#me being on a completely different page with a totally different outlook to life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sergio-para-siempre · 1 year

Note

Hi. How are you? I'd like to ask you something, an opinion so to speak. Feel free to not engage if I am being inconvenient. It's just you seem really really fond of Sergio. You mentioned you're married and you display a very mature approach towards all subjects. I'm 37 and can't talk much about him with my friends. They look at me like I'm the second season of The Last of Us yet to be shot😅 The thing is I like Pilar a lot. I see many differences between her and Sergio but this is healthy and, besides, I believe they coincide in the real important life values. Otherwise they would not be raising 4 happy children together. However, she seems completely disconnected from his family. It seems to be getting worse. I think he doesn't give 2 fucks, pardon my language, keeps going strong between the 2 of them, but it sure must be a source of tension. Do you have any thoughts on that, any understanding of what the reasons are? I remember Mirian being glued to Pilar, all of them going fishing on sales in Madrid. And since he decided to make their union official in the church the relations derailed. When they released the clip, there is Pilar coming down the aisle, Sergio was crying and Paqui was looking at her as if she were going to commit murder... Idk. I just needed to vent after Alex's bday. Idk if it is possible for you to answer privately. Don't want to bring drama to your page which is hyped, good humored and full of easter eggs - La Cibeles tattoo was a killer ♥️ I let out a little uhuuu and came here to check if you had already seen it 😅 Have a great week.

Hi 😊 I'm gonna try to answer this somewhat coherently, but i can't promise anything 😉

So first of all, i'm gonna say i'm in a somewhat similar situation with my mother-in-law or family-in-law for that matter. She's a perfecty nice woman, i just don't have anything in common with her, like our personalities and our outlook on life are so different, that honestly i don't think she really knows what to do with me or how to talk to me (and we've known each other for almost 20 years). It's just what happens sometimes and granted my husband isn't nearly as close to his family as Sergio is, but at some point you find a way that works for everyone and it's really not that much of an issue. It's a bit sad maybe, but some families just aren't that close.

As for Pilar's relationship with Sergio's family. I agree, it doesn't seem to be all that close, but i don't think there's any bad blood between them either. They do spend most holidays together, they went to Paris for New Year's and so on.

i actually think there are two reasons why it might seem lately that they don't get along anymore.

One, Pilar is generally very aware of how she presents herself on social media. Most of her posts are for her career and even the more candid ones are usually from photo shoots or are staged in a way to portrait her in a certain image. I'm mean it's what social media is for when you're basically an influencer. But if she's in Sevilla with Sergio (and his family) she probably doesn't want to get dressed up and put on a full face of make-up, so sometimes i feel like she deliberately steps out of the pictures and videos to keep her privacy (if that makes sense).

And they've never been a couple who did everything together. They've always been pretty independent with their own circle of friends and their own hobbies and i guess it wasn't that much of a problem when they were still in Madrid and Pilar had all her friends and family close (I remember Sergio saying once how envious he was of her that she still had all her old friends around), but now that they're living in Paris, with their jobs and the kids, they only have so much time left for their friends and families, so i guess it's easier sometimes to just spend their days off separately with their own circle of people.

And i totally agree on the values part. They definitely seem very similiar in how they want to live their lifes and how they want to raise their family and in my opinion that's way more important for a healthy relationship than sharing the same hobbies or tastes. You're gonna have to agree on the big things and at least from the outside it looks like they do.

Anyway, i hope this makes at least some sense 😊

I hope you have a great day too and thank you for enjoying my blog 😘

#i didn't read over this again #so i'm pretty sure there are tons of grammar mistakes in there #sorry for that #also i just realized i have like 5 other unanswered asks i've been sleeping on #i'm sorry #i'll get to them soon

8 notes · View notes

bluefellow · 4 months

Text

Yeah I totally know , I think women can love and feel deeper in general just because we are mother's, daughter's, and sisters we bond stronger because of years of evolution we are better care givers & sympathizers. I love to make my life harder than it needs to be, my creativity steams from pain & when I'm hurt is when I feel the most real. But I'm still afraid of it because I used to not take care of my pain properly & didn't know how to cope with it so I'd suffer & not take anything from it - -but now I know what good can come of bad & I know how to protect myself when needed even if I do build a wall more often than I probably ought to I no longer do it to the point where I become completely numb. I am glad to hear you're sweet & rough, my favorite combination. ❤❤❤

Aw good that makes me feel very nice ! I would love to share with you some of my writing, I have books of it but that page was the only one anyone has ever seen of it before. Yeah I can wrap my head around sorrow a lot better than happiness. I feel like I deserve pain more than happiness so when I do feel happy I'm usually trying to find a way to sabotage that & I've done some pretty fucked up shit just to hurt myself. I am different now though I feel , I have had to learn through years of being

Stuck in my own head how to avoid hurting people around me & instead just effect myself. I used to be really good at ruining relationships before I really understood the fact that I have unbalanced chemicals in my brain & now I try really hard to focus on growing relationships with people I love & care about positively because I know what it means to be ugly & hurt & I don't want people I consider family or friends to feel that way. I think the only way to be truly happy is if you've truly been

Unhappy & of course there is no light without the dark & everyone suffers on their own levels & it is all valid but I tend to be more attracted to people who have really been through the ringer just because I can relate to that on such a deeper level since that's been the majority of my young adult life. Most people don't know what to do when you have bad days & I don't really ever expect people to handle me well when I'm bad but that's just because I often don't handle my own self well during

Those times. Yeah I have a pretty cynical outlook on the majority of human beings. There are a handful of accaptions where I meet a phenomenal person & that is what I think makes this wild life worth it

I love having conversations like this with people like you, it's a rare thing to come by for me. I rest my head on the glory of sorrow & more people find that hard to swallow so when someone can relate it makes me feel a little less lonely. That's exactly what I think I need to start doing. I have more words going through my head than I will ever be able to articulate but most of the time people think I just don't have words to say but the case usually is I just don't want to be the one to speak

Them. I'm not one for small talk so I tend to keep it short until someone mentions something that Sparks my interest but I want to try to be the one to open others up instead of waiting for someone else to. I just don't handle misunderstanding well so I can get offended if someone interprests something I say wrong espically when I'm opening up the parts of myself that I actually need to put effort into in order to reveal them. I will try to make them understand where I'm coming from but if in

The end they still can't seem to comprehend that's when I know I can't get along with them in a sense of how I'd want to be able to get along with people I choose to spend my time w. & That's when I can get bitchy also because I have little patience for people who have had it easy & haven't been exposed to real shit. But I just need to remember that it's not usually their fault & I think no matter how well one can word their thoughts people who've never experienced something similar will never

Be able to actually understand & all that I really am looking for in people is the ability to empathize. I totally feel like I can convey my feelings much more effectively through art. People can have more time to see what it means & truly think about it. Often in verbal conversation people are not mentally present & as soon as someone is finished saying something , rather than thinking about what they just said, they are thinking of what they will say next & that's where I think miscommunication

Comes in & where people get hurt when they put emotion into their words & notice the other person has thrown that away.

0 notes

houseofhurricane · 2 years

Text

Throughout ACOSF, SJM takes care to build out both Azriel and Gwyn's characters... and show that this pair has a lot of key similarities that could lead to a friends-to-lovers story for the ages.

First off, both Gwyn and Azriel are shown to be extremely competitive. We see this highlighted for Gwyn in chapter 60 of ACOSF, when Azriel becomes "the new ribbon" (624) and she pushes Emerie and Nesta to be the first to complete the Blood Rite qualifier (also on page 624). As for Azriel, Cassian describes his "vicious competitive streak," which is "quiet and cruel and utterly lethal" (254).

What's interesting to me is that while they both have this trait in common, they express it in different ways. Azriel is quiet, while Gwyn is the one who announces, "We look forward to proving you wrong," when he expresses doubts about her capability to complete the obstacle course (253). It's purposefully not a neat alignment, which sets up a more compelling story.

Beyond their competitive streak, Azriel and Gwyn are both nerds. When Cassian describes a model of their world and the stars beyond it in Rhys' office, he says that while he was bored and mystified by it, "Az, of course, had been fascinated" (37). Meanwhile, we have a lot of instances of Gwyn being a nerd, but my favorite is on page 407, where we have this delightful conversation between Nesta and Gwyn:

Gwyn playfully smacked her on the shoulder. "Learning is my job, you know."

"You'd have memorized this information anyway."

"Fair enough," Gwyn laughed.

Not only are these two nerds, but everyone who loves them knows it. I can't wait to see what kind of conversations they have, because you know they're pulling out reference texts. It's also interesting to me that while Azriel is fascinated by the model of their world, Gwyn is the one to introduce the theory of many worlds (154). Subtle nod that Gwyn is going to expand Azriel's life or outlook in interesting ways? Another connection between these two hot nerds? Who knows for certain, but I can say that I'm definitely intrigued.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly for the plot, Gwyn is shown to have the potential to be a great spy. In addition to her physical abilities -- she's the first one to cut the ribbon, #neverforget -- Gwyn saves Emerie and Nesta during the Blood Rite when she unleashes the beasts on their tormenters. How does she manage this? She "watched the beasts," "learned where the beasts sleep during the day... and that they get very angry when awoken" (682).

Maybe that doesn't sound like spycraft to you, but, as luck would have it, only six pages later, Azriel and Cassian have a conversation about spycraft that's pretty illuminating:

Azriel sharpened Truth-Teller. The black blade absorbed the dim sunlight trickling through the forest canopy above. "It seems you've forgotten how much of spying is waiting for the right moment. People don't engage in their evil deeds when it's convenient for you."

Cassian rolled his eyes. "I stopped spying because it bored me to death. I don't know how you put up with this all the time."

"It suits me." (688)

Spying is waiting for the right moment, watching carefully, and making a plan. It's what we've seen Azriel do since ACOMAF, and it's telling that on Gwyn's first "mission" as a spy, she's totally successful in her aims. He has the experience and skills. She has the raw talent. What happens when those two things combine?

As a bonus, because I've addressed it before, we see that as soon as Gwyn and Azriel start talking, they have great banter -- "I can't sleep without my favorite dagger." / "A comfort to every growing child." #neverforget -- but when they get to know each other better and realize how much they have in common, all the things that fascinate both of them? It's going to be a very long conversation, and I'm 1000% here for it.

Call it subtle if you like, but SJM could have developed these two characters any way she liked. She chose to link Gwyn and Azriel through shared yet complementary traits, woven throughout ACOSF. She's definitely setting something up, and in my opinion, that "something" is Gwynriel.

#gwynriel #gwynriel supremacy #gwynriel theory #gwynriel meta #gwyneth berdara #azriel #azriel x gwyn #gwyn x azriel #acotar #acotar theory #acosf #acosf theory #acotar close reads #putting my english major to good use

262 notes · View notes

lycanthrology · 2 years

Text

things I’d change in this book. god im only 3/5 of the book in and yet and yet..

LONG!!!!

- Show Amari and Binta’s relationship firsthand

The first time we see Binta is when she gets executed then afterwards Amari can’t stop talking about their friendship and time together so why didn’t we start a few days before the execution to get to know Binta personally. She’s a major part of Amari’s arc and I had no attachment to her whatsoever because we’re never shown anything physically. We get told she’s her best friend with no evidence. And when she dies, imo Amari does not react in a way that signifies that she cared loads for her. Like she grabs onto the wall and forces herself not to cry but like when she’s alone I don’t remember her breaking down or lashing out she just carries on regardless then quotes the death as her motive in her internal monologue every other page.

- Give each POV character a distinctive voice

There are 3 POV characters (Zelie, Amani, and Iman) and they are impossible to tell apart from each other. Like Zelie and Amani are together so they’re perspectives are nearly identical which shouldn’t be the case! They’re completely different people with different upbringings and outlooks on the world so their thoughts and reactions should be very different to each other. Amani is a human noble runaway who’s never left a palace learning about the world outside and magic for the first time and Zelie is a fairly streetwise Maji who’s had to deal with oppression her entire life testing her newly discovered magic. They should have entirely different personalities that shine through in the narration but it just.. doesn’t. They sound like the exact same person. Iman is only discernible because his storyline is different (he’s following and trying to kill them) but again he sounds the same.

- Make things harder and raise the stakes.

There’s three items they need to save magic and they start the story with one already. The second one is given to them when they get to a mountain and the third they win in a watery arena fight thing. They get them all before page 300/500 and don’t start collecting until about 75 so it’s incredibly fast paced. We don’t get to know the characters as people (we learn about Zelie and her role in the village but then she’s taken out of the village and we still don’t know what she’s like as a person and it feels like the village stuff was unnecessary because she’s totally different now for no reason) so tbh i don’t really care if any of them die because I’m not invested in their lives and how a death would affect them!

