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jeanbie · 1 year

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WORDLESS #4 ★ masterlist.

pairing: levi x reader

genre: sugar daddy & contract killer au | warnings: toxic relationships, non graphic sex | wc: 4.9k

note: hey guys, who's reading? *silence* *tumbleweed* hope u guys like it :)

★ ch1. ch2. ch3. ch4. ch5

⏤ Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Levi over the edge if he hears them again.

(31) Pulling a chair out for them to sit down at the table.

Levi’s not a gentleman.

Everybody knows it, and he’s not ashamed of admitting it. Half of the time, he thinks that it’s what makes him unique, at least. If you (or anybody else, even though since you walked out on him that one time, he’s been seeing all the others less and less) were going to be with somebody, then you might as well just make it different. Spice it up a little bit.

“It will be nice.” Levi, because he’s not a gentleman, is not really listening to you. He sits behind the steering wheel and tightens his hand against the wheel, the other is on the clutch.

“Are you listening to me?”

“No,” Levi replies. He turns the corner, and the car slightly leans you to the right.

A sigh fills the car as he pauses as a set of traffic lights further down the street.

This red light drags forever, and Levi sighs instead and looks at you pointedly, “What, then?”

It takes reluctance to pull your gaze away from the pigeons near the bins on the side of the road, but you do, and you look at Levi. “I just think it will be really nice to grab dinner together.”

“We do that all the time,” Levi says.

“Yeah, but I don’t mean us, or just us,” you affirm, “I mean, like all of us. Family, I guess.”

Levi bristles. “Family? We don’t have any family, baby.”

“We do,” you moan. “I mean. Not family-family, but family. The kind of family we get to choose. Erwin, and Sasha and whoever.”

Levi nods sarcastically, “Oh. Wrong F word, Y/N, those people are called friends.”

“Oh, whatever then,” you huff, turning back towards the window. “Forget I said anything.”

Levi wants to forget, but he doesn’t. Something about that line, about the way that it stuck with him: The kind of family we get to choose. He thought about it all night, groaned, and then swore and called Erwin. Alright motherfucker, we’re going to dinner with Y/N so you better shut the fuck up, get a suit, and meet us at that fancy Gangnam restaurant.

So, it’s a Friday evening, and it feels like a Disney Channel crossover episode. Sasha definitely feels out of place in this restaurant, and Levi acts uncomfortable about the way Erwin sits opposite you, gauging your every move and word with overacted enthusiasm. Actually, all Levi is thinking about is the moment that they got here.

“Here, honey, let me get that for you,” had appeared to be Erwin’s favourite sentence to say to you; he used it when he opened the door for you, and again with the chair to the table. Erwin sat seething, almost red like a ruby. Sasha sips nervously from her glass as Erwin laughs again at something you said.

Dinner went great, he would have to admit that.

“Oh, we booked the patio for desserts,” Erwin says. One of Levi’s other friends, Mike (who honestly came to observe rather than to fill in for the surprising lack of family at this family dinner) looks left and right to each person on the table and follows the crowd as they leave for the patio once the main courses are done.

Erwin once again reaches for the door and lets you walk outside. As Levi passes Erwin at the door, he glares at Erwin with eyes that could murder. Erwin doesn’t waver but he does get the hint, even more so as you stroll towards the table. Before Erwin can even move towards the table, Levi curves in front and puts his hand on the back of your chair.

“Here you go, baby, let me sit next to you,” Levi says, dragging it out for you to sit. You watch him with one raised eyebrow but say nothing. Erwin says nothing for a few minutes but decides to get right back to it as the desserts begin. It pisses off Levi to the point where his hand leaves fingerprints in your thigh, but you can’t find it in you to be mad about it.

(32) Wrapping a blanket around them when they are sitting on the couch and watching a show.

“You gotta stop letting yourself in here, it scares the shit out of me.”

“I own this dump.”

You gape over your shoulder, “Fucker, you own this dump that you call a dump but you gave me this dump, it’s my dump, don’t call it a dump.”

“Say dump one more time,” Levi warns, shrugging off his jacket and ruffling his hair. It’s wet thanks to the torrential rain outside. His socks squelch across the floor because he left his slippers back at his place, and he’s not here often enough to have his own pair at your apartment.

The apartment is toasty and warm, the heating on high. Except the living room is chilly and dark, dark blue almost.

“What are you watching?”

Levi moves towards your bedroom but can still hear you as he moves.

“Just this show I found,” you reply, watching the screen. “Dead To Me.”

“Never heard of it,” he yawns, and emerges from the room. He’s holding a heavy blanket in his arms, moving to the living room to sit next to you. He plops next to you and glances at the screen, wrapping the blanket around your shoulders, over your head like a cocoon.

You laugh softly, shifting it off your head and leaning up against him. “It’s American. It’s got Velma in it.”

“Linda Cardellini?” Levi asks, settling back. “She’s hot as fuck.”

“I know, that’s why I thought I’d watch it, I love her,” you say.

Levi wraps an arm around your shoulder and smushes closer towards you.

“Good day?” you ask quietly.

He takes a few seconds, like he’s truly trying to think about whether he wants to answer or not.

“Okay,” he admits. “Don’t care, it’s over, I’m here, don’t wanna think about work.”

You don’t push him to talk, and instead, let him sit next to you. He likes the darkness because there’s no way you can see his discomfort, his pain, the blood under his fingernails.

(33) Throwing away their piles of tissues when they have a cold.

Levi travels for work a lot, and it’s no secret to anybody he knows. It was midday when he got a call, just a few words over the phone, and then he was moving out of the shower and into the bedroom to get ready.

He had told you to stay, stay until he got back. Unfinished business, he said, that would need dealing with when he got home. So you did, you stayed and he left, and that was that.

Levi sighs and shuts the car door. Until next time, he thinks to himself as he watches the car pull away. Frowning, he straightens his blazer and walks up the steps to the complex he lives at and enters. When he gets to his apartment, he kicks his shoes off right away and as he steps inside, he notices that the apartment is unusually silent.

Normally at his home, his big mansion that he loves up in the hills, there’s some sort of noise. Maybe it’s the sound of the TV on in the kitchen, or the bubbles in the hot tub, or the sound of Elio prowling around the bedroom. This apartment is in central Seoul, closer to work and closer to school. He hates how silent it is, how empty it feels.

“Y/N?”

There is no instant reply. He moves across the apartment, searching silently.

“Babe, you here?”

Worry bubbles in his stomach and he moves in search of you. After searching everywhere, Levi scoffs like it’s a sick joke that you’re not here, until he hears a noise, a croak and a cough from the spare bedroom.

“Y/N?” calls Levi. He moves to the door and twists the handle, and is a few shuffles inside when a grottal, gross noise emerges from the darkness.

“What?” he asks.

“I said don’t come in here,” you croak out in reply, because it’s you, and who else would it be in his apartment?

Levi enters and reaches for the light, pausing when you grunt in his direction. He can see you in the dim light of the spare bedroom, the sun outside the curtains, and he suppresses a smile.

“What happened? I said we had unfinished business.”

“I know,” you rasp. “But one of the kids in my class came to class with a sore throat, I thought I’d be fine. But, ta-da.” He can see in the light that there’s a plethora of tissues around your body, like a barrier. So many, snotty and probably damp and scrunched into balls. “Guess he had a cold.”

He grimaces, shuffling into the bedroom despite you telling him otherwise. It’s unsurprisingly stuffy in the room, a given since the room is closed off from the sunlight that bleeds behind the curtains. Like you requested, he doesn’t turn on the lights, keeping you safe in the darkness.

“Shitty kids,” Levi grunts. Finding a lack of interest in the germs that breed in the tissues scrunched into balls, he moves them from the covers and tosses them towards the small bin next to the bedside cabinet. You sniffle, snotty and stuffed, and peer from over the duvet at him.

Levi looks tired, as he always does when he gets back from work. He sports a brand new cut on his lip, one that will probably scar when it’s done showing crimson. There is blood on his shirt, and you know that it’s probably not his. That doesn’t make you feel better.

“How long you had it?” Levi asks.

“Two or three days,” you estimate. He’s been gone almost a week, the seventh day being tomorrow. “Should go soon, don’t worry.”

He smiles, “Not worried. Did you get medicine, or something?”

You sniff once, the air hot in your nostrils. “Nope. I haven’t managed to leave since I came down with it. I only went to the door to collect soup and then I went back to bed in here. And I went out to see who it was when Mike came by to get your big kitty.” Another sniff and Levi’s eyebrows raise with amusement, “Didn’t want to infect your bedroom, so I came here instead. Hope that’s okay.”

“Sure, it’s okay,” he replies. “I’ll find something for you, I’ve got a bunch of shit that might help.”

“Really?”

Levi nods, “Yeah. Stay put, buttercup, B-R-B.”

(34) Mending an item of their clothing that was ripped.

“Who even takes the subway anymore?”

In reply, Levi gets an appalled scoff. “I’m sorry, not all of us are rich enough to have fucking chauffeurs taking us places.”

“What’re you talking about, you’re rich,” Levi says, his voice kind of muffled due to the sewing needle between his teeth. He sits on the edge of his sofa, your skirt spread over his lap like a napkin at dinner. Down the leg, the seam is torn, showing what could have been an erotic amount of leg. Unfortunately, he’d only got a glimpse of your skin when you shuffled into his home.

As the CEO of ripping his clothes, Levi became familiar with sewing over the years, figuring it was less expensive to sew than it was to replace. So, of course, when your skirt got torn on the subway home, Levi tested his skills and dug out the sewing needle.

“No thanks to you,” you sigh. “You didn’t need to, by the way.”

“Need to what, pay you?” Levi laughs, sewing the seam. “Come on, Y/N, it’s overdue.”

“True, but I don’t really need your money that much anymore.”

“Funny, since you needed it when you didn’t have it,” he sighs dramatically. “Anyway, it’s barely a dent out of my bank account, I wanna spoil you. You’re welcome.”

You frown, shuffling to the couch and throwing yourself over the back so that your head is by his legs. Levi spares you a glance from the skirt and smiles, returning back to the work.

“Thanks,” you mumble. Nothing is said, but he appreciates it.

(35) Running out in the middle of the night to get a food item they’re craving.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“What the fuck?”

Levi shoots up from bed into a sitting position, his eyes blown wide as he stares at you. Whenever Levi invites you to stay at his apartment, he always keeps a light on in the evening. His apartment is in a somewhat busier area compared to his house, which is stationed in a private neighbourhood only touched by the wealthiest of the wealthy. His apartment was supposed to be for ease, for if he had to do dirty work in the city and didn’t want to tie his name to a hotel. It wasn’t often that you stayed the night here.

In the light of the dim lamp on your side of the bed, Levi can make out your face. You’re still lying down, staring up at the ceiling. After he stares long enough, you look over at him.

“Why the fuck would you say that,” he breathes, like it’s an insult.

“Wow, would it really be so bad?” you ask, curious now.

He blinks like an owl. “Obviously, dipshit.”

Sigh. “And here I was thinking it would be like the movies and you’d love me.”

“Even if I loved you, do you think I wanna have kids?” Levi questions rhetorically, because he’s actually already talked to you about this. Levi never wants to have children. His life is constantly on the line. There is no way he’d bring a child into the world, just for them to either be used as bait, or grow up in a world without their father. He knows how that feels.

“Fair,” you reply. “Still.”

Levi shudders, it’s cold in here. “Wait, are you for real?” He shifts, the covers make a disruptive noise in the night, “what makes you think that you’re…you know…”

“I keep getting weird cravings,” you explain, like it’s the craziest science that he won’t understand. As soon as you say it, he feels almost instantly better. It’s not like cravings are the most reliable symptom of a pregnancy. Besides, you’re on the pill, and when you’re not, he’s safe. He’s not an idiot, he’s not about to accidentally ruin both of your lives with a few squirts.

“Like what?”

You shrug, “Really craving the Fairway to Heaven ice-cream.”

Levi scoffs. Actually, it’s almost a tch under his breath. “Yeah, of course, you’re craving the most expensive ice-cream. Predictable. Cute, almost.” He pats your leg over the covers, “We all know Phish Food’s the better flavour, by the way.”

“Tell that to the cravings, sir,” you reply. You frown, then, “I’ll pick some up tomorrow. Maybe I’ll dream the cravings away…”

“As if,” Levi barks, knowing you better. If he knows you at all (which he confidently does), you’ll press about this for the rest of the night until you fall asleep bored of trying. So, Levi enjoys the last few seconds inside a warm bed before climbing out, switching on the light so it burns your eyes as the room fills with it.

“Ouch, too bright!”

“Pussy,” he smirks. “Move, get your coat, we’re going out.”

“Oh yeah, at midnight?” you ask sarcastically, sitting up. “Where’re we going?”

“Ice cream,” he replies, like it’s obvious. To him it is. “That store down the road sells it and it closes at 2, so get your big coat and let’s get moving.”

“Are we seriously going to get ice cream at midnight?” you laugh, doing as he says.

“We both know you’re not gonna shut up about it if we don’t.”

Levi grabs his own coat and zips it up. Nobody’s gonna care that he’s wearing PJ’s, and even if you’re sleepy and grumpy on the way there, it’s better than keeping you at the apartment alone. He’d have to be crazy to leave you here than he is going out for ice cream at midnight.

(36) Helping brush their hair after a shower.

You’re the best he’s had, really.

Levi knows this, because he’s not stupid or blind or oblivious. Compared to the other girls he’s had, and the ones he left not too long ago, he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you. Someone who doesn’t just want him for the sex and the money. Although scary, it’s reassuring.

Levi comes out from the kitchen to the bedroom where you’re sitting, hunched over a laptop watching a YouTube video for your class that bores you to sleep. Your hair is damp and matted, left to dry as you watch. Forty minutes into an hour video. Levi narrows his eyebrows, wondering if he’d ever have the patience to watch something like that. Probably not. He barely has the patience when he works, and he has a job that demands it 99% of the time. When he can be hasty he is, but when his job is to kill and protect, patience is a must.

As you watch, Levi moves to sit behind you and he sets his chin on your shoulder, boredly looking at the screen. Your eyes are glossed over, possibly not even watching at all. Regardless, he stays there and slowly rakes his fingers through your hair, straightening out the curls that are close to knots.

He still blames the video for you falling asleep, although it’s probably his fingers. He won’t admit it.

(37) Making sure to be quiet while they’re taking a nap.

