#maybe ill be online by then but who knows im just... empty

[bobatelevision]

i had to put my sweet baby down yesterday...

on thursday morning he was fine, eating and drinking fine. nothing out of the ordinary. thursday night he seems to have trouble breathing, he had discharge around his eyes, and kept making these pained noises I've never heard him make before. he had no appetite and wasnt drinking water. i bought some critical care to try force feeding him but he wasnt accepting it at all and tried to give him a mix of pedialyte + water to get him fluids and he accepted some but not a lot. i thought he maybe had some upper respiratory infection and maybe needed antibiotics, so i started calling some veterinarians in my area.

it was really late at night too so i called around and had such a hard time finding a vet to treat him bc most of the animal hospitals either:

-serviced guinea pigs

-their exotic vet wasnt in that night

-serviced guinea pigs but was closed

i was scared to even go to sleep that night bc his conditioned looked so bad, i didnt think he would even make it to the morning. but he managed to survive the night, so i called around again and was able to find a vet about 40 min away that could take him. we enter the hospital and they immediately take him in and i was in the waiting room. the doc comes out to talk to me to explain what was happening.

he had a stone in his bladder that was blocking his urethra and he couldn't urinate. bladder stones can be very life threatening bc if an animal cant pee, it can develop an infection (sepsis) and even get a heart attack. when she examined him, everytime she palpated his bladder he would be in pain, so they gave him a pain injection. they lead me into a room to explain what his treatment would consist of, and i was fucking shocked.

nearly $5k for his surgery and treatment, i couldn't fucking believe it. the worst part is there really was no plan b on his treatment that wasn't euthanasia. i felt so fucking sick, but i had to think on it more. i thought about maybe calling other animal hospitals but i already had a lot of trouble trying to find anyone to treat him at all, and even if there was a miracle situation where i could afford his treatment, it would not guarantee that he wouldnt fall ill again. on top of the fact that guinea pigs are really fragile creatures and dont have very long life spans. the procedure is incredibly invasive and could put so much stress on his little body. i didnt want him to be in more pain than he really was.

so i made the tough decision on putting him down, because i didn't want him to suffer any longer. i'm so heartbroken bc although i knew we would part ways one day, i didnt imagine it would be so soon. we spent past 3 years together, i adopted him mid pandemic bc being stuck in a different country from the rest of my family is incredibly isolating. i gave him so much love and spoiled him so much. he ate veggies & hay to his hearts content, would start cui-cuing at the sound of a bag being opened, he got to sleep in the largest and comfiest pet beds. he used to sleep on my nap while i gamed or watched shows. he was very skittish with people, except for me bc he knew i would give him the world. i'm feeling so defeated rn. i stayed with him til the very last moment, he was very sedated but soo cuddly in the last hour. the only thing to bring me peace of mind is knowing he was relaxed and in no pain in his final moments.

he doesn't know the amount of people that love him around the world, even as far as Australia. he had an impact on many people. all my irls and my online friends absolutely adored him. even my mom, who is deathly afraid of rodents, thought he was so cute and precious bc of how fluffy he is. his departure left a huge hole in my heart. when i got back home, i bursted into tears looking at his empty enclosure. im so used to him jumping around and getting quirked up when he hears me enter my room. i just cant believe i'll never get to see him, or hold him, or even feed him again.

Rest in Peace, my beloved Taro.

I love you so dearly, you may very little but you had a very huge heart.. and appetite. You will always be missed and I hope you are enjoying large quantities of lettuce in cui cui heaven.

#Taro mi cuyo #cuyos #guinea pigs #istina.txt #istina.vent

[girlwithfish]

emotionally and mentally im at my lowest. feel worthless and like id be better off **** i dont feel stable i have a week and a couple days til i start my php program which will probably save my life but until then i dont know if ill be okay. honestly. its the loneliest thing going thru smth like this and i self isolate a lot and then feel liek shit bc i cant keep up from online friendships and theres no one else in my irl who i can rely on so i ended up calljng my mother today bc of how emotionally unsafe and unstable i felt tonight. i dont know what to do. and then i feel fine and theres like a huge cognitive dissonance btwn how i was and how i am now. maybe a little emptiness to cope w the pain and then like an hour later im in despair again. so many emotional ups and downs and extremes the extremes are the hardest part. i dont know what i did to deserve this. and i dont know why its so hard. a lot of it is my fault. i really wish i could be a pretty girl, a well adjusted person, successful and useful. i just feel like trash. someone always suffering it gets so old i bet. idk

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: creepy behavior, lying, dissociation, grief, csa

I think I’m asking for a different perspective than my own and others but also advice/validation/vent because I think I’m a monster?

When I was a child I had unsupervised access to the internet which none of my family nor I understood the repercussions of and my family was very abusive/neglectful regardless so I sort of acted out my hyper sexuality and escapism from csa through a “fake” identity online for a few years until I realized the fake identity was also me being in the closet as a child??? (Maybe super confusing and gross I’m so sorry) It began when I was groomed online unknowingly several times so I felt disgusting as a child since nearly every encounter with a stranger online led to me being used sexually or them exposing themselves and leaving right after which scared me but I was used to it/craved it so I didn’t stop seeking the behavior until I began to catfish to feel “safe” online/avoid these encounters until I realized that was only hurting other people by lying to them and myself at the same time. Like starting fake relationships for attention not realizing the impact on the other person (usually older than me) which would spiral out of control since it was the only form of safe love I knew how to seek?

I feel super disgusting for this even after apologizing and revealing who I really was to the people I lied to and even meeting one of them which spiraled into a bad friendship because of my insecurity and shame also obvious untreated mental illness. Still I accept how I feel and sit with it because they’re consequences to my actions but as I grow older Ive realized I was just a child trying to ignore the abuse at home which repeated with any man I met and got close to yet I also repeated certain behaviors they left me with and now I just feel empty and ashamed of my existence and like I can’t or shouldn’t love anyone else despite extensive therapy and healing as a person I shut down and stay away from people

TLDR In the process of being hurt and not opening up or just straight dissociating from my traumas at home/school I hurt innocent people by feeding them fake fantasies/lies I could never fulfill but also falling in love with these people myself and grieving connections that were never real to begin with. It started when I was 13ish on and off till 18 but I was being groomed around 10-11 which still doesn’t excuse any of it.

Im not sure if this is something I should keep secret or tell every partner I’m with or new friend because I feel like punishing myself and seeking ridicule for this almost trauma I created, although that’s exactly what I was doing anyways by lying to others just self harm in an extremely defective manner, any advice would help whether I deserve it or not I was just a child but I feel like a monster for all of it and I probably am cause I feel like I turned into my abusers almost

Hey anon,

You are not a monster. I am so sorry that you think that you are. You are not disgusting. If you can, please say this out loud to yourself.

You are not alone in your experiences. So many people were given unsupervised access to the internet as children because their caregivers didn't understand it and/or due to abuse and neglect. You are also not alone in having created fake identities online, nor in what you've experienced with strangers online. It's unfortunately something many have gone through. It's not your fault, okay? I want that to be clear. You were doing the best you could with what you had and you were not dealt a fair hand. You deserve empathy and compassion, not self-blame. Even if you knew it was unhealthy and harmful and still continued to do it. Please know that you are not disgusting for this or anything else.

You do not deserve to feel this way. You don't have to punish yourself for your past mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Every single person. And they are not unworthy or forgiveness, so neither are you. Forgive yourself. You are right, you were just a child trying to cope.

You were abused, you coped best you could, and then had to cope again with more traumatic experiences. Have self-compassion. Disgust and shame are incredibly strong emotions. They can greatly impact how we see ourselves.

You deserve to love and be loved. You are capable of working through your attachment issues and get to a place where you can be open and honest with people you love.

You don't have to keep all of this a secret, and you don't have to tell every partner or new friend. What you share, how much you share, and when you share it is up to you. A general rule is that if you feel close to someone and trust them, and want to share these things with them, do it. If you feel pressured to share, don't feel safe, or don't want to tell them, don't. You are allowed to share your story and you don't have to.

You don't have to punish yourself. You are not deserving of punishment. You did not deserve any of the abuse you endured. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and compassion. You are worthy of love, honesty, and care, I promise you.

You are not your abuser. Repeat that to yourself out loud. You are you. You are a strong, resilient, wonderful person who is trying their best in an unfair situation.

Take care.

