#now listen. i didnt edit this as much as id like to because i could feel myself slowly giving up on it

[atsoomi]

When you first see Sakusa, it’s at a regular coffee shop.

He stands tall, intimidatingly towering over other people as he reads the menu with a disgruntled expression. You take notice of him while you wait for your usual drink, and you can tell you’re going to think about the attractive stranger at your favorite coffee shop for weeks.

His mask conceals most of his face, but his eyes catch your attention. The striking pools of onyx scan the menu rapidly as he seems to lose patience, his frown growing more by the second.

You don’t stare at him for longer than five minutes, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to overcome the embarrassment of being caught. But the outline of his figure burns in your mind as you turn to follow the worker who’s making your drink, a Mari who you’ve befriended during the frequent visits to this shop.

You think about whether he’s just having a bad day or if he’s always like this, whether he’s going to order from here or not, whether he’s ordering for just himself or others as well— friends or a girlfriend. Or someone he just likes, no tags.

You don’t hear the sound of someone approaching you over the sound of your own thoughts; in fact, you don’t even notice his presence over your shoulder until he clears his throat.

Turning to face him, you feel caught. Your cheeks warm in embarrassment, as if he could hear all the obsessive thoughts you were having about him. He stares at you blankly, and you realize his eyes are not only nicer up close, but also sharper. Being close to him also allows you to take notice of his other features— like his moles, the curve of his eyebrows, his cupid’s bow.

He leans down to your level, still keeping a safe distance like you’re carrying an infectious disease. Must be a germaphobe, you think. Getting the hint, you turn your ear to him.

“Do they add nuts to every drink on the menu?”

His voice is pleasantly deep and the whisper-tone makes him insanely attractive to you, but he asks the question with such genuine distress that you have to suppress a giggle. You turn your head back slightly to face him with a smile.

“Yeah, they’re big on the nuts thing. If you’re not a fan, you can ask them to not add nuts to your order, that’s what I do.”

He nods, still seemingly unsure, and you reflexively continue talking.

“But the coffee is really good, trust me, it makes up for the nut craze.” He stares at you with a blank expression, “trust you?”

You pale slightly, feeling like you’ve overstepped with the friendliness. But thankfully, Mari comes up to the counter, chiming in with your drink. “Here’s your usual,” she chirps as she hands you the straw.

You smile thankfully at her and she gives you a questioning look as her eyes shift between you and the tall stranger. She smiles slyly at you and you ignore her as you grab your cup.

“Well, uh, it’s up to you really.” You turn to him one more time, “You’d be the one missing out after all.”

And then you’re out the door as fast as you can. When Mari calls you that night, she’s disappointed to say the least, but she provides you with crucial information: he ended up asking for whatever you had.

The second time you see him, it’s on the court.

You learn that the guy you crushed on in a coffee shop is actually the outside hitter for MSBY Black Jackals, Sakusa Kiyoomi. Mari, who sits next to you during the game, nearly screams when she recognizes him.

She jokes about how you could’ve asked for his autograph or became a micro celebrity by dating him if you had a single romantic bone in your body; you tell her you have plenty of romantic bones in your body but he was just too intimidating.

The teasing goes on throughout the game as you both continue to be completely oblivious to the volleyball game around you. The tickets to this game weren’t cheap, and if Mari didn’t beg you to accompany her because her cousin plays for one of the teams and bought her tickets, you would’ve never found yourself seated at the front row of a volleyball game.

Granted, it’s one of the least violent sports and it’s entertaining to watch for a while. But you just couldn’t be any less interested in adult men throwing a ball around.

This game, however, seems to be much more interesting to you. Whether that’s because Sakusa is unreasonably gorgeous on court, or because Mari makes really entertaining comments on the game, you couldn’t really be sure. But watching Sakusa play was a life altering experience, you’d think about him in those shorts for months to come.

Your eyes follow him the whole time; you take notice of all his physical assets and find yourself giggling like a schoolgirl with Mari about all the athletes’ physical builds by the end of the game. She teases you about having a favorite and you can’t find anything to say in denial.

When the game ends, you’re almost disappointed that you can’t watch Sakusa in action anymore.

Later, when you’re standing outside the huge stadium as Mari talks to her cousin, you spot Sakusa’s team celebrating their win, circulating around him like a tornado. He stands in the middle of the chaos rigidly, and his ability to not crack a single smile around such cheery people astonishes you. You smile to yourself at the thought of how practice goes for the team if this is how it was when they won.

While MSBY’s blond setter (you were too focused on Sakusa during the game to catch anybody else's name) is aggressively throwing an arm around him, speaking loudly over the others, his eyes fleetingly meet yours. Your throat constricts at the brief eye contact and you reflexively stand up straight. When his teammate has moved on from annoying him, he looks back at you, and this time, the stare lingers.

He’s so intimidating and yet so breathtaking to you— standing in the middle of his friends, he seems to stick out like a sore thumb. You wonder if there’s any emotion behind his stare, if he’s judging you or if he thinks that you’re hideous and that you coming to his game is an insult— or if he finds you pretty and intriguing the way you do him.

You wonder about his dating history and his type of woman.

Before you’re too far gone in the land of delusion, Mari is back with a wide grin and mischief written all over her face.

“You should really talk to mr.loverboy at one point. I’d like to attend a wedding once in my life.”

You laugh at her as you both walk to your car. Turns out both of you are already too far gone in the land of delusion.

The third time you see him, you’re not doing too well.

The walls of Onigiri Miya are terribly familiar to you because you find yourself in the same spot every few weeks. In your mid-twenties, you’ve discovered that one of the few things that lighten the burden of existence is food— good food, something that the gracious Osamu Miya always offers at his shop.

While the world constricts around you, the place offers you the kind of comfort that only a warm meal could. Your stomach is full even if your heart feels empty, and that makes you feel a bit better.

Your monthly breakdowns at the onigiri restaurant aren’t new to you.

What you didn’t plan for, however, is the unfamiliar voice that calls your name.

You push your head off the table with a grunt to look at the caller and you’re, once more, facing the beautiful stranger that you stumbled across in a coffee shop— Sakusa Kiyoomi.

His eyes widen slightly at your face and you suddenly feel self-conscious, you don’t particularly look your best on a night like this. Out of all the times to actually meet him. The surprise on your face must have offended him because his expression reverts to his usual frown.

He stands rigidly with his hands in the pockets of his coat. His mask is pulled down for a change and you finally see the rest of his face at a closer distance; if you weren’t in emotional shambles, you’d be much more thrilled right now.

His frown is heavy as he looks at you, almost like frowning helps him think.

But before either of you have the time to think, the blond setter from the game you went to barges in on your moment and casually swings an arm around Sakusa’s shoulder. Sakusa shoots him a deathly glare but he doesn’t waver. Must be pretty good friends, you think.

“Hey omi-kun, who’s your little friend?” he asks, eyeing you with growing interest, a crooked grin on his face.

“She’s not my friend miya, get your arm off my shoulder.” Sakusa grumbles as he attempts to shake the blond’s arm off, but it stays planted on his shoulder firmly as they begin to bicker like an old married couple. Yeah, definitely good friends, you smile to yourself despite the gloomy cloud hanging over your head.

You realize that the guy Sakusa not-so-affectionately called Miya looked similar to Osamu, and you vaguely remember Osamu mentioning a brother before— a twin to be exact. The puzzle pieces come together and you’re amazed at the way fate connects people. The restaurant you visit frequently is owned by the twin brother of Sakusa’s teammate.

How many times did you come close to meeting?

Osamu comes out of the kitchen and the bickering evolves into sibling arguments as you zone out in the corner. The familial scene with Sakusa in the middle makes you bite back a smile, who thought that something so silly could be so entertaining? And entertaining enough to distract you from the things weighing you down.

The blond twin suddenly turns to you and you instinctively flinch, realizing you’re about to become part of the conversation unwillingly.

“Are we annoying you, doll?” he asks.

You hesitantly shake your head and the blond jumps to grab a paper bag out of Osamu’s hands, “See?” Osamu gives him a blank look, “you literally pressured her.”