It’s not just that. Levi enjoys being gentle, but only when nobody can see him doing it. When you fall asleep, slouched over like a zombie, he smiles and gently closes the screen of your laptop. Whatever garbage your Uni have you watching can be watched tomorrow.

Until then, you must sleep. He moves the laptop away to the cabinet across the room and comes back, collecting you in his arms and moving you into the bed. Once the covers are draped across your body, he takes extra care to be quiet leaving the room and shutting the door. There’s some food leftover in the kitchen from dinner that he’ll eat before joining you, and you don’t wake up, not even when the bed dips as he climbs into it.

(38) Letting them warm their cold hands under your shirt.

Despite his work often demanding him to be around people, Levi isn’t really a big fan of crowds. If he can get out of going out in public, he will jump at the opportunity. He just can’t see why you’re so miffed about not being with the crowds of people along the Han river waiting for the fireworks- he’s got a balcony that looks out over the city and the river, so what’s the big deal?

“It’s all about the vibe,” you say with a slight sigh. Your arms are draped over the balcony banister, legs slowly vibrating in the bitter winter air. “As a broody killing machine, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“That stings,” Levi replies, closing the door behind him as he wanders back towards you with a blanket. His eyes glaze over your face as he arrives and Levi rolls his eyes, “Hold your face that way and it’ll stick.”

“Heard it all before from my Mom,” you reply boredly. A quiet thanks is spoken as you take the blanket shield and snuggle closer to his chest, staring expectantly at the black sky. “What time will they start?”

Levi presses his cheek to your hair. “Considering three minutes ago it was only ten to midnight, I can safely assure you that it is not time yet.”

“I’m bored.”

“Why are you so hard to please today?” Levi groans. He wriggles around, “And don’t try me with that ‘I think I’m pregnant’ bullshit. Spare me the moody bitch performance for today, please?”

You pug to yourself. “Sorry. Sorry, you’re right. And I shouldn’t be so…I don’t know. I’m sorry. Thank you for tonight.”

Levi shakes his head slightly. He may never understand women.

“You really that mad over the bridge?” he asks quietly, his mouth against your head. It’s hot, and you lean back towards his minimal body warmth. “I’m sorry I didn’t pass your vibe check for tonight, but I thought it might be romantic or something for us to be up here.”

You almost laugh. “It is romantic. You’re right.”

Levi brushes it off. Lately something has shifted, a comfort in the air that grants you permission to be in his life as someone more important than a ‘sugar baby’. Dare he say it, but Levi actually considers you a friend. Now, you’re at the point where neither of you give much of a shit about the sugar clause you wrote yourselves into quite some time ago. An unspoken thing hangs there like Christmas mistletoe, seen but prayed away.

Distant laughter and a bang grows near the direction of the river and bridge, and Levi feels you perk in his arms. As a small warmth bursts across his chest, Levi hisses in the cold and stuffs his hands up your shirt, where they curve around your body to cheekily hold both of your boobs. You jump, because his hands are freezing.

“You’re cold!” you whine. “What are you doing?”

Levi shrugs, “My hands are freezing. I’m keeping them warm.”

You briefly glance down at his knuckles outlined by your jumper. “Oh yeah, because I’m sure that’s the reason why you’re literally groping my tits right now.”

“They feel warmer already,” he continues.

(39) Giving them your dessert when you eat out because it’s their favourite

On the rare occasion that guilt really overwhelmingly consumes Levi Ackerman, he allows his guilt to control his feet. Usually, they end up on a pathway to the bedroom, or in the car where he drives you somewhere nice, or perhaps he picks you up from school instead of cruelly leaving you to take the subway. Now that things have shifted slightly in your dynamic, Levi isn’t sure what flies as romantic anymore. He doesn’t want to leave you with the wrong impression. You’ve had the talk together, the one that touched upon what the future looked like and how quite definitely it looked as though you wouldn’t be with each other, but surely, dinner overlooking the sea in Busan isn’t too fancy or romantic, right?

“Here is your dessert.” The waiter circles around the table and gently lays a dish in front of you. Levi carefully watches over his glass of wine as the waiter also announces his own dessert, the exact same. His eyes move down to the display set before him.

He’s never really been keen on dessert, but Levi is the type of person who doesn’t enjoy the idea of one person eating when the other isn’t. So he had just ordered the same thing as you had, nice and simple, without giving it much thought.

“I love this,” you sigh happily, fiddling the metal spoon in your hand and peering up at him, “This is sick. Thank you.”

“I didn’t make it,” he replies.

You roll your eyes, spooning out some of the dessert, “you know what I mean.”

Something in the beach-fronted restaurant shifts as the sun sinks deeper into the ocean, and Levi twirls his spoon anxiously whilst observing the dessert. He’s never been a huge fan of bingsu in general, and he looks with slight distaste at the green blob on top of what looks like cornflakes. He doesn’t get it.

He dips his spoon into the dessert, taking a polite amount and very quickly taking a bite. For around twenty seconds, he thinks it’s okay, but the aftertaste makes his whole body shudder. Fucking hell, he really hates desserts.

After a few minutes, you finally move your attention away from the scraped clean dessert dish and take a glance over at Levi, who is already watching you with a lack of interest for his own dessert.

“Is everything okay?” you ask, subtly wiping around your mouth just in case. You take in the sight of his unfinished treat, “not hungry?”

Levi shrugs awkwardly, “I don’t really like bingsu.”

“Then why’d you order?” you question quietly.

“I panicked,” he replies, “you ordered it and I don’t like desserts but I didn’t want you to be eating alone.”

You pause, eyebrows quirked: “I don’t mind.”

He sighs. Of course. “Well…” He twirls the dessert dish and pushes it in your direction, “Since it’s your favourite, or whatever, you can have it.”

Your eyes light up, “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool,” you squeal, happily taking it from him. “Thank you!”

Levi rolls his eyes playfully and sits back in his chair. Whatever he didn’t eat from the dessert he instead eats up in the sight of you.

(40) Making a goofy face until they notice and laugh.

You don’t quite know how you ended up at Levi’s work, but here you are. You could probably trace it back to Erwin swinging by to get you from school since Levi felt bad he couldn’t, and to be honest, you had been confused when Erwin drove past the turning to your apartment and kept going further into the city.

Levi’s workplace is pretty big, but still significantly hidden inconspicuously to avoid attention. As you slowly wander around the hallways, you begin to daydream about where Levi’s office may be, what he might be doing and what he might think if he sees you.

Quietly passing through what appears to be a recreation room, filled with tired faces who blink curiously as you brush by, you finally step out into a web of hallways that connect to small rooms walled in glass. Each is empty, besides one at the very end that bustles with tense conversation, and you’re drawn to the sound of Levi’s voice as it carries through the silent hallways.

You push forward, stopping not too close to the doorway so that if somebody who isn’t him happens to see you, you can make a hasty escape.

The room is filled with strange faces, strange men in tight suits and briefcases next to their feet. A man stands up beside Levi at the head of the table, his hands animated as he presses on about something you’re not well read on. Hell if you know a single thing about gun models and firing ranges. You can just about tell apart Fortnite weapons and that’s only because they’ve got colours.

Levi, however, is a sight that captures your gaze. For a while, he sits with his back turned to the man standing, his eyes observing each individual around the table, of who squirm under his watch. He eventually looks back at the man, his jawline sharp and his hair styled so that it only slightly falls into his eyebrows. God damn it, he looks sexy as hell; his shirt is black, cuffed, unbuttoned at the top revealing his skinny collarbones. He’s probably wearing the tight trousers too, the ones that make his ass look good.

A thought strikes you: how would he feel if he saw you outside? While it shouldn’t, the thought fills you with adrenaline. The idea of not him but somebody else seeing you, a girl dressed in white jeans and a red shirt, your coat discarded somewhere on an office chair. Would he be mad? Would he be turned on?

Would you die?

Deciding that the worse case scenario only involved you being yelled at, you decide to dip your toes into the water and tease the sharks; you wonder how long you can hold this silly face for until he finally notices you out there.

It seems like a long shot, and you’re quite close to giving up when finally Levi returns his attention to the table. Heads begin to move in conversation, and Levi’s gaze passes from gentleman to gentleman until they pause abruptly, locking onto you behind the glass. For a moment, he does nothing besides stare. Perhaps he doesn’t care. Then, his eyes widen, like he’s confused and alarmed and slightly impressed. Before his disturbed posture is noticed, you laugh to yourself and run away, back in the direction you tiptoed through.

(Later, Levi finds you in Erwin’s office sitting on an uncomfortable and torn armchair, a Rubix cube moving back and forwards in your hands. You’re not matching any colours. It’s going nowhere. He smiles.

“Field trip?” he questions, making your head snap up suddenly. He slides next to you on the free chair, “I’ll skin that prick alive, you know you’re not supposed to be here.”

“I know, but I’m here against my will!” you promise, putting the cube down. “I really wanted to go home. Dead To Me episodes don’t watch themselves, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighs. “I gotta go to a meeting again, then I’ll drive us home, okay?”

You nod. “I’m sorry I distracted you, by the way. I realise now I’m actually very lucky that it was you who saw me and nobody else.”

Levi laughs, kissing your forehead as he rises to leave. “Yeah, well, I’m the most dangerous guy in there, so consider yourself very lucky.”)

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scumbagjaeger · 1 year

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Rating: 18+! mdni

Me waking up at 5am with the most depraved thoughts about Jean, Connie and Sasha in a college AU that I will be turning into a full fic, here’s the rundown

Starts with Jean/Sasha with a dash of Jean/Connie/Sasha, and then ends with just Connie/Sasha, they’re endgame sorry not sorry (I love Springles) (it’s just because my friends tell me I’m just like Sasha and I am a fiend for Constance Springer)

First of all, you already know that they were all friends in high school, none of that awkward first meeting in History 101 thing

They can’t even remember how they met but Connie and Jean were those middle school bros with the snapbacks and jailbroken phones

Jean was asked to show Sasha around when she moved from the countryside in their freshman year of high school

Okay so now in college basically they all have the plan to just get laid as much as possible

Jk but they just want to party and be part of the crazy college scheme that they used to spend HOURS talking about in high school

“Guys… would you ever smoke weed?” —Jean at one point

Sorry this is still background but like I always imagine them growing up Midwest? I wanna say Chicago but deep down I’m thinking they grew up in like St Paul and they were all fairly sheltered oop

They go to college in Chicago for the big city life and they all apply together and they cry when they all get accepted

So yeah they’re trying to be adults now they rule!!!1!!! It’s so cheesy but they are 18 and suddenly they are like wow this adult thing is pretty nice 😎

Connie is kind of the rizzler?? No shock there but he is actually bringing so many women back to his and Jean’s dorm

The forms I had in college would be two bedrooms (with two beds each) and then a shared bathroom/fridge space?? So Connie and Jean are roommates and Marco is their suite mate in the other bedroom

Jean ends up having to stay with their suite-mate Marco because Marco’s roommate ended up dropping out after a day

Connie inadvertently cock blocks his friends but other while they’d pull as well??

Sorry Jean plays the sweet-romance game because he thinks he’s going to fall in love at a college party the first week 💀 and Connie swoops in making these ladies die laughing

He’s also just super affectionate with Sasha too like she’ll be rizzing up some guy and he’ll swing an arm around her waist “Sash we gotta host parties when we get our house together!!!”

He just means next year, the three of them plan on getting a townhouse together, but it’s enough to scare away the guy Sasha was talking to :(

At one point they have a mini intervention where they’re like “bro how do you do it????” And Connie’s like “what can I say, a rizzler’s gotta rizz 😎🥵”

I don’t think there would be much sexual interest or jealousy between any of them because they’re besties

Maybe in high school they had that drama about liking each other but they’re 18 now?? High school was so last year they are ADULTS remember

But idk maybe Sasha makes a comment about Connie cockblocking her, just an innocent joke, and he lowkey gets offended? “Damn my bad, I’ll let you cook next time ig”

So at the next party, Sasha meets Niccolo and of course they hit it off and Connie’s like okay why is this bothering me who gives a fuck, he ends up bringing a girl back to his dorm anyway so who cares LOL not that guy

Oh I forgot to say this but when Jean brings someone home Connie goes to Sasha’s and they literally share her tiny ass twin bed, usually drunk and watching some movie on her laptop, Ymir is normally in Historia’s room anyway so it works (but Ymir and Connie are homies too so she dgaf)

Anyway after her and Niccolo hook up, Sasha is super bummed?? The three of them are hanging out on campus and she’s like “yeah idk I thought we had something but our conversations just kind of fizzled out :(“

And Connie laughs? He’s like “lmao wait you talk to these people after you hook up with them??”

He explains that the whole point is that you go into it not expecting to ever see them again, that’s how he can be so bold with his flirting/jokes. It’s a HOOK UP not a MARRIAGE

And Jean kind of defends Sasha because he is also a big romantic and is constantly getting his hopes up? Poor guy

So one thing leads to another and (completely sober) Jean and Sasha decide they’re going to hook up???

It’s so awkward when they talk about it lol. Sasha’s like “man wtf how does Connie just not develop feeling for the girls he’s sleeping with” and Jean’s like “right that’s insane we should like, hook up and see” (totally joking) and Sasha’s like “omg yeah good one”

For half of their conversation, Jean can’t tell if she’s just going along with the joke

But it does make sense to them?? Like they will go to the party with Connie who will inevitably bring someone back to their dorm, and Jean and Sasha can pretend like they’ve just met and that they’re hooking up, then in the morning they go back to being friends

Unrelated but they’ve all definitely talked about their kinks before and Sasha hits Jean with the “S-step bro” and he whimpers

Also unrelated but Connie thought that the “Step bro, I’m stuck” things were the funniest shit in the world but that’s when they discovered Jean is bisexual, Jean included lol

Anyway the sex is good?? They are already so comfortable with each other, Jean makes sure Sasha is comfortable and that things feel good, she lowkey helps him with how to eat a girl out properly lol

Also Sasha has insane bedroom eyes and she doesn’t even know it? Her sex faces are unreal. Jean’s fucking her missionary style and he’s like “—this good?” And she lets out a breathy “Yeah, fuck, like that—” and he is like “bro don’t look at me like that or I’ll cum”

Afterwards Jean asks if they can cuddle and she’s like “wtf no? We’re supposed to not make thing a thing, we’re just friends again” and Jean is like “but we’d cuddle when we’re friends. We literally cuddled last week” and she’s like “damn you’re right okay c’mere”

The next morning Sasha’s like “omg! We did that! And I don’t want to do it again” and Jean’s like “wait WHAT” like he’s worried she had a bad experience and she’s like “No no no like I WOULD do it again but I don’t want to like date you!!” And he’s like “oh, good!!! Me too!!” And they high five

Jean goes to his dorm and Connie’s not there but Marco is and he’s like “Marco, I slept with Sasha and we don’t want to do it again 😎” and he’s like “what the fuck?”

