crowd around. They continued to chatter even as everyone came to a halt, and after a moment, he shouted, “Shut it!” His voice echoed through the rink, and only when it had faded did he speak again. “Right, so, how many of you know about the Charity Christmas Party that City Hall puts on every year? I should see every hand go up because I know for a fact all of you have lived here for at least five years.” There was a pause that gave Izuku enough time to sweep the assembled group of twenty-year-olds. Only Shinsou’s arms remained crossed over his chest. “Good. Each year City Hall chooses some part of the city to highlight. Well, we go the luck of the draw-”

Outraged cries flew up. Even Izuku’s mouth dropped open. The last three months of the year were an important time for the figure skaters of Yuuei. From October through December, they chose music and choreography to compete in the Prefecture Preliminaries that were held right before Christmas. Winning preliminaries sent them up to Regionals, but only a small percentage was chosen to advance. Very rarely did even a fourth of their team make it each year. The rest went on to be hired for the showcases and performances the city put on throughout the year. Figure skating, among a few other activities, was one of the main tourist attractions for Yuuei. Their city alone held more national champions than any other prefecture let alone city in the entirety of Japan.

Even with every other tourist attraction the city boasted, figure skating still grossed twice as much revenue as anything else. A lot of that publicity came from the Prefecture Preliminaries, held in their city every year as the capital of the prefecture, and the other competitions they won and competed in. Without those competitions, Yuuei was just another mountain city that got more snow than they knew what to do with.

“Would all of you let me finish before complaining?” Aizawa shouted over them again, and again, waited until the echo had died away. “City Hall already knew that the party was going to interfere with our training schedule, and got in touch with the Skating Commission. As it stands, they’ve agreed to use the Expo we will be performing at as the Prefecture Preliminaries. A secondary competition will be held for any competitors coming from other cities in the prefecture the day after. That puts us at a disadvantage as they’ll know who they have to beat by the end of the party. Both will be scored as normal, but unlike a normal competition, no one will receive their scores until the Expo has been completed to keep from disturbing the patrons. Mayor Nezu was very insistent on reminding me that it is a funding year. Unfortunately, the Skating Commission had stipulations, and City Hall seems to be siding with them.”

“What?” Katsuki sneered from just behind Asui, red eyes sharp and irate, “They want us to be extra flashy and get more dolled up than normal or something?”

“Not exactly.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

The thinning of Aizawa’s patience was evident in the twitching of his brow. “If you stop asking questions, maybe I could finish explaining.”

With a huff and roll of his eyes, Katsuki glanced away from their coach.

Izuku’s hand shot into their air, and Aizawa sighed heavily. He turned to Izuku anyway. “Is that legal, what they’re doing? And do you think that having pre-chosen partners is best? What if the chemistry is off?”

“I’ve known the majority of you since you were thirteen, Midoriya, I am well aware of the chemistry between you all. Or lack thereof. As for the SC, they are the ones who make the rules. There’s no one higher to complain to. So, if we want to compete, we’ve got to agree. Does that answer your question?”

“Yes, sir,” Izuku said, repressing his own sigh. Anxiety scratched incessantly at the cavity of his chest, thankful for the blockers he’d put on that morning. Anxiety always made his scent more pungent, and it always attracted more attention than he cared for.

Aizawa retrieved a clipboard from the bench behind him. “Listen up. I’m not going to be repeating myself. Omega/Beta, mid ranks: Uraraka and Iida.”

Izuku pursed his lips, considering the pairing. Iida had a very utilitarian by-the-book style that won him points for technicality, but always lacked in flair and lost him points for presentation. Uraraka on the other hand seemed to simply float across the ice, but while she always excelled in creativity, she lost points for little mistakes in technique. As a pair, they would balance each other well. Being friends, they already had a good understanding of each other and strong bond of trust. Their chemistry worked well together. They were both vaguely familiar with pair work, but only as a pastime. They’d never seriously practiced before, but Izuku thought they could be a solid competitor given enough time.

It was good that Aizawa was telling them in October, but he wasn’t sure three months would be enough time.

“Beta/Beta, low ranks: Hagakure and Ojirou.”

Again, a good pairing. They’d known each other longer than they’d all been a skating team together, all the way back to elementary school, and they’d been dating the entire time Izuku had known them. Neither had prior experience in pair work that he knew of, and neither had ever seemed interested in competition. Mostly, he thought they competed so they could continue to learn and skate in showcases and coach the younger kids. They enjoyed skating as an expressive art form rather than a sport.

“Alpha/Beta, low ranks: Asui and Tokoyami.”

They were in the same boat as Hagakure and Ojirou, but Asui and Tokoyami both possessed a higher competitive drive than the other two. They’d be formidable once they got their bearings about them.

Izuku was surprised though. Coaches tended to set up pairs as exclusively alpha/omega and male/female pairings if they could swing it. The rules stated quite clearly that a pair was made up of one man and one woman which disqualified any same-sex pairs. Allowances were made for that rule when it came to dynamics though. If a pair were same-sex, but were alpha/omega, then they could still compete. Coaches liked to stick to alpha/omegas because they could bend the rules just a bit and often present a flashier or unexpected pair.

What surprised Izuku was that their group had the means to pair together several alpha/omega teams, but Aizawa had yet to exploit that fact.

“Alpha/Omega, mid rank: Shinsou and Kaminari.”

This time, Izuku’s mouth popped open because he’d never considered them as a viable partnership. It made sense though. Both had pair skated from a young age like Izuku himself, but only transitioned to single when they joined Aizawa’s merry band of miscreants. Shinsou had never been able to keep a partner, and Kaminari’s partners just couldn’t keep up with his boundless energy. Similar to Uraraka and Iida, he thought they would balance each other out.

Which left the top rank. In the top five, it was Aoyama, Yaoyorozu, Todoroki, Katsuki and Izuku in that order. Aizawa was smart, Izuku knew that. He knew their histories, and he knew how well they could all work together. Aoyama was a beta and much smaller than Yaoyorozu. Not only that, but he held the top spot which meant Aizawa wouldn’t touch him. Yaoyorozu was an alpha, but she had no pair experience meaning she would be better left as a single. Todoroki was an omega with a lot of pair experience, but he was still third making him less desirable to take from the single skaters.

Izuku’s stomach dropped out from under him, and he swallowed noisily. He became uncomfortably aware that his blockers were no longer doing their job as his own soured scent reached his nose.

“Alpha/Omega, top rank: Bakugou and Midoriya.”

#my hero academia #mha #bakudeku #dekubaku #decchan #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #omegaverse #a/b/o dynamics #alpha!katsuki #omega!izuku #figure skater au #no quirks au #my writing #sharpen your blades

16 notes · View notes

guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom · 3 years

Text

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.”

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon.

Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice.

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters.

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe.

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…”

I stepped out of the room.

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,”

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla”

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me.

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first.

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,”

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.”

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,”

“You, too,”

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up.

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while.

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest.

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation.

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?”

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,”

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,”

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side.

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,”

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse.

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good.

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored.

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out.

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble.

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park.

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly.

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek.

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol.

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure.

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway. Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry.

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory.

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now.

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?”

“Art,”

“Why are you there? You love art,”

“I’m not feeling it today,”

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,”

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show.

“What season?”

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math?

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,”

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone.

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year.

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible.

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back.

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?”

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature.

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?”

I shook my head, not trusting my voice.

I drank some more of the water before speaking up.

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?”

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said.

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it.

“Are you okay?” He asked me again

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to.

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after.

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,”

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”.

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said.

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?”

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling.

Bri ran towards me

“Oh my god are you okay,”

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,”

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go.

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug.

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you”

“I insist,” I laughed again

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,”

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and I’d like to keep it that way.

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry.

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?”

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?”

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me.

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,”

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it.

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head.

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status?

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student.

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)?

Yes, as a child.

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes.

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes.

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door.

“Yeah, I’m okay!”

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in.

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me.

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body.

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move.

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend.

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well.

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?”

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.”

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes.

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,”

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,”

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch.

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,”

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death.

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything.

But I got the text.

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,”

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me.

“Y/N-“

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass.

I tried not to laugh at him and failed.

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too.

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me.

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now.

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,”

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me.

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off.

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?”

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail”

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,”

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile.

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room.

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach.

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore.

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest.

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible.

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death.

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart.

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps.

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways.

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason.

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself.

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then.

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’.

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago.

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it.

Then unpaused it again.

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it.

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town.

Holy Shit

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood. I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan.

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive.

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though. I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me.

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face.

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs.

I followed after her,

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes.

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,”

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded.

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“Yeah well right back at you,”

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.”

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating.

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,”

“Fine then,” She screamed.

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying.

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her.

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained.

“Hey,” I whispered back.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No,”

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised.

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap.

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes.

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said.

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really.

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti.

She smiled when she saw me coming into view.

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me.

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned.

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,”

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt.

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.”

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said.

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,”

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too.

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in.

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans.

Shit

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar.

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown, the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance.

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck.

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg.

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch.

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds.

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together.

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea.

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was.

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?”

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice.

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,”

“Alright,”

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire.

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child.

“Say it back,”

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call.

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up.

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #reader x peter parker #Peter Parker x Vigilante!Reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker x villian!reader #poc reader x peter parker #peter parker x bisexual!reader #peter parker x bi!reader #peter parker x thorn #thorns prick #spiderman x villian #mcu series #mcu x reader #peter parker x you #spiderman x thorn

18 notes · View notes

hawthornsybil · 4 years

Text

You’re Gonna Have a Great Time

Title: You’re Gonna Have a Great Time

Summary: Chris leaves a list of 20 things Buck can do to cheer Eddie up while he's at camp; somehow it turns into a 20 steps plan to woo Eddie.

Read on AO3

So, I read these amazing posts and just had to write something for it. Thanks to @theleftboobgrabber @pan-buck for letting me use their ideas as prompts. I hope you both like it! t when they walk inside the house.

The thing is, Eddie forbade him from going to see Chris off to summer camp because he didn’t think Buck would keep it together but Eddie has yet to learn how to say no to Buck and Chris when they team up. So, they strike a bargain where Buck will be allowed to have Chris for the afternoon before he leaves for camp. After having visited the zoo (for the third time), getting ice cream, and catching a movie, they’re now sitting together in Eddie’s living room waiting for him to come home.

“You sure you packed everything?”

Christopher rolls his eyes (something he totally learned from all the times Eddie has rolled his eyes at Buck) and then pats Buck on the knee. “I have everything I need.”

Buck has been high strung ever since Eddie told him about the camping trip and as much as Chimney has turned his overprotective act into just another thing to tease him about, Buck has no shame in caring so openly for Christopher. Plus, he figures that if he shows how worried he is, Eddie will either feel compelled to keep his cool (because Chris seriously doesn’t need them both to fret) or will feel supported in his fears.

“And did you remember to pack the mosquito spray?”

“Yes, Buck.”

Buck ticks it off the list he’s made on his phone and watches confusedly as Chris gets off the couch and heads to his room.

“Chris where…”

“I made something for you,” Chris answers on his way back.

He climbs back up on the couch and leans against Buck’s side. “I made a card for dad and I have one for you too.”

Buck always thinks he can’t possibly love this kid any more than he already does, and then Chris does something like this, and Buck ends up loving him that much harder.

He takes the purple card Christopher hands over and opens it, already excited about what sweet message he may find inside. He stares confusedly at the list in his hands.

“Chris, what is this?”

“It says at the top.”

Such a sassy kid, another thing Buck knows he takes after Eddie.

At the top of the card, scribbled in yellow crayon, Chris has written how to cheer up Dad while I’m at camp. Speechless, Buck looks between the card and Christopher’s determined face.

“Daddy said you’re going to miss me even more than he does,” he shrugs, pats Buck on the knee again comforting in a way no 9-years-old has any business being. “So, you can cheer up daddy and take care of him instead of missing me.”

“Chris…”

The front door opens before he can find the words to say, Eddie’s voice calling cheerfully from the hall, “I’m home!” He rounds the corner to the living room and his face softens when he sees Chris plastered to Buck’s side and Buck’s teary face. “Buck, we talked about this.”

“It’s okay daddy, I was just telling Buck how much I’m going to miss him.”

Eddie smiles and comes over, ruffling both his hair and Buck’s. “You guys had a good day?” They both nod. “I’m going to hop in the shower and then we can order dinner, okay?” He heads off when they nod again.

Chris turns to Buck and looks at him seriously. “Don’t tell dad.”

Buck nods solemnly, carefully folds the card, and puts it away in his pocket.

***

coffee with TONS of sugar so it’s not gross

It takes Eddie approximately one day to start losing his cool and collected demeanor. They’ve just got back to the station after a call where a kid had fallen in the pool and Buck can see Eddie continuously checking his phone.

Buck thinks back to the list Chris left. Point number one was making Eddie coffee and that’s easy enough. He leaves Eddie to go change into dry clothes and heads up to the loft to start off the coffee machine.

He idly chats with Chimney and Hen while he waits for the coffee to brew and by the time Eddie has changed and has joined them, a steaming mug is sitting on the table.

“Buck made you coffee, isn’t that sweet?” Chimney teases them.

Eddie ignores him completely. “Did you put…”

“Five spoons of sugar, yes. Just drink it.”

They’ve made each other coffee enough times to know how they take it, so he finds Eddie’s distrust appalling. Buck stares as Eddie takes the first sip and seems to relax a little bit. He smiles when Eddie looks at him.

2. tell him about your day - he smiles when I tell him about school and stuff

Eddie takes a fall while on a call and Bobby sends him to the hospital to get checked for a concussion. He’s fine but gets signed off for the next shift so the others have to deal with Buck on their own.

Chimney tells him at least twice that he’s insufferable when Eddie is not at work and Hen tells him to go run some drills to kill time. Bobby takes pity on him and tells him he can help with the cooking.

At the end of the day, he puts on his jacket and is heading out when he remembers the card still in his pocket. Number two on Chris’s list is telling Eddie about his day so that’s what he will do. He calls him from the car, his voice barely carrying over the sound of the wind as he drives.

“Today was horrible,” he starts off by saying, even before Eddie has time to say hello. “I was bored, we had one call, that was it, can you believe it?”

Eddie chuckles. “You’re insufferable when you’re bored.”

“Yeah, that’s what Chimney said too. How was your day honey?” he asks sarcastically.

“I finished painting abuela’s porch, then I painted mine. Were you really that bored?”

Buck stops at a red light still undecided on where he’s headed. “Yeah, I mean it was nice to have a quiet day, but you know, I need my adrenaline fix.” The light turns green and he makes a split-second decision to turn left instead of right. “Hey, are you home now?”

“Yeah, wanna come over?”

Buck smiles at that. “Turning in your street now.”

Eddie is waiting by the door when Buck pulls up to his house, an amused grin on his face, arms crossed as he casually leans against the doorframe, long legs crossed at the feet.

“What if I had someone over?”

He does a very bad job of masking his laugh at that. “I’m the only someone you ever have over.” He playfully bumps him with his shoulder and makes his way inside. “Wanna hear about all the different ways I’ve annoyed Chimney today?”

Eddie can’t do anything but follow.

3. ICE CREAM

Buck loves LA and has done all the touristy things except taking one of those tours where they show you where famous people live, but he has to admit, he fell in love with the city all over again when he started showing it to Eddie.

Walking alongside Venice Beach in the evening with the warm breeze coming from the ocean has to be at the top of his favorite things to do. He checks Chris’s list daily and when he saw that today’s idea was ice cream, he knew exactly where to take Eddie.

Their shoulders bump every other step, drawn together in a familiar way. Buck is eating his ice cream from the small cup Eddie made him order (“you’re gonna get chocolate all over your shirt if you get a cone, Buck”).

“Chris called from camp today.”

Buck perks up at that. “You didn’t tell me”

“You were in the shower after that last call.”

Buck wants to tell him that that was no excuse, he could have still gone to get him but decides to let it go. “What did Chris say?”

“That some of the other kids are staying until the end of the month.”

He can guess what he said to that from Eddie’s dejected sigh. “You said yes.”

“Of course, I did, I’m not a monster, Buck.”

Buck bumps into him again and inadvertently makes Eddie drop his cup. “Buck!”

“Oops, here.” Buck scoops up some of his ice cream and shoves it in Eddie’s mouth before he can object. He can’t cover up his laugh at Eddie’s outraged face. “We can share my ice cream, don’t worry.”

Eddie pushes him playfully and when a girl skating by almost runs into him, Eddie closes his hand around Buck’s wrist pulling him back close to him.

It feels like a date, that’s all Buck can think about as he stares at Eddie stealing Buck’s cup, mumbling about not giving it back because it’s all Buck’s fault if he doesn’t have his anymore. Buck would happily let Eddie steal everything from him.

4. draw him a picture!!

He’s never been good at drawing anything, not even stars which everyone seems to be able to do, but Eddie has been staring forlornly at the drawings Chris made appositely for his locker and so here Buck is, at twenty eight, trying to come up with an idea for a card.

“Whatcha got there, Buck?”

He shrugs at Hen’s question, so she comes over to the table and stares from over his shoulder at the crumbled pieces of paper in front of him.

“Are you trying to draw something?”

“Yeah” he replies sheepishly. “It’s for Eddie.”

She smirks and shakes her head. “Of course it is. Why don’t you go for a stick figure and a simple message? Can’t go wrong with that.”

He ponders it for a moment and then nods. “Thanks, Hen.”

When half an hour later Buck sees the smile on Eddie’s face as he opens his locker and Buck’s card fall out of it, Buck feels just as accomplished as if he had just rappelled down a building for a rescue.

5. tell him a joke - I got a book of jokes for my birthday last year you can borrow it if you want buck / 6. tell him a knock-knock joke - I don’t have a book of knock-knock jokes :-(

“Hey, Eddie, have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: you get what you deserve.”

Eddie looks at him as if he’s finally lost it. They’re in the middle of a call and really, Buck should be paying more attention but all he has to do is hold a bar in place while Bobby saws it, so no big deal.

“What the…”

“It’s a joke,” Buck says with a big grin. “I’ve got another one. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.”

Eddie snorts and tries very hard not to show that he’s laughing but Buck sees it.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one with the dad jokes?” He asks.

Buck shrugs, unrepentant. “I’ve got more.”

“Why?”

Bobby finishes with the saw and looks amusedly between the two. “Maybe wait until after we’re done saving someone, yeah?”

“Copy that, ‘Cap.” Buck does a little military salute and Eddie can’t help but laugh at him again.

Two hours later, while they’re laying in their bunkbeds trying to sleep between calls, Buck continues.

“Hey, Eddie?”

He gets a grunt in response and that’s enough for him to proceed. “Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?” He waits for dramatic effect and then goes, “He was just going through a stage.”

“Buck, I swear to God…”

“Knock, knock.”

Eddie grunts again. “Buck…”

“You have to play along. You can just not answer when someone says knock-knock.”

Buck hears the bedsprings creak as Eddie shifts in the bed next to his.

“Eddie?”

“Who’s there?”

Buck grins broadly. Eddie can’t ever say no to him doesn’t matter how annoying he’s being. “Leon.”

“Leon who?”

“Leon me when you’re not strong!”

He gets a pillow thrown in his face which makes the book of jokes he borrowed from Chris’ room last time he was over and the phone where he was looking up knock-knock jokes, fall from his hands and hit him right in the eye. “Ouch.”

“That’s what you get, Buck,” Chimney’s voice pipes up from the other side of the sleeping quarters. “Go to sleep.”

Buck doesn’t even mind because he hears Eddie sniggering from the other bed.

7. ask him a funny question - one time I asked him if dogs know they’re dogs, and he smiled a lot!!

“Do you think cats have regrets?”

Buck’s question is so random that Eddie’s face turns into that confused squinty expression he always makes that Buck absolutely loves.

They’re on day 9 of Christopher being away at camp and Eddie is particularly grumpy. He’s snapped at the woman they were trying to save because she kept trying to tell them what to do because she’s a big Chicago Fire fan and thought she knew better.

Chris hasn’t called since the time he asked to stay at the camp longer and Bobby keeps shooting looks at Buck that say “fix it” so Buck took out his list, checked what was on the agenda for today, and asked the first question that popped into his head.

“I would love to be in your head for a day,” Eddie tells him, but Buck can see at least a bit of tension leaving him; he’ll take that as a win.

“I mean, think about it,” he continues, closing one of the compartments on the truck once they’ve finished expecting it. “You see so many photos of dogs looking ashamed because of something they did, but cats will maintain eye contact while dropping your favorite trophy off the shelf.” He shrugs. “What’s your take on it?”

Eddie stares at him as if trying to understand whether Buck is being serious or not. Buck looks back, an expectant grin on his face, and Eddie can’t help the laughter that starts bubbling out of him.

“I swear, this is why you and Chris get along so well.”

Buck looks proud of himself as he watches Eddie completely fail to remain grumpy.

8. watch a movie with him - his favorite is emperor’s new groove I think

It’s not often that they don’t have the same days off together, but it can happen. Buck ends up covering someone on third shift and doesn’t see Eddie for two days. So, as soon as he’s done with his shift, he heads straight over to Eddie’s. He knocks once and then lets himself in and he’s not surprised to find Eddie laying on the couch, a film playing on the tv that Buck knows he’s only half watching.

He places the six-pack he brought over on the coffee table and Eddie startles. He’s wearing his old army t-shirt and grey sweatpants, one foot resting on the floor and the other on the armrest. Buck forces himself not to stare for too long.

“When did you get here?”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Nice to see you too.” He kicks Eddie’s foot until he gets the message and lifts his legs, barely waiting for Buck to be sitting down before he unceremoniously plants both his feet in his lap. “Is this seriously how you’re going to spend your day off?”

“I’m only on film 3 out of 8.”

It’s then that Buck looks at the TV again and realizes that Eddie is watching Harry Potter.

“Do you think they let the kids watch films at camp?”

Buck snorts, hands subconsciously closing around Eddie’s ankles. “I’m pretty sure that would go against the child labor program they have in place.”

Eddie kicks him and rolls his eyes. “Growing vegetables and then eating them is not child labor, we’ve been over this.”

Buck’s fingers dig into Eddie’s ankle and he lets himself relax against the couch. “Agree to disagree.”

He’s never seen the Harry Potter films prior to meeting Eddie and Christopher and watching it now without the youngest Diaz is making him think about all the other things he has never done before Eddie appeared in his life, stripping in slow motion in the middle of the fire station (he knows that’s not exactly how it went but that’s how he remembers it so sue him).

“This is making me sad.”

“The Prisoner of Azkaban cannot make you sad,” Eddie retorts.

“Whatever. Let’s watch something else.” He remembers Chris’ suggestion and he smiles. “You know what we haven’t watched in a while? Emperor’s New Clothes. I like that one.”

Eddie glances at him and studies him for a few seconds before grinning back. “Okay.”

9. clean up - sometimes when he looks stressed, I clean my room and he smiles??

Carla told him once that Eddie hates it when she helps cleaning around the house, so she discretely helps out but leaves enough that Eddie thinks she hasn’t done it just so Eddie can then spend his days off tiding up. Buck knows that when you join the army they drill it into you to keep everything tidy and so he knows how important it is for Eddie.

However, with Christopher off to camp, Carla hasn’t been around in a while and Buck can see that there’s a load of laundry to do and Eddie’s clothes were left in a pile after being in the dryer. But Eddie spoke with his parents that morning and Buck is not privy to what was said in the conversation, but he can see how stressed Eddie has been ever since getting off the phone.

Chris’ list has a suggestion for what to do in this case too, so, while he’s at Eddie’s waiting for him to come back from having gone to the shops to get beer and food, Buck starts tidying up a little. He puts the clothes in the washing machine, folds the ones Eddie left out and puts away the dishes that have been collecting dust on the drying rack.

When Eddie gets home, Buck looks at him like a deer caught in the headlights, plates in his hand halfway through being put away. Eddie frowns for a second and then darts his eyes around, goes to check in his room, and then comes back.

“Did you tidy up while I was gone?”

Buck shrugs, unsure if he’s overstepped some boundary. Eddie just stares at him, shoulders sagging and eyes searching.

“Thought I could help a little. You’ve got enough on your plate.”

Eddie walks over to him and hugs him, and Buck hopes Eddie can’t feel his heartbeat accelerating.

10. play some video games - but don’t let him win he always knows when you let him win

Buck hasn’t played the ambulance simulation game in ages and he’s always been horrible at it; Hen can be his witness but playing with Eddie is different. He’s probably the only person who’s worse at it than he is but he was mopey after talking to Chris, so Buck wants to cheer him up which means he has to fake being worse than Eddie and let him win.

“Oh no, drove right into the pedestrian.” Buck was never a good actor.

Eddie looks at him suspiciously. “Buck, I know you’re letting me win.”

“Oh c’mon, I’d never do that to you.”

Eddie doesn’t even dignify that with an answer just drops his controller and lets the ambulance drive off the road and into a building.

“Well, that will be hard to explain to the Chief,” Buck jokes.

He only has a moment to take in Eddie’s unimpressed face before Eddie tackles him and starts digging his fingers into Buck’s sides.

“Yield!” Eddie orders, unrelenting in his tickling.

Buck can barely breathe. “Okay! Okay! I will play for real now.”

Eddie pulls back but stays close in Buck’s personal space, eyes full of mirth and a little dopey, and Buck can’t look away, not until Hen walks past and throws a pillow at them.

11. the aquarium!! he really likes going to the aquarium with me!

“I haven’t been here since the last time we brought Chris.”

Buck had shown up at Eddie’s that morning and dragged him out without even telling him where they were headed.

Since it’s a Wednesday, there are not many kids despite it being the summer holidays, so they’re enjoying a leisure walk between the various exhibitions.

“Did you know that a blue whale is the largest living animal on Earth?”

Eddie looks at him with a fond expression when Buck asks him that. He shakes his head, falls into steps with Buck and their shoulders bump as always. “No, I didn’t know that, Buck.”

They stop in front of the penguins and Buck stares at them, not feeling Eddie’s gaze on his face. “I used to think that penguins were really big, you know?” he glances up and catches Eddie’s eyes, finds himself blushing a little under the scrutiny. “Like as big as people and then I watched Madagascar and my mind was blown.”

“I’m more surprised that you watched Madagascar if I'm being honest.”

Buck smiles at him. “It’s one of my favorites. Maddie and I sneaked out of the house to go see it when it came out.” He feels himself grow nostalgic at the memory and looks back at the penguins so he doesn’t have to see Eddie’s expression. “It was one of the last things we did together before she married Doug.”

He’s not ready when a hand lands on the back of his neck, Eddie’s thumb pressing down on his pulse point.

“When I watch it with Chris, he makes me do the King Julian dance,” Eddie confesses.

Buck appreciates the distraction more than he’d be able to express. He turns his head to the side, his cheek coming to rest on the back of Eddie’s hand. They’ve been more tactile lately but, this makes Buck feel as if it’s just the two of them in the world in that moment.

“I’m going to have to see that,” he teases just as a little kid comes running straight into his legs and almost knocks him over.

12. LOTS OF HUGS

The minute Eddie is out of the building, Buck shrugs Bobby’s hands off and runs up to him, pulls him into a tight hug even as Eddie starts coughing against his shoulder.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Buck…”

“No, we’ve been over this, we can’t both be reckless.” He pulls back, starts opening up Eddie’s turnout coat to check him for injuries. “Next time Bobby says to fall back, you fall back, understood?”