- Show not tell etc etc

All it does it tell us everything like spoonfeeding the audience. I know this is YA but readers aren’t stupid and you don’t need to hold their hand. There are no saids everything is a fancy over the top dialogue tag to the point where nothing means anything. Okay so she yelled? Big deal! She yells on every single page whats so special this time. And so many feelings get explained rather than described. It won’t be overt like ‘She was sad’ but like ‘Her eyes clouded with sadness’ drop the ‘with sadness’ you’re doing too much work and it’s losing it’s emotional impact. Don’t tell us what they’re feeling show it. It’s so much better that way.

- Characters do not react!! And when they do it’s at the wrong things

This one particular scene was the point where I realised the book was not going to work for me (but I paid £6 for it and I’m getting my money’s worth lmao).

I’ll set the scene: Zelie has rescued Amani from Inan and is being chased by him. They go back to her home village with a scroll that when touched by a Maji will unlock their powers. Zelie gives the scroll to this village wise woman archetype and it unlocks her magic. Magic is illegal and has been dormant for a decade so magic is a big big deal. She’s not really shocked or scared by seeing magic but is like ohh i knew it!! Meanwhile the king’s men and Inan have caught up to them and is setting the village on fire and killing villagers. Zelie and Amani know this and do not rush or seem to have any time restrictions. The old woman goes magic mode and sees the mountain they must travel to to get the next artefact. They leave the village and go to the mountain.

Major points in that scene and reaction:

Big reveal that old wise woman is actually magic (we guessed this was true because you are a wise woman nobody is shocked or surprised)

The village is burning down (it’s mentioned once but only elaborated on in Inan’s POV because he’s physically doing it)

They need to go to this secret temple that is only a legend (well you’ve seen it in the vision so it must be real let’s get going!)

There are innocent villagers dying because Inan wants to find and kill Zelie (let’s listen to the old lady monologue completely remorse free)

You see what I mean!! This is a highly stressful and intense situation (if id written this it would be a major if not THE major scene in the opening 100 pages but there are at least 2 others just like it so much happens and nothing is lingered on the pacing is so wack!!!) and they act so casual so to the audience it means nothing! Then in Inan’s POV they force us to feel things by murdering innocent children and it’s like this is lazy you’re pulling lazy shortcuts here.

- The water arena

RIGHT we get told at the beginning there are Maji that can control water and our characters are put on a fight to the death fortnite battle royale on these big boats in a water arena and NOT ONCE is there a water Maji!!!!! If I was the author either a) one of the enslaved Maji on the boat had water powers that get awakened and help them (they can either join the team or die and get referenced every other page like Binta) or b) the fucked up commentator dude who they spend way too long getting angry at should’ve been a secret water Maji who was manipulating the water so no one would win and he’d get to keep the prize money and sunstone and keep the games going and keep making money from it. Chekhov's water magic.

Also I saw someone say they ripped the story off of Avatar the last airbender and I’ve never watched avatar BUT there was a fire event (village burning), earth event (up the mountain), water event (water arena) and an evil guy working under a king that decides he’s wrong and tries to join the team which I know are things in avatar right? idk

#cobab lb #isaac.pdf

4 notes · View notes

sugar-petals · 4 years

Note

Hav u done predictive readings for who the boys will end up with & how their career will go etc?

a 2020 career prediction i’ll publish at the end of december! their future partner we’re doing now. i added some angel oracle cards today ♡ those describe the theme of their relationship.

Jungkook: QUEEN OF CUPS

Hallelujah! Oh yeah. That’s an ideal card, picture perfect. The Queen of Cups is quite possibly one of the best partner allegories to have because a) Cups rule smoothness of relationships and emotions and b) she’s a royal card which indicates a highly developed state of mind where things finally come to fruition unlike with the aces and pages. Jungkook will mean so, so much to his partner. That’s a twin flame or soulmate connection we’re talking here. A really beautiful and dignified person, a little touchy feely, but experienced with love. They can really depend on another. Maybe they’re from Busan like him or the shore generally, the sea plays an important role for the Queen of Cups. There are tiny little cherubs on the card, I’m thinking he’ll be treated like an angel. It’s a very healthy relationship that leaves nothing left to be desired. As for looks: It might be a blonde, taller person whose favorite color is blue. There are cliffs on the card that remind me of Cornwall’s coast. The English theme is pretty consistent in his readings lmao we’re dealing with an excellent speaker. And, because it’s a court card with quite abundant imagery, it’ll be a S/O of quite some status. I am sure the person will be known to us already, or at least a big deal within his or her family. It’s queen energy, so the mom friend is right on their way into JK’s heart. Another aspect is that his partner might be rather spiritually inclined — mind you, every person is spiritual, how aware you are makes the difference — or even psychic. Water signs ahead; Pisces, Scorpio, Cancer.

— angel card: “Playfulness — To bring about romantic feelings, allow your youthfulness to shine with delight.”

Taehyung: THE EMPRESS

Yet another powerful female archetype, this reading does not mince words. And also a very wholesome outlook, it’s very similar to the Queen of Cups vibe, or Queen of Pentacles if we’re looking at other tarot suits. I was really happy when I saw this card come out. The Empress almost always signifies kids, the theme is fertility. Taehyung will live a very lavish life with this partner. The card has so much opulence and positivity on it. Nature, food, pillows, ample garments, jewelry, good weather, and harvest time. And, of course, the Empress is fairly curvy, so expect either Taehyung gaining weight in the future or his partner being chubby. It’ll be the good life, in a good place, with the right person. There’s a settled and satiated feeling there. Stagnation could be possible after a while because this card gets too cozy. However, loyalty and a ripe sexual life are like glue to the union so I don’t see Taehyung stress anytime soon there. The card gives me plenty of clues how his home will look like as well, it’s highly decorated and comfortable. Interestingly enough, we see a huge wheat field surrounding the Empress — hence the card symbolizes fertility — so I wonder whether Taehyung’s dream of getting involved in farming will play out. I mean… coincidence? The countryside will take on an important role in any case, maybe with photography as well. Tae marrying a farmer’s girl, who knows! Beautiful card, definitely. It’s a good prospect for him. The Empress is major arcana so, this state of happiness will last him for a giant while and it’s destined. The boy will shed a tear no more.

— angel card: “Attraction — you receive love by enjoying the moment.”

Yoongi: KNIGHT OF SWORDS

It’s the fastest card of the tarot! The power of swords paired with a knight on his speedy horse is quite a combination. Yoongi’s future partner is not going to waste time to charge right into sweet honey boy’s life. We’re dealing with a hothead, athlete, extrovert. I don’t think Yoongi has to do as much as crook a single finger to get things going. In fact, he’s the one waiting it out. He’ll just lean back and poof there is his significant other bursting into his life. Though I gotta say, the Knight of Swords has a detriment and that is: He leaves as fast as he arrives, and you have to be sure of your boudaries. Major burnout dangers there. The relationship might be short compared to say Namjoon’s or Tae’s reading. It’s Yoongi’s part to make this last if that’s what he’s going for. It’s a sword card, there have to be efforts and mental clarity involved to solve the problem. Though, someone rushing towards their love interest with so much passion has a good reason why he or she does that. Yoongi could get snatched away by someone else, with so many people interested in him you really have to be determined. With the archetype being a knight I also know it’s going to be someone younger than him, there’s a certain rebellion to the card. It has military energy. Yoongi’s partner will be one outrageous and direct person. They are 100% unafraid to face off with Yoongi, they have better comebacks than the master of sharp remarks himself. When it comes to sex, Yoongi will probably forget his own damn name after that ride. This person is wild as hell. It’s not a fellow sleepyhead as we saw in the ideal type reading, but a S/O bringing him out of his dreamy world. There’s a strong encouragement for Yoongi to achieve a lot more when he enters that relationship, it’s a power up to be expected here.

— angel card: “Worth the Wait — Divine timing predicates your relationship.”

Namjoon: TEN OF PENTACLES

Nice! Wow. The tarot says Namjoon is blessed. This is the card of wealthy, happy old age. He’s headed right for it already. In all tarot suits, the 10 indicates fulfillment. E.g. the Ten of Cups shows relationship completion because cups stand for love, the Ten of Swords shows total defeat because swords symbolize conflict, the Ten of Wands signifies complete effort/exhaustion since wands represent impetus. So the Ten of Pentacles equals coming full circle in terms of material things as pentacles are responsible for all tangible value in life. He’ll be living blissfully with his S/O. Everything is cared for. We’re talking long-term relationship here. The card shows an old man settled in his favorite coat and spot. Namjoon has a kind of master plan to gently arrive in his 80s, 90s. It’s not a surprise, we know he looks ahead, the tarot is aware of it, too. And yes: He will finally be able to answer his question “Who the hell am I?”. Ten of Pentacles means: Identity found. I had to wipe away a tear for that one man. I think it has to do with the location. The setting of the card is like a polished type of town with castles. A bit Italian, Mediterranean. Not as modern as say Seoul, bigger cities. It could be him moving to a warm country where things are slow, antique, and indulgent. I once said Namjoon has a type of European mindset going on, if he moves there it with his loved one or his partner is European it wouldn’t be shocking. There are two dogs on the card so, Joon will have pets involved in the partnership. The 10 of Coins also shows a couple immersed in a chat. His S/O is primarily someone he can talk to about the world, it’s a very conversation-heavy union. Now, the old man on the card could also show that he finds another old soul— we’ve had that topic come up in the other readings as well, the tarot is sure he’ll meet someone on par. Earth sign energy here.

— angel card: “Love Without Fear — Open your heart to give and receive the highest of energies.”

Hobi: THREE OF PENTACLES

Even more pentacles. Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn is possible. His partner is a darn good team player, their friendship bond is strong. First thing that came to my mind, they’ll build a house together or get busy working around their home in some kind of way, that’s interestingly enough the central theme I get from the card. Distribution of chores and general tasks is a big thing, and they’ll be planning a gazillion industrious things from what I got through the imagery. There’s an abbot, architect/craftsman, and monk seen on that card working on a church wall embellishment. One gives directions, the other has drawn a sketch that illustrates what kind of decor the abbot wants to have on the church wall, and the third guy does the crafting, hammer and chisel in hand. It’s not a love-related card per see so it’s important to point that out. It could hint at some pretty huge artistic collaborations coming our way instead. If you combine that, it could happen in a way like… Hoseok gets with someone he collaborated/collaborates with sometime soon, or a little later. Yup. Chicken noodle soup with Becky G on the side! Their chemistry is amazing and she is so cute, it’s very much possible. Or, in a wider sense, it’s someone from an upcoming project. That’s interesting. It seems quite sure that Hoseok won’t retire after BTS even if he’s pretty damn rich already, he’ll stay in the industry and foster (=embellish) his career with a strategy behind it much like the abbot on the card. We’ll get to know his partnership(s) along the way, but the tarot says it’s not top priority. Pentacles are earth sign energy so Mercury, Saturn and Venus are what will dictate that union, it’s the overall pragmatic energy that’s taking center spot. Also, since the church is so prominent on the card, Hoseok is working towards marriage nine times out of ten.

— angel card: “Fresh Love — A new person has stirred your romantic feelings.”

Jimin: FIVE OF SWORDS

That one is… sigh. The odd one out in this post. How do I put it. It’s a series that just doesn’t break. Jimin constantly gets the messy cards and not so love-friendly swords when I do relationship readings on him. There is something going on and I kind of hate it already. But the tarot is being adamant so we have to decipher what’s going on and see the resolution, there’s more to it than just the cards doing him dirty. The Five of Swords pictures a battle aftermath with a mischievous winner and two defeated parties walking away sore. The winner picks up the weapons left behind to hoard then. So when it comes to his future S/O, we’re talking someone wants to play win-lose with Jimin’s insecurities and will get away with it because they’re strong, sly, and full of themselves. They don’t have his best interests in mind, especially when quarrels go down. Lack of harmony overshadows the relationship. There’s some major bullshit and that’s scary. The partner is like a leech, leaving only Jimin pissed, it’s not a lose-lose situation, things are wholly unequal. Picking on Jimin leaves their ego inflated and intensifies resentment. Working against each other over working with another is going on. Jimin has to walk away from that situation and mend his wounds, and never return. It’ll be a period of growth in his life ahead where he becomes aware just how giving too much and being defeated by that does him no good, as well as learning how to spot douchebags who don’t care about him. The Five of Swords is among the quintessential breakup card, it’ll be what defines his future relationship unless or until he has the grit to stop the fight and search for equity and affection instead of put-downs.

— angel card: “You Deserve Being Loved — You’re worthy of love.”

