#my family was meant to visit me next week but I’ll still be contagious so don’t think that’s gonna happen

[sableeira]

catching covid after my 3 year no-covid streak feels kinda bad ngl

#I thought it was some type of flu for the past few days but nope #tbf I’ve been sick three other times these past three years and one time was sus as hell but I’ll never know what that was all about… #yeah not catching covid felt like a Highscore streak. yeah I do think about everything in my life in terms of gamification u_u #when the new chapter released I was like: oh there is so much going on maybe I’ll manage to be more active again and then I was just out #it’s a bit better now at least but I’m also finally catching on that it has the worst timing #my family was meant to visit me next week but I’ll still be contagious so don’t think that’s gonna happen #also in 5 1/2 weeks I’ll need to finish a substantial part of my bachelor project… #things are happening but I had a horrible creative slump right before falling sick so that kinda sucks #at least my vis dev part of the project is mostly over now so maybe I’ll get back to some casual fanart again soon… I miss it :( #when I was younger everytime I got sick I just started grinding out fanart. dunno where that energy went because now I can’t even move #my pinky when I’m sick #sina’s rambling

[pascalscenarios]

HOW TO LOVE (Marcus Pike x Reader

HOW TO LOVE

Marcus Pike x Reader  

Summary: To say thank you for helping you out last night, you take Marcus out for Lunch

Warning: None

Words: 2016

Author's Note: Hello! It’s been a hot minute! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I’ve kinda been all over the place for the last two weeks. I finally had time to actually write! I’ll try my best to go back to posting on Saturdays/Sunday like I was. 

My Whiskey fic Common Ground, will be coming up soon pretty soon. Sorry for the wait! 

Hope you all are doing well! Enjoy! ( this chapters sorta boring sorry :( )

- K

CH 1| CH 2 | CH 3

Chapter 3

You sat at the information desk as you watched Marcus from across the lobby. The Art crime team came in early this morning. You were observing him, taking notice of how he interacts with others. He was talking to another agent. His hands were on his hips laughing about something. You wanted to say thank you again for last night, but you didn’t feel like bothering him.

You must have been staring for a while because the other agent took notice. They said something making Marcus look over his shoulder, locking eyes with you.

You were caught, but you tried to play it off as best you could. You quickly make yourself look busy, picking up a pen and writing random things down on a blank piece of paper.

Your eyes slowly glaze up seeing Marcus say something to the agent and walk towards your way. You continued writing on the paper making a fake to-do list, writing whatever popped into your mind.

“Hey” he smiled standing in front of the desk.

“Hi”

“How’s your day been for far?”

“Uh...busy!” you say, not daring to look up at him, embarrassed that he saw you staring at him. You didn’t know why you were still trying to pretend, you were caught.

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure I saw you staring at me.” he joked at you, smiling.

You felt your cheeks burn. There was no doubt you were turning red.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare...”

He chuckled. “It’s alright”

“It’s just...I.. uh...I wanted to say thank you again… you know for last night” you finally look at him, fiddling with your pen.

“Yeah, it was no problem. Did you make it home okay?”

“ I did, thanks to you.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“How about you? You made it home alright?”

“Yeah, just fine...If something like that happens again, just let me know...actually-” He leans in close, grabbing the yellow sticky note from off your desk, and takes the pen that you were holding from your hands.

“Here” He quickly scribbles something down, peeling it off and handing it with the pen back to you.

You take it as he places the sticky note pad back on your desk.

You look down at what he wrote.

Marcus: 202-555-4275

He gave you his number.

“My cell phone number in case you need anything...Is that okay?” He was hoping he wasn’t overstepping.

“Yeah, thank you” you smiled.

“Alright, well I just wanted to tell you hello real quick. I’ll see you around.” With that, he smiles and makes his way towards the elevators.

Without thinking you called out his name “Marcus!”

He turns around looking at you. “Yeah?”

“Do you wanna maybe get lunch later today? My treat. It’s the least I could do since you helped me out last night.” you offered. You felt bad for the way you treated him and then he was willing to help you. You wanted to return the kind gesture.

He smiled brightly at you.

“Sure, I’ll swing by your desk at 12?”

“Yeah” “Okay, I’ll see you then!” With that, he heads on his way.

“Lunch date with Marcus Pike?” Laurie chimes in, sitting in her seat next to yours and we both watch him wait for the elevators.

You spin your chair back facing towards, Laurie following. You take the sticky note, folding it up, and stuffing it in your pants pocket. “It’s not a lunch date...more of a thank-you lunch. I got caught up in the rain last night and my car got towed while I was printing the packets out.”

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I should have gotten those packets printed out earlier-”

“No! It’s not your fault. Everything worked out fine actually. Marcus was still around. He gave me a ride and helped me get my car back from the impound...It was really sweet honestly.”

“See he’s not so bad after all. Give him a chance dear, get to know him.”

Although you were still a little wary of him, part of you was curious to learn more about Marcus.

…

It was noon. Marcus should be coming around soon. You were working on brainstorming ideas

“You ready?” Marcus

“Sorry, just give a few minutes.”

“No worries take your time.” He says he patiently waits for you.

You head over to the office grabbing your wallet and phone from your bag. You walked back out into the desk area placing the lunch break sign out, then walking over to the short desk door, letting yourself out.

“Where do you want to go?”

“I know this good cafe that’s not far from here, it's down a block. Not too far, we can walk.”

“Okay.”

You two head over to the exit, Marcus opening the door for you. “Thanks”

He gives you a smile as you exit, following behind you. You both made your way down the steps and onto the sidewalk. Today was a nice day. It was sunny, a blue sky with patches of clouds, and a soft wind blew.

“So” Marcus begins to say.

“How are you liking D.C. so far?” he stuffs his hands in his pocket as he walks beside you.

“It’s great. I’m from Virginia actually. My family used to drive up to D.C. all the time when I was a kid.” You smile thinking about the fond memories you have.

“Ah, so you’re used to all the hustle and bustle around here…” He chuckles.

“Sorta, It's different living here than visiting. I’m from a small town so the rush 27/7 is something I need to get used to.”

“I know what you mean, I’m originally from Texas. I worked at the FBI headquarters in Austin. I’m used to the rush but D.C. is a whole different type of face pace”

“Texas? You’re pretty far from home. How come you’re out here on the east coast?” you asked.

“In Austin, I was working on local art crime cases. I got offered a promotion to run a task force here in D.C. dealing with international art crime.”

“Wow, that's great.”

“Thanks”

“How long have you lived here?”

“Couple years now.”

“Do you miss home?”

“Yeah, I do, some aspects of it, like my friends and family. I try to visit when I can, if not then phone calls and facetime are the next best thing.” He stayed silent for a few moments. “Do you miss home?” “Not really, other than my parents. I’m glad I got out of my hometown honestly. It’s like a breath of breath air.” you sighed in relief.

“Yeah, I’m kinda glad I got out of Austin. I had a fiance back home. We were supposed to start a life out here, but she ended up leaving me for another man.”

Maybe this was what Elliot meant when he said you might have something in common with Marcus… ex issues. You felt terrible that Marcus' fiance left him for another man. It reminded you of the countless times your ex cheated on you. You knew the feeling. The feeling of hurt and betrayal.

“Marcus, I’m so sorry-”

“It’s alright. It was a while ago. I’ve moved past it.” He shrugged.

“I know, but still that must have hurt.” You say sadly.

“It did, but what happened, happened. Life moves forwards. The person you’re meant to be with will come along eventually.”

Marcus was so optimistic and helpful when it came to love, unlike you. You on the other hand were fearful and scared of it.

“Here we are.”

He says stopping in front of an old brick building. You look up reading the sign outside.

Martells’

“It’s a family-owned cafe and has been here for years. They got the best sandwiches in D.C.”

…

You were slowly warming up to Marcus, starting to grow comfortable in his presence. You two sat at a table for the past hour eating lunch and talking about random things. He asked you questions about yourself. He was genuinely interested and cared about getting to know you, your hobbies, and your passions. It was strange for you, but it felt nice to be heard and even seen in a sense. Your ex never cared or seemed interested when it came to things you were interested in or liked.

Marcus told a story about his first case as an agent. He couldn’t help but laugh at his own story, poking fun of himself. A huge smile was smeared on his face, his eyes squinting as he laughed. You liked his laugh. It was that contagious.

“Oh no!” You gasped, laughing.

“They never let me hear the end of it. To this day, they still talk about it down in Austin. My old coworkers still give me shit for it when I talk to them.” He shakes his head.

“How did you even bounce back from that?”

“You didn’t…You wait until someone makes a bigger mistake, but mine was top tier. I don’t think anyone could outdo what I did, but I managed to figure out cases which took most of the attention away” He picks up his soda, taking a sip.

His phone began to ring. He pulls it out of his pocket looking at the caller ID.

“Sorry I gotta take this”

“No, of course”

“Hello?” he answers the call. “Yeah...Mhm...Shit. Okay, I’ll be there in a few.” He hands up, stuffing the phone back in his pocket.

“I’m sorry, something came up, I have to go to the FBI building.”

“I understand. I should be going back anyway.” You looked down at your watch. You lost track of time. You went over your lunch break.

The two of you stand up, throwing your trash away and exiting the cafe.

“Alright, I guess I’ll see you,” You tell Marcus.

“I’m not going anywhere yet.”

You furrow your eyebrows at him, “But you have to go??? Aren't you gonna take a cab or is someone gonna pick you up”

“Yeah I gotta go, but I’m walking you back”

“Marcus, you seriously don’t need to” You were fine walking back on your own.

“No, I’m walking with you back” He insisted.

“But-” you tried to protest.

He cuts you off “-No buts, come on”

You gave up trying to argue about it and you let him walk back with him. When you reach the museum steps you both stop.

“Thank you for lunch.”

“You’re welcome. Martells was great. You weren’t kidding when you said the sandwiches were good.”

“I told you...I had a great time. Maybe we could do lunch again some other time?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Great...I’ll see you later. I hope you have a good rest of your day.”

“You too, Marcus”

You lightly wave. You make your way up the steps to the top. You look over your shoulder, seeing that Marcus was still standing. Once he sees that he reaches the top, he walks away down the sidewalk back in the direction you guys came from.

You open the entrance door walking through the lobby to the information desk. You see Elliot at the desk talking to Laurie.

“Well look you came back from her overextended lunch..” Elliot teases.

“I’m so sorry, I lost track of time-” You say as you make your way to your chair.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize, especially if you were on a date with Marcus Pike!”

“How’d it go?’ Laurie asked.

“First off, It wasn't a date, it was a thank-you lunch” you addressed Elliot, “second, it was fine,” you tell Laurie.

“Fine? Just fine?” Elliot gives you a look.

“Yeah…”

“That’s it?” Elliot was expecting more.

“What do you want me to say, Elliot?”

“More than just that it was fine!”

“Elliot, Marcus, and I hardly know each other. All we did was talk. That was it.” You rolled your eyes.

“What do you think about him?” Laurie asked.

“He’s...different.”

“Different bad or Different good?” Elliot raised an eyebrow at you curious as to what your response will be.

“Good...Different good.” a smile slowly crept on your face. 

TAG // @alberta-sunrise​ @spacenerdpascal​ @ryleyrooroo​ @reader-s-cantina

MT // @wifeofdindjarin @icanbeyourjedi​ @sara-alonso​ @greeneyedblondie44

#the mentalist #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike #Marcus #Pedro Pascal #pedro

[abizarreyodelingincident]

Linked Universe: Regrets

“Although I accepted life as the hero, I could not convey the lessons of that life to those who came after... At last, I have eased my regrets.”

Twilight had never forgotten those words. He had carried them with pride. Used them when his hands faltered. Remembered the strength that had been taught to him. Swords without courage meant nothing. With the lessons of the Hero's Shade, Twilight struck down Hyrule's greatest enemy for good.

(He thought. But there would be another after him, long after, but one nonetheless, and he would suffer greatly from the shadow of Hyrule's first enemy.)

Nowadays, it's a white lie that haunts his nights.

“Link... I... See you later.”

He's learned when things aren't meant to be. And he loves his fellow heroes. Wouldn't trade them for peaceful days wandering his Hyrule. He loves them. Like brothers. Like another father. But he knows it can't last. Whenever there is a meeting, a parting is sure to follow. And theirs... through time and space... there will be no reunion after they've completed this quest.

He should shield his heart better, but they slip past too easily for that. One day, they'll go their separate way. He can't change that. Still, any time he looks at the old man, his heart squeeze and he just wants to help. To save him. He can't.

Is it like that for anyone else? Does Hyrule hide something like this from Legend behind all his sweet smiles and his eagerness to learn? Does he also think of a nameless grave by a tree? Maybe a grand mausoleum, because it's Legend, and he's earned at least this much, to hear him speak of his many trials?

He smirks to himself at the idea, but it slips soon enough.

Four? No one's quite sure where he fits in the timeline, but the best guess is 'early'. Wind? No, he's said the legends exist, but the hero never showed. Warriors thinks it's the timelines diverging when Time returned to his youth to prevent Ganon's rise. He's another odd one out. Knowing a bit of everything and everyone's legacy. Does Warriors know how it'll end for me?Wild certainly doesn't.

The truth is Twilight knows that Time will never be fully content despite Malon, despite a future as a father, and he hates the fact that he cannot save his mentor. Cannot prevent that regret from taking root in him. He's only ever known that he hated leaving his Hyrule defenseless, with no one to learn from the hardships he was shoved into as a child.

Twilight hates it so much. Sometimes, Zant's pendant pulsed with the dark emotions that want to choke him up. He almost wonders if there isn't something right in the ranting of the old usurpers. The Goddesses were so many things, but kind?

It's hard to remember their blessings when the people you love most see their fate as cursed. When Hyrule is doomed without that pain.

“Green rupee for your thoughts?” Warriors ask, watching the sun set over the horizon.

“I know I'm country folk, but we ain't that cheap, Captain,” Twilight drawls.

Warriors shrugs, then pulls his sword out to run a whetstone over its edge. “Well, I'm broke. My queen and I hadn't thought it'd stretch out over this long.”

The thought sobers Twilight, who is decidedly not looking dusk painting the sky like a bonfire. “Miss her?” he says, quieter than usual.

Warriors' glance is a bit sharper than warranted, but he makes no comment about it. “Certainly,” he replies easily. “She was one of the few... mhmm, wait, did I never tell you about my situation back in my era?”

He sees the non-sequitur and accepts it with a sigh of relief. Sitting down by the same tree, he settles just close enough for them to touch shoulders. “No, but I sense this is a long story.”

“It's the perfect length, thank you,” Warriors haughtily counters. “So, it all begins roughly ten years ago-”

Twilight snorts, and pushes his brother roughly. Warriors is agile enough he slips back into place without dropping the sword or the stone, radiating smug triumph.

In the end, he joins Warriors on first watch just to distract himself from his thoughts.

***

Lon Lon Ranch is one of his favorite place to visit. Stepping inside feels like being served a slice of Ordon on a platter. It's a piece of home, without the awkwardness that comes from the odd looks here and there. Unspoken questions about every little way he's changed.

Twilight shakes his head. What's he doing? Somewhat forcefully, he pulls back the sleeves of his tunic and spits in his hands. He's got some work to do, and it's not Legend (who is egging Warriors more than he's shoveling) or Wind (who is having the time of his life learning how to ride with Time's Epona) that'll finish the chores for him.

“Here, sweetheart.” Malon holds out a waterskin to him and a towel. “Don't forget to rest and drink every once in a while. With this sun, it's not healthy to neglect it.”

He accepts gratefully, swallowing a mouthful of cool water first. “I will, Ma'am.”

“Oh, hush with that. It's Malon for family,” she corrects him easily, and he ducks his head, pleased. “And I'll be watching you, sweetheart. The Goddesses know my Link's not one to recognize his limits.”

Time straightens and leans against the handle of his spade. “Now, now, honey, you know I'm a reasonable man.”

“Did I tell you about the time my clever husband decided to renovate the ba-!”

Malon lets out a fake shriek when Time grabs her with his dirt-covered hands. Pretends to fight back. She's not fooling him or her husband. They've both witnessed her handling the cattle. It's not from Time's side of the family that Twilight inherited the strength.

(They're the type of couple that teases each other constantly. He wonders what it would have been like if Midna...)

There's something a little different about Malon today. Something under her skin. Like she was holding on to a secret with both hands and it's threatening to explode the whole time. He wouldn't call her nervous. Excited, though? Yes.

He finds out at dinner.

They've just finished another two course meal courtesy of Malon and Wild when she pulls her husband aside during dessert. It gets a glance or two, but the conversation keeps going on the topic of stupidest things they've ever done. Since it's Wild's turn though, Twilight can still focus on the married couple by the sink.

(It's a sad day when he can name more for Wild than Wild remembers. They've got diverging definitions of what constitutes a 'stupid' thing. He will forever argue against the monster masks, especially the lynel one.)

“I was waiting for a chance to tell you in person. I saw a wisewoman last week.”

“What for...?” Time asks, and he sounds a little anxious for once, hands hovering closer to his wife.

Coy, Malon bites her lips and glances at Twilight. Time has to turn to see where, exactly, she's looking, and his breath hitches when he realizes. His mouth twitch as he grabs both her hands, focused on her with such intensity she giggles.

“You mean...?”

She breaks into a grin, nods and whispers-yells: “Yes! We're going to be parents, Link.”

The kiss he lands on her lips is indecent enough to attract whistles from some of the others, who seem to be clueing in to the excitement in the room. When those two come apart, a pleasant blush colors their cheeks, and he tells her, over and over that he loves her. When he's had his fill, he whirls around to face them and their cheering.

“Boys!” Time calls out, exuberant, absolutely unguarded. “Boys! I'm going to be a father!”

The roof, improbably, resists the eruption of screams. Time's pure joy is contagious and it's the best news they've got since starting this quest. Congratulations rain on the happy couple.

“Someone's going to have competition, huh?” Legend nudges Twilight's ribs, wagging eyebrows.

Normally, Twilight would be flattered that his bond with Time is that obvious. Normally, he'd grab Legend and give him a noogie for his insolence. Make him cry 'uncle'. The classic big brother behavior he's used to. But he barely hears the words as it is, his mind bogged down by a sudden realization.

He stalls.

He's a second delayed in joining in the congratulations, behind Sky and Hyrule who are a little less physical in their affections. They've formed a circle around their leader and his wife, offering their best wishes, joking, patting Time on the back, kissing Malon's cheeks.

And then it's his turn.

Twilight remembers to breath. Offers his hand first.

“Oh, come here, you!” she swats away his hand and forces him into a hug that's warm, soft.

“You'll make a wonderful mother, Malon.”

Her expression shifts slightly, more of a knowing smirk, and he can see her laughter in her eyes. 'Oh, now you tell me.'

It's impossible for him not to smile back.

And below that elation, the flare of hope in his guts, is a heart stopping dread.

***

The next few battles are some of the worst Twilight had to struggle through. The enemies' number swell. Their ambushes turn elaborate with unheard of combinations of monsters that never coexisted naturally. The puppeteer behind them has tightened the strings, and Twilight has trouble keeping his head above water when every second he looks away, he fears his mentor (father) will die.

It's sheer experience and a heaping dose of help from his companions that ensure he's not dead. And even then...

“There, good as new,” Hyrule proclaims, slapping Twilight's bicep for good measure. “Now how about you don't pull a Wild and drop your weapon next time? We're counting on you to teach him caution, not the opposite.”

“Heard you, 'Rule!” Wild protests from where he's helping Four hobble back to them.

“Great, because we all saw that thing with the peahat.”

“It was the only way!”

And here goes the bickering, Twilight huffs. Wild and Hyrule get along like a house on fire, which means that it's warm and toasty for a while until everything collapse into ashes for a bit. Then they rebuild it better and stronger than before with perfect coordination. It's impressive, honestly, how they both push in the same direction without a second thought.

At least this doesn't look like he'll need to turn into a wolf to fetch them in a forest on the other side of a mountain like last time (he's still bitter about it, a mountain?).

“Pup,” Time's voice jolts him back into awareness. His mentor's standing right behind him. “Come with me for a minute?”

For a second, he hesitates. He likes to imagine a thousand explanations for it, but he already knows the one. Sky shot him the odd look during the fight. Saw him sloppier than usual. And Time keeps an even closer look on all of them.

The clearing is just far enough to be away from prying eyes, though not far enough they can't hear the others if they pay attention. Both sides could hear and rush at the first sign of trouble. It's a good place for a talk.

“Twilight,” Time begins, voice brimming with concern, “what's wrong?”

“It's...”

Silence lingers between them, with all the things Twilight can't say.

“Does it have anything to do about Malon's pregnancy?” Time asks, and Twilight cringes. “Ah. I figured as much. Are you bothered?”

Twilight fights the flashback to one of those evenings Rusl took him aside for a fatherly talk. He feels about as small as he did back then too. “No, of course not! It's... before, when I met Malon and saw you two didn't have kids, I realized you were safe. Every one of us is risking his life on this quest, but I could hold onto the idea that you'd live through, that it was impossible that you didn't because I'm here.”

“Were you not worried for my safety before this, Pup?” Time teases, a full on smirk on his face.

Twilight's face burns. “I, no, that's not it at all! It's just... Goddesses, I'm being silly.”

The hand that rests on his shoulder feels solid. Grounding. Like Time means to give him back some of that certainty through sheer force of will.

Twilight's relieved that it works on him.

“Pup, I promise I have no intention of dying and leaving Malon to raise our little hellion all on her own. I wouldn't do that to her.”

“Oh, right, the poor gal,” Twilight hears himself reply.

Time blinks. Then hooks his arm around Twilight's neck, an unholy glint in his good eye. “A youngster like you's too ignorant to mock your elders like this. But I suppose I should teach you.”

***

Time's few additions to the prank war ongoing inside their camps gives Twilight chills.

But he joins in the laughs with the rest of them.

And he almost forgets.

***

They have a lead on the object of their quest.

A location they must investigate. No guarantee, but reports seem promising.

It's hard not to get swept right in by his brothers' enthusiasms. He's found more family through this quest than he had ever hoped to get, but it's also been a mess of ambushes, lost directions and insufferable assholes (some of which, he loves because they're his pack, his siblings, his dad).

“I'll cut the fucker's balls right off!” Wind cheers, which gets nods from Legend and Wild, and winces from Sky and Warriors.

Twilight is more in the 'rip their throat out' camp, but he's also got a unique perspective on how to get personal with killing off your enemies.

(If their quest is to end, he will stand between any number of enemies so that his family returns home safe.)

***

The Temple of Souls.

A place of power, of memories. Deeds commemorated here. Statues of the various chosen heroes during their adventures. Honored and immortalized in stone.

Twilight hesitates before the one statue of a beast, and the imp riding its back. It's a testament to how much the other heroes helped him heal that he mostly feels nostalgia looking at his past. The pain, muted by Wild's enthusiasm or Four's more solemn amusement.

They search through the history of the Hero's Spirit together, with Warriors leading them. Their captain's light-hearted jester attitude's been replaced by his battlefield look. A strategist and a soldier, at the head of a battalion of legends. And yet, there's a tightness to his expression. Twilight gets why and he makes sure to stay close. The sorceress had been reformed, so this world's Zelda said. But the fear's longer lasting.

Time lingers near the statue of the Hero of Time. So do the others, with Warriors deciding to keep watch, since they clearly couldn't deal with the idea of Time having once been a child.

A little kid. Probably not even as tall as Colin or Talo. Twilight tries to imagine letting these two go on a quest to save Hyrule and his mind buckles in protest at the knowledge of what kind of monstrosities can crawl up from the darkest corners of Hyrule. Imagines them in the Arbiter's Ground, and he feels acute pain in his left hand, where he is gripping his sword's hilt so hard his knuckles turn white.

Hylia stole Time's childhood, but Twilight won't let her take his future.

***

They found the enemy.

It found them in return. Hyrule is the first to realize, and it's their wanderer's words that ring in their heads during the worst battle of their lives.

'Impaled by a shadow in my likeness. Everything I gave, he returned right back.'

Dark Link. The other side of the coin. The shadow of the Hero's Spirit, grown with each incarnation.

It is not an opponent for any one hero to take on anymore. Dark Link is the sum of every dark turns their minds have ever taken, every moment of fear, despair, anger. Every dirty trick. Every method of handling a sword. It reflects all nine of them, in turn and at once.

And it means that each one of them know a piece of Dark Link as intimately as the back of their hands.

The battle does not end quickly.

While most encounters with monsters last minutes at most and encounters with bosses sometimes stretch twice or thrice that, this battle goes on for what feels like lifetimes. There's not a thing Twilight knows that he doesn't see at some point in Dark Link's arsenal. He's forced to see his journey thrown back at him, and he only went on a single one.

(He loses both his shield and his sword midway through. Has to join in the sniping until that's destroyed. Breaks two more of Wild's weapons. Fought with fangs and claws till he desperately needed healing.)

They came prepared. Armed with every weapon they have. Overstocked with potions and blessings and fairies.

They're still all exhausted, wounded and little more than dead on their feet when Wild lands the apparent fatal blow with a shock arrow. Electricity dances on the shade, its face a mask of silent agony, and it stumbles, shape unsteady, and sinks back into nothing.

“Is it... is it over?” Wind asks, his shirt shredded and an ugly burn on his collarbone.

“Steady!” Warriors calls out. “It might be trying to trick us.”

They watch every corner of the room with the hard earned hatred of a difficult opponent. They're all on their last leg and they can't keep going much longer. The air's so thick with tension Twilight tastes it. His instinct's screaming at him. He knows, in his heart, that this is it.

(It might be why he looked.)

(None of the others have spent as much time as him watching shadows, longing for the way they might waver and twist and become a beloved companion.)

Time's shadow shouldn't be this inky black.

Time's grip on his sword is also looser than his shadow's.

Twilight breaks into a sprint.

For a long time, Twilight had no choice. No matter what, his old mentor couldn't die before he had children.

Somehow, he'd been naïve enough to find comfort in that. Since then, he's dreamed of Time holding his baby, happier than he had ever dared express before. The memories of years that aged his heart faster than his body no longer a burden in his quiet little corner of the world.