Jean and Marco are also on the extremely slowburn train to romance-ville but until then they’re just homies, each other’s confidants

Marco tells Jean “I don’t know how you could hook up with anyone at all? Don’t you want the intimacy and love that comes with being with one person?” Because Marco doesn’t join in on their schemes, he also came from a sheltered childhood but he’s just so honest and sweet and we love our sweet boy

Of course Jean wants that too! He’s just a dumb idiot who thinks with his dick too much(‘: but someday he will learn and Marco will be there for him

Anyway idk about anyone else’s college experience but we had like four different card game variants of like “drink if you have the most unopened emails” or “drink if you are the last person to put your finger on your nose”

So of course they play that one time in Sasha’s room with their friends

“Drink if you’ve slept with someone else in this room” and everyone’s laughing, of course Eren and Mikasa drink, and Ymir and Historia drink, but then Jean takes a sip and it’s like SILENT

And Connie’s like “HEADASS get outta here, your fantasies don’t count” and Jean is looking at Sasha like bro help me

So then she takes a drink

And everyone is like hooting and hollering, but now Connie is silent

Jean’s laughing and telling them “yeah it was just a one time thing lol we’re just friends”

He’s lowkey hurt that they didn’t tell him?? He thinks it happened in like high school or something

They notice he’s upset and they end up confronting him after he avoids them bc we know Connie can’t deal with his emotions xoxo

“I just can’t believe you guys had sex without me??” He means without TELLING me but he’s upset yk. And Sasha’s like “well fine do you want to have sex with us?”

And it’s silent for like four minutes. Also they’re eating lunch in like Burger King so Jean’s mouth is full of a whopper burger as Sasha says this and he just freezes, and then slowly continues to eat

I feel like Connie is straight/has a strong preference towards women, but the idea of fucking a woman with another guy he’s totally down for yk, he’s definitely comfortable with himself and open to experimenting but something about Jean fucking THEIR friend Sasha fires him up??

He’s still the most experienced out of the three of them, never in a threesome but has watched enough of them lol, he even did extra research to prepare omg

He strokes himself off underneath Sasha, who’s being fucked by Jean

And Connie’s an ass? Talking to them like a little shit. “So this is how you did it without me last time, huh? I missed out on all this fun?”

I’ll save the big details for the fic so you have to read it sorry xoxo, but let’s say Jean ends up fucking Sasha’s mouth while Connie switches and begins fucking her? Like your classic Eiffel Tower shit

They definitely high five while fucking Sasha lol but she’s also loving it we know she’s a freak

I bet Connie would feel this weird possession about fucking Sasha? Like he sees how wet she got from cumming with Jean’s cock inside her and he’s like well we gotta out do this, I gotta show her how good I’m gonna make her feel

No warning just immediately rams himself into her, her gasp barely audible around Jean’s cock

And this is when he starts to like “hm I could get used to this”, just an idle thought he brushes off as he slaps her ass, grabbing the fat of it afterwards to thrust deeper into her

I bet they talked about it before, but Connie definitely is all “You gonna let me cum inside you, huh, Sash? Gonna be a good girl and let me fill you up?”

Jean’s already came in her mouth and he’s holding her, petting her hair and playing with her tits as she cries out, nodding and turning back to look at him

I bet Sasha’s fucked out expression is what sends him over the edge

They end up all passed out next to each other with Sasha in the middle, they’re too sweaty and gross to be comfortable but they promise to help wash the sheets and clean up/get breakfast in the morning

But somehow Connie and Sasha both wake up in the middle of the night (she elbows him accidentally), and before they go back to sleep he’s just kind of like, wait wait

And he slips a hand in her underwear just to feel the mess of his cum leaking into her underwear

Omg he’d slip a finger inside her, trying to push it into her again (fuck I love Connie too much someone needs to put me in horny jail)

She’d just kind of whine quietly, half asleep but wrapping her arm around him and shuffling closer, carefully spreading her legs further

He’d finger her for a little bit but her whines and noises start to get too loud, they’re too lazy to move to the bathroom or something so they put a pin in it

Connie does tilt Sasha’s jaw towards him and kisses her though? It’s like the first time he’s ever kissed a girl after sex so it’s kind of startling to him, it just seems too romantic and he can’t possibly feeling this towards his best pal Sasha??

But Sasha’s kissed guys after sex so she’s like whatever lol gnight dude

Things are fine between the three of them because Connie just compartmentalizes his emotions and Jean and Sasha have already fucked

But now when they talk about going to parties, Connie doesn’t really want to hook up with random girls anymore? And he gets pissy when Sasha mentions bringing a guy back to her place

But also Sasha picks up on that and she doesn’t even seem to care about the guys she’s hooking up with?? Jean can see it SO CLEARLY she’s using these other guys to distract herself from Connie

One day Jean shows up at Sasha’s door and is like “so when did you start liking Connie?”

Ends with Sasha crying to Jean about how she doesn’t know? He had a thing for her in their sophomore year of high school? They were each others first kisses? She even had a thing for him once in their senior year, but this is DIFFERENT she knows it’s going to ruin their friendship

Literally Ymir and Historia are there because they were just giving her shit for this too but now they’re comforting her

Jean just had the EXACT SAME conversation with Connie, even with the same tears, and Eren and Mikasa there to comfort him LMAO

But Jean doesn’t say anything about that, he just says she should talk to him about it (just like he told Connie to do) and she’s like lol NO

A couple days later though Connie says the most OUTTA pocket thing?? Something about a girlfriend??

In my mind it’s always Mina just because but idk we’ll see

Connie in an attempt to evade the confrontation of talking to Sasha about his feelings has decided that burying them deep inside himself is the way to go

And Sasha literally texts Jean and is like SEE?!???? He doesn’t like me it’s fine this is fine 🥲

And Jean is like THESE TWO DUMBASSES WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

Cue him and Marco having to play matchmaker, maybe even fall in love themselves while they’re at it 😗

Idk how it’s gonna end ngl but if you stuck around this long you should tell me your thoughts via reply or ask

#jeansashaconnie #jeanconniesasha #jeansasha #conniesasha #springles #jean kirschtein #sasha braus #connie springer #college au #snk #shingeki no kyoujin headcanons #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #attack on titan #fic ide #aot #aot fanfiction #mine

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r-brauns · 2 years

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Selfishly, For You -- Read on Ao3

Jean finally had Mikasa in his arms, in his bed. While he knew he should be happy, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong - that by doing this he was betraying a friend, a cherished comrade. Worried that he was letting his own selfish desires cloud his conscience, he struggles to stay in the moment while the girl of his dreams is right in front of him, naked and wanting him.

**HEAVY Spoilers for Chapter 138. If you aren't caught up with the series ending and don't want to be spoiled, do not proceed.**

Rating: Explicit (Sexual content)

Words: 3,670

Fandoms: Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin

Categories: M/F

Relationships: Jean Kirstein / Mikasa Ackerman (Jeankasa) / Mentioned Eren Yeager

Other tags: Post-Canon, Heavy Angst, Loss Of Virginity, Self-doubt, Self-reflection, Closure, First Time, Romance, Vaginal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Post Time-Skip

#Attack on Titan #AOT #shinjeki no kyojin #snk #Jeankasa #jean kirschtien #mikasa ackerman #ao3 #Angst #Heavy angst #Character study #Chapter 138 spoilers #aot manga spoilers #my fic #mine

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lady-eny · 2 years

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TITLE: ON THE NATURE OF DUTY (17/17) COMPLETED!

Some tags: AU - Spies & Secret Agents, Enemies to Lovers, Action, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Mikenana, Minor Zekehan, Minor Character Death, Reincarnation.

Summary:

In another life, they meet again. But what if instead of comrades, they find themselves as enemies?

Levi, Eldia’s best agent, lives to fulfill his duty. Yet, as he teams up with his enemies to save the world, he begins losing sight of it. Despite reminding himself how much he hates Hange—the marleyan star analyst—being around her makes him question everything he believed true.

He can’t prevent his brain from scrambling at her mere presence, ever closer. Perhaps it’s that he recognizes her from a long time ago…

CROSS-POSTING ON: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 Notes: So.. here we are, at the end of yet another journey **gets emotional**

Thanks for reading this entire fic. It means a lot. I really wanted to give a second change to our favorite couple. They deserved it, but of course they had to overcome some things and let some others settle before that.

Hope y’ll have a great day, week, year. Take care✨

Chapter 17

“Hey… Four eyes.”

He stepped in, feeling the world around him craving in.

She pasted a weird smile over her mouth, trying to act all cheerful. “You understand. It’s finally here, you know?... It’s my turn. I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now. So just… Let me go, will you?”

His heart clenched within his chest, his eyes losing any light they could have contained before. He stared down at his useless hands. He couldn’t do anything, less when she was asking him to do nothing. As always, his heart was first in no one’s prioritizing list—not his, not hers.

For both, their duty was the owner of the top place and would always be.

Wouldn’t it?

Levi’s head is gradually killing him—that, or he’s already dead. His luck is such that perhaps even dead he won’t stop hurting, so that would make perfect sense. Likely, it’s the former instead of the latter; this pain is all too familiar. He recognizes the neat and worn scanty surface beneath his fingers, as he’s laid on it a hundred times hitherto. The constant beep of a monitor, the lemon whiff he inhales with every breath, and the arctic air chilling his bones (whoever thought a thin gown was enough to protect from the air conditioner was an idiot).

All this proves what he knew the moment he regained conscience.

He’s in the hospital.

Knowing that, Levi doesn’t open his eyes, too drained by the ache behind his eyelids. He knows what he’ll see at first glance, anyway: bright and blinding fluorescent lighting—capable of boosting his headache by an extra thousand percent. His muscles are sore, his shoulder and side numbed, and his throat burns. He must have been pretty bad, because upon waking up, he’s usually in better shape.

What happened? Images mingle in his mind and vanish. Hange in danger, he trying to save her, promising her to remain alive… blankness. He got hurt, then? Did he save her? Is she alive?

Minutes go by, but the pain doesn’t decrease.

I’ll stay here for a while, Levi muses, so there’s no point in delaying the inevitable.

He opens his eyes back to reality and winces at the explosion of enlightenment. He blinks rapidly to adjust. The view he encounters is not different from his expectations. White ceiling, white walls, white bed—as if someone had shitted white paint and sprinkled it on every corner.

At the fore of his bed, on a desk, a blond man is reading a stack of papers.

“Such a nice place to work,” Levi tries to say—emphasis on tries, as his words come out as a squawk. He clears his throat, but he continues sounding raspy in his next attempt. His hand stretches to a water glass on the side table and he takes a sip. The water sliding down his throat feels like the hit of ice spikes through his tract. Yet it does help him regain his natural speech. “How… What happened?”

Erwin doesn’t answer, abstracted by his work as he is. He puts a pen on his ear in a clumsy way Levi’s never seen from him before. Dark bags hang under his eyes and his hair is disheveled, also a new look to Levi. It births an unsettling churn in his stomach. For Erwin to look like this, Levi can only imagine the worst possible scenario. Zeke won…. The attacks happened… Global chaos…

Hange dead.

Levi can’t handle any more silence. “Erwin,” he calls, piercing the subject of his attention with his eyes, until the other man sighs and sets the papers down.

“The threat was neutralized,” Erwin tells him, and Levi’s glare loses its fang. “Zeke Yeager is in jail, and we’ve dismantled most of Tybur’s cameras and devices from around the globe. We also captured most of the people in their headquarters and are trying to discover the infiltrators in the governments, Eldia’s included. Some run away, but they don’t have anywhere to go and everyone is seeking them out. We’ll find them.”

He assimilates the information. The most important unknown is at the edge of his tongue… He can’t make himself throw it out. Levi chooses to ask a simpler question, instead.

“Tybur was…?”

“We are aware of his crimes, but he’s extremely powerful. We can’t do anything big against him now, but he won’t be able to restart the previous organization for the time being.”

Levi swallows the limp in his throat. The effort only makes his head spin, and the lump tighter. “That’s good,” he says, strained. “Did any civilian die?”

Erwin shakes his head and returns to work with a frown. If that’s true, why does Erwin look so troubled? Why is he so clearly overworked and tired? Levi supports his weight with his arms and sits upright, flinching at the blaze of pain that shoots through his side. The bead creaks as he adjusts his position.

“Take it easy,” Erwin advises. Never glancing up from his papers, he lifts his index finger. “Before you ask, your friend was deported to Marley.”

He wasn’t about to ask that, exactly, but that does answer his actual question. She’s alive. Relief sinks him deeper into the bed.

Erwin continues, “As far as I know, she infiltrated the organization’s server and obtained data about their other bases. That’s how we’ve found and captured most of them.”

Of course she did. Levi fights the corners of his mouth, which are kicking upward.

It’s over. The mission, the global threat. They more or less succeeded. And now…

“Did the war between Marley and Eldia resume?”

Erwin leans back on the chair and looks at the large window covered by blinds. Not even a hint of light seeps in from them.

“Yes.” The lonely word overwhelms the room with a stinky odor.

Levi wrinkles his nose. “I see.”

It could mean a lot of things. Levi hoped all the recent death would pacify the sparkle of conflict between the two nations, but from the look on Erwin’s face… Does this mean they’re back into their original positions, as before this mission? Like nothing transpired?

His body turns much heavier, making a hole in the bed. Memories flash in his head. He, going from city to city—a figure in motion without a soul, going through circumstances he never wants to repeat. The face of the people he’s killed, the debris and screams from the innocent after the bombings. Hange’s voice when she told him about her family.

His mother.

How to forgive Eldia for causing so much harm? The idealized version of his country no longer exists, along with the idea of its safety justifying every action taken against those who don’t share the same place of birth. It remains the place he’s grown into, though—the one that saw his mother born and die, even when its puppeteers are the ones who orchestrated her death. The one he’s dedicated his entire life to. Can he give it his back? More so, can he rely on his people once more, knowing what he does?

He watches Erwin warily until the other man catches sight of his gaze. He taps his papers into order and interrupts Levi’s inner turmoil. “You don’t trust me.”

No need to deny the obvious. “No, I don’t.”

“Will you ever trust me again?”

“I don’t think so.” Trust is hard to build; but once lost, it’s virtually impossible to recover.