“Did not. Now come on Omi-kun, we’ve got places to be. Everyone must be starving.” You turn to look at Sakusa (Omi-kun, as you know him now), only just realizing that he’s standing closer to you than before.

He gives the blond a stare that you’re oblivious to, and they share a moment of silent communication. Osamu looks between them and momentarily at you, seeming to understand something you don’t.

The blond twin, whose name you still haven’t discovered , slowly smirks at you with recognition. “Oh yes, I’ll go ahead. Don’t take too long now Omi.”

Then he’s out of the door, and Osamu retires to the kitchen with a knowing smile. You wonder what secret they were sharing in front of you.

Now that it’s just you and Sakusa in a nearly empty restaurant so late at night, the realness of the situation hits you like a cold gust of wind. You slowly turn your face towards him only to find him already looking at you.

Unsurely, you smile politely at him. He doesn’t return it, but he doesn’t seem like the kind to anyways. Instead, he drags the chair across from you back and plops down in front of you. The fact that you’re sitting across from the mysterious attractive guy you saw in that coffee shop is surreal.

His face finally relaxes and you notice how much prettier he looks when he’s not frowning. In this state, you don’t find it in yourself to look away from him. The dim lights of the shop illuminate his face and he’s almost god-like with his pushy brows and sharp eyes.

He seems okay with the attention you’re giving him, and you’re not sure if it’s the midnight paranoia but you swear his cheeks go pink at one point.

You’re too engrossed in admiring his physical features to notice how he hesitates to talk.

“You’re.. are.. are you okay?” His question brings you out of your lavender haze and you don’t process the question at first.

“Am I okay?” you retort in confusion.

He nods reluctantly.

Your hand comes up to cup your cheek when you realize that they’re wet, and suddenly you realize what he’s asking about. Your cheeks grow hot in embarrassment.

“Oh yeah yeah, I’m fine. Or I will be.” That explains why he was surprised when you lifted your head.

He observes you with interest and it’s your turn to feel embarrassed at the attention.

The intimacy of the scene isn’t lost on you. You sit like old lovers who never fell out of love, admiring each other in a public place that feels like it only contains the two of you. You sit together like you’ve known each other for years. You want to salvage the intimacy of the moment but a burning question comes to the front of your mind.

“How’d you know my name?”

He blinks at you, seemingly confused by the question.

“When you got here, you called out to me.” You continue unsurely. “We’ve never spoken before, how do you know my name?”

He blinks at you again as the gears in his head turn. When he realizes that he did in fact call out your name despite never asking you about it, the tips of his ears turn red. You observe the changes in his face with a slowly growing smile; you’ve noticed something he hoped you wouldn’t.

“It was on the cup. Caught it when you were leaving.”

The cup. The cup of coffee you ordered at the coffee shop you first met at. When you ran away from him. You raise your eyebrows in amusement, how did he manage to catch that? Moreover, how did he manage to remember it for weeks when you’d barely talked.

The thought of Sakusa having an interest in you since the first meeting makes you feel like a teenager getting asked out for the first time.

You look at him across the table, observing his face and everything you’ve grown to like about it. Suddenly, you think about meeting him like this more often, about getting to see him much closer than this, about being the kind of woman he’d date, and about tracing his lips with something other than your eyes.

When you notice his eyes traveling across your face, you wonder if he possesses any similar thoughts, any burning urges to reach across and touch you and set off the reaction that's been brewing for weeks.

It's so close you can almost taste it.

You lock eyes and you slowly realize that neither of you are ready to jump straight into anything. He's as hesitant as you are, maybe even more. But, if you've got to start somewhere, you know exactly where to take him.

“Sakusa," you start, already smiling, “would you like to get coffee with me sometime?"

#sakusa you are so HARD to write for #but youre so bewitching i just cant resists #now listen. i didnt edit this as much as id like to because i could feel myself slowly giving up on it #i needed it out before it was scraped for good #before it just made me give up on being a writer #so im posting it in its not so final form with the hope of coming back to edit it at one point #i still loved the idea enough to keep writing it #i mean... #word count : 2.5k #inspired by all the artists who draw sakusa like he's the definition of beauty #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #sakusa scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!

[veys-mood-of-mentalbreakdown]

Aaaaalright i feel like this would probably be perfect for r/amitheasshole but i couldnt be bothered to put it on reddit. But I’ll formulate it like i would if i posted it there (EDIT: tried to post it to r/AITA but it wouldnt let me cuz its over 3000 characters)

Am i the asshole for wanting to tell a birthday party guest to not come anymore

This weekend March 11th 2023 the body will be 19 years old, to celebrate this we’re having our first actual birthday party with friends. We’ve invited 5 friends and all of them are coming some of them also sleep over as they come from far. Including the person id love to tell that they arent welcome anymore, we’ll call this person K.

As i said before this is the first time we ever thrown a party, so we are understandably stressed to get everything perfect. We don’t ask for help of the guest because we want to get it all ready ourselves (which as of now we have succeeded in and almost have everything ready).

K from day one started complaining about everything and anything. First it was about alcohol. About if we had vodka, and if we had different vodka than a certain brand because they only like that kind of stuff. Then it was about food, constantly making a problem about the snacks ans foods we were getting, i would share screenshots but i cant for privacy reasons so i’ll put it down as a list

- will there be enough food?

Yes there will be enough food

- will it be cold or warm, we only like to have warm food for dinner

We will make sure there will be cold and warm foods and foods you can eat both cold and warm

- yea but will there be enough

Yes there will be enough

- snacks dont sound like food to me

We call it snacks because we’re going to get tapas like dishes, meaning many different kinds of food

- will there be enough??

Yes K there will be enough

- i just dont have a right feeling about this

About what? The party or the food?

- the food at the party, i have a bad gut feeling about this

She then also started getting upset about the people we invited to our birthday party and the fact some of them are system’s like us (she is fully aware we are a system) saying that she thinks it’s going to be too much to handle, which i can get, i just don’t understand why she didnt tell us up front and said she wasnt going to come instead of getting angry at us for it.

She then said it would be a rollercoaster of emotions for her, and wanted to have a moment where she could just talk to our host privately about her emotional baggage at our host’s birthday party, and ofcourse like the good friend our host is, he agreed to play therapist because he’s afraid she’ll leave and bitch about him to others.

We made a playlist for music for the party, inviting everyone that will come to add music so theres a bit of everyone’s music tastes, we asked if everyone could add party vibe music and asked to not add music sorts that are triggering to us or others coming to the party (we specified what triggers us and asked everyone to specify if they have any music that can be negatively triggering)

Full knowing this, K asked us if she can add Reggae and added a few too, knowing full well that this is one of the things that is highly triggering to our host as one of the big ab*sers in our life only ever listened to that stuff, they got upset when we told them rather not and then our host said “okay but not too many, 1 or 2” to satisfy her, knowing it would most likely cause flashbacks of some sort. She then said “you know what its your party” and deleted it from thw playlist under the condition that she gets to have moments at the party where she can listen to her own music, which fine by us ig.

She then said she wasnt sure if she was going to come after all because of all the things she spoke about before that made her feel uncomfortable and feel it might be too much for her weren’t fixed. So we said alright.

Then she said she knew it would be too much for her and said she was going to come later.

I really want to tell her in a polite manner that she needs to fuck off and isnt welcome anymore at the party, she single handedly made the pressure and stress so high and blames us for it when we told her we were handling it and it was stressing us out.

After which she also said “im sorry, i feel like im too much in our business”

So are we (am i personally) the asshole for wanting to tell her she no longer is welcome?

#did #osdd #did system #dissociative personality disorder #alter #dream smp fictive #dream smp #fictive #r/aita #am i the asshole?