There still isn't a choice. Time must go back to his wife and child. Twilight won't accept any other outcome. He'll turn silly images conjured from his resting mind into rock solid visions of the future.

Time's shadow stands up.

Hyrule shouts a warning.

And the blade swings.

“TWILIGHT!”

The taste of copper washes over his tongue. Drips from the corner of his mouth.

He looks down. A blade's shadow is impaling him straight through the chest. And Dark Link's face splits into a savage grin. Triumphant.

Heat bleeds out of his wound too fast. Somehow, he's certain this isn't poison, or at least, the traditional kind. It's climbing up his limbs, through his torso, and squeezes as if it were the coils of a snake. There's something wild, uncontrolled to it. Malicious. Its embrace tightens. Tries to leave him helpless, paralyzed.

It's fine. More so than any other hero, he's used to darkness. Made it a tool for himself in the ways the others haven't dared. And he's suddenly so thankful for it. That it's him. His country doesn't need him anymore, not like Sky who needs to build it from the ground, not like Legend who can never step outside his doors without getting roped into saving another country, not like Hyrule who guards the secret of his royal family, not like Warriors who is working so damn hard to earn back trust and honor amongst his own, not like Wild who wants to serve his Zelda and pay back his past mistake.

He doesn't even have grand projects for the future, like discovering a new land with pirates, find a lost brother, or simply build a home with his wife.

He's just... a farmer who picked up a sword and had help at the right time. Even if he dies, he knows his friends in the resistance could still protect Hyrule in his stead. The kids can look after themselves and each other now. Queen Zelda has always been stronger than him. And Illia... he'll finally let Epona go back to her. He can only hope that will be enough.

Because here and now, he is needed one last time.

Dark Link snarls and grins and begins to pull back his sword.

Twilight's hand catches his wrist. Grips.

Dark Link flinches. Red eyes flickers between his wrist and Twilight's serene smile. The other hand lashes like a whip, dagger's shade aimed right at his face, but that one instead pierces through Twilight's palm. Closing fingers lock Dark Link's arm into place. Neither can escape the other now. For the first time, hesitation flashes on the doppelganger's face. Tilts into fear as it starts to struggle. Each movement is rough, violent and murder on Twilight's battered body. The thing's strength should scare him.

  Except Twilight learned to wrestle gorons for fun. He wins every time.

The others rally. He catches them rushing forward in the corner of his eyes.

It tries to slip inside his shadows, but Twilight remembers that trick too. He pulls back, welcomes the darkness and Dark Link's feet blur, fuse to the ground, to Twilight's own shadow. It's oddly fitting.

With a deadly chime, the biggoron sword sails over his shoulder and catches Dark Link's arm. It rams itself against Twilight, tries to stagger him, but his mentor's at his back now, and the battleworn heroes, his wronged family, repay their suffering with interest.

One skewering echoed eight times over. Every aspect of the Hero's Spirit stabbing at their inner darkness, fighting the demon that claimed their faults. It cannot escape this time. Its face shifts with every blow. From young to old to young again, a twin lost at birth. Bitter. Resentful. It's weak and faltering when at last, it becomes Twilight's.

With one last battle cry, Sky executes a point perfect great spin that slices straight through Dark Link's neck. Its head goes flying and dissolves before it hits the ground. The body remains longer. Some of it clings to Twilight, sinks into him. He might have worried about this eventually, but the black sword fades and his tunic become slick with blood.

Yeah... there's no coming back from that one.

Dark Mirrors had always been his greatest weakness. What set him on his journey, what broke him in the end, twice. He thinks... he thinks he managed to pick up the pieces well enough.

“Sorry, guys...” His attempt at a smile turn into a grimace of pain. “I don't think I can walk this off...”

“Hyrule! Heal him!”

Hyrule's corpse-like pallor is all the answer they need. The fight exhausted the last of his magic. He's still stumbling forward like he will put his own life into the spell if he needs it. Sky's the one to pull him back, looking sick.

Legend's bag is upturned over the floor, and three of them kneel amongst the items. Twilight notes with faint amusement that this time, their prickly veteran does not yell at them to be careful with his stuff. Rare items gathered through harrowing adventures just go flying on the sides, discarded as useless. He hopes none of them break. He'd hate that to be one of the last things Legend remember about him.

“Don't,” Twilight says, but it's too weak to get through his family's panic. “It's okay...”

Four, the one trying to help him stand, snaps at him. “Don't say that!”

“I-” His knees give out from under him. Four goes down with him.

“Twilight!”

The others snap their heads in their direction.

It takes one look at Time's face to realize what a fool he'd been. It's almost enough to make him regret it. But no, given another chance, he'd make the same decision over and over again.

“Please...” he tries to say, but it's lost in a gargle of copper and red.

The screaming worsens.

Will Time go to his grave with this on his mind? He can't. Twilight wants to beg him not to. Wants to explain. Free himself of the fear he's clung to for the months they traveled together. But his lungs refuse to cooperate, filling with blood. Every attempt to speak just pains him more and produces mere wheezes.

Not on my behalf, he thinks, a last jolt of strength going through him from frustration and fear and sorrow. He hates the knowledge he'll put his mentor to rest with false hope. That he'll move on, thinking that his training might save him from this fate.

(From Ganondorf, yes, always. Hyrule saved because of the old man. Always cursed not to be known for his heroism, wasn't he?)

High whistling notes edge the confines of his consciousness. Fast notes, frantic, played with the fervor of a dying man, and he almost chuckles thinking he has a much better understanding of this as darkness creeps on the corner of his eyes and heat leeches out of his wound.

He can't see Time anymore. Just vague outlines of all his brothers, the color of their cloaks and hair the best way he can distinguish them by now. Hands push down on his shoulders, lift him gently. Scarred hands. Strands of blonde hair tickle his face.

Wild.

“'M sorry...” he breathes out. Tears prick at his eyes, knowing how much this'll hurt his cub. His little brother who already bears the weight of so many deaths. “Not... f-f-au-lt. Swear,” he tries to sound stern, he really does.

He can't go to his grave otherwise. He'll stay alive just so Wild and Time and the others don't pick up the guilt.

Eh...

She did always call him an optimist.

He's probably in some dying dream, he sees hands the shades of her skin join Wild's, brush his hair away from his eyes. Liquid flames frame a face like hers. The mocking lilt of her voice is broken by a sob though. He's never heard that before.

He wishes he could stop the pain for all of them, but he's tired.

Maybe... maybe Hylia granted him that one last favor. Maybe it's just him and his stupid heart that won't heal right, that makes him see what's not there...

He doesn't have the strength to do more than believe anyway.

“Midna...”

Tender warmth brush over his lips, one last little balm before he goes. It's gentle. So unlike her, so like her too. Eh. He always imagined they'd be cold.

***

Wild sees Twilight's eyes close, and his world snaps in half.

His brother slips from his arms, but thankfully, the woman's grip on him is steady. Familiar. It makes Twilight look at peace, as if he was sleeping in his lover's lap. It's something he always wished for his big brother, from the moment he heard that joke about a princess and a mirror. To have someone who loved him worth the pain he'd gone through.

And he only gets it in death.

It can't end this way. It can't! Mipha! he grapples with the thought and it wins. “MIPHA! PLEASE!”

She'd healed him from the brink so many times. Twilight's even more of a hero than him, so it would only be fair, right? Just this once. Just this once. He can't lose someone else because of his incompetence!

But Mipha has long gone to rest, and no one disturbs their group of heroes from their loss.

Wild feels himself scrap at his old hood, pushes it down over his head. As if that would stop reality from sinking in. He can't look at Twilight's body. He can't. He just wants to wake up in the shrine, like nothing ever happened. Like he hasn't watched-

“It was you!” Warriors snarls at the woman, his tone as biting as a sword's kiss. “All this time! It was you that broke his heart! He said he lost you, but you just left, didn't you?! You could have gone back to him!”

The strange woman – Midna – finally turns away from Twil- from... she turns to Warriors. Tears trail down her cheeks despite the faintest hint of a smile. “I always hoped he would forget me, the sweet fool.”

It's spoken with the sort of affection in one of Twilight's hair ruffling, but the insult feels searing. Wind's on her the next second.

“Don't you dare call him that!” he howls in her face, the shout less intimidated by the snot and tears he can't hold in. “Don't you- Twilight's not- not...”

Somehow, Sky can move. He lifts Wind away from Midna. It breaks the teen's rage, and he curls into Sky's shoulders as if their chosen isn't crying himself.

“He was,” she says, and it strikes Wild that she is just like Twilight had said. Fierce. Powerful. And a bit cruel. Like a jewel barbed in thorns – even if she'd laugh at the description. “It could have been different, if he hadn't been who he was. But he would always make this choice. You know this.”

Memories come to Wild, unbidden, of days in his Hyrule, where the only one he could count on was himself and a wolf. Hordes chasing a beast whilst he picked them off one by one. Enormous monsters fell side by side with his friend. Cold nights buried in fur. Panicked barks getting closer to him as he struggled to stand in the middle of a battlefield.

Goddesses...

The music – when, who, had started, – breaks into a horrible screech that should never come out of an instrument. It's half scream. Half something shattering.

“Why isn't it working?!” Time croaks, hands trembling around his broken ocarina.

“That power was only ever borrowed,” Midna says as if every syllable costs her. “The price would be too high.”

Legend is the next one to move from sorrow to rage. “No! We'll do it again!” He kneels by his bags and he's tossing aside items by the dozens.  “We didn't come all this way for this!”

“You did,” Midna's voice falters. “And so did I. It was always meant to end like this.”

An horrible sinking feeling seizes Wild's heart. “You... knew?”

They freeze.

Midna looks down at Twilight's face and brushes a strand of hair away from his markings. “At the very end of our adventures, I was spared by the Goddess. Salvaged, maybe, from the ruins of forbidden power and the home of my dearest friend. Hylia spoke to me then. Told me.”

Wild sees her chest shudder before her voice breaks.

“Told me that Link and I would only be reunited on the day of his death. That I'd be the one to take his last breath. It was the only way Hyrule could be safe.”

“Fuck Hyrule!” Legend shouts, hoarse. “What is the point-? Every time! F-fuck this kingdom and fuck Hylia! What about us?! Why does she hate us so much?!”

Legend's arms fall to the sides, his grief spent. He stares at his feet and doesn't react when his successor hugs him tight. Warriors gets his other side.

Wild feels numb. He had done his best the first time around, to believe that Hylia wanted the best even when she let his Zelda suffer through her silence. He thought, maybe, her late answer had a purpose. But he can't figure it out. A kingdom she claimed to protect, destroyed before she helped.

His chest hurts. He can't breath right.

Ahead, the air tears with a jarring noise and a burst of black particles. He can't help the flare of hope they bring, the very same magic that Twilight used to become a wolf. But his brother's not moving. Midna's arm is raised toward the black portal.  

“No, no!” Time finally breaks out of his paralysis, reaching out for Twilight's body. “You can't take him!”

“I'm sorry,” she whispers. “I don't have much time left. I must bring him back to his village. I owe him that much.”

None of them stop her from walking back into the shadows, their lost brother in her arms.

***

The greatest threat to their world has finally been defeated. Months of hardship, over. The purpose for which Hylia assembled them, fulfilled. It should have been heralded by a feast, a last evening together before the final goodbyes. The weight of their mission should have been lifted, but now it won't leave them.

They try.

They find the seediest tavern, in the darkest corner of town. They are not looking for a celebration. They want to drown the sorrow in something less painful than grief, be it a bar fight, a hangover or a round of the bard's singing.

All eight of them around a table, nine drinks before them. A toast.

Unshed tears.

Stories. All those times Twilight played big brother to them. Tried to be the reasonable one even when he was smirking under his wolf pelt. Those games of cards he won the pants off Warriors, literally. Those times he teased Legend with his incomprehensible slangs (they'd never know what that one about goat horns mean, would they?). Those nights they woke bundled up under a wolf. Those days he would spend at their bedside, caring for injuries he sniffed out better than most.

They call up more drinks, left the ninth alone, and pour their soul into making themselves almost believe he was still alive. That Midna had taken his sleeping body back where he'd finally get to be in love with her.  

For the time of a few laughs, it works. Then they look at the empty seat.

“He died.” Time drops his head into his hands, smaller than they'd ever seen him before. “Twilight died, and I wasn't even holding him! I was playing that goddess-curse ocarina! He told me! He told me he would die for me and I didn't listen!”

“He would have died for any of us,” Warriors says, weakly. “Just like we would have died for him.”

At the end of the night, when they stumble out, unsteady, Wild picks up the ninth drink and empties it outside.

***

The arrow's tip strikes one eye and detonates.

Cracks in the stone spread a little further. But the statue is still standing. It waited for him when he came back. Here. The only thing still standing in the ruins of the temple. Where his first journey began.

He can't hear her voice as he did before. He has no crest to offer, no proof of his valor to receive a blessing. Even now, the thought makes him want to hurl. To carve out the gifts he'd received from the monster that parades as a goddess right out of his chest.

“Why?!” Wild screams at the unfeeling block of stone.

The damage reaches the statue's middle, and a chunk tears off. A piece of her cloak. Dust follows. He shoots another bomb arrow. Almost grins to see a piece of her hair fly off.

“Why? Why WHYWHYWHY?!”

Fingers close on air. He's emptied his quiver.

Glowing bomb runes materialize in his hands, and he can barely wait out the cooldown time between each new explosion.

He switches to a club.

“Why him?!” He wails at the stone. “Why was it him?! Why not me?!”

The shout drains the last of his strength. With a sob, he falls to his knees.

“You did this to him! You killed my brother!” he spits every inch of venom that's making his chest heave, that burns his eyes and that opened this gaping hole inside him. “Why did you do that?! You're supposed to be good! Everyone told me you protect Hyrule! But you don't! You just send the same mortal do your job over and over again! And now he's... he's DEAD! What's the point of you?!”

“Link!”

Zelda's voice.

It rubs his skin raw that she sounds so happy. She should be disgusted to see such a worthless hero! She should have left him to die in that field!

She stops by the broken entrance to the Temple of Time, her gaze flickering to the statue, to his sorry state. The ecstatic looks vanishes and a far more fitting sadness replaces it.

“Link...?”

For a frightening moment, he thinks he's going to hate her. Hate Zelda for what she represents. He thinks he won't be able to look at her without knowing what she is. That there'll always be a voice in the back of his mind telling him she shares her soul with the unfeeling thing that lead his brother to his death.

“What happened?” she asks, gentle.

“T-Twilight... he's... ”

The club hits the ground.

Zelda closes her arms around him, and he clings to her like she's going to disappear.

***

“It's a boy!”

The wisewoman presents the small squirming body to Time.

Wisps of strawberry blonde hair crown his son's mostly naked head. Not dark enough to be...

He banishes the thought from his head. It's unfair. It's cruel. He can't compare them. His son. His son, he repeats to himself when the little bundle shifts against the inside of his elbow. Malon was right. That button nose is far cuter than his.

He's perfect.

His heart is threatening to jump right out of his chest. He doesn't think he can express all the love he has for this little hylian boy properly. He doesn't think it's possible to love anyone that much. For years, he'd feared a pauper's grave, a hole on the side of the road. A monster getting lucky at last and no one to mourn him. And now he was holding his firstborn child.

Malon had pushed past that fear and the walls he'd built around his heart. Twilight had shown him without a doubt he could have a family.

Twilight had...

It could have been different. But he would always make this choice.

Always choose to save Time at the last possible moment. For Malon. For their son.

Time dabs the corner of his eyes, and loses himself in the feeling of his son's skin against his own. He's so lucky to be able to hold him. To kiss the top of his head. To look at the beauty of his wife and child together. He doesn't know if he deserves it. Doesn't feel like he does anymore. But he can't throw it away. The price was so high. He wants every moment spent well. A full life to shower his child with love, for all the children he might have on the ranch.

I promised you.

Twilight is his successor, his son. A strong, kind young man that died too soon for Time's mistake. If he'd been stronger, if any of them had been a little stronger, perhaps...

He's never resented the lack of recognition over his deeds so ardently before. Never felt the bitterness take root this deep. Everything he was, everything he did, forgotten, lost. Accounts of his deeds, his prowesses, gone. Sword techniques. Tricks. Items. Twilight had been a farmer before Hylia had pushed his fate onto him. How could his own descendant have nothing of Time's knowledge and treasures passed down to him? If he had...  

On the Triforce, he swears. He will pass on everything he knows to his children and his grandchildren after them, make them promise to perpetuate that tradition, so that Twilight might live longer. He couldn't fail him again.

He swears.

He will do anything to help Twilight survive their last quest.

In this world or the next.

#Linked Universe #Linkeduniverse #LU Twilight #LU Time

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//nine years time. kuroo tetsurou//

Request: Hello can you write royal kuroo promising y/n when he comes back they will both marry. But it has been 9 years and y/n married someone else to finish their duty as a royal. Then a month later kuroo comes back.

Warnings: none???

Word Count: 2.2K

Notes: hi yes i love you. please drink lots of water, okay?

“I won’t be long, I promise.  A year at the most and then,” he raised your hand up towards his lips, placing a lingering kiss against the skin of your knuckles before continuing, “we can finally get married, just like we’ve always wanted.”

The war had been waging for far too long, but with the kingdom’s final move on the horizons, it was only a matter of time before this would all be settled and an air of peace would once again fall over your home.  You should’ve been happy, ecstatic even, that everything would go back to how it used to be before this entire conflict started, but the young man in front of you, that you had been so captivated by from the first time that you met, was about to leave to stand with his military.  After all, some member of the royal family had to be present to negotiate the peace treaty and with his father becoming too old and frail to make the journey, it only made sense that the prince should take his place.

But, the goodbyes and the warm feeling of Tetsurou’s hand engulfing yours nearly brought tears to your eyes.  He was still going away to war and that title of “prince” just added a bigger target to his back.  And even if it was only going to be for a year, those days would seem like an eternity as you waited for his letters and counted the weeks to his return.  

“You’ll wait for me?” Tetsurou asked, raising his hand to lay it gently against your cheek.

“I’ll wait as long as I must to be with you, my prince.”

But, that first year had ended with a letter announcing that things had not gone to plan.  They would be staging a siege to cut off the supply lines of the enemy, but there was no telling how long they would be there, waiting for a surrender.  

Hopefully they will see that their efforts are futile and I will be able to return to you quickly.  I miss you more with every passing day and I want nothing more to have you in my arms once again.

Take care, my love, and I will see you soon.

K. Tetsurou

By the end of the second year, the letters had slowed.  Monthly letters now came at a snail’s pace of one every few months.  And by the third year, they had stopped all together.  No matter how many letters that you penned to your prince so far away, there was never anything in return.  It was only after the fourth year that you stopped trying to reach him, giving up and letting the worst possible outcome consume you.  

It was really the only logical outcome that your brain could come up with.  If he was still alive, he would’ve written to you.  He wouldn’t have just ignored all of your letters.  He would’ve gotten in touch with you somehow.  The loss of the kingdom’s prince, your first and only love, was the only explanation.  And it tore you to pieces.  He was meant to come back to you, officially make you his.  Tetsurou was supposed to meet you in town when he rode back in with the rest of the troops and give you the kiss that you had been waiting so long for.  But, there was none of that and there never would be any of that, because he was gone and he wasn’t coming back.  

The fifth year without him was the worst.  You found yourself struggling to carry out your day to day tasks, unable to see the purpose in carrying on if he wasn’t able to be there to give you tender kisses on your temple at the end of the day and hold you tightly within his arms.  There would be days when you would see something that was so distinctly Tetsurou that you would quickly turn around and hastily walk in the opposite direction so that no one could see the way your eyes glistened with tears that wished to fall.  You would lie awake and read his final letter to you over and over again, skimming your fingers across his name as if that would be enough to bring him back to you.  You would anxiously wait for the mail every single day in the off chance that maybe, just maybe, this would be the day in which a letter would come announcing his return.  But there was never anything apart from the occasional invitation to a ball or a letter from a friend that only brought sorrow to your heart when you realized that it wasn’t the letter that you were hoping for.  

But, it was year six when you met him.  The man with the bright smile and the shining eyes.  The man with the most cheery laugh that you had ever heard.  He had spun you around the ballroom for what seemed like hours, telling you stories about his travels, cracking jokes in an effort to see you smile all over again.  Yes, Bokuto Koutarou had made you feel something that had been void from your life since the letters stopped coming.  The way that he gripped onto your hands in excitement as he asked you for yet another dance had your heart fluttering as you nodded your head.  You were barely able to get a yes out before he was dragging you back out towards the center of the dance floor, giving you a low bow as the music began.  

In that sixth year, he had made you happier than you had been in a very long time.  There wasn’t a moment of sadness when he was there to brighten your day, his smile more contagious than the plague, and a heart that had the capability of producing such raw and honest emotions.  He was so intoxicating that you found yourself thinking of the prince that had originally stolen your heart far less than usual.  Whether you were awake or asleep, Bokuto consumed your thoughts, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to complain one bit.  

Because in the seventh year, when he was given your parents’ blessing and he asked for your hand in marriage, you couldn’t stop yourself from saying yes, thoughts of finally being able to marry a man that you loved so wholly bringing a smile so wide that it pained your cheeks.  But, it was also in that year that you found yourself sitting down at your desk in front of a piece of parchment, a quill sitting next to a bottle of ink.  In year seven, you drafted your final letter to Kuroo Tetsurou, a goodbye to set your mind at ease, to be able to guiltlessly move forward with your life.

Tetsurou,

I hope that this letter finds you well.  It has been much too long since I have last had the pleasure of hearing from you.  Perhaps the war has needed your full attention over these past few years and, if that is the case, then I cannot blame you for not taking the time to write to me.  But, there is something that I wish to tell you.  

Seven years ago, I made a promise to you.  Do you remember that?  I promised that I would wait as long as I must to be with you, to finally be able to marry you.  But, I am afraid that today I have broken that promise to you for I have accepted a marriage proposal from another man, one that makes me as happy as you did.  He brings me a feeling of happiness that I only ever felt with you. 

My prince, I waited as long as I could.  But, the silence had worn down on me to the point that it was unbearable.  I had waited in sorrow for a letter that never came and when I needed a light the most, he was there, shining brighter than any star in the galaxy.  I hope that you will forgive me and I wish you all of the best in your future.

Best,

Y/N

And you had folded up a letter with the name of a man who would never read it, but still, when the day broke the horizon the next morning, you met the postman at the door, a piece of folded parchment in your hand, a letter that would fall on deaf ears.  

It wasn’t until the eighth year after Tetsurou’s leave that you took a new last name.  You found happiness in Koutarou, a sense of peace that only he could offer.  His joyful laughter echoed through the walls of his manor as he lifted you from the ground, spinning the both of you around and around until he was sure that he would collapse as the room continued to spin even after he was sure that his feet had stopped.  But, he couldn’t have been happier.  Being here, in a home that had felt so lonely for a long time, now with someone that he loved more than anything in the world, Bokuto wasn’t sure that there was anything that could’ve made his life better.  

It was also in that eighth year that Bokuto realized that there was one thing that could make his world even brighter and it came in the form of a small bump that you carried with you everywhere you went.  His little bump.  A child that unified you better than any wedding band or string of vows ever could.  Everytime that he would look at you with your growing stomach, he could feel his heart swell, a new sense of pride filling his chest at the idea of becoming a father to his beautiful little baby.  

In year nine, the two of you became parents to a precious baby girl that had Koutarou wrapped around her finger from the very minute she was born.  With his wide golden eyes and silver locks, she was more beautiful than you ever could have imagined.  It was as if after all of your years of turmoil, the gods were blessing you with the perfect life that you had always envisioned, but a different man was by your side rather than the one that you had always pictured as the father of your children, your loving husband.  Yet, despite your life not turning out exactly how you had planned, there was nothing that you wanted to change.  You were finally happy and at peace with losing your first love.

But a letter had arrived in the mail.  One that announced that the war had finally drawn to a close and that the troops would be arriving home the following week.  

“It would be nice to go.  We could see the soldiers back and then we can go visit the shops downtown, stop for lunch, and do whatever else you’d like for the rest of the day,” Koutarou suggested, laying the letter down on the dining table.  “But, we obviously don’t have to go!  If it may upset you, then maybe we shouldn’t,” he added quickly.”

“Koutarou, please.  You have nothing to worry about.  I’ve come to terms with his death a long time ago.  I think a day in town would be perfect.”  You smiled warmly, laying your hand over his, letting him lace his fingers with yours.

There were very few things that you were expecting after nine years, but the look on Kuroo Tetsurou’s face when he laid eyes on you that day, the returning troops at his back, was unforgettable.  There had been an all too familiar sense of longing in his expression when he had initially recognized your form, but when his brain registered the man who had a protective arm wrapped around you and the small bundle of blankets in your arms, the adoration had fallen from his eyes only to be replaced by a sad look in his eyes, one unlike something you had ever seen cross his face.  The prince that you had fallen in love with all of those years ago, now looked like he had aged 20 years, whether it be from the stress of war or from the realization that his one love had continued moving forward in their life, even he wasn’t sure.

Yet, despite everything in his body telling him no, Tetsurou dismounted from his horse, long legs carrying him easily over the distance that kept you from him.  It was in that ninth year that Kuroo Tetsurou was careless and crashed his lips against your own, a desire to pull you closer to him and finally feel your body against his that had been stopped by a baby.  A baby that started crying when Tetsurou’s body bumped against it.  A cry that snapped him back to reality and had him pulling away from you.  Remembering that the child in your arms was not his.  Remembering that after nine long years, you were no longer his.  