-Misa

#trauma talks #mod misa #tw csa #tw abuse #tw online abuse #tw child abuse

[heptasepta]

trans day of visibility and other thoughts

i have mixed feelings about this because i really dont know if im trans (nb) or not (cis guy). this isnt actually the first time ive questioned my gender, since i presented as a trans woman during 2020-2021 during covid. basically ive kinda liked the idea of being a girl for a while but certain circumstances made me untrans myself.

the first thing was that i was lazy and didnt want to go through the hoops that was mtf transitioning. also the thought of going out in public as a trans girl was scary but at home it was fine. i know this sounds cowardly but i just didnt really want to deal with that kind of crap so i just didnt. the second and arguably the more important one is that i think i falsely attributed the source of my unhappiness with being a cis guy and not the lack of a strong support circle and zero intimacy with people close to me.

while I do have friends, both online and irl (these days i talk more to irl friends) i still feel somewhat empty as well. not to mention the friends i made years ago dont really keep in contact with me. i try to reach out sometimes and we talk about whatevers been going on but after that its not much else. then they move on, only talking to me when i initiate something to them. i know this is also my fault too because i sometimes dont reach out to talk but it actually really sucks when youre too socially anxious both online and irl so any attempt at socializing comes across as desperate or inexperienced (with how to talk online) like genuinely i feel like im still stuck in 2021 despite the covid lockdowns being over years ago. i also never share anything about myself, not to my family, or people online. because of this i dont really know who i am and its been like this for years now.

i have doodles and papers and text documents full of ideas but i never share them because theyre always in a state of incompleteness and i dont want people to see what my work "couldve" looked like rather than what it actually looks like, without any proof that there existed earlier versions that id rather not talk about since i believe it shows a its imperfection which i know is a stupid thing to believe but at this point i dont really know. hopefully someday ill get it out there but for now, no.

also theres the fact that i really want to make stuff again but i havent, which i keep blaming on being in school but i think its just an excuse for me to keep doing this rigorous anime and video game consumption. i made myself basically a schedule for watching anime and playing video games that i follow diligently. the video game schedule isnt as strict but idk i feel like the past 5 years ive done nothing but watch content or whatever and not creating anything. i keep telling myself that once i "catch up" to enough shows/movies/games/whatever but its just an endless cycle at this point, also considering how slow i watch things, usually one episode a day is all i can tolerate so i dont know why i keep doing this. or maybe im lazy/depressed idk???

i dont really know what the future holds, i just hope i can get out of whatever this is.

[manie-sans-delire-x]

i've been diagnosed with ptsd, bpd, npd, and a few other irrelevant mental illnesses, and i basically feel pretty much no empathy for "normal"/well-off people but extreme empathy for people like me (abuse victims, the mentally ill, impoverished people etc.) i'm about to start work as a suicide line crisis worker and i was just wondering, do you happen to have any advice for not getting overwhelmed while listening to the horrible things people go through? i know suicide lines are not really that great and i have been made to feel even worse by calling lines before by some rude employees in the past, but i honestly desperately need this job and im hoping i might be able to make a tiny bit of difference by not being cruel to people calling in.

Hmm well working with traumatized people while being traumatized yourself is definitely never easy. I think its great that you're already thinking ahead though, both of potential issues for yourself and how you can work around them and how to better help your clients. That shows you really care and want to do well at this job.

I think the best thing you can do is ask your coworkers. They have direct experience and could prob give you better tips than I can. And hopefully you've been trained lol

But aside from that, I think most of the time ppl who call just want someone to listen to them and be nonjudgmental and compassionate. Dont try to fix all their problems or feel its your job to come up with solutions to all their issues, thats sadly impossible. Just let them rant, let them know you're still there listening. Practice active listening- saying occasional affirmations like "uh huh" "mm" while they talk, asking some prompting questions if they pause or dont know what to say, and rephrasing what they say back to you so they know you're paying attention and understanding- "So let me make sure I understand correctly..." "So to recap..." "So you feel x y z because x y z, do I have that right?"

You can learn online about active listening skills and interviewing techniques.

Remember that the WAY you say things matters just as much as WHAT you say. Half of it is just people wanting to hear a kind voice on the other end of the line.

If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed and starting to snap at people or be mean, ask to step away and take a breather outside for 5 minutes or something. I know your job might not allow that, but if you can. Maybe keep some calming hot tea or stress ball with you, if you're allowed to? Or keep a sticky note of some helpful quotes or a plushie or pictures or other comfort items on your desk? Please take care of your mental health too, and if it really starts to wear on you, consider different jobs- you cant pour to others from an empty cup. Working out after work can also help to get the stress and tension out, or maybe yoga or a hot bath. Whatever works for you and helps you leave work at work (not easy I know).

Good luck! Thanks for working in the mental health field. (If you get benefits, going to see a therapist is great extra support too, if youre not already)

#asks

[lambshackleglory]

ok. have started attempting to play again. aiming towards daily practice and slowly working up to something like. usable LOLLL im starting with ukelele since i have zero experience and i feel like an acoustic instrument should be what i focus on first since most folkpunk bands are set up as Vocals. Acoustics [guitar or ukelele]. Percussion [washboard more often then proper drums]. And Specialty [dependent on the band but often times violin or trumpet. rare cases bell set.] with various other instruments simply being added as the band grows and having who can be available etc etc

so ukelele is best to learn rn and maybe later transition into a guitar. the hope would to have someone else be the main player for that so i could focus on various other random instruments < as i prefer to. but its better than not for me knowing that.

also ! decided to join my schools band and learn how to play trumpet on the side. which is ALSO a good skill to have and i would hope to be a major playing instrument. and as i said earlier - its often trumpet or violin. when practicing songs i wonder if i could substitute violin [which i WANTED to learn but my school doesnt have an orchestra :(] with trumpet instead.

as well. i want to practice how to sing but obv no place to do so - i think when i turn 18 and i can get my license ill just drive into an empty field and start practicing cause i get embarrassed otherwise. the idea of being perceived is too much for me

BUT yea. ukelele is going moderately well ! obv my first day so theres not much to strive for yet except sounding. not horrible. but following an online thing for a while - beginner stuff - and then in about 50 days ill see where im at ^_^

#and also obv starting school soon. #this is going to be fun ! musical journey ! right from the beginning. lol. honestly even if i never end up writing my own music i just want #to be able to cover some stuff :)

[frecklystars]

So WHY should you keep G O I N G ? Til you run off the road . . . And C R A S H in parts UNKNOWN-!!

#my gifs #nick blaemire #blaemire blogging #vent #hi. im not online im just. queueing this because im still not doing good mentally #im sorry u gotta deal with me being Like This for one more week #maybe ill be online by then but who knows im just... empty

[calllamander]

Okay I'm ready I've made up my mind , here's a little backstory no one wants to hear: my sister just got engaged and I cried for about half an hour because I was so freakin happy for her sooo I'm in such a lovely mood , maybe you can pick that up and write a little engagement thingy ? :) idc if it's drabble hcs or else , whatever works best for you sweetie 😊 also you can pick the character ...... but we both know who works always for us lmao

Thank you so muuuch and take all the time you need ! 💖

ahhhh! this is so sweet! nonnie congrats to your sister!! when I got this ask I literally started smiling so wide in my online class that everyone was really confused 😂 I hope this is alright...and plausible haha I’ve never been proposed to (hurry up Tooru smh) - sorry for the wait, this is my piece de résistance and I wanted it to be as good as it could be ❣️

Hq boys proposing

KUROO smiled at you from the passenger seat, your hand in his as usual as you drove, Tokyo fading into the patchwork fields of country. “tetsu...” you ask, laughing as the wind tangled you’re hair, “where are we going?” it seemed almost as if he had been waiting for you to ask because he suddenly looked nervous, very nervous, the kind of nervous where he accidentally blurts out chemistry pick up lines on the first date (it’s a miracle he got a second one). he looked over, emboldened by your easy enthusiasm. “do you remember when we were still in high school, and you used to call me and just say ‘get me out of here?’ ” his voice is low and serious, and impossibly gentle with emotion. you nod, and your smile gets sadder at the memory, the memory of you. “well,” he stops the car and opens up his door, hurrying round to do the same for yours, composing his thoughts as you start the walk, down the path off the road, along the river, and he feels a flush of pride as recognition illuminates your face. it’s a perfect evening, the sky is watercolour pink and orange, and the water reflects it perfectly. “we found this place by chance” he continued speaking faster from nerves, “and when we walked down this- this exact path, i knew that this was different from anything else. my whole life I have had a good life, and I had been with good people and yet I‘d just felt...” he paused, and looked you right int he eyes, before sighing out: “restless.” your mouth opens slightly and you whisper his name. “And you know when I’m with you I just feel still” he continues, starting to blink back tears. “and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything y/n l/n, and” he got down on one knee: in front of the setting sun, and the river refracting the light. and he did look still. he looked radiant and relaxed and so so happy. and you covered your face with your hands but stopped yourself because you didn’t want to miss any of this. “and this is my moms ring” he said, “and i wish she could’ve met you but I know she would have“ his voice cracked and he looked away for a split second, swallowing hard, “would have loved you almost as much as I do.” he grinned in spite of himself and you smiled too, even through your tears. “so,” he laughed, “after all this, I guess ill just....” he laughed again, messing his hair up agitatedly, “will you marry me?”