Erwin winces. “We’re a team. For our work, you should make an effort to overcome the past.”

“Do you think we’ll keep working together? Our superiors won’t return me under your care after what I did. They’ll say you can’t handle me.”

“It will end soon, either way.”

“Pardon?”

Erwin exhales. “There have been talks. I guess even Pixis is tired, and the increase in the power of the WCO over the public following this event is something to take into account. If things keep heading this way, we might get a peace treaty soon. Or not. Nothing’s yet been stated, it’s just the mood.” Erwin folds his arms onto his chest and presses his lips into a line.

That’s… excellent news, actually. Sure, it could get to nothing, still, it’s better than how things were a mere week ago, when peace was unthinkable.

“Why aren’t you content?”

Erwin has devoted his entire life, his every minute and breath, to this war. To Eldia. Levi expected relief from him; in its place, he’s emanating waves of frustration. The last time they thought the war was over—when Levi resigned—Erwin wasn’t pleased, but neither angry. Just… lost.

“Marie left me.” Erwin rubs his temples. “She said… She said I’m never around. That I should have married the war.”

“But the war is ending, isn’t it? You can talk to her. You guys always fix it.”

“No.” Erwin bobs his head. “She doesn’t want to come back this time, and… she has someone else now. Besides, I don’t know what she’d come back for. What am I, without the war?”

Levi stirs on the bed, the sadness in Erwin’s words too massive for him to completely grasp. For the first time maybe, he regards the man at his front quite plainly. The wrinkled ends of his clothes—which years ago used to be flawless—are Erwin’s current fixation. He smooths and smooths and smooths his sleeves. They don’t seem to be able to straighten again.

“You’re Erwin Smith, before and after the war. It doesn’t define you.”

Erwin nods, but closes his eyes, discarding Levi’s words as soon as they come. Erwin has always been so strong; capable of altering history, in his past life and this one. The first source of Levi’s purpose and a friend. But he’s also been consumed by his goals, so badly that, without them… What’s left? He’ll have to find himself over again or perhaps discover a new dream to chase.

“Maybe the negotiations will fail,” Erwin says to himself. “I always pictured how the world would be without war, wanted it, and now… Peace is amazing, but is it true peace if we don’t win? A treaty is like claiming a tie, and we wouldn’t be making them pay for all the hurt, all the dead…” Erwin winces. “There’s always the future. People won’t stop hating each other for a paper. The future may bring more war, sooner than later.”

Lost in a purpose. If Levi continues on this road, will he look like Erwin, later on? Devoted to the point of obsession to a single thing so damn much, that he lost everything else on the way, even himself?

Levi outstretches his hands, wanting to help the person he used to consider his best friend—but is there something he could do? He drops them and looks at his helpless hands. Even in the past, Erwin couldn’t overcome his desire for a greater purpose, neglecting the people who loved him around from time to time. He doesn’t know how to change that.

The unique thing Levi’s certain of is that he doesn’t want to be like this his entire life… But despite his best wishes, he’ll probably be.

Won’t he?

***

Levi’s injuries are sluggish to recover.

A couple of months go by in a spiral of tasteless hospital food, muscles aching from spending so much time restricted on a bed, and a pool of anxiety getting more and more loaded with every passing day. He still hasn’t been able to contact Hange.

Like everything does, his stay in the colorless room ends. The day to get released from the hospital ultimately arrives, wherein his body is indeed healthier, if overflowed by stress.

Levi opens his apartment door with a creak, flips on the lights, and takes it all in from the doorway. It’s startling to find it looking the same, which is, of course, a rather illogical thing to feel. Why would it have changed? Yet, he feels as it should have. All in all, it does feel different—the gray carpet, furniture, and walls seem opaque, and the stillness overly disturbing. Empty, in a way.

He takes a deep breath in. It remains his place, so he better gets used to it again. He tosses his bag onto the sofa and shuffles to the kitchen, where he selects the sweetest tea of his collection, puts some water to boil, and brews it. He takes out his phone and, with no hesitation whatsoever, dials a number he’s been calling a little too much these last few weeks.

Mike’s face projects from his phone, the bluish light making his skin look ill—not to mention the addition of a cast on his arm, which truly shows his still weakened state. Levi places the phone on the countertop.

“Ackerman. I was wondering where you were.” Mike takes a look at Levi’s surroundings. “Did you finally escape the hospital?”

“Barely.” Levi places his steaming cup on the countertop and sits. “How’s the arm?”

“Healing and resting happily.” Mike sniffs a plate, then smiles and takes a spoon of its content. It appears to be soup. “Not everyone is a workaholic super-agent like you. Most of us do like vacations and free time.”

Levi’s elbow slides forward on the countertop, his chin in hand. “Maybe I should do it someday…”

“No time like the present.” At Levi’s lack of reply, Mike adds, “So, you’re embarking on another mission soon?”

Possibly. Before being discharged from the hospital, Erwin told him he expects Levi to return to his duty as soon as possible, and interpreted Levi’s silence as an affirmative response. His guts tangle unpleasantly upon merely thinking about going into one again, and yet…

“Have you heard from her?” Levi changes the subject to one they always end up discussing anyway.

Mike takes a spoonful of soup into his mouth. Chews and swallows, taking his pretty time doing it, probably aware of how fidgety Levi is as he waits for his answer.

“I did.”

That’s new. Levi straightens. “What did she say? Will she call me?”

“I didn’t talk with her, personally. I talked with Nifa. She told me Hange’s doing well, she’s just been engrossed in all the work, chasing The Orions and attending meetings with Pieck about Eldia, etc.” Mike catches Levi’s eyes. “She’s not purposely avoiding you.”

“Right.” Levi’s fingernail picks at a weird stain glued to the countertop. He should undertake a profound cleaning session soon. “She’s just too busy to give someone a one-minute call.”

“You should know she’s always like this. She disappears. Keeps her distance,” Mike says. Obviously, Levi knows, mostly from what he’s heard. It’s possible the problem is he expected otherwise, believing she’d realize she doesn’t have to, not anymore. That, with his recovery, he proved she isn’t guilty of the deaths surrounding her. Or at least, that he allowed her to take a step closer to letting that go. Guess not. “You aren’t either.”

“What?”

“Calling her directly anymore,” Mike explains.

Well, no. Even he understands what so many unanswered rings imply. “I surmised that if she wanted to, she’d have called me back a long time ago.” But she hasn’t. Isn’t that enough of an answer? “How’s Shadis?”

Mike leans back. “Still healing in the hospital. He’ll be alright. Last time we talked, he was ecstatic because Hange had paid him a visit.”

“Oh. That’s good.” They shouldn’t, but the words taste bitter on his tongue. Perhaps she let go of her misconception of being a danger to her loved ones. Perhaps she did with everyone except Levi. Not that he minds it.

At all.

Half of Mike’s mouth tilts into a smile. “I know her, Hange must have her motives. She’ll come back to you… eventually.”

“Whatever.” Levi shrugs. He doesn’t care about it. He merely wanted to make sure she was okay, which he just got verification of. Now he can stop trying to reach her out and respect her evident desire to ignore him. Finished topic.

“If you say so.” Mike holds the plate in his hands, tilts it, and sips the last of the soup. “Did you watch that movie I told you about?”

“Gak. I did, thanks for the waste of time. I’m nothing like that Tom character.”

“Oh, come on! You even talk like him! You constructed your entire personality based on his demeanor, I’m sure. The weird part is he’s a favorite among the ladies, and well, you…” Levi nearly chokes on a sip of tea and lifts an irritated eyebrow. Mike lets out a laugh. “Sorry, kidding. Nana used to say…” He trails off, and his gaze gets lost somewhere far away, as it tends to do.

Levi, as he also tends to do when Mike behaves like this, uses the companionable silence to ruminate. What is he doing next? Even when Erwin’s orders of coming back to work sound so dreadful, what else is he supposed to do? He still wants to help his people, as they’re innocent of their leaders’ wrongdoings. Moreover, he has nothing in his life except what he’s done in its entirety; what he’s done even in his past life. Serving. Fighting. Following orders.

Dedicating his heart to humanity.

In the end, though, what difference does it make what he does? Are the past and the present any different? What has he accomplished by relentlessly fighting?

Nothing.

Therefore, what’s the point of it all?

“What would you do if I told you nothing we do matters? That regardless of how hard we try, nothing will change. That we’re in a perpetual cycle of death and destruction with no way out, and we have zero control over anything.”

Mike looks at him oddly, as if afraid he developed scales overnight. Levi deduces he sounded way more fatalist than usual.

“That would be a lot to take in,” Mike starts, “but I’d keep eating my soup, watch another movie before sleeping, and prepare to return to work next week just like I was going to do before hearing that.”

Levi thinks about it. Basically, he’d do the same without a care.

“But without Nana,” Mike keeps going, “returning to work feels too hard. Maybe it’s time I retire and try something else…”

“Would that be okay?”

“Why not? Change is good. Doing something new doesn’t mean you’re neglecting the past, you know? You’re just moving on for your own sake.”

“Yes, but…” Something about it makes Levi feel uneasy. “You’re one of the best agents. Wouldn’t that be—?”

“Selfish?” Mike finishes for him. And yes. That’s exactly what Levi was, deep inside, thinking. Mike gives him a knowing smile. “Possibly. Yet I believe our greatest duty is, first and foremost, with ourselves.”

By the time they swap goodbyes, Levi’s too tired to notice the unbearable calmness of his apartment. He moves to his balcony and lets the door snick shut behind him. The night has crept on the sky since he returned, the air getting as cold as every time he’s come here seeking energy to go through.

He slouches into his green recliner, unlocks his cellphone, and goes straight to social media. Reading through a few posts, he stumbles upon a Joan The Slayer’s spoiler that stops his heart.

Randy… no!

His first impulse is to tell Hange about it, but… Right, he can’t talk to her. He rubs a hand over his chest, feeling the claws of longing closing around his heart and eliciting a kind of ache he’d never been familiar with. In this life, at least.

He got to see her again. However, isn’t it unfair how they’re still torn apart? His past life was all about his duty and this is no different. In the past, though, which other option did he have? They were at the literal end of the world, with humankind at stake. Now… Things aren’t that straightforward. He isn’t the same. Back then he wasn’t aware of how everything would be despite his sacrifices. He didn’t know how dark and flavorless the world would be due to her absence.

Levi stares up at the hidden stars, concealed by the grayish clouds. He’s so tired—tired of death, of being the one who exerts it to hurt others. Of prioritizing the greater good above his own. He recalls the last years of his current life, the constant coming and going, the numbness of it all. How he kept losing more of his warmth with every kill, because he was killing himself too. Little by little.

Talks about ending this conflict have reached the ears of the general population with mixed opinions. Levi wishes he could step into a room, click a button, and end it all. But he alone can change nothing, that much he does know. Worse, he no longer knows what to do with himself. What’s his purpose?

He is drifting through an uncontrollable, unknown future. And he’s scared. Overwhelmed. Sad. The emotions are so strong they oppress his chest until they prevent the entry of oxygen. He focuses on the stars to anchor himself, those flashing and distant points. In the solid chair beneath him, the fabric gently caressing his skin. In the thick but cool wind against his cheeks and the faint but recognizable scent of traffic, of car exhausting gas.

In the nothingness of everything.

And a notion settles firmly within himself, amongst the out-of-control chaos driving him to panic. It’s true. Nothing he does carries meaning, because in the end it all comes to the same thing—whereas destruction or death. And yet. And yet it does matter, because it matters to him, because he gives it meaning. In that sense, what’s ultimately important are his actions. What he’s done and what he’ll do.

So what will he do?

Saving people, a country, the world. These are good things—no one could argue otherwise. Still, shouldn’t there be more? Maybe, just maybe… Sacrifices are overly glorified.

Levi wants to do good. He does. But he wants to be happy as well, without having to lose more and more parts of himself performing what some people consider ‘things for the greater good’. He doesn’t want to give up the smiles of the ones he loves for more time, and while he doesn’t dare to claim knowledge on the reason he’s here, or what here even is…Shouldn’t this life be a second chance?

History doesn’t need repetition.

Yet, does he possess enough force to give his back to everything he’s known?

Could he be selfish for once in his whole existence?

***

The hallway is brimming with politicians, diplomats, and various ambassadors. They all look so much alike that, to Levi’s eyes, they’re practically clones, with their pristine dark tailored suits, their heads buried in their phones, and their haircuts and mustaches sharing an identical style. Anyone claiming eldians and marleyans are abysmally different should take a look into this room.

Levi leans back onto a wall, at the furthest and most secluded side of the hall—not for tiredness or his health. He’s entirely capable of standing upright, but his energy isn’t currently present. Erwin wanted to show him off as the savior of the world to the WCO visitors, but he solely agreed to attend expecting to meet someone. The faint hope that Hange would come—as she’s the main voice behind these negotiations—is slowly fading. No one but those strutting peacocks is around, talking as if it was a gift, being allowed to hear them out.

“It’s starting,” Erwin tells him.

And Levi wants nothing but to return to his place and sleep for an entire day.

Erwin sits around a massive square table, and Levi follows suit. Lines are clear enough; at one side, with their backs to the clouded light of the picture window covering most of the wall, eldians glare at the marleyans, who return the look with equal force from their front. Then you have the WCO people, looking uncomfortable in the hostile environment.

Not Levi. He’s arms-crossed in the middle of it all, his sight on his cup of tea. He couldn’t care less about the mute aggressions. After nodding to Mike—who just arrived with the WCO guys—he begins mentally recounting every pending task for his upcoming cleaning session. Buy more cleaning supplies, look for a product that removes soot…

“Let’s begin,” the marleyan Queen’s ambassador states; he’s a man with sunken eyes, glasses, and gray hair. “We found your response lacking…”

Levi’s mind disconnects and wanders to other topics. Soon, he must have a conversation with Erwin about his missions, although he doesn’t know what to tell him yet, or if he’ll be capable of doing so. Only that sitting on the side of the people who ordered the death of millions—including his mother—makes him nauseous. And following their decisions once again, more so.

The doors slam open. Everyone’s heads raise at the noise, including Levi’s.

“Ahh… You already started. Sorry for the delay! Something about me having been deported before.”

Hange strides in with a stack of papers under her armpit. And she is… the same. Levi drinks her in, from her messy ponytail to the beads of sweat on her forehead. Her round thin-framed glasses, the green military suit she’s wearing, the apparent clumsiness of her movements while taking a seat in front of him.

Right. In front. Of him.