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #kuroo #kuroo x reader #tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu imagines #au #royalty au #victorian au #imagines #x reader #hq #hq x reader #trt #throne room thursdays

[jewish-space-laser]

Snowed In, Locked Out

Hello beautiful people! This is a repost of a story I wrote back in 2018. I deleted my original blog (she-guitar-solo) a couple months ago, but I’ve decided to try coming back! I’ll be reposting the rest of my writing today and tomorrow. Feel free to leave feedback, it’s always very much appreciated! 8.5k words

xxx Tile

Even bundled up with layers of thick clothing, a cup of steaming tea, and three blankets, Rosie was sure she had never been colder. It had started with a severe weather alert on the news, and had ended in a power outage and four feet of snow, which meant that her heat wasn’t working, and every flat surface in her disorganized studio apartment was covered in candles. It looked nice, but the plethora of scents from the candles were giving her a headache and she couldn’t remember the last time she felt her toes.  

She had tried to watch her weekly soaps on her laptop, but it quickly died, leaving her with a blank screen and an annoyed eye roll. Next, she’d dragged her puppy, Buddy, out into the snow for what was meant to be a quick walk, but ended up taking well over an hour due to his excited prancing and rolling. It was his first snowfall, and he was having a ball playing in the large piles that had already started to form along the sidewalk. It took an extra ten minutes to dry him off completely once Rosie got him back inside.

She hoped that this would be the worst of the bad weather. It was out of character for London to have a snowstorm this large. Ideally, it would all melt by the end of the month, and things would go back to normal. She didn’t know how much more of this she could handle.

Now, Buddy was curled up at the foot of the twin bed as Rosie cocooned herself so only her face was exposed. Having grown up in a warmer climate, she was a self-proclaimed wimp when it came to cold weather.

“This is basically hell, Buddy,” she told her puppy, who gave no indication that he’d heard her apart from a slight ear twitch. She nudged him gently with her foot, and he lifted his head slowly, giving Rosie a bleary glare before lowering his chin back to his paws. “You’re so lucky you have a built in coat.”

And that’s how the evening continued. Rosie would tug the blankets tighter around herself and tell Buddy about her plans to stay warm. Should she invest in a battery-powered space heater? No way, you’re right Bud, those are a huge fire hazard. It was starting to smell awfully strange due to the mix of scented candles, should she stand up and blow some of them out? Maybe if it wasn’t so cold, there’s no way these blankets are moving. When the power turns back on, she’s going to take a scalding hot shower. After we go for another hour-long walk, of course…

After a while of this, Rosie was running out of things to think about. Buddy had clearly fallen asleep. Just as she willed herself to stand up and fetch a novel from the tower of books teetering on her desk, there was a firm knock on the door, which of course, set Buddy into a frenzy. He jumped up from his place and raced towards the sound, hopping around on the welcome mat out of sheer excitement.  

As soon as Rosie unlatched the lock, the person on the other side twisted the handle and let themselves in, forcing her to take a quick leap backwards to dodge the door. She watched as Harry pulled the beanie off of his head, shucked his jacket off his shoulders and onto the ground, and toed off his boots. There was a growing puddle of muddy snow next to his pile of winter gear.

“Bloody freezing out!” He exclaimed, “This is meant to be London, not the fucking North Pole.”

Rosie watched with crossed arms as he stooped down to pat Buddy before glancing up at her with a swoon-worthy smile. She almost wanted to scream at him for shoving his way into her space, but she couldn’t do that, not when she hadn’t seen him in nearly four months and he looked good enough to eat in his skinny jeans.

He stood up slowly, giving Buddy one last pet on the rump before opening his arms wide. Rosie beamed at him, not hesitating to walk into his embrace.

“Hey, Ro,” he had dug his face into her hair, so his voice was muffled, but it sounded like heaven to her. “It’s so, so good to see you.”

“Harry,” she gleefully cheered, “I didn’t even know you were back in town!”

“Got in late last night,” he explained, moving his face away but not releasing her from his hold. “Was gonna stop by later on this week to say hey, but then…” he trailed off, sucking his lips into his mouth and hanging his head.

“Let me guess,” she stepped back, placing a hand on her hip. Harry’s arms swung loosely back to his sides. “You’ve locked yourself out again?”

Harry Styles had been her next-door neighbor since she moved into the complex two years prior, and had immediately welcomed her with a handmade card and a bottle of sparkling grape juice (“was gonna buy wine, but wasn’t sure if you drank alcohol or not, didn’t want to assume”). He had made it his mission to make her feel at home, and despite only spending a few months out of the year in London, he made sure to always drop by with sparkling grape juice and frozen TV dinners for lighting round catch-up sessions whenever he happened to be in town. It had become their little tradition.

He also had a tendency to lock himself out of his flat, a nasty habit that forced him to seek refuge at hers while he waited for the landlord to come on site. Harry had to be one of the most scatterbrained, forgetful men Rosie had ever met in her life. If they weren’t friends, she’d be annoyed, but it was impossible not be endeared by Harry.

“Locked my entire set of keys in my car, only realized once I got inside,” he confirmed, at least having the decency to look sheepish. “Called somebody to try and get it unlocked, but they said they couldn’t get here until the roads are plowed.”

“Harry!” Rosie groaned, “The plows won’t be out until tomorrow morning, at the earliest!”

Before the power had cut out, the news channel had mentioned something about the blizzard raging through the night. It was one of the worst snow storms that London had seen in years.

“You really think it’ll take that long?” He asked incredulously, digging a hand into the back pocket of his jeans.

“Before the power went out, I was watching the news, and it looks like the city is pretty much on lockdown until the snow stops,” Rosie patted Harry’s shoulder sympathetically. “It’s supposed to go all night.”

“Well shit,” he laughed humorlessly, “think it’s too late for a hotel reservation?”

“I’m sure there’s something still available,” she reasoned, digging her cell phone from her pocket to check where the nearest vacancy was. Just as she found something closeby, Harry let out a soft expletive from where he stood. When she looked over at him, he was patting down his pockets helplessly.

“I’ve locked my wallet in my car, too,” he moaned. “I’m officially fucked.”

“Oh, H,” Rosie sighed. She gave her ratty couch a quick side-eye. She had bought it secondhand from a stranger on craigslist when she moved in, and even though a few springs were loose and the fabric was scratchy and threadbare, it was plush and large enough to take up the majority of her living room. Her flat definitely wasn’t big enough to share with another person, but poor Harry was absolutely stranded. “I suppose… you could take my couch, just for the night? I know you’ve been travelling a lot and probably want a nice bed, but that’s all I’ve got.”

“I… don’t want to impose,” he said, though his eyes brightened at her offer.

“You’re not,” she assured him. “I’m not going to kick you out into the cold with nowhere to go.”

“You’re absolutely sure?” He pressed. “I can call for a ride.”

“Nonsense,” Rosie waved him off, turning around to grab some extra blankets from the closet. “I’ll just set up the couch, it’s really no bother. It definitely won’t be comfortable, but I don’t want you, or anybody else for that matter, out on the roads. It’s too slippery to be driving.”

Harry’s shoulders sagged in relief. “I owe you one, Ro. You’re the fucking best.”

“You say that every time,” Rosie reminded him, setting the pile of fuzzy blankets onto the arm of the couch for him.

“Well, that’s because it’s true,” he stated matter-of-factly, walking over to wrap an arm around her shoulders. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, H,” she smiled, “It’s been so long.”

Harry sat himself down onto the couch, pulling Rosie with him so that they could talk properly. Buddy, still reeling from having a new person in his space, hopped up onto the couch and set his front paws in Harry’s lap.

“Yeah, it really has,” Harry breathed with a faraway look in his eyes. “When’s the last time I saw you, then? September?”

“I think so,” Rosie nodded her head, feigning indifference. The truth was, she had been counting down the days until he made a visit to London, checking the hallway and mailroom for any sign he’d been home.

“I’ve been so busy,” he informed her, raking his fingers through Buddy’s fur.

“Have you?” He nodded his confirmation. “Tell me about everything you’ve been doing.”  

This was one of her favorite parts about hanging out with Harry. Even though it only happened every once in a while, he’d always return home with the most amazing stories to tell her. It was worth the wait to see his eyes light up when he talked about recording his second album in Tokyo. His excitement was contagious when he told her about his last night of tour, when the crowd begged him to sing Kiwi three times. She rubbed his arm comfortingly when he spoke of how he missed his family, and even with his new cat, Evie, in LA, he still felt lonely often.

“But that’s enough about me,” he leaned back further into the couch. He had just finished telling Rosie a very detailed count of the moment he won the tour ping-pong tournament, a victory that had apparently required him to remove all of his clothing backstage. “I want to hear about you.”

“Oh,” Rosie hummed. “Well, I got that promotion at work I’d been trying for!”

“Hey!” Harry beamed, wrapping an arm over her shoulders. “That’s amazing, Ro! Congrats.”

“Thanks,” she preened. “But other than that, not much else has been happening.”

“Waiting for me to come home?” He smirked.

“Stop flirting with me,” she warned, pushing his arm off of her as he cackled. She was grateful that he couldn’t feel how sweaty her hands had gotten from just one silly comment. If only he knew how right he was.

“Sorry,” he shrugged, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

Rosie playfully rolled her eyes, tucking her feet under her bottom for warmth. Even with the woolen socks she’d put on, the cold was a bit numbing.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Harry asked.

“I don’t really know,” she admitted. “Obviously the power is out, so that narrows down our options.”

The pair sat quietly for a few moments, pondering the different activities they could find in Rosie’s shoebox apartment.

“We could watch a movie,” Harry finally suggested.

“I would love that,” Rosie started, “but my laptop battery is dead, and yours is locked in your flat.”

“Why don’t we just watch on my phone?” He pressed. “I mean, it’ll be a small screen but it’s better than doing nothing. I have a portable charger in my jacket, too.”

Rosie’s eyes lit up at the suggestion. She stood up from the cushion and straightened out the sweater she was wearing. “Let’s do that, then. Here, you stay there, I’ll grab your charger.”

“No!” Harry shouted, launching himself off of the couch. “I’ll… I’ll get it. Why don’t you dig around the kitchen for snacks or something?”

“Um, alright,” she furrowed her eyebrows at him. He ignored her, reaching into his jacket pocket carefully before pulling out a tangled cord. “What kinds of snacks are you in the mood for? I don’t have much….”

“Anything’s fine,” he muttered. He had thrown his coat back onto her floor, and was now focused on getting his phone plugged in. “If you’ve got anything alcoholic, bring that, too.”

Rosie brushed off his odd behavior, shuffling off towards her kitchen. She was able to find some crackers that weren’t stale, and a container of Oreo’s that still had a sleeve and a half left. She skimmed her eyes over the liquor cabinet briefly, but there was nothing that would taste good without a mixer, so she let it be.

“Okay, which do you want first?” She asked, holding the snacks in each of her hands. Harry glanced up, scrunching his mouth in thought before pointing at the Oreo’s. Rosie pouted slightly, handing him the package. That’s the one she was hoping to start with.

“No drinks?” he asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Nothing good,” she told him.

“Hmm… bet I could find something.” He stated confidently, sliding his socked feet over to the kitchen. He pulled open her refrigerator, immediately reaching in to grab something. “You have wine in your fridge! Two bottles!”

“Yes, but it’s cold,” Rosie pointed out. “We’ll feel colder if we drink it.”

“Well, if we drink enough, we’ll feel warm,” Harry smiled, already pulling open her drawers in search of a corkscrew.

“I suppose you’re right,” she nodded, following him into the kitchen to fetch the wine glasses from the cabinets.

Harry found the corkscrew on the second drawer he opened, which wasn’t a surprise. He had been over often enough to know his way around Rosie’s place, even if it was just for a few hours at a time. It wasn’t difficult considering her flat was literally one room, plus a small bathroom. The only indication that the kitchen was separate from the rest of her space was the tile floor, as opposed to the carpet that covered her living room. Her bed was in the living room, pushed all the way into the far corner away from the window. Rosie was sure that Harry’s flat was much larger, but he didn’t seem to mind how small hers was.

Once they had settled onto the couch with their drinks and snacks, Harry unlocked his phone and held the screen between them. “Can you see?” he asked.

Rosie nodded. “We’re watching Grease?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Turns out the internet shuts off when the power’s down, and this is one of the only films I have saved into my phone. Is that okay?”

“More than,” she assured him. “I love this movie, used to have a huge crush on Kenickie.”

“Kenickie?” Harry repeated incredulously. “First of all, he’s such a sleaze. Second, Danny Zuko is clearly the heartthrob here. Him and Rizzo are the hottest.”

“Dunno what to tell you, H,” Rosie laughed, “just always had a think for Kenickie.”

“I think I’ll be Kenickie for Halloween next year,” he grinned teasingly. Rosie pretended that she didn’t see Harry’s gaze drop down over her body and then back up again.

“Harry,” she said sternly.

“I know, I know,” he raised both of his hands into the air, “stop flirting with you.”

Rosie let the conversation drop after that. After all, she wanted to focus on the movie. It had been ages since she’d been able to sit down and watch a classic like this.

Just as Danny Zuko belted out the last lyrics of Greased Lightning, Harry leaned over and cleared his throat. Rosie glanced up at him to see that he was already looking down at her.

“Erm, Rosie?” he said softly.

“Yeah H?”

“My arm is getting, like, really tired holding the phone up like this.”

“Oh,” Rosie frowned. “Do you want me to take a turn holding it?”

“Well, I was thinking,” he mumbled, rolling his bottom lip between his fingers. “It might be more comfortable if we just, moved to your bed, y’know? That way we can just set the phone down and prop it up with pillows and stuff.”

Rosie wasn’t sure if it was the wine she had consumed or the soft, calm focus that Harry was putting on her, but she found herself fidgeting with the ends of her hair. She and Harry had sat close together more times than she could count, but sharing a bed was an entirely different story. Things happened on beds, things that she and Harry definitely didn’t do.

As if he could sense her discomfort, he placed a hand on her knee. “I promise I’ll still sleep on the couch.”

His promise didn’t do much to appease her, but she agreed nonetheless, shrugging one shoulder and nodding towards her bed with her chin. “Go get us set up, then. I’m going to pour more wine for us.”

I’m going to need it, she thought.

“Getting me drunk and letting me lay on your bed?” Harry jabbed at her side playfully as he passed her. “If you want me that badly, all you have to do is-”

“Jeez, Harry,” Rosie groaned, unable to keep the smile from her face, “sometimes you’re too cheeky.”

She filled her glass higher than she normally would.

When she finished, she stalked over to her twin bed and carefully sprawled out, trying to avoid spilling her wine. It was a tight squeeze with both of them – their shoulders and hips were pressed together tightly while they both lay on their stomachs – but Harry’s reassuring glance had her feeling more at ease.

It almost felt too good having him this close.

“Alright,” Harry said, taking a quick gulp of his wine, “shall I press play?

~~~

“YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT!” Rosie yelled, slurring nearly every other word.

“OOH, OHH OHH, HONEY!” Harry shouted back, sounding equally as inebriated.

They had gotten up off her bed ages ago, opting to listen to the movie rather than watch it. The funny thing about having ‘just one more glass of wine, Ro’, was that it had turned into about three more glasses of wine, and they had each drank enough to get the room slightly off kilter. It was Rosie who had suggested that they danced when the song ‘Sandy’ came on, and Harry had agreed, leading her around the room in a poorly performed waltz.

Harry had been the one to insist they stayed standing, acting out each of the parts. He knew the lines much better than she did, but it was still hilarious to watch him flounce around her flat dramatically, dodging furniture as he went overboard with every scene.

“I was in a movie, y’know,” he had sulked when she laughed at him.

“Yes, H, I know,” she’d told him, pressing a firm kiss to the stubble on his cheek.

Now, they were more energetic than ever, the upbeat music adrenalizing them to the point of insanity. Harry was whipping his head all around in circles, feet tapping against the ground in fast, short jerks. Rosie was sure she had seen him pull this move when he had performed in London, but she was too busy dancing to say anything about it. Buddy, not wanting to be left out of the excitement, was tearing around the flat, occasionally stopping to jump up and press his nose to Harry’s stomach before racing away again.

“You better shape up!” She continued singing.

“‘Cause I need a man!” Harry interrupted her.

“Harry! That’s my line,” she whined, gripping the back of the couch to keep her balance. “I’m… I’m supposed to be Sandy.”

“Hmm, you are Sandy. I reckon you’d look nice in that costume, too,” Harry said seriously, stopping his twirling to get a better look at her. He had to hold onto the couch to keep from teetering as well.

“I actually was Sandy for Halloween once,” she told him, smiling at the memory. She and her high school sweetheart had done couples costumes her senior year, and she’d wanted to go all out. “Did you know that for the movie, Olivia Newton-John had to be stewn… stewn… sewn into her costume because it was so tight?” Rosie stumbled over her words.

Harry stepped closer to her. “Were you sewn into yours?”

Rosie was taken aback by Harry’s unfaltering stare. There was an intensity there that she hadn’t seen from him before, and certainly hadn’t been there just moments ago, and even though she knew that it was irresponsible to egg him on, she didn’t want to stop.

“No…” she told him. “It was really tight, though. Completely made of elastic.”

“Wow,” he sighed, raking his eyes up and down her frame with wine-hooded eyes. “Wish I had been there for that….”

He was close enough now to touch her, but his arms hung straight as needles by his sides. The air surrounding them, though freezing, was thick with tension. Everything felt hazy, as if anything outside of the moment was immersed in fog.

“My boyfriend at the time… he was dressed as Danny.”

Harry’s lips curled downwards into snarl. “Don’t have a boyfriend now, right?”

“Nope,” she whispered.

Harry’s arm lifted to her waist. Rosie couldn’t move, and even though she knew her heartbeat had picked up a considerable amount, she felt like it wasn’t beating at all. She swore her lungs stopped working the moment his fingertips buried into her sweater.

“That’s… good, yeah?” He hushed, watching his hand like somebody else was moving it for him.

“What?” She breathed, unable to pay attention to anything but his touch.

“‘S good that you,” he gulped, “s’good you don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Why’s that good?”

He wrapped his arm further around her, pulling her closer to him. Rosie placed her palms flat against his chest, and relished in the fact that his heartbeat was just as erratic as hers.

“‘S good because you look, just, so beautiful,” he answered softly. Rosie couldn’t stop staring at his lips.

“Stop, um, stop flirting with me, Harry.”

His name had barely escaped her mouth when his lips pressed to hers. The kiss was gentle; timid, almost. Rosie didn’t dare move her hands, afraid that the slightest movement would shatter the moment. Harry’s head tilted skillfully to the left, his nose just barely brushing against hers. He sucked on her bottom lip like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted, only pulling away to breathe in deeply. Rosie felt hypnotized.

When Harry finally took a small step back, they were both panting.

“Can’t believe I just did that,” he touched his fingertips to his lips. Rosie, however, was less than pleased by the distance he had created.

Taking a bold step forward, she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck. He watched her with eager eyes. “I can’t believe you just stopped,” she quipped.

Their second kiss was more intense, full of open mouths, clashing teeth, and tongues moulding against each other. It was sloppy, and tasted bitter like wine, but Rosie felt like she was flying. She loved the way Harry’s hands explored her body: running up and down her sides, tangling into her hair, and even reaching down to squeeze over her bottom. It was all heavenly.

She didn’t fight him when he walked her backwards towards the bed, and she definitely didn’t stop him when his hands pulled up on the hem of her sweater. She reached for the button on his jeans in retaliation, and the sounds he made were melodic, more beautiful than any song she’d ever heard.

“Ro,” he panted, rubbing over the fleshy part of her stomach with his thumb, “can I please….”

“Yes,” she breathed into his neck, “please, take it off."

She lifted her arms above her head, and Harry slowly tugged the material off of her, leaving her in nothing but her leggings and bralette. As soon as her shirt hit the floor, his hands were all over her; rubbing at her chest, latching onto her hips, even flicking at her nipples with his thumbs through the thin fabric.

Rosie tugged at one of the strings on Harry’s hoodie. “Take this off,” she demanded.

He complied, whipping his sweatshirt and t-shirt off in one go. She gawked at the way his tattoos looked in the candlelight, shadows flickering over the black ink in a dizzying motion. She couldn't decide if she wanted to stare at him or cover him in kisses.

She settled on the latter, sinking to her knees and pulling him forward by the backs of his thighs. Harry clearly hadn’t expected this, as he stumbled forward and nearly kneed Rosie in the chin.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Rosie couldn’t respond. She was too busy craning her neck to reach the center of Harry’s stomach. She placed one firm kiss to the patch of soft skin directly above his navel, and then she worked her way down with lighter, more delicate brushes of her lips. One of Harry’s hands reached down to tangle into her hair and gently press against the back of her head, guiding her downwards towards the waistband of his jeans.

“This okay?” She asked, fingers hesitantly brushing along his zipper. She could already tell that he was aroused, if the growing bulge under her hand was any indication.

“Yeah!” He panted, nodding vigorously, “please, yeah, ‘s fine.”

Getting his jeans off was difficult. They weren’t as tight as he used to wear them, but they still caught around his ankles and forced him to balance on one leg at a time to pull them off of his feet. Rosie had to scoot backwards slightly to give him more space.

As soon as they were off and flung across the room, she crawled back forward and drank in how appetizing he looked. He was swollen and leaking under his boxer briefs; a small wet patch leaking through where his head strained against the fabric.

Harry was breathing in broken puffs, the anticipation causing his chest to heave. Rosie watched as he reached down and pulled himself out of his underwear, sighing out loud when he gave himself a few short pumps. The bulbous head of his cock was a bright cherry color, while his strong shaft faded into a lighter pink. His foreskin had already been pushed down from the fisted grip he had on himself.

Her hand reached out to cover his. She followed his movements as he jerked himself off, marvelling at the way his thighs shook with each brush over the tip. The precum that hadn’t leaked into his boxers was now spread all around him, and the wet noises that his hand made with each movement were practically sinful.

Harry moved his hands away the moment Rosie leaned forward to suck part of him into her mouth, choosing instead to once again bury them into her hair. The pressure of his hands wasn’t forceful, but comforting. He would press her head forward just as his hips would shift, fucking into her mouth gently and slowly. Rosie closed her eyes, toying with the band of his boxers that were still tight around his thighs as the weight of him slid heavily against her tongue.

“Rosie,” he mumbled halting his movements. She let him drop from her mouth to peer up at his face, nearly moaning at the sight of his flushed chest and the thin sheen of sweat that glinted off of his skin. “Gonna cum soon… I don’t know if… did you, like, want to have sex?”

Rosie wanted to, she really did, but she was also hyper-aware that they were both still rather tipsy. She knew that if she had sex with him tonight, she might regret it in the morning. They hadn’t even had a conversation about what they were doing.

“Is it okay if we don’t?” She asked.

“Of course!” Harry gushed. “Not gonna do anything you don’t wanna do. I mean, obviously.”

“Okay, thank you,” she mumbled. She reached up to grab onto his cock again, squeezing it slightly. Small bubbles of liquid were dribbling from the tip, and she couldn’t peel her eyes away from the way they dripped down the underside and soaked into the small mousey hairs gathered at the base.

“Don’t thank me,” he muttered, closing his eyes at the feel of her fingers on him.

“Gonna help you finish,” she stated, pressing her mouth against his hip. “Then… will you maybe… just touch me a little?”

“Can do that,” he nodded, his jaw noticeably tightening. He bent his torso forward slightly to reach the hooks at the back of her bralette, fumbling with the delicate lace before pulling it open. It fell forward into the crooks of her elbows, and she quickly discarded it onto the floor.

The heat pooling between Rosie’s legs was slowly becoming unbearable, and Harry undressing her while she was still on her knees was making her impatient. She could already tell that she’d soaked through her underwear, so she hurriedly put Harry back into her mouth.

“Whoa,” he gasped, “slow, slower, Rosie. Promise I’ll touch you as soon as I’m done.”

He rubbed a finger soothingly along her jaw, encouraging her to open her lips wider. He went back to moving in and out of her mouth, pushing a little bit deeper down her throat with each thrust, but never to the point where she felt like she was going to gag.

“‘M about to cum, Rosie! ‘M gonna….” He warned not two minutes later. “Fuck!”

He was partially pulled out of her when spurts of salty, warm cum burst from him. Most of it landed on her tongue, but a few drips escaped over her lips, leaking down her chin and onto the floor beneath her.

Neither of them spoke for a few moments. The air surrounding them was musty and dense.

“Let’s move to the bed, yeah?” Harry requested tenderly, tucking himself back into his briefs. He gripped her hand in his own and pulled her to her feet. “You’ve got a bit of….”

He swiped his tongue out over her lips, lapping up the remnants of his orgasm from her skin. The open-mouthed kisses soon moved down her chin, over her jaw, and into the dip where her neck met her shoulder. He shuffled them both sideways until they fell unceremoniously onto her bed.

“Oof,” Rosie grunted, grimacing as her breasts bounced a little bit too heavily from the impact. This seemed to catch Harry’s attention, as he immediately moved to press his face into her chest, nipping at the skin above her cleavage.

“These are so nice,” he complimented, taking a breast into each of his hands.

“Thanks, grew them myself,” Rosie sighed.

“God,” Harry choked out a short laugh, “shut up, will you?”

And she did shut up, but only because he was petting her over her leggings and she thought she might scream if she opened her mouth.  

It felt amazing, but Rosie knew that she needed something more. She let out a small noise, pushing her leggings and underwear down slightly. Harry smiled, leaning back to pull them fully off of her legs.

“Harry,” she whispered. His calloused fingers brushed over inner thigh.

“Everything okay?” He asked, meeting her stare.

“Yeah, just,” she gulped. “I’m probably gonna be pretty quiet, but it’s not because it doesn’t feel good! I just need to… focus.”

“Okay,” he laughed, “good to know.”

“Wait!” She said just as is hand shifted closer to her center. “I haven’t… shaved in a long time. It’s just, it’s Winter and I wasn’t expecting-”

“Rosie,” he deadpanned, “I’ve literally never cared about anything less.”

And then he was touching her. He played her like a musical instrument, plucking at her clit with his thumb and slowly moving his fingers in and out of her. He was tucked into her side, using one of his legs to hold hers open. His head dipped slightly so he could wrap his lips around the nipple closest to him. Everything about him was soft and slow; purposeful and skilled.

The pads of fingers were rough and calloused, and Rosie closed her eyes at the feeling. She felt her legs twitch every time he brushed over a particularly sensitive spot, and her stomach clenched every time he bit down on her nipple. It was sure to feel bruised tomorrow, but she didn’t mind.

“Hm?” Harry hummed when Rosie sucked in a particularly sharp breath.

“‘M good,” she assured him, “feels good.”

She could feel his eyes on her face, gauging her reaction to his touch. His movements were calculated; curious fingers exploring her inside and out.

Rosie came quickly, euphoria taking over her body as Harry continued working her through her orgasm. Her back arched off of the bed, and Harry eagerly kissed at her neck as she threw her head back. As soon as it felt too sensitive, she grabbed onto his wrist to halt his movements.

A giggle escaped her lips as Harry wiped his fingers on his bare thigh. He had a silly, satisfied smile plastered across his cheeks, and he shifted them both so that he had an arm wrapped around her shoulders. Now that neither of them were moving, the cold air was freezing against their exposed skin. Rosie quickly pulled her covers over them.

They stayed like that for a while, occasionally nuzzling closer for warmth or pressing small kisses wherever they could reach. Rosie felt dopey; cuddling with Harry post-orgasm was the most addicting drug she’d ever consumed.

She never wanted to move, but Buddy started yelping desperately at the door. She groaned, burying her face into Harry’s shoulder. He pouted when she pulled herself up into a sitting position.

“I need to take him outside,” she frowned.

“I’ll come with,” Harry announced.

After they haphazardly threw on some clothes (Harry had borrowed some of her sweatpants and his sweatshirt was inside out and backwards, and Rosie wasn’t wearing any underwear), they found themselves shivering outside while they waited for Buddy to finish. Despite their impatience, Buddy had decided to take his time, sniffing every single thing that his nose could reach.

“If it weren’t so bloody cold, this might be romantic,” Harry pointed out.

Rosie raised her eyebrows. This was the closest they’d come to actually addressing... everything, but she was still feeling a little bit wine-buzzed, and didn’t want to start a conversation she couldn’t finish. However, it did feel a bit romantic. Snow was falling in large, fluffy clumps, and the combination of streetlight and moonlight was casting a soft glow over Harry’s face.

“I think my brain is numb,” Rosie told him, deflecting from his previous statement.

“‘Cause of the cold, or something else?” Harry snickered, leaning over to bump his shoulder into hers.

“The cold, Harry,” she rolled her eyes. Harry continued laughing at her, so she ignored him while Buddy finished up. As soon as he was done, Rosie was making a beeline towards her door.

Harry was hot on her heels. “I know it’s not much warmer inside, but anything is better than this,” he stated, blinking his eyes against the wind. “Hopefully the power comes back on soon.”

Rosie hummed in agreement, twisting the handle and letting them back inside. It was just a short climb up the stairs, but Harry placed his hand on the small of her back to help her keep her balance. She could practically feel the heat of his skin burn through the thick layers she had on.

As soon as they were back in her flat, Rosie looked at him. His cheeks were flushed red and his nose looked a bit runny, but it was cute when he scrunched up his face, and she loved the way his hair looked when he pulled off his beanie, sticking out in nearly every direction as if he’d been electrocuted.  

She stepped up to place a quick peck against his lips, but Harry prolonged it, following her movements as she went to pull away.

“Mmm,” Harry hummed against her mouth. “What was that for, hm?”

“Just trying to be a good hostess,” Rosie breathed. Their closeness was dizzying.

“Ah, I see,” he grinned, “do you give all of your guests this kind of treatment?”

“Oh yes, absolutely,” she teased, pulling away and stepping back to finish unzipping her coat. Harry frowned.

“Heeeey,” his hands latched onto her forearms, pulling her back into his chest. “‘S rude,”

He nudged her fingers out of the way and dragged her zipper the rest of the way down for her. His tongue poked out from between his lip as he concentrated on not getting any fabric caught between the tines.

They moved slowly while they got ready for bed, partly because Harry refused to take his hands off of her, but also because they were exhausted. While Harry finished wiping down Buddy’s feet, Rosie walked around her flat to blow out all of the candles apart from the one right by her bed. Once Harry stripped down to nothing but his sweatpants, and Rosie had changed into an oversized t-shirt, they sluggishly crawled under the blankets.

“Erm, I can sleep here, right?” Harry asked, picking at the corner of the covers. “I can still sleep on the couch if you want me to.”

“Harry,” Rosie smiled, shaking her her head, “you’re obviously sleeping here. Now pull the covers back up, you’re letting the cold air in.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, instantly scooching down in the bed and curling himself around her. She leaned over his frame to blow out the last remaining candle, and then burrowed herself into his arms.

Harry’s hands were icicles against her bare hips, and hers were frigid against his back, but it was the kind of cold where it was comfortable; the kind where they both knew that as long as they stayed pressed together, their hands would warm up against each others’ skin.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” Harry whispered, so quietly that Rosie could have dreamed it.

“Always welcome here….” she returned as she began to drift off. She thought she heard him start to say something else, but her eyelids suddenly felt ten times heavier, and Harry’s thumb circling her hipbone was almost too soothing. Rosie drifted off to the soft rumble of his voice, and the rough texture of his fingertips on her skin.