Eddie grabs Buck’s wrists and squeezes hard enough to get his attention. “Buck, I’m fine.”

Buck’s eyes are still wide and his pulse is racing, he knows Eddie can feel it where he’s holding him, but Buck hasn’t been this scared in a long time. He pushes forward, wounds his arms around Eddie’s neck, and hugs him again.

“You’re an idiot.”

Eddie’s arms come up, hugging him back briefly before Buck is pulling away and Eddie’s hands slowly fall to his hips. This is Buck’s favorite thing about hugging Eddie, how he always leaves one hand on Buck’s flank. Buck is not used to being hold; Maddie is not a big hugger and unless Chris is around, the only person he ever gets hugs from is Eddie.

“I’m okay, Buck.”

He wants to drag him home and make him rest but Bobby calls out to them, tells them to start packing up and it takes Buck a lot longer than a second to be able to look at anything but Eddie’s face.

Eddie doesn’t look away either.

13. do something adulty with him - I don't know buck I'm 9

So, the thing is, Buck has been crushing on Eddie for the past two years. Maddie likes to tease him about it all the time, it’s all in good spirits and it’s mostly about how Buck pretty much imprinted on Eddie the minute the guy told him how good he was at his job. So, these feelings, wanting to kiss Eddie, wanting to hold his hands, nothing new there. They’ve had bumps in the road, Buck tried and failed to date someone else and it hasn’t been easy, but Buck is done waiting for what he wants. He knows Eddie enough to be sure that even if he’s been reading the signals all wrong, they will be able to move on from this.

When he checks Chris’ list and sees the point about doing something adulty, Buck’s mind goes straight to one thing because he wants to date the shit out of Eddie Diaz and goddamnit he will.

So, when they’re halfway through their shifts, Buck flops down on the sofa next to Eddie and asks. “There’s a new restaurant near my place, do you wanna check it out?”

Perhaps he should have phrased it better, but Eddie makes him nervous.

“Yeah, sure.” Eddie barely looks up from his phone where he’s texting Lena.

Buck is like 80% sure that Eddie is not getting it. “We can go home and change and then I’ll come to pick you up.”

Eddie frowns, looks at Buck in confusion. “Why don’t we just go together from here?”

“I’m coming to pick you up,” Buck insists.

He can feel Chimney staring at them and when he looks in his direction, Buck finds him with a spoon halfway up to his mouth that might as well be popcorn considering he’s looking at them as if he was watching a movie.

“Can I help you, Chimney?”

“No, no,” he raises his hands in surrender. “Carry on.”

Buck looks back at Eddie raising an eyebrow expectantly.

“Okay, you can come to pick me up.”

Several hours later, halfway through their dinner, Buck realizes that the issue with spending so much time together is that this won’t feel like a date because they do this all the time. Eddie is dressed in a flannel shirt over a black shirt and well-fitting black jeans and Buck loves the look, he honestly does, but he’s thanking whatever deity made me forgo the suit he had originally planned.

Eddie trails off in the middle of what he’s saying and stares at Buck. “Are you okay? You’ve been glaring at your food for the past five minutes.”

“All good, you were saying?”

Buck drives him back home, and Eddie asks him if he wants to come inside, and apparently Buck is a sucker for punishment because he accepts even though he knows that Eddie didn't get that Buck had asked him out on a date.

14. ask abuela how she makes the Magic Soup - dad really likes it

Buck has had Pepa’s number saved on his phone for the past two years because sometimes he’s the one going to pick up Christopher from their place. This time he uses it for a different reason. Eddie has canceled on him because of a cold or so he says, but Buck is pretty sure that it’s just the fact that Christopher has been gone for almost three weeks now. So, he texts Pepa and asks if he can drop by so Isobel can teach him how to make the magic soup Eddie loves.

She says yes and Buck finds himself standing between her and Isobel a couple of hours later, attentively following all the steps and taking notes.

“This is really nice what you’re doing, Buck.”

He shrugs because praise always makes him feel so out of depth. “Thank you, Isobel.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me abuela?”

He can’t help but smile at her. “Sorry, abuela.”

“Thank you for taking care of Eddie while Chris is away.”

“What else would I do?”

She smiles warmly at him, pats him on the arm, and then goes back to guide him through the next steps.

Two hours later he’s letting himself in Eddie’s house. “Honey, I’m home!” he calls jokingly while he uses his foot to close the front door.

When he walks in the living room, he doesn’t see Eddie, so he puts the soup down in the kitchen and then checks Eddie’s bedroom and finds him curled up under the covers watching Netflix on his phone.

“Are you actually sick?” he asks, leaning against the door.

“Maybe.”

Buck scoffs. “What if I told you that I have your magic soup waiting for you in the kitchen?”

That gets Eddie’s attention. He lets his phone fall on the bed and looks suspiciously at Buck. “How?”

“I might have stopped to Pepa and Abuela’s house.” He walks over, reaches out, and grabs Eddie’s wrist pulling a little. “C’mon. It took us hours to make and you have to eat.”

Eddie looks at him in a way that makes Buck think he’s about to be pulled down into bed in retaliation, but the moment passes, Eddie tugs his hand free and stands up. “You better not be lying, Buck. How did you even get her to give you the recipe?"

Buck scoffs. "You should know by now that Diaz's can't resist this face."

Eddie can't say anything in return.

15. cuddles on the couch

Buck is a cuddly drunk, he usually turns into some sort of over joyous puppy who walks around and starts up a conversation with anyone who will give him attention. Eddie had to quite literally drag him away from where he’s explaining in detail to a couple what a compound fracture is.

“I’m sorry about him.” Eddie grabs him by the back of his shirt and pulls him out of the bar and pushes him towards Buck’s jeep. “Get in, I’ll take you home.”

Buck stumbles five times while attempting to get in his car, but his size seems to be too big for his drunken self so Eddie has to help him in. He dozes off leaning against the window as soon as Eddie turns the ignition on and doesn’t wake up until Eddie is pulling him out of the car once they’ve reached his building.

“Buck, c’mon, help me out.”

He blinks slowly and then more or less manages to follow Eddie all the way up to his apartment. Eddie helps him lay down on the couch and goes to get him water and painkillers. He’s about to leave when Buck grabs his wrist and tugs so hard that Eddie falls on top of him.

“Chris said to cuddle you on the couch.”

“What?” Eddie tries to push himself up, but even drunk, Buck is strong enough to maneuver them around until Eddie is laying with his back against the backrest, and Buck is perched precariously on the edge.

“What, what?” Buck sighs, face squished against Eddie’s neck.

Eddie has no choice but to wrap an arm around Buck and pull him closer; it’s either that or letting Buck fall off and bang his head against the coffee table.

“Shhh, Eddie, sleep time.”

He can’t help but smile and grip Buck a little bit tighter.

16. build a fort! / 17. cuddles IN the fort!!!

Buck and Eddie are laying on their backs, staring up at the string lights that Buck has attached to the top of the pillow fort.

“Why are we doing this?” Eddie asks.

Buck had shown up, going on about how he had found a guide on how to build a pillow fort on IKEA’s website and how they had to practice because Chris was coming back and he wanted to be the best at it by the time that happened.

Eddie had helped him out, going around the house collecting pillows and bedsheets and now there they are. It would be big enough for Christopher and another child, but two adult men are a tight fit.

Eddie shifts, his shoulder bumping into Buck’s chest.

Buck is beyond pleased with himself. “Chris is going to be so proud of you at his next sleepover. He loves pillow forts.”

Eddie turns to look at him and when Buck turns as well, their eyes meet. The twinkling lights are making Eddie’s eyes look brighter, but his face looks younger and softer. Buck really wants to kiss him right now, but he’s read the rest of the list and Chris put kissing for last so Buck looks away.

“He already knows how to build a fort, Buck.”

“I know, but this is like pro pillow forting or something.”

Eddie shakes his head at him. “So, what’s the plan, what are we doing now that we’re in here?”

“Well, I’m getting us snacks, you’re putting on a movie and we’re going to pretend we’re not boring adults for one night.”

“You never became a boring adult.”

Buck crawls out of the fort, throwing a pleased smile over his shoulder. “I know.”

When he gets back and lays down next to Eddie, Buck is hyperaware of how little space they have and he fidgets around until Eddie grabs his arm and makes him turn on his side, his chest pressed up against Eddie’s back.

“Stop moving,” Eddie orders him and Buck doesn’t have to be told twice.

He settles down and leans his chin on Eddie’s shoulder so he can look at the screen. Every once in awhile, Eddie will raise the bowl with the popcorn so Buck can get a handful and they don’t talk, they don’t need to. Buck is more aware of all the places where his and Eddie’s bodies are touching than what’s going on the screen, but he doesn’t mind.

He’s not sure when Eddie falls asleep but gradually his body goes slack in Buck’s hold and Buck can’t help but rest his head on the same pillow, his forehead touching the back of Eddie’s head and his arm tightening imperceptibly around Eddie’s waist. He closes his eyes and lets Eddie’s breath lull him into sleep.

18. tell him it’s gonna be ok

Buck finds him leaning against the side of the truck, pensive as his eyes stare at the phone in his hand. The bay is quiet, and the sun is warm. Buck hands him a cup of coffee and leans next to him.

“That Chris?” he asks, nodding to the phone.

“Yeah.” Eddie puts the phone away and takes a sip of coffee before sighing heavily, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

They’re at the end of their shift, one hour to go before they’re free and Buck feels just as exhausted as Eddie looks.

“Is he okay?”

“He sounded happy. Kinda got the impression he doesn’t want to come home.”

Buck can’t stop staring at him, kind of wants to take all his worries away, help him carry the weight. “Well, on the bright side, he has to live home for at least the next nine years.”

Eddie snorts. “Why do I get the impression you’ll be the one doing the shovel talk once he starts dating?”

Buck feels his heart double in size at the thought that Eddie thinks Buck will be around in the distant future to see that happening; very distant future because Chris is only nine and he has to stay a kid for as long as possible.

“I’m bigger so I can totally intimidate these future dates.” He puffs out his chest waddling around in an awkward robot dance that makes Eddie laugh. He takes a step closer, right into Eddie’s personal space and he feels like they’ve been dancing around this for the past month to the point where Buck is pretty sure Eddie is just waiting for him to take the first step.

“Hey, Eddie?”

Eddie arcs an eyebrow and hides his smile in his coffee. “Yes, Buck.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

Eddie’s answering smile is everything to him.

19. tell him you love him!!!

Buck stares at the nineteenth point on Christopher’s list and tries to figure out a way to make it happen. As far as he’s concerned, he feels like he’s been telling Eddie he loves him since he introduced him to Carla and Eddie had given him that smile in return. He’s been saying ‘I love you’ since Eddie told him that it wasn’t his fault Doug had gotten Maddie, ever since he argued with Maddie until she let him go to Eddie’s shield ceremony despite the broken leg and the pain he was in; ever since he organized a Christmas party so they could be together with Chris, ever since he’s built the skateboard, ever since he tried to dig at the ground to get to Eddie. He’s been saying ‘I love you’ for so long he doesn’t remember what it felt like before.

He spends the day observing Eddie, seeing him joke around with Hen, giving Chimney advice on fatherhood, looking annoyed when Bobby doesn’t let him help with lunch.

Buck is just so in love with him. But the words are stuck somewhere in his throat, scared because he’s never felt this way about anyone ever. He knows that if Eddie asked him to jump, he’d only ask how high, but even more than that, he knows he would stop taking risks at work if Eddie asked him not to because he wants to stick around.

So instead, he tells him he loves him without words.

He gets up from where he’s sitting at the table in Bobby and Athena’s garden and goes over to where he’s animatedly talking with Karen. He puts a hand on his lower back, jumps into the conversation they’re having, and smiles softly at Eddie when Eddie looks at him.

20. try kisses??

Christopher is coming back tomorrow, and this is it. Last day. Eddie has been brimming with excitement at the idea of having his kid back home and it’s all he can talk about. He doesn’t shut up about it during calls, and neither does he while they’re grabbing a drink with the others. Buck lives to see Eddie this happy. Buck is talking to Albert or at least trying to because his attention keeps being pulled over to where Eddie is dancing awkwardly while sandwiched between Chimney and Karen.

“So, how long have you guys been together?”

Buck does a double-take when he realizes that Albert is speaking to him. “What do you mean?”

“Eddie and you. I asked Maddie but she just giggled and said to leave it.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Ignore whatever she says. Eddie is my best friend.”

Albert nods solemnly. “They always say the best relationships are born from friendships. They also suggest to marry your best friend.”

Buck, who was in the middle of taking a sip, chokes on his beer. He coughs loudly, and before he knows what’s happening, Eddie is right beside him suddenly alert and sober.

“Buck, what is it?”

“He was just drinking,” Albert intervenes. “He’s okay.”

Buck coughs once more and rubs the middle of his chest but he can’t look away from Eddie’s panicked look. “I’m okay, Eddie.” He grabs Eddie’s hand and tugs to bring him out of whatever panic he's slipping into.

“I think we should go,” Eddie says, already pulling away from Buck and getting his jacket.

Buck frowns but if he’s being honest with himself, he’s tired and he’s more than happy for them to leave now.

Albert gives him a look like he knows something is going on.

They quickly say goodbye to everyone, and they step outside the bar. Buck follows Eddie over to his truck ready to tell him that he’s only had one beer so maybe he should be driving when Eddie stops and turns around so suddenly that Buck ends up bumping into him.

“Are you sure you’re okay? We can stop at the hospital on the way home.”

Buck shakes his head, rests his hands on Eddie’s shoulders to get his attention. “I’m okay, I just want to go home, okay?”

Eddie scrutinizes him and Buck lets him look for whatever it is he needs to see to believe that Buck he’s okay. After a minute, he finally nods and pulls away. “You drive.” He tosses his keys at Buck.

They don’t talk on the way over to Eddie’s and they’re still silent when they walk inside the house.

Buck heads for the living room but Eddie grabs his wrist, turns him around, and hugs him. His arms are clutching at him tightly and his nose is buried against Buck’s pulse point and Buck knows there’s no way Eddie is not feeling his heart pick up.

“I didn’t think you were okay.”

Eddie’s voice is nothing but a whisper and Buck finally hugs him back, understands where Eddie’s mind went at.

“I’m okay, Eds.”

Buck is not sure how long they stay like that but when Eddie pulls back, his eyes are clear and determined as he stares at Buck, and Buck can’t help himself. He cups Eddie’s cheek with one hand, uses the other around Eddie’s hip to push him back until his back hits the wall, and finally, finally, after months, maybe years of buildup, Buck kisses him. He swears every sound disappears and all he can feel are Eddie’s hands gripping his shoulders, fingers digging in enough to hurt but Buck is all muscles and strength.

He has pictured kissing Eddie in his mind about a million times and nothing, no dream or hope or fantasy ever even came close to what he’s feeling now with Eddie pulling him in closer, their lips moving together slowly, kiss growing deeper and deeper.

Buck pushes him a bit harder against the wall and they knock one of the frames down and they couldn’t care less.

Eddie’s hand slides up into Buck’s hair and his fingers scratch his scalp and Buck has to pull back and breath or he’s going to drown in this kiss.

Eddie’s eyes are half-lidded, his lips shiny and swollen and Buck wants to kiss him again immediately and so he does because now he can.

***

Chris throws himself into Eddie’s arms the minute he’s off the bus. Buck has been allowed to come to pick him up and he can’t stop smiling, trying his best to stop himself from nudging Eddie out of the way so he can have his hug.

Chris looks at him from over Eddie’s shoulder and god but has Buck missed this kid.

“Buck!” he screams, right by his father’s ears.

He comes over and the second Chris has freed himself from Eddie’s hold, Buck is scooping him up. “How are you doing, little guy?”

“It was awesome.”

Eddie picks up Chris’s luggage and the three of them start making their way back to Buck’s jeep. While they’re walking, Chris leans closer to Buck and whispers in his ear, “Did you use the list?”

“Yes, thank you so much for it.”

“And did you guys kiss?”

Any other time and Buck would have blushed but he’s so happy that all he can do is nod. He and Eddie haven't decided how to tell Chris but Buck assured him that it wouldn't be a problem.

Chris looks delighted and pats him on the cheek. “I told you it was going to be okay, kid.”

#buddie #daily buddie #buddie fics #911 #my fics #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan 'buck' buckley

59 notes · View notes

yulmoldauer · 4 years

Text

its better not to say such things out loud (Tyson Jost/OC): Chapter One

part 2

Story summary: Mason Wright was recently traded and because an Av. Sometimes a fresh start with a new team across the country is what a guy needs, right? It seems to work out, going to a place where no one truly knows you. That is, until someone finds out what you’re desperately trying to hide.

Chapter 1

Summary: Mason’s had a rough game, to put it simply. It was never the best idea to get into a fight with someone bigger than you. They won even with him taking a five-minute major for fighting halfway through the third period. The team goes out to celebrate his 23rd birthday post-win and Tyson takes care of getting him home and to sleep safely.

Warnings: None, I believe! Just some drinking mentioned and there’s a drunk character if that makes you uncomfortable. There’s also a slur against lgbt people used.

Words: 1,968

Notes: The title is from The Stigma (Boys Don’t Cry) by As It Is. This is the thing with the LGBT main character that I’ve had a few different people tell me they’d be interested in :) I’m having a lot of fun writing and plotting this so far, so let me know if you enjoy!

There were perks to being smaller than most other people in the league. Being an extremely fast and skilled defenseman was one of them.

Being outmatched in every possible articulation, being compared to a chihuahua yapping at a pitbull, everything like that. Which is how he ended up in the penalty box for five fucking minutes, the asshole in the box next to him chirping him the entire time, it seemed like.

“What are you, a fag?”

That was what Mason heard fly by him, aimed at Jost who wouldn’t get into a fight to draw a penalty. Mason knew for a fact that’s what the guy was trying to do. He still took the bait when Tyson didn’t.

Mason was smaller than nearly every player he knew. Watching him get into a fight was exciting yet painful at the same time for anyone with a brain. The other guy was at least six-foot compared to the five-foot-eight Mason. To say it was outmatched…

Mason was going to be lucky if he didn’t come out of this with some scrapes and bruises. A broken nose was pretty likely as well, once he thought about it.

But hearing that word ignited something in him that overtook the reasoning section of his brain and both of them were dropping gloves. Sure, he’d definitely have a black eye tomorrow, but he’d gotten a few good licks in as well.

They still won the game, which was nice.

“Dude, you gotta at least get into it with guys in your weight class.”

“You’re funny, Landeskog. Whole fucking league is out of my weight class,” Mason huffed as he stripped his padding off of his lean torso.

“Yeah, kinda the point,” Zadorov shrugged. “Not your fault you’re smaller, just the way it is.”

“I get it, I’m short,” he ran a hand through his wavy helmet hair and reached down to unlace his skates. “Z, you can fight for me, then. I’ll run my mouth and you can do all the hitting.”

“With you? Don’t take it, man, Wright can go on and on for hours,” Tyson chirped from across the room. That earned him a glove chucked at his face.

“Fuck y’all. I don’t even have a good comeback.”

“Because it’s true!”

Okay, maybe it was true. Mason was just a talker, it’s how it was.

Tyson gave him endless shit about it, but really he didn’t mind. He actually enjoyed just being able to turn his brain off and absorb whatever stuck from what Mason was going on about. Usually it didn’t even matter--ranting about how a show got robbed of some award that doesn’t even matter, spewing information about whatever book he was reading, going off about whatever asshole did something stupid during his day-- Tyson would just let him go until he ran out of steam. Conversations were nice, too, when he was in just a talkative mood as well.

Mason did know how to shut up, though. Sometimes. (Hint: that’s what made him the favorite out of the Wright/Zadorov best friend duo. He could be quieter than Z. They’ve threatened to separate the two on multiple occasions, though.)

“What’d that guy even do to rile you up? You looked pissed,” Nate broke Mason out of his train of thought.

“Just called someone something stupid. I’m not gonna repeat it.”

“He called me a fag because I wouldn’t take the bait for the penalty,” Tyson said soon after. “He’s just a fucking moron because he got a longer penalty than any of us.”

There was an uncomfortable moment as that sunk in, then a few “what the fuck” or “that’s gross” phrases before people moved on to heading to the showers.

Mason was about to sneak away when Tyson called out his name.

“Hey, I wanted to catch you before you hit the shower. You got a second?”

“Yeah, sure. I just have to do some pt kind of stuff before I shower. What’s up?” he offered with a friendly smile.

“I just wanted to thank you for sticking up for me. You definitely didn’t have to, but calling him on it drew a ton of attention to it. I think it’s really important to start weeding that shit out of the sport, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Mason smiled. “I--thanks, man. That means a lot to me.”

“‘Course,” Tyson gave a nod. “And you know if you were, like… y’know, gay or… anything, really, I wouldn’t care. And neither would anyone else on the team. It’d totally be okay.”

Mason wanted to give him a reassuring “I know” but couldn’t. Hockey was definitely not the environment known for welcoming lgbt kids and turning them into well-adjusted, accepted adults.

“Thanks,” Mason murmured. “Really, that means a lot.”

“Of course,” Tyson breathed, like he was getting a huge weight off his chest. “Um, yeah. I’ll let you go do your physical therapy stuff now. I’ll see you at the bar after everything’s done here?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna ditch you for my birthday, idiot.”

With an excited smile, Tyson turned and headed in the opposite direction.

Once he reached an area to chill out while waiting for the showers to clear out, Mason sighed, plopping into a chair and resting his head in his hands.

Obviously he knew why Tyson brought up starting to call out homophobia and other bigoted shit they were all used to just overlooking. But why did he bring up the whole ‘we’d accept you no matter what’ thing?

The thought of ‘he was very sensitive to a slur so maybe he’s gay’ never crossed Mason’s mind. That would simply be too easy and rational.

Did Tyson know he was different? What exactly did Tyson know? There was no way Tyson would out him, but still. Trusting people to keep a secret was hard. It was just easier to bottle everything up.

God, he needed to figure this out.

Maybe he’d get drunk enough tonight to just forget for a little while. He didn’t get drunk or even drink all that often, he could let go every now and then.

At the beginning of the night, Gabe took his keys, promising that he’d give them to whoever would be driving Mason home. They all knew for a fact Mason wouldn’t drive drunk, it wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities. Honestly, they were more worried about the newly twenty-three-year-old losing them or putting them somewhere so he’d ‘remember where they are later’, which was proven ineffective at the last gathering Gabe threw.

“If you can’t figure out where the stupid keys are, he can come get them in the morning or I can drop them off to him or something,” Gabe rolled his eyes.

“You’re sure you don’t remember where you put them?” JT triple-checked. He’d been the designated driver for a few of them, including Mason, Tyson, and a couple others who had already gotten out to the car.

Mason shook his head. “I’m not even that drunk,” he insisted.

“Uh-huh. Gabe, just let me know if you find ‘em and we can work something out for him in the morning.”

Twenty minutes later, Gabe sent a picture and “anyone know who these belong to?” in the group chat. It was, without a doubt, Mason’s keys, adorned with a keychain reading “DETROIT” in graffiti lettering. He was from Detroit, and everyone knew that he refused to take that keychain off until it literally fell off for some sentimental reason, most likely.

‘Lol where’d you find it?’ someone texted back.

‘My dishwasher. His wallet was there too’

Mason has still never heard the end of that. No matter how hard he tried to explain that when he put them somewhere, it meant that he wouldn’t lose them or buy something stupid online (last time that happened, he bought a thing to hang on a window so your cat could sit on it and sunbathe. Mason has not owned a cat at any point in his life.) and he’d remember where it was once he sobered up.

Of course he still gets relentless shit for it. He wouldn’t expect any different.

Currently, Mason and Z were arm wrestling over a table in the back of the bar, people beginning to call it quits and going home. And with his pride hurt that he could not beat Z in an arm wrestling match, Tyson stole the other’s keys and wallet from Gabe, saying goodbyes and forcing Mason to as well.

“You are blasted, man.”

“Mmph,” he shrugged and laid his head against the passenger window. “I wanna lay down and sleep.”

“You can when I get you home. Gimmie your seatbelt so I can buckle you in.”

Mason followed the order with a small pout, not drunk enough to the point of incoherence but… definitely a little fucked up. Tyson had done this before: dealing with the mopey friend at the end of the night. Mason was definitely one to get mopey or clingy once they left the main event.

“My face hurts.”

“That checks out, buddy. I’ll get you some ice for it back at your place. What?” Tyson continued to ask when Mason stared out the windshield all angsty.

“Still can’t believe I couldn’t beat Z.”

“That guy could slam most of us through a table, don’t beat yourself up.”

“Can’t. Someone already did.”

“You’re full of jokes, huh?”

Mason just grinned sleepily as they pulled into the apartment complex and Tyson had an arm wrapped around his friend to keep him steady. Getting a drunk person to go to bed was usually one of the hardest parts of the night.

“Would you just--”

“I got it,” Mason huffed, fumbling with his keys near the lock of the door.

“Dude.”

“Shut up, you’re gonna wake up my neighbors,” he grumbled, finally getting the door open with a triumphant “see? I’m an adult.”

“I see. Go be an adult and get ready to go to bed,” Tyson rolled his eyes, taking the keys out of the door and locking it behind them.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” he replied quickly.

“You’re drunk, what do you mean you don’t want to sleep?”

“Not tired,” he flopped down on the couch.

“At least get out of your clothes. That way if you fall asleep it’s in pajamas.”

Mason was sprawled out, already clicking through Netflix.

“Fine, I will go get you pajamas. Here,” Tyson pressed a cold compress to a bruise on his face and headed to the bedroom.

“Thanks for driving me,” he heard from the other room.

“‘Course,” Tyson called back. “Here, put these on,” he tossed the clothes at Mason.

“Are you staying here? You can take the guest room, if you want.”

“Sure. Probably easier than trying to get home this late,” Tyson shrugged and headed for the kitchen. As he heard the rustling around of what he assumed was his friend changing, Tyson got a glass of water and painkillers for when Mason woke up.

“I can drive you home tomorrow,” Mason slurred even more heavily as he began getting more tired. He’d managed to get his jeans off and a pair of shorts on before moving onto the shirt. He’d just pulled his shirt off when Tyson walked back in the room with the water.

“Woah,” he said quietly, stopping quickly.

For whatever reason, he’d never realized that he had never seen his teammate and friend shirtless. That was weird, especially when you played sports together for a living. He assumed it was due to the faded scars along his chest, almost in a u-shape under each pec.

He didn’t even know what kind of injury would cause that kind of surgery.

“When did you get surgery?”

Fuck was all that ran through Mason’s head.

#nhl #hockey #mens hockey #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #fanfiction #m/m ship #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #hockey fandom #nhl fandom #tyson jost #avalanche #colorado avalanche #Colorado Avalanche fanfic #my stuff

21 notes · View notes

haleths · 4 years

Text

BIG thank you to @going-there-and-back-again for tagging me in this!! I’m so sorry for the delay, it’s been a busy week ♡ ♡ ♡

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? I used to write in black pen religiously but now I’ll happily use either

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Somewhere in between?? I adore the countryside and would absolutely looovveeee to live there, but I’m also very lazy and would lose my mind if I had to drive 30 minutes to find a supermarket

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? Ice skating, skateboarding, rollerblading. Don’t ask me why, I just think people who can do that stuff are cool as HECK

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Nope. I drink tea no sugar, no milk. Cause I’m hardcore

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Malory Towers, oh my god PLEASE tell me someone else read those as a kid! I fell asleep listening the audio books every night and named all my Barbies after the main characters.....