His spine straightens up and he clutches his cup, forcing his breaths to ease his heartbeats. It’s like he was previously starved, and now he’s full—a sensation that makes him a little self-conscious, to say the least.

Careless of the silence of the room, Hange arranges her papers in front of her. Tilts her gaze up to meet his unwavering one. And she smiles—and what a smile it is. It spreads from her mouth to her eyes and skin and posture. If he held any doubts about how she was going to react to seeing him again, they suddenly evaporate. His breath frees itself from his chest, deflating him but leaving him feeling giddy and light. Without his permission, his mouth mirrors her smile.

“Ahem,” the Queen’s ambassador utters. “May we proceed?”

Hange blinks and shakes her head. “Of course! Zackly, where were you?”

So they continue, coming back to discuss the future of their countries. And once again, Levi doesn’t listen to a single word until the room increases its pitch and he has no other option but to pay attention.

From the head of the table, Pixis steeples his hands at his fore. “It’s outrageous! How do you expect us to agree?”

“How is giving back our spacial station outrageous? It was ours in the first place,” Hange retorts with fire in her eyes. She thereafter goes ahead talking about the most convenient approaches for both nations, making herself heard and shutting down the others’ arguments. Levi doesn’t think he’s ever met someone so expressive and clever, yet good-natured at the same time. It might be an effect of the yellowish light from the lamps scattered across the table, but while speaking her mind, she appears to be glowing.

The meeting extends for another two hours. Two hours of Levi getting butt numb and filling himself with the view of someone he never anticipated to miss scarcely months ago.

“We are taking a break,” an old man next to Pixis says. “Ten minutes.”

Everyone raises to their feet and approaches the door. Upon crossing the threshold with Pixis and his retinue, Erwin shoots him a sideways glare. Mikes gives him a thumbs-up before going out with his coworkers, and shortly, the room is empty. Except for them.

Levi stands up and loosens his uncomfortable tie while Hange gathers her papers together, looking flustered.

“I didn’t expect to see your shitty glasses here,” Levi says, chewing the lie. “How… How have you been?” Why haven’t you called me back?

“Just… busy.” She rocks on her heels and moves to the picture window, which shows the suddenly dazzling and almost blinding sunlight. “Like you, I suppose. How are your wounds? I was afraid they were lying to me and you weren’t fine at all. But you are. Haha.” She hugs the stack of papers against her chest. Folds and unfolds the tip of the last sheet with her fingers.

“You asked about me?”

“Well, yes,” she says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I’ve called you,” he discloses, trying really hard not to make it sound like an accusation, and totally failing. He wipes his damp palms on his pants to avoid the impact of his words up front. “They said you were out of reach.” He shoves his hands into his pants pockets. “And then I talked with Mike, who said you weren’t answering him either. I thought…” You weren’t talking only to me. “… we wouldn’t meet again.” An oddly depressing idea.

“I thought I should give you some time.” She switches her weight from one foot to the other. “You got hurt because of me, and… Shadis is alright, by the way. Recovering just fine.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“It is.” Hange nods many times. “Actually, I came here to talk to you.” She sighs. “I didn’t know you were going to come here, though, so I’m unprepared. I hoped they’d let me out enough time to go looking for your place after the meeting.” She lowers her head. “I was being over-optimistic. I ain’t allowed out of this building and must go straight to my hotel and then to the airport tomorrow. You’d think teaming with them in the past would soften them, but…”

He nods, knowing his people all too well. She sneaked from their view once, after all. War or peace, they won’t take any more risks that pertain to her.

“That I got hurt wasn’t your fault…” He begins, but his eyes widen after replaying her words. “How did you know I live here?”

“Oh, isn’t it obvious? Err—maybe not. You live on the south coast and must be in constant communication with Erwin, who lives here… in this city on the south coast… which is also the center of many government buildings…” She jerks a shoulder. “Quite easy.”

“If you put it like that…”

Hange encounters his eyes. “I wanted to tell you— I know things have been weird and that we still have a long way to go as countries. Our nations continue to be in not-the-best-of-terms, but… I was wondering if you’d want to… I don’t know. Meet me in the middle and get to know me better? Nothing big, just go out with me like, someday?”

Levi’s muted, any possible reply stuck in his paralyzed throat.

Her face falls. “You don’t want to.” She plasters a smile over her face, yet her eyes glint with disappointment. “Of course, I understand. It’s fine. Even if the conflict ends, it’s not like eldians will suddenly want to trade hugs with a vicious marleyan, right? So I’ll just… go.” She tosses her thumb over her shoulder. Her smile grows bitter. “… See you later.”

No… I can’t let her go again. His body reacts before his brain, and he reaches out for her hand, taking hold of it at the last second. She turns back at him, expectant.

“Four-eyes, I—”

“It’s time,” a man announces, clapping from the doorway.

The meeting attendees pour back into the room, bringing the noise from their conversations with them. Hange bites her lower lip and lets go of his hand before coming back to the table. His heart shrinks while looking at her shape drifting away. He retakes his previous seat; at his front, Hange keeps rolling a piece of paper between her fingers, purposefully avoiding his gaze.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to. It’s only… terrifying. He never allowed himself to truly consider the possibility, and now… Can he?

Not if he stays working as an eldian agent.

If they never sign a treaty, he might be sent to attack and sabotage her people again. Even if they do agree on peace, nothing guarantees they won’t keep trying to have the upper hand in other aspects—that’s how the ones possessing this kind of power work, using people like him as insignificant pawns in their schemes. To this day, they’ve guarded the safety of his people, and that’s why he worked for them—or he thought they did. Recalling his mother’s death, it’s evident they haven’t done that, not when it didn’t align with their interests. But giving his back to what his mother stood for... It’s not easy.

His entire life, he’s been doing what his duty demands, other people always knowing best what that entailed. He doesn’t want to do that anymore, to perform what his duty as a soldier or as an agent demands because of the greater good. To waste yet another day stuck in this never-ending loop of duty and hate and death. He craves to choose himself, if only once.

Levi succeeds at catching Hange’s hazel eyes and holds them. He’s seen some of her worst moments and she’s seen his. And still, despite every flaw he’s able to point out, he only finds her breathtaking. When did she even start crawling underneath his skin? He gives her a faint smile, and hesitantly, she returns it, the way she invariably does.

In essence, she’s the same Hange Zoe she’s always been, and he refuses to think of a future without her ever again. Not for another meaningless war, nor for a duty for which he already devoted his whole life once.

The meeting ends with the accord of maintaining an indefinite calm and keep trying to come to a treaty. The results don’t improve a lot, but it’s nevertheless a step forward. With both parts open to it, Levi hopes it’s bound to happen.

Erwin moves in the direction of the press conference about to start, in which they’ll inform the world of the results of the meeting.

“Erwin,” Levi shouts, his voice steady regardless of his racing heart palpitations. He straightens his tie. When he has Erwin’s attention, he informs him, “I… I’m retiring.”

Erwin snaps his head to him. “Excuse me?”

“Even if the war continues, I won’t be here for it. I want to be out.”

“You can’t—”

“Why not?

The sole thought of resuming his missions has his insides quivering in anxiety. Reluctance overwhelms him, and he clenches the hems of his suit to hold himself into place. He will no longer be part of this war. He won’t fight Hange. He refuses to be her enemy or a weapon used against innocent people ever again.

“The war isn’t over and I thought you wanted to end it. Eldia needs you.”

“I’ve done enough for Eldia and nothing for myself… I think it’s time I do it.”

And I can’t do this any longer. I won’t survive. He deserves a life devoid of death and fights and blood. Even if he doesn’t, he’ll work for it. The rest of his life is spreading out in front of him, and he wants to enjoy the ride without ignoring his feelings and desires for a change.

Erwin looks around, the weak sound of flashes and yells filtering in from outside. “We better talk about this later.” He resumes his way with Levi on his heels. He won’t leave this building until being officially discharged.

They go out through a door that leads to an esplanade with reporters all around. The sun is dipping below the horizon, tinting the clouds to an almost pinkish hue. Levi stays to a side, careful of keeping his distance from the crowd, as he hates this sort of conglomeration. Upfront, Zackly says a few words to the microphone before the hundreds of flashes, followed by Pixis.

Time ago, Pixis’ speeches used to shake him to his core. He seemed so tall, so almighty, so wise... Now his figure is barely different from everyone else’s. Pixis’ political words no longer retain his attention; it’s instead stolen by something far more important at the back of the crowd. Hange. Her leg is kicking the floor in what looks like boredom.

Erwin steps towards the microphone and shares information about the meeting and more tiresome stuff like that. Levi’s ear perks up when he detects his name.

“... the famous agent Ackerman who is with me,” Erwin declares. Even when he doesn’t point at Levi, the aforementioned freezes in horror. What is he doing? Doesn’t he know how dangerous it is to bring out his name in something that will reach millions of screens? “He alone prevented the final strike of the terrorists who attacked the world a few months ago. He recently recovered from his multiple wounds, but as an exemplary eldian, he’s already on his feet and back with us.” Murmurs of approval rise like a wave through the audience. “This is an example of what we eldians can accomplish on our own...”

Levi’s mind spirals. Did he just hear what he thinks he just heard? He grinds his teeth. No, he can’t let his people believe more lies than they already do. Being in the background as he is, he still maintains his anonymity, but… he’s retiring, isn’t he? What’s the point of living in the shadows in the future?

Stumping, Levi steps forward, giving up his precious anonymity. He seizes the microphone and clears his throat. Erwin sends him a glare, but on camera, he allows him space and doesn’t ask what the hell he’s doing. Good thing, as Levi himself doesn’t know.

The face of his mother—pale and delicate, her long dark hair falling on her shoulders—comes to his mind as he looks at the confused faces in the audience, journalists and eldians and androids waiting for him to speak. Many times, his mother was part of that audience, and all she wanted was the best for them. She genuinely believed that would be achieved with Levi as an agent, but she was mistaken. She was only human, thus he can’t blame her for that. But finally, he understands that in the end, his mother would have agreed with what he’s about to do. She’d support it, even.

For the first time since that explosion took her from him, he feels completely clear-headed and airy. Levi steels himself and tightens his grip on the mic.

“Uhh... Hello.” The microphone makes a long, deafening beep that shakes everyone. “Sorry. Err, Erwin’s right. I am Ackerman and I helped the WCO end the global threat, but do you know who else did it?” Levi gestures behind him. “Her name is Hange Zoe, and believe it or not, she’s from Marley.” With one hand, he motions for her to come closer. Her facial muscles turn into stone, and after a second, she purses her lips and moves toward him.

Hange stops by his side and slides her glasses higher up on her nose. “Good afternoon, Eldia.” She seems to be speechless for a moment. Her hand reaches out to the air beside her, and Levi laces his fingers into hers, their hands joined together before every camera. He doesn’t let his mind delve into that. She takes a deep breath in and squares her shoulders.

“It’s a pleasure to be here with you,” Hange utters. “What Agent Ackerman said is true... We did it together. As you know, relations between Marley and Eldia have never been easy. Truth be told, for many centuries Marley has been the one to blame, but just as you aren’t the eldians of the past, we aren’t those people who wanted to take over the world at any cost…”

Hange continues speaking, injecting so much vigor into her voice that Levi can’t tear his eyes away from her. He wonders if, like him, everyone else can see how bright the light she holds inside is. She talks about dreams, but also, about ways to grasp them, and Levi’s mind enlarges in inspiration with her words. Maybe he doesn’t have to remain an agent to stop this. Maybe he can help to attain peace in other ways. Contributing in such a way may only represent a minuscule gram in the overall picture, but not because something is small it’s less valuable. Without the little, the big would never come to exist.

Among the desolate and dusky streets of his life, the days he spent working with Hange have been a pole light—which now convert into an entire sun pointing him in the right direction. As if, when he found her, he’d also found himself.

Hange walks away from the microphone, looking as if she wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor. Together, both recede to a corner, from where Levi eyes Erwin. He can see the angered lines on his forehead and the fury in those frozen-blue eyes with sheer clarity, and expects him to snap the second this ends.

“Why did you do that?” Hange mutters next to him. “You’ll get punished.”

“I’ll resign anyway.”

Hange opens her mouth and closes it. Opens it again. “You… What?!”

“Why is that so surprising?”

“You’re the one who would’ve volunteered to kiss Pixis’ shoes if requested.”

Levi clicks his tongue. He wouldn’t have gone that far… Likely.

Suddenly, a push shoves him to a recluse corner in the back of the esplanade. He finds himself leaning against a wall with a furious Erwin and his gritted teeth hovering over him. His heart thuds in his chest, apprehension and anger mixing with his blood.

“What the fuck?” Levi barks.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Erwin yells. That leaves Levi stunned. Erwin doesn’t curse. Never. “Do you know what Pixis just ordered me? To fire you! All because of your stupidity! If you wanted to quit, fine. But with this you wiped out any chance of getting referrals for yourself. It will be as if you had never done anything in your life!”

Beneath the fury, Levi detects traces of concern in him. A deep furrow tangles on Levi’s forehead. “So?”

Come to think of it, Levi likes the idea. A clean slate where he can start from scratch. It may be more challenging, but... it’s liberating to get rid of a past he isn’t proud of.

“How can you be so calm? Do you ever think about what your mother would have wanted? She was constantly worried about you, and with this sh—”

“She would’ve wanted the best for me.” In the end, she would have. He’s certain.

“Exactly. And this isn’t it. You’re ruining your life. What are you going to do now? You’ve never done anything but follow orders, and you just spoke in front of international cameras about who you are. Don’t you know you have enemies everywhere? They won’t let you live in peace. More importantly, will you be able to live in peace with yourself knowing how selfishly you’re behaving?”

Levi’s shoulders sag lower and lower with each strike of Erwin’s truths. He’s right... Though it’s hard for Levi to admit it. If he dares to live another life, wouldn’t he be dragging those around him into those difficulties?

Fear clogs his throat painfully.

“You really like talking nonsense,” a voice disrupts the grim future looming before Levi’s eyes. He turns to Mike, who is sauntering toward them with his hands in his pants pockets. “The world isn’t so small that a short person like him can’t drop off the radar if he wants it. And even if he’s recognized... there won’t be any major problems.”

“Oh, really?” Erwin arches an unbelieving bushy brow at Mike.

“That’s right. Because next to him there will be people willing to stand for him. Friends. True friends. Not friends”—Mike makes air quotes when saying the last bit—“who claim to be worried just to manipulate him into feeling however they wish."