~~~

Rosie woke up the same way she does nearly every morning: a wet, cold tongue lapping at her cheek. She forced herself to peel her eyes open, and found herself nose to nose with Buddy, who was wagging his tail expentently.

As more and more of her senses returned, she became acutely aware of Harry’s hand on her hip. His chest was pressed snugly to her back, and small puffs of air were hitting her scalp where his face was nestled into her hair. A smile crept up her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to settle into his warmth, but Buddy was growing increasingly impatient, letting out small whines and shifting his feet on Rosie’s leg.

Not wanting to wake Harry, Rosie gently lifted Harry’s arm enough to slide out without disturbing him. He shifted slightly, pulling the covers closer to his chin and letting out a small affronted sound, but thankfully, he stayed asleep.

The power must have turned back on overnight, because her flat was suddenly a comfortable temperature. Rosie let out a sigh at the thought of finally being able to lounge around comfortably.

“Hey boy,” she whispered, unhooking Buddy’s leash from the hook by the door. She held it out towards him and he pranced over to her, exposing his neck so that Rosie could attach the leash to his collar. “Wanna go for a walk?”

The moment she stepped out of the complex, her lips curled into a snarl. Snow certainly looks nice, but she hated the way that the small frozen particles scratched at her skin in the wind, and she definitely didn’t like how it hurt to breath in through her nose. Buddy didn’t seem to mind, already sniffing around to find a suitable place to do his business.

Once he was finished, Rosie decided that she would only take him around the block once. Normally, she’d go longer, but the bitterness in the air and the promise of returning home to Harry made her want to rush. She would take Buddy on an extra long walk later on.

Harry was just as she left him when she got back into her flat, but this time, his hooded eyes were blinking rapidly in the sunlight.

“Mmm, hi,” he groaned, raising his arms above his head in a stretch.

“Morning,” Rosie replied, eyes lingering on his biceps that were peeking out from under her bedsheets. “Sorry if I woke you, Buddy needed to go out. You can go back to sleep if you want.”

“‘M up now,” he grunted, “you should come back over here….”

His tone was soft and inviting, and an involuntary flush crept up Rosie’s cheeks. Remembering how warm he’d felt pressed up against her left a chill over her skin that rivaled the biting cold outside. She quickly bent down to untie her snow boots, trying to hide her reddening face from him.

“Please?” Harry whined when she didn’t respond. “‘S cold, and you’re warm.”

“Shouldn’t you get up too, H?” She raised an eyebrow at him, “the plows have already been through, so you should probably call the locksmith to get your car open.”

“Yeah,” he muttered indifferently.

Rosie knew that the moment she looked at him, she’d be a goner, and while she normally doesn’t like to get back in bed after moving around, she was going to have to make an exception. Just as she’d suspected, as soon as she settled her gaze on where he was laying in bed, she was met with puppy-dog eyes and an outreached hand.

“Fine,” she relented. “Let me just get my coat off.”

“You can take off everything else too, if you’d like,” Harry called out. “I wouldn’t mind!”

“Stop flirting with me!” Rosie grinned, giddiness seeping into her bloodstream. She felt jittery, excited, and far too focused, as if she’d just gulped down three cups of coffee.

“Think we’re a bit past that, Ro.”

Rosie huffed playfully, going to set her sopping boots and coat on top of the radiator by the window. There was nothing more pleasant than putting on warm, dry boots before heading out into the winter. As she was walking across the room, she noticed Harry’s jacket thrown across the floor, so she picked it up to place on the heater as well.

Just as she was shaking it out to set down, something heavy fell out of his pocket and hit the floor with a thud. Rosie’s eyes widened as she bent down to pick up the set of keys, dangling it over her pointer finger. Not only were his car keys attached, but a key nearly identical to her own hung from the collection.

“What was….” Harry trailed off after seeing what she held in her hand, “...that… um….”

“So you weren’t locked out after all?” Rosie bit out. She felt heat creep up her back and over her shoulders, the giddiness she had felt just moments ago giving way to disbelief. He had lied to her.

“Um, no, I wasn’t,” Harry admitted with a sigh, scratching at the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact with her. “I… I was just….”

Rosie threw the keys onto the table. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, but she knew she had to do something, so she began to organize the blankets that she’d set out on the couch for Harry. Blankets that had gone unused.

“Just what?” Rosie snapped. “Just coming over to see if you could get me in bed with you? Is that what this is?”

“What? No, Ro. Absolutely not!” He threw the covers from his lap, rushing to his feet. Rosie stormed over to the closet and shoved the blankets inside, closing it more harshly than she normally would. When she turned back around, Harry was already walking towards her, a wild glint in his eyes.

“Well you did a mighty fine job, Harry,” Rosie seethed, ignoring his attempt to brush his hand along her arm. “Managed to get my clothes off, on my knees for you. You must be so proud of yourself.”

“Rosie, no,” he pleaded, gently wrapping his fingers around her bicep to keep her still. “I swear, I would never do something like that. I wasn’t trying to trick you, or anything of the sort!”

“Then why lie about being locked out?” She demanded. “This… last night was a mist-”

“No!” Harry begged, cutting her off. “Please don’t say it was a mistake… it… it wasn’t-”

“And what about all of the other times?” Rosie interrupted. “Were you ever actually locked out of your flat, or were you just trying to… I dunno… wear me down?”

“How could you even think that?” Harry growled, his desperation morphing into something else entirely. He tugged at the ends of his hair with the hand that wasn’t gripping her arm, his eyes closing in exasperation. “I care about you so much.”

“So this is the only time you’ve lied?” She challenged, watching as his jaw flexed.

“Erm… not exactly,” Rosie went to tug her arm out of his hold, but Harry stepped closer, not allowing her to storm off like she’d planned. “But it’s not what you think! The first time, I really was locked out. It’s just… you were so sweet to me, I- I wanted to spend more time with you, that’s all.”

“You could have just knocked on my door,” she narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t need to lie to me to spend time with me.”

“I know,” he rubbed a hand over his face. The tips of his ears were tinged bright red.

“I… I really don’t appreciate dishonesty-”

“I was nervous!” Harry exploded. Buddy yelped on the bed, stressed out due to the tension in the room, and Rosie took a short step back, not expecting him to be so loud. “You… you make me so nervous. Like, when Mr. Goldman moved out of this place, I had never even thought about anyone new moving in, let alone a cute girl…. Like, Ro, I’m not even kidding, I’ve had a crush on you since I first met you.”

“You… you could’ve-”

“And I know I’m shit for being dishonest, but fuck, you took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to do,” he admitted, looking down at their feet. “I never meant to upset you, I really just wanted to get to know you better. And then, once I started… I couldn’t stop.”

“Harry,” Rosie breathed brokenly, the air getting caught in her throat. “I don’t really… know what to say.”

“Just… say you forgive me?” he asked, his gaze lifting to flit around her face for any indication that she understood. “I’m so sorry.”

And then Rosie was laughing. It was definitely not an appropriate time, but she couldn’t contain her giggles. So many conflicting emotions were rushing through her; excitement, anxiety, relief, frustration. It was overwhelming.

“Um,” Harry watched owlishly as Rosie bent over to grip her knees, overcome by fits of laughter. “I’m... uh….”

“God,” she choked out finally, “you are such an idiot, Harry!”

“I’m… sorry?”

“No! I don’t mean, like, literally.” Rosie forced herself to stop laughing, but was unable to wash the smile off of her face. Harry looked both impatient and perplexed. “It’s just… hilarious. You could’ve asked me out that very first time and I would’ve said yes.”

A slow smile crept up Harry’s cheeks.

“And I’m sorry for laughing, it’s just,” Rosie continued, “it’s so simple, and we’re so fucking dramatic.”

Harry started laughing then, too. He dragged a hand all the way down his face, rubbing at his tightly closed eyes before blinking them back open to stare at her.

“So, just to clarify here,” he started. Rosie launched into another set of quiet giggles when she saw the ghost of a smirk on his lips. “You… would go out with me.”

“Yes, Harry,” she replied, “for fucks sake, I like you so much. Thought it was obvious.”

“I thought I was the one being obvious!” His shoulders sagged as the tension left his body. “We’re both idiots.”

“So stupid,” Rosie agreed.

“And god, so fucking oblivious,” he added.

“So oblivious.”

“And we’re also… getting dinner tonight?”

“Going on a date,” she confirmed.

“Yeah,” his smile was so wide, she probably could have counted all of his teeth. “That, a date.”

“Yeah,” Rosie beamed back at him, twiddling her fingers together, “so… you should probably go, then. And maybe, I dunno, put some clothes on?”

Harry glanced down as if he’d forgotten that he was shirtless. “Might be a good idea.”

Rosie leaned back against the wall as Harry gathered his things. Somehow, the handful of belongings that he’d brought had scattered all around her flat: his phone charger, his sweatshirt, his beanie. One of his socks was on the other side of the room, it’s partner stuffed into one of his boots. It didn’t help that Rosie was also disorganized; Harry was forced to move piles of her things aside to reach his own.

Finally, he’d collected everything into his arms. Rosie opened the door for him, but he lingered in the doorway, leaning back onto his heels and rubbing his lips together.

“Well I guess, erm, I’ll just see you later?” he raised an eyebrow.

“You will,” Rosie confirmed. “6:00, somewhere we could walk to?”

“Sure,” Harry said. They were engulfed in an awkward silence, and there was nothing else to do but stare. “Uh, bye then?”

“Bye,” Rosie repeated quietly, shutting the door as soon as he’d turned around.

She pressed her back against the door with a huff, mind reeling from everything that had happened. It had all gone down in such a short period of time, it almost didn’t seem real. Had Harry really dragged his lips all over her body, or had that been her imagination?

She had just started to walk towards the bathroom to check in the mirror for hickeys when a knock sounded on her door. She whipped it open to find a sheepish Harry on the other side. She didn’t know what she expected him to say, but when he finally spoke, there was a twinkle in his eye.