Jin: SIX OF PENTACLES

Pentacles, pentacles everywhere. I see that the hyungs have some financial themes going on, Jin’s card is emblematic of that. First let’s have a look what’s going on with the imagery. A wealthy man holds a scale on this card. He distributes coins to poor men kneeling before him. It’s an interesting symbol for a relationship, if not for another more important area of Jin’s life which could very well be philanthropy. He is the wealthy man on the card, sharing in just ways as the scale indicates. That could be providing for his partner a lot or simply doing charity together with them. I do have to say, and that is similar to Hoseok’s card, I don’t see too much of a romantic theme here which is surprising, but the tarot knows its ways. Some members might be doing partnerships much later in life or eschew them. With Jin here, I get a sense that business relations and deals will be an overarching theme in the near future. It could be the situation with his dad’s business in Germany the card is hinting at, and if marriage is involved, there’s a major exchange of valuable ideals and things involved between parties. A recurring theme is class difference though, the same popped up in the last reading. Jin’s status will be much, much higher but he can tip things into balance with a fairness mindset, Libra energy. A huge gap will be bridged. Last but not least, mea culpa: I think I’ve been missing the obvious interpretation there. The signs are everywhere in the cards for his readings, and oh my god: Jin is the member who’ll get together with a fan.

— angel card: “Children — Kids will have an influence on your love life.”

#PS: i already pulled the career reading cards this week and i can say #u can def look forward the results were interesting #bts tarot reading #anon #cub mail 🐅#tarot #bts tarot #bts

472 notes · View notes

omgrachwrites · 4 years

Text

May Queen (Loki Laufeyson)

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x OC

Summary: Astrid, the princess of Vanaheimr relocates to Asgard to seal a betrothal to the youngest prince and an attempt to escape unforeseen forces. She soon finds happiness and a multitude of new friends. Unfortunately treachery and deceit lie in the court of Asgard in unlikely places, and she learns that true love never dies.

Warnings: fluff, little bit of angst

Words: 1915

A/N: Sorry that this was a bit short you guys and this fic went off on a totally different track! I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think, I love you all very much! xxx

Part Eleven - Once Upon A Time in New York City

Astrid smiled prettily over her jewelled goblet of honeyed mead as she sat in her garden with Ingrid and her entourage of ladies. She liked this group of women well enough but she felt like she couldn’t be herself around them, she always had to put up a façade. Being engaged to one of the crowned princes of Asgard meant a lot of sitting around and looking pretty. Though that had all been well and good when she lived in Vanaheimr she had a whole new outlook on life ever since Arna had attempted to kill her.

Feeling a cool hand on her shoulder, Astrid looked up and smiled when she saw that it was Loki, his other hand was shielding his eyes against the harsh sunshine, “my father has called me to the council chambers, finally,” he was smiling but Astrid couldn’t mistake the bitter undertone in his voice, “I’ll see you later, okay?” he smiled and kissed her goodbye before striding out of the garden.

As soon as he had left, all of the girls swooned and cooed at Astrid, practically falling all over the table, “he must love you very much,” Helena, one of the ladies grinned and Astrid smiled tightly before changing the subject to that of a passing handsome Lord that was staying at the palace and Loki was forgotten. Luckily for Astrid, the ladies had a very short attention span.

Later on that afternoon Astrid was showing Queen Eira around the garden, the world that she had created was so fine that even tiny winged imps came and went, just to smell the flowers. Eira smiled as she linked her arm through her daughter’s, “this is a really beautiful place, all of your own. I’m very proud of whom you’re becoming and your father would have been very proud too,” the Queen grinned at her daughter before her face fell slightly, “but you’re not completely happy are you? What’s the matter sweetheart?”

Astrid sighed as she rested her head on her mother’s shoulder, “it’s this dream that I had a few weeks ago, about a room, encased in ice and it was snowing. There was a man shackled in there with icicles all over his face and snow in his eyebrows, he looked frozen half to death but somehow he was still alive. He spoke to me.”

“What did he say?” Eira asked and Astrid looked at her mother, there was a peculiar look in her eyes, it wasn’t fear or surprise. It was something else; they were almost blank, devoid of all emotion.

“He told me not to drink the wine, whatever I did, I mustn’t drink the wine. I don’t know what wine he was talking about,” the thought of it still sent shivers down her spine.

“Oh sweetheart, it was just a dream, try not to think about it. Now, how about we have a lemon cake?” Eira grinned before going to sit beneath the marquee.

Astrid sighed and smiled at Mara who came walking up beside her, her handmaiden smiled prettily and linked her fingers through Astrid’s, just like they had done when they were younger, “maybe your mother is right Astrid. Dreams can’t come true, even dreams with warnings in, please don’t take any heed. It’s troubling you and I hate to see you troubled,” Mara offered her a dimpled smile.

Astrid smiled, feeling a little bit better, “perhaps you’re right, and you know there’s an old wing of this palace that’s been locked up for years. But, I’m working on getting the key,” adventure and excitement was sparkling in her eyes, apart from the dream this was all she’d been thinking about, “who knows, maybe Odin will give it to us as a wedding present.”

Mara smiled and rolled her eyes that would never happen, not in a million years, “I’ll have a look for you if you want and I’ll try and get it. Nobody really notices a handmaiden, not even the future Queen’s.”

“I’m so glad that I’ve got at least one true friend here,” the princess grinned.

Astrid sighed in frustration as another one of her arrows missed the massive target, “and my mother tells me not to worry! I’m so frustrated that I’ve become complete rubbish at archery!” she complained, throwing her bow down before she picked up a piece of lemon cake from the tray situated on the table behind her and she took a bite out of it.

Quickly, she grabbed the dagger from Loki’s belt and threw it at the target; she was satisfied when it hit the target with a loud thunk. Loki chuckled as he stood behind Astrid, his hands ghosting over her waist, “pick your bow back up, my sweet.”

Astrid frowned, she was starting to feel frustrated with him too, never mind his honeyed words but she humoured him and picked up her bow, “what are you doing?” she smiled, her breath catching in her throat as she felt his hands on her waist.

“Adjusting your stance,” he said simply but she could tell that he was smirking.

“I know how to shoot an arrow, you know,” her words contradicted her earlier performance but she really did know how to shoot one and usually she was very good at it.

“Then prove it love,” he whispered into her ear before kissing her shoulder.

Astrid flushed and she did prove herself, as she fired the arrow it found its home in the target, right next to the dagger. Loki chuckled and pecked her cheek before walking over to the target and he took his dagger out. Astrid rolled her eyes as he sauntered back over to her, that stupid smirk playing on his lips, “I bet you do that with all the girls,” she giggled and Loki shrugged nonchalantly.

“Just the beautiful princesses’ with long dark locks and who look especially pretty in red,” he gestured to her blood red dress before he leaned in to kiss her.

“You must think you’re pretty amusing hmm?” Astrid smiled against his lips before capturing them one last time before pulling away.

“I like to think so yes,” he grinned as he took her hand, “come with me. I’ve got something to show you, something amazing.”

And so, Astrid followed him all the way down the bifrost, past the gatekeeper – he didn’t say anything but he watched the pair with strange orange eyes – and into a strange room that Astrid had never seen before. She gave Loki a raised eyebrow before walking over to one of the windows, she peered out and gasped, she was expecting to see Asgard but that wasn’t what she saw.

Instead, she saw a busy land below with metal carriages trundling along the roads and there were structures that almost reached the sky. Although, it was grey and rainy in that land, it was still one of the prettiest sights that Astrid had seen in a long time.

“What is this?” she gasped in amazement and Loki came to stand at her side.

“It’s a portal to Midgard, the human world, and I believe this particular town is called London. I’ve seen pictures and maps of it in the books in the library.”

“Why are you showing this to me now though?” Astrid asked, still not seeing the point of all of this.

Loki ran a hand through his hair before fiddling with his fingers somewhat nervously, “well, I know that you’ve been feeling down and you’re not particularly happy here but I want to show you there’s another world out there. A world where you can be happy, if only for a couple of days.”

“But, what about your father? He’ll notice won’t he if we suddenly go missing?”

Loki scoffed at the mention of his father, “well, I’ll do him the courtesy of telling him before we leave but he won’t care all that much. I’m not the prodigal son, I’ve got a lot more freedom,” he hesitated, “so would you like to go?”

Astrid smiled and cupped his cheek before kissing him, “right now?” she asked hopefully and he nodded.

“Yes well, we’ll have to pack a few things up.”

“I’d love to go to Midgard with you Loki,” she beamed and Loki nodded, looking pleased with himself.

“Where would you like to go?”

Astrid smiled, she didn’t know anything about Midgard so she couldn’t possibly choose, “just somewhere far away, where people aren’t trying to assassinate me,” she giggled, trying to make light of her predicament.

“Your wish is my command princess,” he grinned as he held out a hand, “let’s go and pack a few things up and then we can be on our way.”

----------------------------------------------

Soon after, Loki and Astrid landed in Midgard, in a swarming city alive with so many smells and bustling people. The air was grey and heavy with smoke and it made Loki cough, it wasn’t exactly the most beautiful place but when he looked at Astrid and saw her face lit up with happiness he decided it didn’t matter whether it was beautiful or not. He wasn’t too sure where they were but it definitely wasn’t London, although the huge buildings nearly kissed the sky, just like in London.

“Where are we?” Astrid asked, almost as if she could read Loki’s mind.

“I’m not completely sure,” he mumbled, looking around for some sort of indication, he saw black and white papers on the stand next to them and one look at the front page told him where they were, “we’re in New York City.”

Being on Midgard was certainly interesting; it was amazing to see how the mortals carried out their tiny little ordinary lives. Loki and Astrid amused themselves by strolling around the city and marvelling at how different things were here. Loki had even managed to procure some mortal money and they’d managed to get some food. The food they were eating were called hot dogs and they were kind of disgusting but Astrid seemed to really enjoy it, though it wasn’t food that was fit for a princess.

It was when they were walking down that infernal alleyway that things changed – maybe they’d changed for the better though – as they were walking through they saw a tiny little man getting attacked by men that were twice his size.

“Stop it!” Astrid shouted, pulling out her dagger before Loki could stop her.

The men paused and looked at her, then at each other before bursting out into laughter, “are ya gonna cut us up princess, huh? Is that what ya gonna do?”

As the men mocked Astrid Loki felt cold rage rising up his body, he felt it go up his throat and onto his face, “you heard her,” he almost growled. The attackers looked at him, their faces going white as they ran off, pushing and shoving each other as they went.

“Gosh, are you alright?” Astrid asked before running over to the hurt man.

“I’m fine,” he winced, “thank you, but who are you two?”

“I’m Astrid, and this is Loki. What’s your name?”

Before the man could answer there were footsteps in the alleyway and a voice called out, “goddammit Steve! Why do you always get yourself into these situations?” the handsome man in green stopped when he saw that his friend wasn’t alone.

“Who are you?” Loki asked, narrowing his eyes, the stranger had his eyes fixed on Astrid.

“I’m Bucky Barnes,” the man smirked.

----------------------------------------------

@void-imaginations @theonelittleone @for-the-love-of-the-fandom

#loki #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki marvel #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki fic #loki fluff #loki imagine #tom hiddleston #marvel #marvel fic #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #bucky barnes #steve rogers #may queen

8 notes · View notes

pplydm · 4 years

Text

ePUB #32

Title: The Big Finish Author: Brooke Fossey

Commenced May 5 2020, Completed May 9 2020

My previous read employs an elderly nursing home as its setting and includes a 90 year old lead character; here I am again with conditions alike. I surmise this came across my good reads recommendations. I immediately looked for a copy as it was initially stated to be published January 2020. It wasn’t ultimately published until April 2020. From the start, a number of banters and witty one-liners made me chuckle all from a hilarious Duffy, the leading character. Overcoming alcoholism was an issue addressed in this read. I’d remark on the drastic nutty decisions tender Carl and stubborn Duffy were doing and feeling in this but reconsidered their ages. Hoped for a triumphant and blithe ending since I found myself wondering how Josie would get out of abuse and be able to fend and sustain herself. Would the budding romance of Josie and Anderson work out?

I honestly had great expectations for this for I liked its premise. Also anticipated life lessons from this. The scene where they were on Sanger meeting Bates, made me realize the meaningful friendship of both Carl and Duffy who I’d mention to always got Carl’s back. The superb part was when Duffy literally reached his life ending by a sudden attack, he confirmed that God is alive and real. Comprehended now why it’s titled “The Big Finish”.

Goodies of wisdom listed below:

“You sleep good, Mr. Sinclair,” said her disembodied voice. “Tomorrow is a new day.”

That stuff kills you, body and mind, and there are better ways to die.

“Things don’t go rotten unless they’re good first. Otherwise, how would you know the difference?”

“Whatever it is you’re mourning from back when, don’t. It brought you here, now, to do what you’re doing, and what you’re doing is honorable and right.”

But you had to look the loss in the eye, and if you were going to survive it, you had to believe that there were two different parts of every person: the stuff that ended up in the ground and the stuff that didn’t.

The following were my character analysis.