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? DRAGON. I WNNA BE A DRAGON

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper. Gotta get that new book smell

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? I own the BEST oversized, knitted jumpers. I’m counting down the days till autumn when I can wear them again

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? I really don’t like my name, I never have. My parents were going to call me Juliet which is wayyyy better than Ashleigh. But it would feel weird to answer to any other name at this point, so I’ll probably just leave it...

11. Who is a mentor to you? My therapist??

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? Hmmm, kind of. I value my privacy too much to be like FAMOUS famous, but it’d be nice to be recognised occasionally or be known in society in some lowkey way

13. Are you a restless sleeper? It usually takes me a while to get to sleep but once I’m out, I’m OUT

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? I’ve not felt a Romantic Feeling™ in over 10 years so you tell me

15. Which element best represents you? Air

16. Who do you want to be closer to? No one. I’m really content with all my relationships atm

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? No (I'm a real people person, can you tell?)

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory: I remember listening to the Shrek soundtrack on repeat and making up dances for each song. I then performed the whole thing one Christmas to my entire family.... let’s move on

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Ostrich. It tastes kind of like meaty chicken

20. What are you most thankful for? My mental/physical health, my job, my home. I know that lockdown has been hard for many people and I’m very privileged to be able to say that I've been doing just fine. I do not take that for granted and I’m extremely thankful

21. Do you like spicy food? Oooooo yeeessssss, I put paprika on e v e r y t h i n g

22. Have you ever met someone famous? No, but I’m not sure I’d want to. Spotting someone from a distance is fine, but going up and talking to them? Interrupting their day with my incessant rambling? Absolutely not

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I did for 6 months when I was 13. I get it out sometimes whenever I need a good cringe.

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pen for writing, pencil for drawing

25. What is your star sign? Libra sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Soggy (I’m so sorry)

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Oh god, I don’t know... I’d like to leave the world in a better state than I found it? To have done some good, made some change

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? You see, I want to like reading, but I just suck at it. My concentration goes after like 10 minutes and I often get stuck on one book for months. I’m currently attempting to reread The Silmarillion

29. How do you show someone you love them? By giving them my time and attention. Being alone is my default state so you know that if I’m actively choosing to spend time with you, I must really care about you

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? I guess. I’ll have it at a restaurant for example, but I’d never buy ice to use at home

31. What are you afraid of? F a i l u r e

32. What is your favourite scent? Watermelon, or anything sweet/fruity

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? First name

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I wouldn’t live it too differently to now tbh. I’d still want to work, I don’t know what I’d do otherwise! I’m really not into possessions so it’s not like I’d be out there living the luxury lifestyle. Obviously money = security so I’d be grateful for that

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Swimming pools

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? Leave it there?? I wouldn’t want to get involved idk...

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? No, I never have :(

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? Acceptance, of themselves and others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? It’d have to be something simple, like a symbol or line drawing or something, wherever it would hurt the least

40. What can you hear right now? Kids screaming outside (they’re just playing, it’s fine)

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home, definitely.

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My low self-esteem. I think we’d all be unstoppable if we thought more of ourselves

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? The 80′s for the music. The Renaissance for the art. And Medieval times for the DRAGONS

44. What is your most used emoji? 🙃

45. Describe yourself using one word: Enthusiastic

46. What do you regret the most? I’m not sure that I regret anything... I dropped out of university over 3 years ago so obviously further education was the “wrong” choice for me. But I love my life right now and I’d never have made it here if it wasn’t for the mistakes I made

47. Last movie you saw? Arrival. SO good

48. Last TV show you watched? Sex Education. SO SO good

49. Invent a word and its meaning:

CHESTURE verb | ches • ture 1. The unbearable frustration when you feel when struggling to perform a precise, intricate task e.g. threading a needle ↪ “Damn, I just can’t thread this needle! I am so chestured!”

I’ll throw this out to anyone who’s bored and feels like answering some personal questions ♡ ♡ ♡

#thanks again :)#tag game #long post

5 notes · View notes

yumeka36 · 5 years

Text

Well, I know I said a while back when more Frozen 2 leaks came out that I was gonna avoid making anymore posts expressing my thoughts until I actually see the movie myself...but alas, what I’d consider the jackpot of leaks came out yesterday causing me to develop more thoughts I feel are better expressed now than later. As usual, skip this post if you don’t want to be supremely spoiled...

After the initial leaks from the not-yet-released mythology book a few weeks ago, which confirmed the movie will end with Anna as queen of Arendelle and Elsa as the Snow Queen/fifth spirit, the real question we’ve had since then is: will they continue to live together or separately? Many official sources such as storybooks and interviews with the creators hinted at separation, and after nearly two weeks of letting the realization that this movie won’t end in the way I would have liked practically eat me alive, I decided it was best to just remain positive, as the events of the story’s third act are still mostly a mystery.

Before I continue, I just want to point out that I understand both sides of the fandom right now: the side that feels hurt and betrayed by this kind of ending, and the side that’s more accepting and doesn’t want to jump to conclusions without seeing it firsthand. It’s been tough for me being in the middle - at times I totally get the backlash. We fell in love with the story of the first movie and shorts about two sisters reconnecting and now the sequel ends with them finding happiness elsewhere. But at the same time, I know that living separately doesn’t diminish familial bonds and it’s a normal thing that happens. I know it’s easy to dismiss it as a trend since a lot of other recent family movie sequels had similar endings, but I want to judge it in its own right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not happy we’re getting a separation ending, but I also know I’ll love 95% of this movie, so I can’t bring myself to throw in the towel at the last 5% without seeing every detail for myself, every word of dialogue, every scene, every nuance in character expressions and actions. I’d feel much more okay with this ending if this was Frozen 3 we’re talking about and we had another Frozen 2 that focused on Anna and Elsa reconnecting as sisters. To go from the end of the first Frozen with them finally getting to know each other after 13 years apart, straight to a sequel that ends with them separating is a leap that really needed more padding. The shorts fill the gap somewhat, but not enough in my opinion. We should have had a Frozen 2 story about Elsa trying to get over her guilt about shutting Anna out all those years, and once that’s resolved, it ends with a return to the status quo that sets the stage for the story we actually have in Frozen 2 (which should be Frozen 3!) I really feel we needed one more “smaller” story like this to pad things out after the first Frozen before the major changes that happens in Frozen 2 (can we get a Frozen 1.5 anyone?) But as I’ll describe further in this post, I’m not convinced that the last 5% of Frozen 2 will be so bad that it will override everything else about the movie, or Frozen in general.

I should also mention that I’ve always been neutral to Kristoff and his relationship with Anna. I find Anna and Elsa’s relationship way more appealing and interesting, but I’ve also always believed Anna has plenty of room in her big heart for sisterly love for Elsa and romantic love for Kristoff. Since they skipped any talk of marriage in the first Frozen, it was no surprise at all that it would be brought up in the sequel. Since they intend Frozen 2 to be the last installment (for now) they couldn’t leave a loose end like Kristoff and Anna’s engagement. I could take it or leave it, but as long as Anna and Elsa’s relationship is portrayed as the strongest bond (which it seems to be) I don’t mind giving Anna romantic love too (and maybe Elsa one day?)

But anyway, yes, a month before its official release, several page scans from the The Art of Frozen 2 have leaked, which pretty much confirm the ending alluded to in the mythology book and many others. And honestly, after taking some time to let all the information sink in, I’m not as upset as I thought I would be. At first I thought I was just numb by now, having already been sick about it for nearly two weeks after the mythology book leaked. But more likely, I think I’ve just made myself form a different perspective. In all the fandoms I partake in, I always try to make myself open to different interpretations of the characters and story even if they don’t fully agree with my own. I understand that there’s a risk involved with falling too deeply in love with someone else’s creation - that they may not interpret the characters and story the same way you do and it becomes difficult to distinguish your own headcanon perspective vs actual canon. What I think has happened with the Frozen fandom is an unfortunate case where lack of canon material has caused me (and no doubt others) to indulge so much in my own headcanons that I started to see it as “fact” when it really is just my interpretation and “filling in the blanks” so to speak.

To illustrate, Anna and Elsa spend very little time together in the first movie, which is what makes their rekindled love for each other at the end so impacting. But if you think about it, the ice skating together in the original Frozen’s epilogue plus a few more scenes in the two short films, only equates to about a half hour’s worth of content showing them interacting as sisters. When you have such an appealing character relationship but such a small amount of canon content with which to interpret it over a span of six years, it’s only natural that my own headcanons took over until I started seeing them as the only interpretation. Especially for Elsa, who has a lot less screentime in the first movie than Anna, so honestly we really don’t know her that well. Have I really seen enough of her in the first movie plus two shorts to say with certainty that she could never be happy without Anna always being by her side? Is the filmmakers’ view of her as a “protector” and “mythical character” who feels at home in the enchanted lands less valid than my own interpretation of her? Again, when I try to describe Elsa I realize that much of it is based on my own headcanons, which are perfectly valid, but I shouldn’t be surprised if it turns out the filmmakers have a different vision for her. Just because I personally love all the sisterly moments between Anna and Elsa and so always want that to exist in the Frozen universe so I can keep indulging in it, mean that any other direction for the story is bad? Of course anyone can infer basic things about Anna and Elsa without any headcanons, such as the fact that they love each other and enjoy being together, but when I ask myself questions like “What evidence do I really have that they’ll always want to live together?” or “Is Elsa really perfectly content being the queen of Arendelle as opposed to doing something else?” or “Does true love mean always having to physically be close to each other in order to be happy?” I realize that I can’t answer them as confidently as I’d like.

As I asked myself questions like this and read the leaked art book pages a few times over - especially the foreward - I came to the conclusion that the creators did indeed put a lot of love and effort into their choices for Frozen 2, and their thought process for developing the story as described in the foreward makes sense even if it’s not the direction I personally would have gone. As I was reading it, I thought, if another fan like myself wrote it I would think “Hm, that’s an interesting interpretation, not quite how I see it, but valid nonetheless.” But in this case, the one with that interpretation is the creators, so all you can do is accept their view or move away. It’s not like they were way off and focused the sequel on a new character and pushed Anna and Elsa into the background, or even focused a lot on Anna and Kristoff: from everything I’ve read, the focus of Frozen 2 is still the “undying love of two sisters” (as Josh Gad put it), just not in the way I was expecting. Anna and Elsa’s bond has been conveyed as so strong it’s almost omnipotent and ethereal, even more so it seems in the sequel, so the interpretation is twofold: does the fact that it’s this strong mean that they always have to be together in order to be happy, or does it mean that time and space doesn’t matter because it’s so strong? Obviously the filmmakers (and others) interpret it the latter way while many fans interpret it the former. But can we really say one view is wrong and the other is right?

And even with all these leaks, there’s still a lot we don’t know: we still don’t know exactly what happens in Ahtohallan and other events leading up to the epilogue. We don’t know for sure that being the “fifth spirit” means Elsa will become a literal spirit or just get a boost in magical power. We don’t know all the whys and hows of her choosing to become the Snow Queen and giving the role of queen to Anna. These are very important plot points that I feel are best judged by actually seeing it with my own eyes and not drawing conclusions from vague book descriptions and concept art. Until I see it for myself, I can’t say how I’ll feel, so it’s better for my health and well being if I just stay positive. But even knowing all that I do about the ending now, when I look at my Frozen collection and all the imagery of Anna and Elsa holding hands and hugging, I’m asking myself “Does my knowledge of the Frozen 2 ending make me feel less connected to all the ‘snow sisters’ stuff I’ve indulged in for six years?” And to be honest, as of now, it doesn’t, which is a good sign. I do feel sad and jarred that I now have to throw out six year’s worth of headcanons and fan stories I’ve created in my mind...but you know what, I’m willing to start again because I still love Anna and Elsa and I think there will always be great story potential for them. I see the “old” Frozen imagery now as, yes, they had their time living together as sisters (would have liked to see more of it in canon but oh well) and now they have different roles in life, but that doesn’t negate the time they shared and the love they have. Of course, my opinion could change when I actually see Frozen 2, for better or worse, but I’ve already spent so long looking forward to this movie, there’s no point in backing out now and not making the best of it.

As I stated in a past post (from right before the first leaks happened) my Frozen fandom is at a crossroads now and I can’t predict what it will be like a few months from now: I could love Frozen 2 and my fandom will continue on a long time, especially if Disney announces more installments (I still think Frozen 3 or 1.5 is a possibility), or I could find the ending distasteful enough that it makes me lose interest sooner, or regardless of whether I like the sequel or not, I lose interest in Frozen and move onto other fandoms. Or maybe I won’t, and lack of official content from Disney will cause me to take up fanfiction writing or something like that. But whatever happens, I’m going to stay positive because I don’t like being negative. For those of you who are appalled at the ending, I understand and I hope you’ll still see the movie for yourself it’ll change your mind even a little, but please handle it in the way that’s best for you (leave the fandom, indulge in fanfiction, sell your merch). And for others who are being accepting of it, I hope we end up pleasantly surprised.

Okay, I’ve rambled on long enough. This should be the last thought-spilling Frozen 2 post I write until I actually see the movie - I can’t imagine we could get anymore leaks or information at this point that would drastically change my view. In the meantime, I’m just gonna lay low and reserve final judgment until November 22nd (or sooner if I win tickets to the premiere!)

#frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 2 spoilers #frozen2 #disney frozen

85 notes · View notes

vexedtonightmares · 5 years

Text

-it’s nice to have a friend-

for: 75 dates in the skam universe (sorry this is late oops)

@theskamlibrary

pairing: elu

prompt: rollerskating date

aka 5 times lucas and eliott were most definitely not on a date, and one time they were.

Platonically roller skating with your bro was cool, right? No homo or anything? Not that Lucas didn’t want there to be homo, he just didn’t think Eliott did. They weren’t on a date, obviously, but all of their other friends had bailed on plans last minute, so they’d adjusted the plans and it ended up being just the two of them. Roller skating like bros.

The lights cast a violet haze over them as they tied their skates up, illuminating Eliott’s smile like it was a work of art by itself. The little wheels on the bottom of Eliott’s shoes were a luminescent blue, the color of the sky, or the color of his eyes, depending on the way you looked at them. Lucas’ were yellow, which was whatever, yellow wasn’t his favorite color but it wasn’t his least favorite either. He’d argued with Eliott when they were picking them up, because the yellow used to be the color Eliott always wore when they’d skated there years ago, and blue was Lucas’ color, but unfortunately their feet were different sizes now and he was thus relegated to yellow.

The local roller rink only ever played the cheesiest music, and Lucas wasn’t disappointed that night, he was pretty sure “Dancing Queen” by Abba was playing at the moment. Cheesy, of course, but much better than what it could have been. Last time he was there they’d played Justin Bieber on loop for an hour. His ears were still bleeding when he thought about it long enough.

Eliott finished tying his skates before Lucas did, holding out a hand to help him up once he did finish. If Eliott felt the electricity when their hands touched, he didn’t show it. Still clasping Eliott’s hand, he was led across the carpeted area over to the actual roller rink where the swirling lights shone brighter than in the lobby area, casting unique designs on everyone and everything.

Just as they stepped onto the rink, the song changed, a somewhat melancholy tune he hadn’t heard before, transporting him into the feeling that he was in a movie, or somewhere he could pretend this actually was a date and that Eliott’s hand on his meant something more than it did.

They’d come to this same roller rink so many times as kids, their preferred place to be Eliott and Lucas, best friend extraordinaires. It was the place that Lucas, at age thirteen, had first realized what he felt for his best friend went a little beyond friendship. Maybe it was the way that the lights reflected off his unruly hair, the way that they were doing so now, or maybe it was Eliott singing the horrible cheesy music to him at the top of his lungs like they were the only two people in the world, but Lucas had fallen hard then and had never come back from it. He’d only gotten better at hiding it.

When Eliott got a girlfriend Lucas wondered if he’d bring her here, it’s where Lucas would have wanted to go on a real date, but he never did. Lucas had asked him about it once and Eliott had just shrugged and said Lucille didn’t like roller skating, she preferred ice skating. It made sense, but Lucas allowed himself to believe that Eliott never brought any dates here because it was a special place to the two of them. Of course it wasn’t true, but he was nothing if not effective at convincing himself their connection went deeper than friendship.

Eliott wore his heart on his sleeve, which was a beautiful and brilliant habit, but it did hurt when that heart never looked at him, not once. Lucas’ heart couldn’t keep its eyes off Eliott, he was just better at hiding these things. It was easier when he was only just realizing his feelings for Eliott, because no one knew how he felt about boys at that point, so he could easily pretend his moony expressions and mild avoidances were attributed to some nonexistent girl on his mind. Nowadays, things were getting harder, but at least Lucas had years of practice.

The dreamy atmosphere had Lucas closing his eyes, letting himself skate without looking, imagining that he was soaring above the clouds, and that the lights surrounding him came from the sun setting and casting colors on the clouds he floated through.

“I’ve missed this,” Eliott said, spinning Lucas around. Lucas opened his eyes, catching his balance on the end of the spin before he stumbled into Eliott.

“Missed what?” he asked, words as feather light as the eyelashes Eliott looked at him through.

“Me and you, the roller rink,” Eliott said, “You’re always different when we’re here, freer.”

Lucas supposed it was true, something about the atmosphere just made Lucas feel at home, reminded him of some of their best memories. He loved their other friends, he did, but some part of him had always hoped it would just be the two of them forever. He didn’t know Eliott felt the same way.

“It’s because we’re floating on the clouds,” he said, gliding past Eliott, turning around to watch as he followed. “When else do we get to do that?”

Eliott shrugged as he skated closer. “Every time I’m with you I feel like I’m floating in the best way possible.”

Lucas became intimately aware of how close Eliott was to him, their hands no longer tied together, but brushing with a purpose as Lucas skated backward and Eliott skated forward, side by side, strides completely in sync.

It was easy to pretend this was more than it was, that Eliott might take his hand with a different purpose and pull him close, that they might spin together under the cheesy and cliche disco ball hanging over their heads, spinning until they were dizzy and drunk in love.

Looking up at Eliott, seeing the corners of his eyes creased as he looked down at Lucas, smile on his face that Lucas fell in love with every night before he went to bed, Lucas was struck with a realization. He’d always thought Eliott was the sun, and he was the moon, but he knew it wasn’t true. Eliott was the entire universe, and he was just a star passing by, so grateful to be a part of it.

If he couldn’t have Eliott in every way, it was nice to have him at all.

The plan hadn’t been to go back to the roller rink, but there they were, skates in hand, watching the neon glow of their childhood together, all those memories, ready to make more. This time they hadn’t even bothered to ask their other friends, and Lucas wondered why. He knew from his end, but he didn’t know why Eliott didn’t protest. They’d hardly been alone together since their last day at the roller rink, and Lucas wondered if he’d done something wrong.

The rink was practically empty, as it always was these days, but Lucas preferred it that way. When they’d come as children the rink was always overflowing with people, old and young, and their parents would get mad at them for disappearing, only to be found in the middle of the rink, spinning each other until they got so dizzy they felt like they were going to throw up.

Lucas wondered if the rink might close someday soon, it was obvious their business wasn’t what it used to be, and he hoped to any god that would listen that wasn’t the case. This was the one place where he could let himself be free and in love and Eliott didn’t notice because he was free as well. Free to do what, Lucas never knew, but he could always tell the differences the roller rink wrought in both of them.

Their skates were the same as last time, Lucas with yellow and Eliott with blue. They had never even considered buying their own skates, even though they probably could have used them. Although, from the small number of people at the rink, it didn’t seem likely that many people other than them were using those particular skates.

Skating always required a lot more energy that Lucas thought it would, despite having done this activity more times than he could count, so he and Eliott took a break after a while, right as the trusty sounds of Justin Bieber filled the speakers.

They sat at a table, Lucas watching Eliott, who was focusing intently. He was drawing something on Lucas’ hand, a thing he’d done since they were kids and Lucas had only grown to love more and more as they both got older.

When Eliott was like this, working on a certain task with laser focus, Lucas was free to watch him all he wanted. It was perhaps one of his favorite things to do, to take in all the minute details that made Eliott Eliott.

Like this: the way one of his eyes squinted more than the other while he drew, trying to get his design exactly how he’d pictured it in his head. Or this: the way the roller rink lights only illuminated one half of his face and his hair from the way he was sitting, changing color every second or so from red to purple to pink to orange to yellow to green to blue and back again. The way one of Eliott’s hands held Lucas’ in place on the table so he could draw from all angles, and the way that even that simple touch could make all of Lucas’ nerves stand on end and his heart race in his chest.

Nearly everything Eliott did made Lucas’ heart race, but when they touched it was like someone had set off an array of fireworks in his chest and wouldn’t stop until they parted. Lucas didn’t ever want the fireworks to stop.

“Done!” Eliott said, clearly pleased with himself as he put the cap back on his pen and released Lucas’ hand. Lucas lifted his hand to see the design and grinned against his will.

Eliott was the absolute only person in the world that could call him Choupi or refer to him as a hedgehog and live to tell the tale. Arthur had called him Choupi as a joke, a total of one time, and had nearly lost both of his kneecaps.

These animals, the way that they served as an embodiment of who they were, were Lucas and Eliott’s thing. Eliott’s first, but Lucas had been his best friend as long as he could remember, and they shared everything, especially the things that meant the most to them. Eliott had known Lucas wouldn’t laugh when he talked about raccoons and how he felt a connection to them, and Lucas had known that when Eliott drew him as a hedgehog for the first time it wasn’t an insult, but a show of love.

The drawing on Lucas’ hand was of a hedgehog and a raccoon roller skating together, small hearts surrounding them as they smiled, the hedgehog looking in front of him and the raccoon looking at the hedgehog.

“I love it Eliott,” Lucas said, because he did. I love you, he meant, because he did.

Eliott’s answering smile, so big that it looked like it might actually hurt, made Lucas’ heart melt into a giant puddle inside his chest and made him forget how to breathe momentarily. What else was new.

They had to wait for the ink to dry on his hand before they went back to the rink, because Eliott had a tendency to pull Lucas by the hand or to catch him when he slipped, and Eliott was adamant about not letting the ink smudge. Lucas was just as adamant about it, but he would never admit it aloud.

“Why hearts?” He found himself asking as they waited, cursing his brain for allowing him to speak at all. Eliott went red and Lucas wanted to slam his head into the table. Way to be obvious, Lucas.

Eliott gestured to the rink, and Lucas nearly slammed his head on the table in embarrassment. Of course. The decorations were all heart shaped because Valentine’s Day was coming up. He was an idiot, an absolute idiot. “Forgot about the best holiday of the year?” Eliott asked, voice lilting and teasing.

“Of course you would think it’s the best holiday of the year,” Lucas teased right back, because he knew that Eliott loved cheesy holidays like that.

“Maybe if you had a hot guy by your side you’d like it more,” Eliott laughed, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Lucas laughed instinctively, despite the pain stabbing into his chest.

Lucas raised his own eyebrows. “Right back at you.”

Did it hurt that, when Eliott had come out as pan a year after Lucas had come out as gay, he still never looked at Lucas as more than a friend? Definitely not.

“Who says I don’t have one?” Eliott said, grinning and nudging his side.

Lucas tried not to let his broken heart tear his insides too deeply. “I hope they’re worth it,” he said, because he didn’t know what else to say.

“They are,” Eliott said, touching his hand lightly before gripping it and pulling him away from the table and back onto the rink.

A ballad was playing, just like at middle school dances, but Eliott was undisturbed, singing the lyrics into Lucas’ ear while he did a dramatic display that he would argue should have put him in a world famous musical. Lucas fell in love again.

Somehow the whole gang had caught wind of their roller skating plans, so roller skating for two had turned into roller skating for five. It was probably a good thing, the last time they’d been to the rink alone had been a little too much for Lucas to handle. All the Valentine’s decorations were gone, replaced with their usual decor, magical in its own way.

Eliott hadn’t ever told him who he’d been talking about that day, and they’d ended up spending Valentine’s together watching a cheesy rom com Eliott had begged Lucas to come over and watch. He never asked why Eliott wasn’t out with someone like he’d done for the past five years of their lives, because sometimes he didn’t need all the answers. Sometimes he just needed his best friend to need him, even if it was on a holiday meant for lovers.

Eliott’s skates still had blue wheels, Lucas’ still had yellow, but their colors were joined by Yann’s pink, Arthur’s green, and Basile’s orange. Lucas had asked Eliott to come with him to the roller rink that day because it had been classic rock night, which meant the music would be good for a change, and they could enjoy it without making fun of it.

The first notes of Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” played as Lucas stepped onto the rink, four of his best friends behind him. If any of them were suspicious about Lucas’ feelings towards Eliott, they didn’t say anything to him or Eliott, so at least there were small miracles in the world.

The spirit of Freddie Mercury propelled Lucas forward, and maybe he was showing off a little bit, but all the trips he’d taken here over the years had paid off in some ways. Basile was fumbling along, and Arthur kept nearly falling only because he was laughing as Basile so hard. Yann knew what he was doing, but someone had to keep an eye on Arthur and Basile, so Eliott and Lucas did what they always did, blocking out everyone and everything else.

Lucas lapped Yann, Arthur, and Basile nearly three times before Eliott, laughing, told him to slow down, otherwise their friends would feel too inadequate. Eliott took one of his hands, one of Basile’s, pulling the two of them as Lucas scrambled to grab onto Yann who grabbed onto Arthur so they wouldn’t get left behind.

Classic rock night tended to bring out an older crowd than usual, so they got a great number of dirty glares from the other attendees as their five person line stumbled their way around the rink. Basile nearly took out a husband and wife, trying to sway and skate on their own, and Arthur ran into the barrier on the side of the rink more times than they could count. Everyone was laughing too hard to care about any of it, Lucas and Eliott in the middle changing things up every once and a while to throw the others off balance.

Perhaps it had been a long while, but to Lucas it felt like no time at all, so when Basile, Yann, and Arthur left to return their skates, out of breath and possibly nauseous, Lucas and Eliott stayed for one more song, letting themselves pretend it had been the two of them alone the entire time.

“This wasn’t what I expected,” Eliott said as they skated, looking over at their other friends.

“What?” Lucas asked, looking up at Eliott as he always was.

Eliott looked down at him, meeting his gaze. Piercing, bright, electric, everything. “I thought it would just be the two of us.” They kept skating, and Lucas was glad the lights were alternating between purple and pink, hiding the blush on his cheeks. After a moment, Eliott continued, “Didn’t you?”

“I did,” Lucas said without thinking it through, panicking a second only to be rewarded by a brief but luminescent grin on Eliott’s end.

“Next time,” Eliott said, like he was certain there would be a next time. There probably would, but it was hard for Lucas to have that kind of certainty about anything, always expecting the worst to disrupt his life. The only thing he’d ever been certain of was loving Eliott, and some days it was hard to tell whether that was the best or worst thing in his life.

The song ended too soon, and Eliott’s smile went with it. Was it selfish to wish to pause time, just to witness Eliott’s joy for one more second?