[journalsandshit]

01/05/2023 - a list of reasons that i hate meghan just in case i consider giving her another chance or jack asks for reasons again

-she didnt listen to me when i told her over and over again what would happen and then blamed and got mad at me when it went wrong, as if i didnt try over and over again to stop it

-she made everything about her all of the time and refused to see anyone elses side of the story bc she could be the only victim, and when i tried to voice how i felt she brushed it off and kept going about how she was in so much pain

-she kept telling jack about things i didnt want her to (the spoons thing, whether or not i was gonna go to homecoming) and never even apologized when i called her on it. she told him shit that id said in confidence over and over again no matter how many times i told her to stop and then insisted that she was just trying to make it easier for me to tell him things

-shes obsessive and refuses to separate herself from jack, even though (and probably because) she knows that its bad for her, for him, and for carolina (shes in the minecraft server and now the gym and theyre texting more). then she has the audacity to talk about how he wont leave her alone

-SHE HAD SEX WITH JACK AND CAROLINA IN MY CAR AFTER I SAID NO

-shes literally delusional (she legitimately expected to be allowed to post about jack on national boyfriend day and she truly believes that she and jack were in a real relationship and that he still wants her)

-she blames everyone else for her issues and when someone else tries to suggest something or help she freaks out

-she drags me into her bullshit all the time (saying "layla and i think" instead of just "i think" without even asking me and then i get in trouble for it, even when i in no way agree with her)

-she crosses lines all the time (befriending jacks family and siblings, telling them about their fucked up relationship, posting shit about jack that goes way beyond friend level shit) and refuses to see whats wrong with what shes done. then she gets pissed at people that point out that shes doing shit that it in no way acceptable

-she blamed me for pulling away as if she was putting any effort into our friendship. all she would talk about was jack and it was driving me insane so i did what i had to do and she got mad about it

-she refuses to take anyone elses feelings into account, like when jack wanted to stop "seeing" her for his mental health and sanity and she just told him he was being selfish and weak, but if anyone does that to her she throws a fit and acts like shes the only person that matters

-she continually inserts herself into places she doesnt belong (the "jacks a rapist" issue especially)

updates from months later (last edited 08/05/2023)

-she continually worms her way back into jacks life, despite him being very clear that he does not want that, and tried to cross boundaries via carolina all the time

-shes writing a fucking book about her fucking throuple as if thats anything that anyone would ever want

#01/05/2023 #from old blog #list #jack #meghan #carolina #wip

[arishah97]

Blog

Hmmm. Not sure what to put here. Just using this as a place to get out my thoughts. Most of this is just a letter from current me to future me. I need a place to journal.

God she drives me crazy sometimes. I have no idea how to deal with her. maybe i like her but she doesnt like me back in the same way.

Shes dealing with a lot. I cant ask any more of her attention. Its not fair to her.

i just.. i want to be wanted you know. i wish that somebody out there in the universe wanted me. for me. not because theyre obligated to, or because theyre being paid to. its hard.

people say that you should focus on yourself. love yourself. i do. i dont hate myself anymore. i listened to the loop for the intro to stan again. i didnt want to kill myself this time. i didnt even cry. it hurt me emotionally, but im not there anymore.

ive reread posts and memes that used to punch me in the gut. now i remember them fondly. no pain anymore. its still a depressing post, sure, but it doesnt have that gutpunch tang of acrid familiarity. where you chest throbs and your eyes blur for a second. emotional pain is physical pain.

Back to the topic. I dont feel that way anymore. not because im numb or anything. i just... im doing a lot better. part of that is my support network, thought theyre all being paid to help me, they are all incredible.

I still want to be wanted. maybe its an ego thing. i just want someone to miss me when im not there. i think there are people who do. my parents certainly say they do. i dont know. my friends... i dont know if they miss me. when i talk to her though. i feel soothed. if i dont, i start to get cravings. withdrawal. it messes me up. i dont want to smother her. shes dealing with a lot. i dont know if she feels the same way i do.

ive never been in love. maybe thats what this is. could just be human hormones. ive never wanted to be a better person for someone else. i cleaned my car yesterday. im looking up workout routines. im restocking on my protein shakes.

Ive never been in a relationship. im touch starved - god how is this even going to work if we are long distance. i keep having this reckless thought of flying down just to see her. thankfully theyre just thoughts. ill start to panic when i start looking mournfully at google flights.

we've barely spoken. i met her a month ago. we roleplayed - felt like a one night stand. i messaged her the next morning - pathetic. i felt hollow the second time i roleplayed with her. i think i messed up some consent boundries. fuck me, im a moron. i should apologize. how in the fuck do i even bring that up casually.

i think ive sent her a message every single day since. i try to keep my space, but she fills up my head like a gas, taking up the space of the container its given. ive warned her multiple times to tell me if im being too clingy or distracting.

wait im panicking. is she even single? shes never said so explicitly. she might be poly/open. fuck... . ill cross that bridge when i get to it. im open to poly.

she makes me want to be a better person. they lied when they said you should focus on yourself. being a better person for someone else works. its crazy how much fuel im getting. i want to improve my career prospects. i want to get healthier. i want to move out. i want to keep my spaces cleaner. i want to start a facewash routine. i want to learn to cook. i want to learn the guitar. i want, i want, i want.

Ive always wanted to do a lot of these things. hearing her voice gives me the strength to do them.

is this a love letter. fuck no. id edit the shit out of this if i was giving it to someone. am i even in love. cant say. im open to falling in love. these are just my rambling thoughts. my head feels clearer now.

if anybody finds this, fuck off.

xoxo

Ari

[7fckingidiots]

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name 

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys 

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me swd #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmo x reader #asmodeus x reader #beel x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphie x reader #belphegor x reader #obey me hc #obey me headcanons

[littlecafe]

bh used to always be so excited about releasing new songs and wanting to spoil them, so this is just so disheartening. the members not saying or posting anything speaks volumes about it too. we cant even enjoy the last few days with them and say goodbye..

yes exactly the only thing pd101 did for them was give the group the exposure to show themselves. and that producer who went to jail because of the rigging who revealed that bh had an anxiety attack on the street?? and then try and say he WANTED to be rigged out after they revealed he was supposed to be in w1? and gosh dont get me started on those solo fans, the hate all the members got was absolutely ridiculous. the boys can barely have any peace.

i have no clue why, even if pledis sucks id much rather their name be under them.

ahh yea idk why they were always left out of things, nuest was the only group who didnt get a seasons greetings after the merger and they were the only one who didnt get added to the company's rhythm game as well. like why are they always getting ignored??

sorry i was gone for a few days so i'm barely getting to this now!!

in retrospect, the shift after the merger is too real like all the album promos they had after their p101 run and they clearly have the songs to release too but all that...just. gone ;_; ahhh exactly!! it has been all quiet, the only time we've gotten to hear from them were those letters everything is just so sad

since i'm replying late, everything has been released now...i'm too scared to watch the mv and listen to the song, i saw a snippet of the lyrics through the reddit comments while browsing and i already tears up ;____; will try to work up the courage to do watch it later tonight or tomorrow i just really can't believe it's the last, it's coming to an end..

also mini rant/ i was planning on getting this album, just because i've never bought a nu'est album before and this is the final one i feel like i should get it but with how everything went down, with how clearly rushed it looks, how little effort was given to them not just for this "goodbye" album but for basically their entire existence together....the album would be such a bitter buy like just having it and looking at it's white cover ugh...i might still get it anyways but i don't know!!! i'm so on the fence!! it's like buy it to support the boys like, yes we're here LOVEs are still here going strong even if it's the end we love you always, but buying it doesn't change anything....getting good numbers for this album won't magically un-disband them....pledis and **** will still not care AND they get a cut of the sales anyways

p101 really saved them but it's like should i even be thankful to that cursed show, everything else about it was terrible, the rigging, the editing, the drama, i'm grateful they got the best thing they could out of it which was positive exposure and a loving fanbase but god the journey relating to that show is a mess, the solo stans were absolute hell like please just have a normal bias like everyone else smh always doing the most with all of the hate towards the other members

omg seriously??? he really tried and claim all of that happened?? what is wrong with him god he's sick i never caught that part of news because i really just hated the mess that surrounded it, just remembered seeing that he went to jail in the end and i moved on, he's such a terrible human being jfc

exactly and it would make more sense to have it under pledis since that's where they debut like what...8-9 years ago? like why does pledis not even have the rights to their name lmao

huh??? they didn't get a season's greeting either??? omg i'm so out of it i didn't even know that....seriously why are they treated like that...it's not like they don't have fans...it doesn't make sense to just leave them out of things especially when the company gets a cut of the revenue too like you don't want money either?? and ugh that rhythm game, i saw it in my app store the other day i have no idea when they added seventeen, was it not recent? if it wasn't then they could've added nu'est around the same time too but if it's more recent then well. seems like they've been wanting to kick nu'est out for a while now we just didn't realize but they've truly received nothing 🙄🙄 IM SO BITTER

that cursed rhythm game, i might be more annoyed at that game's existence than the average person because as an (ex) dalcom supporter i had a big problem with how b**h** handled the remainder of their contract with dalcom and the superstar bts game 2 years ago, i think i might have deleted my own personal post of it from my blog but if anyone is curious about what i'm talking about, i've dug up the reddit post (also filled with people discussing said company's greedy tendencies and upon other things...)