1. Anderson’s dedication for his job at the nursing home makes him a nice guy.

2. Duffy sees his past life, together with his vices on the young Josie but in an opposite gender. If I could talk to Duffy, I’d tell not to worry of his past because he need not to please others. Duffy pridefully confessed and displayed immaturity and I find that too humorous. I however approve Duffy’s manner of dealing with Josie’s major issues however not at first. It was all straightforward and encouraged being wary and courageous enough to face all of the truths in one’s life, even those which hurt.

3. I reckon Josie wanted to stay the weeknights in the Centennial because her abuser looks for her in the nighttime. Josie’s a mess and no nice people should make of fuss of her. Arduous Josie’s putting other peoples lives on the line. Really tried to understand her and the concept of helping her go free from addiction using a geriatric’s guidance. Josie Isn’t special but Duffy and Anderson is all over her and I’m not liking that; she’s a drunk! I would like to blame Josie for everything bad happening but then there’s Carl, her grandfather. I am shifting the blame to him.

Book Discussion Questions

1. Though Duffy and Carl are very different men, they’ve managed to form an inseparable bond. Do you think their friendship is merely a result of necessity and proximity, or do you think that under different circumstances, they would’ve found kinship in each other? What about the other friendships in the book?

- by what I’ve read it did seem they would’ve found kinship in each other as if like bothers by blood. The other friendships definitely developed due to necessity and proximity.

2. How is fatherhood defined throughout the story? How does the absence or presence of fathers impact different characters’ lives? Though all are flawed, which father from the book would you most likely to have, and why?

- fatherhood in the book is defined as a responsibility and a heart felt duty. When one is fatherless, it may be a disadvantage in pursuing the future knowing no one will guide with matters as to being courageous. Duffy is my preferred father from the book because of the way he handled with Josie’s addiction and that he never gave up on her.

3. Consider Centennial’s daily schedule. If you had to pick one day to live as a resident, which would you choose? If you had to room with one resident, who would it be?

- I pick the August 30 Centennial schedule. I would like to room with Alice.

4. Josie‘s journey to sobriety is unfinished at the books close. How to tumultuous do you expect her recovery to be? Do you think Anderson will play a lasting part in it? Do you want him to?

- I don’t think it will be difficult, she already made a few steps and evidently more to go but she could control her vice now. I believe Anderson will play a part in it I don’t know if it’ll be lasting though and yes I want him to be in on it.

5. God’s existence is a reoccurring question that Duffy and Josie both ask. What are the pivotal moments that lead Duffy to form his ultimate conclusion? When imagining Josie’s life beyond these pages, do you think her formative week with Duffy will lead her to have a similar or opposite belief?

- I think it was the serenity prayer before he died and him remembering the dearest people in his life while dying. I personally think Josie wouldn’t be as unconvinced us Duffy because she already had advantage with Duffy assisting her becoming sober.

6. We see how age underlines the experiences and interactions of the characters. Discuss the author’s varying portrayals of society’s treatment of the elderly. Which character do you think most accurately reflects today’s culture? Which character do you think society with aspire to be?

- In this book, the owner of the nursing home is treating her clients like a money pit. Some of the nurses on duty misinterpret the feelings of the elderly in this book, also. They probably assume the old age experience is the same for every old person they tend to. The book accurately reflects today’s culture the way they treat client, Charles. Society should aspire to be like Alice when they get old while being remorseful like Carl for his deeds in the past.

7. Do the characters meet your expectations of how they should think and act, considering their age? Has Duffy, or any of the characters change your perspective about people older or younger than you? If so, how?

- I think most of the characters met my expectations considering their age. Carl changed my perspective about older people, despite the wisdom from older people’s years, they turn too immature and choose shallow judgments.

8. When Duffy speaks about the staff’s apathy toward the antique pocket pistol in his dresser, he states, “People seem to believe its age devalued its purpose.” Discuss the gun’s role in the story as an allegory. Consider its lifespan, from the time it was forged to when it fired it’s final bullet.

- I presume Duffy was comparing the gun to him being an old person. A person who once was strong and brave, alike a gun remains that attribute though aged.

9. If Duffy had more time with Alice, do you think he would’ve had a chance with her? How do you feel about Alice holding on to her husband be on the vow “until death do us part”? In your mind, is there an age limit to romantic love?

- Definitely, Duffy would’ve had a chance. Alice, at her age, had opportunity and should have jumped on it. There is no age limit to a romantic love as long as it’s not adultery.

10. Alice tells Duffy, “Whatever it is you’re mourning from back when, don’t. It brought you here, now, to do what you’re doing, and what you’re doing is honorable and right.” Do you agree with her positive outlook when it comes to playing life’s long game? What other story lines validate her philosophy?

- I highlighted the excerpt and I truly agree. However, at one’s youth, one should totally pick the right decision to avoid terminal regrets. Storyline of Carl is another example.

11. In time, Duffy becomes certain that in order to survive the loss of a loved one, you have to believe that there are two different parts of a person: the stuff that ends up in the ground, and the stuff that doesn’t. Do you agree with Duffy? If not, how does your own belief of the afterlife shape your handling of such a loss?

- I concur with Duffy. I highlighted that excerpt too.

12. What does the title mean to you? In a perfect world,at the end of your life, what does your big finish look like?

- I didn’t occur to me at first but I guess that the title’s telling me to finish the book until its ending. It’s the most special part. In a perfect world, at the end of my life, the big finish would be to not be struggling from physical pains of aging.

1 note · View note

bewareofchris · 5 years

Text

A brief history of character development

that is, my character development in relation to female characters/women in fiction:

I am still in public school, I have this notion that male characters are simply more interesting by default. I tell myself that I identify with them on a more realistic level because I do not understand these lady characters I see presented to me on the screen and page.

I start writing, and like many young writers, have this notion that the only character worth my time is an exaggerated representation of badassery that defies all logic and doesn’t even make sense in the setting in which they exist.

At this point, very early on in my story telling career, all women who are written exist only to further the more important story lines of the men who are semi-interested in their existence. Wives exist only to exalt their husband’s virtures and/or compliment their strengths. Daughters exist only to highlight how gloriously good at everything their fathers are and/or how much better the sons are. Sisters exist only to make their brothers lives simpler by dealing with anything that requires domestic effort. Mothers largely do not exist but if they do, they are patient and angelic and often dead.

Women are often portrayed as ‘harpies’ or ‘bitches’ or ‘illogical’. They have ridiculous desires and expectations that try to to impose limits on the whims of the men they are attached to. Their only personality at this point is to try to domesticate/capture their men and therefore ruin the man’s infinite potential.

Women are, more often than not, murdered, abused or dead

Nobody notices or cares the horrors the women of the story live through, and when any woman tries to point out these abuses, they are ignored or condescended to. The Men have Survived Worse

Women are sexually subservient, totally and completely at the mercy of the men’s wants and desires and always, always praising any affection or satisfaction they get

I am out of school now

There are now Exceptions to this rule, the Woman who is Basically a Man. She does not give a shit about anything. She things other women are stupid. She doesn’t go in for fashion, love, make up, children or anything that might be considered traditionally feminine

I am still incapable of identifying with any women I see on screen and I don’t care. Men tell better stories

(IF you didn’t already know, I am a woman. Who, unfortunately, wasn’t terribly good at caring about other women.)

Mothers become more important, because they are saintly and they teach their sons important lessons about life/love/whatever this story is about

This Continues for Longer than I Care to Say.

Change starts with the introduction of a radical idea of Bad Mothers.

Bad Mothers are not bad people, they are simply women who do not prioritize their kids as the single most important accomplishment in their lives. They exist as whole individuals who make choices that aren’t always the best, but are understandable considering where they are in their lives and what circumstances they are experiencing

Bad Mothers lead to the realization that Women (shockingly) might just be people.

This notion allows all women to have actual valid opinions. Girlfriends who don’t want their boyfriends to be arrogant, over powered pricks? That is a totally and wholly logical thought. It is treated as such

Men who cheat on their wives in stories have guilt, and the pain they put their loved ones through is actually important as opposed to being unreasonable

Women suddenly start developing storylines

“Strong Women” are a popular part of this section of my development

I realize that creating women just to murder them for the benefit of men and their storylines is stupid, and if a Man can’t be Great without having a dead significant female he isn’t actually that fucking great to start with.

Enter the Significant Females who, instead of dying to provide a motivation for the men in their lives, are important, reliable allies in the men’s lives. Sisters and Grandmothers are huge now. Suddenly those overlooked, useless, whiny, unreasonable ladies are Real People who have an Important Impact on the world around them.

Sisters are not angels, they simply have their own lives and motivations but do show up to help/have made an impact.

All women are flawed, and they start to vary in likes/dislikes and personality

(Yes it took me over a decade to get a point where I could accept the most basic idea that women aren’t all copies of each other and should be treated as individuals in fiction. I have never been more angry at myself and media and fiction in general than I was at this point.)

At this point, women are fantastic side characters but I still cannot write one as a main character

Gradually, as well as differing personalities, women develop differing physical traits. Gone are the waif like angels of years ago, gone are the soft and pale ladies that populated all the stories. Lets introduce women who aren’t always beautiful, or even cute, or thin, or white, or soft. Introduce women who have rough hands, and muscles, and bumps and dips and scars and fat and coarse hair and whatever else seemed radical and impossible before

Introduce the woman who is her own sexual creature, the one that doesn’t rely on men to decide what she wants and whether or not she’ll be happy with what her sex partners have to offer.

Gone is the idea of the slut/the whore/or any other stupid notion where women who enjoy sex or seek out sex are in any way dirty or bad. (Although this idea is mentioned, because while my outlook changes, society hasn’t.)

Introduce the idea of a woman with opinions and with ideas and with self-respect who doesn’t bow down to the men around her, or even to expectations of the world itself. In years past this woman is a bitch, now she’s just a person who is fucking tired of the bullshit.

Introduce scary women, who are just as psychopathic as their male counterpoints as years past

Introduce women who are better than men at things, and they’re not pretending otherwise anymore

Introduce women who are emotional, and fragile, and who do want to raise their children and love their husbands and aren’t ashamed of these desires either.

Arrive at a moment, where despite all my advancement and rapid development I discover that I have created a story where 4/5 of the main characters are women who ‘save the world’ and that the vast majority of the men in the story exist to help their female counterpart accomplish this goal. 100% no kidding, have the thought that this story has “too many women” and that it’s “unrealistic”.

I’m a woman. I live with women. I work with women at my job. I don’t particularly enjoy hanging out with most of the men I know so I don’t. My entire life is populated by a variety of women. And I really, actually, no kidding, sat there and thought to myself: “FOUR WOMEN? FOUR WOMEN IN THE SAME STORY?? THAT CAN’T BE DONE!!!! THERE’S NOT THAT MANY WOMEN IN THE WHOLE OF THE WORLD”

Immediately realize that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought in all my life

And here we are, a long long way from where we started and not quite done getting rid of this stupid fucking idea that women are somehow worth less in fiction, that they can’t carry a story, that they can’t be as interesting as men, that they aren’t allowed to be flawed, that there can’t be too many of them.

That the definition of a woman is narrow, and unchangeable, and anything that doesn’t fall within it isn’t worth writing about.

Well, fuck that.

#on writing #all about the ladies

16 notes · View notes

holocene-days · 4 years

Note

hey jemma, would really love some tips about how you've been figuring yourself out, would love to get to that place but difficult to know where to start

ahh hi!

i should probably preface this by saying that this has been a hella long process that’s taken place over the past 2 years.

a lot of this post is gonna be me talking about my experiences bc i’m not really good at the whole second person advice thing. so i hope this is helpful in some way!! also lol sorry this got really long, i just had lots of thoughts

*tw mention of eating disorders, nothing too in depth but just like talk about anorexia and such things*

i kinda started this journey in fall of 2017 when i realized i had lost myself and was struggling severely with an eating disorder and went to see the therapist at my uni who specializes in eating disorders. she diagnosed me with anorexia which was like a major wake up call and i was like jfc who am i what am i doing to myself how did i get this way. i had lost over 20 pounds and was completely focused on how i looked and i felt so out of control of my life and my desires and ambitions that i coped with it through controlling my weight and how i looked. long story short, saw this therapist through fall of 2017 and at the beginning of december had a breakthrough, which was when i said “i don’t want to be thin, i want the things i think being thin will get me”, thus the start of my recovery began.

i then spent 8 months of 2018 studying abroad in london and traveling around europe and met the most amazing people and had some of the best experiences of my life (shout out to my girls matilde @timobeechalamet and megan @blxckisthecolor) and because i was so focused on traveling and school i didn’t really have any sense of self, which actually was quite beneficial because i was trying to recover from this traumatic thing and the distraction of travel and school were very helpful.

went back to the states in dec and graduated from uni this may. spent my last semester focused on myself and finishing my degree and spending lots of time with my friends. and here’s where i really started to work on myself.

i’ve always had lots of anxiety around school and perfection (which is why i initially started seeing a therapist 4 years ago) and it took me a lil while but i’ve realized that i don’t feel these kinds of pressures anymore because i’m out of this environment which was stifling and stressful, i’m able to be myself more. which brings us up to the present day where i now feel like i have the time and comfortable environment to enjoy myself and explore new things.