But he couldn’t pause time, so the moment passed and Eliott and Lucas vacated the roller rink to go find their friends. Their friends, who didn’t understand the significance of a roller rink, or a hedgehog, and who didn’t make Lucas’ heart beat in irregular patterns every time they were together.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to have people who didn’t understand, but sometimes Lucas wished that they would, that they would see that he was in love and there was nothing any of them could so about it. Yet it was always a relief and a curse when they would ask him who he had his eyes on, who he wanted to hook up with. On the one hand, they didn’t know, and on the other they didn’t know.

So Lucas reveled in his own melancholy, determined to stay that way until the day he either died or stopped loving Eliott, whichever came first. Given that these feelings had prevailed for almost four years at this point, he was pretty sure the former was more likely.

“Eluuuuuu!” Basile yelled as they met up, and Lucas rolled his eyes. He didn’t know when his friends had decided to combine their names and refer to them as such, but somehow it had stuck and didn’t seem like it would go away any time soon. Secretly, Lucas loved it. Not so secretly, Eliott loved it.

“Basyarthur,” Eliott greeted with a wide grin, combining the other three’s names in a similar fashion every time, but always a different combination.

Arthur nodded appreciatively. “I think that one’s my favorite so far.”

“Why thank you,” Eliott said with a mock bow, meeting Lucas’ eyes as he straightened up. Like a shot from a movie the light began to frame his face, circling him in a glow of neon light, spectral divinity dancing across each and every one of his features. Lucas knew he was staring, but he couldn’t stop himself as he did so.

“Lucas?” A nudge on his shoulder snapped him out of his reverie. Eliott was still looking at him, but the intensity had vacated his eyes and the lights had gone back to normal. Yann nudged him again. “Shall we?” he asked, gesturing to the entrance.

Lucas nodded noncommittally, following everyone a few steps behind them. Eliott hung back as well, brushing a finger across the back of Lucas’ hand, a grounding sort of gesture they’d used for years when the other person seemed out of sorts. The touch was sweet and gentle and said I’m here. The touch also set Lucas’ heart aflame, but that was something he was working on.

Someday, maybe, that touch would say you’re mine and I’m yours and this was the way it was always meant to be. Someday, maybe, that touch would set Eliott’s heart aflame as well.

But for now, Lucas looked up at Eliott, and Eliott looked down at him, and they smiled, always finding a way to be alone together in a room, no matter how big or small the crowd around them.

Lucas wasn’t sure which one of them suggested it, but going to the roller rink high off their asses was an entirely new experience. School was about to start soon and Eliott was anxious about going to university, so they’d decided they needed a way to relieve stress. The roller rink was the obvious solution, the weed was just an extra incentive.

He couldn’t stop laughing, and he was sure the rink attendees knew or at least suspected that they were high, but thankfully the rink was empty enough that no one said anything.

They were in the same skates with their yellow and blue wheels once again, and Lucas couldn’t stop spinning the wheels with his hands long enough to put the skates on his feet. Was it just him or were the wheels spinning faster than usual? He laughed, catching sight of Eliott through the wheels.

“Lu… cas…” Eliott stretched the two syllables of his name out long and slow, giggling. Lucas knew about Eliott’s bipolar disorder, knew that he shouldn’t smoke often, but it had been a very long time since either of them had gotten high, and Lucas trusted that if Eliott said it was fine, it was fine. Eliott was always so giggly when he was high, not that he wasn’t soft and smiley in general, but the effect of the weed took it to a whole new level.

Lucas hummed up at Eliott in response, a moment or so too late, as he’d been too lost in thought to make his mind or his body function at all. Eliott laughed again at his delayed response, tapping the tip of his nose. “You’re so cute,” he said.

Any other time, Lucas might have exploded right on the spot, but at that moment he was too relaxed to explode. All he could do was make a noise of contentment and whisper back, “The absolute cuuuuutessstttt.”

He was cute, there was no denying it.

Somehow the skates had gotten on his feet, though he didn’t quite remember putting them on, but Eliott held out a hand, Lucas took it, and they both immediately fell over on top of each other, earning a glare from the mother and child at the table beside them, but they were too busy laughing to care.

“Do you think we’re… too high?” Eliott whispered conspiratorially, moving lazily to unscramble their limbs.

Lucas screwed up his face as he stayed lying on the ground. “Pssh. As if.”

“Now get up, I brought you here to skate not lay on your ass,” Eliott giggled, attempting to pull Lucas up, who refused to be pulled up, leaning all his dead weight into the floor. The skates made Eliott slip again and soon they were both still lying on the floor, laughing harder than they had in a long time.

They did get up, eventually, mostly because the mom who had looked at them disdainfully had complained and one of the roller rink employees had repeated her spiel to them with a sigh that said, I am not getting paid enough for this. Maybe they’d been looking at each other and trying not to laugh the whole time, maybe Eliott’s hand had found Lucas’ as the employee gestured towards the rink and told them to enjoy their day. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Why had they never gone to the rink high before? This was a whole new experience. Lucas usually felt like he was soaring while skating, but at the moment he wasn’t even sure if his feet were on the ground.

Whoever was in charge of the playlist that day did an excellent job. It was calm, maybe too calm, but it was freeing. The music was embedded in the gusts of air that ruffled Lucas’ hair as he skated by Eliott in a blur, a form of art subtly akin to breathing.

There was a point right at the peak of a high when all the giggles subsided and all the dizziness went away where there was a certain clarity, sort of like a third eye opening, and it was like the stars aligned in the way they were always meant to align. There was a sharpness in Lucas’ vision that hadn’t been there before and there was a certain sense of rightness, like everything he had ever wanted could come true if he just pushed himself to reach for the things he wanted. What he wanted most in the world was Eliott. He already had Eliott, of course, but he wanted Eliott forever and always, in all the ways that mattered.

Something in Eliott’s eyes said that he wanted that too. Normally Lucas wouldn’t dare, so he made himself a deal. If the lights went yellow in the next ten seconds, and circled Eliott in a golden haze of light like the sun he was, Lucas would kiss him. If the lights went blue, surrounding them in an ocean of LucasandEliott and EliottandLucas, he would wait.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine—

Lucas’ heart raced, then dropped. They were blue.

Eliott still looked beautiful, even in blue, but blue was the color of Lucas’ unrequited love, of the feelings that would never be returned, of the ocean that was LucasandEliott and EliottandLucas and then just Lucas. Just because he was accustomed to being alone, didn’t mean he didn’t still yearn inside at the thought of that changing.

Lucas was so lost in thought that he didn’t anticipate Eliott’s arms weaving their way around his shoulders, tucking Lucas into his chest and staying still in the middle of the rink. Or maybe they were spinning, it was sort of hard for him to tell.

“Thank you,” Eliott said.

Lucas tipped his head back and wrapped his arms around Eliott’s middle. “What for?”

“For being you. For this.” Eliott didn’t loosen his grip at all, but he lifted his head, casting his eyes to the ceiling and beyond.

“You never have to thank me for that,” Lucas said, “You never have to thank me at all.”

“I know. That’s why I want to.” Eliott’s grin was all encompassing, so beautiful and grand that when he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to Lucas’ forehead it took a moment to register, Lucas’ brain still focused on the blinding way his soul was lit by an infinite glow.

Eliott didn’t kiss him again, and they stayed like that for so long, the two of them tangled in a hug, that Lucas began to think it might all be a dream. If so, he didn’t want to wake up anytime soon.

None of their other friends had wanted to go to the roller rink, and Lucas was secretly glad. It wasn’t that he didn’t like their other friends, but he liked Eliott best. Everyone knew it, and everyone knew Eliott liked Lucas best.

Lucas’ thirteenth birthday had passed without fanfare, so when Eliott had suggested they go to the rink to celebrate, Lucas had been overwhelmed with appreciation for his best friend. He always knew the best ways to make Lucas feel special. Lucas wondered if he’d suggested the roller rink because he knew their other friends wouldn’t want to come.

They grabbed their skates at the front desk, tying them up giddily. The little wheels on Eliott’s skates were a golden yellow, a color that suited Eliott greatly in Lucas’ opinion. He was full of so much light, it only seemed fitting he’d skate on wheels that were somewhat of an embodiment of the sun. The wheels on Lucas’ skates were blue, an ocean blue that Eliott always said matched his eyes. He didn’t know if that was true or not, but it always made Lucas feel good, like Eliott had been paying as much attention to these things as he had.

Lucas was also glad it was just the two of them, because he had to tell Eliott something he wasn’t ready to tell everyone else yet. He just had to work up the courage. The ever changing rainbow of lights seemed to mock him as they skated, telling him to just say something already. He wanted to, but every time he opened his mouth the words stayed stuck in his throat.

Eliott, I’m gay.

He imagined Eliott smiling that trademark smile of his, taking his hands and spinning him around. Saying, That’s so great Lulu! because he was the only one allowed to call him Lulu and Lucas secretly loved it when he did.

He’d run through a script in his head of any possible reactions or questions Eliott might have, though none of those scenarios had ever included a poor reaction. He knew Eliott too well, he knew that whatever he might say or do, it would be tinged with excitement and acceptance, no matter what.

If Eliott had asked him how he knew, he might have blushed and muttered something about Troye Sivan, even if Eliott probably didn’t know who that was. Not only did Troye Sivan have great advice and insight, he was also very, very attractive, a fact Lucas had realized with the feeling of a lightbulb going off in his head.

Eliott might joke about Lucas having a crush on him, to make him feel less awkward and to make it seem normal as anything else, and Lucas would laugh, saying ew, never! just to make Eliott laugh in fake offense. Because obviously, Lucas would never have a crush on Eliott. Eliott was Eliott, that was all.

Sure, Eliott was really beautiful, and sure, it annoyed Lucas when the girls Eliott went to highschool with literally fell over themselves to try to talk and flirt with him, but that was normal. Lucas just didn’t want someone to steal away his best friend, especially when none of those girls seemed right for him anyway.

Lucas wondered if in another universe Eliott was thinking of him as beautiful, and Lucas was there skating alongside him, clueless as ever.

Eliott started talking to him then, bursting his bubble of thoughts and bringing him back to the roller rink. He was talking about some new art style he was trying, where he would draw people as animals instead of humans, try to match each person to the animal he thought suited them best.

“What animal are you?” Lucas asked, and Eliott thought about it for a moment, even though Lucas knew he’d just been waiting for Lucas to ask.

“A raccoon,” he said definitively, and Lucas giggled.

“A raccoon?”

“A raccoon.”

Lucas didn’t really understand. Eliott didn’t scream raccoon to him, though admittedly he wasn’t the artist here. “Why a raccoon?”

“Because they’re awesome,” Eliott scoffed, “Plus, they wear a mask.”

Lucas cast his gaze downward. “Do you wear a mask?”

“Sometimes,” Eliott admitted, “But never with you.”

Lucas felt his heart warm and flutter in a way that was uncalled for with such a simple statement. They said things like that all the time, this wasn’t special, so why was his heart racing like it was? “What animal am I?” he asked to take his mind off it.

Eliott lifted a hand and ran it through Lucas’ unruly and somewhat spiky hair. “A hedgehog.”

“Hey!” Lucas protested, but Eliott interjected immediately.

“Don’t ‘hey!’ me, hedgehogs are amazing. Tiny, adorable, sweet to those they love but a little prickly when they feel uncomfortable.”

Lucas considered it. It was pretty spot on, if he was being honest. His heart took another leap at the thought that Eliott had taken so much time picking an animal to match who Lucas was, inside and out, and that he knew Lucas better than anyone in the entire world. Sometimes better than Lucas himself.

He had a sudden sensation in the pit of his stomach, like the drop on a rollercoaster, a feeling of falling. It hit him all at once, and it was so glaringly obvious that he ran through his earlier thoughts of denial with a shake of his head.

He was falling, most definitely, falling in love with Eliott.

Well, fuck, what was he supposed to do with that? He certainly couldn’t tell Eliott that he was gay now, not when he now knew what he felt and why he felt it. Maybe it was a harmless, crush, and it would go away, but Lucas suspected the crush stage may have started even before he knew it was a crush.

Never have a crush on Eliott his ass.

He was only thirteen. No one ended up with the person they had a crush on when they were thirteen, that kind of thing only happens in movies. All he had to do was pretend, as long as he had to, until he found someone else that made him feel like Eliott did, like a whole, undamaged human being. He could do that, it wasn’t like he’d still be pining four years later or anything.

+1.

A Troye Sivan song was playing, which brought a small smile to Lucas’ lips. After he’d chickened out in telling Eliott he was gay that one fateful day at the roller rink, he’d been determined to keep both his secrets until the day he died. But then Troye Sivan had released Blue Neighborhood. And Lucas had listened to every song more times than he could count. And he’d blurted out he was gay to Eliott out of nowhere the very next day after the album came out.

For some reason, they were back at the roller rink, and Lucas grinned with satisfaction as he finally got a pair of skates with blue wheels. Eliott’s were that beautiful golden yellow, just like when they were younger.

It had actually been quite a while since their last visit, both claiming they were too busy to make time. Lucas wasn’t sure if that was true for either of them, but it had felt like something had changed that day. They’d both blamed it on being high but Lucas knew that wasn’t the case. Maybe he’d been too forward and Eliott had gotten scared.

They stepped onto the rink like usual, Lucas’ hand in Eliott’s, steady and warm, and they let their other senses overtake them, leaving their thoughts to be lost to time and forget that anything existed outside that beautiful and unforgettable roller rink.

It was unusually crowded, which Lucas hoped meant business was back and booming again. He didn’t know what he would do if the rink closed, where he would go to feel alive. Then again, looking at Eliott, he realized he felt most alive wherever Eliott was. They could be at the bottom of the ocean, but if they were together Lucas would cherish every moment.

“Why do you always take me here?” Lucas asked, because he genuinely wanted to know. Sure, it was their place, but they could have found a new place at any time. Lucas loved the roller rink, he was just sure Eliott must be sick of it by now.

Eliott spun around, skating backwards to face Lucas while they spoke. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, we could go anywhere! I don’t want you to feel like you have to come here for me,” Lucas said, always terrible at articulating what he was feeling.

“I’d do anything for you Lulu,” Eliott said simply, “And besides, I love it here.”

Lucas smiled, and Eliott returned it, the softness emanating out of them so intimate and beautiful. “I can switch it up for the next date though, if you want,” Eliott continued, and Lucas tripped over his skates.

“Woah, you ok?” Eliott extended a hand to help him up and Lucas blinked a few times, trying to process what Eliott had said. For the next date. Maybe it was just a turn of phrase?

“The next date?” Lucas asked without meaning to, still sitting on the ground.

Eliott’s eyes went wide and they flicked away from Lucas’ face as his cheeks turned a bright red only emphasized by the neon lights overhead. “Yes?”

When Lucas didn’t say anything more, a look of comprehension dawned on Eliott’s face. “Wait a second. You know that this is a date, right?”

Lucas did not know that.

His silence must have spoken volumes, because Eliott retracted his hand, putting his face into both of his hands. “They’ve all been dates, Lucas.”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Lucas said indignantly. He wasn’t that dumb.

“I thought I made it fairly obvious! After last time, though, I thought for sure I went too far, scared you off,” Eliott lamented in a strained sort of voice.

Lucas made his way to standing finally, head a bit clearer, but still confused. “You went too far? You kissed my forehead because we were high.”

“I kissed your forehead because I wanted to kiss your lips but I was too scared to.”

“Well I hugged you because I was too scared to kiss you,” Lucas argued.

Eliott’s smile returned in the form of a small smirk. “So it’s a competition now to which one of us was more of a dumbass?”

“It’s not a competition, I didn’t even realize we’d been on multiple dates,” Lucas pointed out.

“You’re right. Why did I fall in love with such an idiot?” Eliott said with a laugh, before his face blanched.

Lucas took another moment to right his equilibrium. “Fall in love?”

Eliott could have backtracked, denied it, but instead he set his jaw and nodded. “Completely.”

“Well maybe you are the biggest dumbass then, if you didn’t realize I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen,” Lucas said softly, breathlessly.

There was barely a moment for Lucas to pause and regret his words before Eliott was right in front of him, pulling him close as possible and capturing his lips. In Lucas’ mind fireworks exploded.

Lucas kissed Eliott back the way he’d always dreamed of doing and when they parted he took in everything, from the way Eliott’s eyes crinkled at the sides, to the swollen appearance of Eliott’s lips, to the way the lights bounced off his hair and cast that same serene glow they always did. Lucas laughed to himself, pulling Eliott back into another kiss.

The lights were yellow.

#skam france #elu fic #75 dates in the skam universe #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #elu

103 notes · View notes

strohller27 · 4 years

Text

tagged by @dying-redshirt-noises )) Okay, I need a break from my thesis, anyway)

Rules: Answer 20 questions, then tag 20 bloggers you wanna know better

1. Name: George (if I hear you assholes sing George of the Jungle one more time, i s2g just kidding kinda)

2. Nickname: Zhora (Жора), Georgie, (and a long time ago:) Geo; honestly you can call me anything as long as it’s not degrading...and, well, I’m not too fond of Georgie, to be perfectly honest.

3. Zodiac sign: Libra (I don’t actually know all that rising and moon and sun stuff and at this point I’m too afraid to ask)

4. Height: 164 cm (so…like…5’4”?? I Think?? I can never remember which one means feet and which one means inches, ‘ or “ ???)

5. Languages: English, русский, a scant bit of French, and an even scanter bit of Hebrew and Hindi (like…I know less than a handful of words in both those languages)

6. Nationality: People say I talk like a Canadian so let’s go with that (you’ll forgive me for not wanting to be associated with the idiocy that’s going on in America at the moment)

7. Favourite season: Winter! In Russia!! So much snow!! and ice for hockey and ice skating!!!! I’ll eat ice cream in JANUARY idgaf!!!!!!

8. Favourite flower: hmmmm…..ландыши?? or maybe roses? I don’t know, to be perfectly honest.

9. Favourite scent: mint, chocolate, bergamot

10. Favourite colour: all kinds of green. Mostly those deep forest and emerald greens, tho.

11. Favourite animals: Lions and Penguins. (I also have a soft spot in my heart for opposums and flamingos, gee @wonderlandflamingo I wonder why that is…)

12. Favourite fictional character: I have too many to list. Let’s leave it at...Starsky and Hutch; Kirk, Spock, and McCoy; Data, Troi, and Jadzia Dax; Johnny, Roy, and Dixie; Hawkeye and Radar; Aziraphale and Crowley…and call it good for now, ok?

13. Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: all? of them?? I love my coffee, but I am also a tea junkie, and I love drinking hot chocolate on cold days.

14. Average hours of sleep: heheh let’s…not ..,, go into this right now.

15. Dog or cat: yes (I have three dogs, but that doesn’t mean I love cats any less)

16. Number of blankets you sleep with: in summer, just a sheet; in winter/fall: my fuzzy blanket and a weighted blanket.

17. Dream trip: A tour across the UK, Europe, and Russia with my best friends as we try foods from every place we go to. A food tour, if you will.

18. Blog established: the first one? in…2011? I think? or 2012. then I got kicked off of that account in like…2016, because I lost access to the email it was attached to, so I moved to my current blog then.

19. Followers: 430?? Where did you all come from?? (okay half are probably bots, but thank you from the bottom of my soul to those of you who aren’t bots for putting up with my shenanigans)

20. Random fact: I started drawing when I was 10 years old and my art was absolutely terrible back then (I even recently found some of my early drawings and cringed so hard), but I’m so glad I stuck with it.

I tag: (please disregard if you’ve already done it! I’ve been spending so much time on my thesis, I don’t know who’s done what or who’s done who or which way’s up or what. I’m honestly surprised I remember my name right now, to be honest) @wonderlandflamingo, @mathgeek101 @ncisgabe, @rising-lights, @tea-n-brains, @zashamalkin, @cakemakethme, @darknight-brightstar, @yourpainfulnightmare, @icosahedonist, @hamtea69, @releasing-my-insanity, @rintsubarashi, @zzzzbebop, @undine66770 and anyone else who wants to do it) Please don’t feel obligated to do it! This is just for fun/if you have time))

#survey game...questionnaire...thingy

5 notes · View notes

tracle0 · 5 years

Text

11/11 (make a wish)

I was tagged by @the-unwritten-writer (HI HELLO) for these cool kid questions which can I just say :D I’ve seen this one before and it looks cool so thank you for tagging me! Rules: Answer the 11 questions of the person who tagged you, make up 11 questions, then tag 11 people to answer them.

Read more under the cut because Long Post

When did you start calling yourself a writer? I think it was around 2016? I’d been writing since 2013 but always casually, always because I wanted to, it was never serious. But I wrote Sonder for the first time in 2016 so I went ‘huh well I wrote this entire novel - guess I’m a writer.

What type of music do you listen to on the daily? Would you say it reflects your writing? I’ve been listening to this playlist I made for walking a lot recently (because I’m walking a lot lol) and you’d be hard-pressed to find a song in there that I don’t associate with a story.

Do you write more in the day or the night? Which do you prefer? I think I prefer writing in the day because I don’t get hecking tired, but I write mostly during the night.

Do you prefer writing things out on paper, or typing them? Typing 100% - my handwriting SUCKS so not being able to read what I’ve written is a major issue. Although I did once write in a notebook and when it came to editing, I had a Good Time with that.

What’s something you’ve had to Google for your WIP (or anything you’ve written) that would make someone pretty suspicious out of context? Beyond the usual ‘how much blood does a person have to lose before they die’ and ‘bullet wound fatality’ - Collateral had me searching up so many illegal things. Hacking based especially.

Who was your first OC? Tell me about them! Oh no uhhhh my first first OC? That’d be like an imaginary animal or something. We could just go with... let’s just go with the first OC I can fully remember. Oh, wait it’s Andy that’s no better. Okay, he’s this punk who really isn’t in the wrong - he’s a hungry kid who wants to Not Be Hungry and is willing to do borderline anything to make sure he’s not. Most of the time he can be found snarking at people or, if it’s winter, ice skating around. Like everyone who lives in Glalis, he has white hair because Edgy Trade Is Edgy, and he wears a red hoodie 84% of the time. While I was writing Sonder, I also wore a red hoodie 84% of the time. Coincidence?

What’s the best piece of writing advice you’ve ever received? Write. Or the advice to cut down on the word ‘just’ because holy heck did I overuse that.

Who’s your favorite author? What do you admire most about them and/or their writing? I don’t have one so have a list: I admire Alice Oseman for tackling topics that are IMPORTANT but no-one talks about (RADIO SILENCE I’M LOOKING AT YOU) and for her dedication to her craft (Heartstopper, anyone?). I admire Sarah Barnard for talking about girls being friends in the same way people talk about romance (Beautiful Broken Things broke my fucking heart). I admire Michael Grant for approaching issues he’s faced himself and putting them into fiction (Messenger Of Fear primarily, I don’t think he’s been stuck in the FAYZ before). I admire Scott Westerfeld for having such a freaking diverse range of books (I’ve read most of them. I love most of them). I admire Adam Silvera for writing a book I needed desperately and also for unashamedly writing about his own issues (History Is All You Left Me is so tender man). I admire Rebecca Stead for writing for an under-represented market and making it So Damn Good (Liar and Spy is such a good book go read it). I’ll stop for now c;

How much research do you put into your writing? Are they quick Google searches, or lengthy research sessions? It depends - Sonder was mostly a ‘shit wait how does this thing work’ and a quick Google search. Collateral I am still in the process of revising for, and it’s been two years. So - depends how much experience I have in the topics I’m writing about. WIP 3 I plan to literally learn the basics of the violin which will not be a small thing, so it’s looking like a big project again

Do you have a pet? Can I see them, please!? Yes, we have a tortoise named Georgie, she’s under this question thing because the formatting is angry at me.

If you weren’t a writer, what else do you think you’d be doing? Probably trying to be an artist of some sort. Maybe an animator? Something in the media, definitely. Making stories. Reading books.

She ((screm))

Tagging: @kaatiba @timetravelingpigeon @minnowf @thatfizzyyyy @joyful-soul-collector @albatris @aroaceauthor @writing-and-nutmeg @alexis-writes-sometimes @hyba and @dove-actually to answer these questions

(but like only if you want to yo)

1) What’s the first book you remember reading? 2) What’s the first book/story you remember writing? 3) What’s a piece of media (book, series, film, whatever) that you go back to when you’re sad? 4) Can you draw parallels between your OCs and characters in published fiction? If so, list a few (or all of them I’m not your boss) 5) Think of an OC. Any OC. Now express their general mood in their story in one (1) emoji. 6) What’s a plot point that makes you cackle when you think about it because omg it’s such good writing? 7) Have you ever done an Accidental Smart in your writing? If so, what? 8) What songs do you associate with your stories? 9) Are you better at dialogue or description? 10) Have you ever gotten better at doing something because you put it in a story and had to research? If so, what? 11) Have you had a drink of water recently? Go on, drink some water. It’s good for you.

#writing #am writing #my writing #writerblr #writeblr #tagged in #questions #I ran out of questions to ask so go have some water yo #also this is queued #also also tagged people #please do tell me if you don't like tags #and also sorry if you don't like them and I tagged you #I was Reaching For People To Tag near the end #if you were in my notifications #you've probably been tagged #hope that's ok

18 notes · View notes

dreyblr · 5 years

Text

26 things I’ve done I thought I wasn’t capable of doing

Long post alert. After reading Taylor’s article, I thought about my own life and how far I’ve come. She’s the one who inspired me to write this, so, thank you for your endless talent @taylorswift. You’re a gift.

1. Being myself

It has taken me a lot of time to figure out who I am and what I love. I’ve always tried to “fit in”, imitating people to fit in a group. But copying people didn’t make me feel happy. It made me feel even more awkward. I realized I was happy when being myself: getting excited over everything and nothing, giving myself quiet times, wearing pink.... just being myself. I was afraid of being myself but I’m so happy I’ve decided to stop pretending to be someone I’m not.

2. Travelling by myself

I was 16 the first time I travelled without grown-ups, but I was with one of my best friends and we went to London. I thought I wouldn’t make it, I was so stressed, but it was amazing. A few years later, when being 19, I decided to travel to Paris for an internship of 5 weeks, all by myself. I was scared to death. But I did it.

3. Trusting myself

When traveling alone, I had to accept the fact that I had to trust myself. You can rely on yourself only. Trusting myself was a big step for me, as I’ve always lacked of self-confidence.

4. Kayaking by night

Two words that would have made me run away years ago. I don’t like the dark, especially in the nature. I’m scared to death, because I can’t see what’s happening and I’m always afraid that something’s hiding somewhere and waiting for me. I love water, but not too much. I drowned twice, and both times someone had to pulled me out of the water as I already drank water. I wouldn’t be here today without those people. So going in deep water is a big challenge for me. Now imagine going kayaking in the nature at night... I thought I wouldn’t make it. This was a bioluminescent tour, and it was so worth it. Magic happens after surpassing your fears.

5. Going abroad for a year

I’ve always been independent, but a year, 12 months, is so long! I told myself I would maybe go home in the span of a year, but I wasn’t able to. But I managed to stay abroad for a full year and I’m kinda proud of myself!

6. Making three kids love me

When it comes to me, I often think everyone secretly hates me. I can’t prevent myself from thinking that people think that I’m boring, or too quiet, or not fun. And kids are so energetic. But they also have so much love to give. And my host kids really love me, their love is so important to me.