“yes!” you laugh and run towards him, “a thousand times yes!”

OIKAWA looked himself over once more in the mirror, he’d tried hard to look like he’s trying but also casual which makes him feel kind of stupid but that paradox of appearances and feelings is just how he’s wired. casual. not I’ve-been-planning-this-for-forever-and-if-it-goes-badly-i-don’t-have-the-faintest-idea-what-I’d-do. that’s not what he wants. it needs to be a total surprise. the rings already in his breast pocket, right above his heart. the ring feels like happiness. “princess?” he spins and offers you his arm, “ready?” And when he’s sees you he blushes down neck like when its genuine, because you look beautiful in that dress, and he might be getting a little bit choked up, and ducking down to hide it. because...because it’s you, because he’s actually doing this. with you. actually. finally. “lets go then” you laugh and he laughs back with a determination usually reserved for the court. because this is everything. the drive is a short one and the night air is cold against your cheek, the streetlights make oikawa’s hair a coppery halo round his head and the wind fluffs it up in a way he gets frustrated about but you could stare at all day. “i love you ” you sigh, looking over at your boyfriend, and he blushes and stutters and tries to focus on the road. “I love you too darling” and he gives you the gentlest smile that he‘s ever shared with anyone “te amo, mi alma.” he parks and takes your hand. the observatory is empty: long closed, and your heels clack on the tiled floor. the stairs are steep, but the two of you are young and you‘re boundless because that’s what love does to people. in no time at all you step out, into the round room that forms the top floor, and gasp. there’s candles set in the corners and there’s flowers and there’s your boyfriend looking utterly ethereal, his white shirt a buttery yellow in the candle light. and you feel your heart just ache with how much you love him. he presses a button, and, as the roof starts to open up like a flower, he takes a deep breath. “when I was younger every time I felt lonely I used to think about space” sliver by sliver the roof was opening up, and you could see a glass dome, snatches of stars, pinpricks of light. torus voice was gentle, and fragile, and proud and horrifically insecure and somehow everything because it was him. “theres more out there“ He glanceable up at the sky unfolding, “than we can ever comprehend...I liked it. I liked that it was infinite. i liked that I belonged to something that was chaotic and orderly and empty and full” he swallowed hard. “and then there was you. and you were the best person I had ever met. and I thought that maybe I would have to be something else for you, because i’ve felt like that my whole life. but you - you just...made me feel like I belonged. and I didn’t need the night sky anymore because this,” the roof finally opened all the way and for one perfect moment it was just you, tooru and the universe: the heaviness of him, and the lightness too. “this is infinite.” he dropped down on one knee. “y/n l/n I love you with everything in the solar system and I will until every last star is blown out, and a thousand years more. and this isn’t horrifically corny so I’m going to just ask: will you marry me?” You let out a sob

“yes”

SAKUSA leant into your touch the way he never had for anyone else. like a warmth he never knew was missing, a tiny puzzle piece in his soul. your hand was running through his hair, occasionally creeping down to rub his back. he blushes, because irritatingly he can’t stop himself (but does he wean them to?). you‘re off guard now, relaxed, eyes closed, breathing in the night air from the roof of your apartment block. his face is in your neck and it’s all very peaceful (so peaceful it makes his heart hurt). he takes a deep breath (its now or never). “...hey y/n?” you hum, opening your eyes to show you’re listening. he struggles to think of what to say. “i love you” he settles on. you kiss his hair, “I love you too omi.” you say it like it’s obvious and he shakes his head, sitting up a little more so he can look at you. “no, I mean...I- I didn‘t know what love was. and I didn’t realise how badly I wanted it, until I met you. and I just” he exhales, momentarily turning his head up to stare into the sky. “I want to spend forever with you. that. that’s what I want. and I don’t have a ring, or a dramatic plan and maybe that’s what you would have wanted-” he’s looking down now, he knows, getting nervous, and he forces himself to get back on track. “but” He realises he should be kneeling and goes to do so in front of you. “I would be the happiest man alive if you would marry me.” and there, on a camp bed that he dragged onto the roof and covered with bedding just because you mentioned you liked the night, under the cloudy 11 o clock sky with the love of your life. you said yes.

@anonanonymousanon

#kuroo testuro #kuroo scenarios #kuroo x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! #hq kuroo #kuroo tetsuro x you #the place kuroo proposes is actually a real place haha #But it’s in England not japan #wedding #proposal #oikawa x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa tōru #oikawa imagine #haikyuu oikawa #sakusa x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x y/n #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa comfort

[oriigirii]

Streamer MC headcannons with the brothers 💞

"You were quite a known face on social media back in the human realm, playing games, doing unboxings, just vibin in general, fans around the globe looked forward to your streams a lot! However, considering the sudden (unannounced) invitation to the exchange program, you had to leave all of that behind out of the blue. It wasn't as bad at first, but you have to admit you do miss the feeling of being able to do goofy shit online. Luckily for you, with the advance technology of Devildom and some spicy magic, the internet had synced with the human realm, and thats when you decided to finally re-enter the streaming scene. How will the brothers react upon seeing your peculiar past time?"

Head empty, No thoughts aside from the brothers just bothering the MC while they stream so here you go haha

Warnings: None, just crackhead energy and a lotta mispellings

Gender: Neutral!

Hotel: Trivago

* [ ಠ╭╮ಠ ] Lucifer *

{How did he know about your career?}

I honestly don't see him as someone who goes on the internet a lot

(He screams boomer to me, change my mind)

He doesn't have the time either, he's too focused on work!

So him finding out is gonna take a while

But! He did find out the hard way when shrilled screaming was heard from your room when he was passing by with some paper stacks in his arms (courtesy of Diavolo)

This man felt his instincts kick in, he ran as fast as he could, papers forgotten, and he immediately slammed your door open. Splinters scattering around, your door definitely damaged, as his eyes held a glare and his demon form was out, wings spread in a threatening display.

He was ready to beat someone's ass as he had thought someone had hurt you in here.

But all hes met with is you, infront of your chair and PC, and a game over on the screen...

To say he was unamused was an understatement cause you just lost your internet priviliges for giving him a heart attack (He said it was because you were being rowdy and noisy but with what you saw you knew that wasn't the case)

Good luck tryna puppy-eye your way to his heart to let you continue streaming lol.

If by some miracle you managed to wriggle your rights back from his hands, he'd warn you not to be so loud next time.

You already learnt your lesson though~ (Hopefully)

{How does he feel about your streams?}

Not everyone's the same, so if you were the shy soft streamer who does more art streams or something akin to a podcast, you can bet that Lucifer will be putting you on while he works, he kinda knows your streaming schedule at this point and if you were running late, he'd force one of his brothers to take over your dish washing duties or any chores you were stuck with

If you were the loud obnoxious meme type, hed still try to watch out of curiosity, and as much as he appreciates that you were getting comfortable here in Devildom with how you laugh and joke around, he still can't approve of it. Its too loud, its much like his brothers energy and he has enough of that already, so he probably doesn't watch as much.

He has countlessly came to your room to shush you and at this point your fans had made a compilation of each time Lucifer had barged in to tell you off

Look he likes it when you scream, but not when hes in the middle of work okay--

At this point, chat has deemed Lucifer as dad and you as their mom/dad.

If he ever catches wind of this he'd definitely be teasing you in private for centuries to come.

Overall fine with it, as long as don't do something stupid on stream.

* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Mammon*

{How did he know about your career?}

I would say he found out by him crashing into your streams midway but that's too predictable, hence why you've Mammon-proofed your bedroom during streaming hours!

Thanks to our wizard daddy, you have managed to cast a simple lock spell on your door and as well as a sound proofing

You love your broke idiot, but you did wanna keep the tone of your stream today a bit more chill, you wanted to have a proper Q&A with your fans to hopefully clear any bad vibes around your 3 month disappearance.

When Mammon has learnt your door was locked he definitely was a bit pissy, he knocked on your door loudly even and was calling out for you to let him in, but to no avail.

Bro he's scared.

He usually was allowed to enter, and you usually answered if you did need to be left alone for a bit, so just leaving him hanging got his mind racing and he had to press up his ear on the wooden door to try and hear if you were okay

When this continues on he finally resorts to getting help, but the only one in the house ws Levi, so he kicks down HIS door.