“I… may have forgotten my keys.”

~~~

To those of you made it this far, thank you! I’d love to hear from you if you’re willing to shoot me a message... feedback is key, after all! 

xxxooo Tile

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry #styles #harry styles fanfiction #friends to lovers #SILO

[fashournalist]

Thank you, Isentia Content Hub: An open letter to my colleagues.

Eleven days ago, it has exactly been two years since I first started working at Isentia. I remember feeling scared whether I’d belong, and what kind of people I’ll be working with. I remember I kept telling myself “Bawal maattach, Grace, as some alumni have said, when you enter the real world, you’re there to work. Just do your job well and be a team player, but don’t invest your emotions.” But here I am, after two years, with so many beautiful memories with amazing people. I did get attached after all, and it’s worth it. Because I did not only have colleagues, I met a new family.

This was my open letter to Content Hub, which I hesitated to send at first after writing, because it’s too long. But thankfully, two of my teammates encouraged me to send it because they said what matters is I wrote it from my heart and it’s my farewell message to my friends. (I was one of the employees who got laid off.) It was here that I learned tears are really contagious, because after sending this letter, I received texts saying they shed a tear, too. Perhaps that’s because when I wrote it, I was shedding tears myself. Why do I feel like graduating from high school? Haha! I guess this is how close we have been. So here goes my letter, and pictures of some of the memories we have made. :)

Dear Content Hub,

This August 20, it has been exactly two years since I started working at Isentia. And now, 731 days and 41,283 summaries later, I just finished my last working day as a Broadcast Monitor. Permit me to be cheesy, I just want to thank the amazing people who made the past two years a memorable journey. I apologize in advance for the length of this email, but please know this letter came from my heart.

I'm really blessed that I got to work with you. I did not only have colleagues, I had a family. That is why whenever I reached the office, my update to my parents has always been "Happy place". It meant I arrived safely, I'm at OSMA already. And I know there have been hardships, times heartbreaking news crushed me, or times I went home way past my shift. Yet whenever I was on my home, no matter how tired I got, I just looked forward to facing the next day and working again. If world news were a play, we all get front row seats, binge-watching current events for at least 40 hours a week. It genuinely excited me that our job allows us to literally learn something new every day. But, I don't feel that way all the time; sometimes I just have burnouts and frustrations. So I think the real major reason that kept me going through it all is I had colleagues as supportive as you guys are. Allow me to thank you.

To Sydney Swans, my first team. 

Working with helpful teammates like you added to my motivation as I traveled from LB to Ortigas every day for five months (when I was not yet able to find an apartment in Manila). Thank you for your devotion to Qld Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. It showed me what client-obsessed looks like, and I committed to following that example. Your compere inside jokes and reactions to news added a lot of fun to our job. Until now, I enjoy backreading the group chat just to see your new musings or memes. Thanks a lot especially to John, Julianne, Zennon, Marco, and Kuya Ronnie.

To Fremantle Dockers, my afternoon shift team for more than a year, 

Thank you for everything; for being supportive colleagues, helping me whenever I struggled, and celebrating with me whenever I improved. 

Kuya Coily’s last day at our team.

How we help one another, especially during the Christmas dinner just so everyone can go to Sambokojin on time, inspires me. This was our post-Sambo bonding at Greenfield. I am also relieved that you never judged me as “walang pakisama” even though I only drank iced tea or milkshake haha. Others tend to force me to drink, but my friends at Isentia just let me finish all the food. HAHA. I appreciate people who can respect our preferences and differences. And you are witnesses that I don’t need to drink to be drunk. Based on my energy, I am drunk by default. Haha I will miss all these sessions with you and my batchmates!

I will miss our movie nights and billiard sessions (tho I'm just watching you haha) at the lounge. I wish we played more board games, too.

Isentia Outing 2019

Thank you so much also for being there for me when I lost my mother, you had my back and that will always mean a lot to me. When my Momi was still alive, she always knew I was working with great people. Thank you to every single one of you especially AJ, Morris, Evann, Aly and Kuya Mel. 

I look forward to a Dockers reunion when this pandemic is over! 

And my favorite teammate, Czesar. The best meetings are the ones you participated in. Thank you for all the laughter you gave us. 

I also want to thank my friends outside my team, including Tomie, Zendee, LA and Nico from Collingwood Magpies. 

Thank you for the dinner sessions and conversations on life and dreams!

This was LA’s birthday salubong at Kanto Breakfast :) While the next photo is a “panel discussion” at Goto Believe haha! We talked about the news we monitored, and boi, we went home at almost 5am.

Tomie, thank you for our never-ending laughter on our way home. Normally, I just want to be quiet and regain energy while traveling, but with you, it's okay to chat all the way to Quiapo.

To my favourite comperes, who will not read this but I feel like thanking anyway because some of you might share love for them: Marc Fennell, Jan Fran, Kanoa Lloyd, Jules Schiller, Sonya Feldhoff, Anna Vidot, Dave Sutherland, Tamara Oudyn, Sammy J, Paul Barry, Jeremy Corbett, David Speers, Leigh Sales and my inspiration Jesse Mulligan. Thank you because I learned so much about the world and about life from you. I will miss blogging about your stories and reacting to your insights.

To the leaders who managed me and/or accommodated my concerns, 

This is my former TL, Kuya Coily :)

TL Coily, TL Angel, TL Rem, TL Nico, TL Nic, TL Jonna, TL Geoff, TL Alni, and Sup Mitch. Thank you for all your help! Thank you for the times you inspired me and my colleagues to grow as well as the times you coached me, gave constructive feedback, and helped me overcome my weaknesses so I can continuously improve. 

To our Trainer Rachel, who we can consider as Content Hub's matriarch, 

thank you so much because you patiently equipped every single one of us before we transitioned to live operations. To OM Dean, thank you for your feedback and praise during my regularisation.

And most of all, to Western Borlogs fam, my home for two years, I don't even know how to thank you enough. 

I'm grateful you've been my batchmates at our training--and for everything after that. 

Isentia Outing 2019

Sibyullee, farewell samgyup party for Jai (her last day in the company)

Seoulgyupsal, farewell samgyup party for Aiona (before she flew to Spain to teach)

office memories :)

Pantry catch-ups. I usually eat at my desk because of all the work but I’m grateful for the times I was able to join their dinner breaks hehe.

Sambokojin, Christmas dinner 2019

Dear Borlogs, thank you for all the memories, endless laughter, samgyup sessions (a regular segment haha), Friday nights, and times we comforted each other when some of us are facing a hard time. Thank you also for comforting me and my family when you and B visited the wake of my Momi. She has always heard about you (and I'm happy she met some of you) when she was still alive. Thank you for being such a great sounding board, a safe space where we can be vulnerable and strong at the same time. Also, I've never been a milk tea person until I met you guys, so thanks for that, too. My BM experience would not be the same without you. Naz, Janelle, Joey, Patty, Billie, Lou, Aiona, Jai, Nee, Mau, C, Ady, Sarah. Thank you, sists!!

If you've read until here, thank you for bearing with my lengthy cheesy, farewell note to Content Hub. I attached some photos that captured a few of the memories I spent with you, as well as some jokes I've randomly thought about while monitoring. I was reserving them for Christmas Party or something, but anyway, here they are. I am confident they will make you cringe.

So there, I will miss you and I appreciate you always. I will not forget the memories we've made along the way. Thank you for everything, Isentia Content Hub! God bless you all and stay safe.

Arrivederci :)

Always,

Grace / Mariel

(this was me when I graduated from training and was so excited to be part of Content Hub haha)

PS. Thank you to Janelle, Jai, Joey, Jai, Kuya Coily, LA, Zendee, Dots and Troy for the photos!

PPS. Thank you so much for your heartwarming replies!!! And the food/gifts some of you sent!! I love you guys. (There, I said it. Haha! I was too shy to put that sentence in the email I sent. But this is my blog, I can write what my heart says without holding back)

^letter from AJ with a Bebi plant. She sent me oatmeal cookies and three novels too huehue she knows my weaknesses well haha thankuu ajj

^Matchaaaa from Patty thank you sist! <33

^Carbonaraaaa from Tomiee thank you siz!!!

Thank you to every single one of you. I was emotional when I wrote the open letter, but I got more nostalgic when I read your responses. I will always be thankful for the privilege of working with you and being your friend. Keep in touch, okay? We’ll still meet again. :)

Love,

Grace

#memories #grateful #work #job #Isentia #happy place #journey #personal #life #blog post #open letter #letter #colleagues #article #photojournal #thank you

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Twenty Eight

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

February 26th, 2019

Dee didn’t know how he was going to do this, but he knew that he had to. Mama had been lying around staring at nothing for far too long. He needed to find help for her that wouldn’t involve him getting taken away. She needed to stop taking pills.

He resolved that if she didn’t stop for the next two days, he’d strike out and find someone who could help. He tried to stop scratching his cheek. He needed more eczema cream, that’s what started this whole thing in the first place. It was starting to hurt, the itching. He needed a break. He needed someone looking after him.

He needed his Mama back.

June 17th, 2019

Dee looked up at the big building nervously and grabbed the hem of Ami’s shirt tightly. He didn’t want to go in, but he knew he had to. Today was the first full week after school had ended for everyone else, and he had to be enrolled in summer school to catch up with all the other six-year-olds he was going to meet in the first grade. He didn’t like the prospect at all, though. Hours upon hours away from Dad and Ami, he didn’t like the thought. His brothers, he could live without for a few hours, because that’s just how school worked for them.

But here? Here he couldn’t have his parents. He would have maybe one person who knew sign language, and that was the translator for his teacher. Provided they finally got the translator. The faculty seemed insistent that because Dee could speak, that meant he had to. He held onto Ami’s shirt tighter as they entered the huge school.

They walked through near-empty hallways all the way to a classroom at the very end of the school, which was filled with bright colors and kids who were already fighting over crayons. He looked up at Ami with desperate, wide eyes. “Please don’t make me go in,” he whispered in Ami’s ear when Ami bent down.

“You know I have to, Dee. You can read a little but the state will need more than a little to keep you out of remedial classes. There’s nothing bad with those if you need them, but the point of this is to not need them, right?” Ami said, squeezing his shoulder.

Dee felt like he might cry. It was too hot to wear his villain gloves, and besides, he didn’t really want to lose them or worse, have them stolen. But that meant he was without his biggest comfort. And if he couldn’t have even his villain gloves, he definitely couldn’t have Fangs.

Ami led him into the class room and immediately one of the kids pointed at him and yelled, “Gross! What’s wrong with his face?!”

Dee looked up at Ami in dismay. Ami’s face was cold as he leveled the other boy with a glare. “He has eczema. And no, it’s not contagious, so I don’t want you avoiding him just because you’re worried about ‘catching’ it.”

The boy looked between Ami and Dee and Dee forced himself to stay still under the glare he was receiving. “You don’t look anything like him. Are you adopted?” the boy sneered.

Dee shuffled closer to Ami as Ami said, “Actually, he takes more after his other dad than me,” in a cheerful tone. “Dee, you’re going to be fine, all right?”

“What kind of name is Dee?” the boy laughed.

“James, that’s quite enough,” a woman, who Dee assumed was the teacher, said to the bully. She turned to Dee. “You must be Deagan. Your translator is running a little late, but should be here before class starts.”

Ami put a hand on Dee’s shoulder and said, “He prefers to be called Dee. I’m glad they finally got a translator.”

The teacher nodded. “The district tries to save money wherever they can, so they push hard against accommodations like extra staff, but I was working to make sure you got one too, because I am far from fluent in American Sign Language.”

Dee offered her a hesitant smile. She, at least, seemed nice enough.

The teacher smiled back at him and gestured to the tables. “I haven’t assigned anyone seats yet, so you can sit wherever you like.”

Dee took a look at the tables, and then glanced at Ami. He still really didn’t want Ami to leave. What if he never came back? But Ami was leaning down to hug him, so Dee hugged him back, signed “I love you,” and went to sit at the front of the class.

When Dee sat down, a girl sitting next to him with blonde hair in two pigtails looked at him. “You have two dads?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Cool! I have two moms!” she chirped. “And one of them is Deaf. I didn't realize that I might know someone else who knows ASL just by coming to school!”

Dee shrugged and nodded. He didn't really know what to say, he wasn't expecting anyone would understand him if he signed.

“My name's Lucy,” she said, sticking her hand out.

Dee signed his name and shook her hand solemnly.

“I like you, Dee,” she said.

The teacher walked up to the front of the class and said, “All right, listen up, kids! My name is Misses Jones, and I'll be your teacher for the summer. I'm hoping that all of you will be ready for first grade by the time we finish class at the end of the summer.”

Dee could hear James and another boy shoving each other behind them but he tried to ignore them. He sensed that if he looked at them, they would only make fun of him more, and that’s the last thing that he wanted. Misses Jones seemed to be ignoring them, so he would too.

As the class started, Dee and Lucy got to know each other a little better when Misses Jones let everyone introduce themselves. Lucy was the only one who knew sign language, and the translator was running a bit behind. When he finally dashed into the room, apologizing profusely, Misses Jones grabbed everyone’s attention again and began to go over the basics of the alphabet. Dee realized she must have been stalling for the translator, and he was oddly touched by the gesture.

Summer school was only three hours of the day, instead of six, so he got to go home to have lunch. He was worried as he walked out of the school with the rest of the class and stuck close to Lucy. What if Ami didn’t come back? What if the others decided to leave him like Mama did? There were too many variables, and he didn’t like any of them.

But not only was Ami there outside the school building, but Dad was too, as well as Logan. He tugged Lucy’s shirt sleeve and signed, “That’s my family over there! Do you want to say hi?”

She grinned wide. “Sure! My moms are right next to them, too!”

Dee looked at the two woman standing next to Ami. One of them had a full face of makeup and a leather jacket, while the other wore a flowery dress and combat boots. It was an interesting combination, but Dee wasn’t complaining. He led Lucy to Logan and signed, “I made a friend at school, her name is Lucy.”

Logan smiled. “See? School isn’t that bad! It’s nice to meet you Lucy.”

“Nice to meet you!” she chirped. “Your brother’s really nice! He and I got to sign to each other a lot today!”

Logan’s eyebrows shot up. “You know sign?” he asked, hands moving in a flurry to get the words out.

She nodded, beaming. “My mom is Deaf,” she signed back.

Logan offered her a smile. “It’s nice to know Dee has someone to talk to in class besides the translator,” he signed.

Lucy nodded again, turning to Dee. “Do you want to meet my moms?”

Dee nodded and Lucy led him over to the two woman just a few feet away. She started signing animatedly immediately. “Mom! I met a boy who knows ASL in class today! His name is Dee, he’s super nice!”

The woman with makeup smiled and signed directly to Dee. “It’s nice to meet you, Dee.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dee signed back.

“Are you Deaf?” she signed.

“No, but I don’t like speaking. My dad says I’m selectively mute,” Dee explained.

The woman nodded. “Have you used ASL most of your life, then?”

“For as long as I can remember,” Dee confirmed with a nod.

The other woman waved her arm and signed, “It’s very nice to meet you, Dee, but we have to get Lucy home. Her aunt and uncle are coming over to visit.”

Lucy’s eyes lit up. “I forgot about that!” she signed.

The woman laughed, her voice light like tinkling bells. “I figured you would. Don’t worry, you can see Dee tomorrow at school, okay?” she signed.

Lucy nodded and turned to Dee. “Is it okay if I hug you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Dee signed with a shrug.

Lucy hugged him tight and he hugged her back. They both grinned when they took a step back. “See you tomorrow, Dee!”

“See you tomorrow,” Dee signed happily.

As they walked away and Dee waved goodbye, it occurred to him that his family might not know what he had learned! He ran over to Logan, signing his name over and over. “Logan! Logan! Logan!”

Logan looked vaguely amused as he asked, “Yeah, Dee?”

“Did you know that the alphabet has a specific order?!” Dee asked. “Like, there’s a specific order, not just random fingerspelling!”

Logan’s eyes widened comically and Dee giggled as Logan asked, “Really?!”

Dee nodded. “Yeah! It’s super weird, but really cool!” Dee could barely keep his hands from flying everywhere in his excitement.

“Wow! And here I thought the alphabet was just a bunch of letters!” Logan exclaimed.

“No! They have an order! I don’t have the order memorized, not yet, but there’s an order!” Dee explained.

Logan grinned. “Do you want to share your knowledge with the others?”

Dee’s eyes lit up and he nodded. “Yeah! I wanna tell them! Are they at home?”

“Yeah. Waiting for you!” Logan signed.

Dee jumped up and down in a little circle and flapped his hands while a grin split his face. He was so happy right now, he could barely contain it!

Logan led him to the car with a smile, and Dad drove them all home. Dee flapped his hands the entire way home. He was so ecstatic right now, he could practically fly! He burst out of the car when he got home to see Patton and Virgil playing in the yard. He waved his hands to get their attention and ran up to them. “Guys! The alphabet has a specific order!”

“Oh, yeah!” Patton exclaimed. “I remember learning that! Did you know that all the letters make specific sounds, too?”

Dee’s eyes widened. “What?!” he asked.

“Yeah!” Virgil chimed in. “Once you learn the alphabet you get to learn what each letter sounds like! And those sounds put together form words!”

Dee blinked in amazement. “Speaking is weird,” he signed. “But that sounds so cool!”

“It is cool!” Virgil said back. “That’s how most people learn to read! They sound out the words until it’s something they remember saying.”

“I learned to read some words because you guys told me what the words were,” Dee signed, frowning.

“Yeah, but you know what learning to read means, Dee?” Patton asked. “You get to learn words all on your own!”

Dee stood there, well and truly shell-shocked. “I can learn to read new words by myself?!” he asked.

“With a little practice, yeah!” Patton encouraged. “If you want, we can help teach you the sounds of the alphabet! ‘Cause your teacher might not teach that to you quite yet.”

“Yes, please!” Dee signed, grinning wide.

Virgil picked up the soccer ball he and Patton had been kicking around. “Let’s go inside then and pick out some books! We can go over letter sounds when there are words you don’t know!”

The three ran inside, past Roman and Vanellope and up to Patton and Virgil’s room. Dee looked through their books at their encouragement. He didn’t look too long at the Goosebumps books that Virgil read lots, because the covers were creepy. He looked at the books Patton had, and eventually picked out the one he loved to have Patton read to him, the folk tales and fables book.

Together, they got situated on Patton’s bed, and Dee pointed at words he didn’t know. Patton and Virgil would explain what each letter in the word sounded like, and how they all came together to form one word. The vowels were a little confusing, but Dee was excited to get to learn how to read. In a few months, he might even be able to pick out books on his own from the library!

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #deceit sanders #remy sanders #our creations #danger gays

[becuzpurple]

Father’s Day

(an Ed & Kate one-shot)

21 June 2016

Lucy brushed some dirt and debris from the surface of the stone, clearing it for me to place a half dozen red and white tulips across it.  Nathan staked 3 mini Cubs pennants into the soil at its top.  Then we sat, mostly quietly, surrounded by a sea of trees, flowers, and grave markers.  It was a beautiful first day of summer - the peaceful setting lending itself to quiet contemplation.  It was Father’s Day.

When I was a child, and my parents took us to the cemetery to pay respects to our deceased relatives, we’d clean up the gravestones, plant flowers, and say some prayers.  Since Jason’s passing, though, I’ve found that reciting prayers at his gravesite just doesn’t work for me.  It feels almost forced, as if it’s expected, but it holds no actual meaning for me - they’re just empty words.  I completely understand and respect that others find doing this to be very meaningful and comforting, but it just isn’t for me.  

I talk to him instead.  Sometimes I’ll talk to God, too, but more often I talk to Jason - not out loud, but in my head.  I tell him about our lives - stuff with the kids, our family...and I talk to him about Ed, too. As weird as that sounds, I find it to be therapeutic.  It gives me a way to sorting out my joys and worries, my hopes and fears, all without judgement. Sometimes I can imagine his reply.  

It helps.

On that Father’s Day, I shared a secret with him - a big one, that no one but I knew, yet. That would change soon enough, I supposed.  It was strangely comforting to think that I no longer held the secret entirely alone, even if it wasn’t with anyone currently alive.

“Do you think he can see us?  Or hear us?”  Lucy was pulling random weeds and dandelions from around the stone as she spoke, eyes focused downwards.

I paused before answering her.  It’s something I wonder about, too.

“I don’t really know.  But I like to think so.  You know, sometimes, in my head...I talk to him.”  She did look up at me then, and I grimaced in a self-deprecating way...trying to keep things from getting too heavy.  “Is that weird?”

“No, I do that, too.” 

Nate had been quiet, but was nodding in agreement, as well.

Oh, my babies

“I guess...it’s comforting to think that he might hear us.”

“Yeah…”  Lucy nodded and resumed weeding.  

I glanced at Nate, who watched us curiously, also nodding.

“I think he does,” he added softly.

---

We didn’t stay much longer - cemetery visits tend to be emotionally exhausting for us. From there we met my parents at The Pancake House for a Father’s Day brunch.  Filling up on family and sugary, carby comfort food helped us transition from our melancholy moods.  

My dad is the best.  I’ve literally never met anyone who didn’t love him.  He’s smart and funny, yet on the quiet side.  He’s a hard worker and a devoted family man.  He loves baseball, sci-fi, and giant jigsaw puzzles.  He’d do anything for us.  He really stepped up to be there for the three of us after we lost Jason, and I’m so grateful for that.  There is no better father or grandfather out there, so celebrating his awesomeness (on Father’s Day, fur sure, but at other times of the year, too) has become very important to me.

“When does Ed get back, Kate?”  I have to smile at how my mom’s face lights up at the mention of his name - even when she’s the one saying it.  She loves him, and it’s adorable.

“Today, in a few more hours.”

“Ah, good.  I hope things went well for him out there.”

“Yeah, he said they got a lot done,” I shrugged.  “He sounds pretty happy with everything.”

He’d been away for a week, in southern California, working on the next album. From how he described it, it sounded like they were in an absolutely beautiful setting - a gorgeous chalet in a wooded area, a river nearby, and distant mountains.  He’d been with some of his favorite people in the business - people he considers dear friends - and they seemed to have had an abundantly creative and productive week.  He was really pumped about it.

He’d wanted me to go with him, but my schedule just wouldn’t cooperate. The kids started their summer sports and art camps, I had a few looming deadlines for work that couldn’t wait, and I had a doctor appointment mid-week that I didn’t want to put off.  It’s too bad, too - I would have loved to have witnessed their collaborative songwriting in action.

---

That night after the kids were in bed, we’d finally caught each other up on everything - his stories of the last week were much more interesting than the mundane details of my suburban mom life, but, lovely man that he is, he wanted all of them, anyway.  Ed genuinely loves things like that - anything involving family.  Which is a good thing, considering what I was about to drop on him.

“So, I have something for you, but I left it in the bedroom.”  I stood and wagged a finger at him, grinning at his curious, wrinkled brow.  “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

I left him there on the family room couch while I jogged to our room to grab the small, gift-wrapped box I’d been keeping hidden away.

Without a doubt I was dying to finally tell him, but at the same time I almost felt a little sad that it would no longer be my secret.  I laughed to myself at the idea of being possessive of it.  But I’d had a whole week for that - it was time to spill the beans, and giving him the little gift was how I planned to do that.

As soon as I re-entered the room Ed’s eyes zeroed in on the small, prettily-wrapped box in my hand.  Before I even reached the sofa I could see that he was starting to look a little freaked out.  Maybe he had an idea of what this was about.  He knew what day it was, and there I was with a gift for him - it wasn’t a difficult jump to make.  But I know him well enough to see that he was trying not to psych himself up, in case he was wrong.

But he wasn’t wrong.

I re-joined him on the sofa, mirroring his pose by sitting with one leg tucked under the other, our knees touching.

“What-what’s this, then?”  He tried to appear calm and casual, but between the stutter and the wide eyes, it was clear that he was not feeling calm.

My plan had been to not give anything away before he opened the gift, but that all went to pot because I was way too close to falling into a fit of nervous giggles. This was more than obvious to Ed, who was eying me dubiously, waiting for me to say something.

“Umm, this is for you.”  I gave him the neatly wrapped present, about the same size as a watch box.  But there wasn’t a watch inside, nor any other jewelry.

He held it in his hand, just staring at it, eyes wide.  He glanced at me a few times, finally asking, “What is it?”

He was nervous, watching me with barely reined-in wide-eyed excitement.

A few giggles finally spilled loose from me, and I couldn’t stop smiling - I was just as anxious as he was.  Attempting to calm the both of us, I placed my palms flat on his lap, just above his knees, tapping my fingers before murmuring, “Ed.  Open it.”

He took a calming breath and looked down at the box in his hands, again.  Smiling to himself, he began pulling off the ribbon.

“I - I might know what this is about...maybe?  But I also have no idea what’s actually in here.”

“That’s...probably completely accurate.”

“Jesus…”

“Open it.”

“Yeah.” He wore the cutest little grin, and kept shooting small glances at me as he carefully unwrapped the paper from the box.  How he wasn’t tearing it apart I’ll never know.  Maybe he wanted to savor the feeling of anticipation.  Maybe he was a little scared, too.  I know I was.

He removed all of the paper and turned to me with a look of pure bewilderment, holding the unopened box.

“I - I’m nervous to open it...fuck’s wrong with me?”

I gently shook my head, unable to stop grinning. “Nah, you got this.”  I gave his leg a little squeeze, as my hand still rested on it.  “Please open it, though, because I can’t take this much longer.”

He laughed, and then finally opened the lid.  He just stared for a few seconds - no response whatsoever.  I’m not even sure he remembered to breathe.  He blinked several times, and then he smiled - a slow-growing, tentative expression of stunned wonder.

“It’s a pick.”  His eyes lifted to meet mine, his voice barely more than a whisper.

I nodded.

“A ba- we’re gonna...you’re pregnant?” His voice broke on the last word.

I nodded again, my heart pounding with nerves.

“Bloody hell, I knocked you up?!”  He found his voice again, and his accent was much more pronounced than usual.  He looked at me in complete astonishment.

I hiccup-cry-laughed all at once.  “Yeah, you did!”

He glanced down again at the custom-designed guitar pick I got for him while he was away.  “January...”

“My due date is January 12th.”

“January the 12th.  Holy shit, this is for real...”

“This is real, Teddy.”  We shared a tender look at my use of the phrase he’d once used to reassure me when we first started dating.  “We’re going to have a baby.”

We’re gonna have a baby.” He repeated the words slowly, trying them out for the very first time, himself.  “I…I’m going to be a dad.”

There was a sweet shyness in the way he said it, a self-consciousness in saying the words out loud - I’m going to be a dad.

Nodding again, I cupped his jaw in my hand, bringing his earnest, deep blues back to me. “You’re going to be an amazing dad.”

He was quiet, eyes still on mine, listening.

“Your parents did good raising you and Matthew, right?”

“They are literally the best parents, yeah.”

“You’ve been learning your whole life from the best, then.  And I’ve seen you with kids - my kids, your godchildren...Ed, you were meant for this.”

His tentative smile grew, his eyes lit up, and soon his entire body was practically humming with hyper energy.  It must have been contagious, as I was nearly vibrating with giddiness, myself.  I’m sure we looked completely ridiculous beaming at each other like that. Or just deliriously happy.

He tilted his head to the side, eyes on me curiously and gave the sweetest, closed-mouth smile.  “You’re happy Kate?”

“Oh, yeah!  I - well, I’m feeling a lot things right now, but ‘happy’ is definitely at the top of the list.”

My thoughts had been going in so many different directions over the last few days - I was absolutely over-the-moon.  I never thought I’d have any more children, and I was thrilled to get this chance - and with Ed!  It made my heart feel whole and complete.  

But I’d be lying if I said I had no worries.  I’m older now, and that brings more risks to a pregnancy.  Also, there was the fact that Ed and I aren’t married - we’d only been together for six months at that point.  I didn’t know if that would be an issue or not, but I knew it was something we should probably talk about. I also worried that he might not be thrilled with the timing of the pregnancy, relative to his career.

“Me, too!  It’s crazy, right?  I can’t even keep up with everything going through my head right now.”  He huffed out a breath, surely still trying to wrap his head around the news.

“I know.  I mean, the timing isn’t great, like with your work, and-”

“-Oh, no, no,” he interrupted.  “this is everything, and it-it’s perfect.  Like, work is well and good, but this?  Family?  Is what we’re all really here for, right?  To love, and to teach our children to love.  I feel like I’m finally about to really start my life, now - the most important part of it, and I get to do it with you?  I'm - I’m so fucking in love with you, and I'm just...really chuffed right now...”

His voice caught as it trailed off.  He took off his glasses, wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat, and that’s when I started to lose it a little bit, too.

“Baby, stop.”  I sniffled as I shifted closer against him.  He pulled me in even more so that my legs were across his lap, his arms secure around my waist.  

I don’t know how he does it - he has a knack for saying the very thing I need to hear, and even better - he means it every time.  I sent a quick word of thanks to the universe, or maybe it was God (I’m not entirely sure there’s a difference), for somehow bringing us together.  “How’d I get so lucky?”

He pulled back just enough to see my face and wipe a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb.  “I ask myself that same question every single day, sweet girl.”

“I love you, Ed.”

“I know,” he answered, grinning cheekily.

I couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed.  I adore him and I’m happy to say it for the rest of my life.  But there was something else I wanted to say, too.  

“Oh, and one more thing…” I grinned.

“What’s that, love?”

Happy Father’s Day.”

---

just a friendly reminder that I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!  Send me likes, or reblogs, or send Anon questions/comments - these are the only ways I know what you like.

Thanks, guys!

#becausepurple #becuzpurple #ed sheeran #ed sheeran fic #ed sheeran fan fic #ed sheeran fanfiction #ed sheeran fluff #one shot #Ed & Kate #Ed & Kate love story #Happy Father's Day #why do I hurt myself like this?

[hangonimevolving]

Attempting some gratitude, for once.

I need to post this, before the thought and the mood from which it’s sprung both dissipate into thin air.

I suck at gratitude, on the whole. Seriously, I do, and I know I need to work on that. I’ll spare everyone my sob stories, explanations, justifications, etc. for why I have had a hard time with gratitude in recent years, but suffice to say - I am aware that I suck at it, and I heard somewhere that the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.... so fine. I admit it. I’m ungrateful and unappreciative in my life most days.