Erwin says nothing, and keeps saying nothing when Mike pats Levi on the back and encourages him to follow him. After a heartbeat of hesitation, Levi clenches his fists and walks off, leaving a still silent Erwin behind.

They halt a step from rejoining the crowd. “You all right?”

Levi shrugs. He has no idea. His throat hasn’t yet recovered from the negative emotions he just developed. He does his best to swallow them. He hasn’t yet succeeded by the time Hange materializes from a side and gives him a little push with her arm.

“Hey. Where were you? I suddenly turned around and you were gone.” Her tone is light, but Levi can tell some tension brews underneath. ‘Is everything alright?’ is her actual question.

And it suddenly is. Levi inflates his lungs with the cool afternoon air and drives any hint of worry out of his body. He’s feeling much better altogether. Mike’s hand patting his back also provides some warmth. Friend. Can Levi really consider him as such?

“He ate something funny,” Mike explains, smirking. “I was only being a good person by aiding him in such a precarious state.”

Levi wags his finger. “Mike drank too much in the meeting. I was the one trying to protect the valuable eldian corners from Mike’s pee.”

Hange doesn’t seem to buy their excuse, but limits to shake her head with a smile.

Erwin reappears and frowns at the sight of the trio. He strides in their direction, and almost protectively, Hange takes a step toward Levi. Levi’s abruptly aware of the barrier she and Mike form around him, the circle he seems to be part of. He can’t stop the corner of his mouth from curling, sweet heat radiating from his chest. Erwin ignores them, but Levi doesn’t care at this moment. Maybe later he will.

It doesn’t take long for the multitude to disperse along with the other ministers. Even Mike waves them goodbye before rushing off to the rest of the WCO visitors. Levi and Hange should head off, too, but he finds his limbs reluctant to move away. So, for once, he doesn’t fight them and lets himself be.

He glances at the sky and an idea pops up in his head. It’s against the rules, but… “I want to show you something.”

Her eyes acquire a curious glow, and right then and there, Levi knows he made the correct choice.

Weary of whoever could remain around, he motions for her to follow him and leads her through a network of corridors to the rear of the building. They come to a room with nothing but office supplies, in which Levi takes out his identification card. He slides it through the electronic lock until a green light turns on.

The door opens onto a narrow street full of garbage cans. He looks back at the camera resting in a corner. “We better hurry up. They must have noticed us by now.”

They jog down the street and pass several blocks, the cool wind blessing Levi’s hot skin.

“I feel like a criminal,” Hange gasps when she comes to a halt after him. “Isn’t it weird I’ve never felt like this before, not even when I knocked you down and ran away?”

“You won’t go to jail for violating the limits of your permission by some blocks,” he assures. I hope so, at least. “And we’re here.”

They round a corner.

Hange’s mouth falls open, her gaze lost in awe at the huge old trees, whose leafy branches hang down to them. Levi unlocks a rusty metal gate with a squeak, and a road stretches out before them, boarded by grass and trees four times his size. Hange’s eyes are round as they move forward, mesmerized by the greenness of the entire landscape, sometimes adorned with pink or yellow dots—flowers that are mere buds waiting to bloom.

They arrive at a circular area with stone benches and a working fountain in the center. Fortunately, at this hour the place is devoid of people—which Levi already knew would be.

“Before becoming an agent and moving to this zone, my mother used to take me here whenever we visited the city. We used to feed the pigeons,” he says, looking at the birds pecking the ground around them.

“This is… beautiful,” she exhales, rolling on her heels to look at everything. “I never knew this existed. But again”—she smiles— “I never expected Eldia to hold so many surprises inside.”

Hange explores around for the minutes to follow, until she’s too tired and flumps next to him on a bench. It has some flowers carved on the back, and it’s clean and fresh and somewhat comfortable. Levi’s muscles relax and his mind flutters away, lulled by her presence at his side, the sound of birds singing, and the light wind caressing his skin. The sky is of a glittering dark purple, the lamps overhead illuminating the rows of trees lined around.

“I’m Levi,” he blurts out.

“Uh?”

“I mean, my real name is Levi. Magically, you got it right at first chance.”

She lets out a laugh and reclines to look up. “You know? It’s going to sound crazy—Nana told me so when I told her, but…” She looks at him out of the corner of her eye, as if deciding if she should tell him. Quite pointlessly, as Levi can’t recall a time when Hange Zoe was able to withhold something from him for long.

Seeming overcome by the words piling up in her mouth, she lets out a loud sigh. “When I was a child, after I lost my family, I used to feel so lonely and sad every day. And I… I started having these bizarre dreams of people I didn’t know.” Levi narrows his eyes at her. “In the back of my mind, I knew terrible things were happening to the people in those dreams, but waking up I only remembered the feelings of belonging and support. How at home and safe I felt. And most of the time, it was always with the same person, a grumpy man with little to no expressions, but a gentle heart. He instantly became my first crush,” she laughs.

Levi squirms. Could it be—? His phone rings and he takes it out to turn it off. Erwin is looking for them.

Unbothered by the interruption, Hange remains abstracted in memories. “In those years, he and Mr. Sonny helped me to get back to the road. I always thought it was something my imagination created to help me to cope… but then, he was there!” Humor and light radiate from her, making her smile gleam. “Imagine my surprise when I looked at the man who was about to shoot me dead and saw the very same face from my dreams. Just there, the person I wished to meet the most, with a gun to my face! My shitty luck, of course. I didn’t know what to do, but I… I just couldn’t kill you.”

“You were an idiot for not doing it.” If his body hadn’t reacted like that, if she hadn’t been fast enough, if the explosion hadn’t come… He can’t even picture harming her, now. “But thank you.”

“Aren’t you weirded out by what I’m saying?” She asks, tilting her head to a side. He jerks a shoulder, unsure of what to share, as he knows everything about it. It all feels too massive to summarize in some sentences. Perhaps in the future and with more time, he’ll tell her everything. “Well,” she keeps going, “then I got to work with you and, strangely, after a while I started feeling the same way I did in my dreams… at home.” Red spots color her cheekbones. “Ahem. Is that silly?”

No. I felt the same.

“Yes,” he replies. “But… I get it.”

“The entire time I was trying to discover if inside that nonchalant façade was the man I saw in my dreams.”

Levi crosses and uncrosses his legs. “… And?”

“And he was. And some.” She darts her gaze away from him. He feels himself glow from the inside out. Speaking as if she was in a race, and almost as an afterthought, she adds, “Now is the moment I ask if you thought about going out someday…”

His neck hardens, a hot layer covering his face. “Y—You said you don’t like dating.” He recalls her words in order to calm down the flapping in his stomach. “You said you were too busy.”

“Work should decrease in the future. We’ve progressed towards peace more than ever, which is a beginning...”

“Right.”

She doesn’t mention the lack of answers on his part. “What will you do when peace arrives, now that you’ll be unemployed?”

“Nothing.” He won’t, finally, have a responsibility to live for, which is frightening and exciting in equal amounts. “I’ll try not to fix the world’s wrongs anymore.” Not that much, at least.

Hange ponders his words. “That’s okay. And afterward?”

“I don’t know.” He hasn’t given it too much thought. He craves to do thousands of things, but at the same time, only a small number matters for real. “I want a tea shop and to help people, though I still have to figure out how...”

“Interesting. Well, mmm… I want a lab, in that case. I want to reborn more of these precious.” She waves a hand at the plants circling them. Above them, night has made its way to the sky. “Oh! And I want to own a library!”

“Okay. We can have one next to the tea shop. It would be a nice touch.”

“Yay!” She claps. “And we must have a door connecting both places!”

“Sure.” His gaze locks on hers, suspending her into place. “If you want it, we will. We’ve done enough to deserve it.”

He looks at her swallowing.

“You’re right.”

Right now, a more uninhibited person would lean in for a kiss, which Levi is anything but. Nevertheless… For the first time, he’s acting completely out of character, taking a path he never before dared to. Maybe he can do something else he desires. Can be spontaneous, if only for a minute?

Levi lifts his hand and, with one finger, traces the edges of Hange’s face, hitching her breath. His heart pounds hard against his ears, warmth spreading throughout him. Her eyes fixate on his mouth, and a shiver travels through his back. Her hot skin against his fingertips feels soft and pleasant.

He cups her face, covering her cheek, and she closes her eyes as he leans in. His lips brush hers as weightless as the moonlight above them, thousands of sensations releasing in overload. Her scent floods his nostrils, earthy and inherently hers. The press of their lips is firm and curious, a perfect burst of heat among the chilly night air. A rush of pleasure runs along his body and envelops him whole in warmth and bliss.

It’s intoxicating and addictive. He can’t figure out what to do with his hands, so he brings her closer and tangles one in her hair, deepening the kiss. Savors her, drunk in satisfaction, in her taste and the sensation of her chest pressing against his, the ardor in this.

They part between gasps, and Hange snuggles to his side, exuding warmth to his coldness. Her head rests on his shoulder and he takes a deep breath, drowsiness engulfing him, his heart calm and steady. At ease.

He tips his head up to the stars shining against the darkness, the ones never ceasing to beam no matter how their surroundings lack any light.

“Those stars there look like an arch…” Hange points up.

His eyes flutter shut. It’s unsettling, yet amazing, to do this with her beside him. He spent so many nights staring at the sky, wanting to see it with her again, longing for a place where they could meet in another life. And here they are. Finally.

Eventually, they’ll have to venture back to reality. He’ll have to mind what to do next and how to be around her without endangering anyone. But for tonight, he’ll delay it all as much as he can.

A chopping sound deafens them just as a helicopter flies over their heads.

“I think they found us,” she spouts, her hair ruffling with the air. Even with her disheveled hair, she looks stunning, her rosy cheeks visible under the helicopter’s lights. He doesn’t want to leave; rather, to stay under the night with her by his side a little longer… Thinking about it, it sounds like an excellent idea.

He jumps to his feet and offers her a hand. “I know where to hide for a little while.”

A laugh catches in her throat. “Ohhh, and adventure? With a chase? I’m in!” She clasps his hand and he hauls her up, making her crash against his chest.

“Let’s go.”

Squeezing her hand, he runs off, pulling her with him. His heart swells with happiness, the most he recalls ever feeling. For once, the idea of going to his apartment doesn’t shoot dullness to his core, but excitement. She laughs behind him, and it’s so contagious that he does, too. He never thought that running away together would be so much fun, but with her, perhaps any circumstance would end up qualifying as pleasant.

Having always moved according to what was demanded of him and what he could give to the world, acting for his own sake feels new and liberating—a feeling he never met before. It’s almost as if wings could appear from his back and propel him up to the sky at any second, and it would be only natural. Here and now, Levi commits to making this feeling routine.

He desires happiness, peace, and fulfillment. Wants to do a monotonous job and come back home with complaints about the people he met that day, only to find himself drained in the joy of Hange’s arms. Or maybe just stay in their home and clean until she’s back from working on her research. Either way, he’ll do his best to make it happen—to keep her smile and the color in her cheeks from never fading. To live together with her, in a cabin in the woods or in the midst of a metropolis or on another planet. No matter where, he longs for that kind of future with her. And this time and from now on, he’ll live it every day.

Stepping away from the kind of responsibility people like them bear might be selfish and not the noble thing to do. But they have done that already.

Out of the prison of the duty that used to keep them apart, now they have their entire lives ahead and the freedom to live them as they please.

They get to fully enjoy their second chance, beginning today.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction #levi x hange #levi x hanji #Levi Ackerman #Hange Zoe #aot #aot fanfiction #snk #multichapter #complete fic #enemies to lovers #reincarnation au #me #mine #myfics #OTNOD #thanks everybody!

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astereim · 2 years

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idk if this is just me but

i just CANNOT when writers use “the male” or “the female” in fics like 😭😭

are y’all studying wildlife like “the male species sat down and started eating ramen.” ????? 😭😭

“the female tucks her hair behind her ears,” ????? this sounds like you’re observing a female monkey or smth idk

#hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #it’s just an ick of mine #it’s so funny to me tho #like the scene could be angsty af and ‘a single tear slid down the female’s cheek’ would make me LOSE it #pls #my fellow writers on tumblr #do not do This to me #i am not hatecriming anyone use it if you want to #just know how it sounds 😭👍#haikyuu fic #fanfics

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sanktalucrezias · 1 year

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein Characters: Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirstein Additional Tags: POV Third Person, Post-Canon, Post-War, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Grief/Mourning, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Mikasa Ackerman Loves Again, Mikasa Ackerman Loves Eren Yeager, Jean Kirstein Loves Mikasa Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman Loves Jean Kirstein, Grief Creatures, Love Letters, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager Summary:

To navigating a world without Eren Jaeger and to being alive, despite it all.

#jeankasa #jean kirschstein #jean kirstein #mikasa ackerman #snk #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #my first fic ever #im excited to share it with you guys #i know there's no shortage of post-canon jeankasa fics #or jeankasa headcanons #but i still wanted to post #and feed my fellow jeankasa shippers #i have so many ideas and headcanons #im just really excited #mine

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imjustasimpxd · 4 months

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My Angel (Part Three)

➬ Reiner Braun x Fem reader

Part one | Part two | Masterlist | Blog Home | Aot Masterlist

Summary : Reiner was always taught that the devils of Paradis were vicious creatures, but what is he supposed to do when he soon finds himself reluctantly falling for one? Or when he is forced to go back to Marley and leave her altogether?

Word count : Almost 4, 300 words

Warnings : nothing really, reader is upset and isolates herself, Jean comforting reader,

Author’s notes : reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on😊

Disclaimer : this is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.

Side Note : this fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog, is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.

***Important Note***

Hello my dears, I’m sorry for going on hiatus HAHA, I was super busy with school and work, plus on top of that I had major personal issues that were just too overwhelming to deal with at the time; and I couldn’t even write at all until I got it solved. I was under a lot of stress and was feeling really down about a lot of things in my life so I stopped writing for a little while. But I’m doing better now and I started writing again! So here’s the long awaited chapter three :))) I’m legit just gonna be turning this into a series so stay tuned for more parts! I appreciate your support and patience! <333

“Y/n?” There was a gentle voice at your door, followed by a few quiet knocks against the wood. “Y/n, can I come in?”

Your head slowly lifted from the fetal position you had succumbed to, your vision still blurry with tears as they glanced across your bedroom to the entryway. Barely anything was visible in the dark expanse of your room, except the silhouette of a shadow under your door; a shadow you quickly recognized as Jean’s.

“Yeah, I guess.” You answered his request, quickly lifting your fingers to wipe away the tears littering your skin.