i think superstar bts, superstar pledis, and superstar gfriend are the only dalcom games that have shut down so far if memory serves me right lol i have a hard time keeping track of their games now because they've made way too many (for gfriend it was because of their disbandment...the other two were for...other reasons open to interpretation)

#pls why do i have so many useless eras yes my ex-dalcom stan era #used to fight their haters bc they actually were a small company that cared but now they are just growing too fast #overworking their employees with all these game releases and not caring about the bugs plus the newer games are more money hungry #but why am i telling you guys all this LMAO #but anyways that issue pissed me off back then so i swore i would never play that new one askjdsfsdf #and i'm an avid tap tap tapper ok i love gacha rhythm games i've played almost all of them released globally except d4dj? #def a topic for some other time lol but enstars is also coming out globally but i prob won't play it either #since i'm not a fan of circle maps anymore after quitting love live #also i hear their maps don't have as high a ceiling as pjsekai and bandori...not like i can fc hard maps but...still #i capped at 26 in bandori for fc...i can get through some of the harder ones but never fc 27+ #but i got WORSE after giving it up for pjsekai smh now i'm really bad #sorry for nonsense game ramblings has nothing to do with the ask at all asjkfdsdsfs #question

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

#the walten files #twf #notes #horror

[nctchaotiq]

Resist | Mark Lee

Part two (a drabble) of "Studio" since I got the same vibe lol. (click here to read studio)Enjoy reading Mark cumsluts. HAHAHA (oh and i didnt proofread so if any typos come out just know that imma edit this later on)

Characters: Fem y/n x Mark Lee

Genre: smut, long-distance orgasm denial, orgasm rejection, filthy nicknames, phone sex, sexting

Plot: Mark is on tour and you've been left alone with dirty thoughts and a good old vibrator. You called Mark and tried to make him join the fun, but turns out that Mark has a different plan.

--

You're all dressed up after taking a shower and now you're laying on your bed, relaxed and peaceful, that's what you thought the night's going to be, until waves of unexplainable sex drive hits you after you thought about the last time Mark has given you oral.

Mark was on tour with his bandmates in Asia, you may be in Korea right now but Mark is in a totally different country, after their day one concert in Japan they headed straight from the arena to the airport, and finally landed in the South where Thailand lies.

To help yourself out, the only one your left with are your thoughts of him eating you out and the toy that he uses on you, for your dedicated 'playtime.' You reached the side table drawer, opened it, and searched for the dick shaped toy. It was about the size of Mark's length, only the toy was made out of soft, almost jelly-like material and felt artificial inside, though it gives some pleasure, but not as much as Mark gives you.

You stripped your clothes off and proceeded to play with yourself. First using your digits and next was the vibrator going in and out of your slick hole. You remove the vibe from your hole and you took your phone out that was hiding under the blankets right beside you.

On the other side of Asia was Mark, watching the video you just sent him, putting on his Airpods quickly before the video starts.

"Mhm, I wish it was your cock."

"Oh god, cum inside me."

"I truly want to get fucked by you right now."

"I'm going to cum!"

"Fuck, Mark. Faster please!"

"Oh shit." Mark curses under his breath, trying to avoid making a noise since Haechan is just a centimeter away from him, snoring and sleeping deeply. Mark gets up from the bed in a lightning speed and blasts inside the bathroom, locking the door as quick as he can while he dials your number in hopes that you're still fucking yourself and when you saw the caller ID and accepted the call, you moaned Mark's name, chanting him, wishing he's the one physically making you feel good right now.

"Facetime baby. I want to see your face."

"Hmm, just my face baby? Don't you wanna see my wet of a pussy because I've been thinking about you eating me out?" You say while you turn on the Facetime camera, you were greeted by Mark's face, you can see that he still has his stage makeup on, his eyebrows furrowing and his plump red lips slightly opened at the sight of you.

"Tsk. Naughty slut."

"Make yourself cum with that pathetic dick toy and I'm not gonna fuck you for days baby."

"Mark my words."

Mark's words made you shiver, the thought of being empty for days made you sad, you think about it and agree to Mark.

"Okay. But I'm so horny right now because of you, what do I do?" You whine.

"Wait for me to come home, I'll be there in a few weeks anyway."

"Resist the urge baby, and when you do, I'll reward you with a great fuck."

"I'll make you feel so so good that the next day you won't be able to walk."

"You like that. Right princess?" He says and smiles innocently at you, while you're left there stunned with his words, your face lighting up at the thought of Mark fucking you again, so hard and so rough, being riled up by him, and his sperm inside your belly, you loved the thought of it and you're more than anticipating for Mark to come home.

"I love it, I love you."

"I love you too, princess. Be a good girl for me okay." You just nod and take your clothes back on

"Shouldn't you sleep now y/n? It's getting late in Seoul baby."

"Yes baby I will." You just stare at each other through the phone screen and admire his gorgeous face, "I wish I could get your makeup off of your face. Don't sleep with that on okay?"

You reminded Mark, you've been advicing Mark about skincare since he had a breakout months ago, and since then, Mark comes to you for any skincare advice which made the stylist noonas happier because he really won't listen to them about skincare.

"Yes baby, actually stylist noona said she loves my skin now, easy to put makeup on and stuff." He says with a light chuckle at the end.

"Well tell stylist noona it's all thanks to me." You say and grin at Mark who's obviously looking very tired and sleepy at this point.

"Baby can we sleep now after you wash your makeup off? Please wash it off I really want to see your natural skin." Mark agrees and puts his phone down carelessly, which made you feel startled, but you just laughed and waited for Mark to finish washing his face and applying some moisturizer. After all of that, you realized that Mark was in the bathroom all along. "Oh my god you were in the bathroom."

"Yeah haha just incase!" Mark said, and now he's giggling loud while he pats his face for the last time, you laugh along with him. "All done baby." He says and swings the bathroom door free.

Mark jumps to his side of the bed, not caring about the sleepy Haechan.

"Yah, Mark! That was my leg!"

"Go back to sleep! Sorry!"

"Who is that? Is that y/n? Hello and goodnight! Mark tell her to sleep it's so late in Seoul."

"Yeah Haechan's right baby, we should sleep now. Goodnight sleep tight." Mark said while mouthing a kiss at the front camera, you do the same and end the call.

You can still feel the slick feeling of your thigh from the wetness awhile ago, and from now on you resist the temptation to touch yourself so Mark can reward you when he comes home.

You count the sheeps while you drift off to sleep, thinking about you and Mark and how great he is to you. You think about it, he's your other half, and now that he's in another part of the world you feel so incomplete without his touch, without him cuddling you on the king-sized bed that you shared. You gazed at your huge window, looking at the clouds and Seoul City's skyline, before you fell asleep you saw a falling star, you gasp and whispered "Make a wish."

The stars have heard your wish and it was for you and Mark to stay together in a happy and healthy relationship, you couldn't really ask for anything more.