Levi boutta summon Lotan for interrupting him honestly

But as Mammon exclaim you weren't answering and he worried for your wellbeing, Levi rolls his eyes and scoffs,

"Idiot Mammon, they're streaming don't bother them…"

Streaming? why didn't you tell him???

Rude much.

He did huff and now was forcing his way to use Levi's PC for a moment

Can Levi stop him?

Nah.

He was busy on his console, and if he stood up now hed be breaking his world record so he was at a terrible state so he just resorts to threats of him drowning the Avatar of Greed if he does anything stupid on his PC.

He immediately logs in to your streaming platform and he watches for a bit,

You were more dolled up now just to look decent on stream, and he felt this jealousy rise as you interact with your chat, especially to those saying I love you's and stuff, and you even said it back? the audacity! You were his werent you? Were you replacing him with these nobodies?

He huffs as he realized that those who paid got their message highlighted, and thus, he starts donating. (Mind you this was Levi's account...)

"Mcccccc Open the dooorrr"

"Ill behave i promiseeeee"

"Cmon pleaseeee?"

Chat is c o n f u s i o n

NGL, they thought Mammon was a creepy stalker and red flags were being waved everywhere

but as chat was pondering who the hell he was, you can only sigh and look at the camera with that unamused expression, but ugh! you just KNOW hes doing that kicked puppy expression of his, and maybe it really wont be so bad

So you snap your fingers and say, "Okay MonMon, its open, Im giving you 3 seconds"

Mammon wasnt deemed to be the fastest out of his brothers for nothing

As soon as you got to '2', you were already tackled by the white haired male and chat went wild.

Now that you've shown your life in Devildom, maybe its time to introduce chat to your boyfriend no?

{How does he feel about your streams?}

You get paid to sit infront of a camera, do I have to say anything else?

But really though, as much as he enjoys the thought of getting so much cash from something so simple, he prefers the joy of being able to proudly exclaim that he was your first man!

ohhhh he thrives on the salt of your overly attached stans

but for those who fully support you, he always feels so mushy and shy when they say the ship you guys so hard

The fanarts has him WEAK (he may or may not have saved a few)

You usually do streams alone, but now you've allowed the door to be left open to let Mammon join whenever

Chat pogs when he enters with so much confidence, only for it to crumble when you kiss his cheek on stream.

Overall finds it fun to spend time with you, but just dont play scary games cause Lucifer might hang him upside down on stream.

* ▘▂▝ Leviathan*

{How did he know about your career?}

He is honestly the most attached to his D.D.D and he catches wind of almost anything going down in the internet, so your 'revival' being hyped up was something he definitely saw and he was just s wo o o ned

His Henry 2.0? a famous streamer?

Were you truly a blessing gifted upon him or was he dreaming?

He definitely didn't bring it up at first as he didn't wanna make it a big deal, but you notice hes been more in his head lately, and you have tried asking him what it was but to no avail.

You have to corner this little snake if you want answers and he eventually admits that he knew of your persona online and was incredibly shy to ask you to stream with him

He's a streamer himself afterall but maybe he doesnt stream as much as you do nor does he have as large of a following, so his intrusive thoughts attacked him and made him think that maybe since he wasnt as famous he didnt deserve to be in the same stream as you

Please tell him to join you and gib him kiss U3U

He'll absolutely m e l t

But now, as you make the announcement to your viewers and Levi to his, the internet explodes as a special collab stream was hapening between the expert gamer and avatar of envy of Devildom along with the beloved exchange student and streamer of the human realm

Your usual viewers reach between 10-15k, but as you start stream, that number boosts higher and beyond

Before streaming though, Levi was incredibly nervous, he'd picked the games for you to play that he knew you would enjoy with him, but his mind kept racing about whatthe fans thought, he didnt wanna disappoint them

But you had to remind him that whatever they say will not matter in the end as this was merely for fun, this was YOUR stream and you guys were gonna do what you want and nobody can have a say on it. (Maybe except Lucifer)

You usually talk for him with your bubbly personality, and to calm his nerves, he hs your pinky wraped around his where the camera can't see it.

Regardless, his thoughts subsided as you two delve into your stream that lasted a solid 7 hours, you definitely promised your chat that you and Levi will be doing more streams together from now on.

Once the cameras cut and yall are left alone, Both of you collapse on bed, and despite you being asleep already, Levi was just far too giddy as everything dwells on him.

Having a player 2 by his side now had never felt so intoxicating and he as just so lucky to have you.

{How does he feel about your streams?}

He obviously adores it, although some streams he wouldnt join just so he can play games on his own

He's still an introvert afterall, he needs his alone time

But he prefers that alone time with you, his Henry.

So when youre about to go stream, he kinda becomes a bit pouty, but with a simple promise of kisses (and maybe even more if youd like) he would let you go, but his attention would disappear from his game altogether.

He might just end up watching you instead

May or may not, at some point, just chat you and ask if its too late to join you

You do allow him to join you and play from the comforts of his room as both of you can simply play via internet, you give him the comfort to not turn on his mic or webcam either and you have no idea how he appreciates that.

Will definitely fight someone online when they start claiming you as theirs (-cough- stans) Please make sure it doesnt escalate to him summoning Lotan

Although the comments would often get to him, and as much as he can fight them online, he still does find himself pondering if they were true, so you need to give him a lotta lovin and reminder that he is your player 1 and no one else can ever fill that place.

------

Wow 3 brothers this time, what an improvement, anyways hope yall enjoy! I think its pretty clear who I simp for depending o nthe length of each lol, but do let me know if you guys want a part 2 for the rest of the brothers, or even the undateables!

#Obey me #obey me fanfics #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me Mammon x reader #obey me Lucifer x reader #Obey me Leviathan x reader #obey me headcannons #obey me shall we date

[om-headcanon]

Hi!! For the ✨sad✨ headcanons, how would the demon brothers cope with/take care of an MC with BPD? It's a really difficult for some people to take care of due to the crises and intense mood swings we go through. Have a lovely day/evening 💕

hi hi hi! im excited to receive my first request!! ^^ to be quite honest im not //super familiar with bpd so i dont know the depths of it, but i made sure to do some more research before hand and i hope i did well!! (if not just lmk and ill fix anything!) i hope youre having a lovely day/evening as well :D

lucifer:

when he went through your file before you arrived, he saw that you had bpd

he went to barbatos to ask if he knew anything about the disorder, and he gave him a brief synopsis of what bpd was

he wants nothing more than to be a good host and tries his best to understand

lucys too prideful to ask questions to you directly, but that doesnt mean he doesnt care!

he finds as many books as he can about human mental disorders and reads up in his free time

every day he asks you if youre alright with little to no explanation why hes asking

if he happens to catch you during one of your mood swings, he doesnt say much but just stays by your side

if he has work to do he will bring it into the room youre in so he can work by your side

(if he doesnt have work he will literally just sit next to you or climb into your bed with you)

mammon:

hes never been too vocal about how he feels about you, but then once he hears about your fear of abandonment, he constantly reiterates hes never going anywhere

(maybe too much)

all eight of you can be eating dinner and he will just recite an entire monologue about how thankful he is to have you around

and everyone else would agree of course

if the others didnt know about your bpd, they may wonder why he does this

but regardless they all join in and share things they love about you

to say hes clingy is an understatement... but he also wants you to know if you ever feel like hes around too much he will leave you alone

he just really wants to help in any way he can and he never wants to hurt you nor have you think for a second he doesnt love and care about you

leviathan:

the moment he finds out, he takes some time to do research himself

immediately after he realises you prefer to not be alone, he never leaves your side

to be honest, he hates being alone too but he is also pretty anxious when it comes to asking people to hang out with him!

but its different with you!

hes always right beside you when your mood swings cause you to feel extremely low

he doesnt know exactly what to say and he may ask lucy what he would do when someone he cares about is feeling sad

lucifer tells him the best thing you can do is be by their side and levi does exactly that

sometimes he will even go as far as offering to leave the house and get you ice cream just to show he cares

satan:

of course he has read up on this before, but still continues to ask you questions as hes never met anyone with bpd and wants to be as understanding as possible

while he has periods of intense anger, he realises that you also experience mood swings, so he tries to be more aware of his anger

he really doesnt want to counter your anger with his own as he realises that might be counterproductive

he read something online once about how pets can help with bpd

when lucifer said no to getting a cat, he decided that he would take you to a cat cafe!