The door then opened slowly, allowing the light from the outside hallway to seep through; its piercing glow caused your eyes to squint after being in the dark for so long. Although, once you began to adjust to the brightness, you were able to make out Jean’s figure entering your room, along with a tray of food he was holding in his hands.

“Hey,” his voice was soft, a tender smile lining his lips as he walked over to your bedside; one of his hands then reached towards your nightstand to turn on the lamp. “There, that’s better. Did you turn nocturnal or something?” He teased, hoping to cheer you up in some small way.

Although, as his eyes glanced toward you, seeing no alleviation in your downcast expression, he realized it was going to take much more than a simple joke to bring you out of this fog you were enclosed in.

“I uh, I noticed you didn’t come down for dinner again.” Jean sighed and spoke with a gentle tone, awkwardly trying to change the subject. “So here, I brought you something.” He quickly stretched his arms outward to show you the tray of food he was holding, hoping it would improve your mood; even by the smallest amount.

You grinned faintly at his gesture. “Thanks, you can set it on my desk. I’ll eat it later.”

Jean’s eyebrows lowered at your words; that wasn’t the answer he was hoping for.

You said the same exact thing when he visited last night, and as he walked over to your desk to set your meal down like you asked, he realized it was foolish of him to believe you.

Already sitting there was the plate he previously brought you yesterday; the same one you promised you wouldn’t allow to go cold.

The food was uneaten, its texture now dry and spoiled after sitting out all night; even the fork he settled beside your plate was in the same exact spot he positioned it in before he left.

A disappointed sigh escaped Jean’s lips as he set the new meal down on your desk, knowing it would go to waste as well.

It’s a pity, had you not wasted it, Sasha would’ve been more than happy to eat at least half of your serving for you; just like she always did.

She used to demand to sit next to you for every meal, because you were the only one who was kind enough to let her steal your food. It started off as just a few bites of course, nothing too covetous, but, as time went by, she started unintentionally stealing almost half your plate.

She’d always apologize thoroughly for it though; she even began buying you a couple sweets from the local shop afterward to make up for it.

Sooner or later, it became a normal routine for you both. She’d eat her portion, as well as half of yours, then later she’d get you something in return. It was a fair trade, and it brought the two of you closer in the process.

Every meal since then was quite entertaining; not to mention loud. It always started with your thunderous laughter after Sasha, once again, scarfed down her food too fast that she ended up coughing. Following that was Connie’s usual “slow down, the food isn’t going anywhere,” comment that would always spark a brainless argument between the two.

Once their fight got more heated than just trivial little jabs, Jean would always step in and order them to cut it out. And every single time, almost like clockwork, Connie would call Jean his permanent nickname of “horse-face” that immediately had the whole table erupting in laughter; especially Eren.

Every meal it was something, and every single time you were doubling over in a convulsing laughter that you couldn’t breathe from. Between Sasha’s coughing, the silly arguments, and the non-stop jokes: the dinner table was always eventful, and your smile was always present.

But now, things had changed.

Ever since the catastrophe that occurred two weeks ago, you stopped attending dinner; and for once, the table was relatively silent.

With only one plate to tackle, Sasha didn’t eat as frantically as she used to. Because of that, Connie’s comments about her speed weren’t made anymore, and Jean didn’t have to play patrol officer and break up any more fights. There weren’t as many jokes for Eren to laugh at, or a noise problem that Mikasa could complain about.

For the first time, the dinner table was quiet, uncomfortably quiet.

Your seat remained vacant for the past two weeks, as did Reiner and Bertholdt’s; but no one needed to ask why, the reason for that was already blatantly clear.

It pained them all to sit at that table without you, to witness the way you isolated yourself, but they knew better than to confront you about it.

There was no point in discussing it, lest they wanted to rehash their grievances for the hundredth time.

So, Jean resorted to bringing your meals directly to you instead; that way you could still get the food you needed without having to interact with anyone before you were ready.

That in itself became a routine of its own: Jean would come to check on you in the early mornings when you’d skipped breakfast, bringing you something light to start your day with; and then at night he repeated the process.

And every single time he came to check up on you, your face wore the same grief-stricken expression as the day before.

Of course, he didn’t exactly expect you to be bursting with joy after what had happened; it was completely normal for you to be upset about it.

Reiner and Bertholdt were their friends after all; their comrades who they fought alongside for years. It was a stab to the heart to be betrayed by them, but, what’s worse is things didn’t stop there either. After the betrayal was the battle, the same battle that wiped out more than half of the military corps, including their trusted commander.

As if the betrayal itself wasn’t already agonizingly painful, the death toll that followed was more than enough reason to feel as dejected as you were right now. It was the bloodiest mission you’d ever encountered before, and the aftermath was beyond heartbreaking, especially since the enemy still managed to escape in the end.

Jean understood why you were isolating yourself; others did too for a little while. And though he wanted to, the reason he never pushed you about rejoining the land of the living was because he knew you were hurting; and the last thing he wanted to do was make things worse for you.

But as his eyes narrowed in on that plate of wasted food you promised him you’d eat, he realized he might’ve been too lenient on you.

You never ate a whole lot of what he would bring you, but you were still getting something, and that was enough for Jean.

Although now that you’d stopped eating altogether, that was officially his last straw.

“What’s the point in telling me you’ll eat later if you never do?” Jean suddenly spoke up, causing you to flinch slightly at the sudden noise.

His voice sounded stiff; almost as if he was frustrated at you. Your head tilted upward to examine the expression across his face, and sure enough, you realized your assumption was correct. His jaw was clenched together tightly, and his eyes stared you down with an irritated glare.

“Well?!” He asked once again, his tone increasing with annoyance as he awaited your response.

“I’m just not hungry right now.” You answered dismissively, as if he was foolish to even be asking such a thing. “I’ll eat when I wake up.” Your words were followed by a subtle roll of your eyes. Your hands then gripped the blanket lying next to you, petulantly yanking it over your shoulders as you plopped down onto your pillow. “Now, goodnight.”

You knew full well that you were acting a bit childish, especially when Jean was only trying to look out for you. But you were too fed up at this point to apologize for your stubbornness.

Every single time you saw anyone it was always the same “look who decided to join us” comment, or worse: a dozen or so questions that you didn’t feel like answering.

Most of them were the usual “how are you feeling?” or “do you want to talk about it?” However, there were always those irritating ones they just had to ask: the ones about Reiner.

As if you even had the mental strength to think about him in the first place, they were still expecting a full report on what you thought about his actions, or what you’d do now that he’s gone.

Their curiosity always seemed to far outweigh their regard for your feelings on the matter; that’s why you resorted to isolation. It quickly became too overwhelming to deal with the bombardment of questions they were ready to unload on you; so, you stayed away, refusing to give them the chance to do so in the first place.

But now Jean was doing the same thing: invading your barracks and asking those bothersome questions you didn’t feel like answering.

Maybe you were just emotional right now, and perhaps being a little too sensitive. Nevertheless, you just wanted him to leave; you just wanted to be left alone.

“Fine then.” You heard Jean scoff. “Just let me know if you need anything.”

You didn’t respond. Instead, you just closed your eyes, nuzzling your face into the blanket as you waited to hear the usual defeated sigh slip past his lips; along with the closing of your bedroom door that would follow soon after.

Just a few more seconds and he’d storm out; surrounding your ears with a jarring echo after he tumultuously slammed that wooden door behind him.

Any second now…

Just one more minute, and then you’d hear it; you were sure of it!

However, the seconds kept creeping by, and there was still no sound to indicate the opening of that door. Rather, an unexpected sound emerged from the silence instead.

You immediately turned around to see what the commotion was about, as well as to find out why he was even still here in the first place.

You didn’t exactly know what you expected to see when you glanced over your shoulder, but watching Jean pull the chair out from under your desk and take a seat was definitely not what you imagined.

“What are you doing??” You groaned in annoyance.

He obviously wasn’t getting the hint that you wanted him to leave, or perhaps he was and just refused to meet your demands.

“Oh? Did you need something?” He asked, as if this was normal, as if you were the one disrupting his peace.

“I thought you were leaving.”

“I never said that.” He leaned back in your chair, extending his legs across the floor; almost like he planned on staying a while.

You stared him down with a glare, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, his gaze was fixated out the window, admiring the moon’s captivating glow from the comfort of your dimly lit bedroom.

“Fine, stay then, I don’t care.” You snapped, laying back down with a dramatic huff; continuing your sulking.

Why was he being so difficult? You just weren’t in the mood to be around anyone? Couldn’t he understand that?

Granted, you hadn’t been in the mood to be social for the past two weeks now, but regardless, why couldn’t he just leave you be? That’s all you wanted.

“It’s not going to change anything you know?

“Huh??” You immediately turned back around, quite displeased at him.

If Jean was going to insist on staying, he could at least have the decency to remain silent so that you could sleep. Evidently, he didn’t agree with that notion.

“It’s not going to change anything.” He repeated.

“No, I heard what you said,” you groaned impatiently, not knowing how much more you could take of this. “But what are you talking about?!”

Jean’s voice was quiet but stern, his eyes soon looked over at you with a sympathetic gaze. “Isolating yourself, starving yourself, everything you’ve been doing for the past two weeks.” He paused momentarily, letting out a gentle sigh before speaking once more. “None of it’s going to bring him back, you know?”

Your eyes widened at Jean’s words, your breathing coming to a halt in your lungs. You immediately looked away from him, avoiding his gaze as you stared at the ceiling; trying to hold back those tears you could feel collecting in your eyes.

Jean was right.

None of your sulking or lack of eating would ever be enough to bring Reiner back; No amount of isolation could change the fact that he was gone.

Reiner had chosen to betray and abandon those who trusted him, those who loved him, and that was all there was to it.

He was clearly never coming back, and even if he did, things would never be the same between the two of you again; or anyone else for that matter.

There was nothing left to do except move on and accept the reality of your situation.

But even so, you still couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Despite the things he’d done, you still loved Reiner, and your heart still longed to be with him.

“I know.” You finally spoke up, “but I wish it would.” A gentle sigh jerked past your lips as you quickly turned back around to face the wall again, clearly not wanting to talk about the subject any longer.

Jean eyes lowered at your response, frustrated that you were shutting down once again; just like you’ve been doing for the past two weeks now.

He quickly slumped against the back of your chair with an enervated sigh, feeling like giving up on his efforts to pull you out of this darkness.

Jean had been trying his best to be gentle with you, to make sure you didn’t feel like he was pressuring you. He’d been patient with your stubbornness, he’d been calm and caring, but you didn’t seem to recognize any of that; all you were concerned about was the agony you allowed to cripple you from the inside, and it hurt to be a witness to it.

It hurt to see the way you were torturing yourself, pretending as if you deserved to be put through this pain. It was almost as if you were acting like this was your fault, like you had done something to deserve this.

But that wasn’t true; and Jean could see now that you’d forgotten that.

None of this was your fault, Reiner was the only one to blame here.

It was cruel of him to put you through this; to make you believe you weren’t good enough to make him stay, that you weren’t special enough to be loved by someone.

What kind of monster does that to a person; a person he loves especially?!

Jean couldn’t understand it, it angered him.

Did you truly believe you deserved to be abandoned? Left unloved?

Was Reiner the one who taught you to think that way? Jean’s blood was beginning to boil at just the thought of that.

It was all so frustrating, so heartbreaking. You weren’t the same person anymore, and Reiner was the cause of it.

Ever since his betrayal, Reiner had taken away a piece of you, the same one that used to laugh so loudly at the dinner table, the same one that contained your beautiful smile.

Your true self was withering away because of the crimes carried out by a man who promised to love you; but Jean refused to let it go without putting up a fight.

He wouldn’t stand by and watch the best part of you fall to pieces just because of some idiot who didn’t realize what he had before he threw it away.

You had to be saved from this, reminded that you didn’t need Reiner to be fulfilled, that you were already enough as you were.

You needed to remember all the good things in life that didn’t include Reiner, all the people that still cared deeply for you; people you seemed to forget about within the span of the past two weeks.

If you were ever going to be able to move on, ever going to heal from this: you needed to let Reiner go.

Jean sighed quietly as he stood up from the chair, attempting to try a different approach in hopes to get through to you.

He had tried everything he could think of without breaking any boundaries, but it got him nowhere. This was now officially his last resort, his final chance to rescue you from this darkness before it consumed you fully; leaving no trace left of the person you used to be.

If this didn’t work, then Jean could at least say he tried everything he possibly could; but hopefully, it doesn’t come to that.

Jean inhaled nervously to prepare himself before he slowly made his way over to your bed; placing a tender hand on your shoulder. “Y/n?” Jean spoke in a quiet voice, trying his best not to make you feel overwhelmed or anxious. “Can you please look at me?”

You didn’t move at first, you didn’t want to.

You were fully aware he was just trying to help, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to open up again without breaking down; and that was the last thing you needed right now.

“Y/n please.” Jean’s voice was desperate and pleading, his hand gently rubbing along your shoulder to, hopefully, coax you into giving in.

You let out a gentle sigh, tempted to just unload everything at once now that the offer was standing. It was hurting to keep everything inside like this; bottling it up and hiding it away as if it didn’t matter, as if you didn’t feel like screaming until your throat became dry and sore.

It was becoming too much to bear; the burden was too heavy to carry on your own anymore, and Jean had obviously noticed.

As usual, he could see right through you; penetrating through every wall you built to conceal your true feelings.

Maybe it was easier to stop fighting him, maybe, you really should just give in.

“I just want to know you’re okay.”

Jean’s voice was kind and sympathetic; the gentle caressing of his hand against your shoulder matching that tender tone he was currently using.

He sounded so desperate, so genuinely worried about you; something you couldn’t just ignore no matter how scared you were to open up again.

“Please…”

He pleaded, and by the tone of his voice you could tell this would be the last time; that this was your last chance to accept his offer of confiding in him before he would give up.

Despite your reservations to it, you knew you couldn’t refuse this time, lest you wanted to sign the contract to submit to your grief eternally.

If you were ever going to recover, ever going to restore that old version of yourself that you missed so much, then you’d have to grab ahold of this opportunity before it slipped away forever.

A gentle sigh rumbled in your throat before your body slowly turned to face Jean, watching the way he retracted his hand from your shoulder as you moved.

“I’m not okay.” You shook your head, eyes welling up with tears already. “And I don’t know how to be okay again.” You spoke with a shaken tone, feeling your lip quiver gently as you stared at him.

Barely ten seconds into speaking and you were already struggling to keep it together; feeling your heart clench in your chest at the recollection of all those bottled up thoughts now resurfacing.