But today, I’ve had multiple - MULTIPLE - moments of just feeling this weird, inexplicable, warm and fuzzy, happy, sigh-inducing THING just bubble up in me. And I was like WTF is this feeling?! Why is my tummy all glittery and light? Why am I sitting here on the sofa smiling for no damn reason?! OHHHHH! Wait! Is this.....gratitude?! HOLY SHIT, I think it is! So I’m gonna write it down and note it for all posterity. I, Evolver, have felt gratitude on this 7th day of September, 2018.

It all started last Saturday night, where, right in the middle of Labor Day weekend and my sister Rithers’ visit to our hike in Miami along with her hubby, Uncle K, and her kids H20 and NiNi, our 5.5-year old Vevvy fell ill. We thought that perhaps he was just overly exhausted from a long and happy day in the pool when he felt warm to the touch on Saturday night, but mid-day Sunday, during a beach excursion - Vev’s FAVORITE thing in the world, he completely fell apart, acting listless, fatigued, and not having fun at all. One look at him, standing statuesque on the beach, staring out to sea longingly while tears rolled down his cheeks, said it all: “what is going on?! I’m so confused, mommy! I’m in my favorite place in the world, and yet I feel so miserable! What is happening to me?!” A hand on his forehead revealed that he was burning up. Without a moment’s hesitation, Dr. Spouse loaded him up in the car and headed for home, while I remained at the beach with Dey to host Rithers and co. a while longer. Poor Vev needed a shower, some kiddie Tylenol, and bed rest, stat.

the “I am siiiiick” face :(

Over the next seven - SEVEN! - days, Vev would continue to have relentless fevers or 101-103F even with continuous children’s Tylenol and Motrin. He also developed monster congestion in his sinuses and nose, headaches, body ache, and general fatigue. I was sincerely shocked and more than a little intimidated by his congestion snot (keeping it real), which was so thick and oppressive, it would choke his throat and inhibit his from breathing if he dared to rest in even a semi-reclining position. 

The poor kid had no choice but to be completely upright if he didn’t want to gag on his own phlegm, which meant that he (and by transitive property, I) could really sleep no more than 90 minutes at a stretch for four nights straight. He was miserable, and I was doing everything I could to help him, staying with him each night either on an air mattress in my bedroom, or just holding him against my shoulder/chest in my bed while he desperately tried to sleep and breathe at the same time. I felt awful for him, and mused for a moment about parents whose children have respiratory disorders like CF who live their lives this way.... good health is such a blessing that we all take for granted.

As much as I hated every minute of Vev’s suffering, there was something a bit nostalgic in holding him sleeping in my arms for several consecutive nights. Wasn’t there a time in the not-so-distant past where this was the ONLY way he’d sleep?! I bitch and moan all the time about how clingy, dependent, and non-self reliant my kids are — but it has been years since Vev needed me at night this way. My Vevvy has grown up a lot.

And to his credit, despite all this sicky misery, he was really a trooper while ill. Against his traditional character, when sick or not, he really didn’t complain much - just went quiet and kept to himself for days, forming a little nest on the sofa each day with a warm blankie, big box of Kleenex, and his iPad, not really asking for much at all except quiet and rest. He never really complained when I had to give him medication, and he did his best to heed my urges to drink clear fluids even when I could tell he really didn’t want to. And - forgive the TMI here - but you know your kid is really growing up when they begin to have some way of forewarning you and/or running to the bathroom on their own steam and hitting the preferred target of the toilet when they’ve gotta vomit. Fortunately, Vev only puked twice this week, and I suspect that too was only bc he gagged on his own copious snot — but both times, he announced “throwwww uuuup!” to me before sprinting to the loo and handling affairs with no mess and accurate aim. HALLELUJAH! This should be considered a major developmental milestone!!! (And yes - poor, poor kid! I really am glad it was only the twice, because that must have sucked a lot for him!)

Yeah, so.  He’s growing up.  Way to go, buddy!!!... and, sniff.

(supposedly this says “Mommy I love you ”...  but he always starts writing at the bottom of a page and works his way up.  He may also be of the mind that “Mommy” is spelled “mom-E.”  Yes, we’re gonna work on it)

It was only yesterday, Thursday, that we got an official pediatrician diagnosis of his illness: the flu, as in the legit flu virus, or Influenza A. The word came too late for antiviral medications to be of any great use to him, unfortunately, but I was grateful anyway that we got a halfway-decent pediatrician BRILLIANT nurse practitioner who needed my assertive request demand for a prophylactic prescription or Tamiflu for Dey. We’ve had shitty luck in South Florida with pediatricians who appear to be reactionary and unnecessarily nonsensical in their responses to my requests for help - but this time, our pedi NP was A+. She treated our family like competent, educated people and did things that made sense as far as ensuring this highly-contagious virus wouldn’t spread to another healthy child living in the same household. I wish she could be our regular PCP (but of course, I bet she can’t be, bc she’s not a doctor. Grr, fucking managed care. Oops, hold it - I’m supposed to be channeling gratitude here, not my customary bitchiness. My bad.)

Anyway, speaking of Dey, I’ve got to brag about him a bit here too. At 3.5 years old, Dey’s baseline is definitely chill, go-with-the-flow, glass-half-full, and a pleasant, happy and easygoing “whatever you want, dude!”-ness that Vev NEVER was at that age. It’s been really awesome to see. But this week, his general outlook on life, combined with impressive moments of being a team player, cooperating, helping out, and exhibiting formidable empathy really made me sooo proud.

It’s certainly understandable that he’d be potentially jealous that his older brother got to skip an entire week of school while he still had to go. It would be even more understandable since they are actual CLASSMATES at school this year (yes, our Montessori school groups ages 4-6/preschool, pre-K and kindergarten in one classroom, so they’ve been together at school and at home since the start of the academic year). So I was very impressed when Dey accepted his brother’s illness and his need to stay home from school, while he was forced to go. Without one word of complaint, he’d get up each morning, eat his breakfast, get washed up and dressed out in uniform, gather his things, then visit Vev quickly and dispense a goodbye hug and a “hope you feel better, Vev!” before loading up in the car for school drop-off. What a trooper. At afternoon pick-up, when I’d ask about his day at school, he’d say with a little frown, “oh, school was okay...but Vev wasn’t on the playground.” It was kinda weird feeling my heart simultaneously break a little, but also burst with pride at how much he loves his brother. Sweet kiddo. 

At home, each afternoon he’d run excitedly to Vev to see how he was doing, his face full of hopeful anticipation that perhaps today, Vev was feeling better and could play with him... but when he’d find Vev too miserable and tired to play, his face would momentarily fall in disappointment, but then he would muster some compassion and understanding, silently shuffle away, and find a quiet game to do in the vicinity, just so he could be nearby without disturbing Vev. Or, cuter still, he’d snuggle down on the opposite side of the couch as Vev, and tune his iPad into the same YouTube video Vev would be watching, so they could give each other silly smiles and glances during the funny parts. The boy would periodically race off in the house to find his toy doctor kit, and would affix his little plastic stethoscope to his ears so he could “give Vev a checkup” and “make him feel better.” 

(Dr. Cutie Pie is in)

It was adorable, man. His whole world spins because of his brother. It’s so touching. I don’t know how it is that I managed to have two kids who love each other so much, because karmically I’ve done NOTHING to earn this. My sister and I were rotten to each other as kids, and only really turned a corner on it in our... what, our late 30′s?!  Haha :)  But I’m so grateful for these two dudes. These two little people are the best of friends, and they can’t live without each other. The feels.

One more funny brag about Dey. Dr. Spouse and I often jokingly refer to him as Dory, i.e. the lovable blue fish, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres from the Disney movie “Finding Nemo.” Dory’s schtick is that she’s easily distracted and has short-term memory. 

Fittingly, Dory is one of Dey’s favorite cartoon characters, and he’s not shy to let the world know....

Anyway. Remember that whole prophylactic script for Tamiflu? Mind you, I was so grateful to get it. But. Ummmm, pediatric Tamiflu tastes FOUL. It is seriously the most bitter, disgusting, viscous goo I’ve ever gingerly licked to mentally prepare myself for my kid’s reaction to. I began fearing Dey’s reaction, and the ensuing tantrums to come over the five-day course of the drug. But I spoke matter-of-fairly to Dey about how this was a medicine he’d need to take to keep himself healthy, and that it would be a little bit yucky, but that I’d give him a HUGE spoonful of sugar right after to make it taste better (and THANK YOU, blessed Mary Poppins, for your genius). 

 Luckily, little Dory just took my words at face value without any further thought, opened his mouth, and downed the nasty shot of devil’s semen Tamiflu that I dispensed into his mouth. Immediately his face went every shade of red, purple, and white, with a coordinating expression like “what the hell is this shit?!” — but I swooped in there prepared, like a crack-smoking Mother of Batman, giving him a swig of water then heaping a MASSIVE spoon of white sugar directly onto his tongue. The result was nothing short of magical - the kid instantaneously closed his eyes in pleasure, turned up his cute little round cheeks to the ceiling with a huge smile on his face, and loudly cooed “Mmmm!” as if it was the best damn thing he’d ever eaten in his life. Moments later, the sugar fully dissolved, Dey matter-of-fairly reminisced with a RainMan-esque tone, “hey mommy, that medicine was kind of yucky for me. Kind of salty. Kind of spicy. But the SUGAR WAS YUUUUUUMMMMMY!” I worried that at the next dosing (and man, the kid’s gotta take it morning and night, poor little dude) he’d run screaming from the salty spicy medicine, and wouldn’t fall for the sugar trick — but amazingly, when I announced “medicine and sugar time,” the child came RUNNING to me with a huge grin on his face like he’d just won the lottery. He gulped down the medicine like a champ, swigged the water himself, then began changing “Su-gar! Su-gar! Su-gar!” till I ladled a bit into his mouth.  Naturally, my mind spun forward a bit, concerned that his ease of overcoming the Yucky Taste Barrier and downing this stuff for a cheap reward might translate into some unsavory teenage and young adult behaviors (err, tequila shot champion in the making?!  Please god, help us).  But, for now - eternally grateful for my little Dory’s easy distractability and forgiving memory!!! Vev, at that age and even now, would have NEVER gone along with this!

(is it just me, or do they even kinda sorta look alike, Dory and Dey?  No one else sees it?!  No one?!!!  Hmm...)

Anyway. In conclusion, it’s not normal for me to have something kind of bad happen, like the flu hitting one of my kids, but finding some good in the mess. But here I am, in spite of myself, awash in all the warm fuzzies.

1. I’ve got two healthy, happy kids, when many people have children with serious health issues and have to live their lives watching their kids sick and miserable all the time

2. my kids are growing up, becoming wonderfully independent, self-reliant, empathetic and helpful. But they still sometimes need me, and that’s nice too.

3. They both have such fun, distinct personalities.

4. I admit that it’s pretty awesome that my second kid is so chill. Love them both to bits, but if kid #2 has been more ornery and neurotic, I think that would have sucked. Having a chill kid #2 is a godsend.

5.  They frigging LOVE EACH OTHER.  It’s a goddamn brotherly love fest up in here.  

6.  Last but not least - the flu sucks, but it isn’t forever, and life will go on.  Soon, in fact.  And we’ll be onto the next adventure together.  Look forward to seeing what it’ll be!

#Vev #Dey #parenthood #influenza #flu #brotherlylove

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @serenelystrange!

Summary: Derek wanted to get the best gift for his mate, he wanted to get him something that was both meaningful and thoughtful, he just didn’t know what.

*****

The Perfect Gift

When it came to gift shopping and finding the perfect gift Stiles was a pro. He always knew what to get Derek whenever it came time to buying him something, whether it was something small and meaningful like taking him out for a picnic and bringing him lunch during a busy day at work or something large and extravagation like inviting him to Derek’s favorite restaurant and taking a nice stroll through the park Stiles always knew what to get Derek and always found a way to bring a smile to his face.

Which is why Derek wanted to get his beautiful mate/husband something that showed Stiles that he loved him and was thankful that he had him in his life.

Sure, Derek has given Stiles gifts that he appreciated in the past but this time Derek wanted to go all out. He wanted to make sure that Stiles received a gift from him that showed Stiles that meant the world to him, that without him he would still be consumed with guilt. self-hatred, and continue to be a ‘sour-wolf’.

Stiles changed him, Stiles came into his world and turned it upside down, he challenged his views, stood up for him when no one else did and gave him strength to keep fighting when all he wanted to do was give up.

Before Stiles Derek was at the point of his life of just forgetting love, then Stiles; unpredictable, lovable, brave, goofy Stiles came and touched his heart, body, and soul and showed him how to love again.

There was no one in the world who could give Derek a feeling of love and affection like Stiles, no one who could ever get in the way of what he felt for Stiles.

Which is why he wanted to get Stiles something that represent what he felt for him, the problem? He didn’t know what!

Stiles was a simple man, he didn’t care what anyone got him, he was just thankful to get something.

That won’t do with Derek, Stiles deserved the world and Derek wanted to give him that. The problem, he just didn’t know what.

Jewelry was out of the question, after all nothing could ever top the ring that Derek gave Stiles.

He still remembers that day as clear as day, before they got married Stiles told him the story of how he lost his mother’s gift.

When he was young he pretended to be a pirate and decided to bury some things in the woods among those things was his mother’s ring, the one her own mother gave to her.

When he couldn’t find it, he had to tell her he lost it, she wasn’t mad, upset yes, but not mad. Stiles told him he spent all year trying to find it, he gave up after her death.

Derek made it his mission to find the ring, granted it took a while but he finally found the box that Stiles buried and when he opened it he found some pictures, a sock, a batman comic, and the ring!

It was a beautiful rose gold diamond ring Derek had to admit it was lovely just like Stiles described it to be. Smiling he took it to John to show him he found the ring, he then asked if he could give it to Stiles as he was planning to propose to him.

John said yes and he was happy to know that Derek was going to be his future son in law.

When it came time to propose Derek made sure he made it memorable. He took him to France where the two went to the Pont De Arts where before writing their names on the lock Derek got down on one knee and asked him to marry him.

Stiles crying his eyes out because Derek not only gave him a beautiful speech that made him cry but he also used his mother’s ring, the one she loved, the one he thought he lost.

Ever since then Derek refused to give him jewelry because no other piece of jewelry will ever be able to make his beautiful angel smile like that ever again.

He didn’t want to take him out of the country again, granted Stiles love exploring the world and seeing things, but he and Stiles leave the country at least twice a year that it lost all surprises for Derek.

Food was out of the question, mainly because Derek wasn’t the best cook and he didn’t want to take him out to a restaurant. They did that every Friday or if they were tired from a long week Saturday.

So yes, Derek was a little stump on what to do for his lover.

“Maybe I can take him to see the new Star Wars movie, no knowing him he already saw that, probably more than once on opening day, come to think of it he did say he was going to the theaters and that he was going to come home late,”

“You know talking to yourself is a sign of craziness,”

Startled Derek turned to see Stiles leaning against the corner with two cups of hot chocolate in his hands.

“Guess craziness is contagious since we both know who’s the crazy one out of the two of us,” he said smiling at him as he walked over to him.

Stiles handed him his cup and peck his lips. Derek smiled as he felt Stiles’ lips pressed against his, Stiles then sat down next to him, Derek wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close.

Stiles snuggled closer to his love. Derek being the wolf that he was buried his face into Stiles’ hair and inhaled Stiles’ natural scent. He always loved Stiles unique scent of cinnamon and vanilla.

“I love you,” Stiles said as he took a sip of his coco.

“I know,” Derek said smiling as he placed a kiss on top of his head.

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Stiles asked as he pulled away to look at his lover.

“Have been for the past 6 years of our marriage but thanks for noticing,” he said smirking at him.

Stiles playfully whack his chest as he went back to snuggling next to him.

Therefore he wanted to get him something special, because whenever he was around Derek felt safe, loved, and cherished. Something no one has ever made him feel since the death of his family.

It was hard trying to find that gift but Derek was determine to find it no matter the cost.

The two decided to lay in bed and watch a marathon of Stiles’ favorite movies, since Derek watched all his shows last night he figured that it was Stiles’ turn to pick something for the two to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Derek hated the mall, not only was it crowded but it was full of rowdy sounds, disgusting smells, and annoying soccer moms who loved making googly eyes at him and always flirting with him.

Seriously, it got annoying; but if it meant that Derek was able to find the perfect present then he was willing to endure the noisy, smelly, and grabby hands that the mall brought on him.

He walked into different stores trying hard to find something for Stiles; so far, he couldn’t find a single thing.

His first stop was the geek store that Stiles loved more than anything, he did find a Darth Vader cup along with a princess Leia pop figure. He made a mental to tell Stiles he was no longer allowed to buy anymore pop figures. The boy had a total of 300 of these weird little toys, he did not need another six hundred.

Still, it wasn’t just any ordinary Princess Leia figure, it was sign by Carrier Fisher herself, he knew it would mean a lot to Stiles if he got it for him.

With both purchases Derek headed out to another part of the mall.

He made a few stops at Dillard’s, Macy’s, and JcPenny’s so far he couldn’t find anything.

Deciding that he had spent enough time at the mall he headed back home; he was more than upset that the only thing he was able to get was nothing but the Darth Vader cup and the Leia figure.

Derek decided to make a quick stop at the cemetery so that he could talk to both his parents and his mother-in-law.

Stepping outside of the car Derek headed for his parents’ graves.

He stared at his family’s tombstones before he sat down and stared at them.

“It’s Christmas; well it’s almost Christmas and I want to get Stiles’ something special. The problem, I am unsure of what to get him, I mean I always buy him nice things or do something nice for him but this time I want to do something for him; something meaningful that will show him how much I love him. He gave me love, devotion, and showed me how to love again. He has given me strength to keep fighting, has helped in the darkest moments of my life.

I just wish I knew what to do to show him what he means to me,”

He stared at the tombstones before smiling at them.

“You know he was also the one who gave me the strength to come and visit you guys again; without him I wouldn’t have the strength to come and face you guys again. He’s an amazing person and I know that you guys, would’ve loved him. Anyways I have to make one more stop before I head home so I’ll see you guys later, love you mom, miss you dad,”

With those parting words he headed for his mother-in-law’s grave to talk to her.

He stared the grave before sitting down and like his mother and father he sat down and began to talk to her/

“I love your son, I think you know that better than anyone that I care deeply for your boy, which is why it is so hard to get him something special, I really want to get him one of the best presents that he’s ever received, but I just don’t know what. I already gave him your ring, rebuilt my old home, and we already in the process of adopting our first child. I just don’t know what else to give him,”

He looked at the sky before turning his attention back to the grave,

“Which is why I am here to talk to you, hoping you can give me some inside on what to get him,”

He felt a gentle breeze passing by and felt his heart warming, almost as if someone was trying to help him in some way, suddenly an idea came to his head, something he knew Stiles would love more than anything; a huge smile spread across his face as he looked at the grave, knowing full well that Claudia heard him and gave him the idea he was searching for.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” he got up and ran to his car, he had things to do and plans to make.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Stiles stared at Derek as the two drove through the area unsure of where they were going. All Derek told him to do was to just dress casually, and to be get ready for a long day and they won’t be home for a while.

As they drove through the area Derek put some of his favorite songs as the two continue to drive, both Derek and Stiles even played some games together just to pass the time.

After a three-hour drive, Derek stepped out of the car and opened the door for Stiles, Stiles thanked him as he took his hand into his own.

“Before we go any further I need you to put this blindfold on,”

Derek said as he pulled out a red blindfold. Stiles stared at the piece of cloth before he took it and wrapped it around his eyes.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” he said as he wrapped it around his eyes.

“Okay, now I’m gonna take your hand and lead you down to where I want to take you,”

“I trust you Derek,”

Derek loved whenever Stiles told him that he trusted him, to him ‘I trust you,’ means more than ‘I love you,’ because it should Derek that Stiles would always have faith in him no matter what.

“I know you do baby, which is why I know that you will love what I have in store for you,”

The two walked for a little while before Derek stopped and sat Stiles down, Stiles smiled as Derek told him to remove the blind fold. Stiles did as he was told he slowly opened his eyes and stared at the scenery before him, Stiles felt his breath being stolen as he stared at the most beautiful place he’s ever seen with a beautiful view of the ocean.

“Derek…”

“This was my mom’s special place, where she use to take me and my siblings whenever she want to escape the craziness that was Beacon Hills; no one but me, my sisters, and Mom know about this and now you do as well,”

Stiles stared at the beauty of the cave, no wonder Talia didn’t tell anyone about this place the beauty, the peace that surrounded this area, everything about this made it special and if anyone from the outside world found out about it they would ruin it.

“Derek, thank you this place is beautiful and it means a lot to me that you shared this place with me,”

“You are amazing Stiles, and I want you to know how important you are to me,”

“Which is why I made us this delicious meal,”

Stiles saw the table had a plate full of curly fries, chicken parmigiana, some Pepsi for Derek and Mountain Dew for Stiles no doubt, spaghetti with meatballs, home made pizza and hot wings. He had to admit Derek sure went all out for him.

“Derek, thank you,” was all he said as he gave Derek a breath-taking smile.

Derek just grabbed his hand and gave it a kiss on it.

“If anyone should be thanking anyone, it’s me. You gave my heart a reason to keep beating, I always thought I’d get the less, but now I see that I got the best; at night in the moonlight I see your smiling eyes and I pray that they never become dull. I knew that I loved you since the first day we meet and I will continue to love you till our dying breath,”

Stiles stared at Derek and felt his eyes watering at the sound of Derek’s words and the sincerity behind them, he felt his heart beating faster and his soul warming at knowing that this beautiful human being belong to him.

“I’ll never understand,” Stiles began with his voice cracking just a little.

“Why you are always saying you are not good with words Derek Hale, because you always find a way to bring my heart to life and my soul feel like it has found it’s home with you,”

Derek just smiled as he leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

“Only for you my love, only you know how to bring my heart to life and make it speak the words that my mind has trouble finding,”

“I love you Stiles, and I truly hope you love this gift,”

“I do Derek, I love this more than anything; this is without a doubt the perfect gift,”

“I’m glad that it is,” Derek said as he squeezed Stiles hand happy to know that he brought joy to his beloved.

#serenelystrange #stereksanta17 #*fic17 #*gifts17

[shippingtheswann]

MODEL BEHAVIOR A Captain Swan modern AU  by @shippingtheswann​ for the @captainswanbigbang​ 2017 year!

SUMMARY: Emma is an up and coming model living in LA with her best friend Ruby. Killian is a star baseball player for the LA Dodgers. Their families are close - and they grew up together. However, what happens after not seeing each other for 6 years - when they are forced back into a situation that requires them to reconnect and explore what was once there.

RATING: Explicit

WARNING: There will be smut later in the story, some mention of violence, hard language, mention of pregnancy loss

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Special shout out to Monica @acaptainswaneternity​ - the artist with this story. I have loved everything she has done for me - so make sure to check her out! She made an amazing cover and the best image sets for each chapter.

Another huge shout out to Nicola @alocin209​ who beta read everything and tried to keep me on target!

Sorry for the delay each Friday, but this baby has me forgetting what day it is every day. FYI - she has been moving a lot more and i’ve dropped, which means the babe may be coming a bit earlier. If nothing is posted next week, you’ll know why. I will try to keep everyone updated as things happen.

Can also be found on FF - Chapter One; Chapter Two; Chapter Three

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck she thought. Why did it have to be Killian Jones on this plane and why did he have to recognize her? Why, after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, did he have to show up and throw her for another spin? The second her name left his lips, she knew everything was going to change. She didn't know how things would change, but she knew it would.

Maybe she could just ignore him. It wasn't that she didn't want to get to know him again - she actually did want that. She was just still angry over everything that had happened. The last time she talked to him, things were so different. She didn't quite know how it would play out now. Her thoughts were random and contradictory. On one hand, she wanted to talk to him, to see how he was doing because she still had that pull towards him. On the other hand, she was pissed that he left her all those years ago, that he just dropped what they had.

"Emma Nolan?" she heard again from the seats across from her, and she knew she could no longer ignore him.

Turning slowly, or at least it seemed like everything was in slow motion, she took him in again. He had a light scruff on his jaw, which accented every chiseled feature on his face. He looked like he did back in the day, but at the same time, he looked different. It was something in his eyes, the once bright irises were darker somehow, worn by the years. They still held that brilliant blue though. His arms, she noticed when he took of his jacket, were still pronounced and she stared at them a bit longer than she should have.

"Killian Jones," she breathed out, a small smile crossing her face. She didn't mean for it to appear, but she couldn't help it. Now that she was looking at him, some of that anger from years ago slipped away.

"I thought that was you love," he replied, with a bit of a laugh in his voice. His smile was wide and it was contagious. Emma didn't reply to his response, instead her smile just grew to match his as her eyes cast down onto the empty seat next to her. She wasn't really inviting him to join her, but at the same time she wished he would move over. The sight of his smile had more of her anger towards him vanishing.

He must have gotten her hidden message as he asked her almost immediately if he could move to sit next to her. She nodded her head at him, gesturing for him to take the empty seat.

"Excuse me, would you mind getting us a few more drinks? Mimosas for both of us please," he said as he moved to the seat next to her. The attendant nodded as she moved back to the galley.

"So, Emma Nolan, I never thought I would see you again, let alone on a plane home. How have you been?" he asked as he sat down. She could smell him as he took his seat. It was the biggest change in him since their departure. She never noticed his scent before now, but for some reason she knew high school Killian didn't smell like rum and wood. It was intoxicating.

"I can't lie, I hoped I wouldn't see you again," she said, "but I've been OK. And technically speaking, it's Emma Swan now."

It was like he could tell something was wrong with her. She hoped to play off her emotions of the past day, but she couldn't hide them from him.

"I don't think you've been OK love, but I'll let that slide. How about you explain the name change," he winked, as he took the drinks back from the attendant who had suddenly reappeared.

"Thank you," she responded, to both of them. She didn't want to talk about what happened with Neal to him, especially since she wouldn't consider him her friend anymore and it had been over six years since they last spoke. Yet, something told her that she could have talked to him anyway. Some people have that type of friendship that you could pick up after years of being apart and the friendship they had once shared was one of those. However, Emma's anger at how their friendship fell apart, while disappearing, was still present.

"You have got to have mimosas on a late morning flight," he smiled as he handed her the drink. She fought back every thought that told her to down the drink and demand another one.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each of them sipping their drinks, letting the champange do its job.

Emma got lost in her thoughts again. Yes, there was still a part of her that was pissed at how everything went down and would probably always be there; but there was another part of her that knew there was still a pull towards him. A spark still shone between them. She could feel the electricity coming off his forearm that sat close to hers. She was still attracted to him, and she was sure that he was attracted to her. She wasn't cocky, but being a model, you knew most people found you attractive.

"Love?" he questioned, using the term of endearment that he used for most women he came in contact with. She remembered when he first used it when talking to her, when she was eight. She was smitten right away, the pre-teen hormones making her swoon at his words. Too soon, she learned that he used it for everyone, but it still made her swoon when he said it to her.

"I'm sorry, what?" she apologized.

"I was asking what you were doing on the plane. If you lived in LA or were just visiting?" he asked again. A smile crossing his face again and she couldn't help but smile back.

"I live in LA actually," she answered.

"So you actually did it then?" he smiled as he asked his question. He must have remembered that he helped her make it here.

"I guess you could say that. I can't believe you remember," she answered.

"Of course I remember. We spent so many nights working on applications so you could get to LA and live your dream!" he responded. "So tell me all about it."

Emma relaxed a bit, thankful that they weren't going to bring up what happened in the past too quickly. Hopefully, this would just be a quick exchange of pleasantries and then they would go their separate ways again. She really didn't want to relive the past.

"Well, I went to UCLA and then started modeling two months after I got here. I graduated and started to focus solely on modeling. I changed my working name to Emma Swan, as there was already an Emily Nolan around when I was starting out and I didn't want any confusion," she explained.

"That's amazing Emma! You actually did it! And Swan fits you really well actually." She could hear the excitement in his voice. He was actually proud of her.

"Yeah, I guess I did. What about you?" she questioned.

It was in that moment that she saw his demeanor change. He looked broken for a moment, but then regained his composure and turned to face her.

"I was drafted right out of college. I headed out west and played in the minors for a while. Last year was my first year with the majors," he said, with a timid smile. She could tell he was happy doing what he did, but he wasn't fully proud of himself.

"You did it too!" she exclaimed.

She pointed to his hat as she said the words. He must play for the Dodgers, which meant he lives in LA. For at least a year, they've lived in the same city, within 30 miles of each other, and never ran into each other. It made Emma laugh actually. To spend six years apart, not talking to each other after falling hard for the man, to end up in the same city and never seeing each other, was just crazy. To many, LA wasn't a large city, it was actually quite small. You ran into people you knew all the time. Hell, Emma had met so many celebrities just from walking into a grocery store, but not once did she run into Killian Jones.