--

a/n: this turned out being 80% fluff and 20% smut, and god i'm inlove with the ending, i hope you are too 🥺 anw u can leave reaction requests now on my ask. i hope you all liked this drabble to 'Studio'

#mark lee #nct #smut #fluff

[justalitlecreacher]

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

#long post #spiderman #andrew garfield #The Amazing Spider Man #mcu crit #j jonah jameson #can you tell i care a lot? #cause i do #rant #ramble #this was not proofred #like at all #see theres a typo in that tag! #i would apologize but im not sorry

[dilsdoes]

dont reblog

how do i feel about what i have been through. ive been through a lot, but how do i feel.

i am so incredibly angry at j for taking away so much of my childhood. im so confused because we were both kids, the same age, but she ruined me so much. im so scared of being vulnerable and trusting someone to take care of me because i just remember giving so much over and over and over and never expecting anything in return, because thats not why i gave, never getting anything back anyway. id give vulnerability and get nothing back. shed ditch me all the time, shed beg me to do things with her for support and then when i asked her to do the same she ditched.

i dont know if ill ever forgive my dad for all the broken promises. i will never forget how scared i was watching him slam on our door demanding my mother come out so his family could "come see his witch of an ex wife" while i stood, 10 years old and terrified, and they asked him to stop. ill never forget how he hit me hard enough i fell to the ground and then acted like it didnt make sense that i was upset. it doesnt make sense why hed be confused why i wouldnt want to be alone with him when hes hit me and my mom and threatened to hit me before. ill never forgive him for refusing to pay to feed me, just to make my mother mad, ill never forgive him for accepting an invitation i had to fucking beg for, to bend the rules for him, only for him to not show. ill never fucking forgive him for forcing me to sit all night next to an empty fucking chair. i hate him so much and i hate how much everyone treats me like im crazy for hating him when he hates my mother so much more than he loves me. he doesnt make any sense and he knows it and i hate him. i hate him so much. he used to be my dad. he used to be my fucking dad.

im hungry. we have no food, although well do groceries tomorrow. we often have no or very little food, and even less that i can eat. i feel guilty for wanting things, even food, and i feel disgusting for being guilty. i feel disgusting for being anything at all most days. i wish i was a robot so id never let anyone down. i wish i never needed anything, not water or words, and i could just be what everyone needed. i wish i was perfect so people would stop being mad, so i would stop hurting people, so people would stop being hurt. i hate being human and having needs because i cant do what everyone wants. i hate myself so much, i wish i was something better. i wish i was a perpetual motion machine, whirring away, pretty and clean, i wish i was everything and nothing at all, i wish i was huge and impossibly small.

sometimes i get scared that im not being me withtb my girlfriend, but i dont know who i am. like ill edit a text 3 times before sending it but i do it immediately without noticing. i do this on tiktok and twitter too. i do it everywhere. its so hard to let my guard down when people never know its up.

i feel disgusting. i dont care that its not the right feeling, i feel disgusting and repulsive and wrong all the time, and i know it doesnt make sense but i feel like the most repulsive thing in the world, a pitiful thing, a sorry thing, everyone thinks im so naive and stupid and at this point its probably because i am. im so repulsive. i wish i could scoop my insides out so i dont have to be in here anymore. i wish i could just crack my ribs open and let all of me out, like those spreaders they use for open heart surgery, like an angel maker, i feel so horrible and awful, i just feel wrong all the time and i hate myself so much. i hate myself so fucking much. what am i? what am i? sometimes i hate myself so much i want to throw up because its the closest i can get to scooping my insides out. i wish i could be someone else. i wish i was perfect. i wish i was perfect. i wish so much and every day that i was perfect in every way just so that i could stop wanting wrong things all the time. i hate myself so much. its impossible to be perfect, but i have to be. i have to be. i have to be. i have to be.

i almost died several times in my life. i didnt let myself think about how much i was going through when i was hospitalized. i remember a nurse asked me how i was doing and i said fine, and she asked if i was sure because id said i was fine every day since i came here and i said yes and she said well, a few days ago you tried to kill yourself, and i said, without a hint of irony, "yeah but that was days ago. its passed now." and i just. god i almost died. i could have died. i swallowed 28 pills with the intent of just. something. anything. i just needed some help. i needed help so fucking bad, amd i didnt know what i needed. and my mother watched me pop them out and asked my if i was going to kill myself because she was saying something i didnt like and i just needed some fucking help. i didnt know what but everything was always falling apart and i needed some fucking help. i needed some fucking help. i needed so much help. i got it but i look back at all the ways i asked for help over and over and over again and just said "i need help. i dont know what to do but i tried to swallow a handful of pills. i dont know what to do but i think im depressed. i dont know what to do but i feel like a failure at all times" and i was just told i was overreacting. every feeling is an overreaction. "what am i supposed to do about it?" im hungry, im tired, im hurting, im anxious, "what am i supposed to do about it?" jesus christ i dont fucking know, im 16 and youre 60, please god just help me. just listen to me, just hear the words im saying and dont tell me im lying, just believe me when i say im in pain.

i dont know when im in pain anymore. i cant trust anything unless someone else confirms it. i hate it when people make jokes questioning the reality of something when im specifically asking if its true. i just want things to exist. like theyre not real if its just me. i dont count. i dont matter. my opinion isnt worth shit. please. please give me this. please help me. i feel pain and i just live with it until it stops and then i realise i was in pain. because its gone. once my mom tried to convince me to run on a broken ankle. i dont feel real on my own and im trying so hard to but god almighty its so hard when im still surrounded by people who tell me im wrong.

#dils is depressed #dont fucking reblog this.

[marcazoshop]

I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt

This photo is from way back in ’98 at my first headline nyc show at tramp’s before the start of this very wild ride with the slim shady lp with jimmy and dr dre definitely a I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt special time I looked back on after watching the premiere of thedefiantones in la the series starts on hbo tomorrow night also be on the lookout for this limited merch to celebrate the premiere. ️ ️ ️ ️ ️ no one has to know your age unless you want to share says fan linda about her eye lift pro experience what else gives you a lift our vote goes to chocolate chip cookies comment below your avon representative is ready to come 2therescue with your eye lift pro. Playing the super bowl last year was indescribable it changed my life so excited to see what justin s going to do I know it will be amazing sb52 superbowl superbowl52

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Today in 2000 the I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt it s gonna be me video made its world premiere on total request live with 28 days at no 1 it was the summer s most requested video. Limited edition and fresh picked for spring meet the newest honest diaper collection available now exclusively for subscribers update your bundle or get started here. So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn See Other related products: I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt

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[b00bconnoisseur]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers! :D

I love alot of things and so much stuff makes me happy so this will be my partner edition :) (cause their entire being makes me so happy i swear) imma list things i like abt them probably gush alot im srry in advanceeeeeeeee

1. Their writting and art!!!!! Like???? I love it!! Their art style is so different from any other ive seen (yes babe you DO have a unique style and its good!!) like yall should go to their blog and/or their art blog ( @graphitedaydream ) and look at stuff theyve done. Also ok so theyre my favorite writer like ever. THEY SAY IM A LIAR BUT ITS SO TRUE THO IM 100% HONEST And im a huge book nerd and can name like 20 authors off the top of my head rn and cam is my favorite of all of them. I love their stories so much kdgshsgsvs. Like they were telling me abt a new character and story n stuff last night and i got p happy cause i love hearing abt it all its one of my favorite things! I always wanna ask so many questions abt the story and characters and what'll happen and this and that but then before i do i have to remind myself that this isnt a finished book or a series this is smtn they jus started this i cant do thattttttt. But anyway srry this is a rant but sjgzbz.