1. focus on your passions. what do you love? what do you love to do? are there classes you can take to learn more? books you can read? my big love is acting so i got a degree in it and then went to LA this summer for a month and a half to go to a film acting school and through that program learned SO much about what i want from myself as an artist. i watch lots of movies and series. find way to incorporate what you love into your daily life. take just 30 minutes for it and just focus on it. i find that keeping a tag on here of things that inspire me artistically can be really helpful bc if i’m ever feeling uninspired or stuck i can go back and look through the posts and get mentally back on track with my passion.

2. writing. i’ve been keeping a journal since i was about 15. i don’t really make diary entries in it but i love lists and making lists about concepts or themes or aesthetics. i recently made a list of all of my favorite meals this way in case i don’t know what to make, i have a basis to go back to of things i know my body loves. some nights i just come up with an idea and i take out my journal and just write and don’t edit myself. just keep the ideas going. no detail is too small. it’s just really nice to have a place with all my thoughts and ideas and feelings. writing is really cathartic for me.

3. bullet journaling. my bullet journal is separate from my other journal and in it i keep my month and mind in check. i draw out each month and write down thoughts and goals of things i want to do for the month. i have pages about the law of attraction and new things i want to try and quotes about acting and being an artist. it’s such a great way for me to customize my life in a sense and have a book of my current life and thoughts to refer to.

4. your space. i am that girl who always has clothes on her bedroom floor, and everything is typically very messy. but that shit stresses me out so much. and so in an effort to try to have more peace in my life, i’m trying to do better about it. literally yesterday i deep cleaned and redecorated half of my bedroom and put in a bookshelf from my dad’s office and put lots of plants and books on it and wow it really transformed my room. it was SUCH a simple thing that took like an hour but really changed the whole vibe of my room. your room is you lil home in ur apartment or house and it needs to be your happy, chill space where you feel comfortable. putting in effort in your room seriously changes so much about your mental attitude. i’m trying to get in the habit of making my bed each morning and it’s been v helpful!!

5. ya body. i think taking care of your body is so incredibly important in your self discovery journey because it affects how your brain works and your outlook on yourself and the greater world. bc of my ed my sense of body has been real fucked for so long (i’m talking like 10 years :))))) ). here’s how i got to a better place with it 1. lots of therapy lol. 2. reminding myself that my body is a living, breathing animal that requires food to function and movement to feel good. breaking the idea of movement (i.e. working out) away from the idea of being skinny has been hard but intensely helpful and effective in the way i view my body. i focus on movement. not working out, not burning calories. things like walking, biking, dancing, ice skating are all physical activities i really enjoy that don’t feel like working out. food is a whole other beast. i totally still struggle with food sometimes but it’s getting better. i’ve been focusing a lot on intuitive eating over the past couple months (these posts by @heavyweightheart have been so incredibly helpful in teaching me about this) and that food list i made a few days ago is also really helpful. my advice would be eat what feels good to your body and makes you have energy and feel good. stay active in your life and move in ways that also feel good. the more i take care of my body, the better my mind feels and the more in touch with myself i am.

6. back off instagram. that shit is... not great. i mean, it def has its moments (and memes) but overall i just feel like insta is a place where people post photos of their “perfect life moments” and want their friends to validate it. and then there’s all those influencers on there and so many insta stories and it’s just really overwhelming. if you really like instagram and don’t feel like it’s anxiety inducing then def keep it! but also know that it’s okay to step back from it for a lil bit. it really helped me to feel more present and not continuously compare myself to others and feel a need to post if a cool thing happened. it’s been nice to be more private and keep things for myself.

7. patience. remembering that things take time and what you want is achievable you just have to keep goings. try new things. change your approach, allow yourself to fail. learn from the failure and do better next time.

8. kindness. towards yourself and others. really putting in the effort to be kind to people in your everyday life makes SUCH a difference and really brightens their day and yours as well. putting out good vibes brings back good vibes, which then allows you to feel better about yourself and more in tune with others around you.

i’m going to stop this here bc this is so fucking long at this point lol i’m so sorry for that but i hope some of this was helpful pls let me know!!

#tw: eating disorder #ask

2 notes · View notes

kyojuuros · 5 years

Text

Guess I’ll write some semblance of a proper chapter reaction.

I’ve been very open about my appreciation for Zeke as a character. He’s easily snuggled himself into a place among my favorite characters because I have found him extremely fascinating (and memeable, so bonus points for that haha). I’ve also been invested in his relationship with Eren and where the plot is going to take that. This chapter solidified his place as one of my favorite characters in the series.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I agree with him. I very heavily disagree with his endgame. But Isayama, for me, finally made him an undeniably sympathetic antagonist and this chapter was heavy and hit me hard. There are many things about Zeke’s childhood that I think can speak to many of us.

Having a lot of pressure and expectations thrown on you by your parents can be extremely overwhelming as a child. Grisha was a man passionate about his dreams, ideologies and goals. Liberio is a cage and him and his people deserve to be free from it. The world is wrong, so he wants to change it. Zeke was a child born in hopes that they would have a savior. When the warrior program was announced, Grisha and Dina took that as the opportunity to indefinitely make Zeke their savior. Zeke will join the warrior program, he will go to the island, he will take the Founding Titan and he will save the people of Eldia. It has to be him. No one else can do it.

There’s a lot to be said about parents who push their ideologies on their children, who pressure them into becoming who the parents want them to be regardless of what the child’s own wants and needs. Zeke’s parents, Grisha especially, perfectly embodies this type of parent. The ones who try to live vicariously through their children and desire for their child to lead the life they never could themselves. Grisha can’t be Eldia’s savior, so his son will be instead.

Grisha never once really tried to listen to Zeke or pay attention to him. It was always, “warrior program” this, “study” that. When Zeke had something he wanted to say to Grisha, he was always interrupted, told “we’ll talk later” and then instead was put to work. When he voiced his concern for his parents’ safety, Grisha lashed out on him and made him to feel guilty. Zeke hardly goes more than 4-5 pages in this chapter without us seeing him crying because he either 1) can’t live up to his parents expectations and is hurt by their disappointment or 2) his parents are completely dismissive of him and never taking into account his wants, needs, and concerns.

He was a kind, sweet boy who just wanted to make his parents proud of him and love him. When they praise him and reinforce him it feels great but those moments are rare. He just wanted to make them happy, but it was never enough. Nothing was ever enough. This is heavily damaging to a child. To their worldview, to their self worth. It’s rare, if not impossible, to see a child grow out of this kind of parenting situation with total confidence or a wholly positive outlook on the world.

Then he meets Xaver who was suffering from his own sorrow and hoped to see some of his own deceased son within Zeke. They form a semblance of a father/son like relationship. Xaver gets to bond with a child and help him develop and grow while Zeke gets to have someone to play with and talk to, to reach out to when he needs someone. Xaver becomes someone that Zeke loves, appreciates and even idealizes. They develop a loving bond and care for one another.

When Xaver comes to understand the truth about Zeke’s parents and how that heavily endangers this child he’s grown to love and care about so much, he urges Zeke to take action to preserve his own life. He hammers it in home to Zeke that his parents don’t truly love him for who he is, and that pushes Zeke to finally give them up to the Marleyan authorities and solidify a place in the warrior program due to his overwhelming loyalty to his motherland. He abandons the parents who never loved him and trades it for his grandparents who always showed him care and concern, and the mentor who he idealizes.

In the end, the two of them come to the conclusion that it would have been better never to have been born. Zeke is told that the Founding Titan can manipulate Eldian DNA, thinks back to the janitor who asked why the devils keep breeding more devils, and concludes that the world is better if Eldians stop being born. Xaver reinforces this by sharing his own experience and agreeing that things would have been easier if he had never existed.

Eldians suffer because of what they are and nothing will ever change that. The world suffers because of their fear of Eldians and nothing will ever change that. So together Xaver and Zeke conclude the only salvation for Eldians and everyone else is to eradicate the Eldian race so no one has to suffer anymore.

This is what drives Zeke now. He wants to make his former mentor proud of him. He wants to see that the ideal world they believed in together will someday become a reality. He will do this for the one man who truly listened to him and cared for him for who and what he is. He will be Eldia’s savior by ending their suffering.

So it makes sense now, why he shows no remorse about killing Mike, for transforming Ragako into titans and killing them, for killing off the Survey Corps who he saw as pitiful. In his mind, he is saving these people and so there is nothing to be remorseful about. He is righteous in his actions, he is their savior. It makes sense now, why he wanted to frame Paradis as evil and make them the target of the entire world. Paradis will be wiped out by the world. In the meantime, he wants to get to Eren and activate the coordinate so that he can rearrange Eldian DNA so the rest of the Eldians in the world will stop having babies and all die out. Within 100 years, Eldians will no longer exist, and Zeke will die with that peace of mind at the end.

It begs the question: If Grisha had valued Zeke more as his son, as an individual person who requires love and attention, if he had listened to Zeke and played with him... Would Zeke have been left to feel it’s better not to exist in this world? Or would he have felt valued and loved and saw the beauty in his own corner of the world and be at peace with it?

Grisha, after Zeke handed him over to Marley, realizes that he was a horrible father. He laments that he did not pay more attention to Zeke and he comes to realize that he should have simply loved his family, rather than impose his views and wishes on his son the way he did. He agonizes over it and believes he is not worthy of life. But Kruger pushes him forward, sends him to Paradis, and Grisha gets a second chance.

Grisha did a much better job when it came to raising Eren. He listened to him, he showed him care and love. On top of this, Eren had Carla, who valued Eren and believed him to be important and special simply for having been born in this world. Carla didn’t think Eren needed to be anyone great. He was good enough just the way he is. This is a stark contrast to Zeke who was made to feel that he was only worth a damn if he became a special person.

Yes in the end, Grisha pushed a heavy burden onto his son, but Eren’s perception of the world is significantly different than Zeke’s and that there is where the biggest difference lies. Like Grisha, Eren believes that he is unfairly caged and that his people deserve better. However, unlike Grisha, Eren has come to see that all people in the world are essentially the same, regardless of their race and circumstances. Everyone has a role and purpose, everyone is special in their own way. Everyone is born and that means something, it’s worth something.

Eren and Zeke are complete opposites of each other. They are results of their environment. Zeke sees death as the only salvation for the world. Eren values life above all things.

I feel a great sense of clarity after this chapter. I feel a lot of relief in understanding who Zeke is as a person and what drives him. It’s also helped me to reinforce how I feel about Eren’s current actions. Because I truly don’t see Eren every agreeing that eradication of his entire race is the answer. His people are worth something. They have a right to life just like everyone else. They have a right to freedom. They have a right to live their lives as they see fit so long as they do not impose on anyone’s else’s right to life. This is something that has always been true of Eren. I see no reason why that would have suddenly changed.

My theory now is that Eren learned of Zeke’s true intentions and decided he was the only one who can stop this fate. I don’t know what his end game will be. I’m truly hopeful that it will be a way to take the power of the titans away from the Eldian people, but I can’t say if that’s even possible for sure. Killing them all is not the answer.

If that final panel is Eren holding a baby (probably Historia’s baby) then that leaves a very poignant type of imagery at the end. I think it’s proof that Zeke’s plan will fail and that Eldia will survive. If it’s Eren holding one of the first born children of the new generation, perhaps the first generation born without the power of the titans, telling them that they are free, that his actions and sacrifices led that child to be able to live the life they want, that they deserve to live... Well, I think that would be a very powerful and satisfying ending for this story.

#snk spoilers #snk 114 #ugh god i'm tearing up ok #calm down heidi it's fiction #UGH GOD

81 notes · View notes

comicteaparty · 4 years

Text

December 28th, 2019-January 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from December 28th, 2019 to January 3rd, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What’s a real-world experience you’ve had that you’ve written into your story?

carcarchu

There's one part in my comic where the main character's roommate uses food to console the main character when she is sad which is an actual thing that my roommate did for me when i was sad xD

kayotics

I’d say most of my main characters are based off of my own real world experience. The most notable thing that’s a real world experience would be Rosemary’s parentage. I also come from a single parent family, so that specific dynamic is directly pulled from my own life.

keii4ii

The themes and such in HoK are reflections of my own experiences and feelings. Feeling left out, betrayed, generally not cared about. Being socially/culturally clueless. But those are broad things. I don't think there's anything ultra specific that mirrors my experience exactly. There was one specific line that I've said (to myself), that the main character was going to say. That scene got heavily revised, though, and the line is no longer in the comic. I like to think of that as the result of my character(s) getting developed. i.e. They're their own persons; they're more than just projections of my own sadness.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I agree about life experiences, but to be specific, the whole Bardic Festival in Court of Roses was based off my experiences of Warped Tour!