"I guess," he replied, pain lacing his voice. She didn't quite understand it. She didn't particularly keep up with baseball - why should she? It was just one more thing that reminded her of him. However, she did know they won the World Series the year before. Everyone in the area knew it, there were giant parades when the team came back, parties for weeks over the win.

"Killian, you won the World Series last year, clearly you are living your dream!" she exclaimed, hoping to make him feel a bit better.

He just smiled at her response. In that moment, something inside of her told her she needed to fix his lousy attitude, which also meant changing the subject. She knew there wasn't much they would be able to talk about, it had been years. So she did the only thing she could think of.

"Let's play a game!" she proposed.

"A game Swan?" he questioned, with a bit of apprehension on his face. He used her new name. It bothered her at times when she couldn't use her actual last name, but hearing the name from him seemed right. Sure, she originally just changed the name to distance herself from the other model, and Swan was something Ruby called her at times when she was drunk because she was anything but graceful. However, now hearing it in an accent and with his voice, it made the name change feel right.

"Yes, a game. Let's play Truth or Dare," she suggested.

"And why should we play that childish game?" he responded with a sip of his drink, calling the attendant over to refill it.

"It may sound stupid, but I met my best friends through this game, and I think it will help take our minds off of the things we really don't want to talk about," she explained.

It was true, Ruby and Lacey had become her best friends over a game of truth or dare soon after she arrived. Ruby, of course lived for the dares, but Lacey and Emma loved the truth part. Whenever someone new came into the group, the girls had their mandatory Truth or Dare night. You couldn't be part of the squad if you didn't participate and, according to Ruby, complete one of her racy dares.

She could remember Elsa having to streak down Sunset naked at two in the morning because Ruby dared her too. Elsa wasn't too embarrassed by that, and seemed to enjoy the freedom it provided. However, when Ruby dared her to make out with a random stranger at Mixology one night, Elsa drew the line.

They had a refill of their drinks, and Emma hoped that Killian would be willing to play.

"Alright love, let's play."

----------

Emma was the master at Truth or Dare. OK, maybe that was Ruby, but Emma was pretty good at asking questions that were embarrassing, but funny at the same time.

Emma started it off by asking what was one thing Killian regretted most about living in LA. To her surprise, he said it was having someone drive him around. She laughed loudly when she found out he had a driver. Emma had only ever used one once, when she was doing a shoot for a wedding gown and they needed to have her shoot in four locations. She didn't mind the driver, but would always prefer to drive herself around, blasting music and singing along in her off key voice.

Killian went with a dare first, which didn't surprise her at all. He dared her to send the last picture she took on her phone to him, no matter what it was. The joke was on him though, as the photo wasn't racy or scandalous, but just an amusing photo of an avocado wearing sunglasses. She had found it on a website and thought it was funny. He got a chuckle out of it though and he was amused by why Emma thought to save it.

Things progressed from there. The truth questions they asked each other were pretty tame, and if they did dare each other, they were pretty lame. She learned that he was going home for three weeks but not really sure why as he skirted around the reasoning. She had told him that she was going home for Henry's party and she was excited to see her brother but she kept Neal and her past hidden. It seemed both of them had secrets they wanted to keep.

She was sure Ruby would have quit the game a while ago if she had joined in. Emma could picture it: Ruby standing up, her hands on her hips, all pissed off calling them pussies, before walking out complaining that no one really understood how to play Truth or Dare.

Something that was different though was the flirtation that was now happening between the two. Emma wasn't too sure at first what was happening, it had been a while since anyone really flirted with her to just flirt. Neal would flirt when he felt jealous, other men would flirt on set when they wanted something, but no one ever flirted with her just because they wanted her. It started off innocent enough, slight glances that were held a bit longer than normal, the brush of his fingers on her hand as she took her replenishments from him. They were well into their fifth round of drinks when their questions became less lighthearted and more brazen.

He had moved closer to her as their conversation moved more personal. Her truths had begun to dig into the man he was today. She had asked him about his most recent sexual escapade, to which he just blushed and said he would take a dare instead. Emma chose some stupid random dare to bypass the embarrassment, hoping that she didn't ruin their fun. She really was having fun; the guy she once knew was still there, but there was more to him that intrigued her.

When he came back from the dare, he didn't create any distance between them, he moved closer. He rarely took his eyes off of her. He was constantly scratching behind his ear and when his eyes did move from hers, they only left to look at what she was wearing. She knew he lingered a bit at her chest. She would be lying if she said she hadn't done the same thing to him a few times.

"Alright Swan, my turn. Truth - why haven't you been back to Virginia since moving?" he asked, a question she was hoping he wouldn't.

"I couldn't be there anymore. There was nothing left for me. My future was here," she explained, keeping it simple. She really didn't want to tell him that he was part of that reason. She didn't want him to know that she couldn't be around her house when everything reminded her of him, of what he did to her. LA provided her with a fresh start. Sure, Killian had helped her get there, but once she landed in LA, everything that happened was because of her hard work.

"There is more to it, I know there is," he tested her, leaning in a bit more.

"How do you know?" she wondered.

"You are something of an open book to me love, always have been. You can't hide that there is another reason you don't go home," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. He was right though. He always knew when something was going on with her, even from a young age.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she whispered.

"Tell me anyway. Isn't that the point of Truth or Dare?" he countered, nodding his head to keep her going. His hand had moved closer to hers and the hairs on the back of her arm were standing at attention. Goosebumps were peppering her skin.

"Alright," she began, "I never went back home because the last memory I have of the place was my graduation party. You know, the one you didn't show up at, even though you had promised me you would."

She hadn't meant for the confession to come out harshly but she sounded like a bitch and she knew she came off that way. She could see his mood deflate. He was still close to her, but the sparkle had left his eyes and he had sagged a bit in his seat.

"Truth - why didn't you show up? Why did you hurt me like that? Why did you just leave? What you did really hurt Killian, I was in…" she started, but quickly changed her direction, unwilling to say she used to love him. "I needed you, and you just threw me to the side. Why?"

He looked up and his blue eyes tore into her. She could see the pain in his eyes and it was worse than she had seen it all day. Yes, there was pain when she discussed baseball, and there was some pain when discussing past experiences, but there was more now in those eyes.

"I'm sorry for how it happened Emma, I didn't want to let you down, but I had to. The shit that happened is in the past. I don't really want to relive it and I don't think you want to either. Can't we just leave it there? Can't I just say that I'm sorry, what I did to you was shitty, and start over again?" he pleaded, looking into her eyes.

She wasn't quite sure what to say at first, but he was right. It was in the past. Six years had passed and something bad had happened in those times, something he wasn't quite ready to discuss with her. In the back of her mind, she did think she could move on. He did apologize; sure it wasn't the best apology or anything but he had sounded sincere.

"Alright, I'll let it go, for now," she warned him. They were going to be around each other for a while and maybe she would get something out of him later.

They sat in silence a few more minutes, Emma drinking her next mimosa. Killian had switched to rum about an hour ago, but Emma couldn't stop drinking the sweet drink in front of her.

"My turn, I think Swan," he started, making her stop looking out of the window at the fields passing below. "Who was your highschool crush? You never really talked about anyone special, but there had to have been someone."

Shit she swore to herself. She knew she wouldn't be able to lie to him. Her palms began to sweat a bit; she was nervous about finally spilling her guts to him. She wasn't this nervous when she thought he liked her back her senior year. Yet here she was, nervous about telling the man she hadn't seen in years that she used to like him, so much in fact, that she was in love with him before he shattered her heart.

"Ummm…." she tried to start, even though the words were getting caught in her throat. She reached for her drink and downed it in one straight gulp.

"Spill it love," he prompted her, his past sadness wiped away.

"You," was all she said, her voice barely audible. She was worried about his reaction but she still looked up and met his eyes. To her surprise, he wore a smile on his face and his eyes were shining again.

"Are you serious?" he finally said, after what seemed like hours later but was really only seconds.

"Well yeah. I mean, we talked so much the last few months of school, I couldn't help but fall for you a bit," she confessed.

He chuckled at her confession. It wasn't a laugh that was making fun of her, it was more a laugh of disbelief. Like he couldn't believe that she would actually like him.

"Don't worry though Jones, that crush ended pretty quickly," she jested, hoping to move on. She was embarrassed and his reaction to her confession was worrying her a bit. He was looking at her differently now.

"Oh really?" he questioned, moving a bit closer to her. They were inches apart now. She could smell the rum on his lips, could feel his breath hitch when she looked at his lips.

"Yeah, it's old news. It's in the past," she said, trying to make sure she believed it as well as him.

"If you say so," he winked and Emma knew he had something up his sleeve.

"I do," she replied, a bit more forcefully this time.

"Alright, my turn," he started, "I'm choosing dare this time. I dare you to kiss me. Prove to me you no longer have any feelings for me."

She couldn't tell what he was thinking, he wasn't giving anything away. Why would he dare her to kiss him?

#CSBB #Captain Swan Big Bang #Captain Swan #Captain Swan Fan Fiction #Captain Swan FF #CS FF

[suckerforhobi]

Melancholy

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader (2nd POV)

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: You almost only met him at funerals and weddings. You and he had several common points in your lives and you wanted to keep him as close as possible.

The first time you met the boy was when your paternal grandmother passed away, and her funeral was held, your eyes almost popped out when your father brought his new female companion - and the woman’s son with himself, whom no one knew in your family, not even your aunts and uncles.

Your family life was a mess but year by year, you had nothing else to do but accept it. Your parents divorced during the very first school year in your life which gave you a huge heartbreak at the tender age of 6, you could hardly recover from the memory of your dad tearing off the door and leaving you with two suitcases in his hands and your mother crying face which broke your heart even more. Looking back, years later you shouldn’t have been that shocked - they fought a lot, your dad came home too late and spent too much many. Your father didn’t act like an adult. Your parents were each other’s first love and you came when they were both so young, freshly graduated from the university. Still, your heart ached when you thought back to other kid’s parents - they were in love, they had mutual programs like visiting the zoo. That wasn’t the case with your eonma and appa - they loved each other but not that way anymore, the atmosphere tensed around them every single time.

Your father kept visiting you as much as he could, being a lawyer, he was pretty busy, not to mention he was living in another city. He supported you as much as he could, paying your mom every month the child support. Then, your father didn’t see you that much but still called every week. You missed him terribly but you knew he had a hard job, you wouldn’t hurt him.

That day you felt like you were betrayed. He didn’t see you because of that woman? Was she more important than you, his own daughter?  Did he spend time with her son instead of you? The 15-year-old yourself was beyond angry when you saw how much he cared about the two persons with him but not with his daughter who was few meters away. You cleared your throat in annoyance and your father turned to see you. He had a huge smile on his face. You had a couple of negative feelings towards your father. A new family and he missed you out? Why didn’t he tell you something about that?

“Hello, Birdie. I would like to introduce you to Hye and Hoseok.” You flinched when you heard your nickname your father gave you when you were a toddler. “Hye, Hoseok, she’s my daughter, Y/N.”

You were never impolite but deep inside, you would tell your father and his new chick with her son to get lost. However, it was your grandmother’s funeral and you wouldn’t have wanted to cause such a scene. She was an angel, she deserved a beautiful, peaceful goodbye ceremony.

“Nice to meet you.” You tried to sound as sweet as you could, it might hurt your soul to do that though you had no other choice. Hye who was the same sage as your dad and mom squeezed your hands and frowned.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I heard how much time you spent with your grandma. If you need anything and anyone to talk about, we are here.”

You nodded, giving them a smile which turned out to be more like a snarl. “Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind.”

You were inspecting the boy who did the same to you - his face had similarities with his mom’s, the timid smile he gave to you was identical to Hye’s. You would have been lying to yourself if you had denied the fact he was handsome. The way he looked at you was oddly comforting, despite knowing him for minutes.

“Y/N... are you free on on next week? We’ve bought a new house recently and you should see it yourself and we would decorate your room.”  

Your little heart was content. Your father maybe didn’t forget about you.

You found out more and more about both of your stepmother and stepbrother.  Hoseok was a few years older than you, he wasn’t a planned - how could he be when his mother was 17 when he was born? Growing up was surely hard for Hoseok, that’s why you weren’t surprised anymore how protective was your father of him. 

Hoseok was a graduating student from high school, you were surprised, he was so kind towards you, not the typical hormonal and cocky guy you thought he would be.  You two didn’t really meet often, just few occasions when he wasn’t with his girlfriend and you paid a visit to your father or at the wedding or funeral of your relatives.

It was the day of your dad and his mom’s wedding when you couldn’t keep your eyes off Hoseok - he was the most charming boy you had ever seen as much as you wanted to deny the fact. He was seated the opposite side of you, close to your parents. Your heart skipped a beat when he poked you gently.

“May I have a dance with you, sis?” His smile was contagious as you wore a matching one.”

“I would love to.”

The was the first time you were close to Hoseok, as you were now a 17-year-old teenager, your face was flushed but you still tried not to redden it more. His beautiful eyes, his warm smile, his comforting large hand resting on your waist.

“I never really said that but I’m glad I got a little sister.” He said softly, his eyes never leaving yours. From that moment, you knew he was the death of you. Luckily, his girlfriend’s whining turned you back to the real world, letting go his hand, to let them dance together.

“Y/N...” Your roommate called your name and you knew she plotted something for you. “I want to ask for something.”

You were nervous, if she asked for something, it never meant a good thing. 

“How can I help you, Haru?”

“Do you remember Park Jimin?” She asked and you nodded. Who didn’t know him? He was a popular guy, graduated a year after your first university year. He was a legend, many girls were the fan of his, worshipping him like he was a Greek God. Your roomie fell into this category, screaming every time his name was mentioned.

“I remember. What’s with him?”

“He asked me out on a date but he said his roommate has just broken up with his girlfriend, so he said we should go on a double date, he needs something to distract himself... and I thought...”

“I say yes but you owe me a lot.” You said and your goofy roommate suddenly pulled you into a tight hug, you felt your breathing becoming heavy as she almost choked you to death.

“You are the best.”

You spent on that October day hours on choosing your outfit for the night. You didn’t really have any fancy clothes, you didn’t really go out to have fun, instead of participating in some parties, you studied as much as you could. You were hard working and you hoped one day all your efforts would pay off. 

When you came out your room, Haru squealed like a proud mom when she noticed you in the red dress you had bought a year ago.

“Oh my God, Y/N, you look breathtaking! This dress is so lovely! I’m sure that guy would love it!”

You nodded, not believing her words entirely. Haru was almost like a sister to you, of course, she said nice words about your appearance.

“Where will we meet them?”

“Inside.” She replied happily and she was shining in happiness. You envied her,  she was always positive and cheerful, while you were so gloomy most of the time. This is who you were, the quiet, insecure bookworm. While she was a real Disney Princess.

Before you two entered the cozy Italian restaurant, you surely had imagined the mysterious guy Jimin brought with himself. Judging by his character, you trusted his choice, there was no way he would invite a boring, grumpy guy but a smiling and curious. But you never excepted to see someone you knew relatively well. Hoseok.

Both of you froze immediately, earning glances from Haru and Jimin.

“Do you know each other?” Jimin asked and Hoseok gave you a shy smile after hearing his friend’s question.

You wanted to tell the awkward truth but Hoseok was faster. “We are old friends.” 

You tried to be convincing enough, however, you didn’t really get it why Hoseok lied. Okay, he didn’t like exactly, you two had known the other for years but you were rather family than friends. Stepsiblings, to be exact. You guessed he said that to not upset your friends’ attempt to get a date for you.

“Is it true, Y/N?” Haru asked you with widened eyes, not really believing what she just heard.

“Yes.”

During the dinner, the four of you had a great time together but you were flushed as Hoseok never once took his eyes off of you, examining your face, waiting for your reactions. The faded crush from years ago that you thought of like a distant memory came back in once, making you confused. He was a forbidden fruit, a guy who off-limit, a platonic love. Still, you didn’t know how to handle when the dream boy of your youth was sitting with you on a date. On a date.

You had fun but you decided to go home earlier - your aim was to make Haru happy, your task was done. When you announced your leave, saying you are not feeling quite well, Hoseok stood up after you. “I’ll walk you home.”

The atmosphere was tensed between the two of you when you walked out of the building. You didn’t speak up but your brain was working on finding a possible, not awkward topic.

“We had a nice night, didn’t we, Y/N?” He asked smiling but not looking in your way.

“Yes, we had. It was good to see you again, not just listening to dad’s reports.”

“The same goes to you. I’m so proud of you, studying Psychology and you achieved your goals like a pro.”

Unlike Haru, you knew Hoseok would never tell you something he didn’t think seriously. His eyes were honest and you tried not to look in them, protecting yourself from falling for him too much.

“I tried my best.” You smiled sheepishly.

“Y/N. I want to meet you more, Sis. We are family and now I’m working and...”

“Of course, just text me and I try my best not to drown myself into studying.”

After that night you really met regularly, going to drink a cup of coffee together, or just hanging in the mall. Hoseok was in every time you called him up to meet and you reacted the same way when he wanted you to see your face. You never read anything more into those rendez-vous. You were just nothing more but brother and sister. Weeks turned into months, he quickly became the most trusted person in your life.

One day, everything changed.

“Will you go with me to meet my colleagues? We’ll have a small gathering and everyone brings a girl with themselves...” He explained laying his head in your lap, while you were sitting on your couch.

“Hobi, why don’t you ask the girl who lives in the same apartment as you?”

“Not my type.”

“The girl you were making out with at Jimin’s party?” You raised your eyebrows suspiciously.

“You will love this, she is engaged.”

“Noooooo. What a stupid chick.” You shook your head in disbelief.

“Are you free on this Friday?”

“I am.”

“Then we will go together there. Be pretty but not too pretty, I don’t want to chop off anybody’s di-”

You only responded by hitting his head with a pillow.

You got to know his friends beside Jimin, his colleagues at the I.T. company he started working not too long ago. The always grumpy but a soft guy, Min Yoongi and the incredibly intelligent Kim Namjoon, both of them brought their girlfriends who were happy Hoseok got himself a pretty cute girl (before you could tell you were related he once again stopped you from saying anything).

At the bar, you saw how everybody adored him. Indeed, he was the most amazing human being you had ever met.

He touched your hand, his body pressed to you, giving the warmth you loved.

You both drank but he surprised you when he put his lips on yours. You knew it was wrong, you panicked but you couldn’t push him away. It was a miracle, a dream, you thought. Then the loud banging music returned you to the real world, Hoseok still holding your lips as a hostage. That was when you realized... you couldn’t go back the way you used to be. You signaled him to let you go and he did but you could see the disappointment in his dark orbs.

You lied to anyone and you went home. It was a mistake. Stepsiblings should never do it.

You avoided him like plague afterward. You weren’t too happy when your dad and his wife, his mom had invited you to have a dinner together. You were scared, no, you were terrified. After a month, the pain remained, not healing like you prayed for. Hoseok caused you unintentionally a huge wound on your sensitive soul but you also harmed yourself as you ignored his existence. However, you had to stop your stupid, immature actions, for the sake of your family.

“Hello, Birdie.” Your father greeted you with a kiss on your forehead. Hye flew to the door to hug you and Hoseok was standing there, with an undetected expression. Of course, he didn’t cheer when he laid his eyes on you, he was surely upset with you.

“I missed you.” You said to them and you saw Hoseok turning away. He called you many times and you never once received his phone call, never replied to his messages on Kakaotalk. You wanted - God you really wanted - to answer him but you knew what had happened was wrong. 

The dinner went like the usual, his mom asking you about boys (you noticed Hoseok’s body stiffening), your father cracking the lamest jokes he’d heard in his life. You didn’t dare look him in the eye - you were afraid of the coldness in his usually shining pair.

When you went up to your room, your parents headed to the living room, Hoseok grabbed your wrist unexpectedly, making you almost scream out because of the sudden touch.

“Don’t go. We need to talk.”

You were ready to escape his grip but you missed him. You missed your stepbrother, who always made you laugh whenever you talked to me, who comforted you when you failed on an exam, he was there.

“What do you want to say, Hobi?”

“Don’t ignore me, like I am nobody to you!” He growled angrily, his unexpected outburst catching off your guard.

“Look, I needed time. It was wrong and we both know it!”

“Don’t say that you didn’t enjoy it, then you wouldn’t have responded the kiss.” His body was shaking as he was nervous and angry.

“The fact doesn’t change even if I did. We are family.”

You and Hoseok tried to ignore what had happened between the two of you that night. It was just a kiss nothing more but that kiss meant more to the both of you.You missed Hoseok like an alcoholic his favourite drink, you couldn’t ignore him anymore.

It was not long after the first few days of the new year when you woke up by a loud banging on the door. You groaned - you valued sleep as you could hardly fall asleep. You looked like a mad scientist with your messy hair but you opened the door.

Hobi was standing in your door, his eyes in tears. Your heart sank seeing him in that state but what he said burned into your memory for life. “Mom and Dad died.” You couldn’t breathe, collapsed on the floor. The man whom you loved the most and the woman you loved like your second mother were gone.

It was an accident on that winter day. Hoseok was the one whom they could call up. You couldn’t believe how he could remain sane - you felt like you were dead inside. Your mom visited you almost every single day, she told you also she lost one of the most important people in her life. If Hobi, Haru and your mom hadn’t been there, you surely would have fallen into depression.

But the only who exactly knew the loss was your step-brother. The tragedy brought you closer, you invited him over to sleepover beside planning the funeral. 

After the day of the funeral, you thought he would distance himself from you but he didn’t. He still wanted to talk to you, he still surprised you by giving little presents once in a while. One day you realized you couldn’t live without him by your side, in a way you should have never thought of.

“When will you admit you are in love with him?” Your mom rolled her eyes when she saw you texting with him. Involuntarily your lips stretched into a huge smile but it turned into a frown once your mother asked about him.

“Do you know about it?”

“Everybody can see how much you adore the other. Even your father saw it, Y/N.”

Your eyes widened, not believing your ears. “What?”

“Your father was a clever man and let me confess you something. We, the three parents talked about it one day and your father said he would feel strange. He got a son and the idea of dating with his blood, with his daughter...but trust me, as crazy as it sounds, Hye would have loved the idea of you two being together. But just think about that, your father wanted the best for you in all of his life. If that means you and him being more than step-siblings... Go for it!”

Later that night, after your mom left, it was your movie night with him.

You were watching a movie - you didn’t even remember its name as the movie was boring as hell - cuddling with him on the couch. Haru was staying with Jimin, so it was a perfect opportunity to ask him about his feelings.

“Hobi... I would like to thank you everything. Everything you did. You made my life better, you helped me through the darkest days.”

“Of course, that’s what brothers and sisters do.”

You frowned, sitting up to look at him. “I wanted to talk about us, too.”

He seemed surprised for a moment, unsure what to say to you. His silence pushed you further to talk. “I was thinking about the two of us. I loved that kiss and I love everything about you. I hate to admit but I’ve been in love with you since I was 15.”

He softly traced his fingers on your face. “You don’t know how much I love you. So would you give us a try?”

“I would.”

“Finally.” He pushed you down to his chest kissing you softly on your lips.This time you were sure you would never break the kiss. 

#jung hoseok #hoseok #hobi #suckerforhobi #jhope #bts angst #angst #jhope angst #hoseok angst #fluff #jhope fluff #hoseok fluff #j hope bts #jhope scenarios #hoseok scenarios #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot

[c-rankin93]

SHE'S NO YOU - Ch.2

Word count: 3100+

A/N: keep in mind in know that in 2016, the 6th of Dec wasn’t a Saturday. But ignore that like I have haha! & also this was originally 2 different chapters, but I combined them & I might do that with a few more so there isn’t so many chapters.

I’m glad that people have liked the first chapter. The drama hasn’t even started Unfolding yet! ✔✔❤❤

As usual: oversee the grammar and spelling mistakes I make. I’m not the best editor 🖕

– CHAPTER TWO: BIRTHDAY BLUES –

RAE POV:

Before I knew it Monday came around, and to say that I was excited to see my babies was an understatement. It had been two miserable days of not seeing their darling faces creating havoc around the house. I missed cleaning up after them, snuggling with Ruby at night when she couldn’t sleep, cooking with Joshua when wanted to bake.

In those two days I moped around the house, cleaning spotless bench tops, re-washing all the linen in the cupboards, and having lunch with Greg on the Sunday before he went to Los Angeles to see his sister for a week.

Since the kids school was only a few blocks away I decided to forgo the taxi and pick them up by foot. I even considered stopping at a small ice cream bar to give the kids a treat. It may have been the middle of November but I didn’t mind a little ice cream here or there.

I replaced my black stilettos for some ankle boots but left my work attire on, only putting thick white peacoat and black scarf over top. I grabbed my handbag and keys from the kitchen bench before locking up.

It was a bonus that I got to work half my days at home instead of being cooped up in a stuffy office for hours on end. Being a senior architect and a boss meant I could mold my own hours and delegate my work load. My boss and owner of the company, Chloe was an incredible lady and not much older then me. When I started working for her straight after collage, her business was just starting off.

Being only 5 years my senior meant that she turned into one of my closest friends. She was there visiting me at the hospital when both my children were born, and one of the people holding me up when my marriage broke. Apart from her, and my best friend Izzy, she was the only other person I trusted that wasn’t family.

The walk to columbia grammar and preparatory school only took about 20 minutes or so, it was a nimble walk along the streets of the upper west side. Finn refused to send our children to any other place stating ‘it’s what’s best for our children’s education’ and I couldn’t agree more.

It was a private school full of privileged young youths, the tuition alone per year was more then buying a house. But when it came to their learning money wasn’t a problem. It was one of the places Finn’s company donated heavily too, he was also on the board of trustees and a former student.

I opened the door to ruby’s class room and gathered with the other parents in the corner as the teacher was talking to the students.

“Hey Rachel” whispered another mom to the left of me, she was a sweet women that wasn’t short of bedazzling herself with stunning diamonds.

“Hi Rebecca, how’s your day?” I replied with a hushed whispered and shuffled closer to her so I didn’t disturb the class.

“Oh you know same old, same old. Patrick begs me to stay at home and keep my feet up until miss Isabella makes her grand entrance, he’s like a broken record that man” she smiles rubbing her, very round tummy. I looked at the 40-something year old in amazement, her hair prim and proper, with wonderful designer clothing and a kind hearted smile upon her face. It was rare to meet genuine people in New York. It reminded me to set up a coffee date with her sometime soon.

“Listen to your husband Rebecca, Patrick’s right you should put your feet up more often. You won’t be able to do it when she comes along” I tutted and chuckled quietly at my authority.

“Yeah maybe but I’ll be so bored. I need to be doing something or I feel like I’m going crazy”.

“I know how you fe-”

I was interrupted by the feel of a tiny body constricting themselves around my legs in joy. Her little pony tail bouncing with her movement when Ruby began jumping lightly on the balls of her feet. A smile radiated my face, leaning down I wrapped an arm around Ruby’s back and cuddle my little girl close.

“I missed you too sweety” I whispered softly into her ear and returned to my stand position.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow Rebecca, I’ve got to get going to Josh’s classroom” I learned over a pecked her cheek in Farwell. “Bye brody” I patted her sons head as they both smiled and waved goodbye.

After collecting ruby’s bag and coat, we headed down the hall to Josh’s class. Her tiny hand secure in mine as we walked side by side through the busy corridor.

Josh was already waiting for us by the door as he talking to one of his teachers, Mr Holden.  He was a bubbly old man, who talked years of wisdom. Josh was fond of the old guy, admired him almost. He made sure Josh kept his grades impeccable and in exchange he would tell Josh all about his time teaching in France, Ireland and Australia.

“Hi mom” beamed my little man, then said a quick goodbye to the teacher who waved at me.

“How was dad’s house?” I was a bit sceptical on how the weekend went after ruby’s little breakdown.

“Awesome!” He beamed. “We had so much fun! Dad took us out for tea, went to the park and even the zoo mom. The ZOO!”.

“It would of been better if you were there” I could barely hear the whisper that was muttered by Ruby. My heart broke again after hearing her soft words. I knew they weren’t meant for my ears, so I decided not to speak up.