7. Having friends

As I just said, I often think people don’t like me. I thought I wouldn’t be able to make friends here in the USA. Life proved me wrong: I’ve met incredible people, as well au pairs as swifties. Just be yourself and interesting people will come in your way.

8. Getting a masters degree

I love studying. But this level is so much work and dedication. I couldn’t see the end of it, even though it was so interesting and I was thriving. I loved it with my whole heart but I was so scared to fail and not being good enough. But I passed and I even was the second best of the promo.

9. Thinking and dreaming in English

Being fluent in English has always been a dream of mine. Of course I still make mistakes, but I’ve always wondered how it was like to instinctively think in English and not in French. I reached this level while being in the USA, and I remember waking up from an English dream with a big smile on my face. I now regularly think and dream in English.

10. Being accepted in a new family

Joining a host family and living with them for a year is scary. They are strangers, and I had to fit in the family they’ve build years ago. I thought I wouldn’t find my place, but I did, and the kids consider me as their sister. I really found a second family here in the USA.

11. Parasailing

I love adrenaline and sensational activities, but because of water, I’ve been scared of parasailing. What if the boat stops working? What it the parachute is dysfunctional? What if the rope breaks? What if I land in the water? So many what ifs. I learned that the adrenaline was way more stronger than all of those questions, and booked a reservation for parasailing. It was worth it.

12. Making my dream come true

For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed about living in the USA. I don’t know why, it’s like it has always been calling me. But the USA? That place was on the other side of the world!! This has been a dream for so long. Something that would stay a dream forever. But a girl named Taylor taught me that dreams are made to follow them. I studied the question and found an amazing way to follow my dream, all while taking care of kids. I was afraid I was not a lucky person to have my dream come true, but if you never give up, you’ll eventually realize your dream.

13. Crying in front of other people

As I’m a shy person, I don’t like to show how I feel. I am very emotional and empathic, so tears can come up easily. But I’ve always managed to hide my tears from others, because crying is so intimate in my opinion. But I’ve learned that sometimes, sharing your sorrow with someone is okay. Crying is okay. Letting go your emotions is okay.

14. Meeting online friends

I was so anxious to meet you guys!!! I was excited but I thought you wouldn’t like me haha!! I’m so happy I did it because I found awesome friends.

15. Acknowledging that I’m introverted and calm

Society makes you feel wrong when you are introverted and calm, because society thinks you’re not interesting enough and thinks you don’t like to be with people. Truth is only extroverted society thinks that way. Because extroverted people can speak up their ideas easier than introverted people. I’ve always tried to be more extroverted but it has always failed. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was introverted. But I accepted it, and I’ve never felt better. This is who I am, and if people I meet can’t stand it, fine, they can’t be my friends. I want friends that know who I am, not friends that think they know who I am.

16. Singing with other people

A huge challenge for introverted people like me!! The fact is I LOVE singing my heart out, even if I sing wrong. People who know me would be surprised if they saw the private concerts I give in my room... anyway singing is fun, so why not sharing a good moment with friends?

17. Not caring about my appearance

There was a time when I couldn’t go out of my house without foundation, mascara and contacts. Even on a Sunday morning to get bread at the bakery. Now I can spend a whole week with no make-up and glasses, and my life didn’t go worse.

18. Finding a place abroad

Finding another home was a hard thought for me. How? It’s a new culture, new places, new habits. But I found my place in DC, and this city will forever be my second home.

19. Cutting of toxic people

Accepting the fact that some of your friends are toxic is hard, but cutting of relationships is harder. I thought only other people could do it. But I decided to stop having my mental health down because of toxic people and this was one the saddest but best decisions I’ve ever made.

20. Accepting my interests

For a long time, I’ve thought that people wouldn’t like me if I told them I liked Taylor Swift’s music, if I told them I loved love stories, if I told them I loved drawing... but what’s the point of wanting friends who don’t know the real you? These are my interests. If people can’t understand it, they’re not worth my time.

21. Talking in front of a full amphi

My personality made me nervous about that. I went to a finale with my work team in grad school, and we had to defend our project in front of a packed amphi of teachers, researchers, CEOs and students. I had to talk into a mic and I had to know my topic by heart. That was such an intense time of my life and I thought I would make my team fail, we didn’t win the first place but we weren’t last either. I made it!

22. Going to NYC and Broadway all by myself

NYC is my absolute favorite city after Paris. As it’s not far from DC, I wanted to go there all by myself to take pictures and to go to Broadway to see Anastasia. I had been there twice before. I love traveling, but NYC is impressive. I kept thinking something would go wrong but everything went perfectly fine and I had the time of my life.

23. Saying no

This was one of my biggest deals. I’ve always been too nice, for fear of people not liking me. I’ve always said yes to everything, even if I couldn’t do it, I would find a way to make my yes possible. But I understood that some people were trying to take advantage of me and that I had to say no for my own sake. I do it more often now.

24. Teaching ice skating to my host kids

If you’ve ever ice-skated, you know what I’m talking about! Kids are often impatient, and when it comes to ice-skating, the first times are a real challenge. I somehow managed to teach them ice-skating and they are so proud about it (so do I!).

25. Wearing shorts without worrying about people’s look

The look people have on me has always been so important for me. I have a family condition that makes our legs not pretty, I can try all the diets I want and do as much sport as I want to, they will never look the way I want to. I decided to shake it off and wear shorts anyway, and even posting pictures of me in shorts!

26. Loving myself

This must have been the hardest one. I’ve always found things to not like about me, whether it was physically or mentally. It took me so much time to love myself, because I was scared of it. But I learned how to do so, and I’ve been thriving ever since. Loving yourself is the most beautiful gift you can ever do to yourself.

#my thoughts #long post #alert #sorry #i felt so inspired #taylurking #elle #❤️

51 notes · View notes

andrewuttaro · 5 years

Text

New Look Sabres: GM 12 - DET

One day my children will ask me what it was like to watch Jake McCabe in his prime. They’ll ask me: Daddy, how did our hero block shots so much and still have the strength to score goals and wreck fools? I’ll tell them it was the enduring power of the crossed swords crest and they’ll be Sabres fans forever. I’ll also tell them the Buffalo Sabres really turned the page from the dark days when they started responding. Responding to what, daddy? Losses, child: when they decided to start following losses, ugly losses, with shutout wins every single time, that was when they really turned the page. Speaking of the pages of history: I’ve been diving into the Buffalo Sabres 50Years Special Section of the Buffalo News for a couple weeks looking at their most historic games. I was prepared to default to that list for my reoccurring segment “Greatest Game Against” after each divisional matchup. When I put it out on twitter however I got some real beauties including a submission from @RegalMoustachio (Dan Ball) that is… for lack of better phrasing: Very 1980s. Allow me to paint you a picture: it’s December 23rd, 1987. Christmas is only a couple days away. Ted Sator is Head Coach and Phil Housley is the top defenseman (mind you Lindy Ruff is the Captain of this team) for a Sabres club mired in mediocrity for closing in on a decade. Sabre Kevin Maguire takes a run at Red Wings goalie Zach Stefan after Sabres goalie Tom Barrasso had apparently taken a fist in the shnoz earlier in the game. Here’s the link () go watch it, I can’t do it justice. For the next five minutes after the hit on Stefan it just escalates and escalates. Eventually Bob Probert fights Maguire and it got ugly. I don’t mean to glorify fighting but dear lord, watch that highlight and tell me that doesn’t color the history between these two teams. Last night’s game was Jake McCabe’s revenge game. He was taking revenge on all us nerds who said he’s not an absolute G. Sure he’s no Rasmus Dahlin, but he puts the Buff in Buffalo Sabres. And he did it in a game we really needed it. For the third time this season they responded to a loss with a win. For the second time this season they responded to a loss with a shutout win. For the first time this season my man Linus Ullmark has a shutout!

I was at Frightworld in Tonawanda for the entirety of this game, but the early returns clearly tended toward a snooze-fest. It appeared the Red Wings were dominating that telling statistical categories like 5 on 5 scoring chances and expected goals. They dominated the most basic statistic that is shots for the first period as they got doubled up 12-6. Luckily there were no goals against. You see a period like that and you kinda expect the worst. I went on record before this game and said if they don’t demolish the Red Wings then the first rant of the season from yours truly was coming. That rant was being prepared as I walked through the Storm Area 51 house fearing the Sabres would lose to two bad teams two nights in a row more than the face-panted acting students jumping out at me. Unfortunately we got another Rasmus Dahlin stinker this first period. I feel like I said everything I needed to say about Dahlin’s sketchy play lately after the Rangers game, but I didn’t say what I wanted to change other than don’t give over turnovers, bud. What I probably would’ve asked for occurred: Henri Jokiharju was moved up to Dahlin’s pairing and they had quite a bit more chemistry than Dahlin and Colin Miller had. In spite of that roster move, Dahlin was trying to move the puck out of the defensive zone and somehow yielded it right to Andreas Athanasiou. Athanasiou took a shot, got in back and passed it to another guy who almost out maneuvered a stick-less Ullmark. Luckily that was the worst it got in the first… well other than that Valtteri Filppula breakaway in the first five minutes… ugh, we were really lucky to survive that period scoreless weren’t we? Yikes.

The Red Wings are a team you’re not allowed to lose to. They’re like the Ottawa Senators, they’re biggest goal right now is to get a high-first round draft pick. They have real NHLers in the minors. Detroit has a team caught between then and now. You got the ghost of Niklas Kronwall on one line and USA Hockey Magazine poster boy Dylan Larkin on another. Evidently they’re taking one more dip in the tank in this year’s spicy good draft and so you have to beat them because frankly they want you to! Both the lines of REO Speedwagon and the Roaring Twenties had their chances through the first half of this game but how are you being out-chanced by the Red Wings! How? I very well could go on a rant but kinda like the night before I just have too many early good feels about this team right now to rant at em after a win. To their credit they actually got more shots and high-danger chances in the second period. All the while Jake McCabe is blocking shots like and absolute hero. And so it was his time to be the star before any of the big names that have found their way onto this club: Eichel gets knocked to the ice after laying a hit on Tyler Bertuzzi and Jake McCabe gets the puck near the Wings blueline and thinks for a moment. He decides to take the shot and it zings right past Jimmy Howard into the net for the first goal of the game. 1-0 Sabres with 8:20 left in the second. Buffalo finally had some good play for the remainder of the period including almost another goal from McCabe. Almost. Either way Jake McCabe became my Hard-Working again this game. He’s one of those phenomenons in cities like Buffalo where the populace just canonizes players they deem tough and diligent. I understand he’s not actually that good as anything more than a role player. That’s fine. Let’s celebrate the role players too because we’re winning games we don’t look so hot in because of them right now.

The third period was rowdy. So we’ve established Dylan Larkin is hot stuff. Evidently on a tanking team he takes on the role of penalty drawer. He gets Kyle Okposo for interference; he gets Colin Miller for tripping; watch the replays that data wasn’t all that convincing to me. No amount of powerplay time could save his team now though. The Sabres got a powerplay after Trevor Daley high-sticked Kyle Okposo and the mercenary unit that is this team’s powerplay that we fell in love with in the first six games came back with a vengeance. With all the video replay powers of modern technology I still don’t think I have enough angles on the absolute gem of a goal Sam Reinhart tapped in. It went from Jeff Skinner to Jack Eichel to Victor Olofsson to Sam Reinhart parked in front of the net and in. It was a thing of splendor and maybe one of those goals we look back on months from now. I mean… Jimmy Howard definitely botched that one hard but nonetheless the 2-0 goal here for the Sabres was just beyond magnificent. Unfortunately that goal deserved better than this game. For the remaining 18+ minutes Larkin went on drawing penalties, getting shots and Detroit never looked out of it. You look at 2-0 box score and think that may have not required a herculean effort from a goalie, this one did. Linus got his pad or a stick or a blocker on so many shots this game. He earned his first shutout of the season blocking 41 shots! That’s only 6 shy of the shots blocked Hutton got in his shutout Tuesday that earned him an NHL star of the week honor. I love Ullmark but he shouldn’t have had to do that much work against Detroit. This is a game the Sabres should have dominated a bit more than they did. They could not manage the clean zone exits and entries they did in the very early going of this season and had Detroit not skated around wasting minutes on end on offense then this game could’ve turned out differently. Nonetheless this one ended 2-0 Sabres and our squad improved to 9-2-1 leaving only one game left in October against a very hot Coyotes squad. Isn’t it nice to think at the absolute worst they’ll end this month 9-3-1? Crazy times we live in, eh?

A couple notes before we turn wholeheartedly into Buffalo Bills mode tomorrow: Sabres Stats tweeted in his 164 games as Sabres coach Phil Housley got them 5 shutouts while in 12 games as Head Coach Ralph Krueger has already gotten them 3. That’s a stat that one might call almost worthless, the Robin Lehner years were fraught but there is a grain of something telling in there. I also share the sentiment of many Sabres fans that a Skinner-Eichel reunion feels necessary at this point. “Skinhel” as I’ll call that combo because I’m feeling spooky, is something that can be unleashed like the blue shell powerup in Mario Cart. You use it when you really need to save your ass. We’re not to that point yet but I too feel that temptation. Before we warp this up your reply guy tweet of the game goes to none other than NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman who when asked about the efficacy of the current playoff format responded: “We think the format works well… unless you’re a Leafs fan.” BURN! That burn was so hot it just ensured it’s going to be a mild winter in southern Ontario! I can say for myself that such a comment is immediately my favorite Gary Bettman quote of all-time. There’s no beating that. Like, share and comment this blog as you go about your Saturday fun. I have nothing to say about the Coyotes Monday night other than maybe don’t let em get every shot they want like Detroit did last night. They will probably make you pay more often than not. Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. What are you looking to about the trip to Sweden for the Global Series? I am so not used to my sports teams getting fun opportunities like that. I don’t know how to get pumped for it.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #blog #NHL #detroit red wings

1 note · View note

savvylark · 5 years

Text

Tag Game

Thank you so much for the tag @geekymoviemom 💜

Here you go:

1. Am I named after someone?

Nope. Well a city I guess, so yes.

2. The last time I cried?

I don't like crying. As an adult I've learned that it isn't weak to cry and it's a good stress reliever, but I still fight it, irrationally. I read tragic things , happy sappy things or realistic angst to just get out a good cry, so it might have been while reading the epilogue of "Sins of our Fathers" by @geekymoviemom or "Upside Down Flowers" by @awkwardeverlark or Ch 16 of Outside Expectations by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

3. Do I have/want kids?

I have them, yes. 😄

4. Do I use sarcasm often?

Never. 😉

5. The first thing I notice about someone?

Usually their expression, then their mannerisms, body language. Do they have hard lines on their face, prominent smile lines, too much make up? Hands tell you a lot about someone's life as well. I like to read people and I've worked a lot of customer/public facing roles. Fascinating.

6. Eye colour?

Olive green. Pale. "Puke green with blue and gold sprinkled in." Is my son's description. 😆

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

Scary, suspense, and gore is fine if I know what I'm in for and there's an investigative element, solving a mystery. I’m not a horror fan though, I need more plot. This sounds weird but I need a more hopeful ending now that I'm a mom. People change.

8. Special talents?

I have a musical family, sang my first solo at 6yrs old and had professional vocal training from 8th-11th grade. I know enough to know I'm not an amazing singer, that I'm happy singing on occasion and don't want to be front and center. I have a passion for drawing and painting, and art, separate from my parent's talents. 😉 I received state recognition in high school for my artwork, was accepted to study at Art Institute my junior year of college and... I small talk and working with people on a professional level. (Leaves out All the fundamental flaws I have. 😏)

9. Where I was born?

United States

10. Hobbies?

Drawing, writing, reading, home-improvement projects, outdoor activities, and getting involved in my children's interests.

11. Pets?

My kids have 2 cats, Oliver and Kit.

12. Sports I play/have played?

Soccer in college, co-ed club soccer in my early 20's, skiing, ice skating and street hockey on occasion.

13. How tall am I?

157 cm

14. Favourite subject in school?

Art. and psychology.

15. Dream job?

Good question. Undecided. I'm happy and I like that life changes and I have the flexibility to change my mind. I'm at a point in my life where I want to see my husband achieve his dreams and help him get there.

Thanks again @geekymoviemom 💜. You're a great friend. This was fun!

I tag: @katnissdoesnotfollowback , @awkwardeverlark , @notanislander , @ra3lynn3, @javistg

No pressure, guys! ♥️

#about me #savvylark #ask tag

9 notes · View notes

thebarsondaily · 5 years

Text

Rediscovering Christmas

for @r-o-s-e-h-i-p-s

Title: Rediscovering Christmas Author: theofoof Rating: T Summary: Sequel to ‘The Rediscovered Country’. How do Rafael, Olivia and Noah celebrate their first Christmas as a family? A/N: I don’t think you need to read ‘The Rediscovered Country’ to enjoy this but I’d love it if you did.

Chapter 1: Thursday (12 days to Christmas…)

When Rafael Barba was growing up, his grandmother used to take him to the ice-skating rink in Bryant Park every Christmas. They’d bundle up and get the subway to Times Square, before making the short walk to the park, enjoying the sights and sounds of the season along the way. Once a young Rafael had exhausted himself skating, they would get hot chocolate and cookies from one of the two vendors who were set up next to the rink, to replenish his energy.

Over the years, the number of vendors had increased, and it was now a full-blown Christmas market, with over a hundred stalls selling one-of-a-kind gifts and crafts. The selection of food and drink wasn’t bad either. From German sausages and gingerbread to sugared almonds and spiced wine, it was a wonderland of festive treats. The sounds, smells and sheer volume of people could be overwhelming though, with families, work groups, tourists and couples getting into the Christmas spirit.

The Bryant Park Christmas market had been a tradition he’d shared with his abuelita from almost as soon as he could walk until a few years before her death when she’d declared she just couldn’t cope with the walking or the crowds anymore. He hadn’t been since then; it was hard to get into the Christmas spirit when you were alone. But he wasn’t alone anymore. Now he had a family. And he planned on sharing the magic of the Christmas market with his girlfriend and her – no, their – son.

It had been a hard year with lots of trials, but luckily, they’d come out the other side stronger, closer than before. After being tried for mercifully ending the life of terminally ill baby, Drew Householder, Rafael had resigned from the DA’s office and left New York to hide out in Miami and put his life back together. He’d almost lost Olivia in the process – not wanting to bring her down with him – but, thankfully, she’d fought for him; for them. They’d moved forward with their relationship, despite the physical distance between them, until he’d finally returned to the city for Noah’s birthday back in July.

He’d moved in with them immediately, much to the delight of Noah – who had been calling Rafael ‘Dad’ since visiting him on the boat over Father’s Day – but it had soon become clear that the two-bedroom apartment wasn’t going to be a feasible, long-term option for them. So, they’d bought a three-bedroom brownstone, with a small yard, just to the north of Manhattan. Luckily, the previous owners were moving into an empty house, so the buying process had been quick, and they’d been able to get moved in and settled before Christmas, although Thanksgiving had come and gone in a blur of bubble wrap and packing boxes, with a late dinner at Lucia’s. The stress was worth it though, to be able to spend their first Christmas together as a family in their new home.

Rafael climbed the stairs to their bedroom and knocked lightly on the door to the en-suite.

“You’ve not fallen asleep in there have you?” he asked through the door.

There was a light chuckle from the other side. “Not quite, no.”

He opened the door a crack and peered around. She was reclined in the bath, body buried beneath a blanket of bubbles, only her head visible. “Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all, but you’re not getting in here. I’ve worked too many hours this week to even think about sharing.”

It was his turn to laugh as he pushed the door open fully. “Not even when I’m bearing gifts?”

She opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to look at him. He was leaning nonchalantly against the door frame, dressed in jeans and an open-necked black shirt, holding a glass of scotch for him and a glass of Cabernet for her.

She lifted an arm out of the bubbles. “Are my chances of getting that wine dependent on my answer?”

“I’m not that cruel.” He pushed off the door frame and stepped fully into the bathroom. As he approached the bath and handed her the glass of wine, he noticed – now she was free of make-up – just how much of a toll the last week had taken on her and began to reconsider their plans for the next evening.

Christmas was always a busy time for SVU. The number of parties and the amount of alcohol consumed made December in Manhattan a hotbed of sexual assault. And this year was no exception. She’d worked almost sixty hours this week and that, combined with parenting a boisterous six-year-old who was becoming increasingly excited about Christmas, meant she was almost dead on her feet.

“Look, if you want to give tomorrow night a miss, I don’t mind.” It was a little white lie, he’d been looking forward to taking Liv and Noah to the Christmas Markets and sharing with them some of the joy he’d shared with his Abuelita. However, he cared about Olivia’s wellbeing more.

“I’ll be okay,” she replied, taking a sip of her wine. “I know how important it is to you.”

Rafael perched on the edge of the bath, near Olivia’s head. His hand went to her hair, his fingers carding through her chestnut locks.

“I know,” he told her, his voice low, “but you’ve had a tough week and I care more about you than some Christmas tradition. We’ve got our whole lives to make Christmas memories together.” His fingers brushed the skin at the base of her neck and she let out a small, groan of approval, closing her eyes to continue enjoying his ministrations. “Or,” he continued, “I could take Noah and you could have a quiet night to yourself.”

“As tempting as that is… no. This is our first Christmas together, I want to go with you and Noah.”

“Okay,” Rafael agreed, returning his hand to her head and dragging his nails gently across her scalp. He recognised that tone. She was determined in her plan and nothing would be able to dissuade her. Which, if he was honest, warmed his heart. He’d just have to do his best to make the evening as fun, easy and stress-free as possible for her.

Chapter 2: Friday (11 days to Christmas…)

As Rafael walked through the Christmas Market, hand in hand with Olivia and Noah, he sent up a silent prayer of thanksgiving, grateful to God or fate or whatever higher power had brought them together again after he’d almost ruined everything. They’d explored around half the stalls already, making a few purchases. As they rounded the corner, Noah, who was holding tightly to both adults’ hands to ensure he didn’t get lost in the crowd, gasped. He pulled out of Rafael’s grip and pointed at the large carousel that stood at near the exit.

“Can we ride the carousel?” he asked when he had the full attention of both his parents.

“Providing the line isn’t too long,” Olivia said. “It’s been a long week.” She glanced up at Barba, smiling. “Right, Dad?” Even six months later, she couldn’t help but smile when she referred to Rafael as Noah’s father.

“Right,” he agreed. “Come on then, mijo, let’s go scope out the length of the line.” He tugged lightly on the boy’s hand and he followed obediently, his hand slipping out of his mother’s grip.

Olivia caught them up quickly and, trusting Rafael to keep a tight hold on their son, fell into step next to him, hooking her arm through his. She curled her body in closer to his as they walked, drawing on his warmth to fend off the frosty chill in the air.

They ambled through the crowds, stopping to look at several stalls, Olivia pointing out things that she thought Amanda or Lucia would like. They bought Noah a light up windmill from a street vendor to help pass the time before they arrived at the carousel, and the boy waved it excitedly as they made their way through the market. As they progressed along the row of wooden huts, the music that had been drifting through the crowds began to increase in volume. Rafael wrinkled his nose.

“Well, that’s an obnoxious noise,” he commented, leaning in so he was close enough to be heard over the music.

Olivia nodded in agreement. “I wouldn’t mind if they were at least playing Christmas songs.”

“You mean you’ve not had enough of ‘Fairy-tale of New York’?”

She rolled her eyes in response. Carisi loved Christmas and had been playing that blasted song at least twice a day since the beginning of November. As far as her detective was concerned, once Hallowe’en was over, it was time for Christmas.

“It was Christmas Eve, babe,” Rafael crooned in her ear.

“Don’t. Please don’t,” she begged. “If I never hear that song again it will be too soon.”

Rafael merely smirked and shrugged innocently. He reached over and tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear, noticing for the first time that her ears looked quite red.

“You need a hat.”

Olivia looked at him, brow furrowed. “I have tons of hats.”

“Yet here you are, out in the cold, without one. Your ears are cold,” Rafael explained. “They’ve gone all red.”

Her hands instinctively touched her ears and, not for the first time, she cursed herself for leaving her hat at the precinct in her rush to meet Rafael and Noah. “They are a little numb.”

“Right then, that settles it.” He grabbed hers and Noah’s hands and tugged gently, leading them back in the direction they’d just come.

“But Daaaaaaad!” whined Noah. “The carousel’s that way.” He pointed towards the colourful, spinning ride.

“I know, mijo, but your mom needs a hat before her ears fall off.”

Noah giggled and went willingly with his parents. They stopped at a stall selling all sorts of woollen accessories; hats, scarves, gloves, snoods. Rafael pointed at a selection of hats. “What about those?”

Olivia followed his gaze and turned back to him, eyebrow raised as she realised what he was suggesting. “Antlers? Really?”

“Well something festive, at least.” Rafael picked it up and handed it to her. “You’ll make Carisi’s day if you turn up in that tomorrow.”

She shook her head. “Yes, because I live to make Carisi happy,” she drawled.

“Go on Momma. Try it on,” urged Noah.

“Yeah, go on Liv.”

Olivia shook her head at the two of them teaming up against her. They’d always done it, but the frequency had increased since Rafael had moved in with them. “Okay, okay. I’ll try it on.”

At Noah – and Rafael’s – behest, she tried on a number of different ones; the antlers, a snowman, a Christmas cake, and Mrs Claus, complete with fake plaits, before deciding enough was enough. Plucking an elf hat from the rack, she plonked it on Noah’s head.

“Oh, that is just too cute!” Olivia cooed. “We should buy that for you to wear to the Christmas party.”

“I wanna see!” Rafael lifted the boy, so he could look in the mirror. “Yes! Can we?” he asked, laughing at his reflection. “Please?” When Olivia nodded, the boy turned to Rafael. “Which one are you going to choose, Dad?”

Rafael reached out and fiddled with the long, white plaits of the Mrs Claus hat that Olivia still wore. “If you buy this for the party, it’ll make my decision easier.”

“Oh, how’s that?”

“Well, if Noah’s an elf and you’re Mrs Claus,” he plucked a hat from behind her and pulled it onto his own head, “then that means I must be Santa.”

Olivia’s breath hitched. Was he implying that they should get married? Yes, they were living together, and co-parenting Noah but they hadn’t talked about marriage. But now she thought about it, she realised she wouldn’t be opposed to the idea. Quite the opposite actually.

Rafael cursed inwardly for not taking the time to think about his words before speaking them. He thought about the small, black, velvet box that was hidden in the back corner of his underwear drawer and tried to think of a way to protect the surprise he had planned for Christmas day.

He leaned in so Noah wouldn’t hear. “I mean, it’s probably my turn to play the role at the party, right? Fin, Carisi, Nick – hell, even Dodds – have all done it. Probably about time for me to don the red suit, no?”

“Well, yes except that I’ve already arranged for Cragen to play Santa, as well you know.” They’d had an entire conversation about it the previous week. She narrowed her eyes at him, wondering if he was being entirely honest.

“Oh, yeah, that’s right,” Rafael said. “Oh well, maybe next year.” He cleared his throat. “We should pay.”

Olivia rummaged in her purse, to hide the momentary disappointment that Rafael really was only talking about playing Santa for the squad’s children. The three hats were purchased, wrapped and bagged before Rafael remembered the reason they’d come to this stall in the first place.

“You still need a hat to wear tonight. Do you see anything you like?”