2. Cams voice ok like!! I love it so much and its comforting to hear and it makes me happy and jdbdbs and i just like. Idk if its possible to love a person's voice so so much besides like a singer???? But idk i do jdhshzs um imma continue now before it seems like i have a fetish or smtn-

3. They are BEAUTIFUL. Like i would show a pic but idk if they would be ok with that or not so i won't but dude theyre so so adorable and literally so beautiful!!! I love everything abt them, their face and body and personality and sense of humor and everything theyre like a perfect bean to me. And ik they'll disagree with everything but its true!! Their whole being is absolutely beautiful and ik i say i love them alot but i do aaaaaaaaaa

4. They're so random and weird but in the best way jdhshzs like we have the most amusing but random convos and i love ittttt

5. They really care abt my interests eveb if they dont understand at ALL. Which means so much because most ppl jus dont really care if they dont know anything but cam fr like listens and makes commentary n stuff even if they know literally nothing and it makes me so happyyyy and its so nice!!!! Like for example they know like nothing at all abt sports and on the superbowl i was super hyped and kept goin on abt it throughout the whole game and even way before I'd talk abt it and if they didnt know a term or was confused id explain best i could and it was gucci and like they were trying to be hype with me during the football game and it made me so happy and idk if it sounds like much but it means alot ^^

Ok that was really long aaaaaaaaaaa. Im not sure who to tag so imma sayyyyy @sadamericanorca (im sorry if that was really cringe) @thatoneemobooknerd @jajebabie @theclingynerd @artdemon20 @sammchenry @soft-trans-on-tumbles @the-gorgeous-moon @kingantlion @bloodreadmascara

All optional ofc only if ya want~

#asks #adorabeanie #my sis #mutual peeps #my lovely

[slavicafire]

serpent advice corner - a witch with a broken heart

as I have received this as a submission asking to be anonymous - yet to be heard, and listened to, and perhaps told a useful word or two - I will post it here, under a handy read more.if any of my followers want to read and share their advice, I would be eternally grateful.

as you know, with this serpent there is no such thing as “useful word or two” - it is rambling and rambling and rambling.

/// 

A witch with a broken heart

Żmija, this is a very long post. I apologize. But I think my heart needs to be known by someone not personally in the situation, and youre a soul I trust. Im sorry for the sadness of it. I need advice, and the advice is at the end, but the backstory is long.

I value your opinion more than you could know, since Im usually on anon, but I think I need someone whose advice I trust, whose on the outside, to tell me the truth.

Also, this is from mobile, so I cant insert Read Mores!! Please do, if youre able to edit one in??

During this season of death and change that I love so much, Im experiencing those aspects in my own life. I saw the signs, had the dreams and interpreted the cards and his behavior, so when it dropped I wouldnt say I was surprised, but my heart still aches.

My boyfriend (2 years next month) told me that we should take a week for a break to think if the issues in our relationship are fixable or not. I agreed. And now everythings a mess.

When we started dating, I started spending the night at his house so often and so quickly that by month 4 i was being asked to help with groceries. Which i agreed to do. (He remembers me moving in at 9 months to make it seem like I didnt move into his apartment very quickly, but thats still quickly).

He is an amazing guy. When he romanced me in the beginning he treated me exactly right, he made my friends and family instantly like him, and none of it seemed fake! He is genuinely a sweet, funny, intelligent man with the capacity to make me feel loved in a way that none of my other relationshios ever did.

With this love around me I was able to start growing as a person. I started healing from trauma in my past and becoming stronger. Some things will always haunt me. But the point is that the traumas from my past dont rule me anymore, because his love showed me I was worthy of being loved.

But he lives with his mother, and theres trauma and issues between them, and, well… I believe she is jealous of her son having a woman in his life.

Now, I understand why he has the relationship he does with his mom. His father kidnapped him and his brother at aged 7 and 5. To keep them from asking where their mom was, he convinced them she died. My boyfriend thought his mother was dead until he was 15. And his fathers house? So full of abuse and neglect his fsther’s family disowned him, and my boyfriend still wakes up in the night with cold sweat and pleas on his lips.

I understand why he caters to her, never questions her, never stands up to her. I dont think its healthy, but I can see how its happened.

Hes 24 and he hands her his bank card, so she has complete and total control over his money. She pays bills with his money (she works 2 jobs herself) when hes never seen the bills themselves, and his mom has full control over his student loans. He begs her for $100 for personal use and she argues back with him. Insists shes buying groceries with the surplus and then turns around and buys bulk cereal and ramen from the store before buying Victoria Secret, paying her Victoria Secret Credit Card with his money to ‘build her credit.’ While complaining shes low on money.

As for me, she had lied when she said she liked me. In the beginning, when me and my bf became serious, she would talk to him about being scared Id cheat in him like his previous relationships. Because Im biseuxal. He started having nightmares about me cheating on him OFTEN. No matter how Id never cheat, she still planted that in his heart.

Or I was going on a 10 day family vacation with my best friend of 6 years (a gay man, and I had known him for 10 years total!) and we were joking that wed somehow steal the family car and manage to GPS to a nightclub and get inebriated and high. A wild and over the top story. My boyfriend knew I was joking. I dont like to drink, and Ive never been high, the concept of not having control like that makes my anxiety twitch. So it was clearly just a joke at how absurd that would be. His mom, who had been living with me for 3-4ish months by then? Yelled at her son how she said he could bring anyone home he wanted, as long as she wasnt a “whore or a druggie.” Thanks, MIL.

Or if she ever had an issue with me (usually things like “she never helps with dishes” or “why doesnt she hang out in the livingroom doesnt she like me?”) she refused to come to me with her concerns. She made sure to go to her son first and rant to him and twist it to make it sound terrible.

Me not doing the dishes turned into the epitome of how I Never Do Anything Around Here/Im Taking Advantage Of Them. Me not hanging out in the livingroom because my boyfriend himself is usually in our room playing video games anyways and I dont want to be alone w her, turned into how She Hates Us and Isnt A Part Of This Household And Thats Toxic.

She also raised the amount of money I had to pay for my bill and then Never Told Me, making it seem like I was a moocher, and then took the remaining out of my boyfriends cheques. It wasnt until my boyfriend snapped on me about it that I asked her directlt how much I needed to pay for the bill, and she admitted to me it has been raised by $50 for 4 months now.

These are just examples. When Id come home from work hed look stressed and frustrsted as all hell and complain to me that I was doing the things his mom said. I would turn around and ask his mom if she needed to talk to me about anything and inevitably she would ask for everything but ENTIRELY sweeter and without the malice. So Id change and help.

She never liked me, and so whether she was aware of her manipulations or not, she started turning her son against me, and turning the apartment into a place I never felt peace.

My boyfriend went from the sweetest, most attentive, intelligent person I had the pleasure of meeting to treating me no different than a roommate or his mom.

I dont remember the last time my boyfriend held my hand without me asking. Hugged me without me prompting. Kissed me without me leaning in first. I dont remember the last time he said “hi” first or the last time he sent a good morning text. I dont remember the last time he said I Love You, unprompted and without exasperation, before I did. I dont remember the last time we went on a date that HE came up with the idea for. I dont remember the last time he was NICE to me, Żmija.

He doesnt have a liscense. I drive him everywhere, and ask nothing, just the occasional gas money. I send him good morning messages. I make sure to call or facetime when im on my nightshift so its easier to be in bed alone. I write cute little notes and stick them to his tv frame or his keys. I make sure to buy all his favorite snacks. I try to leave work 2 hours early (and often do!) every day JUST so i can see him before he goes to work and lay with him in bed. Whenever I go to my parents/grandparents house I always ask if hed like to come, bc Id like him to come and I know they miss him. He always says no. Im always complimenting him, and telling him I love him, which only irritstes him bc he says the more you say I Love You the less value each repeition has.

I tried to explain that Im just trying to get him to say it back. He said he feels like the bad guy.

I stopped myself from looking up at him and explaining that sometimes, as uncomfortable as the realization can be, we ARE the bad guy in the situation. But I held my tongue.

The reason he asked for a break was because I was stupid enough to trust his mother when I was vulerable. My own mother figures were all at work so when I needed to talk the day before, I opened up to her carefully about how me and her son were.

In my own family, if my boyfriend needed to rant about me to any of my parents, theyd never tell me anything, bc hes trusting them. At most, theyd just tell me that boyfriend and I needed to talk.

But when I told his mother about how I was feeling, making sure none of it was any of my big worries and just little stuff like our room being so cramped (we have a bookshelf on every availiable wall and totes stacked in the closet) or how Ill mention my mental illness and I wont feel like he understood what I was saying… she turned around to her son when I was at work and told him a twisted, exaggerated mess.