We headed towards the little ice cream bar that was situated between our house and the school. Even with New Yorks chilly temperature the place was still bursting with people. It took us 20 minutes for us to place our order (Ruby with a scoop of vanilla bean and sprinkles, Josh with a scoop of raspberry swirl and I deciding on a scoop of cookies and cream). We chose to eat and walk, the kids talking about the rest of the weekend and school today and I filling them in on my lonely adventures without them.

By the time we arrived home our bellies were full and the cold finally getting to us, Ruby snuggled closer into my leg as I fished into my bag to retrieve the keys.

The rest of the night was full of laughter and a light tea before both the kids and I curled up in my king size bed and dozed off.

-

The rest of the month flew by fast and before I knew it, it was already the 5th of December. Finns mood stayed placid but he didn’t speak to me or step foot into my house after I kicked him out. He’s grumpiness was obvious on his face, but I was glad the smart ass kept his usual comments to himself.

Greg had popped over several times after work when he came back from his sisters house. He only stayed one of those nights, to which I was grateful for. Our relationship sometimes felt more like a friendship and I was comfortable with that. I wasn’t ready to give my heart to someone else after a messy divorce.

If i was being honest, I wasn’t completely over my ex-husband. I probably never will be. He swept me off my feet when I was only 18, I was new to college life and Izzy convinced me that our first week should be spent drinking until our livers gave out. I being the pushover I am agreed and somehow we found ourself at a prat party.

Finn approach me and asked me to dance, and I being a typical freshman fell for his charms and instantly in love. It was just my luck that he reciprocated my feelings and for the next 12 years out life was bliss. Until it wasn’t, until he broke my heart in the worst possible way.

Joshua’s 8th birthday was tomorrow and it was my turn to have him. I hadn’t planned anything big, but I couldn’t wait to surprise him with a visit to the Rockefeller centre to go ice skating, then to travel to my parents house over in New Jersey for a family tea. He wasn’t a fussy child and the simple things in life is what made him happy. I’m glad that even though he grew up around money he doesn’t demand to be spoilt.

I was lucky to have both humble and nurtured children. Money buys power, to which their father had Alot of, and still with the world at their feet they would rather have a simple gift then an extravagant one. I guess they inherited my way of thinking, I had always told them money can’t buy love.

-

By 7am the next morning the house was alive, the birthday boy had made sure of that. His excitement for the days events were contagious and I couldn’t help by smile everytime his eyes lit up after opening one of his presents.

Blueberry waffles were still steaming hot on the counter top as I prepared the cream and chocolate sauce. It was a breakfast I disapproved of, but today was Josh’s day and he had practically begged for days on end for them. Who was I to say no? How could I even say no?

Just as I was about to call the kids to the dinning room table the door bell chimed. I looked at my watch seeing it was only 8.14am.

'Who on earth could that be?’ I thought to myself as I dusted off my hands and made my way to the door. My Mom and Step-Dad knew we were coming to their house today, same with my older brother Robert.

Izzy surely wouldn’t be out of bed this early on a Saturday morning, plus she was at a franchise meeting in LA to both her and the kids dismay. They loved their aunty Iz, who had a habit of feeding their bellies full of white chocolate muffins. Also, Chloe was meeting us at the ice skating rink with her two bubbly children. So we weren’t expecting company.

Shocked couldn’t even describe my emotion when I opened that door to see my ex-husband and his new hussy standing there on the door step.

His impeccable dark blue wash suit was tailored to perfection as aways, hair greased back leaving it slightly wet, which could also be said about my panties.

Olivia looked stunning as always, and it made me sick. Her newly short platinum blonde hair was styled into a quirky quiff, her slim figure dressed in a perfect two toned grey and white stripped knitted dress that stopped just before her knees. She added black boots, a grey coat and a beautiful necklace hung around her neck.

I internally groaned when I assessed my own attire of, black leggings I pulled from my draw and a old, baggy OASIS top which I stole off Finn in my junior year at college. It was stretched beyond belief because of the two pregnancies I endured and the neck line kept slipping off my shoulder. No doubt my hair was still a tangled mess on top of my head, actually I was a mess from head to toe and they were the perfect couple. But just to add insult to injury, I remember that I didn’t even bother to put on a bra this morning. Great, just great.

“What are you doing here?” I tried my hardest to cover up as much of my top as I could, I didn’t want to look like a desperate ex-wife still mourning the loss of her husband. But the look in his eye told me he had already noticed what top I decided to wear.

“I came to see my son on his birthday Rae. Is that alright with you?” I rolled my eyes and ignored Olivia’s snickering. I stood to the side and allowed them both to come in, as much as I wanted to slam the door in their faces I knew that Josh would want to see his dad.

The kids where currently in Josh’s room playing the Xbox game I got him, so I excused myself to notify them that their dad was here to see them.

The moment their little eyes connected with their fathers they came running down the stairs and engulfed Finn in a giant hug nearly knocking him to the ground.

Josh started talking a mile a minute explaining to Finn all the exciting things that he had gotten already. I could see Finn smile as he watched his son, causing a small ache with on my heart. These moments are the ones I missed, when we would spend time as a family.

I knew that Finn had already given Josh his present when they had seen him after school on Thursday so I was a little shocked to see him pull two small gift box’s from his coat and hand them to both the kids. I didn’t stick around to see the cute expressions they made when they opened them, it still hurt to much.

“Dad, mom cooked our favourite breakfast today! And made home made chocolate sauce” Josh spoke excitedly, “dad, are you staying for breakfast? Please, please say you are!”

Finn, Josh and Ruby looked to me expectedly as I stood awkwardly in the kitchen. I nodded my head silently and listened to the kids cheer.

“But finny, we have a plane to catch” Olivia whined. It was the first thing she had said since she arrived, and I wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

“Liv it’s a private plane! I’ll just ring the airport and delay it by an hour” Finn spoke softly, but I couldn’t help but pick up on his cool tone. Olivia continued to whine like a 3 year old about keeping to a schedule and I didn’t have time to listen. I just continued to busy myself with setting the table.

They all gathered around my mahogany 6 seater table in the dinning room. Finn and Olivia sat together on one side, and the kids, and I sat on the other. Never had I felt this awkward in my own home, between Olivia scrunching her nose up the waffles, and the kids in a in-depth conversation with Finn, I just felt alone. This wasn’t the family breakfasts I dreamt of when I was a teen. Silently, I sat there nibbling on a few bits of freshly cut fruit. Wishing I could disappear.

“Mommy?” Ruby whispered, disconnecting me from my thoughts and bringing me back to reality, not realising I zoned out.

“Yeah baby” I cooed stroking her soft light brown hair smiling.

“Why is Olivia here?” I turned to my daughter and leaned closer to her.

“Ugh- well sweety. She is your daddy’s girlfriend and she wants to see you guys. It’s Josh’s birthday and he’s extremely happy having them here. Why do you ask?”.

“She doesn’t like us very much” Ruby muttered, “she always says we get in the way”.

I focused on my breathing, reminding myself that today was Josh’s day and I couldn’t ruin it by jumping over the table and strangling the bitch to death.

“Like I said sweetie your going to have to talk to your dad about that”.

“Talk to me about what?” We swung our heads towards Finn not realising that our conversation was being heard. I felt ruby’s small hands latch onto mine in a death grip.

“Well… Umm… I think it’s something you and Ruby should talk about that- in private” I explained sending a small smile to Ruby.

“And why is that?” Olivia butted in. I could see the annoyance etched on her face.

“Because it’s a private matter between him and his daughter that’s why” I narrowed my eyes on the witch, but kept my voice light. She had no right to butt in on this conversation.

“Oh please save me the sob story. You just want to spin lies to my Finn don’t you!” Olivia spat. Her words echo in my head over and over again. Her Finn. I felt my heart break all over again.

“I would never, ever do that! You have no ri-”.

“Enough!” Finn bellowed, his face tinted red in anger.

“Olivia, I’ll meet you in the car” Finn hissed, ignoring her complaints. She huffed and stormed off; slamming the front door behind her.

“Kids do you think I can talk to your mom for a minute?” They both nodded and went back up into room after I kissed them on their heads.

“What exactly was that about Rae!” I cringed at his toned. He leant over the table, his eyes boaring into mine. I looked away deciding the left over fruit on my plate looked particularly interesting.

“I think you need to speak with Ruby, Finn. I’ve told her too, but she is too scared” I sighed, “and that is what I tried to explain to your girlfriend”.

“I’ll deal with Olivia later Rae, don’t bring her up”.

“Why did you have to bring her here! To my house! I understand you wanting to see Josh but you know how we feel about each other. And you still-” Finn abruptly got up from his chair and walked around the table until he was standing right next to me. Yanking me by my arm lightly, Finn dragged me to my feet.

“You left me remember! You packed your shit and left with my fucking kids in the middle of my business trip. So don’t you dare go there!” He hissed causing me to flinch back.

“You were so heart broken that you moved Olivia in 6 months later” I scoffed, “you know what just leave please. This is Josh’s day! And I don’t want it ruined by a silly little argument. So please just go say goodbye and hop on that plane of yours and go… your good at that” I barely whispered the last words before I fled.

Out of all the deceitful things Finn had done to me in the 2 years since our divorce, this took the cake. I could deal with his hateful words, but for him to bring her into my home… That was unacceptable. To let her talk to me like that in front of our children. I was done.

There was no use hiding my tears in the bathroom I barricaded myself in. I needed to get this pitty party over with, because today wasn’t the day for a mental break down.

'Why wasn’t I good enough Finn?’

——–

@mmfdfanfic @lily-pop-2 @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus @I88cym - Im sorry I tried everything to try and tag you but it won’t work.

———–

#mmfd #my mad fat diary #my mad fat fandom #my mad fat diary fan fiction #fanfic #fan fiction #new york #rae #finn #nelson #olivia #josh #ruby #fighting #divorce #mmfdfanfic

[josephlrushing]

IFA 2020 Is Happening: Will It Be a Model for Other Events in the Foreseeable Future?

I had figured that IFA 2020 would be yet another cancellation due to the global pandemic, but today we have word that it will still happen, albeit with major changes. For at least this year’s convention, IFA will be an invite-only event, spanning three days, with no more than 1,000 people attending daily; it looks like I’ll be one of them.

There are a handful of major tech conventions held around the world each year that I consider must-attend events including CES (Consumer Electronics Show), MWC (Mobile World Congress), and IFA (Internationale Funkausstellung Berlin). There are other worthwhile conferences and conventions that occur throughout the year, some of which I also attend, but these are the three that I would never intentionally miss. However, COVID-19 has made me wonder if these huge mega-conferences might soon completely die out due to the pandemic not going away anytime soon and the very real safety concerns raised when trying to handle a hundred thousand or more attendees (and support staff) in a huge convention center.

Allow me to digress for a moment.

CES is held in Las Vegas, and it occurs in early January. Just to give you some perspective, in 2019 it had a total attendance of 175,212. Once you’ve attended CES for a couple of years, you’ll quickly learn that there is a good reason for the half-joking/half-serious expectation that after attending you’ll probably come home with what is commonly called the CES Flu – a term that encompasses a series of ailments including coughing, sore throat, runny nose, body aches, and possibly fever — any of these symptoms or a combination of them will always, always be compounded by exhaustion. Considering how many people attend CES, and how the question has since been raised of whether CES attendance could have contributed to or may have been a major factor in the virus’s spread, I’m amazed that not one of our attending group of five got sick this year. Because this year has not been like any other.

I remember first really paying attention to COVID-19 around the second week of February because one after another, companies that we were supposed to meet with at MWC started dropping out due to virus concerns. This was a first for me in the 21 years I have been covering tech, and it took me aback.

MWC is held in Barcelona, and it occurs in the last week of February; in 2019 it had an attendance of 109,674. By February 12th, COVID-19 concerns on top of the withdrawal of too many major companies from the show had shut down MWC 2020. There were quite a few members of the media who at that point were still considering going to Barcelona and having some version of a shadow convention. After all, many of us had non-refundable flights booked along with a week’s stay in non-refundable Airbnb apartments; we had companies reaching out to us offering smaller meet-and-greets with social distancing if we made the trip to Barcelona, and as of February 12, only one person in Spain had even been diagnosed with the virus, and it was a German tourist who’d been visiting the Canary Islands — so not even a local. After a few day’s consideration, however, we opted not to travel to Barcelona. I felt disappointed at the time; now I am thankful that we didn’t go, as Spain would quickly become a hotspot.

In the days leading up to the first week of March, scheduled trips for the Huawei Mate 40 launch (in late March) and the IFA GPC (in early April) had just been canceled. The day before I traveled to NYC (March 1st), it came out that a woman who had recently traveled from Iran back to NYC had the virus, but her symptoms were reported as mild. This was when we still thought the virus didn’t affect children or young people as severely as it would those who were older. At that point, we thought “older” meant 65+. Yeah, that would prove to be wrong.

I don’t think anyone in NYC was really too concerned about COVID-19 yet, but we were all aware of it by this point in a general sense. I remember that I had stocked up on antibacterial wipes and Purell before making my flight because my best friend had warned me that shortages on those items were already being experienced in Manhattan; that was about the extent of any panicking. The day I arrived in NYC (March 2), we heard about a midtown Manhattan lawyer who had fallen ill via community spread. That was scary. Over the next few days, we would hear about how the neighbor who had driven the lawyer to the hospital was also sick, as were the lawyer’s wife, son, and daughter, as well as a friend of the lawyer’s and his entire family. I think that’s when it first sunk in for me how contagious this virus was and how serious it could be; I was starting to get a little freaked out. I traveled home on March 8th as scheduled, and I don’t remember feeling anxious about traveling at all, but I do remember being very glad to be back home in Texas.

On March 9th, I picked up our granddaughters to keep for spring break. On March 11th, the WHO Director-General declared COVID-19 a global pandemic. On March 12, one of the NY friends that I’d spent a lot of time with the previous week got sick. She couldn’t get tested, but she was sent home to self-quarantine and basically told to assume that she had COVID-19. A few days after that, my best friend got sick, but she wasn’t sick enough to warrant a test. She too was told to assume she had the virus and to self-quarantine. After spending a week worrying about my friends in NYC, being scared that I might be asymptomatic and that I might have exposed everyone I cared about in Texas to the virus, we finally sorted out that my friend had been exposed at her work, on the day after I went home, to an employee who was later found to be sick with COVID-19. She had then given it to my best friend. We would later learn that the employee who had exposed my friend to the virus was dead within a week.

On March 15th, the United States was told to start socially distancing for two weeks; it is only now — over two months later — that non-essential workers are starting to go back to work. Even as fatalities and infected numbers are still rising in some parts of the US, states are starting to reopen.

The fact that so many people have become ill or lost their jobs, or died — and that people are still dying in large numbers every day from this pandemic — makes the cancellation of MWC just a tiny tragedy in the grand scheme of things. Even so, MWC’s absence (along with the cancelation of other major events including Google IO and Facebook 8) has had a negative impact on the tech industry that may not be fully realized for some time. Companies count on these conventions and events for in-person exposure to finance their inventions or as a place to introduce their latest products to the press, buyers, and the public; those opportunities were lost, and many companies have been scrambling to figure out what to do ever since. Of course, the trade-off was well made, as canceling these events kept hundreds of thousands of people from becoming possibly getting infected and then passing the virus on once home.

Kev and I live in a rural Texas area; even so, since March 9th we have been self-quarantining like there’s a zombie apocalypse going on and everyone outside of our home is a possible carrier. Since we started self-isolating, we haven’t been closer than 6 or 7′ to any other people — including family members who don’t live in our house with us — without first having a mask on and/or being outside. If we leave home to go to the grocery store, the recycling center, or the post office we wear a mask, and we sanitize our hands constantly. Neither of us has actually been in a grocery store (or any other store, really) since this started; we’ve been using curbside pickup for groceries and ordering almost everything else we need online. Keeping ourselves safe and healthy has become our new mindset. While I know that self-isolating and physically distancing ourselves from others is the right thing to do right now, I miss my family, I miss my best friend, and I miss traveling. I miss not worrying about whether Kev or I might get sick. I wonder what our new normal will be and at what point we’ll start to realize that whatever we are doing to protect ourselves is the new normal. These have been a weird couple of months … am I right?

As part of this pandemic experience, I’ve developed a new way of thinking that is a lot more cautious. And let me clarify, I am not fearful, but I am cautious. I’m pretty sure that large spaces crammed full of people who aren’t wearing masks or who aren’t trying to physically distance themselves from each other are going to get a huge NOPE from me, possibly for another year or maybe longer. In fact, I am positive that I will never look at another person who is wearing a mask in public and think they are being an alarmist — I’ll think they are being smart and silently thank them.

My best friend (who also happens to be my main travel buddy) and I have been going back and forth on when we think it might be safe to start traveling regularly for work and pleasure again. Just a day or two ago, we were talking about how we might feel safe to travel around the time that IFA is usually held. See, we had already had it in our mind that even by September, IFA as we knew it wouldn’t be happening. Berlin’s ban on all events over 5,000 made the conference seem even less likely.

#IFA20: Set for an innovative concept designed for unprecedented times.

IFA Berlin is set to go ahead in 2020, but with an innovative new concept, following the decision by the Berlin government to ban all events with more than 5,000 participants until 24 October 2020. 1/6 pic.twitter.com/MLDvamLXzf

— IFA Berlin (@IFA_Berlin) April 21, 2020

I was thinking IFA might make the conference an all-virtual event like others have done. It turns out, I was wrong.

And that brings us to the latest news.

IFA is held in Berlin, and it generally runs for 5 days in early September. Billed as the largest consumer electronics trade show in the world, IFA had 245,000 attendees in 2019. 245,000! Part of the reason that the numbers are so huge is that unlike CES and MWC, IFA generally opens its doors to the public after the first couple of days.

Would I be willing to attend a conference with 245,000 others attending anywhere today— or even in the next 6 months? Absolutely not. Would you?

I haven’t even been inside a restaurant since March 9th; I can’t imagine being in the typical convention hall with thousands and thousands of people right now. It absolutely gives me the heebie-jeebies. :-/

Would I consider attending an invitation-only IFA event in early September that is closed to the public and that caps max attendance at just 1,000 people per day for three days? Yes, I think my collection of face masks and I could make that work. Even if the mere idea of eating in a restaurant seems so foreign right now.

They’re calling it the IFA 2020 Special Edition, and the conference will consist of four stand-alone events that will include the IFA Global Press Conference that members of the international press usually attend in April; it will include a Keynote by Cristiano Amon, the President of Qualcomm, as well as keynotes and presentations from other companies on its “two or three keynote stages curated by IFA.” The second event will be a combination of IFA NEXT and IFA SHIFT Mobility which will focus on bringing technology start-ups and companies in the connected mobility sector together, “to help them get the much-needed lifeblood of publicity and industry connections. For innovators, disruptors, tech journalists, and digital influencers interested in the cutting edge of technology, this will be the year’s most important event to attend.” IFA Global Markets is Europe’s largest sourcing show for OEMs and ODMsThis is IFA’s answer to the Industry’s need for a sourcing show “to repair and restructure its supply chains hit by the disruption of the COVID-19 pandemic.” It looks like attendees will still have plenty of networking opportunities with the IFA Business, Retail & Meeting Lounges I’m not sure how they measure it, but IFA said that in 2019, “brands and retailers struck deals worth more than 4.7 billion euro during the event in Berlin. While the pandemic will make it impossible to replicate this level of deal-making and networking, IFA Berlin will curate the IFA Business, Retail & Meeting Lounges to give brands and manufacturers the much-needed opportunity to meet retailers in a safe and efficient manner ahead of the year’s all-important shopping season.”

Of course, with such a relatively small show, everyone who wants to won’t be able to attend; there will likely be plenty who don’t want to or can’t travel. That’s why there will also be a Virtual IFA Experience which will allow everyone who can’t be present the opportunity to still be part of the IFA Berlin experience.

Will IFA 2020 Special Edition be what we are used to? No. But it will likely be the first actual tech event many of us have attended in person since the pandemic began. Carly and I were talking about the likelihood of CES being canceled the other day, and in its present form, we can’t see how it won’t be. But what if CES and other huge conventions took a page from IFA — at least until this pandemic is under control (or we have a vaccine) — and they held smaller, more intimate gatherings with an option to videostream from anywhere? What if MWC  did the same? That might be the smartest way forward, at least until we figure out what our new normal when it comes to trade shows will be.

What do you think? What would it take to make you feel comfortable attending your usual trade shows and conferences, or do you think that a different way of doing things is the only way forward? If you see a different way forward, do you think it will involve smaller events, live streaming, virtual reality, or something no one has even tried yet?

IFA Berlin will be open to invited participants from 3 to 5 September 2020. You can learn more here.

from Joseph Rushing https://geardiary.com/2020/05/20/ifa-2020-is-happening-will-it-be-a-model-for-other-events-in-the-foreseeable-future/

[jobsearchtips02]

I was living in Wuhan and left for vacation. Now my family can’t go back

Imani Bashir

2020-03-03T13: 00: 00Z

The author’s son holding a banner during a Chinese National Football League game.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

Imani Bashir is a writer who was living in Wuhan, China with her husband and 3-year-old son.

They left for a one-week beach vacation to Malaysia in mid-January to celebrate the Chinese New Year, but on January 23, Wuhan was officially locked down — and they couldn’t go back.

The family spent a month in Malaysia, shuffling between hotel rooms and trying to figure out their next move.

Rather than waiting to find out when they’d be able to return to China, the family ultimately decided to ask their landlady to give away their belongings. Bashir’s husband has since taken a new job in another country.

“Our attitude has been ‘damn the stuff —  we’re healthy and together,'” she writes.

Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.

As someone who was living in the city of Wuhan, the center of where the coronavirus started, I know that my and my family’s current displacement is only a morsel of the aftermath of this virus. Information is widely spread, but it’s constantly conflicting. Every person we still know in Wuhan is preparing for this to be an into-the-summer scenario.

Our story

Imani Bashir and her son.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir.

Let’s start at the beginning. I’m from Maryland and my husband is from Buffalo, New York. We’ve been traveling to China together since 2016, before our son was born. My husband coaches American football internationally and as the sport continues to grow in popularity, he’s found more job opportunities in China. Together, we have lived in four countries — Egypt, Poland, China, and the Czech Republic — but nothing major has ever happened that has truly shifted our way of life.

Why we moved

The author’s husband (left) coaching the Wuhan Gators team for the Chinese Arena Football League (CAFL).

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

We moved to Wuhan just after the Chinese New Year of 2019, in early February, going straight there from a vacation in Hainan Island, a more tropical area of China. We’d been living in another city in China — Chongqing, which is a couple hundred miles west of Wuhan. We liked Chongqing, but my husband was offered a better work contract in Wuhan so we decided to try it out. As expats, we aren’t ever really opposed to trying a new place to live. 

Life in Wuhan

Celebrating the author’s husband’s birthday in August 2019 with a water gun fight in the park in their apartment complex in Wuhan.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

I absolutely loved living in Wuhan, outside of the seasonal smog and air pollution. The smog can get so bad that you can’t see anything out of your window. You can be on the 20th-plus floor of your building and not be able to see the next high-rise over.

The smog

Bashir took this photo of the smog from her apartment window.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

The smog is the main reason why people have seen people in China wearing face masks prior to this coronavirus outbreak. It’s an ordinary, everyday practice due to the poor air quality in some cities.

Our fateful vacation plans

The author’s son watching the dragon and lion shows at a mall in Malaysia for Chinese New Year.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

It’s customary for people in China and expats to take a vacation during Chinese New Year since it’s the most important and longest local holiday. (The festival began on Saturday, January 25 and lasted until February 8, about 15 days in total.) Since it’s such a popular time to travel, it’s best to plan ahead, so I had booked our flights out of Wuhan nearly six months prior to ever hearing about the coronavirus. 

On December 31, 2019, I received a text message from our landlady saying that there was a potential “pneumonia outbreak” in the area. It didn’t make sense to me; I had no idea that pneumonia was a contagious thing. (Editor’s note: Certain types of pneumonia are contagious.) 

In the various expat group chats we were part of on WeChat (a Chinese app similar to WhatsApp), most people were laughing the outbreak off because we truthfully didn’t think it was a huge deal. The main message was “wash your hands with soap” and be merry. 

We boarded our plane to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia on January 14, 2020. Although we heard that people had already been confirmed dead due to this mysterious pneumonia fiasco, we weren’t privy to the full depth of what was happening until our plane landed.

At the airport when we arrived, there was a separate section where people who had come from Wuhan had to go to get their body temperature taken via the forehead. Anyone having symptoms of fever and/or coughing was supposed to go to a different area; luckily, we didn’t have to go through any additional screenings after they took our temperature.

Realizing we were stranded

One of the five hotel rooms the family had throughout their extended stay in Malaysia.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

Our vacation was meant to be one week long before we returned to our apartment, but on January 23, Wuhan was officially locked down. Everyone that we know who left Wuhan for vacation has been unable to go back. I have many teacher friends whose schools were meant to open again this month, and now that has changed to early May. 

We heard — through our group chats with people who had been living in China during the SARS outbreak and remembered how it was handled — that more than likely, planes would not be flying back into China, let alone Wuhan. 

It was actually easier to keep up with our loved ones while in Malaysia versus China, because China blocks American internet services including Google, Instagram, and Facebook. The only way to access these sites is by using a VPN, which is illegal in China — so being stuck in Malaysia helped us better keep up with the pulse of what’s going on in Wuhan. 

After we had been in Malaysia for a month, we decided that we wouldn’t be going back, even though we left an apartment full of our things. In that one month, we had to book five different hotel rooms in the same building, constantly moving all of our luggage either up or down the floors. Now, that luggage is all we have left.

The last of our belongings

The vacation luggage is all that the family has left of their belongings.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

Thankfully, I travel with our important documents in the event someone needs to go to the doctor and because my son and I have different last names. But back in Wuhan, we’d left the majority of our clothes, my son’s toys, my husband’s wallet, and our pots and pans. (The good thing about China is most apartments come fully furnished.) I told my landlady to give it all away. There are plenty of children who would probably love my son’s toys. We aren’t so attached to the stuff, especially with how severe the situation has been. Our attitude has been “damn the stuff —  we’re healthy and together.”

Taking care of our son

The author and her son at the beach near their hotel in Malaysia.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

We were very vigilant in only taking our son to play areas that did screenings on all kids and adults, including taking people’s temperatures and using hand sanitizer. My son did at one point have a dry cough, and it freaked me out. We took him to an infirmary and the doctor confirmed it wasn’t anything severe. We concluded it probably had to do with the drastic change in the weather (cold in China, hot in Malaysia) and my son being a bit dehydrated. 

Our lives now

The author’s husband and son.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

As a freelance writer, my income isn’t steady. I never know exactly when a deposit is going to hit, so we typically depend on my husband’s salary as a more consistent way to live. Unfortunately, because of the coronavirus, his contract in China had to end much earlier, causing us to rely heavily on our savings and burn a hole through it very fast. 

We’re no longer in Malaysia. We spent four days in Singapore, and then rather than waiting to find out the likelihood of being able to return to China, my husband decided to take a new job in a new country: the Czech Republic. So right now my husband and son are in the Czech Republic, and I just landed back in the US for a prior speaking engagement. I’ll join them within a couple of weeks. 

Refusing to live in fear

The family at a tourist attraction in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia.

Courtesy of Imani Bashir

At the beginning, [knowing we couldn’t get back to Wuhan] was nerve-racking because this was our home where we created a life with our child. He was only a year old when we came back to China the second time, and now he just turned three. He’s full of life and energy, and as a mom I legitimately don’t have the time to sit and worry or be afraid. He’s a nonstop kind of kid that just wants to play. 

Our main goal now is securing our savings that was depleted in this ordeal, and showing up for our little one day-to-day as he continues to grow.

Imani Bashir is an international writer and content creator. Her work heavily supports creating visibility for marginalized communities.

More:

coronavirus Expat Features Wuhan Virus

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from Job Search Tips https://jobsearchtips.net/i-was-living-in-wuhan-and-left-for-vacation-now-my-family-cant-go-back/