“I have hats at home,” she protested. “I wore one to work today. I was just foolish not to remember to bring it with me.” But she was already reaching up to where the fluffy red one hung. She tried it on.

“Suits you,” Rafael said.

Olivia looked critically in the mirror. “It is nice and warm,” she said decisively. She reached for her purse again, but Rafael stilled her hand. She looked up to see him shaking his head.

“My treat.”

***

Noah’s gazed at the brightly lit carousel as they approached, spellbound by the intricate, colourful horses. He glanced to the entrance and then back to his parents, trying to gauge whether the line would be short enough for him to be able to ride. When he couldn’t tell from their faces, he put on his best puppy-dog expression.

“Go on then,” Olivia told him with a smile, sipping the coffee that Rafael had just bought her. “But straight home afterwards. Okay, mister?”

Noah nodded eagerly. “Okay, Momma.”

He took her hand and led her towards the line but stopped when he realised Rafael wasn’t following. Turning back, he found him stood in the middle of the path, a far-off look in his eye, as he gazed over at the families enjoying the ice rink.

“Come on, Dad!” he called.

Noah’s voice pulled Rafael from his reverie. Shaking his head lightly, he walked over to join his family.

“Memories?” Olivia asked, stroking his arm.

Even after six years, he marvelled at how well she could read him. He had been thinking about his grandmother, and the many Christmas evenings they’d spent here. “Yeah, but good ones.” He reached for her hand as they followed Noah into the line for tickets. “Now it’s time to make some more.”

Chapter 3: Saturday (10 days to Christmas…)

“No.”

“But Daaaad!”

“No,” Rafael repeated.

“Please! You did say I could pick.”

“I know. Pick another one.”

“But I want this one. It’s perfect.”

Rafael sighed. When he’d said Noah could pick out the Christmas tree – as part of the negotiation to get the boy to get ready that morning – he hadn’t foreseen it being a problem. He was quickly beginning to realise how wrong he had been. “Noah, it’s too big. We’ll never get it through the door.”

“But…”

Olivia knelt down in front of her son. “Your Dad’s right, Noah. There won’t be enough room – we’d have to chop the top off to make it fit. It wouldn’t be so perfect then, would it?”

Noah considered his mother’s words. “No,” he pouted.

“I think I saw some smaller trees over by the reindeer pen,” Olivia told him. “How about we look over that way?”

“Yeah!” Noah agreed exuberantly, his disappointment quickly forgotten at the thought of seeing the reindeer. He skipped off ahead, Olivia calling after him not to go too far.

They wandered through the rows of trees, following Noah. Olivia was surprised by the size and quality of the selection. She’d assumed, given that it was only ten days before the big day, that all the good ones would have gone. Apparently not. Every so often, a tree would catch Rafael’s eye and he would stop, strip off a glove, and run his fingers over its branches, checking its freshness. Olivia inhaled deeply, enjoying the sharpness of the cold air and the fragrance of the pine trees. She wasn’t normally a fan of winter weather, but somehow, it was different today. Refreshing.

“Thanks for helping me out back there,” he said. “I thought for a moment we were actually going to have to take that tree home.”

“I did try to warn you,” she reminded him. “What you need to remember about children is, they don’t yet realise that bigger doesn’t always mean better.”

“Is that so?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

Seeing the twinkle in his eye, Olivia realised the double meaning her words could have. She stopped walking and turned to him. “Well, of course, size is important, but it isn’t the only thing that matters,” she replied, leaning in to whisper in his ear, trailing a hand down the centre of his chest. “Knowing how to use it counts for a lot too.”

Rafael wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. “Oh?”

“Don’t worry Rafa, you’ve got nothing to worry about… in either department.”

He leaned in to kiss her when Noah’s voice echoed up the path. “Momma! Dad! I’ve found it!”

The couple sprang apart to see him running back towards them, beckoning them to him. “I’ve found the tree!”

They quickly caught him up, and he led them to the second tree he’d chosen. Olivia had to admit it was a beautiful tree. Pulling off her glove, she reached out to touch the needles and was surprised by the softness of them.

Olivia had always had a fake tree, ever since she’d had her first one aged twelve. Her mother had never really bothered with Christmas but when the elderly couple next door had been upgrading their old, plastic three-foot tree, they had offered it to Olivia. She kept it in her room and, although it was sparsely decorated at first, it brought a little bit of joy at a time of the year when her mother sought more solace than usual in the bottom of a bottle.

Never having experienced the magic of a real tree, she’d never understood the appeal, preferring to avoid the mess of pine needles she assumed would end up on her living room floor. But when they’d moved, Rafael had declared they wouldn’t need her fake tree anymore. It was real ones all the way from now on.

“Good choice, mijo,” Rafael told him, after finishing his inspection of the tree. “What do you think, Liv?”

Olivia nodded. “I think that’s the one”

***

Back at home, Olivia plunged her arms between the fragrant boughs, holding the tree steady while Rafael secured it into the stand. They had spent the latter part of the morning feeding the reindeer, taking Noah to visit Santa and shopping for new lights and decorations. Standing in the store, they’d had a rather animated debated the merits of coloured tree lights versus white ones.

That battle had been won by Olivia, claiming the coloured ones were more exciting for Noah. Rafael had conceded with a small nod and dropped a couple of boxes into the cart. They let Noah choose a new ornament for the tree; an ice-skating reindeer, before grabbing lunch and heading home.

“Is it straight?” Rafael called from where he was sprawled on the floor, the upper half of his body buried beneath the tree.

“Yeah,” Noah called, his Christmas word search discarded, as he watched his parents with interest.

Rafael began to tighten the stand around the trunk and, once the tree was secure, Olivia gingerly lowered herself from her stool to the floor. She stepped back to eye the tree critically.

“Yup, you’re good to go,” she told Rafael, so he could tighten the holding screws fully.

He emerged from under the tree and appraised it himself. Nodding, he turned to find Noah edging towards the boxes of decorations stacked in the corner. He couldn’t resist teasing him. “Right, that was hard work. Time for a coffee break.”

“Nooooo!” came Noah’s frustrated cry.

“What?” Rafael asked innocently, trying his best not to laugh. At Noah’s pout, he relented and opened the first box allowing him to dive in.

***

An hour later, the three of them were covered in tinsel and glitter. The tree was nearly finished; Rafael had strung the lights and Olivia and Noah had followed with the tinsel and beads before they all contributed to placing the other decorations. There were baubles, bells, ornaments that had been collected over the years, as well as some home-made creations from Noah.

Now the only things left to add to the tree were Noah’s newly purchased reindeer and the star that would sit atop it. Olivia retrieved Noah’s reindeer, and, after a few moments of consideration, he hung it carefully on the tree about half way up. With that done, they stood back and admired their work.

“It’s perfect,” Olivia whispered.

Rafael slipped his arm around her and nodded his approval. “Just needs the star on it now.” He turned to Noah. “You ready, mijo?”

Noah nodded emphatically and reached for the star that was lay on the coffee table.

“Okay,” said Rafael, kneeling down. “Climb up on my shoulders.” Noah climbed on, slipping a leg either side of his father’s neck. “Right, prepare for take-off. We’re going up, up, up in the sky.” Noah clung on, squealing in delight as Rafael stood, raising him into the air.

“You have to put it right at the top,” Olivia reminded him. “Can you reach?”

“Yes.” Noah carefully placed the star on the top bough; Olivia and Rafael watching on, caught up in the excitement of a child’s simple pleasure.

***

Late that evening, with Noah tucked up in bed, Olivia and Rafael were relaxing on the couch, drinks in hand. The room was lit only by the twinkling Christmas tree that stood in the corner. A bit of quiet time was just what was needed after such a hectic day. Rafael’s arm was stretched along the back of the couch, his fingers playing gently with the ends of her hair. He moved his hands to her neck, kneading the tight muscles there. Olivia gave a small sound of appreciation at his actions.

“That good?”

“Mmm.”

He shifted their positions slightly, so he could reach both her shoulders but suddenly the room was plunged into darkness, the lights on the tree going out with a slight fizz and bang.

Rafael cursed under his breath and fumbled to switch on the nearest lamp. Once light had been restored to the living room, he stood to inspect the tree. He located the fuse bulbs in each set of lights, pulled them out and examined them closely. “Hmm, they’re all fine,” he remarked as he reinserted them and continued to search for the problem.

He crawled under the tree and unplugged each plug from the three-outlet extension cord, testing them by plugging them into the wall socket, one by one. Each set worked, meaning the problem was in the plug of the extension cord. Leaving Olivia on the sofa with her wine, he popped to their utility room returning a few moments later with a screwdriver and new fuse and, a couple of minutes later, the lights were back in full working order.

Rafael emerged, his hair ruffled and his face a little sweaty from the exertion of fixing the lights.

Olivia placed her wine on the table, and rose slowly from the sofa, eyeing Rafael’s dishevelled form with a hungry look.

“Looks like Santa came early this year. And he left exactly what I wanted under the tree.”

Rafael recognised her tone, and a satisfied smirk spread across his face. “I’ve never been someone’s Christmas wish before,” he whispered, standing and approaching her.

“That’s not quite true. You were mine last year, you just didn’t know it,” she replied with a blush. She lifted her hand to brush some errant pine needles from his hair, and he leaned in, his lips moving gently over hers.

The kiss deepened quickly. Hunger traced the movements of their mouths as they opened onto one another, tongues dancing and exploring.

Rafael’s mouth eagerly explored Olivia; her lips, cheeks, jawline and, with a gentle nibble of her earlobe, he felt her shudder. He trailed kisses down her neck, murmuring her name over and over and when he reached the collar of her jumper, he pulls it aside trying to reach even more of her skin.

His hands grazed over the soft cashmere, travelling lower until he reached the hem at the bottom. He edged a hand underneath, higher and higher until he captured a breast through her lace bra, gently kneading her soft flesh.

Olivia’s hands weren’t idle either. One of her hands pushed up the back of his T-shirt and she felt the scrape of his skin underneath her nails as she stroked them up and down his spine. As she raked them over his denim-clad buttocks, he grabbed her hip and pulled her to him. They were now touching from chest to thighs and Olivia could feel the effect that she was having on Rafael. Stepping back, she allowed herself a moment to catch her breath before taking his hand and whispering in a sultry voice,

“Maybe we should take this upstairs and you can unwrap one of your presents early.”

Chapter 4: Sunday (9 days to go…)

“This Christmas is turning out to be the happiest I’ve had in years,” Lucia remarked to Olivia as they stood in the elder woman’s kitchen, washing their brunch dishes. Since their reconciliation, Rafael and his mother met for brunch every Sunday, Olivia and Noah joining them whenever possible. Most weeks, they went to their favourite diner, but occasionally, Lucia would offer to host.

As they continued their chores, Lucia’s gaze was drawn to her son and grandson, who were engaged in some pitching practice in her back garden.

“When Rafael left back in February… after the way I treated him… I thought…” Lucia trailed off, stilling her scrubbing as emotion threatening to overwhelm her.

Olivia reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You know he’s forgiven you.” It had been a hard road, but the two of them had made good progress in the months since Rafael’s return.

Lucia nodded, drying her hands on a towel. “Because of you. I don’t know if he’d ever have come home if it wasn’t for you.” She managed a watery smile. “You’ve given him a family, Olivia. You’ve given me a family. Thank you.”

Olivia shook her head. “No need to thank me.”

“There’s every need,” Lucia insisted, grasping Olivia’s upper arms gently. “His eyes light up with a happiness I haven’t seen in a long time. You saved him.”

She smiled softly. “He saved me too. He gave my son a father and…” She paused, biting her lips. “I never thought I’d find someone to spend my life with,” she admitted. “Before Rafa, I didn’t have the best track record with relationships. And then, after Noah came into my life…” She shrugged. “Well, who wants to date a single mom pushing fifty?”

“One as beautiful as you, mija? I’m surprised men weren’t breaking the door down.”

Olivia scoffed. “I can always rely on you to boost my self-esteem.”

Lucia waved her hand dismissively. “Nonsense! But I guess it’s good for Rafi that all the other men in New York are blind and stupid. For you too. I can see the joy on your face, too. You and Rafi share a love that’s everlasting.” She paused. “You complete each other.”

“We do,” nodded Olivia, her eyes becoming misty with unshed tears.

“Abuelita? Are the cookies ready to ice yet?!” Noah’s voice announced his arrival before he burst through the door of the kitchen, followed by Rafael. Once she’d found out Noah had claimed Rafael as his father, she’d insisted he call her ‘Abuelita.’

Lucia tentatively touched the Christmas-shaped cookies that were cooling on the counter with the back of her hand. “Almost, nieto. Almost.” She looked him up and down, smiling to himself at his muddy shoes and grass-stained clothes. “Why don’t you go and wash up. I’m sure that, by the time you’re clean they’ll be cool enough.”

Noah moved to exit the kitchen, but Olivia stepped forward to block his path. “Not so fast, mister.” She looked pointedly at his mud-soaked sneakers, thankful they’d brought a change of clothes for him.

Noah toed off the offending footwear by the back door, Rafael following suit.

“Go on up, mijo,” he told him. “Your bag is in your room.”

Technically it was Lucia’s spare room, but Noah had claimed it and Rafael swore he saw his mother furtively hiding away colour charts and paint swatches – he had a feeling she was planning on redecorating for the boy.

As Noah scampered off, his stocking feet sliding comically on the wooden floor of the kitchen, and Rafael padded over to the sink and washed his hands, Lucia began to gather the supplies for icing the cookies. She’d bought small tubes of icing to help Noah with the finer decoration, but she still believed in making the bulk of the icing herself.

By the time the boy returned, Lucia had set up an icing station at the kitchen table. Five large bowls of differently coloured icing – a rainbow array of melt-in-the-mouth deliciousness that called to the six-year-old, perhaps even more than the cookies themselves – as well as sprinkles and sweets.

Noah joined his parents and Lucia at the table and they began to frost the cookies. Rafael pulled up his Christmas playlist on his phone and soon the four of them were humming or singing along. Rafael refused to skip Fairytale of New York, but Lucia overruled him – reminding him of the bad language and little ears that were present. They’d iced almost half of the treats when Lucia’s phone rang. Rafael watched through narrow eyes his mother as she excused herself to take the call. Was she blushing? He turned to Olivia, eyebrow raised in question, but she just shrugged. Whatever was or wasn’t going on in Lucia’s life was none of their business.

Rafael shook his head at her apparent obliviousness and his eyes landed on Olivia’s partially decorated cookie.

“What exactly is that supposed to be?” he asked with a smirk.

She flashed him an indignant look. “A Christmas tree,” she responded, matter-of-fact.

Rafael rolled his eyes playfully. “I know that, but what’s that all over it?” he teased.

She pursed her lips in amusement. “Decorations,” she replied.

His eyebrows raised in surprise. “I don’t know who taught you to decorate a tree, but those are not like any decorations I’ve seen,” he said around a smile that crinkled his eyes and sent a spark through Olivia. “Here, I’ll show you how to trim a tree,” he began, but suddenly the icing tube squirted too much icing with the resulting red blob marring Olivia’s creation. Rafael leaned back over to his own seat in an attempt to hide his amusement.

Noah eyed his mom, waiting to see her reaction with bated breath. Was she going to shout at his dad for ruining her cookie?

“I can’t believe you just did that!” Olivia feigned outrage before picking up the green icing tube and squirted her own blob onto the star Rafael had been fastidiously decorating. Noah joined the two as they erupted into laughter that only quietened when Lucia returned to the kitchen.

“What is going on in here?” she asked before glancing at their over-iced cookies. “And what happened to those cookies?”

“Tube malfunctions. Don’t worry, we’ll fix them,” Rafael replied, holding back his laughter. “And if not, well, they’ll taste just as good.”

The two of them managed to behave themselves for the rest of the cookie decorating session and did succeed in making the two ruined cookies look presentable again. Lucia packed up several batches of cookies – one for home, one for Noah to take to school for his teachers, and two others for Olivia and Rafael to take to their respective workplaces – and the three of them made their way home.

As the car pulled away from the sidewalk, Rafael glanced at Olivia. “Mami was very furtive about that phone call, no?”

Olivia shrugged. “She’s a grown woman, Rafa. She’s allowed a private life. I hardly think she’s running a drug cartel.”

“Hmm.” Rafael narrowed his eyes as he merged into the traffic. Olivia’s words did little to reassure him. Something was going on with Lucia Barba and he wouldn’t rest until he knew what it was.

Chapter 5: Monday (8 days to go…)

“What are you doing?”

The lights were off, but the glow from the Christmas tree illuminated the living room and kitchen. The lights sparkled happily and chased away the shadows of the room. Olivia had been on her way to the kitchen for a drink when she spied his legs sticking out from beneath the tree. Her brows drew together, confused and a little mystified. Why was he laying on the floor at almost ten o’clock at night?

Rafael rolled his head to one side. He gazed out from beneath the edge of the tree’s bottom branches, a smile slowly curving his face.

“Lights,” he shrugged, as though the answer was obvious, before turning his gaze back to the sparkling glow overhead. His feet stretched, and he crossed his legs at the ankles, resting his hands atop his stomach. The floor was smooth, hard and cool beneath him. Above, the shifting twinkle of the lights was reflected in the ornaments that decorated the tree.

“Why?” Olivia walked over, stopping nearby and gazing down. “You’re lying on the floor. You know that, right?”

“Didn’t you ever do this?” He looked out at Olivia again. “When you were a kid? Didn’t you ever lay under the tree and watch the lights, dream of Christmas morning, and imagine the lights were stars that you could wish on?”

“Not really,” she shrugged. “We never really had a tree when I was a kid. I think I was twelve when I inherited our neighbours old one and that was only three-foot tall.” She looked at the tree for a moment before looking down at Rafael again. “You do this a lot?”

“Often.” Rafael patted the floor beside him. “Come on. Try it. It’s kind of fun.”

Olivia’s gaze swept over the length of the tree again. After another moment, she walked over and took a seat on the floor nearby. Slowly she lay down and then slid beneath the tree so that her head and shoulders were laying beneath the curtain of the green, decorated limbs. The sparkle of the tree lights enhanced the light, warm flush of her cheeks. “Okay,” she said slowly. From this angle, the lights did look a little different, but she didn’t really see what all the fuss was about.

“Just wait,” he lifted his gaze to the dancing Christmas lights again. “I used to do this when I was little.” His lips curled with the memory. “My abuelita taught me.”

Shifting on the floor to find a more comfortable position, Olivia chanced a look at him from the corner of her eye.

“When I was really little, we’d lie under the tree. We’d wish on the lights. Just the two of us.” Even when his mother and father were around, it was something he did only with his grandmother. There were other traditions he’d learnt from his parents. And other memories he held. Both good and bad. He felt a chill go through him as he recalled the worst parts of his Christmases past. But the warmth of the tree settled him. It was an abstract feeling, one created by the glow the tree was giving off, but he felt at home with it. “Abuelita would tell me stories about when she was little; celebrating Christmas in Cuba.”

Olivia reached for his hand and gave it a slight squeeze. She tried to imagine a young Rafael, excited for Christmas, lying next to his grandmother, listening intently to the stories she was telling. The image brought a smile to her face.

“It sounds lovely.” She stretched her legs out and let her ankles cross. “And it is kind of pretty from this angle.”

“Well, it works better with white lights,” he teased, referencing their debate at the store the previous week. “Easier to imagine they’re stars.”

Ignoring him, Olivia asked, “So what am I supposed to wish for?”

Rafael’s lips pursed for a moment. “Anything you want. It’s about hopes and dreams. When you watch the lights, you’re supposed to think about what makes you happy. Then you wish for that.” He slanted a look at her. “I should warn you though. The Christmas of my freshman year in college – after my roommate dropped out - I wished for a new roommate who was kind and considerate. I got Rita. The lights don’t always listen,” he smirked.

Olivia snorted, and Rafael found himself laughing with her. They were still giggling when the soft padding of feet on the carpet drew both their attention.

“What are you doing?” Noah’s words echoed those of his mother’s minutes earlier as he crawled under the tree, wriggling between them with Eddie under one arm.

“Wishing on lights,” Rafael explained. “What are you doing out of bed?”

He shrugged. “I woke up. I heard you laughing.” He looked up at the lights. “Can I make a wish?” he asked quietly.

“Of course, mijo.”

“Can it be the same thing I asked Santa for?”

Rafael and Olivia shared a look. “I don’t see why not,” she told him.

“Never hurts to make ‘extra’ sure,” Rafael agreed. They’d seen his list, and he hadn’t asked for anything too extravagant, so was likely to be a very happy boy come Christmas morning.

Noah squeezed his eyes tight shut and made his wish. “Done,” he announced a few seconds later.

“Yeah, what did you wish for?”

Noah’s eyes widened. “I can’t tell you that, Momma!”

Rafael agreed, a similarly askance look on his face. “Surely, you know if you tell your wish it won’t come true, Liv?”

Olivia shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

“You’re silly Momma!” Noah declared.

The three of them lay there, quietly watching the lights until a soft snore broke through the silence. Olivia and Rafael glanced down to find Noah dozing lightly, his head resting on Rafael’s arm. Olivia reached across and gently moved an errant curl from the boy’s forehead, meeting Rafael’s eye as she did.

“So, this whole light gazing thing?” she asked. “Do you do this every year?”

“I used to, but erm… it’s been a while,” he admitted. He cleared his throat and sighed. In his slumber, Noah rolled toward him and Rafael curled an arm around his boy. “It’s kind of ironic really. The past few years when I was sitting alone in my apartment, pining for you, I didn’t do it. But now, here I am, lying on the floor when I already have everything I could ever wish for.”

There was, of course, the matter of his proposal but, while he’d be disappointed if she said ‘no’ he’d still have her and Noah. And that, he vowed, would be enough.

Olivia gazed at him for several moments, a soft smile on her face. When she finally looked away, it was to lift her eyes toward the sparkling lights above them. She watched the play and dance of the sparkling lights and the way the ornaments and bulbs reflected the different colours. When she glanced back from the corner of each eye, she saw that Rafael was also once again gazing at the tree.

Closing her eyes and drawing in a silent breath, she made her wish. More nights like this one, simple joys and quiet laughter, with Rafael and Noah beside her.

Chapter 6: Tuesday (7 days to go…)

Rafael shuffled nervously from foot to foot as he waited outside the school for Noah’s class to be dismissed. He’d unexpectedly got out of the office early. He was supposed to be meeting with Rita - he had taken on the immigration case of one of her clients who was being accused of assault, but she’d come down with a heavy cold and had gone home to recuperate. So, he’d taken the rest of the afternoon off, without telling his new assistant, Emma. As far as she knew, he was still at Rita’s office. He didn’t like lying to his assistant, but he hadn’t known her for long and wasn’t sure if she could be trusted to stand up to Olivia and keep the information from her, should the need arise. His girlfriend could be rather intimidating when she wanted information that wasn’t forthcoming!

The reason for his subterfuge was that he wanted to speak to Noah about his plans to propose to Olivia at Christmas. He’d been trying to get the boy alone for the past few days but every time he had been about to bring up the subject, Olivia had appeared. He had been beginning to think he’d never get the opportunity, but then Rita’s assistant had called. Emma had been on a break and he just happened to have been walking past her desk and recognising the number of Rita’s firm on the caller ID, he’d answered it. As he listened to the polite, young woman explain that Rita had fallen ill so he wouldn’t need to trek the eight blocks to her office, it had seemed too good to be true. But he’d jumped at the opportunity that had fallen into his lap.

Rafael turned towards the door as the bell rang out and watched for Noah to emerge. When he did, the boy looked around for Lucy, frowning for a moment when he didn’t see her.

“Hey, mijo!”

Noah’s head snapped in the direction of his father’s familiar voice.

“Dad!” He ran over and wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist. “What are you doing here? Where’s Lucy?”

“My meeting got cancelled, so I thought I’d pick you up and you and I could go for ice-cream.”

“Ice-cream?!” Noah repeated, a smile spreading across his face.

“Sound like a plan?”

“Yeah!” he replied, taking his hand and tugging him away from the door.

Rafael stood firm. “Hang on, mijo. I just want to speak to Mrs Rozniak.”

Noah sighed but waited patiently as his father spoke to his teacher.

“Mr Barba.” She held out a hand. “So nice to see you again. Thank you for the cookies.”

Rafael smiled and shook the teacher’s hand. “You’re welcome, although it was all Noah’s idea. I thought I’d take advantage of a quiet work day and come and pick Noah up. Has he had a good day?”

She nodded. “Yes. No problems. We had our first dress rehearsal today and Noah looked very smart in his costume.”

The school’s Christmas program was in three days and they had been asked to provide dark trousers, a Christmas jumper and a Santa hat for Noah to wear during the performance.

“You’ll be here on Thursday, yes?” Mrs Rozniak asked.

“Yes,” confirmed Rafael. “I’ve had my assistant clear my schedule. My…” he trailed off as he realised he’d been about to call Olivia his wife. “Noah’s mom has booked the time off too.” Lucia had also arranged to be there – luckily, Noah’s event didn’t clash with the one at her school. And Lucy was planning to attend too.

“Great. Well, I’d better let you go. I know better than to come between a first grader and his ice-cream,” she said with a light chuckle. “See you on Thursday. See you tomorrow Noah.”

“Bye, Mrs Rozniak.” Noah gave her a wave as he skipped off with Rafael.

***

Rafael settled Noah into a booth, with his recommended reading, while he went to the counter to order. He didn’t need to ask what Noah wanted. This was a usual haunt for them and Noah had the same dish every time.

As he queued, he kept glancing back towards Noah checking on him. It had been over a year since Sheila Porter had snatched the boy, but the scars still remained. He could still remember the terror that had engulfed him when he found out the boy was missing, the helplessness he’d felt as he stood in Olivia’s office. He never wanted to experience that again.

He placed his order and, once he had their drinks, he hurried back to the table. Noah was happily reading, so Rafael scooted in opposite him and let him continue, periodically asking him questions to check his understanding. They continued reading until the waitress set their sundaes down in front of them, at which point Noah, unsurprisingly, lost interest in the book.

He dived right into his ice cream, eating so quickly Rafael was surprised he didn’t get brain freeze. As he watched his son eat, Rafael considered the best way to start the conversation. He didn’t want to just blurt it out, but he if he wasn’t direct, Noah would more than likely change the subject. The boy could jump from topic to topic like no one Rafael had ever known.

“You’re not eating your ice cream, Dad,” Noah observed. “It’s gonna melt.”

Noah’s words drew Rafael back to the present, and he picked up his spoon. “Sorry, mijo. Lost in my thoughts.”

“About the people you’re helping at work?”

Noah was always interested to hear the stories of the people Rafael was helping to stay in America. He didn’t really understand the reasons they’d had to leave their home countries and why they weren’t allowed to just stay, but he liked to hear about them, nonetheless.

“No, actually. I was thinking about Christmas.”

“Are you sure Santa will find us at the new house?”

Rafael smiled. Noah had been excited about moving but he had been very concerned that his presents wouldn’t arrive. “You told him we’d moved in your letter, and when you saw him at the store last week.”

“But he has lots of children to remember.”

“And that’s why he has elves.” Rafael put down his spoon and held Noah’s gaze. “Trust me, mijo. Santa knows we’ve moved, and he’ll deliver your presents.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Speaking of presents,” he continued, absentmindedly stirring his ice-cream, “I wanted to talk to you about a gift I was going to give your mom.”