...every single time youre upset!

if youre allergic he will just pout about it but then make you watch cat videos on the couch while he cuddles with you

asmodeus:

as much as he would love to be around you all the time, he still wants to give you your space

but the moment he hears that a common symptom of bpd is fearing abandonment, he fears that him being away from you made you think he doesnt like being with you

similarly to mammon, he counters this by staying around you more

he does research on his own as well to make sure he understands you to the best he can

but mostly, asmo very much acknowledges the importance of communication

unlike most of his brothers who would be too prideful or embarassed to ask, asmo asks you directly how he can support you the best

if you want the others to know but dont feel like telling them personally, asmo will relay the information!

he acknowledges that up until this point, your life may have been extremely difficult because of your bpd and now all he wants to do is make your life easier

beelzebub:

he honestly doesnt understand at first!

when he sees you have your first mood swing he just assumes youre really hungry

he immediately heads to the kitchen and works to make your favorite food

asmo comes in and explains what bpd is, and explains youre not just acting out due to hunger

beel is kinda upset with himself that he didnt know about this and he wishes he knew so he couldve understood you better

he still brings you the food of course

but then he decides to sit with you as maybe what you need the most at that time is for someone to stay by your side

he offers you hugs but isnt offended if you say no

when youre feeling back to yourself again you try to apologize but he tells you that theres nothing to worry about and hes always here for you

belphegor:

firm believer of ~sleep is the best medicine~

when he notices your first mood swing he suggests that you should just take a nap

once you wake up and he notices youre not that different, he decides to ask some questions

after you say that you have bpd, hes very curious has a lot of questions

hes never met anyone with bpd so he inquires how does it affect your day to day life and what exactly is it?

you tell him a few of the common symptoms like the mood swings, the feelings of emptiness, and the fear of abandonment

he apologizes if anything he has done was insensitive or if he hurt you in any way

he often asks if theres anything he can do to make you feel better whenever you seem even a little different

hes not the best with comforting you with words so on nights youre at your lowest, he invites you to watch the stars with him so that you arent alone

(sorry this took so long i took all day writing this :0 do tell me how i did! if you believe anything was worded poorly or incorrect do let me know! ^^)

#obey me #obey me headcanon #mammon headcanon #levi headcanon #satan headcanon #lucy headcanon #belphie headcanon #asmo headcanon #beel headcanon

[muwur]

haikyuu x otome: masterlist |  prologue

» synopsis:  a haikyuu x reader au where you, the player, are bound for university in a metropolis several hours away from home. hope and excitement are replaced with dread as you come to realize that juggling life as a student and a part-time employee takes a toll. from demanding classes to a ruthless manager, life just can’t seem to give you a break. that is, until you meet a certain someone who reminds you how to live and follow your dreams. somehow, when you’re with them, time stands still. maybe things are finally starting to look up. if only you could stay in those moments for just a little longer. 

» disclaimer: i do not own haikyuu or any of the pixels in this post (i simply made collages out of them)

edit: it’s been brought to my attention that another HQ writer may have written something similar to this idea in the past and I was unaware. Though I haven’t seen this particular type of thing written yet, I don’t mean to claim this event idea as my own bc I feel a lot of events that ppl put up may have some overlapping themes n such (tho this idea would def be more specific and be cause for concern of plagiarism) and bc I would never want to steal ideas/not ask other writers first/not credit other writers (that’s not cool fam). If you have any issues with this event, pls bring them up w me, and if you know any other writers who’ve done smth similar, pls share w me their URLs! thank u for ur understanding :) I hope u can still enjoy haikyuu x otome :’)

» how to play:

I. you can refer here for the general rules of my blog. also, for this event (and it’ll say in the descriptions below), i’m only accepting one character per request. also the word count limits i wrote here may change as im getting started on actually writing requests lol

II. essentially a collection of x reader one-shots, drabbles, and smaus in which you are a busy college student whose only break seems to be spending time with friends who actually get you or the 15-minute lunch break during which you get to ignore annoying customers

III. since this is otome-inspired, i have several options you can choose from. these options are essentially types of requests:

» everyday is a new start 

» drabble about how you meet the character of your choice  

» it is not guaranteed y’all are gonna gel (get along) when you first meet,, warning: if the character is usually a bitch, i may write them as one LMAO jkjk but fr

» usually light, fluffy, and/or silly

» hmm tbh,,, idk word count,,, probs anywhere between 700-1k words (i edited this word count after writing my first thing bc HNNN)

» the only characters you can’t request this for is yamaguchi, tsukki n hinata,,, bc you meet them in the prologue AHAHA sry it’s nothing too spaicy since it’s just in the intro

» it’s all in the little things

» one-shots about normal, daily interactions with the character of your choice

» in other words, these include what can go on in a day in the life of y/n and the character of your choice (after they’ve already met). in the city, the possibilities are endless

» give me a word (or several, cuz writing is hard lmao. also legit any word, like ‘orange’ or ‘nostalgia.’ i may choose only one or do a combination from your list :3) as a prompt and ill somehow make something of it lmao

» medium relationship development + exp

» 700-1.5k words

» hmmm what should i get today?

» very short drabble with a character of your choice about various scenarios and thots i have in my head

» a complete surprise, totally random, may have no context

» may be serious, fluff, crack, etc. 

» if u choose this u basically told me ‘surprise me’

» 100-300 words, depends on my mood

» when i see your name pop up on the screen, i can’t help but smile 

» short smau with a character of your choice 

» fluff or crack, ur choice or leave that up to me (if unspecified, ill just flip a coin)

» you can either give me a word(s) as a guide or leave the topic of convo up to me

» 2-4 panels

» you’d be surprised how much can happen in a day 

» BMO has nothing to do with this, i just found a cute pixel of him

» spaicy relationship development, the scenes in which you actually make progress in the game

» one-shot with a character of your choice

» order from the following:

» macaron: when they realize they’ve fallen for you

» banana bread: when you realize you’ve fallen for them

» iced americano: when they feel a tinge of jealousy 

» hot chocolate: when they see you crying  

» matcha latte: when they have a longing to be around you

» cupcake: love confession (may be intentional or accidental)

» major relationship development + exp + sometimes confusion

» 1-2k words

» these will probs take me longer

» all good things must come to an end

»  not as angsty as those bolded words above sound,,, unless you want it to be >:)

» drabble or one-shot with a character of your choice. the final interaction before finishing the game

» you have three options: good end (fluffy, romantic & the like), bad end (angst), or crack end (surprise)

» word count will be super variable, from 300-1.5k words

IV. this forces me to write one-shots, drabbles, anything but hc’s, and also forces me to limit my word count. that said, this will take me a hot minute, y’all. word counts may change too bc i am,,, indecisive n untalented AHAHA

V. search for ‘haikyuu x otome,’ ‘haikyuu x otome special,’ ‘haikyuu x reader otome’ tags! i will tag each work under these c:

got it? have a request for me? send me an ask or submission! 

request example: ‘start new game with akaashi’ or ‘love challenge with yachi in the empty lecture hall at night’ or ‘continue story with noya. words: tired, mangoes, music’ 

feel free to ask me if ur confused about anything and have questions! thank you so much for reading <3 im excited for this heh

inspired by recent haikyuu otome teasers i keep seeing online and the fact that i dropped my summer class and am taking on personal projects (like painting my room LMAO i gotta manifest my inner buff daddee ushi to move shit in my room bc i kid u not everything is rlly heavy in here. and i also delved back into otomes on my phone,, does anyone else play midnight cinderella or mr love LOL talk 2 me)

haikyuu x otome masterlist

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #kuroo x reader #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #sugawara x reader #hinata x reader #kageyama x reader #bokuto x reader #akaashi x reader #daichi x reader #asahi x reader #nishinoya x reader #tanaka x reader #yaku x reader #ushijima x reader #tendou x reader #osamu x reader #tsukishima x reader #yamaguchi x reader #atsumu x reader #futakuchi x reader #iwaizumi x reader #yachi x reader #kiyoko x reader #ukai x reader #haikyuu x otome #haikyuu x otome special #haikyuu x reader otome

[dayseternal-blog]

i think im running out of naruhina fluff/smut. T-T. Can you help me out? hihi

 🔍

you think you can hide behind anonymous 🧐  I’m quite certain I know who this is haha 😘

And for you, dearest anon, have three completely unfinished, barely started wips (EVIL CACKLES BECAUSE THESE GO NOWHERE)

But actually, if any of these one-shot ideas catch your interest, please let me know and maybe I’ll actually try to finish one of them?

Smutty Soulmate AU, where you meet your soulmate in your dreams each night upon turning 20.

When her alarm jars her from sleep, she’s always only left with a feeling and flashes of color.  Today...she desperately tries to focus, to reach back, to remember…

Excitement.  Red.  Dark.