Jean’s expression lowered at the sight of you, as if it was hurting him to watch this.

His body gently kneeled in front of your bed, aligning his eyes with yours as he reached to stroke your shoulder once more. “It’s okay, you don’t have to do this alone, no one expects you to.” He said reassuringly, staring at you with a sympathetic and tender gaze.

“I just-“ A sudden sob appeared at the back of your throat, choking the words you were trying to let escape. “I just don’t understand it. Why did he leave me?” You sniffled gently in between sentences. “Why didn’t he care about me?” A quiet sob slipped past your mouth, much to your dislike.

It was pathetic, embarrassing even; the way you were falling apart over this, not even lasting a good minute before turning into a crying mess.

Your eyes diverted away from Jean, cowering behind the blanket you were now burying your face into; hoping to muffle the sound of your sobs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, I just…” Your words came to a halt in your mouth as your emotions quickly took over; preventing you from getting a proper word out. “I’m sorry…” You repeated, clenching your eyes shut in humiliation.

You expected to hear a sigh of annoyance right about now, or perhaps even the shutting of the door. However, your body jolted in surprise when you felt the sudden warmth of a person hugging you gently instead.

Your head quickly lifted from the blanket and your eyes widened to see Jean’s face so close to yours; almost making you blush awkwardly at the proximity.

A comforting smile painted across Jean’s lips when he saw you look up at him. “Sorry if this is weird.” he chuckled nervously and quickly let go of the hug; backing away in case you felt uncomfortable. “You just looked like you needed that.”

Your expression softened as you looked at him, feeling a sense of gratitude filling your heart at the way he was attempting to comfort you; even if it was a little awkward at first. “No, it’s okay.” You quickly shook your head in response, granting him a gentle smile in return; one Jean hadn’t seen in two weeks.

Your body quickly sat up and leaned forward, reaching off the bed to where Jean was kneeling and wrapping your arms around him to continue the hug. “You’re right, I do need this.” You spoke in a soothing tone, letting him know you were okay with what he did a few seconds ago; and that it hadn’t pushed you away.

Jean let out a gentle sigh of relief at your actions, a little flabbergasted at how well you were responding to him. Here he was prepared to face your stubborn and dismissive attitude for the millionth time and yet he was faced with a completely unprecedented outcome.

There were no more spiteful comments or hurtful glares coming his way, just a gentle gaze and a pleasant embrace he never anticipated receiving after the state you were in merely seconds ago.

For the first time in two weeks, it seemed the Y/n he once knew, the Y/n he always secretly harbored feelings for, was finally showing herself again; even if just by the smallest amount.

Jean grinned gently to himself, and his arms quickly wrapped around your back to return the unexpected hug. “We’ve all been worried sick about you, ya know?” Jean spoke softly as he tightened his grip around you, allowing his hand to gently caress your back in the process.

“I know,” You uttered quietly, your voice sounding less unhinged and imbalanced as it was before. “And I’m sorry.”

You sniffled gently, your eyes clenching shut and your arms tightening around Jean’s neck as you leaned against him; wanting to stay in his comforting embrace.

Jean chuckled as he felt the way you clung to him; realizing just how desperate your need for reassurance was. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.” He said as he leaned the side of his head against yours, continuing the subtle tracing of his fingers along your back. “Just please don’t do that again, okay?”

You nodded quickly, feeling the sting of tears pricking against your eyes once more. “I won’t, I promise, I’m really sorry.” You apologized again in an uneasy tone, feeling shameful of the way you’d been acting for the past two weeks.

This whole time Jean had been here trying to help you, but you’d just been too consumed in your own misery that you failed to notice the damage you were causing; the pain you were putting him, as well as everyone else, through by isolating yourself like this.

You’d been rude, selfish even; too hyper fixated on your own agony that you’d become blind to the impairment you were projecting onto everyone else.

You’d hoped it wasn’t too late to turn things around and make amends with the people you’d been neglecting for the past two weeks; and a part of you started to grow fearful that you’d missed your chance by now.

However, by the way Jean held you close and leaned his head tenderly against yours, it was obvious that wasn’t the case.

Part one | Part two | Masterlist | Blog Home | Aot Masterlist

(I’M LEGIT TURNING THIS INTO A ACTUAL SERIES NOW, OOPSIES) More parts to come soon! :)))

Taglist: @thebadbatch @nervouslad @ah-finally @usagikookiejams @setangel @unwindwithme @milkysuck @realglittereater @cyberdollface @glactict3a @elachapelle1357 @bucky-lents @diavoloslove @be-lla-vie @maaralo @buckysgirl01 @venomfantasies @desiiisstuff @novahaitani @jadasz @viiiik

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wangxianficfinder · 2 months

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In the mood for...

Feb 20th

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1. Hello, when you do the next itmf could you please rec some fics that shows wangxian’s relationship progressing? And I don’t mean like friends to lovers or rivals to lovers or whatever, I mean like the actual relationship. Like them both at the start being all shy and giving each other gifts and learning what the other likes and dislikes, and then slowly gaining confidence in their relationship (in the physical aspect but also in the emotional aspect)

Thank you !!!

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 762k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) it’s not focused on the relationship but it’s a good part of it and they get together in the second chapter and it’s SUCH A GREAT STORY

💖🔒love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriages)

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not adopted by Jiangs, developing friendships, miscommunication, misunderstangings, nightmares, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, WWX’s fear of dogs, slow burn, cultivation world bureaucracy)

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2. itmf fics that people refer wwx as lan er furan but it's m/m fics. thank uuuu.

Baby, You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by TriviasFolly (E, 132k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Omega LSZ, Mafia, Crime, Sects are Clans, Feral WWX, Feral Omegas, Nurse WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Possessive LWJ, feminine WWX, wwx's cannon desire to be a sugar baby/trophy wife, Breeding Kink, Mpreg) Technically it's "mxy" being called Lan furen (bc wwx is hiding out as mxy) and it doesn't happen until a little later in the fic but it does show him trying to learn the furen duties and things

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3. any unrequited fics from lwj's side? not really unrequited more than works, but i just wanna see the pining.

temporarily unrequited.

not actually unrequited.

the tag search on aot doesn't really have a lot from lwj's side and even if it does, it's very minimum so i'm looking for some which are slightest bit heavy on the angst.

like lwj resigning to being his friend/enemy/stranger so he doesn't force his feels. just angst, possibly with a happy ending but also works if it isn't.

thank you so much!

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending) I'm not sure if this is what they want but When the Words Stop Coming has LWJ reject WWX at first, then when he comes back, WWX rejects LWJ (kindly, but there's still a lot of angst). Happy ending tho

For a Good Time, Call by ScarlettStorm (E, 170k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Pining, Porn, like in the writing and also as a plot point, onlyfans au, repressed LWJ, sex worker WWX, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Background ChengQing, background NieLan, background XuanLi, Nonbinary NHS)

you've ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132k, WangXian, Modern AU, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Awkward Flirting, teenage romance, Shameless WWX) are both good modern AUs from LWJ’s perspective where he PINES for a good portion of the story until they work things out!

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4. hi!! thanks for everything u do here!!! for the next itmf: canon divergence fics where wangxian get together early (eg, during the cloud recesses lectures, before/during the war or anytime before wwx's death) but wwx still dies (and gets resurrected) like in canon. arranged marriage, a/b/o, mpreg, all/any settings are fine!!

🧡 Like Rabbits by Setari (T, 41k, Kid fic, Canon rewrite, Mpreg, Miscarriage scare, Crack treated seriously, Hopeful ending)

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5. thank you for all your hard work! any modern setting fic recs where wwx has a modern setting equivalent of the golden core transfer for jc? can be an organ donation, can be him being a scapegoat for smth jc did, can also be a golden core transfer still as long as it's in a modern cultivation setting, etc. thank you in advance :)

🧡🔒 Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 160k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP) I am absolutely feral about this one and cannot recommend it enough!

💙 the soft animal of your body by sysrae (T, 15k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, modern culitvation, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Animal Transformation, Shapeshifting, Sort Of, Getting Together, Confessions)

❤️ All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 52k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation, sugar daddy, kink negotiation, gentle dom LWJ)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending)

❤️ the best of you by sysrae (E, 41k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, slightly undernegotiated kink, but in a very soft and consensual way, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JFM and Madam Yu's A+ parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Mental Health Issues therapy is good actually, the most tender of railings, Reference to animal attacks/animal cruelty, descriptions of past violence)

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6. Hi thanks for all the work that you guys do !! I was just in the mood for fics where the juniors get to meet YLLZ!wwx !! I saw a fanart on twitter and since then I’ve had a massive craving for this :) thanks so much again !!

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

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7. hi! do you guys have any fics to rec where jiang cheng is the one who finds a-yuan and raises him? i don’t mind if lwj is there tbh but i really wanted to read a-yuan growing up in lotus pier. thank u! no jiang cheng/lan wangji shipping please! i’ll take them as friends, co-parents even qpps but no romantic relationship between them if possible @thwispsings

The Accidental Baby Acquisition Club by nerdzeword (T, 26k, jiang cheng & lan wangji, wangxian, Found Family, as in they find kids, and then they're family, JC and LWJ as reluctant best friends, coparenting with your brother in law, a surplus of bunnies, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Autistic Character, Nonbinary Character, Fluff)

none lives forever, brother, and nothing lasts for long by eena (M, 38k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LSZ raised at Lotus Pier, JC found him first, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation)

So Reluctant To Part by quietellen (Sociofemme) (G, 49k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, accidental resurrection, JC raises LSZ, Golden Core Reveal, Grief/Mourning, Injury, Recovery, WQ Lives, JYL Lives, NMJ Lives, XY Dies, JGY doesn't marry QS, Enemies to co-parents)

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8. hi! ITMF fics focusing on the Twin Jades of Lan? I just read “Turn Left” by kianspo and loved the focus on the brothers. Bonus points if Wangji and Xichen are described as actually looking like twins, but it isn’t necessary! Thank you!

and he sang about the stars by nenyanaryavilya (M, 29k, LXC & LWJ, WangXian, Brotherhood, Growing Up Together, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Canonical Character Death)

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9. If there is any fix where wwx was harrassed by jin guanghan and then his family preferably lwj goes all feral @itzweiwuxian

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10. Hello! Thanks for your work! I am in the mood for fics exploring LWJ PTSD from the Sunshot War.

I was reading “Take My Breath Away” by MajiLovePrincess (E) and it’s briefly mentioned he gets startled by fireworks, and the concept fascinates me!

Thanks for you help!

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11. I'm itmf a good railing. Any new fics out with top LWJ and bottom wwx?

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12. Hiii, I’m looking for fics that are Jiāng Yànlí critical but don’t have the tag “Jiang Yanli bashing”

I reread the “A Matter of Time” series and I just need it lol. @kyuubikuroba

🔒The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 46k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Time Travel Fix-It, JC, Bashing Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Bashing Jiāng Family Bashing, YZY Bashing, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, Wooing, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, frankencanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad)

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13. hiii! i'm itmf some wangxian get-together during cr era? idk if that's too broad but idm if it's a oneshot or multichap. i just want wangxian realising their feelings much much earlier lol

Just Say Yes Series by edenwolfie (T/M, 338k, WangXian, Matchmaking, Pining, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Fluff, First Kiss, Declarations Of Love, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Good Uncle LQR, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It)

💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons by starandrea (G, 2k, WangXian, Accidental Marriage)

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14. Hi there! I am looking for fics where Wei Ying gets discouraged from pursuing Lan Zhan because he is not showing any reciprocation. I absolutely need there to be a happy ending because as much as I want to be in my feels for my Wangxian I don't want my soul crushed. Thank you! @professional-fangirl75

🔒a flower beyond the edge of the clouds by RoseThorne (T, 531, WangXian, Soulmates, Character Death, Red String of Fate, Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Misunderstandings, Angst, Rejection, Loss, 16 years of mourning, Regret, POV Third Person, POV LWJ)

Honesty is the Best Policy (Except if You're an Asshole) by piecrust (E, 22k, WangXian, Porn with feelings, College/University)

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15. Hello! In the mood for fics where Wei Wuxian takes back his core from Jiang Cheng? Preferably in a big dramatic scene that reveals he gave it away in the first place? Thank you~!

Return to Sender by Thesaurus_with_no_words (M, 72k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Temporary Amnesia, Slow burn) there might not be dramatic scenes but here are some fics where JC loses WY's core

🔒 Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, wangxian, major character death, time travel fix-it, dark LWJ, dark LXC, dark gusu lan, temporary character death, not JC friendly, angst, hurt/comfort, WIP)

Having Enough (of your foolishness) by makexianxianhappytoday (T, 18k, wangxian, Hurt WWX, YLLZ WWX, BAMF WWX, Wangxian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Canon Divergence, CSSR and WCZ Live, Not Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Friendly, JYL Lives, JZX Lives, (but what are the consequences), not JC friendly, Not Cultivation World Friendly)

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Canon Divergence)

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16. Hello! For the I’m in the Mood for a Fic, I recently read "say it's here where our pieces fall in place" by Lirelyn, where one chapter had an awesome poem quote. What other fics have poetry? They could be quoted in the beginning of the story, in the middle. I'm looking for anything, canon, modern, etc. I once read a fic that had a poem that gave the impression of a leaf that is uncurled to resemble a fist, but I don't remember what it was. @ihavetothinkofaname

❤️ Where the nightingales are singing, and a white moon beams. by Moominmammashandbag (M, 52k, wangixan, jin zixuan & lan wangji, no powers au, grief/mourning, aftermath of war, angst w/ happy ending, reunions, fluff & smut)

Chapter 5 of The Wild Geese's Tomb by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (T, 66k, wangxian, LXC/JGY, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, all women live no women die)

Gentle Exile by rynleaf (E, 9k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, References to Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Character Study, Epistolary, Post-Canon, Exploration, [PODFIC] Gentle Exile by flamingwell, semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

To Love What Is Mortal by treemaidengeek (T, 22k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Grief/Mourning, Fluff and Angst, Healing, past 3Zun, past SongXiao, background WangXian, background SL & WN, & LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, [Podfic] To Love What Is Mortal by flamingwell)

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17. Hi! I have a request for the next ITMF- I'd love to see LWJ as plant parent! "Lavender Blue" from Anaphoricae and "in the blossom season (in the pouring rain)" from Varnes are a few of my favourites. Completed modern AUs, or Modern with magic are preferred, but I'll check out anything. Thank you for the work you do :D

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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