“Okay,” Noah said around a mouthful of ice-cream.

“Now, this is a surprise, so I need you to promise you won’t say anything to your mom about it, okay?”

Noah met his gaze. “I promise.”

“So…” he took a steadying breath. He didn’t remember ever being this nervous about anything. “How would you feel if I asked your mom to marry me?”

Noah’s eyed his father curiously. “Did you talk to Santa?”

Rafael’s brow furrowed. “No. Why?” he asked carefully.

“Because I asked Santa for you to marry Momma, so you’d be my Dad properly.”

“You asked Santa for…” Rafael trailed off as Noah’s words registered. “Wait, what do you mean, be your Dad properly. I am your Dad. We agreed on that back in Miami.”

“I know. But Billy Slater said you weren’t really my Dad because you’re a Barba and I’m not. I told him that he was stupid and to get lost but…” Noah shrugged. His classmate’s words had had more of an impact that he’d wanted to admit.

“Noah, mijo,” Rafael’s throat clenched with emotion. “I am, and always will be, your Dad. Whether I’m married to your mom or not. Being a Dad isn’t about who you’re married too, it’s about loving your children and taking care of them.”

“But I want to be a Barba, like you,” he said quietly, looking down at his melting dessert.

Rafael reached across the tabled and took Noah’s hand. “Nothing would make me prouder than you becoming Noah Porter Barba,” he said, blinking back tears. “But even if your mom says ‘no’ to marrying me, or ‘not yet’, I’ll still be your Dad and nothing – especially not Billy Slater – will change that. Okay?”

“Okay.” He nodded before shovelling a couple more spoonfuls of ice cream into his mouth. “When Mrs Rozniak got married, she got a sparkly ring,” Noah commented.

“That’s right. I have one for your mom.” He reached for the ring box in his pocket. Placing it on the table, he opened it, so Noah could see. “Think she’ll like it?”

Noah regarded the ring for a moment. “It’s pretty but it looks old.”

Rafael couldn’t help but laugh at the boy’s honesty. “That’s because it is, it was my abuelita’s,” he explained. “She died a few years ago, but she’d have loved your mom… and you. She’d want your mom to have it. But, if your mom wants a new one, I’ll buy her a new one.”

As Noah polished off the rest of his ice cream, Rafael considered Noah’s words. What he had told Noah was true; he would always think of Noah as his son, no matter the answer to his proposal. He had assumed that if Olivia accepted, his adoption of Noah would be the next step, but maybe he needed to be a bit more proactive about the situation, to give everyone a little more clarity.

He glanced at Noah who, ice cream now finished, had gone back to his book, and pulled out his phone. He quickly typed out a text and hit send.

Hey Rita. Fancy dipping your toe back into family law? I need a favour. R x

Chapter 7: Wednesday (6 days to go…)

“Noah, sweet boy!” Olivia called from the sofa through to the kitchen where Noah was putting his empty glass in the dishwasher.

The boy came running at the sound of his name, his socked feet skidding on the laminate floor. “Yeah?”

“There’s a letter for you.”

Noah’s brow furrowed. “Me?” he asked. “But I never get mail unless it’s my birthday.”

“Well, today must be your lucky day.” Rafael pulled out a bright red envelope from the pile of mail he was holding and passed it to Noah. “Go on, open it.”

Snatching the proffered envelope from his dad’s hand, he tore it open and unfolded the piece of paper that was inside.

“It’s from Santa!” he gasped.

“Wow! What does it say?” Olivia asked, pulling him onto her knee so they could all look at the letter together.

Noah read the words carefully, only needing to check with Olivia on a few that troubled him.

Dear Noah,

With Christmas only a week away, things are very busy here at the North Pole, but I wanted to write because one of my elves told me you were worried that I wouldn’t find you at your new house. Please don’t worry. I have a very big book which lists all the children’s addresses and whenever a child moves to a new house it updates magically.

I promise I know where to find you on Christmas Eve and your good behaviour this year has ensured you are at the top of the nice list. There are still six days to go though, so make sure you keep it up. I got your letter and I’m sure you’ll get everything you asked for.

Don’t forget to hang up your stocking on Christmas Eve and please make sure you’re in bed early, as I can’t visit any houses where children are still awake. Oh, and if you could leave a mince pie and a carrot out for me and Rudolph, we would be very grateful.

Love from

Santa Claus

When he finished reading, Noah dropped the letter into his lap. “Santa wrote to me?” he whispered, awe and wonder lacing his tone.

“I told you Santa would know where we lived,” Rafael said.

“Yeah, you said his elves helped him, but you were wrong, he has a magic book,” Noah replied, playfully. He always liked it when he knew something his Dada didn’t. He picked up the letter in his hands. “This is so cool! Can I take it to school tomorrow to show everyone?”

Olivia smiled. “Sure. Why don’t you go and put it in your bag, so you don’t forget?” she suggested.

Noah jumped down off the sofa and ran into the hallway, where his bag hung on a hook by the door. Rafael, who was on bedtime story duty that night, called after him.

“Go and do your teeth and I’ll be up in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay, Dad.”

A few seconds later, Olivia and Rafael heard the sound of his feet on the stairs.

“That was a really sweet thing you did for him,” Olivia commented, snuggling into his side.

“What?”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “The letter from Santa.”

Rafael feigned innocence. “I don’t know what you mean. That letter came directly from the North Pole. Look at the postmark.” He pointed to the discarded envelope.

Olivia giggled. “Yeah, with a little help from a well-dressed elf, I’m sure.”

Rafael shrugged and flashed her a half-smile as he stood from the sofa. “I’d better get up there. Hopefully, I won’t be too long and then we can get the rest of his presents wrapped.”

***

Rafael poked his head around Noah’s door. “Have you chosen a book, mijo?”

Noah nodded and held out the book. “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” It had been the gift he had received from the mall Santa when they paid him a visit, but Noah had wanted to finish the final Harry Potter book before reading anything else.

“Dr Seuss? Well, it’s been a while, but I’ll give it a shot.” He perched on the edge of the bed. “Budge up.”

Noah obliged, and Rafael shifted, putting his arm around Noah’s shoulders. He lifted his legs onto the bed, stretching them out along the length and opened the book. Clearing his throat, he began.

Every Who Down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot… But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT! The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all, May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos, Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown, At the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath, Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath. “And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer, “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

“I don’t understand how anyone doesn’t like Christmas,” Noah declared. “It’s the best.” He grabbed his favourite stuffed elephant – who had been adorned with a tinsel collar - from the bed next to him. “Right, Eddie?”

Eddie nodded (with a bit of help from Noah, of course) and Rafael realised that a short and sweet story time was not to be. Noah was in one of his talkative moods, where he would interrupt the story with comments, questions and observations.

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, “I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!” For tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys, Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on Who-pudding and rare Who-roast-beast. Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least! And THEN They’d do something He liked least of all! Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!

“I don’t like singing.”

“But you’re singing tomorrow in the holiday programme,” Rafael reminded him.

“I know, but only cos Mrs Rozniak says I have to, and she said if we all do a good job, we can have extra recess.”

Rafael chuckled to himself. If only the deals he’d used to make at work had been that easy. “Well in Whoville, everyone loves to sing, without the promise of extra recess,” he told Noah, continuing with the story.

They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Christmas Sing, The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!” “Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!” “I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?” Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!” “With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!” “All I need is a reindeer…” The Grinch looked around. But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said, “If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”

So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread, And he tied a big horn on the top of his head. THEN He loaded some bags and some old empty sacks, On a ramshackle sleigh and he hitched up old Max. Then the Grinch said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down, Toward the homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town. All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.

Rafael paused as he noticed Noah looking at Eddie, his head tilted slightly to one side. “You okay?”

“I wonder if Eddie would like some antlers?”

“I don’t know, he’s already got that very long trunk, antlers might be a little bit much.”

Noah contemplated his father’s words as he looked at Eddie. “Yeah, maybe.”

When he came to the first little house on the square. “This is stop number one,” the old Grinchy Claus hissed, And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue. Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row. “These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, Around the whole room, and he took every present! Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums! Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums! And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney! Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos’ feast! He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!

“The Grinch is a meanie!” Noah commented.

“He certainly is.”

“You’d put him in jail, wouldn’t you, Dad?”

Rafael nodded. It was a long time since he’d sent anyone to jail. His job now was about helping people. Noah knew that but he had a rose-tinted view of how things used to be when he and his mom caught the bad guys together. “I would, mijo. For a long, long time.”

“Yeah, cos you’re the best.”

Rafael, feeling slightly emotional at Noah’s words, had to clear his throat before continuing.

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. “And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will stuff up the tree!” And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove, When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who! Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.

The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter, Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water. She stared at the Grinch and said, “Santy Claus, why,” “Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?” But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick, He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! “Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied, “There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.” “So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.” “I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”

“You shouldn’t lie. Lying is wrong.” Noah commented.

“It is. But liars always get their comeuppance,” Rafael assured, “Shall we see what happens to The Grinch?”

Noah nodded, lying his head against Rafael’s shoulder.

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed. And when CindyLou Who went to bed with her cup, He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire!. On their walls, he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he left in the house, Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then He did the same thing to the other Whos’ houses Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Whos’ mouses! It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still a-bed, All the Whos, still a-snooze When he packed up his sled, Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!

“PoohPooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming. “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!” “They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!” “Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!” “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!” So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow.

“It’s Christmas! The Grinch didn’t ruin it!”

Rafael smiled at Noah’s sleepy enthusiasm. “No, he didn’t. Christmas Day came anyway and the Whos celebrated, even though they didn’t have presents.”

“They celebrated without presents?”

“They did. Listen…”

But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!” And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! ‘Maybe Christmas,’ he thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!’

And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say, That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day! And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight, He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light, And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast! And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast!

Rafael glanced down as he felt Noah’s weight grow heavier against him. The boy’s eyes were closed, and his breathing had evened out. He was out.

Gently, Rafael laid Noah down and pulled the covers up to his chin. He shifted slightly in his sleep, tightening his hold on Eddie.

As he watched his son sleep, Rafael considered the words of the poem’s penultimate verse. He’d been doing a lot of reflection on Christmas recently and he knew for sure that the best things about Christmas definitely didn’t come from a store.

Chapter 8: Thursday (5 days to go…)

Rafael stood in the elevator, eyes fixed on the display, watching the numbers creep up. He took a deep breath as it flicked to nine. Since his resignation, he’d been here only a handful of times. It hadn’t been in his plan for today either; Olivia was supposed to come home for lunch and they would make their way to Noah’s school for his Christmas program from there. But they’d caught a major case – a Senator’s son had been accused of raping of a girl at a party the night before – and she’d text him, apologising that she wouldn’t be able to make their lunch date. They’d agreed to meet at the school, but the more Rafael thought about it, the more he wanted them to arrive together. It was their first Christmas together as a family and he wanted to experience everything with her.

So, he decided to surprise Olivia by picking her up at the precinct. It had seemed like a great idea at the time; they could still eat lunch together and then make their way to the school, but now, now he wasn’t sure. Even though he’d only been here a few times, each time he entered the squad room, he was assaulted by memories of his time working with SVU, of everything he had lost. The place was full of ghosts.

The elevator arrived at the floor with a ‘ding’ and Rafael took a steadying breath as the doors opened. He may have lost a lot, but he had gained so much more.

He strode down the corridor and turned the corner into the squad room to come face to face with Amanda.

“Barba. We weren’t expecting you.”

“Plans changed so I thought I’d surprise Liv.” He nodded towards her office. “She busy?”

“Not with anything important,” Amanda replied with a shrug.

Rafael wondered at the strangeness of her tone and as he neared Olivia’s office and began to make our snippets of a conversation she was having, he understood.

“My gut says he’s guilty, Peter.”

“Well, unfortunately, your gut isn’t grounds for getting you a warrant.”

Rafael stopped just shy of the doorway. Stone. She was in there with Stone. He had managed to avoid him ever since returning to New York, timing his few visits to the precinct with times Liv said he’d be in court and hiding in their bedroom on the one occasion he had called round to the apartment to see Olivia.

He edged forward, peering into her office. She and Stone were stood in front of the window into the Conference Room. It shouldn’t have come as that much of a surprise – he was her ADA after all, but seeing the man who prosecuted him, standing where he once stood stung just a little. No matter how much he may have gained by pursuing a personal relationship with Olivia, he still missed their professional sparring.

Gathering all the courage he had, he rapped his knuckles against the doorframe and they turned simultaneously to face him, although, he was pleased to note, not quite as in-sync as she used to be with him.

“Rafa! What are you doing here?”

“I know we agreed to meet at the school, but I figured since you were so busy, you wouldn’t have had time to stop and eat, so…” He shrugged, holding up the small paper bag bearing the name of her favourite deli.

She smiled at him as she approached, touched by his gesture. And with how well he knew her. She hadn’t eaten – time had gotten away from her as it often did when working big cases.

“Thank you.” She smiled as she took the bag from him and noticed where it was from. “Chicken Club?” she asked.

“Of course.” It always had been her favourite. Knowing he couldn’t ignore Stone forever, he forced himself to glance behind her and give him a nod. “Mr Stone.”

“Mr Barba.” Peter returned the nod before turning back to Olivia. “You need more. I simply cannot get you a warrant based on what you have.”

Olivia let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine, I will get Carisi and Rollins to go back over the witness statements and Fin will call you if they find anything.”

“You mean you’re not going to be overseeing the investigation?” Peter asked, eyebrow raised.

“Not directly.” She shook her head. “I have the afternoon off.”

“The mayor’s office has already been on the phone three times this morning. Come on Liv, we’re talking about the Senator’s son here!”

Rafael bristled at hearing Stone use the familiar nickname for Olivia. “And we’re talking about our son,” he told Peter. “It’s his Christmas Program at school this afternoon.”

“I… I didn’t know,” Peter stuttered. He’d heard on the grapevine that Rafael had returned and that he and Olivia were involved, but he hadn’t realised the three of them were so much of a family. She didn’t share much of her personal life with him, and now he understood why. He’d prosecuted the man she was in a relationship with.

“That’s okay,” Olivia said. She’d not mentioned it to him, preferring to keep their relationship as professional as possible. “But you understand why I can’t stay. Fin is more than capable of holding the fort for a few hours, even with a big profile case. He’s worked here nearly as long as I have.”

Peter nodded. “I will leave you two to your lunch.” He stopped in front of Rafael. “Nice to see you back in New York, Mr Barba.” He held out a hand.

Rafael eyed the younger man, trying and failing to gauge the sincerity of his statement. The man would be a great poker player, he thought. Despite the animosity between them, Rafael shook the ADA’s hand. Manners first, as his abuelita would say. Even if he wanted to crush the man’s pitching hand.

As Olivia saw Stone out and briefed Fin on what they needed, Rafael unpacked their lunch and set it on Olivia’s desk. When she returned, he was stood by her chair, which he pulled out for her.

“Madam, your table is ready.”

***

Rafael and Olivia enjoyed a leisurely walk through the park, stopping occasionally to steal kisses from each other. One kiss led to them getting particularly distracted and resulted in them having to jog the final leg to the school. They entered the auditorium with moments to spare, Lucia staring at them quizzically as the lights dimmed. They sat patiently through the kindergarten section of the program, watching as the youngest children performed several songs. Once they’d finished and filed off stage, the first graders took their place. They sang, ‘Santa Claus is Coming Town’ before several children – including Noah – stepped forward.

A girl with auburn curls cleared her throat. “First Grade presents, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ by Clement Moore. Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…

The children took it in turns to recite a verse of the poem as Olivia, Rafael, Lucia and Lucy listened intently as they waited for Noah’s turn. As the poem neared the end, Noah scanned the audience, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Rafael gave him a reassuring nod and smile, not dissimilar to the ones he and Liv once shared in the courtroom. Noah returned the gesture and stepped toward the microphone. Puffing out his chest, he took a deep breath and began,

“He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose! He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight, ‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!’”

All the first-graders joined in for the last line, but Noah wasn’t finished with his part. “And now, to conclude our section of the performance, we will sing, ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’.”

The children produced antlers and red noses from the floor of the stage and put them on, before singing with gusto. They finished to rousing applause – Lucia leading a standing ovation – and took their bows.

The program continued with performances from the other grades – a selection of songs, poems and dramas – as well as a staff song that had all the children in giggles. The final act of the show was a whole-school rendition of ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’, followed by another round of thunderous applause.

The lights went up and the children shuffled impatiently in their seats, keen to greet their parents. When the first graders were finally allowed to get up, Noah bounded over to his family.

“Hi sweet boy,” Olivia greeted as she embraced him. “You were so good up there!”

He pulled back from the hug. “Really?” He looked to Rafael.

“Definitely. We could hear every word.” He ruffled Noah’s hair. “Well done, mijo.”

Noah beamed at his father’s praise and turned to his grandmother. “Did you like it, Abuelita?”

“Like it? I loved it.” She patted her handbag and whispered conspiratorially, “I might even have stolen some ideas for my school for next year.”

Noah giggled as she flashed him an exaggerated wink.

Olivia smiled as she watched the two of them. After all the drama with Sheila Porter, she was glad Noah had a grandmother he could rely on. “Do you want to join us for dinner, Lucia?”

“Thank you mija, but I can’t. I have… other plans.”

“Anything exciting?” Rafael asked.

She patted him on the arm. “Nothing that you need to concern yourself with, mijo.” She kissed his cheek. “I will see you on Monday. Let me know if you need me to bring anything.”

She turned on her heel and left the auditorium before Rafael could ask any further questions. He merely stood, watching his mother’s retreating form with his mouth slightly agape.

“That’s our topic of conversation at dinner tonight then,” Olivia whispered to Lucy, with a roll of her eyes. “I don’t suppose you would like to…?”

“I think I’ll give it a miss,” she smiled.

“Traitor,” Olivia retorted.

“Who’s a traitor?” Rafael asked, his attention now back on his family.

Olivia shook her head. “Never mind.” She linked her arm through his and took Noah’s hand. “Come on, let’s get our future Oscar winner home.”

Chapter 9: Friday (4 days to go…)

It was 8 pm and the Christmas party at the 1-6 was in full swing. The 1-7 were covering their shifts – it was a reciprocal arrangement that had been going on for several years – and everyone was glad for a night off to decompress and forget about the awful things they dealt with in their jobs and just to enjoy the holidays.

The table in the conference room was littered with trays of hors-d'oeuvres and cookies, as well of bowls of punch and eggnog. Holiday music was blaring out of the Bluetooth speaker on Fin’s desk. Olivia had put him in charge of the music, save Carisi put Fairytale of New York on repeat. Noah and Jesse, along with the children of several other officers, were showing off their dance moves while they waited for Santa to arrive.

Olivia leant on the doorframe of her office, absentmindedly stroking the white plaits of the Mrs Claus hat Rafa had bought her and smiling as she watched Noah, dressed in his elf hat, teach Jesse how to floss.

“I don’t know where he gets his energy from,” commented Rafael as he approached, two glasses of punch in hand.

“It’s the excitement,” Olivia told him, taking the glass he offered her. “Plus, I suspect Carisi has been sneaking him candy.”

“So, Fin and Rita?” He nodded to where her sergeant was talking with his date. “Did you know about that?”

Olivia shook her head. “Not a clue.” She had been just as shocked as everyone else when Fin had taken a phone call, disappeared for a few minutes and then returned with the defence attorney, who seemed to have recovered from her cold, in tow and introduced her as his girlfriend. “But you know Fin, he’s doesn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve. Rita didn’t say anything to you?”

He shook his head. “Not a word.”

Olivia watched as Rita laughed at something Fin said, her hand gripping his upper arm. “Strange as this may sound, I think they might be a good fit,” she commented, lifting her drink to her lips. She took a sip and recoiled, starting at the strong alcoholic taste.

She turned to Rafael to find a similar expression on his face.

“Someone spiked the punch?” he asked, with a despairing shake of his head. “Spiked punch. People dating outside their allotted cliques. What is this? High School?”

Olivia threw her head back and let out a laugh, noticing for the first time the sprig of green that hung in her doorway. “Huh.”

Rafael followed her gaze. “Is that… mistletoe?”

“It appears to be, although I swear it wasn’t there half an hour ago.” She glanced around the room, noticing every doorway had been adorned with the festive plant. “It seems we’ve had a visit from an elf.”

“Interesting. Did you know,” began Rafael, “that, according to Norse legends, the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe arose from a mistake involving the Goddess Frigga? Her son, Balder told her that he had dreamt that he was to be killed. To save him, she ordered every animal and plant not to harm him. She specified that Balder could not be hurt by anything that grew on the earth or under the earth, but the mistletoe was exempt. An enemy of Balder realised this and had him killed by a spear of mistletoe. Frigga resurrected her son and then made the mistletoe a sacred plant that brings love to the world by insisting that any couple standing under it must kiss each other.”

“Is that so?” she replied with a smile, tilting her head.

Rafael nodded, taking another – smaller – sip of his punch. “It is.”

“Well, we don’t have to…” Olivia didn’t want him to feel pressured. While most of the people at the party knew they were a couple, overt public displays of affection had never been something either of them had been comfortable with.

“I disagree,” Olivia’s eyes shot up to meet his and he smirked. “We wouldn’t want to annoy the Norse gods now, would we?”

He stepped into her, closing the gap between them. Their lips were mere centimetres apart – they could feel their breaths mingling – when the jingling of bells sounded in the corridor accompanied by a shout of, “SANTA’S HERE!” from the children.

Olivia and Rafael jumped apart and turned towards the door, to see Don Cragan – in full Santa regalia enter!

“Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!”

***

In the hours that followed, Olivia and Barba found themselves under the mistletoe several more times, but never with each other. Fin, Carisi and Cragen all placed gentle kisses on Olivia’s cheek and Barba bestowed similar on Amanda and Melinda.

Every time they had tried to catch each other in a doorway, someone else had appeared or one of them had been needed to deal with something else. Rafael was beginning to think they were cursed, and he would never get to kiss her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed Olivia entering her office, Noah in her arms. The boy had been practically falling asleep on his feet, so he assumed she was taking him to lie down on the sofa. This was it, he thought, this was his chance. He would meet her in the doorway on her way back into the squad room.

It was the perfect plan. Except for the fact that Stone was also heading her way and was a hell of a lot closer than he was.

Rafael clenched his jaw. ‘Oh no, not again. And certainly not because of him,’ he thought as he strode across the office.

He had just reached Amanda’s desk when he heard Carisi call his name.

“Barba! Can I ask you something, counsellor?”

Rafael barely held in his eye-roll, preparing himself for whatever inane legal question the younger man had.

“Is Die Hard a Christmas film? I say yes, Rollins says no. We need a deciding vote.”

“Not now, Carisi,” he growled as he continued to race Stone to Olivia’s office.

There was no way he was going to make it in time. Stone was nearly at the corridor that led to the interrogation rooms and he was still in the middle of the squad room. Short of running across the room – and looking like a desperate, jealous idiot – he was at a loss for what to do.

***

Luckily, Rita Calhoun was an observant soul. She could easily while away many hours sitting in a coffee shop, people watching – much to her new boyfriend’s consternation. She’d been watching her old friend all night as he tried and failed to get a kiss from Olivia and she saw this latest opportunity arrive. She knew Rafael had seen it too, if his determined stride across the office was anything to go by. It was only when she saw the panicked look on his face, did she realise that he was heading for another flunk out. All thanks to Peter Stone.

God, how she hated that man! He’d tried to send her oldest friend to prison. While she didn’t agree with Rafael’s actions – and the less said about him hiring Dworkin rather than her to defend him, the better – he had acted out of mercy and hadn’t deserved the witch-hunt that had followed. She hadn’t had much to do with the new ADA, but it seemed it was time to introduce herself. To fall on her sword for the sake of her friend’s romance. It wouldn’t do to have someone who was due to propose in 4 days to be getting into a jealous sulk.

Running a hand down Fin’s arm, she excused herself and stepped forward. “Excuse me, Mr Stone? I’m Rita Calhoun, of Petersen, Calhoun and Ross. I wonder if you have a moment…”

***

Rafael watched, mouth wide, as Rita stepped in and rescued him from having to make a complete fool of himself and made a mental note to add a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka to her Christmas present.

With Stone distracted, he picked up his pace a little, grateful for the reprieve but unsure how long it would last. The gods of Christmas must have been looking down on him favourably because he arrived in Olivia’s doorway at exactly the same moment she was leaving.

He lifted his eyes to check the mistletoe was, in fact, still there. It would be just their luck that it had magically disappeared. Not that he needed an excuse to kiss her, but it was their first Christmas together and a kiss under the mistletoe was a tradition that just had to be adhered to. Upon seeing the sprig of green still hanging there, Rafael’s shoulders sagged in relief.

“Finally,” he sighed, eliciting a smile from Olivia.

“My sentiments exactly,” she agreed, curling her fingers around one of his suspenders.

He met her halfway, cupping her cheek as he captured her lips in a sweet kiss. Lingering. Unhurried. It was with some reluctance that they parted, but this was not the time or place to be getting carried away.

“Merry Christmas, Rafa,” Olivia whispered, pulling away and resting her forehead against his.

“Merry Christmas, Liv,” he replied, before stealing another quick kiss.

Chapter 10: Saturday (3 days to go…)

Olivia stirred slowly, blinking against the light streaming through the gap in the curtain. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was almost nine. It was unusual for them to sleep this late; the late night at the party must have taken its toll on Noah, putting paid to their early morning wake up call. It wouldn’t long until he would be awake though.

Olivia threw back the covers and shivered at the chill in the air. She grabbed her robe from the back of the chair and pulled it on to shield herself from the cold as she padded over to the window. She let out a gasp at the sight that awaited her. Snow was falling heavily and mixing with a strong wind creating a world filled with a swirling, disorientating, almost blinding whiteness.

“Liv?” Rafael called groggily from their bed as he sat up.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’okay. How’s the weather?” The forecasters had been predicted snow, but there had been differing predictions about how much.

“Take a look for yourself.” She stepped back from the window, pulling the curtain far to one side so he could see.

“Wow. It’s a veritable blizzard out there. Guess our plan for the park is out of the question.”

Olivia nodded. “Today is definitely an inside day.”

Rafael swung his legs over the side of the bed and joined Olivia by the window. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Good morning.” He ghosted his lips across her cheek. “Sleep well?”

“Mmm.” She smiled. “Morning.”

“I’ll go and start breakfast,” he offered, giving her a little squeeze before crossing the room. “I might have promised Noah pancakes this morning if he was good last night.”

“Not too much sugar,” she called after him. “Not if we’re spending the entire day cooped up inside.”

On entering the kitchen, Rafael switched on the coffee maker before gathering the supplies he needed and setting to work. He was just whisking the batter when Noah wandered into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.

Rafael put the whisk down and reached out to ruffle his son’s hair. “Good morning, sleepy head.”

“Morning.” As Noah lifted his head to speak to his father, he noticed the weather outside. “Awww. Mom said we could go to the park today.”

“I know, but it looks like the weather is too bad. The forecast is advising people to stay indoors, for the morning at least.”

Noah shuffled to the table and sat down, his elbows on the table and his hands cupping his face. The pout on his face was one Rafael recognised well.

“I know it’s disappointing, but when the weather settles down there’ll be lots of snow to play in. In the meantime, how about you help me make breakfast, huh?”