Her heart beats faster for reasons unknown to her, and there’s no point in trying any harder to slide the experiences of the soul into her brain.  After pointless meditation sessions, longer naps, and all manners of effort with dream diaries and online tips, she’s been resigned to the fact that only her other half can unlock that translation of dreams to memories.  She has yet to meet her soulmate in person.

Ever since her 20th birthday a few months ago, since that nerve wracking night of meeting her soulmate for the first time, going out has been a secret manhunt.  Eyes peeled to every single passersby over the age of 20.  Any one of them could be the person she’s spent the last 200 or so nights with.

So she dresses carefully for a day out with Sakura, Tenten, and Ino.  They’ll be going to the restaurant where Sakura’s fiance works his part-time job.  For all she knows, her soulmate might be there, too.

A guy?  A girl?  Her age?  Much older?  She has no idea what she’ll say to her soulmate, either.  But she imagines that when she sees them, it’ll be like a homecoming.  Planning is unnecessary, right?  When it’s someone you actually see every night?  If they didn’t like her, she can’t imagine why she would wake up every morning with so much residual happiness and longing.

-------------------------------------THAT’S IT @bunny-hoodlum

Ghost-Hunting (Obake Hunt) Comedy Modern AU, Naruto & co. visit a college at night for some scares that take an unexpected turn...

A shadowed driveway leads up the mountain toward the private college.

“Is this it?” Sasuke asks, peering out the car window.

“Yeah, turn here,” Ino instructs.  

“Okay, but why is the place even open at this time of night,” Sakura states, arms crossed with a skeptical expression as Sasuke drives the minivan through the gates, up the grand driveway.  The dorms for the college were built at a separate location down the main thoroughfare.

Ino shrugs.  “They have all kinds of events that go on at night.  I don’t know.”

“At least we know we’re not trespassing if the school’s open.”  Hinata’s soft voice comes over the back seat.  

“I still can’t believe we actually talked you into coming with us!” Ino teases.

Sakura laughs, “We’re having a bad influence on her!”

Hinata shakes her head.  “Actually, I’m amazed that Naruto-kun is here,” she shyly replies.

Sasuke lets out a quiet laugh.  “Doesn’t mean he won’t shit himself if we find a ghost.” 

“Okay!, no!, I won’t shit myself, alright?” he immediately defends.  “...I might just scream a little, but I won’t poop my pants…”  He’s already in a protective stance, arms crossed, back hunched a little.  

Everyone laughs at him, but Hinata takes his hand, smiling half-amusedly, half to comfort him.  “I’ll protect you, Naruto-kun.”

That only makes everyone laugh harder as Naruto sinks into himself in embarrassment.

Despite Ino’s school being open, the parking lot is somewhat empty save for a few cars.  The buildings are magnificent in design, echoing back to an era when arched entryways and stucco were favored over walls of glass.  The hum of cicadas pierce through the still, late summer air.  

The small group of friends silently follow Ino back toward the driveway of the school with only yellowed street lamps lighting the dark sidewalks.  They cross into the street, stopping right in the middle at the fancy traffic meridian.  It’s an odd decorative aspect of the driveway they passed on the way up.  It’s right in the middle of the street, separating the in and out lanes, somewhat built-up and rounded with a grassy patch and flowering bushes planted high on top.  It really only serves to make the school look expensive.

Ino smiles, then whispers, “Put your hand here on the wall.”

“Why?” Sakura asks, also in a whisper.  

“Just feel it.”  

They do, all of them placing their hands on the wall, waiting for something to happen.

“You see how the plaster is kind of rough over there?” she asks.

They nod, their fingers dragging over the rushed job.

“...This is an ancient burial ground,” Ino explains in a hushed tone.

Their hands spring off of the wall, their fingers wide in stress at what they were just touching.

“Ino, what the fuck?!” Naruto hisses, barely containing his volume, his legs already carrying him away from the meridian and onto the side of the street. 

Sakura stares at her hand wide-eyed.  “Oh my gosh, we’re all cursed,” she laments.  She can practically feel the spiritual energy twisting around her fingers. 

Ino snickers.  “That’s what my course major senpais did to me.”

Sasuke and Hinata are silently trailing after Naruto with abject horror on their faces.  Hinata fists her hand uncomfortably against her skirt.  

Once they’re all gathered safely away from the meridian, Ino continues to explain.  “When they were constructing, they found the remains of the ancient natives.”

“So they just built that random thing in the middle of the street to house the bones and then continued on their merry way?” Naruto asks for clarification.

Ino nods.  “After they found them, they built that wall around the burial ground, and apparently they were in a hurry to cover it back up.  They just made the driveway go around it.”

They stand there, staring at the burial ground, picturing the bones just on the other side of the wall they touched, below the grass and bushes.  

“Did you have to make us touch it, though,” Hinata asks, regretfully, with a really sad frown.

“The spirits of the ancient warriors are going to find me and kill me in the dead of the night,” Naruto states, as if it’s already fact.

Ino brushes his paranoia off.  “We’ll, I’m still here, aren’t I?”  

“Note to all of us--don’t do anything Ino tells us to do,” Sasuke says.

Ino gives him a very evil smile.  “That’s not all there is to this place.”

“Why...why am I doing this…” Naruto asks to no one in particular.

She leads them deeper into the center of the school, where a large tree spreads its thick limbs over a beautiful cobbled courtyard.  A simple fountain beneath the tree spouts water, and pennies shine beneath the surface of the circular pool.  The gurgle of the water as it falls is relaxing, serene in the quiet of the night.

“Wow, this is nice,” Sakura says, looking around at the manicured gardens surrounding the courtyard.  

Ino nods.  “A girl hung herself here.”

They turn their attention to the blonde.  Suddenly, the peace of the courtyard feels like an ill omen.

She tilts her head at the large tree.  “They say that when this used to be a mental hospital, a girl got away from her caretakers.  She was found hanging from this tree.”  

They frown at the branches, wondering which one the girl chose.

Ino gestures to steps that lead to an academic building.  “They said that at night, you could see her ghost walking and talking to herself in the corridors, always bringing herself to this tree.  Someone suggested to the school that they build this fountain here to give rest to her spirit.”

“So no one sees her ghost anymore?” Sakura asks. 

Ino shrugs.  “I guess we’ll find out…”

“What?”  Naruto scrunches a face of distaste.

“Let’s go,” Ino invites.  

“Go where…” he whines quietly.

Ino takes the disturbed group down the steps to the building.  “Hm, I wonder if it’s open…”  She pulls the handle.

The door opens.

“Whyyyy is it open…” Naruto groans.

“But actually, though, why,” Sakura states.

“Maybe the teachers are still here?” Hinata suggests.

Ino laughs.  “Psh, what college professor cares that much about their job?”  She holds the door open, inviting them into the building.  “Welcome to the language arts hall.”  

The corridor lights are all on, assuring them that the building is, indeed, open.

They enter the hallway.  Naruto lags behind.  When the door shuts, he opens it again.  “I’m just making sure…”  He tests the handle a couple more times before closing it.  Then he tests it once more for good measure.

“You satisfied?” Sasuke asks.

“I’m just making sure,” he repeats.  

Hinata frowns, imagining the door locking them in while they’re inside the building.  

Naruto’s paranoia is only making things worse.

Ino starts ahead of them, and Naruto has to rush to catch up.  “Wait for me!”

“SHHHH!!” Sakura scolds, finger to her lips.

They stand there, noticing how her shush seems to echo in the hallway.

“This place is really creepy,” Hinata comments quietly.

Ino shrugs.  “Only at night.  I had classes in this building in my first year.” 

“So this place used to be part of the mental hospital?” Sasuke asks.  

“Yeah,” Ino affirms.  She brings them to a classroom.  “You see how there’s this little window that you can use to look inside?”  

They nod, taking turns peeking into one of the dark classrooms.  It’s a normal room with normal desks.

“All of the rooms have this hallway window, you see?  It was so that the nurses could check on the patients.”

“Oh gods,” Naruto mutters.

-------------------------------------THAT’S IT

College Ballet AU, Naruto sees a different side of his quietly reserved friend.

It wasn’t a trick. 

Winter had dragged its sharp claws across the ground as long as it could, but finally, finally, three seasonal false-starts and numerous wilted, early-blooming daffodils later, 

Spring had finally decided to stay for good.

Trees bloomed pastel pinks instead of icy white.  New hopefuls popped out of the wet dirt, ready to face the sun.  Birds were suddenly a real thing again.  

Students strolled across the college campus in shorts and light sweaters, eager to shed the winter coats they had worn for six straight months.