So he said that since it seems I have So Many Issues with him, that I should take a week to think about it, and he would too.

I told him okay, so when he went to work I moved all my clothes out, my toiletries, and some personal knickknacks but left everything else. Since I never had many things over there, it didnt take long, yet I had still moved ½ my belongings out. I went to my fathers and plan on staying there until we think.

Our talk about taking a break was the first time in 2 years I saw him cry. Saw him emotional at all, other than anger. He held me and cried and told me I was his best friend, and I told him I loved him with every ounce of my heart and that I didnt believe that this wasnt able to be fixed. That we love each other enough that it would carry us through whatever issues we needed to work on.

When he came home to my clothes and special blankets gone, he cried on the phone and begged me to live with him again. I told him that I was beginning to believe that maybe we moved in too quickly, and that we had a shorter Dating period than most couples. That we only dated for 3-4 months (he insists it was 9, but thats still a very short time) before I moved in. Those were the months I remember the fondest.

I refrained form saying that living with his mother is causing me mental anguish. I just emphasized that Id like to stay with him, that I adore him, that this wasnt a breakup. I wanted to spend the night on our weekends and look forward to date night and get excited when he calls or face times. I want that intimacy and love and the feeling of being needed back. He said that if I dont want to live at home “bc his mom can be overbearing” then we can move out. That he doesnt care where he lives bc he just wants to be with me.

I told him id love to move in together, but until we get the funds up for that id rather do what I said. Spend the night on the weekends, plan dates during the week, etc.

He and his mother (who is texting me accusatory “i thought you loved him” texts) are acting like what Im asking for is the most insane, hurtful thing in the world. I feel like Im in the twilight zone, bc I feel like Im asking for something reasonable.

Wednesday we’re going out to eat to talk. Im going to have notes with me so I dont forget anything. Every issue he has with me, eating in the bedroom, never wanting to do anything he wants to do since Id rather sleep (i work grave shifts), etc. are things Im 109% willing to work my hardest on. He says im selfish and hes always an after thought in our relationship. I guess the only way I can help thst is why working on the examples he gave me as to why he feels like that.

The truth is… im only willing to work on things, if 1) he lets us live separately and 2) he admits his relationshio with his mom isnt entirely healthy and I see him have some serious conversations with her and serious effort to change.

It might be unfair to say whether or not we stay together hinges entirely on how willing he is to put his defensiveness aside, hear what I say, see its true, and then act on it… but it cant be helped that 80% of our issues stem from her involvement in our lives.

If he loves me as much as I love him, he will love me more than he is defensive, and he’ll make the effort to listen and change. Because if I see that effort in his life, Id go through hell or high water to make him feel loved in the ways he needs.

But… the way he and his mom are acting, acting like im the bad guy, acting like Im breaking up with him because I wanna move out until we get our own place, acting like I cant possibly love him anymore if I dont live with him…

Żmija, other readers, am I? Am i asking for something thats unreasonable? I just believe that if I have less contact with his mom Id be happier, and that if we spent 4 days a week apart (our weekends id soend the night is really 3 days) that might remind him how he loves me and he would act like it again???

My heart is so confused that I just. Need advice.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for your help. Youre one of my favorite blogs, and I couldnt think of anywhere else to ask these questions where Id get an answer I trusted.

(If you could make this anon, thatd be great, if you cant then dont worry!)

///

now.

as bitter and terrible as this truth is, it is a truth: no amount of love will fix the issues on its own, and no amount of love will cure the person of their own deeply rooted issues.

and the man you love, my dearest, has issues so deeply rooted than it will not be possible for you to move him from where he is stuck, stubborn and stagnate, if he does not have that will in his heart on his own.

you do not ask for much, nor for anything that is unreasonable - and you know that very well. I am flattered you chose me as the person to tell you, outright and out loud, what you already know. 

we carry many burdens and we are tied by many bonds - and the familial ones, especially those broken and complex, those parent-child relations, they can be incredibly difficult to navigate. they cannot be fully abandoned, nor can they be allowed to fester and rot and ferment and poison our lives.

he either recognizes his own faults and how tied he is by his mother’s influence - a hurtful and unfair influence, towards you but him as well - or he is not worthy of you. it hurts, as many truths do. but there are moments when responsibility has to be acknowledged, and actions have to be taken. painful ones, difficult ones, yes, but necessary nonetheless. 

you need distance. from his mother, from that apartment and confinement, from asking for affection, for finding love in the smallest things because the grand ones are not there. you need distance from him, from his unreliability, from his immaturity.

from his love, too.

sometimes we hold on to things that used to be our safe harbour, our dream, our happiness - but are such no longer, and are burdens that only bleed us out. 

please let me know how Wednesday went. and please have strength, and believe that you deserve much more and you are not, in any even slightest way, unreasonable in what you feel and want. 

if he loves me as much as I love him, he will love me more than he is defensive, and he’ll make the effort to listen and change. Because if I see that effort in his life, I'd go through hell or high water to make him feel loved in the ways he needs.

you know what is the right course. you know what needs to be done if your love is not enough. I believe you will know what is the right step no matter how difficult of a decision it might be. you are strong and willing, and your heart is so full of love - share it, and have hope, and fight for the one you love. but know when the fight is no longer worth it.

good luck, my friend - and thank you for sharing. my inbox is always open, and I would love to hear where the fates took you next.

#keep me updated if that is okay #I apologize I could not answer sooner #I really really do #life has been a lot lately

[shhhhyoursister]

hi friends this post is gonna be a bit long and sappy so sorry in advance

(im absolutely using this as an excuse to be sappy the way ive been wanting to be for a while) so i woke up today to see that i had over 250 followers and i just wanted to say like,,,, what the fuck?????? like yeah my main blog has a lot of followers but im sure like 80% of them are bots or inactive so the fact that i have that many followers here and that its something ive built up with actual like,,, content and stuff thats????? so wild????? when i started watching druck i never expected to make a tumblr for it, let alone write fanfics and stuff for it???? i know i go off about it all the time but i really did just start watching because i saw david in his binder and i knew i HAD to watch, and that was after waching skam og s3 and knowing that it was gonna be mlm and ive never been more grateful to a random gifset on tumblr like??? i dont know where id be as a person right now if i didnt have druck and this community on here and wow im just really so :,) and yeah like its just a show and all that but finding something that first of all made me more represented than anything else ive ever watched like??? thats amazing, but also a show that has given me actual real friends and a community of people that support me and value the random stuff that i write like??? holy fuck yall im just feeling a lot of things rn and im just so grateful to all of you <3

i also of COURSE need to shout out all of the amazing friends ive made here???? so first like tumblr specific people @rimbaux, @brisingr-iettauthr, and @bagels-and-seagulls like i didnt expect to be friends with yall but im so happy i am???? yall are all just so talented and also super freaking nice and funny and great people and im?? so glad that we all talk now its so great wow im really :,)

gotta shout out all my dungeon gays, like you guys??? i cant even express how much each of you means to me in every way?? like yall know some of the stuff that i deal with when it comes to like,, friends and shit like that so the fact that i always have you guys to scream to is so nice and im gonna actuallly start crying jsut cause i love yall so much and you all mean so much to me oh my GOD so @navollidiot, @davenziabend, @vildelesbianqueen, @sourflorenzi, god i LVOE you all so much <3

i gotta give special shout outs to @chlouais like yon,, youre always putting up with my bullshit whether that be editing my stuff or dealing with me yelling random ideas at you and like i think you were the first druck person i really became close with and im just :,) im just love you SO much yon and i know i say it a lot im just,,, big uwus over here!!!!!! and also of course a shout out to my fucking HUSBAND @theyellowcurtains like harri i feel like even though like 60% of our convos are jsut talking about how much we love eafch other i have to say it here too?? thank you for always listening to me complain and dealing with me when im drunk and stupid and justl letting me say stuff to you without the fear of being judged???? like i know we joke and make fun of each other constantly but ir eally do appreciate having someone i could go to with like,, anything i think so wowi love you and thank you <3

#noggins #im so sorry this is so long im just #having feelings #long post #this is just me going off and being sappy about stuff ignore it dksfhsjkdf #dont mind me just fucking CRYING over here

[dilfsdotnet]

Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀

:OOO

you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply

1. wats ur scene name?

i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx

2. describe ur dream outfit!

oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:

(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)

3. describe ur dream haircut!

oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!

yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!