Cronaj

My comic(s) also heavily reference my real life. In WotP, the main similarities are in one of the protagonists' neglect and emotional abuse from his father, and then later, how another character essentially takes up the role of father for him. Also, two of my main characters, Agatha and Maret, are basically a combination of my two younger sisters and I. Mostly their relationship, but Maret (the little sister) actually looks a lot like my youngest sister. In Silent Nocturne, which I am working on scripting and designing characters for, the real-life references are a lot heavier. Part of it has to do with a similar setting, but the two main characters are also directly inspired by my experiences. On one hand, we have Mae, who is from a working-class family and struggles to get by with working multiple jobs, most of which are retail. And her brother's serious autoimmune disease that is really hard to treat, which results in insurance company battles to get his meds. And on the other hand, we have David, a violinist and composer struggling with the woes of having a creative mind. Depression, self-doubt, caffeine dependency, lack of motivation, etc. He also has a neglectful father, and his general outlook on the world is mirrored with my own.

sssfrs

I draw a lot of the emotional elements of my story (Joe Is Dead) from the sudden death of my grandfather a couple years back. Every character in the story processes the death of Joe in a slightly different way and are drawn from the different thoughts and feelings I have had around the topic of death.

All the scenes with sailing & discussion of sailing in the comic is also built on my own experience with sailing over many years and the maritime culture of Boston where I grew up.

khkddn

The high school my main characters go to is a direct rip off of the one I went to. The uniforms are exactly the same and so are the aesthetics and the silly rules :p

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

In a very broad sense, a lot of the strongest emotional bits of Phantomarine are directly drawn from emotions I felt during a health scare many years ago. Almost every main character is affected by similar circumstances, and each of them deals with that ensuing set of emotions very differently. The immediate and unexpected loss of power/control; the fear of permanent change; the possibility of disfigurement; potential societal stigma; a sudden, crippling awareness of mortality - but more than anything, the embracing of a “new normal” that can still be awesome and fulfilling. I never intended for the emotional beats to be drawn from my own experience, but heck, that’s that strongest set of emotions I’ve ever felt - it makes total sense. And for the surface level stuff, lots of memories of boats and ocean related stuff - paddleboarding, beaches, summer festivals, tropical vacations, seeing marine animals in the wild - just to name a few. That sort of imagery is still strong in my head. So colorful and mysterious!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’d say I draw quite a lot from my own experiences, especially because I use my comics as vessels to work through my PTSD. But most of of how I use my own experiences it isn’t very ‘visible’, because it’s usually through how characters are processing their traumas. The only instance where I can really draw a direct parallel from my own life to a scene in a comic would be during this segment in Children of Shadow (CW: blood and gore): https://www.flowerlarkstudios.com/comic/chapter-8-take-my-hand/page-08-08/ When faced with a giant monster roaring in his face, Anor has a deer-in-the-headlights moment where he’s completely frozen in shock. I once had a similar (though much less dire) incident where I was face to face with a very hungry, very angry wild bear who was roaring loudly at me from only a few feet away. I completely shut down and was unable to move until the bear decided my trash can looked much tastier than I did.

Tuyetnhi

I guess the same for me about having my characters as somewhat of a reflection or influenced from my life. Especially Cara and Richie, the main duo for my comic. Cara's is a culmination of my background being Mixed-Vietnamese and the struggle having to deal with that, and Richie is a mash up of my mother's likes in a man with amped up fantastical elements from my favorite shoujo mangas lmao. There's one scene particular between Cara and her friend that was basically a conversation I had about dating years back, though I didn't admit anything at the moment. Also when Cara's parents had set up a date for her was also something I witnessed between my sister and a guy we knew years ago. My mother and his mother were trying to get them wed but it failed lmao. Not sure why it stood out to me, but it's something I remember being....scared about. And added that element in the story lol.

the fear being arranged into a date when you're not full into it really hits home.

snuffysam

In terms the characters - most of them are either based off myself or people I know. Like, Taci is based off a friend of mine who is consistently confident about wrong information. In terms of the story events - no, but that would be wild, huh? Occasionally a line will be based off something one of my friends said though. For instance - a show we were watching once had a villain that we knew going in would have a redemption arc. And each time the villain got beaten, one of my friends would shout “oh, he’s good now!”. This was referenced on this page: http://sgkdr.webcomic.ws/comics/540, where King Zebugu claims that he’s already had his redemption arc.

Respheal

I always thought Galebound's plot and characters were pretty removed from my own life, but sometimes looking back I'm just like......yeeeeeaaaaaaaah Like one of my most vivid memories growing up was getting into a heated argument with my mom about how I didn't want to go to church and she yelled at me that it was the devil keeping me out, to which I yelled back "Why can't I make my own decisions?" So uh. That sort of experience is where the Obligation comes from. That and the anxiety growing up in a semi-religious household brings, particularly when that religion makes a big deal out of subservience :V And then more recently, it's hitting me that Conan's relationship with his dad mirrors my own in ways. I always thought I was closer to my mom growing up, but in truth, while I spent more time with my mom, the positive experiences were more often with my dad. A few years back, my dad said some thing that hurt, and for a couple years I thought I hated him when really it was just hurt and betrayal, and we're sorta just reconciling now. Which is kind of what Conan's dealing with, although he doesn't know it yet. His dad leaving hurt, and sometimes that hurt can feel a lot like hate.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

1 note · View note

healerofsins-blog · 5 years

Text

Tips That Help Me Write

Disclaimer: These are things I’ve learned in my fifteen years of writing. These have helped me in the past and future. Hopefully they can help someone else. I have also posted this to a personal Reddit account, so this is mine and not taken by anyone else.

1. It’s okay to let go of an idea.

Too many times I will get stuck in a chapter because I have been set on a singular idea and have to find a way to spin the story around it. It may be work to have to write the idea out of what has already been written, but this frees you from being stuck on something that will hold you back.

But OP the idea has already been written and posted?

That’s okay too. But remember this is your story and your rules. Now I’m not saying that you can bring someone back from the dead and just call it good. You can also make the detail or item less valuable than originally thought. Example, making a scream masked by a noise. If your story is set in the middle of nowhere there are big cats and birds that scream. Owls and cougars can sound like human infants.

2. Sometimes going to the past can help shape your future.

Flack back chapters are a go to for me if I’m stuck with nowhere to go. As I usually write with a very loose script I will write myself into a corner. In order to break the walls down and free myself, I will in turn make a flashback appear. It can be a lesson from long ago, or something that connects a few characters together. Easy way to stall and set some character development.

But Op what if I’m in the middle of a fight or conflict?

This is some of the perfect times for a flashback in my opinion. Give the writers a little suspense. A few may be upset that they don’t get instant gratification, and I understand that completely. It can help you create a power or understand that may not have been there before that can help you propel into the future.

3. Don’t like the rules? Break them.

This is your writing, your story and you can do what you please within it. You are the master and can change anything you want. If you are trying to stay as close to the material as possible it can be as simple as bending the rules for a few seconds. Humans can’t normally pick up cars right? But adrenaline is a hell of a drug. Mothers have literally saved their infants from being under cars by lifting it. I mean they break their bones but again this is writing. Your story your rules.

4. Filler chapters are totally acceptable.

This is one of my important ones. Burnt out on writing those battle scenes or sick of writing smut? Change it up. Character development doesn’t always have to be in the form of conflict. It can be as simple as sitting and contemplating their lives. I am a huge fan of filler chapters, especially with some good character development or some off hand fluff. It gives me a better connection with the characters and in turn I enjoy the story better.

But OP my story is all serious.

Then this is perfect for you. If you hit one more the entire story it won’t have the same impact. For instance if your character always has anxiety it will grow old. Speaking as someone with anxiety. Because I have ups and downs. Your character and story should to. Even in the most dramatic shows and story’s there are moments of relief or happiness. If your characters can’t really portray these things it’s okay to introduce a setting or OC that may be able to.

5. Writers Block? Take a break.

It’s okay to go on a hiatus and make time for yourself. If you want to continue writing try a one shot or some off hand writings for yourself. I have found that completely stepping away from a project and letting my mind run on something new will freshen my outlook on the story and let me keep going. And one shots don’t have the added stress of having a commitment to add chapters. Like the one shot? It’s also okay to keep going. One shots can always be turned into short stories or even a full commitment. But remember that it’s also supposed to help you.

6. Create character flaws.

We are not all powerful. In some situations neither should your characters be. Quirks can be powerful. Living beings are born with faults and differences all the time. Create something that needs to be overcome and boom some more sweet sweet character development as they find ways around it or ways to power through it.

But OP my story is set in a super power universe they are supposed to be this way.

Fair enough, but flaws don’t always have to be weakness. It can be uncontrollable anger. Bouts of sadness or even uncertainty. Even villains aren’t without their flaws.

7. It’s okay to walk away.

If your story isn’t bringing you joy, walk away. Sure your followers may be a little upset, and those who are only following you for this specific story won’t be happy. In the end it’s your life. You have an entire world around you that’s not this story. Sometimes walking away can bring you back. Maybe years later, and maybe never again.

8. You may be sick of reading the same chapter over and over but your readers aren’t.

I am super guilty of this. I will spend a week on a specific chapter and absolutely hate it. It will be the same words over and over and I will grow mad at it. But once I post it the readers will be absolutely in love with it. Remember that you may have seen those words a hundred times, but to them it’s brand new.

9. I don’t think my story is any good because it isn’t popular.

Perhaps not enough love or comments on your story has you down. Remember these few things.

What your writing may be super rare. It may be the only story in this field. I have looked down for something to read and come across different fan fictions that are the ONLY one in its class. Don’t give up, people do read it and will look for it. I have found diamonds hidden away because it wasn’t super popular. I will deliberately go to page 6-8 at first when looking for something to read if there are a ton of dictions.

Your readers may not have an account or have already liked it. On Archive I find myself wondering why I have the fraction of likes as I do views, but it hit me one day. Every time a reader clicks on your story it’s a view, but on some sites like AOE they can only like it once. A lot of people won’t comment simply because it’s not what they do. On Fanfiction it’s easier to see which chapters are liked better than others and they can like every single one, but sometimes they will forget these things.

10.Multiple tags aren’t trashy.

If something new can be tagged DO IT. I cannot tell you the amount of people who told me they read my story simply because the tags. It will help your story reach further as some people will literally hunt for one specific tag when writing.

11. Too short? Too much talking? Getting burnt out on certain scenes? Add details.

You feel like the conversations are taking a lot of space. You’re getting tired of writing he said she said over and over. You want to expand your word count. You’re unsure if it’s enough. Sprinkle that shit like it’s candy.

Eye color, feelings, thoughts, smell, how warm is it, how cold can it get, which way is the wind blowing, is the sun high or low, make inanimate objects flow, make that table in the corner an old splintered health hazard, paint the walls, tile the floors... you can do so much with writing. Craft everything from the smallest detail if you can. I am a sucker for some good details and character development. Is it exciting? Not really, but it adds to your story.

And last for now because this is super long already.

12. This is YOUR story.

As with breaking the rules this is your story. You are doing this for fun. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation if and when you decide to do something. The exception being if you’re being paid to do a certain thing. You decide how the story ends. You are using your craft to create something for free (usually) for others to enjoy. You want to add a super powered robot that can fix everything with some dank magic in a world where fire is the best technology they have? Freaking do it. I have read satire writings and they have been some of the best laughs in my life. Have fun with it. You’re the one writing it.

Feel free to take this and use this to your heart's content.

#fanfic #fanfiction #writing #tips #strategies & tips #writing tips

6 notes · View notes

likelovelikesuicide · 6 years

Text

Underhill - Malec Scenes

So, since the Shadowhunters fandom is stuck in what has to be the hottest mess of a cancellation ever, I decided to finish a fanfic idea that I’ve been working on to accompany the missing Malec scenes I’ve already written.

This is 5 Malec scenes written from the POV of Underhill - and includes 5 scenes of Underhill unintentionally eavesdropping on his favorite couple

Front Lines

Every Shadowhunter knew the name Alec Lightwood, and Shawn Underhill was no different. The Lightwoods had been head’s of the New York institute for many years and their family legacy was one of the longest in the Shadow World. So, when he’d heard that Alec had risked his position, for love no less, he couldn’t help be curious. He hadn’t been at the wedding himself, but if the rumors were true it meant that the eldest of the Lightwood sons and heir to their ancient legacy, was gay.

Just like Shawn Underhill himself, though in his case, no one knew.