And most importantly…

“The forecast is in the high 50s all week!” Ino announced as she pranced into the room, swinging her dance bag to the floor.

“Oh!!  Remember last spring we had class outside?” Sakura asked, turning her attention to their ballet instructor.

“Can we have class outside, Kurenai?” Ino pleaded, eyes wide in hope.

“Hm, the weather is nice today.  I suppose it is a shame to stay indoors on an afternoon like this,” she considered aloud.

Hinata listened with alarm.  She had never danced outside before, never in her 14 years of dancing.  Yes, she had danced on stage before, had performed in front of many strangers before, but still...  Everyone will see us, she worried.  

“I didn’t bring my speakers today, though,” Kurenai continued.

Before Hinata could feel any relief, Tenten pulled out her tech from her bag.  “You can bluetooth your phone to mine!”  

“Awesome, Tenten!” Sakura exclaimed.

“Oh, please, Kurenai?  Can we have class outside?” the other girls begged.

Hinata already knew her fate.  She was going to have to wear her body-conforming leotard and tights in front of the entire student body.  Nevermind the fact that the last time she had gone barefoot on grass was in elementary school.

They all picked up their belongings and made the quick trip to the center lawn.

As she predicted, many students who were already finished with their classes for the day were enjoying the afternoon weather, laying out in the grass reading or playing frisbee.  

And here they were, in their leotards and tights, about to have their whole ballet practice for all to see.  

“There’s so many people,” she whispered in embarrassment to Sakura.  

The pinkette looked at Hinata in confusion, then sympathy.  “Don’t worry.  Just relax and enjoy the sunshine!  It’s a lot of fun to dance outside.  It feels like…”  Sakura glanced up in thought.  “...Like freedom.  Or like...nature!”

Hinata took a deep breath and nodded.  She slipped off her sandals and lined up with everyone to begin their barre exercises...without a barre.  She spread her toes open to first position and settled her arms and hands into en bas.  

Already she could see curious onlookers watching them, and she could only thank the god above that they were having class in a corner of the field, and not front and center.  

Kurenai glanced over her dancers, noting their prepared positions.  She rattled off the instructions for their plie routine before setting up the speaker and scrolling through her phone’s music menu.

Familiar piano music rose into the air.  

More students glanced around.

Hinata tried not to think that all of their eyes were on her.  Because she knew, logically, that they weren’t all watching only her, but her heart just hadn’t been prepared for this sudden public display.

Eventually, with the right side completed and the combination repeated on the left side, Hinata began to feel less tense.

The students lazing on the lawn returned to their own devices, and only passersby watched as they headed to their destinations.  

She fell into the muscle memory of the exercises, and her focus turned inward on the flow of her arms with the music, of the dart of her toes with the beat, and the alignment of her body.  

It was like Sakura said.  There was a certain freedom she had never felt before in dancing barefoot in the grass under the Spring sun, turning, leaping, and reaching into the fresh air.  

#anon #wips #naruhina fanfiction #witness how quickly i lose interest

[aghostsdestiny]

An "about" me & my blog in regards to people's opinions

Ive wanted to say something in the tag for some time but didnt want to risk coming off wrong when im still recovering from some medical issues that effect my filters. I dont want to be unfair or make anyone feel unwelcome from any of the positivity messages Ive posted and plan to post (next idea is Destiny themed suicide prevention fanart - NO ONE should unalive themselves, not even assholes; dont get dead, get better! Just keep trying), but a big point is that I been too scared of past bullying to speak up much or even follow anyone so y'all dont really know me yet.

In the name of fairness, as I've mentioned my filters... well, like everyone else I too have the unfortunate habit of thinking "... did we really read the same lore? And THAT was your takeaway??" but thats needlessly hurtful and calling people stupid when they arent; they could have been distracted at the time they read the lore or they just see things differently. Or maybe... it just means too much to them to see it any other way. Maybe they NEED for it to mean something that saves them. Thats NOT "stupid." Thats survival. They found what helps them, thats wonderful!

Maybe theyre wrong about lore meaning, but maybe IM wrong. Yes, i do think they're wrong but they think im wrong and im ok with that, theres no harm in it. Been keeping it to my own lane & mind my own business. Im trying to get better with my filters as well as unlearn some habits, but yes I have months ago made at least one comment here to the effect "uhh... people think THIS about the lore??" and im ashamed of that because its not who i want to be. I prefer to celebrate people not being some robot copy of me. Yes! Please! Have a different thought from me! Just be nice to me about it, is all i ask, and if you're not... well thats saddening, but i hope we can be friendly some day soon.

Thats far from to say im perfect or am trying to be; Im trying to be what makes me happiest, use my creativity in combination with my psychology knowledge to be more gentle with people, and thats not for everyone. Maybe some other people are in a place right now where they have to figuratively beat each other's brains in online to decide if thats who they want to be (as long as everyones a willing participant, etc). While ive always tried to do the right thing, I used to be a bit more abrasive with my opinion years ago in perceived self defense and... maybe i needed to be to get where i am now.

Im at the point in my life where Ive seen enough drama, known irl horrors & experienced legit crippling mental illnesses/disorders that taught me how frail humans can really be; all of which makes me see it as anyone could be gone anyday and if this were my last month alive then i want to be kind before i die. I want to leave good behind. 30 years ago I was a Mr Roger's kid, i grew up & i wanna be "a helper" now, however much by my limited means of small-scale caring without hurting others. I wont save the world or be a firefighter, I'll never be perfect & i dont want to be, but you dont have to be perfect to be kind. Nor do you have to be a doormat (reminder: Mr Rogers legally sued the KKK. And won), but im not sure how to balance that yet so im shrugging issues off for now.

I know Ive rambled, & i apologize. I wont use the read more line because in the past its deleted things. I took time away to give a long thought about the fighting & assess how i really feel, what i really want to put out there & i dont want it glitching out. I... really want people to be nicer to each other in the fandom, its just... im not their parent, babysitter, keeper, nurse or doctor, & i dont know what they need right now. Im not going to tell anyone what to do, regardless of whether theyd listen or not. Its their free will to live how they see fit. I'll tend my lane & they can tend theirs.

But hey. Hey you. You heated people, if youre even reading this... i wish as much good for you as anyone else. Being assertive is tiring (as i well remember lol). Any friendly thing i post is also for you. Take care of yourself, hydrate, do whatever kindnesses you feel inclined to, & best wishes with your life. The positivity isnt JUST for cinnamon rolls, people who dont complain, people with empty block lists, or never been in an argument, etc. Its for you too. Even if you dont care right now, possibly in some "i dont need your stinkin posts" mentality. That might change. Dont ever look at my positivity posts & think that you're excluded. Ever. Everyone on Earth is trying to get better together, & thats our Destiny.

(Yes this is how corny it is in my head, lol, arent you glad i dont normally talk much XD)

#TLDR i just want everyone to be ok and share Destiny stuff #Ofc neoNazis etc unwelcome here but thats a given I'll address later #|| #tw suicide mention #destiny 2 #destiny the game #fan talk #destiny discourse

[shhh-no-ones-home]

saving graces marcus moreno x reader

+++++++++

Prompt: “You dont strike me as a professional criminal.” “thats what makes me so good at it.”

song: knife under my pillow by maggie lindemann

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

"im starting to get worried about her. she just sits in her room all day, shutting everyone out. and before you ask, yes i have invited her to all of our outings but she always tells me no... i dont know what to do at this point. shes gonna have to leave for work eventually; im not paying rent by myself."

i heard my roommate say from her room. i stood with my back against my bedroom door and sighed. i didnt need to read her mind to know what she thought of me, it was pretty apparent. not that i could control it anyway. it kind of came and went.

"Bradly its a problem!"

she said loudly and i closed my eyes, shoving my hands deep in my hoodie pockets. 'maybe shes depressed again.' i heard him say and i snapped my eyes back open. nope i definitely didnt want to be in his head right now. i just shook it off, pulling my bedroom door open and crossing the hall. i knocked on her doorframe lightly and she paused, staring at me with wide eyes.