4. describe ur dream room!

i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!

MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM

(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)

5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr

6. wat would u write on ur shoez?

it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd

7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!

8. fave genrez?

i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w

9. fave bandz?

im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool

10. fave songz?

my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo

11. fave lyricz?

‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘

its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe

12. hav u evr been to a concert?

not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;

13. do u wanna be in a band?

ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice

14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

havent rlly had any as of rn  my lad so i wouldnt know :/

15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?

i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,

16. wats da best old meme?

ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened

17. best place 2 buy clothez?

i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me

18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?

OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe

19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc

20. opinion on furbiez?

oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE

21. opinion on funko popz?

i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool

22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!

23. fave color combo?

i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx

24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees

25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w

26. wats ur fav typin quirk?

i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>

27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c

28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!

:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!

@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)

@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v

@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>

29. wat got u into scenecore?

i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll

30. how long hav u been scene?

i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;

31. wats da best thing abt being scene?

the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really

32. do u hav a fursona?

i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/

33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS

34. do u liek plushiez?

YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine

35. do u liek stickerz?

also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!

its so cuuute!!!

36. do u hav a friendproject?

i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha

37. do u hav any other scene account?

well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!

38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!

39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;

its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!

40. ask ur own randum question!!

hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3

phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3

#ask #ask meme #scene revival #scenecore #scene kid #scene #anon #oh god what now jasu

[flurgles-blog]

Intro to me.

This will deal with heavy topics, like rape, imprisonment, and child abuse. I'm sorry, it's just what my life has been and I'm not staying silent anymore.

I'm a 25 year old female. At the age of 23, I fled my family's home after an altercation with my brother where he threatened me with an assault rifle after my mothers dog pooped on the rug in his room. I'm not allowed in his room, yet was meant to know it happened and clean it up evidently. I tried to call 911, but my mother took my phone and told them no one should be sent. They sent no one despite hearing her beat me and me screaming for help in the background. I called a man I had gone on a few dates with on okcupid, and he picked me up and I never lived there again. This man kept me a prisoner just like my parents did. I left him years later once I was able to sneak word out for help to an old friend. I'm still not free today, but I'm surviving and get to choose when I want to have sex. I'm homeless now, and dont get to talk to people due to the nature of how I'm living so I'm posting here. Now, let's backtrack to the first two decades or so of my life so you know why I left, and why I was never able to leave before.

I was born to a family in poverty, my parents lived with my grandmother and already had a child. Both were birth control failures. I lived the first few years with my mother, biological father, and my brother. My father was incredibly violent. Loved his guns, his drugs, his alcahol, and taking in illegal or exotic pets when his buddies had to go to prison. He beat his children, and his wife, often trying to kill us. My only friend was my grandmother and a Burmese python named Monty. He would often protect me. My father would often abuse the animals to hurt us, but Monty would never take it. I miss that snake. After many years of this, my father begged to be put in prison to control his violent outbursts and after lots of arguing, my mother finally brought him to a mental hospital.

There was a period where my brother and I were shifted between homes of family, I liked this period. I was starting school, and had lots of resources to learn and play. I was often mute, didnt talk for years or make a noise despite knowing how to talk. My mother was dating but I never met the man or his kids until suddenly we were moving in with him and his three kids.

His family was wealthier, and his kids mostly treated me like gutter trash. His side if the family often didnt invite my moms kids to things. He made me read this book on etiquette. It was straight up Victorian. I had to go to the doctor to look at my twisted leg since I was having trouble walking 'right'. The doctor told my parents how to slowly correct the muscle through physical therapy. The first physical therapy session I remember, I was four. He made me lay on his bed naked and he just... rubbed oil on me. I wont go into detail, but he raped me several nights a week until I was 12. It got worse, he started to do it in front of the family. The whole family groomed me, kept me isolated while I still went to school. I was brainwashed into thinking these sessions were my fault for walking wrong, and they were totally right. I was not allowed to communicate without supervision. I could only see two approved of friends. If I stepped out of line, I was beaten, and the house phone and internet would be stripped from me or from the house altogether. The children even helped condition and punish me. Two of the boys abused me sexually, the other physically. He would completely cover me in duct tape and attach me to a wall or door and call that babysitting. I was hung by my ankles from a tree with plastic rope in the front yard for crying. It was insane, but it was my normal.

I was expected to clean the house, and cook many meals. I cleaned up after three, sometimes four cats and two dogs. I cleaned three fish tanks. I did everything but mow the lawn, as I wasnt meant to be seen outside. Every little girl wants to be treated like a princess, it was ironic my favorite was Cinderella.

When I was 12, I started talking to more kids at school. Instead of walking home as I was meant to, I went on a hike through a meadow with a boy from my classes. He was nice, and didnt mind that I was quiet and shy. He waited for me to open up and I did. I confessed what had been happening at home, that I was stressed out about it. The constant uncertainty of my safety... he went home and told his parents, who told the police.

Social workers came to my house. They were horrified, and supportive, but after talking to me they just left me with my family with orders for my parents to bring me to their office. I was punished the worst for the days following, and my mother really went deep into brainwashing me then. She told me that if my step father was arrested, her, all five children, all the animals I love so much, would be homeless and be killed by gangs. I made a sacrifice for my family and my animals. I had to go into that office and call the whole thing off.

My mother made me say I had lied, and the social workers insulted and belittled me for hours... I thought it was over, that i could go home, and keep my head low during the punishments to come. The punishments were intense, but going back to school was worse.

The boy that had been so supportive had told the whole school I was a liar, and that I was a slut. He said I did all these sexual things with him and falsely accused my dad with rape. I was already bullied, but it got worse. I was groped and my clothes taken off in the hallways, and the faculty had little compassion for me since I also had to keep up the illusion with them. They thought I cried wolf too.

After that, I was able to get my stepfather to stop the sessions. He still got drunk and made me dress up and pose for pornography, though. There was so many photos and videos found of me by family and classmates that were shoved in my face. They were slut shaming a child sex slave. I continued being the family maid, and punching bag, and scapegoat. I got a job at 14 and my mom took all the money, then again at 19, then continued to steal from me until the biggest theft she had done. She stole my identity, filled out student loans, made me go to a few classes at different colleges, but pocketed the money every time. I still dont have my identity back, and can only have an expired Id because she has the info to my dmv account and every account and it's been almost a year since I reported the fraud. It's still 'pending'.

I suffer from so many problems from decades of abuse and beatings and starvation, and almost no access to healthcare. I applied for disability years ago and am waiting for my third time through the system. I have been diagnosed with ptsd, major depression, disabling anxiety... I live with my boyfriend, who came and broke me out of that house with the guy from okcupid. It was terrible, the man tried to strangle me to keep me from leaving. My boyfriend is supportive as can be, but lacks sensitivity and says men have needs. I'm stuck in this semi truck with him since hes a truck driver, and live without medical care or friends or cleanliness and without a home, moving states every day. I wonder if I will ever have a home, or feel safe, or feel worth something. I just want to be stable.

I receive some very expensive 30 minute therapy sessions a few times a year, and take zoloft. Shelters wont accept people with ptsd, and an actual police officer told me I would be 'rape bait' if i went to one.

I would love to make some friends that know what I've come from. I want to know if telling my extended family is ok. I just want to know I'm not crazy and all of this really is terrible and worth having PTSD about. If it's worth not being able to work...

Thank you for reading this. Thank you so much for listening and being a witness to what I wish more people knew.

Edit: Some people mentioned were children when they did bad things. It totally wasnt their fault. I dont blame them at all.