Underhill was impressed that, despite being several years younger and openly dating a male warlock, Alec Lightwood had managed to maintain his reputation as one of the best archers the Clave had on record. And though Underhill had never met him, he had taken notice of Magnus Bane before. Any warlock being in the institute raised more than a few noses. An immortal being that the Shadowhunters had to chronicle to keep up with, because he outlives them all. But in the case of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, it was more than that. This man appeared to be eccentric, gorgeous, and impressive even by the Clave’s skewed standards in regards to downworlders.

The first time Underhill sees Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane together is the morning after Valentine’s infiltration of the institute. He’s part of the team searching for stray circle members around the perimeter when they happen upon the Lightwood boy kissing the High Warlock of Brooklyn like his life depends on it. Despite the murmurs from the forming crowd, Underhill understands exactly why Alec had refused a marriage that would have made him Head of the Institute.

----

“Alexander, you cannot possibly think you're responsible for the Seelie’s opinion of your people.” Magnus stopped and turned to Alec in the hallway as they left the ops center. Izzy’s high heels clicking away in the other direction had caused Underhill to look up from his paper work and now he couldn’t seem to look away.

“Not responsible for it, no, but I perpetuated it. I was the one who brought Meliorn in for questioning that almost got him killed. I knew about the Clave using seelie scouts to spy on Valentine. I…” Alec’s insistent voice remained quiet, though Underhill could hear them from his station at the desk.

“Trust me darling, you are not the problem.” Magnus leaned forward, taking Alec’s downcast face in his hands before placing a featherlight kiss on his forehead. Even from a distance, Underhill could see the smile touch Alec’s lower lip. “I dare say what the Seelie Kalie did had more to do with your parabatai’s so called book club than anything else.”

At that, Alec let out a soft laugh. “Right,” He said with a shake of his head that was somehow both fond and annoyed. Alec turned, taking one of Magnus’ hands as they continued walking.

“Besides, in my experience the Seelie Queen is rarely less than hostile.” Magnus pointed out with a flourish as his voice trailed away. Underhill had to shake himself, realizing he’d been staring at the couple, mesmerized by their simple exchange. As he looked around he saw a few people glace towards them, some in distaste, however no one seemed to mind their small display of public affection.

It was an odd thing to see even married Shadowhunters engage in any form of PDA, but Magnus and Alec seemed completely unbothered by any prying eyes.

----

“Ugh, that warlocks here again,” Duncan says under his breath and Underhill follows his eye across the room to where Magnus Bane is striding towards the offices, looking like a million bucks as per usual. “He walks around here like he owns the place.”

“He probably could if he wanted to, and everyone knows that he’s the boss’ boyfriend.” Underhill shrugs, turning his attention back to his work.

“That’s my point,” Duncan says suddenly louder. “It’s bad enough he’s.. ya know, into other dudes like that! But slumming it with a downworlder? and one of his reputation...”

“I assume you’re referring to the Clave’s file on him?” Underhill asks, aware that anything the Clave recorded on the life of an immortal Downworlder should be taken with a grain of salt.

“Yeah, the guys like 400 years old and a total playboy.” Duncan scoffs.

“You do realize warlock’s are immortal right?” Underhill asks, absently turning the page in his report. “And he’s clearly in love with Lightwood, so what’s your problem?”

“Love? Come on, he’s probably like a spy or... or you think the Lightwoods keep him as an asset?” Duncan asked conspiratorially, with something akin to excitement in his voice. Underhill knew that tone because he’d heard it from several Shadowhunters in regards to Alec’s relationship with Magnus. It couldn’t be that they’d simply fallen in love, something fishy had to be going on and someone needed to prove it. Underhill was tired of hearing it.

“I don't think anyone keeps a warlock like Magnus Bane,” Underhill points out, voice turning harsh as he stood up to gather his things. “And by the way, I’m also ya know, into dudes that way. So maybe you should just keep your opinions to yourself.”

---

Underhill is listening intently to Isabelle Lightwood as she’s going over the institute’s updated security plans following the escape of Valentine. Everything would need to be overhauled after checks and scans were complete. Another team had been tasked with determining how Duncan had been compromised, his family slaughtered.

The moment Magnus Bane enters the ops center, the atmosphere changes around them. As usual, the warlock is dressed impeccably and Underhill supposes it’s perfectly natural to stare. The guy was like a walking piece of art, but the murmurs coming from the others at the table were not so agreeable.

They were quickly silenced by Isabelle loudly clearing her throat, her face reminded Underhill of the saying “if looks could kill.” She stared at the group in disgust until Magnus stopped beside her, wearing a contrastingly friendly smile.

“Ah, Isabelle,” Magnus started, rings glistening in the lights of the hologram. “Alexander said you were going over the security breach if I wanted in.”

“Absolutely,” Isabelle dropped her annoyed expression and turned to Magnus, immediately diving back into the plans.

It’s a few hours later and the ops center is relatively quiet when Alec Lightwood returns from a mission. Before discarding his bow, he be-lines for Magnus and is gifted with a sweet kiss that makes his cheeks flush. The only Shadowhunter at the table who doesn’t seem to notice is Isabelle and Underhill figures she must see this sort of thing all the time. Several of his colleagues are noticeably uncomfortable but none of them dare say anything.

----

Shifting through the pages of his report on a shax demon attack in lower midtown, Underhill turned a corner towards the Office of the Head of the Institute and froze. The newly appointed Head of the New York institute, Alec Lightwood, was giggling while sharing kisses with his infamous warlock boyfriend. The two of them had stopped in the doorway to the office with mere inches between them, oblivious to the world around them.

“Now, Mr. Lightwood, let's do keep things professional,” The warlock says as he brushes a hand down Alec’s lapels in a distinctly unprofessional manner.

“Of course, Mr. Bane.” Alec says as he moves them both into his office. “This meeting is to reinstate the institutes contracts with the High Warlock of Brooklyn under our new leadership.”

“Ah, and what lovely new leadership indeed, Mr. Lightwood. However,” Magnus teases, voice drifting from the open door as they stumble together towards privacy. “Some of my services require special attention from the Head of this Institution and I regret to inform you these needs have been neglected under your recent predecessors.”

“In that case, please allow me to assure you, Mr. Bane. You will receive any and all special attention you desire from the Head this Institute so long as I’m in charge…” Alec’s voice trails off as the door swings shut with a swish of blue magic. Smiling, Underhill walks past the office with his report still in hand, certain that his boss doesn’t want this particular meeting interrupted.

Thank you for reading!!! #saveshadowhunters

Previous Missing Scenes:

2.03 - Lost and Found

2.06 - Getaway

2.07/8 - A Place To Belong

2.08/9 - Choice

2.10 - The Outlook at Dawn + (Part #2)

2.12 - Console

2.13 - Amends

2.15 - Secured

2.20 - Recovered

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec fanfic #shadowhunters #sh fanfic #underhill #malec missing canon scenes #by di

83 notes · View notes

drlaurynlax · 5 years

Text

7 Reasons Why Insurance Won’t Pay for Functional Medicine

Functional medicine focuses on getting to the root cause of your problem instead of just treating the symptom.

We are living in one of the worst chronic disease epidemics of all time with 1 in 2 Americans living with a chronic disease (CDC, 2017) caused by preventable lifestyle factors, like nutrition and sleep, and a projected 100,000 doctor shortage by 2030 (Association of American Medical Colleges, 2017).

The solution? If you’re looking to insurance, you may be waiting awhile, at least if you want an option other than the current model, like Functional Medicine or a holistic doctor.

Practitioners who take an “unconventional approach” to medicine by addressing the roots of disease, as opposed to managing symptoms like the norm.

Sound Familiar?

If you’ve ever been to the doctor, you’ve probably experienced the healthcare rabbit hole.

1st Step: Feel sick.

2nd: Step Call the doctor to make an appointment.

3rd Step: Wait 1-4 weeks to get seen.

4th Step: Go to see the doctor. Wait in the waiting room. Chat briefly.

5th Step: Walk out with a prescription or go down a rabbit hole to see another specialist or schedule another appointment.

We ALL know that rabbit hole:

The Rabbit Hole of Healthcare

In the traditional healthcare system, it takes an average of121 minutes each time a person seeks medical care just to get seen. The total includes 37 minutes of travel time, as well as 87 minutes at the doctor’s office or clinic—most of that spent waiting in the waiting room. (Ray et al, 2015)

In fact, the average person only spends 15 minutes of “talk time” with the doctor in a visit (Tai-Seale et al, 2007).

Couple this with the projection tha,t by 2030, America will have a 100,000 doctor shortage (Association of American Medical Colleges, 2017)—unable to meet the “demands” of the, now, 1 in 2 Americans who has a chronic disease (CDC, 2017) and, Houston…we have a problem!

I’ve been there, got the t-shirt.

The Scene: Healthcare & Current Insurance Inefficiencies

I had waited 3-months for the appointment with a local doctor in town.

Nothing unusual—as the “average” wait time to see a doctor nowadays—especially a specialist—is an average of 24-52 days (Merritt Hawkins, 2017). And, not for anything crazy—just an annual “Well Woman” check up.

So there I was in a conventional outpatient clinic, after 3-months of waiting to see the doctor, and here’s what went down under my conventional health insurance…

What Traditional Health Insurance DOES Cover

1. OVERBOOKED APPOINTMENTS:

Traffic was shut down to one lane on I-35 in Austin and I was running right on time to the appointment (not early). I called the office on my way to inform them of the situation, to which they said to still come in.I managed to park in the lot right at 8:35 a.m. and race upstairs for my 8:30 a.m. appointment.

Once checking in with the staff, she told me she’d have to call back to the doctor’s staff (which they had already done) to verify I could get “in.” 10-minutes later, confirmation was given—I could go back to the waiting room.

2. DISORGANIZATION:

However, before being released to the waiting room, ANOTHER hurdle…

Front Desk: “Oh wait a second..you can’t see the doctor, you have an HMO plan,” the front desk girl said.

Me: “My doctor faxed it over 3-months ago when I made the appointment.”

Front Desk: “You will need to fax it again if you want to keep the appointment,” the girl said.

(I quickly texted my doctor—one of my colleagues and now friends—and the situation was resolved).

3. A SYMPTOM-BASED APPROACH:

As I sat in the waiting room, I was asked to complete a one-page form.The only thing the form asked me about was…my symptoms, my brief health history (surgeries, family diseases), if I smoke or drank, and the date of my last period.

That’s it.

No exploration around my current diet, sleep habits, what work I had already done around my gut health, my health goals, my physical activity patterns, food intolerances and beyond.

4. CHRONIC DISEASE SYMPTOMS:

Initially, it only took about 15-minutes once I was in the waiting room to go back to the clinic room. The nurse was very nice and did her routine thing: blood pressure, weight check, heart rate and body temperature. She also asked me the SAME questions on my health form. She was shocked to hear how I had NO diseases whatsoever. My ONLY complaint was chronic constipation. (Apparently she was used to hearing ALOT more).

5. LONG 2-HOUR WAITS:

After our check in, the nurse left me be…for 2 hours.

At one point in my waiting, she actually asked if she could “pull me” out of my room for “about 10 minutes” to go back to the waiting room in order to see another patient.

So I went back to the waiting room where I waited another 45-minutes…

6. NO APPOINTMENTS:

I had booked a 10:30 am appointment with a client of mine—allotting for my 8:30 a.m. doctor visit that morning, thinking I’d have plenty of time in between. 10:20 a.m. rolled around and I was STILL in the waiting room. To say the least, I did not get seen, and the nurse told me she’d call back that evening to reschedule…which did not happen.

The Solution?: People Want to Take Their Health Into Their Own Hands

Many people are looking to take their health into their own hands—with at least 80% of all people seeking out advice on search engines like Google alone (Pew Research Center, 2013).

Others are looking for OTHER options (like holistic doctors, health coaches and functional medicine providers).

According to a report from the National Institute for Health in 2015 alone, researchers found that about 1 in 3 Americans were utilizing some sort of alternative or holistic care out of mainstream medicine (Stussman et al, 2015).

Fast forward to today, and there is no doubt that those numbers are consistent—if not more—with the job outlook for all allied healthcare providers expected to go up by 2026 according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (including occupational therapy, physical therapy, personal fitness training, health coaching, life coaching, acupuncture, chiropractic care and naturopathic or functional medicine).

However, this doesn’t mean these alternative providers are always covered by health insurance.

A common question we as functional medicine practitioners are asked is:

Patient: “Do you take insurance?”

Functional Medicine Provider: To which we most often reply, “No.”

Although many holistic doctors and functional medicine practitioners CAN submit superbills, and SOME CAN reimburse partially for visits or lab testing, generally most holistic doctors and functional medicine practitioners are cash pay.

Why?!

Let me give you 7 reasons.