"im going out, i probably wont be back for a while."

i said in a soft voice and she nodded, mouth hung slightly open. i didnt wait for her to say anything back, i just made my way through the apartment and to the front door. when i swung it open the cool breeze hit me in the face immediately. it was late autumn but it was only just beginning to feel like it; we did live in a pretty warm city after all. i hummed at the thought as i pressed my way down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. town was only a ten minute walk and usually i could make it without running into anyone.

i guess that wasnt going to happen today though. as i saw a woman about my age walk towards me i ducked my head down, lifting the hood of my jacket over my head. 'oh thats cute, i should get one, wonder where she got it.' i heard and i shook my head. 'maybe i could google the motif, what was it again? oh well.' she thought and i rolled my eyes, quickening my pace to get away from her.

as i came to the stop light at the end of the street i was met with a few other people waiting to cross like me. 'did i put my grocery list back in my bag?' came from the old woman. 'i wonder what would happen if i crossed the street before the light turned green.' came from the the teen in the blue hoodie, standing away from his mom. i just looked to him and drew my brows. 'i really need to stop wearing my good heels to work, theyre starting to scuff and i dont have money to get them fixed.' came from his mom. i just rolled my eyes at her and looked back to the stop light.

as soon as it turned white i walked across the street with the group, nodding to a man walking his dog in the opposite direction. he nodded back but didnt think anything, or not that i could hear. that was a relief. i bit my tongue as i got closer to the corner store. usually i could get away with stealing a few things here and there, tucking them into my hoodie. it was usually small but pricey stuff i knew i could sell online. lord knows i need the money, i haven't told my roommate that i got laid off about a month ago and this was my only source of income currently. the only good thing about it was that i could sometimes read the minds of the people around me to know if they suspected anything. but i always made sure to buy something just in case.

i stepped inside of the store and smiled at the clerk as she waved at me. i had been coming in long enough that they all kind of knew me by now, something to keep me on their positive side and not think anything bad about me. they knew i liked to walk around for a little bit before checking out, a new energy drink flavor and snack chip bag in hand.

i made my way down a few aisles, picking a few things up and looking over them before putting them back. i knew the store like the back of my hand and knew just where the security camera blind spots where. i looked up to one and stepped around the shelf to be in front of the endcap. in front of me was a new shipment set of headphones, each twenty five dollars a piece. jackpot. i picked two off the shelf, closing my eyes to see if anyone was around. nothing. i looked too before slipping them into my pocket.

when i rounded the corner again to the next aisle i froze. there was a man standing there but he didnt look away from the product he was reading the back of. i just stepped slowly down the aisle, looking at a few items, pushing them around the shelf. when i felt his eyes on me i tensed. 'interesting choice of attire.' i heard and i rolled my eyes. i turned and faced him to walk further down the aisle but he looked away quickly. 'oh shes cute though.' i heard and i could feel my heartbeat quicken. then a few others thoughts made their way into my brain.

"shut up."

i whispered to myself, rubbing the side of my head and closing my eyes tightly.

'thats a lot of shit.' 'maybe i could get this with my next paycheck.' 'damn i needed that but theyre all gone.' All the patrons thoughts flooded into my brain at once and i couldn't focus anymore. i moved my other hand up and held my head in place, swaying back and forth. 'damn, is she alright? maybe i should help.' i heard him again, singled out as the others moved around. it was like i could pluck them out of the air with my bare hands. i just shook my head, falling into the shelf to my right and knocking a few things off of it.

"excuse me, are you alright?"

he asked and i snapped my eyes open. he was stood in front of me with a concerned look on his face but leaned back when i looked at him. 'she did not have purple eyes a minute ago.' he thought and i drew my brows, shaking my head and sliding to the ground. then i felt his hand on my shoulder.

"do you need some help? can i call someone?"

he asked but it was hard to hear. everyone was so loud all of a sudden. i just dug my nails into my hood.

"make it stop."

i cried out.

"make what stop?"

"the voices."

i said, looking back to him. he tried to study my face for a moment and i couldn't pick his voice out of the crowd anymore.

"do you have powers?"

he asked quietly as a tear slipped down my cheek. i swallowed hard, looking over his face.

"i dont know."

i said, my lip trembling. he sent me a soft smile.

"im marcus, im the leader of the heroics. and ive seen enough new powers to know when someone has them. you said you heard voices... are you a telepath?"

he asked and i shrugged.

"i think so but i cant control it. i hear them sometimes but not always, and i can never tell when im just gonna invade someone's brain."

i confessed and the voices stopped.

"let me help you."

he said, taking my arm and helping me to my feet. i wiped the tears away and tucked my hands into my pocket. my eyes got wide when i felt it was empty.

"shit."

i mumbled under my breath, looking to the floor and seeing both sets of headphones on the floor amongst a few of the items that had fallen when i did.

"oh, was some of that yours?"

he asked innocently and i shook my head no, squatting down and picking up my wallet.

"nope, just missing this."

i said, stuffing it back in my pocket and placing the stuff back on the shelf, holding the headphones up for him to see.

"i dont think these go here, ill go put them back."

he nodded and i turned my back to him, rounding the corner and shoving them back in my pocket. i grumbled to myself as i stepped forward towards the food part of the store.

"going so soon?"

i heard him say behind me and i slowly turned to face him.

"uh i came for something, i might as well get it."

i said and he nodded, walking to me.

"mind if i join? i really did mean i wanted to help. i know someone you could talk to."

i scoffed at him as he followed me down the chip aisle.

"yeah and by help you mean people who will experiment on me to figure out how my powers work."

"thats not it at all."

he said a little hurt, holding the basket he had loosely in his hand as i plucked some hot chips off the shelf.

"yeah, sure."

i said and he sighed, following me to the other end of the aisle and raising his brow at me as i plucked an energy drink off the shelf too.

"if you come with me we can figure out how they work, together, and we can train you-"

"to be a heroic? i dont think so."

i said with a short laugh, walking quickly to the register.

"why not?"

he asked and i snorted, paying for my goods and taking the bag from the woman with a small thank you. he just placed the basket he was holding on the counter and followed me out of the store, abandoning it.

"look, i dont want to be a superhero. i can barely handle life as it is and know i wouldnt be able to save anyone, now will you please just leave me alone."

i said and i heard him stop following me.

“when i first saw you You didnt strike me as a professional criminal.”

he said and i froze in my tracks. i was almost on the other side of the parking lot already. i should just keep going. but damnit i cant. i looked down and shook my head before turning around. i pulled the headphones out of my pocket and waved them in the air.

“thats what makes me so good at it.”

i said snarkily before moving to walk away from him, tucking them back in my pocket and keeping on my way. i continued back on the path i had taken to get to the store, stopping at the light as it turned red. when a car pulled up beside me on the wrong side of the road i looked to him like he was crazy.

"what the hell are you doing?!"

i asked and he nodded towards the passenger side.

"please, at least let me drive you home, we can talk."

he said and i shook my head in disbelief.

"why would i get in a car with you? you drive on the wrong side of the road."

i acknowledged, walking when the light turned white. he just pulled his car in front of me and parked it, getting out and standing tall over me.

"please."

he said and i rolled my eyes.

"look, marcus, i think youre cute too but this is not how to get a date."

i said, side stepping him but he caught my arm.

"why did you steal that stuff?"

he asked and i looked from his arm to his face.

"i dont owe you my life story."

"and i dont need to be a telepath to know you need this."

he said, letting me go. i just looked over his face before he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a business card.

"please, just think about it. i do want to help you. just think about it."

i took the card and scanned it, shoving it into my pocket after.

"fine."

#wattpad #x reader #310 #imagines #one shots #marcus moreno #we can be heroes #netflix

[mcbumblesnazzle]

Abandoned stuff online is a relic to explore and its fuckin sad and full of wonder of what it was to be there

like for real, everyone has had that moment where the come across an old thread full of convos and images and people, but its just dead, like it was last active YEARS ago, and it always filled me with sadness and wonder of what happened there, i know others have better explanations of this phenomenon,

but i just like to ramble on stuff and its the late night vibe for tonight, so to continue, maybe im rambling, but like old game communities, and fandom stuff from old seasons or cancelled shows, where there is no grand ending, its just a final message and no mention of a dying community,

YOU KNOW there was one final member, they posted, then left, just abandoned it, the last remnant died, but all the writing and structures remained

its just i also have some communities that i love to be in, but as time passes and relationships change, everything passes and has a chance to fizzle out, thats the part that saddens me sooooo much, like i might be the last man here, who will come across the relics of my friends and i talks, our passions,

I've had a lot of endings in the past few years of shows and things i loved, that is for another time if anyone is interested, just dm and ill make a post, or talk cuz it gets specific, and its just like, wow this ended, thats rad, but what does it leave behind, Unus Annus is the antithesis of this very concept, as they got rid of everything, no past to look at, no memories to look back on, just emptiness that the internet usually never lets exist unless otherwise accidentally patched out or intentionally deleted,

Its just the internet is full of graves and abandoned societies, its a wonder to look thru and it is always saddening to see that this community ended, with one last member giving a post then radio silence forever

Gone but never erased

#late night gang #its late night wisdom #rambles #late night all night #long post

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.