Noah turned his head and his eyes widened as he spotted the bowl in his dad’s hands and the familiar ingredients on the counter. A smile spread over his face. “Pancakes?”

“Well, you behaved really well last night, and I did promise.”

“Can we make them into Christmas pancakes?” Noah asked, standing on his tiptoes to get a better look at the progress his dad had made.

“Christmas pancakes?” Rafael turned to face him, his brow furrowed. “How do we do that?”

“With chocolate chips and Christmas cutters,” Noah replied as if the answer should have been obvious.

“Of course.” He poured the first batch of batter into the pan. “Well, if you can find the cutters, it’s a deal.”

Olivia had unpacked the kitchen and Rafael was still getting to grips with where she’d put everything. He was able to locate the items they used on a regular basis, but he hadn’t seen the box of cookie cutters since they moved in.

Noah, of course, found them instantly and presented them to Rafael with a triumphant smile.

“Great job mijo. So, when they’re done, I’ll put them on the cutting board and you can cut them, then put them on the plate, okay?”

Noah nodded and began sorting through the cutters, pulling out the Christmas shaped ones and laying them on the table. A tree, a snowman, a stocking and a star.

“What shapes do you want, Dad?”

“I think I’ll have a snowman and a star.” He flipped the first pancake, smiling too himself when it landed back right in the middle of the pan. “You should choose two shapes for your mom too.”

Noah looked around. “Yeah. Where is she?”

“She’s in the shower, but we can keep hers warm in the oven if she takes a while.”

“Here we go,” Rafael announced, carrying the pan to the table. “First pancake is up.” He slid it onto the wooden chopping board and Noah picked up the tree-shaped cutter.

The two worked together to make a variety of festive pancakes and by the time Olivia emerged, fully dressed, with her damp hair left to dry naturally, breakfast was ready.

“I thought I said not too much sugar,” Olivia lightly chastised Rafael as she watched Noah squeeze several tablespoons of syrup onto his pancakes.

Rafael shrugged. A bit of sugar couldn’t hurt that much, could it?”

***

The morning went by relatively quickly and smoothly. Noah was kept occupied by making Christmas cards for Lucia, Lucy and his honorary aunts and uncles from the squad. Rafael covered Noah’s hand in white paint and Olivia helped him make prints in the middle of the blue cards. While they were drying, Noah watched a festive episode of Paw Patrol, before collecting his markers and returning to the dining table. On each of his fingers, he drew a different snowman. Different shaped hats, different coloured scarves, different facial expressions. Once that was done, Rafael helped Noah with his writing as Olivia made lunch.

After finishing his soup, Noah began to get antsy. It started innocently enough. Fidgeting, distraction, excessive talking and giggling, until he was careering around the room, in a superhero cape, swinging Eddie around by his trunk. Rafael was running around after him, trying to get him to sit and work a puzzle or read a book. Noah wasn’t having any of it and Rafael was becoming increasingly frustrated. The last straw came when Eddie flew out of his hand and knocked a photo of Rafael’s abuelita off the mantlepiece. It crashed to the floor, the sound of the glass smashing echoing in the room.

“Noah Porter Benson!”

The harsh tone of his father’s voice broke through Noah’s sugar rush and his bottom lip began to wobble. Tears came shortly after, loud, penitent sobs.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break it.” He dashed towards the shards of broken glass intending to help clear up but skidded to a halt as both his parent’s shouted.

“No!”

Olivia approached him and crouched down. “I know you want to help, but the glass will be sharp, sweet boy. Your Dad and I only shouted because we didn’t want you to get hurt. Do you understand?“

Noah nodded, sniffling and wiping his nose on his sleeve.

“Go and sit on the couch, while your Dad and I clean this up.”

With another sniffle, Noah trudged over to the couch and flopped down on it. He was still sobbing when Rafael walked past him to get a dustpan and brush. When he returned, he handed the brush off to Olivia and sat down next to Noah, stroking his hair.

“I’m sorry if I scared you by shouting, mijo.”

Noah looked up. “You were mad at me.”

Rafael paused, considering his words. He never wanted Noah to feel even a fraction of what he himself had felt at the hands of his father, but he was afraid it was too late. “I was upset at the fact that the photo got broken, not at you. I know you didn’t mean to do it.”

“Am I going to be on the naughty list now?”

“No. Oh, Noah.” He reached out and gathered the boy to him. He rubbed soothing circles on his back. “It was an accident. You shouldn’t have been running around like that, but you didn’t deliberately break the frame. However, I do think Santa would appreciate it if we sat down and did something quiet for a bit.”

“Will you watch a movie with me?”

“Of course, in fact, why don’t we all watch? Did you have a film in mind?”

“Muppet’s Christmas Carol.”

Rafael smiled. “Of course.” They’d only watched it ten times since Thanksgiving. Rafael was fairly confident he could recite over 80% of the dialogue. Oh, and the songs. Once they were in your head, there was no getting them out.

As Rafael found the movie on Netflix, Noah shuffled back on the sofa. “Can we have ice cream?”

Rafael shook his head. “I think we should lay off the sugar for a bit, mijo. How about some milk and some apple slices instead?”

“Okay, Dad.”

A few minutes later, the three of them were snuggled up on the sofa, watching as Ebenezer Scrooge was visited by three ghosts in a last-ditch attempt at redemption. By the time the Ghost of Christmas Future arrived, Noah had crashed down from his sugar high. He was fast asleep, head pillowed on Olivia’s knee, the plate which had contained his apple slices sliding out of his hand.

Rafael dropped his head back and let out a sigh. “Y’know, in hindsight, perhaps chocolate chip pancakes and syrup weren’t a good combination,” he mused.

Olivia reached over and patted his knee. “It would have been fine if it hadn’t been for the weather keeping us inside,” Olivia assured. She picked up her phone and scrolled to the weather up. “Thankfully, the forecast for tomorrow is better, Rollins and Carisi should be able to get him and Jesse to the park for a bit.”

The two detectives were taking Jesse to see Santa and had offered to take him as well, to give Rafael and Olivia some time alone during the festive period. Noah had been eager to go – not wanting to miss a final opportunity to remind Santa that they’d moved to a new house and to amend his Christmas list, now he knew that his Dad was going to ask his Mom to marry him. Olivia and Rafael had taken full advantage of their offer and vowed to return the favour at some point over the holiday period.

“And we should be able to get to our destination. I love Noah, I do and the time the three of us spend together, but I’m not going to lie, it will be nice to spend some time alone, just the two of us.”

“Will you tell me where we’re going yet?” Olivia asked. Almost as soon as Olivia had told him about the detectives offer to babysit, Rafael had taken it upon himself to plan something for them, and he was being annoyingly tight-lipped about it.

He shook his head and replied with a smirk, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Chapter 11: Sunday (2 days to go…)

It was a clear, crisp day as Olivia and Rafael drove north. He had planned for them to spend the day exploring Harriman State Park. They both loved living in the city, but recently they had, on separate occasions, bemoaned the length of time it had been since they had been out in the fresh air. Rafael was just thankful that the weather hadn’t hampered his plans.

The snowfall the night before had actually been a blessing. It had created a beautiful, picturesque winter wonderland just for them to enjoy as they explored one of the winter trails. The view as they walked hand in hand through the park was magnificent; the trees all covered in a lustrous blanket of snow and the scenery competed with anything in any cheesy Hallmark movies.

They were walking back to the car when Olivia spied two rabbits ahead in the clearing. They stopped and watched them for a while, afraid that if they moved the animals would be frightened away. Olivia watched the rabbits race around, kicking up snow with their hind feet. Rafael watched Olivia. The winter wind had added hints of red to her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Her eyes were bright as she watched the creatures play.

Rafael noticed the snow-covered branch directly over her head and his hand, of its own volition he was certain, reached out and firmly shook the branch. Mounds of snow from that branch as well as the two above it fell upon her.

She gasped both from surprise and the shock of the coldness of the snow now covering her hair, sticking to her eyelashes and running down the back of her neck. Olivia slowly turned to face him. When her eyes met his and he viewed the promise of revenge he saw there, he did what any self-respecting man would do in the same situation – he ran.

He hadn’t gotten very far away from her when he checked over his shoulder to see if she was pursuing him. His world exploded into painful whiteness as the first snowball hit him in the face, and the second between the shoulder blades. The third, hit him square in the chest when he turned, taking the offensive, and began to chase after them. He heard Olivia laugh as she ran, and he took delight in the sound until she ducked under a low branch, pushing it forward so that it was his turn to be sprayed with snow when it snapped back. He stood, covered with snow, unable to help thinking that although he had started this little battle in the snow, he was getting his ass kicked.

Another snowball brushed past his ear and he set out after her with determined intent. Olivia lost her footing and she slipped on a patch of ice. She twisted her body so that she landed hard on her butt in the snow. Still laughing, she laid back in the snow so that her arms were next to her sides. Rafael walked up to her and watched as she moved her arms and legs out and back.

“What are you doing?”

“Making a snow angel.“ She pointed to a clear patch of snow close to her. "You should try it.”

Rafael eyed the snow with disdain. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t want to make a snow angel?” Her voice reflected her disappointment.

“Nope.” He smiled as he answered, then he dropped down trapping her beneath him. “I’d rather make out with an angel in the snow.” He whispered softly before kissing her tenderly.

She squirmed beneath him, and not taking his mouth from hers he captured both of her hands in his and pinned them above her head. He deepened the kiss and she responded in kind, but she also raised one of her legs to gain some leverage beneath him. Rafael shifted slightly to the side, making it impossible for her to move.

He bent his head so that his lips merely tantalized hers before descending to her jawline. His lips and tongue blazed a trail to just below her ear. The feather-like movements tickling and exciting her beyond words. She attempted to free her hands, but he held on tightly, keeping them above her head.

He nipped softly at her earlobe where it poked out from underneath her hat before nosing her scarf out of the way to run his tongue along the sensitive spot on her neck. Rafael lifted his head and looked into her brown eyes. He saw there the effect his movements were having on her; they were wide with desire.

“Rafa.” Her voice was deep, raw with passion. “Take me home. You can make out with an angel on the sofa in our living room, in front of that giant fireplace you insisted on having. If we stay out here much longer the explanation as to why my ass is frostbitten is going to be embarrassing.” She smiled up at him coyly.

He took her hand and pulled her up from the snow before leading her the short distance back to the car.

***

The teasing continued on the journey home. Once she was suitably warmed up, Olivia paid Rafael back for his actions in the snow by laying her hand on his thigh, tracing patterns in the denim of his jeans. Her fingers had risen higher and higher until they were teasing the now prominent bulge in his trousers.

By the time they arrived home, the tension between them was palpable. Olivia fumbled with the key in the lock as Rafael pressed up against her back, his breath ghosting over the skin of her neck.

He steadied her hand with his and together they got the door open. They barely made it inside before they were kissing. He kicked the door closed behind them and she pushed him back against it. Several minutes later, Olivia pulled away breathless. She stepped back from him and, with a smouldering smile, offered him her hand. He took it without hesitation and allowed her to lead him through the hallway.

The afternoon was growing late, and Rafael left her side only for a moment to switch on the tree and light the fire.

When he returned, their kisses grew more urgent. Rafael’s tongue began to tangle with hers more aggressively as she felt the fierce tension in his body escalate; his arousal pressing into her belly. His hands stole up under her sweater to caress across the skin of her back, causing her to arch against him as goose bumps broke out everywhere.

He dragged his mouth away from hers to trail it open along her chin and began to kiss and suck his way down her neck as she tilted her head back to give him better access. One large hand smoothed its way lower to cup and squeeze her rear. He bent her back over his arm slightly to reach the hollow of her throat, just above her collarbones. First, his nose nuzzled, and then his tongue dipped into it, giving testament to his fascination with this spot.

He nipped a titillating path across her collarbone, then gently nibbled his way up the side of her neck. Her breasts warmed and swelled, and her nipples tightened almost painfully in response to the sweet torture he was working on her exposed neck.

One of his hands was now under her sweater, resting on the side of her ribcage, his thumb making slow, wide sweeps from her waist to the edge of her bra. His other arm was effectively holding her upright and against him, as she had long ago lost all sense of balance. The hand attached to that arm was still stroking and squeezing her bum.

She ran the fingers of one hand through his hair, cradling his head as he began to run the tip of his tongue around her ear. She could feel his hot breath on her skin, causing a riot of sensations in her core.

She felt his fingers around her ribs tighten and his hand on her rear gave a slightly more gripping squeeze and held him against her. She felt his body give a little shudder.

“Liv,” he breathed against her ear. It was both a prayer and a plea. The teasing was fun, but he couldn’t take much more. He needed to make love to her.

Recognising the desperation in his tone, she tucked her head into the curve of his neck and whispered, “I think it’s time we christen our living room.”

Chapter 12: Christmas Eve

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining It is the night of our dear Saviour’s birth Long lay the world in sin and error pining ‘Til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O night divine, O night when Christ was born; O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Truly He taught us to love one another; His law is love and His gospel is peace Chains He shall break, for the slave is our brother; And in His name, all oppression shall cease Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever His power and glory evermore proclaim! His power and glory evermore proclaim!

Olivia held Rafael’s gloved hand as they followed Lucia up the steps to the large, stone church. Sacred Heart. Snow crunched under their boots, their breath fogging in front of them. It was a clear, frigid night; the stars shining brightly in the dark sky. Olivia shivered and hunkered deeper into her wool coat.

“Dad?” Noah tugged on Rafael’s other hand. “Abuelita said it’s going to be really, really late when we leave church. Do you think we’ll see Santa?”

Olivia threw a disbelieving look at Rafael over the top of the boy’s head, and he had to bite back a grin. They’d been following the NORAD Santa tracker all night at Lucia’s and he’d heard Olivia tell Noah at least twice that Santa was still very far away from North America. However, true to form for a six-year-old, when he was told something he didn’t want to hear, he asked someone else.

“Sorry, mijo. I don’t think Santa will be here for a while yet.” At Noah’s frown, Rafael continued. “But you don’t want to see him anyway.”

“Yes, I do,” the boy insisted.

“No, you really don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because if you see him the magic’s gone and he disappears.”

Noah’s eyes widened – he was now listening to every word his father said. “So, I wouldn’t get any presents?”

“Nope. The presents come with the magic.”

“Oh…” Noah sounded a bit shocked by that news. “Then I’m gonna keep my eyes closed all the way home.”

“Good idea,” Olivia agreed.

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about it,” Lucia said as they reached the top of the steps. “If they’re anything like Rafi when he was little, he’ll be sound asleep by the time we leave church.”

Rafael opened the large, oak door, allowing his mother, Olivia and Noah to pass before following. Inside the vestibule, he and his mother paused to dip their fingers in the font of holy water, crossing themselves before entering. The church was dimly lit; the sanctuary covered in fir garlands and red ribbons, the altar surrounded by dozens of large flowering red poinsettias. Each pew was decorated with garland, a big red velvet ribbon tied in a bow and a white candle. Organ music filled the chamber with the soft beautiful strains of “O Holy Night”, which just happened to be one of Rafael’s favourite Christmas hymns. The scent of frankincense permeated the air, bringing with it the sense of familiarity and peace that it always did for him when he attended midnight Mass.

There was something mystical about this service. It brought back all the feelings of enchantment that Rafael had felt as a child. The rituals, the Christmas hymns, the excitement of being allowed to stay up so late, the strangeness of being at church so deep in the night and – best of all – the titillating possibility of seeing Santa and his reindeer flying across the night sky. All of it had been magical for him and now, as he watched Noah look around wide-eyed, he hoped it would be the same for him.

But for all that, his feelings as an adult ran so much deeper. Reaching out to thread his fingers through Olivia’s, he looked down the pew at her, Noah and his mother. His family. Warmth spread through him. He truly was blessed. He had a woman in his life that loved him with all her heart – who, tomorrow, would hopefully agree to spend the rest of her life with him – and a son who had accepted him as his father without question. He never saw himself as a father, but now he couldn’t imagine not being one. To top it off, he had reconciled with his mother, who although ageing was doing so gracefully. He couldn’t remember ever being as happy as he was right now.

The only blemish on that happiness was that his abuelita wasn’t there to celebrate with them. It may have been almost four years since her death, but he still missed her and that feeling only intensified during the holiday season. He wondered what she would say if she could see him as he was now; a family man. Would she be proud of him, even though he would never become a judge as she had always dreamed?

The twinge of pain he felt at that thought caused his hand to tighten on Olivia’s as he bit back the sting of tears. She looked over at him and, as if reading his mind, gave him a small smile. That smile could lighten his day and cause his knees to go weak with lust. It could fill him with tenderness and make his heart soar with joy. And best of all there were times, like tonight, when it had the power to make him feel like no matter what happened; everything was all right.

After a brief moment of silence that got everyone’s attention, the organist began the loud joyous strains of “O Come All Ye Faithful” – which began in Latin but eventually switched over to the English translation. The sanctuary lit and the congregation rose for the opening procession; the swinging thurible of smoky incense, ministers carrying the cross and candles, the deacon carrying the Book of Gospels and finally the priest. Standing at Olivia’s side, listening to the voices rise in the call of the faithful, a sense of peace washed over him. It was as if his abuelita was with him, reminding him that even though he’s not a judge, he’s done well; that he’s succeeded in life.

He smiled back at Olivia. And with the joy of that peace, his voice joined the rest of the congregation in the beautiful hymn.

Adeste, fideles, Laeti triumphantes, Venite, venite in Bethlehem! Natum videte, Regem angelorum Venite, adoremus! Venite, adoremus! Venite, adoremus! Dominum!

O come, all ye faithful Joyful and triumphant O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem Come and behold Him Born the King of Angels! O come, let us adore Him O come, let us adore Him O come, let us adore Him Christ the Lord

***

Trying not to wake Noah, Rafael tiptoed down the stairs. When he got to the living room, he found it dark, save for the blinking lights on the Christmas tree. They must have forgotten to shut them off when they finally stumbled off to bed after returning from midnight Mass and putting the gifts out under the tree.

They’d just settled into bed when Olivia had realised they’d eaten the cookies Noah had left for Santa but had forgotten the carrots he’d put out for the reindeer. So, he’d agreed to come down and destroy the evidence. Sitting down on the couch, he snapped the vegetable about three-quarters of the way up and then bit into it, so it looked like it had been nibbled.

After placing the carrot back on the plate, Rafael sat back on the sofa and his gaze was drawn to the small, wooden nativity that Lucia had bought them to mark their first Christmas in their new home. The baby Jesus lying in the manger. His brain couldn’t help but transport him back to the last time he stood over a baby in a crib. Rather than being the beginning of life, it had been the end. He reminded himself that he had acted with compassion and mercy, rather than out of hate or evil.

“Hey.”

At the touch of a hand on his shoulder, Rafael was brought out of his thoughts, looking up to see Olivia smiling down on him.

“Hey, what are you still doing up?” He took the hand she rested on his shoulder and kissed the back of it.

“I was waiting for you to come back to bed,” she said, allowing him to pull her down onto his lap. “When you were taking so long, I got worried. You okay?”

He nodded. “It’s just been an emotional day, that’s all. Since my grandmother… Christmas has always been difficult, but this year…”

“You’re thinking about Drew, aren’t you?” Olivia carded her fingers through his hair soothingly. She knew the ghosts of his actions ten months previously would always haunt him. As time went on, they appeared less and less, but they would always be there; especially during the holiday season.

Rafael nodded. “I’m okay though,” he assured her. It wasn’t a lie. For the most part, he was. He’d received absolution for his actions from everyone that mattered and had made peace with what he had done. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder how Drew’s parents were coping on this, the first Christmas without their beautiful baby.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” she asked.

He gave her a half smile. “Never hurts to hear it again.”

Olivia cupped his handsome face in her palms and leaned in close. “I love you, Rafael Barba,” she whispered just before her lips touched his.

No matter what he’d done in the past, he was here now with the woman he loved. And he could not think of a better way to end Christmas Eve than snuggling with her by the light of the tree.

Chapter 13: Christmas Day

“It’s still coming down out there,” Olivia commented, as she looked out of the window, watching the snow fall through the darkness. While not as intense as the blizzard of the other day, it had been falling steadily for most of the day. A white Christmas.

And what a Christmas it had been. Olivia honestly didn’t think it could have been more perfect. She had woken up in the arms of the man she loved and spent Christmas Day in their new house. Lucia had joined them for lunch, before announcing she was spending the evening with her new boyfriend, Richard.

At this news, Rafael had cross-examined his mother as if she was a defendant on the witness stand. To her credit, and her son’s surprise and slight irritation, she held up well, answering what she wanted to and seamlessly deflecting what she didn’t. It was Noah who finally brought an end to the interrogation, tempting Rafael away to assemble his new Lego Jedi Star Fighter.

The Star Fighter had been Noah’s main present, but he had received lots of other gifts too. He had been well and truly spoilt. There had been several other toys, new clothes, DVDs, books and crayons as well as his own weight in chocolate and candy. But his favourite present by far had been the new sneakers that Lucia had bought him. He hadn’t taken them off all day.

“Can we watch Harry Potter now?” Noah asked. The DVD box set had been a present from Don and Eileen and Noah had been dying to watch it all day.

Olivia let the curtain drop and turned around. “Okay. I’ll go and get us some drinks and then we can all snuggle up and watch together, that sound good?”

“Yeah!” Noah nodded, and Olivia headed for the kitchen, running her hand over Rafael’s shoulder’s as she passed him sat on the sofa.

With the coast clear, Rafael beckoned Noah over. “Hey, mijo, before we watch, what do you say we give Mami her other present?” he asked, his voice low so they wouldn’t be overheard. Noah nodded. “Do you want to go and get it? It’s in my bedside drawer. There’s another present in there too. Bring them both, please.”

Noah ran off through the hall and up the stairs; his sneaker-clad feet pounding on the wooden steps.

Olivia laughed at the sound as she returned from the kitchen, balancing two wine glasses and a juice cup. “He’s going to want to wear those to bed, isn’t he?” She handed him a glass of wine. “Where’s he off to anyway?”

Rafael shrugged and lifted his glass and took a sip of the dark, red liquid. Olivia placed her glass on the coffee table, pulled the DVD Noah had chosen off the shelf. While she was putting the disc in the player, Noah returned and handed the two wrapped gifts to his dad, who quickly hid them behind the photo of his abuelita, which now resided on the end table in a brand-new photo frame. The frame had been a last-minute addition to his Christmas gifts from Noah, who had felt bad that it had got broken because of him.

“Liv?”

She glanced back at him over her shoulder.

“Leave that for a minute will you and come here?” He patted the cushion next to him. She placed the DVD in the machine and obliged him, leaving the menu to play on repeat.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“So…” Rafael began, rubbing his palms up and down his thighs. He hadn’t expected to feel as nervous as he did. “It seems Santa left something else for you.”

He pulled a neatly wrapped present, a box about the size of a Rubik’s Cube from off the end table and handed it to her.

“Rafa!” she gently admonished, as she fingered the delicate gold ribbon. “You already bought me enough.” There had been a new watch, a cashmere sweater, a replacement bottle of perfume, a leather backed desk diary – with weekly lunches pencilled in for the two of them – and a bottle of her favourite Cabernet under the tree for her that morning, and it was more than she’d expected.

“Just open it,” he urged.

She carefully untied the ribbon and lifted the lid off the box. A small gasp escaped her as she took in the contents. In the centre, nestled in red tissue paper, was a small, circular, wooden box engraved with the message, ‘Olivia Benson, Say Yule Be Mine’.

Her eyes widened as she took in the words. Ever since that day at the Christmas markets she’d been thinking about it, imagining it. Could it really be happening? With trembling fingers, she lifted the wooden box out of its larger casing and opened it. Upon seeing the vintage style ring, her hand flew to her mouth.

Rafael gently took the hand holding the box in his own. “Liv, I love you and being here, being a family with you and Noah has made me happier than I have ever been, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” He slid to the floor on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

“Rafa…” She swiped away the few tears that had escaped as her emotions overwhelmed her and were now slowly rolling down her cheeks.

“Before you answer, I should tell you, this is kind of Noah’s Christmas wish, so y’know…” He gave her that half smile, the one that was a unique mix of confidence and nerves. One that he only ever used with her.

Olivia couldn’t stop the small peel of laughter that bubbled in her throat. “Oh well in that case…” She joined him on the floor, lifting her free hand to his cheek. “Yes. Yes, of course, I’ll marry you. I was always going to say yes,” she smiled. “You didn’t need the emotional blackmail.” She leaned forward and captured his lips in a sweet kiss and Noah cheered.

Pulling back, Rafael reached for the ring and she held out her left hand. He placed the ring at the top of her fourth finger but paused before sliding it on. “This was my abuelita’s ring. I know it’s not exactly the latest fashion, so I’ll buy you a new one if you want but-”

“Don’t even think about it,” Olivia warned.

Rafael laughed, and finally slid the ring onto her finger, before pulling her in for another kiss.

Noah, who had bouncing up and down, launched himself at the pair of them, wrapping an arm around each of their necks. “What about the other gift, Dad?”

“Oh, yes.” He picked up the second package, wrapped in snowman paper, and read the tag. “Oh,” he feigned surprise, “it seems this one’s for you.” He held it out to him.

Noah tore off the paper to reveal a manila envelope. His brow furrowed, but he opened the flap, sliding out some papers. They contained a lot of writing which Noah didn’t really understand, but he sounded out the words in bold print at the top.

“Petition for Adoption,” he read. His eyes scanned the page and he spotted a few familiar words. “Hey, that’s my name.” He looked up at Rafael.

“It is.” He pulled Noah into his side. “If your mom and I sign these papers, it means that I become your Dad, officially and you’ll be Noah Porter Barba.”

Noah’s eyes widened, and he looked from Rafael to the papers and then to Olivia. “Santa did it! He brought what I asked for!”

Rafael looked over at Olivia. “I know I should probably have talked to you about this before but-”

Olivia quietened him with a finger to his lips. “No, this… this is perfect.” Once, she may have been annoyed with him for being so presumptuous, but he was already Noah’s father in every way but legally. She knew they were heading towards this, and Olivia found she didn’t mind one bit that he’d taken it upon himself to arrange this. She reached for the gold pen she had bought Rafael for Christmas to replace the one that had been lost back in February when he’d packed up his office at 1 Hogan Place. Taking it out of its box she handed it to him. “Seems fitting that this is the first thing you sign with it.”

He took the pen from her and spread the forms out on the coffee table. His hand hovered over the papers. “You sure?” he asked Olivia.

“I’ve never been surer of anything.”

“Noah? What about you? Is this still what you want?”

He nodded. “Yes. Please, Dad.”

With a flourish of the pen, Rafael signed the form in all the required places. He passed the pen over to Olivia. Their fingers brushed as she took it from him. A few moments later the form was complete. Their journey to becoming ‘The Barbas’ was underway.

She secured the lid on the pen and placed it back in its box and joined Rafael and Noah, who had returned to the couch. Rafael lifted his arm and Olivia snuggled into his side. As Noah pressed play, Olivia realised she had been wrong before, their first Christmas together could be be more perfect. And it had been. She couldn’t wait to see what next year would bring.

#barson #olivia benson #rafael barba #& secret santa exchange #secret santa exchange 2018 #from theoofoof #gift 1 of 1 #to r-o-s-e-h-i-p-s #submission

12 notes · View notes