7 Reasons Why Insurance Doesn’t Cover Holistic Doctors & Functional Medicine

1. Insurance is NOT Patient-Centered.

Functional Medicine is patient-centered. Instead of focusing on numbers-centered or about getting more people in the door, wee typically take time to review your chart well before your appointment.

2. Insurance is NOT Big on Taking Time with Patients.

Functional Medicine takes time. We don’t rush to get you through our churn mill. Typically, you will spend 1-2 hours for your first appointment so your practitioner can truly get to know your story. The doctor will assess your health struggles and your goals.

3. Insurance is NOT Focused on the Whole Body.

Functional Medicine is a “Whole Body Medicine,” taking into consideration all aspects of your health and life. Those that contribute to how you feel and the presentation of disease. It’s different from an endocrinologist who just looks at your hormones and thyroid, an ENT doc who just looks at your ears, nose and throat, or a psychologist who just focuses on your mental health. Functional Medicine acknowledges a respect and awareness of how ALL body systems impact one another, including:

Gut Health

Brain Function

Hormone Health

Detoxification Pathways

Mindset/Mentality

Cardiovascular Health

Immunity

Thyroid & Metabolic Health

Mineral & Vitamin Status

4. Insurance Does NOT Address the Roots of Disease.

Functional Medicine does. Instead of looking to suppress or manage symptoms from the top down, we take a “bottom up” approach. We find and address the triggers and root causes of any disease or symptoms a patient is experiencing. These include bacterial overgrowth and SIBO (connected with skin conditions, chronic headaches, metabolic dysfunction, and GI disturbances), or cortisol imbalances (connected with insomnia, anxiety, blood sugar imbalances, and GI disturbances).

5. Insurance is NOT Focused on Prevention.

Functional Medicine focused on preventing disease, or further decline of health from happening by using laboratory reference ranges (blood work, urine, stool analysis, etc.) that reflect the progression of disease (in order to help reverse it early). We also integrate lifestyle medicine FIRST to support our clients health as a whole. Through a holistic care plan that includes nutrition, supplement, lifestyle healing and stress busting strategies, and physical activity.

6. Insurance Views Functional Medicine as “Quack” Medicine.

Contrary to popular belief, Functional Medicine isn’t about “woo woo” or “voo doo.” Functional Medicine acknowledges the latest in research to influence and support care. In fact, Functional Medicine is simply an approach to medicine. Healthcare says, “Hey guys, let’s address lifestyle factors FIRST and consider all aspects of health—not symptoms—before turning to medicines or negating other factors of our patients’ modern day lifestyles.”

Functional medicine acknowledges science, reason and research for modes of healing and treatment protocols. If anything, is a compliment to the ever-evolving research in traditional medicine.

For example, with the past 3 years of research on the gut microbiome alone (more than 8,000 studies in PubMed), we know that our gut health definitely influences other aspects of our health, including our mood and anxiety levels (Clapp et al, 2017), our metabolism (Boulange et al, 2016) and brain health (Li et al, 2017). In practice, Functional Medicine is more readily able to address gut healing for all types of conditions and diseases.

Another example: when TIME Magazine leaked the “big news” that the sugar industry paid off the FDA to hide evidence that sugar—not saturated fat—was the driver of all disease, Functional Medicine practitioners could further educate their patients as to why butter, bacon and egg yolks are NOT bad. Mainstream medicine on the other hand? Still preaching that saturated fat and high cholesterol are the number one drivers of heart disease. Nevertheless, insurance companies DON’T always look for the research on their own.

7. Insurance is Stuck in the Good Ol’ Days.

If you’ve ever simply tried to call or fax something to your insurance provider, you know the never-ending hold times. In addition, inefficiencies of modern day health care (seemingly stuck in 1961). Whereas, functional medicine is now integrating more and more tele-health, “biohacking” (alternative therapies and healing supports, like infrared saunas, hot-cold therapy, coffee enemas and herbal supplements), and high-tech EMR’s (medical record systems), Insurance still has you on a “brief hold”and is comfortable doing things they’ve always done.

Bio:

Dr. Lauryn Lax is a Doctor of Occupational Therapy, Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, Functional Medicine Practitioner, author and speaker, with over 20 years of clinical and personal experience specializing in gut health, intuitive eating, disordered eating, anxiety, hormone balance and women’s health. She’s based in Austin, Texas, and operates a virtual Nutrition & Functional Medicine practice, Thrive Wellness & Recovery, LLC, working with clients and patients around the world. In addition, Dr. Lauryn is a published journalist and speaker. Her works have been featured in Oxygen Magazine, Women’s Health, Paleo Magazine, Breaking Muscle, CrossFit Inc, USA Today, ABC and CBS News. Ultimately, she loves nothing more than helping others “quiet the noise” in the health food and fitness world.

The post 7 Reasons Why Insurance Won’t Pay for Functional Medicine appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/wellness-knowledge/insurance-wont-pay-functional-medicine/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

#Holistic #Nutrition #Therapy #Recovery #Functional #Medicine #Dr. Lauryn Lax #Dr.Lauryn

2 notes · View notes

elliotwarren · 6 years

Photo

🎊 happy birthday gabriel adams! 🎊

It was always his eyes that people noticed first. Well. That was a lie. If they got past his skin color, the way his fingers dug into his arms, the soft whispers to invisible things, it was his eyes. Silver, Meg always said, making him sound something special. Gabriel let a smile tweak his features and brushed dark, messy hair off his forehead. That was just as pointless as correcting Meg.

all art pictured was commissioned by me and are not free to use. feel free to dm me for specific credits.

I’m about to unpack a lot of shit and get way more intimate with everyone on this blog than I have previously, so I hope you’re mentally prepared for this. It’s going to be a hard read, but I’ve been wanting to talk about this stuff for a long time.

so almost every year I try to talk about my oldest character, Gabriel. This year, I wanted to dig a little deeper, and address myself as a writer. Within the last couple of years, I’ve had to own up to some shit with this character. I was a bad writer.

“No, Elliot, you weren’t bad! You were just - “

No folks, I’m not discussing my skill as a writer. I’m specifically addressing my treatment of people, representation, and stereotypes.

I was a shitty person.

cw for ableism, discussion of own health, suicide mention, drug use in a fictional character, and general shitty handling of mental illness.

I’m not super positive Gabriel started as Gabriel. The earliest I remember him was a novel I wrote my Freshman year - in 2006ish. I think I vaguely remember him existing as a something earlier on in middle school, but nothing concrete until later. My first ever novel! It was exactly 100 pages, front and back, written in black pen. It was a blatant rip off of an Anne Rice novel where vampires took over a city and killed and ate them in their court. I don’t even remember if that was actually the plot, but I do remember it being Anne Rice inspired, which is a whole other problem altogether. Towards the end of the novel, I asked my friends in choir class to check off next to character names to decide who died.

I think 3 out of 45 characters made it out alive. Also there were 45 characters. Many of them had scenes from their POV. Yeah.

Gabriel wasn’t the protagonist then, and he rarely has been until the last handful of years. He was just an edgy probably vampire guy who appeared at random with cryptic warnings, who periodically would get the protagonist out of trouble while also existing as a side antagonist. He did survive - although barely.

Later, I had the super unique wild idea to make him ‘crazy’. I took to roleplay forums, where other teenagers I barely knew told me that my writing was good and my character was interesting, and I plagued them with my edgy, cool, sometimes serial killer character that all the girls were into. Sometimes the guys, which I was cool with - after all, I had a lesbian couple as a friend in high school. You know, I was tolerant.

Made you uncomfortable yet? Me too.

Gabriel was the troubled white boy who heard voices and saw ghosts, somehow got by as a homeless teenager, and sometimes he killed people but it was definitely not his fault. He went on to win character of the month on a forum based around experimental testing inside an asylum. I was ecstatic. I took him everywhere, and people loved him. Not one person called me out. Not a one.

My freshman year of college, I joined a group on deviantart, where talented artists I’d admired from a distance were glad to have a rare writer, and after making a nervous start with another character I stepped in with Gabriel. The group was entirely based around the story line, as well as critique and self-improvement. I was ecstatic.

With the assistance of a roleplay partner - now my roommate - I went on to finish my first novel in years, with Gabriel as one of two protagonists. I still have it, somewhere, printed out in a binder. Pretty sure I left it at a friend’s house. It featured Gabe, and my roommate’s character, after Gabriel ‘accidentally’ almost killed her because of the voices and kidnapped her to his apartment in an attempt to fix his mistake. The novel ended with Gabriel realizing he was an idiot, and heavily implied that he killed himself via morphine, which he was also somewhat addicted to for no apparent reason.

At some point in the mess, I down spiraled. I was upset and miserable and something in my brain finally cracked. I’d been dealing for years what I later learned to be chemical depression, but a specific event in my life caused a complete and total meltdown. I stopped writing. I was constantly making posts to tumblr rather than talking to anyone about how I wanted to kill myself. I stopped going to class, stopped seeing people, and my roommate at the time heard me crying at night more than once. I was completely devastated, and I will never forgive that person.

Later, I made a bigger mistake and lost someone very close to me. In the last couple of years I’ve come to terms that I was definitely in love with her. I can never repair that damage. I snapped, for awhile, and became obsessive and gross and just a really shitty person.

I eventually realized college and the situations were killing me, and after 4 and a half years - so close to graduating, everyone said, not realizing I’d failed most of my classes - I made the decision to drop. I moved in with my old college roommate, bummed around their house, and intended to go back to work at a summer camp like I did every year. Except I got fired, for essentially being too old and likely for budget reasons, as I made more than everyone else there.

Obviously this was really good for my mental health.

Somewhere during the mess I started taking a look at self improvement, and turned back to writing. More specifically, what I was doing wrong. The more I wrote the more I started looking into developing Gabriel as a character, with an actual background I wasn’t making up to seem edgy as I hopped from forum to forum, and I started looking into how to write him accurately.

And I mourned all that time and all the damage I did and how many people who probably silently put up with my shit.

I spent years writing Gabriel as this deranged, unhinged being who hurt other people. Now I try to make up for it - I spend extensive time reading articles on mental illness, specific case studies, listening to interviews and doing my best to soak up every little detail I can.

Gabriel is schizophrenic, primarily experiencing mild visual hallucinations and occasional auditory hallucinations, typically in times of stress. He does not kill people - if he does, it has nothing to do with his mental health and more to do with that, once again, Gabriel is a vampire. Like me, he copes with depression and anxiety, born of a situation. I shifted Gabriel from being a shitty, ‘crazy’ white boy to a nervous, wary young man dealing with some shit that no one should have to deal with. I researched therapy, and coping mechanisms, and even found some that help me with my issues. I created Jamie, Gabriel’s psychiatrist and friend. I decided to cut some of the mayo out of my work and made Gabriel’s mother an immigrant from Mexico, and it’s been worth it! I get to research a fascinating, fun culture, and it has improved Gabriel as a character to have a culture.

I realized, at some point, that I’m asexual - and Gabriel is too. I’ve put a lot of myself into him. It’s been therapeutic, and I feel better about Gabriel as a character.

There’s been a lot of change over the years. Gabriel is an entirely different person, and it has greatly affected and I think improved my writing. More than anything, it has changed my outlook on everything, and I hope that some day I can some how make up for all the damage I did with presenting him the way I did. People with schizophrenia are no more likely to hurt or kill someone than anyone else, and many if not most serial killers are just shitty entitled white people. Like me.

It’s been a long time - at least 12 years, if not more. I’ve changed a lot. Gabriel has too. I hope that the next 12 years let me finally finish telling a story about him, and that the world as a whole stop tip toeing around mental illness. I wish someone had told me 12 years ago that making someone ‘crazy’ wasn’t cool or neat or unique, and that I was a super toxic, harmful person.

I’m never going to be writing a story about what it’s like to live and cope with mental illness. While I deal with it, it’s not really my story to tell. I’m never going to tell a tale about what it’s like to be the son of a Mexican immigrant in shitty white america. That’s not my job either. I might tell the story of being a queer asexual, because that definitely applies to me. But Gabriel is a vivid person to me, and I’m glad I’ve learned proper representation. I’m sure I’ll still make mistakes, and I keep waiting for someone to call me out on something. I wish someone had. I wish someone had said, hey, if your protagonist is also the villain and the only mentally ill person in the story, you’re a bad writer and you should feel bad.

That’s your personal call out, if it applies. I hope not.

Don’t be afraid of representation of the ‘touchy’ subjects. But do right by them. Talk to people from those situations, read stories by people from those situations whether it’s relevant or not, watch interviews, see movies. If you can’t do right by a culture or an illness or a person, that’s okay. But take a step back, work hard, and just go for it. Don’t be afraid to ask for opinions, critique, help.

Please. Learn from your mistakes.

I talked a whole fucking lot and if you read all of it, you’re a star. Good night.

#writeblr #writing #character development #gabe tag #about me tag #ok to reblog i GUES #s

5 notes · View notes